#I do think it is interesting to go back to where all of it started and to write it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwaslayer · 2 days ago

Text

wildfire (cs) | fourteen.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.5k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, mostly focused on namjoon again in his stressed with no rest era, oc tells her friends about everything, jiung x oc fighting, crying :(, oc has a pretty good talk with namjoon, things are just shifting/changing

—a/n: the next fic coming up after wildfire has been posted here! also if you haven't taken my poll, pls do so! hehe <33 i appreciate u

You lay back against the arm of the couch with your blanket sprawled on top, typing away the last bits of info into your presentation. You're a slide away from creating your acknowledgements slide and wrapping up the entire rotation update. You had gotten an email from both San and Namjoon stating that your rotation in San's lab was ending due to a change in your timeline and that you needed to present your rotation update to the both of them, along with the dean, in the following week. It scared you at first— and it still does now— but it's starting to make more sense as to why San did what he did. Namjoon sent you a side email asking if you could meet today because he wanted to discuss what was going on. He kept it vague. Short.

Maybe he was holding off until the meeting.

It's obvious who started all of this. It's not hard to tell.

But, you agreed to meet after TAing for Yunho— letting Namjoon know you'd be there as soon as class was over. He agreed to the time and sent you a reassuring message towards the end, telling you all would be well and that he'd help you figure things out no matter what.

It was reassuring, but it doesn't mean you weren't scared.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Doesn't mean any if this it hurt any less. Doesn't mean you weren't angry, upset, sad. You still needed to feel it out, especially being alone and going through this without anyone else to talk to about it.

You had Eunchae, Jurin and Felix. But, you wished you had Jiung to talk to. You wished you didn't feel hurt about him, too.

—FLASHBACK

"So, you two are seeing each other?" Jurin asks while she sits in front of you and holds onto your knee to give it a gentle rub. Eunchae sits next to you with her arm over your shoulder, also giving you a gentle caress, squeeze. Felix sits next to Jurin and he's got a look of concern, but sadness. You had finally opened up about everything between you and San; from how things started, the conferences, staying at his house, being with him—

To not.

Jiung keeps himself posted near your window because he doesn't really wanna hear more about it but he needs to— to understand the full story. Part of him also feels guilty for what he did hearing your cries and how awfully torn up you are over Professor Choi.

San.

He's gotta get used to you calling him San like that.

"Were." You shake your head and press the tissue against your nose to pat it dry. "It's done with now."

"But, why? Couldn't you guys just play it off?"

"I'm sure he wanted to be safe, though." Felix adds softly. "I think I kinda see where he's coming from." He looks at you. "I don't think he meant to hurt you, but he's probably trying to protect you and keep everything safe in the meantime. Once this blows over—"

"I doubt we'd get back together."

"Don't say that. You never know, Y/N. I agree with Lix. He's probably just trying to do what's best for now even if it hurts him to. I'm sure he cares a lot about you. I mean heck, he almost fucked up Hae-jin in front of everyone." You sigh and look down at your hands, the feeling of sadness and emptiness all consuming.

"He does." Eunchae adds to Jurin's reassurance. "I don't know why Professor Lee and Professor Jeong think it's their business, though. Haven't they done enough damage?"

"Awful. People literally can't mind their business, especially when it has nothing to do with them."

"I get the power dynamics but Professor Choi doesn't seem like the type. So, honestly, it's not like anyone was getting hurt in the process." Jiung silently fiddles with his hoodie string as Felix goes on.

"And people clearly don't know you if they assume you're the one throwing yourself on him." Jurin adds.

"Damn. Two people can't just be together?" Felix shakes his head. "Anyway, you got us, and this will pass. I'm sure Professor Kim will do everything to help and figure things out, too." You dig your face into your hands, trying to wipe away the remaining tears before you nod and smile at Lix in appreciation for his support, too.

Still, you can't help but notice how Jiung has remained quiet this entire time— barely able to maintain eye contact with you.

"Should we go to dinner? Get some food in you?" Eunchae gives you a small smile and giggle. You nod and stand with them, quickly checking your appearance in the mirror while the three start making their way out of your door.

"Can we talk for a second?"

"About?"

"I just have to tell you something. Probably shouldn't wait until after dinner."

"Um, okay?" You look at him, hands crossed over your chest in a vulnerable manner, doe-eyes peeking up at him as he lets out a hefty sigh. "What's on your mind?"

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I just wanna say I'm sorry and I hope you understand where I'm coming from. But—" He lets out another sigh before shaking his head, almost as if he were shaking his feelings off. Trying to tell himself he needs to say it. "I-I went to Professor Kim and told him about you and Professor Choi. I told him I thought you were being taken advantage of and that I was worried."

"What?" You can barely get out. "W-why would you do that?"

"I was really just worried and I wasn't sure how else to get to you. I-I thought Professor Kim would be able to help—"

"Jiung." You call his name and step back, not wanting to be in close proximity to him. You knew he was worried about you, but you didn't think he'd go off and talk to Namjoon about it right away. "Why would you do that? Why couldn't we just keep talking about it— why did you have to go and blow this up even more?!"

"I'm sorry, can you blame me?!—"

"You didn't have to go behind my fucking back and tell Professor Kim! I already told you it wasn't like that and you still told him it was?! What the actual hell, Jiung?"

"I was just worried about you! I was being your fucking bestfriend, trying to make sure you weren't hurt or anything."

"And then you made things worse. Are you happy?" You scoff. "Those assumptions could have really fucked up Professor Choi."

"What about you, Y/N? Why do you keep disregarding yourself?! Is that even healthy—"

"Healthy?! I'm telling you the truth!" You scoff. "And you don't know shit about me and him, so quit acting like you do." You throw your hands up in defeat because he'll never get it. "Forget it, okay? You'll never understand and I don't need you to."

"Hey, what's going on?" Felix pops his head in, confused at the ruckus going on behind doors. Truthfully, he heard everything just as he was approaching the door to check up on you, and he's not sure how to feel. It's hard. He feels like he's in the middle because he sees Jiung, he sees you.

"You guys can go off to dinner together, but I'll probably just stay behind."

"But, Y/N—" Jiung adds in defeat.

"Why don't you and the girls go? We'll catch up later." Felix tugs him by the sleeve and gives him a look. "Give her some space." He mutters lowly just as he gets in close distance.

—END

Your alarm blares on the coffee table, a harsh reminder that you haven't really slept much. It was time to wrap up and get ready for Yunho's class— something you weren't entirely ready to tackle today either.

But, you get up anyway.

You sigh and put on your brave face.

You throw on a simple sweater, jeans and your Sambas— dabbing a bit of mascara, brow gel and lip gloss to fix yourself up a tiny bit for the day. You were tired of feeling sad and dressing the part; the least you could do was finally get some fresh air and look decent enough for the world while coming out of your slump. You grab your things and pack up your bag, heading out of the door with your keys in hand.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San's lab.

Kinda sucks you won't be returning to San.

You let out a sigh and quietly walk over to the classroom in peace, keeping your head down for a majority of the time.

Avoiding eye contact, avoiding anything having to do with the outside world in meantime.

"Hey!" Yunho says in his usual fashion. You give him a small smile, although you're not really sure why he's joining class yet again today. He had been joining your class in particular recently, and you knew why.

He just wanted to get under your skin.

"Hi." You respond, getting your laptop together. Yunho continues to watch you from where you're standing, noting the sadness that envelopes your entire body. The way you're avoiding him. The way it's so blatantly obvious that you know that he knows.

That Iseul is the reason why you're sad.

You don't say anything otherwise; keeping your head down and away from Yunho even while the class walks in. You continue to carry on with the last journal club of the class before giving everyone time to work on their final proposals before it's due at the end of the evening. A few people linger at the end of class to speak with you and Yunho to get your guidance on the last remaining bits of their proposals before they thank you for all your help and head out for the day.

You still haven't said a word to Yunho, and he can't help but ask:

"Is something wrong?" Yunho asks nonchalantly after class, looking at your figure even though you are avoiding eye contact with him while packing up your things.

"No."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I don't know why you're asking if something is wrong when you know what it is already. Don't you?" You look at him plainly from the side before gathering the rest of your things.

"Whatever's been happening between you and San is between you and San—"

"So, was it you who told Professor Kim? Or was it Professor Lee?" You cut him off. Yunho stares at you, and he doesn't respond. Of course he won't, of course he won't throw Iseul under the bus even though you know she was behind it.

"It was for the best."

"Quite frankly, I don't think you can speak on what's best for me or him. Especially him." You look at Yunho directly in the eye. "Are you both that determined to bring San down? Is that what this?" He furrows his brows.

"Reel it in, Y/N." He says, sternly. "Do you not understand how damaging this could be for both you and him? If anything, it was done to protect you both."

"What makes you think we weren't capable of doing so?" Yunho lets out a pathetic chuckle before he steps forward and leans towards your ear, a small smirk on his lips.

"I think snuggling up on campus and sneaking into his office is enough of a reason." He pulls back, licking his lips before dipping his hands into his pocket.

"And I think you need to learn how to mind your own business and let San handle his own." You scoff. "In any case, Yunho." You look him in the eye. "You and Iseul already ruined him from the beginning and you can't come to terms with it." You tilt your head to the side. "You both were never deserving of San, and that is sad. No wonder you two are miserable and are still keeping tabs on him." Yunho's mouth slightly drops, but he doesn't respond to your statement. "I'll help out with finals if needed. Otherwise, please consider my TA assignment with you done."

You almost run into Iseul as you stomp out of the classroom, leaving her to knit her brows at you in response.

"Nice talk." Iseul pops in, her husband biting his cheek.

"We should have never gotten involved with that, Iseul." He says lowly as he gathers his things together.

"Oh, so just let them—"

"That's exactly it, just let them be." He cuts her off and looks at her. "It didn't have to be us. We could've just let them be and let anyone else do the talking. Let them learn on their own." His jaw ticks.

"We did the right thing." She crosses her arms.

"Still doesn't change the fact that you're taking the opportunity to destroy San and running with it. It didn't have to be us." He repeats, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.

"Yunho." She says. "You're not actually taking Y/N seriously, are you? She's delusional if she thinks all of this is okay and would've slipped."

"Don't call her delusional, Iseul. You have no say in their relationship or what they're about. You had no right. They knew what they were getting into. You just lead them into the trap for your own benefit." Yunho scoffs. "You wanted to see this unfold, didn't you? You wanted this to unfold in a specific way."

"What is going on, Yunho?"

"We're not meddling in this anymore. If you're not ready to stop, count me out of it. I'm not doing this, I'm not picking at their business anymore." He grabs his things and takes the lead out of the room. Iseul scoffs and shakes her head, slowly trailing behind him.

As for you, you feel cold. You feel isolated. You feel empty. You walk out and find a hidden table behind the building and set yourself down to get yourself together. You let out a couple of breaths to ease your feelings, promising yourself you wouldn't cry over this anymore.

But, it hurts to hold it in.

It hurts.

You feel the dullness, the heavy ache, in the center of your chest, and it hurts.

You have to move on.

"Fuck." You sigh, hand over your chest to give it a few gentle rubs before you're back on your feet and checking the time. You need to see Professor Kim just like your promised.

Of course, as you're on your way to Professor Kim's office, you find San passing by with Yeosang and Jongho. His eyes land on you and you immediately break first, feeling the tears ready to well up in your eyes. He sees the way your head drops and how you turn away— he can't help but slightly turn over his shoulder to keep his eyes on you.

To lock eyes with you once more.

To feel.

But, it doesn't happen. And it fucks San up more than he expects because he doesn't know even know what Jongho and Yeosang are talking about anymore after that brief interception.

"Yo, you good?" Jongho taps his chest with a small chuckle, bringing San back to reality.

"Yeah. Sorry." He tries to play it off quickly but Jongho quickly turns over his shoulder to see you walking in the opposite direction.

"All good." He returns to San and gives his shoulder a small squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." San gives him a toothless smile. "Anyway, did you guys figure out where we're going before we make laps around campus?" Yeosang and Jongho share a quick look before they follow behind San and pick the conversation back up to prevent any of San's sadness from creeping up.

Meanwhile, you continue your way to Professor Kim's office, wiping away the stragglers that manage to escape your eyes and streak your cheeks. You weren't gonna let this get to you, so you quickly try to brush it off and get yourself together especially when you walk down the hallway and into Professor Kim's office. He's in his chair, typing away on his computer— glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Y/N, come sit and make yourself comfortable." He smiles at you and you return the gesture, sitting down on the chair posted in front of his desk.

"Thanks for meeting with me today, Professor Kim."

"No, thank you." He chuckles and finally shifts his full attention towards you. "How are you today?"

"Uh, could be better but not complaining."

"Yeah? How was class with Professor Jeong?"

"Hm, okay." You hum before shifting in your seat nervously.

"Just okay?" You nod. "Well, as long as there aren't any complaints or anything you wanna tell me." Namjoon knows you probably aren't having a great time in Yunho's class right now and he doesn't blame you.

