#I didn't get enough sleep.
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The octopus was so tired that he forgot to take his potion to maintain his human form... I think it's mentally harder for him now than physically for Samal :")
I drew this for an artist I know. We both really like Azul :)
Reblog, please? <;3
#art#мой арт#artists on tumblr#memes#twisted wonderland#twst#azul ashengrotto#twisted wonderland azul#twisted wonderland azul ashengrotto#azul ashengrotto x yuu#For another artist#I didn't get enough sleep.#happy happy happy#:D
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oh. I think my fears about Chiefcake passing from old age were more on point than I realized. she's acting very weak right now.
and it's late on a friday, when all the rabbit-specific vets have closed. I'll call around anyway to see if at home euthanasia is an option tonight.
#I didn't expect it to be this soon#she's been sleeping more and urinating outside of the litter box#so I was planning on getting her on arthritis meds to see if those helped her move around better#but tonight......I know how animals act when they're dying.#something has gone wrong inside her#god these things always happen at night when the vets have closed 💀#all I can do is stay with her and try to make her as comfortable as possible#this sucks#at least she still feels good enough to eat the apple slice I'm offering and tooth-purr while being stroked
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Thinking about how Nightmare has 4 mortals and 3 of them are so so bad at taking care of themselves
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Truce au#Killer Sans#Dust Sans#Cross Sans#Horror Sans#Nightmare Sans#''I don't feel like drawing a bunch I'll just do a quick silly doodle'' sits up until 1am finishing this#But this is about their bad habits not mine so#Killer and Cross are the worst offenders for sleep but they're pretty managable#Dust is the worst for food but Horror can coax him into enough food to get by#Horror was - for a short time when he first joined - Nightmare's clear favourite#Because he would actually ASK for things when he needed them#(Not that his joining didn't have problems of it's own but y'know#Nightmare was starting to expect it at this point)#I should ramble for 10 pages about the boys joining the gang someday#Not now cause I'm going to bed but y'know#Anyway goodnight gang!
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I love love love the contrast between first Suvi and then Sworn extending care to Maddy as an untested young Wizard under harrowing circumstances vs. Indri taking on all of these young Witch apprentices with the express purpose of consuming/destroying them once they actually learn any magic.
I love the reminder that for Suvi, the Citadel is her home and school, and also all of the other things.
It's not just the army she's wanted to fight for, it's also the streets and people of her family and community, it's all her teachers, professors, the panel for her Wizard grad school thesis. It's the place where she did a bunch of stupid kid stuff that almost got her killed, and it's where whatever she's going to become with Silver started.
It's also the place that's crushing the life out of her best friend. It's the thing that Morrow was aiming for when he trapped Naram. It's the thing her parents died for instead of coming back to her.
And Indri, by very funny contrast, is just the world's worst Intern supervisor. 0/10 experience, would not get my magic consumed again. Just absolutely the worst.
#Does this make sense to anyone else?#I didn't get enough sleep so who knows#wwwo spoilers#wbn spoilers#wwwo#wbn pod#the wizard sky#Suvi the wizard#the wizard the witch and the wild one#Also also I'm so dying to see the Wizard who took on the name Sky in that Library of Stars again.#Surely she can get a peek into some of the things the stars saw about her parents/the citadel as a treat
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head pats...
#odile loops au... she is loved!!!#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#but also just referencing the odile petting emoji on the discord AJDLSKJKDL#aaaaaa i am so sorry. i missed 2 days in a row. that has never happened before.#bad sleeping schedule and general tiredness....#anyways. back to regular posting schedule (hopefully)#day 63#is it on 10 now... or 11.... check later....#one day I will get enough energy to do asks... one day...#but... I wanna say that I really appreciate them!!! I know a bunch of ya'll have sent very sweet stuff in there... thank you very much!!!!#I didn't wanna clog up the blog but... screw this; I wanna say thanks!!
