#I don't have the skills to organize something like this but I am dead serious that I would go to them.

[procrastinationaccount]

Tlt fans should hold audiobook listening parties á la Rocky Horror screenings. Come in costume, recite key lines, wave lighters, bring themed snacks, throw popcorn at the device when things get campy.

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Danganronpa if it worked like Stick of Truth

Apollo: South Park au! Clown: OMG it's like a small town au but INSANE Apollo: It's just a chaotic mess Clown: It really would One direction it could could be it's just danganronpa, but they're kids now, but also half of canon "game" is just them making things up Like play pretend! But the bears real Apollo: Who'd be who? I think Shuichi might be Kyle or Stan lmao. Maki might be Craig Oooo like stick of truth style? Clown: Yeah!! Exactly!! Also hmm, Kenny's Miu! Because that's funny Kiibo is butters Cause he gets bullied all the time I do not wanna make kokichi cartman I will cry aksbdkdh I wanna say shuichi could be Stan because of the depression lmao Junko can be cartman/hj If shuichis Stan would that make ouma wendy???

Apollo: Oh god does this mean he gets puked on? Clown: I FORGOR ABOUT THAT OH NOOOO Shuichi feels butterflies in his tummy and thinks he may be dying Danganronpa being a game all the local kids play is just, really fun. Like how in stick of truth they had the main classes and their leaders. They can have something similiar! (Am I saying this so ouma can keep child version of dice?? Yeah) There's a despair and hope side run by junko and Makoto respectively, maybe Tho I don't know what the goal of the game would be? Also hajime going "I have every skill actually" is so funny

Apollo: Probably who can out do each other in dramatics. It'd probably be a murder mystery probably where Junko pulls random people aside and assigns them killer and victim and they have to kill/die in a certain timeframe. Junko would help organize the clues and stuff and they'd hold the trials after. Also, imagine if Izuru was Hajime's twin who's like a prodigy or whatever but didn't want to play so Hajime just went I'll be talented enough for the both of us! Clown: Ouma dramatic recreation of his very serious death in the middle of the street gets interrupted by a car driving by so they scramble to wait on the sidewalk before returning to wailing dramatically Apollo: He finds fake blood and covers himself in it before putting like a bit of metal or something over himself but hears a honk and just throws the metal off and rushes to the side of the road, 'bleeding out' The town is so used to their antics that they don't even blink at the sight of Kokichi covered in blood Clown: Kaitos pulling him along like "go! Gogogogo!!" Shuichi's uncle is letting them use his garage as Shuichi's "ultimate lab" The adults are lowkey invested in the story line ajdvskbdk

Apollo: DICE gets in with planning deaths and stuff because they find it hilarious to watch everyone pretending to be dead/executed. They eventually get banned after everyone realised that Kokichi might be getting clues from them as to who the killer is "How am I meant to be the Ultimate Supreme Leader if you've banned my gang??? " Clown: Ouma keeps complaining saying it was totally fair because one of his skills is sleuthing. So of course he needed info!! "Fine!! They're in JAIL actually!! The reason so many of hajimes classmates survived is because he kept finding "revives" (a bear shaped cookie, or something) and just passed them out to his class He ran out before he could give one to chiaki… Apollo: Yes! Loser is finding all the boosts and is just handing them out Rip Chiaki Kokichi sulks for awhile until one of DICE tell him to grow up and cause hell for them 'Chapter 4.3' freaked everyone out because none of them expected Gonta and Kokichi to team up and kill Miu

Clown: YEAAHH, shuichis frantically flipping through the "rulebook" a spiral notebook junko gave them. "Is this allowed?? Is this allowed???" Their parents are watching from the kitchen window as they witness ouma and gonta put on the act of their goddamn toddler lives Apollo: They're so proud Shuichi panicked and told Kokichi he'd be alone after the trial and started apologizing almost in tears afterwards Clown: Kokichi was holding back his own tear tbh lmao Apollo: Shuichi was just panicking and wanted to seem cool by playing along with everyone. The second it was done, he run after Kokichi to apologize and tell him he didn't mean it Clown: Ouma sniffling and going "we're enemies right now." Meanwhile shuichis just [crying cat emoji] Apollo: DICE is not pleased but allow him to continue playing. Shuichi almost has a breakdown at Kokichi's death because he briefly forgets how dramatic the guy is and thought he went over the top with his death because of what he said Clown: THE CHILDHOOD ANGST His depressive episode when kaito was kidnapped?? That's him sniveling and going "I dont wanna play anymore" while everyone tries to convince him to keep going

Apollo: Kokichi huffs and gives Kaito his phone so he and Shuichi can talk when it's dark. Kaito isn't that shocked to see that Kokichi's room is an utter mess. He is a bit confused and possibly lowkey concerned when he sees the 'evidence' he's hoarded Clown: He's really going all out for the game akshdjhd His "lab" where shuichi finds evidence of previous killing games is a tent in his backyard OMG he's dramatically writing his "this is not a will" note with kaito behind him as he gets really into character Apollo: Kaito is concerned ™ with how in character Kokichi can be but at the same time is slightly jealous in awe because he wants to be like that. Sure he can play into the whole hero thing but the flu is making it hard to keep in character. Kokichi was the one to convince him to use it for the game. Mikan isn't happy because Kaito needs rest to recover quickly but here he is, working out each night before his grandparents call him home and fighting Kokichi He gave his grandparents puppy dog eyes and they let him play as long as he doesn't overdo it Clown: He didn't wanna miss out on the game!! His goatee is a piece of paper he taped to his chin To look "cooler" Apollo: Kokichi keeps trying to steal it as a 'joke', saying he can just draw one for you! Kaito naturally does not trust him Clown: Oumas trying to sharpie his face man They have a sleepover for chapter 5 and he finally succeeds Apollo: The real reason Kaito agreed to kill him /hj

[Clown went to sleep after that, and it's precisely when I bust in with my character assignments, so late it's no longer fashionable & I don't even have a coffee]

Me: Maki Craig, Miu Tweek would make so much sense actually, both how they used to fight all the time & the later relationship, Shuichi would be Stan for sure, Kokichi can be Kyle [haruruma was an attempt at Kai bait ngl] [about Kiibo as Butters] that I can wholeheartedly agree with no, Wendy is Kaede, duh okay, I am beginning to see the Junko Cartman, but for it to be really him, there needs to me more cringefail element, so I suggest Tsumugi, she has way more delulu [this is probably the only instance I used that word and I won't do it again, but also. I did use that because a character like Cartman can be genuinely delusional, like when it seemed he was just trying to take credit for the gay fish joke, until near the end of the episode when it becomes clear he believes his version of the story & is willing to die for it, it's just one of many examples when he just convinces himself of something so strongly, so I do not mean it lightheartedly] energy and that's a requirement here, we're talking about the most disturbed child on the playground Rantaro should be the french? guy that pisses of Stan because he's close to Wendy Kenny Ryoma would work, he's a tortured soul (I would consider Kenny Kokichi but I don't want to) Kaito really doesn't fit anyone, maybe he could be Clyde? (but honestly that gang would be hard to assign anyone)

Chee: theyre both fucking crying like kids do I can see it in my head, Shu apologizing and Ko just keeps repeating that theyre enemies (hes like half messing w him too) WHSHHS THE FLU IN PLACE OF HIS DISEASE IM FUCKING CRYING I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH, Kokichi in this au reminds me of how Mysterion takes his superhero act so seriously imagine if Izuru who doesnt wanna join is the one watching out for the cars for them, he had a little chair and calls out to the others when a car comes by also Junko starting this whole huge game probably bc shes bored sounds funny

Apollo: He just has a megaphone and yells in the most bored voice I love Mysterion so much and I can see Kokichi acting sorta like him "Move or not. I don't care if you get squished for real."

Chee: I honestly just want Ko, Shu & Kaede to be Style & Wendy bc theyre my fav trios WHSHHS BUT HONESTLY KOKICHI KENNY IS COOL BUT HMM do we gotta assign them kids ? :0 Me: you know I said Kyle Kokichi for Style reasons what if I said Pip & Damien Kirumaki? Maki is a good fit for Damien, Pip is Pip [maybe it'd be better to pick a due from a different class tho, idk which assignment is better for Maki] the way main cast treats Pip would have to be adjusted but it's not like there's a better fit for Kirumi amongst those children Angie could be that girl that turned out to be a living ad

Clown: LESLIE??? Omg I love that Cartman tsumugi and Kyle kokichi at each other's throats for real

[dzpenumbra]

4/30/23

Last night was difficult.

I don't think I mentioned it in my journal, maybe I did and I don't remember, idk, I'm going to tell the story anyway. I was watching a Red Dead stream last night and a girl who had been a subscriber in that channel for 7 consecutive years accidentally wrote a private message into the Twitch chat. And I mean really private.

(side note - ctrl+b, which is used for bold is right between ctrl+v [paste] and ctrl+n [new window in chrome]. And the undo on Tumblr is fucked. So... just... gonna point out how frustrating and inconvenient that is if you just slightly miss the b key and suddenly you either have a new window pop up or a paragraph of text just appears.)

This chick posted about like... really bad medical news. Like organ disease news. That she got that day. And she immediately asked mods to delete it, because she couldn't. And no one did. And there were like over 1000 people in there. And then these assholes started copying and pasting her message. At first just one. Then one who spent "channel points" to actually highlight the copied message. Then like 5 more. It... was really disturbing. Like... I struggle to see any humor in it, and I have a pretty open mind about humor. It really felt like someone saying "haha look, this chick has cancer!" As though... anyone is going to laugh about that...

Now... I know a thing or two about humor. Humor used to be my primary coping mechanism. And most humor is just that, it's a way of diffusing something incredibly uncomfortable or painful, and transforming it into something funny, something palatable. Something positive, even. And sometimes that can be a... compulsion for some people, a reflex, that they're not even really conscious of. But there's a skill to doing that. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes skill. And there is nothing... buckle the fuck up, I'm going loud here... THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING LAZIER THAN COPYING AND PASTING SOMETHING AND CALLING IT FUNNY. <catches breath> Okay, just had to get that out. People man, I just don't understand. Do these fucking imbeciles really lack the brain cells to understand that making a joke about a serious medical condition should... I dunno... maybe be handled a little more tactfully than treating it like retweeting a fucking meme or something?

