#I don't know if any of this makes any sense

[studyinglogic]

SIMPLICIO: Indeed, what god could possibly forgive a duck eating a duck?

PROTAGORAS: Could be a chicken. Also you don't know if he's going to eat it. Maybe he's plotting revenge on the person who cooked it. Assuming it was a person.

ALCIPHRON: That it is a duck about to eat a duck is evident. But considering what ducks do, that's probably not the biggest concern of the gods. Assuming the gods have meticulous providence and hence pre-ordained what Moeliker saw.

SOCRATES: Here you are anachronistic, my dear Alciphron, for you have brought in Calvinist notions of a Christian God into your previously Greek notions of gods. In any case, the question is not whether a god could forgive a duck eating a duck, but whether a god would forgive us for imagining a fictional duck about to eat a non-existent duck. Are we not the guilty ones?

NIETZSCHE: You seek the flame outside yourself while simultaneously extinguishing it within. Fools and slaves of long-defunct theologians, do you not see how crooked and warped your thoughts are by this focus? If you wish to speak about morality, do so honestly and without hypocrisy, rather than pretending to the divine and assuming that you know the nature of God.

KEYNES: Did you anachronistically steal my line about economists?

NERO (with FAT TONY): Economists schmeconomists. This is the ludic fallacy times twenty. If you like watching ducks, enjoy ducks. If you like watching cartoon ducks, enjoy watching cartoon ducks.

DORFMAN and MATTELART: A ridiculous notion, and one that could only be put forward by a caricature of a caricature. It used to be that ideology was spread by education; now it's spread by cartoons. In the Donald Duck comics, "all objects arrive on parachutes, are conjured out of hats, are presented as gifts in a non-stop birthday party, and are spread out like mushrooms. Mother earth gives all: pick her fruits, and be rid of guilt. No one is getting hurt." No wonder people act like nature is inexhaustible.

TOLSTOY: I am a writer who enjoys polyphony, but let me tell you, this dialogue is a mess. No repeating characters, no chiasmus, no arc---how could this end well?

WITTGENSTEIN: End? Those are the words of a writer detached from a reality they can control. The riverbed of thought in which we carve our grooves never ends. We are caught in a language game about ducks, cartoons, and morality. The question of forgiveness presupposes rules about what requires forgiveness, and even presupposes a setting in which the concept of forgiveness makes sense. But can a duck transgress against these rules if it does not participate in the language game that created them?

LAOZI: Speaking about language games misses the point, for the duck that can be named is not the eternal duck. To put it more bluntly, to pin down a concept of a duck is to impute to it a stability that does not exist. When we cease trying to categorize the duck as eater or eaten and instead see the two as intertwined, we may glimpse the true Dao of duckness.

SANKARA: I may agree with your Way; I cannot agree with Duckness as primary, for to speak of Duckness is misconceived. The duck, the meal, and the eating are all maya, mere appearances. In ultimate reality, Brahman alone exists. The wise one sees through this illusion to the underlying unity.

ZHUANGZI: You speak of unity; I speak of change. Once I dreamed a bird became a fish which became a human who became an ambiguous poster on social media, for just as a fish spawns roe which may be birthed or eaten, these humans spawn ideas which may be neglected, or take on a life of their own, or be eaten themselves. The posts written by this human took on lives on their own. This is called the endless transformation of discourse.

[v6quewrlds]

for like a dad joe idea what if their kid keeps asking them questions 😭 like i saw on twitter some said that u realize u don’t know much when ur kid asks u “why” all the time 😭 idek if that makes any sense 💀 idk happy thanksgiving!!!

you stood in the kitchen, your eyes scanning the countertops for any stray crumbs that had escaped the chaos of lunchtime. the sun peeked through the windows, casting a warm afternoon glow across the tiles and the stainless steel appliances. the air smelled faintly of melted cheese and buttered bread. it a comforting scent that never failed to make you smile despite the mess.

joe was sitting at the table, a picture of calm as he bottle-fed baby noa. her tiny fists clutched at his shirt, pulling it slightly as she hungrily drank her milk. he had that look in his eyes, the one that told you he was in daddy-mode, fully focused on your two daughters.

"but daddy, why can't i have ice cream for lunch?" amara asked, her voice filled with the sweet innocence that could melt the most stoic of hearts.

joe looked up from noa with a raised eyebrow, his mouth twitching with the faintest hint of a smile. "because it's not a food group, pumpkin. unless you've discovered a new food pyramid that includes ice cream and sprinkles?"

amara giggled, her cheeks flushing pink as she took a bite of her grilled cheese sandwich. "what's a food group?" she inquired, her mouth half full.

you couldn't help but laugh as you rinsed the plates. "it's like a family of foods, baby," you explained, turning to face your daughter. "we need different types to stay healthy, like veggies, fruits, and proteins. ice cream's a treat for after we've had our good stuff."

amara pondered for a moment, her eyes narrowing in thought. "do you eat all the food groups, mommy?" she asked, her voice a mix of challenge and genuine curiosity.

a playful grin spread across your face. "well, i try to, munchkin. but sometimes, mommy has cravings just like you."

joe took the opportunity to jump in. "yeah, and when mommy has those cravings, she eats an entire pint of ice cream and calls it 'balance'." he sat up a bit straighter, burping noa gently. "but we don't talk about those days."

you shot him a glare, which only made him laugh. "very funny, joe," you said, shaking your head despite the smile on your lips.

amara's eyes lit up. "can i have ice cream tomorrow, daddy?"

"we'll see," joe replied, his tone a perfect blend of firmness and amusement. he knew you would have the final say, but he wasn't about to spoil the fun just yet. "maybe if you eat all your veggies at dinner."

you rolled your eyes, but held your protest, unable to hide your amusement.

"veggies?" amara scrunched up her nose. "but i don't like veggies."

joe simply shrugged his shoulders dramatically. "well, then i guess you're out of luck, pumpkin." he playfully poked her tummy with his free hand.

you stepped closer to the table, your laughter subsiding as you saw the look of determination in amara's eyes. "don't worry, baby," you said, your voice soothing. "we'll find some veggies you like. maybe we can try those carrot sticks you liked last week with some ranch dip?"

amara considered it for a moment before nodding. "okay, mommy. but only if i can have chocolate ice cream."

"deal," you agreed, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. you knew the terms of the negotiation would likely be forgotten by the time dessert rolled around tomorrow night. you turned back to the sink, the warm water rushing over the plates and mixing with the suds. the sound of the faucet and the clinking of silverware filled the room, a comforting backdrop to the chatter.

"what's for dinner?" joe asked, finally breaking the silence that had fallen between the bites of grilled cheese and sips of milk.

you scrunched your nose as you rinsed a plate. "you and your daughter sure do ask a ton of questions," you teased, glancing at joe.

"i'm making a new recipe tonight, remember? it's a surprise." you knew he didn't like surprises when it came to food, but you enjoyed watching him try new things.

"surprise?" joe echoed, crinkling his nose at the sound of the word. noa stared back at him with wide eyes, seemingly surprised by his reaction. he laughed softly, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. "i'm sure it'll be great, babe. right, pumpkin?"

amara nodded vigorously, her dark curls bobbing with excitement. "yes!" she exclaimed, her voice muffled by the last bite of her sandwich.

you dried your hands and took a seat at the table, your gaze drifting to the clock on the wall. "alright, miss burrow," you said, turning your attention to amara. "let's get you cleaned up. you can play outside with daddy after he's done feeding noa."

amara's face brightened at the mention of playing outside. she hopped down from her chair, her feet landing with a soft thud on the floor. "daddy, can i ask you a question?" she said, her little feet shuffling towards joe as her round brown eyes looked up at him expectantly.

joe, ever the good sport, nodded. "always, amara. what's on your mind, pumpkin?"

"how did noa get in mommy's tummy?" amara asked, her eyes wide with wonder.

joe chuckled nervously, a hint of surprise flashing across his features. you stifled a laugh, cooing as you reached for your infant, brushing your thumb over her plush cheek as she started to fuss in joe's arms. you watched as joe's expression shifted into a slightly panicked look, his mind racing to find the right words.

"uh," he began, clearing his throat before opting to redirect his eldest's thoughts. "who wants ice cream before we go play?"

amara's eyes lit up, and she squealed with excitement. "me! me!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down.

you couldn't help but laugh. "not so fast," you said, taking the now-empty bottle from joe. "first, let's get cleaned up, and then we'll talk about ice cream."

joe handed noa over with a grateful look, standing up from his chair. "you heard your mom," he said, ruffling amara's hair. "wash those hands and we'll figure out this ice cream situation."

you shook your head as amara rushed down the hallway to the bathroom, leaving joe standing in a daze. "nice save, dad," you said, a teasing smile playing on your lips.

joe shrugged, his eyes following your four-year-old's retreating figure. "i thought i had more time before we had to explain how babies were made," he murmured, half to himself.

you chuckled as you held noa close to your chest. "you know she's the curious type," you murmured, rubbing the baby's back gently, coaxing her to sleep. "we might as well get used to it."

[bogkeep]

in which i tell you about medieval timekeeping methods

ok we gotta start with BABYLONIAN TIME and SUNDIALS because this is the Foundation. this is what they used for thousands of years. pretty much every structure we have for understanding and conceptualizing time is based on The Movements Of The Universe - years, months, days, this is how we understand Time to pass. the sun and stars were used for keeping time since Always!!!! there were also multiple ways of keeping time with the Shadows of the sun, not just sundials, but also tablets to measure the length of shadows. And Such

BABYLONIAN TIME is twelve hours daylight, twelve hours nighttime. this makes very good sense considering Sundials, you just split the indicators into twelve parts. don't know why Twelve specifically other than that the babylonians liked it, but it is a very nice, divisible number, and its been kept as the base for all the hour keeping systems i've read about so far.

but yes this does mean that a babylonian hour does not have a set, static length like a modern hour does...! it changes with the seasons and the place, so a babylonian winter hour is different from, say, a winter hour in northern norway. it probably helps to be closer to the equator and reliable sunny weather.

until the invention of mechanical escapement clocks, babylonian time was The main, foundational understanding of timekeeping, BUT...!!!!!! the church put a spin on it. what the monasteries needed to keep time for was Prayer Times, which they had seven of and were based on the passion of the christ. so they signaled the Seven Canonical Hours, starting at sunrise, ending at sunset. church bells is also how people kept time, because you could hear them out in the fields. timekeeping was a bit of a wibbly wobbly art but accuracy wasn't That important.

the various methods used to keep time in addition to sundials included: the cock's crow, candles, hymns, incense, and water clocks. not hour glasses, as they were invented around the same time as mechanical clocks. isn't that wild!!!!!!!

