#I don't know anything about the documentary itself or how accurate it is

[charlesoberonn]

Tell me you know nothing about history without telling me you know nothing about history

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg tier 3

tier 1, tier 2, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7, tier 8

into the waters:

cricket and clover:

also known as the cabin album, this is the scrapped album that panic! wrote in 2007 when they locked themselves in a cabin in nevada (hence the nickname). according to a tweet from jon, 14 songs were written for the album, only 3 of which ever saw the light of day [i]. however, this tweet seems to have been deleted.

one song was folkin’ around, which of course made it onto pretty. odd.

another was nearly witches, which made it on vices & virtues, but the demo version is very different from the official version. you can listen to the demo here [ii].

the last song that we know of from this album is it’s true love. this song was performed once in 2007 at summerfest; unfortunately, the quality isn’t the best [iii]. however, this song still gives good insight into what the album would’ve sounded like, which is very different from fever but similar to pretty odd (although sources state the album still sounded very different from both previous and future works) [iv].

the album was intended to be a concept album, with each song leading into the next story wise. it would tell a love story between two people named cricket and clover [iv].

in 2018, jon also tweeted that he found some cricket and clover demos at his dad’s house, but it seems he does not have the authority to release them [iv]. genius also released a number of song titles, but jon also said that those names were not accurate [i].

we also have this image of ryan’s handwritten lyrics for songs unreleased from the album.

besides these small snippets of information, it’s safe to assume this album will remain lost to time forever, unless someone gives jon the permission to leak the demos (please).

i’m afraid that i:

on the 2006 summer tour, and specifically on live in denver, panic! covered karma police by radiohead. this entry refers to a part of that song in which ryan sings the line “i’m afraid that i.” ryan fans became obsessed with this clip and it’s taken on a life of its own.

you smell like a slut:

this also references a clip from the live in denver dvd. rather than explaining it, i’ll just let the video explain itself.

the moat:

in 2010, ryan tweeted at one of his friends that he could “float in [ryan’s] moat until he gets settled,” implying that ryan has a moat around his house [v].

i also found this panic! confession, but i’m not sure of the legitimacy of the claim nor of the house in the photo actually being the home ryan lived in (i hope it wasn’t) [vi].

eta: i think that actually is his house because in a podcast, he talks about how people have shown up to his house and made him scared to even open the door for the mailman :( with that being said, i removed the original image because i don't feel comfortable having a pic of his house in this (idk if he still lives there, but regardless). it is still in the source i linked if you're really curious, but it should go without saying that no one should show up to his house.

it’s the end of the electric guitar era:

this is a clip from the documentary, the calendar business, in which ryan says he was so frustrated with one of his guitars. so, he said “it’s the end of the electric guitar era” and burned it.

i’ll also link the full documentary here because it’s an interesting watch itself! [vii]

coachella:

for a few years, ryan went to coachella. i know he was definitely at 2015 and 2016, but also maybe 2011 and 2013 [viii].

he was also pictured with cristofer drew at one of them (nevershoutnever) which doesn’t mean anything significant; it’s just an interesting tidbit to me because nsn started my emo phase lmao

gabe saporta:

my king.

gabe saporta, formerly of midtown and cobra starship (both incredible bands that you should check out), was an absolute icon of fueled by ramen bandom. in the presplit days, he and ryan were buddies, as were most bands on that label, but after the divorce ryan got to keep gabe. they used to frequently post on instagram hanging out. we don’t really see them together much these days, but to be fair, ryan disappeared from the internet and gabe is the father of two kids. so i’m sure they’re still friends offline!

there is also this absolutely iconic friends or enemies interview that gabe did with ryan that everyone should watch here [ix] (also guy ripley saying “delicious” in the background at the end means everything to me).

eta: this post was made before gabe made all of those zionist comments about the genocide in palestine, so i feel i should clarify that he is no longer my king and it's free palestine and fuck israel forever :)

vicky t:

victoria asher, professionally known as vicky t, is another former member of cobra starship. she and ryan did hang out in the presplit days of course, but also some in the post split days. it seems she remained friends with all of panic! though.

however, vicky is extremely problematic and transphobic, which is detailed more here [x]. she also works with britney spears these days, and from what i can tell, britney’s fans do not have good things to say about vicky. but this is really not the place to dive into that.

keltie and jac podcast and books:

so kitty from glee and two of ryan ross’ exes start a podcast…

seriously though, keltie knight, jac vanek, and becca tobin run a podcast called lady gang, and ketlie and jac have discussed ryan on it before. in this interview from 2017, they say that they met because of a mutual ex, saying, “he was kind of known for a minute” and, “we don’t speak the name; it’s like voldemort.” [xi]. they also say they’re not sure if he’s still alive, and well…valid. in a tumblr post from 2018, an anon states that keltie talked about selling ryan’s clothes in an episode and that she and jac were saying mean things about him [xii]. also, in this podcast episode from last year, jac and keltie talk about ryan from about 05:25 to 08:10; they wonder if he has a girlfriend and what he is up to now, and keltie talks about how she regrets being messy in the relationship and writing her book, and how she tried to contact him when hobo died [xiii].

i’ve already talked about it some before, but in 2010, keltie released a book called “rockettes, rockstars, and rockbottom.” this book has an entire section dedicated to her relationship with ryan called “the dreamer” – the dreamer being the alias she uses to refer to him throughout. when describing the beginning of their relationship, she talks about how young he was very often, saying he was still a child and that he had a hard time passing for even 14, amongst other examples. as i said in tier 2, the age gap in their relationship was important because of the power dynamics, as evidenced in the book. from what i gather from the book, their relationship was messy, codependent, and, for lack of a better word, toxic. keltie is allowed to talk about her life, but it doesn’t sit right with me that she went into intimate detail about their relationship when ryan is such a private person. ryan was definitely not innocent in this relationship either, though; they both had their issues that they needed to work out on their own rather than keltie trying to fix ryan or him wanting her to. luckily, as i said before, keltie does regret writing the book at least.

if for some reason you’re interested in reading her book, you can find it for free here [xiv]. you just need to make an internet archive account and check it out hourly.

(also a side note that i did in fact listen to lady gang and read keltie’s book for this entry, so please at least give me kudos for that if nothing else)

5th member of 1d:

on march 25, 2015, zayn malik left one direction, and so naturally, people wanted to fuck with their fans. someone edited the official 1d wikipedia page and added ryan under their list of current members. 1d fans on twitter subsequently had meltdowns, exclaiming “WHO IS RYAN ROSS” (i mean c’mon they were in an emotional, vulnerable state). ryan ended up changing his twitter bio to say, “NOT in 1D” and made a tweet about it [xv].

scholarship:

when panic! was first getting its start, ryan received a full scholarship from the university of nevada las vegas for writing. however, he dropped out after one semester to focus on the band, which his dad did not approve of.

he talks about it in live in denver from 58:45 until 59:18 [xvi].

the boy who blocked his own shot:

this is song by brand new off their 2003 album deja entendu (fuck jesse lacey). it’s on this iceberg because ryan loved this song and posted about it on his lj a lot, along with the rest of the album. i know he specifically quoted another song, okay i believe you but my tommy gun don’t, as well.

blinkexists@aol.com:

when ryan was a teenager, this was his email. in fact, it is the email he used to communicate with pete wentz. pete talked about it in this interview with mark hoppus, starting at 02:00 [xvii].

moulin rouge:

this is a movie musical released in 2001 that ryan was obsessed with and one of his favorite movies. i don’t really have any other source for this than trust me bro, but i promise it’s true.

original singer for panic!:

when panic! first started, and even when brendon initially joined the band, ryan was the singer. however, they heard brendon singing back up during brand practice one day and asked him to be the singer rather than the guitarist.

ryan and brendon talk about it some in live in denver from 38:46 to 41:23 [xviii]. specifically my favorite quote from this is, “it felt right to have confident sounding lyrics behind a confident voice.”

(also i’m trying to be objective throughout this but let me just say this for context and transparency: i hate brendon urie LMAO)

guitarist ryan ross declined to be interviewed:

in 2015, billboard published this article for the 10 year anniversary of a fever you can’t sweat out [xix]. they reached out to multiple people to interview for the article, including brendon, jon, pete wentz, producer matt squire, manager scott magelberg, and bob mclynn. underneath this, it says spencer and brent could not be reached. it also says, “guitarist ryan ross declined to be interviewed.” people just thought it was funny because he would decline. he is living the hermit life for real.

so that’s all for tier 3. next we move onto a deeper layer, when i really feel like we get into some stuff the average fan wouldn’t know, which i am excited to delve into. gonna be honest though, it’s gonna be a long one.

tier 4

references:

[i] https://panicatthedisco.fandom.com/wiki/Cricket_%26_Clover

[ii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfsssP9lwII

[iii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNE4U5Yy-BE

[iv] https://lostmediawiki.com/Cricket_and_Clover_(partially_found_scrapped_Panic!_At_The_Disco_album;_2007)

[v] https://failross.livejournal.com/61466.html?thread=1787418

[vi] https://panicconfessions.tumblr.com/page/138

[vii] https://vimeo.com/164855487

[viii] https://twitter.com/search?q=ryan%20ross%20coachella&src=typed_query

[ix] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGe0fR5OM80

[x] https://ocalaghan.tumblr.com/post/157422369150/vickytransphobe-master-post

[xi] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEwgcmUJbkE

[xii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171494458406/keltie-talks-about-selling-ryans-clothes-in-one

[xiii] https://www.podcastone.com/episode/LG-QUICKIE-Not-Gonna-Lie-Part-2

[xiv] https://archive.org/details/rockettesrocksta0000coll/mode/2up

[xv] https://www.altpress.com/one_direction_fans_think_ryan_ross_is_joining_the_bandand_theyre_furious/

[xvi] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLWcbA2fhHI&t=3466s

[xvii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLD8sHVgEnA

[xviii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLWcbA2fhHI&t=2326s

[xix] https://www.billboard.com/music/rock/panic-at-the-disco-fever-you-cant-sweat-out-oral-history-pete-wentz-brendon-urie-6707864/

[grimmgrinningghouls]

Ugh I'm annoyed at paleoblr again sorry I have to bitch.

