#I don't hate on anyone and I usually keep these things to myself unless it proves to be an active threat to someone's health

[dr5amatic]

IN THE ASHES ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel an ember in the ashes by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

why do keep disappearing when i need you?

i wasn't spying.

what you saw is dangerous. you can't tell anyone about it. not ever.

keep your secrets close, love.

i'm not working for them.

don't be afraid [name], i won't let anything happen to you.

what are you doing down here?

much as i hate to admit it, you're not usually wrong.

the field of battle is my temple.

the dance of death is my prayer.

the killing blow is my release.

aren't you a pretty one.

who trained you?

keep it safe for me just until i come back.

unless you're stupider than you look, even you can see how this appears.

you worked hard. you did everything right.

go, [name]. go get some air. i'll handle this.

the ghosts of our misdeeds seek vengeance, but the cost will be high.

you are an ember in the ashes, [name]. you will spark and burn, ravage and destroy. you cannot change it. you cannot stop it.

we don't abandon our own!

who do you want me to spy on?

shadows will bloom in your heart and you will become everything you hate.

so my choices are either to stay and be evil or run and be evil. wonderful.

they always underestimate me.

this isn't a mission for the fainthearted.

go away. you're not real.

you're distracted when you can ill afford to be.

if you want to win this, you need to wake up.

i've already wasted too much time cleaning up your messes.

lay low. don't risk spying until you're certain you won't get caught.

fail me again, and we're done.

these are my friends, my family. people i know. i wouldn't hurt them.

how do i make it stop? i have to make it stop.

until you conquer your fear, the dead will remain with you.

i won't kill you. i swear it. by blood and bone, i swear it.

you're going to be fine. i'm going to fix you right up.

fight, [name]. you have to fight. you have to win.

death before tyranny.

if what you say is true, then the balance is upset, and we must restore it.

you look terrible. come into the shade.

you really should run. you’re just going to die.

wait, you idiot! it might be a trap!

i won’t let you fall, i promise.

i want you to know that i think what you’re doing is brave. really brave.

it’s not a stupid idea, just dangerous. i don’t want you getting hurt.

you’re trying to sneak out.

i wouldn’t have traded this for anything.

i live with my sins everyday. i live with the guilt.

i’ve never asked you for anything. i’m asking you now.

you think i can’t defend myself? you think i need bodyguards?

i’ve been distracted worrying about you.

i’ll kill him for this.

don’t talk. just keep quiet and… let me think.

you’re in love with me! but i'm not in love with you, and you hate me for it. you’ve let that ruin our friendship.

i could never be in love with you.

you have no idea what I’ve given up for you, the deal i made. 

who did this?

look at you–look what they’ve done to you.

you don’t have to be brave.

do you have what i want?

i have something, but i need more time.

if you have nothing, then this mission is a failure.

don’t have time for that. I’ve got other things on my mind.

if i wanted to hurt you, i’d already have done it.

as long as there is life, there is hope.

either way, you’d have blamed yourself.

either way, people you cared about would have suffered.

i should have stayed, even if it meant dying.

they won’t let you have compassion or kindness. they won’t let you have a soul.

my soul’s gone. I killed it dead on that battlefield.

there are two kinds of guilt. the kind that’s a burden and the kind that gives you purpose. 

you have a soul. it’s damaged, but it’s there. don’t let them take it from you.

you don’t need to be so cat-footed. i’m not armed.

you’re surprised? you’re naïve, is what you are. you’re a fool.

you’re sick. don’t you have any regret? any remorse?

i’ll celebrate them. i’ll mourn them. but i won’t regret what i did. i did it for the empire. i did it for my people.

don’t make vows when you can’t know their cost.

i crossed a line, and i won’t cross it again.

do you know what i do to spies?

be strong. if you don’t win this, everything is lost.

i will be your blood shrike, your second-in-command, the sword that executes at your will, until death. i swear it.

in the night, your loneliness crushes you, as if the sky itself has swooped down to smother you in its cold arms.

there is nothing of me that is worth anything.

tell me, or i slit your throat here and now.

you’ll pay for this. i swear it to the skies, to the stars. you’ll pay.

just because he’s a good leader doesn’t mean he’s a good person. he lied to you.

for the first time since i can remember, i don’t feel alone. because of you.

i can’t–i can’t stop thinking about you. i’ve tried not to. i tried to push you out.

i’ll take care of everything. i promise.

the moment i knew you existed, i hated you.

if i feel regret, it’s that i wasn’t willing to die sooner.

i’d rather die than live with no mercy, no honor, no soul.

fear is only your enemy if you allow it to be.

too much fear an you’re paralyzed. too little fear and you’re arrogant.

i’ll watch your back if you watch mine. we can make it if we stick together.

[lohotine]

(does a lil twirl) hi!!! hello!! i’ve never sent in an ask like this before, so sorry if i do something wrong o|-<! but what would be your take/your thoughts on a yandere shadow milk situation, where the reader truly starts to fight back, resist? 🤔

AN: Inspo from the song "Meant To be Yours."

Shadow Milk x Reader

Oneshot

Warnings: Yandere, toxic relationship, obsessing, manipulation, mentions of murder

-Locked Out-

"Come on doll, you're just being silly!"

A few knocks would be sounded on your door.

"I already told you. I'm not coming out until you agree to let me leave!"

Shadow Milk sighed. Surely you didn't think that something as simple as a door would be able to stop him... right? He almost found your stupidity amusing....

Oh well. Entertaining this small delusion of yours for a little while couldn't hurt.

"You know locking yourself in there kind of defeats the purpose of being able to escape, right?" He'd ask you.

...

"I don't care! I just don't want to see your stupid face. I hate you!"

And you'd keep repeating that last line over and over.

"I hate you."

He knew better than anyone that those words held no truth. They couldn't! How could you hate him when all he's been doing has been in your name?

He lived for you. He breathed for you. All of his thoughts were for you. It was all you, you, you, you, you!

You were akin to a beautiful bird. One that, if it were to ever escape, would surely be hunted down by others. That's why you needed to stay here, with him, where he could keep you safe.

Keeping you chained down was in your best intrets, even if it did strip you of your freedom... He was the only one who deserved to see you, after all.

"Listen, my doll. I love you so much. Why don't we just end this silly argument?"

His voice sounded so inciting, yet it was laced with a venom that would kill you if you ever let it in.

"No. Don't talk to me unless you're bringing me outside."

There you went again, acting all stubborn... It was a fun game at first, but it's now become a lot more troublesome.

"Open this door," he said, this time with much less leniency in his voice.

He said it in such a way that shook you to your very core. It was cold and uncaring, unlike his usual playful self.

But... you just knew you couldn't open that door. You'd basically be handing your freedom over to him.

"You know I hate it when you do these things-" a loud bang came from the other side of the door, "you always make it look like I'm the bad guy."

But you would not move. You did not open that door. You could not open that door.

"If this door isn't open in five seconds, I'm going to come in there myself."

...

What caused his personality to change so much?

"Five."

Why did it have to be you that he adored?

"Four."

Can't he just leave you alone?

"Three."

He's actually insane!

"Two."

Please go away...

"One."

....

You asked for this, Shadow Milk thought to himself. If only you had cooperated more. Maybe he wouldn't have to do these things. It really was all your fault.

He vanished into some shadows before swiftly reappearing on the other side of the door; where you were.

Ah, he just loved seeing your face full of fear.

We're you scared of him?

Good. You should be.

It's about time you realize who's really pulling the strings.

"You didn't really think escaping me would be so easy right? A simple locked door is hardly an obstacle, doll." He bent down in front of you, smiling and patting your head degradingly.

Tears would prick the corners of your glossy eyes as you realized you had lost.

"Oh, I've just had the most brilliant idea!" He leaned slightly closer to you. "You said you wanted to go outside, right?"

There wasn't a response from you, but you looked up at him ever so slightly.

"How about I bring you to a nice little village and slaughter each one of the residents in front of you?" His smile turned crazed, and there was hardly any sanity left in those eyes of his.

I mean, of course he'd never actually bring you outside. There was too much risk in something like that. He just needed to scare you a bit. Get you to submit.

You'd grab his arm and started to beg; quite pathetically at that.

"Don't-"

He just kept smiling, forcing you to your feet and dragging you around by the wrist.

"Wait! Don't do that please," You'd say in between a few sobs.

His grasp around your wrist tightened.

"Tell me you're sorry," he said.

"What-?"

"Apologize."

"I'm sorry.." your legs began to quiver and you'd take a small step away from him instinctly.

He cupped your face, bringing you closer to him. "For what?"

"For not listening."

It's strange, really. He was the one breaking you down, yet you were the one apologizing. It's scary how easy it is to get you crawling back to him.

"All right. I'll forgive you. But only because I'm so loving and understanding."

He brought your face to his, pushing his forehead against yours.

"Just know that next time I won't hesitate to kill all of them, and it'll be all your fault if I do."

《☆》 Fin

[naamahdarling]

Two days ago and I was comfortable enough that this was the right choice that I was able to make the call to have Smooch put to sleep. I am sure now. I wish I weren't. It hurts to see him like this. The vet is out or I would move it forward. We could do the emergency vet but I literally do not think I could do it without our vet and my favorite nurse. That feels selfish but when she answered the phone yesterday the comfort was... astonishing.

I'm trying to prepare. I've been waiting for this for a long time, which is why it's bearable at all. I have entertainment, I have an art project to memorialize him ready to go for whenever I feel like it. I have plans to make a couple of keepsakes. But there's going to be a hole in my life so much bigger than his frail little body. It's the end of part of me. He has been there in my future for so long, thinking about not having him there is like vertigo, or a reverse haunting of some kind. It's a Wrongness, part of the world about to be unmade. He is genuinely part of my identity. I'm all these things that I consider core parts of me -- queer, funny, creative, curious, a little clever, loving, an artist, a survivor, my friends' friend, my blood sister's sister, my chosen sister's sibling, my father's daughter, my boyfriend's partner...and I'm Dried Pickle Man's person.

Here at home IRL and online, and everywhere I go, to almost anyone I speak to at all, I have been his human for 13 years and 27 days.

And that isn't enough apparently, because Sid, too, is slipping away. I...I don't know that we can save him, either. His digestive issues are keeping him from eating, we can't stop the flare, a feeding tube won't fix it, meds aren't helping him. He's losing weight very fast. Vet is at a loss. I usually have a pretty good idea of what to do next or what needs to happen. I have nothing for him. The specialist might know. How the hell do we keep affording it?

And Raleigh. Oh god. Raleigh. If we can't afford the surgery or if it fails. What do we do?

What if we lose all three?

What if my boyfriend loses BOTH his boys? Raleigh alone is going to devastate him. Not just sad, like ordinary grief, I mean I have never ever in my life seen an animal love a human this much.

He's already struggling with his depression and ADHD. He will suffer and there is nothing I can do to stop this all from happening. I can't dig into a hidden well of trying harder, I can't outsmart it. I can't comfort him by saying that it is hard but possible to influence this. I hate seeing him in pain.

And I'm scared for me. I am afraid it will just ruin him and I will lose him too, until and unless he can recover. And I already spend so much time alone. Even my art is...gone. Too painful. Writing isn't really possible, either. My body barely feels like mine these days. I have so fucking little to hang on to. My cats are one of the last things I have of myself. One of the only good things I have in my day to day life.

