#I do think it is interesting to go back to where all of it started and to write it

[clavica]

I've been experimenting last year to try to unfuck my life. COVID left me unemployed and with depression, which was a battle on its own and in the aftermath of it, I found myself in a place where my hobbies and interests were left untouched and under a thick layer of dust for more than three years, because fighting for survival doesn't leave much room for anything extra. To find a job and to get my mental health to so-so place was more important than drawing, cleaning or exercising. And after I finally had some mental and energy room for "something extra" I found myself not really wanting to do anything, so scrolling and mindless media consumption was taking that extra bit I fought so hard to get back and honestly, it made me miserable.

So I started to experiment around getting myself to do more than just survival. I wanted to draw, to read, to exercise, take care of myself, to learn something new. And frankly, it sucked, especially in the beginning. Getting my space cleaned regularly was a struggle. I couldn't stay on track with eating healthy and returned back to bad habits quickly. Creativity wasn't coming and anything I've made felt horrible and ugly, especially that over the years some of my skills eroded and comparing to my old art, I was doing worse...

I guess the best take away from my struggles was to if I can't get something done, is to downsize and limit.

I couldn't get myself to do one day of general cleaning, so I broke it down to 15-20 minutes of cleaning everyday before going to work. At first I used a schedule written on a fridge, then switched to an app to keep track of this and additional tasks and appointments I have, but at this point I know the roster by heart. Monday is for cleaning the stove and counters in the kitchen. Tuesday is wiping mirrors and sweeping floor. Wednesday is cleaning toilet and taking out trash. Thursday is to wipe sink and shower. Friday is free. I do laundry as needed and dishes as well. Dishwasher saved my life as I absolutely detest washing dishes.

Second thing was starting to draw everyday. I got a cheap notebook-calendar and I spend 10-15 mins drawing in it everyday. Even if it's a stick figure. Nobody will see it, and tomorrow I will have another chance to draw something else.

Exercise was the worst. I'm not w sporty person and it's catching up to me. I don't like walking when I have no aim and the weather is bad. Fitness bores me and feels pointless. During pandemic, I got a stationary bike that I was using on and off. So far I managed to put the bike in front of tv and watch Netflix while I cycle, tapping to the crave to watch something and tricking myself to not thinking that I'm exercising. I started with 20min anime episodes, one every day. Currently doing one hour long Netflix shows episodes everyday. Cliffhangers help a bit, because I want to know what happens next and I can't watch without bicycling, so gotta bicycle to know, sorry...

Diet is a problem too, since I eat everything on sight after coming back from work. So I stopped eating after 18:00 because I can't be trusted after that. Deleted all apps where I could order food and I keep in fridge water and vegetables and frozen food for lunch next day. The biggest issue is when I'm out, no rules can stop me there, but fortunately that doesn't happen often.

The last tips I might give basing on my journey:

- if something stands in the way and you can get rid of it - get rid of it

- don't underestimate doing something for fifteen minutes every day, even if it's half-assed

- fuck ups will happen, you will fuck up and that doesn't mean the times you didn't fuck up stopped counting

- it's better to focus on what you're doing now than on possible goals you have

- be kind to yourself

- be patient and don't overextend

Of course everybody is different and their journey might be different. If is, I hope you could share it, as I'm still looking for inspiration to unfuck the rest of my life.

how do u have it all. how do u workout and stretch daily and play an instrument and stay drawing and creative and inspired and have a job. i rlly believe some ppl r living this kind of beautiful and balanced life. its achievable. i think. but how. how does it all become second nature. how do you make it all habit. it feels silly to think something like my phone could be standing in the way of all of it. but maybe it is. or maybe u rlly have to be a specific type of freak person.

[purplereina11]

In a match where the scoreboard tells only half the story, a fierce on-pitch rivalry between you and football royalty, Alexia Putellas, evolves into something electric — something unspoken, but deeply felt. Between the lines two players lock eyes, trade touches, and blur the line between competition and connection. What begins as a game becomes a gravity neither can resist.

Part 3: 36 hours in Munich

Word Count: 8k

⚽️

You’re in the locker room, post-session. Freshly changed but, pulse still settling, water bottle half-drunk and rolling somewhere near your bench. Everyone’s moving slow — stretches, recovery gear, shower queues. Typical post-training lull.

But you’re pacing already packing away, quicker than normal, you normally linger for longer. You sit finally. Jacket half-zipped. Legs twitchy, breath short, heart doing sprints while your teammates are winding down.

You check your phone for the sixth time in two minutes. Still nothing. Still soon.

“Alright,” a voice cuts through behind you. “Who is it?”

You look toward the voice. Georgia. Leaning against the wall, towel over her shoulder, one brow cocked. You blink. “What?”

“You’re all… shifty.” She waves a vague circle around you. “Nicely-dressed, hair down. You keep checking your phone like it's gonna grow lips.”

You try to brush it off. “It’s nothing.”

Georgia doesn’t even flinch. “Liar. Spill it.”

You stare at her for a second. You weren’t going to tell anyone. But something about her tone — casual but not cruel — makes your chest loosen. And you need to say it out loud. Just once.

You sigh, grab your other boot, and sit. “She’s flying in.”

Georgia pauses. “She?” You assumed Beth would of blabbed by now.

You swallow. “Alexia.”

That name lands like a stone in a calm pool. Georgia blinks once. “Putellas?”

“Yeah.”

She’s staring now. Like full-body-turn, jaw-slightly-dropped, towel-falling-off-the-shoulder staring. “For… ?” she tries.

You sigh a hand going through your freshly washed hair. “For a day.”

Her mouth opens. Then closes. Then opens again. “As in…”

You shrug, but you can’t help the way your face warms. “Yeah. As in that. She followed me after the home game against Barca, after the away game, that's when she first started DM'ing me" You smile at Georgia's mouth hanging open.

"Saying what?"

"Football stuff mainly, about the games, but after the last game at Wembley, she asked if she could come here to see me. I said yes.”

Georgia whistles low. “Bloody hell. You’re actually—” she stops herself. “Wait. Are you nervous?”

You nod, fast and helpless. “I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

She laughs, loud and bright. “You scored a free kick at Wembley in front of ninety thousand, but you’re sweating because the Queen of Barcelona herself is flying in for a sleepover?”

You put your hand out, "You say it like they're not both just as equally massive" You groan, head in hands. “Why did I tell you.”

Georgia grins. “Because you needed to.” She slaps your back once, warm and steady. “She’ll have a nice time I'm sure. And you're interesting when your social battery is full. Just don’t overthink it.” You look up. Georgia’s still smiling — not teasing now. Just sure. “Go get the girl from the airport,” she says. “Don't over think it, just take it for what it is, it's her idea to come here so let her lead what it is"

You roll your eyes. But you’re nodding too. Because yeah — it’s real now. She’s coming. And you have to be ready.

“Meado knows about mine and Alexia’s conversations, she doesn’t know about her coming. If you know, you need to freak out about this when I’m gone”

⚽️

The car is parked just beyond the pickup loop, engine idling low. Your hoodie’s half-zipped, one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other drumming nervously against your thigh. You’ve been here twenty minutes early, but you’d never admit it.

Your phone lights up with a text.

Alexia: Just got my bag. Coming out now.

You swallow hard.

You glance in the rearview mirror, tug at your hair, check your reflection. You don’t even know why — it’s her, you’ve already been through matches and mud and bruises together — but somehow, this is different.

It’s real. And quiet. And outside the lines. The terminal doors slide open again. A few people walk out. Not her. Another group. Still not. Your fingers tap faster.

Then there she is. Alexia. Dressed in all black, sunglasses pushed up into her hair, duffel bag over her shoulder. She walks out calm, casual, that familiar captain’s posture in every step. But her eyes are already searching.

And the second she sees you, they soften. You watch her approach through the windshield, heart thudding so hard you’re sure she’ll hear it before she even opens the door.

She pulls it open and slides into the passenger seat with that impossible grace, dropping her bag between her feet. You look at her.

She looks at you. And for a second, neither of you says a thing.

“Hey,” you breathe, voice barely above the hum of the engine.

“Hey,” she says back, softer.

You both smile. It’s awkward and perfect and so much. “I can’t believe you’re actually here,” you say as you pull out into traffic.

She leans back in the seat, eyes still on you. “I told you,” she murmurs. “I didn’t want to miss you.”

The city rolls past in a blur of grey and gold. Low sunlight spills across the dashboard, and the soft thrum of music — something wordless and warm — fills the quiet between you.

You’re both a little awkward. Not painfully so. Just… cautiously new.

It’s strange, this version of her — in your passenger seat, seatbelt clicking into place, fingers drumming lightly on her thigh. She’s looking out the window, but keeps glancing at you when she thinks you won’t notice.

You notice. “Airport was easy, then?” you ask, just to fill the silence.

She nods. “Very. One person tried to sneak a photo. But I gave them the look.”

You smirk. “The full ‘Putellas Death Glare’?”

“Level three only,” she says, mock serious. “Mild warning.”

You laugh under your breath, relaxing a little. Her accent’s thicker in person, softer in a car. You don’t know why that makes your stomach twist the way it does.

She glances at you again, a little longer this time. “It’s weird,” she murmurs. “Hearing you talk without a crowd around us.”

You smile. “You’ll get used to it.”

You make it through another light, and the silence stretches — still easy, but expectant.

Then suddenly — you freeze. “Oh shit.”

Alexia blinks. “What?”

You wince. “I forgot to tell you something kind of… important.”

She turns in her seat, curious. “What did you forget?”

You drum your fingers on the wheel. “I have a dog.”

Alexia blinks again. Then a slow smile tugs at her lips. “That’s what you forgot?”

“Well, yeah,” you say, already cringing. “I just—I meant to tell you. I’m not one of those people who spring dogs on people. He’s sweet. I swear.”

She’s laughing now — full, rich, effortless. “You make it sound like you’ve got a bear waiting at the door.”

“He’s just… enthusiastic,” you say, biting your lip. “His name’s Teddy.”

Alexia tilts her head, teasing. “Named after?”

“Teddy bear. Don’t judge me.”

She holds up both hands. “No judgment. But I can’t believe you didn’t lead with that.”

You glance at her. “Still time to turn around, you know.”

She smiles wider, looking straight ahead again. “I came here to see you,” she says softly. “Teddy’s just a bonus.”

And just like that, the nerves quiet. Just a little.

⚽️

You pull into the parking spot in the street, heart suddenly faster than it was on the pitch at Wembley.

Alexia’s quiet beside you, seatbelt undone, hands folded in her lap. But you feel her eyes on you as you kill the engine and sit for a second longer than necessary.

“This is it,” you say, finally, looking up at your loft apartment on the third floor

She nods. “Cute street.”

You grin. “Cute flat.”

She smirks. “Cute dog?”

You shoot her a look. “He’s trying his best.”

You both laugh as you get out. The early evening air is cool, the sky dipping into that soft lilac blue. You grab her small bag from the boot, and as you unlock the door, you hesitate.

“He might bark.”

“I can handle it,” she says, smiling.

You push the door open. It takes exactly one second.

Teddy barrels around the corner, all paws and excitement, nails tapping on the floor like a drumroll. His tail is going wild, and he’s already launching toward you when he spots the new presence behind you.

Alexia steps in, closing the door behind her. Teddy freezes. Then bolts straight for her.

You open your mouth to intervene—“Teddy, no!”—but before you can, Alexia’s already crouching down, calm and soft.

“Hola, precioso,” she murmurs, holding out a hand. And Teddy melts.

Tail wagging, head pressing into her palm, tongue ready for her cheek like she’s his long-lost soulmate.

You blink. “Well,” you mutter, “traitor.”

Alexia looks up at you, grinning as she scratches behind his ears. “He has taste,” she says. “Clearly.”

You lean against the doorframe, watching her — hair falling into her face, Teddy now rolling onto his back like he’s never known loyalty — and something in your chest settles. Warms.

Alexia stands, finally, brushing dog fur from her knees.

“Welcome to Germany,” you say, quieter now.

She doesn’t look away when she answers. “Thanks,” she says. “It already feels like a good idea.”

And for the first time all day, you believe you can relax. Because she’s here. This is just the beginning.

You toe off your shoes by the door, glance back to find Alexia standing just inside, Teddy still sniffing reverently at her shoes like he’s found royalty. Her bag’s at her feet, her jacket draped over her arm.

You clear your throat. “Right—um. Tour.”

She smiles like she’s already charmed. “I’m ready.”

You lead her into the main space — open-plan living room and kitchen. The walls are clean, but lived-in. A few photos on a shelf — one of the squad after a cup match, another of you and Beth pulling stupid faces at the camera. A soft throw blanket is half-fallen off the back of the couch. A candle you forgot you lit earlier is still flickering on the coffee table.

“This is the, uh—living-slash-existing space,” you say, gesturing vaguely. “Teddy thinks it belongs to him.”

Teddy immediately hops onto the couch, circles twice, and settles like you’ve just proven his point. Alexia grins.

You lead her into the kitchen, flicking on the under-counter light. “I don’t cook much, but the kettle works. Coffee pods are in here.” You tap a cupboard. “Mugs — there.”

She opens it, scans the shelves. “All mismatched.”

You shrug. “I collect them. Kind of.”

“I like it,” she says, softly. “It feels like someone lives here.”

You duck your head, smiling.

You show her the bathroom next — small, clean, stocked with too many hair ties and one towel you warn her not to use because it’s definitely Teddy’s now.

And then the hallway. Two doors.

“That one’s mine,” you say, thumb over your shoulder. “The other’s yours while you’re here.”

She doesn’t hesitate. Just peeks inside. A double bed, made neatly. Fresh towels folded at the foot.

She steps inside. Smiles softly looking around more.

You clear your throat. “I didn’t want it to feel weird.”

“It doesn’t,” she says. “It feels like you thought about it.”

“I did,” you admit.

It slips out quieter than you mean it to, but you don’t take it back.

Alexia meets your eyes. “Thank you. For having me.”

You nod toward the room. “Make yourself at home, yeah? My place is your place.”

She steps a little closer. Not much. Just enough that you feel her presence like a hum. “I already feel at home,” she says.

And the way she says it. It makes your chest ache. In the best way. You raise your eyes when they moved away from hers, "I'll um, leave you to unpack" you take a step back, "Teddy" you call, he appears around the foot of the bed, "Come" you give Alexia one final look and you walk back down the hallway.

She smiled opening her bag as she heard you chatting away to Teddy about getting him some treats, asking for various tricks from him.

⚽️

You tried to cook. You really did. But somewhere between boiling the pasta and burning the garlic, you gave up and ordered takeaway. Alexia didn’t mind. In fact, she looked almost relieved.

Now you’re both curled up on the couch, watching a show on a streaming app neither of you are paying attention to, warm plates in your laps and the soft, flickering glow of your fairy lights stretching across the ceiling.

She’s in one of your hoodies now. You hadn’t meant to offer it — just handed it over without thinking when she mentioned how cold planes make her feel.

It swallows her in all the right ways.

Teddy’s curled at your feet. Loyal again. For now.

“Okay,” she says mid-bite, glancing at you. “I need to know something.”

You look over, wiping your fingers on a napkin. “What?”

She gestures with her fork. “Do you actually like this pasta place, or is it just close?”

You fake a gasp. “You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that,” she says, trying to hide her smile. “I just—your face when you handed it to me said, ‘This is the best I’ve got, but I know it’s not the best in the world.’”

You laugh. “Alright, yeah. It’s proximity-based love.”

She hums thoughtfully. “Respect.”

The TV plays something forgettable in the background — neither of you are really watching it. The kind of background noise that just fills in the edges of something far more focused. Like the way she’s sitting. One leg folded beneath her, turned just slightly toward you. Or the way you’re watching her mouth more than listening to her words.

She puts her plate down on the coffee table, wipes her hands, then leans back. “You were nervous,” she says suddenly.

You blink. “When?”

“Earlier. At the airport. In the car.”

You roll your eyes. “Was it that obvious?”

She smiles, soft and real. “A little.”

You look down at your plate, then back at her. “I just… didn’t want it to feel weird.”

Alexia tilts her head slightly. “It doesn’t. You make it easy.”

That catches you off guard. You blink once, then set your plate down too. The silence stretches. But it’s not awkward. It’s warm. “I’m glad you came,” you say.

She leans her head back against the couch, eyes on you now in that slow, deliberate way she does everything. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” she says.

Alexia is fiddling with the sleeve of your hoodie — pulling at the hem with her thumb like she doesn’t realise she’s doing it. She’s not really looking at you. Not often. Just quick glances. Then back down. Then away.

You’re talking about random things. Easy things. Football. Training. Travel. Things you are confident you have in common.

She tells you about a weird airport coffee she had in Zurich. You tell her about the time Teddy accidentally got locked in your bathroom for 20 minutes and emerged looking personally betrayed.

And every now and then, there’s a pause that lasts a little longer than it should. But neither of you fill it. You just let it be. Eventually, you nudge your leg gently against hers. “You’re quiet.”

Alexia shifts. “Am I?”

You smile. “A little. For someone who just flew here to hang out with me.”

She huffs a quiet laugh. It’s barely there. “I’m just…” She trails off. Shrugs. “I’m not good at this part.”

You tilt your head. “What part?”

She stares at the coffee table like it’s got answers. “The talking part.” You wait. She finally looks at you — really looks. “I know how to show up to a match,” she says, voice low. “How to lead. How to win. That makes sense to me. But this?” She gestures between you. “This is…” She doesn’t finish.

You finish it for her. “New.”

She nods. And for a second, you think maybe she’s going to stand up, shift away, hide behind something safe. But she doesn’t. She just sits there. Awkward. Present. Willing.

You offer a small, understanding smile. “We don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”

She exhales, a little lighter now. “Good. Because I didn’t bring a tactics board.”

You both laugh. Softly. Easily. She doesn’t say anything else for a while — just leans back again, arms crossed over her chest now, head tilted slightly in your direction.

Eventually, she mumbles, almost like it’s for herself, “I’m glad I came too.” You nudge her foot with yours, with a gentle smile.

Alexia’s sitting sideways on the couch, one leg tucked under her, the other stretched out slightly, your hoodie sleeves pushed halfway up her forearms. You’re close, but not quite touching.

The conversation’s slowed to a hum — soft music talk, playlists, half-confessions about guilty pleasure songs. She mentions a Catalan band you’ve never heard of, and while she’s scrolling through her phone to find a song, your eyes drift downward.

And then you see it. A couple of faint lines on her knee. Pale, clean, but unmistakable. The scar. You pause. Not out of shock — you knew. You remember the coverage, the months out, the comeback.

But seeing it? That’s different. It’s not just a story now. It’s her. She notices your eyes drop. And for the first time all night, she goes still.

“Yeah,” she says softly, not quite looking at you. “That’s… that.”

You meet her eyes again. She doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t hide. But there’s something guarded in her voice. Like she’s used to people staring at it, asking about it, expecting something from it. You don’t ask. You just nod once, gentle. “Looks like strength,” you say, matter-of-fact.

Alexia’s brow furrows, unsure if you’re serious. But you are. She shifts slightly — not closer, but more open somehow. Her hand moves instinctively toward her knee, fingers grazing the scar once, like she’s reminding herself it’s still there.

“Sometimes it feels like I left a part of myself in there,” she murmurs. “The version of me from before.”

You let that hang. Then, quietly, “The version of you now scored against me. Twice.”

She huffs a breath. “Only one actually went in.”

“Still counts.”

She glances at you — and her smile is tired, genuine, laced with something like gratitude. Not for the words. For the way you didn’t try to fix it. Just saw it. And stayed.

The playlist she queued has faded into a quiet acoustic hum — soft, wordless, like it knows it shouldn’t interrupt. The light in the room has gone warm and low, one lamp casting golden arcs over her face as she leans back into the couch, knee still bent, hand still ghosting near the scar.

You don’t speak. You wait. And eventually — slowly — she does.

“I didn’t think I’d come back,” she says, voice low, eyes fixed on the ceiling like it’s easier not to look at you. “Not really.”

You blink, still, letting her keep control of it.

“Everyone kept saying I would. That I’d be fine. That I was strong, that I’d be back in a year. But inside…” She swallows. “I didn’t feel strong. I didn’t even feel whole. I felt… like I’d been cut out of myself.”

You shift just slightly. Not closer — not yet. But enough to let her know, I’m here. She breathes, slow.

“I’d watch games and feel like I didn’t belong anymore. Like I’d already been replaced. And I didn’t want anyone to know how scared I was because… I’m not supposed to be scared. I’m her, you know?” She finally looks at you now. “La Reina” You meet her eyes, steady. She adds, barely audible, “But I felt like glass.”

The words hang in the room — fragile, but not broken. You nod once. Then say the only thing you really believe in this moment. “I think you’re better now.”

Her brow pulls, confused. “What?”

You lean back, resting your head on the couch, looking up like she did. “You’re smarter. Sharper. Your passes don’t just thread — they cut. You’ve got control most people don’t even understand. And there’s a weight to the way you move now, like you know exactly what it costs to step back onto the pitch.”

You turn your head to her again.

“I’ve watched you before. Really watched you. You were always brilliant. But now?” You shrug. “You’re something else.”

Alexia stares at you, mouth parted slightly — like no one’s ever said it that way. Not like that. Not to her. She doesn’t say thank you. She just shifts — this time closer. Not dramatic. Just enough. Her shoulder brushes yours. Her knee bumps your thigh. And she lets out a breath that sounds a little like relief. “Thank you,” she murmurs eventually, eyes back on the scar. And then, softer: “I’ve never said that stuff out loud.”

You nod. “I know.” The quiet returns — not heavy this time. Comfortable. Like something sacred just happened, and you both know it.

She’s close now. Arm resting lightly against yours. Your hoodie sleeves bunching at her wrists. The scar still visible — but no longer raw. You glance down at her, the way her gaze has softened since she spoke, how her edges feel less guarded, like your living room gave her permission she didn’t even know she needed.

You swallow once. Think. Then speak. “You know… when I moved to Germany, people said it was career suicide.”

Alexia turns her head slightly, brows faintly drawn. Listening now. Not out of politeness. Intention. You stare ahead.

“Agents stopped calling. Interviews dried up. One coach — someone I used to really trust — told me I’d disappear. That I’d ‘fade out quietly.’” You huff a laugh, but there’s no humour in it. “I hadn’t even unpacked yet.”

Alexia is silent. Not interrupting. Just there.

“I’d scroll through social media and see all the squad updates, the camps, the conversations I wasn’t in anymore. And I thought… maybe they’re right. Maybe I peaked.”

You pause. Swallow.

“I started believing it. Like I was a mistake that was just waiting to happen.”

Alexia shifts slightly, her arm pressing into yours, grounding you.

“But then,” you continue, voice quieter now, “I played. I worked. And I kept showing up. And slowly… something changed. Not in them. In me.”

Alexia tilts her head. You glance at her.

“I stopped playing to prove people wrong,” you say. “And I started playing like they didn’t get a say.”

There’s a pause. And then—so soft you almost miss it—she says, “I noticed.”

You look at her. She’s watching you now — full on. Not blinking. Not shrinking. And when she speaks again, it’s steady.

“You didn’t disappear. You became better.”

You smile, but there’s a knot in your throat. Because you know she means it. And you never expected to hear it from her. Alexia leans her head back against the couch, her body still relaxed but her voice dipped low again.

“I know what that doubt feels like,” she says. “And I know how heavy it is to prove yourself to people who already made up their minds.”

You nod. “It’s exhausting.”

She murmurs, “And lonely.”

The room goes quiet again. But this time? Not lonely. Just two people sitting in a space neither of you were sure existed — honest, open, real. No spotlight. No pressure. Just you and her. And the ache you’ve both come back from.

⚽️

It’s late.

So late the playlist stopped a while ago. So late the city outside your windows feels like it’s on mute. You both stretch at almost the same time — that lazy, reluctant movement that means okay, maybe we should sleep but neither of you want to break the quiet just yet.

You stand first. Alexia follows. She’s still in your hoodie, tugging it down slightly, bare feet padding across the floor as you walk her to the guest room — side by side in a hush that feels warmer than anything words could’ve done.

You pause at the door.

She turns to face you, one hand on the doorframe. Her hair’s a little messy now, eyes slightly glassy with exhaustion. Her voice, when it comes, is soft and almost shy.

“Thanks for tonight.”

You smile, slow. “Thanks for coming.”

She nods, then looks down like she might say something else. But she doesn’t. You step back slightly, hands in your hoodie pockets, eyes flicking to hers.

“Goodnight, Alexia.”

She looks up at that. And for a second — just one second — the look on her face says everything else she didn’t say. Then she nods, once. Barely a smile. But it reaches her eyes. “Goodnight.”

She slips into the room. You don’t linger. Just turn toward your own — quiet footsteps down the short hall. You push the door open and Teddy. Right there, already curled up in the middle of your bed. One eye open, tail thumping lazily against the duvet like, about time.

You smile, rubbing the back of your neck as you sit on the edge of the bed. Your phone buzzes on the nightstand. You pick it up.

Alexia: Sleep well. You talk less than I thought you would. I liked it.

You stare at the message for a second, then type back:

You: You talk more than I thought you would. I liked it too.

