#I do have one more externship to do

[orcinus-veterinarius]

My second externship ended on Friday, bringing two amazing months with whales and dolphins (and pinnipeds, penguins, parrots, sharks, stingrays, otters, octopus, turtles, and a whole lot of fish) to a close. I learned so much and was so honored to have the chance to work with these beautiful animals and the talented, dedicated people who care for them!

Just one month until I’m Dr. Mando!

[seokshinedk]

At long last….I have completed all assignments for the semester. It is Done

[cherthegoddess]

Request for Evan Buckley, Y/N is a trainee paramedic doing her externship under Hen and Chimney at the 118 before she takes the paramedics exam and Buck is so smitten and has such an obvious crush but Y/N isn’t giving him the time of day and the whole crew finds it hilarious but she eventually agrees to go on a date with him

Thank you so much for this request! I got sick midway through writing it and I am still sick butttt I hope you enjoy!

Rejection

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warning: This was written with a black reader in mind but anyone can read it!

Word Count: 1.5k+

Join my taglist and rate the story here! (New taglist coming soon)

Rejection

“Hey Eddie, who’s that?” Buck asks, pointing a finger. He watches Chimney and Hen laugh with a woman Buck has never seen before. Eddie looks up with an eyebrow raised, looking at the direction that Buck is pointing. “Oh, that’s Y/n. She came in yesterday when you were off shift. She’s doing an externship with Hen and Chim before her paramedic exam, I think.” Buck’s eyes have yet to leave Y/n and Eddie notices. Eddie lets out a breathy laugh. “You’re going to burn holes in that girl if you keep staring, Buckley.” When he doesn’t stop, Eddie bumps Buck's shoulder. “She’s beautiful.” Buck gets up to talk to her but groans when the bell begins to ring. Eddie gets up finishing his last bite of food. He taps Buck’s back. “At least you get to see her in action soon.” Eddie rushes off to get his gear on. Buck watches for a minute as Y/n grabs things for the ambulance and then hops in. “Come on Buck!” Cap yells out putting Buck back in reality. He rushes to get ready. 

The scene was cold and bloody with a few missing fingers in between. A few ice skaters had a collision after one of the skaters lost balance. Y/n felt like she was on cloud nine because of how much praise she was receiving from both Hen and Chimney. She had just finished wrapping the second to last person when she saw a guy slipping across the ice. Y/n giggles slightly as he struggles to catch himself. “Hey Hen, Chim? Who’s that?” She asks still looking at the handsome man as he finally stands up straight. They both look up to see who she’s looking at. “That’s Evan Buckley. But everyone calls him Buck.” Hen answers first. Chim looks at the way Y/n is looking at Buck. He bumps Hen’s shoulder as she fixes up the last person for transport. Hen looks up seeing where Y/n’s eyes are. “Oh no. Don’t tell me,” Y/n looks over, worried that something happened with the patient when there’s nothing she’s confused. “We know that look. That’s all.” Y/n is even more confused by Chim’s statement. “You’re making googly eyes kid.” Y/n shakes her head. “I am not! But a separate question, not that I care at all, is he single?” Chim and Hen laugh at her statement as they walk with the gurney, taking their last patient to the ambulance. When they get them settled and have the doors closed, they turn to Y/n. “Y/n we’re going to warn you for both you and Buck. Buck is or was a bit of a player. He’s tried the long-term thing and to put it simply it hasn’t worked out. I know your externship is only for a few months and you’re going to go off to who knows where. I just don’t want either of you getting hurt.” Y/n nods her head in thought, the other two walk forward. Behind her, Buck runs up to her. “Hey.” Y/n looks to her side and notices the handsome firefighter. She smiles slightly and nods her head. “Y/n right? Nice to meet you, I’m Buck.” Buck puts his hand out for her to shake. She accepts his handshake. “Nice to meet you, too, Buck.” Buck grins at the mention of his name, he loves it way it sounds. “Planning to be a paramedic, huh? From what I’m seeing you’re a natural.” Y/n smiles and nods. “Well if you ever wanna talk about the job over coffee…” Buck pauses looking at Y/n for a response. “Maybe some other time,” She smiles and makes her way onto the van with Hen. “Catch you later.” She says with a wave. Buck frowns disappointed, he grins when he remembers she said some other time. 

It had been a month and a half since Y/n started her internship and a few minutes since Buck last flirted with her. Ever since the warning from Hen and Chim, Y/n did her best to ignore Buck’s constant flirting and to try to push down the feelings that she had for him. Everyone found her rejection funny even Cap. There was even a drinking game that the others, each person taking a shot every time Y/n rejected Buck  (besides Cap who played with shots of water). The game was usually cut short because it would happen 5 times in a minute. Y/n couldn’t help but admire Buck’s commitment. Buck grew to like Y/n for more than just her looks over the past weeks. It was her determination to do the job, her kindness to everyone around her, and the empathy she showed, she even had Chris wrapped around her finger, even if Y/n was for sure to say it was the other way around. He watched her and Chris currently at the cookout that Cap was holding. Y/n’s face lit up as soon as he came over to her. Buck had no idea what they were talking about but it had Chris laughing. “She’s really good with him,” Eddie said walking up to Buck. “Yeah she is,” He said without his eyes leaving her form. Suddenly Chris gives his best subtle thumbs up to Buck and Buck returns it. And Y/n definitely misses the exchange but Eddie doesn’t. “Please don’t tell me you’re using my kid for your flirting.” Buck smiles as Eddie groans. “I am not using your kid for my flirting.” Eddie shakes his head. 

“What do you think about my Uncle Buck?” Chris asks randomly. Y/n laughs and pulls the boy closer tickling his sides. “Are you scheming for your Uncle Buck?” Chris laughs. “Maybe.” Y/n tickles a bit more. “Okay! Okay! He bribed me to ask. He said he’d give me 10 bucks!” Y/n releases him with a smile. “You’re supposed to be on my side Chrissy.” Chris looks serious for a moment. “You should go on a date Y/n/n. He’s really nice! And he saves people like you! You have a lot in common!” She gives Chris a small smile. “We’ll see Chris,” Y/n says. Chris gets up quickly and makes his way over to Buck. “Buck! Buck!” Buck picks Chris up by his legs. “What’s up, buddy? Did you complete your mission?” Buck says with a smile. Chris nods his head. “She said ‘We’ll see.” Buck turns his head towards Y/n for confirmation. “We need to talk first,” Y/n says to Buck. “Outside?” Y/n nods her head as he puts Chris down. “Wanna take a walk around the block?” Buck asks and Y/n confirms as Buck grabs his jacket. 

The sun was slowly starting to set when they got outside. There were a few minutes of silence. “So…” They both say at the same time. They laugh. “You go first.” Buck motions. “When I first got here Hen and Chimeny told me something about you.” Buck raises an eyebrow. “What did they tell you?” Y/n looks up at the sky. “Don’t tell them I told you, but they said that you hadn’t had anything serious for a long time and you’re a bit of a player.” Buck wipes a hand over his face groaning. “I’m not really a short-term girl and I didn’t want to try anything if I was going to go to a further station. I wanted to wait to ask you what you were looking for after I got the confirmed assignment.” Buck pauses looking at her. “I guess you got your assignment back?” Y/n nods with a smile, “Cap informed me today that I will be staying with 118. Don’t tell Hen I told you first. I was supposed to tell her.” Buck grins congratulating her. “Thank you, but that means that it’s time for my question. What are you looking for here? I don’t want to be just one of your conquests or something. I like you and I don’t want to get hurt-” Buck cuts her off, “You like me?” Y/n nods sheepishly. “I like you too. And I don’t want something short with you Y/n. The player thing was from a while ago and even then since I met you, I haven’t been with another woman. I can’t even if I wanted to, you’re all that’s on my mind Y/n. I wouldn’t embarrassingly get rejected all the time if I didn’t want something with you.” Buck stands right in front of Y/n now. They’re close, only breathe apart. “You wanna try?” Buck nods, “I wanna try.” Y/n then breaks the gap between them and pushes her lips against his. They fit perfectly against each other. It is slow and sweet like no kiss either has ever had before. They release. “Remind me to give Chris $1,000.” Y/n laughs. “Me too.”

