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future-fangirl · 7 years ago

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Get What You Want

The idea from this story came from a couple of high school experiences and the usual high school AU fanfiction out there. And a conversation with @savvylark about demisexuality. Somehow it turned into this. I will warn you that Katniss is a bit OOC in this story. She is living in a present-day setting so she isn't so terrified of relationships and romance. And Everlark shippers, don't worry, this is an Everlark story even if it seems like it isn't. I had the unrequited love thing going on in high school though in my case the guy I liked was more like Peeta than Gale. So parts of this are inspired by that. I remember the whole desperate desire to look "hot" so that guy will notice you. Newsflash, it rarely does work. Edited to Add: I am having major formatting issues with all my writing. I am going to try to fix it but it's driving me crazy.

"But how do I make him notice me?" I sat down beside Johanna on her bed and played with the hem of my t-shirt. Johanna was the girl to go to when you wanted to know how to play sexy. She was two years older than me and knew how to drive guys crazy. We had been friends for years but so far I had avoided her attempts to make me over into something hotter. I wasn't very good at sexy. In fact, I really didn't like it at all. But it was the only way to get him to notice me. Gale was mine and I was his and anything else was unthinkable. Well, ok, I had a crush on him and he still thought I was the cute cousin. We weren't actually cousins but we looked alike enough people thought we were. He was two years older than me and we had been friends for years. Recently though he had started hanging out with the older kids. And now that he was in college I saw all the posts on Facebook with the hot blonde girls. And even though I had made a couple of awkward advances he hadn't taken the bait. I was getting a little desperate. Was there something wrong with me? I mean, I knew I wasn't as pretty as Glimmer Williams but I wasn't ugly. I wore glasses, had worn braces, read books, sprouted obscure fandom knowledge and wore a wardrobe of a librarian. Still, my hair was nice and I thought my features weren't that bad. I was flat chested though. "Did you try what I told you? The lip bite thing and the smiling and the touching your hair." Johanna answered. "Yeah, and it didn't work. He just kinda ignored me. He spent all the night with Cashmere." I sighed remembering how they had spent the whole night making out while I sat there and tried to pretend it didn't bother me. "I even asked if he wanted to dance. But he didn't." Johanna winced. Then she sat there for a couple of minutes and said, "Maybe you should make him jealous?" I hadn't had a boyfriend. I was scowling and irritating and most people found me scary. I sat alone with my other friend Madge and read books. I hadn't even been kissed. I was almost eighteen and I hadn't been kissed. I wasn't sure about kissing, it seemed a little weird, but people were supposed to enjoy it. "I could try. Maybe once he figures out I'm not a kid he'll be interested." "Listen, Katniss. Don't lose yourself trying to get some guy to notice you. I've been there, done that. And it's not worth it." I nodded but wasn't particularly paying attention to Johanna's advice. I had a mission. Find some guy who would make me look desirable enough to get Gale to notice me. I thought down the list of boys in my class. Cato? No, he was the kind of guy who carried knives in his pocket to look tough. Marvel? No, he was just plain creepy. Thresh? No, he was Gale's friend and he wasn't the kind to agree to my plan. Peeta? He'd be perfect but he'd never agree. Peeta Mellark was the golden boy of our class. He was class president, debate champ, wrestler and extremely popular. With his golden-haired good looks and bright blue eyes, he looked almost as good looking as Finnick Odair who was a senior and considered to be the hottest boy at Panem High School. Finnick was very much taken though. He only had eyes for Annie Cresta who spent most of her time reading books and swimming. I liked Annie. Her story gave me hope. If Annie Cresta could snag the hottest guy in the senior class I could surely succeed in my mission. But Peeta was also nice. He was the kind of guy who helped old ladies across the street and volunteered to tutor students. But what could I offer him? I didn't have a lot of money. I doubted offering to wash his car would do it. And what else could I offer him? Then I remembered something. His last girlfriend was Cashmere. And Cashmere had spent the whole night making out with Gale. If I pretended to get with Peeta it might make Cashmere jealous too. Possible Peeta could get her back. And even if he didn't he would get revenge on her. It wasn't a very nice thing to do but I wasn't known for being nice. The next day at school I cornered Peeta in the art room. He was painting a picture of a dandelion. Peeta smiled as I came up to him. "Hey, Katniss." "Hi, uhh… that's really pretty." I motioned to the painting. "Oh, thanks. I love dandelions." "I was wondering if…" I paused and then tried to gather up my courage. Finally, I blurted out my plan. I stumbled through a lengthy explanation and stared at my feet. I was messing