WATER CLOCKS, also called clepsydra, are a diverse category of clocks ranging from a container with water dripping out of it at a steady pace, to complex hydraulic mechanisms with weights and stuff that i honestly have yet to grasp. the simple versions were used in classical greece + rome in the same way you'd use hourglasses, to keep track of speech time, watch time, et cetera. the islamic world + china were the ones to develop the complex water clocks. there's documentation of a water clock in gaza that had like, moving automata and stuff around year 500. there was a water driven astronomical clock in china around year 1000. water clocks made a comeback in europe around the 1100ds, and were getting more widespread use. like at least they work at night, unlike SOME dials

"mechanical clock" is a bit of a misnomer since water clocks were clearly also mechanical, and the exact time of invention of what we think of as mechanical clocks is Vague. the word "horologia" was used to refer to any kind of timekeeping device, including the noble rooster, so it's a bit of a semantic haze.

they had astrolabes, which Could be used to tell the time, but weren't used to do that in the daily life. scientists wanted to make an automated astrolabe for like, the Science, they just needed to invent the perpetuum mobile first and then combine them. obviously.

the missing piece for the MECHANICAL CLOCK was the escapement, the mechanism that regulates the time with which the gears turn. once they got this going, probably early 1300ds, they got the shows on the road. the shows being: the astronomical clock, and the public striking clock. these were considered different things, you see.

the astronomical clock is the Automated Astrolabe. it shows the movement of the sun and moon and stars and as a consequence, the Time. they had dials that people could read the time from, but they were generally considered objects of prestige and god's glory, kind of like cathedrals. they often had moving figures and such.

now, public clocks that mark the hours with sound, THAT'S a timekeeping device. they didn't even have clock faces at first, and it really is so interesting to think about how looking at a clock wasn't considered the main way to tell the time. these clocks seem to have originated in italian cities and spread from there, and this is where we get ITALIAN TIME.

to show babylonian time with a mechanical clock is impractical. the machinery is good at regular movement, to show babylonian hours you kind of need the astrolabe. so italian hours were static and unchanging in length. you had twenty four hours in a day, and the cut-off point was half an hour past sunset. that was the end of the twenty fourth hour, and a new calendar date begun.

of course, the time of the sunset keeps changing all the time As Well, so these clocks had to be adjusted for that Continuously. which was annoying but they still did it until the 17th century. this method was used in italy, bohemia, silesia and maybe poland? i'm unsure what they used outside these spaces at the time, if they stuck to the babylonian hours even with mechanical clocks and did complex maths about it.

at least the NUREMBERG CLOCK had its own take on it, even if it didn't spread beyond southern germany at all. they used babylonian hours, but instead of changing the length of an hour, they changed the amount. eight day hours and sixteen night hours in december, opposite in june. the tables needed for how many days with how many hours were very complex and annoying also.

the concept of starting a new calender day at midnight, and never needing to constantly adjust day hours or when the sunset begins, WAS known but only used for scientific and astronomical purposes. like that's such a weird way to split the day!!!!! twelve at MIDDAY?? WEIRD. some travellers noted that this was a very practical and elegant solution, though, but travel and far flung communication was still very slow, so mismatched timekeeping was more annoying than inconvenient. but anyway that's for the future to figure out

[everythingspokenfor]

Part 2

─ ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ─

You were in the middle of packing, taking photos off the walls and putting them away in boxes, piles of clothes littered on the floor based on whether you were taking them or donating.

"Didn't realise we weren't close enough, eh?" Bakugou said, arms crossed leaning against the wall of your room.

Startled you looked at him clutching the photos close to your chest."Knock at least Katsuki, you scared the shit out of me." You grumbled as you regained composure and turned back to the task at hand. Partially to get it done, mostly to avoid Bakugou's gaze while you had this unavoidable confrontation.

You should have told him you were moving out, it was a rational thing, you were friends infact best friends, had seen each other at worst, dealt with it too. Should have had an adult conversation about it. But what would have you said "Hey! Katsuki I am moving out because I am in love with you but you have a girlfriend and the sole thought of her makes me sick" yeah not a good argument or maybe evening worst you would just end up crying sobbing pathetically while pointing out you were there for him more but that's not how it works, you suppose. He deserves happiness, and you are glad he found it. You just wanted to find yours too.

"Haruki, your assistant, let it slip that you are moving", Bakugou snarled, nostrils flaring, fists tightening, tell-tale signs that he is not mad but disheartened.

"I was going to tell you", you defended, turning to face him.

"When? huh, when were you going to tell me?", He hissed "When everything was packed, and you had to bid farewell like some sort of formality?", He continued ,moving towards you, for the first time locking eyes and seeing the red-rimmed, swollen eyes your cheeks were sunken too. "What happened, peanut?", He questioned, pulling the photos from your hand and setting the to the side. "Did I do something? I'll fix it, fucks sake talk to me, tell what was it that made you run I'll fix it", He cupped your face and made you look at him.

"I don't think you can fix this one, Suki", you murmured, voice almost catching in your throat because you'll lose him, you'll lose his friendship. For a moment you wished you weren't in love with him, that you could be normal around him, could be a part of his life, let him be a part of yours. But, you had to fall in love with him, ruin whatever ever you had.

"This new apartment is closer to my agency, plus how long do we go about living here, Suki?", you said before woefully pulling yourself away from him, choosing to pack up remaining of things.

"You should have said something, I deserve to at least know, you know? I go to work and your assistant, fucking Haruki, is looking for couches for you.", He said bitterly,"He knew, he was informed, he was fucking involved, and I wasn't, aren't we close? is that fucker closer to you, huh tell me?" He gritted out.

"If you were any less busy with your fucking girlfriend, then maybe you would have helped me," you yelled, words almost getting clogged in your throat, anger finally taking over.

Both of you stare wide eyed at each other, truth finally out, you behaviour making sense to Bakugou, you can see the wheels turning in his head.

He moved closer to you, reaching out, but you pull away like it burns because if you were being honest it does, Bakugou winces at you withdrawal. Your anger, your distance, you silence making sense you heart finally bared open in front of him.

"If you can't tell me what I want to hear then you shouldn't say anything",you croaked, knowing that you are being selfish,"I want a confession Suki and not consolation", you finalized.

Bakugou looked at you before he left the room, perhaps you already knew his decision but that didn't make your heart hurt any less.

─ ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ── ・┈ ・ ─

[elljayvee]

The thing about the acting in that, is that I have seen that wild, confused, uncomprehending horror -- that look as he turns his head side-to-side just as he lifts her up -- on a human face in real life, exactly once, and I hope I never in my life see it again.

It was on the face of a friend, the day after her daughter died. She was sitting against the wall of her front hallway, making a sound that I can only describe as "I can't understand why I am still breathing, my daughter is not breathing, why am I still breathing" with her whole chest. Nothing made sense. She couldn't comprehend what was happening. Her entire body was rejecting it beyond any rejection I could encompass.

That was the look on her face.

I don't know what Karl Urban has seen or experienced or been told about that he could access that reaction as a performer, but it's one of the rawest and realest things I've ever seen in a film. It lasts maybe a second and it punches me breathless every time.

i dont think we give karl urban enough credit for his acting in this extended edition scene of eomer discovering eowyn in pelennor fields because. my goodness

[erinwantstowrite]

bear with me here because i'm gonna ramble about something i've been thinking about for a while... and i'm not complaining, i'm just noticing

sometimes i think we've leaned so far into the vigilante side of the batfam that we miss out on what really makes their characters: detective work. we need more mysteries in their lives that don't lead up to some big bad "we already know who's doing it" or an "end of the world" or "yet again: this fucking guy." we need more stuff where spy movie music plays in the background and dumb adventures that don't lead up to some huge grand event with a big name villain. the shock factor stops being shocking or interesting in any capacity if we're like "Gah! the Joker! ... Again!" or whatever

does that even make sense? like "yeah sure they're blowing up a building again and there's hostages. oh look they're gonna poison the water supply." these aren't bad and that's not what i'm getting at because obviously this is a classic for comics. you need to have characters/antagonists that show up more than once and who can make a story better by being in it. and i did say to bear with me- that's because im tired. so like i hope im getting this across the right way? it's just that sometimes i don't wanna see a huge explosion, i want these motherfuckers solving a regular murder or a disappearance or regular corruption in a local office without it being tied to a grand reveal like "actually this person knows you as a long lost relative" or "they were at that circus can you guess which night they went?" that kind of thing? if you get me? like... more of the small time stuff makes the big stuff important, it makes it stand out more. at some point, the format gets repetitive even if you're switching up the villains. you can make these situations/mysteries still fun to solve for the characters and fun to read for the audience if you do it right

the concept of a detective dressed as a bat and having a sidekick in traffic light colors is inherently goofy as hell??? but that is what is so charming about it??? i think we have lost the balance between them being silly while also being intelligent with important conversations that criticize the world as we see it and teach lessons and can go over dark topics. nowadays it's always end of the world problems or just straight up the most gruesome true crime you can think of?? or they can ONLY do the dark stuff and the criticism without offering a balance of the good in the world. or we keep coming back to the FUCKING JOKER-

like yes they are vigilantes and with that comes a different level of their work, but their brand should be a mix between a black and white detective film that can get very nitty gritty and a classic spy movie, that kind of thing. at the end of the day, it's what makes them so different from the superheroes. that's what appeals to me.

