#I don’t blame Sam I blame the writers because Sam would never

[charred-angelwings]

glad I’m not the only one who sees or hears the word “rebar” and gets angry heartbreak flashbacks and sees red because SAME!!

also now any time in movies/games/shows when they kill off a hero character in a crazy unsatisfactory way I say “they Dean Winchestered him”

So Ellie at 14 keeps Joel alive after a rebar incident in a post apocalyptic world with little to no resources, what excuse does Sam have for letting Dean die with emergency services available to him

[luna-rainbow]

Thanks for your answer for the last ask.

What is wrong with the writers of the new MCU material? Do they just hate Bucky, especially the writer of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier (he's NOT the Winter Soldier anymore!)? Did Bucky kick their cat or something? This hatred and victim blaming is not justified! "Oh Bucky's just a cray-cray psycho killing machine with cool metal arm but probably belongs in a padded cell. Lol he says he had no choice such a lame excuse..."

Soo…I don’t know if people still remember the rumours from back in 2021 and I don’t know how much of it is true, but my guess at it is this: there were supposed to be two main writers on the series. Spellman was supposed to take Sam’s story, while the other guy wrote Bucky’s story. For whatever reason, the other guy quit before he finished, and didn’t give the writing team enough time to put things together.

From a story craft point of view, Bucky’s story in TFATWS reeks of first-draft-ism. It’s a scattered plot of events that don’t quite string together, and a self-contradictory characterisation that hasn’t yet been smoothed over (but was made a little more believable by Sebastian’s efforts). You can tell some central character themes had been planted in the first draft — the PTSD, the guilt, the messy way he’s trying to relearn how to interact with people (Yori, Sam and later the Wakandans), the struggle with breaking free of his past. These were all strong, interesting character beats for Bucky to work through, and it honestly could have been a good story. And I think that’s when the original writer bailed.

When Spellman picked up this draft, he was pressed for time, he hadn’t watched CATWS and he never thought he’d needed to know about Bucky’s story, so he reads TheMovieSpoiler summary of the movie and tries to piece the rest of the story together. But Bucky’s not his priority nor his interest. There’s already beats of the story that were planned and have to be there for IP reasons. So beyond what was already in the first draft as mentioned above, Bucky is made to be the fall guy to make the rest of the plot happen. Zemo’s release — well we can’t make Sam help break out the criminal that killed an African king so we’ll make Bucky do it, who cares if it makes no sense for his character. The counselling session — the show’s few moments of levity, doesn’t matter that it makes no sense but hey, forced homoeroticism is hilarious, isn’t it? The Wakandan three-way fight — I may be remembering this wrong but I think Skogland said it was one of the first scenes that she had planned for. That fight had to happen, and again Bucky was made to provoke the Wakandans to the point Seb had to step in and say, almost literally, “he would not fucking say that” to make them wind back the animosity between Bucky and Ayo. Sam’s suit — oh no we can’t have Sam asking for it himself that would be too egocentric, we also can’t have Wakandans offering because well, not like the plot actually made Sam a strong ally for Wakanda, so we get Bucky asking for Sam’s suit to be made minutes after he fixes his mistake of releasing Zemo. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense if it’s Bucky doing it, cos I really think by this stage Spellman didn’t give a shit about a character that wasn’t supposed to be his responsibility in the first place. It’s like when you’re doing group project and your teammate bails on you, you’re gonna do just enough to get that pass but you ain’t putting in the effort for a distinction cos just looking at the unfinished work is pissing you off. So then Bucky also becomes the token white male who pushes all the wrong buttons during the few token racism scenes cos we gotta make Walker have some redeemable qualities and he’s already a dick so we can’t make him racist too.

So instead of having a thoughtful story about a veteran trying to grapple with his guilt and PTSD and lack of agency and making some mistakes along the way, you get a weird disjointed plot of some guy…with some bad dreams…who randomly does things for no good personal reason…who gets made the butt of the joke for the stuff he’s experienced cos he’s got a metal arm and super soldier serum how hard could it have been he just needs to go and apologise for killing people while simultaneously having multiple poignant scenes portraying his lack of agency.

Every writer who tells you “a hero is only as interesting as the villain” just secretly wants to write a simpable villain. And when that writer isn’t very skilled, you get the disaster of TFATWS where a lot of effort is spent on making Zemo funny and personable, and Walker nuanced and sympathetic, instead of making either of the titular heroes funny or personable or nuanced or sympathetic. And yeah, I really don’t think Spellman ever cared enough about Bucky to want to make him sympathetic…or a hero. Remember when he said Bucky pulling open the van door was the first time Bucky has ever been a hero? Fuck right off with that.

[scoobydoodean]

ok lol officially most annoying anon in the world (“mischaracterization” anon who just said they were abdicating from the convo 4 being high as balls which. is real and i should stop cuz atp im p sure the whole point of what ur getting at is going over my head lmfao) BUT in terms of what u said u were getting at in ur poll (like if the writers were cognizant of it or if it’s more a display of their own internal biases? again im stupid and high sorry if im once again missing the point by a mile)… BUT

I don’t have any strong inclinations either way but if I had to choose I’d have to say it’s more their own internal/personal bias’s coming out rather than something they were expecting the audience to pick up on and maybe think about. And the only reason I say this is because the identities/status of the people she killed were never really explicitly stated (at least from what i can immediately recall of the episodes) or brought up again.

like it’s notttt rlly brought up throughout the episode aside from just learning that those people are dead and she killed them? like idk nothing about it rlly inclines me to believe it was anything more than subconscious or latent beliefs in the writers because I do think we were supposed to empathize with her so it does make sense in that sort of lens that the writers chose “criminals” or whatever to kinda “soften the blow”, if u will, of her having killed people?

idk. i wanna know what what u think tho!!! like in terms of the poll u posted what would ur answer be?

I have mixed feelings about it, because I think the previous associations the writers have made with Sam and class (as well as Dean and class—for example—in 2.20 "What Is And What Should Never Be") make it very possible it's intentional. Sam justifies Amy's actions partly based on class, and Dean condemns her actions partly for the same reason—that she doesn't get to kill people and get away with it just because they're beneath her on the social ladder. It seems so obvious that one wants to assume it's very intentionally and purposefully done.

At the same time, you are right that the presentation of the story—told through the mouth of a cop and a few newspaper clippings—is heavily biased against the victims. The cop says the third victim deserved it because he had been in and out of jail for petty offenses, and Sam calls him a "low life". You have to work very hard to capture the story of the second victim in the newspaper article. You really can't capture the story on those pages without really sitting down to read, paused on the correct frames. A prominent part of the article is focusing on the victim being a heroin addict who had relapsed and was high when he went to the park. He was vulnerable and "in the wrong place at the wrong time". What gets me the most though is the prominent headline for the first victim: "Body found in park, victim known to police". What a gross way to poison the well. The barely visible subheading reads: "Man had been arrested multiple times, had outstanding warrant". (Again—these multiple arrests indicate petty offenses rather than felonies—probably another addict). When Amy makes an attempt on another victim in the park (only to be stopped by Sam), the target is drunk and fumbling with his keys, trying to get into his locked car. So in every case, the presentation not just from Amy and Sam and the cop but the episode as a whole attempts to bias the audience against the victims, trying to paint them as people who shouldn't be missed, who deserved what they got, and/or whose vulnerability was to blame for what happened to them.

Amy seems to target people who are high or drunk in the park at night because they're vulnerable and alone. I think some fans jump to frame her choice of targets as vigilantism that helps assuage her guilt, but none of those people deserved to die—and it really isn't vigilantism—she's simply following her own mother's shrewd M.O.—you target people who are alone and whose situational awareness is impeded by substances and whose deaths the cops won't put much effort into investigating because they don't see them as victims.

I also think this episode tries very hard to paint Dean in a negative light even prior to him killing Amy. Bobby insists Dean's concern over Sam's well-being isn't warranted when it is perfectly warranted. (We've seen Bobby brush off Dean's reasonable concerns before in 6.06). Then Sam pops off, cutting Dean off to throw a bunch of nonsense in his mouth, and conflating himself with Amy in an absolutely ridiculous way. Dean's voice is suppressed (which is also imo—a prominent feature of the Dabb era in general later in the series). On top of that, this certainly isn't the only episode where Dabb and Loflin's most overt messages try to bias the audience against Dean.

[autisticandroids]

watched 1x14 nightmare today. so there's this moment in that ep that everybody talks about, at the end. this one:

SAM: Well I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad. DEAN: (Looking astounded...and pleased) Well I never thought I'd hear you say that. SAM: Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. I little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we woulda had Max's childhood. All things considered, we turned out ok. Thanks to him. DEAN: (Turning back to look at Max's house) All things considered.

it's a moment people pay a lot of attention to. because the thing is... dean's face falls, here. he's clearly put off by what sam's saying. he's bothered. and the common reading of that is that there was some degree of abuse more like max's that sam never saw. and that's like. that's DEFINITELY a legible reading of this episode.

however! i actually think this is a place where paying attention to authorial intent leads you interesting places.

so, first of all, what was the overall thesis of nightmare? i would argue that it's sam needs to stop being a pussy and whining about his childhood, some people have real problems. that's why the abuse max experiences is so cartoonishly bad, why the final conclusion is that max will always be miserable and is better off dead, why sam walks out of this experience more willing to empathize with john: the point of nightmare is that sam needs to learn that he could have had it way worse, that in fact growing up a hunter was the best option.

sam and max have a conversation in the middle of the episode that cements this point:

MAX: He blamed me for everything. For his job, for his life, for my Mom's death. SAM: Why would he blame you for your Mom's death? MAX: Because she died in my nursery, while I was asleep in my crib. As if that makes it my fault. SAM: (Looking shocked) She died in your nursery? MAX: There was a fire. And he'd get drunk and babble on like she died in some insane way. He said that she burned up. Pinned to the ceiling!

the point being made here is that sam is lucky. both mary and max's mother died in insane ways. john responded to this by accepting the insanity and getting obsessed with hunting demons. max's dad falls deeper into drink and blames max instead. this is the way to present the miserable demon hunting child soldier lifestyle as the better option.

