#I don’t want to suffer through any more cgi Luke...

[littledeadling]

I can’t watch the new mandalorian trailer I’m still so burned by the shitshow ending of TBOBF 💀💀💀 long rant in the tags sorry please don’t mind me

[vaguely-concerned]

I've been reading through your very very good mando meta (A+ stuff) and I got to the post about how the sensory experience of the show is so tactile and weighty and real and it's such a great point - and it hit me that that's also part of why luke felt so wrong to me. The cg luke is so... detached from the world of the show bc otherwise so much care was put in to make things feel so real and he just didn't feel real at all? It's like a videogame cutscene was spliced into the footage

Yeah that’s a really good call, anon! luke’s arrival fucks with the narrative in so many ways for me, and that is definitely one of them; he just visually looks like this stiff strange weightless thing apart from everything else and grogu’s meant to go from the sensory grounded, real, loving presence of din that’s been established and developed for two seasons to THAT and I’m supposed to think that’s a good thing because hey look it’s the mirage of luke skywalker aren’t you feeling nostalgic??? (hilariously that uncanny valley effect is often deliberately used in horror media, which is definitely more what it evoked for me lol. POV Bad Wrong Digital Fae Mark Hamill turns up and fuckn takes your baby, and thus one half of the main emotional through line of this entire goddamn show, away to potentially be in the middle of a second jedi youngling massacre unless you’ll get him back in time, and the narrative sincerely expects you to thank him. if they at least had the balls to intentionally present luke as a threatening figure because that’s what he is in this story, to this character, I might still buy that they had some interesting metanarrative stuff going on with this and give it some benefit of the doubt, but I Do Not) 

and it’s so odd b/c if I still believed they knew what they were doing with pacing and act structure and character arcs I’d say this is meant to be din’s Darkest Moment point, ala what ESB did for the original trilogy. no baby (also established as his link to love and healing and hope :) ), no ship and thus no way to even go back to how he used to live, no real community, no agency, just this fucking sword he doesn’t want shoving him into a Destiny that doesn’t matter to him or to the audience. y’know what luke represents to din, within the logic of the show itself and not the larger star wars canon? a threat. a harbinger of separation and emotional annihilation, a complete breakdown of self. and that is precisely what he felt like to me, being introduced mainly as committing stunning, almost otherworldly violence, and then taking away not only everything that is important and soft and resonant on this show, but taking the visual language of din’s past, trauma and love away from him with the way the baby looking back over his shoulder is shot. I’d say this is more of an insult to luke as a character than tlj could ever be, straight up coming in to separate a child from a father, and without even a promise they could still see each other sometimes. why are luke and din basically enacting their own traumas on this baby and it’s like. at worst neutrally coded??? (sidenote: have we gotten any, really ANY actually new biographical information about din in this entire season lol? it feels so weird to have to be like ‘actually I’m... I’m sort of invested in your main character, may I please have some proper time with him?’ for a whole season) 

and if -- IF -- I still believed they would honor the basic fucking tenets of storytelling and the storyteller/audience contract of trust, I’d sort of be exited for that, because there can -- there should! -- be a darkest moment, as long as you can trust that the writer knows why it’s the darkest moment and what’s needed to get you out of that dark tunnel and back to the light shining stronger and wiser than before on the other side. like okay maybe it’s good the separation happens at the end of a season, that means we can have a time skip and get to the reunion quicker instead of suffering through the loneliness in real time! that might mean just sending the baby off to someone else is not actually the end thematic goal here, and we’ve gotten that failed option out of the way relatively early! what’s been broken can heal. but the amount of trust you have to reestablish with me as a viewer when you relegate one of the most important emotional beats of your entire story to a hurried 5 minute thing that’s completely overshadowed by an uncanny CGI CAMEO that turns your main character into a side thing people barely mention after the episode, with no conflict, the baby seemingly doesn’t even want to stay that much, it’s solved within minutes? immense. near impossible. it’s basically admitting that the writer was less invested in din, in the very soul the show, than I was as an audience, it’s such a lazy thoughtless breach of trust. if you want access to break my heart again you better do it a  h e l l  of a lot more skillfully than that, mr favreau, I don’t let amateur narrative heart surgeons in there to just fumble around as they please lol   

(also star wars is so obsessed with this theme of selflessness vs. selfishness and that being the only way to conceive of morality that it presents din having to let his self be completely destroyed as a noble selfless thing to do  l m a o  I just want to reiterate once more: asking a parent to completely give up their TODDLER CHILD for good when that really shouldn’t be necessary isn’t about selflessness, it’s just cruel. if I dare hope for anything truly good in this show anymore it’s future seasons examining why in the goddamn world anyone thought this was the only possible way to do things when the galaxy is so endlessly huge and diverse and unexpected, but with how they’ve been shrinking the world more and more this season... yeah I’m not holding my breath.) 

[aion-rsa]

How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season

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This article contains Ted Lasso spoilers through season 2 episode 8.

Perhaps you’ve heard, but Apple TV+ series Ted Lasso was the subject of some dreaded Discourse recently. 

Since the Internet is infinite and we privileged few in the media have nothing but time, a handful of features came out weeks ago essentially questioning what Ted Lasso season 2 was even all about. Many of these features were well-written, well-argued, and fair, but when filtered through Twitter’s anti-nuance machine (i.e. Twitter itself), every feature boiled down to the same reductive take: Ted Lasso season 2 doesn’t have a conflict. 

In some respects, this take was the inevitable reaction to the metanarrative surrounding Ted Lasso in the first place. Despite drawing its inspiration from a series of somewhat cynical NBC Sports Premier League commercials, the first season of Ted Lasso was all about the transformative power of kindness. 

Or at least that’s what we critics declared it to be. And I don’t blame us. Awash in a flood of screeners about antiheroes, dystopias, and the end of the world, the simple kindness of Ted Lasso seemed revolutionary. They made a TV show about a guy who is…nice? They can do that? But the inherent goodness of its lead character was always Ted Lasso’s elevator pitch, not its thesis. 

There’s been a darkness at the center of Ted Lasso since its very first moment, when an American man got on a flight to London in a doomed attempt to save his marriage. And, as season 2’s brilliant eighth episode rolls around, it’s become clear that that darkness is what the show has really been “about” this whole time. 

Season 2 episode 8 “Man City” (the title is referring to AFC Richmond’s FA Cup match against opponent Manchester City but also stealthily reveals that this installment will be all about men and their respective traumas) is quite simply the best episode of Ted Lasso yet. It also might be the best episode of television this year. Near the episode’s end, right before AFC Richmond plays a crucial FA Cup match against the mighty Manchester City, coach Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) finally comes clean with his coaching staff. He’s been suffering from panic attacks of late. His assistant coaches hear him, accept him, and then head off to the pitch where Man City absolutely obliterates their team.

Man City destroys AFC Richmond. They annihilate them. Embarrass them. Stuff them into a locker and steal their lunch money. The final score is 4-0 but it might as well be 400-0. The coaching staff is rattled but the players are hit even harder. Richmond’s star striker and former Man City player Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) is forced to endure watching his scumbag father cheer for his hometown team from the Wembley Stadium stands at the expense of his son. 

After the game, Jamie’s father, James (Kieran O’Brien), enters the locker room where he drunkenly accosts him for being a loser and demands that Jamie grant access to the Wembley Stadium pitch for him and his scumbag friends to run around on. When Jamie refuses, his father pushes him, so Jamie reflexively punches him right in the face. James is dragged out of the locker room by Coach Beard (Brendan Hunt), leading a stunned and traumatized Jamie Tartt standing in the middle of the room, as if in a spotlight of pure pain, surrounded by teammates too afraid to even approach him. And then something amazing happens…

Here’s the dirty secret about television: there’s a lot of it. Due to the sheer number of TV shows released each year, even the best of them are destined to become little more than memories long-term. Sometimes all you can ask from multiple episodes and seasons of television is to provide you with one moment, one line, or one warm feeling to carry with you into the future. I don’t know how much I’ll remember from Ted Lasso 30-40 years from now when I’m immobile and reclined in my floating entertainment unit, Wall-E style. But I know I’ll at least remember the moment that Roy hugs Jamie.

The great Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein) – a character so disconnected from his own emotions that some fans are convinced he’s CGI – embraces the one person in the world he is least likely to embrace. As Roy and Jamie wordlessly hug, it’s hard to tell which man is more shocked by the moment. Ultimately, however, it might be Ted Lasso himself who is hit hardest. Shortly after seeing Roy play father to the younger Jamie, Ted quickly exits the locker room and calls sports psychologist Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles) on his Apple TV+-apporved iPhone. 

“My father killed himself when I was 16. That happened. To me and to my mom,” Ted says, weeping. 

And that, my friends, is what Ted Lasso is all about. Pain. And dads. But mostly pain. 

None of us can say that Ted Lasso didn’t warn us it was coming. To go back to the discourse of it all real quick – I don’t blame anyone for not picking up on the direction that this show was so clearly heading in. Ted Lasso is, first and foremost, a sitcom. The beauty of sitcoms is that you welcome them into your home to watch at your own pace and your own terms. If having Ted Lasso on in the background so you can occasionally see the handsome mustache man who smiles while you fold your laundry is the way you’ve chosen to engage with the show, then great! Just know that season 2 has been operating on a deeper level this whole time as well.

Let’s take things all the way back to the beginning – back to before season 2 even began. You’ve likely heard the old philosophical thought experiment “if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well Jason Sudeikis’s interviews leading up the season 2 premiere beg an equally as interesting hypothetical “how many times can one man mention The Empire Strikes Back before someone notices??”

Sudeikis referred to Ted Lasso season 2 as the show’s “Empire Strikes Back” multiple times before the premiere including in his local Kansas City Star and his technically local USA Today. The show even explicitly mentions the second Star Wars film in this season’s first episode when Richmond general manager Higgins (Jeremy Swyft) tells Ted that his kids are watching the trilogy for the first time. Sudeikis (who co-created and produces the show) and showrunner Bill Lawrence clearly want us to take the idea that Ted Lasso season 2 is The Empire Strikes Back seriously. And why would that be? 

Think of how ESB differs from its two Star Wars siblings in the original trilogy. This is the story that features arguably the series most iconic moment when Luke Skywalker discovers his dad is a dick on a literal universal level. It also has the only unambiguously downer ending of any original trilogy Star Wars film. Luke is thoroughly defeated in this installment. Having one’s hand chopped off by their father and barely escaping with their life is definitely the Star Wars version of a 4-0 defeat. 

The Empire Strikes Back can safely be boiled down into two concepts: 

Dads are complicated.

Everything sucks.

When viewed through those two conceptual prisms, so much of Ted Lasso season 2 begins to make more sense.

Episode 1 opens with the death of a dog and then leads into a classic Ted Lasso speech that could serve as this season’s mission statemetn. After recounting the story of how he cared for his sick neighbor’s dog, Ted concludes with: “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry knowing that they existed then become the same thing that can make you cry knowing that they’re now gone. Those things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”

Things like…a father who you didn’t have nearly enough time with? Following episode 1 (and following just about every episode this season), Bill Lawrence took to Twitter to assuage viewers’ fears about a lack of central conflict this season. He had this to say about Ted’s big speech.

Look, Merrill. It was thought out, but the speech he gives after (Written by Jason himself – I loved it) is the core of the season, but we knew some people might bum out.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

Sorry, truly. Ted’s speech after (which I love, but am obviously biased) is a big part of the season. But it sounds like you had a crappy thing happen recently.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 28, 2021

It’s not. But Ted’s speech has big relevance. Stick around!

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 26, 2021

He also had this to say about dads.

Effin Dads, man. Love mine so, but he’s struggling a bit.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

“Effin dads” and our complicated relationships with them are all over Ted Lasso season 2. In the very next episode, Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh) tells Ted “You know, my father says that every time you’re on TV, he’s very happy that I’m here. That I’m in safe hands with you.”

Ted smiles at this bit of info but not as warmly as you might expect. Because to Ted, a dad isn’t a reassuring presence but rather someone you love who will just leave when you need him the most. That’s why he’s been trying to be the perfect father figure this whole time. That’s why he did something as extreme as leaving his family behind in Kansas while he heads off to London. If giving his wife space was the only way to preserve the family and remain a good dad, then he was going to give her a whole ocean of space.

Moreover, Ted hasn’t just been trying to serve as a father figure to his son this whole time but to everyone else as well. Sam’s comment to Ted reminds him that not everyone has a good dad, which encourages him to bring Jamie into the fold in the first place.

As time goes on, however, the stress of being the consummate father to everyone in his orbit begins to wear on Ted. Throughout the entirety of this season, Ted Lasso appears to be trying to be Ted Lasso just a bit too hard. His energy levels are too high. His jokes go on too long. The same life lessons that worked last year aren’t working this year. AFC Richmond opens with an embarrassing streak of draws before Jamie’s immense talents set things straight.

It all culminates in this season’s sixth episode when Ted has his second panic attack in as many years. This time it’s in public during an important game. The experience sends Ted running through the concourse of the stadium until he somehow ends up in the dark on Dr. Fieldstone’s couch, instinctively, like a wounded animal. 

It’s certainly no coincidence that this panic attack occurs on the same day that Ted received a call from his son’s school asking him to pick him up, not realizing that he’s an ocean away. In that moment, Ted can’t help but remember what it’s like to be left behind by his own father and subconsciously wonder if he’s doing the same. 

Though the shallow waters of Ted Lasso season 2 may have appeared consequence free for half its run, beneath the surface was a tidal wave of conflict. Just because the conflict wasn’t taking place between a happy-go-lucky football coach and a villainous owner doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

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Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin is terrible at meeting deadlines but great at writing. According to him (and William Faulkner, from whom he borrows the quote), the only conflict worth writing about is that of the human heart with itself. That’s something that The Empire Strikes Back understood. And it’s something that Ted Lasso season 2 does as well.

The post How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[loopy777]

Return of the Jedi is often looked upon as the weakest of the original trilogy. If you share that opinion, what do you think would have improved it? Aside from the Ewok thing, I think they could have gone with a different climax that doesn’t involve a second Death Star (maybe an old timey ship-to-ship style battle with the Executor but in space?)

Yeah, having another Death Star is definitely a bit tired. I appreciate that it came with a bunch of different visuals thanks to its half-finished nature, destroying it didn't involve another trench run, and it allowed for the biggest and most technically accomplished space action of the entire series (they did that all with real models and compositing! CGI may look nice, but it's easy), but having another super-weapon -- never mind the exact same thing as the first movie -- feels lazy.

In the early drafts, the creative team had been toying with something involving the Imperial Capital, but the action never really went beyond Death Star-esque space stations and a forest moon. I think something could have been done with the capital planet itself, but that would have required more budget than George Lucas wanted to spend, and his vision possibly wasn't even technically possible at the time.

Also, I do agree that that Ewoks are perhaps a little too kid-friendly. I think the theme works, with the 'primitives' defeating the more technological Empire, and I even think it was implemented in a believable manner. But the whole 'teddy bear picnic' look of it (as Carrie Fisher called it) was probably too much for the aging primary audience, never mind the adult fans, and there didn't need to be so much silliness and comedy with them. It's the same thing that sunk Jar-Jar and the Gungans in Phantom Menace- cute bumbling critters are fine, but then the audience isn't really going to warm to them winning a war. I don't mean that the fight needs to be all gritty and violent, but leaving the slapstick to just Wicket and letting the other Ewoks looks like experienced guerillas would have probably accomplished a lot in endearing the idea to the audience.

More than the teddy bears, though, I think the look of Endor's moon itself doesn't meet Star Wars standards. It's just a forest, the same thing you can see in any low-budget fantasy movie. Sure, there are a few more redwoods in RotJ than in LotR Knockoff #47, but it's still a step down from what came before. Tatooine was probably the most boring-looking planet before that, in terms of environment, but the sci-fi civilization built on the desert made it interesting. Endor's moon is just a forest and the Ewok treehouses. There's no wow-factor, especially after ESB upped the game from the first movie.

Overall, though, I think the main problem with RotJ is one that isn't really visible on the screen. It's the primary culprit behind the lack of enthusiasm people feel for the movie, IMO.

I'm talking, of course, about the pacing.

The first part of the movie, the rescue of Han from Jabba, feels like a stand-alone adventure more appropriate to an episode of a TV series. It has nothing to do with the conflict with the Empire, and has this slow rollout of the cast that definitely feels like it's reintroducing the audience to them, an odd choice for the last movie in a trilogy. Nothing is accomplished by it except reestablishing the status quo, getting the whole cast ready to return to the real story. It's the most visually impressive location in the movie, with the rancor and all the alien costumes, but in the end Luke just fights his way through it. Throwing Luke and company into something a bit more involved, like if Jabba was meeting with another crime lord and Luke played them off against each other or something, would be a bit more engaging. But that would still leave this section of the movie feeling separate from everything else. I'm not sure how to solve that, as it is a bit of business leftover from ESB that has to be tided up in some way, and it's a good example of why playing things by ear can be really hard even for people who are good at it.

