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butterflyinthewell · 4 years ago

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Dad took some steps today. He needed the therapist right there because he was so off balance that he would’ve fallen without support along with his walker. One of his feet is curling sideways and inward because he hasn’t been putting weight on his feet. That will be a problem and he may need a brace to straighten that out. It’s related to the whole “don’t use it and you lose it” aspect of Parkinson’s disease, and I was afraid of this.

I hope he gets to walk again as much as he could before because he will be stuck in one room for the rest of his life if he doesn’t. I think that’s the one incentive that makes him want to get back on his feet. My fear is he will then proceed to get up at night like he was doing when he got hurt in the first place. He still keeps mom awake till 3 and 4am because she’s a people pleaser who will give until she’s dead. Black hole people like my dad love finding bleeding hearts like my mom.

I’ve told mom to just put her foot down and go to bed, but I stayed up once to see what really happens. Dad whines and complains if mom says she’s going to bed. Suddenly he will want to be put on his bedside commode (which takes forever and then you wait for him to go and heave him back into bed), or he will want a sandwich or just anything that makes mom have to be busy on his behalf until she’s wide awake again when she was sleepy enough for bed before.

Just...AUGH...every good thing always comes with shit right behind it.

I think I’m going to ask my counselor or psychiatrist if there’s a way to screen for ptsd. My mental health is in the toilet and I’m having bizarre dreams and nightmares several times a week. My sleep is disrupted now, and that’s never been a thing for me. I’m constantly hyper vigilant. I’m having anger outbursts and the kinds of thoughts that intrude upon my mind are horrible.

If something happens to mom, I am helpless in all the issues that matter. Food, I can figure out, but I’m worse than useless for everything else. I cannot move dad to his commode or wheelchair, and he needs some support to move onto them. I’m too small, he outweighs me by over 100 pounds.

Most of my bad dreams are things happening to my mom, or there’s word that something happened and I can’t get any info on if she’s okay or not. Another kind I have is I’ve contracted COVID, or someone who comes in to see us has it and spreads it, and I’m the only survivor. Other dreams are the body horror type where I amputate my own body parts with a saw and hand them to people because I feel useless. I had one recently where I literally ran up to Hannibal Lecter with a knife and fork and told him to eat me, but he took the silverware away and wouldn’t do it because “no, you’re not rude.” I said I was, but he wouldn’t do it. I was so angry! I was angry about that dream all day!

I don’t believe I deserve anything good and I don’t see myself as a good person. I don’t deserve help.

I’m scared a lot. Just...I can be sitting here watching a cute kitten video on YouTube or eating dinner and get hit with a wave of fear.

None of this is how my mind usually works. I’ve never been in mortal danger(recently), but I’ve had my routines and life disrupted to such severe degrees that I feel like I’ve lost control of my life, and to me that’s almost the same thing as dying. I’m autistic, and autistic people are more prone to trauma from ‘mundane’ things that a neurotypical person wouldn’t flinch at.

I’m just worried the “not life-threatening” aspect will immediately disqualify a diagnosis.

In June 2019, I went into burnout after home health visits for dad threw all my routines away and they’re still getting destroyed by it because they can’t keep a consistent fucking routine.

July that year was my dad getting his DBS batteries replaced. It was sensory hell because I got my period the day of the surgery and spent the whole time nauseated and cramping, but being silent about it...only to get called selfish and horrible for mentioning how bad I felt after we were all home again. (Outpatient surgery)

September 2019, mom’s gallbladder almost blew up and she was rushed to the hospital. I was alone with dad, without warning, and had to function using emergency reserves that I didn’t have because I was in burnout. I ran around terrified that any mistake I made would get me screamed at by both my dad and sister. Mom was out of the house from Friday to Tuesday. Dad did nothing but demand and demand from me and yelled at me for melting down. I was almost out of meds and for awhile didn’t know if or when I would get them. I had to grocery shop with sister’s help and she kept getting upset at me for arranging the cart like mom did, and I ended up forgetting things I needed even though I had a list right in front of my face the whole time. I was that out of it.

An aid had to come bathe dad because mom couldn’t do it for at least six weeks. That happened whenever someone could come, so dinner, my showers and mom’s ability to do things were disrupted by waiting for the call that the aid was coming. Coverage only lasted six weeks and then the help was yanked the second mom was declared fit to lift more than 5 pounds again.

October 2019, our car died and so routines got thrown further out of whack because mom and I had to depend on friends and family for rides to grocery shop or go to church. Trips stopped being at a set time and turned into “whenever someone can drive you” so I was uprooted from my day with little warning, and we didn’t get a new car until early December.

December 2019: We Christmas shopped late because of the car bullshit, mom barely got the cookies baked in time, and it was just a super stressful Christmas season.

I struggled through the death anniversary of my dog because that year he was gone as many years as he had lived and I spent most of it in a disassociated state.

Then mom had her bowel obstruction the day after Christmas and was in the hospital from Friday to Sunday. Yet again she was gone and the routine was blown apart without warning. My sister gave me shit the first time I wore my new ear defenders to the grocery store. Dad did nothing but demand and demand from me when I had nothing. I ruined a dinner that I didn’t know how to cook and went hungry but made him eat leftover ham from Christmas.

January 2020, the COVID shit started on the news.

March 2020, I went to the grocery store with mom and shelves were empty like a nuclear war was coming. I was terrified that I would catch COVID and kill my parents by passing it to them. Church closed. Stores opened for senior hours at butthole o’clock in the morning. Weekend routines were destroyed. Choir practices stopped. More routine disruptions.

August 2020, I started having anniversary distress related to what happened to mom the year before.

Then dad fell and broke his hip. I still clear as day see him in his blue shirt, sitting on the stair chair, being pulled backwards out the front door by paramedics with the ambulance lights flashing red and blue under the midnight sky and white street light.

Late September, as I’m struggling a bit with the anniversary of what happened to mom, worrying about dad getting COVID and beginning to relax because “dad is going to be away till he can walk again...” there comes that phone call from shithole New Orange Hills saying they’re sending him home and we find out they lied to us about every promise they made.

October 2020, dad was brought home and now he’s laying in an electric bed in the family room where mom can hear him if he needs her.

Writing that down has me realizing I’ve been experiencing almost continuous upheavals to my routines. Routines give me a sense of safety, and every time things settle something else throws it all to shit again.

So either I have ptsd or I’m possibly developing it, and I’m scared because this seems so ridiculous compared to the reasons other people get it.

#swearing #dad fall drama #disabled abusers #emotional abuse #food mention #tw menstruation #tw pet death

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jcmorgenstern · 6 years ago

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please rant about the second half of COLS and COHF

this ask opened pandora’s box, consume at your own peril

Basically…my biggest problems with the second half of COLS and COHF as a whole is really just…Jonathan as a character really, truly, utterly, and absolutely makes no sense on a very fundamental level. Like I really don’t say this lightly, I spent almost all of last summer trying to piece together a coherent characterization and eventually came to the conclusion that…there wasn’t one, at least that I could see.

(Readmore for length, heavy criticism of the work (obviously), and mention of canonical attempted rape).

So before I jump right in to providing evidence for that uhh slightly bold claim, I do want to acknowledge that Jonathan in COG totally makes sense, even if certain uhh incestuous aspects of his character do make my eyes roll back into my skull. To me, it always seemed a bit evident that the series was meant to end at COG, and the second half of the trilogy was sort of an ad hoc thing that happened after the series kept building popularity and there was demand from the fandom (and the publisher) for content. If taken alone, Jonathan’s character in COG is relatively self-consistent, and I’ve posted before (also at length….lol) about how Jonathan’s character in COG alone is actually a bit tragic, and it’s not until COLS that he truly makes a villainous turn off a cliff. Though the incest is, from the start, #a bit much, we all know that that’s just how CC novels go and, to some extent, ya just gotta roll with it.

The first half of COLS continues to be pretty exciting from a Sebastian Enthusiast perspective–in fact, for me, it’s really what made me fall in love/hate with the character and his portrayal to begin with. And some of the character work in the first half of COLS is actually pretty good!! We have the moral ambiguity of the Jace/Seb bond, Clary being unable to tell to what degree Sebastian in lying, the slightly random, wild, and jumbled snips of his character coming through (vampire threesome, vampire fetish, wearing Jace’s cologne??, fashion whore, messy bitch, shitty poetry writer?? it’s all free real estate) and then he lays out what could have been such an interesting plot!!

All the mentions of the increasing number of demons coming through to Earth is finally being used after being mentioned ad nausea for three whole books!! We’re set up for an interesting, shades of grey antagonist who thinks the ends justify the means and that sometimes a Wee Murder is needed to end an unjust regime (the Clave) without realizing that removing the Clave violently without any real and just alternative will create a power vacuum that invites even worse outcomes!! And the protagonists have to navigate slightly more complex moral issues than “genocide is bad, really!!”

And then…er, no. Like, really no. The entire book does a complete 180 and says no, all that (questionable) character development was a complete lie, all the human motivations you could possibly ascribe to the villain are bunk, he just wants to destroy the world. And not only that, he tries to rape Clary and….yeah no. (I’ll talk more about that later…I have a lot to say).

And for me that was really a massive disappointment. Like, to be clear: it wasn’t that I wanted Jonathan to be a pure uwu soft boi who did nothing wrong ™, or that he would be anything other than an antagonist. But like….a) rape. no. and b) I did sort of want his motivations OR his goal to sort of make sense and follow any sort of reason but honestly…they don’t.

