#I don't even want to go out anymore :( | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sebandlewis · 2 years ago

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#im so done #i really really don't want to be here #every year something happens around my birthday which just destroys my mood completely #i just wanted one drama free day to at least go out and have a nice meal but no #can't even have that #i don't even want to go out anymore #i just want to get away from here #i feel so lonely #fucks sake #delete later probably #idk #fuck #im so fuck

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teaboot · 3 months ago

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you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy

It's my first time here and I'm never coming back

#I wanted to write something long and poetic and meaningful #About how I used to be suicidal #And sometimes still get that way #But still find wonder and joy in things #And have just learned to hold on tighter #But like #It's so much simpler than that #I don't believe in reincarnation #Or an afterlife #But I see things every day that are amazing #Things people can do with their hands #Animals I never could have imagined #New food and skills and art and music #And I just remember #Oh yeah #I'm new here #I've never done this before #The universe is infinite and I'm just a speck #And I'm never gonna be able to see it all even if I tried to #And when I'm dead it'll be too late #It's like having ten minutes in a museum before it gets demolished forever with everything in it #I've never been alive before but now I am and it'll be over soon #I'm never coming back #I'm just a tiny piece that gets to think and feel for a while before it's over #It's my very first time living and I'm never coming back #I'm gonna stop existing soon #I'm not gonna have feelings anymore #So what do I wanna do #What do I wanna see before the lights go out

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thekittyokat · 9 months ago

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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

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gummi-ships · 3 months ago

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Kingdom Hearts 2 - The Underworld

#kingdom hearts 2 #kh2 #the underworld #olympus coliseum #scenery #my gif #i used noclip for that first gif even though i don't like to use it to make posts anymore #i just really wanted to get a cool shot from the entrance lol #still a very useful website go check it out if you haven't already

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lovestory · 18 days ago

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hi friends, if anyone happens to be reading this, i'm just letting you know that my blog has been intentionally wiped - something i've been contemplating doing for awhile now. to be blunt, i have been overwhelmingly suicidal for a good 6 months, so considering i log off feeling worse than when i logged on more often than not, i've decided to remove myself from social media for a long while. i need to figure out how to survive the sudden downturn in my health while doing postgrad and working full time (i collapsed out of nowhere and haven't been able to walk since before christmas, i am covered head to toe in hives 24/7 which are extremely painful and won't respond to any treatment - that’s just the tip of the iceberg, but I can’t just stop working and take care of myself like i need to) sending love ❤️

#every day feels like torture and then on top of that i keep getting shit on over and over again in ways that have ruined me #i have completely isolated myself from everyone and i'm just sitting here reeling wondering how i let it all get to this point #i can't even bring myself to answer a message from anyone anymore - i don't remember the last time i talked to a friend #it feels especially difficult to be in this place because i overcame so much and i WAS happy for a good while there #i always had hope back then though - now i feel hopeless about the future #it feels embarrassing to go so far backwards when there are SO many cool things going on like being able to own a home and getting engaged #i really need to figure things out and make change and i can't do it while i'm stuck doomscrolling on multiple social media sites #which all quite frankly make me extremely miserable and don't align with where i want to go - the moral grandstanding is getting unbearable #i may publish some of the gifs in my drafts but that’s all

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gurggggleburgle · 3 months ago

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the reason why Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan can't attic wife each other in their house and never leave is that they don't have internet or anything else around to help keep them moving. I think we chalk too much of Shen Qingqiu being a super productive person post transmigration often too much to reading into things and treating his unreliable narration as fact.

But like, what is he supposed to do all if not actually go outside and talk to people and get a job. Luo Binghe needs to do things other than be a housewife for his own sanity so he doesn't cabin fever. He can't live focusing his day around a singular person being in the room its not healthy and would drive him insane. These are not overly productive constantly doing things people. These are people doing things to make sure they aren't malaise slugs feeling nothing in their day to day drudgery.

This is just what a healthy post/pre internet mental state kinda looks like.

#svsss #svsss shitpost #scumbag system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #luo binghe #bingqiu #i don't go into servers anymore or use anything but tumblr for a few hrs a day #the difference is astounding #scum villain self saving system #protagonist in isekai's don't leap to being better productive people just because they were actually always good and better than other #its because the internet is no longer sitting as a filter you can use #when you have to actually live in the real world and talk to people you have to learn to change how you approach conversation and free time #rich people in the real world aren't constantly going out to get jobs just to make daddy proud its also because they want something to do #humans are not meant to sit around doing nothing #part of the reason i think luo binghe had such an obviously bad time in the return to childhood special is he had nothing to do for months #he has no desire to play with kids #was too short to do a lot of his chores #couldn't socialize as an adult #and even his own boyfriend was too bored staying inside all the time #i don't doubt the man was dying inside wishing to turn back to normal simply because he had nothing to do

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royalarchivist · 24 days ago

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This is what it feels like every time a new SMP has streamers I like