"arks bad because its the first google search result when u look up a dinosaur"

Okay well first of all hows that the game itselfs fault?? Like. the devs have zero control over that thats all google. And second of all thats barely even true!! I went ahead and googled some dinosaurs and here are the top results for those, and by top results I mean what appears when you first look at it WITHOUT scrolling.

Tell me. Wheres the ark dino. Where is it. Where are they where are these ark dinos you bitch and moan about CONSTANTLY. I'm not saying this is the case for every single dino in ark theres like 100's of them so I'm not going to google them all and provide a post with like a mile of screenshots.

and if your talking about the wiki or something being the first to pop up. Where. I actually had to go to page two to find the ark wiki for some of them.

"Little kids are being influenced by ark!!"

And? They're little kids. They are no more influenced by ark then they are jurrassic park/world or dinosaur toys. I can't really talk on the nintendo switch dino discoveries game as I haven't actually played it, dino discoveries is the only informational part of ark, and I am not going to pretend I know anything about that.

But are you seriously telling me you're getting upset at children not having accurate dinosaurs? at children being influenced by a popular piece of dinosaur media?? Dude. Chill.

"but people are treating it as a scientific resource!!"

Literally who is doing that. Anyone who does that probably puts their left shoe on their right foot. I extremely active within the ark community, as in extremely, and I have been since the game came out. I have talked to hundreds, possibly even thousands, of different people about dinosaurs on ark now and NOBODY. not a SINGLE person has ever claimed they thought ark was scientific.

Honestly most of us are well aware the arks deeply inaccurate. Its actually mentioned in game several times, most people don't stop to read the notes but one glance at them and the person whos writing them (a paleontologist btw) mentions that all the dinosaurs are wrong and will talk about the sizes being off or other things like that.

"Well they can't just say its not meant to be accurate and call it fine"

Yeah they can actually. Again, most ark players are at least aware of the games many issues and inaccuracies, its something that is regularly discussed amongst the fanartists and lore buffs actually. The most common people who are misinformed by ark are literal children. Get off your fucking high horse.

Honestly most of the stuff I see people bitching about isn't even arks fault. A lot of it is people ripping the models from the game and using them elsewhere, such as when a (very bad) dinosaur documentary stole arks models and used them to spread misinformation. This was not the fault of ark or wildcard, its not their fault other people take their assets and use them in improper ways. I'm fairly certain that if they can they send cease and desist letters to these people anyways.

[unicorn-gallerexy]

Serial Killer!Matsukawa x Reader: First Date

Being an introverted horror writer was harder than I thought it would be. It wasn't the lack of motivation, or the odd fan letters, or any other typical problem that got me half the time, it was the fact that I've had the police at to my door more than thrice. The first time, I was startled. A published book involving some scarily accurate, previously used methods for a murder, dismember, dispose kind of job and then i get questioned by police a week later due to certain details. Thankfully they later told me that it was a misunderstanding and let me go. Come to find out via the news another week later, they had been investigating a case and one of the scenes had matched up in more ways than one with the actual murder. Similar victim, similar method. A fair mistake, as i was shocked too. They eventually caught the guy, but i couldn't help but be a bit proud.

The second time, the same detectives came by to ask me about some details of a short story i had published on my blog. I keep it around and publish stories that wouldn't do well if I was to try and lengthen them or make them into a book, and had just had a one-off idea. It was typed up in a night, mildly proofread and posted before i crashed and slept only to have a solid few knocks on my door about 2 days later. Similar situation. A few questions, an alibi as solid as a few sheets of paper because i live alone and don't have a partner or many friends who aren't busy, and they left without much fuss. I stayed glued to the news for the next few days but still didn't find out until people tagged my on twitter about the case and how similar it was.

it wasn't like i was trying to do any of it on purpose, i just liked being accurate and the research part was fascinating. Crime series and documentaries, article after article, little tidbits from the internet here and there and the material writes itself. Now, whenever it happens, i take it as a compliment more than anything and keep to answering my door to them with one sentence.

"Whatever similarities are in my story a coincidence and i was home all day like usual." There's a little variation here and there to account for things like shopping or the rare hangout with friends, but the point still stands. Just about every time it happens, i can't help but be giddy. Knowing there will be people old and new flocking to my work because it feels so real, and some even seem to match up with actual crimes. It gives a sense of pride and motivation in my work, but a woman still has needs.

The other hard part about it all isn't one that came with the work. To say i don't like living alone and being to myself is a lie. I enjoy the quiet, no one around to bother me and the ability to focus on my work is lovely. But, that's not to say that i wouldn't enjoy the company of someone every now and then. Friends are fine and dandy and i cherish the days that we're able to spend together, but i can't help but be a bit envious of those with partners and relationships. When i started writing and got published, i was happy but it also gave me another strike in the dating pool apparently. I've been told that i look like the type to write that kind of stuff. From men who heard i wrote horror and ghosted, to those who've read my work and said i was too gruesome, and those who truly believed that i was a murderer solely because of my writing and knowledge. It sucks.

But, a friend has set me up with a friend of a friend and I opt not to turn her down seeing no valid reason to. She seemed so excited to help me out, remarks of how the extended friend fit my type, how he would probably more intrigued by my writing instead of freaked out, etc were constant as the days passed. I appreciated her constant encouragement, still tempering my expectations. With her continuous joy filled pestering, the days pass by fast. I find myself writing short stories to pass time, all of them morbidly starting with blind dates, and turning into a fight for life or a blood bath. I call it simply getting it out of my system and treating first date jitters.

When the night comes, i get dressed in something simple and cute after getting the text from my friend about the location of the date. The entire drive there is more nerve wracking than usual. Had the break from dating been that long? Or was my friend's heavy praise of the guy actually weighing on my mind more than I expected? Either way, my blouse was starting to feel itchy at the collar and i couldn't help but fuss over my my skirt. I question my choices in clothes as i park and get out of the car, the restaurant in front of me looms over and brings a new wave of anxiety. As my eyes scan over it again, my eyes finally catch on the guy standing off to the side of the door. Before i can give him a proper once over, i'm being waved over, his hand extended in greeting as i approach.

With greetings exchanged, i learn his name finally: Issei Matsukawa. As we go in, i see him fall into a natural lead type of role. The restaurant is classy but casual, Issei asking for the table reserved under his name and guiding me with a gentle hand on my center back. I take the short bit of time to properly look him over. He's tall, tan and the sleepy expression adds to the alluring smirk he keeps. His voice is deep, conveying a sense of confidence and control whilst remaining soothing, wrapping you in a sense of security. He's dangerous and i can tell. I've watched too many shows, written and read to many stories to not at least take note of the similarities but i go with the flow and allow him to guide me into my seat before sitting himself.

"So, Makki tells me that you're a horror novel writer. Ya have fun or is it more of a drag now?" I tilt my head at the question as I look at the menu, other men normally try to avoid my writing but this is a nice chance of pace.

"It's still fun. Didn't think I'd be under so much suspicion, but I say that adds to the fun. You, on the other hand, were left as a mystery to me. What do you do for a living?" When I ask, the smile that he gives sends a cold shiver down my spine. He's smiling, it reaches his eyes, but I can't shake the feeling of something being mildly wrong about the expression.

"I work in a funeral home. I can kinda relate about to the suspicious thing, the amount of times I've had people question me over crimes that happen within my area is ridiculous, but I guess fair. Adds to the fun though, right?" The smile gets just a bit wider, as do his eyes, he looks more awake. I hum, and can't help but laugh a little. Though he seems curious, he holds his question until after the waiter that comes up leaves with our orders.

"What's the giggling about?" He tilts his head after resting his chin on top of his hands, eyes full of intent. I can't help but give my own smile in return.

"Nothing really. I just think I should start taking a break from writing so much, that's all." I gently shake my head as I grab for my drink, taking a sip as we fall just a bit too easily into conversation. He's charismatic and charming, easy to talk to and funny. I still can't shake the feeling that it feels like something out of a thriller movie or book, even as we get our food or after. As we both finish up, he insists on walking me to my car. I oblige to be nice, but once there I stand in front of the back.

"Well, I had a lovely time tonight." I conclude, hearing him hum in agreement as he slips his hand into his pocket. His keys jingle as he slips them out of his pocket, his height seeming towering as he stands just a bit close for comfort.

"So, can I tail you home? I know it sounds odd, but I'm only offering because there's supposedly a serial killer running around. You can say no, if you like." His eyes and stance say something different, he stopped me before I could balk at such an odd question and the way he's starting to lean ever so slightly over me is actually intimidating. Another shiver travels up my spine, and I slide between him and my car to get around to the driver's side.

"I appreciate it, Issei. Really, a sweet gesture but I think I'll be just fine." I stand up straight, and look him in the face the entire time. Even as he straightens up, even as he closes his eyes and gives a simple shrug.

"If you say so but, that aside, can I see you again?" Why did it sound so sinister? The feeling of something being off with him finally forms itself into a single thought.

'He's too perfect.'

He's got this face of perfection, voice to accompany it and a facade like a man trying to hide something evil. There's plenty that says we should end it here, one date and it's done. On the other hand, there's something all too alluring about meeting someone who's exactly what I aim to write. When I agree, he seems equal parts surprised and pleased.

