#I didn't even go to college until I was like 23 and I did it for parental approval from my semi-estranged father
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the stupid thing is I wasn't even a gifted kid. I was firmly mediocre for my entire time as a student and then dropped out of college and burned out anyway because getting middling grades and doing the bare minimum was just so exhausting I guess.
#I'm just not good at human-ing I should have been a capybara or perhaps a jellyfish#I didn't even go to college until I was like 23 and I did it for parental approval from my semi-estranged father#it didn't really work#I always kind of lowkey hoped that one day they'd find out there was something fixably Wrong with me that made me like this#I don't think there is#I just have a predisposition toward being the family disappointment#at least I have a mildly successful sims 4 cc patreon#my father would be rolling in his grave over how I'm living my life if we hadn't cremated him
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I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.
A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.
However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.
I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."
I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.
I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.
While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.
I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.
Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.
AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.
What are these acronyms?
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the people's princess | charles leclerc social media au
pairing: charles leclerc x princess!reader (selin yagcioglu faceclaim)
everyone thought charles was the princess of monaco but when the real one comes out hiding and slowly inserts herself into the world of f1, suddenly 2 princesses don't seem so bad i know very little about royalty and monarchs so uhh dont come for me
princessyn.updates
liked by dailyceleb, monaco.daily and 25,91 others
princessyn.updates meet the 22-year-old Princess, who is set to be Monaco's first female monarch since the 17th century. Y/N has kept out of the spotlight for much of her youth as she focused on academics until recently where it is announced she attended Collège Alpin Beau Soleil in Switzerland and Kings College of London
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genzprincesses where the hell has she been hiding
userjanessa this is now a y/n fan account
perceval_lordsharl this is a lie, charles leclerc is the TRUE princess of monaco
monacomonarchynews
liked by monaco.daily, princessyn.updates and 18,103 others
monacomonarchynews The 23-year-old Princess, Y/N is the only child of Albert II, Prince of Monaco. Y/N has studied abroad in the United States, Sweden and in Dubai up until recently. She has now returned to Monaco and has shifted her studies to the Monarchy.
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userjanessa this is conflicting information
ynismommy hello didn't another account say shes 22 and studied in switzerland and london?? what is the truth
allthefandoms so no one knows anything about her is what it seems like
fantasy_leagues_lewis kinda sus...charles would never
driverupdates
liked by carlossleclerc, paddocklewis and 17,204 others
driverupdates charles leclerc seen back in monaco following the australian grand prix!
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hunnyseb he's calling fred and putting in his 2 weeks after the chaos that was sunday
sharls16 hes angry but he's pretty
pole.positions he needs this break more than any other driver lmaaao
yn.ofmonaco
liked by daily.celeb, ynfanclub and 19,182 others
yn.ofmonaco happy to be home
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ynfanclub she is the moment
userjanessa i've been WAITING for her first post and the princess did not dissapoint
sharls16 maybe charles will be in a better mood once he meets the literal princess of monaco
happyhamilton ??? are they. .. supposed to meet? sharls16 i mean, why wouldn't they? he's f1 royalty and she's ROYALTY royalty both from monaco lestappen i would pay so much money to see them together r u kidding
princessyn.updates
liked by ynismommy, monaco.daily and 24,192 others
princessyn.updates Y/N has just arrived at the Fondation Prince Albert II de Monaco Gala ! This is the first public event she has attended but we hope to see more of her as she settles into life as a Royal in Monaco
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ynismommy okay i luv her
yellowferrari wait didn't charles go to this thing last year?? what if he's here this year too 👀👀
charschumick ARE WE GONNA GET A ROYAL ON ROYAL MEET UP FINALLY
yn.ofmonaco
liked by lewishamilton, princessyn.updates and 46,102 others
yn.ofmonaco so happy to have been able to attend the Fondation Prince Albert II de Monaco gala tonight, as a girl i was always so inspired by my father and what he has given back to this country. I can't wait to have a bigger role in this organisation moving forward ♡
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ynismommy oh shes smart kind AND charitable
user.schumacher if charles doesn't date her i will
ferrarisandmclarens lewis hamilton what are you doing here in her likes
gussellreorge im sorry but the fact that she doesnt even follow 8 time world champion lewis hamilton but he's still out here liking her pictures...like the drivers know shes a catch leclercswatch idc about her and lewis i care about the non-existent her and charles
princessyn.updates
liked by charles_leclerc, monaco.daily and 28,216 others
princessyn.updates Princess Y/N is back in Boston this week as she has been invited to be a keynote speaker at Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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usermclaren ok so we all heard that charles liked this post and came here to see if it was true right
sharl16 he's making moves usermclaren is he?
bottasspls so is she a business bitch or a princess
ynismommy both
charles_leclerc added to their story
yn.ofmonaco
liked by lewishamilton, princessyn.updates and 59,827 others
yn.ofmonaco What a whirlwind couple of days! I will never take anything in life for granted, thank you mitsloan for inviting me back to speak to future graduates and thank you to the kind stranger at the train station who helped me figure out where I was going (also I just learned what a photo dumb was...did I do it right?)
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ynismommy sweetheart its a photo DUMP
mclarenstractors my favorite thing about Y/N is that she understands social media about as much as my 45 year old mother does
pierregasly 8/10 on the boston dump
yn.ofmonaco That's a passing grade, I will take it!
francisca.cgomes
liked by pierregasly, joris__trouche and 32,765 othes
francisca.cgomes what's better than a last minute trip to nyc
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pierregasly you almost said no
francisca.cgomes but i made it
camii_18 her and pierre are so cute 🥺🥺
bottastappen am i insane or is that the princess of monaco herself in that last picture
ynismommy Y/N was hanging out with kika AND pierre?? i need a 2000 word essay on how this came to be with citations
sharlandsainz but where is charles why isn't he in any photos or did he leave before the princess showed up 🥲
inthepits.podcast added to their story
yn.ofmonaco
liked by francisca.cgomes, charles_leclerc and 53,102 others
yn.ofmonaco Art has always been a passion of mind and to be able to accompany Establishment Preschool Des Carmes during their trip to the art gallery was so inspiring and I hope to do it again soon with other schools
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ynfanclub she is quite literally an angel
formulafirstpls i have it in my head that she is genuinely the sweetest person to ever exist and honestly, i think i'm right
francisca.cgomes 🥹🥹
charles_leclerc Quelle expérience amusante! What a fun experience!
yn.ofmonaco Tu devrais nous rejoindre la prochaine fois! You should join us next time! liked by charles_leclerc
charles_leclerc
liked by yn.ofmonaco, pierregasly and 412,103 others
charles_leclerc miamiiiii 🌴☀️🏎 ready for the weekend
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scuderiaferrari game face on
f1mia we're ready for the ferrari boys 🏎❤️
yn.ofmonaco Make Monaco proud!
charles_leclerc i will do my best 😊
yn.ofmonaco
liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 78,102 others
yn.ofmonaco It only makes sense that my first Grand Prix is Monaco❤️ While I'm thankful for the experiences I had as a child that led me to studying around the world, I must say it's an incredible feeling to be home and cheering on charles_leclerc and scuderaferrari 🏁
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scuderiaferrari and we're so happy to have you here ❤️
ynismommy SHES CHEERING ON CHARLES
ynfanclub WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE HE'S LITERALLY FROM MONACO
sharl16 one princess cheering on another princess
charles_leclerc 😊😊😊😊
scuderiaferrari
liked by yn.ofmonaco, carlossainz55 and 513,443 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
scuderiaferrari And for the first time Charles Leclerc is a RACE WINNER at his home race, the pinnacle of Motorsport, THE MONACO GRAND PRIX🏁🏎😎 Well deserved win for our Monegasque driver❤️
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charles_leclerc thank you thank you❤️
yn.ofmonaco Well deserved indeed! Well done charles_leclerc!
charles_leclerc thank you y/n😊 means even more that you and your family were there to watch today liked by yn.ofmonaco yellowferraris this is not a drill, the princess of monaco has FINALLY followed charles back and now they are being all cute and friendly in the comments hannah_notmontana she was waiting for him to actually make monaco proud before tossing the follow 💀💀
yn.ofmonaco
liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 155,283 others
yn.ofmonaco Had to go through the archives to find this one, but congratulations to my longtime friend charles_leclerc for his Monaco win today! Sundays are officially my new favourite day of the week❤️
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charles_leclerc so much love for you, merci y/n
ynfanclub YA'LL THEY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS THIS WHOLE TIME ARE YOU KIDDING
ynismommy oh my good god we've been bamboozled
pierregasly now that the princess is out of hiding you have to give the crown back charles_leclerc
yn.ofmonaco What does this mean? pierregasly charles has been deemed monaco's princess since you have been gone🤣 charles_leclerc 😐😐😐 yn.ofmonaco Ohh, it's okay charles_leclerc you can keep the crown as long as I get the title haha charles_leclerc i am not a princess scuderiaferrari not with that attitude liked by yn.ofmonaco and pierregasly
aaaand im back with another long smau hehe this was fun, if you made it this far thank you and ily and check out my masterlist here
#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc instagram au#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc social media au#charles leclerc#f1 social media au#social media au#f1#f1 one shot#f1 instagram au#f1 requests#holllandtrash#cl16 x reader#cl16
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not about love. (part 4 & final)
read: part one || part two || part three
pairing: college loser!ellie williams x fem!reader
synopsis: after ellie kisses someone else, you run. then, you run again. at the end? she finally fucking chases you.
warnings: some miscommunication, slight angst, alcohol & weed, mentions of homophobia (d slur), smut (mdni), oral (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), scissoring, top!ellie, bottom!reader, panties kink (?), mentions of strap, first time w ellie, love love love <3
authors note: i had so much fun writing this. i hope you guys like it. i’m still thinking about a short part five, but well see how it goes ˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:
"(The Party & The After Party -The Weeknd)"
01:23 ━━━━●───── 03:43
ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ
---˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹---
it's funny, how guilt begins with a subtle tickle. it's delicate at first, ignited like a gentle caress down her throat. it is not like jealousy, that dawns on you with a thud right inside. for her, for ellie, it's almost like a whisper. it glides down her body, maneuvers its way around, and then it lands inside the pit of her stomach, making it churn, toss and twist from the insides out, like an ever erupting ticking bomb.
she shouldn't have kissed that girl, that, she knew. the answer to why, she truly doesn't know— don't ask her no stupid questions. she knew it was wrong when she slid her tongue down her throat, knew it was wrong when she took the back of her neck into her palm, and felt how wrong it was when she looked deep into her eyes, panting, with a ruby blush creeping up on her cheeks. it wasn't because you left, god knows she would have felt how wrong it was even if you didn't, but alas, you did. you did leave. and that's why right at this second— her brain was fuzzy, knuckles colored white, legs moving faster and faster with no control.
truly, what ellie did wasn't wrong, neither was it selfish. you weren't a couple, she didn't belong to you, and neither you to her. she was a free woman, and so were you. and yet, your imaginations told a completely different tale. the truest colors of your thoughts— ready to erupt and spill out of you as if tomorrow never came.
she must have bumped into at least twenty sweaty, inebriated bodies. the outside world seemed to move and twist in a blur, but her mind moved oh so slowly. it was as if walking to the bathroom, took her over two hours. in reality, it took exactly three minutes, until she bumped into one extraordinarily tall man.
he rocked a bleach blonde buzz cut, a red bandana on his forehead, and ridiculously tiny sunglasses.
"yo— williams!" he declared, stopping her right in her tracks. she looked up to face him, and he was much, much taller.
"dude, look" he said, pointing right at her face, grabbing the attention of his ridiculous looking, slightly shorter pal.
"that's the girl alison likes!" he shouted, and she could feel the beer stench creeping up in her nostrils, making them twist.
"bro, you must be something special, she almost bribed the shit out of kyle just to make you kiss her"
ellie looked around the corridor, her eyes darting from his face to the floor. people... want to kiss her? it made her feel proud, inflating her ego and making it swell hard in her chest. a second later, it completely wore off. she didn't give a fuck about people— not about most of them.
"yeah, hey dude" she huffed, her lips curling up to a shy smile.
"so tell me, williams— did you scissor on the floor?" he interrogated.
"really gotta go to the bathroom" she voiced.
"no dude, wait... let me ask, i’m fucking interested" he uttered, blocking her path and leaning against the cream-colored wall with his arm.
"do lesbians actually fucking scissor?" his shorter friend questioned.
ellie always had a short temper. it would creep up on her when she least expected it, jolting inside of her brain and making the vein on her forehead pop. lately, she's been listening to some guided meditation on youtube. angela, was the name of the lady who's gentle voice she would listen to every once in a while. "deep breath in, and let it out... think of the rain, pouring and pouring, tickling down your window... and let yourself breatheee..." ellie took a deep breath in, and exhaled.
"y'all should send me a video when you're done fucking"
yeah, fuck angela.
"move out of the fucking way man, i gotta piss" she raised her tone slightly. maybe angela's voice still rung in her ears, because she didn't even consider punching him in the face.
"not fucking moving, williams— c'mon, we wanna fucking know all about it"
ellie might have been shorter by several inches, but god knows she was much stronger. with a firm grip on his bicep, she exerted her power and effortlessly tossed him to the side.
"fucking dyke" he snickered.
"die asshole" she uttered, and flipped him off.
the bathroom seemed to be closer, and her pacing was steadier. she was going to talk to you, that's it.
she opened the door, and exhaled. she didn't even know she had been holding her breath. the coppery scent of cigarettes, and overwhelmingly sweet, citrusy bathroom incense tickled at her nose. four women stood in front of the broken mirror. a blonde one, a brunette, one with braids, and one with a big cap on her head. they either giggled at each other, or to themselves, ellie truly didn't care.
"is there anyone in the stalls?" she questioned in a low voice. they clearly couldn't hear, her words barely audible over the overwhelming music that blared from outside.
she cleared her throat, and tried again.
"are the stalls empty?"
the brunette turned around to face her, a radiant smile spreading across her face, revealing a row of gleaming teeth.
"i dunno" she huffed, and turned around to face the friend by her side.
"but you can—" she stifled a giggle, and then it erupted.
"piss on the floor" she quipped, earning herself the symphony of her friend's breathless, intoxicated laughter.
"great" ellie muttered under her breath. just great.
she turned around to face the stalls, and began.
one knock, two knocks— she felt that guilt twisting in her stomach again.
fuck it, she fully banged on the door. those girls left, after they side eyed her shameless, and walked off. if you were anywhere to be found in that bathroom, it was just the two of you now.
she propelled her foot forward at the door, it swung open, propelled by the force, creating a resounding bang against the wall, echoing twice. the air caressed her face, and she shivered. It was not the chill of the room that caused her tremor. what if you weren't there? what if you left?
the third stall's door she kicked as well, and she couldn't hide her disappointment anymore.
"fuck" she hissed.
the fourth one must be empty as well. she didn't exactly believe in luck. she kicked it, the door budged slightly, but it didn't fly open. it was locked.
you lifted your legs up to meet your chin, holding yourself together in a hug. you felt absolutely embarrassed. you knew you didn't have any right to get like this. the tears swelling up in your eyes and the mascara running all over your cheeks, clinging itself to the delicate skin, making it itch and burn had no right to even exist. she didn't belong to you.
she knocked on the door again.
"you in there?" she croaked. did you hear the guilt lacing her words? it was buried inside of her stomach, after all.
"no... i mean— fuck" you sniffled, bumping your palm on your forehead. "no?" really?
"open the door" she uttered.
silence.
"please?"
you wiped the tears from your eyes, and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe the mascara running profusely, leaving dark, messy spots on your cheeks.
"i’m peeing, ellie— go away"
"no you're not, open the door"
she must have heard you sniff away your snot gathering on the tip of your nostrils.
"i just wanna talk" she quietly said, her voice just above a whisper. ellie stood there, her arm steady on the door, waiting for you to let her in.
"dont wanna" *sniff* "talk"
she took a deep breath. "im not moving. i could stay here all night" you knew she could.
"well..." *sniff* "so can i" you hiccuped.
"cool"
"cool" you repeated.
ellie turned her back away from the door, and leaned against it. three whole minutes of absolute silence had passed, neither of you talking, but so much left unsaid. when the image of ellie kissing that girl flashed inside of your brain, hitting you like a lighting bolt, you giggled to yourself.
"what's so funny?" she questioned, crossing her arms.
"shouldn't you be with your new girlfriend?"
that was it for you. no more hiding. if hurt was the main feeling your heart held just five minutes ago, it mixed around with the tangy, salty taste of jealousy now, laced with the spiciness of anger. you twisted the doorknob, and let it fly open, bumping against ellie's back, making her jump to the other side.
you truly couldn't care if she knew you were crying. what's the point of hiding anymore? who gives a fuck. perhaps— it was sudden wind of courage washing over you. most likely— it was the plastic cup filled with cheap vodka cranberry emptying out inside of your stomach. you placed the cup on the sink, and washed your hands. you didn't even glance at ellie, who stared at you in disbelief.
"what the fuck are you talking about?" she probed, her arms slapping down on her thighs.
"alison, duh"
ellie swallowed deeply.
"or arielle or... whatever the hell her name is" you glanced at yourself in the mirror, you looked like a mess. ellie thought you looked beautiful, she wanted to tell you the moment you came out of the building.
she didn't even know what to say, her eyes staring at the floor, attempting to keep it together.
"was the kiss nice?" you wiped your hand on your skirt.
"it looked nice. so hot!" you nudged her shoulder. every single word that came out of your mouth sounded like you had just run a marathon. they flowed out quick, and even the dumbest person alive would know you were talking out of pure jealousy. maybe ellie was even dumber than him.
"what's gotten into you?" she muttered.
"nothing! happy my best friend's gonna get finally ged laid.. god knows you needed it, el" you patted her head. oh, you were done for.
ellie's eyebrows rose. deep, deep breaths. she stood mute, letting you finish your little speech.
it was as if someone pinned up the apple's of your cheeks together and forced you to smile.
"how long has it been since you fucked?" you tilted your head. you didn't make eye contact, you just stared right between her eyebrows. if you looked at her, you'd have probably burst crying.
"let alone... kissed somebody"
ellies tongue brushed the side of her mouth, and her jaw clenched.
"why are you asking me this?"
you averted your gaze to the side, your breath caged in your throat.
"because were best friends, and best friends talk about these thing! and... you really needed to fucking get some pu—"
she moved closer. you couldn't not face her now. you looked into her eyes and god it fucking hurt. there it was again. dont cry, dont fucking cry.
"how long..." it was as if her eyes were chasing yours. look at me, look at me. "has it been for you?"
your entire face felt like it was fucking itching. your nails dug little crescent moons into your palms. her breath tickled your nose and you swore, you've never been this close to her. you tried focusing on her freckles, counting them inside of your mind, pretending to connect the dots in a thin line. it hurt knowing that she must have seen them this close up too.
"this isn't about me, so" you whispered. you wanted to sound assertive, and aggressive, but you failed miserably. you just sounded ridiculous and sad.
"i think it is" she whispered, too. matching you completely. her lips were so plump and they felt so close and—
"why did you cry?"
"i did not cry" is it really a lie, if she knows the truth already?
"tell me" god, she smelled like the most intoxicating thing in the world. your ellie. or not your ellie, just ellie.
"leave me alone" you mumbled.
"no"
"m'not leaving you alone"
you could kiss her now. you could feel her lips brush against yours and you could kiss her, and tell her everything she wants to know, because god knows she needs it.
you were a coward.
you left, and she didn't chase you. she was a coward too.
she needed a fucking blunt.
────────────
the air felt crisp and biting against her skin. the moon, obscured by thick clouds, offered only glimpses of its pale light. shadows danced and flickered, and the distant howl of the wind rung in her ears. the blunt was delicately held between her fingers, and wisps of smoke curled and swirled in the air around her. she took a leisurely drag, and sighed.
she wasn't new to being alone. she liked bathing in solace, surrounded by her thoughts. usually, it felt nice, and it calmed her down. you, you were anything but calming. being alone was like a sunny beach day. being with you was a storm. you made her palms sweat and her heart beat faster. sometimes, she swore she might have a heart attack. you were her best friend, but it never truly felt like it. best friends tell each other everything, best friends hug and they hold each others hands. best friends dont disappear when the sun sets because they are afraid of what might happen in the dark, and they certainly don't feel like there's no more air left to breathe when they're around each other. they dont touch themselves thinking of each other, and their world doesn't crush upon them when they show interest in other people.
she wasn't your best friend, and neither were you her's.
ellie takes another hit. then, she remembers that one day in tenth grade. you both walked home from school, and you stopped right in your tracks. you asked her if she feels weird around you, if this peculiar feeling creeps up on her from time to time as well. when she asked you what you meant, you told her that sometimes it feels like she isn't your friend. that it feels like the universe has glued you two together, but not for the reason she thinks. when she asked you what you thought it was for, you shrugged, and told her that only time will tell. she felt her insides turn and her ears burned bright red. then, you sighed, and said; "maybe were soulmates" she had to stop herself from grinning, or fucking exploding, and her heart missed a beat. "platonic ones, obviously... maybe were not supposed to be best friends, just two souls who float around each other. you got any snacks? m'starving"
she flicks the blunt and the ashes fall down on the grass. she brings it to her lips again, and shuts her eyes close.