seeing them in the big superhero groups is fun, don't get me wrong. it's always funny to see them standing next to people who are so powerful they never really fit in with anyone but each other, who chose to step up and use their powers for good. the Bats' specialty is Gotham and yet here they are stopping a god or whatever. and they do stop the god or whatever, all the while being an important leader and strategist to their teammates. they're important to have in these cases. but if there's a world ending event every time i pick something up, it's not as fun

the fact that they are so very human and not fantastical is why i like reading them. it's what makes the joke of people, even Gotham citizens, theorizing about them being cryptids, funny. they're fucking weird but that's because they're detectives. people who love to solve mysteries usually have a fatal flaw of curiosity. they forget the bounds between social interactions sometimes because they're used to working through problems or being intertwined with partners that understand them. but they're very much human. so human that it hurts them in many ways. and idk i've just been thinking about it lately and idk what point i'm trying to get across actually

it's just that in my eyes that's how it really is for Batman- a black and white movie narrated by a very serious man who took up a job to help people, one that has a deeper commentary on the world and viewed outwardly as pessimistic but actually has a deep hope for his city and who tries to help even the people who have wronged others. He's a stationary man in the belief that him being a constant can serve to soothe others and help them move forward. He stays in the middle of the path so he can tell everyone what is up ahead. he blends into the Gotham rainy night to serve justice but in a way that saves both the victim and the perpetrator. (the way he tucks a Robin into his cape is the same he does for Gotham with his mere presence.) and his background is actually so important to his story and yet people still somehow gloss over the lesson from it? he lost his parents because of a man who was on the opposite end of the spectrum to where he was in life. and yet he chose to help the people like the man that killed his parents. he could have done anything else with his power and money, but he instead is choosing to bring as many people up with him as he can. He's Mr. Serious that no one else can get a read on. and yet he walks into a room and he's already piecing together your life and what you're going through because he thinks it matters. he comforts people who have lost something or someone or themselves. I picture Batman and I don't picture a man trying to save the world, I picture a detective walking around a crime scene and trying to save at least one person every time he puts on the cape. and he put on the cape and became a vigilante because then he could go out of the bounds of what laws have been set up- and specifically, Gotham has other people in power who are corrupt, keeping the system that way. that's why Batman being a billionare and throwing himself into helping people at the risk of his own life is so important. he knows that if you are alive, you have something or someone to lose, no matter who you are. the dude is a bleeding heart but he doesn't know how to express it, in fear that if he gets too close, if he moves down the path with them, he'll be lost again

and then he's met with someone who should be a complete opposite, but isn't at all, because they're two sides of the same coin. his partner in crime, his son, a boy that is nothing like the black and white world that he sees. and that's the point in his life where he first sees that potentially getting lost is worth the risk. Robin is color and passion that needs guidance to move forward, but can not do so unless the stationary man learns to move with him. the kid is loud and reckless and you'd think he's from a different genre from the detective but they aren't so different, really. not when you look close enough. Dick grew up moving from place to place and seeing the world, knowing so many different people from different cultures. He's been learning to fly and jump and embrace the free fall his entire life. He's clever and he's sharp, and he thrives in the action and adventure. it's that perspective that compliments the stationary man. one is steady and the other pushes. he's the same genre but a different generation. and Batman introducing him to the way of life he chose for himself was another way he could save someone. because let's be real for a second? Dick would have gone down a very dark path had he not had Bruce, who understood, who saw not just himself in the kid but also saw who the kid has been his entire life until now. he saw Dick's parents, he saw the family he had in the circus, he saw the joy he had in what his family was doing. he saw the grief and the fire and the color that Dick's world was made of. because to Bruce, it always matters. Dick had to come to terms with Bruce's perspective to help anyone who they come across, to always give more chances, and it kept Dick from losing his color

what gets me is that the man who lives in the black and white world can actually see many different shades of gray (because black and white always needs the medium), whereas the boy in a world of color and light can get so focused on the bright that he can become single minded. and yet the boy sees a world of color and delves deeper into the lives of the peolle they come across and can be much more open minded, and the man in the black and white world sometimes forgets the shades of grey are right there. they are just like each other. they can exist without the other, but do they want to? because the black and white can be built up into the colored image, like the inking and shadows drawn on a comic book page before the colors are added in. they meet in the middle to complete each other. Bruce has been passing the story over to the next generation for a long, long time, even before his story was complete. and just like with the first Robin, it was so for every Robin afterwards. they each color in the lines differently, but that's what makes Robin so special, so unique. they are an art style that branches into their own life, but can not forget where they started: tucked into Batman's cape and the inky black of his world

and so detective work really frames their hunanity to me. the mysteries they get their hands on, the glimpses into the lives of Gotham citizens that they swore to protect, it's fascinating. it's what makes their story stand out compared to the people who can lift trucks or cast spells or run around the world in seconds. so yeah ig that's what i'm trying to say? that i want to read more of that? in both canon and fanon. cause even the small time villains we see can be like. AWFUL people and it takes out the fun of their gimmicks. and if it were any other day this would be a more coherent post but alas, it is not any other day

[not-rigel]

Ain't no country boy quitter

MORE COWBOY/OUTLAW SEV

rating: E

warnings: smut, outlaw sevika, top sevika, rough sex, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, strap-on sex, praise, some descriptors used, BITING

WC: 2.3 k

this is part 2. part 1

Sleep is slowly starting to release its hold on you, control and sense of touch slowly returning to your body as you wake. You feel gentle presses to your neck along with little tickles of air. A few seconds later, you can recognize the feeling as Sevika kissing your neck. She feels the moment you wake up, feeling the shift in your breathing and heartbeat under her lips. 

“Howdy,” you greet her, voice groggy from sleep.  

Sevika chuckles into your skin. She hated being mistaken for a cowboy before you, any reference to the occupation made her roll her eyes. But you made her love it, made her want to buy a ranch and herd cattle sun-up till sundown. She already has a horse, so maybe the idea was close to reality and that made her happy. 

“Mornin’, sugar. You need more sleep? Know I kept you up plenty last night,” she kisses into your neck. You hum a low moan, feeling her plush lips press onto your pulse. 

“I was having a nice dream,” you muse. 

“Yeah?” 

“Was being kissed by an outlaw. Real pretty lady.” You're trying to flatter her though you don't need to. She's heard her name depart from your lips enough times last night to know what you think of her. 

“Let's get you back to your dream, sugar,” she says, shifting up to press her lips to yours. She has the softest lips you've ever known, capable of expressing so much through their touch. She pulls herself in close and cups your cheek, her thumb gently, somehow lovingly, strokes your skin. You're still completely bare from last night's activities and her breasts caress yours. Still half-asleep, you weakly pull her in closer to you by her lower back. Your hand remains there, holding her to you.

The two of you meld together in the kiss, bodies and souls feeling light. You want to make this moment last forever, stay like this for however long you can. But eventually you have to separate from her to breathe. 

“Can this be the type of dream where you melt into me?” you propose, knowing she can make the impossible possible. 

Sevika kisses your cheek,“It's your dream, sweetheart. Tell me what you want.” You try to think it over but all you can focus on is how wonderful her touch is. Her skin radiates warmth and comfort. 

“Is there anything you want?” you ask her, unable to decide. 

“I want what you want,” she answered simply. 

“You really know how to put on the charm, cowboy.”

“I’m dead serious sugar, I’m all about pleasure. Need to satisfy you.” Her hand leaves your face, trailing down your neck and collarbone. She returns to the kiss, her large, plump lips covering yours. Your breath hitches as she paws at your tit. She gropes your breasts, devouring each of your moans into her mouth. All of your reactions fuel her, make her entire body buzz with passion and excitement. 

Your hips grind against nothing, seeking stimulation. She shifts to press her thigh between your legs and your thighs immediately spread to welcome her. The kiss grows hungrier as you grind against her, tenderness replaced with lust. 

Your arousal is leaking onto her thigh and it helps you grind faster against her. Sevika flexes her thigh and you feel it on your clit. Your hand on her back clenches and your fingernails press into her skin. You almost miss it but she lets out a short whimper. The sound goes right to your nervous system, lighting all your nerves and your spine and your brain. You need more. You dig your nails into her skin and she fully moans into your mouth. 

“Dammit, sugar. You figured out my secret,” she chuckles. She loves being marked, bitten, scratched, having her hair pulled. Any evidence that she made you feel so good that you can't help but tear away at her. 

“I was hopin’ you'd like it a little rough,” you giggle, you loved her gentleness and sweetness from last night but you need this woman to ruin you. You need her to fuck you until you only know two words, ‘please’ and her name. 

“How rough do you want me?” She's testing your limits, needing to know exactly what she needs to do to make you fall apart for her. She needs to give you the most perfect blend of pleasure. 

“I don't want you to hurt me but I want you to push my limits. Something just tells me you know how to make me scream your name until I forget it,” you challenge. 

“That I can do,” she smirks, pressing one last peck to your lips. She presses kisses down your jaw then moves down to your throat. She pinches your nipple, trying to get you to react. Your reaction is better than she hoped, moaning and grinding harder onto her thigh. Kissing your neck as you moan is a delight Sevika wishes she had known sooner. She moves her lips over to the other side of your neck, her tongue licks your skin as she starts placing hickeys onto you. Each suck onto your skin makes your body jolt and cunt pulse with arousal. 

Her lips begin to trail down to your collarbone. Sevika doesn’t rush in her path and it makes you shiver. She lets out a low growl as she hears you moan and places hickeys against your skin. Your breasts are all she can focus on, taking mouthful after mouthful of your softness into her mouth. Sucking marks not even an inch apart then kissing them over. She tweaks your nipples every now and again, getting all her favorite reactions from you. 

“Sevika,” you groan. She separates from your breast, looking up to see your eyes pleading with her for more. You push her head down, trying to shove her between your legs. Well, Sevika is less shoved and more following your directions, allowing you to think you have the strength to move her. 

She settles between your thighs, turning her head away from where you want it. You had no clue that asking her to push your limits would translate to teasing but you trusted she knew what she was doing. 

She kisses the inside of your thighs, which are quivering with want. Every time she gets close enough to your entrance, her lips move away. She switches back and forth between your right and left thigh, working the stimulation up before she devours you.  

“You are a treasure,” she sighs against your inner thigh, her breath tickles your heated skin. 

Sevika ceases her teasing, parting your folds with her tongue. Each stroke pushes heavy moans out your mouth. Sevika can't think of anything better than this. You filled all her senses. Your taste on her tongue and musk filling her nose. Your thighs squeezing her head. Your pubic hairs tickled her nose and some stuck in her mouth. Your desperate pleas above her for more are the sweetest sound she'll ever hear. Your beautiful eyes are blinking down at her, fighting to stay open as she slips two fingers into you. 

“Please please fuck.. Sevika,” you whine as her fingers begin to fuck you. 

Her movements are stronger and more forceful than last night and your cunt is grateful, drooling onto her in appreciation. She's attuned to every twitch of your muscles, adjusting to each little reaction, desperate to please. When your cunt squeezes her fingers, she strokes your sweet spot faster to make you clench harder. You grip a fistful of her hair to tug it and she groans against you. The sharp pain is fuel to her desire. 

