#I don’t draw cars T_T

[slushie-slam]

after surviving termina, Mari spends the rest of her scholarship money on a beat up car and she and Levi travel across countries ^_^

[lionhanie]

han taesan ; back 2 u (part four)

you can’t help but find yourself coming back to taesan everytime

this is part four of my series, back 2 u! read the previous part here!

fuckboy!taesan x fem!reader, college au

...featuring! BFFS jaehyun + woonhak, fuckboy leehan (AND he's taesan's roommate), and lovely roomies sungho + riwoo <3

word count: 11.1k (EXTRA special ty to my beloved @serejae for beta reading for me T_T)

warnings:  ANGST,,,, cursing, one kms joke, gongfourz fboy activities, woonhak is a little lost, alcohol/weed usage (reader smokes and drinks one (1) single beer), shotgunning (smoke), insecurity + overthinking, toxic relationship behaviors, mentions of other idols as side characters :P (newjeans minji, gidle minnie, enha heeseung, zb1 matthew)

a/n: apologies for disappearing off the face of the earth .... but wanted to mention that i joined @onedoornet !!! ^_^ plsplspls go support and check out everyone else in this lovely network hueheuhe <3

reblogs ↺ + feedback always appreciated!

A mess consisting of scrap paper, pens, and various scribbled notes from the lecture was currently occupying the entire span of your desk. You were supposed to be studying for an exam you had in a couple days, but you were currently sprawled out in the comfort of your bed as you scrolled mindlessly through Twitter. 

[Instagram] the_myungjaeee sent a post by kminji04! the_myungjaeee: LOL look at woonhak dancing in the 3rd slide

Opening Instagram, you’re faced with what looks like a photo dump from a girl who goes to your university. It was recently posted, the caption reading “late night finds”. Swiping to see the video Jaehyun was referring to, you cover your mouth to stifle your laughter at seeing one of your best friends dancing horribly in a parking lot, laughter coming from the background of the clip. 

Out of habit, you find yourself scrolling through the rest of the post’s contents, finding various pictures of what you assume to be the girl’s friend group, neatly-arranged drinks in a cafe, pretty skies from places you recognize around campus. You don’t think much of the post until a particular picture catches your eye. 

To anyone else, it just looked like your typical soft-launch type post. There was no account tagged, but you’ve seen enough of the relationship-esque genre of pictures to recognize them when you see one. A set of masculine hands doodling hearts on the condensation of the driver’s seat window. The quality of the photo isn’t great, clearly being taken late at night, but the head that’s half cropped out of the photo is one you recognize all too well. The bleached blonde streaks towards the nape of the man’s neck confirms the suspicion brewing in your gut: It’s Taesan. You don’t really want to think too hard about why the inside of the car is fogging up the windows like that, or why it’s a heart he’s drawing, out of all things, because you know it’ll only hurt your feelings even more. 

Curiosity gets the best of you as you tap on the user who posted the image. kminji04. Kim Minji. You’re glad the profile was public in the first place, but maybe it wasn’t something you should be thankful for. You shouldn’t be diving head-first into this rabbit hole. But what you don’t know can’t hurt you, surely. 

You ignore your brain’s attempt at protecting you as you examine the profile further. Having your fair share of experience when it came to social media digging, it was easy to get an idea about who Kim Minji was. Her feed reflects the same feeling you got from the first post you saw— She seemed to take a liking to posting a variety of pictures that revealed different slices of her life. Looked to be an English major, and in the same year as you. She was undeniably stunning, model-like, even. Asides from Woonhak, you didn’t share many mutuals. You shouldn’t be looking too deep into this. You wouldn’t get anything good out of doing so.

You kept going. In her highlights, you didn’t notice anything too out of the ordinary. That is, until you got to one in particular, labeled only with a heart. Two weeks ago, a scenic view by the water. After that, two iced coffees are neatly placed side by side in a cute cafe, followed by other food-related pictures of the same nature. Clicking through the slides, you were about to write it off as just another compilation of aesthetic stills-- Except you see a familiar jacket appear in the background of one of the stories. The same jacket that currently resides in your closet. The same jacket Han Taesan wrapped around you before he kissed you for the first time. 

Putting together the pieces, you quickly realize the entire highlight showcased various dates they went on. You never got the chance to exchange anything besides a brief kiss and your number, but it was easy to find Taesan in both her followers and following. It was more than enough evidence for you to assume that it was Kim Minji he was talking to in the library. The one he called baby. He probably wore that jacket with her in the days leading up to the party. You think it’s dumb the way your heart hurts at the understanding; you’re unsure of why you yearn so badly for someone you’d only recently met, but maybe that’s why he built up such a reputation in the first place. 

[Instagram] the_myungjaeee: ok leave me on seen do u want me to kms

The notification on the top of your screen pulls you out of your thoughts. Rather than replying, you decide to open your messages, looking for one group chat in particular. 

to: “woonhak’s babysitters”! can i see u guys tmr :( 

The responses are instantaneous, and you’re happy to see that your friends are still awake– probably procrastinating their assignments as well. 

woonhak’s babysitters Jaehyun: OKAY NOW U TEXT THE GC INSTEAD OF REPLYING ON INSTAGRAM You: girl are u free or not Woonhak: yes let’s hang out Woonhak: but wats with the :( why are we :( y/n Jaehyun: bro ik u have my schedule memorized…. you KNOW i’m free  Jaehyun: don't forget we literally operate under the assumption that we are going to see each other everyday 🙄 Jaehyun: but ^^ is something wrong did something happen You: not really but i need to debrief again… 😀 Woonhak: mystery man? You: …….maybe 👎👎👎 meet at our usual cafe @ 3? Jaehyun: not u using us as love counselors again…. what’s in it for us 🤔 You: i’ll pay Jaehyun: 😍😍😍 SEE YOU GUYS TOMORROW 💯LOVE YOU! 😇

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

“It’s crazy how things taste better when you aren’t the one who paid for them!” Jaehyun stirs the iced coffee in his hand with the straw, grinning ear to ear.

“Yeah, whatever, I knew you would still show up even if I didn’t bribe you with free food.” You roll your eyes at the boy next to you, who is clearly enjoying the drink you just bought for him. “How can you tell if a guy is flirting with you?”

“You’re just going to drop a bomb on us like that?” Jaehyun lightheartedly criticizes. The teasing never seemed to stop when it came to talking about your love life, but you were glad to know they would always lend you an ear if you needed one. “Can you give us another hypothetical scenario for context?” 

“You remember how I texted that guy about his overdue book? Well, he showed up while I was working on Tuesday,”  They nod, listening intently as they periodically take small sips from their straws. “He’s always calling me pet names, like things my boyfriend should be saying... He even noticed I did my makeup differently that day too!” 

“I’m almost certain he likes you if he’s complimenting you like that all the time,” Woonhak affirms. “He’s definitely trying to woo you over with that sort of act.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d be so bold with calling a girl those names if I wasn’t at least somewhat into her. Did you ask him to hang out after your shift was over?”

“I mean, I tried to. He stepped away to answer his phone, and it sounded like he was talking to a girl. At least, I think he was.” You’re fairly certain that you were right, but maybe it was safer not to jump to conclusions. 

“What makes you think that?”

“He kept talking about how he was almost done and that he’d be coming over soon… And he called them baby.” Who else would he call ‘baby’ if not another girl? Talking about it out loud brings back all the conspiracies going through your head when you’d stalked Minji’s profile before bed. 

“Wow, what kind of man would call someone that after blatantly flirting with you? I was almost rooting for him until you said that, you know.” Woonhak looks disappointed as he picks up a strawberry off the plate on the table and pops it into his mouth. 

The conversation goes dull for a moment, sounds from neighboring tables filling the silence at the table. “Woonhak, how do you know Kim Minji?” You pry, deciding not to dance around the question that could give you the answers you were desperately searching for.

“Minji? She helped me write some papers for English 301,” He’s taken aback by the direct question, but he answers quickly regardless. “She’s really nice though! I was hanging out with her and a bunch of other people the other week.”

“Woonhakie, what was that video she posted of you?” Jaehyun’s laugh rings throughout your corner of the cafe as he recalls the post he sent you last night. “You looked so funny dancing like that!” 

“Ah, is that what we’re talking about? Yeah, I lost a bet and I had to dance to a random song for three whole minutes. l didn’t think she’d post that though… Why do you ask?”

“...Is she dating anyone?” You shyly ask.

“What, are you interested? I have her number if you want it-“

“She’s pretty, but that’s not really what I’m trying to get at here,” You take a moment to think about how you’re going to go about this conversation. Might as well just rip off the bandaid. “Is she dating Han Dongmin?”

“Dongmin? I don’t know anyone named Dongmin.”

“Mm, Taesan?” You correct yourself by addressing him by his nickname. 

“Oh, that guy with the weird hair? I mean, he was with us a couple times,” Woonhak scratches the back of his head, trying to recall the events of the night. “But I don’t think they’re together. Not officially, at least.”

“I thought the contact I saw on your phone said Han Dongmin, though. Is he Han Taesan?” Jaehyun recollects the last time you went to them for advice. 

Cat’s out of the bag now. “Would you get mad at me if I said yes?” The laugh you let out is dry as you watch the condensation drip down the side of your cup. 

“What’s so bad about Taesan hyung?” Woonhak innocently asks, clearly lost.

“Woonhak, you know who he is right?” Jaehyun seems shocked as he seeks for confirmation.

“Duh, didn’t I just say he was out with my friends and I? I mean, who else has hair like that? I’m sure we’re talking about the same guy.”

“I don’t think you should keep talking to him, Y/N.” Jaehyun’s voice is stern from his place next to you. 

“Oh, you like Taesan Y/N?” Woonhak seems to finally grasp the situation. “You should’ve told me sooner! I’ve only met him a couple of times, but I could always invite you if I know he’s coming out with us! But then again… I only really see him when Minji is there.” Oh. He only shows up when Minji is there. Everything seems to make a bit more sense now. 

“Hey, am I even in this conversation?” Jaehyun whines, smacking the table with the palms of his hands. “I don’t like him for you, Y/N.” 

“Oooh… Are you jealous?” Woonhak wiggles his eyebrows at your best friend, who is clearly upset with the newly revealed identity of the main character in your dilemma. 

“Dude, I don’t even know why you’d say that. You know Y/N and I aren’t like that.” He’s glaring at the younger boy across from him, but his eyes soften when they turn back to you. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“If he’s dating Minji, then I guess there’s no reason for me to be talking to him anymore.” Your throat feels dry. You take a sip from your drink, which was untouched for the past ten minutes. 

“You’ve never heard anything about Taesan then, Woonhak?” The boy in question shakes his head no, waiting for an explanation. “Han Taesan; music major famous for his rager parties and picking up girls anywhere he can– If anything, I’m more surprised you haven’t heard any word of him just by being on campus.” 

“Okay, so he throws dope parties and is popular with girls. So what? Don’t act like you didn’t have girls from different classes lining up for you back in high school.”

“That’s not the same as what I’m trying to get at. Han Taesan goes through girls like they’re nothing. And this is our sweet Y/N we’re talking about here— Do you want her with a guy like him?” At this point, Jaehyun’s visibly frustrated with his naivety. 

You place your hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. “Oh, he’s like that? He just seems so… Normal?” Woonhak comments, seemingly in disbelief, that Jaehyun’s version of Han Taesan is the same as his.

“Yeah, I thought that too.” Your voice trails off. You wanted to smack your past self for thinking everything everyone said about Taesan wasn’t true. That they were just baseless rumors. 

“Sorry, Y/N. If Taesan is really that kind of person, I don’t want him with you either. Plus, Minji was practically all over him that one time so maybe they actually are a thing-“

“Not the best thing to say right now, bro.” Woonhak shrinks in his seat, shutting himself up by taking a bite of the pastry he had in front of him. “So do you have feelings for him, Y/N? Didn’t you meet like, two weeks ago?” You nod, ashamed to admit the way you feel about someone who only came into your life recently. Sure, you’ve had similar crush upbringings in the past, but this felt different than your previous temporary infatuations. “I don’t think it’ll be easy, but I think you should take a couple steps back when it comes to a guy like him.” 

“Normally I wouldn’t be one to butt in so heavily when it comes to the guys you like, but I seriously have a bad feeling about him now.” Woonhak frowns, feeling like he lost his previous appetite.  

“Hell, if he’s getting all up close and personal with another girl and then telling you to kiss him the next time you’re at his place, it sounds like he only wants one thing from you. You’re just going to end as another one of his hook-ups.” You gnaw on the plastic straw in your cup as Jaehyun goes on. 

Just another one of his hook-ups. And with how well-known Taesan was around campus, people would find out who you were sooner or later. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. At the very least, you could probably see him more often if you were friends with benefits– What the hell are you saying?

“Don’t even think about it.” Almost as if reading your mind, Jaehyun raises his voice at you. You’re startled at his tone, flinching a bit in your chair. “Fuck, sorry. You don’t deserve to be discarded like one of his one night stands, is all I’m saying.” 

“I second that,” Woonhak’s equally as upset as Jaehyun now. “Man, screw this Han Taesan… Han Dongmin… Whoever he is. Literally any other guy would be better for you.” 

“I figured you’d react like this if I told you it was him from the beginning.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, chuckling at your friends’ concern. “Was it so wrong for wanting to see if he isn’t the bad guy that everyone makes him out to be?” 

“...I guess not, but if you knew he was a shit person, why even bother trying in the first place?” Jaehyun looks at you with genuine confusion written all over his face. 

“Dunno. I just thought I’d be interesting enough for him to want something more with me.” Maybe if you were prettier, or more popular. Maybe just then, that’d be enough for Han Taesan to change his ways. 

“I wish you saw yourself the same way we see you, Y/N.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

It’s been a few days since you broke down the situation properly with Jaehyun and Woonhak in the cafe. Even if whatever you had between you and Taesan was close to nothing, it’s hard to deny that it hurt a bit to think that your story ended so fast. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want things to end up like this. Rather than dwelling too hard on what could’ve been, you focused all your energy on cramming for the test you needed to study for. 

Despite that, you still found yourself wishing the two of you could run into each other, just once more. When you leave the elective class you share with Sungho, you scan around the building in hopes of getting a glimpse of Taesan’s hair in the hallways. When the library doors slide open, you can’t stop yourself from looking up from your monitor just in case he’s come to return his book. If Jaehyun knew you still had him on your mind after his scolding, he’d be furious. 

Unlocking the door to your shared apartment, you melt into the couch after another session of tutoring Woonhak after he’d desperately begged you to save him from failing his math class. The agreement was that he would pay for your lunch for an entire week in exchange for your help– You would’ve helped him regardless, but you wanted to see how desperate he would get for a tutor.

“Long day?” Minnie, your roommate, and friend from high school, greets you from her place in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, Woonhak is impossible to teach sometimes. He gets distracted every five minutes, I swear.” You complain as you run your hands through your hair.

“Aw, that sounds like him. How’s he doing?” The girl rests her head in her hand as she leans onto the kitchen island, looking over at you. 

“Good, aside from the fact that he currently has a 64 in math.” You chuckle, closing your eyes as you lean back into the plush pillows.

Minnie snorts, moving to open the fridge and bending down to find a drink. “Want something?” 

You pry one of your eyes open to see the girl waiting for your response by the refrigerator door. “Why not? I’m gonna need something to take away all the stress of trying to get Woonhak to understand how derivatives work,” Minnie smiles at you as she grabs two cans, bringing them to the living room and handing you one.

“Beer? Gross.” The drink feels cool in your hand as you look at the label. “It’s all we have, unless you want to go buy something different yourself,” She cracks the can open and takes a gulp, groaning at the carbonation.

You pout at her, but you open your drink and take a sip yourself regardless. “You wouldn’t want to come with me?” 

“Nope, I’m all showered and comfy already. You’d catch me dead before you see me leaving the apartment at this time.” You laugh as you stretch your arms into the air before they fall at your side comfortably. “You aren’t going to shower yet?” 

“Hey, it’s a Friday night. A girl can’t relax in her living room anymore?” 

“Yeah, a Friday night you spent three hours hunched up in those old study rooms again.” She props her legs up on the coffee table from her seat next to you, scrolling on her phone. “When was the last time you went out? You gotta take me with you next time.”

Taesan’s party. You weren’t one to go out too often, and you weren’t sure about the next time you would given the way your last outing ended. “Three weeks ago? I don’t remember.” You bluff; practically every detail from that night and the days that followed it were etched into your memory. 

Placing your can down on the table, you get up. “I’m gonna wash up, I’ll be back.” Minnie hums at you as she looks up briefly from what she was watching. You picked up the bag that you’d haphazardly thrown on the floor when you first got back and made your way to your room. Opening your drawers, you sort through your sleepwear, looking for one of your sweatshirts. On the bed, you hear your phone vibrating against the comforter. 

“Ugh, no way Woonhak has another question. He said he didn’t need my help anymore.” Taking off your clothes from the day and throwing on your hoodie and shorts, you move closer to look at who’s calling you.

Incoming call from “Han Dongmin”!

Just when you thought you weren’t going to hear from him again. What could he be possibly calling you for? If anything, you would’ve thought he’d be throwing another party. Or maybe he dialed the wrong person? You let it ring twice more before picking it up. 

“Hello?” You curse silently at the way your voice shakes when you speak. 

There’s laughter coming from the other end, alongside muffled voices. Is this some sort of prank? You’re about to hang up when you don’t get an immediate response. “Y/N? Hi.” It’s been a while since you heard him. 

“Taesan? Why are you calling me?”

“Not the name I want to hear from you, angel.” You let out an annoyed laugh, sitting on the edge of your bed. He has the nerve to talk to you as if he didn’t ghost you for the past two weeks. “Haven’t heard your sweet voice in a while. I guess I miss talking to you.”

“Dongmin, what’s this about?” You feel your heartbeat speed up, much to your disappointment. Curse him for having you wrapped around his finger still even when you thought you were getting over him. 

“There’s my girl,” He chuckles into the mic. “You busy?” You’re taken aback at his words. His girl. 

“Fuck off, don’t call me again.” …Is what you want to say, but your cheeks heat up against your will. You feel your composure falling apart at the mere sound of his voice. “...No. I just got home.” 

“Come over then.” Now, it really feels like a setup. You knew there were other people with him; he could have you on speaker for all you know. He’s probably trying to show off how easy it is to call a girl over at midnight. “...Only if you want to. It’s only me and a couple of other people here.” 

“Like who?”

“Leehan, of course. And some of my friends, Matthew, Heeseung, Minji.” His voice hushes into a whisper as he continues his thought. “To be honest, there’s a few more people here, but I can’t remember their names right now.” He giggles at his confession. It’s uncharacteristically cute– you’ve never heard him laugh like that before. 

Kim Minji. Another name you’d temporarily erased from your mind. “Who’re you talking to?” It’s Leehan; he sounds like he’s a couple feet away from Taesan, but you can tell it’s him by his voice.

You’re silent as you wait to hear what he says in response. Surely he wouldn’t admit to talking to another girl in front of his girlfriend. But then again, maybe he didn’t care to be cautious when it came to things like this. “Y/N, duh. You wanna talk to her?”

“Ah, I don’t really think you need to-” You get out, not seeing the point in talking to his roommate at this point of time, but ultimately getting cut off by Leehan taking the phone. 