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad”#I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks”#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen”#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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Born to be a protagonist in a ghibli movie, forced to be irl.
#im trying my best to stay active here but then that phase comes again in which i start ghosting everyone lol#but this time honestly i didn't get enough time to stay active here because i was so much busy with exams and uni#anyways my mids exams just ended so now i can sleep peacefully for hours and hours hehe#ghibli#dark academia#light academia#excerpts#romanticism#spilled thoughts#ghibli movie#studio ghibli#ghibli films#hayao miyazaki
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Fictober23 Prompt: 30 - "Are you with me?"
Fandom: DPxDC
Rating: G
Warnings: -
A/N: I had absolutely no idea what to do with this one… and it shows I think… also can this be considered crackish?
"Danny you ready?"
"Give me a second Red!"
"No time! Going live in…"
"Wait wait wait!"
"3..."
"I got the popcorn!"
"2…"
"What about the block against the Justice League?!"
"1…"
"Red locked them out of the system. Now get ready!!"
"Go!"
Danny blinked as he got pushed by Superboy in front of the camera Impulse was standing behind. Behind them was Wonder Girl giving him a thumbs up with one hand and holding up giant flash cards with her other one.
"Uh Hi?"
Impulse raised an eyebrow and moved his hand in a keep going motion. Nervously Danny rubbed his neck. He looked left and right as if looking for something until his eyes focused back onto the camera. He coughed, took a deep breath, unnecessary in phantom form but helpful to calm down, before smiling and touching his hands together at their fingertips.
"Ahem. Hello, hi. Now you might be wondering. Who the fuck is that guy to interrupt my Saturday night movie program. I am Phantom, the newest member of Young Justice. King of the Ghost Zone also known as the Infinite Realms. The Dimension that's pretty much gluing our entire reality together." He gave the camera a nervous smile before he continued. "I am here to tell you on behalf of the entirety of the Infinite Realms. That you humans, of this dimension…"
Danny took a deep breath, from the corner of his eyes he saw Superboy giving another keep going sign while Red Robin was checking something on his laptop, making sure none of their mentors was trying to cut short their live feat over the entire world as well as that the subtitles worked for different language countries.
"...well you humans suck." Danny said as he breathed out, closing his eyes and pausing for a moment to let his message sink in. "Look, I get it. It's always hard finding something new, seeing change but come on. Anti-Ecto Acts? Was that necessary?"
He waved his hand around like he was thinking to find the right words while peaking at the flash card Wonder Girl was holding up.
"Like come on, can't you humans get your act together? Why hunt down an entire species just because they are different? You humans are already constantly at war with each other, aside from the idiocy of that, do you really have to add interdimensional war to that list?"
Danny chuckled nervously ignoring the additional flash card Impulse was now holding up to make him call out some of the humans' crimes against, the list mostly containing petty things Impulse didn't like. "Just so you know. I am barely keeping my council from declaring the dimensional one by the way." He added instead.
"Now you all are probably wondering what the hell this random ghost hero is talking about with no solution." He glanced to the side. " Well I have one."
Danny coughed into his hand and right his stance. "Dogs."
He held out his arms and Cujo appeared out of nowhere jumping into them. Off camera Wonder Girl coed. His ghost puppy had pretty much charmed all his hero friends since day one.
"They are loyal, awesome, cute and every beings best friend. Ancients even Superman has one!" Danny said smiling as he held up Cujo into the camera, he was glad he had remembered to infuse Red Robin's equipment with ectoplasm so the broadcast wouldn't get distorted.
"It's something we can all agree on. So, are you with me? Let's discard these stupid acts and all focus on the cuteness of little beings like him? How could anyone want to destroy his entire existence!"
"SHIT!" Red Robin cursed loudly off Camera and Danny blinked head turning towards his direction. "B got our location! Oracle ratted us out and is about to shut down the broadcast!"