It's brutish by Sevika's standards, how she locks her mouth onto your clit to suck on it while driving her fingers into you. She's learned the exact pressure you need to cum and she goes over that limit. Sevika reaches a rhythm, tending to your clit with an earned amount of knowledge. You rock your hips toward her, desperate for more of her ferocity. 

Her fingers will not slow down until you've cum and you don't have far to go. You don't hear that her moans turned into growls, resounding from deep in her throat. She's ready for you to fall apart, pouring herself entirely into pleasuring you. You clench around her again and she increases the pressure on your g-spot. 

Your orgasm is slow, it spreads across your body from where the concentration is highest. Your body is a conduit, dispersing the heat until you're covered in its comfort. All her teasing proves it's worth, making your orgasm plateau higher than usual. She removes her fingers and mouth from you when your orgasm is through. 

“Be right back, hon,” she says, giving you a quick kiss then leaves the bed to retrieve a couple items. She finds her hat on the floor, discarded from last night. She sets it onto her head and you giggle at your sweet outlaw. She retrieves her strap-on and steps into the harness. 

“Don't ever wake me up from this dream,” you sigh, watching her tighten the straps onto her hips. Sevika is almost too perfect to be true, so handsome and pretty and charming. 

“Sugar, I'm starting to think this is my dream,” she admists, appreciating the vision of loveliness laying on her bed. She joins you on the bed, covering your body with hers. 

“This is the only thing I'll ask you for. If I'm making you feel good, please tell me. If you're lovin’ how I make you feel… Can you bite me, scratch me, or pull my hair? And if you hate the idea, just say no,” she offers. If she is going to be rough with you, you have full permission to be twice as rough back. Her fingers gather some of your cum dripping from your cunt, then spreads it over her dick.

“How hard? Don't wanna hurt my favorite cowboy.” 

“As hard as you need, sweetheart. You ain't gon’ harm me,” she confirms. Sevika shifts her hips and the firm tip of her dick pressed against your slit. She pushes in at a comfortable speed, watching your cunt swallow her inch by inch. The feeling of her entering takes your breath.

“Breathe, darlin’,” she encourages, and you force your chest to fill with air. 

When you've taken a couple healthy breaths she starts her thrusts. She goes at a comfortable pace, fucking her entire length into you with pauses between each push. You wrap your legs around her hips and pull her entirely into you. 

“Not to question your methods but I'm ready for you to ruin me. Push my limits,” you permit, allowing her freedom to fuck you roughly. 

“My apologies, I was wanin’ to find that limit before making a bastard of it.” 

She harshens her movement, fucking harder and faster. Nowhere near her full strength but you wouldn't know the difference at the moment. You could only let out choked gasps as she thrusted into you, somehow pushing even deeper than before. Each stroke was hard and precise, her dick insistent with every plunge into you. You’re looking at her wide-eyed while she fucks you and she loves it. Loves how your eyes just plead for more as she ruins you. Sevika feels all your pleasure heat her body. It brought her pleasure. 

“You make me feel so good,” she groans, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“Fuck, f-fuck… you feel s'good,” you try to echo but your words are stuttered.

Sevika is overwhelmed with the need to be sweet to you, it's who she is. She's a proper gentlewoman but she also needs to fulfill your wants. She keeps her harsh pace but kisses you gently on the cheek, whispering sweet nothings into your skin. 

“I could stay here forever with you. Nothing else exists right now.” 

Another kiss to your cheek paired with a particularly hard thrust. 

“You're like a dream come true.”

More kisses to your cheek and her mechanical hand reaches down to swipe your clit. 

“You're beautiful, absolutely beautiful.” 

Her kisses shift to your tightly shut eyelids and her hand works circles over your clit. 

“Sev! Keep fucking me! Keep fucking me!” you chant, close from her relentless fucking and sweet words. 

In losing your mind to her fucking you, you forgot that she asked you to bite her if you love how she makes you feel. You turn your head to wrap your teeth around any flesh you can find. You experimentally bite at her jaw, hard enough to feel the flesh give. 

“Harder,” Sevika whimpers, her voice is like you've never heard it before. It's light and airy as she breathes out the request. You bite harder onto her and her moan comes from deep within her, probably the deepest you've ever heard from her. Knowing you did that to her pushes you from close to right on the edge. One more thrust from her and you're falling. You move your mouth from her jaw to her neck, needing more flesh to anchor into. You don't think about how hard you're biting her, only that you're communicating your orgasm through it. 

“Shit! I'm cumming. You're making me fucking cum,” she wails, her hips are stuttering and breaking their pace. A few more thrusts and her body goes limp atop yours. She's crushing you but it's the best feeling in the world. It's the most you've felt of her and you still need more. You recover before she does, stroking her cheek from where her head rests by yours. 

“I need you closer,” you whisper to her. 

“Don't see how I can get any closer, sugar,” she mumbles, still not recovered from her orgasm. 

“I need you so close. Want you to crawl inside my chest and lay down right next to my heart. I need you that close,” you tell her. It might be a bit grotesque and odd but you mean it. She's never going to be close enough to you. Even with her still buried inside you and her weight pressing you into the bed, she'll never be close enough. 

taglist

@archangeldyke-all   @geewillikers80085  @maneskinwh0re  @sevikellsss

divider by @cafekitsune

[shadyr4m]

REWATCHING SEASON 2 EPISODE 7 OF ARCANE

+ some of my highlights and notable moments that I enjoyed bc people can’t understand media anymore

This is mostly an infodump of stuff I can fit into a twitter thread/didn't rly want to make into a thread. I'm not great at words so I apologize in advance, I am sure there are many people much better at analysis than I.

I want to start off by saying I am heavily invested in timebomb so this is very much going to be a ship analysis. If you're looking for someone unbiased i am very much not the person for that 😭

FIRST OFF:

The disc on the music box is adorable!!! It features au Powder (who I am going to refer to as just Powder for the duration of my analysis) and au Ekko

Compared to the normal Disc

This is very obviously because it takes place in a different universe, one without Vi or "Jinx".

The first scene starts off with AU Ekko writing in his notebook. (Cute mention is Powder's doodle in his notebook!!) Then we see flashes of the wild rune. This is when AU Ekko switches to canon Ekko.

Also one of my favorite silly images from this episode is this one.. Powder is being so adorable and Ekko is just scared out of his MIND. it's so silly.

In the Last drop, Powder asks Ekko. "What is up with you? You've been out of it all day?". One thing I noticed in my rewatch is that i think Powder is aware this Ekko isn't HER Ekko. This is just one instance of many that makes me think this.

This hideout seems so much more vibrant and loved, similar to Jinx's hideout after Isha. It's colorful. There are guard rails that I like to think was pushed by Vander. We can see Ekko's art scattered around. It just shows how much more support and family Powder has compared to Jinx, which i mention a lot.

Id also like to note Ekko being shocked au him went to powder for help. In his mind at this time he believes Jinx to be all that is left, no more Powder. Through out the episode we see that change.

Notice how Powder gets upset at Ekko in this scene. However, she doesn't react explosively like Jinx would've. She handled it in a way that shows she had support. She told him to leave instead. Again, the main difference between Powder and Jinx isn't only Vi but also the existence of multiple support systems that Jinx simply didn't have.

THIS FLASHBACK! Oh my god this flashback. The fact it happened after he upset Powder? I think it shows just how much he truly cares about Jinx/Powder. He remembers VIVIDLY the day that he thought he killed her. Jinx was his childhood best friend, and I don't think that kind of feeling ever truly goes away. He doesn't want to hurt any version of her, not even the alternate universe her. We see that showcased more later on. Also, random probably insane note. He is interrupted by small children playing, having fun. This isn't a coincidence, it shows he does miss the moments from when they were kids.

While talking with Heimerdinger, we see Ekko look at Powder multiple times. Watching her laugh and be expressive, he smiles. When she doesn't return it we see him get upset. Once more this brings me to my point that he doesn't want to hurt her. Considering he hasn't known this Powder very long you can see where I gather my point that he doesn't want to hurt her in GENERAL. Any version of her.

THIS SCENE!! He is such a bad liar it's adorable. This brings me to my earlier point, Powder knows what's up!! She suspects something 100%. He is talking about this dream her like it was real.

"You aren't the kind of person who helps other people with their projects. Your ideas change the world. I can't shake the feeling that that's who you're supposed to be."

Are you LISTENING TO THIS? He is obviously talking about Jinx. You can tell this by the first sentence because obviously Powder IS that kind of person. He's starting to see that Jinx is just a part of Powder, one that is unavoidable and that he unknowingly appreciates in a sense. Like two sides of one coin he can't see Powder without Jinx and that is good. I think it is here he realizes truly just how much he cares about Jinx.

This whole montage is beautiful but I want to zero in on two things. Powder's reaction to the notebook and how she looks at Ekko after. NOW THIS. This is the nail in the coffin for her. She knows that this is not her Ekko. She has fully gathered that he isn't from this universe.

Also heimerdinger totally knows how Ekko feels you cannot tell me otherwise. Pushing him to go to the party? yeah he knows what you are.

THIS WHOLE SCENE. I AM NOT ANALYZING THE WHOLE THING HERE BUT IT IS GORGEOUS. I saw someone talking about how it was animated on 4's to signify the way Ekko can only go back 4 seconds and I honestly shed a tear. THE SONG TOO? I encourage everyone to look at the lyrics because they're beautiful.

Okay now for my favorite part of this episode so much to dissect and i'm totally going to mansplain but yk..

"I used to dream the undercity could be like this" — That sets the tone for the whole conversation and just what world he is talking about. The canon one.

"But somewhere, I got consumed by all the ways it wasn't. I gave up on it. Gave up on YOU." — Heavy emphasis on this line. Once more he is talking about Jinx. He is talking about how he got so consumed by the way that Jinx wasn't good, and he gave up on her. Believed she was irredeemable. Powder showed him that Jinx is capable of love and happiness, it's just under that tough protective shell. The undercity in the metaphor is Jinx, from my interpretation.