Again, I am not against jokes that test the line, and even outright cross it. At all. Pushing those boundaries is important, in its own way. But there's a goddamn reason why we only had one Don Rickles. There's a reason we had one South Park. One Jackass. There is an art to pushing boundaries, and it requires skill, charisma and confidence. And these people had none of the above. They were just... schoolyard bullies, trying to impress other schoolyard bullies. They were literally grown-ass schoolyard bullies, likely piss drunk at 4AM, watching a 38 year old man pretend to be a cowboy in a video game, and stumbled across what was pretty obviously a private message between a long-standing paying community member and likely a family member... and they decided they wanted to pants her in front of class. Like... this is a fucking cartoon of schoolyard bully behavior. And people were fucking laughing! People were like... chuckling and going along with it

I... I pulled up a private message to her. And I typed out "hey, what they're doing is really not cool and I'm really sorry all this is happening to you. It's really fucked up." And... I didn't send it. Any other lifetime, I would have sent it. But I didn't. And I don't even know why I don't anymore. I definitely didn't stand up for her in chat. I didn't even support her behind closed doors. But when she put a message in chat saying it was fucked up? I immediately tagged her and sent a heart emoji, like... lightning speed, to show she has my support. I just... I feel bad. It's self preservation, it has to be. Like... I don't want this mob turning on me... So I don't stick up for the grown adult that's being bullied by grown adults. Because there are people there whose job it's supposed to be to moderate that, and they were asleep at the wheel, and... I didn't want to overstep, and they sure as shit won't respect my opinion if I don't have a sword icon next to my name.

And the streamer, when he noticed? He chuckled. And was like, "come on guys, knock it off..." Like... it was a bunch of kids playing in the backyard by throwing knives at the dog or something, and that's his response. It made me super uncomfortable. That and the shit that went down in his Discord? Blatantly saying "we're mob-mentality around here, okay?" And the Native American character he made, and how... really insensitive he was with it... and how he pretty obviously got reported several times on it but straight up lied to his audience about it and has doubled-down so many times I can't even count. "Nah nah nah, Moondance isn't going anywhere guys, I'll play him whenever I want, I just don't feel like it tonight..." RIIIGHHHTTT... I just... I'm really turned off by it.

Fuck the internet, man. The internet is very blatantly advertising directly to children, who are the most profitable demographic on the internet, if you weren't aware... and Twitch specifically has developed a wagering system with fake internet points that you accumulate by spending time watching a streamer (more time = more ads = more $$ for Twitch = more fake points for the kids). And they call them. Get this. Tell me this isn't disgustingly corporate Amazon cliché. They call them "Predictions". It's not gambling marketed towards children to keep them on a website that makes money off of feeding them ads, no no no, it's placing a wager on a "Prediction". I'm not gambling on what the outcome is, with a payout ratio identical to a fucking horse track, nope, I'm just predicting what the outcome is going to be and if I get it right I get a neat prize! They specifically market their site to children. How have they not gotten this shut down yet?!

Okay, got a bit of that out of my system. Why the fuck am I telling this story from last night? Well... I had a night terror. I got about 4-5 hours of sleep, and I had a super intense nightmare. It was very vivid, but I didn't remember much except for the last bit. And... it took me a bit of journaling (I did dream journal, so yay on that) to really start to understand what it was about. I might as well paint a picture for you, it was super vivid and deeply meaningful for me.

I was in a location that represented my parents' basement. I grew up in that house from the ages of 11-18, very formative years. My parents are closeted hoarders, they hide it well. The basement was where everything went. I was down there with someone else, I don't remember who it was. I had found a book that was for me, that I felt bad I hadn't read because, when I was down there and started reading it, it was really interesting. It was part of a series, and it was an exploration and interpretation of the Bible through historical record, plausible science and comparison with other cultural ideologies/mythologies. It was... really cool, and right up my alley. Almost like something I would write, if I felt qualified. I read the part about Genesis I and as I was reading... I got that thing I get sometimes where the mental imagery gets really vivid. And this moment was really disorienting in a dream, and is even disorienting just trying to process how it even happened, because I was... dreaming... which is my imagination, my subconscious mind... and then within that dream I was reading a text and... my subconscious in the dream was conceptualizing the text visually. It was like a Russian Nesting Doll of subconscious visualization, it's absolutely mind-boggling that that's even possible. And this visualization was... essentially an early proto-Earth colliding with a very water-dense celestial object. My brain interpreted this very metaphorically, like big blob of water. And then the combination of these two qualities ended up nurturing an environment like hydrated and nutrient enriched soil. Again, a metaphor, like... water and collision were huge components in setting off the chain reaction that resulted in... life. And... there was some part in the text that was referring... where either that water-dense body or the proto-Earth likely came from. I don't really remember the details on that.

And then... after that... I remember the person I was with upsetting the streamer (who was there with a bunch of his friends in-character), and they left. And after I read and visualized all of that, as though I had read it out loud... he kinda knew. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember it, I'm going to get the journal real quick to refresh.

Okay, it looks like even in the journal right after I woke up I wasn't sure what had upset the streamer and the people he was with. I was reading that passage in the book in the moments leading up to him getting upset and leaving. The book had this section in it that was like MadLibs... like a simple mini-test to sorta... jog and concretize your memory of what the previous passage was about, so you could sorta... use your own brain to make the connections rather than just reading his wording. So, like... I wasn't sure if I upset him, or he witnessed the surreal visual experience I had and it upset him (because it was super vivid, like panic attack vivid, and very emotional), or maybe he knew what I read and that upset him? Maybe I accidentally read out loud and didn't realize? Or... maybe the person I was with upset him... Which, with this much time between me and the dream, seems like the most likely factor... But, either way, he got upset and left. Then... I could sorta... sense through the ceiling and walls in an almost x-ray kinda way that he was like... glaring at me. In a... judgmental, suspicious, skeptical way. In a "I'm on to you..." way. In a witch-hunty Inquisition kinda way. And that set off a massive panic response that immediately woke me up.

You know what? I reflected on this when I woke up, and it's actually really well put for 4 hours of sleep coming out of a panic attack. <pats self on back> So I'm just gonna transcribe it. Fuck it.

"I felt like I needed to impress him, and like I fucked up... which was embarrassing but passed quickly... but that turned into... genuine concern that I was in danger. Like lynching kinda danger, mob violence danger. And that's because I witnessed that last night. And the chick who was being bullied? She was like me. This crowd? These streamers? I keep gravitating towards confident bullies. Andrew Santino types. They're very talented, but their skill is a coping mechanism developed through trauma and conflict. Unprocessed trauma, typically. Because the coping mechanism is their greatest gift, and really their whole life and identity are built on it. I gravitate towards that talent. Being this aware of how these people think (because I was one of them) and how much influence they have, how followers will blindly obey them and they have thousands, made me scared of... as that guy so poetically said in my Twitch chat "(being) thrown in a river with a mill stone tied to (me)." For learning, and exploring ideas that they may consider heretical. But, more specifically, sharing them and being associated with them."

So... you can imagine how hard writing a journal entry like this can be sometimes. It feels really serious and risky, and really silly at the same time. It's not like the context I'm referring to is even... heretical, really... if anything it's trying to prove the Bible's validity! But... I've just seen a lot of dark shit in my study of humanity. A lot of dark, ignorant, zealous things that people do. And seeing that mob mentality last night? It just brought me back to that same old familiar fear. And that shit sticks, and can be hard to shake.

I'm getting really tired, so I want to kinda wrap up, so let me get to the crux of all of this.

Besides the obvious, this journal and this post, why would I be so anxious about sharing my personal beliefs publicly? 1). Family-induced trauma, let's just get that out of the way, so that explains the life-shattering severity. But the focus - I made my desire path project public today. I posted it. It was my only goal for the day. And I did it.

I put it on YouTube. It currently has 3 views and no one has watched it all the way through. I fucking hate analytics and I don't want to watch them anymore. So fucking stupid, as though you have any control over whether people give a fuck about your work. Yikes.

Then, I went into this whole pros and cons list of posting the full project on Instagram. Insta won't let you link shit, and I wanted to keep my videos all on YT because... habit, I guess? Maybe because my Rimworld series is still over there and I was hoping someone might actually give a fuck about that again someday. But after a long time going over it, I decided instead of trying to direct people to go to my profile, then go to my YT link... fuck that. I'm just going to post it there in full, too. And I did. And the grand reception? I got 2 likes. And a comment from my former "best friend", my former goddaughter's mother. And I do appreciate the sentiment. It's just been hard to process those memories.

I always wanted to be a dad. And in my 20's, I got to be her nanny for most of the week when she was around 1 year old. I was working nights and inverting my sleep schedule to drive up an hour each way to watch her during the week. I still have a picture from when I got there one day and comedically, melodramatically collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion and actually fell asleep with my legs hanging in the air off the couch and shit, right next to my goddaughter who was also passed out. And she fired me. Because I didn't "take her outside enough", which she never instructed me to do or taught me how to do. Not to mention the fact that she never paid me once, and I just... didn't ask for money? Because I was trying to be nice? Because both her and her husband were like... not parenting their infant child and just going and working jobs instead, while I watched their kid for them.

