#I do think it’s a poc thing but would love to be proven wrong

[oldcurse]

went to New Mexico with 3 other people. They all came back with 0 bug bites. I came back with at least 200. I want to know if there’s more of us so:

[dimplyowl]

😩 one of the main things I see about Izzy and why he’s an innocent little lamb who has done nothing wrong is that he’s got a lot of internalized homophobia going on, as well as issues with toxic masculinity. And yeah, OFMD is all about taking those toxic societal expectations and telling them to shove themselves up their asses. And I think having a character who has those internalized feelings and who holds onto them until being proven that they’re wrong is an interesting character arc. Growth is a great thing! We love to see it!

The problem comes when people use those characteristics as excuses for any of izzys bad behaviors, as if they give him a free pass to do whatever he wants to do. But that’s not how these things work. The problem I have with Izzy’s character arc in s2 is that he doesn’t do anything to make reparations until his deathbed apology to Ed. He just kind of…continues to be there, ignoring Ed, letting the crew extend kindness to him and still not really engaging until Calypso’s Birthday.

You know who has done some really shitty things and does actually work toward making reparations? Ed. And that’s another thing I see a lot of Izzy fans say: that gb people give Ed a free pass for everything he did because of his childhood and his trauma and his self hatred and broken heart. But babes, when we talk about these issues, you’re misunderstanding why we’re talking about them. I obviously can’t speak for all Ed fans, but the majority of us aren’t listing these issues as excuses, we’re naming them as reasons for his behavior. So we can understand why he feels the way he feels and did the things he did.

I am fully aware that he did some really shitty things to people who care about him and who he cares about. I acknowledge that. I also know why he did them. And knowing why doesn’t make it okay. It helps me understand him more, and to know that he wasn’t doing them because he enjoyed them and, most importantly, that they’re things he regrets doing. That’s obvious throughout the entirety of eps4-6, in his hesitance to return to the ship, in agreeing to wear a burlap sack and allowing Lucius to push him over the ship, in taking time to actually listen to fang about his own experiences during the kraken era. It’s part of the entire reason they have a party, it’s part of turning poison into positivity. Ed doesn’t have great apology skills. His “apology” speech was definitely lacking as far as our modern standards are concerned. That’s fine. Those aren’t natural skills to have, they’re learned, and he never really had the opportunity to learn them. But you can see that he wants to, and he’s trying and he’s learning, and that’s the most important thing.

Izzy doesn’t do that shit. In season 1 he uses his position of power to bully the crew, to go against Ed’s orders (his captains orders; that’s essentially mutiny right there); he loses and turns his captain and a ship full of queer and poc to the cops; he then becomes captain and it takes less than a day for the crew to mutiny on him because he’s a fucking asshole and no one wants to work for him; and to top it all off, he tells his boss—his friend, supposedly, his depressed and already established to be suicidal friend—that he would be better off dead than be like he is.

Where are his attempts at reparation? Where does he turn around and say “yeah calling the cops on you was fucking horrible and I shouldn’t have done it” or “I shouldn’t have said those things when you were already struggling” or “I’m sorry for taking advantage of my power and using it to bully and abuse my employees and another captain’s crew.”? He doesn’t do any of that. He doesn’t even try.

Internalized homophobia doesn’t make intimidating your gay subordinate or calling your friend a “namby pamby in a silk dressing gown” okay. Toxic masculinity doesn’t make repeatedly insulting someone for having traditionally feminine traits and interests okay. Doing those kinds of things can never be okay. But recognizing these as faults and actively working to improve yourself and grow and apologize to the people you’ve hurt and try to make things better does make it more likely for the people who care about you to forgive you.

[taketheringtolohac]

predictions for what i believe is the inevitable rocky horror broadway revival next year for the 50th anniversary of the film bc i need to do this:

either stunt cast frank (tired) or Known Broadway Name as frank. my money is on J Harrison Ghee-- and i want to see it! they would actually be quite good in the role! this will be the productions #diversity moment

though would not be shocked if the only darker skinned person on the cast was magenta in a classic broadway only casting dark skinned poc in roles that arent romantic or are literal maids and people who are tragic and unconnected to the rest of the cast blunder (think: eponine style)

could very easily see either unknown brad and janets or famous actor brad unknown janet. if they cast ben platt. i will be kicking down some doors. but also they wont cast him bc brad actually isnt a very Star Power role given the fact that his one song is very unknown and also sucks so bad (though i wouldnt count it out). this is despite the fact that i think that the role of brad and janet is so well suited to be unknowns.

eddie will be a stunt cast because it's easy, and so will the criminologist, though i wouldnt be shocked if crim wasnt.

riff raff will be played by a rock singer potentially also very famous. look the way that broadway has been trending i am not too hopeful that this wont be one of those star studded cast that doesnt really mesh type things (real ones know what im talking about).

OR they will invoke demons and recast reeve carney as riff raff. he will not be any better this time

its going to be played tongue in cheek we know this is campy isnt this plot so stupid as opposed to taking the show seriously for what it is and the reasons people love it

they're not going to rewrite anything and get cancelled by 15 year olds and terminally online queer discoursers

despite everything, the show will be good, but it will leave you feeling like something was off on the account of it just feeling a little soulless (read: stunt casting focus) but a good night

outside props will be banned from the theater except for the two that they will make you pay for as an extra fee

there will be at least one minor breakaway star from an unknown they cast in the show who is nominated for a tony but doesnt win (possibly the magenta actress)

it'll be on broadway for a slightly less than a year, but no longer than 13 months

the set is also going to be awesome. they're going to make a really cool lab set with lots of gadgets to fuck around with and

the costumes are unfortunately going to miss the mark and be simultaneously uninspired and perhaps TOO inspired by something they really should not be inspired by. the phantom costumes will be a disaster, but everyone else's will be serviceable. if they dont give frank a floor show change i WILL be deeply upset.

overall, i think this will be another example of a show with good performances and set pieces that trick audiences into thinking its a good show, though i desperately want to be proven wrong. but we'll see! hopefully they actually bring the show back next year im sure SOMEONE has thought of a way of bringing it its just a question of will it carry through. i will be sad if it doesnt happen.

[aroace-cat-lady]

so uhhhh ahhh long rant incoming sorry~

I'm sure you're aware of this whole Matty situation...

I just need to say that I cannot support Taylor after this, for me, this is absolutely where I draw the line. Personally, I believe that knowingly dating a bigot, a racist for example - this is someone who has unashamedly admitted to watching racist torture p**n, imagine how twisted you have to be to do such a thing - it automatically means that you are also racist, because, as per *my* definition of racism, racism doesn't have to be outright saying racial slurs and actively harassing poc, I definitely classify this indifference and condoning of bigotry as racism too. You *cannot* claim to be an activist and proceed to associate yourself with someone who is against everything you apparently stand for, unless it is of course, purely performative and somewhat for your own benefit. You cannot seriously claim you stand with people of colour, trans people, jewish people, muslims, every marginalised group basically, yet associate yourself with someone who clearly doesn't??

I understand some people are conflicted, I mean so was I for perhaps an hour after it was confirmed, it is hard when someone who you might idolise, who you believed would advocate for you is actually incredibly apathetic, and who has proven that countless times but especially this time, that they didn't truly mean what they claimed... But how can one not draw the line at bigotry? You can't just shrug it off by saying "I love her but this is wr-" that means nothing, you can't seriously call her out for something and say you love her in the same sentence, does that even count as holding her accountable? Equally bad are those who are "looking the other way" so you simply just don't want to hold her accountable and then be held accountable yourself for not doing so.

Additionally, if you're going to date a literal bigot, and you are aware of the colossal platform and influence you hold, why would you do it publicly- oh and with a fanbase obviously including the groups said bigot has openly discriminated against?

Unfortunately, the main responses I've seen to this situation are: swifties who idolise taylor to an unhealthy extent attempting to defend and condone even matty's actions, the performative activists who pretend they care but continue to talk about how much they adore her and basically just shrug it off, those who are fully aware its wrong and look the other way, and the literal minority who hold her accountable. Oh, said minority's feelings tend to be dismissed and invalidated and belittled by the former 3 groups. Oh, and also, said minority is primarily poc. hmmm.

Something particularly annoying that people are doing is attempting to making this about misogyny when it quite obviously isn't ("ofc you guys are blaming a woman for a man's actions"). I swear, I have seen not one person who has even implied that Taylor is to blame for Matty's actions. We are holding them both accountable because they are both shitty. Matty is unquestionably worse, but does that mean Taylor shouldn't be held accountable? Really? People saying this either... have zero understanding of the situation OR just don't want to hold her accountable and want to *out-woke* us or something and I think most of them are guilty of the latter

btw you don't have to comment on this or anything idk I'm just upset lrpekfos;rjdlgi

Oh I'm commenting don't worry about that

Just!!! Ugh!!!

I'm so. Outraged. And disgusted. He's just another privilege white guy who doesn't care at all about making fun or offending ppl that are different from him and that doesn't even try to understand or respect them. He's the worst brand of white bread out there.

And most white fans are being so awful about this. Oh you're just making it about yourself oh she's just not thinking oh he's not that bad oh I actually think he's becoming a better person because of her. Shut up. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.

I really don't know how to feel about Taylor right now. Like, all I can think about now is how a lot of ppl have said for years she's racist cuz she has never toured on latam. How there's literally no explanation for that. And I ignore all of that cuz, dude, it's Taylor??? She's one of the few ppl that actually try.

But. Is she?? Cuz she isn't trying a lot right now. She apparently doesn't care. Sure, she stands for human rights and say Vote Blue!! and all that, but at the end she doesn't seem to think that being racist antisemitic islamophibic etcetc count as a red flag.

I just hate feeling like this. I've always respected and admired Taylor, but I really just can't respect her right now. But I don't seem able to pull away from her.

I mean, I literally love her songs so much I learned a second fucking language thanks to her. My relationship with my sister got a lot better because of her music. I've met incredible ppl because I started blogging about her.

I guess I'm so disappointed and kind of heartbroken right now. Like, I got this feeling of you didn't just betrayed me, you betrayed all of us and, worst of all, you betrayed yourself

It's just a lot.

[babsvibes]

What are your favorite tropes? What are your least favorite tropes? I CAN DO IT, TOO, YOU KNOW!

Lmao you got me there 😭💕 Most of them are romance tropes because what can I say. Am slut for romcom 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Love love love

Bickering like an old married couple

Unnaturally intelligent pets that enact the will of god (read: the author doesn’t want them together yet, so the dog has to warm up to a character before they’ll let them anywhere near another character. Or a cat that hates everyone doesn’t hate This person)

Trapped in an elevator/snowed in/forced proximity

Denial. Any form of it. All day. Every day.

“I know you. The good and the bad. And I want it all.”

Jealousy/Possessive behavior

Idk the word for this but when two enemies grow closer while one of them is disguised. Yes like in Megamind

Not using first names except in Very Intimate Moments

Pirates. Monsters. Idk, not together but they seemed like they belonged on the same line

Belligerent sexual tension (slap-slap-kiss)

Exploration of morally gray or nuanced ethics

Stealing clothes

Loooove so much the concept of running away and its many iterations, which really is just a form of denial now that I think about it

The “oh no he’s hot” moment, which I enjoy more than an italicized “oh” moment

No Thanks (maybe I can do them in specific settings like if my friends write these, but I’ll probably never write one)

Arranged marriage where there’s no way out of it

Public humiliation as a punishment for wrongdoing

Whump fic, especially if things just Keep Happening to a character that has no agency of their own

I call it “Rebel Character in Oppressive Situation is Always Wrong.” Just any time I’m reading and a systemically under-served/POC/woman/queer character is consistently losing or being proven wrong without a win to balance it out… Blegh, throw it back

Unplanned pregnancy when it wasn’t the original plot. Like a “18 chapters in and suddenly she wakes up nauseous” situation. (although I don’t mind a “one night stand, time skip five years, gasp a secret kid the dad didn’t know about??” Pregnancy itself is just not for me)

Enemies 👏 that 👏 stop 👏 the 👏 banter 👏 after 👏 getting 👏 together 👏 will 👏 make 👏 me 👏delete 👏 a 👏 bookmark 👏 “I know you held a knife up to my neck once but now you’re my cuddly sweetie pie honey bear who could do no wrong” go to hell.