(it's also useful to talk about how john was probably not intended to be perceived as an abusive father (though of course he obviously is, the writers just don't think anything that isn't what max went through counts as abuse); @restlesshush has a point she likes to make about how no one bothered to tell jdm that john's relationship with salmondean is fraught so he just doesn't play it that way.)

so now that we've established the overall point of nightmare, let's get back to the original point. now, i specifically want to talk about what i think the intent of the text is.

now, the basic formula of supernatural season one is that sam and dean get in an argument at the start of the episode, usually about their father, and it continues throughout. and when one of them fails to argue back, the other notices. look at this moment from 1x11 scarecrow:

DEAN: Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life. SAM: Are you serious? DEAN: You’ve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I—anyway….I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy. SAM: I don’t even know what to say.

dean fails to fulfill his narrative role, and sam notices. this is the same kind of things as when for example dean becomes more and more obsessed with clinging to sam because he has to in order to maintain the format of the show (i.e. two brothers). character flows from format, instead of the other way 'round.

and here, in nightmare, dean is unsettled by sam's change of heart, mostly because it breaks format, but also because, due to the format, sam (at least in dean's perception) has the character trait of "dad-critical" and it unnerves dean when this changes. that is i think as far as we can definitively say authorial intent goes. nightmare is a sam episode, so any deeper meaning is probably imo between jensen ackles and the fans.

but, if you'll permit me to go a little deeper than authorial intent while still using it as a baseline. here, in nightmare, the tendency to notice sam failing to fulfill his role becomes a lot more interesting. look at that scarecrow quote:

DEAN: You’ve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish I—anyway….I admire that about you. I’m proud of you, Sammy.

dean's disquiet when sam fails to fulfill his role as john-critic is both intriguing and unsettling. it's layered. dean isn't just reacting to sam not following the script. he needs someone to play the role of john critic in his life, because he can't do it. he is, consciously or unconsciously, relying on sam to do it for him. and that's why he makes that face outside the millers' house.

[msfbgraves]

It’s sad seeing all the upsurge of hate CK6 is getting along with Johnny but tbh, I feel like it’s deserved. Daniel deserved better, so much better. I’ll die standing on that hill. I’m still watching it since I’ve watched everything else KK and CK, but I doubt I’ll like it. I’m honestly here for whatever Silverusso crumbs I can gather, if any, since I don’t care about anyone else. Oh well. I’ve been brutally disappointed in other shows and book series before, so this’ll just be another brutal disappointment. I’m sorry I invested several years of my life into this series. Daniel will always be special to me, and I do love Terry, Robby, and Sam too. Johnny and Kreese can both suck it. Well, at least there’s fanfic.

The first two seasons were good. Flawed, very much through the male gaze, but good. And then the third season showed these men's true colours: no. We're not going to take any responsibility. Johnny's is not going to grow at all. We're going to show Robby the right way of aggression in Juvie. Robby almost bested Miguel, who is some sort of karate prodigy, and we've seen Daniel get the better of several grown thugs using Miyagi-Do, but we're going to make it that, without any character motivation, Robby can't hold his own in Juvie. Against untrained kids. Because he has to learn to strike first.

Why S3 still grabbed me was that they'd promised a dark side about Daniel and Ralph delivered an in canon, in character reason: Daniel has always had a murder switch. As early as his first All Valley. And then they brought it out in CK. It was always there and you don't have to assassinate his character for it. Daniel could kill a man, with enough motivation. Isn't that what we wanted, Cobra Kai? And then Terry. OMG, what brilliance. Thomas and Ralph wrote Silverusso together and I am sure that Thomas sat these boys down and said: "You can't write Terry for shit. You will take my notes. No, I didn't stutter. I am a better tv writer than you." But Johnny also deserves better. They've erased his entire arc. If they'd wanted to tell the story of a Johnny who'd literally had the growth choked out of him by Kreese, that too would have been a brilliant story. A Johnny who was so drawn to Daniel because he represented Johnny's own good side he could no longer access. A Daniel that would have told him: Kreese is a monster and he hurt you. And he'd know because he himself had been deeply hurt by being taught Cobra Kai. He wouldn't say that to Johnny because that would be too vulnerable. But the seeds were there, it's a story they could have told, and Johnny's moment to shine could have been realising how terrible Cobra Kai was by witnessing Daniel's reaction to Terry after having seen what a positive impact Daniel had had on Robby. But they didn't go there. Their message was always that there is nothing wrong with Johnny, he never needed to grow up and their character assassination of Daniel was not due to incompetence - they just don't get him - but design. They do get him. They hate him. And now they're coming for Miyagi who they hate even more. And Ralph can play so much without words, mitigate the damage, advocate for Daniel. Billy and Marty advocated for Johnny. But Pat cannot defend Miyagi anymore. They're coming for him to rescue their own ego. Simply because these little boys in a grown man's body cannot accept that Johnny Lawrence and what he stood for was wrong, and the fact that Johnny is an interesting and ultimately good character is that when it really mattered, when it really utterly mattered, he understood that his sensei was wrong, that Bobby was right (something we subconsciously see in him naming his son after him - CK didn't do everything wrong) and that Daniel's victory was deserved. "You're alright, LaRusso!"

That is what made Johnny compelling. That is the first thing these writers came for. Don't blame Johnny. His character assassination was even worse than Daniel's. And Billy fought it. We know he fought it. We have the gag reels to show for it. And now they got him, and they got Daniel, and they're coming for Miyagi because like Kreese, they could never grapple with the simple truth that Johnny learnt: bullying is wrong and another way is possible. They're so hurt by a film that showed them they were being assholes that they have to destroy it. Because they can't do what Johnny did. Admit they were wrong. They have to kill a whole franchise that brought comfort to literally millions of people, because they need to kill the message that kindness is possible. Poison it, rather than admit to themselves they are wrong, and maybe stop being an asshole? It's never too late. But no!! Daniel made me feel bad!!! He has to be destroyed!!!!

Honestly they would have made Dutch the ultimate reformed tough guy if the actor had returned. Probably made him unearth the evidence of Miyagi stealing that medal of honor by beating Daniel in a fight.

And they're not even trying to hide it anymore. They are openly attacking the legacy of a dead man. Pat's most beloved character. Pat wasn't Miyagi, he certainly wasn't faultless, but he gifted the world something and they're coming for him to soothe their egos. Billy and Ralph had the chance to walk away. Not the obligation, but the chance. They haven't, maybe they can't for contractual reasons. But Pat has no choice, no influence, and they're coming for his legacy.

That's straight up evil. And they're boasting about it in print!

[mirajaneswritingshenanigans]

Closure

Fandom(s): Supernatural

Pairing(s): Dean Winchester x Past!Reader

Summary: A vamp case leads the boys two towns over from Jody’s hometown. Dean gets a case of deja vu when they ask the friend of the victim what they saw. The moment he hears a familiar voice the past comes flooding back.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. The writers, directors, producers, and the CW network own the characters, I am simply borrowing them for this Fanfic.

A/N: Y/N-Your Name. This is a repost from 2018. I had deleted, although I don’t remember the reason. But, I’ve decided to bring it back.

Warning(s): Out of character moments? Heartbreak. Dean getting angry.

Word Count: 3,476

Dean couldn’t help the feeling of Déjà Vu he was experiencing as he walked silently next to Sam. They got word of a case two towns over from where Jody lives. From what Sam said it was a vampire problem. Dean’s brows furrowed as he tried to figure out why he would have this feeling. The two of them were currently walking towards the front door of a house. Earlier in the day they questioned the town officers of the most recent attack. They gave them the information about the victim and what they knew of the attack and also gave the boys an address. The address belonged to a friend of the victim.

Sam knocked on the door when they reached it. Dean turned away to look at the yard. “Dean?” He immediately recognized the voice and turned to face them. It hit him hard on why he knew this place. Old memories and feelings resurfacing. “Hey, Y/N.” Dean said nervously. “You’re kidding, right?” Your voice now laced with anger and pain. “Um, you two know each other?” Sam questioned with a puzzled expression. “I wish we didn’t.” You looked away from Dean to Sam. Completely missing the hurt expression Dean wore when you said that. Though he couldn’t blame you for how you reacted. He remembered he didn’t say goodbye five years ago. Never even picked up the phone during those years to let you know how sorry he was. Never even explained why he left the way he did.

“You must be Sammy. Dean told me a lot about you when we did know each other. Care to explain what you two are doing here?” You stepped outside, closing the door behind you. You weren’t in the mood to invite either one of them into your house. You gestured to the table and chairs that were setup on the porch. They followed your lead as you took a seat at the table. “We’re here because we heard what happened to your friend. We’d like to hear what happened that night from you.” Sam stated nervously. Dean sat quietly not saying a word. He focused on his hands in his lap instead. You glanced to Dean and sighed. Sam could see the conflict of feelings in your expression. “You won’t believe me if I tell you.” You turned your focus back to Sam.

“Try me.” Sam stated calmly. “All right. It happened two nights ago. We were walking home from the bar. They were drunk, I was sober. I had the feeling that we were being followed. I mentioned it to them. They told me to stop being paranoid.” You spoke quietly. Recalling the nightmarish scene in your mind. “This guy came out of nowhere. His teeth weren’t normal. They attacked my friend. I tried to fight them off. When I realized I couldn’t, I ran to the closest house like a coward. The house happened to be a cop’s house. He was off duty but called it in.” Your voiced cracked towards the end.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Dean finally spoke. You glanced over to Dean. He looked back at you. Sam looked back and forth between the two of you. “I’m going to give the two of you a moment. I’ll be in the car.” Sam said as he stood up. Leaving you alone with Dean. Not exactly what you had planned for today. Dean was the last person you had ever expected on your doorstep.

“Why’d you do it?” You asked. Several emotions flooding you at once. Dean looked down to his hands. He knew he needed to explain everything to you. “Dean, I swear to God. If you aren’t going to talk, you need to leave.” Your voice was cruel as you began to stand. “Wait.” Dean grabbed your wrist. “Like I did for the last five years?” Tears began to blur your vision. “I left because I had to deal with something.” Dean explained. “You couldn’t even call me? Tell me that you left and aren’t even coming back?” You yanked your wrist away from him. He had no idea the pain he caused when he suddenly left without an explanation or even saying goodbye.

