#I desperately want to be with and talk to someone but at the same time don't want anything to do with anyone

[blackbirdsblackberries]

I Hate The New Hero!

Pt 5: What?!

Finally getting home from your patrol you sneak through the window of your bedroom and collapse onto your bed. After the call you decided that your patrol was done.

Frankly you're still coming to terms with the fact that Batman and his protogese are the same people who are essentially praying on your civilian self's downfall yet adoring your vigilante persona like it's the greatest thing in the world.

Though, now that you really think about it, it makes sense. Bruce Wayne is the richest man alive, he'd be able to afford to do this, they have the same amount of members as the heroes, same builds and heights, actually... Basically everything matches up.

Not to mention the fact that your senses goes off around both group members!

From outside your small room door you hear your parents arguing again - more like your mother yelling and your dad breaking things and stomping his foot. It was probably your dad's fault again. Don't get you wrong, you love your family! It's just that they're dysfunctional.

Your dad has a massive drinking problem that landed him working as a goon for Black Mask, he's struggled with his temper for years after he got hit a bit too hard in the head by Batman. Pair that with the fact that he's mute and he's a force to be reckoned with.

Your mom is always busy and rarely ever home, when she is she couldn't be bothered to interact with you unless you got into trouble. She grew up rich, often talking about how she went to the same school as Bruce Wayne and how she was a popular cheerleader before her life fell apart. She doesn't talk much on the topic but it's clear she holds distain for your father and, by extension, you.

You sigh to yourself, you need to shower. That means you need to get past them without them bringing you into it. Or you just don't shower for the night and have one tomorrow...

Your mom screams something out about not throwing knives and you decide to just shower tomorrow morning.

You change out of your costume and hide it safely under a loose floorboard, you change into your pajamas and get into bed. Today was a massive mental drain and physical drain.

...

You awake to a knock at the front door. Your parents usually ignore it and make you answer when someone knocks because "you're dispensable" as they say. Looking at the clock on the wall of the kitchen you see it's around 7am.

Groggily making your way to the door you look through the peep hole and see Tim standing awkwardly on the other side with a guy next to him, the guy next to him being so big and tall that you could only see a small part of his chest and arm.

You curse to yourself quietly, this is by far the worst luck you've ever had.

You open the door and look at the two. Now seeing the other guy the thing that stands out is a stripe of white hair on his head. Instantly you know it's Jason Todd.

You aren't an idiot. He's the only one in the family built like how he is - not including Bruce.

"What do you want?" You ask, annoyed. Tim chuckles weakly, as if nervous. "Wayne Enterprises wishes to give your mother her letter of departure." You blink once, then twice. "Huh? Letter of departure? The fuck does that mean?" You mutter, genuinely confused.

Jason scoffs, "it means your dear mother is losing her job, kid." He states uncaring of how blunt he's being. Tim elbows him and hisses something about being more considerate.

You don't listen, all noise becoming white noise. Why is she being fired? She works hard, she dedicates her time, she does her best! Is this because you have beef with Tim? That's not fair!

She's the only stable source of income, without that job you all would be living on the streets. You've heard AND seen so many horror stories about teens living on the streets, it's something you'd pray never happened to you. But now it's entirely probable.

So, in a moment of desperation you grip Tim by his shoulders "Please! You can't fire her! We'll end up homeless! She works all the time, she tries! My mother will improve if you ask, she needs this job. The whole family does!"

Tim seems shocked by this, his posture stiffening. Jason looks on guard, as if assessing whether he should step in, though he doesn't seem fond of the idea. You wouldn't doubt that he was made to accompany Tim as a body guard.

Tim opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again. Clearly he wasn't expecting you to beg for your mother to keep her job.

"Uh... Look, I don't mean any harm by it, it's just that we need to make way for brighter minds..." He stumbles slightly over his words as if making the excuse up on the spot.

You won't back down however. "Tim, please, I desperately need you to realize this. I. Will. Die. On. The. Streets." Probably not true because of your mutation but the fear remains. "Please, I'll do anything for you to not do this! I already promised Bruce to stop talking bad about Aranea!" You please desperately.

Tim glances to Jason who quirks a brow and shrugs. The sound of movement from behind you makes your eyes widen and behind you you see your dad approaching, you were probably too loud.

He glares at you before yanking your hair so you move away from Tim and remove your clutches on him. You hiss in pain at the feeling but bow your head down.

Your dad eyes the two boys before looking to the paper in Tim's hands. He instantly knows what's going on and storms down the hallways of the complex to do who-knows what. That scares you. Your dad is unpredictable.

After some silence Tim speaks up. "Are you okay? Your dad pulled your hair pretty tightly..." You look down, ashamed. You couldn't even bother putting your walls up and defending your pride. Your life is basically falling apart at the seams.

"... I'll do anything for you to not fire my mother..." You mutter meekly, a far cry from how you usually act, something Tim notices immediately. He sighs to himself, he debates the odds. Maybe if he doesn't fire (Reader)'s mother then they can be even. The feud can end, it was pointless on your part to begin with for hating someone so sweet and kind, then hating him who defends the innocent.

"Fine. Your mother can stay, but, it may not be permanent. I suggest she find elsewhere in the mean time." Tim states before walking off. Jason takes a second to stare at your relived form, the slight smile of disbelief and look of relief in your eyes. He then leaves with Tim.

You close the door to the apartment and sink to the floor. That was terrifying. You'll have find a way of telling your mother the news before she goes into work in two hours.

You're officially having the day off from school and patrol today.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

The beauty of accidental marriage proposals

Yuuri very likely didn't intend to propse to Viktor at the airport but his heart knew what it (and he) truly desired and twisted his words into a proposal—or rather something akin to a proposal that resulted in a spontaneous engagement.

Let's unpack this.

Yuuri returns from the Rostelecom Cup with his mind full of things that he wants to tell Viktor. While we don't learn the details, his inner monologue in the previous scene gives us a good idea of the things he's mulling over.

Yuuri has convinced himself that Viktor will abandon him after the Grand Prix Final. Thus, that competition is his final chance to win gold and he's determined to fulfil the promise he made in his speech in ep. 5 and win that medal. But even if doesn't win gold, there is one thing that he feels he needs to do after seeing skaters and skating fans react to Viktor becoming a coach at two consecutive competitions.

Regardless of how much Yuuri has profited from Viktor's support, he is very conscious about the fact that Viktor belongs to the ice. Or at least that is what his anxious brain has convinced him of. In this sense, giving up his own career so that Viktor can resume his own is an act of love and the only possible solution for them to stay together (in Yuuri's brain).

We never learn about the end of Yuuri's contemplation, but the subtext of the next scene implies that breaking up with Viktor is not an option. Or if it was an option, it was off the table once he was back in Viktor's arms.

Since Yuuri has anxiety, it's safe to assume that he has been overthinking his talk with Viktor over and over during the flight, going through all kinds of scenarios based on Viktor's imagined reaction. After hours on the plane, his brain must have been on the verge of exploding, casting poor Yuuri into a state of total overwhelm. If you have anxiety, you can possibly relate.

However, the moment that he spots Viktor, his mind goes blank and instinct takes over as he runs into Viktor's arms and instead of whatever speech he has prepared, he just blurts out the following line:

僕も考えてた。引退まで 僕のこと—　お願いします！ "I've been thinking, too. Please take care of me until I retire!"

The English translation is a bit messed up here. In the original, Yuuri never uses the word coach in that line. "Please take care of me" is Japanese proposal language. The translators probably didn't recognise this nuance and sadly, the nuance is still lost in the Bluray version.

But that's why Viktor recognises the proposal in Yuuri's words.

However, based on the details given and the illogical ways anxious brains work, Yuuri intended to inform Viktor about his retirement plans and to voice his desire to make the most of the little time he thinks they have left. But that's not what his heart wants. And since episode 5 we know what that is:

初めて自分から繋ぎとめたいと思った人、それがヴィクトルです

A more accurate translation of that line is "The first person I want to tie myself to and never let go is Viktor" because 繋ぎとめたい means wanting to tie someone / something to you and never let it go (see this translation error masterpost).

Of course, Yuuri doesn't want his relationship with Viktor to end and no matter if his anxiety his skyrocketing in the face of the GPF looming ahead, that desire has taken root in his heart and brain. However, his anxiety stops him from proposing actually and turns his addition "until I retire" into a gentle prodding to find out whether he and Viktor are on the same page.

And of coruse, they are.

And it's all Yuuri has wished for. He's been anxious the whole time. Until Viktor recognises the proposal and response with a yes in the same fashion that Yuuri has asked.

To wrap all of this up:

Absence nurtures desire and in this case, the time apart has shown Yuuri and Viktor how much they want to be by each other's side. Because he missed Viktor so desperately, Yuuri's heart wins over his anxiety for once and enables him to tell Viktor his deepest desire. By recognising said desire, Viktor is able to accept the proposal and the two boys are now officially engaged. And that's yet another beautiful aspect about this show.

Unfortunately Viktor didn't really catch the part about the retirement, which will result in him thinking that Yuuri wants to break up when Yuuri announces his retirement plans in Barcelona. On the other hand, knowing that Viktor wants to stay by his side forever is a huge relief for Yuuri and allows him to enter the GPF without any emotional baggage.

Bonus: look at that cute tiny smile right between Viktor recognising the proposal and the second hug.

For further readings related to this please check out:

Japanese dating culture in YOI

Unwrapping "Let's end this"

On Yuuri's top-secret love life

If you enjoyed this meta you might like to check out my YOI canon works on AO3 or just support me by reblogging this post.

[tobi-smp]

I don't want to hold anything against this specific person, because I Remember the discourse that lead to this and I know exactly how it could get passed around and warped (either through telephone or someone's own memory shifting with time).

that said, I never liked that discourse specifically Because it was a clear misreading of the text, and what better opportunity do I have to talk about it now.

the context was the bench trio therapy stream. tommy had been beaten to death by dream, sat in limbo for months, and then revived and told Explicitly that dream was planning on escaping prison and tormenting the rest of the server.

the mindset that tommy is in is that he Has to do something, but he's deeply traumatized by what's happened to him. he's Scared to go back to the prison, but he has no choice but to do it for the safety of everyone else in the server.

the "therapy stream" was bench trio Trying to do exposure therapy on tommy to help him work through his trauma in the lead up to attempting to infiltrate the prison. and the entire point is that they Absolutely Were Not actually helping.

what they were Actually doing was triggering tommy by exposing him to things that he was traumatized by, because they didn't actually know how to do exposure therapy and what they were trying to do wasn't healthy in the first place.

so the Context of this conversation is tommy desperately trying to just, Get Rid Of his trauma (something that is absolutely not possible) while entering a worse and worse mindset because he was intentionally triggering himself.

Likewise, the context for Tubbo's half of the conversation is that he Very Intentionally represses his own trauma, both from Himself and from other people. he puts himself in a little box that he buries under the floorboards and asks people to ignore the way the boards creak when they walk on him.

there's a million ways you could cut Why he does this. part it is his people pleasing, willingly pushing himself down for the sake of everyone else no matter how painful. seeing Himself as an accessory to the people he cares about, rather than a whole complete and important person. and in part because it feels Safer, it's Safer to pretend that nothing hurt him.

and Why that is is complicated. part of it is External. he doesn't Get to be angry about what he's been through, because the people he's angry At will just hurt him again. and if he thinks about how he's hurt then he Will get angry, so he just Won't Think About It.

and part of it is that I don't think he wants to process his trauma any more than tommy does. because it's painful, because he doesn't have the tools to actually work through it, because they aren't Safe so he can't afford to break down now (trouble is, there never Seems to be a "safe" time to think about himself).

they're the Repression Brothers. the difference being that tommy's at a different stage of it. not a Healthy One, but different.

tommy spent months not being able to put into words what exile was, what pogtopia was, was the final control room was. and he still won't be able to put it in plain words for some time from here.

but he's reached the point where he Can't ignore it anymore, but he still doesn't know what to Do about it. he's still frustrated with an (to an extent) Ashamed Of his trauma. he feels Lesser Than he was before and wants it to all just go away and go back to Normal.

he's doing this because he Has To, because he Has to be strong enough to fight dream. because if he's too scared to do it then he'd be sacrificing everyone else's safety.

he and tubbo are doing the Same Thing in different fonts, sacrificing their well being for the people Around Them, including Each Other.

so, lets go back to that moment that started all of this.

the exposure therapy was on the final control room section, with tommy working through having been killed by dream.

tubbo mentions that he died that night too, and tommy says something to the effect of "you did, but you have thicker skin."

this has been taken out of context to mean "you did, but I have it worse than you," when IN CONTEXT it means "you did, but you're stronger than me," or more accurately "you did, But I'm Worse Than You."

tommy does not see his trauma in the context of stupid apologist discourse. he sees his trauma as something that makes him Worse, as something he Shouldn't Feel. as something that makes him Weaker than everyone else, who Obviously are so much more put together than he is.

when he says this he's not saying that he's more important than tubbo, he's putting himself down in comparison TO tubbo.

and this is absolutely still harmful ! This is legitimately one of tommy's character flaws ! but it is Not the selfishness that people make it out to be.

it's tommy accidentally hurting other people by seeing Himself negatively. it's an unhealthy relationship with mental health, and a Realistic one considering the circumstances and setting.

likewise, it's Just As Much born from tubbo's own unhealthy coping mechanisms. tommy assumes that what happened didn't bother tubbo the way it did him because Tubbo wants him to think that.

Tubbo doesn't let tommy see how much he's hurting, which in turn feeds into this cycle.

tubbo assumes he Has to shove his trauma down for tommy's sake (for the sake of Everyone he cares about), and so tommy assumes tubbo was just Stronger than him and wants desperately to just shove his own trauma away the way tubbo seems to be able to.

this moment IS tragic, it IS an example of the two of them hurting each other. but it's BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER !!!

Both Of Them are trying to be strong enough to protect the other, and it's Hurting Them. it's unhealthy, but it 's not Malicious. it's self-sacrificial not Selfish. it's not something they've done to each other but what's been done To Them by the world they live in. what they've done to Themselves trying to live in it.

this shouldn't have been a discourse moment, it should've been clingyduoers tearing each other apart in the street at the tragedy of it

[soscarlett1twas]

Been thinking about Andrew and Luca.

There’s something so special to me about these two men — outwardly, very different people, but they’re just so alike internally: both having a pretty isolated upbringing with little to no friends, then being thrust into college life and discovering love… and that’s where we see a rift. The outcome of that relationship diverts the course of their emotional journeys. That is, until they meet eachother.

Luca found success where Andrew did not. Luca’s college relationship landed him a fiancé, while Andrew’s was the first in a long chain of loneliness. Isaac left him, then his brother did, and all Andrew had was the choice to either drown in his feelings, or drown in work. He chose work. And that pivoted them to meet, as without Andrew’s drive, he never would have become the young professor Luca TA’d for. He built himself wax wings to soar; but we all know the end of that myth.

Luca, meanwhile, was with the love of his life. Someone who supported him relentlessly for simply being him. It’s pretty clear they have a set-in-stone happily ever after, for as much as even I don’t believe in them. But what’s interesting about this is that Luca is the abandoner. He left his family back in the US. He is happy without them, but he is also not the person who stayed. And we know he was going to — he admits to having planned returning to the States after uni. But he didn’t, because he found love. Love he figured was worth (physically) leaving his family and life for.

Sound familiar? Takes a similar bent to a certain twin’s, doesn’t it.

So it’s those choices which force them to meet. Andrew’s delve into work and Luca’s “running away.” Luca is initially terrified of Andrew while Andrew just sees Luca as his new TA. Both completely fair POVs.

That works for like a week, then Andrew and Darling’s scandal breaks. (An affair which I will say only happened because of Andrew’s crippling loneliness. Andrew wouldn’t have broken his morals so deeply if it weren’t for that fact he literally had nobody else, so desperate for some form of love that he turned to a damn student.) Darling, in the heat of their argument, pins some blame on Luca, accusing Andrew of having a fling with Luca. It’s ludicrous, and I doubt even Darling actually believed that, but it strikes a nerve with Andrew.

Something similar happens with Luca and Babe later. While it’s not as severe an accusation, Babe is jealous of the blooming friendship between our dear Marston and Pearce. Luca assures them that there is nothing going on because literally nothing is, except for the fact that both of their listeners have only observed these two lacking in something, which can be described in a lump sum as friendship.

It’s a rare moment of almost… misunderstanding? For the listeners? Luca and Andrew are both made better by their listeners. ‘Better’ in little, esoteric ways — parallel to the nature of love itself, because is love if not for the little things? — but better nonetheless. So I think to see that little spark of fulfillment in your partner fueled by another person was a moment of yes, misunderstanding.

Because they do begin to fulfill eachother.

Luca calls Andrew more of a ‘big brother’ than anything else. Andrew is the family Luca left behind. And Luca is Andrew’s friend, a role once taken by the people who left him, and it is not a job that can be taken up by a partner — romantic and platonic love are not the same, after all.

This all comes to a head when Andrew and Luca have their talk. The details are a little obscure, but from what I’ve picked up, it seems they spoke about engagement. Luca’s proposal to Babe, specifically.

This is the climax of two things: first, the building of a friendship between two people who spent their lives pretty devoid of that and two, their crossroads. Luca wants to have his family again, only this time, with the person he loves more than anything. Andrew is going steady with Darling and is in the position to have a heart-to-heart with someone who is coming to him as a friend, as a brother, even if Luca never fully expressed that to Andrew.

And it works out. Even if hidden in the vibrant hues of an Icarian crash and burn from Andrew (him losing his job), there are still strokes of bliss. Babe says yes. Luca and Andrew’s friendship grows. Darling and Andrew living peacefully, above all else, together.

Luca and Andrew aren’t even amazing friends, but still, they’re parallels and foils all at once.

They are eachothers closure and openings to a new life. They are brief moments, those passing friends who you see only so often, but still the shifting in a current. Because you don’t need some big, romantic love affair to be changed — you don’t even need a really good friend, you just need a friend.

Somebody.

And I think that’s neat.

[hongjoongtime117]

Brats and Backtalk

Pairings: Multiple pairings

Genre: SMUT (MDNI 18+)

Word Count: 10.5k

Warnings: multiple partners, unprotected sex (wrap it up pleaseeeee!), pet names (Kitten, angel, sweetheart, good boy/girl, pretty boy/girl, handsome, baby), multiple orgasms, rough sex, pierced and tattooed Hongjoong, choking, Hongjoong has a Captain kink, everyone’s a brat, oral (F/M receiving), I’m sure there’s a lot more, and if you feel something needs to be tagged, please let me know!

Summary: The four of you finally get together, without the phones

Taglist: @kihyuns-military-wife @ghostlovesworld @arki-sha

About a month had passed since the very spicy game night, and with everyone’s jammed packed schedules, it had been difficult to get together again to follow up on the promise of the four of you together.

Wooyung and San have plans for the night to go out with their friends Yunho and Yeosang. So when Hongjoong texted you that he was heading out of the studio at a somewhat decent hour, you invited him over, hoping to spend some very needed time together.

‘As if I’d ever turn that down. I’m on my way’ was the reply you received almost immediately.

A half an hour later, you hear a rhythmic knock at the front door. You jump up from your bed to rush to the front door, but San has already beat you to it.

“Hey Joong, nice to see ya!” San steps aside to let him in. You and Wooyoung join him a moment later as Hongjoong toes off his sneakers.

Wooyoung gives an appreciative whistle at Hongjoong. “Ok, Joong, showing some leg!”

“Ah, yeah, it was a lazy day at the studio today. I didn't actually have to work so I didn’t bother dressing the part,” he says, chuckling at Wooyoung’s rowdiness.

