#I don't often like a lot of the new 52 stuff but damn

[the-gentle-art-to-going-insane]

Shoutout to that time DC said, "yeah, let's just have John Constantine in a three way magic marriage"

That was fun.

[dancing-to-architecture]

Wanna say that I've been busy, but really I've just been lazy. (That kingdom just has so many tears!)

Expect a few albums coming in hot.

19 - The Kinks - The Village Green Preservation Society

Initial thoughts: Okay, i know exactly 3 songs by The Kinks. Aaaaaaaand none of them are on this album. All new stuff.

Very cool cover art.

The Village Green Preservation Society-

I used to be MUCH harsher on things like this, but they're gonna catch a little flak for rhyming "society" with "society" and "variety" with "varieties".

Now, I'm not saying it's a sign of impropriety, nor is it a cause for notoriety, but in it's entirety, it reliably, justifiably gives me anxiety.

(Later edit: okay never mind, he just rhymed "vernacular" with "Dracula" and that's goddamn amazing)

All that said, i do want to join the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium, and i really like what the song is saying: sometimes small towns/communities aren't wholly terrible, new things can absolutely live alongside older traditions, and there's no sense in going blisteringly fast directly into the New just because you can.

Do You Remember Walter?-

Oh man, the first 5 seconds got me hyped and then i remembered this isn't ELO, and ELO likely referenced (or stole) that piano/drum fill combo for Mr. Blue Sky.

So, literally *yesterday*, i could have sworn that i saw a guy that looked JUST like one of my close friends from high school walking into a Walmart in Florida. And it made me wonder for a few minutes about how that guy is doing and how "if you saw me now you wouldn't even know my name".

They put that exact feeling into a song.

People often change, but memories of people can remain. Damn, i hope people remember me kindly, at least.

...but knowing my past? Outlook not hopeful.

I was a real piece of shit before some really good times with very hard drugs showed me EXACTLY who i was (right before they annihilated my ego right in front of me and told me to go play 52-soul pickup).

Picture Book-

Okay i know this one from about a dozen movies and it commercials, usually involving scenes of the Glorious Past and How Much Better Things Used To Be, and that kind of manufactured nostalgia generally turns my stomach.

Also, given that nobody gets pictures processed anymore, this song actually hurts. There aren't any modern picture books unless you have a person in your life who's REALLY into scrapbooking or something.

All of our memories are all stored on two forms of objectively rapidly-decaying memory; one silicon, one electric jelly, and neither are as reliable or durable as processed film.

There will come a day when nobody has actual pictures of anybody because they've all been sitting on someone's phone... which just got factory reset.

A good song, I'm just in a funk about the future of it all.

Johnny Thunder-

Look, Johnny Thunder is clearly a bum and/or drifter and Helena could probably do better.

Last of the Steam-Powered Trains-

Some really solid bluesy guitar work, and who doesn't enjoy a well-placed harmonica?

Also, holy shit do i feel this song, knowing that a lot of my friends have relatively well-paying (air conditioned) computer-toucher jobs while i sweat in this machine shop.

C'est la vie.

I'm the last of the soot and scum brigade, and I guess I'll wear that badge with pride.

Big Sky-

This is an anthem for The Vast. (Magnus Archives fans will relate.)

Big Sky hears ya, Big Sky don't care.

Be like Big Sky.

Sitting by the Riverside-

The sonic equivalent of a beautiful day doing nothing at all, just chilling by the river and getting nicely wine-drunk with someone you love. This one's short but sweet.

Animal Farm-

Fun fact: this song has exactly fuck-all to do with the book of the same name.

Real B-side hours on this one, if I'm being honest. Not terrible, but nothing to really write home about, imo.

Village Green-

There are some aspects of small town life that i almost miss.

Not enough to write a song about it, but i guess that's the overall theme of the album.

I will never say that I'm upset that i left my hometown, to the extent that i feel like i even have one.

Starstruck-

Fitting right after Village Green to have a song about the crazy Big City and how dazzling and disorienting it can all be.

Not very fitting that this one's actually all about "yeah, girl, I'm the shit. Be dazzled by my glorious incandescence."

Phenomenal Cat-

I'm gonna be real: a bit of a waste of the intro lines here, because 'a long long time ago, in the land of idiot boys' is a GREAT opener.

