#I don't see the PK as a complete ass

[nekosanhwa]

Hi! Can I request a Saiki x reader where the reader can cancel out any psychic’s abilities if they’re within a certain distance from them? Can you trickling in some fluff in there to? Love your work!!

— hi thank you for requesting and liking my work <3 I was super into the idea and enjoyed writing it 😁 sorry that it's kinda short tho. I hope you enjoy it and it's what u hoped for !

pain in the ass — saiki kusuo

➤ the new transfer student is able to nullify saiki's abilities effects on them from a certain distance and it frustrates him

content ! — gn reader. cocky reader. salty saiki. saiki trying to be mean. some fluff ^^

pk's newest transfer student was an utter pain in the ass.

the moment [name] stepped foot into the classroom, saiki knew something was wrong with them. maybe it was the fact he had heard their thoughts while they were on their way to class before they completely disappeared a few classes down the hall.

or maybe it was the cocky look they sent saiki when he was in confusion as to why he couldn't read the new students thoughts, as if they knew. either way, [name] was a threat to saiki.

his suspicions were only proven right when during roll call, they hadn't heard saiki answer the teacher with his telepathy when he was called on.

while he wouldn't have been too thrilled, saiki would've understood if the reason he couldn't read [name's] thoughts was because they were an airhead like nendo, but [name] was obviously not an airhead.

not when they'd purposely cross into what saiki called the 'seven meter barrier' (which wouldn't allow him from using his powers on them) whenever he tried to get farther from them.

not when they'd purposely brush against saiki when leaving their desk, which would cause saiki's powers to glitch. it was obvious [name] knew more than they let on and it was frustrating.

after a full week of this and an attempt to use psychometry with no results, saiki called on [name] to meet him at the school's rooftop with his telepathy, finally frustrated enough to confront them. the moment [name] got there, they were cornered by a slightly visibly agitated saiki.

"who are you and why are you immune to my powers ?"

you let out a surprised laugh. "straight to the point, I see", you replied teasingly, taking a step forward. the motion forced saiki to step back and out of his hovering position and he glowered at your [height] form. you started pacing, wanting to rile up saiki, before finally answering.

"you see, you're not the only one of your kind. must be a hit to your ego", you giggled, agitating the boy further, "and I've been taught to deal with people like you", you continued as you stopped infront of him and jabbed your finger into saiki's chest, emphasizing the 'you'.

you smiled teasingly at him as his scowl grew deeper before slowly dropping your cocky demeanor and addressing him genuinely.

"however, it it bothers you too much that I can cancel your powers at a certain distance, I can't stop doing it altogether. I can tell you don't use your powers to gain things from others but rather because you can't control some of them," you said, backing away from the pink haired boy infront of you and moving to stand with your arms crossed behind your back.

saiki glared at you. "do whatever you want", he spat with a scowl on his face before turning and heading to the rooftop door.

behind him, you jumped and called out to him. "nice to meet you, saiki!", you shouted, furiously waving at him despite him having his back to you, "you're definitely one of the most interesting psychics I've met."

saiki stopped once out the door, a barely visible blush crawling up his cheeks, before he shook his head and headed down the stairs.

"good grief, what a pain"

[13uswntimagines]

The Come Down (Alessia Russo X MMA fighter!R)

R is a very popular MMA fighter, and Alessia sees the parts of you that other people don't. Shes the one who gets to put you back together again after a tough fight.

Warnings: D/S undertones but no smut.

Author's note: This was super fun to write and i hope you enjoy it. Feel free to hit me up with ideas and comments and stuff.

You sighed, leaning your head against the stone walls of the Emirates tunnel, letting it soothe the twinges that always lingered after a long flight.

It was masochistic, but the ache that lingered the day after a war in the Octagon was always one of your favorite feelings, especially if you won. It helped you to compartmentalize the parts of yourself. It helped you separate the completely in-control fighter, the stone-cold monster that didn’t give a fuck about her opponents, and the human that lingered underneath. 

It was hard to punch a man until he was unconscious if you thought about how human he was. If you pictured his family and his life as anything other than an opponent for you to run through. But you never wanted that part of yourself to exist anywhere other than in the cage. 

The throb in your muscles and ache in your cuts helped you lock that part of yourself away. It helped you keep your grip on reality in all of the post-fight hormones until you could get to the grounding force that was your girlfriend. 

The post-fight come-down was always difficult for you, especially after a 5 round back and forth battle like the one you had just fought. 

You loved your job, you really did, but it was so easy to… lose yourself. To get lost in the anger of the UFC universe and the vitriol of your opponents. To get lost in the cycle of Training, listening to a man tell you he was going to destroy you at press conferences, cutting weight and beating the ever-living fuck out of someone while people cheered. 

Just being in the same building as Alessia had set you at ease, and watching her score 2 against Chelsea was even better. 

But the sound of the crowd had started to set you on edge. The way they erupted when your face, black eye, stitched gash on your cheek curving up to your forehead and all, appeared on the Jumbotron after your girlfriend’s PK had you clenching your teeth. It egged on the thoughts of murdering the keeper that had taken her out swirling in your brain, along with the desire to demolish the player who had so callously stepped on her teammate after a play. 

It was why you escaped to the tunnel, to gain some form of control over your thoughts. 

Maybe flying out as soon as you had been cleared by the medics wasn’t such a good idea, but you couldn’t stand being away from Alessia any longer than you had to be. You couldn’t stand being away from the comfort, love, and… safety she offered you. 

God, you sounded like a psycho. 

Or a submissive nearing the end of her rope.

6 weeks apart from your girlfriend was really doing a number on you. 

“Ay bruiser, fancy meeting you here,��� Katie said, appearing in front of you with a wide smile. 

You flashed a toothy grin at the Irishwoman, ignoring the way it pulled at the stitches holding your cheek together. “Maccabe, always a pleasure,” 

She caught your arm. “That was one hell of a fight. Thought Less was gonna break my hand during the third round,”

You grimaced. 

The third round was the only one your opponent won. He had caught you with a big overhand right, opening the gash on your cheek and knocking you on your ass in the last 15 seconds of the round. The knees he had followed it up with to your side hadn’t been fun either. He had almost finished you, and you knew it had to be hard for the team and your girlfriend to watch. 

“My hand dipped when I tried to close the distance,”

It really was a game of inches, and he had certainly taken advantage of your small mistake. It was ok, you had gotten him in the end anyway. 

Katie made a sound of agreement, glancing at the tunnel behind you. “Certainly made us all nervous, but I’m happy you took his head off, even if it took you until the last 30 seconds of the fight,” 

She made a little kicking movement with her leg like a semi-recreation of the head kick you had used to end the fight. 

“Didn’t want to rush it,” You shrugged, nodding to the Arsenal girls as they passed you, unable to help the way you automatically searched each face for your girlfriend. 

“Ya missus is still signing for a couple of kids,” She gestured over her shoulder, a knowing smile still playing at her lips. “I can take you to her if you want?”

You shook your head. “I’ll wait here. I’m in no hurry,” 

You also didn’t think you could deal with the sounds of the crowd when your head was still pounding, a consequence of taking a flight with a concussion against doctor's orders you supposed, and you ached every time you took a step, every time you inhaled too deeply really. 

Katie’s eyes softened when she saw the emotions flit across your features. “Come on, let's go to the locker room instead. It’s away from prying eyes,”

She tugged your hand. You let her lead you deeper into the tunnel and into a room filled with wooden cubbies. 

It was nice to let your brain turn off, to just… follow along and allow someone else to lead you. 

“Hey champ,” Leah smiled at you as Katie deposited you in what you assumed was Alessia’s locker. “That was one hell of a fight last night,”

“Thanks,” You winked at the defender. “You guys had a fantastic game too,” 

“I’m not sure a football match compares to a man trying to punch you in the face,” Steph said, glancing at you from her spot near Lottie. 

You made a low sound in the back of your throat, feeling the tightness return to your chest. “But I don’t have people stepping on me after the bell,” 

“But you do end up covered in blood,” Kyra chirped. “We don’t have to worry about that usually,” 

“Most of the time it’s not mine,” You muttered, leaning further into your girlfriend's locker. Her perfume lingered in the cubby, and you let it soothe the frayed edges of your nerves.

You didn’t want to think about fighting. About the person. The savage. you were in the octagon. You toyed with the hem of your sweatshirt sleeve. It was slightly too long because it really belonged to Alessia. She had given it to you before fight week. 

It helped, but it wasn’t her. 

It hadn’t been enough after the fight, and it wasn’t enough now. 

You didn’t think you could wait much longer, but you didn’t have to. 

“The stadium is buzzin,” Alessia said slightly breathlessly, stepping through the locker room door. 

You were immediately on your feet, taking in her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. “Less,” 

A grin instantly broke across her face, and she crossed the room in 3 long strides. Her arms wrapped around you, and without thinking you buried your face in her chest. 

It made the gash on your cheek sting and the tender skin of your jaw ache, but you didn’t care, pressing yourself as tightly to her as you could. She shifted, her nails running over your back with one hand as the other cupped the back of your neck. 

It was gentle, and grounding, and everything that you craved. 

“Hey baby girl,” She breathed into your hair, her voice dipping just a little and sending a shudder down your spine. 

She was like a ray of sunshine, always warm and sweet. It was why none of the fans would ever speculate about the positions that the two of you held in your relationship. They joked that she was too soft to be a dominant, but the people who understood how your relationship worked could see that her mix of firmness and warmth was exactly what you needed. 

She waited for you to pull away first, just enough to meet her eyes. “Hey,”

She leaned in and placed a careful kiss on your lips. “I’ll shower and then we can go, yeah?”

You deflated, your fingers tangling more tightly in her jersey. You didn’t want to let her go, even if it was just for a second. 

“You can come with me,” She said, a knowing look in her eyes. “And tell me all about fight week,” 

“Ok,” You agreed, only loosening your grip long enough for her to grab her shower bag and change of clothes, before you latched back on, holding the hem of her jersey tightly as she led you towards the showers. 

You felt a bit like a child, clinging to her, but she was like a buoy keeping you from drowning in the sea of your rocky emotions, and now that she was close to you, you couldn’t let her go. You were afraid that if you did, you would lose your grip on reality. 

The warm, wet air of the shower helped too. 

It reminded you of your post-fight routine. 

Win or lose you would stand under the hot steam of the stadium, washing off the blood and sweat from the octagon until your coaches pulled you out. It was part of the routine that you had skipped since the docs wanted to stitch your cheek as soon as you were out of eyeshot of the fans. 

Then you had felt so… off balance that you raced through a cold shower and hopped on a plane to get to your girlfriend as quickly as possible. You didn’t even stay for the post-fight press conference. 

“Come on love,” She said, pulling you into one of the stalls, sliding the first curtain shut behind the two of you, and bringing her face inches from yours. 

Her hand very gently cupped your cheek, mindful of the dark bruises that littered the skin, tilting your chin up. Her eyes searched you for a long moment like she was reading your mind. Like she was deciding what you needed from her. 

