#I don't MEAN to write melodrama but sometimes it just HAPPENS

[firstelevens]

27 for the miss swift lyrics post❣️ (not sure if you were looking for ship/character prompts but sambucky if you wanted something romancey, sam + his family if not!)

(Note: Content warning for descriptions of canon-typical violence but nothing too graphic.)

27. I've read all the books beside your bed.

The thing about being Captain America, Sam has come to understand, is that you never really stop being Captain America. He doesn’t get to put down the title with the shield and wings. It follows him to the grocery store, to baseball games, through airport security and every conversation with a stranger. More often than he admits, it’s heavy on his shoulders, an almost-smothering weight that he can’t shake off.

Today, he wraps himself in the banner like a blanket. He can hear himself speaking in even, firm tones to the government officials and doctors who come by. He feels a to-do list forming in his head, prioritized and with sub-categories for the work he needs to delegate. There are important phone calls to make, to the Avengers compound and to Sarah and to the nearest Wakandan Outreach Center. He does it all exactly the way he’s supposed to, with all the gravitas and reassurance that Captain America brings to a frightening situation.

It lasts until Bucky is out of surgery: a grave-faced doctor tells Sam that all they can do now is wait, and he feels it start to unravel.

It’s Joaquín who steers him to the recovery room. There’s a faint pounding in Sam’s head, but he’s present enough to take the bag that’s being held out to him and follow the suggestion to clean himself up a little. He’s got his head halfway through a very familiar t-shirt when he finally realizes that Torres must have gone out of his way to stop at Sam and Bucky’s place before coming back here, and the rush of gratitude is overwhelming.

When he finishes changing, Joaquín is waiting to take the suit. “Shuri says she’ll run remote diagnostics on everything and get it all fixed up before you’re in the field again,” he says.

Part of Sam bristles. He wants to point out that it’s less about fixing things and more about getting rid of bloodstains, but he knows they both mean well. “I appreciate it,” he says, nodding. “But it’s late, and all that can wait until tomorrow. Go home and get some sleep, man.”

It looks for a second like he might argue, but then Torres just pulls the overnight bag towards him and takes out a stack of books, setting them down beside Sam’s phone. “I figured Bucky would want something to read when wakes up,” he says. “Might give you something to do while you wait.”

Somewhere in the back of Sam’s mind, he registers that everyone he’s spoken to today has readily accepted that he’ll be staying with Bucky. He might stop to think about what that means, if he didn’t already have a hundred other things to worry about.

Instead, Sam brushes his fingers along the spines of the books. One of them has a wrapped piece of gum sticking out from between its pages, and he feels a smile ghost across his face. 

Bucky’s frequent bookstore and library visits mean that he’s absolutely rolling in bookmarks, but he only ever seems to use improvised ones. Sam is constantly giving him a hard time about it–Bucky once used his phone and then couldn’t find it for two days, sandwiched as it was in the middle of The Way of Kings–but now the sight makes something ache in his chest, tight and sharp like he can’t breathe.

Sam thanks Torres again, promising to text if he needs anything or if Bucky’s situation changes. As the door closes, he leaves the books where they are and grabs his phone to dial Dr. Cho’s number again.

—

By two in the morning, there’s nothing left for Sam to do and no one left for him to call.

Before, people had been coming and going nonstop. There had been nurses and doctors to talk to, questions to answer about painkillers and supersoldier metabolisms and accelerated healing rates. Sam had filled out paperwork between consulting with the medical teams; he’d called Sarah to update her and assured the on-call Avengers that they didn’t need to come by the hospital and relieve him. He’d even made himself eat a protein bar, although the ones that Torres had grabbed from their kitchen were Bucky’s ridiculous peanut-butter-chocolate-brownie bars instead of the almond and quinoa ones that Sam favored.

Now it’s quiet, visiting hours long past over and the overnight crew busy with other patients. SWORD agents had originally been posted at the door, but Sam asked them to keep an eye out from the end of the hallway instead. It’s just Bucky and Sam now, but that doesn’t make things better, either.

Sam is restless, but he doesn’t want to get up and walk away. He’s exhausted, but he can’t sleep. He wants Bucky to be safe and whole and unburdened, but he also kind of wants to have a shouting match with him, because what kind of fucking moron decides to play the distraction and draw fire when the gunmen have armor piercing rounds?

“You’re a fucking moron,” he says to a still-unconscious Bucky, just to hear the words out loud. It’s probably undercut by how Sam can’t stop staring at him, searching for some sign that that supersoldier healing is already at work.

If it’s there, he doesn’t find it. Bucky looks the same as he did when he came out of surgery hours ago. His breathing is steady, at least, but he’s still all scraped up and bruised from the fight, his knuckles still split from punching the helmet off of one of the mercenaries they’d taken on.

He’s just so pale like this, and Sam can’t stop thinking about how much he bled, lying there on the asphalt as the fight raged around him.

He’d still been conscious when Sam got to him. Bucky had gotten one look at Sam’s stricken face and asked whether Sam had gotten hurt, like he wasn’t the one on the ground, glassy-eyed and bleeding out.

Sam had tried to keep pressure on the wound, but there hadn’t seemed to be any way to stop the blood. All he could do was kneel on the ground beside his partner, hands pressed to Bucky’s abdomen, and listen to backup arrive too late to be of any use.

It’s all Sam can hear or see now, under the quiet hum of the machines and the low light of the room: red on his hands and the sounds of the ongoing fight and then Bucky, weakly patting Sam’s leg and insisting that he was fine, even as the blood loss made his words slur and his breathing go shallow.

When he snatches the first book off of the stack, it’s just out of desperation for some kind of distraction, anything to stop him from replaying those moments again.

At first, he can’t bring himself to focus at all. He keeps glancing up at Bucky every few sentences, like looking away will finally be the thing that makes him wake up. It just makes him more anxious, so he makes a deal with himself: if he makes it to the end of the book and it looks like Bucky still hasn’t healed up, he can make a fuss about it and wake up Bruce and Dr. Cho and anyone else who might know what’s going on. Until then, he’ll just have to wait.

The book he picked up, Binti, turns out to not be very long at all. By the time Sam has finished reading it, he tamps down the hope in his gut and looks over at Bucky.

It takes a moment to see, but then he realizes that the cuts on Bucky’s knuckles have healed over. They’re still a little pink, but much better than they were before. He’ll take it, he decides.

Somewhere in the center of his chest, he feels a knot start to unwind. It’s been anchored there since he knelt by Bucky’s side to stop the bleeding, impossible to ignore, but once it eases a little, it’s like someone adjusted the focus of his vision. He can suddenly see all the signs that he’d missed out on before: the shrapnel cuts on Bucky’s forearm and temple are mostly gone, his pallor a little less dealthy than it had been when they wheeled him in. There had been bruising by his collarbone a few hours ago, but it’s faded now.

It had been a stupid plan, just an idea to pull him out of his head for a minute, but some part of Sam can’t help but think that it worked: he let himself look away, and Bucky got a little bit better.

That’s not why he pulls the next book off of the stack, but it’s not exactly a deterrent, either. 

—

By the end of The Deep, all of Bucky’s bruises have faded.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane is so compelling that Sam almost forgets where he is, except that he has a hand resting atop Bucky’s and it seems to keep him anchored. It’s only when his palm starts to get sweaty that Sam realizes the color has come back to Bucky’s face.

He has to stop reading This Is How You Lose the Time War because it breaks his heart in a way he’s not ready to name yet, but when Sam marks his place–with a coffee punch card, which Bucky will inevitably laugh at him for later–he glances up to find that the last of the shrapnel cuts has healed.

Just that is plenty, as far as Sam’s concerned. He squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a slow exhale, rolling his shoulders after being hunched over for so long and feeling them loosen for the first time in hours.

Exhausted as he is, he’s completely unprepared a half-second later, when Bucky’s hand twitches against Sam’s before curling around his fingers. His eyes go wide, his gaze flicking up to Bucky’s face to find him still asleep. There’s the smallest swoop of disappointment, but it’s immediately swept away by relief.

“I’m here,” Sam murmurs, giving Bucky’s hand the gentlest squeeze back. “You’re still a moron, but I’m here.”

He falls asleep with A Wizard of Earthsea slack in his grip, only a few chapters in.

He wakes up with a crick in his neck and a warm hand covering one of his own.

[mauesartetc]

sorry, i shouldve asked you about your opinion" on what I said: is the reveal of how Blitzo caused the fire dissatisfactory because it robbed him of agency, since it had nothing to do with his moral failure or an active choice on his part?

Not every action a character takes needs to be a moral choice. We've already seen that Blitzo's morals are questionable at best, from how he's disrespected his employees' boundaries, to his verbal abuse of Moxxie, to how he treated Verosika when they were dating. We don't need purposeful arson pushing a flawed character into monster territory, especially not if they're the main protagonist.

I know he and Stolas are very obviously the writers' favorites and they've been shielded from consequences in the past, but Blitzo did suffer meaningful consequences as a result of this: He lost his home, he lost his friendship with Fizzarolli, and he lost his mom (which I still feel was an unnecessary addition, but whatever). And he even admits that while the fire was an accident, it was still his fault. He didn't mean to cause it, but he caused it regardless. And -holy shit- he actually apologized to Fizz and took action at the climax to redeem himself! Congrats, Helluva Boss, you're getting brownie points for the most basic semblance of writing competence.

And now that I think of it, Blitzo did have agency in that scene. He did make a choice. A couple, actually. Instead of tending to Fizz, he chose to run for help (making it look like he didn't care, causing Fizz to hate him). Then he chose to run to his mom's tent when he saw it was burning, further delaying any assistance that might've gone to Fizz. Again, not a fan of killing off the mom for cheap melodrama, but he did make the types of choices a scared, inexperienced teen might make in that situation.

For that matter, it wouldn't be believable (or interesting) if every single thing that happened in a story was a deliberate choice by a character. Sometimes characters' plans don't go the way they wanted. Sometimes they work hard and fail anyway. Sometimes accidents happen, just like in real life. Sure, a character can be the source of a lot of their own problems, but not everything that happens to them needs to be a result of self-sabotage.

Whether or not a character intended a certain outcome is ultimately irrelevant. What matters are the consequences they experience because of it, and how they conduct themselves in the aftermath.

[wemlygust]

Sometimes I see someone complain about ao3 comments being hyperbolic and internally I'm like NO YOU DOn't GET IT I REALLY JUST LOVE IT THAT MUCH.