"ellie?"
she opens them fast and turns her head around. it takes her a moment to recognize, as the high washes over her body, but she finally sees.
alison.
"can i sit with you?" she asks while moving closer, and gives her a timid smile.
ellie clears her throat, and drags her body over to the side.
"sure"
the ginger sits next to her, and she relaxes her face.
they sit in silence for a moment.
"t'was a nice kiss" she whispers, and ellie looks at her from the corner of her eye. she should feel shy, and nervous being around the girl she had just kissed. for some reason, she doesn't.
"yeah..." ellie affirms.
"t'was"
the girl looks at the ground, and then looks at ellie again. she smiles, and breathes deeply.
"i wasn't the one you wanted to kiss though" she remarks, and lays her back comfortably against the bench.
"mmph— what do you mean?" ellie feels it now. the nervousness. it wasn’t there before.
"your friend" she bites her lip. she's not looking at ellie anymore, she's staring at the ground.
"what... friend?"
"the one who ran off"
ellie doesn't speak, just brings her lips to form a tight line. was it that... obvious?
"i mean... did you at least go after her? she asks, and she says it kindly, like she cares. weird.
ellie takes a second to respond. she considers denying it, running off just like you did. fuck it, she's high enough.
"yes" is all she mutters, and its quiet. she thinks this is the first time she ever talked about it out loud. only her journal knows, her brave soldier holding on to all of her little secrets, and now, alison knows too.
"and... did something happen?"
she wishes something did.
"no she— she ran off. again, so" she takes another drag, and it burns in her throat. she needs a glass of water, a cool one. maybe she needs a bucket to fall on her head too.
"and you didn't chase her?" the girl questions again. ellie feels like she's being interrogated. for some reason she doesn't even begin to understand, she feels relieved in a way, too. who knew talking could be so... nice. maybe its the high, she wonders.
"she clearly... doesn't want me around so— why would i chase her" that sentence carried a sadness to it. her voice broke when she spoke, and she feels like slapping herself across the cheek. she offers alison the blunt, and the girl takes it in between her fingers, and nods.
"so you just... let her go?"
ellie doesn't respond. she wants her blunt back. talking isn't nice, she decides.
"can i ask you a personal question?" alison takes a drag before ellie responds.
"you already sort of did so, be my guest"
"are you in love with her?"
ellie's breath hitches inside her throat, and she feels like digging a hole in the ground and burying herself inside. she knew she was, but it didn't fucking matter. you weren't in love, and that was that.
"people in this college are fucking weird, man" she comments, and in one second she has the blunt right between her fingers again. finally.
"yeah... heard this crazy girl banged up on all of the bathroom doors and started kicking the stalls"
"ah" she huffs.
"touché"
its silent for a second before she asks her again.
"what do you feel when you're around her?"
"are you a psych major by any chance?" she questions, narrowing her eyes.
"yep. so, let me psychoanalyze you. pretend its for my... project or something. i ask you questions, you respond... and then i get a super good grade thanks to you"
she bites her lips, and looks to the side. she considers hiding herself inside of the bush till the girl goes away.
"i'm your therapist, go 'head"
ellie rolls her eyes, and considers. fucking fuck it. maybe writing this shit on paper isn't enough.
"i feel like i can't breathe around her, sometimes. like... there's this fucking thing"
"what thing?"
"fucking... god... thing it’s a fucking thing. i have to stop myself from doing shit... s'fucking stupid."
alison smiles. and she nudges ellie on and on till she speaks again.
"its like— every time i'm fucking around her, it physically hurts me... that I ca— that I can't fucking have her. or that... it like, tingles in my fucking hands. and my fucking heart starts beating and my brain goes all foggy and I feel like I'm going to fucking faint. I want to be around her, I fucking want to— but every time she's next to me I feel like im gonna vomit. and she makes me fucking sick and I just wanna hold her and..."
she's never breathed so deeply in her life.
"that's... a lot" alison mutters.
"yeah..." ellie takes another drag, and barely exhales.
"doesn't fucking matter anyways. she doesn't see me that way."
alison's eyebrows rise up, and she looks at ellie like she's fucking stupid.
"ellie... she saw you kiss me and she fucking ran away. like, she physically ran away. are you blind? or are you stupid?"
"did you just call me stupid?" ellie huffs. was she? was she stupid?
"listen to me" she begins, and forces ellie to look her in the eyes.
"it's like..." the girl takes a peak at her iphone screen.
"1:30am."
"okay?" ellie huffs. her stomach's turning again.
"you're in love with this girl, and if you don't go after her right now it's gonna be too late"
"i can go tomorrow" ellie whispers. she won't. shed go back to her old habits of hiding and pining till her brain burns.
"you won't"
"fuck" she mutters under her breath.
"go!" the girl yells, and nudges ellie's arm.
"okay like— right fucking now?" ellie says loudly, and she feels her feet fucking lifting her up off of the bench, like she again, has no control over her body.
"right now, go!"
she curses herself out under her breath. fuck. it.
ellie starts running, and running, and running, and her shoes are meeting the ground with loud bangs, flopping up and down against her ass. she didn't to track in high school, but if coach charlie saw her now, he'd sign her up and shed get a full fucking athlete's scholarship. she feels her heart thudding in her ears, and she has no time to even think. what the fuck is she doing? where is she going? what if you'll tell her to go the fuck away? what if she's delusional, completely braindead, she wonders to herself for a tiny second, as she catches her breath.
and then— the image of you, mascara running down your cheeks flashes in her brain.
you cried, because she kissed another fucking girl.
"m'not— fucking" she pants,
"delusional"
she's standing right in front of rockefeller housing. brown cobblestone, as if each brick and mortar had witnessed countless stories unfold within its hallowed halls. she gets a hold of herself, before her heart punctuates in her chest, and stands still, chest heaving up and down. she looks up at your room's window, and its standing lit. you're still awake. she feels like she just won the fucking lottery.
she almost whoo hoo's! but she's way too "cool" for that. so she walks slowly, pats herself on the shoulder, and yells a loud;
"fuck yes!"
"shut the fuck up!"
oh shit. she just woke someone up.
────────────
how corny was it to lounge inside of your room, alone, the mellow tunes of lana's "ultraviolence" playing from your antique turntable?
very corny.
but you didn't mind. your tears had dried up already, and you were comfy in pretty white silk pajama's, a bowl of cheddar popcorn and that same goddamn boxed wine.
someone just screamed a terrifyingly loud "shut the fuck up!" from outside of your window. you'd have laughed, usually, but your mind was occupied. you felt tortured, and sickly, and why the fuck did you leave like that? it was embarrassing, truly, she watched you cry, and you interrogated her with bizarre, passive aggressive questions that would make the calmest man alive want to bash his head against the wall.
"breakfast at tiffanys" played on the television, and cat just ran away. you pouted, and sighed deeply. you were too tired now, and your eyelids felt heavy. you lifted yourself off of the bed, and made your way to turn off the lights, and drift away.
knock knock knock.
who the fuck is knocking at your door at 2am? it must be your roommate, jen, returning from the party.
you twist the doorknob, and yawn.
oh god.
"ellie?"
she gulps. she looks down on the floor, and up at you again. she looks absolutely panicked, and her bangs are sticking to her forehead. three of her hair strands formed a sweet little heart shape filled with sweat. her hand is shaking and she would have pounced right on you and fucking kissed you already if she had the fucking courage—
you step back.
"what are you doing here?" you quip, and your voice is so small and sweet that it truly kills her inside.
"i would've—" she takes a small step and enters inside of your room. she looks around, and the candles and the fucking lana playing in the background and she's sure she's gonna be sick because you're so fucking cute and your eyes are puffy and lips all swollen like they had been stung by a bee, and she wants to be your medicine and kiss them so hard you fall on the floor, but all she can mutter is;
"fucking brought you something... but it was all closed— all the fucking stores were closed because its the middle of the fucking night"
"what stores... wha— what are you talking about?" you whisper as you take a step back, you want to offer her a glass of water because she's sweating but you just can't.
"fuck— fucking flower shop or something, or those fucking chocolate covered fruits you like or—“
"what?" you mutter, breathless as if you were the one who just ran a marathon.
"you cried" she points a finger at you. you back away, taking a small step to further yourself away from her.
"you cried because i kissed another girl" she huffs, and her eyebrows scrunch together.
"I didn't—" you try and interrupt, unsuccessfully.
"you cried and that means that you fucking— you dont want me to kiss other girls"
you bite your lip so hard it feels like it might start drawing blood and run all over your chin. oh no.
"you want me to kiss— fuck it"
a supernova. as a dying star unleashes its final act, igniting in like a cosmic firework, it paints the galaxy like a canvas. shades of ruby red, sapphire blue, and shimmering gold intermingle together and create the most beautiful piece of art the universe has ever witnesses.
that's what it felt like when her lips were on yours.
they brushed up against you as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and perhaps it was.
when you imagined your first kiss with ellie, convinced you were indulging yourself in pure delusion, you thought it would be soft, and gentle. it felt as if her lips were running away from yours, and you had to chase them to meet against you again.
this kiss, was anything but. so perhaps you were delusional, but not in the heartbreaking way.
when her tongue first met yours, intertwining itself so perfectly, swirling around fervently inside of your mouth, bumping into your teeth and pulling you in, her lips sucking on it like she'd die if you ever pulled back, gentle was the last word you could use to describe it.
hungry, and ravenous, it was.
her knees felt like the were going to give up beneath her, and leave her a crumpled mess on the floor. if she thought that being around you felt like her heart was thudding out of her chest, kissing you was much, much worse. kissing you made her feel like her heart left her already, and leaped right into your being.
she broke the kiss first, refusing to open her eyes. so did you, you couldn't believe it was actually happening.
"you..." she whispered, and her breath tickled your nose.
"i..." you whispered in response. there were no words you could mutter, they would never come out coherent enough.
"ive..." she huffed.
"wanted to do this for so fucking—"
you brought your lips together to meet again. this time, it was softer, and gentle, but you didn't have to chase her away, because she stayed.
"me too" you whispered, or fully whined, you truly didn't know.
"no you dont..."
"you dont understand" she cupped your cheeks between her palms, she wouldn't even open her eyes, afraid of what she might do if she opened them and realized it was only just a dream.
"i do" you plead. her hands were warm and your cheeks were scorching hot against them.
"i need you"
"you need me?"
"it hurts"
"what hurts?" she whispered as she brushed her finger on your cheek. it was delicate, and soft.
"my heart" you hiccuped, a broken sob escaping your lips. you couldn't hold it in anymore, and a fat tear streamlined down your face, like a little river, rolling down inside of ellie's palm.
she wanted to kiss you again, but she had to hear you say it.
"when i'm... not with you— when i can't... and when you kissed her" you sobbed. "it hurt so bad"
"it hurt me too"
"please kiss me aga—“
so she did. again, and again, and again, till your throat felt dry and you kept seeing stars erupting inside of your brain.
chest against chest, heaving up and down on each other, she caressed your waist, and pulled you closer. when the kissed deepened again, you moaned, and it got swallowed inside of her mouth.
"you can't do that or i won't... fuck— won't be able to fucking stop"
"do what?" you asked, your bottom lip still brushing against her top one.
"can't make those sounds"
"w— why?" your chest caressed her's, and it was ellie's turn to let out a deep grunt.
"because ive thought... ive wa— i think about you all the fucking time like this"
"me too..." you admitted, breathing in her scent.
she wanted to ask you exactly what you thought about. she wanted to hear you say it, in exact, firm sentences. do you touch yourself thinking about her too? that would make her fucking lose her mind. instead, she took you in her arms, and banged you up against the wall.
thud "oh god" you hiccuped.
"yeah?" she teased, breathless. she wanted to do it better, wanted to sound more firm and stern and make you beg and tell her and whine on the floor but she was too fucking desperate for that right now.
"m'gonna— fuck" she hissed, when your tits grazed her's again.
"is this happening?" she whispered, and held your waist so tight in her arms. her body heat against yours made you completely shiver. she traced small circles on your hips but when you bucked forward her hands started shaking. she traced squares, or squiggly lines, or full on octagons.
"it's happening" you whispered back, and every time her lips brushed against yours it reminded you of how real everything was.
"can i touch you?"
"please" you whined, and you felt the saliva gathering and pooling on your bottom lip, mixing with hers.
ellie brushed her forehead against yours. she caressed it up and down, she needed to feel how your skin felt against her's because god knows she's truly spent so much time thinking about it and it didn't feel real, she needed it to feel real, so she begged;
"open your eyes"
you did. they fluttered open as your lashes flickered up and down and she chased you with her eyes again, until they directly met her's.
"tell me how bad you need this"
you gulped harshly, and it made a soft little sound. you felt absolutely limp against her, like you could crush down on the floor at any given moment.
she never thought she'd hear those words, outside of her dreamworld, sound asleep at 4am.
"i need— ellie i need it so bad" you whimpered, and she felt it twitch inside her fucking boxers, but felt it tug at her heart even more. how could have she been so fucking blind?
she opened her mouth, and she almost kept her eyes open whilst she kissed you because she needed to fucking see everything. she needed to see your eyebrows squint and your eyes close shut, your breath hitch and your hand drop from her shoulder, and then go up to grab her shoulder again and squeeze.
ellie, ellie couldn't help it anymore.
she caressed her hand up from the navel of your stomach, slowly grazing her finger up and up and up, till they met your breast and fuck she wanted to ask you if it was okay but the way you moaned inside of her mouth when she gave the cup a little squeeze, signaled her that she could do whatever the hell she wanted because you've always. been. her's.
as her tongue swirled with yours, warm saliva practically running out and streamlining from the corner of her mouth, she grazed her finger on top of your clothed nipple.
she separated her lips from yours, and moved her head back to look at you.
"you know how fucking crazy you drive me?" she pecked your lips forcefully and they made a smacking sound. you smirked, your eyes still glossy from the previous tear that escaped, and she nearly lost her damn mind.
"dont fucking smirk at me like that..." she kissed your jaw, making your entire body clench. "always fucking teasing me" kiss "always making me think..." kiss "i'll never fucking get it" kiss "driving me fucking crazy with those little fucking tops" kiss "those short fucking skirts" kiss
fuck.
"just wanted you to s— see, ellie..."
she tilted her head, and smiled so big and blushed so hard you nearly cried again.
"can i... can i take your shirt off?
you nodded up and down and fervently, like if you didn't show her exactly how bad you needed her she'll never fucking get it. old habits die hard.
she pulled the strap of your tank top off, and it slid down your shoulder. she let out a shaky breath. she's thought of seeing you bare in front of her way too many times than she'd like to admit. she saw the tip of your hard nipples poking out of the material and her breath hitched, borderline on wheezing. she delicately grazed her finger on it, stopping herself from pinching it and twisting and pulling like she always fucking wanted to. she had to go slow, she had to savor this moment.
you couldn't go slow.
you lifted your top off and ditched it on the floor. she was faced with your tits and she nearly damn went cross eyed. holy fucking shit.
"holy fuck" she hissed, her chest heaving up and down. her boxers were entierly drenched by now and she hasn't even touched them, until now.
she grabbed them with her calloused hands and squeezed them together, making them meet and form a natural cleavage. when she exhaled, a soft sound escaped her throat. it sounded like a quiet howl, or a harsh whimper.
"need to fucking taste" she growled, and your panties felt warm inside, and it tingled, that familiar yet completely different feeling washed over your cunt, as soon as her drooling, wet mouth was on your nipples, twisting and swirling her tongue against the sensitive buds, sucking and taking them out of her mouth with plop sounds, and every time she felt you squirm she moaned against them, her mouth fully vibrating on your nipples.
she detached her lips, just to look up at you with a lovedrunk smile adorning her face. she looked absolutely high on your body and you didn't even notice... that you started grinding up against her, bucking your hips inwards and backwards every time her head bobbed up and down on your tits.
"what am i..." she pulled your nipple in her finger, twisting it from side to side, making you nearly scream. you slapped your hand on your mouth, because if you didn’t— you’d fully get a stern note from the other residents tomorrow morning. "going to fucking do with you?"
"i think you know... ellie" you hiccuped.
"say my name again" she groaned, forcefully grabbing your tits now. she shook them up and down, and parted your thighs with her leg.
"ellie..." you whimpered, completely gasping for air.
"again"
"ellie!"
"fuck yes..."
her ongoing imaginations of you whimpering her name had absolutely nothing on the real deal. she picked you up, her hands grasping your thighs, and laid you on the bed. laid, would be a gentle way to say it. she practically tossed you on it, making the mattress jump up and down and creak slightly. she laid her body on top of yours, and her chest felt strong and steady, except for two perky mounds that connected directly with yours.
"please take your shirt off" you pled.
"take it off of me" she hissed, planting another sweet, sweet kiss on your breasts. she was fucking obsessed with them, and she wasn't afraid to show it now. it’s funny, how a only a week ago, she had to contemplate having her eyeballs surgically removed because she couldn’t stop her eyes from darting up and down. she could actually adore them now, and she felt it deep in her lower abdomen.
you tugged at the bottom of her top, hastily attempting to take it off fast because you yearned to see her so bad it almost hurt, but she palmed your hands and stopped you fully.
"nuh uh" she warned.
"slowly..."
you look up at her, doe eyed and begging. your breath caged in your throat, because this is real. it fucking hit you again.
when she saw you look up, it tugged at the strings of her heart.
she kisses you, and it feels like something you've never felt before. it feels warm, and it feels like fucking love. it was as if you became liquid, what was once solid, and hard, melted into a sweet puddle of warm honey.
she wants to take your shorts off already, but she stops herself. she looks you deep in the eyes, and her cheeks bloom red. she's in love.
and she knows you are too.
would it be awfully corny if she told you she wanted to make love to you? it probably would. for some reason, she didn’t need to vocalize it.
now, it was her eyes who turned glassy, making the emerald green glisten and twinkle.
"i need to..." you dont respond, you just do what she needs you to do.
you take your shorts off, and ellie simply stares down, panting, as her heart thuds inside of her chest. the way she looks, like she's absolutely famished, makes your clit pump inside of your panties that it terrifies you if she actually sees.
you shyly cover up, and she smiles gently as she grabs your wrists to peel them off of the soft, now sticky fabric.
"dont be shy..." she whispers, and when she see's the wet patch that formed, that pooled down just where your tight hole is, her face twists and she bites her lips. when she looked up at you, you turned your head to the side.
"look at that..." she chuckles, and it's fucking hypoctirical, the way she's mocking— because she has a spot even bigger on the bottom of her boxers, except she's fucking dressed and youre not.
"need to kiss it..." she desperately says, her voice low and raspy.
"need you to tell me..." she kisses your tummy, softly, as it heaves up and down. "to kiss it..." with every breath that leaves her, she kisses it again, her tongue now poking out of her mouth.
"mm— cant" you whimper. when did you become so shy?
"please" she begs, as her kisses become more wet, leaving little trails and puddles of saliva on your stomach.
"ellie..." you hiccup, feeling as if you could cum just by grinding your crotch back and forth against the air. her words are more than enough.
"say it..." she pleads, and it gets absolutely ridicilous— who's begging who now?
"please kiss— god" she simply palms your cunt, right on your panties, her warmth mixing with yours, and an incredibly loud, high pitched moan, closer to a screech leaves your mouth. the sound makes her groan into your stomach, moving her kisses further and further down. with each kiss, your body grows warmer, a certain tremor adding to your sudden jolts.
when she's face to face with your cunt, directly gazing at the wet spot, she closes her eyes shut, and plants a soft kiss upon the wet material. she's thought about doing this so many times, she has to stop herself from sneaking her hand down her boxers and start grinding up and down on it, and cum simply from just smelling you, as her nose bumps directly on your clit.
she wants to see it bad, those slick beautiful folds she had imagine so many times, the little bud poking on top, but she can't help but notice how greedy and eager you get when she teases you. she can't help but notice those cute little sounds that escape your throat, the way your eyebrows squint together and a small v shaped line forms on your forehead.
she gives a soft, kitten lick over the material, and you completely jump upwards. "ellie! fuck!" you moan, and she swears its the most heavenly sound she's ever heard. "that's it... grind yourself up against me... just like that"
you grind against her eager mouth, her tongue making the fabric transform into almost full sheerness, clinging and sticking to your cunt, every time ellie drools on it a little more.
"fuck m'gonna!— cum... ellie!" you hiccup and wheeze, and she can't help but pull your hips, move you closer to her mouth, as your thighs completely close and clench around her neck. but she doesn't fucking care.
she's going to make you cum all over your fucking panties.
she needs it. she yearns for it.
she bumps her tongue harder and flattens it against your clit, grinding you down, completely controlled by the very movements of her hands, guiding your through it and forcing you to keep moving against her.
it's closer, and closer, the white pleasure taking over your entire body, and you start shaking against her—
"cum for me... that's it" she whimpers, "cum hard all over my— fuck, my fucking face"
you barely even have time to recover, still completely sensitive, your entire body shaking when she takes off your panties, sniffs them shamelessly, and shoves them in her pocket.