"What this soon?! We didn't even get to the juicy parts yet!" Impulse complained loudly and Danny nervously faced the camera.
"Uh… Yea so.. No Anti-Ecto Acts and pro Dogs!" He summed up liften a encouraging fist up as Cujo barked happily in his arms.
"ETA 2! We need to bolt!" Red Robin shouted as Wonder Girl Rushed across the camera to open the window on the other side. Superboy was already picking up Red Robin and Impulse was gone before Red had even finished his sentence.
Phantom gave the camera one nervous smile as Cujo jumped out of his arms. "For the record. This broadcast was brought to you by sleep deprived Red and our opinion that the Justice League is taking too long!"
The next second phantom was seen rushing off to the side most likely following the others a moment later a crash was heard in the distance before the camera tilted and fell to the side. The broadcast was cut off at that point.
Unknown to the audience, a group of young hero's was rushing away from there not so secret broadcasting location, trying to escape their mentors that were not happy about their kids trying to take matters into their own hands just because 'the adults are taking to long'.
#fictober23#danny fenton#dp x dc#danny phantom#dpxdc#tim drake#conner kent#bart allan#cassie sandsmark#young justice#I have no idea what I was thinking while writing this...#the kids have enough of waiting#they decided to do a broadcast for a good cause#it was Tim's sleep deprived idea#everyone just rolled with it#it was crazy enough of an idea to work#their mentors didn't know#they are in big trouble now#Justice League is taking to long to get rid of the Anti-Ecto Acts#probably crackish#the teens have chaos energy that needs to live
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@disastertourwaterdeepedition
Sorry for the weird fucking post but like tumblr straight up ate your ask?? I had to search and screenshot from my email??
Its like super fine I love big rants and big feelings (especially about the blorbo of the month).
Whoa buddy if you wanna talk about a rant. This got so long I'm putting it under a read more.
I'm not sure any of this is above board conscious thought process. When he looks to Orym, when he thinks about how he feels about Orym, I think Dorian, king of compartmentalizing, gets a rush of all three of the things in the post. He gets a little too lost in thought looking at the way Orym's hair now tries to curl against his ear or how well tailored the armor is to his body, he first gets hit with the Will guilt. Then he thinks about "ohmygodtheresawaron" and he'd shovel all of that down. Because its not time to think about Orym and him. But he knows by the way Orym watches him "sleep". He knows by the way Orym refused to be princess carried in Aeror. (Seriously dude Dorian princess carries everyone. It would have been less suspicious if you let it happen). He knows because Orym didn't see his husband when they were in Zephrah. But when he dares himself to actually think about a possible future together, he uses the big three to shove it down. And no, he has no clue that Orym thinks he doesn't return his feelings. (Wow you're right. Pronouns are hard)
Lol to finally answer your question: I'm not sure! Because the thing is! Orym has gone down twice in a battle with Dorian there! And honestly if Orym being on death's door doesn't make either of them confess, i'm not sure what will! (thats a lie I do have an idea). But like Orym went to the moon and back and almost died on the moon and all the count communicate to Dorian was "I miss you"!! Orym nearly died twice in one battle and he didn't think to give Dorian a sloppy, "If I die again I want to have kissed you once" kiss before going in for another round of getting hacked on. Dorian watched him go down and had to bring him back from death's door (one failed save scared the shit out of me) and he didn't think to give Orym a "We need you, I need you" kiss.
My unfortunate thought process, which I can't decide if I want it to come true or not, is that Dorian has to get hurt. Like when I say hurt I fucking mean it. Taken down in a round or two, two failed death saves, hurt. Because then Orym will have to face losing Dorian again. Face losing the man he loves, again. He pours a healing potion into Dorian's mouth because warlocks don't have a single healing spell. (Just checked). Orym feels so helpless in saving Dorian, because a healing potion isn't nearly enough to keep him up. He starts to cry over Dorian's (now conscious) body. He whispers between sobs "Not again, not again. Dorian you can't leave me. I love you, please, I never got to tell you, please stay alive." and Dorian, having heard all of that, reaches up to cup Orym's cheek and says. "Alright, just for you though."