The next major problem with the pacing comes on Endor's moon, when Luke and company spend so much time meeting the Ewoks. I don't think it's a long time in actual count of minutes, but it's a slow bit that's probably more drawn out than it needs to be. The original Star Wars was a location-hopping adventure with wonderfully-paced forward momentum buoyed by some fun moments of natural downtime. ESB was a chase sequence spiced up with the ramping romance between Han and Leia, with Luke's powering up and exploration of the Force inter-spaced, culminating in the heroes suffering major dramatic defeats. But RotJ starts with a side-quest, then Luke gets the truth about Vader in a good scene that's still just people sitting around and talking, and after a speeder bike chase (that again is probably too long) the heroes take their time becoming friends with Ewoks in a forest. Star Wars was exhilarating before this, and now it's laboring to the finish line while dithering to clean up its own subplots.

(Note: I do NOT advocate avoiding the due diligence of cleaning up subplots in order to try to maintain a propulsive plot, and the final movie certainly isn't the place to be throwing new subplots in. That's how you get Rise Of Skywalker, and no one wants that.)

When the big finale starts, with Luke confronting Vader and then the Battle of Endor kicking off, the pacing finally gets back on track, IMO. George Lucas knows how to edit together an action sequence, if nothing else, and knows when to cut back to the slower but more emotionally meaty Luke-stuff with the Emperor.

However, I do think the parts with Han and Leia can come across as a little rote, since their action isn't really tied to any story or character arc for them. It's functional enough with them both leading the rebellion, but there's nothing particularly dramatic about it for them, and they're just busting one small bunker, compared to Lando taking on the big examples of Imperial might, the Death Star and the Executor Super Star Destroyer. Han and Leia don't even get to fight one of the big walkers, they just fight the smaller chicken-walkers! And I think Lando's role does feel more like part of his character arc, with him being a respectable leader for the good guys in a nice uniform, and using his cleverness to keep the fleet alive long enough to assault the Death Star.

But, strangely, the moment in the whole Endor battle that feels the most like a culmination is when the Executor Super Star Destroyer is destroyed, and none of the main characters are even involved in that! Sure, blowing up another Death Star is fine, but we've already done it. No one has blown up a Super Star Destroyer before, and that got built up through the whole previous movie.

Fortunately, everything about Luke's big climax with Vader and the Emperor is functionally perfect, and that's the part that people were most interested in, so I don't think that RotJ really stumbles at the end. It succeeds and does deliver a lot of what people had come to like about Star Wars. It just doesn't do it as intensely or smoothly as the previous efforts, so it feels weaker.

So if I were to try to create a 'stronger' RotJ, I'd probably shave the Han Rescue down to a quick action-packed prologue, do the Vader=Father explanation for Luke as a mix of Obi-Wan's explanation with a trippy Force Vision Quest with some interesting visuals, then have the Rebellion assault the Imperial capital in a mix of space and ground battle. I'd get rid of the whole concept of the forest setting and the spear-wielding primitives, since that's the same metaphor as the Empire and Rebellion, anyway. I'd also make the Rebellion fleet smaller and more desperate, connecting it clearly to the losses from the previous movie, and the attack on the capital is some kind of desperate last ploy, motivated by some kind of time limit. Luke still confronts Vader and the Emperor alone. For Han and Leia, I wonder if -- instead of simply having them fight -- they could maybe rally some downtrodden local citizenry to help take down or turn off some big Imperial Plot Thingy, giving them a chance to show leadership and unite the Rebellion with the people it's been fighting for, or something like that. Han could even tell the locals about the Force, something they've never heard of, living on the capital. And Leia gives them the chance at freedom.

Hm, perhaps the first assault against the Imperial Palace fails at first, with a bunch of Rebels dying but Leia and Han escaping, leaving Lando and company stranded in space with the baddies? Then Leia and Han need to find an alternate way to accomplish the goal, giving the 'meet the locals' sequence a bit more intensity and a time limit, but still serving as a bit of downtime between actiony bits. Or the final half of the movie could be all action, with the relative downtime being Luke's part with the Emperor and Vader in the palace. (This is the kind of thing decided in the editing room.) Then the Rebel assault can be continuous, and about to lose when Han and Leia show up with reinforcements. Movie audiences love that. They turn off the Imperial Plot Thingy. Then Lando lands the decisive blow on the Executor, which crashes into the Imperial Palace just after Luke escapes in the wake of Vader's death.

Anyway, that's all off the top of my head. But you see where I'm going with this. Keep it moving, keep it intense, keep it new and interesting, don't get too hung up on the Vietnam War metaphor that inspired certain themes, and try to put more characters arcs into things so that Harrison Ford doesn't spend the next 30 years talking about how much he wanted his character to die.

Maybe we can have a village of Ewoks living in the capital sewers, along with other Downtroddens. There's no reason not to have any teddy bears.

Star Wars is supposed to be fun, too. And a little silly.

[atamascolily]

Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker,” part three

I end as I began: hopelessly confused about what the point of all this was. (Except for money. I got that part loud and clear.)

Rey just leaves Finn behind, because... friendship, right? Jannah does not have a good opinion of Rey right now, and tbh, I can't blame her. I realize Rey is under a lot of stress, but... her behavior since arriving on this "moon of Endor" has been wayyyy out of line.

Also, Poe pulls up with the Falcon right then, so I guess they got it repaired in record time, lol. Convenient.

Meanwhile, at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone is sad because Leia is dead. I wonder who's in charge now???

"Goodbye, dear princess." Oh, so she's a General right up until she dies, and then it's back to princess again? I wish the ST would make up its mind about her title.

Oh, I guess Poe is, since he showed up and actually has a rank??

Chewie LOSES IT at the news Leia is dead--I feel you, bud. I feel you so hard.

Kylo tries to look dignified as he broods on the wreckage, but he looks awful. Like a drowned rat, with a convenient lightsaber-shaped hole in his tunic where Rey stabbed him. (She didn't even take the saber with her or drop it into the sea or anything! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY - gimme a reason, any reason, even a stupid one.)

And then Han shows up. Is he a ghost? Is this a memory? Is Kylo hallucinating? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING??? (This would have so much more resonance if we had SEEN how Han's death impacted Kylo earlier on instead of that one confused flashback at the beginning of the film....)

grizzled Harrison Ford looks great, why the hell did they kill him off in the first movie whyyyyyy

Okay, so they answer the question and this is a memory, which is fine, I usually love this trope, BUT it would be hella more effective if we'd seen Kylo arguing/interacting with memories of Han earlier instead of this happening for the first time NOW...

"Come home." Uhhhhhh, I honestly don't know what exactly Leia did, but she certainly kinda abetted killing him. What home does Kylo have now, anyway??

So Han says that what Leia fought for is still around, which is true, but Kylo is ostensibly the supreme leader here, so he doesn't just have to go AWOL, he can drag the FO leadership with him, and what passes for their government, he could SURRENDER and end the war right now. Does he? Of course not. He fucks off all by his lonesome after Rey and Palpatine because... that's all he knows how to do, apparently.

There's a callback that is supposed to resonate but doesn't work for me, because I just can't make myself feel for Kylo at all. Yes, redemption is hard. Yes, you have to work for it. Stop whining and just do it!!

We're supposed to think that Kylo will stab Han again (I guess?) but he turns and throws his saber into the sea. So that's why Rey didn't take it - so he could make a dramatic fucking gesture with it.

Palps is upset that Leia messed up his plans, but whatever. He orders Pryde, who apparently is now in charge of the FO in Kylo's absence, to come to Exegol. Apparently Pryde is a diehard Imperial (and possibly Sith cultist/Palpatine's secret puppet/agent??) I guess. It's never explained, he's just bad. And his name isn't subtle, either.

Palps just wants to burn everything to the ground for... evulz, I guess? I got nothing.

Pryde's star destroyer pops out a giant gun and blows up a planet.... apparently, Kijimi. Why, I don't know. Because they were just there?? Anyway, BOOM. Kijimi literally explodes.

What the actual fuck. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE?? What was the point of building two Death Stars if a Star Destroyer can do that????

Oh, apparently, that was the new model from the "Sith fleet" with a better upgrade. sounds fake, but okay. Poe is not thrilled by this news. The same Resistance member brings him the bad news, so I guess that's her official job??

Poe is genre-savvy enough to know that every ship in the Sith fleet has planet destroying weapons and they're doomed unless they stop the Final Order... which isn't new? I thought there was a countdown to an attack in 16 hours or something. What did they think they were attacking with? I don't even know, this movie is that incoherent.

Rose pops in with a message broadcasting on every channel about the "Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die"... but given that it's in a language that isn't Basic, there's this one random dude with a beard who translates for the audience... and even though I assume it's meant to be some more commonly spoken language, given that the Sith have their own language in this movie, It makes it seem like this Random Resistance dude understands Sith and... I have questions.

Poe goes to sit by Leia's shrouded corpse because apparently they haven't buried her yet??? I wish Poe and Leia's relationship was more prominent in the movies, because I love the dynamic they're supposed to have, but never actually manifests in any of these movies.

Lando shows up to console him!

"How did you defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" "We had each other."

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID AND THE NEW GENERATION COULD TOO, IF THE WRITERS WEREN'T INTENT ON SEPARATING THEM CONSTANTLY AND MAKING EVERYBODY SUFFER....

Poe decides to make Finn his co-general. I have a lot of feels about this.

Turns out D-O knows all about Exegol because he used to belong to Ochi... that's actually earned, I'll allow it. Hilarious Rey never asked the droid about it  (or any other details of his past, given that she was pretty sure Ochi killed her parents).

Ahch-To! Rey is wearing her hood and I don't know why. She's throwing driftwood into the flaming wreckage of Kylo's TIE and sobbing and... I don't know what's going on here. There are SO MANY REASONS she could be crying, I don't even know.

And she tosses her lightsaber into the sea... just like Kylo did. Parallels. I get it. And just like Luke did to her... She's giving it up because she doesn't feel worthy of being a Jedi because of her heritage, I guess?? (I'm guessing because this movie doesn't explain shit.)

Speaking of which, there's Luke's ghost, right on schedule! I love his snark but it's SO OUT OF LINE given his behavior in the last movie... and the fact that Yoda told him he had to let go of the past and let the books burn. I mean... the fuck???

Rey has this dark throne vision that's driving her, but ironically that's the one vision we don't see in this whole mess.. we have all these OTHER visions instead, I can' teven keep them all straight.

Oh, she's decided to model Luke and fuck off to Ahch-To forever because she feels she made a mistake. that's absolutely the WRONG LESSON from Luke's life, Rey!!

(also, what happened to saving the world? The sith wayfinder? She just conveniently forgot Palpatine was gonna slaughter everybody because she's having heritage angst?????)

Leia not telling Rey about Rey's heritage makes perfect sense when you realize just how much Leia's life was fucked over by the knowledge that Darth Vader was her father--once in ROTJ and again when she got kicked out of the Senate and ostracized in Bloodline.

Luke has Leia's lightsaber conveniently hidden in his hut... so now Kylo/Ben can have a weapon of his own in the upcoming fight, gag. (Really, Rey should use it to make a double-bladed saber, but she won't, sigh.)

The flashback looks like a video game to me. The CGI is not terrible, but doesn't look nearly as real as the rest of the film to me.

Also, I'm forever mad that Leia gave up her saber thinking it would save her son, that is SO AWFUL, especially since IT DIDN'T WORK, HE STILL TURNED OUT EVIL ANYWAY AND RUINED YOUR LIFE.

"A thousand generations live in you now" would have so much more resonance if Rey was an avatar of the Force or a reincarnation of Anakin instead of the metaphorical. (Yes, I know it will be realized literally later on.)

[Just realized that Kylo's obsession with Rey would make TOTAL SENSE if she were an reincarnation of Anakin given how much he idolizes his grandfather!!!]

Whyyyyy doesn't Luke talk here about the revelation that Palpatine is alive? That he and his father failed to kill the Emperor? That Rey has to finish LUKE'S journey, too??? But no, it's all about Leia here.

Rey somehow didn't notice the wayfinder in Kylo's TIE until Luke says "you have everything you need"... I guess? I don't know how she missed it before!!!

And the X-wing rises out of the water like the deus ex machina that it is... somehow still spaceworthy after six years in the ocean. Okay, then.

Apparently, Force ghost Luke can still manipulate physical objects through the Force??? Okay, I can kinda buy that, but... still....

I love how Artoo doesn't even wait for Threepio to get started with the bullshit, he just imports the uploaded memories right away without asking. Normally, I'd be mad about consent, but a) they're married, and b) he's restoring Threepio's personality, so I'm okay with it.

I love how warped and creepy the space is around Exegol.

Also, D-O looks just like a desk lamp.

Oh, so the Resistance follows Rey through Luke's X-wing computer via Artoo. Convoluted, but it works, I guess.

Okay, so time for some technobabble, but there's a navigation tower (the new shield generator) they have to hit for REASONS with a "ground team" (aka strike team). Sigh.

Love the dismissal of the "Holdo maneuver"--which is essentially kamikaze-style suicide. Not a great battle strategy if you want to survive the fight.

Wait, wasn't Poe angsting earlier about how nobody answered their call from Crait back in the last movie? What makes him think this is going to be any different?????

Okay, so all the FO folks on are on Exegol now?? Who is piloting and crewing those Star Destroyers?? Are they First Order or Final Order people? What happened to the First Order? What is the relationship between the First Order and the Final Order? Are they the same thing with two different names?? (But no, there are two fleets, the Sith destroyers are different.) What happened to the First Order then? Does anyone notice and/or care the alleged "Supreme Leader" of the First Order is missing in action??? I'M SO CONFUSED.

Okay, it makes sense that Poe is in an X-wing given he's a hotshot pilot, but he's also a general, and... I'm so confused about the tactical aspect of that, but fine, whatever. Also, Artoo is in the X-wing with him instead of BB-8, who I thought was Poe's droid (to the point of reaming Rey over injuring him earlier in the film!!!) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???

we're baaaaacck in the creepy sith ruins just like the beginning of the film, but so much has happened that my brain has fried and so the parallels are not as compelling as they could be.

WHEN DID THEY PICK UP JANNAH?? Has she been there the entire time and we just didn't see her until now, or did they stop back at Endor's moon along the way??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Finn has " a feeling" where the ship is... it's the Force, why are you teasing us like that. LET HIM BE A JEDI.

Okay, I actually really like the fact that all the FO deserter stormtroopers from Endor are using their mounts so their enemies can use the tech against them. That's poetic justice right there. And also, epic cool. Good thing all the ships are still in the atmosphere... (nobody's wearing masks like Finn did for the Kijimi pickup)

I don't know how there is lightning in a fucking underground pyramid, but 10/10 for aesthetic, I love it.

"Grandma, it's me, Anastasia"--oh, wait, never mind.

The reveal that Rey is in a giant arena is hella creepy, even though it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Where do all these people come from? What do they do? Where do they live? What do they EAT?? Are they born Sith? Brainwashed Sith?? Cultists? Clones??? I NEED ANSWERS HERE.

Palpatine dangling in his creepy metal arm-thing is a lot like GLADoS from Portal.

So... Palpatine can possess the person who kills him in anger??? Explains a LOT about how he treated Luke, actually. And why it was so important that Anakin finish him - one, because Anakin's body was failing, and two, because he did it for love.

Love the aesthetic of the flickering lights for added creepiness and nothing is quite real. Even if it makes no sense. My id knows what it wants, okay??

Jannah and Finn teaming up for the battle is great, BB-8 actually gets to do something for once, and I love Jannah's crossbow.

Oh, now Palps is going to monologue about Rey's parents, while telling us no interesting details whatsoever. Sigh.

HOW THE FUCK DID KYLO GET TO EXEGOL AGAIN????????????????? she left him stranded in the middle of a frikkin' OCEAN... and he just knows how to get back to Exegol without the macguffin,.... how....?

(yes, I know he's supposed to be "Ben Solo" again, but so far there has been zero explanation in the film itself, so I'm just gonna keep calling him Kylo.)

Okay, there's a TIE fighter next to the X-wing, but... where did he GET IT?????????

That "ow" is priceless. I watched that sequence twice.

(clearly Kylo has not been exploring ruins much recently.)

Finn explaining to Rose that he's going to sacrifice himself for the cause, exactly like she wouldn't let him do in the last film... and Rose goes with it. Okay, then.

Now Kylo has to fight his own boy band... who were secretly following the Emperor's orders the entire time (?) THE ENTIRE FIRST ORDER WAS LITERALLY A FRONT TO KEEP KYLO REN DISTRACTED AND KYLO TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. I... have questions, but I actually admire the sheer audacity of this.

Kylo fighting said knights would be way more emotionally engaging if we a) knew anything about them, b) had seen any interactions between Kylo and the knights earlier, and c) gave a shit, but none of those happened, so we don't.