“Hey, Y/N. Long time no see, yeah?” His baritone tone shocks you, sounding much deeper now that he’s properly speaking into the phone. “Our sweet Taesan over here was hogging the joint while he was chatting you up, so I hope you understand why I had to pull you away for a sec there.” Ah. He’s high. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know,” You fiddle with the string of your hoodie as you apologize, even if there isn’t anything for you to be sorry for. “I’m going to hang up now, just tell Dongmin I’m going to sleep or something.”

“Woah, hold up. Your Dongmin called you for a reason. You’re free to come over, you know. You don’t need to smoke with us, it’s cool.” There are more voices in the background, but the phone struggles to pick up the noise. “Who am I to stop a pretty lady like yourself from coming to our house again?” You can hear him smile as he talks. 

If Jaehyun would be mad if he found out you were just thinking about Han Taesan, he’d be livid if he knew you were seriously considering taking up the offer. Rustling comes from the other end, and you assume it’s Taesan getting his phone back.

“Hey, don’t try and take what’s mine, Leehan.” There he was again, calling you his. At this point, the title seemed rather fitting with the way you’re still on call, even after your friends warned you about the man you were speaking to.

“I’d love to see you again, Y/N.” Your name rolling off his lips sounds foreign, especially when he’s been known to exclusively call you pet names. “Door’s unlocked if you show up. Don’t keep me waiting too long, yeah?” 

There’s a small beep as he ends the call, giving you no chance to keep the conversation going. You fall back onto your bed, groaning out loud. “Are you okay?” You hear your roommate ask you from down the hallway. 

“Yeah, I’m good!” Not really, though. You’re upset at how quickly you decided to get ready to leave the apartment nstead of getting ready for bed like you initially intended to. Standing up, you move over to the mirror to address your current appearance. You internally thank Taesan for not calling you to come over after you’ve taken off your makeup completely. You touch it up slightly, glad that it hadn’t worn off much during the day. Grabbing your perfume on the dresser, you spritz yourself a couple times with the sweet scent. The clothes you would’ve worn to sleep were good enough– After all, it's likely nobody will be in the right state of mind to care too much about what you had on anyways.

You make your way back to the living room, walking past the couch where your roommate was still sitting. “You going somewhere? Aren’t you in your pajamas?” Minnie looks up at you with a confused expression on her face, beer can in hand. 

“Yeah, just going to stop by a friend’s place real quick.” You grab your keys off of the coffee table before moving towards the door.

She gives you a skeptical look, raising her eyebrow at your explanation. “I’m not going to ask you any more questions, but don’t do anything you’ll regret. I’ll be awake if you need me to save you or something– And don’t come back too late!”

“Got it, Mom.” The two of you share a laugh as you walk out into the hallway of your apartment complex, hearing the door beep as it locks shut behind you. You internally apologize to Woonhak and Jaehyun as you wait for the elevator to come up to your floor. You were seriously doing this, huh?

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

In any other situation, you probably wouldn’t be going out of your way to walk across campus at midnight— But because it’s a Friday, there were groups of students roaming around, making their way to bars or house parties. 

The weather was perfect for the walk, albeit it was only about ten minutes long. Even in your shorts, you weren’t too cold on the short trip to the house. It was hard to expect anything in particular by showing up, but you prayed you wouldn’t feel like a fool no matter what happened tonight. 

Just as Taesan said, the door to the house was unlocked; you turned the knob and slowly opened it, revealing the familiar interior. It was significantly cleaner than the last time you were there, probably because they weren’t throwing a party tonight. In this sort of setting, it looked more like a regular home than anything. The led lights towards the ceiling were set to a cool purple, enveloping the room in the color. The speakers were playing music, but at a more casual volume; just loud enough to hear the people you were talking to without being too disruptive to the conversation, maintaining a chill background noise for the smoke session you walked into. 

“Y/N? Come sit with us. Taesan just left to go buy some drinks.” Leehan’s head pops up at your entrance, motioning you to sit next to him on the couch with his hand. “You know anyone here?”

Taking the spot next to him, you glance around the faces scattered around the room. You’re glad they’re all preoccupied with passing around a bong, otherwise you wouldn’t be looking at everyone so shamelessly. There were only about six other people there, but you could only name Minji from her Instagram profile.

You shake your head no in response, giving him an awkward smile. “That’s okay, it doesn’t really matter. You can just stick by me tonight, then.” Leehan reassures you, oddly sweet compared to your last interaction. “Do you smoke?”

“Not really,” You answer. Weed wasn’t your drug of choice– you would’ve much rather preferred to drink, but it wasn’t something you were opposed to. It wouldn’t hurt, right? If anything, it’ll help you take away all the anxiety that was currently weighing down your shoulders. “I’ll smoke tonight though. It’s hard not to join in when you’ve all started without me.” There was no way in hell you were going to stay in that room longer than fifteen minutes if you were sober. 

“Atta girl, I knew you would fit right in.” The brunette praises as he reaches to pick up the tray on the table. You watch as Leehan fills up the rolling paper, skillfully turning it into a neatly packed joint. It’s kind of mesmerizing– you can tell he does this often with the way he finishes in an instant, licking the edge of the paper to close it. Of course, he doesn’t fail to make eye contact as he does so, effectively bringing a blush to your cheeks. Leehan’s looks were no joke. 

It made so much sense to think that Leehan and Taesan were roommates. Leehan reaches into the pocket of his shirt, pulling out a neon green lighter. He places the joint in his mouth, cupping the end and inhaling as he lights it on fire. His head is thrown back onto the couch as he exhales into the air after holding it towards you, urging you to take a hit of your own. 

You take the spliff from him, noticing how large his hands are in comparison to your own. Your actions mimic his; bringing it up to your lips and breathing in the smoke. You immediately cough at the taste, embarrassed that your body seems to reject the weed despite having done this before. Leehan giggles at you, covering his mouth as he rubs the small of your back to help your coughing fit. 

“First time?” He takes it back from you, holding it between his fingers as it burns into the air. “You can be honest, I won’t judge.”

“...No, but it’s been a while.” The two of you are in your own bubble at this point, as you pay no mind to the other people just a couple of feet away. Almost as a means of proving yourself, you snatch the joint from his hand, taking another deep inhale-- successfully without interruption this time, making you internally sigh in relief. The two of you go back and forth sharing it, alternating hits as it slowly shrinks, his spare hand resting on your bare thigh throughout the whole thing. 

“You look like a natural now,” His laugh is breathy; he looked dazed over. It’s unknown how long they’d been at it before you arrived. “You feeling it yet?” He questions as he looks you in the eyes; his own are already glazed over, making them sparkle more than they normally did.

You can’t hold in your giggle at seeing him in such a state. “You are, that’s for sure.” You’re not sure when the two of you moved closer to each other, but your shoulders are touching as you both rest against the comfort of the couch. “I feel really good.” 

The eye contact between you two is broken as you look towards the sound of the door opening. Taesan walks through the entrance with a case of drinks under his arm, taking off his shoes before placing the box onto the table, only after taking one for himself. His face lights up once he sees you on the couch, sending you a grin as he takes his place next to Minji. “Nice to see you again, pretty.” 

Oh, right. You almost forgot she was here– you were so caught up in smoking with Leehan that you weren’t trying to get to know any of the other session attendees. Not that anyone cared, though. Most of them were just lying around, either swaying to the music that continuously played throughout the room, eating from the bags of open snacks laid out on the table, or nonverbal on their phones. 

Minji tries to wrap her arm around Taesan’s as he sits down, earning a side-eye from him as he gently pulls it away. It feels like you should be jealous after seeing that, but your mind is fuzzy. “Looks like Leehan stole my seat.” His tone is passive-aggressive as he addresses the man currently curled up next to you.

“Your seat? Maybe you should’ve called dibs if you wanted to sit next to Y/N so bad. I got her fair and square.” Leehan bites back. “I don’t know why you left right after you asked her to come over.”

He moves to put his arm around you– you can tell he’s trying to push his roommates’ buttons, and you decide to play into it. You two share a brief look, mischief in your eyes, as you both silently understand what you were doing. Instead of pushing his arm away like Taesan had just done with Minji, you lean into it, resting your head by his shoulder as you take another inhale of smoke. The pair of roommates are entranced by the way the cloud leaves your mouth, swirling and twisting into the air before ultimately disappearing. 

Leehan moves the both of you to where you’re sitting up properly and takes his arm off of you. Across the room, Taesan can’t keep his eyes off of the two of you; the way you’re feeding into Leehan’s obvious moves on you. “Can I try something?” You’re a little lost, but you nod your head regardless. His fingers brush against yours as he takes the blunt from your fingers, now a little less than half the size it was when he first rolled it. 

He takes a long drag, pulling away while keeping the smoke in his mouth. You’re shocked to feel his hand on your cheek, bringing your face closer to his and using his thumb to part your mouth open. You also feel Han Taesan’s gaze burning into your skull, but you can’t turn to look with the grip Leehan has on you. 

Leehan slowly pushes the smoke out between his lips, which were currently only a couple of inches away from your own. You inhale instinctively, a bridge of smoke connecting you as you do so. The scene feels like it’s in slow motion, or maybe that’s just the high you’re currently feeling. You don’t know when other people began watching the exchange, but you can faintly hear witnesses egging on the intimate moment you’re sharing with Leehan. 

After all the smoke has passed between you, he moves his thumb to your mouth again, caressing your bottom lip gently. Leehan wants to kiss you. You know he’s not entirely there as he gives you a dopey grin, biting his own lip as his thoughts are fixated on how pretty he thinks you look right now. 

As much as you enjoyed the way Leehan was currently making you feel, you knew that it was all a game to him. It was significantly easier to read him– his intentions with you are as clear as day, unlike Taesan’s. The way he spoke to you didn’t fool you; his words were laced with nothing but lust, and you weren’t interested in taking it any further than it needed to be. This, you were sure of. With Han Taesan, you could never be too sure about what he was thinking. You wish it was this easy to see through him the way you could see through Leehan. 

You know exactly what you’re doing as you lean into the brunette. He smiles again, seemingly satisfied with your movements, as he closes his eyes and does the same. Of course he thinks he’s going to get what he wants. It pisses you off how smug he currently looks when he moves to kiss you.

“Please don’t, Y/N.” Right before you turn your head to swerve the kiss like you’d initially planned to, Taesan’s voice makes both you and Leehan halt your movements. His voice is… small. It’s not as confident as he would normally sound when talking to you; rather, it sounded like he was uncertain about whether or not you’d go as far as kissing his roommate in front of him. Leehan scoffs in annoyance, as he turns his head to look at the source of the interruption. 

“Way to cockblock, dude.” The room suddenly feels tense. You can feel more eyes on you now with the way Leehan’s voice pierces the music coming from the speakers. “She isn’t yours, you know that right? Just accept it, Taesan. If she wants to sleep with me, she can make that decision herself. Isn’t that right, Y/N?” You can’t tell if this is all a part of Leehan’s plan to piss off his friend, but you weren’t having it anymore.

“Leehan, I’m not going to sleep with you.” He’s laughing in disbelief-- Like he couldn’t believe anyone would turn him down like that, especially in front of people watching. You can tell his pride is hurt when he moves to the opposite end of the couch, as far away from you as he can get without having to stand up. 

“Your loss. I’m sure you’ve heard already, but I’m a good fuck-” Out of nowhere, Taesan is grabbing your wrist and brings you up to your feet, dragging you towards the door. Your limbs feel weightless as he holds on to you, your steps gliding on the hardwood floors. You’re barely able to put on your own shoes as you walk into the night, Taesan leading the way.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 

The cool air is refreshing; you take deep breaths, relishing at how nice it feels to be free from the smell of weed surrounding you. “Dongmin, you’re holding me too tight.” You pull back against his grasp, and he immediately drops your wrist, standing in front of you now.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Do what? I came over like you asked me to.” 

“Yeah, and you were all over Leehan when I walked in.”

“It should’ve been you,” You breathe out, just barely above a whisper. “He told me you left when I got there.”

“If you wanted it to be me, then why’d you let him do that? You know how he is.” He looks hurt as he confronts you, and you almost regret what you did back there.

“No, Dongmin, I don’t know how he is. And I also don’t know why you’re angry at me right now. You’re acting like I knew he was going to pull that stunt on me!” He doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way either. Your annoyance is clear as the night sky above you. 

“...Fine, say you didn’t know he was going to do that,” His brows furrowed as he interrogated you further.  “Why’d you lean in?”

“I knew you were watching us. I wasn’t going to kiss him either way.” You confess, not seeing the point in dancing around the bush. What you did could be seen as toxic, but you wanted to see if it would affect him at all-- to get him annoyed, jealous. Anything that could signal that he actually gave a shit about you. 

“Can you cut the bullshit? Do you want to sleep with my friend or not?”

“Did you not hear what I said to him? I told him straight to his face that I didn’t want to have sex with him– In front of everyone, for god’s sake Dongmin! Are you hearing yourself?” Taesan is quiet, not knowing what to say.

“Why does any of this matter to you?” You prod, impatiently awaiting his response. Because he likes you. Because you’re more than another one of his groupies. More than just a meaningless one night stand. You just need him to say it himself.

“Forget it, then. Where’s your apartment? It’s late, I’ll take you back.” He dismisses his previous outburst. You aren’t surprised that he changes the subject, but you wished he took the chance to clear up whatever it was between you two. 

“I can go on my own.” You turn away from him, knowing that if you look at him properly your resolve will fall almost immediately. 

“I’m not letting you walk back at one in the morning, Y/N. It’s not good for a pretty girl to go home alone like this.” Why does he want to ensure the safety of a girl he won’t even admit he has feelings for? 

“You don’t need to do that. I’ll just call someone while I go home, it’s not that serious.” You brush off his offer nonchalantly despite knowing you wouldn’t want to go back alone at this time of night. 

“I want to.” Taesan’s insistent; you didn’t take him as the type of guy to be so stubborn when it came to things like this. “It’s either you let me walk you home, or I’m just going to trail five feet behind you until I see you get back safe.” 

“You’d look like a freak doing that, by the way.” You tease, laughing at the image of him following you around like a bodyguard. 

“Oh, I’m very aware. Which is why I’m politely requesting that you let me walk you home.” His gaze is soft as he pleads with you for the last time. “Please, Y/N?” 

The next three minutes go by in silence, the only noise being the nearby chatter of the occasional groups of partygoers passing by the area. You never explicitly told him to go away, but he matches your pace as you make your way towards your apartment. 

Halfway through the walk, you realize that this could be your chance to talk to Taesan properly. A chance to learn more about him without any intrusions; to see the type of person he truly is. At this very moment in time, this is the closest thing he’ll ever be to being yours.

“I’m thirsty, Dongmin.” You blurt out, suddenly realizing how dry your mouth was, having had nothing to drink for the past hour. 

“Are we almost at your place? You can drink something when you get home, no?” His steps slow down as he turns to you, his hands resting in his pockets. He isn’t wrong, but you were searching for an excuse to extend the time you had alone with him. 

He’s met with your pouty face looking up at him, and he swears his composure dissolves in an instant; he would do anything for you right then and there. “…There’s a convenience store nearby.” 

Your face lights up as you put your hand out for him to take, telling him to bring you there. It’s things like this— you always manage to find a way to catch him off guard. Taesan’s not used to being the flustered one when it comes to women, but he'll gladly endure it if it was you doing it to him.  

The neon sign is bright in the dark of the night, lighting up both of your faces as the boy moves to open the door, motioning for you to go in first. You wrap your arms around your torso as you head towards the refrigerated section, selecting your drink of choice after some thought. “Are you hungry?” 

He shakes his head no, but his eyes are fixated on you across from him standing in your pajamas, playing with the strings of your hoodie as you stand in the middle of the convenience store. His heart is beating so fast, he’s worried you can hear it from where you are. “Why are you looking at me like that, Dongmin?”

The speed in which his cheeks turn pink is endearing. “Uh, your eyes are red.” Taesan clears his throat as he looks back to the various beverages in front of them, pretending to read the labels as he puts an end to his obvious ogling. 

“Thanks, genius. Who would’ve guessed?” You tuck the bottle you were holding under your arm, moving to look through the aisles of snacks and pre-packaged food lining the store. “You aren’t high anymore?” 

“I stopped smoking right after I got off call with you. I don’t really feel it.” To be honest, Taesan wasn’t much of a smoker either, but you didn’t need to know that. The smoke sesh was planned by none other than his roommate, and Taesan only happened to walk in on it after returning home from one of the campus recording booths. He only took a few hits before he thought it’d be a good way to invite you over; it was not nearly enough to get him in the floaty state you were coming down from. 

“Well, I still am. And I’m fucking starving,” He lets out a small laugh, watching you exaggeratedly ponder about which pack of instant ramen you were going to get. “Do you want anything?” 

“Mm, no. Not that hungry.” You squat down to the floor in an attempt to see the bottom shelves better. He’s glancing around the aisle as well, moving to pick up something from above you. When you turn to look at him again, he’s holding out a cup of Shin Ramyun in your face. 

You tilt your head. “I thought you didn’t want anything, though?” 

“I don’t,” He answers matter-of-factly. “This is one of my favorites.” You hesitantly take the ramen from his hands as you get up, walking towards the cashier at the front of the store without any further comment.

You can feel Taesan standing behind you as you both watch the worker scan your drink and ramen. “It’s going to be 3,000 won.” Pulling out your phone to pay, your face recognition fails once, preventing you from opening your Apple wallet. You send an apologetic smile to the cashier for the hold-up.

Your card finally shows up on your screen, allowing you to finally tap the corner of the pay screen– except you’re met with Taesan’s hand holding his card and paying for your items. “Thank you, have a nice night!” The worker pushes your purchases towards you on the counter. Taesan moves to pick them up from behind you, bringing it to a table in the corner of the store.

He slides out the chair for you, which you move to sit in afterwards. Taesan grabs your drink and twists the cap off, offering the opened bottle to you. You gladly accept, taking big gulps and soothing your cottonmouth. “I could’ve done that myself, Dongmin. Same with paying back there.” 

“I know,” Opening up the ramen halfway, he brings the cup up to the hot water dispenser, filling up the line inside. “You probably haven’t noticed it, but you’re moving in slow motion. It makes me want to take care of you.” His last comment is just barely loud enough for you to hear. He finally sits down next to you after he uses a pair of chopsticks to pin the cover of the ramen closed while it cooks.

“I owe you then,” You comment, taking another sip from the bottle in your hand. 

He almost looks offended at your offer to pay off your debt, waving his hand no in front of your face. “Just take it as an apology for me lashing out at you earlier… Sorry. I don’t know why I got so angry back at the house.” 

You want to roll your eyes and tell him the answer to his obliviousness. Surely he should know why. It’s because you like me, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s a big conclusion to jump to, but it’s the only reason that would justify his jealousy after seeing you and Leehan together. 

Taesan takes the chopsticks off of the cup ramen, breaking them apart and mixing together the noodles. Bringing a wad of noodles into the air, he gently blows on it, the steam rising into the air. You gasp at the smell, suddenly reminded of the intense case of munchies you were experiencing. He hums as he finishes cooling down the bite, bringing the chopsticks to your mouth. “Here.” 