The rationale CC tries to offer is that Jonathan doesn’t understand the meaning of love and wants to bend the world to his will so that it will love him instead. And like….that works to an extent, but then she also very clumsily attempts to make him a psychopath and…

Look.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while you know my feelings on poorly-written psychopath characters but…I’m gonna be real honest with ya here….a true psychopath is, with a very few fine exceptions like the entire population of high-security prisons, super fucking boring. They’re emotionally shallow, both internally and externally, and are usually driven by very grounded and unemotional goals. Winning a promotion. Attaining a position of power. Becoming a neurosurgeon. Having the best lawn in the zip code. “The psychopath next door” isn’t Hannibal Lecter, it’s your shitty boss or that one prick who calls the HOA on you for having your lawn one (1) millimeter over regulation.

And you know what? I’d take a story about Hannibal Lecter, lawn fascist. I’d maybe even take a story about Jonathan Morgenstern, shitty CEO, though honestly that sounds dangerously close to 50SOG so maybe not. Because if written well, the sensational serial-killer psychopath can be genuinely thrilling in fiction.

But honestly in this case?? It doesn’t work. Not even getting into the issue of “are signs and symptoms of psychopathy diagnostic in a child soldier” issue (pro tip: almost definitely not), why does he want to burn down the world? Why does he want to kill downworlders if he is basically one? How does he react to his father’s ideology? Does he even have a consistent ideology? Why doesn’t he stay at home playing Mario Kart?? If you can’t answer any of these questions, psychopath or no, anything he does is literally just not convincing and falls flat.

And now I’m going to segue into my “demon blood as a metaphor for child abuse” rant, which will hopefully segue into my “the demon army and ending of COHF is bullshit” rant, and maybe round it all up with my “you don’t have to have your villain graphically try to rape his sister to convince your audience of teenagers he’s a Bad Dude” rant.

So! Demon blood. So full disclosure, the scene in question is probably my actual favorite scene in COLS and the series at large, god knows why really, but it was actually pretty well-written as a hook for a thread that was totally dropped and never ever ever mentioned again. I’m talking about the scene where Jonathan asks Clary for a strength rune, and he tells her Valentine whipped him as a child with demon metal. His wounds will never heal, and serve as a reminder of the “perils of obedience” which is, quite possibly, the most chilling and interesting turn of phrase in the entire series.

And if you think about it, “wounds that will never heal but hurt constantly” are a pretty canny metaphor for the emotional abuse that shapes Jonathan and his ability (or lack thereof) to relate to others. Valentine never particularly loved or even cared for Jonathan, and used him as a child solider (drop me another ask if you want to know the rationale behind that one, kind of not a lot of space for that here) in his genocidal crusade, complete with brainwashing and pretty obvious physical and emotional abuse. That stays with him, twists the way he views love and truth, and leaves him with a permanently negative view of self and worldview that he doesn’t seem to put much effort into overcoming. To be clear: being abused doesn’t make you evil. But in the absence of love and support and positive role models to help you unlearn things, anger and pain can twist even good motives into bad actions, and lbr, Jonathan doesn’t have an over-abundance of good motives. The real peril of obedience is never questioning what you’re told.

But of course it’s never mentioned again, so like, fuck me or whatever.

The show does a better job of it, and almost directly links Jonathan being Like That to what Valentine, Jocelyn, and Lilith did to him and…does a pretty good job of not woobifying him or dismissing his pain. Him having demon blood is almost completely uncoupled from him being “evil” (or, more accurately, doing evil or cruel things) and is instead his responsibility. What makes him “incapable of love” is that he was never shown love, and what makes him violent and cruel is that he was only ever taught violence and cruelty.

But in the books demon blood is definitely intended a metaphor for psychopathy. “He had the humanity burned out of him because of his demon blood” “he’s incapable of love because of his demon blood”…you get the picture. But considering she honestly doesn’t really hit psychopathy and (to me) pings in more at ASPD (antisocial personality disorder, the DSM-V approved version of psychopathy, with some MAJOR and important differences in diagnostic criteria) or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), I sort of…don’t like how demon blood is directly used as a metaphor for mental illness. And once the demon blood is gone…poof! so is his “evil” so uhh yall read between the lines with me on that one.

(If you want a rant on why I think book Jonathan fits better with ASPD or NPD than psychopathy, drop me an ask, but god please consider the consequences. Also, I generally don’t feel comfortable “”diagnosing”” villains for the hell of it, but in this case since the canon itself has already Gone There and I’d be operating mostly off the DSM, I’d feel slightly less shitty about it).

Anyway. So what I deeply, passionately, truly hate about COHF is the ending, when the demon blood is burned out of Poor Green-Eyed Jonathan and There Is Not Enough Good In Him So He McFucking Dies. What fucking enrages me about this is like…the ENTIRE series is about how “blood doesn’t equal morality” EXCEPT in the case of this one guy apparently because fuck him and fuck consistency!! Also on a slightly different tack it completely erases all culpability of him as a person and like….what, “the demon blood made me do it” is now a viable excuse?? what the fuck. no. what the fuck. also what does “not enough good in him” even MEAN in the context of someone who LITERALLY DESCENDED HIS MOTHER’S BIRTH CANAL THAT WAY oh my god its??? so fucking stupid and the philosophical implications ENRaGE me especially like.,,,as a geneticist….we kind of had a wee run-in with that kind of thinking….it was called “eugenics” you may have heard of it….G OD !!!

Also that doesn’t even get into the contradictory nature of Jonathan’s actual characterization (I use the term loosely) itself like…sometimes his dialogue reads almost like Jace’s, but by the end of COHF he literally quotes Jesus Christ (render unto Caesar’s what is Caesar’s), says “FOOLS!!11!!1!” like….literally once a page, I think at some point dips into vaguely Shakespearean English while violently whiplashing into whatever “ ‘You’re insane,’ said Simon. ‘You’re dead,’ said Sebastian” is?? and is overall an editor’s literal worst nightmare. There is NOTHING driving this character other than pure, unrestrained literary chaos, and absolutely nothing he does or says seems to make a hell of a lot of sense and is designed purely #4 the evulz. It’s just so painfully cartoonish that it physically pains me to read it and yet, here I am, holding the physical (hardback) copy that I own, reading it, and physically shuddering jesus CHRIST

(You did uh, definitely ask for a rant, right?)

OH yeah uhh and to round it all off…the “you don’t have to have your villain graphically try to rape his sister to convince your audience of teenagers he’s a Bad Dude” rant:

Look my friends there’s nothing wrong with Clebastian but there is definitely something wrong with rape and lbr: there’s a lot of it written into this character and his relationship with his SISTER and fuckign thanks!! I absolutely hate it. Apparently, when asked why she chose to include the graphic attempted rape scene in COLS, CC apparently said she “wanted to make sure the audience knew he was beyond saving.”

Look.

When a guy builds a demon army to obliterate the world and everyone in it, I generally get bad vibes. Worse vibes, in fact, than from a guy who tried to rape his sister, though that’s pretty fuCKING bad. The point is, there is absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Seriously, there’s not. And when your entire NYT bestselling fanfic series is based on the incest fetish HP fanfiction, it’s?? proBABly not the best idea to like…include an attempted rape scene between two siblings in a work that already has a lot of UST between presumed or actual siblings because people WILL talk and.,,,can u blame them lol

On a more serious note…female protagonists are so often forced to undergo rape or sexual humiliation as part of a narrative (or worse, for titillation of the viewers–looking at you, GOT and also yeah lbr COLS). Even in the show, which has definitely improved on some weaknesses in the original narrative, Clary is nearly raped by a demon in order to awaken her rune powers. That’s disgusting, honestly, and unnecessary, and you know what? Luke Skywalker didn’t have to face a rape threat to get his powers, and neither should a female counterpart. The show didn’t even ADDRESS this later, or even bring it up at all, and that’s even more upsetting, and part of why I don’t have faith in the WR to bring the concept of a Jonathan-Clary bond in 3b to life in a way that doesn’t make me want to curl up into my epidermis like a chrysalis and never emerge again. (See also: Lilith’s unaddressed sexual assault of Jace, and Camille’s equally unaddressed assault of Simon).

And what bothers me almost more than all this is…it’s not like Jonathan’s creepiness is subtle. He constantly invades Clary’s personal space, makes comments she’s uncomfortable with, puts her in situations she doesn’t like. You could leave it there and I guarantee most of your readership (especially your female/female-aligned readers) will INSTANTLY pick up on the fact that this guy is Bad News and you know what?? Clary isn’t subjected to that bs for….the heck of it?? Not that subtlety is ever the strong point of this series but like…that’s a huge glaring issue and one I can never overlook, and why I’ve honestly chosen to basically Ignore Canon And Do Whatever The Fuck I Want.

In summary: Jonathan was basically shoed in as a) a half-assed foil to Jace and b) a plot device/fix and c) fodder for more incest after Jace and Clary were no longer brother and sister and tbh?? Not entirely here for it.

tldr: jonathan morgenstern is a dumb bitch and no one is valid, more at 9.

