#I didn’t participate and have been so insanely busy with human interaction this past week

[bitchslapblastoids]

utterly overwhelmed blown away by the works created for the @phandomgiftexchange man what an absolute privilege to be part of a fandom with so many extraordinarily creative people who are so generous with their creativity. beautiful project & beautiful people

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 2

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

 Penny Parker worked, on average, 108 hours a week between three jobs to make ends meet for herself and Peter. His high school, a stupidly expensive private science academy, sucked the majority of her income up each month despite a scholarship. Rent was $1,200 a month, not including utilities. Peter ate like a quintessential teenage boy, which meant a pound of cereal every morning before school and the equivalent in the evenings when he got home from his clubs.

She didn’t sleep much and only had one rotating day off each week. After learning of Peter’s situation with Tony Stark, she slept even less and spent her days off doing any and all research she could into the man and her options for getting Peter away from him. By the time a month had passed since the revelation that her baby brother was being stalked by a super powerful, criminal mastermind pedophile piece of shit, Penny was a wreck of a human being. Even Peter, who was understandably wrapped up in his own head most of the month, had noticed the bags under his sister’s eyes and the harried look she carried about her at all times.

They joked that Penny had taken every bit of chaos from her parents combined genes, somehow managing to leave behind every ounce of intelligence for Peter. She was a walking, talking disaster on the best of days. He’d seen her stick a fork in a toaster, try to mix bleach and vinegar, hell one time she’d come home from work with a sprained wrist because she’d fallen off a ladder stocking some shelves despite the fact someone had been actively holding the ladder to spot her. But this was an entirely new level of disarray from his sister.

Peter could tell that she wasn’t coming up with any solutions that she was happy with. Despite their inside jokes, Penny had a weird sort of intuitive intelligence. She couldn’t do basic math in her head and forget anything to do with science, hell basic reading comprehension could be a trial at times.

What she knew was that Tony Stark had every police department in New York on his payroll, despite the act they put on that “they were doing everything in their power” to gather evidence on the 87 open investigations into him and his company. She knew that he had several politicians under the same thumb, not because it was public knowledge, but because somehow every bill that was put to vote that could be useful to Tony Stark passed into law (or however that sort of thing worked—Penny didn’t understand bills and laws and the senate or whatever, but who really did?).

She knew that the surrounding states were similarly within his range of power. That his companies’ holdings in California meant he had too much control there too. He had holdings in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico as well. It wasn’t public knowledge, but Penny could read between the lines when things seemed too good to be true. Or, too good to be true for one Tony Stark. Everything aligned in a way that was so suspicious, she couldn’t figure out why the FBI or CIA or NSA weren’t on to him too.

In the end, all it meant was that nothing Penny did would really matter in the long run. Tony Stark was infinitely powerful in a multitude of states, rich and influential in a way that one person shouldn’t ever have the ability to be. And Penny Parker had $3,000 to her name and a shitty apartment and an even shittier car. Compared to Tony Stark, she wasn’t even good enough to be dirt.

It meant that she had to be more creative. Penny wasn’t smart, but thinking outside of the usually accepted parameters was kind of her specialty. There was no good way to get Peter away from Tony’s sphere of influence, but there were some ways. Maybe just a single way. A very unpleasant, single way that would rip her heart to shreds. But Penny had decided as a 13 year old that she would do everything she could to keep Peter safe and happy and fuck if she was willing to stop now.

***

“Are you still stalking the webcam feed?” Tony wondered if it was possible to push anymore exasperation into his voice as he walked into the main living room only to find Clint once again watching Peter’s empty apartment on the massive TV.

“Something might happen,” it was the same defense the assassin always used when caught in the act, but Tony knew that the blond actually just wanted to catch a glimpse of Penelope Parker.

In all fairness, even Tony could admit that the young woman was rather beautiful. Where Peter’s skin was milky white and freckled, Penelope had a tan that betrayed her father’s Israeli heritage. She was shorter than Peter, held more weight than her lanky but growing brother. Her hair was long and held a natural wave, the same colour as Peter’s. They had the same eye colour as well, but Penelope’s were more narrow and slanted. It wasn’t Tony’s cup of tea, but he could objectively understand the appeal.

In all honestly, Penelope Parker wasn’t his cup of tea as a person. Every time her name popped into his head, he felt a seething rage begin to build in his chest. Penelope fucking Parker, responsible enough to be deemed guardian of the most precious boy in New York but not responsible enough to actually take care of him.

Back when he thought Peter lived alone off his meager inheritance, the living situation had bothered Tony but not enraged him. After all, sure a teenage boy would be fine living in a shit hole if it fit his budget. But no, his sister was the one who made him live in that rat’s nest. His sister, who worked so often it left poor Peter neglected and alone, was the reason he had to walk through dangerous streets to get home at night. His sister.

His fucking sister.

No wonder Peter hadn’t told him he had a sister. She was probably a fucking monster, as selfish and miserable as the goddamn evil stepsister from Cinderella.

He’d caught enough glimpses of Penelope Goddamn Parker in the last month to last him a life time. She and Peter hardly interacted where the webcam could pick up, although sometimes they caught snippets of audio. Mostly, they witnessed just how addicted to the internet she was. She spent more time on her fucking laptop than she did talking to her own brother.

It drove Tony insane, knowing that the longer he left Peter in her care, the more neglected he would be. His baby boy was trapped in an apartment with an uncaring bitch who spent 90% of her time working and the other 10% ignoring him for whatever bullshit Instagram, Facebook nonsense she was so obsessed with. Tony didn’t even bother keeping a record of her internet history, after the first two days of monitoring had revealed she spent the entire time on Youtube.

“Yeah? And has anything happened in the last, oh, 6 hours since she left for work?”

“No but she should be getting home soon—” Clint winced, having walked directly into the trap Tony set like a dumbass.

“Stop watching the bitch on my TV, all you do is stare down her fucking shirt anyway.”

“The bitch would make a pretty decent lay if you’d give a guy a break.”

Tony Stark did not roll his eyes. Tony Stark was a genius, ran a weapons engineering empire, had the most important politicians in the United States in his back pocket. Tony Stark did not roll his eyes.

So Tony Stark Did Not Roll His Eyes at the blond parked out on his couch with a bowl of popcorn and a beer. No doubt there was a cheap ass pizza on it’s way up the elevator, despite the fact Tony employed some of the best chefs in New York for his private kitchen. Clint Barton was the worst sort of best friend Tony had, but he’d still kill for the dumbass.

“What has Penelope Goddamn Motherfucking Parker done now?” Sam Wilson questioned absently as he walked into the living room from the kitchen, quoting Tony’s general tone of voice when talking about the woman.

“She hasn’t even taken her shirt off where I can see it, can you believe that? Fucking ridiculous. With a rack like that she should be shaking her tits on camera for money daily,” Clint whined in response, gesturing to the empty room on the TV, “I swear she sleeps on that fucking couch almost every night and not once has she undressed in front of the computer.”

“You’re a freak, my dude,” Sam smacked the blond upside the head as he walked past towards the elevator, “Time table still on track, Stark?”

“Steady as she goes,” Tony replied, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, “Where are you going? Movie night starts in 20 minutes?”

Movie night was almost the most ridiculous thing Tony participated in on any given day. His inner circle was made up of the only people in the world he trusted, was made of up assassins and ex-military super soldiers and all sorts of genetically altered freaks, and somehow movie night had become a staple of their existence. To miss a movie night without a doctor’s note or a mission was a crime punishable by near exile in the form of a group silent treatment. Pepper, Happy and Pietro were currently exempt, away on a business trip as executive, body guard, and assistant.

“Just going to change,” Wilson gestured to his workout clothes and shrugged, “need to shower.”

“Now if only we could make you realize that needs to happen more than once a month,” Clint muttered quietly, only to have a dirty shoe nail him in the face a moment later.

The blond fell off the couch with a shout, popcorn flying everywhere as the bowl escaped his grip. Sam, who’s aim was almost as impeccable as Clint’s own, gave the man the finger as the elevator doors closed dramatically.

“You are a disaster of a human being,” Tony commented absently, still watching his phone as the little dot that was his baby boy moved through the city.

He ignored Clint’s protests, flopping onto the couch and making himself comfortable while the rest of the tower’s residents slowly ambled into the communal living room. Bucky and Steve were parked out on the recliner, disgustingly cute and cuddly even from a distance. They, like Clint, had a stupid fascination with fucking Penelope and were watching the webcam feed while they waited for everyone to arrive.

Natasha and Wanda wandered in while chatting, each already having a drink in their hand. Thor, Loki and Bruce all came out of the elevator at the same time, Bruce having come from the labs and the two brothers from the coffee shop on the ground floor of the tower. Sam and Rhodey entered at the same time from the stairwell, both having freshly showered after a long day.

“What are we watching tonight?”