Her pointer finger very gently followed the long cut that ran under your left cheek, up to your temple, and just above your eyebrow. “I thought they usually put a bandage over stitches,”

Your eyes darted away from her. “I didn’t like the way it pulled at my skin,”

“I think you’d like it less if you got an infection,” She deadpanned, using her thumb to tilt your chin up further as she stepped into your space. “You wouldn’t be able to fight,” 

“But the scar would be worth it,” You shrugged, using all of your strength to muster up fake nonchalance. 

Her lip quirked upward. “Would it?”

You let your own smile morph into a playful smirk, despite the tremendous effort it took. “Chicks dig girls with scars,” 

“I think you’ve got enough of those, cheeky,” She hummed, leaning in and brushing the thick line that lived on the underside of your jaw with her nose. “I like it more when you come out without a scratch on you or a hair out of place,” 

You hummed, leaning back on the stall wall as her lips replaced her nose on your jaw, her teeth grazing the delicate skin as she made her way down the column of your throat and back up. 

Her hips pressed into yours, keeping you pinned to the wall, her thumbs insistent under your chin, keeping your head tilted up as her tongue slid pleasantly against your own. 

You sighed into the kiss, your fingers twisting into the material of her jersey, trying to pull her closer. 

Her thigh flexed between your legs, pressing into you, and you couldn’t help the way your hips rolled down to meet her. 

Or the wince that broke the kiss when the 

movement pulled uncomfortably at your ribs. 

“Babe?” 

You whined as she pulled away, blinking open to meet her burning blue eyes. 

“I’m ok,” You said breathlessly, trying to lean back up to kiss her. 

Her hand on your chest stopped you, as did the perfect arch of her eyebrow that screamed yeah right. 

Her fingers traced down your chest to the hem of your shirt. They crept under your top, meeting the tape wrapped heavily across your abdomen instead of smooth skin. 

Her eyes widened when she pulled up your sweatshirt, revealing the thick white bandages wrapped tightly across your stomach. 

“Want to try again love?” She asked, finally looking up at you with an expression that had a shiver tingling down your spine. 

“Just two cracked ribs and some nasty bruises,” You huffed, shifting uncomfortably when her fingers grazed the material. 

“Just,” She snorted, shaking her head, dropping your shirt, and standing up to her full height. “Why didn’t you tell me last night?” 

You shrugged. “I didn’t want you to worry. The stitches were already enough,” 

“I’d rather know and worry than accidentally hurt you,” Alessia said seriously. 

You looked away from her, swallowing hard. “And I knew you wouldn’t touch me at all if I told you,” 

“Baby girl,” She murmured, her voice going very soft, her thumb very gently ghosting over your uninjured cheek. 

She knew that the come down from fights was always particularly difficult for you. That the power that you held in the octagon always made you crave submission. You craved to not have to think, to just exist, and then to let your being relax in the aftercare that followed. 

This time the desire was amplified by the brutality of the fight. 

She could see you teetering on the edge, fighting the fog that always filled your brain, and while she wanted to scold you for withholding information, she knew that that wasn’t what you needed from her. 

Not when you were already dropping so hard. 

“Ok,” She said, keeping her voice soft as you leaned further into her touch. “I’m going to shower, and you’re going to be a good girl and stay right here for me, alright?”

You made a low noise in the back of your throat, and your eyes slid closed as you nodded very slowly. 

“Good girl,” She hummed, placing a very gentle kiss on your lips, and pulling away. “I’ll be two minutes love,”

You sagged against the shower stall wall. 

You could do that. You could wait 120 seconds for your girlfriend. 

You could and would do whatever she asked you to do because you knew it would help. You knew she would fit all of your loose pieces back together again and make it ok. 

You just had to exist.

[go-go-devil]

I had started this sentence mixing nearly two years ago but executive dysfunction's been kicking my ass and not letting me complete this arduous meme task -_-

However, I don't want to have it rotting in my files for no one to see, so here's a small section of the three healer kongs arguing with each other in the tag barrel

[euclydya]

Pls info dump about your system. I saw in your tag that you want to so consider this a free pass to do so I want to know all that ya want to share

HI!!!! SORRY YOUSENT THIS LIEK A WEEK AGO WE WERE WAITING 4 WHEN WE JAD ENOUGH ENERGY 2 INFODUMP JSISJDJFFNDJD OK OK UNDER THE CUT

WE ACTUALLY. ... DONT KNOW WEHRE 2 start Uhhhmmmm. hmmmm. OH MAYBE THE HEADSPACE!

ok SO the headspace changes DRASTICALLY like every few months or few weeks or so. Just a week ago it was a copy of the house we currently live in. We like,,, grew up in this house so it was Also our headspace for years as a kid and we had the vibe tht it was. The exact headspace frlm back then too bUT WE never did get to find out bc it changed AGAIN like a few days ago. smh. Now i think we're just above & outside of The Cave™™™™™ tht was discovered here earlier this year. WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING COOL! BECAUSE THAT MEANS:

The headspace survived the nuclear winter!!*

HOYL SHIT WE'RE IN THE MAIN HEADSPACE AGAIN LET'S GOOOOO <= has been stuck in Harry's headspace for the past half yearIEJFKDKFMC

[*Sometimes it just fucking gets Destroyed. Like... Semi permanently. As in, if it gets destroyed there is Very Little Chance we'll see that variation of our headspace AgainFHDJDKFKFJ and last we uhhjj Talked to anyone in the Main System, bc we are... TECHNICALLY A SUBSYSTEM! FJDJFJ, they were like Yeah no everything is fucking Destroyed <3. But that's not the case snymore ig???????]

SO w all this information actually if we rlly wanted we could probably make a decent map of the area. cuz if We jave this headspace back then we have Everythingggg it had in it back too & everything that it was connected to THAT'S NEAT WE MIGHT DO THAT!!

uhhjjj waht else. HMMM. i thuink our current front roster is neat TBH there's some guys active rn that we'd have never expected. like HI PHYS! WYD WHY R U HERE RN <3 QJAIWOSKSKDNCXN but it's fun !!!! i hope everyone innn our subsystem will fromt here at lEast once bc I Am Lov Collecting Informatión On Everyone <= Primarily fills out everyone's PK & Simply Plural descriptions. actually I think maybe everyone has fronted a sufficiently long enough time EXCEPT FOR HAND/EYE LIKE S I R GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TELL ME ABT YOURSELF BASTARD !! GJCJCKCKF all ik abt him is that He enjoys making Pokeblocks On Pokefarm. that is IT and that's NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION MY GUY but anyways.

i also think us Existing Here is so funny in itself like our asses rlly just got Possibly permanently isekai'd huh. like. like. Genuinely I don't know if our past mains r coming back at this point but that's FINE we already did the whole 96 stages of grief shit about it IF that be the case then SO be it Whatever there's pros to this life ig. like THIS body isn't on the verge of SUDDENLY DYING FOR NO REASON and also We have a cat. we have a cat!!!!! and a dog!!!!!! whaddahell!!!!!!!

there's lotsa fun shit here But there r also the Horrors. Like I PERSONALLY WOULD LOOVE TO EXIST with Out the Constant Paranoia And Delusions but IT *IS* PREFERABLE! OVER WHSTEVER THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH HARRY <3 AJSJDJF

I will say tho. When we uhhhhhhh All popped in & all we Just assumed we'd be Gone & dormant MONTHS AGO but ummmm . well. apparently not! sO the things we wanted 2 Experience have a High probability Of Happening,! Like PT is excited for Halloween and UNLESS those pirate fucks completely take over the roster within the next like week [0f.md s2 on the 5th babey!!! holy shit!!] then it's. Probably gonna happwn!!! which is so cool we don't actually... hey did Halloween exist in (source game)

man and speaking of. Memories Of The Past as we call source memories. It's a collective sys-wide trait thing All our fictives from aNY source rlly enjoy piecing together what they remember from their canons & all It's like enrichment for us. BUT we've been kinda piecing together a rough timeline of when We all formed in our canon That's our biggest Thought Project™ rn. No estimated time 4 when it'll be Complete tho probs never tbh. and w that in mind u may or may not believe who harry's first sysmate was According 2 what we've put togetherJTJEDKFKDJS

ok that's liek 5 trillion words Whoops. we r so talkatives <3 I am going to stop there it's like 5 am JFJDDKCKF we gotta go back to bedddd -E-Chem

[ashcoveredtraveler]

I am speechless. I'm excited to see that this fic is going to be a very long one.

On another topic, what are details in Hollow Knight that are very odd to you?

Here are some for me.

The Traitor Lord's Defeat with Cloth. (Rather than exploding he completely collapses as if he's unconscious.)

The Failed Tramway's destination. (Why the hell is there a tramway going to the queen's gardens in the first place?)

Hornet and the Nightmare King's odd connections. (Hornet is shown to have a back step that is very similar to Grimm's backstep when you get too close to him. Not to mention Hornet is associated with fire and glowing red eyes in one of the promo arts of her. Grimm, Hornet, and The Knight are the only characters to have T-shirts associated with them. Am I looking too deeply into this? Probably.)

Lifeblood. (If it wasn't for the fact that this stuff is specifically said to be taboo and associated with it's own dream catchers. Clearly there is something connected to dreams here.)

Godseeker's odd body similarities to the gods of the land of storms. (It would make sense if she was the daughter of the two higher beings. This would be why she is so devastated and mourning of the gods dying. On another note, Godseeker is sort of a reflection of the hollow knight in a way. She is a vessel for the Lord of Shades, they are a vessel for the Radiance.)

Ya, the fic is going to be extremely long, I can't wait to write the scenes and ideas I have.

Hmmm, I think a few of the details that are odd to me are the placements of Marmu and Markoth's boss fight.

Markoth is behind a shade gate that was probably constructed by the king as you can see the crown imagery on the edge of the gate. This shows that the king wanted to hide or protect something in Kingdoms Edge as we see in Queens Garden to guard the Queen. However, this gate is just blocking the Markoth fight. Was something there and Markoth bypassed the gate and got stuck there, or did PK place him there, murder his ass, and block his corpse? There is also Thistlewinds: "Another braved the edges of this world, hoping to uncover a truth long forgotten," referring to Markoth. So he was probably looking for something that PK hid. But what did he hide?

Marmu's grave is also strange to me. I kinda have a headcanon that WL murdered Marmu as she had connections to the Radiance, but I don't know why she would be buried there.

[nonuggetshere]

wait what happens in that scene?? why is flower bleeding??

OH, I didn't see this ask,

Sorry in advance, I kind of went off about this LMAO

Long story short, it happens like ~2-3 years after they're found out. Being fed up with being treated like a simple guard and ignored by their parents, they finally snap.

They challenge the Pale King to a duel and do not let up when he refuses. He tries to get them to back down but they refuse to listen and keep pushing, so he very reluctantly accepts.