Is he trying to feed you? Your eyebrows raise in shock, moving away slightly before leaning in, accepting the food he was holding out for you. The smile he gives you as he watches you eat is sickeningly sweet; he looks content seeing you so happy while you eat. Taking the chopsticks from his hand, you mirror his actions, except this time you offer a bite to the boy currently watching your every move.

It was cute the way he looked like a surprised puppy once he realized you were giving him a bite of his own. He opens his mouth, letting you feed him the cooled-down noodles. You watch as a blush creeps up his neck once more; he covers his mouth as he chews, looking away to avoid your gaze. “Thanks.” He utters, voice quiet with the way he was currently refusing to face you.

This side of Taesan is what truly baffled you. Despite your tendency to fall for people quicker than most, you were smart enough to catch onto the signs of someone liking you back. And in Han Taesan’s case, it couldn’t be clearer to you– his usual cool-guy image disappearing when it comes to you, his atypical moments of concern, his jealousy when it comes to other men, his current acts of service. 

Even to Woonhak and Jaehyun, it sounded like Taesan liked you. The only thing that made you question your theory was the fact that he seemed to have a tendency to run. To run away when things between you two became a little too real. But what was holding him back from being honest with himself? 

“Do I make you nervous, Dongmin?” You wanted to try and pry the words you wanted to hear out from him. 

Now, he reminded you of a deer caught in headlights. His head snaps back towards you, eyes the widest you’ve ever seen them. His sudden movements make him choke on the ramen he has in his mouth. Your hand immediately moves to his back to pat it as he coughs. Pushing your bottle of water towards him, he gladly takes a swig from it to end his coughing fit. “Why do you think that? Do I seem nervous around you?”

“Sort of. I can’t really think of a good way to describe it right now.” You pick up the chopsticks that were resting on the side of the cup to take another bite into your mouth. “But I feel like there’s more to you than what you let on.”

He’s resting his head on his hand now, elbow propped up on the metal table. “What do you mean? You think I’d be different than I am now?”

“Not exactly. In fact, I think the way you act with me is what I’d expect from you. It’s more like… With what little I know about you, I’d think you weren’t this sweet just based on how you look.”

“...Is there something bad about the way I look?”

You scoff, playfully pushing his shoulder. “You can’t seriously be acting like this right now. Everyone on campus thinks you’re hot.” It’s true, yourself included. 

“Oh, is that so?” His lips curve up into a smile. You both know damn well that he’s attractive. 

“Whatever,” Grabbing the drink sitting in front of him, you wash down the taste of your last bite. “I think I’ve almost got you figured out, Dongmin. There’s just a couple things I can’t quite place.” It’s only somewhat true, but you were hoping saying this would make him open up about himself more. 

 “If that’s the case, you could’ve just asked me, angel.” Taesan looks taken aback at your admission. In all honesty, he doesn’t know what you’re referring to, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to find out. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything, really.”

“Anything?”

“You realize you probably know nothing about me, right? I’d say the same about you.”

“What? That’s not true,” He pauses for a second to think about what he could possibly recall about you, only to find that you were right. “Oh. I guess you have a point.” He scratches the back of his head, feeling guilty agreeing with what you just said. “It’s weird, though. I feel like I’m comfortable with you even if we don’t know each other that well.” 

“So, are you going to tell me more about yourself or should we just keep pretending we’re friends like we have been this whole time?” 

He pouts at you. “You don’t think we’re friends?” 

“...Okay, I’ll get going then.” You glare at him as you clean up your mess, dumping it into the empty ramen cup. You move to stand up, only to find him tugging gently on your sweatshirt sleeve and pulling you back down into your chair. 

“Sorry, I was just joking,” He gives you an apologetic look before straightening his posture and turning to face you better. Your knees were touching now, faces only a couple feet away from each other. “Where should I start, then? My MBTI or something?”

“Whatever you feel like telling me, Dongmin. I’m not looking for anything in particular.” You shrug. You truly didn’t know anything about him from just your interactions and what you heard people say about him, which weren’t necessarily the best, to say the least. Anything he said would be new information to you.

“I don’t really think MBTI is that serious, but I’m an INTJ. I wanted to be an idol until I graduated middle school, but I don’t think that kind of spotlight fits me too well anymore. That’s why I settled on being a music major instead. I think I’d rather be behind the scenes instead of being on the main stage all the time.” 

You can feel a smile creeping up on your face at the way he’s genuinely indulging in your request. “I can see it. You being an idol, that is.”

“You think so? I don’t know. Seems pretty tiring to keep up an act like that all the time. Plus, I think I’m happy where I am right now,” Taesan looks down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs as he continues. “It’d be hard to not be able to see my family all the time as an idol.”

“Your family?”

“Yeah, I have two younger siblings back at home. I miss them a lot, even if I’m not that far from home. It’s kind of sad to think that I miss out on watching them grow up when I’m at school.” 

You place your hand atop his, making him stop his fidgeting. Just like that, Han Taesan felt a lot more real to you. He feels like Han Dongmin. “I’m sorry. It must be difficult for you then, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, sometimes.” He takes your hand in his, playing with your fingers now instead. The action makes you giggle to yourself; he really resembled a big baby. “It’s fine though, I text them all the time. My dad’s always sending me pictures of our new dog or them having dinner together. It’s not like I can’t call them when I want to. I’m just grateful.”

You hum in acknowledgment. “Yeah, I get it. It’s nice having some of my friends from high school go here too, otherwise, I think I’d be way too homesick for my liking.”

“Are you far from home then?”

“I’m only a couple hours away, but I’m kind of sappy when it comes to things like that. Like, I find a lot of sentimental meaning in different things, and my hometown obviously holds a lot of that for me, growing up there and all.” 

“It’s great you have people here you know though, seriously. When I first got here, I knew no one. I only met Leehan by chance at some club event I went to.” Taesan lets out a small laugh at the memory. “He was a lot different back then, I’d say. He pisses me off sometimes, but he’s a good friend most of the time. Dude’s a lot more normal when it’s just us at the house together.” 

You think back to your few interactions shared with his roommate. How different could he have been if that’s the way he acts now? It’s hard to imagine Leehan anything else than your typical college fuckboy, but you initially saw the boy sitting next to you the same way, so you don’t write it off as impossible.

“I don’t know why I’m talking about him. He’s been annoying me lately,” The grip he has on your hand tightens slightly, but quickly returns to his previous gentle hold. “Who are your friends from home? Sungho and Riwoo?”

“Huh? No, I only met them last year, but they’re the best. It was some dumb assigned group project thing, but we get along really well. I’m usually hanging out with my friends Jaehyun and Woonhak, though.” Saying their names aloud reminds you of how they pleaded with you to drop Han Taesan just days before this– yet here you were, your hand in his as you talked about your lives in the middle of the local convenience store. 

“Ah, Woonhak? He’s younger than us, right?” You nod, completely forgetting that Woonhak was the reason you found out that there was another girl Taesan was currently entertaining. “He’s funny, I’ve hung out with him a few times here and there. He keeps asking me to show him what songs I’ve been writing recently.” 

This makes you think they were closer than they really were, but you knew it was just Woonhak’s usual (endearingly) nosy self at work. “Wow, Woonhak gets to hear them but I can’t?” You pull your hand away from him to grab at your chest, pretending that the realization broke your heart. 

“Come on baby, don’t be like that.” Taesan takes your hand back into his, letting them rest where your knees meet. “I can show you sometime, just not now though. I’ve been working on something special recently, and it’s not perfect yet.” 

“Do you call everyone that?” His eyes meet yours, tilting his head to the side slightly. 

Upon understanding what you’re trying to get at, he waves his free hand in front of you defensively. “Ah, it’s not like that. Just force of habit, I guess?”

“Okay, so by force of habit, you mean yes. I got it.” Taesan opens his mouth to defend himself again, but you cut him off. “Don’t freak out, I don’t really care. We’re friends, right?” You laugh to yourself at the irony of your own statement. Yeah, friends who kiss and call each other pet names. So stupid. 

The chime above the door jingles as a group of very obviously inebriated college students come in, loudly seeking out food to satisfy their drunk cravings. “It’s getting late, can I walk you home properly now?” 

Quickly cleaning up after yourselves, you both make your way out of the convenience store before you run into more groups of people coming back from the parties that just ended. Taesan grabs your hand as you start walking, interlocking your fingers in his. You were surprised, but definitely not complaining. The way his large hand felt in comparison to yours was addicting; you’d never let go if you could. Feeling your phone buzz in your pocket, you use your free hand to see who’s texting you. 

2 new messages from “babygirl minnie”! Minnie: babe r u coming home tonight or do i need to pick u up from somewhere 🤔 Minnie: i’m going to sleep in like 20 mins lmk ASAP or ill kill u 😘 to: “babygirl minnie”! You: yes mother i’m omw back now �� u dont need to stay up someone’s walking back with me

You watch the screen as she hearts your message almost immediately, and you slip your phone back into your pocket. “Who’s that?” Taesan asks, who was peering over his shoulder while you replied.

“It’s my roommate. She’s worried I’m not going to get back safe.” 

“I would be too if I had a beautiful girl like you as my roommate walking all by herself at this time.” His hand squeezes yours gently as you walk, the night sky littered with stars. The route you were taking home wasn’t your usual route. In fact, it was the longest path you could take without straying too far off campus. Was it so wrong to want to hold hands with Han Taesan as long as you possibly could?

“I wish I got to see you like this more often, Dongmin.” 

“Well, you’re seeing me now. That’s not enough for you, angel?” His steps slow down, making you stop as well. 

“That’s not what I meant. It was nice to talk to you normally for once.”

“Ah, so my girl wants to talk to me more. I’m just a call away, you know.”

You scoff at his words. “We both know that’s not true.” If you even tried calling, would he bother to answer? For all you know, he’d just go back to leaving you with nothing but radio silence for days on end.

“…I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“What I want to know is why you treat me so nicely and then disappear for a week?” It might be the effects of your high coming to an end, but you suddenly feel all the frustration you’d previously felt when it came to Taesan coming out of nowhere. “Fuck, I hate to ruin the nice moment we just had but it’s hard not to say something when you make me feel like an idiot every time.”

In front of you, Taesan stares back with a blank expression. Nothing. It’s as if he doesn’t even know what he’s been doing to you. Seeing his face just angers you further. “Hell, I don’t even know why it’s so hard for me to not come running back to you the second you call. I look ridiculous going back to you even when my best friends told me not to.”

“Y/N, calm down. You’re thinking too deeply about things right now. Maybe it’s the weed.” Taesan tries to put his hand on your arm, but you pull away immediately. You felt like he wasn’t hearing anything you were saying. 

“Am I just someone you hit up when you’re lonely? Just someone who’s conveniently always going to answer? That’s the last person I’d want to be to you.”

“C’mon, sweetheart. You’re more than that to me, okay?” 

“I wish I could find it in me to believe you, Taesan.” 

“I don’t like hearing you call me that.” Hearing his nickname come from your mouth felt like an arrow to the heart, for some reason. It all felt wrong. You shouldn’t be calling him that intentionally; it wasn’t right coming from you. Taesan didn’t want you to see him the same way everyone else did, but he couldn’t explain why.  

“Even things like this, like calling you by your real name. You make it feel like you genuinely care about me, even when you have other girls wrapped around your finger the same way you have me. It’s like you go out of your way to make me feel special only to forget about me the next day!”

“Darling, you are special to me. I don’t know how else to prove it to you.” He couldn’t be serious. How did he expect you to feel special when, for all you know, he could be treating his next girl the exact same way? 

“You confuse me, Taesan.  Because just now, in that convenience store, you seemed like you were telling me things you haven’t told other people, but I know that the chances of me even hearing from you tomorrow are slim.”

“You’re acting like we’re dating or something. We were never anything like that, Y/N.” He spits back without thinking, feeling equally as frustrated now. The night air felt colder than it did before. Whether or not Han Taesan reciprocated your feelings, he was completely oblivious to his actions. Leehan was right. Taesan wasn’t yours, nor were you his, but you felt like tonight told you everything you needed to know. 

Your mouth opens in disbelief. “Don’t say that shit to me,” You turn on your heel, angrily resuming your way back to your apartment. Taesan raises his arm, debating on whether or not to try and stop you from ending the conversation as is, ultimately letting it fall back to his side. You look back at him after a few steps. “I’m fine going home on my own, so don’t bother following me to my place.” 

Han Taesan knew he screwed up. 

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[fukurodanni]

love for the rich and emotionally stunted: a comprehensive guide

ch. 2/7 -- prev. -- next. pairing: jumin han x f!reader warnings: n/a series summary: in the months following the incident with his father's most recent paramour, glam choi, the corporate heir of C&R finds himself discovering exactly what it is that makes a person in love so blind. ao3 link

note: sticking a read more right at the beginning. u kno how it is. thank you for sticking around i'll try my best to keep updates within a week or so!

(weeks prior.)

Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.

Jumin Han

She talked to me today.

ZEN

??

Who?

707

She??

There’s a she?!

Jumin Han

Oh.

I must have neglected to mention it.

ZEN

????

Last time there was a “she”...

Jumin Han

… No.

There’s a woman at my office.

Jaehee Kang

Does she work for you?

Jumin Han

Yes

707

That took an awfully long time for you to type lolol

Are you sure~~

Jumin Han

Yes. She wears a lanyard.

Jaehee Kang

Do you not know her name??

Jumin Han

I should think it would seem impolite after… all that.

Jaehee Kang

???

ZEN

?????

All that WHAT?

Jumin Han

I only caught a glimpse of her lanyard. I don’t know.

ZEN

Dodged my question… T_T

Jaehee Kang

Is this that woman you see in the mornings?

Jumin Han

How did you ....

ZEN

?!?!

707

Is our Jumin finally getting some?!

I’m so proud. Haha T_T

Jumin Han

Getting some… what?

Jaehee Kang

I can look into her.

For research purposes. Of course^^

Jumin Han

;;;

I only just started seeing her this month.

At the door. Seeing her at the door.

707

Seeing her OTL

Maybe she’s your future lover come to save you^^

Jumin Han

I doubt that.

ZEN

Yeah lolol

I doubt it too

And right after the Choi thing?? No way.

707

T_T

Ur right

There’s no way...

-

“Do you play video games, Mr Han?”

That’s a new one. “Where would I find the time?” He asks, thinking of Yoosung. “It’s a useless hobby.”

“That was a quick answer,” you reply. “Who hurt you?”

Jumin raises a brow, inquisitive. “No one.”

“Okay,” you say, the beginnings of a grin playing on your lips. “Who ruined video games for you?”

He thinks of the dark smudges under Yoosung’s eyes, the awful typos and the messages at 3am. It’s only a little funny. The door closes behind them. “No one in particular.”

“You’re smiling, Mr Han. Just a little.” You smile too at this, tilting your head in that curious way of yours. When you reach the lobby and then your separate ways, Jumin spares a glance at you.

He wants to say something more, something lodged very deep in his throat that comes out dry breath. He’s never been too good at small-talk, not with colleagues, not with business outside of work. He wants to be, just a little.

He’s not quite sure how that came to be.

-

It’s beyond embarrassing the way he comes up to you in the cafeteria. “You work here,” he says, a very belated realization.

You blink a few times, as if processing. “Yes,” you say slowly. “I have a lanyard.” You wave the offending item around and Jumin finally, finally catches a glimpse of your name.

“I see,” Jumin says, because that’s all he really can say. “Work hard.”

He consults his phone right away, willing the heat from his face and opening the messenger app. It goes as well as expected when he mentions it so vaguely-- Hyun rags on him for his lack of conversational skills and Yoosung drops a line or two about his own miserable love life. In any case, Assistant Kang’s information on you had only reached him earlier today and in a way he’s still coping. It had been baffling to say the least, finally having everything in front of him rather than scattered in the bits and pieces of your dialogue.

You work, technically, in the same position Assistant Kang does. Only in the fashion department, of which Jumin had strategically ignored after Echo Girl and the Chois. It really isn’t his fault he hadn’t noticed you-- not since before this month when you began arriving so consistently.

“Something on your mind?” Assistant Kang asks, looking up from where she’s shuffling through a stack of papers. It isn’t unusual for her to break the silence with a quip-- she’s always been good at easing into a mode of conversation that takes the edge off. As a good assistant and employee should, of course. Jumin wonders if he should relay this to her.

“Nothing,” he says instead, because surely she already knows. “Is it polite to bring gifts for someone you’re sure you will be seeing every morning?”

She raises a thin brow. “Who-- that woman at the fashion department?”

Jumin deigns not to answer right away, looking down at the state of his nails and the tick of his wristwatch. “Surely there must be some etiquette about that.”

-

Jaehee Kang

Buy her coffee.

ZEN

Get her a promotion lol

707

A new car!!!

Yoosung★

Maybr a nicce pen

??

-

“Any favorite TV shows?” You ask one morning. “Personally, I’m fond of office romances.”

Jumin lags for a moment, waiting to catch up. It isn’t an unusual occurrence. “Is that an innuendo?”

You smile, a little flushed-looking, and wave a hand. “Nope. Not at all.” When you look at the second coffee in his hand, though, it seems you need a second to catch up yourself. You’d mentioned offhandedly how you take your coffee the day before, and today something had stopped him at the threshold of the coffee shop he stops at every morning. Funny how things work like that.

“This is for you,” he says determinedly, and you smile a little but there’s still an edge.

“You dodged my question.” You state simply. Jumin does not know what to say.

He thinks about it for a moment, really thinks about it. The only thing that really comes to mind are the Sunday morning programs, and he doesn’t really know them off the top of his head. Maybe the morning news. “No TV shows. Next question.”

“Okay then,” you say, “Any pet peeves?”

Jumin smiles a little. It isn’t really conscious, but he’s finally figured out a way to respond and he just hopes it takes well. “Women who stop me at the door in the morning.”

“Oh,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee. You hum appreciatively. He feels strangely, indirectly accomplished. “Shame. Mine’s men who give me three word responses when I ask them things.”

He scoffs, although it isn’t as hard as it usually comes out. “I answered that in a sentence.” He says, very assuredly. When he looks back at you there’s a softer smile at your lips, rounded at the corners and not quite so mischievous as he’s seen it look before. It looks fond.

“I know,” you reply. He feels a little warmer now, turning the corner where you two part ways. You offer him a two-fingered salute, a “See you in the morning!” and a final turn.

And then you’re gone.

-

The next time the conversation lingers long past the lobby it’s because you’ve coaxed him into talking about Elizabeth III. There’s a point where you’ve reached the elevator and he’s talking to you about her care routine and the minutiae of what it takes to keep her fur so soft and pristine (much of it is her own work and her natural beauty-- of course) and he’s only barely aware of how long he’s been going on, but he pauses to look at you. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, between Jaehee’s hesitancy and Luciel’s rabid praise and Hyun’s outright disgust--

But there’s something about the way you’re looking at him when he’s finished, curiouser and half-curved into a smile. And he’s been on the receiving end of that before-- his father’s lovers, interviewers and subordinates-- but none of them have ever seemed so affectionate.

He’s seen the same look before when it’s Jaehee with a new photocard, the way Yoosung danced around Rika. It’s the glint in Luciel’s glasses when he gets to working and it’s something, something.

You look like you’ve seen something beautiful.

Which is understandable to him, really, having just shown you pictures of his Elizabeth III. What he understands less is the way you’re looking at him and not the open phone, caught up in a silence that seems way too heavy for a conversation about his cat. Even when the elevator dings it’s with some trepidation that you leave first, a memory, a discovery pulled taut between you two.