Meh, enough about that. See what it does to my head though? Nostalgia is nice... sometimes... but it can be bitter, and if you have an especially dicey past, it can turn sour real quick. So... I do appreciate her sentiment, she left a really kind compliment that seems sincere. And the emotional processing from the past? That's my job, I gotta just remember... that's in the past. I just... I feel bad for my goddaughter, and I miss her. She was the closest thing to a daughter I've ever had, besides my dog and cat, of course. The closest thing to a human daughter I've ever had. And she may not have a great role model for like... healthy emotional regulation. And I worry about her. And I do kinda feel like... that's kinda part of the godfather thing, to step up and like... be there. But at this point? I was envisioning this when I was making dinner. I feel like if I ever even do that, I'm going to be the uncle or aunt figure at the family dinner that they haven't seen in 10 years and pulls the teenage kid aside and goes "you know, I used to change your diapers, do you remember me? No? It's okay, well... if you ever need to like... talk or anything, I'm always here for you." And they'll wince through the awkwardness and then go off and play something on their phone and sigh and mutter "weirdo". But like... is it worse to not even try?

That's a quandary for another day, I just went down that line of thought because I was kinda imaginatively strategizing what might happen if my former friend messaged me. To... prepare myself.

So yeah, lots of ups and downs today. Sleep deprivation, panic, nap, social media strategy, posted the video, made dinner, watched streams, Risk of Rain, journal, and off to bed we go.

Gonna try to sneak a quick shower in before bed, screw it, see if that helps with more relaxing sleep.

To end on a more uplifted note... The Path was one of the more ambitious projects I've taken on. It was very new, super conceptual, very "risky" regarding whether anyone would "get it", also very tedious and demanding. I did the 100 runs in Minecraft, with 3 screenshots per run. I hand-drew each path, twice. I animated each path individually. I composed, played and recorded 12 minutes of original music for 4 guitars, bass and drums. I wrote the script, I recorded the voiceover (on Easter day!). I hand-drew and animated the parts of the voiceover that I couldn't really figure out what to put under, as though they were being drawn on a whiteboard. I shot cinematic B-roll in Minecraft, Google StreetView and a real life National Park. I edited it all together.

And now... it's done.

Fuck crowd reception, this was months in the making. I am goddamn proud of myself.

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Corruption & Trust

Stormbringer and bsd spoilers in general ahead so read at your own risk!!

So in this post I will be listing all the times Chuuya used corruption and all the times Dazai was there to stop it. I will also go into depth as to why Chuuya trusts Dazai when it comes to having to use corruption and I will also emphazise on Dazai's care and how he takes corruption seriously.

1. First time using corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old

"Isn't it an unpleasant sight, Chuuya."

It was a young boy. This young boy casually caught hold of Chuuya's arm and lifted it up. With this movement, the gravitational field which had occured around them disappered immediatly. As well as Chuuya’s agony.

"Y...You..."

"You can't even die gracefully can you?" the young boy said in a raspy voice as he heaved Chuuya on his shoulders. He set off to walk.

Alright so this was the first time Chuuya's corruption was ever activated, after Dazai nullifies it and carries Chuuya on his back, he drops him off outside the bar were Chuuya's friends lay dead. He took him there instead of taking him directly to the port mafia quarters.

Why did he do that exactly? If Dazai doesn't care for Chuuya, then why did he give Chuuya the opportunity to pay farewell to his dying friends?

It's actually sort of funny because I don't really think Dazai really realizes or accepts that he feels a certain connection with Chuuya and therefore looks after him.

2. Second time using Corruption: Stormbringer

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 16 yrs old (obviously, its still the same light novel lol)

After losing his strength, Chuuya drifted in the air for a few seconds, then lost the black wings on his back and slowly fell.

Dazai caught his body.

From the spot where Dazai touched, the nulification skill was activated.

The self-contradictory skill that supports the energy of the singular point receded, and the output of the singular point decreased. Eventually, it converged and the "gate" closed. The red imprints disappeared from Chuya's whole body. Eventually, the gravitational field disappeared and the complete silence was restored.

“Good job, Chuuya." Dazai chuckled, looking at Chuuya he was holding in his arms. "I forgot to bring my ink pen, so I'll spare you from having your face scribbled."

As much as it looks like this is from a fanfiction, I can assure you that it's an actual passage from stormbringer.

I can't really say much except the fact that Dazai is being extremely soft here.

And this was the conversation Dazai and Chuuya shared beforehand:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right? the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

After this exchange, Chuuya does decide on using corruption. I have talked about this section on a previous post of mine, and I just love it so much. For starters, I think this conversation that these two shared is very important to their characters.

For Chuuya, it shows us how undeniably selfless he is. He would rather save the people of Yokahama instead of finding out something that meant a lot to him. He sacrificed his own desires to save the people he cares about.

For Dazai its a completely different story, in this exchange Dazai was able to openly express genuine concern for his partner. He also understands the gravity of the decision Chuuya has to take and therefore leaves the decision up to him.

Third time using corruption: Dragon's Head Conflict

Chuuya and Dazai' s age: 16 yrs old

During this one, Chuuya demands to know where his friends are, and Shibusawa says all six of them killed themselves after being caught. Enraged, Chuuya activates Corruption which ultimatley ended the 88 day conflict.

There isn't much to say about Dazai and Chuuya here since there isn't really an aftermath on this occasion but I bealive this picture is enough.

Before reading the DA manga, I genuienly thought that the only time Chuuya ever rested on Dazai's lap was when they were 22 but this proved me wrong.

I mean this is a minimal thing to point out but if Dazai disregarded Chuuya he would've just left him there, right? But instead he remained with Chuuya and allowed him to rest on his lap, in the picture you can also see he is putting Chuuya's hat back on. It's such a simple gesture but it shows us how caring Dazai can be when it comes to Chuuya using corruption.

Fourth time using corruption: Lovecraft Battle, Double Black reunion

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22 yrs old

This is personally one of my favorite times in which Chuuya uses corruption. The fact that these two had not been working together for 4 years yet they still managed to not only accomplish their mission, but mantain their trust for one another.

I find what Chuuya says here extremely ironic because if anything, the choice has always been up to him. Dazai always uses corruption as a last-resort trick and its always Chuuya who makes the final decision of using it or not, even in a life or death situation Dazai won't take it upon himself to force Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not, and hes always willing to come up with an alternative plan in case Chuuya refuses. (an example of this is when Chuuya used corruption for the 2nd time in SB).

I think the reason as to why Dazai takes corruption extremely seriously is because during stormbringer he was the first person to even see Chuuya use corruption and also the person who understood how corruption will always be sort of like a burden to Chuuya, since it was thanks to corruption that his "am I human?" question stayed unanswered.

He knows how it feels to struggle with your own humanity and he doesn't want for Chuuya (who he literally sees as human), to hold that inner conflict with himself because of corruption.

Anyways, Chuuya decides to go through corruption trusting that Dazai will be there to nullify it.

And of course, Dazai does nullify it.

And after Dazai nullifies corruption, we get this very touching moment between both of them.

This is the first time Chuuya openly admits to trusting Dazai, although it was always evident that he trusts him, I just love how open he is being here.

Also the light punch he gives to Dazai's chest is such a sweet gesture, I see it as a silent way for Chuuya to say "I trust you because after all this time I still see you as my partner."

Dazai's smile in that small pannel is one of the most genuine expression we have gotten out of him. What he says is also a very sweet, I love that he calls him partner. The fact that these two are literally in rival organizations yet Dazai still calls him partner, it shows us that even after all these years he still can't help but see him the same way as he has always done.

Actually in Japanese he calls him "Aibou" and from my understanding, when you use the term Aibou it's for someone who you consider yourself to be close with. It means "partner" like in english but it holds a deeper meaning. If Dazai used the word "nakama" it would have been a very diffrent story since it means partner as well but it isn't used for someone you share a significant connection with. Asagiri's play with words here says a lot.

Fifth time using corruption: Dead Apple

Chuuya and Dazai's age: 22yrs old.

Of course I have to talk about one of the most iconic moments in the history of Soukoku.

Chuuya uses corruption to save Dazai, even if Ango says that he's dead for sure. Something I find very intresting here though is that Chuuya screams for Dazai while he is on corruption, he is obviously not supposed to be self concious about the whole situation, while on Corruption clearly he is not supposed to be in sane state of mind, as we all here know, Chuuya loses control and does not have the track of reality while under his own ability but this time, while using corruption, the one and only thing that was on his mind was "Dazai."

It wasn't only Chuuya who entrusted his life to Dazai, Dazai too entrusted his life in Chuuya's hands. When Dazai came up with this plan, he was more than certain that Chuuya was going to save him. And I think a tumblr blog pointed this out but when Chuuya uses curroption, he cannot control his strength, but when he had to punch Dazai he did it lightly, which is strange considering he was using curroption and it would've made a lot more sence if Dazai ended up decapitated due to being punched by a literal god. Dazai had to have faith in the fact that Chuuya will somehow be able to control corruption, even if its just a little bit.

Afterwards when Chuuya manages to rescue Dazai, Dazai gently touches his cheek to nullify corruption and greets him with, "You used Corruption believing in me? I am so touched I could cry." Chuuya groans, and replies that yes he did, that he believed in his disgusting vitality and craftiness.

When they both fall to the ground, Dazai forces Chuuya to rest in his lap because he didn't want to have to protect him from this situation since the fog is still up and Chuuya himself is all worn out and wouldn't be able to fight. But heres the thing, both Chuuya and Dazai's abilities can't be seperated by the fog. I mean Dazai's ability is nulification so it basically cancels out, and Chuuya hosts a literal god inside him so it isn't really an ability if you know what I mean.

So in reality, Dazai just wanted Chuuya to rest. Dazai could've literally just left Chuuya in the fog if he was only using him for his goals, but he was genuienly appreciating Chuuya's trust in him. The way Dazai's hand is resting on Chuuya's hair is a nice gesture too, he is greatful for him and he is moved that someone trusts him, it is shown throughout the Fifthteen and SB light novel that no one trusted Dazai and how most were afraid to even approach him. And in the ADA, everyone is somewhat warry around him (excluding Atsushi ofc). But Chuuya literally puts his life on the line trusting that Dazai will always be there to save him. He trusts him greatly and Dazai knows that, and I think its pretty clear to us that he would never want to break that trust.

