#I don't feel powerless - quite the contrary

[isfjmel-phleg]

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[warmmilk-n-honey]

So lets talk about why the psychosexual elements of Sebastian and Ciel's relationship don't work for me and why I don't think it's thoughtfully addressed enough to justify its existence within the manga. I've wanted to write about my thoughts on this for a while and since my dadbastian post like two people have said they want to hear about this, so here you go.

Warning for discussions of CSA and the sexualization of children within the manga

The main reason, it's just fanservice and the thing is, even if this aspect of their relationship was explored or addressed the fact that it is used as fanservice fotter shows that Yana has no intention of exploring this in a thoughtful way, she just likes sexualizing kids. I'll be repeating this point a lot because it's like basically my thesis... So strap in!

I've seen people say that Yana is trying to illustrate that Sebastian takes pleasure in human suffering, and they use Ciel's panic attack during the circus arc as an example. I would say even if this was her intention-which it definitely could be, it still falls flat because ultimately the reader is meant to be titillated by the way it's framed. It doesn't matter what is trying to be said when we as the reader are meant to be taking pleasure in Ciel's pain and exploitation. That's why it doesn't work for me regardless of Yana's intention, there is no empathy for Ciel's trauma, not actually if we are meant to enjoy his suffering on some level. Lolita for example may be from Humbert's perspective but Dolores herself is not fetishized by the framing, the erotic scenes between the two are written as gross and unappealing, but this couldn't be less the case in the way she draws scenes of Sebastian and Ciel, we are meant to find it sexy. You could say we are meant to see it as Sebastian sees it, but I still don't see that as an excuse to sexualize a child character for the reader's enjoyment. Besides, there are many instances where Ciel is sexualized completely independently of Sebastian. For example in the public school arc there's that scene where Maurice ambushes Ciel...

It is very clear that Yana has fetishized Ciel's trauma and powerlessness in this moment for the sake of the reader's enjoyment, Sebastian's not even in this scene. I can't think of any other reason to frame the scene this way other than that we are meant to find a 13 year old csa victim sexy! What does this scene actually say about Ciel's character? That he finds some kind of masochistic pleasure when he is victimized, perhaps as a coping mechanism? Well that's never addressed within the actual text, that's not consistent with his character. See how I can just make shit up to make the fanservice seem like it serves an actual purpose? Like it's pretty clear Yana didn't think too hard about this scene other than the fanservice aspect of it.

On that note, Yana also likes to sexualize Sebastian and Ciel's power dynamic while not fully addressing the psychological effects this would have on Ciel. All of it is too sub textual for her to actually explore why a child survivor might have complicated feelings/desires towards a protector who is also being predatory towards him. It honestly makes me understand peoples love for Alois more, even if that aspect of his character isn't written in a respectful or descent way. At least his sexual feelings towards Claude are somewhat acknowledged, and Alois shows interest in his own sexuality (again doesn't make sexualizing a child okay but y'know what I mean). On the contrary we are meant to see Ciel as an effectively heterosexual character who hates Sebastian and has no complicated feelings/desires for him what so ever, so the fact that they are sometimes framed in a way that can be taken as romantic is rlly weird, both narratively and character wise. Also unlike Alois, Ciel shows no interest in sex or his sexuality-in fact he seems quite repulsed by anything sexual, so I find it even more insidious that the "camera" constantly has this voyeuristic view of his body-in the fan service and in the official art. Unlike Alois, Ciel clearly doesn't want to be perceived as "sexy," so why does Yana sometimes draw him posed in suggestive ways or with a sultry expression on his face? 🤔

this is kind of a bad example cause he's not "trying to look sexy" but still, sexualizing his body!

This next point is a bit disconnected from Ciel and Sebastian's framing but I feel like it still relates to some over arcing issues with how Ciel is portrayed.

So let's talk about Ciel's sex repulsion, and only being a survivor when it's coinvent for the plot. Let us not forget that Ciel was also victimized by women, but Yana shows a complete disinterest in what a survivor would actually be feeling in moments where he has his boundaries violated by girls and women. We all know the scene with Sieglende that's played only for laughs, or when Nina violates his boundaries, or when Ran-Mao shoves her tits in his face. We see Ciel is visibly uncomfortable by these instances and even when he sees a scantly clad woman, but all of this is played for comedy in the typical shonen manga way of guy gets flustered when he see big booba. Again none of it is meaningfully explored nor addressed. Is he actually sex-repulsed because of trauma? Or is his displeasure in those situations meant to be funny manga hijinks? Sometimes I truly think Ciel's status as a CSA survivor is just there for shock value (or worse titillation *shudder*) and to tie into her themes about the dark depths of humanity. The problem with that is that she is not thinking through the implications of having a character with this kind of trauma. Like he's triggered by someone touching his scar but not a grown woman shoving her tits into his face?! Make it make sense. Also by making it into comedy I find it dismissive of the fact that boys can be abused by women.

Before my conclusion, I just want to add that often times the fanservice can be taken as extremely subjective. There are many scenes of Ciel and Sebastian that can be taken as sexual if you want to see it that way, but can also be seen as parental. I fully believe this is intentional and you are meant "to see what you want to see" so to speak. It's one of the reasons I find it so funny when people who sexualize their relationship get mad at dadbastian, like you do realize she also makes them have pseudo parent child interactions on purpose right? (it can also be seen as a part of the fetish, eww)

In conclusion, basically what I'm trying to say is that Yana never thought of deeper reasons for why Sebastian and Ciel's relationship is portrayed the way it is, she is simply catering to shippers as well as fulfilling her own desires. She also handles Ciel's status as a survivor of sexual abuse very poorly. I've never read her past work because I'm not subjecting myself to that shit, but I have seen some panels of it compared to Black Butler, and I think it's is very clear that she has certain kinks that she likes to slip into Black Butler with no regard for how this muddies the narrative. She is the definition of the author slipping in their poorly disguised fetish! Even if I didn't think it was fundamentally gross, which I do, I also think it's just shitty story telling, most of this fandom is convinced that Sebastian and Ciel are romantically interested in one another, when the text itself couldn't be more to the contrary! And I can't even blame them for thinking that because Yana directly feeds into it! It's like a fucking ouroboros of shitty fanservice and lowbrow humor.

[embervoices]

A number of people responding to this seem to think I'm a pacifist, taking the side of no action in a dichotomy where our only options are "Focus on destroying the enemy" or "Sit back and let them destroy us".

On the contrary. I am NOT a pacifist. Nowhere have I argued for anyone to turn the other cheek. By all means, if there is literally someone right in front of you physically trying to kill you, fight back for all you are worth. If you can't win, then go down fighting, and do whatever you can to take them with you.

And yet.

If that's your actual situation, why the fuck are you having a text argument with a random stranger on Tumblr about it, instead of doing whatever you have to do to literally survive?

The people whose everyday life is under direct attack aren't the people we're saying need to be vigilant about radicalization.

It's the rest of us - the people who know things are bad, care tremendously, and frequently feel powerless, but are not ourselves in immediate danger, who need to be vigilant.

Because my point is very much NOT "Bad things aren't happening, calm down."

"Calm" and "reasonable" are NOT synonyms.

By all means, be very reasonably angry!

Just please, PLEASE focus that anger on what we need to BUILD UP, not on who we can justify killing.

Wiping the slate clean means destroying the infrastructure that feeds our population of hundreds of millions (in the US alone). Wiping the slate clean means letting everyone unhoused, most disabled people, etc. just fucking die for lack of support.

Whatever metric we use to measure success in this fight is what we will maximize, and "dead enemies" doesn't feed anybody, doesn't house anybody, doesn't distribute meds to anybody. Do you see it yet?

I get it. You're ready to make sacrifices because you have nothing left to lose.

Except that's bullshit.

If you are in the USA and in a position to post on Tumblr I promise you still have quite a bit left to lose.

Ask any inmate.

Ask any refugee.

But if you sincerely believe that, because of the constant media input telling you simplified sound bites all about what's wrong, and nothing about how to fix it except "It's US against THEM and we MUST DESTROY THEM!", then you will be oh-so-conveniently focused on nothing but attack and counterattack.

And there's a very big, very obvious problem with that.

Think about it. If this really IS heading for a physical war where the goal is for them to kill us or for us to kill them, we're already done here. Because "They" include billionaires, and governments with access to literally every weapon in the known world, multiple military organizations, and huge media propaganda machines, and "We" have... what exactly?

Maybe don't pick a fight we can't fucking win?