#i love a crispy boy #i CANNOT put ths in the tag there is way too much hate #anti tmi #anti cc #like honestly for safety but also bc i do sort of rip into it #YALL ASKED #obvs this is just my personal onion but y e a hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #anyway!!!! i love how i said hiatus and post a like. 2.5k ask a few hours later #but thats them breaks folks #rape tw #rape mention

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lotrewrite · 7 years ago

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8/19 Chat Recap

Same as the previous recap - I'm mostly keeping the comments intact! Putting the more fun/general stuff above the cut:

SNEAK PEEK of the COLORED tarot cards: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/jq1lm3nd64sx9d3/AAC5qUDB6EvTK28tqE1zffExa?dl=0

Playlist: I think we really need an official playlist for this? There's no depression in new zealand, yo ho, come on eileen, istanbul not constantinople...POC crossed with AC Black Flag music...XD Backstreet boys in the 90s! ep. 13 playlist has to be mercedes sosa; argentinian singer who had to go into exile during the dictatorship. I’m Henry the Eight I Am for the Tudor episode, plus Pastime With Good Company someone should make a playlist for all the episodes maybe when we're posting the episodes I'll make a music suggestion post each day :) that way people can suggest songs based on the final version

INTROS:

We should try to split them up semi-evenly, but also depending on who the episode focuses on.

1 – Mick?

2 – [Ray] [proposed]

3 – [Nate] [proposed]

4 – Sara

5 – Jax

6 – Lisa

7 – [Stein] [proposed]

8 – Rip

9 – Mick

10 – Amaya

11 – Jax

12 – Gideon

13 – Len

14 – Sara

15 – Stein

16 – Hosts

17 – [Ray] [proposed]

18 – Amaya

19 – Mick

20 – [Legion] [proposed]

21 – [Legion OR Sara]

22 - Len

Thoughts? There's only one Ray one so far, despite him having several Ray-centric episodes. Not sure what we would switch, though!

General Points:

can O!Len change his clothes? He had a beer from somewhere in ep6 I think, so can he have objects? i think it'd make more sense if he's 'full ghost' so to speak; I think he can't change his clothes or interact with objects until later in the season. As much as I'd love for more dress-up for Len, I think he works best as a ghost

Interesting consistency note: Because Anne gave away the spear piece, her life went to hell. That is a terrifying but wonderful thought. we have something similar with Ching and her history, because she also suffers defeats after her spear piece is gone And technichally the ship in new zealand sinks after they take the piece, too They could have had a chance to change their fates but they lost/gave away the spear pieces and thus couldn't

Stephanie Fisher - we should at the very least give her a shout-out for all her wonderful comments. I vote we give Stephanie some kind of award, not just for the comments, but for ALWAYS catching Damien Darhk's name and correcting it!!!!!

just generally, I really love the snarky Gideon we have. And Jax. I love Jax so much this season. and I even like Stein again! I wasn't a big fan of Ray, but I think we've managed to redeem him as well and Sara is actually the badass captain we wanted her to be

Sara's journey is soooo good. Ray here is isolated, but not so terribly self centered like he was on the show. Like, as the season goes, he goes from being traumatized and lonely, to struggling with his identity, to accepting his identity and...I guess, growing more comfortable with himself and others??

Oh, question: Does Gideon still call Rip Captain Hunter and Sara Ms Lance? Or Mr Hunter and Captain Lance now? I think I went with both of them being called Captain

MaryWisdom might just do a German translation; DaughterOfScotland can help

just checking, we're all having Queen Bee use the amulet for her powers, right? Yes

Episode 9 Turncoat was my favorite canon ep and I feel like it only got better Jax and Amaya were so much better here than canon's "cuddle for warmth pwp" I feel like the rat sequence in ep 9 is actually a really great lead-up to episode 10 btw since we're talking about Ray, I really hope somebody makes one of those little things that fly across your screen with Ray and his rocket boot, and maybe the poor rat too XD

Episode 10 Because ep 10 was /also/ AMAZING that intro sequence was gold from start to finish There was so much world-building, character-building, and humor I really liked the villain sequences too There's some great exchanges there! The interactions were really in character! Oh, and the Amaya sequences with the British? PERFECT I love how Amaya continues to question her own knowledge and keeps evolving it was just such a fun ride honestly I think the lead up to Ray using the cold gun worked too? Oculus!Len giving it the tacit OK was such a balm Len is SO BORED he just wants to see Ray totally fail and laugh and Ray screwing up just worked so well as symbolism for his identity struggles also, I am so sad this isn't actually visual/audio because now I want someone to put together a short clip with the Waverider flying away, then pan down to a ship and you hear the "yo ho" song

Episode 11 I'm a bit bummed we haven't been able to fit in Stein singing, but I'll look over it again and maybe we can find a spot Maybe we could get that into episode 11? I've had there's no depression in new zealand stuck in my head for almost two days now btw episode 11, any more comments, or should we go back to it next week once people have had a chance to look it over? prob the best to look at it again tbh

Episode 12 OH MY GOD 12!!! THE TERROR! it was so good KAKO YOU MADE ME SCREAM literally, my phone rang during the Mick scene and I legit screamed the way you worked in the movie references so organically was genius THE LEN REVEAL WAS PERFECT was the ending scene of 12 okay? the scene with Mick and Sara I liked it a lot that was beautiful I knew I was gonna love this episode the moment it was pitched, but you exceeded all my expectations <3 so well done it's perfect That episode is definitely going to turn heads. It is very different compared to the rest and will stand out! perfect for the mid-season finale Is there a way we can make it a real mid-season finale? aka not post for aday or two afterwards? Well, if we start posting on the 1st and it's 22 episodes, with a month of 30 days... if we started on Sept 4 and posted every day, I think we'd end up with it falling on a weekend Sept 4, posting every day, would make 12 fall on a Friday We could then restart the next Monday

Episode 13 I LOVE THE INTRO I like the "did you learn that in school?" mention. Because the history classes suck yes that is a GREAT cold open the episode was really powerful also, the umbrella scenes were hilarious it really was, the tension followed throughout and was quite perfectly cut through with the UTTERLY FLAWLESS umbrella scenes Also, bitching Legion. This is great, seeing as we want them to implode also: the Len and Gideon scene <3 basically everything was fantastic i know we need to add the rip intro scene, but is there anything else you think we should work on? there were a few suggestions, but those are already in the google doc - overall I think it was an incredible episode, and you guys should be proud - you dealt with a really heavy topic really well Quick question to eisode 13... the Spanish they all got the pill, but we kind of wanted to show the other side of it, like what it sounded like to the woman at the bakery Like the Legends go into the bakery - then we see the woman working inside and it's from HER perspective, and there's spanish dialogue and then it switches to english and we're back to the Legends POV If you wanted it from the woman's POV, maybe start the scene with the woman? as in, she's working inside the register, and then some guys come in and buy stuff and then stay with her a second as they walk out and she's kinda wondering what's up, then shrugs and goes back to work then we jump back to the Legends talking in English she picks up on Mick being distracted by something that's not there i keep craving churros every time I look at this episode I loved how you guys mixed in the light-hearted scenes in with all the heavy stuff yeah it was really well balanced RIP EXITS, PURSUED BY MICK!!!

Episode 14 Sara saves the timeline with a threesome XD nuff said LOVED the bit where Amaya realises that Sara is dancing with the King! So fitting, too, because of my episode following with all the Shakespeare :D I think... I think I didn't actually mentioned an abberation? Just the spear piece rip found there Alternatively Rip is using his Time Master skills to find a piece before it ever causes an abberation That was what I was going for. He finds it, or thinks he did ooh. i like that. but if it is that then i don't think you should mention the witchcraft rumors The rumors that she bewitched Henry had been around for a long time already. Thy say that tht's the reason he left his wife and Rip thinks it's related to the spear piece but it's just generally people being shit can I just say, I really loved all the scenes with Amaya and Jax? seconded My only thing to add is, and I think I mentioned that in the comments, that it would be great if you could fit the Legion in somewhere Yeah, I agree with you. I'll put it in that they arrive late and Len is like "I got this", I think Before I forget: can I suggest Sara to narrate the intro? the last one she did was ep4

Episode 15 basically Kendra's Old West incarnation and the New York Riots incarnaton exist at the same time OW!Kendra doesn't have a name, so she *could* be Josephine from the NYR 8 years prior and that would make that Carter Hannibal but then her Carter should be named Hannibal, not Shay :( his name could be Hannibal and then he goes by Shay Or he could've changed his name when they moved out west due to being wanted under his old name Just... don't explain it. Leave it for the reader to figure out. And wonder :P (for what it's worth, I thought 15 was delightful and SO GOOD at actually USING history the way a time travel story should) More next week

Episode 19 I could knight Ystina! that would be AWESOME!

