#I don’t think reinhold has a tag

[dionysus-complex]

tagged in a thing by @rigidcactus, thanks for the tag!

Name: Rhys

Age: 28

Height: 5′10″

Where do you call home? California right now but I think of the southwestern US broadly as home.

Any tattoos or piercings? The La Dispute flower on my upper right arm, εὕρηκα in ancient Greek across my left forearm, plus a tiny tattoo on my chest that I always forget I have. For piercings, just pierced ears and I haven’t worn anything in them in years.

Last song you listened to? Digital Sea - Thrice

Last movie you watched? I think it was the new Spider-Man movie but that was over a month ago now, I don’t watch many movies I guess.

Last book or fanfic you read? Last book I finished was The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones. Currently reading I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness by Claire Vaye Watkins.

Do you collect anything? I mostly just collect books and concert tickets/posters and little memory tokens, and in theory I guess I collect musical instruments but (a) I don’t have the money to do it seriously and (b) most of the musical instruments I do own are currently in my parents’ basement two states away because I live in a tiny studio apartment.

Morning person or night owl? Former night owl, morning person since I started waking up early to teach a 5-day-a-week early morning Latin class in 2017 and then just never stopped.

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist? Optimist on a personal level, realist-to-pessimist on the scale of big societal issues.

A quote you live by? Extremely basic but lately it’s been Reinhold Niebuhr’s serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

Are you an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? Very very introvert.

Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes, but I’m still working out what exactly that means. I don’t believe in heaven or hell in the literal sense but I do think there’s some way we persist after we die, and recently I’ve been attracted to Christian process theology and the way that it describes the afterlife.

A weird or fun fact about yourself: My ribcage is totally, visibly asymmetrical!

If you could have coffee with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? While part of me wants to pick, like, writers I like or big historical figures, I think my first impulse is the scholar I’ve written about here before whom I think of as kind of my ‘academic grandfather.’ He taught at my current institution and unfortunately passed away from cancer at a young age well before I got here, but his work has been profoundly influential on the way I think and write and he taught my professor at my previous institution who nudged me toward coming here. I think it would be cool to just sit down for coffee with him and listen to him talk for a while.

Tagging my love @home-made-dynamite, @lingonberryjamistakenwhat, @radiosaturday, @amortaldothapproach, @algernon-charles-swinburne, and anybody who feels like doing it!

[thecursedhellblazer]

Bold What Applies: Ben Folds Five Edition

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies. (Disclaimer: some pronouns have been changed to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity)

The Sound of the Life of the Mind:

Erase me, so you don’t have to face me // You can never escape me // I don’t want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer

Ben Folds Five:

I want to be lonely // Mother don’t know that I’m going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I’m crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you ‘cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her/him home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There’s good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I’m sure you don’t remember me // I’m still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don’t want you hanging out with no one but me // As I’m growing older I’m bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can’t wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can’t respect me 'cause I’ve done so much for you // My intention’s become not to lose what I’ve won // I’m scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen:

I’m big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I’m your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I’m big // I can’t just get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you’ve seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before // It’s not me you’re dying for // You’re a brick and I’m drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not // Everyday I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it’s cool to be so bored // Nothing’s adding up and nothing’s making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It’s all smiles and business these days // I’m sure back home, they think I’ve lost my mind // Everything’s the same // I’m still here when I could be anywhere

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner:

Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // I know it seems that I don’t care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won’t be on this planet for very long // You’re the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded // I don’t believe in love // I’ve been thinking a lot today // I don’t blame you if you never come to see me here again // It’s my life and I can decorate it as I like

tagged by: @rapxir​ (( thank you! )) tagging: @paradiseturnedhell​ (Nick) @ithinkim-adorable​​ (Dean or Tony) @springtwirling​ (feel free to pick!) & whoever wants to steal it !

[misfits-of-zaun]

Bold What Applies: Ben Folds Five Edition

(Disclaimer: some pronouns have been changed to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity)

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Muse: Lou

Tagging: @zivah-the-courser @whatbecomesofprogress @rapxir @just--a--jinx and anyone else who wants to do it!

The Sound of the Life of the Mind:

Erase me, so you don’t have to face me // You can never escape me // I don’t want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer 

Ben Folds Five:

I want to be lonely // Mother don’t know that I’m going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I’m crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you ‘cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There’s good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I’m sure you don’t remember me // I’m still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don’t want you hanging out with no one but me // As I’m growing older I’m bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can’t wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can’t respect me 'cause I’ve done so much for you // My intention’s become not to lose what I’ve won // I’m scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen:

I’m big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I’m your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I’m big // I just can’t get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you’ve seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before // It’s not me you’re dying for // You’re a brick and I’m drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not // Everyday I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it’s cool to be so bored // Nothing’s adding up and nothing’s making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It’s all smiles and business these days // I’m sure back home, they think I’ve lost my mind // Everything’s the same // I’m still here when I could be anywhere 

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner:

Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // I know it seems that I don’t care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won’t be on this planet for very long // You’re the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded // I don’t believe in love // I’ve been thinking a lot today // I don’t blame you if you never come to see me here again // It’s my life and I can decorate it as I like

[irrfahrer]

Bold What Applies: Ben Folds Five

Disclaimer: I changed some pronouns to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity.

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by:The Force! Tagging: You!

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don't have to face me // You can never escape me // I don't want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don't know that I'm going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I'm crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you 'cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There's good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I'm sure you don't remember me // I'm still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don't want you hanging out with no one but me // As I'm growing older I'm bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can't wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can't respect me 'cause I've done so much for you // My intention's become not to lose what I've won // I'm scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen: I'm big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I'm your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I'm big // I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you've seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before // It's not me you're dying for // You’re a brick and I'm drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not // Everyday I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it's cool to be so bored // Nothing's adding up and nothing's making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It's all smiles and business these days // I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind // Everything's the same // I'm still here when I could be anywhere

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // know it seems that I don't care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long // You're the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded // I don't believe in love // I've been thinking a lot today // I don't blame you if you never come to see me here again // It's my life and I can decorate it as I like

[theflannelwizard]

Bold What Applies: Ben Folds Five

Disclaimer: I changed some pronouns to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity. 

