#I do think its a toss up whether SJ sees more of himself or of YQY in SY (it really depends on circumstances)

[gaywarcriminals]

Qijiuyuan AU where Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan are both fucking Shen Yuan as a replacement for the other (divorce mode or unrealized yearning? You decide). Qijiu are not aware of the homoerotic triangle, but SY has heard each of them slip up and say the wrong name as they fuck him into the mattress. 

[megalony]

A mother’s love- Part 2

Here is the second part of my new King! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone will enjoy, thank you all for the lovely feedback so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog​

Series taglist: @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) lost their first baby but now they have a baby boy together, an heir to the throne. But life is far from easy when (Y/n)’s mental health starts to take a bad turn.

Enjoy.

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When (Y/n) managed to gain the energy to open her sore eyes, it took longer than it should have for her mind to come back around and work out where she was and what was happening. It felt like there was a storm raging in (Y/n)'s head and the mist was far from beginning to clear. All her limbs felt like they were bars of gold that were unwilling to comply with her demands and move.

Tears began to well in (Y/n)'s blurring eyes when she couldn't move an inch, feeling like she was about to sink further into the mattress until she disappeared forever. Maybe that’s what she wanted, to disappear into nothing, something in the back of her mind was telling her that disappearing would be better than waking up. But as her blurring eyes tried to look at her surroundings, (Y/n) saw that she was in her room that was lit with cascading lights of orange and pale yellow coming from the gap between the curtains.

Memories and voices swirled around in her head like they were stuck in a washing machine until (Y/n) could do nothing but cry at the events she was remembering that brought her here.

(Y/n) had wanted a baby so badly after losing her first, she had a desperate yearning to hold her baby in her arms and feel them moving and wriggling and smiling up at her or just to see their beautiful eyes open. But now that she had gotten what she wished for, (Y/n) didn't know if it was truly what she wanted. She didn't know if she was ready to be a mother when she couldn't find the emotions she wanted to possess towards her baby. She couldn't be a mother if she felt repulsion towards the baby that had caused her so much pain.

Her breathing quickened in pace when she felt a familiar hand rubbing up and down her arm but as soon as her eyes were staring up at Ben, hundreds more tears flooded her face and a broken sound escaped her lips.

She didn't exactly know why she was crying. Maybe it was because she could still feel the pain surging through her, maybe it was the thoughts that were making her feel like a horrible person. Or maybe it was the fact that whatever sedative had been pushed into her veins was making her feel like she was paralysed with no control over her thoughts or her body.

Whatever the reason was, (Y/n) couldn't stop the tears from falling, especially when she felt Ben's hand brushing against her face, his thumb swiping away the tears as best he could.

"Shh, it's okay baby, you're okay." Ben continued to run his hand over her cheek until (Y/n) seemed to find the ability to move. Her hands flailed around at her sides but her movements were slower than normal, most probably due to the sedative still not out of her system yet. When it became clear that (Y/n) was trying to move and push herself up, Ben took the initiative and carefully wrapped his arms around her frame. He effortlessly lifted her up until she was sat upright, leaning against the pillows that she sank into as they moulded around her frame.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes as (Y/n) tried to gather her bearings and gain control over her own body again. But the more control she seemed to gain, the worse she started to feel. Her head was swimming, her body felt groggy and odd and her frame was starting to shake. The moment her hands and arms seemed to shake and jerk worse, (Y/n) enclosed her arms against her chest, her wide eyes full of confusion and pain which made Ben bite down on his lip to stop himself from crying too.

"It's just the medicine wearing out, baby, it won't last long." Ben inched a bit closer to (Y/n) before he moved his arms, waiting for her to tell him that it was okay to hold her. When (Y/n) found the ability to nod, Ben swooped in and wrapped his arms around her, relieved she wasn't pushing him away.

(Y/n) didn't know what time it was but it looked like it was sometime in the early morning, but that didn't tell (Y/n) if she had only been asleep for a few hours or if she'd possibly been out for over a day. But when she took note that Ben was wearing the same wrinkled white button up shirt as he had when she'd been in labour, she guessed it had been a mere few hours of sleep she'd gotten.

They stayed wrapped up like that for over ten minutes before (Y/n) felt the shaking gradually subsiding enough that she felt somewhat calmer and more in control. (Y/n) felt her chest slowly calming down rather than heaving from shock and pain and she pulled just a little bit out of Ben's comforting embrace so she could look up at her husband.

(Y/n) tried to force herself to smile but before she could even get the courage to form a smile, her eyes welled up with more tears and pain. She watched the confusion pooling in Ben's eyes and the worry on his face when he noticed (Y/n)'s sudden change in expression. But when her lips fell at the corners and her breathing started to stutter, he couldn't tell whether she was in some kind of pain or if something had suddenly dawned on her. Ben froze in his place, having no time to ask her what was wrong before (Y/n) was reaching her lightly trembling hand to the side of his face, and it suddenly dawned on Ben what was wrong.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." (Y/n) could hardly speak through the tears and how dry her throat was causing her to croak. She remembered thrashing her arms out at Ben last night but she didn't realise she'd gone as far as to hurt him.

Ben had a cut on his jaw and a small bruise on his cheek that was barely visible but it was an eyesore to (Y/n) now she knew she'd done that. (Y/n) would never intentionally hurt Ben but she had been in so much pain that she could hardly remember last night.

Reaching his hand up, Ben placed his hand over (Y/n)'s as he managed to smile. He knew that (Y/n) didn't mean to hurt him and he would never hold it against her, she had been in so much pain and he knew sedating (Y/n) wasn't the right thing to do. He should have tried harder to calm (Y/n) down but she had been making herself worse so he thought it was the best thing to do.

"It's fine, sweetheart, it wasn't your fault... I shouldn't have let him sedate you." Ben turned his head to kiss the palm of (Y/n)'s hand, thankful she seemed to calm down rather quickly.

As angry and confused as (Y/n) had felt last night, she knew even though sedating her had made her feel groggy and awful right now, it had been the right thing to do. She had been in distress and (Y/n) didn't know if she would have been able to fall asleep without some kind of medication to help her.

Turning his head, Ben glanced his eyes over to the foot of the bed when he heard their baby boy quietly gurgling. For the past seven hours that (Y/n) had been asleep, Ben had been switching between keeping watch over their baby boy and keeping an eye on (Y/n). It had started to worry him when she didn't move a muscle because Ben knew (Y/n) always tossed and turned in her sleep, he usually ended up waking with (Y/n) sprawled on top of him or with her limbs entangled with his.

