thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.
the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)
there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.
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(Mostly Signed!! YA + Sanderson) books I own and am extremely willing to sell for cheaper than average listings bc I don’t want them anymore. a lot are hardcovers (heads up most are signed but some include personalization with my name sorry. if ur name is Ella congrats tho). All are very very good quality or like new bc I was delicate with my books when I was younger (prices are for the lot of every book described in a listing and all are negotiable!)
Six of crows & crooked kingdom (1st/1st) both signed - $90 + shipping
Shadow & bone (hc) and siege & storm (pb) both signed and original covers - $75 + shipping
divergent books, all signed with inscriptions - $100 + shipping
mistborn second gen (wax and wayne), bands of mourning is a signed 1st/1st, alloy of law is a used 1st/1st, shadows of self is a used 1st/1st. $150 + shipping SOLD
Alloy of law 1st/1st former library copy - $45 + shipping
Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson trilogy, firefight & calamity 1st eds hardcovers; steelheart just paperback. $35 + shipping SOLD
hardcover signed copies of first dragonsteel editions of legion and legion: skin deep by Sanderson, rare - $75 + shipping SOLD
Darkest minds trilogy + companion novel, first two books signed, all except first book hardcover - $80 + shipping
All of lunar chronicles and fairest signed; cress, winter, & fairest are hardcovers and 1st/1sts as well. Winter has an exclusive stamp. All include personalizations “To Ella” - $125 + shipping
heartless and renegades by meyer signed hardcover 1st/1sts with inscriptions - $50 + shipping
First five books & companion novel for throne of glass, all first ed hardbacks except the first one I believe. Queen of shadows is signed and has the empire of storms signature tour stamp, empire of storms is signed, and heir of fire has the empire of storms tour stamp. Lot is $500 + shipping, individual book prices vary. SOLD
First two acotar books with original covers, both hardbacks. Acotar is first printing. Acomaf is a special signed first edition/printing with a page insert declaring its special binding, first edition status, & signature. Together $250 + shipping SOLD
Literally the entire The Last Apprentice series by Joseph Delaney none are signed but I own all fucking thirteen and the companion book in original covers, mix of paperback & hardback - $100 + shipping
Grave mercy (paperback) & mortal heart (hardcover) both signed - $45 + shipping
The Entire selection trilogy & sequel trilogy all signed. Sequel trilogy are all hardbacks, original trilogy paperbacks. - $185 + shipping
Boys I loved before trilogy + summer I turned pretty, all signed except for always and forever Lara Jean. Mix of hardcover and paperback. - $100 + shipping
Anna and the French kiss trilogy, last two books are signed, all paperback and the colored cityscape covers - $50 + shipping
Everything everything by Nicola yoon signed paperback + sun is also a star signed hardcover - $95 + shipping
Unsigned lot of 5 rainbow Rowell books, four of which are hardbacks; carry on & landline are 1st/1sts - $95 + shipping
Ember in the ashes first three books by sabaa tahir, first two signed paperbacks; third one unsigned hardcover - $60 + shipping
Brandon Mull: signed hardcover holographic copy of the first beyonders book, all the fablehaven books (all paperback mix of new and old covers, but all are signed except book 5, and book 1 is double signed.), and signed hardcover first ed of dragonwatch - $110 + shipping
Not signed but I do own the entire Artemis fowl series minus the time paradox: $70 + shipping (mixed paper and hardback)
Daughter of smoke and bone trilogy by Laini Taylor all signed paperbacks in original covers - $125
Scythe & thunderhead, thunderhead is signed - $60 + shipping
Original pjo covers all paperback, the lightning thief and battle of the labyrinth are signed SOLD for $200
I also have pjo hardcover the ultimate guide with the holo cover and all of the trading cards like new and demigod diaries both 1st/1sts! - $60 + shipping
Heroes of Olympus series original covers, son of Neptune is signed. Last four books in the series are all hardcover 1st/1sts. - $125 + shipping SOLD
Pjo greek gods and Greek heroes hardcover. Heroes is signed by Rick and John Rocco, both first editions - $100 + shipping
Kane chronicle trilogy original covers, serpents shadow is 1st/1st hardcover, other 2 paperbacks - $40
Illuminae files trilogy first two books signed, all three books hardcover first editions - $200
Way of Kings signed hardback like new/unread - $100 + shipping
Hardcover signed copy of Oathbringer - $130 + shipping
Well of Ascension signed hardcover like new - $150 SOLD
Elantris signed no printing number - $150 SOLD
Warbreaker signed and inscribed w/ my name, former library copy - $95
Arcanum Unbounded signed hardcover first edition - $150 + shipping SOLD
Rhythm of War 1st/1st SOLD
Okay um there’s more but these r the main listings for now, see my reblog with the more comprehensive Sanderson listings if you are interested in his signed books (I have a lot!).
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WIP Wednesday ✍️
Tagged by @jesuisici33 . Thank you lovely ❤️
A continuation of the very first snippet I shared from The Lightning Amnesia Fic, which was also the very first thing I wrote for this fic as well. Now it’s at 28k and I’m close to finishing it 😳.
The rain has begun to pick up and Buck thinks briefly that during the rain of a lightning storm, his memories, his future with Eddie was wiped away so it’s only fitting that the rain is accompanying him to get that future back. He glances at the sky and is thankful that there is no lightning at play tonight. He’d still face the storm if there was. Nothing can keep him from the man who lives behind this front door.
He raises his hand to said front door and knocks, aware that it’s 11pm on a Tuesday and that Eddie is probably asleep. He waits for about a minute and then knocks again. There is so much nervous energy in his body that he starts bouncing on the balls of his feet, opting to knock again even though it’s been less than 30 seconds because fuck, he’s impatient. He remembers and he just needs to see Eddie right the fuck now.
The front light turns on, the door opens and Buck lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Eddie is standing there in his favourite pair of black sleep shorts and a white shirt. His eyes are still adjusting to the light, squinting at the brightness, his hair is tousled and Buck thinks he’s never looked more beautiful.
“Buck?” Eddie’s voice is low, and yeah, Buck definitely woke him up. “What are you doing here?”
There is so much Buck wants, needs, to say but right now there is only one thing on the tip of his tongue, clashing and clawing and wanting desperately to get out.
“I remember”
No pressure tagging: @callmenewbie @callaplums @captain-hen @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @exhuastedpigeon @eddiebabygirldiaz @eddiediaztho @fortheloveofbuddie @forthewolves @giddyupbuck @hippolotamus @honestlydarkprincess @lover-of-mine @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @rainbow-nerdss @spotsandsocks @thewolvesof1998 @try-set-me-on-fire @wikiangela @wildlife4life
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