#episode 9 #episode 10 #episode 11 #episode 12 #episode 13 #episode 14 #episode 15 #recap #fanart

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thecreaminhiscoffee · 7 years ago

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Out of all my muses - and I’ve said this before, I think - Jessica is the most possessive. She will often think of people as hers and is most likely to react to things in that way in regards to the dash (as a meta-source). In the context of threads, this simply makes her more protective in regards to some characters than she is of others. This does not just extend to significant others - it’s on something of a two-tier effect. Although it is especially true for them (Roger, Scully), it is also true for people who would be in a companion (not friend, Jess hates that word, so we do not use it) category as well (Shadow, Bruce). Sometimes you have characters who are in-between the two (Alana, Eddie, Dolores, Eleanor), and there are, of course, characters who may potentially end up in one of these categories as well (Eris, Amelia, Dawn, Freddie, others, but those are the ones I where the potential is strongest now). This is a different sort of reaction than the protectiveness she has for children (which is mostly based on their being adorable and cute and innocent) and is more a protectiveness of the relationship (although it includes being especially protective of the person as well). I will address it this way - even when they were married, Jessica always knew that Roger could, at any moment, leave her. In fact, she would have understood if he had. As a comedic Toon, Roger is an upper echelon, a higher tier, and Jessica, as a porn Toon, is the lowest of tiers (strictly speaking in a ToonTown USA sense). She knows full well that their relationship is not approved of and in fact looked down on because Roger deserves better. And could do better. Love does not factor into this. It’s an insecurity thing. ...and, yes, I will completely blame Haruko for this (although it runs much deeper than that). If we look at Jessica’s history, any time she has been remotely secure, it’s been taken away from her. We can start earlier than Haruko and talk about her first job and her first few weeks of life, which she greatly enjoyed, and the subsequent downfall (due to the laws of the time related to Toons of her Purpose) followed by Dog-Eared Dick’s comment on the quantitative limits of happiness per person. But Haruko is more important. Haruko comes after and gave a sense of security and love that Jessica had never had or felt up to that point. Ever. (At least at this point, as I haven’t delved into how I’m using Sid Sleaze and still need to elaborate on Haymarket Hector.) --actually, let me take a side note here and talk about Haymarket Hector, who I’ve mentioned but haven’t extensively detailed out because the specifics are still up in the air - but this is the point. Haymarket Hector took Jessica’s naivete in the first few months of her life, set himself up as someone to be trusted, and once she did, subsequently set her up to convince her owners, in what little power she had, to sell her to the DeGreasy Brothers. Now, no, this is not the first betrayal, but is the first personal betrayal. This is a smaller level. Haruko is, definitely, a much larger scale than Haymarket Hector is partially because it is a much more intimate setting but also because, at this point, Jessica would think she learned from that. It is far worth noting that Haruko’s disappearance did not hurt so much as learning that she, like Hector, intentionally set Jessica up, intentionally earned her trust, intentionally got her to love her, for her own purposes and when that was done she threw her away. So, at this point, you have three very systematic, very intentional breaks of her trust on an increasing scale - legal, personal, intimate - which is where you get the first real Default (because she was only in half of one after Hector). You will also note that this leads in part to 1) a critical and far less trusting nature but also 2) a constant fear that she will be betrayed again, which leads to her leaving first. Constantly. If we look at Roger as a primary example, she left him - refused to communicate with him, had nothing to do with him - multiple times, at least three within the first two years that they knew each other (primarily during her time with the DeGreasy Brothers) and likely more than that (although that arena was less explored). But what does this have to do with possessiveness? Jessica has a very low esteem of herself in relation to others. She expects to be the lower tier because she knows she is a lower tier. If it comes between her and someone else, she expects the other person to be chosen. Every time. But the more important another character is to her, the more protective she is of that relationship, the more determined she is to not be discarded, and the greater the fear that, eventually, she will be (because, again, she does not expect that choice. She know who she is, she knows the past, and her past tells her not to expect good). It’s not a clinginess. Jess is not clingy. She could be, but she wasn’t drawn that way. ��She is simply deeply insecure (for good reason) and has no reason to believe that the other character is not intending her some sort of harm. Roger, Eddie, and Dolores certainly helped with this (as did Eleanor, perhaps most of all, other than perhaps Roger), which led to the potential of security in relationships but they had years upon years upon years to do this. She had time to believe from constant and consistent proof that they would stay and that they valued her more (comparitively - Roger placed her first, but Eddie, Dolores, and Eleanor certainly didn’t). The reason Eleanor is so important is that Jessica has proof - a lot of proof - that Eleanor valued her significantly less than a lot of other people in her life. They weren’t significant others, they weren’t friends, and they didn’t necessarily always like each other. But that did not prevent Eleanor from valuing Jessica’s input in relation to her job or from valuing her as a person. Eleanor consistently goes out of her way to protect Jessica, and it’s proven to Jessica that this has nothing to do with her as Eleanor’s property (particularly in At The Seams - although this is subverted slightly later with the whole...granddaughter part of the activists and Eleanor not wanting Jess to succeed because then her granddaughter would be screwed thing). This rebuilds the idea of trust. Which means she can trust and does trust but that underlying fear of being completely discarded in favor of someone else is always there, and even though she knows that in some cases it is not always necessary. This is less likely to come up in threads proper (particularly in At The Seams because she still has both Roger and Eleanor - and this really functions on a scale, so while Roger is alive, she is more concerned with losing Roger and his priority of her than keeping her place as your character’s priority) unless she is aware of another potential priority, in which case this will likely lead to conflict - primarily internal, as it’s not something she would actually bring up. If anything, it’ll lead to the same leaving that was seen with Roger, because the easiest way to protect the self and the potential harm of being left is to leave first. (Honestly, if we want to go with the themes as to how this will show up, we will look at the feeling of being an intruder, which has cropped up from time to time, although with less reason to do so since she’s returned.) ...unfortunately for me, this is even more true of meta-Jess, which means it is more likely to crop up on the behind-the-scenes blog (expositionhastogosomewhere) and leads to constant conflict with me. Jess - even in threads where this would come up - has an issue of comparing herself, and the problem is that sometimes when she wants to compare and call herself the better option (and wants me to agree with her), it is not always the case. Regardless, I’ve found that this particular brand of annoyance (towards me) or conflict (within the context of threads) does not apply to any of my other muses. Whereas some of the others are insecure, none of them have this very specific sort of brand of possessiveness that Jess does. (Hannibal’s possessive, but not due to any sort of insecurity. He’s just possessive...and even then, it’s on a much smaller scale. It’s complicated-- and an entire other meta that, by all rights, should be on his page, not on Jess’s.) --and, yes, this does apply to OC!Jess as well (by nature, it must), but it’s different there. The root cause is different. And it’s less of whatever this is. There is no positive to this. None.

#;ordinary deviation from external reality #;a lifetime of you #;abandoned

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ecoreader · 7 years ago

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Perception Function Development (and Disney Character Arcs) (and also one reason why Frasier is fantastic)

Let’s talk about Disney. Or at least, let’s talk about Disney in a moment. First, let’s talk about post-modern German literature.

A while ago, I read Christa Wolf’s No Place on Earth. Taking place in the early 19th century, it describes the fictional meeting of two Romantic writers: Karoline von Gunderrode and Heinrich von Kleist. There’s very little to it, honestly: the two main characters circle around each other at a fairly boring party, have a few minutes of intense conversation, then go their separate ways.

It really stuck with me, as it is easily one of the best portrayals of Ni that I have ever read. Gunderrode is portrayed as an INFJ (something that can be gleaned from her poetry as well) and the anguish she describes is specific and abstract in ways that are extremely familiar to anyone with high Ni. Her understanding of herself, the world, and Keist (a Fi-dom) is accurate without being omniscient, and it’s woven into her own abstract understanding of her fate and her identity. This, specifically the idea of only seeing the world as it is reflected in and through the self, is the essence of Introverted Perception.

In general I feel that there’s often a bit of a bungling going on when it comes to representing dominant Introverted Perceivers character arcs (or high-users of Pi, for that matter). Introverted perception translates to action fairly badly, which is why we get such terribly overblown clichés as the omnipotent, inflexible Ni-user and the by-the-book high-Si user. When we do get portrayals of Si and Ni, it tends to be from the perspective of high-Pe users, mainly through the development of their lower functions (i.e. Life is grand and great and I’m trapped here there must be more to it than this! There may or may not be a Disney song or two dedicated to this idea).

Disney frequently has its energetic Pe-doms running around looking for a meaning in life, or a home, or the sort of conceptual resting spot that Pi loves to perch on. Pe generally gets a fairly obvious arc: finding a cause to fight for, a home, a family, discovering some fundamental truth about themselves that gives their world meaning.

Obviously there’s some understanding of what Pi does here. But why, then, are Pi character arcs so off-center? Frozen is a good example of a Si-dom character arc, but Elsa spends the better part of the story in the mountains reveling in the freedoms of being alone. Moana, an INFJ, has a greater understanding of the world around her but her arc revolves around her using her dominant function: there’s no Se development. On the other hand, The Princess and the Frog’s Tiana (as a high-Pi user) spends the movie learning what’s important in life, a spin on the usual Pe arc.

This is tragic. We need to see better representations of Pi in media. And not just more wonderfully polished and absurd abstract conversations (though I’m sure we all miss Hannibal), but other visions of Ni.

Specifically, we need more Frasier: a show dedicated to the ramblings of high-Ni but consistently exposing the absurdity of over-conceptualizing the outside world. It did a great job of making high-Pi users human and relatable without diminishing their use of their higher functions. In particular, Niles Crane’s character arc is an excellent example of low-Se development over time, explored through both his subjugation to Maris (Ni cowed by a repressed and neglected inferior Se) and his pursuit of Daphne (acknowledgement and embrace of healthy Se development). Not only are there a couple episodes where Niles clearly falls into the grip, but David Hyde Pierce’s wonderful portrayal also underlined the bizarre and awkward physicality that not-infrequently emerges in high-Ni users.

So, yeah. More of that.