“Right now. You’re explanation is the vaguest thing I’ve ever heard.” You choked out. “My time was running out okay? You and I had the best three years together back then. I won’t ever forget that. You were the best thing I ever experienced.” Dean stated, his voice cracking. “What the hell do you mean you’re time was running out?” You asked coldly. “Cross Roads Demon. Ever heard of the legend behind those?” Dean asked impatiently. “Of course I have. I’ve seen it in books and movies, and the Folklore class I took in college covered it also. Those are supposed to be legends.” You stated flatly. “Sweetheart, they aren’t just legends. They’re real. Sammy and I know from personal experience.” Dean began to explain.

You looked over to the impala. Sam was sitting in the passenger seat. Your heart ached when your mind began to flood with memories. The times Dean would take you on late night drives when you both couldn’t sleep. His music blaring as he drove down roads less traveled. You sighed sadly and turned back to Dean. “Monsters are real?” You asked softly. You felt fear creeping up on you. You knew that was a normal reaction. You did have an open mind but you didn’t expect to be this accepting of his truth or the truth of monsters.

“Yes. Sammy and I hunt those monsters. We really got into the business when our dad disappeared.” Dean said. You stood next to your chair, wrapping your arms around yourself for comfort. “It’s a family thing?” You questioned. “Yeah. At least for us it is.” Dean looked down to his hands again. You sat down again and glanced to the impala. Sam waved awkwardly when you made eye contact. You waved back just as awkwardly.

“Do you believe me?” Dean asked so softly he thought you couldn’t hear him. “On one hand I just want to slap you hard and call you a liar. Tell you that I never want to see your stupidly attractive face again. On the other hand I can see the truth in your eyes. You’re eyes tell me that I can believe you. What happened two nights ago says I can believe you.” You told him. Dean couldn’t speak. “Dean, a part of me still loves you.” You confessed. Dean looked up and into your eyes. He saw several emotions flash through your eyes. “My life is too dangerous. I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. I can never have the apple pie life that I talked about all those years ago. I can never have you, not again. It’s too big of a risk.” His heart sank as he spoke.

He stood up quickly and handed you a card. “We’re going to solve this case and leave again.” Dean said. He couldn’t even look at you as he spoke. He knew if he did, he would break. “Goodbye, Y/N.” Dean choked out as he began to walk away. “Goodbye, Dean.” You said softly, your voice filled with pain. You looked down to the card. It had Sam’s name and number on it. The fact that Dean didn’t leave his number stung. A tear dropped onto the card.  You dropped the card on the table. You set your elbows on the table and rested your face in your hands. You couldn’t stop the sobs that began to escape.

Dean’s heart ached as he heard your sobs. He was only two feet down your walkway when you began to sob. He fought the urge to turn around and comfort you. He walked silently to his impala. He made the mistake of looking back when he reached the impala. His heart ached even more at the sight before him. You were still sitting at the table. Your arms were crossed on top the table now. Your face resting on them. He couldn’t hear your sobs anymore but he could tell by the way your shoulders shook that you hadn’t stopped. “I’m sorry.” He whispered sadly before getting in the car.

The car ride was silent. Sam was surprised that music wasn’t even playing as he stared out the window. Dean took them back to the motel they were staying at. Castiel popped up after an hour. “You called?” Castiel questioned. Sam’s brows furrowed when Castiel asked that. “I did. I need a favor Cas.” Dean stated. Sam raised a brow at Dean. “Okay?” Cas sat down on one of the beds. “I need you to wipe me from Y/N’s memory.” Dean choked out.

“Whoa, wait a minute. They should be able to make that decision.” Sam said quickly. “Dean, I agree.” Cas looked to Sam. “You didn’t see them today. You didn’t see the damage I caused by showing up.” Dean’s voice rose. “Dean, that doesn’t give you the right.” Sam stated sadly. Dean stood up quickly and threw his beer at the wall. “I was head over heels for them. In fact the moment I heard their voice, EVERYTHING came flooding back. The feelings, the memories, EVERYTHING!” Dean yelled, his voice cracking. Cas looked over to Sam, not knowing what to do.

“It may hurt right now, Dean, but you should hold onto those memories.” Cas stated kindly. “Why, so I can long for a life without them?” Dean’s voice was laced with anger. Anger that the pain of seeing you sob had brought on. “No. The way I see it, is you now have a bigger reason to rid the world of monsters.” Cas explained calmly. Dean let his words sink in and he knew Cas was right. Dean sat back down. “Let’s just solve this case. Make this place safer for them.” Dean stated. “So, get this. When I did some investigating online. I found out there is an abandoned house a mile away from the most recent attack site. I think that may be where the vampire nest is.” Sam pointed out to Cas and Dean.

Dean grabbed his coat and keys. “Let’s go kill some vamps.” He said as he walked out the door. “Do I ride along or do the Angel thing and pop myself over?” Cas asked curiously. “Ride with us.” Sam said as he led the way out of the room. During the car ride the three of them went over the plans of attack.

“The drive way is one half mile long. I think we should park at the end of it. That way the impala doesn’t give us away.” Sam said. “That sounds like a good idea.” Cas pointed out. Dean nodded but didn’t say a word. “Y/N was lucky enough to get away that night.” Cas said after Sam filled him in on the current events. “That’s not how they feel.” Dean deadpanned. “Survivor’s guilt?” Cas questioned. Dean began to slow the impala as the driveway of the abandoned house came into view. He didn’t want to talk about you anymore. He needed to focus. Focus on making your town a safer place. Making your life a safer place. He wouldn’t be able to do that if his mind was distracted with how you felt and are feeling.

Dean parked the impala and quietly got out of the car. He popped the trunk. Sam followed him to the trunk. Dean looked around for several of his favorite machetes and long knives. “Cas, you know how to kill a vamp?” Sam questioned. “Yes, cut the head off.” Cas stated proudly. Mainly proud of the fact that he knew the answer. Not proud of the fact that he has to kill. “All right. Let’s get this over with.” Dean stated. “Hold up.” Sam said. He reached into his back pocket because his phone was vibrating. “Hello?” He questioned. Dean watched Sam’s eyes widen and his face go pale. “Cas, pop over to Y/N’s house. NOW!” Sam ordered.

Dean’s heart dropped when Cas disappeared. “We need to get these vamps now!” Sam began to run towards the house. Leaving no room for Dean to argue. Dean followed Sam. Dean and Sam jumped into action the moment they made it to the house. Between the two of them they killed nine vampires. Dean was holding a tenth one in a head lock. “How many of you are there?” Sam asked angrily. “I’m the last.” Dean tightened his grip when the words left the vamp’s mouth. “You’re lying.” Dean growled out.

“Fine. There is one more. Went after the one that got away.” The vamp gasped out. Dean let go and pushed the vamp towards Sam. In a swift move Sam cut the vamp’s head off. Sam felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He immediately reached for it and answered quickly. “Cas?” Sam questioned. “That’s fantastic.” Sam sighed in relief before hanging up. “Cas made it in time. Y/N isn’t injured, only shaken. Cas is helping her clean up the mess he made when he cut off the vamp’s head.” Sam told Dean. Relief flooded his entire system at Sam’s words.

Dean glanced to the corner where a kerosene lantern was lit. He noticed a bottle of kerosene beside it. He walked over to the bottle and the lantern, grabbing both items. He began to empty out the bottle around the room he stood in with Sam. The moment Sam understood what Dean was doing he walked out of the house. When the bottle was emptied he threw it into the house. After doing that he threw the lit lantern into the house too. Right on the kerosene trail he made. The trail quickly went up in flames.

After about ten minutes the entire house was engulfed in flames. Dean turned away from the house and began to make his way towards the impala. Sam silently walking beside him. The town was safer now. No more vampires would be bothering anyone ever again. Dean blared his music once they made it back to the impala. He drove quickly to the motel room. He didn’t even want to drive to your house. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that, no matter how badly he wanted to see you right now. He had a plan when he got to the motel.

When they pulled up to the motel room they saw Cas waiting by the door. “Cas, how are they?” Dean immediately asked. “They were sleeping when I left.” Cas stated. “That’s good.” Dean said as he walked towards the door. He let Cas into the room first. “They were hiding in the closet when I got to the house.” Cas said as he sat on one of the beds. “They called my phone the moment they heard their door crash open. They were upstairs at the time.” Sam told Dean. Dean sat across the table from Sam. He was currently writing something on a sheet of paper. “Nothing happened to them though?” Dean looked up to Cas. “No. The vampire was taunting them to come out. But they stayed quiet and hidden. He was about to open the closet when I showed up. I cut his head off before he even touched the closet doorknob.” Cas stated.

“Good.” Dean turned his attention back to the paper. “They told me to send their thanks.” Cas told Sam. Sam nodded. “Well, I guess we can leave first thing in the morning.” Sam said as he stood up. “Yeah.” Dean muttered. “We’ll head back to Bobby’s in the morning.” Dean stated as he folded the paper. Sam took off his shoes and settled into his bed. Exhaustion taking over the moment he lied down. “Cas, I want you to take this to Y/N’s. Make sure it’s the first thing they see when they wake. Understood?” Dean’s voice was filled with urgency. Cas nodded in agreement and disappeared. Dean took off his shoes and walked over to his bed. He sighed heavily as he pulled the blankets back before lying down. He fell into a heavy sleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

You startled awake the next morning. The events of the past few days flooding your mind. You knew nightmares would be a thing for awhile. You sighed and looked over to your alarm clock. Your brows furrowed when the time was blocked by a sheet of paper. You threw your feet over the side of the bed and reached for the paper. Slowly unfolding it. A lump formed in your throat as you recognized Dean’s handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

I regret saying that I should never have gotten involved in the first place. That was harsh and untrue. I don’t regret nor will I ever regret spending those years together. I will forever wish that you were with me once again. But as I stated before, it is too high of a risk. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I’d lost you. Or if you got killed under my protection. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still love you. I know what I said before may have been harsh. I just can’t take the risk of losing you. I’ll always remember the good times.

My favorite memory will always be our first late night drive. The one where we sped down that dirt road that had a beautiful scenery. You know exactly which one I speak of. It was your favorite place because you could see the stars clearly. That night you were sitting on the door, holding tightly to baby. The wind flowing through your hair. Of course I slowed baby down to thirty miles an hour. I remember glancing over and seeing pure happiness on your face. You whooped loudly before sitting back down in the passenger seat. Your hair was a mess as you gave me a huge smile. Then we both began to sing off key to your favorite song just because we could.

