#I don't know if I'll ever continue this
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sing for me (wip)
It had been a sudden request one night, one where Husk couldn’t lock his doors to a shadow that slithered wherever it pleased, that liked to remind him that he was never truly alone. “Really, you have such a lovely voice, and my radio show has certainly been lacking in talent lately.”
“I’m not fucking singing for you.” A gamble to be randomly brave, but Husk had tried to see the odds as in his favor. He wasn’t dead yet, and Alastor hated making a mess when it wasn’t necessary. “Use your connections to get someone else.”
For the Radio Demon had it, Husk knew. Once, it was by morbid curiosity that he tuned the radio on a slow night, the whiskey just not hitting right. He didn’t hear the screams—not yet at least. But sometimes there were songs from so-called guest singers, mixed in with the little tidbits of news that Alastor so loved to reiterate for all of Hell, a lot of them concerning the low stocks or accidents that occurred with Vox brand products.
But as soon as he said it, the red-drenched mic was pointed at his face, as threatening as the barrel of a gun. “Don’t be shy. Being humble won’t get you anywhere. Wouldn’t it be such a crime to deprive the listeners of your dulcet tones? And I know you never like to pass on a good show.”
Husk flattened his ears, carefully pushing the mic away with a sharp claw. “I haven’t sung in years anyway.” Not since the terms of their deal, not since he was stripped of his dignity and more. “For all you know, I’m rusty.”
“Wrong.” And what feeling set inside his chest when an unseen hand gripped his shoulder, the same hand that would sometimes part away the fur on his head, or hook a finger just underneath a suspender strap to gather his attention. “Don’t downplay yourself, especially when we have schedule to keep. We could continue playing this game, but I’m not interested in hearing your little pity fest when we know how this ends.” A wink, one that fizzled static and made the smile on Alastor’s face so bright. “And little Niffty was so, so adamant about the sweet lullabies you sang to her.”
Oh fuck him. The one time his old and brittle heart cracked for the psychotic little woman, who couldn’t seem to sleep one night. (Did she ever?) But Husk had relented, humming her an old ditty, one that made her snore in his lap. Well, it was better than her trying to stab him to tire herself out.
Stupid of him to forget his boss never neglected an opportunity to eavesdrop.
#hazbin hotel#radiohusk#husk#alastor#fanfiction#wip#I don't know if I'll ever continue this#I have two other wips I wanna finish so I'll just leave this here
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Hi, Howdy! Hey! I really love your novel!! I got a little confused by the 4 day, may maybe you help me please? who is it? why we got the bad end staying the night in Ren’s apartment and he disappear of the home screen? I can’t understand “unset memory” game, sorry if I wrote smth wrong or smth sounds rude, I swear that I didn’t mean it if happened, I’m really a fan of the novel, I’ve been playing the game since day 1 or 2 I guess, probably day 1, english isn’t my first language, but I tried lol
⌞♥⌝ I hope you don't mind me answering these as bullet points!! ^^
"It" will be revealed later in the game! So I won't reveal too much right now.
You can only get the Dead End in Day 4 by staying at Ren's apartment — the rest of your choices before that don't matter. I'd also pay closer attention to the black smoke and Ren's reaction towards it!
Ren disappears from the home screen because he promised to help the player out (and stop them from getting the Dead End again). Try replaying the game again from the beginning for a surprise!
"Unsent Memories" was another visual novel (initially being written by @10chimes / @unsentmemory, though the project has since been dropped and handed back to me /pos) and is set in the same universe as 14 Days With You. Its storyline and characters are completely separate from 14DWY, so you don't have to worry about them while playing 14DWY.
#I don't think a lot of people know this but River was originally my OC lmao#Obviously BEFORE Jesse picked him up and turned him into an entirely different character /pos#We originally planned for Riv and Ren to have a Billy and Stu dynamic; except River would pretend to be a himbo—#— The same way Ren would pretend to be some Normal Empathetic Guy™️ kjgskg#River was also going to be a lovesick serial killer who incapacitated Bunny so that they'd stay with & depend on him forever#Also because Jesse and I wanted to have a ''same production factory; different yandere'' kind of vibe with Riv and Ren (and their dynamic)#Like... Ren puts Angel above himself and craves THEIR satisfaction whereas River cares about himself and prioritises HIS own satisfaction#Ren would hit his best friend (River) with a car if it meant keeping Angel happy & by his side forever#River would hit Bunny with a car if it meant keeping them by his side forever (thus making him happy)#But!! After everything that's happened in the yandere community; Jesse (understandably) wanted to get away from that kind of environment#So he's since dropped Unsent Memories and hasn't really got any plans to work on it again or return to da yan vn circle#I'm also continuing to write 14DWY the way it was originally planned (with 2017!River only getting a brief cameo to serve up some lore </3)#—But I'm lowkey holding out just in case Jesse ever considers returning hehe :3 I like their version of River and I wanna do him justice#Until then though?? I'll yearnfully clutch my locket and wait for my lover to return from war.... (she has a literal 9-5 job now) /hj /p#GKJSDG I scrolled up and??? NOT ME RANTING IN THE TAGS AGAIN?????????? WHY DO I UNINTENTIONALLY YAP SO MUCH#I will 🤫🤐 now#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — shut up sai.#to be tagged later#weird0nerd
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Dungeon Meshi has me extremely emotional, aughhh it was so good, but it hit really intimately for me personally in a lot of ways.
I come from an entire family of cooks, so I've spent my entire life expressing love through cooking for people, as well as generally loving to eat. I was adventurous, and enjoyed new things, whether it was dining out, or formulating my own recipes. But when I was in my late 20s a developed a pretty severe anxiety disorder that made basically all food unpalatable to me. I lost a lot of weight and struggled with it, and just when it started getting better... covid happened, as well as a significant traumatic event. My anxiety disorder developed into a full blown eating disorder and I lost a dangerous amount of weight, and spent nearly three straight years eating as little as possible to keep me mentally functional. But I've been working really hard on eating a well balanced diet (starting T made me worry about blood pressure and other heart problems), and I finally started getting to a point where I could even eat a little bit of food from restaurants again. By sheer coincidence, I invited my bestie over for dinner earlier this week, and for the first time since we met five years ago, I finally got to cook dinner for her and actually eat it with her :')
Anyway Dungeon Meshi was wonderful and I award it the highest possible honor I can offer, which is purchasing the hard copies of it. If you have ever so much as bought someone a starbucks coffee because you knew they were having a hard time, please read it, you'll love it.
#Dungeon Meshi#I continually try to remind myself that food is meant to be enjoyable#from both a biological and social standpoint#Dungeon Meshi helps remind me that it's beautiful#I don't know if I'll ever enjoy food the way I used to#but it's nice to at least keep trying
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zl fic idea
hii everyone i wrote something yesterday about an au idea i had for zolu and. i thought i'd share it here since its a bit too messy and disjointed in places to post on like. ao3 or something.
