#I don't even care if it ends up in the main tag anymore

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

You'd think that a civilisation that depends on sentient dragons to survive is going to come up with better descriptors & categories for said dragons than „This one's blue 🥹“ and „This one's red and has a funky tail 🥹🥹“

[beardedjoel]

smother - part i: deliverance

dark!joel x f!reader

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3 | kofi

summary: starving. lost. desperate. you find a cabin in the woods, and to your dismay, it's occupied. a plan to have a quick bite of food with an intense, intriguing stranger turns into more than you'd bargained for when he makes you realize everything you've been missing out on. 8.6k words chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI! noncon, nonconsensual touching, dubcon - reader eventually enthusiastically consents but the syndrome is stockholming so its dubcon, reader is a virgin, big juicy age gap (reader is 19, joel is 55) manipulation/lying/gaslighting, slow burn and tension building chapter, joel is kind of a creepy menace ngl a/n: i'm so so very excited to share the first chapter of my new series! (if this flops after how much i got hyped for it i will be logging off forever) the themes in this story are dark so if the tags aren’t for you it’s understandable & just keep scrollin on by! this will end up being nasty and smutty, but only after a wee bit of buildup so don't fear. comments and reblogs are always beyond appreciated!

Save me. Please, anyone…

Another wave of desolate, crying desperation tears through you as you trudge along, tripping yet again - maybe over your own two feet, a root, the very ground you walk on, something. You’re much too hazy and burnt out to even care what you stumbled on as you just press on, press on, press on.

A wave of pain rolls through your stomach again as it burns cavernously empty. You move as a ghost, a shell of yourself now, using passing trees as support. Your hands touch the cold wood reluctantly, a painful little hiss through your teeth as your fingers practically cramp up from the cold. You’d lost your gloves somewhere along the way, days ago now, what feels like a lifetime. You need to stop and rest desperately now, your body close to giving out. Your heart hammers in fear, wondering if you’d even be able to get up again.

A cabin comes into view in the distance, tucked nicely in a clearing of trees. You think your eyes are deceiving you, that you’ve finally succumbed to the madness that comes with such hunger and loneliness, your brain conjuring up images to comfort you. You see smoke coming out of a chimney on the roof, and your heart equally swells and drops at the discovery - it’s not a shelter for you alone, no. Not a lucky discovery, somewhere to lay your head tonight that’s dry and warm without disturbance. Someone already lives here, has a home here, and they might not take too kindly to strangers. If there’s anything you’ve learned in the last few weeks of your own personal hell, it’s to tread carefully. Always.

You keep your footsteps light and quiet, trying to approach with some semblance of caution. Your empty stomach is pushing you along, begging for any scrap of food that might be inside, hopefully offered up to you by the kindness of a stranger. Berries and the occasional rabbit or lucky can of food found were not enough to live off of anymore - you could feel the way your body faded away by the day, losing any bit of strength you’d had in the first place.

You pause, hitching your breath and then barely daring to breathe at all when you get close enough to hear a sound - a low, throaty grunting followed by the crack of wood. Your eyes scan the area as you sneak closer and then land upon him. He’s broad and muscled, you can see that much from back here. Messy, dark hair that curls all around his head and down his neck. When his body turns enough that you see his face a little bit more, you notice he looks older and has dark, piercing eyes. They send a shudder through you, even from afar, only making you feel colder out in this frosty afternoon.

You wrap your coat a little tighter and decide to get closer, assess the situation, see if he seems friendly enough to give you something to eat and send you on your merry way. He swings an ax high up in the air and brings it down swiftly onto a large piece of wood, splitting it before tossing the logs into a pile already full of more firewood. You press your lips together, noticing how strong he is, betting there are well built up muscles underneath that flannel shirt of his. That makes him a threat, a big one, you quickly assess. 

You’re too distracted, not watching your step, when a large branch cracks underneath your boot. You wince and squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, holding perfectly still, your breath coming out in quick, staccato exhales.

“H-hey!” you hear a gruff voice, sounding out of breath. You peek your eyes open slowly to see the man looking in your direction and silently curse yourself. “C’mon out!” he yells, and you see him reach to his waist, hands grazing a shining revolver holstered there.

Your stomach pulls into tight knots and you stand frozen for a few moments. Your brain quickly assesses everything, weighing the options. Running away, with no possibility of eating a single thing is one option, but the likelihood this stranger will shoot you seems high no matter what, so you decide to take your chances.

You put your hands in front of you, palms out, and slowly emerge from behind the trees. You walk gingerly along the crisp, frosty grass, crunching under your feet every step of the way. Your anxious breaths come out in little puffs in front of you as the cold air enters and exits your lungs.

The man falters, his fist closing and then opening again, pulling away from the revolver on his hip a bit. He blinks hard, staring at you in this silent showdown. “W-well shit, you’re just a girl…” he finally says quietly to himself, his posture relaxing a little. You stand perfectly still, choked up now that you’re confronted with the idea of speaking to him, such a large, imposing wall of a man, and those eyes, god, those eyes.

“I’m not gonna hurt you if you don’t give me a reason to, now, girl.” His voice is the tiniest bit softer, and you pick up on his Southern drawl, an accent you’ve heard a few times before. “Do ya need help?” He wipes his forehead with the back of his arm, a gleam of sweat having built up from chopping wood and his large chest still heaving. He takes a step closer to you, and you don’t step back, but feel every muscle coil up tightly as your mind screams at you that this was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake. Your feet tingle, toes flexing and getting ready to run, but you can’t make yourself do it, to take that first step.

Instead, you nod. “I- y-yes…” you say quietly. You’ll never understand why you say it, other than the fact that you’re drawn in by him, by his chestnut hair flecked with gray, his patchy beard that he’s currently scratching. By his build that looks so… safe yet dangerous, but you get the feeling that no, he’d never hurt you. You envision those arms wrapping around you, holding you tightly, shielding you from the world and everything you’ve been through. You never thought much about relationships or boys before - just a few simple and innocent crushes, but it hadn’t been on your radar as such a shy kid and teenager. But this… this was what people talked about - attraction. It nearly stole your breath the closer you got to him, threatening to suck you into what felt like an endless void. 

“Alright,” the man replies, trying to match your quieter demeanor. He glances around, eyes narrowed and scanning the woods beyond you. “You with anyone? Or all alone out here?”

You know why he’s asking, you’ve seen what people can do - sending someone innocent and unimposing out to lay a trap, but you don’t lie when you shake your head. “A-alone. I’m alone, swear, sir.”

His jaw seems to tick, noticeable even from the distance you’re at before he answers you. “Okay, then. C’mon a little closer, I won’t bite, okay?” he says, and he’s so convincing that you do believe him, despite your instincts telling you otherwise. The world is cruel and unrelenting, taking away most of the trust you’ve ever had in humanity the second you place it into anything or anyone. 

You move a little closer, small, gentle steps, and he nods encouragingly. 

“Now there ya go. Look at ya…” he marvels with a click of his tongue, shaking his head once you’re just a few feet away from him. 

He takes in your messy hair, slightly matted from wearing a winter hat on and off the last few weeks and sleeping on the ground. Your clothes have seen better days too, your skin smudged with dirt no matter how many water sources you found to try and rinse off a little bit. Even despite all of that, he gazes at you with a curiosity, with that look of interest that you felt like you’d given him without trying to. It’s quiet for another moment, the both of you sizing each other up, until Joel’s look turns a little more pitiful when you shiver as a sudden gust of wind whips past you, your threadbare coat doing little to protect you from the chill in the air here. You can’t be sure if your shuddering has less to do with the wind and more with the way that this man’s eyes are digging into what feels like your very soul.

“We gotta get you inside, okay? You’re shakin’, and you look like you ain’t had a proper meal in… too long…” He continues to eye you up and down, taking in your weak frame. 

You stay silent for another moment, swallowing hard and then shuddering again. “I - I don’t know…” you breathe out. You might have some sudden, fantastical dream that this man is your savior, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious - the mind is a tricky, deceiving thing.

“I ain’t gonna ask again, ain’t gonna beg ya, girl. C’mon,” he says a little more roughly, a hand shooting out quickly and grabbing you by the wrist and tugging. “Just want to get a good meal in you, alright?”

You wince at the grasp on your wrist, the roughness and hardness he’s starting to show you, but you let him pull, starting to move your feet and trail after him. 

“T-thank you…sir,” you murmur quietly, and he swings his head to look back at you, his eyes softening. 

“You’re welcome. Now get inside and get warm. I’ve got a fire goin’.” He lets go of your wrist, trusting you to follow him as his heavy boots clunk up the few steps leading to the front door of his cabin. It’s modest, beautifully constructed, all dark wood around the outside and a small porch. You start to wonder if this man built it himself, or just found it as it is. Your initial impression of him leads you to believe that he does seem like the type to build a whole god damn cabin. He half looks like a lumberjack already in the plaid flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up to his forearms. 

“Found this place ‘bout five years ago,” he says as if he could read your mind while he swings the door open. “Real nice and private, so don’t worry.”

Your eyes narrow slightly at his last comment, but you try to brush it off as you enter inside with him. The warm air hits your body, an immediate balm to your frayed nerves and chilled skin, a slightly smoky smell from the fire hits your nostrils and you immediately hear the crackle and pop of the logs in the little fireplace. The cabin is mainly one big room, a kitchen tucked into the corner right to the left of the door, and the living room beyond that with cozy couches and chairs, even a TV that you doubt is working but find yourself hopeful for some reason. It’s been a long time since you were able to watch a movie, flashing back to childhood memories when you’d lived in a more stable, thriving community that had power. 

Stairs beyond that lead to what you assume are bedrooms or a bathroom, and your eyes curiously take in all the little details and decor - the man’s jackets hanging along the wall near the entrance, his rifle propped next to the door and several different pairs of worn boots. 

You realize you’re just standing right near the doorway, silently looking around in a daze while your new acquaintance has been trying to get your attention. 

“Hey, girl, I’m talkin’ t’ya…” his voice says, the noise fading back into your consciousness.

You shake your head. “S-sorry,” you say quietly, a shy little squeak. “I was just -“

“S’alright. I got some stew goin’, that okay? I mean y’don’t have much of a choice, but I’ll ask anyhow,” he says with a wry chuckle. You simply nod in response. 

“Now go on, put your things down and sit ‘n get comfortable,” he waves towards the general direction of the kitchen table and the couch before turning back to the stove to stir the pot simmering there. You stand, feeling frozen still, panic threatening to climb up through your insides and completely take over. You still don’t feel safe, despite this man offering to warm you and feed you. How could you, you think, when you’ve been running for several weeks, trying to get away from the carnage that became your life. 

He eyes you, unmoving and frightened looking and sighs heavily. “I said,” he says, tension thickening in the air around you, “Sit.”

You clear your throat, desert dry and scratchy, and set your backpack by the door, slowly creeping over to the couch, not wanting to make this mystery man any angrier. You settle yourself down and the cushions feel like heaven, your legs and body achy from the lack of comfort you’ve had for weeks. You try not to show just how good it feels to settle into the soft, plush fabric, letting the cushions mold to your body.

“Good,” Joel coos as he glances at you from the stove. “Now that we’ve got you settled in, you got a name?”

You weakly tell him your name and he shows you the first little smile you’ve seen from him, nodding. “Gotcha. I’m Joel, okay?”

“O-okay.” You push the words out while you watch him stir the pot on the stove. You sit in silence for a few moments, thankful for the time to just catch your breath and think. Just one bowl of stew, and you’ll be out of here. You’ll ask if there’s a community nearby, somewhere that could take you in, then grab that information and run, not bother this man any more than you need to.

Joel walks over, handing you a cup of water that you shamelessly start to gulp down before he goes back and ladles some of the delicious smelling stew into a bowl. The second the scent hits you, your stomach rumbles loudly. Joel cracks a smile as he hears it and continues ladling, a brow quirked. 

“Hungry, huh?” he asks, walking the steaming bowl over to you with a spoon. You gingerly take it from his hands, being careful not to brush your still chilled fingers against his. You swear his eyes flash at you when he notices how avoidant you’re being, but he turns and walks back to the stove, getting himself a bowl as well. Joel settles down into a chair across from the couch where you sit with a weathered groan, just watching you for a few quiet moments. It does everything but put you at ease, your stomach twisting a little. You blow on a spoonful of stew before taking a bite, your mouth an explosion as it waters and takes in the delicious, rich, food. 

“Mmm,” you whine out, unable to help it. Your body wants to lunge forward, lap the stew up until every single drop is in your starved body and you can finally feel a sense of fullness again. You quickly take another spoonful, much too hot, and wince a little as it hits your tongue. 

“Slow on down, girl,” Joel says. “Let’s talk a little and it’ll slow down your eating.”

You just stare, noticing your body is trembling a little bit, and has been since you met Joel outside. You try to take a deep breath to settle your nerves, your legs so tensely pressed together that it's starting to hurt.

“You feelin’ afraid of me, that it?” he asks you, looking a little too self satisfied at the observation as he crosses his arms and leans towards you. His biceps bulge and stretch with the motion and you can’t help but find your eyes drawn to them, the way they pull at the soft flannel of his shirt. You feel your face heat up all the way to your ears and you blink hard, averting your eyes. 

“I- I mean… I don’t know you…” you mutter, trying to sound more confident than you feel.

“I know,” he says, sounding more sympathetic. “Done some bad things in my time, so hell, maybe you should be scared of me. I ain’t a nice guy. But I won’t hurt someone like you, promise ya that.” His words are enough of a reason for you to hightail it out of here the first second you can, but why do you believe them? Why do you believe him?

“How d-do you know I’m not bad too? That I don’t deserve it?” His eyes narrow and his lip twitches into a smirk before he lets out a mocking little chuckle in your direction.

“Oh sweetheart, a man jus’ knows these things. You never hurt even a fly, now have you?” That smirk stays plastered on Joel’s face as he asks and it frustrates you how little of a threat he sees in you, how little fight you have left to give. Yet you can’t find yourself blaming him, you think. If you were facing yourself in his position you’re sure you’d look like as much of a feeble joke as you feel.

You frown, still unable to look him in the eyes for longer than a few seconds, and shake your head. “No… just for hunting…” you admit.

“Alright then. Y’don’t need to act tough in front of me, girl, got it?” Joel concludes, going back to eating his stew.

“Got it,” you respond quietly, letting yourself sink further into the couch as you feel your muscles slowly relaxing.

“Now tell me... what’s this all about? What’s a little young thing like you doin’ out here by herself?”

You bite your lip and sip slowly on another spoonful of stew. “I’m… uh…” you stutter nervously. 

“Spit it out now, there’s nothin’ to be afraid of here, hm?” Joel tries reassuring you, but his words keep coming out so gruffly, doing little to make you feel much better. 

You inhale a deep breath. “Okay…” You swallow. “I was in a… community. I lived there a long time. T-they’re all gone now, I think. We got completely overrun and so I ran.” You sniffle as your nose starts to run from the warmth of the house opposing the cold you’d gotten accustomed to. 

Joel leans forward a bit in his chair, taking a hearty bite of stew, mulling your words over. “Overrun how?” he asks simply, glancing at you, studying your movements, your body language, everything. 

“U-uh, hunters, raiders, whatever they are. Bad.. b-bad people…” You look down at your bowl, not wanting to meet the intensity of his gaze, afraid to fall into his strange, hard warmth. 

“Hm… awful fuckers, ain’t they,” he says, scratching a hand down his beard. “You got away, then?”

You nod and bite inside of your lip, taking another spoonful of stew to keep yourself occupied. “Y-yeah. I ran and ran… just kept… going. They took everything, took over all of our homes…”

Joel sighs, his eyes finally going a little softer. “‘M sorry to hear that, darlin’. You know if anyone is still alive?”

You shrug. “No…”

“Your family? They with ya at this community?”

“Oh.” You shake your head. “No. They… all, uh, passed a long time ago.” Why the hell are you being so open with this stranger? You don’t owe him your story, your secrets, any of it. But you sense the urge to share it, anyhow. Maybe you’re just that desperate for human connection right now. 

“Mm, sorry to hear it again. We all know that feelin’ in a world like this,” he replies thoughtfully. Your eyes widen a bit at the softness he’s showing you right now and you give him a tight lipped smile to show your own sympathy for his losses. 