The fact that Chuuya trusts Dazai even after he left the Port Mafia without an explanation or goodbye shows us how strong their bond is. Chuuya most likely trusts Dazai because deep down he knows that he isn't using Chuuya's ability out of his own selifshness, a part of him is aware that Dazai uses corruption as a last resort but he just doesn't want to admit it, and I feel like he also trusts him subconciously because of how gentle Dazai is after Chuuya uses corruption.

I really hope we get to see more of these "corruption moments" because in all honesty, these moments are the ones that bring out the most vulenrability for both characters. The moment corruption is used, we see the inmeasurable amount of trust and care these two have for each other that they won't show in other situations. During these times it always shines a very open and bittersweet light on their bond and I love it so much.

[down-in-devildom]

Hello! I saw that your request is open. Can I request for some hcs for the brothers with a very giving mc, but when they try to do something nice for them they get defensive/guilty like "who are you why are you nice to me I'M the nice one here, don't do nice things for me I feel bad?!?" And tries not to burden them in any way. Thank you! I love the way you write uwu

Thank you for the request! Also, I hope people will let others do nice things for them without thinking they don't deserve it or something. You are worth being treated well!!!😤 I also had a hard time naming this request...

Brothers react to MC not accepting returned favors 

cw: guilt tripping(?)

Lucifer

Lucifer was enjoying a date with MC after completing a sizable portion of his work early thanks to them lending a hand. They were dining at the Ristorante Six when he noticed MC scanning the menu very intensely

The grimace the MC did every so often raises some concerns for him. When the MC says that they want to order a small soup of the day, Lucifer looks at them with a raised brow

He could have sworn MC would be famished after having their lunch stolen from them by Beelzebub around noon. MC could not have possibly have had the time to eat a snack, what with all the paperwork and organizing they did for him after classes to try to lighten his workload

When Lucifer asked if that would be enough, MC's stomach let out a mighty roar in response. Lucifer was now suspicious that MC was holding back for some reason so he decides to order the food for the both of them. He signals for a waiter and makes sure to order MC's soup of the day as well as a dish or two he believes would be to their taste

When MC starts to protest about not wanting to be a burden and have him pay a fortune, Lucifer waves off the concerns and assures them they needn't worry about that. Besides, he wants nothing more than for MC to enjoy themselves after helping him earlier

"I don't want to burden you and make you pay for my meal. I am always happy to help but I don't want you to feel obligated to do something in return."

Lucifer is taken aback before he sighs and gives MC a serious and pointed look. "I am a demon that takes pride in my ability to deal out suitable punishments and rewards as I see fit. It will do you well not to question my generosity"

Mammon

Mammon felt like he was in debt to MC for helping him study and pass his latest exam. He could not afford to fail his fourth semester in a row without Lucifer finding out and skinning him alive! He doesn’t normally feel the need to do anything to actually pay people back, but he felt like he really owed MC for this one

When Mammon and MC were visiting the flea market to find some cool trinkets that can probably be resold for a profit on Akuzon, he noticed the MC’s gaze lingering on a small golden ring with intricate engravings. He makes a bit of a show of paying for the ring before losing some of his bravado and shoving his hand in the MC’s face and demanding they take it

MC looks a bit confused before thinking it was something that Mammon thought would resell well and tried to put it in the basket they carried to hold the rest of their haul

“No, ya got it all wrong. I got it for ya to- ya know- thank ya for helpin’ me the other day. I woulda been a goner without you...or something” he mumbles while trying not to look directly at them

“That’s funny and all but what’s the catch? I’m pretty sure you don’t normally give away things or do anything without expecting anything in return”

Although MC does not appear to mean any harm from the comment, it kind of stung a little for Mammon. They can’t seem to grasp that they were special and he WANTED to give them things.

Mammon becomes a bit more sullen about the ordeal and may not give anything directly to the MC from then on. He will opt instead to leave little trinkets in their room or claim he found some trash he needed to get rid of (even though it would clearly be something of value). He does not really know how to show his thanks in any other way so he is kind of stuck in a cycle of trying to backhandedly show his gratitude without his motives being questioned

Satan

Satan’s room was an absolute mess, more so than usual, when MC was kind enough to lend a hand in helping him organize his massive collection of books into something a little less chaotic

He found an ancient tome full of old runes and herbal medicines that he thought he saw MC flipping through while taking a quick break from organizing his things, and assumed it would be a nice token of his gratitude. It was inlaid with gold leaf and the engraved relief on the cover was done with a clearly skilled hand, making the old book really stand out

“Please, take this tome as payment for your time. I would have lost my mind, surely, if you did not help me in my time of need, like you did”

MC’s eyes widened with surprise before seeming to nod and say they would return the book to him later, after they take down some notes for their next hex exam. When he clarifies that he wishes for them to keep the book, MC looked taken aback

“I couldn’t possibly take one of your books! I don’t expect anything for helping you out and you shouldn’t feel the need to pay me back for something I was more than willing to do anyway. It is kind of weird for you to want to give away your books like this when you closely monitor anybody else that takes them”

Satan’s eyebrow twitches just the slightest and he has to keep his smile in place to try to not alarm MC when his irritation spikes slightly. They don’t seem to understand that him thanking them with a gift versus him guarding his collection from Mammon are two different things entirely

He leans a bit into the MC’s space with his smile still plastered on and looks them dead in the eyes. “Do you mean to tell me that the tome is not to your liking?” MC kind of feels forced to take the book and thanks Satan before making a hasty retreat to their own room. Satan takes the newfound space to clear his mind and start thinking of other ways that he can possibly approach the matter in the future without pressuring MC into accepting his generosity

Asmodeus

Asmo’s life and reputation was saved when MC responded to his emergency text asking for a very specific shirt to be brought to his photoshoot. One of the assistant demons did NOT get the memo when he said that he was more of a skull-scream peach kind of guy then a wailing-melon toned guy and the outfit assembly was not doing his beautiful complexion any favors

When Asmo got out from his shoot, he felt like he absolutely had to repay MC for going out of the way for him. He went straight to Majolish and picked out a new outfit for them that he was sure they would look absolutely fantastic in and then hurried home to wrap it up nicely 

Asmo presents the gift with flourish before asking for the MC to open it so he can watch their reaction. Asmo was not disappointed by the stunned look on their face and the silent ‘o’ their mouth made, but got a little put out when they said they could not possibly accept it. Didn’t they like it? Surely he did not pick something that wasn’t to their taste

“I can’t accept this, Asmo, it is way too sweet and generous of a gift! I had to go in the direction of your shoot today anyway so it wasn’t a burden to drop off your shirt. Please don’t reward me for something like that!”

Asmo has met a variety of demons and people over the millenia and can tell that there was something about the gift itself that was making them uncomfortable. He still is firm with them and insists that if he spent the grimm on them, they should take the gift, but starts thinking of other ways to maybe show his thanks in the future

Do words of praise and gratitude make them squirm? How about physical affection? Would a kiss count as a thanks they are willing to accept? He sure hopes so but he wants to show he appreciates them and will try to show it in any way possible until they accept it

Beelzebub

Beelzebub was starving! More so than usual and that is not a pretty sight. He was at RAD during one of the classes when he noticed that his snack bag had mysteriously gone missing when he tried to reach in to pull out a protein bar. His stomach loudly protested and he was starting to eye up some of his classmates as if they were on the menu. MC saved the day when they came rushing in with the aforementioned missing snack bag, that they found in the hallway

Beel was able to happily munch away for the rest of the lesson and it seemed like the whole class let out a collective sigh of relief. Beel was very grateful for the MC taking the time to deliver him his snack bag and decided to treat them to Hell’s Kitchen after school 

MC agreed to go willingly and ordered their food while Beel asked for well over half the menu. After they ate, Beel reached for the tab but found slight resistance when he finally looked at the bill and saw MC’s hand was also on it. When Beel stated that it was his treat for them saving him early, he was met with some pushback

“Please do not feel like you have to pay for me. Giving you the snack bag was for everybody’s benefit, so it actually came from a place of selfishness, really. I do not deserve you paying for me.”

Beel’s heart pinged a little at that. Did MC mean he was so close to losing control that they only helped him out of pity? Out of fear? He knew he was a big and his hunger knew no end, but it kind of hurt to be seen as a threat that needed to be controlled with readymade snack bags like that

Beel kind of shakes it off quickly enough and starts to think that maybe they just didn’t like the meal as much as him and was trying to spare him from paying for something they didn’t really want. He takes the time to watch MC over the next few days to see if there are other foods that they may like better. That was the problem, right? Maybe something from Madam Screams was more their style? How about that crepes stand in the park that was super delicious?

Belphegor

Belphegor was not having a great day. For one, he was awake and for two, he was tasked with doing laundry for HoL this week and he was super behind on his assigned chore. If Asmo pestered him one more time about properly separating out the colors and Lucifer lectured him about how to properly fold fitted sheets, he may just have to be imprisoned in the attic again. Luckily for him, MC took some time out of their schedule to help him finish quicker

Belphie was thankful enough that he figured he could allow them to nap with him as an award. Do not mind the fact that MC always takes naps with him but this time can be a little bit special. He nicked a projector from RAD the following day and set it up in the attic so that it would project constellations on the walls and ceilings. He also made a really comfortable pillow fort for them to share. This took a lot of work on Belphie’s part so it was a privilege for MC to join him

When the MC finally arrived at the attic after Bephie texted them to meet him up there, they were not expecting the space to be turned into such a nice and cozy room. Belphie explained that it was as a thank you for the help the other day after they kept just standing in the doorway. He then demanded they came and laid down with him

“You didn’t have to put all this work into making this space for me! It was just folding laundry. It wasn’t that big of a deal, I promise”

Belphie turns his back on them and kind of pouts into his pillow. If they don’t appreciate him sacrificing sleep to make them happy and feel appreciated, then who cares. He can nap just fine by himself and he is hard press to prove the point

After the MC stands there for a little bit and then finally decides to join him in the pillow fort, Belphie ignores them for a bit. Neither of them move from their spots until Belphie sighs and rolls over to use their chest as a pillow. If all this work really was for nothing, he might as well enjoy his well-earned nap better with a warm body pillow

-------

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....I gave up on proof reading this part way so I hope it is okie dokie

-Leo

[anomitafics]

When The Heart Beats || [1]

WHEN A HEART BEATS || Levi Ackerman x Reader

CHAPTER I

Entering the Survey Corps, Levi never knew what to expect, and as soon as their squad leader had been introduced, he had never felt so insulted in his life.