It's all an absolutely terrifying cascade. Unlike a lot of situations where I'm scared of the future, this isn't me afraid of unlikely scenarios that are several crises away. This is very real. And I'm usually not scared for my boyfriend like this.

It won't kill us. You can come back from something like this, probably, I know people survive much worse and I'm bombarded with reminders of that a dozen times a day. But it can take such a long time to come back, and...sometimes you just...Come Back Wrong.

I'm not often genuinely completely helpless. I am helpless now.

[kiiwiigii]

The Red-Eyed Boy pt. iii

Pt. One | Two | Outtake

Alec x Swan!Fem!Reader

Summary: Alec returns and shows you how sorry he is. *wink, wink*

Warnings:

Smidge of angst

Smidge of bondage

Straight up smut

Word Count: 3,130

A/N: Today I learned that suck at writing smut, but please enjoy anyways. As with all my Alec fics, he is aged up. Also, I am fucking obsessed with this gif.

Tags: @rosedpetal, @lack-lust-3r, @badass-daisy-22

Alice and Bella eyed me warily from their spot on the kitchen table as I padded around the kitchen. It was my turn for dinner tonight and I was working on a new recipe.  

"Please stop looking at me like that. I'm not about to keel over dead and I'm definitely not about to poison Bella right before she gets married." 

I grinned when Bella scrunched up her nose in annoyance. 

"You're not gonna die because you're tied to Edward through a piece of paper, Bells." 

"Says you." She grumbled. 

"Have you heard from him?" Alice asked softly. 

"No." I pursed my lips. 

It had been nearly two weeks, and I hadn't heard a damn thing from Alec. I had called and texted only to be ignored and left on read. I knew he'd be mad, but for the love of God, he was taking this too far. I just wanted to strangle him. I had spent the first week moping before trying to shake myself out of it. I refused to let myself fall into the state that Bella had after Edward left. 

Although it was really hard not to. I still had my moments, usually in the evenings when I was alone. 

I paused in the middle of chopping an onion, looking over my shoulder at Alice. Her visions were the only thing I could really count on right now, unless I had a vision of my own. Unfortunately, sleep had been avoiding me, and when I did sleep nothing came to me. 

She shook her head sadly, indicating that she hadn't seen anything. Yet. However, she also hadn't seen anything different from her previous visions, so nothing had really changed, and that gave me hope. 

"So, Y/N, we have your first dress fitting tomorrow." Alice, thankfully, changed the subject.  

"Ooh yay! Do I get to see Bella's dress?" 

Bella groaned before plonking her head onto the table. She was so easy to tease. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want to marry me." Edward entered the kitchen, shrugging off his jacket. 

I smiled watching them all together, happy to watch the little scene from afar. Eventually I had to turn back around, doing my best to hum a tune in my head, both to distract myself from the situation with Alec and so Edward wouldn't pick up on my depressing thoughts. This should be a happy time. 

Somehow, I don't think I was fooling anyone. 

It was official. I hated weddings and anything to do with them. I was almost positive that had I not been in a house full of vampires, Rosalie would have stuck a few pins in me on purpose.  

It was dark by the time I finally arrived home, and all I really wanted to do was shower and pass out on my bed. Keeping up a relatively happy façade almost 24/7 was exhausting. 

The house was dark, and I suddenly remembered that dad was out on one of his camping trips with a friend. Well, at least I would have the house to myself, and I could be as depressed as I wanted. 

I went straight to my room to gather some pajamas and a towel. I almost felt too tired to even shower, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to make sure I do some basic self-care. Throwing my bag onto the bed, I began to strip. 

"You should keep your window locked." 

I jumped and let out a scream, quickly covering myself, dress already hanging half off. 

It was Alec, propped up on my bed, another book in hand. How had I not seen him?? I even threw my bag in his direction. 

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I wheezed at him, trying my best to get my racing heart back under control. 

"Not particularly." His eyes roamed over me, from head to toe, his eyes lingering on my neck, where my pomegranate seed necklace hung. And then the dangling straps of my dress. "You look beautiful, tesoro." 

I blinked rapidly, trying my best to figure out what the hell was happening. I hadn't heard from Alec in nearly a month and here he was, just sitting here. In my room. On my bed. As if nothing had ever happened.  

"Where have you been? Why have you been ignoring me?"  

He simply eyed me before closing the book with a thump.  

"I was extremely… angry. There was a while where I did not really have control of myself. I even scared Jane." He admitted. "I didn't want to take it out on you. Or for you to see that side of me." 

I glared at him. 

"So, you just disappear without a word? Didn't bother telling me that you were okay and that you just needed space? You're aware that I've had visions of you since I was like, six years old, right? I've seen you angry." 

"Not like this, you haven't." He said quietly. 

"Do you know what I thought? I thought you had left me. Despite whatever Alice's visions tell her, I know that they can change at the drop of a hat. I was just sitting here waiting, praying that you wouldn't change your mind." 

Fuck, here come the tears. 

He was next to me in a heartbeat, hands cupping my face. I tried to back away, but he kept his grip firm. 

"I would never leave you, Y/N." He said softly, wiping the tears away. "Ever. I have never been good at relationships. I have always kept myself at arm's length, but you, you are different. And when I saw you on that field, after the battle, I had never been so scared and angry in my life." 

He paused for a minute, searching. "Had I lost you, I would have burned the world down." 

My breath hitched in surprise, and I could feel my heart skip a beat. He kissed me then, and I allowed it, wrapping my arms around his neck as he reached for my waist. His kiss was soft and controlled, while mine was bordering on desperation. 

"Don't you ever do that to me again." He whispered against my lips, a warning. 

Why did that turn me on and piss me off at the same time? 

"I'm sorry, what was that? Because it sure didn't sound like an apology, Alec." 

He pulled me flush against him, nipping at my collarbone in reproach. I hissed in pain, but he quickly soothed it over with his tongue. 

"Then let me show you how sorry I am." He whispered. 

He pulled me in for a heated kiss and I couldn't help but gasp. Alec took the opportunity to dip his tongue into my mouth again, and the moan that worked its way up my throat had him growling possessively. 

I could already feel my nipples tightening and the wet heat between my legs. 

I grabbed him by the collar to pull him closer. He gladly obliged and before long, he had me pressed into the bed, right underneath him, his lips giving slow languid kisses anywhere he could reach. 

"Alec." My voice was caught in my throat. 

Goddammit. He hadn't even gotten me out of my clothes before he had me begging. Hell, he had barely even touched me.  

And I was supposed to be mad at him, dammit! 

He paused, lips at the swell of my breast. Finally, he lifted himself up so he could look me in the eye, searching my face. 

"Do you trust me?" 

I nodded my head furiously. 

"I need to hear you say it, Y/N." 

"I trust you." 

I was practically panting. 

Alec produced a long strip of gauzy fabric and slowly tied my hands together, gauging my reaction, before putting them above my head. 

"Did you come prepared with that?" I gaped at him. 

"No. I took it from your bag." He smirked. 

My bag? Since when did he have the time to go through my bag? I looked at my tied wrists again, trying to wrack my brain as to why I had a long ass strip of- 

'Oh my god.' 

It was the sash to my bridesmaid's dress. I know I hadn't put it in there. The last time I had seen it- Alice. She fucking knew. She had to. She had a vision and didn't even tell me. Granted, if this was a part of her vision, I would be highly embarrassed to hear her explain exactly what she saw. 

"Now." Alec put my hands above my head again, and then trailed his own hands down my arms to my collarbone, thumbing over the mark he had placed on it earlier. "Your hands stay put above your head until I say otherwise. If they do not, I stop. No matter what I am in the middle of." He warned, pausing to make sure that I understood. "Are you okay with this? If not, we can stop." 

I shook my head back and forth frantically. 

"Y/N, I need you need to say it out loud." 

"Yes." I breathed. 

"Good. If you become uncomfortable at any point you are to tell me." 

"Yes sir." It was out of my mouth before I even realized it and I blushed furiously. 

"Are you sure you're a virgin?" He teased. 

"Why don't you find out for yourself?" I teased back, a little breathless. 

Alec's brows raised before he smirked, leaning in closer, mouth right next to my cheek. 

"I think I am going to enjoy this very much." His hands began to make their way past my collar bone to cup my breasts through the fabric of my dress, his thumbs flicking slowly back and forth over my nipples.  

My back arched in a gasp, and he let out a hum, pleased with my reaction. Soon I felt more and more skin being exposed to the cool night air, his cold lips and tongue following right behind it, licking and nipping his way until, aside from my bra, I was fully exposed from the waist up. I blushed as he sat back, admiring the view. 

"You are truly beautiful, mio cara." He breathed.  

His cold hands caressed every inch of exposed skin, purposely avoiding the spots that I wanted him to touch the most. I pouted up at him and he swiped a thumb across my lip. 

"I must admit Y/N, I like seeing you like this. And I think you like it too." 

Slowly, I gave his thumb a long lick before sucking it into mouth. His eyes darkened even further, and I could practically feel the rumble of possessiveness in his chest. 

"Careful, amore." His voice was now husky and strained. 

I released his thumb, edging my teeth along the sides and cocked an eyebrow at him. "I thought you were supposed to be apologizing." 

His eyes were now pitch black. 

"I think you forget who's in control here." 

I let out a squeak as he moved aside and ripped my dress the rest of the way down, leaving me in just my bra and panties. He settled himself between my legs, to nip and kiss his way along the inside of my thighs. 

I sucked in a sharp breath when he placed a kiss right over my covered mound, and then nuzzled into it. My hands jerked and he looked up at me, remaining still. 

"Hands, amore." He chided. 

I immediately put them back in place, wriggling my hips in anticipation. Finally, he slid my panties down, revealing my inner most self, glistening and wet just for him. 

"Perfect." 

It was the only thing I heard before his mouth was on me and my back arched off the bed yet again.  

Keeping perfect eye contact with me, he gave me long slow licks, delving into me with his tongue. And then he found my clit. I couldn't help it, I cried out, my hands immediately coming down to lace themselves through his hair. 

This wasn't an apology; this was fucking torture.  

He paused with a growl. 

"Hands, amore." 

"But- but-" 

He lifted himself up slightly, a warning look in his dark eyes. "Hands." 

"Alec." I whined, wriggling my hips again and trying push him back down. "Please." 

"You know the rules, principessa." 

"Did you just call me princess?" 

He just smirked. "You're learning. Now, hands. If I have to tell you again, I will tie you to the bed." 

'You just may have to do that.' I thought. 

He watched me for a moment more before slowly lowering himself back down, wrapping his arms around my thighs to keep my hips level. He began his slow assault on me yet again and I did my absolute best to keep my arms above my head. It was working so far... barely. 

Before long I could feel a warm heat beginning to build low in my stomach.  

"Oh god, please don't stop." I chanted. "Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop." 

I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, all I knew what that it felt good, and he absolutely had to keep going. Otherwise, I was sure I was going to die right then and there. 

And then the bastard stopped. 

"Alec." I let out a low whine. 

He crawled back up to me, placing a kiss on my lips and I groaned at the taste of my arousal on him.  

"No cumming just yet, amore." He swept his tongue along my lips. "The only cumming you will be doing is on my cock." 

I almost choked. "Have- have you always been this dirty?" 