“You feel up for tellin’ me a little more about the attack? S’okay if it’s too much,” Joel adds on, still studying you with an odd gaze, almost like he’s drinking you in, quenching some thirst he had. His hand twitches, almost as if to reach out to you, but he’s much too far from where he sits right now. 

“I’m not sure if t-there’s much to tell…” you start, but then you find yourself spilling out more details, feeling the freeing sensation of unloading your burdens onto someone else. You tell Joel your community was small but well taken care of, plenty of supplies and food, in an abundant time in its history the last few months. One evening everything changed, when an armed group of mostly men came in, a few women and children in tow, looking absolutely miserable, and they aimed their guns in the air and shot off a few rounds to get everyone’s attention. People came flooding out of their homes, trying to run, only to be tackled or shot down, forced to give up our food and belongings. You tried to hide for as long as you could before slipping out of the home you shared with an older couple who had been taking care of you since you were a teenager, Harry and Josephine. They’d urged you to run, run, run, so you did. Then came your lost days, where you had no clue where you were, when you’d find your next semblance of humanity. Just trying to head west, further and further from the bitter memories you’d now have to leave behind. Barren towns and wilderness passed you over the days, hardly seeing another soul as you hid from infected, spending your nights crying yourself to sleep when you had the energy. 

And now… here you were, sitting on Joel’s couch and eating stew. Unsure of what the hell you’d do next or where you had to go. You had been an orphan for a long time, but this felt deeper, like you were an orphan to the entire world, almost, like you had nothing to even call your own now. 

Joel sits patiently, watching you stumble on words as you tell your story to him, trying not to get too choked up as all the emotions resurface. How empty things had been, how desolate the landscapes to match your faintly beating heart.

He’s leaned fully forward now in his seat, stew somewhat forgotten in his lap as you finish your recounting of the last few weeks. He breathes in and out, a large, heavy sigh that fills the room. It’s still now, fully quiet for a moment. 

“You’re a strong girl for goin’ through all of that, you know that?” he says finally, eyes softer than you’ve seen them yet. 

You just look down, returning to your stew, taking a few bites now that it’s at the perfect temperature. You’ve stopped shaking now, your body warmed up and starting to recognize that you’re getting full. You can’t eat much, your stomach unable to handle more just yet, so you push the stew away, setting it on the coffee table in front of you.

“Yeah…” you say, not really believing it as you glance out the window to watch the late afternoon sun, glaring off the ground outside, light filtering through the trees. 

“You got somewhere to go? After you’re fed and looked over, of course,” Joel asks, his eyebrow shooting up.

You consider lying, just to avoid what you’re afraid he’ll ask you. What you’re afraid you’ll say yes to. You still end up shaking your head silently, clearing your throat. You feel a sting of tears behind your eyes, your whole body going hot with the need to cry, but a deep desire to not show that weakness to him holds you back. You sniffle and blink, studying the knots in the old wood floors.

“Hey,” Joel says, trying to get your attention, to make you show him your vulnerability. “Look at me, c’mon now.” You hear him shift in his seat, a small movement born of irritation as you refuse to do as he says.

You sniffle again and clear your throat, a shake of your head making your hair fall forward, covering and hiding you further. 

“I said look at me.” That stern tone of his is back, sending a shudder through you and fear rippling deep inside your chest. You flick your red rimmed, shining eyes up to his, meeting the dark brown stare, lines permanently etched in between his eyes from all his years of worry.

“Atta girl,” he coos, completely pleasant now. “I got you, okay? You can stay, if ya need. I got food, a home, a warm bed for ya. If you have nowhere else.”

One more blink sends the tears falling down your cheeks, fat and overdue as they slide down your dirty skin, leaving tracks. You sniffle and nod, suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude towards Joel. He may be a stranger, but he fed you, got you warm, and is offering just about the kindest thing he can right now - an invasion on his space, his personal sanctuary, all for a girl he hardly even knows. 

“Y-you’d really do that?” you ask, a little incredulously, like this is a dream you’re about to wake up from any time now. 

He nods, a half smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Satisfaction plastered there now that he’s swayed you in his direction. “I would. Now I don’t wanna hear another word about it. You need to rest, you’ve been through a lot.”

“T-thank you. B-but-”

“Not. Another. Word,” he practically hisses, flashing his eyes angrily before it fizzles out quickly. You can see him practically having to reign in his impulsiveness in the moment. “There ain’t anywhere else to go that’ll keep you as safe as here, I’m tellin’ you that now. You’d be fuckin’ lost out there.” He sits back with his arms crossed now, and you’re worried that you’ve truly upset him now, that unsettling look in his eye glinting again. He wants you to stay… nearly seems to need it. It scares you, yet you feel a tug, a pull, some form of intrigue wanting you to explore that need, understand just what he could see in you.

“I’m s-sorry… I just - you’ve already done a lot for me, and I’d hate to, well, impose, or something,” you say, trying to appease him. It’s mostly true, anyhow, that you do hate to take Joel’s food and time away from him. 

He stands up and silently walks the few steps over to the couch, sitting down next to you, turning himself towards you. It feels like every muscle in your body tenses at his proximity - it makes him seem even bigger the way he takes up his cushion on the couch, body sinking in deeply, his wide shoulders practically a shield to you right now to everything behind him. Something about seeing him up this close is sending you reeling, able to study the lines in his face, his strong, wiry beard streaked with a few gray spots. You flick your eyes over his face, hoping to not be too obvious, but needing to drink him in, learn his features.

“I’m gonna have you listen to me right now, okay? Make sure you’re listenin’ real good, sweetheart.” He pauses for a moment to catch your eye, reaching a hand towards you but resting it right next to your thigh on the couch. “I’m offerin’ somethin’ mighty nice to you, ain’t I? You were ‘bout to die out there, if I’m honest. Much longer and you’d be a goner, I think. Don’t you?”

He’s waiting for a real answer from you, you realize, so you nod, eyes practically unblinking as you hang on his words, a hot coil burning in your stomach as you feel uneasiness eat at you.

“Right.” He sighs quietly. “I’m not tryin’ to be mean, sweetheart. In fact, I care a lot, that’s why I’m tellin’ the truth to ya like this. You ain’t built to be on your own, can see that clear as day. So I’ll have ya stay here and get fed and get your bearings. And I don’t want to hear anymore about it.” 

Of all the things Joel has just said to you, the thing that is stuck in your mind as you turn it over, is the way he’d said he cares. He cares about you. Would that be such a bad thing to be cared for, even if just for a little bit?

You give him a small dip of your head, a shaky smile coming to your lips. “Thank you. I’m uh, grateful.” You’re not sure what else to say, feeling like you’re signing yourself away to something you don’t feel sure about. 

“Ah look at that - a smile,” he says, clearly feeling much more light hearted now that you’ve agreed to accept his help. 

You sit back a little, your muscles finally losing some of their tension and start to eye Joel a little more curiously. “S-so you just live here all by yourself?” you ask, wishing you weren’t still such a stuttering mess. The fact was, this man made you nervous, in a way that you weren’t used to. He scared you, but in a way that it drew you in, a magnetic pull you couldn’t quite explain yet. Something in him commanded respect, reverence, almost, without trying. It was mesmerizing to witness, completely scrambling your mind if you started to think on it too hard. 

“Mhm,” Joel nods languidly, finishing off his stew and then sitting back with a satisfied sigh. He eyes your bowl that’s only half empty and then flicks them back to your face. “Ain’t gonna finish?” he asks, sounding a little irritated before his face softens. “Probably can’t fit much in your little belly right now, huh? Shrunk right up when you didn’t eat much these last few weeks.”

You nod. “I-it was good, I just… I couldn’t finish. It started to hurt…”

His eyes flash with concern. “We’ll take it slow, then,” he says, a little smile creeping onto his face.

You had noticed his avoidance to say much more about himself, so you decide to try your luck and press him again. You clear your throat, trying to turn towards him a little more as well. “You live alone. Don’t you… do you ever talk to other people?”

Joel chuckles, almost condescendingly. “‘Course I do. Town not too far from here - Jackson. I go once and a while to stock up, trade ‘em for some stuff and they’re mighty hospitable to me.”

You nod, trying not to let his snide laugh and tone get to you too much, blinking away the sensitive little tears that threaten to fall again. Joel cocks his head suddenly, seeming to notice. “T-that sounds pretty nice,” you choke out quickly.

“Sorry if I upset ya. Guess you’re right, don’t get enough practice talkin’ to people,” he says a little lighter now, smiling softly again. Joel’s version of a smile seems to only be a soft upturn of his lips, not friendly by nature. It puts you at ease and unease at the same time, that smile of his, but you’d rather see that than the scowl he was sporting at you earlier today. He pats your thigh a few times, showing his apology, and you watch his large hands move on you, noticing they’re scratched and rough. A man’s hands.

“W-wait… Jackson… this town. It’s close by?” you ask, glancing back up at him, the wheels in your head starting to turn. 

Joel’s face falls in an almost dramatic fashion, the lines between his eyes and around his cheeks getting deeper. “Why d’ya ask?” he says, his tone short and frayed sounding, leaning forward again, practically glaring at you from under his eyebrows.

Your own face falls, jaw slack for a moment before it tightens back up. “I just… I want to get out of your hair as quickly as possible, I-I don’t want to be a bother. Could find a new community there, or something…” You feel quiet as a mouse, unsure of how to assert yourself in front of Joel - it feels like there isn’t space for it when you share a room with him.

Joel’s expression becomes more stern. “Didn’t I already tell you, girl, that I’d take care of everythin’?” he spits out, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. You’re visibility tense now, your hands pressing into the cushions of the couch, ready to get up at any moment and bolt. “Y’don’t want to go to a place like that, so big, you’d be lost there, darlin’. Nobody to take care of you…”

He sits back a little, hands falling into his lap and an eyebrow cocked at you. “‘Sides,” he says, glancing out the window for a moment before studying you again. “Too far to go on your own. Can’t have you gettin’ lost in these woods again… look what happened last time, yeah?”

Maybe he’s right. You barely survived these last few weeks without completely losing your mind, and then your life, as he’s been so apt to tell you several times now. Joel… he saved you, and is offering you a place to stay, so the least you could do is be grateful for now. You could always convince him tomorrow, after you’ve had time to think and reset, to take you there, show you the way, and you can see for yourself if it’s a good fit for you or not.

“Y-yeah…” you stutter out, nodding. The look he shoots you has you choking out the next word before you can even think about it. “Yes,” you say more definitively.

“It’s settled then,” he says matter-of-factly, breathing in deeply, his burly chest rising, and then letting it out in a long, slow breath. “You probably wanna get some rest, yeah? I can set up the bed for ya.” Joel says, standing up and grabbing your bowl, taking it to the kitchen along with his empty one. 

“Do y-“ you start, standing up off the couch. 

“Yeah, I got two bedrooms, don’t worry.” His smile grows, liking that he found you predictable enough to know what you were about to ask. Your shoulders sag a little in relief and you give Joel more of a proper smile now, nodding your thanks.

“That would be great, then, yeah. And if it’s not too much…” you voice trails off and you stare at the ground, focusing your eyes on the pattern of the well worn rug underneath your feet. “Maybe a shower, bath, whatever you’ve got.”

Joel turns to face you and then walks back into the living area. He has a calm, serene expression, slightly lit up. “I’ll do ya one better. Get you some clean clothes to wear after that shower, too.”

Nothing in the entire world sounds better than what he’s offering right now.

You hiss loudly as the hot, steaming water hits your leg when you step in. Within moments, you’re basking under it, watching the dirt and dried blood from your various scrapes and scratches swirl down the drain for what feels like ages, finally seeing the water run clear as you lather up the threadbare washcloth Joel had left out for you and scrub yourself down. Every nook, every cranny, your scalp, face, everywhere you could get three times over. You can’t remember the last time you’d felt so clean, even when you’d lived back with your community. You hum happily for a few moments, letting the water soothe you for just a while longer. You hoped Joel could forgive you for taking a little bit of extra hot water today given the circumstances.

Joel hears the water running from downstairs, his fists balling up and relaxing over and over as he sits on his favorite chair, his gaze facing the stairs leading to the spare bedroom and attached bathroom. He feels tense, rolling his neck, continuing to pump his fists open and closed. A feeling in the back of his neck, traveling down his spine and legs that he couldn’t ignore - an urge. He stands up an instant later, not bothering with his well-ignored conscience, and walks upstairs and through the bedroom door with careful steps as he still has on his boots. He presses a hand onto the brass doorknob, turning it slowly, ever so slowly, pushing the door open just an inch, just… enough.

His eyes fall on the shower curtain, a white cloth that perfectly shows your silhouette through it. The valleys and curves of your body move around, arms scrubbing yourself. Joel can smell the evergreen scented soap drifting through the steamy, thick air, watching your body move fluidly as you start to hum quietly to yourself and rinse off.

He wishes he could lie to himself, deny that he felt the blood rush straight to his cock at this little show he was watching. So content, so sweet, so vulnerable right now. Need consumes his every cell - the need to show you just how good you could have it here, to take every bit of you for himself. He grins, a hungry little twitch of his mouth, moving to shut the door when a floorboard creaks under his heavy boot, and he freezes, shuffling out of the way quickly.

You’re humming quietly when you hear it, just a distant sound, but enough to catch your ear. A creak of a floorboard, something you figure isn’t unusual for an old cabin like this, but you feel a shiver run down your spine and rush to turn the water off. You throw the curtain open, water dripping down into your eyes. You quickly rub your fingers over them and glance around the spacious bathroom to find… nothing. You sigh, shaking your head, nearly laughing at the relief you feel. You’re just being paranoid, you chastise yourself as you grab the towel off the hook, squeezing the extra water out of your hair and wrapping it around yourself, snuggling into the simple comfort of a fluffy towel as you dry yourself off. 

Your fingers freeze, running cold when you reach the door, noticing a few inches of space that has the door cracked open. You swore up and down that you’d shut the door behind you, giving you that extra layer of privacy in a stranger's home. It wasn’t possible that… no, you think quickly, shaking your head again. You have to stop being so damn paranoid - your brain is just in survival mode still, looking for threats that aren’t there. 

You step into the bedroom, surveying the heavy wood furniture - an extremely cozy, country feel to the room with large logs comprising the bed frame and a patchwork quilt draped over the top. You peer around, feeling somewhat squirmy at the realization you don’t have any clothing. Joel seemingly came in and took your dirty clothes while you were in the shower, failing to leave you anything clean. It made you feel that strange swirl deep in your stomach again, the one you kept brushing off.

This is a kind man. A kind man, got it? Positive thinking.

You decide to pull it together and head out and down the stairs to the living room. You feel your cheeks heat up, a hot heat creeping all over your body as you feel so exposed, standing in your tiny towel as you descend the stairs. Joel’s eyes follow you down, watching your glowing skin, so fresh and clean, hair dripping errantly, leaving water droplets on the floor in your wake. You see a flash of something a little cloudy and hungry in his gaze before it disappears just as quickly as he showed it. 

He isn’t saying a word, isn’t offering anything, so you swallow down your discomfort and clear your throat a little. “Er… I noticed there weren’t any… clothes… for me…”

Joel sits up a little straighter, putting down the book he’s been looking at. He offers you a smile devoid of much emotion and stands up, his eyes locking on your hips for a few extra seconds. “Shucks, sorry about that, sweetheart. Let’s get you something right now. Got your old clothes ready to be done next time I do the washin’.”

You nod, fighting the urge to chuckle nervously as he walks over and passes you, his arm brushing your damp, bare one before he heads up the stairs. You’re grateful you get to trail him, afraid of just how skimpy this towel is if he’d have insisted on following behind you. You follow him into the other bedroom, his bedroom, and it’s a little more decorated, some books and little wooden carvings on the surfaces, dirty laundry scattered throughout. He opens up a drawer and tugs out a tee shirt, handing it to you, then a pair of gray sweatpants and warm, thick socks. 

“These should fit alright for ya, honey. We’ll get you some more proper fittin’ stuff soon, just gotta have a look around this place. This’ll be nice and warm for ya f’now.” He seems more chipper now, clearly much more talkative than before, and you suppose you don’t mind the change too much. It’s only proving that your paranoia was completely unfounded, just a symptom of your current circumstances. You typically find yourself a pretty trusting person, enough to have gotten you in trouble before, but the events of the last few weeks have broken that for you, leaving you feeling like a shell of who you once were. 

You snap back to reality and take the clothing in your arms, nodding in gratitude. “Thank you. I’ll go, um, change.”

