#I couldn’t stop talkin about him and how nervous I am about this entire situation

[campirefangs]

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

Payback ~~ Happy Birthday Burns!!!!!!!

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x Casey Valentine

Series: The Bones

Series Note: Just a small housekeeping note... Working on this got me thinking about the chronology of this series and I came to the realization that Flirt and, by extension, this fic, fit in better before Surprise, so I have changed my masterlist to reflect that.

Summary: Casey figures out how Bryce can pay up on an unsettled IOU. A follow-up to Flirt.

Word Count: 5170 (helluva way to break 6 months of writer’s block LOL)

Warnings: Language (if this ever doesn’t appear here, send help because something is seriously wrong with me lmao)

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry

A/N: Happy Happy Birthday @burnsoslow!!! This is 100% written for you and 100% because of you!!!! You requested fluffy Bryce and Casey and this is me hoping I have given that to you!! What?!?!? Not me struggling to write fluff without adding in that dash of angst I’m so fond of LMAO

I literally don’t know if there are words enough to express just how much I love and appreciate you, but this is me attempting to find them anyway 💜💜 From my very first crazy message all those months ago I know I should have come with a warning label... it fell off during transport so I am so very sorry about that LMAO, I have felt so unbelievably lucky that I have been able to get to know you. You are one of the most supportive people I have ever met. You are so kind and caring and genuine. You are also the coolest badass with an insanely awesome sense of humor. I love how we totally lose our minds over sports -- especially football lol -- together is it Sunday yet? this wait is fucking killing me and my nerves are already through the damned roof LMAO But what I love even more than that is the way we can talk about everything in between too -- all the ups and downs of everyday life. I truly treasure your friendship so so much and I hope your birthday is as amazing as you are!!! Love you!!!!!!!

A/N #2: Thank you soooooo much @bbrandy2002 for reading over this for me and calming my nerves over this!!!!

“Yo, B!”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Remember that IOU you still haven’t paid up on?”

The slight hesitation in Bryce’s voice gave him away even as he lied, “Uh…no? What are you talkin’ bout?”

Raising an eyebrow even though he was in his bedroom while she was in the living room, Casey prodded, “Sure ya do, love. It was after you hit on that poor, new surgical nurse and you somehow ended up making a date with her. I went with you and helped smooth the situation over because your whiny ass was terrified of having all of the surgical nurses pissed at you.”

He skulked into the living room and plopped down on the couch with her so that his head was laying in her lap. She knew the look he was giving her – hair flopped down just over his eyebrow while he was looking up through his lashes at her – was entirely deliberate as he muttered, “I thought maybe you’d decided that that whole fiasco was punishment enough.”

“Not even close, Bryce. I literally had to go explain to that poor girl that you were in a relationship with me while simultaneously making sure that she didn’t think you were a creep or a two-timing asshat. I deserve to get something outta that shit.”

“Ugh. Ok… fine. So…what kind of torture am I about to endure?”

Casey tried to shove Bryce’s head off of her lap, but he just wrapped his left arm around her back and laughed at her attempt. “You are impossible, you know this?”

“Yet you love me anyway.”

“Sometimes I really wonder why, though.”

He ran his hand lightly up under her shirt along her side, stopping when his thumb was able to brush the skin just below her bra. Just that simple touch was enough to have Casey’s breath catching and a self-satisfied smirk spread across his face. “Do you need a refresher course, Case?”

Summoning up all the inner strength she could find, Casey bit back the moan bubbling up the back of her throat and rolled her eyes exaggeratedly at him. “No, Bryce, I don’t. I know all about those magic hands” – another eye roll for emphasis – “of yours. Don’t think you are going to distract me into forgetting what this conversation is about.”

Bryce huffed out a sigh through the deep pout that had settled over his face and she had to bite the inside of her lip to keep a smile from breaking out over her own. She waited a few beats until he finally dropped his hand back down so it was resting against her hip before quirking an eyebrow up and leveling him with her best are-you-shitting-me stare. “Do you really think that you shouldn’t have to pay up after that bullshit, Bryce?”

“Ugh. Of course I know that I owe you for that. I was just… hoping that you would take pity on me and not cash it in.”

“I swear, sometimes it’s like you’ve never even met me before.”

A streak of pain shot across his face so quickly that if she hadn’t been watching him so closely, if she didn’t know him so well, she would have never even picked up on it. But she had and she did and it sent a stab of guilt rocketing through her so strongly, she almost tossed aside the ruse that she had taken so much care in plotting out. Rather than changing course completely, however, she opted for a slight detour to reassure him instead. “Love, you know I was only joking.” When Bryce tried to interrupt, she placed an index finger over his lips to silence him while she ran the fingers of her other hand soothingly through his hair. “You know me better than anyone in this world ever has. Ever will. Okay?”

Bryce’s eyes had slipped closed, a soft smile turning the corners of his lips up, as she spoke and Casey couldn’t help but trace her finger across his eyelids and then down across his lips. When she got to the middle of his lower lip, his lips parted and he gently nipped at the tip of her finger. The sudden move startled a breathless laugh from her and when she met his eyes again, they were full of mischief.

Shaking her head good-naturedly at him, she was about to scold him – playfully – when Bryce mirrored her earlier gesture and placed a finger across her lips. “I give, alright? Just take mercy on me and tell me what kind of penance I’m about to pay.”

“Do you always have to be so damned dramatic?”

“Case…”

“Fine! I need you to drive me to a meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Is … that it? Just a ride?”

Confusion knit his brows together and instinctively Casey ran her fingertips between and over them to soothe the wrinkles away before whispering, “Yes and no.” Shaking her head slightly to get herself back on track, she added, “It’s going to require fighting rush-hour traffic to get downtown” – his groan brought a smile to her lips – “and I… I would like you to go in with me.”

“Seriously? You are dragging me down there in that bullshit and making me sit through some boring meeting with you?”

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Cocking a defiant eyebrow at him, Casey challenged, “Is that a problem?”

Feeling more than hearing the sigh he huffed out, Casey bit back a laugh at the look of horror on Bryce’s face that was ruined by the humor dancing in his eyes. “I do this and then we’re even, right?” When she nodded her agreement, he let out a melodramatic groan before finally muttering, “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Twelve hours later, Casey was struggling to decide whether she was going to join Bryce in cussing out the idiot drivers that seemed to be out in full force on their morning commutes or start laughing hysterically at his outbursts. After chancing a glance at him out of the corner of her eye and seeing the tight lines of frustration and irritation marring his beautiful expression, Casey instead decided to try and lighten his tension.

Reaching over to gently pull his right hand off of the steering wheel while they were once again stopped after only moving half a foot on the freeway, she laced their fingers together. When Bryce didn’t even glance in her direction, she had to bite back the brief flare of hurt, reminding herself that he wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt her. Seeing that the traffic was probably going to be at a standstill for a bit longer, Casey carefully leaned across the console to place a quick, gentle kiss to his cheek before whispering in his ear, “Thank you so much for doing this with me. I…I really didn’t want to have to do this alone.” With her nerves getting the better of her and realizing how much she could be setting herself up for humiliation, or worse, she couldn’t bite back the honest admission.