"You three will be under Squad Leader (Y/N) (L/N)'s command from now on."

Smiling at the trio a woman not too far from their ages waved her hand at them.

"We'll accept orders from her?" Isabelle whispered over at the two men beside her.

"It's better that anyone here I guess, she doesn't seem to be too bossy." the blonde murmured.

The two then placed their attention to Levi who had been silent since introducing himself.

"Well what do you think bro?"

What did he thought?

He hated the fact that they will be placed under a woman. Sure was he aware of being sexist but he didn't give a damn fuck, the shitty organization should've given them a male for a commander, he's worried that he won't be able to protect both his companions at all times so he expected that once their placed under someone's command then the squad leader can help him with his job.

Yet who was he kidding, it was always them against the world.

Clicking his tongue Levi dismissed the question as they towed behind their squad leader.

A quiet "Oh" escaped from their leader's lips that made them three focus their attention to her back.

Swiftly spinning around to face them she pointed to a room not far away from them.

"You three should proceed without me, I'll just get something real quick!"

Levi once again clicked his tongue, making sure the woman in front of them heard of how unimpressed he was.

"I'll be there shortly!" the woman chanted as she flee from their sight.

Isabel plopped her arms under her head in a carefree manner as Farlan chuckled at the strawberry haired girl.

The heavy door gave of a soft creak as the trio went in, Levi giving a scoff at the pathetic excuse of a room.

"This room sure needs Levi bro's skills!" Isabel said as she heard her bro's scoff, slightly attempting to lighten up the raven's mood.

"Yeah! Now we should look for the--" as Farlan attempted to help Isabel up, the room's door swung open revealing their squad leader holding a bunch of cleaning materials.

Farlan hurriedly helped her up as Isabel stared in shock.

"Well, I better help you three clean this place, it's been awhile since someone roomed here." she explained.

"Cool! Am I living here too?" Isabel goshed, heart warming instantly at their leader.

"No young lady, boys and girls live separately, but you'll still be able to train with your friends 24/7 since you're all under me, so it doesn't really matter where you sleep right?" the you woman explained giving her a cheery smile.

Isabel was about to retort when Farlan held her back.

"Isabel...! Y-you shouldn't talk to our leader so casually."

"Oh no it's definitely alright, I never wanted to be treated differently... after all we do seem to be at the same ages. If you were here sooner, one of you might've been the squad leader rather than me." laughing it off she tried so hard to ease the tension in the air that was slowly drowning her.

"Oi." Levi didn't like how the woman was treating them so closely, who did she think she was?

Looking at the floor Levi continued, aware that all attention had been directed to him.

"You speak too much... If you can't shut the fuck out'ta your mouth then you better just leave this place all up to us, we can manage on our own..." pausing he lifted up his face looking dead straight at her [c] eyes.

"Captain." Levi spat out the title as if it were the most disgusting thing his mouth had ever made.

Eyes widened, (Y/N) had never been talked to in such insulting manner... and she wouldn't just let him slide.

'Alright then... two can play the game Ackerman. Let me show you how childish I could get.'

Saluting she straightened her body putting on her most serious and dedicated look.

"Yes Commander! This wouldn't happen again!"

Isabel bursted in to laughter as Farlan couldn't help but to let a snort escape from him.

Levi's face couldn't be painted, he almost lost his cool, but both him and the woman in front him never broke their serious faces.

Turning around (Y/N) took hold of both the heads of the laughing stocks infront of her and bump it into each other lightly making Isabel and Farlan hit their reality.

"Oi! We better be cleaning before the Commander gets mad and make us clean the stables for a week." she said saluting at the process.

Both saluted in return and hurriedly get themselves some cleaning materials but just as Farlan was going to get the broom (Y/N)'s voice boomed:

"Church! Show me your salute!"

Once again Farlan saluted almost beaming with pride. The dark eyed girl gently grab hold his fists and placed it in the right direction.

"That's it." smiling at him, Farlan felt heat travelling through his face in embarrassment.

"Now Commander, please follow me." she stated, leaving the room as she awaits the man who looks like hell had broken loose all the time.

Yet the latter never moved an inch inside the room, frowning at nothing and no one in particular he just crossed his arms.

"Levi..."

Farlan scooted over to Levi in order to get his message through him without their leader hearing.

"...what are you waiting for? Why aren't you following her?"

Levi looked at the blonde as if he had asked the most stupid question there is.

"Yeah Levi-bro! You should probably go, I mean... we could use some allies within the base couldn't we?", this time, Isabel was the one to whisper and instantly Levi looked her straight ahead, he hated her idea.

"No." was his only answer as he walked passed them and out of the room.

There he saw the [c] haired woman leaning against the wall, eyeing the dirt under her boots. She had yet to notice the figure Levi watching her in both despise and curiousity.

"Captain."

'Ah...'

Looking up to the man who had made such respected title sound awfully disgusting, she started:

"I do not wish to be called the title if it were to be said in such rude manner Commander."

"And what makes you think I like being called Commander?" he asked, testing her patience.

(Y/N) took every ounce of effort to not retort with a childish; You started it!. After all she wanted to look as professional as possible to this man.

"You see Commander, I understand why you're acting like this towards me."

Levi's furrowed brows rose up as if signalling the woman to continue.

"You're afraid a woman like me wouldn't be able protect your friends when it comes to battle... You see Commander, allot of my squad mates had also reacted like that, but trust me, I'm not one to leave a comrade behind."

"You don't expect me to suddenly change my attitude towards not only you, but also this whole shitty organization just because of your little ted talk do you?" Levi snorted, fists slightly clenching into fists.

"No." with that the [c] haired girl stood up from her slouching position on the wall.

"But I do expect you to act professionally. I don't know what you're purpose here is, but as long as you're job here isn't done, then one of your goals is to act like a part of the Survey Corps. Man up! If in the underground you were the King then it's damn different here Commander." and with that she started walking away.

Levi just stood there in shock, processing what the woman had just said to him.

'Was he really acting... childish? He'd be damned.'

Turning to a corner, (Y/N)'s legs soon gave up forcing her figure to slide down on the ground.

She did it! She really did!

'Ha!'

Closing her eyes she heaved a long sigh of contentment.

"(Y/N)!!!"

Her peaceful frame was suddenly shoved to the ground as someone had just tackled her.

"Hange!... Hi!" she breathed out as she hugged the brunette back.

"Where had you been?!!" her excited shouts were so loud that some of the recruits had rushed outside their dorms curious of the commotion.

Laughing, (Y/N) helped herself up offering her hand to the brown eyed female who was still sprawled to the ground.

"Hange... What have I told you about the volume of your voice?" the [c] haired female asked.

Grabbing her hand the brunette hoisted herself up excitedly acting as if she wasn't asked a question.

"You act like a mom all the time you know! It's annoying sometimes!" she exclaimed, mindful of her voice this time.

"But you never fail to listen to me like a child, don't you?" smirking (Y/N) placed a hand to her hips.

"So why were you looking for me?"

"Erwin asked for you!" she answered.

"He did? I wonder why." walking side by side this time Hange looked at her as if she asked a stupid question.

"YOU'RE BETROTHED TO EACH OTHER! THAT'S WHY!"

"Hange!!! Stop saying it so loud! ...but you do have a point, maybe he had finally found a way to cancel it." looking at the sky (Y/N) wished he really did.

"Why don't you want to be married to Erwin? You're great friends right?" Hange asked curiously, watching as the [c] haired female beside her looked up the sky.

"That's exactly it... We're good friends who just don't want to marry. I mean, can you imagine it?" (Y/N) laughed as she pictured how awkward the house would be if it were really to come to that point.

"Just imagine me with Erwin's eyebrows, that wouldn't turn out to be such an attractive child wouldn't it?" she stated laughing.

Blinking once, twice, Hange's mouth suddenly formed the biggest shape (Y/N) had ever seen, and soon Hange's ear drum-wrecking laugh sounded through the entire base, making both of them laugh harder, failing to notice the blonde staring at their figures shaking in laughter.

"Are you...? Are you talking about me?" his voice boomed wrecking the two females from their laughing fit, (Y/N) not failing to notice the playfulness in his low growl.

"Oh yes we were Eyebrows! We were talking about how ugly our children would be if they were to inherit that!" poking his eyebrows (Y/N) bursted once again in laughter, Hange was almost dying.

"I most certainly heard otherwise, you see eyebrows are assets." Erwin couldn't help but to let small laugh escape, just watching (Y/N) and Hange loose their breathes from laughing at something that isn't really that funny made the composed man crack up.

Moments like these made Erwin's deep and stressed thoughts temporarily gone, and he liked it.

As their laughter had finally died down, Erwin placed a hand on his temple massaging it lightly.

"Now can Hange leave us for a while? We really need to talk." Erwin asked still massaging his temple, the brunette taking this as her cue to leave.

Once left alone Erwin looked straight into her dark eyes.

"It's about those three."

END OF CHAPTER 1

ANOMITAFICS

When The Heart Beats Masterlist   <----------CHAPTERS HERE!

[swimperialentanglements]

CHAPTER 1 – Mara meets Harris aboard the ISD Chimaera

Mara Jade

Mara entered the bridge of the Imperial Star Destroyer Chimaera and headed straight into the state room, where Gran Admiral Pellaeon was waiting for her. She knew the Admiral only by his career reputation within the Galactic Empire which was impressive to say the least.

AdmiralPellaeon

Pellaeon smiled allowing her to read how sympathetic he was in force towards her.

“Differently from others, I have nothing to fear from you, Hand. I have a mission for you. Are you in between assignment from the Emperor? Or should I look for a bounty hunter?"