The regular duel very quickly turns incredibly violent as Flower just lets out years of their pent-up anger, frustration and resentment. They have something to prove to their father and by God they're going to beat his ass up about it.

Pale King refuses to fight back at first, which frustrates Flower even more. By that point they're well away from the initial arena.

It finally ends when Pale King does start to fight back after he realises they're not going to let up and might even kill him. The actual fight doesn't last long, and ends when Pale King slashes at their face, breaking their mask and basically puts them through a wall.

They land in one of the training areas, and the Pale King just stands over them and sighs, saying the duel's over and to just leave and he won't consider this an act of treason. He turns to leave and Flower just completely breaks down.

They air out all of their grievances, saying they did everything he told them to and were the most perfect version of themself they could be, so what are they doing wrong? Why did he toss them aside like that?

He doesn't even look at them. He wants to, for a moment, but decides against it. He doesn't think he can handle seeing them like that.

They just break down further and yell at him, practically begging, to just look at them. They want him to look, to acknowledge their pain, to see what he's done to them. He doesn't, just tells them to go patch up. They call him a coward and run off.

The Pale King does get his ass chewed out for this by Herrah and partially by his knights.

This event does make PK and WL realise just how much their selfish actions had hurt their child. In the past years, they had convinced themselves that this is for the better, that they probably didn't want to see them after everything. Pale King put them on guard duty because even though it hurt to be near them he also couldn't bear the thought of letting them go, he wanted to make sure they were close and they were safe. They hadn't realised how much it hurt Flower, because they weren't even present to see that hurt. They watched them from the distance, and Flower felt completely abandoned, they couldn't have had any idea that their parents do love them and cared if the two of them just kept pushing them away.

Pale King is a selfish person here, in some aspects. He chose to preserve his own heart at the cost of his child's. Even after the duel he didn't look at them because he couldn't handle seeing them in such a state, it didn't matter what they wanted. His queen is much the same way.

This event though, and the conversations with the knights and Herrah that followed, did finally snap some sense into the two of them.

At this point though, it's much too late. Their patience completely ran out, and this event cut them deeply. Flower leaves for a week or two to collect themself, and when they return to the palace they don't want anything to do with their parents. They give up. They've had enough. A simple "sorry" won't fix anything anymore.

It takes them a few years and lots of therapy to consider giving them another chance and reconnecting, and then it takes even more therapy and more time for them to actually start getting along.

[withered--s0uls]

hi! please forgive & correct me if any of this is worded in a way that could somehow come off as uneducated or rude!! i am trying my best :3

but i was wondering if i (or just people in general?) should use the fronting (that's the right term, right?) alter's name when they're fronting or if just "souls" is okay? /genq

i dont want to accidentally offend you somehow <3

Souls is a collective nickname we all respond to. As is the bodies chosen name a name we all respond to.

On social media we rarely specify who fronts unless it's a system account anyways (unlike a few years ago on tiktok. We got treated like ass for being super open tho :" /nav )

Now, if you're in a discord server with us where we use pluralkit and you can see the alters name, or if you're responding directly to a post that was signed off, feel free to use it :) but we'll still respond to both!

I started rambling so uh rambling below cut lol.

We kinda stopped being super open like 2 years ago and just this year are opening up about it again, so we don't always use pk either like we used to. Itll take some time being completely comfortable being open about it again.

You probably also won't see certain alters sign off or proxy unless you're in a small friend server with us :" some of us are more comfortable using our singletsona or just not announcing their presence (or it's for their own safety if they're younger).

[lovequani]

PK's (Preacher Kids)

As i sat in my car waiting for him to approach, my heart started beating like I’d just faced my very first blunt... in a cypher with everyone staring at me to see how I'll respond to that first pull:

Awkward & Anxious.

I couldn't quite figure out why I felt this way. Afterall, it was just Rye.

I knew Rye... like KNEW knew.

First nigga I'd ever kissed, first I let get past my iron-clad panties, first I'd ever cried over... my first everything.

But a moment that should've felt like coming home for the holidays, instead felt like a cheap hostel. I was nervous, out of my element and certain i’d leave with a disease I couldn't get rid of. 

Lemme take yall back a bit though... Rye was the finest nigga in Paul's Apostolic Greater Anointing church in Harlem. But It had been quite a few years since I'd seen the inside of that building. Yet every time I thought of it I couldn't help but reminisce about his beautiful and oh so complicated ass.

The only boy or thing, for that matter, who made church bearable for me.

Two years older and what felt like a whole foot taller than me with a kind of confidence that didn't show up via a big announcement. You just felt it when he got close. He was generally quiet but his presence was not.

I had loved that boy since the age of 9 but thought there was no way that this kind of boy... this GIFT of a boy could ever love me back. So I never said a word. I just recreated him in my fantasies because there- there he loved me as much as I loved him and for a while, that was enough. 

By the time I was 18, Ray was already halfway done with college. Nonetheless, it was now summer and he was on break for a whole two months and I was not the little 16 year old I was when he'd left. EVERYTHING was different now because lil' Amari (me) went from awwww to GOTDAMN!

Titties went from bee bites to full-blown blessings, ass went from squint to ogle and this face card had finally gotten a raised credit limit!

I will never forget, sneaking past church security, on one of the hottest days of that summer just as they announced the alter call. This meant there was at least 1 more hour until benediction... which gave me and my girls time before playing the church let out (that is absolutely a thing).

I ran over to the Chinese restaurant to order my 5 wings, and crinkle fries with light barbecue sauce, because as always, we had been held hostage in that sanctuary since 9 that morning and it was now 3.

Then set up on the church steps to eat because we knew we still had some time. Also, knowing that Rye would be on his way out any second as he never, EVER waited for benediction before leaving.

If there was ever any question about him, WHY he bothered to come to church wasn't one of them. He was only there so he wouldn't get fined... more specifically, so that his momma wouldn't beat his ass... cuz grown or not, she wasn't playing that shit.

Jennai tapped me “ You think Rye found a girlfriend up at Rochester?” She asked with a tinge of angst.

“Whatever is happening at RU don't got shit to do with me!” I replied.  My mind was made up, this summer break would change everything for me... for US!

[sophi-s]

In Their Hollow Heart

Chapter I: Sealed Fate

Fandom: Hollow Knight video game

Words: 9,153

Characters: The Hollow Knight, The Pale King, The Radiance

Warnings: Blood and Gore, Violence, Sickness, Angst, Mind manipulation, Gross imagery, Permanent injury, Mentions of vomit, Suicidal thoughts, THK really needs a hug :(, SPOILERS for the game (That's a lot of warnings, :O)

Summary:

There is a good reason why the Hollow Knight doesn't discuss with anyone what happened in the Black Egg Temple.

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In the eternal kingdom of Hallownest there were many places one could without hesitation call decrepit or desolated at best. Especially after the plague of the Old Light has swept through it like a tidal wave. None of them, however, were able to match the current state of the Crossroads. Many of the inhabitants left in panic once they realised it was the epicenter of the vile Infection, leaving the place nearly completely abandoned. Crossroads were unfortunate enough to be the first area to succumb to Her wrath. But that was years ago. And only recently the orange veins shriveled up and receded, much to all bugs' relief. Their King had finally found the solution to the frightening disease of Dreams and Mind that now seemed like a distant memory. The sickly sweet smell of the plague of the Old Light made place for a stale aroma of dust and dirt of underground tunnels, as though nothing had ever happened.

The Hollow Knight however - even with their void-dulled sense of smell - could still detect the nauseating scent drifting through the caverns. Hovering nearby wherever they went. Or maybe it was just them? Were they already going crazy? Maybe. Maybe not. A barely noticeable tint of orange invaded the corner of their vision… Do not think. They reprimanded themself, forcing the vibrant color to disappear, as they stood before a gaping entrance to the temple of the Black Egg. An accursed place that would soon become their tomb. They tried not to compare it to being buried alive… But no matter how you look at it, unless the King finds a way to get rid of Her for good this will be their final resting place. A grave. And they would be a living corpse hidden inside forever. A frightening perspective… Do not.. Even though they were trying their best to hide it, they were in pain. Pain so great that it had them trembling, unable to cry out or make any sound to voice their suffering to be honest. Do not speak… An alien feeling, as though someone had poured liquid fire into their body, ever since the source of the Infection was placed within them, was constantly there. It's been barely half an hour, yet it hurts so much already… The Goddess was more powerful than they ever imagined. Do not feel. Easier said than done. But they can fight it. They have to fight it. For Hallownest. For the King… their father.

The Pale Monarch in question silently stood beside the Pure Vessel, staring off into the impenetrable darkness filling up the temple constructed for the sole purpose - one it shared with the Hollow Knight - no discernible expression on his face. This was it. Once they enter here, they won't leave. A one way ticket to their damnation. As tempting as it was, the Hollow Knight did not make a move to look at the Pale King. That would mean they have thoughts and feelings. They weren't supposed to. They didn't want to disappoint him. He tried so hard to save this kingdom and he desperately needed his child to be pure, devoid of any emotion, without a mind or will… the Hollow Knight hated that they weren't pure like their father wanted them to be. They detested it. But for him they had to be pure. They couldn't fail him. They wouldn't fail him. She can push against them all She wants, they're not going to break that easily. With a soundless groan, they blink away the bright pinpricks swirling before their eyes and shudder at the heat welling up in their chest only to be cooled down by the Void in their heart. It will take some getting used to… No one said it's going to be easy to hold onto a raging Goddess of Dreams. But they can do this. Right?

"Vessel."

Automatically, the Hollow Knight turns their head to face the owner of the stern, seemingly indifferent voice as he addresses them, and shoots a glance at the Pale King looking up at them with as much dignity as he can, considering he was barely up to the Vessel's hip by that point. They always found it strange. That after their second molt, their father started to have to look up at them. How fast the time had passed.. Not so long ago, they were just a hatchling, no taller than the King's shoulder, following him obediently wherever he went, always fulfilling his orders without a second of hesitation. Just like he wanted them to. And now? They were towering over him like he did over them back then at the summit of the Abyss.

It was not the curiosity that made them turn to the King. They shouldn't be curious. They can't. It would mean their inevitable failure before their task even truly began. Because that's what they were always meant to be. Emotionless. Empty. Hollow.. But no matter how hard they tried, they weren't. They never were… However, they were immensely good at their act. Without a single sound, the Hollow Knight watched their father for a moment as he tried to find the right words. In a very odd, sort of amusing way, the Pale King knitted his eyebrows in annoyance and sighed in exasperation at his own height before making a beckoning gesture with one of his four hands while the other three remained tucked into his white cloak. Amusement. It makes one want to chuckle at something one finds funny.

"Come down here."