Before she could settle back into her seat, Bryce tightened his fingers around hers where their hands were resting against his thigh. Finally turning to look at her, his eyes fell to her lips as he murmured, “C’mere.”

Despite her half-hearted, at best, protest of, “But the traffic,” Casey found herself leaning back in to press her lips against his. Although the kiss was incredibly brief, it was also soft and sweet, managing to settle the nerves she hadn’t expected to be feeling.

When she was once again situated properly in her seat, Bryce brought their linked hands up so that he could press a kiss to the back of hers. "You know, you never did tell me what all this is about.”

Forcing a calmness into her voice that she didn’t quite feel, Casey feigned innocence on a gasped, “Oh, I didn’t?”

“No, babe. You didn’t. So… you gonna tell me what’s got you so nervous this morning?”

He wasn’t supposed to notice that!

Fumbling for what she could say to mollify him without giving up what was about to go down, Casey was relieved when she noticed both that traffic was moving once again and that their exit was coming up in just over a mile. “Hey love, this next exit is ours.”

Somehow giving her a side-eye while still keeping his focus on merging into the needed lane, Bryce muttered, "I know what you’re doing.”

Her heart leapt into her throat, out of both anxiousness and frustration that her plan was blown but before she could respond, he added, “You’re trying to avoid answering my question by giving me directions.”

That pulled a genuine laugh out of her and she couldn’t help but sass, “Oh, yes. I’m only telling you how to get to our destination as an avoidance tactic. Not because I want to… oh, I dunno, get there on time, or anything.”

Bryce’s lips twitched and she knew he was trying to fight back a smile, but he remained silent for the rest of the drive, allowing her to navigate them to the parking garage that she was told to utilize on her last phone call with the receptionist.

He turned to her with the most intense puppy-dog look he’d given her to date after parking and practically whined, “Are you seriously gonna force me to sit through whatever this is after making me face rush hour?”

Fighting back her dismay by reminding herself that he didn’t know why they were downtown so he couldn’t be rejecting her, Casey schooled her expression into one of annoyance. “She cried, Bryce. You embarrassed that poor girl so bad that she was fucking bawling. And you got saved by that damned pager of yours, so I had to comfort and reassure her all by myself.”

He at least had the grace to look ashamed at that as he held his hands up in defeat. “Okay. Okay. I get it. No more complaints from me.”

“Good. Now let’s go before I’m late.”

Fully expecting Bryce to still be pouting, Casey was slightly surprised when he was waiting for her at the back of his car, his arm outstretched towards her with a soft smile on his face. She tried to take his hand, but he encouraged her to wrap her arm around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders and settled her in against his side instead. Before they took off towards the elevator bank, he dropped a kiss to the top of her head and whispered into her hair, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a baby about this, Case. Even if I didn’t owe you for that, which I definitely do, I’d be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

Resisting the urge to growl at him for being so damned sweet when she was trying to torture him, she squeezed his side and laid her head on his shoulder. “I know you are, B.”

“Okay then. Let’s get this shit over with. Whatever this shit is.”

“Ugh, don’t worry about it. You’ll know here soon enough.”

After making their way into the huge office building just down the street from the parking garage and up the elevator to the twentieth floor, the couple were standing in front of the office of the realtor that Casey had been talking to for the last few weeks, unbeknownst to Bryce. The minute that they came to a stop, still wrapped in each other’s arms, she could feel the tension flood his body and wondered for the hundredth time if using this as payback was a good idea. Still, she steeled herself, knowing she would never be able to come up with a different plan that would be satisfactory enough to fulfill this particular IOU.

“Casey?”

“Yeah?”

There was an unmistakable hint of panic in his voice as he asked, “This is where your meeting is?”

“Yeah, it is. Now come on. My appointment is in like two minutes and I don’t want to be late.”

His feet stayed planted as she stepped forward to open the door, his hand tightening on her shoulder keeping her in place. She felt her expression soften when she glanced up into his terrified eyes. Forcing herself to push on, she deliberately misinterpreted his fear, telling him, “It’s okay, Bryce. It’s just an office. I’m not gonna make you do paperwork or anything.” Well, actually I hope that is a lie.

“But – “

“C’mon. Seriously, I’m about to be late and I’m just standing out here in the hallway.” It took her practically dragging him, but Casey managed to get both him and herself into the reception area of the office, where she was met with a kind, understanding smile of the receptionist that she had spent a great deal of time talking to and planning with.

“Hello and welcome to Mortemer Realty. My name is Peyton and we are so happy to have you here today. Can I get you guys something to drink? Water, coffee?”

Casey looked up at Bryce waiting for him to answer, but after taking in his dazed look, she realized he likely hadn’t heard Peyton’s question so answered for him instead. “Could we have a couple bottles of water?”

“Certainly, I’ll be right back with those. And Edward should be ready for you in just a moment. He was just finishing up a phone call.”

As soon as she walked away, Bryce’s face snapped down to Casey’s with his eyes narrowed. “The fuck are we – you – doing here?”

Before Casey could reply, the door to an inner office and the realtor, Edward, stepped out. “Ah, Casey! It’s such a delight to see you again.” Bryce’s hand once again tightened around her shoulder at the word “again.”

Reaching her free hand, luckily her right, out to close around Edward’s for a handshake, she gave him a bright smile and replied, “It’s good to see you again as well. I’m” – she took in what she hoped was a hopefully silent, steadying breath – “excited to get this ball rolling!”

“Excellent! And I see Peyton has already taken drink orders.” Giving Peyton an exaggerated wink and a smile that she returned, Edward waited until she had given both Bryce and Casey their bottles before continuing, “Is there anything else we can get you before we begin?”

Shoving down her ever-increasing nerves at Bryce’s silence, Casey shook her head and said with more confidence than she felt, “No, thank you. I’m more than ready to get going.”

“Alright, then. Let’s have a seat.”

Tugging Bryce with her, Casey followed Edward into his office and pulled the two chairs set up there closer together before gently urging Bryce to settle into one of them. Once she was comfortable in her own, she reached over to rest her hand on his leg, needing to give him some sort of comfort. This was a terrible idea. What the fuck was I thinking?

Realizing Edward was already speaking, Casey took a small breath to calm herself down, thinking, I’ve come this far, no sense in turning back now, before focusing her attention back on the realtor. “…what you told me you were looking for. Is that correct?”

After taking a quick peek at the sheet of information she’d provided him in their previous meeting, Casey glanced at Bryce out of the corner of her eye to see that he was staring at the wall with the same dazed look in his eye and then answered, “Yes. That looks like everything. Were you able to find anything that fit the bill?”

“I was! Actually, I managed to find three listings that covered all of the must-haves on your list.”

“Three? I wasn’t sure if I’d be lucky enough to find one!”