"what are you d— doing?" you hiccup.
"dont worry about it" she mutters, and her entire face flushes red.
you dont, so instead, you beg for her to let you come again. she doesn’t, for now, and it was pure evil.
ellie's jaw clenches when she's face to face with your weeping pussy. her breath caged in her throat, and she lets out a high pitched, animalistic moan, followed by an adorable twist to her face. she's imagined it too many fucking times.
she'd tell you, but she's afraid to come off as pathetic.
slowly, agonizingly slow, with the intention to savor this moment, she places a soft, sweet little kiss on your cunt. you jump, and call out her name. she places another one, and another one, right on your achy clit. before she indulges herself in the first taste, she looks up at you.
"you're so beautiful" she whispers. and you know how bad she means it, because it comes out shaky, and you can taste how sweet those words are and really they’re just words.
you nearly die.
"and so fucking wet"
you nearly cum.
"mmph— ellie, please" you breathe. "pleasepleaseplease"
she doesn't need to hear any more of it, before her tongue laps up the sweet nectar of your pussy, starting with your hole, collecting the juice with the bottom of her tongue, curling it, and swallowing. "taste so fucking good"... she mutters. "knew you would"
she truly, truly did.
ellie slowly begins circling your clit with her tongue, in soft, little motions that focus right on your aching bud. one of her hands is squeezing your thigh, as the other creeps up slowly to grab your breast and toy with the nipple. its so fucking soft inside of her mouth that she can't help but grind herself down on the bed, the cream that formed inside of her boxers making it easy to slide backwards and inwards, and she releases sweet, desperate moans inside of your pussy every time it hits her clit.
when ellie feels you clench your hole in and out, she spreads your pussy lips apart, spits a big glob of saliva on top of your clit, making it slide all the way down to your hole.
"need to fill you up, fuck" she growls, and before you know it, her tongue is on you again, and her finger is teasing and begging your hole to let her in.
"baby" she coos, "let go for me"
"c— cant!" you cry out. its all too much, and you feel so embarrassed that you won't stop clenching, till she looks up at you again.
"breathe... it's okay" she whispers, "i'll be gentle, i fucking promise"
when you breathe in for her, she grits her teeth. fucking finally. she slides her finger inside, so slow you regret ever making her think you'd want it gentle, so you grind up on it, bringing your body forward so it swallows her finger whole.
"god damn" she hisses, and her voice is higher pitched because she can't fucking believe it.
she wants to whore you the fuck out, but she needs to be gentle for now. she considers… for just a mere second, to sprint to her room, grab her strap and split you whole, but she stops herself. she genuinely needs to grab her fucking knee so she doesn’t move away and lose control entirely.
she pumps it inside, lost in the feeling of your gummy walls squeezing her in, over and over again, lapping up on your clit, and when she feels you clench again, coming closer and closer to the edge, she adds a second finger.
"so fucking tight... you're so fucking tight" she says, and pushes your thighs up to your chest, your entire body shaking against her. you whimper and squeak and cry, babbling incoherently while she's scissoring them inside of you, grunting deep inside of your pussy every time your moans grow louder and louder.
the mattress seems to bump on her clit harder now, and ellie completely stops.
she hastily pulls her pants down, alongside with her boxers, and before you even have time to react to the sight of her cunt or her thighs or the abs that you're now exposed to (you honest to god, have no idea when she even managed to take her shirt off), she pulls your thigh high up, and places your leg on her shoulder.
"you're gonna cum on me— you hear that?" she hisses, when her weeping pussy meets yours. "yes ellie!" you hiccup, "louder"
"mmm—ellie— can'— need to cum on you"
"you wanna fucking cum on me?" she babbles back, and it comes out so messy and pussydrunk that she doesn't even reply back when you cry out with your forehead against her shoulder, biting on it hard, too intoxicated by your little moans and the feeling of your weeping, sticky pussy against hers, bumping her clit and it almost fucking burns inside of her.
she separates your legs further apart, and her gaze burns through you. her eyes are still green, and its still fucking ellie— but they turn a shade darker. she grinds against you forcefully, making your clit bump on her’s, your love-fluids mixing together and creating the most absolutely obscene noises that little dorm room has ever heard. when you close your eyes, because it’s all too much and she’s grunting and whimpering against you, she takes your cheeks in her hands and squeezes.
“look at me. look at me” she begs, and you keep blurting out tiny little squeals of pleasure that she cant help but let out a breathy laugh, and she wants to slap you and hear you squirm even harder but fuck— she’s gonna cum and she can’t even make her hands fucking work, so she just grabs your tits together as she grinds harder and harder, her ass jiggling up and down as she takes you.
“you’re so fucking— goddamn— so fucking cute you’re so fucking pretty”
"m'gonna cum!" you blabber, you brain entirely empty, only filled with the image of ellie's mouth hung completely open, letting out a beautiful symphony of moans, screaming and grunting your name and begging you to fucking take her, and when the tears stream down your face she can't help but wonder... how needy you'd look with her strap buried deep and when the thought hits her— when she imagined the way your hole would take her right inside, the way it would gape after she'd take it out, makes her cum so hard against your pussy that she almost, almost passes out.
when you cum, a second after she does, you tell her that you love her.
when she hears it, a small whimper escapes her lips, and it sounds almost like a sob.
"ive always fucking loved you"
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#ellie x reader#ellie williams smut#ellie williams fanfiction#ellie williams x you#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x female reader#ellie x fem reader#ellie tlou#ellie tlou2#the last of us#wlw#lesbian#fanfiction
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Who? JJ Maybank x Tattooed (f) Reader
| Warnings: mentions of abuse, swearing, over protective JJ (mildly), alternative reader
| Summary: JJ noticed your medusa tattoo for the first time. All characters are in their 20s in this
| (a/n): I don't know how I feel about this ending. But I hope y'all enjoy!
You weren't like the others on Kildare Island. Technically you were a kook like Kie, but also like Kie you were a pouge through and through. Your dad was ex military and now worked for the local prison while your mom owned the only tattoo shop in the county. Due to this, your family tended to stand out which also meant you lacked in the friends department. That was until you met Kiara.
You and Kie had been inseparable since you met at the kook academy your freshman year. Neither of you wanted to be there but were forced by your mothers to attend. For her 16th birthday present, the two of you even got matching dolphin tattoos. Then when Sarah came along it became the three of you.
This led you to now. You were a 23 year old bartender at The Wreck, Kie's family restaurant, and the two of you had just gotten off shift. Running to the back you threw on your black "I <3 Hot Dads" hoodie, jean shorts, and red high top vans before throwing your messy, curly hair up into a bun. "Hey (y/n), are you ready?" your best friend yelled from the doorway.
"Yeah I'm coming!" grabbing your backpack, you followed her out. You had plans to meet the boys at the beach for a bonfire tonight after work. You had only met them a few times, and all of said times a certain blonde had caught your attention. Getting in the car you got settled but Kie didn't stop staring. "Can I help you?" you laughed.
"Oh no. Just wondering if you were gonna spend the whole night drooling over JJ again and not make a move like last time," she shrugged. Rolling your eyes you told her to just go.
Grabbing the beer out of the back, the two of you made your way towards the beach. "Hey girlies!" the familiar voice of Sarah Cameron rang out. "We were beginning to wonder when the two of you were showing up!"
"Blame the one who had to get ready before we came here," Kiara side eyed you before all three of you began to laugh.
"Listen! Is it a crime to want to look half way decent for my two besties other friends? I mean gotta make a good impression right?" you continued laughing.
"Yeah right. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that JJ is here tonight," Sarah teased you causing you to lightly hit her in the arm as the three of you headed down to the sand. After reaching the firepit you got settled onto the soft sand sitting crisscross applesauce. "Where's Pope?"
"He had homework for his fancy college program," the blonde boy you had been looking forward to seeing all night responded as he sat down next to you and handed you a beer. Nodding your head you took a swig out of the bottle you had been handed. The other three in the group were busy talking about something Sarah's brother did when JJ leaned over and broke the silence between the two of you. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look like anyone I've ever seen around here." You gave him a funny look before he quickly added, "Like it's a good thing! It's cute! Just very different!"
A blush formed on your freckled cheeks, "Thank you...I Think." He was right though. You had long curly black hair with tiny bits of green throughout, both sides of your nose pierced along with your septum, and both ears pierced all the way up. Not to mention the tattoos. Yet you still had a sweetness or "innocence" to you.
"You're welcome!" he smiled proudly to himself for causing the pink tinge. "Now tell me about your tattoos!"
"Well what do you wanna know?" You inquired. The two of you being so wrapped up in your own conversation to realize the other three had left you two alone.
"Well for starters, how many do you have?" genuine curiosity was shown on his face. You fascinated him. "I mean I can see you have your traditional patchwork leg done here, but do you have any more?"
"Well," you began. "I have my leg sleeve (of course), then I also have a full arm sleeve, and one down my side. And then a secret one that matches Sarah and Kie's." you smirked before beginning to giggle when he looked astonished.
"We are gonna circle back to the mystery tattoos later!" the blonde boy exclaimed. "But can I see your sleeve?" You nodded with a hint of reluctance only because of one tattoo. You took off your hoodie so you were only in your tank top. JJ began examining all of the colorful pieces you had but quickly stopped when he saw the medusa adorning your upper arm. His face went from curious and playful to stern. "Who?"
"It's really not important," fixated on the fire you really were hoping to not have this conversation yet. You were always cold but the hoodies also helped keep that hidden.
"You can talk to me," his blue eyes softened. He didn't want to push you but wanted to at least offer. "My dad...he used to beat the shit out of me. I used to blame myself. Would convince myself that I deserved it somehow. My fiends helped snap me out of that."
The two of you sat there in silence for several minutes before you brought yourself to open up, "It was my ex. He had a hard time taking no for an answer." JJ didn't say anything but just let you confide in him. "But before that, I went through something similar to you. My dad was an angry guy. I remember showing up to school with black eyes and having to have my friends cover for me. Then when I was 16, things got particularly bad. He slapped me so hard I fell down and he stormed out. Said 'He should have left me and my bitch of a mom a long time ago'...he came back the next morning in tears and never laid a hand on me since. So then when my ex did what he did, it just brought out suppressed memories."
JJ immediately brought you into a hug while wiping a tear off your cheek, "I am so sorry." You looked up into his beautiful baby blue eyes when the two of you leaned in. He kissed you so gently and tasted so sweet you thought you were in heaven. That was until he whispered onto your lips "So what are these secret tattoos the three of you girls share?" Laughing you buried your face into his chest.
"It's so embarrassing," you blushed as he started to chuckle right when the other three showed back up from what looked like swimming. "Oh! Just in time! (y/n) here was just about to enlighten me on these secret tattoos of yours!"
"Don't do it!" and "She was not!" were said in unison by other two.
"Come on guys we should tell them," you smiled and you all three agreed. "Ok, so just know the three of this did this to celebrate graduating high school. We were young and dumb."
"Oh this is gonna be good," John B mumbled.
"We all have a different fruit," Sarah continued.
"On each of our asses," Kiara finished. The two boys burst out laughing.
"Are you being for real?" John B asked. "I mean I knew about yours Sarah, but all three of you?" he couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.
JJ leaned over and whispered just to you, "I can't wait to see what yours is." Causing you to once again turn bright red. You knew you were in trouble with this boy when he just smirked down and kissed you again saying, "You're too damn cute when you blush like that."
#jj x reader#jj maybank x reader#jj x y/n#jj outerbanks#jj maybank#obx#outer banks#john b routledge#sarah cameron#kiara carrera#obx fanfiction#jj maybank fanfic#jj obx imagine#obx fic#jj imagine#rafe cameron
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Born Too Late - neighbor joel miller x reader
pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak
A/N: hiii. this is my first time writing a fic. please let me know what you think :> i proofread like a million times and probs missed something. this is my first time writing anything sexual so dont make fun of me, im learning :p . thanks to my pookie raven for encouraging this, proofing it, and for feeding my delusions.
Summary: After 4 years of college, you moved to a neighborhood in Austin. Your first and even second interactions with your new neighbor, Joel, were less than pleasant. But damn is he a looker.
Warnings: MDNI, age gap, peeping reader, male masturbation, female masturbation, semi-asshole joel, some angst?? if you squint, cheating ex boyfriend, i think thats all idk let me know if i missed anything xoxo.
Word Count: 1.6k
Chapter 2 - Masterlist
It's Saturday morning, the first Saturday morning in your new house. You’re 23 and fresh out of college with nothing but a bachelors in education and your final paycheck from your shitty college job. A shitty job with a shitty paycheck, that just so happens to cover your rent and utilities this month. You roll over and snooze your 7 a.m. alarm, and groggily make your way to the kitchen. Austin was going to be different, new city, new neighbors, new job. You plug in the coffee pot and open the cabinet only to realize; no coffee. You make a mental note of that.
A new city means new habits… sorta. In high school, you held the record time for cross country, all 4 years. But then college happened and that habit died quickly. You lace up your running shoes, put in your earbuds, and head out the door. It's already muggy and you have no idea why you've done this to yourself. Just as you’re about to click shuffle on your iPod, a deep voice bellows from the doorway of the house beside yours. “Goddamnit Tommy! We’re going to be late again if you don't get out here. I'm sick of wasting my Saturdays because you can't get your lazy ass out of the bed Monday through Friday!”. The door slams. The man is tall, and largely built. His biceps borderline pulsating out of his black t-shirt that reads “Miller’s Construction”. You try to look away before the man notices but you’re too slow. You flash a smile and throw a hand up, he looks away without so much as a nod. “Dick.” you mutter.
You started easy this morning and only did a mile, an 11 minute mile. You’re somewhat proud of yourself as it's been 5 years, but somewhat disgusted. You can't remember the last time you had an 11 minute mile, probably middle school. You take this as an opportunity to explore your new neighborhood. It’s still early, so it’s quiet. Gives You Hell by All American Rejects comes on and you turn it all the way up. You tell yourself “new town, new people, new start”. Almost all 4 years at University of Dallas were spent with your, now ex boyfriend, Connor. You guys were inseparable. You met at freshman orientation and were glued at the hip, until you caught him hooking up with a random girl at a frat party your senior year. You were crushed but never allowed him to see it; You just never spoke to him again.
You made your way back home, and the loud cranky neighbor is still gone. You keep thinking back to the rude and awkward interaction this morning. After taking the coldest shower known to man, you turn on your current hyperfixation (Greys Anatomy) and look over your lesson plans for the following week. You want everything to be perfect because you need this job. You need Austin to work. Before you know it you’re drifting off to sleep and don't fight it.
You wake up in a puddle of sweat to a fuck ton of banging and muffled yelling. The TV is off and the house is quiet. You go to check the time and the digital clock you keep beside the couch is off. Weird. You go to look at the microwave but it's also off. Great. It’s still light outside so you know you didn't sleep the day away. You flip up your pink Motorola Razr to call your landlord, and he's on vacation. Double great. He talks you through resetting the breaker box, which is on the outside of the house. The yelling is still going on outside and this time you get an earful. “Tommy, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sick and tired of picking up your goddamn slack.” “No one asked you to pick up my goddamn slack Joel. Quit your bitchin’ before I give you something to bitch about.” Joel and Tommy, what an interesting duo of neighbors you have. At this point, you’re so invested in their conversation that your landlord is just talking to himself. You mutter a couple uh-huhs and yeahs and it must be convincing enough because before you can muster the word wait, he hangs up. “Shit.” you say under your breath. You stand with your hands on your hips, staring intently at the unlabeled switches, not sure of what the hell to do.
It’s not like you ever had to do this growing up. Your dad was a tradesman, and your brother followed suit. As a woman, you were expected to tend to the home, which is funny because to you this seems like it should fall under “tending to the home”. You don’t dare call your dad in fear that you’ll get an earful about why you “need a man of the house” and “this is why you should’ve forgiven Connor”.
You muster up the courage to head next door and ask one of your neighbors, the ones that had 2 full on blowouts in front of the neighborhood, to help you reset it. You feel like an idiot. You approach the door and knock. Gently but loud enough to be heard over yet another muffled argument. A silence, and then a burly man with short brown hair opens the door. “Can I Help You?” He says, deadpan. You get lost in his deep brown eyes, just for a second. Yet again, his biceps borderline ripping his t-shirt at the seams. Joel leans against the doorframe. “Hi, I'm your new neighbor” you point to your house. “I just moved in next door this past week and my breaker box tripped and I can't figure out how to reset it.” He’s deadpan staring, like he’s waiting for you to say something else. “Uhh.. Is there any way you could help m-” Before you can finish, he makes his way past you with a grunt. “Where's the box?” You follow quickly behind him. “It's on this side of the house, the left side.” He says nothing. After what seems like an eternity of silence, Joel finds the box and flips the switch. “Thank you so much. I didn't seem to catch your name.” A few seconds of silence again. “Joel.” he says firmly. “Joel, nice to meet you. I’d invite you in for-” and he interrupts again. “No need, but next time call your landlord.” You begin to explain a half lie half truth and say he's on vacation and didn't answer but when you look up, Joel is back in his driveway.
You head back inside and begin to make some dinner. The sun is setting and you’re exhausted. You look through your boxes of food that you have yet to unpack and find all of your baking ingredients and a half loaf of bread. In your bare refrigerator is milk, eggs, and a pack of american cheese slices. You settle for a grilled cheese, but make a mental note to maybe bake some cookies or muffins for your neighbors since you seemed to be such an inconvenience today.
You yet again fall asleep on the couch, watching Reba reruns. You wake up and the clock reads 9:47 in bold red numbers. Fuck. You turn the TV off and mozy to your bedroom, making sure to turn your ceiling fan on when you walk in. You change into your pajamas, turn your bedside light on, and the overhead light off. As you’re getting cozy, you notice that your window faces Joel’s. You draw your curtains open, just a bit. Joel’s curtains are borderline shut but you can see a shadow moving. His silhouette begins shuffling back and forth before it stops and begins stripping. Right in front of the window. Christ those fucking biceps, even in shadow form. You sit up a little bit, careful to not be potentially seen. Next are the pants, you see the silhouette of his belt come off. Fuck. You feel like a fucking creep but you inch closer to your window. You think to yourself “if he didn't want anyone to see, why change in front of the window?”. A heat washes over you, you feel flushed. This is the most action you’ve gotten in months, and it isn't even action.
You open the drawer beside your bed and pull out your favorite vibrator. Your pants come off and you’re sprawled on the bed. You turn it on the lowest setting, a low but consistent buzz. You twitch. You look up and his silhouette is now leaning into the window frame. One hand holding him up, one stroking his cock. “Fuck.” you whine. It’s so big, you just know that the silhouette does it no justice. You click the button on your vibrator twice. Your body begins to arch, you’re panting, chasing your release, and it's so close you can taste it. You look out your window for one last glimpse and you see him. You SEE him. “Shit!” you audibly gasp. He’s staring you down. You can’t read his facial expression but you imagine it isn't good. You throw your vibrator across the room and basically do gymnastics to close the curtains and turn the light off. “Shit.” you murmur.
Not only did you inconvenience Joel today and make a shitty first impression, he just caught you getting off to him in his own home. You fall asleep yearning for the release you never got. Feeling empty and unsatisfied. Wondering how the fuck to explain this when you eventually have to face him again.
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#last of us#neighbor joel x reader#neighbor joel#Lingerie#peeping tom#cliffhanger#forced proximity#kinda sorta#joel miller smut#pedro pascal#joel miller x you#the last of us#neighbor!joel#joel x reader#daddy joel#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#my writing
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RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS
~NUMBER 18~
Devil's Night-
Some things people forgets or pay less attention to:
1. Michael was also abused by his father.
2. Rika lost her father to accident but her mother to drugs and depression( she didn't die but she was not fine at all).
3. Banks mother made her steal things before she lived with the torrance's.
4. Banks mother SOLD her to damon when she was 12.
5. Damon saved Winter from an abusive family.
6. Damon saw all kinds of horror by the age of 11 in his house.
7. Only person who cared about winter is damon.
8. Winter gets left behind because of being blind, by her own family and even by the "found family" gang.
9. In the entire series only Emory pushed Will to do better and be better.
10. Will would have dies by 30 if Emory would not have came in the picture again.
11. Emory's parents died when she was 11.
Her brother who was fun suddenly became the thing of her nightmares.
She was abused financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for years.
12. Emory's abuse started when she was 11 and did not stop until she was 18 all of her formative years revolved around abuse.
13. Everytime Martin used to hit emory and she was brused or bleeding NO ONE used to put medication on her, NO ONE.
14. 11 years old Emory used to go to school with bleeding wounds or bruised body.😭😭
15. Emory only used to get hugs from her grandma even that stopped when she was 14.
16. Emory Scott lived a hellish life of abuse, got out of that house, got a better education and then became an ARCHITECT but it was always overlooked.
17. Emory was probably alone at her college graduation.
18. Emory fell in love with Will when she was 16 but had to let him go because she knew he would never understand her trauma( he didn't even when he was 26) and she would only bring him pain.