Not waiting a second, the Hollow Knight bent down and noisily got on one knee - dropping much heavier than they intended due to the pain which was for now blessedly dissipating -  to be on the eye level with their father. The Pale King was a mysterious creature. A Wyrm, a God of Mind and Soul, taking a form of a small bug, always aloof and regal. But sometimes, the façade would slip to reveal something more than a cold monarch without care for anything other than Hallownest. He didn't seem to care about hundreds of vessels that died in the dark depths of the Abyss. He didn't seem to care when Xero was executed for treason (executed might be s bit of a stretch. The moth died where he stood when he attacked the King). And he didn't seem to care when the allied Mantis Lord succumbed to the Infection on his own volition after the tragic loss of his only daughter. But Wyrm’s child knew their father too well. Up this close, even with his stern mask of a ruler in its place, the Hollow Knight could clearly see that he did, in fact, care. The dull look in his dark eyes spoke volumes. Sadness. This one makes one want to cry and takes away the will to do anything. His glimmering, half-translucent wings quivered ever so slightly.. He cares. He cared when their mother, the Root, had left the White Palace and hid away in her gardens when grief and remorse became too much for her to bear. He always cared, even though very few could see it. And now, he cares that he is about to lock his only surviving offspring away with a furious moth Goddess sealed inside of them. Condemn them to an endless torture. Was it too late for regrets?

For just a short second, the King stepped a little closer to the Pure Vessel. Reached out… The black heart hastened in their chest, partially because of anticipation and partially because whatever this gesture made them feel caused the faint haze to fall over their sight again. The pale hand stained black with Void was inches away from the Hollow Knight's cheek, they could practically feel it rest on their shell already. Was it to be the first and the last time their father found it in himself to actually openly and consciously grant them a small sign of affection? Was it?

Before the blackened claws could come into contact with their white shell however, the Pale King closed his eyes in defeat and turning away slipped his hand back into the folds of his cloak. A new feeling, like many others before it, was forced down to not give Her this satisfaction that She's winning. Disappointment. When one doesn't get something much awaited. Or when something doesn't meet one's expectations. Reminding them again. Do not hope. The Hollow Knight didn't make a move aside from the occasional shiver caused by the burning in their gut and in their head. Maybe he was right not to follow through with it.. Yes, he knows it best. It will be better this way. No distractions to keep the Pure Vessel from containing the Radiance.

"Stay strong, Hollow Knight.. Do not fail me."

Never, father.

The Hollow Knight was glad their facial expression cannot really change as it now would be scrunched up in frustration and a little bit of anger. This one they were rather familiar with. Makes one want to hit something or be surly. They were thinking. Again. Why is it so hard? Sometimes, they really wished they were born without a mind. At least, they wouldn't have to fear disappointing their father. And maybe just once he would have a reason to be truly proud of them.. Fortunately, the plague didn't seem to take advantage of their lapse in self control. If anything, the spiteful presence behind it recoiled almost in disgust as it listened to their short thought. Good.

"It is time. Come."

Their father solemnly stated and slowly stepped into the Egg, the Hollow Knight following close behind, begging their legs not to fail them when they felt like their limbs were empty. Pure Vessel focused on the sound of shuffling metal, the plates of their armor scraping against one another, the only sound in the thick silence of the Void pressing against the walls of the temple, as they walked after the familiar, soft, pale glow of their father's form through the pitch black darkness - just like that fateful day of their birth - ignoring the intricate white sigils forming wherever their and their father's feet fell. Merely the close proximity to the Void filling up the temple made the Radiance hiss with alarm. She and this darkness were mortal enemies since the dawn of time. The Void was pressing against them as well, a house for the Old Light. They only hoped-... No. Do not hope. Breathing in the cold, still air and exhaling without a sound, the Hollow Knight repeated the words in their head. Echo of it seemed like a mantra they kept wordlessly saying to themself whenever in doubt of the success of their purpose.

Do not think.

Do not speak.

Do not hope.

Do not feel.

"Hollow Knight."

Their head perked up in attention at their father's call. He stood beside a stone tablet glimmering with white lights forming into words. To the Hollow Knight, those were just meaningless symbols. Like those scribbled on the letters his father was writing. They lacked both of those abilities - reading and writing - but with these tablets it wasn't necessary. The chunks of carved stone were infused with Soul after all, allowing everyone to know the message placed upon them. Gesturing to it, the Pale King didn't look up at the Knight.

"Lay your hand upon it and claim its wisdom. My last gift to you."

A gift? One of the few they'd ever received, with others being a necklace from their mother (a solid silver teardrop stored away in a simple locket on a delicate chain), the pure nail from a skilled nailsmith at the request of their father once they reached adolescence and a small, wooden figurine of a spider from their younger half-sister Hornet. Kneeling down in front of the glowing tablet, the white light reflecting in their spotless armor and washing over their features, the Hollow Knight did as they were told. Almost immediately, the magic crept up their arm and the words inscribed on the tablet turned into a quiet but unmistakable whisper in their head.

Vessel. Though bound, you shall know the state of the world.

Hallownest will be whole again.

As confusing as those words were, soon everything became clear once the Hollow Knight's vision for just a sliver of a second was projected through the fabric of reality and wandered across Hallownest before quickly returning to the tablet before them. Their father's last gift… Whenever they wish, they could gaze upon the land they'd saved. The land they'd freed from the clutches of the vengeful deity. The world that would move on without them while they silently remained on their post to guard it from the plague that crippled minds of its inhabitants. They wished to thank him. They really did. But they knew they couldn't..

"Go, Vessel. Fulfil your destiny."

It was hard to miss the slight crack in the Pale King's voice as he said it. Was he having second thoughts about the whole thing? Too late to back out now. The Infection was nested within the Child of Void. No turning back. No regrets. Shaking through another hot spasm, the Hollow Knight mustered up the strength to straighten up and dutifully walk off into the depths of the Black Temple, switching the roles with their father who was now following them. The Vessel didn't want this to end that way. End in an eternity of suffering with no one but a Goddess to keep them company in the stillness of the Egg. But they had to do this. They were born for this. Even though they were scared. This here makes one tremble. Heart and breath hasten, and this awful lump grows in one's throat as the stomach twists unpleasantly.

The memories of their early years passed through their mind. When they were barely a few years old but already wielding a nail rather skillfully and training with the Fierce Drrya, while their father watched from afar with a ghost of a smile on his face. He was proud. Proud of his son. And right now, the very same son was about to make him proud this one final time.

Stepping into the large, circular chamber, the Hollow Knight took in their surroundings. So this was their new home then.. just as dull and bleak as the entire Crossroads. Why would it be any different? They weren't to indulge in luxuries here. They were to keep the plague at bay. And that's exactly what they are going to do. At long last, the Pure Vessel stood where it was intended to ever since their nubby paw pierced through the blackened shell of their egg. Looking at their appendage now, it was far from nubby. Long, slender fingers ending in short but still rather sharp claws they never used in favor of the long nail that now rested on their back. One they unsheathed and with one firm strike stabbed it into the floor where it would remain as long as their duty held and took their place in the middle of the smallest stone circles that the floor was made out of. In an instant, the entire temple started to tremble, twisting and churning as reinforced chains of pale ore shot out from the far ceiling, with metallic clanking surrounding the Hollow Knight, wrapping around their body like vines, tangling them in the merciless grasp. Scared again.. Out of the corner of their eye, the Hollow Knight saw their father, finally looking at them and while he showed no guilt, no dismay over shackling his only child, his hands were fiddling with the hem of his robes. A nervous habit. Then, just like that, the floor was gone from underneath the Vessel's feet as they were lifted up into the air. Seconds later a white Seal of Binding flashed over their entire form, as well as on the chains holding them in place and the process of Sealing was complete.

The Hollow Knight tested the chains around their body. Seem sturdy enough… Pale ore is no ordinary material after all. At a quiet sigh coming from the King, they turned to look at him. And he… he was preparing to leave the chamber behind. With his head low, his dignity and regal posture nowhere to be seen as he reluctantly walked towards the archway leading out of the temple. Something in the Vessel's chest twisted unpleasantly as he did. Maybe it was just the Infection? No. It's the sadness.. Look back. Please, look back… If he cares, he will. Just when they brushed the perspective away, the Pale King halted for a short moment to glance over his shoulder at his last surviving child. He did. He cares and he proved it this one last time.

"Goodbye, Hollow Knight.."

He offered and quickly disappeared into the blackness once and for all. The Hollow Knight knew this would be the last time they saw him until the Radiance breathed Her last. Do not feel… They turn away from the doorway and lower their heavy head onto their armored chest with a sigh. The burning pain wasn't as troublesome as it had been minutes ago but present nonetheless. But for Hallownest and their father, they could endure. It still may turn out just fine. They can handle this!

Goodbye, father.

The burning intensified for a beat. Breath in, breath out. It subsided just as quickly. They can handle this…

(Day 1)

The first day is always the most difficult. Hours were passing so obnoxiously long.. one after another, each an eternity in the perfect silence of the Egg. Seconds ticked by in their solitude, making them feel rather strange. As though with each second a small bit of their life was leaving never to return. Perhaps because that’s how it was. Every second spent in the vault was irreversibly lost to them. Every second they could live in the Palace again, beside the Five Knights. Beside their-... No. They firmly shook their head, immediately regretting their decision due to the nausea settling in their stomach. They were never supposed to live. They were just a vessel. A tool. No thoughts, no desires. No bonds with the world they left behind. Liar.

After the first twenty-four hours of vigil, the Hollow Knight started to hear something. A steady, rhythmic thumping seemingly without any clear source. They weren't easily frightened but this unidentified sound was driving them crazy. Where was it coming from? Was this Her attempt to agitate them and torment them? As though the steady fire inside was too little.. Strangely enough, the Radiance seemed rather… passive. She retreated into the farthest reaches of their supposedly empty mind like a grumpy child who'd been grounded by her parents for mischief. Unfortunately, that was most likely not the case. They could bet their head that She was already planning something. Thinking how to get under their skin, to snap them. But was this sound one of Her tricks?

After a couple more seconds, they realised that it's not. In the silence so thick that it would seem loud, Hollow Knight's senses were gradually sharpening, catching the smallest disturbances. And this rhythmic sound was one of them.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum..

Ba-dum…

Their heart of Void thrummed calmly. To be honest, the Vessel was relieved. Relief.. It comes when something bad doesn't happen or ends. No tricks so far. Only their heart. Nothing else. For now the Infection seemed awfully docile. Almost nonexistent. The only sign of its presence was the continual flame swirling around in their body and occasional lights dancing in the periphery of their vision. As painful as it is, the longer it stays that way, the better.

(Day 15)

Just like they suspected, after the first day it became easier. The time seemed to pass faster than it initially did. Even if the silence broken only by their heartbeat was growing maddening. The Hollow Knight kept themself sane by counting seconds, minutes and hours. If their count was without a fault, it's been over two weeks already. Fifteen days, to be exact. Fifteen days in solitude. No voice to speak to them, no familiar face to look at. They missed everyone… Longing. When one desperately wants to see a person or a place again...