Edward laughed, “Then I guess it’s a good thing you came to me for help!”

Casey returned his laugh as he handed her three sheets of paper detailing the listing details for the three apartments she’d been shown on her day off last week. She already knew all of the information on them by heart, especially that of the one she knew she liked best, but made a show of looking over the paper as if it was the first time she was seeing it.

After giving her a few minutes of silence, Edward asked, “Do you have any questions about any of the properties?”

Humming softly under her breath in mock contemplation, she finally looked up and forced herself to avoid making eye contact with Bryce as she replied, “No. I think this covers everything I need to know.”

“Excellent! As luck would have it, all of the properties are available for a showing today. Would you be interested in that?”

Casey caught the twitch at the corner of Edward’s lips when he glanced briefly in Bryce’s direction and found herself biting the inside of her lip to keep her composure. She was genuinely impressed with herself when her voice came out steady on her answer, “That would be perfect, since I won’t have another day off until later next week.”

That seemed to snap Bryce out of his daze and he whipped his head around to look at her as he wrapped his hand around the one she still had resting against his thigh. “Are you in some sort of a hurry?”

Before she could answer, Edward interjected, “She needs to be if she wants any of these properties. They are all quite coveted and she will need to move fast before someone else comes in and scoops them up.” Swiveling his gaze back to Casey, he asked, “Do you know which one you would like to see first?”

“Oh, um… this one” – she handed the paper of the one she had fallen in love with back to Edward – “This one is the furthest drive, so I figured we should probably start there and then can work our way back?”

“Actually, I was anticipating you might wish to view them today, so I made arrangements for transportation for us. We’ll take a helicopter there and there will be a car waiting to drive us to the properties once we arrive.”

Bryce’s hand tightened around hers almost painfully. “Hel-helicopter?”

“It’s the most efficient way to get to New York and still have plenty of time and sunlight to properly assess all of the options.”

“Oh my gosh! That is so amazing of you! Thank you so much!” I hope I’m not overselling my fake surprise too much.

“I figured with your schedule as a doctor, this would be the easiest way for you to see everything that you wish to and still be back to Boston in plenty of time. In fact, the helicopter should be ready for us if we leave now. Does that work for you two?”

Turning to face Bryce, Casey had to shove down her guilt once again at the ashen look on his face. Placing her free hand over the one Bryce still had wrapped around hers, she squeezed gently until his eyes met hers and flashed him a smile. “Are you ready for a quick trip to the ol’ NYC?”

“Now?”

Casey laughed, “Yes, now! Aren’t you the king of spontaneity?”

“I uh… I” – he swallowed hard, his fingers flexing under hers – “Yeah, I guess I am. Let’s uh… Let’s do this.”

A squeal of genuine excitement slipped from her lips before she could contain it causing Bryce to flinch, so she leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek to soften the blow before turning back to Edward and telling him, “It definitely works for us.”

A little over three hours, and barely two words from Bryce, later, the group of three were stepping off an elevator onto the tenth floor of a brand-new apartment building. “Now, as the literature explained, this apartment won’t have the picturesque view of the city that the higher floors do, but that does actually save you a bit on the rent. The owners have discovered it’s been a bit trickier to rent out the apartments on this side of the lower floors because of the adjoining building.”

“I thought you said these listings were flying off the market?”

The shock of hearing Bryce string together and entire sentence had Casey’s steps faltering so much she almost tripped herself. The way that Bryce reached out to steady her and tuck her into his side – the most contact they’d shared since they left the realty office – offered her some semblance of reassurance.

“They are flying, but that doesn’t mean that the interested parties are willing to overpay compared to other options out there. It isn’t much of a savings, mind you, but every bit helps.”

Casey agreed, “Yes, it absolutely does.”

Coming to a stop in front of apartment 104, Edward turned to look directly at Casey and announced, “Here we are. Are you ready to take a look around?”

Feeling as if she were literally vibrating, she hoped that Bryce would attribute it to excitement rather than nerves as she nodded her head in response, all ability to form words escaping her as only one thought bounced around her brain: I hope he loves this as much as I do.

Once the door was open, Edward stepped out of the way to let Casey and Bryce enter first. Surprisingly, she didn’t have to pull him along behind her, but rather was practically getting drug inside by him. She honestly wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. As they moved about the small apartment, checking out both bedrooms and bathrooms before venturing through the almost non-existent living room into the kitchen, Casey kept sneaking surreptitious glances at Bryce to try and judge his impression.

When he finally came to a stop in front of the refrigerator, staring into the stainless steel, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade before whispering, “So, what do you think?”

Letting out a harsh scoff, he practically hissed, “Does it even fucking matter?”

You knew there was a chance that he’d be pissed. Just stay the course and it will all be fine. It has to be fine.

“Of course it matters! I wouldn’t have brought you along if it didn’t.” When the only response she got was another scoff, she squeezed her arms around him gently and pleaded, “Please, Bryce?”

Spinning in her arms, Bryce threw up his hands and exclaimed, “Fine! It’s a great fucking place! It’s got enough room for a TV and couch for your sports, a good-sized bedroom, a more-than-adequate kitchen for all that you are gonna use it. Hell, it even has a goddamn extra bedroom that you could use for a fucking office if you want!” He let out a deep breath and seemed to deflate with it as he asked, “That what you wanted to hear?”

Pressing herself closer so she could rest her chin against his chest, she bit her bottom lip and hoped that she could hold herself together for just a bit longer because seeing him lose it like that damn near broke her. “Almost.”

“Really? What fucking more could you want from me over this?”

“You really like this place?”

Finally wrapping his arms around her, he muttered, “No. I told you I think it’s great. I didn’t say I like it.”

“What don’t you like about it?”

“You really have to ask?”

“I really do.”

“It’s in fucking New York City! I mean – never mind.”

Sucking in a steadying breath, Casey turned her head so that her ear was pressed against his chest. The sound of his pounding heart beneath it simultaneously made her feel like shit and also reassured her. “So that’s the only thing you didn’t like?”

Letting out a resigned sigh, Bryce pressed a kiss to the top of her head and said, “Yeah. That’s the only shitty thing about this place. But do you really think you need to waste all that extra money on a two-bedroom?”

“I think so.”

“Why? Other than an office that you would never use?”

“Well, I think Keiki would like to have her own room, wouldn’t you?”

Shoving her away from his chest by her shoulders, Bryce narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you talking about?”

Giving him her most patronizing look, Casey repeated herself very slowly, “I think Keiki would like to have her own room.”

“In New York?”

“No.”

“Casey. What in the hell is going on?”

Surprised by the force of her unexpected laughter, Casey couldn’t help but double over. When she had regained a bit of control, she turned over her shoulder toward Edward and asked, “You think I should let him in on it?”

“I think you’ve made the poor boy suffer more than enough.”

“Okay, fine.” Twisting back to look Bryce in the eye, she brought a hand up to cup the side of his face, her thumb tracing over his cheek. “Did you really think I would move away without even telling you first?”