“I hope I get to meet her sometime,” you say.

Jumin nods, wordless. The delight on your face at such a simple gesture fixates itself in the forefront of his mind until he returns home to Elizabeth, flickering like hell and unbidden and unexpected but not exactly unwelcome. It’s just as confusing to him as it sounds on paper.

-

Somehow Jaehee gets to you first.

For all the time he’s spent working with Jaehee, working around her and in her general proximity, he doesn’t actually know what time she gets into the building. She seems like an inevitability, something constant and fixed and always there.

So when he holds the door open for two women, Jumin is feeling like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Especially since the two of you seem to be chatting so jovially, shaking her hand with both of yours when you go to part.

There’s another something clogging his throat, a cloying want and a halfhearted desire to draw that same laugh from you, that same open brightness. He hasn’t let himself feel so much about one person-- one particular and fixed point in his life. Jumin feels like he’s chasing-- some feeling, some unnamed ball of fire-- a meteor, blazing and brilliant and too much to be real.

It’s too much to be compared to anything else, not when Sarah Choi was an unlit match next to what a beaming bonfire you are. Suddenly Jumin feels more tightly wound than he usually does.

And really, truly, it feels like a lot to handle, so he turns on his heel after silently handing you the coffee and begins to march. It feels like karmic debt for not having experienced these things as a schoolboy, and then only once as an adult. He doesn’t even know if the one time counted.

“Mr Han--” you say, and it happens at the same time he holds his breath to turn again. Just to look, to see if you appeared as off kilter as he felt. Maybe the world had rotated wrong today.

You stop there in your tracks and he really does believe for a moment that the world has gone astray-- because then it would explain the way air isn’t getting to his lungs right. He inhales just to make sure and before any other dialogue comes from your lips he asks, “Walk with me?”

You both take the elevator then.

-

Jaehee Kang

She’s a very nice woman.

Yoosung★

Huh?

707

U met her?!?!!

Tell me everything

-

It makes your mornings longer, the introduction of the elevator route. He isn’t sure how it became mutual agreement and routine, the same way the cup of coffee steams in your hands and the way you ask after Elizabeth III. The way the door gets held open.

Jumin isn’t sure how many mornings go by, how many of them are spent dreading the chime of the elevator, but one of them brings a much quieter you. And you’re usually such a whirlwind of life, pulling him toward and towards you-- he’d be lying to himself more than usual if he said he wasn’t worried.

You look like you’re steeling yourself too, and you’ve never done that-- there isn’t a thing you’ve said to him that was measured or prepared. You’re kind of like an overexcited puppy, and he’s never been too fond of dogs.

He feels something slide out of place, something like a realization that’s far grander than he knows, hovering at the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t know what it is yet, not really. He’s barely out of his head, ready to ask if you’re alright--

And you cut him off. Like you did that first morning, knocking the breath from his lungs and everything else out of place. Jumin likes things neat and tidy, likes things where they should be, where he’s used to seeing them. You aren’t too good for him, he thinks.

Then you ask, “Would you want to go out sometime?” And he has no reference materials and no forewarning and no prepared response. The odds are against him.

So against all odds and every simmering nerve in his body he says, “Yes.”

tags: @vandysgf @mrs-han

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I need more RinHaru in my life seeing as the 2021 movie will hopefully be happening this year. Can you tell me what your favourite moments from the drama CDs and magazine interviews etc... are? ((I'm curious because there might be something I missed))

yeah, the whole movie of them being on the same team... still feels like a miracle. also if Rin brings the handmade talisman Haru gave him to the competitions, can we officially call them married then? everyone, keep their eyes on an owl in Rin’s bag during the olympics.

omggg idk there’re too many, toooooo many... EVERYTHING?

- the whole sleepover, esp Haru reading Rin’s “my shining” essay about him and Haru smiling while looking at sleping Rin and sofly saying “sweet dreams”;

- Haru asking Rin to go see sakura with him before he leaves for Australia after s2, cause he wanted to be alone with him for a bit (that was just T_T);

- their bet about their height and who’s gonna carry who bridal-style, Haru asking Rin several times, why he wanted to hold him in his arms so badly, Rin refusing to answer him, and Haru asking if he can undress for this and just be in his swim trunks (I’m... I don’t even know what to say about the whole thing and Rei’s “Nagisa-kun, I don’t think we should look at that”, when he saw them);

- Haru teasing Rin about loving romantic movies and calling him “onii-chan” (I swear sometimes Haru is possessed by the devil, when he’s with him lmao);

- Rin winning a keychain, but giving it to Haru, knowing that he wanted it;

- the whole car date, of course; but especially the moment when Rin tries to put Haru’s seat down so he’d sleep comfortably, and then Rin falling asleep so fast without his pillow, cause Haru is close and Haru watching him sleep; 

- Haru laughing, when he got Rin’s silly text about his recipes on his birthday (fuck, that was seriously too cute);

- Rin getting jealous when he heard Haru calling Gou “cute” during the interview, then getting super sad, then getting super desperate, then being able to breathe again, when Haru said “I just repeated what Nagisa says”. (”Y...you... you really think that?” omfg Rin... seriously, he’s so easy to make fun of xD, Haru, you ass);

- Rin offering to do a water related contest during the contests suggestion, just to make Haru happy; Haru asking for a Loosey-kun quiz and Makoto asking “who is that?” and Rin without skipping a bit just going “the fish from his weird under the sea game. well, fuck, you know...” (well, fuck, apparently, you know, Haru’s favorite, Haru’s lucky charm, cause he gave this shirt to you, so you’d sleep well);

- Haru asking Rin to make him rainbows in the pool, like when they were little, “just for you” (rip my heart);

- Haru working at Mcdonalds and Rin flirting with him and ordering his smiles instead of food in front of the whole Samezuka team, and threatening to complain to the manager if he won’t give him one;

- Haru giving Rin his favorite Loosey-kun shirt, when he got soaked in the rain;

- Rei asking to record some short video-messages for everyone in Iwatobi and Rin doing all great, until Rei says “and for Haruka-senpai?” and Rin short-circuits after “for..for Haru..”;

- Rin telling Rei that he loves the book he’s reading and then saying that the main character reminds him so much of Haru (oh god);

- Haru being happy and shining, when Rin called him “the only mackerel-man in existence” and Makoto going “why are you glowing like that? was it a compliment for you, cause it’s coming from Rin?”;

- pancake contest and Rin suggesting that he’s gonna dress up as maid for Haru and he can carry him in his arms if he loses (yeah, don’t ask me, idk what to say);

- Kisumi setting them up ona beach date and Rin’s “Kisumi is confusing. Once I thought we were gonna all hang out together, but when I went to the Iwatobi beach only Haru was there.” (my god they’re dense);

- Rin eating the mackerel pizza he hated, just because Haru cooked it;

- Haru’s “but even when he’s far away, I will be able see Rin, when I swim, right?” during his interview with Makoto (tears are real, my god how I’m glad the Australia is finally over);

- Rin's speech about how “going on a trip with your lover is completely different from going on a trip with your family or friends.” (I’m just...);

- their New Year’s fortune drawing (lmao Makoto was so embarrased just standing next to them haha I die);

- Rin buying the mascot strap that Nagisa asked, but then remembering that Haru liked it and buying the one for him too, then saying that he’s gonna buy random things for Haru now, cause he liked it a lot, when Hary said “thanks” (weird kink, but ok lol);

... I don’t know, the list can go on for forever, everything is my favorite, I don’t even think I can remember all the cuteness in one go. if I ever did, I feel like it’s gonna be an endless post, in my mind it all just merged in one giant bowl of love.

[infjparadox]

The types I know in real life - as an INFJ

The ISFJ father.  Growing up, he was a bit of a micro-manager, and both of us were so stubborn that our J clashed pretty hard, especially when he pushed me to complete scholarships and laborious things that would benefit my future.  He ALWAYS wanted to do some activity together (sports, outings, family gatherings, etc), and in my teen years, I just valued creative, independent pursuits (he didn’t understand the value in those hobbies at the time - now he’s my cheerleader).  Since graduating college, we’ve become good friends, although he still over-does and over-plans everything.  We share similar values regarding our interpersonal relationships and work, as well as a similar sense of humor, and I can get that intuitive conversation out of him by asking him to tell me stories about his childhood.   He’s a fantastic storyteller. 

The INFP mother.  My mother is a kind (but anxious) woman and a fantastic role model. She’s super creative, but also incredibly introverted.  I remember she’d often tell me to find a way to entertain myself growing up (probably driven mad by my intuitive inquisitions), and that led me to many of my independent hobbies, like drawing, music, and film. (And possibly resulted in a love language of quality time, lol I love attention).  As an adult, I can now claim her as my best friend.  We can talk for hours about the abstract, ideals, and emotions.  I tease her constantly, and we laugh ourselves to tears.  

The ENFJ sister.  Confident, idealistic, and a blogger type.  We don’t get along very well, but I blame it on her not being a very matured or healthy ENFJ (and she’s been diagnosed with OCD, so there’s that).  When she’s in a positive place, we joke that we have ESP because we always have similar thoughts / reactions to interactions (Ni) and we both enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and creative pursuits, but we value those experiences differently.  For example, she loves movies for the emotions and her ability to relate to the characters, while I love them for the storytelling, the script, the cinematography, the character arcs, etc.  She loves people and organizing parties / social events.  She’s also that person on Instagram sharing all the inspirational quotes.   

The ISFP boyfriend.  Charming, easygoing, and well-rounded. Appears as an extrovert to an outsider, but in reality, he just enjoys activities that engage the five senses and his close circle of friends. He’s the absolute best at living in the moment, and he knows how to pull me back to earth and to see the more rational, objective side of things.  Loves working with his hands, and has about 3 million hobbies, from skiing to biking to working on cars to making music to photography.  Sensitive to criticism, but loves playing the devil’s advocate.  Sometimes he can be incredibly impulsive, and other times, he’s hesitant to commit to future plans or big decisions (depends on what his Fi is telling him).  Values authenticity and independence above anything else.  Very capable of deep and stimulating conversation, but does better on lower rungs of the abstract ladder that are rooted in science, physics, conspiracy theories, politics, or something he can contribute facts and real world experience to.  Dislikes conflict and being put in a box.  Other than the INFP, the only other type who does not drain my energy tank.  I’m confident that we’ll be lifelong friends and soulmates, come what may.

The INFP friend.  We clicked instantly while studying abroad, and we were able to talk for hours about anything and everything, while respecting one another’s feelings.  Super easygoing.  He’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met, and he always asks me questions that feed the conversation.  Musically inclined, authentic, and frustratingly neutral about some of the topics I care about so passionately.  He’s also one of the most aloof people I know -- and he absolutely sucks at communication.  But even though I haven’t talked to him in 7 months, I still consider him one of my platonic soulmates.  

The ENFP bff.  Another soulmate.  A total goofball, selfish at times, but also a martyr when it comes to those she loves.  She’s one of the few people who have truly attempted to understand everything about me and pry me open -- almost to the point that it’s uncomfortable.  Loves talking about emotions (extensively). Judges people based on their zodiac sign, but she’s also incredibly insightful, perceptive, and “street” wise (she learns a LOT from her experiences / mistakes).  She can be flighty though, and her goals change as swiftly as her attention span.  Gotta love her.

The ENTP bff.  A witty friend who will always offer me a stimulating conversation - whether it’s teaching me about historical fashion or exposing me to new concepts and ideas and political theories.  We can talk for three hours straight, but by then I’m incredibly brain-fried (and she could just keep going?!).  Up for a good natured debate whenever - less good natured when someone pisses her off.  I’m fairly certain I’m the only person she is completely honest with about her feelings (she struggles SO hard to open up).  She loves to travel and experience new things, as well as host parties and game nights.  She’s both a planner and a completely "in the spur of the moment” human being.  Hates willful ignorance and stupidity, and does not care about keeping the peace. I disliked her at first for her bluntness and arrogance, but now I love her to pieces.  Soulmate, for sure.

INTJ friend (long distance).  Very, very prickly to others, but warmed up to me instantly.  Arrogant, albeit extremely logical and intelligent.  Loves memes, biology, and good television.  Adores her girlfriend and gushes about her often (one of the rare instances where she’s a total fluff ball).  Kind of a dick, but also very funny and 100% there for companionable silence or intellectual conversation.  Enjoys being in a group of outcasts and detests most people.  We had a lot of weird things in common and joked about being long lost sisters, and I valued her promptness / dependability!  Her negativity kind of wore me out though (we were studying abroad, and she was homesick for most of it). 

The ENTJ boss.  I no longer work for her, but man, what a powerhouse.  Direct and blunt to a fault, but incredibly motivated and ambitious.  Will get things done, no matter what.  Big idea woman, not so great with the details and how her plans will actually (realistically) be implemented.  SO, so organized and anal, and yet somehow kind of a mess.  Surprises me when she’s emotionally vulnerable because she’s incredibly intimidating and intense.  Loves hosting parties and cooking for her coworkers / neighbors.  Those who are close to her know she has a good heart, but she can seem like a total b** to an outsider.

ISTP coworker.  She’s good at multitasking, and yet she runs late constantly.  Intelligent in the way she asks questions for clarity and a better understanding of a concept.  Calm, collected, and logical.  Creative and impressive in her projects (home remodel, upcycling crafts, etc).  Conversation is a bit surface-level at times and mostly centers around her day to day life experiences or family drama.  She’ll often ask me about my life and then tune me out because she quickly grows bored, as do many other sensors, rip T_T.  We’re a good team, though.

These are my personal experiences with / observations of particular individuals whose type I’m confident about, but they do not represent everyone of the same type.  If anything, I think this goes to show the range of personalities within a function stack.

[final-servamp-banter]

White Day: Iori

I really like his route but at the same time I find it kinda sad. Enjoy :3

Iori: Hello, is this [Your name]-san? It’s your Tsukimitsu Iori. Are you free to talk right now?

Iori: I apologize for getting straight to the point, but would you mind spending some time with me tomorrow?

Iori: Because tomorrow is White Day, of course. …… Huh? I thought you were excitedly waiting for my call, but…?

You: (Tomorrow…)

Player Choices:

1. I was hoping for it

2. I forgot

Option 1:

Iori: I thought so~ That’s good, that’s good. That means it was worth preparing a gift.

Option 2:

Iori: Eh~? That wounds me. Ahaha. I’ve prepared a thank-you gift just in case, you know?

[Rest is the same]

Iori: It will be a little late, but please come to the meeting place at around 10 PM.

Iori: Well then, see you tomorrow.

(He hangs up)

You: (… I wonder if it’ll get late because he has to give gifts to a lot of people)

~ 3/14 ~

Iori: [Your name]-san, sorry to keep you waiting. Please, get in.

You: (Eh, he came by car?)

Player Choices:

1. Is this your car?

2. You can drive?

Option 1:

Iori: No, this is the company’s. I’m sorry, I ended up coming after work just the way I was. It’s pretty embarrassing to come with such an uncool car.

Option 2:

Iori: Huh? Did I say I couldn’t? Or do I look like someone who can’t drive?

[Rest is the same]

Iori: I’ll drive safely. Ah, please put on your seatbelt properly.

Iori: Well then, today is White Day, isn’t it? Yes, of course I prepared a thank you gift. … Here you go.

You: (This box is from a famous high-end store…)

Player Choices:

1. A tart?

2. Millefeuille?

Option 1:

Iori: Yes. I can guarantee for the taste, so please take your time to eat it at home.

Option 2:

Iori: Yes, I really like millefeuille, too. I can guarantee for the taste, so please take your time to eat it at home.

[Rest is the same]

Iori: There are two in this box, so you can either enjoy it to your heart’s content alone, or eat it together with a friend.

You: (Two…?)

Player Choices:

1. I’m glad I get to eat a lot

2. I can’t eat that much

3. … Would you like to eat with me? [Note: Gives you another choice before the branch merge]

Option 1:

Iori: Ahaha, that’s good, I like people who can eat a lot.

Iori: Shall I take you to afternoon tea next time? There’s a restaurant I’m interested in, but their afternoon tea is for two or more people…………

Option 2:

Iori: Oh, you’re a light eater? Or do you dislike sweets?

Iori: In that case, please give it to someone else. Next time, I’ll prepare something else to make up for it. What would you like………

Option 3:

Iori: Ahaha, what a passionate invitation. I’m happy, but I’ll decline for today.

You: (… He refused…)

Player Choices:

1. …… I see

2. Why is that?

3. When would be good for you?

Option 3-1:

Iori: ……… Could it be that you perhaps don’t know much about me?

Iori: If you’re talking about me as a “human”, I’m proud of being reasonably above average, but if you’re talking about me as a “family man”, how should I say…

Iori: … I’m the lowest of the low who’s far beyond help. That’s how it is.

Iori: That’s why you, [Your name]-san, should definitely…………

Option 3-2:

Iori: Ahaha, why indeed? Hmm, should I answer it’s because I’m busy with work, or………

Option 3-3:

Iori: Ahaha, hmm, how about we eat together in the staff canteen next time? I do in fact go there occasionally, so I’ll treat you to desse…………

[Rest is the same]

Iori: ………………………………………… … Ahh, I’m sorry. It seems we got caught up in something troublesome.

Iori: Look back, they’re following us, aren’t they? Ahaha, that’s bad. Even though I thought I’d completely thrown them off my trail.

Iori: No, it’s no big deal. We’ll give him the slip quickly. Or, if we see a good alley, I’ll take care of them.

Iori: I’ll speed up a little, so please take care not to hit your head.

Iori: … Ahh, right. So…

Iori: Do you like ramen?

You: (Ramen?!)

Player Choices:

1. I like them

2. I don’t like them

Option 1:

Iori: I like them a lot, too, and there’s a good ramen place nearby. In the old days, I went to eat there with Toru and Toma after work. I miss those days.

Option 2:

Iori: Eh?! There are people in this world who don’t like Ramen? No no, there’s no way there are, it was a rhetorical question.

Iori: I like them a lot, too, and there’s a good ramen place nearby. In the old days, I went to eat there with Toru and Toma after work. I miss those days.

[Rest is the same]

Iori: So, I’ll get rid of the guys behind us quickly.

Iori: Once that’s done, how about we eat Ramen together? I’ll treat you, as an apology for getting you involved in this.

You: (… Ramen after work…)

Player Choices:

1. Do the three of you still go there?

2. Did the three of you get along well?

Option 1:

Iori: Ahaha, it’s great if you can ask such a thing in a situation like this. Very good.

Iori: I’ll always go if I’m invited. If I invite them, they refuse. That’s how it is.

Option 2:

Iori: Ahaha, it’s great if you can ask such a thing in a situation like this. Very good.

Iori: I did enjoy it. I think it’d be good if the other two felt the same. That’s all.

[Rest is the same]

Iori: Well then, please hold on tight. I’ll speed up some more.

[End]

---------------------

T/N: Literally, what “you” say after Iori hangs up is “[...] because he walks around and gives thanks”, but what’s meant is probably handing out White Day Gifts to a lot of people.

Iori in general has the tendency to draw out some vowels (”Lua-saaaaan”, "White Day desu neeeee”, etc), but it looks... Weird in English to go “It’s White Daaaaaay”. The English term for that I think is drawl? *checks* Yeah, drawl. So uh. Just know he speaks with a slight drawl.