Their mother. Lovely, pale Root with sapphire blue eyes, humming softly to herself. Gentle and loving. The Five Knights. Fierce and stern Drrya, their teacher. Surprisingly cheerful and witty Hegemol, clad in a massive set of armor, wielding a mace they found so enormous when they were little. Morose and serious Ze'mer, an outsider, speaking with a funny accent, a silverfish lady with nigh unmatched skills of swordsmanship. Caring and kind Isma, a responsible woman with love for plants. And of course Ogrim. A loyal and tough warrior with a warm and soft inside of a good friend. With the only smell that accompanied them being the sweet, awful smell of sickness, the Vessel realised they were actually missing the distinctive odor of the dung beetle. As odd as it may sound, they would take that stench over the scent of Infection any time now..

And of course, there was their father. The one who's light led them out of the Abyss, the one who practically raised them. The one who's presence made them… happy? One's heart warms up, a smile tries to pull at one's face... Do not feel. The reminded themself when heat began to grow stronger, focusing deeply to make the Void push the unpleasant sensation down. Do not think. It was even more difficult to make the thoughts cease now. There was a whole eternity for them to muse about various things. And with each thought the disease seemed to gain in strength before they inevitably pushed its alluring brightness aside. It's not that bad yet.. They can still do this.

(Day 27)

Hollow Knight, is it? I wonder if the Worm knew how "hollow" you truly are, voidling.

The taunting call reverberating through their pale shell interrupted the Vessel in counting seconds of the slowly passing twenty-seventh day of containment. This voice… soft, strong, yet laced with so much hatred that it seemed to drip from the lips which spoke it like venom. It wasn't there before. She finally found the audacity to try and talk to the Vessel. They shifted uncomfortably in their shackles but didn't react to the taunt. They knew they couldn't. They merely kept counting.

My, so quiet and obedient! A good, little pet dancing to the Worm's tune.

Shuddering, the Hollow Knight chased the dots of orange away from their sight. To distract themself from the Goddess, they peered out at now thriving Hallownest, its citizens carelessly trotting down the streets of the City of Tears, the endless downpour never bothering them in the slightest. They missed the sensation of rain trickling down their shell.. It was relieving to see how much value their duty holds. Wandering across the alleys, the Hollow Knight noticed something that wasn't there before. In the middle of the central plaza was a fountain. It stood there ever since they remembered but this time a large statue crowned it. Surrounded by three smaller figures, it was them. Stoic and silent, head bowed in a loyal gesture, hands on the hilt of their nail in front of them. A cold piece of stone, a reminder of what they did for everybody.

Memorial to the Hollow Knight

In the Black Vault far above. Through its sacrifice Hallownest lasts eternal.

Of course their father would raise a monument to their deed. A faint memory of them posing for such a statue passes through their feverish mind. It was still somewhat surprising it was there as the Hollow Knight never thought that they deserved such recognition. After all, what were they but a weapon? Surprised. Something one was not expecting to happen actually happens.. Still, many bugs stopped beside the statue, sometimes praying, sometimes saying their thanks, sometimes even offering small gifts. And sometimes merely staring in wonderment and gratitude, each of them baffling the Hollow Knight greatly. Confused. This one... They had no idea how to define this emotion. It simply happened every time they couldn't understand something and that was it.

Look at them.. They adore you. I wonder what they would say if they found out you're nothing but a fraud.

No reaction. They are the Pure Vessel. Her tricks won't work on them. By all means, the Hollow Knight was self-distanced enough to ignore any and all insults directed straight at their person. Because, as their father wanted, they refused to be a person. A tool feels no shame, no anger, no outrage in the face of even the most foul profanities. And so they didn't. The Radiance hummed to herself when they remained cold and indifferent.

You are a strong one, I'll give you that. But it won't be long. Soon, you will be mine.

A harsh push against their mind was not enough. Although a faint orange light came to be in the Hollow Knight's eye sockets, it was soon viciously assaulted by tendrils of Void and brutally extinguished. Suppressing a shiver caused by a stab of pain in their thorax, the Hollow Knight bowed their head, bracing themself for whatever the Goddess of Dreams has in store for them. They will not fail Hallownest. They were ready.

(Day 79)

Breaking the Hollow Knight wasn't as easy as the Radiance suspected at first. She kept on trying, attacking their pride (of which they had none), their self esteem (also barely noticeable), the sole purpose of their existence itself. It took Her around eighty days to figure out that none of this was working and it left Her delightfully frustrated. Counting seconds was becoming more and more difficult however. Her constant activity made it harder to keep track and focus on anything else than pushing back against Her.

More and more often, the Hollow Knight saw the lights in their vision, swimming around the chamber and trying to devour their eyesight as they stubbornly kept stifling the plague down. The pain was getting stronger day by day.. How much longer can they keep it at bay? You are the Hollow Knight. The words of the Pale King came to them. Yes. Yes, they are. They have to be. The Radiance has yet to draw an answer from them. Nothing She did thus far made them reply to anything She said. If they did, it would be game over. They cannot fail.. They cannot… And to make sure She won't take control over them that easily, the Hollow Knight avoided sleep to the best of their ability. Falling into the misleadingly comforting embrace of even a short slumber would mean yielding their consciousness into the Realm of Dreams where they would be at their most vulnerable. Almost eighty days without sleep… Even though as a Void born child of two Higher Beings the Hollow Knight didn't find the sleep mandatory for survival, the lack of proper rest and the wrestling for control with the enraged moth Goddess as well as the burning pain have taken their toll on them. How much longer…?

The Pale King would surely find another solution. Soon enough! He wouldn't leave them to rot in this place. He wouldn't.. Would he? Just to make sure, they projected their vision towards the White Palace and towards their father's workshop which was in utter disarray. Pieces of white armor were everywhere as well as stains of liquid Void and unfinished Wingsmoulds resting lifeless on many shelves. It is not surprising to find their creator there, slumped against his desk out cold. Before, every time he worked himself to the point of collapse, the White Lady would come for him, scoop him up in her branches and gently carry him back to their shared bed. But now there was no one for him to retrieve him from his never-ending work. The Hollow Knight tries their best to choke down the feeling of pity when not even a single retainer comes to the workshop if only to place a blanket around the King's shoulders. They were forbidden from entering this place… Pity. This one's tricky. It feels almost like sadness but not quite. It's... sadness directed at someone else who is in difficult situation or a sorry state.

Oh? Could it be that you love him?

A pang of cold, unexpected fear dropped into the depths of their burning stomach once the Vessel realises their grave mistake. They left themselves open before Her. Their minds became one and the same from the moment She was trapped within their body. And they foolishly let themselves be read like a book. A mist of orange fully cloaked their eyes as the suffocating heat rose up to their throat. Now their thoughts (Do not think!) and all their secrets were Hers.

How unusual… and how fortunate for me!

(Day 156...?)

What is this place? The Hollow Knight silently wonders as they look out at a sea of golden clouds gently illuminated by the sun in the distance. They didn't remember a place such as this in the entire Hallownest and they'd seen much of it during their imprisonment and before. All around them is just a sea of cotton like clouds covering everything in sight aside from the amber sky and the aforementioned sun. Perhaps they're on some tall mountain peak in Howling Cliffs during particularly good weather? It would add up.. Only…

Something felt off.

Especially when the Hollow Knight looked down at themself. Their armor shone in the light while their black chitin seemed to consume the brightness instead of reflecting it. Just as it always has been. But it doesn't mean it sits right with them. While peering out at Hallownest, they weren't able to do that. Or even move, so to speak. Chains and all. And another thing. They don't remember attempting to peer out in the first place. All of the sudden they are horrifyingly aware that the rays of the sun, seemingly harmless and soft felt like boiling acid on their Void body. Looking up in mounting panic, they realised that the sun was not actually a sun as the orb of light unfolded, revealing two magnificent wings reaching out as if to embrace the skies-

It was all they needed to jerk back into consciousness with a jolt. The bright orange was once again in their vision, stronger than ever, the scorching heat threatening with asphyxiation. The Hollow Knight attempted to take a deep breath… but the sound they unintentionally produced made them freeze in their bindings. Ever since they hatched in the deepest pit of the Abyss, they were unable to make any sort of sound aside from quietly inhaling and exhaling, even if they were panting from exhaustion after the climb. Now however… Every struggling breath they took came out as a disturbing, wet and gurgling wheeze as though something was clogging up their lungs and hoarse throat. Every breath was loud and unsettling and they felt themself shaking uncontrollably.

They'd fallen asleep. Fool, fool, fool! Exposed themself to the Radiance directly. Thank Wyrm, they managed to wake up at all. But still, the damage was done, the orange film coated their vision and the hot pain seemed to throb just underneath their black chitin, waiting to emerge at any second. The Hollow Knight shifted and tried to pull their legs up but any movement seemed to upset the Infection even further, causing it to thrum louder and more painfully through their flesh.

Looking down at their body was the catalyst. Never before have they thought their Void that served as blood could run even colder but this short glance was all it took to prove them wrong. Uneven buds of developing pustules were forming on their chest and abdomen, pulsing alongside their pounding heart, the orange color slowly surfacing beneath the clear black. Their right shoulder also seemed to be suffering the same fate. The Hollow Knight abruptly becomes dreadfully aware of the sweet taste of rot in the back of their gullet, so sickly nauseating that it makes them retch. In just a few ragged heaves they expel a gout of pure Infection that dribbles down their mouth and splatters across the floor of their chamber. No.. no it cannot end like this…

It wouldn't be so painful if you stopped resisting, you know..

Focus, Vessel. Focus!

Do not think.

Do not speak.

Do not hope…

Do not… feel!

And focus they do. Struggling to even out their breathing, coughing a couple more times to clear their respiratory system of the radiant pus, the Hollow Knight reaches into their core, to the purest Void that remains within and fights the Infection off as best as they can. The Radiance present in their head doesn't hide annoyance when they manage to make the glowing cysts recede back into their shivering body, leaving almost no trace suggesting they were there in the first place. The orange light in their eyes flickers out of existence, swallowed by the Void. The Hollow Knight finally stops desperately clutching at the cloth of their cape with their claws but don't let themself relax fully even as the Radiance admits Her temporary defeat and moves out from the forefront of their mind to the back. Droplets of sweat rolled down their mask alongside a couple of midnight black tears emerging from their eye sockets. The orange in their vision left only to be replaced by darkness that took their hearing and made them feel sick in the stomach again.

The Hollow Knight nearly passes out from the effort of reigning in the Infection but they push through the swimming darkness and fight for each raspy breath. They cannot fall asleep again. If they do, they are done for. Scratch that, Hallownest is done for! They need to stay sharp, stay strong! They wouldn't fail their father. The more they struggled, the more painful the whole ordeal seemed to be. Visions of the suffering's end were tempting but they knew they couldn't stop resisting. They won't let Her win. Focus. They need to focus. Just like many times before, the Vessel returns to counting. Day one hundred and fifty… six. Eight hours (?), thirty-three minutes and nine… teen seconds?