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[freesia-writes]

First time making a request, I'm nervous lol

I would love something kinda awkward but sweet with my main Man Howzer.

Either the "being too awkward to know what to do with the hands" and/ or the panic while figuring out if they are actually leaning in for a kiss

The awkward one being reader, GN as well if possible 🫶🏼

Feel free to ignore if the request post was old and my ask is out of place 😱

Have a great rest of the weekend 🫶🏼

Helloooooo my friend! What a joy and honor to be your first request. Thank you SO MUCH for your patience. Writing has been so hard for me lately; trying to have a steady stream of thought feels like wading through mud. But I've missed it and have felt more inspired to give it a try, so I hope my clunky effort is somewhat heartwarming and enjoyable! :)

Howzer x GN!Reader Word Count: 1.8k

You’d rolled your eyes when your Galactic Political Science class had assigned you to an externship on the planet Ryloth, having only heard of its dusty plains and occasionally volatile population. But now, eight months later, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Your job shadows of various political aides and diplomatic entourages had led you right into the vicinity of the man of your dreams. He was a clone, which some of your Coruscant classmates teased you about, but you couldn’t care less what they thought, uppity and narrow-minded as they were. 

Captain Howzer had caught your eye in one of the first meetings held on the planet, and your jaw had nearly dropped open at the sight of him. Immediately overthinking it, you wondered if you were so shallow that something so simple as a haircut could really make that much of a difference. But in hindsight, you were convinced that you were instead just an excellent judge of character, as your time working in close proximity to him had revealed a depth and integrity that left you in awe. He was level-headed and clever, and often came up with solutions to issues or conflicts that were impressively insightful. 

He was also kind of a dork. 

You’d never have believed it, but the more time you spent together, the more you caught the cheesy little jokes he’d make or the awkward comments that would slip by. As if he couldn’t be any cuter, his self-effacing humor and easygoing approach to life were just cherries on top.

So when it came time for your externship to come to an end, you were not in any hurry to leave. You’d enjoyed a number of mildly flirtatious moments with Howzer amid a great many conversations and encounters within your line of work, and yet you still felt as though he had enough depth to keep you pursuing him for decades. But you didn’t have many options: your program needed to be finished and it required your presence on Coruscant. To drop out now would be to lose everything you’d worked toward… not to mention your parents would never forgive you. 

You weren’t sure what to do, but you knew you had to do something. 

Your chance came not too long after, as the Ryloth session came to a close with a “Review Ceremony”, complete with awards and rife with lessons on political butt-kissing and how to appear in public to best sway opinion in your direction. You couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable if you tried. It was a black tie event, with all of the leaders in the sector attending, as well as aides, classmates, and local law enforcement. You chafed in your outfit, trying to walk as smoothly as possible through the doors, which opened into a massive chamber so tall you couldn’t see where it ended. 

Graceful vines and floating luminaries wove an intricate pattern above the guests, casting a warm glow across the proceedings. The hubbub of conversation was punctuated by the tinkling of expensive crystal and effervescent laughter as the influencers of the sector rubbed elbows and congratulated each other on everything and nothing. You were at the edge of a group of some of your peers, nodding and smiling at what you hoped were the appropriate places, but you weren’t really paying attention. 

If this externship had taught you anything, it was that you didn’t really have any interest whatsoever in this side of politics, and you were instead trying to look around the cavernous room for any sight of Howzer. You were scheduled to leave in the morning and still hadn’t found a time or way to confess any feelings. Even if you had found the right moment, you were still going back and forth endlessly about doing it at all. You were leaving, so what was the point? It’s not like he could leave his post and come with you…

“Excuse me,” a voice broke through your reverie, a voice you’d recognize anywhere… You turned far too quickly to “keep your cool”, heart skipping a beat when you saw Howzer in his standard armor. He tilted his head and you could almost see his expression through his helmet as he continued, “There seems to be an issue with your luggage. Would you please follow me?” 

You’d packed all your things that day, scheduled to ship out bright and early with the first transport. At first, you frowned, feeling that familiar anxiety in the pit of your stomach as you considered any and every possibility of what could have gone wrong. But when you noticed his broad shoulders ahead of you headed out onto the balcony, you were thoroughly confused. 

“Howzer, where’s–” you began, but he turned around so quickly you almost ran into him, hands a hair’s length away from his chest plate. 

“Sorry,” he answered, a crooked grin on his beautiful face as he pulled off his helmet. “You looked as miserable as I felt in there, so I thought we could get some air. Plus, there’s something kinda neat out here tonight…” He looked almost sheepish, sending a thrill from your head to your toes. You opened your mouth to ask about it but couldn’t get a word out when he suddenly took your hand in his. You could barely feel the warmth through his glove, but the thrill it sent through you felt like an electric charge. 

He pulled you gently toward the edge of the balcony, where a thick railing curved in a graceful half-circle that allowed for a beautiful view of the evening horizon. The dark Ryloth sky was peppered with distant stars and nearby planets, as well as the occasional ship coming or going. As the two of you came to a halt against the railing, he released your hand, leaving a cold emptiness where it had been, and pointed at a cluster of glimmering lights in the sky. 

“If you watch there for the next twenty minutes, there’s a meteor shower expected to start…”

“Twenty minutes!” you laughed.

“I mean…” he began, faltering with a chuckle, “I guess that is a bit of a long time…” 

“We’ll have to find some way to keep ourselves occupied for all that time I guess,” you said, choking on your own words as they came out sounding far more suggestive than you’d anticipated. “I mean… I’d like to see it, and… Well I don’t know when the ceremony will be starting… But I also don’t really care…. I mean, not like I’m going to win any awards, but…” Your brain yelled at you to stop talking, because every word felt as though it were making it worse. 

But Howzer seemed unfazed, his steady presence brightened by the sparkle in his eye as he shook his head. “And just why wouldn’t you win an award?” was his only response, leaning over the railing to gaze out across the expanse, keeping his words light but still casting a sideways glance at you that gave you the tingles.

“They’re not given based on merit…” you began, cynicism rising to the surface in the wake of your stressful end-of-internship duties. His gaze danced in the moonlight, flickers of amusement battling an undercurrent of something deeper, something warmer. It felt like forever until his soft voice broke the spell.

"Well, I don’t know if they told you, but you were the first place finalist for the Howzer trophy," he countered, his grin widening as he turned fully to face you. 

You laughed out loud now, clapping a hand to your forehead. “Oh?” you asked curiously, hoping beyond hope that it meant what you thought. The awkwardness that had been simmering between you seemed to dissolve, replaced by a charged stillness. 

The silence stretched, punctuated only by the distant thrum of the city and the faint murmur of voices from within the chamber behind. Your hands, previously clutched together in nervous anticipation, twitched instinctively. One of them, as if possessed by its own will, drifted up, hovering near his armor plate for a second before returning to the railing.

Howzer's breath hitched, and his eyes flickered down to your hand, then back up to your eyes. His grin, which had been playful moments ago, softened into something sweeter, something tinged with a hint of vulnerability that mirrored your own. He leaned in, slowly, his face a mere whisper away from yours. 

“Yeah. I think you’re great,” he said softly.

Now your own breath caught in your throat, your mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Should you pull away? Lean in? Speak, even though the right words seemed impossible in the face of this sudden, electrifying intimacy? The decision was almost out of your hands as his face drew closer still. His lips, slightly parted, hovered just a hair's breadth from yours. Was he leaning in for a kiss? Or was he teasing, enjoying the delicious torture of unspoken promises? That didn’t seem like him, but why was he taking so long? 