Before you turn, Joel’s voice booms through the air again. “Need anythin’ else to eat? Anythin’ I can get you?” He almost sounds hopeful, like he wants you to need something from him. His eyes linger on your body, leaving you feeling just as naked as if you didn’t have the towel over you at all. 

You shake your head nervously. “Er, if it’s alright with you, I think I just want to rest… A full night’s sleep in a bed sounds like heaven right now.” 

“Let’s get you on off to heaven, then.” He grins, letting you leave the room before trailing after you, waiting outside your door while you change into your clothes. You discover some women’s underwear in the drawers inside of your bedroom, gratefully putting on a clean pair before throwing on everything Joel gave you. It’s comfortable and dry, so you won’t complain about the fit or the style - you’d still be in your dirty, worn down clothes if it weren’t for him. 

You creak the door open to find Joel and thank him again for hosting you, only to see him waiting right outside in the hall. You nearly jump, your face completely giving away your tense surprise.

“Jus’ wanted to make sure you got to bed alright,” he says gently, explaining himself. 

“Oh…” You bite your lip. “I, uh, I think I’m all set. Thank you again, Joel, really, for everything.”

His smile brightens as much as you’ve seen it and his eyes look much kinder as he nods, a dip of his head. His hand reaches forward and takes yours through the frame of the door and squeezes it. You freeze at the sudden touch, his hand so warm and rough, calloused fingertips grazing over the softer skin of your hands. It sends your entire body into a fuzzy flash of heat for just a moment before it dissipates. He squeezes once more, thumb swiping gently over the back of your hand before he releases it. Your lips sit parted in shock, eyes a little wider and hand starting to tremble a little. 

“Anytime,” Joel replies simply, his face falling before he turns to walk away, leaving you standing breathless for several moments before clicking the bedroom door shut behind you. 

You jolt out of your sleep, a gasp of breath catching in your throat and dying out as you go to yell, finding your mouth tightly clasped by a large, warm palm pressing in.

“Shh, shh,” the voice comes, right near your right ear. You shudder involuntarily from the hot breath fanning on such a sensitive spot  and try to yell again, letting it die out as a whimper against the skin pressing on your mouth.

“Shh, it’s alright. I got you,” Joel coos, his voice coming out hoarse. “No yellin’.”

You squirm helplessly against his hold, realizing another arm is draped across your abdomen, holding you in place. Your body exhausts quickly, still half asleep as you feel your struggle die out. Joel’s hand across your mouth loosens slowly, relieving the pressure.

“You were havin’ a nightmare, darlin’. Shh… c’mon now…” His hand that had been against your lips ghosts up to your head, landing in gentle strokes against your hair. You blink a few times, heavy breaths through your nostrils now as you try to steady your mind and body. Your chest struggles against his heavy arm as it heaves, your body fully taut and mind trying to play catch up.

“W-what…” you murmur groggily, laying stiffly as Joel holds your waist, fingers brushing against your curves, pressing you close as his other hand still works tender strokes along your hair.

“Oh, sweetheart, glad I heard you, hm?” he practically whispers, his face nuzzling close to the skin right under your ear. You feel the tickle of his breath and facial fair, prickly and rough against such delicate skin. You squirm gently, trying to signal that everything is too tight, too much, too… confusing. Joel is lost in his own world, absorbed in the softness of the places he begins to touch, hand grazing from your waist to your bare arms, fingertips exploring hungrily under the guise of being caring. 

All he’d needed, alone and laying awake tonight, his body burning and resolve thin, was a simple touch. A chance to show you all that you needed, all he could provide for you. Only to help you, to take care of someone who couldn’t care for herself. You’d proved that much to him - you needed his guidance, his protection, his experience.

“What’re you…”

“Jus’ comforting you, darlin’. C’mon now,” he whispers, never once pulling back or stopping the exploring he’s doing with his hands. 

He runs through his list of reasons to convince himself why everything he’s doing is perfectly necessary before losing sight of all of it entirely when he strikes that sliver of bare skin where your tee shirt has hiked up a bit off your waist, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. His hand travels a bit higher, pushing the shirt up and grazing famished fingers across your ribcage and stomach. A small groan ripples across his chest, the vibration felt by where your body meets his. He surprises you next by tugging your shirt back down, covering the bare skin before returning his hand to your hip, pulling you closer. He’s a wall of pure mass, muscle underneath his soft belly and chest, a man who’s strong but still showing a bit of his age. You nearly whimper and shake, feeling a sickly heat coursing through your veins now.

“Mmm…” he mumbles in your ear, your own voice caught in a trap of fear lodged right in your throat. Equally afraid of the way you don’t know how this night is about to end and that you’re not sure you mind where it’s going. You’ve never understood men or their intentions, and never had anyone bother to teach you, no worked up teenage boys offer to show you when you were at that age. No, you were left to guess, giggled at by other girls when you couldn’t pick up on their meanings as they discussed their own secret rendezvous. This had to be everything they talked about, didn’t it? The way you could feel heat and energy practically pulsating off of Joel’s body, his noises anything but natural sounding as he hummed little groans in your ear.

“Y’just needed someone, sweetheart. Y’need someone to take care of you, don’t you?” he finally says, fingers still running their way across your hair, nails scratching against your scalp. You whimper quietly at the feel of it, how damn good it all feels. You don’t move, don’t speak as he goes on.

“Need a man like me, darlin’, y’do. I can see it - need me to take care of everything…” He mumbles similar sentiments repeatedly in your ear before bringing his lips right to your neck, just letting them graze, the wet but chapped skin of his lips pressing in gently on your pulse point. You try not to gasp, the feeling as pleasing as it is terrifying, finding yourself gripping the sheet tighter to try not to give yourself away, give him any kind of response. 

“Don’t you, honey? Need me to take care of you?” He sounds a little more desperate now, needy for the answer he’s searching for from you.

He’s broken you down to the point you feel tears stinging at your eyes, the long awaited emotional release you’ve needed sitting right there on the precipice, a small crack waiting to fully rupture. You can’t be sure if you nod, just imperceptibly, you think, but Joel’s body language relaxes against you as he leans his entire chest and torso into you even more, giving you a squeeze. You know then that he got his answer, just what he was looking for. You let the tears slip out, rolling down your cheeks, onto the pillow on one side, likely falling right onto Joel’s face or in his hair on the other. He seems to barely notice, just swiping them quickly off your cheeks before resuming his position wrapping himself tightly around you.

“Good, sweetheart… good girl, I got you…” 

You hear his breathing start to even out shortly after, steady rise and fall of his chest against your body, and you realize he’s dozed off. Like he got what he wanted and decided he could rest now. Your entire body relaxes, a careful breath whooshing out that you hadn’t even been aware you were holding in. His hand is still tangled in your hair, other one possessively on your hip, giving you absolutely no room to move. You’re not sure you want to anymore, anyways, never having had such strength covering you, cloaking you from all of the dark, sinister things that the nighttime holds for you.

If you’re going insane, feeling safe with this man who forced his way around your body tonight, then so be it. Why shouldn’t you let yourself feel safe for once? Let yourself feel less of that burden, turn it over to Joel? Your own turning wheel of thoughts starts to scare you, the little voice in the back of your head telling you what you already know and have been trying to ignore. The one little thing that you immediately put your finger on but were too scared afterwards to lift it back up and observe it closer.

You weren’t having a nightmare, no, not at all. You knew when you woke from one, as sure as the god damned sky was blue and the grass was green. It wasn’t a foreign concept to you by any means after what you’d been through in your life. And tonight… tonight hadn’t been one of those nights. 

dividers by @/saradika!

thank you @jupiter-soups and @huffle-punk for always beta-ing my shit and talking inspo with me. love you to the moon and back <3

[lost-and-ephemeral]

Series: In Her Shadow, pt.2 (ft. main trio)

Part 1 | Part 2

Slowly but surely she replaced you in his heart.

Pairing: Xavier x reader, Zayne x reader, Rafayel x reader (seperate)

Tags: angst, hurt no comfort, reader is not MC, breakup

A/N: I recieved a lot of comments and request asking me to continue, so here we are! I've tried my best. Ty everyone, I appreciate every message, even if it would be hard to mention every single one of them in this post. Also, if you want to be tagged in future fics, let me know!

-`♡´- MASTERLIST -`♡´- 

Rafayel

You began to notice that Rafayel was spending less and less time with you, choosing his bodyguard over you.

It wasn't obvious at first, yeah, but as time went on, everything became so noticeable that you couldn't ignore it anymore. Especially when he forgot about your plans with him and didn't even consider apologizing for it.

The smell of someone else's perfume in his studio, the way Rafayel would leave you at home and take her to all the important events because "you probably don't like spending time among journalists and annoying guests." It seems that he didn't even notice the moment when you were completely estranged from each other.

And all your attempts to talk to him about it ended with nothing.

"She's my bodyguard," he'd say. "No wonder I take her everywhere I go. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Yes, a lot of things were wrong.

But he was completely unwilling to notice it, and you were tired of collecting the shards of your broken heart from the floor day after day. Those warm feelings that brought a sense of lightness and happiness in your heart suddenly turned into pure torture.

You had to end it all, even if it'll hurt so much.

When you arrived at his studio this morning, you came face to face with "Ms. Bodyguard" herself. She was just about to leave, and didn't even hesitate to embrace your beloved. Right in front of you.

Maybe you would've exploded from all these negative emotions, if you had any strength left to be mad or to cry. But there was only emptiness in your heart.

You became strangers to each other.

"I'm breaking up with you," you said without any regret and pushed him away as he tried to hug you. "I don't want to be a second choice after your precious bodyguard."

"W-wait, why? What... But I didn't do anything!" he replied confused, apparently not realizing how much he's been hurting you all this time.

"Maybe that's the point. That you'd do anything for her, but not for me."

He looked at you with the same confusion in his eyes, trying to figure out if it was a joke, but you continued before leaving this place forever.

"You were everything to me, Rafayel. But for you, I was just a small episode of your life. I'm tired. You've been spending all your free time with her, like I didn't exist. It'll be better this way. Goodbye."

No matter how long he was calling your name, asking you to stop, to come back and talk with him, you didn't.

Zayne

Loving a cardiac surgeon with his busy schedule is hard.

But it's even harder when he no longer cares about your existence and spends a significant amount of time with his childhood friend.

After Zayne forgot about your reservation at the restaurant, making you feel like you were the last fool in this world, some more time has passed.

Yeah, he apologized. No, he didn't start spending less time with his "friend".

It's hard to count how many evenings you spent alone when he stayed late at work for her or was invited to a "friendly" dinner with her. But it happened often enough so finally your love turned into suffering.

At first you tried to convince yourself that you're too jealous and he's just happy to finally reunite with someone close to him from his youth. You care about your friends too, don't you?

But it only got worse.

All your plans were constantly adjusted to his friend's wishes. She wants to take him to a cafe at the same time you were planning to go to the cinema? "Sorry, love, let's reschedule our date for another day". You've made him his favorite dinner? Too bad, his friend already brought him dinner at work and he's not hungry.

Eventually you started feeling like he stopped enjoying your time together and just continued to exist in the same apartment with you out of habit.

Talking didn't get you anywhere, because Zayne didn't notice how much he was hurting you (or he simply didn't want to notice it) with his actions and only distanced himself from you even more.

At some point you felt like he put an ice wall around himself again.

He stayed late again this evening, completely forgetting his promise to spend time with you. You packed your things with tears in your eyes, ready to say goodbye to life with Zayne once and for all.

And he showed up at the doorstep of his apartment just as you were ready to leave.

"What's going on?" his voice didn't betray a shred of emotion. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to leave you and your lovely friend together so I don't have to be an unwanted addition to your life."

Zayne was taken aback at this statement and was about to say something, but you interrupted him.

"You were the one who brought happiness and comfort into my life. You were the one who made me feel loved and wanted. But now I realize that I wasn't good enough for you. Goodbye."

You walked away and closed the door behind you, leaving him all alone.

Xavier

Before, you without a doubt would've said that your relationship with Xavier was the ultimate dream.

But now it wasn't actually true.

Yes, your beloved still showed care and attention every spare minute he had. Just not to you. It seemed as if his colleague started to occupy his every thought.

During dinner, on a walk, after missions. He was always talking about her, how strong she is, and how lucky he is that she chose him as her partner. His eyes were shining with delight you had never seen before.

You were happy for him, but only until it crossed the line. Only until you started to feel like he was in love with her, not with you.

One day you found yourself completely miserable. Xavier texted you that he would be late because they had "decided to celebrate another successful mission". Except that you were usually the one he shared his joy with. But things have changed.

Even though you were the brightest star in his world, you were inevitably lost behind the glow of the Moon.

You were trying to be better, to be more interesting. Trying to reach an unattainable ideal. But you couldn't. After all, maybe you were never meant to be together if it turned out like this. Maybe you weren't enough for him.

You couldn't remember the last day you didn't cry. Sometimes alone, sometimes locking yourself in the bathroom after another conversation about this "super-strong collegue". But Xavier didn't seem to notice it at all.

"I thought maybe you'd be interested to know what happens during missions," he said when you brought up this painful topic.

And, yes, you were interested. But all you heard was, "She took down that Wanderer so easily, I couldn't take my eyes off her." Or, "she's so good with her weapon, it's amazing."

He distanced himself from you so much that you hardly spent any time together.

He wasn't even home the day you left.

Xavier sent you a message saying he'd be late again. As usual, with her. Even though he promised to have a movie night and you had already prepared everything you needed for it.

Maybe it's even better if you don't see the look in his eyes the moment you tell him you're breaking up with him. You packed your things and left a note on the table, next to the snacks you bought.

"Maybe in another universe I would be worthy of you so you could look at me with the same adoration. I can see that you enjoy spending time with her much more. And we should break up so you don't torment my heart anymore. Goodbye."

You glanced around his apartment one last time before leaving it forever.

♡ tags: @skyowlz @prettytemis @aishasreality @randompersonwhoexist @kreishin @reni502 @moonyzstarz @chin-chii

[zarla-s]

I just read your TF2 bot post and I’m fascinated. It has left me with a few questions though. Why/how were bots a problem for so long? What was the main incentive for botting (is it botting or boting??) Was it just to be an asshole? What’s your favorite baked good? Have a lovely day and don’t worry about answering my questions if you’re not in the mood :]

The bots were a problem for so long because Valve just didn't care, sorry to say. They just let it happen. I'm not sure when they started coming in in force, maybe after the Jungle Inferno update like six years ago? But they just kept pouring in and Valve just ignored it. It's really shameful how bad they let it get, honestly. They just kept putting out community updates like nothing was wrong.

Eventually after a lot of community pressure a year ago (#savetf2) they tweeted saying they were aware of the problem and then nothing happened. Then there was ANOTHER community movement this June (#fixtf2), and THEN at the end of June they ACTUALLY did something, which is why everyone was so shocked and skeptical at the time. Like the bots got so bad, it's hard to get across just how bad it got if you weren't playing at the time. It was bad. To suddenly go from that to totally bot-free was unbelievable. Frankly I'm still shocked they're gone! No one knows why Valve's acting now or how they're doing it (personally, I think they must have been working on these anti-bot measures for a while... maybe even since their initial tweet, but no one knows), but I hope they keep it up. I can finally teach people how to play in peace!

As for why they'd do this, yeah, it's just to be jerks. They just want to make people miserable. They have websites on Neocities you can find under the tf2 tag (I was looking through it for sites to link to my tf2 site) and they state themselves that they just like making people mad. I don't think they actually hate TF2 so much as they love the power rush from destroying something so famous that so many people love. Kind of a power-trip/control thing, with a dose of being desperate for attention. A lot of the more notorious bot hosters had twitters or youtube accounts where they invited people to rage at them uselessly, they loved it. They've also formed communities around botting and trolling people, so they have kind of a social investment in it (although they were quick to turn on each other when they suspected someone was a mole). Some of them sell their bot software or "bot immunity" for money but I think that was just pocket change, I don't think that was a real motivator.

After having free reign for so long, they reacted violently to the community movement in June. They were positive that nothing would happen to them, so they kept doing more and more outrageous things to prove it. They DDoS'd and DMCA'd the site for the petition multiple times, they doxxed and swatted one of the main bot fighters, they impersonated figureheads and posted illegal links to things, like they were really stepping over the line and gloating about it. They were extremely confident and to be fair, who could blame them? Valve's negligence let them get away with it for years. To suddenly have that power taken away from them without warning made them absolutely furious. They're still seething about it right now and plotting ways to get back in, but they haven't found one yet. It's a matter of pride for them at this point I think, that and a childish tantrum about not being able to ruin other people's fun anymore. Them targeting a baby game version of TF2 (TC2) also points to it being a power trip. If they can't ruin TF2 anymore then by god they've got to ruin SOMEthing!