The following argument generally lasted a solid 20 minutes, but Wanda and Natasha won out with a comedy horror they’d all already seen before. It left plenty of room for conversation while the movie played in the background, a deck of cards finding their way onto the coffee table as well.

“So what’s the plan for your boy’s sister, Tones?” Rhodey questioned as Sam dealt cards for their third game of poker of the night.

“I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic to get away from the bitch,” the man grumbled in response as he adjusted his hand, “He’d probably walk right out the front door and leave her in the dust if I asked. I figure I’ll give her an ultimatum: Peter comes with me and she shuts the fuck up, or Peter comes with me and she finds herself in a shallow grave.”

“I think I could draw her tits from memory from how often she’s on her computer and ignoring her brother,” Clint stated, because despite the fact he thought Penelope god awful Parker was hot as all Hell, he knew how much it hurt to have the person who was supposed to care for you most ignore you completely.

Rhodey hummed in agreement, “Maybe we should off her, just in case. I bet she gets some sort of welfare from the state for him and she shouldn’t get to keep raking that in.”

“She shouldn’t get it even while she’s got him,” Natasha stated from over her wine, spread out and lounging on the loveseat closest to the couch, “probably uses it for drugs. It definitely isn’t used for groceries to feed to the poor kid, he looks half starved.”

“Nah, that’s just teenage boy syndrome,” Bucky added a couple of bills to the pot on the coffee table, “Not that I think she’s winning any care taker of the year awards, but I’ve seen that him eat while doing surveillance. Kid could take down a whole ass McDonalds by himself if given the chance.”

“He’s been putting on some weight actually,” Tony felt the corners of his lips tip up in a small smirk, “Muscle mass, one of his friends started dragging him to lift weights on Thursdays.”

“Careful Stark, you get too excited by the thought and you’re gonna pop off in your jeans,” a round of snorts sounded at Rhodey’s words and Tony Stark, Who Did Not Roll His Eyes, gave his friend the finger.

“I say we just go ahead and kill her,” Bruce was focused more on his laptop and the reports there in than the movie, but made sure he always paid attention to the conversation during movie nights, “she’s a liability. It might help Peter adjust too, knowing that she’s gone.”

“And that he has nothing left and nothing to go back to,” Clint added, not mean spiritedly but pointedly and with an exaggerated head tilt.

“He won’t have anything left or anything to go back to,” it was pragmatic and a bit cold, but Steve never pulled his punches, “its best to cut all ties. The more he relies on Tony, the faster he’ll adapt to his new situation. Maybe its manipulative, but this is a weird situation and we might have to get our hands dirty to get him to a good place, mentally and physically.”

“By weird you mean kidnapping a kid?”

“For his own good!”

“Its only kidnapping until he turns eighteen, right?”

“I don’t think that’s how the concept of kidnapping works, Clint.”

“Excuse me, sir,” JARVIS suddenly interrupted, turning on the lights and turning off the movie, “I believe it is important that you watch the webcam footage I’ve been monitoring. The recording begins as of five minutes ago and is still ongoing.”

“Pull it up, J,” Tony ordered quickly, sitting forward on the couch.

Everyone in the room watched in confusion as the TV began to roll on Peter and stupid fucking Penelope sitting in front of the laptop, most likely at the kitchen table. Peter was slightly off to the side, the computer centered more on his sister.

“Penny, please just tell me what you’ve decided on? I’ve been watching you lose your mind for weeks, I know you came up with something last night.”

“You’re… not going to like it Peter,” fucking Penelope’s voice was soft, the laptop microphone too shitty to pick up the quiet cadence well, “If you can think of something better, we’ll go with that. But… I don’t think there’s another choice. I’ve gone through everything I can think of. Try to let me get through this without yelling at me, okay?”

They’d never really seen Peter and fucking Penelope interact before. Most of the time it was just her, on the laptop, all the fucking time. Peter came and went in the background, to and from school and clubs and his friend’s houses, but most of the time she closed the laptop when he was around. They were all a bit surprised by how much affection was in her expression as she looked at her brother. Peter nodded at her, lips already pursed in frustration.

“I’ve been doing as much research as I can on Tony Stark. He’s… God, he’s got more influence than the fucking president. There are entire states in his pocket, Pete. Can you believe that? From what I can figure out, he’s got just about every New York senator on his payroll and don’t even get me started on the police—”

“How’d she figure that out?” Rhodey’s frown was a mixture of concern and irritation, “There’s never been any sort of reporting on your dealings with politicians.”

“I don’t know.”

“The good news is, I don’t think he has any business in Oregon. I’ve looked through as much of the gossip as I can, he’s never spent any significant amount of time there and if I’ve been understanding the weird ass insinuations correctly, his businesses don’t operate in the area.”

“Oregon? Are we gonna go there?” Peter reached out and grabbed his sister’s hands, “I promise, I’m not upset over us having to move Penny, I—”

“Peter, I’m… I’m not moving babe, you are.”

The teenager seemed to draw back slightly, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth dropping open as he searched for words but was unable to come up with any.

“I don’t think you remember them, the last time we saw them was before mom and dad died, but we have second cousins in Oregon, Paul and Olivia. They’re about ten years older than me, with one kid. When I got custody of you, I contacted them. I wanted to make sure that if something happened to me, I had a sure thing lined up for you. It was years ago, but they promised they’d take you in a heartbeat if I couldn’t care for you anymore, for any reason.”

“You… you wanted to give me to them?” Peter’s eyes were full of tears and they watched as Penelope reacted in horror.

“Peter, no! Never! I would never willingly let you go. I was worried, everyone around us was dropping like flies in freak accidents and I couldn’t let you go into foster care if I died. I just wanted to make sure you would have someone if something happened to me.”

“You thought you were gonna die?”

“My birth father died, and then mom and dad died, then uncle Ben, then aunt May. I didn’t want to leave you alone with no one. I didn’t think I was gonna die, I just… wanted to be prepared. Just in case.”

“Why are you bringing them up? And Oregon? What do you mean that I’m moving? Alone?”

Penelope What the Fuck is Happening Parker’s lips pursed, eyes filling with tears. There was a level of sheer pain on her face that was startling for them all to see, especially considering they’d managed to work her up as an unfeeling monster in their heads for fucking weeks now.

“I’ve tried a thousand ways for us both to go, but I just… I don’t have the money saved for us to move. We’d have to break the lease and even if we left with the clothes on our backs, we wouldn’t be able to afford getting to Oregon. The car won’t make it, I can’t afford plane tickets. I wouldn’t be able to afford to get to Oregon. But I’ve figured out a way to get you there.”

“How Penny?” Peter’s was obviously trying to sound stern, but his voice cracked slightly.

“Not tomorrow, but the day after, we’re going to put in an anonymous call to Child Protective Services and claim that I’m abusing you. Neglecting you. They’ll take you out of my custody and send you to Olivia and Paul, since they’re our ‘closest’ living relatives.” Penelope Oh Fuck Parker’s voice was cracking too, tears running down her face as she explained her batshit crazy plan to her baby brother, who they were quickly realizing was far from neglected or abused.

Tony felt his chest tightening at the sight of the siblings, both with tears streaming down their cheeks. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get it so incredibly wrong. Maybe he’d seen what he wanted to see, that his baby boy was easy pickings. That no one really cared for him so it would be easy to sweep him off his feet and spirit him away.

“You’ve never abused me! You’ve never neglected me! How could you even say that, Penny!? Everything you’ve ever done—”

“Peter please, listen,” Penny was nearly sobbing, grasping Peter’s hands tightly with her entire body angled downwards over them, “We have to pretend, okay? We have to pretend because they’ll send you somewhere safe.”

“You’ll go to jail!”

“That’s fine! That’s okay, Peter! As long as you’re safe, I don’t care—”

“You can’t ask me to do this, you can’t ask me to send you to jail, to send you away when you haven’t done anything wrong, ever! I wouldn’t even be able to visit you! I’d be a million miles away and you’d be rotting away in jail because I was too stupid to mind my own business!”

“Peter none of this is your fault,” the tone was so stern and determined as Penny sat straighter in her chair, squeezing her brother’s hands reassuringly even as her chest heaved with grief, “it’s that fucking pedophile, piece of shit Tony Goddamn Stark’s fault, don’t you ever think that you are at all to blame for any of this—”

“I probably deserve at least half of that rage,” Tony stated absently, almost guilty at the word ‘pedophile’.

“Half? Hah!” It was an absent response, more instinct than intention but got the point across even as the entire group was absorbed by the pain playing out on the TV.

“I went to that stupid tower!” Peter wailed suddenly, making Penny go stiff, “After you got that note telling you not to report the assault, I went to the tower because I knew he worked there and I wanted him to suffer. You wouldn’t go to the police because they threatened your family but I thought… It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was stupid and I went to fucking Stark Tower and that’s where he saw me. It’s all my fault.” Peter’s sobbing was viscerally painful to hear, even through the shitty microphone.