Or something like that.
As much as I would love for them to be adults and just talk to each other. I know thats not going to happen. (Please, Robbie, Liam, prove me wrong.) So I think major tragedy will be the reason they confess to each other. Because they're idiots in love with a lot of weight on their shoulders.
#sleep drunk stage door#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#dorym#written before watching 106#these two are going to be the death of me#i was thinking about DORIAN DYING all the way home from work#almost cried a few times#but like the thing is with these two idiots is that theyre both hell insecure#maybe not with each other in a way that makes them avoid each other. but orym defo does not think he deserves dorian#in whatever way you want to take that the answer is yes for all of it.#and dorian is insecure in the way that i dont know if he expects orym to get over will for him#he doesnt doubt that orym loves him. and he'd never blame him for still loving will. but dorian doesnt think hes worthy enough.#or that hes worth the effort of moving on#does any of this make sense? I was up too early and worked hard today#so sorry if this is a rambling mess.#i feel like i didn't answer your question i filled out a writing prompt.#my b#i like hearing myself talk if you couldnt tell#certified yapper
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MARS. POST THE DOODLE OF SCOTT AND CLEO CUDDLING AND MY LIFE IS YOURS
so I don't usually post doodles because I'm very self-conscious about their quality, but just for you harper
So that doodle was actually in a series of other doodles all in the theme of "literal sleeping together" because that's one of my favorite things ever, so I might as well put them all here then
#flower husbands#celestial duo#eclipse duo#whatever they're called honestly#widows alliance#chosen soulmates#mean gills#trafficblr#3rd life#last life#double life#limited life#dont talk to me about the anatomy of the flower husbands one its a doodle don't overthink it#this thing is just full of my headcanons#Scott's hair gets longer as the series goes on#pearl sleeps with her jacket because shes a freak/pos#Cleo teaches him how to braid it in double life and he carries over to martyn in limlife#scott is only wearing his jacket in double life because he's cold#scott has a tail in double life because I hc pearl to be a wolf hybrid in dl and he's bound to her#cleo planted flowers in his hair so they they can have matching traits like normal soulmates#mean gills are supposed to parallel flower husbands for reasons I'm not getting into rn#and widows alliance are supposed to parallel celestial duo#okay I will shut up now. never let me talk about scott smajor again#I didn't do secret life because 1 I couldn't figure out a pose for them#And 2 because I don't think they were close enough to ever sleep together
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Zelda & Hylia, Praying Was Never the Answer
This is probably incoherent but I'm having thoughts on Zelda and Hylia's relationship and how I don't feel that Zelda's frustrations with the goddess are completely warrented.
I don't think Hylia is the detached, cold figure that a lot of BotW fan content presents her as. The goddesses in the Zelda universe exist, they're not just theoretical or mythological and they do intervene when they have to and no goddess is as present and active in protecting mortals as Hylia.
People point out that Link is able to communicate with Hylia whenever he wants at the goddess statues and that means she must like him more than Zelda. I don't feel that's exactly the case. I doubt Link was able to hear the goddess before he pulled out the Master Sword, and wielding it to protect Hyrule is his sacred duty. Thus, his connection to the goddess is established.
Zelda ends up able to hear Fi's voice from the Master Sword when she unlocks her sacred power so it's reasonable to assume that she would be able to hear the voice of the goddess now. And I know that's fairly obvious but what I'm trying to get at is without the sacred connections, either through divine power or being the wielder of the Master Sword, you can't hear the goddess. Zelda was never going to be able to hear Hylia until her powers manifested and I don't think prayer was ever going to be how she got them.