19. Emory always considered Alex as a friend but Alex was never a friend to Emory.
20. When Emory was getting rape threats( more than 4, yes i kept a count), was bleeding and getting brused, aydin was playing with her mind and rory wanted her to die, while not knowing anything about those boys, Alex was hiding safely in blackchurch, knowing what aydin can do, how taylor was a vile rapist and rory was a serial killer, and she called herself a "friend" of Emory.
21. Alex could have easily found 2 minutes to show herself the first day Emory arrived at blackchurch and explain everything, but she didn't, until she realized Aydin liked Emory, and she was jealous.
22. Alex was not planning to take Emory back to Thunderbay with them, hence not telling anyone about her from her satellite phone.
23. Alex was neither a good friend to Will nor to Emory.( she came to blackchurch for aydin, told a legit addict how she preferred him drunk, don't even get me started on how bitch she was to Emory example hitting a abuse survior even completelybeing aware of emmy's abuse).
24. Alex was always jealous of Emory and hated her all throughout Nightfall for no reason. (Will was literally in love with her since emory was 13,
Aydin whom Alex loved ignored her and never respected her in 7 years but respected Emory in 1 day and was a friend to emmy in blackchurch.
Micah and Rory were acting like brothers to emory within knowing her for only 1 day.
Will wasn't giving Alex time of the day in blackchurch and thinking of emmy
Emory faced life of difficulties but made something of her, architect, but alex hated what she did.
Emory had no one with her but was still standing strong but alex had the support of the friends and would be nothing without them
Emmy didn't need anyone but alex did
Every single boy in blackchurch respected and wanted to be close to emmy and save her but Everyone was ignoring alex, literally micah and rory didn't even gave her 1 look).
25. Alex was in love with Will and wanted to marry him.
26. The friend Will was to Alex he was never to Emory.
27. Will never understood Emory and her abuse.
28. Alex hated Emory but was fake acting as a friend and always looked down on Emory's and never leaft a chance to show her down( everyday she was visible in blackchurch,
Everytime aydin looked at emmy,
The entire train ride,
And even after the train ride in some scenes).
29. Alex COMPARING her difficulty life to Emory a literal surivor of child abuse and trauma was the most Shittiest thing.
( i get it alex had seen bad times butttttttt alex was thrown out of college when she was 18, started working as a luxury escort at 19,
But emmy lost her parents at 11,
Got brutally abused EVERYDAY from 11 to 18,
Lost the love of her life at 16,
Had to take care of her grandma since she was a child herself,
Had to make all adult decisions as a child.)
30. Alex thought Will was in love with her too.
31. Emory was more like Damon than anyone. Literally they are the 2 sides of same coin.
32. Emory at 16 always thought she will bring will down with her problems and he deserves to always smile so she let him go.
33. When emmy saw damon bury a body her first instinct was not to run but asked him if Will had anything to do with it.
34. Alex was going to use Will as plan B and marry him to make aydin jealous and make him feel less.
35. Emory was abused financially, emotionally, physically and mentally for years.
36. Emory had no one to lean on since she was 11 to she was 25, thats 14 YEARS!
37. Banks was the knly girl in a house full of gangsters and criminals.
38. Both Emmy's and Will's reaction after seeing a dead body is to dump it in ocean.
39. Will thought of Emory the first time he drowned and the second time too just like he did the third time.
40. Will was never in love with Alex.
41. Aydin had to fight his entire abusive family for Alex but when he came back She acted as if she was the only victim( as always).
42. Aydin was someone else's boyfriend when Alex wanted him and Alex was her friend, just like she wanted Will knowing full well Will and Emmy have a thing and just like she was Emmy's "friend".
43. Emory don't remember her parents.
44. Rika and Alex wanted the horseman validation. Seriously they were drooling for it.
45. Emory and Banks has no respect for The horseman. (Okay we all know this).
46. Kai got the biggest daddy issues.
47. Pd's decision to insert Alex in Nightfall was completely stupid, it ruined the book. WILLEMMY'S BOOK SHOULD HAVE BEEN THEIR ONLY!
48. Rika and Alex are not girls girl.
49. Rika knew Damon wanted to hurt Winter still didn't do anything.
50. Emmy was the only person someone can rely on.
51. Will knows how to tattoo someone and he tattooed most of his tattoos himself when he was in jail.
52. Both best friends Damon and Will are stalker they both stalked their Love interests. I mean guys Damon was is Winter's house and Will... this guy knew EVERYTHING about Emmy, on Saturday she works all day at gazebo, she gies to school, gazebo and her house not other places, her with her grandma.
#random devils night thoughts#rika fane#michael crist#kai mori#nikova banks#damon torrance#winter ashby#will grayson iii#emory scott#willemmy#the devils night#the devil's night#devil's night#devils night#the devil's night series#the devils night series#devils night series#alex palmer#aydin khadir
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Sterek Week '23 // Day 4, Whole of the Moon / @sterekweek-2023
when you get caught between the moon and new york city i know it's crazy, but it's true if you get caught between the moon and new york city the best that you can do ... is fall in love - Christopher Cross, "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)"
"The Best Thing You Can Do"
When Derek was little, he asked Talia how anchors worked and how he would find his. She explained that anchors were different for everyone, but for him... for him it would be love. At that age, Derek just scoffed at the idea of his anchor being love. How could something so frivolous like being in love help him control his werewolf transformation?
So Derek went through life never quite fully getting the hang of getting his transformation under control during the full moon. The various places he lived at, he would always make sure to lock himself in during his transformation so that he wouldn't go rampaging through the streets of New York on a full moon.
In the back of his mind, his mother's words stayed with him, even though he'd experimented with a million other things as anchors that never seemed to quite work. It wasn't until he moved into a loft apartment and then met his downstairs neighbour, Stiles Stilinski, that things started to change.
It wasn't exactly love at first sight. In fact Derek found Stiles to be a little annoying and a spoiled college kid at first who was just living off his parents' money. But then, somehow, they began spending more and more time together, and as Derek got to know Stiles more he realised he'd misjudged him. He was pretty insecure at times and tried to mask his social anxiety by - ironically - becoming a party animal. But there was a caring side to Stiles that softened Derek to him. Stiles was often concerned with the welfare of his friends, making sure they had everything they needed and helping them as much as he could. He even managed to drag Derek out of the loft to go and party with other people once in a while.
Though Derek could get annoyed if this didn't fit in with his regimented schedule of being a hermit, he did find himself enjoying his time with Stiles. It was during one night out in a club when Derek realised he'd lost track of time... and the moon. The copious amounts of alcohol might have had something to do with it, but there was another reason too. Stiles had been on his mind all night as they were dancing and having fun, so when he walked outside and saw the full moon, Derek just stopped and stared at it.
He could feel the urge to shift come over him, the fire running through his blood... but for the first time in his life he had control over it. He turned around to see Stiles coming outside to find him, a quizzical expression on his face. "Where did you disappear to?" Stiles asked, glancing up at the moon.
"Oh, nowhere... I was just having an epiphany of sorts," Derek grinned and reached out to take Stiles' hand.
The energy that passed through that single touch was electric, and it surprised Stiles who almost pulled his hand away but then after a moment squeezed Derek's hand tighter.
"Well this is new," Stiles said, sounding a little surprised but definitely pleased.
It was the first time they'd intimately touched like that on purpose, neither having spoken of their attraction to the other before. Derek hadn't even mentioned anything remotely related to werewolves that might give Stiles an inclination that Derek was more than he seemed.
"I don't know what's going on with you tonight, but I like it," Stiles smiled and chuckled, wiping his tired drunken eyes with a smile.
"Yeah, there are a few things I need to tell you," Derek admitted, a glint of joy in his eyes, "But don't worry."
"Well see, that's why I like spending time with you... I never feel like I have to worry when I do," Stiles explained, his voice playful but the message earnest. "You make my anxiety just melt away. I can actually enjoy myself, enjoy life"
Derek smiled to himself, then to Stiles. "It's the same for me," he said softly. He couldn't tell Stiles yet how happy that made him, but it wouldn't be long before he did. Even though Derek hadn't realised he was falling in love, he knew without a doubt he'd found his anchor.
The pair took things slowly after that, carefully navigating the path from platonic to romantic, but every full moon Stiles would come over and they'd hang out, most of the time just watching movies and talking about anything and everything. Just having Stiles around him was enough to help Derek maintain control over his werewolf transformation.
And so he realised his mother was right: the best thing he could do was fall in love, which is exactly what he did.
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𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝙲𝚊𝚕𝚕
(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)
𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: Post season 15 with alternate universe/ending with both Winchesters get a happy ending (SPOILERS MENTIONED)
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after Chuck was finally defeated and Jack took charge of Heaven, you hoped that you could finally settle down with your husband. But once an hunter, always a hunter you supposed. You try to talk to Dean about retiring for good, leading the both of you into an argument. But when something happens to you as a result of a case, Dean reconsiders the idea of retirement.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of supernatural ending (sort of), argument with Dean, violence, blood, close call for character death.
You thought that for sure since Chuck was finally defeated and Jack was in charge of the new Heaven, things would die down for Dean and he would be less tense. And for a little while, he did seem more relaxed. In fact, after so many years of waiting and wondering if it would ever happen, the two of you were finally able to get married! Dean was growing his hair out and he had a little beard growing too.
You and Dean were still living in the bunker while Sam decided to begin his new life away from hunting once and for all. Dean started a business as a mechanic and whenever that familiar urge to hunt was there, he would occasionally take local cases on the weekends.
Things had been fairly relaxed but you knew that a part of Dean was always on the lookout for trouble. As if Chuck could make some kind of miraculous appearance again or there would be another angelic/demonic war. You knew he couldn't help it and you wished he wouldn't even hunt on the weekends but you knew that it was what he grew up with. It was all he knew next to fixing up cars.
Which brings you to this weekend. Dean had that itch to hunt again but you had to give him credit, it had been about a month since he went on his last hunt. Normally he would go every other week. Then again he had been a little bit backed up with work so he didn't exactly have the time to hunt until now.
You watched your husband go through the artillery in Baby's trunk and you smiled to yourself. Seeing him get ready for a hunt did bring back memories of simpler times before the brothers had to worry about the apocalypse. You remember when the two of you first met on a hunt over in Dunn, North Carolina. It was a simple little hunt, a milk run really. You had heard from Bobby that a certain father-and-son dup needed help on a case with a pack of werewolves. That was back when you were 23 and Dean was about 24 as Sam was already in college by that time.
That was the first time you met Dean and you were good acquaintances, maybe a hook up once in a while if you both happened to be in the same town as years went by. But you didn't have Dean as a constant in your life until Sam reached out to you a few years back saying something about some Mark of Cain. You had been there to help him in any way you could, even though it was sort of a solo suffering kind of thing and all you could do was help Sam think of a way to get it off. You didn't realize you loved him until Metatron fought Dean and you had almost lost him forever.
"Dean?" You asked as you walked towards him, placing a gentle hand on his back. He paused for a moment as he looked down at you with a certain softness in his eye that was finally able to be seen more often.
"Yeah, Sweetheart?" He answered as he shut the trunk.
"You'll be careful out there, right? I mean I know it's not demons, angels, or God himself, but vampires and werewolves are just as deadly. Hunters still get killed by basic monsters and spirits just the same. And they don't come back like you did so many times." You said, unable to help worrying even if he's done so many more dangerous things over the years.
"I know they are. And I promise, I'll come back home safe and sound, just like I always do." Dean promised and you rolled your eyes a little. The last hunting trip he went on with Sam, Dean nearly got himself killed on a basic hunt but luckily the wound he got was in his shoulder instead of anywhere fatal. After that hunt, Sam realized he was done with hunting for good and he encouraged Dean to start a different business - which was where the mechanic idea came from.
"You'd better keep that promise. You were supposed to retire like Sam did. If I lose you... this time it's for good. No spell, no miracle will bring you back this time." You started and Dean sighed a little and shook his head before taking your hand off him.
"Y/N, we've talked about this so many times and you know it's not going to change. I've pretty much stopped and now it's just an every once in a while kind of thing. I've hunted all my damn life and I know what I'm doing. I don't need you to tell me what I can and can't do." He said, getting a little stern with you by raising his voice.
"Pretty much stopping is not being retired. And it's not being safe. If you have to hold onto hunting, then why can't you just be a researcher like Bobby was? Get off the field. You don't need to be a soldier anym-"
"Because I'm not Bobby! I'm not Sam! My place is out there like it always was! You know, when we got married I thought you'd be more supportive." He said and ran a hand through his longer hair. Your jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Are you kidding me? I've been supportive of you for all these years! I've been one of the ones to support you with your mechanic business! Is it so damn wrong of me to want my husband alive?! Is it wrong of me to want you to stop being so reckless on hunts!? It's time for you to let go and finally live, Dean! That's all I want for you."
When you watched him turn around, it was like there was no emotion in his eyes, his brows slightly narrowed and his jaw set. You knew it was the sign that he was done talking about this even if it was the middle of an argument. "I'll see you in a couple of days. Maybe you'll be more open minded about everything by then."
"And you're going to leave just like that? Like what I had to say is no big deal?!" You asked as he got into the Impala and you watched him drive off. You threw your arms up with annoyance and you made your way inside the Bunker once more, unsure of what things would be like when he would come home. If he would come home.
That argument was more than a couple of days ago. In fact it was almost a week to be exact. Dean told you he'd be back in a couple of days and tomorrow would mark a week since he left on a stupid hunt.
Granted you knew a thing or two about cars yourself so the business wouldn't falter because the owner was gone. But you felt uneasy. What if something had happened to Dean after all? And after all of the things you said, of all things it had to be an argument. What if you would never get to remind him that you loved him again?
All of these thoughts and worries got to you, but luckily Sam was able to stop by and visit to help you with the shop, and sort of keep your head on straight without Dean around.
It was the end of another work day and you and Sam were at the bunker again. Sam was sitting at the table in the library skimming through the research books.
"You guys still held onto these? You could have sold them to several hunters and would have probably made some good money off them." Sam said as he shut the book and pushed it to the side just as you handed him a glass of bourbon.
"Yeah well.. your hard-headed brother wanted to keep them for his weekend trips incase he needed me to search something up." You muttered as you sat down, looking at your wedding band. You started to bounce your knee up and down anxiously and Sam noticed that the worry was starting to get to you.
"Y/N, I'm sure he'll be okay. You know that sometimes hunts can be a little more complicated than they lead on." Sam spoke
"But what if he's not okay, Sam? What if this is the one hunt that ends it for him? One wrong move and it could be over. One slip up and he's gone. What if he dies thinking I'm still upset with him? What if he dies thinking I never supported him?" You rambled and the last part was what caught Sam's attention.
"He said that? After everything you two have been through?" He asked and you nodded and you pinched the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes and you could feel a stress-induced migraine coming on. Wonderful.
Sam let out a sigh, wishing his brother would lose that hard head but he knew that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. But when he looked at you again, he wanted to think of how to get your mind off the worst.
"Why don't you get out of the house for a while, huh? You need the fresh air and maybe you'll feel better. I'll give Dean a call while you're out and see if he's alright. He's going to be fine." Sam said and you thought about it for a moment before you nodded. Maybe the fresh air would do you some good.
"Yeah.. Maybe I'll go pick up some groceries while I'm out and stock up on some stuff." You said as you got out of the chair.
"Why don't I go with you though? Make sure nothing happens. It never hurts to be too cautious." He said, but you shook your head at the suggestion.
"The store's just a few minutes away. I'll be okay getting from here to there safely." You insisted and saw the nod from your brother-in-law.
And with all of that being said you ended up taking your own car to go to the nearest grocery store to pick up whatever it was you could think of that you needed, considering you didn't exactly have a list on you.
When you got there, you noticed the parking lot was empty. It couldn't be that late could it? When you got out of the car you walked towards the front entrance of the little store and noticed a sign.
"Closed down? When did that happen?" You wondered out loud. It wasn't a huge business, it was a little family owned grocery store and you didn't expect it to be closing. But you shrugged nonetheless and decided to head over to the nearest Walmart.
But before you could get to your car, you felt something hit your head and all went black.
Just then, Dean rolled into the garage of the bunker and noticed his brother's vehicle was there, but yours was not. That was a little unexpected but he knew he'd be glad to see his brother again even if you would be angry with him especially after being gone so much longer than he had originally anticipated. Yes there were complications on the hunt this time around but a part of him just didn't want to come home and continue an argument.
Hunting was his life for so long and doing these simple hunts reminded him of the old times with his brother. He missed the simplicity of it all, the adrenaline rush. The feeling he got when he would actually save people. He missed it all. And he thought you of all people would understand.
He opened the door and made his way downstairs only to see his brother lifting his phone up to his ear. Then Dean's phone started ringing, causing the older brother to chuckle when Sam's head spun around. Sam hung up the phone and got up from his seat.
"Welcome back." Sam smiled and the two brothers met in the middle and hugged for a brief moment before letting go so Dean could set his bag down on the table. "And after all those years giving me hell about not getting a haircut, you go out and grow your hair."
Dean laughed, "Just trying something a bit different to see how it works out. But I still don't use nearly as much product as you do." This caused a chuckle to come from Sam.
"So where's Y/N? I didn't see her car. Is she alright?" Dean asked .
"Well physically, yeah she's alright. She just went to the store. But otherwise, she's been worried about you, Dean. It's been a week and she said she hadn't heard anything from you. And she started thinking the worst but I kept reminding her that some cases extend a little longer than we want them to." Sam said and Dean sighed a little.
"It was supposed to be a local issue that lasted like two days tops. Some missing persons in the camp grounds and I thought it was another Wendigo case. But it turned out to be Vetalas. Found that out when I caught it feeding off a camper and I managed to find its partner but it ended up getting away. But it turns out there was a whole group of them a few towns over and I assumed the partner went back there. Luckily I was able to find a few other hunters there and we took care of the problem so no one else would get hurt and we wouldn't have anymore coming around here. So naturally it ended up taking more than a couple of days like I hoped it would be."
"Did you ever find the first Vetala's partner again?" Sam asked and Dean shook his head, sending a red flag up in Sam's mind. He looked down at his watch and realized that you had been gone for a pretty long time after saying the store was only a few minutes away.
"Dean, I think you should call Y/N." The younger brother commented. Dean clenched his jaw, not liking the idea of you being in any kind of danger.
So, Dean pulled out his phone and started calling your number. Normally you would pick up right away especially if you were as worried about him as Sam said you were. But after a few rings, Dean finally got an answer, but it wasn't from you.
"Well, well. Took you long enough to even call. Your little mate's fine for now. But if you want to see her again one last time, you'll meet me at the little store a few blocks away from your house. You'll see your mates car there." The creature said and Dean could feel his blood boiling with rage.
"What do you want with her you sick son of a bitch?"
"Just come to where I told you. Of and come alone. I know if one Winchester is out and about, the other is never too far behind." Then the line went dead.
"Damnit!" The older brother cursed and got up, taking his bag of weapons from this hunt in the bag and he started making his way up the stairs.
"Dean, wait. You need to think rationally about this. Now you know where she is but now you need to think of-"
"Sam, I don't have the time to hear about how you think I should have a plan. I'll think of one when I get there." He said and started going back upstairs and he went out the door.
"Well this ought to turn out wonderfully." Muttered Sam sarcastically as he got up to follow his brother.
The two rode in the Impala, a vehicle Sam never thought he would be riding in again, and after a few minutes they made it to the store. Dean got out of the car before going into the store, doors unlocked. Well, simply because the lock had been destroyed before he got there.
When the two brothers went inside they saw that the door leading into the basement storage room was opened and Dean motioned for Sam to stay in the front incase anyone or anything else came to cause more trouble.
When Dean made it to the basement, he saw you tied up to a chair and paralyzed with the monster's venom.
"Y/N.." He breathed out and he rushed to you but that was when the Vetala came and grabbed Dean before sinking its fangs into your husband's neck, paralyzing him with its venom. You watched in horror when your husband fell to the ground.
"Took you long enough to arrive. Now you can watch as your beloved dies right in front of you just like you killed my partner and my family with your hunter friends." The creature seethed. You were still paralyzed by the venom since it hadn't left your system yet but you were conscious and helpless.
Then you watched as the Vetala came behind you and you closed your eyes preparing for the worst. Then you felt the pain of the monster's fangs in your neck again and it started to feed off you. You were loosing blood fast and you could feel the warmth of your blood dripping down your neck. Your vision went blurry and you felt weak.
But out of nowhere, you heard a gunshot.
Sam shot the monster, knowing all too well that's not how these creatures die but it would at least get it off you.
You weren't sure what happened next because by that time you blacked out. Your last thought were just of you wondering if you'd see Castiel and Jack again sooner than you thought you would.
After a few moments of combat, Sam killed the Vetala with the silver blade through the heart and a twist of the blade in the chest. Now the creature was nothing but a crumpled carcass on the ground. Then Sam managed to get you and Dean into the Impala one by one, he was able to get you both back to the bunker.