4.7k words, warning for temporary major character death but do not worry all will be fixed in due time. i'll put the rest under the cut
ok i have an idea for an au thats like kind of reincarnation but like reality displacement but like. okay just listen.
so we start at laughtale. its a couple years into the future from where we are in canon the strawhats are achieving their dreams luffy is about to find the one piece theres a big battle happening between them and the blackbeard pirates and whoever the fuck else is there idc. the rest of the strawhats are fighting the bb crew while luffy and zoro head off to find the one piece and also end up fighting black beard himself. luffy and zoro atp r like basically a thing but they never talk about it cuz theyre luffy and zoro and they kind of just exist with each other but like. theyre basically in love and everyone knows it. anyway they go off together luffy has the one piece almost in his grasp blackbeard attacks they fight its a big battle blood is shed bones are broken uumm in my mind luffy and zoro are like teaming up against bb bc his devil fruit is lowk broken and op and like ok theres gear5 too but i didnt rly consider that so lets just assume bb’s devil fruit can negate gear5 somehow or luffy exhausts it before bb is fully defeated.
finally theyre able to knock bb down and hes out and theyre both tired and worn but they DID IT and the one piece is luffys and theyre facing each other grinning ear to ear and zoros saying “you ready, king of the pirates?” and luffy laughs and goes “not just yet zoro, i still gotta-“ and then theres a spear piercing right through his chest. and in the next moment its gone.
theres a gaping hole through his captain and theres blood, theres so much blood and luffy’s still smiling like he hasnt realized it yet, like it hasnt even registered. zoros ears are ringing and he doesnt know what to make of whats hes seeing because its just not real, it CANT be.
he looks over luffy’s shoulder and blackbeard is on the ground with his hand outstretched , black energy coiling back into his form and he’s laughing and laughing with bloodstained teeth. hes fucking laughing. one moment zoro is still standing parallel to luffy and the next hes in front of blackbeard and the mans head is rolling through the dirt and gravel, wado dripping crimson, a terrible gap toothed grin still stretching the man’s cheeks.
zoro is breathing heavy, hes trembling and hes almost mesmerized by the blood pooling around a lacerated neck— then he’s remembering luffy and turning around and calling his name and he can see right through him theres a HOLE right through him and he chokes and stumbles and rushes to his side right as luffy starts to crumple to the floor . catches him and lowers him gently and doesnt know what to say.
hes still shaking but cant move his mouth and everything is muffled, the sounds from the battle outside are distant and they dont matter but what does he do. what does he do.
he snaps out of it when luffy gently calls his name. a strong “zoro,” like hes not fazed at all. like there isnt blood soaking into zoros clothes.
his brain kickstarts and he’s speaking. saying things like “youre ok you’ll be ok” and “choppers right outside i’ll just call him and he’ll fix you right up” and “you always bounce back, right captain?” and hes thinking “dont die please dont fucking die. not now, not when we’re this close please dont fucking die” and hes silently praying to all the gods he doesnt believe in but luffy calls his name again and his mouth clicks shut. luffys saying it’ll be fine, that he had fun. that hes proud to have made it this far with all of them. and those sound a lot like parting words so zoro’s shaking his head no but luffy is still smiling. hes saying that hes glad he had zoro, that he made him happy. hes saying to tell everyone he’s glad they met, that hes glad they all had each other, that he knows theyll be just fine .
zoro wants to say that luffy should tell that to them himself, when hes wrapped up and recovering and alive but his mouth is glued shut again and he feels that interrupting luffy now would be cursing him to death, like his words are the only thing keeping him tethered here, he just needs to get him to keep talking to stay awake.
he tries to smile but it comes out ugly and wrong and he feels his lip wobble so he drops it. he settles on rubbing his thumb on luffys shoulder. something to keep him here.
so he rubs and luffy talks little things until he cant anymore. until his eyes grow dull and his skin loses its warmth and still zoro rubs and he rubs.
—
thats how law finds them. zoro hunched over a body that should never be as still as it is. and its really no surprise hes there, hes been gunning for the one piece since the time he could captain a ship (or a submarine) but it all feels so wrong.
zoro either doesnt notice him or doesnt care, but either way the man doesnt acknowledge law until he’s right behind him. its not like law can say anything to announce himself either, not after seeing the state of the body that zoros currently holding. the body that used to be luffy’s. hes still processing it all when the other man(the one whos alive) finally speaks.
zoro asks if hes got a devil fruit. less of a question and more of a statement, but he should know anyway since theyve spent considerable time together and hes literally seen him use it. law cant unstick his jaw so he hums in affirmation. “and you can switch stuffs’ places?” another hum. “what about time.”
that makes law pause. “what?” his voice comes out stronger than he feels.
“what about time? can you switch things in time?” by this point law has awakened his devil fruit or some shit dont sweat the logistics but hes never tried anything of that sort so he kind of stumbles “im not- maybe? ive never attempted-“ zoro interrupts “send me back”
“what?”
“send me back so i can fix this. you can do that, right.” it clicks. law would pity zoro if he didnt know any better, instead he just feels mounting despair and resignation.
he may not be crew, but he knew luffy too, he was allied with the man for fucks sake, and this just feels- wrong. he sighs, a tired, heavy thing.
“what about your crew?” its useless. zoros as stubborn as his captain, with arguably a handful more screws loose. “it wont matter. they’ll never know because i’ll make sure this doesnt happen.” he still hasnt turned around. law doesnt know what expression hes making and hes sure he never wants to find out.
hes ready to deny it, cut his losses and head for the one piece himself (hes not heartless, but if he stands here any longer and has to look at. well. he think he might never be able to move again) but then he really thinks about it. could he? would it even be possible? surely this isnt the way things were supposed to go, surely this isnt right. luffys never been one who was supposed to die just like that, like this, law knows that much. he thinks hes going to regret this, but he counts it as one last thank you for everything luffy did for him.
youre gonna owe me big time strawhat-ya. if i even remember this, that is.
he puffs a breath “i can try. i cant- promise anything but. i think we both know this,” he makes a vague, weak gesture, “isnt right.”
zoro doesnt say anything, law didnt expect him to. he just bows his head slightly and law takes that as the acknowledgment it is.
he brings his hand up, “dont do anything stupid, zoro-ya. or, at least, make it stupid enough to bring him back.”
he positions his fingers in way so familiar, but the weight of it now is nearly unbearable.
room.
shambles
—
zoro’s world shatters, differently than before, and then theres nothing.