Even now I'm not sure Valve can hold the line and I keep checking TF2 Casual every now and then to look for bots, haha. It's just hard to believe! I greatly enjoy hearing about bot hosters raging about it and suffering though, they deserve nothing less. Die mad about it!!!

In terms of baked goods though I like all kinds, although right now I'm thinking about brownies so I'll say that. |D

[leighsartworks216]

Let Me Help You

Zayne x gn!Reader

I just copy/pasted this from my notes bc I am too tired to go through and retype it all 👍

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentally/emotionally abusive parents, crying, communication, food + cooking, domestic, established relationship

Word Count: 1,019

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

You felt awful. Watching Zayne try to rescue dinner. The dinner you were so determined to make for him. You weren't bad at cooking, but (and you'd be the last to admit this) you got in way over your head with the recipe you chose. The amount of multitasking required to make it meant it fell apart before you even turned the stove on. Which meant half of the food was overcooked (not burnt, just... crispy and tough), and the other half was undercooked (which Zayne was trying to deal with now).

You dropped your head onto the kitchen table, hiding in the cover of your arms. You're not sure when you start crying. All you know is you have to keep it tamped down, have to keep it from Zayne, have to pretend you're not. You've already bugged him enough for one night.

Glass makes contact with the wooden table, mixing with the gentle clatter of silverware. You risk peeking out with one eye to see a plate full of the scavenged meal. You didn't have the appetite for it anymore. You go back to your moping.

Zayne's chair slides across the floor, muffled by felt attached to the bottom of the legs. He's sitting just there. It ignites an unfamiliar swarm of fire ants in your body; they crawl and chatter and fester under your skin. You dig your fingers into your arm, preparing for the worst.

"My love," he says softly. When you don't answer, he pulls your hand from your arm. He holds it tenderly, rubbing along your knuckles in a familiar display of his affections. "Talk to me, please."

You inhale shakily. "Are you upset?" you mutter. It's muffled and quiet, but he pieces it together.

"I'm not upset, but I am worried. It's not like you to do something like this."

"It's not like you..." Unfortunately, that is the problem.

You hesitantly lift your head. You don't let him go, but you don't look at him as you wipe the tears from your face. He squeezes your hand a little tighter. "My parents called..." you finally admit.

Zayne had only ever met them once. It was the single most uncomfortable, disquieting experience possible. You'd ended up leaving that dinner party early, but you still couldn't manage to cut them out of your life. They're your parents, they should be kind, loving and understanding - and somehow you trick your brain before every call into thinking they are, up until they open their mouths.

He sighs, frowning. "What did they say?"

"They said that... you do too much around the house after working as hard as you do. That I should be pulling my weight more, be a better partner." You keep going before he can argue against their claims. "They're right, though. I mean, you work so hard at the hospital and then you come home and cook? I should have something ready for you. You should be able to relax right after work, not keep working to take care of me after all that.

"So I thought..." You sigh, rubbing at your sore eyes. "I thought I would make you something. Something proper, not just, like, stuff from the convenience store down the block."

"May I say something?" he asks quietly.

Your chest clenches painfully at every thought of what he could say, but you nod regardless. He squeezes your hand again like a silent thank you.

"Taking care of you is not work to me. It never has been," he starts. He speaks firmly, but not unkindly. He knows why you think that way, knows your parents have spent every minute of their lives cementing that into your head and reinforcing it with every phone call berating you for taking up too much time and space. But it's not true. Never.

He continues, "I enjoy being able to come home from work and spend time in the kitchen with you. I always look forward to it. And even if we order food in, I never mind, because I will be eating it with you. Do you understand?"

You stare down at your joined hands. Their outlines blur into smudged watercolor as tears build back up in your eyes. You wipe them away and nod.

"You are the best partner I could ever hope for."

You watch as he brings your hand to his face. He kisses your palm and gently nuzzles it open with his cheek so you hold his face. He smiles softly at you. It's the first time you've looked at his face since he got home. He was starting to miss it, the way your gaze feels so warm on him.

"I'm sorry," you croak out.

"It's alright," he reassures. "Please talk to me the next time you have doubts like this. While I appreciate the gesture, choose a simple recipe next time."

A laugh bubbles out of you despite yourself. He kisses your hand again. How he missed that smile.

"Okay."

It fades back into a troubled frown a moment later. It's like the sun peeking out on an overcast day, only to be covered up by the next passing cloud.

"I can still do more around the house. I feel like I don't do enough for everything you do for me."

He hums thoughtfully. "Let's make a list of chores. We can divide them between us until it feels balanced. Is there anything else?"

You mindlessly stroke his cheek with your thumb. He leans into it. He can see the thoughts fighting in your head. See the way you fight on both sides in the war of indecision. It seems there is a clear winner, when you finally, finally look him in the eye.

"I think," you start in a nervous, broken whisper, "I need help cutting them off."

"Let me help you," he whispers in return, a plea.

You nod with little hesitation. "Okay."

"Is there anything else?" he asks again.

"Just one more thing.” You glance at the plates of food before you. "Can we get takeout?"

He chuckles softly. "Yes, we can get takeout."

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @deepzombieyouth @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc

[auroreliis]

Not sure if you'll even see this LMAO. But I love the way you think, so I wanna know your take on Nightwing/Dick Grayson with an antihero. Someone who's constantly swinging between hero and villainy

I love this idea!

The thing with Dick is that he would be so annoying on this:

"Be careful, you'll hurt yourself!"

"I don't want to fight you. I'm doing this for your own good"

"I didn't want to give back ALL the money you stole, but if you do not stop fighting now, I will return the whole lot of it!"

You often find yourself knocked out and tied to a chair by him. In a safe place, of course, he wouldn't want you to get hurt, but man, those chains are thick...how will you get out? (You don't, he comes and frees you when everything has settled and brings you home...)

After his first encounter with you, he'd get Bruce to find out who you are. And then you're in for it...

He'd casually call you by your real name on your next encounter. The smirk on his face merely widening as you look at him confusedly.

"What the hell do you want?"

"So that IS your name? It has a nice ring to it..."

Your eyebrows furrow as he mumbles your name to himself a few more times like a madman. He didn't even notice you slip away.

The panic ensues as he goes around for a bit, trying to find you. He lost you...completely...what an escape artist you are...

And not only the first few times, you manage to slip away every time he even dares to blink. How sneaky of you. He's impressed truly.

However, he does not tolerate it when youngsters like you, with no training, try to act tough. Whether you're a good guy or a bad guy, he will not allow you to fool around anymore. Haven't you got a life? How do you expect to get sleep if you jump around on roofs every night? How immature of you.

And so starts his nagging.

His first thought is bribery. He'll give you whatever you want, as long as you stop fooling around like this, lest you hurt yourself.

If your main interest is material things, this will work. He will give you whatever you want. Whatever your heart desires. Just keep away from Gotham's moonlit streets. Go to bed, watch a film or something else, just please stay inside.

If your primary interest is more adrenaline than anything else, then he will need to get more creative. He will encourage you to seek entertainment through other means. Video games, escape rooms, laser tag, in fact, he will even encourage you to become a hero instead of being on the borderline.

If this doesn't work, he won't give up, it's just that Bruce finds a few holes in the walls of the manor. And Jason notices Dick being more irritable. And Tim, Steph and Cass notice that he doesn't joke around as much. And Damien notices the serious look on his face.

His attempts usually end with this line:

"Being a hero is extremely exhilerating, so why not choose to be good?" (Or, in other words, why not choose to be closer to me?)

Luckily (for you), you chose to come with him. God knows what would've happened if you hadn't...

[love-and-deepspace-wiki]

Surrounding Characters: Caleb

Age: Unknown

Birthday: Unknown

Occupation: Fighter pilot

Workplace: Deepspace Aviation Administration (DAA)

Family: Though not related by blood, he was also raised by Grandma Josephine and has a sibling relationship with the protagonist

Spoiler warning: If you have not finished Chapter 4 of the main story, this post contains major spoilers.

Details:

Caleb is the protagonist's childhood friend, a friend so integral to her life that she considers him family. Grandma Josephine also took him in when protaganist was 7 years old. The protaganist sees him as both reliable and trustworthy.

He attended Aerospace Academy in Skyhaven and now works as a fighter pilot for the Deepspace Aviation Administration (DAA). Once he started studies at the Aerospace Academy, he didn't see the protaganist much anymore. But he comes home to spend holidays with Grandma Josephine and protaganist.

Appearance:

He is always shown wearing a black hoodie underneath a DAA jacket, dark cargo pants with "DAA" on the left leg, and calf-high boots. He's even wearing this DAA outfit when leaving home for the Aerospace Academy. The jacket has "DAA" and "C6" embroidered on it, along with various symbols/logos. But I'm we've yet to learn what "C6" signifies.

On his left wrist, he wears a bracelet with one of the DAA symbols on it. And around his neck, he wears a necklace the protagonist gave him when he left for school.

Visiting Grandma Josephine:

When they both visit Grandma Josephine and have dinner, the TV news channel says there have been many recent explosions throughout Linkon City which the Hunter's Association has attributed to Wanderers.

"So far, 22 have been wounded with no casualties. We advise all citizens to be careful when outside...".

Caleb reacts by saying "Explosions, huh?" Before asking the protagonist if there have been many Wanderer activity recently.

During dinner, the protaganist gets an alert about Wanderers in the neighborhood. When she leaves to investigate, Caleb insists on going with her. She suspected he was trying to tag along with her, but he claimed he was just going the store to "buy some vinegar and whatnot".

After asking him to also get her some snacks and fruit and warning him not to follow her, Caleb finally enters the convenience store. But after the encounter with the mysterious man, Caleb returns notably empty handed. No vinegar, snacks, fruit, or any groceries in sight.

The protaganist keeps the encounter a secret so as not to worry Caleb and Grandma Josephine. When Caleb asks about it and she chalks it up to a false alarm, he's pretty offended that she wouldn't tell him what really happened.

"But why do you have to hide it from me? Don't you trust me now that we're all grown-up?"

"If not me, who else could you possibly turn to for..."

He stops mid-sentence with a small laugh. When asked about it, he says she wouldn't understand even if he told her and to forget it. He seems to let the situation go after this and tells her to hide the blood on her sleeve before coming in.

"Since you're a grown up now, I won't cover for you this time."

Seconds after he goes inside Grandma Josephine's house, the explosion occurs. His necklace somehow ends up outside the burning house next to where the protagonist landed.

Random Facts:

He calls the protaganist "pipsqueak" and Josephine "Gran"

He doesn't like cilantro

He can make braised chicken wings

He jokes(?) that he "talked her into becoming a hunter"

When the protaganist expresses concern for Grandma Josephine's health, Caleb announces that he applied for a long-term care ward for her (without consulting/informing either of them about it)

Zayne's family and the protaganist's family had been friends for years, occasionally getting together for meals. So, Caleb also knows Zayne, but he hasn't seen him in a long time

Written on his necklace are the words "When U come back". It was a parting gift the protaganist gave him before he left for the Aerospace Academy.

When Caleb calls her after her first day, he says things at his job have been peaceful and his current military flight operation had wrapped up nicely. But other than a few basic details, he says the information is top secret. The protaganist then says "everything is a secret with you people in the Deepspace Aviation Administration".

Speculation:

The Passing Car?

When Caleb is confronting the protaganist about lying to him, something kind of strange happens. Just as he's asking "If not me, who else could you possibly...", he trails off as we hear a car passing by. The light reflects off of his hair and face as it does. And it's after the car passes that he has that realization he says she wouldn't understand.

I only point this out because I've never seen that happen in scenes with other characters when they're near a street. Because of that, it felt like an intentional detail to potentially take note of?

The Explosion

I find it too eery of a coincidence that the topic of explosions comes up the same day there's an explosion at Grandma Josephine's house. And Caleb delaying her entry, going inside first, and the explosion happening seconds after he closes the door is kinda... kinda sus

Shadowed Man?

I won't rewrite it all here, but I posted this theory about Caleb and the shadowed man Rafayel meets at the Nest.

[softpascalito]

I To Dig a Grave I Chapter 2 I

Summary: Twenty-one years after the outbreak, you come to Wyoming looking for something and end up in Jackson after a stranger saves your life.

But he doesn't stay a stranger.

Turns out Joel Miller is looking for something too. It feels like a fresh start. But when bad luck seems to follow you, Joel is the only one to turn to, forcing both of you to confront your feelings about your pasts- and each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 7k+ Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Smut, Explicit Content, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Canon-Typical Violence, Chose not to use Archive Warnings, Tags to be added

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist // Playlist

notes: i can't tell you all how i excited i am to get this fic going! thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter, i promise there is a lot of cool stuff to come!

this fic will deal with heavy topics. please note that it doesn't use archive warnings and tags will be added as we go in order to avoid spoilers. each chapter will have detailed warnings in the end notes on ao3.

Chapter 2 - The Patrol

‘Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.’  - Richard Silken, The Worm King’s Lullaby

There is a thin sheet of ice covering the streams that are heading downwards. It crunches under the hooves of their horses that dutifully carry them up the hill and past the gas station. Joel is glad that it's Tommy next to him. He's more tense than he's felt in ages, a gnawing feeling in his stomach that has little to do with the skipped breakfast and a lot with the worry that is etched into the frown between his brows. He wouldn't want anyone to see him like this, much less try and calm him down, something he knows is a lost battle.

“They might be fine, Joel,” his younger brother says gently, just loud enough for him to hear. Tommy thinks there will be no response until one comes, a little too late for it to not be premeditated.

“She talked about leaving, sometimes. They would be stupid enough to run off-”

“And leave Jackson?” Tommy raises a brow. “Maria said their house looked normal, all their things still in place. They wouldn't be stupid enough to leave all that behind.”

Joel doesn't want to hear it. He knows, better than anyone. Knows that you wouldn't just leave, not without saying goodbye to the children you'd come to care about so much. Would you leave him without a goodbye?

He almost hopes you would. Because if you didn't leave willingly, what was the alternative? It would've been nearly impossible for someone to take you from inside Jackson with no one noticing. But he can't shake the feeling that something is off.

It’s Tommy who has to keep reminding him to ride slow, to keep an eye on the ground for possible tracks. Joel just wants to go, to spur Old Beardy on until they're galloping up the hill, despite not knowing where it is he needs to go. He just wants to find you. Preferably in one piece, happy and healthy. 

He would’ve missed it.

The small footprints leading off the road and onto a smaller path, one that's twisting through pines and further into the woods. 

Tommy nods. “Pretty sure ‘tis the one that leads to the hunting cabin.”

It only takes a few minutes for them to be sure. The wooden cabin is hidden away behind a few trees, difficult to spot if you don't know where to look. It doesn't really serve any purpose, at least not anymore. The roof at the back caved in years ago, allowing rain and plants alike to enter the dimly lit room. It’s less than five miles from the gate of Jackson, tucked away from the main road.

He can’t help but think that this would be the perfect place to run off to. Or to hide a body.

Joel is off his horse in a second, not even bothering to tie the stallion's halter to the wooden posts in front of the cabin. Without thinking, he tugs his revolver out of his waistband, using his foot to nudge the door open.

He smells it before his eyes even have a chance to adjust to the dim light. The unmistakable stench of blood. And mixed with it, creating an odor that immediately makes him sick to his stomach, the smell of gunpowder in the air.

***

The sun has been slowly rising while you’ve been flipping through the pages, trying to find the volumes you’re looking for. The library of Jackson, though rather small, has been frequented more and more, especially in the winter months when the weather doesn’t always allow activities outside and people resort to what they’ve always known: Books.

The entire place is supposed to be relocated soon, to a small store on main street. But compared to the greenhouses needing repairs and the stables being expanded, books don't seem to be a priority for most of the townsfolk.

“Books can’t feed us or keep us safe,” Maria pointed out when you brought the slow progress up to her. You politely disagree. You feel like you could live off books for the rest of your life.

Still, packing up everything means the old place, a shed tucked away behind the church, is currently a mess. Sagging bookshelves, a leaky roof and too many books for too little space means chaos. One that only few bother to navigate in its current state. You among them.