At the same time, I was reading steam reviews for something earlier today, and the most effusively praiseful ones weren't convincing at all. They just came off as pretentious and melodramatic. Supposedly, melodrama happens when the drama hasn't had enough set up and doesn't feel earned. Say, take the ending of that one movie about the guy marooned with a volleyball. (Spoilers for said movie I am currently forgetting the name of.) If you saw the scene at the end where he loaes the volleyball (Wilson?) and freaks out and cries, without first seeing the rest of the movie, it'd feel ridiculous. But with context, the character's pain makes sense, so it's dramatic instead of melodramatic. The point I'm trying to get to here is: a steam review inherently can't give me the context necessary to make super emotional praise sound appropriately dramatic, so instead they end up sounding melodramatic, even though they are probably sincere. And with ao3 comments, I'm sure sometimes people read the super enthusiastic comments and - unable to judge tone or emotion through text without a level of ambiguity - imagine them being written by a stone-faced friend. And if they didn't get that invested in the story themselves, effectively they don't have the context to understand that emotion without dismissing it as overblown. Like, if I read the 5 star reviews of books I HATE, it is... aggravating. They're all absurd and seemingly nonsensical and HOW CAN YOU LIKE THIS???!! But I think they probably do. I just can't relate. Hyperbole is a thing, too, I just think people are too quick to assume something is hyperbole when it might not be, sometimes. This is way more than I meant to write and kinda disorganized but whatever. TLDR: if I write a gushy comment on your fic, I mean it. I may be overlooking some flaws, I still might not think it is perfect, because most things aren't. But I'm not like. Just trying to butter you up for more fics. And if I was, it would be because I wanted more fice, which would mean I liked your fics. TLDR TLDR: believe people when they compliment you?

[loreleismusings99]

Two Body Problem

Ch 2

[Masterlist]

Mark's having a crisis and doesn't understand Shakespere references.

You and Mark have an impromptu duel, and a much needed heart to heart follows.

AN: turns out the energy and motivation was there to write more. As always, let me know what you think, and thank you for taking the time to read this 💚

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"What the fuck-" 

Mark shuts the door to his and Colin's apartment and lets his satchel slump to the ground with a dull thud. 

"What's got you out of sorts now?" Colin calls out from his room next to their small kitchen after turning down the The Dead Kennedys album he's playing. Mark walks further into the apartment and searches around in their fridge for something to sip on while updating Colin on the state of the crisis he's been in the throws of since the little grading session he had with you the previous night. 

"The bane of my existence for this past year is driving me up a wall," Mark settles on a Pepsi, and plops himself down on their couch he brought over from an estate sale in Evanston. "I made the most inconsequential of mistakes during my office hours and they just had to show up just to correct me in the most humiliating way possible--in front of a student no less-" 

"By embarrassing, do you mean actually embarrassing, or are you just upset at being wrong and getting called out on it?" Colin asks bluntly. 

"Dude, whose side are you on?" Mark scoffs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, I didn't know there were sides again." Colin retorts before standing up from his chair and leaning in the doorway leading out of his room and sighs. "I thought you two were getting along, what happened?"

Mark groans and runs a hand down his face. "I don't know... I feel like getting under eachother's skin has become a habit at this point. Like, if feels weird to be civil." Mark says into a swig of Pepsi. Since the two of you met, the both of you have always been all teeth and snark, finding new ways to raise the others blood pressure. Trying to turn that around now, however advantageous it was, felt like trying to fit a square peg through a round hole.  

"These things take time, you know." Colin says with a raised eyebrow. "You need to actually bond with them, make an effort to get along before you can expect them to do the same." 

"I wish it were easier; sometimes it's impossible to figure out what's going on in their head..." Mark sighs out dejectedly as he props his feet up on the coffee table. 

Colin considers Mark for a moment before asking, "Have you maybe tried asking them? What's going on, I mean; how they're feeling?" 

"What, and let them know I might care about them?" Mark let's out a deflated chuckle before uttering a soft "no thank you." As much as he dispised you, Mark found himself thinking a lot about you in a way he wasn't used to. When he met you, he mistook you for an undergrad with how uptight and nervous you seemed, but after seeing you in his advanced controls class and watching you pick appart his work with the precision of a surgeon, he quickly recalibrated his perception of you, having proved yourself to be quite the formidable force in Northwestern's academic ecosystem. You were the kind of person who let their work speak for itself, and you had the chops to back it up too. Hell, he'd maybe even allow himself to admit how much you intimidate him if it wouldn't bruise his pride too much-

"Therein lies the root of your troubles, mon frère-" 

"Ugh, please don't psychoanalyze me-" 

"You're afraid of getting to close, of what you'll find if you take the time to actually delve into what you and others are feeling. Maybe start there, and you might actually get somewhere with them and you can stop all this-" Colin gestures wildly at Mark who's somehow wriggled around so that he's lying face down on their couch, thinking that if he isn't looking at Colin then what he's saying will somehow be less correct, "melodrama and strife-filled grumbling. Hopefully sooner thather than later, though, I need you at your best for trivia tonight." 

Mark groans into the seat cushion currently molded to his face, "fuck, that's tonight?"

"Sure is, Mr. Benedick of Pauda. but you should be just fine, considering your area of expertice. Tonight's theme is the planets apparently," Colin calls out his response as he starts walking towards their kitchen to pick up an apple.

Mark turns his head and shoots Colin a confused look before asking, "...The celestial bodies or the orchestral suite by Holst?" 

"Could be either--no further clarification was given." Colin shrugs. " But between you and Meghan, we should have both bases covered" He says, referring to a mutual friend in the music department.

"Well, at least we have Meghan..." Mark sighs into the couch cushions again, and Colin rolls his eyes. "God Mark, If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're lovesick over your so-called 'rival'" Colin says with a chuckle. 

"Well, it's a good thing you know better, then." Mark's mumbles into the cushions, sending Colin into a laughing fit. 

☆☆☆

"Please, you gotta help me out! You dont have to join, it'll just be for tonight, I swear" Hana hangs onto your hands, walking backwards as the two of you stroll through the quad, on your way to different classes. 

"What happened to your girlfriend, Vanessa? Doesn't she usually go with you to trivia night?" You question, raising an eyebrow at how dramatic she's being about this.

"Yes, but she's dog-sitting for her Aunt in Hinsdale and won't be able to make it tonight. Hence my dilemma." Hana planted herself between you and the path to your destination and rested her hands on her hips. "Please? It'll be fun, and it's for a prize, we'll split it with you." 

You considered her for a moment before sighing and conceding, "fine, but you're buying me dinner while we're there." 

Hana clapped her hands together, "Deal!" She then looked down to her watch as the union bell rang throughout campus. "Shit, I'm late-" starting to jog away she calls over her shoulder, "I'll see you tonight! Thank you!!" 

You let out a sigh of resignation before continuing back on your path to your signals and systems class. 

Trivia. Seems easy enough. She said that the theme was "planets" so it shouldn't be too difficult; you work at the Adler planetarium, so you already had knowledge to work with under your belt.

A rogue thought runs through your mind as you walk into the ECE building, I wonder if Mark's gonna be there. Heh, it would be lovely to get the chance to wipe that smug look off his face again. Thinking about his face, though, proves to be a dangerous line to cross; you find yourself reminiscing about the night previous, remembering the heat radiating off Mark's body as he finished your work on the whiteboard. He smelled faintly of cinnamon sugar(which surprised you, you didnt expect him to be into more gourmand sents, let alone sweet ones). He has flecks of brown suspended in his mostly green irises, so rich in color they almost looked russet in the study room's florencent light, and his flaxen hair looked so soft--

You shook your head in an attempt to free yourself from spiraling down that train of thought. You can't let him effect you like this, that way lies madness and possibly ruin for your reputation. Feeding into that gives him the upper hand, which is, of course, unacceptable. You took your usual seat in the classroom and took out your laptop. 

Hopefully this lecture'll be sufficiently distracting...

☆☆☆

The sheer volume of people and conversation happening is bordering on overestimating as you walk into the busy bar Hana directed you to when you asked where this 'trivia night' was. You shuffled past full tables and busy servers until you found where Hana, and a friend of hers--you think their name's Booker?--are seated. 

"Oh, thank God you made it, we're about to get started-" you set down your bag and look up, expecting to see Hana's face but instead locking eyes with a pair of viridecent ones. You can feel you heart drop to your stomach as the realization that Mark is also here sets in.

"You've got to be kidding me." The two of you utter at the same time. You feel a hand on your shoulder and whip your head around to see Hana with an apologetic look on her face. 

"I didn't know he was also going to be here, he isn't around every time." Hana says, trying to console you as youtpull your chair out from the table. 

"It's fine," you take your seat at the table and look up at Mark, smirking at him with a competitive glint in your eyes. This just got a lot more interesting. 

"What is carbon dioxide!" You say forcefully after hitting your team's buzzer. The past 10 questions have been about various planets in the solar system and you and Mark have been dominating the field . You look to your right at Mark to see his reaction; his hand is a mere milimiter above his team's buzzer; the overly confident smirk he started the game with is still present, but he's getting fidgetty. You're making him nervous. Good.

"Correct! Now, moving on to the Red Planet with this next question: Martian regolith has many things in common with that in the red rock canyon on Earth save for its lack of biological material and the presence of this compound that makes it marginally toxic-" Mark reaches for and hits his buzzer before you get the chance to hit yours. 

"What are perchlorates!" Mark calls out and you sit back dejectedly in your chair; whatever. I knew that, I could've totally answered that. 

"Correct!" Mark also sits back in his chair, but in relief. He runs a hand through his hair and looks at you with a... genuine smile on his face? The look in Mark’s eyes hold less of a boasting, and more of a hopeful air to them. If you didn't know any better, you'd say it looks like he's looking for a sign of approval. You were glaring holes into his skull before, but seeing the look in Mark's eyes causes your frown to soften into a soft and muted surprise. This moment is broken not 1 second later though when Mark twists his face into an impish grin and sticks his tongue out at you. 

"Wha- the audacity-" you say scandalized and look away from Mark, hoping he doesn't see you trying and failing to suppress an amused grin of your own at the immature gesture.

The two of you go back and forth answering questions until the questions run dry and you stalemate, your teams running out of time to do a tie-breaker. The two groups start to pack up and pay their respective tabs, and you gather up your bag onto your shoulder, saying goodnight to Hana and Booker (who verified that was, indeed, their name just before the game started) before making your way out of the bar.