Once you’re able to get a full view of Hongjoong with San and Wooyoung out of the way, you thoroughly check him out. The black tank top, showing off his beautiful artwork, his muscular arms, and his damn pecs, and you can see his nipple piercings through the thin fabric. The cut off denim shorts, showing off his thick legs that you are desperate to sink your teeth into. Or be between. Whichever comes first.

Hongjoong looks you up and down and giggles, as you two are unexpectedly matching. Black tank top, showing just the right amount of cleavage, and cut off shorts, hugging your ass just right. Hongjoong pulls you in for a tight hug and grabs your ass and kisses your neck.

“God, I missed you,” his breath tickling your skin.

“I missed you more.”

“Hmmm, is that so? You’ll have to prove it to me,” he says in a playful tone.

“Alright you two lovebirds, get a room!” Wooyoung taunts as he shuts the door.

Hongjoong releases you from his embrace to grab your hand and beings pulling you towards your room. “You heard the man. Come on, baby.”

Once in your room, you both settle on your bed and catch up on life from the last month. You go more in depth on the conversation of where your relationship stands. You’ve found out that Hongjoong’s sex life was much more interesting than you had originally thought.

The friend circle between Hongjoong, Wooyoung, and San had all been hooking up with each other for a while. While there were ‘couples’, as long as it was between any of the eight of them, it was allowed. You and Hongjoong talked about the possibility of adding you into the group of eight. With the boy’s busy schedules and your long hours, you didn’t immediately shoot down the idea.

The last month without Hongjoong had been torture for your insatiable sex drive. So the thought of being able to be with someone deemed safe by Hongjoong in his absence gave you a thrill. Being able to ‘quench your thirst’ with a variety of options was exciting to you. Of course, Hongjoong would be allowed the same, and if schedules allowed, there was definitely room to explore more than one option at a time.

“Have you given any more thought to our talks? I don’t want to pressure you into anything, and I only want you to agree to this if you’re comfortable. If not, we can keep things exclusive. Just you and I. I’ve already talked with the boys before I even brought it up to you, and they are definitely into the idea.”

“You think your jealousy can handle sharing me with seven other men, Joong?” you raise your eyebrows at him.

“I mean, I don’t love the idea, exactly. But if I’m fucking around with all of them, I can’t exactly tell you that it’s not ok for you to do so also. Life is just hectic sometimes, and I’m not always going to be able to take care of your needs, the same way you can’t always take care of mine. I’d rather know you're being taken care of by one, or more, of my boys that I trust, rather than randomly hooking up. Plus, everything goes through me first, and I’ll give you that same respect.”

“I actually really enjoy the thought, and think it would be fun and interesting. Of course I would prefer you, or you and a combination of the others, but I’m fully on board with this idea.”

Hongjoong’s phone lights up with a text.

“Aish, they’re shit out of luck tonight. I’ve got more important things to tend to.”

“And who might ‘they’ be?”

“It’s Seonghwa, Mingi, and Jongho. I’ve told you about them. They wanted me to go out for drinks tonight. You’ll meet them sooner or later. They’re a blast!”

A fake pout crossing your lips as you wrap your arms around his middle from behind, you tease, “I mean, you can ditch me to go pick up people at the bar.”

“Y/N, don’t be fucking ridiculous.” He leans back into you, effectively laying you down underneath him as he removes your hands and flips himself over to settle over top of you, placing kisses onto your neck. “The only ones I want are you and the boys. I’m plenty satisfied with that.”

“So who is your favorite out of the boys?” curiosity heavy in your voice.

He stops his kisses and sighs into your skin. He pulls himself back to make eye contact with you. “You’re really asking me to choose? I can’t do that. They each fill a role for me. Or me for them. San and Yeosang are whatever I need them to be at that moment. Seonghwa comes to me when he needs a break from Dom life and needs to recenter. Clearly Woo frequently needs to be put in his place, so I am a Dom to him, in addition to San. And as for Yunho and Mingi, they’re who I go to when I need a break and need to let someone else take control for a while. Jongho is very reserved and I’m not sure he’s been with anyone in the group if I’m being honest. I think there’s someone, but no one pries.”

“That’s a lot more involved than I thought. I just thought ya’ll fucked, and that was that,” you say, sounding more surprised than you intended.

Just as you finish your sentence, there’s a knock on your bedroom door. Not having locked it, since even if things got heated between you and Hongjoong, (it was definitely going to), it’s not like the other two hadn’t watch Hongjoong fuck you within an inch of your life, you holler for whoever it was to enter.

San and Wooyoung head over to join the two of you on the edge of the bed. “Hey, so, uhhh. Our plans with Yunho and Yeosang fell through. They had something come up.” You can tell San is a little disappointed.

“You look pretty bummed, Sannie. But uh, that leaves the four of us. Free. Together. In the same house. We can make good on our promise,” Hongjoong suggests.

“I’m not going to lie and say that that doesn’t sound like a better plan than what we had planned with Yunho and Yeo,” Wooyoung deadpans.

“We had actually just finished talking about you two and the rest of the boys. I tried asking Joong who his favorite was, but instead I got a breakdown of you all,” your tone amused. “Joong, what do you need Sannie to be for you tonight?” you giggle, wanting to know where this night is heading.

“Sannie is gonna be a good little bottom for me tonight. Aren’t you, handsome?” He reaches over to place two fingers under San’s chin as they exchange glances.

“Sorry, Captain. Not really in the mood for bottoming tonight. You’d have to fight me for it,” he spits.

Hongjoong drops his hand and raises an eyebrow at the challenge. “That can be arranged, San.”

You and Wooyoung share an ‘oh shit’ look with each other as Hongjoong stands up and makes his way past the both of you to San.

“You two, over there,” he points to the small sofa a few feet away, against your bedroom wall, but facing the bed. “I need all the room I can get to deal with San and the mouth he has on him tonight.”

You both are immediately on your feet and heading to your designated spot, entangling yourselves together to watch the showdown between the other two.

Hongjoong aggressively pushes San backwards onto the bed, and straddles him while simultaneously using one hand to pin his hands above his head. He uses the other to grip San’s face rather hard. With a well intended grind of his hips that makes San’s dick twitch, he questions him. “So, how do we fix this smart mouth of yours, hmm?”

“Better yet, how do we fix yours, Joongie?” San uses his body strength to flip Hongjoong over underneath him, and Hongjoong wraps his legs around San to steady himself from the unexpected flip. His hands mimic the same position he was in under Hongjoong. Hongjoong audibly gasps at the change of roles.

“What do you have to say now, Captain?” his tone condescending. “You’re so pretty underneath me like this.”

Hongjoong uses every ounce of strength and the help of his legs wrapped around San to overpower him and yet again land himself on top. “You wish, handsome.”

“Oh come on, Joongie. You and I both know you want me in that tight little ass.” San places his hands on Hongjoong’s waist and grinds him against his hardening cock.

Hongjoong throws his head back with a groan at the friction and San runs his hands under Hongjoong’s tank top and plays with his sensitive, pierced nipples. “Fuck you, Choi San,” Hongjoong hisses.

“Oh, no, no. It’s going to be me who’s fucking you, Kim Hongjoong. You’re going to sit here on my cock and tell me you don’t want it, pretty?” San coos with a roll of his hips against the grind he’s set Hongjoong into.

“I can’t fucking stand you, do you know that?” Hongjoong said through clenched teeth.

“Good thing you’re sitting then, huh?” a smirk plastering San’s face.

“Ooo, Hongjoong is almost as bratty as I am,” Wooyoung whispers to you.

“No one can out brat you, Woo. Except maybe me,” you whisper back. “Have you never seen San and Joong go at it?”

“No, usually when they’re like this, I’m not around so this is as new to me as it is to you. But I like it! I do know though, that from Sannie telling me about the times they’ve fucked, that little Joongie definitely wants to bottom tonight,” he giggles.

“How do you know that?” you yell whisper at Wooyoung, trying not to draw attention to yourselves.

“He was being nice to Sannie. He wouldn’t have complimented him if he wanted to top him tonight.”

“Nice when?” your eyes widening in amusement.

“Didn’t you hear him call San ‘handsome’?”

“I mean, I did but, San is handsome.”

“Not when Joong wants to rail him,” Wooyoung shrugs like this should just be common sense.

During your conversation with Wooyoung, San has Hongjoong even more riled up, his dick straining against the rough fabric of his denim shorts. San sits himself up and makes quick work of removing and tossing Hongjoong’s tank top, and wraps his burning lips around one of Hongjoong’s perky buds, sucking loudly. Small pants, whimpers, and whines begin spilling from Hongjoong’s plump, pink, jeweled lips.

San stops for a brief moment to look up at Hongjoong, lightly glistening with sweat. “Come on, Joongie, all you have to do is beg for it, and I’ll give it to you. Be a good boy.” As soon as he finishes his sentence, one of Hongjoong’s nipples is in between his teeth, and the other underneath the pad of his thumb.

“I’ll never beg for it,” his breathing uneven from San’s touch.

“Never, Joongie? I remember very clearly the last time you begged for me to fuck you.” He stands up with Hongjoong in his arms and leaves from the edge of the bed and makes his way to the foot of the bed to deposit Hongjoong into the middle of it. He hovers over him for just a moment before he places hot, sloppy kisses on his neck. “Let me remind you, hmm?”

San slides his hand into the waistband of Hongjoong’s shorts and boxers and grabs a hold of his hard, leaking, jewelry-clad dick and gives it a few strokes. Hongjoong’s back arches off the bed, chasing the pleasure of San’s hand. “Awww, you’re already dripping for me, pretty.” San rubs his thumb over his pierced tip and Hongjoong lets out a nose somewhere between a whimper and a moan.

“Are you going to willingly beg for it, or am I going to have to make you? Because one way or another, you’ll be pleading for me to fuck you full.”

“I told you I’m not begging for shit,” Hongjoong’s voice cracking from trying to keep his composure.

“I love that you’re putting on a little show for Y/N and Youngie. It’s just going to be that much more satisfying when I finally break you.”

You and Wooyoung have your eyes glued to the pair, Wooyoung palming the tent forming in his sweats, and you rubbing your thighs together to try and relieve your throbbing pussy.

San’s impatience gets the better of him as he rips off Hongjoong’s boxers and shorts in one quick, aggressive movement and throws them onto the floor behind him. Hongjoong lays bare and at the mercy of the fully clothed man. San’s lips are back on Hongjoong’s body and he places hungry, needy kisses across every inch of honey, tattooed skin he can manage to get his mouth on. His kisses getting lower, he stops at the ‘Captain’ tattoo and traces his tongue painstakingly slowly over each letter. Hongjoong’s dick spasms at the feeling of the wet, warm muscle drawing on his skin, and yet another drop of the salty nectar leaks from his tip.

San hums in satisfaction, knowing he’s almost got Hongjoong right where he wants him. “Let me take care of that for you, Joongie.”

He grabs a hold of Hongjoong’s thick, muscular thighs and licks a slobbery trail up the underside of Hongjoong’s dick and engulfs the tip into his eager mouth. Before Hongjoong can get any true satisfaction from it, San pops Hongjoong’s dick out of his mouth. “Fuck, I forgot just how good you taste. You gonna give me some more, baby?”

Hongjoong’s breaths are short and shallow as he whines in frustration. In a final attempt to regain some dominance, he gives a rough tug to San’s locks. “God, you’re such a fucking tease, San.”

“Are you ready to beg yet, or should I keep going?” one side of his mouth curling into a mischievous smirk.

“Do your worst, handsome,” he says, returning the smirk, hand still threaded in San’s hair.

“You won’t be this cocky for long, Joongie, I promise you that.”

San licks and sucks on Hongjoong’s inner thighs, making his way upwards, intentionally ignoring his angry, pulsing cock. He stops for a moment, and you can see the look of contemplation on his face. In the blink of eye, he flips Hongjoong over, kneels behind him, and pulls his hips up to bring his ass flush to his own hips and stiff, still fully clothed dick.

“Y/N, do you happen to have some lube somewhere?”

“It’s in the top drawer of the nightstand,” you manage to squeak out.

San leans over Hongjoong to reach into the draw in search of the bottle. He can feel Hongjoong trying to struggle against him as he finally locates it. He leans back, tossing the bottle within reach on the bed, and puts a firm hand on the back of Hongjoong’s neck and pushes his head into the mattress. His other hand lands a sharp smack on his ass, the sound echoing through the room. Hongjoong makes a strangled noise, somewhere between pain and pleasure.

“You’re gonna stay still and be a good boy and take what I give you, aren’t you, pretty?” he whispers to Hongjoong as he pets his spine with the same rough hand that delivered the harsh blow to his ass.

His resolve completely breaking under San’s hands and words, cheek still squished into the mattress, he gives a small nod.

“That’s it baby. Let Sannie make you feel good.”

San generously costs his fingers with the lubricant and drips some down the crack of Hongjoong’s ass, watching his hole flutter around nothing.

“S-San,” Hongjoong huffs.

“Shhh, it’s ok, I’ve got you.”

San teases the rim of Hongjoong’s hole before leisurely sliding a finger in. Hongjoong hisses at the intrusion and within a few tender stroke in and out, Hongjoong attempts to fuck himself back onto San’s finger. San expertly nails Hongjoong’s prostate, eliciting a choked moan from the man under him.

“Someone’s very needy, aren’t they?”

“I-it’s not enough, I need more.”

San pulls his finger out completely and the beginning of tears start to form at Hongjoong’s lash line. He now places two fingers right at his entrance, just enough pressure to let Hongjoong know they’re there.

“What’s the magic word, Joongie?”

Hongjoong shakes his head. He will not beg for this man.

San drops his hand from its place at Hongjoong’s hole and pushes himself off of the bed, and Hongjoong panics.

Still in the same position as San left him, ass in the air, and face to the mattress, he does indeed begin to beg for San. “N-no, Sannie. Please! I’ll be good. P-please. Sannie, I need you.” The bed dips as San returns to it, having removed his clothes during Hongjoong’s pleas. San is big. You hadn’t noticed prior because he was fully sheathed inside Wooyoung’s ass the last time you saw him naked. He’s long, but also thick, and you want to lick every protruding vein on his cock.

San rubs his engorged, flushed dick between Hongjoong’s ass cheeks, and he flinches a little at the unexpected skin to skin contact. “I knew you’d beg for me. What do you need, baby? Tell Sannie.”

He reaches under Hongjoong, giving his cock a few pumps, and rolling a nipple between his fingers. A staccato moan leaves Hongjoong’s throat and San kisses up his back. “Tell me, Joongie, or I will leave you here, dripping and hard in the middle of Y/N’s bed. Youngie and Y/N won’t be allowed to help you. And I won’t let you touch yourself either.”

“Please, I need your cock. I need you to fuck me, please.” Hongjoong is breathless as a single tear falls.

“That’s a good boy, Captain,” San says as he pushes into him in one fluid thrust of his hips, bottoming out inside of him.

San picks up a relentless pace, and Hongjoong desperately meets it. His whimpers and whines vibrate through the air, along with another familiar set and Wooyoung can no longer keep his mouth shut. You and Wooyoung have stripped down to nothing but your bra and panties and his boxers as you sit in his lap, back to his chest, your legs spread open as he plays with your clit through your soaked panties.

“Aww, look at little whiny bottom Joongie, flushed and crying on Sannie’s cock.”

Hongjoong and San look at the both of you, and even though Hongjoong looks insanely fucked out, you can tell he’s pissed, and so is San.

San stops his strokes into Hongjoong, and gives a cold stare to Wooyoung. Hongjoong makes a noise of disappointment at the halt of San’s movements.

“Youngie. Come here. Now.” His tone is very serious and anyone in their sane mind who wasn’t an absolute brat would be scared. He starts moving again inside Hongjoong, a patient pace, unlike the voice that just came from him.

But Wooyoung being the brat he is, decides to test San’s authority. “Make me, Sannie. And I would say that would be rather difficult for you to do, seeing as how you’re currently balls deep inside precious Joongie.”

With a sigh and gritted teeth, San says, “Wooyoung, don’t test my fucking patience. I said-” He’s interrupted by Hongjoong who, with a sickly sweet voice, calls Wooyoung to them.

“Wooyo, San asked you to come here.”

Wooyoung taps your leg, signaling for you to stand. He immediately heads over to Hongjoong and San on the bed.

“Oh, so you listen to Hongjoong when he calls for you? Seems you’ve suddenly forgotten who owns you, pretty. Boxers off. On the bed, in front of your lovely Joongie. And as punishment for your ‘cute’ little stunt, you don’t get to cum until I say so.”

There’s an air of unspoken words between Hongjoong and San, and Hongjoong knows exactly what he’s asking of him. He’s meant to bring Wooyoung to a similar state of his own. Only then is San going to let him cum.

Wooyoung settles in front of Hongjoong, feet placed on either side of his head.

“Oh, don’t think I forgot about you, Y/N. Come here.” Hongjoong’s dominance has returned, if only for a moment, to put you back in your place. You shake your head ‘no’ at him. An eyebrow flies upwards at your disobedience.

“Kitten,” San says, using Hongjoong’s pet name for you, “you were told to do something, I suggest you listen. Here. Now.”

You swiftly make your way to the bed and sit on your heels next to the three men, squeezing your legs together tightly to try and calm your aching bundle of nerves.

“Since you seem so eager to get your hands on Y/N, Youngie, why don’t you go ahead and take care of the rest of her clothes for us?” Hongjoong looks up at Wooyoung from his place in between his legs. “And Y/N, since you need a lesson on how to control yourself, you’re allowed nothing but to watch.”

“That’s not fair,” you pout at Hongjoong. “It was Woo’s idea!”

“And he’s also in trouble too, lest you forget. Hongjoong will make sure his punishment is carried out. So I suggest you take yours like a good girl, and start by letting Woo get rid of your sopping panties and that bothersome bra. We want to see you make a mess of yourself while I fuck your Joongie full of my cum and he plays with my naughty little Youngie.”

“Get to it, Woo,” San nods his head towards you, and picks back up his pace, fucking into Hongjoong like a dog in heat.

Wooyoung crawls over to you and unhooks your bra tossing it into the pile of forgotten clothes on the floor, and then tips you backwards onto the bed and makes quick work of your panties, adding the final piece of clothing from the four of you.

Hongjoong beckons Wooyoung to sit back in front of him, and he does so without any hesitation. You sit back up onto your knees, this time spreading your legs apart so that your bare pussy touches the soft, silky sheets.

“Go ahead, Joongie. Get your fill of Wooyo as a reward for taking my cock so well.”

Hongjoong doesn’t need to be told twice. He pulls Wooyoung by the thighs until he’s face to face with his dick. He kitten licks the precum off Wooyoung’s length that has dripped down it with his pierced tongue, the feeling making Wooyoung shiver with need.

“Fuck, Captain.”

Before Wooyoung can catch his breath, Hongjoong wraps his mouth around him and wastes no time taking him all the way in, his nose nestled in his well trimmed pubic hair. You hear Hongjoong gulp as he swallows around Wooyoung’s cock. Wooyoung screams as he finds purchase in Hongjoong’s hair. San gives a particularly hard thrust which has Hongjoong moaning around him as his eyes roll back, the vibrations causing tears to well up in Wooyoung’s eyes.

“Shit, if you don’t get your perfect mouth off my dick, I’m definitely gonna cum down your throat.”

San lands a thrust that pushes Hongjoong just a little farther down onto Wooyoung’s cock and he chokes on it before opening his mouth to release Wooyoung and letting his saliva coat him and drip down to his hole.