"You have no idea." He bit my earlobe and I squirmed at his words. “And this is only just the beginning.” 

"Well, it looks like won't be doing much of anything, since you're still dressed." 

"That can easily be remedied." 

My eyes widened as he slipped off his shirt. I had always known he was muscular but there was a big difference between feeling it and seeing it. Next came his pants and underwear, and I’m pretty sure my brain stopped working. 

How was that going to fit?? 

"Like what you see?” 

I simply nodded my head, my mind still trying to process the situation I was in... and the fact that his cock was rather... large. 

He leaned over and began untying my hands. I raised a brow at him. 

"I want you clinging to me when you cum." 

Oh fuck. 

My hands immediately went to explore his naked chest when he caught my hand and kissed my fingertips. 

"Are you still okay?"  

"Alec, I swear to God if you don't fuck me-" 

He cut me off, crushing his lips to mine and I suddenly felt him nudging at my entrance. He sat back briefly, rubbing himself in my juices, preparing. 

"Eyes on me, amore." 

I swiftly looked back up at him. I don't think I could have taken my eyes off him in that moment. 

Finally, finally, I felt him enter me ever so slowly. I let out a hiss of pain, my hands clutching desperately at the sheets, and he stopped, letting me adjust for a minute, all the while never breaking eye contact. This, this was something else. I had never felt so full.  

"Fuck, you're tight." 

I let out a whimper. 

"It's okay, mio cara." He kissed away the tears from my face, I hadn't even realized that I was crying. "I'm going to move now." 

And boy did he move. It took a few thrusts before the pain subsided and then I felt as if I was flying. He kept his thrusts steady and deep, his hands roaming my sides before cupping my breasts and placing gently kisses along the edges. And then proceeded to close his mouth on one of my nipples through the lace.  

"Alec." 

He didn't reply, deciding to suck harder and scrape against the sensitive buds with his teeth instead. If he kept this up, I wasn't going to last long, and I think he knew it. He sat up again, but this time he angled my hips up and I was suddenly seeing stars. He was hitting my sweet spot now and I couldn't contain my moans any longer. I could feel it building, and building, and building.  

"Don't you dare stop." I panted. 

"Eyes on me, darling." He ordered, grabbing my face, and making me look him in the eyes. "I want to see the look in your eyes when I make you come on my cock." 

Oh, God. He was speaking to me in Italian, and I didn't have the slightest clue as to what he was saying, but it was hot. 

"Alec, please. Make me cum. I want to come." 

"Fuck, so tight for me." He thrust harder and I could feel the walls of my pussy starting to tighten up. "I want to see you come undone around me." 

"A-Alec!" 

He forced me to look up at him again as I came hard, legs wrapping around his waist as he nearly collapsed on top of me. If I was seeing stars before, now I was suddenly seeing a whole fucking galaxy. 

"Fuck." He kissed me deeply as I felt him spasming inside me, cool liquid coating the walls of my pussy. 

He hovered like that for a long moment, his kisses turning into soft, languid ones, his hands roaming in even softer caresses. Finally, he pulled out of me, and let his eyes wonder over me. I'm sure I looked a mess, but he seemed to like what he saw, judging by the smirk on his face. 

"Come, amore. Let's get you cleaned up." 

"I don't think I can walk." I closed my eyes, doing my best to breathe and not die from great sex. 

"I can definitely help you there." 

I nearly yelped as he lifted me from the bed bridal style. 

"Is this your way of saying you want shower sex?" I wriggled my eyebrows at him. 

"I had not really thought of it, but if you insist." 

I laughed and snuggled into his chest. 

He paused a moment, really looking me over now. "I am truly sorry, Y/N. For everything." 

I placed a hand on his cheek. "Apology accepted." 

NEXT - (Outtake)

{Masterlist}

Translation (Done via Google): Tesoro: Darling/Treasure  Mio Cara: My darling.  Principessa: Princess 

Wanna be notified when I post a new story? Ask to join my taglist!

[rafesbabyg1rl]

Hiii pretties! Welcome to my blog!! Please keep things positive and stay slutty my friends!!!

~If you have any requests, please feel free to leave it in my inbox!!!~

Masterlist: The Watcher (Part One, Part Two, Part Three...)

you can read the rest if you wanna like know more about me n shit ig

Hello!! I'm Kay, or K, kat, whatever you wanna call me. I'm literally just a girl. I am a freakkkk. I do be a bit of a stoner y'all, and I usually am high when I write, so if I make a mistake, I'm blaming that. I'm from the United States (unfortunately) and I only speak English. This is a safe place; I am always here if anyone wants to talk. I do not discriminate; I do not spread hate. I do not and will not tolerate hate or unkind behavior towards me or others here on my blog. Like seriously guys I have bad anxiety, so please be nice and don't make it harder for me.

This is pretty much solely for Outer Banks, Rafe Cameron to be more specific. But, feel free to talk to me about other things!

Other things I'm interested in/passionate about: Taylor Swift, veterinary medicine, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, The Walking Dead, 13 Reasons Why, Supernatural, Jurassic Park/World, Harry Potter, The Maze Runner, The Hunger Games, comedy movies (Seth Rogen & James Franco). I love cold weather, books, and cats. Music is life and I listen to a little bit of everything so feel free to send songs.

I AM a student, so just keep in mind that I may be inactive because I’m in CLASS or doing work; because I will prioritize that over tumblr (well, i try). Other times I’m inactive because I am sleeping, or because I’m busy with LIFE. I am not tied to my tumblr and blog. I’ve had only positive experiences here so far, but I know that fanfic writers are often mistreated by readers, but guys we are all just people.

If you want me to hurry up and publish new work, don't tell me that, just interact with my blog and compliment my writing and that will motivate me more than anything else ever could. Also ASK AND REQUEST PLEASEEE!! I really enjoy and appreciate new ideas and feedback from other people's brains. I also appreciate constructive criticism. Don't be mean about it, but if you dislike or disagree with something, tell me politely. I like hearing feedback and am always working on improving my writing.

Seriously y'all, please please PLEASE do NOT be hateful. Do that on your own time, not here. I will not tolerate unnecessary attitude and hate. I believe in forgiveness, and I know that mistakes and misunderstandings happen. I will treat anyone and everyone with kindness and respect unless I have reason not to (really hoping I don't).

Who do I write for? I only write for Rafe Cameron. However, I'm not opposed to writing a little or sharing thoughts about other Outer Banks Characters!

What do I write? I will write literally almost anything. There’s no such thing as too much for me, so request away please. ------ As for darker topics, I will write them. Actually, a large portion of my work will include darker topics/themes/kinks, etc. I will write sensitive subjects too. But just because I live for that shit, doesn't mean everyone else does so I'll do my best to include warnings on all my work for any content that might potentially be triggering for others.

(Small warning: mentions of my mental struggles and self-destructive habits) I've always struggled mentally. I've always felt as though the way my brain works is different from everyone else; like something is wrong with me. But after many many years, I now have a better understanding of myself and how my brain works. Not to dump this on y'all, I swear I have a point, but I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. These things are all a big challenge I face in my day-to-day life and are often the leading cause of why I may take longer to write and publish things. I may take breaks, so don't worry if I'm not active, I will be back at some point. And I'll try my best to update you guys on when I'm gonna be less active or vice versa. Another way my mental health effects my writing is because when I write, a lot of the time my personal experiences or feelings will end up incorporated within my work, since well, it's all coming from my brain. I mostly write for myself to express my thoughts and feelings, having others read and actually enjoy my work is just an added bonus. But personally, I have struggled with self-harm for about one third of my life. I often get ideas for new works revolving around this theme and may publish things about it eventually. Themes such as mental illnesses, self-harm, abuse, insecurities, EDs, suicidal thoughts, unhealthy relationships (obv), toxic household, etc. will have a reoccurring appearance throughout my works. So just be prepared, I guess.

And like I said before, if anyone needs to talk, I am ALWAYS here and I am a very good listener.

Everyone is more than welcome to message me or leave anything in my inbox. Whether it's to chat, request something, ask something, literally whatever is welcome!! (Except hate I don't fw that)

Thank you for visiting my blog, I hope you enjoy! As always, be kind and stay slutty!

[deandoesthingstome]

Okay, @itbmojojoejo. Mojo, after an evening of reflection, which included some very strange (and dare I say, cursed) dreams, I have the following commentary / Top 5 characters for you.

Under cut to save anyone who isn't following me for off-topic rants.

First, while I have watched, or at least been in the room with, a lot of anime over the years, it's never been an obsession and I don't really think it ever will be.

Don't get me wrong. The imagery is usually very visually stimulating and unique. So pretty/wierd/wtf to look at. And the storylines can be just as deep/intense/thoughtful/emotional as live action, but I think that's the difference for me. I can't quite get past the "pen & paper" of it.

So I'm never gonna ship myself with an anime character. And nothing at all against character shipping, but my brain isn't going there automatically and I'm probably not investing energy.

BUT, I do need something to keep me watching the pretty (or slimey/gloopy/messy) pictures, so let's dive in.

1. Toge. Salmon. (I was going to leave it at that, but...) Look. I'm an adult. Many of these stories are about children. And children can be screechy, annoying things at times. So this guy who only speaks in rice ball ingredients unless he's exercising curses is like a dream come true! Bonito flakes. (Plus, you were 1000% right about seeing more of him in JJK 0 and I really am fond of him, okay? Please tell me I'm still safe from heartbreak. No, don't say anything. I'll find out this weekend when I resume S2.)

2. Gojo. Obviously. He's the best and strongest. He's a sarcastic asshole giving his all to teach his students how to handle their shit and still has to put himself in harm's way and do some pretty unsavory things (killing cursed humans - waaahhhh) over and over. His hair is crazy. He walks around blindfolded. (I still haven't figured out why. Did I miss some dialog about it somewhere along the way?) And he's lost is best friend in possibly the worst way imaginable.

3. Yuji. First impressions. This was the initial storyline for S1 and I love his pink hair and absolutely insane decision to just fucking eat the finger to save his friend! I'm nervous for him because of Sukuna, but the tattoos (I think of the little Sukuna-faces on his face as tattoos, plus all Sukuna's tattoos) are neat.

4. Yuta. (Who I want to call Yutu because the fucking subtitles kept sticking U2 in for his name. And no, not everytime. He also had a million variations like Maki.) Who knew switching to JJK 0 would bring out this underdog? Heard about him in S1, but never met him, really until now. I was about to be torn because what a little shit, to curse his own friend like that. Who dooms themself to be linked forever to another person at like, age 5, even without a curse?? But it sounds like he didn't understand his own power/heritage and so, forgive. And also Rika is bad-ass.

5. Maki. I hated her in S1. What a bitch. But here we go again with backstory and I now admire her tenacity.

Bonus 1: Geto. Fine. Fine! I can admit this character deserves love. I guess. He's Gojo's best friend and a bad-ass technically, but also, what choice, man. What a choice. And, yes, the backstory helped clear up what is now happening in S2 (and S1 really, right?)

Bonus 2: Megumi. I'm sad for him. His father seemed like a total ass. And I love the parallel friendship with Yuji/ Gojo&Geto. Though does that mean...? No, don't say anything.