—
he wakes up in bed, bleary eyed and a pounding headache assaulting his senses. his alarm clock is going off which only adds to the drumbeat against his eyes. he grumbles and whacks around aimlessly to shut it off. the silence lasts a moment before his eyes fly open and he jolts up, sheets pooling around his waist. luffy. where was he? where was zoro? did the crew find him and take him back to the ship? did law fail? but this didnt look like chopper’s office.
he looks around to find hes in a room hes never seen before in his life, yet he instinctively knows is his. it all feels so wrong, like he doesnt belong in his own skin. he scratches lightly at his arm. he needs to go to work.
work?
what the fuck is happening.
its like his mind is at war with itself, one truth trying to dominate over the other. he trained at sensei’s dojo. he aged out of foster care. he was a swordsman, he was the first mate of the strawhat pirates. he didnt go to college, hes working construction. he made a promise, and kuina died. kuina…died. huh. his captain, his luffy, someone he knew so intimately and who knew him in turn. hes never met someone with that name his entire life. he needs to go to work, he needs to find his crew.
he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening.
without his permission his legs stand him right up and he moves confusedly, surely, to the bathroom he didnt know he had. his reflection stares back at him in the mirror and its him, of course it is, he doesnt know why he expected someone else, but hes also…different. he has both function of his eyes, first of all. a scar in the same place as before but its light and healed over and doesnt seem to have blinded him like it once did. his hair is green, sure, but black roots peek out from underneath the familiar shade. hes grown stubble, he should shave. he needs to go to work.
hes so confused, but his body moves like its been doing this its whole life. as far as zoro knows, it has.
he continues getting ready, mind still at odds, and makes himself a cup of coffee (in his own kitchen. his own kitchen? the state of it leaves less to be desired. sanji would surely skin him alive) before tucking into his shoes, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading out the door. he seems to live in a single room apartment, and a crummy one at that. his legs move him faster, he has to go to work, he cant be late again (again?).
his car is parked outside the building, he has no fucking clue what it is but he unlocks it all the same and settles in. he feels like he shouldnt be operating this sort of machinery. franky would know better than him how it must work. he starts it up and backs out. trusting his gut to get him where he needs to be. he should be more concerned, he should be frantic and inconsolable, his captain was dead in his arms and now hes? what? going to lay some bricks or some shit? but he finds that part of him dulled in favor of following whatever mundanity this body is pushing him towards.
uumm whatever whatever he arrives at work eventually i dont know how construction jobs work are there offices or something. idc thats not the point. johnny and yosaku are there and zoro is surprised to see them since, as far as he knows, the last time they were with each other was at arlong park which was years ago for him. but the two greet him like this is a daily occurence, like theyve been working together for years. and zoro thinks, knows, they must have. but this is good, this is great fucking news actually because until now theres been no confirmation if zoro was here alone (wherever “here” is) but now his proof is right in front of him because if johnny and yosaku are here, and they exist the same as from before, then that must mean everyone else is here too right? he clings onto this hope with both hands trembling.
nami, usopp, the cook and chopper and robin and franky, brook, jinbe and fuck. fuck, luffy. theyve got to be here somewhere, zoro just has to find them. hes not sure if they remember things like he does but hes got to try because they are his as much as he has always been theirs and they should all exist together as it has always been.
so then yeah he finishes his shift because its what hes ‘supposed’ to do but he doesnt go home. he drives around aimlessly before pulling into a random lot and pulling out his phone (theres no snail attached to it. weird.) he doesnt even know where to begin. hes not usually the one coming up with plans, he just goes where theres blood need to be shed. but no one seems to be in any danger here except for maybe himself, and its not like he has his swords anyway- shit. fuck did he still have wado? he must have right? he knows there was a kuina that existed here too, he knows because he remembers. and she, well she wasnt around anymore so he must have wado. he must. with shaking fingers he pushes that aside for now, though barely. he needs to find luffy, but he wouldnt even know where to start. luffy could probably find the rest of their crew by simply wandering around and happening upon them, thats how he did it before. but zoro has no idea where he’d be, he doesnt even know where he is. nami or robin would be a good bet to at least form a plan, but he wouldnt know how to find them either.
is there even a coco village here? would robin still be part of baroque works? he needs someone who has a defined location that he could google or something (what the hell is google?). usopp would be at syrup village right? shit. is there even a drum island? these are all too broad, he needs something specific. specific…..a place with an identifiable name, somewhere smaller that would be easier to stake out…
a lightbulb goes off.
fucking shit he thinks. of course. of fucking course it would come down to the cook.
he types in “baratie” to his maps and a location pops up, just 27 minutes from where he is now. he hasnt eaten yet either, so he figures thats killing two birds with one stone. he taps the address, backs out of the lot and drives.
(if it takes him nearly an hour to get there thats nobodys business but his own)
he pulls up to the building about a quarter after 7. it seems packed enough already, but if memory serves him right then that was just par for the course for baratie. he parks, gets out and locks his car, then shoves his hands in his pocket and resigns himself to another oncoming migraine hes sure to get upon interacting with the man hes certain is waiting somewhere inside.
the tables are full, the host tells him, he slips a 20 from his wallet and suddenly (of course) theyre more than willing to serve him.
he gets settled in a far and somewhat isolated booth and a waiter comes up to him, but he cuts the man off as hes introducing himself and says “you got a blonde working here? stupid ass side part with a weird eyebrow? goes by sanji” the waiter looks shocked and put off by his rudeness but quickly collects himself and says “we might. depends on whos asking” zoro snorts “just tell him hes got someone who wants to talk to him,” he cringes at this next part, tries to smile but knows it comes off as a sneer. hes not sure if he still has conquerors haki wherever he happens to be now, but he tries to channel that energy the same way he would if he were in battle and says “tell him im a fan.” the waiters eyes widen, in fear or surprise zoros not sure (most likely a mix of both) before he nods and scurries across the floor, weaving in between patrons and coworkers alike until he disappears behind the double doors to the kitchen.
zoro sits with his arms crossed and skims through the menu out of boredom and impatience. its a couple minutes before he sees a familiar head of blonde hair emerge from across the way. a smile climbs onto his face despite himself. sure, the guy annoyed him to hell and back and their…friendship (if you could really call it that) was a tumultuous one, but it was good to see someone familiar nonetheless. he schools his expression before the blonde can spot him. a few moments pass before hes standing right in front of zoro, his stupid suit primped and pressed as always, and a cautious look on his face.
“you asked for me?” his tone is the one he only reserves for men who he deems not worth his time. zoro grits his teeth but says “yeah, theres something ive gotta discuss with you.”
hes never been one for tact, forever blunt unlike his swords.
sanji quirks a brow “i dont plan on talking about anything with anyone unless theyre a paying customer” zoro feels his eyebrow twitch but grabs his menu nonetheless and points to a random item without looking “i’ll have this then, and whatever booze you got.” sanji leans in to see what hes pointing to before his one visible eye widens and a grin slowly overtakes his previously unaffected face.
he speaks condescendingly. “wonderful choice sir, coming right up.” before zoro can get another word in he grabs the menu out of his hand, spins on his heel, and marches back to the kitchen.
zoro clenches his fists and does his best not to grind his teeth into a fine dust. no matter where they are or what displacement in time the fucking curly brow never fails to be absolutely insufferable. at least this way though, zoro knows its him for real.
its another 20 minutes before the shit cook reemerges from the back with a platter and a mug in his hand. he steps up to zoros table and places the plate and cup down in front of him with a smug look. zoro has no idea what the fuck hes looking at on his plate. he doesnt have time to question it before sanji plops down in the booth seat across from him, disregarding all previous faux-professionale and asking “so what do you want” zoro tears his eyes away from his plate and looks into sanji’s, trying to convey as much emotion, as much urgency as he possibly can.