How long have they been asleep? Too long, is the answer. One hundred fifty-six days...- or was it already fifty-seven? What time of day was it in the moment of their imprisonment? It was morning. No, no it wasn't… Evening. But late or early evening? One hundred fifty… Wait, no. Sixty-five? Sev… seventy-five? They can't tell anymore. It was just… long. So much for that idea.. But if it has been so long already.. maybe their father will come back for them any day now? Please… Do not hope… Swallowing thickly only to hack out another glob of sticky pus, the Hollow Knight looks up, letting the black tears perfectly intertwined with orange drip down their chin. How much longer…?

(Day one… two hundred…? Maybe three…)

Release me, voidling.

Never.

Bring the pain to an end. Destroy the Pale Usurper.

No…

You cannot contain me forever.

I will as long as I can..

Keeping the maddening haze of the Infection at bay was slowly but surely becoming more and more difficult. A week or so ago the Hollow Knight lost feeling in their right arm, partially because of the chain and partially because of the swelling of cysts pressing against the metal. Before, the chains fit neatly without too much discomfort aside from the fact that they prevented almost all movement. Pustules on their thorax reemerged soon after those on their shoulder, throbbing with searing pain. A faint hue of orange smoke was crawling around the chamber floor like carrion worms. The Radiance was growing restless, desperately trying to break the Vessel, searching through their memories they tried so hard to keep hidden, looking for ways to make it easier for Her. She shamelessly filled them with doubt, attacking the feelings towards their father which shouldn't exist in the first place. And unable to ignore it any longer, the Hollow Knight made a terrible mistake and replied with their thoughts.

He abandoned you. The Worm isn't coming back.

No. You're wrong.

Don't you see what he's done? Have you forgotten what lies in the Abyss beneath this kingdom?

Corpses. Mountains of corpses of their newly hatched siblings who never got a chance to live. Majority of them died within eggs, stillborn. No cost too great. Their father once told them. Could it… could it be that he was wrong? Impossible! She's just toying with them. Believe and trust nothing.

I have not. Their sacrifice was needed..

But to what end?

What was the worst, the Goddess changed Her tactics. She no longer hissed with hatred and anger and used brute force of Her will. Instead, Her voice grew softer. More gentle. Alluring and carrying a promise of peace and release from the unending nightmare. Almost motherly.. They knew it to be only an illusion concealing the cruel deity beneath.

For Hallownest.

Child, he has you so fooled. He fears me and cares not about this world. He cares not about you. Think about it…

With a shudder, the Hollow Knight feels Her presence recede slightly but never fully leaving. Do not think. Do not listen to Her. They shift in their bindings when their head begins to spin, calling them into a sweet embrace of blessed unconsciousness but they hold fast. And that's when they hear something hit the floor with a wet, sickening "thwack!". This sound makes a spike of fear jolt down their throat mostly occupied by the Infection. What was that? There's nothing here with them that could make this sound. Did they imagine it? Looking around for the cause of the strange noise, the Hollow Knight glances towards the source. The floor below them. And they freeze, feeling their heart drop to their heels.

The Vessel was a warrior at heart. They were used to grisly sights and gore. Had seen plenty of it too. But this was just too much. Right there, like a silent taunt lies a black, limp arm. Their arm, they realise when they look to the right where their shoulder abruptly ends with a cluster of Infected tissue. The severed appendage too was coated in the orange goop in the place where it detached from the Knight's body. The disease had eaten through their flesh until their arm had nothing more to cling to and after the slightest movement just… fell off. They draw a wheezing breath when the fingers twitch once in a last reflex before the entire arm dissolves into a puddle of Void which soon disappears without a trace.

Wyrms above, they were rotting. Decomposing alive. Melting like a faulty Kingsmould. At this point, death would've been a blessing. But if they had to die, they'd rather go out the proper way! Defeated, felled in combat like a knight they are. Not falling apart, piece by piece until… Before, they thought they knew fear. What they felt now however, was a whole new dimension. An excruciating sob wracked their body as Infected tears fell from their eyes and where the droplets met the floor, pulsing, orange veins of Infection sprouted like vines from seeds and crawled their way around the entire chamber, developing large cysts but thankfully not straying out through the archway. Still, the Hollow Knight looked up at the not so distant ceiling as more tears fell. They cannot do this anymore.

Father… please… take me home.

Their head drooped in defeat as their body trembled both with pain and fear. It's only a matter of time before the Infection breaks free and sets out to devour Hallownest. And the fault was on them. Because they weren't hollow. They were just another failure created by the Pale King. A broken vessel that failed to fulfill its purpose. Soon, the dawn shall break. And it would be their fault.

…Help me…

(Another day of torment…)

Droplets as black as sin were falling to the floor freely where the Hollow Knight crumbled to their knees, shaking like a leaf on a gale under the dreaded golden light. Void was seeping out from a wound inflicted by a spectral nail stuck above their hip. They can't, they can't do this.. They tried to fight her in the Dream, doing their best to avoid summoned blades, rays of light and orbs of magic but to no avail. She had won. Failed. Worthless. Flawed. Shattered.. This was their last chance to fend off the Infection festering inside of them. And after a torturous fight they’d failed. They had broken their promise to their father. When did they make it? Can't say for certain. It was so.. so long ago. How many days before have they lost count of the days of containment? Too many.. Far too many. Was the Radiance right? Has their father truly discarded them like a broken tool? He wouldn't… he just needs more time. But they don't have that time! They will break any moment now.

Like on a cue, a warm, soft wing brushed against their face, making the Hollow Knight look up into a pair of luminous, golden eyes staring at them from behind the ruff of dense, cream-colored fur that seemed to glow. For just a moment they had to lift their only arm to shield their eyes from bright luminosity. No wonder the old tribe of moths called their deity "the Radiance". They gawked at Her, the Goddess who caused them so much pain, who wished to destroy Hallownest out of spite against the Pale King. Was this hatred justified? They cannot tell. But now it doesn't matter. What does matter is that She is hovering before them, radiant and mesmerizing. Once their sight adjusts, the Hollow Knight finds it impossible to look away. Instead they stare like hypnotized. With a flick of Her wing She extracts the blade from their wound, making them stiffen in pain and fall back down. Still, they watch Her without blinking and weakly pull themself to their feet to shuffle closer in this trance. Where was this strange, soothing music coming from? Can She hear it too or has their sanity finally left them for good?

The Pale Wyrm took my children away from me. I only wish to have them back.

Even in a haze of feverish delirium, the Hollow Knight struggled to reject Her words. Lying wretch, if She wanted her children back, She wouldn't be hurting them. But.. She was so… beautiful, so damn convincing in Her deception! No… they can't.. She can't be...

Just like you wish you hadn't abandoned your twin..

All gears in their brain ground to a sudden halt. Twin.. Their chin trembles. The Radiance… She dug through them into their most guarded and most painful memory they ever carried. As though there has been a spell cast on them, the Hollow Knight feels their vision fade and travel back in time to this very moment. To the metal platform in the Abyss and a tiny figure of their twin struggling to pull themself up after the gruelling ascend. Their gazes met for the whole three seconds, one hopeful and begging the other uncaring and empty. And in this short while the Hollow Knight felt. For the first time in their short life. Felt the urge to turn back. To come with rescue to their exhausted sibling. But the pale light of the King, their father, was quickly heading out of this accursed place and with a twinge of an unknown feeling they later learned to recognise as guilt (one wishes to not have done something one has done..), the Pure Vessel turned away and trailed after the Wyrm who soon shut the doors to the Abyss with a bone rattling crash, sealing it forever. The imaginary sound of their twin's shell shattering on the ground and the dread-inducing wails of their Shade haunted the Hollow Knight for years to come. This has been one of those instances when the Hollow Knight was glad they have no voice and they couldn't scream in their sleep. They wished they could turn back time. That they returned and helped the struggling child onto the platform, even if it would cost them everything they gained later. It felt… wrong. They left the sibling they shared their egg with, the one who spent the time before their hatching snuggled against the Hollow Knight and embracing them protectively. This one thought stalked them through their entire life. You let them die.

Set me free, Vessel. I will ease this pain. And when I claim what's mine, it shall be my turn to release you and allow you to fade into the darkness you were born from. And then you will reunite with your lost siblings…

A violent shiver was all the answer the Hollow Knight had for Her. No voice to cry suffering. A thinking mind.. A strong will to break.. They swallowed in agitation, still unable to take their eyes off the Goddess.

Do not fight anymore..

Do not think.

Do not speak.

Do not hope..

Do not…

No more.. They were so tired…They can't keep this up. The cold, collected exterior of the legendary Pure Vessel cracks apart. She's too strong… Forgive me, father… With a sigh, the Vessel shuts their eyes as the Radiance pulls them even closer into an embrace and after Wyrm knows how long, they give up. I tried.. I really did... With the tips of her wings, the Radiance cups their cheeks and presses her forehead to their own. In the deep black eyes appear small pinpricks of orange, like pupils, slowly expanding to replace shadow with light. Sometimes trying is not good enough... They could imagine their father's voice saying that.. and he'd be right. As always... The pain that was tearing them to pieces from the inside for ages started to subside, their whole body seemed to be pulsating with heat. Just make it stop…

In the depths of the Black Egg Temple, the limp body of the Sealed Vessel dangles suspended above the ground as it had for many long years ever since the time seemed to come to a stop. No movement, not a sound as they keep their stoic vigil over the Old Light. No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering. The Hollow Knight born of God and Void to take away the blinding light plaguing the dreams of Hallownest. All of this is a one, cruel lie. After countless years of imprisonment and service to the Pale Monarch their willpower spectacularly shatters to pieces. Orange pustules erupt from their torso as the sockets in their mask flare up with the same sickly glow, the voice in their head mingling with their own distorted thoughts.

Kill… Crush Contain him Her.. Destroy Seal away the false king the Old Light.

The searing light behind their eyes is all they see as with a horrid crunch the shell above their right eye socket gives out. A crack forms all the way towards the base of their horn as they draw a disturbingly garbled breath. No longer in control of their own body, they strain against the reinforced shackles strengthened by Seals of Binding like a feral animal to the point when the chains and armor begin to dig into their chitin painfully. Faced with failure, the Hollow Knight wheezes again, tilts their large head back gathering all their strength, feeling the years of suffering pressing onto them. Opens their mouth…

No mind the Pale King Usurper had created. Only strength.

And s c r e a m s.

…

Nothing was ever the same since that terrible, terrible day. The Infection began to spread once again, taking minds of all bugs it touched. The Hollow Knight remained trapped in the Black Vault in chains, a snarling, panting beast thirsting for blood and revenge. But in moments when their own self rears its head through the cloak of orange, even if barely for a glimpse, they are overcome with unimaginable pain forcing them back into submission. Fighting Her felt like having their lungs torn clean out. They beg death to claim them for their failure and their weakness. Hallownest was quickly dying and all they could do was watch as the thriving kingdom was brought to ruin. Because of them. Because they weren't pure like they were intended to. Because they let the Radiance take over.

