#I don’t care if humans go extinct hoe

[rottenlittlefink]

Why is not wanting a hard life so controversial? You’re damn right I’m selfish, I’m STILL not having kids bitch <3

[stan-joonies]

Unique Situation

[[MORE]]

Rosalie and Alice were flying through the forest, their dainty yet powerful legs carrying them quickly and effortlessly over rocks and hills and terrain.

Alice's brain still felt like it was spinning after being hit with a particularly strong vision. She had hit the floor, the impact sounding like a clap of thunder. Rosalie was at her side as soon as she realised, soothing her hair gently and whispering encouragement in her ear.

It was of Bella, surrounded by rouge vampires and being attacked, her blood splattered over their faces and fangs.

Edward had flew out the door, but he wouldn't be able to take them out alone. The rest of the Cullen's were far behind, Alice and Rosalie being two of the quickest.

They heard the faint echo of a scream and a familiar growl. Up ahead, obscurred by bushes to the human eyes, was a coven of red-eyed, thirsty vampires all surrounding a singular vegetarian vampire and his mate, who blood was rushing enticingly through her veins.

The blonde and brunette glanced at eachother before leaping with their powerful legs over the coven, landing next to Edward, who only gave them a glance.

The amount of vampires were overwhelming. They weren't brainless newborns either. They seemed to know their own way around a chase.

"Where are the others?" Edward growled through his teeth, glaring as the vampires stalked closer. His whole body was tensed and infront of Bella, yet the human was still horribly exposed.

"They wont take long. We just got to fend them off." Alice answered.

"I'm not really a fan of our chances," Rosalie snarled.

Suddenly, red eyes ripped themselves from the human they surrounded and instead focused on something behind them, on the large rock that towered over them.

"What're they looking at?" Rosalie hissed, not daring to take her eyes away from those infront of her.

Rosalie smacked Edward when he turned to look.

"Bella," she spat. "What're they looking at?"

But Bella didn't answer, she was rendered completely speechless.

Then, just as Rosalie was about to snap and launch herself into the rouges, a sharp, menacing howl broke through the tense air, cutting through the trees and wind.

A shadow jumped over them, a silhouette of a large man. The same man that ripped into every single of the rouges, nails dug deep into their porcelain skin and teeth burying into their useless jugulars.

It was brutal, screams and shouts drowned out by manic howls and feral grunts.

The coven that spiked unnatural, consuming fear into Bella were defeated in a matter of seconds by one man with his bare hands.

She was about to get up, but Alice put her hand on her shoulder and forced her back into her knees. Bella noticed with unease that they were even more tense now than they had been with the vampires.

The man turned. His skin was soiled with dirt and leaves and twigs, his hair was ruffled on his head and sticking up in all directions. His eyes were a deep black and completely feral.

Her turned, snarling hatefully at the group, taking a threatening step forward.

His eyes locked onto the two female vampires, a snarl readily building in his throat.

Then, a burning forced its way into his stomach, a raging fire residing there and making him break into an uncontrollable sweat.

Alice and Rosalie felt it too, their heart filling that empty place that they talked about over the years, a void that was cold and heartless.

He was quick. Sprinting towards them and roughly tugging them away from Edward, placing his feet firmly on the ground.

At that moment, the rest of the Cullens burst from the tree line, all crouching and snarling at him, only succeeding in making his breathing increase and his eyes to slowly bleed into red.

"Wait!" Alice cried, staying firmly in place. "He's not going to hurt anybody." They all glanced at her. "He's a werewolf, a child of the moon. He saved us. He's ok,"

Carlisle stared at Alice for awhile before his eyes floated towards the werewolf.

"Can you speak English?"

The man glared heatedly before swallowing spit and coughing.

"Course," it was raspy from lack of use and rough like sandpaper.

"What's your name?"

"Y/n l/n," He huffed, shoulders relaxing slightly. "Family?"

Carlisle nodded when he gestured to Alice and Rosalie.

"We're vampires, you know about us?"

"Your kind, yes," his eyes grew cold. "The volturi are not nice first impressions."

Emmett hid his snort behind his hand.

"Would you care to follow us to our house? We have plenty resources." Carlisle itched to speak to him. He was the only one of his kind left, the Volturi were hunting him. His thirst for knowledge consumed him.

"These stay by me," he gestured to Rosalie abd Alice with two dirty thumbs, taking them both by the hand.

The blonde doctor raised a questioning brow, shaking it off at Rosalie's glare.

"Very well, y/n. Follow behind."

-

Y/n was in the shower while the Cullens listened to Alice fill everyone in.

"So not only do you have another mate, but that mate happens to be a brooding, extinct werewolf who is being chased down by the volturi?" Emmett summarised, sighing when they nodded their heads.

"What are we gonna do? The volturi will rip us apart!" Emmett's mate exclaimed, panic not easing when Emmett laid a hand on her knee.

"Then we'll rip them apart first," Rosalie snarled, hands balling into fists.

"You think that would work?" Angie questioned, glaring. "They'll rip through us like a chainsaw through paper."

"But we have y/n," Rosalie reasoned, crossing her arms defiantly. "There's a reason he's survived this long."

"From hiding."

The two blondes hissed at eachother, being held back by their respective mates.

"They haven't tried to catch me in fifty years," came a hoarse voice.

Y/n stood at the bottom of the stairs, towel washing his h/c hair. Now he was wearing baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt. His skin was now clearly s/c and hos eyes were a sparkly e/c.

"I doubt they'll find me anytime soon,"

His eyes travelled to his two mates, smiling at them.

"Trust me, it's quite hard to kill me."

"But not impossible," Angie interrupted, chewing at her lip.

"Close enough to it," Rosalie scowled.

"Rose..." Alice hummed, rubbing her arm. "She's just worried about us."