this up so badly. "So you want to fake date to get his attention?" Peeta looked confused. "Well yeah, but I thought maybe with Cashmere…" I really regretted doing this. I was crazy to have gone to him. I should have found some guy like Bristel. Not the golden boy of Panem High. "Cashmere and I broke up without any hard feelings. But I'll do it." Peeta said. "Why?" I didn't understand why he was doing this. "Because I don't have a girlfriend so I can do it. And because I certainly don't mind spending time with a pretty girl like you." He grinned at me and I felt myself blush. Nobody had ever called me pretty beside my mother and sister and Madge. "But I…" I paused trying to collect my thoughts. I didn't want any feelings involved. Not that I was fooling myself into thinking that he would ever like me. "I know. It's not real." He nodded and added, "He's a lucky guy. To have a girl like you interested in him." "Oh no," I mumbled. "I'm nothing special." "You have no idea, do you? The effect you have." Peeta said softly. I guessed that was one of his motivational speeches. He wanted to make me feel better. "So uhh… how do we do this? I've never actually had a boyfriend." I confessed. "How about this? I pick you up Saturday night, assure your mother I am not a serial killer and we go see a movie." "Great," I replied. My mother would be relieved. She kept asking why I didn't have a boyfriend and why I spent so much time doing things like hunting and not hanging out at malls doing my makeup. She'd like Peeta. He was the kind of boy parents liked. He'd probably go to a great school. "It's a date, Everdeen." He winked exaggeratedly making me laugh. Then the bell rang and I ran off to my English class. I knew on Saturday Gale and his friends always went to the movies. He would be sure to see me with Peeta. On Saturday Prim helped me find the perfect blouse to go with my nicest pair of jeans. She helped me put a little makeup on and then sat and gave me advice. I was a little scared when my fourteen-year-old sister started talking about kiss proof makeup. But Prim said she read it in a magazine. She was way too young to be kissing boys. Peeta rang the bell and my mom opened the door. She looked him over critically then called, "Katniss, he's here." I saw Peeta turn the charm on my mother full force. He asked her how her day was, offered to help take the casserole out of the oven and talked all about the recent debate tournament he was in. By the end of their conversation, my mother was smiling and had lost any suspicion. Prim attacked a plate of cookies Peeta had brought by. I wondered why Peeta had spent so much time and effort on me. I was just a fake girlfriend. "So what movie do you want to see?" Peeta asked. I considered for a moment. Gale had talked about seeing Black Panther. And I wanted to see it as well. "What about Black Panther?" I suggested. Peeta grinned. "You have excellent taste. I was worried you'd want to see some sappy romance." "I don't like that kind of thing," I replied. "Ahh…well some sappy romances are ok. I draw the line at creepy or rapey." Peeta replied. He hadn't struck me as the romantic kind but now that you thought of it he was the kind who'd cover a girl in chocolate, flowers and make her breakfast. "It's just unrealistic. The whole soulmates thing. My parents were like that. And then my dad died. And my mom just lost hope. I don't want that kind of thing. I want something less…intense." I flushed wondering why I was telling him this. I didn't talk about my dad to anyone. "My family is the opposite. My parents didn't really love each other. They got married because I guess mom got pregnant. And then they got divorced. I think love exists. It's just most people are selfish." The movie was great. I wasn't much for Marvel movies but this one was great. It was nice seeing people who weren't white onscreen. I was one of the few people in Panem that weren't lily white. And I had faced a lot of discrimination growing up. My dad was from Brazil even though he spent most of his childhood in England since his dad was British. That explained why my last name sounded so British. Prim looked so white she could have appeared on a propaganda photo for white nationalism. But she wasn't. I remembered that time she had defended me in a store when a woman was accusing me of shoplifting just because I looked "suspicious". Prim knew more about my dad's roots than I did since she was interested in that sort of thing. But this was Panem and most people thought Trump was great and racial diversity was unnecessary. Perils of living in a small town in the south. I saw Gale in the corner with his friends. I was surprised to see Madge sitting next to him. Madge was the mayor's daughter but she was still my friend. I felt a flicker of jealousy as I watched her sitting there. Maybe he liked Madge? She was his type. Blonde, curvy and glamorous. But Madge knew I liked him. Didn't she? Peeta bought me popcorn and sat down beside me. In order to seem more authentic, I leaned my head against his shoulder. I didn't mind it actually. He smelled nice. Like cinnamon and something faintly sweet and spicy. And he was strong. I had never been much for gym rats but Peeta didn't seem like a gym rat even though he must spend a lot of time working out to get this physique. When the movie finished he grabbed my hand and ostentatiously