About the “That’s why you, [Your name]-san, should definitely...“ - In Japanese, he also says “motto” at the end, which means “more”. I’d assume he’s about to tell you that you should go date someone who’s more of a family person, or nicer, or younger, or something like this - basically, someone who has (more of) a quality that Iori thinks he lacks.

I’m not 100% sure about the “If I invite them, they refuse” line. Japanese line is “断られたって誘います“ (kotowararetatte sasoimase). Sasou means “invite”, “kotowaru” means refuse, and “tte” is often used to indicate you’re quoting someone, so to me it sounded like he’s inviting them and getting “nope” as a reply.

Middle of a car chase. Iori:”So, do you like Ramen?”. His response if you say no though lmao. That’s how I feel if someone tells me they don’t like Marzipan. Like I’m aware there’s people like that but also....... you’re wrong. Also, the quiet (kinda somber, kinda romantic) music cuts out when Iori notices your pursuers, and after the Ramen question, a goofier music starts up again lmao.

But. “I’m the lowest of the low who’s beyond help” there is a STORY behind this and I want to KNOW it dammit! And I just! Iori!!! That just?? Sounds less like “I don’t want a family” and more like “I’ve given up on it because I think I’d do a terrible job” and DAMMIT I want this man to be HAPPY, PLEASE!!! T_T

[falling-pages]

Avec Moi (With Me): Tamaki x Renge

Welp, thought too hard about my favorite French pair and now I've got a new OTP. Please enjoy this fluffy one shot about them T_T

- There is French in this one shot! a translation will be provided at the end. -

Tamaki Suoh x Renge Houshakuji Genre: Fluff, Mafia AU What to expect: Fluff, first kiss, whump/caretaker, protective!Renge, injured!Tamaki Warnings: Mentions of guns, shootings, mafia violence

-

“Not too tight, Hikaru! You'll cut off his circulation!"

“Wouldn’t be any less useful than he is anyways.”

“If it’s too tight, maybe he’ll wake up and tell us.”

“He’ll wake up when his body allows.”

The words were muffled, buried through layers of cotton in Tamaki’s ears. Brief soundwaves rolled through his head, disappearing as soon as they were uttered. In between seconds-long spells of consciousness before falling under again, his brain rushed to decipher his predicament. He remembered being out on a mission. He remembered the cool steel of the pistol against his palm. He remembered spotting the sleek black car of his target--then he remembered a shout, a burning sensation in his thigh, Mori tackling him to the ground. There was darkness, Kyoya’s voice floating in and out, the squeal of tires on asphalt. Then, and ever since, more darkness.

But he couldn’t remember, for the life of him, how he ended up back at Headquarters.

Tamaki stirred at the feeling of something tightening around his leg. The pain triggered him, allowing him to open one eye. Dim light slithered through his lashes. The stirring pulsing of his blood rushed to his head, giving him the strength to sit up.

When he did, he was immediately pressed back into the arm of the couch, rough hands digging into his shoulders and pressure points. He tried to squeal, but his throat rubbed dry.

“Nuh uh, we aren’t letting you off that easy,” said a familiar voice. “After all the trouble you went through of messing up the mission and getting shot? Don’t think you’re getting out scot-free, boss. I’m not letting you pass out again.”

As energy rushed him, darkening the edges of his vision, Tamaki allowed the hands to push him down. The last thing he needed was to stand up too quickly and get a concussion on his way down. He struggled to even out his breathing until the hands let him go, until only one lay curled on his chest.

It was small and warm, long nails scratching through his shirt. He felt them crossing over his collarbone, scoping out the valley where this throat met his chest, lightly tracing his bicep and coming to rest over his heart. The touch kept him anchored, focused on staying awake to follow the gentle trail they left across his chest.

And when he opened his eyes, he saw those fingers belonged to Renge.

His heart rose in his throat. The perfectionist, the screamer, the one who consistently demanded 110 percent had her hand near his throat, and though he didn’t remember much of the mission, the excruciating pain in his lower thigh signaled something had gone wrong. He wasn’t ready to hear her yell at him---Kyoya may be the founder of this gang, but Renge ran the show.

His tongue felt too heavy to lift, leaving him speechless as he gazed into her caramel brown eyes. She looked displeased, but not at him; instead, directing that rage towards Hikaru and yelling something he couldn’t quite understand. But when she looked back at him, running her index finger down his cheek, there was something in her eyes that saved him from darkness.

“Bon garçon,” she praised as he held eye contact. She smiled, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, brushing her lips against the hot skin. He was burning up from his injuries and the alcohol poured down his throat. Her heart had clenched to see him pinned down and forced to swallow the bitter drink, but his only hope of surviving the surgery was if he were knocked out during it--which, as he laid there, looking up at her with big, sleepy doe eyes, had been an attested success.

The offending bullet laid on the coffee table behind her.

Renge continued to caress his forehead, unable to believe he was safe, lying in front of her, residual worry and relief bubbling in her chest. Hikaru sighed obnoxiously loud.

“Oui? Can we help you?” she snapped, curling her arm around Tamaki protectively, sheltering him from the abuse she knew was coming now that he was awake.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and knotted the bandage. His fingers ached--drawing the short end of the stick meant he was stuck on bandage duty all day while the others plotted strategy and revenge. Watching the two French lovebirds make eyes at each other wasn’t helping his attitude.

“Yeah, can you stop sucking face long enough to keep him awake?” he grumbled. “It’s bad enough we lost the target because he’s not smart enough to look both ways before firing. We don’t need to lose our second chance because you’re too busy telling him fairytales.”

Renge’s eyes flashed in anger, and if Tamaki weren’t there, he was sure she would have backhanded him to Timbuktu. In fact, Tamaki was so drugged up he probably didn’t know what planet he was on. Probably thought he was in France.

“Quit talking to him like that, too,” he added. “You’ll just confuse him.”

“No, confusion would be bombarding him with Japanese as soon as he wakes up!” she retorted. “I need a few minutes every morning to adjust from one language to another. Give him a break, especially since he’s just been shot!”

Shot?

Tamaki bucked against the pressure on his legs and swung his whole body up, hand flying to his side in search of his gun. His heart raced as it came up empty, eyes falling to his empty holster atop the coffee table. Right next to a bloody bullet.

Renge bolted and grabbed his shoulders again, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. It allowed Hikaru a chance to grab his legs, cursing when he saw the newly-bloodied bandage.

“See? Look,” he seethed. “I just changed this. Just leave before you make him have a seizure.”

His stomach grumbled, full of empty promises of a break, and he had his own injuries to tend to from the failed mission today. It didn’t help that Renge completely ignored him.

“Tu es en sécurité, mon chère," she whispered, dragging her hand along his back. She dipped her hand below his shirt traced shapes into his skin, all over the scars and old wounds that never quite healed right over the years. And yet, he was a masterpiece. “Je promets.”

Tamaki didn’t even notice Hikaru throwing up his hands and stomping away. Within the curtain of Renge’s hair he dove into the warmth of her skin, the smell of her jasmine and lily perfume, the way she cradled his broken body with soft hands, whispering familiar words in his native tongue--

He didn’t understand the words she spoke at first, while sleep and fear curdled inside his head; he just knew they sounded like home. Like fresh lavender growing outside his lattice window. Like lamb stew on a cold winter day. Like sunshine beating on his back as he swings from a tree. Despite the pain, he hadn’t felt that safe since coming to Japan.

“J'étais si inquiet,” she whispered into his hair, tears choking her voice. “Je pensais---mon Dieu.”

His arm came up to desperately grip hers, pushing himself further into her embrace like a thirsty man finding a spring. He wanted to swim in it, lap up all the comfort she exuded, breathe in that energy that reminded him of home.

Even as a yakuza member, with power and riches and enemies crushed beneath his feet, all he wanted was her, and the safety she provided.

“Je suis en sécurité?” he asked, hope clenching his heart. He pulled away from her shoulder to meet her gaze, tears sparkling in his eyes.

No failed mission, no rival gang, no pain, no missing target could take away from the peace he found in her lips as they pressed against his, his cheeks, his forehead, back down again to his mouth, tangled in each others’ arms.

The love was flush between as she pulled away with a gentle, promising smile.

“Oui,” Renge said, “avec moi.”

********

Translations:

Bon garçon: good boy Tu es en sécurité, mon chère: You are safe, my dear Je promets: I promise J'étais si inquiet: I was so worried Je pensais---mon Dieu: I thought--oh my God. Je suis en sécurité: I am safe? Oui, avec moi: Yes, with me

-

[bunny-hoodlum]

I'm not dead!

But I did totally blank out (afain) on this side of the interwebs and I am very, very sorry about that. 🥺 Tbh, I was going to ease back into the Tumblrsphere, cuz I had turned on notificiations for like all of a minute a couple months ago... And then I couldn't watch WandaVision in private listening mode without the audio cutting out from the notifications. XD I feel like I'm somehow showing my age because surely that shouldn't be such a hindrance... Well anyways, I turned off notifications right away and forgot about everything since then. Q n Q

My current brain space in order has been: Kipo: Age of the Wonderbeasts, Dr. Stone, Jujutsu Kaisen, Heaven's Design Team, I've dyed my hair 3 times again, I'm wondering when I can get my ears pierced budget-wise (I'm literally hitting my 13yo milestone at 30, I'm such a late-life bloomer)... I've been eating almost nothing but salad for the past week or two, Idk, the days blur together and time means nothing to me anymore... Going back to shows!!! My recent headspace is: My Hero Academia -- YES I'M FINALLY BINGING IT -- Tokyo Revengers, ODD TAXI (I loooove this unique anime, it's like a gritty Parappa Rappa), Shadows House ... I still have to watch To Your Eternity but I'm going to be all over that!! And I recently decided to watch Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle. I absolutely love it. What I wasn't loving was the Funimation captions being too early since jokes are ALL ABOUT THE TIMING! So I'm still on ep 4.

Will I ever really talk about any of these? Or draw fan art ever again? I have no idea. The urge never crosses. The images never visit my mind anymore.

I'm just dropping this here because it's been awhile and I am alive but I've just got the worst attention span and I will check my messages again just like I always do before I disappear again -- I'm not actively working on anything that I would share on tumblr so that is why I forget to come on here -- what was I getting to? Right, anyways...

I haven't forgotten about the stories I need to update and repost (like "Powerless") but my procrastination keeps kicking in because the amount of time it feels like I'll have to put in towards that stuff is overwhelming, and when it all turns into a multi-project sludge in my brain, I just go hide in video games and shiznots. 😔 Ugh.

Even the thought of updating on FFN is intimidating me. I'm pretty sure all my old files are gone by now because I haven't refreshed them. So to re-upload "Powerless" is literally going to be like from scratch. Not writing it, I mean the editing. The italicization and the bolding and the scene separation!!!

I wish I hadn't deleted it the first time after all. Q_Q It could've just sat there accruing hype or yearning or whatever. Ugh.

Okay, so why is my attention span so bad honestly? Well, I have the chance to not work slave wage and instead actually focus on my 'art'. Ofc my fine motor skills are rusty and my digital drawing program skills are severely lacking. When everyone else has kept at it, I fell behind. That's what it is and what it feels like. I'm just at a hobbyist level, like, it's really, really bad. And I'm struggling not to look back on my life and question why I didn't do more to make sure I went to art school. Like actually work buttloads to go to VCUArts. Idk, my mom 10 yrs ago was like 'you need a car', as if I can't exist anywhere outside her reach without one. But I would've tried to live in the dorms and just bike. UGH. WHY DIDN'T I JUST DO THINGS AND SAID FUCK ALL TO OTHER PPLS WORRYING??!

Sorry. Ahem.

On the other hand... There's Skillshare and Schoolism and things, and even some Youtuber art pros have discord critique days or whatever, and all that is supposed to be a better investment than 200k debt, but I still keep feeling like I avoided really important experiences and that I'm still disadvantaged. I'm prolly am being pessimistic but it feels so objectively true. Ugh. I just don't see the self-taught vs formal education gap ever closing in a satisfactory way.

I forget what my point is. I wish I could update my fics, I really wish I could schedule some time in, but I haven't been able to properly think about any of it for the past three weeks I think. Another thing that's currently occupying my headspace is an artist that goes by HeartMush. I don't want to @ them because I don't want them to see my whining, but I'm sooooo enamored with their skills and envious of their formal education. And other things. Which you could find on their website contained within their downloadable CV. T_T This person feels like a prodigy to me. Lesigh.

Anyways, if I ever come back again, hopefully it'll be some art that I'm proud of. Maybe whenever I get there, I'll have clearer feeling how much farther my goal really is, and that should be enough for me.

[sanghyukstattoos]

I'm sure of that. Dawon stans, show up here! 🙋🏻‍♀️ About your requests open, this is the best news ever 😍 So, let me think... What about something cute, I don't know well, maybe a cuddle night with a sweet make out session? Or a late night date watching the stars... Something like that. I'm lacking with my ideias these days, so feel free to improve it. And thank you ^.^ 💟 - 🦋

Date night 

Pairing: Lee Sanghyuk I Dawon x Reader 

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2699

Summary: Today, the heart- warming memories of how you two started dating came back to you and while work may not have been the best, it sure felt like the right day for a date with your loving boyfriend, Sanghyuk. 

A/N: Heyyy 🦋, I’m sorry for making you wait once again but here it is! *Presents proudly* I loved your idea and had such an amazing time writing it. Also, I’ve been receiving support on my other fic ‘Warmth’ and I’m really thankful for that so here is another fic that I hope you can enjoy!

Dates weren’t uncommon between the two of you but suddenly reminded of how much you love him, there had to be a date for a date somewhere in the near future. Since you started dating during the summer of last year, tooth- rotting fluff between the two of you made you shy. The kind of shy where you would smile widely but look away and try to force it off your face. You were embarrassed at how he made you feel so you tried to hide it and send subtle signs hoping he would get the hints.

Unfortunately he didn’t because anytime you would flirt, he would do the same under the guise of friendship. Ripples of frustration made its course through you and one day, all your pent up feelings splashed like a bucket of paint hurled across canvas. You didn’t go for the obvious options of screaming, shouting or crying but just kissing him. Pouring all your feelings into one kiss, relief flooded through you and the desire to hug him overcame you but holding back you hoped that at least this time he would be able to return your feelings. That is exactly what he did and ever since then, the both of you have been going strong. 

In the past couple of weeks there had been changes in your work. A change of leadership and office politics not only made the atmosphere tense but working with your team was hard. Back straight and unbiased smiles towards everyone, you made sure to do an excellent job of not getting involved in any drama. The outcome would be greater than getting involved however, it was eating away at you and you could see that the same was happening with your co-workers. The less the issue was treated, the more difficult it became to solve it. 

Break time came and you were about to leave when a buzz caught your attention. It may have been a passing moment’s worth of information travelling through your visual field but you knew it was him. 

Picking it up, you read, ‘’Hey, how is work? Are your co-workers still having that fight 😂😢’’ causing a smile to light up your face. 

Laughing, you texted back, ‘’Hey, work is still the same. Oh yes, they definitely are and this is making everyone antisocial 🤧 Feels great to be here, you know💀 How is your work?’’. 

Collecting your coat and making a headway for the elevator, you exited the building and walked towards the café opposite- not an unusual place to meet up with colleagues from different departments. 

Opening the door, you were greeted with the distinct smell of cinnamon and pecan nuts. Your eyes caught your friends sitting at different tables. They look like a bunch of students gossiping but the difference is that it’s over coffee. You smiled at the thought. They instantly recognised you and waves were exchanged. Making your way to the table and taking a free seat, a senior spoke, 

‘’I heard that there are some plans underway to build a building at the back’’ to which someone else replied, ‘’Is that where all the resources are going? We need more hole punchers though, because someone seems to be stealing all of them.’’ eliciting laughs from those at the table. 

Your phone buzzed back and opening the message, you read, ‘’Oh nooo, is my baby having a hard time? Don’t worry, some things take time so cheer up and hope for the best~~. Also, I’ve been thinking, since you need a break, why don’t we go on a date?’’. 

Your heart skipped a little at the mention of a date and you texted back, ‘’Ah yes, your baby is having a hard time T_T. Is there a small chance if any, for me to scream on the rooftop tonight? Thank you, I’ll be here waiting 🙋‍♀️ A date sounds super refreshing right now and I wouldn’t mind the idea ~^~’’. 

Online now he texted, ‘’Hehe, you’ll get plenty of hugs when you get home. Very funny or did you forget that we don’t have a roof? Obviously you didn’t so do you think our neighbours will call the police, they think we’re are crazy people already..’’

Resisting the urge to laugh, you replied, ‘’I don’t even know who our neighbours are, should I just call it a half day and head home? Time and place for our date?’’. 

‘’That’s cute ;) I’ll pick you up but at what time do you finish today? Also, I don’t remember our neighbours being scary or anything like that 😶. This one’s a bit random but one day, just one day, lets sleep in. The place is a surprise and no, it doesn’t matter how many times you budge me, I won’t tell you 😘 ‘’ came his reply.

Looking back up from the screen and sipping your coffee, you decided that you had a decent amount of time remaining. 

You texted him back with, ‘’I finish at 5:30 today, what about you? I could meet you at home if there is a lot of waiting time. It’s a bit random ahaha, I wouldn’t mind sleeping in and plus we could do it on a Friday so we have a three-day weekend. Because you won’t tell me, I’m super excited now. You may get into trouble if I call you right now but just wait, when we meet I’m going to shake it out of you😊’’. 

You could picture him laughing a little on the other side as he replied, ‘’I finish at 4:15 today so I’ll pick you up and don’t worry, it’s only a little bit of a wait. I love how we are scheduling a perfect time for us to be lazy and you know what? That sounds absolutely amazing to me right now so tell when you want to do that. Also, my lips are sealed 🤐 🤗 ’’. 

Excited for the date, a small smile reached your face as you texted back, ‘’I’d love that too so tomorrow let’s schedule it together. Alright, I guess I can wait for up to 6 hours 😑 I can’t wait to meet you though, see you soon.’’.

‘’Whoever said 6 hours is long? I can already see you frowning at the mention of that 😂 😂 . Anyways, see you soon babe’’ you read and pocketed your phone with the thought of a date lingering at the back of your mind. 

Break ended within the span of a couple of minutes and exiting the café, you made your way back to work. A small sigh escaped your lips thinking about the workload but you straightened your back and walked confidently pursuing the idea of dedicating these hours to doing what you loved the most. Even if it meant dealing with the tension, in hindsight, the office would most likely joke about it after it ended so until that time came, you just had to wait. 

Sitting at your desk, you took in a deep breath preparing yourself for whatever was to come. Powering through the work felt satisfying, if not, at ease because not only did you get most of your work done, it was almost the end of the day and you could finally see your boyfriend- the moment you had been waiting for. 

It had always been like this as the day was fun but the most exciting part was leaving knowing that you had done what you came for. In the elevator, your senior from another department walked in. Recognition flashed across your faces and you greeted one another but subtly, you felt nervous.

 Your co-workers absolutely, and you meant absolutely spent all day dreaming about how fit this man was. You couldn’t have disagreed more, nudging Sanghyuk forward as more fit even though he wouldn’t admit it even if his life depended on it. ‘’You okay?’’ he asked and you looked up, wondering what was happening. Small talk?. Nodding, you asked, ‘’You okay?’’ sealing the awkwardness in one question. After this you highly doubted any more words would be exchanged. 