It was the crack of dawn when you slipped out of the house, deciding to let Lane sleep in while you walked through the still empty streets to the far end of the town, hoping to get the library work out of the way before the first lesson of the day.

Maria is the one that finds you, making your head peek up from between two shelves with a frown. “You changed your mind on those books?”

She gives a small laugh, one that sounds oddly like relief. Then her face becomes stern again, the look she carries much more often. “You two have some explaining to do, do you realize that?”

Now it's your turn to frown. “We two?” She pauses at that, looking around the small room. But there is no one here but you and her and the characters bleeding from the pages.

“Is Lane not with you?”

You shake your head, turning your attention back to the book in your hands. “She has the 8AM class today.” 

“She's not there,” Maria curtly responds. You can tell she's trying to keep her voice steady but there is a hint of anxiety regardless. 

“Then she overslept again,” you half guess-half ask, closing the book again.

“She's not at home either.”

An odd feeling crawls over your body. You can't remember what was in your hands a moment ago, but the question is forgotten in an instant. Maria carefully watches as you step out from between the shelves, her tone still gentle. “I've sent Tommy and Joel out to search. We thought you two snuck out.”

You feel numb as you shake your head. “No, I- I didn't see her this morning. I thought she was still asleep.” You rack your brain for the memories of this morning, of last night, of the last week even. But nothing comes to mind, nothing out of the ordinary.

“I was out late last night, finishing up some paperwork,” you mutter, more to yourself than the woman in front of you, retracing your steps in your mind. “Lane got home before me, I had dinner, we talked about blueberries-”

“Blueberries?” Maria asks, her hand already back on the doorknob. She seems restless and it's that fleeting detail that worries you more than anything. Maria stays in control. Always. 

“Yeah, we- It doesn't matter. I don't know where she is,” you finish lamely, getting up and joining her at the door. But she hasn't moved yet.

“You should stay at home. I'm sure she'll show up again soon and if she comes back to your place, someone should be there.” You nod but your mind is already drifting again. Lane’s been doing fine, good. So have you, really. Maria gently reaches for your shoulder, steering you out of the shed and towards the church, down the street that leads to the center of Jackson. 

You're passing the small graveyard that's protected by brick walls, the stones already withered, pale in contrast to the dark metal fence running along on top. The gate is ajar, but you barely pay it any attention as the information settles in your brain. It takes a few seconds for it to reach your mouth and leave your lips.

“She went out a few times.” 

“Out?” Maria enquires, raising an eyebrow as her attention shifts back to you.

“I thought she'd met someone. Cat and her were pretty close and I figured-” You give a small shrug. It's more than uncomfortable, suddenly, and absurd, that you're discussing Lane's private life so openly, with Maria of all people.

“Don't tell her I said that,” you add quickly. 

Maria nods as you reach the end of the brick wall. “I won't. I'll get back to the city hall and see if there’s any news yet. You go home.”

Your head nods as if on its own accord. Maria has already turned her back towards you when you pipe up. “Maria?” 

She pauses, her back straightening a bit. “Yes?”

“You don't think anything happened to Lane, do you?” 

The older woman shakes her head softly. “No. I'm sure she's fine. Now get home. Maybe she's already there.”

And she hurries off, leaving you at the corner of the street with a trembling body and a heavy feeling in your stomach. For a fleeting moment, you allow your thoughts to wander past the point you've been dreading to consider. What if something has happened? If Lane did sneak out, maybe with Cat, maybe alone, and got into some sort of situation? What if she's hurt?

The sky has turned from pink to a light blue, only a few clouds piling around the mountains on the horizon. You glance down at your hands, shaking ever so slightly. You decide to blame it on the cold. The cold that may be getting to your head as well. Because after a few moments, you turn on your heels, heading for the stables. It's only a few rows of houses until the large wooden wall looms in front of you, blocking out the little sunlight you could get in the morning. The wall that protects you from what lies beyond. Infected and Raiders and maybe, you think, as you slip into the stables, maybe answers.

if you enjoyed the chapter, please consider reblogging/sharing and commenting, every single notif on this fic makes my heart swell with love <3

[officialdaydreamer00]

Flowers of a summer day

in which your significant other finally agreed to go outside with you for an impromptu picnic.

pairing: idia shroud x yuu/reader

contents: short oneshot, this is just angst with a happy ending tbh, idia might be ooc pls don't shoot me (^-^; ), reader is referred to as yuu, gender neutral reader and narrated with you/yours, reader has powers to manipulate plants (mainly flowers) to a certain extent

★ the daydreamer speaks — my entry for @cloudcountry's sweet shroud summer 2024!! this is literally an excuse to stimulate the brainworms hehe. also i was braiding my hair and my brain went "gasp. idea!! :D" and there you have it ^-^

do i tag? yes, i do. my main idia liker: @edith-is-a-cat, others: @identity-theft-101 @ferris-the-wheel @xen-blank @twistwonderlanddevotee @loser-jpg @lemonchuu

remember to reblog if you enjoy my work!!

"Is all of this really necessary?"

A chuckle.

"Well, yes, it is."

Summer was just around the corner.

The sun was shining brightly, accompanied by clouds bracketed to the clear blue sky. Flowers glimmered, blooming under the sunlight like jewels. The summer's breezes picked up their faint yet comforting scents, carrying them to distant lands. It was hot out in the flower field, indeed, but the forest surrounding it and a pond nearby helped cooled the air down. Birds took places hidden in the trees, singing a special harmony only they could do, tying every pieces of details together for a lovely summer day.

... It was also how Idia found himself sitting under a tree looking towards his beloved's flower field, having his hair braided and played with.

"You're killing me with the sun, Yuu-shi..."

You only chuckled at his incessant mutterings under his breath as your hands skilfully wove through his fiery long hair, braiding in flowers you grew with love and magic every now and then as you saw fit.

"But how can I refuse Ortho when he personally asked for my help?"

"That's—... Fair enough..."

He grew quiet as you continued on with your little mission.

If it was several years ago, someone told him that he'd have someone who loved and cared for him for his entirety, he'd malfunction and dismiss it as a cruel joke one would say to him. Until you came into his life, what with the ruckus in the opening ceremony.

He still didn't exactly get why you chose him. Him, of all people.

Every time he looked at you, you always shined, as bright as the sun, and as serene as the moon. Even in the drkest times, after every trouble you faced during your time on campus, you would still shine, as if nothing could diminish the light of your aura.

And he envied you for that.

Compared to you, he was no one special, a strange individual even, and not in a good way. Seven, he would agree if you outright said that to his face. He hope you didn't think of him so low like that, however, since it's not like you befriended him if you thought so, right?

... Right?

Oh, who was he kidding? Would you still be with him if you saw how weird he actually was? Would you get tired of him? Would you leave him one day? He would understand if you do leave him behind one day, but by Seven, would it hurt so much and he would never leave his room again if you—

—The sound of you humming tore through his suffocating thoughts, saving him from sinking even deeper down that rabbit hole.

'Right... No point in dweling into that anymore...' He thought, focusing on the soft hands threading through his hair.

You chose him. You stayed by his side, willingly. And even after everything he did, you forgave him. And you loved him for who he was.

"And... Done! There we go."

He looked so different in the mirror that you carried along, with his fiery hair cascading down his back, and the peonies and violets woven in the intricate braids. A lovely product of your creative mind.

He felt himself smiling, his hair glowing a soft pink shade. It was a comforting thought, knowing he could live with moments like this. For eternity, if you would agree.

Perhaps going outside once in a while wasn't as bad as he thought it was.

[nsharks]

white bandages (the process of healing) | simon "ghost" riley

part 2 to this fic. I will very likely have a part 3 to wrap things up. —tags: tw blood, ghost + therapy, mild angst, fluff too —running out of pictures to use of this man so this is an edit by @ave661

Fluorescent light falls over an unmasked face. It highlights every ridge of every scar, his shorn stubble, his pale skin. When was the last time Simon Riley took a good look in the mirror? He can't remember— there are many things he works hard to avoid, and his own name is scribbled at the top of the list.

That first night without you, he finds himself in front of the mirror and half expects to see a ghost staring back at him. A corpse, maybe.

But, instead, he sees a man who lives and breathes. A man whose need for sleep is evident in the grey blotches under his eyes. A man whose eyes are anything but empty.

I feel nothing.

No—a ghost feels nothing. A ghost would've been able to forget how you looked at him, your eyes wide with the same fear he used to stare at his old man in. But Simon is not a ghost, and he remembers the fresh images with a pain that starts in his ribs and works its way to the pit of his stomach. Burning. It is a pain so unfamiliar that he doesn't know what to do with it—

—so he seeks a pain that he does know.

Pain that bursts in his hand the moment it meets the mirror. Pain accompanied by the splintering of glass as he hits the mirror over and over, and not once does he make a sound or cry or anything of the sort. He just breathes heavily and, once the mirror is not much of a mirror anymore, he looks at his hand and sees the bits of glass and the blood, and - fucking hell - it does nothing to mask what he feels in his chest.

"Jesus Christ."

He sighs.

His breathing slowly begins to settle.

And then he gets out the medical kit he keeps in the cabinet, sits with it on his bed, and carefully picks out the glass from his hand.

He knows how to take care of this wound. Knows exactly what to do to fix it.

But there are some things Ghost— Simon— doesn't know how to fix; wounds that are far too deep for him to reach. And as he wraps his hand up with some gauze, he remembers what you'd said to him earlier that day, so damn caring and gentle, even in your desire to get away from him:

I think you need help. You deserve it, Simon.

------

You loved the snow.

One time, you made Simon build a snowman with you. Well— it was more like you building the snowman while he watched and critiqued it. Your snowman looks like he's seen some rough shit, pet. Jesus, where is his smile? You had pouted through your laughter, nudging his shoulder. You can't judge him for not smiling, Si. Just like I don't judge you for it.

Of course, you ended up with a handful of snow in your hair for that one.

Quite the mouth on you today, huh?

And then he was rolling his eyes and lifting up his mask to kiss you as your hands combed out the ice from your hair, and you swore you felt him smiling against your lips— but you could never know for sure.

You loved that snowy day with him.

But now—

Now you're not sure if you're so happy about the snow you wake up to.

It's been a week of space. Work has been your main distraction, and you know you need to get the fallen snow off your windshield before you can make it there today.

But when you walk out into the white morning with a coat slipped over your pajamas, you find that your car is already being cleared off by a familiar silhouette with broad shoulders and a black, winter coat.

The cold squeezes your chest. Your heartbeat is swallowed up.

Seven days ago, you had begged him for space. Seven days ago, you left his place with defeat thick in your veins.

Today, you're not sure what you feel as you simply stand there for a moment. Your cheeks bitten to pink by the air and your arms crossed over your body. You watch him draw the brush over the hood, so easily, with one hand stuffed in his pocket, but then his eyes are drifting up— up until they land on where you stand a few meters away, and your fingertips dig into the palms of your hands.

He's the first one to speak. A man of few words who leans the brush against your car and utters a simple:

"Hey."

"Hey," you clear your throat, "Um, why are you doing this?”

He takes a step closer to you, but only one. A tentative step that keeps a good gap between your bodies, where faint flakes of snow fill the space.

“I know we are havin’ space right now," he murmurs. Gentle, murky eyes hold your stare. He slips the hidden hand out from his pocket, only for a short moment, to brush off the snow from his other hand, and you spot the flash of white bandages before it disappears into his coat again.

"But I also know you're workin' today so I thought I'd just... make your morning easier.”

"Thanks," your eyes drift to the ground. "But I don't know— I'm not sure if I'm ready..."

"S'okay," he says, gruff yet incredibly careful, a tiptoe over what lays damaged. "I'm not askin' anything of you, alright?"

“Alright,” you say quietly before your eyes drift to his pocket. “What happened to your hand?”

You’re not sure why you are asking him, and you doubt if the truth will even leave his lips. Wounds— over a year with him, and you’d witnessed plenty. Wounds that you only ever found out about when your fingers would graze under his shirt as he fucked you, and you’d carefully ask what happened as you both lay there breathless. Nothin’ worth telling you about, was his usual answer.

But today, with a peppering of snow on his mask and a sigh pooling from his breath, he tells you earnestly, “Broke my bloody mirror, is what happened.”

“What?”

“Look— it’s not important, yeah? There’s somethin’ else… somethin' else I wanted to tell you before you go to work, and I don’t expect anythin’ from you, but I just thought I should tell you.”

“I— okay,” you blink rapidly, still hung up on the mirror part. But you nod your head and shift your weight from foot to foot, willing yourself to listen to what he wants to tell you because maybe your heart is beginning to thump firm, expectant beats against your ribs, and maybe there are flakes of hope peppering the defeat in your chest, just like the snow that dusts Simon’s shoulders.

But what Simon has to tell you feels like pebbles in his mouth. He’s not good with words; his failure with them seven days ago is a testament to that. These pebbles sit behind his teeth for a lingering moment, before he finds the strength to push them out between the cracks.

(Perhaps, it’s all your patience and care for even the darkest parts of him that has finally given him this strength.)

“I talked to someone yesterday,” he tells you.

He exhales immediately.

You’re not sure if you’ve heard him correctly at first - there is no way? - but the words hang in the cold air as he stares at you with lowered brows, studying the expression on your face, and your lips part open like a bloody koi fish because this is not at all what you expected him to say.

“Really?” you finally breathe, a lilt of relief catching at the end. “You did?”

“Get it free through the military,” he mumbles with a nod, clearing his throat. “Thought a lot about what you said, yeah?”

Numbly, you sputter again, “You did?” But then you shake your head and rub your arms, “Sorry, I mean— that’s so good to hear, Simon. That’s just… How was it?”

“Bloody difficult,” he admits in a mumble, and only you, the person closest to him these days, are able to detect the minor tremor in his voice. “But - fuck - I’m gonna keep doin’ it.”

“Maybe it’ll get easier,” you tell him, drawing an arm over your eyes.

“Yeah.”

“I’m… really proud of you.”

You’re not even fully aware of your crying— no, you’re too focused on the sudden warmth that floods your chest because it is now you realize that if there is no worse feeling than watching someone you care for refuse to help themselves, then there is also no better feeling than hearing that help is something they are finally seeking.

And you care about Simon.

You have for so long, even when the agreement was just sex. Even when you'd flinched away. Even when you spent a week distracting yourself from thoughts of him.

This agreement you shared had turned into care. And you care, you care, you care. You care so much that you forget about the space you'd begged him for in this moment that you rush over to him, closing the cold and hesitant gap as your arms wrap around his neck and your forehead presses into his coat.

But the body against you is stiff and unmoving.

Your smile of relief turns into something apologetic and confused when two strong hands gently push you away.

You peer up at him.

"Don't think that's a good idea, pet."

"What?" you exhale, frowning.

He puts his hands back into his pockets. "I've hurt you, yeah?"

"I know, but—"

"I never want to do that again," he murmurs firmly. "Need some more time before I can make that promise to you."

Your heart sinks and floats and tries to swim through everything you feel. You can't discern all the feelings— there's so much. A flood. He's looking down at you as if you are the most fragile thing and as if, even by just getting too close, he might frighten you again.

"More space, then?" you whisper, stepping back.

Where you'd been the one to start it, now you are the one disappointed by it.

The short nod he gives is confirmation, but before you can get too down about it, he allows this: his good hand reaching out to grab yours. He kisses your knuckles with warm, masked lips.

"I care about you," he murmurs against your hand. "So goddamn much."

"I care about you, too."

"I know," and he lowers your hand, carefully rubbing the back of it. "Wanna be the kind of man you deserve. But I need to—" and his bandaged hand lifts up to tap a finger against his temple, "Need to sort through all the shit in here, yeah?"

"Okay," you whisper, nod, and sniffle. "They'll help you with it. You just have to let them in, Simon."

But he doesn't have anything to say to that— his source of words is a bit depleted. This week has drained him in every way possible, visible to you in the bags under his eyes. A squeeze of your hand is the last thing he has to offer before he lets it go, and then he is off to finish clearing your car.

(Although, you already know you will have a hard time getting to work on time this morning.)