Kylo and Rey have some sort of Force bond communication thing that is super vaguely filmed so it's hard to understand wtf is actually happening. Rey tosss her saber back and... Ben pulls it out behind his back.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

I won't say that wasn't forshadowed, because it kinda-sorta was. I will just say that this movie has NEVER EXPLAINED HOW THEY CAN DO THAT or talked about it at ALL, just treats it like a fact, and I... have questions about how reality can be bent that way even if you are a Force dyad or whatnot.

So Kylo's fight with the knights parallels Rey's fight with a bunch of Imperial guards and it's so hard to care. Th timer says there's still a half an hour left, how is that possible???

So... it's okay to stab people as long as you do it with the properly colored lightsaber, I guess???

Kylo shows up, he and Rey exchange Meangingful Looks, they raise their sabers, Palps zaps them and slurps up "the lifeforce of your bond" and uses it to grow younger, whatever the hell that means ughhhhhhhh please let this be over soon.

Did he know they were a dyad before? Is THIS his real plan? I'm so confused and I have no idea wtf is going on.

RIP Snap. I guess I should care more about you, but I don't think you're mentioned in any of the other movies, so... *shrugs*

Poe has a meltdown but.... Lando shows up AGAIN to give him a pep talk, and also a fleet. Like seriously, Lando gets results, if he'd been running the Resistance, the war would be OVER by now.

Is the "Nice flying, Lando!" Older!Wedge?? I think so. I hope so, anyway.

Zorii shows up too, to fight and also insult Poe over the comm... I guess she's upset about Kijimi being destroyed? (Or maybe not given how she was so eager to get off it???)

Palps tosses Kylo into a pit, which... given that Palps survived, maybe not the best plan if you wanted to actually kill him.

Then he shoots force lightning through the hole in the arena into the sky and... zaps all the new fighters.

Well.

Okay then.

Rey wakes up and... reaches out to the spirits of past Jedi for help. (Apparently, Palpatine doesn't care about her killing him now, because he's young and healthy again, so it's okay to kill her? I guess he can always try again with another grandkid, lol.)

Also, it's funny how Rey is a Palpatine and blood is sooooo important and scary and destiny until someone's trying to diss her and then she's just "a scavenger girl". And by funny, I mean terrible. Sigh.

"I am all the Sith." I don't think the Sith, by the nature of their existence, can embody their predecessors the way that the Jedi can. I mean, to be a Sith is to be alone, and there is that whole Rule of Two business if that's still canon now. I mean, unless the Sith literally eat their masters and thus become them? But it seems a little late for THAT detail.  

But it's okay because Rey's embodying all the Jedi this time (and has TWO sabers, lol) and she turns Palpatine's Force lightning back on himself and he turns into a crisp. You'd think the Sith Lords would have worked out a defense against that, since that's how Mace Windu scarred him in the first place, but okay then.

The entire arena crumbles. All the faceless cultists are crushed by falling rock. Pryde goeth before the fall. Lando rescues Finn and Jannah before Poe can. All the star destroyers are stranded because the command ship is gone and start blowing up.

Anyway, Rey collapses in the ruins. Finn senses her fall. but Kylo climbs out of the pit and cradles her in his arms. (ewww ewww ewwwwwww NOOOOOOO) and cradles her to his chest [gross gross grossssssss she's dead and can't consent and I can't decide if that makes it grosser or not, she's never let him do this while she was ALIVE fuckkkkkk]. He finally lets go and then places his hand on her stomach, and ughhhhhh I have so many issues with this I don't care if he's reformed, he's been stalking for three films, this is NOT OKAY and does the Force healing trick, and...

literally he could have just put a hand on her forehead or shoulder, which I would still hate, but would be less creepy than this.

Rey wakes up, puts her hands on his, sits up, startled and... doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch, and smiles. "Ben."

and she kisses him. I knew this was coming. I still hate it.

he smiles, falls over, and dies. Like, literally, it's like Rey's kiss murdered him. I'm a terrible person, I know, but I really can't mourn him.

Kylo's body vanishes (Leia's stayed intact, damn it!) proving I guess that he was good after all?? I thought only special people learned the vanishing trick??? Leia's body vanishes right at the same time, and... I don't get it, I really don't.

Maz apparently skipped the final battle to watch over Leia's corpse and I.... definitely don't get it.

was Leia possessing her son this whole time? What. Just. Happened??????

Rey flies away in Luke's X-wing under her own power, and... "Red Five is in the air again," says Finn. People are rising up all over the galaxy, though against what, I'm not clear, and the skies are suddenly clear, implying that the Emperor was warping the weather with his darkness.

We see Star Destroyers blowing up behind Cloud City and on the FOREST moon of Endor with the Ewoks and I just... never knew they were there??? Were they connected to the rest of the Fleet somehow (like the Katana fleet in Legends??) Where did this come from?? Wicket and his son are clearly satisfied, though why they think anything's going to change is beyond me. And was the First Order oppressing them? Why didn't we see any of their fleet when our protagonists were IN THAT SYSTEM AND SO WAS THE OSTENSIBLE SUPREME LEADER???

Another Star Destroyer crashes on Jakku, so literally NOTHING HAS CHANGED THERE, LOL.

Back at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone cries and hugs, Poe and Zorii have a moment that goes nowhere, Poe's arm is somehow in a sling (???) There's a very brief lesbian kiss, but it gets even less screen time than Rose Tico, so again, don't think that counts as representation, but nice try.

Maz gives Chewie Han's medal from Yavin and... where the hell did she get it??? Leia's corpse??? Creepy!!

Jannah comes up to Lando and asks him where he's from, and when Lando asks the same question, she say she doesn't know. "Let's find out." Wow, that's way more interesting than most of this movie!

Rey hugs Finn and Poe and I... just... it's the tearful hug of "wow, we've all been through a lot of trauma since we last saw each other and also I was a jerk and threw you across the sea with the Force to get you out of my way and I abandoned you without saying goodbye to isolate myself on an island in the middle of nowhere until my ghost mentor reminded me I could save the day".

ButWeDon'tHavetimetounpackThatNow.jpg

Rey takes the Falcon to the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine with BB-8. No one is in sight. This is an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, not a shrine to the Legend of Luke Skywalker. Rey slides down the sides on a piece of metal and into the courtyard. She wraps up Luke and Leia's sabers and... we cut to her back up on the ridge near the droid garage, using the Force to bury them in the sand.

Then she pulls out her own saber and it's yellow-bladed and looks like a double quarterstaff (although I only saw the top blade ignite). What she should have had this entire movie.

There's a random woman with an eopie there, who... came over to investigate? there is literally NO ONE ELSE FOR MILES. HOW????

The woman asks who she is, and we have callbacks to that earlier conversation on Pasaana. Rey hesitates, sees Luke and Leia's ghost on the horizon, smiling their approval and says "Rey Skywalker". The movie ends with her standing  watching the double sunset... alone except for BB-8.

Wow, she's literally come full circle from being alone in the desert with a droid to being alone in a different desert with the same droid. What the fuck.

Cue triumphant music and credits.

Oh, and I just realized we never found out what was so important for Finn to tell Rey about... so that went nowhere. I assume it's "he can use the Force" but apparently that wasn't important enough to ACTUALLY INCLUDE, sigh.

Did Rey fuck off to Tatooine to be a hermit? Is she going back to her friends? Is she going to train the next generation of Jedi? How will she keep the cycle from repeating? Is it broken? Is Palpatine really dead this time??? How does she feel about Kylo/Ben?? Is HIS ghost still around stalking her, too? Why did she take the Falcon? Doesn't it belong to Chewie now? Why didn't the rest of the gang come with her???? I'm so confused.

This was even worse than I had anticipated, and I came into this with super-low expectations. This wasn’t bad in a “bad B-movie kind of way,” this was bad in the “nothing makes sense, it’s all jumbled blur, I am numb and cannot begin to care” kind of spectacle.  I cannot imagine watching this in a theater. No wonder the critics savaged this. 

[neoduskcomics]

Ranking All 10 Star Wars Movies

The final installment in the Skywalker Saga (as it is now retroactively being christened) is upon us, and so I’ve decided to do a bit of a retrospective on all the films leading us here.

The purpose of this personal ranking is not to put down any particular films or to invalidate anyone else’s opinions. In fact, I will be focusing largely on what I like about each movie, rather than what I think was wrong with it. I’ll still touch on criticisms of each film, but know that even if I don’t think they’re all objectively amazing films, I still like every single one of them, and have watched each one numerous times.

The fandom, as it always has been, is so weighed down with hatred and lashing out and segregation, that it overshadows the unabashed joy and love that many still hold for that galaxy far, far away. And so, I’d like to put that anger away for a second, and just talk about why each of these movies holds a special place in the Star Wars saga.

10. The Phantom Menace

Chronologically the first film in the series, and also the first on this list. I saw this movie when I was pretty little, and I have to say, it’s the first Star Wars film I ever saw that I actually enjoyed. When I was a kid, I never cared for the original trilogy. Those movies bored and, to be honest, kind of frightened me. But Phantom Menace was replete with colorful visuals, whacky humor and loads of CGI action. That appealed to me quite a lot.

Yes, in retrospect, the plot is contrived, the characters are incredibly bland and pacing is all over the place, but it was my gateway drug into the magic that the rest of the franchise had to offer. And I’m gonna say it -- Jar Jar Binks was probably half the reason the movie kept my attention for as long as it did. All the other characters were so stuffy and stoic, and all they talked about was an overly complicated plot of political intrigue; Jar Jar added some much needed humor and levity for my childhood self to stay interested. It’s heavily flawed for sure, but I can’t rag on this movie too much when I have it to thank for the love that I have for the series now. Besides, Darth Maul kicks ass, right?

9. Attack of the Clones

Is it controversial to rank this above The Phantom Menace? My reasoning is twofold: 1) The movie has an actual emotional throughline to follow, that of Anakin being frustrated with his feelings of fear, resentment and love; and 2) There’s a lot more action. The Phantom Menace was my first step into the shallow side of the Star Wars pool, but this movie is what got me to dive in headfirst.

Is the dialogue embarrassingly terrible? Yes. Is it 75% CGI fluff? Yes. And as a kid, I ate all that stuff up. Plus, honestly, the movie’s not all bad. People started liking Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan with this movie, as the charming, dry-humored, slightly exasperated mentor. We got a load of lightsaber fights, and chases through cityscapes and asteroid fields. There was a ton to think was cool about this movie. Sure, it’s still messy and awkward, and it’s loaded to the brim with outbursts of teenage angst, but this is the film that really got me to think lightsabers, starships and bounty hunters were just the most awesome things ever. You can bet I had a few specific items on my Christmas list that year.

8. Solo

I saw Solo a second time this year, and on a re-watch, I actually enjoyed it quite a lot more. It’s fun and frantically paced, there’s loads of Star Wars fanservice, and the lead actor actually does a pretty good impersonation of a young Han Solo. The supporting cast is pretty likable, too, and the dialogue is always snappy. The action sequences were exciting, and while the movie does go out of its way to try to answer every single question about Han-related trivia, I still think it’s fun to see how things unfolded.

Sure, the movie is pretty hollow when it comes to its themes. Han doesn’t get a very solid character arc in the movie, and we definitely don’t see a very cohesive transformation from relatively altruistic kid to completely self-centered nerf-herder -- and that’s a real shame. But honestly, as a Star Wars side story and blockbuster action film, I think it’s a pretty solid couple hours of entertainment. If you shrugged this movie off when it came out or weren’t impressed and haven’t seen it since, I say maybe give it another chance. You might still not like it, which is totally fair, but maybe tempered expectations and a slightly more lenient attitude will allow you to enjoy it a bit more this time around.

7. Rogue One

Now, as much as I enjoyed Solo as a relatively shallow but fun Star Wars action movie, it is not my favorite Star Wars movie of that brand. That honor goes solely to Rogue One. This movie is pure Star Wars fan service. You got X-wings, TIE fighters, stormtroopers, AT-STs, AT-ATs, star destroyers, new ships and infantry armor, and let’s not forget Darth Vader. That scene with him at the end of the film is one of my all-time favorite scenes in any Star Wars movie. I got chills watching that sequence. It was everything I’d ever wanted from a Darth Vader cameo.

Now, Rogue One might be almost nothing but action and fanservice -- most of the main cast of characters is not terribly interesting or memorable -- but that’s okay. This is a lot of people’s new favorite Star Wars movie, and I don’t think it’s hard to see why. It’s basically everything fans loved most about the prequels -- the spectacle, the new worlds, the new weapons, the new soldiers, while still trying to keep true to the spirit of the franchise, and making nods to its roots. The characters can be bland, and some of the fights drag on a bit, but it’s still a thrilling ride. Also, K-2SO is probably the funniest character in any Star Wars film.

6. The Last Jedi

This movie has some of the greatest, most powerful moments in the entire franchise. Rey’s relationship with Kylo Ren and their confrontations with Luke were an incredible emotional foundation to the story. Many of the visuals were dazzling, and not all but many of the jokes landed pretty well. Luke was provided with a realistic and interesting character arc that gave room for actual growth and depth and struggle -- not simply making him another wise old Jedi Master with a padawan who turned to the dark.

This movie took a lot of risks, and not all of them panned out for sure. I disagree with a lot of the narrative choices in this film, especially when it comes to how Kylo Ren and Rey’s relationship ends up by the end of the movie, and what they did with Poe and Finn. However, I cannot understate how great I think other elements of the story were. This is the movie that made me actually start to feel like Rey was a more fleshed-out character, and it made Kylo Ren my new favorite character in the sequel trilogy (also I really like the fight with the praetorian guards, which I guess is a controversial opinion?). While the movie is deeply flawed, it also has a lot in it that is deeply good, and that is definitely worth something.

5. Return of the Jedi

It was very close for me between this movie and The Last Jedi, but I settled on placing episode 6 higher because, to me, it just presents a more elegant narrative with a more cathartic resolution. Return of the Jedi gives us a strong and satisfying conclusion to Luke’s story, and is probably full of more heart and love than any other installment in the series, showcasing bonds between Han and Leia, Leia and Luke, and a reforged bond between Luke and his father. The team is reunited, and it feels so good.

That being said, the movie does have its share of flaws, many of which are in common with The Last Jedi. A lot of the movie feels like needless padding and sort of wasted screentime for the main characters, aside from Luke, who didn’t get much of a meaningful role in the story. However, I feel that it’s counterbalanced by the fact that this film also has some of the most powerful drama in the series. Luke’s confrontation of Vader and the Emperor is wonderfully tense and exciting, and it comes to a stirring conclusion. Plus, Han, Leia, Chewie, C-3PO and R2-D2 are all still their lovable selves, bantering away and getting in way over their heads. It’s kind of hard to not find the film charming. All in all, a great way to wrap up an iconic trilogy.

4. Revenge of the Sith

I remember when this film came out, some critics even went so far as to say it was “better than the original trilogy.” While that’s certainly up for the fans to debate, I do think this movie demonstrated a sense of clarity that was lacking in either of the other prequels. It’s a story all about one thing -- Anakin wants to stop his wife from dying a certain death, and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. The resulting story is filled with incredibly potent pain, fear, anxiety, suffering and darkness, as Anakin fights and eventually gives into temptation.

Okay, yeah, the dialogue is still mostly terrible, and the acting can still feel forced and awkward, but I think if you’re able to look past that, you’ll see what it easily the strongest narrative in the prequel trilogy. It also has a lot of things that the other two prequels were missing: humor (the entire beginning sequence is a fun and largely comical ride not found in the other prequels), memorably dramatic scenes (“Did you ever hear of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?”) and the wickedly over-the-top Emperor finally taking the spotlight with his cackling and pontificating. It may not be the most gracefully crafted movie in the series, but it does have one of the most powerful stories to tell, and I think that’s what ultimately shines through.

3. The Force Awakens

I love this movie. The action, the effects, the characters, the humor -- it is a cavalcade of blockbuster science-fantasy wonder. Abrams did an outstanding job retooling the original trilogy to suit a modern audience, with new, creative takes on the faceless, nameless stormtrooper, a Darth Vader stand-in who knows he’s a stand-in and hates it, and a burgeoning hero doesn’t run toward adventure but away from it. There is an energy, a sort of vitality, to this film that I don’t think you can find in any other installment in the series. It’s dazzling, powerful and full of spirit.

And yes, it has its own fair share of flaws. The political situation is weirdly under-explained, the movie heavily relies on the original films as a template for the plot’s structure, and Rey could’ve used more coherent development as the protagonist of the film. However, I wholly and heartily believe that the movie more than makes up for all of that with its unique and charming cast of original characters. I loved Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren, Finn, and the returning Han and Chewie in this story. They all did wonderful performances with snappy dialogue, great performances and thrilling fights. It would’ve been great if the studio had tried to stray from the norm more, sure, but The Force Awakens, in my eyes, is still an exhilarating, warm and entrancing entryway into the territory of a new era for the franchise.