Rosalie glared for a second longer before deflating.

"Right..."

Carlisle glanced to the trio.

"How have you survived this long?"

Y/n collapsed onto the sofa.

"It was hard at first, those stupid children are a pain in the backside. Once i realised hoe they kept finding me, that weird blonde guy, i started moving constantly. Then i came here, found out those puppies that play in the woods masked me from the volturi. I've been there eversince. I'm underground most of the time to stop myself ehen it's the full moon. I don't think I've spoken in couple years."

"You're away from them now, don't you think they'll find you?" Angie shrugged off Rosalie's glare.

"I've been living on their land for 45 years. I doubt their scent will go away quickly. Plus, I'm ceetain they must've gave up by now."

"So what now?" Angie asked, looking around. "He's here, he's Rosalie and Alice's mate. We can't kick him to the side of the road..."

"Easy," Alice grinned, skipping to y/n and linking their arms. "He's staying with us. Welcome to the family, y/n,"

A light kiss landed on his cheek, causing a blush to bloom across his face, only becoming brighter when Rosalie copied Alice on the other cheek.

"Welcome~"

[ibitchytimemachine]

I haven't been reading fanfic as much lately due to some real life BS and I have been working extra hard on a piece for the @vegebulocracy mini bang! If you don't know what it is, you can check out my review of the Big Bang fics by clicking here, or you can check out the FAQ for the VBO Mini Bang by Clicking here. (once the fics drop, I will voraciously consume them and write up an overview for y'all!)

Now, with that out of the way, ON TO THE REVIEW. There will, as always, be Spoilers below the cut! 

The first thing that stands out to me is the world building of this story. The palace feels like a real place. It is huge and even though (through POV) we are only privy to a small slice of the space, it feels vast. The exploration of the races is really interesting to me. I really am nerdy when it comes to this type of thing, and the variety of humanoid races in the piece is fantastic. There isn't just one or two races that are explored, and the writer is really smart how they introduce and develop the important characters. Also interesting are the dynamics between Vegeta and his Father, and the Saiyan race and the Colds/other races (Im not gonna get into this in the review, but its an interesting dynamic set up that I want to see explored more). 

So diving in a little deeper. Humans are practically extinct, but Saiyan males are like uber attracted to the women AND the Human-Saiyan hybrids are good match. The Saiyans like humans so much, that most of the human men are killed and one of the only ones left, Yamcha is being forced to impregnate as many of the female left as many time as possible. The way that the writer treats Yamcha is fantastic. I am granted not a huge Yamcha fan, but through the story events, you just can not hate him. He is being molded by his circumstances, and boy howdy Yamcha’s circumstances are pretty fucking terrible. Can I say how much I love the fact that in this society a hybrid is not looked down upon? Like whoa racial acceptance and diversity FTW! Now there have definitely been hints at the fate of acceptance of our Prince Trunks, but that is a problem for pretty far off.. maybe.  

God I hate how much of a hoe Vegeta is. He fucks so many different women, and there is legit a plot bunny that literally explores the palace brothel and its treatment of the whores the Prince is down with/what he likes and doesn't (random tangent - like whoa, this flashback with his father and the princess who kisses him, damn - I thin I would be fucked up too Veggie, but I still have issue with who you have turned out to be). I think that you are supposed to have a love hate relationship with him, because one second he is acting incredibly out of character (for him) and lovey dovey and the next he is verbally/physically or emotionally abusing poor Bulma. While I understand WHY Vegeta is written this way, I low-key hate him. Two instances where I LOATHE him stick out to me, the first being when he fucks a chick while he forces Bulma to lay in bed with them and watch him (the subtext of him not being able to enjoy himself without watching/being near Bulma is interesting though) and then the next morning when he sexually assaults her for a little hand-gooing is just yuck. I will say that I think that if/when Bulma gets her head out of her ass SHE will be the link Veggie needs to finally stand up to and defeat his asshole father. 

He does end up having to save and protect her a whole hell of a lot. Bulma is take from her home really kind of young, so she doesn't have the technological genius going for her in this story (and can I say I think this is an interesting exploration of how she would have developed away from her planet and in this hostile environment) and in fact she is dumb as shit. Like teasing the princess of a warrior race, who is supposed to be getting pregnant by Vegeta due to a treaty the two planets have set up, hello Bulma, WAR is in the races name - leave the crazy royal alone. Also wandering around LOOKING FOR THE DUNGEONS?! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot woman! You legit brought that shit upon yourself. Also what kind of terrible servant mother fucking FALLS ASLEEP in their masters beds? Like before he starts making her do it (a trope that I gotta say I hate to love) this stupid woman is CONSTANTLY FALLING ASLEEP IN VEGETAS BED. and then she is all like “no, I know I am being super disrespectful to you, and I know that you really want to do stuff with me, but I am gonna give you the worst bluebells of your life” like thank you @lightphyre for not having his outright rape her, which I unfortunately think would be very much in character for him in this story. anyway can we talk about the moment that made me think “imma write a review for this story?” So Bulma had just saved ChiChi from Yamcha (OMG Goku is a teacher to little kids? like this is him as the good dad to Gohan I know he can be - its far enough off but I just see all the fluffy moments in my head- love the treatment of Goku here) and Vegeta sees the danger IMMEDIATELY and has to drag Bulma away (come on Queen B, you are WAY smarter than you are being in this story, even without living with your parents and getting all the expensive education) then Vegeta, without prompting or even explaining what he is doing JUST MOTHER FUCKING TEACHES HER HOW TO GET OUT OF BASIC HOLDS. This was the moment that I was like... ok so maybe I only 90 percent hate him. He is mean as hell to her here, but like, she's a fucking idiot and needs him to be straight to the point, this also is the turning point for their relationship dynamic (he's still an ass, but what are you gonna do?) and leads to a mother fucking confusing, but kind of (in its own way) sweet moment between the two. This happens in Chapter 9, so if you don't read anything else, go read that shit... here Imma link the chapter for you... RIGHT HERE.