You're walking down the sidewalk towards a bus stop shelter before you hear your name being called out behind you. You turn to see Mark jogging to catch up to you, and you pause to let him. Mark starts walking with you and asks, "where are you headed? You aren't headed back with Hana?" 

"No, I live in uptown--Hana's headed back to Evanston." You respond taking out your phone to check the time while you pull your coat tighter around you, trying to block out the cold Chicago wind. 

Mark is silent for a moment, considering you with an indicernable look--the same one he had the previous night when you two parted ways at the library. He looks out at the traffic infront of the bus stop shelter and sticks his hands in his pockets before asking, "that's actually where I'm headed too..." He trails off, looking lost in thought. 

You Interrupt his pondering by asking, "oh, okay. speaking of that, actually, where's Colin? Isn't he headed back home too?" raising an eyebrow in confusion up at him. 

Mark looks down at the concrete. "Nah, he's headed out with Megan and her partner to spend the night at their place to work on an assignment together. Some paper about the bubonic plague and secular mideval music?" He answers questioningly and looks up from the ground and at you, and you're suddenly reminded of the weight of Mark's presence. He doesn't really tower over you--in fact, he's only a few inches taller than you--but he'd be hard to miss. He stands with an air of poise you didnt expect after meeting him at that mixer only a few months ago now. He's surprisingly still; it took you a while to notice, but over time you discovered that Mark rarely moves unnecessarily or accidentally. Every gesture, every step he takes is effortless and made to look laissez, but are undeniably efficient. Around you, though, he's different; he loses the choreographed air to his movement and it makes every movement he makes around you feel monumental. Like you're a planet whose movements cause ripples in the fabric of his space time. 

"Oh." You give a muted response and look away from him, the intensity of...whatever is happening to you right now becoming too much. Mark picks up on this and leans away from you slightly.

Mark looks quickly behind him then back at you as he says, "Hey, I can take a different route back; there are other ways outta downtown-" and you cut him off with a hand on his shoulder. The contact sending a bolt of energy up your arm and straight to your chest.

"No no, it's okay. It's probably for the best that we go together anyway. Safety in numbers, right?" You look at him with the friendliest smirk you can muster. It takes a noticeably long eat of time before Mark answers, seemingly distracted by something.

"Yeah...Yeah, of course." You nod at this and return your hand to your pocket. Mark looks past you and down the street before saying, "looks like our bus is here." The two of you show your student IDs and find a couple of seats in a well lit corner of the bus. The two of you sit in silence for a beat before Mark speaks up, finally breaking the silence.

"So... have you heard that Winston's moving to UChicago in the Spring?" Mark looks over to you as you turn your head to give him a confused look, wondering what he could possibly be getting at. 

"I actually haven't--different department, remember?" You respond with a smirk.

"Ah yeah, well... supposedly they offered her more funding so she's taking her lab and students with her--at least the ones who want to leave." 

"Facinating." 

"Yeah, indeed." 

The two of you sit, silently looking at each other, before the both of you burst out in a fit of laughter. 

"God that was... possibly the worst attempt at small talk I've ever heard-" you choke out in-between laughs and gasps of air. 

"Well, you don't exactly make it easy" Mark laughs back. And you frown slightly, finally starting to compose yourself. 

"What do you mean?"

Mark pauses and lets out a laugh before looking first down at his hands, then up at the empty seats infront of you. "...It's hard to tell what's on your mind sometimes; I'm, uh... I'm used to people being a lot easier to read than you are." Mark looks over to you on his left then back down at his hands, which have started to fidget with a red REMOVE BEFORE FLIGHT tag attached to his key ring. "Which leads to me trying to talk to you about gossip in a department you aren't even in." He let's out with a scoff and looks out the bus windows infront of you two as the city lights zip past.

You take him in visually for a moment, considering what he just shared with you. First the prospect of being hard for him to read makes you proud, but that quickly gives way to a surprising melancholy. You find yourself kind of wanting him to be able to read you. To share with him as much as he shares with you. Finally you break your silence and ask him, "why Botany?"

"...What?"

"Why Botany? What calls you to it? What makes the hours of writing and literature review worth it?" 

Mark looks at you and considers this for a moment before answering. "You know, I actually studied engineering in undergrad? Well, molecular engineering. There's something very profound in building something--starting from the bottom up. your effort and energy turning into something tangible that can interact with and help the world.

During the pandemic, I picked up gardening with my dad and I got that same feeling. I realized that nature's an engineer too; it builds these wonderful structures and systems around us. Systems we can find novel uses for and are beutiful in their own right." He closes his eyes, shakes his head, and laughs. "You're probably gonna think this is corny, but the prospect of getting to build something with that, to make it easier for someone to get food and water here on Earth or elsewhere..." Mark trails off looking out into the distance behind you before meeting your eyes. "That's, honestly,  incredibly thrilling. Not just to build using nature, but to build with nature. To work together with it." 

When Mark talks like this, it's like a mask slips off and you can see the inner workings of his mind. His motivations, his love, his fear, his joy, all layed bare to you. "Thats not corny at all." You respond with a soft smile before you begin to share yourself. "...One of my earliest memories is watching lighting strike a transformer outside my bedroom window as a toddler. I remember feeling like time slowed down, like I could feel it's power through the window pane. I watched the bolt travel down the power cables and shut off power for my entire block and the next neighborhood. It felt like magic. That something from the sky could effect the light bulbs, the tvs, the family computer. Could be powerful enough to tear the sky apart just to seek ground.

When I learned we could harness what causes it to power the world, to make sand think and calculate, to even help fix something wrong in us, to give someone life again... it feels like the closest humans can get to being superheroes. Magicians pushing electrons around to get us to the Moon, or to monitor someones health. I don't think enough people realize that we aren't that different from a circuit. Humans have more in common with the machines we build than we realize. That the heart's a capacitor driven pump. That technology isn't the antithesis to all things natural. That it is natural." 

This time you look down at your hands and let out a scoff. "It's funny how ironic that sounds." You run a hand down your face before continuing, "especially considering how hard this all has been." 

"What do you mean?" Mark asks carefully, tilting his head to see your face better. 

"...I, uh, don't come from a long line of academics like you do," you laugh out, "I've no guide or blue-print to follow. No-one to teach me but experience and my advisor. I'm the first in my family to get into a PhD program. Which comes with its own set of expectations and pressures." You pause for a moment, looking out ahead of you before continuing, "It's hard to feel like I even belong here sometimes..." you hear Mark turn in his seat so that he's fully facing you now. He says your name and you turn to look him in the eye. 

"When I say this, know I mean this with every fiber of my being: you deserve to be here. More than most of the people that go here. You're fucking brilliant. I know we get under eachothers skin just a little-" 

"Understatemt of the century-" 

"Would you please not ruin the moment we're having right now?" Mark interrups you back with a laugh and you laugh with him. "You're one of the few people I really have to use my brain for when I'm talking to them. You're too good to mess up around. You make me actually try." The bus's automated announcement calls out your stop and you tug on the stop signal cable. "And, I hope I do the same for you, at least."

The bus stops and the two of you stand to disembark. As you start walking towards your building, you look up at Mark and say, "you do.... Probably more than you realize." 

Mark looks down at his shoes and sways to bump his shoulder into yours, a goofy-looking grin lighting up his face. His shoulders warm and feeling it against you is surprisingly grounding.

Mark walks you up to the entrance of your building before saying goodnight and walking off in the direction you presume his apartment building is in. You close the door and start walking down the hallway leading to the elevator before pausing to process what just happened. You used to hate Mark. He used to be an obstacle in your path. A distraction at best, and an active hindrance at worst. Now, though, you can't find it in you to conjure up the malice you used to feel for him. What's taken its place is this warm feeling of... comraderie? Mutual understanding? Fondness??? You take a breath before running a hand down your face and walking up to the elevator doors. 

"... what the fuck..."

[sparklingchim]

sixth sense tingled again! short and sweet this time around, since tonight's been a rough one but i wanted to leave a little ask as i've grown accustomed to do. ego season couple are soooo fun!!! i honestly find them so goofy, it's one of those rare times when it's not off-putting or angsty to me that they just Won't Come Out And Say It but maybe it's because i don't think it'll happen (because i know it will happen eventually) in a big outburst or anything but like. organically. as in oc just warming up to the idea and jungkook's already there so they might be just be chilling, no sex involved, and he'll just ask her out, no dramatics, just honesty. because they're friends! and sometimes there doesn't have to be a whole melodrama to it. it just happens

btw, i found it very endearing that oc said "[the chain]'s pretty. suits you" because she's basically calling him pretty. i'm sure he hears all and every single synonym of "hot" but i'm betting nobody's called him pretty. and i know he's feeling all warm inside. he'll be all cocky and like "yeah i got laid and i wasn't even counting on it today" but what he'll think about that night is "oh. she called me pretty" (that whole moment also had me feeling like that meme of a girl dangling a chain above her. i don't know how submissions work/whether you read them so i'm not attaching the image but i'm sure yk which one i mean)

in the end this turned out being as dragged out as per usual, so as per usual, lots of love,

bloom 💐

ps: may drop by with a tiny request/idea one of these days. purely selfish and indulgent

bloooomm !!! hiii !!! i hope ur feeling better now :( but thank u for still dropping by <3

that's all i want u guys to feel when u read ego season - just a silly, sweet time <3 (the angst will follow in future chapters if i can get myself to write them </3) but for now it's just fun !!!!

jk is a sucker for any compliments !!! especially when they're from oc 🤭 he did feel all giddy <3

u mean this pic ?? 🤭 i fear this is all oc will think about for the rest of the week <3

love u !!!!! 🫂 please do tell me about ur little request, m intrigued 😋

[detective-dipstick]

Murder on the Orient Express (1974) vs. Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Never read the book so I'm considering plot-related things that probably happened in the book as the creations of the movies and it will count towards their rewards and penalties.

Things I liked from both:

-the handkerchief! big fan. the mystery of the handkerchief was better than the mystery of who murdered that guy.

-I like the locations in both. I like the scenery. I think they played with the being stuck on a train thing in their own ways and it worked out.

-There was a third thing I can't remember.

Things I despised from both:

-the ending. the dumbest ending in mystery history. mstry hstry. miss tree his tree.

-sorry i got distracted. literally it was so anticlimactic and SOOOO dumb. I had a friend who really liked the ending but he had horrible opinions about everything so fork spotted in the kitchen i guess. anyway drives me insane to this day.

Things I liked better in 74:

-The train. Looks like a real train. We get to look at it for a long time. A movie made for train-lovers, which is the main draw of Orient Express as a concept anyway.