"I promise i'll never forget this." — Now time for my insanity. He doesn't forget this. That's why he saves Jinx from ending her life in the first place. He remembers Powder and knows that with the right support Jinx doesn't have to be the way she is. It's not that she "needs to be fixed" she just needs to be LOVED, like Powder. He sees that now. He sees how in the au the love that everyone shares for one another shaped the undercity beautifully, and made everyone in it much healthier mentally despite going through hardships. That is beautiful. People with mental illness are not unlovable they just need more support, it can't be cured, or fixed just healed. Mental illness is always there it is how you DEAL with it that matters.

Nothing too major to talk about with the kiss. It's sweet I love it, but nothing too notable for me to say about it.

Finally, Ekko leaves the au. I have seen people say that this is a sacrifice, he could've had everything he wanted and he gave it up to save the people at home. But i take insanity to another level. I see this as him appreciating his home. He knows he can never truly love this Powder because she isn't the version he fell in love with. He learned to appreciate Jinx even through her flaws, and that while this world has everything he could want and more he can have that home too.

I am experiencing HEAVY timebomb brainrot if you can’t already tell. I was tired of people taking things in the complete wrong way with this episode, if anyone has different views pls tell me I love hearing how other people took certain scenes. there are a few scenes I love but I would’ve made this post way too long..

[aloeverawrites]

Also I feel like the experience of being trans for a lot of us which is "I have been raised to believe I'm this gender.... but oh I'm actually another gender. Cool." Is definitely a transition? Like you've gone from thinking you're a man to knowing you're a woman that's a jump. There's a change there. You don't have to do anything to prove that.

Like, trans women are women right? And cis women are women. Some cis women go by he/him pronouns, go on T, dress masculine but still identify as women. So it wouldn't really make sense to call them gnc males right? That kind of just sounds like we're calling them men, but they're not they're women. So a trans woman who presents masc is still a woman. They transitioned from identifying as a man to identifying as a woman. Just like any other trans woman. The only difference is how they look.

It just feels like you're being excluded from the trans community when people want to call you something other then trans, you know?

Like if someone wouldn't go on hormones and we just called them gnc, well that would be hurtful.

And if these trans people wanted to come up with another term to help find others like themselves well that's alright, but that's for them to decide. And it's much better to add something then take a label away that might be really improtant to someone.

We just probably shouldn't decide to rename a group of people that we're not part of, especially not when it can be hurtful.

I don't think you're a trans ally until you accept trans people who don't want to transition. And I don't just mean medically.

I mean trans men who look indistinguishable from cis women and trans women who look indistinguishable from cis men and they're happy like that. Who have no intention of changing their style, presentation, or even pronouns.

Some women don't look like the stereotypical idea of "woman" and it's the same for men. But they're still men and women. I need you to understand that gender has no bearing on appearance and people's comfort in their own bodies is more important than the fictional idea of what manhood and womanhood looks like.

And, yes, some people can't transition due to disability or funds or whatever and they're included in this, yes. But you need to accept people who don't want to either. Who willingly make the choice to not transition in any way because that's how they're the most comfortable.

A trans person who doesn't transition is just as much their gender as anyone else of that same gender. Please get that through your head.

To any trans men who don't want to transition or change their appearance in any way: You're a man. You've always been a man. You will always be a man.

To any trans women who don't want to transition or change their appearance in any way: You're a woman. You've always been a woman. You will always be a woman.

The way your body looks doesn't matter in the slightest, your gender is real and legitimate and valid regardless of any other factors.

[gothghostiie]

hiiii i absolutely LOOOVVVEEEEE your bully soap i want to eat him grahhh

do you have any thoughts/hcs for bully gaz/ghost???

i dont think we can call john price (and maybe ghost too) a bully bcs its not fitting due to their ranking/age so i will just say abuse of authority

love youuuuu, hope you have a good dayyy

love u too, i hope u have an amazing day anon

cw: bullying/harassment and whatever comes with it, sexual harassment, mentions/hints of violence, dead dove do not eat, gn!reader

okay so. Gaz is a more subtle bully imo?? like where soap will go full out he doesn't. more the type to go from a distance, making you feel anxious and having a sense of fear well up in you whenever he's close - even if he never really did anything genuinely bad to you. yet. whispers to his friends, chuckles, judgy looks, the type of highscool bully that calls you over to act friendly with you, forcing an arm around your shoulder and tries to talk to you while his friends laugh at whatever answer you give. he wants to embarrass you, humiliate you in a mental aspect instead of physical. but hes definitely not above pushing you around a bit, or grabbing you a little too harshly so you stay with him. he's definitely forced his tongue down your throat too (he laughed at how fucking helpless and taken aback you were).

ghost isnt quite what youd call a bully, he's a step further even. "only i can bully them" typa thing (the boys are usually an exception). will stare you down until you get so uncomfortable you leave, just to follow you and corner you, feeling you up. either doesn't talk at all - he knows he's intimidating without words. big arms crossed as he makes you stumble against the wall, begging softly to just let you go your way, but he just states you down. puts an arm against the wall to cage you, silent judging is all you get. only when someone else comes along he roughly pushes you on your way, glaring like you just did something to him. you don't even wanna know what happens if he ever gets his hands on you long enough.

now captain price isn't a bully. he's too old for that, it's too immature for him (he just abuses his position). however, LT. Price is a different story. was bullied himself when he first joined, got so desperate to move up the food chain that he decided someone else had to suffer in favour of him. it did work, suddenly he wasn't bullied anymore, he became a bully. definitely very physical. the worst was when he was a Sergeant, he'd regularly beat people up - and then you came along. shy, quiet, loner. how could he not want to absolutely bruise your pretty skin?

───── ⋆⋅Taglist⋅⋆ ─────

@maplewhisk

[meanbossart]

I do not know how to phrase this in any way other than blunt. Does Bhaalist!Drow mostly top instead?

I think initially, the dynamics would be the same - very much versatile without much emphasis on penetrative sex anyways (this is a couple of orally-fixated men). Psych deep-dives aside, I don't overthink the minute dynamics and interactions they have while being intimate, and neither do they.

However, I think some of that fluidity would be lost over time. I guess it would make sense to assume DU drow ends up with a slightly more dominant role just by the nature of Astarion not wanting to put the effort in. But I don't know! It doesn't matter that much. He'd still be an asshole in this AU even if he bottomed 100% of the time.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

I need any girls of you choice with a reader who doesn't understand what the word fetish means and thinks it's another word for hobby or activity. Thus reader well say stuff like "Hey you wanna try out this new fetish with me."

(H:SR/GoV: NIKKE/Genshin Impact) Their S/O not knowing what "fetish" means

Honkai Star Rail: Bronya, Seele, Serval Goddess of Victory NIKKE: Anis Genshin Impact: Ayaka, Lisa, Eula, Xianyun

Quoth the Bae, of Hololive English Promise:

"What is a fetish? If you really think about it , the negative connotation of fetish just doesn't make logical sense don't you agree? I just think if you have your preferences you can have your own preferences and that's completely fine but like asking for someone's fetish just seems like you're prying into something but it shouldn't really feel that way? Also eyes and thighs"

Bronya was in the middle of drinking tea and filling paperwork before hearing the question that made her heart stop for a few seconds.

(S/O) "Bronya, would you care to try this fetish of mine?"

(Bronya) "HRK?!-"

Her hands fumble with the cup, causing some of it to spill over in the ground as she violently rocks in her seat, coughing as her eyes widened.

S/O quickly rushed over to her, one hand on her back and shoving some important documents aside as Bronya attempted to stabilize herself.

(S/O) "Bronya, what's wrong?!"

Bronya's face quickly scrunches up with embarrassment, quickly turning red as her voice cracked.

(Bronya) "What kind of question is that S/O? How can you discuss that so openly?!"

(S/O) "I-Is it that weird to paint out in public?"

...What?

(Bronya) "Paint?-...S/O, when you say fetish, what do you?-"

(S/O) "As in hobby? I overheard some of the people from Wildfire say it before."

Bronya blinks a few times before sighing, both her hands slowly dragging down her face before shaking her head.

(Bronya) "Dear...that's...not what that word means..."

(S/O) "What does it mean then?"

Bronya inhaled, trying her best to keep her composure that was snapped in half like a twig before her eyes shifted to the floor, fingers twiddling.

(Bronya) "I-It means..." ahem "...A certain activity or object you like when you are...intimate..."

(S/O) "Inti-?"

In an instant, S/O understood before their face looked similar to Bronya, the couple standing still completely red.

(S/O) "Oh..."

She thanked the Gods above that there were no guards currently in her room right now, lest they get the very wrong idea.

...Not that she was opposed to trying some things out, but this was her main office! Hardly the time and place!

(Bronya) "...Pray tell, who exactly gave you the definition of this word?"

(S/O) "W-Well, it was-"

Seele regrets saying the word fetish off handedly around S/O.

Forgetting that they came from the prim and proper SIlvermane Guard, they didn't know the meaning of such a vulgar word.

Or more accurately, they were a bunch of softies who couldn't bear to hear something so normal in the Underworld.

Regardless, S/O thought it meant something entirely different because Seele was not ready for the question:

(S/O) "Wanna join me in a fetish I've been wanting to try, Seele?"

(Seele) "Hm? Sure-...WHAT?"

Seele immediately spun around, heart racing as she eyed S/O up and down.

They were in the middle of the streets right now! She sincerely prayed that they weren't about to-

Was that a notebook and pencil they were holding?

(S/O) "Seele? Is something the matter?"

(Seele) "Yeah, somethings the matter! Just what the hell do you think that word means?!"

(S/O) "W-Well, I thought it meant activity, or-"

Well, S/O technically wasn't wrong.

(Seele) "Ugh, l-listen! Just...don't go saying that around in public! And just use the word 'hobby' like a normal person!"

(S/O) "So, what does it mean then?"

(Seele) "I'm NOT explaining that in public just...just wait till we get home, alright?!"

She spun around, mostly to make sure S/O didn't see her blushing.

Serval was in the middle of strumming her guitar idly, trying to make sure that it was tuned correctly when S/O came through the door.

(Serval) "S/O! What's up?"

S/O smiled at Serval, closing the workshop door behind her and taking a seat beside the rockstar.

(S/O) "Hey! I hope you don't mind me asking a favor."

Serval tittered, waving a hand nonchalantly in response before going back to adjusting the tuning again.

(Serval) "Not at all. What can I help with?"

(S/O) "A new fetish I want to try-"

A comically loud and out of tune note echoed throughout the shop as Serval's finger stopped flicking mid-motion, her eyes almost bulging out her skull.

