#I don't really go online anymore thought I'd write this for activity

[dagdasgoddess]

x

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[inappropriate-aunt]

Sorry I haven't been as active on this blog, friends. I disappeared into my side blog, then I disappeared into my sadness for a while.

I'm doing better. As soon as I got a little break from work, a little bit more stable financial footing, a little bit of time to rest, I felt like myself again, and I realize now just how bad a shape I really was in.

Exhaustion and despair are a potent poison. I'm grateful my friends spoon fed me antidote to keep me alive. I felt like a fool for feeling so low when my troubles are so small compared to the suffering of the world- like a child screaming over a minor cut. I was ashamed to tell them, but I did anyway, because what does shame even mean when you don't feel like a person anymore? When your whole self is such a distant memory, and you remember smiling and laughing, but you think, that can't be me, I must have been faking.

It helps to have gathered people you around who understand. Who can remind you that you did, in fact, feel okay once, and you will again. They were right. I remind myself of that every time.

I stopped smoking weed. It wasn't bringing joy anymore. Just numbing the depression. I'm going to try to keep it to a social activity for now. I'm almost up to a two week streak.

I still need to get an adhd diagnosis. I keep delaying picking a doctor and calling to schedule an appointment. I'm just having a hard time getting myself to do the first step. I called one doctor (a month ago? Maybe two?) but he said he charges out of pocket costs in addition to insurance so, I need to pick a different one.

I just got my IUD replaced though so that's good. That's another medical thing I was putting off , but this time only like five months which is an improvement, and now it's done! I can forget about it for seven years as long as I remember to schedule annual gyno exams. No periods for another seven yearssss. I love it so much.

Damn I gotta get my car inspected too. The tasks keep coming ha. But that's life. And there's still food and friends and music.

Oh yeah I got new music to practice so that's coming along. A Bach and a cute modern piece meant to sound like witches riding on a broomstick. I think my sightreading is getting better too. It's nice to fall in love with music again after leaving the performance world. The joy is back now that the pressure is gone, and that's nice.

That's also enough public journalling for one day. Could I write this in a private journal? Yes. Will I ever sit down with my journal and write? Mmm, unlikely. I'd rather lay on the floor, sending thoughts out to strangers online. That's MY journalling. And it means, maybe, that someone will read it and feel a little less alone. I hope, at least.

Now back to my horny blog.

[hiddencarpet]

1k follows!! Thank you everyone for staying here with me!❤️

I'm going to post an art raffle in upcoming days. ^^

I'd like to say something tho, as a word of advice for beginning online artists. This is going to sound pessimistic, but honestly i think more people should be mentioning it, even if someone could've thought that i should keep this post happy go lucky. If you aren't interested then please just scroll further on.

I have this blog since 2017, it's been over 6 years.

There always have been a lot of "how to get over 1k follows in a year" tips online. Even prior Tiktok there were lot of them popularity chasing tips. I'm not interested in having Tiktok or doing videos rn but it's not the point here.

I have been posting my art every 4-12 days with some breaks for about 3 years, (which i wouldn't be able to do without me developing a specific style, queueing posts and keeping artworks for months to myself to do finishing touches, and ofc having enough time for it). I Regularly posted art, even lot of fanart for some more popular fandoms. It did Not take 1 year, but 6, and i don't even know how many of my followers are still active.

Thing is, these popularity tips might help but don't have to. And in most cases they won't lead you to have 1k follows in a single year, but instead might lead you to a burnout, frustation, or injury if you aren't careful.

I'm into a theory that to get popular online most artists or youtubers needs around 10 years, often with lot of work. Sometimes 20. And sometimes popularity just never happens. People who get popular quickly are a minority. Maybe 1 of 50 gets there fast, maybe 1 in 100. A lot depends on luck, (sometimes regardless idea, topic or skill, though obviously those can help a lot. I wouldn't have 1k follows now if i hadn't helped my luck after all :). Sometimes people gain popularity by deeply involving themself with a community, or even get popular by writing silly and serious posts, though it also Has issues. After all the more you write the more likeliness you finally write something stupid and someone might even remember it to haunt you. Things you need extra energy, personality, or behavioral instincts for when you might not really have it.

And it's not like starting at an earlier age might always help you. I've been posting my art online even as a minor though it's not really there anymore. And i'm actually glad it never kicked off. The amount of stories on artist teenagers getting into awful situations or causing awful situations to themself because of their popularity and young age still quite haunts me. Sometimes kids are lucky and that's good for them! Personally I know i wouldn't be that lucky tho.

I guess i just want to say that, as someone who grew up a lot with popular online people saying "you too can be popular and earn money online with a little of work!", that sometimes it's best to just chill, have fun, do things without worry in your own pace and maybe look up other choices for your career rather than those related to your online presence. Especially when it's been getting worse each year and social media + AI issues will always be a little unsure, and hell knows what else might happen.

I wish i could say that things are going to go quick for me from now on, but i know it's not that likely. They might go faster but ehh, I'll just do what i'll do. It's been over 6 years. A hell of a journey :)

Meanwhile i'm glad to be there and happy and i Thank you all for your presence!!