Another "the world isn't what you want, what you want is a simple, peaceful life" song, continuing the theme.

Also, kinda feels like the cat just became a Buddhist?

All of My Friends Were There-

Sounds like one of the hardest parts of dealing with fame is "who is actually really a friend, and who just wants to ride my dick and try to sponge some spillover cash?"

Kinda glad I've never been wealthy enough to have to worry about that, tbh.

Wicked Annabella-

Slick drum intro, love the fuzzy guitars.

The lyrics are a goddamn Grimm fairy tale, though.

This guy's clearly not ready for a big titty goth gf...

Monica-

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Captain Save-a-ho! "No no she loves ME guys, you don't have what WE have."

People Take Pictures of Each Other-

Just reread everything i said about Picture Book again. Same thoughts.

All in all, not a bad album, but it doesn't really feel like The Kinks i know just yet.

Favorite Track: The Village Green Preservation Society. Yeah the first four rhymes are pretty weak but it's a great setup for the themes of the album overall, sets a nice tone of what to expect.

Least Favorite Track: honestly, it's Picture Book, because that song is irrevocably connected with commercials for Kodak or whoever.

[chaosintheavenue]

Misc for the oc you don’t get to talk about as often!

First of all, I am sorry for how long it took me to get around to this (the ask meme was posted on the 6th- if this even is from the meme I think it is!). Tumblr thought it appropriate to not give me any sort of notification for this ask, and I just so happened to open my inbox and discover it sitting here.

But anyhow, I'm going to talk about Violet. I barely mention her on here, but in fact she has some of the most detailed lore of all of my OCs!

This will most likely get long, so I'll throw in a cut here. Also, I won't be including any questions where the answer is just plain 'no' or 'I'm not sure', because that's not exactly thrilling stuff to read lol.

-

-

45. Do they have any specific hobbies or talents?

She has a pretty good singing voice and tends to sing to herself a lot, but her real passions are reading, writing and daydreaming. Plenty of the latter.

Also, if you consider marksmanship a talent, she's a damn good shot.

46. Do they play any sports? How about board games or card games?

Nope, they're not particularly her thing. She knows how to play Caravan and a few similar games common amongst travelling parties, but doesn't find them very engaging herself.

47. Do they enjoy reading?

Yes. There's not much that she enjoys more!

50. Do they travel by foot or by other means?

She's perfectly happy to travel long distances by foot and has done so in the past, but in the 'present day' of her storyline (which is up to 2287-ish) she primarily travels by car as a passenger.

52. Can they swim?

She can swim pretty well as a means of getting around, but wouldn't choose to swim recreationally.

53. What do they think of the ocean?

Her first encounter with the ocean was in Adytum when she was in her early twenties *cough* after she ran away from home *cough*. She thinks it's relaxing to look at, but hard work to swim in compared to the Great Salt Lake (where she learned to swim). She is also very much the type of person to be morbidly fascinated by deep sea environments and life forms.

55. Are they past, present, or future oriented?

This is a bit of a tricky one for Violet. She believes that there are a lot of lessons in her past that should be remembered, but no longer dwells on the past and tries to keep her immediate focus on the present or near future. Long-distance future planning attempts usually just send her straight to daydream land.

56. How do they feel about robots? (Eyebots, Mister Handys, Sentry Bots, etc.)

She doesn't actively dislike them, but is definitely wary of them until they prove themselves friendly. Wasn't exposed to much of that sort of tech growing up, and as an adult most of her robot encounters have involved glitched hostile robots. Spending time in Big MT gave her new levels of both positive (her Sink buddies) and negative (roboscorpions and trauma harnesses) automative experiences, so overall her views on robots remained pretty much balanced.

60. Are they religious? Spiritual?

Depends who she's around when you ask her...

61. What are their thoughts on chems and alcohol?

Very strongly dislikes anything related to alcohol and will remove herself from any situation where it is involved. She doesn't partake in chems recreationally, but isn't fussed in the slightest if others do in her vicinity as long as the effects don't mirror those of alcohol.

62. Do they have any weaknesses or struggle with any vices?

Escapism to the point of letting any and all problems sit until they fester. As she gets older and gains more responsibilities she does get somewhat better at time management, but can slip right back into old habits if under duress.