“What assault? A note? JARVIS, figure out what he’s talking about!” Tony barked, already on his feet and pulling out his phone, “Give me the surveillance footage from that day, who was my boy here looking for?!”

“As the conversation is roughly five minutes delayed, I took the liberty of deciphering Mr. Parker’s statements already, sir,” the AI stated calmly, “six months ago, Mr. Brock Rumlow of level six security sexually assaulted Ms. Penelope Parker in a club in Queens. In order to prevent any bad press upon the company, a persuasive letter was sent from the Tower’s security to Ms. Parker to ensure her silence on the matter. I assume the day you came across Mr. Parker was the day he arrived to confront Mr. Rumlow over the assault and threat.”

“Find him,” Tony snarled towards Rhodey, who was already on his feet and typing away at his phone, heading towards the elevator, “Alive, Rhodey!”

“I’ll see what I can manage,” the man muttered darkly as the doors shut and he began descending towards level six, leaving the rest of them in the living room.

“He… he saw you… there? Oh, god… Oh god he saw you because you went to the tower, oh my God you went there because of me and he saw you— Oh my God!” Penny’s reaction was so emotionally brutal that it verged on physically violent. Her entire body seemed to lock up for a solid thirty seconds before she threw herself out of the chair and they could hear retching in the background a moment later. Peter was still sitting on the far side of the screen, sobbing into his hands.

Almost five minutes later, Penny ambled back into view. Her face was so pale compared to her usually tan complexion that she looked like a ghost. A fine tremble ran through her entire body, goosebumps visible on her exposed arms.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter’s voice broke through his sobs, bone achingly sad, “I’m so sorry I did this to us.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, bud,” Penny’s eyes were almost blank, the pain so overwhelming that she couldn’t force any other expression, “I set all of this in motion. I made a mistake and I’m so sorry you’re having to pay for it. I should’ve protected you better, you never should’ve even known what happened, let alone who— it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Everything is going to be okay Peter. We have a plan and everything is going to be alright.”

“You’re going to go to jail, Penny! For a horrible crime that you’d never, ever commit! Because I was stupid and immature and—”

“Stop Peter,” Tony’s eyes watered as Penny gently ran her fingers through Peter’s hair and left it to rest on his cheek, “don’t blame yourself for this. No matter what you did, no matter what choices you made, you didn’t deserve to be frightened and stalked. What’s happening is happening because there’s a man out there with a sick mind, who thinks he can take whatever and whoever he wants for whatever he wants. That’s not on you, babe. That’s on him. And everyone who built him up and let him get to this point.”

She let Peter cry for several minutes and the group in the living room found themselves left to digest the situation to the sound of his sobs. Discomfort ran through all of them, for different reasons. Because they’d judged Penelope Too Good for This World Parker so wrong. Because they were the ones enabling Tony to do something terrible. Because they didn’t actually feel guilty for enabling Tony but they did feel guilty for the pain it was causing the Parker siblings.

“You’ll take such good care of him, Tony,” Natasha said quietly after a moment, seeing the pain in the man’s face, “He’s never going to want for anything ever again. He’s going to live in comfort and luxury for the rest of his life and that’s because of you.”

“He’s scared right now, Tones,” Clint jumped in quickly when it looked like Tony might protest, “They both are and we can’t blame them for that. But once they’re—he’s here, he’ll realize that it’s not a bad thing and that he has nothing to be afraid of. That we’re going to take care of them—him, all of us.”

Mind running at a million times per hour, Tony considered their words. Actually, he considered Clint’s words. Clint’s misspoken statements that implied both Parker siblings would be in the tower. Both of them would be safe and cared for. Both.

“They’ll never want for anything ever again,” Tony repeated quietly, all eyes in the room locked carefully on him, “Peter and Penny shouldn’t be separated.”

“You’ve given up everything for me, Penny,” Peter whispered after his cries calmed, “You dropped out of high school, dropped out of college, started working three jobs so I could go to that stupid school, you don’t sleep, you hardly eat, and I know it’s all for me. I can’t let you give up your freedom, I can’t let you give up anything else for me.”

“Oh my God no wonder she’s so skinny,” Wanda suddenly gasped, tears pouring down her cheeks in continuous rivers, “we thought Peter was skinny, but look at her, look at her collar bones! JARVIS, give me a record of all credit and debit card transactions she’s made in the last month and—” The redhead cut herself off when Penny began speaking again.

“All I want is for you to be happy Peter,” Penny whispered, the blank look in her eyes fading into grief again, “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. You’re everything to me, you’re my baby brother. I’ll do anything to keep you safe, bud, anything.”

“I won’t do it, Penny, I won’t—”

“Yes, you will, Peter,” resolve hardened Penny’s voice and she squeezed her brother’s hands, “You’re going to do as I say. Tomorrow you’re going to go to school and I’m going to call out of work. I’m going to throw most of your clothes away, all of the food in the house. I’m going to switch my stuff for yours, so it looks like I make you sleep on the couch while I take the bedroom.”

“Oh God she does sleep on the couch every night,” Professional Perfect Person Penelope Parker Stalker Clint Barton gasped in horror as he recalled his earlier comment on her sleeping habits and her undressing habits oh no.

“I’m going to trash the place as authentically as I can and I’m… God I’m going to destroy some of your stuff, Pete,” Penny looked pained at the thought, scraping a hand down her face, “But I’m going to transfer all of my savings into your name, so you’ll only be without your stuff for a little while. You can rebuy everything you need once this is over.”

“I can’t take your money, Pen—”

“Hush Peter. I don’t have much saved up, but I’ll put it under your name tomorrow. Now, when I turn 25 in a few months I’ll be able to use my portion of the money mom and dad left us. I’m going to transfer that to you as soon as I can, it should be enough for you to live off of once you turn 18 as long as you use it wisely.”

“Penny, please, you can’t expect—”

“I expect you to do as I say, Peter!” She cut him off with all the flare of a bossy big sister, “I want you to apply to universities outside of the United States. Focus on places like Norway, Australia and New Zealand. Avoid Mexico, Canada and the UK because I think he has business dealings in those countries and I don’t know how long he’ll be willing to search for you, so don’t risk it.”

“How does she know about our business in those places?” Tony threw his hands up in confusion.

“Sir, from what I can gather from Ms. Parker’s search history, she has done her best to track yours and your staff’s movements around the world for the last five or so years by means of social media and gossip blogs—”

“Well holy fuck, who would’ve thought to do that?” Sam’s eyebrows were raised nearly to his hairline, “that’s ridiculous, no wonder she was on the laptop constantly.”

“Once you turn 25 you’ll come into your inheritance too. By that time I’ll probably be out of jail but… Peter I want you to leave me alone, okay? We don’t know… we don’t know if Stark will let this go, if he loses you. He might use my location and contacts to find you and I can’t let that happen.”

“You want me to just cut you out of my life forever? Like you’re some horrible monster I never want to see again? I can’t—”

“We don’t have a choice bud,” Penny was quiet, soothing as she ran her fingers over his wrists and hands, “Tony Stark is a dangerous man and he has more connections and money than we could ever hope to fight. The police won’t help us, the law won��t help us. All we have is this plan and I need you to follow it. I need to be able to trust that you’ll follow the plan, so that you’ll be safe.”

“What about you, Penny!? You won’t be safe! You’re always so worried about, about me being safe and happy that you forget about yourself! Do you understand that you’re telling me you want to go to jail? That you want me to abandon you forever?”

Penny seemed to waiver for just a second, as if she might actually let some tiny ounce of selfishness set in and change her mind, before her resolve hardened once again and she stood, putting herself nearly out of frame, “This is happening, Peter. This is the plan. This is what we’re doing. Because I won’t let him hurt you. I will literally do anything to keep you safe Peter, this doesn’t even make a wave in the pool of batshit crazy I’m willing to go if I need to. I love you. Now go to bed, you have school in the morning.”

[happy-skittle]

Kansas Collection - Ch. 5: “The Vow” - Recap & Reflections

8/23/2018

Last Thursday, I was able to attend an immersive experience long-awaited!! Read on for a substantial but hopefully entertaining recap!

We bought our tickets shortly after they were released, but I hadn’t realized that many others going through this experience also have hearts of gold. heh. Red-Patchwork Resistance was already sold out!! :O Since we then decided to make the most of a group of four attending, we all picked a different color-faction. My sister chose Black-Ozma because she had met Phoebe’s secret (dark) side in the first chapter, one friend chose Blue-Revolt because that was expected to be quite action-packed, friend’s girlfriend went with White-Newbies because she was new to the series, and I assessed my choices only to end up with Green-Scarecrow King’s Armed Militia! It was time to switch sides!

To prepare for the evening, I carefully reviewed the secrets and code-phrases that I had been entrusted with by the Patchwork Resistance because while I was convinced that I would appear as an upstanding citizen dressed properly and appropriately in green, I would secretly support the good fight because my heart was in the right place. Green on the outside but juicy and red on the inside. An Ozian watermelon.