"No." You force a smile. "Anyway, I see that I have to do my rotation presentation next week?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Y/N. You do understand why this is all happening, right?" You slowly nod. "I know you and San have been seeing each other, and I know he ended things the other day. I'm really sorry, but I just need to protect you both. Word is getting around fast and the dean isn't having it. I can't have him fire San, I can't have him kick you out of the grad program. Please just understand why things have to be this way. I just need it to settle."

"I do." You respond weakly before looking down at your hands. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, Professor Kim. I didn't mean— we didn't mean for this to blow up. I-I know we shouldn't have been so sloppy and reckless, and I'm sorry—"

"Hey, hey." He shakes his head with a sympathetic look. "No need to be sorry. I promise all is fine, and that's why I'm here to help and protect you both." You look at him with a sad nod, and you aren't sure why that's the tipping point for you but you suddenly start to break down in front of Professor Kim. He feels his heart breaks because he knows there wasn't any power play in this; he knows San as a person, and he's familiar with you as a student and the work you do. There was no way either of you used any power or position for your advantage. He knew this had been a genuine, real relationship— it's just truly unfortunate it had to unfold this way.

If word hadn't gotten around, maybe Namjoon wouldn't care at all.

But, he has to now, and that's what makes everything hard about his role.

"I promise everything is going to be okay." He says softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" Namjoon shakes his heas, watching the way you cry into your hands.

"Y/N, it's okay. You can let it out if you need to." He passes you the tissue box. "Can I ask you something? And be honest. I've already figured out your plan for school so you don't have to hold back." Namjoon says. "Do you care about him?" You nod as you continue to cry, the ache in your chest making it hard for you to breathe.

You miss San.

"But, it doesn't matter because he ended it. It's over with."

"He only did so because of my guidance, and I'm sorry about that. I told him this too, but it's not something I wanted to do. Trust me. As his friend, it's the first time I've seen him genuinely and truly happy. It's all I wanted after the things he's gone through. But, I just can't risk it right now. San is beginning to reach new heights with his career and getting more real estate to do things he's been wanting to do with Jongho. You're also just getting into the groove of things. I don't want either of your hard work to get snatched away over something like this."

"No, I know Professor Kim. I do understand and I'm grateful. It just sucks. I don't know how else we would've gotten away with it, I guess." You sniff. "Maybe it had to happen."

"Look, I told him this, too. But, I can't police every detail and tell you who you can and can't date. If San is someone you care about, then so be it, but the only thing I ask of you is to keep it off campus. I cannot have you two interacting on campus or else he's out. Not by my choice, but the committee."

"I don't want anything to happen to him."

"I know, and he said the same thing about you. He cares just as much, so don't think that he doesn't." You dab your face with the napkin and nod.

"Jiung confessed and told me he came to you about it." Namjoon nods.

"I think he was just worried as your friend. Rightfully so. But, I think he also shouldn't have jumped to those conclusions right away."

"I told him that."

"If I hadn't known San so well, I probably would've believed Jiung." He sighs. "It's alright, he didn't know and he was worried. Are you two okay?"

"Not really, but I think we just need time. I'm trying to see his side of things, but I also didn't think he'd do that so it caught me off guard."

"I see. Well. Give yourself some time and grace, okay? I'm sorry it had to be this way for now." You give him a tiny, toothless smile. Eyes still shiny and watery from the crying you've just done.

I'm sorry it had to be this way for now.

It repeats in your head over and over again because why does it feel like this is just how it's gonna be? Despite Namjoon reassuring you, despite San's explanation. Why does it just feel like a fleeting moment? A chapter in your book— a part that was never really supposed to last.

"Thank you." He gives you a smile.

"So, shifting to the program. I was thinking I could pull you into my lab and we can figure out things as time goes on? Explore other options if there's anything else you'd wanna explore." You nod. "You know there's other paths we can look into, or if you're totally fine with where you're at in my lab, then we can just stick with that plan."

"That sounds good. Thank you, Professor Kim."

"Unfortunately, like I mentioned, I can't have you interacting with Professor Choi. I'll have to make sure you don't take any of his classes or end up in any collaboration projects with him." You nod.

"Okay. I understand."

"You'll have to halt all your work in his lab immediately. You can grab your things when you feel ready to, but I'll have you in my lab starting next week. I know it'll be a bit crazy with your rotation presentation, but I promise to make it a smooth transition."

"Okay." You purse your lips. "I'm almost finished with my rotation presentation."

"That's great!"

"It'll just be us three?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's not the usual format but I need the dean to see all the good work you do."

"Thank you. I appreciate your support."

"Do you have any questions so far? Any other concerns?" You think for a second before shaking your head.

"No."

"I'll send you some onboarding info and give you the contacts to some key people in my lab to help you get started. We can figure out your project and goals in a little more depth next week. Let's aim for a Monday morning meeting? 9am?"

"Good with me."

"Thanks, Y/N. And please trust me when I say all is gonna be well."

"Thank you."

"See you next week? Be sure to keep an eye out for my emails." You nod as you stand and tuck your bag closely to you.

"I will." You give him another smile before heading out of the door. Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose and plops back down onto his chair, picking up his direct line to ring the dean's office phone. It rings for a few minutes before the dean is answering on the other end.

"Namjoon."

"Hey. Can we meet today to talk about what's been going on? I can be over in the next 15 minutes."

"I'm free, but I have a hard cut off in 45 minutes."

"That's plenty of time. I'll be there soon."

"See you." Joon hangs up and gathers his things, loosening his tie to get himself together for this meeting. He doesn't necessarily wanna do this, nor does he think he's ready for whatever the dean could unleash on him.

On you, on San.

But, he has a job to do and he'll make damn sure he gets his point across. He'll make damn sure he controls this well, and he'll make sure nothing happens to the both of you.

When he gets into the building and heads straight for the dean's office, he's greeted by the front desk and his executive assistant. The dean's assistant knocks on his door and pops her head in to give him a heads up about Namjoon's visit. It isn't long before she's gesturing for him to come into his office, stepping out and slowly shutting the door behind her once Namjoon's settled in the seat in front of him.

"Namjoon."

"Dean Louie." Namjoon clears his throat. "Can we discuss what's been going on? I've got a chance to review this more in depth."

"Great. So, tell me. What's with the anonymous tip? Is there truth behind San and his student's relationship?"

"No." The dean looks at him with his head cocked to the side. "Not at all."

"Namjoon. This isn't the time to play games."

"Who said I was?" Joon asks. "This is purely a rumor and there is nothing going on between the two of them. To keep things safe, I'll make sure they don't cross paths and interact on campus, and I'll make sure to work closely with her and keep her under my wing." Namjoon says.

"A rumor? That blew up around campus? What about Iseul and Yunho? Iseul told me about the happy hour event with San. All of this seems too good to be true, and if you're covering for them—" Namjoon cuts him off.

"Since when did Iseul and Yunho have their best interest in San? All I know is that they've always been the driving issue, not San." Namjoon looks at the dean confused. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but a rumor is a rumor and I've gotten to the bottom of it. I talked to the both of them and they denied it through and through. The only reason why San got caught up in the whole happy hour business was because a postdoc was crossing the line and being really disrespectful to her. Any one of us would've done it had we caught it right away like San did." Namjoon continues to furrow his brows. "Now, please. I'd appreciate if we can move on." The dean sits back and lets out a hefty sigh.

"Go on."

"As stated in my email, she will do her rotation presentation in front of myself, you and San. After that, she will be removed from his lab and will be placed in mine. We'll have weekly check-ins, and I'll work with her to move her classes around and realign her priorities so that she and San don't cross paths in this program again."

"And what about this real estate in the building? I'm not going to give it over if this is what San plans to do—"

"I'm sorry, but this shouldn't define San and his work." Namjoon pauses. "He's not, alright? I already confirmed it was a rumor and there is nothing going on. No reason for you to pull back on that real estate deal especially when Jongho had nothing to do with this either and San has already explained his side and agreed to comply regardless. She'll be out of his lab." The dean gives Namjoon a stern look.

"You better make damn sure this doesn't happen again, Namjoon. No rumors, no slip ups. And you make sure those three stop causing trouble on campus. Iseul, Yunho and San. I don't care who did what and who is blaming who, I need this to stop. Now. We can't have childish, petty issues running amuck on this campus."

"You have my word."

"If I hear San and Y/N in the same sentence again, I can't promise it will be the same outcome."

"With all due respect, I need you to understand that whatever they do, whatever happens off campus, doesn't concern me and shouldn't concern you either. I cannot police their behavior and make them act a certain way off grounds. They are both grown, mature adults that can make decisions on their own, and you know that's unfair and very unrealistic." The dean doesn't say much. He mutters a few things under his breath before he's returning his attention to Namjoon.

"Not a damn word about them ever again, Namjoon. I mean it." The dean warns him again before settling into his seat and returning his attention to his desktop computer. Namjoon does a quick, silent bow before walking out, sighing loudly to himself as he's finally gotten that over with.

Still doesn't make it any easier knowing he had his friend make a very difficult decision that he did not wanna do.

He hopes in time, this could blow over and San could be happy again. Despite this hurdle, he's betting on it. On you and him.

Maybe when you come back together, circumstances will be different enough that it won't make the relationship seem as bad as it does right now.

"Shit." Namjoon clicks his teeth when he finally gets out of the building and breathes in the fresh air. He is exhausted, but his day isn't about to be over, no. On his way back to his office, he finds Yunho speaking to a few colleagues in the courtyard. He must have gotten out of a meeting and was walking his visitors out.

And Namjoon doesn't give a fuck. That visit is ending now.

"Professor Kim! It's an honor to see you in the flesh!" Namjoon smiles at his guests before returning the favor.

"Hi there." Namjoon does a curt bow. "Hope you've enjoyed your visit."

"Completely. We had a great collaboration meeting with Professor Jeong here, and he gave us a tour around."

"That's great, yeah." Namjoon smiles before looking at Yunho. "Can we talk in my office?" Namjoon says near Yunho's ear. "Now?"

"Sure." Yunho bids his last farewell before excusing himself and following Namjoon straight to his office. No words being spoken or shared. Namjoon shuts the door and sighs, looking at Yunho with his hand on his hip. "What's going on, Joon?"

"I'm just trying to understand why you and Iseul are trying so hard to ruin that man's reputation. The dean told me Iseul went over there to give him more of her little intel on San."

"I don't know what she said or did—"

"You still knew about it, didn't you?" Namjoon looks at him. "You knew this whole time Iseul was trying to raise hell about this and you let her."

"How is this not wrong?"

"No one said it wasn't wrong, Yunho!" Namjoon raises his tone. "There were just better ways to go about it than throwing San's name out there the way you two did. Just throwing him out there to the wolves without even knowing the full story. That's the problem!"

"I'm sorry, it doesn't seem like it now, but we were looking out for him and everyone else potentially involved."

"Except me. If you knew better, you both would've let me handle this accordingly. This doesn't just affect him, Yunho. It affects you both. It affects me. It affects Y/N, Jongho, everyone. Because you both didn't know how to be discreet about your plans to bring San down."

"It was never like that!"

"Then, what was it like? Tell me. As his colleague, as someone who acted purely for their own benefit, what was it like? As San's ex-bestfriend, what was it like?" Yunho doesn't respond. "This isn't high school, Yunho. I'm sorry, but the both of you need to grow up."

"We just tried to do the right thing and I don't take any of it back. If you fail to see that, then that's on you—"

"Oh, so approaching the dean to give him more talk in his ear with your so-called evidence before coming to me is doing the right thing?" Namjoon looks at him. "What was the goal here? What did this plan look like to you and Iseul?” He shakes his head. “No, actually, I don't wanna hear it, she already came into my office to talk my ear off about this. That should've been enough to let me handle it." Namjoon furrows his brows at him.

"We just thought we were helping everyone—"

"Helping? Yourself or Iseul?" Namjoon shakes his head. "You know what, this is done. The damage is done. So, thank you and Iseul for your generous help." Yunho sighs. "Now that you've done all the talking, it's my turn." Joon steps closer to him. "As long as I'm around, I'll continue to keep the peace in this department, and that means I don't want you and Iseul meddling in San's personal matters ever again." Namjoon's jaw ticks as he and Yunho stare at each other in the brief pause that falls between them. "I don't want you meddling in Y/N's personal matters, I don't want you two doing anything on this campus besides running your labs and minding your own goddamn business. Do you understand me?" Namjoon places his hands on his hips while he and Yunho maintain eye contact. Yunho swallows thickly before nodding, digging his hands in his pockets.

"Yes sir."

"The next time you and Iseul wanna act like I don't know how to do my job, I promise I'll be good with reminding you."