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by: 

Tagging: 

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don't have to face me // You can never escape me // I don't want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer 

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don't know that I'm going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I'm crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you 'cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There's good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I'm sure you don't remember me // I'm still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don't want you hanging out with no one but me // As I'm growing older I'm bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can't wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can't respect me 'cause I've done so much for you // My intention's become not to lose what I've won // I'm scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen: I'm big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I'm your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I'm big // I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you've seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before // It's not me you're dying for // You’re a brick and I'm drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not // Everyday I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it's cool to be so bored // Nothing's adding up and nothing's making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It's all smiles and business these days // I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind // Everything's the same // I'm still here when I could be anywhere 

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // know it seems that I don't care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long // You're the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded // I don't believe in love // I've been thinking a lot today // I don't blame you if you never come to see me here again // It's my life and I can decorate it as I like

[cry-stars]

001 you know me I gotta ask for Clive/Flora :3

I was hoping you would... :D Thank you for indulging me, and I’m sorry for this essay ^^

when I started shipping it if I did:

Long story… I was playing through all of the PL games this spring for the first time in years, and found myself really liking Flora, far more than I’d ever liked her when playing the games as a kid. Then, when I got to UF, I found myself getting really attached to Clive as well. Not only did I love both characters, but I really liked their interactions; I’d been getting upset about how much Flora was left behind, and lo and behold, “Future Luke” tells Luke that Flora should be included on the adventure, and that she’s allowed to be excited, etc. 

Clive kept on sticking up for Flora, and they seemed to get along really well (not to mention all of the cute little moments they had together, like on the stairs to the Thames Arms), and I was getting really invested in their relationship. Then Clive went completely off the rails, and even though I knew this was coming, I honestly felt as upset and confused as Flora did. I wanted to hear his apology, and I wanted to see more out of a relationship that I felt had so much promise. 

my thoughts:

I absolutely love Clora; I haven’t been this excited about a ship in a long time. I adore both characters, and the similarities in their backgrounds are just perfect for writing about; they have so much to bond over. They have a really cute and wholesome dynamic in UF, before they really knew each other, and I love the idea of that continuing and developing into something deeper as they slowly get to know the real versions of each other. 

At first, Flora’s angry and confused, and Clive is lost in self-hate and regret; he’s just messed up so much already, and there’s no way that he can ever apologize correctly. But Flora just refuses to give up on getting the closure she needs, and just keeps on coming back until she gets it. They’ve got the perfect balance of in-game hints where the pairing isn’t pulled out of nowhere, and also open-endedness where there’s lots to explore as a writer. 

I think they’d definitely need a lot of time before ever starting a romantic relationship. While there were little hints at the ship in the game (I think), romance was the farthest thing from Clive’s mind at the time (I don’t think he’d ever been interested in anything of the kind before), and it was Flora’s first proper adventure. Their falling-out in the game really solidifies the fact that they need a lot of time to process things and get to know each other all over again. I’d want them to become good solid friends first before going anywhere near romance. After that, though... ugh, the mutual pining would be so good, ahhh...!

What makes me happy about them:

So much. I really love how on the surface, Flora is the “cute” one and Clive is the “prickly” one, but really, they aren’t that different. Flora has a lot of issues and a lot of pain in her past like Clive, and Clive also gets deeply attached to other people (especially his family) like Flora does. I think that they have so much potential to help each other open up and deal with the difficulties from their pasts, and support each other when the other is going through a rough time. And honestly, they’re just really adorable together. They’ve got such a nice mix of sweetness and angst, and I just love thinking and writing about them.

(Also they’re holding hands in one of the end credits scenes...! I so rarely ship anything with any canon evidence, so that, and all of Clive’s little “Don’t worry, Flora” comments in the game just make me really happy).

What makes me sad about them:

Hhh…. I just think that Clive messed things up SO bad. He messed up from the beginning. It’s not even just the kidnapping part; that could probably be (generously) explained by Clive suddenly deciding that he didn’t want Flora to get stomped by the Mobile Fortress (although he should have told her/just not used the Mobile Fortress, but okay). It’s that he was pretending to be “Future Luke” all along, and, due to Flora’s past of having people she cares about replaced by lookalikes (Dahlia replacing her mom, herself being replaced by Don Paolo (and Luke gleefully showing her the Flora mask on the train ride home!), and less traumatically, Don Paolo replacing the professor), I think that “Big Luke” suddenly turning into “Clive” would be really upsetting for her. 

Despite all of that, though, all Flora asked for was an apology--and then the two of them never get to talk again. I don’t know… I’m just sad that they seemed to get along so well before, and if Clive had been able to say sorry right then, maybe they could have parted on better terms than they did, just like Clive and the professor got to. Instead, we don’t get any apology or closure. Flora deserved an apology.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Ugh, SO many things. There’s about 100 stories with both characters tagged on ff.net, and I can only really recommend about ten of them. At best, it’s a generic “bad boy/good girl” dynamic, or Clive is suddenly super nice and Flora is incredibly ditzy, and at worst, Clive’s abusive. (please don’t read the earliest ff.net stories, no matter how desperate you get.) 

Admittedly, people are very critical of Clora at the best of times, so I feel like there’s a higher standard for it than there are for other pairings. I just feel like Flora often gets written as the “everygirl,” sort of as a reader-insert that gets to date Clive. Or, Clive is a total woobie who gets immediately forgiven by Flora with no resistance at all. Honestly though, as long as it’s obvious that someone is trying their best to keep them in-character and on equal footing, I would be happy to read anyone’s take on them. They are a difficult pair to write, I think, so I don’t expect anyone to get it perfect (since there really is no perfect way to write them).

things I look for in fanfic:

Ideally? Just like 10 Years. The slow burn, the hard work to earn forgiveness, the friendship, the attention to their similarities, the acknowledgement of both of their traumas… boy, I will never stop recommending that story. I’m so glad it exists; it’s given me so many ideas and it addresses all of the things that make me feel bad about the pairing. 

Outside of that fic… I just want acknowledgement of what Clive did wrong, him working to fix it, and them starting to understand each other and grow fond of each other. (Also… lots of angst and hurt/comfort, haha, but that’s me with every type of fanfic). Conversely, I’d like to just see them doing cute things together or going on an adventure without talking about the past constantly as well; once the apology is over, they don’t have to constantly return back to the past. I feel like Clora is a super good candidate for slow burn as well; I loved it in 10 Years and I’d love to see another take on it.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

Honestly no one… when I really like a ship, I can’t multiship without getting sad, haha… :’) 

My happily ever after for them:

I’ve got several different AUs for them, but for one of them, I’d like to see them get married and move to St. Mystere. They can work together and take over Bruno’s job of repairing the robot residents and take care of the village. They’d visit and be visited by the professor and the rest of the family frequently, but I think that they’d both be happier away from London. I think Clive interacting with the Reinholds would be really funny too, haha… I do have a longer story I still want to write too, though, so my ideas for a happy ending for them may change a lot as I write.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

It’s a 60-40 split, with Flora being the little spoon slightly more.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I think they try to learn how to be good cooks together. Flora was never good, obviously, but I think that Clive also only knows how to cook the basics (lazy rich kid). Once Clive starts living with the professor, though, he realizes that it’s pretty much going to be up to him to feed this family, because the professor forgets to cook, Flora’s bad at it, and Alfendi’s a baby. He starts to work at getting better, and Flora decides to practice more too, and they wind up competing with each other. They also use each other as test subjects for the food they want to give to the professor (it’s okay if they give each other food poisoning, but the professor? Perish the thought!) By the time Alfendi’s a little kid, they’re both half-decent, but still make fun of each other’s cooking, and Alfendi will pick a side with whoever he’s feeling more charitable towards at the time. 