Spoilerific Recap:

Once the event began, we found ourselves milling about the courtyard with a myriad of options before us. Those overtly supporting the King were reminded to check in with Jo Files and sign the guest book. While there may have been hidden insight in the guest book or some “correct” conversation with Jo, what I took away from the exchange was only to stay close because a special breakaway interaction would soon happen for a select few. Meanwhile, my sister joined many others getting her money’s worth at the bar and the table of ‘light refreshments’. Other guests took photos with a doll-like and docile Dorothea Gale accompanied by a smiling Special Officer Phil Daring. Phoebe Daring (soon to be Her Royal Highness) could be found flitting about receiving congratulations and giving crazy (Ozma) eyes to her followers to assure them of her continued presence. Jack Pumpkinhead and Tik Tok provided some color to the socializing in their interactions that changed dynamically in response to the varying hues worn by guests. The Lion was her usual shady self and only those who participated in her dealings can speak to them. Rounding out the cast of characters was a drunken Wizard (Mr. Diggs) and several other characters that were not extraneous but never quite made an appearance in my story.

We were finally called to audience with the Scarecrow King, who thanked us for our loyal service and proceeded to wax poetic and philosophical about his impending wedding. He questioned why we had chosen to follow him and received responses ranging from those that followed his cult of personality to those of us who wanted to do the “right and proper thing”. He told us of his past (10,000 ft flyover but suffice it say that the person in front of us presented more and more as a flawed and tragic human being rather than a ruthless dictator gone mad) and how he came to be king though unwillingly at first but now determined to put his loved one’s (loved ones’!!!) safety and security above all else. He asked us to join in a toast and to continue to serve him-that we should take seriously the duty to guard him and those around him as best as we could. (Foreshadowing but I was too busy thinking “Yes, sir! I will do my best to protect yoouu!”) I found myself committed to being a royalist loyalist dedicated to preserving the status quo in the best interest of society. *smug smile*

He ended with a strained but hopeful smile and asked us to rejoin the others. Shortly after, the main event began!

We were ushered into the chapel and seated according to our alignments. As if noticing that something was amiss with our placements, Jack re-seated me in a strange spot right behind the Wizard but farthest away from the center aisle and my green companions. At Phoebe’s request (command), the Wizard grudgingly performed the heraldic duties of announcing the wedding party and Lyman took his place at the pulpit to begin the ceremony. When there continued to be strange whispers and worried glances from several others (Phil: *alarmed and anxious face ON*), I looked behind me in the chapel and noticed the Tin Man (+Axe!) lurking and glowering. I alternated between watching the unfolding nuptials and glaring anxiously at the Tin Man/Nick Chopper, who was like those cats that sneakily creep closer each time you turn around. As he reached peak nearness, I heard loud bangs and “GET DOWN!” I obeyed instantly and ducked down into the pew. The Tin Man extended his hand to me and beckoned that I should follow him. I rushed after him (long legs, that one) and he grasped my hand pulling me towards the mysterious back hallways present in all churches.

He opened a door and rushed in. I followed without thinking. He closed the door and turned around.... I slowly realized whom I was alone with and that we were separated from everyone else. He seemed instantly more menacing and threatening when I became aware of the situation. The Tin Man made sure that I understood cooperation was the only option unless I preferred death. :( We scurried from room to room looking for Dorothy, who I hadn’t realized until then must have disappeared in all the commotion. He explained to me that this was his only objective and that while Phil loved Dorothy, Phil was misguided and mistaken as to Dorothy’s fate as well being fooled by her trance-like state. Throughout revealing himself and his past to me, the Tin Man declared that I was only so much cannon fodder for the Scarecrow and that I was easily replaceable; this was meant to shake my beliefs and was incredibly effective when paired with stories of times long-past when four friends set off on the adventure of their lives to end up now more separated than ever before. When asked if I would choose the same path for myself and make the same choices again, I hesitated but answered truthfully that I didn’t know if I would. The theme of regret weaved in and out of our conversations.

Finally, the Tin Man pointed me to a door and told me to open it. I heard loud proclamations and felt queasy at the thought of what I would find inside. We entered to a room of guests bedecked in black.....and Ozma mid-speech addressing her supporters. *dun dun dun* She made it clear that the Tin Man would have what (who) he wanted after all was said and done. She and her followers left the room, but she made quite clear that the Tin Man was by now an unstable free agent that would serve his limited use and no more.

Alone with me once again, the Tin Man took the opportunity to bring up more sins of the past. I discovered that the Tin Man had once fallen deeply in love only to feel like a beetle crushed under foot when that love was not returned. The Tin Man, now a scorned and desperate man with a penchant for insanity, was out for blood. Counter to my assumption that he searched for Dorothy to spirit her away to safety, he proclaimed that he would find her and kill her for to revenge himself for the wrongdoings she had visited upon him and his broken self. When at last he collected himself, he led me out of the room and pointed me once again towards the chamber where we first exchanged words.

Before leaving me, the Tin Man reminded me once more not to trust anyone. :|

Within the room, I finally rejoined my fellow Greens, where Lyman was preparing us for the ceremony crowning the Queen. Lyman reassured us that this was for the best and that the Scarecrow King wasn’t all that great in hindsight/the big book of prophecies. Wait. What? Wait??!?! The King was dead?!?!?!?!??!?! I was very confused and shaken to realize that the “commotion” earlier had actually resulted in the death of the King. I tried to asked those around me, but I think I came off very strangely because what was meant to be an obvious fact already solidly established was something I was barely beginning to wrap my mind around. Feeling like a house plopped down in a foreign land by a wayward tornado, I accepted that I’d need to jump back in to the narrative quickly or get left behind. =_=; We were asked to pledge our loyalty (again with the loyalty) to Oz itself with the understanding that Phoebe (Ozma tho for reals) was our new and rightful ruler. 

We were made to rehearse and then treated to a very real, striking but horrifying, and commanding Ozma being crowned as the new leader of Oz. When Lyman would relay the traditional oath, Ozma twisted the words and made them her own declaration of immediate and total domination of her new subjects. The King is dead. :( Long live the Queen. :( :(

Lavender Pibt, the one person still grieving the deceased King, gathered us on our way out of the chapel; she promised that we would meet again soon and that we should bend our thoughts towards vengeance for our fallen leader.

Then we were released into the night!

Reflections:

Erm. Even though this was less than a week ago, I will readily admit any mistaken or missing details as my error! Lmk if you have a correction on something that I’ve remembered horribly or remembered not at all!

In hindsight, some major events of the evening were hinted at quite strongly. Either I have been ridiculously way too busy to give it any thought (yes) or I hadn’t quite grasped the story straws in the first four chapters (I did miss Ch. 3 - “The Door”) and had only a dim understanding of the characters and plotlines (also yes)! I was so completely enveloped in this experience that almost everything took me by surprise as it happened. I am still in disbelief that I didn’t realize the Scarecrow King had been assassinated until almost an hour after everyone else was presented clearly with the dramatic scene of his death (I heard there was even straw involved!) In comparison, those under Ozma’s track were treated to her delight at being rid of him and glee that his death occurred after their marriage, which guaranteed her right to rule.

The one-on-one interaction with the Tin Man was one of the more challenging ones I’ve come across. Not only was the actor a huge presence that drew me into the character’s story (actually, I feel like it was closer to not being able to escape the character and his story) but was also fantastic at portraying the character as sensitive and relatable but also hostile and violently defensive when bringing up the past (even if he was the one doing the bringing up). The actor was also so so talented at giving me the opportunity to actually emotionally react and engage (verbally/physically) in a way that made everything feel SO real and like I was an equal driver of the story.

Anywho-IT WAS SO AWESOME-O! If only I had more free time, I would have loved to participate again under a ticket of another color. After the night ended and we were still buzzing with adrenaline and excitement, I did share with others as they shared with me; and I think I now have a firm grasp on some of the other events and revelations that unfolded while I was on my own little adventure. I’m  excited to find out how the story will continue to unfold and whether we will have another calm before the storm or whether going forward it’ll be all storm!

Hope you enjoyed this wall of text recap and come back for more! :D

[bryanllamado]

The Year that Didn’t Happen

Hello there, readers and blog visitors! This is your homeboy, @bryanllamado, trying to make the best out his two-week break from work. I’ve been waiting for this break for a long time now as I have constantly felt like I was on the verge of being burnt out these the past few weeks. I can totally write an entire entry about how unmotivated I was and how much I wanted this time off of Zoom meetings and PowerPoint presentations, but now that I have consumed half of this short break, I’m not even sure if I was able to rest deliberately (or at least, not yet). *sighs*

So yeah, that’s just a brief life update. For today’s entry, I will be looking back at the year that was. I know, this year isn’t a good one per se– it might even be an awful one to some of us– but just like what I said in my previous entry, there is something good in this year and I hope to look at the good things and magnify them in this entry. It’s ironic how this year seemed to be so looong, yet it’s as though we just blinked for a sec and now it’s almost over. With that, allow me to go through the year that didn’t happen.