Hence so many of us saying, "We're not there yet, and that's not a goal we will survive. Focus on things like cooperating with each other to make future attacks no longer possible, or shoring up our infrastructure so that it can't be taken away from us so easily."

Because if all you can see to do with your fear and anger is destroy, you have successfully fallen right into the trap that was set for you by the very people you fear most.

And that, my friends, is an absolutely tragic waste of justified, useful anger.

A little advice from someone studying extremist groups: if you’re in a social media environment where the daily ubiquitous message is that you have no hope of any kind of future and you can’t possibly achieve anything without a violent overthrow of society, you’re being radicalized, and not in the good way.

[the-winters-prince]

I cannot apprehend Artos like, at all. This man deserves to see history repeat itself when he catches Lleu leaving his brother's room late at night.

Forget about everything else I wanna see the of OG sibcest, headcanon that Morgause was older than Artos and had to baby him in the same way Goewin and Medraut had to with Lleu which is why she feels as if Artos owes her something.

I'd kill for a prequel or a short story about Artos and Morgause. They give off proto Medlleu vibes (legitimate child/bastard, healer poisoner/swordsman, jealousy, incest). I find it curious that Morgause had Artos in a vulnerable position and chose to seduce him instead of using this opportunity to murder him right then and there. If she had only wanted the crown she could have picked the easier way. Contrary to all reason she tried to babytrap her brother and thought he would make his sister queen when presented with their bastard. This plan never would have worked if Artos had never felt more than physical attraction towards Morgause.

Furthermore Morgause never seriously tried to murder Lleu in TWP and Artos never really punished her for poisoning his most treasured child which implies there exists still some sort of affection between them (or that she still has some sort of sway over him). He was harsher on Medraut than Morgause. Maybe Artos wasn't mad that Morgause fucked Medraut, because she violated his son but he was jealous that she was fucking his son and not him. He is unable to love Medraut. To him it must be like seeing a corrupted version of himself. Morgause used Medraut as a canvas to carve the psychological trauma she inflicted onto Artos and he tried to conceal from the eyes of others, in physical form into Medraut for all the world to see. Medraut's existence will always be a reminder of the sins Artos had committed and a knife to rip open old wounds. In no Human Hands to Touch Morgause herself says making Medraut her lover was a way to triumph over her brother. I could imagine that Morgause had been projecting Artos on him while Artos had been projecting Morgause on him. Medraut had been hurt and molded by them, because his parents could not punish and change the person they felt betrayed by.

It's quite ironic that the child that Artos favoured ends up to be the most like his sister. Perhaps this is the true reason why Artos loves Lleu so much. At least subconsciously he must have picked up on their similarities.

My headcanon, just like yours, is that Morgause is the elder sister and Artos the little brother. In Camelot 2011 Morgan accuses Uther of having murdered her mother, which made it possible for him to marry Arthur's mother Igraine. I like your idea that as a child Morgause was longing for Igraine's love, even though her stepmother was also the reason of her mother's death. I could imagine that Morgause tried to harm Artos when he was a baby, as a form of revenge for her mother (she couldn't kill Igraine because she liked Igraine and felt like it was Igraine's duty to replace her mother and love her like her own child as rependence for her marriage with Uther), but then baby Artos grabbed her ring finger with his tiny hand which held the knife and she was stunned as she was met with the full force of Artos' gaze. Artos' first sight would be filled with the image of his sister. And then she decided that Artos was hers <3

I'm fond of Lleu-Morgause parallels. They are both legitimate children with a claim to the throne, they are prideful, vain and cruel. They have a liking for luxury goods and exotic pets, in particular birds. I imagine that they both felt trapped and powerless during their childhood. Lleu by his illness and his father's protectiveness and Morgause felt shackled by her gender and the strict rules of the convent she was send to. In the beginning she might have assisted Artos in his quests and lived vigorously through him.

I don't think Morgause and Artos grew up together. I could imagine that she knew Artos when he was a toddler. Personally I think Uther send her away as soon as he got word that his wife birthed him a son. It'd be a crazy coincidence if the convent was located next to the village where Merlin send Artos to be fostered but not impossible :) Her status as holy woman could have given her a rare kind of power over him. She was a princess betrothed to god, he was an orphan with unknown origins. I can picture that young Artos was enthralled and in awe of the beautiful woman that had taken a shine to him and willing to accept her terms for a secret relationship. She'd teach him reading with her favourite myths and he'd write her greek poetry like the lovesick fool he was. Back then the greatest joy he could imagine was becoming her knight and fighting battles in her name. He made countless promises and vows to her and he broke all of them. That's why Morgause hates liars and would punish Medraut severely if she suspected him of having been dishonest about something.

[raccoonshinobi]

Sometimes people are just sad because it isn't very sustainable to be angry. Some people aren't in as much control with their lives as you'd think.

People who are sad or depressed have a sense of powerlessness a lot of people who are well-off or oblivious can't seem to grasp.

It's not about what we have or don't have. It's not about how 'lucky' we are... Whether it really is a chemical imbalance varies from person to person - but it's not the whole of the situation.

It's the environment that's thrusted on us that makes us feel powerless. It's a world we never asked for, a world we can't control because others control it for us.

You ever wonder why we feel better crafting things, be it a simulation game, or a coloring game? Why most depressed people are creatives and comedians? Why we delve more in fantasy and cartoons over the harsh realities of life?

It's simply because we're in control of what we create for ourselves and for others.

Creating things give a feeling of control that cannot be compared. Whether it's music, a field of characters, world-building. It's our safety net.

Creation and creativity is practically therapeutic to those who feel lost; we feel better when we establish a direction in anything. That sense of control is the most important thing to us; without it, we're empty.

One may say it's probably what makes us miserable and depressed - but it's quite the contrary; it could be the only thing keeping us here. We're survivors who hung on just a bit longer.

Ironically, it comes full circle when we express ourselves on a societal level, because it presents the danger of losing the control we had garnered through the arts, once again in the fear of our peers. Outside interferences that can make or break you. Something you hold dear on a personal level is now shared with everyone had could have a million opinions and any one of them won't sit right with you.

Social media had never sat right with me but I thought it was just because I'm an introvert. Humans are social creatures, but so are most animals. It's purely out of necessity - and ONLY out of necessity - that we interact but we're not built to involve ourselves and hassle others in every crisis the world faces especially when we have little control of our own lives.

This in itself is poisonous especially when strangers you'll never meet in person reach out and expect you to go up and beyond, and you hardly seeing anything change from it if at all.

Even animals have days-long downtimes to themselves... We're not really built to associate on an hourly or even a daily basis. This is the mindset of people who insist that humanity function as a beehive or ant hill with constant contact and it's just none closer to the truth...

Depression is hard to beat because no one actually can't fully understand it. We look so deep into the technical and neurological aspects and on such of collectivist level that the idea of intrapersonal communication (talking to oneself for problem-solving) as an option is avoided entirely.

I only just now realize that as long as I feel I'm in control of my life even when things turn to shit, I feel loads better because it was still my call to make - much rather than be vulnerable while at someone else's beck and call as they themselves are made to be my lifeline. And would set out to live/ruin my life for me...

That I only exist as a haphazard whim to just anyone passing by rather than with a genuine purpose and grow on my own to be the person I can be proud of.

... Teenage depression makes so much more sense now.

[mafuyutism]

here's one (1) set of main OCs! this is about to get real long, so get ready! introductions will be from left to right.

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【Miles Chauhan】

Pronouns: He/Him

Birthday: October 1st

Bio: A transfer student from India along with his """"little sister""""", Anaya. He is rather secretive and prefers to keep to his little circle of friends, so not many people know too much about him. Despite all this, he is very popular and regularly gets love confessions from people who barely know his name. He may seem standoffish at first, but he's completely chill once you get to know him. On a totally unrelated note, Miles is able to see into the future.

Likes: Just about any food as long as its sweet (surprisingly)

Dislikes: anything that is sour. oh yeah, he doesn't like belut either. actually, he just doesn't like eels in general. he will get unreasonably angry with you if you come at him with anything with an eel in it.

Worthless trivia: Anyone who has attempted to track down his family heritage has ended up just going in circles. On that note, Miles is the older sibling. He is most certainly the older sibling! This is very true, very easily verifiable information.

