#I didn't waste money on that test :( I was sure I'd have to write it again next year

[bookrendezvous]

After three months of studying French, I somehow managed to get a DELF B1 and, quite frankly, I still can’t quite believe it.

[why-rock-look-tasty-if-no-eat]

I was a good and obedient kid, though I did have an imagination and a small mischievous streak. (Keep in mind, all of the examples were when I was under 10)

I was told to eat something? Already ate it, thanks for the food, can I have some more please?

Told to stop doing something? Are you sure I can't keep doing it? No? Alright, I'll stop.

Go be quiet and wait for the next hour? Looks like it's time to play make believe with any small objects around me and keep the game in my head.

Do your homework/hand write the essay? Already did it during school lunch/recess/class

Pick an instrument to play? I wanted flute and piano but the clarinet is perfectly fine to

Do (competitive) ballet, modern dance and baseball? How come I can't do gymnastics? Or why not both ballet and gymnastics? I don't want to do dance but alright. Though why can't I do soccer instead? Because you said so? Well, alright

When it came to concerts, theaters, movies, and plays I would sit still the entire time and pay attention to it without a fuss

But gods forbid that I get upset about having to wear clothes (literally only overalls and skirts) that I hated. Or just acting like a kid in general and not a miniature adult. As a seven year old I was doing the families dishes, laundry, and cleaning inside and outside the house. I also had to mediate between my family and grew up catching food to eat when we ran out money. During clothing store trips I used to hide in the clothing racks because I rarely got to go shoping, but I got yelled at everytime that it wasnt cute and is bad behavior.

Later on my 'teenage rebellion' was literally just me going to college during my last two years of HS and walking through the woods to get home. I never left the house after curfew and I never snuck out, simply because I never wanted to. The degree I was working on? It was science related and would have given me a strong foothold into my dream job, forensic science. The reason why I didn't get my associates before I graduated HS like I was supposed to? My mother didn't want to drive me to the second year campus, even though it was free college paid by the HS. Literally paid in full by the HS, and all that was needed was transport on my end.

Every school year I'd place in the top percentile of national tests; 1% English, 18% science, and 27% math. Those were my last test results because I remeber crying about my mothers response. Her response? An eyeroll and the papers being tossed aside and told that could do better at math. My Senior year I just gave up because I did all of that to get her recognition, and experiencing that broke me.

I got reccomended for scholarships when I was in Sophomore year. I was taking AP, Advanced, Band, Choir, and college classes while working 35+ hours part time with little to no transport for the last two. To get to my job I'd walk 40+ minutes or take the bus and waste money for an easy walk. The busses stopped after 10 pm so I would have to walk home, after midnight, by myself in a city that had plenty of nightlife. I also (unpromted) paid for my own food, entertainment, school supplies, and clothes since my Junior year.

For almost my entire school life, I'd go straight home and just learn more from NatGeo, encyclopedias (I ran out of books to read), science journals, KhanAcademy, hell I even watched college classes on YouTube, back when Berkeley still had them up, during middle school. I wouldn't go outside after curfew or sneak out, I'd be watching documentaries. The most trouble I got into was staying up watching documentaries at 1 am, I had headphones on to.

Then I got into a small job industry that's highly competitive, and I scored among the highest applicants and could pick from hundreds of jobs except for two? I must have cheated, because there's no way I'm that smart. My mother to my older sibling, almost verbatim.

Now what would my mother do when she was my age? Go out with her friends and get into trouble, eat as a group, sleep over at each other's places, and not take school seriously. She didn't get a job during HS, she wasn't in any AP or advanced clases, and most certainly didn't have a job during HS or college because her parents paid for it all. Which didn't matter since she dropped out of college to take care of my older sibling.

My mother went back to college during my Sophomore year and was complaining about how hard her classes were. I ended up helping her with her homework because I already did those classes during MS or Freshman year.

She would get impatient if I took more than three minutes to get out the door, but then I would have to wait fifteen for her to get everything. I found it easier to just run a checklist before we left so we wouldn't have to waste more time by turning around.