Hongjoong litters each of Wooyoung’s tensing thighs in deep bite marks. “As much as I’d love to swallow your babies, Sannie has given his orders, pretty.”

Hongjoong plunges two neatly manicured fingers into Wooyoung, precum and saliva that dripped from Wooyoung’s dick being the only lubricant. Wooyoung sharply inhales and arches his back at the sudden stretch and slight burn. Hongjoong milks his sweet spot, bringing forth soft, incoherent words from Wooyoung’s lips.

“Hnng, fuck, Joongie. I-I can’t.” Wooyoung’s body tightens as he tosses his head side to side, heavy pants making his chest rise and fall quickly. The look of Wooyoung fucked out from his fingers alone causes him to clamp around San’s dick and San grabs Hongjoong’s hips and pulls him full force back into his cock. Hongjoong crumples with a silent scream, his head resting into Wooyoung’s taut stomach, his fingers now slowly working him.

“Taking me so well, our precious Joongie. You’ve been so good for me. I’ll let you cum soon, baby. Look at the mess our pretty Y/N has made, watching you take my cock.”

All three of them look over to you, your body having a mind of its own as you rub your hot, slick coated pussy against the cool sheets. There’s a growing wet spot underneath you as your arousal only continues to increase.

Your disarray makes all three of them groan, and double down on their efforts in ruining each other. As things get louder and more intense, Hongjoong’s phone rings. None of them bother stopping, instead ordering you to answer it and put it on speaker. The name simply reads “Baby Chick 🐥”.

“H-hello?” you answer, out of breath and barely above a whisper.

“Hongjoong-ah, you sound a little more feminine than usual,” the caller jokes.

“He’s a little BUSY at the moment, Mingi-ah,” punctuating ‘busy’ with a long, deep thrust into Hongjoong. Hongjoong clamps his teeth around Wooyoung’s thigh once again to try and quiet the grunt that threatens to escape.

“God damn, Joongie, are you trying to eat me alive!?” Wooyoung squeals.

“Oh, is he? Sounds a bit like you all are. So it must be Miss Y/N that answered?” Mingi questions.

You’re quiet, your horny brain trying to process everything that’s going on in the moment.

“Y/N, M-Mingi-ah… a-asked you… something,” Hongjoong’s sentence broken up by his high pitched moans and tear laden voice from San’s quickening pace. You’re pretty sure they’re all seconds from cumming.

“Um, yes. It’s Y/N…”

Mingi hums on the other line. “Why so quiet, doll? Aren’t you enjoying yourself? You got three gorgeous men with you.”

“She’d probably be having fun if she was allowed to join, Princess, but her and Woo decided to have some fun without permission, so she can only watch. You should see how fucking hot she looks, all desperate and needy, in a puddle of her own juices,” San paints the picture for Mingi.

“Shit, send me a picture,” Mingi requests.

San quickly takes the phone from you, snaps a quick photo and sends it to Mingi. The line is silent for a few moments.

“Fuck… and y’all aren’t all over that right now?” whines Mingi.

“She’s being taught a lesson, Mingi. And so is Woo,” Hongjoong growls as he take Wooyoung’s dick into his other hand, pumping it achingly slow, slowing down his fingers to match.

“Joongie, f-fuck, please. I need to cum. God dammit!”

“Doll, give me details on what you’re seeing, hmmm?”

You whimper out a sigh. “I could just make it a video call and you can see for yourself?”

“No, no. I want you to tell me.”

Your voice timid and stammering, you explain in full detail what’s taking place. San fucking into Hongjoong, Hongjoong fingering and stroking Wooyoung to the point he’s completely sobbing. Hongjoong kissing Wooyoung to swallow his cries. San reaching under Hongjoong to push a rough, strong hand on Hongjoong’s throat, in turn making him sob, and San belting out a guttural moan.

“Ahh, so little Joongie is taking San’s big cock in his tight little ass, is he?”

“Yes, and I… I think it’s really fucking hot.”

“Oh?” You hear yet another voice on the other line. “You hear that, Mingi? She thinks it’s hot. Lucky for her, she’ll be seeing a hell of a lot of it, if she ended up agreeing to Joong’s proposition.”

“Hhnng, fuck. Come on, pretty. Cum for me. Cum for Sannie.” San is stroking Hongjoong’s cock impossibly fast with the hand that’s not on his throat making him dizzy with pleasure.

Hongjoong’s hole squeezes San dick over and over as he reaches his release, ropes of white, sticky cum painting the bed below as his body spasms and a muted scream leaves his throat.

“That’s it, baby, just a little more. Let me use you. Let me fuck this cute ass full of my cum.” A few more thrusts brings San to his own toe curling orgasm.

“Now, should we finally let poor Youngie cum, Joongie?” San asks Hongjoong, breathless.

“I think he’s earned it,” a devious smirk planted on Hongjoong’s face.

He adds a third finger into Wooyoung’s ass and fucks him in earnest. Before he wraps his hungry mouth around Wooyoung’s dick, he licks his lips. “Now I can finally swallow you properly, my pretty, pretty Woo.”

A strangled cry is heard from everyone by Wooyoung as Hongjoong pumps his fingers relentlessly into him, and swallows his dick whole.

“Fuck, y’all really tortured poor Wooyo this whole time and didn’t let him cum? No wonder he was so loud!” You hear a third voice radiate through the speaker.

“Sangie?” Wooyoung calls out. “I-I thought you and Yunho had something come up? F-fuck, Joong.” The sound of Hongjoong gurgling on Wooyoung’s cock fills the room.

“Jesus, Joong! He’s not gonna have a dick left when you’re done. But, yeah, that something was Mingi. Me and Yunho decided we needed you four to finally fuck it out, so once we heard Hongjoong was over, a dick appointment with Mingi was too tempting. Sounds like it’s, uh, working in everyone's favor. Except for maybe Y/N.”

“Don’t worry, she’s about to be well taken care of. Baby, have you learned your lesson?”

“Yes, sir,” you blurt out, answering San’s question with zero hesitation.

“Sir? Oh, you’re really trying to get in my good graces aren’t you? Go sit on Woo’s pretty face, Kitten.”

Woo is so fucked out, but you can see the look of excitement as you crawl your way over to him and hover over his face. “He said sit, not hover, Y/N,” he says right before pulling you down to fully seat yourself on his face.

He licks a slow, agonizing path from your fluttering entrance to your swollen clit, and grazes it with his teeth before sucking on it, lewd slurping noises surrounding the two of you. Hongjoong hits the right spot for Wooyoung, because you feel the rumble of his moans into your pussy. He comes up for air, his face glistening with your juices. “Fuck, I could eat this pussy all day, you taste so fucking good. Joongie, s-shit. I’m gonna cum!”

“You better make sure that Y/N does too, Youngie. Don’t be selfish.” orders San, and Hongjoong slows just enough to ease Wooyoung off the edge.

Your legs are already trembling, the heat in your gut having threatened to burst the moment Wooyoung pulled you onto his face. “Cum on my tongue, angel. Need you to give me every last drop.”

He dives back in, devouring you like a man starved. His skilled tongue is fucking in and out of your tight heat, and you grip his long, dark hair, trying to maintain some semblance of sanity. Hongjoong can tell you’re close just by your pornographic noises, and the way you rock your hips on Wooyoung’s face. He curls his fingers inside Wooyoung and sucks hard on his tip, and Wooyoung gives your clit the same treatment. Your legs trap Wooyoung’s head as you cum with a loud string of curses. As Wooyoung drinks up your spilled arousal, Hongjoong pushes once more against his sweet spot, finally earning him the treat he’d been after as he swallows every last drop he’s coaxed from Wooyoung. Wooyoung screams are muffled by your pussy, and they reverberate through you, causing another orgasm to seize your body, unexpectedly.

You roll off of Wooyoung’s face and settle next to him. “You eat pussy like a god, Woo. What the fuck?” Your body is still twitching a bit and your breath steadying after coming down from back to back orgasms, and Wooyoung’s eyes are closed as he smirks.

“My mouth is something I pride myself on, in all ways that can be taken,” he giggles softly.

“I hope you didn’t think we were finished,” San asks tentatively.

“Hmm, nope, just needed a few minutes. You good to go Y/N? Joong?”

You and Hongjoong hum in agreement.

“Ok, that’s settled then. Joongie, on your back. I want Youngie to get you good and hard again, and then cockwarm you, keep you nice and ready for Y/N, yeah?” Hongjoong nods as he gets into position. “As for you, my pretty boy,” San lightly grabs Wooyoung’s chin to make their eyes meet, “I know his cock feels amazing, but save your cum for when our gorgeous Y/N has her tight pussy wrapped around your cock. Think you can handle that?”

Wooyung gives a sadden sigh. “As long as Joongie plays nice, I think I can handle it.”

“Oh, baby. I’m not sure it’s him you’ll have to worry about. Now go on and get our Captain ready.”

Wooyoung heads over to Hongjoong, who is resting and waiting with his hands folded underneath his head. “Y/N, can you come here for just a second?”

You’re unsure of Wooyoung’s next move but you scoot yourself closer to him. “Spread your legs for me, pretty girl.” San keeps a close eye on the interaction, making sure Wooyoung behaves. You follow his instructions and give him a full view of your glistening folds. “Fuck, so pretty.”

He sticks his fingers inside of you to collect some of your slick, which is abundant, considering he just gave you two earth shattering orgasms. You groan as you try to ride his thick fingers, but he pulls them out just as quick as they went in. “Nuh uh, baby. I just needed some help getting Joongie all nice and wet for me. I appreciate the assistance,” his tone playful and bratty.

Using the arousal he just collected from you, he slicks up Hongjoong’s dick and strokes him, playing with his piercings, until he’s back fully hard and leaking. He straddles Hongjoong, facing you and San, and Hongjoong pulls his cheeks apart to watch Wooyoung slide down his dick until he’s fully seated on it. Hongjoong sighs in relief. “Shit, Youngie. So warm and tight,” he says, kneading the soft flesh of Wooyoung’s ass. Wooyoung tries to stay as still as possible and follow San’s orders.

Hongjoong plants his feet on the bed to give San space to mimic his position the opposite direction.

“Y/N. Ride me? You’ve been so patient and I know your pretty little hole is aching to be filled with cock.”

“Yes, sir.” You maneuver yourself just over San’s hard, fat cock and line him up with your entrance. The glide is smooth but you can still feel the burning stretch, and he groans as he bottoms out inside you.

“That’s it, baby. Such a good girl for us. I’ve been waiting so long to have my dick inside you. Such a shame that it took Joongie being gracious enough to share you with us for it to happen. We could have had you cumming on our cocks ages ago.”

You whine at his dirty words, bouncing up and down at a rhythmic pace. He sits himself up on his forearms to watch himself disappear inside your tight pussy. “That’s a fucking sight to see. You take me so well, pretty.”

You readjust yourself and slide your upper body forward so it’s resting on the bed, you propped on your forearms now as well, as you continue to ride San. You’re now also inches away from Wooyoung’s dick, still shining from Hongjoong’s mouth. You wet your lips and run your tongue along every protruding vein on his gorgeous cock. He shivers at the unexpected attention.

“Such a cock tease, Y/N,” he whimpers needily, as he begins rocking his hips against Hongjoong’s dick.

Hongjoong grabs his hips to still him. “You were told to warm me, not fuck me, Youngie.”

“I-I can’t h-help it. Feels so good.” You fully engulf his cock into your hungry mouth and he chokes out a broken moan.

San gives your ass a sharp slap that elicits a moan from you, the vibration traveling to Wooyoung’s cock and making him twitch.

“Such a naughty girl, teasing Youngie and making him squirm, knowing he can’t cum until he has you,” San instigates.

You become even more wet at his words. “Now I know why Joongie can’t stay away,” he pants, breaths becoming uneven. “So nice of him to share this tight, wet pussy with us.”

San pays close attention to Wooyoung and can tell by his high pitched moans that he’s teetering on the edge of his release. Before he topples over, San grabs you by the throat and pops you off of Wooyoung’s dick and pulls you flush to his chest.

Brows furrowing and a disgruntled groan leaving his chest, Wooyoung pouts. Hongjoong still has a bruising grip on his hips, keeping him still. “Only good boys get to cum more than once, Wooyo. And you’ve been a mouthy little brat all night. Prove to me you can behave until Sannie decides you’ve earned Y/N, and maybe we’ll be kind enough to let you cum again.”

San finds your lips, placing sloppy, hot, saliva filled kisses onto them. His tongue explores your mouth, tasting the bitter, salty essence of Wooyoung’s precum lingering. His hips snap into you, sharp and precise, brushing against your cervix on every thrust up. He places gentle pressure on your throat, enough to make your head spin, and your orgasm is quickly approaching from his ministrations. You greedily swallow each other's noises and you can feel San’s cock throbbing inside of you. Your pussy has San in a vice grip and he leaves your lips to scatter kisses across your shoulders and neck.

“You’re squeezing me so tight. Let go and cum on my cock, sweetheart.” Your mouth opens in a silent scream as you come undone on San’s dick and after a few more pumps, he follows, his hot seed filling you so full that it drips out of you around him.

San pulls out of you as you come down from your high. “You did so good, sweetie. Can you still take more? Look at poor, Youngie. He looks like he could use your help, baby.”

You look at Wooyoung who is writhing on Hongjoong’s dick, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. “Mmm, yes, Sannie. Want to take care of Woo.”

“Go sit on him, baby. And let Joongie do all the work. I have a feeling you’re going to need your energy once he gets a hold of you.”

You make your way over to a very whiny, overstimulated Wooyoung and climb on top of him. You slowly lower yourself onto his dick, and his nails dig into you back as he cries out. “F-fuck, I… shit.”

The mixture of your juices and San’s cum in your hole, still tight and gripping from your orgasm minutes before, encompassing Wooyoung’s dick, has him cumming the moment he’s fully inside of you.

“Shit. I-I’m s-sorry,” Wooyoung chokes out a sob, tears finally escaping his glassy eyes.

“Aww, our pretty Wooyo couldn’t even wait for us, Y/N. Poor, desperate, needy boy,” Hongjoong coos.

“At least he followed Sannie’s orders. But you’re gonna keep being a good boy and let Joongie and I use you, right baby?” you purr in his ear and yank his long, silky hair, exposing his neck to gently suck on it.

“Such a good boy. Use me, please,” his voice barely above a whisper.

“I love when you’re begging on my cock, pretty boy. We’ve got you, baby.”

Hongjoong starts with a slow and steady pace, and the three of you let out a sound of pleasure. Hongjoong increases his pace as you all become used to the position, him fucking you through Wooyoung.

“Mmm, feels so good, Youngie,” lust lacing your voice as you continue your previous attack on his neck. Your teeth scrape against a sensitive spot and he hums in approval. The pads of your thumbs play with his nipples and his whines raise an octave.

“So good, Woo, letting me fuck you into Y/N. Feel good, baby?”

“Gah, f-fuck. Really good. She’s so wet and tight, Joongie.”

You feel heat at your back, and San has knelt behind you. He places his hands on your hips and rocks you on Wooyoung’s cock, matching Hongjoong’s thrusts below. San rests his chin on your shoulder and Wooyoung instantly attaches his mouth to San’s. The lewd sounds of their make out session next to your ear has the knot in your belly tightening. If the panting in your ear is acting to go by, Wooyoung is just as close as you are, and you glance at Hongjoong to see he isn’t faring any better. His pierced lip is between his teeth, brows knitted in concentration.

San’s hard dick pokes into your back every time he pulls you back, and you instinctively clench around Wooyoung. Now that you’re grinding on Wooyoung on your own accord, San runs his hands up your torso to cup your breasts and knead them in his hands. He pinches your nipples as he and Wooyoung mark your blemish free skin with purpling bruises.

Hongjoong is fucking Wooyoung into you hard, and you gasp as if the air has been punched from your lungs. “Fuck.. s-so close. Don’t stop, please,” you babble.

“Please, Joongie. Don’t stop. S’close too. Y/N is about to drain me for everything I have, she’s squeezing me so fucking tight. Come on, pretty girl.”

“Feels so good. I’m gon-,” your sentence unfinished as you cum so hard that your vision blanks and your hearing betrays you for a few moments, your head resting on San’s shoulder.

The pulsing of your pussy around Wooyoung has him cumming what seems like an endless supply deep inside you. “That’s it, Y/N. Take every last drop.”

The domino effect continues, as Hongjoong follows right behind Wooyoung, wrapping his arms tightly around him and giving a few final strokes. He collapses back onto the bed and lightly chuckles. “I was genuinely concerned you were gonna take my dick off for a second, Woo. I don’t think you’ve ever cum that hard around my dick.”

“Well, you can thank Y/N for that one. She’s got a perfect pussy.”

San removes you from Wooyoung and cuddles you in his arms while the aftershocks of your release calm down. Hongjoong slides out of Wooyoung and cuddles him as well. He pets Wooyoung’s hair as he addresses the both of you. “You both did so good, my babies.” San kisses your temple and makes a noise of agreement.

“Sannie and Youngie felt so, so good. Filled me up so nicely, and I would not be opposed to riding Woo’s face for the rest of my life.”

“Oh?”

You can sense the jealousy seeping out of Hongjoong’s every pore. Which was absolutely your intention. Everyone had been a little too gentle for your liking tonight, and you just wanted Hongjoong to fuck you stupid and remind you who you actually belonged to.

“Sannie fucked me so g-,”

Hongjoong interrupts you. “Kitten, that’s enough.” Anyone else would be scared of the look in his eyes right now, but you’ve got him exactly where you want him. All you need to do is push just a little further.

“What?” you feign innocence. “I was just saying how good they made me feel.” San stifles a laugh as you back talk Hongjoong, because he knows you’re about to be in for it. He quietly slips out from behind you and collects a spent Wooyoung from Hongjoong to go sit over on the couch, ready to enjoy the show.

“Do you think that I don’t have eyes? Or ears, Y/N? Do you think I didn’t hear every sound or see every face you made while they fucked you? While Youngie devoured your pussy?” he hisses.

He makes his way over to you and shoves you back, caging you underneath him.

“You’re a pliant little fucking mess for Sannie, aren’t you?” one of his pretty, inked hands reaching to clasp your throat. “You like how he fucked you, hmm? Let him stuff you full of his cum. Still wasn’t enough for you, you had to be full from both ends, huh? Making Youngie squirm on my cock.”

“I loved every second of it,” you say as loud as you can with Hongjoong’s hand around your neck, a devious smirk decorating your lips.

“I bet you did, Kitten. But let me remind you who you belong to, hmm?”

You hear moans and heavy breathing followed by a ‘fuck’ that doesn’t come from any of the four of you in the room. You all take a moment and realize it’s coming from Hongjoong’s forgotten phone, which has made its way onto the floor at some point.

“Fucking hell, Mingi-ya. I thought you would have hung up by now, since I hadn’t.”

“No, we were really enjoying what we were hearing. Y/N makes some pretty fucking sounds. I hadn’t gotten to hear her yet. Kinda feeling left out, not gonna lie.”

“Maybe if you’re a good boy, Princess, Hongjoong will let you have your chance,” Yunho says in the background.

“God damn, Yeo! Ok, I gotta go. Y’all have given us a very horny Sangie, who currently has my dick down his throat.”

The line goes silent and Hongjoong’s attention returns to you.

“You didn’t think Mingi was going to get you out of this did you?”

“No, but I think you were about to remind me who I belonged to, Captain,” your voice smooth as velvet.

“Spread your legs. Now.” His voice is commanding but calm, and you do as you’re told. “I want you to look at me while you play with that pretty little pussy.”