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【Anaya Chauhan】

Pronouns: She/Her

Birthday: October 1st

Bio: Transfer student from India along with her """""little brother"""", Miles. Contrary to her sibling, she is plenty easygoing and is the more chill of the two of them. This certainly doesn’t mean she can’t get angry; if anything, she is 20x worse than Miles when she’s angry. Luckily for the people around her, it’s almost impossible to make her upset, but if you decide to lay a hand on one of her friends, you should start saying your prayers. And run *very* far, preferably to a different continent. Despite that, she is very dependable as a friend, and is willing to let just about anyone into her circle of friends, much to Miles’ chagrin. Much like her brother, she is quite popular and regularly gets love confessions from strangers. Anyways, she has the power to always know how someone feels, regardless of how much they lie about it.

Likes: Just about everything

Dislikes: Not much…

Worthless trivia: If Anaya is speaking in Hindi, there’s a 99% chance that she is shit talking either you or someone in the general vicinity. Or she’s just having a private conversation that she doesn’t want English speakers eavesdropping on. And no, there is no way you can tell the difference. Oh, and she is the older sibling! This is very true, verifiable information.

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【Chihiro Suzumiya】

Pronouns: He/Him (?????)

Birthday: August 4th (?????)

Bio: 15 year old from Okinawa and is a younger sibling to a sister that he very much does not like and will make great effort to never mention. Unlike the rest of his friends, Chihiro is relatively sheltered and naïve, making him more vulnerable to people wanting to take advantage of him. He's also pretty docile, so it's pretty much impossible to make him angry. On that note... whether he wants to admit it or not, he has a massive savior complex, and will get very angry with you if you decide to bring it up. He also allegedly has a crush on Kala, but that's just a theory. A game theory.

All that aside, Chihiro has a pretty dark past that he doesn't like to talk about. His friends barely know anything about him other than the fact that he exists and is a sophomore. Hell, they don't even know that he has an older sibling. He's pretty much a blank slate of a human as far as they're concerned. He is also completely powerless.

Likes: Kala. Not much.

Dislikes: His older sister that will not be named. Not much else.

Worthless trivia: Chihiro speaks in Okinawan Japanese, and he'll fall into it if he gets angry or nervous. Granted there's not many differences between Okinawan Japanese and mainland Japanese, and it's more like a dialect like Kansai-ben, but still, I thought it was interesting to mention.

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【Kala Jelani】

Pronouns: She/Her

Birthday: July 9th

Bio: Kala is a 15 yr old whose main languages are Swahili (from her father) and Hindi (her mother). She is pretty introverted, but is willing to open up once you get to know her. In her school, she's known for being a quote un quote "slut" simply because she has more friends that are boys than girls, and for acting more masculine than her peers... and sleeping in class. She once had a phase where she was hyper feminine, but she doesn't like to talk about it much. Kala is interested in video games, and usually stays up all night playing them.

(SLIGHT TW FOR SUICIDE!!! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!)

Sure she seems carefree on the surface, but deep inside Kala suffers from severe depression, which causes her to disappear from school for days at a time whenever she experiences an episode. Not many people notice, or care, but her friends (Chihiro & Anaya in particular) sure do. More often than not, Kala wants to disappear thanks to her overbearing mother who does some... less than savory things to keep her child in check. Kala doesn't enjoy speaking about her home life because of it.

On a lighter note, she allegedly as a crush on Chihiro, but no one knows if that's true or not. She's also part of a tiering guild, which is the main reason for her sleeping in class. Not that it's an excuse.

Likes: It's a secret????

Dislikes: Her mother

Worthless trivia: Girlie is basically running on energy drinks and the spite she feels for her mother. Also!!! She also has an ability of her own...! Kind of... she has the ability to make shields and then pop them like bubbles; but since she got said ability recently, she pretty much sucks at handling it.

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OH MY FUCK T HIS IS FINALLY DONE. HELP. THIS TOOK ME A MONTH. I got stuck on Chihiro's because I didn't want to relay every last bit of his life, I wanted to make him appear more like a character with not much of a personality outside of being the therapist friend, but that was hard to do.

Likes/Dislikes are hard to write, too. So they may be updated. Maybe. Until then, have at this.

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

HOLY SHIT at the ides of trying to "reset" Dream I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT 😱 lends a whole new...something doesn't it, to the moment when Desire realizes "oh wait, oh shit, this wouldn't actually make me happy. FU - "

I love all of this! Desire is, fittingly, a creature fueled by so many things, spite and devotion and pride and tangled loyalties but also underneath, fears buried so deeply they refuse to even admit that they HAVE fears. Smarter people than me, like onehundredeleventropicalfish have written wonderful meta about Desire's moment at the end of Doll's House. In the show they kind of brush it off and we don't see their internal monologue, but in the comic we do, and it's...revealing. They shut Dream's idea down not just out of pride, but...well, fear of what it means.

I thought Mason's comments about Desire trying to motivate and cheer up Despair were insightful; also I think Desire is trying very very hard not to be keenly aware of how the Endless are not invincible - and it's not just Despair. The loss of their twin is proof that Endless CAN be killed, and changed forever, and Delirium is proof that even if Endless don't die, they can still CHANGE. Delight lost her sanity and changed permanently. These are beings who had, before this point, never really had to face their own mortality, but Despair is walking proof to the contrary.

I've always thought Despair as well as Delirium, is an INCREDIBLY underrated metaphor for living with the aftermath of some deep trauma. In many ways she is still technically the same person...but in a very literal and emotional, metaphorical sense, the person she was before she was murdered is GONE, never to return. She will never be quite the same. And as a result, she is quieter, more prone to isolation and seemingly no longer even totally immune to the ravages of her own function. She endures, but it causes her pain. Did the first Despair harm herself? Did the first Despair well, feel her own power? She has at least some of her predecessor's memories, does she remember her own murder oh god oh FUCK We don't see enough of Despair 1.0 to know, but I wonder. None of her family except her twin and Destruction, seem entirely comfortable with her and I wonder if that isn't just her function but because they're constantly reminded just by seeing her, that this horrible thing happened and now she's changed forever. And because this family isn't so much bad at dealing with issues as they are a bunch of bundles of issues walking around in Endless shaped trench coats, nobody talks about it.

And now there's two siblings Desire has had to see continue to exist but still change, mentally, and for all their power they were utterly powerless to stop it or help...yeah, no wonder Desire has some Issues with the concept of losing control. Not to get too personal or too into the specifics of my own family history but if you've ever had to bear witness to a loved one's mental illness or deterioration that only gets worse over time and apparently has no cure and even very little in the way of treatments, if you've ever had to watch someone you love change irrevocably and in a way that they have no more control over than you do??? You know that it causes a special kind of pain, yes, but also rage that you can't just do something, and also just deep existential terror that cuts you to your core. (Especially if it's something you know or suspect is hereditary so you have to face the possibility however small that one day this might be YOUR life) So...yeah, for all that we're not alike and for all their major flaws, I honestly can't help but relate uncomfortably hard to Desire, on that front.

I really hope the show explores all this, Despair as a character as well as her relationships with her twin and all the other siblings, it's all so interesting and criminally under-explored.

@despairoftheendless *ahem* thoughts??

Thinking about it, I don't think we've ever actually considered the impact the original Despair dying may have had on Desire. I mean, that was their twin, their other half... Whether or not this new being is still Despair, they come back different. The first Despair is shown to be similar to Desire in having a much more outgoing, talkative, confident personality. They were most likely more of an equal/partner for Desire. The second Despair is passive, quieter, more contemplative and seems to be, if not quite dependant on...(Honestly Despair seems to have the most common sense of the two) Then happy to let Desire lead. Their dynamic intrinsically shifted.

Did the death of the original Despair have an impact on how Desire views and treats mortals/humanity?

Did they become more possessive or flippant in regards to the things they love?

Does their new role of protector rather then confidant of the younger Despair cause them to close off, become harder, colder?

Do they view death with less gravity then they once did? We've played Desire trying to kill Dream as not really intentional. Something that went to far... But what if that was their aim? Maybe they thought, after what happened to Despair, if their relationship with Dream seemed unrepairable. They'd just 'reset' him instead.

There's no way the death of their twin didn't leave a deep impact.