“Howzer, I… um…” you began, kicking yourself immediately for speaking in a moment such as this. Should you cup his face? Playfully brush a strand of hair from his forehead? Interlace your fingers with his? Your palms felt slick with nervous sweat, your fingers twitching with the urge to do something, anything, but they remained awkwardly suspended in the space between you.

His eyes seemed to twinkle with unspoken laughter, as if he could see the frantic dance of indecision playing out behind your eyes. But then, a flicker of something softer, something genuine, replaced the teasing glint. His gaze held yours, steady and intense, a silent plea for permission and eager hope. And in that moment, you knew. This wasn't about playful banter or coy games. 

With a sharp inhale, you closed the distance, your own lips meeting his in a hesitant, unsure kiss. Your hands, finally finding their purpose, landed clumsily on his chest for a moment, then tentatively cupped his face. His own hands, just as unsure, found their way to your waist, pulling you closer, grounding you in the reality of his closeness. When you finally pulled away, breathless and dizzying, your eyes met his, and the awkwardness was gone, replaced by a quiet joy. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, relishing in the waves of bliss that were washing over you repeatedly. 

"So," Howzer said, his voice rough with emotion, a playful glint still lingering in his eyes. "Still about seventeen minutes til that meteor shower eh?”

You laughed, absolutely quavering with emotion and excitement. “What to do…” you murmured, voice shaky and heart bursting at the seams. 

“I can think of a few things,” he murmured, stroking the side of your cheek with the back of his hand.

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[slxsherwriter]

Might Just Save You Yet

Fandom: 2001 Maniacs, Robert Englund characters

Pairings: Hinted Buckman x female reader

Word Count: 2,905

Warnings: This whole movie serves as a warning

Author's Note: *throws hands up in the air* I guess this is a thing? Englund characters won't leave me alone. But really, as fucked up as this movie is, there's a charm to the character that there shouldn't be and damn it, Robert makes him likeable to a degree. Tagging: @slashingdisneypasta & @tinalbion Hope you guys enjoy! There are two other ideas coming for this fool.

When you woke up just as the two in front had decided to take the detour, you briefly wondered how the hell they had made it into college in the first place. The detour sign was not official, and it didn't take a genius to see that. Because the jagged wood, painted letters, and backward lettering itself, it could not have possibly been any more obvious. But, the three knuckleheads you had somehow gotten stuck with to make it down for Florida for spring break had decided that the detour sign had to be followed.

“Seriously? Are we really taking directions from a homemade detour sign?” Anderson chuckled softly.

“Ah, calm down. It's nothing you gotta worry about.” Nothing.. lord help you the man that you called a brother was an absolute idiot at times. How you were related remained a mystery.

“When we are all disembowed in the back woods with no one coming to ever find us, don't blame me.’

“Jesus Christ, way to be over dramatic. This is why you have no friends.” You rolled your eyes.

“Maybe if you were a little more mindful, you could actually get a girl to pay attention to you, Nelson.” The other two laughed as you gave it right back to their friend. You probably should have just stuck with your original plan to fly down to Florida. You weren't staying at the beach house with the boys. No, a week-long externship had come up at a clinic that exclusively worked with veterans, and you had jumped at the chance. It wasn't like you were going to do anything besides relax and maybe draw some while on spring break anyway, and the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Anderson had told you that they were driving through, so he and his friends would pick you up instead. He had said that he wanted to see you. Part of you suspected that Corey and Nelson, friends of his since middle school, had wanted to take another shot at hooking up with you. Like damn dogs, they continued to bark up that tree every so often.

“Like you would know what it took to get a guy anyway. You're an uptight bitch.” You swallowed a retort, knowing that nothing you said would help the situation. Anderson finally jumped in.

“Hey, hey. Okay, there's no need for that now. Everyone just calm down. Besides, look, there is a town right here.” He pulled up slowly, easing off the gas as you made your way through what seemed to be an abandoned town. Everything looked like it was right out of a history book. Maybe it was a reenactment setup? They had plenty of those scattered in odd locations. You had a few friends who took it very seriously and had brought you along on a few. Enough to recognize it.

“Seems like a ghost town.” Of course, as soon as that left your brother's mouth, the car pulled up to what appeared to be the center of the small town, and suddenly, there were people everywhere. Music was playing, and they were all cheering. Almost instinctively, you curled a little further down in the car. That was far too much attention for your liking. An odd sense naggled at your brain, but it was something that you ignored, attributing it to the fact that you were now all the center of attention.

“So much for a ghost town,” you mumbled, though the guys were too dumbfounded to really be paying attention. Still, manners dictated that you didn't entirely hide, trying to offer a polite smile.

“Welcome to Pleasant Valley!” The man that stepped forward had an air of authority to him. He paused as if waiting for a reaction from the four of you, and when he got none, he leaned forward with a small laugh. Everyone in the mass who had surrounded was cheering, and it died out just as quick when there wasn't a response. The guys were entirely caught off guard, and you were suffering from a little case of the nerves. “Well, don't be a wet ding dong, fellas,” he offered as he hurried around the side of the car towards your brother.

“Buckman's the man, mayor’s my game.” He was standing beside the car now and finally seemed to notice you sitting in the back seat, and that seemingly impossible wide smile broadened further. “Now, why don't cha'all here, give us a big howdy due..hmm?” His hand was held out to Anderson, and in the blink of an eye, the older man had practically yanked your brother out of the driver seat with ease. Shaking hands, your brother remembered some manners.

“Anderson Lee, nice to meet you, sir.” Corey and Nelson were exchanging looks that could easily be deciphered as get a load of this. He managed to introduce you as his sister, but when he attempted to offer the names of the other two, Buckman interrupted.

“Lee Anderson, Lee. My, my, my. What a beautiful surname. Ya'll ain't from the south now, are ya?” You decided to jump in.

“Yes, sir. Born and raised. We were raised in South Carolina. Anderson decided to go north to school. I stayed a little closer to home, in North Carolina.”

“Then ya crossed over to the other side, I see. Well,” he hummed and glanced towards you for a second as he tipped the front of Anderson's hate. “Well, we might just save you yet.” Anderson wasn't sure how to take the comment judging by the confused look on his face. The crowd moved in a little closer as Corey and Nelson got out of the car, leaving you the only one in it. Which meant you had to get out. Slipping from the car, you held your bag close. Buckman turned his attention from Anderson back to you.

“You see, ya'll arrived just in time to be our honored guests at the Guts n’ Glory Jubilee!” The banner was hard to miss. Red, white, and blue, it hung just over the crowd that had gathered behind Buckman. The cheering started all over again, and you couldn't help but smile. Was it a little off? Maybe. You could have arrived in a backwoods town, one of those off grid sort of deals. Or these reenactors were seriously into their business. Either way, there was a light atmosphere. That nagging worry remained in the back of your brain, ignored still.

Corey was murmuring to Nelson, causing you to reach out and smack at his arm.

“Don't be rude.” They rolled their eyes, but their attention was diverted when a scantily clad woman walked up to the mayor. You blinked for a second as the woman instantly flirted with the two beside you. Buckman had shifted over you subtly in that time, inching closer as the boys had their full attention on Miss Peaches.

In a whirl of activity, more individuals showed up, including the car that you had met up with at the last gas station. While your timetable was tight, you didn't want to be disrespectful or rude. At least that was your reasoning for staying while the boys were only thinking with their lower brain.

It wouldn't be so bad, right? The air was crisp and clean. The heat hadn't fully set in just yet, leaving you comfortable in the quiet outdoor setting. There was a rush towards the hotel because apparently rooms were waiting. Another oddity. You had slipped towards the back of the pack and opted to enjoy a little peace, finally away from the boys. Besides, this seemed like a lovely spot to settle in and maybe do a little sketching.

“Well, darling, just what are you doing out here?” You had found a spot under one of the trees closer to the edge of town. Settled down, you had lost track of the time that had passed. It must have been at least a couple of hours, judging from where the sun was overhead. Buckman was standing just a few feet from you, hands in his pockets and observing.