When the doctor gave their boy some medication it seemed to send him to sleep for a little while but he kept stirring and seeing him wriggling and waking up made Ben feel relief.

Slowly untangling himself from (Y/n), Ben pressed a tender kiss to her forehead before he moved to check on their boy, seeing if he was awake or not. Reaching into the cot, Ben carefully picked the newborn up and held him to his chest. Ben didn't think he was ever going to get used to this feeling when he could still clearly remember what it felt like to hold his baby who didn't wriggle or move or even open his eyes.

Ben perched back down on the bed, crossing one leg under the other before he turned to look at (Y/n) with a gentle smile.

"Do you want to hold him?" Ben moved his arms closer to (Y/n) but his smile faded from his lips when (Y/n) shook her head instantly. She didn't even seem to debate the question, she clearly didn't want him right now but what made Ben's heart shatter was how (Y/n) wasn't even looking at him.

She hadn't seen their baby boy, she didn't know if he had small tufts of hair or not, she didn't know what colour eyes he had, how big or small he was, she wasn't willing to even glance over at him. Ben's head leaned to the side as a sorrowful expression took over his face when (Y/n) closed her eyes and burrowed her head into the pillow as she slowly laid down.

(Y/n) didn't want to hold him, she didn't want to feel that different weight in her arms that would undoubtedly be moving this time rather than being a dead weight that she remembered. She didn't want to look at him because she had the image of her other baby engraved into her mind. If she stared at their boy for too long she feared she would forget what their first baby looked like and she couldn't have that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small but rather nervous smile worked its way onto Ben's features when his eyes focused on (Y/n). He brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his thumb like he was trying to obscure his smile or stop himself from smiling too widely and give away the reason why he was smiling.

Trying to keep his breathing slow and even, Ben approached the bed that (Y/n) was sitting on and moved to sit beside her. He kept a small membrane of space between them out of precaution but he continued to stay silent, watching the scene unfold before his eyes. Needless to say, when (Y/n) wouldn't hold or even look at their baby it rung alarm bells in Ben's mind. Considering when they lost their first baby, (Y/n) had almost fought with the midwife to hold her baby and refused to let him go.

But it had now been two days since their baby had been born and this was the first time Ben had seen (Y/n) holding their boy for so long. She held him for the first time yesterday afternoon and seemed to smile before putting him down, not saying a word. She went back to pick him up a few more times throughout the evening but not for too long.

"How do you feel?" Ben reached a cautious hand over to rub up and down her lower back as he leaned against the pillows, gently resting his head on her shoulder when she didn't pull away from him.

"A bit better, I think." (Y/n) found that it felt a bit easier to smile now than yesterday where it took a lot of energy to force herself to smile when she held her baby.

She still felt exhausted, in pain, confused and weak with no energy but she was much better than she had been for the past two days. (Y/n) had to keep putting their boy down yesterday because she couldn't stop herself from imagining how much of a dead weight he felt and she kept having to stop herself from pressing her finger to his neck to check his pulse. It felt too familiar, too much like she was slipping back into the past when their boy wasn't screaming at her.

But he was calmer today, he was settled and Ben had given him some of the medicine the doctor left so he wouldn't be feeling any pain from his broken bone. (Y/n) could hold him better when he wasn't screaming, she felt more relaxed and when he wriggled it made her feel so much relief.

"Good, are you hungry? You haven't eaten anything yet." Ben pressed his lips to her shoulder, begging for her to say she was the slightest bit hungry because for the past two days (Y/n) had only been having drinks of juice and no food.

"Not really... I- I might get some fruit or something in a little while." (Y/n) knew eating would make her feel more awake and give her some energy but she was too tired and her appetite had disappeared since labour started. But she was in a much more elated mood right now so she might try and force herself to eat a little food in a while.

Ben hummed against her skin, focusing his eyes on their baby boy who was almost back to sleep in (Y/n)'s arms.

"Can we call him James?" (Y/n)'s sudden question surprised Ben and caused him to pick his head up from her shoulder so he could look at her properly. Names had been discussed a lot during the pregnancy but nothing had been decided and no name in particular had been put on a shortlist. Ben had thought about a few names but he didn't want to talk about that yet until (Y/n) felt better.

He noticed her tone seemed rather placid like she was indifferent about the subject or that it wasn't much of a big deal but he brushed off the thought and concentrated on how much better (Y/n) seemed to be feeling today.

"I think that's a good choice." Ben brushed his finger over James' cheek whilst he let the name sink in.

Choosing a name wasn't easy because any name they chose had to be a name that came from the royal line, such as Henry or Charlie (Charles) or Victoria or Mary, something traditional that people would agree with. James was certainly a traditional name and it was one (Y/n) could agree with. She couldn't dare to pick Charlie because although it was a good name for a kid, the thought of his proper name being Charles put her right off.

When they had their first boy the thought of a name slipped from Ben's mind for a while because he'd been rendered thoughtless from learning their baby was stillborn. He couldn't think of naming him when he knew he wasn't going to breathe or grow up or even open his eyes. But a name had been pressing on (Y/n)'s mind and she wanted to call him Finn, after a good friend.

Ben's mother had dared to tell (Y/n) that Finn wasn't traditional and therefore it couldn't be chosen but she soon backed down when (Y/n) angrily cried that he was dead and therefore wouldn't take the precious throne so a traditional name didn't matter. No one else disagreed about the name when it was for a deceased child.

(Y/n) smiled lightly as she adjusted James in her arms but her smile couldn't reach her eyes or her heart.

James had the left sleeve of his onesie safety pinned to his chest to keep his arm in place so he didn't disturb his broken bone and that was catching her attention. He came into the world screaming like his pain was worse than her own and he demanded the attention he didn't deserve. (Y/n) had heard the maids and even her parents whispering about 'the poor baby' and how he had 'suffered' but they didn't know the meaning of the word. James had it easy as far as (Y/n) was concerned, he was the one who decided to move when he shouldn't have and he got himself stuck, that was his own fault so he deserved what came to him.

The doctor had to hurt (Y/n) in order to get James into the world and all he got was a broken bone for his own trouble. (Y/n) was the one who felt like she'd been stabbed over a hundred times and had to have the doctor messing around twisting and turning the baby that had gotten stuck. She was the one who started bleeding badly because of James' ignorance.

Now everyone was just going to see James' pain and fuss over him without realising what a nuisance he had been to (Y/n).