[chasingfictions]

hiya hello i want to hear your thoughts about Lottie’s dream sequence in Saints and how it relates to the S1 finale of Buffy please and thank u <3

HELLO ok first of all i love this, this is my love language, is receiving this ask.

also props to @episode5s my beloved & their parallels post about this they truly started cracking the code

second of all!!!! ok this is to me so much about the subterranean! like, this shot to me feels so intentional this shot is like oh okay so they are calling back to buffy and they know it they mean it and the way!!! on buffy the subterranean is so specifically a metaphor for the subconscious, for the hidden, for the demon world and everything that represents — our shadows, our fears, our desires, the ancient world, magic, queerness. buffy is going into the cusp of the hellmouth and honestly lottie's imagery here feels like a play on that? except instead of being in the mouth of the underworld lottie is in the throat. which just, from a cannibalism standpoint, hello.

what's also really curious is this is basically the only time — that i can think of (my knowledge of yj isn't anywhere near as encyclopedic as for btvs so pls correct me if i'm wrong) — when we get something underground on yellowjackets? it's just this sewer. which feels SO intentional because like, they could have had lottie's vision take place anywhere but they specifically chose a sewer, specifically chose underground.

and this goes into a pet theory of mine? about how the symbol is (among other things) a map of the house?

where that little baby triangle made where the big triangle bisects the circle is the attic. and the main segment of the triangle, that lopsided trapezoid, is the main floor of the house. which leaves that bottom triangle, bisected by the line that's impaling the girl. a line with a hook in the bottom, a hook that looks suspiciously like the astrological symbol for lilith

from cafeastrology:

In your natal chart, where Lilith is by sign, house, and aspect is where you may have felt ashamed, shamed, ridiculed, stifled, deeply misunderstood, or repressed in some manner. For whatever reason, you are wary of expressing those traits or parts of your personality freely and unapologetically, and you can feel quite uncomfortable with people who are doing so.

and from astrodienst:

the Dark Moon describes our relationship to the absolute, to sacrifice as such, and shows how we let go. In transit, the Dark Moon indicates some form of castration or frustration, frequently in the areas of desire, a powerlessness of the psyche, or a general inhibition. On the other hand, it shows where we question ourselves, our lives, our jobs, and our beliefs. I feel this is important, since it gives us the opportunity to "let go" of something. The Dark Moon shows where we can let the Whole flow into our selves, without putting an "I" in the way, without putting up a wall in the form of ego. At the same time, it doesn't indicate passivity - on the contrary - it symbolizes the firm will to be open and trusting, to let the Greater World flow through one, relying entirely on the great laws of the universe, on that which we name God. To prepare us for this opening, the Dark Moon creates a necessary void."

like, the "basement" of the house then is hooked into the subconscious — or even if the house doesn't have a literal basement or cellar or anything, like, whatever lies under it. linked to the subconscious and the repressed just like the subterranean on btvs.

and like!!! both of these things are about shame and fear and repression for both of them!! buffy doesn't want to die. buffy has terror about her death. buffy is this frightened little girl, she looks so small and helpless here. and lottie too, lottie is scared of what is happening inside of her. they are both being claimed by these destinies they they didn't choose and don't have any control over and don't particularly want.

and then there's the matter of the just, physical similarities between their two drownings / baptisms?

they're both given a long, white, empire waistline dress by someone else, for a more explicitly "wholesome" purpose. laura lee dresses lottie in a nightgown that, to laura lee, evokes a classical christian baptism. joyce gives buffy a dress so she can go to the prom, engage in something youthful and carefree. there's serious death and the maiden energy here? im just on a death and the maiden kick but like, baptism is typically done for babies as far as I'm aware. buffy's mom is reading buffy's apprehension about the dance as a frivolous teenage concern. but both lottie and buffy can't just be the maiden, they both need to get in touch with something darker and hungrier.

they're also both physically led into their baptism/drowning by an innocent? buffy by the anointed one and lottie by laura lee

there's even a slight costuming similarity here as well? laura lee's cardigan is the same shape of garment as the anointed one's sweatjacket.

and also critically!!! this being calmly led in is so important compared to their terror!!! these baptisms are about shame they're about fear they're about the undercurrent of that thing inside you that you can't name and don't want to look at and it terrifies you because it is lurking under the surface and you can't stop it. it is coming to claim you.

but it's that both of these drownings are a CHOICE. lottie CHOOSES to embrace her spiritual ability and seek out laura lee's help, she chooses to be led into the water. (!! critically!! the same lake where they first spotted the house!! i truly do believe the house was signalling to them from the lake and like, she is returning to that place where the spirit first called to her). and buffy is CHOOSING to follow the anointed one, to embrace her destiny, to embrace her demise. they are both choosing to stop being the person they were, to allow themselves to die, metaphorically or literally, to transform into the person they must become.

and this is where we come back to the dark moon lilith of it all!!! letting go of the self, of the ego!!! accepting the powerlessness of the psyche and letting what we must become flow into us!!!! it's sacrifice!!! someone stop me before i start talking about the hanged man in the tarot except no i have to talk about it hi

literally it is about going willingly to your death, it is about giving up power, giving yourself up to a greater force you don't fully understand!! it's being upside down / entering into the subteranean / into the underworld, and because you are now below, now reversed, you can emerge with new knowledge !!!!! the halo of light around the hanged man's head!! the candles in both images!! the way lottie sees laura lee's head in a blaze of light in her vision!!

the hanged man also fits into the powerlessness of drowning specifically, being lost in the water. the way this works for lottie's drowning specifically!! the way that in her physical body lottie is being held up by laura lee the whole time, but in her mind's eye she is drowning, she is falling somewhere deep below, she is dying and being reborn!! she is the hanged man!! simultaneously suspended with no power and also being held and protected by the hands of laura lee / the ties binding the hanged man's feet to the tree

the fact that their being pulled up / revived also occurs from a trusted friend who is pure of heart and who loves them (laura lee & xander)

there's also the fact that both drownings connect to this primordial creature who very much seems like the lord of this place

the way yellowjackets is so consciously (imo) engaging with w*ndigo lore, the way the w*ndigo is linked to the stag, the way the stag is inhabiting and melding with lottie to make her the antler queen, is calling to her, engaging with her. the way the master is also animalistic, has batlike features. is linked to buffy in prophecy, physically needs to use her blood to escape his prison. the way slayers and vampires are two sides of the same physiological and mystical coin. the way the master now has buffy's blood inside of him. the way you could argue the force that is compelling the yellowjackets has lottie's blood now, from when she bashed her forehead against the window.

they both enter into this subterranean place and become more like this creature. buffy leaves having died, having this metaphysical similarity to vampires. lottie leaves with even stronger visions, having this metaphysical link to the force that haunts the woods.

there's also!! the religious aspect!!

the master is physically being imprisoned in an old gothic church. laura lee is using explicitly christian language to baptize lottie. but both lottie and buffy touch something older than christianity, they both are engaging with forces arguably much more pagan and ancient. buffy enters into a church and is fed on by a demon, arises from that church on some level undead, a new strength coursing through her, a strength she picked up in the underworld. lottie touches the divine in an intentionally christian ceremony. but it feels like the christianity is more like this tether, this stepping stone, that is letting her access something beyond herself. it's a ritual tool to gain access to the spirit world, and once she's there, the thing she's touching isn't christian at all. and she too emerges from the underworld with a new, ancient strength.

i can't actually tell what lottie's necklace is here (i'd be curious if anyone else has a better screencap of what the pendant is!) but still like, silver necklaces, christian context

you can even see it in their eyes, when they awake, return from the water, return from their trips to the underworld. they are not the girls they were and never will be again. their knowledge has changed them. they've entered into their literal or figurative subconsciouses, touched death, touched transformation. they've gone willingly into their deaths and awoken as something else !!!!

tl;dr — death and the maiden death and the maiden death and the maiden!!!!!!!! lottie and buffy enter into their subconsciouses, into the underworld, and die!! and emergy something new !!! all while existing specifically within the paradigm of girlhood and its powerlessness its purity its hunger its fear its youth!! death and the maiden!!!!!!!! death and the maiden!!!!!! persephone!!!!!!!!! death and the maiden death and the maiden!!!!!!!

[plan-d-to-i]

I like the idea of LQR creating the "No one should go near WWX" rule and carving it on the wall of rules out of pettiness... and no one following it. It's the only rule the Lan disciples don't follow. The older Lans, the ones similar to LQR who are clutching their pearls and having a hard time adapting to WWX, are the only ones who follow it. I think at that point, with every Lan disciple not even following the rule, it gets tedious assigning them lines or handstands. Especially since WWX is a great teacher and a treasure trove of knowledge and this is how the older Lans end up also ignoring the rule.

There is the first instance of LQR eating his own words and goes near WWX to discuss theoretical techniques towards musical cultivation and later furiously writes down the clan rules to "cleanse" the encounter. Except, given that WWX is a literal genius and LQR is a scholar at heart, he cannot NOT go near WWX and discuss cultivation matters.

That's the only time a rule gets taken out from the wall of rules. LQR is pretty much embarrassed and chagrined, but maybe that's the price to pay for realizing that WWX isn't actually that much of an "evil" person.