Miscommunication where it’s like “Character A is trying to say something but Character B won’t let them get a word in edge wise, so Character A gives up even though one (1) sentence would clear up the whole mess.”

[enaraism]

winter wonderland

summary: a certain bookstore clerk helps peter come to a conclusion about winter.

a/n: bye i cant believe i finally wrote something hhfhffb Dying rn. my writing's a little Crusty so please bear with me!! and this is my first ever fic so i'd appreciate reblogs and comments! ^_^

content: bookstore!au, she/they pronouns used, fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers?? kinda?? poc!reader (it's only mentioned briefly and can cater to all poc, but white ppl can also read it), third person and no y/n used bc i cant get myself to write it that way. cliché?

word count: 1.3k

(also i added the peter parker x black!reader tag bc i think this fic caters to all poc, but let me know if i was wrong for doing that and i'll remove it, thanks!)

masterlist navigation

»»————-　　 ♡︎ ————-««

peter parker had never really liked winter. sure, the snow was pretty. but that's really where the pros of winter ended and gave way to the countless amount of cons — like weaving hurriedly through the busy streets of new york with the cold, biting, wind thrashing against him, with bits of snow stuck sporadically in his dishevelled hair, and with a nose so red that he could easily be mistaken for one of those cartoon-ish reindeer — but none of that mattered. none of that could dull the fuzzy, fluttery, warmth in his chest that bubbled just from the thought of seeing her.

the bell above the door of his favourite bookstore (the only bookstore he goes to, really) chimed and welcomed him in, but not more than the smile that lit up her face when she spotted him. and suddenly he was smiling too, his lips curling up in a lopsided grin and cheeks heating up even more.

"there you are! i was beginning to wonder when my favourite customer would show up." they beamed, and leaned on the counter with both of their hands. peter found himself rendered momentarily speechless by the way her hair framed her face angelically, some strands sticking up messily due to long hours spent working on the minimum wage job that being a bookstore clerk is, and by the way their honeyed skin seemed to almost glow gold under the warm-toned lighting of the homely store, and oh shit, he's been silent for too lon—

"favourite customer?" he managed to let out breathlessly at the last second when he finally registered her words, a warm blush coating his cheeks at the thought of him taking up enough space in her heart to be her favourite customer. her favourite customer??? lord help him before he falls over.

and he thought he couldn't possibly be more affected by them than he already was, but of course he was proven wrong when he suddenly felt weak at the knees at her giggle (because he was red and wide-eyed just because they had called him their favourite customer and it was so fucking adorable she felt as though she might just combust), because holy shit --he's so whipped. he hasn't felt this way since gwen, and though normally the thought of her name would have him choking on a sob, this time he just felt giddy at the prospect of feeling that way again — at feeling love again.

"what can i say? you have quite the effect on me, parker, if i do say so myself," she winked teasingly, and he couldn't help the loud laugh that escaped his throat at the phrase she always managed to use for comical effect.

and he had the perfect reply to that, which he knew would make her laugh yet again so he could marvel at the way the corners of their eyes crinkled, but god decided he had gotten enough luck for today and sent in the devil himself (a nice enough middle-aged man who just wanted to buy his chosen books and make his merry way home) to cockblock him.

he smiled and shrugged in response to the apologetic look she sent his way before beginning to address the customer, and peter decided to walk around the library looking for, and successfully finding, the thing he came for in the first place.

the six of crows book. bingo.

he grabbed it excitedly, flicking through the pages and reading the summary at the back of the cover, not really caring about the contents of the book but wanting to know enough to not look like an absolute buffoon infront of them.

he waited for a minute or two after he heard the chime of the door bell again, announcing Satan's departure, and then casually made his way back to the counter.

"hi!" he said a little too excitedly, cringing internally at himself because god, he was such a sap.

"hi." she replied, the corners of her mouth tilting up again which made him forget all about his inner turmoil, because their lips were covered in the prettiest gloss and all he wanted to do was kiss her until all of it was smudged and he had his fair share of lipgloss on his lips, too.

he remembered suddenly from the expentant raise of her brows that he wasn't here to just stand and gape at them, and awkwardly stumbled on his words.

"oh- uh, i wanted to buy this," he set the book on the counter in between them and watched as their eyes widened.

"six of crows!" she started excitedly and he almost crooned at her reaction because even if he had expected it, it still caught him off-guard — because his imagination could never do justice to the way her eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store.

"that's my favourite book—" he knew, he was guilty of using his spidey senses to overhear a conversation between her and her friend about it, that's why he chose to buy it in the first place — "dude, oh my god, it's so good. i finished it in 3 days. and like, the plot is amazing in itself but when you add an angsty, mutual pining romance to it? it's literal art."

"angsty, mutual-pining romance?" he inquired, not just because he wanted to hear her ramble on animatedly, but also because he was genuinely interested in what she had to say. how could he not? she had this way of making even the most boring of subjects seem interesting with their mannerisms.

"oh god, please don't ask me about kanej. i won't be able to stop talking." they chuckled and scrunched up their face, and peter thought he might just die from the sheer intensity of the way that pulled on his heartstrings.

"well, i am a very good listener, if i do say so myself," he echoed her previous quip, which was more of an inside joke between them now, and watched as she bursted out in a loud laugh which turned even louder when he bowed theatrically for dramatic effect.

"okay, no, for realsies, if i start talking about kanej then i'll most definitely end up giving you many spoilers and i don't want to ruin it for you," she paused, uncertainty and hesitance creeping up on her and peter was confused as to why before they continued on, "but... i can give you my number and you can text me when you're done so we can talk?"

...

oh.

OH.

HOLY SHIT???;);!

"orr not! sorry, i didn't mean to make you uncomforta-"

"no, no! you could never make me uncomfortable! i don't think i've ever felt more comfortable around anyone else, actually. and i'd love to get your number! to talk to you — i mean. uh. about the book." he finished sheepishly, the initial burst of energy he got from knowing that she wanted to give him her number slowly dying down as he realised how much he had rambled on.

"okay," she said after trying to bite back a smile and nodding, and held out her hand expectantly. after a little fumbling around, peter got a hold of his phone and handed it to her, watching as she typed down her number and called herself from his phone (her ringtone was the cutest song?? he had to search up the lyrics after he went back home) so that she now had his number, too.

and he'd be lying if he said his heart didn't skip a beat when their fingers brushed together as they returned his phone to him, the touch feeling exactly like the prickling sense of electricity and more, which only intensified when he heard how fast her heart was beating (thank you, spidey senses) because my fucking god, she might like him too.

she waved him goodbye as he stepped back out into the icy january cold, the door bell chiming once again behind him, albeit cheerfully this time, almost as if it were congratulating him.

peter parker had never really liked winter, but he concluded that as long as he had her to warm him up, he might just learn to tolerate it.

[pogueswrld]

*•.¸♡ perpetual booms ♡¸.•*

pairing: jj maybank x fem!muslim!Arab! reader

summary: moving out of New York seemed to be a good idea to y/n's parents, thinking that moving to a small island was much better and safer after the incident. She was proven wrong anyway.

warnings: language, school shooting, death, unresolved trauma, spiraling mental health, mentions of a hot shower (I think that categorizes under self harm?? Idk), fear of loud noises, panic attack, mutual pinning, jj likes reader and he's not ashamed to admit it, 'I wish you were sober' moment, 'who did this to you' trope, the pouges being completely oblivious to reader's trauma and jj apologizing for triggering her. unedited :)

note: okay so I made this with an incredibly detailed idea of the reader but please feel free to adjust it to whichever way you want, it can also be poc!reader cuz I never mentioned reader looks but don't pm me telling me that you don't like the idea or the writing of it or the concept overall I really dgaf what you think :) anyway!! this was kinda intense 🧍‍♀️ HELP I WROTE SOME SCENES THEN I GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY.... smfh

This whole thing was inspired by the movie 'the fallout' I 100% recommend watching.I am grateful to have never experiencing a school shooting seeing that I am not American but if I portray anything wrongfully please tell me, I would love to be educated on the matter :)

The weather was the first indicator of how the day would go, with the sun completely gone from the sky are massive clouds floating about carrying forming water droplets, y/n knew she was going to have her mood bummed out.

First of all, it was windy. Which meant she was going to have to wear a cotton hijab and a shitton of bobby pins to secure it in place. Secondly, she's probably going to have to walk to school, which is awful as it is.

With a sigh, she walks away from the window in her bedroom, making sure the curtains cover the glass before changing into her outfit for the day.

She was wearing a long-sleeved black turtle neck and matching cargo pants, an ivy green button-up over the long-sleeve shirt to cover her chest and she made sure to tuck the ends of her hijab into the shirt and use bobby pins to secure it to her clothes just to make sure it doesn't get in the way── or so people don't try to tug it off her head.

She wears silver jewelry to add a simple touch to her look before grabbing her bag and making it down the stairs to meet up with her parents in the kitchen.

They seemed to be in a rush, and that was all the confirmation she needed about walking to school.

"Morning," Her mother greeted her, she too was in her hijab, and she looked like an older version of y/n. She sips on her coffee as y/n father smiles at his daughter, "Ready to go?"

y/n hums, grabbing a vegan energy bar from the cabinet before stashing it in her bag. "Will one of you be driving me?" she already knew the answer, but she didn't want them to worry.

Her mother tilts her head apologetically, "I'm so sorry sweetheart, I got this deal with a landlord on a house off the coast and let's just hope everything goes smoothly." she rolls her eyes, y/n had no doubt it's the same guy that claimed her mother tried to 'burn down the house' he had put up for sale, ridiculous.

"Dad?" she tried not to sound too hopeful, but her voice betrays her. "Sorry kid, I gotta drive your mom to her office and get to work, we're already running late 'cause she doesn't want to finish the damn coffee."

Y/n shakes her head and giggles at their banter, then she's pressing a kiss to their cheeks before heading out the door. "Do you have your pepper spray on you?" Her mother calls out just as she reaches the door, "Yes, I also have my teaser. I'm gonna be fine mom, I promise. Love you!"

"Love you too! Be careful."

────────────────────────────

y/n was scared shitless. It was like all the civilians of New York choose today to go out and about like it's not six am on a damned Tuesday.

One of the main things the hijabi girl dispised about living in America, in general, was the fact that she's unable to walk down the street without feeling a stranger's eyes pour into her figure, either in curious stares or hateful glares, it didn't matter.

She manages to keep to herself though, her eyes never making eye contact and always looking sharp. She never stopped for anything and didn't check her phone as it dings with notifications from her friends. She couldn't afford the luxury of walking freely like everyone else.

Another thing y/n hated was school. She genuinely believed that she was better off without and the only reason she was attending in the first place is just to see her friends. That's kind of sad but it's the truth, she's never been allowed to see them anywhere other than school. It's one of her parents' many, many rules.

Her shoulders relax when the educational building comes to view and she hurries towards the entrance, eager to get off the dangerous New York streets.

She's twenty minutes early to the first class bell, so she makes it to her locker and pulls out the notebooks and textbooks she would need for her first three classes, it makes it a lot easier for her this way, she gets to spend more time with her friends and less time roaming the halls by herself.

When she closes her locker a familiar friendly face meets her with a grin and she had to gasp to bite down a squeal of surprise. Her best friend, Viola, laughs loudly and shamelessly at her and y/n rolls her eyes at her. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that!"

"You still make that face!" the brunette girl cackles and y/n breathes a light chuckle, her hand slightly nudging Viola's shoulder in a teasing matter.

"So, what are you doing later today?" Viola asks as she pulls on her bag's straps and y/n sends her an exaggerated stare, "Really?" Viola purses her lips and holds back another laugh, "Right. Okay well, how about this? I come over tonight and we can study for that chemistry quiz coming up next Friday, yeah?"

y/n only shrugs, "Sure, why not?" the girls share a brief hug before separating ways to their assigned classes, promising to meet in between classes to walk to their next shared class.

────────────────────────────

y/n hated it when classes dragged on, and she hated it even more when the teacher kept repeating the same part of the lesson over and over again. She felt like her head was about to explode from boredom.

With a deep silent sigh, the girl pressed on her black pen and sketched a little spider web to the top corner of the textbook's page, she was so focused on it that when the paper that rested on her table came into view, it took her completely by surprise.