“luffy needs us. and we have to find him” whatever the cook was expecting him to say, it definitely wasnt that. the other man regards him more warily now, looking him up and down with a tense frown before replying “i dont know what the hell youre talking about. and i dont appreciate being mocked or having my time wasted” he goes to stand up but zoro grabs his wrist, yanking him back down unceremoniously.
he blinks before rounding back on zoro, flaring his nostrils in a way zoro knows means hes about to get himself in deep shit “oi, what the fuck do you think youre-“ he doesnt let him finish “im not mocking you. this isnt some stupid prank or whatever youre thinking. and despite how much i would enjoy punching your teeth in right now im not looking for a fight either.”
the cook still looks affronted but seems to actually be listening. zoro continues “look, i dont know what the fuck is going on. i was at laughtale with you and the others, with luffy, and then i woke up and now im here and i dont know how but this is all wrong. its all wrong but i need to find luffy and fuck, i cant do it alone. i need your help to find him. find everyone.” the blondes eye is wide, but he blinks and its gone. he looks more tired than zoro has ever seen him
“im not paid enough for this shit. i dont know why i even-“ he looks like hes getting ready to leave again but zoro is desperate at this point so he blurts out whatever he thinks will convince the other man hes not bullshitting.
“we met you here, at the baratie. me and nami and usopp and luffy. luffy busted through one of your walls so your old man punished him by making him wash dishes. i dont, i dont know what luffy said to you, or how he convinced you to join us, but he changed your life like he did mine. we sailed together, and we had each others backs no matter how much we got on each others nerves. you were our cook. i was our swordsman. luffy was our captain and youd do anything to help him, i know you would, same as me. youre a pervert and an asshole and a damn annoyance, but youre strong. i could still kick your ass though” if the cook’s eyebrow could go any higher hes sure itd be clear off his forehead by now.
“and you- your dream. you wanted to find the all blue.” he stalls there, engine sputtering. zoro doesnt know what else to say, so he snaps his mouth shut.
the blonde is still gaping at him like a fish, but he mouths the phrase “all blue” like hes been searching for it his whole life, like he always knew but just never had the words.
he blinks.
then he blinks again, rapidly. there are tears pooling in his eyes. his mouth flaps for a moment before he seems to finally be able to push out words.
“you- zoro?” he sounds small. he sounds hopeful. zoro grins.
“yeah, yeah its me.” sanji stares at him a moment, then looks around, as if hes seeing everything with clear eyes for the very first time. zoro figures he might as well be.
“holy shit. holy shit.”
zoro laughs, a rough thing. theres a ball in his throat that he cant seem to dislodge. “nice to have you back, curly brow” sanji’s gaze snaps back to him before he scowls and tries wiping away the tears that are now streaking down his cheeks. its useless though, it seems they cant stop. zoro laughs again at the sorry state of the asshole in front of him, this time more full and genuine. he feels so relieved he doesnt know what to do with himself.
“yeah yeah, whatever dick head.” sanji grumbles. zoro quiets down, glances away, lets him have his moment. “fuck, mosshead, im still on the clock and you unload all this on me? how the hell am i supposed to finish the rest of my shift?” his words are sharp but he doesnt sound angry at all. in fact, when zoro turns back to look, hes smiling.
“you remember now though, dont you?” he has to be sure.
“what does it look like, dumbass? think im tearin’ up cuz of pollen or some shit?” the cook rolls his eye. theyre both silent for a moment, trapped in their own heads, before he speaks up again. “so, what now?” zoro doesnt even have to think before he answers “we find everyone else, obviously.” “well no shit, but how?” zoro glances to the side. “i was hoping youd figure that out” sanji stares before bursting out laughing. zoro scowls and hunches into his shoulders.
“of course!” sanji cackles “of course your dumbass wouldnt know what to do! you probably just typed in the most recognizable place you could remember and hoped one of us would be there!” zoro doesn’t answer, because yes thats what he fucking did, but it worked didnt it? he doesnt see whats so funny.
“fuck you.”
he wants nothing more than to bash that smarmy mouth in, but the familiar egging settles something in his soul. sanji gasps a few breaths before calming down, now wiping tears from his eyes for a completely different reason.
“alright alright, well lets figure this out then, yeah? we figure out how we got here then we can figure out how to get back right? simple enough”
zoro nods, “law was-“ he stops. remembers dull eyes and clammy skin and wrong wrong wrong. he shakes his head, “no, no we cant” sanji looks at him confused.
“we cant go back,” zoro presses, “not until i fix things. i promised i would” the other man seems to pick up on his panic and his mood dampens, becomes more serious. “promised what?”
zoros never been one to sugarcoat, but now he wishes he could find a way to soften the blow hes about to deal. he inhales, pushes the breath out. says, “luffy died, sanji.” the fact the hes actually using the other mans name seems to fly right over his head in favor of the first part. “what?” zoro huffs, is he really gonna make him say it again? “luffy di-“ sanji interrupts, angry now, fists clenched and whitened from the pressure “i heard what you said. but what do you mean.”
he doesnt want to have to tell sanji what happened, doesnt want to talk about it at all, wants to slice it up into small enough pieces that it very well may have never existed.
he told law the others wouldn't have to know, that he would make sure of it, but he's realizing now just how unrealistic that is. as much faith as zoro places in his own abilities, he's aware he's only one man.
and, he figures, if there's anyone i can trust enough to share a burden heavy as this with, might as well be the one who's strength i'd count on just as much as my own.
sanji cant help if he doesnt know what went down once they got separated at laughtale, so zoro sets his shoulders, clenches his fists, prepares himself like hes riding into a battle he knows he has no chance of winning—hes the first mate for fucks sake—and resigns himself to filling the other man in on every horrible detail
by the end, the cook looks much the same as zoro feels, pale-faced and shaky. he runs a trembling hand through his hair and clenches his eye shut. “fuck mosshead, thats…” he doesnt bother finishing, and zoro stays silent—already knowing just how much of a shitty situation it is that theyve found themselves in.