You dip your fingers into your entrance to gather some of the mixture of cum and rub lazy circles against your clit, eyes locked on Hongjoong. He bites his lip and groans as he pumps his long, hard cock. Your breaths begin to pick up, and your moans and whimpers increase. Hongjoong moves to hover over you. He drinks in the sight of you. Cheeks flushed, mouth parted in pleasure, chest rising and falling in short bursts. “What pretty little noises you make for me. Let’s see how long I can hear them tonight. Don’t stop unless I tell you to, understand?” You give him a small nod.

He makes his way down in between your thighs and ghosts kisses up and down, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He bites down hard on your left inner thigh and suckles. The intensity makes you shriek and your legs shake and you can feel Hongjoong smile against you. “That’s it, let me hear you, Kitten.”

He doesn’t stop until your inner thighs are completely covered in perfect bite marks and various depths of purpling darkness. You’re a writhing mess between your own fingers and his expert mouth. The coil in your gut keeps winding tighter and tighter. “I love how you can’t control yourself when you’re about to cum. But I need you to cum on my tongue, baby.” He removes your hand from your aching nub and replaces it with his tongue.

“Fuuuck, right there, please. Don’t stop.” He nibbles your clit before fully taking it into his mouth, sucking on it like it’s the last thing he’ll ever taste. Your hands find purchase in his hair as your back arches off the bed, and your orgasm ripples through you like a freight train. He detaches himself from you, face covered in your arousal as he comes up to kiss you. You taste yourself on his tongue and you deepen the kiss.

“Tell Sannie and Wooyo who’s making you feel this good, Kitten,” he whispers against your lips.

“You, Captain. Fuck.” You wrap your legs around his waist, attempting to pull him closer, urging him to fuck you.

“Good girl. Let’s see how many more you can give me, shall we? I’m gonna make you cum so many times that you forget your own name. I may allow the others to enjoy you, but don’t you ever forget who this pussy belongs to, Kitten.”

“Please, Captain. I need you inside of me,” you beg.

He chuckles darkly as he untangles himself from your legs and goes to sit against the headboard.

“I bet you do, baby. But before I even think about giving you my cock, you’re gonna cum for me again. And the only way I’ll allow you to do that is by riding my thigh. Come take your place, pretty girl.”

You crawl on your knees over to him and situate yourself on one of his thick, strong thighs. You wrap your arms around his neck and rest your forehead against his shoulder as you grind yourself on his thigh, your wetness making the slide easy. He covers your neck in love bites, but that’s the only form of attention he’s giving you. “If you want it, you have to work for it, Kitten.”

You grind down harder, trying to find the right amount of friction to bring you to your climax. You whine and whimper into his neck as you struggle to get yourself there.

“Does my baby need help?” Hongjoong mocks.

“Please, Captain.”

“Maybe you should watch Sannie over there, fucking Youngie into the cushions, since you enjoyed them so much, hmm?” Wooyoung cries out from a rough thrust of San’s hips. You had long forgotten the others in the room as Hongjoong teased you, making him your sole focus.

“No, I need you. Please touch me,” your voice heavy with desperation as you continue your valiant effort to cum on your own, to no avail.

“You even remembered your manners. Such a good girl.” He flexes his thigh underneath you, the stimulation it causes is delicious. He rolls a nipple between his fingers of one hand, and chokes you with the other, making you head spin with pleasure.

“Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you chant. “I’m gonna c-.” Your sentence is cut short as Hongjoong removes the hand from your throat and shoves his thumb into your mouth, which you greedily suck.

“What was that, Kitten? I didn’t quite hear you.” Your legs clamp around his thigh as you cum all over it, and your mouth drops open, drool falling down your chin and Hongjoong’s delicate hand. “Making such a mess, baby.”

Before you can recover, he repositions you to lay over his lap on your back and pins one of your legs to his chest, leaving your pussy on full display. “I want Sannie and Wooyo to watch how well you take my fingers. If you’re a good girl for me, I’ll give you my cock next. How’s that sound?”

All you manage is a fucked out whine as he plays with your clit, and you can feel the eyes of the other two on your swollen, sensitive pussy, having clearly finished with whatever they were doing beforehand because Wooyoung is now relaxed on San’s lap.

Hongjoong shoves two fingers inside your abused hole, and curls them to play with your sweet spot. His fingers are fucking you at an unforgiving stride. You cling to his arm for dear life, leaving crescent shaped marks with your nails.

“T-too much, Joongie,” you mewl, wriggling in his grip.

“Take it for me, pretty girl.” He ignores the fact that you didn’t call him by his correct title, knowing there’s no thoughts left in your brain but his fingers deep inside you.

“You’re doing so good for Captain, sweetheart,” San praises. You groan as the wet sounds of Hongjoong playing with your pussy fill the room. If you had been in a proper state of mind, you might have been embarrassed. But Hongjoong is bringing you to yet another orgasm, and you’ve lost all sense of shame.

“Look at you, quivering around Joongie’s fingers. So pretty,” Wooyoung murmurs.

You’re panting heavily as tears begin to flow and Hongjoong can tell you’re close to cumming again. “You close, Kitten? Look at me. I want to watch that pretty face twisted in pleasure when you cum all over my fingers.”

You do your best to focus on Hongjoong as he massages your sweet spot. “Sannie and Youngie don’t make you feel this good, do they, baby?,” he purrs.

“Hnng, n-no, Captain. H-harder! Gonna cum!” your watery eyes focused on the man knuckles deep in your hole.

Wooyoung and San watch as your pussy contracts around Hongjoong’s fingers and you squirt and drench him and yourself. Hongjoong admires the blissed out expression on your face, knowing only he can make you this fucked out.

“So proud of you. You did so good. Have you had enough for tonight, Kitten?”

You sit up and shake your head and pout up at him, stroking his neglected cock. You’re three climaxes in just from Hongjoong, and Hongjoong hasn’t cum for you once. If you’re being honest, you’re a bit offended, even though you know his intention was to focus on you and your pleasure. “You promised me your cock if I was good, Captain. You came for Wooyo and Sannie. But not for me. I’ve been good and you said you would give it to me!”

An exasperated sigh leaves Hongjoong’s lips as his eyes grow dark. “You really just want to be fucked full of everyone’s cum tonight, hmm Kitten? How hard do you want it?”

“Ruin me, Captain. Please?”

“Fuck.”

He pins you down to the bed and manhandles you into a mating press, plunging his dick into your waiting pussy. “You wanted me to ruin you baby, so you’re gonna lay here and take every inch of my cock.”

He thrusts into you with an unyielding force, the sound of skin meeting skin deafening in the room. A loud, long moan leaves from your parted lips. “That’s it, Kitten. Moan for me, just like that.” He pants into your plush thigh, placing tender kisses, quite the opposite of his strokes.

“Fuck, you feel so good, Captain.”

He leans in to capture your lips, a mix of tongue, teeth, and spit exchanged between the two of you. You suck on his pierced lip to encourage him to make those desperate sounds you love so much. The jewelry of his pretty dick drags along your walls so nicely, it makes you gasp. He bites your neck and sucks a mark, darker than all the others you’ve received tonight.

“Mine,” he growls. “And I’m gonna make sure everyone fucking knows it.”

“Yes, Captain, yours.”

His pounding pace has gotten even more unforgiving and you feel yourself barreling towards another blinding release. Hongjoong’s teeth find every inch of skin he can reach and bites hard enough that he knows it will leave bruises for the others to see.

“Joongie, I can feel you throbbing inside of me. Fuck me full? Please? Cum for me?” you whine at him.

“If you want my cum, you’re gonna have to cum first and drain it from me. Squeeze my cock, baby.”

Your pussy hugs him tighter, and the pleasure intensifies even more than you could imagine. “Fuuuuck,” you groan as you take one of his hands and place it around your throat, silently pleading him to squeeze. He follows your silent request and your back arches and your eyes roll in the back of your head, tears falling from them simultaneously. Your mouth drops open and drool leaks from the corners, as you let out as loud of a scream as you can manage.

Hongjoong slides in and out of your pulsing pussy a few more times, before he reaches his own release and stills inside of you. “Goddamnit, Kitten. That’s it, take every last drop. My good girl deserves it.”

He brings you close to him as he collapses next to you, not yet wanting to pull out. He gives your lips delicate, unhurried kisses as you both catch your breath. San and Wooyoung make their way to the bed to join in on the cuddling. Wooyoung hugs you from behind and snuggles into you, and San behind Hongjoong.

“You all did so well. Especially you, Y/N,” San praises. “Is everyone satiated now?” Some form of approval is announced by everyone. “Good. I really enjoyed tonight. I know Y/N probably can’t even move right now, but we’ve got to get cleaned up. We’re a fucking mess.”

He slips out from behind Hongjoong and he makes a disapproving sound at the loss of warmth.

“I’m just going to go run us a bath, Joongie. I’ll be right back,” San reassures as he pats Hongjoong’s head.

San heads towards the on suite bathroom and you hear the water running. Hongjoong plants another kiss to your lips before he goes to leave as well. “Stay here and cuddle with Youngie, baby. I’ll be right back.” You manage a small nod as he pushes himself up and off the bed and finds his boxers in the pile of forgotten clothes. Wooyoung nuzzles your neck and squeezes you tighter.

Before you can drift off, San renters the room. He kneels at your side and scoops you up. “I’ll be right back for you, Youngie. Ok, baby?”

“Mmm, yes Sannie.”

San carries your spent body to the bathroom and gently places you in the tub. The warm water and soothing scent of the candles San lit instantly relaxes your aching body, and you rest against the wall of the tub. “I’ll be right back, pretty. I’m gonna go get Youngie.” You hum as your eyes struggle to stay open.

As promised, San returns with Wooyoung and sets him in the bath in front of you, and you cling to him, pulling him to rest against you. San leaves again, letting you both know he’ll return shortly.

“So that was definitely something,” Wooyoung murmurs to you.

“It was amazing,” you respond.

“I never knew you could cum so much, Y/N. All those other men you’ve brought over must have been trash.” You cackle at his bluntness and scratch your fingertips against his scalp. “Hmmm, that feels nice.”

San meets Hongjoong back in the room where Hongjoong has prepared a snacking board of different items and drinks for everyone.

“They’re settled in the tub, probably waiting for us to return. I’m going to change the sheets and toss the others in the wash,” San informs Hongjoong as he sets everything down onto the nightstand.

“Ok, I’ll go keep an eye on them. They’re probably plotting their next scheme against us,” Hongjoong jokes.

“We can only hope, huh?” San gives Hongjoong a dimpled smile.

“Thanks for taking care of all of us tonight, Sannie.”

“Hey, you took care of everyone too, ya know.”

“We make a pretty good team, I’d have to say,” Hongjoong says definitively.

“We sure do. I’ll join you all in a few. Go take care of our babies in the meantime.”

Hongjoong walks in to see you and Wooyoung talking and giggling with each other. He drops his boxers and inserts himself behind you in the water. “How are you doing, my loves?” He scoots you and Wooyoung closer to him.

“You walked in on our next plan to overtake you and San,” you pout.

He chuckles at you as he relays the conversation he just had with San back in the bedroom. Just then, San enters the bathroom and slides in on the opposite end of the three of you. In this moment, you’re thankful for the abnormally large tub that can easily accommodate the four of you.

“Youngie, come here baby,” San beckons Wooyoung over to him. He makes his way to San and settles in his lap. “What was going on in here, huh?”

“I told you they were plotting our demise!” Hongjoong says and he and San share a laugh.

“I can guarantee you that Hongjoong and I will easily foil those plans!”

You all spend time talking about tonight’s events and potential future plans, Hongjoong and San smothering you and Wooyoung with affection. The water is now lukewarm and San is the first to hop out. He slings a towel around his waist and Hongjoong follows. Hongjoong helps you out of the tub, now that your legs are more stable, and dries you off. He helps you into your favorite fluffy robe as San tends to Wooyoung.

The four of you throw on something light to sleep in and flop onto the clean sheets, and Hongjoong grabs the platter from the nightstand and sets it in between the circle that has been created. Hongjoong grabs a piece of fruit and brings it to your lips.

“Eat, baby,” his voice gentle, yet commanding. You open your mouth so he can feed it to you, and you playfully bite his fingers.

“Yah! Don’t bite!” he exclaims and the whole room erupts into laughter.

“Says you! Look at me!”

“They look pretty on you though,” he says with a smirk.

As the plate clears, and the drinks are empty, everyone begins to entangle themselves and curl into a pile of limbs. As comfortable silence falls upon the group, Hongjoong’s phone rings again. He reaches for it and answers it on speaker.

“Hey, Mingi-ya. What’s up?”

“So umm, when do we get a chance with Y/N?”

[nevermorgue]

I'd love to hear your headcanons with Ada and Annabel and Ada and Wil. Their relationships interests me, and I'm curious what you have in mind with roommates, and two people who find admiration in the same guy. (Hopefully two in the same ask is okay--)

Okay, you’re so right. I do love both of those dynamics a lot. And of course I’ll do two, I love these

Ada and Annabel

- It’s complicated. Annabel finds her irritating, but she wouldn’t wish for anything bad to happen to her. Ada envies Annabel terribly, but admires and respects her greatly.

- Ada keeps begging Annabel to help her try the rag curl method out, but Annabel is trying to drag it out because she knows it won’t work with Ada’s hair type.

- Annabel hates how Ada tries to flaunt her ‘friendship’ around like an object. It’s how she was treated when she was alive; pretty object.

- Annabel had to resist every urge to roll her eyes when Ada told her she could ‘have Prospero to herself now’ once she got with Montresor.

- Ada tried to take her tea the way Annabel does but it was far too bitter. She sneaks sugar in when nobody is looking.

- Ada loves walking with her in the garden, pointing out flowers that ‘her darling would definitely pick for her’. Annabel is so tired of it, but she puts on a smile and goes along with it.

- Annabel has woken up to Ada hyperventilating/crying. She usually pretends to stay asleep, but on one occasion she actually sits up and offers comfort. Ada refuses to tell her what is upsetting her, wiping her eyes and insisting a lady would not react like this. Annabel says nothing to that.

Ada and Will

- cannot get along. They’re too similar, and they both hate it.

- Will is passive to literally everyone but her in canon. He talks back to her all the time. I think he sees her on his level of pathetic.

- They will tell the other that Montresor doesn’t care about them, even though they both know deep deep down that it’s true on both ends

- Will is further in denial than Ada. Ada kinda knows what she’s doing + pursues Montresor in a time of vulnerability. She wants to like…see someone as messed up as she is. Meanwhile, Will is just desperate for someone to call a friend.

- Ada finds out that he writes and insists that she is made into a character. So he makes a very ugly, evil hag.

- She tried to use ‘Fear Itself’ on him and couldn’t find one thing. It kept changing, as if his brain couldn’t decide what was worse.

- She was genuinely uncomfortable seeing him wear her face for the first time. It was too accurate. It made her wonder how often he’s watched her to be able to do that.

- Ada laughs in his face and jokingly says he probably turns into her to pretend that he gets Monty’s romantic attention too…and he can’t even deny it.

- They have a big fight after that. Ada always hits harder.

- They really cannot even sit in a room together alone without arguing unless someone is supervising them.

- Will remembers when she complimented her eyes. One day they’re just existing in the same room and he just quietly goes, “…did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“When you said my eyes were nice.”

And then Ada is confused- when did she say that? When she remembers, she ends up speaking without a filter.

“Duh, gray is a rarity for eyes you know.”

And that’s the only time they can ever truly speak to one another because Montresor is such a heavy blanket over them both that he’s the factor that keeps them from forming any sort of bond.

[afreakingdork]

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Moonshine - Chapter 13

RotTMNT x Reader

I'm not gonna lie, I'm obsessed with this week's chapter art by @birdsnout I MEAN LOOK AT THEM

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Michelangelo (TMNT)/Reader, Michelangelo (TMNT)/You, Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Donatello (TMNT)/You

Warnings: POV Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Anxious Reader, Introverted Reader, Stuttering, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Unrequited Love, Rejection, Aromantic Asexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Bisexual Donatello (TMNT), Pansexual Leonardo (TMNT), Lesbian Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Demisexual April O'Neil (TMNT), Implied Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit/April O'Neil/Sunita, Endgame Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Romantic Love, Platonic Love, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, Happy Ending, Fluff

Synopsis:  You’ve lost most of your life to anxiety and fear. Now, in your late 20s, you are desperate to reclaim it and during one such outing you encounter the sun personified. With his and his similarly celestially inspired family, will you finally reach your goal or will you lose yourself along the way?

Also available on Ao3

First 💛 Previous

Trigger Warning: The following chapter contains a depiction of assault. There are mentions of bloody injury, a knife, and needles. Please be aware and keep yourselves safe.

You were getting closer to Mikey. It was a day by day evolution and something you deeply enjoyed. He’d given you so much and yet continued to enrich your life. In some ways you thought you’d never be able to repay him and in others you were crushed by crippling guilt because of all the ways your relationship flower bed blossomed from Mikey’s tending sun, there was also an incessant weed that grew back every time you picked it: your damned crush on Donnie. 

Your budding feelings were painfully incessant. Upon first glance you thought they would only be one-sided, but it was hard to deny how Donnie acted. While his exact words had been about how he thought your touch was inoffensive, he also clearly found you interesting. Though there had been no more larger encounters, it felt like you had an inside joke with the purple brother. You had since sought each other’s eyes during dozens conversations with others and much was said with singular looks. It was an obvious form of flirting that percolated the cauldron in your chest and sent you in a completely different direction. 

Instead of dealing with one aggravation, you prepared for another. The mess of it all was it was occurring simultaneously. The talk with Donatello at the ice rink had reinforced your fleeting feelings for him. It had also opened up new territory with Mikey. Not because you sat with him after his concussion, but because you’d learned more about the Hamato’s trauma regarding the Krang. For Leo and Raph the sparse information you had learned felt more like peaks into the others psyche, but with Mikey it felt like betrayal. Mikey’s story was his own and he seemingly had already shared all he wanted on the matter regarding his tremors. You finding out more detail about it from someone that wasn’t him was prying in your eyes. Though you knew it was a form of procrastination on your crush, you had to relieve at least one guilt from your conscience or you weren’t going to make it.

You relied on your growing faith in your friend. While it had come at clawing expense, you felt as though there was enough trust built between you and Mikey that you could approach the topic without destroying your friendship. It spoke both to his actions and your growth. You were still timid so it was one afternoon during the lull of a hangout that you asked Mikey about the Krang. With a faraway smile, he shared his experience. 

His version came with far more detail than Donnie’s. They were different lenses on the same event and Mikey spared no expense. The time on the ship was one thing, but your friend’s journey began from when he ripped through reality. He spoke of lengthy bouts of depression with a contrasting lightheartedness that would have been a red flag if said by anyone other than him. In his eyes, struggle was a stepping stone in one’s path. He was shaped by it and many other trials, which he expounded on in his carefree manner.

You were left sick with sympathy pain and thanked him. He’d bumped shoulders with you, an act he was preferring more and more, and said it was nice to talk about it with someone who wasn’t ready to jump over the table to help him like he was still an invalid. You paled at the thought and he disarmed your anxiety by saying you took knowledge of his trauma better than you did trying to talk to a waitress. You sported puffed cheeks as he teased you about your faint heart and with that you understood a very large piece of Mikey’s past.

You loved him.

It was a revelation that hadn’t come from that conversation, but one of the next. Things were never so linear when it came to Michelangelo. You selfishly asking about the Krang had marked a paradigm shift. By asking him to divulge, you had inadvertently signaled Mikey of your growing strength and feelings of safety with him. He took your questioning as a step in both your solemn and combined journeys and with it he pressed for more.  