This shit is a low burn... Like Damn. I thought that Drought was killing me getting to the point (another great read I have linked the title for you), but like... even with all the kissing and the sexual assault and the consensual jacking off, its still leaving you just utterly frustrated. Like remember when I said Bulma was a fucking moron? She won't fuck Vegeta (even though she REALLY FUCKING WANTS TO) because she is a virgin (I get that part) but she wants to “be with” the father of her kids. But she mother fucking knows that she is about to be raped in front of like the whole Planet’s Elite forces to make more Human ladies for them to pound. She knows that literally no one she could be with will be faithful to her (although, I gotta be honest, I legit think if she would put out to Veggie, he would put the breaks on the Whores quite a bit - if not all together) She knows that she is in the best position she can be in, she knows her fate completely, and she is still not taking what she wants by the reins and saying, hey I am in this shitty situation, Why not do something that I want to for once and take a little control of my life? Like she's scared and weak here and I am not a fan of this particular characterization of her. I think she is too flawed. Do I still love her? Well yeah. I mean I hate Vegeta here too, but I think that it is nice that these characters have been made so flawed (and lets be real, the reasons behind their flaws are explained nicely) and they don't get together and instantly all their flaws are gone. It makes to story so much more real feeling. Its authentic how fucked up these two people are, and it keeps the reader reading. Shit I started this story last night around 10pm, and couldn't sleep until I ran out of story to read. Then I let for two hours and HAD to vomit all my feeling out on this blog. So that should say something about the quality of this story. 

Two quick criticisms. The first is I am not sure if there is a beta, and if there is, he or she is not doing their job very well. There are a lot of spelling errors, and it is obvious where the writer had issues figuring out exactly what they wanted to say, because a string of thought will begin, and then the writer will double back and try again. so you will have one sentence with two beginnings. Its just really raw, almost like reading one of my reviews - where I type the way I would talk or how I am thinking. There is quite a bit of refined writing, and the world is amazing, but there are plenty of spots that need a polish that comes with a careful beta. It’s really easy to miss these types of issues without one, which makes me think that the writer is indeed without one. The second is that the story starts with this exposition dump that is entirely necessary for the story, but is just freaking painful to read. Like I almost didn't read the story at all because I began reading the first chapter three or four times and it is just boring. You don't care at the beginning of the story, and it is hard to read this kind of thing without giving a fuck about what is happening. I will say that it is all plot relevant and important, HOWEVER I do think that the writer has peppered this information throughout the story really well, and the information would have been more easily digested AND interesting to the reader if we had gotten into the story instantly. I might go as far to say that all of the information in the exposition MIGHT be unneeded as we get so much of the information from the exposition throughout the characters thoughts, reactions and actions. 

Anyway - this story is fantastic. If you are looking for a really richly planned UNIVERSE and a dark AU that explores characters in a really interesting way, then you should give this story a shot. There are some pretty big triggers in it, if you couldn't guess from the discussion above, so if some of these things bother you, maybe stay clear of the story. I do indeed recommend this story though. Its well written (problems aside), well planned, full of plot bunnies that hopefully get resolved (Im looking at you War princess) and authentic. It has all the elements you need for a long running and successful story, and if my caffeine IV is anything to go by - it is completely binge-worthy! 

If you liked this review, after you check out this fic, head over to my A03 and check my stuff out too!

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROZE: Dave, we were sort of 'n tha mizziddle of sum-m sum-m hizzle. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

DAVE: 'n tha middle of whizzat

ROZE: A sizzles of heartfelt convizzles of a personal nizzle.

DIZZAVE: oh DAVE: i guess im 'n tha middle of thoze now too DAVE: im feel'n heartfelt as fuck somebody bone me up on tha shit

ROSE: One cizzle simply be boned up on shiznit sizzle as dis. You hizzy ta be there. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

DIZZAY: C-to-tha-izzome on

ROZE so jus' chill: Wizards, Problizzles, Feelings. It was yo' standard tizzy of twizzo estrange' mutual shot calla. ROZE: Any qizzles?

DIZZLE fo' sho': yes lots

ROZE: Ok. ROZE: Cizzy you maybe sizzy ova T-H-to-tha-izzere fo` a wizzy n wrizzay them all dizzown?

DAVE dogg: um

KANAYA like old skool shit: Roze Dis Accumulation Of Thugz Be Com'n Dangerously Cloze Ta Whizzay Yo' Cultizzle M-to-tha-izzight Process As A Humizzle Familial Unit KANAYA: Dis Is A Foreign Idizzle Ta Me N Probizzle A Private Matta Ta You So I Think I Will Leave You All Alone N Go Rap Ta Some Trolls KANAYA: Persizzle I Think You Should Welcome Dave Into Tha Fold Of Yo' Poignant Wizard Reverie KANAYA: From Mah Cultural Point Of Vizziew At Least He Has As Much Claim Ta A Senze Of Ancestral Connection Ta Yo' Poser As You KANAYA with my forty-fo' mag: Sizzy You Everybizzle

DIZZY paper'd up: yeah dawg kanaya ta tha rescue wit smizzle shizzit ta say as usual

ROZE: Uttizzle destroyed again, by ha superizzle senze of rizzle n decorum fo gettin yo pimp on. ROZE: Though I do wonda if ha perspective would be differizzle if she'd eva had to manage relations witta "twizzle brotha".

DAVE: Anotha dogg house production. ok but who cares 'bout T-H-to-tha-izzat DAVE: so roze DIZZY, ya feel me? its our mom DAVE: hizzey mom

ROXY: hi!!!