The Admiral knew how to handle people and for this reason, he tried to toy with her pride. Little did he know how different Mara Jade was.

Mara Jade

"It's up to you Admiral, and how important this mission is for you." Mara crossed her arms - she was used to that kind behavior from fellow Imperials.

AdmiralPellaeon

Pellaeon grinned as she seemed to have accepted the assignment and pulled a chair on his room, next to the bridge of the ISD Chimaera.  

“Please have a seat. It is a long story”, he says.  

“Have you ever heard of Chibias? It is not that bad planet, I believe. It is located in the Mid Rim, close to Sibisme. There is a great concert hall there”, he explained staring at her beautiful emerald eyes.

Mara Jade

"Please continue", Mara was totally focused on his words, quickly scanning her own memory for any additional information.

AdmiralPellaeon

“The Rebel Scum is plotting something from Chibias. We have control of the planet but we want to move stealthily. It seems there is a traitor in the Rebellion willing to cooperate. I could send Veres or a stormtrooper".  

He briefly grinned. "but I believe that we need to be more subtle, less threatening to the Rebel deserter... perhaps somehow charming. We must find out where their fleet is, so that we can strike them at once”. The Admiral slammed the table as recalled the fallen comrades in past battles.

MaraJade

Mara smiled. "Understood, I'll make my way there tonight see what this rebel whistler has to say".

AdmiralPellaeon

Pellaeon nodded.  

“Do you need transportation? I have a highly trained storm trooper who could help you in this kind of mission. His name is Harris”

Mara Jade

The Hand denied with her head. "I can get there on my own"  

She started walking away then pauses for a second. "And thanks for the information, I'm sure the Emperor will be pleased to know one more rebel cell has fallen".

She headed to her chambers.

AdmiralPellaeon

The Admiral was about to protest as she walks away, but he is mesmerized by the sight of her rear, curvaceous body in the black skintight suit. He swallows dry and smirks, turning the communicator to Harris.  

“She’s on her way to her chambers. You’re ordered to go with her. The Rebel shall be at the Concert Hall and you are to watch her. That’s what Vader commanded”.

By the time she arrived at her chambers in the Imperial Destroyer, a young man around her age is leaning against the door. Standing at 1m88, he is well built and good looking. His blue eyes were piercing the Emperor’s Hand as she approached her room. “Greetings, Mara Jade. I’ve been told you are traveling to Chibias. Perhaps I may be useful.” He threw a data card towards her.

Mara Jade

She stared at the young man standing by, the perfect prototype of a stormtrooper... before war gets to them. She guessed he was probably there because of Pellaeon.  

"I wonder why Admiral Pellaeon things I'm in need of any assistance", she frowned.

TrooperHarris

Harris knew about the legendary beauty of Mara Jade. Nothing would have prepared him to her arrival - he was used to have women drooling around him and for the first time, he seemed to have momentarily lost his ground. His heart skipped a beat when she appeared and as he was told, she declined his assistance. A lone wolf. He approached her, trying to regain the confidence he was used to next to pretty women. She can definitively feel his strong signature in the force. As the data card he had thrown at her direction was on the floor, he bent his knees and took it. He raised his trunk and towered over her, tilting his head to the right.  

“I thought you were going to take this data card in the air”, he said placing the hand next to her in the wall and hitting the opening button of the door.

“You’d rather listen to me. The Emperor may be displeased if you treat me unwell”, he smirked as slid into her chambers.

Mara Jade

She was used to higher rank officers’ attitude, but certainly would have never expected it from a stormtrooper, specially not from one so young. Probably had a nice post next to Admiral Pellaeon, his man of trust, and of course, it had gotten to his head. 'Men' she thought to herself, trying to maintain composure

"I don't like to play catch with strangers" she answered in a flat voice, standing still outside the door.

TrooperHarris  

Harris entered her chambers and turned his back to Mara. He was not a force sensitive –not that he knew anything about the Force - but he was stronger in the force than the average person. Little did Mara know that he reported to higher ranks than Admiral Pellaeon.  

“Mara Jade, we have two options. You can stay outside without knowing what I have to offer you. Or you can come inside, open a bottle or Corellian wine, listen to what I have to say and then, kill me with you bare hands”, he said with an equally flat voice.  

“Of course, you can do that, but I think it’d be a waste of imperial resources”.

Mara Jade

She could sense the young man's arrogance as clearly as his presence in the force. "At least I can agree to one thing, I will kill you with my bare hands" she said, walking in, the door closing behind her.  

"Alright", she said, standing in front of him, her arms crossed. "The reason I won't kill you is?" She stares right at him, her patience running low every second.

TrooperHarris  

“I thought we had agreed you’d kill me”, Harris retorted as he walked to a computer station and tapped on the screen. “How safe do you think it is?”

Mara Jade  

"I'm pretty sure it's not, feel free to get to the point please" She looked at the screen from a few steps.

TrooperHarris  

Harris sat and showing no sign of fear, he typed an 18-character password. “Can you recognize this person?” A long file opened with the basic data about a certain Legolas Castor.

Mara Jade

She carefully looks at the picture of the stranger on the screen

"Enlighten me", she asked, lowering her tone for a bit, she had no clue who that man was.

TrooperHarris  

“It comes as no surprise you are no familiar with. He’s the new human ‘nephew’ serving Black Sun’s Xizor. I believe you heard about this criminal organization. We know they have been playing with us and the Rebels”, he was serious as he had heard about her past missions.  

“The point is: we do not know whether Legolas Castor is actually willing to provide us with some information or to set a trap for the fleet.”

Mara Jade

"We should find out", she answered. The name Xizor certainly resonated in her memory. A highly influential character within the Empire, she had never really liked him, but he was in good favor with the Emperor, and whatever she thought about him was out place.  

"There's a good chance that this guy Castor is only a pawn".

TrooperHarris  

“That’s why they are sending you. You have skills no other spy has, Mara.” Harris swirled the chair, so that he faced her.  

“Legolas Castor has a weakness. Redheads. Of all species. We have a ticket for you and know what? You’re seating just next to him in the concert hall in Chibias”, he says without making any effort to hide his concern about her safety.  

“I was commanded to be away watching over you. Don’t worry, I won’t be a dead loss. You may leave me behind if I get into trouble”.

Mara Jade  

"So that was it", she thought to herself. She had used her looks as a wrap on of distraction before, in fact it was quite an advantage given certain kind of targets.  

"I see you and your boss had everything set. Anyways, this should be a piece of cake" she said "Tell your superior I appreciate him taking the time to make preparations ahead", she added.  

"Now, if you don't mind I'd like to get busy", she finished, walking up to her chamber door and opening it, gesturing for the young trooper to leave.

TrooperHarris  

"Not my boss, our boss", Harris muttered in between his teeth without giving further explanation. He watched her rear swaying, almost in provocation to him - for a second, he wanted to slap it but he declined.  

"I am glad we could come to good terms, Mara. You´ll not be down", he agreed with her request and stepped out of the room - as he was in the door, he added. "Look for an old HWK-290 light freighter in the docking bay. We are not using any imperial transport, since it would raise suspicious... and I will fly it", he added, leaving her chambers. He boarded the ship and waited.

Mara Jade

Mara sighed. That trooper indeed had an attitude and that annoyed her, but she kind of like it. He was also very stubborn, something she would probably have to deal with. The information provided by Harris had been useful, and she herself had thought about piloting a low-profile ship to Chibias... Then there was the Xizor business... she had been on Chibias before, trying to bring some order back 8n to place after suspecting said ruler of treason, unfortunately, Xizor had his ways of not getting his hands dirty, so hard evidence of it was hard to find. Maybe, and just maybe allowing the stormtrooper to join her was a good idea, he could eventually come handy, she thought. She gathered her weapons and prepared a small bag with some appropriate clothes, she would have to merge at the concert hall gala and use her looks to her advantage.  

After a few minutes she boarded the freighter and joined the pilot.  

"Ok Harris, Let go".

TrooperHarris  

Harris decided to play the professional - if they were going to partner, there was no reason for them to fight each other. He stood up and bowed showing some respect.  

“There’s a room behind the pilot cabin: keep it for you, Mara” he said as he prepared the ship to take off.  

“You’ve just had a great stress in Sullust, so take advantage of this ride to relax. If you want to play sabaac or just drink some Corellian wine, I’ll be here”. Shortly after, the two entered the hyperspace. The trip would last 1 day in a series of pre-programmed jumps to the hyperspace.

Mara Jade

She was suspicious of the trooper's sudden change of attitude. He had proved himself useful, but she wanted to make sure he was up to the task, she had known a few stormtroopers who despite of the rigorous training would miss a simple target more than once or even fail protocol. Besides, she wasn't just going to sit for the ride, inaction tended to ruin her concentration. So she went and sat next to him.

"So tell me, stormtrooper Harris, how good of a pilot are you?"

TrooperHarris

Harris did not hide his surprise when Mara approached him. Her attitude was stern and professional. He turned his eyes to her and nodded. "I have had my quota of dogfights with smugglers in some missions for the Empire. I'm still alive, so it may mean something", he said as the ship came out of hyperspace, turned slightly and made another jump.  

"I plotted the known routes, even though the Hand may be authorized to use the Imperial-exclusive ones. I thought it'd be wiser, just in case someone hacks the NavComputer when we are out of the ship. It will cost us some time but will add some safety too." He swirled his chair slightly so that he could see her slender body. She was indeed pretty as he had been told. It was clear why she was the Emperor's favorite Hand.  

"I do not expect that we need to use my skills as a jet fighter. I am more worried about going physical. Those Black Sun goonies do not think twice to beat and torture people. I'm glad I can join this mission. Their crime syndicate must be ended".

Mara Jade

She was impressed by Harris's strategy skills, he had even planned ahead to cover up their tracks in case their transport was found. She smiled in approval. He was also very aware of the dangers they would probably encounter once they reached their destination, and most important, she was a professional but by no means infallible, he could see something she didn't.  