The noise startled S/O, but not nearly as much as they had startled her.

(Serval) "Run that by me again, S/O?"

(S/O) "Y-Y'know. A, um...fetish. I want to try this particular song with you-"

(Serval) "Okay, okay! Hold up a second!"

Putting down her guitar and brushing the bangs that had fallen onto her face, she grabbed both their shoulders while she felt her face heat up.

(Serval) "S/O, are you and I thinking of the same word right now?"

(S/O) "I'm just talking about wanting to try an instrument out?"

(Serval) "And...there's no innuendo here, right?"

(S/O) "Does...fetish not think what I think it means?"

Serval gave an exacerbated sigh, though she couldn't help the smile that was forming as well.

(Serval) "Hah, not in the slightest."

S/O was such an idiot.

And by god, Serval was glad S/O was her idiot.

Anis spits out the soda she was drinking, not bothering to clean up as she spun around to S/O.

(Anis) "WOAH! W-When did you get so bold?!"

S/O was stunned by Anis's reaction, but she wasn't able to scan in any increase in heartrate.

Did they just get augmented to become extremely brave, or?-

(S/O) "I didn't think you'd get so worked up over model building, Anis."

...Okay, no they were just stupid.

Anis slumped back down on the couch, facepalming before cleaning up the soda that was covering the table.

(Anis) "S/O, fetish isn't some ol-timey word for hobby!...Well, for decent folk, anyway."

(S/O) "So what's it-"

(Anis) "Agh! L-Look, don't ask me!"

Her core quickly heating up, her fingers fidgeted as she did her best to look everywhere except at S/O.

(Anis) "Go ask Rapi or Ne-N-NO! DON'T ASK NEON! JUST...Just ask the Commander, or something!"

(S/O) "O-Okay? I didn't offend you or something, did I?"

(Anis) sigh "No, but...look it's something you don't ask in the middle of the lobby, okay? It means something pretty...dirty!"

(S/O) "Since when did you care about that kind of thing?"

(Anis) "WHEN MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND IS ASKING ME TO TRY A FETISH ON THEM, OKAY?!"

(Neon) "WOAH! You're doing what?!"

(Commander) "...Is this a bad time to come in?"

(Rapi) "Perhaps we should take a break and leave the outpost for a while, sir-"

(Anis) "N-NO! YOU'RE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA!"

Ayaka gasped at S/O's question, a hand going over her chest before stammering out a response.

(Ayaka) "Huh?! S-S/O! W-We can't discuss something so...degenerate out in the open!"

(S/O) "W-Wine tasting?"

Now Ayaka let out a small squeak. She knows she's heard something to do with wine tasting in the bedroom.

(Ayaka) "S/O, please!"

(S/O) "Hang on a second, Ayaka! I don't think you're understanding what I mean!"

For once, Ayaka thinks she knows something that S/O didn't outside of her duties.

That being the true meaning of a word that she found much too dirty to use.

(Ayaka) "S/O, do you know what that word is?"

(S/O) "Hobbies, right?"

(Ayaka) "I'm...afraid not, love."

Looking around to make sure no one was around, she leaned over to S/O's ear before whispering the meaning.

Which doing so caused her to become just as red as S/O.

Lisa honestly doesn't know if she's disappointed or amused by the fact S/O asked her to try a fetish without knowing what it really means.

Maybe a little bit of both, but it didn't fail to get her to laugh anyway, Lisa covering her mouth by balling up a gloved hand.

And their confusion, accompanied by that cute tilt of their head and slight pout, got her to laugh even more.

(Lisa) "Sorry, sorry! Not laughing at you, cutie."

(S/O) "So, what are you laughing about then?"

(Lisa) "Well...that particular choice of phrasing, really. You do know what that word means, right?"

(S/O) "What, fetish?"

(Lisa) "Mhm."

S/O crossed their arms before sighing.

(S/O) "I saw it in a book, though the sentence it was used in was pretty vague. I know it means something to do with an activity, from context clues anyway."

(Lisa) "That book must have been very flowery in its language if you could only pick that up from the context."

Before making a mental note to check out the book S/O was reading, Lisa puts one hand under her chin as her elbow rests on the table.

(Lisa) "Allow me to tell you the definition proper, S/O...Rather, I'll show you it."

Later that evening, S/O did know what the word meant, one sore body later.

Eula goes bright red at the question, immediately raising an eyebrow at S/O.

(Eula) "Is this some kind of joke, S/O?!"

Seeing S/O only laugh in reaction confirmed her suspicions. They were teasing her!

(Eula) "Hmph! Trying to get a rise out of an elegant woman such as I will only earn you my vengeance, S/O!"

(S/O) "My apologies, miss Eula! I did not know that a mere painting could get you so flustered!"

So, it was that kind of painting? Eula had no idea S/O was so...perverted!

(Eula) "Any right person would be, if asked! If you desire a nude model, then-"

Immediately, she noticed how red they got.

(S/O) "W-Woah! Hang on, I meant a regular painting! Like of a smile, or something like that!"

Eula paused for a moment, then furrowing her brows again.

(Eula) "Did you not just ask me to try a fetish with you?"

(S/O) "As in, hobby? Isn't that just a fancy word for it?"

...Oh.

(Eula) "N-Not in any circle I know."

Well, Eula certainly didn't want to be the one to explain it.

Xianyun is relatively unaffected by S/O's question as she adjusts her glasses.

She's rather thankful of S/O being so straightforward about the request, less trying to decipher or beat around the bush for her.

(Xianyun) "One is not opposed, S/O. What fetish would you like to attempt?"

(S/O) "Great! See, I really want to try swimming as fast as I can versus one of your inventions!"

(Xianyun) "...A competition against One's contraptions is enough to stimulate you?"

(S/O) "I imagine it would! If it's made by you, then it's going to give me a challenge!"

Xianyun is honestly touched, that something made by her would get S/O that excited.

Who is she to deny her lover such a request?"

(Xianyun) "One will oblige! Let us head towards the beaches and find a worthy space to try it out."

...

Later as she watched her contraption race against S/O to a nearby rock, gliding against the waters, she heard footsteps behind her.

(Lumine) "Cloud Retainer?"

(Xianyun) "Ah, you return! One is pleased to see you doing well. Though you come at a rather...intimate moment, I believe."

Paimon blinked into existence next to her companion, waving hello excitedly.

(Paimon) "Hiya!...What's S/O doing?"

(Xianyun) "They are indulging themselves in a fetish of theirs."

(Lumine) "HUH?"

(Paimon) "W-WOAH! Did Paimon hear that right?!"

(Xianyun) "One is certainly not to judge. In fact, One can appreciate their openness about the subject matter."

Lumine and Paimon did a double take at what S/O was doing, then back to Xianyun.

...Either she didn't know what it meant, or-

S/O returned to shore a moment later, still clothed in a wetsuit that Xianyun had created and waved hello to the Traveler and Paimon.

(S/O) "Oh, hey you two!"

(Paimon) "Uh...hi?"

(Lumine) "S/O, Xianyun just told us you were...involved in a fetish?"

(S/O) "Yeah! I wanted to see if she could make a machine that was faster than me at swimming!"

(Xianyun) "Are mortals not accustomed to speaking so openly about it to their lovers?"

(Paimon) "P-Paimon guesses? But...do you know what it means?"

(Xianyun) "Naturally. A sexual desire of the partner-"

(S/O) "WHAT?!"

(Xianyun) "...Oh. Well, that certainly explains why you were so calm about it-"

(Lumine) "...I should go-"

[mantis-lizbian]

okay, y'know what? let's go into this same. ignoring all the rules in 5e that i think are dumb, an itemized list with explanations. obviously, my list won't necessarily be the same as everyone's, but it'll illustrate the problem with suggestion in a practical sense, not just as a structural critique from the standpoint of game design, which i know a lot of people don't actually care about.

bare in mind that these are going to be criticisms with regards to the kind of game D&D 5e is and wants to be, and are largely going to use other editions of D&D as points of comparison, rather than other TTRPGs as a whole, just because to do so i feel could easily approach "i want a game about a witch looking for lost pets in the Alps" type stuff. no sense in criticizing D&D for not being Monsterhearts or GURPS, after all.

classes are too simple. any given berserker barbarian is functionally indistinguishable from another. for some classes, even different archetypes don't offer enough variation from each other to feel meaningfully distinct. here's a challenge: take your party of four and make an entire 6th-level party using only one class in each of 3.x, 4e, and 5e. depending on the class you choose, you may have more or less difficulty, but in two of those, you generally can manage to make four characters who can all function in a party together without feeling like clones of each other, and perhaps even able to actually complement each other.

classes are too complicated. for the most part, AD&D, BECMI, OD&D and the like, classes only have a couple of fairly basic features, most of which are granted from 1st level. this means that if a character dies, you can roll up a brand new one and jump straight back into play that same session. not being able to do this makes everyone, even the GM, resistant to allowing a character to die, defanging one of the only meaningful consequences to losing combat inherent to the mechanics.

battle master fighters restrict everyone's options in combat. if you're playing a melee combatant, there's very little you can do apart from run up to your chosen enemy and smack them in the face with your weapon until they die. disarming, feinting, tripping... these were all things any character could do in 3e, as outlined by the rules, and these things were possible in AD&D and the like because they weren't explicitly spelled out in the mechanics. the GM is free to adjudicate how to handle these maneuvers as they see fit, but because they aren't explicitly granted to a specific kind of character, they aren't implicitly denied to everyone else.

ability scores do not matter outside of Dexterity and whichever one your class cares about, and specific circumstances dependent on which saves are being targeted. 4e did start this, but even it made a conscious effort to make every class care about at least two scores alongside Dexterity, outside of saves. in AD&D, every score determined a number of things independent of your class (with the exception of Intelligence and Wisdom, if you weren't a spellcaster). and 3e required you to spend character resources (feats, specifically) to do things like use Dexterity on melee attack rolls, and even then it couldn't be added to damage, so there was still value to Strength even if you fought exclusively using daggers. all of this results in making it so that if you're using point-buy to determine ability scores, there is no meaningful mechanical consequence you can count on having to contend with for dropping every score to 8 so you can pump the ones you care about up to their maximum (in fact, i suspect that 5e makes point-buy cap out at 15 specifically to prevent players from doing exactly this to pump their two important scores to 18). unless you're a barbarian, even Constitution isn't as important as it should be, given the ingrained hesitancy 5e's design creates towards letting characters die.