“Before today? Not a fucking chance. But we’re standing in an apartment you want to rent in New York fucking City, so I guess I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong, love. This was just a little bit of payback.”

“What?”

“I’m not looking for an apartment for me. I’m looking for an apartment for us – you, me and Keiki.”

Bryce’s brows scrunched together in a combination of disbelief and confusion. “In New York?”

“If I may?” Edward interjected, waiting for Casey to nod yes before continuing, “Casey came to me a few weeks back, wanting to know about two-bedroom listings in Boston that would be close enough to Edenbrook to be feasible for the two of you and your sister. In the midst of our conversations, I asked why she was doing this solo if she had a partner to help her with the process and she told me that she was wanting to set him up with a little bit of a fake out to pay him back for a mess she had to clean up for him. That led to us discussing the whole situation and once we found the apartment that she could best see you guys living in, I realized a way that we could take her plan to a whole new level.”

By this point, Casey was giggling almost uncontrollably, but she still managed to add, “Oh my god, it was a brilliant idea.” Bryce’s fingers tightening around her waist told her he wasn’t sold on that opinion quite yet.

Edward laughed softly, “I’m so glad you enjoyed it Casey. Anyways, the apartment she picked just so happened to be owned by a real estate firm that had just built an almost identical building in New York. So, I called and found out that it had an apartment that matched the floorplan of the one in Boston so I arranged to have this available for a showing today. That way you could see what your apartment will look like, if you choose to lease it, and we could really psych you out.”

The apartment was silent for what felt like hours as both Casey and Edward waited to see how Bryce was going to react to the full reveal of her deception. As the seconds ticked by, her nervousness amped up exponentially, suddenly terrified that she’d ruined not only her chance to move in with Bryce but maybe their entire relationship. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she used the hand still cupping his cheek to gently turn his head so that she could meet his eyes. There was a look in them that she couldn’t quite read and she had to force her words out around a growing lump in her throat. “Bryce? Love? Talk to me.”

“You really set all this up as payback for the incident with Lilly?”

“I… I did.”

“So, you thought ‘Let’s make Bryce think I’m moving to New York City without discussing it with him first.’?”

Casey sucked in a deep breath through her teeth, but kept her voice steady as she answered, “I did.”

His eyes narrowed on her in a glare so hot she felt like her skin was melting, but she refused to look away. Whatever the fallout was going to be for this, she knew she had to face it head on. He was silent for several long beats before a smile finally broke out over his beautiful face and he let out a hearty laugh. “Damn, babe. That… that’s fucking incredible.”

“Wait… you aren’t… mad?”

“Hell, no! I’m impressed that you came up with such a devious plan, to be honest!”

“Really?”

“Really. I only have one question.”

“Um … okay?”

Shifting his gaze back over her shoulder, he asked Edward, “Why did you go to so much trouble, so much expense, for this prank for a woman you don’t even know?”

“Oh, that’s actually an easy one. Remember that pitcher that collapsed during the game between Manhattan and Boston a while back? He’s my cousin and she saved his life.”

“Stop it, Edward. I told you that wasn’t just me.”

“Bullshit. Several of his teammates told him and me both how you figured out what was wrong with him. Besides that, I could immediately tell what an amazing woman she is. As much as she wanted to mess with you, her biggest concern was finding a place that would be comfortable for you and your sister. She wasn’t even worried about what she wanted or needed. All in all, I was more than happy to help you guys find a place and to help her get a little bit of payback.”

Chuckling once again, Bryce brought a hand up to the back of her neck to bring their faces closer together. When their lips were almost touching, he muttered, “Damn, Case. I’m so glad I have no interest in a prank war with you.”

Voice breathless, she asked, “And why is that?”

“Because I’ve already lost before I could even begin.”

Casey’s laugh was short-lived as Bryce pressed their lips together for a deep and tender kiss. When they finally pulled apart, Casey’s smile was slightly mischievous, making Bryce question, “What’s that about?”

“I just realized I never got to asking my question.”

“Oh yeah?” Leaning back down, Bryce pressed his forehead against hers. “You’d better hurry up and ask then. Wouldn’t want to give me too much time to think about how to respond.”

After pinching his side, Casey let out a soft chuckle at his grunt and lifted her arms up to wrap around his neck. She leaned in just enough to brush her lips across Bryce’s and then stayed there as she asked, “Do you want to live in this apartment’s Boston twin with me?”

“When can we move in?”

Tag List: @anotherbeingsworld @darley1101 @lahellacute @mrsdrlahela @burnsoslow @mvalentine

I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, so if you’d prefer not to be tagged anymore, I apologize. Just let me know and I will take you off the list. I actually debated whether I should even tag anyone in this for that exact reason, so I will totally understand if you want off - especially because I don’t know how soon I’ll have any sort of regular posts again.

[the-purple-hero]

🔥 Dark Spyro AU Drabble 🔥

{🔥}—; It should have been an ordinary day in the Dragon Realms, but with what started with a bit of a bad feeling where something felt a little off to a certain purple dragon. It would escalate into something much worse that could change everything, Spyro had been called to go and see Nestor in the big castle of the Artisan home. 

The dragon elder seemed, very nervous and told Spyro and Sparx that a very powerful dark presence had been located by the Magic Crafters near the traitorous Elder Red’s old laboratory where he’d fought against him and had destroyed the Dark Gems, or so he thought. For he was told that according to the still shrunken Red who was contained in a jar in the room, that he had hidden away a unique Dark Gem away from the lab in further isolated part of the underground caverns where it wouldn’t be found as he knew Spyro would be coming and he wanted that one Dark Gem to survive. “I thought I took care of all of ‘em? Huh, well I guess I’ll head over there and handle it.” 

He glared at the little jar that contained his old enemy. “Looks like ya tried to pull a fast one didn’t ya? Well I’m gonna go an’ take care of it, so next time ya hide somethin’ make sure it’s not gonna be somethin’ easy t’find.” The young dragon looked down at him with a smug grin, but Red spoke up still in a tiny voice that he be surprised by what he’d find after the Dark Gem had been left undisturbed for so long like he was expecting something but Spyro just huffed and a wisp of smoke billowed up from his nostrils. “Gee, am I seriously supposed t’be scared of anythin’ ya say? I mean can ya hear yourself talkin’? Not like you were that much of a challenge before anyway short stuff.” 

With that he headed out to take the balloon over to the Volcanic Isle, climbing into the hot air balloon’s basket he was soon in the air. Spyro took in the sights from the balloon, Sparx flew up to his friend with a buzz. 

“Hey Spyro, did you notice how nervous Nestor looked when he started talking about the Dark Gem? I’m pretty sure something’s wrong, cause those things weren’t that big of a deal back when we took care of them before.” The glowing dragonfly said, trying to state facts that Spyro seemed to not have taken notice of when he was given this task. His companion only wanting to advise he be careful going into this. 