They also have unscheduled midnight tea time at least once a week. Clive doesn’t sleep a lot, and Flora wakes up during the night quite often, so she often comes downstairs to find him pacing around, and makes a pot of tea. Sometimes she’ll go up again after having a cup, and sometimes they fall asleep on the couch together.

[dar-winning]

Ben Folds Five bold meme!!!

Disclaimer: I changed some pronouns to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity.

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by: @masami-yoshida

Tagging: Anyone who feels like it!! 

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don't have to face me // You can never escape me ((Darwin can be pretty clingy.))// I don't want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else ((@Gumball)) // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don't know that I'm going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I'm crazy but I get the job done ((Gumball’s more the crazy one but he does tend to go along with him.)) // I pushed you 'cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes ((this is a CHILD)) // I feel guilty for not giving a shit ((He actually cares too much.)) // I’d like to tell you everything ((@Gumball)) // It doesn’t seem the same these days ((Depends on the verse)) // I could settle down // There's good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I'm sure you don't remember me // I'm still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see ((I think he does mask his sadness sometimes.)) // Time to go fool somebody else // Don't want you hanging out with no one but me ((Big Darwin mood, abandonment issues suck.)) // As I'm growing older I'm bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can't wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can't respect me 'cause I've done so much for you ((I don’t think that’s true, but Darwin may feel that way sometimes.))// My intention's become not to lose what I've won // I'm scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can.

Whatever and Ever Amen: I'm big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I'm your nightmare, little man // You will be sorry when I'm big  // I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me ((Again, hello abandonment issues))// God knows you've seen my worst ((@Gumball)) // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before  // It's not me you're dying for  // You’re a brick and I'm drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back  // I said what you wanted to hear  // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not ((@Carrie)) // Every day I wear the same thing  ((Literally)) // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it's cool to be so bored // Nothing's adding up and nothing's making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old  // I walked barefoot down the road ((Darwin doesn’t take his shoes off.))// Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? ((Less so than Gumball, but sometimes.)) // It's all smiles and business these days // I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind // Everything's the same // I'm still here when I could be anywhere

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // I know it seems that I don't care ((Again, he cares too much)) // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long // You're the reason I want to stay ((@his family)) // I never understand these things I feel ((He usually does understand his feelings, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling them.)) // My innocence has all but faded  // I don't believe in love // I've been thinking a lot today // I don't blame you if you never come to see me here again // It's my life and I can decorate it as I like

[tuesdayscanons]

Bold What Applies: Ben Folds Five

Disclaimer: I changed some pronouns to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity. 

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by: @calvinsmuses

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this!

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don’t have to face me // You can never escape me // I don’t want this thing to end // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer 

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don’t know that I’m going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I’m crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you ‘cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There’s good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I’m sure you don’t remember me // I’m still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don’t want you hanging out with no one but me // As I’m growing older I’m bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can’t wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can’t respect me 'cause I’ve done so much for you // My intention’s become not to lose what I’ve won // I’m scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // know it seems that I don’t care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won’t be on this planet for very long // You’re the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded // I don’t believe in love // I’ve been thinking a lot today // I don’t blame you if you never come to see me here again // It’s my life and I can decorate it as I like

Whatever and Ever Amen: I’m big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I’m your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I’m big // I just can’t get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you’ve seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before // It’s not me you’re dying for // You’re a brick and I’m drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not // Everyday I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it’s cool to be so bored // Nothing’s adding up and nothing’s making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It’s all smiles and business these days // I’m sure back home, they think I’ve lost my mind // Everything’s the same // I’m still here when I could be anywhere 

[blue-cat-blues]

Ben Folds Five bold meme

Disclaimer: I changed some pronouns to I/me/my or you/yours for the sake of consistency and clarity.

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by: @calvinsmuses

Tagging: whoever

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don't have to face me // You can never escape me // I don't want this thing to end  // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else // I missed you then and I miss you now // I want a different answer

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don't know that I'm going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I'm crazy but I get the job done // I pushed you 'cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything ((depends on the verse))// It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down ((Not possible)) // There's good in nearly everyone ((Nearly, being the operative word here.)) // I was never cool in school // I'm sure you don't remember me // I'm still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see // Time to go fool somebody else // Don't want you hanging out with no one but me // As I'm growing older I'm bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can't wait 'til the future gets here (true, but he also loves the present) // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can't respect me 'cause I've done so much for you // My intention's become not to lose what I've won // I'm scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen: I'm big and important ((He switches between “I am the greatest” and “I am the worst imo.))// Kiss my ass goodbye // I'm your nightmare little man // You will be sorry when I'm big // I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you've seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before  ((Nah, he very much loves Penny) // It's not me you're dying for // You’re a brick and I'm drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear ((He’s more the brutal honesty type.))  // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not  // Every day I wear the same thing  ((Literally)) // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it's cool to be so bored // Nothing's adding up and nothing's making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old  // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It's all smiles and business these days // I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind // Everything's the same // I'm still here when I could be anywhere

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // I know it seems that I don't care  // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long // You're the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel// My innocence has all but faded // I don't believe in love // I've been thinking a lot today // I don't blame you if you never come to see me here again // It's my life and I can decorate it as I like

[gamblealifearchived1]

Ben Folds Five bold meme!!!

Rules: bold what always applies to your muse, italicize what applies sometimes or partially, and strike out what never applies.