—read 14.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

191 notes · View notes

host-club-hq · 2 hours ago

Text

wow i’ve never actually been tagged in one of these. i know it’s been quiteeee a while since ive posted so i thought maybe this might be fun? i might be writing a more serious less fun post but… yeah not right now lol

favorite color: purple, like a lavender, ironically kyoya’s lavender haha

currently reading: V for Vendetta for a class, and i just finished Black Klansman which was really interesting actually

last song: oooh uhmmmm… i think it was Change pt. by RM

last movie: aha… Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail…. listen my boyfriend and i thought it would be funny we’ve started liking the Madea movies

last series: The Office on REPEAT specifically the superfan episode version on Peacock there’s genuinely so much they removed and i can see why YIKES

sweet/savory/spicy: ooooo don’t get me on food rn i’m at the point in my calorie deficit where i have to be ok with going to bed hungry but god i’d kill for something savory right about now

craving/s: DO NOT do this to me, i’m craving being skinny!!!!!!! (seafood boil…)

tea/coffee: neither, actually. i want to get into tea but something about a floral taste i just cannot get behind

currently working on: haha… see, it’s actually a really funny story— listen, i WANT to be working on Indeed, i just have sooooo much going on right now i forget tumblr exists, and i took a scriptwriting class that actually debilitated my ability to write and i’m not gonna talk about it because i’m very upset but i’m getting back into the practice!

ooh no i do not have any tumblr friends but let’s see

tagging: @lazylittledragon @borathae @jungshookz ok i’m sorry for breaking the rule of 9 but i only follow ppl who i reaaaaally look up to their fic writing so they’re all too famous to be my friends guys

rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @indrid-hot - thanks a bunch!

Favorite Color: A nice, warm, sunny orange - but also honestly most other colors of the rainbow and then some.

Currently Reading: The Tevinter Nights Dragon Age short story collection.

Last Song: L'appuntamento - Ornella Vanoni

Last Movie: Ah, gosh. HM. I haven't watched anything that's not a TV show in a while. I semi-voluntarily caught the last fifteen minutes of Scrooged over the winter holidays I guess?

Last Series: Last series I watched any part of is, as always, "Emergency!" because I will never not be stuck in 70's paramedic hell. If we're talking new-to-me shows, a friend's making me watch Grey's Anatomy (early seasons) once a week, probably because observing my growing despair about the characters' poor life choices is fun. I don't even normally watch medical shows, and yet here we are lol

Sweet, Savoury, Spicy: Savory if I had to pick

Craving: Some good spaghetti with olive oil and obscene amounts of lightly toasted garlic.

Tea/Coffee: Yes please, lol

Currently working on: OH BOY WHAT A QUESTION.

Spinning: Gotland on my spindles (4-ply, one single per spindle, for funsies - except I accidentally mixed up which bits of fiber go with which single on which spindle, so that'll be fun to sort out...), 7oz/200g of red Merino on the wheel (for a crochet hat, followed by 9.5 oz of red and black Merino for a woven scarf). But also 24.5oz/700g of grey Merino. And cotton on the supported spindle. And I've got some laceweight viscose on the mini turkish spindle that I should really work on...

Crocheting: Half a dozen things, including a lacy collar that needs buttons and blocking, a gigantic star-shaped wrap-around shawl, an incredibly boring granny square top for my little sister, and too many others to count.

Art: The Emergency! tarot as the eternal never-ending WIP; I also have some Dragon Age Veilguard related plans revolving around the Grand Necropolis and irl Catacomb Saints and I'd love to get some DA-style tarot cards done for all my player characters.

Writing: I still have a couple unfinished fanfics that need another chapter, as well as two deeply self-indulgent OC/Emergency! crossovers that friends are making me write, and I also have some Dragon Age stuff in the works - though if anyone will ever see that is another question entirely.

Music: Practicing various stuff for LARP; also slowly chipping away at Hozier's Work Song because my partner asked nicely.

With no pressure, I will tag: @geminyde, @caseyscraftycorner, @swords-n-spindles, @alpacazappa, @rosesonneptune, @rose-of-pollux, @zooarchaeologyatdinner, @kalikatze aaaaand I can't decide on a 9th person to tag so whoever wants to do this: You're It!

589 notes · View notes

radsoldier · 1 day ago

Text

you're a bad idea - Part 2

Pairing: Cairo Sweet x Dom!Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N tries to avoid Cairo while the latter finds herself falling deeper.

Words: 1.1k

Warnings: cursing

a/n: hi guys, sorry for the eternal delay but a lot of shit happened and i'm not sure how i made it out alive but hey! i'm back! anyway, hope you enjoy :)

(poem's "did you think i was a city" by rupi kaur)

part 1

You were never one for gossip. You were simply not interested. Being the center of rumors for as long as you could remember was no fun at all so when all the stories about Cairo hit your ears you were annoyed. You didn’t really care if it was true or not, it was none of your business. But you knew she was bad news and that’s why you chose to let things cool off and tried your best to ignore her.

You moved here to avoid drama, to start fresh or however your old therapist would like to call it. You knew you were just running away from it all.

_______________________________________________________________________________

A week later, soft rain was pouring as you got off your bike, some students scrambling to get to class before getting soaked.

You opted for lighting up a cigarette under the small roof right at the entrance. You were already late, might as well enjoy the little time you had outside of the college halls.

Wishing you had stopped for some coffee, you started walking towards the library, not feeling like enduring another creative writing lecture. It felt like the perfect excuse to keep avoiding Cairo. And you also had to rehearse your piece for the poetry reading later today.

“Fuck me” you thought.

________________________________________________________________________________

Cairo was annoyed. No, she was outraged. You were ignoring her yet she couldn’t keep her thoughts from drifting to you. It was torture, you were pestering her mind like she had no control over it. She hated it. She hated how you seemed unfazed every time you caught her staring while she had to hold her breath as if even the smallest movement would make you disappear. She had replayed your interaction over and over in her head getting little to no answer as to why you could go from hot to cold just like that. It made no sense to her.

That’s why when your professor asked for someone to deliver some notes on your most recent work, she volunteered to be the one doing it.

He told her where to find you, given that he knew about your poetry reading and she began to gather all her things and started walking toward the auditorium.

She hesitated at the slightly open door, the dim light making her unsure but the sound of your voice coming from the inside was enough to shake her doubts and stride into the room.

“Did you think I was a city

big enough for a weekend getaway.” you paused.

“I am the town surrounding it

the one you’ve never heard of

but always pass through.”

“There are no neon lights here

no skyscrapers or statues

but there is thunder

for I make bridges tremble.

I am not street meat, I am homemade jam

thick enough to cut the sweetest

thing your lips will touch.” you glanced around the room, letting the words sink in.

“I am not police sirens

I am the crackle of a fireplace.

I’d burn you and you still

couldn't take your eyes off me

cause I’d look so beautiful doing it

you'd blush.” Cairo was taken aback by the emotion in your voice.

“I am not a hotel room I am home

I am not the whiskey you want

I am the water you need.

Don’t come here with expectations

and try to make a vacation out of me.”

you finished as the few people in the room stood up, clapping.

“You never cease to amaze me, Y/N” a young professor started. “Can’t wait to read your small piece for your assignment” he smiled like you were the only one in the room.

Cairo watched as you exchanged pleasantries with a few peers, looking relieved when someone else took the spotlight. And then you saw her. Doe-eyed and slightly parted lips, she looked like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t.

“What are you doing here, Sweet?” you spat.

She tried to hide her disappointment at your cold demeanor but you could see the small changes in her face even if it was just for a split second.

“Professor Brooks wanted me to give this to you” she said, gesturing towards the folder she held out. ��You know, since tomorrow is the deadline and he left some corrections and notes for you”

“Fuck” you sighed.

Only then did she look at you, a teasing glint in her eyes, the ghost of a smile over her full lips. You took the folder from her, your hands barely touching. The moment felt charged, none of you ready to break the eye contact. It was almost like both of you were fighting to see which one would cave in first.

You cleared your throat.

“Thank you”

She nodded, not saying a word before leaving the room as you stood there, still reeling from the tingling sensation you felt when your hands touched.

‘Did she feel it too?’ you thought.

________________________________________________________________________________

Cairo laid awake well past midnight. Her laptop long forgotten on the side of her bed, a cigarette on her lips. Her thoughts kept drifting towards a certain someone.

You were right: you had burned her, yet she couldn’t take her eyes off you.

Your eyes haunted her, that piercing stare that made her feel like she couldn’t hide from you even as you were a complete mystery to her. It was unnerving.

She remembered how your hands moved during your reading. The same hands that held her waist and throat just a week ago. The very same hands she couldn’t stop dreaming about, doing unholy things to her.

She kept thinking about your low, rough voice and how good it would sound moaning her name.

God, she needed to get laid.

It had been a while since she felt this kind of obsession over someone. Last time didn’t end well. It kind of scared her, in retrospective, the lengths she was willing to go in the past. But this time it was different, she could feel it. Or maybe it was just a stupid white lie she told herself so she could avoid the guilt that was slowly eating her up.

That night Cairo dreamt about you.

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x female reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega imagine #jenna ortega x you #cairo sweet x female reader #cairo sweet x reader #tara carpenter x female reader #wednesday addams x fem!reader #cairo sweet

54 notes · View notes

traincat · 2 days ago

Note

i’d pay you real money for that “maybe baby” fic.

You can have it for free, but I do have a ko-fi if anyone is interested: https://ko-fi.com/traincat.

Anyway, the baby fic! Based on Fantastic Four Annual 2010, set nebulously post-Secret Wars (2015). I started this in 2016, so we didn't have any definitive answers for the Fantastic Four's return, but it's not really relevant to the fic anyway. I'm still putting together a list of the other WIPs I'm willing to release, but this is one is easy, so here it is.

Baby fic!

***

a torch for you @JSTORM 1h well this is still less complicated than the time i rescued a highlander

a torch for you @JSTORM 1h aw she likes her uncle benjy @clobberintime #rockstar

a torch for you @JSTORM 1h good thing about this is @peterbparker never checks his phone so he's still gonna be surprised

The first thing Peter registered was the vaguely defensive look on Johnny's face. The second was the baby.

"Wherever you found it, you put it back right now," he said.

The look Johnny gave him was venomous. "Oh, sure. Let me just toss the helpless infant back where she came from! What a great idea, thank you, Peter!"

"I'll get the portal ready," Val said. She was sitting crosslegged way on the other end of the room, holding a tablet computer like a shield and eyeing the baby like she might try to bite her.

"Shush," Johnny said, but it wasn't clear whether he meant it for the baby or Val or possibly for Peter, whose jaw had started making a strange grinding noise of its own volition.

Peter leaned forward to get a better look. The baby had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes and she was squirming in Johnny's arms even as he hummed and hushed and bounced her up and down, still dressed in his costume. She was so small, wrapped in what looked like one of the shock blankets from the Fantasticar's emergency kit.

"If I put her down, she starts to cry," Johnny confessed.

Peter's heart was doing something disturbingly close to melting. He tugged off a glove and reached out with tentative fingers, stroking soft cheek and wispy dark hair. The baby yawned, barely batting an eye.

Peter looked at Johnny and said, "Why are you doing this to me?"

Johnny wasn't looking at him, though - his gaze was fixed on the baby, eyes soft.

"Look, Peter, you need to know before this part gets out - Reed ran all the tests. She's mine, Pete."

That threw Peter for a loop, but looking for traces of Johnny in the baby's face - yeah, he could see it.

"How? And don't tell me the usual way. Where did she come from?"

Johnny told him: the club, the girl, the supervillain. Peter hissed in sympathy when he hit the part about Psycho Woman spending two months hanging around in Johnny’s brain, touching his fingers to Johnny's temple. Johnny's voice wavered as he got to the end: the fall, the jump, Amy's disappearance through time.

"But time travel's weird. And we've torn everything apart and rebuilt it so many times… Amy never came back after she made the temporal jump," Johnny said, sliding Peter a cautious look, like he thought he might - what, upset? "I've gone looking for her before, but if she was out there, she didn't want me to find her. And then today we were just looking between dimensions, you know?"

"Just your typical Sunday," Peter said, mouth on autopilot while the rest of him was stunned. Johnny's child, here, safe in Johnny's arms - and to think Peter had swung in to ask about dinner and beating up the Shocker.

"Reed found traces of a familiar cosmic radiation signature," Johnny said, shaking his head. "Mine. And then we found her."

"So," Peter echoed, feeling lost. "She's yours. Really yours."

"Yeah," Johnny said, nodding. "She was all alone and in between. But she's alive and she's mine."

Peter leaned his head against Johnny's. "She's a little small for the Future Foundation."

"Well, the weird thing is," Johnny said, smiling, "they don't stay that way for long."

Val put the tablet down and said, "Oh come on, are we seriously not going to throw her back?"

Peter Parker @peterbparker 15m he promised me life would never be boring…

It had been at the end of the world. The incursion had been fast approaching, and this time - this time Peter could feel it in his bones. The end, just over the horizon.

It had scared him more than he ever wanted to admit.

"You're coming with us," Johnny had told him in a voice that brooked no argument. He'd caught Peter's hands in his own inhumanly warm ones, squeezing. "Reed says we'll have time once we're beyond. We'll work something out. We can fix it."

Peter had wanted it, so badly - but. Always the but.

"I should stay with the city. You've got room for, what, a hundred people?"

"Sixty," Johnny admitted, forehead creased in worry. "Peter - you're one of the big brains. You belong with us."