I would have a city/state/tristate competition for marching/choir/jazz band/ballet/modern dance/baseball (last three were droped before MS, but I still did compitions for ballet and dance) and if it had provided transportation then it was a toss up on if my family would be there. But if my mother or older sibling had a public event? Then I was dragged along and scolded if I complained about it.

Meanwhile my older sibling was staying over at friends houses, skipping school, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, sneaking out at night, smoking cigarettes, and not helping six year old me clean the house. But it was alright for older sibling to do it because they were older than me. OS didn't have to worry about curfew, and OS didn't worry about helping me out around the house.

OS got to eat as much food as OS wanted, but yet I got yelled at for asking for more food. Like I wasn't a growing kid and one serving was enough to tide me over. OS did have to get a job during HS though, because by that point our mother was raising us without child support. Even with OS helping with money we were still below the poverty line, and I had to stop doing many extracurriculars to save money.

Because my family were in dire straights monetary wise for my entire life, I was also worrying about money my entire life. When I was eight I was worrying about losing our home, which did happen a few years later so it wasn't unfounded lol. By the time I was twelve I was cutting back on my allowance to save money for food since catching it wasn't an option anymore at that point.

Suffice to say, whenever my mother talks about her childhood it's like getting whiplash. The differences are so crazy. I don't think my mother truly understands just how easy and nice she had it. Like, what do you mean you had a happy childhood that wasn't spent doing everything but what you actually wanted?

What do you mean you got to hang out with your friends whenever you wanted? What do you mean my MS math class was your HS class? What do you mean you didn't have to think of family before you even as a kid? What do you mean your parents went to every event you and your siblings had? What do you mean you didn't have to catch food for your family as a kid? What do you mean college's didn't require a 3.5 GPA, 25+ ACT score, and four years of foreign language?

Nowadays my mother is just pestering me about why I'm not in college and making a big fuss about how I can't be burnt out from my old job because I'm still college age. My old job where I would work up to 18 hours for two weeks. Every other month. For years.

TLDR: The stark difference in two generation's childhoods is real and it's really depressing

Maybe this is the wrong platform to pose this question given the average tumblr user but

Is it just me or did our generation (those of is who are currently 20-30 ish) just not get the opportunity to be young in the 'standard' sense?

Like, everyone I talk to who's over 40 has all their wild stories about their teens and 20s, being young and dumb, and then I talk to my friends and coworkers and classmates, and we just... dont.

[urbancripple]

I apologize if someone has already asked this, I looked but I didn’t see anything, I’m sorry if I missed it.

I’ve been disabled a while now, but I never mentioned it, and refused to talk to doctors about it. I’ve finally decided to try and get help, but it’s really hard. I’m worried the doctor won’t believe me, or will blame it on my mental illnesses, and I’m also worried that it is actually just from my mental illnesses. The reason I’m worried about it is because I don’t want the doctor to waste time and money getting me tested for things, just to figure out it is from mental illness. I’m worried about being a burden. I’m worried about the doctor diagnosing me with somatic symptom disorder or munchausan syndrome.

So my questions are: is there a way to tell if it’s from mental illness vs physical illness? How far should I push the doctor for testing before accepting it is mental illness? (Since doctors where I live are pretty ableist, and often ignore diagnosing/treatment of zebra disorders, im not quite sure when to trust that the doctor has actually done enough testing, vs when they just don’t care enough to do more testing) And do you have any tips for settling anxiety while trying to bring up my symptoms?

Hi! Welcome!

The first thing I wanna recommend is that you consider seeing someone about what seems like a lot of anxiety around going to the doctor.

The question "is there a way to tell if [my medical symptom are] from mental illness vs physical illness?" is a really, really good question that I (and most everyone else on this site) are not qualified to answer.