There was a part of (Y/n) that was also wondering why James couldn't have been a girl. If he had been a girl then (Y/n) could have felt a bit better, a bit easier in herself. If she had a girl when everyone was hoping and expecting for a boy it would have made her smile in their faces. Everyone had told her how she needed to produce an heir and they meant a boy, but if she had a girl their heads would have turned in distaste, they would have been annoyed and (Y/n) could have laughed and felt proud to have a future Queen rather than a King.

(Y/n) went through all of that pain and turmoil just to give everyone what they had been wanting when they didn't deserve it. All of those spectators, the members of the council and her own family made her feel worthless and like she was only good for having a child and she gave them the boy they wanted.

(Y/n) was brought out of her sinking thoughts when there was a knock at the door that caused a shiver to run down her spine. For the past two days the only person who had been able to enter the room other than Ben was the doctor. (Y/n) didn't want to see anyone else, not even allowing any of the maids to come into the room at all.

Her eyes darted to look at Ben like she was begging for him to tell them to go away but both their eyes drifted to look back to the door when it slowly opened and Ben's mother peeked her head around the door.

"Hello dears, can I come in?"

A sigh passed through (Y/n)'s lips before she dully nodded, trying very hard to refrain from rolling her eyes. She could hardly say no when she had pushed everyone out for the past two days. Normally by the second day at the latest, the royal couple would go and let a few pictures be taken of them and the newborn. But (Y/n) had been far too ill to do so and she wouldn't let anyone take James out of the room despite not wanting to hold him.

When Anne walked into the room and perched down on the bed near to (Y/n) her eyes seemed to light up as a smile formed on her lips when she peeked over to look at her first grandchild. There was no doubt that she was pleased it was a boy but if she spoke those views Ben knew well enough that (Y/n) would force his mother out of the room at once.

"Oh, he's beautiful! How is he, not in any pain I hope?" She brushed her fingers over the small ash coloured tufts of hair on top of his head but her words made (Y/n)'s smile fall from her lips.

(Y/n) was in pain.

"No, he's fine." (Y/n) kept her eyes on James, not seeing the worry pooling in Ben's eyes when he looked over at her. He'd been with her long enough to know when something was wrong and he knew it was to do with James but all he could think of was that (Y/n) didn't know how to cope when they'd ended up with no child last time around. This was hardly going to be smooth sailing for either of them.

"Oh good, come on let me hold him."

Something stabbed at (Y/n)'s heart when those words registered in her ears but she didn't know why. She was hardly one to want to hold James for very long right now but the thought of someone other than Ben holding and tending to him felt like someone was prodding at her heart.

(Y/n) held her breath in her lungs for as long as he could manage when she settled James into Anne's arms before recoiling her arms to her chest. Why did it feel so wrong to give him to someone else just for a few minutes when she didn't feel attached to him? Surely it was a good thing to let someone else have James for now?

Barely a minute had passed since Anne took James into her arms but Ben could clearly see that it was causing some kind of distress for (Y/n). The way she was subconsciously scratching at her shoulder and neck was like she was trying to gain back some kind of control over herself or telling herself she had to be calm when she didn't feel like it. Saying nothing, Ben moved his hand until his fingers were entwining with (Y/n)'s to stop her from scratching when she got dangerously close to breaking the skin.

"We've decided to call him James." Ben smiled over at his mother, watching as she looked up from the newborn to smile at the couple, clearly it was a name she could agree with.

"Oh, that is a nice name, fitting for a little prince." (Y/n) leaned her head to the side at Anne's words, focusing her vision on James to try and calm herself down but it wasn't working. She didn't think he looked like a James, no child looked like they suited their name but she hoped he would grow into the name. "I think it's much better than... oh what was it-"

"Finn." The word passed through gritted teeth before (Y/n) tore her hand from Ben's. If it was up to her there would be no guidelines about what they could or couldn't call their children just because it didn't sound posh enough. Finn wasn't a posh name but (Y/n) didn't like the snobbish, high class names, she'd rather have something down to Earth that she knew she liked. She wanted to pick something that sounded nice, not that sounded wealthy.

"Mother, please don't do start that now." Ben's tone was warning his mother that she was treading on thin ice and he hardly sounded kind.

"I only meant that-"

"Can you go now?" (Y/n) chipped in before she suddenly leaned forward and took James from her arms without asking or giving her a chance to realise what was going on. (Y/n) shushed James when he whimpered at the sudden movement and she rocked him in the crook of her arm, desperate for him not to start crying or she would have to hand him over to Ben. She couldn't deal with his cries right now.

(Y/n) refused to look over at Anne, she kept her focus solely on the baby in her arms, nor did she care to listen to whatever Anne said before Ben urged her to go. He saw no point in letting his mother stay and distress (Y/n) when she still wasn't very well. She was holding and tending to James and that was a vast improvement, Ben didn't want his mother to jeopardise that.

Moving her hand, (Y/n) gently brushed her thumb over James' arm that was pinned to his chest to try and make him feel more comfortable. But when he began to whimper, a sigh left her lips before she brushed her thumb over his cheek to try and calm him down. Why was he starting to cry? He was on pain medication for his injury but (Y/n) wasn't. No one had offered her any pain relief for her broken body or her tattered mind and soul, she was stuck in her pain but James was given the relief because he was the little baby prince.

'You don't know what pain is.'

[shownuslaugh]

Through the Years

Series: Bigbang 6th Member AU

Pairing: SJ/GD

2007

           Taeyang nudges SJ forward but the younger girl’s slight frame takes it more as a shove. She lurches forward, mumbling under her breath and staring directly at the ground. She can’t look up. Can’t look him in the eyes. And why should she? He’s been nothing but a pain in her ass since day one, pushing her around and harassing her to her wits end.

           “Say it,” Seunghyun tells her.

           SJ crosses her arms and squares her shoulders before looking at Jiyong dead in the eye. “Happy birthday. Jerk.”

           Daesung gasps and pulls SJ back, scolding her so quietly someone stumbling on the scene would think he’s saying nothing at all. SJ shakes away his hold on her with an annoyed huff.

           “Thank you.” Jiyong’s smile is razor sharp, making SJ gulp audibly. That smile means something is coming. And it won’t be good for her.

2008

           “I don’t wanna!” SJ whines the entire time Daesung drags her behind him. “Dae, he hates me! Why should I even show up?”

           “Because we’re a group. Now come on.”