"One of, but not big enough," Peter said. "You need my spot for someone smarter, someone who can help fix this -"

The kiss had been unexpected, a tentative thing, just the soft press of Johnny's lips against his masked mouth, Johnny's fingertips careful as anything underneath his chin.

"You're family," he said, breaking apart, his forehead resting against Peter's. "And you're coming with us. We'll have time."

Peter took a deep shuddering breath and said, "Okay."

He let himself have this one selfish thing, standing on top of the Statue of Liberty with Johnny Storm the day before the end of the world.

He let himself be selfish, and then the raft split apart and Johnny paid the price. He knew it deep in his bones, every second he watched Johnny fall away. Maybe that was why he didn't say anything when they were returned safe and sound to their own world. Or maybe it was cowardice, him waiting for Johnny to make the first move a second time. Maybe it was the way he still remembered blinking the spots from his eyes down in Battleworld, staring at the sun in search of a familiar face.

It didn't matter. He had Parker Industries, and Johnny had moved on with Medusa. Peter had gotten one kiss at their usual spot - if that was all he was granted, well, it was more than enough for two lifetimes. He could live with it.

Except he lost the company, Medusa worked it out with Black Bolt, the missing members of the Fantastic Family returned with a fairly literal bang, and Johnny and Peter ended up crash landing in a rooftop hotel pool.

Parker Luck, doing its very finest.

He'd taken the brunt of the hit, thankful for it - he was more durable than flamed-off Johnny - but the rush of cold water made him gasp, fighting his way to the surface. Johnny surfaced beside him, gasping, and Peter grabbed a handful of his collar. He dragged them both to the shallow end as tourists scattered left and right.

"We're fine, thanks for asking!" Peter shouted after them. "Can anybody grab me a towel?" Johnny was laughing by the time Peter collapsed against the steps, languishing in knee deep water. "New Yorkers. What's so funny?"

"You," Johnny said, looking at Peter with shining eyes. He started laughing again when Peter groaned, shoulders shaking with it. Peter slid a hand over the back of his head, checking for bumps.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Peter said. He told himself to take his hand off Johnny, but he didn't. He just kept touching him, pushing Johnny's soaked hair up off his forehead. Johnny was staring at him, all traces of humor gone from his face. Now or never. Peter swallowed hard. "Johnny, you know I -"

"Just shut up," Johnny said, climbing into Peter's lap. He shoved Peter's soaked mask up over the bridge of his nose, twining his arms around Peter's neck. "Shut up, shut, god, Pete, why don't you ever say anything important?"

The kiss made Peter's head spin -and he had to grab Johnny by the shoulders and put some considerable strength into prying him off just long enough so he could talk.

"Me? What about you?" he said. "I thought - you never said anything when we got back."

"What about me?" Johnny said, pouting a little when Peter wouldn't let him lean forward again. "You're supposed to be the smart one."

Peter couldn't argue with that without walking straight into a trap.

"Dammit," he said, and pulled Johnny back on top of him until security showed up.

May Parker-Jameson @mayparker 3m When you learn important family news from TWITTER of all places

"May - May, I am telling you, I did not know about this," Peter said, standing in the doorway with the phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear, one hand in his hair, the other on his hip. "Because I'm pretty sure you knew before me, is why. No, I don't know - I got home and he was holding a baby, okay, that is the extent of the story. He found her. Yeah, like, with a dog - I'm not calling your grandchild a dog, your grandchild, what, whose side are you on?!"

Johnny was laughing at him from the other room, which he thought was completely unfair. Peter threw strangling motions at him, scowling. Johnny stuck his tongue out. The baby cooed.

"Can I put him on the phone? Can I make him explain this to you?" he said, listing to the side until his head hit the doorframe.

"Hi, May!" Johnny called cheerfully, making the baby wave. He was a monster and Peter deeply hated his coalition with his aunt. He zoned back in time to hear "- you're my nephew, I want to hear it from you."

"I'm your nephew, yeah, but he's the one who went time hopping and found his kid." He sobered, rubbing at his forehead. "Honestly, May, I'm telling you, I know as much as you do."

"Well, I could do with knowing her name," May said, clucking her tongue.

Peter blanked. He cupped a hand over the receiver and leaned forward. "Johnny. What's her name?"

Johnny blinked, then looked down at the baby. "Um."

"Yeah, May?" Peter said into the phone. "We're actually going to have to get back to you on that one."

Jennifer Walters @jenatlaw 30m Some days it's just not worth your custom ordered MAC foundation. "Crocodile” btw.

Jennifer Walters @jenatlaw 30m Told the woman I was really more of a shark. She didn't laugh. It's not easy being green, folks.

Jen dropped off paperwork with a lot of eyerolling, a threat of resignation, and an order that the baby be kept away from her.

"This is Stella McCartney," she said, gesturing to her blazer. "You keep that thing out of range."

"Hey!" Johnny protested.

(...)

Jen gave the baby one last warning look and then whirled out on her heels, moloid kids flocking in her wake.

"Auntie Jen is a scary Hulk," Johnny told the baby. The baby gurgled in agreement.

"Auntie Jen heard that!" Jen yelled from the hall. "Start with picking a name! Jennifer's a great one!"

"Have you considered Petunia?" Ben asked nonchalantly.

"I have never and will never consider Petunia," Johnny said blithely. "Next suggestion."

"Howzabout Benjamina?" said Ben.

"No," Johnny said. Peter made a hemming noise and he repeated, forcefully, "No."

"Benita?" Ben said, rocky brows raised high. Peter stifled a snicker with a fake cough, ducking his head.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Johnny asked Ben, scowling.

"I came back from space for this family and this is the treatment I get," Ben grumbled, getting up off the sofa. He paused in the doorway, looking back over his shoulder. His gaze went all soft at the sight of Johnny and the baby. Peter couldn't blame him. "Hey, kid. I'm really happy for ya."

Johnny looked up at him and smiled, tired and real. "Love you too, Rocky."

Ben heaved a great sigh like Johnny's love was some kind of terrible life sentence - Peter knew the feeling - and left the room.

"This is hard," Johnny said, throwing his head back. The baby was asleep in his arms, blissful in her ignorance. "Can I conference in Victor?"

"Please don't," Peter said. He stroked the baby's soft, downy hair with one gentle finger, feeling an equal mix of awe and terror. "Marie?"

"Like Mary?" Johnny said, contemplative. "My mom's name was Mary."

Peter shifted. "Uh, sure. But also like - Marie Curie?"

Johnny looked up at him, eyes narrowed. "Are you serious?"

"She discovered two elements!" Peter said, defensive.

"She died from radiation poisoning!" Johnny said. "I don't care if it worked out for you!"

(...)

"Just in the grand plan for my life, this is not how I thought it'd go," Peter said.

"And then you got bit by a radioactive spider and all the rules went out the window," Johnny said, yawning. "Old news. Pete, you know I'd never ask you to do anything you're not ready for. I want this, but if you don't -"

The sincerity on his face was unbearable. Peter cupped a hand to his face and shut him up the only way that ever really worked.

"Aimee," Johnny said at last. His head fell to Peter’s shoulder; Peter curled a hand in his hair. "After her mom."

"I like it," Peter said, watching her sleep. "Aimee it is."

Aimee Benni Storm was what was written on the birth certificate in the end. Johnny looked Peter straight in the eye and said, "You tell Ben and you're a dead man."

(...)

"See?" Sue said, humming. "Living with the in-laws has its perks. I remember this age - it's a good one. Just wait 'til they can talk back."

"I love you," Peter told her. "Leave Reed and run away with me to Majorca."

Sue smirked, leaning over to palm his cheek. "You're adorable."

"Whoa," Miles said, flipping out of nowhere and matching his swing with Peter's. "Is that a baby?"

"Here," Peter said. "Why don't you hold her for a sec?"

"Oh, I don't, um, okay, wow, hi, baby," Miles stammered when Peter didn't give him much of a choice. Aimee was a sucker for anyone in webs, so Miles ended up making alarmed sounds when tiny hands tried to grab his mask. "When did you get a baby?"

"She's the Human Torch's baby, technically," Peter said, stretching.

Miles looked down, clearly alarmed through the mask. "Is she gonna light on fire too?"

Aimee cooed.

"Nah," Peter said, arms high above his head. "Probably not."

"Peter!" Miles said.

"I am like 98% sure she will remain flame free," Peter said. "But fine, give her back."

Peter was pretty sure the only reason Miles didn't thrust Aimee back was because he was too afraid to make any sudden moves. She made a sleepy, annoyed noise when Peter lifted her from Miles's arms.

"Why do you have the Human Torch's baby?" Miles asked, a very quiet version of shouting.

(...)

"Last chance to keep her," Peter said.

"I'm good," Miles said.

“Okay,” Sue said when she found them in the kitchen at three in the afternoon. Johnny was still in pajamas; Peter was wearing half his spider-suit. Aimee was wearing brunch. “Enough is enough. When was the last time either you left this building?”

“Carjacking,” Peter said, yawning. “Guy dressed like a possum knocking over a Chase. Do I need to go on?”

Johnny was trying to get mashed banana out of his hair. “I don’t know, I think I did something - Tuesday? Was it Tuesday? I had that interview.”

“You cancelled that interview,” Sue told him.

“Huh,” said Johnny, then made an outraged squawking noise when Sue swept in and grabbed the baby from him. “Hey!”

“You’re going out tonight,” Sue said, eyes narrowed. “Together.”

Johnny and Peter stared at each other.

“Together, like, him and me?” Peter said, gesturing between them.

“I think we used to do that,” Johnny said faintly.

“Save the comedy routine,” Sue told them, bouncing Aimee in her arms. All the mashed banana didn’t seem to bother her. She jerked her chin first at Johnny, then at Peter. “You, put on something nice. You - try to do the same. I’m making a reservation for you someplace nice, without supervillains or babies.”

“Do we have to?” Peter asked.

“Can’t we just sleep instead?” Johnny said.

“No,” Sue said. “It’ll be good for you.”

“This is not paying me back for all the times I babysat for you!” Johnny called after her as she carried Aimee from the kitchen down the hall.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sue said. “Ben owes me a favor.”

Johnny scowled at her back. “She took my baby.”

“Aw no,” Peter said, plucking at his spandex. “I’m going to have to wear a dinner jacket, aren’t I.”

Peter came through the door so tired he couldn't see straight, only to have a baby shoved into his arms. Aimee gurgled happily when Peter's arms came up around her automatically.

"Oh no," he said. "Johnny, I'm about to fall over -"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," Johnny said, not sounding very sorry at all. He leaned into kiss Peter - that Peter kissed back was muscle memory, he was pretty sure, because the only thing he felt towards Johnny in that second was the sleep-deprived urge to strangle. "I've got that photoshoot, remember? I'll be back soon, I promise. Love you!"

Peter watched him go with narrowed eyes.

"Should we tell him his shirt's on backwards, Firebug?" he asked Aimee. She put her head down against his shoulder with an annoyed sounding little sigh. "No? No." He hummed to her, heading for the couch. "I'm gonna go evil and I'm gonna kill your dad, yes I am. This is my supervillain origin story."

(...)

"Peter? Are you awake?" Franklin whispered.

"M'just resting my eyes," Peter replied.

"Okay," Franklin said hesitantly. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Peter cracked an eye open. "Do you have a Galactus stashed in the basement?"

"No," Franklin said, looking a little put out about it.

"Then go for it," Peter said, yawning.

Franklin was quiet for so long Peter had almost drifted off when he spoke.

"When Dad and Mr. Reece and I were putting the universes back the way they should be… I know I wasn’t supposed to, but I knew Uncle Johnny was going to be lonely without us, and I think I maybe accidentally gave him Aimee back."

Peter rolled over onto his back, fully awake now. He stared at the ceiling for a long moment, thoughts tumbling - how unfair it was that any kid in the universe should be able to do what Franklin could. How glad he was that if any kid could, it was Franklin.

"But I think I messed up," Franklin said. "She didn't end up where she was supposed to."

(...)

"Okay," Peter said, "I know this might not be the best kind for this conversation -"

"You are gifted with the understatement!" Johnny shouted as he streaked by a little too close for comfort, a rush of flames and heat.

"Spidey," Johnny said, swooping down to hover in front of him. "Get to the point, please."

"My point," Peter said, as best as he could with Johnny so bright and so hot and so close, "is that we might need a nanny."

Johnny turned his face towards him, his eyes glowing embers and his face barely more than an outline in flickering flames - and then he burst out laughing.

"Oh," he said, darting away. He circled a group of bugs, leaving them huddled together and clacking while Ben bagged them. "Now he wants a nanny. Do you believe this?"

(...)

Ben Grimm @clobberintime 1m when you wanna watch the game and the marrieds + kid are asleep on the couch. what a revoltin development.

Peter woke slowly, drifting in and out of consciousness, too warm and content to care.

"Ben took a photo of us and put it on the internet," Johnny said, waving his phone.

***

And that's the WIP! Not much action, just Johnny and Peter being cute with a baby.

#*replies #spideytorch #myfic

85 notes · View notes

shanklin · 2 days ago

Note

What if Stan gives shanklin a mini-Mr. Mystery outfit!

The two be twinning!