Even if Zelda has complicated feelings about Hylia because she couldn't communicate to the goddess through prayers, Hylia was desperately trying to speak to her. One of her diary entries pretty much confirms this:
"I had a dream last night... In a place consumed by darkness, a lone woman gazed at me, haloed by binding light. I sensed she was...not of this world. I don't know if she was a fairy or a goddess, but she was beautiful. Her lips spoke urgently, but her voice did not reach me. Would I have heard her if my power was awoken?"
So it feels like the idea that Hylia is ambivalent or choosing to ignore Zelda when she prays at the springs to unlock her powers is wrong. I honestly don't think Zelda was ever going to unlock her sacred powers that way because introspective prayer is almost the antithesis of Zelda's nature, and that's true for almost all of the past Zeldas.
Zelda was a pirate, Zelda was a Sheikah warrior, Zelda was a monarch trying to lead during the darkest hour of twilight. The only reason Hylia's mortal reincarnation went to those sacred springs was to purify her body and regain her memories of her life as a warrior goddess and protector of the Triforce.
Zelda doesn't sit and pray for power when Demise's curse revives evil into the world. BotW Zelda was on the right track when she was trying to figure out the Sheikah technology, because that was the drive and the weapons she chose. Sitting and praying didn't do anything. She only gained the sealing power when she chose to protect Link, when she stepped into the role of a protector.
King Rhoam was a bad father and it's obvious and easy to blame everything on him but I really feel like it was his fundamental misunderstanding of how the goddess' sacred power worked that caused Zelda to have have such a hard time unlocking it. She was never going to awaken anything through prayer because neither Zelda nor Hylia sit on the sidelines during a crisis.
Zelda blaming Hylia for being "deaf to her devotion" when Hylia is meeting her in dreams, urgently trying to speak to her is misplaced anger. Hylia isn't ignoring her, she isn't the statues with their placid smiles, she's near screaming for her mortal self to hear her.
I'm not saying that Zelda doesn't have the right to feel like she does or people's angsty interpretations aren't good but for me? I like this idea a lot. Zelda feeling like the goddess isn't listening while Hylia feels the same way about her.
#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#zelda#princess zelda#hylia#goddess hylia#botw#loz#sorry if this is impossible to follow#I didn't sleep long enough so my brain is all muddled and foggy but I wanted to get this out
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Cross has trouble getting to sleep alone in his room and goes looking for a distraction, but ends up finding a solution for both of them
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#Kross ship#(Kinda. It's up to interpretation)#Long post#I'm so sorry I didn't mean for it to be THIS much#I started this like a week ago -A-#Lies down and lets out a long howl it's finisheeeeeed#I could have just drawn them spooning and written the rest but noooo I love to do things the hard way#Anyway I think they should be bed buddies#The company helps Cross relax enough to sleep and the touch helps knock Killer out#Cross has to be big spoon because otherwise Killer's soul gets squished and it's too uncomfortable to sleep#Also I realised Cross and Nightmare are the only two in the castle who didn't have knock knock jokes in their backstory#I like to imagine Nightmare has had similar confusing interactions with at least one of them#Cross probably spends the rest of the day panicked that he overstepped a boundary or the others will make fun of him#Not realising that Dust and Horror have fallen asleep together many times#Or that Killer hasn't slept properly in weeks and he's in heaven#I'm NOT drawing a follow up so just imagine Killer coming to Cross's room the next night and finding every excuse to stay#Because he wants it to happen again but he has no idea how to ask (and also Cross seems kinda awkward about it)#Absolutely terrified that I spent my whole week off working on this and it might be not that great so I hope at least one person likes this
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SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHO ELSE TO ASK, but you seem like an expert on lore so I just had to know, is the headcanon of "long haired, super tall, past Lilia" actually accurate?? I know he was definitely a war general back then, but I can't seem to remember if he was actually as tall as Malleus with super long hair before as well. Would you perhaps know if this is a fanon or canon concept?