I regret the day I left without a word. I could tell when I saw you that I did a lot of damage by doing so. I hope one day you can forgive me. Even if I won’t forgive myself. Seeing you again made all the feelings and memories come flooding back at once. Memories I had thought were long forgotten. I hope that you will find love again, as much as it pains me to say that. I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me.

The vamps have been taken care of. Your town and you are safe once again. I’d say keep in touch but that seems like a bad idea. Even though I want it so badly to be that way. Maybe one day I can retire from this life. That seems like only a dream. Until then I will continue to keep the world safe from the things that go bump in the night. Keeping you safe.

Now. This is my final goodbye. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I want to keep you safe and it seems this is the only way. If you ever need someone call Sheriff Jody Mills. She’s a hunter too. I’m sorry it has to be this way. I hope this will bring closure to the wound I caused five years ago. I love you, Y/N. I hope one day you will be the happy person I knew you to be, again. Goodbye.

Love Forever Dean Winchester.

You silently folded the letter and held it close to your heart. Tears steadily streamed down your face. “I will forever love you too.” You whispered sadly as your head hung low. Unbeknownst to you Cas stood in front of you. Using his Angel grace to hide his presence. He had listened to you read the letter aloud to yourself. His heart clenching at the words being said. He now understood why Dean was so upset. He didn’t know the full story but he got the gist of it.

Cas sighed heavily as he popped up in the back seat of the impala. Dean glanced into the rear view mirror. “She got your letter.” Cas stated. Dean nodded as he kept his eyes on the road. Sam glanced over to Dean and then to Cas. Sam hoped that one day Dean would tell him what went on between the two of you. Dean turned up the music as he continued down the road. The three of them heading for Bobby’s place. “Goodbye.” Dean whispered when they passed the sign that announced they were leaving the town. He didn’t look back like he wanted to. Instead he continued on.

Main Masterlist

[esther-dot]

Hiii! Do you ever see GoT writers, actors or even D&D confessing their plan of Jonsa or the reason Jonsa parallel Ned&Cat and even Jaime&Cersei? Something in the line of: okay, this was the plan but we changed our minds because X. That would give me soooo much peace. The foreshadowing and parallels were so obvious it makes me anxious when I remember the real ending.... even if they never get together. But what happens in between.

I would love an explanation too! I sometimes try to put myself in D&D's shoes and imagine what their platonic explanation could be for all the parallels/contrasts they created for Jonsa, and I actually think that the Cersei and Jaime connections would be the easiest to rationalize, but the fact that they also paralleled them with Braime is what makes it seem like it wasn't just a healthy sibling duo in contrast to Cersei/Jaime, it wasn't just about showing us the difference between Cersei and Sansa as leaders, it felt romantic! Especially as that convo carried through to the ending, Jon and Jaime were being paralleled and juxtaposed, both choosing their sisters over someone else, but Jaime choosing his "evil queen," Jon rejecting his, which means, you can't say it was accidental, they were intentionally doing that in s7-8.

Obviously, in the books the NedCat 2.0 idea will be a thing, we've already gotten comments about Jon and Sansa individually looking like the og, so D&D inserting that with the redux of NedCat scenes, ok, not necessarily romantic, maybe just a nod to the books, maybe they overdid it, but their motives were pure. Except, they included the choking LF scene. Jealously, rage, desire to kill. Sure, of course, LF deserved it, but then they also had Sansa be angry and jealous in s8, and again, there are platonic explanations for some of it, but it crosses the line, particularly in the feast scene. At that point it feels like it's more, something else.

(And let's not even talk about the parallels with Robb and Talisa, Sam x Gilly, or Gendrya.)

But will they ever tell us anything? Well, let's say TWOW comes out in a year or two and Jonsa is a thing in the books. We absolutely would have the entire fanbase revisiting Jonsa's odd chemistry in the show and rethinking things, and I bet, yeah, we'd finally get a reporter who would ask a useful question regarding the Jonsa scenes. Or, say Kit goes for it in Jon's spin-off, we'd definitely get some new insight into the acting choices he made in s6-8.

Absent of that, I can't imagine getting confirmation? Mainly because, it's not just an unpopular ship, it's hated. Dany stans, Targ stans, Jon stans, I saw all of them taking comfort in the midst of their rage and grief that at least Jonsa didn't happen. Any hint that show Jonsa in some form was real is probably the only thing that would make people hate the last season/finale more. Considering how disgusting our fandom is (they harassed child actors because they hated the characters they played, they ship the actors with other actors, bully them off social media, stalk them...) I don't see the upside of bringing it up and there is a big downside.

If they had the cover of Martin's books or a new show, D&D could say they didn't do it because it was weird but here's how they hinted at it or Kit could say it grossed him out but he tried to subtly include it. Presented that way, people could be sympathetic to them, not blame them, so I could see that. But if they just announced, "Yep, Jon had Targy feelings for Sansa," I don’t think people would take it well!

[whatislovevavy]

WC: 4.4k

Synopsis: An exploration of why Bucky decided to cut his hair

AN: This has been in my Google Drive for about two years and finally got around/had the motivation to finish this. This piece was technically my first ever piece of fanfiction I ever wrote. My writing mostly pertains to Top Gun and Top Gun Maverick so this was a nice little brain break from that. I thought I'd include the original author's note I put together, having never written fanfiction at the time, just for nostalgic sake and if anyone wants to know just how new to this I was lol. Also this divider is not mine and I was unable to tag the account that made it since it was deleted. This work will be posted on my side blog @sophs-writing-nook.

Original Author’s Note: Hello everyone :) This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written and I really hope you guys like it because I’m a bit nervous about it. I’ve had this idea since I saw the first promotions for the Falcon and Winter Soldier series and didn't really do anything about it for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen a lot of fics exploring this concept so I decided to write this on a camping trip in my notes app where I didn’t have reception so I apologize if there is bad grammar, spelling errors, etc. If there happens to be a similarity to another fic, it is purely coincidence and I don’t intend to plagiarize anyone. Please let me know if it does appear I have. I have a lot of respect for fanfic writers and don’t want to disrespect anyone and steal anyone’s work unintentionally. 

Warnings: Blood, Trauma (PTSD), sadness with some bittersweet moments sprinkled in, supportive Sam because that’s a warning in itself. 

None of these characters are mine. Read at your own discretion.

Bucky had tried finding a routine after coming back: Get up by 7, go on a run make breakfast, try to keep in touch with his friends he had made since coming back, try a new recipe, maybe try online dating, catch up on what he missed the past 70 years, try to forgive himself for all the atrocities he didn't have a choice in committing, make dinner, shower, and sleep by 9.

That's what his therapist, Darlene, told him to do at least.

She wanted him to write in a journal the names of the people and families he wanted to make amends with, things he wanted to explore and try out, and good things he remembered before he was the Winter Soldier.

Darlene had kept encouraging him to keep referring to the Winter Soldier as if he were his own separate person, and not affiliated with James Buchanan Barnes.

It helped a bit with passing the blame, but not by much. He, naturally, chose the last remnant of Steve he had- his journal- to hold these thoughts.

Steve saw the best in him when he couldn't. 

He made an effort to try and forgive himself for everything he did, for Steve’s sake. 

Why Steve had left him, he didn't fully understand. 

It didn't make the "forgiving himself" part any easier. 

If his lifelong friend, who had been with him through thick and thin, decided to leave him now in this time of his broken, mutilated life, what did that say about him? 

Was he wrong about him? 

Did he truly believe he was worth being fixed and forgiven? 

There were small moments of hope that he could be fixed, but they were few and far inbetween.

His nightmares had gotten worse.

If Darlene would ask, he’d tell her, “no, they haven't", "they've stopped", or "I haven't had one for a while.” Bullshit excuses that anybody who saw the dark circles under his eyes wouldn't believe. Darlene knew he was lying and would try to reassure him that their space was safe and it would help him to get his nightmares out in the open.

He didn't think so.

This woman didn't know what it was like to have the same horrific scenarios play out in his mind every time he went to sleep. 

To see himself killing innocent people like he was in the backseat of his mind. 

The blood. 

Their faces, some close friends and others strangers. 

Their pleas and calls for mercy were what always broke him. 

He was forced again and again to witness himself taking their lives and couldn't do anything to stop himself. Forced to use any part of himself for Hydra.

Nothing was spared.

He felt unforgivable, these nightmares were a sign of the Winter Soldier still being in his head, buried and ready if Hydra got their hands on him again. 

He was tired of fighting and worrying, only wanting lasting peace and a full night's rest.

He had started renting an apartment in downtown Brooklyn near where his family had lived during the 40's. It was near the church cemetery his mother, father and sister, Rebecca, were buried. They were placed in the row closest to the street behind the church his family frequented during his youth. 

His parents had passed from old age when he was imprisoned by Hydra. 

A small part of him was thankful for that. 

They never had to learn that their son had done such horrible things.

They lived with the good memories of him.

His sister had passed during the time half the population was gone, the Blip people called it, from Alzheimer's. He visited her once before, but she was in the late stages, and was a shell of who he remembered growing up. 

His little sister Rebecca, whom he protected, opened jars for, teased, and made sure the boys she liked would be good to her, was now unable to remember him. He was told she passed peacefully in her sleep a few months after he disappeared.

Darlene thought that buying an apartment so close to his family's resting place might be overwhelming for him, but he wanted to be close to them and the memories he had.

The apartment consisted of a basic floor plan; kitchen, bathroom with a shower and bath, living room, bedroom, closet. However, he only used the kitchen, bathroom, and living room.

He didn't have many things when he moved in, and didn't feel he needed all the space allotted to him.

He had invested in a modest tv set, a microwave, blender, and a camping mat, courtesy of Sam's encouragement. 

He had tried sleeping on a mattress, but he felt that he was going to sink through into the floor with how soft and marshmallow-like it felt. He always slept on the floor with a few blankets and sheets. 

Sam had the same experience when he came back from Afghanistan.

Sam had tried to help him adjust to things since coming back, and had done a lot for him, including to help him find his apartment and encourage him to try new things.