Her head shot up to the general direction it came from and her eyes met those of Avron Blake, the captain of the athlete team, and he smiles at her with a slight wave of his hand. She doesn't respond, only glances back down to the paper and sees her name written on it in awful handwriting.

Her hand clutches around the piece of paper, crumbling it into her fists and she brings it below the table, she quickly opens it and her eyes scan the words and then she's quickly crumbling it back into a ball and stashing it within the drawer in her desk.

You got my homework?

She doesn't meet his eyes for the rest of the period, and when the bell rings she's bolting out of the class before he manages to corner her or catch up with her.

Y/n had no recollection of ever agreeing to do Avron Blake's homework for him, so she guesses that Viola got in trouble with him again and she promised him that y/n would do his homework for him. Even though Viola never told her about that.

she sees her best friend by her locker and she's pursing her lips at her with a mean glare, "You told Avron I'd be doing his homework for him?" realization quickly flashes behind Viola's eyes followed by guilt, "Oh my God, did he talk to you? Y/n I am so sorry-"

"You can't keep doing this Viola!" y/n groaned, her eyes repeatedly glancing down the corridor to see if Avron or his group of jocks would chase her down or not. "I know, I'm sorry! I didn't tell you about it because I did his homework, I just wasn't expecting him to actually talk to you about it." Viola holds up a stack of four or so pages in her hand as she smiles apologetically at her best friend.

Still pouting, y/n shakes her head at the girl. "Whatever, give it to him before he comes back hunting my ass down for this shit."

"Yes ma'am."

Viola walks down the corridor and y/n rolls her eyes, then she's going through her bag as she heads for her second class of the day.

She pauses outside the cafeteria door when she realizes her physics notebook is not in her bag and y/n squeezes her eyes shut in annoyance before sending a silent curse in Viola's name. Throwing her head back in an exaggerated sigh, the girl looks into the cafeteria to catch glimpses of kids who are already in their spare classes. A slight twinge of jealousy erupts through her and y/n presses her lips together into a thin line.

Then she hears it, right from within the room, she was looking into right now. A loud bang echoes through the halls and everyone freezes for a moment, "What the fuck was that?" it was a simple question passed between them, and then another bang erupts and someone starts screaming somewhere.

The confusion that filled her was quick to wash off when y/n realizes just exactly what it was. There was a guy in the cafeteria, and he was holding up a gun. He repeatedly pulled at the trigger and she could see the kids flying out the doors as some others bled on the floor. Her mind raced and her body froze, but as the kids pushed out of the door in front of her, she was encouraged to run down the same corridor she just came through.

Remembering that Viola was also walking down this exact hall, y/n's face paled. She frantically looks around and calls out for her best friend, but then another bang comes from somewhere nearer. Except for the ones at the cafeteria never stopped.

Her heart stops when she realizes; there was more than one guy.

The reality of the situation was extremely difficult to grasp, and y/n struggled to breathe as an injured kid crawled back to the hall she stood in in hopes of hiding from his murderer. Tears roll down her face as her entire body trembled and a soft clank from the door beside her made her jump.

The shots from the hallway grow closer and y/n was certain this was her end. She was going to die here, in school, in the hallway, at the hands of a boy that couldn't possibly be any older than she was. But her body moves quickly as it jitters, and it pulls open the door to the room before pulling it closed behind her. She made sure to close it as quietly as possible and then click the lock on it.

Whoever she was stuck with now was going to have to bare her broken-down presence.

When she looks behind her at her hiding spot companion, y/n almost wishes she never came in. But then the thought disappears as quickly as it forms because a choked sob makes it out of her throat and she muffles it with her hand.

It was Viola, on the floor, with tears running down her face and her hands holding onto her torso, her clothes and floor and body covered with the crimson liquid that once gave her life, now draining her of it.

"Oh, my God? oh my God. Oh God- Viola?" Her voice represents the state of her mind and body, it felt like the whole building was shaking, but it was actually just y/n's entire body. From her wobbling legs to her heaving gasping chest, the teenager swallows whatever noise threatens to come out of her throat as she kneels beside her best friend, the girl that stood beside her through thick and thin, her best friend. Her only friend.

She has no idea what to do. As her mind blanks out and every rational thought escapes her, y/n is left to cradle the girl and whisper sweet lies into her forehead as the shots ceased and the screams quieten, until sirens fill the air and orders were given.

y/n keeps a hold on Viola as they get pulled out of the room and into safety, she keeps a hold on her best friend as people in blue try to talk to her, as the warm welcome embrace of her mother and father engulfs her and tries to soothe her, but it didn't matter.

It didn't matter because y/n had witnessed the life in her best friend's eyes disappear as she lay in her arms, her ears still ringing from the gunfire and horrifying screams of kids dying or being shot at left and right, of the gasps and cries of Viola as she took her last breathes.

y/n got so overwhelmed that nothing mattered anymore.

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Whatever happened after she was pulled out of the janitor's closet was a complete blur to y/n, she doesn't remember being separated from Viola, she doesn't remember anyone trying to talk to her, she doesn't remember her mother's relieved cries or her father's thankful's embrace. She doesn't remember making it home or getting clean off the blood that was stuck to her like a second skin, but she does remember laying in bed, staring at the ceiling of her bedroom as everything came crashing down onto her like waves of anguish, one furious roll after another pushing her under.

Her chest clenches and she wants to scream, she wants to cry and hyperventilate and tear out her hair, she wants to cut through his throat and pull the gun's trigger, making him feel exactly what her best friend felt in her last moments of this earth beside her, in her arms.

Instead, she lays awake at night, the familiarity of her sheets itching disgustingly at her skin but she doesn't move, she lets the uncomfortableness sink within her as a single tear rolls down the side of her face.

Her mind was hazy, still unable to completely process the traumatic events inflicted upon her when Viola's mother came knocking at their door two weeks later. She was broken. An absolute wreck as she did her best to put words together that meant an invitation for her family to attend Viola's funeral and memorial.

When her mother told her about it, y/n blinked at her. And it was the first emotion she's seen in her daughter in three days. Her mother almost burst into tears right there, but the quiver of y/n lip told her that this wasn't the time for her feelings, it was a chance for her daughter to display some of her own.

"Y/N? Sweetheart, are you alright?"

Suddenly realizing that Viola, —sweet, radiant, lively, lovely Viola— is dead had y/n glancing down at her hands. It's like she can still feel the dried blood on her hands, damping her clothes, she can still hear her silent cries and dying gasps, she can feel her warmth disappear and her heart freezing.

y/n's chest is heaving and her mother is near tears again, she sits beside her daughter and pulls her closer to her chest as she cries and sobs through the night.

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y/n wishes she could say that attending Viola's funeral gave her some sort of closure, but if anything it fueled her already distraught state.

She stood beside Viola's mother, giving hugs to condolence women and shaking the hands of absolute strangers, people sympathizing with the family and sending pitty stares to the girl in the hijab after learning that the girl in the coffin died in her arms.

It was hell, absolute torture, and when she was offered the chance to leave and go home, y/n didn't hesitate.

Sitting at the dinner table with her parents couldn't be more awkward, not like she even noticed. They share worrisome glances with each other as y/n pushes her food around her plate absentmindedly, and when she was tired of it, she gets up to seclude herself in her room.

They don't move, they don't speak, they just hold hands and pray that their daughter will find a way to come back to them somehow, someday.

The shower water was burning, steam flowing in the bathroom and fogging up the mirror, y/n doesn't seem to notice, or maybe she does but she chooses to ignore it. She's sitting on the ground, her knees pressed to her chest as best as she could, the hot droplets meeting her bare back causing her skin to turn a painful red, but she doesn't mind it.

She's grown accustomed to the emptiness within her, within her chest and her mind, the four walls of her bedroom are all she's comfortable with and she realizes that every time she leaves the front door of her house, there's a silent prayer leaving her lips, one that she repeats at least five times a day with each Salah.

She's fully aware that this isn't something praying would fix, it's not something she can manifest away, so she was stuck in this repetitive loop of feeling everything, crying, then immediately going numb.

It was better than feeling absolutely nothing all of the time.

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A few days later, y/n knew something was up with her parents when all they did was share glances and drink their coffee in silence.

They were generous enough to allow her to not go back to school immediately, but she knew it was coming up eventually. It had already almost been a month and the only time she ever left the house was when she was taking out the trash or for Viola's funeral. Every day other than that was spent in her bedroom.

She puts down her mug of fresh juice and folds her arms, "What is it?" she asks, her arm movement causing the hijab thrown carelessly over her head to expose a bit of her tied-up hair. She pulls the fabric over her head again and keeps a steady stare at her parents, her face completely emotionless.

Her mother was the first to open her mouth then close it, then open it again. "Your dad and I have been thinking—"

"No. I'm not going back to school."

Her dad shakes his head, "No of course not honey, that's not what we wanted to talk to you about." He glances at her mother and gives her a meaningful stare and she sighs, placing her mug on the table.

"Your father and I wanted to tell you that we... Are moving."

The news didn't seem to faze her, she simply blinked and furrowed her eyebrows, "To where?"

y/n's mother holds her daughter's shoulders and smiles softly at her, "Remember that deal I told you about? With the mean landlord?"

The teenager hums and her mother grins, "I got it and we bought it, it's a little house, perfect for the three of us, away from New York. What do you think?"

The girl shrugs, "Okay but where?"

"On a little island in North Carolina, Outer Banks. Life seems to be pretty cheap there and you get to be away from... All of this mess." his finger carelessly points at their house.

Very aware of the fact that she doesn't really have much of a choice as they've already made up their minds and started preparing for the move, y/n nods. She tries to pass it off as a happy nod, but truly she feels nothing, she just wants to give them a bit of peace of mind.

She had another nightmare that night, except it was one of the shootings instead of Viola this time. Her heart hammered within her chest as her lungs begged her to breathe, her hand slamming against her mouth to muffle whatever screams wanted to escape her to not wake up her parents as tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.

Nightmares were a reoccurring event but it was completely out of y/n's control, so all she could be go to bed and pray that she makes it through the night without having to scream or better yet, not have to wake up at all.

At least in this dream, she wasn't the one left to the very end to die.

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Outer Banks was so much different than New York, y/n's first giveaway was the humid weather that caused her to wheeze with each step she took further into the island.

The house her mother managed to get for them was small, it was built more like a cabinet, with three bedrooms and a bathroom, a kitchen, and a small living room. It was very different than the large two-story house she's lived in New York, but it'll have to do.

The bedroom her parents assigned for her was already furnished, with a soft earth colors theme and a white bed, y/n presses her lips together when she realizes that it doesn't make a difference to her.

It's truly upsetting, she wished she was more excited, she wished she was at least a bit upset that her desk wasn't the same color as the shelves on her wall, she wished she was embarrassed about the stuffed animals decorating her bed, but she really felt nothing at all.

Putting on a forced, fake smile, the girl walks back out to her parents and gives them the most enthusiastic thumbs-up she could master.

Another thing she's been so off about is hugging or touching anyone, especially those she cares about. She hasn't been able to bring herself to hug or leave a kiss to either one of her parents so she settled on distant approval.

"Can I check out the beach?" It was right in front of the house, y/n counts it as a perk. New York didn't have beaches, and this gives her the perfect opportunity to wear a silk hijab and a head cover underneath it.

The request took her parents by surprise and they were nodding at her, almost pleadingly, and she smiles at them.

She doesn't bother to change out of her clothes, simply pulling on her shoes before walking out and heading towards the warm sand and massive waves heading towards the shore before her house.

It was beautiful. The sun was out and about, sending waves of warmth and calm to everyone it came across, the waves of the ocean gathered as it neared the shore and then crashed down onto the sand, rising towards the girl but barely touching her bare toes.

She takes a deep breath and the scent of salty water and beach floods her senses, for the first time in weeks, an emotion passes through her. It makes her gasp and snaps her closed eyes open, then she's taking another deep breath and letting it come back.

Calm. She was calm and stress-free exactly where she was. In here there was no shooting, and there was no death. In here she can pretend that she's on the phone with Viola and the girl was talking about her newest obsession, she can pretend that her life wasn't so plain and that she wasn't so trauma inflicted.