Teddy sighs dramatically. You laugh under your breath. Then switch off the light. And for the first time in a long time, you fall asleep not needing to prove anything. Because she’s here. And you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

⚽️

You wake to the smell of coffee. And the distinct sound of Teddy betraying you. You roll out of bed, hair a mess, hoodie tugged low over your hands, padding barefoot into the kitchen where—There she is.

Alexia.

Still in your hoodie. One sock on, one foot bare. Mug in hand, eyes still puffy with sleep, standing at your counter while Teddy leans against her legs like he’s never loved anyone else.

She glances up when you walk in, and her smile is soft. Unbrushed. Unfiltered. Real.

“Morning,” she says, voice husky.

You squint. “How’d you find the biscuits?”

She holds up the mug in salute. “I’m elite. And you left a post-it that said ‘left cupboard, top shelf, if teddy won't leave you alone'.”

You grin. “I knew past-me had potential.”

She turns back to the counter, pouring more water into the kettle, while Teddy attempts to wedge himself between her and the cabinets, tail sweeping the floor like a metronome.

“You realise he’s using you,” you say, grabbing a clean mug.

“He can use me all he wants,” she says, reaching down to scratch his ears. “He’s warm.”

You watch her — the way her fingers slide under Teddy’s collar, the way her mouth twitches when he tries to climb into her actual lap. It’s not a moment. Not a capital-letter Event. But something in your chest aches anyway.

Because she looks right here.

You grab the eggs, start cracking them into the pan. She pulls down two plates without being asked. Neither of you talks much. Just a few sleepy comments, heads bumping once as you both reach for the cutlery drawer.

When you sit across from her at the little kitchen table — plates steaming, dog underfoot — she catches your eye as you tuck your leg up under you. She doesn’t look away. Not for a while.

You hold it. You hold her. And the smile she gives you. It says I see this. I feel it. I’m here.

After breakfast, you throw a hoodie over your tee, pull on your trainers, and rattle Teddy’s lead. He loses his mind, of course — spinning, barking, pawing at the door like it personally wronged him.

“You wanna come?” you ask, glancing over your shoulder at Alexia.

She shrugs. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

She throws on a coat of yours on hook, slips into her trainers, and follows you out the door — hair tied up, sleeves rolled down, sunglasses perched on her head like she forgot the sun lives here too despite the cold.

You walk through quiet neighbourhood streets, Teddy darting side to side, nose in every hedge. You and her? Side by side. Not touching. Not saying much. But every now and then, you catch her watching you. And when you glance back— She doesn’t look away.

You loop around the quiet end of the park, the noise of the street fading behind you, and find your bench — tucked under a tree just starting to bloom, a little weathered, sun-warmed. Teddy bounds ahead, lead dropped loose in your hand, tail sweeping in wide arcs like a painter’s brush.

Alexia sits first, arms wrapped around herself like she’s trying not to take up space but still wants to stay close. You drop beside her, leg stretched long, hands resting over your thighs.

For a while, you both just sit. Watching Teddy. Letting the quiet settle.

Then Alexia speaks, voice dry. “You really weren’t kidding about him being enthusiastic.”

You glance at her. She’s staring at Teddy, who’s currently rolling in something deeply questionable on the grass. You sigh.

“Yeah but he’s loyal.. until someone has better snacks anyway.”

She snorts. “I didn’t even have snacks.”

“Exactly,” you say, nudging her foot with yours. “He’s just shallow.”

She smirks, then leans back a little, adjusting the sleeves of your coat again. “He’s got taste, though. He likes me.”

You raise a brow. “Are you calling yourself a snack?”

“I’m not denying it.”

You laugh — sharp, sudden, surprised. And it makes her smile wider “You’ve got this whole mysterious captain thing,” you say, squinting at her. “But secretly, you’re kind of cocky.”

She tilts her head, smug. “Only when I’m right.” You roll your eyes, but your grin’s too soft to mean it. There’s a pause. Then, more gently “I like this,” she says, not looking at you now — just forward, at the dog, at the path.

You shift, the warmth of her words settling low in your ribs. “This?” you echo.

She nods. “The quiet. You. Teddy. This bench.” She pauses, then smirks again. “Even your coat.”

You laugh, quieter this time. “You make it look better than I do.”

“I know.” She meets your eyes then. And the silence that follows doesn't last long until you're leaning into each other laughing about it.

You clear your throat, picking at a thread on your sleeve, when the little old lady that you see everyday was eyeing you with annoyance, "So, um… are you always like this when you’re off the pitch?”

Alexia blinks. “Like what?”

You shrug. “A bit smug. Surprisingly funny. Secretly soft.”

She narrows her eyes, mock offended. “Secretly?”

You smirk. “I mean, the brand is very serious captain with cheekbones that could cut glass.”

Alexia hums. “Cheekbones and a scar. Very dramatic.”

“Oh, absolutely. You’re one trench coat away from being a Bond villain.” That gets a real laugh — full-bodied and sudden. She leans her head back against the bench, still smiling.

Then, “You make this easy,” she says, softer now. “Being here.”

You glance at her. And for a second, it’s all there again — the pitch, the free kick, the weight of it all.

But here, it’s light. You bump your knee gently against hers. “I’m glad you came, Alexia.” She doesn’t look away this time.

“I am too.”

You stretch your legs out in front of you, glancing sideways at her — Alexia, sitting there so casually now, one foot tucked beneath her, face tilted toward the sun like she’s been here a dozen times instead of just once.

You reach down to pat Teddy’s back as he wanders close.

Then glance at her.

“Do you like clichés?”

She lifts a brow. “What kind of question is that?”

You shrug, casual. “Like, romantic comedies. Grand gestures. Saying the same dumb things everyone else does. Standing on famous streets pretending you’re having an authentic experience.”

Alexia leans back, lips twitching. “You’re stalling.”

You grin. “Maybe.”

She squints at you now, playful. “Okay. Ask me properly.”

You turn toward her fully, arms folded over your chest like you’re about to deliver something serious.

“Would you like to do all the ridiculously cliché tourist things in Munich with me today?”

Alexia’s head tips slightly to the side, considering.

You keep going.

“I mean the whole deal — the Marienplatz selfie. Pretending to care about the Glockenspiel. Giant pretzels. A walk through the Englischer Garten where I’ll tell you lies about German history I definitely make up.”

Her smile creeps in slowly — then fully.

“I want lederhosen photos.”

You gasp, dramatically. “That’s advanced cliché.”

“I’m committed.”

You laugh. “God help us.”

She leans in slightly. “Only if you wear them too.”

You groan. “I’ve made a mistake.”

“You offered.”

You hold her gaze for a second, heart kicking a little louder now beneath all the lightness.

And she’s still smiling.

But there’s something genuine behind it.

Like maybe, for the first time in a long time, she’s just saying yes to a day that doesn’t come with pressure, or cameras, or expectations.

Just you.

She nudges your knee with hers. “So? We going or what?”

You whistle for Teddy. “Marienplatz, prepare yourself.”

⚽️

You start with Marienplatz. Because of course you do.

The crowds are already gathering under the watchful clock of the Neues Rathaus, phones out and necks craning toward the tower. You know the Glockenspiel starts at eleven. You’ve seen it a dozen times. It’s slow. It’s slightly underwhelming. But you still pretend like it’s sacred.

“People clap after this?” Alexia murmurs beside you, watching a small bronze knight rotate in a slow, juddering circle.

“Every time,” you whisper back. “It’s powerful.”

She gives you the driest look you’ve ever seen and it almost takes you out.

You snap a selfie right there — her unimpressed expression next to your exaggerated awe. It’s perfect. You don't even check it before saving.

From there it’s Viktualienmarkt — where you insist on finding the most absurdly oversized pretzel possible. Alexia watches you barter with a vendor and somehow ends up paying instead. She splits it with you anyway. You walk through the stalls like locals, even though you're both definitely not.

You buy her a little pin shaped like a beer stein. You stick it to her jacket pocket. “Souvenir,” she says.

You end up in the Englischer Garten by early afternoon, the kind of place where the trees stretch wide and people picnic like they’ve got nowhere else to be. Teddy loses his mind over a pigeon and nearly pulls Alexia into a fountain.

You don’t let that one go quietly. “Two time Ballon D'or, and you still couldn’t hold the line.”

“It was a very fast pigeon.”

You laugh until you’re leaning against her, shoulder to shoulder, catching your breath while Teddy runs victory laps around you both.

At the beer garden, you sit under the shade of chestnut trees, and Alexia orders something she can’t pronounce while you pretend to translate and definitely make it worse.

She tries white sausage and doesn’t hide her reaction.

You raise a brow. “Too real?”

“I can mark out midfielders. I can’t defend this texture.”

You toast anyway.

Later, you wander without purpose — through side streets with painted shutters and ivy-streaked balconies, past musicians playing under archways and little kids holding balloon strings tight to their wrists. Alexia keeps her sunglasses low on her nose, watching it all.

“I get why you like it here,” she says.

You glance over. “Yeah?”

She nods, then adds softly, “You fit here.”

It sticks.

You end up near the river as golden hour starts to take the edge off the buildings. There’s a stone ledge overlooking the water. You sit. She leans back on her hands, face turned to the sky.

“Okay,” she says finally. “This was... fun.”

You grin. “You sound surprised.”

“I am. I didn’t think cliché could feel like this.”

“Like what?”

She glances at you. Her expression doesn’t change much — but her voice does. “Easy.”

You don’t say anything for a second. Just smile. Then bump her knee gently with yours. “Think we earned ice cream?”

She tilts her head. “Is that part of the cliché package?”

“Obviously.”

You walk back into the city with cones in hand, Teddy leading the way again, tail wagging like a metronome keeping time with your steps.

And somewhere along that walk — maybe crossing a street, or brushing hands as you trade bites of each other’s flavours — something soft settles between you.

Not tension. Not expectation. Just understanding.

⚽️

You swing by the flat first — the front door barely closed before Teddy flops dramatically across the hallway floor like he’s survived something immense.

Alexia kneels down beside him, ruffles behind his ears, and says, “You’ll be alright without us.”

He sighs like he won’t.

You both change quickly — nothing fancy, just different hoodies, fresh faces, the kind of casual that looks better on her than it has any right to.

The bar you pick is a local one — tucked into a side street off the main square, part wine bar, part café, part 'we might have regulars but we won’t pretend to know your name unless you want us to.'

You take the corner table. The lights are soft and golden, the walls cluttered with mismatched frames and shelves of wine bottles. You order a bottle of white you’ve had before — one you hope she’ll like — and a snack board that arrives faster than expected: warm bread, cheese, olives, salted almonds.

She looks around, impressed. “You bring all your international friends here?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Only the ones who knock me out the champions league.”

“Fair,” she says, hiding a smile behind her glass.

You’ve barely had a sip before you reach into your bag and pull out a battered Uno deck.

Alexia blinks. “You brought cards?”

“They have them as you walk in. I’m competitive,” you say, shrugging. “And brave.”

She laughs once, short and sharp. “You’re going to regret this.”

“I’ve already accepted that.” You deal. And it begins.

It starts civil. Friendly. Smirks over skips. Light jabs when she stacks draw twos. You both pick at the snack board between plays, hands brushing occasionally as you reach for the same olive.

But by the second game, It’s personal.

She slams down a reverse like it’s a tactical sub in a final. You pull a draw four from your hoodie pocket like a weapon of war. She narrows her eyes. You lift your brows, mock-innocent.

It’s deadly serious. It’s ridiculous. And you’re both grinning like you haven’t stopped since this morning.

The bar starts to fill in slowly, but your little corner stays quiet — like a bubble you haven’t noticed growing around you. Just you, her, your wine glasses catching the light, and a stack of discarded cards that tells a very messy, very entertaining story.

Somewhere between games, you pause — mid-sip, watching her draw her hand.

“Are you always like this?” you ask. “Lowkey evil under all that calm?”

She looks up, unbothered. “Only when provoked.”

You laugh, leaning back. “Remind me not to cross you again.”

She smirks, eyes flicking up at you over her cards. “You already did,” she says, laying down a wild card.

The round ends. She wins.

You groan dramatically and throw your cards onto the table. She raises her hands in mock celebration, then quietly steals another piece of cheese from your side of the board.

“You know,” she says casually, chewing, “This might be the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

You blink. She doesn’t look up right away — just flips the deck over and starts reshuffling it absentmindedly.

But you’re watching her. And there’s no doubt in your mind. She means it.

⚽️

The walk home from the bar is slow. No rush. No real conversation either. Just a lot of little smiles. Shoulders brushing sometimes. The city quieter now — streetlights pooling in soft circles at your feet.

When you reach your building, you both slip inside quietly, Teddy greeting you at the door with a sleepy grumble and a thump of his tail.

You toe off your shoes, hang your jacket, glance over at her — and then, impulsively:

“Wanna see something stupid?”

Alexia blinks. “Not usually the way someone convinces me to follow them, but… sure.”

You grin.

You lead her through the flat — past the living room, into your bedroom. Teddy hops onto the bed like he’s reclaiming his kingdom. You move to the window — the one you always leave cracked just a little — and unlatch it the rest of the way.

You glance back at her.

She’s standing with her arms folded, watching you like she’s bracing for something truly ridiculous.

You duck out first — onto the sloped bit of roofing just beyond the window, socks scraping softly against the tiles. You crouch low, then stand carefully, balancing with practiced ease.

You turn and beckon. Alexia just stares. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

She steps closer, looks out.

The drop’s not that bad. 22 feet, maybe. But the tiles are slick with dew, and there’s no railing, no barrier, no sensible adult supervision.

“This is wildly unsafe,” she mutters.

You just smile. “Come on. I’m not gonna let you fall.”

She glares at you, muttering something in Catalan that sounds very judgmental. But you can see it — the twitch at the corner of her mouth. She’s not really mad.

She’s just concerned. Which somehow only makes it better.

After a few more seconds of muttering under her breath, she sighs dramatically, steps up onto the ledge, and eases herself through the window with surprising grace — a little unsteady at first, reaching for your hand instinctively.

You catch it. Steady her. “See?” you say, squeezing her fingers lightly. “Easy.”

“Still stupid,” she mutters.

But she doesn’t pull away. You lead her a few steps up — careful, slow — until you both settle onto the slightly flatter part of the roof, side by side, legs pulled up to your chest..

She finally looks up the whole city stretches out in front of her.

The rooftops curve into the skyline, lights twinkling like fallen stars. The dark river cuts a lazy path through the buildings. A few stray sirens whine in the distance, but mostly it’s just quiet. Wide and open and impossibly still.

Alexia exhales — a soft, almost disbelieving sound. The corners of her mouth lift. And whatever worry she had before melts off her shoulders.

“Okay,” she says, voice lighter now. “Maybe it’s worth the risk.”

You bump your knee against hers. “Told you.”

You sit like that for a long time — no rush, no plan. Just the two of you, the city breathing around you, your hands close enough to touch if you dared.

Every now and then, you glance over and catch her watching the lights, the horizon, the night itself like she’s letting herself believe she could belong to something this simple.

The climb back in through the window is quieter than the climb out.

Alexia moves slower now, heavy with the kind of tired that comes after a day full of laughter and nowhere to be but here. She drops softly into your bedroom, feet padding across the floor, hoodie sleeves pulled down over her hands again.

You follow behind, closing the window gently behind you.

Teddy’s already curled up on the bed, barely lifting his head to acknowledge your return. He gives Alexia one approving thump of the tail. You’re not sure if it’s for coming back safely or for still being here.

You rub at the back of your neck, eyes a little hazy, wine long gone.

Alexia stands in the doorway to the guest room now, hand on the frame. Her expression is soft — not sleepy exactly, just settled.

She looks at you. And it hits again — this moment. How simple it is. How much it means. You lean against the wall across from her, arms crossed loosely, smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

“I’ll make sure you don’t miss your flight in the morning,” you say.

She smirks faintly. “You better.”

“I’ll set three alarms.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “Four.”

You laugh, quiet and tired. “Pushy.”

She shrugs. “Punctual.”

The pause that follows isn’t awkward. It’s full. Of all the things neither of you are saying right now. But it’s okay. You already said so much.

She shifts slightly, head tilting. “Today was…”

You nod. “Yeah.”

She doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t have to.

You step forward, and without thinking, you pull her into a light hug — not long, not heavy, but enough. Enough to feel the warmth of her hoodie, the steady beat of her breath, the soft slide of her hand as it rests briefly on the back of your head.

You pull back just a little. She’s still close. “Goodnight, Alexia.”

Her eyes flicker — tired and unreadable, but warmer now “Goodnight.”

She steps into the guest room and closes the door behind her with a gentle click. You exhale.

Teddy stretches across your bed with a groan like he just ran the city.

You flick off the hallway light, pad back into your room, and crawl beneath the covers.

The room is dark now. But your chest is full. And your alarms are definitely set. Tomorrow she leaves.

⚽️

The alarms buzz you awake just after six.

Teddy barely lifts his head as you stumble into the kitchen, yawning, the world outside still caught between night and day.

Alexia’s already up. You find her sitting on the edge of the couch, tying her sneakers — hair messy, hoodie slung loose over her frame, backpack by her feet.

She looks up when you walk in, and there’s a small, tired smile waiting for you. “Morning,” she says, voice thick with sleep.

You hum a reply, rubbing your eyes. Neither of you rush.

You load Teddy into the backseat. He whines a little, sensing something is different. The drive to the airport is quiet — warm coffee cups in the holders, the radio playing something soft neither of you bother to change.

She leans her forehead against the window once, watching the fields blur into concrete. When you pull up to Departures, you leave the car idling, glancing over at her.

She’s already unbuckling her seatbelt, but neither of you move right away.

The city is waking up outside. You’re wide awake here. Alexia shifts in her seat to face you. “This was…” She trails off, the words sticking again.

You smile, small. “Yeah. It was.”

She fiddles with the ring on her finger.

You grip the steering wheel lightly. “You’ll make your flight.”

She nods. “Thanks for not letting me oversleep.”

You bump your shoulder against hers gently. “Thanks for making it hard to say goodbye.”

That gets a real smile — tired, fond, a little crooked. She opens the door, stepping out into the sharp morning air. You get out too.

You meet her around the back of the car — not rushed, not dramatic. Just standing there, with a sea of taxis and early travelers moving around you like another current you’re not ready to step into yet.

She shoulders her bag. You jam your hands into your hoodie pockets.

Then — simply — she steps closer. You think she might hug you. You think you might need her to.

But instead, she reaches up — slow, careful — and hooks one finger lightly around your hoodie drawstring. Tugs it once. Soft. Playful.

“Text me when you get home,” you say, even though you’re already sure she will.

Alexia nods. “You too.”

And then — because she knows when to let things stay perfect — she turns and walks toward the entrance. You watch her weave through the doors. She doesn’t look back. Not until she’s just inside, bag slung over one shoulder, ticket in hand. Then she does. Just once.

She finds you through the glass — through the crowd and the noise and the press of the world. She smiles. Small. Sure. Enough.

You lift a hand. She does too. Then she’s gone, swallowed into the current of the airport.

You stand there a moment longer, breath fogging in the chill, Teddy’s nose nudging your hand.

You pat his head. Then you climb back into the car. And drive home, to grab a few more hours of sleep before training.

[bullet-prooflove]

Permanent Marker: Dennis Whitaker x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @cosmic-psychickitty @sargeant-sad-eyes @caffeinatedwoman @hooks-martin

Companion piece to:

Peppermint - The taste of peppermint will always have a special place in Dennis’s heart.

The Morgue Thing - A miscommunication between you and Dennis almost ends things before they begin.

Written In The Stars - Your first date with Dennis takes place underneath the stars.

In The Park - Dennis reveals a secret after the two of you spend the night together in the park.

Virgin - There's a rumour going around about Dennis.

Debauched (NSFW) - Karaoke night ends a lot differently than it did the first time around.

Symphony (NSFW) - Dennis has never eaten pussy before...

Pretty Boy (NSFW) - You and Dennis take the next step in your relationship.

Dennis wakes up to the sensation of your lips brushing over his forehead, your palm cupping his cheek before you kiss his mouth in that wonderful sweet way of yours. He groans, arching up to meet you and you smile before you draw away.

“I need to head into work to take care of something.” You tell him, your nose trailing  over his. “Get some rest, you had a busy night last night.”

“You should come back to bed.” He mumbles, his thumb chasing over the apple of your cheek. “I want to practise some more.”

“You don’t need to practise.” You tell him as he steals another greedy kiss. “You were perfect last night, both times.”

He’d rallied again at three in the morning, you’d woken up to his lips ghosting down your throat, his hand wandering. He’d had you from behind this time, your fingers entwining with his before you guided them down to your clit. He’d found your rhythm almost immediately, played all the right notes, all the way to the crescendo.

“Go back to sleep.” You urge him, your palm coming to rest on the space where his heart resides before you give him a gentle push. “We can play a little more tonight if you’re free.”

“Oh I’m definitely free.” He mumbles, sagging back into the pillows and burrowing down into the sheets. His eyes start to flutter closed and you smile at the sight of him, so relaxed, so care free.

It’s the change of shift for security when you get to the hospital. You know that Olsen and Ahmed like to do the handover in the canteen over a cup of coffee so the office will be empty.

You stand in front of the betting board, surveying all of those post-its about Dennis’s virginity. The suggestions, the implications, the odds. You remove them one by one, putting them into your pocket instead of the trash because you don’t want them to be able to use them to make good on those bets. Then you pick up a permanent marker, not one of the dry wipe ones that reside in the pen pot and get to work.

You came to learn about the board this morning when a friend texted you asking for details because she saw you and Dennis leaving karaoke together last night.

“You know I don’t kiss and tell.” You’d text back, to which she responded.

“Come on Lis, I’ve got $100 riding on this.”

That’s when you remember the bets about the ambulance, about Dr Robby and his younger girlfriend. You know it’s supposed to be a bit of fun, a way of venting the stress that comes with the job but this, this is just too far.

You take your time on the words, etching them in thick block capitals. You want them to stand out, make a point, you also want them as hard as hell to remove so that everytime they even think about doing something like this again, they’ll reconsider.

Do better, you write covering the majority of the board. Don’t be fucking assholes.

You don’t sign it off, you don’t want Gloria reprimanding you for defacing hospital property but the people who run those bets, they’ll know.

And they’ll know better than to cross you again.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[antianakin]

I'm not sure Obi-Wan actually... knows? He's not in the room when Anakin gives them to her and she ignites them, so while I imagine Obi-Wan's aware that Anakin kept them and has been maintaining them and such, there's nothing to me that indicates that he knows what color they are now, and every interaction he has with Ahsoka afterwards is over a holo call and she doesn't have her lightsabers ignited during those.

The creepiness of it I think is mostly subtextual and comes from the audience's understanding of Anakin and the way he tends to view love as a possessive thing. His gestures can often SEEM very sincere and sweet at first glance, but with another look or two or three, you start noticing some weird undertones. TCW has quite a few scenes like this, mostly with Padme, and what's interesting is that they ARE different than the way they're done in the films. In the films, the creepiness factor is WAY higher in a lot of ways, and the balance is honestly kind-of off there, too, just in the opposite direction, and it's nearly impossible to understand why Padme would even LIKE him when he just comes off entirely as an overdramatic selfish creep. TCW keeps those scenes a LOT subtler and so the sweetness takes center stage and the creepiness only comes in if you go back a few times, maybe as an older person with the added perspective of age and experience, and pick up on the subtext and the ways in which the things Anakin says can SEEM sweet but really are disrespectful or possessive or both. He's using all the right words in the right tone of voice but it's the motive that's flawed.

The lightsaber color change is clearly intended to have Ahsoka's sabers match his own. If we go with the idea that the color itself doesn't really have any meaning to the Jedi and the word of God explanation that they are still her sabers and all Anakin did was like... shift it three degrees to the left to change the color, then there's nothing SUPER invasive or offensive about it. It's a little weird, one of those things you roll your eyes at a little because it's kinda like Anakin handed her matching PJs or matching Jedi robes or something because why NOT match? It's kinda stupid, it's a little cringe, but whatever, they're still her crystals and the lightsabers still work and the fact that Anakin's kept her lightsabers with him as well as continued to maintain them shows how much she meant to him and the hope he kept around that she would one day return. Even the color change is, in some ways, part of that gesture of hope that she'd one day want to come back.

The creepiness comes in when you realize it's more about him and how he feels than about Ahsoka at all. The creepiness comes from Anakin seeing Ahsoka as HIS. He wants a visible symbol that she is HIS Padawan, he wants to BIND her to him in a way everyone can see. She left him once, and he views that as a disappointment, a failure. And not even necessarily HIS failure, but Ahsoka's failure. That deleted scene where he talks to Obi-Wan makes it pretty apparent that, on some level, he's disappointed in what he perceives as Ahsoka's failure. Taking her lightsabers with him and changing the color to match his own is just another sign of how Anakin is upset that Ahsoka left HIM and how bad he is at letting anyone go and how possessive he is towards the people he claims to care about.

It actually makes sense to me that Ahsoka doesn't react to this as something creepy. She's never had to experience Anakin's possessive behavior before, she has no concept of just how much Anakin struggles with letting go and attachment and how fucked up he is by her choice to leave. She doesn't have the context through which to find the creepiness in this gesture. As far as Ahsoka is concerned, with what she knows of Anakin, this is just a big brother doing something a little cringey as a prank at worst. It's a little embarrassing perhaps, but it shows that he missed her. The creepiness SHOULD only really be visible to the audience at this point. YOU'RE the one who is supposed to be bringing the context of what you know of Anakin to this scene and recognizing all of the ways in which Anakin means this gesture, even the ones Ahsoka is incapable of seeing.