He can't stop smiling as we exchange numbers, he's honestly giddy as he makes his way back to his car acrosd the lot. Even then, he watches me get in before he gets in himself and let's me leave before even cranking on his car.

He might've seen my license place, but he didnt realize I gave him by burner number.

Let the cat and mouse game begin.

[gffa]

I do get that Star Wars fans can be quite anti-religious in their views of the Jedi, but I think that also might be because the actual religious aspects of the Jedi aren't really expanded too much on, so people fill it with what they know, and many people are just very familiar with Christianity,  even if they don't want to be.

I agree with this a lot.  Star Wars doesn’t really explicitly state very often that the Jedi are a religion and a culture, which is further confused by their connection to the Senate, and that we don’t really have a perfect real-world analogy to compare them to.  They’re not purely a government agency, but their culture is one that is tied to the government. It’s further complicated by that we’re primed by so many other popular media franchises basing their religions on the way Christianity works, both in terms of structure and in how we relate to it--like how we have the idea that, if you’re religious, well, your faith must be the same as your morals, which must be the same as your ethics, which is something that I don’t think the Jedi believe. They say, “Feel your emotions, but control yourself before you hurt someone.” and “We’re married to our Order, rather than to a specific person.” and they don’t believe these things are fundamental truths about the way the galaxy should work, but instead that it’s how they work.  We know they don’t believe this has to be true for everyone because they speak really warmly of people who leave to go live other types of lives--they defend Dooku right up until it’s undeniable that he’s leading the Separatists, they have busts of people who’ve left right there in their library, they get along with people who left to go fall in love (Star Wars 2015 ongoing), they talk warmly about how they can go on to be leaders or just quietly live their own lives (Dooku: Jedi Lost) and all of it is said with respect. So, because we’re so used to religious people framing their beliefs as morals and ethics, we’re primed to think the Jedi do the same, despite that they very clearly don’t. As well as most people default to Christianity because that’s what we’re primed to do, as well as there’s a fairly common thing in a lot of fandoms where influences are treated the same as portrayals of something.  That, if something is inspired or influenced by a real-world culture, then it’s meant to be judged by the idea that it’s a 1:1 relationship to that element.  Which I don’t think is fair--because the Jedi are influenced by Buddhism and Christianity both, but they are not meant to actually be either one of those, they’re not meant to be an accurate portrayal of them, they’re meant to be their own thing. George Lucas has talked about how Star Wars isn’t really tied to one religion, it’s an amalgamation of common themes throughout multiple religions, which I really enjoy, as it gets me to see the Jedi in and of themselves, not as a bastardization of this or that. But it doesn’t help that the movies, TCW, and even the supplementary material doesn’t really do a ton of worldbuilding, so we’re often left to fill in the blanks with assumptions and half-explained stuff, because the Jedi (and I actually really love this about them, but it can be super frustrating) seem to follow George’s belief that the way you teach isn’t to drill-and-kill (ie, rote memorization/over explaining) your students, but to let them figure stuff out on their own, to provide guidance, but let them work through it, so that they’ll remember what they learned. Which translates into the Jedi don’t really directly say a lot of stuff we might wish they would--they say stuff that’s strange to the audience (there’s an OT documentary where George talks about writing Yoda’s dialogue as deliberately wonky so that the audience would have to really think about what he said and parse it out for themselves), they don’t fire back with more plainly stated rebuttals to stuff.  Ie, the whole “brainwashing” thing could be shut down with a simple, “So, any culture who raises their children within that culture are brainwashing them, too, huh?”, but that’s not how the Jedi talk, look at Qui-Gon in the deleted scene from The Phantom Menace, where Anakin is beating up little Greedo and Qui-Gon interrupts to stop it, and asks if Greedo still thinks Anakin cheated.  He does.  Anakin knows the truth about himself, though, so he has to make peace with that Greedo disagrees.  I find that sort of sums up the Jedi a lot, they know themselves and so they don’t feel the need to snap back with retorts, even when I sometimes dearly wish they would.  (It has to get reasonably serious before a Jedi will go, “Hey, that’s not a fair accusation, back off.”) And that means it’s a lot harder for me to point out a specific thing and go, “Here’s what’s really going on.” and instead have to show a pattern of behavior and connect a bunch of WOG quotes together and it winds up being a lot of reading, even when I can make a pretty thorough case. But because we don’t have a ton of actual worldbuilding (seriously, we barely know anything about how Jedi life works), we’re left to headcanon things or make assumptions and because it’s not filled in very well, it gets easy to lean on what we’re used to seeing in other franchises and popular media. Hell, even all of the above is only really the tip of the iceberg when it comes to talking about this kind of stuff, because we’re not even getting into the way societal trends can influence us, the way sub-societal trends can come in waves, the way there’s a multitude of different groups coming in with different experiences that shape different view points, and a crapload of other things. Honestly, I’m not sure even all of the people who are creators (like of the comics and novels and such) really think of the Jedi in terms of them being a religion and a culture, rather than just like a long-term boarding school, because there’s precious little in the actual canon that states it plainly and, instead, it’s more about how you step back and look at the bigger picture.  That you see them raising children, you see them creating art, you see them with sacred rituals and history, you see them with traditions and prayers, you see them with an aesthetic that’s specific to them, you see them with their own words for the aspects of their culture that are unique to them, etc.  And you realize, oh, yes, that is absolutely a religion and a culture unto itself. (As a disclaimer, this doesn’t apply to everyone, SW audiences are not a monolith, I’m only speaking to my own experiences and progression as a SW fan and experiences in previous fandoms with some bigger inter-fandom trends.)

[theunmappedstar]

might i add! sophie has a 4k t.v. (don't ask how) and whenever her boys are sick, she finds new netflix shows to binge. keefe and fitz l o v e it. some of their favorites are stranger things, i am not okay with this, and love is blind. don't ask me why those shows. i don't know.

yes!! this is important!!

sophie would love being able to keep up with an aspect of human culture and everyday life – and fitz and keefe would love getting involved, too! human media and entertainment is drastly different from any elvin productions they’ve seen – by far. humans are a lot more… dark? and violent? but…. it’s intriguing. fitz isn’t keen on r-rated movies, though, because the violence gets Very graphic. keefe can only stomach a few. sophie’s kinda just Used to it

i feel like fitz would be into (some) documentaries and movies based on true events. he’s a knowledge sponge, guys! an adorable little nerd! he loves to learn about prominent figures in human culture and pieces of their history. it intrigues him. (and sometimes terrifies him. seriously, how are humans so violent?)

still, even if it gives him a bit of a stomach-ache sometimes, he always appreciates the effort put into the film.

think The Act, Won’t You Be My Neighbor, Miss Americana (Netflix), Gaga: Five Foot Two (Netflix), RBG, Apollo 11, Bohemian Rhapsody… 

also fitz watches Animal Planet and other series similar to it because he loves animals don’t @ me.

okay but fitz is also a sucker for rom-coms and coming-of-age stories

he loves the movies where teenagers find their way in life. he loves the movies where the characters find their soulmate. he loves the tropes and the cliches and the coffee shops. he loves the sweet and sappy movies. and honestly? the cheesier the better.

a few of those get on keefe’s nerves, but for the most part keefe also likes them. (yet, he won’t admit it).

think 16 Wishes, Mean Girls (keefe really likes that one, too), Eighth Grade, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (Netflix), Love, Simon, I Am Not Okay With This (Netflix)….

mystery/thrillers are also hella rad!! fitz loves picking out one and playing a game with sophie and keefe. they want to see who can guess the plot twist or killer first – and whoever can wins a favor (sound familiar ;) )

think Get Out, Black Mirror (Netflix), Gone Girl, Knives Out, Misery, Black Swan…

while fitz is into more psychological thrillers, keefe likes anything and everything generically dubbed ‘freaky’. (he thinks pennywise is pretty cool. he draws him once and sophie is both amazed and off-put by how realistic it looks)

sophie’s pretty into the horror category herself, so her and keefe can empathize on the interest. fitz is downright confused as to how they could enjoy something like that. (if it’s movie time and keefe or sophie picks one of those, fitz claims the Middle Cuddle Spot so that he’s cushioned between the two of them and can easily hide under the covers or their arms.)

keefe also likes comedy, action, chick-flicks, drama, (some) musicals… you know, this boy can basically roll with anything. does he have his favourites? yes. but can he settle down and watch something with sophie and fitz that he wouldn’t normally choose? also yes

think Megamind, Lost In Space (Netflix), Good Girls (Netflix), The Dragon Prince (Netflix), Into The Spiderverse, Pitch Perfect, Mamma Mia!, Easy A, Dirty Dancing, Us….

let’s state the obvious – keefe and fitz are both into disney. especially disney princess movies. 

and i’m serious about that!!! not as a joke, like, “oh, haha, they like the princess movies?”

yes bitch they like the princess movies

keefe’s favourite is probably Tangled. 

flynn rider is suave and has keefe’s charm/humor! maximus is tough and snarky when you meet, but he can soften up, and keefe relates to that! pascal knows how to put up a fight! and rapunzel herself is brave and adventurous and there for the people she cares about; and that’s all keefe has ever wanted to do. (also wielding a frying pan as a weapon is badass)

also, as much as it might hurt to say it, keefe relates to rapunzel, the abuse she suffered, and the trap she was in. the strong storyline and accurate depiction hits home.

fitz’s is probably Frozen. he loves the sisterly action they have going there, okay?? like how badass is anna? how badass is elsa? how badass are these women together?