Tagged by: @masami-yoshida​​ ( thank you!! ) 

Tagging: Steal from me. c’: 

The Sound of the Life of the Mind: Erase me, so you don't have to face me // You can never escape me // I don't want this thing to end  // I stay at school so that I can hear the sound of the life of the mind  // I had it all, or should I say I saw it all? // Home for me was always someone else  // I missed you then and I miss you now ( mainly about Steve ) // I want a different answer

Ben Folds Five: I want to be lonely // Mother don't know that I'm going far away // Go ahead, you can laugh all you want // I got my philosophy // I see that there is evil and I know that there is good // I'm crazy but I get the job done  // I pushed you 'cause I loved you guys // Got drunk and took her home and we slept in our clothes // I feel guilty for not giving a shit // I’d like to tell you everything  // It doesn’t seem the same these days // I could settle down // There's good in nearly everyone // I was never cool in school // I'm sure you don't remember me // I'm still wondering who to be // I got this pain in my heart // I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest so I can be for you what you want to see  // Time to go fool somebody else // Don't want you hanging out with no one but me  // As I'm growing older I'm bored // I remember when misery thrilled me much more // I can't wait 'til the future gets here // If you really loved me, I wouldn’t have to be so mean // You can't respect me 'cause I've done so much for you // My intention's become not to lose what I've won // I'm scared and lonely and tired // Sometimes I punch myself as hard as I can

Whatever and Ever Amen: I'm big and important // Kiss my ass goodbye // I'm your nightmare, little man // You will be sorry when I'm big  // I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me // God knows you've seen my worst // I’m lonely and I’m right // I am numb //  Now that I have found someone, I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before  // It's not me you're dying for  // You’re a brick and I'm drowning slowly // I broke down ‘cause I was tired of lying // I want my money back // I said what you wanted to hear  ( - this mostly applies to run ins with other families;; ) // You’re everything I want, you’re everything I’m not  // Every day I wear the same thing // In a stupor from the drugs that didn’t ease the pain // I’ve charmed everyone here // I know it's cool to be so bored // Nothing's adding up and nothing's making sense // Woke up way too late feeling hung over and old  // I walked barefoot down the road // Here I stand sad and free // Oh, God, what have I done? // It's all smiles and business these days // I'm sure back home, they think I've lost my mind // Everything's the same // I'm still here when I could be anywhere

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner: Nothing hurts when I go to sleep // I know it seems that I don't care // Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long // You're the reason I want to stay // I never understand these things I feel // My innocence has all but faded  // I don't believe in love // I've been thinking a lot today // I don't blame you if you never come to see me here again // It's my life and I can decorate it as I like

[hollenka99]

The Doctor

Summary: Henrik finds himself the doctor of a household full of people who look a lot like him.

Warnings: Death mention, gore, possession, kidnapping, medical procedures

Well, it’s only been 7 months since I posted The Magician. I think it’s high time I updated this au, don’t you?