After a long trip, the duo arrived at Volcanic Isle but almost immediately they were approached by Hunter, who had come to try and lend him a hand as he overheard talk of this. “Hey Spyro! I heard you were going back into the caverns underneath this place to take care of the last Dark Gem, that you missed.” He said, putting emphasis on ‘missed’ like he was trying to take a playful jab at him. 

“Real funny Hunter, but thanks for comin’. We better get a move on an’ maybe after this you an’ I can hang out and maybe have a couple rounds skateboardin’!” He playfully nudged him and led his friend over to the shaft that would take them down to the caverns.

Upon taking the lift and entering the familiar caverns the type of atmosphere down there was different. With the power of darkness spreading with puddles of dark substance and energy all around it gave off a dark and dismal feel to the place it didn’t have before. Spyro was well aware that the Dark Gems were capable of corrupting the environment around it, but the extent of it here baffled him to say the least.  As it turned out, something really was wrong, so with Sparx’s guidance Spyro made sure nothing would jump out and attack since he knew Hunter was with them and he wasn’t going to let him get in trouble.

By the time they reached the Dark Gem itself it had seemingly ingrained itself into the ground it rested on, glowing and had covered the entire cavern surrounding it in black energy with the weight of it’s power spreading across the area and increasingly became heavier on the trio.

Spyro wasn’t going to drag this out any longer than he needed to so he trotted over to the Dark Gem with the intent to smash it into bits as he’d done with all the others he’d encountered before this. Approaching it though, it almost seemed like it tried to defend itself even if it wasn’t sentient.

For when he got closer then in unleashed a blast of dark energy towards Hunter and Sparx, almost as if deliberately a dark spell came from it as it unleashed a beam of darkness that rippled through the caves allowing it to spread rapidly. 

The young dragon’s attention went directly to his friends who were within seconds put in danger, his first instinct was to try and protect them. “Don’t worry guys, I’ve got ya!” The young hero rushed quickly to the Dark Gem to destroy it, but the energy pulsing from it knocked him off his feet and tossed him aside. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get close enough to it to stop it nor could he push Hunter out of the way since he seemed locked in place by the Dark Gem’s power which had begun to attack him.

He felt a sense of urgency wash over him, worried about his two friends and what could happen to them and to the Dragon Realms if the sudden rapid spread of darkness couldn’t be stopped now, not only could it put everyone in jeopardy but the fact that he’d be here powerless, while his friends were attacked by an inanimate object of darkness hurt him.

There was only one other option he saw that he could see, and so without even the slightest regard for his own well being, Spyro rushed and put himself in front of the beam of dark magic  which caused a large banging sound to be heard coming from the Dark Gem. 

Intense dark energy rippled through Spyro’s body, even Sparx’s presence couldn’t protect him from the sheer amount of power being forced onto him. The darkness in the cave began to rescind and fall back towards the source, but didn’t return to the Dark Gem and instead the dark energy began flooding into Spyro, latching on like a leech. 

Both Hunter and Sparx tried to save him, but even with their efforts just like before, they could not get close enough to stop this. All they could do was watch helplessly as the dark magic was painfully forced upon the hero of the Dragon Realms. “Spyro, no!”

The amount of pressure Spyro could felt  was like he was being crushed as well as having daggers pierce his scaly hide which caused the young dragon’s toes to curl under the unseen weight. He could barely keep his eyes open, let alone think straight as his heart pounded rapidly in his chest. which soon translated into pain that could be described from the pained shouts from the little dragon that was only followed by him shaking violently while the dark magic surrounded him and pain induced tears forcefully yet unwillingly streamed down his scaly cheeks. 

Within moments, the beam began to die out as did the energy in the Dark Gem itself and Spyro seemed to, change in appearance as his vibrant purple scales began to darken until they turned entirely black, while his friendly and inviting look changed to a more dark and intimidating appearance.

Once the energy had drained entirely from the Dark Gem, it crumbled to dust and Spyro collapsed onto the cold hard ground falling unconscious instantly. His breathing was labored and he was barely moving aside from slow shivers from the young dragon, his body also steaming. Sparx was the first to go over to him, quickly in extreme worry for his best friend, the dragonfly’s stomach churned terribly over what he and Hunter had just witnessed happen that even his glow began to dim. 

“Hunter, you’ve g-gotta help me get him, back.” The dragonfly was clearly in shock as he stumbled over his words and small tears were visible in his eyes, something that wasn’t seen often at all among him or Spyro himself. Hunter clearly understood the situation and didn’t hesitate to pick Spyro up carefully and quickly went back to the balloon to return to the Artisan homeworld.

Upon their return, they were quickly asked what was wrong with Spyro and Sparx explained alongside Hunter and the cheetah did most of the talking as Sparx was visibly distraught by this situation, fearing that what if Spyro didn’t survive the night or if something terrible had happened with a hint to it being his drastic difference in appearance. 

Nestor understood the severity of the situation and had a chamber in the castle set up for Spyro, where he was placed in a bed where he would rest until he would wake up. 

But, days quickly turned into a week and Spyro still hadn’t woken up or seemed any different other than his breathing seemed to improve but not by a lot. Sparx, never left his side and Hunter was kind enough to bring the dragonfly some food and help him out while he stayed with him. Spyro did get visitors from some of his other friends, including Elora, or even some of the younger dragons whom he’d once saved from the Sorceress before they hatched.

However, on the eighth day since the incident, while Sparx was sleeping on his friend’s head he felt movement which woke him up. The little dragonfly fluttered up in the air and it appeared that Spyro was finally stirring, and once he woke up it was clear his eyes had changed as well for now instead of a violet color they were now a blood red color...

[adampage]

Hold This Flower | Dean Ambrose

Pairing: Dean Ambrose x Reader, Roman x Galina mention

“Hey there ! I was just wondering if I could request imagine with a plus size reader ? Maybe something where she was the female member of the shield and [Dean and her] had a romance storyline that carried on after the [Shield] breakup and they’re also dating in real life as well ? Just a bunch of fluff. If not, I’m sorry to disturb you at this late hour.” - anon

Word Count: 4,298

Warnings: Literally none I think??? Fluffy as all heck 

Author’s Note: I’m taking requests! Honestly, not gonna lie, I’m a little worried with how the anon will like this one because I saw that someone requested a very similar prompt to someone else and I’m worried the anon couldn’t wait for my slow ass :( Anyway, I personally like how this one turned out so please let me know??? Thank y’all sooooo much <3

Tagging: @llowkeys / @we-work-hard / @p0tat0catofwesteros / @toosweetme / @blondekel77 / @welshwitch5 / @alexahood21 / @the-geekgoddes / @xxmaddhatter39xx / @sjwrites22 / @crowleysqueenofhell / @xstylesxclashx / @justrae9903 / @hardcorewwetrash / @helluvawriter / @wrasslin-x / @roman-reigns-princess / @reigns420 / @athoughtfulmindwrites / @wrestlingbabe / @heyambrose / @straight-outta-the-asylum / @idekwhatthisis / @mewsburger