He asked you out to a bar which Mikey had categorized as a level five event. Akining it to a hurricane, it marked one of the first times that he promised he wasn’t going to leave your side and you believed him. He had never cared to chart or graph your progress and instead chose the liminal space of feeling out when you were ready to push your anxieties. He’d turned to you with severity and said it was time to crank it up a notch. You would meet up for drinks on the peak hours on a Friday and you would have one week to prepare.

It was marked by further milestones. You and Mikey went out the preceding Sunday morning to pick out new outfits. Mikey invited you over to his workplace after hours on a Tuesday so you could meet the sommelier who used to be a bartender and discussed drink options. You asked to meet for lunch on Thursday at a place just down the street from the bar and Mikey had cordially walked you by the closed business more than once to scope it out. It was all little steps to help you prepare for the onslaught.

When it came, it was as expected. It was loud. People jockeyed for the bartender’s attention. You couldn’t believe how the employees could not only keep track of drinks and tabs, but also make anything from a menu that didn’t seem to exist without so much as a recipe. Meanwhile, you could barely remember what drink you had pre-planned to get.

Mikey acted as a tacky barrier, but he could only shield so much of you. Patrons bumped you and you hung your head trying to block out the booming music while a cacophony of voices threatened to swallow you up. Eyes unfocused as the bartender asked you a second time for your drink order, you heard Mikey say the first syllable of it before you squeaked it out. The employee was off and you shrank, wanting to hide beneath the sticky wooden surface of the bar.

There was a bathroom here somewhere.

That might be a good hovel.

Or better yet, you could dive into the dumpster out back.

That was where you belonged.

Mikey had slipped an arm around you to grab the bar without fear of what reside it would leave on his hands. He kept the threading near your body modest and left space for you to freely turn. It brought your gaze up to him where he smiled genially and gestured to the counter. Looking there, two drinks sat, his and yours, and he picked his up to toast. You slipped yours from the dainty napkin it was sat upon and he tipped his glass with a smile.

“I’m proud of you.”

He’d clinked to that and you nearly sobbed on the spot.

Heart swelling to a painful degree, it was the moment you realized the depth of your love. Immediately struck with fear by it, you’d chugged half your drink and then soured. He laughed and his arm jostled you as a connection point through which you could feel every bit of his happiness. You thought his joy might overwhelm you, but you found yourself inoculated. You had spent months adjusting to his light and now you could take a straight shot of liquid sunshine as if it were courage.

From setting your glass back down on its square throne, you had the berth to examine. It might not have been the love he wanted, but it was one you relished in. It carried with it trust and faith. You had once worshiped the sun and you weren’t sure when that point that had shifted. You still considered Mikey benevolent, as you imagined you always would, but it was clear now that he was also someone tangible. He wasn’t millions of miles away and hung in the sky. He was your dear friend and he had journeyed the distance to meet you.

This was a culmination.

You loved him. 

He was still authentically him, but he could better use his attention. You didn’t have to fight for him to look at you and when you needed him, asking no longer felt like groveling. He would probably still flitter off for whatever caught his fancy, but it now felt like a touch to his arm would bring him back no matter what.

That was an assured love.

Something reciprocated.

It was love that was heralded.

It was what the Greeks described as philia.

Deep friendship. 

He was your best friend and you were going to hurt him.

You’d sipped your drink and numbly talked about this and that for the rest of the evening. When you emerged from the bar, Mikey gave a puff of air. He’d heaved and put his hands on his knees as if he’d given some huge exertion and then turned to you as if waiting for you to do the same.

You felt oddly okay.

You were going to break your friend’s heart and you felt emotionally afloat. 

The quiet of the night enhanced his radiance and he approached you with curiosity.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t been a lie.

Why did you feel alright?

By all accounts, you should have been miserable.

You waited for the negative thoughts to emerge.

They didn’t.

Weeks went by and the current of your comfort held steady.

You had love.

You had improvement.

You had happiness.

It was fine.

On all accounts, you were exactly where you needed to be minus one invasive species in your heart.

You were painfully aware of the cause, but refused to give it time.

You missed Donnie.

Those little glances might have been precious slivers of stolen time, but they were just that. You hadn’t been able to truly speak to him since the night at the diner. It felt so far away now. You had shared a lifetime worth of words and your regret was that you hadn’t thinned them out. It made you think about a phrase regarding hearts growing fonder, but that felt moronic. The saying was supposed to mean that time apart illuminated what someone took for granted.

You never took Donnie for granted.

Moments with him were known and brief. Time apart was a given and in it all you found was a war waged on your imagination. You refused to give into daydreams. You had let your imagination run wild long enough. The reason you had started going out was because you were sick of your brain’s excuses. You’d lost your twenties to hope and it was only with the last of them that you were rectifying the situation. Dreams were fine when you were driven toward a positive goal. You were making trip plans with Mikey; those were tangible hopes.

Those made sense.

It was only in that way that Donnie didn’t. What you knew about Donnie was always in close contrast to Mikey. Where you and Mikey had to flounder around each other, things came too easily with Donnie. Being around the older brother was as simple as breathing and there was something foreboding about that. Nothing in this life came like that to you. Mikey and you fought for your friendship and it had gotten you to this place.

It was wonderful.

It was earned.

Mikey had to be removed from the equation time and time again just for Donnie to ever have time for you.

That spoke of something sinister. Not in an evil sense, but of a kind of ancient warning. It wasn’t the same for the other brothers. Leo would join in when he felt like it and you could easily talk to him without discounting your friend. Raph could probably lift you as high as his huge reach allowed and there would be little distance between you and the youngest. The girls were always in a rambunctious tizzy, but none of it took you away from Mikey.

Donnie took up space.

He zapped your attention and caused it to collapse.

You’d almost think he was the one with the spatial powers.

Being around him slowed everything down to just him.

He was distracting.

He was attentive.

He was interesting.

That was allure talking. It was the bitter hand of emotion trying to deviate from logic. Those things made sense because whimsy said they did. This was the one instance where that little worried voice in your head was just. It spoke of ill tidings that you knew to be true. It said this would lead to ruin and you knew it would. It said that tiny pockets of pleasure were drug hits and Donnie was a supplier.

Quitting him was the right choice, you just needed to convince your heart.

Mikey was busy and you had been thinking too much without your best friend’s distraction. Where the younger’s absence revealed the older, the former was also your only tie to him. It marked a strange double standard that frustrated you because there was no helping it. Instead, you tried to focus on yourself while the Hamato were busy. A Junior you had heard whispers about was in town and Mikey had impressed upon you what a big deal that was. He was an illustrious figure among the Hamato lexicon and someone you had learned about during Mikey’s history lesson about the Krang. 

There you had been granted the knowledge that Junior was a time traveler. It had been a dizzying enough tale without the dubious additive, but that in and of itself represented the Hamato. It was a precious secret and because of that, you kept quiet as, no matter what happened, a part of you would always feel unworthy of knowing them. The best you could do to make up for that was being dutiful, so you took the task along with your safest method of spending your time: hiding away at home.  

The Hamato had plans for vicious catch up with energy levels that you could barely fathom. They hadn’t bothered to invite you and you hadn’t felt slighted. Instead, it spoke to how much they adored Junior because of how ruthless they were. Blood was apparently spilled while drawing straws in an attempt to divvy up Junior’s time in town. Every member wanted to spend their own special time with him and you were moved by how loved this technically displaced man was. You bet it made him feel appropriately wanted so you didn’t mind in the slightest when Mikey had said he’d be unavailable for a bit.

Outside of silly intrusive thoughts, you had a backlog of TV shows that you were pretty excited to tuck into. Being busy with friends was fun, but in some ways you missed the freedom of your hiding. It almost seemed like a staycation outside of work. Buying groceries that reflected fun, you had just gotten settled on your couch for your third night in a row of tame debauchery when your phone rang. Terror ran through you as you dug through your blanket for the device only to see Mikey’s name run across the screen.

Not fully returning to relaxation, worry shifted into fear’s place as you answered. “H-hello…?”

“Y/N!” Mikey laughed and voices battled in the background. “Stop! Stop! Y/N picked up!”

“Uh…” Your voice wobbled.

“Sorry!” You could hear a crackle as Mikey presumably moved. “I forgot something super important!”

“Y-yeah?” You pulled your phone away from your face to check your notes app in case you knew what it was.

“The future test!!” Mikey’s voice clipped.

“The…” You watched your phone time out in your hand. “W-what?”

“The future test!” Mikey parroted at a lower volume. “All new peeps have to go through it! I can’t believe I forgot!”

“Peeps…?”

“You know! That’s like friends, lovers, con-fee-dants, prospects, that one time with the contractor!” You could almost see Mikey trying to count it off. “Everyone who sticks around has to do it!”

“M-Mikey… I don’t…”

“You don’t…? You don’t know what the future test is! Duh!” He laughed heartily and then his voice came in a little too close to the receiver. “Junior is from the future, right? He’s knows the plug on all our futures, but refuses to spill. He says this mumbo jumbo about different timelines and how it could change things or the circumstances, blah, blah! The thing is, he’s got tells and we’ve totally sussed them out. That means we can’t know what he knows, but we can throw our new people in front of him to see if he knows them! Great, right?!”

You quieted and brought a thumb to the plump of your bottom lip.

Churning the information, you heard Mikey muffle as he talked to someone just off the receiver.

He was giving you processing space and you sorted through until you cleared your throat a little. “Your… No… Um… You w-want me to… meet Junior to see if… me and you, um, know each other… in the future? Or Knew…? Knew each other then? In that… timeline?”

“Exactly.” Mikey’s voice flowed with pride.

You smiled to yourself.

“So yeah, sounds like you’re in. What do you say we meet in like, what do you need? Twenty minutes?”

“What!?” You slammed the phone back to your ear. “Mi-minutes!?”

“Oh, sorry. Thirty? We’re about to hit the arcade. I’m sending the deets… Now!”

Your phone gave a weak vibration and a text preview appeared with an address at the top of the screen. “M-Mikey!”

“Tomorrow we’re going up to the cabin! It has to be tonight! Everyone else has Junior  booked!” Mikey whined and you could see him pleading. “Please!” 

This time you pinched your lip so hard you thought it might crack.

“I know short notice isn’t great for you. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“My… my name…wasn’t enough?”

“No…” Mikey gave an understanding sigh. “He was just a kid. Didn’t always catch ‘em. He’s good with faces though…”

You gave a weary whine. “How… how f-far away did you say you… thought I was… from spontaneous outings…?”

Mikey chuckled. “Gotta be like six months at least! You are nowhere near ready enough!”

You sighed with a bitter chuckle. “Then I guess this really is important…” 

“It really is.” 

“I guess… I could… test drive…?”

“You don’t even have your license.” Mikey clicked his tongue.

“S-says the a-accident guy…!”

Mikey laughed.

You tapped the pin he’d dropped. “It’s… at least… f-fourty with traffic…”

“Take a cab, I’ll pay.”

“T-that’s-!”

“I’m calling last minute! I’m asking too much! I just got paid!” He sang. “I’m blowing it all! Big money!”

“O-okay…” You could tell he wouldn’t be moved. “I’ll t-text you when… I’m close?”

“Yes!” Mikey paused for a building. “Yes!! Great! See you soon!!”

You hummed an agreement and watched him hang up. Sitting in stasis for a moment because your whole evening was about to change, you let out a loud groan before rushing to get ready. Your heart rate stayed infernally elevated as you went on to fail at hailing four cabs, caught the fifth, and then sat in agonizing silence with a driver who kept flicking what looked like a glare at you through the rearview.

Tucking yourself as close to the door and wondering how to best keep your limbs when jumping out of a moving vehicle, city lights passed until your maps said you were close enough to text Mikey. Shooting out your imminent arrival along with the exact time table, you spied him on the street, waving frantically, as the cab pulled up to him.

“I got a fare, pal!” The driver rolled down the window.

“Yeah, for me! I’m paying!” Mikey waved a wad of cash.

“This you?” The man’s heavy brows glowered at you through the little mirror.

You squeaked and gave a furious nod.

“Thought you’d puke. Get out before you do.” The cabbie told you. 

Bobbing with confusion as that was why he’d been watching, you scurried out as Mikey paid the man.

“Let’s go!!” Mikey quickly got behind you to steer your shoulders.

“A-ah!” Your voice warbled as you shot through two sets of doors and the boisterous drone of dozens of arcade games filled your ears. A crack of a distant bowling alley came along next with prehensile chatter of bystanders. Not packed, but dotted with people, Mikey led you to where the others were gathered around a machine that loaded cards with points to play games.

“Everyone back off!” Mikey snapped once and jumped in front of you to act as a shield.

In your periphery you noted it was just the boys for this outing. They peacefully bowed their heads and backed up to reveal a man with a shock of black hair who still had his card in the machine.

“Almost…” The man held anticipation. “… got it! All by myself! Told you!” He turned and you caught a sliver of an adorable gap shining in his smile and a freshly loaded card in his hand before they both fell. “Not this again…”

“Future test!!!” Leo whooped.

“Mikey…” Junior sighed. “I keep telling you. All of you.” He did a quick sweep that the other’s dodged. “Me knowing someone is not an indication of who you will, should, or don’t end up with! My timeline was different! It changed!”

“Don’t care. Future test.” Mikey bobbed excitedly. “Ready?”

“No, but yes.” Junior shook his head knowing he too also wasn’t a match for Mikey’s determination.

You understood that well. 

The others watched on with curious eyes and Mikey stood straighter. He then swished his arms to the side. “Presenting…!”

You did a nervous jog in place.

“Y/N!” Mikey stepped away and you got a good look at the man that had to be around your age, if not a bit older.

You blinked at him once and brought your hand up from your hip in a tiny wave. “H-hello… N-nice to meet… you?”

Junior stared at your face, blinked a few times, and then did a single up and down.

Your lips crinkled as you waited.

Leo was the first to loudly groan and do a lap.

“Nice to meet you.” Junior held out his hand and his grin returned. “I’m Cassandra Jones Junior.”

You shook it. “Y/N… as Mikey said… I’ve, um, heard a lot about you…”

Mikey slid up to Junior’s side and interrupted his response. “Okay that looked like a fail, but you sure you haven't been practicing your poker face?”

“Poker?” Junior sneered. “I haven’t played since someone conned me out of all that money…” He sent a glare at Donnie who whistled his way behind Raph.

Mikey gave into a drop in his features for only a second before bouncing back and hopping towards the others. “Fine, fine!”

“C-Cassandra…?” You asked as the turtles huddled up to discuss.

“Oh, I thought you said…” Junior looked at you with surprise. “They told me you know this version of my mom… Was that not…?” 

“No…” You held up your hands. “I d-do! T-that’s not… It’s well… h-hard to s-see her with a kid..? Th-that sounds bad! I’m sorry!”

Junior took in your worries with a minor gawk and then waved you down. “No, no. I get it! You know she says she won’t bother having another because she wouldn’t be able to match my superior genes?”

You bobbed. “T-that… that’s f-flattering… from her…”

“Yeah, but also weird!” His arms dangled forward as he slumped. “She thinks I’m a powerful warrior because I was an apocalypse baby. I survived just like anyone else! It’s not like I was a super powered!”

“Ah…” You nodded to him and in the corner of your eye you saw the turtles break apart with jokingly bitter words. “You… had them…” 

Junior checked your eye line and then gave you a warm smile. “Exactly. I had the best senseis and masters you can have at the end of the world. You get it. That’s pretty cool.”

You turned to him in question.

“They tend to attract… Not like the same people as them, but…?”

Picturing the girls, you pursed your lip with understanding.

“The word ‘normal’ has been a tough one for me. I don’t like using it. Normal’s different all around the world.” Junior faced you openly. “I’ve been all over, but here… with them? Even though they aren’t… my them?”

“You feel… safe?” You leaned in a little.

Junior gave glowing embers before he burst into a fierce smile. “Exactly!”

“No new developments. Final conclusion is Y/N is an unknown.” Donnie eyed Junior with his goggles one last time before a flick tossed them back onto his head. “May I?”

Junior stepped out of the way so Donnie could fill his card.

“W-where… did… um… you just… get back from?” You asked, moving with Junior.

“Yemen!” Junior lit up and launched into talk about the humanitarian work he did.

You listened with rapt attention as he stumbled around an untidy timeline. Since Junior had never seen the world whole, he decided to go out to make the most of this one. It took him on a globetrotting adventure where he saw the best and worst of humanity. His passion and strong spirit then led him to aid efforts. Since he knew everything there was to know about survival, he quickly became integral in teaching his ways and being pulled to the harshest corners where he could held those in need. He found his work fulfilling and only seemed a little put out that he couldn’t come back to New York often.

The turtles got their cards situated and Raph pardoned an interruption to call the night a go. Junior apologized saying he would pick up the talk later and he and Leo quickly split for some fighting games with words about a previously interrupted competition. Donnie pointed Raph towards a rhythm game which the oldest told him he’d beat him like a boss at and you were left alone with Mikey.

“O-oh…” You looked around in the different directions everyone had gone. 

“Ah… Yeah, I forgot about this part…” Mikey swept a stray lock from his face. “This night’s been confusing and random for everyone, me included.” 

You waited for him to expand.

“I didn’t expect to drag you out, for one!” He lifted a hand up in demonstration. “The whole future test. The bets on the future test. Getting you to the future test. It was very future test related.” 

“It… didn’t look like it… worked?” You offered, unsure if the talk the guys were having was about split results.

“No…” Mikey looked off toward where Leo and Junior had gone. “Leo’s got the best eye for it. If he tapped out saying Junior doesn’t know you then that’s that. Not everyone has the same faith though so we met up to study Don’s goggle footage and deliberated. Nobody saw any tells, so Junior doesn’t know you…” 

You nodded, feeling a little guilty even though there was no way you had any influence over any of this. 

“Anyway! Enough about that! You’re here now! So, our whole arcade bit is: split up! We like too many different things and staff always ends up asking us to separate when we get stuck in one place too long, damages or whatever. We do… regroup at the end though! We try to pool our ticket points and see if a prize is worth it, one of the few things we sometimes can agree on, and that’s pretty much it!”

“Oh…” You shrank and tried to calculate how you were going to go about getting a game card.

Mikey held one up as casually as he could muster.

He looked like he was offering you a cigarette.

You giggled as you took it. “Mikey-”

“Consider it a thanks for coming out last minute.”

You nodded. “I’m g-getting a lot of those…” 

“It was a big ask! Stop!” He jeered. 

You feigned looking away as if you couldn’t help it. 

You both shared a laugh and then Mikey rocked on his heels while you waited for him to dictate a game he surely had in mind. 

He stopped while hunched forward and examined you long enough to realize you were waiting on him. 

“So, uh…” Mikey’s eyes flicked towards some cabinets with a grimace. “I guess maybe this is the part where the thanks stop…? Usually I’d be my best attendant self ever, but I have an IC card for Time Crisis and I’m beating it this time for sure!”

You stared.

Mikey sat still until he blinked with recognition. “And… I’m realizing you don’t know what any of that is.” 

You shook your head dutifully. 

“Man, Japanese gamemakers are on another level. Not greedy like Americans… well mostly, huh. It is and both isn’t a coin eating game. An IC card is like a paper memory card that saves your progress! You can jump back in where you left off without having to play the whole game again.” Mikey showed you his slip. 

You reviewed it genially. 

“I kinda had a whole plan to finally beat the game, which you can totally watch, but you might get bored so don’t feel like you’re stuck with me.” Mikey threw a thumb back where you assumed the cabinet was. 

“O-oh…” Your gaze lowered.

It wasn’t like you’d been able to prepare for much past getting here. 

You also guessed you had drummed up a little hope in that cab that you’d soon be playing games with your best friend. 