@egopocalypse

Peter's death consumes Dr Schneeplestein's mind as he cycles home. He'll have to look his wife in the eye and explain to her that their accountant was gone. She'll probably be mad. He doesn't want her to be mad. He wants her to be empathetic. Peter was more than his accountant, he was his friend as well. And their children, he's sure they have children, they are likely to bother him with trivial things like homework. Who cares about what they did at school today? He is going to lock himself in the spare bedroom for the rest of the evening. He needs the time alone. Distracted by these thoughts, he takes the wrong path which inevitably directs him to a house he knows is not his own. Well, that's just great. He's gotten himself lost. This is the last thing he needs right now. Best to ask the residents if they could send him back on his way. God knows he doesn't want to be aimlessly pedalling around for ages. A man immediately speaks over his shoulder upon taking one look at him. "Jack, I think Sean's posted the video." The one he guesses is Jack emerges. "Fantastic. Hey, buddy, I'm Jack. And this is Marvin. Come on inside." "I just wanted to go home." The smile falters. "Oh, sure. Didn't realise you lived somewhere else. How about you stay here for a minute first? We can sort everything out." He needed their help so... fine. If they insisted. "Please do not be long." It is brief, as the two strangers had promised. The three of them discuss the situation. Jack maintained a YouTube channel with his friend Sean. The videos from the channel enabled Sean's ability to bring the characters he played to life. The community surrounding the channel played their part in all of it too, yet it was Sean who usually lay the foundation. That sounded reasonable. Marvin, it appeared, was capable of performing magic. Quite fond of plants as well. While as welcoming as Jack, there was an off-putting air about the magician. Not judgemental as such but... well, Schneeplestein couldn't quite work it out. It didn't matter. Marvin was friendly enough. The young superhero is inappropriately loud as he enters. They were having a conversation and this kid just bursts in. Jackie, which was apparently the hero's name, comes across as friendly once he realises his mistake. Schneeplestein interrupts him as he rambles about a recent sighting. Yes, there is a house not too far from here. The doctor should know, it is his. Jackie is tasked with directing him home. As they walk, Jackie proves to be talkative. He makes up for Schneeplestein's lack of contribution by filling the silence. It would seem the doctor was made in response to Jackie nearly dying from exsanguination. That was... interesting. When asked more about his family, he realises he doesn't know. He can't even tell him what his children's names are. He can't remember. Why can't he remember their names?! They are his children! His wife! This must have been reported back as Jack asks to meet up the next morning. The doctor happily accepts. The talk leads to working out what his name was. He had to be more than Dr Schneeplestein. One of Jack's suggestions is Leo. It triggers a reaction within him. With some thought, the doctor comes to the name of Leonie. Memories of meeting a French woman with bushy curls flood in. The way she smiled as she accepted the offer for coffee. Her pleasant shock as he presented her with a ring. The beautiful elegance of the dress that had exceeded his expectations. Completely missing her hints until she swore in her native language before slamming a positive test into his hands. Seeing her face light up as she dragged him towards their son so he could witness clumsy steps. Coming into the living room on Mother's Day, only to find two of them sleepily snuggling on the sofa with her while she was pregnant with the third. Jack is delighted with this burst of recollection. It means it's working. They carry on with the list of male names. Hugo, Gunter, Patrik… even Reinhold. Nothing. No reaction from deep within himself is mustered. He's not Siegfried von Schneeplestein either. Eventually, Heinrich is brought up. Heinrich. Yes, that sounded right. Yet not. But they were on the right path. Heinz? No, which is good because he doesn't want to share his name with a tinned food company. The 'rich' part certainly resonated with him. Rick, Richard? Well, even if he was a Rick, who wants to share his name with the man his wife was potentially seeing behind his back? No, it was a variant of Heinrich for sure. After so many years of being taught to analyse, it seems to have backfired. He was thinking too much into this. Just drop the 'i' and switch the 'ch' with a 'k'. Henrik, his name was Henrik. Of course it was. How on earth could he have forgotten that? In response to Henrik revealing this to Jack, his soon-to-be friend bursts into a grin and offers his hand. As they shake hands, Jack declares it is nice to meet him. This was the second successful breakthrough for them. Both he and his wife had more solid identities. Now all that was left were his children. He later checks the same website Jack had used. From there, he can scan names and possibly ease the confusion. He feels like German names were the best starting point. He'd check out French names if he still had an identity missing. Things soon slot into place. First, there was Elias. He was nine now. An avid reader, he had an inexplicable interest for birds. He was in his element whenever he was exploring the great outdoors. Oh yes, that had certainly caused issues when he was younger and still yet to grasp the concept of not bringing nature inside with him. After him came Heidi, his five year old sister. It would seem she was beginning to show signs of a budding artist. He remembers the birthday where crayons were treated as if they were lottery winnings. In the sense it was a life changing possession. It wasn't long before that pack had been eroded by paper. And little Alina, the youngest at four years old. She was somehow was in possession of as much energy as the sun could produce. If she wasn't playing tag with her siblings, she was rifling through a dress up box or singing as loudly as she was able. Then there was her habit of tugging desperately at the hand holding hers in order to race across the street and greet the dog she'd spotted. Now that they are becoming closer, Jack asks for a favour. He understands Henrik is a busy man, what with being a doctor and all, but if he could spare a few minutes to check on a friend, Jack would greatly appreciate it. They've never had a medical professional they could send this ego to. Sure, Henrik nods, he'll do his best to fit him in. Angus astounds him. Nothing really seems to fit a diagnosis. While his symptoms may partially match certain ailments, there were always other symptoms related to those conditions that disproved Angus was suffering from said condition. His initial hypothesis had been chronic fatigue syndrome when he'd first heard about the daily lack of energy. However, symptoms of CFS included enlarged lymph nodes (Angus' were fine), joint pain without swelling (no such pain, swelling or not) and headaches (nope). He wasn't about to force a diagnosis on someone whose symptoms half fit. Angus was a medical enigma. Angus' condition was simply Angus' condition, it seemed. Henrik hates to disappoint Jack, as well as the others, but nothing particularly made sense. October proceeds fairly calmly. There are patients to care for at work and children to keep an eye on at home. On top of all that, Jackie and Marvin's burgeoning friendship caused them to train together. With Marvin's developing magic and Jackie's newfound superpowers, those training sessions added up to a few safety risks. Henrik supervised them in case of injuries whenever he had the time. Most of October is calm. It kind of falls at the last hurdle. Marvin pounds at his front door minutes after he returns from trick-or-treating. He is immediately rushed to the egos' home. Marvin hasn't been communicating the issue clearly. That is why he is shocked to learn of what had happened that evening. Jack had been recording a video where he carved a pumpkin. Simple enough. Until he slit his own throat. Okay, he had this. It was just a simple case of reconnecting any blood vessels and muscles needed before suturing the wound. Saving a man who had already bled out was so simple. So easy. At least it was only Jack's veins that were damaged. Internal jugular and interior thyroid, if he's not mistaken. Henrik works diligently. If anything, Jack deserves to be fixed before they- No, he is not losing another one. He'll pull a miracle out of his ass if he has to. Somehow, he does. Jack stabilises. He appears to recover faster than expected. Henrik can relax slightly and stop stressing about his friend's health. He would much rather focus on mundane things like whether Heidi would prefer her birthday cake to look like a hedgehog or caterpillar. If Henrik can put this whole ordeal behind him, that would be great. The situation complicates. He is home when Sean visits Jack, triggering an argument between the two. This in turn seems to have caused Jackie to wander off in an attempt to get away from it. And now the sixteen year old boy was missing. He can alert the police if they want. Otherwise, he's not sure how much help he can be. However, if they did find Jackie, please don't hesitate to tell him. He would need to check if he suffered any injuries while outside the safety of their home. The day marking 10 years since he married Leonie came around. He gets paged, meaning their celebratory meal out will have to be cancelled. Yes, he knows they've been planning this for months. 