Nodding, the rest of the ride was in silence and after exiting, the both of you parted ways like a middle parting hairstyle. Reaching for the doors, you kept a lookout for Sanghyuk’s car spotting it almost instantly. Inside, you could see him on his phone so you knocked hoping to scare him just a little bit and scared he was. Laughing as you opened the door, he placed a soft kiss on your lips, whispering a small, ‘’hey’’. Mouthing ‘’hey’’ back, he asked, ‘’Are you ready?’’. In excitement you replied, ‘’I’ve been waiting for this moment all day, so let’s go!’’. He laughed at your enthusiasm and you joined in, feeling content. 

‘‘By the way, you never told me where we’re going!’‘ you spoke suddenly, startling Sanghyuk. Ahahaha, he thinks I’ve forgotten, but forgotten I have not. ‘’Why do I feel like this is the start of you badgering me for information?’‘ he said as he laughed, rubbing his forehead. Nodding, you smiled replying, ‘‘Do we even know each other?’‘ drawing a laugh from him. 

‘‘Thank goodness the place isn’t that far away then’‘ to which you asked, ‘‘How far is it?’‘ knowing that wherever this place is, it was going to be at least half an hour away and that was enough time to break the surprise. ‘‘Forty five minutes’‘ he replied with a pink tint to his cheeks making you squeeze in delight. ‘‘Please tell me you can wait for that long’‘ he stated, making me look out the window and laugh. His eyes widened as you grabbed his hand in yours and you could tell from the look on his face that he was suspicious. 

‘‘You’re always doing something like that you know, like poking me or what not so honestly, I’m scared right now’‘ he said with a rush and almost immediately followed with, ‘‘Babe, I’m driving’‘. Suppressing the urge to tickle him, you wiggled your finger threateningly in the air as if to intimidate.

 Unimpressed and with the flattest look in his eyes, he stated, ‘’Bring it on. I’m just thinking right now, what’s the worst that could happen?’’ but you knew that his weakness was being ticklish, something you would love to voice loudly on speakers. Giggling, you raised it and dashed it as close to his suit jacket as possible, retreating when he smiled at your antics. Using a childish voice he said, ‘‘Cute’‘ dragging the end as far as the wide ocean and this time, it was your turn to be unimpressed. 

‘‘Wow, that’s mature’‘ which led him to give you an offended look. Bringing a hand to your mouth, you laughed to which he replied, ‘‘Coming from you?’‘. ‘‘Excuse me!’‘ you spluttered and the both of you sat there laughing. He shifted the position of your hands onto your lap and on the open road, the trees and the house passed by in a blur. If you looked back, the speed slowed down and everything was much clearer and resting your head on the headrest, you took in the fresh sandalwood scent of the car’s interior while the warm rays of sun ran across the dashboard as the ending of the trail led to his hand on the wheel. The backdrop a blur, your eyes traced the lining of his nose bridge all the way to his jawline, admiring his relaxed face. 

It wasn’t exactly a wonder but in the span of less than forty-five minutes, the sky had begun to darken. A pink and purplish hue descended mixing in with the darkness of the blue night sky. Among the low moon, the stars that littered the sky caught your eyes and this was the first time you had paid attention to the beauty of the sunset speaking gently, ‘’The sky is so pretty today’’. 

Looking up, he sucked in a sharp breath as he took in the stunning sight. ‘’It is’’ he said in agreement. Breaking the comfortable silence that enveloped the two of you, he stated with joy in his voice, ‘’We almost reached by the way’’ peaking your focus on your surroundings. 

‘‘Not a lot of people come here so we should have the place to ourselves’‘ he said, turning left and finding a parking spot. Stepping out, the wind blew calmly like the sea breeze at the beach- welcoming and pleasantly. Coming around the side, he hugged your hand in his own and tenderly tugged you along. 

‘’Where are we?’‘ you asked looking up at him with wide, honest eyes. ‘‘Somewhere where you can relax. A colleague recommended this place so I’m just as new to this place as you are.’‘ he ended with a twinkling laugh. Adorned with tiny, green plants, the pathway wasn’t lit but there was just enough moonlight for the both of you to walk up. From the distance, you realised how much wider the place actually was.

Sculpted, a dark green hedge was accompanied by dome- shaped, glossy bright orange flowers that could be seen even as night approached. It acted as an entrance and replaced all the signs welcoming confused visitors. Leading you towards a bench, the two of you took a seat side-by-side. He left your hand and instead wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you to rest your head on his chest. 

‘’Are you cold?’’ he asked and you shook your head disagreeing. ‘’You were right, this place is really relaxing. Thank you for thinking of me and bringing me here’’ you said in appreciation. Moving his right arm to the side of your head, he turned your head so that you were face to face with him. Eyes, a warm shade of dark brown, he connected his lips with yours.

Sweet passion fruit and milk chocolate, the sky blue hydrangeas bloomed; in the distant ambience of the place, a bird took its first flight, soaring. Carefully and softly, your lips moved with the flow of his lips which feel velvety and delicate. Leaning away, the both of you took a breath as he said, ‘’You know those people who you just click with? As in, you become their best friends and they become special to you. So always- I will always think of you.’’.

Your hands moved up to his face and capturing his cheeks, your lips met his. Connecting for the second time, he felt just as sweet as the first, like every kiss you had shared. Endearingly, he managed to daze you each time reminding you of the shiny and sugary glaze on doughnuts, simple and classic. 

Smiling, your hands moved to smooth his hair which really didn’t need any smoothing but you felt the need to press his face in between your hands. Slyly you said, ‘’I think I like you, like a lot’’ to which he chuckled and said, ‘’I like you a lot too so stay with me’’. ‘’I’m not going anywhere, I’m just here to bother you’’ you replied with a giggle and facing you he incredulously asked, ‘’Did you just ruin-?’’.

Laughing while shaking his head, he pressed a kiss to the side of your forehead making your cheeks turn pink. When you returned the kiss, he questioned, ‘’What was that for?’’ and looking at his flushed cheeks, you smiled at the accomplishment. ‘’Just so, for once, you can feel how you make me feel’’ you replied with a bright smile. 

Hand to his chest he acted like his chest was hurting and breathing hoarsely said, ‘’Slow down’’ making you laugh a little. Settling down, your head went back to lean on his chest. Fingers gently pushed your hair out of your face; you moved your arms to envelope his torso, feeling the toned lines. Lying in his embrace, the two of you sat and watched the stars.

 Therapeutic, your relationship was something that you looked forward to everyday because apart from seeing one another, new adventures and exciting thrills came your way. Ultra realistic stills of your time with him were printed and couldn’t be easily forgotten so together, you took baby steps, one day at a time.

[miyamorana]

First Lines

Stolen from @katvonbirb

Rules are: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

—

Tinsel and Mistletoe (VLD)

The sun is peeking through the curtains, the single ray of pale morning light landing right on his eyelid. Lance grabs the edge of his bedsheet and drags it over his face, smothering the light and silently cursing his past self for not properly drawing the curtains shut.

There Be Dragons (HP)

Harry and his godfathers move to London just after his 11th birthday. Sirius’ estranged mother passed away, and he inherited his childhood house.

Finally Free (JatP)

They’re arguing about the harmonies of their newest song when Flynn pushes open the door and announces that Julie and her need to talk about outfits.

“We don’t even have our next gig yet,” Luke replies. “We should finish working out this bridge before talking about costumes.”

Something Cosmic (RNM)

Guerin is… No, not Guerin, Alex admonishes himself. Michael. Michael is waiting for him by the car, leaning against it in a very cowboy posture, thumbs in the belt loops of his pants. He seems relaxed, but the way he quickly licks his bottom lip as he looks at Alex betrays his nerves. Alex smiles softly, pushing down his own nerves knotting his throat.

In the Morning (RNM)

Michael wakes up to a thundering headache, which isn’t fair. He didn’t even have anything to drink – he’s not stupid, he knows his metabolism doesn’t handle alcohol well. He does remember the taste of punch on his lips though. No. Not on his lips.

Rush (TW)

The snow creeks under Stiles’ feet, a soft, muffled sound in the stillness of the night. Everything is soft in the park. Muted, somehow, even though he can see in details he wouldn’t have been able to make out in daylight before.

Recommencement (Merlin)

Arthur déplaça la bougie afin de pouvoir lire le nom de la petite ville à l’orée de la forêt, faisant attention de ne pas faire couler de cire sur la carte. Il n’était pas sûr de quand la nuit était tombée exactement, mais les lampes avaient été allumées et une assiette de nourriture, toujours pleine et désormais froide, avait été posée à côté de lui. 

Of Magic and Duty (LoL)

Sometimes, Darius wonders how long Zaun is going to last before some experiment accidentally turns its already heavily polluted atmosphere completely toxic, or maybe simply makes the whole place explode. He just hopes it doesn’t happen while he’s there. That would be a very disappointing way to die.

In Earth’s Cradle (DA2)

Fenris moves through the battle, Fade-stepping to get faster, to dodge attacks and projectiles. One second he’s not-quite-there, and the enemy sword is ripping through air, the next he’s material again, his fist becoming solid inside the soldier’s chest, flesh and bone ripping to make space for him.

He’ll Bite (CA)

Sam’s the one who finds Bucky, or maybe Bucky finds Sam, neither mentioned much about how it happened but now Bucky’s sitting in Sam’s kitchen, hands wrapped around a warm cup of coffee, and Steve doesn’t know what to say.

Sugar and Spice (Angel)

Wolfram & Hart is no more, and Angel Investigations moved back into the Hyperion hotel. Spike tagged along, because really he has no other place to go to, and he did help save the world after all. (“Twice!” he would insist on pointing out.)

It Must Be (BtVS)

“You cannot tell anyone,” Anya hears as she walks past the door to Dawn’s room.

She stops, carefully tiptoes towards said door and presses her ear against the wooden panel. What is Dawn up to this time? With the First after them, they really don’t have time for more of Dawn’s teenage crisis. She thought they were past this.

Derrière la Porte (TW)

Pourquoi est-ce que personne ne lui avait dit que les études universitaires, c’est dur? Stiles se masse le front dans l’ascenseur, essayant de faire disparaître le début de mal de tête qu’il sent déjà poindre. Il est tard, plus tard que l’heure à laquelle il rentre d’habitude, et son portable n’a plus de batterie, aussi espère-t-il que Derek ne se soit pas trop inquiété.

Sleepless (DA2)

Fenris first notices it after they kill the dragon at the Bone Pit. Well, the new one. Hawke has a claw stuck through her arm, and though she says it’s fine he insists on dragging her to the clinic, even if he has to break the door and shake Anders awake. There is no door-breaking or shaking required, because even though it’s so late some might call it early Anders is up, working, organising the potions on his shelves and listing the things he’ll need to procure soon.

Dearest Laura (TW)

Dearest Laura,

I've been staring at these two words for the last ten minutes, wondering how to start this, but I'm not even sure why I sat down with paper and pen in the first place. Maybe I'm feeling lonely, now that Derek and uncle Peter are gone. Maybe I'm feeling guilty... guilty of so many things, none the least what happened all those years ago.

Cyberwolf (TW)

There are many ways to cheat death if you have the knowledge and the resources, Peter had once said in one of his weird speeches in which he gives you disturbing information you didn’t want, and none of the information you actually need. They were probably discussing the subject of Lydia’s nature, and wondering how Peter had been able to use that to come back from the dead, which still made absolutely zero sense to Stiles. But the words had stuck in his mind, burrowed deep, and started growing into questions and ideas.

Respite (TW)

Derek’s eyes open as he gasps for breath, panicking. For a second, he doesn’t remember where he is. For a second, he can still feel the arms of his nightmare holding him up, can still feel his claws sinking into Boyd’s chest, Boyd’s energy seep out of him and into Derek.

In Wolf Skin (TW)

“No,” Stiles says, pointing a finger at the teenager in front of him. “No no no! You give it back right now!”

New Spark (TW)

Isaac is sitting on Scott’s bed, shuffling through the songs on Scott’s ipod, trying to find one he can actually focus on. There’s no use, he can’t help himself, his ears stay tuned to the sound of Scott and his mom’s conversation downstairs.

Burning Embers (TW)

Peter looks down at Cora’s face, trying to match the features of the teenager in front of him with his memories of the eleven-year-old kid he last saw half-an-hour before the fire. Her presence here makes no sense. She must have been in her bedroom, doing homework, when the house burst into flames.

—

Firstly, it is sad that I had to go back all the way to 2013 for my last 20 fics. I really need to write more. T_T

As for a pattern, idk, I don’t really see one? Sometimes I drop the reader in the middle of things, sometimes I set up a scene with descriptions, sometimes I go into a character’s head... Do you see a pattern in my fic openings?

My favorite of these is a toss up between In Wolf Skin and Tinsel and Mistletoe, I think, even though they are very very different.

I’m “tagging” anyone who feels like doing this?

[twiceinadream]

Twice Reacts- S/O is Good in Bed (Pt. 2)

Requested: Yup

Request: Okay but you can do a Twice's reaction where their s/o are very good in bed please T_T

a/u: This is still mostly just a smut dump, and is the second part with the maknae line. I hope you enjoy!

Part: 1.) S/O is Good in Bed (Pt. 1)

Category: NSFW

Mina

“I’m so close.”

You held the Hitachi under Mina as she hovered above it. “Down.” Mina, whined as soon as her clit made contact with the toy, “Up.” You smiled as she rose up, a pout evident on her face, “Down.” She moaned at the contact, grinding down slightly as she felt the vibrations course through her body, “Up.” A small cry left her lips as her pleasure was ripped away from her, again, “Please, Y/N-ah! I’m so, so close.” You nodded as you let her words resonate through your mind, “I know, Kitten. Down.” This time, Mina shook as you turned up the setting as she made contact with the toy, “Oh. Oh!” You shot her a stern look as you pulled the toy away, “Did you, cum?” The Japanese girl looked at you with doe eyes, they reflected the fear she held within; scared that she had disappointed you, making her answer softer than usual, “I...don’t know.” You shook your head slightly, “Down.” As soon as she touched the vibrator she grasped the bed sheets harshly, coming on the spot, “Ahh!” You pulled the wand out from under her as she quivered, “Did you just, cum?” Mina panted out, brokenly, “Y...yes.” Your lips grew into a thin line, “Did you feel anything?” She shook her head, “No.” Soon after, a smile grew on your face as you turned the vibe off, “Good.”

Dahyun

“Please, let me cum!”

Dahyun, had lost count of how many times she had come to her edge, but never made it over; since you made sure of that. “Come on, Jagi. I know you can do it.” You encouraged your girlfriend as her hips stuttered forward, in search of the toy you had been thrusting into her. She just shook her head, furiously, “No, I can’t! I’m gonna lose it!” Her dignity had left her entirely as she begged you for her release, her stomach was in knots as her orgasm continued to build then die down again. “It’s only been, twenty minutes, Dahyunnie.” She whined at the name, as you sped up the thrusts of the toy, “Yes! Twenty minutes too long.” You clicked your tongue, “Fine, then prove to me you deserve to cum.” Dahyun, nodded frantically as she started to ride the toy in your hand, grinding down as she wiggled her butt enough to tease you. She smirked as you slapped her ass, making her moan out, “Please!?” You shook your head, ‘no’, “I’m gonna need more convincing then that, Dubu.” Dahyun, pouted as she continued to ride the toy, this time she took your fingers into her mouth sucking them as she pinched her nipples, “Now!?” She gagged out. You smiled, satisfied, “Cum for me, Dahyun-ah.”

Chaeyoung

“M...more! I don’t w...want to walk to...tomorrow!”

The bed creaked beneath the both of you as you thrusted into, Chaeyoung. Her eyes fluttered shut as you continued to push into her, her moans leaving her mouth at an alarming volume. “Is that all you got?” Chae taunted as soon as she opened her eyes again. “Is it all you can handle?” You shot back as Chaeyoung growled back at you. Her eyes grew steely as she looked up at you, reaching up and grabbing your shoulders as she turned the two of you over, surprising you as Chaeng now sat above you, “Was that a challenge, Y/N?” You looked at her smugly, as you thrusted up into her, “Why? Can’t take competition?” Chae shoved you down on the bed as she began to ride you, her lips meeting yours in a ravenous kiss. “Depends. Can you make me remember this, tomorrow?” You sneered at your girlfriend above you, flipping the two of you over, “You’re gonna regret saying that.” Chaeng raised an eyebrow, “Why’s that?” You smiled down at her darkly, thrusting into her harshly; you smirked as she moaned out under you, “Because, you’re not gonna be able to walk straight.”

Tzuyu

“N...not here.”

Tzuyu, shook in her seat. She couldn’t help the amount of times her legs quaked as they struggled to stay still. The Taiwanese girl had gripped your hand firmly when you increased the speed of the vibrator inside her, she held in a gasp that threatened to breach her lips as she struggled to keep her hands from shaking as she brought the food to her mouth. You could feel the glare she was giving you, as it bored into the side of your head while you happily chatted away with the, J-Line over a recent anime, as you played with the intensity of the toy under the table. You could feel her grip loosen as you brought the level back down to two allowing her a few bites of food, until you shot it up to eight, making her drop her chopsticks and draw everyone’s attention to her. She could feel her face burn as all her members stared at her, while she tried in vain to not cum then and there. That was until, Jihyo was about to ask if she was feeling okay, did you dial the toy up to ten; making her cum, hard. Tzuyu, curled in on herself as her nails dug into your hand and her breathing came out in a burst of rapid staccatos. Everyone looked on in shock as they thought their maknae was severly ill, as you dialed the vibe back to zero holding her in your arms as she quivered. You quickly announced that you two would be leaving so you could “make sure Tzuyu was okay” helping your girlfriend walk as her legs wobbled with every step. As soon as you two had made into the car, and you both became situated Tzuyu looked at you in annoyance, “I can’t believe you made me do that.” You smiled as you started the car, “I can’t believe you enjoyed it.” You chuckled as you drove out of the parking garage, hearing Tzuyu’s indignant gasps as you headed home. “Love you too, Jagi.”

[extreme-technicality]

Did I ask you yet? I can't remember, so here you go. 💜 14 please.

14: Talk about a vacation.

Alrighty yalls are getting the Story of That Time Lyn Went Camping With Their Discord Spouses, this is gonna be so long and I’m not sorry :D

So this story starts aaaalllll the waaayy back at the end of March. One of my favorite fic authors had just finished up a very sweet shinkami fic and in the notes of the final chapter, added a link to a brand new Discord server specifically for shinkami shippers. Naturally, I joined, since I felt this author and I had grown to be very close through the two multichap fics I left comments on. (I didn’t expect to stay long.)

THEY RECOGNIZED ME. Not very surprising, since my Ao3 and Discord screennames are the same, but I was still shocked. I was even more shocked when they made me an admin (which was honestly one of the most questionable decisions ever, like ily but I should not be given any modicum of power because monkey brain WILL activate and cause chaos). Within three days of the server being active I had, in no particular order, become Official Teacher, adopted everyone, and got Discord married to the creator of the server (and the author of the og fics, which,,,I’m still reeling over that tbqfh, thankfully they don’t have tumblr so they won’t see me gushing lmao) as well as to another admin. Within about a week of that happening, we had created a group chat on Discord, exchanged phone numbers and created another group chat, found out we all liked camping and lived within reasonable distance of each other, and decided to plan a camping trip for two months out.