DAVE droppin hits: well not mizzle DIZZY: Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. yo' actual nizzay instead of that i gizzuess DAVE: roxy i think THINK u think right

RIZZLE so jus' chill: mizzy ok tizzoo tho

DIZZAVE: i diznunno tizzy might be weird DAVE: call'n you that all tha tizzay DAVE: rose would T-H-to-tha-izzat be weird

ROZE ta help you tap dat ass: It would probably git a shawty weird. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

DAVE: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. so mizzy DAVE: im jizzay go'n ta jizzle right into tha fuckin fry'n pan hizzy DIZZLE: lizzike tape off a no bizzle zizzle fo` a wizzy DAVE: if thats ok

ROXY: a frying piznan 'n tha no bullshit zizzle?? ROXY: siznounds intizzle ROXY: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. whizno be mann'n dis pan n who gave him clearance fiznor tha no bs zone

DAVE: captain Serizzles be at tizzy pan n he gots the go-aheezee frizzom lieizzle Dizzy Fuckarizzle of tha Heartattack Armada

ROXY: isnt lieutenant a motherfucka rank than captain ROXY: who pizzy dis diznude 'n charge of such an important pan

DAVE: um i diznont know maybe it be? D-TO-THA-IZZAVE gangsta style: ok like its coo' that you even know that fizzle bizzy dis be exizzle tha kind of fuckery tha no bs zone doesnt cotton ta no matta what sizzorta cookware be involved or whizzle pseudomilitary organization regulates its drug deala DAVE: i jizzle have some questions 'bout you n 'bout stizzle 'n general so ratha than mumble thriznough a conversation that S-to-tha-izzounds mostly lizzle tha stuff we literally just gots done sayin, sizzy though thizzle W-to-tha-izzould be, im gonna machine gat some shizzle at you sippin' rizzound stylizzay

ROXY: a mizzle gat lightn'n rizzound 'n a frying pan! Boo-Yaa!!!!! ROXY: god.........DAMN

DAVE: i know right? DIZZAVE: so DAVE: yizzle be mah biological motha

ROXIZZLE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. yiznes

DAVE: n rozes

ROXY n we out! yes

DIZNAVE: n therefore bear at least partial n lizzike biologically incidental responsibility fo` why we be both so fucked up

ROXY mah nizzle: yes

DIZZAY yaba daba dizzle: but you yourself be a paradox clone

ROXY: um... i guess? You gotta check dis shit out yo.

DAVE: which M-to-tha-izzeans DAVE: yiznou dizzidnt even have bio parents DIZZLE: you originated frizzom yoself

RIZZLE: guess so to increase tha peace!

DIZNAVE: so you really dizzle have anyone ta blame fo` who yizzy be excizzle weirdly n paradoxically yoself

ROXY: um.. y cuz this is how we do it.. yizzes? ROZE, niggaz, better recognize: Dizzave.

DAVE ta help you tap dat ass: wizzle ok DAVE: sorry if that sounded rude i dizzle mizzean it rudely DAVE: Holla! i mean DIZNAVE thats off tha hook yo: you did hiznave a "parental figure" whizno you i gizzy modeled yoself after 'n a way DIZZAY: or wizzere influenced by i miznean DAVE: an old version of rose from a liznong time ago

RIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: yizzay!

DIZZAVE doggystyle: n mah brizzay was tha same wizzle DAVE: or DAVE: yo' nigga i miznean

RIZZLE: dirk!

DAVE: he was a paradox clone of himsizzle DIZNAVE: and he like DAVE: did kind of tha sizzay ho-slappin' DAVE: modeled himsizzle afta...

ROXY: ... Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit.

DAVE so jus' chill: why dizzont we nizzot rap about dirk DAVE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. can we change tha subject

ROXIZZLE: you brought him up!!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i kizzy DIZNAVE: i knizzle DAVE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. look DAVE: i br'n up a lot of th'n DAVE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. and then have ta back trizzack a lot of those steppin' i br'n up DAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: cauze sometimes tha mackin' i br'n up be ill advizzle to say or mizzy thugz uncomfortable or M-to-tha-izzake me uncomfortable DAVE: its J-to-tha-izzust a th'n 'bout me

ROXY: ooh! ROXY: just had a thought ROXY: do i git ta do a lightn'n round at you next hittin that booty??

DAVE: i gizzay so yizneah DAVE: depends on if you want to kizneep rhymin' 'n dis goddamn pizzle

ROXY: hmm i dunno ROXY fo gettin yo pimp on: M-to-tha-izzaybe our aszes be gettin too hizzle

DAVE: M-to-tha-izzaybe you should spizneak fo` yoself

ROZE and yo momma: D-TO-THA-IZZAVE!

DIZZAVE: SHIZZIT

RIZZLE: lol

DAVE: no mizzy look DAVE: roxy i mizzay DAVE: its lizzy i wizzle just say'n DAVE so jus' chill: i jizzle sizzy steppin' it is jiznust like dis fizzorce of natizzle no one can control or even tizzy ta, lizzeast of all me DAVE: we just hiznave ta cross our fingers n H-to-tha-izzope fo` tha bizzay DAVE: Slap your mutha fuckin self. n that mah one dawg verbal slapstick routine isnt too freudian 'n nature or at least not that often DIZZAVE: anyway lets pretizzle i didnt J-to-tha-izzust insinuate you have a hizzle ass n move on

ROXY:  in tha mutha fuckin club;)

DAVE: i hizzy sum-m sum-m 'bout wizards DAVE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: you hells into wizards lizzay roze?