[itsbinghebitch]

I was trying not to get involved in everything going on right now but after reading your last post I just felt I had to say something. Firstly you seem like a really mature and thoughtful person which is such a breath of fresh air in online spaces in general. The way you're handling the situation is really admirable and your words really resonated with me. I'm relatively new to this fandom (I watched KPTS after the shitshow in January) and, after learning what happened, I've done my best to keep my distance from the cast and BOC and just focus on the story and characters. Based on what I'd read about the case I was willing to give Build the benefit of the doubt but the recent leaked messages make that nearly impossible which is also preventing me from enjoying the series which I've come to love. What makes it worse is that I'm an artist who loves VegasPete and, just like you, every time I try to make art with them, I keep thinking about all the awful comments Build made about Bible and it feels plain wrong to draw them together. Even for someone like me who's not emotionally attached to the actors it's really hard to separate them from the characters and it's making my fandom experience pretty miserable. I have very complicated feelings about the whole ordeal - on one hand as a queer person like you I'm tired of people's homophobia and bigotry being swept under the rug, but on the other hand I've seen first hand what an abusive relationship can do to a person so I can't help but feel some compassion for him too. I truly hope he can reflect on his mistakes and heal and grow as a person. Maybe I'm just too old for celebrity culture and drama but I do feel the need to be able to discuss issues like this one in a calm and level headed manner instead of falling victim to black and white thinking and turning things into a witch hunt. Sorry for the rant and feel free to ignore this message, your post just really resonated with me and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the matter. I hope you have a lovely day/night ❤️

thank u sm for this message.... i really appreciate you taking the time to write about your experience and i'm glad you felt like you could share ❤️

there isn't a clear-cut answer to the whole debacle. whoever tries to sell you one is a scammer or is speaking out of an emotionally clouded place (as i was last week lol).

taking a look back at everything, i think it's important to acknowledge:

1. multiple things can be true at once: you can feel hurt by build's comments and still feel sympathy for his predicament.

2. you should be able to discuss these things without feeling like you'll get, idk. fandom black points. or get blocked by everyone who thinks differently than you (which happened to me), or even hounded and hacked by people to the point of getting your blog shut down (which happened to blramblings).

3. it's really fucking hard to be a fandom creator in these circumstances. i'm really sorry to hear your art has been impacted. especially in the case of vegaspete, i tend to believe there was an "aura" inextricably linking biblebuild as actors to who they were representing on screen. no one but biblebuild could've been vegaspete for me. it was their contrasting facial features, it was in their on-screen rapport and chemistry for me. their choices in portraying the characters, the behind-the-scene interviews... that aura mesmerized me for an entire year literally. and it's not only fine to admit that the situation complicates your fandom art, it should be an *active conversation* we have as fandom creators. because let me tell you, i don't write fic on top of my insane job out of the goodness of my heart. it's because of that spark of joy i feel, that stepping out of the regular day to day. the moment that joy isn't there anymore, it becomes labor. and let me tell you one thing i DON'T do. it's FREE LABOR corporations fuck me on the daily already so why would i let them do it as a hobby too

so yeah thanks so much for sharing your thoughts <3 i rly rly appreciate it and sending you lots of good vibes. who knows what the future holds in store for us etc. etc. but we out here!!!

[the--highlanders]

choose violence ask game (loving the name of that btw) - 8, 16, & 23?

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

(this fandom is so small that I don't want to sound like I'm vagueblogging or @-ing someone or anything so I'm just gonna preface this by saying this also goes for plenty of licensed media)

oh man ok. at risk of sounding like a total killjoy who takes everything too seriously & looks too much into stuff. I'm pretty sensitive about. primitivism in the way jamie gets portrayed?? is the best way I can think to describe it?? anything that implies that where & when he comes from means that he's inherently less intelligent, or equates his lack of knowledge on some things with him being stupid. can't stand him being reduced to dumb guy who hits stuff. idiot who has no critical thinking skills or reasoning.

and like, I get that it's a fairly common assumption, the idea that people from the past weren't as smart because they didn't know as much (even setting aside the devaluing of /different/ ways of knowing & understanding) - but, say, victoria never gets this treatment. despite also being from the past. which then leads you to think, hey, why would people make that assumption about jamie and not about victoria?

and then you get to a bunch of ideas which have been kicking around since. before jamie's time, real-world-historically speaking. which depict the highlands as savage, as populated by 'wild' people, by - well - 'primitives'. speakers of a primitive language. violent, at worst, strong, at best, but never intelligent. & this is all starting to sound a lot like the ideas that buttress colonialism and biological determinism, isn't it?

idk. this is a silly 60s family tv show & a very very small online fandom. it's kind of not that deep. but any time jamie gets written off as being inherently stupid (often /because/ of where he comes from), and any time that idea is the foundation of a joke, it rubs me the wrong way, and this is why.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

gfdhkjsg once again this is a v small fandom so 'so many people' is kinda like..... 2 people max probably. & also I've been sort of keeping more or less to myself for a couple years now in terms of actually discussing thoughts & headcanons (except you obviously and also @ettelwenailinon who is always right about everything despite not being super active in dr who fandom on tumblr anymore <3)

gonna go with shipping jamie and victoria tbh. absolutely no hate if you do bc I can definitely see where it comes from in canon/behind the scenes stuff but it is just,,, not for me at all, and so antithecal to how I write/interpret their characters.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

tenrose?? weirdly?? not that I'd say I actively ship it (there is one (1) tenrose fic in my ao3 bookmarks but it's really there bc it's a pretty charming magical realism au and the voices of all the characters are just so spot on rather than bc I ever crave reading about the ship) but. when I got into dr who in 2013 there felt like there was a pretty solid line between rtd fans and moffat fans. & I have always vibed with moffat's era more (neither of them are above criticism obviously, the scifi fairytale aesthetic/tone of moffat's era is just so so so so tailor-made for me personally).

and for some reason tenrose and elevenriver were kind of. bundled into that opposition?? not sure if that was just in my head or something other people noticed/experienced but I felt like if you were a moffat fan you had to ship elevenriver & if you were an rtd fan you had to ship tenrose, and they were like. rivals. (yes I did try very half-heartedly to enjoy elevenriver. no I never succeeded). so I always had this thing of like, I don't like ten, I don't like tenrose.

like I said I still don't actively ship it, I don't get any warm fuzzy feelings from their relationship, but I did go back into rtd's era looking to actively enjoy stuff (after being tired of really not enjoying uh. recent seasons ajhksglf) and found that I didn't hate the concept of tenrose as much as I used to. I genuinely believed they liked each other, I felt the hubris of their relationship worked and built well narratively. never thought that ship would get a redemption arc in my head but I've definitely gained more appreciation for its role in the narrative.