“Oh, I'm sorry, sir.” Smiling, you hoped that he wouldn't have seen the act of you seeking some solitude as an affront to the hospitality that had been offered. “Been with my brother and his friends for a day and a half. Wanted a little peace, and it's just so nice out. Well, I wanted to take advantage. I didn't mean any disrespect to you or Mrs. Boone by it.” There wasn't a hint of anger as he strolled closer.

“Ain't nothing to be worried about. Just wanted to make sure everything was alright. Everything is alright, isn't it?” You relaxed further against the tree after having gone a little rigid when he first found you.

“Absolutely.” You wanted to ask what the deal with the setup was, but figured if it was one of those off the grid communities, you risked offending him. So, with all those southern manners you were raised with, you offered compliments instead. “You seem to have a little piece of paradise here. The town, the land. Seems like it really lives up to its name.” Buckman stood just a little straighter at that, hands coming from his pockets.

“What a sweet talker you are.” You laughed. “We pride ourselves on our little town. It's very kind of you to notice all the work that we put in.”

“Give credit where it's due.” It had made a great subject for your artwork.

“Well, I hate to interrupt a lady at peace, but dinner is going to be ready soon, and Granny Boone is expecting all our guests.” That was the moment that you realized that you hadn't eaten since yesterday. Quickly, you tucked away your pencils and closed your sketchbook. A brush of your pants had you free of any debris that remained on the ground.

“Dinner sounds wonderful.” You were surprised when the man offered his arm out to you. Deciding there wasn't any harm to it, the offer was taken. The walk back to the hotel was pleasant. The man asked questions every so often, centered around you. There was a certain charm about him that you found endearing and oddly attractive. Maybe it was because it was harmless. You wouldn't be here long, and surely nothing could come of it.

“Sounds like a noble cause, helping those that have served their time.”

“I don't know if I would call it noble. It's…just the right thing to do.” Buckman hummed for a moment before opening the door to the hotel for you. “Thank you.”

“It's not something most these days seem interested in, is all. Focus seems to be elsewhere for most.” That was something that couldn't be argued, and you conceded the point. “Why don't you go on and sit down, now. Dinner's almost ready.”

“Anything I can help with?” Just as you asked, an older woman appeared, all smiles just like Buckman had been.

“I won't turn down a helping hand, even if it is a guest. You mind setting the plates out, dear?”

“Not at all.” You took what she had in her arms and she motioned to send you away towards the table, only catching the briefest hint of low tones as if the two had waited for you to step away to talk. It was either your imagination or truly a private conversation. Shaking your head, as if the negative feeling could be physically removed, you worked on placing out the plates and silverware that the woman, who you assumed was Granny Boone, had placed in your arms.

Dinner was a fairly quiet affair. While Granny Boone was kind and funny, she most certainly took no shit and reminded you a bit of your mother. The cooking had been fantastic, and you had made sure to mention such.

Now, the boys were having dessert, Granny was playing the piano, there was an arm wrestling contest going on, and you were content to sit curled in a corner, working in your sketchbook once more. Instead of the town, you had decided to focus on the people in the room this time. Granny, in particular, since she seemed to be genuinely enjoying what she was doing.

Slowly, bodies leaked out of the room, though one slipped in after being absent. Buckman. He sat nearly atop the piano, sipping from a jug and just observing. While the music continued, the other noise quieted down slowly. Until you heard footsteps approaching. Nelson, of all people. The hoped that he wouldn't bother you if he wasn't acknowledged was squashed instantly. A little liquid courage was apparently the only thing needed for him to change his opinion of you being an uptight bitch.

As soon as the arm was around your shoulders, you shrugged it off and stood up. The two at the piano watched cautiously. You could see them trying not to gawk, and it just caused a rush of embarrassment to hit you.

“You can keep your hands to yourself. How many times does it take for you to realize that I'm not interested nor will ever be. Just because your friends with my brother doesn't mean I have to put up with your shit, Nelson. And, as far as I remember, your last opinion of me was that I was an uptight bitch. So, even if you were the last option on the face of this planet, it wouldn't happen.” Before he could attempt any retort, you walked from the room. The urge to run had been resisted by the skin of your teeth.

Stepping out into the cool night air was a relief. There wasn't enough light out here for you to finish your sketch, but that didn't matter since it meant that you were alone. Sitting down on the steps that led up to the hotel, a heavy sigh threatened to cave in your chest, and you buried your face in your hands for a moment. Breathe, just breathe. The mantra repeated over and over. God, did you hate confrontation like that. And to do so in front of practical strangers?

A soft weight rested against your shoulders, startling you.

“Easy,” Buckman nearly whispered. A blanket, he had wrapped a blanket around you. “Didn't mean to frighten you. Just thought ya might want something to keep the chill off ya.” He was being polite and not bringing up what had just happened.

“Thank you…” Another sigh and the wood creaked under his weight before he settled at your side.

“Some boys just don't learn their manners.” The comment brought a little, depreciating laugh before you could stop it.

“Understatement of the century.” A quiet chuckle was his response. “I'm sorry about that. My brother's friends have a habit of not thinking anything through.”

“Nothing you gotta apologize for, ain't any of that on you. They just need their mommas to tan their hides a bit more so they start respecting others.” You both fell silent as the small noises of the night started to echo out. Insects, birds, the rustle of trees and branches. It had always been pleasant and relaxing to listen to after the day had ended. The silence between you was comfortable, not awkward, and not one that you felt compelled to fill. He didn't either, it seemed. After a few more minutes, it was finally broken.

“I uh, see ya got that little book with ya. What were you working on in there?”

“This?” While you were always drawing, you didn't often share openly. But, there was something about the moment that pushed you towards it. A sense that he could appreciate it. “Nothing much. Just a little sketchbook.”

“Mind if I take a look?” He held out his hand but didn't move to grab the book, waiting for permission. After a second of hesitation, you wanted it over.

“The last one isn't finished yet….” The one of Granny Boone. The first few pages were random little ideas without too much detail since it was a relatively new book. The next three were from today. Two of the town and the last being what you had told him wasn't finished.

“Granny is gonna love this,” he finally spoke softly, amusing lacing the words, but they were genuine rather than mocking. “Ya felt that inspired by our little town?”

“There's certainly a draw.” You missed the giddy grin that overtook his features for a passing moment before it was schooled a little more into a more normal smile.

“I'm touched that you see such charm in our town. And lord, is there some talent here.” Well, there you go again, the heat rising to your cheeks. “Not too many see the town like this.” There was an odd note to his voice, then that caused you to look up. You couldn't place the emotion then. Longing? Desperation? Nostalgia? Either way, it settled there, making the usually peppy and excited mayor seem melancholy until the smile returned, brushed off as if it had been nothing more than a fly on his shoulder.

“Hard to see why. Nice southern hospitality, peaceful, little off the beaten path to make it feel separate from the rest of the world.”

“Glad you think so, darling.” You glanced back out towards the town once more before your world went black.

[drewmoll03]

Weird Slabtown Detail?

So I was rewatching "Slabtown". You know the scene where they cut off Joan's arm? I was rewatching it with my mom and she asked me why they used that slow technique. So I was like yeah true, weird. I study anatomy and physiology and I'm currently doing an externship in the medical field. I've never seen that instrument in books or whatever. So I had to do some research, took me quite some time to find it. I was even unsure of what to write to look it up, I wrote "cutting surgery thread" nothing came up, after a few more tries I finally found it. It's called "Gigli Saw". So apparently in our modern times this instrument is not used that often for limb amputations, but of course TWD Grady doesn't have much technology or modern equipment, hence why they used that. Apparently is the perfect instrument to cut through bones. And apparently is often used forr... Craniotomy! Which basically means cranial surgery. As you can see in the pictures below, one of those says "Supraorbital craniotomy" which means "cranial surgery above the eye", which is supposedly where Beth was shot. I have no idea how cranial surgeries work in this specific contest, I guess they would cut through the skull to remove the bullet (?) or see what part has been damaged. (I'm not sure if she had the bullet stay in the head or if it went through though)

Last detail of my research is that this instrument was invented by an Italian surgeon to facilitate difficult delivery of babies by "Lateralized Pubiotomy". No idea if this is something important, BUT there has been humors of Daryl eventually ending up in other European countries, but these are just rumors and I personally don't think that's what will happen.