-Generally better looking cinematography. I like.

-Hector. Freaking. McQueen.

-First of all, Anthony Perkins? Damn. Second, Anthony Perkins as McQueen? GAYYYYY (flirtatious). Noticed him the moment he appeared on screen. Totally in love with everything he did. No notes except a tiny one with my number on it. Anyway

-Ms. Hubbard. Genuinely annoying af as God intended. and she didn't have a random wig reveal (although that was funnnny. again that Branagh melodrama that's so ridiculous sometimes but admirably bold every time). anyway idk i like her. I don't like her but I do. the girlboss effect in action.

-The Armstrong case summarized in the BEGINNING thank you for making sense. Was so jarring in the 2017 version that they just randomly mention it later in the movie. No prior allusion to it or anything. Those first few scenes in the 74 version were unsettling to me in a good way.

-They look so relieved and happy when Poirot and Bianchi vote to pin the murder on the imaginary guy. It's just a cute little moment idk. Some of them hug each other. McQueen smiles and stands up and sits down for some reason.

Things I liked better in Branagh's:

-Branagh as Poirot. I feel like I'll be unjustifiably assassinated for this but I like him a lot. In this movie specifically, he's great. I dislike Orient Express compared to his three Poirot movies in almost every other respect but he was very refreshing here.

-From what I've seen of Branagh as a director, he excels at melodrama, and it shows here.

-Loveee how during the breakdown Poirot had no fucking idea who did it. When he said "it is time to solve this case" he meant it so literally. He meant "well we're on a deadline so I'm just gonna start talking and hope it all works out." Relatable af that's me writing my essays and shit. Also very funny.

-So there’s a scene, right? There’s a scene with Hildegarde (great name btw) and Poirot where he questions her in German so the princess can’t understand it and then she mentions seeing “the other conductor” in the sleeping car and he’s so shocked he switches to English and he’s like “WHAT other conductor???” and that was so cool you had to be there it was cool. Too bad it didn’t mean anything but it was sick.

-I like Bouc slightly better than Bianchi. Now, Bianchi has the better name. Fun to say. He was very silly and cool. But I can’t pretend I don’t love Bouc. C’mon.

-The count and countess. WOW. They were charming in 74 but in this one they are HOT. Holy shit. Even better somehow that we don’t meet them right away. They’re talked about in the beginning but we only see them when Poirot goes to their cabin to question them for reasons I can’t remember (I recall he originally wasn’t going to. They were in a different car or diplomatic immunity or something idk I was born yesterday). Anyway him just showing up at the elusive count and countess’s later in the movie and turns out the whole time they were just in there doing hot people shit. They were in two scenes but really carried the film with their sexual energy. 

General thoughts:

For the record, I wouldn’t recommend either of these movies. If this post inspired u to watch them for some reason, don’t you dare think of me. Goodnight.

[kmze]

I have got no clue what math story is or if Dries actually knows it or what was going on.But the entire season felt like a loop.And there was a pattern that was being followed for e.g Rebecca's episodes which I believe were 7×05,7×12 and 7×18.

7×05 Stefan says he will kill Julian.Cancels Date with Caroline.Don't remember whether he called her or Caroline called him.That wide shot of Caroline sitting alone in her dorm room was so painful to watch.Julian's soul is brought back into his body.

7×12 Stefan leaves to go save Damon's ass.Didn't text Caroline back.Kills Julian.Caroline alone in the hospital dying.

7×18 Stefan dying.Wants to write a letter to Caroline.Flashback of Stefan saying Caroline sent his letters back unopened (which was Julie's attempt to damage control).Stefan's soul is back into his body. (This is why I feel like they should have had Julian's soul in Stefan's body because that storyline ending abruptly felt weird)

What's interesting is this isn't the first time Stefan's soul was brought back.It happened before sometime in 7×10 and they never showed how it happened.Stefan said Bonnie pulled him out.Bonnie said Nora pulled him out(7×11).It never happened on the screen.In fact,they diminished Bonnie's importance in 7×10 when it came to Damon being pulled out.The importance was more on Damon and Lily and how his remorse for her death was the trigger which was absolutely OKAY and yet Bamon was still sidelined while we had an entire episode of Stalerie melodrama just to taint SC even more.Also in 7×16,the 'date' goes smoothly unlike in 7×11.I mean I know 7×11 had far more depth while 7×16 was extremely superficial.Later on,When Stefan died(went back into the stone),Val told Damon we brought him back before.WE? Before?When?She wasn't there in Damon's hell episode.I don't remember whether it was Julie or someone else but they said this episode was filmed right before Christmas and everyone was exhausted and just wanted out.Do you think this was one of those cases where an actress is replaced because the original one is not available?

There were some similar elements going on in 7×18 as that in 7×10.

Caroline: If Julian scorches Stefan's body,we can't get him back.

Damon: Noone's scorching his body yet.

Julian stole Stefan's body & scorched it.

This was one loop in Damon's hell.In another loop, Stefan was already back & said Caroline pulled him out first. It turned out, in reality,Stefan did manage to get out first & tried to move forward with Caroline but somehow still being haunted by Damon and the guilt of letting him go.

In 7×18, that vampire whose soul was in Stefan's body ran off and tried to scorch real stefan/Marty.Damon and alaric managed to stop him.Stefan is pulled out.But it was Val who did the spell.Not Caroline or Bonnie or Nora.So was he in the stone this entire time and what was shown before was not real?

Anyway,so Val got tons of screen time here. In the end ,she asked him to go back and make things right with Caroline.You know what this reminded me of? In 7×12,Caroline asked Val "I want you there with him(Stefan)." This was after she found out stefan went to MF to save Damon.Up until this point,Val was pretending to take care of her but Caroline's words were almost like words of approval for her.It's like she got the green-light to be HER. I don't know if I'm making any sense here or what Julie intended but it would have been better if they had at least explained the situation properly instead of straight up derailing the main couple of the season.Another point in 7×18,she said I could have been the love of your life too but in 7×03,she was bragging that she was the first love of Stefan's life.This proves she was an unreliable narrator,right?Because I think it was Katherine who was Stefan's first love or atleast before he knew what she was and then it was Elena?

I feel like a total crazy person right now because the plot was straight-up abomination in the name of storytelling.🤯

P.S: In one of my previous asks I had mentioned "spinning the globe" as a SC reference because Stefan was spinning the globe in his room while leaving voicemails for Caroline in 6×20 and it was a Sonnenshine episode.That's why it annoyed me so much.Elena's locket was a Stelena thing which was somehow turned into a Delena symbol.Globe/snowglobe was a SC symbol and it was used in a SV scene just like the coffee one.

Yeah I'm sorry Anon I really don't remember anything with Julian and burning Stefan's body and what that was all about. I thought the point with the stone was the person in there needed to do what the stone was trying to teach them and then a witch could pull them out. So Stefan's hell was drowning with Damon and he needed to let go of Damon because that's what the stone was trying to tell him. So Stefan let Damon die and then Bonnie was able to pull him out. Then Damon's hell was forgiving his mother and that just took longer because Damon is stubborn, then once he did that Bonnie pulled him out. I don't remember her saying Nora was involved but maybe she was. The post coming out of the stone they were loop-y and for some reason kept wanting to burn bodies. I don't care that much about the date being ruined because the date was kinda weird anyway (I do hate that scene in 7x05, I try to pretend it doesn't exist) it didn't feel like them. I much prefer the date in Caroline's head with the greenhouse and eating fast food, that was so much more them.

Part of the problem with 7x16-7x18 is that Caroline couldn't be in those episodes because Candice was on maternity leave, I think she only took like a month off before coming back for 7x19-7x22 so I don't know how much could have been done to really include her in the storyline. Nora was dead by 7x18 and I think Bonnie was still hidden so Val it was, I thought Damon said something like "I'm only working with you because I know you'll do whatever it takes to save Stefan" Eh I mean that was kind of the point with Val, when she first showed up she thought she had a chance to get Stefan back and didn't see Caroline as a real threat. Then eventually she got what she wanted and became "everything" to him (because he had no one else) but as soon as that wasn't the case she gave up. I think it's so funny she was ready to team-up with Alaric in 7x17 and then she went inside Stefan's head in 7x18 and gave up the next day. Like Damon said as soon as that scar was gone she knew it was over.

I remember the spinning globe, I don't remember the "something more" from 6x19.

[dannyketch]

This is a list of explicitly trans comics that I feel comfortable about recommending. There’s a lot of bad and iffy ones that I've read, but these are the better ones.

Claudine- It's obviously a comic that was made to help cisgender people understand and have more empathy for trans people, but it is a really good comic that says that Claude was a man not because of external circumstances messing him up, but just because he was born that way, and if the world wasn't as discriminatory as it was, he could have had a good life. It has beautiful art and wonderful writing, but it's a tragedy so I wouldn't read it while in a depressive rut or anything.

The Mermaid Prince- This is manga is a genderbender, but it's also explicitly trans due to it's description and calling what happens to our mermaid love interest as a sex change. This is the only BL manga I've seen that has a trans man, and it was also the first time I've seen a seinen drawn and written cutesy. If you like fairytale romances, you'll probably like this one.

My Best Friend Became a Boy- This is an ongoing web manhwa that's also a genderbender, but it's very clear that the main love interest/male lead has been a boy even before the magical genderbending thing, and it's just very trans overall. This one is on the younger side of shoujo comics, but if you want to read a normal shoujo romance where the love interest is a tboy, this is a fun option.

Haikei, Seken-sama- Another ongoing one. This time it's a seinen manga with a trans writer that's based off of his experiences. There’s no translation, official or otherwise, for it out yet, so I've been reading it with Google translate's camera option. It's a pretty grounded and down to earth manga, but it does take some trips into melodrama in regards to romance and bullying. This is definitely one of the more realistic ones on here. Also tw for sexual assault

After School Mates- This comic just finished, but the scanlations haven't yet. I have mixed feelings about this comic. I liked it overall and think it did a decent job with portraying trans issues and dysfunctional family relationships. I also think the friendship between the cis and trans boy protags is very sweet, but this comic acts like cis boys/men can either accept that their trans boy friend is a boy or they can have a crush on them, and that there is no overlap, so I didn't like that. But other than that, it's a pretty good comic. (I read till the ending with Google translate camera rip)

Double House- A josei yuri between two complicated women who live in the same apartment building together. It's a short read, but still good. I did think that it had a touch of cis people projecting onto trans people to be philosophical, but it's enjoyable despite that.