Hm, first of all clarifying that "don't talk to WWX or u get to write lines" is a tantrum LQR throws the day of the Banquet and not a rule on the wall of rules- that is fanon.

Ok moving on, naturally it's a fic so you can write whatever you want! (ᵔ◡ᵔ) I deeply appreciate anyone being forced to realize what a special person WWX is, however while LQR can certainly be petty, and it definitely burns him that of all people WWX got his most carefully cared for cabbage nephew, putting a rule like that on the wall of rules feels a bit odd. It would make the Lan Clan look silly and foolish for one. It would also cause LWJ to lose face that his husband is being treated in this way so officially by his Clan... And I think those are nonnegotiable to LQR. Even as pained as he is at the family banquet, because WWX doesn't break any of the rules he doesn't actually say anything :

One’s taste was determined partly by one’s region of origin, partly by one’s innate nature. In Wei Wuxian’s case, his tastes were decidedly marked, he enjoyed eating spicy and the lack of meat displeased him. Faced with these bland dishes, he lost all appetite. After two or three of these going down his stomach without him paying attention, he was completely unable to say what he has eaten. Meanwhile, Lan Qiren’s gaze would occasionally flick in his direction, staring at him fiercely in the same way he did in the past during lectures, ready at any moment to yell his name and shout at him to get lost. But contrary to his expectations, Wei Wuxian quite uncharacteristically behaved himself. Left powerless, he had no other choice but to give up.

Under his bluster LQR cares very much for LWJ (and for LXC). I know his brand of caring can be frustrating to some, because he's very strict, but LWJ is in no doubt of his affection. I think often LQR is taken very seriously by readers, when there's a lot of humor in how he's portrayed. I mean MXTX could've put his home anywhere in the big ass Cloud Recesses but she chose to put it where WangXian can wreck his sleep w their 🌶 times lol.

[bowandcurtsey]

Heyyy how are you doing?? Love your writing btw it is honestly *chef's kiss* ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Can I request something nsfw with my beautiful man the great king Julius cuz boi I'm horny for that man and ig it hard finding stuff with him, and if I do they are always short or like hc. So plsss 🥺 (I don't have any specific requirements anything I want to write for me it good 💓💞)

Have a good day 😘💖

@juliusonehole thank you for loving my writing 🥺

And yes the wizard king deserves some more love! Hope this is to your liking and could satisfy some of the Julius sama thirst! It’s really fluffy so please bear with me hehe. 

NSFW under the cut ⚠️

It wasn’t easy being the s/o of the great wizard king. Not only does he have a hectic schedule, you can’t really go on public dates because the citizens also loved your man and he would create such a crowd. To top it off, he would sometimes get so absorbed in magic that he kinda forgot about you.

Today you were waiting at a restaurant he had reserved. The reservation was for 7pm. You looked at your watch. 7:30PM. You sighed and tried calling him again, for the 5th time. No answer.

“Mind if I sit here?” A low and deep unfamiliar voice spoke to you. You look up to see a tall, dark haired man. He was wearing a white shirt rolled up to his muscular forearms.

You gulped at his chiseled jawline. “Uh.. I’m actually waiting for someone..” 

“Oh no worries, me too. We could just have a harmless chitchat until our friends arrive, if you don’t mind?” His smile was gentle and alluring. “A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be left all alone waiting..” 

You bit your bottom lip slightly. “well.. sure I guess, a harmless chit chat wouldn’t hurt anyone” you beckoned for him to take a seat.

You start engaging in small chats with this stranger, whom you learnt that his name is Kuro. He wasn’t from this country, just here for a business trip and was actually waiting for his business partner who was still stuck in a meeting. 

Time flew by as you were conversing with this mysterious man. You couldn’t deny, he was indeed charming and comfortable to speak with. You didn’t even realise your boyfriend coming in to the restaurant.

“Oh Honey, sorry to keep you waiting~” He cooed. As soon as he saw Kuro, his facial features twitched for that nano second that nobody could have noticed. He smiled, eyes fixed on the tall man as Kuro stood up to shake hands with him. “Is this your friend, honey? Didn’t know you were meeting someone besides me.”

“Err. Meet Kuro, we met like an hour ago, he’s waiting for his friends too.” You turned to Kuro, “Kuro, meet Julius, he’s the wizard king of the clover kingdom”

Julius winced a little, you seldom told strangers of his status, you both must have gone quite personal.

“Honoured to be in your presence, king” he bowed a little, “Now, I must excuse myself and not disturb your date y/n, do contact me again whenever you feel like.” He smiled at you and he left. 

You exchanged your contacts?

-------------------------------------------

“I’m sorry for being so late y/n...” The wizard king took the seat that Kuro sat in.

“It’s okay..” you smiled, “I’m glad I got to make a new friend today.”

Julius felt bitterness puncturing straight through his gut and in one of the most rarest moment of his life, he felt powerless and helpless to do anything.  

You both ate your dinner just making small talks, and being oblivious to your jealous boyfriend, you mentioned about Kuro a few times. 

He noticed how your eyes lit up a little when you mentioned that stranger’s name and in contrary, you failed to realised how his jaws clenched a little hearing that man’s name. 

-------------------------------------------

The moment the doors closed shut in your shared room, the blonde man enveloped you into a tight embrace from the back. 

“I’m really sorry y/n. I know I’ve been neglecting you time and time again.” Julius whispered into your ears. “I promise to be a better man to you, please don’t give up on us.”

You swore you could hear his voice break a little. “Baby? what are you talking about?” you tried you break free of his hold to face him, but he had you wrapped in his arms like vice. 

“Do you regret being with me?” he said softly. “Do you ever wish you could have a man that could spend more time by your side?”

“Oh Honey...” You finally realised what this was about. You sighed a little wondering how blessed you were to call the wizard king your man. Yet, he’s here afraid of losing you? You’re one lucky woman, y/n. You smiled at the thought of that. 

“You have no idea how much I love you Julius.” You said it slowly and clearly, ensuring that he heard every word right. You squeezed the strong forearms around your waist. “I really do. So so so much.”

His grip loosen a little so you could turn around to face him. His purple orbs laced with red streaks, looking straight at you. The confident and cheery man you knew wasn’t there; in his place was a man that was vulnerable. His expression was of despair, melancholy and doubtful, simultaneously. 

You held his face carefully in his hands, “I know sometimes another man may have my attention, but I can promise you that you’ll always have my heart.” You pulled him in for a deep passionate kiss. 

Julius caressed you, intertwining his fingers with your hair, his tongue invaded your mouth returning the kiss with more passion and intensity. 

You pulled his coat off his shoulders and he let it slip onto the floor. He took the cue to remove your jacket and carry you onto the long glass dining table. He broke off from the kiss, his forehead rested on yours. “I don’t like another man getting your attention as well y/n..” he said in a low and dark tone, his purple eyes now turned lustful.

He kneeled down to remove your heels and pressed kisses from your toes and made his way up. Slowly tracing the skin of your legs with his fingers. He parted your legs slightly, just enough so that his lips could press onto your inner thighs, sending cold shivers down your spine. Nobody knew all your sweet spots like this man did. “I know I always leave you waiting, I promise to spend more time with you from now..”

He pushed your skirt up, his mouth at your cloth entrance. He licked at your cunt over your seamless panty, earning a little mewl from you as you now rested on your elbows.

He put one of your leg over his shoulders and pushed the other one away, further exposing your sex to his face. His fingers pulled your panty apart and you could feel his warm breath on your soaking entrance. His mouth started working it’s magic, licking, sucking and thrusting into your hole.

You couldn’t hold back your moans as they left your throat lustily. One hand gripped onto the back of his head, pushing his face into your cunt as you felt your impending orgasm.

He dipped two digits into you effortlessly, curving, scissoring and thrusting inside you while his tongue was still on your sore and sensitive buds.

Your high came and washed over you; momentarily your mouth formed an O and you were frozen in silence before sputtering chains of compliments for your men. “You’re so fucking good baby,”

He wiped some of your arousal from his nose with his fingers and licked it. “And you taste so good, my queen.”

He pulled you towards the edge of the table and towered over you, smashing his licks against yours as you tasted your own cum.

He removed whatever piece of clothing that was covering him and pulled down your panties, throwing them somewhere.

He pulled down the dress so that your boobs were exposed and he pulled back from the kiss, looking at you from head to your exposed pussy. He licked his lips, “I really want to stop time for abit here so I could enjoy this beautiful view longer.”