Side note on "delivery of babies", Beth loves kids and she was obviously a mother figure to Judith.

Thoughts?

@angelthefirst1 @twdmusicboxmystery

[goat-yells-at-everything]

First art on a new tablet!

Grian having a crisis due to Watcher things. c:

I talk about my new tablet under the cut if your interested!

So, as an early birthday present I got an inexpensive portable tablet called a PicassoTab. I've had it for a bit but I've mainly used it to take notes for my externship and other things using the Squid notes app but I've finally sat down and pulled up mediabang and done real art.

So what do I think of this tablet?

The PicassoTab is an inexpensive general tablet that supports a real drawing pen. Basically, its a cheap iPad and apple pencil. Except I would definitely NOT call it cheap. Its actually a really nice little tablet and pen combo and I'm quite happy with it.

I'd liken it to my large Ugee tablet in terms of draw feel. Its very obviously a tablet and does not at all feel like drawing on paper. This can be a major downside for some artists to PLEASE keep that in mind. While I prefer my Gamon as far as draw feel, since I've used the Ugee before its not a huge downside and the portability makes up for that less than desirable draw feel.

The pen uses a single AAAA battery which isn't ideal imo. While it keeps the pen smaller and more pen sized, its a hard battery to find outside of online stores. Its not rechargeable so when the battery dies then you need a new one. Though there are rechargeable AAAAs out there, I dont know if they will fit as rechargeable batteries aren't the same size as their normal counterparts.

HOWEVER, I've been using this thing almost CONSTANTLY for over 2 weeks now and there is no sign of the pen dying so I think its got a good battery life and the passive discharge is minimal.

Whats nice about the Picasso is that its a general tablet as well as a drawing tablet. It has access to the play store and runs on android software. It came with 2 drawing apps installed and I really didn't care for them. But with access to the play store I was able to download mediabang which is a free software app that works wonderfully. It doesn't have all the same options as clip studio but its more than enough for the sketch book experience I want from this. I did make this art as a finished work on the Picasso but I didn't get it to replace my Gamon, just to replace the chunky sketchbooks and notebooks I used to carry around (and use less paper).

The other positive about it being a general tablet is that I can use it as a notebook, too. I write A LOT. Notes, lists, planners, ect. My house is stacked with notebooks of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I have SO MANY pens, too. Like WAY too many pens. But because the Picasso has access to the play store I can use the note app Squid to replace all of these notebooks and pens. I now carry around about 12 notebooks and counting in my purse and the notebooks have unlimited pages. Squid also lets you edit and move text after its written so its pretty easy to reorganize notes without rewriting everything.

So ya.

100% recommend if your looking for a portable sketchbook/notebook tablet.

[mlmcore]

Updates in my life since I’ve been busy with the whole MA program and hardly have time to write:

•Started my externship and I only need 70 hrs more to complete it 🥳 (Gonna graduate next month on the 19th 👀)

•I’m getting into the LVN/LPN program in a couple of months and then straight to RN (lowkey wanna be a wound nurse)

•Found out that I’m greyromantic (explains a lot ngl)

• It will be two years since I got together with my QP partner in 7 months 😌

•Still friends with the same dorks 🫶 Although, I’ve gotten closer to one of my close friends/comfort person (we both now display very cat-like affection if it makes sense????)

•Found out that I do in fact hate physical touch/affection, just that my friends and my platonic partner are the exception. I shouldn't be surprised but I just thought that maybe I would get over it with them. But nope, they are literally the exception 💀

•Im going to move out soon with a friend so that's a new start again (we are both very neurodivergent so it will be interesting on how it goes. Primarily because we both are chaotic together in the sense that we are both impulsive)

•I’ve gotten better at D&D :)

[aquaquadrant]

I'm happy to hear the surgery went well! I'm not sure if you've talked about it before (I only started following recently) but I was wondering what made you decide to become a vet?

AWWW hi there, that’s kind of you to say!! god, i’ve wanted to be a vet since i was like… probably six or seven years old?? as soon as i found out that horse ranching is no longer a viable career option in the 21st century 😂

it was def spurred on by my love of animals. here’s some deep aqua lore: i was a Horse Girl for my entire childhood and even took riding lessons at one point. but funnily enough, i’m not actually going into equine medicine (at least not right away). these days i’m solidly in the Cat Person camp and going into small animal practice, potentially ER (i’ve got an externship this summer that’ll let me know if that’s the right choice or not HAH).

ofc, love of animals alone isn’t always enough to base a career off of. i’ve taken a lot of steps thru highschool and undergrad to make sure this is the field for me, cuz it’s a LOT of biology and physiology and anatomy (which turned out to be a surprise love of mine). and even though there are specialists out there for just about everything, the average general practice veterinarian has to be a jack of all trades; a clinician, a surgeon, a radiologist, an internist, a behaviorist, a nutritionist, the list goes on- and usually for multiple species that can have DRASTICALLY different biology! that’s daunting, sure, but also really exciting.

i love vet med because it’s a job that involves lifelong learning (and not just by doing required CE credits) and it has nearly infinite possibilities. i can go into virtually any aspect of the field the day i graduate, with no additional schooling required except for a residency or rotating internship. and there’s so much freedom if i decide to switch gears later on! i have professors who have moved to different disciplines three or four times. there’s also great opportunity for teaching and mentorship, which i’ve also discovered i enjoy, without having to have any kind of degree in education because it’s all clinical-based. i’m already thinking that i might pursue some kind of teaching position when i’m old and i’ve had my fun actually practicing medicine 😂

anyway that was prob more in-depth than it needed to be, but HOT DOG i’m excited!! having our first surgeries this week made it all feel that much more real, rather than a classroom theoretical, and it’s always great to have reassurance that i’m def where i want to be.

[orcinus-veterinarius]

When horses end up with severe leg/hip injuries, they are almost always put to sleep. The odds of recovering full mobility from such injuries are slim and the odds of reinjury are high, so even if the horse is perfectly healthy in all other aspects, it is generally recognized to be more humane to put them down than to keep them alive just to live the rest of their lives limping around a small paddock or stall. A life for a horse in which s/he cannot gallop, leap, explore and play is no life at all. Why not apply the same logic to cetaceans? A life for a cetacean in which they can’t dive hundreds of meters, make meaningful autonomous choices (“should I play with the rubber ball or the puzzle feeder today?” is not a meaningful choice; research has shown that autonomy is crucial for animal welfare), echolocate and experience the rich biodiversity of the ocean is no life. I really don’t understand why it’s so horrible to think it more humane to euthanize a confused and sick orca calf if there is no chance of rehab and release than to take her/him permanently into captivity. It’s not disparaging or hateful to cetacean trainers to say so—I know they care about animals—it’s simply a logical ethical stance. Instead of searching in vain for orca conservation organizations that aren’t “radically anti-captivity”, maybe pro-caps should look inwards and ask themselves why all the major orca organizations (Center for Whale Research, Orca Behavior Institute, OrcaLab, Wild Orca, Orca Conservancy, Far East Russia Orca Project, etc.) as well as some cetacean organizations (ex. Whale and Dolphin Conservation, Cetacean Society International) oppose captivity. Is it because all of these esteemed groups, which if you look them up are all staffed by credentialed scientists, have been duped by the “animal rights agenda”, or could it be because maybe, just maybe, they know what they’re talking about? If captive orcas are so different from wild ones that wild orca biologists have no credibility to speak about their welfare, then that’s a clear indictment of captivity already.