Also I was thinking what if Stan has a slow arc of learning how to be comfortable or trust adults again.

For reasons he can’t explain, he has a hard time being able to talk to adult men, his heart pounds faster, he feels a little queasy, and his palms get sweaty. Soos is a unexpected exception, with Soos, maybe it’s his more relaxed personality or the way that Soos sits with him and treats Stan like a friend, that makes Stan relax around him.

However for someone new like Melody, not only do Stan’s insecurities flare up, but so does his fight, flight, freeze or fawn instincts activate as well.

Melody feels like a threat to him at first, but gradually, Stan starts to feel safe with her too.

Also the Grunks & Grants,

In a way, their flaws give them room to grow and self reflect. By realizing their mistakes they made with Stan, maybe they themselves can learn to heal from past wounds.

I kinda think of this scene where Mabel finally figured out she messed up, the core problem of why Stan no longer trusts her. The realization came after something mundane, she was watching a parent with their kid, and their kid is throwing a tantrum.

So Mabel goes in to help. Another person who is watching, remarks how the kid is being selfish and should shut up. The parent of the kid though, defends their kid, and says,

“How about you shut up! Kids are allowed to be selfish! That’s the point of being a kid. If you make mistakes and learn and grow but you can’t do that if you’re self less all the time.”

That when it sort of clicks entirely for Mabel as she says in a quiet, broken voice, “They…are?”

The parent, looks over to Mabel and says, “I’ve knew someone who gave away every part of themselves, until there was nothing left. Seeing that… it’s heartbreaking to see someone become that. I refuse to let my kid, restrict themselves or keep from being who they are.”

I want to see a slow arc of Stan on rocky waters with Dipper and Mabel and eventually build that bond back up.

Speaking of slow rebuilding, like Ford and Stan, man.

Maybe Ford is frustrated because he doesn’t know his brother anymore and it feels like their bond is estranged. Ford is in denial trying to think everything is fine but knows deep down that he doesn’t know how to fix this. Also maybe there’s a certain bit of jealousy of Soos and Missy Gleeful who are able to get along better with Stan now. That’s supposed to be his twin, sure Ford wanted space, but he also misses his brother. But he doesn’t know the right words or actions to get them to reconcile, to get Stan to look him in the eyes. Or for Stan to stop looking all jumpy all the time.

Also the thing with Missy Gleeful is incredibly interesting!!! Like since the two can bond over bad dads, maybe the two start to learn how to unravel and be kids again. Maybe Missy Gleeful helps Stan’s business in secret.

Oh and Wendy!! What ideas should we do with Wendy?

Selfish Shellfish AU - Masterpost

Oh dear anon, this is a mess of a reply and I couldn't keep my thoughts straight. But here you go. A long answer for a long ask.

Stan & the Adults

That’s exactly what I need. And I need it to hurt. For every step forward they move two steps back.

The heartbreaking thing is, Stan doesn’t blame them. Hell, Stan doesn’t blame Filbrick for being hard on him. They were just trying to help him. To fix him.

How does Stan repay his family? By killing the one person who stayed with him through everything and avoiding and disappointing the others. Stan was supposed to be better by now, more grown up so they want him around and now look at him.

He’s a good for nothing murderer who convinced a guy, who is too nice to know any better, to take him in and when he gets the chance to go back to his family and prove to them that he can still be better and regrets his actions, he runs away. He hides at Soos’ house and refuses to see them.

He cannot lose them again, so he leaves them first instead.

Stan living with Soos would also mean the Pines might get the wrong idea.

Who is this creep? He can’t just kidnap Stan! Is Stan having Stockholm Syndrome?

They already found out some of what happened in New Jersey and want to help. But they make it worse. And then Ford remembers the whole “Extra Stan 3$ or better offer” debacle and comes to the conclusion that Filbrick might’ve sold Stan to Soos and then Soos killed Filbrick to make sure Stan has no where to return to.

The accusations get worse and worse and Stan is cornered. With no way out, he explodes and lets more slip than he meant to, which throws him into a panic attack.

Neither Dipper, nor Mabel, not even Ford can calm him down and it’s Soos who tells them to step back and give him some space. Then they catch a glimpse of Stan clinging to Soos like his life depends on it [something Stan will deny until his dying breath] and realise it might be for the best if Stan stays with Soos for now.

I'm all here for Stan being scared of other adults. Especially now that he’s not with Filbrick anymore and has time to calm down and process.

He would be terrified of Dipper and Maybel and not understand why. They are safe. He loves them. They never hurt him. Why is he sure they will?

On a slightly different note, Stan being afraid of Melody is as heartbreaking as it is funny to me. He’s a little scared kitten hissing at her and hiding, while she does absolutely nothing that could be considered threatening. But then she starts feeding him and her sandwiches are really delicious, so maybe she's not so bad.

I keep imagining Stan to be younger and younger and this. Poor boy is aging backwards in my mind.

[...Actually doing a whole thing where Stan gets deaged and is also mentally a small child but with all of his memories intact would be such sweet torture. One of my favourite tropes. It also would give us an older brother Ford who is actually older than Stan mentally. I’d read the shit out of it. ahhhh]

I absolutely love the scene you have in mind for Mabel. I’m SHAKING YOU. AHHHHH!

Yes YES. Realising that you might actually be part of the problem, it’s terrifying and extremely hard to come to terms with. You didn‘t want to be the bad guy. Your intentions were all good. This isn’t fair! You didn’t mean to!

Stan & Ford

Stan and Ford's whole relationship is just this song on repeat. Simply switch the piano out for a ship and we’re good.

From the outside Stan looks fine at first. He’s making other friends in Soos and Missy and avoids Ford. It just proves to Ford what he always knew. Stan would’ve been better off without his freak of a brother holding him back. Maybe Stan not visiting him wasn’t because of Filbrick after all.

Okay but honestly, I feel so bad for Ford. He just wanted to have some space, friends and things for himself and in the process failed to see how much Stan was hurting, especially considering they both got bad advice from their trusted adults. Suddenly, he lost his best friend. However by the time Ford realised it, Stan had started to come up with excuses not to visit and Ford had no guideline to deal with that, so he resorted back to what he’s been told by the adults in his life. And here we are.

The thing is, the only way for Stan to open up to Mabel and Dipper is if he first fixes things with Ford.

What I need is for Ford, Mabel and Dipper to fall apart over their inability to make things right with Stan. It gets bad. They’re not talking and blaming each other. Ford eventually spends as much time as possible away from the house.

And where better to spend his time than his secret hiding spot. A small cave by the late. It might not be so secret anymore though as he keeps finding evidence that someone else has been coming here as well recently.

One day, after another fight over what to do about Stan, he finds someone at his secret cave.

It’s Stanley. Of course Stanley is the one who has been coming here as well. Ford should've known. It’s such a them thing to do. Or at least it used to be.

Stanley has been crying. When he notices Ford he jumps up and moves to leave but then their eyes meet for the first time in three years and Stan’s whole demeanor shifts.

Why is Ford crying? Who hurt him? Who does Stan need to beat up?

Ford starts sobbing and Stan is at loss as to what to do.

Ford asks him to stay just in case the bullies come back and his brother hesitantly agrees.

They don’t talk. Ford is too scared to break the silence. Everytime he attempted to talk before, Stan would block him out or escape. Stan doesn’t seem to be in a mood for it either. He’s too tense and twitchy, but he stays until the sun begins to set and tells Ford he has to go or Soos will be worried.

They walk back together and when the path splits Ford thanks Stanley for keeping him company.

Stan hesitates.

“Is - is everything alright at home?”

Ford smiles.

“Yes, don’t worry about it, Stanley. Just some bullies from school.”

They go their separate ways. There is no goodbye, no see you later, but the next day both boys meet up again at the lake.

It’s a slow and quiet thing, getting to know each other. They both changed, became different people and both are not yet ready to address what happened to them.

Instead, almost subconsciously, they start collecting wood and other tools and bring them to their base. They don’t discuss what they’re doing, but when Ford starts drawing up blueprints Stan is there ith him making his own suggestions and adjustments.

The boat they’re trying to build looks nothing like the one they found back in Jersey. And maybe that’s for the best. The old boat’s keel had already been cracked when they started the repairs. The Stan-o-War I was never destined to last.

They don’t know if the new boat will be able to sail either, or if it will leave them drowning at sea, but they give it their best shot.

Over the next weeks, months, their boat starts to take shape. They talk more and they fight, and it hurts and some days they refuse to even look at each other, but they still keep working on their boat, until one day they realise it's ready to set sail.

(They had to postpone the sailing for another day. They couldn’t stop crying. But that's okay, it’s a secret they keep to themselves.)

This all happened at their little hidden spot by the lake. No one else knows. Not their friends, not the adults.

Grunkle Dipper and Grauntie Mabel have no idea what’s going on with Ford, just that he is leaving the house much more frequently and longer than usual. They decide to keep their fighting to a minimum and try to apologize to Ford. He’s been struggling much more than them. They were…really selfish.

Meanwhile Stan wants to believe Ford when he tells him that Dipper and Mabel love him and want to apologize.

Ford slaps him over the head when Stan suggests that there is nothing to apologize for. It’s all his fault. Another slap.

Ouch, ouch, okay geez. Fine. Stan promised to trust Ford so he will do that. He is…just not quite ready to face them yet. As himself that is.

What I’m saying is, time for a twin switch! 😂

Ford makes it a point to only wear gloves at home, which worries Dipper and Mabel to no end, but nothing they do will persuade him to stop.

As soon as that very important plot hole has been solved, they do the switch. At first only for a couple of minutes, then longer. Fiddleford was kind enough to build them some spy gear so Ford can listen in and talk to Stan just in case things go south.

It works. Much better than expected. Stan gets used to his Grauntie and Grunkle again and starts seeing their past interactions in a different light.

Mabel and Dipper talk to “Ford” about how much they love Stan, how much they messed up, how sorry they are. And they chastise “Ford” when Stan offhandedly mentions that it was all Stan's fault to begin with.

Through all their talks and time spent together Stan somehow manages to fix what was broken between Mabel and Dipper and gets to learn more about their story and how it affected his own. And with understanding comes forgiveness.

One day, months later Mabel and Dipper come down for breakfast and see double.

“Could you pass me the maple syrup, Stan?”

“Why yes, Stan. Here you go”

Stan & Miss Gleefull

Just them hanging out and Missy just being really happy that Stan isn’t bothered by her need to clean every time she’s stressed or nervous. It’s the only way she knows how to cope. If she's cleaning she’s doing something useful. And if she's useful, there is no reason to shout at her. She can simply be ignored.

Just keep cleaning. Just keep cleaning.

Stanley doesn’t mind her quirks and skittish nature. He doesn’t make fun of her when they're outside and she pulls out a hand brush to clean the pavement because a loud noise startled her.

Instead, he steals some gloves for her to make sure she won't injure her hands on the sharp stones.

Stan is really sweet. She wishes she could do something for him as well, but there is no much use for her besides cleaning. So all she can do is listen when he finally talks about himself and everything that happened with his father.

She already knew, of course, that they were the same. His story changed nothing. Stan was still the same. He was still her friend, even if he worried she would leave him after his confession.

Missy just hums, offers to clean his hands and spends the rest of the afternoon doing just that.

They are both a bit strange and broken. But at least they have each other now.

Stan & Wendy

As for Wendy, same answer as with Soos XD

Have no idea what Wendy’s usual role in relativity falls is

I don’t care, don't tell me

Wendy is Wendy so in my mind she's at most a couple of years older than Stan. Still a teenager though

I kind of want her to be stressed out and miserable that she's once again forced to go to spend her summer at logging camp unless she finds a job by the end of the month.

And to make things worse the empty house she usually crashed at when she needed some space for herself is occupied, because the owner decided to return far earlier than usual and for some reason that one nerd from her school moved in as well?

I can’t think of anything specific right now, sorry. But I need Stan to offer her a job. Both Wendy and Soos are his people. His little found family, that Stan already had in canon before the twins arrived.

We all know everyone's 2nd or 3rd favourite episode where Stan teaches her how to steal, yeah?.

Of course we can switch it around and have Wendy be a cool aunt who teaches Stan how to steal and all that but meh. A tiny Stan, teaching her his ways would be much more fun to me.

I imagine Stan to be very well versed in stealing, considering how often Filbrick kicked him out for a night or two and he had to get himself food and supplies by other means. And no way he ever bought Stan any new clothes or other necessities. So stealing it was. Fun stuff.

And to close this mess of an answer off, have a quote from a certain other show about two brothers that I shamefully obsess over every now and then:

Kids ain't supposed to be grateful. They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart.

Nothing to add. That one is just here for the vibes.

#Selfish Shellfish AU #ask #stangst #stanley pines #stanford pines #gravity falls #relativity falls #this one was a struggle. nothing i wrote made any sense. but it is what if is.#if i have to read it over ome more time i'll just delete my answer XD #have fun :)

57 notes · View notes

newttxt · 2 days ago

Note

hi quip! i really like your one piece comics and i am curious how you do them! i'm not good at comics and want to be better at drawing them! how do you learn how to make comics?

thank you!

uh oh... im afraid u have caught me at the perfect crossroad of "bored at work" and "unrelated task ive been meaning to do but keep putting off."

this is long. i hope you like reading (and grayscale progress pics). and of course!!! disclaimer before we begin that this is just how I, personally draw comics. there is no "right way."

quip's comic-making process!