"Let's make sure it happens", she eagerly added to his comment.

TrooperHarris  

Harris stood up, towering over the redhead. He casually placed the hand on the back of Mara's chair. He knew he was winning her, although he lacked the degree of development in the force. "Yes, I don´t like those criminals", he snorted in disdain, trying to hide personal feeling of grief and suffering in relation to the Black Sun. Harris left her alone and walked to the cargo bay, where he took off the silly stormtrooper armour and put on a pair of bermuda. He began to do push-ups shirtless, focusing on what was to come.

Mara Jade

"So that's what it is", Mara could sense this mission has a personal tint for the trooper, perhaps the memories of past battles... and loss. She could empathize with his words, she despised criminals for disrupting the peace and order the Empire worked so hard to keep. But she didn't know what it was like, to take something to the personal ground, after all she had nothing to lose except for her own life which she had dedicated to serve the Empire. She peaked for a second behind her seat and briefly saw the trooper's figure, he was strong and certainly above the average stormtrooper standard of fitness. She smiled and turned her attention back to the window and out to space. They both wanted the same thing, and maybe their motivation wasn't that different. They would both once again serve the Empire for the good of the galaxy.

[heyyyalexa]

Title: A Time Of Change

Chapter Ten : The Name

Summary: Ava Bradford is a former Behavioral Analyst of the Miami Police Department. After the events of the past force her to journey to England and take up a job away from the family she had created, she tries to start anew. At Scotland Yard, she struggles to keep to herself and her life under control, as her nightmares from her past come to haunt her once again.

Author: Alexa @alex-awesome1023​

Words: 2,400

Characters/Relationships: OC x Sherlock

Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Past Physical Abuse, Nightmares

Author’s Notes: Lets go boi!!!!!!... sorry i’ll stop.

Enjoy!❤

All you could hear was your sneakers clapping against the stairs of the college. You had already been through the downstairs rooms nearly running over the maintenance worker who was cleaning. After explaining you just had to cram for exams you asked her where you could study. “Yeah, there’s a study hall classroom upstairs on the third floor. But there might be students there already though.” She said with a raised brow looking at you like you were crazy.

“Did you see them?”

“I just saw a guy in a long coat, he was real tall-” You cut her off, nearly running out of the room shouting behind.

“You said third floor?” You asked over your shoulder as you exited into the corridor looking up to the stairs. Hearing a faint ‘yes’, you quickly bounded up the stairs as quickly as your legs would go.

When you reached the third floor, you saw the light shining from under on the far left doors, hearing voices conversing back and forth just barely. You make your way closer to the doors with as much stealth as you could muster,Taking your gun from your holster as you did. Finally getting to the entrance, you leaned your back against the wall, readying your gun with a faint click but you stop your hand reaching for the doorknob as you realize Sherlock was talking.

“Oh, I am playing. This is my turn. There’s shaving foam behind your left ear. Nobody’s pointed it out to you.” You heard him say. You grinned at the fact that he was naming off the deductions that you had picked up just this morning.

“Ahh. Three years ago - is that when they told you?” You heard Sherlock speak again. He deduced it.

“Told me what?”

“That you're a dead man walking.” You grinned to yourself as you hear the words leave his mouth. You heard Jeff Stewart to explain an aneurysm as you readied to open the door until you heard Jeff speak your name.

“Any breath could be my last but I'm impressed, your lady friend Ms. Bradford already deduced that part.”

“Oh?” Sherlock's interest perked a bit.

“Yea, I have to admit, I was surprised at first when she asked the questions but after a little deducing myself I could see how naive she is in her young mind.” You heard him say making your group on your gun ever so tighter.

“Why do you say that?” Sherlock asks as he could help but be intrigued.

“I dropped her off and she started muttering this nonsense about talking to my kids about my being sick and something about not letting precious time with my family go to waste.”

“Was she wrong?” Sherlock asked

“No. But this is how I'm spending my time.” You heard Jeff say making you furrow your brow. He’s not killing people because he's sick. He's killing for another reason, something stronger than bitterness.

“So because you're dying you've just murdered four people?”

“I've outlived four people. That's the most fun you could have on an aneurysm.” He keeps anchoring the conversation with his kids. It has to be about them somehow.

“No… no, there's something else. You didn't just kill four people because you're bitter, bitterness is a paralytic…” As you heard the words leave Sherlock's lips it clicked. Hiding your gun once more you opened the door.

“Love… can be a much more vicious motivator when it comes to, well, anything really.” You said as you stood in the doorway, making the both of them turn to you with shock.

“So this is about your children.” Sherlock asks turning back to Jeff who had a hurt expression on his face making it harder for you to keep your composure. How could a man who loves his kids, make an excuse to kill four people with no remorse? Wait… the sponsor…

“You both are good aren't ya? Jeff said looking down to the desk as if trying to keep his emotions in check.

“But how?” Sherlock asked ignoring his statement. You took this opportunity to walk closer as you did you saw that there were two bottles on the table. Wait what… no he's not serious? That's when you noticed the gun.

“When I die they won't get much, my kids. Not a lot of money in driving cabs.” Jeff said still looking towards the desk.

“Or serial killings.” Sherlock said making Jeff look up to him with a grin.

“You'd be surprised. He said condescendingly. Making you speak up.

“Then surprise us. Let me guess your weird killer sponsor?” You moved to the side of him making him look up at you with another grin.

“For every life I take, more money goes to my kids. The more I kill the better of they'll be. Ya see? It's nicer than you think.”

“Who would sponsor a serial killer?” Sherlock asks in a low voice.

“Who’d be a fan of Sherlock Holmes? Or even you?” Jeff said looking to you over his shoulder with a smile making you clench your jaw. “Ya see, he really liked the little stunt you pulled in the cab. Your deducing skills. The original plan was to pick up Mr. Holmes but he wanted you here as well.”

“Who?” You asked slowly marching your hand over to your gun.

“You're not the only ones who enjoy a good murder.” Ignoring your question and looking to Sherlock. “There are others out there just like you, except you're just a man. And there's so much more than that.” Jeff said looking straight at Sherlock. Something doesn't feel right, all of the question and answers have been directed towards Sherlock. It was only a coincidence that I got into his cab and saw his deduction. He would’ve killed me if I didn't. But up until this point, it's been about Sherlock. As you were trying to get a hold on the situation you could heard the frustration and confusion in Sherlock's voice, maybe a hint of rage.

“An Organization? What?”

“There's a name no-one says. And I'm not gonna say either. Now, enough chatter.” Jeff gestured towards the bottles. “Time to choose.” Jeff said with a trophy grin. You, on the other hand, were filled with all kinds of emotion mostly confusion and integument. You looked to Sherlock asking the question with your eyes and he just looks to you and then the bottles.

“What if I don't choose either? I could just walk out of here and Detective Bradford could arrest you here.” Sherlock said looking to you for a moment then back to Jeff. As he did you watched as Jeff adjusted himself in his seat as he reached into his pocket and pulling out the pistol.

“You could take a 50-50 chance? Or I could shoot you in the head. Funny enough no one's ever gone for that option.” Jeff said point the gun to Sherlock's skull. You could help the snicker that escaped your lips. As your giggles filled the silent room the both of them look to you in shock.

“Oh I'm sorry. Don't mind me I just think… you need to work on your sales pitch a little better there Jeff.”

“Really? Because I have killed four people.”

“Is that a confession?” You asked in a taunting manner. Looking at the gun in his hand you noticed the little chip of paint coming off the gun. You grinned at how idiotic people could be.

“I mean really? I can empathise with the four people because they were blinded by fear and the fact that they were going to die. But using it on well him is just… sad.” You continued as you made your way down the aisle towards the door.

“Do you really want to take that chance Mrs. Bradford?” Jeff asked still pointing the gun at Sherlock. “Should you really be talking, going by your past at least?” You came to a sudden stop as you heard him say this. You tried to calm the thump of your heart as you exhaled and turned to meet his eye.

“Excuse me? I couldn’t quite hear you.” Your eyes challenged his own as you glared his way.

“My sponsor sent me a kind wrap sheet of yours and I'm just saying, you Americans are quiet pitiful.”

“Doesn't everyone have a wrap sheet.” You asked playfully, trying to play along.

“Sure but not like yours. You're quite the secretive one, especially when comes to your past.” Jeff said turning back to Sherlock who was intrigued but cautious.

“Really? Find anything you like?” You asked looking to your phone seeing what time it was and texting Greg to come to your location.

“Oh yeah, especially the bit about your mother.” As the words left his mouth you felt your heart stop mid-beat. Instinctively, you reached for your locket around your neck that hung low on your chest. Liar!... Sherlock saw that he had hit a nerve that struck you hard, going by your bodily reaction to reach for the necklace.

Your eyes never strayed from Jeff’s, your glare full of fire and rage and his filled with  condescending mirth. You nearly flew off the desk shooting your way over to him but were stopped by a firm arm blocking your way. You hadn't noticed Sherlock get up when you were blinded with rage. He barely registered to you as you pushed against him.

“You're lying! You know nothing about me.” You said through your teeth trying to push Sherlock away to get to Jeff's neck and face.

“Oh I'm sorry, I've said to much.” Jeff said over his shoulder and your vision turned red. Sherlock saw the rage on your face and knew it was real. He just wanted to leave. Jeff was a disappointment of a serial killer and what ever you were hiding, he knew it was something that you’re trying to keep out of the light for good. This was no way to address it. But his curiosity was getting to the best of him.

“Ava. We're leaving. This was a disappointment anyway.” Sherlock whispered down to you making you side glance up to him. As he let go of you, he continued. “Well this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case.” Sherlock said making his easy way towards the door. Turning towards the door you heard Jeff turn in his seat.

“Just before you go, did you figure it out?” You see Sherlock stop and half look at him. “Which one's the good bottle?” You heard him say, making you look to Sherlock with a furrowed brow as he looked down to you with a bemused grin for a short moment.

“Course. Child's play.”