Hi. I'm sorry for not answering right away, I was still at my externship when I got your ask, and I wanted to be able to sit down and give you a proper answer. So unfortunately, I don't think what I say will satisfy you. I don't expect to change your mind, nor is that my goal here. I only want to explain why I believe the way I do, so that you or others reading this can at least understand that it's not a position I take lightly, nor do I think it's infallible.

(Long post below the cut):

To start off, as an (almost) veterinarian, there are absolutely plenty of circumstances where I find euthanasia to be the correct decision. Euthanasia is our final gift to our patients, a swift and painless death in the face of prolonged suffering or poor quality of life. A large dog with debilitating osteoarthritis. A cat with terminal lymphoma. A down cow. A raptor with an amputated leg. Or like you mentioned, a horse with a fractured hip. These animals would live in a constant state of pain that they don't understand, and death can rightly be considered a kindness to them.

But an otherwise healthy orca calf? I would consider that a false equivalence. I agree that life in the wild should be prioritized whenever possible, and that captive orcas lead very different lives than their wild counterparts. But if that orca cannot return to the wild (orphaned and unable to be reunited with its pod, habituated to humans, non-painful disability such as deafness), and there is a facility willing to take it on, I do not think euthanasia is an appropriate option. In human care, that calf can still swim, breach, and dive, even if not to the same depths as the ocean (it's also worth noting that these are all costly behavior energetically and are not performed for no reason). It can still socialize and form family bonds with an adopted pod of whales. It can still (theoretically) mate and rear calves. It can still engage its big brain in problem-solving through training and enrichment in the place of hunting. And as a bonus, it will never go hungry and has access to veterinary care if ill or injured.

This is not a wild life. This is not the same life they would've, or should've known. A pool, no matter how well-appointed, is not the ocean, and we should not claim they're comparable. But I don't think it's a fate worse than death. I truly don't. But if it is... if freedom really is worth more than life, then all captive whales need to be euthanized. Even in a sea pen setting, they will not be free. They will not choose their food, their companions, their enrichment, their comings and goings. Those choices will still be made on their behalf by caregivers, and they will still have pretty much the same levels of autonomy as in their tank habitat. They will still be captive. (While some people do advocate for this, I don't think it's a popular outlook. Even SOS Dolfijn, a historically anti-cap organization, recently announced plans to build an aqauarium as a permanent home for non-releasable cetaceans rather than continuing to euthanize them).

Speaking of autonomy, yes, it is very important. But I truly don't think the orcas are distressed by the lack of meaning in choosing between enrichment devices. I think that's why we disagree on this topic... we have different worldviews. We both see orcas as beautiful, intelligent creatures, but I do not see them as people. They are animals, and for all their complexity, I interpret their behavior the same way I do any other species... they are motivated by food, reproduction, and (since they're highly social) companionship. Because of that, I still think we can give them a good life in human care, which is why it frustrates me to see the zoo community throw up their hands and give up rather than trying to improve our current less-than-ideal setups (*shakes my fist at the Blue World project*).

Now, I don't think it's wrong to be emotional about animals. I most definitely am! And it's very clear to me you love orcas and care about their wellbeing deeply. I admire that about you, and I appreciate your passion.

On to the next point... in the cetacean world, I've found that there is an unfortunate divide between researchers and caregivers who work with cetaceans in human care and those who study them exclusively in the wild. And that schism far predates the Blackfish era. Most of those organizations you listed are indeed legitimate, and I fully support their vital work and encourage others to do the same. A few of them, though, share things like this:

I think you can understand why this hurts me. And it's a lie. I've now interned at three aquariums (two of them AZA-accredited) that house various species of cetacean, and it's impossible for me to reconcile what I know and have seen to be true and what Whale and Dolphin Conservation wants the public to believe: that these unbelievably loved, vivacious animals are drugged and tortured by their greedy captors. It's not true, and I do not appreciate WDC for spreading this creepy artwork around. Nor do I think that fighting captivity is a beneficial allocation of resources when there is an overwhelming number of genuine threats to the survival of wild cetaceans.

Anyway, back to the scientists. Personally, I don't consider researchers who work exclusively with wild orcas to be either superior or inferior to those who work with captive whales. And sometimes I wonder how much of their position is a self-fulfilling prophecy: if someone opposes captivity on moral grounds, they won't work with captive whales, so they'll never get to know what their lives and care are like beyond maybe a single tour of the park or memories of how things were done in the 1960s (like Dr. Spong, who worked with some of the very first captive orcas at the Vancouver Aquarium).

I also don't think it diminishes the expertise of wildlife biologists to say that they are not experts on husbandry, training, or medical care... those are very different fields, and ideally, they should all inform each other. And of course, there are folks who work with both wild and captive whales. One of the reasons I linked SR3 in my previous post is they have staff with backgrounds in both managed care and research of free-ranging populations (I actually have no idea what the organization's official stance on captivity is, it's not something they address).

Maybe I'm wrong. I try my best to keep an open mind, but I know I'm also swayed by my own preconceptions and experiences. When I started this blog in December 2020, I was a first year vet student with minimal actual experience outside of domestic animals and some herps, and had only recently adopted the pro-captivity outlook. Now, I'm much more deeply involved in the zoo and aquarium world. These are people I know and respect, people who have written me letters of recommendation and comment on my Facebook posts, people I've had dinner with and showed up with after hours to care for a sick animal. And I recognize that biases me. The zoo world is often resistant to change, especially folks who have been in the industry for many years. And that doesn't do anyone, especially the animals, any good. I don't want to get stuck in an echo chamber, so I make it a point to read anti-captivity literature, even when it upsets me. If there is anything I can do to improve their lives, I want to learn about it, regardless of the source.

I try to adapt to new information. For example, in the past few months alone, I've become a lot more favorable toward the idea of sea pen habitats. My concerns about "sanctuaries" are more logisitical* and philosophical** rather than the idea that artifical habitats are inherently superior to pen habitats (they're not), especially when plenty of traditional facilites already make great use of ocean pens or enclosed lagoons. There are pros and cons to both, and a lot of it depends on the needs of the individual animals.

*funding; maintenance; lack of land-based backup pools and fully-equipped medical facilities; introducing immunologically naive animals to pollutants and infectious agents; disruptions to native wildlife; staffing activists and wildlife biologists rather than those with relevant husbandry experience

**villainizing aquariums; promoting the project as a "release to freedom" to the public when it's really another form of captivity; claiming the animals' lives will be "natural" when they will still require training, artificial enrichment, contraceptives, and social management if done correctly; downplaying or completely denying the very real risks of such a transition and insisting the animals will automatically be better off when Little White and Little Grey have proved that's not the case

If you made it to the bottom, thanks for reading. I wish all the best for you, and I mean that genuinely ❤️ even if we disagree, I hope you can appreciate our shared love for these animals and a desire for their wellbeing. Best of luck in all your endeavors!

[0reo]

Is this thing on?

I remembered the email address to this account out of nowhere. I used one password for everything before so that wasn’t a problem. I think I was 15 when I made this to escape the first Tumblr I had, which had more followers and somehow felt suffocating. Funny because I remember wishing this had more followers then.

Just a small life update. I am 24 now and on my last semester of veterinary school. Ironic that I chose this career out of love for animals but every day I just see more of them suffer. It has certainly not been the easiest but I try to keep my head up. Seems like that’s all we can do these days.

In a month’s time, I will be temporarily moving to Singapore for my externship. I’ve been really looking forward to that—just getting away from everything. I’ll also be nearer to the boy I like but that’s a story for another time.

Being back here feels very weird. Like I’m in an abandoned mall but everything is still pristine. Or when the party’s over and I’m still at the venue with balloons and streamers on the floor. I’ve met wonderful people from this site and I regret losing touch with many of them. Actually, I’ve lost many friends these past few years, from Tumblr or otherwise. Is that a pandemic thing or is that just me? Nonetheless, I now hold the remaining ones I have very close to my heart and I hope they know it.

So much has changed. I have tattoos now! And 3 dogs! I don’t think my 15-year-old self would have ever expected those. Anyway, it’s 4 AM here right now and I need to sleep. I hope tomorrow’s a good day for me and you both!