Sorry, I've lost a little steam on these, and honestly, the more I type, the more I am convincing myself there are other characters to love. Picking 5 (7) was hard. They all have their strong points and weaknesses (Mechamaru you total jerk! But also, the will to survive is so strong!) but I will not get sucked in...

Happy Friday!!!!

[sflow-er]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much for the tag, @silvagrey!💜

How many works do you have on Ao3?

Eight.

What's your total Ao3 word count?

355,461 (that's a bit deceptive; one of my fics is 239k).

What fandoms do you write for?

Young Royals. I did write for other fandoms all through my teens, but those fics haven't been online for a long time now.

Top five fics by kudos:

Other people's secrets (1,215) Matters of adjustment (190) The real deal (180) Like you better (152) Last chance (126)

Do you respond to comments?

I respond to every comment on new fics and WIPs. Having discussions in the comments section is the best thing about sharing a story, and I love my little community of regular commenters!

However, I am currently learning not to beat myself up for not getting round to answering every backlogged comment on OPS. I still try my best, but I had to change my previous "always respond" policy when @willedeservesbetter left very long thought-provoking comments on the first 20+ chapters and I simply couldn't keep up... 😅 I'm trying to trust that people know life gets in the way sometimes.

That being said, I do reply to all comments where the reader has shared their personal thoughts on the ace rep! It may take me a while to get to them, but they never fall off my to-do list.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Årnäs, February 2016. I don't necessarily think the ending is "angsty", but it's a very bleak fic with no happy ending.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's impossible to choose between all my Walty fics. Does the emotional payoff from all the angst make OPS the happiest ending? Or is it one of the fics that are sweet from start to finish?

Whichever one it is, I would like to think none of them are too sugary sweet. They are very happy on the romance front because I want them to be a comforting read, but there is usually at least something left for the characters to figure out on their own after the story with the insight/support/lessons they have gained.

Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no. There is one rudely worded public bookmark on OPS, but it doesn't qualify as hate. Also, I once got a comment calling a plot point "ridiculous :D", but the person didn't mean any harm.

Do you write smut?

I did write a couple of scenes in my teens for one fic, just emulating what I had read. The feedback was good.

I think I've mentioned this on here before, but I actually tried to write some as an exercise last year! From a "technical" standpoint, it turned out okay, but from an emotional standpoint, it just made me cringe and roll my eyes a lot. I don't know if it's a grey thing or a me thing, but I just can't buy into it at all. And I'm not interested in writing allo PWP, so unless I decide to write an explicit ace sex scene one day, the answer is no. I don't write smut.

Craziest crossover:

I'm not really a crossover person.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Well, I did enlist my "live-in expert" as a consultant on ÅFeb16 (to help me get child August's POV right and sign off on Carl Johan's characterisation and all the bad stuff bubbling under). I really enjoyed the collaboration - but I don't think actually co-writing a text with anyone would be a good fit for my process. I wouldn't even want a regular beta reader because it would only stress me out.

All-time favourite ship?

To write? I don't have an all-time favourite, but since I started up again, I would obviously have to say ace Henry/allo Walter.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've got two WIPs at the moment. One is an unfinished and unpublished S3-compliant Walty fic, and the other is The real deal. At present, I'm feeling a resurgence of motivation for TRD, so the other fic is shelved for now. I do plan to finish it, though!

What are your writing strengths?

My planning and research game is pretty strong, as are my grammar and language skills. I guess the overall quality of my writing is decent when I'm not too stressed or low on creative energy. Many readers seem to find my writing fairly engaging, and they have said nice things about the dialogue, my characterisations, and the relationships between the characters.

Oh, and I think I'm pretty good at writing kissing scenes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Perfectionism, self-criticism, "compulsive editing syndrome." When I'm unhappy with a passage, I tend to get stuck in a rewriting loop until I either get it right or spiral into writer's block and severe self-doubt. I also have a tendency to get swept away to the point where I neglect my wellbeing and burn myself out, which affects both my update schedule and the quality of my writing.

If you want more tangible weaknesses, I'm too wordy, my teenagers are unrealistically mature, and I occasionally overuse exposition.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

This is only my personal opinion and others are welcome to disagree! I'm not judging or criticising anyone in any fandom for using dialogue in another language in their own stories!

As a translator, my day job is all about conveying the same message in another language, and I can't just turn that logic off for writing. If the characters all speak one language throughout the text, it doesn't make sense to me personally to render some bits of dialogue in that language and others in English (unless those bits are truly untranslatable).

Not to mention that languages work differently, from word choice and grammar rules to the underlying communicative conventions and even thought patterns. Many people feel that using some sentences in the language that is actually being spoken adds authenticity, and that's a valid opinion! But to me personally, it's the other way around. I feel that the dialogue can only be consistently fluent in one language at a time, and if I'm writing the story in English, my dialogue will be an English rendering of what the characters would be saying in their own language. Similar to a translated book, only without a source text.

Now, if someone in the story is actually speaking another language, that's another matter! Dialogue in that language could be used very effectively in different situations, as in @silvagrey's example of Linda switching to Spanish to talk to Simon and Sara.

Again, this is just my personal opinion that I apply to my own writing! It is not the only valid opinion!

First fandom you wrote in?

If writing in my English notebook in lower secondary school counts, it was Final Fantasy X. The first fic I ever posted online was in an obscure anime/manga fandom in high school (and yes, I did use Japanese greetings and such back then).

Favourite fic you've written?

Other people's secrets. It's one of the best stories I've written, the one and only reason I'm still writing now, and one of the most meaningful things I've done for myself and my own ace identity (and apparently for some others too, which absolutely blows my mind). Furthermore, it was my first fic in over a decade and the biggest creative project I'd ever undertaken, so even just finishing it in a way I could be proud of was a huge accomplishment.

.

Thanks again for the tag, I had a great time answering these! 💜

No pressure tags: I honestly don't think I know any writers whom I haven't seen tagged yet (not ones who usually blog about their writing anyway)! So I'm just going to say if anyone reads this far and wants to play along, please tag me in your post. Or if you want to be tagged first, just let me know!

[natsmagi]

tbh you should just sexualize your fem Tsumugi more. I'm talking full on fetish hentai style. Put her in the open boob sweater. Have her accidentally flash while leaning fowards. Have her slip and show pantsu. Full kink with no breaks. Please shut these anons up. People trying to police your creativity like it has some sort of reflection on your morals or beliefs. I also wish you would stop answering them? or at least tagging it as anon hate because it's so sad to keep seeing people be so mean to you over and over when most of us just want to enjoy your big brain takes and drawings. Maybe I'm getting parasocial bc I get so sad seeing people hate on your Tsumugi I love her she's just like me fr!!! All that matters is that you enjoy how you draw her and I hope you don't feel pressured to change your headcanons.

HWEISUHRUHKDHG I SHOULDDDDDDDDD I SHOULD UR RIGHT ive been too prudish as of late. need to be insane again. Tbh ive made some art that was made purely bc i am a freak and insane but i feel like its never the art people would expect it to be. And thats really funny to me. like my more explicit stuff is just drawn for fun But if uve ever looked at a drawing of mine and gone "this seems kind of freakish conceptually even though the execution isnt super weird" Well thats probably bc it actually is freakish. sorry. My suggestive art is usually just for the vibes tho i DID also like. yesterday?? discover a twt acc that will sometimes post various lingerie fits SO!! MAYBE ILL DRAW SOME SOON 💪💪

AND AUGHHH I KNOWWWW in the beginning i thought itd be worth replying to people bc i was like "well this is all kind of niche. im sure they have good intentions so we might aswell talk it out" But as things progress its been made clear thats doing me or anyone else no favors. i love having discussions, so i reply to most of my asks! but i do hope that ive made myself clear enough and that we can all just continue doing our own things im sorry to hear its made you sad though!!!!! rest assured its not something that demotivates me, nor is it something that makes me feel i need to change how i draw. i do what i do because i enjoy it! and i know others enjoy it too! i will never be able to appeal to everyone, and that has never been my goal. i like having fun with others though, which is why i enjoy hearing why others might think differently than me!

but yes! i already feel ive said my piece on the whole discourse thing by now and i hate walking in circles, so even if i get negative asks about it i likely wont answer unless i feel its warranted. but! if that does happen, ill be sure to tag it! you can mute "#discourse tag" ahead of time incase i ever end up using it

[ldrfanatic]

Writing Prompts (from my top favorite taylor swift albums)

how to read/request: the letter at the beginning of each prompt represents the album key below. The number attached is to distinguish the lyrics.

key: t - tortured poets; r - reputation; f - folklore; l - lover;

you can request as many prompts as you’d like!

example request:

t16 & f12 for theodore nott

tortured poets

t1 - "I'm having his baby" no I'm not but you should see your faces

t2 - the coward claimed he was a lion

t3 - "I'll never leave" Nevermind

t4 - You know how to ball I know Aristotle

t5 - Who's gonna know you like me?

t6 - Everything comes out teenage petulance

t7 - If I can't have us, I might just not get up

t8 - two graves, one gun

t9 - I'm just getting color back into my face

t10 - If you wanted me dead, you should've just said

t11 - Is it a wonder I broke, let's hear one more joke

t12 - I was tame, I was gentle

t13 - I'm always drunk on my own tears

t14 - I'm fearsome, and I'm wretched, and I'm wrong

t15 - what we thought was for all time, was momentary

t16 - Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

t17 - Who are we to fight the alchemy?

t18 - Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

t19 - This town is fake but you're the real thing

t20 - They said "Babe you gotta fake it till you make it" And I did

t21 - He said he'd love me for all time

-

reputation

r1 - In my dreams, you should see the things we do

r2 - You and me would be a big conversation

r3 - I'm one call away whenever you need me

r4 - I don't wanna be just another ex love

r5 - You've been calling the bluff on all my usual tricks

r6 - They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good?

r7 - don't blame me, love made me crazy

r8 - my drug is my baby, I'll be using for the rest of my life

r9 - For you I would fall from grace, just to touch your face

r10 - If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay

r11 - I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose

r12 - You know I'm not a bad girl but I do bad things with you

r13 - I'm so chill, but you make me jealous

r14 - You ruined my life by not being mine

r15 - Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cat. Alone. Unless you wanna come along?

r16 - You had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

r17 - I'm a mess but I'm the mess that you wanted

r18 - My hands are shaking from holding back from you

r19 - I don't want you like a best friend

r20 - Only bought this dress so you could take it off

r21 - I want to wear his initial on a chain 'round my neck. Not because he owns me, but cause he really knows me.

r22 - You don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?

-

folklore

f1 - If you wanted me you really should've showed

f2 - If my wishes came true, it would've been you

f3 - If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

f4 - I knew you leaving like a father running like water

f5 - You drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleeding

f6 - I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

f7 - I knew to love would be to lose my mind

f8 - I knew you you'd come back to me

f9 - I had a marvelous time ruining everything

f10 - I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day

f11 - You can aim for my heart go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones

f12 - I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me

f13 - Love you to the moon and to Saturn

f14 - Then you won't have to cry. Or hide in the closet.

f15 - Passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long

f16 - I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

f17 - I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying

f18 - It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

f19 - You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

f20 - You know damn well for you I would ruin myself

f21 - Don't want no other shade of blue but you

-

lover

L1 - I forgot that you existed, and I thought that it would kill me but it didn't

L2 - It isn't love, it isn't hate it's just indifference

L3 - What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

L4 - I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

L5 - I love you, aint that the worst thing you ever heard?