sophie’s is Mulan. she’s such a strong and powerful role model to look up to! and the humor is PEAK.Mulan is also from sophie’s childhood, so that makes it even more special. the fact that she gets to share it with keefe and fitz…. magical.

also sophie lowkey wants to follow in mulan’s footsteps and slice her hair into a bi bob with a sword. see this post of mine ; )

sci-fi gets all of them. they like the adventure and the morals in the stories, the warnings for the future. they like the undiscovered planets, the tricky tech, and the general imagination that went into producing it. 

think The Matrix, Star Wars, Alien, Guardians of the Galaxy, Avatar, Tau (Netflix), Wall-E, I Am Mother (Netflix), Ready Player One…

they all have some shared favourite movies and shows, though, where their tastes align.

 think Stranger Things (Netflix) (they find it seriously freaky and amusing how similar it is to them/their situation), Once Upon a Time (these are the fairytales sophie grew up learning about?), Dark (Netflix) (does it get much better than time travel??), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) (again!! badass women galore!! it’s awesome!!), the OA (Netflix) (it’s shrouded with mystery), the Rain (Netflix) (this one is a big adventure!!), the Umbrella Academy (Netflix) (i mean, c’mon, they have to save the world from the apocalypse, isn’t that pretty rad in and of itself?), A Quiet Place (this one… fucking brilliant. they’re all dead silent as they watch it and it’s such a powerful movie that they feel weird making sound when it finishes… they watch it again and again and again.), Onward (it’s adorable as FUCK and keefe may cry a little everytime they watch it)…

so, yeah! keefe and fitz really appreciate human media (and it especially comes in handy when they’re sick)

but let’s all admit it…. sometimes human productions are extremely Stupid and low-budget/general low-quality. 

so, there’s always fun in picking out a movie or show to laugh/cringe at because it’s just that bad.

take this one chinese television series on netflix

it seriously looked good. it did.

but then they watched it.

it went well at the start but then?? the main love interest?? was just an asshole??

and why did the protag continue to put up with his bullshit?? he punched the wall next to her face until his knuckles were bleeding?? she was crying?? oh and he kissed her repeatedly when she said stop??? oh and now he threw food at her that she spent time making for him???? sophie??? what the absolute fuck are humans on????

the show’s called Meteor Garden (Netflix)

[edengarden]

Hello and if asks are still open may I have a regular match up for BNHA?

Name: Nox

Gender: FTM

Occupation: Student (16 almost 17 yrs old. Jan 4th is b-day)

Sexual orientation: Omniromantic Asexual (male/masculine leaning)

Quirk: Transformative/Mutant, "Zoologic shift" (This quirk allows the individual(s) to transform into multiple animals, but the individual has to have a emotional/special connection or feeling towards the animal and to know it's physical structure to properly shift into the said animal (mythical/made up creatures can be acquired but it is extremely difficult due to the fact of anatomy and bone structure). The user only has a limited time to be in their animal form before they start going feral, if the person is angry or has a different strong negative emotion in animal form, the fast they can become feral (once the user becomes feral they will not remember anything until they have calmed down or are somehow distracted), if the user becomes feral for too long they will not be able to transform back unless they are hurt tremendously or their hatred may take a physical form and eventually kill them from the inside (I guess look at the demons from Princess Mononoke to get an idea of what that is).)

Animals acquired: White Dire wolf, Raven, Orca, Clydesdale, Black Mamba, Barn Owl, Russian Blue House cat, Ram, Fire Dragon, Phoenix, Snake Basalisc

At least 3 positive attributes:

Empathetic (emotional and animal, riots and civil conflict bring me to tears as well as I can feel my friends' pain I and want to cuddle ever dog, cat, etc. I see)

Intelligent (at least in certain subjects like language, art, biology, and physical/hero training), serious (it may come off as intemidation but I just usually mess around)

Diplomacy (I try to avoid any physical fights that can but I will fight as a last resort)

Calm (in most situations I try to keep a level head and it works since when most people need serious help they come to you for advice or to vent)

Justful (kinda speaks for itself)

Soft Blunt and Soft Honest (I am honest with people as well as blunt, but I am not mean or hurtful when I say it)

At least 3 negative attributes:

Anger issues (even though usually calm and serious, when pushed over the edge I can become furious and using my quirk will not help at all)

Self sacrificing (since due to personal circumstances I have started to put other people above me (my friends mostly) and I would do anything, even get myself physically or emotionally hurt for them. It is sorta in a way for having approval for those I care about but mostly is just showing that I care for the people I care about)

Self deprecating with imposter syndrome (it's mostly a form of humor, but I take it far enough where people start to worry)

Dark humor (idk I just like it)

Confrontational (if someone confronts and tries to provoke me I will tell them off but never physically fight back)

Self Righteous (The righteousness is good but usually my self righteousness comes up when it comes to someone's safety or when revenge and anger cloud my judgement)

Children (I don't care for children, but I'm afraid my anger will get the best of me and I'll lash. So that's why I stay away from kids as much as possible for tr he fear of accidentally hurting innocence)

Hahahaha...daddy issues...

Hobby(ies):

Hiking in the woods

Drawing (it's usually vented or dark in some way, but sometimes I like drawing people and animals or characters)

Cosplaying

Cooking

cApTuRinG sOuLs-

Learning about Witchcraft/Supernatural/Celestial

Music Taste:

Lofi

Anti-Nightcore/Nightcore

Viking Chants

Sea Shanties

Celtic instrumentals

Death metal

Instrumental

Old Rock

Classical

Bands/song writers: Skillet, SKÁLD, Faun, Black Briar, MARETU, Steampianist, Temporex, Penelope Scott, Mirical Music, Alice Cooper, Pink Floyd, Angel Maker, Forest Music, Panic! At the Disco, MESA works design, , Harrison (not too much into bands but here are the general ones I listen too)

Appearance

Eyes: Brown/Black has bags under eyes

Hair: Red (henna dyed), it's frizzy at the tips and it's long (cab length) and thick (I hate it's length, but parents...)

Skin: Pale (warm tone)

Body type: In between Skinny and overweight, wide shoulders, actually muscular

Anything else?: Teeth have tiny canines, sometimes can have wolf ears and tail showing, kinda thick thighs-, 5'6ish, usually wearing school uniform. Hero uniform includes a black Cape with under it being a black mechanical suit that is bullet and elemental proof, boots are sharp and steel toed resembling a wolf's paw, wears a head mask that looks wolfish as well in the front but in the back of the mask has fur in the back (look towards some reference of the princess mononoke headgear) (not completely like a wolf but sorta resembles one), the mask also helps with muffled hearing and sight because I am sensitive to those things.

Traits I look for S/O: Empathetic, kind, cooperative, someone who also finds comfort in darkness or the shade, someone that knows how to take things seriously but also having a humors side, trusting and loyal, someone that can work with others (I'm usually a loner but I try to work with others), someone that would at least like to have a relationship that includes physical affection (I am a touched starved peep-), I guess someone that works, likes, or even somehow resembles an animal, some that doesn't get angry easily and is patient, introvert an extrovert doesn't matter to be (I guess if I had to choose maybe someone in between the 2?), and I guess someone that just tolerates my presence and doesn't or call me a piece of shit.

Traits I cannot be around with a S/O: Anger...I can't be around angry people because they scare me to the point I become panicked, people that work towards apathy (I may be empathetic but with someone that can't or won't return the same comfort when needed, they exhaust me), untrusting, someone who is a dick to everyone except me (it just seems suspicious and hurtful), someone who is closed minded, someone that has joy in hurting other maliciously, someone who loves bright lights/areas/lives by the sun, guess someone who wants a 24/7 therapist (again it can become exhausted and I know how it is...it isn'tthat nice.)

Star sign: Capricorn (sun), Gemini (moon), Cancer (rising)

Personality type: INTJ, Lawful Neutral

HP House: Hufflepuff that isn't afraid to kickass

Fun facts!:

I'm somewhat of an animal whisperer

Obsessed with herbs and Crystals

I know it seemed edgy with my hatred towards light, but in all honesty the late does infact bother and irritate me, especially when it's hot

Intrested in the celestial and supernatural

I look at horror and nature documentaries

I've trained my dog to come when I howl

I guess if loving spicy food counts as a fun fact then count that in

Ehhhhh...switch sub-

cAndLe bOi-

I must apologize if this is a lot, I just wanted the matchup as accurate as possible, but again thank you for having the ask box open and I hope you have a good day!

Honestly while I read your description, all I could think of was Tokoyami!

I think it’s pretty obvious why?? You two share a lot of things in common. The two of you are very calm individuals, and I can see you both being voices of reason not only to the people surrounding you, but to each other as well. In a way, I think you can even tend to challenge each other and even push (to a healthy extent) the other to become the best version of themselves.

The VIBE you two have. It’s almost too good. And while Tokoyami isn’t affectionate in public, he’d be more than happy to indulge in your starvation for touch behind closed doors! Don’t tell anyone, but he’s a straight up cuddlebug. And I can totally see him digging the spiritual/celestial stuff?? Maybe he won’t actually know anything, but he’d be so hyped if you were willing to teach him omg I can totally see this as your go-to type of date, that’s so sweet 🥺

Songs!!

- Breathe (In the Air), Pink Floyd (I honestly see you and Tokoyami straight up vibing to Dark Side of the Moon like no other to be honest)

- In the Lap of the Gods, Queen

- Sense of Doubt, David Bowie (THIS VIBE IS SO DARK AND URGH I CAN SEE THIS AS A V I B E FOR YOU TWO - However, Neuköln could be a close second to portray this vibe!)