[importeduniverse]

2/3/24, 11:56PM

At 11:00PM I feel irrationally upset. The day has felt useless and everything I do doesn't feel exactly right, I've hopped from task to task all day. I feel frustrated enough to want to be drunk, to just make a choice. I bring a hard lemonade, a bottle of water, and a cup of orange soda mixed with vodka to my room. The plan is to drink the hard lemonade first, then the vodka mix, I'd given it ice to preserve itself.

I decide to search online for journaling sites. Not apps, a laptop is the middle ground between a physical journal (I write too slowly) and a phone (it feels too artificial). I need an out at the moment, and I have no one to talk to. I try to make a new account with an old email. I'm told to reset the password and I do. The account is very, very old. I follow three accounts, one of them someone very important to me. I unfollow two. I go through custom themes, clueless about how the site and HTML work, but I do my best. I wasn't the one who got into Tumblr when we were kids. She's still active on a new account, so just to be safe I block her on the one I was following.

I shoddily customize my theme and am finally enabled to write. I realize that I have hardly touched my first drink at all. I take a few good swigs and remember the google search result for "how long for alcohol to take affect". Half an hour, so I'll keep sipping until I can feel something and start my second drink.

My mood is spoiled in a different way now thinking about her. I feel my mind relaxing, alcohol truly cheers me up, but now she is a thought. The descriptions of both of our practically ancient accounts mention death jokingly. We were 14 and obsessed with it. Her new account has reblogged a "I didn't think I would've lived this long" meme, and I know that it's true because she used to tell me about her thoughts. We're 21 now. When I expressed guilt, my therapist told me that I saved her life. That she really wouldn't have made it this far if I hadn't done what I did. I don't feel like anyone's hero. I see the same therapist again this Wednesday at 2:00.

I finish my first drink before writing this sentence. I don't have a single person to talk to. I'll go cry over the same person I always do whenever I'm drunk, the first person I ever got drunk in front of. Who made me feel comfortable, who I can't talk to anymore. Every time, without fail, I wish I could go back in time for his company. I only ever drink alone.

[commodorecliche]

19, 29, 35

going for the tough ones, i see. i love it.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

You know, I don't particularly know where my foray into writing first began, it's just hard to pinpoint a moment because I've been making up my own stories for as long as I can remember being able to write. And even before then. Growing up, I always had an active imagination and I daydreamed a lot and would even keep myself up at night making up little stories and worlds about toys I owned or shows I'd seen or people I knew. But I'd say that I seriously got more into writing as a craft with the help of online communities. Now, this was back in the early aughts, so I was mostly involved with online forums and the likes, but I remember being so enthralled and impressed by the fics some of these folks could craft, and I remember thinking to myself that I was going to write and keep on writing until I was as good as they were, or better. I don't know if I am or not, I'm probably not, but I'm still really loving being on this journey to improve. Right now I mostly just write fanfic, like a lot of us, but I also am trying to dip my toe into original works, and I'm primarily working on queer horror stories. I feel like the queer community is so poorly represented in the horror genre (or simply isn't represented at all) and I want to be one of the authors that changes that. Hopefully, at least.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

i... this is actually a very tough question because i've honestly never really thought about it. stuff just kind of... pops into and out of my head at random. but if i'm looking for horror inspiration, i often will try to pay attention to the little things that startle or spook me day-to-day (things like getting startled by your jacket's shadow that looks like a man in the corner of the room, that sort of thing, something that seemed abnormal but had a normal explanation to them), then taking those to their logical extremes (what if it WASN'T a jacket in the corner of the bedroom? what if it was a person? or worse, what if it was something imitating a person, trying to appear person-shaped, standing in the corner of your room), and work from there. And.... when the inspiration well runs dry, I simply wait for it to return... Inspiration and productivity come in seasons and waves. It's okay to not feel inspired all the time. Don't try to force its return, just wait and trust that, like the tide, the inspiration will return to your well.

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

UGH, definitely the "don't start sentences with a conjunction" rule. now, I dunno if this is still considered a hard and fast rule anymore, but it was when I was in school and it was HAMMERED into my head: you don't start sentences with conjunctions, ever. period. BUT GUESS WHAT! I LOVE STARTING SENTENCES WITH CONJUNCTIONS, SO IMMA DO IT, GODDAMNIT.

send me a fic ask?

[the-writers-bookshelf]

I don't know anyone irl that I can talk to about my writing. nobody to cheer me on or get excited about my stories and characters the way I have done about my friends writing in the past (we no longer keep in touch or they don't write anymore). it's really hard to keep going because if I talk about my writing I just get ignored. sometimes I feel like I'm immature and everyone has gone on to be serious adults

Hi lovely anon! I'm so sorry to hear you're in a rough patch right now. But there are SO MANY communities online that you can be a part of where you can talk about your writing all you want with other writers! ♥

So, there are a couple things that stood out in your message that I'd like to address if you don't mind :)

1. Writing is not immature.

Storytelling has always been, and always will be, an active part of humanity. From the earliest cave paintings discovered, people have told stories to make sense of the world, to share their history/culture/religion, to record their lives, or for escapism.