I Wanna Be Your Girl- Another yuri, this time a shoujo. There’s aspects to this that I like and some that I don't. I thought it did a good job showing that having a crush on your friend that's trans doesn't mean that you are ignoring or undermining their gender, sometimes you're just gay lol. But I thought that it acted like trans people were making up how bad transphobia is and that we shouldn't act/respond to transphobes. It was too passive and on the side of transphobes for me on that aspect.

Yuzu no Koto- This is a shoujo that's mostly written for cis people, but if you just want a cute story about trans kids, here ya go.

Lovely Complex- I recommend the anime, but yeah this romcom shoujo has a trans side character who's adorable and that I love. They misgender her at some parts, but she's a girl through and through.

A Thousand and One Nights in Wonderland- This is an 80s fairytale shoujo that has a tboy protagonist. The story is not about him being trans, but him being trans informs everything he does. It was honestly really cool reading a comic where the main character just happens to be trans instead of that being the plot. He ends up getting married and getting what can only be described as a magical sex change. Only chapter one of this is on scanlation websites, I've been translating this on my own, so dm for chapters if you want to read. I'm not done yet, but I have almost 2 volumes translated.

Alters- an indie superhero comic with a closeted trans woman lead. It's a pretty fun series.

Blood Syndicate- this is one of my favorite superhero series of all time. It's about this half gang/half superhero teen team with powers that all kinda hate each other but are the closest any of them has to a family. One of the members is Masquerade, whose trans and is really interesting. The series got canceled before it could be finished and the last issue is just lamenting on what a shame it is that it never got to finish rather than tying things up, so there's just a ton of unfinished plotlines, but even though it's a short series, what is there is gold.

Rachel Pollack's Doom Patrol Run- The recently departed and much loved Rachel Pollack was the writer for Doom Patrol for a time in the 90s, and her series is beautiful, awe encompassing, and so interesting. It both is heavy with trans themes as well as having a trans main character. It's great, and even if you don't usually like superhero comics I recommend it.

Deathwish- Another Milestone comics story, this time written by Maddie Blaustein, who also voiced Meowth in Pokémon. This is a mini series that's a detective murder mystery with a trans woman lead who is trying to find a serial killer who is going after her sisters.

Life Outside the Circle- A finished Finnish webcomic that is actually about the gay experience in the countryside. It's a beautifully written series and feels so real and true, and the love interest in it is a trans man. Him being trans isn't a plot point or anything, but he is trans and so is his writer/artist.

Glass Scientists- An American webcomic that's a Jekyll and Hyde reimagining with a lot of other mad scientist types. I've been reading it for years, and it's a very fun series that revealed around last year that one of the main characters was trans. The way they handled his story was really good and relatable to me personally. He also has a girlfriend, and ism the only trans character there since a side character also came out to him. This is ongoing and worth it.

Inside Out: A Yuri Tale- I actually need to catch up to this webcomic, but it's good and about a bunch of lgbt kids and their stories. It's also a yuri romance, obviously lol

La Nueva Chica Del Barrio- If you can read Spanish or are willing to translate it, this web comic is a must read in my book. It's this really long running series about a little trans girl, and every time I read it, I feel so content and seen. It's very heartwarming and the characters feel really realistic. Tw for attempted child trafficking tho

Venus Envy- a webcomic that's a classic. It's a comedy about a trans girl who moved to a new school at the start of her transition. It isn't finished and never will be, but it deserves a read. Tw for rape

Brave New World of Love- A shoujo series that's definitely a product of its time, but it's also about a trans girl doing her best to find love and live her best life at a new school. It's really short, and I think if it had gone on longer, it would have found a nice rythem for itself, but short as it is, it does have it's cute moments. Tw for attempted rape

Some trans dc characters that it's worth looking up their comics: Circuit Breaker, Xanthe, Kid Quick, Dreamer, and there's probably some others but that's off the top of my head.

Marvel: Escapade, Sera, and Dr. Charlene McGowan

fuck does anyone have recommendations for explicitly trans comics and manga? boys run the riot just chewed me up and spit me out and I loved it

[carlyraejepsans]

As a canon sans fanatic, man,I JUST LOVE HOW YOU WRITE SANS! I want to write sans as faithful to the canon like you one day, so you have some tip or something to master the art of writing sans undertale as accurated as possible?

make a file with all of his lines. the undertale text dump is your best friend. select all, copy, open a new document, paste it in. the deltarune one is a bit trickier because it's not formatted as tidily but it's there too. as for the rest, you're on your own. alarm clock winter dialogue, casino dialogue, crosstitch book, Q&A. all of it. snoop around. and then format it into looking normal. this means removing all the asterisks and putting it all back into chronological order because the dialogue dump is a bit all over the place. i used to be annoyed about it, but honestly it was a good excuse to look at the dialogue more. i already have a fully formatted doc but... not gonna share it with ya. half the benefit comes from having to read it so many times yourself while putting it together. actually, this is a practice I'd recommend to learn the voice for any UT character

you are going to treasure this file. consult it constantly. now, make ANOTHER file, open them side by side, and start jotting down shit. sentence length, structure, vocal tics, any pattern you can spot. look at what makes him tick. for the more, uhhh, mathematical side of the analysis, sometimes i plug bits and pieces of it in prowritingaid. the free plan does 500 words per session. it rules.

i am not kidding, are you writing in his voice? then consult that file constantly. if a specific term feels weird, look if he's said it before in canon. if he hasn't, look for a synonym (or shortened version). if he doesn't have that, either reword your bit, look for phrases where he says basically the same thing but with a different structure, or just say fuck it and leave it in anyway. hey, I'm not your babysitter

undertale is a comedy and sans is a comedic character. his comedic role is as crucial to his persona as his speech pattern is. sure you can make him be funny, but is he being funny in a way that fits his role?

continuing off the previous point: sans is a "born lucky" character. a jester. a troll. in a comedic context, this means he's always landing on his feet. this man's got the rules of comedy wrapped around his fingers so tight you'd figure they owe him money. one does not simply "dunk" on sans undertale. either the situation isn't goin to arise full stop, or you're going to get your ass handed back to you with "some king" written on it in magic marker, or he's going to roll with the punch. people don't laugh AT sans, they laugh WITH him.

do you however require him to eat shit for story purposes? alright. like i said, roll with the punches. if he can't turn the situation around in his favor, he's going to brush it off with humor and nonchalance. relegate the shit eating to the machinations of his inner monologue

so! you managed to get all the way here with a reasonably canon sounding sans and now you're finally at that emotional scene you wanted to write for so long! how exciting! dial it back. it's too emotional. "but i already d-" nope. trust me, I'm guilty of this too. artists and writers love melodrama, but whatever you're thinking is too showy for him. so dial it back again for good measure.

"but what if i insult his brother to his face-" you can do that in-game, he tells you sarcasm isn't funny, says a nice thing about him, then moves on like nothing happened

"but what if i killed his brother-" you also do that. in the game. he leaves. hauls ass immediately, drops off the face of the earth, takes a memento with him and then he's Gone. his meetings with him afterwards are brief, sterile and resentful, but he doesn't explode or anything

continuing once again, Angry Sans Does Not Yell. there's a whole fandom subgroup dedicated to making him a big burly roaring axe-weilding cannon blazing killing machine. this is very cheap. sans is an example of one of the most impactful uses of audio design in undertale, and it's when it cuts out entirely as he begins to speak. sans is terrifying because he's quiet.

there's only one occasion where he raises his voice and acts intimidating in a more stereotypically tough guy way, and that's in the second part of his fight. you know, when he's getting tired by the minute, his trap already failed and he's not so metaphorically feeling the hounds of hell yapping at his bony heels. he's panicking, and it takes him a LOT to get there, so if it happens in your story don't throw it out there all willy nilly.

likewise, long gone are the days of teary eyed sans clutching papyrus' scarf, vowing to revenge his death and bring you to justice to protec-wait a second this is undyne. anyway, those days are gone and thank god for that. sans is inherently conflict avoidant, in a very similar way to papyrus. but most of all he's private: with his emotions, with his grief, with his backstory, with his trauma. sans faced with something devastating, or depressing or just plain hopeless doesn't beat his chest like a woman in some trashy romance novel. he shuts down. he leaves as soon as he can..

now, sometimes you're writing a story and you kinda NEED him to eat shit. or become emotional when confronted with something, or get him flustered cuz he's in love, or cry or get angry or snap, etc etc. for plot purposes! that's completely fine. not everything has to follow undertale's criteria. but, if you want to keep it feeling authentic, try to keep it mind that this condition is NOT standard for him. this is uncharted territory. it's the exception that confirms the rule, not the new average (think eggs husband joke in dr), and thus you're going to need to justify it in the face of the story. give him a reason to get to that point. build it up slowly and carefully. too much and you break the character. if you're doing a backstory for him, maybe before he was as cynical as he is today, you might have a bit more breathing room, but you're gonna have to work backwards to explain How He Got Here, both morally and personality-wise

this response is already colossally long so I'm gonna close it here. it's pretty late now in my country and I don't know if any of it is coherent, but i hope it helped you at least a little. night night!!

[erisenyo]

Fic Writing: Conveying Emotion Without Melodrama

I am back with Part Five of the @canubelieveitzel neverending ask box request (might this be the actual end?) to talk about how I go about fic writing, this time with a focus on how to convey emotional moments for the characters and readers without making it too melodramatic or unemotional.

I am a big believer that if you've done a solid job of establishing the stakes of the conflict then the reader is going to have some inherent emotional investment. That said, my own approach to balance over the top angst and coming across as too flat is...

Describe and show the emotions, don't just name them

Build trust with your readers in how your characters respond

Give readers a break

Know when to focus little or focus big

Find your own writing voice

(I'll also add I definitely think I veer more toward the drama, so a lot of my thoughts are focused on how to rein that back haha)

A big piece of this for me is to try to describe the physical display of emotions a character is feeling rather than just naming the emotion. I can say "Zuko was anxious" or I can say "Zuko felt an anxious stab in his chest." I often use that emotion more as a descriptor of a physical action/sensation someone is experiencing than as a descriptor of the character themselves (ie, Sokka tugging uncertainly on his wolf tail, Katara setting her jaw with stubbornness). I like the way it pulls the reader deeper into the POV character's experience, which I think helps the reader feel the emotions of a scene. (And this can tie back into characterization. If I give each character a specific set of physical responses when experiencing an emotion it helps build out that sense of them as distinct individuals, rather than having them all run around pinching the bridge of their nose, which is what I always want to choose haha.)