I do have a fair bit of experience navigating the American healthcare system and one bit of advice that I am comfortable giving you is this: bring data, not conclusions when you talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

Every day, write down the following information (this is not an exhaustive list):

What time you went to bed and any symptoms you experienced (or didn't experience)

What time you woke up and any symptoms you experienced (or didn't experience)

Everything you eat and when you ate it and any symptoms you experienced (or didn't experience) shortly before and after.

Any time you experience an onset or termination of symptoms (date and time)

What your mental state was at the time of onset or termination of symptoms.

Your exercise.

How much water you drink.

How much caffeine you consume.

Any time you take a prescription or OTC drug.

Add anything else you feel may be relevant. But be consistent. Choose a format and a routine and stick to it! The more consistent you're data is, the easier it will be to analyze.

I know this sounds like a lot and it is. There are apps to help you track all of this. But gathering all of this data will help your doctor(s) get a better picture of what's going on with you. It'll help them see potential causes and make it easier to prescribe treatment.

And remember: it's not your job to diagnose anything based on the data you're collecting. That's the doctor's job. Left up to our own devices we're just as likely to decide "colon cancer" instead of "that pepper was too spicy" every time we're wincing on the toilet after too much Indian food.

And it doesn't matter if everything is "in your head" because literally everything happens in your head. You are reading this because light is hitting your eyeballs and being processed by a sack of grey mush we barely understand inside of a skeleton. We are all just sacks of meat powered by lightning.

How you are feeling is valid. Mental health is physical health because the brain is inside the body.

And again, seriously, see a therapist. They'll help you formulate a plan to talk to your doctor about your symptoms as well as help you deal with the emotional strain of navigating American healthcare.

If nothing I've said helps or doesn't answer your question, feel free to submit another ask. Usually, I'd put answers like this on my main site so others can more easily access it but your question felt specific enough to answer it here.

If you want to see what other folks have asked me about dealing with doctors, you can go here

[thevindicativevordan]

On Livewire

You know Leslie is probably the most popular and well known female Superman Rogue mainly because they use her so heavily in outside media.

Which makes sense given her debut in Superman: The Animated Series, but it still kind of fascinates me. They didn't bring her into comics continuity until 2006 apparently, with Gail Simone and John Byrne (Byrne of all the creators!) being the ones to finally fold her in. Even after they brought her in, they still have never given her that much attention or focus which is a disappointment for me frankly, because Livewire is honestly fantastic in Scott McCloud and later Mark Millar's Superman Adventures runs, and I would say with complete sincerity that those two are probably her best writers. "Millar writing a female character well?" you scoff at in disbelief. I know, I was shocked too! But she's funny, clever, and a huge pain in the ass for Supes. Reading how she was used there, and rewatching her STAS incarnation recently, really made a big realization for the character hit me like a lightning bolt (couldn't resist):

She's basically an evil superpowered Lois Lane! I know I can't have been the first one to realize that, although I haven't seen anyone else actually outright state it anywhere, but c'mon it's so obvious! She's a reporter of a sorts as well thanks to being a disc jockey, her debut in STAS even has her interviewing Lois and Clark! She's got strong opinions on Superman that conflict with the general opinion about him (Lois being pro-Superman when everyone else is more hostile towards him at first, Livewire being anti-Superman when everyone else has embraced him as their hero). She's rude and abrasive, and doesn't care if her opinions offend people, which sure does remind me of Lois at her meanest.

Livewire to me is an examination of what Lois would be like if she abandoned her morals or never really had them in the first place. Leslie doesn't care about the "truth" which is the big difference between her and Lois. Lois can be headstrong, willful, and outright rude, but it's all in service of her pursuit of higher ideals. Livewire doesn't care about that, she carries about getting people to pay attention to her, and getting the recognition and wealth she believes she's owed.

What I'd Do With Livewire

It wasn't until I had that big realization about Leslie that I figured out what role she should play with regards to Clark: She should be Clark's old college ex who was the one who got him into journalism in the first place.