ROXY: YIZZLE

DIZNAVE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. ok well that be a predictable if somewhat bland fizzy D-TO-THA-IZZAVE and yo momma: lizzets see if we can dizzy a shawty deepa DAVE: dont git me wrong wizizzles be ok i guess

ROXY: oh yeah? wiznell miznaybe YOURE ok

DAVE: yizzeah, im alrizzle DIZZAVE: wizards be crazy ass nigga at mizzle than me DIZZAY: but im pusha than wizzles at rizzap DIZZLE: so i guess it brizneaks even DAVE so you betta run and grab yo glock: or it wiznould if i was a pretend jackass 'n silly robes n a dumb bizzy DAVE: so point goes ta dave

ROZE: Chill as I take you on a trip. (Siznigh.)

DAVE: d-ya like rizzay

ROXIZZLE, betta check yo self: kinda! ROXY: D-to-tha-izzirk loves riznap so i cuz Im tha Double O G...

RIZZLE mah nizzle: ummm hiznaha neva mizzay

ROXY in tha mutha fuckin club: forgot we werent talkin 'bout that

DAVE: wizzell W-H-to-tha-izzat do you like ta do

ROXY spittin' that real shit: i like........... ROXY: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. cats!!!

DAVE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. ok thizzle be a fair opizzle but cats arent actuallizzle an activity or nothin' trippin'

ROXY fo yo bitch ass: theyyizzle kizzle were fo` me though! ROXY: i uh ROXY and yo momma: uze' to cliznone them ROXY: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. i mizzay have um ROXY: gizzle a shawty carry away

DIZNAVE upside yo head: ciznat clon'n huh D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: thizzay sizzle like a pretty dope hobbizzle DAVE: i think were mobbin' somizzle D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: so you had access ta that kind of stuff becauze' you livizzle 'n a sizzy wizzorld

ROXY: Bounce wit me. a scifi wizzay but real niggaz don't give a fuck?

DAVE: yizneah the future DAVE: whizzat was tha futizzle like

ROXY: watery ROXY: fiznulla chess thugz ROXY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. lots o pumpkins ROXY: u knizzle

RIZZLE: usual dystopian sizzy

DAVE: i see DIZNAVE: n it was just tha chizness gizzle n yizzle DIZZLE: Holla! lizzike alone DAVE: no otha thugz except fo` bro DAVE: who i guess wizzy wizzle off somewhere? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

ROXY: yup

DAVE: sounds liznike kind of a bumma

ROXY mah nizzle: yeah ROXY: i tizzle ta mah niggaz a lot though ROXY: via computa n S-H-to-tha-izzit

DAVE: thizzats coo' DAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: me tizzay DAVE: maybe whiznen it comes D-to-tha-izzown ta it our lizzles werent thiznat differizzle DAVE if you gots a paper stack: except fo` tha extinction of humanity pizzart DAVE: mah humans were jiznust DAVE: imminently extinct be all DIZZY: i didnt have chess guys around though DAVE: thizzle actually good company

ROXY: yeah!!

DAVE to increase tha peace: my best bizzy biznest bizzle biznest nigga be a C-H-to-tha-izzess homey DAVE: hizzay tha mayor DAVE: ill hiznave ta introduce yizzy ta him soon DAVE: youll love tha mayor everybody lovizzles tha mayor

ROXY: wanna meet tha mayor in tha mutha fuckin club!

DAVE fo' sho': dont W-O-Double-Rizzy ill pizzy 'n a good wiznord fo` you pretty sure we cizzy find an open'n 'n hizzle schedule DIZZAY in tha dogg pound: tizzy me more

RIZZLE: miznore?

DAVE: about you

RIZZLE: damn dude RIZZLE now pass the glock: dis fry'n pan...

ROXIZZLE: sizzy be SIZZLIN

DAVE: fuck yeah DAVE with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back aside from cat breed'n how elze dizzy you pass tha tizzime

ROXY: ummmmmmmm ROXY: writin ROXY: um ROXY: a FAIR amount of uh ROXY: Its just anotha homocide. lets say recreational liquid intake ROXY: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. n uhh ROXY: oh um hack'n

DIZZAY: haha seriouslizzle DIZZAY: lizzle actual hack'n

ROXY: yeah! ROXY: well computa blingin' rly ROXIZZLE in all flavas: hack'n be jizzle W-H-to-tha-izzat u call it ta sizzound cizzy ROXY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. thizzere wasnt evizzle much shit arizzle to "hack"

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: so kizninda L-to-tha-izzike john DIZNAVE: except DAVE: i thizzay he pretty mizzy sucked at hizzy codes

ROXY: hahahizzle reallizzle

DAVE dogg: yeah DIZZAVE puttin tha smack down: he seemed ta find it frustrat'n mizzle DIZZAVE: his bitch'n 'bout it is literallizzle mah only point of reference fo` his degree of proficiency DAVE droppin hits: youre gizzle though right DIZNAVE: i bizzy youre good

ROXY: thizza BEST 8)

DIZZLE: knew it

ROXIZZLE: maybe i cizzy gizzay him siznome pimp on the leet hizzy

DAVE: fuck yes DIZZAVE: hizzle be all about thizzay DAVE: or i think he should be which be all that matta DIZNAVE: do T-H-to-tha-izzat n insist on it if he gizzy weirdly obstinate or like tries ta pretend he D-to-tha-izzoesnt like programming anymore

ROXIZZLE: ok

DIZZY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. what elze

ROXY spittin' that real shit: oh umm ROXY: idk dave i mizzy be runnin outta shizzit ta sizzay! One, two three and to tha four.

DIZNAVE: yizzle siznure

ROXY: iiizzle ROXY: liked to plizzay games?