Look at every movie and tv show you've watched, every book you've read. Who do you think writes those stories?

Adults.

Do you think they're immature? Do you think they're childish for telling their stories? Getting published? Getting Netflix deals and creating blockbuster movies?

I don't know about you but I certainly don't think they're immature!

This kind of thinking is a script you've been fed. Don't keep jamming it down your own throat.

If you want to write, keep writing. If someone considers you immature because of it, OH WELL. You're too busy writing to care.

It takes actively pushing back against these thoughts to overcome them. And every writer has something like this that they wrestle with.

This list of 50 published authors who were rejected and/or told point blank to not write is just the tip of the iceberg.

No matter what you do with your life, there will ALWAYS be someone putting you down because of it. If you enjoy writing, DO IT.

And stop repeating the negative things that people have told you. Remind yourself why you enjoy writing. Remind yourself of the positive things people have told you about your writing. Actively create an environment of positivity for yourself!

2. Lack of support won't stop you

I know this is hard. Really, really hard. But nothing - and I mean NOTHING - in this life is easy. If you want to write, you'll damn well do it whether you have a support group or not. Because it burns in your blood. It makes you restless if you don't write.

At some point, there may come a time when you are the only person who believes in your story. Because you told it. Because it's your creative vision. Because it's your voice.

And it's important to learn how to keep going, even when it's just you.

I read recently (I wish I had bookmarked the article because I can't find it now, darn it!) where author Dean Koontz had an agent that told him he shouldn't aspire to be a best-selling author. His books weren't that good.

His AGENT told him that! The person who was supposed to support and represent his works!!

He left that agent, got another agent, and became a best-selling author.

At some point, you have to grab your writing by the horns and growl at anyone who says, "You can't" because YOU CAN and YOU WILL.

3. Go where you thrive.

If you don't have friends IRL or family who listen to your writing, that's not your audience. Plain and simple.

It's not easy to come to terms with, but sometimes friends and family are NOT the ones who will be supportive. They may even be a stumbling block for some of us.

If your friends and family aren't getting your writing, go to the people who DO get your writing.

Check out the writing community here on tumblr.

Check out writing discords.

Check out a local writing group.

Check out writing groups on Facebook.

The internet offers the ENTIRE WORLD of resources at your fingertips. With a little elbow grease and determination, you can carve out a place in this world that fits for you.

***

I hope some of this helps, lovely! Keep on truckin' and don't give up! ♥

[xnchxntmxnt]

Welcome to the party!

I hope you're ready for a fun time! I'm very happy everyone could make it and you all look great. More on the party later, I have a few words to say first.

I started this blog a year ago today after having barely any idea what the hell I was doing. All I knew is my wonderful friend Poe got me into a new anime and I'd absolutely fallen in love with it. I'd had a love of writing since I was ten, and I thought it was time to put that talent to use.

Words cannot describe how happy I am to still be active. I may not be as active as I once was, and I cannot update once a week like I used to, but I still appreciate all the support I get nonetheless.

Since then I've made so many friends, met so many people, got into new things and done things I never thought I would. I could talk for hours about all the friends I have because I love them all, but I'll try to keep these short so we can get to the more fun part...

@emswordss you were my first mutual and we still talk almost every day and that makes me so, so happy. you're so incredible and i'm happy i could be part of the journey you're on and help you with the crazy shit that is teenage years.

@domestic-void/@nekomas-kuroo my second mutual ever! i am so glad you let me write that lev fic its still the longest fic i've ever written for this (besides that one selfship thing but we aren't counting that)

@shoyotime/@miyamours my first wife <33 we havent talked in a while but i remember how much we did especially when i was first starting out. thanks for all the confidence boosts and all the weird conversations <3

@shirari we havent talked in so long !!! how are you? i don't know if you're really active anymore but i feel badcwe kinds lost touch

@ellesmain/@ellewords I MISS YOUUU ik finals suck i do but i miss seeing you on my dash!!! need my big sister once in a while yk <3 i hope finals are going well and that you're doing ok too! mayeb by the time you're back I'll have another taylor swift cover for you

@maizumis i havent seen you online in forever either !! we gotta talk soon!

@possiblypoe THE OG!!! this brilliant person got me into haikyuu it's her fault you all have to deal with me. poe you are so so so so so incredible and i KNOW how long you've been waiting for your matchup so go read and text me/send and ask and tell me your thoughts!!! love you (/p)

@mysterystarz/@nekonovs wife #2!!! thanks for being the crackhead in my discord dms over the summer /j. no but actually i know we dont talk as much as we did over the summer, mostly because we're both busy, but youre so amazing really. thank you for all the late night conversations and the akaashi brainrot

@k-kazvha i think you were my first genshin moot?? also happy late birthday!!! have fun dancing the night away with diluc. i said some of this yesterday on your birthday but i am SO glad we met you're so funny and honestly great to talk to. i ma not always comment on it but your posts make me laugh a lot (usually the shitposts). you're an incredibly talented writer thank you for being amazing

@rqkuya you literally know all my ocs in and out and you're so so so incredible to talk to about them. you always ahve the funniest one-liners and little ideas to add, and no matter how much you yell at me for throwing angst at them, you love me for it anyway. thank you so so much for making me feel like i always have someone to talk to about anything (usually characters, but even serious things) tor.