#mbtitag #disney #frasier #niles crane #introverted intuition #extraverted sensing #mbti

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another-fire-emblem-sideblog · 8 years ago

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Okay, so I’ve made a few weird posts under the tag “seliph’s time travel adventure.” I, uh, guess I should contextualize it.

Yeah it’s another long write up I’m sorry mobile users

So here’s the idea; on chapter 6, right after I seize the last castle I set the chapter ID to an earlier, first gen map, effectively going back in time and bringing the second gen characters into the first gen. A few things to note:

A) Yeah, I used my Gay Emblem files. I got lazy, so sue me. Now, I used a save state that was right at the end of the first gen, and I set Sigurd and Quan’s lovers’ back to their canon spouses. In my testing this seems to make the game run normally, but there might be some other effects that I’m not accounting for. Consider this a sequel to Gay Emblem, then.

B) As you might guess, this tended to be... not stable at times. Through some other little experiments I get the impression the fewer characters I brought the more stable it was going to be. So with a slew of cheats I managed to get Seliph to seize the last castle on the map right away, before any other characters were recruited. So this only brings back the four characters you get at the beginning of the map.

C) I ran two different runs. In what I will call timeline A I set Ayra’s lover as Alec and Aideen’s as Jamke, and then went back to the prologue. So in timeline A we’ve got Larcei, Ulster, and Lana. In timeline B the only change I made to couples was to set Sigurd and Quan back with their spouses (so everyone else was still in a same-sex relationship), and I went back to chapter 1. We’ve got Radney, Mana, and Rodelbahn here.

D) Other than setting up characters at the end of the first gen, I did not alter lovers or love growths at all. And I did not keep any lover or love growth cheat active. Any lovers I set up I did so in-game.

All right then, let’s start with timeline A. Prologue starts as normal, Sigurd and his three friends spawn in normally. I had initially thought perhaps going back to the prologue wouldn’t allow me to keep Seliph and his friends

But if I check in the castle, boom there they are.

And they appear on the unit list! Kind of. (Notice how apparently I have two Sigurds.)

Anyway, a few turns in Quan, Ethlyn and Finn show up.

And run into my first, but certainly not last, romance related “uh-huh.” Yeah, second Quan spawns in he decides to ditch his wife for this random chick from the future. That’s... unfortunate.

Other than that mishap, the rest of the chapter goes normally. Onto the next!

Over in timeline B, because I started here, Sigurd (as in, actual Sigurd, not Seliph-That-The-Game-Is-Calling-Sigurd) isn’t on the unit list. Considering that he’s pretty important for a lot of recruitments, this sounds like a big problem.

Thankfully after seizing Marpha, the game magically materializes a Sigurd and plops him here. A similar thing happened to me in my Ridiculously Gay Emblem run. Whenever you have an event that will teleport your lord off the screen, such as Deirdre’s introduction, the game has to put them back, and of course Sigurd’s on the castle where else would he be? There isn’t a Sigurd? We’ll make up a Sigurd we have to!

I would have just expected a crash, honestly, but that’s good too.

Regardless of how timeline B got a hold of Sigurd, now Ayra and Deirdre can be recruited. Nothing could go wrong here.

Yeah. On the bright side, now Seliph will be safe from the Brain Spawn.

And yes, this still happens in timeline A. Actually, speaking of which, I wonder if I can....

Yup.

I did actually attempt to set Lana up with her dad Jamke as well, but she somehow ended up with Lex instead. Darn.

Although for a brief period Aideen was thinkin’ about Lester... who I didn’t even bring back with me. So she’s attracted to her unborn son that she’s never met... it’s like Twilight but somehow even more nonsensical.

Well, don’t worry. She ended up with Finn.

And... Azel somehow. Finn wasn’t even ON the map when she apparently fell in love with him. Also you’ll see she wants to talk to Azel, and their conversation is definitely a romantic one. I- okay. I can kind of explain some of the weird shit that happened, but not this.

Sadly, that’s kind of it for timeline A. Chapter 2 started fine, but crashed once Erin spawned in. So apply some hex-edity magic to skip to chapter 3, right? Yeah, that crashed. If I didn’t get Beowulf and Holyn it would at least start (I could get Raquesis) but Claude and Taillte spawning in crashed it. Okay... skip to chapter 4? Yeah, it worked, but chapter 5 crashed. Urgh. Fine, skip it, go to 6. Okay, it plays... and chapter 7 crashes.

Fuck it, let’s go to timeline B.

Timeline B was much more stable, and I was able to play through most of the first gen. Sadly, they too had to skip Claude and Taillte, but after that the game did not crash. Still had plenty of time to set up some couples. I set up Aideen with Jamke again, Ayra with Dew, Lewyn and Erin. I did run into a bit of trouble though. I tried to set Beowulf up with Raquesis, but-

Oops. Oh well maybe I could at least set Raquesis up with Holyn instead-

...Mana’s milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard.

I was definitely confused about this, but after some experimentation, I think I have an idea what was going on.

It’s hard to see, but Raquesis is on top of Mana.

Also, I noticed that both Holyn and Beowulf can give money to both Raquesis and Mana. Huh. Beowulf being in a love triangle with Raquesis is pretty old hat, but it’s usually not this... complicated.

It seems to me that the game considers Mana and Raquesis the same person, at least as far as love growths go... and they’re also not. Raquesis can’t give money to either one of Mana’s lovers, and she does not have a lover listed. Because she doesn’t have a lover listed, she can gain love growths... but any lover she gains will become Mana’s, because she’s given priority. So Raquesis simply cannot gain a lover with Mana being there; while she can keep trying Mana will just keep stealing them. What a bitch.

Also, this whole “the game considers them the same person as far as love growths go” explains why Seliph stole Deirdre and Larcei stole Quan. Yes, Seliph and Sigurd sit on the same spot in the castle, and so do Larcei and Ethlyn.

Also, much to my surprise, Quan and Ethlyn were able to appear in chapter 5 with no problems. They were at base level and died to Travant even faster than normal, but no glitchiness. (Keep in mind, in timeline B I went back to chapter 1, skipping Quand and Ethlyn’s recruitment.)

Well, okay, there was one oddity. Sigurd got the Tyrfing from his dad... and it was fully repaired. Well, thanks dad. How thoughtful.

(Actually, now that I think about it, Sigurd did repair it before the end of the 1st gen on the first run-through, and item data like uses doesn’t change so.)

Moving onto second gen.

In the cutscenes we have the replacement kids, however once gameplay starts-

Ulster, Larcei, and Lana are outside the castle. Huh.

Don’t worry, our time travel buddies are hanging out inside the castle.

But yeah-

Yeah.

Whatever I encounter a crash, I have to wonder what on earth would cause a crash when THIS doesn’t.

With both the replacement and not-replacement versions of characters running around, the game gets confused. Here, she’s Mana.

And here she’s Lana, but her portrait is Mana’s. (Also, he can only initiate this conversation with Lana.)

Also, the two brothers use Radney’s name. Funnily enough, I can use Larcei or Radney to recruit them, although their conversation will use Radney’s portrait and name. Sadly, you can’t have Radney recruit one and Larcei recruit the other. Like, boys. There’s enough Radney to go around ;)

Oh, and when Lester, Tristan, and Oifey spawn in, two things happen; Mana immediately falls in love with Tristan (it is not reciprocated) and the game can no longer be saved. As in, even attempting to save crashes the game. Again, I was using savestates anyway, but it’s kind of annoying.

Once chapter 7 starts, Seliph and Rodolbahn decide to also jump onto the “immediately fall in love with someone who does not reciprocate” bandwagon. This really sucks for Rodolbahn, because once again Linda absolutely refuses to turn good once talked to. I really don’t know what’s going on there and why it’s a consistent problem. At least I can try; attempting to recruit Lene/Leylia just crashes the game.

Oh and Leif is borked. So I’m gonna have an infestation of Thracian Reality-Warping Dragonwizards (TRWD.) Fun.

And he has yet another, different dad. I swon to John if I keep doing these runs at one point he’ll be his own father too.

Thankfully, the rest of chapter 7 is okay. No weirdness with the legendary weapons. Sadly, for chapters 8 and 9 I have to do my TRWD skip (that is, after seizing the first castle in chapter 8, manually place Seliph on the last castle, set the chapter ID to chapter 10, and seize.) So no Ced (and it was Ced this time and not Hawk. And it was a Forseti Ced too...) no Cairpre, no Hannibal, and definitely no Altena. Asaello recruited fine though.

There’s nothing particularly interesting in the last two chapters, so we turn to romance again. While Mana immediately fell in love with Tristan, this was not reciprocated. So, then could he fall in love with someone else?

Yup. Oddly enough, he would get the castle conversation with Mana and not Radney.

However, inspired by Mana, Radney did not stop here. Question becomes, because Larcei will keep acquiring love points, but any lover she would gain becomes Radney, can Radney just... keep gaining lovers?

The answer is yes, yes she can. As a matter of fact, since making this image, I went back and managed to add Leif, Asaello, and Amid to her husbands.

Although I have to add that the lover listed for her would be whomever she last married, so you could say she’s just leaving behind a trail of ex-husbands. But all those other husbands still had her listed as their lover, and could give her (and Larcei) money, so I prefer to think she (and Larcei) have eight husbands. One of whom she’s sharing with Mana.