10 years, yep, there's no need to remind him. What did she expect him to do, not go to-? Oh, there she goes pulling the work card. She had a degree so why was he to blame for her not putting it to good use? It wasn't like he told her to go into a unpredictable field like interpreting. Maybe they would be happier if weren't living together? Ha! If they separated, she'd struggle to support herself and three children. They both knew that. Whatever, he had to go. Happy anniversary. He finds some reprieve in early December. A child's excitement to find St Nicholas has left chocolate coins in their shoes will never get old. Another added benefit to St Nicholas' Day is how diligently the girls clean their rooms in preparation. Elias is beginning to get to an age where the existence of Santa is being doubted. Nevertheless, he goes along with the tradition with as much anticipation as his sisters. It also causes him to take lead of the cleaning campaign which, again, saves Henrik or Leonie from further encouragement to get the house ready for the nightly visitor. Marvin brings home a cat in February. On a day where Leonie's schedule is packed but his is not, he takes the children to visit his friends. At times he has to encourage them to be gentle and approach Bastet carefully. She was a former stray after all and not entirely used to having a permanent home. Either way, the three of them adore the new addition. And Henrik himself had to admit she was a pretty girl. Things change in April when a young man arrives on his table. The patient had been brought in after sustaining a gun shot wound to the head, an apparent suicide attempt. The surgery is long and tough. There had to be a great deal of delicate precision to ensure minimal damage. Yet, in the end, it proves successful. He couldn't be more relieved. Henrik checks up on the patient after he regains consciousness. It doesn't escape his notice that Mr Brody bares resemblance to him and the rest of the egos. While conversing with him, he learns Brody has nowhere to go once he's released. Henrik leaves him an address which may help him. Breaking as little patient confidentiality as he can, he lets Jack know a visitor may arrive in the near future. It's surprises Brody when Henrik sees to him in his private clinic. Well, what can Henrik say? He's somewhat of the egos' personal doctor. Chase is a part of the group as much as the rest of them. Hence, Henrik was now in charge of overseeing Chase's wellbeing as well. The left arm worries him. While the rest of the brain seems unaffected by the incident, the site of the injury certainly wasn't left unscathed. With part of his premotor cortex damaged, it would appear the function in his left arm had become impaired. Physical therapy is recommended. The two men speak more often with the conversations turning less formal. He discovers the two of them have some things in common. They were both fathers with daughters the same age. In fact, Alina tells him all about her new friend Willow who'd recently joined her year group. Chase was going through a divorce and Henrik can certainly relate to being part of an imperfect marriage. They'd even become fathers and husbands at similar ages. Henrik's really starting to like Chase. He doesn't approve of the way he conducts himself at times but he's generally a good guy. He would say he's someone to grab a beer with. However, Chase's forming issues with alcohol were not something Henrik wished to endorse. Jack approaches him in June. Oh, he's returned to learning to German while the rest of the house slept? Jack didn't have to do that for him. Honestly, he is flattered. No, not flattered. Something stronger than flattered like... like moved. Jack secretly putting the effort in to surprise him had been moving. Still, there is some more practice required in terms of becoming fluent in the language. He and Jack aid each other in improving their linguistic skills in the others' native tongue. Jacques' arrival allows Henrik to strengthen his multilingualism even more. Now he could converse with Jack in German and Jacques in French. Everyone else, of course, spoke English around him, whether at work or in public. He wasn't complaining. Henrik did live in an English speaking country, after all. Once the artist settled in a little, perhaps he should invite him for dinner. Leonie would probably enjoy having someone else who was native to her own home country. He's quietly working in his own lab when Jack stumbles through the door. His friend barely gets a syllable out before gagging. Immediately, Henrik begins gathering observational evidence in an effort to diagnose. Gagging, especially when pairing with covering the mouth, indicated nausea. So that's already one symptom he can work with. Yes, he can work this out. He can help. For Jack, for his dear friend. He can't work it out. None of the symptoms seem to tell him anything. Deep vein thrombosis, blood clots and pulmonary embolism shared a connection. Chronic stress and nervous breakdown were closely linked to each other. The same went for Parkinson's disease and Dementia. But all of them together? No! It made no sense. What made it more difficult was the knowledge of Anti's presence. He lurks in the shadows. It began with his eye being itchy. Henrik hates the supposedly random sensation of pin and needles across his body. He keeps having lapses in attention. They likely only last a second but he can't afford to lose the time. Especially with it feeling warmer than it should in here. His arm plays up but he blames it on mood swings. He changes tactics, treating Jack as if he were in an emergency room. The momentary losses in focus occur more frequently now. But he won't give up. He almost lost Jack before, he refuses to lose him again. Even as his system begin to fail. No no no. Once one goes down, they all go down. He has to succeed. The buzz of staticky air grows. The demon is circling closer but he's not completely here yet. Henrik still has a chance. That is the hope, at least. It doesn't fully register when he giggles over the soon-to-be corpse. Over the patient. Over Jack. He is weak as he begs like the sad little puppet he is. No, he needs to buy himself more time. Where are the A̸͟ń͜t̡͞į-depressants? Antidepressants. He needs to depress Anti somehow. And why the hell was he wrapping a cord around his throat? He should n't try that again. He needs to find the an͠ti̡͘̕c̷͝ǫ͏͢a͡gu͡l҉á͡n̷ts̵. Anticoagulants. Stop it. Please. No. Nothing he does is helping. In the distance, he is given the privilege of hearing the magical assault on the door. Yes, please, for the love of god, help him. Help Jack too. ...Jack? No! No, Jack was his friend. He can't be dead. Open the door already. Come in and help save Jack. Come in and see the Bad Doctor who failed all his friends. But you'd better hurry up. The patient has no pulse and the doctor... Well, the doctor has places to be. Henrik's head spins upon being released. He thinks he cries that first night. Not because he's found himself with Anti indefinitely. Henrik has far more than a few choice words he'd like to direct to that demon. It's not that. It's the thought of his family, his friends, all those he loved. The egos will know what happened. They know full well he's with Anti now. Who else could have kidnapped him in a haze of static? But somebody's going to have to tell Leonie he's not coming home. And, in turn, she's going to have to tell the children. Henrik can't imagine how horrible that will be. Oh, and it's August, isn't it? No, no, no. Alina's birthday is just around the corner. He was going to head into town and buy her that cuddly tiger she kept going on about recently. He'd been so looking forward to seeing her face light up as she tore the paper and realised what it was. And now he- now he wasn't going to. Now he wouldn't see his loved ones for a long time. If ever. Please don't let it come to that. Anti has only ever had one known prisoner before. Said prisoner was taken 9 months ago. Well, at least Henrik knows he'll probably be here for a minimum of 9 months. He wonders if Jackie is still here. He hopes not. God forbid that boy is still suffering by Anti's hand. The most prominent way Anti welcomes him to imprisonment is confiscating his glasses. "Well, you won't need them.", he states. Hence why they were promptly destroyed into deformed plastic and glass shards. He tries not to fret about it. He's left in the darkness more often than not. Time blurs. The light is off. The light is on. Anti is there. Anti is somewhere else. He's aware of how long a human can typically go without food and water. So, it would seem, does his captor. When he least expects it, a figure stands in the hallway. The lights are flicked on to reveal an ego. As Henrik's eyes adjust, he takes in more of the visitor's details. Unhealthily thin, grinning in an unnatural manner and holding a hand firmly against his stomach. He is too young to be past his teen years. Without a doubt, this is Jackie. "Happy birthday, doctor. I thought it would be fun to redeem yourself. You do want to redeem yourself, don't you? You couldn't save Jack. Maybe you can save this one." A beat hasn't passed when the hand evacuated its present position, exposing the damage done. The inner contents are left subject to gravity. Anti laughs at Henrik's horror. With Anti relinquishing control, the emptied body returns to the state of a cadaver. Jackie just collapses on the spot. Henrik has no choice but to get to work immediately. During the procedure, Anti periodically uses Jackie as a receptacle. He giggles and taunts him as soon as the doctor is able to focus on what he is doing. Henrik struggles to ignore him. Tears threaten occasionally. He blinks them away. He has no time for them. He has a patient in front of him. He has to focus on that. Allowing his thoughts