To start off, I was terrified and excited at the same time going into 2020. I knew from the get go that it would be a challenging year ahead both personally and professionally. 2019 was a year of achievement first and foremost, and there is no way I could outdo my accomplishments during that period– let alone, replicate. Nonetheless, I entered 2020 with high hopes. 2019 ended on such a bittersweet note as December gave way to a ~major~ achievement and a conflict within my inner circle. I didn’t know what the year had to offer, so I entered 2020 with uncertainty as well.

I initially wrote a detailed account of the good things that 2020 brought, but I could bring myself to talk about the advantages, blessings, and benefits without bringing up the down sides, challenges, and negativities that came along. It was such a vague year of many extremes (which I won’t be able to encapsulate perfectly), so I totally scrapped that entry and opted for a more general account. I searched for Questions to Ask Yourself at Year-End and I chose some interesting questions which I think would give me an overarching view of the year that was. Without further ado, let us now proceed to the questions.

·        When I think back on this past year, what am I proud of myself for?

I am proud of myself for, obviously, surviving the year. A lot of things have been delayed, cancelled, and scrapped, but I’m still thriving and continuously fighting. It’s so easy to give it all up and just float without direction. I must say that it’s been more challenging compared to the years prior, and I wouldn’t be here without my family, friends, and community of God-loving people. I was on the verge of sitting the rest of the year out, because I wanted to wait until all of this is over before I attend to my responsibilities. Turns out, there isn’t a perfect time to do so, but NOW.

I’m also proud of myself for seeking God in these trying times. 2019 gave me almost everything I want as a young professional, and it’s so easy to lose sight of the things that actually matter when you have superficial things that give you immediate satisfaction. So with all the comforts and privileges stripped away, I held on to God and I found peace in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. God showed me that I can be happy and contented without material things. If anything, those things are just extras– bonus that add up to your existing joy that comes from living purposefully.

·        What lessons did I learn in 2020?

One lesson I learned in 2020 is that we are not the ones in control. We spend our wholes live trying to plan it out– from building a family, to travelling, accumulating possessions, etc. We think we can lead our lives to a certain direction if we work hard and have enough will. But then came a virus, a microorganism, and it changed everything including our lifestyles, perspectives, and mindsets. Admittedly, I felt powerless during the ECQ. I simply don’t have to power to do anything to change the situation, and it made me trust in the Lord more than ever– that His will prevail.

On the contrary, I also learned that successful people are not the ones who wait, but those who seize the opportunity and make the most out of what they have. Just like what I said earlier, the time is now. If we wait for the perfect time to resume our endeavors and pursuits, we might be waiting for more than a year before it happens. But if we decide to move forward (given the limited resources at this time), then we might be surprised of how much we can accomplish. Taking baby steps is still better than doing nothing and staying still.

·        What surprised me from this past year?

What surprised me from the past year was the fact that things changed drastically in just a short amount of time. Imagine attending a birthday party and the next thing you know, the whole country just went into lockdown. That’s how quick things changed. In just a blink of an eye, your life took a 180 degree turn. Yeah, I know, change is the only constant thing in life, but this isn’t the kind of change that anyone would hope for– even the introvert in me despised this shift. Nonetheless, the quarantine life also brought me good things (which I mentioned in my previous entry).

Another thing that surprised me this year was unexpected work. I’ve been teaching since 2017 (in service and professionally since 2019), and I honestly thought that it would be my only field of endeavor after I finish school. This year paved the way for me to work with brands, manage social media pages, create content, and support small businesses. I hope I can continue this type of work because I really find fulfillment in participating in worthy causes. I also prioritized writing in some ways which led to the resurrection of this blog. I’m slowly going back to my roots and bringing back old hobbies and passion projects. *happy dance*

·        Which difficult challenges did I conquer instead of walking away?

I’ve seen a few tweets saying, “my mental health was tested this year more than ever” and I can’t stress about how accurate this statement is. Truly, being stuck at home isn’t normal or appropriate as humans are social beings. We rely on social interactions to survive, and being stuck just with your family isn’t good for your mental stability. As a result, I resorted to reading, writing, watching series, listening to podcasts, and playing games to keep myself sane in times of insanity. I also dealt with anxiety prior to the lockdown which I was able to address before everything went downhill. *lucky for me*

Of course, this look back wouldn’t be complete without mentioning online classes. I know you’ve read all the rants and complaints from students about how difficult and unbearable online classes are, but has anyone asked how it is from a teacher’s perspective? We are also struggling. This is new for all of us, but our love for teaching goes beyond the difficulties and challenges that we encounter on a daily basis. People don’t know how stressful the preparations are for online classes, but still, teachers pushing through just so we can successfully execute the academic year given the undesirable circumstances. Still, #NoToAcademicFreeze

·        What did I change my mind about?

I changed my mind about a lot of things, and I hope they are reflected in my birthday blog as well as this very entry. It’s fascinating how I feel almost the same all throughout the year, but my peers kept saying that I have indeed changed– hoping it’s for the better. If anything, I think my mindset totally changed in all aspects. I view certain things (such as Christianity, responsibility, happiness, etc.) differently now compared to how I viewed them at the start of the year. I’m also more appreciative of what’s in front of me, instead of looking for what was missing.

I changed my mind about the old normal way of living. I used to think that we’ll always be moving, but this year truly made me pause and rethink my life’s direction in small ways. I won’t say that I have it all figured out as I’m still trying to get a hold of it. I also look at life now from a two-week or a monthly perspective and plan from that point forward. I take care of myself and value my health more. I also take a breather and rest from time to time, and I’m patient with myself more than ever. No rush, no pressure. *winks*

2020 is truly a different year compared to the previous ones. A lot of things didn’t happen, but there are also things that happened. This year may not be the year to have everything we want, but it is truly the time for us to appreciate the things that we have. I choose to look at the good things that the year has brought and bring them with me in the upcoming one. I’m thankful for the lessons, challenges, ad new experiences that I’ve had this year, and I believe that it prepared us for what the upcoming year has in store.

Here’s to hoping for a better year ahead! I hope it will be a year of healing for the world, prosperity for all nations, and triumph for individuals who faced difficulties this year. May all the seeds we planted this year bear fruits that we can harvest in the next one. All of this will be over soon. But for now, I hope you had a wonderful and restful holiday season. This season of giving may not follow our traditional way of celebrating, but the reason to rejoice is still the same. Mask up, sanitize your hands, and keep your distance. Happy Holidays!

Till the next entry!

Bry. x 123020

[jae-bummer]

Always Watching (Vampire!AU)

Request: CAN I REQUEST NUMBER 10 FOR HYUNGWON CAUSE HE HASNT GOTTEN ANY LOVE ❤️❤️❤️ YOURE MY FAVE 😘😘

10) “I’ll never be able to erase that image from my mind.”

Member: Monsta X’s Hyungwon x Y/N x (ft. Kihyun) 

Type: fluff

Hyungwon swung his feet over the side of the building happily, taking in the city scape as the night air sent electricity pumping over his skin. It was a beautiful night by his standards; slightly chilly with a light drizzle peppering the air. He shook out his mildly damp bangs and grinned happily to himself. Yes, this evening’s hunt would be successful. He was sure of it. 

Breathing in deeply, the scent he had associated with everything decidedly you, filled his nostrils. He looked lazily down to the alley below and cocked his brow. 

“Right on schedule,” he chuckled. 

His ears immediately perked up at the sound of your sneakers hitting the pavement. Being blessed with superhuman hearing meant that he knew you were exactly three blocks away from him and approaching. What his gift also told him was that your pace was quicker than usual. 

He furrowed his brows as he leaned over, taking up a crouching position on the rooftop instead of his normally at leisure stance. His lips curled into a snarl as the wind shifted, pushing a smell that was very much not you into his nose. 

“Garbage,” he muttered, shaking his head. 

This would complicate things a bit. 

Granted, you weren’t his target hunt for the evening, no, simply a precursor to the terrible events he had to participate in. For being a vampire, Hyungwon had a surprisingly soft spot for humans. He considered them to be a science experiment of sorts. He didn’t want to kill them anymore than they actually wanted to be killed, so more often than not, he would prey on the weak or those begging to be put out of their misery. 

And he would never dine without permission. He considered anything else to be barbaric and rude. 

So if you weren’t his hunt, why was he waiting for you to walk by? Simple. You were the favorite part of his nightly routine. You brought an odd sense of normalcy to his supernatural existence. Taking the same path home every day, near his favorite hunting ground, you walked the same pace, and almost always listened to the same song on your phone. He felt a sense of peace as you entered your apartment building and locked the door behind you. 