“Don’t tell him I told you.” “Roman, when have I ever told a secret?” “Literally all the time.” You laughed, burning with embarrassment. “Okay, you’re right.” “I’m serious, [Y/N]. Don’t even hint that you know. He’ll kill me.” You looked at Roman, sitting next to you. “I’m not gonna-” “Shh,” he hushed, “don’t look at me. What if he comes through and sees us talkin’?” You couldn’t help it. You giggled, slapped his arm. “Are you telling me Big Bad Roman is afraid of my soon-to-be-”

“Shh, put your head down, there he is,” Roman hissed, grabbing his plate of unfinished steak, potatoes, and salad and making to leave. Sure enough, there was Dean, hands taped and ready for his match, walking towards them. It had been a blessing, having Dean back on Raw. After the Shield break up two years back and the draft last year, you and Seth and Roman had all ended up on the same Raw roster. You’d been heartbroken, when you found out, but Dean assured you that he wouldn’t let that separate the both of you. “Just keep that bastard Seth at an arm’s length, okay?” He’d said with a wink. The break up might have been the betrayal of the century for the WWE universe, but for the four of you, it was nothing but creative’s latest storyline. Still, you had to hand it to creative, as well as Vince. Vince had noticed the on-screen chemistry between you and Dean, and told creative to book a romance. It went along with his plan, anyway. Had your chemistry not been noticed, it would’ve still been three against one by the time of the break up. They wanted to set Seth as the worst person imaginable, and it just so happened that stabbing his brothers in the back was nothing compared to clapping his real life sister in the back with a steel chair. “Hey, Dean!” Roman smiled nervously, nearly gone. Dean held a hand out in front of him, stopping Roman dead in his tracks. “Why you leavin’ so soon, brother? I just got here.” Roman swallowed a gulp, flashed Deano a brilliant smile. “Gotta get ready for that match against Braun. You know how it is.” “That I do, brother, that I do.” He dropped his hand to let Roman pass, and turned his attention to you. He sat down in Roman’s recently vacated chair, legs spread apart, one arm draped on the back of your own chair. “What was that all about?” Dean asked, ever in character. Nothing slipped past the ol’ lunatic fringe. His mind moved way too quickly for that. Luckily, you were quicker. “My match with Nia. I asked him for advice. He bounced when he saw you because he knows how you feel about me asking anyone else for ring advice.” He shot me a confused look. “I’m not that bad, am I? Looked like Roman saw a ghost.” You feigned thinking about it, looking up at the ceiling, then back at him. “No, you’re pretty bad.” You reached for his face, scratching at his beard. His eyes fluttered closed, reveling in the feeling of your soft skin. One of his hands grazed your body, squeezing those parts of you that you tended to dislike. “You know I don’t like when you do that to my fat.” His eyes opened. “We’ve been through this, baby.” “I know, but-” “Does it feel good?” “Yes, but-” “Then you like it. What you don’t like is that you’re bigger than the average woman, but you know that doesn’t bother me.” A hand touched your cheek. “It’s actually one of the things I love most about you. There’s more of you to love. And I plan on loving every goddamn inch of you.” It was enticing. There was a growl in his voice you only heard when he was filled with lust for you, but he wasn’t making any definitive moves. Plus, you had a match. “[Y/N]! Backstage in five minutes!” As if on cue, one of the backstage hands called out. Dean’s light blue eyes shined with love, head nodding in the direction of the assistant. “Go on, baby. Kick that ass.” “I’m losing this one.” “All the more reason why you should kick that ass.” A woman’s shout from outside the catering room. “I heard that, Dean!” Nia. You stifled a giggle, your boyfriend smirking in Nia’s direction. “Damn right ya did!”

9 DAYS LATER You were due for a few days off. On screen injury from Nia and that Little Miss Bitch ambushing you during your match against Emma. Okay, and it was Christmas. Dean wasn’t about to let those few days pass without making sure he got to spend time with you, so you figured this was probably it. The Day. You were taking a flight home with Seth. Dean was going to be meeting the both of you in Iowa, at your parents’ house. You shook your head. This situation screamed Big Deal, even if Roman hadn’t warned you about it. Every minute on the plane at Seth’s side was making you more and more nervous. Seth hadn’t spoken the entire flight. But you did your best to stay busy; after all, three hours was too long to be bored. You silently thanked the universe for remembering to bring your iPad and headphones, drowning out the silence between the two of you with some Five Finger Death Punch. Because angst. Obviously, “I Apologize” was on repeat. It was the song you imagined played in the background of a shield reunion promo. But of course that would never happen. Roman was doing too well on his own for Vince to jeopardize that with a reunion, and you understood that perfectly. “Hey, sis?” You almost didn’t hear it. But you had seen him shuffle in his seat, and you knew that something was wrong. Seth slept like a bear on most flights. You took both headphones out, all too eager to break this tension. “Yeah?” He looked at his feet, struggling to find the words. Your hand reached out to him, hand covering his own. “You know that…Dean’s gonna…” “I know.” “How did you…?” His voice drifted away, thinking. You let him, because the answer was simple. “Fucking Roman,” he realized. “Yeah, Roman. But you aren’t really that much of a secret keeper, either. Or were you not just about to tell me, too?” Seth sighed, caught. “Yeah, I was.” He was quiet again. You were about to check if he’d drifted off to sleep, when he spoke. “Listen, I’m ecstatic for you. I honestly never imagined that your relationship with Dean would amount to this.” You raised an eyebrow, wondering if you should be offended. “That’s not what I mean,” he said. He let out a sigh, mustering up the right words for what he was about to say. “You and I both know that everyone on the roster knows about my relationships with women.” “If you can call them relationships,” You quipped. “Exactly. And everyone thinks I’m the only one with a history like that. But Dean used to be the same. That’s why, early on in your relationship, I was worried. But I never said anything, because you were happy.” “I guess what I’m saying is, that if he ever does anything to treat you wrong, I’m here. I’ll kick his ass all the way back to Cincinnati if I have to, if it’s what you want. I won’t let him hurt you.” You stared at him, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. “Seth…” “Fuck, oh, shit, sis…don’t start that crying shit,” he griped, hand pulling out from under yours, “you know that crying shit makes me uncomfortable.” You slapped him on the arm. “You fucking asshole,” you whined. “You knew that would make me cry.” “That’s why I didn’t want to fucking say it.” “But you did, and it was beautiful.” “Don’t start that shit, oh my God.” “Give me a hug, Seth,” you cried. “No, what? Don’t get near me.” “Please?” He was halfway off his seat, keeping the distance between the two of you at its max. “Absolutely not.” “Come on.” He looked at you, mascara sliding down your face, eyes red and puffy. But happy. You were happy, and he saw that. So he couldn’t say no. “Ugh, fine.”