           “Do you still have the gift I got for you to give him?” Taeyang peers at her curiously, searching for a square box hidden in her bag.

           “No,” SJ answers with a bite to her tone. “I tossed it.”

           “What?!”

           “Don’t worry! I’ll give you your twenty bucks back.” She fishes around in her pocket. “Here.”

           Taeyang groans. “SJ, you can’t keep doing this.”

           “Watch me.”

           “I don’t think any of us really want to,” Seungri mutters.

           SJ’s brow arches. “What was that?”

           “Just go be a bitch to him so we can get this over with and have fun. We’re all sick of it.” Seunghyun is the one to answer SJ, practically daring her to argue with the intensity of his gaze.

           SJ’s eyes wander from Top to the bar where she notices Jiyong propped up on the counter. He’s chatting with some girl in a dress two sizes too small and makeup that looks like it was done in the dark. SJ’s stomach falls to the soles of her feet.

           “See!” She gestures wildly. “He doesn’t even want to spend his birthday with us anyway! Just…” SJ pulls some change out of her pocket and shoves it towards one of the guys. She honestly doesn’t care who. “Give him this and tell him to get a condom out of that machine in the bathroom. It’s on me. Can’t have our precious leader catching an STD, can we?”

           SJ storms out of the club.

           Daesung looks between her and Jiyong. “She knows that’s Dara… right?”

           Taeyang sighs. “I don’t think she cares.”

           Seungri toys with the coins SJ gave him. “Who wants to give this to hyung?”

           All of them groan.

2009

           SJ sneaks quietly weaves through the other party goers, searching the dense crowd for Jiyong. He shouldn’t be this difficult to spot at his own birthday party but he’s sending her on one hell of a search.

           “Oh, hyung!” SJ grabs Seunghyun’s arm, pulling him down to her height. “Have you seen GD around?”

           Seunghyun points toward their kitchen. It seems like it takes far more effort than necessary, so SJ appreciates his drunken attempt. She pats him on the cheek, giggling at the way his eyes sparkle at the affection.

           When SJ enters the kitchen GD is alone, nursing a can of beer. He grins at her crookedly when she approaches.

           “Ah, there she is! My favorite girl in the world.” His words slur together and SJ’s suddenly struck by a feeling of discomfort. “You actually came this year.”

           SJ grimaces. “Yeah.”

           “Do I get a present this year?” Jiyong bats his eyelashes, giggling playfully.

           She considers the gift card to one of his favorite music stores safely tucked away in her back pocket. A sense of outrage fills her suddenly. “My presence is your present, you jerk!”

           She’ll just spend it on herself.

2010

           SJ is… surprisingly pleased with herself. The entire day has passed, schedules are done, Jiyong’s birthday dinner wrapped up, and he still has no idea. No idea that the second he opens the door to his bedroom-

           “PARK SOOJIN!”

           SJ runs to his room, almost tripping over her own feet in excitement. She trows out her arms and yells “Happy birthday, hyung!”

           Jiyong doesn’t know whether to be impressed or exasperated as balloon after balloon falls out of his bedroom and litters the hallway. “SJ, what the fuck?”

           She deflates a little. “Don’t… don’t you like it?” Did she overthink how close they were getting? Was she misreading signs whenever he’d chuckle at one of her pranks on the other members? Did she just ruin everything good they had going between them?

           When he sees the panic in her eyes he’s quick to reassure her. “No, no, no, it’s great! I was just shocked at first!”

           Still not completely convinced, she points to his bed. “There’s more.”

           He creeps in slowly, careful not to pop any of the balloons. His bed is absolutely covered in silly string and streamers, the colors alternating between red, black, gold, and white. Beneath all of that is a picture frame. It’s clearly hand painted, the designs intricate yet sloppy all at once. Jiyong smiles, brushes away the celebratory debris, and picks the frame up as if it’s the most precious thing he owns.

           “Thank you, SJ.” And he means it.

           “It’s from the day we found out we’d debut together.” SJ’s voice is soft, lost in memory. “Youngbae’s mom helped me track it down.”

           Jiyong ruffles her hair before letting his hand slide down the side of her face and cup her cheek. “You’re the best.”

2011

           “Jiyong!” SJ tugs on his leg in an attempt to drag him out of bed. “Come on! Let’s go!”

           “I don’t want a party this year!” He kicks her away impatiently, not in the mood to go out. “I just want to stay in and spend it with the people I actually care about.”

           “So, fuck us then, huh?”

           He sits up at the sound of Dami’s voice. “I thought you were working!”

           Dami shrugs. “When SJ calls I answer.”

           “But when I call-” Jiyong doesn’t finish that sentence. “Never mind.”

           “That’s what I thought.”

           SJ perches on the edge of his bed, threading her fingers through his. “I know how long it’s been since you’ve seen your family… so I might’ve made a few phone calls and bought a few plane tickets. Don’t worry, you still don’t have to go out somewhere. Everyone is here.”

           “And you’ll stay?”

           She nods. “Whatever you want. It’s your day, Jiyong.”

2012

           “SJ, seriously. It’s his birthday!” Daesung watches as SJ gets ready for her date with Siwon.

           “You think I don’t know that?” She shoots him a glare that’s equal parts amusing and terrifying. “It’s not like I can just ring up Unicef and be like ‘hey can you reschedule this whole charity gala thing? It’s my best fri-”

           Daesung’s entire demeanor perks up. “It’s your what? Go ahead, SJ. Finish your sentence.”

           SJ rolls her eyes. “I’ll be back before midnight. I’ll just see him then.”

           “Alright, Cinderella.”

           She’s not back by midnight.

           Jiyong waits up expectantly, heart growing heavier and heavier with each minute that passes by. She’s never missed his birthday before. Never. Maybe that’s the exact moment his hatred for Siwon started, burning so bright and so intense it colors his every action around SJ’s boyfriend. Fuck, the word hurts to even think.

           So he just goes to bed.

           The clock glows 2:32 am when Jiyong feels his bed dip and slender arms wrap around his waist. He shifts around so he and SJ are face to face.

           “I’m-”

           Jiyong shakes his head. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

           SJ’s cheeks puff up. “I wasn’t going to.”

           “Oh?”

           “I was going to say: I’m all yours for the next twenty four hours. I know I’m a shitty friend for choosing the gala over you, but I’m not leaving your side again until this time tomorrow. You’ll be absolutely sick of me.”

           Jiyong hides his grin by pulling her into a tight hug. “God, you’re such a little punk. What the hell am I gonna do with you?”