2. A New Hope

This one was tough to place. If I’m being completely honest, I think I probably actually like The Force Awakens more as a film, but it just doesn’t sit right with me to not give priority to the original. And I think credit should be given where credit is due: this movie, for better or worse, revolutionized cinema. It’s the movie that started it all, defying all odds and expectations. It’s the ideal archetype of the hero’s journey; a boy from humble beginnings meets with an old mentor who shows him a much bigger, brighter, and scarier world that he must face for the good of the world he lives in. Along the way, we meet some of the most iconic and memorable characters in the history of film -- Han Solo, Princess Leia, C-3PO, R2-D2 and the ever-lovable Darth Vader.

Now, has this movie been overly mythologized? Yes. Has it in many respects aged poorly? Sure. It totally has. The dialogue can be goofy, the action can look hokey and the pacing can feel terribly slow. But a lot of people will throw statements around like “It’s only famous because it was the first” when looking at movies like the original Star Wars, or the characters contained within. But I think that line of reasoning is misguided. Cheesy sci-fi features, space operas, action movies, roguish characters, princesses and humble heroes were not invented by Star Wars or George Lucas, just as people with superhuman abilities were not pioneered by the creators of Superman. And yet, this movie stood out in all of moviemaking history, proving that it had accomplished what no film like it had before. It is not a beloved film simply because it was the first. It’s the first because it was beloved.

Honorable Mention: The Clone Wars

Not the movie, the series (because the movie was basically just the pilot to the series that honestly shouldn’t have been shown in theaters). It doesn’t technically qualify for this list, but I just have to mention it (honorably). This series took a look at the prequels, for all their flaws, and said “I can make people like this era of Star Wars.” And you know what? They succeeded. The versions of Obi-Wan, Anakin and the many clone troopers featured in this series are now often the versions people think of when remembering the Clone Wars era of the saga. It was a rollercoaster of a series, with surprisingly dark and dramatic stories, as well as shockingly good action and visuals.

Sure, there were a lot of subpar episodes, but those aren’t what people remember. People remember a version of Anakin that made him a likeable hero, a new Jedi padawan for the audience to identify with, new stories that deepened and expanded upon the lore of the universe, and some really cool warfare that honestly blows a lot of what we saw in the actual prequel films out of the water. If you haven’t seen it yet, get a free trial of Disney + and start binging.

1. The Empire Strikes Back

Okay, okay, yeah, we all saw this coming. Not exactly an original opinion, is it? Still, I can’t deny that I solidly believe The Empire Strikes Back to be the best-made Star Wars film. It may not have the razzle-dazzle of the prequels or the sequels, and it may not have the satisfactory finality of Revenge of the Sith or Return of the Jedi. But what this film does have is care. It’s a movie that feels like it was carefully crafted from top to bottom, with every scene, every narrative throughline, every theme and every line of dialogue.

This is where we got “Do, or do not. There is no try.” This is where we got “I am your father.” This is where we got “I love you/I know.” This is where Vader really cemented himself as the end-all-be-all big bad of the Star Wars galaxy. This is where Han and Leia became the cinematic couple of a lifetime. This is where we really learned about the Force, the Jedi and what sorts of trials Luke would have to face were he to take on that legacy. It’s a magical film, full of wonder, hope, darkness, tragedy and love.

I won’t say it’s a perfect Star Wars movie, because it’s not. No Star Wars movie is. But that’s the beauty of the franchise. Everyone values something different about Star Wars. Everyone has their own favorite movie or series or book or comic or even theme park ride. It’s a phenomenon that spans generations, each one looking back fondly on the era that came before. There were people who grew up on the original trilogy, and now we have people who grew up on the prequels. And in just a few short decades, we’ll have people who grew up with BB-8, Kylo Ren and Rey, and that, to me, is just fantastic.

I know many of you have already written off Star Wars, or at least the new movies, but I am both nervous and excited to see where this all goes in seven days. And I know that there are many of you out there still celebrating Star Wars, holding it dear to your hearts, and not forgetting the feeling it gave you whenever you first fell in love with the franchise. I hope that feeling stays with us, and that it cuts through all the hatred and shouting and derision.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to watch today’s episode of The Mandalorian.

[we-are-what-they-grow-beyond]

some seriously self indulgent TROS thoughts that no one asked for: spoilers ahead!

(i’m gonna try tag every spoiler tag I can think of just in case anyone out there does care, but tbh this is really just for me lol)

the following is going to be a very ‘off the cuff’ series of ramblings so I apologise if it’s all over the place 

Overall.. I think I liked it? I left the cinema feeling euphoric, which is honestly all I wanted from ix. While there were very few immediate things that I took offence to as I was watching it [unlike TLJ] I have a bad feeling that some doubts about certain scenes and character choices are gonna creep into my brain in the next few days. Like the longer I think about it, the worse it’s gonna get.

The beginning was a mess. I think every single person who has seen it can agree on that much. There was so much exposition and heavy handed course correction from TLJ that it felt laboured and disjointed. The pacing was at this crazy breakneck speed.. we must have visited at least six different planets in the first fifteen minutes. I think that Poe’s ‘hyperdrive jumping’ [?] sequence really set the tone for the first act - just a constant barrage of different locations and characters.

And I understand that they had to do this. The events of TLJ left them no choice, they needed to establish every main character’s position [both physically and mentally], portray the current state of the war as well as rebuild a believable rapport between our core trio all within the first fifteen minutes if they wanted to give the last act any chance of sticking the landing. And to some extent I think they achieved this. In all that running around on different planets, bickering amongst the trio and the funny asides from Threepio - it really felt like something straight out of the OT. For the first time since TFA I cared about these characters. 

However. In doing this, they continually broke the cardinal rule of screenwriting; show don’t tell. While watching the first act I felt weighed down with information, like every five seconds another character would pop in with a monologue that sent them on another wild goose chase in which they had to find another hundred things that I would inevitably struggle to remember. ‘So now they need to go here, to see where Luke went, because he wanted to find this guy, who has this object, that will bring them to this other place, so that they can see Palpatine?’ It was so heavily reliant on dialogue alone that it ultimately lead to this sense of utter messiness. 

Where the film thrived was in it’s action set pieces. I adored the way the force was portrayed in this film. The scene in the desert in which Ben [yes Ben, but more on that later] and Rey pulled that First Order Transport out of the sky sent shivers down my spine. We have never seen the force used like this before and the amount of power Rey held was absolutely staggering. I loved it.

The saber battle on top of the Death Star was a visual highlight. Even though I felt like I’d seen most of it in TV Spots the urgency never went away. The moodiness of the water and mist cut through by the blue and red light was beautiful. 

The one shot of Poe, Finn and Chewie running through the Destroyer hallway felt like an echo back to everything that lies at the heart and soul of this saga.

We’ve been begging for more space battles and boy did we get a good one. When Lando and Chewie sauntered in on the Falcon with their thousands of rebel support ships set to the theme I was sobbing. There were so many little references in that one shot, from Rebels to Resistance to even Wedge Antilles - My heart swelled. 

But where I really broke was on Ahch-To. One of my biggest gripes with TLJ was its treatment of Luke. Every time I watch it again that shot of his submerged X wing infuriates me beyond measure as Johnson never chose to do anything with it [despite there being an obvious answer]. We finally got that scene in this film, the scene I was so desperate for; a callback to perhaps my favourite moment in the whole skywalker saga entangled with an apology for TLJ’s treatment of our favourite jedi master. Set to Yoda’s Theme, I felt like for a split second like I was watching Empire, and that meant the world to me. Thank you J.J.

The characterisation is perhaps the most divisive part of the film for me. It took so many risks, it’s going to take quite some time for me to properly digest them all. 

I want to start with our beloved Leia. The CGI, although perhaps not quite as seamless as some reviewers are making it out to be, worked well enough. With the knowledge of Carrie’s passing, it’s easy to poke holes in the performance - I found the beginning of her screen time particularly jarring, with her mostly addressing Rey with one word answers. I knew that there was supposed to be an emotional weight to all her scenes, as there she was, our princess, somehow miraculously on our screens for one final time. But I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel as if she was truly there in body or soul, and the emotional power of her scenes suffered as a result. Maybe in time, as we forget about the circumstances under which this film had to be made, this obvious detachment might fade away. And I sincerely hope it does, because the backstory they gave her is what truly deserves to be remembered about Leia in this film. The flashback scene of her training with Luke was glorious, the cgi really worked well here, and for the first time we saw Leia as a fully fledged jedi. This is something I could never ever have even imagined and I’m so pleased they did it, it would have meant so much to me as a young girl. As for her death, I believe they did the best they could with it. She ultimately died saving her son, protecting both the light and her family - two themes that have been so central to this entire forty two year saga. I don’t think they could have done much more. 

I was shocked to see Harrison in this, surprised isn't even the right word. But this bewilderment that I felt thankfully didn’t overshadow his integral role in the so called ‘Bendemption’ arc, in fact I think it really tied the whole thing together nicely. I have hated the idea of Kylo’s possible redemption since the moment we found out his true heritage during TFA, I thought it was too simple, too obvious. But the way in which it was dealt with here was wonderful. It showed Kylo to be entirely complex and ambiguous, and at the end of it we saw Ben for what he was, a young and vulnerable young man who ultimately made some terrible choices, the conflict in him was brilliantly acted. It was ultimately his parents that pulled him back to the light, not just Rey, and that fact alone saved this story arc for me. 

[I refuse to talk about the kiss. I hated it. It didn’t need to happen.]

Rey is a difficult one. Was the Palpatine bloodline convenient? Yes. Terribly so. Did it make sense story wise? Only kind of. But, I think it drew a definitive line under the nine film conflict which was ultimately at its core just Skywalker vs Palpatine, so in that sense I’m happy it happened in the way it did. 

[Sheev on an aesthetic level looked dreadful I thought. Proper rubbery. And the logistics of how he survived/who all those chanting followers were/where he got all those Imperial star destroyers from is extremely questionable. I try not to dwell on it.]

My mixed feelings about Finn and Poe cannot be overstated. The film did a good job at giving them more to do, we really got to see John and Oscar bounce off each other and at the end of the day, that is my kryptonite. However, Finn had little to no character development throughout the whole trilogy. All he did was figure out that he didn’t want to be aligned with the First Order anymore, deciding he wanted to fight for what is right. But the thing is, we saw him make that decision about ten minutes into TFA. It didn’t need to be rehashed again and again in every film. We wanted more - we wanted him to be force sensitive, we wanted him to form meaningful connections with others. On some level they delivered on that, we saw a little force sensitivity, he got his own back with Hux, he found his tribe in Jannah and the other deserters.. but it felt like an afterthought. Nothing was ever dwelled upon- even his confession to Rey [whatever it was] was completely forgotten about in the end. Finn as a whole felt like an afterthought. 

[Don’t even get me started on Rose, Kelly deserved so much more. I was embarrassed by the amount of screen time she had.]

As for Poe.. Oscar did a brilliant job in this, he successfully harkened back to our favourite scoundrel Han Solo stereotype and I felt that gave the trio’s dynamic a clear anchor. His interactions with both Finn, Threepio and Chewie as he kept crashing the falcon really made me laugh, it was nice to have some actual humour littered throughout, unlike the goofy slapstick stuff in TLJ. But.. the Zorii love interest and backstory made zero sense canonically. Zero. Aside from the ‘can i kiss you’ stuff being extremely contrived, there is physically no actual way Poe could have ever been a spice runner on this new planet that I can’t remember the name of. He lived on Yavin his whole life until he came of age to join the New Republic Navy, and from there Leia recruited him into the Resistance. This much has been documented in countless books and comics. J.J really decided to throw that all away so that they could what.. get that universal key thing? Did they even use it? Was there any other point of Zorii’s character other than that key? Not really. Don’t try to tell me that Kes and Shara’s son ran away from home to become a criminal for no reason. Just don’t. [He was still wearing Shara’s ring throughout and they didn’t do anything with it.. I wonder will we get more of an answer to this in the novelisation?]

[While I’m on the subject of the comics and novels, the decision to kill off Snap was brave. I really loved him in the comics and I’m sad he’s now gone and Karé is now alone. Not that any of that was mentioned but-]

Lando was used just the correct amount. I’m happy he got the ‘I have a bad feeling about this’ line, and I think any more screen time and we could have seen some holes in Billy’s performance. [sorry Billy]

Chewie had some great moments in this surprisingly. He was essentially just an extra in TLJ so it was quite refreshing to have him be a key player again. [I had forgotten about the clips from the trailer that showed him aboard the Destroyer, so when he ‘died’ I really thought he was dead for a moment and I was so angry that that was how he went lol.] But his reaction to Leia’s death was so touching and although it was a tad fan-servicey, I loved the fact that he finally got the medal he missed out on in ANH. It made me chuckle.

The same can be said of Anthony Daniels as C3PO and all of the other droids. I felt as though they really clawed them back into the mix this time - Threepio’s worrisome queries were wonderfully nostalgic and not to mention hilarious, and D-0 was a great new addition. The droids always brought a levity to star wars, it was their job, and they did this to great effect in this film. There was some questionable switching around of R2 and BB8 which I didn’t appreciate - there is absolutely no way that BB8 wouldn’t be Poe’s astromech for the battle against the Final Order but I’m willing to let it slide.. [also why was he on Tatooine with Rey at the end?]

It really sounds like I had more problems with this film than highlights, and I promise that’s not the case. In the end, it made me feel happy, like I was watching something akin to the OT again, and yes some parts of it were clumsy, but the heart of it was there. It all really comes down to whether or not you believe a film must be ‘good’ in order to be.. good. With something as big and sentimental as star wars I think it’s a lot more complicated than that. Return of the Jedi was an utter mess- but yet we all still worship it and the characters it gave us. Why can’t the same thing be said for TROS? It was clunky, but it was surprising, and powerful and fun. It gave us the characters we loved and some interesting new ones, some top-tier lightsaber battles and a conclusive ending to the saga that has defined so many lives. At the end of the day I think that’s all it needed to be. 

[esonetwork]

Why Marvel and Netflix are telling some of the best superhero stories today

New Post has been published on https://esopodcast.com/why-marvel-and-netflix-are-telling-some-of-the-best-superhero-stories-today/

Why Marvel and Netflix are telling some of the best superhero stories today

There’s a scene in the middle of the new season of Marvel/Netflix’s “Luke Cage” where Mariah Dillard, the season’s main villain, displays a rare moment of extremely vulnerable honesty. Now, Mariah is a truly terrible person. The former politician has committed horrible crimes during her quest for power, and by the end of the season, I’m sure most viewers would agree that she deserves all the bad things coming to her.

And yet…in this one moment, where she reveals a painful emotional scar from her past, we do genuinely pity her. She remains a terrible person, but the tragedy she experienced is real and heartbreaking, and you can’t help but imagine the better person she could have become if she’d grown up in better circumstances.

Nuanced characters like Mariah Dillard is one of the key strengths shared by the Marvel/Netflix superhero shows (well, most of them, at least). I finished up the new season of “Luke Cage” this past weekend, and since then I’ve been thinking about all the Marvel/Netflix shows and how, overall, they’ve done a fantastic job adding to the Marvel universe we know and love. Some of the best superhero storytelling today is being done on the small screen, and Marvel/Netflix’s partnership is a true standout.

I remember starting the very first Marvel/Netflix show, “Daredevil,” back in 2015 and wondering how it would compare to the Marvel Cinematic Universe films. Sometimes it’s tough to capture that same epic, sweeping feel on a smaller screen with a smaller budget. Thankfully, the Marvel/Netflix shows don’t try to replicate what we’re seeing in the MCU. Instead, they use their smaller scale to their advantage. The whole world isn’t in peril; maybe it’s just one neighborhood in New York City. But through this more narrow focus, we have a chance to dive really deeply into a lineup of fascinating heroes AND villains.

Matt Murdock/Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Danny Rand/Iron Fist, and Frank Castle/Punisher are all completely different people. Some, like Matt and Luke, are able to claim the moral high ground as superheroes (at least at first), while others, like Punisher, tend more towards the antihero end of the spectrum. But each are fascinating in their own way, and the shows have their own unique tone and themes. Perhaps that’s why, at least to me, the Marvel/Netflix team-up series, “The Defenders,” didn’t work as well; it lost the unique flavor that made each of the individual shows stand out.

Now, some of these individual series are more compelling than others. I never finished “Iron Fist,” and I felt the back half of “Daredevil” season 2 suffered after the Punisher’s arc on that show wrapped up. I tried the first episode of “Jessica Jones” season 2, but it didn’t grab me like the first season did. Maybe I need to give it another shot.