And in the same vein, that sweetness is equally as important to the scene to get across. The whole point behind Anakin is that he isn't some monster with no redeemable qualities to him. The whole point is that there was a lot of good in him and a lot of good intentions and real genuine care for people, and that all of it got twisted up by his fear and his pain and it consumed him step by step until he took that last leap over the cliff into the darkness completely. Before that, it's mostly meant to be simmering underneath the surface. But if there isn't a good person in there that you can see and recognize, then his choice to come BACK in ROTJ has a lot less impact.

Obviously the issue here is that the scene leading into this one is Jedi critical as all get out, we know Filoni has a massive boner for Anakin as the "greatest Jedi of all time" and the ways that impacts Ahsoka's own greatness, and that the balance between Anakin's goodness and his darkness is probably the narrative that is the weakest across the films and TCW. TCW does it a little better but only because they turned Anakin into Obi-Wan with slightly more anger issues and so he feels a little more likable most of the time, but he's also not... Anakin anymore in some ways, which is a whole different conversation. But it can be hard to view this moment without some of those other pieces of context, and so it can feel like the creepiness that Filoni claims is intended to be there is intentionally being overshadowed by the sweetness because of Filoni's personal bias.

We are also seeing this particular moment THROUGH AHSOKA'S EYES, she is very much the point of view character in this scene, and so it makes sense that SHE sees it as an embarrassing but sweet gesture, even if WE know that there's some darker shit behind it. Because that's the whole emotional core of the rest of this arc. WE know that Anakin is four days away from committing a genocide. WE know that as Ahsoka is taking out Maul, Anakin is falling more and more into darkness. WE know exactly what Ahsoka hears in her vision even when she doesn't. WE know exactly how Anakin abandoned her to die as we watch her fight her way through her own men. Ahsoka barely understands what's happening and has no idea of Anakin's involvement in it and the betrayal that just happened, BUT WE DO, and that's literally the entire driving force behind WHY it's emotional in many ways. It's why that last image of Darth Vader going to that planet and finding her lightsaber is meaningful at all. He knows he betrayed her, he knows he abandoned her to die, he knows that whatever happened here is his fault, and he has to live with that knowledge. Ahsoka gets to wander off in ignorance, but Anakin never does.

Ahsoka's ignorance is the tragedy, and that tragedy begins right here, with these damn lightsabers and their new color.

So there's ways I think this scene works, I do think that having it land both sweet and creepy is pretty par for the course for how a lot of Anakin's scenes go (especially with the big three: Padme, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka) and that the creepiness IS meant to come more from your own knowledge while the sweetness comes from Ahsoka's limited knowledge, but Filoni's personal biases that we all know about and are bringing to this scene as well make it feel like that sweetness is perhaps getting overemphasized and so the creepiness factor isn't coming across the way he thought it would.

Anakin changing the color of Ahsoka's lightsabers is such a weird writing choice to make because it honestly makes zero sense with everything we've been shown or told up until then about how lightsabers work.

In the Gathering arc, we see all of the kids pick up what appear to be pretty similarly colored white crystals, but they don't all end up with the same color lightsaber. We hear them discuss the importance of choosing the design of the hilt to suit them, but never once hear them discuss any importance to choosing the COLOR of the saber. There's never any indication that the Jedi can choose the color of their saber, it's effectively chosen for them when they're led to a crystal to begin with.

The only other times we know someone can change the color of a crystal is bleeding and purifying which requires a lot of effort and appears to result only in red or white blades.

So for Anakin to have changed the color of Ahsoka's sabers from green/yellow to blue, either we need to completely discount that worldbuilding and assume that the hilt provides the color somehow and can be engineered differently, or Anakin somehow found two new crystals that he was able to confirm were blue and replaced her crystals with the new ones.

The option was there to just have Anakin have adjusted the design of hilt if they wanted to have Anakin do something to her lightsabers that was invasively sweet in a typically Anakin sort of way, to make them match his and Obi-Wan's more or something. Or if they wanted it to be genuinely sweet, he could've just given her back the sabers normally. And instead, they just... threw out everything we ever knew about the lightsabers just to give Ahsoka sabers that they were going to have her throw away in 3 episodes anyway and never get back. I don't really see the point of it when the lightsabers have no emotional impact upon anything.

[johanna-swann]

Okay, so this is going to sound very conspiracy theory like, but here's what I think happened (in regards to Bobby's death, Tommy being back, Eddie still not being back and a general outlook on season 9).

I think Tim Minear came back to the show, they moved to a different network, they churned out half a season somehow between multiple strikes and other adjustments. They put a lot of money into the opening disaster which worked and got fans excited. They peppered in soap opera style plot points throughout the rest of the season (wedding episode, Buck coming out, Doppelgänger plot, reintroducing Bobby's background, new Henren kid) because the fans care about the characters and what happens to them. There was barely any procedural in this drama throughout most of season 7, it was 90% the characters' personal drama they showed.

But people were willing to overlook this because at least all the characters had stuff going on and there were extenuating circumstances. Then season 8a rolled around. Once again they went big on the opening disaster, after that though?

Most of the plots introduced in season 7 were dropped immediately. Bobby was suicidal at the end of last season, he's fine in 8x01 though. The conflict between Eddie and Christopher is mentioned here and there, but we don't see Eddie working on his issues. Ortiz is defeated and written out of the show in the very first episode after the opening disaster. Athena gets her thriller plot in the opening disaster and then gets sidelined for the next idk how many episodes. Maddie and Chimney are barely main characters at all, they mostly just exist in the background. The only relevant plot they kept going was Bucktommy, but even they only got insubstantial comedy side plots until they were suddenly broken up. The mid-season finale was a huge let-down and there was barely anything interesting going on in the show anymore.

Here's where the conspiracy part begins: Without the distraction of at least one engaging plot to follow and the lack of new episodes coming in viewers started to notice that the show was treading water. Then the feedback started to trickle in and it wasn't good. I think that's when they decided that they really had to do something that would shake things up and change things permanently. They had already filmed the serial killer two parter though, so they only made small changes / additions (Buddie goodbye scene) and started to really write stories with a lasting impact again post 8x10.

Call me crazy, but I think they really didn't plan to bring Tommy back, not so soon and not as Buck's love interest. That's not what the interviews sounded like back in November. But then, only a few episodes after the break-up suddenly Tommy was back, they showed how both Buck and Tommy still have feelings for each other and literally made Buck say the words "I am not in love with Eddie". There will be no more "will they won't they" "queerbaity-ish" plots between Buck and Eddie, that conversation is over. They gave a nod to the fandom by bringing it up like "yeah, we see you" and at the same time let them down gently by saying "we're going another direction though". That is a very permanent decision for a show that doesn't like change. The way they keep bringing Tommy back, even when he's only mentioned, could very well also mean he's here to stay which means giving Buck, the resident perpetual bachelor, a permanent love interest. Another huge change.

The second thing they did was remove Eddie from the equation. Not completely, not permanently, not yet. But let me just throw the idea out there: What if this was a test run? A "let's not get rid of him just yet, let's see if we can manage without him first". So they sent Eddie to Texas. Finally did something with that plot, even if it was severely disappointing and made no sense. (The problem was that Eddie had issues he didn't work on and in the process hurt his kid and broke his trust. Then we see them in Texas, but suddenly Eddie's mom is the actual problem while Christopher is super chill around Eddie? When the last time we saw them speak to each other Christopher barely wanted to talk to Eddie? Make it make sense.) Anyway, Eddie still got his screen time, but they kept him firmly separated from the 118. Buck was on the phone with Eddie a few times, mostly so Eddie would have a scene partner who he could talk to openly, nobody else even mentioned Eddie. Bobby accidentally called Ravi "Eddie" twice, but I think that was more about Ravi feeling like maybe he doesn't belong rather than Bobby actually missing Eddie. So yeah, maybe this was a trial run to see if they can do season 9 without Eddie and so far I have to admit, I don't really miss him? I'm sure they could've worked him into the recent two parter, but they definitely didn't need him.

Third they brought back Ravi and this time everyone is happy to have him there. Buck tries to actually be his friend this time around, gets to be a mentor figure for him and Ravi has his small "maybe I'm not cut out for this" to "I'll commit domestic terrorism if that's what it takes" arc. 8x14 really cemented that Ravi is a part of the team and he chooses to be a part of this team. He's a pall bearer in Bobby's funeral for god's sake, he belongs to the 118 - a 118 that needs new members because they're losing at least one this season. So. Ravi main season 9?

Big change number 4 - Bobby's death. A main character death is a big, big stunt. If they decide they don't like Tommy for Buck after all, they can change their minds later. If they decide they want Eddie back, they can leave options open to bring him back later. Bobby's death? They can't walk that one back. Bobby and Buck are probably the most central characters for the firefam (Bobby as the patriarch and Buck as the link between all sides of the family) and Peter Krause is no small name on tv. This is not a move they would've pulled if they weren't committed to making drastic changes to a show that previously had come to a bit of a standstill. They want to change the very foundation of this show. If they're willing to kill off one of the main characters among main characters, what else are they willing to change? Some of the above? All of it?

The final piece is still very vague, but they also said they wanted to keep Athena connected to the 118 in a tangible way. People have suggested that May might become a firefighter, but tbh I don't think it would fit. She already was a part of the first responder network for an entire year and then decided to go to uni anyway. Athena went to uni and then decided to become a cop instead, May did it the other way around. Why would they change that again now? I think it's more likely that a) Harry graduates and applies to the academy or that b) they'll make May and Ravi a couple. The latter could also make sense if they're trying to keep the same amount and kinds of couples around. If Buck and Tommy really get back together and become a permanent fixture in the 911 universe, May and Ravi could be the new "will they won't they" couple who keep running into stupid hurdles because they're not sure what they're doing while Bucktommy slowly settle down.

Conclusion: Big changes are on the horizon for 911, they already vaguely teased that there may be cast changes other than just Peter Krause being gone for season 9. I think they decided that some major changes needed to happen during the winter hiatus and then talked about a few possibilities, tried some of them and are now ready to finalise those decisions. Maybe one of the reasons that filming is coming along so slowly is that they weren't sure yet which route to go, had to re-shoot scenes or filmed several versions to choose from. (There are soooo many stills that never showed up in an episode.) Idk, but what I do know is that there are a lot of possibilities for permanent change to choose from and they seem committed to actually go through with those changes this time.

[creamyhoneycookie]

Ok, but what about a yan!reader? Someone who was interested in history and found document of the Beasts back when they were still the virtues. Becoming absolutely obsessed until realizing that they're still alive?!! Even if they've changed, that doesn't mean anything to our dear little yan!reader! They'll love the Beasts all the same!

(Preferably dif scenario's with all three but if I can only do one than shadow milk :3 )

These are going to be a little shorter, but this kept me UP last night thinking. Thankfully, espresso!

CONTENT WARNINGS: Obsession, stalking, predator/prey dynamics, unhealthy relationship dynamics

Regardless of who you fall for, it starts the same: research in a library so old, the statues of grand Witches still have faces. Legends tell of great heroes- a woman so kind and gracious that she grants the wishes of those who come to her, a general who revolutionized the lands he visited, the scholar who created magic itself... All across the darkest seas. It's such a hard journey, but... doesn't love persist?

Mystic Flour Cookie doesn't know what brings this strange cookie to her pagoda, but she does not care. Not until Cloud Haetae Cookie comes to her, reporting- you have no desire, no wish to ask of her- no greedy heart to tear into her heart, but you've spent all day sweeping the grounds, dusting and repairing the pagoda. Even if you're actually very bad at it. Eventually, she descends from her chambers, watching you quietly- she does not expect the adoration in your eyes, she soft flush of your cheeks.

"My Lady... I've journeyed far to join you...! You don't have to worry. I'll help from now on. You've done so much, you can rest- oh, but, I made tea! Won't you join me?"

... Strange. Mystic Flour Cookie isn't sure why... but despite this pure love... something weighs heavily from your words. But she cannot give it a name.

Burning Spice Cookie you find at his army encampment, and he takes you as just one of many followers easily... either you serve him as one more soldier, or you die in these conquests. He does not care. Except... once you arrive, he feels your eyes on him, constantly. Being watched, even when he's alone- it shouldn't unnerve him so, but it does.

And it thrills him. He has always been the hunter, the beast- for something, someone to make him feel like the prey? It's... EXCITING. He throws himself into figuring out who his hunter is- and when it's you? Oh, it's incredible. The dynamic shifts, cat and mouse constantly, and you both know it. This is love! It must be love! No one else can get each other's heart racing like this, and when you have him cornered, crawling into his lap like a lion about to strike, he adores it.

Shadow Milk Cookie isn't sure where you came from. First you were in the town outside the Spire. Then you were at the gates. And then- then you were making your way inside. He's hostile at first, prickly- one bitten, twice shy, you might say. (Nevermind the fact that he bit first, more often and refused to believe Pure Vanilla Cookie when he actually did tell the truth.)

He bullies you, toys with you, puts you through all kinds of tests: but every time you speak the truth:

I really do love you!

... And if he knows lies, he also knows truth. Eventually, he'll have no choice to believe you. ... Aaaaaaat which point, he's delighted, actually! He's terribly lonely, you know. Once he knows that you're the real deal, he'll accept your twisted love with glee; so long as you stay with him, he'll accept it all. ... Even if he gets a little snarky about it sometimes. Like, he already had Candy Apple Cookie, and now there's you? --Please don't kill each other he loves his minions.

[respectthepetty]

Wild Ass Theory - Pit Babe 2

I fucked up and didn't block the tag, so I know some stuff based on everyone's reactions to the trailer, but all I really got out of the reactions is Alan is still fine as hell, and if anything happens to him, I will riot.

I also know Barbie and Charles are going to get married, but I could figure that out from the light up ring box since it was shining so damn bright!

So now that I have watched the trailer, muted, and without subs, I'm here to report on what wild ass theory I came up with based solely on colors and vibes . . . starting with the blue.

Charles is a Blue Boy and Barbara is a Black Brooder, so the beginning of the trailer perfectly captures their love.

Because of Blue Boy Charles, Barbara was much lighter by the end of the first season, and that carries over into this season.

BUT in the scene where Charles leaves Barbie, he is fully black.

So my Wild Ass Theory is I don't think Barbie cheats on Charles. I think his darkness comes from making a deal with the devil.

A whole year ago, way back when a second season was announced with a teaser, I thought Tony was going to use Charles since Charles power was absorbing other powers, and in Jeffrey's visions, he saw Charles bleeding.

So knowing Barbie, he would do anything for his man, including going back to the dark (red) side.

The inside of Barbie's car is red, so I think he is even throwing races to protect Charles.

We know the devil is doing experiments on people, so he can figure out how to give them powers, but I think Charles will be the missing piece of his puzzle.

And this is clearly Blue Boy Charles hooked up for experiments in Peter's lab.

His Blue Boy power has to be the special link Tony is missing, right?!

Therefore, I don't think Barbie is sexually interested in the dark void named Willy, but is trying to get information out of Willy about Tony's plan for Charles.

BECAUSE I THINK WILLY ACTUALLY LIKES CHARLES!!!!!

Pink = 💕love💕 which is why Southwest Airlines and Vegas' Hedgehog are kissing underneath it, so I think instead of Willy being a horrible guy, he is basically going to be Waymond and Peter from last season, and just be an idiot in love who is willing to do dumb shit to get close to Charles like race him at night in little go-carts!

So I think Jeffrey is being sabotaged since he can see the future because the only person who would've told Barbie that Charles would be in trouble is Jeffrey.

Therefore, Tony snatches Alan and turns him into a demon (see the horns!!!!) to keep Jeffrey busy, so he won't fuck up his Charles plan.

But here is the thing — there is a lot of white in this trailer as if angels are coming through.

So Kentana has Kimberly and Alan has Jeffrey to save him.

In the previous trailer, I questioned if Southwest Airlines was going to do something funky to gain powers.

But for a boy that was pissing me off in the first season because he could not get his color together, he showed up in the announcement teaser in white, and now in this trailer he is in white, so I think Sonic will be the one to save North if shit goes south (Kimberly was also in white in the announcement trailer).

And even though I think Barbie is trying to save Charles from being used as an experimental lab rat for Tony, I think Charles will be the one to save Barbie, again, from the darkness.

But, more importantly, I think Waymond Christopher will save them all.

Peter, just like Kentana and Barbie, was always a Black Brooder because of his alignment with Tony, but Christopher is lighter than Waymond ever was.

So I think Christopher will be the one to lighten up Peter, and save the day because if they figure out that Charles is the key to everything while fucking, then everyone wins!

So I think there will be a lot of people sacrificing themselves for the others this season solely because there is soooo much white, and the last time someone wore white it was Waymond in the season one finale and he died protecting them!

So we have all these angels trying to rescue their men all because Black Brooder Barbie needs his Blue Boy Charles back safely.

And out of the clutches of darkness.

Let's see how much I'm clownin' when this premieres next month!

[darknight3904]

tommyxfemreader thigh riding🫦 maybe in her home in Jackson lowkey forbidden since he’s with Maria (love u queen but…)

Pretty Boy

Jackson!Tommy x Fem!Reader

Summary: Cursed to watch him from afar, you finally make a move on Tommy one day when he's stuck in your house due to a thunderstorm.

Warnings: Language, Smut 18+, Dom/swtich!reader, sub/switch Tommy, thigh riding, dirty talk, handjobs, cheating (don't do that irl.)

TLOU Masterlist

Word Count: 2.2k

I got carried away with this one, whoopsie. Went a bit off the rails, but I hope you enjoy it, anon. @xodilfluvr No pressure tag, but I think you're going to like this one.

You had a major problem. 

You couldn’t get him out of your fucking head. Tommy Miller was eating up every spare nook and cranny your brain had to offer. 

You arrived in Jackson nearly a year ago. With its quaint town and even nicer people, you were finally comfortable here at the end of the world. The issue though had started about six months ago, your first patrol run was led by none other than the ex-Firefly himself. You at first hadn’t thought much of him, probably just another guy with a big mouth and no skill to back it up. Instead, you were astounded when he brought down three infected, all head shots, from atop a large hill. Then, he’d wrapped his arms around you, repositioning your elbows in the best way to hold a gun so you didn’t get knocked on your ass by the kick back. His deep voice had your head spinning as you tried to focus on what he was saying about aiming right. 

Since then, you’d become a woman obsessed. But truly it wasn't your fault, Tommy Miller was just really fucking pretty, a pretty boy if you will. Dark curls and big brown eyes to go with, god, he was gorgeous, who could blame you for being so interested?

Now, most people would bite the bullet, ask their crush out instead of pining like some teenage girl, and you would, you really would, except there was one issue. Tommy Miller was a taken man. 

Maria had scooped him up a few months back, right when you realized your feelings, too. How convenient. You had no interest in being a homewrecker, but admiring never hurt anyone, right? You could look all you wanted, just not touch. Kind of like a fancy museum, Tommy was the artwork and you were the observer, content with staring and imaging what that piece might look like above you each night, sweaty and with loud moans coming out of his pretty- 

“You alright?” 

“Oh, yeah, m’ fine.” You say 

The loud sound of rain beating down on the twenty-something-year-old roof had you nervous, hopefully, it wouldn’t cave in tonight while you slept. The storm had come out of nowhere. One minute, you and Tommy were standing in your kitchen; he had swung by to tell you that the patrol shift was changing since Eugene had pulled a muscle in his back, the next, it was raining like a fucking monsoon was coming through Jackson. 

“Damn it.” Tommy curses as he stares out the window over your kitchen sink, “M’ gonna get drenched going out there.” 

“You could just stay here,” You blurt out, “Just till the storm blows over.” 

Tommy looks at you, obviously weighing his options: go outside, get drenched, and probably end up sick since it was a twenty-minute walk between your place and his, or sit down and just wait it out.

“Alright, fine, better than getting soaked to hell.” He grumbles 

Tommy had been in a sour mood all week, you had picked up on it after he hadn’t had his usual pizzaz during your Thursday shift with him down in the greenhouse. You motioned for him to sit down on the couch, handing him a glass of brandy. 

“Where the hell did you get this?” He sniffs the glass

“It’s a secret.” You smile, sitting across from him in the big armchair you loved, “You look like you need to relax, figured it’d help a bit.” 

Tommy sighs, sipping the amber liquid, his adams apple bobbing as he does, you squirm in your seat, fuck you hadn’t been alone with him like this since well…ever. 

“Yeah, it’s been a long couple of weeks. Maria’s been busy, council shit new buidlings and then that roof that caved in on Leona’s house.” Tommy sighs, “Haven’t seen much of each other.” 

You hum in acknowledgement, feeling sorry for how lonely he must’ve been. 

“Sorry, you don’t wanna hear my shit.” Tommy gives you a small smile 

“No!” You counter, “I like hearing you talk.” 

“Is that so?” 

True to your request, Tommy talks to you. As he sips at his drink you refill it twice, loosening him up a bit as you pour yourself some listening to him talk about how he found some fancy new scope for his gun. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You ask 

“Tired of listening to me, sweetheart?” He smiles, a faint blush on his skin from the drink 

“Nah, just got something I think you might like,” You grin, waving a DVD case that reads Alien on it, “It’s the directors cut.” 

“Well, shit, pop it in.” Tommy grins 

The movie hazily plays in the background as you sit beside Tommy on the sofa a single throw pillow separating the two of you as he rests his arm on it. You’re too focusied on the man beside you to take any note of whatever the hell Ripley was doing on screen. You’re too focused on the way Tommy’s thighs shift every few minutes the muscles straining against the tight denim of his dark blue jeans. 

Without thinking about it, you reach out running a delicate hand up his thigh, brushing the fabric of the pocket before he jumps back. 

“What the hell’er you doin’?” His loud voice bounces off the wall

“Shit, sorry!” You fumble, jumping back as if he’s burned you, tears whelling in your eyes. You hadn’t expected him to be so well repulsed by you “I didn’t mean to, fuck.” 

Tommy eyes you, the flickering screen illuminating him for a second. His eyes scan over your figure, probably thinking you were some pathetic loser, crying cuz’ he raised his voice for second. 

“Sorry, you just uh scared me.” Tommy doubles back, “Didn’t mean to make ya cry, sweetheart.” 

Tommy’s next move has you shocked, he inches closer to you, a big hand cradles your face as he wipes a few stray tears that have escaped your burning waterline. He lets out a low hum, one that spreads warmth across your stomach and down to your lower belly.

“Pretty.” He softly whispers like it’s a secret no one can know, if only he knew you thought the same about him.

You nuzzle into his touch, elated to finally feel his hands on your bare skin again. You never want to leave this moment. 

Tommy pulls back abruptly, hands falling down, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…I should leave, got shit to do at home, theres this leaky faucet and the basement door is broken.” 

He’s rambling still as you place a small hand on his chest, keeping him on the sofa beside you. You grab the remote, muting the TV and switching it off, you’ll pop the disc out later on. The alcohol has you bolder than ever as you push him back down when he goes to stand. Your legs straddle his hips, using your weight to keep him right where you want him. 

“But it’s still raining.” You whisper, leaning in so your nose brushes his 

Under you, you can feel something hard beginning to form, his cock twitching against you as you slowly begin to shift a bit, pretending like you don’t know what you’re doing. Tommy’s hands rest on your hips, his eyes fluttering shut, a soft fuck leaving his lips as you move. 

“Darlin’ this isn’t…I’m…Maria and I…” 

You push a finger to his lips, “Shhh…It’s alright.” 

You push yourself off his lap, knees hitting the soft carpet as you pull the zipper of his jeans down, the pretty sight of his green and blue boxers greeting you, “You’ve been so stressed, Tommy, let me take care of it.”  

You push the band of his underwear down, his hard cock springing up from the fabric, it’s drooling head leaking as your eyes widen. You expected him to be big, just not this big. 

You’ve only pressed a kiss to the pink tip of it before Tommy is hauling you back up into his lap, settling you on one of his thighs. 

“What’re you doing?” You ask 

“I wanna watch you.” He mumbles, skin flushed as he stares at you, fingertips tugging at your shirt 

A coy smile lines your face, you hold all the cards now, he was yours. You free yourself from your shirt, unclipping your bra as you go and then you stand only for a second to wiggle your pants off. Your hands have just hooked under your panties when he stops you. 

“Keep 'em on.” A  deeper blush paints his pretty face, “Wanna watch you with them on.” 

You smile, pressing your lips to his as you settle back on his thigh, cunt weeping when you feel it flex under you. 

“What do you want me to do, cowboy?” You softly whisper into his ear, teeth nipping the sensitive skin there., "Hmm? Gonna ask me? Y'look so damn pretty like this, mmm pretty boy."

“Fuck…” Tommy whispers voice just barely there after all your compliments, “Ride my thigh, baby, get yourself off on me.” 

You softly hum, “What do we say? Gotta ask nicely, pretty boy.” 

Tommy’s eyes scan your face, he clearly isn’t used to be treated like this for just a split second you think you’ve over stepped but then he’s opening his mouth again, falling into your hands. 