L6 - He looks up grinning like a devil

L7 - This is our place, we make the rules

L8 - Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

L9 - Can I go where you go?

L10 - I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

L11 - I've got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

L12 - Help me hold onto you

L13 - Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay?

L14 - They see right through me. I see right through me. Can you see right through me?

L15 - All the king's men, couldn't put me together again

L16 - All of my enemies started out friends

L17 - His hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it's mine

L18 - Wanna see what's under that attitude

L19 - I want you, bless my soul

L20 - You know I adore you

L21 - It's you and me, that's my whole world

L22 - Voted most likely to run away with you

L23 - I think you should come home

L24 - I'll never let you go cause I know this a fight that someday we're gonna win

L25 - Kiss you twice cause it's gonna be alright

L26 - I'd marry you with paper rings

L27 - That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC questionnaire

Thanks @the-golden-comet here and here, @imsoveryveryconfusedatlife here, @happypup-kitcat24 here, @mrbexwrites here, @museandquill here,

@the-golden-comet here, and @drchenquill here!

Rules: answer the questions in the POV of an OC, then provide three more questions!

I thought I'd catch up finally with this game, but alas.

Previous Questionnaires:

Rounds One and Two

Round Three: Maddie, Ash, Noelle, Ewan, Jazlyn, Lexi, Alex, Carmen

See below for: Gwen, Gabriel, Liam, Xitlali, Akash, Jedi, Rose, Sam

#1- Gwen

Do you celebrate birthdays?

“Of course I do! I sometimes have a party, though it's usually small. We have a tradition that over the weekend of my birthday, whenever it is, we visit where we buried my twin sister, who was stillborn. As a way to honor her.”

Where do you go when you need to unwind?

“My room has this corner that feels hidden. It's where I put a bunch of beanbags and pillows and curl up in there to read.”

Have you ever meditated?

“Yes, I have! It's a good way to unwind sometimes, but I prefer reading to do that. Clearing my mind is really hard.”

✨ Gwen intro ✨

#2- Gabriel

What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

“My enemy? I don't have enemies. The closest I have is Parker, and I'm not giving him any title that fancy. He's just a nuisance. If he asked for help, I wouldn't ignore him, you know? Unless it's a situation he could just get out of if he applied himself just a little more.”

Would you ask your enemy for help?

“Ugh, if I must use Parker again, then: no. He's unreliable. I'd never ask for his help.”

Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

“Finally, a question about me. I think before I act, and pretty efficiently, I may add. I am very proficient at identifying a problem and then offering a solution to it. I've been told that I act too quickly, but that's a load of bullshit. I don't act on impulse, but I also don't take too long analyzing every single possible option. Like Liam, for example. *Sigh* Whatever, are we done?”

Other Gabriel: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#3- Liam

What’s, in your opinion, the worst way to die?

“Oh, my opinion, you say? Haha, okay. The worst way to die is doing something you love. Okay? I keep hearing some shit like that, it's very annoying. ‘Oh, the guy who loved mountain climbing died mountain climbing! At least he died doing something he loved!’ No! If I'm doing something I love, I want to see the end of it! I want to keep living so I can DO IT. I would hate to die in the middle of a debate. I'd lose the argument by default! Either that or they have sympathy for me and decide to declare me the winner posthumously, but what kinda bullshit win is that? I didn't earn it? What if I died in the middle of shooting a movie? Then some other director takes my place and makes it awful! No, I want to see my movie in theaters. I want to see it go to Blu-ray. You want me to die doing something I love? Screw that mentality! I'm not gonna die until I'm old enough to not be able to do the things I love!”

How fond would you say the local authorities are of you?

“Well, I got my dad out of a ticket by arguing with a police officer. Despite my win, I don't think he liked me. I was...fourteen? So I feel like they have this begrudging respect for me.”

Are you capable of murder?

“I believe so. At least manslaughter. And I'd get away with it, too. I took a forensics class in high school, so I learned which crimes got solved and which ones didn't. Gotta make sure the police tamper the hell out of the scene, though. Make it impossible to find evidence. Also, I could be misgendered as a woman either through visuals or DNA. Usually that'd be very annoying, but to get away with a crime? Honestly, it's a benefit in this case. I will admit that. Now, because I've never murdered anyone, I have no idea what would push me to that point in the first place. There is absolutely no precedent. However, knowing myself, it would take a while to truly piss me off. But I'm not gonna say I'd never do it. I believe everyone is capable of murder if you get them to a certain point in their life. It just varies on what the degree is. I do hope I never get to my point, but it would be stupid of me to claim some moral high ground on something I don't actually know for a 100-percent fact.”

Other Liam: OC in three, outfit, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, interview

#4- Xitlali

Imagine this: An entity appears in front of you to grant you one wish, what would you wish for?

“One wish? Okay, fine. That's not too hard. I wish prejudice would go away! I am tired of working twice as hard to get half as far as everyone else simply because I don't have powers!”

If you had the power to change one law of your world, what would it be?

“There are so many laws against Inutilia, it's literally impossible to pick one. I suppose I'd change the law about powers being on our applications. It's crap that I'm passed over for any team I try out for unless I prove I am the best.”

In your opinion, what is more important: sympathy or empathy?

“Unironically, sympathy. Yeah, yeah, empathy means that you feel what the other is feeling, but some people who genuinely struggle with empathy are the most sympathetic people I know. I don't need anyone to know my pain, I just need them to see that I'm in pain. Me and everyone else like me. I don't need anyone taking pity on me, but maybe if one higher-up just felt a little bad, then I'd have more rights.”

More Xitlali: questionnaire one, questionnaire two, bingo

#5- Akash

Do you have a stuffed toy/plushie/toy that you have fond memories of? Do you have it, and if so/not, then why?

“Huh. I guess I do. Robbie and I, when we were in...I think fourth grade, went on a day trip to Houston with our families. Ha, I wonder if we actually were in the same general area as our friends now! That'd be sick. Anyway, we went to the Science Museum, and honestly it was dope. Thankfully our moms loved taking pictures of us so we have a lot of memories, but the toy part comes in during the gift shop. I got this green brachiosaurus and Robbie got this orange triceratops and Sammy somehow ended up with a pink sparkly T-Rex. I still have the brachiosaurus. I named him Steven.”

Do you have a nervous habit/quirk, and what is it?

*runs hand through hair, laughing awkwardly* “Well it's-- Oh no, shit, I just did it.”

What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?

“Neapolitan. It's three flavors in one?! How is this not everyone's favorite, I don't get it.”

Other Akash: OC in three, OC in fifteen, interview, Picrew, two truths and a lie, kiss, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, outfit, fun facts

#6- Jedi

How do you celebrate your birthday?

“I do not do much for my birthday. But Carmen always gets me something.”

Do you have siblings and if so who are you closest with?

“I have one sibling, Kirstie, who I suppose is who I am closest to by default. We talk as often as we can.”

What job would you hate the most?

“I suppose a job where I feel like I'm not making an impact. [Suspicious pause] Or maybe it's just if I couldn't do any science!”

Other Jedi: OC in three, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, smash or pass acearo version, art, fun facts, Picrew

#7- Rose

What is your happiest memory?

“That is a pretty hard question. I guess the first time I hung out with Lexi one on one. Usually she wants larger groups to hang out in, but she invited me to the art museum downtown once. Her mom went with us, obviously, but we were free to roam the actual museum. It was incredible.”

What do you wish to achieve?

“One day, I hope to become a fashion designer. I'd love my own studio. Mainly I just want to hold my designs.”

How far will you go to reach your goals?

“I'm not sure. I don't think I'm that ambitious. If it doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll cope and just find something else.”

✨ Rose intro✨

#8- Sam

Are you petty?

“Hold on, let me think about it. [Several seconds of silence] Oh, no, I think I am! I compete with Kaitlyn over stupid things all the time and I'm annoying to her on purpose when she's annoying to me!” *throws her face into her hands* “Ugh!”

Do you forgive easily?

*face still buried* “Obviously not.” *raises head* “Actually, I think I do. I move on pretty quick. If Kaitlyn apologized, it'd be pretty hard to forgive, but I might eventually, y'know? What if she changes? The first few times it happened, I did forgive her when she apologized. But I also wasn't afraid to storm off when it happened. Am I easy to forgive? Ugh, it feels like I'm running in circles! Please ask me another question!”

Would you describe yourself as very emotional?

“I'm almost crying now, what does that tell you?” *wipes her face and shakes it off* “It's okay! I'm totally fine actually! Nice meeting you, byyyyye!”

Other Sam: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

Tagging @urnumber1star @somethingclevermahogony @buffythevampirelover @nailamoonsi @finickyfelix

+ ANYONE ELSE

Your questions: 1) Is there a part of your personality you wish to change? 2) What is something you know that many people don't? 3) What does love mean to you?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Interview Tag

Thank you so much for the tag, @kaylinalexanderbooks!!!! (here)

I'll go with Nimwen from Of Starlight and Beasts because I don't think I've done one of these for her yet!

Are you named after anyone?

"I was named after my paternal grandmother. My parents' marriage was severely looked down upon by my mother's side of the family, because Dad wasn't of noble birth. They decided to choose the name because it was a nice keeping my grandma's memory alive but also a little bit as a way to stick it to my maternal grandparents. Her relatives never really got over their union, and didn't rest until they got the King himself - who was apparently a family friend - to annul my parents' marriage. Her family then arranged for Mom to marry some random noble from a 'proper House' - despite her protests - and cast my father and I out of their social circle."

When was the last time you cried?

"Hmm. That's uh... quite the question, isn't it? Very personal all of the sudden, y'know (her hands squirm and she laughs awkwardly). Let's just say... I have nightmares, and some of them are more... severe than others and sometimes end up crying because of it. I had one recently. I won't go into detail about the dreams though - that's not for you to know. Only Scarlet knows, and even he doesn't know the extra gory details."

Do you have kids?

"Certainly not! I'm barely a grownup and I don't think I should be left in charge of anyone other than myself - Scarlet is always going on like (she mimics her adoptive brother's voice and tone) 'why don't you take care of yourself?' or 'didn't you think this through before doing it? Again, Nim?', so maybe I perhaps might not be the most responsible person to grace this earth. I know, shocking. (giggles). But in all seriousness, I have far too much going on in my life to even think about something like that in the coming years - unless you count my friend Syp as a kid, because he's the youngest of our bunch and is always following me like a little shadow."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"No, not really. I'm usually too nervous about hurting someone's feelings or being misunderstood in what I'm trying to say or causing a mess, to the point that I somehow end up just fumbling over my words and making a fool out of myself. Scarlet is the king of sarcasm though, he always knows what to say or how to come up with a sarcastic quip at the right timing. I'm not that lucky (laughs awkwardly). He says I'm fine the way I am and that I don't need to change to be like others, but I do wish I was more eloquent like him."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"If they're dangerous or could be a potential threat. I've learned the hard way not to trust too many strangers and still struggle with a lot of... ghosts from my past, per se, looking to strike me down so I've got to be on the lookout for anyone that looks like they could work for the King or the Royal Guard. I also notice their stance and if I can use the terrain around us to my advantage to escape if need be."

What’s your eye colour?