Still, there’s some really excellent character development in these shows, and not just for the heroes. The villains are just as fascinating (and in some cases, even more fascinating!) than the heroes themselves.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has been criticized in the past for some of its more lackluster villains, who are more of an obstacle for the hero to overcome than a fully realized character. That’s why Wilson Fisk/Kingpin, the main villain in “Daredevil” season 1, felt like such a revelation. He was definitely a bad guy, and I wasn’t really sorry to see him go to prison. However, the show made him a compelling villain by giving him flashes of humanity, including a surprisingly tender and genuine relationship with his girlfriend, Vanessa. He was by no means a stereotypical “mustache-twirling” villain.

For the most part, all the Marvel/Netflix shows have followed that trend. By showing us the flaws in the heroes and the humanity in the villains, the shows become more real and thought-provoking. All the characters have hurts that haunt them.

Due to the shows’ format, they’re able to tell darker stories than the MCU is able to. I’m okay with that, really. I don’t necessarily want/need the MCU to be gritty; I like that they are family films that are accessible to a wide audience. But it’s nice to see some heavier superhero storytelling as well.

Although these shows work on a surface level as compelling action/dramas, there are some really relevant themes to chew on as well. When I first heard about “The Punisher” series, I was excited, because I loved Jon Bernthal’s performance as the character in “Daredevil” season 2. However, I was a little worried about how they would handle a character centered around guns and violence, especially with all the tragic real-life headlines we continue to see. Thankfully, they approached the subject with sensitivity and nuance. The show also touched on another important issue: what happens to veterans after they return from combat.

“Jessica Jones” addressed domestic violence and abuse, “Luke Cage” tackled racism, and so on. I hope that the fans who watch these shows are inspired to have real-life conversations about these issues. That, I think, is the real power of entertainment: to get us to look at the world through a different lens than our own. In our increasingly politically-charged world, I think pop culture has a real opportunity to break down barriers and tell stories that have the power to bring real-world change.

On a lighter note, the shows’ practical effects and well-choreographed fight scenes are also a nice change of pace from CGI-heavy blockbusters (even though if you know me, you know that I love big-budget special effects). 🙂 And the shows also use music really effectively to help tell the story, particularly “Luke Cage.”

If you haven’t tried any of these shows yet, I’d highly recommend them. I know some fans who’ve watched all of them, and others who have tried a couple and just stuck with their favorites. Although as previously mentioned, there have been a few bumps along the way, overall the Marvel/Netflix partnership has definitely been a winning one.

[crackinwise]

why Prequels disappointment =/= TLJ disappointment

Yes, i saw that twitter thread.

You guys now have millions of easy access videos and posts and memes highlighting the Prequel problems frame by frame. You all creamed yourselves waiting for Plinkett to dismantle them. You got to have Family Guy and Robot Chicken influence povs. You get to laugh at the “bad” cgi that was actually the best we had seen at the time. 

With the exception of Jar-Jar (that kids loved for a while), we became fond of every new character no matter how small, and that fondness only grew thanks to new books, comics, and shows. We drooled at the lightsaber battles that were SUPER fast and stylized (shout out to Nick Gillard for showing me my sexuality)! We were in awe of not just locations but whole worlds that were vast and plenty! Yes, yes, constant green screen environments and aliens got old after a while, but we could look past it. When the Phantom Menace was released in theaters, the world was hyped. Every age: HYPED. I saw it at least 9 times myself, and even my father who had seen the OT in theaters and was a lifelong fan LOVED it. Everyone agreed Attack of The Clones dropped in quality mostly because of the boring, awkward “romance”; then we got satisfyingly hyped again for Revenge of the Sith. (Okay, we snickered even then at certain parts but overall it was considered the best of the three.)

 I’ll give the post title’s reasons step by step.

1. The Prequels did not touch any of the characters we grew up loving or idolizing. The “worst” we got was cgi Yoda bouncing around like a pinball in a fight, the Jedi Order kinda being elitist pricks that separated families, child Boba which literally coulda been and done anything and his worshipers would’ve complained, and Vader coming back at the verrrrry end only for legendary James Earl Jones being paid to yell a “nooooOOOOOooooOOOOooo”. The movies focused on Anakin, not Vader. They focused on a young Obi-Wan, which brought excited fanboy Ewan Freaking “I Make Lightsaber Sounds With My Mouth While Filming” McGregor into the mainstream and that man is a gift in talent and body. Even when he’s dragging the weakest points of his Prequel experience he’s still SO damn proud to have been a part of it.

The Prequels didn’t take Luke, Leia or Han and change their personalities or make their lives miserable and lonely. Each OT film built on the last and gave the characters growth that the Prequels did not take away. A fan that hated them could just ignore the prequels completely and not affect any of the OT. Established fans were even used to ignoring what stories they wanted to in the EU additions, so no biggie.

2. Yes, Prequels had bad dialogue and racist aliens and inconsistencies from the OT, but within itself had consistent characters and an overall arc that progressed. Lucas at least had a vague idea how each movie would play out, instead of doing one film then ditching to toss it to a whole new person’s ideas. Also remember this was released at a time when social media wasn’t as popular and wide open. You joined/followed mailing lists for fans, chatrooms for fans, livejournals for fans. (Or the opposite types if you weren’t a fan or had deep criticisms.) You went to cons and SWW, and no one was gonna pay money if they were gonna b*tch the whole time. You didn’t see EVERYONE’S posts unexpectedly and widespread. You couldn’t reblog; you just commented on someone’s post about your thoughts, and even then they could lock the comments to friends only. Fan videos had to be downloaded ON DIAL-UP so in-depth video analysis wasn’t a thing. Of course all fans had little nitpicks, but nitpicks that could be joked about akin to the infamous OT bloopers.

3. As i said: Good Lawd the dialogue was bad cuz Lucas had always had corny dialogue only great actors can pull off. That being said, we had fantastic actors for the Prequels. Liam, Ewan, Natalie: they can make things like “See Spot Run” sound important and dramatic. We didn’t care and we loved them. It was only really noticeable with Jake and Hayden. (Poor Jake i loved him as little Anakin and fanboys were and still are so fucking awful.) Hayden... Idk how he got the part but my bro and i still stiltedly mimic the “what. things. ?” from time to time. 

But corny lines are different from plain bad writing. And lack of direction (Lucas) is different from direction from someone who seems to not know the characters or care to (Rian). The actors we have, both young and old, in the new trilogy are fantastic, but they can still only do so much. They were jerked from knowing their characters to being disappointed and unsure between the span of two movies. 

That’s the difference in the two trilogies. Let people be critical. Let people be disappointed and angry. You don’t like it: fine. But they’re entitled to feel how they feel and you don’t get to feel superior because you think you’ve sat through worse. You’re not a better fan for deciding you’ve suffered more when you were probably just as excited back then as the rest of us. You’re a cliche, and a bad one.

[avani008]

TLJ Reaction Post

Short version: meh.

Longer version: behind the cut for length, disorganized rambling, general grumpiness, and spoilers. I haven’t really looked at anyone else’s reaction posts yet, so I’m sure my opinions could very well be diametrically opposed to everyone else’s, in which case....oops?

*I have mixed feelings about Poe’s actions in the first scene: one would think he’d have learned to be more pragmatic over the years, but that said, a plot arc (with Leia!) about learning to make hard choices as a leader is exactly the sort of character arc that I usually love....except when it comes at the cost of an idiot plot (see below.) But! At least Poe didn’t get stuck with a ridiculous romantic subplot and has an excellent chance of making it through the last film alive. He probably got the best deal of all three new leads, TBH.

* I also like Rose, quite a lot! I like her being idealistic and clever and determined, and she plays off Finn well. Which made me SO disappointed that her overall role is third leg of a LOVE TRIANGLE, of all things. (Star Wars doesn’t even do love triangles! At least not when two of the people involved aren’t awkwardly related to each other. And I hate how fandom will inevitably feel the need to pit her against Rey :( )

*That said, clearly Rose’s sister had to die horribly, because heaven forbid we have more than one POC female character featured. I liked her in her brief appearance, though.

* Holdo! I have mixed feelings overall. Morally dubious, smart, and ultimately tragic female leaders are some of my favorite character tropes (Everyone in Baahubali fandom is SHOCKED to hear this, I’m sure.) and also I loved Leia having a friend/alternative shipping option during the time she and Han were estranged. But: there was absolutely no reason for her to be so antagonistic to Poe, and his sudden dislike to her before he’s even met her doesn’t do him any favors either. We’re supposed to guess that the reason she doesn’t reveal her plan is because of a possible spy, which....um, how did the first order get the tracking coordinates in the first place? Did I miss that? Anyway, even if that is her reasoning, if she’s so close to Leia, surely she knows Poe is her protege and can be trusted. I’m not saying she has to announce her plans over the loudspeaker, but taking him aside to allay his concerns seems perfectly sensible and I can’t understand why she didn’t do that.

* Also Google informs me that Holdo first appears in a tie-in and has been compared to Luna Lovegood. Guys, I can’t imagine a character less like Luna than movie! Holdo; what am I missing?

*Which is as good a time as any to scream about Rey and how much her plot arc suffered the second Ben got involved. I’d happily watch a cut that was all her developing her Jedi powers, cut to the rescue on Crait and her “just moving rocks” scene. But no, instead she gets this long involved subplot with Ben that’s just....For me to believe that Rey has so much invested in his redemption, Ben needed to play the roles Finn and Han played in the first movie: the first people to value her, to help her, to come back for her. Instead Ben killed one of them and hurt the other before her eyes (yes, I screamed internally when he gave her the “join me” spiel.) Hell, I’d even have taken Han begging her to save Ben as his dying wish; or perhaps the AU where she’s Han and Leia’s adopted daughter taken in after Ben’s fall with all the complicated relationships that entails; but as is, it’s every toxic shipping dynamic that I hate.

*Okay, it’s time for the Ben rant (note: I do call him “Ben,” but that’s because I find I’m most attached and invested to the original trio, and as they all consistently call him “Ben”) Waking up to find your uncle and teacher trying to kill you is clearly traumatic!....But the appropriate response to that is not to turn around and do the same thing to your fellow students, who had nothing to do with this as far as we know. Nor is it to commit genocide knowingly. Nor is it to kill your unarmed father, who is specifically mentioned as not wanting you to be trained as a Jedi to start with, in cold blood. Also, even if we want to blame it on Snoke....Ben keeps on going even after Snoke’s death. At this point, he is beyond redemption for me; and Leia, at least, seems to agree.

That said, Luke: “If you cut me down, I’ll stay with you forever!”

Ben: *immediately slashes at him with his lightsaber*

...Methinks Bhalla and Ben probably need the same therapist.

*Leia flying in the vacuum of space was ridiculous. The CGI looked off to me, the science makes no sense, and we’ve never before seen that the Force can do such a thing, any more than we have astral projection (? But then how was Luke able to touch Leia’s hand or transfer the dice from the Falcon?) That said, I’m so glad she survived :)

* I was less happy with Luke’s plotline. First off, my! Luke would never be so pointlessly hostile and rude—I get the sense that his montage of going around the island was supposed to be funny, but no one in my theater laughed at least. But more egregiously, with regards to trying to kill his own nephew: LUKE WOULD NEVER. I just don’t buy it, at all, ever; this is LUKE SKYWALKER, the man who inherited his mother’s heart, the man who refused to kill Darth Vader. To think that he would, even for a second, CONSIDER murdering his sleeping nephew is completely incompatible with my understanding of his character. The scene with Yoda was better, as was the climax, but it’s not enough to overcome everything that had come before.

* Chewbacca and the original droids were sadly underused, most blatantly R2. I liked the one R2 and Luke scene but....how was that Luke had only the one interaction with his beloved droid?

* If he was going to be killed off so abruptly, I’d really have liked an explanation as to who Snoke is, how he found Ben and came into contact with him, what his actual goals are? But I guess that won’t be an option now.

* The porgs and the crystal fox-things were cute!

* Probably an unpopular opinion, but I actually was okay with Rey just being an orphan without connections to the Solo-Skywalkers. I know the story is largely a family saga, but I’m ok with the message being that bloodlines don’t matter (once again, the adopted Rey AU could emphasize this so much more). That said I’m still confused as to why Rey apparently has dreamed of Luke’s island before: this clearly isn’t something all Force sensitive kids do, so why her?

* Also, the pacing seemed a little off to me? I expected that the big Rey/Ben/Snoke duel was the climax and then the film went on for another thirty or so minutes, which seemed rather too much to me.

* Finally, I’ve mentioned this before to some of you, but overall what I find most disappointing about the new trilogy is how cylical everything seems to be. Leia is an overworked politician again, Han an unscrupulous smuggler; and just like Ben Kenobi, Luke is a hermit mourning the failure of his attempt at mentor ship for years. Actually Ben at least had the purpose of watching over Luke; Luke apparently abandoned his sister and the galaxy just to go wallow (LUKE WOULD NEVER!). The galaxy is at war, again, there’s the Sith back again, and whereas RotJ closed on a wealth of possibility for the characters, promising closure from the sadness of the past, the sequels just leave me wondering: “what was the point, then?” I was honestly expecting that watching this movie would make me want to write much more in this fandom, but honestly, the disconnect between how I see the characters and how the creators do is so great that I don’t feel I can do it justice.

That said, that is mostly me venting, mostly because of my own subjective tastes. If you guys enjoyed watching the movie, I’m super happy to hear that! We all need something to cheer us up these days :) I hope that you can all forgive my grumping and overall pettiness, haha.

[rickrakontoys]

Star Wars - The Last Jedi

A wierd, different, unexpected, uneven, but ultimately satisfying episode in the franchise.