[the-qalankhais-sweetheart]

For end of year asks: 5, 19, 25

#5: Probably Cobra Kai. Star Trek: Discovery was amazing, and I loved Strange New Worlds, but I was probably the most satisfied with the progression in Cobra Kai. I'm still salty over PIC.

#19: This was a hard year, so I'm not entirely certain. Maybe September or October, before I made more missteps with the guy I had feelings for, and when I was doing really well in externship and school. I'm finishing strong in school, and did well in externship. June is also a contender because I finally accomplished another goal that I felt like I was never going to accomplish or that I would have to wait until after grad school to accomplish (getting a car). Honestly I'm just ready for this year to be done.

#25: I don't really make resolutions, so I don't think so? But I definitely completed one goal I set out to complete before the end of the year, and that was buying my car.

Thanks for the asks!

[call-boy]

the student we have rn is legit so insufferable too... its so much worse too bc she would pick up shifts for the dog and cat side randomly over the last 2 years and was always a little annoying and you'd just assosciate the shitty performance with her like not being an actual employee but i've dead ass been having to leave my exams cause im jsut like im going to shoot you or me in the face if i hear your voice for 1 more second rn lmaooo I also just don't want to be mean and with students i always give so much grace to bc theyre a stranger here for exposure but this one who's known us for years just has taken many liberties with what they will and won't do bc they know us already..... i'm also like sorry if it's coming off rude but I also give less of a fuck bc i do know you but i am going to get someone else to help me or do something for me or do it myself bc again you're here to learn not try to replicate our actions smh... the way shes doing a 3 week externship instead of 2 weeks too... i was at the point where i had to remove myself from everyone on saturday bc i was about to verbally eviscerate the student and the other tech lmaooo

[call-me-jennn]

latelys.

I came home one weekend after a productive morning errands date. I sat at the table eating my breakfast and looked around the apartment. What a shit hole. I started getting irritated, but it’s the least of my worries. I have so much going on right now.

My externship will be starting up again soon, hopefully. I’m just waiting for the school to complete the paperwork and set up the registration so I can start. The longer it takes for them to process everything, the less time I’ll have to complete my hours. The manager is requesting we work weekend night shifts, which is okay with me. I don’t usually plan on wild weekends while I’m in school. But I’ll lose a day of the week recovering from the night shift.

Under the externship we’re only allowed to work 120 hours. After we’ve completed our hours we’re not allowed to work in the hospital through the school. But the unit still needs help with small tasks like restocking and sterilization, so the manager has asked us to onboard as volunteers so that we can work under the hospital. This way when we’re finished with 120 hours of free labor as externs, we can work for free some more as volunteers. I know that sounds bitter, but I’m grateful. I love it there. And it’s just one more thing to add to my resume. And this unit notoriously hires their externs, so I’m saying yes to anything they ask, because it’s a great hospital. The onboarding is a super long process with its endless paperwork, orientation modules and Tb test to schedule. It’s all on my to do list.

The 2nd year of my program has just begun and we’re all worried. The workload seems to be lighter, we only have two courses this semester in addition to our clinical versus the three we had the last two semesters. Our lab class also only has one lab day, not two. Unfortunately, one of our classes is taught by our least favorite professor, who I feel is just incompetent. We, as a cohort, attempted to go to our program director about her. She’s not just a poor instructor, she straight up teaches us misinformation. And when we try to argue with her, she only doubles down. One time, in lab, when I was arguing with her, she told me not to try and use logic to explain things. I almost lost my shit. AND I WAS RIGHT. I find the best way to go about her class is to completely ignore her and just read the book. That’s how I aced her class last semester that a lot of people almost didn’t pass.

In our course that has a lab, there are three sections. One is directly after lecture, meaning the students in that lab only have to be on campus two days. The other sections are in the morning or afternoon on Fridays. I tend to have a later registration so I wasn’t originally able to get into the good section and I was going to have to be on campus three days. I actually had to decline coming to my cousin’s wedding because it was on a Friday and I couldn’t miss the first day of lab because it’s a crucial day to pick your lab group for the whole semester. But the best laid plans go awry, because I unexpectedly ended up getting into the good lab section, but wasn’t able to pick a good group.

On the night before our first day of class, one of my girlfriends in my friend group sent us this long text telling us she was dropping out of the program without explanation. She sits next to me so it was especially a gut punch sitting alone without her. On the first day of class the professor called her name for attendance and asked the class if anyone knew where she was. We just avoided eye contact. The next time we had class, one of my classmates asked me where she was, and that their clinical instructor was asking about her when she missed their rotation. I went to talk to our professor for our lab to make sure she doesn’t call out her name for attendance today to avoid calling more attention to the fact that she was missing. It’s not like people weren’t already aware that she’d been missing and they were already asking questions. But I just wanted to protect her a little bit. When I told the professor that she had dropped out of the program the professor said, I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you this, but she hasn’t officially dropped, she’s still registered for classes. I said okay and started to walk back to my seat. But after a few steps, I realized that she was registered for the good lab section, meaning once she drops there will be a seat available. I turned around and asked my professor if I could have her seat. Part of me feels a little slimy, like I’m benefitting from my friend dropping out. The professor said she would work on getting me an add code, but that meant I wouldn’t be attending the first day, I’d still have to attend my original section. This also meant I wouldn’t be there to pick my group. My classmates later told me that she ominously wrote “Student X” on the board under one of the groups and said choose your groups. No one knew who Student X was, and no one wanted to choose them for their group. So in the end, I ended up in a group with the three left over students who couldn’t get in a group. I totally got screwed. Man, this freaking sucks, and everyone knows it. People came up to me later and apologized, saying if they knew I was Student X, they would’ve chosen me for their group. It’s not like the people in my group are stupid. I truly think that everyone who made it to second year is smart. They’re just not as fast at understanding stuff and they’re not great at explaining or articulating their points. So if I think the answer is A, I’ll be able to explain clearly why I think my answer is right. But if they think the answer is B, they can’t explain why. That’s not helpful to me if my answer is wrong. They’re going to slow me down, and I am already a very lazy student. I don’t come to lab prepared to explain everything, most of the time I don’t come prepared at all and I can just figure it out as I go. I sulked for a few days over this.

So as I’m sitting at my dining table thinking about all that I have to do, I suddenly have this burst of inspiration. Maybe this lab group thing could be an opportunity for me. I really don’t approach my schooling with much of a sense of urgency. Do I study? Sure, when I feel like it. Do I come to class prepared? Depends on your definition of prepared. In the end everything always gets done. I always read all the chapters before I’m tested on it. I learn all the material and I learn it well enough to ace my exams. And that works for me, but when my classmates ask me questions I don’t always know the answer. I can figure it out and answer it well enough. But I’m not always on top of the material. Maybe this is an opportunity for me. I know my group is going to look at me to be a leader. I know they’re going to look to me to clarify any confusion they have. Maybe that I should be that leader. Maybe I should come to lab prepared and ready to explain things to them.

Hm… okay. This isn’t a crazy ambitious plan. Like I said, I eventually study all the material either way. This way I’m just studying all the material before class/lab. Maybe I should implement a system to help keep me accountable. Well my preferred system is sticky notes. A task on each sticky note pinned to a corkboard, and with completion of each task, the stick note gets pulled. A visual system and pulling off the sticky notes can be satisfying. The corkboard gets pulled out and I go to look for my sticky notes.

Where the fuck are the sticky notes. I’m looking all over in my room, searching in different bins, rooting through a bunch of crap that I have. Why do I have so much crap? When was the last time I even touched half this stuff? A bunch of craft stuff from one project I did 6 years ago? I’m so irritated. All this freaking clutter for no reason. Why do I live like this?! By the time I find the sticky notes, there’s a fire that has been ignited in me.

I’m not freaking living like this anymore! All this crap needs to go! I’m changing my life! I need to get serious about my life! In addition to my new study schedule, I’m going to purge one area of my room each week. And so I study for the week and clean one section of my room as planned.