went over to the others to say hi. I watched Gale's reaction. He just grinned and gave me a pat on the shoulder. "So you finally got yourself a boyfriend? Don't scare him off with the arrows." I rolled my eyes but inwardly felt disappointed. Gale didn't seem to notice my outfit or how I had a boy interested in me. In fact, he seemed just kind of amused and almost happy for me. Madge seemed so excited. She whispered in my ear how great it was that I was dating Peeta. "He's such a great guy. And he's cute too." Somehow my disappointment didn't seem as great as I expected. I had just had a nice time. Even though I had failed to make Gale jealous I had watched a great movie. And Peeta was just as nice as Madge said. He was easy to talk to. I found out over the next few weeks that being his "fake girlfriend" had definite perks. He gave me baked goods, posted inspirational posts on my Facebook page, and sat with me and Madge. We sometimes spent hours texting back and forth about books, movies, and TV shows. I talked about how I would probably be spending my first years of college at the community college since like many kids in Panem I couldn't afford the state university. He talked about how he wanted to be an artist but his mom wanted him to get a degree in business. We went to see more movies and he took me to Winter Formal. When I posted a picture on my Instagram Gale posted an emoji with a smiling face and wrote, "You two are way too cute." I shut off my phone and tried to sleep. It was starting to dawn on me that my plan wasn't really working the way I had intended. Gale and I were no closer than before. I certainly hadn't convinced him to date me. And something else hurt too. I'd grown used to having Peeta Mellark in my life. I wondered what it would be like when we were no longer texting about Star Wars, web series and science fiction novels. I had started to notice how handsome he was. I mean I had noticed before, I'm not blind, but I started noticing and finding it affect me. His eyes were so blue and his eyelashes were golden but very long so they looked like they'd tangle up but they never did. I found him easy going but sometimes he had a toughness that reminded me he didn't win debates or wresting championships by being nice. There was one thing I had to try before I fully accepted the fact that my feelings for Gale were unrequited. I needed to show him I wasn't completely innocent. Maybe if I kissed someone else that would show that I wasn't a child anymore. The problem was that I had never been kissed. And I wasn't sure if Peeta would even want to kiss me. Pretending to date and hanging out wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was fun. But he might draw the line at kissing. I mean, I wasn't anything special and kissing me wouldn't probably be that great. I didn't know what I was doing. That night as we walked by the little lake my father used to take me to fish I blurted out, "Would it like…um.. freak you out to kiss me? Cause I've never been kissed and well…I" "Wanted to know what it's like?" Peeta finished. I glanced down at my feet. Yeah, honestly I did. Right now wasn't about making anyone jealous. There was no one around to see. I just wanted to know what this kissing thing was all about. People seemed to like doing it in movies. "Yeah, I'd like to. And well, I was thinking it would be good…practice." I saw a shadow pass across his face but he smiled at me. "Ok. Everdeen. You start." I lunged forward and pressed my mouth to his. But I completely miscalculated and ended up knocking noses and teeth. I felt red creep across my face in embarrassment. I was hopeless. "Ok, well, here. Close your eyes." I closed my eyes feeling the weight of his gaze on my face. "Tilt your face towards me." I tilted my head a few inches. "And here. This is a soft kiss. The kind you can do in public." His lips pressed against mine for just a couple of seconds. His lips were warm and soft. A little warmth seeped into my body. "And?" I asked. That didn't seem like the most spectacular kiss. It was nice but I had expected something a little more…intense. More like the movies. I might be an inexperienced person but that didn't mean I didn't watch R rated movies. "This is a real kiss." I felt his mouth descend on mine again. This time he nipped at my bottom lip until I parted my lips a little. Then he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. His hands found their way into my hair and I pressed myself closer to him. I found myself eager to explore. The warmth was growing inside and seemed to want to find a way to leak out of me somehow. I started running my fingers through his hair. All too soon he pulled away. "Was that what you were looking for?" he asked. I nodded. Now that I had discovered I liked kissing him I wanted another one. But probably it had been just a kind gesture on his part once he figured out I was so hopeless at it. "Yeah, I" I hesitated and finally said, "I really liked it." "And this is how you make out." I sighed in relief when he kissed me again. This time I kept my mouth half open and focused on trying to mirror his actions. Then I felt his tongue press against mine. For a second I was a little grossed out. Then I felt the warmth inside me start burning down my fingers and legs. A moan slid out of my mouth making me blush. This was a little too intense. But I didn't