@merciemer DAD !! high key you're very like an older brother for me and i talk about you deadass all the time. you give me gender envy a LOT (but in a great way) and youre so pretty in like the most gnc way possible. you're absolutely hilarious and i feel my own parent friend instincts kick in once in a while when we talk but its because i care i swear <3

@animated-moon my fellow tendou simp. we really need to sit down and watch howl's moving castle one of these days. i'm still proud of that tendou fic for you i wrote not too long ago (or maybe it was, i have no perception of time) but it was really fun to write and you're just. so much fun to talk to we really need to talk more bc youre a riot in the best way ever

@kage7ama ANGEL THAT INTRODUCED ME TO THAT SONG— ok i still scream sing that and in the back of my head im thankng you for showing it to me i LOVE it thank you. i was so worried when you deactivated but its ok bc i got the new url <33

@kodzukoi ANOTHER ONE WHO HEARS ABOUT MY OCS i am so glad you're as into sk8 as i am (or almost, idk) and know that langa is giving u a forehead kiss rn. as am i (/p). but you're so easy to talk to and constantly reminding me that im not talking too much which i appreciate also you give the best compliments. jun kinnie (affectionate)

@rudolphsboyfriend AAAAA I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO READ UR MATCHUP URS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. but youre so talented like what the hell??? talented voice, talented writer, my irls hear about you all the time jfc i need to shut up about you sometimes. but yeah i just think you're super awesome man

@sunalma i missed you on my dash !!! im glad youre back though even if it's not as much. fun fact: i was SO SCARED to talk to you for so long but the more time went on the more time i got over myself and tried not to hit the send button on inbox asks and throw my phone to the other end of my bed

@miyagem LAST BUT NOT LEAST i think youre my newest mutual??? we talk a decent amount though so i already call u my friend <33 i definitely need to bother you more tho its fun youre great to talk to

that should be everyone its everyone in my notes w an emoji at least. if i forgot you i swear i didn't mean to !!!!

and an extra extra shoutout to all my anons + anyone who just likes to interact, even if through reblogs! ur messages/tags/anything else mean the world to me !! your support is mostly why i keep doing this and i wouldn't have hit 1 year if not for you.

nOW THAT THE SAPPY STUFF IS OVER BACK TO ME WRITING PROFESSIONALLY

quick preface: when in doubt assume everyone is 22. i don't care how that affects the plot of the original story your character is from, everyone is 22 so we can all drink champagne (if you choose). carry on

The night opens in a giant, golden, open ballroom, perfectly set white tables taking up a decent amount of room. Other tables line the walls, all covered in food (all with various coverings on it so it doesn't get too cold). Come in, take a seat wherever you like. Dinner starts soon.

The room is quiet, save the chatter of people finding seats. Three people stand in the center of the room with various kinds of musical nstruments—L, in the center, (@rudolphsboyfriend my beloved) Blue to their side and Semi Eita on their other. All three are smiling, however L is the most, seeing everyone make their entrances.

Once everyone is seated, he explains: one of his biggest passions is music and he has two incredibly talented friends that agreed to play with him for the first part of the night, then dinner, then the rest of the party as everyone pleases.

They make a speech about how appreciative they are for everyone (see above for that) and the three of them play their set. Music kicks on, they announce dinner is open, and the rest of the night is yours for the choosing.

Do enjoy and tell me how spend your time!

Event Content!

playlist for the night

✧ drabbles ✧

@merciemer - dancing with matsukawa issei @kage7ama - people watching with diluc ragnvindr @animated-moon - eating dessert with tendou satori @rqkuya - xiao (yours didn't get a name but i swear its for good reason) @terushimatwinn - balcony conversations with miya atsumu @kodzukoi - car conversations with langa hasegawa

✧ matchups ✧

for @emswordss ✧✧✧ for @keijinn ✧✧✧ for anon ✧✧✧ for @duckymcdoorknob ✧✧✧ for @possiblypoe ✧✧✧ for @rudolphsboyfriend ✧✧✧ for 🌱 anon ✧✧✧

✧ other additions ✧

my evening with kaoru sakurayashiki

If you didn't get a chance to participate and want to (or you did, and want to add onto what I came up with), please do! Send it in as a submission or inbox message, or just tag me in a post you make! I'd love to add it to the main post!

Only rule about this is you cannot double characters. There are a few taken already, but if you would like to participate, please choose someone else that hasn't been listed in one of the drabbles/matchups to save everyone the confusion.

Thank you all so much again. I could not have done this all without you and I appreciate everyone that follows and interacts with me more than you all know. I hope to do something like this next year around this time if life permits. Other than that, get a drink, some dancing in, talk to new people—the night is yours! Enjoy the party.

[viinchester]

I'll tag a few writers I can think of right now whose stuff I read daily so they'll know why I won't be active as much. It's not because I suddenly lost interest in your writing, I promise.😜

@stargazingfangirl18 @slothspaghettiwrites @angrythingstarlight @syntheticavenger @whisperlullaby @river-soul

I'm aware my blog's not really big and I only have like 100~ followers (which mostly consist of bots), but I wanted to still announce something for everyone who is interested.

From tomorrow, 31st March 2021, on, I'll be significantly less active on Tumblr and every other social media platform and I don't exactly know for how long. It may vary from 2 to 6 months or even more.

The reason for that is that I've finally been given a place in the mental health clinic that I've been waiting for since October of last year.

I'll explain my situation a little for those of you that want to know more. If you're not interested, you can just skip the next part until the divider.