But then there's the anxiously loud sound of laughter, and her happy little bubble is bursting. She opens her eyes and glares at the group of teenagers that walk past her. Three boys, one girl. They're all shirtless, and the girl is in a bikini. Suddenly y/n is reminded that she doesn't belong here, or anywhere for that matter.

Her oversized clothing looked like they were about to devour her, and still clad in black she was. Nothing colorful felt right at the moment, so she settled into whatever called for her. Black.

Her eyes snap away from them when the blonde boy catches her staring at them. He mutters something to his friends and they all laugh, they all turn towards her and she wishes she could disappear.

They don't approach her, but they're fully aware of the fact that she was still watching them. They talk harshly to one another for a minute, then the boys are rushing into the water to chase a wave with their boards.

She doesn't pay them much attention as her eyes are diverted toward a little crab walking the length of the beach.

She's almost tempted to reach out for the sea creature, letting its club at her hand, but she pulls her feet towards her when he passes by her and she watches it walk away.

"Hey," a voice calls out and y/n looks up to the source, it's the brunette girl. She presses her lips together and gives her a short, quick wave. She wasn't in the mood to talk.

The girl doesn't seem to get that as she approaches her, her eyes squinting against the sunlight and her skin glows a golden brown. "I'm Kie."

Feeling extremely awkward, the hijabi girl smiles at her. "y/n."

"It's nice to meet you, y/n." with furrowed eyebrows, y/n tries not to make this interaction any weirder than it has to be. "Nice to meet you too?"

Finally picking up on the uncomfortableness in the air, Kie points at the boys in the water. "They saw you staring earlier and wanted to impress you," She laughs and y/n's cheeks flush, suddenly her neck and ear heat up and she chokes on a forced laugh, "Um- okay? I'm sorry, I'm not really interested. They seem good though."

Kie nods and takes a seat beside the girl but purposefully giving her space, she glances at the blonde boy riding a wave and points at him with her chin. "That's JJ, he's the best surfer in Outer Banks."

y/n follows her eyes sight and finds the boy with the golden locks on the water, he's bent over as he balances himself on his board and rides out a large wave.

"He's pretty." Kie laughs, "Yeah he thinks he's pretty too." and y/n chuckles.

She doesn't notice, but this is the first time she's laughed since the shooting, and it makes her heart warm.

Kie keeps her eyes on the girl, then she's tilting her head. "Are you new around here? I don't think I've ever seen you around these parts before."

y/n nods, her bottom lip caught between her teeth nervously, "Yeah, my family and I moved her just this morning."

"Really? Where from?"

"New York." y/n cringes and Kie's eyes widen, "New York?! That's awesome. I've never seen a New Yorker before, that must be so cool."

A hesitant chuckle escapes y/n, "I'm not- I'm not from New York, I just moved here from there."

A soft 'oh' leaves Kie, "Where are you from?"

"Uhh, Middle East. It's somewhere between Europe, Asia, and Africa. Like right in the middle." Kie grins at the girl, suddenly a million times interested in her. "That's so cool, why'd you move to America? It's not the best country in the world."

y/n shrugs, "Parents got job offers, it be like that sometimes."

It was silent for a moment, then Kie scrambles off and y/n pressed her lips together, frustrated with herself. Great, she thinks to herself, can't even make friends anymore.

"Dr. Pepper or Pepsi?"

her head shoots up to meet the curly-haired girl's eyes and she smiles a genuine smile, her chest warms and her shoulder relax.

Maybe moving out of New York wasn't a bad idea after all.

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The temperature outside was hot as hell, so y/n was forced into some light-colored clothes to relieve her of the heat. She wore a short-sleeved beige t-shirt with a brown striped flannel on top and beige pants that tightened her waist and ankles. She matched her silk brown hijab with them and pulled on her vans.

She would have successfully managed to leave the house without getting yelled at had she not tried to grab her purse from the living room.

"y/n?!" her mother's voice called for her from deep in the living room, she walks in with wide unreadable eyes, and y/n cringed into herself, "Yes?"

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To meet up with a friend?" she would hardly call Kiara a friend, more like the only person she knows on this whole island, but she'd do whatever just to leave these confining walls.

Her mother hesitates for a moment, "You've made a friend already?"

With raised eyebrows and pursed lips, y/n nods. "Mhm, we met just the other day. On the beach. She's invited me for lunch so," She points a thumb at the door behind her as she slowly steps towards it, sneakily trying to leave her mother's grasp before she tells her that she's not allowed to leave at all but what she does surprises her.

Her mother asks her to wait then she's rushing into her room, then she comes back a few minutes later with her wallet. y/n's eyebrows almost hide in her hijab from how high they've risen as her mother places a hundred-dollar bill in her hand. "Have fun and please be careful."

She doesn't reply, only turns around and rushes out the door. She feared if she stayed a moment longer she might break down and cancel leaving altogether.

Kiara didn't actually invite her for lunch, but she told her to meet up with her in a seafood restaurant. y/n didn't question her, seizing whatever opportunity thrown at her to leave her house.

It wasn't difficult to find Heyward's, seeing as it is literally the only restaurant on the island that provided seafood to the people. The smell of fish, both raw and cooking, invaded her nose and she almost gagged.

Her eyes scanned the crowd and settled on the head of tied-up curls, Kiara notices her presence and calls out for her to join her. Except she wasn't alone.

y/n walks over to her table, both her hands clutching to the strap of her purse as she pressed her lips together and gave a short-lived awkward wave to the boys manspreading on their chairs. She wasn't comfortable, not even a little bit.

Kiara stands up, "Hey, uhh— these are my friends! You know JJ," she points slightly at the shagged haired blonde boy who raised his eyebrows in surprise at his friend's statement, then she points to the other two. "That's John B and Pope."

John B had a backward cap on his head and an overused shirt on his body, and Pope wore a navy blue shirt with a light blue flannel on top. He sends her a soft wave with a welcoming smile and it puts her at ease, just for a moment.

"What's with the..." JJ trails off as he points to her hijab, his eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion and Kiara widens her eyes at him dramatically, "JJ!" she turns to y/n, "I am so sorry, please ignore him."

y/n chuckles silently, "It's okay, it's my hijab, does it bother you?"

JJ shrugs carelessly and shakes his head, "No it's just weird."

"You're weird." she turns to her friend, "I told my mom I'm having lunch with you so I guess you're stuck with me for the rest of the day." she smiles sheepishly and Kiara, "That's totally fine, my parents are at work today so it's just gonna be the two of us."

"Can I join?" JJ pipes up and both girls turn to him with sharp eyes, "No." he jumps back slightly and blinks at them once, "Jeez, fine. No need to be so aggressive about it."

y/n rolls her eyes at him and grabs a chair from a nearby table and sets it right next to Kiara, making sure to put a noticeable distance between herself and Pope.

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Being friends with Kiara and her 'pogue' friends was so much fun y/n realized, she's been spending a lot less time at home huddled by her parents and more with Kiara, either by the beach or near John B's house.

y/n made it crystal clear she wasn't going to his house with them under any circumstances, no matter how hard they tried to sway her, she had her feet planted.

They respected that enough to spend time with her by the lake where their boat was. The pouges spent most of their time drinking beer and getting high while y/n sat a bit away with her favorite soda and a bag of fries. It was the next best thing.

She couldn't mingle with them, and she couldn't risk the smell of alcohol and weed getting stuck on her which would eventually lead to her parents believing that she was going down the wrong road and hanging out around the wrong crowd.

She was getting better mentally, her desire to spend all day in bed was slimming as her need to disappear was barely making an appearance in her head. She didn't want to face her parents, and the idea of going back to school kept her awake at night, but at least her nightmares weren't as intense as they used to be.

It's been weeks and school ended, summer break gracing everyone with its presence but it was passing rather quickly. y/n had managed to spend a few days in the beach water while the rest of her days were spent in Kara's house or by John B's.

The light difference about tonight is the fact that she was, indeed, in John B's backyard. How'd she ended up here? Kiara dragged her.

The boys told them that the drinks container was broken which meant that their beers and her sodas were going to be hot by the time they get to the lake, so they were forced to go to John B's Cheatu.

"Ayyee," the tanned brunette greeted the girls with a wide grin, "Bienvenido a mi casa!"

y/n pretended to cringe at him, "Your Spanish is horrible," she let out a breathy giggle, leaning on the door frame as they settled in the living room. "Where's the soda you dragged me all the way over here for?"

John B's house was an absolute mess, the living room was trashed with clothes, cans, beer bottles, and leftover food packages.

Not wanting to be rude, y/n diverted her gaze to the boys taking up all the space around the room; JJ lay on the couch, leaving zero room for anyone else, Kiara sat on an armchair while John B and Pope shared the other couch.

John B raised his arms exaggeratedly, "Oh come on y/n! Stay a little while, would it really hurt?"

She raises her eyebrows, "The fact that I'm in a dude's house without an adult's supervision? Yeah actually, it would."

Kara's shoulders dropped at her gloomy mood, "Oh y/n, please? We'll tell your parents you've been with me the entire time and that you're safe."

"That won't bring them peace of mind, Kie. They will hunt me down and keep me in the house for the rest of my life, are you ready for that?"

She shares a look with JJ and he sends her a pointed glance, a silent conversation passing between them. "That will happen if they find out, which they don't have to." The mere suggestion almost made y/n turn around and leave altogether, "You want me to lie to my parents?"

It was JJ the turned to her with surprise, "You don't lie to your parents?"

"No! Of course not, because if I do they won't trust me, and if they don't trust me then I'm grounded for the rest of my life over inconvenient shit."

Pope was nodding in understanding and Kiara walked up to her, holding her hands, "I promise you won't be grounded. I promise you, okay? I'll beg your parents if I have to but stay a while, y/n. You're so hard on yourself with these things, it's literally nothing."

She had her reasons, but they wouldn't understand because they weren't raised the same way she was, she knew that. And she knew she should plant her feet and turn around and walk home, but as she glanced outside and noticed the setting sun, a shiver ran down her spine. y/n faced Kiara and nodded hesitantly.

She'd have to call her dad to pick her up in an hour's time.

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It wasn't as bad as she thought she'd be, they gathered in the Cheatu's backyard when she agreed to stay, and that's where they lit a fire and shared jokes and tales. John B opened up to her about his missing father and Pope talked to her about his desired academic future which she related to on many levels.

It's funny, she really wanted to have a bright future but the mere thought of going back to school made everything that would come after it ridiculous and totally not worth it.

She never told him that of course, she didn't tell any of them anything, and maybe she should've, but she really couldn't bring herself to even think about that day nor care enough to let them know about it.

Maybe she should've focused more on her surroundings but after the long conversation with Pope, y/n started feeling tired so she pulled out her phone and texted her parents if they were free to pick her up from a 'friend's gathering', her father was the one to reply and ask her for the location.

When she looked up from her phone, trying to seem unsuspecting, she noticed just how close JJ sat to her, his blue eyes unblinking as he stared at her, his beer long forgotten but she can still smell it on him.

Her relationship with JJ was a strange one, although she kept her distance most of the time, it didn't stop her from joining their conversation or flirting with him specifically.

And even though he flirted back with her, she always made sure to let him know that they were all simply just friends and they could never be anything more.

It never stopped him from trying though.

She raises a single brow at him with a smirk pulling at her lips, she sinks deeper into her chair and leans her head on the edge of the chair, "Whatcha starin' at Maybank?"

He shrugs, "You." She hums, "Do you like what you see?" He nods shamelessly and heat rises up her neck to her cheeks, she prays it's dark enough to cover it. She removes her eyes from his, too busy trying to bite back a smile to keep eye contact with him.

"I like you, y/n." the words caused her to bark a laugh, "Woah there, you don't even know me JJ." He shrugs, "I know some things about you, and I'd like to get to know you better if you'd let me."

"And if I don't let you?" He shrugs again, "I'd still try to get to know you." y/n fakes a gasp, "Without my consent? That says a lot about JJ." He almost rolls his eyes but smiles at her, "I like the way you say my name."

Not saying a word, y/n realizes that this isn't really him, that's the alcohol boost in him. She presses her lips together and sighs as she gets up, her hand almost reaches out for him but she holds back, eventually, she lets her fingertips brush against his shoulder as she walks away.

"Get some sleep JJ."