[samble-movedd]

madohomu isn't "toxic".

madohomu isn't "abusive".

the behaviors they exhibit that are labeled this way only seem such because they are out of context.

for example. pre-rebellion, there were "homura antis" who called homura an abuser (no, i am not making this up, check out @/magicalgirlfanproblems' pmmm tags) for things like her yelling at madoka. out of context, ofc this sounds mean and malicious. but in context, 99% of the time she says something "mean" to madoka in the main series or raises her voice is because madoka is about to make a literal canon deal with the devil that would lead to her dying in horrifying ways. it's the same way you shouldn't normally yell at a child, but yelling "don't touch that!" in panic if they're about to touch a hot stove makes sense and isn't "bad" with the context.

during and post-rebellion, this "homura is an evil abuser, madohomu is toxic" issue only got worse, because again, without context, homura seems to be controlling and malicious.

...but the "proof" that's used to prove this, again, lacks context.

"homura forces madoka out of godhood against her will". yes. but she is doing this because when she previously spoke to madoka (who had her memories of being a goddess gone, unbeknownst to homura), madoka said that being such would distress her, and she couldn't imagine bearing it. that she wouldn't ever want to do this. ofc, memories restored madoka wanted to stay a goddess, but homura didn't know this — it's also heavily implied that what she said while without memories were her true thoughts on the matter, and any "no, i love doing it" statement is mostly posturing.

related to this is the plot point a lot of people also miss, where being this goddess figure puts madoka in constant danger of being captured or controlled by the incubators, a species that canonically have caused the deaths of billions of children, and who do not care about human morals regarding this. it's openly stated that, even if homura had allowed madoka to save her and not acted, the incubators would have just done the same labyrinth experiment with literally any other magical girl they could get their hands on, over and over, until they were able to end up controlling madoka. but even them just seeing her towards the end of rebellion was a massive danger, as they now know madoka is a person and not just a concept, and can be manipulated and caught.

homura's new world is also often used as "proof" homura is controlling and evil. but...her "new world" is one where all her friends are happy, and everyone has a nice time except her. madoka has her family and friends. mami isn't alone, because she has bebe/nagisa. nagisa, a girl she knew for maybe a week and had no prior connections with, is alive, and has a happy life with mami. kyoko and sayaka live together so that sayaka isn't an implied latchkey kid, and kyoko isn't constantly alone and isolated anymore.

homura did not have to do these things. if she just wanted madoka safe, she could have put her in a lonely world with literally no one else. homura doesn't even much like sayaka — she could have easily erased sayaka from the world, or made her miserable. but she doesn't do these things. she genuinely wants her friends (especially madoka) to be happy.

"but the new world is dangerous and unstable, homura is also putting madoka into danger!" madoka's world is also unstable, if you really want to split hairs. the big danger with homura's is someone (esp madoka) could remember the previous world and their roles in it. madoka's world...had homura fully remembering madoka and the previous world, even though this isn't meant to be possible. madoka's brother also remembered her on some level. if you want to get super technical, madoka also made an unstable world that put people in danger, as homura remembering madoka directly led to the incubators knowing about madoka and the previous witch system.

this isn't even going into the background. homura doesn't act cold because she's bored and wants to, she's seen her friends die literally a hundred times or more in various horrifying ways. if you're going to complain about her personality while ignoring canon and context, you really need to channel every single pmmm character hate post i saw from the 2010s and hate all of them, because none of them are as flawless as people seem to want homura to be. madoka cries a lot and has a tendency to do things without thinking. sayaka "died over a dumb crush" if you really want to emulate posts from 2015. mami is a useless character only there for shock value. kyoko is an overly aggressive weirdo. if you're going to hold the same beliefs about homura as people did a decade ago, you can't be this choosey. and yet 99% of modern character hate for pmmm nowadays is directly almost solely at homura, as though she's the only flawed character in the show.

there are still posts made in this very year about this. here's one my mutual @angelroute found (yes, posted in 2024):

and not only is it deeply ironic (seeing this person had a madoka icon while being so hateful), ignorant of canon (with being a magical girl portrayed as a positive in the show where it leads to dying horrifically), and weirdly vindictive (op is thirty and this mad at a fictitious middle schooler), but it shows how strange and backwards 90% of "anti homura" arguments are at their core. they're perfectly fine spitting on canon and all context to call homura and homura alone an evil character while covering their ears to anything that may suggest otherwise.

ive seen homura called a rapist and a predator, though there's nothing even remotely sexual in canon and nothing that ever even implies this is a possibility. homura being a creep is/was a major fanon trope. homura being an abuser as a fanon belief is so prevalent that people believe it when most of canon points to the opposite —

she's not actually evil or abusive, she's a child who never got help for trauma, and genuinely believes she's following what her best friend would have wanted. she's not doing what she does in rebellion because she got bored and decided she just wanted to control madoka, she is trying to protect her and is misguided from what memory-less madoka said, so believes she's following madoka's actual desires.

she's not evil. she needed help desperately and never got it, and half the fandom falls for the facade of "im sick and twisted" put up by a middle schooler.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello! Do you have any recommendations of fics where Crowley or Aziraphale become disabled but don't go back to abled at the end? I know this is more common in human AUs, but I really like the show's concept of disabled angels/demons and in almost every fic I read with this applied to the main characters it ends with them not disabled anymore as part of the "happy ending" which is a big pet peeve of mine, so if you could recommend ones where this doesn't happen you'd be doing me a solid favor!

Hi! Tags we have that you may be interest in are #crowley has chronic pain, #blind crowley, #autistic aziraphale, and #crowley has ptsd. Here are some non-human au fics with permanent disabilities...

No One Falls On Purpose by ForSnaken (G)

Five times Crowley and Aziraphale laughed off a real problem and one time Crowley let himself be cared for. Inspired by that interview/tumblr post where David Tennant says he couldn't see all that well with the contacts and sunglasses

Of Wasting Stars by Lev (M)

After the apocalypse that wasn't, Aziraphale's new body starts breaking down.

So Sick of Late by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

While caring for a sick Crowley, Aziraphale has a chronic illness flare-up of his own. Can they take care of each other?

How I Care for My Husband by MostWeakHamlets (G)

A.Z Fell Cooking uploads an unusual video. Instead of a new recipe, Mr. Fell shows everyone how he cares for his husband, Anthony, on his worst days. Spring is around the corner, and Aziraphale is ready to see Crowley start to recover from his usual winter complaint. However, a new member of the family comes along, and it doesn't seem to be as smooth of a recovery as Aziraphale had hoped for.

The Quality of Mercy by AlineRusu (G)

"Aziraphale had heard the word before. He knew it was invented during the Fall as punishment for those like Crawly who turned away from the Almighty’s Grace. Even so, he wasn’t sure he understood the concept, but Crawly didn’t need to know that." In which Aziraphale's corporation wasn't put together quite perfectly and he learns to accept himself as he is (with Crowley's help.)

Struggles and Caring by Azicrownumber1fan (NR)

Post the hypothetical events of season 3 Crowley and Aziraphale finally live together in peace. However Aziraphale is struggling heavily with his mental health and a new chronic illness. Crowley does his best to care for him.

- Mod D

[coupsie-daisies]

Kinktober '23: Virginity | Min Yoongi

Pairing: GN!Reader x Min Yoongi

Genre: Smut (minors DO NOT interact), Kinktober 2023

Summary: You finally tell Yoongi, the guy you probably shouldn't be fucking around with, that you're a virgin. Nothing could have prepared you for his reaction.

WC: 2.3k

Warnings: Reader is described having a vulva and breasts, but uses gender neutral pronouns, virginity loss (a dumb construct), unprotected sex, mentions of alcohol consumption, marijuana mention, fingering, Yoongi has a dirty mouth and a bit of a possessive streak, creampie, soft Yoongi

A/N: Here we go, kinktober day 1!! Hopefully yall like it, and forgive me if I fall behind schedule. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for my kinktober fics

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18 // @decaffedthoughts // @brownieracha // @ferrethyun // @snow-pegasus // @wonuqrtz // @mixling-blog

Main Masterlist

Kinktober '23 Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any other platform is prohibited

You felt ridiculous underneath Yoongi, the thought clouding your mind as you kissed him, as his hands pushed up your shirt to expose more of your stomach for him to touch. And the worst part was that you felt even more ridiculous for thinking about it so much.

You had been fooling around with Yoongi for a couple of weeks now. You'd met at a party one of your older friends had invited you to, and you knew Yoongi by reputation only. He was a bit of a fuckboy, he'd slept with plenty of people and made quite a name for himself as an 'experience'. It was actually a little terrifying the way people talked about him, like he was something everyone had to experience.

But he'd been kind when you'd met him, introduced by your friend Hoseok with a request to help keep an eye on you. You'd been offended, actually, at the implication that you couldn't look out for yourself. But having Hobi's friends around to keep an eye on you had actually been quite nice, eliminating the need to socialize with strangers and all that. Yoongi had kept a drink in your hand, though sometimes swapping it out for water when he'd decided you should slow down, and eventually you ended up sitting on a couch, sidled up to him as he smoked up with his friends.

The first time you kissed Yoongi he was high, and you were maybe a little more tipsy than you should have been. But it was the start of something great. You and Yoongi were friends, maybe not the closest of friends but he wasn't a stranger. You felt safe with him, and you could go to each other with your needs. Any needs. Which was how you ended up under him now, his fingers rubbing firm, fast circles against your aching clit.

"Yoongi, please," You whined. He smirked, and you cursed him silently because you really did understand why everyone was obsessing over his skills.

"Please what, pretty baby?" He asked, leaning down to kiss your throat, and you huffed.

"Please, wanna cum. That's what you came over for, right? To get me off, help me destress." You were being annoying, you were sure, but you didn't care in the least. You just wanted to get off, and Yoongi had promised to help you relax. But instead he had you winding so tight you thought your muscles would tear.

"Not gonna make you cum on my fingers, baby. You want to be fucked stupid, right? Don't wanna think anymore? Gonna make you all dumb on my cock instead."

His words sent a rush of arousal through you, wetness dripping out to slick onto his fingers. But even so, he stopped, feeling the way you tensed under him. His fingers were slower now, barely giving you anything as he pulled back and gave you a questioning look.

"You don't want that?" He asked. You and him had never gone that far, sticking to dry humping or going down on each other, sometimes he'd slide his fingers into you, but that was different.

"No! I mean, I do! It's just..." You squirmed, blinking away your building anxiety. Yoongi stopped entirely, sitting back to give you space to breathe, but the distance only made you feel naked, much more exposed than you would have liked.

"You know you can tell me. We communicate. I promised to take care of you, I'm still gonna do that." He promised you, and you fought off a small, surprised expression. You hadn't imagined he'd taken it that seriously back then, let alone now.

"I'm a virgin." You said finally, avoiding his eye. There was quiet, and you squirmed before Yoongi was towering over you, his hand gripping your chin to lift your gaze back to him.

"You've been letting me play with you all this time, and you just weren't gonna tell me that?" He asked, his thumb tracing over your lower lip. You could swear his gaze was only getting more intense, and you swallowed.

"It's embarrassing," You admitted. He huffed out a tiny laugh, his eyebrow quirking upwards in the way that always had you going a little bit feral.

"Embarrassing? What about me being able to ruin you for any other man is embarrassing, pretty thing?" He asked. You felt a quiet squeak slip past your lips. You quickly regained your confidence though, not wanting to give him the upper hand.

"So you wouldn't be able to ruin me for anyone else if I'd already slept with another person? Good to know," You teased, lips curling into a troublesome grin. He rolled his eyes, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. Then his lips were pressed to the sensitive spot just under your ear, his tongue dragging over it before sucking hard. Your body pressed closer towards his, rolling into the warmth that washed over you.

"Oh, baby, I already have." He whispered, his attention trailing further down your neck, leaving tiny bruises that you knew would bloom bright overnight. Your fingers laced through his hair, tugging lightly as a silent plea for him to leave his teasing and move on. He groaned quietly, not seeming to want to wait either.

He sat back, taking a minute to admire you as if he hadn't seen you laying naked beneath him more times than he could count on one hand. You felt a new wave of arousal rush through you under his attention. His hands brushed your stomach, sliding up to cup your tits, thumbs brushing in feather-light touches over your nipples as if he would hurt you if he touched them too firmly. You released a breathy moan, your eyes shutting as you basked in the attention.

"Gonna make you feel so good." He said, quietly enough that it was almost like he was talking to himself, but you knew better with the way his hands lowered down to knead at your thighs, feeling the soft plush flesh under his fingertips before pushing them wider apart.

You were entirely exposed to him, and even though he'd touched you just a little while earlier, this felt so much more intimate. His fingers slid easily through the wetness leaking from your hole, teasing you with slow, careful touches before sliding two into you, scissoring them and curling them carefully. His eyebrows were furrowed as he focused on the slide of his fingers inside your pussy, his tongue poking against his bottom lip. The attention had you hot all over and you squirming which only forced his fingers to prod a little harder against that spot you loved. You keened, his name on the tip of your tongue but coming out instead as a long whine.

"Please, need you. Don't wanna wait anymore. Waited forever." You huffed. He smiled, a genuine, brilliant smile as his thumb flicked over your clit. And then, finally he was pulling his hand away, maneuvering the two of you with gentle touches until he was settled between your legs, the tip of his cock nudging against your folds.

"Say it again," He requested, the head of his aching length running teasing circles around your clit. "Say you need me, tell me how bad."

"Yoongi," You huffed, and he dipped his cock ever so slightly between your swollen pussy lips, laying enough pressure over your entrance to make you choke on your complaints. Any shame or frustration gave way to pure desperation to feel more of him, to be full of him, surrounded by him. "Please, I need you. Need you so bad I could cry, want you to be my first, want you to take me."

Your words made him hiss, his hips pressing carefully forward, nudging his cock into you inch by inch. You tipped your head back against the pillows, your back arching off the bed and pushing you closer to him, needing more of him, needing him closer. One of your hands scrambled to find his waist, pulling him down closer to you. He didn't hesitate to give in, lowering himself until your chests were pressed together, his face tucked into the crook of your neck and his hips continuing their slow, steady roll against yours. It was another few moments before he was fully sheathed in your tight, wet warmth. His weight rested on his forearm beside you, his other hand gripping at your hip, thumb tracing over the curve there.

"Feel so fucking perfect wrapped around me, shit," He grumbled, voice muffled against your skin, but you heard them all the same, your walls fluttering around him as you tried to get used to the feeling of having him inside of you. He was definitely hitting places you'd never felt before, stretching you out more than his fingers ever had and making the fire in the pit of your stomach burn hotter, the flames consuming you and turning your inhibitions to ash.

"I need more. Fuck me, baby, please. Can take it." You begged, your fingers stroking through his hair again. He shifted, the movement pulling him out of you, and you almost sobbed when he rolled his hips back to draw most of the way out before sliding back in with ease. The rolling thrusts of his hips were slow, easy, and you melted into them. You tugged at his hair with one hand, the other dragging your nails against his waist, pulling him impossibly closer until you were breathing him in.

"Can't believe I haven't done this yet." He mumbled, sucking at your shoulder until a pretty little mark was left in his wake. "You're fucking made for me, built for my dick. Never gonna let you go. All mine, gonna take such good care of you."

He was almost as fucked as you were, his breath coming out in pants as his hips sped up. He slid his hand down, pulling your thigh up to wrap around his hips, drilling himself even deeper and groaning when you moaned his name, tightening around him.

"There," You managed to gasp, and Yoongi shifted, giving himself a little more leverage to speed up, fucking against the spot that had made you react so perfectly for him. He wondered under the fog of his mind if you'd ever felt it before, if your fingers could reach it, if you had been waiting for him to find it. Or maybe, he hoped as he reached down to swirl his fingers around your clit, maybe you would only associate it with him. The spot that he hit just right, the spot that he could find with ease.

"Choking me," He hissed out, never easing up. Your legs tightened around his hips, and your walls sucked him in like every pullback of his cock was a loss you couldn't stomach. You were close, he knew that reaction, knew those sounds like the back of his hand and he was determined to feel you cum on his dick. "Go on, pretty, let go for me. I know you're almost there, you can let go."

His words were soft, sweet, washing over your like ocean waves and dragging you down into your orgasm, air ripping from your lungs as you released around him. You trembled, your hips grinding up to meet his desperate movements, and his movement slowed down to ease you through it.

His movements didn't stop even as you came down, and it was hard to say if he was urging you towards a second one or if he was just too transfixed by the feeling of your walls finally wrapping around him like they'd been waiting for him to slide into you.