I am nowhere near an expert on lore, so if I'm wrong, then hopefully someone will be able to tell us both! I'm pretty sure though that both of those are 100% fanon -- I think drawing him with long hair is mostly a quick visual shorthand for Ye Olde Past Lilia vs modern cut-his-hair-in-the-dark Lilia (and/or the artist just felt like it and honestly more power to them). that, and it's occasionally implied that he was a lot more serious back in the day, so it makes sense that he'd have a less...artistically creative hairstyle. fingers crossed we get some answers in episode 7, even if just in silhouette 👀
this is the first time I've heard of a tall Lilia theory though! he does talk about using being short to his advantage during fighting, so I think that one is pretty unlikely. ...plus I really love the idea that he was so absolutely terrifying as a soldier that people were shitting themselves at the sight of this skinny little 5'2" goblin with the build of an uncooked spaghetti noodle. he doesn't need a height advantage to do terrible things to your internal organs! ✨👍✨
(and anyway, if he did want to be taller than Malleus, he's not above cheating)
#art#for a given definition of art#twisted wonderland#to be fair malleus can also fly so at some point it's just going to turn into a tall-off#they launch themselves into space and are never seen again#some say they're still out there...trying to get one more inch over on each other...#is it obvious i didn't get enough sleep today or
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some of my favourite hunger games pages from my sketchbook, mostly from 2023 and also Annie Cresta centred, bc I was doing a comic about her at the time
#got a new scanner by suprise#like real suprise#bc the neigbour called my mom at like 11pm asking if she want a scanner with printer bc they are throwing it away#and mom was like yeah sure why not#the school is killing me at the moment so thought why not post old sketchbook things since I don’t have anything new finished atm#Like last week i've slept total of 21 hours across the whole week#and normally my naps sometimes are like 18h long if im really tired#like i know that bragging how little sleep someone get is super cringe#But if you scroll long enough you'll probably find things from my hamilton phase i didn't delate so if I really cared about being cringe#I should take care of that first#well anyway#the hunger games#thg fanart#hunger games fanart#thg#fanart#annie cresta#annie cresta fanart#finnick odair#finnick odair fanart#mags flanagan#mags fanart#johanna mason#johanna mason fanart#colored sketch#sketchbook art#sketchbook page#my art#my sketchbook#sketchbook dump
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playlist or no playlist I am losing my fucking mind, by the time I get my shit together and start feeling a tiny bit alright the sun starts going down and I am plunged into despair (and this is despite living in MEXICO)
#flashbacks to the utter irrational despair of a providence winter#this is nothing in comparison but#at least I had my housemates and campus and an art building or a library to go to and work even in the snowy dead of night#now it is me just me in my apartment with my post-pandemic agoraphobia and ghost of a social life and heartache#vacillating over whether or not to get my ass out of the house and go to a café to sit alone and work as if this were an actual problem#the actual problem is that I have been on the verge of an anxiety attack at all times and that is still not an actual problem#but I am struggling to focus and struggling to get anything done at all and there are so goddamn many things to get done#and I spent yesterday reading a pop neuroscience self-help book and taking notes like a maniac instead of working & now the sunday scaries#absolute dysfunction#nightmares every time I go to sleep#I am back to meditating and exercising and doing fucking affirmations and going to therapy and it helps it does but it's not enough#all of this awful shit from the past 10 years just flooding my subconscious day and night#and even just getting back into this thesis means facing the reasons I put it on hold in the first place and those were fucking dark days#just want to have a properly good day#just want to get this thing done and be able to focus on getting more paid work and get myself out of this hole#just need to get my entire fucking life together it's no big deal#just having a minor meltdown in the tags it's fine#it's just since the breakup & since the girls visited & for two brief moments I didn't feel alone – everything is hitting me inside and out#and it feels like I have no right to be this much of a mess when things could be so much worse on so many levels#when it comes down to it even with everything that's happened I still know I'm lucky – I'm alive I'm here I'm technically okay#and nevertheless
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