           He can practically hear the smile in her voice. “Love me anyway?”

2013

           “What the fuck is this?” Jiyong pulls the blindfold down and looks around the bright white studio. His eyes immediately find SJ’s who simply smiles and gestures around her.

           “Ta da! It’s yours!”

           “What’s mine?”

           “This.” SJ skips around. “This whole place! You can use it as an art studio. I know you’re really into that lately and your apartment doesn’t really have enough room so… do you like it?”

           “Do I like it?” Jiyong looks around in awe. “I fucking love it.” He picks her up and spins her around, planting a kiss on her cheek as he lowers her back on the ground. “SJ, you’ve got a beautiful fucking soul, babe.”

           “I expect your first work to be for me.”

           “Oh, fuck yeah.”

2014

           SJ looks mildly upset. Okay, so, maybe Jiyong’s downplaying it a little. She looks absolutely devasted.

           “SooJin?” He gets no response. “Kitten?”

           SJ huffs. “Don’t call me that. I don’t deserve it.”

           “Why?”

           “I didn’t know what to get you this year,” she wails pathetically. “And when I finally found something Kiko mentioned you might think it’s dumb…”

           Jiyong can’t help but laugh. “SJ, I think you know me a little better than Kiko. What was it?”

           SJ bites her lips nervously. “Well…”

           “SJ. Show me. It’s my birthday present anyway.”

           She huffs in annoyance. “Fine.” She fishes through her bag and pulls out a little keychain. “I know it’s not much but I thought it was cute and reminded me of you. It’s a g dragon.”

           He runs his thumb over the tiny dragon, curving and twisting its body in a way that makes it look like a capital G. The laughter bubbles up in his chest, spilling out of him before he can repress it.

           “SJ, this is adorable. I love it.”

           SJ blushes, quietly saying, “I mean… I thought you would.”

2015

           “Sooo…” SJ threads her fingers between Jiyong’s and swings their arms as they walk through Times Square. “You know how I’m, like, the best gift giver ever?”

           “Yeah?”

           “Well, you might actually hate me this year.”

           “What? Why?”

           Instead of saying anything, SJ points up to one of the many, many screens above their heads. There, in all its neon glory, is single handedly the most embarrassing photograph Jiyong has ever seen of himself. He’s asleep, mouth wide open, stubble across his chin, and his eyes are half open. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE PRINCE accompanies the picture in bold while lettering.

           “You have five seconds,” Jiyong mutters.

           “Oh shit!” SJ doesn’t hesitate before taking off through the crowd. “Remember how much you love me!”

           “I’m going to kill you!”

2016

           Jiyong eyes the kitchen table with rapt interest. Every single Dragon Ball related movie or tv series sits in front of him, teasing him, begging him to just dive in. But he can’t. SJ made sure of that.

           “SJ, come on,” he whines. “This is my birthday! Why do I have to wait?”

           “Calm down you big baby. I’m almost done.” She hurries out of the bathroom and shoves a bunch of fabric in his arms. “Go change.”

           “Are these… matching pajamas?”

           “Yep! Now go!” SJ pushes him towards the bathroom so she can pop in the first dvd. He emerges from the bathroom not even a minute later, looking cute and cuddly and every bit the dork she knows he is.

           “Aww,” she coos. “Look at you.”

           Jiyong rolls his eyes and plops down on the couch. “I feel like I’m in one of your weird wet dreams.”

           “You wish. Now, are you ready to start from the very beginning?”

           Jiyong considers her words and feels vaguely sentimental. This really is starting from the beginning. The beginning of them. Or, uh, their friendship. Yeah, friendship.

           “I can feel you getting sappy on me, Kwon,” SJ teases.

           He clears his throat, picking his cat up off the floor and settling the tiny creature in his lap. “Play the damn dvd.”

           “Yes, sir.”

2017

           “Okay, so,” SJ sets a book down in front of Jiyong. It creates a heavy thud against the wooden table as she does so. “I can’t take full credit for this one. You’re mom helped me out with it and I’ve sort of had the idea for a couple years now. I figured with Kwon Jiyong being out now it’s an appropriate time to give it to you.”

           “Babe, you’re rambling.” Jiyong chuckles.

           SJ nods. “Right. Sorry.”

           “It’s cute.”

           “I’m not cute!” She shakes her head as if trying to keep herself on track. “Anyway, you’re mom had all of the pre-2009 photos. The rest of them are ones I had.”

           Jiyong starts flipping through the book. It’s red leather, his name embossed in gold lettering on the front. The whole thing is cool and smooth to the touch, each page painstakingly put together with effort and love. Most of the photos he’s seen before. Some of the more recent ones… well, those are new.

           “You took these?” He asks in pure awe.

           SJ nods. “I like candids. The ones where you aren’t looking. That’s my favorite.” She points to a photo of him onstage. The angle makes it seem like he’s larger than he is, more important than he is. He’s standing on his own but laughing at something going on off camera, smile stretching from ear to ear. In one of his hands is his mic. In the other is SJ’s own outstretched hand.

           Jiyong makes a promise to himself that night as SJ heads back to her own place that she’s never getting away from him. Ever.

2018

           “Hyung!” SJ pops out from behind Jiyong’s father with a gorgeous, blinding smile. “Happy birthday.”

           “Oh, SJ, really. Again with the hyung?” Jiyong’s mother scolds her half-heartedly.

           Dami laughs. “Careful, Mom. You’re scolding your future daughter-in-law.”

           “I’m aware.”

           SJ rolls her eyes before sitting herself firmly by Jiyong’s side. He almost can’t believe it. She looks so good. So healthy. Her skin is practically glowing and even without makeup she’s completely flawless. She’s gained some weight from touring, softening her curves and face. Her femininity is undeniable and Jiyong finds himself more attracted to her than ever. If this is the difference a few months can make he wonders what a whole year will bring.

           “I’ve got your present.” SJ pulls out a little box from her bag and pushes it across the table, the wrapping already partially coming off, but it’s fine and all the more endearing because it just means SJ did it herself.

Jiyong has to hide the grin on his face when he pulls out a silver bracelet, a bejeweled blue jay handing from the delicate chain. His heart melts when she fastens it around his wrist, her fingers lingering a second longer than necessary.

“So you won’t forget me,” she says with a shy smile.