There were times he had trouble getting out of his headspace to return Sam's calls and initiate with his friend. Darlene had been saying that for a person who allegedly had no one left, he seemed to have a safety net in Sam. She pushed him to call someone other than her and initiate with him. It was another case where he felt she didn't fully understand how difficult it was for him to build relationships, and "get his nightmares out in the open" since coming back.

He had gotten home late that night from the store, buying ingredients to make a recipe Darlene recommended: chicken tikka masala, he thought she called it.

He was amazed at the amount of change he had missed, especially from a grocery store. His family would boil everything with what minimal spices were available, other than the usual salt and pepper. He found solace in trying new recipes and exposing himself to the technological wonders of the 21st century, including learning how to use a DVD player and the iPhone he recently bought. He tried online dating but found it was too overwhelming and made him feel like a fish out of water. Asking people on dates and seeking relationships came easily to him when he was younger before the war, but everything felt so different now. 

He felt so different and foreign to himself. His arm. His mind. He felt like a shell of the person he was before the Winter Soldier.

His groceries were unloaded into the fridge and he started to prepare his dinner. He placed a bowl on the counter for mixing chicken marinade and marinating the soon to be cooked slices of chicken. The chicken slices were placed into a pan on a low heat to begin cooking. They wouldn't take long since they only had to cook halfway through initially. He gathered the spices for the marinade.

The soft smells of turmeric, ginger, cumin, and garam masala reminded him of the evenings he spent helping his mother cook during the summer. His mother would rummage together some cash every once in a while to buy a few sachets of spices from the local grocery. It was an indulgence she took part in that, compared to now, seemed simple and less of an everyday luxury. 

Sure, the spices she would bring home were more mild and less "exotic" than what he had available to him now, but it was the familiar memory of being taught to cook and the soft smells of his mother's cooking.

His conscience told him to use the spices sparingly despite himself being confronted with a substantially sized grocery aisle complete with spices from almost every corner of the world a mere few hours ago.

Maybe it was his upbringing during the Great Depression and watching his parents worry about where the next paycheck would come from.

Or maybe it was his instinct telling him this small semblance of peace he had found in his Brooklyn apartment would be snatched away, and that he needed to savor every new experience in stride. 

Because if he let himself enjoy them too much, it would make the snatching that much more painful.

He couldn't decide.

He finished the marinade and would have to wait an hour or two to start the sauce and cook the chicken. He placed it in the fridge and made his way to the bathroom for a shower.

The warm water felt nice on his warped, scarred flesh around his arm on his left side. The area would often become sore and plagued by knots. Sam recommended warm showers, aloe vera, a massage and spa place nearby, and Advil. The thought of people he didn't know touching his scarred flesh made him feel nervous, so the rest of his suggestions were his go to. 

His scar tissue and long hair were the last physical mark of Hydra on him. 

He was thankful he didn't have to see the red star that had branded him for so many years when he looked in the mirror anymore, since leaving Wakanda.

But there was still his hair.

His hair that had blood, dirt and grime stained into it for his 70 years of service. No matter how many times he showered, he knew the blood would never leave his hair or his hands. His mind would drift through waves of hopelessness in quiet moments like these more often than not.

He dried himself off with a soft towel, changed into a pair of boxers, and began to gingerly apply aloe vera to the junction where his arm met his shoulder. His shoulder was still a bit sensitive after all these years despite the enhanced healing from the serum. Shuri theorized it was because the metal cavity of his arm continuously tore through the underlying tissue. She was able to remove the bits and pieces of metal embedded in his shoulder. His arm was in the healing process, but it would take a while after years of damage even with the serum. After he finished rubbing in the aloe vera, He put on a dark t-shirt and made his way back into the kitchen to finish the sauce.

He carefully prepared the onions, garlic, and spices for the sauce the way his mother taught him to. 

He couldn't help but think about how his parents and sister would have loved to have tried this recipe with him.

He could almost hear his mother's voice in his head telling him to "cut the onions a bit smaller" or "don't let the garlic and onions burn in the pan".

Rebecca's eagerness to try the sauce prematurely with a perfected pout and whines of protest when denied so.

His father's quiet yet strong presence at the kitchen table reading the daily paper and soft scolding of his sister.

Steve drawing in his journal at the dinner table on evenings when Sarah Rogers would be working late at the hospital.

The radio softly playing in the background as a soothing ambiance.

The kitchen window opened to let the aroma of the Barnes’ family dinner wander through the back alley of the apartment building, and let in the sounds of the neighbors' soft conversations, clothes oscillating in the wind on the clothes line, and car engines humming as people made their way home at dusk.

All qualities of his family's evening routine and upbringing he longed for, but took for granted in his youth.

The stark smell of overcooked onions brought him back to the task at hand, pulling him from his thoughts but leaving his buildup of emotions he felt were about to rupture. He added the heavy cream, spices, brown sugar, and let them stir with the marinated onions and garlic. He felt tears start to form in his eyes. Letting the sauce thicken, he turned the pan onto a low heat, and added the marinated chicken to finish cooking. 

He placed the spatula down on the counter top with a shaky hand, placing his hands on the counter to support himself as he let out a shaky breath, blinking away tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

God, he wished they were here with him. Steve. His mom. His dad. Rebecca.

He wished he had somebody who knew him before the Winter Soldier that could help him to pick up the broken pieces of himself and to become the person he was again.

He wished he could have said goodbye to his parents, Rebecca, and that Steve hadn't left him.

He wished he could've held his parents one last time before they passed, met the man that Rebecca fell in love with and had a family with, and fought harder for Steve to stay with him and help pick up the pieces.

All things that he couldn't do anything about now.

He wiped his tears away and returned to stirring his chicken masala. Thoughts of his family blending with the thoughts of his recipe like the spices and heavy cream in his pan as a cope. Darlene had mentioned that the recipe goes best with garlic buttered rice or naan, so he had bought ingredients for both, but opted for the naan. He turned on the oven, placed some naan from the store on a baking sheet, and into the oven before returning to stirring the contents of the pan. 

He remembered Sam wanted to come over and check in on how he was settling into his apartment, sometime the next day. Maybe he would want to try some of his dish. 

"Initiate, take small steps to initiate". This counted as initiating, right? He hoped so.

His chicken masala was well blended and deemed done. His naan close behind. He placed a bowl and plate on the counter, served up his recipe and naan, and sat down at his two person dinner table, and prepared to eat. Darlene had told him that making a makeshift taco with the naan tasted good if he opted to not make the garlic butter rice. He took his first bite and let himself experience each incredible flavor. 

He would definitely be making this recipe again.

Maybe he could make a batch for Sam. 

It would be a small way to return the favor.

He made his way through his dinner, and would start heading to bed soon. It was almost 9 anyway. Shuri told him that consistent good sleep would also help him heal mentally along with his therapy and the treatment she provided.

He made a mental note to try making the garlic butter rice, thank Darlene for the recipe, and ask her if she had any more favorite recipes he should try during his next session.

He brought his dishes to the sink, moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and shed himself of his shirt. Sleeping shirtless was normal for him both during the war and after getting the serum, finding that he would warm up easily and end up tossing and turning in the night. 

His escalated body heat helped him to survive the frigid Siberian winters during his imprisonment, but not the mild to warm summer nights in Brooklyn.

Laying on the hardwood floor with the lights out left him with his thoughts. He remembered the nights he and Steve spent laying on couch cushions on the living room floor of his parents apartment. 

The nights he and his sister would read The Hobbit under the covers of his bed when they were younger, while their parents thought they were sleeping. 

He liked to sleep with the TV on at a low volume and the window opened so he wouldn't be lost in his thoughts for too long. 

He didn't have as much trouble falling asleep as before. Darlene told him to take deep breaths while resting his eyes and had gotten better at it since seeing her. 

Breathe in for 5 seconds, exhale for 10, and repeat till he felt calm enough to drift to sleep.

He steadily awoke hours later, feeling warm and groggy.

 It was quiet. 

The TV was off and the window was shut. 

He was none the wiser in his hindered state of being as he lifted himself off of the floor and trudged to the bathroom, the soft sound of his bare feet pattering on the wood floor like rain drops on a window, encompassing his apartment in a soft echo.

He turned on the soft bathroom light and twisted the cold faucet on, leaned down and scooped cold water in his hand, and poured it on his face. Supporting himself by his forearms, he closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of cold on his face and cascading down his neck. 

The water felt warmer now and had a distinct iron smell to it.

He opened his eyes and was met with his hands drenched in blood. Blood flowing into the sink from the tap. 

He slowly turned to meet his reflection. Met with the cold, dark, blank eyes of the Winter Soldier. The blood stained leather vest, black muzzle, and the long brunette hair stained black from blood falling over his face. 

He was there with him, as clear as day. 

He felt a stark and deep rooted sense of fear awaken and burrow itself in his chest as he quickly retreated from the sink, pressing himself against the opposing wall. Eyes wide and breathing heavy, he felt the walls of the bathroom constricting him.

The Winter Soldier reached out his metal arm, severing the separation between the mirror and his bathroom, and brought it down onto the counter top with a resounding crack, small remnants of the cheap countertop tumbling to the floor. He lunged for the door and twisted the knob but it wouldn't budge. Desperately, he tried to break down the door, knuckles bleeding and eyes teary. He could feel the Winter Soldier getting closer to him and was too terrified to turn back and face him. He broke through the door with a splitting crack, splinters in his hands. Awaiting on the other side was a long dimly lit corridor lined with bars and cold concrete walls. 

His heart stopped. 

He knew this corridor. 

He would always know this corridor. 

He didn't want to go forward, but he had no choice. Breaking into a sprint, not looking back and praying he didn't trip over himself, he felt a sudden, strong grip on his leg, pulling him backwards. Landing on the hard concrete with a groan and turning himself to face his captor: Two dark, army clad figures awaited him. He shuffled away from them as fast as he could but couldn't get to his feet fast enough to avoid being dragged to by his feet towards the bathroom. His screams echoing off the walls, and hands burning from friction against the cement floor at his attempts to escape their grasp.

He couldn't believe what was happening, he thought he was free from Hydra. 

Free from these corridors. 

Free from the chair.

He felt his nails fruitlessly catching on the small ridges of the cement floor as he was mercilessly dragged. The hallway enclosed in darkness behind him and the bathroom light ahead of him, serving as a beacon of pain and suffering. 