- Killing a Little Time, David Bowie

[lastsonlost]

When developer DICE revealed thatBattlefield V would feature playable female soldiers, depicting them as fighting on the front lines of World War 2, there was a swift and predictable backlash. Taking issue on the grounds of historical accuracy, there was a particular group of players who vehemently argued that women almost never served in regular combat on the Western Front.

Less predictable was the fact that Creative Assembly would make a point of changingTotal War: Rome 2, now several years into its life, to feature female generals. Again, a games studio found itself criticized by players who argued that women leading armies in the classical world isn’t historically accurate. What distinguishes these controversies in a landscape that too often features routine harassment of women working in games and complaints about feminist perspectives making their way into more and more corners of gaming is that, in both these cases, the complaints had a grain of truth to them. Both DICE and Creative Assembly were choosing depictions of history that were debatably ahistorical. In each case where we find appeals to "historical accuracy," however, we also encounter the flaws with historical accuracy as a concept. It's a term that supposes the existence of an objectively knowable past, a view which hurts more than it helps when it comes to understanding history.

Kingdom Come: Deliverance was staked much of its identity and setting on this idea of there being something concrete and quantifiable about the distant past. But in reality this was less proof of the game's commitment to historical accuracy than a refusal to question its own biases when it came to the ethnic and sociological history of Europe. In every case, we find an appeal to history as an objective source of truth and judgement about the past. This is naive. The fact is that history—how we view it, the stories we tell about it, the things depicted as normal as opposed to aberrations—is highly political.

The practice of history involves drawing from a pool of documentary sources to form arguments about the past. They’re always based on factual evidence, but these arguments are necessarily subjective. In other words, they’re profoundly colored by our politics. We’re all biased in some way, shape, or form. This explains why people often come to completely different conclusions after examining the same sources of evidence.

And that's where we tend to find backlashes. Consider Company of Heroes 2, which sparked an historical accuracy controversy when it came out in 2013. It wasn't a battle fought by transparently reactionary antifeminists, but was instead about some very real divergences in opinion about how historical evidence and statements should be interpreted.

Complete a few campaign missions inCompany of Heroes 2 and you’ll notice that soldiers are often shot by their own officers when told to retreat. Based on Joseph Stalin’s Order 227—the infamous "not one step back" directive that attempted to stiffen the resistance of a Red Army that was thrown back on its heels by the German invasion—this mechanic is definitely grounded in factual evidence.

The feature still presents a fairly problematic perspective on the past, though. Since retreating soldiers in the game are shot by communist commissars, the argument in Company of Heroes 2seems to be that Order 227 was the product of a political regime which failed to motivate its people. The systematic implementation of this mechanic also implies that Order 227 was routinely carried out. In this the game is echoing (sometimes explicitly) the most famous and dubious scenes in Enemy at the Gates, which depicts "blocking detachments" of Soviet machine gunners who massacre retreating soldiers There’s reason to believe that none of these assertions is entirely accurate. Stalin for example couched Order 227 in the language of patriotism as opposed to oppression; the passage about shooting soldiers for cowardice is one of a series of possible measures that the order allows for, along with more pedestrian measures like cashiering underperforming officers. Reports from the battlefield also indicate that retreating soldiers were rarely shot on the frontlines.

The developer behind Company of Heroes 2, Relic, was immediately criticized for this feature. Pointing to such debatable assertions, a particular group of players called on the company to change the campaign. Relic responded by claiming to have done its due diligence in terms of research. In other words, the developer believed that its game was historically accurate, and had its own evidence to back up its assertions. Who was right?

Though they drew different conclusions from the same sources, the fact is that both sides made valid arguments. The involved parties definitely saw things from opposing political perspectives, though, and wanted to emphasize different aspects of the story of Soviet resistance to German invasion. While some people saw it as evidence for an oppressive and inhumane regime, others took Order 227 as an appeal to patriotism in a time of desperate need, and argued that it was a disservice to the memory of the Red Army to depict its soldiers as being motivated largely by the constant fear of execution. Both views have evidence for them, and each view tends to diminish the valid points raised by the other. Your own interpretation may depend more on whether you're more interested in emphasizing the legacy of Stalinism or the combat performance of the Red Army.

What we choose to emphasize and what we tend to erase was at the heart of theTotal War: Rome 2 controversy. Creative Assembly decided to feature female generals in Total War: Rome 2 nearly five years after the game was released. Play with the latest patch, in other words, and you’ll soon see women leading an army. The change was purely cosmetic (and was itself a knock-on effect from how Creative Assembly revamped how family political dynasties worked).

Were there actually women in command? There are some cases: We know for example that Hatshepsut led an army in Egypt. Boudica did in Britain, too. While these were both powerful women, they were still members of what were probably patriarchal societies. But as an archaeologist with a background in Classics and Egyptology, I have to admit that female generals in the ancient world were probably few and far between. Convincing evidence to the contrary simply can’t be found. Women sometimes wound up on the battlefield, but they seem to have rarely taken up arms under normal circumstances.

The decision to feature female generals inTotal War: Rome 2 came under fire almost immediately. Players were soon calling attention to this nearly complete lack of evidence. Some of them wanted women removed. Responding to the mounting controversy, Creative Assembly stated that it saw the feature as being historicallyauthentic in a game that's never been exactly historically accurate. Since powerful women like Hatshepsut and Boudica prove that men weren’t always in command, there’s definitely an argument to be made that more female generals may have existed than we actually know about. Perhaps their deeds were simply never documented.

There isn’t actually much that we can say for sure about the past. History is mostly a matter of interpretation of available evidence (which itself is constantly evolving as new sources come to light). Some are better supported than others based on the available evidence, but interpretations of this variety are necessarily subjective. History is in, other words, political. It is under constant reconsideration as we attempt to correct blind spots and recover evidence or make hypotheses about what our sources don't tell us, or about what their own biases or blind spots may have been.

Does this mean that we can’t say anything about history? The fact is that we can only grasp at what actually happened by examining a variety of biased opinions and incomplete evidence about the past. This means that it can even be a good thing when games create a bit of historical controversy. Players just need to be open to seeing the past from a new perspective

There are also points where a more accurate depiction of a single aspect of history ends up fueling a legacy of erasure and indifference. If the choice is between a game in which women do not exist because historically they were largely excluded from playing an active role in a setting, and a game which embraces anachronism in order to include them, which is more important? Which depiction gets history "right"? It's also revealing that battles about "historical accuracy" so often about race and gender, and never about things like armies of Ptolemaic Egypt looking more like they belong in Age of Mythology than Total War, or the fact that Battlefield V shows V-1 rockets being used as tactical support weapons in 1940? What's being protected here is not the actual reality of the past (few players complain when ancient combat is made so fantastical it looks more like Lord of the Rings or The 300) but a popular historical memory that has consistently valorized Great Men and Martial Glory and ignored just about everything and everyone else.

The fact is that arguments about the past are often arguments about the present. Becoming a battleground for normative assertions about contemporary society, history stops being about what actually happened. We sometimes use and abuse it for our own purposes. In the case of Total War: Rome 2, the issue at stake was actually gender equality, and the way a popular game about the past has tended to depict the role of women (or not depict it). The same could be said for the controversy about Battlefield V.

Developers aren’t directly accountable to players for their political perspectives. They’re actually free to frame history however they like. Game makers have been doing this for as long as there have been games.

With its detailed depictions of the past,Assassin’s Creed is bound to come up in almost any discussion about historical accuracy in games. The developer behind the franchise, Ubisoft, creates incredibly realistic environments. Walk around Athens in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey and you’ll soon see what I mean. The characters aren’t quite as convincing, though. Kassandra for example seems to reflect remarkably contemporary cultural values. Women may have been relatively empowered in Sparta, but there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that they were almost completely disenfranchised in every other part of ancient Greece. Could we call Kassandra historically accurate? This kind of question really misses the point.

Kassandra is a reflection of what Ubisoft wants the world to be—not the way it was.

[mushroomjawn]

Listen....... No one asked me to do this but I've been thinking about / discussingwhy I and many others find the good omens fandom uh.. let's say "inhospitable", despite enjoying the source content (somewhat. I mean lbr it was like fine).

Disturbingly, it seems to have been the perfect storm for ex-superwholocks to latch onto, thanks to:

The presence of David Tennant. Ppl who were in superwholock at the height of its popularity generally had a certain obsession with DT that lead them to basically follow him around from thing to thing, even if it had little or no relationship to Doctor Who, or didn't even remotely resemble Doctor Who. I know this bc I followed him to Broadchurch/Gracepoint and was scarred for life.

DT alone not enough to shift you to good omens? Well, then, SURELY the combination of DT and Biblical mythos will do it! Nothing better than, uh.... Bible.. fanfiction.

Okay, some of them are still puttering around in superwholock. Let's take the thing that everyone latched onto from Sherlock and toss it in there as well! What's that, you ask? A narrative that is queer adjacent without ever bothering to commit so as to have plausible deniability on both sides, of course!

So now we have all the superwholocks, and the ex-superwholocks. I know this because I was one, and this was enough to get me on board, even years after I had extricated myself from that nightmare. That's not enough to make a group unbearable, though!! Merely gathering the right ppl in the right place does not a nightmare fandom make. No, good omens had to stay true to its claims. It had to be certain it didn't rise above superwholocks, instead cruising along well within their grasp. Which brings me to...