As for whether or not Mana and Rodolbahn could also do this... well Mana did it earlier, and there weren’t quite enough boys in the second gen to spare. (I mean, there was also Shannan, but he and Daisy hooked up earlier. I’d have to replay starting from 7, and I don’t feel like it.) I did try to see who I could set up with Ulster/Rodolbahn... but they just refused to gain a lover. I had both Fee and Jeanne sit next to both of them for over 100 turns on multiple maps.. nothing. Rodolbahn never got over Linda, I guess :(

One slight problem... the ending won’t play. I even tried to play it in an unpatched rom. Nothing.

I did eventually hit upon a solution; I let Ulster, Rodolbahn, Larcei, Radney, Mana, and Lana die. It’s a... sloppy solution, but it did work. Oh, and as in a lot of other places, the non-replacement kids use the replacement kids’ portraits, but not the dialogue.

Oh, and even though she was actually married to Shannan, she went with Seliph instead. Damn Seliph. Although this has informally become Polyamory Emblem, so I guess I’ll just say it’s an... arrangement.

I don’t know whether the epilogue crash is due to amount of husbands Radney had, or if Radney just being alive is the problem (I tried just killing off Larcei, Ulster, and Lana and it didn’t work.) But you know what, a ending that doesn’t have Radney and her eight husbands just isn’t canon in my eyes.

So that’s what I’ve got for my weird little experiment in time travel. There are of course many other set-ups I can try, but timeline B is probably going to be one of the most stable.

Now I didn’t try much in the way of traveling into the future, taking gen 1 characters into gen 2. I ran a few tests, and as far as I can tell it’s not nearly as interesting. Although this happened:

There’s that. But, uh, that’ll be another time, if I end up having enough to write about.

#long post #fe4 #fire emblem #seliph's time travel adventure #i break fe4 #(it's so long I'm sorry)#(but I just wanted to get it all out in one part)

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harrisonkitteridge-blog · 8 years ago

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Sherlock Season 4 – TL;DR: The Fanfiction is Better

SPOILERS AND PALATE-CLEANSING FIC RECS FOLLOW

Season 4 of Sherlock was always going to be a tough sell for me, because the moment they revealed “she’s a secret assassin!” I stopped buying the Mary Watson character. It’s what film critic, Mark Kermode, calls the “Meg Ryan is a helicopter pilot/Keanu Reeves is an architect” problem. Amanda Abbington was just not believable to me as a spec ops assassin, and she wasn’t equipped to perform the action convincingly. And all that was before the problems with the story were even revealed. After Mary shot Sherlock, every time she turned up on the screen, my stomach clenched, because, as presented, she was capable of anything – demonstrating profoundly antisocial tendencies: lying, manipulation, self-serving extreme violence, and disregard for human life. Her total rehabilitation was simply not plausible to me and probably wouldn’t have been even if its foundation hadn’t been the unbelievably ludicrous, glib assertion: “That was surgery.” (Not how guns and bullets work!) Watching her subsequent chumminess with Sherlock, whom she shot in the chest and killed (he flatlined), made me feel like I was being gaslighted. In my mind, it wasn’t good enough for her to say, “I only hurt Sherlock because I love John so much I can’t lose him!” Go down to any battered women’s shelter and you’ll hear similar stories of abusers’ rationalisations for beating up the person their property dared to smile at in the grocery store parking lot. Watching Mary joke and laugh with the people she’d victimised so horribly while continuing to marginalise John made much of The Six Thatchers almost unwatchable for me.

I understand that the undercurrent of intimate partner abuse in the Watson family was wholly unintentional, and it reminds me of the criticisms of 50 Shades of Gray. In both cases, two-dimensional characters (“Action Barbie” and “Sexy Troubled Billionaire”) there solely to serve the plot – not function as decision-making protagonists in their own lives – were the problem. (Yes, I just compared Sherlock to 50 Shades of Gray. At least 50 Shades of Gray had the excuse of a novice writer wrangling with the knottiness of a BDSM relationship as an excuse. Moftiss should know better.) Nevertheless, as much as I disliked the Mary Watson character, as much side eye as I gave her and John’s frankly dubious “love story”, I was appalled by Moftiss icing her so Sherlock could figure out he needs to check his ego. She was just there to sacrifice herself for Sherlock after his douchery got a bullet fired at him and to give John something to shake and sob about. The entire storyline of their “strong female character” was essentially a morality play aimed at teaching Sherlock about the dangers of hubris and a fulcrum to lever up the man-tear quotient. Then they turned their BAMF assassin into the benevolent spirit providing emotional instruction via DVD from beyond the veil. *vomiting emoji*

The Lying Detective at least provided relief from all the incoherent punching and shooting and rappelling of The Six Thatchers, even if it brought with it the lazy construct of the hallucinated spouse as an expression of grief (for real, though, the handling of the Mary Watson character and storyline is a masterclass in what not to do – so incredibly misjudged). One of the major issues I have with Moftiss’s writing is their careless, insensitive handling of serious mental health issues. Using auditory and visual hallucinations as shortcuts to say “I’m devastated by the loss of my wife” really rubbed me the wrong way. John wasn’t just talking to Mary in his head or forgetting she was dead, which happens to many people who lose a loved one suddenly. He was seeing her, hearing her – he couldn’t separate her spectre from reality. Those are not manifestations of grief; they are signs of profound psychological disturbance and distress that require urgent medical intervention, maybe even hospitalisation. They could have tied John’s extreme symptoms to sleep-deprivation from having to deal with Rosie at all hours of the night. The sleep-deprivation could have been exacerbated by insomnia brought on by feelings of guilt. But, no. They did it because real grief, presented the way a well-adjusted, middle-aged adult would experience it just wasn’t sexy enough.

I never found the “high-functioning sociopath” line funny, but thought they might take it to an interesting place. What is sociopathy? How does it manifest itself? How would it manifest itself in Sherlock Holmes? Why does Sherlock label himself this way? Was he misdiagnosed (he’s obviously not a sociopath)? Was he self-diagnosed? I don’t think Moftiss ever genuinely considered how having a personality disorder would affect a character’s behaviour outside of giving him funny quirks and making him a bit rude. “High-functioning sociopath” was just there as a clapback to Anderson then as something gangster to say before Sherlock shot Magnusson in the face. They never thought it all the way through. By way of comparison, Arthur Conan Doyle described Sherlock Holmes as a law unto himself, as the final arbiter. He was also called “masterful” – able to impose his will on others. When he chose, he had “an ingratiating quality” and could easily earn people’s trust. He was also an accomplished actor and master of disguise, who was able to fool even his dear Watson. There is a grandiose, manipulative psychology at work there that is knitted together with a deep sense of fair play and commitment to justice. While sometimes churlish and short-tempered, he could be profoundly empathetic. He also had nervous breakdowns, what we call major depressive episodes today, and used hard drugs to self-medicate. Sherlock Holmes’s psychology is full of fascinating contradictions. Everything Moftiss needed was in the original text, but they never got beneath the surface. So, while they’ve hit on some of these traits, they’ve never been fully integrated into a complete character because I just don’t think they’ve made the effort to understand mental illness and related drug abuse. There’s actually an interview of Steven Moffat describing Sherlock as “clinically insane”. The fundamental misunderstanding of what that means is why The Final Problem ultimately failed.

The appearance of the evil, secret sister telegraphed that we were heading into telenovela territory, and I wasn’t surprised by the contrivance of the Maze of Moral Abyss, all those macabre labours for Sherlock, John and Mycroft to perform – a steroidal re-hash of The Great Game. It was like something out of a 90s action film – The Rock meets Die Hard With a Vengeance, and I watched it as such. I half expected Bruce Willis or some other 90s throwback to come bounding in, armed to the teeth, start flinging grenades and just command them to shoot their way out. Even so, The Final Problem was the best of the three episodes this season – at least them spending nearly the entire episode at Sherrinford meant that it was cohesive tonally. I still don’t quite know what to make of them choosing to ground the entire plot – all those games, all those deaths – in Eurus’s cry for help. It is possible to humanise a psychopath within the constraints of their diagnosis. They have inner lives that aren’t limited to the monstrous, but they’re not like us – the emo play is always a loser – you can only out-manipulate them. They have an internally consistent view of the world, and once you understand the rules they follow, you can predict their behaviour and outflank them (it’s the basis of criminal profiling), but you have to empathise with them. Do you see how understanding all that not only helps with characterisation but buttresses the plotting and would have avoided the anti-climax of the ending? Answering the question: “What does Eurus really want?” then having Sherlock, John and Mycroft connive a way to give it to her would have been much more interesting.

The obvious pop cultural point of connection with The Final Problem is The Silence of the Lambs. We all were drawn to Hannibal Lecter – we couldn’t help liking him and felt conflicted about it. At the end of the film when Clarice says she knows he won’t come after her because he would consider it “rude” – now that’s interesting. What is Eurus’s “That would be rude”? My inability to answer that question gets to the heart of my problem with Sherlock – I don’t feel like I understand any of the characters or what is motivating them. Superimposing the tropes of storytelling onto the episodes and trying to read between the lines is the only way to make sense of them. They’ve been building to this Eurus confrontation for literally half a decade, and it still fell flat. They gave her whole backstory, and I still don’t understand her. By way of comparison, The Silence of the Lambs is 2 hours and 18 minutes long, and Anthony Hopkins appears on screen for only fifteen minutes, yet we all understood exactly who Hannibal Lecter was, what he was capable of, what he wanted and why. I’ll grant that The Silence of the Lambs is an unfairly high bar, but it provided a clear blueprint for the complex, charismatic, psychopathic serial killer pulling the strings. At the end of The Final Problem, Moftiss asks us to believe that the answer to Eurus’s “problem” was the love of her family. She obviously coveted Sherlock’s attention enough to murder poor Victor Trevor and set her elaborate stage, but anyone who understands even the basic contours of her psychology knows her shaking and crying in a burnt out house and needing a hug from her brother isn’t how that story ends.