"Want you to cum too," You said, the hand in his hair moving to guide his lips towards you, pulling him into a kiss. The taste of him on your lips was like a drug, his tongue slipping past your lips to map out your mouth and his teeth dragging against your lip, not hard enough to be considered a bite, but certainly enough for you to know he could. It didn't take anything more than the kiss to push him over the edge, his groan getting lost in the press of your lips, and his hips pressing flush into yours as he spilled into you.

The kiss slowed, still hungry and desperate, but languid now as if he were savoring the moment of you two pressed so close together. Once he was out of breath, he pulled away, nuzzling into your neck and dragging you as close as he possibly could given your position. He rolled you onto your side with him so the two of you were tangled together, his softening cock finally slipping out of you and his leg trapping yours between his own.

"How was it?" He asked after a few moments of stroking his fingertips against your waist. You kept your eyes closed, basking in his attention and letting a smile curl on your lips.

"It was perfect." You said, pressing closer so he couldn't see the way your smile grew.

"Only the best for my darling." He said, tipping your chin up to kiss you again. You smiled against his lips before pulling away a bit. He followed your lips, and you giggled.

"Yours, huh?" You asked, fingertips drumming against his bare chest.

"I want you to be. Always have. Now more than ever.  don't want anyone else to have you like I do." He confessed without hesitation, and the sincerity in his voice genuinely surprised you. Your teasing gaze softened, and you kissed him once more.

"Nobody will. They couldn't even if they wanted to. I'm all yours."

copyright 2023 coupsie-daisies, all rights reserved

[jazzyblusnowflake]

I've got one for ya. What were the first kisses in the N/V/Uzi relationship like. Uzi and N first, Uzi and V's first, and V and N's first.

(Bonus points for V and N's first kiss at the manner for some bittersweet angst)

Also, good golly gumdrops, love your stuff, even if you don't answer this one, still gonna keep enjoying

oh oh i love these kinds of ideas :"D tho it takes a bit of brain power to think of a good scene uhm.... lessee....

Ok so first up, although im still waiting for a canon first kiss for NUzi- since they are a thing now, i still like to think of something separate for my own version- [since obviously the main show isn't going towards a poly dynamic lmao]

See, we all know that the show is fast paced and its hard to find any empty spaces between each event, hell it almost feels like earth was blown apart and the DDs were on copper 9 the next day, Liam we need a fucking timeline order. 🙄 soooooo i personally like to imagine that there's a lot more time between events than is shown in the actual show. like- lets maybe put a few days between Uzi administrating N and V and the arrival of J and Cynessa- like.... maybe lets put a few NIGHTS between that??? what's the freaking rush 😭

But anyway yeah- i would put the first NUzi kiss somewhere around betwenn the camp and the flashback eps probably :p my idea would be that since the camp incidents, Uzi would be having a lot of bodily changes to deal with, one of which being her inability to tolerate the sun much anymore. other things would probably be the growth of literal flesh and blood and bones inside of her and lets make this morbid by adding her throwing up blood but keeping it a secret from everyone :p she may sneak back to the other two at night and stay with them- clearly shaken up- [V probably also being shaken up because on one hand she's terrified of seeing this transformation take place- but at the same time, she clearly cares enough about Uzi AND Ns happiness...] asking for help and advice- and the 3 grow closer during this. They practice with her for flying or controlling her tail- maybe some stuff on her control on oil hunger too. she probably also gets some fighting, sneaking and sparring practice with V-

//insert one of those cheesy moments where V riles up Uzi enough to tag her on the snowy ground but then realizes its the same position she got V in her solver!mode and starts panicking and pushing herself back- V getting back up and asking what the heck was that and Uzi just saying she doesn't want to hurt her and V is an insensitive jerk for making her spar with her in the first place and tries to fly away to calm down-..... which probably just ended with her falling face first in the snow and a lecture from both N and V.

overall they all started subconsciously getting even closer. tbh there's so many things i could add here but i gotta keep it a few NIGHTS not a few MONTHS until the next event 😭

either way during this i guess N and Uzi could have maybe ended up alone at some point- maybe after a flying lesson having gone right and they were a little too happy on top of a building or upturned bus or something lol- i imagine after a hug maybe Uzi asks if she could kiss N but quickly backtracks saying nvm it was stupid or something but N softly says its okay- //probably picks her up too, adding to her embarrassment- cuz she's short lmaooooo// and Uzi just decides to give a small unsure smooch- but decided to make it not too long. they decided to just hug after that to not let the other see them blushing like hell 😭 [also they didn't really decide anything after this cuz they are idiots????😭😭😭]

but anyway for the Vuzi first kiss i have no idea if or when V would return if she's been set to remain alive in the canon- but for me its probably when she appears again in her normal form, as herself. not a clone. Alice isn't alive to take the cores and make them sluggish with heat and the sentinels wouldn't have a chance against the solvers centipede lookin ass form.

Anyway if we consider that one way or another Uzi, N and V will meet up again, [and N and Uzi preferably get to share a better kiss this time-] the first thing Uzi is doing is landing a swift punch in Vs face and then kissing the daylights out of her- //confusing herself and everyone in the area in the process including V herself...// overall she would scold V on the whole "i trust you" shtick and leaving them alone- but yeah :p [ keep in mind that im also considering a few nights between when J and Cynessa show up and when they decide to actually go and find and search the labs, because PLOT REASONS :D ]

as for the first Envee kiss- ill do you one better and make it more angsty and say that N and V used to always spend time with each other and do silly things like hold hands in secret or send internal chat messages to eachother, draw and read books together- maybe N used to put flowers for her sometimes. But at some point a certain little corrupted drone started feeling possessive of her favorite "big brother" figure not spending time with her anymore...

one time, N had asked V if he could kiss her and at that they were both blushing messes but before V could respond they get interrupted- maybe by someone giving them orders or maybe by Cyn. either way, V quickly whispers to him "later, i promise" with a smile, making N happy and giddy. but the later never comes... V becomes comatose soon after... N sadly reading books to her and sometimes whispering to her to wake up and that she still has to keep her promise...

anyway after all things are said and done in the future and the solver is defeated- whether they are still living on copper 9 or any other planet idk- N, V and Uzi are all close, but since both N and V are close to Uzi, they also start spending more time with each other too. maybe one time on a walk or going out and about N was able to catch up with V and they reminisce about old memories they can now remember; and when V was finally able to open up a bit to N, he mentions that he still remembers the promise and asks her if he could kiss her again and she lets him.

and thaaaats all the brain power i have for tonight... i think... hope it made yall smile or cry or idk something lmao. :")

[piers-official]

OOC Post- Important Notice

//Hey everyone, I'm sure you've noticed my inactivity on here, and there is a reason for it.

//I've been avoiding this, and I really hate to say it but, I've lost inspo for my Pokemon irl/rp blogs. Yes, all of them.

//My interests and hyperfixation kinda snapped my neck towards another fandom, and I just haven't had inspiration or musings for RPing right now.

//So, that being said. I'm gonna place my blogs on hiatus. I won't delete them because, who knows, maybe they'll come back, but for now, I'm not having fun anymore keeping up with my muses. I want this to be fun, but I can't force myself to RP either.

//I still adore these characters, and I still love pokemon, but as of now, I'm focusing on other things.

//Another update to my life though: I'll be graduating from Pharm Tech school hopefully by the end of spring! So I'll have to pour my focus into that.

// Feel free to continue being friends with my muses, you don't have to pretend they're gone or act like they disappeared. If you're a mutual, and you wanna do anything with my muses on your blog, feel free to dm me and I can probably do a quick thing for you. Nothing extensive though, apologies.

//Thank you very much for understanding, and I'm sorry for any inconveniences. This community has been absolute delight, and I'll always remember how you welcomed me with open arms, even when it was just my OC Nox and none of these other guys.

//For now, take care of everyone. If you wanna follow me on my main or my art blog please do! @galactic-mermaid and @novastarrart (Fair warning, I have Garten of Banban brainrot, but you can block the tags of course) I will also be reblogging this to all my rp blogs so apologies if you follow multiple of them.

//Bye for now <3 Love ya /plat

[lilmisssona]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋 23 Reasons, Why I Love You 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Pairing: Idol Bf! I.N × Fem! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 5.4k+

Warnings and Tags: SMAU, Cursing, Established Relationship, mentions of cheating, basically INNIE'S being a d*ck here, angsty beginning, fluffy at the end.

A/N: My first one ahhh, it's my birthday gift for our maknae on top! It's a bit long so buckle up and Enjoy! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Reuse And Translation Not Allowed 🙅‍♀️🚫

✮⋆˙Main Masterlist ✮⋆˙

Four Days. It has been four days, since you last saw Jeongin, your boyfriend. Normally the day gap wouldn't bother you, as you were accustomed to the feeling of being alone.

Your boyfriend being an idol, would leave for days for concerts and interviews; sometimes even weeks...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

But this time its different. This time it was because of an argument. A stupid one at that. Over minimal things, over both of your assumptions.

And you've been fighting your urge everyday to not go knocking at his room and slapping some sense into him. After all it wasn't your fault anyways...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

"Babe, I was only trying to help," You argued. "Really YN ?" " I don't think you are" Jeongin paused before muttering...

" I don't want YOU out of all people to be pitying me "

"Is it that hard to go to a therapist Innie ?"

You softly cooed at him, looking up to his familiar doe eyes...But only an unfamiliar icy cold look stared back at you.

"If not, then let me take care of you, how does a warm bubble bath and some massages sound? ''

You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled. He flinched and withdrew his hand from yours.

" WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE A BABY ??? " He screamed.

" I'm not a baby anymore! I can take care of myself "

"Why are you..." He broke down, hot tears streaming down his face....

" Why are all of you telling me to do this, do that! I am fucking tired of it !!"

"Channie told me what's going on..."

" You don't sleep much nowadays, are always zoning out in practice and only come out of your bed to eat when the members call to you "

" You know you can always talk to me Innie ''

Your eyes are blurry now because of the tears so you looked down at the floor.

" So this is all a plot you made, so that you can get rid of me. " He glared at you.

" What ?? " You stared back at him, shocked.

" What does going to a therapist and taking care of yourself, have to do anything with me getting rid of you"

" And why would I do that!!!"

"Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time"

" I've seen the texts " He smirked.

" What The Fuck Jeongin ??" You spat back, glaring at him with tears in your eyes.

" What made you even think that I'm cheating on you ?"

"Idk" " You met him behind my back at the cafe last week."

"And you also said, don't tell Jeongin,"

" I watched you get all giggly with him"

"Oh... " You chuckled, relief washed all over you as you realised what's going on.

" You're completely mis reading the situation babe, it's not what it looks like "

" They always say that..." He muttered, clenching his teeth..

" Is that why you've been ignoring all my texts since the last week ?" You asked him calmly.

"You know what leave me actually"

"It'll do us both something good"

" You can finally get the peace you want."

You gasped, his words hitting you like a dagger in your chest.

" Do you even know what you're saying Jeongin ?" You screamed at him.

" Do you know why I met him ? No, right ? "

"Then how can you even assume I cheated on you "

" I don't know YN, it just doesn't seem right"

" I know I haven't been able to give you much time as I've been stressed out recently due to the upcoming comeback"

" I am dead tired inside and you.... " His voice is hoarse from all the crying..

" If you're happier with him, then I guess.."

"Jeongin...if that's what you think of me...I don't think..." You trailed off

" I should leave, I don't think I can do this anymore"

You watched him leave, closing the door behind him, a little too harshly.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

The sound of the oven beeping, made you snap out of your thoughts. You looked around, and lazily got up from your couch to the kitchen.

Taking out the reheated pizza and putting it on a plate, you aimlessly scrolled through channels until you found one, a boring sitcom. You looked at the screen mindlessly and munched on your pizza.

You were half an hour into the plot when a notification popped up on your phone screen.

Picking it up you checked, it was an event reminder...

Reminder: INNIE'S Birthday 🎂 8th Feb

You threw your phone to the other end of the couch in frustration. You buried your head in your hands as fresh tears streamed down your face.

Oh how excited you were, to plan his first birthday. It was also your first anniversary with him. As this was the day, 8 Feb, one year ago, that you met him, in a cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

You two hit it off immediately, talking till hours until the cafe owners kicked you out. After a few weeks of dating, he asked you out officially to be his girlfriend.

You finally thought you found the one, he's the most amazing human being and the sweetest boyfriend.

Sure, it hasn't always been pink skies and rosy days, you have had your differences. He was away most of the time. But you understood...

You understood how difficult it is the manage the idol life as it is, let alone having a hidden relationship at that.

Because the moments you two shared together, melted all your loneliness and worries away. But now everything has changed.

The once familiar face of your smiley boy now gave an unfamiliar, immense pain in your chest.

What have you even done wrong, anyways ? You were planning a surprise party for him.

You wanted everything to be perfect. So you were taking tips from Heesung on which dishes he misses the most from his hometown.

Not that you don't know. But you wanted to make sure its to his liking. And also you wanted to invite Heesung to Jeongin's birthday.

It was going to be a surprise one, so you wanted Heesung to distract him anyhow, from going to your home that day.

At Least until 5:30 as you'll have everything ready by that time.... But he thought you...were...cheating on him. Oh how could he even think of that ?

" Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time."

" You know what leave me actually" "It'll do us both something good "

" Crushing on Heesung ?" "Since when did he think that I am crushing on his best friend ?"

You muttered to yourself.

Heesung is nothing but like an older brother to you and an amazing friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Another notification popped up on your phone. You got up again from your seat, to pick up your phone that you threw away at the other end of the couch. It was a text from Chan.

You read the messages but decided to not reply to them. It's been 4 days since the fight. And your pride will always get in the way to even bother to message him. After all it wasn't your fault he assumed such shitty things about you.

Still, your heart was not made of steel. There was still a soft spot behind it that was missing him, your boyfriend. So reluctantly, you picked up the phone again and replied to the message.

Grabbing your coat from the hanger, you stepped out of the house around 7:45. The breeze outside chilled you to the bones.

So you tucked your hands inside your coat pockets. You missed the warmth of your boyfriend's hands.... Sighing, you put your head down and walked through the path to the cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A familiar scent of freshly ground coffee beans greeted you as you opened the door of the cafe.

Chan was already waiting at the corner table and waved at you when he saw you walking through the door.

"You're here!"

"Sorry to make you wait." you smiled at him.

"I've already ordered your usuals, they should be here soon" He nervously smiled.

"Thank you Channie '' You replied, shifting your gaze suddenly to look at a couple on the right of your table.

Reading your expressions, Chan cleared his throat and spoke " So, umm, about Jeongin.."

" Right, how's he ? " You nervously replied as you fidgeted with your hands.

"Not good, '' Chan replied.

" He still doesn't talk to us or reply to our messages, let alone come out of the room"

You sighed, taking a sip from your cup of coffee

"We had an argument"

" Four days ago... " you replied to Chan, who nodded in understanding.

"He thought I was cheating on him..."

"What ?" " How could that boy even think of that..." He huffed in annoyance.

"I was planning his birthday party with Heesung"

" So I met him at another cafe a few times and discussed the surprise plan"

" Apparently he followed me one day and saw that I was laughing and talking with Heesung"

" And that idiot assumed the worst ?" He sighed and touched his temples.

"Seriously, I really have to talk some sense into him..."

" There's no point anyways..." You took a deep breath to calm yourself.

" He has changed..."

"No he's not,"

" I know him since long enough, so I know he's not changed..."

And Chan indeed knew him long enough to know that he's sulking, regretting all his life decisions...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Jeongin was tossing and turning in bed. Not a blink of sleep in his eyes. He felt frustrated, angry even.

How the heck can he even accuse his girlfriend of such a thing. She has been nothing but a wonderful girlfriend to him all year.

She was his sunshine and he was her smiley boy. How could he even think that Heesung and you were cheating behind his back ?

He muffled his screams into the pillow as tears streamed down his face.

He confronted Heesung that same day... Heesung was shocked, explaining to his friend, they had been meeting for a surprise party planned for him.

He was too ashamed to go back to your house now. Too ashamed to tell the members that he fucked up.

So he found his escape behind the closed doors of his dorm room. And that's where he's been camping, since the past three days....

He regrets everyday the things he told you that day. He was really stressed since the past weeks for the upcoming comeback.

He was so exhausted to the point of slacking in practices. The routine was killing him mentally and physically.

He was depressed, maybe...he thought. However, that didn't give him the right to lash out at you.

But when he saw your texts last week with Heesung with the code word - " Don't Tell Jeongin 🤫''

He was hurt, shocked even. Something in his mind told him to follow you and so he did... He watched you get all giggly with Heesung.