He was left on the bathroom floor, shaking and crying, accentuated by the sound of the slamming of a steel door. His teary eyes searched for the figures but found none. Instead, his eyes landed on the dull gleam of the worn metal frame in his bathtub, tinged with small droplets of blood, smoothed down edges, and strained leather straps.

If he wasn't sobbing before, he was now. He felt so trapped, his heart beating out of his chest; his lungs made of tin, unable to expand.

His shaking frame was folded on the floor by the bathroom door. A few moments of silence flooded by the drops of his sink tap and his attempts to catch his breath. 

Abruptly, a handful of his hair was grabbed, his body dragged to the chair as he let out seethes of pain and cries. 

He was held down in the chair as he was strapped in by faceless, dark army figures. Soft whispers and murmurs of pleas for mercy and forgiveness settled around him, originating from every vent and faucet in his bathroom, nestled their way to his ears. 

They grew louder and droned out the sound of leather going through buckles and the mechanical "wrrrrr" of the head plates assembling towards the top of the chair. 

He struggled and screamed, but it was no use. 

Trapped in the chair, no chance of escape; Limited by his mind and not his body. 

He anxiously waited and dreaded for the excruciating pain of electricity to course through his body, to hear the words Hydra spent so much time and care to drill into his mind.

But both never came.

He awoke with a startle, eyes wide, body and blanket soaked with sweat, lungs gasping for breath. 

His window open, letting in his neighbors everyday routine squeeze into his apartment. 

The TV on a low volume, playing auctions for nic-nacs and heirlooms people didn't find use for. All drowned out by his racing thoughts and attempts at breathing.

The blanket pooled around his waist as he shifted to lean against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breathing. 

He needed his hair gone. 

Like a wounded animal, he made his way to the bathroom with shaky breaths and uneasy strides. He flipped the bathroom light on, feverishly opening and closing drawers to find what he needed most.

A pair of scissors.

A raspy sigh left his lips as his hands met the plastic frame of the twin bladed tool.

His eyes shifted from his reflection to his hold on the scissors. 

Carefully, he brought his metal hand to his hair, extending one of his many locks of hair.

His eyes drifted from the lock of hair to the metal blades that almost fully encased it. 

Snip.

He watched as the lock frayed till it was severed completely, feeling the freed lock in his hand and watching it fall to the counter.

A sigh of relief left his lips as tears pricked his eyes as he met his reflection in the mirror. 

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. 

His tears were flowing fully down his cheeks as almost the entirety of his left side was covered in frayed, unevenly cut hair. 

He gingerly ran his flesh hand along his head, relishing in the short tufts of hair, and began repeating the same frenzied cutting on the other side of his head, and towards the back

If the tears weren’t flowing before, they were now. 

He placed the scissors onto the hair ridden counter with a clang, keeping his relieved gaze on himself, feeling his chest wrack with sobs, body slowly crumbling against the sink and to the floor.

He had never felt such relief in his life. 

His hands ran over the chopped hair, savoring the uneven patched of hair, his head laying back to rest against the wood cabinet below his sink,  eyes fluttering shut.

Muffled knocks softly rose his mind from the depths of sleep. 

He let his eyes adjust to the bathroom light, feeling his neck ache from how he slept against the drawers of the cabinet. 

Sam. 

He rose up to his feet with a groan, trudging to his front door.

His front door opened with a click.

“Hey, man-woah.”

He rose his eyes to meet Sam’s wide ones, giving him a small smile, “Hi, Sam.”

Sam swallowed.

“Late night hack job, huh?”

He gave Sam a tight-lipped smile, nodding. 

Sam’s lip quirked. 

“I, um, I made something for you if you’d like to try it.”

Sam watched as he rubbed the back of his neck with his flesh hand.

He moved from the door, leaving it open for Sam to come in.

Sam carefully stepped into his apartment, taking in the rumple of blankets on the livingroom floor. 

“It’s chicken tikka masala, my therapist recommended it.”

Sam took the plastic container he held out for him.

“Thanks for this…We should go get you a haircut. You can’t be walking around Brooklyn looking like you had a blender cut your hair.”

His lip quirked, nodding.

After a few minutes, he met him back at the front door in jeans, a t-shirt, and his bomber jacket, and glove.

“Ready to go?”

He wordlessly nodded, closing, and locking the door behind them. 

—

“Alright, what do you think?” 

The hairdresser adjusted his chair so he could see himself fully in the mirror. 

He could feel his eyes glaze over.

His previously poorly chopped locks were no where to be found, replaced by almost buzzed cut hair with a bit of length towards the top. Barely enough for anyone to get a good grip in.

“It’s perfect, thank you Melissa,” he muttered to the woman that gave him a kind smile in return. 

He tried to hand the man at the cashier station some cash, but Sam interjected with his card.

He looked at Sam with slight bewilderment.

“You’ll cover me next time.”

His lip quirked, as Sam nudged his shoulder as they made their way to the exit.

He stopped in front of a window for a store on the way back to his apartment, seeing his reflection in the storefront.

And for once, he didn’t have a deeprooted distaste or fear of what he saw. 

It almost made him cry.

He needed this.

His long hair gone. The last remnant of his time in Siberia, of the shackles that held his mind down under water like an anchor, gone. 

Out of sight. Out of mind.

Sam stopped a few paces ahead of him.

“You wanna stop in?”

Sam’s voice broke him from his trance.

He gave Sam a small smile.

“No, just taking it all in.”

Sam gave him a comforting smile as he caught up with him.

They continued on to his apartment to give Sam some of his chicken tikka masala, running his hand through his hair periodically with a smile on his face. 

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Jump the Shark

Welcome to “Adam is the New Dawn Summers: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s4e19: Jump the Shark

The boys answer a call on their dad’s old cell phone, and the caller claims to be John’s son. FRAUGHT. They go to meet him, Sam ready to see what’s what, Dean *certain* that this is some monster laying a trap. But all signs point to Adam really being John’s son and therefore the boys’ younger half brother. Adam’s mother has disappeared, and while Sam and Dean try to find out what happened to her, the three brothers have all manner of moments of strife and snipe and hurt and grump. (Dean is especially grump.) Turns out, whoops, that Adam IS a monster (a ghoul) laying a trap, but the ghoul has taken the form of the real Adam, who is very dead but was also very much Sam and Dean’s brother. Ooof.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

Lor:

oh fuck off, John

jeez, Dean

Mace:

sammy brushing his teeth is hot don't ask me why i don’t make the rules

Lor:

"but I'm hungry now" me and Dean are the saaaaame person

LOL it is adorable

Mace:

HA

Lor:

omg Sam also has mouthwash

Mace:

YAS

Lor:

our poor boys

Mace:

yeah

dean is PISSED

Lor:

yep

and underneath his anger iceburg is a whoooole lot of hurt

Mace:

yeah

don't just throw the silverware on the floor, Dean, you’re better than that

Lor:

right?

I will forgive him a lot right now, but still

Mace:

poor Adam

Lor:

yeah

"a car fell on him" DEAN

Mace:

“a car fell on him”

you’re being a turd

Lor, slap him upside real quick

Lor:

yep. we've crossed over into "no pie for you"

nah he enjoys that. and then I get all....

Mace:

yeah right, you would never

Lor:

yeah, I wouldn't. not enough that he'd feel it

Mace:

i meant deprive him of pie

Lor:

oh that.

I meeeean. maybe for a minute or two

what diner has real silver on the table?

Mace:

Lor. we just watched Dean switch them out and throw the diner’s stuff on the floor

get your head in the game

Lor:

oh yeah! I was... distracted

oh Dean, honey

Mace:

oh man, Dean. poor thing.

 his head is near asploding

Lor:

yep

and his heart

Mace:

admit it, Dean, your dad was a DICK

Lor:

as if he could hate John more AND dammit he'd thought the man had run out of ways to hurt him

YEP

oh DEAN. he needs a hug. maybe he should pray to Cas

Mace:

that’s the problem - i don’t think he does hate john and he really needs to

Lor:

well not enough anyway

Mace:

he hates himself for not being a better son instead of blaming john for being a shit father

Lor:

sloppy, John, getting your pic in the paper. terrible hunter

oooof YEP

Mace:

so this is going right into the I Must Be a Shitty Son because He Loved This Kid More

Lor:

ooooof

see, he needs pie

lololol Dean

stop throwing scissors!

Mace:

omg the spazzing

Lor:

(course, maybe he's doing it on purpose to protect Sammy from having to go down there)

Mace:

(maybe)

Lor:

(I can never decide which I think it is)

Mace:

EWEWEW

Lor:

ick

oooo you clean that gun, Dean, you clean it good

Mace:

HA

Lor:

I mean. Dean is

just not for a JOB

Mace:

yeah

oh Sam

always steps up with the logic

Jesus, Dean, sitting as far away as he can

Lor:

"nobody just says okay"

YEP

Mace:

Dean. It’s not HIS fault.

Lor:

nope

Dean is SUCH a whirl of emotions

Lor:

omg both of them yelling "no" at little brother

Mace:

YES

“welcome to the family”

AHAHAHA

poor Sammy

Lor:

poor Sammy. welcome to being the middle kid, Sam

Mace:

Somehow he’s always been the middle kid

Lor:

HA!

YES

(do you remember how this goes?)

Mace:

(i do not)

Lor:

(oh HO. very good, then)

Mace:

(well, I mean, Adam ends up as Michael, if that’s what you mean)

Lor:

(that is not what I mean)

Mace:

I love that little bracelet on Sam’s wrist

Lor:

it COULD have been over if the writers hadn't dropped the ball all the way to the center  of the earth at the end

YES

Mace:

YUP

Lor:

nnnnnggggg Dean crouching by the car

Mace:

is he wearing…italian boots?

Lor:

he is wearing SOME kind of very special boots that he did NOT buy at Macy's, that's for sure

pets him

this is why you never park over top of shit

Mace:

Ha!