"Dark blue, like my Mom's! I've got Dad's long strawberry blond hair to remember him by though, so that's nice. It's like I've got a little bit of both of them with me at all times - which is comforting, and sad, and a little bit weird. But nice."

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings, happy endings all the way! I hate scary stories - there's enough terror, and gore and violence and hatred in our world, why should we be subjected to those things in the very fiction that is meant to let us escape it? I hate when the other kids in our bunch start telling horror stories when we're gathered around the campfire - it usually leaves me up all night thinking about it! I know this is probably very silly of me. But I still don't like scary stories one bit and I will keep not liking them until the end of time itself because I don't like being scared."

Any special talents?

"I'm very good at hiding - when you're the daughter of someone who was executed for treason he didn't commit, you learn to hide like your life depends on it, because it really does. Scarlet has also taught me how to shoot the bow and arrow, and I'm... average at it. If I really, really focus I can hit close to the target of my choice, or even hit the target itself if I'm lucky, but if I have to do so whilst moving that arrow is missing the target by a mile. I also know how to sew and embroider, as well as play the harp, which are things my father taught me when I was a child and I haven't really done in a while, so I wouldn't know whether or not I'm still any good at it."

Where were you born?

"I was born in the city of Sylla - which used to belong to another kingdom but was annexed by Tirawen around forty years ago. My Mom comes from a long line of Tirawenian nobles, who moved to Sylla when she was a child because they were given land - a lot of land - in the conquered terrioty by the royal family. My Dad came from a local family of much humbler standing, and he'd risen in the ranks of society by pursuing a career as dyplomat. It didn't end well, as you probably already realized."

Do you have any pets?

"Scarlet has a pet hawk called Arrow! I consider it my pet as well. My brother has trained Arrow to carry messages for us and to hunt. Sometimes he also sends it to scout terrain ahead to check if it's safe for us to pass. Arrow is the most adorable, cutest little bird of prey you'll ever hope to meet! He loves snacks and always chirps happily when you pet his feathers!"

What sort of sports do you play?

"Oh, many! The other kids in our little group of 'outlaws' are always coming up with new things to spend our time doing, so I'm never bored! If anything I'm the opposite. I'm also very good at running, climbing and jumping! And as I mentioned I have a passable knowledge of archery."

How tall are you?

"I would say average height, I never really put much thought into measuring my height, but I seem to be somewhere in the middle between tall and short. Scarlet is very, very tall, so I don't think he counts as a comparison, but my height is similar to that of most of our friends."

What was your favourite subject in school?

"... I uh, didn't really get to attend any of the schools and academies of the kingdom. With the whole 'my dad getting beheaded for treason' ordeal happened when I was really young so I didn't really get a chance. But I think I would've liked to attend the royal academies - I used to love books!!! I still do, but there aren't many opportunities to read when you're living in the forests as an outlaw."

What is your dream job?

"Okay, now, don't laugh, but when I was a little kid I used to dream of growing up to be a pirate - I loved reading tales about pirate adventures and the sort, and couldn't wait to see the ocean one day. I even got a cute little pirate costume for my sixth birthday! But I do realize now real life pirates probably aren't really that nice though. Nowadays I would say my dream job is to become something like a physician or an apothecary - I would love to help more people, especially those who don't have the means to afford healing, because the kingdom all too often tends to forget they exist."

Tagging (gently, no pressure):@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @inky-duchess @late-to-the-fandom @eccaiia, @willtheweaver @littleladymab @cabbojage @lassiesandiego @little-peril-stories @oh-no-another-idea @thepeculiarbird @rickie-the-storyteller @crowandmoonwriting @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gummybugg @forthesanityofstorytellers @doublegoblin @aalinaaaaaa @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @elshells @clairelsonao3 @anyablackwood @tabswrites and OPEN TAG

[sometimesiammybpd]

tw // mentions of suicide, self harm

when someone asks me how i'm doing, i default to "i'm okay." it's the safe answer. any less than okay and they get worried and any more than okay and they think i'm doing better than i am. because that question has gotten harder and harder and harder to answer as the years go on and it's because all i feel is rage and anger. or emptiness, but usually either one or the other or a mix of both. even when i have an off day or i wake up not feeling . . . the worst . . . i still don't really feel happy or okay. i just feel. i don't know.

i want to be okay. i want to be normal. i don't want to keep spending my days wondering why i can't be like everyone else. it's so tiring to feel like i'm forever emotionally stunted as a teenager because every little thing sets me off and makes me split. it makes me feel like i'll never have control over myself. and it makes the cycle so draining because i swear i am trying so hard to understand my issues and problems. i am trying so hard to work on them and become better even if i'm already decent, but it hurts when all i see is the definition of insanity. doing the same thing over and over and somehow expecting a different result. i don't enjoy snapping at people or feeling so much fucking hate all the time, but no matter what i do it doesn't feel like it'll ever go away. it's gotten me to a point where not only can i not trust anyone, i just don't even trust myself. i don't trust myself to be around my friends or be around my family and NOT because i'm abusive or anything but because i don't know when something will make me split and i don't want them to start seeing me as abusive. and i do admit, i don't know what form of BPD i have or if this is just anger issues or what but when i get set off into an episode and i'm starting to split badly, i just. i feel like i age regress to like three years old. because i start throwing things and yelling and screaming and my body starts to get hot because i'm getting so overwhelmed. and then if i get pushed enough, i either shut down, cry, or both. usually the first one. and when it happens at work, it makes it even worse. i literally had an episode that got me so fucked up that i kicked the hell out of the trash can in the office for 5-6 minutes, spewing trash everywhere, and then broke down crying because that's how overwhelming everything felt in the moment. i fucking hate it so much.

and i've tried to put it into words what an average day for me feels like now. besides my hypersexuality taking over half the time, i just feel rage and hatred unless i'm euphoric. i also feel like i've already contradicted myself a lot and honestly, how this reads is how it feels. it makes no fucking sense to me and it's. just.

yeah.

i don't know. i really don't know. the other thing that really makes living day-to-day so hard is that . . . well. all i ever think is that i'm faking everything. that i've somehow managed to convince myself and everyone around me for years that i have all these things wrong with me that i really don't. and i can only really explain parts of it. like, i don't feel the way other seem to feel with bpd. i think i said it earlier but i really don't cry. stress or overstimulation or whatever just comes out as rage or anger and i hate it. there have been many conversations with close friends where i've vented about just the fact that i can't cry (unless i get pushed so far that my emotions don't know what else to do).

the scariest part is all the things i don't have answers for, i don't even know if it'd be worth getting answers at this point. i know that not everything has answers and that's tiring on its own right but it scares me. because it falls into that same category. what if i don't deserve to know? what if this is my way of suffering after all the years of pain and suffering i caused others to go through? what if i'm not able to accept the answers? i mean, these are some of what goes through my head all the time. but it goes hand in hand with the whole "what if you're faking it" thing. i've felt that way since i was thirteen. i knew something was wrong, but i quickly grew to feel like it didn't matter because it was all because of me. if i could have some self-control, i'd be normal. if i wasn't so toxic, or abusive, or manipulative, or self-absorbed, or narcissistic, etc. it's all the same but it never stops hurting. and it's so hard trying to have people who don't live like this understand that this is what a normal day is like for me.

that on a normal day, i want to kill myself the entire time. i want to rip my arms apart and take everyone down with me. that i don't hate someone one moment and the next i wish them immediate suffering and that i never have to speak to them again (but then i take it back twenty minutes later because i'm no longer feeling that way). i actually learned of a new term that i didn't know of. around the time when i got diagnosed with bpd, i learned of the term NSSI. non-suicidal self injury. and it made a big part of me make sense for the first time in my entire life. hurting yourself because you need the thoughts to stop, not because you're trying to commit. i guess i can mention this here but i don't really hurt myself. at least not in the expected sense. i have before but usually only when things get so bad and i actually have access to it. most of the time though, i actually can just not do it. it's not that i don't feel like it's something i should be doing or i deserve it or whatever, but just because i can't move. like i'm hearing in my head: "do it. hurt yourself. who gives a shit about you anyways," and meanwhile i'm just sitting here to which someone on a first glance could say "oh, you seem okay." but i'm not. in that moment, i barely feel there.

i don't know. it's so hard to explain. sorry. this post probably doesn't make any sense. i don't have much left to write because what i have put down already was so hard to get out there. and i hope my posts don't just come off as only complaining or whatever. i don't want to take my life most days in a serious sense. i've learned i definitely have passive suicidal ideation, but yeah. i wanted to at one point which then stretched for a long time. but not anymore. i worry a lot about being too negative.

always wanna say, dms on here are open if anyone needs someone to talk to /gen.

[mammondrivesamazdamiata]

Obey Me! Boys as Baristas in a coffee shop

I myself am a barista and so I feel qualified enough to make assumptions :P Enjoy

(includes foul language lol)

Lucifer

- The opening manager

- Clean freak

- Always has a rag tucked into the pocket of his apron

- Arrives fifteen minutes early every morning and complains about it

- Keeps everyone on task during rushes

- Will passive aggressively argue with customers

"I want a medium cappuccino. Don't make it a latte. I don't want milk to the top, I want about two inches of foam."

"Ma'am, please do not speak to me like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm aware of what a cappuccino is and how to make it. Unless you'd like to come behind the counter and make it yourself?"

- Will snap at his crew when he's stressed and apologize for it later

- Freaks out when nothing is stocked

Mammon

- Strictly an order taker on most days

- Can not remember recipes to save his life

- Constantly gets into these long, drawn out conversations with customers and has to be reeled back in

- Honestly great at customer service, but totally fake

"Bye, guys! Have a good one!" *Turns around* "Holy shit they were fucking annoying."

- Has a crush on every good-looking person that comes in

- Pretty good at memorizing regular customer orders and tries to have their order saved into the POS system before they arrive

- LOVES making pup cups. He considers it the best part of his job. Will argue with Satan over who gets to hand it out

- Always gets stuck mopping the floors because no one else wants to do it

- Will straight up eat espresso beans

Levi

- Actually a very good barista

- Memorizes recipes and measurements really fast

- Can be seen carrying multiple drinks in his arms during a rush

"I've got the entire first and second tickets, so don't worry about those."

- So bad at customer service. So awkward. Not allowed to take orders unless he knows the person

- Will start dancing on the line when he thinks he's alone. Runs to the back and hides when he realizes a customer was standing at the counter watching him

- Eats a single croissant on his break

- Puts 6 shots of espresso in his drink every day. Lucifer is deeply considering cutting him off

- Won't take a bathroom break until it's an emergency

Satan

- The baker

- Usually opens with Lucifer to catch up on baking. He hates this and ignores Lucifer the whole morning

- Loves to decorate cupcakes and sugar cookies for the holidays/seasons. Always gets compliments on them

- Him and Asmodeus always come up with the specialty drinks every month

- Fights with Diavolo every day about making the coffee shop a cat cafe instead

- Would rather make food orders than coffee orders

- Gets stuck prepping everything

- In charge of inventory orders. Won't even ask anyone to help him because he doesn't trust them to do it right

- Gets so frustrated during rushes

- Will slam things until he's forced to step outside to take a breather

- Will argue with customers if they catch him on a bad day

"Jeez, seven dollars for a latte? Are you kidding me?"

"Well, yeah, it's a dollar-fifty up-charger for oat milk."