Your face flushed a little but you found your fingers tracing his face, down to his chest and his defined abs.. “I’m all yours wizard king.” You spoke so softly it was almost a whisper but Julius heard it loud and clear. His eyes widen and he had to clench his teeth in fear that his heart might just burst into insanity at your words.

He positioned his tip at your entrance and shoved all the way in, balls deep into you and a cry escaped your throat from the sudden intrusion and stretching of your walls. But as his hips started rocking and slamming into you, all you felt was ecstasy. Sweet pleasure from being filled deep by his cock, reaching areas that only he could. “Ah! Jul- Oh!” Your words were incoherent now as you became a blabbering mess of lewd noises.

Your sweet spot was being rubbed against repeatedly, sending waves of rapture all over your body. Your core started to clench, your high towering over the horizon.

Julius loved all of this. He loved every obscene noise your mouth made, watching your breast bounce up and down from him banging you, watching your arousal dripping from your thighs , feeling your pussy clench tightly around his member.

Everything because and for him. It sends him into a frenzy. “Baby, be a good girl and cum for me will you?” His strong arms clutched tightly to your sides, thrusting into you mercilessly.

Hearing him talk dirty to you was your last straw as you came hard, crying out his name over and over as he rode you through your high. Your fingers dug into his chest as the knot in your core releasing like a spring being coiled up. Your body twitched as your muscles went limp slowly.

His thrusts were sloppier and faster now, indicating his imminent release. “You taste so good, look so good and you fucking feel so good. No other man is going to feel this except me, understand?” He grunted, “only I can cum into you baby.”

“Yes...” you whined breathlessly, your cunt throbbing from the overstimulation. “Please cum in me” you begged.

His warm seeds filled you as he moaned out loud. He slammed into you 2 to 3 more times, releasing his load into you until you were full of him cum and spilling more all over the floor.

He fell into the nook of your neck, both of you panting breathlessly. After a few moments, he pulled out and both of you slowly got up.

He cradled you in his chest, “oh dear, what a mess we made here...” And lifted you up effortlessly, “let’s head to the bed instead~”

“H-huh?! Bed??” You cried out in surprise. “Baby, we’re all sweaty and dirty right now..”

“Oh baby,” the wizard king cooed to you, “I’m not done with you yet, I’ll have to make up for all the lost time I missed with you, we’ll get even dirtier anyway..”

-end-

I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS. @3@

You have an extremely nice and guuud day too 💓

[spice-chan]

I love you stories! If you don't mind will you create a yandere Bakugo or Shoto or Dabi story about very ticklish darling, so she never stop squirming and laughing when they touch her or trying to kissed her neck ��� your stories are so so so well written and detail, I love them. I feel like read professionally written novel than just any other simple fiction 😊🙏🏻

Firsy, thank you very much for reading and enjoying my stories, you’re so sweet 😳😭🥺

I hope you like this, the yandere theme isn’t very prevelant because the ask was so sweet that it turned out sorta cute more then stabby 🔪. @aprilfanfan

Yan?bakugou x fem!reader

Word count: 717

Warnings: steamy 🥵, no real nsfw but it’s steamy at the end. You can’t really tell if bakugou is proper yan except in a moment at the end. Tickling.

.............

Bakugo was lazing around with you on the couch on Sunday when he made an interesting discovery.

“Suki. No !” You squealed when he smirked devilishly and attempted to grab you from the other side of the couch.

“Come on. Don't tell me you're scared ?!” He threw his head back as boisterous laughter bubbled out. You clenched your jaw, your expression a mirror of the rageful one your husband often sported.

“Scared of you ? As if.” You scoffed condescendingly. Hook, line, and sinker.

“Oh, yeah ?” He smiled, akin to a predator ready to pounce on its prey. He slowly got closer, his hands flexed and fingers pointy, claws ready to mangle said prey. Your legs shook, willing you to bolt, to run, run, run. But your pride prevailed.

“Yeah.”

And that’s when he tackled you, his huge hand that often dwarfs your own and makes you feel tiny and weak in comparison to him makes an appearance, taking hold of both your delicate hands while his other remaind free to rain its assualt on your body. The body that turned out to be rich of sensitive spots and zones.

You stared in horror as he captured you. What were you expecting really ? Dumbasss. You chided, having fallen right into his trap. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Before you can retaliate with any drastic actions, his claws came down on you.

You doubled down in laughter, unable to do anything but thrash fruitlessly in his arms while he tickled you maniacly.

“No-no-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence as your own laughter cut you of “-stop-you’d better-“ his hand worked twice as hard now, leaving you gasping for breath”-stop.” He pushed you down into the couch, your hands still cage in his own and legs now rendered powerless as he put the weight of his mighty own on them, trapping them between his muscled thighs as he effectively roped you with his body.

“Not stopping until you say the magic word princess. And you’d better say it nicely.”

You tried, you really did, but with you unable to breath and face flushed from lack of oxygen and fluster, pleas that rarely left your mouth tumbled out carelessly and desperately.

“Please- please.” You said, now really desperate to breath while he continued tickling you. “Please, Suki.” You said again, and Katsuki’s face turned red as well from the breathless tone paired with your teary and flushed face, looking up at him urgently. His hand halted and you gasped for breath. You looked… lewd. Certain ideas and images started invading Katsuki’s head, unwillingly.

“Good. Was that so hard ?” You pouted in response, your breath still audible as your body compensated for the oxygen it was robbed of.

Your eyes widened a fraction when his cherry red face came closer to your own, but instead of kissing you, he pivoted and went to your ear.

“Now, let me show you how I can treat your sensitive body in a way you’d love.” He whispered huskily, flustering you with his boldness. When did he get so— so very bold and sensual. You squeezed your thighs together a fraction, an aching started to form.

“Show me what you got.” You said, sounding commanding and authoritative, but on the inside, you were mush. That's all he needed to move towards you adorable and ticklish little neck to give it soft kitten licks that send shivers and teasing stimulations down your spine, so profound that you could feel pleasure on the tips of your toes. His powerful jaw clamped around your sweet spot, but contrary to his capabilities, he was quite gentle, sucking the skin with the intent to please. The lewd sounds he produced so close to your ear were making heat pool between your thighs, the feeling of him stimulating such a sensitive spot not lost on you as your hands buried and his hair and your mouth opened to let out a soft, almost inaudible moan.

“You liked that ? Of course you did. They’ll be more where that came from, baby.”

[ilchohand]

Ichidai San vs Seidou: Koshien Aftereffects

@ Anon-san, here's the essay haha!

I've officially watched the Ichidai San vs Seidou match for the fourth time last night. My adrenaline was so high, I couldn't sleep until 3am that I ended up wanting to unleash all these feelings for this show.

Daiya, Act II ep 13

And I kid you not. I'm writing 'bout everyone in Seidou.

Coach Kataoka & Ochiai

Let's start with Boss. I'd like to reiterate that he always had high hopes for Eijun.

Daiya, Act I ep 5

He placed Eijun in the first string even when the boy was still shit with his form, his control, and zero baseball knowledge. Even Osaka Kiryuu's coach implied that it's actually Eijun who is Kataoka's secret weapon.

I remember him even letting Eijun pitch against Raichi during the batter's next at-bat against Eijun. That was cleary a sign that he was starting to trust Eijun. But clearly Eijun wasn't still good enough back then. Kataoka knew of Eijun's potential, it's just that he didn't expect him to grow soooo fast. Eijun was bound to get there someday, but not this soon. However, seeing Furuya's pitching in Koshien, he too was blinded by it since he was desperate for a real ace with an impact. Of course you'd wanna parade your pitcher like that. This is where Ochiai enters the picture. (If you've ever felt personally victimized by Ochiai, please raise your hand! ✋) Kidding. Ochiai was shit during his introduction. It took a long time to warm up to him, but he was an essential addition to the coaching staff. Kataoka, although tough is more of a feeling kind of coach. While Ochiai takes information at face value. Clearly in the Ichidai game, Ochiai was the one who was practical even suggesting that Eijun's pitching is more effective (even though he likes Furuya as a pitcher more). Kataoka was blind, and it was glaring. Why? You see the other teams were watching. And every single coach of the teams Seidou played against with is wary of Sawamura- even Inashiro's Coach Kunitomo. Eijun is the kid who rallied Seidou to one out away into reaching Summer Koshien- during his first freaking year.

This is why I really like it when Ochiai said Kataoka is human afterall. I guess Kataoka also has some growing up to do.

I'd like to add that these two coaches were blinded by the Koshien performance that they didn't even notice that Furuya's form was crumbling. Quoting these reddit posts, the coaching staff was purely after results. If it's not broken, don't try to fix it. We all gotta say thank you to baseball jesus, Chris-senpai, for we won't be having this problem with Eijun.