“Please.” He softly asks 

You press a kiss to his cheek and then to the tip of his nose, “Good job.” You mumble. 

You’re not sure what’s come over you tonight, you could blame it on the brandy, the alcohol is the reason you’re dominating your crush of a whole year, the same man who was in a relationship with the literal laader of your town. Perhaps it’s just the result of buried feelings, all you know is that this feels good, and it seems like you’re not the only one. 

Each roll of your hips along his thigh has Tommy’s lips falling with a groan as his cock weeps for you. A loud moan leaves your lips when the muscle beneath you flexes, Tommy’s deep voice fills your ears. 

“Fuck you’re pretty like this. Christ, always knew you’d look good ontop of me.” 

Your head spins. Tommy Fucking Miller had just admitted to having sexual fantasies of you. You hips roll more argressively against him, the cotton of your panties is soaked, proably seeping into his jeans as you get yourself off on his thigh. 

“T-Touch me, touch me please.” He mumbles, hips jumping up towards your hand when one lands on his belly 

“You sure?” You mumble a smirk on your lips, “Thought you were a taken man, what we’re doin’ right now is certainly forbidden.”

Tommy’s head falls back onto the couch when your run a finger over the slit of his cock, a fucking whimper leaving his lips. 

“Fuck, I don’t care.” He groans, eyes squeezed shut 

“Look at me.” You say, you’re not going to miss one second of this 

The thick muscle of his leg presses up to your clothed clit and you bite your lip, Tommy’s deep brown eyes meet yours and you feel a bit sorry for him. 

Your hand wraps around his cock, pumping him at the same pace your hips roll into him. He groans your name loudly as you twist your wrist. 

“Baby, fuck…” Tommy’s forehead glistens with sweat as you press a warm kiss to his neck, nipping at his skin, “M’ not gonna last.” 

“Go on.” You smile, “Cum for me, I don’t mind.” 

“Not til you get yours.” He affirms, his stomach tightening as you steady yourself by placing a hand on his shoulder 

Big hands find your soft chest, thumbs flicking at your nipples as you try to keep your cool, wanting to maintain your dominance over him. 

“You gonna cum? Gonna cum all over my fucking thigh?” Tommy grins, your hand still pumping him, “Yeah, you are, it’s like you’re in heat, girl. Knew you wanted me, always starin’ like I’m some piece of meat you wanna strap down on your bed.” 

“T-Tommy!” If he keeps this up, you’re going to lose it 

"It's alright, I'd let ya." He laughs, "Yeahhh that's it, she's crying all over my fucking jeans, gonna havta' wash em' real good tonight."

A loud moan leaves your lips, your brain is blank as he talks to you, your climax is so close.

“Go ahead, pretty girl, cum on me,” His southern drawl fills your ears, “M’ all yours now, go ahead, stake your claim.” 

Another roll of your hips and he roughly gropes your sensitive chest and you’re gone, wetness spilling into your ruined panties and his pants as Tommy groans into your ear. Warm cum spurts over your hand as he reaches his end, chest heaving as your his stutter into his thigh. 

You bury your face in his neck, not wanting him to leave you again. The storm outside has stopped; you can tell by the way the sunlight has started to stream back through the windows. 

“You alright?” Tommy whispers into the still air 

“Fine.” You say, looking at him as he stares back 

Tommy glances around, eyes scanning your nearly nude form, his ruined jeans, the discarded pile of your clothes, his softening cock and your hand covered in his spunk. 

“Fuck.” He groans 

You knew it, He regretted it, that line about him being yours wasn’t real. You’d fucked up majorly and lost a friend, god you were so fucking stupid sometimes. You go to stand, legs a weakened mess as you stumble. Before you can get far though, Tommy pulls you back down into his warm body. 

“Where the hell are you goin’?” Tommy asks, “You’re stayin’ here with me. I’ll get you water in a minute, then we can go shower.” 

Water? Shower? With him? What the hell was he thinking? Didn't he need to get home to his girlfriend and the broken basement door?

As if he’s a mind reader, Tommy presses a kiss to your lips, “ Don’t gotta worry about Maria anymore, I’m all yours now, baby.”

Liked this fic? Check out More Tommy Here

This is the product of listening to Sabrina Carpenter while writing. I think it turned out nicely :)

Requests are open, I love getting them, so if you have anything you really want me to write, don't be shy, come chat.

[lemotmo]

What do you think Temu's role is in next week's episode? Apart from the funeral, (though I have fucking idea why he's carrying the coffin and not anyone else from A shift)

(Hopefully his final one!)

Yeah, the choice of him carrying that coffin is just weird. The 118 isn't just made up of Hen, Eddie (will be back soon), Chimney, Buck and Ravi. There are plenty of other firefighters at the station. We see them all the time in the background. It would make more sense that one of them would carry that coffin. He was their captain too.

But for plot reasons I suppose they decided to use Tommy. 🙄

I do think Tommy is there for a reason. We've seen in 15 that Buck and Tommy are back on good terms, but we also know that a relationship between them would never work. One, because Tommy knows that Buck isn't as interested in him as he would like him to be, mainly because he heavily suspects that Buck is in love with Eddie.

And two? Well, he is right. Buck is in love with Eddie. He just doesn't want to see it or even acknowledge it. 🤷‍♀️

But how could they fit that in the episode?

Well, I keep coming back to all the parallels between 7x03, 7x04, 8x15 and possibly 8x16:

I've been thinking about Tommy's arc. It started with him flying his helicopter to save Bathena (7x03). The next episode (7x4) he tried to woo Eddie, but ended up kissing Buck.

Now he, once again, flew his helicopter to help save Chimney and the others in 15. He showed up because Buck called him.

We also know that Eddie will be back in 16. I've speculated before that I think there'll be a convo between Tommy and Eddie. I really think this I'll happen as a parallel to 7x04, where Tommy and Eddie were shown to be friends. We do know that Eddie stopped talking to Tommy when BT broke up, so it might be a bit of an awkward conversation where both feel out of their depth.

Additionally I potentially see Tommy give Eddie some kind of hint as to not wait to long to go after what he wants or something generic like that. Which will undoubtedly puzzle Eddie and might be something that he can't get out of his head in the two last episodes.

So, my current theory for 8x16 is that they will parallel the scene where Tommy comes over to Buck's loft in 7x04. Only this time it won't end with Tommy kissing Buck.

So Tommy shows up at Buck's house after the funeral to check in on him and finds Eddie already there, taking care of Buck because Eddie knows exactly what Buck needs. At the same time Buck will also take care of Eddie, because he lost Bobby too. Tommy will probably also find out that Eddie is staying with Buck as long as he's in LA.

Cue the awkward conversation (+ possible hint) with Eddie I talked about in the paragraphs above. Tommy might then have a short talk with Buck (probably in the kitchen again) that links back to the kitchen conversation after they hooked up.

And that might just trigger Buck to realise that life is too short. He can't just keep denying these feelings he has for Eddie. Cue Buck realising and accepting that he is actually in love with his best friend.

It might even end with a nice Buddie scene after Tommy leaves. Now, in a perfect world it would end with a Buddie kiss to parallel the BT kiss, but I don't think we are quite there yet. It seems a bit too fanficy. And also... Bobby just died. Now might not be the best time. 😫😂

So most probably Eddie will ask Buck if he is okay and Buck will just stand there trying to be normal with the realisation that he has fallen in love with Eddie.

Oh and let's not forgot the Bathena parallel in both episodes either. In 7x03 Buck and Athena had a reunion on the ship with Buck, Eddie and Tommy looking at them.

In 8x16 they'll (hopefully if Bobby is still alive) have another reunion as Bobby will be back. Probably with everyone there to see it.

(Yes, I am a Bobby is alive truther. Trust.😌)

I also don't think that Eddie's realisation will be too far behind once we have confirmation of Buck's feelings. Oliver has expressed his concerns before of not wanting to do the storyline of the bisexual man falling for his straight best friend. So I think they'll try to avoid that by making sure that Eddie will start his own journey of realisation as he starts to get more and more aware that Buck is a part of his joy and happiness in life.

All right everyone, keep in mind that this is just speculation.😋 These are my thoughts about what MIGHT happen in 8x16, based on what we know so far (which is almost nothing) and based on parallels with previous episodes. So please take all of this with a grain of salt. I'm here for the fandom fun, but I'm not clairvoyant. 😉

This might shock you, but I have been wrong before in my spec. 😂😂😂

[butterflydm]

Wheel of Time 3x08 Deep Dive (show spoilers)

Spoilers through all of s3, but only for the show.

A whole lot to think about with this one (and wow, do I hope we get that s4 renewal -- I mean, given the reviews and what we know about the viewership, it would be silly not to get it but streaming makes all of that stuff so much less predictable).

We get a whole lot of full-circle moments from the start of the season coming to fruition here, as well as a couple of things that don't get follow-through where it seemed like they would (and I wonder if they're planned for s4 or simply dropped because they served their purpose).

We begin in Tar Valon, ten years ago.

The timeline here is very interesting to me. Because Elaida connected herself to the throne of Andor roughly twenty years ago due to a Foretelling that the royal line of Andor would be key to the Last Battle (she says this to Min in 3x03).

How long did she stay with Morgase before leaving to go back to the White Tower to try to become Amyrlin?

In Elaida, I feel like we're seeing a dark mirror of Siuan & Moiraine -- acting to position themselves as the ones in control of what they believe to be the main powers that will be at play in the Last Battle -- the White Tower and, for Elaida, the royal line of Andor and, for Siuan and Moiraine, the Dragon Reborn. Elaida was working with a more flexible timeline than Siuan and Moiraine, since she didn't know until very recently that the Dragon had been reborn, and she hasn't been under the kind of intense pressure that Siuan and Moiraine were under.

Both sets of them willing to be ruthless in the name of the greater good... but Elaida is shown to be arrogant and bigoted as well (calling Siuan "river trash" and looking down on her for decorating her apartments simply).

In the end, Elaida's 'greater good' boils down to the advancement of herself and her own power. Elaida would never choose to break her own heart and deny her own desires because she believes that her goal is more important than she is -- there is no goal that Elaida holds more precious to her than herself.

And Siuan and Moiraine realize that they cannot control prophecy or the Dragon, that they have to release their grip (a painful lesson for them both, but they learn it) and they have to trust in people, including the Dragon Reborn. It's not until Moiraine begins to loosen her grip that Rand shows his cards to her.

Thom tells us later in this episode that he left Morgase's court when Elayne was five. Was Elaida still acting as Morgase's adviser at that time, or had she gone back to the White Tower? We know that Thom's nephew was gentled by the Red Ajah and then killed himself, and Thom fiercely warned Rand to keep Mat away from any Red Sisters in order to protect him (since he believed at the time that Mat could channel). He recognized Liandrin's name, and it seems likely that he would recognize Elaida's as well, given what we currently know of the history of each of the characters.

Show-only based theory -- is it possible that Thom asked Morgase to let Elaida go as an advisor, because of what happened to his nephew, and she refused, and that caused him to leave the court? It's clear that his relationship with the royal family was extremely close -- he knew that toddler-Elayne was taking apart clocks and he knew Morgase's feelings about that. He made a promise to protect Elayne and he kept an eye on the court even after he left, enough so that he could be certain that "Lord Gaebril" was a fabrication.

Then a few years after that, Elaida goes to the White Tower to try her hand at Amyrlin, maybe now feeling like her grip as Morgase's connection to the White Tower is rock-solid. Goes into the doorway and gets promised the Amyrlin Seat (I won't get into the details in this post, but Alviarin says that the people that Elaida spoke to were "Aelfinn" while the being that Mat talks to uses the word "Eelfinn", which introduces some uncertainty about how closely Elaida's experience aligned with Mat's).

And then she loses the vote and is forced to go back to Andor in defeat, and her resentment towards Siuan (and Moiraine) grows.

Ten years ago, in Tar Valon, when Siuan became Amyrlin, there was a storm. It was raining during the cold open of 3x01. And Rand creates a storm at the end of 3x08.

But before we get there, we get Elaida leaving the twisted redstone doorway, and Alviarin is waiting for her, to tell her how reckless it was that she went to speak to the "Aelfinn". The bracelet that we saw before (with the snake on it) definitely seems connected to the Aelfinn, as we see her react to having it after leaving the doorway, or react to the golden key hanging from it, and we know that Mat also gets a piece of jewelry after his trip into the doorway (a medallion shaped like a fox's head). So, the Aelfinn/Eelfinn like giving parting gifts.

"Too many of our sisters have entered that doorway and never returned." Given what the Eelfinn tells Mat later ("wise to ask leave-taking") and what we see (skulls and body parts), it seems like you have to make leaving part of the bargain you make with the Aelfinn/Eelfinn in order to survive the trip. Otherwise, you stay there forever.

Elaida believes that Alviarin plans to vote in her favor, but Alviarin doesn't actually say that she plans to.

If Alviarin was originally planning to vote in Elaida's favor, is it Elaida's trip through the doorway that changes her mind and makes her decide to cast a vote for someone that she views as less reckless?

"I had hoped you wouldn't be so foolish." This does imply that Alviarin did have some idea of Elaida's plans before she went into the doorway -- maybe she tried to talk her out of it.

"What did the Aelfinn promise you?" "The Amyrlin Seat itself." "You cannot trust them. Every gift the Finn give has a price."

We get a glimpse of the price and the trickery involved here (and can think forward to how Mat might end up dealing with similar issues), because Elaida's victory at the end of this episode is both devastating for the Light but also hollow for her. She convened in secret for the vote (the emptiness of her Hall compared to how full it is to watch Siuan being voted in!), made certain to only have those present that she knew would be on her side, condemned Siuan to stilling and then to death before letting her speak in her own defense.

How will Tsutama Rath react when she learns about what happened in the White Tower today (our Red Highest who left to hunt down Taim on Siuan's orders)?

How will Alanna react?

Neither of them favorably, I would assume.

Verin and Leane know how dangerous the situation is, how fraught, and someone like Elaida seizing control of the Tower will do nothing but make the situation worse. Especially now that she's shown how far she's willing to go in order to force her will on others.

In the Hall, as they wait for the vote, Siuan and Moiraine exchange glances, and Elaida notices. Given Elaida's deeply-rooted classism, it must really rankle her that someone of noble blood like Moiraine thinks so highly of 'river trash' like Siuan, and that may have been why she never fell for the deception between the two of them (also, since she presumably goes back to Andor after this she may have missed most of the staged drama that Moiraine & Siuan did for the rest of the Sisters).

We learn that the most recent Amyrlin (Marith Jaen) has died this last week, after only being Amyrlin for four years. We can see that Verin, Liandrin, and Leane were Sitters at this time (and we get a cameo from Karene!), so it was at some point after this that Verin went into retirement.

I also noticed that one of the Brown Sitters is wearing a very red shade of brown. That's interesting. Not sure it means anything, but it's interesting.

I did not pick up on it at the time, but Rebecca Root, who plays the Keeper in this scene, is a trans woman. I wasn't familiar with her as an actress, but it's really nice to see her in this scene and I do take it as an implicit understanding of how the show is approaching the issue of how the One Power is split up -- the half of the Power that you channel is based on your soul, not the body you were born with, and they usually match but not always. Which is... technically also true in the books but it's not handled in the best way and is difficult to explain. That does still leave us with the question of people who don't fit into the gender binary, but the show may give us their answer on that at some point as well.

When the vote is called, the three Blue Sitters (including Leane) stand up in a group to cast their votes. I do really love getting to see the formal shawls in this scene, with the tassels.

Next we see Verin stand up and cast her vote for Siuan, with neither of her fellow Brown Sitters joining her. I am so curious about that Brown who is wearing a more reddish shade.

And then no one else stands up, and eventually our Keeper calls for people to stand for Elaida, who looks very pleased with herself... until Alviarin stands up and casts her vote for Siuan and not Elaida.

Both Moiraine and Siuan look concerned when it looks like the votes might not go Siuan's way -- I'm wondering if this also happened four years ago, and Siuan lost to the now-deceased Amyrlin Marith.

Liandrin looks so annoyed after Alviarin casts her vote for Siuan, it kinda makes me giggle, despite everything.

After Alviarin, we get some more Sitters standing and casting their votes for Siuan -- both of the White Sitters, though one is more reluctant than the other (perhaps confirming that Alviarin is the head of the White Ajah?); Kerene (back again for a nice flashback cameo) and a second Green Ajah Sitter; the Brown Sitter who is wearing a red-shaded brown; and one of the Yellow Sitters.

Exactly eleven, no more and no less. Enough to carry the vote.

We don't really get a close look at any of the Gray Ajah Sitters but I like that their gray is more of a silvery not-quite-blue. It makes it stand out more and lets the White Ajah wear more cream-colored shawls which helps distinguish them from what the novices wear (too many groups of people wear white in the books!).

Siuan only had ten years to try to get the Tower ready for the Dragon. She failed but... how much of a chance did she have when she didn't dare be honest about what she was doing? Could anyone have succeeded at this task? Especially with what we learned this season, when it was revealed that four Sitters were Black Ajah and ready to turn on and murder their fellow Sisters, with more BA littered throughout the Tower.

After the title card, we cut to the current Siuan, and she's looking at a drawing of Moiraine (you can see it through the paper). Wearing golden-cream, the colors of the Amyrlin Seat (this really stands out when we get to Elaida at the end, and how much red she is still wearing underneath her gold). She looks up at the portrait on the wall, her half of the ter'angreal that she used to connect with Moiraine when they were both in the Tower, and quickly puts away the drawing when she hears a knock on the door.

It's Leane, with another warning. Leane has been concerned all season (probably ever since Siuan told her the truth about conspiring with Moiraine and their approach to the Dragon Reborn). She's loyal but she doesn't understand why Siuan is making the choices that she's making -- and, she tries to get Siuan to see the problem that if she doesn't understand, how can Siuan hope that the rest of the Hall and the Tower will understand?

Leane is advocating for transparency and honesty, because she believes that the secrets are creating a more dangerous situation. It's dangerous for Siuan to declare support for Dragon Reborn if she doesn't have a solid reason why the Tower should go against their own laws and support him as opposed to try to control him. If she doesn't get buy-in from the Sitters before she acts.

But the problem is that Siuan still doesn't know who she can trust. We know that she doubts even the two people here that she trusts the most -- Leane and Verin. The only people that she trusts beyond a doubt not to be Darkfriends (Nynaeve, Elayne, Moiraine, Lan) are far away from her. Twenty years of secrecy is a hard habit to break, as we've also seen from Moiraine. She is so scared that loosening her grip will lose them everything, just like Moiraine was. The fate of the entire world is on their shoulders and making the wrong choice -- trusting the wrong person -- could doom them all.

Elayne also talks about this in 3x01, when she's giving Rand the advice that leads to him making the decision to go to the Aiel Waste -- she mentions the importance of "knowing who to trust" as something that makes leadership difficult.

And the further trouble is that the only reason Siuan can offer the Sitters is "In my dreams, Moiraine Sedai told me that if the Tower doesn't bend the knee to the Dragon Reborn, he will lose the Last Battle. She learned this in the city of Rhuidean, in the Aiel Waste" and that brings up a whole host of questions that Siuan is not prepared to answer. Questions that she is probably certain would lead to her being deposed.

When you don't know how to explain something, it can be difficult to justify your actions (we also saw this with Rand and Egwene this season -- Rand doesn't know how to explain the Selene | Lanfear situation to Egwene, so he... doesn't, and it blows up in his face).

In the end, Siuan does figure out how to explain it. At least the most important parts. But she hasn't gotten there yet.

Instead of explaining herself to the Hall or putting it to a vote, Siuan writes letters of support for the Dragon Reborn and sends them to the various heads of state that the Amyrlin Seat has access to and authority to communicate with.

This act also gives Elaida (and Galina) the wedge that is needed to tell Alviarin that they are ready to vote on the matter, today -- and we learn later that this is the vote to depose Siuan.

At Cold Rocks Hold, Rand is trying to meet his toh to Alsera, still wracked with grief (and guilt). Egwene comes to fetch him for his break-up conversation with Lanfear and, you know, it is absolutely fascinating to me that Rand and Lanfear don't interact in person a single time this entire season. It happens entirely in Tel'aran'rhiod. Because of Moghedien's threats or because that was an environment that was under Lanfear's control (until Rand learns that he can control his own dreams)?

Rand is wearing a new coat, I think. Still mostly dusty Aiel colors but there's a reddish patch on the back and blue along the collar.

This scene shows us Rand's continuing grief over Alsera, as well as the fact that he and Egwene are still not communicating about anything (and, from what we see throughout the rest of this episode, I feel like they are destined to continue to fail to communicate for the foreseeable future).

We see that Egwene is still uncomfortable around Rand (due to the break-up itself or due to what happened afterwards with Alsera?) while Rand is lost in his grief.

In the scene with Moiraine and Sammael, Moiraine talks again about how Rand needs a teacher -- Rand is the first person who brought up this idea, back in 1x08, when he asked her if she could teach him and she said that she couldn't. She tried with Logain and now she's trying with Sammael -- both failures.

Are we going to follow the rule of three and have Moiraine try again to find Rand a teacher in s4, but this time it works?

We learn a bit of Sammael's backstory here -- grudge against Lews Therin, invented war*, etc. -- but he'll be dead soon, so I won't get into it, lol. We do also learn that now that she knows it's possible, Moiraine has figured out how to tie off weaves, so she can now presumably teach that to Egwene and Bair, if she chooses. I'm assuming that Moiraine used her sa'angreal to give herself enough of the One Power to shield Sammael and given that we see she can only barely hold her own against Lanfear later on, that does confirm that Sammael is weaker than Lanfear.

(*"In my time, there were no armies. Hadn't been for centuries. I discovered the art of war again." which also helps put the Aiel and the original Way of the Leaf into context -- they were formed in a time of no wars when living a life with no violence against others had less outside pressure against it; if the world hadn't placed Lewin or Aram into a situation where they needed to defend themselves/protect others, they would have continued living the Way of the Leaf)

One thing that does stand out is Sammael saying that he left his scar unhealed on purpose, because he wanted to have Lews Therin see it when he killed LTT. So we have a contrast between this scar of Sammael's that he refuses to have healed vs the wound in Rand's side that wasn't able to be healed, which has been touched on in two episodes (Rand wincing when Egwene is helping him rebandage it in 3x01, and it also appears to break open and bleed after his journey through the columns in 3x04).

"By the time songs are written about the Last Battle, no one will remember who you are." Unintentional prophecy by Moiraine, since she's not the one who kills Sammael, but true enough.

Shifting over to Liandrin's plotline, she bursts into the house she's sharing with the others (the old Lounalt estate) and we find Chesmal playing with a cat and Jeaine playing with what we learn is a balefire ter'angreal. The Sisters know that Liandrin killed Nyomi and suspect that she killed Ispan too. Liandrin ends up being the only survivor of the Black Ajah cabal that escaped from the White Tower (and I was shocked that she made it out alive tbh), and this episode helps out the kill count so that Team Light has now killed more of the Black Ajah than Team Shadow has, so that's good.

Team Light killed: the White Sitter (Leane); two unnamed BA sisters on the streets of Tar Valon (Ihvon & Maksim); Jeaine (Elayne); and I'll say Chesmal is probably dead or as good as dead (Min)

Team Shadow killed: Joiya (Gray Man); Nyomi (Liandrin); Ispan (Moghedien)

And Elaida killed Amico. I'm not willing to put her on 'Team Light'. Team Out For Herself, let's say.

The Black Ajah cabal took only a few weeks to completely disintegrate and it works as a microcosm of the Darkfriends as a whole and of the Forsaken -- if everyone is out for themselves, double-crossing is going to come naturally. Ishamael kept them all in line when he was in charge but now it's a bloodbath as everyone wants to be first, no matter who they need to step on (and we saw in s2 how Suroth and Liandrin's hatred/disdain for each other was only leashed because they were both following Ishamael's orders).

It's also an indictment on Liandrin's leadership skills, I'd say. If she had become Amyrlin, the way she dreamed of being, she would have ruined the White Tower in short order. She's a terrible leader.

(Though I don't imagine Elaida will do much better -- she's not a Darkfriend, judging by her actions in 3x06, but she's every bit as selfish, egotistical, and violent as the worst of the Darkfriends/Forsaken)

Liandrin has also taken to wearing the bracelet around, probably because she doesn't trust any of the others not to take it from her.

We get interrupted by Moghedien, delivering the second of the bracelets to Liandrin -- has Liandrin already figured out that her 'servant' is one of the Chosen or does that realization come later?

Moghedien is essentially getting Liandrin to do the work of finding the collar, rather than Moghedien doing it herself. She knows that two powerful, if untrained, channelers are looking for the collar, and doesn't want to put herself at risk, is my guess.

I do really like that we see Jeaine messing around with the balefire rod here, trying to figure it out, but she can't handle it when she actually tries to use it later, while Elayne shows herself able to figure it out extremely quickly -- we've been told that Elayne is inventive but we get to see it in action in this episode.

Nynaeve and Mat are keeping an eye on the Lounalt estate and see when Liandrin & co leave (I assume that the others are nearby, maybe watching other streets, because it doesn't seem to take long to fetch them).

Mat is wearing a gold ring that I hadn't noticed before. Where did he get that? I don't think it's important, since it isn't noted by the camera work or anything, but it looks nice. Nynaeve can handle the chopsticks but Mat is in despair and looking for a fork (I wonder if this is a reflection of the actor's IRL skills).