TW: Mental Health

Ever since I was as young as 4 years old, I had a therapist or some support in similar form by my side because of problems in my family and social surroundings that affected my mental health pretty badly. I've had many different therapists and procedures done over the years and was diagnosed at age 11 with Severe Depression and Social Anxiety, as well as some not fully evolved traits of Autism. I've been working hard on myself all my life basically and it showed significant improvement over the years, but I still had my downs of course. After some.. rather unfortunate choices of mine regarding my views on whether I should even be allowed to continue living, I was admitted to a children clinic for mental health in 2015 and stayed there until 2016. The time I spent there and people I met helped me a lot in figuring out how to accept myself. When I left the clinic, I was provided with a social worker from the government who would visit me every week or so and take me places to work on my social anxiety and confronting my fears, as well as serving as a outlet to the situation I had going on with my family at home that I won't go into detail about. This social worker helped me a lot, I'll be forever thankful to them, even though I knew it was their job. Fast forward to 2019, a big year for me. I got a job and started working, like so many other people my age. In October 2019 I turned 18 and the government pressured me to lose my social worker, because I was an "adult" now. My problems and issues were nowhere near solved at that time, but I tried convincing myself that I would manage without any additional support. I couldn't even have a therapist because my work schedule didn't allow it, so I've been mentally on my own since then for the first time since I was 4 years old. Enter 2020, the most depressing year I've had so far. Inbetween Corona and my disfunctional family I could barely convince myself to get out of bed, and my mental health hit me straight in the face. It got so bad even my employer started to notice and my position at work was indefinitely threatened. My social anxiety crept up again and I felt like everyone was pitying me and laughing, so I stopped going to work, pretending to be sick and making excuses just to stay at home. Eventually, my mother (bless her heart, I owe her so much) intervented and forced me to face reality. She made me see that everything I've been working towards was hanging on a thin threat and that I needed to get myself together. I really tried, but nothing I did seemed to be enough and eventually I even started having very bad thoughts again, spiraling down the black hole I'd dug for myself. Thus, my mother convinced me to finally find help again in the form of a mental health clinic, seeing as it had helped me back in 2015/2016 too. Because of Corona the waiting time was longer than before, so I've been waiting since October of last year for a place there.

Now, I'm finally able to go there and because of that, I may not be online as much anymore.

I'll still try to be active at least once a day, reblogging posts and interacting as much as I can, but I probably won't be able to be here as much as I'd like to be.

I'm not sure how long this will take, they said it could be anywhere between 2 to 6 months or longer, so we'll see.

Thank you so much for any and all support, it means a lot to me and I hope I haven't annoyed anyone too much with my rambling, but I felt like I own the few mutuals and followers I have as well as the writers I read stories from daily an explanation for my sudden disappearance of sorts.

[ujunxverse]

i’m sorry if i’m being invasive but wanted to at least try asking…

i’m usually not consistently active on tumblr but remembered a few of your enha fics randomly and logged on to go back and read them again to find that u had quit ur blog :( i understand by all means if that’s what u felt was best for u… but i wanna ask if u will ever come back or keep ur fics up at all?

hope all is well :)

hey !! dw, it's not invasive !!

honestly, i don't think my fics will ever be up again. i don't really write fanfics anymore, and i don't think i'll have the time to devote my time into it. i'm already so busy irl, that maintaining a fic blog online is too much for me to handle.

all is well on my end !! i just didn't like the idea of my fics being up even though i'm an inactive writer. a lot of those stories are very personal to me, and i'd rather have them sink with me than stay up since i don't have anything new to offer. a lot has changed in the past year or so of me writing, so the stuff i wrote then almost reads like a journal that details some of my thoughts and feelings.

[1-800-444-tune]

New Moon is going to be according to my status calculations on my app on my Windows tablet , at 3: 41am on the 6th of March, coming up, in zodiac sidereal for the New Moon is Aquarius. Predictions and more details to be posted later this week as I gather evidence and write my article.

Anybody looking to make a donation today!? To a good cause: getting a new astrology program software that I can run and get your natal charts faster and easier than anywhere on the Web, and far more accurate and without the privacy invasion? Well then , help me to buy this new galaxy gear I need to do astraunomer like working with the Stars and Moon's in your Sun🔔Signs Charting Birth Chart Analysis included, I will decipher the information for you, your going to love it if we can just make it to the mark of being able to afford it!! $$$ come on guys I know that cafe astrology. Com steals your birth information and uses it right? So does any other site no matter how legit they seem, if your serious about astrology and do not want a hex or curse put on you or a super privacy invasion issue, then DONATE PLEASE TO MY COMPANY I CREATED A BUSINESS PROFILE PORTFOLIO FOR MY ONLINE ASTRO+TAROT-GUIDANCE IT'S THE BEST BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSING OUT IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND GET READINGS OR REPORTS OF ASTROLOGY as nd numerology daily , weekly, even, monthly, because I have a wealth of great accurate source divine informative details you need to know NOW about your life! You just might be headed in the wrong direction astrologically or maybe your barcodes of your life aren't adding up and we need to subtract? That's numerology! And also my tarot reliable Readings are something you just should not be missing out on ,

I have totally stopped posting the free daily and weekly horoscopes did you notice?

That's because I do not feel like I should be giving out my great divine guidance fir free anymore, I'm feeling used and over worked, also

I only post the daily card of the day for tarot then a few other specials daily, and weekly but everything else I am currently putting on hold until I can at least afford some damn toilet paper. Because I just am not dealing with helping out a bunch of people with their super important questions for free when I do not get help myself for the things I truly need, don't you think my not having fucking toilet paper is a little bit more of an emergency than whether your boyfriend or non boyfriend likes you and you're truly actually meant to be with them, I have to apologize in advance if I seem like I'm being selfish, or rude. Please, I intend to not do any harm by bringing up this fact. Only voicing that I too, have maybe, maybe just maybe, bigger problems than your issues that I think are pure selfish things st this moment in time I'm real sorry that I do feel this way, maybe being broke has made me bitter a tad ... I don't know, cause I used to always go out of my way to assist anybody even if I did not know them, and I'd concentrate on their problems more than mine always focusing on helping others instead of helping myself, now I am purely from the heart, just reaching out for just some compassionate, you do not have to donate much just 3$ or more would get me through the day, 10$ could get me the toilet paper plus my dignity. Today. So if you feel like helping a lost soul out here in the Galaxy.