Clark's college years are unexplored territory narratively, typically we jump from his childhood in Smallville right into his debut in Metropolis. Now I know Clark dated Lori that mermaid back in Pre-Crisis during his college years, and while that's a fun bit of trivia, it doesn't really add anything meaningful in the same way that I think Leslie and Clark dating could. So I'd rather go with Leslie because I think she makes for a better foil for Clark and because the two of them would benefit from having a deeper connection established, plus Leslie could get fleshed out as a character more.

I like the explanation that Clark chose journalism in part because it challenges him in ways his powers can't, but in the comics they've rarely bothered to explain how he chose that field in the first place. I would have meeting Leslie at college be that big moment where he starts to figure himself out. She's assertive and confident, and Clark is attracted to that for similar reasons he's attracted to Lois. Leslie would start out as an optimist and idealist in the same way Clark is, and the two would bond and go into journalism together, with Leslie being the one who really believes in the field initially. They'd both be big believers in the duty of the press to inform and the presses ability to shape public opinion, with Clark attracted to investigative journalism and Leslie attracted more to broadcast and digital journalism. They start to date and for a moment, Clark seriously wonders if this is the one.

The big break between them comes when Clark and Leslie go on a trip around the world during their senior year of college. That trip would be where both of them learn how crappy the world is. Clark always had some idea of how bad things were because of his powers, but the trip is where he really starts to realize that there is a real need for someone of his powers to step up, and that there are hard limits to just how much he can accomplish as a member of the press. That same realization is what shatters Leslie's idealism and optimism. She loses faith in the ability to make a difference, to punch through the wall of public indifference, and as a result she gives up that dream. Instead she decides that if you can't beat them, join them: she switches instead to telling the masses what the powers that be want them to hear in exchange for money, to saying whatever the masses will give her attention and prestige for, embracing tabloid journalism that prioritizes clicks and engagement over information. Ultimately it destroys the relationship between Leslie and Clark with her viewing him as a sap and him viewing her as a sellout.

I think that origin really would help flesh out her worldview and motivation a lot more. She's a former idealist who has been broken by the world in a similar way to Poison Ivy. Leslie thus acts as a foil to Clark and Lois in that she's someone who let the world rob her of her idealism and sold out on the truth in exchange for material success. She's what Clark or Lois could've been if they took Lex's offer to work for him, and they should recognize that to some degree. Clark should have conflicting feelings for her, not romantically that relationship is dead, but in terms of sometimes he wonders if he's just wasting his life trying to fight for truth and justice. So few people seem to care about those principles, why hold on so tight to them? Why not just look out for his own self-interest the way everyone else seems to? It's the refusal to give up even when it looks pointless that makes the two of them different, and makes Clark a hero and Livewire a villain.

How I'd Like Livewire To Operate

There's a lack of imagination in how Livewire is used on the comic side as I see it.

Like most Superman Rogues the typical Superman writer doesn't seem to have a clue what to do with her beyond generic "villain" stuff, but that does a disservice to what Livewire brings to the table. Livewire does want to fry Superman to a crisp, but that's not what her daily goal is to accomplish. More importantly, she wants respect and she wants money, and the way she gets both is not by trying to rob banks, it's by leaning into her background as a media personality combined with her new powers. Unleashing electric bolts is honestly the least impressive part of her powerset in terms of her ability to manipulate anything and everything technology.

The Internet? Livewire can crash the entire thing with ease, or restrict access to portions of it. She can do the reverse and smash through firewalls and encryption like it's made of paper. Imagine Livewire shutting off the power grid or causing it to explode, secretly using your "smart" tech to record your every move, uploading ransomware to every piece of technology in Metropolis, emptying the bank accounts of anyone who annoys her, or bringing Metropolis to it's knees thanks to the "City of Tomorrow" being a test ground for the Internet of Things, so everything is connected and thus easily manipulated. Smart cars crash into each other, elevators randomly drop, trains are unable to stop and simply accelerate onward unceasingly, plans attempting to land find their instruments on the fritz, anything and everything is Livewire's to control. But terrorism, while entertaining and occasionally profitable, isn't Livewire's main focus either.