—
(btw the reason sanji was so smug about what zoro randomly chose on the menu is bc its one of their most expensive dishes. even upon regaining his memories he still makes zoro pay it cuz hes an asshole like that. business is business 😁)
uuummm i dont feel like detailing the rest basically my idea is that they work together to try and track down all the members as well as law, since hes also a part of this. i dont know how or when or in what order but i do know finding luffy would come last. so yes its zolu but for a majority of it more in spirit than anything. maybe i can throw in some luffy pov of him living with ace and sabo . he knows something is off but cant place his finger on what. he knows something is missing but hes got his brothers with him so what else could he possibly need? etc etc. you get the idea
#devil fruits don't work like this but don't sweat the logistics. just read with your heart not your head#it starts off rough cause im kind of just rambling about my ideas then the more i go the more it just turns into a fic#let me know your thoughts in the comments or my inbox or whatever i love discussing stuff hehe!!#as you all know im an artist first and foremost but sometimes my ideas get a bit too big for my current drawing skills so i write them down#so heres that#one piece#zolu#theres no guarantee i'll ever like. srsly continue this but i rly rly like it as a concept im invested LOL#and i have a few ideas on how the rest of the crew would be found that ive discussed w friends#so perhaps if i find motivation and can outline. an actual plot progression and clean up this first part...#well who knows... XD#also im not a zs truther in fact my insta followers r well aware of my. certain feeling on the ship#HOWEEVVEERRR i do think zoro and sanji have such an interesting unique and important dynamic/relationship#that i enjoy studying outside of a romantic lens#anyway ive spoken enough . pls enjoy! or dont thats fine as well
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@ writer mutuals who are actually finishing their wips HOW??? what's your secret???
#i'll have what you're having#it's not that i'm not motivated I AM i really want to post my writing again but i haven't finished ANYTHING#i'll have flashes of ideas but connecting them all together in a cohesive piece is so#like i don't have the brainpower for that.....#like i don't have the inspiration. i'll write a scene and go okay what's next?? or how can i continue this dialogue in an engaging manner?#brain fog is BAD#i hate depression so much this is crazy ..... my creative output.......#it's not just the depression either it's like. i hate what im writing hgkshfjdj the other day i had something saved in my drafts and#i was THIS close to posting it and then i read it over and got self conscious like wait this actually sucks!!!#and i know it's just me i know i've looked at it forever and ever that's why i hate it but it's so hard not to#why is it so hard to feel satisfied with my writing??? it wasn't like this before
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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WHATISUPEVERYBODY you know it wasn’t my intention to watch literally one episode every two weeks but here we are i guess ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER KNOX REACTS TODAY ITS MONKIE KID SEASON 5 EPISODE 4 LESGET IIIIIT
The ssssstorm within, alright, alright, something to do with Mk and blowing up maybe? who knows, perhaps we shall find out MWAHAHA! Well, i mean obviously we’ll find out we’re watching the episode—listen i just woke up i can’t be held responsible for my incoherent ramblings LETS MOVE ON
Face in hands bro i miss flying Bark. BRUTAL DUDE (gotta say it at least once every episode sorry bois :pensive_emoji:)
Sniffs, just plow straight through the underbrush its fine—
Monkey King and Mei face down… okay…. this is…. a very fun frame i will admit…. who wants matching icons—/j/jj/
PREGUFFINGLKJA;DSF WE’RE REALLY RIDING THOSE MCGUFFIN JOKESLKGMSDF
sniffs
scratches head. okay so we’re just using sandy yelling as a gag now… cool cool cool okay sure sure, not like Sandy never raising his voice made the emotional beat of him yelling when contention happened devastating and startling. I guess the whole overwhelming Mk with WE GOT THIS!! talk would be an inevitable one, it always worked before. I mean, except for during the season 2 special. And… any other time hype up hasn’t really… worked… Listen I’m just overanalyzing probably but some of the choices in this season with the characters just feels off to me. Ngl with every episode I watch, the less it feels like monkie kid to me. The last one wasn’t so bad, and hey, we’re only a minute 25 into this one so that might change but that’s my gut reaction right now. Makes me a bit sad! I’ve been watching Dragons Rising (ninjago) with my buddy and been having the time of my life, the animation is gorgeous and it feels like the new peeps really understand the characters and its honestly so much fun, and then I’m kinda sitting here with monkie kid and puzzle pieces that don’t really fit and I’m not sure what to do with it! I know like, it’s the same writers but it just does not feel like it to me. Could be how rushed they always are, they’re doing their best, like—oNCE AGAIN TO BE CLEAR, when I criticize anything or say it feels off, this is NOT me saying bad writers bad people bad bad bad, I’m just saying how it feels to me! It feels almost like they’re trying to bring the comedic lightness of season 1 back but like… it feels kinda plastic and wrong! WORDS FAIL ME, PLS DON’T QOUTE ME I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT LETS MOVE ON
the kneeling down is kinda cute good for them
Sandy hype man!
…..
Is he just trying to get them all out of there so Mk can have some breathing roomGML;SMADF Cause otherwise splitting up is a terrible idea
Special Sandy training!!!
Mk smashing rocks together, okay that was cute h;LGKAJWOEF
Sandy so excited about meditation
sniffs
I FEEL LIKE MK COMPLAINS A LOT MORE THAN USUAL. Why is he so whiny?? Was he this whiny before? Am i losing my mind???? I’ve never wanted Mk to talk less before what is going on
Mystic Monkey meditatiNGN;LAKSDF WHY IS HIS FAKE BEARD ORANGELKMGSDF oh he’s impersonating sandy. SANDY AND WUKONG HAVE SIMILAR COLOURED HAIR I THOUGHT HE WAS USING MONKEY KINGS HAIR COLOUR DON’T LOOK AT ME HGLKAJSDF
The crackity cracks are backity back
“I see you” WELL THATS METAL DOPE
I WILLL ADMIT, THIS IS GREAT, BRO REALLY NEEDS THIS BIG ITME
….me fr pretend to meditate so true==
Storm within that’s funny
SANDY’S A GREAT PERSON TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS
LIL SNEK
I GOT SOMEONE TO FIGHT TAT’S NOT JUST MY THOUGHTSLKMGOWIEFMSDF
MK PLS
ooop next—SECRET TUNNELLLL SECRET TUNNEELLLLL THROUGH THE MOUNTAINNNNNNNNNNN
Just got led to it np that’s funny
Mk’s opening secret access swishy gold thing is fun
Bro’s really assaulting a rock
Owaaaa big ol turtle…. with cracks!