want to pull away. It felt so good. When he kissed the side of my neck I sighed. It didn't matter anymore if all of this was fake. "Wow," I whispered when he finally pulled away and grinned at me. He gave me another kiss right before I left the car to go into my house. It was much closer to the first type but it still left a smile on my face. My mother saw me and said, "You like that boy?" I hesitated to wonder when that had happened. But I still felt obligated to try to complete my plan. And besides, there was no way a popular, handsome boy like Peeta Mellark would ever like an average girl like me. "Yeah, he's nice." She laughed and said, "More than nice if that mark on your neck is any indication." I had expected her to be mad but I always forgot my mother was pretty modern and cool about things. She believed me when I told her we hadn't done anything more than kiss. I told her I wasn't ready for anything else. "That may be true. But I'm not taking any chances. You're going to start taking birth control. It's good to help regulate your periods anyway. I just want you to be safe." My mom had already talked about sex and had encouraged me and Prim to come to her with any questions. So far I hadn't had any need to. I was always surprised at how my mom dealt with this. I didn't think I needed birth control. I was definitely not ready to have sex. But I also knew people who had thought the same thing and had gotten into trouble. So I let her discuss birth control options and all those other embarrassing details. The next week I went to Madge's birthday party. Peeta was invited but had to cancel after he got the flu. I went by myself. For some reason, I felt much more confident. I decided that now was the time to confront Gale and ask him if his feelings for me had changed. I sat there and drank soda and played some weird game with Annie. Annie and Finnick were being ridiculously adorable. It almost made me envious. Even though I didn't believe in soulmates I didn't doubt their love. I stepped outside and started as I saw two people on the other side of Madge's ridiculously huge pool. Madge and Gale. Kissing heatedly. I felt my stomach drop as I saw Gale draw back and look her in the eyes. It was different than with Cashmere. I knew neither Cashmere or Gale meant anything serious by it. They were just looking to have a good time. But Madge was well…my best friend. And …She was kissing the boy I liked. And of course, it was Madge. Madge who looked perfect with her amazing pale skin, blue eyes, and full figure. Madge with her piano playing and perfectly applied lipstick and intelligence. I felt resentment surge up in me. Madge had known about my feelings. I thought I made them clear enough. I had told her about a year ago I liked Gale. But I hadn't said anything more. And then I started dating Peeta. Of course, I started dating Peeta. "Katniss…" I saw her turn and look at me. She looked shocked at my expression. Then she pulled away and raced towards me. "Katniss, I thought…" "You thought what…" I spit out. All I could think of is how much time I had spent crying over someone who would never like me. Who would like my best friend instead? I remembered what Johanna had said. Belatedly I realized she was right. "I thought that you and Peeta. Once you started dating. I mean you weren't going to date someone while liking someone else." Madge looked near tears. "It wasn't real. We just pretended to date. I was trying to make him jealous. I told you I liked him. And then you went behind my back to date him." I felt my stomach flip. I glanced up to see Gale was standing near Madge. He looked shocked and almost angry. At me. Shame filtered through me. I was so stupid. Stupid to ever think anyone would really want…me. Ordinary Katniss Everdeen with her weird habits and inability to see things the way they really were. "I didn't know, Katniss. How was I supposed to know you were fake dating Peeta. Which was a low blow. Peeta has been crazy about you forever. And you can't see what's right in front of your face." Madge turned and ran into the house. I paused trying to digest what she had said. Peeta crazy about me? That was impossible. Then I remembered his kind words when we first started this experiment, all the thoughtful gestures and those melting kisses by the lake. Had I misinterpreted everything? Did he really like me? And what's more, did I like him back? "I didn't know, Katniss." I looked up to see Gale looking at me. "I thought you were just joking around. But I guess I've always seen you as the crazy kid sister." "I know. I was stupid. I knew it I just hoped…" I trailed off feeling miserably embarrassed and wanting to throw myself in that pool. "And Madge is right. Don't throw away something right in front of your face. I know you well enough that you aren't a very good actress. But you and Peeta looked pretty real." "I'm sorry. I messed everything up so badly." I sank down on a chair by the pool. Gale handed me a can of Coke and I took a few sips. "We all do from time to time. And I know what you mean. Last year I was just determined to have the complete college experience. A few hangovers and bad hookups later I realized that wasn't what I wanted from life. And Madge is one of those people." "I'm glad," I whispered. "And remember, Catnip," I turned around. "If you break up with Mellark you won't get all those