The narration style. Supernatural, doctor who, and Sherlock don't have narrators, of course (except on rare occasions maybe? Who knows)... But the narrator of good omens (god) really does summarize exactly what made superwholocks insufferable. It's that particular brand of humor, common throughout Terry Pratchett's work, which I can't really put a name to exactly. But you know it when you hear it. The tone itself isn't annoying, it does have its moments, but on the show it is backed by. Actual jokes and irony. Like there's something funny happening... And it is delivered in this almost bored, matter-of-fact, documentary-type tone that makes it a little funnier. A little. The fans, however, seem to be under the delusion that the tone is funny in and of itself, and that anything said in it automatically becomes funny. This is... Not accurate. And it gets to be grating SUPER fast, because a lot of ppl ALSO misinterpret it as condescending, and then just repeatedly condescend to you and think you should laugh. Think about like... Any superwholock who started talking like the doctor or Sherlock bc they thought it made them sound cool or clever. Yeah that's how God talks in good omens

This isn't the end-all be-all analysis of the good omens fandom and why it has given me the WORST vibes since day one, but this is what I see. From my vantage point far, far away.

All I know for sure is that, from the second I hit play on that show, all I could think was "oh GOD I hope the superwholocks don't find this." And then they did.

can you imagine how bad it would have been on here if good omens had come out while superwholock was at it's peak? a terrifying thought

[niuniente]

I just have a quick question regarding the past lives reading for other people. Is there anyone who can backup your claim & a way of knowing you're not just making it up? Not necessarily the reading itself, just your skills? I don't want you to take offense to that. I love you dearly & I'm NOT accusing you of lying. I've just had other shops/people lie about it&scam me out of money. I hope this was all worded ok. I promise I'm not a mean anon trying to attack you or your skills.

Thanks for your message! I understand your concerns completely as scammers are indeed a problem in this psychic industry. The cases where past lives can be accurately proven right are rather rare (and even in those cases some differences may occur between reality and memories, which is normal; we don’t remember everything accurately from our current past either).  There’s for example document series “Ghost inside my child” which tells about children remembering their past lives very vividly (this is rather normal to kids). I recommend watching it! You can find it online if it interest you and you want some proven documentaries of past lives in general. 

Note that even in that well-made documentary there are cases where some memories simply can’t be proven right; too much time has passed, the memory is not clear enough or the event isn’t documented (either not at all or just very slightly).  Not everything that ever occurs gets documented and most past lives are very mundane and usual. If I wanted to find information in my next life about this life of Niu, I might not find anything at all, because I’m just a normal person living a rather normal life in Finland (and I’d need to be fluent in Finnish in next life to find out PERHAPSPERHAPSPERHAPS something about life of Niu).Also, what makes proving memories hard at times is that we have multiple lives in multiple countries and not all information is available in English - actually only a fragment of world’s history is available in English. So, If you’re not fluent with some of your past life’s language, it can be impossible to find information (like in my case when I don’t speak German; there’s more info at the end of this message about what I mean). I say that the best way to determine if this is right or wrong to you is listen to your feelings. People tend to relate to the past live memories which are right one for them, either 100% or partially. No psychic or oracle can work with 100% accurate performance, like no one or nothing in this planet can (a human or a machine) as mistakes are natural, but if you find someone with 90% accuracy that’s super wonderful!I can only tell some of the things I have seen to my clients have been proven right by them or my history documents. Sometimes I see something strange and I always go to search if I can find some information of that from internet. For example I once had a client who had lived in Japan. Her husband was killed and she was enraged to his murdered. She wanted to kill the killer in a secrecy and do it as quietly and silently as a ninja. She was eventually accepted into a small school of ninjas when she refused to leave the outside of the school and sat there for days without food or drink, never leaving her spot. I had never heard about female ninjas, ever, and I though that can’t be right. But there the info was; female ninjas did exist and they were called kunoichi. For one client I saw a life where he had been in a war and ran away from enemy on a snow field, desperately trying to get to nearby forest for shelter, but he was shot from behind before he got there. He was absolutely baffled when he heard this, and quietly admitted that when he was 9, he was playing with his friends on snowy field near forest, when suddenly he got a huge panic attack out of a blue. He didn’t know why, but he started to run towards the forest, feeling that someone’s going to kill him and he needs to get into the forest to stay alive. He freaked out and his friends freaked out by his odd behavior.Some clients have used other past live mediums’ services before me or have been able to remember their past lives before me telling them anything. In these cases the other mediums and I have told the client the same things OR I have told the client the things they already remember themselves. I had one client who had lived as an alcoholic man and abused his family. I told her it’s affecting her life now in a way or another (I can’t remember details of this, it’s been 7 years or so). She didn’t feel that my vision was right and I always encourage people to trust their own gut feelings in everything. A year later she send me email saying “I apologize, you were right. I see now how that abusive man’s life is affecting me. It wasn’t right time for that memory when I got the reading, but now I get it.” It’s very common some information becomes valid in the future, as spirit world has no sense of time. Time exists on the mortal world, only.Maybe I should tell one of my experiences? I saw one past live, the one where I was married to the count (who wasn’t really that rich tbh). The message was that “Brune or Bryne” was my surname and I lived in 17th century. I had never, ever heard name Brune before! I googled as much information as I could find and yep; it was German surname, originating from The Middle-Ages and it later belonged to a noble family line in Germany. I wish I could speak German, as if I did, I would have dug into this for hours and searched all possible documents ect. to find out more about this, as I think my first name was Anna. I might be able to find where I lived with my husband ect.I hope this answered your questions!

[melissas173]

I don't know if you take request, but I just saw your drawings of the 1950's car and I thought, how about a little blurb where Harry or Niall find those drawings. How would they react, fluff or smutt is all good to me.

Kyra, I’m sorry this has taken so long to answer but I hope the length will make up for the delay! 

This ask came about because of this post. 

As always a special thanks to Alex @niallandharrymakemestrong for her support and Beta skills.  Also thank you to Haley @heauxforhoran who helped me choose the suit and insisted on hat on. 

PARKING 

American Dreaming is a documentary film about the men and women who dreamed and designed the iconic American cars that defined the mid-century. From 1946 to 1973 design studios assembled at General Motors, Ford, Packard, Chrysler, Studebaker, Nash, and Hudson created the stylish automobiles Americans fell in love with. Talented artists from around the country answered the call from magazines like Popular Mechanics to “Become a Highly Paid Auto Stylist in Detroit!” Their drawings, and the resulting cars that were built in this period, suggested limitless possibilities and reflected the optimism America that could conquer space and bring prosperity to the entire world.

The vibrations of his phone woke Harry up from his comfortable position wrapped around you.   He wasn’t big spoon very often but when he was you wanted to be wrapped up with him as long as possible.  So when his phone jolted him awake you were not happy.  

“Who the hell is ringing this early?” you grumbled.  

He looked blearily at the screen, muttering “who the hell is 69?” before answering the phone.

“Harold!”, an exuberant Irish voice greeted him.

“Ni!”, Harry yelled back, smiling.  It had been several months since they’d talked on the phone.  

Hearing Niall’s voice, Harry realised just how much he missed him.  You rolled your eyes and got out of bed, they were going to be on the phone for a while.

“How are ya, pet?” Niall asked cheerfully.

“Things are coming along nicely, just deciding on promo duties and getting ready for the song release, and you?” Harry asked.

“I’ve been recording some new stuff. Couldn’t do much with the pneumonia kickin’ me arse, so I just wrote and fiddled around with it.  Can’t wait for you to hear it.” Niall said, proudly.

Harry was glad that his friend had been able to do something while he was ill. The pathetic whining texts he’d received while Niall had been sick had been amusing as well as kind of sad.  Harry made a mental note to find his friend a girlfriend sooner rather than later. He was happy and he wanted everyone to be happy.

As the two men continued to talk, Harry’s girlfriend was not so happy.

As you got out of the shower you could hear Harry still talking, now it was about recording solo and how it felt different to recording together. “It feels weird.  Normally I’m only doing a part, now I’m doing it all”.

You smiled a little sadly to yourself, Harry had said something similar to you more than once.  He’d struggled at the start of recording but by the end admitted he’d gotten used to it.   Didn’t necessarily like it, but had gotten used to it.

He was momentarily distracted by you wandering past wearing nothing but a towel. You walked towards him as he held his out hand, taking yours in his. You looked down as you played with his hair.  He dropped your hand and ran his up your bare leg.  You shivered as he sneaked it under the towel.  

“I’m sorry, what was that?” He said into the phone, his hand stilling.   You heard the laugh through the phone.

“Glad to see you’re listening carefully to every word I’m saying, Harold”.

“Yeah, sorry, got distracted by a pair of bare legs”, he said with a cheeky grin at you, as you rolled your eyes.

“What I was saying”, Niall said with a cough, “remember Paul?”  

“Oh yeah, the guy who was working on that documentary about cars?” He vaguely remembered meeting a friend of Niall’s and chatting happily about the big cars from the 1950s for a solid hour.

“That’s the one” Niall agreed, “He’s finally finished it and the premiere is next month”. Niall paused before he said more quietly

“Wanna come with me, H?”

Harry’s heart sank at the tentative question, the uncertain tone in his friend’s voice.  Had it really been that long?  Did Niall really doubt he would want to spend time with him again?   

Making a promise to himself that he would not leave it so long again, Harry excitedly answered

“I would love to!”

Niall let out an exuberant “Yes” on the other end of the phone and the two men happily made plans for the evening ahead.

You were woken up by a loud thud.  Rolling over, you groaned as you registered that it was 2am and Harry was home, drunk, and giggly after he’d left hours ago on his man date with Niall.

You had smiled as he left.  He was nervous like it really was a first date with Niall, so you knew it would be good for them to spend some time together.

But you were regretting that happiness now.  His boots noisily hit the floor and he giggled as he flopped into bed, bouncing you both as he landed.

“You awake babe?” he fake whispered.

“Bit hard not to be, you baby elephant.” You grouched as he giggled again, ending in a snort.