HELPGLKAM;WOEF
Classic
Ah yes meditation, who could have seen this coming
gGKASDF BRAVADO KILLED
I know he’s complaining as a deflection but :T man Mk whining so much is getting old really fast. Like its for the gag and you could say its for the deflection but MAN. Every four seconds he’s got his whiny voice on, bro?? I’m hoping they get all the humour they want out of that gag in this episode :(
I SWEAR I’M NOT TRYING TO BE NEGATIVE THIS IS JUST DOING A NUMBER ON ME OUGH
HEY GET OFF MY SANDY OI
RELEASE MY MAN
COME ON TURTLE
Bro literally has to face his trauma to save his friend what the heck turtle that’s so rude—
OKAY WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO WATCH THIS? I’ve tried two separate types of headphones (one stolen from my brother) a friend’s tv and just my computer’s speakers and the audio volume difference in the voices vs the music is STILL jarring. Like???? I have it turned up so much just to HEAR the voices and TRY to understand them and then the music kicks in and its bLARING and AGGRESSIVE and NOT IN A CINEMATIC WAY. dear gods its like they made monkie kid as unfriendly to watch as possible for me what is going on I’M TRYING TO ENJOY MY MONKIE SHOW STOP JARRING ME OUT OF IT [SHAKES LEGO UNTIL THEY FALL TO PIECES] I’M TRYING TO ENJOY MK HAVING TO FACE HIS TRAUMA SOMETHING I’VE HIGH KEY WANTED TO WATCH SINCE SEASON 1 WAILS
Acknowledging the “okay, i want to push that away, but i’m not going to” is really neat i like that
Hello disembodied voice
Okay, i may not be vibin with the audio, the animation, or the jokes in this ep, but my GODS does Ashe know how to write brutal dialogue. The reason Mk being so afraid of his monkey powers is because he likes it?? Oh yeah, I’m down with that i am SO down for that, I have been clawing at that concept for AGES, I am SO DOWN
So who’s going to be trying to control mk this season? Snake guy?? Newbie?? The choosing yourself and making your own path is really heavy handed so far hL;GJKASDF
Sandy’s advice?? GOD TIER. We love that. I love actual good advice in cartoons thank you
Conversations with self!!! OHHH OHH I LIKE THE EXHALE
TAT WAS NICE
OKAY SO THE HWOLE MIND SEQUENCE I’M A HUGE FAN OF
TERES MY BOY
Sandy’s trigger word is Worthy huh he dont’ like thatLKGMA;OWEFWHEEZE
nah we are so glad Mk has Sandy here actually that is so good I’VE BEEN WANTING SANDY MOMENTS FOR SO LONG AND WE GOTTEM THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU like, the rest of what i said still stands but the emotional beats still hit really nicely and I’m very grateful we still have that!
Yeah that car is gonna get smashed by mei or pigsy and tang yeah yup there we go
oH WOW-oh nvm there it goes
well ! Wonder what mei found! That felt like a little bit of a clunky ending bit for some reason i can’t explain but! Big fan of the Sandy and Mk content I love them, totally deserved, been wanting Sandy talk like that for AAAAGES BLESS
Okayokay, always ending on positive note so lets go over one more time: Mk’s talk with himself? BANGER. Once he got talking, I really liked the dialogue and I really liked the vibe of the whole thing, Loved his exhale, loved the admittance of that all being part of him and that he chooses to work on other parts of him that is AWESOME and super cool to see depicted the way it was all cinematic and cool we love that. Love diving into a little bit of the complexities of our man Sandy! Love him opening up a bit to Mk so he can see he’s not alone in his struggles! That Sandy’s got something like that too and he’s still one of the most wonderful kind people Mk knows! The people who Mk has surrounding him are all exactly what he needs and that’s really cool!!! Ough okay welp, maybe I will be thinking about Sandy and Mk’s dyname for the rest of all time RAAAAAAA I REALLY enjoyed how they wrote them there.
Thanks for reading! Sorry I’m still a bit all over the place with my reactions, i feel like I keep repeating the same things but by GOSH the audio is THROWING ME. But yeah that was a nice way of addressing some of Mk’s trauma, even if it was only for like three minutes, its well done and I enjoyed it! very excited to see they can still nail those emotional bits. HOPE Y’ALL HAVE A SPECTACULAR DAY AND GOOD VIBES HUNT YOU DOWN RELENTLESSLY. KNOX OUT
#knox rambles#knox reacts#comeback kid#Diolgoue was really hard for me to hear in this one i'll probably have to go back and relisten to the turtles whole spiel#anyway continues to be some mild salt ?? in these reactions now which i'm a little sad about but it is what it is i guess :(#I think this was still my favourite ep so far raaaa bites#anyway who knows maybe i'll get another ep within the next century! see you then! H;LGKSADF#this is one of the shortest reacts i've ever donelKMGSADF#my gosh#once again pls don't take anything i say too seriously if you love these eps to bits i ain't trying to trash its just how i'm feeling o7#love y'all peace OOOOUT#monkie kid salt#(we'll tag it just to be safe even if i'm not feeling salty hGLSDJF)
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its kind of funny to me that in the comics supergirl kind of occupies the spot for like the edgy superman. which is kind of weird for her typical role as kid sidekick to superman because her thing as a character (at least the versions of her character that i like) is that she doesn't have a reason to help anybody and doesn't like earth. edgy superman. but she's also the kid sidekick. strange juxtaposition
#it obviously depends on which comic you're reading#cause like there are completely different versions of supergirl depending on which version we're talking about#there's like 3 different supergirls with 5 different backstories#there's the one where she's a kind of slime goop that mimics the form of a girl--that was matrix#that was the version from the 80s that continued into the 90s--the weird run that had like angels and demons and stuff#god that one was weird#then there was the main one which is kara zor el but she has like 3 different backstories on her own#there's the argo city one which is truly horrible where like she watches thousands of people die in front of her#that one was most recently used in the supergirl woman of tomorrow comic written by the vile tom king at least as far as i'm aware#then there was the pod version (the more popular one) which has two variations on its own#variation one was that she's actually older than superman but got stuck in suspended animation for like 25 years#and variation two where she's just younger than him and i don't know how that works#of course the argo backstory is also the pod backstory they're not incompatible#it does beg the question of which you think is more tragic:#waking up one day to find out everyone you ever knew is dead and gone or watching them all die slowly in front of you#anyway the third super girl is power girl who is super girl except older so she's power girl because they didn't do a 2 spider man thing#this is easy to follow right#oh right and apparently they made a completely new backstory for her in my adventures with superman though i never watched that#because i still have to finish the supergirl cw show which is ANOTHER version of her character where she's 24 instead of a teenager#which sounds like a small thing but it literally turns her into a completely different character#i mean like powergirl is a completely different character isnt she#what was i talking about? right i kind of liked new 52 supergirl at least the first few issues#i really liked the disorientation of “where am i who are these people where's my family” she goes through#shame it kind of sucked#i'm probably not going to finish the CW show by the way. i'll probably give up halfway through season 3 if we're being optimistic
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oo midnight beauty [opening the container] how romantic (stealing grapes)
#just me hi#that's a nice name for some grapes hfsh :)#they're so right btw these grapes are pretty..#dark and looking lightly frosted. kissed by moonlight even in the sun#also seedless!! i love purple grapes hfsh :3#concord are okay man ; i don't see why you'd Like the seeds but whatever fills your moat lol#//i have a mic atm (my sister's headphones she doesn't use anymore (mine now ehegh)) and i was playing around w/ them yesterday on soundtra#old audio on there. do you ever. do you. [lays down and stares at the ceiling]#i'm so happy. it's so cool how the present let's us enjoy the past hbhsv#cool cool cool [continues staring]#//m gonna work on bl.s today :)#i'm a bit nervous abt the whole thing not being up to my expectations but i'm a pretty finicky audience so we're throwing the critic's#opinion out hbfsh#//ouhhr i'm out of grapes... my midnight beauties...... eaten............#i can go grab more rn so 'm gonna go do that lol :)#maybe i'll pop back later!! who knows#i need to do some things i've been neglecting. ooo...#alrighty toodles :3