cheese buns you like so much." In spite of myself, I laughed. I found Madge and apologized for accusing her of something she hadn't done. I had been the one who was less than forthcoming. I went home and had a good cry over it. I felt a little bit like a fool. Part of me was starting to realize I hadn't been in love at all. I had just been fixated on the only boy who ever paid me any kind of attention. And liking Gale was safe especially since he hadn't returned my feelings. There wasn't anything vulnerable about that. I didn't feel that same mind-numbing warmth that I felt that night at the lake. Admittedly I had only kissed Peeta but I still felt it even when I wasn't kissing him. The next day Madge changed her relationship status to "In a relationship" and posted a picture of her and Gale together. I posted a cheerful comment congratulating them. I then sent Peeta a text saying that when he was better I wanted to talk to him. Later that day he replied that he was really sick and probably wouldn't be able to see me for awhile. I forced myself not to worry. Peeta was healthy and strong and even though the flu had been bad this year he was able to fight it off. When I told my mom he was sick she marched off to the deli to get chicken soup and ran it by his family's bakery. I sat there and fought back insecurity. Then I went up to the door and saw Mr. Mellark open it. "Katniss, how are you?" he asked. "Please, isn't there something I can do?" I was definitely not a nurse. "You shouldn't be here. You'll catch this thing. But if you want to go up there for a few minutes I'm sure he'll appreciate seeing you." Mr. Mellark said. "Hey Peeta," I said as I walked into his room. He looked pretty awful honestly. His face was red and he looked so pale other places and he just looked sick. "Katniss," he croaked. "Why are you here?" "Had to check on you," I replied. "The act is over. Why do you care?" he replied. I realized he must have seen Madge's post. Did he think I cared that little about him? Yeah, he probably did. I had never indicated that he was anything but a means to an end. No wonder he was upset. I hadn't been a very good friend. "Of course I care. You're my friend. And we have to talk when you're better. My mom got some chicken soup." I opened the window to let in a little fresh air. "Ok," he said wearily. "Remember we're madly in love. Feel free to kiss me anytime." I laughed. He was quoting that stupid movie we watched a few weeks before. That dystopian young adult movie where the hero said those exact words. "Hmm not right now. I don't want to catch your germs." I went home feeling a little better. Once Peeta and I talked I felt sure I could resolve the differences between us. But it was almost two weeks until I saw him again. I caught his flu and spent the next week coughing and shivering under the covers and regretting coming to see him. I didn't want to talk to him at school. There were way too many people around. So I asked him to meet me after school at the lake. I sat there nervously trying to think up something to say. Hey Peeta, I want you to be my boyfriend for real. Sorry for fake dating you almost three months to get another guy. No, that sounded crazy. I looked like a ditzy girl who didn't know her own mind. "Hey Katniss," Peeta stood before me with a smile but it didn't seem like a genuine one. I noticed his eyes still looked sad. "Hey," I replied. My brain was stuck in a panic loop. I wasn't sure what to say. "I just want to know I'm not blaming you. I mean you were nothing but honest about this whole thing. I was the stupid one who thought things might be changing. I know Gale's like most girls dream and I can't compete. I'm just sorry things didn't work out for you." Peeta sat down beside me on the picnic bench. I blinked, not sure how to respond. Peeta honest thought he wasn't able to compete with Gale. He was popular, handsome and just so charming. "That's not true. You're like the most popular person at school. Everyone likes you." "Yeah, well, believe it or not being popular doesn't make you hot." Peeta shook his head sadly. "Now stop that right now. Stop with the nice guy so girls don't like me bull shit." I glared at him for a second. "I think you're hot. And sweet and basically the best boyfriend a girl could have. Fake or otherwise. It's kinda terrifying. You brought not just flowers for me but also ones for my mom and sister. Prim is still raving about it and my mom basically signed my future away." "Katniss, I really appreciate the pep talk but…" "But what?" "I like you for real. It's not a game for me. It never was. And I know you have feelings for someone else. I get that. I can't pretend anymore, though." Peeta flushed and looked away. "And I was so blind. I didn't see what was right in front of me. I was so focused on what I thought I wanted I didn't notice what I did want." "And what did you want?" "You," He tried arguing with me but I wrapped myself around him and continued, "I want what we had before. But this time for real." His eyes brightened and I smiled. I then dove in and pressed my mouth against his. I had missed kissing him. It felt so good to have his arms around me anchoring me in place and feel the warmth flowing through my veins again. "You like me, real or not real?" he asked as we pulled away for breath. I leaned in again and murmured in his ear, "Real."