63.Do they need / wear glasses?

She was lucky enough to inherit my eye problems :D. She's extremely long-sighted and can barely see a thing without her thick glasses, and so wears them constantly out of necessity. There was a period in her teens where she had access to a supply of contact lenses suitable for her eyes and used them instead, but other than that, it's glasses every day for her.

66. Describe their eyes.

Her eyes are light grey and relatively small. She specifically dislikes people pointing out that they're actually a very pale shade of blue.

[movienotesbyzawmer]

August 30: Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

(previous notes: Mission: Impossible III)

I bet the powers that be at the Mission: Impossible movie factory didn't lose any sleep over the stupid colon in the title that screws everything up. I mean, just look at that up there with the colon after my date, then the colon in the middle of the OG title, and then it's like, well, you can do whatever you want with punctuation but we're adding a subtitle after it now and you just have to deal with it. On posters and stuff it's just "Mission: Impossible" and then underneath those words they put "Ghost Protocol" so they don't have to deal with it. What a mess. I tell you it is a damn mess is what it is.

Anyway, we have arrived at the M:I movie that, more than any of the others, just really hit the spot for me when I saw it upon its original release. I saw it at the end of a frustrating and tiring work day and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. At some point in the middle I realized that I was enjoying it thoroughly without having to tolerate the kinds of flaws that were apparently part and parcel of this kind of movie. Maybe there were flaws that I just wasn't registering. We'll soon see.

Continuing the tradition of making very hip choices for the directing duties, here we have the live-action directorial debut of Brad Bird, who started off directing episodes of The Simpsons before moving on to no less than The Iron Giant and The Incredibles. Dude had two Oscars on his mantle by the time he showed up for this. Press play already!

Um Sweet Christ those opening shots look gook in 4K like HOO boy

Whoa, neat opening where Sawyer from Lost is chased off the top of a building in Budapest but his jacket deploys an air mattress right as he almost-hits, but then he's shot by Lea Seydoux in an alley, rat-a-tat-tat with the action here, like what is up

Simon Pegg is back, and he's being tricksy with the tech in a prison! He's opening cell doors and the prisoners are surprised and delighted with that twist! He plays them a jazz standard on the intercom and Ethan Hunt suavely emerges from one of the cells. Fun silly things ensue involving Ethan's rebellious and confident independent strategy and a small riot that seems kind of like a bar fight.

He has made a pal in the joint and he's breaking him out. Some kind of cool tech creates a really sweet vortex-y hole in the floor and they are swooped up by their helpers, it's fun.

We're introduced to Paula Patton who is a new team member, and then the credits roll, and they are spirited in a way that recalls the first movie, also showing real scenes from later in the movie.

Flashback to the thing that was happening with Sawyer shows how that botched operation, something about a file and a courier, got Sawyer killed because lots of bad guys were all over the place there. AR contact lens technology figures prominently, and that is a good idea (plus we totally might have those soon, right?).

0:18:16 - Once again we begin the movie without the leading lady from the previous one, but we're starting to get an explanation here. Or just a tease of one I guess.

And quickly we get a sneaky-style self-destructing message that sets up that Ethan has to disguise himself as a specific Russian and sneak into the actual Kremlin. This movie 100% gets what a Mission: Impossible movie is supposed to be.

This time, they aren't using fancy masks or voice shifter things, just costumes and a fake mustache. They comment about that in the dialogue but don't explain why.

0:24:52 - Dialogue mixed SO QUIET here I have no idea what SP just said. It seems like you're supposed to have heard it.

But that is quickly forgotten when they use the coolest spy gadget of them all - a screen that is placed in a corridor that makes the guy at the other end of the corridor think it’s the corridor, but it's a screen and SP & Ethan are hiding behind it and it is super super neato I love it

Then just when it's cool that that is going well, it's suddenly cool how NOT well it's going because someone is spying on their spycraft! The thing they were going to heist isn't there, and someone deliberately makes their comms thing be heard by the bad guys!

And THEN we see something we really didn't think we'd see and it is kind of mind blowing - Ethan escapes from the Kremlin with a very smooth quick-change of his disguise that we see him do in all one shot… but then the Kremlin totally explodes and it explodes all over Ethan as he's running away! It looks amazing!