Her words, along with feeling her touch for the first time, sober him enough to stare after her retreating figure, JJ furrows his eyebrows with parted lips at the realization of his fast-beating heart. He blinks once, twice, three times then turns to his friends. They're all busy chatter between them about something he couldn't bring himself to get invested in so instead he sinks into his chair and rests his head on the edge of it, repeating the girl in the hijab's actions, he releases a breath into the night.

"Holy shit y/n."

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She almost did get grounded for staying at the Cheatu but when she brought up Kiara's presence, all was forgiven. Her father told her that if she ever did want to go back there, Kiara would have to be with her at all times.

She agreed of course, which is how she ended up at the Cheatu this afternoon. It was a few days after her interaction with JJ and the blonde boy doesn't seem to even remember it happening, it stung just a but what was she really expecting? A seemingly perfect American blonde boy to be actually interested in her? A dream. Nothing more nothing less.

She called Kiara and told her that she was at the Cheatu, waiting for them. Kiara informed her that she, Pope, and John B would be running just a bit late because Pope's father insisted that he finishes his chores before tagging along. She let them be, of course, telling her that she'll be waiting for them when they get back.

She wanders around the Cheatu, checking every room, and admiring the mess. John B's was a bit more put together than the guest room she'd grown to learn that it belonged to JJ most of the time. She never really knew why JJ spent most of his time at the Cheatu and she didn't bother to think too much about it, instead, she continues on her way and pauses in front of Big John's office door. Not wanting to invade her friend's privacy, y/n turns around and walks out to the backyard.

She hears the roar of an engine and her head shoots up in surprise and worry, Kiara said they'd be home late so there shouldn't be anyone here yet.

She gets up and walks towards the house but hides beside the door, glancing inside, y/n holds back a gasp at the sight of JJ walking in with a limp in his step and groans spilling off his lips as he lays on his couch. One of his hands rests on his ribs while the other slightly caress his bruising cheekbone.

Recognizing that she is in no danger, y/n opens the screen door and stares at JJ with concern, "JJ what the hell?"

At the sound of her voice, JJ jumps. He looks at her with surprise and then groans when another wave of pain washes over him. She's quick to react, her hands reaching out to him and gently pushing him back down on the couch.

He's beyond surprised, and he keeps glancing between her hands on his skin and her face confused, concerned face. "Who did this to you, Jay? Did you get in a fight with someone?" He doesn't reply, he can't, not with the way she pulls up his shirt and inspects the damage done to his ribs. Her fingertips trace the blueish-purple bruising and he hisses, she goes to pull away her hand but he's quick to hold it.

She gulped when she realizes he was holding her hand, then she meets his eyes and he was smiling at her ever so slightly, "You touched me," he stated matter-of-factly, "Because you're hurt, why are you hurt JJ?"

He ignores her question completely and repeats himself. With a sigh, y/n pushes herself away from him and walks deeper into the house. For a moment JJ thinks he might have fucked up and scared her away, but then she walks back in with a first aid kit and his heart runs with the wind.

She's cursing under her breath in a language he doesn't understand, and she forces him to stay still as she cleans off the blood of the cuts on his lips and forehead, then she proceeds to put a bandaid on them and try her best to ease the pain in his bruises, but she was no nurse and all she could offer was pain killers and pray he didn't break anything.

He sits up beside her and she's got her arms folded, still staring at him with a stoic face. "You're gonna tell me what caused this?"

He shrugs then winces, "My dad." he says simply and she presses her lips together, she doesn't need any more explanations, this was more than enough. Then she feels bad about asking in the first place and she's apologizing. "It's fine, you didn't know."

It was silent for a moment, then he's grinning at her like a fool, "You touched me." knowing she was never going to hear the end of it, y/n gets out of the couch and sits in the armchair across from him, "Don't flatter yourself Maybank."

He leans back and keeps his grin in place, "I meant what I said, you know," her heart almost skips a beat but she keeps her stare steady on him, "When I said I like you, I meant it. I do like you, and I would love to get to know you."

She shakes her head, "To what end?"

"What?" He asks, confused.

"To what end? I let you get to know me, and then what?"

He takes a moment to think about it, "What do you want?"

"I can't have what I want, not with you at least." It hurt the both of them, for her to say that and for him to hear it, but it was necessary. She knew he needed to hear this before he got any ideas before he got bolder with her before he thought about doing anything.

But what y/n didn't know about JJ, is that he's one stubborn man. "Why not?"

She scoffs, "Because, we're different, we're too different. Knowing guys like you, you wouldn't dare try to change yourself for me JJ, and I wouldn't ask you to because I wouldn't change myself for you either. That in itself should be enough."

He stares at her, unmoving and without a word, and when the engine of John B's car rings in their ears, JJ shrugs, "You don't know that."

────────────────────────────

The school was less than a month away and y/n was trying to come up with multiple different excuses to not attend the first week but so far she's come up empty, she knows her parents know she's going to try to talk them into not letting her go but they have their reasons ready too.

You've been doing so good, I think you'll be alright, you're being dramatic, it won't happen again, and you'll be fine.

She wasn't going to be alright, and she wasn't doing fine. She's been ignoring the dulling ache by making new friendships and filling her time with pointless tasks to not think about anything from before Outer Banks.

It was Viola's eighteenth birthday and y/n couldn't bring herself to leave her bed, not after receiving her first notification for the day saying 'it's Viola's s birthday! Make sure to say hello <3', the reminder she made a couple years ago making her curse her entire existence and wish it to go away.

Kiara tried calling her but she simply asked her to leave her alone, politely telling her that she hasn't been feeling well and that she will be spending her day indoors today. Kie understood of course, and she let the hijabi girl have her space.

JJ thought it was his fault, that what he said had pushed her away and it was his doings that causes her to not hang out with them today, especially since she's been looking forward to this boat ride for a while now.

By noon, y/n was barely holding it together. She sat on her bed with her knees pressed to her chest and her phone was across from her, her eyes glaring at it like it might go up in flames and it will save her the pain of going into Viola's contact and risk scrolling through their conversations.

She almost tears up at the idea, she's forgotten the last text she sent to her best friend before she died. It was the day of the shooting and y/n couldn't bring herself to open the app for days after, not until she received a text from Kie.

She almost burst into tears at the thought of texting her dead best friend happy birthday but she doesn't, instead, she rolls to the side and buries herself under her covers. For now, that's the best she could do.

────────────────────────────

Kiara called her later that evening inviting her to a keg party on the beach that John B was hosting, pulling the 'you're gonna be with me and the boys and I promise it's gonna make you feel so much better' card, she couldn't deny her because she needed something to get her mind off of today, so she dresses up in black jeans, short-sleeved navy t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, matching her black hijab with them.

The location of the party was close, so y/n had no trouble walking to it. By now she's learned all there is to know about living in Outer Banks, how she and the pogues lived on Th Cut side of the island while the richer people were living on the other side, Figure Eight.

She was able to hear the loud music playing up ahead, but then she pauses when the party comes to view. She didn't expect it to bother her so much, but seeing the huge amount of teenagers at the place, made her skin crawl with the urge to turn around and run.

And maybe she would've done exactly that, had it not been for Kiara and John B to call out for her. She groans silently and smiles at them, Kiara was quick to hug her and the smell of beer and alcohol overflowed her nose making her almost gag, "I'm so glad you were able to make it! I'm so sorry about the alcohol, do you want a Dr. Pepper? JJ got you some."

Another wave of the urge to run out of there washes over her at his name and her eyes immediately meet his, he shows her the red drink in his hand and she smiles at him gently. "Thanks."

She was restless, from sipping at her drink to keeping her eyes on all the people around her, making sure to not stand too close to drunken boys and walk away when a girl with a joint walked her way and she jumped every time the kids around her cheered 'drink! drink! drink! drink!' at some guy that wanted to get wasted.

Kie notices and pulls her away from the crowd, "Hey, are you sure you're okay?" y/n chews at her bottom lip and nods, "Mhm, like I said, haven't really been feeling myself." Kie didn't believe her, but she frowns anyway. "Do you want me to walk you back home? You can totally leave if you want."

"No it's fine, I'll leave when I'm ready to go, don't worry."

Before she gets to reply, loud cheers wave through the crowd and they've pulled away from their conversation, their attention focusing back on the party they both gasp when some rich dude had John B by his head in the water, drowning him.

Kiara was quick to run towards them, yelling and begging Topper to let John B go, then she was trying to yell at his girlfriend to let him go, y/n just stood aside as her chest tightened and her body started to shiver, her eyes watered and her body froze.

Suddenly she's not at the beach in Outer Banks anymore, she's standing in the hallway. The cheers around her weren't shouts of encouragement to finish a fight, they were screams of horror and fear.

Her chest closes up her throat and tears prick at her eyes, her vision glosses over and her hearing fades. For a moment, she thinks she might faint, but then a loud, painfully familiar bang goes out and she gasps. One gasp and she's falling apart.

A scream tips off her lips and she's scrambling to get away from the violence, if it was in her head or in front of her she didn't know, she couldn't tell. But all she saw was JJ with a gun pointed somewhere and his fingers repeatedly pulling at the trigger.

Her throat was raw, scratched from her screams of absolute terror and deeply struck trauma. She tries to get away from him, from everyone, tries to crawl away unsuccessfully and then a pair of slender arms pull around her and keep her close, Kie's voice asking her what's wrong and telling her that it was alright barely makes it through the fog around her mind.

Her screams stop, but her trembling and tears don't. Kie helps her up to her feet, barely, and walks her towards the Twinkie. She helps her settle in the very back of it as her chest heaves and gasps leave her, her chest tightens on her and she tries to tell the brunette that she can't breathe.

But then JJ comes in view and she almost screams again, almost tries to crawl away from him, the image of him with a gun burning very vividly in her mind but her throat is too raw, in too much pain to allow her to do that so she whimpers and cries some more.

"What the hell happened back there?" Kie was shouting at JJ, scolding him as Pope tried to drive reasonably fast to the Cheatu, trying to keep their friend alive and well. "What's happening to her?" JJ completely ignores Kie and asks about y/n.

"She's having a panic attack because some fucking dumbass shot a fucking gun right next to her!"

Another whimper and Kiara wraps her arms around her, her tight hold brings her enough comfort to calm down as Pope and JJ make sure that John B was alive and well and warm within the walls of his home.

When her breathing got back to normal, when she felt like her heart wasn't seizing within her chest, y/n told Kiara to go check on John B as she is unsure if she was even able to walk right now. Kie hesitated, not certain y/n was even in the right mindset to be left alone, but then JJ comes into the van and tells her that he will be looking after the girl.

When Kiara leaves, y/n almost calls out for her and begs her to stay, but she doesn't. Instead, she pulls her legs closer to her body and avoids eye contact with the blonde boy across from her, she's fully aware of the horrible state her hijab is in and how it's probably showing a few strands of hair, but she couldn't bring herself to care at the moment.

"Are you okay?"

She breaks down at the question, tears immediately pool in her eyes and she couldn't help the single broken sob that left her, JJ doesn't hesitate in his action. He takes Kiara's place beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, gently bringing her closer to his body for a hug and allowing her to cry on his shoulder.

She knows she shouldn't do this, she knows she shouldn't let him touch her, but his arm was only on her shoulders, he didn't dare rub her back, he didn't dare try to remove her hijab, he just kept a gentle hold on her as she cried onto his shoulders. He gave her the chance to pull away if she wanted to, and she didn't.

Her hands gripped his t-shirt, she tried to calm down and not cry too much, thinking it might make her look like a child or a whiny crybaby. She pulls away after pulling herself together and covers her face with her hands, "Can you please turn around for a minute?" her voice is hoarse and dry, he nods and quickly gives her his back, giving her all the privacy she needed to undo her hijab and redo it.

"Thank you." he took it as his cue to turn back around, he also copied her position by pulling his knees up to his chest and he didn't even have to ask for her to know what was roaming his mind.

She sees the question in his eyes and she asks him one of her own, "Why did you—" she choked on words, then she takes a deep breath and tries again, but he's already replying. "We found a sunk boat this morning, we found a hotel key inside and we checked out the room. There was a safe with some money inside and the gun, I took them."

His trust in her was eerie, but she appreciated it. "Why did you have it on you at the party?"