"That seems ridiculous!"

"Listen, I don't make the prices, lady, now are you going to give me your money or not?"

Asmodeus

- Employee of the month

- Literally so good at customer service

- Everyone loves working with him because he's constantly getting tipped

- Addresses regulars by name and compliments them

"Liz, did you change your hair? It looks so good!"

*Gasps* "I love your nails! Where do you get them done?"

"Good morning, Ron, are we just doing your small French roast today?"

- Is also confident in his ability to take orders

"Wow, I really am just a delight to talk to."

- Always leaves milk on the counter or forgets to close the fridges after making something

- Keeps forgetting to empty the espresso pucks after pulling. Pisses off Levi to no end

- Likes making cold drinks over hot drinks

- Doesn't even like coffee. Drinks chai lattes almost exclusively

- Flirts with customers

- Refuses to count registers

"Nah, I'm too cute for math 😊"

Beel

- Closing shift manager

- Keeps getting in trouble for sneaking bites of food between orders

Lucifer: "Beel, you cannot keep eating pickles out of the container when you're not wearing gloves that's cross contamination."

"Try and stop me."

- Every customer's barista crush. He's completely clueless to all advances

- gets hangry and snaps at his coworkers

- eats some pasta salad and is perfectly fine afterwards

- Closing shift always calls on him for customer complaints because he's such a large individual and can be really intimidating

- Will procrastinate the closing list all day and haul ass for the entire last hour to get it done on time

- Holds a lot of grudges against his coworkers but doesn't say anything to avoid conflict

- Will be fine all day but blows up at the slightest inconvenience

- Likes to take the trash out so he can decompress in peace behind the dumpsters

Belphie

- Hates his job

- Only works there because Beel convinced him to apply

- So clumsy

- Always spills drinks

- Won't argue with customers but glares at them from across the counter

- Counts registers at the end of the night

- Complains about everything

- Wants to start the closing list five hours before the cafe even closes

- Will purposefully mess up drinks for customers he doesn't like

"One Soy latte. You're all set." *Under his breath* "Joke's on you, bitch, that was 2%."

- Talks about putting in his two weeks every month but never actually does it

- Always forgets to write dates on items he opens

Diavolo

- The owner, obviously

- Has no idea how to do anything, so he leaves the brunt of cafe work to Lucifer and Barb

- Tried to make coffee for a customer once and forgot to put espresso in it

- Hands things out to the wrong customers, so the boys have to remake orders constantly when Diavolo's working with them

- Has to be restrained from making terrible business decisions

Diavolo: "Hey, what if we did a Bloody Mary bar on the weekends?"

Lucifer: "Not happening."

Diavolo: "Well, it's a good thing I'm the owner and can do whatever I want 😝"

Lucifer: "WE DON'T HAVE A LIQUOR LICENSE."

Diavolo: "Oh... How do you get one of those?"

- Goes on a cruise every month and leaves the cafe to be run by his employees

Barbatos

- Exhausted

- Handles all finances

- Sees a mouse one time and loses his mind

- Clean, clean, cleanCLEANCLEANCLEAN

- Quietly cries while he signs paychecks

- Has a nervous breakdown every time the health inspector stops by

- Stops Diavolo from making OSHA violations

Undateables as customers! (bonus)

Solomon

- Kind of a dick

- Leaves 50 cent tips

- Always complains that his black coffee is too cold

- Will not drink it unless it's 200+ degrees

- Always asks for a sleeve even though he's been told multiple times that it's already built into the cup

Simeon

- Gets a really complicated drink but all the baristas love him so it's okay

- Large iced dirty chai with 2 shots of espresso and oat milk, light ice

- Usually leaves a tip that's more than his drink

- Gossips with everyone that works there

- Super patient no matter how long it takes them to get his order out

- Diavolo keeps trying to give him a job, but Simeon is smart enough to kindly refuse

- Brings his work and sits in the lobby for hours

Luke

- Orders a hot chocolate (frozen or hot depending on the time of year) with whip cream and rainbow sprinkles

- One time he burned his tongue so bad that Lucifer gave him free drinks for a week

- Luke would just put the amount the drink cost into the tip jar instead because he felt bad

"You could pour hot coffee in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you."

- Asked for a job once. Mammon convinced Barb not to hire him on grounds of "he's so annoying."

[incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes]

GG wrapped 12

Song 12: Best by Gracie Abrams

(another different format than I usually do)

Dear Josh,

Hi. Hey. Hi Josh. Hi.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. And I can't talk to anyone about it. Or maybe I don't want to.

I think the only person I could talk to about you... is you. And I can't do that for obvious reasons. Well, obvious to me. It can't be obvious to you because you forgot, which is the obvious thing, and now we're in this whole kind of spiral thing where it just goes around and around like a... spiral.

I did some crazy things. Crazier than getting a bottle out of a trash can or going through your trash or everything that happened the night we broke up.

I realize you might not have known about the trash thing, but I'm just gonna move past that. 

You might be wondering why, in the aftermath of all of the things that have happened since the night we broke up, why am I thinking about you. Maybe it's because I miss when things were much easier and, whether you believe it or not, that was a much easier time.

Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that I lost my memories recently. Of the whole summer. I realize I actually don't know how much you forgot and I never will. I know the night we broke up is mostly a blur and I know you remember that we dated and that I lied.

Since coming back I've been almost bored out of my mind. I've lost so much weight, but also my whole appetite? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like everyone keeps thinking they're presenting me with opportunities to 'come back' and I keep missing or not taking them. And somehow, through all this weirdness, the weirdest thing is that I've felt you here the whole time. Everything seems to come back to the semester we met. And it's my own fault, it's the things I did that made it this way, but it makes me think of you and it's like you're here.

I guess that's why I can't talk to Zach about this. If Zach was talking to me that is. Anyway, I realized I don't really have much to say about you, rather, things I want to say to you. Um, so, I guess, that's what this is.

I must have lied straight to your face twenty times a day. And like how can you lie that much to someone while still thinking you love them? While wanting them to believe that you love them? I get so mad at Zach for withholding things from me and lying to me. And he's doing that for things far more serious than I was. He'll do it if he thinks it'll keep me safe; even if it makes me hate him a little bit. The stakes are high. What was I lying to you for? Fun? Like scratching an itch. Like you were my little strange addiction.

And you still tried to stay after you found out I lied. Sure, you wanted me to explain and I lied some more, but then you followed me anyway. On a forklift. Against what you thought were kidnappers. I guess highly trained operatives are actually worse than run of the mill kidnappers. Although the kidnappers being run of the mill is really an assumption and what would it even mean to be a run of the mill kidnapper? It's not like that's a serious profession. Unless it is

I don't know, Josh. I've always done the on my own thing. My instinct is to isolate myself. It's why I'm called the chameleon, not that you knew that about me. And there you were, showing me, at the end but also throughout our relationship, that you would have stood by me and I just- couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to not hide from you, too. In my defense, clearly I wouldn't have been able to tell you much since you did end up having your memory wiped. But we never really had a chance. And that's kind of on me.

I'm sorry. I'm sure it feels like I played with your feelings. And maybe I did. I wish you knew that was never my intention. 

We were too different if you look at the larger picture. But if you looked at just Josh and Cammie, I don't think we were half bad. I wish we'd had a chance. A real chance. I'm glad that you and I happened and I wish you knew I do regret how I handled it. I'd hope you could forgive me, if you ever got to know all this. Because I bet you resent me. I would. It wasn't really your style, but no one is perfect. I'd resent me, resent all of it, so it's not like I could blame you. But maybe someday we could look back on what happened and agree maybe we weren't terrible. Maybe we were just fifteen.

I'm not saying any of this as an excuse. I promise I haven't forgotten my fault in all of this. And I mean look at me now. I'm alone, sitting here, in what is supposed to be my home with my best friends and my boyfriend and I'm writing a letter to my ex boyfriend that no one is ever gonna see but me. And I don't blame them either, not really. Since you I've messed up with a lot of people in my life. All of my self-control kind of got difficult I guess. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know and I'm sorry. Josh, you're the worst of my crimes. They all started with you and you were completely innocent. You fell hard for a girl you thought you knew and I wasn't even her. And then you saw me with Zach and I'm sure it felt so weird. Like a punch to the gut in the form of me just waving a new guy around like 'good riddance!'.

I never was the best to you. I'm sorry.

I never was. And I'm sorry. But I'm trying to be better. I just wanted to tell somebody that I'm trying. Someone who won't tell me that I'm not or that it's not enough.

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @euphoniouspandemonium

Who You Are:

Syd || He/they/she

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Historical fiction, mystery, paranormal, poetry, and tragedy. Young adult, new adult, and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Historical fiction (mostly set in Europe during the 20th and 19th century because that's what I find most appealing to write, I do like reading stories in other periods and continents though). It appeals to me because I like the idea of exploring the way people in history were shaped by their time periods, in particular in regards to queerness (with fewer labels to work with, the main perception of queerness is the way the characters see and experience it, which in pretty much all cases is very different from the way queer identities are perceived now: in historical fiction, unlike uhhhhh mainstream queer media, it is not about labels and definitions and Gay People Who've Never Done A Bad Thing In Their Lives, but about unbridled rawness and godawful people doing godawful things because of the way they perceive their identity and calling themselves slurs while they're at it.). This turned into being about gay people very fast. Anyway, I also like researching cool pretty clothes. And writing in an old timey style.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Science fiction. I think it is a very interesting genre but the descriptions are what turns me off. It is usually set in space or a futuristic setting, obviously, which are settings that I cannot begin to imagine descriptions for, and also can't think of any concepts for.

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

My target audience is… well I'm gonna get cheesy and say "queer people who think about everything poetically and yearn for the romantic" OR "queer people who like cityscapes and are obsessed with Will Wood". A lot of people who like my work are in neither category, so yes, people outside of them can find value in my work as well.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Queerness as explored in a setting separated from the expectations set for queer identities in the present day; love that is violent; love that is very very tender (violence and tenderness are not mutually exclusive); friends to lovers; partners in crime (literal). What appeals that I can do a lot with them – I literally do not run out of ideas for these themes and tropes (I have a document for concepts, which contains over 60 concepts, most of which are about at least one of these)

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

I will say casts of characters that are very morally pure, though I definitely don't always hate that or think it's bad. I simply prefer writing and reading about morally gray or downright horrible people, I think.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

I am always jumping around between projects, but right now I am mainly working on Cotton Mendings, a WIP of mine that I have had for about a year; and a short story that I haven't named.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

To stay sane!! To explore myself through the exploration of others, to create a memorial for the joys of the world that will be lost before the joys of the world are lost (the sun! I could write about the sun forever. It does not know I exist. Can you believe that? What a joy indeed). To explore the dark parts of existence and find the tenderness and the love in them. What keeps me writing is that only through creation can I do this. Only through creation can I express my adoration for this putrid enthusiastic existence.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

Since I was a small child! I was drawn to it because I fell in love with books and wanted to create some. It's quite usual for writers, I suppose.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

In short: everywhere. Emotions, music, films, books, poetry, sights, coins on side walks, the movements of a friend's hands, beams of sunlight, the trinkets in my room, the sky, the thoughts in my brain, shadows. For my main project – the aforementioned Cotton Mendings – the idea came from the song Angie by The Rolling Stones, and developed in a matter of days. It was glorious, listening to the song and finding a relationship between two characters, and following it under a starry sky, and ending up with new character relationships almost unrelated to the first one.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

A few paragraphs I wrote very suddenly a couple of weeks ago about a character relationship I wanted to explore. It conveys the emotions really well, I think, and it is filled with phrases and sentences I am obsessed with.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I haven't! I would like to, someday.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Making fancy covers appeals the most… However talking to editors and agents and what not does not appeal to me.