“Well which one then?” Sherlock opens the door but showed no signs of leaving. “Which one would you’ve picked, just so I know whether I could have beaten you?” You couldn't believe this man. Sherlock wasn't dumb enough to fall for this… was he?

Your answer was quickly answered as you heard the door close making you roll your eyes. Of fucking course he is. You watched Sherlock's expression change, completely ignoring your presence. Jeff chuckled behind you from he was still sitting and you’re blood picked up it’s rolling boil once more.

“Come on, play the game.”

“Sherlock…” Slowly, he walks back towards him. You grabbed his upper arm, ready to drag him out of the room yet when his eyes met yours, you quickly let go. The fire there was burning fiercely and knowing you couldn’t stop the flame in Sherlock’s eye at that moment, you watched his back as he approached the table; an addict looking for their next fix...

He gets the table and reaches out, sweeping up the bottle nearest to Jeff then walking past him. Jeff looks down at the other bottle with interest but his voice gives nothing away as he speaks.

“Oh. Interesting.” He picks up the other bottle as Sherlock looks down at the bottle in his own hand. Jeff opens his bottle and tips the capsule out into his hand and holds it up and looks at it closely while Sherlock examines his own.

“So what d’you think?” He asked as he looked to Sherlock. “Shall we?” At that moment you wonder where John was before Jeff spoke again. “Really, what do you think?” Standing up and facing Sherlock fully. “Can you beat me? Are you clever enough to bet your life?” As the silence filled the room you couldn't help but look past the both of them to the opposite building across the courtyard in a window of a seemingly identical classroom seeing John’s horror-filled eyes. You saw him yell but you couldn't hear.

Unaware of the discovery that you made Jeff continues, holding up his pill as looks at Sherlock.

“I bet you get bored, don't you? I know you do. A man like you…” You watch as Sherlock unscrews the lid of the bottle, “...so clever. But what's the point of being clever if you can't prove it.” You see as Jeff glances to you over his shoulder before returning his gaze to Sherlock. Wait a second…

Sherlock takes out the capsule and holds it between this thumb and finger, raising it to the light to examine it more closely. Everything about thing didn't feel right to you. This sponsor person is a psychotic fan of Sherlock. I'm just here on coincidence. This whole thing… is made up to bait Sherlock! As you made the assumption you hear the words.

“Still the addict.” You hear the words as you look to Sherlock who was practically in a trance. “But this… this is what you're really addicted to, innit? You'd do anything… anything at all,” You notice the tremble of excitement and anticipation in Sherlock's hand as the pill comes closer and closer to his lips. “To stop being bored.” Jeff matches Sherlock's slow movements with his own pill towards his mouth. Snap out of it Sherlock.

“You're not bored now, are you?” At this point the pills were inches from theirs mouths making your anxiety burst. This wasn’t about the four murders and it wasn't about the sponsor. It was about Sherlock’s weakness!

“Innit good?” You heard Jeff say as your deduction appears you shoot forward reaching for the pill. “Sherlock stop-” but before you could reach him, a gunshot rings out filling the silent classroom with a deafening thunderclap.

MASTERLIST:

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[ravencall70]

The Heart of a Crow (excerpt)

"Zev,

I was so pleased to receive your letter so soon after arriving here in Amaranthine. Things here are... unsettling. Vigil's keep was under attack by darkspawn when I arrived and all the Wardens from Orlais are dead or missing.

They're organized Zev and more disturbing is that the one I killed... talked. He was threatening the Keep's seneschal when I stopped him. I don't know what this means but the Wardens who I thought I'd be leading are no longer here.

King Alistair, (and yes, Zev, I know how weird that sounds), arrived shortly after we cleared out the darkspawn. He couldn't stay, but did help me stop a Templar from returning a mage to the Circle.

Yes, another mage is following me around. He's been conscripted into the Grey Warden's, as was Oghren who was here when I arrived. And yeah he still reeks of... well, whatever that stench is, I still haven't figured it out.

I miss you Zev. I wish I was with you in Antiva. I don't like the thought of you on your own against the Crows. And before you mention my risk, you know it's different. I have people watching my back here and you're alone. Sorry, I just worry. Plus, I'm sure the weather there is a damn sight better than the northern coast of Ferelden.

When I'm finished here, I intend to join you. I do not like being away from you. Promise you'll be careful? I love you Zevran.

Avery"

*

My dear Grey Warden,

Talking darkspawn. Braska, I do not like the sound of that but it is a delight to hear from you amor. Truly, your words are like the sweetest breeze across my skin. If I was not busy evading the members of my former order I would be inclined to write you some dreadfully sweet poetry. Alas, the Crows are nothing if not persistent and I do not have the time just yet.

But do not worry about me. I have enlisted some assistance from a friend we met in Denerim. She is most helpful, not to mention useful as a sinfully seductive distraction for my enemies. (As well as the most skilled blade I have ever known.) Besides myself of course.

We managed to neutralize the most recent attempt to put an end to my quest and the guildmaster of Treviso in Antiva. I pray your tenure in Amaranthine is a short and victorious one. I miss having you at my side. Not to mention over me and under me, naked and... Apologies, I got carried away. Be safe my dear warden. Camping in a tent while avoiding the Crows is just not the same without you at my side.

Z."

*

"Zev,

I hope you're safe. Things here are... weird. Not to mention gross, disturbing and... difficult. It is nothing at all like it was before we stopped the Blight. My companions here are... harder to tolerate or even like really than those we once travelled with.

I enjoy talking with Segrun, a female dwarf from the Legion of the Dead. She's like a breath of fresh air compared to some of the others. Oghren hasn't changed much and is going to be a father, though Felsi had to come here to confront him for leaving her or I would never have known. There's also a mad female Dalish mage who if I wasn't desperate for help I might have killed outright. (Don't worry, I won't kill her, though she is the rudest person I've ever met. Yes, even more so than Morrigan.)

I think I mentioned another mage yes? His name is Anders and though pleasant enough, I can't help but think he has a lot of secrets he hides behind deflection and bad jokes. There are two others in my misfit group but I hesitate to mention them. Perhaps next time.

How goes your hunt? You mentioned enlisting the aid of a friend in your last letter. I hope she's as good as you say and trustworthy. I got the impression she might not hesitate to serve up a little payback for how you parted from her the last time you were together.

Dreadfully sweet poetry? Really love, anything you pen would greatly lift my spirits. I cannot convey how dreary things are, though I sense we're nearing the end of the troubles here. When my work is complete, I am coming to join you in Antiva. I am weary of darkspawn and broodmothers (don't ask), and I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms.

Ti amo,

Avery"

*

"My dear Grey Warden,

Broodmothers? If I did not know you as well as I do, I might think you were toying with me. Alas, your tone was enough to convince me you are quite serious and it worries me.

Truly? You wish me to write you a poem? Hmm. Braska, I am interrupted. I will think on it and compose something suitable.

I have returned! Quite exhilarating that was. But you had asked for a poem and this is what I have for you.

When I faltered, my life was forfeit

When I failed, your hand was there

When I shared, you didn't judge me

When I fell, your touch was fair

Am I dreaming, am I deceived

Does he mock me, I cannot say

Then you kissed me, a dance I play

You asked for more, my heart was hard

I looked for tricks, they were not there

I know not this dance, I gave a token

You didn't press, my heart was warming

Can this be real, I think, ti amo

You smile, it's true

Tis a blessing, mi amor

You whisper, I love you, and I am yours.

Sincerely, I do not believe it is my best attempt. Perhaps I should just borrow from those more talented no? I hope your troubles in Amaranthine conclude soon. I wait with bated breath to hear from you again. Isabella and I have defeated the guildmaster here in Seleny and are moving on to Rialto. A pleasant coastal city closer to Antiva city but not too close. I am looking forward to a nice bowl of fish chowder and an indulgent amount of Antivan brandy, though I would much prefer to share these things with you.

Ti amo Avery,

Z."

*

"Zev,

Your poem is beautiful and exactly  what I needed when it arrived. I mentioned there were two others here with me in Amaranthine last time? They are... unconventional, to say the least but are committed to stopping the darkspawn. One is Nathaniel Howe, yes that Howe and no, I am not crazy. I conscripted him and he has earned my trust if not my loyalty. I may even recommend he take over here when this business is done.

The other is a... how do I say this? We ended up in the Fade while looking for a missing Grey Warden. He was dead and when the blood mage we confronted sent us back, a spirit of Justice came with us (entirely by accident), and inhabited the Grey Warden's body. Yes, it is as creepy as it sounds but it didn't seem right to let him just wander off alone. Honestly, I've no idea what to do about him or if I even can do anything.

I am all right Zev, but I admit I get tired of being trapped in the Fade against my will. I hope you are safe and that your beloved fish chowder was delicious. Have another brandy for me, sadly all the Warden's have here is cheap whiskey and even cheaper wine.

Love,

Avery"

*

"Avery,

What do you mean you conscripted a Howe? A spirit of Justice? Your description reminds me of the mortalitasi in Nevarra. I do not like this amor. Also, I get the feeling things are much worse there than you have led me to believe, though I hope that is just my imagination and you are not holding something back.

Isabella has had to disappear for a time and I have left Rialto and am staying in a small village further inland. Things did not go well in Rialto but the fish chowder was just as I remembered it.

Do not worry about me amor, I am safe enough and it seems to me you have more than enough to deal with. I intend to remain here until Isabella returns as it is too dangerous to venture out on my own.

You liked my poem? Truly? Ah, ti amo you flatter me. Perhaps while I am here I shall attempt another one, better this time. Oh, I must go. The farmer has need of me. Keep yourself safe amor, I wish to see you safe and whole when you return to me.

Z."

*

"My Warden,

It has been two months since I last heard from you and I am worried. Isabella has returned to Rialto but we have made no plans as I am not at my best with worry for you. How can I plot my revenge on the Crows if I do not know what may have befallen you?

Please write soon ti amo. I am sending a second letter with this one, addressed to whoever might have answers for me. I hope they will be able to help.

Continued on AO3