This is the only moment we get between Mat and Nynaeve in this episode, which does bring me to what felt like a bit of a dropped plot point, because Nynaeve ends up not at all involved in Mat's distress later in the episode, despite her promise to help Mat being the entire reason he stayed behind at the White Tower and then went to Tanchico with the group. Since I'm considerably more invested in Mat & Nynaeve's relationship than in Mat & Min's relationship, this was a bit of a disappointment for me. It kinda feels like Nynaeve has forgotten her promise to Mat because of how much she's focusing on Liandrin (she was going to straight-up leave him behind at the White Tower in 3x03 until he insisted on coming along). Maybe we'll see more with Nynaeve trying to help Mat in s4, or maybe the promise was just there to provide the initial reason to get Mat into the plotlines that the show wanted him to have this season and it won't come into play again at all in the future.

Or, and I just thought about this because I was rewatching the s2 Egwene & Elayne scenes looking for one of Elayne's lines -- there's a quote that Egwene says in 2x02 about Nynaeve - "She says that she came here for me. To protect me. But where is she when I actually need her?" So maybe this is an intentional thoroughline of Nynaeve not being able to help out "the kids" and them needing to figure out other ways of getting help/helping themselves. Interestingly, the reason that Nynaeve isn't "there for Egwene" in this scene is also because of spending time trying to figure out Liandrin's deal in that case as well. And then Nynaeve is unable to be there for Egwene at the end of the season too, when Egwene ends up needing to free herself from captivity. She isn't able to help Mat in s1 either, with Moiraine needing to be the one to come and heal him.

I never would have thought about that if I hadn't been scanning the scenes trying to find one of Elayne's lines for another part of this deep dive. I wonder how many other connections are lurking under the surface if I do a full series rewatch.

Time for Randfear to break up! Loved this scene so much (I adored Rand in all of his scenes this episode; Josha did such a good job).

So Rand actually is the one who set the scene here -- they're in the place where the Sharom (that big research station in the sky) crashed, back in the day, which is interesting, as Lanfear also says. It looks pretty nice, considering. So we've had two times when Lanfear picked the location -- when they met in the Cairhien inn room where they used to have sex; and two times when Rand picked the location -- when Lanfear barged in on his dream about the Two Rivers and now here, where Rand is fully aware and has made an active choice about where he wants to stage his break-up with Lanfear.

Lanfear kept them closed up in a small room, while Rand's settings involve the wide world. Very fitting for how Lanfear has sought to isolate Rand all this time.

Before we get into the scene itself, I want to take a look over their relationship as a whole, now that we've reached the end of it as a romance.

Let's rewind back to s2.

Lanfear is released from her seal and I'm guessing that Ishamael gives her the basic run-down on the situation with the new Dragon. Lanfear plops herself into the nearest big city to where Rand was last seen, probably using some Compulsion to make people believe she's been there for a while.

Once she has Rand in her sights, she gets to work -- sex first, and then use that to tip him into a relationship. Rand is isolated and in emotional turmoil, which is perfect for her purposes. We know that their relationship began as transactional, with 'Selene' asking for sex in exchange for giving Rand a room at her inn. And their relationship is at this basic level when we meet them in 3x02, though Rand's feelings are beginning to be more complex, because he is a heart-first sort of person.

Lanfear is also consistently pushing at Rand's boundaries in most of the scenes that they share together. Rand will say 'no' and she will continue to press him until he gives in. The one time in s2 that this doesn't work (at the party where he leaves her behind to go deliver that bottle of wine to Logain), we get our first true glimpse of who Lanfear actually is, when she threatens him in his dreams ("If you ever leave me again like that, I will kill you.") and then pushes and prods him into uncontrolled channeling in his sleep, which results in the fire at the inn, which is going to make Rand feel guilty over destroying her livelihood.

Then she sets up a situation where Rand will reveal his channeling to her, and she thinks that she's about to get everything that she ever wanted, and then Moiraine shows up and ruins her big night, which Lanfear carries a huge grudge about for the rest of s2 and into s3.

Now, imo, if Lanfear actually had revealed herself this early, she would have lost Rand (because he was beginning to be genuinely scared in that scene), but she believes that it's all Moiraine's fault.

She does want Rand to claim his power and titles, so she helps arrange for him to get to Falme. Plan B is in full swing... until she overplays her hand with Ishamael and tips things off to him. She can't resist gloating (a flaw that will return in s3) and Ishamael realizes that she's about to betray him, so scuppers her plans by releasing all the rest of the Forsaken so that she can't have it all her own way.

Meanwhile, Rand has been told by Moiraine that he needs to play into Lanfear's feelings for him, because of how incredibly dangerous she can be. He has also been carefully kept away from the majority of Lanfear's worst behavior and actions (mostly by Lanfear herself).

Rand is being starved of information. This was a common theme in the books but in the show, it is being tied specifically to this beat about Lanfear and her cruelty.

Once we open in s3, Lanfear can't see Rand in person because she doesn't want to draw the other Forsaken to him, so she visits him in dreams, pushing him towards Tear and Callandor, pushing him to take more power. She's also returned to the Selene persona, realizing that "openness and vulnerability" are much more appealing to Rand than "dominatrix sex goddess".

Rand is clearly still physically attracted to her, but resists her.

Also of note in their scenes this season is how little Rand actually shares his plans with her. She tells him things (some of them lies) but he tells her very little back.

From 3x02: She already knows that he's in the Waste (maybe through Moiraine?) and wants to know why he went to there instead of going to Tear. He does not tell her that it's to gain the allegiance of the Aiel, instead playing off of her own suggestion and saying that it gets him away from the other Forsaken.

Lanfear takes his hands and puts them on her waist. Lanfear touches his mouth. And that whole time, she's laying down poison about how if Egwene ever sees the truth about Rand, she will reject him. And once there's a hint of Rand softening towards her, she teasingly leaves.

From 3x03: She tells him about the Sakarnen and how she wants it in order to destroy the Dark One and escape her Dark Oaths. Rand asks her a lot of questions in this scene, prodding her to give him answers -- why do you want me to get Callandor so much? What would you do if you broke free of your Dark Oaths?

Note, that Rand approaches Lanfear here but she's once again the person who initiates physical touch -- she covers his hand while he keeps it closed into a fist on the bed.

Lanfear really really plays up the "I'm a helpless damsel who needs your protection" angle in this scene, probably thinking back to how effective it was in 2x04, before Rand knew the truth about her. Rand wants to be able to feel like he can protect people as opposed to hurting them, so she's trying to give that to him here. She also tries to get Rand to blame himself for them being here together in his dreams, though luckily Rand doesn't seem to buy it.

I don't think he buys her distressed damsel act either, not fully, but then 3x04 happens and he sees Mierin and it gives him hope that there's something real underneath Lanfear's lies.

He has hope that maybe 'Mierin' is still in there, that maybe Selene was Lanfear showing the Mierin side of herself.

From 3x05: Two significant things here: Rand does not tell her about seeing the Sakarnen in his Rhuidean visions, which he knows that she is looking for; and he does not say "I love you" back to her when she says it to him.

He does think that maybe there's a hope that there's something in Lanfear that can be saved -- that wants to be saved -- but he doesn't give away any key information to her, and he doesn't entrust her with his heart. He's still holding some big pieces back. Lanfear also is the one to initiate the physical contact (touching Rand's face and tipping him towards her for a kiss), though Rand is the one who initiates the kiss itself.

But even here, Lanfear is careful to seed in how Rand is dangerous and bad, just like her.

In these scenes, Rand also keeps poking at her ambition for more, as if confirming that's still her motive -- he does it in 3x02 ("Not big enough for you, not by a mile."), in 3x03 ("What would you do if the Oaths you swore were gone?"), and in 3x05 ("And more.").

And Lanfear's flaw from 2x08 comes back to bite her again -- she can't resist gloating, and she tips her hand to Egwene at the end of 3x05, thus leading to Egwene confronting Rand and revealing the extent of Lanfear's cruelty. His hope that Lanfear actually was telling the truth in 3x03 about wanting to break her Dark Oaths is snuffed out.

Now, in the wake of learning the truth, Rand waits in his dream, knowing that Lanfear will come for him, because she always does.

Hilariously, she does come in what reads as a modern white wedding dress. Amazing. No notes.

She reveals that Sammael was sent to Cold Rocks Hold as a 'surprise' for Rand, and she's thinking along the same lines as Moiraine, that he can act as a teacher for Rand.

We have... we have two sets of parallels set against Lanfear this season -- we have the Moiraine & Lanfear parallels; and we have the Egwene & Lanfear parallels. Interestingly, they don't overlap much -- Lanfear is covering two separate aspects of Rand here -- Rand as the Dragon and Rand as a romantic interest. This is kind of an echo to what Lanfear said back in s2, about how Rand needs to share all of himself with someone, rather than only parts of himself -- Lanfear claims to want all of Rand... but when Lanfear talks, she does a lot of projection. Most of what she claims is true of Rand is usually only true of herself, but she wants it to be true about Rand.

And we see Rand putting on a mask with Lanfear here -- he's closed in on himself, one hand clasping his other wrist. He gives her the smallest of (fake) smiles in order to get her to keep talking. And once he starts talking and settles into himself here, he begins slowly circling her.

Rand's facial expressions are so good. The little eyebrow twitch he does after he says, "It's also the last moment you were truly human." He's let go of his illusions/hopes about her. And what she did with Sammael would only help confirm that -- Sammael's attack is why Alsera is dead. Lanfear didn't even ask if anyone got hurt during the delivery of her 'surprise'.

And Lanfear is genuinely unbalanced by how Rand is behaving, not doing the false damsel act that she's used before.

I love how Lanfear goes, "So she told you." [beat] "I knew she would." You did not, you liar, lol. She is desperately trying to justify her actions here, trying to claim that her torture of Egwene was to make her stronger, because Rand learning this about Lanfear's actions is her worst nightmare. This is Lews Therin all over again, and I imagine that (whatever it was that made LTT realize that she had a rotten heart) she made frantic excuses to him back in the day too, hoping she could find the right words to make him still love her. Lanfear wanted to gloat over 'winning' Rand from Egwene and she ruined her own plans. Just like when she felt the need to gloat in front of Ishamael in 2x08, leading to Ishamael releasing the rest of the Chosen.

"Or do you want all that power for yourself?" And we see the same smile on Rand's face here that we saw at the beginning of this scene -- I will make a note to watch out for that no-teeth smile in the future. It's sexy but it seems to be a bad sign for whoever is on the receiving end. (contrast it to the full smiles that we saw Rand giving to a couple of people in 3x01 -- I think we see it with Mat & Perrin, and with Elayne)

"Why can't it be both?" Lanfear asks, which is essentially her stepping directly into the trap that Rand laid for her -- she just admitted that she wants that power for herself. This is also the first time we see Rand the one initiating the physical contact -- he puts his hands on her waist, in a reversal of the scene from 3x02.

Lanfear now tries to argue for the nuance in doing evil things, which is the point that she's been attempting to lead him to all this time.

And she makes a wild argument here: "Do you know what you did in your last life? You made the whole world bow. And the only one who wouldn't was me. That's why you left me. Because I wouldn't bow to you." I love how you can start to see the same look here that she had back in s2 during the "If you leave me like that again, I'll kill you" scene. She can tell that she's about to lose him (she's already lost him).

But though Lanfear accuses him of being a child here (in a few moments), Rand has learned a lot and he's grown, and he sees through her and doesn't fall for her attempts to blame the ending of their relationship on Lews Therin being arrogant.

He calls out what she said as a lie -- the reason that Lews Therin left her... the reason that Rand is leaving her, is because she's "jealous and petty and just cruel". She is not a good person. He has now seen all of her, and it's because he knows who she is that he doesn't love her.

With Egwene, Rand wasn't able to connect with her emotionally/romantically anymore and he also believes that she doesn't truly want him and a life with him. But he respects her and he cares for her, even if he was ready for a break-up the second she opened the door for one.

With Lanfear, once he sees her for who she truly is... he doesn't respect her choices. She has chosen to take her jealousy out on others. She has chosen cruelty when she could have chosen compassion. As we see with Melindhra later on in the episode, if the choice is between doing evil and dying... that is still a choice.

And Lanfear is not only cruel, she is cruel both in an indifferent way and in an actively and gleefully malicious way.

So, Rand can mark down two failed relationships.

One died because of the lack of communication in the relationship -- though it's entirely possible that communication also might have ended the relationship sooner, if more amicably.

The other died because it was based on a foundation of lies and manipulation, and as soon as Rand learned about the truth under the lies, it killed his feelings for Lanfear.

Much like Logain and Sammael as failed teachers, I will now ask... rule of three? Is Rand going to have a third relationship that does work out? If so, we have the rough shape of what it would need, from the reasons that his past two relationships failed -- he needs a relationship with good communication and a foundation of honesty.

Kinda like we saw with Perrin and Faile this season. They were a great example of a couple that followed Lanfear's (hilariously good) advice from 2x04 about letting someone see all of you and giving them a chance to love you (it works better when you aren't an awful person).

From what Rand himself has said, he also needs to believe that he's genuinely wanted for himself (not 'wanted' in a sexual way, but in an emotional/romantic way).

So I was hoping for an "Egwene teaches Rand how to protect his dreams from Lanfear" scene and this maybe counts, lol. If Rand has been told the secret about how he's the ultimate master of what happens in his own dreams, then we can potentially take it as read that he's able to shield his dreams in the future. We will (hopefully) find out in s4.

Rand calls Lanfear out for being a monster and pushes her away from him -- and the physicality of this scene is so delicious, with Rand's small secretive smiles and the way he moves in the scene and the way he touches Lanfear (after her doing all the touching in the earlier dream scenes). Even if you didn't have the dialogue, the dynamics are obvious just from the actions and the facial expressions. It's fantastic. What a great scene.

And Lanfear twitching as she begins to channel in her rage.

"You stupid, arrogant child," Lanfear says and this is also finally finally the truth about what Lanfear thinks about Rand (and potentially about LTT) when she isn't trying to seduce him. He frustrates her! We've seen moments of him frustrating her in other scenes, she's just always quick to paper over it. She never actually loved him. She loved an idea of him -- an idea of Lews Therin. She loved the idea of a younger Lews Therin that she could shape and mold into the man that she actually wanted -- all that power under her control (echoes of White Tower law when it comes to the Dragon Reborn! It's all about ownership). And, of course, this put paid to another lie that she made him believe about their relationship -- that she saw him and loved him as a man, not as a boy (which was the distinction that Rand himself made between 'Selene' and Egwene).

Sadly the trap for Lanfear doesn't pan out, even though everyone prepared for it really hard, because Lanfear's absolute pettiness has overruled her immediate rage -- she doesn't just want to kill Rand, she wants him to lose the thing that he's spent all this time working to get. She wants to see him fail before she kills him. She wants to kill Moiraine first. And probably Egwene too.

I notice that Aviendha is still going for her fire spears. Well, it's only the day after Rand and Egwene's break-up and everything that went down, so I suppose that's pretty reasonable. Aviendha has not been a Wise One apprentice for very long. Like... two and a half weeks, I think? Something like that.

We also see that Moiraine has gotten a lot more control over her sa'angreal and isn't struggling with it as much. Maybe Rand's advice helped!

Melindhra's little subplot isn't long, but I ended up enjoying it. Here, Lanfear calls in Melindhra's 'debt' and tells her to kill Lan. This is likely meant to cause Moiraine pain and throw her off-balance so that it's easier for Lanfear to kill her.

"If a Forsaken has that collar and uses it to control Rand..."

So... the uncomfortable question about what happened in Tanchico -- if Team Tanchico had not gone to Tanchico, would Liandrin and Moghedien have been able to find the second bracelet and the collar at all?

It's Mat being charming at the right man that lands them the second bracelet; Liandrin & co had no idea where to look for it. And Liandrin's drawing only shows what the collar looks like in the worn/activated state, not in its resting state, and she leaves it behind not recognizing it for what it is when she finds it in the Panarch's Palace.

And, of course, the reason that the Black Ajah have the first bracelet is because Verin and Adelas let Nyomi into the 13th Depository. Every single piece of the male a'dam came into Liandrin's hands because of the actions of someone on Team Light, though not on purpose.

That's not saying that Team Light failed completely in Tanchico -- they did take out two of the Black Ajah. Mat... accidentally accomplished something, though we don't know the details yet. Nynaeve broke her block. Min redeemed herself in her own eyes for her betrayal of Mat in s2. Elayne has a nifty new weapon and learned that Gaebril is one of the Forsaken.

But... they are the reason that the complete male a'dam is in Liandrin & Moghedien's possession.

Two ta'veren among them when this all happened. Is there a greater purpose in Liandrin and Moghedien having the collar that will play out to the Light's advantage?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now, we're outside the Panarch's Palace, everyone is terrified to be facing the Black Ajah but they are determined to be brave and try to find the collar in order to protect Rand. Mat reminds Thom that he didn't want to get involved but Thom says "I have this thing about watching kids die. Try to stop it if I can."

It was when the situation in Bree turned potentially deadly that Thom stepped in as a ride-or-die to help Mat and Rand as well. The more dangerous the situation is, the more likely Thom is to throw himself into it to protect these "kids" (aka people around his nephew's age? or people around Elayne's age, now that we know more about his backstory?).

"Whoever finds it, get out. Don't wait for the rest of us."

Nynaeve giving advice that she will not take herself. The first time watching it, it kinda felt like Nynaeve was specifically waiting around for Liandrin, which felt like a weird choice for her to make! But on rewatch, it's more likely that she felt like she couldn't leave without "the kids" (as Thom would say) and unfortunately Liandrin found her first.

They come into the palace and see the dead bodies of the guards, and they split up into three groups -- Nynaeve by herself, Min and Mat together, and Elayne and Thom together.

While the Tanchico players are all searching for the collar, Moghedien decides to start an art project!

Or, you know, tries to see how much she has to break Sammael's body before he finally dies and is unable to heal himself. This does let us know a couple of things -- Moghedien is aware at least vaguely about what's going on in Rand's plotline (but doesn't want to get involved until she can do it with minimal/no risk to herself) and her first priority is to knock off the other Chosen.

Rand approaches Alcair Dal with the Taardad Aiel following him, and we begin to get a chance to see the scope of the Aiel people here (though we're explicitly told that not all the clans have arrived yet, so this is still not all of them). Rhuarc warns Rand that going to Alcair Dal before the rest of the chiefs have arrived goes against tradition but says that he will stand for Rand regardless. And Rand does say flat-out that if the Aiel refuse to accept him at first, he will reveal the truth of Rhuidean to confirm to the clan chiefs and Wise Ones that he truly did go to the sacred city.

I really do wonder exactly how much Rand (or Egwene?) told everyone about Lanfear during the set-up of the trap. Enough that everyone who was in that room knows that Rand and Lanfear slept together, it seems, from what Aviendha says to Egwene here, but I'm kinda guessing he went as bare-bones as possible on the information.

One thing that I would really hope for in s4 is for Rand to actually debrief with someone about what happened with Lanfear (kinda like how Perrin was able to unpack what happened with Laila to Faile) because right now, Moiraine is really the only person who knows about Lanfear's long-term manipulation and deception of Rand and I don't know if I feel like she's a healthy and safe person to talk to about this sort of thing. I get why Rand didn't feel like he could tell Egwene, tbh -- because it would have required him to confess that while Egwene was mourning his death, he was sleeping with and developing feelings for someone else. But he was able to almost tell Mat and Perrin about it in 3x01 (but he was still trapped in the middle of the relationship at that point, and couldn't bring himself to tell them about the deception part of it), so I'm hoping now that the relationship is very much over, he can talk to someone about how it began.

I'm hoping that someone can ask him, "What happened with Lanfear, Rand?" in a more objective way (though I certainly understand why Egwene couldn't be that person!), and he can tell someone, "I didn't know she was one of the Forsaken. She was pretending to be someone else. She was lying to me for months. And after I learned the truth, Moiraine and I agreed that it would be safer for me to go along with her, for my own protection, because I didn't know how to protect myself from her intrusions into my dreams. I came to care for her, or the person that I wanted to believe that she could be, but I knew I couldn't trust her."

Or something to that effect, anyway.

This conversation with Aviendha is another example of people telling Egwene what her feelings about something should be, which feels like it happened a lot this season. I feel like we got a lot more of other people talking about how Egwene should feel about something than we got of Egwene telling us how she does feel about something. So I'm once again asking for more insight into Egwene's actual thoughts and feelings in s4. It does feel like the key is that she got separated from Nynaeve and Elayne so early on in the season and didn't have anyone to talk to who she fully trusted (just like Rand became more vulnerable to Lanfear's manipulations after he was separated from Perrin and Mat).

You know, it occurs to me that it was implied in behind-the-scenes stuff that we would get an explanation for Moiraine's fancy dress & armor in her fight with Lanfear but we didn't. It must have ended up on the cutting room floor, due to time constraints.

So... I'm assuming that the woman with Sevanna and Couladin here is a Shaido Wise One (and the xray confirms this, though she has no name), and she cautions them that there is "no honor in shedding blood in Alcair Dal." Lanfear arrives and the Wise One is asked to leave before Lanfear puts fake clan chief tats on Couladn's arms.

I'm going to try to see if I can spot this Wise One later in the episode and see if she leaves with Sevenna & Couladin, despite the fact that she would be able to guess that Couladin is lying about having gone to Rhuidean.

Sevenna and Couladin are both willing to pretend that he's the Car'a'carn in order to keep a wetlander from claiming the title.

Of course, the fact that someone was able to put fake dragons onto Couladin's arms opens the doorway of doubt into whether or not Rand's dragons are also fakes, at least to the Aiel, which is why Rand is going to need to tell them the truth.

Elaida primping herself up for her big moment of ascension to the Amyrlin Seat, done in a mostly empty Hall, in secrecy, and as quickly as possible. Elaida is ~technically~ legal here but essentially bending the law as far as she possibly can. What Siuan was doing in concern and desperation (barring the Red Ajah Sitters from the Hall because she was worried they were Black Ajah), Elaida does because it's the only way she can get what she's wanted all these years.

"Eight Red Sisters have just left the Tower, with no word as to why."

And that's how Elaida gets away with it. Because the implication is clear. Siuan is worrying desperately over the fate of the world and Rand is the person that she has to worry about the most. Her own experience of Rand showed her that he was young and brash and inexperienced. That a single Aes Sedai could shield him successfully. The idea of eight Red Sisters hunting him down is a terrifying prospect, and the thought of what might happen to Moiraine if she gets in the way.

So Verin leaves the Tower, with "a group of our most trusted Sisters" and are out of the way when Elaida's coup takes place.

Heartbreaking.

I do think that Siuan was given a losing hand. We've seen how corrupt the Tower is -- how many of the Sitters were Black Ajah, how many other Black Ajah are around. And their very laws feel written in a way that is harmful to the Last Battle (re: caging the Dragon), which makes me wonder if Ishamael got his hands on their bylaws early on in the formation of the White Tower.

How could Siuan have had a chance of righting that boat in only ten years?

We get a nice moment between Elayne and Thom here -- it was implied in 3x06 that Thom had known Elayne from before ("part of Morgase's court") but we get more of the details here, and a timeline. There's also a reminder that Elayne likes to tinker with things... Thom tells a story about toddler!Elayne taking apart all the clocks in the palace.

"The queen was too proud to punish you. She always was."

This actually goes back to something I noted back in 3x02, which is that the show did a really good job of transferring over "beloved and cosseted heir" vibes from how a crown prince might be treated in a patriarchial monarchy to how Morgase treats Elayne.

Something I find interesting about Elayne's outfit here is that I don't see a rose in her hair. During most of the season, Elayne has put her hair up with some part of it echoing the shape of a rose, to remind us of the rose crown. But here, her hair is fully down and she's wearing a black headband (that I think can double as a veil).

Talking about how old she was when Thom left leads to the revelation that Lord Gaebril is not who Elayne remembers him to be -- that he straight-up didn't used to exist. This was definitely the big thing that I was wondering if Thom would be used to bring back into Elayne's plotline -- finding out that her mother is under the thumb of one of the Forsaken. Very important and scary information for Elayne to receive!

Jeaine shows up and now we're going to build up to the Tanchico finale, as all three of the subgroups are brought into acute danger -- Mat through the doorway, Elayne and Thom because of the balefire rod, and Nynaeve in finding the collar and then confronting Liandrin. Easier to cover each group as a whole as opposed to cutting between them, so Mat gets to go first, and he gets sucked into a redstone twisted doorway very similiar to the one in the White Tower that Elaida exited from at the start of the episode!

The room of the Eelfinn (as he calls himself) is full of skulls and skeletons. So, you know. That's promising. Mat's doorway also disappears as soon as he looks away from it. Also very promising, I am sure!

Mat gets greeted by a roar from the Eelfinn, who is standing on a platform (we see similar small platforms around the room). The Eelfinn is furry, has red eyes, and is wearing human leather for clothes (the spine of his jacket is made of ears). All very promising signs that Mat will have a chill and no stress time in here!

There do not appear to be any exits to the room. There are narrow windows that let in shafts of light but all much too small for Mat.