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#tw vent#ah yes logging back into tumblr to yeet this and then going#i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere i will persevere#i've never felt this much like an alien in my entire fucking life and that's saying something from someone who was excluded in primary#school and has been since (regularly called devil spawn as well isn't it lovely)#i'm sick and tired of this#i never planned to make it past 18 but i did it regardless out of sheer fucking spite and will and wanting it to get better#and here i am six years later and just as miserable#except this time i won't have to spend weeks discreetly hoarding a stash because i never threw it out#and i know that's not the thing to do and that i should continue to press on and all that and believe it will get better but like#at this point i'm not sure if; even if things do get better that i'll even be in a position to appreciate it?#i feel fucking broken and i have been so utterly numb for most of my life#i don't know how to make friends and even less about how to keep them#i've spent my entire life trying to fit in and getting mocked and bullied for being weird#i adapt personality traits of everyone around me for the sake of never risking upsetting anyone or putting myself at chance of ridicule#i don't even know who i am at this point- i don't think i've ever known myself because by the time i became a teen#i was already hurting myself just so i could get some of my frustration out without making a scene or trouble anyone#it took six years for anyone to notice; six fucking years and even then all i was met with was anger#i hate being excluded and i hate being left out and people keep doing it and i keep doing it to myself#because i don't want to be here anymore but i don't want to hurt anyone so i remove myself from social relations so no one will miss me#i feel so fucking alone and it's all my own fault and i'm so scared to do anything about it#how can anyone want to spend time with someone who doesn't even know themselves? i'm a mess i'm sorry i needed to process my thoughts#but i guess i'll persevere#my cat needs me to#tw suicidal ideation#tw self harm
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going crazy about kaz brekker hours
#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow*#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her#and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back#and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever#is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve#and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings#and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN#i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE)#someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight)#Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker#and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like#to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high.#and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can#currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod#they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS#okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them.#mia's reading
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since 2022 is almost over i’ve been thinking about all the movies i watched this year and man, nothing really compares to watching elvis in the theaters. the only other movie i had gone to see during covid at the time was no time to die the year before (since it was daniel craig’s last bond film) and prior to that i hadn’t gone to see a film in the theater since knives out came out in 2019. i’ve loved baz lurhman ever since i was old enough to watch moulin rouge, so i kind of figured i’d like elvis but man, i never expected to care so much about a film like elvis the way i do. and not only that, but the experience itself. the sheer fucking spectacle of this film is one that i don’t know will ever be surpassed for me, because i saw this film eight times in the theater and wondered if it would ever fail to meet the expectation set by that initial viewing, and it never did. not once. it was good every. single. time. i sat in just about every row you could think of and it was not only consistently good, it almost surpassed itself with every subsequent viewing. in 23 years i can’t think of a single movie that has ever made me feel that way. what elvis accomplished is nothing short of miraculous in every way imaginable. i’ve talked about how elvis as a film made me care about a man that only ever existed as a fixture of rock n’ roll music, another name for the history books, a name that mattered in the context of music my folks grew up listening to more than i did. a movie carried on the shoulders of a relative unknown compared to every other major musical biopic to come out in the last few years (bohemian rhapsody and rocketman bolstering far more recognizable star power in rami malek and taron egerton respectively), a name that i hope will go on to even greater heights as a result of his performance and his work ethic. a movie that has given me an experience unlike any other before it, one that i try to relive every time i watch it on my own. a movie that will always be one of the greatest experiences i’ve ever had the privilege of seeing on the big screen.
elvis 2022 man. elvis 2022.
#to further illustrate my point: i went and saw avatar the way of water in theaters this week#which i saw in 3D#and yeah it was definitely a cool experience#but it was nothing like elvis#the sequel to one of the highest grossing films of all time in one of the most immersive worlds on the big screen#and it will never compare to the feelings elvis made me feel as a film#i genuinely don't know if i'll ever experience anything like it again#and honestly? i don't need to#would it be nice if i did? sure#but i'm not going to go looking for it#i don't need anything to be the next elvis 2022#it would defeat the point i think#i just want to remember that movie for what it was and continue to relive it every time i sit down to watch it#even if i'm sitting at home on my couch#lion.txt#and if you think i'm emo about it now just wait until we get further into awards season lmao#i will have Things To Say for sure#elvis 2022#austin butler#elvis presley
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Fuck it, they/them until further notice.
#me#Probably the closest this blog ever gets to faceposting#Also probably the last non-writing content I'll post#But whatever it's been messing with me for months time to fuck around and find out#I don't owe androgyny to anybody I just want to know what I am#But 'guy' barely fits anymore and 'girl' is like trying to put gloves on my feet#So yeah I'm trying NB out. Maybe it fits. Maybe I just continue to feel like a misfit in everything.#Having a minor anxiety attack about this even though there's nobody to see it so I guess at least that's still the same#Now how the fuck do I talk to my partner about it fml
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So I've finished Transformers: Exodus and, for God's sake, I adore this book. It was really interesting and surprisingly thoughtful, cuz it brought up a lot of hard and heavy themes.
And now I really want to share one of my personal favorite moments of all book and discuss its themes.
But, before I begin I am obligated to warn you about spoilers. If you want to read TF:Exodus absolutely don't read my post. Ok? Good. So, once again, brace yourself for a scene analysis! Also, this is all my opinion, I might be wrong.
Now, the scene I talk about is battle between Sentinel Prime and Megatron. I'll let you read it before I continue on what I love about it.
Now, remember me praising this book for bringing up heavy themes? Yeah, this is an apogee of that statement. Like this one scene makes us question so much and makes us wonder who is right. Yet the best part is that it's no one IMO.
So, the first big question, that came to my mind reading this was who should I root for?
Now, from watching TFP and other Transformers media we all expect Decepticons be bad and every Autobot/bot who supports their cause to be automatically a good character. Yet TF:Exodus absolutely changes the narrative. Sentinel Prime isn't in any capacity a good person. He is the one who proposed and made to life the caste system, the one who made millions upon millions bots suffer just because they could transform into certain thing, the one who gave D-16 the reason to became Megatronus. (Let me clarify something. D-16, Megatronus and Megatron are all the same person, yet I'm inclined using this separation for clearance of speech. D-16 is a slave, Megatronus is a gladiator/revolutioner and Megatron is a tyrant/dictator. Though it isn't really true, since Megatron quickly changed his name, but I feel it'll be easier to comprehend what point of character ideology I'm talking about). Thousands of bots were living their long life in the mines, in the pits of polluted cities just because they were born with a specific transformation. He reaped what all this unfortunate, unnamed bots sow. Sentinel Prime is the person who is responsible for deaths and, even more terrible, lifes millions of bots had. Honestly, I don't remember why he decided that caste system was a good idea, but in grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. Let's be frank, SP had time to change the system, yet never did. Why? Because it directly benefited him. Why change something if it makes your life better at the cost of unnamed, distant slaves that you can ignore?