Right after that there is some fun with subtitles - Ethan is in the hospital all damaged and concussed and stuff, and the news is talking about the obvious big story, and the subtitles are in Russian. At first I was like, "hey is my home theater tech busted?" but no, the subtitles become gradually more in English as Ethan starts to come out of it. Then we see with subtitles that Ethan is reading lips about the police people that want to be bad guys to Ethan.

After Ethan escapes, we shift to a wholesome-looking Russian family we haven't seen before. The scene is a nice little piece of drama about how the dad sees the Kremlin news and wants to get the family out of there, and very quickly that goes south and thugs have them all at gunpoint, it's nicely done

Ethan is being extracted by two new characters played by accomplished, Oscar-nominated actors Tom Wilkinson and Jeremy Renner… the conversation is dire and I don't want to type during it gahhh gah gah gah I am watching because holy shit this goes south too! TW informs Ethan that the DoD is going to frame him for blowing up the Kremlin and his only choice is to escape. He's telling him HOW to escape in a funny way, but they are attacked and it's visually very interesting and TW is headshot and they are in the water and it is such bad news for Ethan and his new colleague played by Mr. Renner, I probably typoed a lot during that because it was so hard to look away.

So Ethan is on the hook for the terrorist attack of the century and he's being chased by a little battalion of thugs who just shot that important spy boss, and he's in Russia. It is very not good for Ethan.

He's with JR and JR is playing a different character for him. He's a bookish analyst guy who feels very out of place in action-land.

We're learning about the main bad guy, Hendricks, who was the guy that screwed everything up in the Kremlin. He's a super-smart theoretical physicist or something who has big, well-thought-out ideas about destroying the world with nukes, and he took nuke codes from the Kremlin. So things are just really really hairy and it's effective storytelling is what I'm saying.

Also effective is that they met up with SP and PP on a neat secret train car thing that is well appointed with spy gear

And VERY VERY EFFECTIVE is what happens next, which is a series of establishing shots of Dubai which KILL ON MY TV. I am glad I have a 4K panel, kids. This begins what I recall as being an extended sequence of sweet-ass suspense. Ethan has to break into a server room by climbing the outside of the 130th floor of the Burj Khalifa using glove-gadget tech that will hopefully work. There is at least some actual Tom Cruise clinging to the side of that building. It's so cool looking. And to make matters worse, a dust storm approaches! Or should I say "to make matters even cooler looking". Yes I should. Please read that part.

Paula Patton's character seems underdeveloped so far, especially compared to her teammates Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner.

Jeez you guys, if you like suspenseful action scenes about barely surviving climbing a skyscraper this movie is for you.

1:05:34 - In the middle of a tense conversation we see that they were using the maskmaker but it wasn't working. They just don't want us to have mask fun in this movie. They hate mask fun. Why does Brad Bird hate mask fun.

Oh then this scene which is neat - bad guys are meeting with LS… but Ethan and JR are taking their place, and PP is taking LS's place for the real bad guys one floor down. The movie explains it better than me, but it is pretty exciting, the two meetings happening at the same time with opposite trickery.

Hah, SP does a sweet fake-hand trick to get the diamonds from the bad guys so he can get them to Ethan and JN, and JN is doing the thing where he uses the contact lens tech… gosh why are you even reading this, just watch the movie. I really like the tricksy espionage.

It all falls apart because LS spots the contact lens in JR's eye. The plot is moving along in a way that, I'm once again noticing, would normally require more half-assed-ness. It's just a solid spy plot. Which probably makes these notes more boring. Poor you.

LS dies by getting kicked out of the open window of the Burj Khalifa with a brewing sandstorm in the background! Neat looking!

And then a thing where Ethan is in a thick dust cloud and he's tracking the important paper thing with his tracker device, and it starts moving quickly at him and we realize just as it's too late that it's in a car that's gonna run him over! Then that mechanic gets used in a car chase in a dust storm, which we don't see very often outside a Mad Max movie, and that climaxes in a really cool looking collision, followed by the reveal that one of the nuclear code bad guys was Hendricks in a supermask. So we DO like mask fun after all! Except why do we care that it was Hendricks?

A scene where JR is confronted for maybe being a double-crosser has a beautifully choreographed gun-get-grabbity-grab thing that was probably super fun for the actors.