"A very long time," the Eelfinn said and that, plus the fact that the names are slightly different (Aelfinn vs Eelfinn) is another clue that this may not be the same person that Elaida spoke to in her doorway. Though it depends on scale. Ten years can be a very long time, depending on how long Eelfinn live.

"By the ancient treaty, here is agreement made." (said in the Old Tongue, so Mat was probably able to understand just fine)

"What is your need?" This is the focus of what the Eelfinn presses onto Mat over the course of their scene together. Due to some ancient treaty, there's an agreement that the Eelfinn grant needs to a person who enters (three of them, from what the Eelfinn says) but there are some specific rules and guidelines about how these bargains work, none of which Mat knows.

Next we learn some of those rules - "Do you carry iron, instruments of music or devices for making light?" These do not appear to be allowed by the ancient treaty. Mat has nothing but the clothes on his back right now, as far as we're aware, so he's good to go.

The Eelfinn also knows Mat's name without being told. A totally normal thing that shouldn't stress anyone out at all!

When the Eelfinn laughs, it distorts the room (Mat winces in pain), and a similar thing happens each time he grants a need.

Mat's first need: "to stop getting bollocked about by every bloody magical force on this bloody planet. I'm sick of this One Power-"

Then, interesting, the Eelfinn makes an offer of a need -- "There are memories racing through your mind. They are not yours. We can take them."

When Mat responds - "You can fix me", this is also granted as "done" by the Eelfinn. So, yeah, that one is very interesting because it's actually something that the Eelfinn initiated and wanted, not Mat.

I think someone might be bending the ancient treaty to get something that he wants.

Mat compares the smell of the Eelfinn's room here to a "fox den" - "full of dead things". It's all pretty worrying.

So Mat makes his last need - "to get the fuck out of here. Now!"

We learn a couple of more important rules of visiting the Eelfinn (and perhaps the Aelfinn) -- you are not guaranteed the right to leave. If you forget to make leaving part of your bargain, then you will stay here and die. And probably get turned into clothing.

And that there are terms and there's a price for the needs that are granted and if that is not set by the person making the request, then the Eelfinn gets to set it himself. And his price is that Mat does leave his realm... by way of a noose.

On the other side of the doorway, Min panics a bit over Mat disappearing, and Chesmal shows up. Once Mat arrives hanged, Min waits until he's stopped breathing to bonk Chesmal over the head. I'm not entirely certain why she doesn't do it sooner, if I'm being perfectly honest. Chesmal seemed pretty transfixed by watching Mat die.

Anyway, Min saves Mat's life using not very good CPR, Mat reflectively flirts when he wakes up, which is his default state of being, and he's survived his journey through the doorway, only barely. Honestly, that Mat doesn't manage to flirt with the Eelfinn is a real statement about how much he was thrown by the events in the room (the list of people Mat has defensively flirted with includes both Liandrin and Ishamael, after all).

He's also left with three parting gifts -- a nasty scar on his neck that hopefully will get healed up; a silver or steel foxhead necklace; and the rope that he's hanging from is tied to a spear of some kind that is jammed into the doorway. We don't get confirmation on whether or not he takes that with him.

Mat also appears to have lost some of his own memories -- he doesn't remember coming to the Panarch's palace (but he does seem to remember Min fine). On the plus side, the screaming in his head is gone.

Did Elaida's doorway work the same? We can't know. She did appear to get a gift, but she came out with the promise that she would become Amrylin. We don't know much beyond that, except that she may have known enough about how the Finn work to negotiate her own price (perhaps it relates to why her hand shakes?).

Mat did acquire some new items, at a cost, but we don't yet know the value of them, and he's lost some of his memories as well.

But they are past the vision of him being hanged. So far, we've had one big Min vision per season that gets resolved in the finale, so I wonder if that trend will continue (s1: Nynaeve and Egwene nearly burning out; s2: Mat stabbing Rand; s3: Mat being hanged).

Elayne and Thom are hiding from Jeaine and Thom tries to talk Elayne into letting him make a noble last stand, the same as he did with the boys back in s1. While he's saying what he believes are his last goodbyes to her, he tells her that he promised her mother that he would keep her safe, and that she needs to find a way to stop the Forsaken in Caemlyn that is controlling Morgase.

While Elayne appears to agree, she actually sneaks around the other way and, while Thom has Jeaine distracted, Elayne wallops her with the One Power and snatches the ter'angreal from her. We've seen that when Jeaine tries to use the rod, there was a nasty recoil that made it very difficult for her to aim, but Elayne is able to control it with relative ease.

When she hits Jeaine with the balefire, Jeaine slowly (and painfully, it looks like) disappears... and then a balefire-colored ghosty image of Jeaine appears, doing the same actions she'd done earlier, and the damage that Jeaine did to the ceiling becomes undone and the ceiling is whole again.

"This makes balefire. I could be one of the Chosen with a weapon like this."

So that seems like a useful little toy that Elayne has acquired! Plus she saved Thom's life. Elayne's plan here goes off without a hitch.

I also like that we bring the whole ~gunslinger~ vibe that Alanna had in 3x01 back again here with Thom.

This little thread is probably our most successful of the groups in Tanchico -- Elayne kills Jeaine, saves Thom, and acquires a weapon that can potentially challenge the Forsaken. All gains no losses! Not a bad day's work!

Nynaeve is searching around and she's in the correct room but doesn't know it yet. Liandrin shows up, finds the collar, but then leaves it behind because it doesn't look like what she was expecting. After Liandrin leaves, Nynaeve picks the collar up and puts it into her bag, and then heads to the entrance, where she waits.

She told the others to leave if they found the collar, but she can't bring herself to do it. And so she's waiting right there when Liandrin shows up (I'm guessing Liandrin was following the whispers from the bracelets again -- which is likely why Moghedien gave her the bracelets in the first place, because she knows how these kinds of ter'angreal work and assumed that having two of the pieces would be able to draw Liandrin to the third piece).

I feel like Nynaeve could at least have tried to hide instead of standing right by the door! But she is standing by the door and is immediately spotted by Liandrin.

New rule: Nynaeve isn't allowed on any more stealth missions.

There's literally a shadowy corridor right behind her too.

So, the Nynaeve and Liandrin scene -- I feel like there's definitely a comparison to be made to Rand and Lanfear, in terms of someone wishing that they could change the mind of a person who is on the side of the Shadow and bring them back to the Light. In both cases, the relationship is first established via deception -- Lanfear pretends to be Selene to get into Rand's bed; Liandrin pretends not to be Black Ajah so that she can become Nynaeve's teacher. There's a moment of horrifying realization that this person that you trusted and liked is committed to a horrible cause (Moiraine revealing that Selene is Lanfear vs the Seanchan betrayal).

And then there's the hope that maybe you can save them.

Though I do feel like not all of Liandrin's backstory was necessary this season and that we could have cut some of it in favor of something else, there's also a comparison in that as well -- it's learning about Liandrin/Lanfear's past history that gives Nynaeve/Rand hope that they can turn away from the Shadow.

Rand realizes at the end of 3x06 that the woman that he wants to save doesn't exist. The woman that he cared about -- the woman that he could perhaps have loved... she wasn't real. Because that woman would not have been capable of tormenting someone for weeks in their dreams. Lanfear's own revealed actions shattered Rand's illusions about her.

Here, Liandrin declares that the woman that Nynaeve wants to believe in doesn't exist and, to prove it, she tosses Nynaeve into the ocean.

So, we definitely see Nynaeve's weakness for Liandrin on display here. Is Liandrin showing a weakness for Nynaeve, or she is embracing cruelty? Drowning is a slower and more painful death than the bullet-to-the-head weave.

It might be as simple as having enough affection for Nynaeve that Liandrin didn't personally want to watch her die.

I'm not sure I believe that Liandrin was trying to give Nynaeve a chance to break her block, though the argument can be made. That maybe the lie that Lanfear said about Egwene (hurting her to "make her stronger") is part of Liandrin's intentions here. Maybe. Liandrin does believe that "adversity breeds strength".

After what Liandrin says here ("I'm going to collar the Dragon Reborn"), it makes all the sense in the world that Nynaeve & co are going to try to book it to find Rand as quickly as possible, and their best guess for where he has to go eventually would be Tear (because of Callandor). Plus Elayne has a family friend in the city.

Nynaeve breaking through her block by using the thought of the daughter that she had in the Arches. It really is interesting to me how much focus there has been on Nynaeve's journey through the Arches, compared to how little it's been focused on for Egwene or (especially) Elayne. We caught one glimpse of a mad!Rand in Egwene's nightmares in 3x02 and then nothing until Egwene accuses Rand of being mad in 3x06, and then her concern in 3x08 when Rand doesn't let go of the One Power. And with Elayne, we have absolutely zero knowledge of what happened in the Arches.

But for Nynaeve, it has been a profoundly transformative experience that has deeply shaped her, to the point where that's what she reaches for when she needs to break her block, not any of the real and living people who are potentially in danger in the Panarch's Palace. She talks about her daughter in 3x01, dreams about her in 3x05, uses her to help break her block in 3x08.

Part of her grieving process, perhaps, turning Elnore's memory into something that gives her strength instead of hurting her? To contrast against Liandrin calling her son something that made her weak?

Nynaeve's scorecard for the episode: one big miss (Liandrin taking the collar); one big hit (breaking her block)

The Tanchico storyline is now all wrapped up and it's time to wrap up the Aiel Waste and the White Tower plotlines (which get interlinked, because the events in the White Tower plotline end up affecting the Waste Plotline).

Lan's subplot with Melindhra gets wrapped up, and we get to see the effects of the Dark Oath on a person. Now, we don't know exactly what triggers the backlash from breaking the Dark Oath -- is it something that happened internally in her heart? Was it refusing an order from one of the Forsaken? Was it telling Lan about Lanfear? Uncertain. It does not look like a pleasant ending but Melindhra realizes that her life is not worth living if she is forced to betray the one thing that mattered so much to her that she was willing to dedicate herself to the Shadow for the promise of it.

There's a quote from another series, the Vorkosigan series, that I feel suits this situation: "Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing that you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart." Lan is Malkier, and Malkier is Melindhra's heart.

"Death is lighter than a feather. Duty, heavier than a mountain."

Duty has been a big theme this season. The weight of duty. Rand has been struggling with it. Aviendha was running from it. Elayne is trying to balance it. Moiraine and Siuan are both willing to sacrifice everything for it. We've seen how that mountain has been weighing Siuan down this season, this task that she has been trying to hold up, as impossible as holding up the sky itself. Perrin choosing first to defend his people and then to lay his weapons down and surrender himself to Dain and the Whitecloaks. We watched the many past Aiel torn between duty to the Aes Sedai and their way of life, with those who tried to keep to both dying out. The sa'angreal in Rhodric's hands, carried out of the Age of Legends and into Rhuidean so that it could be held by Moiraine today, used to defend his blood-descendent, the Dragon Reborn. The Aiel people shattered into pieces to create Rhuidean, and to prepare the way for the Car'a'carn. They will shatter again today.

Duty, and destiny.

Rand watches the horizon. A shape is there, in the distance. A dark shape of a person against the white clouds.

He blinks, and the horizon is clear again.

While he was looking out at the desert, Moiraine has come to join him in his shade, and she opens the conversation with "You were right."

I'm guessing that part of the reason that Moiraine is so vulnerable with Rand here (admitting that he was right and she was wrong is a very vulnerable thing for her to do) is because she thinks it might be her last chance -- from what she saw in the rings, it is very likely that she might die today, facing off against Lanfear.

This opening also functions as a nice compare/contrast against a conversation that Rand had with Lanfear in 3x03, which was her creating false vulnerability and false intimacy.

Lanfear (3x03): "I don't know if I can untangle this for us. You were right to stay away from Callandor. I should have seen that. It was selfish of me."

Moiraine (3x08): "You were right to come here. This is a nation of warriors. This is an army that can take the Stone of Tear. Even the Forsaken will fall against a hundred thousand spears."

I am also going to point out that Moiraine is secondhand complimenting Elayne here as well, though she doesn't know it, because Elayne is the one who suggested this idea to Rand -- and for exactly this reason.

In 3x03, Lanfear "admits" that she now believes that Rand was right because she's working on manipulating him (she uses that conversation to try to make him believe she wants to escape her Dark Oaths, and to try to get Rand to find the Sakarnan for her).

Moiraine admits that Rand's right because she actually believes it. She says it plain, so that Rand can know it's true. Unlike Lanfear, she can't lie (which was also the key thing that made Rand go with Moiraine back in 2x04, when she first revealed who Lanfear was to Rand), so if Moiraine is telling Rand that he made the right choice, she means it.

"I'm sorry that I didn't know sooner that this was the right thing to do." Another huge show of vulnerability for Moiraine that I didn't catch the significance of during my first viewing. I think I was probably still recovering from Nynaeve breaking her block, so there was a lot in this conversation that I didn't pick up on! I think I only really started being able to properly process again when we get to the point where Rand crouches down in front of her (which echoes what Moiraine did to Rand in their much more testy conversation in 3x01).

Rand reciprocates her honesty with his own, revealing his cards in a way that he never does with Lanfear in any of their scenes -- he tells her that he's guessed that she helped Lanfear with the attack on the inn. He's guessed her motives as well - "To separate me from the others so that you could control me."

He gets her to confirm that she suspected that she knew about Lanfear torturing Egwene as well (I'm assuming it was the bruises on Egwene's neck in 3x02 that made Moiraine suspect something, at least after Egwene confirmed that they weren't from Rand).

"I hoped it would drive you two apart." "Me and Egwene? Or me and Lanfear?" "Both." "It worked." "I know."

While the actual break-up scenes with Egwene and Lanfear happened earlier, this is the confirmation from Rand that, for his part, he is done with both relationships entirely.

This also may have been why Moiraine was mostly avoiding Rand after Rhuidean -- she was waiting and hoping for the Egwene-Lanfear situation to blow up so that Rand would no longer be tethered to either of them.

So. Cards on the table. Honesty. It took a long time for Moiraine to be willing to be this honest with him, but they've finally gotten there.

Rand saw a figure out on the horizon that disappeared when he blinked. Whether or not that figure was a sign of potential madness waiting for him, Rand likely believes that it was. So he's in a similar position to Moiraine here -- the thing that he was so scared of is already knocking at the door. He and Moiraine are both at the point that lies beyond fear, into sheer bloody determination to do whatever it takes to accomplish their goal, in the time that they have left to do it (and Siuan will be right on this same wavelength once we loop back into her storyline).

"I have been ready to kill you if you chose the Dark or if you lost your mind. I don't want you to get to the Last Battle unless I know you can win it for the Light." "Exactly. You want what I want. You're the only one who does. Thank you. I'm here because of you. I see that now." "I won't be here forever." "I know. And I won't either."

They're on the same page, and agree on the terms. The goal is what matters, not the cost to themselves. This is, and must be, bigger than themselves.

(that doesn't mean that all the rest doesn't matter, even if Rand might believe it doesn't right now; but I'll talk about that at the end)

Look how much trust and gratitude you can get out of Rand if you're honest with him, Moiraine! This could have been you in 3x01 if you'd opened up to him back then instead of making deals with Lanfear, just saying!

I'm teasing her a little but Rand has been trying to reach out to Moiraine this season and she has been a brick wall back to him for most of that time, so it's really nice to see her offer truth and vulnerability here and then get immediately rewarded for it.

The truth doesn't need to be pretty -- it can be messy and ruthless and difficult. But Rand appreciates it anyway, because it's the truth.

Rand wants them to fight this battle together, but Moiraine refuses -- "No Aes Sedai strings at your back." Instead, they will fight separate battles -- him to bring the Aiel under his control and her against Lanfear.

And Siuan, fighting her own battle, alone except for Leane.

Separate battles, but it's all the same battle.

Verin and the rest of the "most trusted" Sisters arrive to confront Galina and the other seven Red Sisters who left the White Tower, only to learn that it was all done to get the people that Siuan trusted most out of the Tower.

In addition to getting these Sisters out of the way for the planned coup, this also reveals to Galina (and thus Elaida), which Sisters it was that Siuan trusted on this sort of mission.

The climaxes between Siuan - Moiraine - Rand are more tied together than the Tanchico climaxes, so I'll take them together instead of separately.

What Siuan and Leane learn here is that they're too late. Leane isn't being allowed into the Hall, because the vote was already taken. Secretly, with only the minimum of needed Sitters, Siuan has been deposed and accused of being a Darkfriend (note Elaida's use of the passive voice -- who accused her of being a Darkfriend, exactly?), who was "working in concert with the Shadow to hide the Dragon's existence from this Tower". That is a very specific accusation, Elaida. Who exactly wrote down the words of that accusation?

The Sitters that we see: none of the Blues (not a shock); two Greens; one Gray; two Whites, I think; two Yellows; one Brown; three Reds.

No audience, not like there was when Siuan became Amyrlin.

Leane moves to defend Siuan (using her staff) and is shielded by Alviarin. And several of the Sitters stand up to help Elaida still Siuan.

So even as Rand moves to secure the Aiel, he has lost the White Tower ("If the White Tower does not bend the knee to Rand al'Thor, he will lose the Last Battle," from what Moiraine learned in the rings).

We know what an overwhelming and devasting experience that being stilled/gentled is -- we saw Logain still wishing for death months later. And we see it here with Siuan, how hollowed out it makes her feel.

After seeing the fall of the White Tower begin, we move to Liandrin's job interview with Moghedien, where the two of them decide to team up to collar the Dragon Reborn. Neither of them have been great at working with others so far (as they both admit) so... we will see where that goes next season.

I have to admit that I was pretty surprised that Liandrin survived the season, because we got so much backstory on her that I felt like it was building up to a death scene of some kind. All that backstory does feel slightly excessive to me now that I know that she doesn't die, lol. But maybe they wanted to make sure that Moghedien had a consistent scene partner in s4 to bounce off of, and Kate Fleetwood is an excellent actress.

I am very curious where Liandrin learned the term Nae'Blis. Was Ishamael making her wild promises back in s1/2? He was very good at making promises.

Rahvin and Lanfear (in her goth era -- actually she kinda reminds me of the look in the movie "Legend" from the 'dancing with the black dress' scene) examine the... art piece that Moghedien made out of Sammael's body and blood -- Moggy successfully learned how to kill one of the Chosen (both Moghedien and Liandrin have a history of killing their coworkers -- a shared interest!).

"You've always played on all sides, Rahvin. It's time for you to pick the winning one."

Flashbacking to Lanfear, trying to play all sides, literally earlier in this same season, lol. Anyway, Lanfear has moved on from trying to get her baby boo do-over Lews Therin to get Callandor and is now trying to get Rahvin to go for it.

(Rahvin accurately comments that this must mean that her "little Dragon" has rejected her)

Lanfear declares that she's ready to kill Rand (spoilers: she does not even get anywhere close to Rand in the remainder of the episode).

Shifting to those two scenes let some time pass in our other storylines, so now Rand and Rhuarc are approaching Alcair Dal, to give the presentation to the Aiel but, just like Siuan was too late to the Hall, Rand is too late and Couladin is already here, presenting himself to the Aiel and claiming that he's the Car'a'carn.

Rand knows he's lying. Rhuarc knows he's lying. Bair and Melaine know he's lying.

Couladin knows he's lying.

But the majority of the Aiel present don't know. Even the other clan chiefs and Wise Ones don't know until Rand reveals that he knows the truth of Rhuidean while Couladin's actions make it clear that he doesn't.

Sevenna is presenting Couladin to the assembled Aiel, standing in for the clan chief that the Shaido don't currently have (what with Muradin clawing his eyes out in the columns and never making it back out), lying to them that Couladin is the Car'a'carn.

At first glance, I do not see the Shaido Wise One from earlier among the other Wise Ones (and Egwene) who are assembled to one side, though there is one Wise One who is dressed in the darker colors that the Shaido wear.

I do feel like we all should stop and admire Sevenna's outfit. That is wild. I love it so much. What is she wearing on her chest? That can't be comfortable.

While Rand heads off to interrupt Couladin's presentation, Moiraine creates a protective bubble around the area -- though I suspect her actual purpose is distracting Lanfear to come find her.

Couladin: "According to prophecy, I will bring new days. We will cross the Dragonwall again and take back what was ours."

So that's the plan that Couladin sets out here, and what he's going to take his faction of Aiel to do after he leaves here today. Originally, he wanted to get all of the Aiel on his side before Rand arrived, but he was not quick enough.

It looks like there are three empty clan chief seats, so we're missing three clans here.

"Wetlander. I'll kill you for standing on our sacred ground."

And, of course, we had the Shaido Wise One noting earlier that shedding blood on sacred ground is not honorable.

"What does the prophecy (of Rhuidean) say?"

Rand uses Couladin desparagingly callilng him a 'wetlander' to lean into going over the prophecies with the assembled Aiel -- born of the blood but not raised by the blood, and tells them his birth father was Janduin (of the Iron Mountain sept, clan chief of the Taardad Aiel). He points out that it was to the wetlands that people were sent looking for the Car'a'carn.

And the clan chiefs look at Rand, knowing that he is speaking the truth, while some of the assembled Aiel call him a 'liar' because, like Couladin, they do not want a 'wetlander' as their Car'a'carn.

In the Tower, Siuan has been brought back to the Hall for her sentencing, after having been questioned off-screen.

We see the same Sitters as before, in an otherwise empty Hall. Alviarin, now the Keeper, and Elaida, who wears her Amyrlin gold over a large amount of red (much more red than gold). She has no interest in being 'of all Ajahs', and only cared about the power of the Seat, not the duties.

Siuan has had such a heavy weight for the past twenty years, ever since she and Moiraine heard Gitara's prophecy. Fighting a battle against impossible odds. Now, she's lost that battle -- lost the White Tower, which might mean that they are doomed to lose the Last Battle itself, if what Moiraine told her is true. Past the point of fear, having already lost everything, Siuan is able to say all the things that she couldn't say before, because she was afraid that telling those truths would lead to these consequences.

(from 1x06: "They must never suspect we're working together. If another Sister finds out what we're doing, we'll be stilled.")

That she loves Moiraine, yes. That she would die to protect Moiraine, yes. But then she also confirms that she has been conspiring with Moiraine for the past twenty years, which puts Moiraine in that same danger that Siuan is facing, because as much as she loves Moiraine and wants to protect her, there is something greater. Trying to fix the White Tower in secret didn't work.

But Siuan has to believe that not all of these women are Darkfriends (she's fairly certain that Elaida herself is not). So she uses the time that she has left to try to use the truth to reach at least one of them. To try to make them believe, the way that she believes.

We don't know if any of the other Sitters are willing to listen but Elaida hears her, and is shaken by what she hears. She is aware of the power of a Foretelling, and knowing that Siuan and Moiraine have been following a Foretelling is going to shake her resolve.

While Siuan tells the truth to the small audience that she faces, Rand is telling the truth to the enormous host of assembled Aiel. We get a quick glimpse of Aviendha feeling a moment of betrayal towards the Wise Ones when she hears Rand reveal that the Aiel once followed the Way of the Leaf ("You knew?").

The way Rhuarc talks here "our people cannot face this truth" does seem specifically geared to reinforce the idea that Rand is speaking the truth. He didn't want Rand to do this, but he won't pretend it's a lie.

"This is what I was born to do." (what does the prophecy say? that he will save and destroy the Aiel)

Couladin does realize at this point that the more his people listen to Rand talk, the more likely Rand is to get them to realize that he must be the one speaking the truth, so he bounces, along with the people willling to follow him (mostly Shaido but I see some lighter outfits in there too).

And the Aiel remaining are the ones willing to listen.

Egwene is already looking worried here, even before Rand starts channeling -- maybe the very idea of him embracing prophecy this strongly concerns her? I'm not certain (I am once again asking for more insight into Egwene's thoughts and feelings in s4, lol).

Siuan's speech is genuinely fantastic and sums up so much of what the show is saying about people living in dangerous and difficult times.

"The world is changing. We cannot stand behind these walls and pretend we still have control. The only thing we have control over is what we do.

So what will you do?

Will you stand behind this woman who stands for nothing? Who loves nothing but power.

It's not the Tower or the Seat that makes us who we are.

It is us.

Us.

We are the power.

The Light shines through us. That is the truth!

I am Aes Sedai.

I have sworn on the Oath that my Sisters have sworn on for three thousand years. So, you hear my words and know that they are true.

If you stay here, you will burn with this Tower that you claim to love.

But I will never burn because I am Siuan Sanche. Daughter of the river. Water itself. And I defy you!

I defy you, Elaida!"

Before she kills Siuan, Alviarin looks over to Elaida, who is pretty visibly shaken by Siuan's words.

And Moiraine feels Siuan's death, as the oath she made to Siuan is released.

In between Siuan's speech, Rand speaks to the Aiel, reminding them of the words of the prophecy -- reminding them what the Car'a'carn is meant to do to them as a people. He will break them, he will destroy them, but he will save "the remnant of a remnant". Salvation and destruction, both.

Lanfear told him that she had fallen in love with the part that wanted to save the world, and Rand wanted to believe her, but when he found out what she was doing to Egwene, he knew it wasn't true.

Egwene looks worried and concerned over Rand even before any channeling is involved. Rand becoming what he must become is what worries her.

Before the taint overtakes his channeling, I see red, blue, and white -- I think that's fire, water, and air? Makes sense for what he does.