I seriously wonder how much better Sherlock would have turned out if at some point in the last 5 years Moftiss had just googled Cluster B Personality Disorders and spent a few days boning up. They wouldn’t have made such a hash of Mary, and Eurus wouldn’t have been “Female Moriarty Who Lost Her Bottle in the End” – utterly anticlimactic. Or did they do the research, but they just couldn’t give a woman the minerals to be a proper villain?

To be clear: I wouldn’t have many of the complaints I’ve laid out if I hadn’t constantly been told Sherlock is the cleverest show on television. It’s not. It never was. The plotting of the first two seasons got it pretty close to being included in that conversation, but it’s no The Sopranos, no The Wire, no Mad Men. At this point, I’d say any workmanlike police procedural has it beat, hands down. Remember all those arguments about which was the better show, Elementary or Sherlock? Well, Elementary won. And that unsexy police procedural structure is why. The show has an identity, a solid foundation – it’s consistent. Moftiss can’t seem to decide what Sherlock is about, and that’s why so much of Season 4 felt like lurching in and out of a Jason Statham film, a Masterpiece Theatre offering and a Lifetime movie. At least The Final Problem managed to break that pattern. It was essentially the Sherlock Holmes origin story, and it took us back to the ancestral home, back to the first tragedy. Even just visually, we were clearly in Skyfall, which shows that Ralph Jones picked up exactly what Moftiss were putting down when he called them out on the “James Bonding” of Sherlock. (The literary beef that ensued was entertaining, and Jones bodied Gatiss with “The Second Letter” – the cipher in the cipher was the mortal wound.)

The argument about the Bonding of the franchise was really about a lack of depth – the flash of fight sequences over the substance of watching a precise but troubled mind at work – and Jones clearly made a valid point. Gatiss shooting back that Sherlock being a BAMF is canon didn’t address the heart of the criticism. I think the Daniel Craig Bond films are much better than anything on offer in post-Season 2 Sherlock. Even with all the camp, sneering baddies and always slightly ridiculous plots, they never got anywhere near anything as radioactively, intergalactically idiotic as “That was surgery.” In a Bond film, when someone is shot in the chest at close range, it’s TO SHOOT THEM IN THE CHEST SO THEY STOP EXISTING. If they manage to survive, it’s a bit of a turn-up. Guns and bullets don’t magically become surgical implements. Yet Sherlock used this physics-defying rebuke of basic human anatomy to convince intelligent, educated people to go along with the rehabilitation of Mary Watson (why they chose to make her silly storyline so important is baffling). They then doubled down on that narrative in The Six Thatchers, piling on a barrage of action that was essentially extraneous to the story. All to get us to the moment in the aquarium where Mary dives in front of a bullet to save Sherlock, who for some unfathomable reason decided to talk over any attempts to pacify Norbury and all but commanded her to shoot him. Then Mary was kind of a ghost but not really. Then they introduced a long-lost evil sister and an island prison. Do all that if you want; just don’t insult my intelligence by smugly telling me it’s clever then hide behind Arthur Conan Doyle’s skirts when you get called out on it. If from the beginning Moftiss had just owned up to having wanted to write a glossy, slightly absurd, mainstream actioner with soliloquizing villains, I would have gladly gone along with it. But I’ve continuously been told I’m watching The Usual Suspects or some other complex thriller with a sense of humour when it’s clear I’m watching Bad Boys 2 with British accents. Again: that’s fine in the name of pure entertainment; just know that insisting it’s clever feels like a straight-up troll. At some point all the cognitive dissonance had to become too much to bear.

So what’s the result of all this?

The fanfiction is better.

Even relatively inexperienced fanfic writers with a limited set of tools at least attempted to flesh out the characters and give them backstories and lives, fully formed personalities. It didn’t always work, but the effort was appreciated. The superstars of the genre used the hiatus to write stories that surpassed anything Moftiss gave us in Season 4, particularly in terms of character development. When characters’ motivations drive the plot, the story is not only more cohesive narratively, it’s more engaging and lasting because all the shocks and gasps are earned and move beyond cheap manipulation for the sake of entertainment. At the heart of the narrative success of the top-tier fanfiction is empathy. The writers got inside the characters’ heads and asked, “Who are these people? Where are they from? What experiences shaped them? What do they want? What are they afraid of? Whom do they love?” Moftiss seemed to reverse engineer everyone’s behaviour and emotional reactions by working backwards from the plot – everyone is just there to be manipulated, to be made to speak or act because the plot demands it, so those questions can’t really be answered. That labyrinth Eurus runs Sherlock, John and Mycroft through is a microcosm of the entire franchise. If I didn’t read fanfiction, maybe I could have gone along for the ride with Moftiss, but I knew there were fully realised characters out there whose hurt wasn’t manufactured, whose choices mattered beyond setting up a gag or a plot twist, who were protagonists in their own lives no matter how small their roles were.

Not even Sherlock escapes this poor treatment.

Here’s what exactly none of the plot-driven, post-Season 3 Sherlock fanfiction I’ve read failed to consider: Sherlock dealing with the fallout of having been captured and tortured in Serbia then being shot by Mary. Do you know why they all went there? Because being the victim of that kind of brutal violence tends to affect people psychologically, and those effects ripple into the lives of their friends and family. But in Moftiss Land, Sherlock being chained and beaten at the opening of the third season was just there so we could watch Mycroft crack wise while wearing a fur hat. Mary shooting him was meant to “Red Wedding” us, nothing more. There were no lingering physical or psychological effects from Sherlock having been tortured. It’s never come up again, not even as an aside. Really think about that and what it means about the quality of the writing, about the depth of the characterisation, about the empathy being deployed towards the eponymous hero. Sherlock is obviously the character Moftiss hold in the highest esteem, but Season 3 proved Sherlock is just a prop to them – their most beloved prop but still just a thing, a toy. The only real narrative through lines in Sherlock are the twists, and they’re the only elements that aren’t played right on the surface. Everything else is meant to be taken at face value. There is no subtlety, no subtext. There are Easter eggs and other markers laid down mostly for plot payoffs – a puzzle to solve – but no emotional depth, no narrative consistency. Sherlock is and always has been elementary – there were just too few episodes for most of us to suss it out sooner.

A few people saw through all the flash of Sherlock from the very beginning, and I tip my hat to them for being far more perceptive than I. (If they’re running around being insufferable and shouting, “I told you so!” they’ve more than earned the right.) The first two seasons were a fresh, shiny new take on the somewhat musty image of the great detective, and we all got to watch Benedict Cumberbatch take command and come into his own. But the real reason those early episodes were of such a higher quality was the low budgets: they handcuffed Moftiss. They couldn’t get all the helicopters, Aston Martins and rappelling super soldiers on their juvenile wish list, so the plot twists actually had to be interesting not just turned up to eleven. We all mistakenly assumed that character development that would match the level of the plotting would come later. What those early critics of Sherlock understood (and what has come to pass) was that the reverse would happen: the plotting would sink to meet the level of the poor characterisation. What most of us took for slight faux pas we could overlook, they realised were portents of the slide in quality we’ve all witnessed. They knew Moftiss weren’t to be trusted to dock the ship, and they were absolutely right. Once Moftiss were truly given free rein, the true heart of Sherlock was revealed, and it’s just confused but lacks the self-awareness to realise or do anything about it.

Being “the smart kids” is part of the hardcore Sherlock fandom’s identity, and I don’t see many of them being able to admit that Moftiss bamboozled them. (We all got took, guys.) The capricious characterisation, careening plot and disjointed editing have thus far been interpreted as intentional, as Moftiss hiding the ball, as further evidence of their diabolical cleverness – all the incoherence taken as a collection of hidden clues to be thoroughly investigated. Even though Season 3 made it clear the story was spinning out of control and Season 4 has seen it hurl itself off a cliff (but only just miss smashing its head on the rocks), much of the earnest analysis will likely continue. Many of the casuals are in it for the slick deductions and probably embraced all the high-octane thrills. (There will be an inevitable backlash, though – you can’t fool all the people all the time.) The excellent ratings of Season 4 mean the bean counters will want a Season 5, or at the very least more Christmas Specials. Enough of the audience is probably still on board to justify it financially. I can only hope Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman have enough sense to withhold their participation. The Final Problem wasn’t the unmitigated disaster I was expecting, but everything from Season 3 onwards has made it clear the show can’t live up to its early potential and that the problems with the storytelling are baked in. So, it’s best this latest Sherlock Holmes incarnation just come to a close before it becomes a career-devouring black hole.

Thank goodness the fanfiction provides someplace the characters can live on.

Fics to Cleanse the Palate

TRUTH MAY VARY by @amalnahurriyeh

Seven years after Sherlock's death, John's life is normal.

And then it isn't.

I don’t usually rec incomplete work, but this is close enough to being done to be satisfying. If Season 3 onward had shown even a fraction of the emotional maturity of this story, we would be in a very different place.