The venom wore off Dean within an hour and he was right by your side since you hadn't woken up yet. What if you lost too much blood? The wounds in your neck scabbed over and Dean cleaned them up and put a bandage on but shouldn't you have woken up by now?
He was holding onto your hand as he looked down at your sleeping figure. His mind was racing faster than it had in a long time. This was one thing he didn't miss about hunting, the lives put in danger because of creatures that are out there. He's lost so many people over the years with this job.
"You were right, Y/N. I get it, okay? Even simple jobs are dangerous." Dean whispered, "Just wake up, damnit. I need you here."
Sam walked into the room to see how you and Dean were doing and he frowned when he saw you still hadn't woken up yet. He walked in and handed Dean a mug of coffee, which Dean thanked him for but just set it on the night stand.
"What if she doesn't make it, Sam? The last conversation we had with each other was just a stupid argument. Me and my hard head..."
"Dean, the last thing I think Y/N would want is for you to be sorry for yourself. Just give her some time to rest. We got there as soon as we could. Yeah she may have lost blood but those things can't suck humans dry in a matter of seconds. She'll wake up soon. Weak as hell, yeah, but don't start thinking she's gone just yet." Sam tried to reassure.
Then Sam left the room again, presumably to call Eileen and let her know what was going on.
Dean continued to stay in your room for another hour and a half. His head was down as he looked at your hand in his, looking at the wedding bands you both had on. Never in a million years did he think he would get married. And because of this stupid case, he could lose you. And he wasn't sure how he was supposed to handle that.
Meanwhile, you were coming to. You felt light headed you had to admit but you finally opened your eyes. You blinked a couple of times but you felt a familiar warmth on your hand. When you looked you saw your husband there by your side. He was unscathed for the most part which you were more than thankful for. He was alive, which made you glad.
But you saw the look on his face, the one with his face downcast and his brows narrowed as if he were lost in thought. You gave his hand the gentlest squeeze and you watched his head snap up and he looked instantly relieved when he realized your beautiful eyes were opened once again.
"Sweetheart, you're awake. How do you feel? Can I get you anything?" You heard him asking you and you laughed lightly.
"Dean, I could do without being bombarded with questions," You chuckled as he moved his chair closer to you, " But I'm okay. Just glad you're alright after all."
He looked at you with confusion. You were the one in bed recovering and you were talking about him being okay?
"Yeah... just fine." He said softly before he moved a strand of hair away from your face, "But you were right. Even the most basic of cases can be dangerous."
"Dean, I'm not worried about being right. I've been wrong about a lot too. I know that hunting is practically a part of your DNA. You were right, I should be more supportive of you going once in a while."
"Y/N, I'm retiring. For good this time." Dean said as his gaze softened.
"I'm getting to old to be on the field. I'm not in my twenties and thirties anymore. And even then, seeing you in danger like that and knowing that we really don't have a way to bring each other back anymore, it was a reality check I needed." He explained and he carefully reached out and cupped your cheek in his calloused hand. You leaned into his touch before reaching up and you moved a stray hair from his face.
"I just want you to be happy. I want you to be safe too but I know that I can't stop you from doing what you want to do." You said softly.
"I've been hunting my whole life. I think it's time for me to call it quits. I am happy here, especially since I have you. The world could crash and burn around me for the billionth time and I'd rather be here with you." He promised.
You smiled up at him, glad that he was making this choice after all. Maybe you could get back to your happily ever after.
"I love you, Dean Winchester." You said.
"I love you too, Y/N Winchester."
He slowly leaned in and you closed your eyes when you felt his soft yet slightly chapped lips capture yours in a sweet and loving kiss.
Thank You for Reading!!!
I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave any suggestions for another scenario you'd like to read about!
Tag List:
@chriszgirl92 @wildernessflora
#supernatural#supernatural imagine#dean winchester#jensen ackles#dean imagine#supernatural x reader#dean winchester imagine#dean x reader#Dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#sam winchester#sam and dean
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❝ your old buddy sampo is a model citizen these days. y'know the guards on sentry duty in the restricted zone? i deliver their breakfast every day! ❞
— Sampo Koski, ancient relic specialist
Tavern Notice Board
7th of August — 13th of August
(1) forsaken and yet not [blade, kafka] — @leonistic
even when the world is against them you stand by their side
(2) an apology [kafka] — @c0metes
reader is a stellaron hunter and got their shoulder hurt. some love acrobatics. guns and bullets and swords, average day for a stellaron hunter
(3) vacation on jarilo-vi — @xieni-logs
astral express crew with a child!reader
(4) with a vidyadhara reader [blade, dan heng, jing yuan] — @pyroxeene
them with a vidyadhara reader whose tail gives away their true feelings
(5) habits before bed [sampo, jing yuan, gepard, dan heng] — @cnnmairoll
their habits before going to bed with you
(6) under the lotus leaves [dan feng] — @milksnake-tea
you've known dan feng long before he became the high elder of the vidyadhara, before he donned the title of imbibitor lunae and became the legend he is known as now. long ago, back when the two of you were mere children, playing in the waters of the xianzhou luofu.
(7) hot and cold [dan heng] — @eggluverz
in which dan heng runs hot and blasts the air conditioner to keep cool, and you feel like you’re living in the arctic [college roommate au]
(8) how to take care of your lover when they're sick [jing yuan] — @generalsmemories
scenario in which jing yuan’s significant other (a short life species that isn’t a xianzhou native) has gotten sick
(9) showering them in affection [blade, sampo] — @pyroxeene
headcanons of them with a very affectionate s/o
(10) goodbye, halcyon days [jing yuan] — @bladesmuse
as time passes, its branches grow thorns, impaling themselves into your heart. it is most evident as you reflect upon your life, about the three men you loved most who came and went like the sun, moon, and stars. domestic fluff, potential high cloud quintet lore spoilers, angst, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort
(11) i didn't know where else to go [blade] — @milksnake-tea
blade x gn!reader, angst
(12) catching smoke [sampo] — @bladesmuse
you are a silvermane guard who has been assigned to catch Sampo. However, every time you get remotely close to catching the shady merchant, he always disappears. cursing, violence, suggestive content
(13) dropped your hand while dancing [gepard] — @particular-one
angst. hurt/no comfort. failed relationships. fluff to angst. passing mention of alcohol. marriage proposals. set after the events of the jarilo-vi trailblaze mission.
(14) a beloved tradition [luka] — @starboyshoyo
a paper marriage in belobog isn’t the only way to show off the love between a couple.
(15) wildest dreams [poly; blade, dan heng] — @bladesmuse
love, lust, and revenge are often inextricably linked, unsurprisingly causing complications in your relationship implied sexual content, combined undertones of fluff and angst
(16) accidentally falling asleep on him [sampo] — @milksnake-tea
you accidentally fall asleep on sampo's shoulder mentions of alcohol
(17) interlocks [nanook, yaoshi, lan, xipe] — @milksnake-tea
braiding their hair
(18) weathering the storm [gepard] — @meaningofaeons
gn!reader, meet cute, reader is implied to be part of an affluent/noble family, soulmate au wherein you have a countdown on your wrist until you meet your soulmate
(19) back home [dan heng] — @meaningofaeons
gn!reader, fluff, reader is part of the nameless but did not join the belobog mission
(20) not quite so slick [sampo] — @meaningofaeons
gn!reader, fluff, silvermane guard!reader, belobog story spoilers, pining
(21) only in the limelight [dan heng] — @meaningofaeons
gn!reader, actor au, angst/no comfort, unrequited love
(22) could you be any more dense? [gepard] — @meaningofaeons
gn!reader, hurt/comfort
(23) starry night bakery [dan heng] — @eggluverz
in which the cute baker down the street catches your eye and you decide to become a regular to keep seeing him [modern au]
(24) everything i need [blade] — @eggluverz
in which you’re feeling down about not seeing your boyfriend in a few months and blade takes time out of his busy tour schedule to surprise you. idol!blade x barista!reader, modern au
(25) lucky day [luka] — @antimatterz
you found the cutest plushie in a claw machine, but can't get a hold of it. fortunately, a handsome stranger shows up to help you out [modern au]
#honkai star rail fluff#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail#hsr x reader#hsr#blade x reader#dan heng x reader#kafka x reader#jing yuan x reader#sampo x reader#gepard x reader#dan feng x reader#nanook x reader#yaoshi x reader#xipe x reader#lan x reader
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Valentino /Sukuna Ryomen x Reader/ .o8
warnings: asshole sukuna, college prep. school (aka bitch u at an expensive ass school), former friends to lovers, slow burned love, yuji is sukuna's little brother, some light teasing, more tutoring sessions, and Sukuna punches a pervert!
reader: female reader; 23 years of age, college prep.
plot: It's been years since you've moved from country life, since you've forgotten about all the things you used to love about your hometown and where you grew up from... you didn't think it'd chase you to college in the city after almost a decade..
words: 1.125k
fanfic masterlist: .o1 .o2 .o3 .o4 .o5 .o6 .o7 .o8 .o9 .10 .11 .12 .13 .14 .15 .16 .17 .18 .19 .20
a/n:: I've felt mentally drained so I'm going to finish this dang chapter holy frick did this take so long :D
. . .
Thank you for reading this bit! Enjoy! ❤️
. . .
Sleep didn't come easy to you, and it was expected. Seeing Sukuna in his vulnerable state, having him confirm a small doubt in your mind, and having Shoko spur on your aching heart.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but you needed to force it. You can't force someone to love you back.
Sukuna had his reasons, and it didn’t concern you in the slightest. You told yourself that as much as possible when you felt the need to say something to him after lessons and classes, or do simple things like ask about his day. When you wanted to ask, you bit your tongue and stayed silent. Sticking to the normal day to day chit chat between classmates.
Don’t bug him more than you already do. You say to yourself as you lift your fist up and knock on the door a few times.
There was a quiet "enter" from his side of the door, and when you did as told you didn't see Sukuna in the living room or kitchen like normal.
"Sukuna?" You asked, confusion filling your brain. You continued to wander around the dorm until Sukuna's bedroom door opened up, revealing a disheveled man.
His hair a mess, t-shirt lopsided and somewhat dirty, and boxers on full display. You quickly averted your eyes, trying to save Sukuna his dignity. "Hello to you too."
He waved before heading into his bedroom to change and look cleaner. Moving yourself to your usual space on the couch, you pulled out your things and started flipping through a notebook.
There was almost no noise, besides the random grunts of Sukuna shuffling through his things. Even your thoughts going quiet and jumbled with the notes in your book. Writing things down and not noting the shadow being cast over you by Sukuna.
"Hey, what're you working so hard on?" His voice broke your train of thought, making you look up at him.
"Uhm, tutoring?" You responded, a questioning tone in your voice. "Why?"
Sukuna sighed, resting his cheek against his fist, maroon eyes scanning your figure. "Don't you wanna have fun instead?"
The question catches you off guard and you chuckle, patting his knee in an almost loving manner. "I don't think you should have fun until you get better grades."
"God, you sound like my mother!"
You crinkle your nose as Sukuna's rather modest laughter fills the air. It had been a while since you saw a smile.
With a sigh, you straightened your posture and started to the session, seeing Sukuna's eyes begin to glaze over in a bored pout. You didn't like doing much studying either, but keeping your grades up mattered to you.
Sukuna knew this, watching you diligently work with him to help. So determined..
——
"..How are your parents?" He asked, his eyes lazily looking towards you.
It had been an hour since the tutoring had started that day, and Sukuna's mind was elsewhere. It was dull, the schedule he has wrapped himself into. It was the same thing everyday, seeing the hundreds of students around campus and ending up stuck in his dorm with you.
Talking about equations and random stuff he was already familiar with became tedious. Even though he was willing just to see you.
Never say that out loud though.
"Oh, they're fine," You answered, a slightly confused look on your face as you tapped the cap of your red pen on the notebook.
Sukuna raised a brow, scooting himself closer into your space, a small smile on his face. "That's not specific enough. I wanna know how they're doing."
I just told you– "Well, my dad's working on some project for the house apparently. He wanted to make a garden for it."
"Your dad's still the plant guy, huh?"
You pout your lips as Sukuna's curled into a smirk. "Not always. He got into sports cars for some reason, even though he's a planet health guy."
Sukuna chuckles at this before starting to write a few things down in his notebook. You grumble with a slightly warm flush filling your cheeks. Either way, you couldn't really complain much, his smirk made you feel warm inside.
"Are you done with the questions I gave you?" You asked, leaning your head over and bumping your cheek against Sukuna's shoulder.
"Yeah, the last one stumps me though.."
After teasing him for a few moments about his blunders and getting side eyed for the next twenty minutes, you eventually were able to explain the problem before Sukuna pointing out how late it had gotten.
"I could order a pizza and you just sleep over again." He said as he put away his things, placing a hand on his hip. "It'd be best, this dorm is filled with shit drunk guys."
"Aw, you're so sweet," You responded, lifting your bag over your shoulder strap while hiding all the giddy cuteness inside you. "But it's just a five minute walk to my place. I'll be fine!"
There was a hostile look of discontent in his maroon eyes that read: How dare you say no to me?
A confused shiver was sent down your spine before you sighed and pat Sukuna's arm, heading towards the door. "I'll text you when I get home, promise."
Letting out a small grunt, Sukuna eventually caved and you went home. Although he did threaten that he'll give you a stern talking to if he didn't get a text.
He's got more layers than an onion.*
Though, as you made your way home, you bumped into someone. His hair was messy, sunglasses barely hanging onto his head with his hair pushed back, and pants dirtier than your crustiest sock. But his pink cheeks and glossy eyes didn't betray you in recognizing one of your weirdest friends to date.
"Satoru? What are you doing out?" You place a hand on the males exposed forehead and humming to yourself. "..Are you high, drunk, or sick?"
With a delayed reaction, a hiccup, and a pout, you got this. "My girl, you're judgy so muchy~ Let me life without demands!"
You raise a brow and scoff. I know he'll regret this drinking in the future.
"Fine, but I have to go home now," You say, patting the disheveled mans shoulder, a smile on your face. "Don't trip walking up those stairs!"
But as you said goodbye, Gojo leaned in and placed a soft peck on your cheek with surprising accuracy. You blink in confusion as Gojo smiles loosely and pets your head. "Don't hurt yourself either, Miss best friend chaser!"
Before words could process, or a thought was able to work the cogs in your headspace, there was a grunt and a very big "someone's jaw might have gotten broken" sound.
. . .
a/n: hope you guys have been doing well! srry i haven't posted in almost two months maybe really, so many things came up. I was worried about mental health for a while, wasn't feeling motivated to write much but then smthing else happened. Huge changes are happening so we might end up with another writer's drought lmao (I'm going to college soon and do adult things ⊙﹏⊙;;;)
*and if u didnt get the reference I'll scream*
Chapter Song Theme:
— Ariana Grande - God is a woman (Lyric Video)
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sex money feelings die - third visit
second visit ↬ third visit ↬ fourth visit
WC: 2.9k
TW and Tags (permanent for the story): rich client!Anton x stripper!reader, smut, fluff (?), a touch of angst for the moment, inexperienced reader, fingering, kissing, lots of silly conversations.
Summary: Working at a night club was difficult in many aspects, your sleep schedule was messed up for life, your feet were more used to high heels than sneakers and you had to lie about where you went to work those nights. Still, even with all those cons, you didn't hate your job, you had more than enough to pay your bills, feed your brother and save money for his college. However, what happens when your boss makes you do the one thing you asked to never do.
Fridays were, except for Saturday, the busiest day of the week, you had two shows and then gave private dances until you had no energy to wake up the next day.
You were choosing your outfit for the day when Shotaro called you apart.
‘’You’re booked for the night’’ he said and left. You didn’t need to hear more, Anton would arrive in a couple of hours, and you’d keep him company all night, it was what you expected, but you didn’t know how you would right there.
You weren’t sure how you would feel being next to him in front of his friends, of course you knew he wouldn’t do anything in front of them, he’s always been respectful even when you didn’t have… whatever you had.
‘’It seems there’s a birthday today’’ Sungchan, standing in the door frame, said to everyone. ‘’The VIP room is being fully decorated’’.
Your heart started to bump, would it be his birthday? Impossible, Shotaro would’ve told you if that was the case.
All the girls cheered up, birthday meant a heavy flow of cash towards them, all the guests would ask for private dances and would choose who to give insane amounts of money, and considering that it was the VIP room, Anton’s friends would make their whole week.
Your show was cancelled, the most popular girls of course had to stay and entertain the special group until they blew up their last cent, and soon you found yourself walking into the room with four other girls.
Anton was there when you arrived, smiling to you like always, and you were about to go to him when one of his friends stopped you.
‘’Could you stay with me? I’m the birthday boy’’ he said blinding you with his perfect smile. He was wearing a little plastic crown and was the only one under a couple of big golden ballons that clearly stated that he was 23, one year younger than you and you started to think, would Anton be the same age?
He was a cute guy, all of Anton’s friends were, but none of them called your attention like he did even before you had started to get to know each other. You knew they were all excentric guys, kind enough to treat well the girls, a kindness that their money and status permit them to have, but somehow never authentic enough for you like his.
‘’Oh, I’m-‘’ you didn’t know what to say, your eyes searched for Anton’s but he had a blank expression instead of his usual smile.
You gave him enough time to talk, but unlike before, he didn’t talk for you, so you frowned. This wasn’t what you expected for the night.
He didn’t say anything to his friend, he didn’t even call for you to scape, so after a couple of uncomfortable seconds making the boy wait, you nodded to his friend, sitting next to him and showing him your staged confidence.
‘’Happy birthday’’ you congratulated him while passing your hand from his shoulder to his hand.
‘’Thank you, I’ve been dying to see you since the last time you danced for us, why are you always so busy?’’
‘’You know, first come first served, sadly I’m so busy I don’t have the time to wait for anyone’’, you don’t know why you said the last part, but you said it loud enough for Anton to hear it, who, next to one of your pretty coworkers, his usual favorite girl that always wore light colors, distracting himself opening the bottle of champagne he had promised you, went stiff.
The music started to play from both sides of the room and a couple of them started to ask for dances.
The birthday boy didn’t ask you for one, but you felt the need of giving him one. For his birthday, you thought, but you weren’t so sure it was just that.
Surprising everyone, including your coworkers, you walked up the little pole with decision, you didn’t use it that much while giving personal shows, but tonight it felt like necessary. The music was slow, almost like a warmup, but you used it as if it was the most sexual song you ever heard.
Watching all of them look at you with expectations, you opened your robe, revealing the new set you had bought not long ago.
From Tuesday to Thursday, you couldn’t stop remembering his words, and just like he had asked you, you thought about yourself and bought a new set you had been wanting for weeks. You convinced yourself to spend that money because you would work with it, and it wasn’t something you usually used, it wasn’t black, blue or grey, but you wanted to gift yourself something new, I deserve it, you thought, so the emerald corset that you would’ve never dared to wear before was now hugging your chest and making you more curvy than never, pushing your chest until they slightly spilled out of it and making your waist smaller.
However, instead of showing it off to who you had waited for all those days, you did it to a boy you couldn’t even recall his name.
‘’Happy birthday’’ you repeated for the boy, with your best seller smile.
You moved along with the song, letting your body flow with it like your conversations with Anton, you caressed the pole and showed as much as you should to everyone in the room.
You slid your chest against the cold metal until you were bended, so everyone could appreciate how long your legs were and the curvature of your ass covered by the little piece of underwear, and how good your skin looked with the dark stockings and the green details.
It wasn’t anything out of the usual for you, you had danced for that exact same group before, you could recognize their faces, but there was a fire inside you that pushed you to be even dirtier than normal, wanting to take off your undergarments immediately to silently tell him, you’re not the only one.
You walked to the birthday boy and loosed the grip of your corset, showing him your back so he could take the satin tape off by himself, letting him open it like his own gift.
You were contemplating if to let him touch you a bit or not when Anton pulled you out of the room by the hand before the boy could even finish, letting everyone shocked inside.
When you got out Sungchan almost stopped him, but Shotaro, who was just passing, stopped him with a glance, allowing Anton to take you to the next room. Sungchan looked at you with worried eyes and you smiled to calm him down before Anton closed the door.
‘’What are you doing?’’ He asked you with a higher tone than usual.
‘’I was in the middle of a dance if you didn’t notice, and that means, I was working’’ you spat in the same tone.
His eyes got darker with your tone, of course the pretty boy had never discussed about not getting his way before, because you could feel the heat coming out from him with every second that passed. ‘’No, you were supposed to be with me the whole time, I paid your boss to have you right by my side, I paid you to entertain me, not him.’’
‘’Yeah, I thought so too, but you didn’t even stop the birthday boy, your friend, so what was I supposed to do?’’
‘’Maybe just say no and come to me, is that so difficult?’’
‘’You have no idea how much, you may not know how this is, but I don’t have the privilege of saying no while working. The minute I walk into that room I’m supposed to entertain anyone who asks for it if I don’t want to lose my job, and you could, but you didn’t call me, he did’’ your eyes started to blurry with fury, blinking fast to not let yourself tear up.
He saw that, he saw you trying to be strong, and when you said that he felt so wrong, because he knew the situation could’ve been avoided if he had talked before to his friends.