to stray from that will distract him too much. He can't spend a single second reflecting on how the patient may have gotten into this condition. He desperately hopes Jackie was dead before the first incision was made. It would too sickening to imagine enduring that while awake. Probably without anything to reduce the pain. But no, this is a cadaver. It may have been Jackie once. Not anymore. All he can do is restore the body to a more respectful condition. If he ever sees the others again, he doesn't know how he will be able to answer their questions about Jackie. God knows what Anti will do to the body after he is done operating. If Anti was in a solid form right now, Henrik might turn his instruments on him. Still, he eventually succeeds in replacing the organs. The heart does not beat. Nor do the lungs expand with breath. At least Jackie is whole again. Given the chance, Henrik would provide him with a respectful burial. Knowing Anti, he will likely discard the body with as much consideration as he would a crisp packet. Alone once more, Henrik is helpless to prevent the tide. The only blessing is Anti taking his frustrations out on him soon after. Apparently, Jackie had escaped. Henrik cannot conceive of a way someone who was dead yesterday could achieve that feat. Either way, the miracle gives him hope. He smiles to himself once his captor leaves him. If he is the single target of the glitch's aggression, he'll happily fulfil that role. So long as it keeps him from hunting for fresh blood. Especially Jackie. That boy has suffered enough. He deserves to keep his freedom. Anti comes to his room with a syringe. He claims he is only looking out for Henrik's immune system. Bullshit. If he really cared, he'd provide, at the very least, a decent diet. God knows what the syringe contained. Henrik isn't even sure how much managed to get through in the end. It was a flurry of limbs before the needle inevitably found its way to his arm. It is practically forgotten about by the time he has reason to remember. With the weariness and fever, he's convinced it's the flu. Lights irritate him now too. However, once the rash appears, he knows it's not so simple. He updates his diagnosis. Measles. Why on earth did Anti feel compelled to infect him with that disease? To prove he can? Well, congratulations, he's sick. He hopes Anti is proud of his achievement. Anti delivers a patient for him to work on. It is likely someone off the street. And despite Henrik's own poor health, he was expected to operate on them. An experiment, Anti says. Henrik's life's work was based on science. Well, who said Anti couldn't conduct some science of his own? Every now and again, Anti would bring some poor soul to 'repair'. Almost always it would be Anti who had caused the damage. It would also be during the times the doctor had artificially been made sick. He thinks Anti revelled in watching him struggle to fight his own symptoms to be professional. Not to mention the possible hope he'd unintentionally cause infected wounds. Anti loved to 'ensure it wouldn't happen again'. Like the demon cared about those people's health. He simply wanted an excuse to physically punish him for misdemeanours. Another time, he burns as he shivers. His muscles wish to give up on him due to the pain and fatigue. He is unable to pin a specific diagnosis. He knows better than to wonder if it is influenza. Anti wouldn't bother with something so trivial. Henrik is unsure what his current illness is until mosquitos are mentioned. Oh, okay. So it's like that, huh. He suffers several repercussions thanks to the malaria. Surprisingly, being severely ill takes a lot out of you. Trust Anti to bastardize Christmas. With December approaching, it is once again time for Saint Nicholas to pay his children a visit. Anti promises to leave them his own type of gift. Henrik is half aware as he trespasses on his own property. In the living room, he is caught while leaving his message. The second Henrik recognises Alina, his heart yearns to have control long enough to touch her. What he would give to cuddle her and promise he'll be home again, as himself, one day. Hopefully soon. However, that was impossible with Anti's presence. The demon delights in her discovery. He dirties her shoes to encourage tears. She is too enthralled by the sight of her Papa to react the way he wants. Despite not having horns, Anti claims to be Krampus. Their family didn't even incorporate that figure into their celebrations. Henrik could never recall which companion St Nicholas travelled with when he was younger so their home did without the extension of the tradition. He and Leonie usually just based how much chocolate they gave the children on how much effort they put into the preparations. If you're going to ruin the holiday for the fun of it, at least show the culture enough respect to ruin it properly. Anti feels the height of winter is the perfect time to conduct another test. He abandons Henrik in the room naturally closest to freezing. His shivers gradually shift to confusion and reduced motor skills. He has a delayed reaction to his captor approaching. He claims to be here to warm him, directing to a bath. There is a high probability that the water is a decent temperature by regular standards. That does not stop him from having to silence himself and not cry out. He attempts to avoid the water. His lack of control when it came to his limbs causes him to struggle with that. The process is repeated with varying alterations to the conditions. Anti is happy when he observes him remove his shirt without full awareness of the consequences. Also, was it him or was the water getting more scalding with every trip? Anti unexpectedly drags him to his feet one day. He's being taken somewhere. Where, he has no clue. Anti wouldn't tell him and he's aware it's best if he doesn't ask questions. In front of a house, he is dumped to the ground. The one who has made his life a misery for the past several months shrugs. "I've got a better deal. Why would I waste my time you anymore?" With that, Anti leaves, granting Henrik the chance to get a better look at the house he's been abandoned outside of. Wasn't this the egos' home? Yes, it was! This was his last known location before being kidnapped. Through that door were all his friends. Some 10 minutes walk from here was his family. He'll be able to see them all again. He's... free. At least, he hopes he is. This could all be some cruel trick. However, he'll fall for it if there is even a chance of briefly see his loved ones. A man in a blue vest answers the door. Looks like Sean has been creating again. Marvin and Chase both startle at the sight of him. They are eager to assure him they tried to save him back in August. He's aware and thanks them for their efforts. Jackie instead descends into hysterics. It's understandable. The last time they'd seen each other, Jackie had been dead. When things calm down a little, he is introduced to Robbie, Shawn and Jameson. He learns of Dr Jacksepticeye's existence but honestly, that is the least of his concerns. He needs to see how Jack is doing. He's seen plenty of people unconscious in hospital beds. This is different. This is a friend. When Henrik asks how the others have been caring for him, they explain they've been doing their best to keep him stable. That had been where Dr Jacksepticeye came in. He learns it is early May, meaning he's been gone for 9 dreadful months. Chase offers to go with him as he returns home. It's comforting to have a familiar presence accompanying him. Chase won't say much about Elias or his sisters. 'They can tell you in person', he assures the father who can't get home fast enough. Once the two of them reach the house, the most Chase does is ring the doorbell. When Leonie answers, the younger man smiles. "Guess who I found." Leonie can't hug Henrik hard enough. He can't muster the courage to loosen his hold on her either. Even if the force she's exerting isn't gentle, he's grateful he's simply able to have her arms around him in the first place. She tells him to wait for her to pick their children up from school. Before she sets out from the door, she hands him a top and tracksuit bottoms. It's what he wore when he'd had an impossibly long shift. It's normality. Moreover, it's not the scrubs he's been stuck with for nine months. Elias hangs back, refusing to believe it. Leonie makes an unnecessary comment about Henrik returning in time for their son's birthday. Oh yes, he deliberately came home for Elias' birthday. The one furthest from August. Did she think he wanted to miss either of Heidi or Alina's birthdays? Still, he went missing shortly before one birthday and returned shortly before another's. That was something. His son eventually is released from his stupor when he sees his sisters embracing their father. Heidi is unsure how to react either. She approaches him slowly, as if she's unsure he's truly there. Alina racing past her encourages her to trust reality. It's a good thing he has two arms. Alina doesn't waste a second gawping. She sprints at full speed in her school uniform. The entire weekend is spent being dragged away to read. She's five now. She's able to read simple sentences. He'd been looking forward to reading books with her, the same as he had with her siblings, but this... this was so much more special than he could have imagined it would be a year ago. Ten days following his return, he stands in the kitchen of the egos' home. He sips coffee as he watches the others go about their day. He's been monitoring Marvin after a visit to his Grandmom resulted in stomach issues. Chase heads out the door, off to bring his children home for the weekend. It's only later that they realise they never should have let the vlogging father leave.