We had barely known each other for two weeks and we were all saying “yeah, I’d be down to spend a weekend with you two cuddled up in a tent together on a platonic camping trip”. But we had to wait cuz it was early April and we weren’t set to go until the end of June.

Fast forward to like, mid-June? My spouses are freaking out because the Anxieties are hitting. Meanwhile I’m so chill, like “yeah I’m about to meet internet friends who are both at least 5 years older than me and spend a whole ass weekend with them, this is fine”. My anxieties didn’t start hitting until about a day or so before the trip itself, when I started thinking “omg what if I miss one(1) single train and that makes me miss the bus and I can’t make it up there omg what if the train that the internet is telling me to take actually gets me somewhere completely different omg what if I get there and they completely fucking hate me and think I’m too childish omg omg omg”

I’m happy to say every single one of these fears was completely unfounded. Funny how anxiety works :)

Me and Spouse 1 (the one who instigated this whole thing, Author-kun) were taking buses, while Spouse 2 was driving with most of the supplies. The entire bus ride we’re texting each other privately, as well as keeping the server updated (cuz they were all very invested in how their parents would get along in person lmao).

Spouse 2 got to the bus station first and was waiting for me to get there next. I step off and I’m looking around, looking around, and THERE!! A squishy GREMLIN!!! MY SQUISHY GREMLIN!!! And in true gremlin form, we saw each other and immediately squared up to fight (we didn’t actually fight tho). And we hugged, and I shoved my bag in their car. We hopped on Discord vc and were screaming with each other and one or two other server members, and we chilled for about an hour until Spouse 1’s bus got there.

Spouse 1 had arrived, we spent at least five minutes hugging each other in the middle of the terminal and probably drawing more than a few looks, and then it was off to the campsite– well, ish. It wasn’t check-in time yet, so we took the opportunity to get lunch at this little diner and also buy food for the weekend.

Hehehe, Walmart was so much fucking fun.

While we were driving, we put on the Official Team Parents Camping Trip Playlist, dubbed PlatonicScience™️, with such clearly platonic favorites as certain songs from Six (the musical about Henry VIII’s six wives) and kingdom hearts music. (Spouse 2 made the playlist, I love them for it, and it remains my favorite playlist 2.5 months later.)

We then went to check in and get firewood, ice, and try and find our campsite. Funny story, the first place we pitched our tent was not, in fact, our assigned site :))) luckily it was literally like a slot or two down so we just picked up the tent and walked it down the way lmaoooo.

The rest of the weekend was honestly amazing. We went swimming, like, daily, I lost my sunglasses in the lake, we watched Brokeback Mountain and Inuyasha when it rained, I made us crepes for breakfast both mornings we were there, my spouses built the campfires every night (because they apparently didn’t trust me with fire, for some odd reason), I won Spouse 1 a stuffed frog from a claw machine for their birthday, they were apparently offered a slimy green gummy bear by a random kid, and I found the sunglasses I thought were lost to the depths of the water. Oh, and we all agreed to get matching tattoos in the same place. We would’ve done it before we left, but none of the 3 parlors were open to walk ins on sundays :(

The final day, we had a few hours to kill before my bus and Spouse 1’s bus would come, so we packed up Spouse 2’s car and went back to the nearby town to dick around for a few hours. We poked our heads into a few stores, I almost got like five pocketknives at a flea market, we almost got lost, and we ended the day with ice cream and lunch at the same diner.

Then it was back to the bus terminal so Spouse 1 could get their bus home, and fam when I tell you it immediately felt colder without them. Spouse 2 and I were absolutely despondent in their car. Yeah, we had each other, but we were missing Spouse 1 T_T

Finally MY bus got there, and it was even worse cuz I didn’t even have anyone to cuddle the sadness away with TnT Spouse 1 had written me and Spouse 2 letters, and included gifts of a minute hand on a chain for both of us in there. So I opened my letter on the bus, got emotional, put the necklace on, and then I looped Sad Boi Music™️ until I got back to my stop. Then it was, like, two or three trains plus a lot of walking before I got back home late that night.

[babywarg]

ironstrange fic: Love Through Time

This ran on a bit long (close to 5k words). I can’t seem to write shortfic anymore, help T_T

Does anyone else love the new dark blue Tumblr theme? I love it. So soothing to the eyes

Notes: This is a fill for this prompt: “Tony discovers an old drawing of, and finally remembers, his invisible friend Stephen from when he was a child.”

originally on AO3.

tagging @cumberunicorn-ceioln​, as requested :)

“Mr. Stark,” Edward Jarvis greeted. “I’ve come with the items you requested.”

“Hm?’ Tony’s mind leapt out of his musing. He was in his laboratory, trying to solve a particularly sticky schematics issue with a new suit he was developing. “I didn’t request anything.”

“You did, sir,” Jarvis gently corrected. “You said I should salvage whatever I felt was necessary of your family’s summer home, and bring them to you.”

“Oh...yeah.”

The Starks’ summer home. It was a white elephant; nobody wanted to rent it, and selling it off was proving to be troublesome, considering the high real estate rates in the city it was in.

Tony had thought it best to sell or auction off the things in it, and let the space itself rot, if that was its fate.

“So the auction guys have everything else, right? How much was left?”

“Not much, sir,” Jarvis informed him. “I took the liberty of using the old toy box in the nursery as a receptacle. It was where most of the items were stored, anyway.”

Jarvis held out a small, plain wooden box to him.

“Very good, Jarvis, thanks,” he absently said as he took it.

When Jarvis had left, Tony opened the box.

There were old medals from summer school, old photographs...encouraging notes from his mother. Those were always a treat.

Then there were the old drawings.

The crayon sketches Maria Stark had kept, for no good reason.

One of them made Tony pause.

Made time stop.

***

  On the sketch was a tall, lanky man with a long face.

A loose blue long-sleeved shirt.

A red cloak.

Blue-green eyes.

And gray hair brushed back from his temples.

The man was standing beside a little boy with dark hair, whom Tony presumed to be himself.

Little Tony held a wrench (it was called an adjustable spanner, he knew now) on his right hand.

The man in the cloak had a halo of golden light around his left hand.

It was a cute, innocent child’s drawing.

Which was why Tony couldn’t explain the sudden, splitting headache he got after looking at it.

“FRIDAY,” he said to the room, “save everything, but keep the simulations running. I need a nap.”

“Will do, boss,” the room answered.

Tony dragged himself to the couch in the living room upstairs, and threw himself down on it. He didn’t make it to any of the bedrooms. He didn’t really want to.

He just wanted his headache to go away.

So, right after collapsing, he closed his eyes, and tried to sleep.

    ***

The very first time Stephen made an appearance was when Tony was still in the cradle.

It stands to reason Tony was too little to remember.

Baby Tony had been awakened by the loud male voice yelling “NO!!” that came out of nowhere. He had been frightened. He had cried.

He had been too little to comprehend the loud noises. The lights that had flooded his room. The tall shadow that had been bent over his cradle and his unsuspecting self. The screaming that had come from his tiny, panicked lungs.

The large, shaking hands that had picked him up, rocked him until he calmed down.

And the soft voice that had said “Ssh, I’m here now. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re loved. You’re safe.”

He was starting to fall asleep again, when he felt himself being lowered gently back down to his cradle. He fidgeted, unable to help himself.

That was when his mother raced into the room to pick him up, hold him close.

She said only the same things that the low, male voice had said.

And, doubly reassured, little Tony was able to go back to sleep, finally.

  ***

  The first time he realized he was a Stark was when his father slapped him across the face.

He’d fallen from his bike, scraped his knee, and wept in pain in front of his father.

His father had not liked that he had fallen off the bike. He liked it even less that he cried afterwards.

“Stark men are made of iron,” his father had told him.

He was 6 years old. Before that time, he had thought he was...

...happy.

Not a Stark.

Not a Stark man.

And certainly not made of iron.

But these didn’t make sense to Tony, at the time. These words, the sting, just burned into him, without explanation.

His father walked away, and told everyone watching to leave along with him. “He fell on his own, let him learn to stand on his own,” was his specific instruction.

So 6-year-old Tony found himself alone, sitting on the ground, sobbing and nursing his wounded knee.

A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see a tall, lanky man, wearing a large red cape that blocked Tony’s view of the sun.

“That doesn’t look good,” the man said. His voice was low, soothing and oddly familiar.

Tony wiped his nose. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who shouldn’t be here...”

The man sat in front of Tony.

“...but I guess supernatural threats aren’t all I’m here to shield you from.”

He reached out as if to touch Tony’s knee. Tony flinched but did not move away. His hand stopped short of skin making contact.

Tony noticed that his hand was shaking.

A halo of golden light appeared on the man’s hand. Tony could feel it: it was warm.

Within seconds, the scrape on his knee healed. It was as if it had never even been there.

“Wow!” Tony exclaimed happily. “You fixed it! Thanks, mister!”

The man smiled.

“No need to thank me,” he said to the child. “I’m a doctor. It’s what I do.”

  ***

  “Who’s that, Tony?”

He held up his unfinished crayon drawing for his mother to see.

On the drawing was a tall, thin man with a red cloak. Tony was still starting to draw a dark-haired little boy standing beside him.

“My friend,” Tony proudly answered. “Doctor Magic. We’ve been hanging out.”

Maria Stark smiled. “Is that really his name?”

Tony shrugged. “I call him that. He’s my friend, so I got to name him.”

Tony went back to finishing his drawing.

Maria Stark wondered if she had reason to be nervous. Tony was always surrounded by adults tasked by her husband Howard to look after him. But she didn’t remember any one of them having blue-green eyes and black hair that grayed at the temples.

Still...a man in a cape, and a glowing hand? Surely this was someone Tony had made up.

“I’m really glad you made a friend, Tony. Maybe your father and I can meet him sometime?”

“No...Doctor Magic says only I can see him. He says that’s because he’s a wizard.”

“A wizard, is he?”

“Yep! He’s magic. That’s how he fixes things.”

He just had a thought. He put down his crayons and faced his mom, his face beaming with excitement.

“Mom, when I grow up, I wanna fix things, too. I wanna be a wizard!”

“Oh dear,” Maria chuckled, “don’t let your father hear that.”

Tony pouted.

  ***

  “That’s a bad idea, Tony,” Doctor Magic said.

Still pouting, he demanded: “Why can’t I be a wizard?”

Doctor Magic laid his hand on Tony’s head.

“We all have our place,” he said to the child gently. “We’re both around to fix things. I can do it with magic. You can do it...in other ways.”

“I don’t want to do it in other ways! I want to be like you!”

Doctor Magic was about to protest, but the child lunged forward and hugged him, hard. It took the breath out of his lungs for a bit.

That was the only way Tony knew how to hold his first friend. His only friend.

“When I’m a wizard,” Tony muttered, “I can be with you all the time. You never have to leave. And we can go anywhere. We can go away.”

Doctor Magic pulled away briefly, so he could go down on one knee. That way, he could wrap his arms around Tony.

His magic cloak wrapped itself around Tony, too. The only time Tony ever felt warmer, was in the arms of his mother.

“I’ve already stayed too long, Tony,” Doctor Magic whispered. “I just...didn’t leave right away because I wanted to see you happy and smiling a bit longer. I need to leave again soon.”

“Take me with you?” Tony pleaded. “And my Mom, too?”

Doctor Magic sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said to the boy. “It’s for the best.”

He wouldn’t leave Tony upset, though. They spent the rest of that last summer day together, with Doctor Magic conjuring fanciful images and stories out of thin air, amusing the little boy until tiredness and sleep took him.

6-year-old Tony woke in his bed alone, from a dream of blue-green butterflies and a soft, low voice telling him about how he was safe, how he was cared for, and how he would never be alone.

  ***

  Tony couldn’t sleep. So many thoughts were running through his head.

And the headache still wouldn’t vanish.

“FRIDAY,” he said into thin air, “dial the Sanctum. Try to reach Doctor Strange for me.”

After a long pause, thin air reported: “Sorry, boss. Wong says he’s not available. Says he’s on a mission.”

“When will he be back?”

“Didn’t say, boss.”

For a moment he considered going back downstairs and looking at the drawing in the box again. But something told him it wouldn’t make his headache any better.

There was no earthly explanation for why he’d made a drawing of a man who looked like Doctor Strange when he was little.

The memories were a blur, and trying to make sense of them was physically painful, but he was sure he’d made that drawing. He remembered showing it to his mother.

He remembered golden light, and the scar on his knee disappearing. How warm it was to be enveloped in a red cloak, those arms.

But it couldn’t be him.

    ***

  Tony saw him again on the night of his parents' funeral. He was 21 years old, out drinking and partying, as perhaps everyone expected. It was “his way of dealing with grief.”

He was fumbling in his pocket for the keys to his car, when he saw someone coming in out of the shadows, from the corner of his eye.

The newcomer stepped into the light: it was a tall guy wearing a weird blue tunic and a ridiculously swishy red cape.

“Hey, man,” Tony greeted, slurring. “Neat costume. It isn’t Halloween, though, right?”

“Tony,” the man said firmly. “Don’t get in that car.”

“Mmh? Why not?”

“In a matter of minutes, a powerful, formless entity will find its way to you. If you’re on the road when it happens, it’s going to be much harder for me to protect you.”

“Protect me?” Tony laughed incredulously. “From what? Vicious balloon animals?” He waved the man away. “Get lost, doc.”

“Doc,” The man repeated. He stepped forward. “You remember, don’t you? You know who I am.”

Tony stopped short of pressing the button to unlock his car.

“Can’t be him, though,” he answered, without looking at the man. “Wasn’t real.”

The man snatched his car keys from his hand, held them up to the level of Tony’s eyes.

“That real enough for you?”

With one swift gesture, the keys in his hand disappeared.

Tony chuckled.

“You know I got spares of those. But I’m not taking them out now, ‘cause you’re just gonna magic them away again.”

“I know you have a spare key. I’m imploring you not to use it.”

“Sure you’re not a mugger? ‘Cause a mugger’s easier...”

“The worst-case scenario is that in the morning, people are going to find the wreck of your car at the bottom of a cliff and conclude that you’d driven yourself off the road while drunk. Which, in fairness, is something you’re likely to do in this state.

“What will really happen is that a creature will attack you, you will lose control of the car, and the creature will manage to kill you, as he wanted.” His voice softened unexpectedly. “Trust me, Tony. I fix things. Let me fix this one before it breaks.”

Inebriated as he was, Tony had a hard time looking the guy in the eye. But those blue-green-what-the-fuck-color-is-that magic eyes just drew him in.

“Look.” He faced the newcomer, though he had a hard time staying upright. “If you’re who I think you are, I haven’t seen you in years, and you don’t get to make demands of me. I don’t owe you shit.”

“There’s no time - “ the newcomer began. But then he caught himself and sighed.

“- you’re right, Tony. You deserve an explanation. So this is my proposition. Stay with me here, where I can keep you safe. Sober up just a little, just enough. And I promise I’ll explain everything.”

Tony considered this for a moment. He truly wasn’t in a hurry to go home.

Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to sober up in this weirdo’s company. Besides, there was something about the way the man said “keep you safe” that sounded...real.

  ***

  “Before you say anything,” Tony began, “I want to let you know how shitty you are.”

Tony sat on the hood of his car, nursing a cup of coffee his companion had magicked out of nowhere.

His companion wasn’t drinking anything. He simply sat beside Tony, alert and listening.

“You stayed with me just one summer, then whoosh, you were gone,” Tony kept griping. “Some imaginary friend. I thought you guys could be summoned on command.”

“We’re not genies in lamps,” the older man retorted. “And I don’t even count as imaginary. I’m flesh and blood, just like you.”

“Yeah? Then you got a name, too? Pretty sure it’s not ‘Doctor Magic.’ “

“Close, actually.” The man smiled. “My name is Doctor Stephen Strange. You can call me Stephen.”

“How about I call you a jerk?”

Stephen said nothing.

“I waited and waited, but you didn’t come back.”

He said it into his coffee cup, almost as if Stephen shouldn’t have overheard. He sounded like a little kid. 21 years old, a man now, old enough to drink himself stupid and drive himself off a cliff.

But to Stephen, he sounded 6 years old and lost.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t with you just that summer.”

Tony snorted. “You were the only playmate I had at the time. I’d recall if you were around.”

“Do you remember having dreams about me, at various points in your life?”

Tony blinked.

This was the first time dreams were brought up.

On the night before he was shipped off to boarding school, he had dreamed of Doctor Magic holding him close, saying he would be all right...and he remembered waking up from that dream thinking yeah, being away from his Mom and his bedroom-turned-laboratory wouldn’t be so bad...

He also remembered dreams where Doctor Magic fought off things that attacked him - a demon, a dragon, a giant disembodied cloud. Sometimes, Doctor Magic came off the battle badly wounded, and just left...but sometimes, he emerged relatively unscathed, and in a good mood, and he stuck around a bit longer.

At times like those, Doctor Magic spirited little Tony away. He showed Tony other dimensions, other timelines - realities where his father wasn’t a gigantic dick, and where he didn’t have a father, or a mother even. Places where flora and fauna that didn’t exist on earth, thrived. Animals that talked, colors that the human mind could never have conceived of...

Remembering all this gave Tony a headache. He touched his fingers to his temple.

“...Ow.”

“Yep.” Stephen was unfazed by the overt display of pain. “That was me. Saying hi.”

When Tony was able to shake off the discomfort, he continued:

“You...really jumped through time, into my dreams,” - he narrowed his eyes at Stephen - “just to say hi?”

“Well, no. Technically they weren’t dreams.” Stephen scratched his head, as he thought of the words that might explain it best. “Each time you had a ‘dream,’ it was me pulling you into...I don’t know what else to call it except a ‘mirror dimension.’ Most of the time, it was because I had to fight an entity that was coming for you. Then wipe as much of our encounter from your memory as I could, before restoring you to reality.”

Tony’s still-sobering mind was having trouble keeping up.

“Wiping the what from my what?” He shook his head, in a feeble attempt to shake understanding into it. “You can do that??”

Stephen looked a little guilty.

“Memory spells aren’t foolproof. They’re like - throwing a blanket over the part of your brain that remembers certain things. They don’t really erase anything, but rather obscure them, until they’re triggered and the blanket comes off.

“In your case, it seems that while you remember having had a ‘Doctor Magic’ to play with as a child, chances are you’ll remember every encounter we’ve ever had. And if they don’t make sense, your mind is going to process them as dreams.” He narrowed his eyes at Tony, as if studying how his brain worked. “I think I’ll have to do something about that...”

Unsettled by his staring, Tony leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees.

“You promised me an explanation,” he reminded Stephen. “Why are you even...stalking me? If that’s the word? Why bother with me at all?”

Stephen leaned forward as well, linked his fingers together.

“I can tell you all of this, because in the end I’m going to wipe every memory you’ve ever had of me, and you won’t remember a thing.”

“Cool. Fun. Hit me.”

He wasn’t taking this seriously. Which worked to Stephen’s benefit. He didn’t want a scene at the end of all of this.