Monday morning rolls around and I have a doctor’s appointment. My psychiatrist says, so Jennifer, how have your moods been? Stable? No sudden optimism or goal setting? Um. Well this is awkward. I try to defend myself. This isn’t an intense hyperfixation! I’m not trying to change my life overnight. I just set small, achievable weekly goals for myself that I think overtime will lead to an overall change. She says okay, it seems alright. Just monitor yourself.

Lecture/lab day rolls around. I ace my quiz, because I read the chapters beforehand. It feels nice. Most of the time I ace the quizzes based on good test taking skills, but this time I know the answers confidently. In the lab, I’m very prepared since I looked over the lab assignment and answered most of the questions in advance. I took the lead on going through the assignment and tried to give each of my group members opportunities to answer the questions, adding in clarifications where they seemed confused and explaining the answers. I tried my best to encourage them when they seemed hesitant to answer or nervous. I felt like it went well and we were able to get through the assignment fairly quickly. I felt good, like my plans were going well. I also felt a little nervous, I hope my group members don’t think I’m too bossy or anything like that. We were able to leave lab early. I stopped by the bathroom, then started walking out to my car in the parking lot. As I’m walking out, I hear my group member call out my name. I turned around and she gestured for me to walk back to her. When I reached her she said, I want to give you a hug! She hugged me and whispered in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re in my group, you’re so smart.”

So yeah, you could say things are going well.

[thepixelelf]

hiii thank you for the advice ursa!! as for the situation I’ll tell you about it.

It’s about my older sister more than anyone else in my family. When I say like I have to work my schedule even life around hers I truly do mean it. I basically didn’t get to choose the program of study i originally wanted bc it was an hour away and since she was going to start her externship before I did, she thought it was inconvenient for me to do that bc she needs someone to drop off & pick up my nephew from school. This part I get a bit yk but it’s just unfair to me bc now I’m being forced to study something I didn’t want in the first place. I talked to her about this before but she always says the same thing “it’s too far I think you should stick to the program that’s 20 minutes away instead.” This is a huge reason why I don’t want to/ I’m scared to speak up for myself bc I feel like my feelings don’t matter. And not to mention I’ve been putting off all of the perquisite courses that I have to take in person because of her as well. I could’ve been done with my prereqs a year ago if it wasn’t for her. She thinks my school is far from our house (it’s only like 20 minutes away) but it’s inconvenient for her bc she wants me to take care of my nephew all the time. I’m not even kidding sometimes she’ll go out w my brother in law for hours and she’ll leave my nephew w me. In the rare cases she does take him w her as soon as they get home she’ll make a comment somewhere along the line of “it’s your turn to watch him” like wdym he’s not my child?!!

For the part of my homework, I don’t put off family time just for homework if anything it’s the complete opposite. I usually always put off doing homework because someone needs something and in most cases it’s my older sister. This past May I was really busy doing homework bc it was the last few weeks of school. she would make snarky comments like “you’re doing homework AGAIN” or “oh here we go again, we’re just gonna see you on your laptop all day.” Mind you these were assignments I couldn’t put off. I had 2 papers worth like half of my grade and on top of that a presentation for another class and I also had to study for final exams. Her problem is that she depends on me too much to help her with my nephew. I love him more than anything but sometimes I can’t even enjoy my days or even vacation bc she constantly wants me to watch him. I swear to you there’s times when I take care of him more than she does in a week.

I could keep going on and on about this but they’re all similar situations just in different ways. I guess what I’m saying is that I of course want to have a conversation with her about it but I know she’s going to find a way to turn this on me. If not she’s going to make me feel guilty about even bringing anything up (I know this from past experiences). It’s a very difficult situation and I wish I would stop worrying so much about her feelings instead of mine.

I’m so exhausted and mentally drained but I truly do appreciate you helping me out with this ursa, it means so much. 🩷

I am saying this completely genuinely: switch to your first choice program of study. It is doing no one any good if you are studying something you don't like when you could have an academic career you DO want. If it's possible to make the switch (and I mean possible as in your school lets you, not whether anyone else thinks you shouldn't) I say do it. Better to make the change now rather than regret an entire degree later. To be able to get post secondary education is already an incredible opportunity, and you should be allowed to use it to study what YOU want to study. It's YOUR future, not anyone else's.

If you have trouble justifying/explaining to your family/sister, I'd suggest talking about it like this:

(Using my program/career as a placeholder)

“If I'm going to be a [professional stage manager], then I need to go to this university/college/school and take this [technical theatre stage management] program that they offer.” And back it up with, “This is the field of study I want to work in, and I won't have the career I want if I'm doing the program that is ‘more convenient’.” 

Obviously that alone isn't enough but I can assure you that you can and should take the study program you want to take. Look into what it would be like to transit daily to that 1 hour away school, and at the same time look into dormitories/roommates/on and off campus living for that school. 1 hour away is actually pretty significant, BUT worth it in the long run if you do the work to find what is viable for you.

Please know that I am open to continuing talking with you about this bc I understand that it's not always easy to stand up for yourself (especially in cases of family) and this post might not be enough to fully convince you. I just really think you deserve better and I want you to live the life you wanna live!!

Also— your 4 year old nephew is not your responsibility! As a 22 year old aunt, being available to pick up your nephew from school if one of his parents were suddenly unavailable would be a normal level of favour to do for your sister. Picking him up from school every single day is not. Yes, a 4yo can't be left alone, but either your 28yo sister or 30yo brother in law need to be able to take care of that!!!!! THEY chose to be parents so THEY need to take responsibility. Either they have to figure out a way to pick him up, or they can look into a daycare service or babysitters. You are not a free babysitter!

I understand that living with them gives way to a different dynamic, but think about it this way: if you had 0% input on whether or not this child was going to exist, then you take 0% responsibility for their care. Of course you can offer to help watch this child from time to time, but it never was and never should have been your duty!! Like it's honestly ridiculous for these two grown adults to expect you to watch their child that often! You are still so young!!!!!!!! 22 is legally an adult yes but like!! Barely!!! You're still in school and have so much ahead of you and ugh!!! This made me heated!!

I think a huge part of this is that you need to start believing that your feelings matter, anon, because they really do. Tell anyone else about your situation and they'll tell you the same thing I am. You matter!

[cariboll]

Dream job

As a perpetually unemployed person (I have more years of unemployment under my belt than I do of years working actual jobs), I am constantly asked what my dream job is.

What do job I want to do? I usually go with the "work support staff on a film/tv show" or something similar. I have a bachelor's degree in history and a master's degree in film. And so far I have not worked a day since I got the two degrees in 2021 and 2022. I am one of those people who finishes a degree or training only for the economy or unions of a pandemic to promptly decide that I will not work. Seriously. I dropped out of college in ~2009, had a nervous breakdown, and then went and trained as a phlebotomist (person who takes your blood for testing). Then I trained as a medical assistant. Both times all I heard (if anyone actually deigned to contact me) was that I either had too much training (just from doing intern/externships) or not enough experience. I worked as a temp (some of the worst jobs I've ever worked and the worst people I have ever met in those jobs), worked at my local county fair in one of the departments fro a few weeks every summer for several years, and I've worked in retail (cue nervous breakdown #3. Yes, I said #3). All of this is to say that nothing I've ever done has been remotely dream-like (though I've definitely had more than a few stress dreams about my jobs).

So. What would my dream job be? Well, first off, it doesn't exist in the real world, only on tv. Unless of course someone has actually accomplished it and Leverage exists in real life and not just as 7 seasons of two incredible shows.

Why do I want to work for Leverage? Because they help people and have adventures. And sometimes they have to be creative about it. I WANT to be creative in my job. But creativity doesn't pay the bills.

So I'll just go back to waiting to hear from the jobs I've already applied to. They're not dream jobs, but maybe they won't crush me down until I have a fourth breakdown.

Maybe.