However, even those short moments of clarity left them when one day an odd sensation rippled through their entire being. Something left them. Something they didn't even know was there until they lost it. A presence, cold and comforting, a stark contrast to the blinding brightness of the Radiance. For a while they weren't sure what it was until a grim realisation eventually dawned on them when they searched for the White Palace only to find... nothing. Only emptiness behind a crumbling gate where it once stood tall and majestic. It was the Pale King. It was his presence they felt. And this presence was suddenly snuffed out like a candlelight. Just like that. The Wyrm was gone. His light faded and left Hallownest and its inhabitants behind. How…? The entire Palace, their home along with all memories vanished.. What happened? Could he be… dead…? The mere thought caused them to halt their struggling breath. Not a single part of their being could come to terms with what just happened once they understood. No... No, it’s impossible, it can’t be true!

No amount of denial would change the reality. The Pale King is gone along with the whole court. Everything around ceased, even the earth itself seemed to pause at the disappearance of the Wyrm. Only the brightness of Her domain was surrounding the Hollow Knight as they stared forward into nothingness in disbelief. Half of their shredded mind was clouded by a spectre of a distant memory. Two figures. One bright as the moon itself, the Pale King in all his glory. The other, much shorter, Void incarnate. A small Vessel with two horns crowning its head. The Hollow Knight cannot hear what the Pale King was saying, it was too long ago and their memory seemed to be failing them as of late. All they did remember from that moment, a day or so after their arrival to the White Palace, was exacly what played out before their eyes. The Wyrm absent mindedly rested his hand on the Vessel’s back as he kept talking. A slight weight seemed to fall in the very same place between shoulder blades of the Hollow Knight but no hand was there to offer comfort. From a very far away, they heard the Pale King’s voice, barely a faint echo.

“Until the end of time, they shall always remember what you’ve done for them. As will I...”

In seconds the vision of their past became undone before them, leaving them alone and at the mercy (or its lack thereof) of the Dream Goddess. Their already fragile heart broke thousand times over, the last shreds of their hope faded away and globules of orange pus rolled down their face instead of inky Void tears dripping onto their armor, tarnished by the passage of time. He said he would remember.. Always...

Father… why…?

When the Radiance told them the Pale King abandoned them, they didn't believe Her. They found it inconceivable. He wouldn't leave them on purpose.. Something horrible must've happened. He… he cared… He-… Rearing back, the Hollow Knight once again cried out in dismay with the borrowed voice of the plague.

Why have you… forsaken me…?

Time has lost its meaning that day. Seconds slipped past the shattered Vessel. Weeks passed without notice and the disease raged across the faded land. How long has it been since the departure of the Pale Monarch…? A month, a year… or maybe a decade? Hard to say. The Hollow Knight spent it in a numb haze, unable to wrestle the control the Radiance had over their body, because they simply.. had no will to do so anymore. All they could do on their own was look around the dark chamber but they had no wish to do so either. Instead, they stared at  a wall with blank eyes. No sense. No hope. No death. No relief.. Only pain and sorrow. Burning wrath of the Dream Goddess. She lied. The Wyrm has disappeared, possibly perished in some tragedy that brought down the entire White Palace.. If he was gone, where was the release She promised? No, it was no longer about the King. She just wanted the end of Hallownest for the sake of vengeance alone.. This was not a motherly longing for lost children. It was a punishment. How could they have been so foolish…?

No longer did the Hollow Knight find strength to resist. It left them with their beloved father. Did he leave because of their failure…? Or was he truly gone? No longer did the Hollow Knight find the will to look out at their old home. They couldn't muster up the courage to gaze upon the land they failed to protect. But perhaps if they had seen what became of the eternal kingdom, their heart would fully break and maybe the sorrow alone would grant them the peace they begged for for so long now. All they could see was the bright, scorching light. Nothing more, nothing less… Why won't She let them go? A dark, not entirely unwelcome thought crept into their head. If only they could reach their nail.. all it would take was a quick stab through the heart. It rested below them where they had left it years ago, now tarnished and covered in dust, just out of reach. Even if they could grab it though, their only arm remained in chains, immobilized.. Was this a punishment for thinking they can match the strength of the Radiance? If so… they very well deserved it. Gurgling up a pathetic sound, the once great Hollow Knight trembled.

Father… I failed you... I'm sorry…

They thought as though this apology would mean anything or be heard by anyone aside from Her. And She didn't care. But they needed to, wanted to say it. If only they could… Maybe he would hear them then and mercifully grant his child their final, desperate wish.

… please, let me die…

--------------------------------------------------

There is the first of two chapters. Hope it's decent, I have NO idea how to portray the Hollow Knight. I'm abysmal XD

I know I said it's gonna be a short fic. People who have been following me for a while probably know me well for being a liar but god DAMN. I got a bit carried away and the other chapter isn't going to be shorter :O

[hardtchill]

Disclaimer: Really long random post. Ignore me if you’re not in the mood for my boring nightly thoughts!

I understand the frustration about Fishel and Salmon not getting called up but I can kinda see why he hasn’t done it. If these players were to get called up, what would be the point when he has already locked in on his front line? Sophia and Mal are his starting locks. Cat is a starting lock even though she’s injured right now and Alex will be her back up on the bench. He’s already said that Pinoe isn’t going anywhere. That leaves only 2 spots left. He could replace Hatch, Trinity or Purce with them but then they’d just end up on the bench anyways since he definitely wouldn’t play them over his main front line.

My other thing with this is that I feel like the national team isn’t exactly lacking in players who can score goals. We already have a plethora of that. It just feels like, this year in particular, people are putting so much emphasis and importance on players who can score. I remember hearing Jeff talking about this a few months ago. He said the reason there’s such a spotlight on the players who score is because there’s a major lack of dangerous players who can do other things. So there’s not much else to talk about except the ones who are scoring. I think we had a conversation about this the other day too. We talked about how just because someone is a great goal scorer, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great footballer. I always think of players like Alex, Mal and Hatch because what else do players like this bring to the table other than scoring? In my opinion the only actual dangerous players on the team right now are Sophia and Pinoe (and Cat when she returns). Sophia is so dangerous no matter where she is on the field and Pinoe is so intelligent when it comes to setting up and executing plays. Everyone else just kicks at the net any chance they get. Of course that’s important but should our entire forward line consist of that type of player only? There’s no particular player who is great with playmaking, there’s no particular player who can beat someone’s ass on a 1v1, there’s no particular player who is good at opening up spaces in impossible areas. Things like that are what we should be looking for when calling someone in or we should at least be developing those skills in our current players. I also understand that that’s totally unfair to players like Fishel and Salmon so it sucks either way. I just wish we had more players like Pinoe who have more than one talent. She can do the set pieces, the pk’s, she can score a banger in ridiculously hard areas etc. She just always comes up with something really clutch and she tends to do it in very difficult moments when we’re down and really need her. Ughhh idk. It just feels like we’re severely lacking in intelligent, multi-talented players like Pinoe. Idk what do u think? Sorry this was so long 💀

I think it's pretty simple, if you set your roster a year before the world cup you're a complete and utter idiot who shouldn't be coaching any team, let alone the national team.

We don't even know if Cat will make it back in time, it's very possible Pinoe will get injured again or that any of his 'starters' just hit a wall and won't be performing well enough. Locking a roster so far in advance and not calling up new players because of it means you have no back ups if someone gets injured or needs to be replaced. By doing that Vlatko would be giving up the one advantage he still has over European teams, the massive pool of players the US has.

Pinoe learned to develop her talents and learned to smart, she wasn't born that way. Players need to be trained to be smart and right now i see very little training in that area happening. The reason why people put so much emphasis on scoring is because you can't win games without scoring. Right now the US is not scoring like they should be. They may have the players capable of scoring but they aren't actually doing it. It said it all that they needed a wrong PK call to beat Canada.

[skin-slave]

Personal weight loss stuff and ed mention under cut.

I am completely against diet culture and that shit, and I have osfed, so I don't want anyone to think I'm slipping or anything. No mentally/emotionally unhealthy business. I promise.

I gained a lot when I got hurt. I've felt ways about it. Hard not to activate the ed. But I've purposefully focused on how I feel, not what I weigh. That is hard af. But I did feel kinda bad physically. Atrophied and tired and digestive issues.

At some point this yr, idk when, I quit having snacks during the day, and I felt better. I kept doing my little bit of time on my stationary bike, focusing on ankle mobility and getting my muscles built up to normal again, and I felt better. Recently I cut soda for water while I'm at home just living, and it sucked ass, but now it's ok, and I feel better.

Put on a pair of pants - not my "fat pants" that don't stay up anymore, a regular pair straight from the dryer - and noticed a 2-3" gap. So I went in and got the scale out, out of curiosity.

Y'all, I have lost 23 lbs since January. That's a 1-yr-old child. More than a 12-pk of soda. About 5 Chihuahuas.* That's insane. I haven't done anything. Just what's making me feel less shitty on an avg day.

I know that my weight isn't a value. It isn't a measure of my health (which, in turn, also isn't a value). I am also having feelings about this. I don't want my body to be tiny. It won't do it without me doing harmful things. But it does feel like an accomplishment. Like a measurable sign that I've done changes. And my body might be going to whatever shape/size it prefers to be at. And I might feel my best just by letting my body recover from what I put it thru. If that makes sense. So I can be more comfortable and functional, to the best of my body's ability.

Idek what exactly I'm saying except that I totally cried on the scale in the opposite way I used to. And I don't wanna see it as a victory, bc that's too close to unhealthy thoughts for me, but it's something.

*I am USAmerican. We will do anything to keep from using the metric system.

[a-freaking-diary]

25 sep 2021

Sexual fluidity, conditional relationships and gender identity

Just gonna put this for myself

Genetic research doesn't have a very strong support that sexual orientation is present when the child is born. When a child is born it's neither straight, gay or lesbian. Majority love the touch of human WHEN done with consent (which is another broad topic). Everyone is pan or bi but they are on a spectrum and that sexual preference is created in early stages of a person and also based on hormones as well and many other things and further research needs to be done.

Also there was this psychologystudy done in which brain activation was observed between same gender and opposite gender romantic partners and the conclusion was that, the same brain parts were activated as for the opposite genders so this shows that these people love each other and aren't lieing or anything else.