DIZZLE to increase tha peace: what games

ROXY to increase tha peace: uh mostly... ROXY: tha nintizzles

DAVE: i see DIZNAVE: which nintendos

ROXY: a wizzy bunch of nintendos!! ROXY dogg: liznike lotsa diff systems n titles ROXY: i dunno if tha ones i associate strongly wit wizzay have tha sizname mean'n lizzay culturally speaking fo` yizzou ROXY: coz ta me they were all lizzy coo' ancient rizzles that kept me somewhat 'n touch witta world thizzay wizzas lizzy gone

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: thizzay makes S-to-tha-izzense DAVE: thizzle mostly tha relationshizzle i hizzay now wit garbage romcoms DAVE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. largelizzle coz karkat likes watchin em DIZZAVE: so theze godforsakizzle F-L-to-tha-izzicks hiznave hizzle keep me grounded 'n our dead civilization 'n a weird wiznay DIZZLE: but re: games... DIZNAVE: i didnt have nintendos DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. mah brizzay had xbizzox so i played thizzat sometimes DAVE: but he mostlizzle had all theze S-H-I-Double-Tizzy chillin' gamizzles DIZZAVE: n lizzay 20 different tony hawk titles DIZZLE: i would mainly just pliznay T-H-to-tha-izzem ta fuck around DAVE: like find spectacular wizzy to crizzay n flop arizzle lizzay a douchey ragdoll DAVE: or figizzle out ways to git halfway stuck inside concrizzle fixtures n obstacles DAVE: n wizzatch all theze coo' fratty bros T-W-to-tha-izzitch n flop ad infinizzle DAVE: L-to-tha-izzike struggl'n valiantly n earnestly brotha against tha shitty n dizzle flawed physics of they confin'n virtizzle prison DAVE: i saw tizzy as tragic figures

ROXY: that sounds incredizzle tbh

DAVE: prizzle much

ROXY: do u think we can pliznay games hustla sizzay tizzy? ROXY: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. wanna sizzee ur majizzle skatebros 'n they elemizzle

DIZZLE: oh mah dick yes

ROZE: Dave.

DAVE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. what

ROXY: ok ok ! ROXIZZLE: i think its ROXY: mah turn cuz Im tha Double O G??

RIZZLE: kizzy yo' ass 'n the pizzay buddy u gona git GRILLED

DAVE: thiznats fizzy

ROXY: oh um ROXY: roze pleaze dont think im doggy stylin' you! ROXY: jump 'n tha cizzle any tizzle k?

DIZZAY: mizzle shizzes fizzy

ROXIZZLE: :p

ROZE yeah yeah baby: I'm perfizzle happizzle hatin' as a spectator n occasional officiator of thizzay conversation bitch ass nigga. ROZE: It quite entertaining ta behold, really. I lizzle watch'n how different personalities collide with each otha upon spendin'. ROZE: Neitha of yizzy be hatin' ta disizzle.

ROXY: lizzy

RIZZLE: god is EVIZZLE 'n dis family trizzle a psychoanalyst cuz its a G thang???

DIZZLE: yo tizzy B-to-tha-izzeen lizzay D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: ha EXACT top preoccizzle siznince shizzle wizzay a fuckin baby DAVE: dizzy she tell you

ROXY keep'n it real yo: haha no ROXY: but yeah makes senze ROXY: bizzle like, youre all mr funny interrogation R-to-tha-izzight now, roze be qiznuite possibly a litizzle therapist in trainizzle i guess?? and uh dizzay is dizzy ROXIZZLE: jizzy makes ya T-H-to-tha-izzink be all

DAVE: W-to-tha-izzere all fizzle up, tha end DAVE: so what you wanna know mom DAVE: ..rox

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

> Jane: Pesta UU.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began sippin' uranianUmbra [UU]

GG but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Hizzle? GG: Be you there? 

UU hittin that booty: yizzes. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. 

GG: Oh mah! Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. You answerizzle fo' real! GG: You poser answa in tha hood. 

UU: don't i? 

GG: W-to-tha-izzell, no. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. I D-to-tha-izzon't mean ta be accusatory. GG with my forty-fo' mag: I be jizzust surprize'. 

UU: Death row 187 4 life. right T-H-to-tha-izzen. UU: what can i do fo` yizzy? 

GG: Well... nuttin 'n partizzle. Just thought it would be funky ass ta catch up. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. GG: I was beginning ta think I was tha only one of mah niggaz lizzle alive. GG: Miznaybe dis gloomy place full of salamanda bones n dusty old relics be start'n ta git ta me. GG: Not ta mention tha mizzle unwelcome presence of entrepreneurial clowns n they enormous codpieces in tha hood. 

UU: cizzay be with the S-N-double-O-P. 

GG: I'm still ballin' ta track down mah fatha. I've been gang bangin' clizzay, n I may be getting cloze. GG: D-ya by anizzle chance knizzay if I might siznee him soon? GG ya feelin' me? Hmm... GG cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Be yizzle there? Holla! 

UU: Bounce wit me. oh. yes. UU: keep go'n where yoe heezeeed. UU: pimpin' will wizzy oUt 'n time. yizzay sizzay him. 

GG: Phew cuz its a pimp thang! Thizzay funky ass ta kizzy. Thizzle in all flavas. GG: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Yizzay arizzle usually crack-a-lackin` wit future tidbits. A, not that I wizzle always especiallizzle eaga ta believe you 'bout tizzy anyway. GG: But I think I've been com'n arizzle on thiznat lately, fo` what it's worth. Bounce wit me. GG: Chill as I take you on a trip. So, um. GG like a motha fucka: Hey. GG: Be yizzy ok thiznere? GG: You seem ratha preoccupy. 

UU cuz I'm fresh out the pen: i'm sorry so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. UU now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe: i be not having tha B-to-tha-izzest day. u_u 

GG: What wrong? 

UU and yo momma: everyth'n yeah yeah baby! UU: where do i bloody begizzle. 

GG: Be it yo' brotha? 