“Ni and I had the best time!” he said loudly as he pulled you closer.  “The cars were amazing, they had the real life versions of the pictures… and the pictures! They were so life like with bright colours, you know, kind of like Pop art. There were just pictures for ads… why don’t we have ads like that any more? Did you know that….”

“Harry!” you interrupted sharply.  It was after 2 in the morning and you knew that if you didn’t stop him now there was a fair chance you’d still be awake at 3.

He looked at you, eyes slightly unfocused and confused.

“Yes my love?”

“Tell me about your man date tomorrow… er later today, alright?” you said with a smile.

He pulled you closer, his nose nuzzling into your neck as his arms squeezed you tightly.

“OK!” he said happily.  He was quiet for a moment and you thought he’d fallen asleep until he said softly

“Babe”

“Yes, my love?”

“I had a really good time with Niall.  I didn’t realise how much I’d missed him”, he said quietly.  

You squeezed his hand and whispered “I’m glad Harry”.   

You smiled as you heard his snores and little snorts begin to rumble behind you.

Days went by and Harry drove you crazy with talk about the movie, the art, the cars, the exhibition, every single damn thing about his night with Niall. It was cute at first because it was always good to see your boyfriend passionate about anything, but you were beginning to feel like YOU knew everything about the cars, the art, the pictures.

Even though he owned a fleet of cars you had not quite realised just how much he loved cars until you listened to him go on and on about the cars in the movie.  The art and the movie itself had held his attention for a while but finally he stopped talking about them.  But he kept bringing up the cars, how big they were, what they would be like to drive, how they “don’t make them like that any more”.  Then one night you found yourself on a vintage car rental website, you couldn’t afford to buy one of course, but maybe you could give him the experience of driving one.

“Where are we going love, and why am I dressed like this?”

You smiled at Harry, your eyes scanning him head to toe.  He looked incredible.  Once you’d decided to rent the car, you wanted to make a night of it and that included the clothes. He was in a slim fit grey pinstripe three piece suit.  His shoulders were broad in the jacket before fitting him closely across his chest, tapering at the waist and flaring slightly below. A shirt and tie peeked out below the vest under the jacket.  The pants fit him tight, highlighting his long legs and ending just above black boots.  He twirled the fedora that had come with the outfit in his hand.

“Should I put the hat on?” he asked with a cheeky smirk.  

“Absolutely!” you grinned back.

He did as instructed and you reached forward to give the hat a tilt. After you had tilted it to your satisfaction, he took your hand and kissed it.

“How do I look?” he asked softly.  

“You should wear hats more often”, you said, running your finger down his cheek.  His eyes twinkled as he said

“Let’s have a look at you”.

The look in his eyes as he took in your outfit was worth the time and effort you’d put into the outfit.  The dress was a blue knee length slightly flared cocktail dress.  The bodice was fitted down to your waist before the skirt flared out.  The entire dress covered with a clear tulle layer.    

“Give us a twirl.” He said, with a grin.  Laughing you did as instructed, your skirt flaring out as you spun round for him.

“Baby you look amazing.  Is the underwear historically accurate too?” he asked with a smirk.

“Play your cards right Styles and you might find out later.” You said with a giggle.

He quickly pulled you close, his hands resting on your bottom as his lips brushed against yours.  

“I’d rather find out now”, he said huskily, his lips moving to your neck. You sighed as you felt his lips on your skin and leaned in closer. But, as if in on cue, an unfamiliar car horn sounded and you quickly broke away with an “It’s here!”. Harry looked around in confusion.

“What’s here?”

“Come and see!” Dragging him out the door, you both halted at the car parked in the driveway.

“Babe!” he exclaimed. “That looks like one of the cars from the film!”  

You smiled happily, delighted with the surprised look on his face.

“It’s not quite but it’s close.  It’s a 1953 Packard Clipper”.  He prowled around the car inspecting everything closely.  

“It’s rented for a week so you can see what it’s like to drive one.  We’re going to dinner and maybe even a little dancing and parking like we’re living in the 1950s.” You said with a chuckle.

“Babe you know I don’t dance.  But I’d be open to a little parking.” He said, with a wink as you rolled your eyes.

“Hmm, we’ll see.” You said with a small smile.  

You both moved to the passenger side of the car and he opened the door with a bow.  “My lady.” He said, helping you into the car, carefully shutting the door behind you.  As you watched him move around the front of the car, you smiled to yourself, knowing that this would be a fun night.  Until…

“Babe, where the fuck is the gear stick?!”

Gear stick found and several bunny hops later you were on your way. You found a radio station playing golden oldies and you and Harry sang along as he drove. There was no doubt that the car was huge but it was a relatively quiet giant.

He pulled up to a quiet restaurant you had found.  It wasn’t themed like a 1950s restaurant but it had been open since that decade and you figured that was close enough.  Greeted with a smile by the maitre’d, he escorted you to a table at the back.  Harry’s hand was on your back, like a gentleman from that more genteel era would have done. You knew he was going full method when he pulled your chair out for you.

You happily chatted through a dinner of steak and vegetables and a dessert of cheesecake.  As you drank your coffees, Harry asked with a twinkle in his eye

“Dancing or parking?”

You wrinkled your nose in thought, pretending like it was a choice.  His smile faltered a little before you grinned at him

“Parking”.  

Letting out a  “yes!” Harry lifted his arm, “Waiter, check please!”

The car glided smoothly over the back of roads of Los Angeles and up into the mountains.  When he could see a view that he liked, he pulled off the road into a parking area.  Putting the car in park, he took your hand in his, kissing it gently.

“I’ve had the best time, love, thank you.” He said softly. You smiled, squeezing his hand. “It was my pleasure my love.”  You sat in silence for a little while, his thumb lightly rubbing circles on your hand as you both admired the view.

After a few moments, he lifted your hand to his lips. Kissing each of your fingers lightly, he put the last one in his mouth sucking lightly as you watched him, licking your lips in response. His eyes locked on yours as he moved your finger around his mouth.

“Harry?” you groaned slightly.

“Yes, love.” He rasped.

“The back seat is much bigger.”  

He let out a loud laugh as he said, “I like your thinking!”

You quickly got out of the car and climbed in the back where you were met by Harry who had slid over the front seat and was hastily trying to sit up on the back seat. You laughed at his awkwardness until he settled himself and he pulled you into his arms.

Your lips met his, gliding over each other, still tasting slightly of the dessert you’d enjoyed, as you opened your mouth, your tongues meeting and wrestling. You sighed and melted further into his arms.  

As you continued to kiss, his hand moved from around your waist to your knee. You shivered slightly at the feel of the cool metal of his rings on your skin before he slid his hand slowly under your dress and moved it up your leg as he continued to kiss you deeply.  Then his hand stopped.  It began to move again around your thigh, seemingly looking for something as he broke the kiss.

“Baby, do you have a garter belt on?” He gasped.

Giggling you said, “Yes! You asked if if my underwear was historically accurate. Well the answer is Yes. It. Is”  

You heard the hitch in his breathing as he squeezed your thigh.

“Babe,” he growled, “take off the dress. Now”.  

You swallowed at the timbre of his voice, and the command in his tone which made your stomach flip. You quickly reached under your arm and pulled the zipper down.  His jacket was already off, and he unbuttoned his shirt, as he watched you slide the dress off one shoulder. His shirt came off completely as you lowered the dress to your waist.

His eyes darkened as he looked at the satin bra you were wearing.  It was satin and more sturdy than a usual bra but under his hot gaze it felt like you were already naked.  He reached out, running his fingers over the cup of the bra, before lightly skimming the fabric over your nipple. You gulped at the gentle pressure of his fingers rubbing the satin over your nipple making it harden.  He smirked as he trailed his finger up your chest and across your collarbone, a trail of goosebumps following behind them. His fingers ran around your neck and then down to your other nipple, circling it idly and chuckling lightly when it too hardened.

“I like the bra love”, he whispered quietly, “Can I see the rest?”

His fingers continued their steady path down your stomach before his ringed finger circled the waistband of your pooled dress.   He ran his fingers around the gap between the waistband and your waist, lightly tickling the skin and making the goosebumps appear again.

“Close your eyes.” You said softly.  

He smiled at you quickly before doing as instructed.  You quickly pulled the dress the rest of the way off and threw it into the front seat.  He smirked at the rustle of the fabric but his eyes stayed shut. You took a moment to study his beautiful face, he looked calm and happy.  The plains of his jaw were sharp in the dark, his lips pink and inviting and even though his eyes were shut his eyelashes were beautiful.  You wondered how you’d gotten so lucky.

“Open your eyes.” You whispered.

His eyes flew straight to yours, smiling as they did.  Then he lowered them, caressing you as they traveled down your body. He smiled at the bra and then he lowered his eyes to your waist.  He stopped, his smirk faltering, licking his lips at the sight of your underwear.

The garter belt circled your waist, with straps holding the thigh high stockings in place and your panties were lacy satin matching the rest of the outfit.  He was silent, licking his lips, as his eyes were fixed on the lace covering your core. The look on his face was awestruck and you knew he could see the proof of your arousal, growing stronger as he bit his lip.

“Baby,” he said finally, his voice cracking, “you look incredible”.   

You smiled, glad that he was happy with your surprise. “I’m glad you like it.” You said with a cheeky grin.  He licked his lips one more time before he lunged at you.  His lips met yours, hard, as you leaned back against the smooth leather of the car seat. His tongue met yours again, circling around as his hands cradled your face.

You stopped kissing long enough for both of you to remove your underwear. When you made a move to remove the stockings and garter belt, his hand stopped yours.  “No.” He said forcefully, “Leave them on”. The intense look was back on his face and you could do nothing but obey his command.