#thg #the hunger games #everlark #everlark fanfiction #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark

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aquilacalvitium · 7 years ago

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I just finished watching Jack play the boss and there are a few things I’d like to say to him.

To start off, I’m not going to pretend that I’m special or any better than the rest of the community; I’m just a random face in the crowd. I’ve made fanart and a work-in-progress fanfiction of Jackieboy Man, but other than that I haven’t really done much that would make me stand out. Regardless, I continue to give my full love and support on everything you do.

Now, I wish I could tell you that you helped me out of a dark point in my life like many other people, but that’s simply not the case. My life was nowhere special, not really headed anywhere special. The worst years of my life were already behind me. I was a completely different person to who I am now when I first stumbled across your channel. I can’t remember what videos of yours I watched first, but they must have had something special to make me want to subscribe, especially since I was very against swearing back then. I think that was near the end of 2015? Maybe 2016? I can’t remember. Probably 2015 though so let’s stick with that.

After a video or two I went silent on your channel for a few months as I continued to watch more family-friendly YouTubers until one day one of your videos showed up on my recommended list. I thought, what the hell? And clicked on it. Again, I don’t remember what video I watched, but I do remember laughing until my stomach hurt and thinking to myself, why did I ever stop watching him? I was hooked from then on.

Over time I got more and more invested in your videos, eventually got accustomed to your humour, and finally decided to join Tumblr. That decision had nothing to do with your channel when I made it, but it soon turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

It was so much easier to connect with people on Tumblr and most of the first blogs I followed were associated with your channel. Blogs like @chase-brody-protection-squad for example.

Within a couple of weeks, I’d found a fair few people who were also fans of your channel and Tumblr was starting to feel less like social media and more like a place where all these amazing people could hang out. I felt very blessed to be among them.

Now, the Tumblr JSE community feels like a second home to me. Other fandoms just feel like a mass of people competing to be the best fan or to see who gets to meet their idols first or trying to make them do things for entertainment or be in relationships. Honestly other fandoms can feel like total hell sometimes. The JSE community is anything but that. It feels like more of a safe space where everyone can be themselves and no one is competing or shouting over each other - except in friendly ways. I feel like I can go up to almost any JSE fan and strike up a conversation, be it a friendly debate, a question or just a passing comment. Everyone gets along with everyone here which is just the best feeling ever.

Another thing I wanted to say is about something you addressed in the last video of The BOSS. You’re worried sometimes that people only come to see Jacksepticeye and don’t acknowledge Sean at all. I know for a fact that many people do but I’m going to speak for myself here. I may call you Jack because it’s the name I’m most used to hearing, but I’m really here for both Jack and Sean. Jack is the guy who makes me laugh and can brighten up any day. Sean is the guy who looks after us and genuinely cares for our wellbeing. One can’t be without the other. Otherwise, you’re not you.

Jack is the guy I see on camera, the guy who makes me laugh and smile all the time. Sean is the guy I think about when I think about you outside of your videos, and the guy who’s wellbeing I care about most. When I read your Twitter updates, I imagine what Sean might be doing at that moment, and how he must be feeling. Probably hanging out with Signe or his friends, or maybe trying to get work done.

I realise that sometimes YouTube or your personal life can get you down which is why I, among others, encourage you to take a step back and relax. You don’t have to be Jack, but you also don’t have to be Sean. Be whoever you feel most comfortable being.

To me, you’re not a brand. You’re not just a loud guy on my screen. You’re not just a person shouting and swearing at video games. You’re a genuine, caring and loving person who puts hours upon hours of effort into making us smile in whatever way possible. You’re a person with a life, feelings and relationships, all of which should be and - as far as I know - are respected by the community - which is more than I can say about other fandoms.

You’ve also inspired me and changed me for the better. I was inspired by other YouTubers to make my YouTube channel, but after a while things got slow and I stopped making videos. I was in a creative slump and was about to give up. Then you, along with one or two others, inspired me to keep going and doing my best. I completely rebranded my channel and started making new, different videos. By now I have sixty subscribers which is absolutely amazing! I know it doesn’t seem that much, but I only rebranded five months ago, so to gain a following that big in that amount of time is mind-blowing to me! I owe it all to you and a couple of others. You’ve also encouraged me to be as genuine as possible. I always try my best to make it clear in my videos that I’m being myself and I’m just doing it to make others happy. I make videos now because I enjoy it, but also because I love making other people smile - it’s the best feeling!

I’m not as creative as you and I don’t have much recording equipment so my videos aren’t great. I’m also trying to survive college so my current schedule is one video a month. But I keep trying, because if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that if I enjoy something, I should follow it!

I just want to say thank you to the JSE community for all being to kind and genuine and just overall really lovely people. Every single person I’ve spoken to in this community has been incredible. And it’s not just the people I talk to, it’s the people I see/hear talking to and encouraging each other. A perfect example would be at this year’s PAX where one person stodd up to ask you a question and hesitated because they were scared. I almost teared up with pride when I heard fans shouting encouragement from their seats, letting that person know that there was nothing to worry about.

I look up to you as more than a YouTuber or idol, but as a friend. The way you interact with the community as a whole and individual people within the community doesn’t feel quite like an entertainer addressing his fans, but as a great friend, guiding and helping all of his friends. Nothing I say will ever come close to expressing the amount of gratitude and love that I have for you, but I hope this post can get the message across.

I’m sorry it’s so long, but I’ve had all of this building up over a while now and I needed to get it out.