Switching my typing to make this more legible...

My process can kinda be broken down into 6 steps:

Brainstorming

Thumbnailing

Sketching

Panels & Text

Lines

Tones/Colors

1. Brainstorming

My brain is a leaky sieve on a good day, so I sloppily jot down ideas in my phone notes the moment I have them. This helps me when it's time to draw too, because if I feel art blocked, I can look through old concepts and see what catches my interest.

Otherwise, I love drawing for other people's writing. :) And if worst comes to worst, doing manga/comic page redraws in my style teaches me new things every time.

Once I have my idea, I'll usually make a bulletpoint list of "plot points" or "story beats" I want. Then I plan the comic with this format that I've adapted from a tutorial I read once. I'm going to use my most recent comic (original comic post) as an example.

I start in the third column, writing notes of what I'd want to see in each panel. I also include the dialogue (in this case, I didn't have to write the dialogue! it's from the fanfic linked in the original comic post!). I usually write the whole name like [Luffy:], but at this point I've drawn so much of these guys, just the first letter works.

I like to handwrite these notes to get an idea for how much text I'm putting in a single panel.

After I describe all the panels, I go back and separate them into pages. I can't tell you how to know how many panels to a page. It's whatever works for you. I just kinda know about how big each panel will be, and so I can feel when I'm probably running out of space. (Also. You can change things later. I don't in this example, but I add/drop pages/panels all the time.)

2. Thumbnailing

Thumbnailing—as the name suggests—should be done tiny. Too tiny to accidentally get sucked into details.

This is about marking down blobs where items/characters go, and figuring out the paneling. I'll draw and redraw these a bunch of times too.

This is also the most time-consuming/brain-working part for me. If I were in a zine that did progress percentage, I'd try to finish thumbnailing around the 50% mark (but I'm also a moderately fast artist, so your mileage may vary).

I think the terrible quality makes them charming, actually. I really like how silly they look. :')))

I will add, when you draw your "page" rectangle, make sure it's the same proportions as your actual canvas for the final image. You want an accurate idea of how much space each panel will take up, especially if you have a lot of text.

3. Sketching

This is my most recent change to my usual workflow, and it's saving me a lot of time. I make my thumbnails a bit bigger (each one about half the size of the final canvas), and I sketch these basic body forms right over them.

It just helps give me placement for my actual lines!

I usually draw these in a paleish color so I can lower the opacity and not get distracted by them while lining. The random darker parts are to either help keep two forms separate (like when two characters have their limbs all over) or to better define sections that were too sloppy/poorly proportioned.

I also think this helps my poses stay looser, because I have more dramatic/wriggly shapes that aren't too bogged down by proportions yet.

Sidenote: I CANNOT show this here, but sometimes this is when I take videos. Of myself. I prop my phone camera up and shoot a video of me acting each panel. :/// It looks really dumb, but it also shows me fun body language ideas like hand gestures, expressions, weight distribution, etc. Just pretend you're an overdramatic cartoon character, and try not to worry about your roommates or mother walking in on you doing odd things. (You can also use the video for anatomy reference later, but I usually just capture the vibe and don't try to copy the actual video frame.)

4. Panels & Text

Oh, boy. So, the panels are usually just straight lines (though it's fun to make creative exceptions, like a round panel to mimic looking through a spyglass), but there are some fancy rules that I don't strictly adhere to.

I believe (I have no technical training in this. Take everything I say with a grain of salt) the vertical gaps (between two side-by-side panels) should all be a consistent width and the horizontal gaps (between two panels on top of each other) should be another. The vertical ones? Should be thinner? Because you want the eye to easily glide between them, whereas the horizontal gaps should be a visual barrier to keep you from jumping ahead. Just something I've vaguely noticed.

There are lots of fun "default layouts" you can look up. Or keep it a consistent grid. I think it's fun to sometimes have characters/objects sticking out of panels and overlapping others. This is just a matter of taste, creativity, and inspiration. (Read Witch Hat Atelier... It has some of my favorite paneling...)

You may also notice I have already done the speech bubbles. This is, to me, a crucial step. This helps me catch early if I don't have enough room for all the words. It also lets me plan the art in each panel with the speech bubbles in mind. There's nothing worse than working really hard on a panel, and then you realize there's no room for the bubbles.

I also try to lay them out in a way that guides the eye! Even without art, can people tell where to go next? Better yet, if I want people to look at panels out of order (aka not left to right, in my case), can I use the speech bubble path to make them? Here's just a vague example of what I mean.

As an added bonus, doing speech bubbles early also allows me to be lazy! :) Ignore the comic; I'm not supposed to post it yet oops,, There's a whole lot of drawing to do on each comic page, and I am not wasting my time on stuff that will be covered up. So yes, if I hide my bubbles, there are a lot of unfinished lines trailing off into nothing. (As a bonus, if there's a part of a character you're struggling with—and it won't look weird to do so—you can move speech bubbles to just hide the problem area yayyy)

Making the actual bubbles could be their own whole tutorial, tbh, but there are some general guidelines I use.

Zoom out when you choose your font size. You want to know how it will look to the average reader, so it isn't super teeny tiny or way too big. You generally want to keep the same text size for all your pages/bubbles.

When I draw bubbles, I try to size them about one vertical letter height (and some change) around the words [left side]. This isn't always the case though, because humorously large or funny shaped text bubbles can convey different feelings [right side].

On Procreate, I set my bubble lines to Reference and just drag-and-drop the white fill on a separate layer below the lines. (Remember to turn Reference back off again when you're done, or your fill bucket won't work right when you're drawing.)

To get the white outlines I use to keep the bubbles from cluttering up the art, I literally just Gaussian blur an all-white copy of the lines + fills... and then I copy and merge it 5 times until it's opaque enough. This is a terrible way to do it, but it works for me. :')

5. Lines

This is the part that I can't tell you how to do. I literally just. Draw right over my wacky sketched body forms. Boom. Comic drawn.

I'll make three suggestions:

Don't focus on making every panel perfect. Give a little extra love to big ones or ones you want people to linger on. Otherwise, know that people are typically speeding through the art. It's way more important to focus on storytelling than art technique. In my opinion, a good story that's told well will always be better than a beautiful one told poorly. (Some comics are beautiful AND well-written... Alas, I am just a hobbyist who needs to get the ideas out of my head at top speed.)

Put your background lines on a different layer. Put your foreground lines on a different layer too, if you have those. Basically, I try to keep the main part of each panel (usually a character or object) on my lines layer so I can erase background/foreground/etc lines to ensure clarity/focus.

You can make background lines lighter colors too. I have too many numbers sorry. (1) Background. The stuff that's farthest away. Lightest lines. Few details; more focused on shapes and the suggestion of a background (I'm not good at backgrounds). (2) Midground. Same distance away as the characters are. Lines can be black. (3) Also midground, and also the same distance away. But they're very detailed, so I lighten them so they aren't so distracting. (4) The characters. Black lines for focus. For people who haven't seen the comic, I swear they are just hugging. This is SFW. D:

6. Tones/Colors

Do not. Do NOT ask me. I don't understand colors. I hate working with them, but I try because I want to improve. I hate doing anything beyond the simplest grayscale shading. Please go elsewhere for your coloring/tone advice. This is how my color picker looks 95% of the time. I have pre-set "percentages" of black that I got by lowering the opacity of a black layer and just color picking it. I don't even know the exact percentages I used. Good luck out there. Be better than me.

7. Sharing

This is a bonus step that I didn't mention earlier, but it's actually the most important of all of them.

You need a friend. Or maybe a groupchat or discord. A family member or coworker if you're really close like that. I don't know.

Find SOMEWHERE you can spam wips and be cheered on. Drawing comics takes a while, especially if you're trying to tell longer stories than I'd dare to attempt. If I don't force someone to praise me for every line I draw, I shrivel up and die.

Also if and when you post online, add alt text. I'll admit I'm the first person to complain and drag my feet on this, and I literally use a screenreader myself when my eyes hurt (strong prescription glasses wearer). Comics should be accessible, because stories are fun and everyone should be able to enjoy them.

***

Learning???

And I guess lastly, how do you learn to make comics? Two steps: 1) read them and 2) make them. This is the tragedy of creating things.

1) Reading them: I grew up reading comic strips, western serialized comics, and webcomics. I've always loved graphic novels too. Then in late middle school, I started reading manga (Death Note and Haikyuu were my first two), and now I'm trying to read more webtoons (sorry im so slow bree)!

I also... mass-consume doujinshi, thanks to proxy mailing services and bilingual friends/Google Translate/knowing some Korean. (I have an entire bookshelf of doujin, actually,,)

The thing is, it's not usually enough to just read comics. You also need to be thinking. :/ I notice paneling, comic devices, clever comedic timing, etc. as I go. It's just a lot of studying/learning while also enjoying the story.

2) Making them: You just have to start. :( Even if you think they're "bad." My first comics were actually just drawings placed randomly all over the page, connected by speech bubbles (yay... I was already practicing how to place bubbles to lead the eye around the page...). I was going to post a pic here, but I'm a coward. Backscroll my account and you can find some older ones though.

I also know my art in general improved dramatically when I did ten comics in ten weeks for my friend's fic. Don't do this. It hurt my hands/wrists. But do practice in moderation.

***

If you actually read all that... I hope it made even a modicum of sense. And maybe it was even helpful? Just know at the end of the day, there is literally no right way to draw a comic.

And if you aren't ready to go for it yet, you can start by just adding a couple speech bubbles to your illustrations or doodles! It's a way to add storytelling and dialogue writing to things you may already be making.

Yay. I love comics. :))))

#art tips #ask #THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS #PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT STORYTELLING AND ART AND COMICS #i have so much more i can say but i will not because this post is already way too dense #ive been meaning to finish/post this for so long im sorry #making comics is this fun blend of THINKING REALLY HARD AND WITH PURPOSE and doing things innately and you rly dont know why #reference #art reference #i dont remember my tutorial tag #oh. was it #tutorial #I DONT REMEMBER

67 notes · View notes

that-hippie-user · 3 days ago

Note

Without hypnosis, how would you encourage someone to become a diaper-addicted bedwetter? What’s the best argument you could make to win them over?

i'd like to answer this in the form of a ramble. no hypnosis, no traps, no triggers. literally just a lesson from me to you. click below if you're curious.

some folks describe the world we're in as one that tries to fit you into a mold, to shape you a desired way.

but a mold is a very simple process, pour liquid substance into a vessel with the desired shape, let it solidify, and its done. taking an otherwise shapeless thing and giving it shape in a very easy way.

life is not a mold, but an extruder.

a length of meterial is sent down a tube, which itself gradually shifts from the original shape, to the desired one.

the process is gradual, the material shapes itself almost as if it were meant to, but it's being guided to that shape by the tunnel its in.

you werent given a role from the start and made to fit it, you were gradually acclimated to that role until it became normal.

its the small things. being corrected on how you sit, or how loud your voice is, or telling you to stop tapping your feet, or saying particular interests dont fit your role.

i used to naturally cross my legs, i had an interest in pink, i loved made for dvd cartoons like strawberry shortcake or tinker bell. turned out i was transgender, and the role of "boy" was one i was shaped to be through peer pressure.

now, what does this have to do with diapees?

put simply, you NEVER had a say in potty training.

kids often have no say in a lot of things, its taken for granted that a kid needs guidance if they're gonna be safe in this world. but potty training is a universal lesson.

how did YOU react at the time? to being told you have to "graduate" from diapers. were you agreeable? upset? did you try to rebel? it doesnt matter, all roads lead to you being potty trained.

its so deeply ingrained in our society its practically a core foundation. think about this for a moment, KINDNESS is not mandatory. sure, as a kid you're taught to share and care, but how many people do you know who carried that into adulthood? in fact, in a capitalist sense, kindness is a weakness to the goal of profit.

so, we live in a world where you CANNOT under ANY circumstance choose to be diapered, unless you "need" to, like, if there is no alternative. and yet you can live life as the biggest jerk in history and you're not even guaranteed a reprimand for it.

and yet... everyone ALSO agrees that being a kid is the best thing in the world, and you should enjoy it while you can because it wont last, you cant go back to that.

and that much IS true... but you CAN go back in some ways.

oh sure, you WILL grow up. lessons get learned, fears develop, motor function improves, your body gets taller and stronger, and your brain naturally develops as it goes, that much is ALL true...

but... you CAN still wear diapers... in fact, it almost seems like you're gently encouraged to? cuz like... every store with a pharmacy has a nearby section for adult diapers, they got ENTIRE ISLES of diapers. in every size you'd need.

because as much as society tries to tell us diapers are meant to be left behind, we cant deny that sometimes they are necessary, stores NEED these if they can have them.

and if thats the case... if systems are in place for people to wear diapers... what exactly is wrong with using them?

and furthermore, its probably the ONE holdover from childhood you can always go back to.

no matter how big you get, you cant change one universal fact. diapers exist, they have an intended function, and you CAN use them, if you are brave.

and if you do? you're being a TRUE rebel, moreso than most really. you're doing the ONE thing adults must NEVER do, the thing that potty training was MADE for.

if you wear and use diapees, you are choosing to reject an instinct of adulthood in favor of your own personal rebellious joy, and that is BADASS.

and why shouldnt you? if gender is a social construct, then so is growing up. you CAN redefine what it means to you. you can decide for yourself what it means.

and if you do... you ALSO have the option... to take it FURTHER.

because you know... training like that can be UNDONE too.

not fully, mind, your body now has the ability to know when it needs to go, that much stays.

buuuuut. your ability to hold it CAN be undone.