Your arms were crossed and you didn’t meet his eyes. He saw your chest moving up and down, still angry with him, and bad things went through his mind, like just leaving and going to the girl that was already by his side, or just leaving the whole place, but how could he leave you just like that? He had such a weak spot for you that, after sighing and passing his hand over his face to recollect himself, his other hand, even with the possibility of you plainly rejecting him, searched for yours.
You gave it to him, your frown softening, and he kissed the palm of your hand thankful of you giving it to him. ‘’I’m sorry.’’
‘’For what?’’
‘’For everything, you’re right, I should’ve stopped him, you were just doing your job, I’m the one who should’ve said something.’’
Your lip quivered and you sniffed. ‘’Then why didn’t you just do it?’’
‘’I don’t know, I was so anxious waiting to see you, when you crossed that door I couldn’t concentrate on anything that wasn’t you and how pretty you looked smiling to me, I never thought he would call you.’’
‘’Well, for your information, I’m pretty popular around here’’ you said with a small grin.
‘’Oh, that I know’’ he smiled when he saw you relax to him.
He continued kissing your knuckles and, when he didn’t have any finger left to kiss, interlocked his hand with yours, pulling you to him to then wrap you with his arms. It was warm, the heat of the discussion replaced with the heat of intimacy, an unknown sensation for you, never hugged like that for a man before, making you feel shy against his chest. Hiding your face on his neck, after inhaling the cologne you perfectly knew at that point, you felt his hands playing with the undone lace of your corset his friend was about to take off.
‘’I thought about what you said’’ you admitted. ‘’I bought a gift for me.’’
He chuckled next to your ear. ‘’So you did think about me these days.’’
‘’Maybe’’ your hands gripped his shirt, ‘’you said you like green, I mean, it’s not white, your favorite color, but I prefer green.’’
His eyes closed hard taking in what you just said, you remembered what he told you, and you did think about him, you didn’t plainly say it, but he could feel how much you had thought his words. He denied with his head, ‘’I love green.’’
You smiled.
His hand followed the trail of your back until he found the small of it. He wanted to move his hands further, but he didn’t know how you would react. Everything with you was so unsure, doubting if to gamble or not into the situation, he was too hesitant to ask for more.
Both hands gripped on each side of your waist, and appreciating how much of you he could hold, his mouth left a soft kiss over your ear, making you jolt with the shiver it sent.
‘’Can I kiss you?’’ he murmured the only thing he thought you would permit.
You gulped, the room had the lights on and he could perfectly see you, you had no way of hiding how nervous you were, and besides, with him you had no way of acting anymore.
Your ears were red again and, moving one of his hands from your waist to your face, holding your cheek and making you face him, eyes up to him, he pulled your mouth to his, because if you hadn’t refused him until then, you just wouldn’t. After days of talking to you he realized you may not be able to say no to others, but with him you had the freedom of speaking your mind, and you knew that, if you refused him, he would stop.
A whimper almost scaped your lips, his mouth was so soft against yours, like nothing you had felt before.
Well, not that you had kissed many guys before, one in high school prom and the other was the one you gave your virginity to, an asshole that after fucking you never called you again.
Still, it felt surreal.
So, this is how it’s supposed to feel, you thought.
His mouth first left quick pecks, a delicate touch of both mouths almost too chaste for you to feel deserving of it, but then he felt more comfortable, and after grabbing the back of your neck, he pushed his mouth against yours, making you open your mouth to interlock your lips with his and teach you how to properly kiss.
His lips worked yours with experience, something you didn’t have at all. You wanted to think your movements, but he was so overwhelming, his whole presence was too much for you, making you dizzy with the feverish sensation that creeped your cheeks while one of his hands kept playing with your corset.
You gulped when he gave you a second to breathe.
He had noticed you didn’t know what to do, so he did his best to guide you, but even he was getting dizzy with the way your mouth accepted him with clumsiness but yearning.
How it was possible for you to apparent all that confidence and knowledge when you couldn’t even follow an innocent kiss? He died to find out, it wouldn’t be in that moment, but some day he hoped.
His mouth went back to you and stole your breath with every minute against yours.
Not much after, when his hand pressed the side of your rib, close to your chest but still not that bold, your mouth opened to leave a soft moan, and he took advantage of that to push his tongue inside.
You whimpered loudly, making his member wake inside his pants.
The room was so fucking hot he felt his turtleneck making him sweat and he wanted to push his hips with yours so close to grin and find some satisfaction that eased the pain, but he contained himself and, to not pull you closer, he pushed your hips way from him instead, to not let you feel his hard on. Your mouth was pretty much locked with his, but he felt like he’d scare you with his boner if you couldn’t even deal with a kiss.
He laughed in the middle of it, you always made him enjoy your company so much, he couldn’t believe he was thinking how to not make you uncomfortable with his erection when you were in front of him revealing your body with one of your skimpy outfits you had to wear at work, he was sure you had seen enough boners at that point of your career, so how would his be any different that made him too shy to display?
You whimpered when his tongue pressed harder against yours and he knew he was fucked, because how could any man resist you? He wanted to hear more, a lot more, he wanted to kiss you for hours until his cock leaked untouched, he didn’t need your touch to feel good, just your mouth touching his was enough.
He had no way of stopping you when you started to push him to the couch behind. His calf touched it and his whole body fell sitting over it, waiting for you to straddle his lap and let him feel your weight over him like the first time he called for your company, hoping to feel the same movements over him but now with your mouth over him and desire instead of disgust.
You couldn’t even sit when the door opened and you jumped away from him.
‘’Time’s up’’ Sungchan said.
You gulped and hid Anton with your body, not letting Sungchan see how his mouth had rests of your lipgloss all around.
You suddenly felt like a girl hiding her boyfriend from her dad, and Anton had a grin on his face because he felt the same, as if the dad of his girlfriend was about to kick his ass for stealing his little girl’s innocence when, in reality, he was a client in an establishment only for adults.
‘’We’ll be out in a second’’ you said with an exhale, making him lift an eyebrow, and after a long second, nod and close the door.
When Sungchan left you turned back to Anton with lingering dizziness between you two, you wanted to continue but at the same time thought it was the best that Sungchan had stopped you. You were about to rut yourself against his dick like the first time you entered the VIP room alone with him, and that time you didn’t want to, so it was easy to stop, but now? You weren’t sure anything, or anyone, could stop you.
‘’I should go an apologize to my friend’’ Anton said after catching his breath and looking up to you with drowsy eyes. His hand slid behind you and helped you tie you corset again.
‘’And I should go with you, after all, I’m your company for the night’’ you quickly answered, swiping a finger over his lips to clean the remaining makeup you had left.
‘’You’re right, you’re always right.’’
You sat over his lap the whole night while he whispered praises to your ear, making you smile and ignore everyone’s curious eyes.
second visit ↬ third visit ↬ fourth visit
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'tis the damn season
Manorian modern au
Inspired by 'tis the damn season, by Taylor swift
Nsfw
December 23rd
Manon slammed the trunk harder than she should have. The car shuddered beneath her, as did Elide, but her friend said nothing. She just pulled Manon's second suitcase's until she was next to her, and she was grateful for that.
The click of the car being closed was the only sound besides the wheels on the sidewalk to accompany them for a few minutes. Glennis' house was only a few meters away, but it was enough to annoy her. The nearest parking spaces were occupied, and Bronwen was an asshole who insisted on filling the garage when she had her own house to do it in. She could go fuck herself too.
Elide slowed down. The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable, but Manon knew she wanted to talk, to point out the everyday things that they hadn't discussed for a long time, ever since the distance — her fault, as well as many other things — between them began. Her friend was looking for something normal between them, and to be honest, so was Manon. But rebuilding the walls that had once come close to falling around herself, making them double in size, had taken a lot of effort. And tearing them down would take even more.
It wasn't a price she was willing to pay for just one week. Less than that if she was lucky.
Across the street, a woman Manon had never seen in the city slammed the car door. She had brown hair that hit the middle of her and was talking very fast on her cell phone. She wore a medical jacket.
Elide looked at the woman, at Manon, and looked away. Weird.
— Who’s that?
— Did you know that Yrene now runs the hospital?
Manon looked at her, surprised. The last time she was in town, Yrene Towers was finishing medical college.
— What does that have to do with her?
Elide cleared her throat. Manon almost stopped walking. Yrene was close to a subject she didn't want to hear about. Too close.
— Her name is Sorscha. She works there. She came from Fenharrow at the beginning of the year.
— Fenharrow? — Manon frowned. What was that woman doing in the tiny town where she had grown up? There were thousands of cities all over the country much closer to the frontiers, and somehow people ended up at that end of the world. — How the hell did she end up here?
Elide shrugged.
— I haven't talked to her very much. Yrene might know.
Luckily, the woman wasn't interesting enough for Manon to ask. She wasn't going to talk to Yrene. The doctor could break her face if she wanted, she didn't care. But there was more to the story. She knew Elide well enough to know when there was something on the tip of her tongue, even if the small, black—haired girl was the best liar Manon knew.
Apart from herself.
— Spit it out.
— She's been hanging out with Dorian.
Manon stopped. At least the four steps to Glennis' door were a good excuse for the reaction she shouldn't have had. With more force than necessary, she snatched her suitcase off the floor by the handle and began to climb.
— If I wanted to know who he's hanging with, I would have asked him.
Elide pulled up the second suitcase, with a little more difficulty due to her height, and examined her face. It turned out that a lifetime of being raised by her grandmother and the time in Los Angeles had honed her ability to appear indifferent over the last 23 years.
Before her friend could reply, the front door opened abruptly.
— Don't be rude to Elide. — Glennis said.
Then she pulled Manon into a tight hug that made her feel guilty for disappearing for four years. But not enough to make her regret it.
The comfort of the embrace made a lump appear in her throat. This was the grandmother who made Manon feel like she had something close to a family. The one who had taken years to find her. Who had arrived too late. It had taken her a while to put an end to the what ifs. What if her father had taken her mother with him when they moved to Rifthold? What if her grandmother had been away when her parents' accident happened. What if Asterin's mother had a better financial condition and had gotten custody of her. What if she hadn't had to grow up with that woman. Enough.
She made the questions go away and left her alone. As soon as Glennis let her go and Manon caught a glimpse of Bronwen in the doorway, she flashed her middle finger.
Her cousin just shrugged.
— Hi to you too, asshole.
Their grandmother slapped them both.
— If you start with that bullshit so soon, you can set up a ring in the street. In my house, behave yourselves. Bronwen, be nice to your cousin, you haven't seen each other for four years. — she emphasized the time. As if Manon didn't know how much the distance had hurt her. — Manon, you've been here for a too short time to have such a low level of patience.
— That's the full—time level. — she muttered.
Glennis greeted Elide and sent Bronwen to help Manon with her suitcases. She had been in the city for less than an hour and already wanted to disappear again.
Her room was just as she had left it. Incomplete, confused and a little lost. With half the things that had been hers packed, because despite the relief of no longer having to live under the same roof as her grandmother, it wasn't enough to make another place any less strange. Bronwen put down her suitcase without much care, but before she left, she stopped at the door.
— Look, we've never got on very well, but don't think I appreciate you being away for so long. Firstly because it upset Glennis, and secondly because I don't hate you. And even though I'm annoyed, I'm glad you're here.
Without giving her time to reply, her cousin left and slammed the door. She pulled off her boots and coat and sank onto the bed. She checked her cell phone before plugging it into the charger and closed the curtains to block out the afternoon sun, that was bringing a little warmth despite the winter. It reminded her too much of California for her liking.
Manon closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. She needed to sign the inheritance papers her parents had left for her. She should have done this when she was twenty—one, but her career was starting to take off, and since then she had been stuck in a mess of documents with the person she hated most in the world.
But she had already put that off for an absurd amount of time. Besides, if she wanted to stay in L.A., she needed the money. She hadn't looked into her grandmother's rigid face for years. That was long enough to need to do it one last time in her life.
But if it had only been that, a single person to avoid, she wouldn't be swimming in stress. The problem was that she was running away from the whole city. From Glennis and Bronwen, even though they were in the same house, she would have run away from Elide if her friend hadn't seen it coming and been quicker.
And there was him.
More than anything else, she was running away from Dorian Havilliard, which included his circle of friends and, consequently, half of the city. And now the lovely girl he was seeing. Manon didn't need to know anything about this. It made no difference. Nor was it the reason she wanted to break a window. She had a list full of them, and that one wasn't on it.
She thought about picking up her cell phone again, but to hell with it. The next day was Christmas Eve. Ironically, she was happy to get away from Los Angeles for a few hours. From her agent, from the madness, from the insufferable celebrities, from the few real friends she had made, and from her obligations.
Apart from the question of documents, having no commitments, no responsibilities the next day was... freeing. It lifted a suffocating weight from her back. It was the first time in a long time that she had had time to breathe.
Manon opened her eyes. She had an infinity of unresolved issues in that place. But Los Angeles wasn't her home. And perhaps she was the one making that city a hell.
—
December 25th
The advantage of living in a small town? Gossip spreads faster than fire on dry grass. Dorian wouldn't say he was a gossiper. He just liked to keep informed about other people's lives.
The bad side? When the gossip was about him. Or something he didn't want to know about. Elide had told her boyfriend Lorcan. Who had told Rowan. Which basically meant that the whole town knew. Dorian had to give him some credit, at least he was discreet. Rifthold was too small for a journalist, which was why Aelin had agreed to move with him to the capital, after he had stayed in the country for her. But in a small city? Rowan got really excited. The conclusion was that apart from his beauty, that was the reason he was adored by half of the old ladies there.
The point was that Dorian had spent the whole of Christmas trying not to think about it. About her. Just a few streets away. When they were finishing high school, they were practically on opposite sides of town, but Dorian hadn't set foot in his father's house for a long time. Not even when he went to the city for some reason. His mother and Hollin had stopped by his house, and had even sent him a present. It was something, even if it was more because she felt obliged to than because she wanted.
Now he was sitting on the couch, alone. Thinking. Having repeated doses of existential crises, which were interrupted by Aelin knocking on the door.
— Merry Christmas. — she said, her voice muffled as the two of them hugged.
He hugged Rowan and invited them in, but Aelin refused.
— My mom's waiting. We're just here to pick up my present.
Dorian chuckled.
— You're ridiculous. — But he went to get her package in the living room. When he came back to the door, she also had a package. Both shaped like books.
— What a surprise. — Aelin mocked. — Thanks.
— Are you having your party tomorrow? — Dorian asked.
— Of course, and on New Year's Day will be at Elide's house. We're staying until the 1st this time, it's been a while since we've been able to get everyone together. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about this. Do you think she'll go? Elide must want to take her.
She didn't have to say who.
— I have no idea. We haven't spoken since the day she left.
Aelin nodded.
— I just wanted to let you know that she might be there. Good night.
He said goodbye to them. Dorian wasn't sure how the thought of meeting her made him feel. Perhaps he was still angry. After a while, he had stopped thinking about her. Not completely. Some what ifs were hard to let go.
Especially when they had come so close to being what he wanted, only for everything suddenly end like it had never existed. It had been a long time, so many things had changed and happened. And the more time passed, the more Dorian was sure he could let it go once and for all.
But it would have been good, if she had been the one.
—
December 26th
Aelin Galathynius knew how to give a party.
Dorian had to give his friend the credits. Even if, after drinking, dancing, laughing and chatting, he was standing on the balcony alone while the rest of his group of friends split up into couples. Except for Fenrys, of course. He was with some random woman in one of the mansion's many rooms. If he wasn't with more than one.
He could be as a couple if he started to make an effort, but besides the fact that Sorscha hadn't finished her shift at the hospital, the thought of meeting her was bothering him. Probably because he didn't want to be an asshole or admit that he was thinking about someone who had become a ghost years ago. Dorian shook his head before he followed that line of thought and turned to get another glass of champagne. And froze.
He had seen Elide earlier, but alone. Now... Dorian didn't know why he was so surprised. It wasn't like he hadn't known she was in town, Aelin had made sure of warning him personally that she might be there. But apparently, he hadn't prepared himself as well as he thought. She was beautiful. She always was, but somehow she'd managed to look better. Her hair was longer, past the middle of her back and in a more refined cut than the one she wore in high school. He had avoided the pictures when magazine covers and social media ads started appearing with her face, but the urge to see her sometimes was stronger.
Underneath the heavy coat she had hung up, she wore heeled boots, pants that hugged her legs so tightly it should have been a crime, and a sleeveless blouse with a neckline that could have been an attempt on his sanity. All in black. Except for the lipstick.
Guess who just got fucked?
Dorian hadn't noticed that he was holding his breath until he saw her turn her back and go to another part of the house. Then he felt a bitter taste in his throat. That was why he had given up on what he was starting with Sorscha. Because, apparently, just knowing that she was in town was enough to take ten steps back.
Giving up on something good, something that might have a future, something that could turn into a real relationship, just for seeing Manon. Four years. After four years without a word between them, after she had left, Dorian was still there. Right where she left him.
—
Manon had been at the party for exactly 48 minutes and already regretted it. Elide had spent the whole afternoon annoying her, until Glennis decided she couldn't take it anymore and helped her friend to push her out. Terrible idea.
After spending much more time washing her hands than was necessary, she decided it was enough. This was ridiculous. It was past time to get out of that place instead of hiding in a bathroom like a scared teenager. At least she had somehow managed not to bump into Dorian. Manon had only glimpsed him once and ended up on the other side of the room.
The thought of meeting him brought up so many different feelings, none of which she wanted to feel. Remorse. Shame. Longing. So much that sometimes it still hurts. Ok, that's enough.
She was going to sign the documents with her grandmother the next day. Then she might never set foot on the street again until she was on her way to an airport. Maybe she'd go back to Los Angeles sooner. Or end up in any other city, it didn't matter. Just one more day, she decided, closing the bathroom door. She'd survive one more fucking day…
Manon stopped. Just as she had at the door of Glennis's house. She froze in place when she raised her head. When she recognized his features in the low, spaced lights of the hallway. His eyes were as wide as she felt her own for half of a second before she forced her face back into its usual expression.
Dorian did the same. The shock quickly turned to an emotion she couldn't identify and didn't like.
— It's been a while, witchling.
The nickname didn't seem satisfied with just entering her ears. His voice made sure to send a series of shivers through her entire body, which made her regret wearing only her bodysuit. The heavy barrier of the jacket would cook her inside the house, but it would be very welcome now.
— I think so.
She gave up trying to get past him. She still had a whole hallway to cross to the stairs. Fucking hell.
— How's life in L. A.? I imagine it's pretty good, since you haven't set a foot here for four years.
It irritated her deeply. At any moment he, Elide and Glennis would get together to put up an outdoor in a square counting how many seconds she had spent away.
— I've never been the biggest fan of this place.
— You can see it. Has Yrene talked to you? I'm sure she wants to see you.
— I haven't talked to anyone.
From the way Dorian smiled, he was enjoying the conversation and her rudeness wasn't going to send him off any time soon. Good.
— Oh, it's an usual activity then. I thought not talking to anyone was only for special occasions, like when you go to the other side of the country.
— Glennis and Bronwen knew. And they were the only ones who needed it.
He snorted.
— You really got some nerve to say that.
Manon held back from expressing any physical reaction, like slapping him in the face.
— Incredibly, I have better things to do than debate this with you. If you had something to say to me, you could have sent a message. It's a bit late now.
— No, Manon, you could have sent a message, breaking up with me, saying you were going. You could have sent a damn goodbye emoji, anything would have been better than nothing at all.
Manon felt the heat of anger and shame spreading across her face. Thankfully the hallway was dark.
— And what do you want me to say? — she asked, gritting her teeth. She was aware that they were one step away from start shouting, but she didn't care.
— The reason? Or I don't deserve an explanation either?
— What difference does it make? Why do you even care?
Dorian opened his mouth to reply, but someone came from the stairs to the corridor where they were. He went to one of the doors, opened it and entered a room, but didn't close it, waiting for her to come in. What a pitty. Now she was free to get out of there and lock herself in her room, as she should have done all night.
That's what Manon thought, until she recognized the long brown hair in one of the dim lights in the corridor. The same one she'd seen coming out of a car in the first few minutes in Rifthold. Sorscha. She must have arrived recently, Manon hadn't seen her anywhere in the house. And if she'd been at the party earlier, Dorian probably wouldn't have been there fighting with her.
So, giving in to her ridiculous jealousy, Manon entered the room with him and closed the door behind her.
The room was almost brighter than the corridor, with moonlight coming in through the window. Dorian turned on a small lamp next to a pile of books. The bedroom reminded her of his old one when they were both teenagers, and it could have been cozy, if his expression wasn't freezing the room. She regretted going in there, continuing a fight that would bring back everything she had been struggling to forget over the last few years. His gaze emitted a cold she had never seen in Dorian. One that was too similar to her own. And one that Manon knew she was only staring at because she had caused the pain that had put it there.
Sorscha's footsteps sounded outside in the hallway, and she was afraid Dorian would say something, but they remained silent until she was down the stairs again. A slight feeling of guilt troubled her, but it passed quickly. It wasn't the worst thing she had done in her life.