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and the both of you made it to your parents’ place in one piece. You wrapped your blue scarf tightly around your neck, pulled your jacket closer against you. It was freezing. You grabbed your suitcase and left Seth to pay the driver. Mom had the door open before you could even knock. “Sweetheart!” “Merry Christmas, Mom!” You wrapped her in a warm embrace. “Merry Christmas to you, too, honey. Go on, your father’s in the living room. Oh, Seth!” She reached for her beloved son, paying no more mind to you, her daughter. You rolled your eyes, dropping off your suitcase by the stairs. “Happy holidays, Ma.” “Oh, that’s right. The non-believer,” Mom said jokingly. “Mom,” you chastised, saving your brother from torture. “Be nice.” “Okay, okay….are you hungry? There’s leftovers in the fridge if you want some.” “Good, I’m starved.” He said, rubbing at his tummy. She led him by the hand to the kitchen, and you smiled. “Catering can’t beat your cooking.” He was a momma’s boy through and through, that one. You heard laughter coming from the living room. It sounded like two voices. One deep, one mellow. You traipsed through the doorway yelling, “Dad! I’m home!” before you stopped short, catching that flair of ginger, those dazzling eyes. “Dean?” you gasped. He had told you his flight was delayed, that he wouldn’t be there for another couple hours or so. “Hey, babe. Your dad and I were just talkin’ about the day you were born.” “Yeah, a chubby lil’ thing,” Dad grunted, remembering the day well. “I’d never thought you’d grow into the big, strong woman you are now.” “Papi!” You plopped down next to him on the couch before he could stand, squeezing him tightly. “Hola, mijita. How’s my little girl?” “I’m great, pa, now that all three of my boys are here, together.” Dean let out a few light chuckles. “Don’t let Roman hear you say that. You’ll break his heart.”

After spending quite some time in the living room with your mom, dad, Seth, and Dean (consisting heavily of nagging from your mother and saving Seth from interrogation, starting with “So, Seth, honey, how’s your love life going? Am I going to be expecting some grandchildren anytime soon from any of your lovers?” and ending with “How are you going to find yourself a good, loving relationship with a woman if you don’t have a good, loving relationship with God?”), Mom and Dad retired to bed, your dad claiming to be exhausted from second-hand nagging, and your mother just tired of her heathen spawn (a lie, of course, she loved both of you know matter what). Seth chuckled, shaking his head. “Is it like this every time you come home?” Dean asked, clearly amused at the mother-son dynamic. You were sitting on his lap, sinking both of you deeper and deeper into the soft couch, but Dean didn’t seem to mind. His hands held you cozily, one hand on your outer thigh, the other wrapped around and tucked into your under arm. He claimed he liked your warmth. “Just at Christmas. Otherwise, I have free reign.” You conversed back and forth for a while, all of you entranced with the conversation of, “So what are we going to do come January? What are the storylines going to look like?” It was safe to say all of you were workaholics. There was something strange about being home, as if home was really somewhere else, on the road, with the rest of the crew. Five years ago, that would have been abhorrent to think about - not having a true home. But it took you that long to realize your home was anywhere Dean and Seth were. Roman, too. Just then, you heard Roman’s all too familiar voice from somewhere beneath you. “You can Believe That!™” Dean didn’t flinch or jump, but something in his voice sounded a little shaken. “What the hell?” You laughed, the look on Dean and Seth’s faces completely priceless. “That’s Roman’s text tone on my phone. I made him record it a couple weeks ago.” “That’s the….most terrible thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Seth griped at you, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “You can practically hear the trademark in his voice.” “He’s right, that sounds terrible.” “Don’t be mean to Roman! It was my idea anyway. I forced him into it,” you slapped Dean on the arm, reached behind you to see what Roman sent, making sure to keep the screen away from Dean’s eyes. [So?] You quickly sent back, [Not yet. Shush.] You hoped he’d realize that he shouldn’t send any more messages. When you heard his trademark again, you nearly broke down in anger, but were surprised to find a picture of Roman and Galina in Cancun, the beautiful bright blue water shining behind them. He was kissing her cheek, and you could see the blush lightly shading her gorgeous brown skin. “What’s he saying?” You silently thanked Roman for not listening to your text, ultimately giving you some back up evidence in case Dean asked. And he had. You showed him the picture of Galina and Roman. “Aren’t they adorable?” “Yeah. They look so happy. Good for them.” You handed the phone to Seth. “They’re so precious.” “I wouldn’t say Roman is precious.” “Ugh, whatever!” Seth handed the phone back, and made to stand. He stretched his arms, his black haired happy trail visible for a moment. “Well,” he groaned, “I’m gonna hit the sack. Maybe play some videogames before I go to sleep. You need anything, Dean, clothes or anything, just let me know.” “Thanks, brother. Good night.”

“You wanna go for a walk with me?” Dean asked, squeezing you tightly. Sometimes it really struck you how different Dean could be from the man he played in the ring. Sure, there were some truths to his character - the impulsive nature, the (for the most part) no-care attitude…but there were a lot of traits he possessed that no one ever got to see, and would be surprised to find out about him. He was very sweet, and very touchy. He loved to keep his hands on you in every moment, whether it was a thumb pressed against your side or a hand on your thigh. You weren’t nearly as touchy, which you considered a side effect of never being touched. Your parents were only semi-affectionate in the touch department, hugs in welcome and kisses good night. And your infrequent experience with men didn’t help, either. But all of that was okay. All that time lacking personal affection made his touch all the more welcome. His touch was the only touch that really, truly, made you feel safe. But his touch wasn’t going to keep you warm outside, unfortunately. “Dean, it’s in the twenties. That’s below freezing. Have you forgotten the snow on the ground?” “So?” he shrugged, “it’ll be fun.” You both sat there in silence, mulling it over. You could hear him humming softly, awaiting your response. His cheek vibrated beneath yours as he did so, and you grinned. It was only then that you realized he was humming silently the chorus to Bad Touch. You and me, baby, we’re nothing but mammals

So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel Repeatedly. For no reason. “Okay,” you laughed, “if only to get you to stop humming that song.” “It’s so catchy.” “Exactly. I don’t want to catch it.” “Alright, baby, up you get,” Dean said, patting your thighs, signaling for you to get off him. You stood, turned back to grab his hand and help him up from his sunken position in the couch. “You’re really stuck in there, aren’t you?” He grunted, “I had about 243 pounds of love on top of me.” “Have you been stalking my Wikipedia page?” You pulled on him, hard. He popped out of the couch and rammed into you, nearly knocking the both of you backwards. “Whoops,” he muttered, hands gently resting at your waist, quick to benefit from the blunder. “And no, I haven’t. I do watch women’s matches, you know. Especially yours. I know how they bill you.” “And do you know my actual weight?” His proud smile dropped in confusion. “You mean that’s not your weight?” “It was. Now it’s not.” “You got me.” He gave you a kiss on the nose. “I have no clue what your actual weight is.” “Two forty. I lost three pounds last week.” “Now why’d you go and do that for?” “Because I wanted them to bill me with an even number,” you laughed. “Baby, that’s three pounds less of you to love.” He sighed dramatically. “But if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. I’m proud of you.” “Thanks, Dean.” “So will you take that walk with me?” “Of course I will.”