“I-I’m sorry!” He ducked his head to catch your eye. “This is how it is with us! We had an arcade in the lair for the longest time, so it’s like second nature. We don’t even think about it. I mean, this could be good though! Are there any games you want to play? You can scout! After I beat mine, I can come find you! I’m your bestest game buddy as soon as I’m done.”

You glanced at the space and didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never actually braved an arcade alone before.

“Or…!” Mikey leaned in. “Wandering around without a goal might be too much now that I’m thinking about it… Come with me and we’ll set a timer! Framework! Instead of being aimless, you’ll have a goal. When time’s up, you go find one of the guys! Do another timer and feel out the next. You can see the arcade with purpose. How’s that?”

“I guess… that works…” You reminded yourself Donnie was with Raph.

“Great! C’mon!” Mikey caught your hand and you were soon running through the twinkling lights. Winding through machines with learned ease, you were flung through the sensory cacophony. There were too many cabinets and you got little information off them before Mikey came to a halt and you crashed into him. “Woah!”

He righted you and gestured to one machine in particular. “Time Crisis!”

You stared at the distinct red and yellow pattern.

He went on to explain the plot he’d played through as he swiped his game card. He maneuvered screens without looking and the machine ate up his IC card when prompted. You stood by as his speech tapered off and he became engrossed in firing a little plastic gun. For a while you watched him, forgetting about the timer, and instead admired his aim. That went on until the action became a certain type of repetitive and your eye wandered to the surrounding cabinets. There were all kinds from newer ones geared towards kids to imports that had little to no English. Just as you were rounding from your search, a loud thwack startled you. It sounded distinct from other beeping noises and you tilted your head. You wondered what it could be paired with when you heard Mikey groan.

You returned to find he’d lost and was reloading a life. “How ya doing?”

“A-alright…!”

He flicked you a knowing look before getting back to the game. “I’m remembering we forgot to set that  timer.” 

You lowered your head in shame. 

“You could start one now…” His voice pitched with a teasing edge. 

He knew you were losing interest. 

He was going to make you say it. 

“I… I’m going to…” You tried. 

“Fighting cabinets are toward the UFO Catchers and to the right of the prize counter. Can’t miss them.”

Having a map soothed you. “Thank you…”

“Have fun!” He fired off a few shots.

You parted with more appreciation before hearing him yell after you.

“Try the first game that catches your eye!”

They all did so how were you supposed to choose?

Setting that aside, you instead focused on following your scant instructions.

Walking a mostly straight line, you came to row after row of claw games and passed through them with a wandering eye. A few toys looked cute, but the rigged nature of the game kept you from trying one. For now, you passed them up and looked up the prize kiosk before turning the appropriate right. A straight line revealed dozens of cabinets with little stools and Junior and Leo sat side by side among them.

“Get good!” Leo elbowed Junior.

“You’re mad cause I’ve beaten you three times in a row!” Junior dodged and spoke through his bitten tongue.

“You’re cheating cause you have an arcade stick at home!”

“I have five and can’t even use them here!”

“But you get practice in your down time! Online play! Blech!” Leo blew a raspberry and went ham on smashing some buttons.

“H-hey!” Junior huffed having been distracted.

Keeping a certain distance, you watched and saw that, even though they were at different booths, they were clearing playing against each other.

“Hey, Y/N!” Leo responded without ever having looked.

You jolted.

“Wanna play me after?” Leo tossed. 

“You play winners!” Junior mocked.

“Loser says what?”

Junior sat in studious silence which caused Leo to get just annoyed enough that he turned to glare.

The game made a loud noise and when Leo returned he cursed.

“Guess you’re playing me!” Junior spun in his stool with that flaming smile.

Your hands went up and your game card flickered between your fingers. “O-oh… I-I h-haven’t…!”

“You just mash the buttons. Newbies sometimes win cause of it!” Leo hopped one seat over and offered you his. “One time won’t hurt.”

You nervously looked between the pair's encouragement and sat down.

“First you pick a character…” Junior and Leo walked you through the process.

Junior then held back as Leo showed you some of the more minute controls. You got in a few hits before the game started up. Much slower than what you had glimpsed from the previous pair, Junior still won, but Leo urged you to go again. You played about five rounds before the tittering excitement made your hands start to shake.

“Tag in!” Leo tapped a nervous digit and you evacuated his seat. “Where you headed next?”

Opting to stand behind them, you stared at the back of Leo’s head.

“You’re scoping the joint out, right? You’re a total deer caught in headlights.”

You shifted. “T-that… obvious?”

“Only cause you look like this guy.” Leo tipped his head toward Junior. “We still surprise him with stuff now and then.”

“I’ve experienced things you can’t even imagine.” Junior’s smile flickered as he played.

“Yeah, yeah, but New York will always have that n'est pas!”

“Je ne sais quoi.” Junior pressed the vowels mockingly. 

“Wah! I was a baby of the apocalypse! Get new material!” Leo laughed. “Ha!! Got you!”

“Low blow!” Junior hissed having lost.

You smiled fondly at the pair before turning. Not moving away just yet, you ran your eyes over more machines and a line of doors. Imagining they were for private parties, you heard a holler that sounded very much like Raph cheering.

“Someone’s playing PPR.” Junior chuckled.

“Go check it out, Y/N. Follow the karaoke doors.” Leo lifted his hand long enough to throw a thumb.

“Those are karaoke rooms?” You wondered.

“Yeah, but we probably won’t do that tonight. Junior’s trying to save his voice.”

“I have to talk to the family, don’t I!?” Junior rolled his neck and you could tell it was his eyes without seeing them.

“T-thank you…” You quietly murmured.

“Uh huh! Sure, sure! Junior, dangit!!” Leo lit with renewed anger. 

Leaving the pair, you led up to the wall and avoided interrupting the privacy of the karaoke rooms. As soon as you shirked the first glass window, you saw straight down a line where Raph was excitedly jumping up and down on a dance machine.

Donnie wasn’t there.

Heart sinking at the prospect of having to find him, you headed towards the oldest turtle before you heard a bang. It sounded like that same strange one from Mikey’s cabinet and sounded closer since a chorus of kids yelling followed chase it. You searched high and low for wherever the gaggle was, but you couldn’t find them by the time you reached Raph.

He did a spin, hitting multiple arrows on a dance pad at once when he saw you. “Y/N!”

“H-hey…”

“Jump on in, I’ll hang back on the song selection while you swipe your card in three… two… one…!” In a few more taps, Raph got a stellar letter score and wiped his brow.

“I don’t…” You frowned at the machine.

“No judgment. Raph used to suck at these. It’s all practice.”

Gaze low, you thought you should at least try and climbed up onto the adjoining game pad.

“That’s the spirit!” Raph cycled through the songs. “We’ll start with an easy one…”

You nodded and tested out stepping after getting your player marked up as two.

Raph activated the song and spoke each direction out loud as he did them. Between him and the screen, it helped you at first until you got mixed up and fell out of sync. The screen scolding you, you nearly fled when Raph stopped mid-game and pressed himself to the bar that separated your two platforms.

“Hey.” He greeted you casually.

“R-raph…!” You gestured to where his score was plummeting.

“It’s just a game.” Raph folded his arms as if it didn’t interest him. “How’s it going?”

Blinking and still not sure if you could just stop, you struggled before giving him a nod.

“Mike treating you right?”

You blinked so fast that you shook. “Y-yes, o-of course!”

“Good.” Raph nodded. “He gets excited.”

You knew that well.

“Hey, we lost!” Raph glanced with a snaggletooth smile and started up another game that he continued to ignore. “Surprised Donnie didn’t catch ya.”

Your chest tightened. “I don’t…”

“’Is okay.” Raph tipped his head with closed eyes. “Watching the two of you talk the other day was something.”

“I didn’t…”

He reached out only enough to get your attention. “I’m not saying nothing. I’m just saying you looked happy. You look happy with Mike too. I’m glad.”

Your defenses lowered some.

“Doesn’t matter who. Compared to the first time we met you, you looked like you were ready to jump out of your skin. Now look at you! Losing with the best of ‘em!”

You glanced to see the screen still complaining.

“We forget sometimes. Not just us, us, but like… what do they say? The royalty ‘us?’ Whatever, people forget how much effect they have on others. Sometimes ya gotta point it out. Look at all you did for Mike. I’m glad we returned the favor… Or two of us did…? Or just him…?” Raph was clearly puzzled. 

“What… could I have done for… Mikey?”

“You changed each other.” Raph lobbed you a meaningful grin. “For the better.”

You had noticed a shift, but you had thought that was Mikey trying to accommodate you.

“Mike’s always been confident in himself, but we haven’t had the best track record believing in him.” Raph leaned so heavily on the bar it creaked. 

You checked it with a flick of your eye. 

Raph seemed none the wiser. “He’s spooked you a few times. You get it, but lately he’s been… more present? When he was younger, baby bro and all, not paying attention is one thing, but then… Ugh…” 

Your worried eye moved to the man. 

Raph wiped a hand over his beak. “He gets results in a roundabout way…” He snapped. “His way!” 

“R-right…” You couldn’t disagree with that. 

“Which doesn’t always… account for others. He’s like the most selfish selfless guy on the planet.” He chuffed. 

You pondered with a scrunched brow. 

“But you… saw him different.” 

Your lip pursed. 

“Not the box we put him in.” 

Your gaze softened. 

“As something more, like the sun doesn’t shine without him.” 

You startled and searched Raph. 

“Different than hero worship…” He seemed to be juggling words. “Different… Good different. He saw something too. You saw each other as more than meets the eye.” 

The machine made an abysmal noise and pulled both your attentions. 

“Ah, we got kicked!” Raph only glanced at the ‘faliure’ written on the screen and scanned back in. “Wanna try again?” 

“No…” You stepped off the pads. “I’m… I have a lot…” You adjusted your posture to face Raph head on. “I mean… T-thank you…”

Raph hummed with gentle compassion and turned to pick a song. “Don’s still at the drums. He’s mad I beat him.”

“I was… going to… Uh… Mikey was at… Time Crisis so…”

Raph shrugged and returned to dancing.

Not wanting to interrupt further, you trailed away. Spatially, you thought you were to the east of Mikey’s cabinet was which meant if you cut west you could find him. That also meant you’d be going through uncharted territory which concerned you. Glancing back and wondering how Leo and Junior would react to you passing by a second time, you looked down a new line of games and inched forward with the intention to be brave. You saw few people as you venture forward and, from glances at the machines, these games seemed like ones that weren’t as obviously attractive. You took solace in the fact that you wouldn’t be in anyone’s way and felt more comfortable in walking at a leisurely pace.

Without anyone to worry about, you took your time to review each selection. The games here were primarily in other languages which was what you guessed was keeping others from playing. As if to make up for the folly, each machine had a video screen with visual instructions on the game mechanics. You watched a few seconds of each as you drifted down the line until you reached one that had half a fake table sitting within its confines.

There weren’t any controls and the whole machine was set low to the ground. You stooped a bit on approach so you could easily look at the screen. On it, an angry person flipped the table and the wreckage that followed decimated everything in its path. Little polygonal people kept their neutral faces as they were tossed about and things like hitting office supplies seemed to garner extra points. Chuckling at how ridiculous it was, you reached down and patted the table’s plastic surface. The object immediately bounced underhand and knowing that it had a spring mechanism made you connect the banging sounds you had kept hearing to this game.  

Pulling your hand back, you stepped away, wary, and trailed toward where Mikey was. Without realizing it you had stepped out far enough to glimpse him. In just a sliver you could tell he was still firing his plastic gun. You didn’t catch his eye so you walked over. Instead of bothering him, you stared on the screen as a digital gun representing him fired away at miscreants. He eventually caught wind of your presence and checked in with how things were going. You told him about the fighting and dance games to which he nodded and gave you little factoids about the brother’s preferences.

“Was Dee not playing PPR?”

“Uh!” You turned away and hoped he was distracted. “R-raph said… he was… still playing drums…”

“Taiko’s fun! How’d you like that one? You didn’t mention it.”

“I didn’t… There…” You lifted your gaze. “There was this… um… like… table flipping game?”

“Table… table?” Mikey murmured first before he lit up. “Oh! Chabudai something! I know that one! That’s a silly one. It doesn’t give tickets or anything. It’s like stress relief.”

“It’s… loud…”

“Yeah!” Mikey reloaded. “That’s what’s so fun about it! Bang! Ha! Take that judgey family! I had a tough day!”

You tried to make yourself smaller.                                                                                  

“If you’re looking for something easier on the ears, there’s a piano game that’s pretty fun.” Mikey took aim. “It’s behind me kinda. The tower!”

You turned and located the black and white pillar.

“A calm game might be your speed?”

“O-oh…” That did sound nice.

“Hey.” He stopped and turned to you. “Are you having fun?”

“Y-yes!” You leaned away from his attention.

Mikey frowned and studied you closely.

Your chin dipped down into your body to hide.

The game said he was getting injured.

“Fifteen minutes and I’ll find you so we can explore the prizes.”

You did like a timeline. “Y-you s-sure?”

“Yeah.” Mikey’s features complained and returned to his game. “I’m still too far to beat it apparently.” He gave a loud sigh that turned wistful. “One day!”

“One day.” You reassured him and trailed toward the piano game. It had a seat so you sat down and had time to review the game before you started. The keys were too large and too few to look like a real piano, but you tapped away in rhythm. It was the perfect amount of calming and distracting that they time flew by until Mikey came to fetch you. He regaled you in his game’s history as you slipped past a sleeping attendant and into the prize area. Wandering the brightly lit space felt like a stark contrast to the arcade floor. You and Mikey alternated showing each other the silliest items you could find. From giant glasses to gaudy hats where the ears could flap, you laughed at golden poop and mimicked an electronic lucky cat.

You soon broke apart where Mikey was doing math for a skateboard and you checked the glass counter where both the cheapest and more elusive small prizes were held. Down near the bottom was a series of tiny plush key chains that looked like they would have been more at home in the claw machines. They were clearly dog-like, but their shape was strange. Their eyes gazed up at you with a quality of sad puppies begging to be adopted in a shelter. Squatting down to study them, you found they were some kind of brand name unknown to you and seemed to have something to do with beans based on their names. The longer you stared the cuter you thought they were.

“Hey, Don!” Mikey suddenly chirped.

You hunkered further down where you were.

“Michael.” Donnie addressed breezily.

“So let’s say I came here every day, for five hours a day, do you think I could get that skateboard?”

There was only a second of silence. “With that time frame, I estimate five years.”

“Years?! No way!”

“With the games you play.”

“I’m good!”

“True, but you need to play with tickets in mind.”

“Ugh, the ticket games are boring!” Mikey groaned.

“Five years.” Donnie repeated.

“Five years.” Mikey clicked his tongue, annoyed. “You hear that, Y/N!?”

Your body tipped and your arms flailed to keep you upright. “U-uh… y-yeah!”

“Find something?” Mikey’s voice wandered up behind you.

“N-no…” You got yourself upright and took little steps in place to shake out your legs.

“Liar. What are those?” Mikey dropped similar to how you had been and pointed at the plushes. “‘Mameshiba?’”

“A pun.” Donnie loomed overhead. “Bean dogs.”

“They’re gross shaped.” Mikey chuckled and tipped his head back to you. “Which did you like? I’ll get one for you.”

You waved your hands furiously to stop him. “N-no…! I w-was just l-looking!”

“You sure?” Mikey hopped up to his full height and his grin grew smarmy. “Ah, I see…” 

You looked around, not sure where that was coming from.

“You like the orange one.” He tossed an arm over your shoulders to rock you back and forth. “It’s okay. I know I have a trademark, but I’ll let you in on it just this once. What do you say?”

“O-orange?” You had to look because you hadn’t noticed one in that color.

A little guy with glasses in the back stared back at you.

A frown must have painted your lips because Donnie had to turn with bubbles of laughter.

“H-hey!” Mikey’s offense skyrocketed. “H-he’s like smart or something! He’s cute!”

You chewed on a smile.

“Rude.” Mikey released you.

Donnie returned and glanced down at the case for his own look.

“Wanna help me max tickets in your boring way?” Mikey looked over Donnie expectantly.

“Not with that attitude.” Donnie returned one for his insolence. “I came in here to grab something.”

Mikey’s head lolled with surprise. “You said the stuff in here is ‘cheap crap you can literally buy anywhere else for half the price.’”

“True.” Donnie gave a nod. “There is also a children’s science set available here that was banned in the states due to its volatile nature. Overseas shipping price and times are nonsensical. I wish to recreate said results.” A growing grin split wickedly across his face.

Mikey rolled his eyes as if it couldn’t be helped. “We’ll start without you! Meet up at the fish game!”

“Coins make more sense!” Donnie yelled after as Mikey led you out.

You helped Mikey with a few games until Donnie joined. He kept back and walked Mikey through strategies to maximize ticket output. You listened curiously for a while and were almost conscripted into the fervor, but your distraction was just enough that only the two brothers got sucked in. They went back and forth, cheering when a load of coins would fall and you looked across the room to where that table flipping game was.

You had already forgotten what Mikey had called it.

It was too disruptive.

You wondered what kind of timeline it would take for you to be able to play it without worry.

It seemed as unlikely as you flipping a real table which struck you as a comical image. You couldn’t imagine yourself getting that mad. The closest you’d come was knocking a drink over at a restaurant once and your family had berated you all night long until you’d cried. Shoving that memory down, the only scenario you could come up with for actually flipping a table would be one of distraction so you could run.

Gaze lowering, you matched patterns on the dizzying arcade carpet.

“If we keep this up it’ll be skateboard time!”

“The cards are only worth triple. Unlikely!” Donnie scolded.

“Cards, smards!” Mikey responded and a coin fall sounded. “Let’s go!”

“Guys!” Leo ran up with several plushies hanging from his jacket. “Guess what?!”

“We’re busy getting a skateboard!” Mikey responded.

“It’s not likely!” Donnie chased him.

“Whatever.” Leo rolled his eyes at them and then landed on you as the likely prospect to listen. “One of the claw machines is busted and you’re guaranteed a prize!”

You blinked.

“Want one?” Leo gestured to his full color set.

“Um…”

“Not these. These are mine!” Leo turned his body away protectively. “I meant I’ll show you which machine.”

“Um…” You glanced at the two other brothers still playing their slots. “S-sure?”

Leo nodded you along and you followed just a step behind him.

“How many games have you played?” He tossed over his shoulder.

“Four…? I think…?”

“Not a lot.” Leo didn’t look back and maneuvered you to a UFO catcher.

“No…” You admitted sullenly.

Leo offered the machine to you and you didn’t miss how he scanned his card for you to play.

You looked over your options as the game twinkled out a melody.

Leo leaned against the adjacent machine and watched.

Studying closely, you picked a likely toy candidate that was also cute and moved the claw into position.

“Be honest.”

You almost pushed the button to release too early. “W-what…?”

“What are you avoiding?”

You split tiny glances between him and the game. “I’m… not… I…”

“There’s a game, isn’t there? Which game are you not playing?” He seemed to clarify, but there was something in his tone that made you think that wasn’t what he was referring to.

Getting the claw in place, you hit the drop button and didn’t watch the machine go about its capture. “Leo… I’m sorry… I don’t… I’d rather… not…t-think about… it. The night’s… almost over…”

You could feel Leo watch for a moment before he sucked in a breath and sighed. “You won.”

You grabbed your prize and stared into the plushie’s cold gaze.

You almost missed the bean dogs’ curious gaze. 

You weren’t sure if you really wanted this other one, but you pulled it close. 

“Change your mind or don’t…” He ruminated. “It’s not really my business, but I think you should at least make a choice. I get not making a choice is choosing too, but…”

You glanced to see his beak wrinkled.