Lor:

lol poor Bobby. "MORE of you snot nosed Winchesters to look after? I'm gonna resurrect your son of bitch father so I can shoot him myself"

Mace:

AHAHAHA YES

oh WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER NOW WHAT HAPPENS

OOOOOO

Lor:

LOL

Mace:

Dean is STRUGGLING with stuff

Lor:

he REALLY is

Mace:

wants to hate the kid but also wants to protect him

Lor:

YEP

Mace:

Big Brother pull is strong with this one

Lor:

yep

oh Sam

Mace:

“i think it’s too late for us"

oh DEAN WINCHESTER

they are beautiful boys, but DAMN they are messed up

Lor:

they REALLY are

"well then I'll look again"

Mace:

stubborn

Lor:

his little hufflepuff heart can't handle not caretaking his little brother

Mace:

ha!

“sloppy Joe” DEAN WINCHESTER NO

Lor:

lol I love that he makes his quips when there's no one to hear them though

Mace:

I prefer when he says “son of a bitch"

Lor:

ditto

oooof Dean

Mace:

yeah

oh he’s got his thinking cap on

Lor:

lol

EW

Mace:

agreed

EWEWEW

STOP CUTTING MY STRINGBEAN

Lor:

RIGHT?

ooof Dean you can stop now

Mace:

Jesus, Dean.

Lor:

you probably wanna raise them higher than that too Sam

Mace:

yeah

Lor:

"Adam's in a better place" not for looooong

Mace:

i don’t remember how he comes back

is it because dean says no to michael?

Lor:

the angels bring him back when Dean says no, yeah

Mace:

stop insulting sammy, dean

Lor:

"you take it any way you want" ooooooof

The Fraught Brothers Ride Again

Mace:

cripes, boys

[crazyunsexycool]

First and foremost....happy birthday to one of my favorite writers and mutual 😘🎂🎉

I am participating in your celebration by requesting a blurb with the following prompt with any of the amazing Avenger men of your choice

oh it's nothing it's just. you sing when you're happy and the place has been so quiet for so long, and I heard you- nevermind,

Lots of love 💗

Kris thank you so much, you’re so freaking sweet!!!

A song in a quiet places

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

A/N: love that prompt!! I hope you like it. I’m going out of my comfort zone and writing for Tony!

The compound had been eerily quiet for months. Some team members were on the run, others were retired or under house arrest but you were still there. People still needed help and you just couldn’t turn your back on them. The first few months were the worst, you missed your friends and knowing they were on the run saddened you. Knowing that the team as a whole was gone and would most likely never get back together broke your heart.

The only other person in the compound was Tony. He mostly kept to himself when he isn’t out in the city but he can’t stand much of that either. People tend to be cruel because they’re divided on the accords. Everyone saw the videos of the fight at the airport and they’re very opinionated on the matter.

Now you’ve settled into a routine. You take the missions you can or you work on what you have in the lab. Projects that you had started with Tony but never finished. New suits for the team, updates for Sam’s wings and updates to Tony’s suits. On the bad days the pit in your chest that aches with loneliness consumes you. You kissed Tony most of all. The flirty back and forth and they way he would do whatever it took to cheer you up. There were a lot of reasons to be happy too. You still had a way of helping others, and you still managed to work on what you loved. On the good days you sing.

It’s what you were currently doing. Working on fixing your weapons and humming. It had started like a hum, then a murmur and then full blown singing at the top of your lungs. The guns long forgotten as you used the screwdriver as a microphone. Memories of late night jam sessions with Tony played vividly as you lost yourself in the music.

You scream when you turn toward the door as you realize someone was standing in the doorway.

“Tony! You can’t just sneak up on people like that.” You placed a hand over your chest trying to stop your heart from beating wildly. “What’s that smile for?”

“Oh it’s nothing it’s just… you sing when you’re happy and this place has been quiet for so long. And I heard you- never mind.”

“Wait. Don’t go, you just got here.” You moved to stand in the door so he wouldn’t leave just yet. “How have you been?”

“Just peachy.”

“Wow, I’ve never heard the Tony Stark with nothing to say.” You try to joke.

Tony pulls you close. Closer than you’d ever been before and your breath hitches.

“How about this for something to say. I’ve missed you. You have always been my favorite part of coming into the lab but for the last few months I didn’t have the nerve to come in here when you were so heartbroken. And that was my fault. But today when I heard you singing I thought that maybe you wouldn’t turn me away if I showed up.”

“Why would I turn you away?” You looked up at him confused.

“Because I was afraid you’d blame me for everything and I can have everyone hate me but not you.”

“Tony I could never hate you. I mean it, I care about you way too much.”

“Really?” His eyes lit up in a way you hadn’t seen in so long.

“Really.”

He smiles and leans in and presses a soft sweet kiss on your lips. Then he rests his forehead against yours.

Maybe now you had a new reason to sing.

[tigerlilynoh]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Thank you @ambersock for the nudge/inspiration to reflect on things I'm really proud of.

Job & Family This one is definitely top of my list because it’s dear to my heart in so many ways.  I spent 26 months writing this 600k beast.  It has several of my favorite original characters and fight scenes.  I love that act one starts pretty straightforward, then it jumps the rails with the second act (and I love the inherent trust of any reader who is willing to hang on).  The story gave me so much room to world build across multiple planes and dive into the politics and culture of Hell in particular. It’s simply the sandbox I could play in forever.

Beyond the End, There is a Season I often describe this fic as “Job & Family was several seasons of a tv show.  Beyond the End is a movie.”  My goal with the fic was to really dig into pacing and tension to play with suspense.  The main inspiration were 28 Days Later and A Quiet Place— with the added priority of a really mess interpersonal dynamic (post-canonical-betrayal Sam and Ruby).  It’s like 100k with the first 80% being almost entirely just Sam and Ruby having to work together.  Both in that character/relationship study and in individual moments, it lingers in a way I love.  I’m so proud of how it turned out.

Time for a Lesson My version of a dark fic.  It was for a dark fic bang and part of my challenged to myself was not relying on sexual violence to do the heavy lifting of danger.  I wanted to make the most unnerving, menacing Demon!Dean I could, one that would inevitably flay the canonical one.  Sam’s character arc in this one is something I’m very pleased with.  And I delight in this dark fic’s inspiration being Treason by the Book (a historical account of a failed incitement to treason, and specifically the poor bastard who got a target on his back because someone tried to incite him).

Cybernatural I don’t blame anyone for not giving this one a chance; it’s an odd one, but it has a lot of things that I’m so happy with.  The inspiration was, “If I could write a spn spinoff, what would the first season look like?”  This was my attempt at noir (it’s actually neo noir because it’s set in the future with some minor sci-fi tech), a genre that I actually didn't really like prior to writing this, but I studied it as part of the challenge to myself and grew to really appreciate its style.  It was also my attempt at writing an old version of Sam, particularly one struggling with passing the torch and his own insecurities.  I dig its case fic/noir vibe, and I cackled wildly at making readers read through a sex scene involving elderly people… because I often think of myself as your antagonist, here to put you where you never thought you’d be.

The Uncomfortable Adventures of Sam in Law School (WIP) Despite the fact that it is incomplete, this is another instance of world building that I’m so deeply proud of.  Stanford-era Sam getting caught up in the magic subculture of the San Francisco Bay Area.  Magical realism, drugs, lots of sex, Sam having anxiety and major illness, a chapter that delves into hunter culture and Sam’s relationship with his dad and Dean— that chapter is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. It's a piece that's so special to me that what holds me back most from completing it is fear of letting it down, but I hold out hope that with time and renewed practice (and maybe a couple vacations or ADHD medication to reboot me) I'll grow braver. Time will tell.

[seriouslysam8]

Hey Sam, I love love love Brumous so far and I can’t wait to read more. I know things are going to get more dark and I hope this isn’t asking for any spoilers but how dark is everything going to get? I guess what I’m trying to ask you is if the death eaters will be sa the Hogwarts students? As someone who went through that at a very very young age I can’t read stories have those story lines for obvious reasons. I’m usually good at looking out for tags or warnings, but I thought I could handle it with one particular fic and let’s just say it was a downward spiral. It was my fault and not the writers in any way, I think I thought I was stronger and better and reality really slapped me in the face. I’m a lot better now but I’m trying to be more cautious of what I read or the fics I get invested in because sometimes as a reader you read things that make you uncomfortable because the writer is so good but then you realize that you can’t handle certain plots and it and it takes a toll on you. I would never blame the writer because they usually warn you, but sometimes we think we’re stronger than we actual are. There was one of your fics I had to avoid reading because of the warnings, and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude but I’m afraid to get invested and things becoming really dark in terms of sa with minors. This probably seems like a stupid ask and I’m sorry if it comes across as rude or anything and im probably not explaining myself well, but I hope I was able to ask the question without sounding rude or like an idiot. I really admire your work and I hope you keep gifting us with your amazing writing.

Don’t worry at all, okay? I got you. You’re not the only one who has asked, and I don’t mind at all. I don’t want someone to ever be upset by something I wrote because they were blindsided or tried to push through. I am not offended or upset at all, all right? I would much rather be frank about what will happen in my stories to make people feel comfortable and confident when they read. It’s not at all rude to say you avoided one of my stories. I am just glad I tagged it appropriately for you and I can guess which one you’re talking about.

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I have no interest in writing those kind of scenes with minors. It’s hard for me to read those kind of scenes and most times I will just skip those scenes when I read stories with it. So I totally understand your concern and your desire to avoid it.

I try to tag appropriately and even give a heads up in special author’s notes before the chapter begins. I remember Bell and I deciding how to write the warning for Harry’s throat slicing moment without giving away what happens but also warn people enough to know it’s gruesome and have an idea of what was going to happen.

Now, that being said, it will be dark akin to Backstabber and Bête Noire. There will be death and torture. I’ll do my best to warn people at the beginning of the chapter if there’s something particularly gruesome. If you decide to read and get to one of those chapters where it sounds like it may be too much for you to read, you can always private message me on here and I’d be more than glad to give a summary of the chapter or tell you exactly what POV to avoid or what have you.

I hope that helps!