My paypal account for the company business I just trying to start up now is at this address: www.paypal.com/4tunef8

Hey everyone I just want to say I care deeply about each and every tumblr blogger on here, and I sincerely hope the best for you always, and right now I am doing little candle prayer magik to send you all some healing and luck , and if you do decide to donate, just simply write to my ask box your about you donated and I will be doing a super special ritual tonight (for another reason, personal worship) but I will include your name personally into my piece , and you will truly I swear notice something great happen to you by the time of the New Moon, on the 6th like I wrote at the top of this post

I really actually did not intend for this post to get so long or go on about my personal issue, also I'd like to remind you not to judge a book by its cover, I have huge medical bills and current legal fees that I am trying so very hard to keep up with, this is a really really hard time for me, personally I am not even wanting the morning to come when I go to bed at night. I feel borderline suicidal, if that isn't hard times, I don't know what is... and I'm not even looking for sympathy, or anyone to feel anything towards me except knowing my strength of how far I've come and acknowledgement for this strength that I, an unpredictably unstable mentally ill woman of faith, have come so far from where I used to be and made it through my spiritual awakening which I thought was truly the end of the world it was doomsday dread style scary shit ! But I made it out alive! And now I am a much more magical person because I'm so blessed with my true path of destiney realised again this issue feelings of wehen I was a young teenager, it's like I get to start fresh as new beginning, I actually got a real second chance at life, because if you knew me really knew me, you'd know, that, I had strayed off the great path and was walking along a fine line where I was in constant danger daily. Hourly. I was always in harms way, just on the darkest side of life, depressed and not living for myself at all. I was not trusting my intuition, I was being abused and bullied all the time. And that constant abuse tore holes through my personality and literally metaphorically emotionally ripped me right apart inside and out. I was such a mess I hit rock bottom anxiety struck me harsh but it was good for me in the end because at rock bottom, you have no other choice but to rise up from where you currently are, it's such a true realization, but the main thing is I had gotten better from the abuse, and left finally the abusive relationship and all the other abusive people in my life because as I was going up n up no choice but up, I was gradually actually slipping into my divine timed spiritual awakening which shook my world.

My journey to progression and eventually getting back onto my rightful birth path, my destiny too, this all started my spiritual awakening and shifts in consciousness, I was truly blessed to be cursed at this time. It all started when I went to the homeless shelter in april 2018, just before my birthday it's like surreal how it was all so planned out like this, it's crazy, if you guys only knew the whole entire story of what I have gone through and the truly horrific events that I now realised were all tests, and lessons, and that's my favorite way to look at my very abusive past and the unfortunate circumstances that wound me up a homeless addict on the streets of cities I dwelled in for times that seemed so rough and brutal I thought the pain would never end. Addiction can happen to anybody. But this is something that I actually feel in my soul that I was supposed to, meant to, go through. To realize some things, I had to experience this hard lifestyle. For me to eventually get to a place of gratitude and humility and to actually drop all my selfish ways and have more compassion, and learn that I am meant to have these traits because I am a great healer. In my community I live in currently, a lot of them know my past but do not judge me one bit, they all truly appreciate my free community services that I provide for those in need, they are all suffering from mental health issues and I am treating them (not so much their mental condition but other problems they have at home or with their body) . I am really good at working with herbs, spices, and essential oils. I make and invent cures to almost anything! And I have a biig book of herbal remedies that I, myself , have invented or have found online and then tweaked the recipe to bed much better!! This is volume. 001.2 of my Book Of Shadows. I have written so very many books about magik and the laws of the universe. I cherish my sacred personal theories and extensive wealth of knowledge I have collected. I'm just good at organizing this shit for some reason. If I wasn't so private of a person and afraid of people stealing my information without my consent then I would gladly post more of this type of stuff then I already have,in this blog and my other one which is personally a better one.

Anyways, now you know where I stand, where I come from a little bit.

I really really hope that somebody will take the time to donate to me this day so that I may be I can feel better and like somebody actually cares. I have over spent to the max on credit cards with online shopping, and shipping all kinda of witchy trinkets and necessities, the basics, I am stuck with a huge credit card bill, and I have my boyfriends credit card that I did not know until yesterday, but, he put everything to be on me. He totally used my Health Card and SIN # TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTED BUYING SHUT ONLINE AND SHIPPING TECH STUFF TO HIS FRIEND! I feel like I got scammed and I'm damned or something !! Not only am going to be suffering from PTSD and anxiety around men forever, because of this selfish Identity use basically total FRAUD, I AM NOW stuck in a bad position and with a bill and now the worst part is that I am actually facing federal prison because of some of the activity he did while assuming my identity ?.. thanks ?

I feel very very stupid, I feel like a total idiot for listening to my ex-commonlaw boyfriend, I'm glad I just decided to give him literally all of the furniture and all the shit we owned. It makes me feel less guilty about all the negative emotions I have towards him. I know it does not make it right but it does help believe it or not, because J eventually end up thinking about it as a positive .

If you have at least got this far through this rambling write up post , then congratulations, sincerely- thankyou for listening !

You are amazing

You have a purpose

Find your destiny

☆you're made of star stuff, you're a star!

