#I do think as a buddie shipper (lol gross) that them dealing w their interpersonal traumas is a closely linked thing

[starbuckaroo]

Ohhh I already replied to the op here, but I hadn’t seen these gems pulled out before and I can’t help but reblog this again! It also made me think about some spec post 7.09 (but I’m putting it under a readmore coz it does sort of veer away a lot from the original point of the post and I don’t want to super derail things)

It’s been going around and around in my head how strange it is that aside from his fit of jealousy and unsanctioned physicality w Eddie during the basketball game, Buck has been surprisingly steady and apparently mentally stable this entire season. Which imho has just not been earned!!

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to make it feel more fair to both Eddie and Buck, wrt their different traumas, and so part of me wants Eddie to break his stuff down now, post 7.09 I want him to maybe have to fight his parents to keep Chris, to prove to himself that despite his fuck-ups, he’s a fucking good dad and a person worthy of figuring himself out, fuck-ups and all. And maybe getting through all of that intact (with Chris ofc it’s shouldn’t need to be said but, well) would release him from enough of his guilt and shame that a queer awakening would be able to blossom through that without too much trouble.

The only thing is that I think for things to go the best for Eddie (and for Chris), Buck needs to be somewhat stable and not super self-centered during this time. Like I think he would show up for them no matter what, he’s demonstrated that, but I wouldn’t want his bullshit to pull focus. So I’m imagining Buck and Tommy going steady through this, and maybe Tommy stepping back in as Eddie’s friend too sometimes to help out. And then whatever the major big drama w Eddie happens and is over, but before any potential coming out for Eddie, I want Buck to hit a snag w Tommy.

Maybe he realizes they’re having issues, but he can’t figure out why bc he could have sworn that this relationship was different enough from all his previous ones that he shouldn’t have had any trouble! Tommy understands his job and his life and also values the 118 as a found family even!! Tommy is accepted by all of his found family! There’s integration there in a way that doesn’t make his relationship feel siloed off from the rest of the important people in his life! Even Chris likes Tommy!! So why are there still problems for him?

Oh yeah maybe it’s just coz of all the rampaging trauma he’s never really addressed.

Idk what the instigating factor would be tbh bc I DO think that Tommy being a firefighter that gets along well w the 118 and also Chris (and Eddie) DOES fix a lot of the issues he may have encountered with previous partners, but it doesn’t change the fact that he hasn’t ever had to be a full adult and fully share his life with a partner before, hasn’t had to deal with conflict or hurt with a partner in a way that doesn’t shut down his own feelings about something or that doesn’t result in him doing some sort of self-harm about it. The way he responds to interpersonal conflicts is still incredibly immature and deeply rooted in his trauma, and I can see that raising hella red flags for Tommy and/or triggering some latent trauma of his own. So I can’t decide if I want to see Tommy fight w him and pull away and watch Buck try to fight to keep the relationship but fucking fail anyway, or to have Tommy make a clean break of it and leave Buck confused to make sense of the pieces left behind.

But either way I think the relationship w Tommy is an important first step toward a healthy partnership w Eddie bc Buck needs to fucking sort his shit out before he goes anywhere near Eddie. Can you fucking imagine if they got together now and Eddie made a new friend again? Or even just like idfk went to hang out w Linda from dispatch or something? Imagine if Buck dealt w his jealousy in any sort of similar fashion, but within the confines of a serious romantic relationship! Especially with Chris involved!!!

No fucking thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I’m on the buddie train long term absolutely but Buck?? Has not done enough personal growth to earn that spot with Eddie. Not if we are talking also about Eddie needing to figure out his trauma before he’s “allowed” to be with Buck, in any case.

I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is that bothers me about how people talk about an Eddie sexuality arc in comparison to how the bi Buck one is being discussed and I think a lot of it is the tone. Why is it that Buck 'deserves to have a soft, fun time discovering himself' but Eddie 'needs to figure his shit out'? Why does Buck need to have a separate arc* but Eddie's needs to be connected to Buck? There is a very weird undertone in how a lot of people talk about it that is almost malicious, like Eddie should be "punished" for not figuring it out sooner? Eddie is somehow singlehandedly holding his life back and needs to get over himself while Buck needs someone to help him through all his problems (and they are always problems, not issues).

* The funny thing about this is that Buck's sexuality HASN'T been separate from Eddie, like at all.