He was fulfilling his small duty to keep mankind safe while simultaneously destroying it. 

Hyungwon groaned to himself as he stood up, his old bones noting no signs of age. He crossed his arms and clucked in annoyance as your steps grew closer, each smacking the pavement quicker than the one before. You were nervous. He could smell your fear. 

Quickly followed by the stink of rotting flesh. 

Vampires could usually hide themselves amongst humans well, but in the presence of other vampires, it was undeniable. They smelled like they had been decaying for years. And many of them had. 

They were left to live the unfair truth with one another. 

Hyungwon closed his eyes as the realization hit him like a truck. 

You were being hunted. 

And it pissed. him. off. 

“Monsters,” he grumbled, taking a short step off of the ledge of the building. He fell like a stone to the passage beneath him, landing effortlessly on his expensive loafers. “Can’t even prey on someone at the end of their life, but they pick someone so full of energy? Savages...”

Hyungwon cracked his knuckles as he walked, his stride a bit quicker than his normal stroll. If he had the capability to sweat, he would have been. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was edgy. 

In a few short moments, he had emerged from the path he was lurking down, and nearly slammed face-first into you. His thoughts pounded louder in his ears than his ability to hear your movements. 

“Watch where you’re going,” you nearly shouted, admittedly getting frightened by the man who emerged from the alley beside you. You shot him a dirty look, only to retract it once you made eye contact with him. He was gorgeous. 

He furrowed his brow as he returned your gaze, his mouth slightly ajar as if he were about to speak, but lost his words. 

You shook your head, looking carefully over your shoulder. Surely, he wasn’t the one you had felt watching you for the past two blocks? 

No, that someone was still following you...and you felt as if they still were, pausing in the nearby shadows. 

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” you asked quietly, biting your lip. You were only a block or so away from your apartment and you had been longing for the safety of a locked door. 

He shook his head blankly, closing and reopening his mouth again. 

You were probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The most raw, human, he had ever seen. He winced as he continued to stare at you, words constantly failing him. 

“Yeah Hyungwonnie, doesn’t she knoooow you?” a sickeningly sweet voice cackled from the shadows. Hyungwon closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, popping his knuckles again. 

“No, but she doesn’t know you either,” Hyungwon growled. “Keep walking, Kihyun.” 

“See, I wish I could,” the voice sighed, dropping back to it’s normal octave. You tried to stifle a gasp as an equally as good looking boy emerged from the shadow of an unlit streetlight. “But I was going to grab some take out. Want to join?” 

“You know my taste is a bit different than yours,” Hyungwon sighed, taking a sidestep to block you from Kihyun’s view. You remained silent as you peered over the lanky man’s shoulder, unsure of what was happening. 

“Right, right,” Kihyun laughed. “You like the cheap takeout. I prefer the...” He leaned over, sizing you up before looking back at Hyungwon. “Five star meal.” 

“I really don’t want to do this with you,” Hyungwon sighed. 

“Then don’t, get back to your perch,” Kihyun hummed. “I’ll handle my business down here.” 

“I can’t let you do that,” Hyungwon grumbled. He crossed his arms and leveled the shorter man with a glare. “Now, I’m asking nicely. Next time I won’t-”

“What, you won’t be so kind?” Kihyun cackled. “Just because you have a little crush-”

“Wait, I’m confused,” you sighed, stepping out from Hyungwon’s nonhuman wall. “Who are you two? And what is this about? I really don’t want to get brought into the middle-”

“Aish, humans are so foolish,” Kihyun whined, stomping around. “So self absorbed, thinking their lives actually mean something.”

Hyungwon scoffed, stepping in front of you again. You were growing weary of his odd attempts at protecting you from the seemingly nonthreatening man. “Like you weren’t one only a few short months ago.” 

Almost as quickly as you had blinked, Kihyun had crossed the short expanse of sidewalk separating himself from you and Hyungwon. He gripped the taller boy by the throat, his face only inches away. Hyungwon’s cold hands reached back shakily, gripping at your coat. You heart beat shook your eardrums as you watched, panic setting deep in your stomach. 

“Don’t worry, doll,” Kihyun hissed. “I’ll be around when you aren’t. A man’s gotta eat sometime.” 

And for as swiftly as Kihyun had appeared, he had disappeared once again, leaving you confused and out of breath. Hyungwon stumbled, no longer in the grasp of his shorter comrade. He leaned against the brick of a nearby building and coughed, rubbing at his throat where Kihyun had originally grasped. 

You stared at him, uncertain of what to say. Your eyes grew wide as you remained cemented in your spot. He pushed himself from the wall and let out a light groan, beginning to pace back and forth on the short expanse of sidewalk. “Wonderful, just great. And now if I really want to keep you alive, I’m going to have to keep an eye on you. Granted I was keeping an eye on you before...but that was only a ten minute walk until I knew you were behind brick and mortar. Now what am I supposed to do? When will I get the chance to hunt? I’ll have to put deadbolts on your door. I guess I could go a few days in between feedings...but then I won’t be strong enough in case that incubus decides to...damnit, why did I pick this spot? Why me?” 

“I...um...I have no idea what is happening,” you said slowly. “So if you could give me like...a two sentence description of who you are...of what you are...I would be most appreciative.” 

Hyungwon looked up at you, his face disbelieving of the words that had interrupted his diatribe. “What...what am I?” 

You nodded briefly, scared to mention anything more. 

Hyungwon shook his head, chuckling bitterly to himself. “Right.”

With another blink, the handsome boy had disappeared, vanishing from your sight as if he never existed at all. You spun in place, repeatedly sending glances over your shoulder. Shaking your head, you took a deep breath, and allowed yourself a few nervous steps forward. 

What the hell had just happened? 

It had been weeks since your initial interaction with the strange Hyungwon, and the even stranger Kihyun, but you still felt as if something was following you. 

Your ten minute walk home from work every evening turned into four minutes as you all but ran across the pavement, only feeling safe once you were hidden behind the locked doors of your apartment. 

You had become much more paranoid in your every day activities as well, insisting that you would catch things out of the corner of your eye, but only confirming there was nothing with a second look. You had grown used to shouting out a nervous “Hello?” in most situations when you should be alone, half expecting for one of the odd boys you had met that night to appear out of thin air just as they had vanished... 

“I’m going insane,” you murmured, after another long shift at the bookstore. You took the steps to the front of your apartment complex by two’s and locked the door behind you almost as soon as you had it unlocked. You set your things down and were greeted by the peaceful silence only the safety of your home could provide. 

But you still felt the unmistakable feeling of someone watching you. 

You continued your motions, heating up a quick dinner, and getting yourself ready for bed. Just as you began to feel some sort of normalcy, you found yourself at your bathroom counter, feeling odd again. You brushed your teeth tentatively, unsure if you should continue something so small, yet so personal as someone watched. 

“Alright,” you spat, slamming the tooth brush into the sink. “I’m feeling a little crazy, so if you’re going to kill me, just do it.” 

You looked down at the sink, gripping the counter top on either side of the running water. “I’m really going crazy...” You whispered. 

“Crazy is relative,” a deep voice rumbled behind you. 

Your eyes flew open as you looked up toward the mirror. Catching your own look of terror, you screeched, and spun around on your heel. Just as your eyes met Hyungwon’s, you began to slip, crashing toward the floor. 

His movements were quick and elegant as he leaped toward you, his cold hands finding a spot beneath your arms to cradle you. He eased you down to the tile, realizing your legs were probably too weak to allow you to stand. He slumped slowly to the floor beside you and landed with a plop. 

“What are you...how did you?” you croaked, your eyes searching his face. 

“So...” Hyungwon trailed, looking anywhere but at you. He took a deep breath before stringing together a long sentence. “So maybe I’m a vampire - but not like with the “bleh, bleh, i vill suck your vlood” trope because that’s tacky and overplayed, but technically yes, I drink blood to survive, but not any blood, usually people who are dying or want to be dead anyhow because really it’s just common courtesy. And I’ve been watching you, not like stalking, but just kind of keeping an eye on you while you walk home because you seem nice and I haven’t seen you ever match plaids with polka dots, and that’s admirable, but really you’re kind of cute, but aish, so I have been keeping an eye on you and I saw Kihyun following you and I knew I had to protect you. He’s a bad guy, where as I suppose I’m the good guy, but he will seriously eat you if you don’t start being more careful, so I had to start like REALLY following you to make sure you’re alright, and that’s why I’m here on your bathroom floor explaining to you that I...Hyungwon...am in fact a vampire.” 

You blinked heavily, uncertain of how to respond. 

Hyungwon rolled his eyes before standing, pulling you up as well. He let out an exasperated sigh before motioning to the mirror. 

Your eyes grew in size as you stared at your reflections. 

Or rather, Hyungwon’s lack of one. 