[agathasroad]

Glee (for the send me a show ask)

The first character I fell in love with:

That’s definitely a tie between Brittany and Santana! I still remember it pretty well - I had just joined tumblr in April 2011 and had started to see Brittana gifs everywhere (it was after Sexy but before Rumours I think) I immediately became obsessed with knowing who these adorable cheerleaders were (should have realised then and there I was gay lmao), started watching the show for them and ended up being consumed by all of it💕

The character who is my ‘baby’:

When I tell you that I will put my life on the line for Brittany S Pierce, that is a cold hard fact😌

I don’t think Brittany gets the recognition and love she truly deserves by the wider fandom and anyone who sees her as just the ‘dumb blonde’…it will be an on site fight where I will in fact win

The character who I do not understand:

Basically any of the Glee project characters (all except the powerhouse that is Unique/Alex🙌🏻) Like can someone honestly tell me that if Rory was completely removed from the plot of Season three, that anything would significantly change?? lmao Also I don’t remember much of season 4 (forced amnesia to forget it lmao) but Ryder/Blake can choke😌

I just don’t understand why they did all that and I’m only thankful for it because it brought us the talents of Alex Newall

The character that I think the show ruined:

Most of them?😅 like honestly, I think the show suffered a bit from ‘too many characters’ syndrome so there were characters who got forgotten about, got reduced to one stereotypical trait, or just got screwed over because the writers didn’t know what to do with them

One I think could have been so much more is Quinn. She was a pivotal part of season 1 and then as soon as she had her baby it was like the writers were at a loss, and by season 3 were throwing the most batshit, yet short lived, stories at her to see what would stick?? I think if they really stuck with one thing and had a long term vision for her, she could have continued to be a major player for the whole series

The most attractive male and female character:

I’m gonna say Santana (almost tied with Brittany, but I see myself in her too much so it gets weird for me lmao) because…it’s Santana, duh😌 she is just…if I could place blame on my lesbianism anywhere, it would be on Santana Lopez’s shoulders lmao

And I may be a lesbian but I still know that if there’s a chance I wasn’t, Sam Evans could get it lmao

The character death that was the worst for me:

I don’t wanna say too much because it was also a real life death, but obviously the Quarterback episode about Finn is still a really difficult watch😢

The character that is the most like me:

Oh Brittany 100%🥰 I’ve always seen myself in her in many ways. Maybe it’s fact we share the neurodivergence idk lmao

I just really relate to a majority of Brittany’s personality traits, so it makes her even more of a special character to me💕

The character I think the writer(s) love:

Like Santana said in season 3, episode 4: “this year it’s going to be the Blaine and Rachel show”👀 You cannot convince me that those two weren’t the writers golden children

The character that I just want to be happy:

I mean, as a Brittana supporter before anything, I have to say all I want is for Brittany and Santana to be the happiest married couple🥰 I want them to still be married, with their own home (maybe with a kid or two as well) and completely smashing it in their respective careers💕

My four favourite characters, past or present:

Brittany, Santana, Kurt, and Mercedes💕 (shoutout to Quinn, Unique, and Sam though, I love them a lot too🥰)

My four least favourite characters, past or present:

Blaine, Puck, Will, and Artie I guess? Purely just because I either never cared for any of their storylines or they actively started to grate on me as the show went on😌

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 11:

season 3, episode 3, “Prey”:

- this episode is so insane

- i forgot it entirely tbh

- morse is so stunning in maroon 😭😭

- typically if your house is filling with smoke, you OPEN THE DOORS AND WINDOWS

- just letting thursday cough for no reason

- morse got so used to how he and jakes worked together he doesn’t know how to act anymore

- jakes used to let morse do most of the talking 🫤

- i have to respect every character ever flirting w morse because if i was an actor i would flirt w shaun evans at any given opportunity whether or not it was in the script

- i want whatever life these students are leading

- just smoking and drinking in the woods around a fire and skinny dipping

- minus the murder of course

- or i could get murdered

- that might be fine

- anyways!

- morse is so catty when he’s questioning people

- like he needs to take a deep breathe methinks

- trewlove supremacy we need to protect her at all costs 🥰🥰

- morse’s face after the scientist explains what he’s doing is so fucking funny

- i am 100% convinced that morse is in a shitty mood this episode because he misses having jakes around

- jakes and morse worked well together because they know where the other person is most valuable and useful and he doesn’t have that chemistry anywhere else

- once again, i HATE when men call women birds, but strange saying “the only birds he had any interest in were the feathered sort,” is SO DAMN FUNNY

- morse’s waist is SNATCHED ‼️

- morse also liked jakes because he never disturbed him

- he just let him be himself and that’s why morse loved him

- strange and morse r so weird together sometimes

- like strange literally taught morse how to be a good friend and yet the only person he’s incapable of being a good friend w is strange

- THE BABY???????? IS THE TIGER GONNA KILL THE BABY???????

- update the tiger did not kill the baby but the goat is MIA

- DEBRYN THANK GOD

- been needing him recently

- morse focusing on debryns eyes instead of the arm 🥰🥰

- ex-lovers quarrel in the laboratory ladies?

- like why is debryn so catty w that other doctor ?

- felt super personal

- mr craven is fine as FUCK i don’t care what anyone says

- he’s hot ‼️

- i’m gonna vouch for trewlove to wear pants and boots

- tights and skirt with little wing tips is not gonna cut it in the woods

- bright just wants a daughter i’m so sick 😭😭😭

- morse and thursday squaring the FUCK up to defend bright is something that can be so personal

- AYO MORTMAIGNE IS SO FINE

- ok let me stfu

- “perhaps you should fetch the officers some tea”

- HELLO?

- the way she’s having a complete breakdown over the death of a friend, entering a state of shock and sobbing, and he tells her to SERVE THEM??????????

- i hate men

- “have you come to pray?” “uh………. not today.”

- i know she’s probably right that brutus was just trying to play and didn’t mean to hurt her but girl 😐

- you got MAULED by a TIGER

- cant be blaming urself for all that

- thursday connecting with sam is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- he’s so proud of him

- and he doesn’t want him to do anything just for him

- i wish he was my dad

- oh i know for a fact trewlove lived for academic validation in school

- look at her little smile when bright complements her

- she’s just like me fr

- casual police brutality

- cant love it!

- a TIGER????????????????

- in OXFORD?

- the writers were bored when they came up w this one

- the plots where a woman is guilty are more interesting almost 100% of the time

- morse’s face when he sees the tiger

- he’s literally shitting bricks

- it’s not funny but yes it is

- this is why rich people shouldn’t be allowed to keep mazes on their property

- i’m not saying they are paralleling morse to a tiger but that’s exactly what i’m saying and i’m willing to do an entire analysis post of that!

- bright is the COLDEST motherfucker to ever do it

- how on EARTH did they get a tiger for this shit

- morse is such a victim

- props to him for acting brave in this scenario i would have had a stroke

- his face tho 😭😭

- “when it jumps you run!”

- savior complex! he has a savior complex! and i’m tired of you pretending he doesn’t!

- dear god he was so scared

- once again tho:

- BRIGHT IS THE HARDEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THE FORCE

- well that was stressful

- “carry on!”

- during the girl’s confession, bright and morse share a Moment™️ and it’s rly special to me

- also the doctor not being attracted to her because of her mauling is SO foul i hate men

- “if he understood me then maybe he could have loved me.”

- and then FOCUSING on morse during the episode he’s grappling with jakes leaving ????

- i’m gonna fucking vomit

- this episode was not gay but it was VERY camp so i fuck w it

[1d1195]

I knew immediately that once I saw it wasn’t going to be an “easy” read that it would not be your vibe lol ITS NOT BAD THOUGH! like I it’s nice to turn your brain off! And tbh i bought it bc it was recommended by an actresses/writer I like 😔 was it an impulsive buy? YES but honestly i needed to feel something bahah and I trust your opinions too bestie!! And I will FOR SURE give my review if I think you’ll like it!

NOT ME WANTING TO CRY WITH YOU SAYING YOUVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ME😭 Sam, literally you don’t even know how nice that is 😭 and yeah I did see you mention that! And a new series that’s college based, SIGN ME UP!! I can’t wait to live through the MC bahah I love romanticizing school even if it makes me wanna jump off a bridge sometimes bahaha but OF COURSE I’ll like it!!!

I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough week, that sounds like HELL! And I don’t blame you for calling them psychopaths! They are WILD and I know I was once a 14 yr old and I was kinda crazy! But I never took it out on my teachers lol you can tell me when you’re ready and I will gladly read your rant!

Definitely relate to readers block! I get it ya know bc in an odd way you do get attached to the plot and characters so they have to mean something! I remember the first time I had to take a “break” from reading because I was just too DEVASTATED over the ending of a book it literally was when I was 14 lol

I REALLY DID LOVE THE NEW EXTRA! I didn’t mind it was so far into the future! It was so good I meant it when I said I was hurting from how cute they all were lol and awww Sam my heart is literally so warm with how sweet you are! I seriously couldn’t hold in how much I loved reading your stuff so in my head asking for an emoji was a big deal bc idk fear of rejection?! Dumb I know but I needed you to know how much your work IS appreciated! So yeah I do honestly have to thank Protection for that!

And don’t say sorry, I LOVE reading your responses! Idc how long they are! And you know I’ll get back you no matter what!-💜

I’m a big fan of treating yourself. (I have never denied myself of a treat.) I hope it lives up to its expectation!

Exactly how I feel with readers block! The same thing happens when I’m writing too. If was SO hard to move away from Love and Dryer Sheets and onto Dolcezza. It happens every time!

You are the best and so so sweet! I’m keeping this response short in case you have time to read my update today and have to send another! 😉

Love you!

Xoxo

[postmoderntongues]

I’ll always be sad that Soren died instead of recovered. He was a good writer with his poetry like I love the stuff on milkilling if even 25% of that wasn’t plagiarized he has some skill and could have channeled it into creative writing instead of catastrophic lying his biggest mistake was going too splatterpunk with what was supposed to be a memoir and his tendency to write children as either toddlers or teenagers when their behavior doesn’t match their age. But other than that his prose is pretty good for somebody who never studied writing formally. And what makes me saddest is how much before his suicide he talked about needing a friend. I tried to reach out bc we knew each other on the MCR forums but he was too paranoid to talk to anybody at that point and I don’t blame him. But the whole situation kind of breaks my heart because with the right therapy and people not enabling him he could have pulled it together and made something of himself even if that something was self publishing splatterpunk or poetry collections it would have been better than sinking into a tar pit of lies. Sam is a Mary-sue and like I said he writes children like somebody who has never been around an actual child but overall his writing is a solid C+ and I wish we could have seen it develop into its full potential with the right training instead of the crash and burn that we witnessed. Idk. It makes me sad.