Jiyong scoffs because what the fuck. How could he ever? “You’re full of it,” he answers with a smile that says everything he can’t quite yet

2019

           Life… doesn’t get better than this, Jiyong decides as he watches his father toss an arm around SJ and give her a quick side hug after she laughs particularly hard at one of his dumb jokes. His mother also watches them with a fondness in her eyes while Dami… well, Dami’s got her eyes on Jiyong.

           “When’s the wedding,” she leans over and whispers in his ear.

           It’s unbecoming of a soldier to blush but Jiyong can’t help how the tips of his ears burn bright pink. “Shut up.”

           “Has she given you your present yet?”

           “N-no.” Jiyong doesn’t like her tone or the teasing sparkle in her eye.

           Dami makes a shock sound. “Really? Allow me to wrap this up then.”

           “Dami, what are you-”

           “It’s been real, lil bro, but I think we should all be heading out. Right, Mom?”

           Jiyong’s mother (already aware SJ’s present is a little on the private side) responds in the affirmative after a moment of shock. “Oh, yes, I’m exhausted. How about you, dear?”

           Jiyong’s father shakes his head. “I’m fine.” His wife elbows him in the ribs. “I mean, yes, let’s go. I’m tired.”

           “We’ll see you tomorrow, love.” Jiyong’s mother gives him a quick peck on the cheek. “SooJin, sweetheart, why don’t you stay a while longer? We’ll meet you back at the hotel tonight.”

           “Not if it goes well,” Jiyong’s dad rumbles. He gives a hearty laugh when Dami shushes him dramatically.

           “Well that was…” Jiyong blinks in confusion. “Actually, I don’t know what that was.”

           “Cringe?” SJ offers the word up with an awkward laugh.

           He nods and silence settles. It’s strange. Usually things aren’t this tense and weird between them. Usually their silences are comfortable. Easy. Hardly noticeable. This one hangs heavy on Jiyong’s heart, convincing him he’s done something horribly, terribly, utterly wrong.

           “SJ-”

           He’s shocked when she moves from her spot across the restaurant table to sit right beside him. He’s even more shocked that she moves in closer, pressing her hands to his firm chest, openly admiring the hard muscles beneath her fingertips. This is out of character. SJ would never… would she? Is this why his parents were in such a rush to leave? To give them alone time?

           “What are you doing?” His voice is thick, barely audible, drowning in lust and confusion. “SJ… what’s going on?”

           Her eyes flicker up to his, deep pools of the most delicious chocolate. “I have a present for you.”

           She moves slowly like she’s scared of running him off. It’s slightly ridiculous in Jiyong’s opinion. The only place he has any intention of running to is straight towards her. Fully, openly, happily. When their lips meet he can’t hear anything but the sound of blood rushing in his ears, flooding a little further down south. Her lips fit against his perfectly. Like they were made for each other. He grips her hips and pulls her closer, throwing his everything into the kiss. This may be the only time he ever gets this, so why not make the most of it?

           “Jiyong,” SJ moans as she breaks the kiss. “I… just… look, listen to this later, okay?” She pats his front pocket where she slipped in a tiny USB drive during the kiss. “And happy birthday.”

           Later that night as he’s alone- blessedly, strangely, alone- he plugs the USB into his laptop. There’s only one music file available and he clicks on it instantly. The opening chords are soothing yet dramatic. He recognizes it as SJ’s work before her voice even starts up. He closes his eyes and for four minutes loses himself in the music. It’s not until the very end that he realizes.

           The song was his birthday present.

           The song was for him.

           Park “I can’t write love songs without outside help” SooJin composed and produced a whole love song for him.

           Jiyong’s head starts spinning. What does this mean? Where does it leave them? Instead of overthinking things he chooses to replay the song again and again until he blinks and the sun is peaking hazy over the horizon.

[megalony]

Family ties- Part 7

Here is the latest part of my dad! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone will enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) were single parents but they are trying to raise their kids together as one big family. Now they’re finally having a baby of their own, but that proves hard when there’s a problem with their baby.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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Tilting her head to rest on her arm, (Y/n) looked down into the crib that was finally set up at the end of the bed ready and waiting. She reached her free hand down, trailing her fingers over the old Disney blanket folded neatly and placed in one corner. She remembered Ben telling her that the blanket was Hugo's when he was a baby and then Cody's, now it could belong to their next boy.

Ben had finally managed to persuade (Y/n) that he had to get the crib set up after he tripped over the box and iht his knee on the end of the bed. She had to admit that it was better now it was all set up ready, and she could understand how Ben felt now. Seeing it there made her think of bringing their boy back home rather than worrying that he wouldn't be okay. Even if there was still a small part of her that wondered if they were setting themselves up for failure.

But things still didn't feel right.

They had had a long talk with the doctor the other week and (Y/n) got the answers she had wanted but it just wasn't sitting well with her. There was a lot that could go wrong and the more (Y/n) thought about how the operation might not work, all the infections he would be exposed to and the long recovery he would need, she wondered if this was going to even work. It felt like wishing he would pull through this was too much to ask.

The contractions had thankfully stopped not too long after the injections and they hadn't started again either. (Y/n) hadn't felt any movements other than him kicking which set both her and Ben's minds at ease, but she was still told to be on bed rest and to take it easy just to be safe.

(Y/n) was rather glad she didn't have to go to work and was now on maternity leave, she simply didn't have the energy or the will to go. It felt like she couldn't be bothered to do anything just recently, and when she couldn't sleep or didn't want to move, she found herself staring at the cot. It was some kind of beacon that provoked both good and bad thoughts. But now she could stay home with the kids and Ben now that he had cancelled the few other promotional days he had left. He didn't want to go away even for two days in case something happened and he needed to be here to help look after the kids anyway.

"You okay there?" Ben smiled gently as he entered the room, heading over to the crib so he could rest his arms on the opposite side to (Y/n), propping his chin on his arms as he locked eyes with her.

"Not long to wait, now." (Y/n) wrapped her hand around one of the small onesies laid out in the crib as her gaze stayed locked with Ben's. They only had just over a month left to wait but that was really only a couple more weeks and it seemed so close yet so far away at the same time. (Y/n) didn't know if she was happy about that or not.

The longer they had to wait for him to arrive, the safer he was because he was with (Y/n) and he was fine and protected where he was. The moment he was born he would be snatched from them and taken into surgery. As soon as he would be born, they would be at risk of losing him. But right here, right now, the chances of losing him were significantly less and he was okay. (Y/n) had a connection to him right now, she could feel him wriggling and kicking and his weight pushing onto her back and it was perfect because he was okay.