#mod talk #This is mostly /j I will NOT be covering Cobblemon much #I love Pokemon but I'd actually like to dial things back #I don't try to watch every streamer or ever single thing in every server to know what's going on anymore #I did that for QSMP and it was fun! But it burned me out badly #For Arkanis I watched a few people but wound up just watching Pac towards the end #and for Realm I only watch like 3 - 4 people and even then only sometimes (which is pretty evident based on the long lapse in clip posting)#I like keeping things diverse content-wise #and I like including lots of different streamers in clips but this blog was never meant to be an update account #And that's sorta what it turned into during QSMP #But that's not the intention and I don't want folks to look at RA with that expectation because good god is that unrealistic #I am one person. With a 9 - 5 job might I add #Tbh I don't think anyone expects this of Royal Archivist but in case you do – here's a heads up #Your friendly neighborhood archivist is tired and taking a back seat on things #✌️#Tbh I don't think this needs an announcement which is why I'm putting this in the tags of a silly meme post #But I'd also like to nip this in the bud in case people start asking why I don't do clips of ____ server or ____ streamer #I don't watch a ton of people to begin with #I do feel bad about the Bluesky community though I really tried my best to crosspost stuff #But it wound up being a hassle trying to trim things down and make the file size tiny so I gave up because it was just so time-consuming #Anyways #TLDR: Estoy cansado jefe

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johannesviii · 3 months ago

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Inktober 2024 - Day 21 - Rhinoceros

#infinity train #alan dracula #inktober #inktober 2024 #this is my general art tag #all aboard the fanart train choo choo #ok out of the ten prompts left #there's two maybe three where I want to get ambitious #will this wreck my schedule again?#I don't even care anymore let's go let's go

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panharmonium · 3 months ago

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i am not usually interested in dramatically canon-divergent scenarios because the canon story is what compels me, but i've been obsessed with this moment ever since i re-heard it during my second viewing. from the perspective of someone who already finished the story once and now knows the truth - this was wild.

WHAT IF?

#naruto #naruto manga #pan watches naruto #team ro #WHAT was itachi thinking #i mean it's clear that he makes this 'change of plan' because he's taken aback/alarmed by how much kakashi knows #and my assumption is he wants to find out where kakashi got this intel #but for real WHAT was his long-term plan?#it is no secret that i am obsessed with the kakashi-itachi dynamic and like. this is just wild to me #especially given the timing - hiruzen just died so like. does itachi even have a contact in the village anymore?#is it *danzo*? seems nuts but.#if it is then this plan is insane. danzo doesn't love kakashi but he does respect him highly as a shinobi/an asset to the village #and i absolutely do not think he'd be willing to let itachi sacrifice a piece that powerful #was itachi just going to keep quiet about this if/when the Leaf asked where their most renowned jonin went? was he going to LIE about it?#or does the fact that hiruzen is dead mean that itachi *doesn't* have a contact in the village he trusts anymore #(hence him showing up immediately after hiruzen dies just to remind the Other Three that he's still out there)#except he didn't expect kakashi to sniff him out INSTANTLY and now he's taking him captive because...???#i don't know why #to torture him until he reveals his intel source and then kill him?#except itachi DOESN'T want to kill kakashi. that's established.#'why not just kill me? if he wanted to...he could.'#that's canon and it's GREAT and i love looking back at that very early line from much later on #knowing it's one of the pieces that clicks into place for kakashi when he's considering whether or not madara's story could be true #but anyway. itachi DOESN'T want to kill kakashi.#but if he takes him captive and doesn't want to kill him - then what???#there aren't any good answers for this because honestly i don't know that itachi's entire backstory had been planned yet #(like i think i read somewhere that kishimoto knew itachi was technically on the villlage's side from the beginning)#(but i'm not sure if all the details had been established)#in any case i remain FASCINATED

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lyxchen · 10 days ago

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She was only in 3 episodes but Ji-yeong really made such an impact for me. She is such an interesting and tragic character. Like we meet her and she is so casual and unbothered by the games where every round she could literally die. And she makes fun of the religios man and tells him that he can pray as much as he wants but he still did what he did and then we learn about her father and then it makes sense. And she asks about Sae-byeok and her family and she suggests telling each other their story because one of them is gonna die anyways but she keeps forgetting about that fact. And then she tells her story and we find out she got abused and was in prison for killing her father but can we really blame her? And she just got out of prison and I feel like she needed this. Telling somebody her story, what happened to her. She suggests they tell each other the things they could never tell anybody else and asks specific questions on purpose, like if Sae-byeok has ever seen a dead body because she knows in return she is going to be asked that same question and she listens and then she tells her own story. And then she loses on purpose for Sae-byeok. And at first she's like "come on let me have my cool moment here" but it's not cool because she's about to die and then in the end she finally shows her emotions and gets sad and says she has nothing to live for, no goals for what she's gonna do if she wins. Sae-byeok was probably the first person she got closer to in a long time and so she dies so that Sae-byeok can go on and I just think for such a small role that was only present in one third of one season making such a big impact is incredible writing and incredible acting too