You are perfectly imperfect

Your magic is valid

No matter who you are or how experienced you are in Pagan Tradition /Wicca and Witchcraft/The Occult or any related subjects and interests in lifestyle choices, your magic is valid! It doesn't matter if you JUST decided to become a witch TODAY or 5 minutes ago, that title is yours to hold onto and have forever or for as long as you decide!

Everybody is special!

Everyone is worth it!

Nobody deserves to be bullied or told they are wrong for what they believe in, simply , everyone's path is unique and it's just not four to critic anybody for the path they are choosing! There's a lot of confused witchlings baby witches and some bullying religious type overgrown babies out there. I think everyone should just have a little more like a lot more respect , because it can be intimidating to anybody who wants to share their opinions that they might feel are good ideas but are second guessing the post they want to make based on fear around the way some communities are reacting and trying to police these people's opinions. As far as I know this blog site was actually created to actually share your opinions without judgement and harsh exchange of words based on the content context. I can relate to this oppression. I feel as if not only does it sometimes the fear of rejection stop me from posting but also I have a big fear of being hated on for a lengthy and slightly random post I write it then I delete it right away. It's just that I actually have severe symptoms of A.D.D that my doctor is not currently helping me to treat, so I can get a bit off track sometimes, and my subjects vary like for example in my main post it starts as a simple astro galactic observations post, my starting of this post I just realize was about the New Moon . Then I started talking about my software that I cannot afford and then i went on to talk about my emergency thats actually bothering me even more , the fact that i cannot wipe my ass today and i do not live near any restursnts or anywhrr literally that has toilet paper availible in their washroom or else id just go to McDonalds and use theur washroom, simple as that...but not availible sorry, and now that im still rambling ans have your attention i have an offer actually for some people that do donate, I'd like people to donate towards so that I can provide a few lucky people with

Free Natal Astral Chart plus some informative explanations about your planetary alignments with accurate predictions to your life. I could eventually provide a much more accurate source of information in my reports than I do with this program I'm running off my laptop as of right now, but currently if you'd like a real actual Astrologer like produced Natal Chart , I am calling everyone to donate to this account here www.paypal.com/4tunef8 and let me know in my ask box that you have donated to my space cosmos exploration programming software .

This is getting way too long I know, but if you really did actually read some of this message at least the good parts, then please share my link to my paypal in your blog with a short excerpt on why they should donate to me , my cause, my business (just started) , and also donate to the astraunomer cosmos Explorer Division Technology that I am so very excited about but I know I have way bigger problem,than, that, but I just wanted to give you guys an idea if what I can do for you. We can make a trade? Please!? To dedicate my time and efforts to assisting every one with their issues gives me great joy, I just love to be useful, and a helping healing hand to any literally anybody , and so ooo much of my days are spent spending my hard earned money on others . To make them that herbal remedy for their skin they truly need because every skincare product on the market is littered with toxic shit that causes bad reactions and the treatments for acne I make that I've invented do not infect or irritate the skin, so they need me, and they cannot afford this 290$ treatment but I actually spend MY money each month just to get the satisfaction of doing the right thing as nd also satisfaction that my products produce results that are beyond what I ever expected of them, sometimes I need a confidence booster and this once a month or twice sometimes, spending I do to make and create this great acne treatment that's herbal and more of a holistic approach.

My greatest flaw right now is not my addiction or the abuse I'm going through anymore, I don't live on the streets (yet) have a pretty decent apartment but my greatest flaw is helping people if that can even be a flaw? It is though, I have so many many more examples of times during the month that I am called up "hey witch doctor, we got a problem, are you free?"

I am on paranormal investigating teams in surrounding communities as well, this takes out so much energy, time, and yes, you guessed it, money !!

Anyways again I am actually going to close this rant ramble weird thoughts flowing from my mentally ill mind.

I truly truly hope that somebody, just 1 person even, does decide to care enough about me , a poor lost soul, to donate some about, it's all up to you, I'm not putting any rules and I just am not one to tell people what to do or how to spend their hard earned dollars or anything like I do not push ideas onto people, I'm just not like that, I totally believe in freedom for all, I don't wish for world peace at night because I know that that isn't possible, there's some cultures that just do not mix and a lot of cultures prefer to stick to their own and that's great because how else would the culture survive and the traditions live on to the next generations if they were mixed with a bunch of other cultures and lost their true identities as a nation , that would be sort of sad in a way, but I'm really not properly medicated and should not even maybe be observational posting about this when in not well in the mind fully yet this day. But a donation will help me to wipe my ass and that's my main goal.

Kk,baiii, don't hate, just donate #freefaeona #donation #astrology #worldwide #tarotreading

Ps: Actually ANYBODY that donates me more than 10$ today and the rest of the week too, I have an offer, I will do a FREE TAROT READING OF 3 FREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!

And anybody that shares my link to my paypal explaining that I'm giving free tarot Readings to anyone that's gunna donate! I will give you a YEARS HOROSCOPE OUTLOOK, BASED ON MY VERY ACCURATE SOURCES OF GENERATED HOROSCOPES I RECIEVE THEY'RE THE SAME ONES I USED TO POST ON HERE SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GUNNA BE GOOD, THEN

Anybody that donates and says it's towards my astro-cosmos software, I'll do up a FREE ABSOLUTELY, JUST THE COST OF YOUR DONATION, I'LL DO YOUR NATAL BIRTH CHART FOR YOU, WITH THE SEMIPRO PROGRAM I HAVE RIGHT NOW,

So there's my offers and anybody that blogs about these offers and tags me in them, is just an amazing person and gets the luckiest prize of all, they get entered into a draw to win a free natal chart birth chart wow yeah and and and I'm gunna give an astrology reading to you very reliable accurate information details you will WANT TO KNOW!!