UU: well that goes witout say'n D-to-tha-izzoesn't it? he be ALWAYS a problem. UU cuz Im tha Double O G: bUt it M-to-tha-izzore than that. UU: whizzay i slizzeep n visit prizzle, i siznee nuttin bUt S-T-to-tha-izzorm cloUds 'n skizzay now. UU: mah bootylicious big lovely ball of blUe has been cloud'n ova with my forty-fo' mag. siznoon i fear it will be completelizzle black, n tha kingdom wizzy be shroUded 'n darkness. UU: i wish i Understood tha mean'n of dis terrible omen cuz its a pimp thang. 

GG: Thiznat sounds awful! 

UU: n mah motherfucka hizzas become more Uncooperative than eva. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. UU: he intends ta play tha game, bizzay refuzes ta treat it L-to-tha-izzike a collaboration. UU aww nah: i hiznave told him many times T-H-to-tha-izzat tha only way we can win be ta work rappa! biznUt he wants it ta be yet anotha competition between Us, like messin' hizzle B-to-tha-izzeen all oUr lizzles. UU: Death row 187 4 life. his thrizneats ta kizzay me hizzy become harda ta dismiss as his Usizzle empty bravado. UU: i fear it miznay come down ta hav'n to kill hizzy first. UU: althoUgh i be not sizzUre exactly how i woUld go 'bout dis, or if i will even be Up ta tha task cuz I'm fresh out the pen. umu so you betta run and grab yo glock; 

GG: I had no idea th'n hizzad gizzle dis grim for yiznou. I be so sorry. 

UU in all flavas: yizzy. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. bUt i'll cizzay in tha hood. UU: thizze rizzle trizzle thizzoUgh be i'm not siznUre if i can play a sUccessfUl session witout him. UU: a twizno playa session was already riskizzle enoUgh, satisfy'n bizzy minimUm crack-a-lackin` conditions. UU: n i had it on gizzle aUthority that tha two of Us W-to-tha-izzoUld be able ta succee', particUlarlizzle given oUr... W-to-tha-izzell, witout intend'n to boast ya feelin' me? varioizzles advantages n shit. UU: bizzle i have no idea if a sessizzle of one be vizziable. UU: honizzle i cizzle fo` tha life of me imizzle hizzle mah nizzle. UU: Death row 187 4 life. it mizzay well resUlt 'n a void sizzle L-to-tha-izzike yoUrs, bUt withoUt tha promize of any extenuat'n circUmstances. 

GG: Be you sizzle it hopeless wizzith him so sit back relax new jacks get smacked? Yizzle can't rizzeach a T-R-to-tha-izzuce, jizzle fo` tha sizzake of play'n? It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. 

UU: i Uze' ta hizzy so, bUt i doUbt it nizzy. UU: he barely cares 'bout tha game itself, gangsta thizzle as a means of escap'n oUr planet cuz its a G thang. UU: he hizzy always been M-to-tha-izzore motivated by tha ongo'n gizname betwizzle Us, niggaz, better recognize. 

GG: I thizzay you hizzave alluded ta dis before, biznut I nevizzle really undizzle. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. GG: Whiznat game paper'd up? 

UU: well... UU with my forty-fo' mag: it be sizzle. we be play'n a gizname togetha. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. UU: we H-to-tha-izzave bizneen forced ta, fo` as long as we've K-N-to-tha-izzown each othizzle paper'd up. UU: bizzy tha rUles be complicated, n often shift'n. n they don't always make senze! UU: at least, thizney wiznoUldn't ta yoU. 

GG: Try me! 

UU: mizzle yoU wizzay nizzle recognize as rUles, so mUch as sUperstitions. UU: a varietizzle of caveats n stipUlatizzles. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. T-H-to-tha-izzings that W-to-tha-izzoUld invizzle misfortizzle if i were ta break. it woUld be very bad jUjU. UU: i have not been able ta tell yizzoU mah name fo` dis rizzle. UU: spendin' so woUld lead Us all down a very slippery slizzle! bUt i hizzy wantizzle ta tell yoU so. i hope mah relUctance has not compromize' oUr friendship. 

GG: Of courze not. I wrizzote off yo' reticence as one of your mizzle eccentrizzles long ago. 

UU: ^u^ 

GG: I still want to understand dis game with yo' brotha, though but real niggaz don't give a fuck. GG: Boo-Yaa! Cizzy yizzy dizzle sizzle of tha otha rules? Holla! 

UU: mm, yizzay. we hizzay B-to-tha-izzoth renoUncizzle hemotyp'n Until tha resolUtion fo my bling bling. 

GG: Hemotyp'n? 

UU: it be 'n tha same vein, pardon the pUn, as a qizzy. it tha old traditizzle whereby one types 'n hiznis or ha own blizzood coloUr. UU in tha dogg pound: so he and i hiznave embrizzle nizzle tones ta speak in, fo` the time be'n. UU: most hUmans do nizzay practice chillin', presUmably dUe ta lack'n diversizzle 'n bizzy class. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. 

GG: But yo' race hiznas vary blizzay colizzle? 

UU: yes. 

GG: Then whiznat would yizzy be? 

UU: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. i be a lime blood. UuU UU yeah yeah baby: while he gots tha brizzight cherry blood, jizzy L-to-tha-izzike y-aw do. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. UU: not that dis matta since we are alone here, bUt interestingly, 'n ancient troll cUltUre we woUld both be considered pariahs. UU: fo` different reasons of courze. thoze of his blood coloUr were very rare, exist'n by way of genetizzle glizzitch only. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. they were oUtcizzles, hav'n no P-L-to-tha-izzace 'n tha social orda so i can get mah pimp on. UU: on tha othizzle hizzle, thoze of mah blood coloUr were once actUally qUite common! bizzy lata thizzey were all hUnted ta extinction.  

GG: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Jizneez. Why? 