He glances down, almost ashamed, "I couldn't just leave it at the Cheatu, I didn't mean to actually use it, I'm so sorry for scaring you."

The reality of the situation almost drowns her, "You had a gun, at a party full of teenagers. JJ what- what did you even want to do with that?!" she almost starts crying again, but she brushes away a stray tear frustratingly.

"I know you think this is bad—"

"Think?! It is bad! It's horrible and terrifying and heartbreaking," she snaps, "And it's even worse because you've probably never held a firearm a day in your life and you just went swinging it at a high school party!"

JJ knows better than to reply, he knows her frustration and panic at his actions from deeper within so he stays quiet and listens to every word she has to say.

"What if—" she cuts herself off, the image of a dying Viola in her arms invades her mind and attacks her, causing another wave of tears to pool at her lashline. "What if you accidentally shot someone? You know you could go to jail for that right?"

His jaw clenches, "Topper was drowning John B, what did you expect me to do?"

"Tackle him to the ground or something! Don't fucking shoot a gun at kids!"

JJ remains silent, and the silence almost kills her. A few minutes pass and he sighs, "Why did you move to Outer Banks, y/n?"

"What?"

"We asked you once why'd you move to Outer Banks and you said 'circumstances led us here', why did you move to Outer Banks?"

She stares at him, blinking repeatedly, wondering if he was playing tricks on her or if he was actually genuine with his question. She decides that it doesn't actually matter, "There was a shooting at my school," JJ was taken aback, he wasn't really sure what to expect, but it wasn't that. "I lost my best friend," remembering what day it was caused a tear to roll down her cheek, "She died in my arms because a guy with a gun decided to shoot at some kids."

He was apologizing before she even finished her sentence, JJ couldn't believe something so horrible happened to the girl that laughed at his sex jokes and helped patch him up after a fight with his dad. She seemed too pure to see such darkness, and he was beyond sorry for being the reason that darkness came loaming over her again.

He was tempted to hold her again, but the way she cradled herself told him that she wouldn't let him, so he settled on sitting across from her, continuous apologies tumbling off his rosy lips.

"JJ," his name with her voice pauses him, and he looks up at her with those gorgeous icy eyes. She sees it in his orbs, how truly sorry he was, how awful he felt, and it makes her feel bad for the way she reacted, although she's fully aware that it wasn't something she was able to control at the moment. "You didn't know, it wasn't your fault. I just hope you don't carry a gun around where you went."

He nods quickly, "I won't." y/n stares at him, trying to read his face or his body language, then she notices him hesitating. She tilts her head in confusion and he raises a hand facing her, his fingers parted and almost aching to feel her touch once again. She glances at his face and sees the pleading look in his eyes and then she's doing the same, the tips of her fingers meeting his own large ones and JJ lets out a breath.

He glances between her and their touching hands and she almost melts at the hearty eyes pouring out of him, "Thank you." She doesn't ask for what, she doesn't say a word. Just rests her chin on her arm as her hand fights the urge to intertwine her fingers with his.

[purecamp]

RE: Sharon

i find these so hard to write, but i don’t like leaving things unsaid when i have a lot of thoughts. so much happened last year that was so severe and intense that i completely understand people who decided to just check out and not keep up. i did it myself for a while, when i was in too much pain to do anything else. but i feel like now maybe i should say something more.

i think most people will know by now that sharon has been performing again, that she’d been doing online shows for a while, that she’s involved in the SERV vodka campaign. and i know a lot of people were angry about some of it, asking why her career hasn’t been ruined, her title stripped, etc.

i’m somewhat closer to the situation than the average fan might be, which has given me a unique perspective and insight that the casual observer might not have, though for privacy reasons i won’t go into detail about how/why this is the case. i don’t expect this to change the minds of people who have decided their opinions on sharon, because she’s been hated for years regardless. and that’s fine, i respect that and always have. i don’t know what i want this to achieve but i want to say it anyway.

i want to re-emphasise what i wrote last time, first of all.

“the document has since been deleted. a few things i know are that sharon has been in contact with lawyers, understandably, and this is why she hasn’t made a statement as so many people are demanding of her. if you think having a lawyer makes you guilty... i don’t know what to say, other than that’s a weird view to have. i don’t know if the deletion is to do with the lawyers, or if it was their own decision. i also know that they have gone on to accuse lists and lists of people - some that i can remember including morgan mcmichaels, jinkx monsoon, alaska, alaska’s brother cory, detox, bendelacreme - of inappropriately touching them while they were a minor, as well as (proven falsely) claiming that aquaria was also abused by sharon, and sent underage nudes to her. again, this was not true, and at least for me, casts doubt on the credibility of the idea of sharon as an evil person and determined abuser.

i’m not saying that sharon didn’t act inappropriately, because she 100% did, and i find this very upsetting. i’m just saying that i don’t believe there was deliberate ill-intention or harm behind any of what happened, besides a fucked up situation between some fucked up people.”

i still believe this to be true. i personally find it very suspicious that someone claiming to want justice would make up false claims about others and expand their accusations in such a way for seemingly no reason - it smacks of just wanting controversy, or the desire to try and ruin what she has from the remains of a problematic and broken friendship.

i also want to admit that i have kept up with sharon’s life. partly out of curiosity, partly from nostalgia and how deep her impact on my life has been. i saw a few of her online shows during lockdown, pre-june, and also watched her halloween and valentine specials. her art remains incredibly close to my heart and whether u love her or hate her, she is a talented and engaging performer.

i know that she’s still working, and that in spite of everything she’s been through, she’s slowly getting better. i’m genuinely glad about this. i understand that this might upset some people.

it’s difficult to reconcile a lot of these feelings. it’s important to always believe the victim primarily, which is what i did until i had reason otherwise. and i know better than to gloss over sharon’s problematic past, though again i can say from being somewhat closer than average that i know of many ways she’s worked to undo these wrongs as much as possible. she’s not a public person, as much as she should be, and tends to go for actions over words that fly under the radar a little more. she supports a wide range of charities for marginalised members of the community and POC. i know i’m in no position to speak on it beyond that, nor to decide whether or not she should be forgiven, so i won’t. instead i will say that i find it particularly touching in my case how hard sharon fights for women’s rights, the inclusion/validation of AFAB performers, and her quiet activism.

i totally understand anyone who chooses to not forgive and not forget. i understand anyone who thinks she doesn’t deserve it. i just personally think that there are worse people out there than someone who is earnestly trying, and our energy should be diverted.

i honestly just wish everyone involved in this mess the best. i hope that ann*cy receives the help they need, i hope that sharon continues to work to fix her mistakes and i hope we can one day move past the idea of “cancelling” someone in the vicious, hateful way that the internet/particularly rpdr spaces do. i don’t hold any hate or pain in my heart like i did last summer.

i welcome any polite questions in my inbox but any harassment like i received last year will not be tolerated.

[theworstavocado]

So, I’ve been thinking about Invincible ever since I finished it and.... can we talk about Amber?

I was so excited to see a black love interest, particularly a strong, level-headed, individual such as Amber. I appreciated the struggles she had with Mark ditching her so often...but...

She knew Mark was Invincible! For a while, at least! She knew why he kept canceling her, but still yelled at him for it? Listen, I get why someone in that situation feel unimportant, but in this story, it doesn’t work. She knew Mark was gone because he kept getting his ass whooped. She knew he didn’t abandon them on that college campus, and she knew he did everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, to remain in her good graces.

And sure, there’s the whole “trust” thing, but it’s MARK who should be upset, not her. He kept his identity a secret because he wanted to keep her safe, and he was literally INSTRUCTED by Atom Eve not to say anything. And yet, Amber knew something that, logically, would bring issues up, but also knew both why he kept ditching and why he kept it from her. But when Mark finally tells her, she’s mad, claiming she doesn’t feel important or trusted, despite Mark has PROVEN to her how serious he is about her, and shown multiple times how hard he tries.

Plus, the aftermath of the college campus episode....just infuriated me. Everyone, including Eve (who specifically said NOT to say anything) and William, berated him for what? Prioritizing saving lives over highschool romance? And even then, LOOK at Mark and what he does. Saving the world is, understandably, number one on his list of priorities, and his highschool girlfriend is number two, above EVERYTHING ELSE. But Amber berates and criticizes him, despite knowing Mark’s reasons and responsibilities.

And then, after the finale, when they all get together to talk about how OMNIMAN, MARK’S FUCKING DAD, JUST PUMMELED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. And Amber’s like, “oh, I guess I’ll give you a second chance bc of your dad”, and it’s just disgusting. Mark did everything he could, and despite the fact that he was in the right, he still apologized, still prioritized her, already feeling bad enough without all of his friends criticizing him. And then, after Mark goes through this horribly traumatic series of events, she’s like, “oh, okay, one more chance”. Like, girl? You’re still making this about you?

People really like Amber, and I seriously wanted to like her too. Black characters, particularly MC’s and SO’s, are important, but Amber’s character is horrible, and the worst part? I don’t think the writers intended for her to be horrible! But she is! She’s ridiculously self-centered, and has no real character arc. She’s the same “volunteers to build schools in foreign countries, do-no-wrong” girl she was at the start. She’s a narcissist, and, dare I say it, emotionally abusive, or at the very least, manipulative.

Mark did nothing wrong, but Amber, William, and Eve (though I’ll excuse them for now since they don’t know the whole story) convinced an already unsure teenager (one already dealing with a LOT) that he’s a horrible boyfriend an horrible friend.

Mark, who, mind you, has the entire fate of the world in his hands, a sociopathic colonizer for a father, and got to watch a train of people as well as a city turned to a bloody pulp in the matter of minutes. Mark has been gaslighted and abused, by Amber and his father, so when Amber gives him a second chance, he rolls onto his back like a sick puppy.

I really, really, really wanted to like Amber, even knowing she isn’t endgame. I wanted to be able to admire a strong, black female love interest, but GOD....

I hope I explained this well, and please, don’t come at me for this if you love Amber. I’m more than happy to have a proper conversation if you really feel strongly, but from where I’m sitting (as a victim of abuse similar to Amber’s) she’s not only poorly written (due to the lack of an arc), but holds little redeeming qualities.

I swear, if I’m season two, Mark doesn’t flip out on everyone and tell them they’re all full of shit for making him feel so terrible in an already AWFUL PLACE, I will be thoroughly disappointed.

(I don’t know the writers, but I’ve seen a lot of POC characters written horribly, so....can we also let WOC write WOC? Thanks)

[nightswithkookmin]

chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

[bookwyrminspiration]

As of Legacy, I feel like Shannon is going to make Dex x Stina (dont know the ship name) canon, which is a shame, because with both Dex and Fitz somewhat phased out of the love triangle right now, there was potential for Fidex to become canon.

Oo that's a direction I hadn't considered before--it's fascinating what romantic interests other people spot because I overlook them so frequently an entirely on accident. I'd assumed that Shannon was setting up a Dex x Biana plot, but now that you mention it I don't think something with Stina would be impossible.

With both Dex and Stina being members on Team Valiant, they now have a reason to communicate a lot more frequently and are the more ignored members of the group (excluding Wylie due to age difference). Sophie is front and center, well known and in charge, involved in everything. Biana, while she does have to fight to get her way into plans sometimes and worms her way into things instead of being in them as naturally as Sophie is, does find herself more centered than the other two, I would say. Dex and Stina, then, are left alone. Dex the outcast within a group who tried so hard to fit in for so long and yet is still trying, Stina there against her will in an unwelcoming environment, to say the least. This could be the avenue that Shannon takes in order to seal that connection, taking advantage of this shared outcast existence to enable conversations and bonding that would lead to a more canon ship, if not completely canon.

I am curious how they would be together, the shared need for acceptance something they don't even recognize right now. Dex wanted to be accepted, part of society, part of a group, part of something that mattered and with people who thought him important. That's why he didn't fight the council on making weapons at first, because them being interested in him was acceptance. Stina, on the other hand, if deathly afraid of loosing the frail place she has in their world, overcompensating with ruthless snobbery and judgement. If she is overzealous with it, gets people to hate her and see her as a threat, then that's more of a place in their world. People don't want to go against her, so they won't realize just how hard she's holding on and how easy it could be to cast her out. Her father is talentless, so I'm sure she was afraid she would be, too. While it turned out she's an empath and consequently has the place she feared she might not, acceptance is still something she craves (there's a lot more to Stina I'm skipping over right now, but that's better suited for another post if anyone's interested). her and Dex are more similar than they realize.