— Where did we stop? — He asked.
— You were about to start a monologue.
His smile was all sarcasm and the coldness she was already starting to hate.
— That was too insensitive. Even for you. — He spat out the last word with such anger that it almost made her want to run away. Hell of jealousy that didin't let her walk away and pretend nothing had happened. — You're not going to convince me that you didn't care, so why, Manon? That's all I want to know. What I've been trying to understand for four fucking years.
She bit her lip. Hearing him say her name broke up the familiarity that the fight had brought and reminded her that they had just met. The strangeness of that reality after all the scenarios and possibilities Manon had built up in her head of what it would be like to meet him again made her dizzy.
She had lost count of how many times she had replayed again and again the scene in her mind when she couldn't sleep. When having to face him was less complicated than whatever she was going through in California.
— You knew that the only thing I'd wanted my entire life was to get out of this city.
— But I didn't know that you had no reason to stay.
A laugh without a glint of humor came out of her mouth, leaving behind a bitter taste that burned her throat. It sounded just exactly her grandmother's.
— Are you sure? Why would I stay? To spend another night with you? You decided you wanted more than a casual thing on your own, when we both knew from the start that it wouldn't be anything more than that.
A sound of pure shock and indignation came out of him.
— Is that what you invented to sleep better? We were long past that when you left.
— We had fought. — She tried to defend herself, knowing she couldn't.
— Weeks before. We'd already made up.
— And what did you want me to say? — she exploded, taking a step towards him. — Would you be happy when I told you I was moving away just when things were like you wanted?
The shouting had totally started now.
— Of course not, but at least I'd know! — he replied, taking another step closer to her. — I had to find out from your cousin that you were on the other side of the fucking country because you weren't anywhere and wouldn't answer your cell phone, without any explanation. Do you have any idea how desperate I was, thinking your grandmother had done something to you?
That was like a punch in the gut. Manon had never thought of it in that way, and the worst part was that the possibility of her grandmother hurting her was real. A million unspoken things bubbled up in her throat as silence killed the argument, but when she felt an apology appearing, she decided it was time to change the subject.
— Do you really want to fight at a crowded party? — she pointed out, casually.
Dorian remained silent for a few seconds, while he calmed his breathing.
— Do you want to try again somewhere quieter? The middle of the forest is pretty empty at this hour.
— The forest? What if I decide to sacrifice you?
He pressed his lips together to contain a smile or a grimace, she didn't know. With the direction of the conversation going in something so similar to what they used to have, it could have been either of them.
— Knowing that you have another ten witches on your back? I don't think so.
When the silence returned, she took two steps towards the door. It seemed wrong to leave like that, to be anywhere in Rifthold where he wasn't with so many unresolved things hanging between them. Manon knew that meeting him again would be bad, but she hadn't imagined that the list of possible after—effects was so long.
— When are you leaving? — he asked, as soon as she reached the exit of the room.
Manon turned to him, leaning against the door.
— As soon as I get what I need from my grandmother.
— What? — He frowned. — Are you going to see her?
— It's about inheritance. — She answered quietly. That subject was bad in every way she could imagine. — My lawyer said there was no way to avoid it.
And she had tried hard.
— But then you should have done this two years ago.
Manon shrugged.
— It wasn't time enough away.
Before she could open the door, he took a few steps towards her.
— Well, remember that before you leave, we have a fight to finish.
She huffed.
— You should give up and run while you still have the chance.
— I never ran from you, witchling.
— It would’ve been easier if you had.
The sentence hung in the air, waiting for the direction of the conversation to be decided. Dorian silently agreed to put the seriousness and the bad part of the past aside for a moment, as he opened a half-smile.
— True, but then it wouldn't be fun. And imagine how sad your life would be if you'd never slept with me?
A siren started to play in her head. Manon frowned.
— Do you really want to get into this topic?
— I'm not getting into anything. — She rolled her eyes. — I was just saying.
The problem was that when it came to them, nothing was just anything. She looked at him. The slightly longer curls, the hint of a beard that hadn't existed when he was a teenager. The memories of why she had slept with him more than once, something she never did, came flooding back. And now he was no longer on the other side of the room, let alone in the country.
— Really?
He shrugged.
— It's not like this could get any worse.
Indeed. Manon tilted her head back, eyes on his face again. Her heart immediately raced. After all, what did she intend entering in a dark room with Dorian?
If she was already in hell, hugging the devil would be nothing.
— If it's ok with you, it's ok with me, princeling.
Saying it out loud was worse. It made the terrible idea slap reality in her face. Dorian approached slowly, put his hand on her side and locked the door. He looked down at Manon, analyzing her face as she had done to him seconds ago. Her heart seemed about to burst out of her mouth. She gave him a look of "just do it". Dorian got the message.
When they kissed, her body tensed like a rope about to snap. The touch was featherlight, a taste of what she had wanted back for so long. He deepened the kiss and her breathing faltered. The sensation of kissing someone she already knew, the familiarity and yet the difference that had arisen in the years apart, turned her mind upside down. His kisses always managed to make her forget that the rest of the world existed, and it was no different this time.
They gained back the ability to move at the same time. Dorian pressed Manon's body between his and the door, and her hand went to the back of his head to pull him close. In the seconds it took them to catch their breath, they stared at each other with the same haunted expression. At least he was as stunned as she was.
This time, when they kissed agaian, he wrapped his arms around her waist, taking the opportunity to touch every inch of bare skin. Dorian ran his hands down the fabric covering her torso, looking for a zipper or button, and mumbled into her mouth when he didn't find one. Manon only murmured "body" and tilted her head back, exposing her neck. Dorian caressed her nipples over the fabric, leaving a mark in the space between her shoulder and neck. Why the hell hadn't she chosen something easier to take off?
She bit her lower lip to hold back a moan as he caressed her, her breasts heavy with lust. When his lips were on hers again, Manon rested her thigh on his hip and Dorian supported her legs so that she could pass them around his waist. Before she could think better of it, he was already carrying her to the bed. He laid Manon down and took off his jacket and shirt.
— Are we really doing this? — she asked, although she was devouring him with her eyes. She didn't mind shamelessly analyzing each muscle he had gained with time.
Dorian lay on top of her.
— When did we ever make a good decision?
Touché
— Just confirming it.
The more they kissed, the less it seemed to be enough. The sexual tension that had always existed between them was on the verge of making her lose her mind. Manon started to open the buttons and zipper of his pants while he pulled down hers. Dorian stood at the edge of the bed while he took off her boots and socks, and finally reached the opening of her bodysuit.
— Did you have to choose the most complicated clothes in the world?
She crossed her arms even though she was mentally cursing herself for the same reason thirty seconds ago.
— I'm sorry to make your life difficult, but I didn't dress with that in mind.
She raised her arms for him to pull off the last piece of clothing, taking her panties with it. But, to her surprise, he turned her around. It was better that way, actually, if they didn't have to look at each other's faces. Dorian ran his fingers up the inside of her thigh, while pushing her hair away from her neck. Manon let her head fall back onto the pillow, clutching the sheet when she remembered that there was still a party going on outside. Still, it was hard to remain silent when he slipped two fingers inside her, still leaving kisses on the back of her neck. Any rational thought left in her head vanished as he moved his fingers slowly.
It was more of a tease than anything, because he pulled away. Manon almost cursed Dorian when the waves of pleasure pushing her close to relief stopped, but he opened the drawer in the bedside table next to him and took out a packet of condoms. She frowned.
— Does Aelin have a stock of these in every room in the house?
— This room is mine.
If Dorian had a room in Aelin's house, he probably had an altar in Chaol's.
She raised her arm to support her head and turned to him.
— So you, very unpretentiously, brought me to argue in your room?
— In my defense, you could've left.
He made her grimace disappear with more kisses and this time, beyond just desire, she felt her heart ache for all the things they could have been and she had ruined. He lay on top of her and, before she could continue thinking, Dorian spread her legs and entered her in a single movement. Manon let her face fall back on the pillow below, as he brought her wrists together and held them above her head. She would have completely forgotten that they couldn't make a sound if it hadn't been for the loud music. Mainly after he wrapped his hand around one of her thighs and pulled it up, opening her wider, the change in angle made him hit the right spot.
His hard strokes became faster, and with all the filthy things he was whispering in her ear, it didn't take long for Manon to bury her face in the pillow to muffle a scream. He bit her shoulder and came seconds later, still thrusting, prolonging the feeling for them both. Slowly, Dorian pulled out of her and lay down on the other side of the bed. Even after she lifted her face, facing him, neither of them said anything, small shivers still running through their bodies.
Manon could have slept there if she'd stayed like that for a few more minutes. So she got up. She sat on the edge of the bed, trying to find her clothes. But before she could get up, he wrapped an arm around her waist.
— Leaving already, witchling?
She opened her mouth to reply, but ended up holding back a moan when he licked her neck, caressing the curve of her breast with his thumb. Not reaching where she needed, just making her want more. It was working.
She turned her face to him and he raised his head. They could have stared at each other for hours, a silent conversation that made it clear that this would happen again. But not tonight
— I want to sleep.
He chuckled quietly, and didn't insist when Manon got up. She started to get dressed, more than aware that he was on the bed without a single item of clothing, staring at her.
She stopped at the door, still with the feeling she'd had earlier that she shouldn't leave the strange bubble that the room had become, sheltered from reality and anyone besides them.
— Good night, princeling.
Manon closed the door without giving him a chance to reply and, this time, ran for the exit, without giving herself a single second to think about the last hours. She had stayed much longer than she should have at that party.
—
December 27th
Dorian was looking for the leftover of the sweets that Nesryn's father had sent in the kitchen cupboards, when someone knocked the door. He went to the living room to open the door, and the last thing he expected in the world was to see Manon on the other side. Especially after the night before.
He had spent the rest of the night and the whole day thinking about it, replaying the conversation, the fight, and everything that happened afterward on a loop in his mind. And from the way Manon was struggling to keep her face blank, she was thinking exactly the same thing.
— I'm very surprised.
— Asterin called me and asked me to pick up a box with you. Something from the truck that she needs.
When Asterin Blackbeak had sent him a message, Dorian hadn't thought that this was what she had intended. He was going to send her some stickers cursing and saying thank you later.
— I know what it is. It's in the garage.
He led the way and Manon entered, looking around to analyze the house. Dorian wondered if she liked it. She used to say that the mansion he'd grown up in was so exaggerated that it lost its beauty. He agreed, but he never knew if she really thought that, or if her dislike of the place was because of what Dorian had been through with his father.
When they arrived at the garage, he showed her the box on one of the shelves, and of course Manon tried to pick it up herself. She was far from being short, but it was enough for him to love the things that the height difference between them provided.
He leaned behind Manon to pick up the box, touching every inch of her back in the process and remembering the sensation of being inside her in that same position a few hours ago. She turned around with her arms crossed, between him and the shelf.
— You're still that shameless?
He left the box on the bench next to him and immediately forgot it existed.
— You could've let me get it.
— I didn't ask your help.
— It was as clear as the sun that you weren't going to reach that shelf.
He saw the exact moment when Manon ran out of arguments by the way her mouth tightened.
— You could've let me get out of the way then.
— Nice try, but you didn't even try to move.
— So what? You let me in.
— You came in because you wanted to. You could've waited at the door.
— You —
He ended the argument with a kiss.
She'd gone there with an objective, just as Dorian had when he'd taken her to his room at the party. Was he an idiot for still wanting Manon so badly after everything she'd done? What a pity. She wouldn't be in town for long, so it would be over as quickly as it had started.
Somehow they ended up upstairs, their clothes disappearing on the way. He pushed her against the door as soon as it was closed and knelt down, pulling her pants down with him, doing what he hadn't had time to do the night of the party.
Dorian put one of Manon's legs on his shoulder and brought his mouth to her center, closing his eyes when he tasted her after so long. The sound that came from her mouth made his cock ache, and pulled his gaze upwards. She had one hand in his hair, her head leaning back against the door, her breath panting and a blush on her cheeks. Still the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
He moved his tongue all over her again, tasting every inch of her slowly, until her body started to tremble and Manon pulled his hair to make him stand. He had a condom in his hands in seconds while she caught her breath, watching him. Dorian had felt rather than seen her gazes in the darkness of the hallway and the bedroom. Now at least he could identify what she was thinking.
He pushed her back against the wall and Manon wrapped her legs around his waist. Since they couldn't do it the day before, they kissed the moment he buried himself in her. She let her head fall on the door, looking at him with her mouth half open and her golden eyes lighten up with desire.
— I love our ability to pretend nothing happened. — he said.
Manon let out a half-smile and thrust her hips, making him move. Dorian was shared between her mouth, neck and breasts, knowing that she would curse him for the hickeys afterwards, but at the moment neither of them cared. He'd be lucky if the door didn't break after being slammed in the lock.
When they finished, they threw themselves on the bed. This time, whether it was because the position required more effort, because of the two orgasms or because she was giving up her stubbornness, Manon didn't leave immediately. She even let him play with the ends of her hair. After a long time, she turned to him. Dorian had already thought of what to say in the meantime. Suddenly, they were both in their second year of high school, in the first few months when he still had to convince her not to leave before she decided she had stayed too long.
— Are you in a hurry, witchling?
—
Manon parked outside Glennis's house, Asterin's box in the trunk. She looked at the dashboard. She had left for Dorian's house in the afternoon. It was past ten pm. She tried not to be silent when she entered the house, like a teenager sneaking back after bedtime.
The last thing she needed was Glennis or Bronwen asking where she was. Manon just wanted to get in the shower and sleep until noon, and she was happy to do that, especially after the afternoon she'd had. Somehow it was even better than at the party. This wouldn't do any good for either of them, but, stupid as it was, as long as Dorian wanted it too, she had no intention of stopping.
Maybe a few days in Rifthold wouldn't be such a nightmare after all.
—
December 28th
Manon regretted the thought less than twenty—four hours later. She hadn't been thinking when she'd driven to Dorian's house, she'd just ended up there. He opened the door and looked at her, the half—smile disappearing from his face and being replaced by concern as soon as he saw her face.
— What had she done?
At least she hadn't had to explain.
— Are you busy?
— No. — He made room for her to enter and closed the door. They stared at each other, Dorian waiting for her to say something until Manon sighed and gave in.
— She took the opportunity to throw in my face everything she hadn't been able to over the last few years. — She laughed without humor, letting her body fall against the wall. — You guess how many things she had to say to me.
— I'm sorry.
She took the courage to look at Dorian. He seemed to want to hug her, but there was no space left between them for this.
— I shouldn't have come here. — She shook her head and headed for the door, but he held her arm.
— You don't have to go if you don't want to.
Being honest with herself, Manon was afraid of what that would turn into if she didn't leave.
— Are you going to distract me, princeling?
He tugged her arm slightly, a step closer.
— Only if you don't run off after.
She lifted a shoulder. Dorian had said at the party that it couldn't get any worse. Apparently they both took it as a challenge.
Later, Manon would be lying if she said she regretted it. It was a little easier to forget problems eating pastries from Nesryn Faliq's family bakery in his huge, soft bed. Her hair was still damp from the shower Dorian had convinced her to take with him in the middle of the night. It was something they had rarely been able to do before, even though his parents didn't give a damn what he did or where he was.
— She's with Sartaq.
Manon swallowed the rest of the lemon tart.
— Really?
— Yes, but they think no one knows.
She crossed her legs, looking for a brigadeiro in the box.
— Are you going to update the gossip I missed?
He laughed.
— Yes, but I thought Elide did that.
Manon frowned as she remembered what her friend had told her.
— Elide only told me things I'm not interested in knowing.
Dorian raised his eyebrows, but she didn't elaborate. He picked up his cell phone.
— I'll open the talk with Aelin and Rowan.
She came a little closer, but he made room so that she was practically on his lap. She ignored the urge to lean her head on his shoulder, but knew that if she had been distracted, she would have done so. It was like they had continued exactly where they had stopped. Which meant things were about to go bad.
—
December 29th
Manon was wearing Dorian's shirt. He held her while they slept. Everything was so similar to how they used to be that she could have gone back in time. The peace and tranquility of a good relationship, which she had never imagined she would feel one day, was the same. Dorian woke up before her, which never happened, and he wasn't in bed. He was making breakfast when she appeared, her hair messy and wearing his clothes. That was always when she looked most beautiful.
— Good afternoon.
— I have to enjoy it while I can. — She defended herself, sitting down on one of the high stools at the kitchen island. — I can't waste half my day sleeping in Los Angeles.
He pushed a plate towards her.
— What's it like? In L.A.?
Manon stopped her toast halfway to her mouth.
— You really want to know?
He shrugged and sat down on the stool next to her. It was weird telling anyone about all of that, especially Dorian, but the conversation eventually became easy. He told her about the bookshop he'd opened with Aelin, about the new house he'd built himself, while Manon spewed venom about the celebrities she'd had the displeasure of meeting.
— But do you hate them all? Like, zero famous friends?
She nodded.
— Just my agent, Morrigan. And Lidia Cervos.
Dorian's eyes widened.
— Lidia Cervos?
— Yes. — She spoke again before he asked for a photo with Lidia or something. — It's funny, because we only met because I was going out with her current boyfriend.
His grimace was priceless.
— The one from the rock band?
She nodded.
— Yes, why?
She held back her smile when he looked away to find an excuse for his sudden mood.
— He doesn't seem to be your type.
— And what would that be?
— Black hair...
— His hair is black.
— Not shaved. Not long. No piercings, no tattoos...
— You look like a conservative lady.
He threw a grape at her.
— Blue eyes...
— His eyes are —
— Blue, Manon. Not violet or whatever that weird color is, blue. Like this. — he said, pointing to his own face.
— As convenient as your self—description is...
He interrupted her with another kiss. After stopping long enough to put the plates in the sink, Dorian put his hands on her thighs under his sweatshirt and placed Manon on the bench, his tongue caressing hers and his fingers between her legs. She smiled as he sucked another mark on her neck, making a mental note to make him jealous more often.
—
It was dark again, and Manon hadn't left his house since the day before. They were lying on the couch, Dorian on the end and she between him and the backrest, his fingers finally stroking her hair, in the way she liked it so much. The familiar touches and affection were good. Really good. But they hurted too. She lifted her eyelids and found him staring at her, a hint of sadness mixed with the blue of his eyes. When he leaned in to kiss her, she didn't pull away.
The beginning of the kiss was enough for her to see that this one was going to be different. Her heart immediately raced. It felt like it was going to explode in her chest when he ran his tongue over her lower lip, before sliding it in her mouth. No rush, no trying to hide anything, just longing and everything they hadn't said to each other.
When it was over, neither of them moved. They continued with their foreheads touching, still not wanting to know what would happen when the moment passed. But the fear soon hit her, as if someone had opened the windows and let icy wind in. It pulled Manon out and made her sit on the couch, her back to Dorian. He took a deep breath, exhaling tiredness without having to say a word.
— You can't help running away, can you?
— And you need to complicate everything. — she replied, but not even her own voice sounded convinced.
— Oh right, because everything was so simple until now.
She turned to him.
— It could be, if you could ignore this for one damn weekend.
— You trying so hard to pretend you don't feel anything isn't going to make it true.
Manon got up from the couch.
— And why should I do anything different if it's going to end in days?
He got up too.
— You tell me! Things don't have to stay like this.
— And what's going to change when I go back to L.A.? — She felt an alarm screaming in her head, but ignored it. — Give me a single reason not to leave things as they are. I don't see any.
She regretted it the moment the words left her mouth. She had already said the same thing, the same lies, years ago.
It had already been clear that there were feelings between them, but it was the first time they had talked and admitted it. Of course, she had tried to push him away, but Dorian didn't let her. That fight they managed to resolve, was one of the few times in her life that Manon had gone back on her word. At some point, she regretted it. If they had been fighting when she went to Los Angeles, a small part of things would have been easier. Now... he just shook his head.
— I'm not doing this again.
Dorian walked past her to get his sweatshirt from the kitchen. To leave, Manon realized. Immediately, despair set in. He would walk out of that door and he could go anywhere. If he didn't want to see her ever again and disappear until she was gone, he could. She remained static, watching the fragile shield they had managed to maintain crumble. Until he passed her and her body moved of its own accord.
She grabbed his arm and Dorian stopped, looking at her with pure anger and hurt on his face. Her hands were shaking. Was this how he had felt when he watched her leave, not being able to do anything?
Thorns pierced her throat. It would be hard to pull them out, but Manon wasn't going to lose him out for being a coward again.
— I couldn't say goodbye because if I had to, I wouldn't have left. — she said. And once she'd started, she couldn't stop, the words came out in a torrent. — When Asterin called to say that she had made a friend who had agreed to be my agent, I didn't give myself time to think. I just went, because if I thought about it, if I told you, I wouldn't leave, and I had to. I couldn't stay here, Dorian. But Glennis had found me, I'd met Elide, and I had you. I had accepted that I had you. How could I go so far away, leaving everything that was important behind?
Manon took a deep breath. Her chest was hurting so much it was suffocating, but she had to keep going.