This is Rand doing the same thing that Moiraine and Siuan are both doing right now -- he is embracing the truth that terrifies him, which is what he is asking the Aiel to do as well (and what Siuan is asking the Sitters to do).

In 2x07, Siuan calls Rand "the water that turns the Wheel". In this episode, she calls herself water -- she has been the Amyrlin Seat for the past ten years, the daughter of the river.

Water frequently comes up when the One Power is involved, or to invoke the rituals that were likely once associated with the One Power -- I imagine that the ceremony of the Women's Circle in the Two Rivers might have originated as a Manetheren rite of passage for potential Aes Sedai, teaching them to trust the "river" aka the One Power. In s2, our blocked Nynaeve is unable to use the Power to clean a glass of water and drinks it dirty. Water is used as the symbol of the battle of wills between Renna and Egwene, where Renna wants control over Egwene's power. Wine (water with a pleasing intoxicant in it) is used to symbolized tainted saidin in Rand's conversation with Logain in s2.

In this episode, Nynaeve finds herself in the water, in all senses of the word, and frees herself from her block.

And Rand makes it rain in the desert, creating a storm that reaches out as far as Tanchico on the west coast. He is the water turning the Wheel of Time itself, a level of power that outstrips anything we've seen before (and the first time when Rand has really needed to put his whole body into channeling the way that Aes Sedai need to do for much simpler and smaller weaves).

I don't have that much to say about Moiraine & Lan's fight against Lanfear because I never really have much to say about fighting scenes! We do see that Moiraine is able to be fueled by the grief that she feels when Siuan dies, just as Queen Eldrene was fueled by grief in the story of Manetheren, when she felt her husband die. Lanfear gets injured but manages to escape (running the second she feels like she's in genuine danger).

And Moiraine is left with her grief -- a deep personal grief, for the loss of the woman that she loves, and while it may not have hit her yet, there will likely also be grief over what this may mean in the larger picture. If Siuan is dead, nothing good can be happening at the White Tower.

As Moiraine speaks the words of one of the prophecies, we watch as the storm clouds begin to pass over Moiraine and Lan.

The storm clouds reach Tar Valon, as Elaida moves her things into Siuan's chambers and has Siuan's personal items removed.

Thunder rolls and Moghedien looks up. The storm has reached her location -- is she still in Tanchico, or have she and Liandrin left? I am not good at architectural analysis, so I'm not certain. It doesn't look like Tanchico architecture to me, so I think she might be somewhere else. Maybe further to the east.

We see clouds in the sky as Faile, Bain, and Chiad examine the massive Whitecloak camp where Perrin has (presumably) been taken.

And the storm has reached the seas, where Nynaeve, Elayne, Mat, and Min (and presumably Thom) are leaving via a Sea Folk ship. To try to find Rand and warn him about the collar being in the hands of Liandrin and an unknown member of the Forsaken.

Then we return to Rand. He is calm, not crazed (like he was in Egwene's Arches vision) or euphoric (like he was in 3x01). Egwene calls out to him to let go of the One Power, like she did in 3x01 but this time, he doesn't.

I do love this look at the end between Rand and Egwene, and how vastly different their experiences of that moment are (I do suspect that their experiences are going to continue to drift apart).

For Egwene, she's worried that Rand has lost himself. She asks him to let go and he acknowledges that he heard her (he looks over to her) and he doesn't listen to her.

But while Rand has let go of himself... it's not to the corruption but to what he believes that he must become, to the prophecy of the Dragon Reborn (and the Car'a'carn). This is essentially what he expressed in his conversation with Moiraine earlier. He and Moiraine both want the same thing -- for Rand win the Last Battle 'for the Light', while accepting that Rand may need to be willing to do whatever it takes in the pursuit of that goal.

Are Moiraine and Rand correct in what they believe Rand must become in order to succeed?

Is it a good thing that Moiraine has been doing her best to isolate Rand away from other people and break him away from his emotional attachments?

Is it a good thing if Rand decides to embrace Moiraine's philosophy?

The prophecy that Moiraine says in voiceover implies that they might be wrong with their approach.

For the land is one with the Dragon Reborn, and he is one with the land. Soul of fire, heart of stone, in pride he conquers, forcing the proud to yield. He calls upon the mountains to kneel, and the seas to give way, and the very skies to bow. Pray that the heart of stone remembers tears, and the soul of fire, love

There's an interesting alignment of Egwene & Lanfear going on this season, a sort of compare/contrast that I feel like was probably at the heart of why the season had Randgwene last as long as it did. We have the Dragon's two exes, with Lanfear saying that the reason that Lews Therin Telamon broke things off with her was because she didn't bow to him, and Egwene being the only person that doesn't bow to Rand at the end of the episode (which, you know, of course she doesn't -- he's not her Car'a'carn. I don't think any of the Aiel expected her to bow, and Rand certainly didn't. But the comparison is there for the audience, not the Aiel; the audience is meant to think back to Mad!Rand screaming at Egwene to bow to him in her Arches vision from 3x01).

This is what Lanfear claims now (3x08): "You made the whole world bow. And the only one who wouldn't was me. That's why you left me. Because I wouldn't bow to you."

But both 'Selene' and 'Lews Therin' (via Rand's words) tell a different story.

'Selene' (2x04): "You shouldn't hide it. I did that once. Turned my soul to him like a mirror, reflecting only what he wanted to see. Leaving the rest of me in darkness. But one day he looked too long. Too carefully. You need to give someone the chance to love all of you. They might not. But you have to give them the chance."

Rand (3x08): "Lews Therin... he left you for the same reasons that I am. Because you're jealous and petty and just cruel. You're a monster, Lanfear."

Some part of Lanfear knows why she and LTT didn't work out, but she doesn't want to admit to any character flaws so... it's because she didn't worship him. That's the reason. It's definitely not because of any fault in herself that he might have discovered that turned him off her. Definitely not!

Sammael didn't last long in the show, but he did drop in that banger of a line which undercuts the narrative that Lanfear is trying to peddle right now (3x03): "You'd have stretched out at [Lews Therin's] feet if he'd said 'Rug'."

And, of course, 'not bowing to him' is also not the reason that Egwene and Rand broke things off either. In fact, Rand respects that Egwene has no intention of bending herself to his desires. That's not what he wants out of a partner -- we had that confirmed already back in 1x08, when he rejects the temptation-world that Ishamael created for him because he knew it wasn't what Egwene would have wanted, but Rand also re-affirms it in the 3x06 break-up scene.

But one of the big themes of the books is the difficulties of communication, especially between men and women. I tend to call it "Women And Men Just Can't Communicate With Each Other" and it gets taken to ridiculous lengths in the books.

In the show, it kinda feels like they're taking something that was generalized in the books to Basically Everyone and making it instead a specific problem between Rand and Egwene, and a long-standing one that has marked their whole relationship but that didn't really matter until the stakes became so much bigger (I noted in either a 3x05 or 3x06 post that Rand and Egwene's communication issues were already present back in 1x01 -- Egwene avoids talking to Rand until their parents basically force them to be alone together; and then Rand distracts them with sex once he starts to get the vibe that Egwene is about to start a Serious Relationship Conversation).

Instead of Women And Men Just Can't Communicate With Each Other, it's Egwene And Rand Just Can't Communicate With Each Other -- in a similar way to how the show took the general theme in the books of "Two Rivers Men Are Wildly Overprotective Of Women Just Because" and made it a Perrin-specific thing and gave him a reason to feel that way. Because the show does agree that this is an issue that should be addressed, whether it be overprotectiveness or miscommunication, but wants to explore it using only one character (or one set of characters), rather than it being something that afflicts all the main characters.

I realized that I was shouting, "Holy shit, just TALK to each other" at Rand and Egwene the same way that I basically did most of the time when women and men interacted with each other in the books, because there were so many persistent and wilful misunderstandings going on. The frustration that Randgwene made me feel this season truly was straight out of the books.

And if they were going to have any two characters exploring this specific issue, Rand and Egwene are probably the ones to do it (we've seen in the show that most men and women do not have this level of communication disconnect with each other -- Nynaeve and Mat have a much warmer relationship in the show than in the books, for instance).

3x06 is the first time that Egwene accuses Rand of madness due to behavior that is unrelated to any kind of corruption or taint from the Dark One (the Lanfear mess was good old-fashioned manipulation from a master-manipulator) but I don't think it'll be the last. When Rand acts in ways that go outside how she believes he would act, I think we may see her going back to "it must be the madness taking him" as her belief for why he's acting that way.

If Egwene has a conviction that Rand is already heavily influenced by madness, we've seen that Rand also sees Egwene through Two Rivers eyes, but while Egwene thinks back to pre-1x01 and their relationship before the break-up and is comparing now-Rand to then-Rand, Rand sees her in the lens of their break-up in 1x01.

A large part of his side of their break-up talk in 3x06 goes back to that original break-up and her reasons for it. When she had a chance for something she saw as 'better' than a life with Rand (the apprenticeship with Nynaeve), that's what she wanted. And when that chance vanished, she wanted to go back to her old relationship with Rand as if nothing had changed between them when, for Rand, everything had changed because now he knew where he stood in Egwene's list of priorities. He accepts this and lets go of the dream of his life with Egwene in 1x08 when he's facing Ishamael, but then s3 digs up those wounds again.

To Rand, what happens this season feels like part of that same pattern from 1x01-1x02 -- she only wants him when she has nothing better on offer and when she needs someone 'safe' as a security blanket.

From my own perspective, I do wish we'd gotten a reminder of some kind in 3x03 that the worry about Rand going mad has been preying on Egwene's mind and that she's with him in the Aiel Waste partly because she's concerned that she's going to need to be the one to stop him if he starts to be overcome by the corruption, because the break-up did feel unbalanced to me and I felt like that part of it wasn't really implied outside of 3x01 itself, but hopefully s4 will let us have more insight into Egwene's thought processes again, maybe if she gets reunited with Nynaeve and Elayne, and has someone to confide in that she can trust.

Looking forward to s4, which I do dearly hope that we get, we have some things set up for us:

Tear and Callandor. This has gotten a ton of set-up this season -- it was mentioned both in 3x01 and in 3x08. Callandor is the male counterpart to the sa'angreal that Moiraine has, so it can presumably amplified Rand as much as the Sakarnan amplifies Moiraine in this episode. Given how incredibly powerful Rand has shown himself to be here without any kind of sa'angreal, that is... a lot of power. You can see why Lanfear tried to convince Rand that it could be used to kill the Dark One.

Perrin has surrendered himself to the Whitecloaks, but Faile, Bain, and Chiad aren't going to leave it at that.

We have two different sets of villains: we have the alliance of Moghedien and Liandrin, who have the collar and want to put it on Rand, and we potentially have an alliance of Lanfear and Rahvin -- she's trying to convince him to go for Callandor, but she also just got her ass kicked by Moiraine and nearly died, so he might not find her arguments persuasive.

The White Tower has essentially fallen, which is concerning on several different levels.

Rand and Moiraine have connected and fully aligned on their goals and methods. Whether that's good or bad remains to be seen -- Egwene seems concerned.

A large portion of the Aiel present at Alcair Dal left with Couladin, who expressed a desire to go over the Dragonwall to "take back what is ours". That also seems like a pressing problem.

Rand definitely saw someone in the desert who disappeared when he blinked. That's concerning. He also no longer seems to be worrying about how much of the corruption he touches, as long as the One Power does what he needs it to do.

We are down two Chosen now, with three in the spotlight (Lanfear, Moghedien, and Rahvin), two mentioned but not seen yet (Semirhage and Graendal), and one who is completely unknown.

Fingers crossed for renewal news!

[timeslipcamp]

so this guy right here is what inspired the flower meanings post in the first place, and i figured, "why not go ahead and find the meanings of his nicknames?" yes, chimi, start another post while you still have eight other ones to work on

huuuuge shoutout to @hydrologistshateher for getting a list for me, you saved 19 years of my life

anyways here's the meanings behind the nicknames towa gives people

towa doesn't seem to give a nickname to everyone, which i do think is interesting, especially because haru doesn't have one. why doesn't haru have one? did he meet him as haru and decided everyone else would have nicknames after? how did they meet? where did towa come from???

but i digress. that'll be in my towa theory post later

so let's kick it off with our super tragic girlie!

MC - Dandelion

this one is sooo cute. the first time he called us this i squealed. i love towa dude

dandelions are for the most part a symbol of hope and resilience. i saw another place say they represented strength and springtime. you know what else dandelions represent??? transformation :)

there's an old belief that dandelion seeds will carry thoughts to your loved ones for you, and that's why people make wishes on them.

Zenji - Iris

resisting the urge to sing the goo goo dolls song again you're welcome

irises are one of the ones that their meaning changes depending on the color, so we're gonna go with purple because zenji is purple

purple irises are typically associated with royalty because of how many rulers used them across the ages, starting all the way back when ancient syria was conquered in like, 1300 somethin bce. they also symbolize wisdom and courage, and also admiration and faith. in victorian flower language, you sent these to friends you admired and respected

their name comes from the greek goddess iris, who was a messenger of zeus and hera, a rainbow, and a protector of women. zenji is a protector of women tyvm!! there's also a couple accounts of irises being planted on graves so that iris would show up and help guide the women to heaven.

i do think it's funny that iris is the personal messenger of hera and we currently own hera's snakes. oh shit does that make jin zeus? would taiga or ed be hades? no that's an insane theory, i can't make a post about that

and i don't want the world to see me--

Edward - Rafflesia

world's stinkiest flower. my local zoo has a fake one you can press a button and smell one. shit STANKS let me tell you. funny as hell they have ed "rotting" in bed all the time with this

also called corpse flower or stinking corpse lily, this flower not only has the world's largest individual flower, but it is also a parasite! jesus some of these can weigh 20 pounds. anyways they use other plants stems and grow out of their vines to flower.

these ones dont actually have an associated meaning other than a couple proposed ones from modern times lmao they're just big and parasitic

and stinkyyyyyyy

Kaito - Coriander

i was like why tf is he an herb and then i remembered it flowered too

this one's meaning is fucking killing me. okay so first of all, the greeks named it after koris, the bed bug, because of the smell. and THEN. its seeds have been used since ancient times as an aphrodisiac.

so its meanings are lust 😭 (and health, and hidden merit too but.) this is so funny. coriander likes to talk about love. towa you dog

(it's definitely for the hidden merit but i'm too busy laughing about lust)

Ren - Wolfsbane

the amount of times i've accidentally typed lyca because of 'wolf' is absurd. anyways

so first of all, wolfsbane gets its name because it was believed it could repel werewolves lmao. more practically, ancient shepherds would use the poisonous plants to coat their arrows. this would help them keep predators away from their flocks.

interesting anecdote if you think of haru as a shepherd. what's ren repelling?

in flower language, there's a variety of meanings, especially if you're differing between monkshood, aconite, or wolfsbane, which are all part of the same family. in victorian language, it was said to represent an avoidance of humans, and a few other places have it listed as symbolizing caution, death, and magic. it seems like the lighter colored ones lean towards caution while the darker hues are for death.

it looks like it's also associated with hecate and cerberus in greek mythology, but i'm having trouble finding reliable sources for that one.

and there we have it! i'll definitely add on to this post as we see more nicknames come out, and if someone catches another one, let me know!

there's turning out to be a lot more greek mythology associates than i was expecting, so guess who's got two thumbs and is probably going to finally put their humanities degree to good use

asks and dms always open!

[rubyrose143]

Hirano and Kagiura

„To all the haters out there, I just wanna say, if you’re jealous then just go cry about it“ - Amy Flamy

I wanted to do this thread now to end the forced hate towards hrkg.

So lean back and enjoy cause it’s gonna be MUCH 😉 (I’m their lawyer haha)

some information before I start:

Hirano and Kagiura are two roommates who live in the same dormitory and attend the same school. Hirano is one year older and on the disciplinary committee and Kagi is on the basketball team.

Let’s start 😁

We all know Hirano and Kagiura have a special bond since the first time they met! Kagi is really fond of Hirano and Hirano is really attached to Kagi.

Both are really direct and stubborn people, nice and caring but also loud and straight forward! But even when there are points where they are really similar, there are things where they aren’t similar, at all. In fact how they love a person is different and that’s what I’m going to show you.

„Hirano doesn’t love Kagi and never will, because he doesn’t feel romantic/ intimate feelings towards him. He does that to satisfy Kagiura“

Reeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyy? Wow this is interesting. So love means intimacy?Hmm… I seee.

So Kagiura didn’t love Hirano before the temple too because he didn’t had the urge to kiss him nor to touch him? Miyano didn’t like Sasaki too because he didn’t know if kissing was okay?

Love is something complex, something big and complicated. Love doesn’t mean: „Crush, blush, date, marry, sex, children“

No. If you love someone you want to be with them, you care about them, you miss them, you want to help them, support them in every little situation.

And both Hirano AND Kagi care about each other more than anyone else

Hirano always cared about Kagi, thinking about if he ate or practiced, if he’s fine and not overworking himself. 

After the confession where he turned him down, even THEN he cared about his feelings, thinking if it’s okay to wear the earrings he has gotten from his kouhai. 

He lets them try things out (the ten seconds) to see if he can see him as a potential partner 

And the courage to say that Kagi forces Hirano to do thing he doesn’t want is just straight up absurd. Kagi always sticks to the line and never breaks his boundaries.. Even when he did cross the line even a little, he felt guilty and apologized immediately, thinking about it for days! And Hirano hates it when Kagi avoids him and TELLS him to do it (madly… and loud…)

And Hirano doing this all to satisfy Kagiura because he could never love him is also just stupid. When Miyano wanted time to see if he can see Sasaki as a romantic partner, did we say he won’t love Sasaki? No… but fine let’s say Hirano and Kagi won’t get together cause why not? (sigh) 

How Niibashi said, Hirano is on his journey to fall in love. He is realizing things like, he does like Kagiura and he doesn’t dislike touching (if he initiates it) he wasn’t this far few chapters ago. Hirano never had thoughts about romantic relationships and people are all stereotypical about romance. Let the boy experience his own emotions. If he doesn’t like things, that’s fine, if he does like things that’s fine too. But stop being so pushy and try to make everything about stereotypes. Sensei‘s work was never like that. She doesn’t even like to use things like Uke and seme, she writes a story about boys who love each other. And isn’t that why we read this? So why make everything negative just because you don’t like it. If you don’t like hrkg or ssmy, don’t read it and don’t take the joy of the people who do love it.

And also, Kagi is right, sometimes love isn’t pink and beautiful, sometimes it hurts

Because love is sometimes suffering, longing, guilt and missing. 

And I use the words ‚sometimes‘ really often because it’s different for every couple and pair all around the world. Everyone loves different! Just because hrkg‘s relationship is like that, doesn’t mean ssmy‘s is like that. Just because ssmy‘s relationship is like that, doesn’t mean hrkg‘s relationship is like that (And both couples are healthy and perfect in their own ways)

Hirano and Kagiura have a great relationship 

Supporting each other

Caring about each other

missing each other

thinking about each other

appreciating each other

And that’s what you call ‚love‘. It’s a pure feeling. Intimacy comes muuuuchhhhhh later (sometimes). We don’t know if Hirano will be ready in one chapter, in five chapters or in fifteen chapters! And that’s not our problem anyway. 

How Kagiura said, for him love means wanting to be with someone more than anyone else, and Hirano feels the same way. 

Kagiura is faster in wanting things cause he had a previous relationship where he didn’t want any of this so he can compare both feelings.

So he is sure this one has to be Love.

.

.

.

In the end they care about each other more than anyone else. Support each other more than anyone else.

Enjoy being with each other more than with anyone else.

And love each other more than anyone else, cause they are their favorite/ most important persons in each others life.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of Hirano and Kagiura which still has a looooong way to go.

And we fans are always gonna be here no matter what! So for all the people who still hate and comment, please, go read Hirano to Kagiura AND Sasaki to Miyano again, thanks!

Thanks for reading this! I worked on this for many days! Let’s spread this and make the haters go away! 💚💛

[ragnarockz]

Beach House Mommy!Agatha x Reader but actually x me because it's my birthday tomorrow and I would want nothing more for her to [REDACTED] [SIRENS BLARING] [GUNSHOTS] me 🤎

Tip Jar 💰

You had to split up. There was no way around that fact. You were pretty sure it was the only way to tackle and hopefully complete the first trial. Jen had split you all up into pairs to find the ingredients needed to curb the poison. You kept your mouth shut knowing that originally Agatha hadn't drunk the wine at all. You had watched from the corner of your eye as she dumped it into the potted plant near the bar. You knew evidentially it would be hard to trust her through whatever the trial may be.

And of course, as your luck would have it, Jen had paired you up with Agatha.

You followed the witch as she moved quickly; trying to think on her feet of where two of you could possibly find petroleum. You mumbled something about Vaseline and heard her snap her fingers as she ushered you up the giant staircase to the huge bathroom. You followed her inside and caught a glance of her reflection through the almost floor to ceiling mirror. Your focus was waning as you, to put it bluntly, checked her out.

Maybe she had caught you staring or felt your eyes on the back of her head but she cleared her throat loudly and held onto the edge of the countertop and looked up into the mirror and back at your reflection.

"You know the longer we waste time...timer is ticking down there..."

"Sorry..."

Agatha shrugs as she lowers her gaze to look upon the countertop. Nothing remotely interesting there. You watch as she lets go of the countertop and bend slightly; trace the curve of the back of her legs through her grey pants as she opens up the cupboards.

"Wine?!"

You blink as you take a step and then two towards her; trying to peer over her shoulder to see for yourself.

Sure enough, among the bathroom essentials, there's a bottle of wine tucked under the vanity.

You hear the witch quietly laugh to herself under her breath as she grabs hold of the bottle's neck and pull it out from its hiding place. She places it on the countertop and grins like a well-fed cat. It sends shivers down your spine as you watch her and then suddenly feel as if your stomach sinks a little lower and your heart starts to beat quicker. Whatever the hell she's doing clearly is having an effect on you.

"Wine in the bathroom..."

You hear yourself mutter under your breath and catch as she half turns around to stare you down. Well-fed turns into hungry as you catch a glint in her eye and see the smile creep up on her lips. You hear her long french tipped nails tap against the countertop as it seems like she's doing nothing but waste time. Precious time that you know will run out if you don't find the ingredients that Jen needs to make the potion.

"Agatha-"

"Do you think this wine is poisoned?"

You don't answer her at first because how can you? You're playing with fire and you know it and you also know, that's exactly what she wants you to do. She wants you to reach out and try to touch the flames she's offering you with a grin. It's almost too pretty to ignore; almost too perfect and too tempting and you do, without thinking, take another step towards her.

You watch in silence as she tears into the bottle and opens it; no need for a corkscrew here. The gentle pop as the pressure is released makes you flinch and her lick her lips. She's staring you down now as she holds the bottle up tightly around its neck and you can see the veins in her hands from just how tight her grip is. Your mind starts to wader, starts to drift...

Those hands the same way around your own neck.

Her free hand comes up; palm up and her pointer finger curves to beckon you towards her. She does this exactly three time before she stops moving her finger and waits for you to close the gap between her.

And what can you really do in this moment but listen to her? She's walked this Road before, hasn't she?

She gap is closed and she slowly circles around you so that you are now the one with your back against the countertop edge and she's as free and open to move about if need be. She keeps that grin plastered on her face as she brings the bottle up a little higher; eyebrows raising in suggestion.

"No wine glasses up here..."

She's not telling you with the tone of her voice but almost, in a way, demanding you. You swallow hard and try not to let your gaze linger on her but you can't help it; cannot help but to stare her down and try to read her face as you bend your knees ever so slightly so that she's a head taller than you now. She looms over like a bad omen and you watch as she brings her arm higher, closer with the wine bottle slightly tipped.

She's waiting in silence; a pressure for you to conform and bend to her will.

Your knees get soft and week and your stomach flip flops and without a hint of doubt, you open up your mouth to her much like a baby bird waiting to be fed.

The smile on her face scares you just a little but also makes you feel red hot right inside of your core. Your eyes scan her face and can only pick up on the absolute pleasure this is giving her; the unmistakable power grab she's getting out of this. You feel your insides clench around nothing and a dull, deep throb between your legs almost sends you spiraling as your tongue pushes out ever so slightly.

You watch in silence as she brings the bottle closer so she doesn't spill anything as she tips the bottle and lets a stream of wine fall into your mouth.

It's sweeter than the one downstairs and lighter too in a way that's hard to describe. You close your eyes and hear her exhale through her nose as she somehow knows when it's time to tilt the bottle back to stop pouring. Whatever she's given you, you close your mouth and swallow it and pray that there won't be any side effects or even worse, death.

Death was what made Agatha scared downstairs; what made her unsure about when she was forced to drink her share of the poisoned wine. For someone who had been down the Road before, it was curious for you to see her in such a panicked state. Maybe before, death wasn't an issue so early on in the trials. Maybe now, the stakes were higher than ever before.

"...How was that? Good?"

Her words are sweeter than the wine and you try not to moan your response as your eyes open back up to stare at her. Her perfectly curled hair falls around her face in a soft veil and you wish nothing more than to reach out and touch it; feel it against your own face as she closes the gap maybe a little more.

Maybe this wine wasn't poisoned but, enchanted.