Describing the physical aspects of emotional responses also lets Zuko in his POV notice that Sokka is tugging on his wolf tail, and the reader now has the connection that this means Sokka is uncertain, and so the reader knows what Sokka is feeling even if we aren't in his head (and even if Zuko is misreading him). And this in turn lets the reader understand what multiple characters are feeling in one scene without needing to rehash a conversation in various POV changes, which can sometimes throw off the balance toward melodrama (by agonizing over and over about something or toward emotionless (by the reader re-experiencing the same scene too many times).

We can have a sequence, for example, where...

Zuko says something, inner fire biting at the underside of his skin > Sokka responds, tugging on his wolf tail > Zuko replies, glowering at the ground > Sokka says something, voice going high

...and we can read that Zuko said something out of frustration/anger, Sokka was uncertain in his response, Zuko remained frustrated, and Sokka reacted with urgency and upset. And we as the reader now can experience the exchange and process/react to the emotions happening on both sides along with the characters rather than getting all of Zuko's side and then all of Sokka's in a later scene.

Another way I like to show the physical impact of emotions rather than naming them is to think about how emotions influence speech patterns. If someone is anxious, do they have lots of successive run-on sentences and speak without many pauses and just go and go and go? Can I convey the emotion being experienced purely through the way the dialogue is coming out--short and choppy sentences for anger, or rambling sentences for someone relaxed, lots of cut-off words for someone unsure.

Another aspect of balancing melodrama and unemotional writing is making sure that a character's emotional responses are rooted in their characterization. I don't want an out-of-character emotional response that serves purely to advance the plot. That can knock a reader out of the story and make even highly emotionally charged scenes read flat because the reader isn't bought into the genuineness of the reaction. Alternately, it could come across as gratuitous angst for the sake of angst, which starts to veer toward melodrama. By keeping the characters' emotional reactions centered on the characterization you've established, it's more likely that readers will buy into and trust the journey you're taking them on, which means they will invest in the emotions being conveyed and feel emotional themselves over what's happening.

I also try to be cognizant of giving readers a break. It's really difficult to process and stay fully engaged when scene after scene is an emotional heavy-hitter. Are you stacking in moments in between for the characters and the readers to both decompress and process? If not, there's the potential for the reader to become kind of numb from overexposure in a short timeframe to the emotions you're trying to convey, or for things to seem too overwrought.

Within a scene, you can do this by interspersing introspection with action or dialogue. In These Things Written, for example, this moment of Sokka being deep in his head is cut with dialogue as Katara and Aang complain (which is also building up the conflict in the chapter separate from what's going on in Sokka's head) so it isn't just a wall of Sokka thinking thoughts to himself:

His subconscious just keeps messing that part up, though, because it seems to think time is always. And the material features armor, and that sense of being overwhelmed and taken down and pinned, which isn’t new. Sokka has actively fantasized enough about Suki to know what he likes when it comes to that. But it also features golden eyes and heat, and Sokka has developed enough of a tendency toward introspection with all his letter writing that he can’t fool himself about the “who” that goes along with all that.

“Walking stinks! Why would anyone do this?”

“I don’t know, Aang. Why don’t you ask our dear leader? Maybe his instincts have opinions on that, too.”

For the first time ever, Sokka wishes he knew some firebenders. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be projecting his pen pal onto the only one he does know. Which is definitely what his subconscious is doing. Definitely. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

“I’m tired of carrying this pack.”

“You know who can help you carry it, Aang? Sokka’s instincts!”

Because really, it’s just that between the fake Spirit World memories, and the real memories, and the way he had looked at Sokka like that, the one firebender Sokka knows seems to slot so easily into every fantasy his subconscious can cook up.

You can do this on a smaller scale by introducing physical actions into streams of thought and moments of introspection. If the character is thinking a lot, write about them sighing, or pinching of the bridge of their nose, or having a physical reaction to their thoughts--which also helps ground the reader on the emotions the character is experiencing about their thoughts without the character needing to explicitly think 'this makes me sad/happy/angry.'

And you can do this on a larger scale by interspersing highly emotional scenes with less fraught content. Think a big fight or important conversation followed by something readers might find emotionally soothing--maybe Sokka and Katara have a fight and in the next scene Sokka and Zuko are just vibing and relaxing together. Even if Sokka's still brooding (and a POV switch out of his head might help to provide breathing room too) it's not in a less inherently charged context.

This can apply to chapters as well--recognizing if you have a bunch of heavy-hitting chapters back to back and maybe need something fluffier so everyone can breathe, or thinking about how the timing between your updates either provides a break or heightens the anxiety for a reader.

(That last part I find really hard, btw. There's the story you're trying to tell and then how it's interacting with the format you're telling it in (serialized, one-shot, entire chaptered fic up at once). But as the author, you have it all in your head. I find it's hard for me to step back and realize beforehand that Sokka's post-eclipse lack of confidence, for example, is going to be heightened for readers because they're sitting with it for two weeks in fic-updating time, while in-fic it's happening over the course of two days.)

If you're especially concerned that things will come across as unemotional, or that you're trying to convey something really large but it just doesn't feel right, consider this really excellent advice I saw which is that the bigger the issue, the smaller you write. I really, really like this. I find it lets me really humanize large things and focus on aspects that I (and presumably my readers) can connect with--I've never lost a parent to a war like Katara has, but I can write about the empty space at the table every night, the silence where that person used to be, the fact that you have to brush your own hair now and you don't know how. Those little things are easier to grasp and to convey the frustration and upset of, and they can carry a ton of emotional impact without seeming overwrought (while also making it so I don't have to try to find the perfect words to encapsulate the horrors of war which can often be a miss, for me at least).

And my last thought on this is to really find your own voice and your own balance in how to convey emotional things. Notice whether readers react the way you want them to, notice what you react to when you read. Ene's mileage will vary here--I might think something is really evocative that someone else finds over the top. Some people can pack an entire punch into a single line and some people need paragraphs to slowly build the emotional moment. Neither of those approaches is inherently better, it's about which feels right to you, and which you want to try your hand at. (And mixing it up can sometimes be really effective! If you have a character who's normally talkative who suddenly just has a very brief, understated response, that juxtaposition to their normal way of narrating can now be an additional layer of impact.)

I personally found it easier to try new things once I had a sense of what my own style was, also, so don't be afraid to toss the advice you hear and do what feels natural to you to get the effect you want. You're the author--if you're feeling the emotions then chances are strong that will come through in your writing regardless of how many adverbs or run-on sentences you use, and once you have that piece down you can always tweak how you go about presenting it!

Part One: Descriptive Dialogue

Part Two: Characterization

Part Three: Interpersonal Relationships & Conflicts

Part Four: Keeping Relationship Dynamics Interesting

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

WARNING DRAMA AHEAD

(Which is crazy because I try to actively have a drama free lifestyle)

So, awhile back I wrote about some issues in a friend group containing A & Em. Summary: I chatted with Em about A unintentionally making me feel shitty for FINALLY accepting my limitations & making lifestyle & wardrobe changes to reflect that. Em said she'd talk to A because if I did it, A might feel attacked & get defensive.

Day before yesterday, Em dropped by to hang, help me put together a shoerack, and go to a local costume shop that does rentals and serves all the theater departments & dance companies in a 70 mile radius. This shop is amazing, been around since I was little, almost everything is hand made with amazing care and detail, and the decor in their shop is ever changing, detailed, and super fucking cool. ANYWAY, we got on the subject of A, whom I've only seen once or twice since talking to Em about it & seemed ok both times aside from getting legit pissed that I'm better at macrame plant holders than she is. Apparently A currently thinks I dislike her or like her less or something. So I asked Em if I should gently talk to her about it and see if we can reach an understanding. She said she thought it was a good idea h really, I don't like one of my friends thinking I dislike them. So yesterday I pulled together some courage and messaged her. The following is the conversation that occured:

Me: So, I've heard that you are upset and under the impression that I don't like you anymore or like you less or something. So I'm gonna clear the air, but I'm gonna be blunt and honest with you because I'm not down for lying. K? (And let me go ahead and flat out say, I don't dislike you or like you any less)

A:I've just been feeling some reservations toward me lately. Go ahead I can take blunt.

(Spoiler: she cannot take even sugarcoated gentle level blunt)

ME: So here is the deal. My illness is eternal and is only ever going to get worse. In fact, it is constantly getting worse in small, large, and sometimes interesting & unexpected ways. Sometimes it creeps on slowly, sometimes it hits like an anvil was dropped on me. Therefore I am constantly having to adjust my lifestyle, activities, wardrobe... EVERYTHING. Very recently, I realized that I have spent the last 3 years trying to live my old life and just cope so my quality of life has been SHIT. I've finally truly accepted the shithole that is my health for what it is and have started to truly make real adjustments to my lifestyle, hobbies, wardrobe, ect. Because I will never get better and live in about 400 sq ft (at best) that means when I realize something doesn't fit my abilities or needs anymore, I get rid of it. However, I always offer those things to the kids & my friends first before donating them. But here's the thing, when I offer these things to you, I get a load of questions & comments that end up making me feel like I have failed as a person for realizing what has taken me 3 years to realize. For example: when I told you that Julia's candles were my last batch ever, there were loads of 'have you tried...' and 'I'm sure you can find a way.' I know you mean well, but if I'm giving something up, I've truly tried ever avenue to make it work within my limits and it just doesn't. Even after I quit candles in May, I kept the stuff (which took up massive space) until August because I doubted myself and was reluctant to lose another hobby. But I need to face facts and be realistic. Same with the sweater. I am drastically altering my wardrobe for whatever the upcoming season is to fit the fact that I need my cane at all times now (POCKETS) and the fact that my clothes need to be comfy enough for me to get dressed every day not just days I'm leaving the house. I've lived in PJs for the last year and a half and it's not good for my mental health. So all things that don't fit that criteria or my new altered lifestyle must go. And it's going to be a constant process because I'm constantly getting worse. The jewelry making stuff, I genuinely forgot you wanted it because honestly i don't even remember what happened yesterday, so I'm sorry. (I had jewelry making supplies that I can't use anymore due to -15 hand strength, which I gave to Em.)