In conclusion, I love you and the community with my entire heart and I honestly don’t know where my life would be without you all.

Thank you, Sean, from the very bottom of my heart, and thank you to the entire JSE community.

I could leave on a long, sappy note, but all I’m going to say for now is...

PMA!

@therealjacksepticeye

#jse #jacksepticeye #thank you #thank you all so much #I love you all #you're the best

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barbecuedphoenix · 7 years ago

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200 Followers: 11 Things About Me

So I was re-tagged a week ago by @eldarya-scenarios. (I had no idea I tagged you twice, dear. ^_^ Having two aliases is awfully sneaky.)

If you’re a little curious on who your friendly fan blogger is behind the Leiftan icon and the barrage of text-winks, feel free to read on. Watch out though: it’s a long post like everything else I write...

And if not, please continue to enjoy this blog’s smart-assery and the text-winks. ;)

1) Why did you name your blog the way you did? ...Because that’s the screen-name I use for my main Eldarya account. I’m not very creative with names. :( Not to mention that it’s probably very politically-incorrect to say ‘Barbecued Phoenix’ in the faery realm. Huang Hua would not be amused. And my blog is guaranteed to be politically-incorrect as far as folklore and faeries are concerned. ;) My screen-name is actually homage to a Neil Gaiman short-story called ‘Sunbird’, which is still one of my favorites from its double serving of dark humor and culinary catastrophes. And it sounds really funny when you say it out-loud (at least that’s my opinion).

2) What was your last meal? *checks bowl next to laptop* Eh… a fruit salad I scraped together from some Rainier cherries and leftover cantaloupe slices. It’s summer here, and I enjoy my fruits. :)

3) Jeans or skirts? …I must have at least nine different pairs of jeans in my closet, half of which I don’t even wear most days. And just one pencil skirt. Because at least once in my life, I’ll need to go to a court room. So there’s your answer. :)

4) What’s your favourite letter of the alphabet? In the English alphabet, ‘L’ is my favorite. It just rollllls off the tongue so nicely. :)

5) Favourite fandom/shipping? I’m a mercenary crack-ship writer. Anything goes so long as characters are in-character. ;) *cough* Truthfully, I haven’t shipped anything in a fandom since I was eleven or twelve, and that was waaaay back when the cartoon series Avatar the Last Airbender premiered. I think that experience has inoculated me to serious shipping. So now, while I enjoy seeing a well-developed, well-paced canon romance (because it means the creators have really thought the story through), it’s never a huge concern for me who’s paired up with whom. Romance isn’t actually the selling point for me for a lot of stories; it’s individual character development and plot direction that counts. And anyway… fan shipping is really a fabrication. With a bit of imagination, effort, and tactical writing, functional relationships can be spun between anything and anyone, and unraveled in the same way. Even when keeping all parties in character. So why blow a gasket over shipping? To each their own dirty little fancies. ;)

As for my fandoms… they’re a patchwork quilt of games, books, movies, TV shows, anime from a lot of different sources, and it changes every year. For the sake of time, I’ll give a rundown of just the fantasy/supernatural genres I’ve been following for a while (translating some of the titles to English when possible):

Games: the Dragon Age series, Folklore (also called FolksSoul), Uncharted, the Persona series

Books: Discworld, His Dark Materials, the Dr. Siri Paiboun series, the Temeraire series, The Tiger’s Wife, Brisingamen, pretty much anything done by Neil Gaiman… the list goes on. With a few rare exceptions, I’ve shifted from being a high fantasy lover (those tropes get old after a while) to an acolyte of more low-key genres like magical-realism, fantasy-historical-fiction, and satirical-fantasy.

TV Shows: Supernatural

Anime & Cartoons: the Fate series (even though my fanfiction ends up making fun of it 95% of the time, it’s still a really intricate universe), the Avatar series

Movies: Practically anything done by Studio Ghibli and Tomm Moore, ‘Coraline’, ‘Corpse Bride’, ‘Therapy for a Vampire’, ‘Let the Right One In’, ‘Groundhog Day’, the very first installation of ‘The Hobbit’

6) What’s your favourite sport? (You don’t necessarily have to play it) Favorite sport I can’t do, but love to watch: Surfing. Forget berserk football matches; give me a crazy Australian riding a tunnel wave any day. :D Favorite sport I can do: Bicycling. I’m no Tour de France candidate, but my bike regularly takes its share of unreasonable hills and descents in the city where I live. Personally, It’s a great way to get around. ^_^

7) What’s your idea of a perfect day? Getting everything on my list done with minimal coffee and hair-pulling. -_- Sorry… I’m still listening to the robot half of my brain. Switching over. Start the day by making a difference and sharing a good time with both the students I see where I work, and the odd friends and colleagues I do have. Attend a really good lecture. Then take a quiet bus ride to the beach or an aquarium, where I can watch all the wildlife shenanigans I want. Tourists included. Cook something awesome for lunch or dinner, and eat it to discover that it’s still more awesome. End the day with a good book, an avalanche of blankets, and a conveniently-rainy night. And maybe a quick Skype/phone call with my dad. ;( Oh there I go, listening to the sappy half of my brain. Switching over.