"Don't say that, he'll try and make another early appearance." Ben joked, casting his eyes down to her stomach for a brief moment before his eyes locked with her own again.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

Ben could see in her eyes that she was rather distant in her head and she looked beyond tired. He had been in the kind of mood before that she was now feeling, where she was awake and had gotten enough sleep but she just didn't feel like moving or doing anything. Even sitting and watching tv seemed too much effort and boring.

"I think so. His heart isn't damaged and it won't be when he's born... he should breathe fine and his heart will still beat." Ben didn't exactly know what she was referring to, whether she meant if he would be okay when he was born or during or after the operation. But Ben knew that their boy should be fine when he was born because none of his organs were damaged or not working, he would be able to breathe perfectly fine when he was born if he didn't arrive too early. And his heart was beating right now, despite it being in the wrong place, so there shouldn't be any reason why it wouldn't beat when he was born.

"What about after the operation?" (Y/n) didn't know what to think, she didn't have an opinion or speculation herself right now. Her head was all over the place so she wanted to know what Ben was thinking so she could set her own mind at rest.

"I'm not sure, sweetheart. He's not having a transplant, so I guess he should react okay to his heart being moved." Ben shrugged his shoulders before he pushed himself up and moved over so he was laying on the bed next to her. He rested his head at the end of the bed near to (Y/n)'s legs as she was sitting on the edge, still leaning against the crib but her head was now turned in his direction.

If their boy was going to have a transplant then Ben would be worried because he was a baby, his body might not have reacted well to a new organ. But he wasn't having his heart taken out or a new one put in, he was simply having his heart moved into the right place. No blood vessels would be cut open and reattached, they would just be switched around. His body should take well to it being in its natural position, but then again, with it developing where it was, his body might not react well.

"Will there be room?" (Y/n) rested both her hands on her stomach that she was now staring at, but her words confused Ben. He rested his hand on her thigh as he turned so he was laying on his side, his other hand propping up his head as his eyes bore into her own. What did she mean by that?

"Room for what?"

"His heart." (Y/n) let her eyes shift to look at Ben, but her eyes soon fell back to look at her stomach as if she had the ability to see into her womb and see the baby. "If his heart is on the outside, do you think there'd still be room inside for it?" (Y/n) knew Ben most likely wouldn't have the answer, but she had so many questions and thoughts rattling around in her head and she wanted to get them out into the open. Ben had been speculating lately as well so this was no different or new for the pair.

A quizzical look came over Ben's face as he pondered on her question that now had him thinking as well. If his heart was out of his ribcage and chest, then would there indeed be any room in his chest for it to be put where it should have been to begin with? His lungs were in the right place, but his chest could be smaller than usual or his lungs could be larger or moved around. If he had developed like this, then there might not be space for his heart to fit back in again.

"I didn't think about that. I'm sure it'll be okay, he'll grow anyway so his chest could grow to make his heart fit."

Moving around, Ben rested his head on (Y/n)'s lap so his face was level with her stomach. He pressed his temple gently against her stomach, moving his hands to rest with her own against her bump before he closed his eyes, tiredness washing over him.

(Y/n) moved one of her hands so she could slowly card her fingers through Ben's curls, brushing them back on his head which felt therapeutic to them both. Her eyes lifted to look at the tv that was quietly playing in the background but she couldn't focus or listen to whatever tv show was playing when she felt Ben mumbling something. It was clear that he wasn't talking to her, he was talking to the baby so she didn't try and tune in to listen to his words. But his actions did make her smile and make her feel somewhat relieved and better than before.

"Is daddy asleep?" Ellie whispered the words as she trotted into the room wearing her favourite Tigger pyjamas and her fluffy peach blanket draped around her shoulders. Her golden hair that was tied up in a small ponytail was scruffed with strands coming loose and hanging around her features since she had tossed around in bed, trying to get to sleep but failing.

"Yes." Ben mumbled quietly causing (Y/n) to roll her eyes with a smile, motioning for Ellie to come sit with them on the bed.

"No you're not daddy, what you doing?" Ellie planted herself on Ben's side, clambering onto him so she was fully laying on him which made him groan as he begrudgingly opened his eyes. He had found himself close to falling asleep then. Spinning himself around, Ben laid out on his back, unravelling his arms from (Y/n)'s frame so he could wrap them around Ellie instead who was laid on his chest with her face level with his own.

"Talking to your brother, now why aren't you asleep?"

Ellie's eyes drifted over to look at (Y/n) before she looked back at Ben, about to answer when something seemed to catch her eye or click in her head and she was suddenly thinking of something else.

"I thought mummy said I was sharing room with baby?" Ellie's head leaned to the side as her big doe eyes caught sight of the crib resting at the end of the bed. She remembered being told that she was going to have to share a room with her brother because they couldn't put all three boys together in one room.

"You will be in a while princess, but remember we said he's not going to be very well so for a while he's gonna share our room." Ben couldn't quite decipher Ellie's expression as she mulled over what he was saying. They had decided that if their boy was indeed okay and able to come home then they wanted him in their room for a few months. Just so they could make sure that he was really okay and to make it easier to tend to him during the nights. When they knew he was okay and got him into a better sleep routine then they would put him Ellie's room.

"Why can't me stay with you?" Ellie pouted, not understanding why she couldn't be the one to share a room with her parents. She had asked repeatedly if she could stay in their room and share their room and every time they said no she had a small tantrum. They let Ellie sleep in their bed with them a lot but they couldn't let her stay with them every night because they couldn't sleep amazingly well when she was with them.

Ellie tended to move around a lot and normally ended up sleeping either sprawled out in the middle of at the end of the bed.

"Because you're a big girl and you have your own room, this is our room. Your brother's only going to be in here for a while because he won't be very well, you always stay with us when you're not well."

"But-"

"No, princess, it's not a debate. Come on, let's get you to bed." Ben shook his head before he pushed himself so he was sitting up. He wasn't having this conversation with Ellie again because he didn't want her crying or getting mad when she needed to go back to bed. He couldn't have her waking up Cody either when the younger boy had only just gotten to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, now this isn't anything to worry or get upset about, but for the next month, things are gonna be a bit different around here." Ben wore a calming smile to try and make sure all three kids didn't start to panic or get worried because he and (Y/n) weren't about to tell them any bad news. They just needed to explain that in a few days, (Y/n) was going to have to go to the hospital.