[hopeprevaiils]

REPOST. DON’T REBLOG. post TEN characters you’d like to roleplay as, have roleplayed as and might bring back. ( if you can’t think of ten characters, just write down however many you can. feel free to go over ten, too. )

CURRENTLY PLAYING

Mario: @fraterosso​

Princess Daisy: @pesserto

Rosalina: @stelladre

Klonoa: @wiinddreamer

Nino: @elfiired

Kyle Hyde: @cliipsought

Kirby: @starpcff

Natsuki: @dorceum

Humane 7 (Equestria Girls): @amiciquus

Pit, Dark Pit, and Palutena: @upriisen

Baeonetta: @infepera

Futaba Sakura: @medjekura

Madeline: @mtcliimber

Classic!Sonic the Hedgehog: @spccdrun

HAVE PLAYED

I played a whole slew of villains on a villainous multimuse sideblog. Kinda sad it didn’t work out. Reala from NiGHTS in particular sticks out!  I have a lot of headcanons for that fucker and it’s made him so interesting for me to think about... I still have his separate sideblog, maybe I’ll bring him back.

Quote! From Cave Story. I love him so much, but my personal portrayal of him makes interactions really tricky.

I played Sans and Papyrus from Undertale once! Regularly fight temptations to bring their muses back now that I’m actually a decent writer.

Infinite. Yeah, he was a fun attempt, but I don’t think he’s coming back. Rip.

The entire major cast of Neptunia. Oh my god, I love the cast so much. But oh my god, fuck the RPC. I’m not interested in going back. It’s crossovers, specific people, or nothing.

Arthur, from Fire Emblem: Fates. God, what a good character in a cast of Good Characters from a really shitty game. He means so well. I dropped him because the fandom was so big at the time that I was intimidated... maybe I’ll bring him back at some point.

Other smaller ones I barely remember and don’t have anything to say about include Paper Mario (who still kinda exists on Mario, but hasn’t been used yet), Crash Bandicoot, Vinyl Scratch/DJ Pon-3, Spike the Dragon, Ken Amada, Fem!Protag from Persona 3 Portable, Yosuke Hanamura, Junpei Iori... and honestly, a lot more, I’ve been roleplaying for 8 years.

WOULD LIKE TO PLAY

I’ve been... debating on Goro Majima. He’s an interesting dude... but a very eccentric one, and one I’m very unused to trying out. Plus I’ve been pretty bad about sticking with the fandom. Not that they’re bad or anything, just a different demographic than I’m used to.

Also Tatsuo Shinada... though to a much lesser degree. He’s a pervert, dimwitted, obsessed with baseball, and has far too much fun being an adult industry reviewer... but man, his total respect and care for women is something to admire. He’s so sincere about it.

... Been thinking about a lot of Sonic characters, honestly. As much as I’m conflicted about the actual franchise (particularly in 3D), I like the characters themselves. In particular, I’ve been thinking on Amy. Gravitating toward pink-haired optimists is kind of a trend of mine.

G o d... a good portion of the cast of The Gray Garden. The only game by Funamusea I’m willing to play. It’s so cute, and the characters are all so likeable. The problem is the Funamusea fandom is kinda dead... and most of what I can find is Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea, which I wasn’t interested in. Plus, I’m scared I’ll meet people who ship The Game’s Toxic Ship. The people I have so much disdain for.

Hades. The one from Kid Icarus: Uprising. What a fucker. What an omnicidal chaos-loving piece of shit. I love him.

Flora Reinhold from Professor Layton. She’s cute, friendly, and canon seems to really, really not like her. I gravitate toward characters who don’t get the respect they deserve, in and out of universe. I once saw someone say she was annoying and I’ve been a devoted fan of her ever since.

R h y m e, from The World Ends With You. SO cute. Androgynous girls are my life.

Rise Kujikawa, from Persona 4. I love her but the idol industry is a FUCKED UP PLACE.

I’d probably come up with more if you gave me time,

Tagged by: stole it from @masterprotector

Tagging: when do i EVER do this

[amplifychaos]

rules: tag ten followers you want to know better ! tagged by: kinda tagged by @evora-eriu-mclaggen​ (yes, I want a new friend v^v !) tagging: @heartsandmiinds​ @fangoffenrir​ @samuraiofice​ @thesasstasticsoldier​

name: Nada since people tend to get any other version wrong all the time gender: Female star sign: Scorpio height: 160-ish cm what’s your middle name? is that even a thing where I live? put your itunes on shuffle. what are the first 6 songs that popped up?

1.)  Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood 2.) Professor Layton And The Curious Village OST - Reinhold Manor 3.) Hamilton Original Broadway Cast - Non-Stop 4.) Hamilton Original Broadway Cast - Alexander Hamilton 5.) Akira Yamaoka ft. Melissa Williamson - You’re not here 6.)  Led Zeppelin - Ramble On

grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17? "Carl tried to look blank, even though he could guess what this was going to result in.” - The Hanging Girl, Jussi Adler-Olsen ever had a poem or song written about you? Eh, don’t think so but there is this story about “Nada, the Cheater-Witch” written by a friend and me, so maybe that counts when was the last time you played air guitar? always, because I play the guitar and can’t help but move my fingers when I listen to the right music who is your celebrity crush? Lucy Liu what’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Hate: that awful loud humming sound like a muffled bass that travels through walls and let’s my room shake and my ears hurt; Love: clapping two almost empty cans or glass bottles together to have them make that weird ‘bOIng’-sound that bounces off the walls...I just realized that this part has been weirdly descriptive do you believe in ghosts? how about aliens? kinda and yes do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed? Don’t have a license but I almost crashed a car in elementary school when I was trying to be helpful by turning the key so the driver wouldn’t have to do it. Elementary School-me didn’t know you need to slam the break before tho. Maybe you can see why I don’t have a license yet what was the last book you read? The book I had to open to answer that first question do you like the smell of gasoline? YES! ...except on Austrian gas stations. Don’t know what’s different with them but they smell awful what was the last movie you saw? Chicago (or maybe the Bourne Identity which was on TV when I was almost falling asleep) what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Once cut my foot open in a pool and had to stay in a wheelchair for two days or so do you have any obsessions right now? The Disaster Artist just came out in Germany so I’m on that The Room hype again do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes, always