****SPOILERS**** this is going to be looooong….

The Good - The filmmakers took a lot of chances and risks here and I am happy that they did. They showed us new things that we’ve never seen before, and presented a plot that subverts your expectations to lead the characters to new journeys and arcs. - Luke was terrific as a dejected former jedi master who’s past failure led him to exile. Some fans may have wanted him to remain some kind of power fantasy character who just uses the Force to… blow Star Destroyers up or some shit, but here he plays a believable interpretation of a teacher who failed his students and is suffering from deep regrets. He came to that isolated island “to die” as he says, but his arc here follows the theme of “learning to pick yourself up even in the face of terrible failure". Despite being an old curmudgeon now, he is still recognizably Luke Skywalker. Mark Hamill gives his best performance here. And his final “battle” at the end is badass, surprising and clever, not to mention showing us a new use of The Force (which in my mind totally makes some sense). If the dead can project their image through the force, why can’t a living jedi? That Luke acts quite dramatic when facing Kylo Ren as a “hologram” is just funny. Luke’s journey ended in ROTJ. Here he plays one final part in the story of this galaxy. “See you around kid” he says to Kylo. Perhaps he is saying it to us as well. - Leia has a lot of unexpected scenes here… namely, her use of the Force to save herself from what would have been a deadly experience! This felt at first like it came out of nowhere, but Leia has previously shown to possess some strong connection to the Force. Her character is out of commission for a chunk of the movie, but Carrie Fisher does give a very subtle and poignant performance here. How they will reconcile Fisher’s passing for Episode 9 will remain to be seen… - Rey and Kylo’s journeys here compliment each other and are amazing. You honestly don’t know how things will turn out, since they tease both of them being pulled away from their respective sides of the Force often here. Their direct connection to each other through the Force was new, and gave us some very interesting scenes where they talk and interact despite being worlds apart. Kylo gets much more development here, and does some rather unexpected things. He is both sympathetic, and detestable. He is still very much a tortured young man lashing out at the galaxy. Rey mostly plays the role of the student in search of a teacher. She goes looking for Luke, finds him, but he ain’t having it at all, and just lets her hang around for a bit to her disappointment. She eventually takes her own initiative and sort of earns Luke’s respect for it. - We perhaps learn who Rey’s parents are, and it was as I wished: they are nobodies who sold her off as a kid then died in a shallow grave on Jakku. I would have HATED if they were somehow someone we already knew… Rey’s importance isn’t through blood but through her own initiative. She even admits to knowing all along but being afraid to admit it. Daisy Ridley is still fantastic as Rey. I like her even more than before! Kylo can satisfy the Skywalker bloodline requirement of the series in this new trilogy. Let someone else be the hero for a change. - Kylo just straight up murders that silly CGI Supreme Leader Snoke and I love it. Snoke was just Palpatine-lite, and Kylo is clearly the more interesting villain the new series should focus on. Who cares who Snoke was… nobody really cared who Palpatine was in ROTJ… he too was just an evil overlord who gets killed by his apprentice (until Lucas devoted 3 movies to him…). This feels like Rain Johnson cleaning up after JJ Abrams. Snoke was silly and I’m glad he dies unclimactically after only 2 movies. - Poe is a lot more hot-headed here than in the first movie, though we didnt really spend much time with him in TFA. He gets an arc here too though, which also fits in with the themes of the film. His actions get a ton of people killed and essentially cripples the Resistance, but he learns from his mistakes eventually and becomes a better leader for it. - The general theme of the movie being moving past one’s failures is interesting here since it let the filmmakers subvert so many tropes. Most of the plans the Resistence people enact all lead to disaster. In fact, their desperate flight from impending doom through the entire movie felt quite harrowing. Unlike ESB where the rebels successfully escape Hoth to live and fight another day with minimal losses, the Resistance here is absolutely wrecked and continue to be destroyed through the entire runtime. How they will recover from this remains to be seen, and we now know nothing about where this story will go in Episode 9 because of how screwed they are by the end… Meanwhile the First Order suffers from their own failures, but appear too smug about themselves to see their own hubris. They could have easily wiped the Resistance out, but choose to slowly chase them, as if to let the rebels witness the loss of all hope. It doesn’t exactly backfire, but instead renews the rebels fire to fight back. - There is a lot about the Force here that evolves the Star Wars mythos a bit. From the old Jedi texts, to Luke admitting that the Jedi doomed themselves long ago in the prequels, we see Star Wars moving past Jedi and Sith and becoming something different. I’m glad they didnt rely so heavily on what only was shown before with respect to the capabilities of a Force user or the nature of the Force in general. People may not like this, but the change is welcome. Also… YODA!!!! Slightly crazed puppet Yoda!!! He’s still teaching Luke new things. Wished ghost Obi-wan also appeared somehow… but that may be going too far. - The battles and duels in this movie were spectacular. The lightsaber fight in Snoke’s throne room? One of the best fights in the series… it was exciting and realistically choreographed, flashy without being excessive (like the prequels). A good balance between the fights in the OT and prequels. Seeing Rey and Kylo battling Snoke’s guards in a long take, shot clearly with the static angle… magnificent. Plus we get to see Kylo at full strength as opposed to crippled in TFA. He takes on multiple enemies at once, while Rey struggles with one guard. - The cinematography here is in general quite lovely. Rian Johnson loves his wide shots, and fills them with a beauty not often seen in these movies. There are some gorgeous shots here… from Holdo’s weaponized Hyperspace maneuver, to Luke’s standoff against the AT-ATs, and his final scene looking to the twin sunset that recalls the similar shot on Tatooine long ago… the use of color throughout makes for a very pretty movie. - We get flashback scenes here oddly enough… which we never got in other episode films. Plus, Rian wasnt afraid to venture into other types of shots and scenes, like a minor use of slow motion. They let the filmmmakers inject their own style into the movie. - The porgs were thankfully not too obtrusive. They are just sorta there to annoy Chewie. Chewie roasting some for dinner while they watch horrified was great and rather morbid. - Seeing Luke on the Falcon again, and his scene with R2… very poignant, and melancholy. They somehow manage to use Leia’s old message to Obi Wan to further Luke’s character development. - The battle on the salt planet Crait was neat. They make you think there will be some Hoth style battle against the AT-ATs, but its ultimately subverted by having the Resistance not even have a remote chance at all of doing any damage due to their lack of useful weapons. Finn tries the heroic sacrifice but… eh… Rose saves him and ends up letting the First Order blast a hole in the base. The hopelessness is really driven far here. - It took until the ending for me to realize Poe never was introduced to Rey ever. Also, did Rey steal the Jedi texts from that tree Luke planned on torching? You see some books in a drawer that Finn takes a blanket out of on the Falcon. Perhaps Rey will use them to help revive the Jedi order? - The last scene of the movie was an odd one to close out on… some orphans talking about Luke Skywalker like some legendary hero… then one of them uses the force to grab a broom? The Force is alive in others! Hope always survives! A bit on the nose but it makes you contemplate the future beyond the current heroes. The Bad…. - Finn and Rose’s entire subplot was superfulous and kind of terrible… I could see how it ties into the theme of the movie (hatching a clever plan to fight the First Order that ultimately fails spectacularly, but they keep fighting anyways), but that didnt stop it from being rather dull. Canto Blight felt out of place… like you were watching Harry Potter or the Hunger Games. And the whole animal horse chase thing fell kinda flat… - Benicio del Toro is in this… he plays some wierdo hacker (slicer?) with a stutter. He ultimately amounts to very little. He’s played convincingly, but only added to the superfulousness of Finn and Rose’s subplot… - In fact… that whole subplot was what damaged this movie severely. It is clearly the weakest part of an otherwise interesting film. How they come up with the plan to infiltrate the First Order ship to disable their hyperspace tracking device thing felt halfbaked. Finn and Rose spout some technobabble that feels straight out of Star Trek, then decide to gungho this odd mission. They threw Maz Kanata in there for a moment for no reason… why would Finn and Poe ask her for help? Finn barely met her. Does Poe even know her at all? All of this coulda been avoided if Vice Admiral Holdo just told Poe about her and Leia’s secret plan at the start! - Rose is gonna be divisive…. she feels like a fan stand-in character. She fangirls over Finn, goes on an adventure with him, and is suddenly in love with him? Sure I guess… i suppose i could buy that, considering she was previously some unseen common worker for the Resistance meeting a “celebrity”. Finn didnt seem to react much to her kiss though. His heart seems out for Rey. - Rey just casually dropping herself off at Snoke’s ship felt a wee bit too convenient… then after the battle in the throne room she just… appears back on the Falcon. Jarring, despite the attempt to explain it. - Phasma is used so little i wonder why they bothered making her a unique character at all… to sell toys? She gets a badass fight where she dominates Finn, but then seemingly dies in a fiery pit. Maybe they will make it a running gag that she keeps coming back? I hope she survived and returns later anyways. We get to see Gwendolyn Christie’s… eye. Yay? - The music here plays off established themes from the OT and TFA, which is fine, but otherwise there really isnt anything new here. Rose gets a new leitmotif at least. They use Palpatine’s theme during some Snoke scenes too, but is it meant to suggest they are related? - Honestly, the middle of the film just drags too long, and its all due to the Finn and Rose scenes. I get they needed to have Finn do something, but was that Canto Blight stuff necessary? That they just fly off somewhere then return to the fleet chase later kinda trivialized the whole scenario. They also introduce an idea that weapons manufacturers are profitting off the perpetual war between empire and rebellion. Neat, but they don’t really explore it further… feels like that belongs in a different movie… - The beginning of the movie focused a lot on Rose’s sister despite us not knowing much about her. Just kinda an odd choice? Those rebel bombers that just drop bombs on top of the dreadnught are also kinda dumb… most of the rebel fighter craft are decimated right off the bat. Summary: It may take more viewings to see where this truly stands qualitywise in the series. The Force Awakens definitely flowed better and had better pacing, but this one was more inventive and introduced us to newer concepts and was less predictable. Apart from the weak Canto Blight subplot and some other plot goofery, the film works. For now, I think it can give it an 8.5/10.0. I respect the hell out of them for doing some ballsy things that they know will rile part of the fanbase. Franchise rankings (out of 10): ESB & ANH 9.0 (fresh and with a truly lasting legacy) TLJ 8.5 (for evolving the franchise) RotJ 8.25 (a good close to the OT but imperfect) TFA 8.0 (overly familiar beats but still fun) ROTS 7.0 (flawed but sort of gives more weight to what happens in ROTJ) Rogue One 6.5 (very flawed, kind of a mess) TPM & AOTC 5.0 (some parts of it i like, the rest is nonsensical or dull) People seem to forget how different ESB was from ANH. This is the case here compared to TFA. I think its neat how each trilogy has its own unique feel and energy. I only hope JJ Abrams grows beyond his shortcomings in Ep. 9 and gives us something also unique and fresh.

[toradh]

Minutes of me watching the, luckily, last episode of ToZX

Warning: lots of capslock, lots of cursing. I finally figured out how to put things under a cut, hooray! Beware of obvious spoilers for the game, the anime, AND Tales of Berseria ahead. It’s also a goddamn long post.

0:00: *has just made the bad mistake to eat a whole litre of vla. Very hyper, hands are shaking, tummy ache* Okay, Ufotable. DO YOUR WORST.

No opening? I can deal. Didn’t expect it anyway. No anime ever plays the opening in the last episode, right? I don’t like it, anyway.

0:20: Yes, I know, it’s Captain Planet, go ahead and do shit

0:30 I’m kinda disappointed that the Captain Planet theme isn’t actually playing

0:58: No, it looks plain silly. NO CAPES, DAMN IT Btw are the girls just gonna stand there in the background for the entire episode?

1:20: Yeah, looks like Captain Planet mode sucks after all. Btw if I wasn’t still sick, I’d take a sip for Meebo shouting “Sorey!”

1:29: You’re saying that NOW, Lailah? And is Heldalf just gonna stand there and watch the whole time?

2:08: I want Sorey’s hair conditioner

2:30:  I honestly can’t read my shaky sugar-induced and rage-fueled handwriting for that minute anymore, but the last words seem to suggest that I was bitching about Anime!Sorey being a Gary Stu. Speaking of shaky handwriting, most „2“ in this post might as well be a „1“ and vice versa, hard to tell

2:48: NO, SOREY. YOU FUCKING CAN’T. WHO WROTE HIM SUDDENLY BEING ABLE TO DO THINGS THAT THE ENTIRE GAME IS MAKING HIM LEARN THAT HE CAN’T. And I can’t even do English anymore

2:57: Yay the good songs are back I also wanna use these nifty rainbow magic dual element spells

3:37: …You still can’t, you know

3:47: Okay girls, I see you’re bored and wanna do something, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO, OK? YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE. NOBODY SHOULD BE IN THAT FRIGGIN’ VOLCANO ACTUALLY

3:56: Hi Dezel!

4:00: I’m touched that Dezel opted to ship RosAli and has given the girls his blessing

4:10: Sorey, if the Gay Pride Armatus is that exhausting to use, I’d suggest you stop wasting your breath with cheesy speeches

4:38: DAT’S SOME BFS DAT’S THE BUSTER SWORD OF GAY PRIDE

4:44: At least they somehow… reshaped that sweet sequence from the original game’s opening animation where Sorey and all Seraphim unanimously punch Heldalf. Okay, this is a sweet but sorry attempt at a decent battle scene.

5:03: WTF FUCKING WHY I JUST – *inhales deeply* Heldalf, you’re fucking doing it wrong, Velvet would be disappointed with you

5:28: That’s some ugly CGI malevolence

5:55: EVEN IN THE MANGA THEY HAD FIGURED OUT BEFORE THE FINAL BATTLE THAT THE LAND AND LA– MAOTELUS ARE CORRUPTED, AND THAT THING HAS ONLY 19 CHAPTERS! HOW HARD CAN IT BE!? BTW YOU’D KNOW IF YOU HAD EVER BOTHERED TO TALK TO MUSE YOU BASTARDS

6:30: What was the Gay Pride Armatus even good for? LAP–– I MEAN MAOTELUS, PLEASE INTERVENE, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AS GOD

8:00: SEAL? JUST KILL YOU DUMB IDIOT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

8:10: Oh no Meebo, please don’t cry OH SHIT NO IF THAT’S NOT THE LOOK OF A BROKEN HEART THEN IT’S ON MY FACE RIGHT NOW

8:20: ARGLBLARGL NO NO NO DON’T PLAY JOURNEY’S END IN THE BACKGROUND, OH GOD WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY (=Sorey. Or Maotelus with a Deus Ex Machina move, come on, I’ve been so waiting for it) FINALLY END MEEBO’S SUFFERING

8:40 OH MAN ANIME!SOREY FOR WORST BOYFRIEND EVER

9:03: IT’S GONNA BE THE PURPLE PROSE AU

9:14: *hands over tissues and chocolate* Meebo, you know, this whole show doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, anyway, so there’s absolutely no need for Sorey to pull through with this heroic sacrifice but kinda not at all shit thing

9:20: SOMEONE GIVE THAT POOR BOY A HUG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

9:24: I doubt he’s listening right now, Sorey, and you really deserve a punch or two

10:34: WHERE WAS THAT DREAM THE LAST FUCKING 24 EPISODES!!!!!!!!?????????????

10:40: I’D TAKE A SIP IF I WASN’T STILL SICK AND SOBBING

10:59: Yeah, Alisha, I’m glad you’re still alive, too. Who even suggested that squire-killing risk in the first place

11:09: HI CUTIE-PIE! Okay I admit it, part of me who was already used to being spoilered just wanted to see cute baby Laphi turning back his adorable seraph self. Screw this BTW SHOULDN’T YOU KINDA BE DOWN THERE WITH SOREY, WHICH WAS THE 1000% BETTER CONNECTION TO THE BERSERIA PLOT!????

11:22: I don’t think he hears you, sweetie

11:49: Are you gonna give me nothing but scenery porn for the remaining 10 minutes!?

12:55: Oh no, you didn’t fucking make the last in the line to the throne –

12:57: OH MY GOD NO YOU DID

13:05: That dress is disappointingly boring

14:57: What the fuck is written on that stone?

15:07: How many shepherds has Anime!Lailah destroyed?

15:25: …so, did they kill Eizen?

16:00: ZAVEID, YOU’RE EXCLUSIVELY HANGING OUT WITH OTHER SERAPHIM, AND YOU TRIED TO KILL SOREY THREE TIMES IN A ROW, HOW ARE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF INTERCULTURAL MEDIATION Oh wait actually Anime!Zaveid has never tried to kill Sorey. Well, anyway.

16:03: …Yeah, Eizen is what? Apart from, STILL A DRAGON AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, STILL CURSED!?

16:25: Ride a dragon, Edna

16:40: …It was too much to ask, I guess. Dammit.

16:57: Oh hello long-haired Rose. How did it get that long, she doesn’t even look a single day older

AND WHERE IS YOUR SHEPHERD’S CLOAK, BITCH!?

You also look like a Pokémon trainer. Or like a female Luke. Definitely female Luke

17:43: Lesbians doing a cooking course together. How does that fit your schedule, QUEEN ALISHA?

18:02: HAROLD, THEY’RE LESBIANS

19:07: PURPLE PROSE AU IS REAL

19:55: They are so fucking married I can’t believe my eyes

20:18: Well… about that…

20:20: YEAH ASK MEEBO, EXCEPT SOMEBODY DECIDED TO CUT THAT PART OF PLOT AND WORLDBUILDING COMPLETELY OUT OF THE STORY

20:32: *CHOKED SCREAMING*

Btw is there a specific reason why the nameless kids look like Sorey’s and Mikleo’s human love children? Except hurting me on a deep emotional level?

20:41: THAT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT AND YOU KNOW THAT, TSUNLEO

21:18: Hey wait, they can still do the telepathy crap? Why? And how is the pact still in place?

21:23: ARRRRHHHHHH WHY DO YOU BREAK MY HEART, ALL I WANTED WAS SERAPH SOREY

21:40: R3V#1GU) +B8ß23pkcf +ierq0ßcple2ßîdo^# jncoäejvcreoL *AGGRESSIVELY SMASHES KEYBOARD*

21:52: …Dammit. *adapts “adult Meebo is still shorter than Sorey” headcanon to “adult Meebo is the same height as Sorey until he starts growing too, until they arrive at the same height difference again* Then again, this is a stupid canon divergent AU, anyway, right?

21:58: FOR FUCKING REAL!?

22:05: Good idea, ask Gramps for all the missing things from the plot. The adaptation spared him, after all

22:15: Part of me is relieved, part of me is very upset

22:43: Why can you still do this? BTW WAY TO CHEAT ON A RACE

23:00: When did you two learn to fly?

AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MAOTELUS? WHO CARES ABOUT HELDALF, WHO SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD? I WANT MY SWEET BABY BACK

23:06: What… or where is that?

23:17: THAT’S FRIGGIN’ NORMAL BIRDS, SOREY

And did you just fly out of Glenwood to Tethe’alla, because I don’t recognize that view

WHAT A RIDE

Hands still shaky, still sick, fucking offended

PLEASE END MY LIFE

(no reaction scribbles this time, at least not immediately. Except Sorey and Mikleo should totally adopt their mini selves. AND LAPHI.)

[i-just-like-commenting]

Star Wars rewatch,part 1: Episode IV, A New Hope

I’d planned to write this last week, but life got busy, so instead it’s my last little May the Fourth celebration! I’m also updating my project from my initial plan; I’ve heard the animated series The Clone Wars praised so much as connective tissue between episodes II and III that I’m going to try to watch as much of it as keeps my interest (it’s available on Netflix). My schedule is thus now:

IV (May) V (May) II (June) Clone Wars (June-September) III (October) VI (October) VII (November)

General Impressions, or the Movie on Its Own

Well, Star Wars: A New Hope holds up pretty well after all these years. I was first exposed to the franchise through Muppet Babies (no, really) and I can’t remember how old I was exactly when I saw all the movies; maybe 7 or 8? It’s an engaging and exciting adventure story with likable characters and a lot of world-building that manages to be immersive without being overwhelming.