only a couple of feats are actually better than taking the ability score boost, until you hit that cap of 20. even fewer are ever going to be meaningfully applicable to the same character as another, meaning that altogether, depending on what you were able to boost your class's main ability score to, by level 12 or so... you're likely to feel like meaningful pickings are slim for what to do with your remaining ASIs. it also becomes clearly apparent that the reason feats are an optional replacement for an ASI isn't so much an attempt to simplify the game compared to 3.x's notorious endless ocean of feats to wade through, and more about just having something to do with those ASIs after reaching 20 in your main score.

due to free Dex-to-damage, the only reliable consequence of a low Strength score left is encumbrance. which is often the first rule players choose to ignore, and even if they don't... an 8 Strength is still enough to wear full plate, and carry a pike and heavy crossbow and still having plenty of carrying capacity for a decent amount of random loot. so yeah... this is a rule that even if you aren't ignoring it, the rules are doing plenty to avoid it ever coming up anyway.

skills offer a great way to flesh out who your character is outside of "someone who rages" or "someone who chucks fireballs". unfortunately, your class still fully defines these things, outside of the two you get from your background, or if you choose to spend one of your feats/ASIs on gaining another three. at which point, you're probably going to have proficiency in more than half of all the available skills.

several excellent designers have gone into a number of other issues with D&D 5e's skills, from how overwhelmingly important ones like Perception are, how laughably irrelevant others are, and the issues in figuring out how to make good use of the knowledge and Investigation skills.

resting is... so... a lot of classes have nothing to do with a short rest. one time, i was playing as a warlock in a group that only ever took long rests because no one else got anything from just taking a short rest. which meant that the warlock essentially only had 2 spells per day. granted, this didn't mean nearly as much as it should thanks to cantrips, but i'll get to that later. so yeah, short rests were introduced in 4e where every class got equal value from them, and so they were more reliably used.

crafting is pointless. the example it gives of making a suit of plate armor taking 300 days means that it would take an entire year to make something that you're likely to find or at least afford with easily a month of adventuring. there's also no accounting for how good a craftsman you are. in 3e, that same suit of plate armor will take (assuming no failed checks along the way, to be fair) at most a month and a half. even assuming you fail half the checks, that's still only a quarter the time it takes to make that armor in 5e. this is still a decent time investment, but especially when you consider how having a higher Craft skill bonus (or even just a good roll) means you may be able to shorten that time, it brings it into the realm of "okay, that could be worth it, if i really wanted to".

bonus actions are only usable by a handful of classes, and may as well not exist for the rest, outside a couple of feats. with only one other action, alongside moving, that makes the kind of tactical combat built on the same principles of 3.x and 4e drag and feel incredibly monotonous (especially when, see #3). 3.x and 4e have alternative things you can do with your move action, which - especially alongside full-round actions - just as a way to open up design space means that there are a lot of ways to expand your options in combat. while AD&D also only features an action and movement - and doesn't even have a bonus action - combat is much smoother due to the overall simplicity of the game, and the fact that rounds represent a whole minute, not just 6 seconds.

cantrips are broken. they're usable at-will all day, which is fine. definitely an improvement i like over 3.x, and it gives your spellcasters something spellcastery they can reliably do any time. that's cool. but when they deal as much damage as a crossbow, and are based on your spellcasting score, it adds to the aforementioned thing about how most classes don't need to worry about more than one or two ability scores. why bother carrying around a crossbow when your fingers can shoot infinite crossbow bolts, possibly even targeting something other than AC and not dealing physical damage?

...oh wow. there's a character limit in posts...

im confused about the dnd 5e hatred. yall arent just ignoring rules that are dumb? ur dm actually follows every single thing in the book for real?

if you have to ignore some of the rules for the game to be good then the game is not good

[fanbasetwo]

✦ ZB1 MAKNAE LINE TAKING CARE OF THEIR GIRLFRIEND WHILE SHE'S ON HER PERIODS!

001. PAIRING , zb1 maknae line ! afab reader

002. GENRE , scenario, reaction work

003. WARNING(S) , mentions of blood and cramps obviously, kissing, cuddling, pet names, lmk if more

NOTE FROM SENA , literally on my periods as I write this. basically dedicated to me and my period twin @teaxeee! take care of yourself sweetie 🤍 MASTERLIST!!

SHEN RICKY . . . ✦

“Baby, are you okay?” Ricky's voice rang out once more, tinted with a sense of worry. He had completely lost track of how many times he had checked on you that day, but he just couldn't help it. Not knowing how long you had been in the bathroom was one more reason Ricky was getting even more anxious because you were on your period. When you finally got out, you walked slowly, looking totally pale and sickly. His sharp gaze picked it up at once. “You should have just told me,” he murmured and came up to you in seconds. Without letting you say another word, he swept you off your feet into his arms, once again swooping you with ease. Unable to protest, you buried your head into his chest while the unrelenting beat of his heart soothed your pain. “I've got you,” he whispered in that soft way of his, escorting you to the couch, where comfort and Ricky's caring heart awaited.

KIM GYUVIN . . . ✦

You lay awake in bed, glaring spitefully at your boyfriend, who was snoring softly beside you. Gyuvin was such a picture of peace, blissfully ignorant of your battle with the dreadful cramps. The green-eyed monster made its home in your rib cage. “Hey! Quit snoring,” you whispered, poking him hard. Maybe it was the mood swings, or perhaps it was pure injustice, but if you could not get any sleep, he would not either. Gyuvin stirred before opening his eyes slowly. He did not say anything but shamelessly nestled you closer while curling you in the protective embrace of his arms. For a moment, he let his hands fall on your belly. Circles his fingers with slow and soft movements on your belly “Still hurts?” he managed to say, a little sleepy but shown great care and gentleness. Your growing outrage melted halfway into oblivion as you gazed into his half-open eyes and tousled hair. “Not much now,” you murmured against his touch. He surely was your haven amid all this pain.

PARK GUNWOOK . . . ✦

Gunwook wasn't the type who liked much physical touch, but he had pretty much been nothing but kind to you. That didn't prevent him from being justifiably frightened of your moods during your periods. Today was no different. “What is wrong?” he asked, freaking out because you suddenly broke into tears. His dark sarcasm, one that regularly made you laugh, had surprisingly worked against him. “Did I say something wrong? Baby, please...” he was just racking his brain now to come to terms with what click had gone awry. In the moment, tears bubbling in your throat, you slurred something unintelligible, leaving him even more frazzled. But Gunwook would never give up on you. He scooped you into his arms and began to cover your tear-stained cheeks with desperate but awkward kisses. “Don't cry,” he murmured, sounding much more like his usual self. “I'll stop making jokes, I promise.” It was typecast to make him cringe, but he'd surely do anything else, probably endure your periods, just to get a smile back on your face.

HAN YUJIN . . . ✦

Yujin had always been the shy one in your relationship, and while you were still navigating its early stages, moments of awkwardness were inevitable—like today. Unaware of the red spot that had appeared on your pants, you walked beside him after your date, chatting casually. Yujin suddenly slowed, his cheeks tinged pink as he glanced at you. “Aren’t you cold?” he asked, his voice soft but steady. Before you could respond, he was already shrugging off his jacket and draping it gently over your shoulders. It was oversized, enveloping you completely and, unbeknownst to you, discreetly covering the red period spot on your pants. You blinked at him, confused by his sudden action but touched by the gesture. “Thanks…” you mumbled, still unsure what had prompted it. Yujin gave a small, reassuring smile, his hand brushing yours. He didn’t need to say anything; his quiet thoughtfulness spoke volumes.

© fanbasetwo | tumblr

[taiey]

a minor analysis of Manepear's manipulation (mane-ipulation)

A few thoughts to frame the discussion: Clownpierce has the mace; Clownpierce has not yet died. Clownpierce doesn't log on very often, and of everyone on the server Clownpierce is closest to Kaboodle.

With that in mind... 1hr 13min into 'A New Leaf..?', after a lot of open honest conversation about the war, morality, honour and Mane's potential as an interior decorator, Kaboodle brings up her constancy towards Clownpierce and Manepear starts telling her she should put herself first, because Clown doesn't.

He starts with the basic, obvious facts: Clown doesn't log on very often, he's never attacked Mane for her, he's never sacrificed himself for her like she has for him. Even... Woogie..? backs him up on all that.

Then she starts bringing up counter-examples and he pushes back, with subtle mis-framings like "it would have been easy for him to say I searched for Mapic on purpose so that I could get back for you" when, like, I saw that video and I bet you did too, he said that to Mapicc, and not to Kaboodle. Or brushing off that time he did fight Mane's team as if there's "10 people he knows he's not going to get targeted and if he gets a kill on Main and Flame that would be huge for him", when, uh, it's not that Mane has specific knowledge that the other group chat was considering jumping Clown for the mace earlier in the day, but I do feel that dynamic is sufficiently common knowledge.

I've actually had this thought before because I thought that he was, I was, I was confident that he was betraying me cuz I was thinking like "why would Clownpierce betray and and use everybody except for me? how does that make any sense? why would I be the only one?" and it doesn't make sense like nothing would make me special

Drawing parallels digs into her fears without him directly saying she's not special so as to elicit sympathy and not offense. (and pay no attention to the dissimilarities in their relationships to clown)

I think it was easy for him to defend you from Subz because he knows that he can kill Subz but if it was me in that situation I'm not so sure if he would he would have done the same thing

(y'know i didn't actually notice at the time that uh that's a very different line than his Subz Glazing to Zam&Mapicc)

Mane: did he leave my alliance or did I force him out? Kab: you did force him out Mane: he didn't have a choice not to choose you Kab: yeah that's a horrible... Mane: [crosstalk] he could have at least shot me a DM—wait! Oh my gosh! I just remembered

Things I did not notice on first listen: sorry, when could he have shot you a DM? When you turned on him?? No, no, that segue makes no sense. Mane absolutely did not "just remember". DMs only came into this because he wanted a segue into: his climactic reveal.

When I was looking for your base, I told him about my, my plan to find you using dogs, and he was telling me how to do it more efficiently.

So. Let's look at [the screenshots that i copied off someone else o7]

The first thing that stood out to me, as I was watching the stream, was this: Mane says "he was telling me how to do it more efficiently", and then he lets Kab stew in that for a bit, and then he sends her these screenshots. The framing is set up. But there is not one line in there that is Clown giving Mane advice on how to track her.