They were coming up to the eight-month of the pregnancy and with (Y/n) already having had very early contractions, it was a possibility that she could go into labour soon. The hospital had said it would be better if she went in now for observation so that if anything happened or she went into labour, then she would already be there and could be seen to and helped quickly. (Y/n) didn't want to have to go and she especially didn't want to leave the kids but at the same time, it was going to be better because she and Ben wouldn't be panicking every day that something was wrong or that she could go into labour soon.

"What do you mean?" Hugo leaned his head to the side as he frowned, unsure what Ben was talking about.

Ben looked at (Y/n) who was sitting between his legs on the armchair, both of them knowing the moment they mentioned the word hospital either of the boys were going to be worried.

"I've got to go to the hospital for a while, so I won't be here for a few weeks. But you'll all still be able to come see me and your dad will still be here." (Y/n) felt Ben's hand running up and down her stomach as he leaned his chin on his right hand as his elbow was resting on the arm of the chair. He was slouched just a little so he could see the kids properly but still have (Y/n) pulled close, leaning against his chest.

"Are you okay?" Hugo's chocolate eyes were engulfed with worry and looked like they were going to gloss over with tears at any given moment. His eyes burned into (Y/n)'s so much so that she felt the need to look away or even cry under his intense gaze.

His words did nothing to help Cody and Ellie either who suddenly looked extremely panicked which was not a good sign with Cody. If he got upset or he felt unsettled then he was liable to start hyperventilating or shouting and getting upset and neither of those were things they wanted to happen. It took a lot to get Cody to calm down just recently.

"Honey, I'm fine I promise-"

"Then why are you going to hospital?" Hugo didn't even give her a chance to finish as his mind was going into overload. He didn't want anything to be wrong, he wouldn't know what to do or think if (Y/n) said she was ill. He didn't want her to go, he wanted everything to stay the way it was now with (Y/n) and Ben both home and okay, even if he had noticed his dad being more protective around (Y/n).

"Buddy, calm down." Ben gave Hugo a certain look to try and get him to just take a breath because if Hugo started getting angry or panicking then Ben wasn't letting him stay in here with the other two. He wasn't having Cody getting upset or Ellie sitting in confusion like when they told them all they were expecting a baby because it wasn't fair. "Your mum's fine and the doctors are going to make sure she stays that way I swear."

"W-why you g..going?" Cody started to scratch at his hands that were tightly clasped together in his lap which was a sign he was trying to stay calm. "Because the baby isn't very well, so we need the doctors to make sure he's okay and make him better."

"I'm gonna take your mum to the hospital on Monday after you've gone to school but I'll take you all to see her after school and I'll still be home with you. Your nan is gonna come down and help out here and look after you if I stay at the hospital overnight with your mum. It's not for long and you're all still going to see us both."

Ben's mum had kindly offered to help out when and if needed such as taking or picking the kids up from school so Ben could still go to the hospital and be with (Y/n) and he was going to take the kids almost every day to see her. They both already knew that he was planning on staying over at the hospital with her and (Y/n) knew there was no way she could persuade him otherwise so his mum had said if he ever did that she would mind the kids. It was only for a month or even less, depending on when the baby was born.

"So when he's born you'll come back, right?" Hugo still had a rather wary look on his face as if he didn't believe that (Y/n) was going to come back when the baby was born.

"I'll be there for a few days afterwards, but yeah I'll come home then. It's not for long and it's just to make sure that the baby will be okay, I'm not sick honey."  When Hugo nodded (Y/n) felt a small sense of relief because he wasn't suddenly panicking that she was leaving him or thinking that she and Ben were splitting up or that she was ill. She didn't want any of the kids being scared and thinking that something was wrong with (Y/n) because no matter what happened with the baby, (Y/n) was going to be okay and she was going to be coming home.

"Buddy, when your brother's born... it's not gonna be easy, me and your mum won't be bringing him straight home you know." Ben didn't want the kids to think that as soon as the baby was born, both parents would come straight home and everything would be normal again.

"But you'll be coming straight home won't you... dad?"

"You all know the baby isn't very well right now, when he's born he's going to be staying at the hospital because they need to look after him. Me and your mum are gonna have to be there a lot to make sure he's okay, we won't be staying there but we're not gonna be home a lot for a while. It's only while they look after him and we will be here, but you might have to have your nan look after you a bit more."

Ben couldn't lie to them, he couldn't act as if he was going to be here all the time because he wasn't. If their boy managed to pull through the operation then he and (Y/n) were going to be at the hospital a lot to check on his progress and make sure he was okay and getting better. They would have a lot of appointments with the doctor until they could finally bring him home and even then he would need a lot of checkups and monitoring.

If the baby didn't pull through Ben and (Y/n) were still going to need time to come to terms with that and think about a funeral and how to move on from that point. Either way, it wasn't going to be easy and nothing was going to be the same as it was right now.

"Why isn't he okay?" Ellie frowned, wondering what was so bad that her baby brother was going to have to be at the hospital for a long time by the sound of it.

"His heart isn't very well so the doctors need to fix it." There was no other way (Y/n) could word it so that Ellie would understand. She was never going to wrap her small mind around the fact that his heart wasn't in his chest like hers was, nor would she understand an operation that would put it back in the right place again.

"That's not fair, you're gonna leave us here and go off to be with him. I told you that you'd love him more-"

Hugo didn't shout but his tone was broken and it was clear that he thought the clear lack of attention he and his siblings were going to get automatically meant that Ben and (Y/n) thought more of the new baby than them. He thought that they were going to be pushed to the sidelines so that both parents could focus on their new arrival but that wasn't the case at all.

"Hugo, don't do this. We have never said we love one of you more than the other, we don't have favourites you know that. If you were sick in the hospital, would you want us to leave you there alone?" Hugo sighed, hanging his head down as he pouted, refusing to answer because he knew his answer would be no.

If he was in the hospital he would want at least one parent with him at all times so he knew he was going to be okay, he would never want to be left alone if he wasn't well.

"No, you wouldn't. We can't leave your brother there on his own if he isn't well, you can't be mad at us for that buddy. We don't have the time to be with you three and with him all the time so we'll try and be with you as much as we can and be with your brother. We're not abandoning any of you, we're just trying to make sure he'll be okay."

They didn't have the time or the power to be in two places at once and they simply couldn't equally divide their time to be with the three of them and then be with the baby at the hospital. There weren't enough hours in the day to do that and they needed to sleep in between all of that. They would be with the kids when they could and be at the hospital to make sure that if anything happened they were there.

They loved all their kids, but right now they had to make sure the baby was okay.