8) What animal do you hate with all your soul? The logical part of my brain tells me I have no cause to loathe any animal for existing. But the cave-woman part of my brain still gets creeped out by a few of them…. Geckos especially. Because the house where I grew up was infested with them (like a typical equatorial house, actually). The geckos could be found on absolutely any flat surface, even the underside of the table and on the ceiling, so we always had to check right before sitting down that something cold, bug-eyed, and squirmy wasn’t going to drop on us in the middle of dinner. And they also liked to appear in other surprising places: like in your shoes (as my father found out one day while rushing to work), inside drawers, inside trash cans, crushed between door hinges, trapped in the kitchen sink, and inside the refrigerator a couple of times (worst idea ever, for a lizard). One of the best things that happened to me on moving to this corner of the United States: no geckos anywhere. I can clean my apartment with an easy heart. \o/

9) Can you dance? Besides some lingering muscle memory from my early days doing classical ballet... no. :( I’d really like to take up Spanish Flamenco though. Generally, I do better with choreographed dances rather than impromptu club-dancing. As all my friends have told me. I’ve given them so many priceless memories on the dance-floor…

10) What’s the name and age of your favourite character? (OC or otherwise) I can’t decide on a ‘favorite’ character in media; there’s too many of them. So how about a favorite OC instead? ^_^ Right now among the Eldarya OC cast, my favorite would have to be Zephania ‘Zee’ Tantiango because she’s a magnet for trouble as a protagonist very dynamic heroine to work with. (She’s 23, in case you’re interested.) Zee is actually the latest incarnation of the ‘funny-but-unlucky action heroine’ archetype I’ve spent years working on, and I’m happy with how she’s turning out so far. On one hand, she’s the typical small-town heroine who’s sharp, plucky, energetic, and more than a little kooky herself; the story never stops moving once she starts improvising in a tight situation. :) But there’s a strong undercurrent of tragedy in the way she continues to isolate herself through her pride and her decisions, especially because she’s allergic to either admitting that she’s in real trouble, or cutting herself some slack for her mistakes. There’s a lot of sadness behind that finger-snap smile. I’m still debating on whether to give her a good ending, or a bitter one. :( No, that was not a spoiler for the fan-fiction that’ll one day hit this blog.

11) What got you into your favourite activity?(i.e how did you start?) Favorite activity? Like… a hobby? Well the longest-running hobby I’ve ever had is writing (no guesses there). And it was more-or-less self-taught. As a kid, nobody could take me anywhere without a book in my hand, or some other adventure happening inside my own head (which made it awfully inconvenient to get my attention in a mall… but hey, I never wandered off). And writing short stories was always the most entertaining school assignment for me. But it wasn’t until I started home-schooling at thirteen that I found the time and need to write something for myself, putting to paper those increasingly-complex sagas and fan-fictions that lived in my head (because my short-term recall just couldn’t keep track of all the dialogue and plot twists anymore; I needed to start recording my stories to make sense of them.) And I haven’t stopped since. :)

Uh-oh. Here come… my questions. For @mentacomchocolate, @areyntheheartseeker, and @the-irish-hoor.

Why did you name your blogs the way you did? ;)

What would your honest personal reaction be if you accidentally stepped into a fairy ring, landed in a strange place, and got threatened by a fox-lady wielding fireballs?

What’s your dream job in this life?

Is there anyone you have a crush on that you’re still really embarrassed to admit? Would you like to mention them anyway? ;)

If there’s only one book genre you could spend the rest of your life reading, what will it be?

What are the top 5 things you geek out over? (Today, at least. ;) )

If you’ve been given a 24-hour advance warning that the world is definitely going to end (i.e. via Death Star), what will you do?

And if you’ve been given an exclusive two-person escape pod during above scenario, what/who would you bring with you to escape the planet? Would you want to?

If your friends can agree on one thing about you, what would it be? Do you agree with them?

What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you this past week?

What do you remember as your most incredible feat of endurance to date? Physical, mental, and/or social?

*looks up* ...All right, those are some weird questions. I won’t blame you at all if you ignore them.

#Q&A #tag post #blog milestone #200 followers #OC: Zephania

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