A pair of pants and a button down were seemingly floating in air as you continued to stare, but still noted Hyungwon in your periferals. You looked back at him, not allowing a filter over your thoughts as you stuttered, “so...so like...what happens when your naked?” 

He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose before he could respond. “I’m not the damn invisible man when my clothes come off, Y/N. Just my reflection. I will still be very, very naked.” 

You chuckled to yourself, feeling your face grow hot with embaressment. You motioned to the mirror, incapable of turning back to it. “You know, I’ll never be able to erase that image from my mind.” 

“To be fair, it’s not much of an image really,” Hyungwon laughed. “More like a lack of one.” 

“Not to be...you know, rude, but um...what happens now?” you asked slowly, cocking your eyebrow. 

Hyungwon crossed his arms, leaning against the counter before you. A tilted smirk found his lips. “Well, I guess a lot of this? If you don’t like me watching you, you’ll have to get used to having me around...unless you want to be, you know, devoured?” 

You looked up at Hyungwon in horror, causing him to chuckle again. 

“You got any O-negative around this place?...Or I mean, cable and a pull-out couch will do.” 

comments: thanks to @novaurora13 for talking this through with me. also sorry this became a vampire au. i went to a halloween store today and things went quickly downhill. 

[todokori-kun]

‘I’d even ship him with Shuu’ what have you done now I’m actually shipping that (Shuu trying to be his usual romantic, flirtatious self and then realising Urie either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it)

I KNOW IT’S SO SAD

TG’s quality does seem to be going down a bit these last few chapters (I think the real problem started with the Touken romance. I swear I’m not being salty about a ship I don’t particularly like being canon, I just feel like the pacing was a bit bad…Touka’s ‘are you a virgin’ came completely out of the blue, plus Touken has hardly interacted in Re before the recent chapters. It’s been YEARS since they’ve seen each other, wouldn’t things have changed? Neither of them are teenagers anymore. Both of them have grown and changed, but Touka chose not to stay near Kaneki and watch his growth, while Kaneki had no way to see how Touka’s experiences gradually changed her. But Ishida decided to suddenly make it canon and then start focusing on the Touka-Kaneki-Mutsuki triangle to the point where it feels like he’s abandoning his other plot threads… kind of like what Isayama’s been doing lately.).

However, I believe that Ishida is completely capable of making things better if he wants to (remember, he still has the Hide trump card- bring Hide back in a believable way that nobody has predicted and also adds to the story, and I imagine most of the fandom will forgive everything that’s gone wrong in Re so far) so I’ll stick around. Plus, I’ve just gotten too attached to all the characters ;-;

Ugh, y'know, even if it wouldn’t fit very well with all the implied Mutsurie, I wish Ishida would just pull a plot twist and make Ken/Urie or Urie/Saiko canon.

I think I kinda hate centipedes now.

1: Yeah, I don’t think that’s Mutsuki’s hand either (like you said, it looked pretty 'fresh’. Plus, I have no idea how Mutsuki would have gotten one of the limbs Torso cut off). The only reason I mentioned it was because of the parallel with Torso showing Mutsuki their own hand with a wedding ring on it…Ishida loves his symbolism so I thought this might actually matter to the plot.

2: I think it was probably either a stranger or an acquaintance, since she seems slightly surprised and not exactly 'happy’ to see this person, but not afraid or displeased either. I’m scared…why would Ishida not show us who it was if it wasn’t something important? If things went well Yoriko’s probaby just gained some knowledge about what’s going on (perhaps she’s been told where Touka is and why she can’t come to the wedding?), but if not…perhaps a villain’s blackmailing her…idk :(

3: I want to believe that too, but I’m not sure yet. If there’s a reason for Yoriko looking so serious then that might be connected with the mystery character who greeted her when she was out shopping.

Thank you, that really means a lot to me <3 What I’m really worried about right now is that I go to a piano 'hagwon’ (a cram school of sorts, I guess?) and this year they’re going to do a small concert. Everyone who goes to the hagwon has to play a song and I have no idea how I’m going to do this ;-; just trying to look a person in the eyes when I’m talking to them scares me, how am I supposed to get on the stage in front of a crowd (a small crowd, since everyone there to see the concert will be the parents/family of the kids participating, but seriously). Things are just a bit complicated XD

Adorable Shuu. I guess that would just make me tease him even more LOL I’d probably ruin all his dramatic moments.

(Now that I think about it, though, Shuu and I have similar interests: music, fashion, art, literature…though I guess he’s a lot more interested in food than I am haha)

Oh, I’m so glad you liked them! I tried my best ;)

I actually like doing matchup things so that may be why they’re acceptable…if I ever get a tumblr account I think I’d like to make a scenario/hc/matchup blog.

As for Storm in Lover, yep, that was from your 'the names are weird’ message XD after I decided to add Love Live into the headcanons I ended up going on YT to listen to a few of the songs. They were all really cool, but it just felt like Storm in Lover would be Urie’s guilty pleasure song (or maybe that’s just because I ended up likng SiL way more than I was prepared for?)

BLOW US ALL AWAY QUEEN LUNA

I’M GLAD MY HUMBLE HEADCANONS COULD HELP

I WILL WRITE MORE

AS MANY AS YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH NEXT WEEK

(Seriously tho

-since your hair is either 'too long and in a ponytail’ or 'really short and in a ponytail’, Urie is secretly very, very disappointed when you’re wearing it short. He likes playing with your hair when you’re too busy watching TV or reading to notice he’s being cute ok

-short or long, whenever Urie gets a hold of your hair, he WILL style it. Don’t you dare say no to the Captain of the Q squad. A simple ponytail? Unacceptable.

-Saiko approves of this relationship

-So would Sasaki, if Sasaki still existed

-Shirazu approves from beyond the grave

-Mutsuki doesn’t care)

Thanks! <33 And yeah, I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it ^^

I find all of those moments very relatable. Golfishes unite! :D

Burr is one of those weirdly shippable characters that almost every fandom seems to have…

And oh, I see! Honestly Tony is still one of my favorite avengers…RDJ really brings him to life. And if you’ve seen Captain America I definitely recommend The Winter Soldier and Civil War (next movies in the series)! So much Bucky angst ;-; Also the Thor movies, because I have a feeling you might like Loki.

Some of the best Loki quotes:

“Well done, you’ve just decaptitated your grandfather!”

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”

“Freedom is life’s great lie.”

“Oh dear, is she dead?”

Btw, do you remember the time I said I’d write a Heathers one-shot on the Yoi blog and never did? I think I’m getting over my writer’s block so maybe I can write that one-shot and submit it here?(And if that’s ok, do you maybe have any suggestions for which character I could use? I was going to write it as a Yuuri/reader but that doesn’t seem to fit so well anymore, so I might go with a TG character…I’d also like to use a character you like, since you’ll probably be the only person reading it ^^;;)

Speaking of Heathers though, when you have the time, is it ok if I try to drag you into that fandom again? Along with Dear Evan(s) Hansen. It’ll hurt you very, very badly but it’ll probably be worth it.

Oh dear, even more rarepairs. And I’m the one who ‘invented’ this one. Well, like I’ve said, as long as Urie is happy, I don’t care about whom he’s with. 

ISHIDA IS A GHOUL, ONLY HE DOESN’T LIVE OFF OF DEAD HUMANS, HE LIVES OFF OF PEOPLE’S SUFFERING!!!

Honestly, you’ve voiced my thoughts perfectly. I can’t help but get irritated at all the changes that have been happening. For me, it started around the time we found out about Mutsuki’s past. I mean, can’t we have one character who had a nice childhood and isn’t insane deep inside? At this point, basically everything is overdoing it for me. Let them have a break. A nice moment. A single day without a centipede or someone dying.  TG is slowly turning into shoujo manga. A sick, twisted shoujo manga, but a romantic one. That is the one thing I didn’t want from it. It was actually nice to have a manga without pointless crushes which play an important role in the plot, for a change. Guess I was wrong.

Dude, I don’t care who he kills, if Ishida brings Hide back, he is automatically forgiven for everything and anything. Well, I would care if he killed characters like, but other than that, he’s free to kill anyone he wants (like Furuta (or maaaaybe Mutsuki, but I’d like it better if they redeemed themselves (though that might be difficult))).

I just… I want the cookie to be happy. And Mutsuki is definitely not making him happy.

Gaaah, so many questions and symbolisms, it’s making my head hurt. Here’s my theory: This is a huge setup for everyone to be happy. Mutsuki will run away to New Zealand or something and restart their life, Kaneki and Touka will get married (tho I don’t quite ship it, whatever, as long as they’re happy), Urie will realise he’s loved Saiko all along and she’ll be there waiting for him. Kanae is actually alive and so is Hide. Kanae and Shuu get married. Hide finds himself a nice girlfriend (or boyfriend, not gonna discriminate), opens a pet shop and is happy.

Everyone is happy. 