That said, the technology hasn’t aged well – by which I mean the depiction of computers, not the special effects. They have big keys spaced far apart, with tiny screens. Oh, and at some point in the future we decided the best way to transmit files was manually? And copying files erases them? I suppose perhaps they were being jammed for the former, and trying to keep up the flimsy pretense of being neutral for the latter. Still, it’s all very seventies in terms of its computer technology.

There’s also no way this movie would be rated PG today, not with the charred corpses of Owen and Beru, or that severed arm in a pool of blood in the cantina.

The Special Edition Stuff

I definitely remember seeing the Special Editions when they came out in 1997 (I was 13 at the time). Seeing the films on the big screen, especially that opening as the Star Destroyer first appears, was amazing. But even then, I knew there were changes that did not work.

Twenty years later, it’s easy to see how much Lucas overestimated the quality of CGI at the time. Machines and things left blurry in the background tend to look pretty good, but living organisms, especially if they are close to the camera, do not blend well with the background at all and look horribly out of place. Comparing it to, say, Maz Kanata in Force Awakens and you can see how technology has come a long way. Besides, a lot of the additions are completely unnecessary. A few droids floating around with the Stormtroopers? A few aliens in the background? They work. But having things walk between the characters and the camera is disorienting and serves no purpose. Mos Eisley doesn’t look bustling, it looks like they set the shot up poorly.

Nothing is worse than the Jabba the Hutt scene, which left the audience I was back then completely cold. It is truly terrible, and you can tell that Jabba wasn’t initially supposed to look like what he did. (Side note: has anyone confirmed if the design of Hutts was completely ripped off from the Regul? Because I think they were.) It breaks up the flow of Luke and Ben’s transition to the Falcon, and having Han make a deal with Jabba rather than being on the run after murdering one of his minions (“We’re a little rushed”) meshes better with him being on bounty hunters’ hit lists in the sequel.

That said, I do like Biggs having a short scene with Luke to give a little more impact to his death, though I wish there was even more.

Continuity, Part 1: Relation to the Original Trilogy

I know Lucas made a lot of changes as the trilogy went on, but I can easily believe that he had two things planned from the start. The first is that Han and Leia were going to end up together. While Luke has an obvious crush on Leia, and she’s fond of him, the banter between her and Han is more typical “romantic interest” writing. It’s also obvious that, for all of their hostility (he resents her class status, she resents his feigned mercenary attitude) they take a liking to each other pretty quickly. Han’s “Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her” is absolutely real, as is Leia’s admiration of his courage (as he leads what could be a suicide charge, something he mocked Luke for earlier). Given that she isn’t as despondent over Han leaving as Luke is, and her remark that “I knew there was more to you than money,” it’s safe to say that her “I wonder if he really cares about anything. Or anybody,” was more an attempt at goading him into action than sincere dismissal of his character. Plus that wink. 😘

I played a little game of adding “married in the future” to a lot of their snarky lines, including Han telling Leia to “Get on top of it!” in the garbage chute. It made me giggle. I am so immature.

The other plot development that complements this film nicely is Darth Vader being Luke’s father. Alec Guinness’ acting, the way he won’t meet Luke’s eyes, gives a strong impression that he’s hiding details from him – which it turns out he was. And of course the conversation between Beru and Owen becomes all that more sinister in retrospect:

Aunt Beru: Luke's just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of his father in him. Uncle Owen: That's what I'm afraid of.

The first time through, Owen comes across as simply a worrywart, concerned that Luke will die the way his father did if he ever sets foot off the farm. But if he knew that Anakin Skywalker had gone to the Dark Side, was one of the worst villains the galaxy, well yeah, he’d be very afraid that Luke resembled his father and want to shelter him from any chance of learning of the Force.

Continuity, Part 2: Relation to the Prequel Trilogy

That said, the relationship between Owen, Beru, Anakin, and Obi-Wan would make a lot more sense if Owen wasn’t Anakin’s step-sibling who he met only once. The convoluted connection between Luke and his aunt and uncle in the prequel undercuts everything in this film. How can Beru be an expert on Anakin’s character? Why is Owen resentful of Obi-Wan taking Anakin away if he only met him long after he became a Jedi?

If I’d been writing the prequels, I’d have made Beru be Anakin’s decade-older sister (allowing them to preserve his miraculous birth if they really wanted to go that way) and Owen her boyfriend who wants to buy her freedom and treats Ani like his little brother. Beru would be close to Anakin and Owen would have been around when Anakin left. It would raise the emotional stakes of them losing Anakin to the Dark Side a lot, too. Though maybe this is something Clone Wars tried to fix? I guess I’ll see.

After rewatching this film, I do actually buy that R2D2 secretly knew everything that was going on, while C3PO had his memory wiped. There are gaps in C3PO’s memories (he’s been in “several” battles, “I think”) and R2 obviously knows who Ben is, and again there’s a bit of an exchange between them like Obi-Wan suspects something is up.

There is one thing that the prequels do explain – why is Vader so hesitant when fighting Ben if he’s such a powerful Jedi? Well, he knows how it ended last time (with him having severed limbs at the edge of a pool of lava) and he’s being cautious.

Continuity, Part 3: Relation to the New Films

“If the Rebels have obtained a complete technical reading of this station, it is possible, however unlikely, they might find a weakness and exploit it.” And thus an entire movie was born. I don’t think I needed to have this “plot hole” filled in, but it worked out into a pretty good story, even if I desperately wanted more time to get to know the characters (who are pretty flat).

Obviously there are parallels between A New Hope and The Force Awakens, though not as much as people like to claim. TFA borrows from all the original films, and it’s impossible to draw direct parallels between the characters. Sure, Rey is an obvious fill-in for Luke, and Kylo Ren for Darth Vader, but Vader never captured and tortured Luke; they don’t even meet in this movie, which was probably according to Ben’s plan, separating himself from the group and luring Vader away from encountering his son. Beyond that, parallels start to break down. Person who sends off plans and gets caught by the villains? Leia and Poe. Only Leia wasn’t the one to destroy the Death Star…Duo who wind up stumbling on to the hero after being separated wandering in the desert? R2D2/C3PO and BB8/Finn, but C3PO didn’t defect from the enemy forces and free Leia at the start of the film, nor was he Luke’s love interest. Han is Han I suppose and Leia is General Dordana, and maybe Maz is Ben…? There’s a lot more originality to TFA than people want to give it credit for.

Conclusion: Bring on the Droid Revolution

DROIDS ARE SLAVES. That was the big gut-punch of watching it this time around. Like, how did I not see how horribly mistreated they are? They’re sold on market, wear restraining bolts, can have their memories wiped at their owner’s whim, or even “deactivated,” a fate C3PO clearly fears as much as a human would death. The cantina owner is bigoted against them, declaring that “We don’t serve their kind” and throwing them out of his establishment. Even C3PO’s attitude reflects a life of slavery: “We seem to be made to suffer, it’s our lot in life.”

Everything about droids is coded for them being an oppressed underclass, yet this has never come up in the films, ever. Are we supposed to be cool with it because they’re machines? They’re obviously sentient, though, and meant to be sympathetic. We spend a lot of time with R2 and C3PO before we even meet Luke, and them splitting up accomplished nothing other than character development.

They’re also obviously capable of emotion as well as intellect. I wasn’t joking when I said R2 and C3PO are the purest ship, they really are. C3PO is a classic tsundere character, claiming he doesn’t care about R2 right up until his counterpart is injured in battle, when he offers to sacrifice his own parts to save him. Seriously, I suspect “counterpart” is just droid for “life partner.” It may not be sexual (they’re gonadless robots for crying out loud) but it is true love, and I now ship it.

[agentnico]

The Mummy (2017) Review

Finally, the Brendan Fraser come back we’ve all been waiting for! It’s about time he came back to the spotlight and...oh, wait, hang on. There’s no Brendan Fraser in this? It’s yet another remake? Oh. Oh no.

Plot: Though safely entombed in a crypt deep beneath the unforgiving desert, an ancient princess, whose destiny was unjustly taken from her, is awakened in our current day bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.

So following the popular thread nowadays of studios building cinematic universes, now Universal is taking their shot with their Dark Universe filled with various monsters from Invisible Man to Frankenstein to Dracula and, presently, kicking it all off with a new ‘The Mummy’ remake. They already attempted to start this a few years ago with the ‘Dracula Untold’ film with Luke Evans in the titular role, but now that film has officially been confirmed to not be part of the monster cinematic universe anymore and so we are getting the actual Dark Universe with ‘The Mummy’. Is it any good though? Well, as a throwaway  mediocre horror action flick for the summer it’s fine at best. It’s not terrible, there is stuff to enjoy here, but it definitely is a messy film which doesn’t kick off the Dark Universe with the strongest start. Though Universal really does want to kick start this cinematic universe, as boy are there a lot of easter eggs and references in this film to Dracula, the creature from the Black Lagoon and so on.

Instead of being a straight up campy horror flick like the Brendan Fraser versions, this version of ‘The Mummy’ takes a more action-based approach, and it does so by bringing one of the biggest action stars of Hollywood today good old Tom Cruise himself as Nick Morton, a guy who stumbles upon the Mummy’s tomb and becomes cursed for certain reasons and thus shenanigans ensue. Tom Cruise is fine and likeable as always, even though his character is a massive a**hole. As in he is a backstabbing, selfish narcissistic thief who only thinks of his own skin, however because Cruise is starring, he makes the character still likeable, which I’d say would possibly mean that he was miscast. It’s pretty much ‘Mission Impossible’’s Ethan Hunt in a fantastical monster movie. Sofia Boutella had a good on-screen presence as the mummified princess herself, playing the role the way that Cara Delevingne SHOULD have played her role in ‘Suicide Squad’. Yes, I’m saying the Boutella would have done a better job as the Enchantress than Delevingne. Jake Johnson is also in this film, and from the beginning the movie makes him look like the character that’s going to be that stereotypical side-kick that is simply there to bring comic relief, but in fact the film takes quite an interesting approach with his character that I actually admired, though I still think that overall he was under-used and the movie should have made more use of him. Annabelle Wallis plays the female side-kick in the film, and her character was one of my main problems with the film. She was just always very annoying, and always had to be saved. In other words a typical ‘damsel in distress’ type of role, which doesn’t look good, especially with ‘Wonder Woman’ having come out last week and giving us an empowering message of how a strong female character should be done. Russell Crowe also makes an appearance as Dr. Henry Jekyll (and Mr Hyde), and he brought the right authoritative stance to his character, as his role mainly entitled being the one who introduces us the the monsters universe as this Nick-Fury-esque character who wants to find all the monsters. And Crowe also manages to bring subtle elements of madness to the character, through hand gestures and facial expressions, thus showing us that there are two personalities living within his body, and I really appreciated that.

Visually the film offers some very good CGI effects, and there are also some stunt scenes (typical to a Tom Cruise film), however those are ruined by the close up camera shots that never quite give us the full spectacle of the stunt. They might as well have used just CGI and it wouldn’t have made a difference, as we don’t get to really see the practical effects in their full glory, which was a shame. What this film does achieve is having a good element of horror. Not that there are crazy jump scares or really scary scenes, it’s more that throughout the movie there is a creepy-like tone used, adding to the horror element which I think really upped the film’s quality.

The film’s main problem is it’s script. The writing is very poor, and the film really suffers from it. There are also elements of humour thrown throughout the film, however most of the time when the film tried to be funny the jokes just felt awkward and out of place. However if you want a fairly harmless summer feature to go with your friends to see and shove popcorn in your face, then this film does it’s job. In terms of the Dark Universe though, I think Universal should probably consider attempting to reboot it again like with ‘Dracula Untold’, as this isn’t a strong start. Or maybe just drop the whole monsters cinematic universe as a whole? No? Oh, okay then.

Overall score: 5/10

TOP MOVIE QUOTE:  “ You can't run. You can't escape. She's got plans for you.”

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator: dark fate”, part one

In which I write two thousand words about the first two minutes, which is why it takes me four hours to watch a two-hour film.

The DVD says R rated for "Violence throughout". God I hope so.

3 dvd trailers just to get to the menu. thank goodness for fast forward. You can't skip them entirely, but you can skip to two seconds before they're over.

Also I can't help but note that one of the trailers is for Gemini Man, a movie about old!Will Smith battling a digitally de-aged!Will Smih, and I cannot help but admire the irony given how de-aginging software will be used in the film I am trying to see. Another trailer is for the Top Gun sequel. More irony.

the dvd menu is just the first thirty seconds of the theme with random movie clips, which just cuts out as soon as it gets good. not a fan.

grainy video footage of Sarah Connor from T2 with her v/o recounting her vision of nuclear holocaust to Silbermann AS THE COMPANY LOGOS FLASH ON SCREEN, this is (probably) not meant to be symbolic of the destructive influence of capitalism BUT OH MY GOD THE IRONY

Ocean waves on a beach, exposing a human skull. Then slow zoom out to reveal more bones. Old!Sarah narrates the story for those of us just tuning in. Terminators rising from the ocean while HK planes hover above. They see a little girl hiding beside a downed helicopter and aim at her--

--cut to the same (?) beach in Guatemala, 1998. Old!Sarah says "That future never happened because I stopped it," and we see her sitting by the beach in a bar, watching teenage John chat up a girl.

The CGI looks good here. John's face is fuzzy and at a distance, but it works in context, and t2-era!Sarah looks great. I wouldn't guess it was CGI if I didn't know it was CGI here. And this, my friends, is the future of filmmaking right here, and I have a lot of thoughts and feels about it, but that's a rant for another time. Let's just say that it's HIGHLY IRONIC that the people who basically invented Photoshop so they could make T2 are using this face-altering business on real actors, making them effectively shapeshifters just like the Terminators in this franchise. (Iirc, in T2, the CGI was used mainly for the shifting BETWEEN the faces of real actors--not on the actors themselves.)

And then young(er)!Arnold strolls in as John turns, and you can SEE him freeze as he RECOGNIZES the T-800, but doesn't have time to react--and the T-800 fires.

Sarah pulls a gun out of her pants and fires straight into his back. If she'd been facing in the other direction, she would have seen the T-800 and started firing right away, but she didn't. And I bet the T-800 deliberately set it up that way because he knew--whether Skynet told him or not--that Sarah was a threat.

She tries to grab the gun away from the T800 and it doesn't work. He pulls her head back and tosses her away. He could have killed her, but he doesn't. I don't know why. (PLOT!) Maybe because it's not his mission. Anyway, Sarah is like three feet away from her son, down on the ground, as he's shot in front of her. It's her worst nightmare come true, just when she thought everything was okay.

The scan from the T-800's perspective as he registers TARGET TERMINATED is pretty cool. And then he drops the gun and walks away, and Sarah is left with the dead body of her son.

"I saved three billion lives," Old!Sarah says, "but I couldn't save my son. A machine took him from me, and I was terminated."

WHAM.

CUT TO OPENING TITLE AND THEME.

Okay, so this is a controversial opening, and a lot of people hated it, but I am personally okay with it. Partially, it's because I am not emotionally attached to John Connor the same way I am attached to Sarah, or even Kyle. John Connor may be the savior of humanity in the Terminator mythos up until now, but he's also a macguffin in T1 (and arguably in T2 as well). He's not an independent agent, and his actions/decisions don't drive the plot in the same way that Sarah's do. John's story after a certain point in any timeline is very difficult to write well. Case in point: movies that are ostensibly about John Connor--T3 and Terminator: Salvation--are also the ones that "everybody" thinks are terrible, and Sarah is not present. I don’t think this is a coincidence.

People SAY they want a John Connor-centered movie, and maybe it's possible to do a better job that T3/Salvation/etc, but I think it would be very challenging--and I don't think it would be a Terminator movie at all. It would be a sci-fi action/horror featuring humanity vs. intelligent killer robots, but that's a different beast from a Terminator film--which is very much a commentary on contemporary human/machine interactions and therefore NEEDS an oblivious society as backdrop for its metaphors to work. A war movie in which the Terminators are no longer secret is... not as effective.

But anyway, put yourself in the writers' shoes and imagine you want to make another Terminator movie after T2. You want Sarah Connor to be in it. What do you do to make it new and different, while still working within the established formula? More to the point--remembering the unofficial motto of this franchise, after all--what do you do to make Sarah Connor suffer?

And the answer is exactly what the filmmakers did: they took away her son. They took away the REASON she was originally targeted for termination, the REASON her life was turned upside down, the REASON everybody she ever loved was murdered by killer robots from the future. They took away everything she'd worked for, and turned it to dust in an instant. And, you know, they killed YET ANOTHER PERSON she loved. Her last connection to Kyle, even.

(ngl, if I'd been writing this movie, I would have done the exact same thing FOR EXACTLY THOSE REASONS)

Also, can I just take a moment to point out how RARE it is that a male character dies to further a female character's story arc? This happens ALL THE GODDAMN TIME with male heroes and their wives/girlfriends/family members no one bats an eye, but kill off John Connor and suddenly everybody is pissed. I can't help but notice the double standard here.