As for Dex and Fitz becoming canon, I personally don't see that as a possibility, but I do apologize for your disappointment. This is not to say that I don't see the potential between them or note the possible tropes they could so well fulfill, as I do greatly enjoy the ship and have probably posted about them before (I've made a lot of keeper posts so it's a fair guess). What I mean is that it has been very obvious from the start that this series is not good representation wise. While the Lost Cities is said to be diverse and non-prejudiced, the main characters are very obviously predominantly white and all love interests are m/f pairings. As much fun as it is as a fandom to take these characters and write them queer love stories, make them poc, that is very different from the source material. i cannot remember a time where there was even an inclination that one of the relationships in the story could be queer, all of the tropes we see and the moments we comment on something that we have interpreted through projection and a playful desire for it to be true with no real expectation of follow through.

However! I am very open to being proven wrong on this! Just because the way the story is structured and has been written so far doesn't seem conducive or welcoming to a queer love story doesn't mean that it can't happen! I'd love for Dex x Fitz to be canon and to see how they connect over their pasts and the expectations, positive and negative, that have burdened them for so long. There's so much potential between their characters, so I definitely understand at least part of the appeal that their ship brings, though I may be off on specifics of it.

I want to be clear that this is not me telling you that you're wrong or anything about the story, that's not how this is meant to be in the slightest. you shared an observation about the story and characters that I hadn't made, so I shared what I thought! Thank you for sharing!! You brought up a few interesting points that I hadn't considered, and I appreciate it!

[fromthefishbowl]

Oh i love you for saying Lazaefair's name outloud.Not just you, I appreciate everyone in this fandom who had the guts to call her out.I understand people who are hesitant to call her out, cause she's a snake who have an exceptional knack in gaslighting and turning anything and everything in her favour. Lazaefair, Len and their cronies have hurt so many people inside and outside tog fandom and i won't be surprised if people come out saying they had suicidal thoughts because of these people.These racist antisemitic people needs to be called out ( and i loved the way how you mentioned the cronies without saying their name) . Their 'All and more' discord server is the most toxic racist discord in this fandom cause all they do is cover up all the racist and antisemitic bullshit done by their mods. (well, people do have reciepts of all the things they said in that server)

They should be held accountable for the things they did. They should apologize for every horrid things they did to poc, muslims,jews, writers, content creators and even fans.

Then there are the 'silent ones' ( theres a lot) or the blind devotees (yeah they too follow lazaefair and lens bible) who just keeps on making their cute little posts and a reblogging posts as if nothing happened in this fandom. All i have to say is they are straight up racist. Its like they are all part of this cult.

I am really holding myself back from naming the cronies because its not my place.But they all need to be called out by their victims.

Remember these people have been decieving and bullying people in the tog fandom for a year. For a YEAR they disguised as adults engaging in race conversations and fighting racism but they were like actual 12 year olds making "lists" and sending death threats to people.

But i have to warn you a particular "newb" or a different crony is gonna send you some death threats for mentioning lazaefairs name. Just be prepared to fight that anonymous 12 year old.

They better not start sending anon hate or threats or nasty comments, because everybody will know it's them and their reputation is already six feet under as is. Making it sink even lower would be embarrassing even for their standards.

And I have already mentioned this to a couple of friends, but... it's hysterical that these people are literally know for sending death and rape threats - across multiple fandoms too!!! -, pushing people out of fandom, harassing, bullying, and vagueblogging, and yet they took time to create a secret Discord server to recruit people into and "make the fandom great again" or some shit, as if they weren't the ones who ruined it in the first place - also by spreading actual misinformation and accusing actual MENA people of not telling the truth, with Lazaefair who worked real hard to spread the rumor that one of the MENA bloggers who were writing informative posts was actually an evil sockpuppet, and rejoicing when they wrote their last post before leaving fandom after receiving weeks worth of death threats, because we can't forget that! How dare anybody cross the ignorant American woman and her equally ignorant French bestie and their shit takes???

I was never in A&M, literally the only TOG servers I've ever been in are Top!Joe and the Zine one, but... if things are how people told me... whew, guys. And they are supposed to be the good guys? The righteous ones who put us on the right road and teach us how to be better people?

Them having a secret server also explains how it was possible that all the "big names" in the fandom who supported discourse, from Miss Finland to Miss Racefaker and their little cronies too, went real quiet just before the beginning of Pornathon and the day the event began they suddenly began yapping and whining about racism again, reblogging from each other, spitting out the same two takes - I loved, loved, when I pinned Len down when she was trying to shit on people for being """antisemitic""" and reminded her that Lazaefair is actually antisemitic, and Len pretended that she didn't know her lmao. If I were Lazaefair, just for that I would've thrown her under the bus as soon as the exposé was posted. Now that I think about it... was I the catalyst that caused her to write that racist as hell post? The one with the MENA boys who conveniently look like Majid because that's totes how all MENA boys look like in Europe?

Here's the thing: you don't suddenly go online and become antisemitic or racist or xenophobic because you read rambling posts that barely make any grammatical and syntactic sense. You don't suddenly begin sending death and rape treats, insults, threatening people to post about them on KiwiFarms - someone is trying to be edgy here lmao - if you are a decent person. And you don't go out of your way to defend people who are. They were always shitty, they were always antisemitic and racist and awful people. Len and Lazaefair just gave them the authorization to let it all out.

And I agree with you: they absolutely should apologize for the shit they have done and said in the past months, but would that be enough? Would that repair the hurt they caused? Like... apologies are nice, but will they delete Len and Lazaefair's posts from their blogs? Write down that they are awful people who say awful things? Because at this moment I've seen a looooot of excuses but not a single apology - and I very much doubt that any is gonna come from any of them. Their little antisemitic, racist, xenophobic hearts cannot bear to have been proven wrong and that their savior is a flavorless, privileged French lady who is paler than the people they have harassed in her name - me included, which is so, so funny.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

[deerth]

my first mistake in witchcraft

yes i’m going to be petty over religion for a second here.

i have been slowly inching out of the broom closet as i now consciously move on from the atheist mindset to the pagan one. i was looking for more resources to research my path, and i ended up on a witchy server... woe unto me as i try to fit in once more, for it seems that not even witches are unified.

forget about all that shit about garden, cosmos and whatever witches. the religion actually broadly branches into two practices - Wicca and regular witchcraft. so you are primarily the one or the other, no matter what flavour of ritual you practice.

the primary difference between Wiccans and general witchcraft is your belief of whether religion can be used for harm or not. in short, Wiccans state “an it harm none, do as ye will” (as long as you don’t hurt anyone [including yourself], go bonkers), therefore you will not find Wiccans casting curses or hexes. we know the responsibility of our faith and we know that if you radiate bad vibes, it will come right back around to bite you in the ass later. that said, most Wiccans don’t mind witches who do curse or hex. some cultures use practices like voodoo, and even old eastern European practices were not free of rituals that were made to directly interfere with someone’s will (love spells that were supposed to make someone love you). therefore, a disclaimer: I’m not anti-hex. I would not use a hex because I feel that hate will not solve hate, and as long as you’re an adult, I trust you know what you’re doing with your power. maybe you are of an oppressed culture and have good reason to exact revenge on someone who severely hurt you, especially if you have a long-standing tradition of hexes. even Nina Simone sang “I Put a Spell on You” (albeit this is also a love spell). I know curses and hexes and even spells affecting with another’s free will are an inherent part of witchcraft and I won’t deny it. I follow my doctrine, you follow yours, that is fine by me.

what is NOT fine with me, however, is propagating hex culture among minors. why? because minors are not ready to take on that responsibility!!!! just like they are not truly ready to make healthy decisions about sex, alcohol or other substances, they cannot take true responsibility over causing harm, be it spiritual or otherwise. “what’s a little hex do?” you might ask, if you’re a minor. not to sound like a boomer, but when I was 16, I was edgy as fuck. I hated everyone while claiming to love everyone. I was in NO correct mental state to make decisions about the aforementioned things. even without casting any hexes, I made many mistakes. big ones. I hurt a lot of people. yes, I regret it all deeply. I wish I had thought things over rather than stay stubborn. in fact, most people under 20 are not ready to enter discourse, drama or a vicious cycle of hatred purely because it will always turn into “all bite but no bark”. I purposefully say it that way because although youngsters are admirably spirited and ready to take on the world... they often bite off more than they can chew. I see girlies straight out of high school trying to solve huge problems like racism, and although, again, admiring these young people, they have researched their stuff. to an extent, they know what they’re talking about... but I do believe hate will not solve hate.

one of the moderators of said server retaliated with it not being a universal truth, and claimed my take to be “unverified personal gnosis” (what is a verified gnosis, anyway? how do you measure it? especially in a practice like witchcraft where every bloody individual practises it differently and there are no priests or churches?). if the moderator happens to read this and wishes to elaborate, i’d be welcome for a bit of constructive discussion over what is and isn’t personal gnosis. I acknowledge that “hate cannot be fought with hate” is not a universal truth... that is perhaps where I went to the extreme. but believe me, I did not say it to be holier-than-thou. I was actually shocked to be called out by not one, but two moderators on my behaviour, instantly. I did not read in the rules that one would be forbidden to state their opinion or softly disagree, but perhaps it is so and I did not pay enough attention.

there comes another food for thought: is it possible to socialise without being opinionated in any way? would shutting down opinions truly prevent conflict? because I’m feeling very bitter and left out now. I know everyone on that server is not Wiccan. but to get slapped in the face right after I attempted to be friendly (laconic and feeble as that was), among who I considered to be my own people... I feel conflicted. now mind, I’m not going to leave witchcraft behind. it is my religion, and thanks to this experience, I learned that Wicca is the right thing for me. I don’t want to advocate for violence and a vicious cycle of hatred. my grandfather was Romani, therefore I believe I know a thing or two about mislabeling and hate enacted upon minorities and outcast people. does that mean I want to kill and hex every white in sight? the answer is no. if anything, me being both Wiccan and Romani, it would just add fuel to the fire. especially because Romani are stereotyped as evil witches in the first place, so it would be a double suicide. by propagating violence, I would give these people more reason to hate pagans and Romani people. both cultures are already feared and hated upon as it is. I am not going to give people more opportunity to hate me.

coming back to the minor I disagreed with in the server. I was shocked that the first thing that came to a teenager’s mind was a revenge hex. it screams of naiveté and irresponsible behaviour towards your faith. and not JUST your faith. as I am a student of psychology, I am well aware how mind patterns work, and here’s the funny thing: psychology has proven that witchcraft’s law of returns is somewhat true, not on a magickal level, but on a mental one. if you ponder over violence and revenge excessively, you are reinforcing those neural pathways in your brain. there is a reason why they say “hate breeds hate”. it is the same reason why depression is so hard to deal with. anything you obsessively ruminate over reinforces it again and again until escape seems impossible. I’m not only speaking as a witch, I’m speaking as a human being. is it correct to propagate petty violence among minors when we as adults can do better and guide young people to better paths?

I’m not saying young people shouldn’t use hexes. but I am questioning their ability to take on the responsibility of potentially hurting someone, or even just thinking of hurting someone. you plant a seed of hate and it may just grow. you knock on the devil’s door enough times and he will answer (disclaimer: I’m not Christian either, I just like the saying). soon there shall be nothing left but hate. if the person in question had not been a minor, I would have left it at that. but religion is sacred. a witch’s magick is essentially making something important to you sacred. it’s not a plaything. it’s not to be used light-handedly. it’s not a trend. and hexes should be the last resort if all else fails OR the person you hate has a damn good reason for being hated.

is it wrong to vote for love and peace? yeah, I sound like a hippie, but I think they’re right. love was not born from continuing to fight each other - love was born from unity, from coexisting. how does one fight racism? psychology says see more poc, interact with them, understand their struggles. how to fight religious fear? spend time with people of different views. how to get over homophobia? spend time with the gays and try to understand their views, and like, actually understand them. spending time with someone just to berate them is still bigotry. the interaction I mean here is coexisting with minorities in a shared space and them slowly, but surely becoming more accepted and normalised because we finally see them. even a bigot can’t stay a bigot if they are brought out of isolation. if they’re forced to see people different than them.

unfortunately, not even your own faith can comfort you sometimes, mostly because the community is still divided. there are rules on what should and shouldn’t be done, and woe upon thee if you dare to even peep one of your thoughts. I merely said thank you and sorry and left, as I always do when I feel misunderstood. it was a valuable yet harsh lesson, and I regret hoping for acceptance or even offering me a moment to be understood without being shut down without a second thought. I regret hoping for a little discussion where it is seen as a violation of rules.

again, as long as you are ready to bear the responsibility of harming another, do whatever you want. as a Wicca, I prefer staying benevolent and kind, even to those who traumatised me. you might argue that this essay in itself is not benevolent... after all, Wiccans don’t slander people behind their backs, you might say. but it is not my intent to slander. it is just me expressing sheer confusion over what I expected to be a community to hear out all voices, because why have a community at all if you allow for no discussion? do we shut off discussions entirely in fear of fights? but alas, it is human nature to be opposed, but it’s also human nature to still hold hands despite the differences - one just needs to acknowledge it.

blessed be.