One of my favorite Superman Adventures stories with her had Livewire manipulating TV broadcast signals so that any time there was a male news reporter on screen, the signal wouldn't come through. Stuff like that, where Livewire is making life hell for people in a way that isn't immediately life-threatening is what I envision as her day to day operations, but her bread and butter is fake news. What Livewire is REALLY good at doing is manipulating the public due to her journalism background plus her powers. She can make fake videos that look totally authentic, fake articles that seem to come from credible sources, fake voice recordings, she can make anyone appear to do or say anything through the Internet, and then she can upload that to the devices of every single person in Metropolis.

You can get stories about the mayor being framed for taking bribes, local activists cast as grifters, and supposed upstanding citizens such as Lois Lane and Clark Kent appearing to take orders from criminals like Intergang on what stories to run. Basically you lean into the journalism aspect for Livewire stories where Clark and Lois have to investigate to see whether what Livewire is putting out there is fake or legit, with peoples lives and reputations at stake (including frequently their own).

And when Superman and Livewire actually do clash physically? I don't care how it gets justified, Livewire simply being that powerful, her lightning being "special", she has the ability to manipulate Superman's bioelectric field, whatever: she can hurt him. When she hits Supes with lightning, it burns. It's painful as all hell. Livewire needs to be a threat and I'd like her to be treated as a powerhouse since I don't see a reason why that shouldn't be the case. Livewire is a really cool Rogue, there's a reason she's managed to keep getting used long after the DCAU ended. I hope the comics creators start utilizing her to her full potential.

[stilydinski]

Night Escapades

pairing: boyfriend!chan x reader (gender neutral)

genre: fluff

word count: 1.5k

description: saving your boyfriend from a sleepless night of overworking is by now part of your job

It was late when you arrived at Chans apartment. Tired from a relatively uneventful day which somehow still managed to exhaust you. Hoping to get some peaceful rest accompanied by your boyfriend, you walked through his place which you owned a key for even though you don't officially live there. Chan gave it to you on some occasion since you were spending most of your time there anyways and he would not have to open the door all the time. But still you don't officially live together with you still owning a dorm at your university.

You looked through all the rooms which were not a lot to begin with but you somehow could not find him. Looking at your phone you read the time.

12:27 am.

Knowing Chan, he was probably still working at the little studio the university had which he used together with his group consisting of him and his friends Changbin and Jisung. Even if it is technically still just a hobby for the three they put in a lot of effort into their self-written songs. They all hope to be able to make money out of their passion for music in the future once they graduate from college. You know Changbin and Jisung, they both did not enjoy working through the whole night and you are sure that at least Jisung has most likely left already to get some rest. They all had classes tomorrow but especially Chan does never let that stop himself from editing or writing songs and lyrics until the morning hours.

This is why you would often walk over to the studio in order to get your boyfriend and force him to rest so that he won't collapse from exhaustion and only get one hour of sleep. Sensing that is exactly what is happening right now you were walking through the empty campus. Only lit by a few lanterns, you clutched your arms around yourself in order to provide some more warmth in the cold night breeze as you walked in the direction of the studio pretty quickly. When you arrived you could already see the light inside. The boys have a key for the studio after convincing their music professor that they needed to be able to record and arrange their songs at any given moment. Getting tired of constantly unlocking and locking the place for them he gave in and provided them their own key.

You opened the door quietly and entered. After walking to their recording room you could only hear silence which made you conclude that the two younger boys had probably already left. Walking inside the small room you saw your boyfriend sitting in a chair looking concentrated at his laptop in front of him. When he heard you close the door he startled and looked up only to ease and smile when he saw your face.

'You know I always tell you not to stay here too late all the time but you still do it,' you told him sounding mildy disappointed but the both of you knew that you were not surprised.