Look, I know what it's like when someone kills off your favorite character. Really, I do. It sucks. It sucks a lot. (See: Avengers: Endgame and the Star Wars sequel trilogy.) But at the same time, I can't help but notice that a great deal of the people upset about John Connor's death are cishet white males--in many cases, the same people who in other contexts are fine with somebody (usually a woman) dying to "raise the stakes" and make the story "personal" and "dramatic" or even "realistic".

There are a lot of people who gushed  about The Last Jedi, calling it "subversive" and "brilliant" specifically for upending everything we knew about Luke and "making our old heroes fallible" (and therefore human). In the case of The Last Jedi, I can't help but notice that Luke's character--and Han and Leia's and everybody else in the movie--is shafted in favor of Kylo Ren, who is depicted as an attractive cishet white dude. I suspect this is not a coincidence.

I'm curious how much overlap there is between those who HATED Terminator: Dark Fate for killing off John, and those who LOVED TLJ, which has a similarly bleak premise and “subversion” of previous story beats. I wonder if the difference between the two films is that it doesn't matter to a lot of  cishet white dudes how screwed up everything else gets as long as the character they personally identify with the most/view as "the hero"--Kylo Ren--triumphs.

As far as I can tell, the attitude for some fans is that it’s fine if Sarah Connor suffers, but John is sacred and inviolate. He cannot be touched. He is essential, the lynchpin of the franchise, the one character who makes a Terminator movie work, the one around whom everything revolves. Without him, everything is pointless.

And I wonder if this is the same group who personally identifies with John--one, because they grew up with him, but two, because they look like him. I suspect a lot of people latched on to the idea of John Connor as the savior, because it meant--on some level--that THEY could also be the savior. And they are mad at having that character--and that promise--snatched away from them, and re-invest that energy in anyone else, let alone someone who looks different from them.

(AKA "It's all 'subverting expectations' and 'brilliance' until it's your self-insert/favorite character getting shafted," and then it gets ugly.)

Also, I note that John's death isn't heroic AT ALL. He dies in the exact same way the Terminator in T1 kills the other Sarah Connors. It's quick, efficient, and over in seconds. I suspect this hurts people more than if he'd died some other way. In a way, this scene is probably one of the most "realistic" in the entire movie. But I'm not sure people want "realism" in their movies, no matter how much they say they do.

(and does it say something about audience priorities that this kid getting shot at point-blank range is more upsetting and controversial than ALL OF THE OTHER DEATHS in this movie combined? Like, yes, I know  context matters, everybody else who dies in this movie is an adult (I think?), and we have a lot emotionally invested in John from previous movies, but... I mean, yes, I know, the background characters weren't framed as the saviors of humanity, but does that mean they don't also deserve empathy and respect and grief from us? And I can’t help but note that real-life children getting shot in a similar fashion doesn’t seem to engender the same amount of strong feelings on a massive scale, at least in the US.)  

Anyway, Sarah fails. Terribly. Irrevocably. In the only way that matters. She fails, and her son dies, and she falls right back down in the abyss she thought she'd managed to crawl out of. And I think that is also hard for a lot of people to watch, because we're so used to seeing her WIN through sheer grit, determination, and stubborness. We assumed she always would. But she can’t, not if there’s going to be another movie... 

(another other implication of Sarah's short-lived combat with the T-800 is that it doesn't matter how much of a badass she is, NO 100% HUMAN BEING can go head-to-head with a Terminator directly and WIN. If Sarah Connor can't do it, NOBODY ELSE COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER THAN SHE DID.)

(and also there's the realization that if Sarah hadn't destroyed the reprogrammed Terminator at the end of T2--the only being who COULD have saved John in that moment--her son might still be alive. That's gotta hurt.)

Anyway, we're two minutes in and I find this plot twist more compelling than 90% of the entire Star Wars sequel trilogy, and 100% more consistent in terms of previously established character arcs. Obvs. ymmv, but I think it goes back to the franchise's horror roots, where everybody except Sarah dies, and it also shows very clearly that we are entering a Very Dark Timeline as we shift to the title card.

I'm honestly impressed the writers had the chutzpah to go through with this and REALLY kill John for good. Though I also see why they didn't advertise it in the trailers....

Before I move on, I want to repeat what Sarah said at the end of this scene, because it’s so gut-wrenching for me: “A machine took him from me, and I was terminated."

I emphasize that last clause because this is how Sarah sees it. It’s not just John who died that day--she believes that SHE did, too. Ever since she was 19 years old, Sarah Connor’s life has been defined as “John Connor’s mother” and she’s built up her whole identity around keeping him alive no matter what. Now John is dead, and she... cannot be that person any more. So who, then, is she?

For better or worse, Sarah Connor is now a free agent. She is liberated both from her role in the future as the mythic mother figure, and any lingering obligations she has to patriarchy. From now on, there is no fate (for her, if not humanity) but what she makes for herself. It’s an awful, ironic twist, and I think it was a valid choice for the franchise to make. As long as John Connor is alive, everybody else will always be in his shadow--up to, and including, Sarah. 

Without him, we’re in new territory. Which will look a lot like the old territory because humans are sadly predictable, but different all the same.

[aion-rsa]

To Sing or Not to Sing in Disney Live-Action Remakes

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Since Disney began rolling out live-action adaptations of its animated classics in 2015, the past five years have seen roughly one new release per year, each one confronting the question of whether or not to attempt the musical numbers—arguably the most emblematic element—without the aid of animation and trained singers.

In the case of movies like 2020’s live-action Mulan, many directors have eschewed the earworm-y songs and complex musical set pieces altogether, with the argument that it’s simply too difficult to manage the tonal shifts from stories that have become a bit darker in translation with songs that are bright and palatable enough for young audiences. But even those movies that have taken direction from successful movie musicals have not always recaptured the magic of Disney musical numbers. Here, we analyze which movies were right to ditch the music, and which get points for trying.

A note on judging: I defined “musical numbers” as featuring singing and some form of choreography, so snippets of songs were out. I didn’t include any ending credits songs (a common factor among these adaptations) in my count since they’re audio-only. Each movie I ranked by High/Middle/Low Notes, which is by no means by any professional musical standards and should be pretty self-explanatory.

Cinderella (2015)

Musical Numbers: 0

Success: High Note

As the first live-action adaptation, there were of course questions of whether Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella would have its actors crooning “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” or CGI mice working along to “Cinderelly Cinderelly”—whimsical moments for the kiddos, but tougher to suspend disbelief for when it’s real people in front of the camera.

“I don’t know how to write that kind of thing really,” screenwriter Chris Weitz told Cinema Blend in 2015, “and I think that that’s something that, for me, it’s much easier to do that with an animated film. That’s why many of the Disney animated films are musicals. With live action, sort of getting into and out of those moments of song is really super tricky.”

Instead, Weitz and Branagh opted to score the iconic melodies—which are just as recognizable in instrumental form as sung—to key emotional moments. Lily James’ Cinderella also receives a new mantra: have courage and be kind. It’s a rough translation of the lyrics from “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes”: no matter how your heart is grieving / if you keep on believing / the dream that you wish will come true. But instead of it being a subconscious desire that gets solved while one snoozes, the mantra reminds the heroine to consciously hold strong to her faith in the goodness of other people, and she will eventually be rewarded for that belief.

The movie reflects this in how it recreates the fairy godmother’s (Helena Bonham Carter) “Bibbity Bobbity Boo” scene without the actual song (it plays over the credits) but maintaining the whimsy. Magic replaces music, and the movie does not suffer for the lack. (Let’s also not forget that Ever After, the beloved 1998 adaptation starring Drew Barrymore, didn’t need music to be affecting, either.)

Crucially, it is Ella’s singing that saves her: The king’s men are about to leave her home, having failed to make the glass slipper fit either of her stepsisters, when her voice comes drifting from the attic—thanks to the mice, who may not be able to sing, but who are still clever enough to open the latch on the window. Her crooning of the English folk song “Lavender’s Blue” (when I am king dilly-dilly / you shall be queen) alerts the men to her presence, and is how Kit identifies her even before the slipper meets her foot.

This Cinderella has to do (almost) everything herself, from helping out with chores even before she is forced to wait on her stepmother and stepsisters to charming the prince to securing her own freedom, and is the better for it.

The Jungle Book (2016)

Musical Numbers: 2

Success: Low Note

“What’s a song?” young Mowgli asks before one of The Jungle Book’s two main musical numbers. “You never heard a song before?” Baloo (Bill Murray) gasps. “Everyone’s got a song.” And then he jumps—both literally, as the CGI bear, and figuratively, for the actor—into “The Bare Necessities.” It’s not a skilled rendition by far, but compared to the uncanny auto-tuning in other entries, it actually sounds like him.

The same goes for “I Wanna Be Like You,” wherein Christopher Walken channels his best King Louie: It loses the hyperactive energy of the animated version, but it’s undeniably him doo-wopping his way through the song. Both numbers demonstrate how The Jungle Book ultimately succeeds over later film The Lion King (both directed by Jon Favreau): The CG animals at least resemble the people voicing them, so even though they’re imperfect, they’re still personal.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Musical Numbers: 10

Success: Middle Note

The only thing that saves Beauty and the Beast is “Gaston.” This adaptation beats the others in the musical numbers count, but almost all of them fall short of both the animated original and the Broadway musical. (The new numbers expound on the former, interestingly, with very little overlap with the latter.) This video essay from Sideways best illustrates the movie’s fatal flaw: Casting actors who are not singers as the leads. Emma Watson’s Belle has one of the most recognizable Disney “I Want” songs, and her voice is entirely flattened out by auto-tune. In songs like “Evermore,” where Dan Stevens is supposed to convince us that there’s still a man hidden beneath the Beast, he’s stripped of any longing.

The actors who are trained singers, like Audra McDonald as Madame de Garderobe, or who have proven themselves in movie musicals previously, like Ewan McGregor as Lumière, get too little screen time. “Be Our Guest,” charmingly mimicking the entire hospitality industry in its attempts to change with the times with clever new lyrics and dazzling CG animation, winds up feeling like a heartless attempt at copying the original’s magic. The best way I can sum up Beauty and the Beast’s music overall is that the opening prelude theme has more character than half the numbers.

Thank goodness, then, for “Gaston.” It arrives at the perfect point to perk up both its boorish antagonist (Luke Evans) and the audience. That’s mainly due to Le Fou (Josh Gad, bringing a mix of his Broadway experience and his goofy Olaf-from-Frozen charm) and the slyly meta details that he is literally paying everyone in that tavern to start singing Gaston’s praises. As Le Fou keeps surreptitiously tossing coins to ladies to sing over Gaston’s muscles, to men to dance around and mock-duel him, and to the chorus of patrons to keep generating new refrains, Gaston eventually is encouraged enough to take the lead and keep this drinking song-slash-tribute going on ad infinitum until Maurice (Kevin Kline) bursts in. Well, all good things must end.

Aladdin (2019)

Musical Numbers: 5

Success: High Note

Guy Ritchie’s adventurous adaptation is the most successful of the bunch, even though it too falls short of being entirely as convincing as one of the Genie’s schemes. The movie’s stubborn adherence to Robin Williams’ rendition of “Friend Like Me”—again, the Sideways video has more in-depth analysis—does a disservice to Will Smith, who unlike the other actors in this list does have the chops to take on this iconic role. It’s especially baffling that there is a different cover, with Smith in his element, playing over the credits that very much slaps.

It’s not as if Ritchie treated every element of the animated Aladdin as untouchable: “One Jump” gets recontextualized as Aladdin (Mena Massoud) touring Jasmine (Naomi Scott) through the city. As she tags along on his petty thievery, skilled sleight of hand, and ingenious misdirection, she gets to know the street rat better than any dialogue could have achieved. That number is shot a bit frenetically, which comes through in the spoken-word style of singing, but it’s still undeniably fun.

“Prince Ali” has this same gleeful energy, and gives the Genie a little more wiggle room. There’s a great “drop the beat” moment partway through that could have been ad libbed or could have been built in, but either way it’s completely unexpected. Several dance sequences conjure A Knight’s Tale in their anachronistic style but still strengthen the movie by showing just how much Genie can make people do his bidding in service to his master.

Alas, “A Whole New World” is entirely forgettable, and shot so dark that you miss all of the details that made the magic carpet ride such a thrill for the princess and for audiences. Ditto Jasmine’s “Speechless” number and its tragic refrain. If the Broadway adaptation taught us anything, it’s that you don’t mess with a good thing.

The Lion King (2019)

Musical Numbers: 7

Success: Low Note

Finally, the Disney movie that asks why anyone would think a remake is necessary. Without the aid of stunning animation, “Circle of Life” and “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King” fall short of the epic scale of their predecessors, so both early numbers are just underwhelming. Though Chiwetel Ejiofor is a great choice for the voice of Scar, it’s clear that director Favreau and collaborator Tim Rice did not know what to do with “Be Prepared.” Running into the same issue of tonal shifts, they adjusted it to be part spoken-word monologue, part song; but the number itself is so confused that one might get halfway through it before realizing where in the movie they’re supposed to be.

The CG-animated animals lose all character, and it’s incredibly uncanny to watch their mouths open and close without enunciating lyrics. Auto-tuning flattens out supporting characters like Seth Rogen’s Pumbaa, though somehow his and Timon’s (Billy Eichner) cover of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is still incredibly charming. And then there’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.”

Donald Glover (a.k.a. Childish Gambino) and Beyoncé Knowles were perfect casting for adult Simba and Nala, but the tracks they’re given to work with just don’t match the energy of the original. If you’re going to tone down every single song to either meet an untrained singer where they’re at or to match the other newly low-key numbers, then why have Beyoncé at all?

Elton John’s GQ interview around the film’s release better delves into all of what went wrong with the soundtrack, but even just this quote is pretty damning: “Music was so much a part of the original and the music in the current film didn’t have the same impact. The magic and joy were lost. […] I wish I’d been invited to the party more, but the creative vision for the film and its music was different this time around and I wasn’t really welcomed or treated with the same level of respect. That makes me extremely sad. I’m so happy that the right spirit for the music lives on with the Lion King stage musical.”

Mulan (2020)

Musical Numbers: 0

Success: Middle Note

Five years after Cinderella’s release, the live-action Mulan cycles back to its formula—doing away with all of the songs in favor of instrumental tracks—out of the same considerations of tone.

“It will not be traditional ‘break into musical’ [songs],” producer Jason Reed explained to Collider during a 2018 set visit. “They’re not going to stop their workouts to do a big musical number to camera. However, there are a number of songs that are iconic for the movie and tell a great version of the story and they are very helpful to us in how we’re putting the movie together. It gets a little easier in animation to keep the tension and the reality in place and still have people break into song and sing to camera. We made the decision that we wanted to keep the world—even though it’s a fantasy—more grounded, more realistic so those emotions really played and the threat is very real. So we are using music in a slightly different way.”

Unfortunately, Mulan tries to have its cake and eat it, too, when it comes to the animated film’s beloved soundtrack. A scene with Hua Jun and the other men at the training camp puts the lyrics to “A Girl Worth Fighting For” into their mouths as dialogue, except it comes out jarringly sing-songy. There’s a throwaway line about making them into men that should have just been dropped; it’s mister I’ll make a man out of you or it’s nothing. 

But the biggest misstep is with “Reflection”—which, to be clear, is transformed from humble “I want” song into epic instrumental strains backing sequences in which Mulan first disguises herself as Hua Jun, and then throws off her disguise to triumphantly ride back into battle to save her fellow soldiers. 

There’s just one big problem: Because Mulan never sings “Reflection” and articulates her ambivalence about the face staring back at her, it doesn’t actually mean anything to the plot of this movie when the refrain plays. That doesn’t stop it from tugging at the heartstrings, but that’s solely a chemical reaction based on music ingrained in our brains twenty-plus years ago. Having two covers of “Reflection”—Christina Aguilera recording a new version, and Liu singing the Mandarin version—play over the credits fills in those lyrics for anyone who doesn’t know them, but it’s retroactive.

Interestingly, Disney brought back Christina Aguilera to record a new number, no doubt trying to tap into audiences’ nostalgia for her rendition of “Reflection.” Personally I would have loved to see Lea Salonga return for “Loyal Brave and True,” but Disney was banking on its former Mouseketeer and pop star to further tie audiences to the original.

What Reed had wrong was that the animated Mulan did manage to balance the drama and grim reality of war with tension-breaking musical numbers. We need look no further than “A Girl Worth Fighting For,” the soldiers’ cheery, jibing ode to their rewards for victory, abruptly stopping short when they come across the burned-out village—a stark reminder that they are nowhere near the end of the war. Now, this live-action Mulan clearly wasn’t set up for that same tone-shifting, but it still tricks emotional resonance out of disconnected musical cues.

Mulan is available now on Disney+.

The post To Sing or Not to Sing in Disney Live-Action Remakes appeared first on Den of Geek.

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