“Many years from now,” Stephen began, “a powerful time-traveling being is going to pick a fight with me. It’s going to be a big fight. He’s going to want me dead.

“But since he won’t be able to kill me, he’ll go back in time and try to kill the people who are most important to me. I’ve already recruited the help of interdimensional beings to make sure my parents and family are safe. He won’t be able to get to them, so they’ll be able to get to their natural ends...”

“ ‘Natural ends’?” Tony interrupted.

Stephen answered, “They’ll die, Tony. All of them. Leaving me alone. Like they’re supposed to.”

The resigned tone in his voice told Tony what he needed to know: Doctor Stephen Strange travels through time, but doesn’t meddle with fate.

That wasn’t enough of an answer for the young, emotionally fragile Tony.

“However, the help I’ve been able to secure is limited to people with whom I share blood ties.” Stephen looked at his younger companion. “And because you don’t...he can get to you.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because I care about you, Tony. That makes you a target.”

“Then why didn’t you stop my dad from hurting me or my Mom?” he asked, in a deliberately hostile tone. “If it’s true that you cared...you were there, you must have known. Why didn’t you help?”

It was a loaded question. Hard enough to answer while looking into an angry young Tony’s eyes. So Stephen looked away.

“I can’t interfere with what happened to you. I can only save your life, during all those times you were never meant to die.”

“Okay, then answer me this, wise guy: why do you have to save my life? Why not just let me die?”

He could almost see Stephen’s heart breaking through his eyes.

“Because you’re important, Tony.”

“Oh yeah? Important to whom?”

“The world, mostly. But also me.” He took a deep breath, and sighed out, “I love you, Tony. The older you. The one you’ll be decades from now.”

Tony fell silent.

“I know that of all the crazy things I’ve told you tonight, this is the craziest, so I’m going to give you a moment to process that...”

Tony took that moment. When he was done, he asked slowly, “Why am I not allowed to remember you telling me that?”

“Because, in the future, you don’t love me back. You don’t even know how I feel.” Stephen smiled sadly at him. “That’s how it is. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Tony thought about it some more. Then he leapt off the hood to pace a bit.

“You love me, though, right?” he said loudly to Stephen, presently. “Now - I mean, right now? You love me? Enough to save my life, at least?”

Stephen noticed a young couple walking nearby, staring at Tony and whispering. He realized they must feel weird, watching Tony pointing to his car and yelling “You love me” at it.

As per the deflection spell he’d always been careful to cast, nobody but Tony could see him.

Fortunately, a drunk, raving young Tony wasn’t exactly an uncommon sight in those parts. (By this point, Tony was actually completely sober. But nobody else needed to know that.)

“Tony,” he answered, “I love the version of you that I met after he’s gone through all the pain. All the heartbreak. All the mistakes he never got the chance to fix. The person who had survived so long and so well without me. Given the chance, I would love him over and over.”

Stephen left his seat on the hood, walked up closer to the young man.

“But if you’re not going to be that person...I don’t know how I’ll feel. If you grow up remembering me, and the things I’ve said and done, you may no longer be the Tony Stark I met. The one I’d love through time.”

Tony stuck his hands in his pockets.

“So,” he carefully began, “let me get this straight - if I remember you...you may not love me? Ever?”

Stephen nodded. “That’s...one of many likely outcomes.”

“And if you don’t love me...the creature you’re fighting now doesn’t come after me at all. Do I get that right?”

Stephen paused, then nodded again.

“That...is also a likely outcome.”

“Doesn’t that mean it’s better for you to let me remember, and to just not fall in love with me as a result?”

A look of sadness crossed Stephen’s face.

“Tony,” he said softly. “What makes you think I’d want a future where I don’t fall in love with you?”

Tony stared long and hard at the person who had just said what was either the sweetest or the most terrifying thing ever said to him.

Stephen returned that stare evenly. He had only told the truth so far. There was no reason to falter.

Eventually, Tony looked away, asked, “Am I really worth it?”

“You’re worth everything.”

“...All right. Then I don’t care. I don’t care if I don’t remember you.” He looked back at Stephen again, spread his arms wide. “If there’s a chance in hell you’ll fall for me, I’ll take it.”

His sudden light-heartedness worried Stephen. Was there something the boy misunderstood? “Tony...”

“Listen, doc. This is just me being practical. A magic man falls for me in the future, goes back in time and saves my life - why would I say no to that?”

He looked Stephen up and down and smirked.

“Besides...I can do much worse, you know?”

Both of Stephen’s eyebrows rose. He laughed incredulously.

“Are you seriously hitting on me right now?” He reached out for a friendly pat on the boy’s upper arm. “Grow some decent facial hair first, then we’ll talk.”

Tony caught his hand. Held it. It trembled in his grip.

“Doc...”

Then he caught Stephen’s gaze, held it, too.

“Don’t let older me stay in the dark about your feelings, okay?” He released Stephen’s hand. “I don’t know what goes down when it happens...but at the very least...I’m sure it won’t kill him to know.”

“Won’t it?” Stephen’s smile was sad again. “Trust me, Tony, your future self has a lot of problems. Adding to them is...not in my job description.”

The smile Tony shot back at him was radiant with confidence.

“Haven’t you heard, doc? Stark men are made of iron. He can take it.”

His fearlessness was infectious. Stephen found himself feeling like things were on the right track.

Much like how the older Tony made him feel.

As Stephen thought about this, there was a rumbling, a sound of thunder just over their heads.

And there was no time to think of anything else.

“He’s here,” Stephen pointed out. “It’s time, Tony.”

Tony nodded, suddenly grim. “Do it, doc.”

Stephen took a deep breath, then held his hand up in front of Tony’s face. Already, a golden glow was starting to emerge from the center of his palm.

Tony closed his eyes.

    ***

  These were the memories hidden away:

All the kind words. All the peaceful embraces. The other worlds and dimensions and the blue-green butterflies that used to give the little boy so much comfort to watch. The laughter and corny jokes and assurances that everything was going to be all right.

All the way back to the cradle.

Except.

Stephen was going to let him keep one.

The only memory that was harmless to keep.

The memory of lights, then soothing darkness, and warmth, and a voice telling him he was safe.

  ***

  “He may not come back today,” Wong warned him.

“Yep, I heard you.” Tony proceeded into the Sanctum.

“Those might be wilted by the time he returns...”

“No problem.” Tony glanced down at the bouquet of blue and mint-green roses in his arm. “I’ll just get new ones.”

He could hear Wong shaking his head behind him. Wong had a way of shaking his head that carried across the room.

Something told Tony he’d better get used to that head-shake.

Per tradition, Stephen was supposed to appear in the topmost floor of the Sanctum after a mission.

That was where Tony saw it fit to wait.

Hours passed. He’d paced up and down the floor. Finished reading through his daily news feed twice over (narrowly avoiding some unnecessarily nasty Twitter wars in the process). Barely kept himself from touching anything, thus avoiding certain death.

Soon it was getting dark. Still no Stephen. With a sigh, Tony prepared to go home. He was going to take the flowers down to Wong, who hopefully had a large vase stashed away...

Then the portal appeared.

Tony stood with the flowers in his arms, waiting for Stephen to step through.

Except Stephen stumbled through.

His robe and cloak were drenched in green liquid. Which, Tony was willing to bet, was actually someone else’s blood.

The flowers fell to the floor. Tony rushed to Stephen’s side.

Stephen failed to register surprise as soon as he saw Tony in the Sanctum. “It’s done,” he said between fast, ragged breaths. “It’s done.”

“You got him?” Tony held him up by the arm. Stephen leaned his weight on Tony, used him to stay upright.

“Yeah. Yeah, I got him.” He blinked, suddenly aware of where he was and who he was talking to. “Wait. Got who?”

“The creature that was trying to kill me in the past. You were chasing him down, right?”

Stephen looked at Tony, eyes wide.

“Yeah. Took him down just now. Slippery bastard. But you’re not supposed to know about that...”

Tony took out a piece of folded paper from his pocket, showed it to Stephen.

It was the drawing he’d made as a child.

The surprise in Stephen’s face vanished as soon as he saw it.

“...Oh.”

“Yeah.” Tony folded the paper and stuck it back in his coat pocket before Stephen could get any green gunk on it. “So, when were you going to tell me?”

Stephen stood apart from Tony. Brushed some of the blood off his person seemingly as a way of gaining a semblance of dignity.

“Never,” he answered matter-of-factly. “Because this was a Master of the Mystic Arts problem. Iron Men not required.”

“Not about the mission, smartass.” Tony wouldn’t stop staring into his face. “I meant how you felt. What you told me on the night of my parents’ funeral.”

Stephen was still catching his breath. He kept his eyes on Tony’s all the while.

“I think I’d better learn how to level up those memory spells,” he muttered.

“Yeah.” Tony turned, started walking away. “Clearly, you suck at them.”

He picked up the roses from the floor, brought them to Stephen, who received them with a puzzled look.

“What are these for?” Stephen asked.

“So you won’t get too surprised when I do this.”

Tony leaned forward and touched their lips together.

The roses ended up on the floor again.

“Jesus,” Tony laughed. “You have any idea how hard those were to find? Handle with care, okay?”

“You dropped them first,” Stephen pointed out.

“Fair enough. Look.” Tony put on his “boardroom” voice, the one time-tested for getting desirable results. “You once told me you might not have feelings for me anymore if I remembered you. Now I do. I remember all of you. From the time you saved me back in the cradle and told me I was loved.” He spread his arms wide. “What now?”

“What now?” Stephen said breathlessly. “Here’s what now.”

Stephen kissed him again, shamelessly getting green gunk all over Tony’s newest Tom Ford.

At that precise moment, all parties in the room stopped caring about the roses on the floor.

[igumdrop]

:OO WELCOME EVERYONE!!

okay okay, I know what you guys are thinking -- Jaime, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! HOW CAN YOU MAKE THE SUB-BLOG GO PUBLIC?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO *THAT* LIST... THE *YOU KNOW WHAT* LIST... 

and my response is... I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never had such a list. 

okay, real talk though, I decided to let my sub-blog go public for multiple reasons: 

♡ no one wants to enter a password that I change constantly

♡ most of what I say I would love to share with my regular viewers who can’t afford to sub, and this is my main source of updating you guys on a more personal basis for those who follow me more on social media and not my stream

♡ I’m incorporating a lot more sub-only things into the community, so I figured I could let one go! 

we’ll see how it goes and if it does start to feel uncomfortable, we can always bring it back :) but there’s little to nothing that I can think of that would make this weird because I don’t overshare that much... I think... HAHA we’ll see

ANYWAYS, REALLY GOOD NEWS! for the past few months I’ve had a little team of subs working on our community Minecraft server! (SO MUCH THANKS TO GOLDEYE, WATTEHMS, MATTY, MAXWELL, BRADLEY, JOSTER <3) I’ll try to log on everyday and just have a habit of keeping it online. I think it’d be cute to be able to log onto something and see everyone in the same world! 

if you’re a sub, please fill out the form that I linked in the discord! it’s also the same form you use to join the gummie gang stream team, and also for me to know what your discord usernames are (a lot of times when you guys message me, your discord username is different from your twitch and I have no idea LOL) there’s also a little response section where you can give me any suggestions you want! (stream ideas, sub emotes, etc) ~ HAVE FUN! 

AND EVEENNNN MORE GOOD NEWS!!!  

WE’LL BE ON FRONT PAGE OF TWITCH THIS THURSDAY!! WEEE!! 

I’ll probably be doing a sit-down cooking stream into a mukbang :) TIME IS TO BE ANNOUNCED BUT IT SHOULD BE AROUND THE TIME FRAME OF 12PM - 2PM OR 2PM - 4PM! I’ll let you guys know as soon as possible on discord. I’ll also be streaming tomorrow/Tuesday and Wednesday so I’ll let you guys know on stream too! 

OK THAT’S IT FOR ANNOUNCEMENTS!~ here are my own personal lil updates

BENJI HAS GROWN SOOO MUCH! okay not gonna lie, he was kinda dying for a bit during the winter, I don’t think he really did well in the cold... his leaves would fall off sometimes and yellow at the ends. I was getting really scared and to be honest I’m so attached to this god damn plant that it was taking a sad mental toll on me. LMFAO. WHY AM I LIKE THIS. anyway, I gave him some fertilizer and stayed consistent with him, watered him whenever I needed to and tried to keep him in warm yet sunny areas of my house. and YAY, SPRING ROLLS AROUND AND HE’S GROWN BIGGER THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM GROW!!! 

before (when I first got him) and now! I’m so proud... only I can write a paragraph raving about my pet plant... jeez it’ll be crazy once I get an actual cat or something... 

there was a really busy week in march where I spent all my leftover time planning Aria’s birthday. it was honestly the cutest thing ever seeing all her friends get together and work on stuff for her. I remember being insanely tired during it but once I saw her reaction for her surprise party, my heart melted and I just told myself wow that was soooo worth it LOL. here’s some pictures from my end <3

we got these GIANT balloons that spelled out ARIA and it took forever to get into the car and out LMAO... excuse my janky no makeup face but it was so funny seeing us struggle so hard with the balloons T_T LOL

we spent hours late at night working on her scrapbook and baking stuff for her. I was working on strawberry cheesecake shoots and I remember cutting 10+ strawberries and thinking, “wow, it would suck if I dropped these,” and then guess what happened... 

I dropped them lmao 

anyways it turned out so wholesome and cute <3 

I found the airbnb on this website called peerspace and when I saw it, it SCREAMED ARIA...

you’re welcome for me blessing your eyes

we seriously worked our *aesthetic* muscle for this because we knew aria would appreciate the heck out of it 

OKAY ANYWAYS MOVING ON!! yesterday I went to h-mart and got a shit ton of groceries. and I realized it’s STRAWBERRY SEASON!!! there’s still a lot of stuff that I want to buy that isn’t available here though, so my mom tries to send me all that she can :D 

I love her so much I miss her so much wahhh I can’t even talk about my parents because I’ll just start crying because I miss them so much ... ok also I was supposed to stream yesterday but I took a nap... and... didn’t... haha... jaimewhatswrongwithyou.exe.... here’s a post-nap selfie though... 

I looked heckin janky but snow saved my ass 

ANYWAY I spent the rest of the night just reading and I finished my monthly book read! here are my two recommendations for you guys :) 

I absolutely love love love this book! it will really help if you’re an overthinker like me. tl;dr, it talks about the inside voice in your head that constantly battles with itself and refers to it as an “annoying roommate.” with consistent reading (a chapter or two before sleeping at night) it really helped me clear my mind and become super aware of how the voice in my head could be more harmful than helfpul. if you’re new to reading it is quite a bit to read though so if you want something easier then I suggest this: 

gosh, my life became so simple when I read this book consistently. it basically shares four simple agreements that you should always be conscious of in life. this book just really helped me not take things as personally, to not make assumptions, and it just gave me a much more simple and clear perspective on things and issues. SUPER SUPER EASY TO READ!!! downfall is, it kinda talks about religion a lot at the end, which might make it uncomfortable for some of you guys. I couldn’t really enjoy the last bits of it that much because of that sole reason but it’s still a great read and taught me lots of fundamentals I never knew I needed for my own mindset :) 

I went to LCS the day before yesterday and it was really fun because I brought a portable cut-out of scarra LMAOOOOOO the thread is really funny so you guys should go read it: https://twitter.com/iGumdrop/status/1114687260434124801

I also did my taxes yesterday (well I finished up what was left of it) during the games LOL and then I went to annie’s place afterwards because her mom is an accountant and she helped me file them. I’m soooo happy I got them over with because I feel so free now! 

hm ok ending these are always hard because it always seem so abrupt, mainly because even my 200 WPM fingers get tired of typing. I guess all I have to say is, hello new readers of my sub-blog, I hope you enjoy your time here! and thank you so much to everybody who supports me. it really means the world to me and I never go one day without insanely appreciating you guys. this month I’ma hit you guys with that dudududuududud GOOD CONTENT! <3

and alas, a few of my favorite cute lil drawings this month from chibird~ 

(+ my community) 

WELL, FAREWELL FRIENDS! TILL NEXT TIME <3 

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2018)

For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

 The Promises I Made (2018 edition)

1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD

2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?

3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…

4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!

5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.

7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.

8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.

11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.

12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...

14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.

15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?

16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.  

17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.

18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.

19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.

20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.

21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/

22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T

24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V

25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.

26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.

27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…

28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…

29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.

30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.

31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…

32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.

33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.

34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T

35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.

36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.

37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.

38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…

39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…

40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???

41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…

44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…

45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;

46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…

47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.

48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.

49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9

Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?

  Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.

[coup-de-blues]

21 questions

Rules: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

I was tagged by @brian-may-likes-dust @killeerrqueenn & @apinkwhisperscollector Thank you darlings ^^!

Nickname: Nille, Nini

Zodiac: Aquarius

Height: 168cm (5‘5‘‘)

Last move I watched: If series count: Criminal Minds! If not: Fantastic Beasts - Crimes of Grindelwald (I will skip the rant that concerns my opinion)

Last thing I googled: cm to feet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favourite musicians: Day6, Panic! At the Disco, Queen! So many tbh but these 3 the most ^^

Song stuck in my head: Welp, I’m listening to the album of Death of a Bachelor again so none rn haha! (*sings in the distance* ALL YOU SINNERS STAND UP SING HALLELUJAH)

Other blogs: @glasses-and-bandana-s is my main blog and @wanderingmouse is a travel planning blog that I created to help me organise my first trip on my own ^^

Do I get asks: Once in a while I have a random anon that pops in my ask box but very rarely. 2 or 3 when I reblog ask games. Please come and chat whenever you want, I’m quite talkative but I’m an even greater listener!

Blogs following: I am following 187 people and have got 388 followers (♥♥♥♥T_T♥♥fdff♥fgh♥♥♥♥♥jdhj♥♥gdzf♥♥T_T♥♥♥)

Amount of sleep: About 7 hours during week days and 9-10 in weekends

Lucky number: 13! (Family story that I’d love to tell but is a little long for here)

What I‘m wearing: Dark blue jean, brown belt and grey oversized pullover

Dream job: Animator for Disney or Pixar or graphic designer at ILM (I talked with a teacher from my future uni today and I’m so excited for september!!!)

Dream trip: Trip through all of Scotland (like.... a year long XD) and just a world trip jkhgf! I want to go everywhere you don’t understand! If I could I’d spend my life traveling, only doing smal jobs 2 months per year and always be on the road!

Favourite food: Spanish and Japanese dishes AND anything with p a s t a

Play any instruments: Sadly not but I’ve been wanting to learn to play the drums since age 5!

Languages: Fluent French, Dutch and English! Learning German at school so it’s very basic and a beginner’s Spanish! Also Latin if it counts LMAO (6 YEARS DIDNT GO TO WAIST)

Favourite songs: Day6′ You Were Beautiful is very special to me but idk?? It’s the closest thing to my favourite song ^^

Random fact: I’ve already skydived but I’ve never kissed anyone! Tells you where my priorities are LMAO

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: Polaroïds hanging from a thread, oversized sweaters, papers laying over a desk, dancing alone through your room, late night movie marathons, drawings on the walls, full bookshelves, giving names to inanimate objects, cats, biting lips, waving at cars from the bridge

I’m tagging: @blitchen @mercurytaylordeaconmayy @corgoship007 @clumsybookworm18 & @peaceteagarden ^^