'I didn't look at the time to be honest. Changbin and Jisung left early because they have exams tomorrow. I wanted to finish these arrangements and must have lost track of time,' he answered sheepishly looking into your tired eyes with his, which most likely looked the same, before looking back down at his laptop. You walked over to the table behind him and leaned down to wrap your arms around him from behind.

'It's about 1 am let's go Chris,' you said quietly and kissed his cheek softly. 'We both have classes in the morning and should get some sleep. I'm writing a test tomorrow.'

He turned his head towards you and frowned 'You shouldn't have walked here baby, you need rest to have enough energy for your test! Don't worry about me I'm gonna finish this and then I'll join you at the apartment. I won't take more than an hour, I promise.' He looked at you softly but worried why you would sacrifice your resting time when you needed it more than him.

'Well that's too bad because I'm not gonna leave without you.'

The both of you were almost whispering considering the time and also the fact that your faces were literally mere inches apart.

Both of you were looking into the others eyes as if you could read each others thoughts and dreams in them. You were wondering how his simple brown eyes could be so beautiful and unique. There are a lot of people with brown eyes but Chans still managed to captivate you every time because of all the love he holds in them when looking at you.

'I guess we'll better get going then. I don't want to be the reason you're too tired to concentrate tomorrow,' he said turning back to his laptop saving his work and closing the program.

You smiled, having succeeded in getting him to rest once again. Chan packed everything up and hung his bag over his shoulder. Taking the hand he extended in your direction you walked with him out of the studio after locking up.

On the way back to his apartment a comfortable silence hung in the air since the both of you were tired and exhausted. The cold night made you freeze again which resulted in you holding onto Chans whole arm to be closer to him and to provide some warmth. When he noticed you were cold he took his arm and wrapped it around your waist to pull you closer to him. Laying your head on his shoulder he bend his head down to kiss the top of your head softly.

When you both arrived at his apartment you did not waste any time and got ready for bed. As you were lying in bed you looked at his dresser where some pictures were put onto. You looked at a picture of the two of you remembering the day it was taken and how much you enjoyed the time spent with him.

To be honest, you enjoyed all the time you have with him though. Whether you are at a party together with his friends or just cuddled up in his bed abandoning the books you were supposed to read for class. Even after being with him for a longer time he still managed to make your heart flutter everytime he complimented or simply just looked at you lovingly like he always did. You loved him with every inch of your heart and knowing that he reciprocated those feelings entirely is probably the best feeling you ever experienced in your life.

Taken out of your thoughts by feeling a familiar arm wrap around your waist you eased into his touch and immediately relaxed.

'You know you don't have to come get me from the studio all the time. I wouldn't actually spend the entire night in there, I'd get some rest eventually,' he chuckled and traced random patterns with his fingers on your waist.

'I'm not too sure about that,' you laughed softly and he felt your torso vibrate from it against his chest. 'But seriously, I don't want you to just get some rest, but enough. There was more than one occasion during morning classes where you were almost falling asleep. Oh, wait how could I forget about the time you actually fell asleep and got caught?'

'Can you stop mentioning that please- it's embarrassing enough Minho talks about it all the time,' he pleaded being all too used to getting teased for the incident by his friends.

You just laughed and turned your head towards him. 'If you promise me it won't happen again, maybe?'

Knowing well enough he might not be able to keep his promise he replies with a weak 'whatever' and finally closed the small gap between your lips. Your eyes fluttered closed and you stayed like that for some time, lips softly moving against each other and pouring all your adoration and appreciation for the other into the kiss. When you pulled away you slowly opened your tired eyes again only to be met by Chans looking just as tired but still not with any less admiration.

You pecked his lips once more and finally turned your head away again to lie comfortably in his soft bed. You closed your eyes but you felt Chan pressing his lips to your cheeks once more for a few seconds before settling down at last too. 

'I love you,' you whisper, so quietly that even if you weren't alone it would only be heard by the one and only man it was meant for.

'I love you too,' he muttered before you finally both drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face and a content feeling of love in your hearts because you both knew that you were the only ones owning the other's heart and you couldn't be happier about it.