1:27:05 - JR tells a story that at first we think is that family we saw briefly almost scramming, but no, he's talking about Ethan, and what seems to be a story about Ethan's wife (Julia from the last movie) getting killed in Croatia, and Ethan killing six Serbians for revenge, and that's why he was in prison in the beginning? It's still a little mysterious and kind of complicated. It doesn't quite fit with what we think we know.

Dubai imagery is pretty. I have been to Dubai. I am standing by for your marriage proposals now.

I didn't really follow how we got to this point, but Ethan went for a walk and met with some underworld Dubai person and made a deal the ended up with a huge cache of spy gear and a private plane to India. I went to India like right after Dubai. I have my own car and a job kind of so you might need to calm your hormones at this point.

A probing exchange with PP establishes that indeed Ethan's story is that he killed the men who killed his wife. Doesn't really seem legit, though. There's more to the story, clearly.

One of the tech things they play with on the plane is the most magic-seeming one. It is a suit that looks like tight chain-mail, and it floats over a cart, like a magic carpet that you wear.

We're introduced to Brij Nath, whose name I had to look up so I could tell you how it is spelled. He has an access code that they need, which seems like they just kind of simplified the situation, and he's one of those only-kinda-bad bad guys that's really just a pawn, for our heroes as well as for these storytellers.

The wearable magic carpet gadget is fun and funny! SP has to remote control JR wearing the floaty-suit and JR is trying not to freak out too badly, and maybe on purpose it recalls the scene from the first movie where Tom Cruise hovers parallel to the floor.

Hendricks is now in a secret room in the place where they all are, and he has a bad-guy briefcase computer and orders some subordinates to do something with a virus, and I don't actually understand what's really happening but am I to believe that Ethan et al are thwarting literal nuclear terrorism here in Mumbai? Right here at this pleasant party at the palace of an only kinda-bad bad guy?

1:48:30 - Ha, the climax of the wearable magic carpet thing involves JR barely surviving by doing an acrobatic stunt that seems oddly intuitive and satisfying. You'll just have to watch the movie to know what I mean.

The spy-tech car they have is rad.

They fail to prevent the launch of a nuclear missile! We see it come out of the sub and start missiling toward its destination which we have learned is California! Hendricks mutters things about how that should get the ball rolling making world powers hate each other and nuke each other and may there be peace on Earth, he also, yes, says that.

A chase on foot has Ethan and Hendricks suddenly brawling on an exotically elegant robotic parking ramp. Platforms move around mechanically and transfer unmanned cars to different areas, and it is against that video gamey backdrop that Ethan and Hendricks struggle to get that sinister suitcase which is all bouncing around that environment. Unexpectedly, Ethan's hope of grabbing it is thwarted by Hendricks suicide-jumping down several stories! We see it! He definitely does that! Ethan drives a car off a thing to follow him, plummeting down hood-first, and the airbag saves him! He gets the briefcase and barely saves the day in time!

Again a denouement making it very clear that everything is really shockingly okay and tidied up. Even the thing with Ethan revenge-killing Serbians and the thing with his wife is cleaned way up, but with an elegance and sweetness that elevates this movie above the others. She's not dead after all, just fake-dead for her protection. And they're only where they are in Seattle so he can glimpse her lovingly across a marina.

So! I feel strongly that this is the best Mission: Impossible movie! It is an extraordinarily deftly-constructed spy thriller! It's got all the funnest types of things that are in the other movies, and other fun spy thrillers, but with so much less garbage! They did a great job and they should be proud.

[bobbystompy]

68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019

Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.

John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’

New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould

2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”

3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz

4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert

5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez

6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”

7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release

8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’

9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”

10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey

11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex

12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party

13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight. Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it. Belichick: You’re damn right. Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight. Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out. Gronk: Oh, I like it!

A Super Bowl winning exchange.

14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".

Belichick disagreed with it.

Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot. Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.

Another Super Bowl winning exchange.

15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur

16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad

17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)

18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”

19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell

20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]

Me: Check out this song I just wrote

[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]

Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass

-- @seanoneal

21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World

22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman

23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’

There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins

24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita

25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale

26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy

27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert

28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’ 

Yes tf I am

People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”

29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp

30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary

31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom

32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were: 

‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”

- @Authoroux

33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully

34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones

35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers

36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M. Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

-- Modern Family

37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil

38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”

39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham

40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher

41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.