The nearest he gets to advice is "she knows when you do tho". Mane glosses that to Kab as "he was telling me exactly what not to do as well", but listen: look at it. The closest he gets to advice is: maybe don't track her. Maybe you shouldn't even try.

Mane asked "what should I say", he relates it like it's another example of advice, which looks like it could lead to advice, and then the screenshot cuts off. And... it's shorter than the first one. We know for an absolute fact that the height is not limited by, say, the height of the screen. It cuts off there because whatever comes after that does not back up the narrative Mane's selling her.

Laughing about her, saying she's scared: it's emotionally affecting, but it's not actionable information. It does not help Mane find Kab. All it does is give the feeling that Clown is on Mane's side.

After exiting the conversation Kaboodle grieves to chat about it; she starts off thinking of it as"actively telling Mane how to find me is, is..." but a few minutes later she's caught on to "if you look at the messages he's not actively selling me out"; she has prior history of coming back the next day going hang on...

Very interested to see how far she gets with it. That thing with the dogs was streamed live; I watched it. The memory of it tickled at my brain, so after today's ended I tracked it down, and found:

Clownpierce: Did he find the manepears? What? Kaboodle: So all the manepears teleported to me when they hit, when he hit them. Clown: [AWKWARD LAUGHTER] Kab, fearless: I'm thousands of blocks away, I'm really far away. Clownpierce: Maybe they... they sometimes do move in the direction they teleport to, maybe he knows the location. Maybe - maybe move around.

Clownpierce was DMing Manepear saying "ok good idea"—and then, on a call with Kaboodle, telling her Mane's tactic and what to do about it.

:)

(He doesn't maximally betray Mane, he doesn't tell her he knows Mane's doing that or tell her before it starts happening; there's a degree of trying to stay on both sides. But he isn't neutral, and he is ultimately, materially, on Kab's side.)

I, like Kaboodle, saw Manepear's "removing all netherite" video and really enjoyed it (the twists genuinely surprised me) but there was this doubt where—videos and not streams usually feel this way to me—I wasn't sure whether, to convince the server that he wasn't the guy on his friend's account, he had to actually convince them. I just knew that was a kind of story he wanted to tell, and hoped he'd try it on Lifesteal.

Now, though, I believe it. I've seen maybe two other fandom people even doubting this. I believe he did because I see he can. And oh my goodness I love it.

[back2bluesidex]

Slide - The Vacation - MYG

Pairing: Producer!Yoongi X Lyricist!Reader 

Theme: Angst, smut, unplanned pregnancy. Fwb to ?

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: 

"I can see the pain in your eyes I don't wanna say that I'm God, but I'll take you to heaven if you die" 

Alternatively, 

Yoongi finally finds an answer to all of his questions.

Listened to Slide by Chase Atlantics

Warnings: Angst, angst and angst

Minors do not interact!!

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Patreon (for early access)

Taglist requests are closed for now

A/N: This chapter has both readers and Yoongi's pov.

Read the next chapter

“I want to try being with you. If you’d let me.” Yoongi had said, just less than an hour ago, standing at your dining place. 

If you have ever thought you would be squealing like a schoolgirl when he mistakenly professes his love for you - then you had been wrong. Because those words of his - rang hollow. 

Those words of his had no promise, no meaning, only a tone of experiment - or maybe less than that. 

Your tears have dried up. You have cried much more in the span of a year than you ever had in these twenty eight years of life. 

So you don’t cry. 

Even when you stare at your bathroom mirror, without the sign of another life springing into you - you don’t cry. 

Even when the metallic smell of your own blood-soaked sheets dances around your senses - you don’t cry. 

Even when Yoongi’s voice saying he doesn’t know what he feels for you rings loudly in your head - you don’t cry. 

The woman who is standing at the place of your reflection is you - but emptier. 

Now, truly, you have nothing left in yourself. 

The baby is gone, Yoongi is gone, you - yourself - are gone. 

When Yoongi broke and scattered the broken pieces all over your sanity, you picked those up, put them up in a stack. 

Now that you are at the same place, who is going to do that for you? 

No one? 

Yourself. 

So you decide, you need a vacation. 

Attachment and Expectations are two human behaviors that you have always dreaded. 

You have purposefully stayed away from everyone, whoever you thought would get you attached. And you have always expected the least positive outcome whenever it comes to human connections. 

At the beginning, Yoongi was no exception. 

You admired him but never stepped past the professional boundaries in fear of getting attached, until he broke the norms. 

Even when you realized you fell in love, you expected nothing more than the warmth of his body. But your resolve weakened whenever he looked at you for a little longer than necessary, whenever he shared tales about Holly, whenever he treated you to a meal. 

Now that you are determined to heal yourself - you realize this is the root of the problem. 

You are attached to Yoongi and you have expected Yoongi to have a similar feeling towards you. 

Wrong. So wrong. 

You need to break free. 

So, you try to save what’s left of your sanity and avoid looking at Yoongi as he and Namjoon sit right across from you in the same meeting room where everything went south a month and half ago. 

Your feet bounce under the table, your breath shortens under Namjoon’s scrutinizing eyes. 

“Y/N, tell us what’s wrong? Why suddenly - I mean, I am not saying no your application but you have hardly ever been to such a long holiday? And if I am being honest, then you look quite unwell. Is there something we should know?” Namjoon is concerned, you know that. You are even grateful but you have no energy to answer him, no energy to lie anymore. 

You have no will to spend another minute inside the same room as Yoongi - because no matter what - you love him and you want him to wrap his hands around you and let you cry in his embrace. 

You want him to mourn with you. 

You want him to mourn for you. 

“I was pregnant. I lost the baby two nights ago. I am neither mentally nor physically fit to work for now. Besides, I don’t have any important projects going on.” you reply flatly. 

Saying these words out loud, makes things even more real. 

Pain crawls back inside your heart and fills your eyes to the brim. 

Namjoon has gone quiet. 

Yoongi has always been silent. 

“O-oh.. I- I didn’t know. I’m sorry. It must be tough, Y/N. Please take care of yourself.” Namjoon fumbles with words, a rare sight. 

Funny how your misery has rendered the smart ones dumb. 

He approves your leave in his laptop as you raise your feet to leave. 

“Are you going alone?” His voice interrupts your action. 

Yoongi doesn’t look at you, he stares blankly at the table. 

“Yes.” you reply.

“Stay safe.” he adds. 

And you want nothing more than to scream at him, to tell him that he fucked you up. But in reality you know he is troubled too - that it’s your fault as much as it's his.  

“Sure.” you mutter, as you quietly slip out of the room. 

Two nights ago when you left the bathroom the first thing you did was to look for your phone. When you found it laying idly by your laptop on your desk, you dialed Hoseok’s number for the second time that evening. 

You were incredibly sorry to him. 

He was but a stranger to you and had no responsibility of attending to your troubles but still he showed up when you called him sitting on your bloody bed and came rushing to you despite being busy. 

This time too, he received your call right after two rings. 

“I need a vacation, Hoseok. Do you.. Do you know any wellness retreats that might help me?” you asked.

“That’s a really good thought, Y/N. I will send you a few links, check those out, okay?” he replied. 

And that’s how you ended up packing your bags for a month-long retreat in Thailand. 

Yoongi didn’t come back home that night. 

He went straight to a snack bar and drank seven bottles of distilled Soju all alone. 

However, he didn’t black out this time. He knew there would be no calling you if he passed out on the floor, covered in vomit and mud. 

He knew there would be no kindness from your side - he doesn’t deserve it - he never had. 

While he drank the only thing he could recall is that you were carrying his baby. That you were on the very first step of being a mother and him a father. 

Weird how, if these same words would have come out Gyuri’s mouth, he would have freaked out so bad. 

But it’s you. And whenever he thought of you, he could picture a quiet life. A condo in an upscale neighborhood, floor to ceiling windows where he could enjoy mellow sunlight sitting on the couch with you. 

Where he could cook for you in the kitchen and then serve you food piping hot or maybe feed you upon blowing a little. 

Those thoughts had always shaken him to the core, made him question his feelings towards you but at the end of the day, he always left himself with no answer. 

On the next morning when he woke up with the worst hangover ever, he decided to do what you have asked him to. 

He decided to give himself time and question himself regularly, repeatedly, that what is it that he feels for you? 

And while doing so, he decided to stay away from you - give you time to find your footing and mourn for the loss. 

He decides to mourn too. 

However, he got completely ruined like a damp wall with several cracks when he read your leave application. 

You had applied for a month-long holiday. 

A month without you? Without seeing you for a glance? Without hearing from you, even a word? Without having to watch you pressing the button on the seventh floor on the elevator, without your quiet sitting figure in the meetings, without your habit of writing lyrics on pen and paper rather than using your ipad? 

Can he… can he survive? 

“Y/N..” he finds himself following you after you leave the meeting room. 

You don’t startle, nor do you turn back. You stand in the middle of the corridor and wait for him to finish his sentence. 

“When are you leaving?” he asks from where his feet are stuck on the floor. 

“Tomorrow morning.” you reply briefly. 

“Incheon?” 

“Gimpo” 

“Can I come? To see you off?” 

“You don’t need to.”

“I want to. I want to see you off. I want to know… to know what I- what I feel for you.” 

He confesses to your back. 

You, probably, sigh. 

“Okay.” you say before walking off. 

When he reaches the airport as per the timing you have sent him - he sees you sitting a little far away from the check in counter. 

“Hey.” he approaches you. 

You look up at him with tired, blank eyes. Your eyes want to make him cry. 

“Hi. I was only waiting for you. I gotta go check in.” your voice is just as blank. 

He nods. 

“Bye.” you try to walk away from him. 

But he stops you with a hand on your wrist. 

“I will.. I will be here when you come back.” he whispers, only for you to hear. 

You nod. 

And then something crashes inside Yoongi, the dam of his eyes breaks and tears start falling unbound. He pulls you closer to his body, envelops you in a hug. 

You stay still but he doesn’t mind. 

He relishes your warmth, your smell, your feel for as long as he can. 

When he lets go, his lips find yours. 

He kisses you softly, with everything he has in himself. 

You don’t kiss him back but he doesn’t mind. 

For you, he will wait. 

Because right then, while you part your way from him, Yoongi finds an answer to all his questions. 

Yoongi realizes… He is in love with you.

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