— But I'd never have a chance of something like that happening again. I practically informed Glennis that I was leaving because I lived in her house. And that's the only reason I was able to go. It doesn't mean I don't regret it every fucking day.
Dorian blinked quickly and swallowed. She wasn't crying, but she knew there was pain in every line of her face.
— But what about after that? — he asked. — When you were already there, or when things started to work out? You had weeks, months, years to say something. Anything, Manon.
She shook her head, still not sure if she was breathing.
— Weeks, months, years later, I was still dying inside. I still am. The first year was... — she had to stop again as the memories came. — Impossible. I wanted to run back, but I couldn't, not with my grandmother here. I couldn't give up, I didn't want to run back and have her telling me I was the fragile little girl who deserved every slap. If I'd talked to you, if I'd had the slightest impression that you didn't hate me and would rather never see me again, I would have come back.
The words died between them and were replaced by silence. Dorian wasn't looking at her, but he hadn't moved either. Manon kept her hand firmly around his arm.
— That's my reason. — she said, hating her voice for failing.
Dorian nodded.
— Was it worth it? — he asked.
She didn't know how to answer. She asked herself that question every day. Was it worth being away from her grandmother? Yes. But to be away from everyone she loved? Never. Everything she had built up in her career? Yes. But in exchange for the hell that life in L.A. had been? Having to live every day with people who reminded her of her grandmother, always around just to find out if Manon could make it?
— I don't know. — she admitted.
Things weren't absolute, they didn't have only good and bad sides. But she would be lying if she said she didn't look back at the road not taken
Dorian finally looked at her. Manon felt her own eyes burning. The fear was visible on her face, as was the request for him not to leave. He no longer looked angry, but deeply sad, like the seventeen—year—old boy who barely looked in his father's direction. Manon hated knowing that this time, it was she who had left him like this. Wasn't that why she had resisted so much before agreeing to be with him? Apart from her selfishness, cowardice and fear when she saw that she really liked him, but because she knew she would hurt him.
— I'm sorry. — Manon finally said. He said nothing.
Dorian dropped his arm when she let it go. She was thinking that she would have to go upstairs and get her things, but he put his arms around her waist and hugged her. Manon went still. A knot tightened in her throat, and without realizing it she had hugged him back, as firmly as she could.
— I'm sorry. — she murmured.— I'm so sorry.
— I know. — His voice was low enough that she almost didn't hear it. — We'll be all right.
Two tears escaped before she could stop them, but Dorian didn't notice. They could have spent an eternity there, as long as he didn't let her go, Manon wouldn't either. Finally, when the two of them parted, they didn't say anything more, he just held out his hand. She took it.
—
December 30th
— Will you ever be less stubborn? — Dorian complained, even though he was laughing against her neck.
— The day you become less annoying.
Manon turned to him, smiling, his arm still around her waist. She had only left his house early in the morning to pick up some clothes. Glennis and Bronwen were awake and tried to tease her, but she just left the house as quickly as she came in. Manon would be back, though. She owed them a real talk, too.
They hadn't slept much after spending the whole night talking, truthfully, that time. She had told him everything, from her first months in L.A. to what had happened with her grandmother that week. Dorian rested his arm next to her head, his nose almost touching hers.
— I'm sorry, but it's my favorite activity.
— I don't think so.
She pulled Dorian into a kiss. Manon spread her legs and he laid between them. She was tired, but apparently not enough, because wetness pooled between her legs.
Her phone rang, ruining her mood immediately, and he kissed the tip of her nose before moving away to let her answer. When she saw the name on the screen, Manon froze, all the comfort of seconds ago disappearing.
— It's my agent.
She went out into the corridor.
— Mor?
— Did you do what you needed to do, sweetheart?
She sighed and leaned against the wall. Here we go.
— Yes.
— That's good. So, when are you coming back?
— When do I need to come back?
A second of silence on the other end of the line, then she let out a little scream.
— So you're your hot ex—boyfriend...
— Morrigan.
— All right, love, I get it. I can get you to stay until the 2nd, but you'll need to post something. Something about the small town, family, all that shit we know you love. Something like: "hey Instagram, I haven't forgotten about you! I just missed my family, and that's what the holidays are for, isn't it?" I think that's enough.
— Right. — Manon interrupted, before she started babbling. — Is that all you wanted to know?
— Of course, sweetie. We'll update your schedule when you get here. — She paused, and her voice lost its playful tone. — I've been with you for three years, Manon, and you've never taken a single break. You can stay there for a few more days, I'll make sure it won't do too much damage.
— Thank you. — she said sincerely.
— I love you too. Bye!
Before Manon could protest, Mor turned off. Dorian was sitting up in bed.
— Do you have to go?
— Not now. We still have a few days.
— And when you need to? How are we going to do that?
She sat on his lap and buried her face in his neck. She would miss his smell. His smiles. Perhaps even more than when she had gone for the first time.
— I don't know. My schedule is always a nightmare. I can't get back here that soon.
He wrapped his arms around her.
— How about once a year?
Manon pulled away to see his face. She had been waiting apprehensively for that moment even before they were ok.
— Is that enough?
Dorian brushed strands of hair away from her face.
— I can go to L.A. before that. If you want me there.
— I won't complain.
He leaned back against the pillows and Manon sat against him. She looked around the room, at the snow—covered forest through the window, and sank into the warmth of his embrace. She could already feel her heart breaking to leave that bed, the most comforting place she had ever known. Dorian entwined his fingers in hers.
— What if I asked you to stay?
Her heart raced. Manon hadn't considered the possibility. But could she? Would she throw it all away, would she have to throw it all away to stay there? She saw the other road again, the one that looked so much better every time she looked at it. She wasn't sure if life in L.A. was worth it. But her grandmother was still in that city.
She needed time. She needed to think. Manon turned to him.
— Then I would ask you to wait.
Dorian nodded, a serious expression on his face. But he leaned over and kissed her cheek.
— Then I'll put a plane ticket on your account, witchling.
—
New Year's Day
The Anielle Lake was crowded at that time of year. With not many other entertainment options in Rifthold, the whole town went there to watch the fireworks on New Year's Eve. Everyone was at Elide's house, which was near the lake, occupying the huge veranda while they waited for the show. They were armed with bottles of champagne and Fenrys to generate entertainment.
Aelin came out of nowhere and slung an arm around Manon's shoulders.
— I'm glad you're not too famous to talk to us. Humility is the thing I value most.
— Is it to make up for the amount you lack? — she replied.
Aelin showed her two middle fingers and turned away. She was certainly already drunk. Lysandra looked at the clock on her cell phone.
— Shut up, the countdown is going to start.
As they could hear people counting from the lake, they followed the crowd. Dorian raised his eyebrows at her when they reached "five". Manon rolled her eyes.
— How old are you?
But at midnight, she kissed him anyway.
Yrene climbed onto a chair, cell phone in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.
— Nobody moves. We haven't had a picture together for an eternity.
Manon thought about complaining, but remembered that she needed the happy small—town picture for Instagram. Lorcan took the selfie to the protest of anyone apart from Elide, Yrene and Chaol — who only didn't protest because they were polite — because his two meters of height had to be good for something. In the end, she didn't regret taking the picture. And Mor was going to love it.
Manon wanted to drag Dorian back home and spend the last day with him, but after the panic of meeting that group passed, she realized how much she had missed them. Although she obviously wasn't ever going to admit it.
Elide suddenly hugged her.
— I'm so glad you're here.
She hugged her back.
— I'm sorry for everything. And thank you for not giving up on me.
She smiled at Manon and put her arm around hers.
— That's what friends are for. But I'll let you make it up to me when I need a favor.
She didn't have a chance to reply because, at that very moment, Fenrys, Lysandra and Aelin joined hands and jumped off the balcony ledge into the nearest mount of snow.
—
January 1st
Manon slammed the trunk hard, just for old time sake. That was enough change for a single week. She had Dorian again. She was talking properly to Elide. She'd seen Yrene (who hadn't broken her face) and all the others, and had a true conversation with Glennis and Bronwen for the first time in years. And more than anything, she was free of a weight. She would never have to see her grandmother again. And she wouldn't.
— I don't think there's anything missing.
Dorian raised his hand.
— There's me.
She rolled her eyes. He pulled her over to the car and kissed Manon. She laughed, because she suddenly felt like she was in high school again, kissing Dorian in a parking lot.
— We're too old for that, princeling.
He smiled and ran his eyes over her face. The smile diminished.
— I think you need to go, then.
Without thinking, Manon leaned in again, pressing her lips to his lightly, before pulling away. She wasn't the kind of person who could say goodbye, not decently. So she wouldn't say anything. But she didn't need to, because Dorian understood. He tightened his grip on her hand and walked away, heading for the front door. Glennis and Bronwen had said goodbye to her earlier with Elide, so the three of them let her go to his house so he could say goodbye last.
Manon got into the car, this time with the promise of something other than an empty city when she arrived at the airport. She started the car, even though she could already feel part of her heart leaving. Four years ago she hadn't looked back. This time, Manon did.
And she literally saw that road, the one she didn't take. Now she was sure of what she would find if she followed it. It leaded to Dorian, in her hometown.
————————————
Did you guys get all the folklore and evermore references?
I wish I had posted this sooner, but I had never written anything so big and 10k words is a lot to review and translate 🥲
Anyway, I hope you like it, Im 100% obsessed with this song 🤌🏼
#manorian#manon blackbeak#throne of glass#dorian havilliard#sarah j maas#dorian x manon#fanfic#christmas one shots#taylor swift#evermore#folklore
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In defense of Maya (without knowing the manga):
She definitely annoyed me because obviously I know Taichi isn't the person she was claiming he is and she clearly knows Kohei likes him as a friend, at least, so it's like ...girl, come on. But like.
She only went off on Taichi after she got the first set of notes he took? Which, let's be honest here, were dogshit. He really didn't take a service that Kohei needs seriously and he was initially doing it for Kohei's lunch. She didn't lie there. We also learned there's only 23 notetakers in the entire college. This is a service that is very much needed, yet doesn't have nearly enough volunteers for, and Taichi was treating it like a joke that didn't matter at first. That shit was hella disrespectful. He didn't mean it as such, and Kohei didn't take it as such either, but it was. So no shit Maya got that notebook and was like "...what the hell am I supposed to do with this? And this is who Kohei thinks is so nice and cool and everything?"
All Maya has are the initial terrible notes that Kohei gave her like they were helpful (they weren't) and knowing Kohei only kept Taichi as his note taker because he liked being around him. With the unspoken fact, that maybe non disabled people didn’t pick up on, that he also only kept Taichi as his note taker because there just aren't enough note takers, so he couldn't have gotten better anyway. Which almost certainly factored in as to why Maya blew up at Taichi. Disabled people shouldn't have to accept shit notes just because the alternative is no notes at all. We already have to work uphill cause of the disability, it's adding insult to injury to basically know everyone’s like "well, yeah it sucks, but you could have nothing." Or even a “yeah, I didn’t care at first, but I do now!” Because it’s like “it’s great that you finally realized this is a real service needed for a real disability that affects real people. Glad you finally figured that out. Congrataritos.” Like it is exhausting being disabled and having to sit there and smile when people have their lightbulb growing moment since we don’t have the option to dick around until we decide to lock it in. So I completely got why those shitty notes set Maya off. Because she didn't go off at him after the dinner, it was after she got those notes.
And on a related note, we all clapped for Taichi when he went off on homegirl in the cafe because she wasn't treating Kohei like a real person with real issues, but he also wasn’t taking Kohei and his problems seriously with those initial notes. Like yes, he started trying and actually doing better, but that only happened once he became friends with Kohei and realized he needed to do better. Who knows, maybe the cafe girl could have grown as a person, like Taichi did, if she had been able to get to know Kohei as a real person. But Taichi didn't let her get that chance, just like Maya wouldn't have let him get that chance if she could. The only difference in those two situations, to me, is Taichi is already Kohei's friend so Maya can't stop them from interacting like Taichi did with that girl.
Like I’m sorry y’all, Maya's not being any more of a bitch than Taichi was because she can only work with the information she has, which obviously isn't what we as viewers have. She’s pushy and overbearing and, yeah, annoying because she also obviously has a crush on Kohei and we know he's sprung on Taichi, but it’s really not like she just looked at Taichi and went “fuck this guy” for no reason.
#I hear the sunspot#Hidamari ga Kikoeru#like yeah she's annoying but let's be honest Taichi can be annoying as well???#I think reducing Taichi down to a cinnamon roll that can do no wrong is severely downplaying how good this show it#because Taichi can do wrong he's even admitted it!#this show is genuinely so dear to me as someone hard of hearing#who for damn near the first time ever is seeing situations I've lived though and still live through play out onscreen#because it's also just so good#so to reduce it to Taichi: Sweet Boy - Maya: Annoying Bitch is just like#what the hell y'all???#as I said though I haven't read the manga#so I mean I guess she could just become an Evil Annoying Bitch cause this is a Japanese BL after all lol#but as of right now#she's really not that#and it's wild to me seeing some of the takes on her ONE episode so far#even in the preview#it's giving more jealous wanting Kohei's time energy and not#evil annoying bitch woman ruining this beautiful gay relationship lol#regular clyde
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hi jen! i've know im a lesbian since I was 12, but because of my problems with socializing i've never actually had ANY romantic interactions(my lesbianism making things even harder, as you can imagine)
i'm almost out of high school and going to college, so i'm feeling very down about missing out on teen romance but dont want the same thing to happen again. do you have any tips on what i can do to avoid this problem in the future? i am genuinely clueless on what to do when looking for a partner, really
even if you dont actually have any advice to give i still really love your blog, it reminds me that lesbians can actually grow old and live happy lives💖💖thank you for hearing me out and i apologize for any grammar mistake!!
This is pretty easy because, while it was pretty outgoing and friendly, it was often not as my full self. I kept my horse girl, lesbian, butch and weird music and hobby side of myself under wraps from most of my friends. I had no word for lesbian or butch but my high school best friend knew I probably liked girls, we just never discussed it and it didn't bother her. It might have been harder on our friendship had I tried to come out in the 80's, not because it bothered her but the insinuations of all the others about our relationship would have been A LOT for a high schooler.
I waited until after college graduation and I used to sometimes look back and wonder how many times I missed out kissing a girl in high school or other women in college. How had twinges of regret for not having sex or even attempting intimacy with women.( I mostly avoided boys too because ew)
As I was sitting in a miserable passionless marriage to my wife of 17years, I pined for that passion and tingle that i had with my first girlfriend from ages 23 to 30. How many times did I miss that feeling with girls in my high school or college or at summer jobs because I was unsure of myself and not confident that any woman would find me attractive. I was even unsure if loving a woman was something I could do. Was it a real thing?
Looking back now I realize I just was not ready and most of my young friends in high school were not ready for me to be out and opening attracted to the same sex. I had fun in high school, made friends and had a small group of girls I was very close to. I enjoyed those friendships perhaps because I did not come out and cause those bonds to be strained.
In college I was concerned how my parents would react and I was in no way independent from their financial and emotional support. My friends were all around me experimenting with their sexuality and I was watching from outside, really wanting what they had but not willing to give up my security and college education to be open about being a lesbian. I knew I could just "do it and hide it" but I was not built for the stealthy life. I know if i was loving loving women it would be hard to be quiet.
Here is the point I am getting at with the sharing of all these experiences. If you were not ready to act on dating and attempting to date it is probably good that you listened to yourself. We are not on a time line and many young people feel pressured to date when their confidence, sexual maturity and social skills are not ready yet which can lead them to be vulnerable to abusive, controlling or unhealthy relationships. It is hard to listen to your own intuition and set and keep boundaries when you are trying to date just to not be the only one not dating.
What you more likely missed out on was not the thrill of dating but the hassle of pretending you want to date when it didn't feel right, at all.
You are heading to college. You are now becoming interested in the excitement of dating on your own and not because others think you need to date. You are craving the touch, the tingly feeling and the companionship of women. These are all good signs you are ready to date.
My advice:
1.Be honest with yourself and then her (your date) every time. Do not go on date number two if it does not feel right. If you are unsure go on another date but continue to listen to yourself.
2.You deserve passion and mutual excitement to be in the company of a woman. If one of you do not feel it, move on.
3.Do not stick to a relationship because it is "ok" or she is "nice" . You have the right to sexual, emotional and intellectual stimulation. Look for it and don't settle.
4.There will be other women so don't cling to the first one or the one willing to stick around just because she is there. If you don't feel all the afore mentioned excitement, be honest with yourself and her and move on.
5. Dating a woman with whom you share many wonderful moments and lots of joy does not mean you will be together forever or have that expectation. Short term love is a thing and neither of you are failures when that fades out.
6. Ask her. If you see a woman that interests you be clear that you would like to take her on a date and you have romantic interests. Don't be vague or try to use hints. This leads to miscommunications and false expectation every time.
7. Finally, use all the dating and flirting and breakups and heartbreaks and joy and fun and memories to form who and what you are looking for as a partner. All that experience is giving you a better idea on what makes you truly happy.
You missed out on nothing. The adventure is just beginning and it can start with a simple "Hi, I think you are cute. Would you be willing to go on a date with me?" She might say "no", but she MIGHT say "yes".
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[My] Fanon Ness
I must stress that this was helped made possible by @raglansragdoll Please give them love too!!! Also I know I have requests I'm working on them ^^;;
Full Name: Ness Wilhelm Scott
Age: 23 years old
Birthday: June 26, 1977
Gender: Genderqueer gay man (very closeted and internalized transphobia beginning of story | also period accuracy he wouldn't really state it this way, modern times he'd def have neos and such but that be an au)
Pronouns: He/Him
World building under the cut!
Ness is an absolute nerd. He's currently in college getting his master's degree in business, minor in theatre. He's been working at Sparky's since his freshman year of college to help pay student loans and such. He lives in a quaint, cramped apartment downtown near his college. He likes his coworkers, the gossipy waitresses, and his manager. He's never met the owner, though (🐇).
He loves to be in-the-know. He eavesdrops constantly at work, and it's honestly the best place to gather bits and bobs about the local townsfolk, cryptids, and other oddities. With his flamboyant nature and such a small town, he's also well-known and trusted. The grannies who come every Sunday after church services, crochet, and tip well trade tea for knowing about his personal life. Got a girlfriend yet? How's that degree going? How's your parents?
Though he's stuck his nose where it isn't supposed to be, plenty of times. Back when he was 19, him and a few buddies broke into their school's boiler room because rumor was it's haunted and had a skull of a pilgrim girl. Needless to say, that wasn't true, just a theory even, and he spent the night in the county jail. He's gotten more discreet since then, now preferring to work alone.
He heard about Freddy's soon after and became obsessed. He asked anyone and everyone who would listen about the place. Who owned it? Why did it shut down? After a few months, he started putting some details together. Five children missing so close to the place shutting down, their bodies never found? He could smell a theory brewing.
He's the reason William had to start frequently hiring security guards. Vanessa was usually enough to ensure his prized possession didn't get vandalized or broken into. Well... Until Ness got involved. At first, the gate wasn't even locked. It was just some simple chain. Then he learned how to lockpick. Once the padlock was put in place he "borrowed" the note with instructions from a late security guard.
He always wanted to snag something from the pizzeria. He brought his camera he bought through saving tips and snapped photos of literally everything. He once left with a shard of glass from a pinball machine, but he then got weird feelings about the animatronics. He took notes. After a few months he had several notebooks full of his scribbles, photos, and bits of rubble or memorabilia. His little pencil topper he actually stole from the prize counter inside the pizzeria and is his favorite find.
It got a lot more difficult once Mike got involved. Mike caught him the first night, interrogated him, and threw him out. It didn't deter Ness, and in fact it relit the spark that had started to fizzle out. He grew more determined to get to the bottom of the mystery. He started a blog, documenting his theories and thoughts online. It didn't gain much steam, but he had a few fans from around the country.
Boy was it awkward when Mike came into the diner the first time. Ness hid, for the first time ever, in the back. It worried his coworkers because he wasn't one to avoid meeting someone new. Quite the opposite. Ness did peek, once, only to be met by Mike's ragged, sleep-deprived glare.
They didn't talk the first few times, but Abby was fascinated by Ness. Her "friends" were too, telling her that they recognized the waiter. She demanded and begged Mike to take her to the run down diner again and again, and eventually he obliged.
Eventually, the two warmed up to each other.
Ness went with Mike during the Climax of the film. Vanessa still makes an appearance and gets stabbed, but she's more a background character. Ness, Mike, and Abby get out of the crumbling building by the skin of their noses.
Mike and Abby become regulars, even having "their" table. Ness knows their order by heart, and always has something new to share with Abby.
And then securitywaiter :3
My AO3 | Masterlist
#sorry the ending is a little rushed#im disabled sick and went to the doctor today#im a little drained#but i love this and finally have my ideas written down somewhat#working on ness and mike having a kid lol#divider/banner is by @cafekitsune#fnaf movie#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#securitywaiter#mike schmidt#dreamtheory#ness the waiter#mike x ness#ness the waiter fnaf#ness headcanon#fanon#ness fanon
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