-- Blink-155

42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”

43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’

45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos

46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”

47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”

48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’

49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)

50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham

51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign

52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes

53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019

54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”

55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson 

56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi

57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else

58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary

59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family

60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace

61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country

62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso

63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end

64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn? Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.

65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical

66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]

"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking

67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman

68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks

[travelingunclematt]

Like a Child

I often liken good behavior to that of a good hound; reliable, loving, diligent and vigilant. When you call I come. You watch the people I will hop and pop for. If I fail to come around my gramma’s house for an extended amount of time I will get called, messaged and lightly scolded. The funny thing is Nancy Lou Van Kirk has a lot of grandchildren. I refer to to my grandma and grandpa’s as “gramma’s” maybe has a lot less to do with brevity than it does who is running the household.

Grandma called me yesterday while I was at the fire station conducting live fire training (things on fire), I stop and answer that call and I don't have their number saved because it is memorized, ask me, I’ll rattle it off. I hadn’t been around. I don’t put off my grandparents, that’s priority, I said I would be by tomorrow.

I rode out on my motorbike. Any excuse I can find, if its 52 degrees I’ll ride, all that cheesy stuff they say about riding is true. 

My grandma was home. She is 80. She asks what you want to eat. As a child I could eat anything in the house, nothing wasn’t for me as long as I washed my hands first. At 37 I don’t have to be reminded to wash my hands and I never forget. I watch her move about the kitchen, I listen like a child, like I was and am sometimes; quiet, a serious look and scowl. She never asked me what was wrong like everyone else did. Here I am Nicholas, no one calls me Nicholas. 

My grandma is Christian and her first born granddaughter is gay. She struggles but she never struggles to love her, she articulates her feelings, she leads with love. I always smile, its a secret few of us know. The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. No one can hate anyone if they love their neighbor as themselves. Disagree all day, that is a choice but to love is a command with no stipulations. She confirms that my cousin and I are the favorites of our grandfather, our pictures adorn the fridge and next to grandpa’s bed is a picture of me, her and an award I received for my service in Paraguay. Grandma has no favorites, she loves all of us equally.

I have always sat at the right hand of my grandfather and at any gathering if I am misplaced I patiently correct the error. I sit at his right vacant place now. I am aware of the way I cross my legs, the way I “hmph”, the way I say “thats alright” and that phrase’s inflection, the way I position myself in a chair, they are all facsimiles of his mannerisms. My boots are clean, not because I don’t work because thats what he would expect.

He appears, he is 90, he stands upright, sits with his legs crossed, pours me coffee. He tells the same stories, the 45th time you have heard it, I listen for some new detail. His hiking boots are dirty because they see the earth, he walks alone, I wonder what he thinks out there. His cowboy boots are $900, they are immaculate. He is a three-time Vietnam veteran. He is the reason I wear expensive boots, went airborne, went, came back and drink a little bit of whisky. 

I am guarded about this place, I don’t bring many here, it is a big deal to me. Grandpa doesn’t say he is proud, he just asks questions and says “thats alright” and thats the same. My grandma says shes proud, she says I have a big heart, she says the things you read in a birthday card at seven when you haven’t done a damn thing but at 37 they are all true. My mom says she’s glad these things don’t go to my head and reaffirms everything later.

I get up to leave. I get a jar of honey from my uncle in Montana and shove it in the pocket of my leather jacket. My grandpa says he likes my helmet, I beam. He watches me leave from the porch, I think he gets a kick out of it.

I ride home, its hard, the day. You can carry all the wonderful things in the world but when one thing is out of place it brings you down. The motor of my little parallel twin is quiet, it is a low vibration, like a lullaby. 

I think about my life, sometimes its hard but I let the words of those people resonate and remember how I have been shaped by their words and hands and love. 

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”

The words above sit on a plaque in my house to remind me of everything they have done and said. 

This post is dedicated to my friend, his grandmother died this past week and I know the verse, he too is an embodiment of it. Love should be diligent, vigilant and will come every time you call for it, no stipulations and if you catch a little hell for being late know it is from a place of love.