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

What appeals to me most is the actual writing! I want to see the thing in my head come alive! Breathing raw thing with its breathing raw words! It is not as vivid in my head as it is when I actually give words to it. Least appealing is writing scenes that are actually important to progress the plot instead of scenes where the characters just cuddle and talk :(

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

It usually has very clear steps: first I make a rough summary of the ideas I have for the story and/or make sketches of the characters, then I write a scene or two to get a hang of the voice, and what happens after that is in God's hands (sometimes those two steps are as far as it goes. Sometimes I become obsessed with the story and write a lot of it. Sometimes I even finish it.)

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

Two years. I mostly wanted to be around like-minded people, I guess.

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@writing-is-a-martial-art is my dearest friend, he was mutuals with some of my mutuals and I checked out his stories and we ended up following each other and becoming close friends. There are also @ink-fireplace-coffee, @alexwritesfiction, @fiercely-raging-writer, and @worldsandparagraphs, who are all my friends and have vastly different styles from me, and whom I would lay down my life for. Don't remember what I followed any of them for or how I found them. I am obsessed with the works of @olimpias (who is also my friend) and @phantomnations, and found them both through their writeblr introductions, followed them for their incredible work. They're very cool.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

The unconditional appreciation for the act of creation

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I contribute with reblogging people's work and, once in a blue moon, posting my own, but I am mostly outside the community currently, and would like to stay like that, at least for a while.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

I have never thought about it. Excerpts of people's work, mostly.

[supergigabigboybabechad]

She/they, bisexual, asexual, 19 (I tried to make it less formal sorry if it looks formal still. 💜)

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin. (If you need I picture I can send you one in dm or I can send a picrew).

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t or my kin itto and scaramouche, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

Hii!! Im sorry this took so long I wanted to make sure you’d definitely love it and I couldn’t do much over weekdays but weekends are for double time! So here you go!❤️ (order is less to most compatible imo!🔥)

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul would REALLY appreciate you wanting to talk things out during a fight, as well as how easy you are to talk to!

Azul has insecurities himself, so it’s safe to say he’d get scared you’d leave him if you left your fight without resolving anything, with his nature in general, pretty sure he hates loose ends

Once you’ve talked things out while being civil and mature, he’d ask “So, could we call this situation resolved?”

The way his voice shakes a little you can tell he’s worried

Upon hearing no and that it was just a conversation to better understand each other, that now that you’ve resolved the issue you can both better work to avoid it next time, not only is he relieved but he’s smitten with how smart you are!

Azul is overworks himself too. Top ranking student with a successful business, theres definitely a lot on his mind…

Luckily you’d be there to support him, he wouldn’t want to appear weak to you so if you asked him what was wrong he’d respond with the usual “just tired”

Urge him to take the break he so desperately needs so he can just sit with you

His jacket’s not very comfortable so if you’d offer him your hoodie he’d bashfully accept and lean on you

He likes that you’re chubby! It kind of hits home for him with his past but the way you’re so beautiful dare he say your size adding to such beauty it soothes his past wounds

He would love to play board games with you!! He’d take you up at every challenge

He might let you win if he’s feeling especially benevolent but if you beat him on your own accord he’d keep challenging you till he won

If it’s largely a skill based game it would bother him so much that he’d devote hours to practice just to be able to win

Azul would understand your anxiety due to his own, he may not experience it the way you do but he sure knows how it feels

He’d drag you to the vip room where you could have time to think

If you’re willing to talk to him he’d walk you through your thoughts and help you rationalize what’s going on

He’d also get Jade or Floyd to bring you some food and refreshments, on the house of course, to make sure you’re in the right headspace

If you wanted to help him out while he works he’s really appreciate it! Being helpful to him, trying to decrease his workload, he feels cared for

That and any time with you relaxes him, suddenly paperwork feels less like a chore.

Silver

Upon first meeting you silver wouldn’t be deterred by your rbf (he has one too). He’d speak to you in his overly formal way.

He wouldn’t mind you being quite or not talking much either, with his caring nature, he’d often come to you just to check in and make sure you’re okay

Silver is very much an acts of service lover. He’d take care of all the spiders for you! He wouldn’t kill them he’d carefully scoop them out and leave them far away from you.

He’d assure you everything is alright and taken care of. Then being knightly as he is, he’d ask if you need anything and bring you a glass of water.

Always going the extra mile to ensure your safety and well being he’d sit beside you, just in case you needed anything.

Speaking of, he’d always be there to comfort you when you’re struggling with your mental health

I cant say he’d know exactly what to do the first time he sees you having a panic attack.

He’ll try his best to comfort you but be hesitant knowing the fragility of the situation. What he will do though is research on how to better help you the next time, he’d speak to you exactly about it as well, not during your attack but he’d bring it up casually

While taking you out on a date in the forest, woodland creatures surround you both having in a relaxed state.

“The other day, how often does that happen?____ Mmh.. I see, I’m sorry, the next time, even if I’m not there, I want you to come to me. What can I do to help you?”

This applies to anxieties about your relationship with him as well.

If you’re anxious about anything in your relationship, it will hurt his heart to know you feel that way and he’s do anything to make sure you have no reasonable doubt in his love for you.

Silver would love your painting.

If you ever wanted inspiration to paint or draw anything outside he’d accompany you out into the forest

Creatures would come running to him wherever you are giving you a lovely scene to spark inspiration. He might fall asleep while your painting but with all the animals around him and the soft light hitting him you might end up with him on your canvas

He’d be flustered to find that he was the muse of your latest work (very flustered)

“Oh this.. No it’s nice the technique, you’re very skilled.. I just…” he wouldn’t be able to properly express how happy he is

Silver would also encourage you to talk about your personal problems. As your knight and lover, it’s his job to make sure you’re happy and safe

He’d know when you’re upset and ask you about it but he doesn’t want to push, he’d encourage you to tell him but if you’re uncomfortable he wouldn’t force it.

Instead, he’d show you acts of service, taking you out for a walk or just all together refusing to let you be alone

With Silver you’d never feel lonely and you’d always have someone there for you, and someone who will put you first the way you do for others

Leona Kingscholar

This seems like a very unlikely pairing i know, but I feel like you’d really compliment each other!

Can’t say your first impressions of him would be great.. he’d definitely be a bit very rude but generally, i don’t think he’d make any personal attacks, I don’t think he really does so in general he’s just kinda bitchy

You wouldn’t understand what he has against you and try to ask about it. He wouldn’t be receptive at first, if you really think about it, nobody’s really put effort into trying to understand him. You’ll receive push back when trying to understand him

Once he realizes you’re truly trying to have a conversation, he doesn’t know how to take it, he’s touched deep down though, he won’t show it of course but from then on he’s acted more…neutral towards you?

Putting others way before yourself?? He won’t have it, he doesn’t care if you’re nice to people that’s none of his business, but he won’t let you do anything to harm yourself

As lovers, he wouldn’t give you sweet words, but you can tell he speaks to you softer than anyone else, but when it comes to things like this, where you’re indulging in unhealthy habits, he’s much more stern

“Hey herbivore, there’s a difference between being helpful and being a pushover. Do you really want to be doing that?”

If you don’t give in and take care of yourself first, he’ll grab you for a nap

“We’ll I need your help too. I’m your boyfriend, shouldn’t I take priority, i need to be comfortable while I sleep….. Hah? What about them, I’ll tell them you’re busy”

He’d love your comfy clothes and soft body! It’s more comfortable for him when he holds you.

The way you’re protective of the people you care about? Be ready to be on the receiving end x2

If anyone even slightly mistreated you while he’s around, he’d demand things be made right and that you receive an earnest apology

He’ll drive you around too! Or he’ll have someone take you, he’s so reluctant to show how much he cares for you with his words but he’ll do things for you that you know he wouldn’t do for anyone else

If you want him to play a board game, he might make a comment on how childish it is but willingly join you

Unless it’s chess he’d willingly challenge you, if you express desire to play video games though he’ll blow you off about not having any, but the next time you see him he has a console with competitive games for you to play together, he claims it’s because beating you is fun any way so might as well expand his horizons

As for your anxiety? If he notices you’re anxious, he’ll say he wants to ditch and take you somewhere quiet

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” The lack of attitude in his voice gives away his genuine worry. If you don’t respond or say you don’t want to talk about it, he’ll sigh, sit you down beside him and just lean you against his chest where you can hear his heart beat.

Keeping his hand on your head so you can’t move away, whether he intended it or not the sound of his heart beat would soothe you.

His hearing is highly sensitive so he’ll know when you’re feeling better due to your breathing. “Do you wanna tell me know? Or do you wanna stay there?”

Leona would be what you’re missing, he’d stand up for you and make sure you’re first. But at the same time you’d be what he’s missing too, no one has taken the time to truly listen to him, what he thinks or what he feels, with you he feels heard.

Idia Shroud

With how introverted you’d both be at first, you probably got close through board game club

Idia gets more talkative when he’s in a competitive mood which would likely lead you both to opening up while playing

His competitive spirit might bring out something in you too leading to your board game matches to become a more frequent thing (you’re more normal about games than Azul)

I have no proof other than pure gut instinct but I feel this VERY STEONGLY HE WOULD LOVE YOUR FRECKLES HE WOULD LOVE THEM SO MUCH I KNOW HE WOULD

Later into the relationship, he’d hold your face and kiss them as a greeting, afterwards he’d pull back and admire them while lightly brushing over them with his thumb(HE WOULD TRUST)

He loves your style! But he REALLY LOVES your hoodies, if you accidentally forget one in his room, he wont give it back, even when asked about it he’ll claim to have never seen it

He’d get really embarrassed if you asked to wear his racket though, no mater how close you are he’d want so badly to say yes but just wouldn’t be able to get the words out

You wouldn’t have to worry about driving! Idia would just whip you up a car that you don’t have to drive

Spiders though? You’d have to fight about who has to kill them…

Idia has a bad habit of saying the wrong thing, he doesn’t mean any harm but he doesn’t get much social interaction so the things he says can come off in the wrong way, that’s why he appreciates how understanding you are!

If you were to talk to him about it he’d rephrase what he said to better fit what he meant

If you yelled at him he’d cry so the way you approach him in such a mature and understanding way is so comforting, any worries he had about confrontation with you are gone

He understands your anxiety, very much so

He’d walk you through a whole exercise if your experiencing anxiety with him, then he’d give you a piece of candy(he always has some on him) and tell you to focus on enjoying the sweetness of it while walking you through a breathing excercise

He has hella video games too! He’d bring you over to play them, he’s playing to win too, I hope you’re in the mood for some friendly trash talk

Before he knows it, he finds himself comfortable with you, comfortable enough to be himself letting him feel safe with you im sure he hopes you feel the same way about him

——————————————P.S. Your style sounds so cool and ur hair style too! (Also I love freckles!!)