Yet I can't find myself rooting for Megatron. And this is a question, that was brought up by the book and for which I have no answer.
When the reasonable sacrifice becomes unstoppable massacre?
Now, revolution isn't something that usually ends up with no victims. As Megatronus states nothing was changing while him and Orion discussed the problem. The higher class wouldn't do anything if they were asked nicely, which we can clearly see in the books. So to make themselves heard, gladiators decided to do terrorist attacks, which is while understandable, yet directly contradicting to their own ideology (we'll get to it later). But, when is this enough? This question is indirectly asked by Sentinel Prime. Are the deaths of Bumper and Fastback were necessary? Now, I'm not sure that I, at least for now, possess any means on discussing this kind of question. And this is what I like! It isn't just yes or no, good or bad. We want to hate Sentinel Prime and be on Megatronus' side, but it isn't that easy. Because it's not Megatronus anymore. It isn't this idealistic bot, who only wants freedom for himself and his people. No, Megatronus is long gone. And now there's someone new. Megatron. Now, while I can't discuss necessity of deaths of other persons, since I consider myself unprepared for this kind of talks, I can point out the moment when I think revolution became Megatron's secondary mission.
No, I'm not talking about scene where Orion became Prime, though it is really important. I'm talking about the brief moment when he torn out Bumblebee's voice box.
Was it necessary? Probably yes, since Bee was an enemy's spy. Yet what makes it a very important scene is that in this particular moment, Megatron forgets about his own cause. His ideology was about freedom of speech and choice for people like him. So wouldn't it mean that Decepticons should respect a someone's choice becoming an Autobot? But it never happens. I'm not saying that Megatron should've let BB go with praises and a smooch on the forehead. But when the ideology founder doesn't play by his own rules, why would people following him should? And this is why I love this book and this moment. Guys, I'm not saying I've read much and maybe I just have very low standards, yet this is such a good scene! I never thought I'd say it, but the story about space aliens who fight each other, while smoking intergalactic crack is one of the most realistic stuff I've ever seen! Megatron's idea was brilliant yet the execution and envy destroyed everything good. Megatron was right at first, but when he stopped caring for his own people that's when it all went downhill. And this scene just keeps getting better. Call me slowpoke (cuz this is what I am), but writing this made me realize about what delusion OP talked about in TFP and about what SP was talking about in this moment. Megatron is no revolutionary anymore. He is a tyrant. He long forgot about his cause, the only thing he cares about now is getting back at Optimus. His delusions make him think he's doing the right thing for a good cause, yet he never fully understands that he becomes something he has sworn to destroy. Now he is ignoring his people, sending them to endlessly and pointlessly die on the battlefield or by his own hands just for disobeying his orders. Megatron couldn't care less about the caste system he had already wiped out of existence. The envy, the pain and the "betrayal" got to his head, twisting his mind and even driving him crazy. And people tend to find an excuse for their own wrongdoings, so they can feel better about themselves. Megatronus' idea became Megatron's excuse.
And this is so deep and so realistic. I love how Alex Irvine approached Megatronus' fall and Megatron's rise, our necessity for choosing the lesser evil out of two morally questionable ideologies. And giving us the opportunity to decide for ourselves.
I hope you now understand why I adore this scene so much😉
#tfp#transformers#transformers prime#maccadam#transformers exodus#sentinel prime#megatron#tfp megatron#aligned continuity#tfp optimus prime#optimus prime#bumblebee#tfp bumblebee#i don't think somebody will ever see this but oh well#i just wanted to express my genuine love for this book#and tfp at this point#i love overanalyzing stuff#tf is my hyperfixation#and I'll make it everyone else's problem#also i don't know how to feel abt Sentinel. he did kinda try to change smt in the end yet it was already too late#and i absolutely love Megatron's character yet i won't idolize him. i love to hate him and i love to understand him
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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Ever since finishing Journey I've been restless, without a creative focus, and without even many mundane demands since my kids are all in school now.
It's a real trip, by the way, going from a decade-plus spent as a 24/7 on call caregiver with barely the time to form a full coherent thought, to... a pampered housewife with few demands on her time.
I keep asking Sam if I should get a real job. Our "deal" -- which was only ever the deal that I proposed, and clung to, throughout those hard years when even being by myself in the shower felt like a snatched luxury...the deal was, that after the crunch was over, I'd get two years to write and market a novel.
Well. Journey took five years to write, and hasn't been sold yet. But it's still useful for me to be home and flexibly "on call" for childcare in case of illness or Sam having an out-of-town conference or whatever, and also I do still cook every night. I'm not entirely useless. Just...mostly.
One day not so long ago Sam came into the bathroom in the middle of the day, when I was having a luxurious candlelit bubble bath soak. "Should I...get a job?" I asked weakly.
"Nah," he said. "You're fine. You do plenty."
But I objectively do...not that much. I have SO MUCH time in the day now, I have hella time, and I'm not even writing. Journey is in the slush pile with Baen and I don't have a current project. I'm getting itchy and restless with it. It's like I'm retired at 47.
I don't have a conclusion for this. It's just where I am. It's not a bad place by any measure; no, I'm incredibly lucky. I've always been so fucking lucky.
#I don't even think it was ever my luck#I think it was Sol's#so I should not count on it going forward but I'm so glad he has it because he really needs it#and the thought that I'll be here for him so long as he needs me is very comforting so I'll continue to believe it#I know that I'm smart and I know that I'm a good writer but also I know that mostly I'm lucky#even back in college my bff called me a wild irish child with the luck of the fairies#it's obvious to anyone around me that I have poor judgment and worse impulse control and all the luck under heaven#I don't even believe in astrology or w/e but that one time I was in Seoul and a friend of my dad's paid for a star chart analysis#they were like 'well she's doing her best to kill herself but she won't succeed because the universe won't let her'#and I have to admit that has in fact been my experience#anyway yeah Sol is my fairy gift (conceived on Midsummer's Eve in a fertility ritual that was MEANT TO BE FOR MY GARDEN)#spill your seed on the fertile earth I said to Sam#no we won't use any other contraception bad for the magic I said#I don't think you get to call a child a surprise that's conceived in a midsummer fertility ritual in your backyard#but I MEANT IT FOR MY GARDEN#to be fair the tomatoes were great that year#and now I have a Strange son and I believe the luck was always for him
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