She holds the bottle with power as she does close the gap between you and her now, still towering over you as she does so. You try to push up with your knees to get back to regular height to face her and find yourself staggering as if that single drink she gave you was enough to make you tipsy. You hear her laugh; tiny and breathless as she allows you to stand up tall before she reaches past you to place the bottle down with a heavy thunk.

The gap closes and before you know it, the witch as her lips locked with yours as she's pushing you against the countertop with her body. You instantly feel the knobs of the cupboards hit against the back of your legs and the edge of the counter at your back. She breathes into your mouth and tries to stifle back a moan as her hands hold onto your waist to pull your closer into her. You do get to feel the softness of her hair against your face and the way her long nails now dig into the side of your hips. You're the one who breaks first with a small whine into her mouth that makes her pull away from the kiss.

"...Didn't really pin you as the desperate one of the group..."

You can hear the tinge of venom dripping from her words but you also see past it as the throbbing increases and you pray that she's willing to go a little further than just a heated kiss in a bougie bathroom.

Your prayers are heard as you watch her expression darken; eyes become heavy and her fingers start to close inwards near your navel and then dip down into the waistband of your linen pants.

You let out a sigh of relief and you know hopefully, that pressure will lesson the second she makes skin to skin contact. You hold your breath and hear yourself counting down in your head as her fingers dip lower and her nails start to drag against your skin.

Time seems to melt until you feel that soft, warm point of pressure press gently onto your clit and you can do nothing more than let out a strangled moan.

You can sense her smiling at you; just like before. The cat that ate the canary grin. She's literally got you in the palm of her hand and there's no way now for you to back out from Agatha Harkness' power.

This is, without a doubt as you sink back against the counter's edge, where you belong.

She's whispering to you and you can barely hear her over the buzzing in your mind; the rushing of blood to your ears as all of this suddenly becomes very real. This big, bad witch that everyone was wary over and has so much history in unsavory things was literally using the opportunity to rub at your clit.

"That's it, sweet thing...comeundoneformenow..."

More venom mixed with all that sweet wine she didn't even drink and you're feeling yourself fall against her. Brow knitted tight together and your teeth bared as your bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from moaning loudly, she moves her finger faster and collected the slick from between your legs to use as lubricant.

Your brain fizzes out as you sense a sharp ringing in your ears and her words that fly out of her mouth are suddenly crystal clear.

"It's been a long time since I had a trial go like this..."

"Like...what?..."

You can barely whisper through your teeth as you start to twitch; your muscles slowly starting to give out and you feel your orgasm drawing near with each steady swipe of her finger. The idea of you coating her fingers with your cum suddenly fills you with a sense of desire you didn't know could be that intense. You let out a moan and watch through squinted eyes as her mouth opens in a ah reaction; enjoying the hold she has over you.

"This won't save you but maybe that potion will...if we ever get to making it, that is...do you even care? Do you even want it if it means I have to stop rubbing at your-"

And she stops herself then from speaking any further so she can slide her finger down and plunge into you; wet and warm and waiting.

You moan loudly and fold forwards towards her, her hand. You want to feel her so deep inside of you it splits you in half. You don't dare say of of these thoughts out loud but you're pretty damn sure she can read your fucking thoughts because the way she laughs sends shivers down your spine.

She's laughing as you try to gather yourself; try to push through to show her that this is what you need. You didn't realize how difficult it would be now as she, without any fucking remorse, laughs at the way she's got you wrapped around her finger. How she, Agatha Harkness, has you at her every whim.

She could kill you right now and you wouldn't be any the wiser because at that moment, you feel a sudden release of pressure from between your leg. You can feel yourself dripping out, down her finger, into the softness of her palm. No doubt the sleeve of her blazer is wet with slick and sweat. You moan so loud she leans in to shut you up with her lips.

She's sloppy and messy and her hair falls into your face once more; she's breathing heavy and you can feel the perspiration on your own face and in the room.

Her finger pulls out of you and snakes back up one last time, swiping at your throbbing clit before slipping out from your pants.

That hand, those fingers, find your face as she cups it and very, very slowly those fingers start to creep across your cheek and towards the corner of your mouth.

She pulls her own mouth away from yours, hungry and swollen and wet as that wet finger takes its place instead.

You take it just like you take the wine she offered you; sweeter than the red liquid. Sweeter than her kisses were.

The taste of yourself in your mouth; the taste of how she worked to get you there. Soaked and dripping for the witch killer between your legs in the bathroom of the first trial.

[npookie0]

HEY!!! Omg the BEST scenario thought came to me while I was riding on the bus! Doing Ronin’s hair while he’s asleep!! Honestly any of the Li works for this tbh. BUT imagine plaiting, parting, designing, and adding accessories to their hair! It’s actually so perfect

Hobbyist Hairdresser

Woah, your boyfriend is asleep and you're bored and his hair is so fluffy and long enough to braid it... oh no where did those butterfly hairclips came from???

Words: 641

Cws: Spoilers for Killer Chat

You woke up, the sunlight creeping through the blinds and shining directly on your face. With a frown on your face you slowly sat up, Ronin still having his arms wrapped around you like you're his personal plushie.

"Hey Ro..." You were about to wake him up, but then you looked at the clock on the bedside table and realised that it's not even six in the morning yet.

Stupid spring.

You thought and sighed. You couldn't fall back asleep anymore and there wasn't much you could do with Ronin still asleep.

He probably came home late, I won't wake him up so early.

They should give you some sort of reward for being the best possible partner, many would wake up their partners if they were in your shoes. And maybe you should aspire to be like them, because after ten minutes of just sitting you got extremely bored.

You started to pat Ronin's head, brush your fingers through his hair and just playing with them. Your mind started to create images of Ronin with different haircuts. Those visions were truly interesting.

"Mm, why is his hair so fluffy?" You murmured and stopped playing with the plum strands between your fingers.

You looked around the room and then you saw them. Laying on the bed strand right next to you, your hairclips, hair ties , bows and a comb. A sinister idea popped into your mind and it was too late to get rid of it.

He may be asleep, but I still need to kill my boredom!

So like that you were not trying your best to not wake up sleeping Beaufort and braid his hair in the best possible twin braid known to mankind. Was it a hard challenge? Yes. He moves more than you when you were a child. You had to switch the sides you were braiding whenever he changed his side. And he did that a lot.

The braids weren't the prettiest or the most perfect things you've ever made, but other than Ronin moving in his sleep every five minutes, his hair isn't the longest either, braiding it is hell.

But you somehow made it work, parted his hair into two semi-even halves, then each part into three really small sections and began braiding them, middle through right, right through left and so on until you made something that looked like a braid. You put a red bow around the hair ties you used for the braids for the pretty aesthetic. Then, you slowly started putting the pastel butterfly hairclips into his hair. How did you even get them or when did you even took them to Ronin's house? No one knows, maybe it's just fate that put them in that exact place... Regardless!

Once you've put the last hairclip in his hair and was about to move your hand away, he grabbed you by your wrist. "What do you think you're doin', baby?" He asked. His voice hoarse.

Normally you would gasp or yelp in shock, but now? You could only giggle. Seeing the most wanted serial killer in all of Elysium with cute hairclips in his hair? It was way too funny.

"Nothing." You replied with a cute smile.

"Yeah, yeah. Nothing my ass. Guess I hafta see it for myself." He grunted and got up, letting go of your wrist.

Ronin walked up to the mirror in his room and busted out laughing when he saw your creation. "Oh my fuck. No way!" He held himself by his stomach and laughed. "Damn darlin', never knew you were such a great hairstylist." He shook his head in disbelief. "What's next? you'll dye my hair? Or maybe cut them?"

"Why not both?" You replied with a cheeky smirk.

"Oh you dare devil. Be careful or I'll take ya up on that offer, sweetheart."

A really short drabble but it's 11 pm and I wanted to write somethin' quickk

Teehee

Love you all

Nate <3

[lilangeldeath]

Things I have successfully manifested into 3D

you can believe me or not. i really don't care. i'm in my idgaf era bc when you care too much about what others think, your manifestations will fail because you're giving your power away. that's my personal belief. i will put what came in the 3D and then an example of the desire i persisted in parentheses next to it. these are from various time periods, but all have happened within the past 2-2.5 years once i started actually getting the hang of it all.

four of my friends ("i have mature, caring, loving friends that love me for who i am")

three no contact friends that had drifted out of my life, not from animosity but i missed them (same affirmation + "[insert names] are my close friends and we are always talking" + "[insert names] and i have such a deep connection as friends")

exposing people in my life who were bad for me in some way: trying to use me, manipulate me, lie to me, or just were bad people in the sense that they were toxic and bad for my life because even if they were nice to me, the way they lived their lives were toxic immature messes ("all secrets and lies are instantly exposed to me, no one can hide anything from me, i always know. all manipulators and toxic people are instantly exposed to me for what they are")

job interviews ("every company wants to interview me, they fight over me, they all want me to work for them")

escaping my abusive ex ("i have a safe place to live where my ex cannot bother me any more. i am permanently free of my ex for the rest of my life and now it's my time to shine")

keeping my job when i should have been fired multiple times for attendance, about 5 or 6 times, i had a period of time where i kept repeatedly getting seriously ill, people were passing away, other major life changes and impacts etc it was like the biblical plagues fr and at that time, the company i worked for did not care when those types of things happened to others and would give them the boot in ways that were really messed up ("the people at my job genuinely care about me, want me there, and they know i'm not lying about my life circumstances and will let me get away with whatever i need to in order to heal, rest, and come back to work")

a glow up that changed me from medium pretty/medium noticed to having people in my 3D rave about my beauty and personality ("i am so alluring and beautiful. i am so interesting. i am so magnetic and charismatic. people love looking at me and talking to me. people find me so intriguing and mesmerizing. my beauty sticks in peoples minds like a work of art")

here's my thoughts on how i did this and what i learned about manifestation through the hard and good times:

i really had to dig deep into my self concept and get out of a lack mentality. the lack mentality, fear, and anger led me down a path of things getting worse and worse. my old self was very obsessed with spending a lot of time angry about how hard i was trying both in the 3D and 4D yet things were only getting worse. i had convinced myself back then that there was no point in doing anything other than the absolute bare minimum to stay alive, and that oftentimes there wasn't any point to doing that either.

i feel like i went through a trial by fire, tested again and again to see how strong my faith was, being tested by my own self. i had to find a way to understand my 3D and 4D from my own perspective, as the whole "you cause everything in your 3D, you bring everything upon yourself" was the most annoying mentality i kept seeing when trying to learn about manifestation, as i think it's a chronically online and privileged point of view for out-of-touch people who have never experienced things like systemic poverty, sexism, racism, SA, abuse and more. i was tired of seeing egotistical and narcissistic manifestation content creators go on and on about how everyone is them, and how everything revolves around what they think is the right way to do things. the constant solipsism of victim blaming and lack of empathy for others. there is no right way. that is why i always say something is MY personal belief, not the standard or the rules.

yes i'm aware i keep talking shit on here. and i'm doing so because the vast majority of manifestation content had me so in a tizzy with how hypocritical and contradictory it was that it made me go nuts just trying to follow along. i'm not the type of person that can go along with woowoo shit that makes no logical sense. that's just not me. i am deeply spiritual but also deeply scientific. i believe manifestation, creation, whatever you want to call it, has to do with quantum physics and quantum entanglement, but that's for another post.

you really can create anything you want in your 3D as long as you make it be in a way that makes sense to YOU. for example, i personally choose not to manifest money in ways that seem over the top to me. i grew up in poverty and so affirming things like "i'm so rich, i'm a millionaire, i'm one of the wealthiest people in the world" was so annoying to me because i'm an anti-capitalist and i'd rather spend my time manifesting jobs and opportunities than try to convince myself that i'm a millionaire when i think rich people are inherently evil by nature, because through capitalism the only way you can get rich is by exploiting the less fortunate. that's an example of how i see things.

i don't dislike goddard's work, and i do truly find some of his work very useful and enlightening, i just wish so many people would stop trying to treat him like a cult leader or messiah. he didn't invent manifestation or the law of assumption. these things have been present in every single religion since the beginning of time. it's just new age rebranding of ancient cultures across the world. it's taking a bunch of different cultures and cherry picking them and putting them together to make money. it's like saying L Ron Hubbard invented the idea of reincarnation and that Gerald Gardener invented witchcraft. not saying that everyone who likes/follows the teachings of goddard do this, but from what i've seen in my personal life, many do. the power doesn't come from goddard, it comes from you. and you would have figured out that power anyways even if you never read goddard. we have been manifesting/creating since time immemorial and it's how our species evolved in general. that's my personal opinion. like i said, i find some of goddard's work very helpful and strongly resonates with me, but i think too many newbies get caught up in him like a cult leader and don't truly have any faith in themselves.

my issue in my old self was that i had no faith in myself OR in anyone else. i got tired of doing vaunts, scripting, void state, shifting, writing things down 99 times backwards and forwards, all those other things. it just got annoying and felt like i was being a psycho like jack on the shining writing "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" over and over. it was just turning into madness instead of me facing what my real problems back then were. and i see a lot of that on here and other sites. you have to be able to get over yourself and grow up. i learned that the hard way, and i'm being harsh in some of what i'm saying to hopefully "break the glass" of illusion on anyone who may be struggling with the same things i did. i am no point of authority or leader of any kind, i just want to share how i think and what worked for me.

i am going to be posting some affirmations and tips that have to do with wavering, persistence, 3D vs 4D etc. and I honestly don't like to use a lot of the buzzwords but what I call these things is very private to me and it will be easier for others to read and understand if i just use the buzzwords. thanks xoxoxo

[fallen-w1ngs]

'' flower shop of feelings ,,

[ 03 : distractions ]

|| pairing : james "bucky" barnes x florist!reader

|| warning : very VERY brief encounter with a gun , mission but barely talked abt

|| wc : 2.5k

The next couple of weeks went by like normal, or as normal as they coule. Both you and Bucky would text each other, sending small ‘good morning!’ texts as well as ‘goodnight’ ones. It made Bucky act as if he was a highschooler again, his heart all giddy every time a notification popped up on his phone- sure, he didn’t have a phone back when he was a teen but hush.

He really did enjoy texting you, it was definitely the highlight of his day.. But the more you texted, the more.. Attached, he's grown? Didn’t help that you’d both go out for coffee at least once a week. It was harder to hide himself from you, hide the fact he was living in the Avengers Tower, that he was.. Well, seen as the Winter Soldier.

You were just so sweet. Kind. He couldn’t tell you, his past was a literal nightmare. He’d done terrible things and-

“Hey, soldat, Steve, Sam and I are going to a museum, wanna join?”

“Why would I wanna go to a museum?”

“Maybe ‘cause you’re ancient,” Natasha snickered before shaking her head. “We’re going there ‘cause we got a tip that somethings going to go down. Might be big, wanna join?”

As much as Bucky wanted to say no and just lock himself in his room, he knew Steve would just try to drag him out. So, instead of fighting it, he nodded and sat up. Plus, maybe this could distract him from you.

–

In some “undercover” clothes, the four of them were walking around a museum, one that showed off arts and sculptures. Maybe in another life, Bucky would’ve found it interesting. But, they were just pretending to be enamored by the statuettes. No, they were on guard due to the fact they had gotten a warning from anonymous that some suspicious activity was going to go down. It could be some sort of drop-off of a weapon, magic shit, or maybe just stealing some art. Who knows?

Bucky stood besides Sam as they stared at some giant piece of art, it was a painting. A really well done one, actually. Oil painting of some sort of landscape with a bunch of people, the colors matched, the composition was wonderful, and the story behind it was deep.

“Think something’s actually gonna happen today, or just bad intel?” Sam kept his eyes ahead, as if analyzing the art in front of him.

“.. 10 bucks says something’s going to happen”

“10 bucks says it’s bad intel, I mean c’mon, it’s a Wednesday”

“What’s so not important about a Wednesday?”

“Why couldn’t it be on a Friday?”

“Maybe the bad guys were busy on Friday.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and just rolled his shoulder. “I’m gonna go over down the hall, check out the statues and make sure nothing’s going down.”

Bucky nodded and went back to looking up at the painting. Admiring the bumps and parts of the painting where the paint seemed to clump. Real pretty.

He turned from the painting and went the opposite direction of Sam. But the second he started to walk, he froze. Either this is a terrible coincidence or God wants to mess with him. Standing a few feet away from him was you. Shit shit shit! He can't be distracted by you. In a small panic, Bucky started to walk back, a few steps before he turned around and bumped into something.

Shit, all that ‘training’ went to shit, he bumped into a trashcan. Making a loud clatter noise, drawing everyone's attention, including yours. Now where was Sam in all this? That bitch was recording everything.

“James?”

Shit.

He turned slowly around, tugging at his hood and hiding his forehead. “Hey, [Name]..”

You just giggled at the strange coincidence that Bucky was here. In fact, you didn’t even mean to come to the museum today, a buddy of yours that worked there invited you to go, and since you didn’t have to open up shop today, you agreed! Funny how fate works! “What’re you doing here? You here with a friend?” You glanced around, it didn't seem anyone claimed to have gone along with Bucky.

“Admiring the art.” He let go of his hood before pushing his hands into his pockets. He couldn’t say that he was actually on some Avenger mission. You still didn’t know he was the Winter Soldier. And he wanted to keep it that way.. “What’re you doing here?”

“My friend just invited me, she works here, kinda just spur of the moment!” You scratched the back of your head as you looked up at the painting in front of you. “Plus, I didn’t have to open shop today.. Kinda a free day today.”

Bucky nodded and shifted in his spot. His eyes darted from you and back to the painting, just because the two of you have been texting for the last month didn’t mean he knew how to talk to you like a normal person. I mean, he was a good speaker back then right? He could.. He could try to act like that again, right?

“Hey! Since you’re alone.. And I’m alone, wanna.. Be alone together?” You shrugged, shifting your weight from your toes to your heels. Rocking front to back as you asked. “As cheesy as that is.”

The super soldier besides you looked over your face for a brief moment before looking around the hall. Looking for Sam, who was currently pretending to be interested in some sort of old statue. Bucky was sure he’s going to ask about who you were later, God, he’ll need to make up a lie.. That’s not even what he should be worried about, he should be worried about the damn mission they were on!

Your eyes softened as you looked up at his nervousness. Bucky was an.. Awkward person, but it was part of his charm, that’s why you like him. “Or, I could walk away, meet you back up later, and then pretend it’s a coincidence?” You cracked a small smile and kept your eyes on him.

Thankfully, the small joke you made seemed to make him visibly less like he’s about to explode on the spot. He gave a short nod before turning away and walked off. You didn’t mind, he was his own person, and you were yours, but man would it have been fun to be with him instead of alone.

–

The time passed by quickly, every other exhibit, you’d find yourself in the middle of a conversation with James. Though, he seemed to be on guard more and more each ‘coincident meeting.’ Again, you didn’t mind.

“Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s wonderful people are trying to be more- communicative with their mistakes with their partners, but seriously, I’ve gotten like 15 customers this week who wanted to buy a basic rose bouquet as a sorry present!” You tugged at your hair as you complained about work. Bucky didn’t mind, though, he’d rather listen to your voice than his. “I swear, if I get one more customer ask what’s the best type of flowers for apologizing to their partners for sleeping with their best friend, I’m gonna lose it!”

“It’s that common?”

“Uh, yeah, people are such assholes nowadays, can’t find a decent person to date, y’get desperate, then yeesh! You’re stuck with some asshole!” You waved your hand in the air as you brushed what you said aside. Truth be told, you hadn’t gotten into a relationship in the past.. Maybe 2 years? Even then, it was always casual. “That’s why I–”

RING! RING! EMERGENCY! EVACUATE TO THE NEAREST EXITS!

The blaring alarms cut you off as red lights danced in your vision. There were people screaming and guns firing, it seemed something bad did happen, and Sam owed Bucky 10 bucks. Bucky’s eyes darted towards the sound of the gunshots and started to run towards it, only to be tugged by your hand. Your eyes wide with worry and confusion as to why the hell your friend James was running towards the danger!

“James! What’re you doing?! C’mon, we hafta go!”

“I can’t–”

“Bucky, there’re 6 armed men near Sam and your location, Nat and I are taking care of the other 6” Steve’s voice came through into Bucky’s earpiece. “They’re trying to do a drop-off, some sort of Hydra weapon! Get the briefcase!”

“On my way.” Bucky replied as you stared up at him, your brows furrowed in even more confusion. What the hell was he doing?? “You need to get out of here, it’s not safe.”

“No, we have to get out of here! James, c’mon, you’re not some super he–”

You cut yourself off as your friend shucked his jacket off and blocked a bullet that was flying both your ways.. With his arm. A sleek, black metal arm. That’s when it hit you, that’s why he seemed so familiar. That’s why he was so secretive on where he stayed or not. He wasn’t just James. He was James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier.

“Holy shit.”

“Get out of here, I’ll-” James grabbed a gun from his holestor (Oh my god???) and shot at the ones who were shooting at the both of you. “I’ll find you outside.”

“.. Be careful” You muttered before turning away and running out to the closest exit. You didn’t know how to react, what to do with the newfound information. You felt so.. So stupid, not realizing that James was an Avenger. He lived in the Avenger tower- Oh my god, he was a super soldier.

With shallow breaths you turned a corner and your eyes locked to the nearest exit. You took a breath of fresh air as you felt the cold breeze hit your face, as if the museum was stuffed with smoke. It wasn’t, thank god, the people who arranged the attack didn’t seem to think to use fire power. It’s probably for the best.

As you stepped farther away from the door, a paramedic looked over you, you weren’t hurt, not shot, not even grazed. Thank god for.. James. You still couldn’t wrap your head around it. Whilst you sat on the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for the fight to die down, you pulled your phone out. You didn’t have many contacts, honestly you were.. Pretty alone. Parents? Only mom was left after dad passed. Siblings? An older, pretentious brother. Friends? You were pretty quiet in highschool, only the museum buddy of yours, who was Maria, she’s the one who gave you this death wish of an invite here. Then there was your other friend, who was in fact your neighbor, May and her nephew Peter. Nice bunch, you gave them flowers on their birthdays and they’d bring you some sort of baked good. Ah, but I digress.

Jeez. Maybe you’ll call up May, she’d probably know about this, plus, she told you Peter was an intern at Starks, right? Ah, but.. No, that wouldn’t do much good. He’s an intern, not some superhero. You kept scrolling through your phone for a few more minutes. You didn’t know how well of a promise James’ll keep, especially with him fighting people with.. Super weapons or something, but you stayed. Hoping he’ll keep to his word and try to find you.

After a long while, you heard claps and cheers from the citizens as the four of them brought all 12 of the villains out of the museum. They seemed hurt, but not to the brink of death, thankfully. The Cap was quick to hand them over to the police to take care of as the citizens slowly dispersed. People knew all about the hero's life, hearing it on the news and such, it was hard to be an Avenger. So, they needed space.

You waited as the crowds grew smaller before you took a few steps closer, holding your arms closely as you stood to the side. Watching as your friend's eyes darted around. It was amusing. Despite just saving a bunch of people, including yourself, he was still awkward.

“[Name].” He muttered, his voice light as a breath of fresh air as he spotted you. His shoulders seemed to sag in relief as he walked towards you. He should definitely be headed to the Avengers Tower, but right now he needed to make sure you were okay. “Are you hurt? They didn’t get you, right?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, James, I-” You let out a small breath and placed your hands on your hips as you looked over at him. He had some blood on his jacket, some scratches on his face.. And that arm. Oh, wow, he.. Yup, he had a metal arm. “You.. Never told me you were an Avenger.” The corner of your lips tugged into a small smile as you chuckled.

He mirrored your smile, relieved at the fact you didn’t seem upset, or even the smallest bit scared. “You never asked.”

Your nose crinkled, “I asked what your job was, you said–”

“That I work as security.”

“Security for the whole world, James!” With that you started to laugh into your hand, this was unbelievable. This awkward man who’d stumbled into your flower shop looking for a gift for his friend was James “Bucky” Barnes.

“Sorry for keeping that from you, I just-” He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “I liked that you just knew.. Me.”

That made your heart melt. Everyone in the world knew James as “Bucky” or “The Winter Soldier.” The only people who knew him differently was Steve, only because he knew him back in the 40s and was his best friend and.. You. You knew him as James, and as much as the name felt weird, it felt right in your lips.

“Don’t apologize,” You hit your fist against his non-metal arm in a playful manner, an understanding smile on your face. “I get why you didn’t tell me. I’m not upset over it, if you’re worried.”

A small smile danced on Bucky’s lips and he nodded. “You’re too sweet.”

“Nah, I’m just a good friend.”

“Friend.” Bucky repeated to himself and nodded again. Oh he loved being your friend. He honestly thought the only friend he’d ever have would be from the Avenger Tower, and that’s only because they were Steve’s friends. “Ah, uh- I should probably-”

He pointed over to where Steve, Natasha and Sam were talking and you immediately understood.

“Oh! Yeah, no you go do that-”

“Thanks, uhm-” He stepped back and hesitated to turn away. “I’ll, uh, text you?”

“Yeah- Yeah!”

“Cool.” He nodded and turned away, the corners of his usually scowling lips quirked up as he repeated to himself. “Cool.”

He approached his team and just blended in nicely, no one seemed to notice him leaving and coming back. Perfect.

He spared you one last glance, as you walked away. Friend.

|| WOOO !! :3 FRIENDSHIP