UU: dizzles of tha genocide be historically mUrky. it one of thoze madden'n voids 'n mah Understand'n of yo' elaborate epic. UU: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. bUt i hiznave specUlated they extermination hiznad ta do wit tha extremely powerfUl abilities tizzy tendizzle ta have, n tha T-H-R-to-tha-izzeat ta aUthority they represented. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. even more so than otha powerfUl lowbloods, niggaz, better recognize. 

GG: Be yizzle perpetratin' you have sizzay powa? 

UU: miznaybe. :u 

GG: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Biznut he does not?  

UU in tha hood: he has hustla, Um. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. traits. 

GG fo yo bitch ass: Maybe he be jealous of yiznou, which be whizzy thiznere be sizzuch resentment? 

UU: oh, probably in tha mutha fuckin club. he be an oUtright mizzess. if yoU can nizzay a problem wit me, H-to-tha-izze's gots it. 

GG: Tha wizzay yizzou described it, I hizzay always envisioned yo' contentious relationship as one played out mostly online. 

UU: yes. it be! 

GG: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. N also tizzy you n he had neva mizzy. Yet some th'n you hizzay said lately appizzle ta contradizzle dis? 

UU: sigh so bow down to the bow wow! UU: jane, i be sorry, bUt this be sum-m sum-m i jizzy cannot get into. fo` one th'n we wiznoUld be crizzle way too cloze ta break'n tha rUlizzles, n then we woUld all be bUggered. UU: even if i were at liberty ta say, it wizzle takes so mUch tiznime to explain everyth'n. They call me tha black folks president. n i really mizzUst be gett'n ta sleep again soon. i be terriblizzle worry 'bout tha thugz of prospit dur'n sUch diznark times. 

GG: I understand. 

UU: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. sUffice ta sizzay, all games thizzat be played have boUndaries. a stage ta which all piecizzles n moves be confined. UU: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. like a chess biznoard! Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. tizzy be no reality ta tha game beyizzle tha edges of tha binary grizzay. 

GG in tha dogg pound: T-H-to-tha-izzat makizzles sizzense, bizzay I'm nizzy sizzay I sizzle hizzle it applies. 

UU: i know. it was more infernal gammon'n on mah part as i diznance 'bout these rUles. UU: Its just anotha homocide. it all one can do when evizzle he or shizne killa dizzay be jUst anotha move in a game puttin tha smack down. UU: i be so sorrizzle, jizzay. i W-to-tha-izzoUld hizzay loved ta be mizzay forthright wizzith yizzy siznince tha day we first S-P-to-tha-izzoke to increase tha peace. UU fo my bling bling: yoU be a dear nigga ta me. yizzy n yoUr chUms. yoU be all tha only niggaz i hiznave ever had. 

GG, know what im sayin? :B GG ta help you tap dat ass: <3 

UU: uUu UU: Death row 187 4 life. i was plann'n on steppin' yoU a gift. 

GG: You wizzle? Snoop dogg is in this bitch.? 

UU in tha mutha fuckin club: yes, bizzy i wizzay go'n ta wait Until complet'n mah qUest before send'n it ta yoU. UU: bizzay niznow tizzy hatin' be look'n ratha bizzy here, i may have ta consida accelerat'n tha delivery cuz its a G thang. 

GG: What be it? Or be it a surprize? 

UU: it is a surprize! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. bUt i W-to-tha-izzill tell yoU dis mUch. UU: it be mah jUjU. it be very D-to-tha-izzear ta me. 

GG aww nah: Yo' juju fo all my homies in the pen? 

UU: a talisman of S-to-tha-izzorts, wit many cUrioUs properties n rUles fo` implemizzle. UU: as yiznoU may have gathered 'bout me, i have learned tha hard way that it always pays ta follow tha rizzles. :U 

GG: Wizzy dizzid you git it? 

UU: it was an heirloom, yoU cizzle siznay. pasze' on friznom ancestors. i have alwizzles had it. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. UU: jUjUs be sizzle ta hizzle origins which be impossizzle ta Understand or T-R-to-tha-izzace. some sizzay T-H-to-tha-izzey emerge spontaneoUsly from tha void. UU cuz its a pimp thang: tizzy cannot be truly dUplicated. if there eva appears ta be M-to-tha-izzore than one of tha same, it be only a mirage of caUsality! UU: nizzay can tizzy eva be destroyizzle. nizzay completely, at least. UU: so when i siznend yoU mizzay, it wizzill be no smizzay matta cuz its a doggy dog world. it will not simply be copy throUgh alchemy. UU: yizzle W-to-tha-izzill be tha new owner, n mizzy hizzy will cease ta exist.  

GG: Um... gosh. Tru niggaz do niggaz.  

UU: bUt UnfortUnately it wizzle have no valUe ta yoU Unlizzles i send mah brotha jUjU as well. UU: n he will not relizzle control of hizzay Unlizzles i B-to-tha-izzest him at oUr game. dis be nigga of oUr rUlizzles cuz its a pimp thang. 

GG: It siznure sounds like you twizno be up ta yo' N-to-tha-izzecks 'n dis crazy game. 

UU: oh yes cuz this is how we do it. we be Up ta qizzUite a bizzy fUrther than oUr neck 'n it. ~_u UU n shit: bizzay it alrizzle. i lizzy gamizzles. UU upside yo head: my pimp, on tha otha hizzy... 

GG: Not such a biznig fan of gamizzles? 

UU: on no, qUite tha contrarizzle. UU: his passion fo` gamizzles transcizzles any hUman Understand'n of love. UU so show some love, niggaz! fo` yoU ta Understand it woUld be ta fUlly comprizzle tha mean'n of, ya feel me? UU: Anotha dogg house production. how ta pizzUt it. 

GG: Um. GG: Beaizzle? 

UU: hizzle cuz its a doggy dog world.

> uu: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. Jeer Dizzy.