“Kind of a boring, don’t you think?”

“Boring… can be… fun?” You held your plush to your chest.

“Sure, if you know you’ll get a prize.” Leo nodded to your win. “Unknown’ll get you farther. Risk-reward and all that. Isn’t that what you were doing? Risking it for the going out biscuit?”

You wondered how much Mikey had told him.

Leo shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I…”

“Hm?” There was an airy tone to him like he knew you’d bring something up.

You weren’t sure you liked that. “I… w-want… to… f-flip a table…”

He snorted loudly. “What!? What does that mean!? Flip a table?!”

You scrambled. “T-there’s a-a g-game..!”

“A game?!” He reared with laughter. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“T-there i-is!” You pointed feebly.

“Show me.” He seemed unconvinced amongst his giggles.

You pursed your lips and tripped over your feet as you started to move. Just barely catching yourself, you moved with as much determination as you could muster over to said machine.

“Oh, this thing!” Leo gave a few more plucked strings of chuckles. “Let’s see it then! Show me your rage!”

You wilted at the actual prospect. “Oh… um…. “

Leo reached into your person and you whimpered before he showed that he’d stolen your game card. You frowned at him and watched as he scanned it into the game system before offering it back.

You snatched it from him.

“Guess you gotta flip!” Leo took a step back and waited.

Heart racing out of your ears, you drowned in the rush and caught the edges of the table. An announcer yelled at you in Japanese before a countdown started. Feeling very much like you would pass out right as it hit whatever number it was leading to, you squeezed your eyes shut as it screamed at you to go. With a surge, you meant to throw your force into the flip, but a cropping of nervous sweat meant the table slipped from you without smashing all the way back.

You stared a sort of numb as you watched barely anything in the room get knocked over and the game sneered at your terrible score.

Leo sniveled beside you.

You turned to find his whole body quaking with withheld laughter.

“Look at you go! Look at your f-fiery s-spirit!” He choked out. “G-good j-job!’ 

“I-I messed up!” You quacked and slammed your card through the scanner again.

It pinged with another game and you wiped your hands off before grabbing the table. Only wanting to make Leo stop, you gripped tightly and the countdown started. Each tick came with a strange distorted memory of you hiding away and by the time the game called, you roared to meet it. Feeling like fire was in your eyes, you tossed the table up so hard, it smashed into the machine. The resounding clatter blew your ears out and the table flapped on its springs. Bouncing up for a second crash, you stumbled backward and fell to the ground. On screen, destruction wreaked havoc and you watched multiple walls get blown out before a party started up.

There was a slow clap beside you, but you couldn’t look away from the game until it returned to playing idle animations.  

“Now that’s the stuff.” Leo offered a hand.

You took it, gawking at him.

You’d done it.

No one was coming to yell.

It was so loud.

Was any of it real?

“Wanna share the good news or keep it between us?” Leo asked genuinely as he let go.

“Us.” The sound popped out of you nearly as fast as you’d just played. “Um…”

“Just us.” Leo confirmed. “Let’s go meet up with the others. Unless you wanna keep throwing down?”

“O-one is e-enough…” You fell in line close to him and he passed you a proud smile.

You were going for a full house of impressing the turtles.

You had no idea what you’d do with that kind of win.

Returning to where Raph had been added to the coin army, Junior soon came along and he walked you through a few more games while the brothers went all out for the skateboard. Time passed and you heard what seemed like rare stories shared as you moved around racking up experience points in a literal sense. Merging the groups at a later time meant you caught Mikey with his prize in hand. He tore into the box for the expectant crowd only for everyone to immediately realize it was a child’s skateboard. Way too small for actual use, Mikey toyed with it anyway as if he hadn’t wanted to admit his coveted item was a dud.

Exchanging your tickets for some candy, you split with the boys as you all walked outside. Fulfilled and hearing them bemoan the early hours they needed to leave for the trip, you listened comfortably to their excitement. Splinter and Draxum would be joining them and it would be an entire affair. April and Casey were meant to drive up later and there was talk of which rest stop they were going to hit. Everyone seemed on board and ready for more family time and you ruminated what that was like. They still lived together, had grown in different ways, but still excitedly pursued time together.

They were something special and you were glad you’d gotten a chance to know them.

Nearing a point only a few blocks from your apartment, you felt everyone idle at the separation point. Raph lamented not getting food at the arcade and Junior asked Mikey to make nachos. Mikey said it wasn’t time for that and that he was missing a few ingredients. One crestfallen look from Junior had Mikey backpedaling about how he could do grilled cheeses instead and that seemed to hit the guys in a nostalgic way. Presumably a childhood delicacy, you watched on favorably while feeling the pull of your time to go.

“T-thanks…. Everyone…” You snuck in between lulls in conversation.

“Oh!” Mikey bobbed. “Want me to walk you?”

“I-it’s only a couple m-minutes.” You dismissed him politely.

“Mkay. Text me.” Mikey offered a fist bump and you took it.

“Night!” Junior waved. “Nice meeting you.”

“See ya!” Raph grinned.

Leo shot you a peace sign and Donnie gave a little nod of his head.

You bobbed yours back and hoped you weren’t obviously averting your eyes to instead give Mikey the final goodbye. “Have a good trip.”

“For sure!” Mikey waved after you and you took off.

The first thing you did was check that you hadn’t dropped your plush. It watched you at the ready and you picked a bit of fluff off its face while wondering if you should name it. It probably already had a name like the bean dogs so you turned it over to check the tag. It was written in a language you couldn’t read and you tried to figure out what sort of internet search could reveal it. 

Soft fluffy crane game prize?

Round orb plush UFO?

Staring plushie doll Japanese?

An arm grabbed yours and pulled.

You had a scream on your lips but something musty slammed over them.

Shoved and then tossed, your knees scraped the ground and you lost your toy.

“W-wha…?” You came out of a wince to find you were staring down black boots.

You were in an alley.

Mugged.

You were getting mugged.

Your heart slammed in your chest cavity.

Stupid.

You always watched.

You never once let your guard down.

You were smart.

You were wary.

You paid attention.

You had forgotten because you were thinking about search phrases. 

Why had you let something so stupid distract you?

“Empty your pockets.” A gruff voice spoke above you.

You knew the procedure.

In a scramble with your head down, you tossed the person everything you had.

You even made a show of touching your socks to illustrate nothing was hidden in them.

“T-that’s… e-every…thing… I did-didn’t…s-see y-you… p-p-please…!”

The mugger choked on a laugh. “What the fuck?”

You kept your hands out and obvious while refusing to look up.

“You just rolled over? Wow…!” You saw clips of gloved hands grab your belongings. “Never been so easy. What’s wrong with you?”

You squeezed your eyes shut and waited.

A boot made contact with your face.

Not a kick, more of a pressure, he forced your head up.

Tears fled down your cheeks as you refused to open your eyes.

“Look at me.”

You couldn’t shake your head. “T-that’s… a-all… I-I… h-have…!”

“I said-” Something cold and sharp bit into your cheek. “Look.”

You cracked your lids and saw a man with stubble staring down at you along with the hilt of his knife.

“You’re a scared one…”

This time you nodded.

The knife slid along the plump of your cheek.“Shame. I always thought I wanted it easy. Guess I got used to a little complaining. It doesn’t feel like I earned it otherwise.”

Your eyes widened.

“You’re really just gonna keep crying?” Keeping the knife steady, he used his other hand to fist your shirt.

You squeaked as he yanked you up. 

Something whistled through the air.

You screwed your eyes shut and tried not to vomit as you waited for impact.

Metal came in contact with flesh and the gush that followed was one etched into your very core.

You dropped to the ground and felt the wet pavement cut your palms.

A second strike happened and this one came with a splat against bricks.

“Y/N!”

You shuddered, waiting for consciousness to fade.

Of course, Donnie’s voice would be the last you heard.

Stupid imagination.

“Y/N!” Your shoulders were taken.

A shake opened your eyes.

There was light pollution marring the murky blacks.

The clip of brick.

The mouth of an alley.

You were alive.

“Hey!”

Your head lolled down to where Donnie was fervently petting your cheek.”Y/N? Can you hear me? Were you injured?”

Yeah, you meant to say, you were hit by…

Nothing.

You were fine.

Suddenly fighting to get away, Donnie lifted his hands in a show of release and you scrambled backward.

Laying on the ground behind him was the mugger in a heap.

Slung through one of Donnie’s arms was a large staff.

The silver tip of it was darkened.

“D-Don…nie?”

“Hey… It’s okay…” He continued to hold his hands up. “I went to make sure you made it and found… this.”

“You… what…? Why…?” Your brain screamed about the point.

“You… should have texted…” Donnie’s gaze flicked away exactly one time. “After seven minutes and me asking three times for Mikey to check his messages, Leo told me to go look if I was so worried… I… left right then.”

“Mikey…”

“Said you were probably settling in…”

“Mikey…” Tears burned your vision. “Why…?” 

“Are you okay…? I don’t blood, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Why you!?”

His gaze opened up.

“Why…!?” You choked on a sob. “I-it c-can’t b-be you! You know that! I k-know you know!!”

Donnie’s fingers curled into fists. “I… see…”

“I’m… not hurt… Not p-physically…” You tried to get up, but fear had taken your legs.

“I called the police, if you want to make a statement…”

Another sob broke from you, but it was enough to get you upright. You stumbled and watched Donnie in your periphery struggle to keep himself from catching you. You felt all the worse for it because you wanted him to and made it a few steps out of the alley before you felt compelled to see the scene of the crime for what it was.

It was a dirty alley. 

The mugger was on the ground. 

Donnie looked up at you from where he was gathering your belongings.

More tears came and you tucked yourself against a brick to keep what was left of you together. He seemed to get everything and then came to stand quietly behind you. From there you moved, watching bitterly for every shadow as you headed straight to your apartment. The walk a short one, it was still enough time that you got space and clarity.

A cop car whizzed by.

You watched it drearily as you reached your stoop. You stopped just shy of the first step and gave a nasally sigh as your nose was plugged. A hanky appeared over your shoulder. You went to take it when you saw a silver thing clutching it instead of a green hand. Turning out of deadened surprise, you found some sort of mechanical arm coming out of Donnie’s back. You pinched unconsciously at the tissue and the mechanism let go to disappear back into his person. Not having enough energy to deal with that, you blew your nose far louder than you were proud of. Smearing the still clean parts over your face for any semblance of decency, you hid behind the cloth to look at him.

His eyes were down to give you privacy.

“I’m… sorry…” You croaked. “I…want to t-thank you… for saving me…”

He gave a single nod.

“That… wasn’t fair… I’m sorry… I don’t know where… that came from… I don’t know… where I’d b-be if you h-hadn’t…” Tears rushed you again and you despised them.

He surfaced with worry. “No… You’re right… It shouldn’t have been me. I should have forced Mikey-”

You shook your head. “No… I mean… I just…”

Donnie met you with a pinched expression. “You’re sure you aren’t hurt?”

You nodded. “You… got there just in time…”

“I should call Mikey.” He went for his phone.

Your hand pushed into his stiff chest to stop him.

You both startled at the appendage.

“S-sorry…!” You scrubbed away errant tears. “I can’t… handle him… like this…”

Donnie continued to stare at your hand.

You wanted to hug him so badly.

He would hold you. 

You knew he would. 

He would offer that same comfort he always did.

Even if he didn’t return the hold, it’d flood you.

Those ridiculous feel good chemicals that came from an illogical source.

You couldn’t fold.

Not as you were.

You were too weak.

You’d just been mugged.

You’d been threatened.

That man was going to hurt you.

You pressed into Donnie as more tears came.

He swept you up tight against him and you soaked his shirt for a length of time that you lost count of.

“I’m sorry!” You choked against him on repeat.

Each cry came out more wrangled than the last and the phrase refused to stop.

He seemed to squeeze more with each utterance and you hated how much better it made you feel.

Him.

He was warm.

Him.

He was safe.

Him.

You turned your head to try to make use of what was left of the hanky.

He petted your head as you did so.

“It’s gross…” Your voice broke.

“Very.”  He agreed without delay.

You bobbed with a bit of comedy against him.

“I have another.”

“Give it.” You held out your hand and a mechanical arm gave you another tissue.

You blew your nose again and felt the way Donnie twitched ever so slightly with disgust.

When you came up, you cleared your throat and looked at him.

He stared down with a swirling gaze.

Concern.

Care.

More.

“Damnit, Donnie…” You grumbled, leaning into him.

He nodded above you.

“We can’t keep doing this…” You pushed him back.

He slid away save for his hands at your elbows.

Even that was an act of attrition.

“I’ve… I’ve been trying to avoid you…” You told him. 

“I know.”

“I’m sorry…” You threw your head up. “That sounds terrible…!”

“It makes sense.”

“But you…!” You gestured to him and it broke your arms from his hold.

It brought you a little closer to eye level.

His gaze was down.

“I don’t want to…” You whispered.

He slowly blinked before looking up at you. “I’ve had a thought.”

You leaned against the railing.

“This could not be a worse time to share this and I’d labeled this particular idea as… absurd. You see, I have many ideas that aren’t applicable to anything. Be it because the technology doesn't exist yet or fleeting one’s that society frowns upon.” 

From the hanky giving robot you’d just seen, you figured the former was one he could easily rectify.

“In this case, I thought it would never come up. I assumed this would pass or you would not be receptive.”

You needed to see him better.

You took another step back and it raised you to his height.

He looked over your maneuver before shuffling as far forward as he could to close the gap between you.

You held out a hand.

He took it.

“I see… and correct if I’m wrong, that we both feel it… Are we drawn to one another?”

You nodded and added your other hand.

His second joined and split the pair.

A hand for a hand.

“I’ve long considered how to dispel it. It’s… good…” There was heavy disdain in the word. “… to hear we agree…”

You swayed slightly.

He felt it too. 

He liked you. 

How?

Why?

He bobbed as if to hurry. “I believe it’s the taboo.”

You jarred still.

“I’ve considered every possibility and the list of aggravations is aggressively long. There’s, for one, my penchant for wanting objects I’m expressively told I can’t have. I also dislike being told what to do and try to find work arounds to get what I want.”

“I think this is different from being told not to… hack the… Pentagon… or… something…”

A glint in his gaze said that was a likely scenario. “We also have to acknowledge the timing. It’s why I’m stalling! Scientifically, we can prove that no matter what your answer is, you are not in your right mind. By that means, it can only be labeled manipulation which is why I’m trying not to say it because you will be swayed regardless and-” 

You pulled on his hands to reign him in. 

He gave you a withered look before it was clear he gave in. “I will stress that this is only a hypothesis, but I believe we can dispel these feelings if we acknowledge them. If the allure is only for that which we cannot have, then we see to it and move on.”

“Isn’t that what we just did…?” You leaned into him.

He came his own marked distance. “I was thinking… something more concrete…” 

“We say it…? Your face smoked with growing embers. 

“I like you.” Donnie said, his own skin looking flush. 

“I… like you… too.” You responded. 

For a moment it felt like your tethered fingers were the only thing keeping you from floating away. 

Then Donnie winced. “It’s not enough.” 

In an intangible way, you agreed. 

You only wanted more.

You wanted to hear it again. 

You didn’t want to let go. 

It seemed obvious that he didn’t either. 

“This was what I feared.” He squeezed your hands. “A confession under duress is one thing…” 

You had a dawning thought. “Saying it… wasn’t what you meant. That wasn’t your thought.” 

He looked painfully guilty. 

“How…?” You tried to catch his eye and translate your presence. 

He checked first then studied you. 

You waited, feeling a little more stable by the second. 

“A… kiss…” He finally admitted and his gaze flicked down to your lips and back up. “One. That is how we dispel the desire. That’s tangible. We both acknowledge this was a mistake of greener grass and nothing more.”

“One…?” You drew close enough that you could feel the heat of his breath.

“One…” He confirmed and had to blink heavily to keep his eyes open. “I dislike the state you’re in. These circumstances…”

“Would we even be talking about this otherwise?”

He searched you.

“How… long were we going to pretend this wasn’t happening? It… hurts. I hate… the feeling. I hate feeling like I’m doing something behind Mikey’s back… You’re right… I was just mugged!” You shook your head. “But we like each other and knowing that-!” 

Your heart stuffed itself into your throat.

It felt great to hear. 

Donnie’s confession was still running on repeat in the back of your mind. 

For the terrible thing that had happened tonight, you imagined in the long run you wouldn’t remember it. 

You’d remember this. 

Euphoria flooded your veins.

“How long, indeed…?” His lids lowered and you could tell he was imagining possibilities. “I guess until one of us moved on and made a smarter choice or until it drove us mad and we did something out of sheer desperation.”

“Is it dopamine?”

His head tipped with in question.

“When you cry. Is that…?”

“Oxytocin and endogenous opioids…” He caught your meaning.

“Sure…” It hadn’t really mattered which, you just needed him to understand “Don’t they… make your head clearer too…?”

Donnie’s gaze flicked as he processed. “I suppose… the parasympathetic nervous system does shift the body out of fight or flight… You know the opposite is called ‘rest and digest,’ but it’s not a term that’s often used…” He trailed off sheepishly.

You smiled and very much wanted to kiss him just cause.

You also wanted to listen to him. 

You wanted this, forever. 

“I’m sorry…” His thumb caressed your knuckles. 

“What I meant was… I can make this decision. Yes, you saved me. Yes, what just happened was haunting. Yes, I’m indebted to you, but I also owe you way too much already. It won’t sway me…”

“You’re… agreeing?” He balked. “That we should kiss?”

“One.” You nodded. “We need to… move on. To stop this. I don’t… I don’t want to be scared to be around you.”

Donnie gave a withheld nod. “I refuse to hurt Mikey.”

“I wish I could say the same.” You gave him a watery look. 

He understood and leaned his beak into your cheek for reassurance. 

He was there. 

You pressed hard into him and turned it into a nuzzle. 

For those blissful seconds of contact, it felt like your worries melted away. 

He pulled away like he had to. 

“We shouldn’t…” 

“I know…” You softened in spite of yourself.

Donnie ate the expression up.

“Isn’t that the point…?” 

Donnie gave a bare nod. 

“None of this makes sense so one… and the magic is gone.”

Donnie shook himself out and adjusted his posture as if to decide that was the truth. “It was mystique. We wanted the unknown. Now, we’ll know and be better for it.”

“This is the choice. My choice.” You mumbled, feeling ghosted by a strange memory.

Donnie took you in with an arched brow.

You gave him your best hopeful smile and tried to translate you weren’t sure how to explain it. “Risk-reward.”

“Which am I?” His curious air shifted to a teasing one.

“Let’s see...?” You moved closer.

You both stood staring at each other for what felt like too long.

Your lips pursed to break the silence and he leaned in.

It surprised both of you.

Sharing the farce and nerves, it brought the two of you together. Arms slipping away to make room for bodies, you perched your hands wide on his shoulders to steady yourself. His slid comfortably around your waist to balance you and, in a flick of your gaze, you were back in his space. Tilting your head and with him mirroring, goosebumps ripped through you in anticipation. It came with a bump of his beak to your nose where you both smiled before your lips caught.

For a moment there was nothing.

The cold lunar surface.

Then, there was warmth.

So much of it you thought you might explode.

It flooded every single neuron as you pushed all your weight into him to siphon more despite its scald.

Everything else fell away.

If he took up space in the sky as just him, touching him like this made him everything.

No worries.

No anxiety.

Only him.

You were safe.

How many times had he saved you?

You were comfortable.

Talking to him came so easily you forgot yourself.

It was effortless.

The gravity a light one, you could make leaps and bounds with him around.