Read on AO3.

STRAIGHT BOY PAIN by @glenmoresparks

Sherlock is in pain. Billy Kinkaid, the Camden garrotter and best man Sherlock knows, diagnoses it. Ademar Silver, a male prostitute in south London, attempts to treat it. Lestrade, kindly Detective Inspector of New Scotland Yard, doesn’t notice it. Eventually, John Watson, healer and registered medical doctor, cures it.

And a beautician called Penny paints Sherlock’s toenails.

Read on AO3.

FAN MAIL by @scullyseviltwin

“WatsonChick143 has been rather maniacal in her commenting as of late... she’s left comments on everything you’ve posted John, something so obvious can’t have escaped even your attention."

A fan of John’s blog graduates into stalking.

Read on AO3.

THE YELLOW POPPIES by @silentauroriamthereal

Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

Read on AO3.

And in an act of shameless self-promotion:

BEFORE HOLMES MET WATSON by Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

What does it mean to be a detective with no cases to solve? Sherlock Holmes tries not to ponder this question as he distracts himself from his professional failings with bare-knuckle boxing at an underground fight club and vials of cocaine and morphine. John Watson spends his days in an operating theatre on an Army base in Afghanistan, doing his best to patch up the wounded and failing more often than he'd like. The dark, violent worlds in which both men choose to live complicate their romantic lives and cause them terrible suffering but set them on paths that are destined to cross.

Read on Wattpad or Tablo OR download the Ebook on my website.

I’m always looking for recs, so PLEASE ADD A FIC YOU THINK ISN’T GETTING ENOUGH LOVE.

#sherlock #s4 #the final problem

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theworstbob · 8 years ago

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the thing journal, 2.26-3.4

as a) part of an effort to get me to be a more consistent writer, but also b) to get me to stop watching so much fucking mario maker-related content b.1) and also maybe stop listening to the same fucking playlist on shuffle when i ride the bus home, i have a new goal where i try to watch/hear/play seven new things a week and write at least a little bit about what i’ve done. try to get into a routine where i spend x amount of time with a thing, x amount of time writing, and maybe not looking on youtube for new dudes playing mario maker, y’know? it’s like, i love movies. before last week, i had seen three films that had been released since the start of 2016. so i guess c) be a better fucking citizen of the world. i might move this to medium or facebook, i might move all the non-shitpost stuff to medium at some point honestly, why do i have three different blogs, but we’re doin’ this here for now.

1) Sausage Party: this film is insultingly stupid. i already yelled at it, but ye gods. there is a moment in the film where, when the antagonist makes an unexpected arrival, one of the characters said, “Oh, fuck!” and if in any other movie, this might have been a nice moment, a character reacting to something unexpected by blurting out what one would blurt out on such an occasion, but in this movie, it felt like they just didn’t bother coming up with an actual joke.

2) Zootopia: i did a double-feature with sausage party and this, which is a very weird thing to have done that also might have impacted my opinion, but man, after slogging through Sausage Party, it was such a breath of fresh air to watch a film people put effort into making. even after divorcing it from that context, though, it is still handily the best buddy-cop movie about a bunny rabbit and a fox taking on racism that i’ve ever seen. it’s adorable. i’m not gonna put it in the pantheon of animated classics, not when there’s an extended monologue about how bad racism is from... shakira? for some reason?, but i do have to own up to the fact that, hey, maybe this movie wasn’t meant for my pantheon! i think this film set its ceiling at “the emperor’s new groove for budding social justice warriors,” but there are films with less noble aims, and this is totally a budding social justice warrior’s favorite film right now! and that’s really dope, that they have a movie! that sounds backhanded. i honestly loved this film. like, i saw emperor’s new groove when i was 11, and if there’s kids out there who’re gonna spend the next 16 years thinking about and loving this movie, the world’s gonna be in good hands. (also: the nudist colony scene. gold.)

3) Sing Street: this is for all the people that wished Freaks & Geeks had done a musical episode. this movie has so many things that i like. soaring musical numbers! lovable side characters! almost no plot! unbearable sadness! realistic teen drama! accurate depiction of a lower-class family! this isn’t a perfect movie. i think the central love story is brilliantly done, and they really nail the family stuff, but they stop giving everyone else in the band things to do after the characters’ introductions, and they didn’t set up the bully or the priest well enough as antagonists for their respective comeuppances to have any payoff. (everything at the school feels just a tad undercooked. like they had this epic love tale they wanted to tell, but then were like, “Ah, shite, can’t have 15-year-olds bugger off from school all the time, can we?” like at least let us know how the rest of the band feels about their lead singer and lyricist taking off for london all a sudden!) but man, when this film gets in its groove, it /waits a million millennia for it/ sings

4) Mad Love, JoJo: so the opening track, “Music,” is maybe one of my favorite opening tracks of the music year 2016. I don’t think I like this album half as much without it. On its face, it’s kinda cheeseball, just a girl ‘n a piano singin’ ‘bout how much she loves music. It’s a risky move, but she sells the hell out of the song, and because that track is so successful, each subsequent track is imbued with an undeniable joy, because you know, at the core of each song, there’s just a young woman doing the thing she loves the most. It lends each song a certain authenticity, like there’s no ‘tude being copped (or whatever kids these days say), this is JoJo’s music. I had a real good bus ride with this one. (And not for nothing, after miring myself in the Yellin’ at Songs project, I’m grateful for a pop singer who acknowledges that sex is a fun thing to have, and is direct about her desire to enjoy a sexual encounter. "Edibles” would be amazing even if I hadn’t endured multiple selections from the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack, but as this is the case, got DAMN do I appreciate “Edibles.”)

5) The Big Short: the narration in this movie is so phenomenal. like, they establish from the jump that the narrator is a jerk (“i didn’t hang out with those nerds. i was cool.” or whatever he actually says), so when he starts saying, “Look, some of these terms are gonna go right over your heads, so here’s a hottie in a bubble bath to help you dum dums out for a second,” it’s in character. i absolutely loved that. (also, i, um, i did need to hear the explanation of the terms used in this film. “don’t you work with mortgages?” i don’t know what they do, i only know how to look at them.) i also really loved the scene where the narrator is trying to get steve carell to make the bet, and he has this jenga set up to explain what’s happening with the bonds, and he takes a jenga piece out, but before he throws it away, he asks his assistant to point out where the garbage can was so he didn’t miss. that’s a nice touch. (adam mckay’s good at comedy! weird, right!) also i loved that the hedge fund dudes from boulder moved to new york and had a table which tilted. that’s such a good prop, like these dudes have $30m but they’re still living with a table that tilts, which establishes both that they’re small fish and that they’re also not quite sure what they’re doing. such a solid film.

6) Telefone, Noname: so real talk i didn’t give this the closest listen in the world. my phone lost connection in the middle of track four, and a drunk man had to give me life advice during track nine. maybe it’s not the best idea to try to listen to album with a semi-open critical mind while bussing, but i still really dug this album and would not mind giving it a second, deeper listen, because it deserves multiple spins. i’m really stoked to see what this woman can do on a full-length album, there was a lot to love in what i was able to pay full attention to.

7) It Follows: Y’all. Y’all. This film. THIS GODDAMN FILM, Y’ALL. After the first scene, which ends with a girl disconnected from the main plot dismembered on a beach, I was ready to tout the charms of YA Hannibal, but the deeper I got, the more I understood the disservice such a comparison would do to this film. This is its own gorgeous, brilliant thing. The way it steeps itself in silence is so, ugh, I wish that the central concept didn’t require dialogue to explain, because this would’ve been such a cool silent film. Like. When I think about movies, I try not to think about the acting too much because I know I’m not gonna have any interesting observations about it, but the performances here are just off-the-charts. Just the way the nebbish nerdy boy looks every time he thinks about offering help and what that would mean for his future and his friendships, or the sheer desperation in the main girl’s eyes every time the It gets kind of close, it’s just, I don’t know how to describe it, it’s a film executed superbly, almost masterfully. I keep thinking about the scene where the main girl looks out over the lake at the bro-party boat, and she’s taking off her clothes to go swimming, but her face is somehow blank and terrified at the same time, and her motions are so tentative and rigid, it’s, THIS FILM. IT’S. The thematic content alone! Gosh, I just, I need to find all the pieces people wrote about this film in 2014 when they were excited about it and just dig in, there’s so much to analyze and discuss about the things this film is saying about sex, about gender, about rape culture, about victim-blaming, about abuse, about SO MUCH. This might be my second-favorite horror movie of all time. (No Country for Old Men is a horror movie, don’t @ me.) It’s just so unbelievably good.

8) The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: This might count toward the Seven Things list next week, seeing as I’m only like six hours deep into this game, but simply moving from Point A to Point B is more fun and creative than half the games I’ve ever played. Honestly, if all I ever do with this game is treat it as Parkour Simulator 2017, I’ma be happy with my purchase. The Wind Waker was heretofore my favorite Zelda, but with every single step I take in this world, I get angrier that The Wind Waker put you on a boat and then... you sailed? You had a jump button on the boat, but that was basically all you did, was point your boat at where the game told you to go, put down the controller, and made a sandwich while you reached your destination. But I shouldn’t come to this space to bury other games, I should rejoice in what we have, and Breath of the Wild is my favorite game since Undertale. I love this game, and I can’t wait to find the first dungeon!

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