"Why do these two look so good together? ''

He angrily muttered to himself. He couldn't take it anymore. He left the scene, heartbroken…

Since that day he's just sleeping and practising everyday. He didn't even want to eat but when the members called for him collectively, he just sighed and came downstairs and ate.

When he finally got an off day to came home, he immediately packed his stuff and left for your house.

Seeing you coax him for a therapist snapped something in him as the next thing you know, he was spitting fire at you with his harsh words.

Oh how he thought you were cheating and even thinking of breaking up with you.

He left the scene before you can tell him what happened....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" How about you two talk it out with each other, tomorrow before midnight strikes ?" Chan asked.

" What do you mean ?" You curiously replied.

" I mean I'll slap that idiot out of bed and talk some sense into him"

" Then you two can meet at a designated place, and can talk it out wholeheartedly ?"

He let out a nervous chuckle, unsure of what you'll reply.

" That's not a bad idea, actually, but the pain is still there Channie, '' You sheepishly smiled at him.

" I don't think I can handle another argument, if it comes to that..." You buried your face in your hands.

" I thought he was the love of my life, but now...I don't know anymore... "

" Hey, hey, its ok YN if you don't wanna do this '' Chan reassured you.

'' But remember it's 27 hours to strike midnight 8 Feb."

" And I don't want to get your first birthday as well as your first anniversary with him to get ruined."

" But if you don't want to do anything I'll understand and make him understand too "

" Because at the end, it's up to you to, as you're not the one in the fault.."

You sat back and pondered a little over your thoughts. Talking out your differences is actually a very great idea, as you two can decide whether or not it's good to stay together again.

But the hiccups of something bad happening plagued your mind again and you massage your temples in frustration

" You know what Channie ?"

" Mhm ?" Chan replied.

" I'll let you know by tomorrow morning ?"

" That sounds good " Chan beamed as he packed his stuff from the table.

" Leaving already ?" You asked.

" Yes I have to prepare something for tomorrow.."

" What do you mean ?" You asked in confusion.

'' You'll know if you say yes " He smiled as you two waved each other goodbyes....

Hurriedly, you stepped foot into the house. The bitter cold biting your bones and everything underneath.

You immediately turned on the heater and removed your coat. You sat back on your couch and took a deep breath.

" Is it really worth to talk about it ?" You muttered to yourself.

" He was the best I had, but after what happened 4 days ago..."

" I don't know....uggggh!!"

You cried out in frustration wondering if you can face him again.

" But like Channie said, it doesn't hurt to get closure..." You thought.

" We can talk out our differences and if he still stays the same..."

" I will..." " Leave him" You shivered at the thought.

Thinking of the worst, yet still determined to get closure, you picked up your phone and messaged Chan.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" Hyung it's 6 in the morning, let me fucking sleep! Stop knocking please!!!" Jeongin screamed as he heard continuous knocks and kicks at his door.

" Not until you come out!" Chan screamed.

" I'll keep kicking the door Jeongin!! ''

Chan never called his sweet maknae by his name. It was always Innie or something sweet. So when Jeongin heard his name, he knew it was serious.

"Fine! If you don't open the door, you might lose your only chance to see yn again.." Chan screamed.

Hearing those words, something stirred in him and he hurriedly opened the door....Chan was shocked to see his condition. His hair was dishevelled, there were bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for days...he looked so weak, so tired.

" Oh My God..." Chan gasped as if he just saw a ghost. " Innie...I..my god"

" I know I look like shit Hyung '' Jeongin huffed.

Tears suddenly started brimming his eyes, as he looked down at the floor.

" I fucked up hyung " "I..I...lost yn, my love..." He cried.

" Hey it might not be so late, she still hasn't left Seoul yet..."

" Her flight to go back to her hometown, tonight is at 9:30 pm"

" We still have a lot of time to make it up to her" Chan reassured Jeongin.

" Hyung, I don't think...she will take me back" Jeongin spoke in between his sobs.

"Tell me Innie, do you love her ?" Chan asked calmly.

" More than I love myself"

" She means the world to me, she's the sweetest and kindest human being and I am so so lucky to have her" Jeongin wiped his tears as he spoke.

" Then why don't you show her ?"

" Show what ?" He asked curiously.

" That how much you love her, how much she means to you and what you will do to never break her heart again"

A light bulb sparked in his head as Chan spoke to him about the plan... He nodded and agreed to everything.

" Let's get you a makeover first and some fresh clothes"

Chan spoke as he covered his nose playfully

" You kinda smell ngl"

" Shut up!" Jeongin punched Him playfully in the stomach as Chan laughed.

" So the plan's set, lets call it, 23 Reasons, Why I Love You "

"You're so cheesy Hyung " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" Hey someone has to be the romantic one here " Chan chuckled.

" You're right, Let's do this!"

Jeongin smiled with a newfound determination in his eyes as they both stepped out of his room to the living room.

" What, Jeongin did what ?! " Minho glared at Jeongin as he heard what happened from Chan.

" Yes my boy, you seriously fucked up " Hyunjin spoke soon after.

" I know that Hyune " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" We came here to ask for your help not to listen to the obvious "

" What's with the attitude ?" Minho asked him in annoyance.

" Sorry, I am just so nervous, I don't want anything wrong to happen. Please hyung.... "

He pleaded to Minho, with his big doe eyes.

" Ugghh fine, Innie" Minho sighed,

" Just don't ever do this to them again "

" I promise it will never happen again."

" I will turn a new leaf "

" Then I'll bring the dishes by 5 then while its still hot."

" And I'll find some time in between the breaks to paint something before 5" Hyunjin spoke after minho.

" Right, practice..." He sighed,

" I missed out on so much for 4 days "

" Don't stress, we've convinced our manager for two more days off for you so that you can be with ynnie tomorrow and the day after..." Minho smiled reassuring him.

" Really ?" " You're a lifesaver hyung "

" Just don't think this will happen everyday " Minho snickered,

" My favours are only valid for limited hours of time"

" Understood!"

" Now go get some facials or something, you look horrible"

Jeongin gasped at Hyunjin's words.

" Ughh rude Hyune "

" What ? I spoke the truth " Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

" Fine I'm going with Channie hyung"

" Please keep the things ready before I return, I request"

" Don't worry, we got you bro! " Han replied as he arrived.

Jeongin whispered a thank you to everyone before leaving with Chan...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Meanwhile, you were throwing away every cloth you can find in your closet.

" Uggh, I look ugly in this " You cried.

" Nooo, this makes me feel bloated "

You were frustrated. You were trying on dresses for an hour but nothing seems to fit you.

" I don't have time for shopping " You cried to the thin air in frustration.. Just then, right on cue you heard a knock on the door. Cautiously you opened the door...

" Delivery for YN/LN ?"

" Yes that's me " you replied.

" But I didn't order anything ?..." You asked confused.

" Mr. Jeongin told me to deliver this to you "

" Ahhh, I see " You now understood what this is for. You thanked the delivery man and took your parcel back to your room.

Eagerly, you opened it and gasped.... It was a beautiful blue and white themed outfit, curated for you.

There was a beautiful blue knitted dress, a white coat, white boots and a cute blue bag. There was also a note attached to it.

'' Please let me make it up to you, one last time "

" Meet me at 5:30 there... J "

You smiled when you read his initials.

You gasped when you realised you're blushing.

" Ugh, YN'' You slapped your cheek. " Get it together, it's just a talk with him, not a date..." You sighed and stared at the box of clothes, contemplating if you should wear it..

" Fine, I'll wear it, I guess. '' You quickly wore your outfit on and did your makeup. You heard the alarm suddenly indicating its 5 now.

" Shit, I should leave now, or I'll be late"

Your uber arrived minutes after, and you reached the hotel. You took a deep breath as you stepped inside the vast doors of it.

" Hi, I am a guest of Mr. Jeongin ? Room no 23, I suppose"

You nervously spoke to the lady, at the front desk. She checked your name and your ids. After checking everything, she smiled and director you to the elevator.

Thanking her, you entered the elevator and pressed the buttons. It was on the 7th floor. As every floor passed by you, your heart beat increased. The dread of something worse happening hurts your chest so bad. You cursed yourself for overthinking so much.

The doors opened and you were greeted by a long corridor. You stepped out and walked to the end of the passage. There it was Room No. 23. You took a deep breath and opened the door....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

It was pitch black inside, as you turned the knob and entered

" Jeongin ?" You called out to the thin air, but to no answered.

" What the hell! Am I in the wrong room ?" You muttered to yourself... Confused and somewhat scared of the dark you decided to leave when the door suddenly shut in front of you, covering you in pitch black darkness.

You panicked and tried to bang on the door when a text popped up

Innie💕 : Look behind

Still half confused, you turned around and gasped....

There was a beautiful trail laden with candles and pink roses that led to the bedroom...

You were surprised yet curious. So you followed the path...

Every step on the floor had something written -:

🌹You're the most beautiful woman in the world🌹

🌹The kindest and sweetest🌹

🌹So lucky to have you🌹

🌹So proud of your accomplishments🌹

🌹You're my best friend🌹

🌹I am so sorry🌹

And then the last one,

🌹Please give me another chance🌹

You took the last step and reached the bedroom and looked up and gasped again....

It was beautifully decorated with balloons and floral wreaths everywhere. There was a heart made with roses in the middle of the bed There was also something written in the middle of the heart, with flowers and twigs -

" I love you to the moon and back" You giggled seeing it.

"Innie ?"

You called out, but there was no one... You looked around, there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on your left..

." Lilac and pink roses" your favourite, you thought. There was also a tray of your favourite food laid out, closed off with a transparent lid so that it stays warm.

"Mandu, Katsu rice and Jjajangmyeon ?" You giggled. There was a gorgeous painting of you on your right.

" Oh wow, thats me " you gasped.

You thought of how this was all Jeongin's plan to make it up to you. But the man of the hour was to be seen nowhere... You searched for him in the bathroom, the balcony and back to the living room. He was nowhere to be seen. You were lost in your thoughts, when suddenly you heard something....

**I never meant to break your heart, my love**

**But I stumbled down the road, just like a fool

does**

**I let my ego lead the way, oh, how it blinds**

**Now I'm left here searching for the words to

make it right...**

There he was, standing behind you, wearing a white shirt and blue trousers. His hair was brushed out nicely.

"He looked so handsome," you thought.

He played the guitar as he sang again.

**Heartfelt apologies, can't you see?**

**I'm drowning in regrets, oh, set me free**

**Let me show you, darling, let me prove**

**That my love for you is strong, and oh, so true*

You giggled and clapped as he finished his song with a bow.

" What's all this ?" You asked.

He didn't say anything, instead he held your hand and walked you from the bedroom to the bed. Confused, you tagged along... He motioned to sit on the bed as he sat himself. He then finally spoke...

" YN, I am truly so sorry for what I have done..."

" Will you please give me another chance ? I beg you "

" Jeongin, I understand that you're sorry but the words you told me that day hurt me so badly and honestly...I don't anymore"

You sniffled a little as you looked at him..

" YN, I am so sorry..."

" I don't know what came over me that day. '' He looked down as tears clouded his vision.

" The stress of the comeback burnt me out so much everyday..."

" The stress was too much to bear "

" You could've at least told me that you're suffering so much " you replied.

" Last week, when I was home and saw you giggling on the phone... I couldn't help but be curious, so as you left to shower, I went through your phone and saw the messages.."

" There it was, messages exchanged between you and Heesung, to meet that evening"

" And a - Don't tell Jeongin! at the end "

" When you told me, you're going shopping, my heart broke..."

" You were lying to me, I thought " " So I followed you and saw you there, at the cafe"

" Giggling and blushing with Heesung, my friend"

" My heart to shattered to pieces..."

" Everything I had, I was losing it..."

" I lost myself, I was lacking at work and now you..." He broke down in tears.

" Innie, I had no idea this is how you felt, I'm so sorry. "

" No, I'm the one at fault"

" I was so clouded in my head, overthinking everything and I assumed the worst..."

" I started slacking at work after that, didn't eat, didn't sleep much"

" The members were disappointed in me " And then when you told me to go see a therapist..." He spoke in between sobs...

" I don't know why, Something broke in me.." "

I thought I am a failure and everyone wanted to get rid of me..." you squeezed his hand to reassure him...

" Innie, these meetings were just for planning your surprise birthday party"

" I couldn't hold it any longer that day." " I snapped at you, telling you we should break up..." He buried his face in his hands.

" Innie please don't cry, its not your fault...I shouldn't have lied to you, I am really sorry " You replied.

" When I called Heesung that day " He continued, after wiping his tears.

" I realised I fucked up so bad"

" It was all planning for my birthday"

" I felt so ashamed of myself. I thought you will never want to see my face." You wiped his tears with your hands.

" So I hid in my dorm room and didn't get out untill today...."

" I am truly so sorry ynnie, I hope you can forgive me one day.."

"Innie " You held his hand.

" I am so sorry I have made you feel like that " He looked back at you,

" Before you leave for your flight, let me make it up to you, one last time ? "

" My flight ? " you asked confused.

" Yeah it's at 9:30 right ? Channie hyung told me"

" But I don't have any flight, I'm not going anywhere... "

" But Channie hyung...Oh "

He realised it was all a plan by his Channie hyung to get him out. He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

" So you're not going anywhere ? " he asked.

" No " you replied.

Suddenly, he hugged you tightly. You were surprised by this but melted in his arms as he held you tight. You missed this. He smelled of the familiar cologne you loved so much. It felt like bliss, like old times....You two pulled away after sometime.

" If you're not going then let me show you, How much I love you"

" Let me show you 23 Reasons why I love you "

" Why 23 " you chuckled.

He cupped your face in his hands.

" 23 is a very significant number in our relationship."

" 5:23 was the time we met on the 8th of Feb an year ago."

" It was on the 23th of March that I asked you out to be my girlfriend. We've been together since 321 days, 2 hours and 23 minutes"

" Oh my gosh, you remembered ?" You smiled.

" That's not all, I promise you that I'll be the best version of myself "

" You make me complete yn and I wouldn't have it any other way "

" You're the most kindest and beautiful person in this whole world... " "I am so so lucky to have you "

Tears streamed down your face as you smiled at him. He's very sincere this time, you thought. Suddenly he went down on one knee

" Will you, my sunshine, make your smiley boy happy again for forever and ever "

You put your hands on your mouth and gasped

" Oh My God are you proposing ?"

" No its a promise ring actually "

" It's a promise from me to you that I'll be the man, you wished to be with "

" I'll go to therapy, I'll work on myself and be the best version of the person, you fell in love with "

" Innie, what if we fight again ?" You asked, cursing yourself inside for overthinking again.

" I promise to you that I will never raise your voice at you "

" I'll be there for you as much as I can "

" Even if I have to fight with my managers, I will"

" I'll leave the company if it comes to that "

You squeezed his hand.

" Innie, I trust you, just promise that you'll share everything with me, however good and bad, instead of suffering by yourself "

" I promise "

" Then I'll gladly accept this ring, my smiley boy " He eagerly put the ring through your left ring finger, it was a gorgeous diamond princess solitaire ring. It was simple yet so beautiful. You widely smiled as you looked at it, glistening in your finger.

Grabbing him by his neck you kissed him. He melted as your lips touched his, he deepened the kiss as if you two were longing for this. Both of you giggled as you pulled away slowly, breathless.

" Woo-hoo " There was a pop and clap sound as you looked at the living room. All the skz boys were standing there smiling as you two pulled away.

You were a little embarrassed thinking of how long were they watching you two.

" Congratulations you guys, so happy for you " Chan beamed.

" I knew it, he can do it! " Minho exclaimed

" Did she like the painting and the song lyrics ? I wrote them!" Hyunjin spoke from behind.

" I bet she did!" Han high fived Hyunjin As he spoke.

" Seungmin, are you crying ?" Felix asked him, shocked " Shut up, I am just happy for these two " Seungmin replied. " Yes, very happy " Changbin wiped a tear in his eyes ith his thumb.

Both of you smiled as you looked at the scene. He held your hand as both of you walked to the boys, who were smiling and cheering for you.

A new beginning has started for you. With his hand in your hand, a new promise has begun to keep the relationship going.

No matter what comes, you two are in it together, forever and ever!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A/N: This is the end! Thank you for sticking by for so long. I had so much fun making this, I hope you like it too ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

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