[professionalfangirl24601]

Your response was so right and I really liked the posts you linked as well!

And like, idk but I feel like people saying “oh this book is ableist” is a very blanket statement while ignoring that most people didn’t know the r word was a slur in like 2015 which is around when the books came out. Like this wasn’t common knowledge to people, and it still isn’t common knowledge to a lot of people! It’s fine to warn people before reading like, “hey this book has ableist language by the way so watch out for that” but that doesn’t mean Nora is ableist.

Also like as a woc, i have my own issues with people thinking the books are racist. I think Nicky could’ve definitely been handled better, but idk my thoughts about Nicky are more like “look how much he gave up for his cousins and how much he cared about them” instead of specifically the bad stuff he does. Like they’re all traumatized, I don’t expect them to be perfect or not say bad things. As for making all the villains asian, I feel like people just forget,,,,about Nathan? And Lola? And literally everyone in the scene where Neil gets kidnapped? And Drake? Like with all of the shitty people in aftg, I don’t even consider the yakuza the bad guys, only Riko and Tetsuji. My friend described it as Nora just having like “white blindness” and not realizing how stuff she writes can come across rather than intentionally being harmful, which makes a big difference to me.

I also hate the take that it’s like aphobic, considering Nora is aro ace and that there are people who don’t know what asexual or aromantic means. While it’s not great for Nicky to constantly push Neil for his sexuality, I also don’t blame him for not knowing that Neil is demisexual, especially considering that Neil didn’t know himself! And especially because there’s still so much ace discourse on tumblr! Like people still don’t know stuff about asexuality and aromanticism, so why do you expect her to write characters who are experts in it?

I think people forget that writing about problematic characters doesn’t make the author problematic. Also I agree that I don’t think aftg is even written that badly, but I also base books on how they make me feel, and I’ve been into aftg for 2 years (which is relatively long for me to be into something).

Sorry I rambled a lot but I just don’t like all the aftg hate, nor do I get repeating the criticism for it if people already know.

You bring up some very good points and It makes me want to go on another rant. And don't worry, I loved hearing your thoughts.

So the same warning here. Some discussions of racism, ableism and aphobia below the cut.

In general, I think accusing complete strangers of being x-phobic is a worse thing to do than defending them. Innocent until proven wrong, you know. I don't think there's enough proof of Nora being ableist in the books, and saying that she is can be very harmful. Here's a great post about aftg and ableism, and I'm glad you liked the previous ones :D

The yakuza wasn't even the main villain there. Considering it's well, the mafia, it didn't have that negative role. Ichirou wasn't portrayed as vicious and cruel, Nathan was. Ichirou didn't turn the nest into hell, Riko and Tetsuji did.

Riko was a complex character who had his motives and his race didn't have to do anything with his actions. If Nora wrote that Riko tortured people because he was Asian (? How??, but still), that would be racist.

This may be a controversial opinion, but I really don't like when people act like minorities can't be bad people. Isn't basing expectations of them on their race... racist?

Imagine saying Nathan being the villain of the story was anti-red haired people (let's pretend he's ginger, because there are people who actually hate them, for some reason. And I'm not comparing race to hair color, it's just the same logic). Wouldn't that be ridiculous? Especially because Neil, a flawed chatacter who's also one of the "good guys" has red hair too.

As a white person, I know I don't understand racism as well as poc, so correct me if I'm being wrong. I know that good representation is very important. But is having both white and poc characters being morally gray and deeply flawed that racist?

I really like the term "white blindness". Sometimes people come across as racist by accident or not thinking things through properly and it's so nice of you and your friend to acknowledge this.

(Like now I think I'm somehow being racist but I really am not. I don't know if what I said conveyed my opinion well, but please don't hesitate to send me another ask if you think I'm being one.)

I think aphobia is very compicated in the books. Of course Nicky saying life can't be good without a significant other and that he would give Neil a little "push" was clearly aphobic. Because Neil had said that he didn't swing before that and Nicky didn't believe him.

But considering how little known demisexuality was in the 00's, was Matt assuming Neil was gay after he found out about him and Andrew aphobic too? I think if Neil had explained that he was only attracted to Andrew, not men in general, Matt would have believed him.

Of course, in the end it doean't matter in this discussion because writing about it doesn't make Nora aphobic. It's purely realistic, both the people being assholes and just ignorant of it.

I've heard people say both, that they loved how trauma was handled in the books and that they hated it. It's clear that the books aren't for everyone. It usually leaves the reader either completely in love with it or filled with hate. Love and hate are both very strong emotions and people "criticizing" it isn't new either. I just hope it doesn't get to the point where aftg is just known as this horrible book and people don't even bother with reading it before judging it and writing hateful posts.

[skyeblue379]

So let’s talk about the newest episode of WandVision there is of course a spoiler warning from this point on

First let’s talk about theories disproved

So the town is made up of the citizens of westview( as far as we know ) the fact the several citizens actors such as the milkman, mailman , and “norm” were shields of agents in previous movies is a conciedence

It’s looking like Anges is a regular citizen not Agatha Harkness, who in the comics was one of the original witches of Salem, a mentor of scarlet witch who was eventually killed by her when she went crazy and almost destroyed the multiverse, but as she was not one the citizens who was identified there is still a chance but we’ll have to wait and see

Okay so let’s talk about what still up in the air theory wise and what we do know thus far

Let’s talk about Mephisto

i still believe that this is how Marvel is choosing to introduce him since he plays an important part in wandas story arch in the comics ( for those who don’t know Wanda creates the twins using a bit of his power/soul and he arranges for them to be stolen by his minion Master pandemonium who uses them as Arms to try and regain Mephisto’s stolen power ( yes you read that right the 80s were wild)

I still believe that he is the one orchestrating everything behind the scenes but I have a new theory on who he is or at least one I have seen but I’m sure is out there cause let’s be honest I’m not that creative lol

I think during the aftermath of the snap Mephisto took advantage of the chaos to take the identity of Hayward the new leader of SWORD

Think about he could’ve seen that there was a chance to take power in the upcoming new agency and knowing marvel they might pull an ego, he might’ve had a had in hand in Maria’s death to make sure that he got control of SWORD and to have Monica have a personal investment in this fight

If we go with this theory that explains why he seems to have vendetta to make out Wanda as the villain and dangerous and why we didn’t see the “ footage “ of Wanda stealing visions body my guess is he is trying to alienate wanda from everyone else so she’ll have no where to turn

The reason I think this isn’t entirely wanda is because while in the comics Wanda is one of the most powerful mutants in the entire multi-verse thus far in the mcu she hasn’t shown that level of power and while I would LOVE if they gave Wanda the power and recognition she deserves I don’t think that’s going to happen given The writers treatment Of the marvel women so far and if given the chance they will make the all powerful villain who manipulating the poor defenseless female who couldn’t help but fall for his evil schemes * cue southern lady hand to forehead swoon*(oh I’m going to piss off some fanboys with that one lol) but really think about it Hollywood as a whole doesn’t like bestowing the mantle of most powerful on women or POC especially in action movies which , whether or not you want to admit it , as a genre is engineered to please cisgender straight white men but that’s a whole other debate and I’m already going off enough tangents as is

I don’t think that it was wanda who left the boundary or if it was I don’t think it was entirely of her own volition I think it was a tactic to further villify Wanda in the eyes of SWORD and cementing the distrust of her by them so Hayward can weaponize SWORD against Wanda and Vision

Expanding on that based on what We’ve seen so far from the eps and the previews it’s going to end up being a battle between SWORD/ Mesphisto who is manipulating everything and everyone to make it seem like it’s Wanda controling the town against Wanda and Vision, with the help of Darcy, agent Jimmy Woo, and Monica after they begin to realize what’s happening

Moving on to Wandas role

So I agree with Visions assement that while Wanda Wasn’t initially consciously aware of what was going on she “ woke up “ at some point is now actively manipulating her surroundings and while she doesn’t want to directly hurt anyone as evident by her protecting Monica while sending her flying through walls and the barrier which could’ve killed her but should’ve at least broken a several bones but she came out with out a scratch

We can see that she knows what she’s doing is wrong but the looks of guilt when confronted with what she is doing she is trying to make sure the citizens are living as normal as possible as seen when she mentions making sure they mow their lawns and make it to their dentist appts and she thinks by controling them she’s making it easier on them but she knows it’s wrong like for example when billy and tommy ask her to bring sparky back to life the look on her face when she tells them there are certain things you can’t mess with and Vision walking up right as she says that I’m guessing within the next couple of episodes she admit to herself that what is happening is wrong

The Twins

So far in the series we see that Billy and Tommy at least posses some of their mother’s power as seen as they can age up seemingly by will power

In the comics billy becomes Wiccan , who takes after his mother’s powers and tommy is speed who inherited his uncles super speed but we have yet to see if these powers will transfer into the show

Side note if they try and change wiccans or speeds sexualities which in the comics wiccan was canonically gay and in a long term relationship hulking, who he eventually married , and Speed who was bisexual and in a relationship with prodigy I will riot

I’m guessing that mephisto is going to take the twins leading to Wanda joining dr strange in his show traveling the multi-verse in trying to find them or some version of them since we can only assume that’s how they are introducing the introducing mutants to the mcu

Speaking of introducing mutants to the MCU

So at the very end of the episode they get a surprise visitor- quicksilver (which several ppl saw coming ) we see that the X-mans Quicksilver arrive at the door

While I am glad that they are reintroducing Quicksilver as his early death was my biggest problem with age of ultron, we will have to wait and see how this pans out in regards to the series as a whole

When we hear the knock we are being lead to assume same as vision that it is another diversion by Wanda which we’ve seen her do several times at this point she seems as confused as he is so I don’t think he’s appeared by her powers proven by the fact when he introduces himself as her brother she’s visibly thrown and understandably confused before hugging him

My guess is that Mephisto( who in the comics also has the power to manipulate reality tho not on the scale that scarlet witch does which is why he needs her) brought him in to distract Wanda and Vision from discovering the truth

Now we can only assume that because of his appearance that other X-men and ppl from that universe will make an appearance in the mcu but to what extent we can’t be sure yet it will largely depend on what actors agree to resign on to their contracts to continue playing their characters so we can assume that Wolverine will not be making an appearance as Hugh jackman has previously stated that he will not be reprising the role but with everyone else’s we will have to wait and see

Let me know what you guys think what you agree or disagree with, further theories etc

EDIT: I apologize it’s been almost a decade since I’ve read the series of comics feature the storyline that WandaVision were based off it was pointed to me by @Hapllucigenia123 that there were a few inaccuracies in my post

the guy with the baby arms was master pandemonium who while he was working under the direction of Mephisto is not him

the twins were made purely out of fractions of Mephistos soul in the comics and he arranged them for them to be kidnapped in order to regain the power he had lost

This doesn’t change my theories much since I don’t believe they are going to have master pandemonium appear in the series because he was a middle man and the writers are going to probably have a bigger villain name to help draw in more views.( also don’t think theyre going to have anyone use the twins as arms cause I don’t see it being taken seriously in this day and age but imagine the memes if they did lol but I will go back and fix the information when I can thank you again @hapllucigenia123 who can also be found in the comments if the tags don’t work