Just enough that you wouldn’t spiral off into space.

His arms held you tight.

What a guiding light he was.

Why had you ever thought the moon was cold?

The moon controlled the tides.

The moon kept everything in place.

The moon was.

With a final needy nudge, Donnie disengaged.

It took every fiber of your being not to chase him.

He openly panted some sort of exertion and butted his forehead to yours.

You stroked his cheek and held each other like that.

Warmth settled a heavy weight in your stomach and you committed his blurry visage to memory.

You weren’t going to see him like this again.

“How do you feel?” You whispered something like a wisp.

“Light.” He spoke.

You giggled.

You could feel a ferocious grin on him more than see it.

He tugged lightly and it bumped your noses together again.

You turned it into the faintest nuzzle.

He made a sweet chirpy noise.

“That…” You spoke and something about it dispelled the magic.

You were both pulling away.

The self-consciousness set in.

“Well!” Donnie cleared the air. “I will… see you around… I suppose…”

“Y-Yeah…” You folded your arms around yourself to trap the heat leaking from you.

“I… apologize. I’m going to watch you go inside. I want to make sure you make it…” He took a calculated step back from the stoop.

“Yeah… I don’t blame you…” You readied to go inside before a different emptiness caught your attention. “Um, my… my stuff…?”

“Your…?” For a second, he didn’t understand and then he did. “Y-yes!” He patted himself down and grabbed several objects to pass to you. “Here.” 

The largest object was your plush which was now covered in muck. “Oh…” 

“Raph knows a way to wash them…!” 

“O-Oh…. G-good… I’ll ask… Mikey to… uh, send that over…”

Donnie nodded so hard it affected his balance. 

“I just need my…” You searched for your keys in the pile and found a smaller foreign object stacked amongst your things. 

Time slowed as you turned over the object in your palm to find it was something soft, small, and black. 

Its face emerged like a little puppy looking up at you hopeful for adoption. 

You immediately recognized it as one of the bean dog key chains from the counter. “This-! Where-!?” 

Your gaze shot to Donnie. 

He was grimacing with his entire body. 

“I… meant to keep that…” He wheezed. 

Your heart plummeted as you held it out for him to take back. 

“No!” He shouted too loud for the both of you. 

Your hand closed to protect the dog. 

“That…” His gaze weighed down with guilt. “It is for you. It was always for you. I mean… I wasn’t going to give it to you. I wanted to, but…” 

You waited. 

“Its name is Black Bean…” He spoke as if that would explain everything. “The tag says it has a tendency to… stare and hide…” Donnie glanced away. 

It was a simile if you had ever heard one. 

It was a memento for you. 

You felt your very being percolate. 

“You should keep it…” He gave a little giving gesture with his hands. 

You weren’t sure you could have given it back to him.

You needed Black Bean like your life depended on it. 

He was now your prized possession. 

He was your memento now. 

Something tangible.

“I’ll tell Mikey about the mugging…” You managed, squeezing your prize tight. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Donnie rubbed an arm. “I hope you’ll be alright…”

“I’m sure the trauma will hit me when I lay down…” You gave an awkward laugh before what you said sank into your spine like a cold injection.

“That’s bad…” He remarked with a sort of stunted horror.

“N-Not different from any other night-!” You held your full hands out. “I’m gonna go inside!!” You turned around. “Thank you!”

“O-of course…!”

“Good night, Donnie!” You wrangled your keys and yanked the door.

“Good night-!”

You rushed inside.

“… Y/N…”

The door closed behind you.

(Check out behind the scenes for this fic and more on my Patreon. You can follow me there, here, or the tag #sunshinemoonshinefic for updates)

This big papa chapter was kindly reviewed by my betas @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[foolishxprincipalitee]

What is hyperfixation like?

So, I didn’t care about Sherlock Holmes at all until about six weeks ago.

I watched BBC Sherlock as my gateway drug, then read a bunch of fic, started listening to the podcast Sherlock & Co, bought a copy of the new queer anthology When the Rose Speaks Its Name, started watching the Jeremy Brett series, and now I’m reading Bending the Willow: Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes while simultaneously cycling through BBC Sherlock - AO3 - Sherlock & Co - When the Rose Speaks Its Name - Jeremy Brett - misc. Sherlockian googlings on a daily basis.

I can feel dopamine coursing through my veins every second that I get to interact with Sherlock Holmes related media, which is a considerable amount of time. I draw fanart at work and scribble gay little thoughts in my journal. There is not an atom within me that isn’t vibrating for Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes byproducts.

And yet nobody in my real life wants to talk about it with me, no matter how hard I try. I tried reaching out to my brother who has always been an ACD Holmes fan and he literally hasn’t replied to me in a month. He’s got kids. All I’ve got is a new Sherlock Holmes hyperfixation.

I posted some of my new art on Instagram and received a very weak response even though I was really excited about it and still think it’s some of my better work. I deactivated my account because I was so sad.

The isolation impacts me negatively. It pushes me further and further away from “real life” and into escapismland, because that’s where all the dopamine lives. I find myself on Tumblr or making edits on TikTok where no one really knows me or cares about me but people who care about the same media I do might respond.

It would mean everything to me for someone to care both about me as a human and about my interests, especially in the first few months of a hyperfixation when I literally cannot shut the fuck up about it.

But instead I am doomed to this lonely life of soaring highs, swinging from media fixation to media fixation, telling strangers on the internet that I am desperately in love with fictional characters, and crash-and-burn lows that most people don’t even understand.

I am a 30-year-old woman technically diagnosed with both bipolar and autism spectrum disorder. I am a weird gay aunt who will never have a longterm partner or children or possibly even close friends. I am actually a really nice and cool and hot person.

And I am only in love with Sherlock Holmes.

For now.

[glitchxinthematrix]

IRREDEEMABLE

Part 4

Love, a concept so complicated to even grasp and yet, every single soul in the universe end up craving it. I have had my share of the cravings, but, news flash, it all resulted in me being left alone stranded. So the concept is now hid safe inside a box. buried deep down somewhere inside, and at times like these I hear the faint screaming it does from the suffocation, all for some acknowledgement. And now, Geto, Love? The one minute he stared longer? Gojo's words kept replaying in my head on my way to find Suguru.

I wouldnt run my thoughts any deeper into this, i mean why should i? what did he do about this? how long has this been going on, and ,oh fuck , thats a pillar and my head is gonna raamm into-, wait no its soft, wait its a hand, a familiar one, shit-

I slowly raised my head to see geto by the vending machine with one can of his favourite drink and the other hand as a barrier to my head and the wall. and yet he doesnt frickin spare me a look, why te hell is his head stooped so low.

Walls are everywhere these days huh?,the audacity to joke around right now without even meeting my eye.

"So youre not even gonna look at me?" I blurt out, unexpectedly helpless in my delivery.

As I see him lift his head up very reluctantly and struggle, i find myself doubting everything gojo previously said, miutes ago.

"Whats up y/n". THE NERVE.

"Didnt take you to be a fuckboi Suguru Senpai, following your best friend's steps is it?"

With a confounded expression I saw him squint his eyes and , well that should be a question then.

"You never called, Geto".

His eyes bulged a bit like he wasnt expecting me to care about the things that we did yesterday. I saw him mumble something under his breath while maintaining the good old strained eyebrows.

"What, you dont care about how i feel now that you slept w me?"

I see his expression waver into immediate shock that desperately needed to set some things straight.

"Y/n..you don't know what you're talking about.. please".

No amount of strained expression from him is helping this mixed signal facade that's happening to me. He takes a deep breathe noticing my baffled expression.

"I do. i do care, more than I've done for anyone else. its just.. by the time you were asleep in my...in my arms, gojo had texted. Soo..it worked. Everything worked out. As intended. Or it didnt, and he came to his senses maybe,finally,else, it doesnt make sense. it makes zero sense. i mean why the fuck would someone not know how to treat you? to treat you shouldnt come as a chore or a result of some challenge, its as natural as breathing air, and idk what was with him all this while, but im sure he realises now, so give him a chance, he'll treat you better I'm sure."

"Is that what you want?"

"What..why..why would it matter, what I think" he visibly gulps, confused.

"It matters to me geto, if you care about me, to know that you like me, I don't know geto you messed with my head, I can't get you out of it...i broke up with gojo."

"What..wait. what?" His face couldn't contain the emotions that rollercoastered through his mind.

"Just say it geto, fucking say it. Do you or do you not like me. Shit, why am I even doing this? " I steer away on my heel as an attempt to hide the tears that are about ruin my mascara, until I feel an immediate grab on my wrist, the same soft hands.

"y/nnn, y/nn....how do i tell you this...you have no idea. not a thing. the way i have craved for you, to be with you, the way i have literally felt my blood boil seeing the way my bestfreind treated you. you have no ideaaa. please dont torment me any more than this, shit im sorry, i know, its not your fault. hell you had no idea how i felt. its just. all you had to do was exist ynnn. the way you aree, the way you smile, hold the hemm of gojos shirt when he failed to pay you the attention you more than deserve, the way you gently hit shoko on her shoulders when you laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, the way and fuck the way, the way i saw you yesterday, every inch of you, its etched in my memory, by choice. Fuck, I need some water"

I couldn't contain the happiness that bloomed inside me and I had to do something crazy because he looked just too cute.

" for now i can help you moisten your lips I think", I stand on my toes to reach his open mouth, so confused and wary and place the timid but hungry kiss on it, but within seconds he makes sense of things and grabs me by my waist only to land a kiss that lasted longer than the hourly bell that rang twice or thrice after that.

"Aaargh, this...you're tempting me to do something irredeemable again" he breathes with a glistening red lips messy with the stray tints of my lipstick.

"Let's redeem through it this time then."

The smirk on his lips right then looked more promising than ever.

[alexturntable]

Oh so fascinating. And you’re absolutely right. I think Charles went through so much loss and trauma. He desperately wants to make himself, his dad, family and Jules proud and doesn’t want no, NEEDS to succeed. It’s his way of wanting to give meaning to all of this. As he said: becoming a world champion is the most important thing in his life. I do think he’s a pretty chill dude in his daily life but I think we can also see he cares DEEPLY but is somehow no used to or afraid to show it. Him getting emotional in Monaco in the last laps and also saying it out loud how he had tears in his eyes? Very unlike him to say that. But it’s there. Then we have the very emotional and ‘depressing’ piano pieces he composes. And how he talks about fans and the people he lost is honestly so emotionally charged and mature and emotional. But in the direct interactions? He’s someone who reflects with humor and nonchalance A LOT! But he’s also easy to read tbh he’s still quite an open book he just thinks he hides it well :) but he also seems he’s a very nice, humble person who loves the attention and his life. But also 1000% has many quiet, darker moments that he keeps to himself. And clearly a lot of love for his family and the same friends he’s ever had. It’s not like he is a very guarded person at all, only when it comes to direct emotions when put on the spot. With exceptions, like his music, like Monaco, like with his dad and also with now his cute dog. It’s so nice whenever we get those glimpses! But you hid the nail on the head with Carlos and Charles interactions and dynamic hejdjd it’ll be interesting to see him with Lewis 🤍

Charles is definitely a very complex character with so many layers and it’s so so fascinating to watch his interactions and how he deals with things that have happened in his life. He’s been very strong and very resilient from such a young age. I love listening to the way he talks about his dad and Jules and how much he appreciates everything they’ve done for him. He doesn’t really show a lot of emotions most of the time but when he does you can tell it’s so genuine, like you mentioned the Monaco win, his music and of course with Leo. His eyes do really light up when he talks about Leo.

I’ve loved watching all his interactions with Carlos, especially this year and especially when Carlos starts getting emotional about leaving and Charles starts deflecting with humor.

It’s going to be extremely interesting to see his interactions with Lewis when they’re teammates because Lewis is the kind of person who says what’s on his mind and doesn’t hold back so I’m excited to see how their dynamic is gonna be next year.

And since we’re talking about Charles’ character I recommend watching this interview if you haven’t already because I think his answers here were very revealing and very genuine and it’s one of my favorite interviews he’s done so far.

[allwormdiet]

Tangle 6.9

I don't wanna deal with this parrrrrrrrrt

Taylor. Taylor. I know you're getting desperate but come on. You can't write an email to the hero you and your friends publicly bodied on the same night that you did the bodying.

Nobody's checking her on her shit. Nobody who she should theoretically be able to go to for advice is equipped for this, or even inclined to help her. Danny would try, I'm certain, but he'd be out of his depth. Emma might have been a grounding influence for Taylor once upon a time but, haha, that is no longer an option. School is worthless to her, and her new (only) friends are the ones who are doing the crimes she's involving herself in, not to mention that she became their friend with the intent to backstab them.

...I wish she'd just talk to her dad about this shit. Her refusal to even try and explain it to him feels like it's tangled up in something she can't even name or describe. He's the closest confidant she has at this point, and that's not saying much, but for fuck's sake it should be saying something.

Fuck.

Fucky fucker fucking fuck.

You can't lie to someone you live with for that long about something that can be so easily fact-checked and expect to never get caught out. It's just not feasible.

God this is so hard. She's trying to spare his feelings, she's trying to not pin any of this on him, and it's not working. The fact that she feels like she can't trust him means that he failed to be trustworthy to her, somewhere along the way, and she won't even acknowledge that. She won't even sit across the table from him to talk about this.

Here's where Danny scuffs it, honestly. I'm not going to say he was even wrong to anticipate Taylor's avoidance, but hemming her in like this is only going to rile her up worse. I don't know what the right answer is. Breaks my heart.

I don't think it's fair of Taylor to lump her dad in with the others who've hurt her, in no small part because. This hurt that Danny's feeling, the pain that makes her twist with guilt and frustration, was damage she caused by lying to him, by pushing him away. She's been so lonely for so long and the one person who could've been an ally, even an ineffectual one, is the one she's kept at arm's length throughout all of it.

Even the violence, even the kicking and the breaking, is just a way to avoid telling him anything.

Just pull the bandage off, Taylor, please. Maybe the worst-case scenario happens but then you don't have to keep that poisonous cold lump inside of you. There's other reactions he could have, better ones. I don't think his love for you is conditional. I don't think

Okay so this is almost the right decision she's making, here

Yes! Be with your friends, make bonds that last, admit to yourself what you actually want

God fucking dammit

Straight up crying in the club rn

Tell him! Oh my god please just tell him. Taylor for the love of god please just tell him

Fuck

Lisa's just a kid, too. As much as she pretends otherwise, as much as Danny wants to believe her.

So. Fucking sad.

Current Thoughts

The Heberts break my goddamn heart.

Danny tried, but he pushed too hard when Taylor was already raw and accidentally put her in a defensive mindset, made her feel cornered, unsafe. And then when it came down to it, he still let her walk away. He let Lisa take her from him.

And Taylor. God. I wish she'd just let Danny support her. Even if he doesn't solve her problems, if she could just lean on him during the low times that could make such a difference. I think he could understand, maybe given time. He'd side with her before he'd side against her, no matter who was on the other side.

Another point of proof, I guess. Taylor's fate wasn't sealed from the beginning. It doesn't have to go the way that it goes. There were options, much as she can't see them.

And the roads not taken just make it hurt that much more.

Interlude next.

*sigh*

[ectonurites]

Byler Week Day 5 — Secret Identities

very loosely interpreting the prompt for today but i've had this idea for a while and... secret identities, Superheroes, that works. anyone who knows me well probably could have seen something like this coming LMAO

also trying to draw Robin & Superboy costumes that look thrown together and home-made when i have spent so much time drawing their actual designs was a challenge

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

“He sleeps against his father’s chest, and he does not stir.

Yuuta’s never seen Sensei look at anyone the way he looks at Megumi right now.”

OH MY GODDDDDDUGHHHHH THIS PEAK. I honestly teared up reading this bit. You can feel the love emanating from so many characters in your writing within this chapter, I find it so so moving. Thank you so much for sharing your writing!!!

I actually really like the kind of messiness of this moment because Gojo’s conflicted about that moment in a lot of the same ways that Tsumiki was conflicted about comforting her brother.

Earlier, Yuuta had said that Megumi seemed happier when Tsumiki was around. And Tsumiki had replied that she felt conflicted about comforting him, because she knows how private he normally is. She wanted to be there to comfort him, but she was worried it was just one more thing done to him that he didn’t want.

Gojo is feeling a lot of the same.

Like. Megumi was never that kid that was very open or cuddly. He was never that kid that let you carry him, even when he was tiny. He’s Gojo’s baby boy and he has the disposition of a feral raccoon with a biting problem. Do not touch him.

Gojo knows for a fact that Megumi would never in a million years let Gojo pick him up and hold him had the circumstances been normal.

There’s this unique act of love in allowing yourself to be vulnerable around others. It’s an act of absolute trust, if you think about it. I’m already hurt; I trust you not to hurt me worse.

And I think that makes it significant that Megumi doesn’t have that relationship with anyone.

He doesn’t let himself be vulnerable around Gojo. He doesn’t let himself be vulnerable around Tsumiki. He closes himself off and hides weakness and now he just can’t anymore.

I think Gojo in particular was aware of how Megumi doesn’t let himself be vulnerable around even his family, because Gojo is better suited to notice when Megumi’s hurt. Tsumiki knows her brother best, but it’s hard to hide from Gojo’s eyes. He notices when something’s wrong with his kids, and Megumi in particular.

He missed it when Megumi was a kid. He doesn’t want to miss it again.

So he sees it when something’s wrong in megumi’s world. And he sees it when megumi doesn’t come to them with it. He knows that megumi wouldn’t have let him hold him like that had he not been so hurt.

I think that Megumi was never really that kid that let you hold him, growing up. Even at age five, he was horrifically independent and had a very firm boundary line set between himself and absolutely anyone else. Baby Megumi never let Gojo lug him around, despite how adorable and portable he was. He sure as hell wasn’t letting Gojo carry him when he hit his teen years.

So. You’ve got this kid. You love him. Earth-shattering type of love. Soul-rending love. Sun, moon, and stars. Real “burn the world to keep him warm” type shit. He’s your baby boy, even if he’d fucking strangle you if you said it.

He’s just been hurt in a way that fucking horrifying. The most profound violations you can imagine. He can barely open his own eyes, he’s that hurt.

It’s probably your fault.

Because the assholes who hurt him? Those people? They’ve hurt him before, and you didn’t kill them for it. It wasn’t because it was right for your kid. Killing them for his safety would have been what’s right for your kid. It was just. Politics. Not only that, but the lynchpin of their plan counted on you not calling him once while they were hurting him. They banked their fucking lives on you not calling him even once in a week that included his birthday.

And they were right.

So yeah.

It’s probably your fault.

But you can’t turn back time. He’s hurt, and you’ve got him now, and all you want to do is comfort him. He’s your little boy, and you almost fucking lost him, you almost had to fucking bury him, and you just want to hold him while he’s afraid. You want to hold him until he stops shaking. You want to fix this.

And, at the end of the day, you just can’t deny how much he’d fucking hate that.

But you do it anyway. Someone needs to hold him, and you make it you. And maybe that’s just one more time someone did something to your little boy’s body that he didn’t want.

So.

How the fuck do you live with yourself?

[leeyd]

Vent

I desperately need a any twst character fic about reader who has a habit of isolating themselves from others when stressed out. Like they completely turn off social media notifications, turns off online status, not appearing in real life and pretty much shuts down any interaction from anybody.

[gothamsfinestdummy]

One day I might actually write an essay thing about how the reboot completely destroyed Pinky and Brain’s characters I am soooo very passionate about that subject

[thornshadowwolf]

Damn I thought maybe I was just being weird and sleep deprived about it last night but this morning I was genuinely hoping that anon would be back to elaborate.