Okay, but imagine this au: ghouls don't exist and there's no reason for so much suffering. Kaneki and Touka are two kids who knew each other from school and now run a coffee shop together. The Q squad went ri the same class and Saiko alway loved Urie. He recently realised it. And so on.

Ah, I definitely know how you feel. I went to music school as well, and we had yearly (or half-yearly, depending on how long you’ve played the piano) recitals. My method of calming down was to imagine I was at home, alone and just practicing. There was no one around me, and it didn’t matter if I messed up. I could always start again. Also, the audience was vegetables, as far as my imagination was concerned. It did help.

I know you can do it (๑و•̀ω•́)و You’re a fighter! The great Evans who can always cheer me up when I’m down. If I’m the queen, then you’re the king! All hail king Evans who’ll kick the recital’s butt!

Oh you would ruin all his moments, and it would be the most amazing thing ever. I’d always laugh at it, cause he’d be denied of all his theatrics.

They’re not ‘acceptable’, they’re absolutely perfect. I seriously can’t thank you enough, because they were very nice cheer-up material after a whole morning of cramming my two least favourite subjects. I’m pretty sure you’d do amazing if you got a blog. You do have amazing talent for writing.

Oh my~ Would you mind then if I listed a few more songs, my favourites?

Yozora wa nandemo shitteru no?

Bokutachi wa Hitotsu no Hikari (there’s a bit of talking in this one, it’s hard to find a version that’s not sped up)

Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare

Mijuku dreamer

Guilty Eyes Fever

soldier game

Thrilling・One Way

Ookay, I’m done ^^ I’m telling you, Idol Hell is very subtle. You won’t even realise you’ve been dragged into it huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Aaand there goes my heart, again. I have no words to thank you enough for writing those, since they help me keep my sanity.

however, we know whom we’d like from TG, but what about other fandoms we share? AoT? YoI? Kuroshitsuji?

Yeah, I’ve been told many times that I’d like Loki, but strictly looks-wise, I must admit I prefer his brother, and I prefer him very much. Idk, I just have a thing for guys with slightly longer hair.

All of that sounds suspiciously like something I’d say…

Of course, feel free to submit anything here!  As for the musicals, I’d be happy to listen to them, but after this week is over, because exams. Then, I’ll listen to both Heathers and Dear Evan(s) Hansen, despite the feels ^^

[unmaskingtheglamour]

Releasing and Relearning Responsibility

This past week has had it’s ups and downs with visiting my family in Williamsburg then coming home and getting a 24 hour stomach flu and then some wonderful hikers coming in, seeing a person who was involved in stuff from last year again this week and then an epiphany today.  It was a wavy week for sure.  Being sick does not help how I feel but I had EMDR therapy and it brought me to today.  I had a classes the past two days getting ready for my summer.  I also had my own class I was teaching yesterday evening.  today was long and while I was in my CPR/First Aid training I had a realization abut responsibility and what happened last year...or really what I found out last year. 

So in my session we took on the aspect of Responsibility I have within me.  I take on way too much and feel anxious about it all.  It’s one of the bigger parts of me that takes ovr my life.  It creates anxiety and part of it is because I am afraid that the people around me won’t be happy.  that it is my fault, my job, my responsibility for their happiness.  That because i did not make the ex happy in some way I am to blame.  Except I am not to blame for his bad choices nor am I to blame for the choices others made to do what they did last year.  

There was one person who basically begged for my forgiveness last year.  Someone I didn’t know well but was an acquaintance with through business.  She was involved with the ex long before he broke up with me.  I have a thing about cheating now.  It’s a twisted way to be.  To think that it is ok is just wrong.  Now I understand in some way he probably lied to her and the man she was involved with.  Same with the other couple except they had this planned out with things happening as well long before a break up.  I see this as a need to take away someones Free Will.  My free will to choose whether or not I would want to b involved in something like what they all were doing.  Instead of asking me they just did it and I had no choice in the matter.  No choice in telling him to go - when he knew he should have but wanted to use me more for building his business and my supposed friends business and to use any funds I had.  It was wrong and I found out and I kicked him out.  He’s a liar, a cheater, very sick and a thief. Nothing new apparently from what I heard later of his past.

So come to the point of a revelation today after EMDR Therapy on Tuesday.  I worked on my sense of over responsibility for the people around me.  This came from deep rooted parts of my childhood where I had to be responsible for things that I really should not have had any part of.  It was crazy to believe it was mine and yet that is what happened.  I felt that last year.  I am always the one doing “the work” it feels like.  Like it is always me because I am to blame for not helping someone make it to their happiness.  It’s old stuff I needed to clear.  After seeing this woman for a second time since my classes started a few weeks back, with the first time feeling strong and confident and not caring yesterday, I felt off.  It took a while and I was distracted by the sudden shift in what I was feeling with her right there.  There is no interaction because I really don’t want any of it.  Just to get on with my life.  

I moved my energy this morning as part of my healing practice and will do more tonight.  It helps me get clear and grounded but by the time we were well into the training today something clicked for me.  Over the past year I had been in a state of blame and shame.  I wondered “What did I do to create this?” It was so confusing.  Not mine.  Really.  Yes, I didn’t kick him out sooner and that is one thing BUT I saw something today about this that I hadn’t.  I realized that the weird feeling came from her.  That I am a very sore reminder every time she sees me of what she participated in and the facade of what she has everyone believing is not real and I, most of all, know this and am still here.  How she believed something based on what someone she didn’t really know said.  And based on what he convinced the other couple, that she did know, was happening.  None of them, outside of him, never once asked me anything about this relationship.  Not once.  It was tough for me to see that last year but now I am ok with it.  I had a very tiny human like moment of satisfaction at the realization of what I am to her and probably to the woman I was friends with as well.  My guess is if there is any kind of remorse that came out of any of them it would be with the women.  They both supported something so wrong, so misogynistic from two women who supposedly are feminists, and deep down they know that they helped Team Good Ole Boys that that has to strike deep within them.  At least this person I see the most.  I have not seen the ex friend or her husband really at all.  Just him.  He didn’t see me in that moment I saw him as I ducked in and out of a local shop because he was so engrossed with his phone.  

I received a note from this woman back in October. She was begging for my forgiveness.  Not for me mind you but for her is what really came out of all of that.  I gave that to her and cut off the whole thing because it was unsafe.  She was still connected to the ex so no way would I meet up with her.  Too twisted. She’s been odd with me since but I don’t care.  I realized today after the work I did this week that this is her issue she has to deal with.  He conscious that will bug her when she sees me.  I have some compassion from a distance but she is also an adult.  She made some shitty decisions that woke up the reality of who she is and what she is to me and to the friends who are close to me who know. Other than that it stays right here.  I don’t need to do a thing because it will creep back every time.  She will either find a way to forgive herself and not do it again or get twisted in it all and get worse.  The ex would want that to happen to her because insane people are the best to have sex with.  Well, at least that is what he has said and believes whole heartedly.  It’s sick.  It makes me wonder what he possibly did when he was a nurse in a psych ward. My sister believed back last summer that he probably wanted me to go insane so he could control me.  Problem is I fought to keep my Self intact.  And after all that happened I may not have been at my best or feeling my best but it would never work.  I will dig in.  I will do the work.  I will face anything I need to and tackle it head on.  It’s not easy.  It’s scary but worth it.  What I am doing now is even deeper than where I was last year.  I see things now at points like today and begin to realize that yes it is an old pattern.  It is an old belief and I can work on it to retrieve aspects of myself that went missing in the confusion last year.   I am steadily gaining myself back again.  It has to happen.  I need me back in a better way and maybe parts of me that were lost.  

I can say this, I lucked out really.  I made choices that were healthy even under the circumstances.  I did not choose the things that the people involved chose.  They gave him so much of their power that if he decided to turn on them he could destroy them I am sure.  I know things that they have no clue I know and I can see how they probably fear the repercussions of wanting to break free.  But he has them...really.  It was telling to me and even eye opening when my therapist said “You have really good boundaries!  You didn’t do the things he wanted and said ‘no’ to them for three years.  You may have stayed a little too long but you held your ground.  You really did well because some people would give in to the wishes of their partners to make them happy giving up their happiness.  You didn’t do that.”  I felt almost shocked when she said that because I felt like I didn’t have good boundaries.  But I realized after she explained it to me that I really did and I was soooo grateful I said ‘No’ to so many incriminating things that he tried to manipulate me into doing.  Even subtly because that is how it was.  No straightforward - I like this or that in a relationship...  Side hints, jokes and other ways when arguments came up that happened that he would do.   That made me feel so much stronger!  Even now I can see where I am taking care of myself.  I do wish I kicked him out sooner but it’s ok.  I’ve been learning what I have needed to learn to do even better for myself that before!!

I remember reading this woman saying to him “I will have you forever now...”  Except he has her, under his thumb, forever now and I am free.  Compassion for myself is now unfolding and I am grateful.