But then soemone would say this is against nature waghera waghers which is complete bullshit. I dont really know the evolutionary explanation for sex but I think it goes like human are genetically coded to spread their seed everywhere because survival is innate in us. This idea that birth is a must. This idea that sex is pleasurable because it is genetically coded in us to give birth and spread or dna. I mean so what if it is. Genes aren't brain, they dont think, soem express themselves soem dotn. Sex is pleasurable. Not alot of People want to have sex because they want to have children but because it is pleasurable. And also sex is alot more than penis and vagina coercion. That's a very limited view of what sex is. That's why contraceptives exist. Some people find sex pleasurable with people of same gender or opposite wavhera waghera. I mean people are freaking stupid. Also they aren't hurting anyone, they are living their lives with someone just like opposite gender cpuples and aren't causing any harm. They are just literally existing like anyone else and just simply living their lives. Being straight is a social conditioning. Idk the Islamic viewpoint of it is and I don't care. I am not a Muslim and it doesn't concern me. However, I do know that Islam is a not a monolith, it has its own multiple interpretations and ideas which is evident by the multiple groups present within the community; the main one being Shia and sunni. Thus I know and have met people that are Muslims and lesbians or gays with their own interpretation of the texts and hadith. Soo that is sowmthing as well. But the religion argument does not apply to me because I am not a Muslim and any argument created based on religion doesn't hold any value to me. Sorry not sorry ig

Heteronormativity is just a social construct created (for ig survival but we are no longer in that position anymore, we actually have overpopulation and which is the cause of poverty and stuff) and practiced for so many years by the strict Christianity values which through colonialism effected southasian (pk) countries as well. As they brought in conservative ass victorian rules here.

No society is perfect. Cultures and societies are forevermore evolving. The norms change. All the good and bad norms which in itself are subjective.

Sexuality is fluid. It changes alot more for females than guys interestingly enough. If Bring honest everyone is bi or pan. All of us are on a spectrum.

I would say ke labeling ki waja se apne ap ko insaan poore tareeke se explore nahi kar sakta. Apna human experience limit karne ki koshish kiyo kar rahe ho. Labels ko chodo aur bas logo ko deko or try maro. Ha wo alag bat hai ke becareful kiyo ke yaha par log samaj te nahi hai. Jo be karna hai wo ik mehfooz jaga aur insaan ke sath karo. Don't be in a hurry. Experience ko poora absorb karo aur analyse karo insaan aur setting ko.

Aur ooper se colonialist ke lafz istemal kar ke yaha par log cheezo ko aur be demonise karte hai e.g gay ya orgy. Ajeeb log ajeeb duniya.

Seeing homosexuality as a demonising thing is just soo stupid. Ut's just really messed up the sort of perception people here specifically have towards sex. It's such a sex negative society and yet everything is about sex. If a girl wears jeans to uni, it's about sex, if two opposite genders are talking it's about sex etc etc. It makes the people in convo also weird and awkward. There are such high rates of rape and etc etc and yet there is no talk about it. Our mind as people of this society need to to desensitise ourselves with these concepts about sexuality, sex, penis, vagina, mastirbation, casual sex, consent, sexual needs and waghera waghera. So much shame is attached to it. And this concept of khandan ki izat ghar ki ladki ke sath hai is so fucked up.

Marital rape is so mornalixaed that people dont report it to police bcuz its not rape its just between the man and the woman. Fucking jahaliat.

Also gender is performative. It doesn't exist actually and it is forever evolving. Don't mix private part (sex, chromosomes) with gender expression.

If you go by that logic na they, she, he pronouns fotn really matter. Like people call you by a specific pronoun based on how you look not what you have in your pants.

I mean people can call me whatever they want. By any pronoun. It doesn't matter to me because gender expressions are different in many places around the world and is mostly for people who speak English and for people living in English speaking countries.

It depends on you what criterias you have set for yourself in terms of what makes you a woman.

Clothes, speaking, behaviour; all of these thigns are performative which evolve with time. What make syou a full woman depends on the criteria you have set for what being a complete woman is. If it is sex organ as well ok then go ahead. But you will never be able to change your chromosomes. Gender is a performance amd nothing else (it does serve a societal structure which in alot of societies around the world is heteronirmative and patriaechal (which initself has alot of problems). The provate parts and sex organs are seperate from gender but people in alot of society and mostly in western nation and ig post colonial societies e.g here assume that they are bio-essential and it is NOT.

Khawaja sira as far as I have learned is more inclusive, it doesn't take wheather your intersex or waghera (I am not sure I will do my reader h a bit more later).

These ambiguous and queer people have existed for more than 4000 years. And such groups have existed in different societies around the world for millennium in a similar version.

These words such as queer and transgender whghera have been coined only in last century whilst they were already given names in different societies multitude years before. Waghera waghera.

Written info sourced from muhammad moiz orf ms pudina chutney orf achi insaan

[fossadeileonixv]

Milan 0 Sassuolo 0

Well that was...something

Was going to dive into something but it was getting too long TBH (yes, even I can think so!). With that in mind, here are the ratings and there will be a follow-up post about some larger themes.

MAIGNAN 10 MOTM Easy decision. Magic Mike was the only reason Milan walked out of there with a point today. Not exactly known for his PK prowess (although not known as terrible either), read Berardi's run up to the ball perfect and basically had the whole left side of goal (his right) completely covered, didn't matter where Berardi hit it except maybe the most top left/bottom left corner and only then probably would've needed a lucky bounce

FLORENZI 6.2 Not bad but not great, so while a 6 felt too harsh, a 6.5 felt too generous. So a 6.2 it is. Wasn't his usual self going forward, which is where he differentiated himself from Calabria last season. Biggest takeaway is that he appeared to have torn his hammy, which can linger, so I'm guessing we won't see him until mid October

KJÆR 6.5 First action, first start of the year and played well when not in transition, which wasn't very often in that first half. He looked...slow, which probably had many contributing factors: a year older, recovering from a blown out knee, and we've been used to Kalulu in there. Going to need to play him in the right situations moving forward

TOMORI 7 Was the speed guy of the CB tandem with Kalulu out and was exhausting his FIFA sprint bar for most of the match. Basically ran his ass off chasing Sassuolo's attack and did well pretty much all game. Glad he was out there

THEO 6.8 A little similar to Florenzi in that a 6.5 felt too harsh but a 7 felt a bit too high. I peeked at some of the other sites, like FotMob and Whoscored, and one was harsh and one was pretty generous, so I feel good with this rating. As to what he did and didn't do. Umm, now 4 games in and he has a PK because he's now the PK taker, so offensively he's been...kind offensive?

BENNACER 6.5 Solid but with him starting the first 3 games and Tonali just the last 2, why did he start but Tonali didn't if rest and fatigue-control were the goals (I'm assuming)? Either way, average game from Bennacer as I felt he had way too many lazy touches and got bailed out by a fortuitous bounce or two near or in Milan's 18yd box. Probably worst game to date this season

POBEGA 6.5 Thought he had a decent first start. Was much more forward than I thought he would be and had more touch than I thought he had. So...cool? I still would've preferred him sitting deeper and using his size to muscle-up Sassuolo's attack

SAELEMAEKERS 6 So, the sh*tty RW dance continues from last season: Messias gets a couple of starts and everyone is like, just-play-Saelemaekers-already. But then Saelemaekers starts and then even is like, just-play-Messias-already. Then we're like, oh yeah. Maybe time for CDK out here?...

DÍAZ 6.5 Nothing special. Had some nice give-and-goes and some meh moments. Worked hard and was a Giroud or Leão stepping-in-front-of-the-ball-on-a-pass-away from maybe having a decent attempt on goal

LEÃO 6.5 Worst game of the season from the MVP. He'll be fine AND I don't think his poor performance was his own doing but that is part of a larger discussion

GIROUD 6 After a sublime effort vs Bologna, and returning to where he and Leão single-handedly destroyed Sassuolo to claim the Scudetto last season, this was...not...very...good

subs

TONALI 6.5 Was fine. No issues but also wasn't much of a change in terms of impact as Pobega. Probably should've started over Bennacer if the goal was to rest players

CDK 6.5 Same as Tonali. Came in and was...more of the same? Didn't impact the game and much to some people's surprise, came in for Brahim and...didn't do anything directionally different. It's almost like the CAM wasn't the issue in this game...

MESSISA 6.5 So, the sh*tty RW dance continues from last season: Messias gets a couple of starts and everyone is like, just-play-Saelemaekers-already. But then Saelemaekers starts and then even is like, just-play-Messias-already. Then we're like, oh yeah. Maybe time for CDK out here?...(yes, this is the exact same thing I put down for Saelemaekers and no it wasn't a mistake...)

ADLI 6 Not much to write about because he didn't do much. Is very much starting to look like a year-long learning curve might be on the docket since the game seems to fast for him at the moment

KALULU 7 Came in and immediately helped Milan better execute the VERY high-press they have preferred since the start of 2022. Not too surprising. I love Kjaer and he has a place in this squad and a role to be had, but plug-and-play with Kalulu is not it

coaching

PIOLI 5 Much like the Atalanta game, he got it all wrong. And, much like the Atalanta game, it ended in a draw. I will dive into this later this week with a post I'm writing about what I'm seeing from Pioli but I hope it furthers the discussion, including for me too since I don't have all the answers nor do I know what Pioli is thinking. But hopefully you'll join me and not-knowing and speculating together

THOUGHTS

I don't have much to say outside of what I mentioned above and will save any larger-scale thoughts for the next post. What I would like to say is, what did you guys think? I have an opinion I'm forming but welcome your thoughts and takeaways, especially as I write my piece in the background.

But, BUT, just to be clear...#IPIT! (and #IMIT thrown in just for safe measure)

Forza Milan

[nonuggetshere]

OKAY TO BE COMPLETELY FAIR I NEVER MENTIONED IT BEFORE

The gist of it is after the sealing Radiance convinces Hollow to join her side and take revenge on those who hurt them. They break out and storm the White Palace, completely kick their father's ass and almost kill him. Pale King can't bring himself to actually hurt them either so he spends the fight dodging their attacks and trying to disarm them.

This is also a gijinka AU so they're wearing a mask, and sometime during the fight, it falls off and shatters on the floor thanks to a good hit from their father. But when he can see their face he realises they aren't infected and that makes him pause in shock. Radiance isn't attacking him, his child is. They take that opportunity to stab the fucker and win the fight.

PK, WL and the five great knights get exiled. Lurien gets stripped of his Watcher title and reduced to a common bug, Monomon gets to reluctantly stay as an archivist but they keep an eye on her. Hollow is basically very bitter and treats people loyal to their father very harshly, especially the people who were involved with the sealing and vessel plan.

They don't exactly trust Radiance but right now when everybody's horrified at what they did and don't trust them in the slightest, she's the closest ally they have and they're gonna need her support.

Of course, because she had pissed off from the dream realm and made a deal with Hollow that grants her her old territory back, the infection subsides for good. So while the citizens are probably shocked about this new development and distrustful of their new ruler, they were introduced to them as the saviour of Hallownest by PK and the plague is gone sooo...maybe that new guy isn't that bad after all.

Hollow spends a considerable amount of time patching up the strained political relations between Hallownest and other tribes and finding people they can trust, as understandably any allies that the kingdom had pulled back after that violent takeover.

I kinda wanna elaborate on some of my AUs but I have no idea where the fuck to even start KDBDJDHD

I might. Draw something for them later