A: I'm sorry that I've been putting you down and making you feel shity. That's never been my intention. If I ask a ton of questions it's not because I don't understand the severity and challenges in your daily life. I ask so many questions because I often find unconventional wacky solutions to peoples problems all the time and if I can be in the slightest bit helpful in finding a loophole or a way you might not have seen, I thought that would be better than just saying "I'm so sorry to hear that" I figured you hear that enough but idk how often you hear people actually trying to find a way. Like the sweater example, I would have been happy to take you shopping for a fun print material the made you some pockets. Outside like a cool patchwork with awesome prints, or inside like a bond detective. But you were so quick to snap at me and explain your whole situation like I am not taking you seriously. I ask because I want to hear your needs and maybe just maybe be able to help out. But if all I do is make you feel like your grandma did then I'll do you a favor and stop inviting myself over to make you feel shitty. I'm glad Emma always knows just what to say.

Now at this point, I stopped replying. I was kind of shocked at her response. Like, I expected her to explain her intentions, despite me making it clear I knew her intentions were good, because that's what people do. I expected us to discuss how things should be moving forward so I don't continue to feel like a failure. I considered maybe mentioning somewhere in there that if I want help or advice or solutions, I'll fucking ask. But I did NOT expect those last couple sentences where she basically stomped her feet and said well since this isn't going how I want, I'm not playing with you guys anymore.

After careful thought, writing & editing over a 5 hr period, I sent this (which are screenshots from my notes because typing is rough, I wanted to convey what I wanted just right, and now you have to click on them to see the full thing. I'm sorry I've failed you, the reader of this normal convo turned melodrama, in such a fashion.):

She responded at like 2 am (when I was asleep) so I saw there was a response when I woke up, but given the history of her behavior in situations like this (conveyed via Em, who has known her MUCH longer) I decided not to open it just yet, as I'd like to relax and enjoy my day. This shit stresses me out. I don't do drama and tantrums. I don't tolerate it from my teenage Spawn, much less fucking adults. I get the feeling that the response is going to be just as melodramatic & tantrum filled. If this is how she handles her intentions not aligning with the result of her actions that were driven by said intentions, then she's in for a real shock when she leaves the cuddlebox of college and enters the real world. Your boss isn't going to care about how good your intentions were when you accidentally burned down the kitchen of the bakery you work in. They will just care that you burned down their fucking business.

Welp, may as well rip off the bandaid. For you, my dear reader, to have closure I will read the response. Back in a sec.

OMG IT WAS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC THAN I EXPECTED.

A:I understand. And I told you where I stand. I am the type of friend that instinctually tries to help those she cares deeply about. I'm not the friend to just sit and feel bad when there's something I can do. But I have been feeling for a while now unwanted and you have confirmed it by not saying anything then, just talking about it to my former close friend, and then throwing it in my face that you have been holding on to a box cuz of me. And like the adult i am, I don't see why I should change the type of friend I am just because some one is ungrateful for it. I'll go help someone else leave their abusive boyfriend's in the middle of the night. for the people I care about I'd do anything, anything except sit and do nothing while I'm told how much worse I make things when I try and help. I will just take my good intentions elsewhere. I have had the worst year of my life but I don't remember you asking me once anyway. I wish you the best buy obviously your life is better without me and my negativity in it. I truly am sorry I hurt your feelings and I never ever wanted to. I cherished your friendship more than you'll ever know and you can ask anyone. But because I can't see myself sitting by biting my tongue around you and waking on eggshells because I clearly can't see the bounty between helpful conversion and being a cunt. Since I respect you so much I'll go ahead and remove that stupid cunt from your life so you won't be put down again.

HOOOLY SHIT. I'm not responding to that giant fucking dramatic pity party. She legit needs to grow the fuck up. Good god.

[karelysse]

ohhh my goodness, huge shoutout to you for getting through that ask!! i kept trying to find a good place to stop… and then i just gave up :) and tysm for waiting, i wanted to get back to you asap but it took longer than expected ^^; — as always i simply adore your replies and truly you are indulging me here.

but YES. you want to talk about yuzuvier, let’s talk about them!! disaster children!! i have to admit, you have me at a bit of a disadvantage since idk how much you’ve changed from the original plot set-up, but i’ll give it my best shot 🫡

let me start by dropping some music recs: ‘It’s Not The Same Anymore’ by Rex Orange County + ‘Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want This Time’ by The Smiths (also i am listening to the angsty teen spirit cover, it’s truly a vibe!!)

the big thing for me is like. yuzuru and javi meeting again under these circumstances would be so messy. i’m picturing yuzuru toeing the line btwn distant politeness and crushing vulnerability. he’s like. brittle. and tired. and just out of fuck’s to give in the worst way possible (where you don’t care because nothing matters, instead of not caring because you know exactly what matters and what doesn’t). and some days he feels like he’s fine and other days he feels like he’s falling apart all over again (because healing isn’t linear!!)

i’m imaging javi trying to slide back into the back-and-forth dynamic of their competitive days and it’s simply. not working. and having an honest conversation doesn’t work either, because yuzuru’s guards are up and he’s built 100 foot tall walls around his heart.

(like, for example, assuming the catalyst for yuzuru coming to spain is the same as it was originally - the fiancée and the scandal and all that)

jv: i mean, if we’re being honest, i never took for the type to-

yz, dryly: what? sleep with men?

jv: —cheat on your partner. […] what the fuck, yuzu.

(not saying this convo would necessarily happen, but trying to illustrate the ~tension~)

javi is trying, they’re both trying, but it’s just so hard. javi has always been kind, but now he’s almost too kind, and yuzuru hates it. he hates it (because javi’s kindness makes him feel vulnerable and exposed, and he can’t afford another heartbreak). ah, to have the reckless boldness of youth again!

…and i was wondering, what has javi’s love life looked like in these years? i enjoy maximum melodrama, so i was thinking maybe he was engaged a while back (a year ago? two?), they were actually planning to get married this summer. javi tries not to think about it too much. yuzuru buys pastries from the local village bakery, once he gathers the will to start venturing into town. javi doesn’t tell him that strawberry cheesecakes where his fiancé’s favourites too (he’s happy yuzuru seems to enjoy tho)

going to hit pause here again. still have lots of thoughts to share though! very excited to talk to you about how i think the cottage needing repairs should be a catalyst for bed sharing :} thank you again, you’ve made my sick day much more fun 💞

AH YES i'm so so sorry about this and the confusion it entails. truth is, i don't think i even know myself the scandal i want it to be anymore. two things : 1. this fic idea came to me 4 years ago! growing up and coming to terms with my own issues related to ~being publicly queer~, i feel like i don't care so much anymore about stories about people being in the closet, about sustained lies and hiding, where everything is going badly. idk, i've had my fill, i'm just not personally there anymore. still enjoy writing repression of feelings!!!! bottling up!!!! things unsaid!!!!! but more with an interpersonal focus, the specificity of each complex situation, rather than an "all my problems are actually about being gay" kinda thing. (rereading this and im rotfl. all problems ARE about being gay sometimes. fkgfjgk) so, WHAT I WANT TO SAY omg gee will i get to it is that i feel like the original intrigue, the way i imagined it, was a lil manichean. that's where comes point no.2 : i don't think yuzu is ever going to have a super public life? like? i don't like this idea of him riding the fame anymore? i feel like if he wanted to, he would have by now? actually i feel like this could be part of development : starting at point A, where everything is kept maniacly quiet and private, bc he wouldn't ever want to risk his image and legacy, and getting to point B : accepting it's okay to do public mistakes if it means showing up your authentic self. meaning, your imperfect authentic self still has value, still can bring something to the world, more than a pristine clean projected image. cataclysm could very much still be fake-marriage, gay paparazzi picture scandal! i still love it!

i feel like the story sounds the exact same fjkjgkfg but in my head i swear it's different. less internalized homophobia and drama about being out. more - simply & once again - performance anxiety dkfjkdf. (i am not repeating myself it's called a motif ok????) yuzu's in very good terms with his (ex-) fiancée. they're actual friends. they both knew this wasn't a marriage out of love. it just sucks bc yuzu, with his carelessness, hurt the deal they had that was good for them both. they can't go back.

now for Javi. YES to the broken engagement kdfgjlfgkgk. they would mirror each other (vine voice: omg they would mirror each other). what i was thinking with javi is that his struggle is that he's a serial dater. u know the people in your life who are never, ever single???? like, not that their relationships are short, sometimes they're very long, it's just, mostly, that they can't stand to be alone??? yeah. javi like that. chosing the comfort and stability of a long term relationship even if it's not perfect and he's not super happy in it. in love with the idea of love rather than with the actual person??? (thinking now about yuzu witnessing that at tcc. the jump from one relationship to the next, courtney-miki-marina-the-new-girlfriend-we-don't-know-about, all in the span of 6 years??? with little to no breaks in between??? while he's left pining for the man the whole time??? his poor teenage heart. siri play you belong with me by taylor swift (taylor's version).)

and hear me out, i know it's horrible, but i was imagining javi only being happy in his relationships over a period of six months : the first three months and the last three months. happy in the last three because he has by then already met his /next potential girl/ hgfjhgjfhg spends all his time texting her and the challenge is new and she comforts him and that's why it's so easy to leave his previous relationship and jump into the new one. boy's just continually transitioning. :) bonus point if yuzu tells him that, casually, over breakfast. like. yeah, you just can't stand to be alone. why are you making that face. everybody noticed long time ago, javi.

SO the fic starts and javi is SINGLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN like. HIS ENTIRE LIFE. (yuzu is dubious about that. like. mh-mh, sure. who broke up your engagement? no new lady met few months before? yes, yes. i believe.)

thing is, it's the first time javi has been broken up with that actually hurt. he's been dumped before, sure! his ego a bit wounded, but truly, it only spared him the trouble of doing so himself. but this girl, he had proposed to her. he was ready for the long run, he was ready, he swears. (he's not an asshole!!!! his philosophy is really just : love is something that happens to you. when it doesn't happen anymore, it's over, and it's okay! it'll happen again! he has faith! but his lesson in this fic is : love is something you have to work for. actively. like any good thing that comes to you if you wanna keep it.) cue yuzuru teaching him the lesson the hard way, absolutely brutal : you know what. you know what. your fiancée just saved herself the pain you would have inevitably caused her. good for her, leaving your ass before you could get bored. before you could stop bothering with the effort it would require to stay with her, like you do EACH time! good for her. good for her.

also. cue the the conversation in the very beginning.

jv: i mean, if we’re being honest, i never took you for the type to-

yz, dryly: what? sleep with men?

jv: —cheat on your partner.

yz, planting his fork into his steak: no. (looking up) no. that would be you, wouldn't it?

(cause they kissed. they did. they pretended it didn't happen and it was a heat-of-the-moment thing but they did. and yuzu remembers.)