;3 and thats not even hypnosis, all you have to do is use your diapees! X3 im not joking, peeing yourself outside of a bathroom scenario gives your body and brain permission to do it elsewhere.

UwU and with time... it gets harder to hold it. ;3 how long does it take?

3 WEEKS

3 weeks of continued diaper use is all it takes to lose control.

but why? why lose control? what point is there is making you wet yourself? (or mess if thats your thing. X3 its certainly mine!)

because if using diapers is rebellion, then unpotty training is FREEDOM

its the ultimate middle finger to the training you were given, a sound rejection of the thing you were taught is most important.

and once you reject that... the skies the limit!

do you have any idea how much CONFIDENCE it takes to willingly make yourself a puddlepants?

if you're willing to do that, no force on this earth can stop you. gender? redefine it as you please. fashion? you wear diapers for underwear, wear whatever you want. hobbies? passions? do what you like! ;3 not like bathroom breaks can stop you anymore.

so go nuts! have fun! live life on YOUR terms.

diapers are fun, diapers are soothing, diapers are freeing, and diapers are YOURS to wear.

be free, be a mushtush!

#advice #life advice #be cringe be free #be yourself #ab/dl lifestyle #ab/dl #ab/dl diaper #ab/dl community #diaper training #incontinence training #unpotty training

64 notes · View notes

tired-reader-writer · 3 days ago

Text

Thinking about Wolfsong. I initially had Narsus only find out about the whole Gorgan fiasco after canon events start but recently, I've been kinda reconsidering it. Here is a dump of my thought process in no particular order:

So Narsus likely got the court position pretty soon after the whole Three Kingdoms Alliance thing

Shapur is likely involved in repelling said invasion because 1) Andragoras summoned pretty much almost anyone, and 2) it's coming from the east and his lands are in the northeast, Andragoras might want to mobilize the troops to... Peshawar, perhaps? Before the invading troops can penetrate too deep into the country. Many lords were called, yes, but someone like Shapur, whose domain borders Turk, could possibly be doubly expected to respond since this concerns his region. Just food for thought.

I'm not sure about Narsus' timeline in several parts. How long before the TKA was it that Teos died and Narsus became the new lord of Daylam? Was it then that he freed his slaves? Or was it after the TKA ordeal?

He pretty much self-exiled in Pars era 317, so at MOST he would've had two years. Did he live full-time in the capital? Did he ever return to Daylam, even if just briefly? The Daylami seemed pretty familiar with him.

Now that I think about it, Narsus and his mother (I need to name the lady) were kicked out by Teos' main wife and then were accepted back when the wife passed away some time before Teos' death, so maybe he got more time in Daylam than I thought. The problem is that I forgot when he and his mother were accepted back?

Anyways, this opportunity for an encounter between the two kinda offers me the opportunity to have them meet each other early. I am still contemplating what to do with it. Especially since a couple of the enslaved folk Narsus freed could end up in Gorgan's orbit.

There's no way the Gorgan folk could know about Narsus' abolitionist ideals until Narsus pulls that stunt of freeing all his slaves (I assume it happened in Daylam rather than the capital), I mean there's a small possibility that they might know vaguely but it's more likely that they straight up won't know until Narsus does the societal equivalent of kicking down the door and blasting a horn far and wide. There's also very little possibility of Narsus knowing unless Gorgan reaches out to him first— what with their operation being so hush-hush and crucially under wraps because of the Mardi's caution— and they wouldn't reach out before knowing that Narsus is trustworthy.

But after? Could Shapur possibly reach out? Maybe he would want his children to have an ally he knows can be trusted so they won't be so alone against the world. Would it even be Shapur who reaches out? Would it be Sadiq who advises Shapur to do so? Would it make sense for them to see a potential friend and ally and not take the opportunity, especially when Shapur has already cut ties with his relatives over the Isfan debacle and the region can't exactly trust other nobles willy-nilly. I don't know.

In the scenario that he does reach out and they do end up connecting with each other, what can I do with it? Narsus probably got the court position in 315, in my timeline I put down that Shapur becomes a marzban in 316 (age 32), after some ambiguous campaign that he was called to be part of, so he would have to go to the capital again. I did not find anything significant in the novel timeline in the year 316, so I wouldn't know what the occasion is. But in the hypothetical scenario that they're acquainted with each other by this point, what interesting thing can I do with how they view the capital? Does Narsus ever get to return to Daylam during his time as a court advisor of sorts? What could he do with this?

I have something vague pinned down for after when canon starts, where the Mardi folk (esp Khazān and Arslan? not sure yet) help Daylam defend against Lusitanians and encountering Irina and her crew + Kubard and Merlaine and things rolling from there— could that aid be rooted in a friendship established before that point?

Coordinating trade and stuff between the two regions could be pretty difficult if Narsus isn't there to manage the process, though. So I'm still not sure how it all works out.

In the scenario that there is a connection between Gorgan and Daylam, could Narsus possibly go back to Daylam after his exile instead of going to live on Mt. Bashur in isolation? Because even if somebody else warns him to be careful, I don't think it's possible for Narsus to stay quiet about the corruption and injustices in the capital and eventually he'd snap and get fed up and leave when his concerns go ignored.

I'm... still not sure what would happen after he goes back to Daylam (if he does) or why I'm contemplating this whole situation in the first place BUT here I am, pondering and contemplating anyways.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #heroic legend of arslan #wolfpack au #winds of wolfsong #shapur #narsus #still not writing but thinking about Stuff #so much stuff

66 notes · View notes

circeyoru · 2 days ago

Note

I love all of your works 😍..When I read about Monarch!reader..I also interested in her attitude 😂..I feel like she's going denying Jinwoo until the end and only accept anything related to Ashborn like Bellion and Igris..I feel she will be close to Igris and only show her true attitude to Ashborn,Igris and Bellion.(maybe like a smile) causing Jinwoo to feel dissatisfied and the reader will answer 'I hate you so why do I have to smile to people I hate😂😂

This is for {Shadow and Void}, check MASTERLIST for the work

Thank you for your support!!

Back to the attitude of Reader/you. I guess at the moment it appears that way since it's up to Arc 2. Though thinking that it would stay that way is where you're wrong~ (I mean, this is a slowburn type of story) Yay~ This is perfect to explain a bit and I'll keep the spoilers to a minimum.

From part 5, it's already hinted that Monarch!Reader (aka you) have known the Shadows and have a hold on Ashborn's army. Now keep this one in mind first while we go over the attitude part.

It's obvious that you are starting to warm up in some way and accepting Jinwoo as the successor of Ashborn instead of some vessel to be occupied. Accepting that Ashborn was letting go of the world conquest in a way and the ongoing battle with the Rulers.

Another major part in part 5 is that you are showing vulnerability. Opposite to the persona you have been showcasing to Jinwoo, you were just as weak on the inside as you clung to the figure(s) that made you human. However, as vulnerable as you are, you still couldn't follow through with giving yourself up like Ashborn has and that's where your 'monarch' traits appear. You are cruel, heartless, and indifferent to anything that didn't catch your interest/fancy. You showed that to Jinwoo.

Believe it or not, the banters you have with Jinwoo about Hae-In was you warming up to him and you 'protecting' what you have. It's ironic that you want Ashborn to return as soon as possible but you have been slowly easing into siding by Jinwoo's side. You're greedy and you want both in a way. Yet when things come to pass, Ashborn outweights Jinwoo because he is human. A human that would one day die and leave you. Jinwoo would move on while you are staying still. Even with the overwhelming powers he has now, he was only human. That's why you only showed your obsession with Ashborn's return, clinging onto Jinwoo was a lost cause. You knew more than you let on, you knew nothing about Jinwoo's growing obsession and possessiveness over you because it was something you didn't care. How you protected yourself was being a pain to Jinwoo. The disrespect, the shouting, the scolding, the wanting to get away from him. It's all to protect your fragile self. You wanted back the familiarity you had before.

In Arc 3, the transition of defensive you to accepting will be shown, solifying you being by Jinwoo's side. And Arc 4~ Ohh~ That one should be fun.

Now for the Shadows and original army. Well, if you guys didn't get it from part 5. It's foreshadowing that you will be responsible for opening that massive gate over the city and preparing for Jinwoo to have more allies. You played a hand in hiding the army away from the other Monarchs while waiting for Ashborn to pick a vessel to return. Of course, there's the whole thing with Jinwoo but he's worthy now so... The real army will be returned to the Shadow Monarch.

Let's do a bit of trivia with the Shadows, yeah?

Igris: Obviously knew you already when he was with Ashborn long before Jinwoo. After being in Jinwoo's service, it was a matter of time before you two reunited. He saw how you were protecting yourself from Jinwoo and wanted his old lord back. He could sympathize, in a way. But he also accepted Jinwoo as the new Monarch. He didn't force you to accept, but let it play out. He'll sometimes help you get a breather from Jinwoo in the early days of you being forced to join Jinwoo's side. Beru: While he hasn't appeared in the story as much. He is hostile towards you because you berated his King constantly as someone to be replaced and forgotten. Though, as much as he wanted to give you an attitude, he couldn't. Not because Jinwoo tolerated it but due to the oppressive aura you'd exerted. It minds him of Jinwoo being mad and murderous, but you exerted that so casually that his instincts screamed at him not to get on your bad side. His view of you change after you had easily defeated Hae-In because that woman got on his nerves. In his (and the other Shadows) mind, you were the one rightfully supposed to be by Jinwoo's side as a significant other. All kings need their queen, and you hold that position. If you weren't called to be Hae-In's opponent and he was (basically the original storyline), then he would have attempted to actually kill Hae-In for trying to take your place by his master's side. The other Shadows: They saw that Jinwoo was getting more and more touchy-feely with you and they do their best to help. Their lord was strong and you were strong, it was a perfect match up!

Overall... Your attitude towards Jinwoo is slowly beginning to change to the point that the Jinwoo x Reader moments are coming up. So do wait for those~~

#Circe's appreciation corner #Circe's asks (Solo Leveling)#Solo Leveling #Only I Can Level Up #solo leveling x reader #solo leveling jinwoo #sung jin woo x reader #sung jinwoo x reader #sung jinwoo #sung jinwoo x you #jinwoo #yandere sung Jin woo #yandere sung jinwoo #yandere jinwoo #Yandere sung jinwoo x reader #yandere sung jin woo x reader #Shadow and Void

48 notes · View notes

tobiasdrake · 1 day ago

Note

hello. odd question: if you were given the choice, what sort of post buu sequel would you personally want to see? you don't have to write a whole story or anything, just, what kind of story would you want to see told if it were up to you? in terms of basic premise, tone, or "gimmick" if you'd like to see one.

Probably unpopular opinion but my ideal vision of a post-Buu Dragon Ball sequel would be to retire Goku and Vegeta after the Buu arc for good. Goku's story ended very satisfyingly with the Cell arc and I don't think Vegeta could ever go out on a higher note than what Buu gave him. I think Dragon Ball has a lot of potential for future storytelling beyond Buu but if we're working from scratch then these two characters, specifically, I'm ready to be done with.

What Dragon Ball needs to give it that shot in the arm is to have the courage to do what it wanted to do post-Cell: to start over and reinvent itself.

I do understand why that fell apart with Gohan. Gohan doesn't like martial arts. He never has. He enjoys it as an activity he can do with the people he loves, but he isn't a martial artist at heart. He has no drive for it as a hobby; His only relationship with it is as a necessary evil he sometimes has to engage in to protect his loved ones.

That's not a spark that can drive a Dragon Ball protagonist down a road of self-discovery and personal improvement through a deep, personal relationship with the art. And all the attempts to make Gohan relevant again just amount to giving him free power-ups and browbeating him into doing things that, on a fundamental level, he just hates doing.

Gohan doesn't want to be a Dragon Ball main character. He has never wanted that, and we shouldn't force him to. It's better for him and better for the story to just move along.

So where does that leave us?

I think the Buu arc gave us all the tools we need to reinvent Dragon Ball already. I think the characters who have the most potential in telling new Dragon Ball stories are the ones the franchise kinda just... wants to sweep aside. It's Goten, Trunks, and Marron. Pan and Bra. And our new green god Dende. The next generation of Dragon Ball heroes.