Furuya

Contrary to people saying Furuya became selfish, I feel like he actually knew what his role is and the expectations from him. He never once lost the goal to win Nationals. It's just that, he didn't know how to actually do it. He was chasing his best performance. He didn't want to be Japan's #1 pitcher for the title you know. He wanted to be the top pitcher to bring his team to the top.

Let's accept it. Despite being a monster rookie, he shouldered the ace number prematurely. Of course the weight of it would one day catch up to him. This is why the phrase 'There are no shortcuts.' keeps being reiterated in the story. I felt bad for Furuya so much. This phase of his baseball life is pretty parallel to Eijun's yips arc.

Eijun

How do I even start with our ball of sunshine? He really puts relief in 'relief pitching'. Such a refreshing player. Woah, like Sanada Shunpei. Yes we know that an ace carries the whole team, we know that an ace saves the team during a pinch, and an ace uplifts the overall mood. Already sounds like Eijun right? We know the role of an ace and how an ace should perform towards the team. What the Ichidai San match highlighted is how a team, in response, acts towards the ace. Trust. It really slapped me in the face the same way it frustrated Eijun. The extreme difference in trust given to an ace versus a relief pitcher.

This was the turning point for Eijun. Probably why I love rewatching it despite the angst. (For a more painful experience, try rewatching the episode before the Ichidai San match 🤭🔪🦝) Anyway, during that scene where Kataoka was dumbstruck with Eijun's top tier pitching I kept remembering that one quote from HQ by the U19 coach--

"We don't look for them, but that doesn't matter. They come to us with solid, undeniable strength and they make us choose them."

Literally screams SAWAMURA EIJUN!!!

Miyuki Kazuya

Where should I stab him? (Ya'll stop taking me seriously when I say stab okay?) I've been saying this all the time but our personality is the same. It's nasty. I love him and hate him at the same time okay?

Anyway, I hope we're all aware and agree that Miyuki also saw Eijun's potential from day 1. Sakuhin shit right there. Miyuki likes interesting people or happenings. This guy played catch with noob Eijun during his day-off! Offered, in fact. (Act 1, ep 5 during that intra squad game of 2nd/3rd yrs vs 1st yrs).

May I also add! Chris didn't like Eijun in the beginning. It was Miyuki who ended up covincing Chris to look at Eijun clearly and say "to a catcher, he's the most interesting kind of pitcher". However, this boy has his first string duties so it was understandable that he focused on Furuya for a while. But what's unacceptable is, during Ichidai's game, he was guilty of prioritizing Furuya over the game. This is 99% on Kataoka but 1% on Miyuki. Bitch you were losing and you couldn't even send distress signals to the coach. He trusted Furuya because of the Koshien performance and the ace number when a whole ass Sawamura Eijun exists. That's why he was quite guilty when Eijun dropped the 'trust' word on him during the switch.

And while I like that Eijun's performance during the Ichidai San match was eye opening to the catcher, I still haven't forgiven Miyuki for the day before the game when he 'ditched' or put Ei on the back burner. No, no. I'm not simply being a bitch about it because we know Miyuki's POV at that point. He needed to figure out what's wrong with Furuya and a match was looming. He didn't throw Eijun away, he just put him off a few hours. What I'm angry about is the way he put it to Eijun.

We all know Eijun is dying for some Miyuki acknowledgement. I'm pretty sure Miyuki is so unaware of this fact. Which brings me to the point. Miyuki is unaware of how his words come across to Eijun. How it impacts the little pitcher. That a simple jab to Eijun like "ace-sama wants to pitch" is a big sore spot. We see this later at night when Eijun keeps repeating, "Since I'm already put at the back burner!". Miyuki was being sarcastic about the ace-sama thing. But you see, Eijun is a big idiot. He takes everything at face value. Miyuki even brushes it off as they practice catch, "You're still angry about that?" he jokes.

And whooosh, everything's okay! Or is it?

You may say I'm being dramatic about it. But no. Here's why. During the Ichidai match, Eijun flashes back to two things. One, while on the bullpen frustrated that Furuya's messing up, he recalls the day before when Miyuki chose to catch for Furuya even though he promised to Eijun. (The other one, at his at-bat, he remembers when Kataoka didn't let him pitch the last inning.) So what seems to be a simple nasty joke to Miyuki is a sore spot to Eijun. I have observed this time and time again, but Eijun is quick to under value himself, and these jokes Miyuki pulls aren't helping. Recall that crippled Sawamura self deprecating joke he did, and him saying he was put in the back burner.

(Well anyway, Miyuki was praising Eijun in his mind the night before so I'm appeased. This is one of those TJ inconsistencies I hate, but okay, that's another post. ☹️)

Everything got better after the Ichidai game. Because as Eijun made Kataoka look at him properly. He also did the same to Miyuki. Eijun's performance just screamed, "I'm here. I'm ready!" It lit a fire to everyone in Seidou.

Fielders/Batters

I want to end my long ass post with a good one. I wanna highlight the team's performance during the Ichidai game.

While Furuya was pitching, I could go as far as say the fielder's were baby-ing him. They were so soft and encouraging because they knew Furuya when he is at his best and that it was off day during that time. The fielders were playing primarily to relieve Furuya's pressure.

In contrast, when Eijun was playing on the mound do you guys know how the batters felt? Kanemaru? Kuramochi? Utter frustration and hopelessness. And I was giddy as fuck when that happened. Because Eijun was performing his best, but they couldn't get any runs in response to his amazing pitching. It mothafuckin felt so good watching them feel powerless.

Don't you love this whole match? Obviously I do haha! If you guys ended up reading everything, then thank you! I really wrote this for myself because I was overwhelmed while rewatching it. 😅

[maryonmega]

High heels clicking against the floor, biting down on her own fingers, tugging at her hair, nothing seemed to ground her, all seemed to help the spiral.

(Frostbite, infection, drowning, cancer)

Or maybe she didn't really want to stop spiraling. After all, it muffled the crying that still rung inside her head.

The thought made the hand tugging do so harder, and even than it felt like fuel.

(Frostbite, infection, drowning, cancer)

She was powerful, she knew it. It was what her mom called her when persuating to make herself a medic person. Yes, powerful, and book smart later, but she was only human. Her list existed to not let her forget.

(Frostbite, infection, drowning, cancer)

(The confusion is still better than knowing for sure that for the lad it doesn't make any difference)

There's always lessons in failures, isn't that what aunt Darmater always said? Hubris is the bane of one who could use them. Own your failures, see where you failed, figure out why, and you'll come out of it wiser.

(Bro would be very wise by now)

But, how can she take a lesson in one she can't even tell if it was her failure or not?

(No luck, was what the poor kid had. War is war, but bombarding a block of pretty much only civilians? Horrid)

She had some fault in the other four. She had to regornize it. She couldn't help with her sister's frostbitten wings, so they were lost. She couldn't help her friend with the fungal infection on her hand, so it was lost. She didn't know a thing about helping out with drowning, so she was pretty much powerless, and a life was lost. Same with the lass with lung cancer - what can any treatment do against something so advanced?

But what could be done, specially in constant overloading, about glitching out?

(I did cure his eyes. But he lost them anyway. Lost them after having them saved, because of a danmed condition)

There's always lessons in failures, but what lesson to take from here?

(No excuses, it's still a failure. You were too young and weak when Mili's wings got frostbite, just because one factor was out of reech doesn't make it any less of one)

(Frostbite, infection, drowning, cancer, crashing)

Oh, gods, make this feeling wrong. Make the feeling she'll have much more than five itens by the time peace comes around.

Harder, harder, making her head tilt and her teeth make shallow cracks in the tips of the bones.

What grounded her wasn't either of the pains, but a heavy hand over her head.

"You're making ME dizzy, Nebby"

She didn't need to turn around to feel the familiar gaze over her.

"If something's in your mind, you can talk, y'know? I may not have advice but venting can help you"

"It's irrelevant, I'm just full of energy"

"No one is full of energy after two days of barely any rest"

The weight in her head felt worse with every worse, so she finally decided to face the second born.

Orion's oddly shaped eyes stared down at her behind gray hair, the concern not showing as much as would with most people but she learn to see it through the years. The dragonfly man wasn't a healer like his big brother or little sisters, quite contrary - he could made people witter like unwatered flowers. Had him not have sequels from a concussion no doubt he would have been dragged to fight too.

But she knew they couldn't count on this forever, not when regardless someone who can make someone else bedridden for weeks in hours is still very useful, and it scared her.