His hands were back on your cheeks as he kissed you again.  His tongue more insistent as he lowered you both down on to the car seat. He settled between your legs and you felt his hardness, warm and throbbing, pressed against your entrance. You moaned at the feeling and scratched your fingers down his back, feeling his muscles jump under your touch.  He dragged his hand down your body again and you gulped at the gentle pressure, as his cock twitched against your entrance.  And when he touched your clit for the first time, you whimpered at the feeling.

His fingers continued drawing lazy circles around your clit as you lifted one stocking clad leg and wrapped it around his hip.  He paused, his fingers still on your clit as he sighed at the feel of the silk on his back. Hearing the noise, you rubbed your leg up and down his back as he happily purred at the feel of your the satin brushing his back.

As he lowered his lips to yours, brushing them gently, he slowly eased his hard warm cock into your wet entrance.  You squeaked a little in surprise but when he was fully inside you there was no sound but a moan of pleasure.

He began to move slowly in and out, testing the movement of your bodies on the unusual surface of the car seat, looking for the rhythm that would pleasure you both. He found the pace quickly and you both moaned as he picked up speed, pushing in and out fully.

Until there was an odd click, followed by an “Ouch!”

He was still inside you and still hard, but the friction of you moving quickly together had caused one of the garters to snap, startling him to a stop. He frowned as you started to giggle.

“Are you alright?“ You asked, still chuckling.

He frowned slightly for a moment before his face cleared and he said sheepishly, “Maybe leaving the garters on wasn’t the best idea”.

You tried to look serious but the look on his face was just too much and you laughed uproariously.  His face soon softened and he laughed with you at first. Quickly, however, his eyes darkened when your laughter caused you to tighten around him.  Your laughter stopped suddenly with a moan as he pushed forward again. Hard.

“It’s not that funny, love.” He rasped.  You could only moan at the drag of him inside you again and you focused your attention on the feelings he was invoking.  

He was moving fast again, the thrusts stronger and deeper, and you tightened your legs around his hips as you felt your orgasm building.  

You threw your arm backwards blindly, grasping for the door handle, anything really, to hold on to as he moved faster and faster, the drag of him inside you and the feeling of his body on top of you almost too much.  With one last thrust he hit that spot you love and you fell over the edge with a long moan.

As you tightened around him, with a few quick final thrusts and a cry of your name, he spilled inside you.  He slowed his thrusts, lazily pushing into you as you both rode out your highs.

When he eventually collapsed on top of you, you held each other closely, his face nuzzled against your neck as you lazily trailed your fingers up and down his back.  

“I like this car.” He said quietly, a smile in his voice.

“If you like it”, you answered, brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes, “maybe they might be interested in selling it to you”.

“Hmm, maybe”, he answered thoughtfully.   He kissed you again and said, “Let’s get you home”.  As you got dressed, he looked at you with a smirk.

“I still like the garter belt and those stockings love.” He said with a low throaty laugh.  “Let’s go home so I can see them on you as you ride me”.

You simultaneously gulped and rolled your eyes. He is such a boy you reminded yourself, but you nodded your head.

“Yes, Harry.” You agreed as he chuckled.

He drove the car everywhere for the rest of the week.  

The size of the car drew gawks and attention wherever he went, something neither of you had considered.  There was one other drawback to the car, so when you asked if he was still thinking about making an offer on the car, he shook his head no.

“Babe, I loved having the car for the week and the surprise and”, with a leer “the parking we did in it, but no, I’m not going to buy the car”.   When you asked why, he frowned.

“It’s a fucking nightmare to park!” 

Hope you like it Kyra, thank you for asking! 

[datheetjoella]

if u r up for it Strength and AAAALLLLL those questions!!!! but if u don't want to do them all then 1 to 5!!;u; (i like.. almost always choose strength 'cause it makes me nostalgic fhsdgghj sorry about that!!)

Of course I’m up for all of the questions! ^^ Thank you for sending this! (And don’t apologise!! I’m very glad that you like Strength enough to ask me about it!)

Strength

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I could summarise what sparked the idea of Strength in one sentence. However, I’m not going to tell you because it is a spoiler for a scene that has not been written yet and I’m really, really excited about that scene and therefore I don’t want to spoil it. So let’s just say I got a certain idea that sparked the concept of this fic.

2. What scene did you first put down?

The very first scene at the beginning of the fic: Makoto sleeping over at Haru’s house and Haru noticing that Makoto’s acting different from usual. I always write in chronological order so naturally that was the first scene that I wrote. However, the first scene that I imagined and crafted out in my head was the scene that I mentioned above.

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

I am never able to answer this question. It’s simply impossible for me to pick one line that stands out, because most lines are pretty meaningless without the entire context and the other lines. Therefore, I decided to do something a little differently: I’m going to share one of my favourite lines in the wip of chapter 5. So, this chapter has not been published yet so it can still change, but it’s a tiny, tiny preview.

‘Although Makoto was usually more reserved in terms of physical contact as well, Haruka figured that he felt the same need, to have the closeness of someone he could build upon, someone to hold onto and be held by during the most difficult time of his life.’ 

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Same with the last question, I find it hard to pick a fav so I’ll show you a line of dialogue from chapter 5 as well. This is kind of a spoiler, but I’m confident that not many people will read this, anyway, so it’ll be a little inside spoiler for a few. 

‘“You really love Onii-chan, don’t you?”’

5. What part was the hardest to write?

Honestly, it’s not a specific scene but more the factor of tying plot-points together, if that makes sense. When I’m in the middle of a scene I know what’s going to happen and how it’s going to continue, but I always have difficulty ending one scene and starting another in a way that flows together nicely and doesn’t feel like it’s odd. I hope I succeed in it, haha.

6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

I’m not sure, to be honest. To me, for some reason, Strength just has a very special place in my heart. It’s weird to say this about my own fic and I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I think that Strength may be my “best” fic in terms of story and development. I’m sure not everyone agrees with this or likes it, but I suppose I’m kind of proud of it. I work really hard on it, even if you wouldn’t say that because I only update like twice a year. I just hope that other people like it, too. At least enough to stick around till the end, which I’m definitely going to write.

7. Where did the title come from?

I have no idea. Usually I find coming up with titles to be one of the hardest things to do, but for some reason, in this case I just knew from the start that it was supposed to be titled “Strength”. Because to me, Strength captures everything this fic is about. In order to battle with cancer, you have to be strong, physically but especially mentally. And when someone you love gets cancer, you want to be there for them and support them throughout everything. You want to be their strength - which is what Haru wants to be for Makoto. To me, “Strength” symbolises Haru’s unconditional love and support throughout these bitter times for Makoto. But I suppose it’s open to interpretation.

8. Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Yes and no. I wouldn’t necessarily say that anyone or anything inspired the fic itself, but I’d rather say that I, as the author, was inspired by some people. Not any people I know, but I’ve done my research and watched documentary-esque tv shows about children with cancer and I suppose it sort of affected my view on the entirety of cancer. And with that, I can write this fic from my heart. So, indirectly I suppose.

9. Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Yes! I already told you but in case anyone else is reading this, I’ll say it again:

In the very first idea for Strength, everyone had cancer. Everyone. Haru gets diagnosed with cancer as a kid and is admitted to a hospital where he meets Makoto, who also has cancer. One by one other kids come in (Nagisa, Rin, eventually Rei and Ai) and the story would be about their lives at the hospital. In this version, at least one person died and that would be Nagisa - no spoilers on any other characters because that might spoil the real concept.

So I suppose you can all be glad that Strength developed into what it is now.

10. Why did you chose this pairing for this particular story?

It’s MakoHaru. Everything is MakoHaru.

11.What do you like best about this fic?

Pfft I don’t know. I suppose the emotional rollercoaster that the readers are subjected to. And the unsure ending, that is also fun.

12. What do you like least about this fic?

This fic is taking me a lot of time and therefore, my writing style changes throughout the fic. I’m not really much of a fan of chapter 1 anymore, for example. If I were to re-write it right now, it would probably be a little different not in terms of plot but in terms of style, I suppose. I don’t have time for that anyway so it’s just going to stay as it is.

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I listen to all kinds of music, really. But for this fic specifically, I listen a lot to ‘Save Our Last Goodbye’ by Disturbed. This song is about the loss of a friend but that does not necessarily mean that the story will go one way or another. It just really puts me in that sad, sad mood. For the more “happy” moments, I listen to ‘I’ll Be There’ by Hollywood Undead, and although this song is also about the loss of a friend which again, doesn’t have to mean anything, it has a more upbeat melody and that perfectly symbolises the tone of this fic for me; even in the happy moments, the sadness and agony is always hidden underneath. Next to that I’m a fan of Yiruma’s piano music, which is absolutely gorgeous and is great for writing anything in general.

14. Is there anything you want the readers to learn from this fic?

Not really; the main purpose of this fic is to entertain, not to inform. Although I want to give representation for both cancer patients and their loved ones in this fic, I’m not exactly the most valid source of information. Of course, I do my very best to make things as accurate as possible, but I wouldn’t blindly believe what I state because I’m just a writer-person and not an oncologist.

15. What did you learn from this fic?

I learned a bunch of stuff about cancer, acute lymphocytic leukemia to be exact. But I also learned that writing angst is so much fun and I love leaving the readers in the dark.

Thank you so much for asking me all these things!

Ask me about one of my fics

[mkarchin713]

Considering one of her “blasphemy’s” was refusing to stop wearing men’s clothing, would that mean the male Joan of Arc would wear pretty dresses?

Tell me you know nothing about history without telling me you know nothing about history

[stevviefox]

No one read history or Renault’s ‘the Persian boy’ ?

Oh well, folks are in for a fun surprise, several in fact.

Tell me you know nothing about history without telling me you know nothing about history