It's Goten and Trunks looking at their fathers' backs and knowing that these are the mountains that they are meant to climb. To become more than Goku and Vegeta ever were. And questioning if that's even what they want for themselves. What is their relationship to the art, independent of their fathers? Independent of each other?

Who even are they to each other? Are they to be a reflection of their fathers? Are they to be their fathers' mirror opposites? Or are they to be something else, something independent of their fathers, something only they can identify?

And what does the art mean to them personally? When it stops being "I'm doing this because my family does it," what is it to them? Is it even what they want or, like Gohan, do their destinies lie down another road?

Who is Marron? Who will she grow up to be? What does the art mean to her? In this world of Saiyans and Namekians, what are the limitations that her humanity imposes on her? And how can she break those limits and become something super?

These are the questions that I think could fuel a really interesting sequel series. I think the key to Dragon Ball's artistic future is in allowing someone else to go on a martial arts journey of their own, so we can watch them grow from a wide-eyed child to a wizened master as we once watched Goku.

#dragon ball

50 notes · View notes

marioposssa · 2 days ago

Text

There's a joke I've heard a few times, that Laurence is so formal that even his lover calls him by his last name. And there's certainly something to that idea so I wanted to do some fun statistics on the question: Who get's called by their first name in Temeraire, how often (and by whom)?

For anybody who only wants the numbers here's the overall highscore:

Total mentions by first name only (638 total)

1st "Jane" Roland: 243 2nd "Emily" Roland: 154 3rd "Catherine" Harcourt: 100 4th "Edith" Galman/Woolvey: 55 5th "John" Granby: 25 6th "Tom" Riley: 23 7th "George" Allendale: 8 (all in Victory of Eagles) 8th "Tenzing" Tharkay: 6 9th "Henry" Ferris: 5 (all by his family in Empire of Ivory) 10th "Jean-Paul" Choiseul, "Augustine" Little, "Bertram" Woolvey, "Gerry" Stuart: 1

The more in-depth answer got way longer than expected, so I decided to split this post up a bit. For a more thorough look at first four places, keep on reading after the cut.

For place 5-10 read on in part 2. For a look into usage of Will and some dragon thoughs go to part 3

The place for most first name mentions over all goes to Jane Roland, who is mentioned a staggering 243 times out of 638 total. Laurence starts both thinking of her and addressing her as Jane after their first night together and even Temeraire uses Admiral Rolands first name in conversation (in Black Powder War).

What is interesting to me is that, after Laurence starts he does not really stop thinking of her as 'Jane' or addressing her as such in conversation, even after their break at the end of Empire of Ivory and through Laurence's general feelings of guilt in the later books. To me this goes a long way of showing that Laurence still considers them close, even if he can not get over the harm he has caused with his actions after taking the dragons cure to Napoleon.

Beyond Laurence narration, we also get two other moments in League of Dragon where Excidium talks of her as 'Jane' and 'my Jane' <3.

Looking beyond Jane Roland, one of the most consistent topics in her conversations with Laurence beyond the war seems to be her daughter. As soon as Jane first mentions Emily by her first name in His Majesty's Dragon, Laurence picks it up and Emily Roland becomes Emily more often than not from then on. This seems to happen especially often in more familial or interpersonal scenes, such as when Laurence takes her and Demane to task about their relationship in Crucible of Gold or when she is meeting Laurence father at Wilberforce's subscription-rally early in Empire of Ivory.

Emily is also called by her first name by both Temeraire and Mrs. Pemberton, who in their own way might both count her as part of their family or as in their care. We may also guess that, since Emily is friendly with a number of characters especially other minors over the course of the book, she may also go by Emily in a lot of other occasions that are simply not part of the narrative.

Interestingly, while Laurence is shy of calling any of the other aviators by their first name, he starts calling Catherine Harcourt 'Catherine' in his head by Empire of Ivory. Specifically he starts using the name after seeing Tom Riley greeting her on the 'Allegiance'. This moment seems to signify a shift in Laurence perceiving her as different from just her status as an aviator friend or acquaintance. While to our knowledge he never uses the name to her face, he also starts calling her Catherine when talking to Tom Riley. The usage of 'Catherine' continues through Laurence narration in Victory of Eagles, though he is back to using 'Captain Harcourt' in the later books.

Overall there are 100 times when Harcourt is called Catherine. In conversation it is mostly Lily (11) who uses her first name, but there's also Jane Roland who calls Harcourt Catherine in non-formal settings (2).

And then there's Choiseul in His Majesty's Dragon of course. His use of 'Catherine' is a pretty good indicator of their intimacy, even before Laurence picks up on their relationship. I think it works so well, since at that point in the books, the mention of any first names has been pretty rare. In response she calls him Jean-Paul. This stops immediately after Choiseul's betrayal though, and indeed he never mentions her by name from this point on until his execution.

I also want to mention Rankin, who certainly has not earned the informality, but calls Harcourt almost dismissively by her first name at her first introduction to Laurence. Possibly being condescending both about her age, as well as her being a women.

Overall I think the use of Harcourts first name in the books is the most varied and it can almost always tell us as much, if not more, about the people using it in their different forms than about Catherine Harcourt herself.

Forth in place of intimate mentions is Edith 'Woolvey' née Galman. As Laurence former promised childhood friend he is consistently on a first name basis with her. She is mentioned as just 'Edith' 55 times in the course of four of the books: His Majesty's Dragon, Victory of Eagles, Blood of Tyrants - where Laurence thinks of her exactly once during his amnesiac arc and finally League of Dragons.

As you may have guessed from the numbers, the women make up the staggering majority of all first name mentions with a staggering 552 of 638, or 86% of all moments.

-----

Notes on the gathered data: I looked at all instances of known first names of main or supporting characters, but excluded the following:

Any mention where the first name was part of the full name or was prefixed by a title (such as Captain Catherine Harcourt, Lady Emily)

Any dragons, since dragons (with exceptions) only have single name

Any character mentioned exclusively by their first name (I'm sorry Demane, Sipho, little Gerry the Orphan and various babes)

#fun statistics #temeraire #first name basis #So what does it say about Laurence that his major first name mentions are his former quasi fiancé slash childhood friend #his lover #his quasi daughter #and the female aviator friend/acquaintance in a relationship with his former best friend?#I really expected much more even numbers across the characters

42 notes · View notes

aquanutart · 11 hours ago

Text

I was talking and I mentioned that I have my old Game Boy and original Pokemon cartridge. I said, "I think they still work."

I was told, "The internal batteries on the Game Boy cartridges have run out. They're all dead."

"Oh," I said, trying not to show how crestfallen I was. I felt like I was losing nerd cred for not knowing that, although I never kept up with that type of info anyway. I'm here for the fantasy and imaginative aspects of games, and tend not to follow the competitive or technical details.

I tried not to feel anything as I went home. If they were real animals, I reminded myself, I would have had to say goodbye long ago.

But like so many other people, Pokemon was my childhood. It was all I thought about and dreamed about, and the closest thing I could imagine to heartbreak was the knowledge that they weren't real. I spent nearly all my time writing longhand self-insert Pokemon fanfiction--far more than I spent actually playing the game. My Pokemon were with me in my imagination wherever I went. I started playing Pokemon Blue when I was 5, and the last time I had played it was probably when I was 9 or 10. I remembered I had turned it on again one more time after that, not to play it, but to look at my childhood Pokemon.

It was during high school, after a move overseas that completely upended my life, and I was struggling with the crushing blow of being taken away from everything I knew and trying to make sense of anything (least of all adolescence) in another language. All I wanted was to go back to childhood and have everything go back to how it was before.

Seeing my Pokemon, just as I'd left them, had comforted me. I had looked at their stats pages, taken photos of them with my digital camera (that I don't even know if I still have), and then turned it off without doing anything.

That was probably 9 or 10 years after the games came out. It had been a long time since then. I had long since taken the AA batteries out of my Game Boy Color and left it untouched. I didn't even have AA batteries anymore.

It had worked then. But now it had been 27 years... I thought about not trying to turn my cartridge back on. As long as I didn't turn it on, I could believe my Pokemon were still there, the way I remembered them.

On my day off, which happened to be Pokemon Day, I googled and read that some people on forums and Reddit were still able to play their original Pokemon games.

Then... it was possible. I went out to buy toothpaste. At the store, I asked where I could find AA batteries.

It was a big thing for me to be able to go to the store and buy things myself. When I moved at age 13, I felt like something went wrong with growing up. It was difficult to follow what people were saying, and people didn't always understand what I said either. I had been introverted even in English, but now I had enough negative experiences that I became afraid and stopped trying to talk to people altogether.

I threw myself into video games and reliving childhood memories. The internet was where I could communicate in my first language and understand. I lived online and didn't interact with the real world. On the internet I felt like I was understood and could find people who shared my interests the way I did, but in the real world it always felt like I could get hurt if anyone knew me.

I realize now that I could have had a better experience overseas if I'd known how to adapt and socialize, but this was not something I knew even in English, and trying to learn in another language made it ten times harder. I'm sorry now for missing out on interactions that I know I could have had, but I just didn't know how. I wouldn't know how until I learned, and it took me a long time to learn.

I grew up online, in the company of others who had trouble fitting in with the real world, even in their own language. Those experiences shaped me, and the friendships I've made and support I've received online are invaluable to me. The internet gave me a way to live, and through it I learned how to interact with others. But in many ways, for many years, it felt like my life was put on hold and I stopped growing up.

Several years ago I moved back, to not far from where I was born, and I was able to work for the first time. I began to interact with people and feel like I had a place in the real world.

After shutting myself away for so many years, every little step I made out in the world felt terrifying. But every little thing I did on my own made me feel like I was living for the first time.

Even something as little as going to the store and buying a pack of batteries.

I was directed to a shelf at the end of an aisle, and found myself looking at a rack of lithium AA batteries. Did they not sell the old kind anymore?

I walked around to the other side and was relieved to find the familiar black and brown Duracell batteries I'd known from my childhood. I felt more confident about putting in a battery that looked the same as I remembered. The smallest pack they sold was an 8-pack for $12.99. I really didn't need 8 batteries. I didn't have any other devices that used them.

I thought, what if I turn it on and it doesn't work and I'll have wasted $12.99?

I also thought we might already have batteries. I might be able to say, "Mom, do we have any batteries?" and she'd pull out two AAs from a drawer somewhere and I'd save my money.

But somehow I felt like part of what was important about this was being an adult and being able to buy my own batteries.

Yet... what if it just ended up making me sad? Was it better not to know?

I went to the checkout with just the toothpaste and stood hesitating at the edge of the checkout line.

If I didn't get the batteries now, and it turned out we didn't have any batteries, I wouldn't try it. I knew I would just put it off until even more time passed, and then... "Are you in line?" someone asked me.

"No," I said, and I turned around and went back to the shelf.

I bought the batteries.

At home, I took out my original Game Boy Color from the drawer where I left it, the one my dad had surprised me with when I was 5 years old and that I had brought overseas and back.

I put the batteries in and turned it on without a cartridge first to make sure the batteries were inserted correctly. The Game Boy logo scrolled across the screen and it made the familiar blinging Game Boy startup noise. I turned it off again, satisfied.

I took out my original Pokemon Blue cartridge, momentarily having to remember which way it went in, and slotted it in.

I turned it on, watched the whole Pokemon Blue intro out of nostalgia, and then pressed START.

My heart leaped for joy.

MY POKEMON!!!! MY POKEMON ARE ALIVE!!! 🥺🥺🥺

My original Pokemon, that were with me in 1998 when I was 5-6 years old, are still with me 27 years later. I want to cry!!! I love the old sprites, I'm SO happy to see them again 😭😭😭 the Pokemon look so little and cheerful at the same time, which I love 🥺🥺🥺 I know there are people with many more hours on their games, who have leveled all their Pokemon to 100. But these are my Pokemon who were with me through my childhood, and I spent many more hours making up stories about them than actually playing the game. I'm so happy to see them again 😭😭😭

All I want is to see my Pokemon. My other Pokemon are in boxes. Now, how do I get to the nearest PC? Where am I?

Oh... Oh. I have to confess something. When I was a kid, I was scared of the dark cave areas, and whenever I got to them, I stopped playing for a while. (I was stuck at Mt. Moon until I was like, 7.) So I never actually beat the game.

And here I am on Victory Road, with the team of Pokemon I was taking to the Elite Four, without an Escape Rope.

The only way for me to see my other Pokemon is... to finally make it through Victory Road, after 27 years?!

#long post #text post #i know long format blog posts aren't standard here but i don't know where else to put this #i'm so happy i've had tears in my eyes. i had the BEST pokemon day i could have imagined #some people may be surprised i didn't just have a team of water or grass types but it was my first pokemon game and i wanted to be balanced #i started training a drowzee because a needed to put pokemon to sleep for catching and hypno ended up just being so strong i got so attache #kitty helped me earn money to buy pokeballs #i always thought vulpix was incredibly cute and ninetales was awesomely beautiful #sorry about the overexposed 'screenshots' it actually takes a frustratingly long time to edit them into anything presentable even like this #but there's something nostalgic to me about seeing it on an actual game boy (color) instead of only the screen itself

39 notes · View notes