"It happened again... It's one of the harder parts of this sort of work, isn't it? You can't help everyone..."

"I suppose" a pair of thin arms warped around her torso, claw-like fingertips gently caressing her galaxy hair "you need sleep"

"I can't sleep"

"You can. At least try"

She felt vibration coming from the hard torso, a little slower in the left side, but soothing nonetheless.

"When will learn the thing? To just 'sorta let go'?"

"I don't know, but you'll have to."

"Easier said than done"

"Isn't that just everything this year?"

[nothingtherefornow]

Okay ^_^ thanks for the reply :) the "I'm terrified of being powerless so I'm gonna obtain more power by any means necessary, and make power feel powerless so I won't be the one in this position" thing does fit Xehanort's character, because at the end of KH3 its clear that his ambitions comes from a hate/fear of lacking control in a world where darknesses could end consuming everything without anyone being able to stop it. So Xehanort solution : control everything and everyone so he doesn't have to fear anything anymore. Its doesn't justify nor excuse Xehanort's actions, quite the contrary, wanting to inflict on others a cruel position and feeling he himself experienced and despised, it makes him more hateful, and weak.

Thinking goodness is a weakness is one of the stupidiest thing ever, because it's much easier to be mean than to be nice, it takes more effort than we think to stay a good person in a world where it's easy to give in to the "I'm gonna hurt others before they hurt me" mentality. Conclusion, Xehanort should look into a mirror, and see that the weak and dumb one is him.

I always disliked people who would inflict on others the pain they once felt because they don't know how to cope otherwise. For example I grew up with parents who, because they each had a difficult relationship with one of their parents, always made sure not to treat me and my sisters the same way their parents treated them. And in that reguard, I really like Tsuki's character who kinda reflect this mentality of "I went through that pain, so I'm gonna make sure you never experience that same pain". Or so I think ?

Another question if that doesn't bother you. Since Keys to the Kingdom lore has some differences from the canon lore, does that mean the Master of masters goals may be different ? We know from canon that his long-term goal is to defeat or permanently neutralize Darkness with a capital D, but does the Darkness entity and its 13 incarnations also exist in Keys to the Kingdom ?

Question about KttK Xehanort

Hello Minijenn ^^ first of all I love your fanfics and you arts, and I wanted to ask your opinion about something reguarding Xehanort’s character. Do you remember what Young Xehanort said to the Master of masters during his flashback in KH3 Re:Mind ? “Those who are weak and who desire greater power, simply strip the strong of their power, and convince themselves they’ve earned it”

Your keys to the kingdom Sora seems to detain a great power that KttK Xehanort covets to the point of enslaving his own grandson in heart, body and soul, in order to steal this power that makes Sora “more powerful than Xehanort could ever hope to be”, while the old geezer thinks he’s more deserving of it than Sora. Given those facts, Xehanort is basically doing what he reproached the people corrupted by darkness to do, isn’t he ? He’s power hungry and trying to strip someone stronger than him from their power and is convincing himself he’s worthy of this power.

Thus would you agree that Keys Xehanort is an absolute hypocrite if his canonical conversation with MoM still took place and mainly remained the same in keys to the kingdom ? 

Hi! First of all thanks! Second of all mm… Keys doesn’t really follow Re:Mind, so that conversation between MoM and YX (which I haven’t watched literally since Re:Mind came out tbh so I barely even remember it) is quite different. We’ll see what transpired during that convo… eventually, but suffice to say I doubt Keys Xehanort would really ever say such a thing. His approach is more… “obtain power by any means necessary” because he’s terrified of being powerless, so he makes others around him powerless (like what he does to Sora) instead. He does think he’s more worthy of that power than Sora though, simply because Sora is just (in his eyes), a dumb kid who’s way too weak (or what the normal person would call it: good) to use that power the way Xehanort wants to use it (aka Sora wouldn’t abuse it, Xehanort would, and Xehanort thinks he’s justified in doing so).

[invinciblerodent]

The Liam criticism is definitely unfair. And yeah, I HAVE seen people cite Cullen as abusive and being menacing for his outbursts. Usually these claims weren't supported by much evidence but people will make a lot of excuses and invent flaws for characters they just don't like. I actually see some similarities between the "Liam has anger issues" and the "Cullen's PTSD makes him dangerous" crowds in that they latch on to one factor and exaggerate it to ridiculous levels.

Pt 2. People in this fandom are also quick to flat out DENY that cullen has a mental illness so they can paint his outbursts as coming out of nowhere and being a sign of abusiveness. (I don’t even like cullen but the ableism is real). So it doesn’t remotely shock me that they wanna rip Liam apart over literally nothing. And yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it is just racism but I bet it’s also because he’s “Boring het, human, boyfriend.”

((Disclaimer, this is a very delicate seesaw of sensitive issues that we are balancing on, essentially contrasting and comparing speculations about the perceptions of mental illness and race -two things only one of which do I have personal experience with-, and I already apologize if I come off as ignorant, or overly clinical in my musings about these things. You guys know I never mean to offend, and please, don’t hesitate to tell me if something I say is hurtful or offensive.))

Okay, full disclosure- I like Cullen just fine. I think that he is an interestingly imperfect character with a fascinating and quite subtle arc that draws a througline in the background of two games, and is then brought to an equally imperfect climax in the third. I don’t have any complaints about it per se, I just recognize that it isn’t without aspects about which to think critically.

Which is precisely it: I feel that it cannot be ignored that most players who are vocal in that discussion, harbor feelings of distaste as per the result of their experience in previous games, and them not being satisfied with the fact that he gets a “redemption arc”. (Which, tbh, I think is an oversimplification, but that’s really not what this is about.)

You are right that many of the sources that paint Cullen as abusive or dangerous either ignore his struggles with mental health issues and paint him as an “asshole without a cause”, OR they villify mental illness to a disgusting (and, imo, in itself frightening) degree- That latter is what seems to be more common, which in and of itself is iffy. But the point is, I don’t recall ever having heard the words “anger issues” in relation to Cullen. His anger is pretty much always perceived as a result of many different factors and symptoms working together, a complexity which use of the term “anger issues” denies.

Using that term pushes the outward manifestation of emotional distress into the middle of the stage in a way that is unlike mentions of anger as a symptom of other mental illnesses. Linguistically speaking, by stating that it is about ANGER, it emphasizes the danger the person suffering from the illness in question poses to others, rather than the suffering of the person themself.

We are already talking context, in which case I cannot stress enough that the history of the representations of black men’s anger in media is… well. That has a HELL of a truckload of baggage.

The thing in, at the end of the day, both Cullen’s and Liam’s actions are, in context, reasonable human reactions. 

Anger is something that is born from fear (of the death of the self or others), from sadness, from guilt or shame (be it the stigma of addiction or feeling like one is the direct reason for the suffering of others), from disappointment (like plans not working out as intended and having grave consequences for innocent people), or feelings of powerlessness and pain. It is a perfectly natural human emotion, an outward manifestation of extreme emotional distress and frustration, and making a pathological case out of it on the basis of one or two instances (in which the person is clearly under extreme emotional duress) is simply an exaggeration.

It is the way we, as a fandom, talk about those reactions and the way we frame them either as resultative or causative (ie. whether the anger is attributed to a more complex source or it in itself serving as the identifier of its source) are what show a racialised overtone.

In no other case is Liam shown as having a temper, he is an easygoing, extroverted, caring young man (”Side effect of giving a shit”) with a good sense of humor, a desire to make meaningful connections with others (as, and I have mentioned this before, he is very much alone in the galaxy, and as a result of that, lonely as balls), and a casual approach that can result in a couple of instances in which his foot ends up in his mouth. He’s quick to express emotion, be it fondness, amusement, displeasure, or, yeah, even frustration, after which he is equally as quick to return to being his usual, easygoing self.

Taking one instance of anger and thinking of it as the norm of a person’s behavior while ignoring all other nuance and evidence of the contrary, especially in the case of a young black man, to me just reeks of racism. 

For Chrissakes, I’m going to stand on whatever rooftop is high enough, and shout let black men be angry without pathologizing their emotions as many times as it takes.

((Of course, side note, with the Mass Effect fandom there is also the whole thing with humans vs. aliens which I think stems from our preconceived notions about groups of people transferring well onto human characters and not so well onto aliens… frankly I think that placing alien characters on a pedestal is, in and of itself, horribly exotifying and the reason so many of them seem to get a free pass is because they get to be seen without the labels of human sexual-, gender-, or racial identity, but that’s a whole other topic.))