GOD i have so much more to say but i'm gonna stop here and give u a chance to finish your thoughts!!! tell me about your 'there was only one bed' and i'll tell u about the under-shirt-back-caresses they exchange sometimes to help the other fall asleep in it:)

[dormarunt]

Hi, Dee! 😊

D, N, Y for the writer ask 😁

Hii! <3 Thank you for the ask! D. Drama - Do you enjoy writing drama? What's your favorite?

Hmm. I'm gonna go by Fanlore's definition of drama: "Drama generally refers to plotty works with elements of tragedy, melodrama and action-adventure, and sometimes comedy and horror. It differs from action-adventure in being more character driven and cerebral, and less action oriented."

So-- yeah. Although the plotting part can be the most difficult part to me, I still love working it out. And since I tend to be an introspective type of writer it's a challenge to work the plot since my always-question is "why is [character] doing this??" It would be easy to just write them go through the plot as I wrote it down in my outline, but hey, they have personalities and wants and must have reasons to do things and well, that just stands in my way sometimes. I do love a challenge, so-- yes. Through the "plotty" elements of it, I love drama!

One of my favorite things to write was Parabola. Writing time-travel assassins that love each other throughout different timelines - a delight to think up and write up. Although, in parts, Parabola veered into to being straight-up romance - Andres still loved Martin through successive mind-wipes, he searched for him even though he didn't even remember what he looked like! It's the perfect framework for some of that good, good romance. But overall drama, I think, what with-- everything going on through the timelines.

N. Nature - Do you like writing about the outdoors? A certain type of weather or season?

Since I had to think about it, then not really? I'm not an outdoorsy person and genuinely can't remember if I've written many outdoor scenes. I do love me writing some rain; bonus points if the weather outside is a parallel to what the characters are going through at that moment!

Y. Yearning - How do you feel about slow burns?

Okay two things - yearning is LIFE.

First thing, my username, Dor Mărunt? It's also the name of a small village here that I've never visited but it's fine, if you don't search my name and social media like Twitter or Tumblr or AO3 specifically it doesn't show in the search results and I'm sorry I'm sorry but it's a delightful phrase if you speak Romanian? It pleases both my ear and my heart equally. "Dor" means longing, yearning, but something vast and ancestral. It is said that there's no precise translation of the word "dor" in any language, with all it's inherent intricacies that only a native speaker would understand, and "mărunt" is a sort of archaic, less-used word for "small". Like - minute. So it means "small longing", but it's a translation that's so poor? It lacks so many dimensions to properly translate. And it's such a neat little oxymoron, too.

So yes, yearning. I love the whole concept of it. Love has this component of yearning that's just inherent in it, it's an integral component of loving someone or being in love. And Berlermo is just so good at it, through their canon dynamic? I'm sure that they're both yearning for what they didn't get to have, which is for them to be together. Martin-- of course. Before and after the kiss, just differently. Andres-- he loved Martin back, but it could never happen. Still, there can't have been at least a single second where his heart didn't just break with yearning for what they could have had.

Yet I can't write slow-burns to save my life. I love them with my core, but I tend to condense the yearning like a supernova - it's quick, yes, but it's A Lot and it's Definitive. They just-- know. You tend to know, with the right person. Either when you are, or when you can't be anymore (ugh, my detective!Martin fic; the heartbreak in that is something else. I love and hate that fic so much. GOD I should finish it. ANYWAY.)

Slow burns - I love them, but don't put me through 120k words only for them to finally confess their feelings for each other in the penultimate chapter. And then it ends???? NO? Please. Slow is fine, but glacial is-- a choice.

[arcane-ish]

Eh, I mostly added those things as an opportunity to add more soapy melodrama and less for legit world building. Maybe I will one day make a post where I advertise the miner setting and why I think it has some decent fic potential ;)

For what it's worth the two fics that heavily influenced my take on "miner boys in love" were

Silt Verses where Silco almost drowns in the mines

What do all stories have in common, dear Vander? the story where Silco is a spotter in the mines and comes across Vander like that.

I haven’t found the Amanda tweet about it seeming that both Vander and Silco were miners,

The Amanda Tweet in question is this one:

I think the "gave them the chance to make money other than as miners" implies that they were both miners. That said, my position on Amanda tweets is:

1.) Sometimes her comments can put other scenes and dialogue bits into a different like. Like, I think her explanation for Marcus motivation is really stupid, but if you look at the actual text, you can definitely see the traces of the story that she is describing. Similarly, if you keep what she said about Miner Silco in mind it gives different context to "crawl back" and it makes you pay more attention to the Finn line. So there are cases where canon corroborates what she describes.

2.) I think anybody is totally free to take the stance of "It's not canon till it shows up in season 2". Like, I feel like there is a decent chance that "the betrayal" will get addressed in season 2 in some way (whether in flashback or narration) so when she says to confidently it happened after the Battle of the Bridge I think there is a decent chance that it will be covered or at least referenced and that it will at least be something generally along those lines.

3.) By comparison, I feel like the chances are very low that stuff about Vander and Silco's time running the lanes will make it into season 2. I feel we would probably lucky to get anything more detailed/I would already be over the moon if they showed any flashback that showed them together at all and if they do something deeper about their past, I feel it's most likely be betrayal stuff/something about the battle of the bridge because the battle of the bridge was probably relevant for the lives of more characters (most notably Vi and Jinx's parents).

I mean, I wouldn't completly rule out that we might get something (again dialogue reference, flashback) on their first meeting and if the writers think of them as having met as miners then that would likely show up there. But I feel it's not unlikely that this backstory does not matter that much to the writers, so, let's say nothing about that makes it ever into the script. Should we still take her words as canon even if nothing in the show indicates it?

She mentioned among the writers they had a headcanon that Viktor's parents bought Viktor a university uniform and smuggled him into the university, but in the show Viktor said nobody ever believed in him, arguably contradicting this story with his parents.

I think if the show does not cover it, then people should just go with what feels more right, regardless of what one writer says about what headcanon they had during writing. And as far as what actually made it on screen so far, I think miner!Silco has some corroboration in the dialogue and Benzo&Vander as maybe not miners works (miner!Vander also works, but I would consider them equally likely). [and that is even provided you even care about canonicity and don't just prefer making up your own stuff even if it contradicts or seemingly contradicts canon hints]

I've said before, I personally prefer to headcanon Silco and Vander meeting as young men in the revolution. Simply because that is what they vibed like to me/that was the first thing that popped into my head when I watched the show for the first time. That they don't feel ... personal enough in their big talking scene, that they feel like two people who have known each other since they were preteens. But that doesn't mean that I don't like fic or art that has them as meeting as pre-teens or like 10-14 range. Heck I might even try to play around with the idea (even if the results are only plotbunnies). Because I just enjoy challenging myself by trying to view the characters differently and seeing what kind of stories would come out of that.

(for example, I tend to picture Vander and Silco in either a "McBeth and Lady McBeth" type of arrangement (like growing out of "bigger, stronger Vander always protected the smaller Silco and grew into a leader pretty much the way Vi was a leader in season 1 except Silco had his ear and dictated a lot of the direction) or as equals who both had their own crews and merged their operations when they met, so the idea that maybe Silco was the leader and Vander was like the adoring goon who Silco elevated to main sidekick doesn't really come naturally to me, and I really have to sit down and think about it and how I would make the characters fit for that work and how that would change their dynamic)

Like when I look at my other stuff I played around with enough to jot down at least a few sentences, other than "miner boys in love" thing which likely arose as a direct reaction to Amanda posting her comments, as a way to work through those comments, most of it has them firmly meeting as grown men in the Lanes, set after Silco has already left the mines.

Zaun culture/ normal life/ setting headcanons

Headcanons I realised I have while writing this finished Vander/Silco revolution-and-betrayal fic.

- Zaunite parenting is quite communal, as a matter of culture. Kids typically run around the street together and are vaguely watched by all the adults present. Mixed families happen a lot simply because life is dangerous, and Zaunite adults are  expected to take on orphans if they are the best placed person to do so. This often segues into children working very young. Piltovan views on this cultural practice are considered classist slurs by Zaun patriots like Vander and Benzo. (Silco is, in this fic, in a league of his own when it comes to “thinking fucked-up things are okay” but it’s not entirely his fault). - Zaunites use “brother”, “uncle”, “sister” etc in a very inclusive way that does not imply biological or necessarily even adoptive family relationship (which lots of real-world cultures do too).  Again, Piltovans assume this is because biological incest is very common in Zaun, which is not true and is an insensitive slur. (But every time Silco calls Vander “brother” in Arcane, apart from the last one, he’s spitting the word out because they were more than that and Vander is pretending they weren’t and he definitely does not want Vander back as more than brothers-in-arms, of course not, *hurt hiss*).  Though adoptive relationships are very much considered real family, so “sister” or “brother” can be used very literally in context.

- The Lanes is just one district of Zaun, specifically that controlled/ policed by Vander and Benzo as of Act 1. Vander is an influential figure in wider Zaun, but he’s not necessarily the top dog. Silco set up his crime headquarters in Vander’s pub after being implored to “spare the Lanes” in an act of pure spite by Silco. (And I love him for it). - Many Zaunites are day workers in Piltover. There is continual political tension between Piltovan business interests who rely on the cheaper labour (who are generally aligned with Zaunite interests on this), and those who would restrict or monitor access to Piltover from Zaun. The latter say that Zaunite criminals commit crimes in Piltover and run back to hide in the undercity, which is often true. - The air in the undercity is breathable to all but is a major driver of sickness and early death for Zaunites. The causes are both natural (fissure gases) and artificial (emissions from Zaun-owned chemtech factories and from other industrial activity that Piltover outsources to Zaun). It may have improved between Arcane Act 1 and 2; it’s possible Silco did actually do some of the easier measures about reducing factory emissions (catalytic scrubbers, etc) or possibly the balance of industry in Zaun just changed a bit. - Zaunites who have not made body modifications/ been injured to ensure an asymmetrical appearance can pass as Piltovans quite easily with a change of clothes. This happens rarely enough that Piltovans don’t expect it at all. Proud Zaunites wear asymmetrical clothes or at least have asymmetrical hair unless they are really, really up to something. - there is a group of Piltovans, mostly students, who protest peacefully for Zaun independence. It’s mostly as ridiculous as you’d expect but I love them for trying. - The mines are probably not in central Zaun and not worked by voluntary day labourers. Jayce refers to them as “mining colonies” which sounds like a euphemism, and Silco says “the mines they had us in” (plus a writer saying on Twitter that he “grew up in the mines”) which gives us a very dark picture of what the mines might be like.