Whoever thought hell was a burning pit of fire had never seen ice. The field that your parents called their backyard glistened with snow. The trees bordering the field were a good acre away at least, and the driveway in front was already being blanketed with tiny little snowflakes. It was fucking freezing, the wind was quietly howling in your ears, and Dean’s body was as cold as your own. It was a good day to die together, you mused. “Dean, why did you talk me into this?” You seethed through chattering teeth. “I have no earthly idea,” he trembled, hands holding one of your own close to his chest as y'all walked. You were glad of it. It was easing the cold, if but a fraction. “But I’m starting to regret it. Come on, we can take shelter in the barn.” “Dean, I don’t think that’s-” But he was gone, in the blink of an eye he had crossed the distance from you to the barn, cold hands rubbing together; he blew on them to melt his frozen fingers, and opened the barn door just a smidge. He slithered in, careful not to open it too far or else he’d let in too much of the cold. He’d regret that, too. That barn was always a mess. You stood there in the snow, speechless. You were amazed at his impulsive nature, and how very quickly he left you out in the cold by yourself. “He just-?” you muttered, flabbergasted. You shook your head, and continued the walk to the barn, cursing silently at him but also finding his behavior extremely funny. His head popped out suddenly from the crack of the barn door. “Come on, babe, what gives?” “Oh, I’ll fucking show you what gives.” More grumbling from you, followed by rubbing of your arms as you reached the door. “Fucking left me out in the damn-” You shut up as soon as you saw the scene before you, straight out of a teen fairytale. Twinkling fairy lights strung across the ceiling. And it was clean. Even the horses in their stables smelled like flowers, and there were a great deal of flowers. They covered every inch of the barn, from the floor to the top, the hay bales on the loft nearly invisible under the coat of white and purple roses. Every piece of farming equipment was mounted and stored at one corner of the barn, out of mind and spotless. And Dean: mouth closed, lips curled at one end in a crooked smile. A red rose in his hand, trembling slightly. Ocean blue eyes bright with hope. “Dean?” He stepped close, handed you the rose. “Hold this flower.” You giggled, accepting it, in awe at the way he presented it to you. You were very confused. Sure, you knew what was happening, but you were amazed at how. The shock of the beauty surrounding you had you thinking. He planned this out, all right. He planned this out well. He had help, and lots of it. And this was so un-Dean. “Ya like it?” He asked, nonchalant as ever. Only the trembling in his left hand gave away his true feelings. He caught you staring at it, and he buried it in the pocket of his jeans, taking a step back from you. “It’s beautiful,” you sighed, taking a whiff of the dazzling rose. It smelled fresh, crisper than the scent of cold. You made to take a step closer to him, but he stopped you, holding out a palm. “No, just stand right there.” You did as he commanded, waiting patiently. He ran a hand through his hair, dropped it to scratch at his beard. You wondered what he was going to say. “Look, you’re probably wondering what all this is.” You nodded, silent. “I planned this out. With your mom and dad. Strange, I know,” he chuckled. “I’m not usually the kind of guy with a plan. I’m that guy with the impulse, the kinda guy who changes his mind once, twice, three times in the span of five minutes.” “But this took me weeks to plan, and I did it. All of it. For you.” By then you were on the verge of crying. You did your best not to, but you drew your eyes to the ground, shying away from his words. He took a step closer, and stopped himself. “Stay with me, babe. Show me those beautiful eyes. I need you to listen to me. Please.” You nodded, looking back up to him, doing your best to hold back your tears. “[Y/N], I planned this out for you because I wanted to prove to you that you are not some impulse. I’ve thought about it, for weeks, months even. All that time apart, you and Seth and Roman on Raw and me on Smackdown, I thought about it.” He sighed, but not a sigh of resignation…but one of love. “I love you. I love you so much. I love every little bit of you. I love your laugh. Your eyes. That you can’t keep a secret worth a damn. Your dimples. The small freckles that litter your body. Your humor. Your tummy fat. Your hip fat. The way your arm jiggles when I poke it. Your gorgeous, chubby cheeks. Your plump ass. No, don’t stop me now, I’m almost done,” he held his hand up again, stopping you from your wordless protests. “I love every single bit of you and I promise you, though you may not love it yourself, I’ll love you enough for the both of us.” A shudder of breath escaped your lips, still unable to grasp the reality of the situation. He stepped closer, dropped down on one knee. His hands fumbled at his jacket pocket, took out the small, navy velvet box. “I know that I won’t always be the best person. I’m an impulsive, belligerent, don’t-give-a-damn kind of fool.” His fingers opened the box, revealing a small diamond on a simple silver band, absolutely perfect. “But I promise I will make you laugh every day for the rest of our lives, if you’ll let me.” “I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me?” You couldn’t choke back the tears any longer. You dropped down to look Dean in the eyes and nodded desperately, a silent yes all he needed in order to wrap his arms around you and kiss you on the forehead, rubbing his nose against yours. “For all intents and purposes, that was a yes, right?” He asked. “Of course, you asshole,” you cried, not wanting to let him go. You could feel him chuckling against you, before his head lifted away from you and he shouted in the direction of the barn door. “Come on in, everybody!” Seth came in first, black beanie covering his ears from the cold, jacket wrapped tight against him. “It’s about fucking time, goddamn it.” “You know, for someone who doesn’t believe in God, you sure like to invoke his wrath a whole lot more than the average person.” “Ma, please.” “Honey, leave him alone,” Dad appeared behind his wife and son, “this isn’t about him. This is about my baby girl.” His arms reached for you as you stood up to embrace him, the strong scent of his cologne filling your nostrils. The road might be home, but your old man never failed to make you feel welcome. “Heya, Papi.” “Congratulations, mijita.” He let you go, and held out a hand to his son-to-be. “And congratulations to you, too, Dean. You better take care of her.” “I will, sir.” “I mean it. I may not be as young as I used to be, and I’m not a wrestler by any means, but I can still kick your ass.” Behind them, you could hear the sound of Seth’s laughter at his stepdad’s words as your mother embraced you. “He’s not bluffing,” Seth stated. “I believe you, Mr. Lopez.” “Damn right ya do.” In all the excitement, you hadn’t realized that your phone was buzzing in your back pocket, the sound of Roman’s voice once again floating to your ears. [So did he propose yet or what?] You weren’t so lucky this time around. “Roman told you?” Oh, fuck.

[eliniei]

Those Hard Days  - Chapter 44

Summary: Rae’s brother always made sure she was tough as nails. But when her father flips her world upside down, will she find that there’s a limit on how strong she can be?

Warnings: Rape/Non-con (non-graphic, fade-to-black), child abuse, underage drinking, underage smoking, drug use, violence, major character death

A/N: I am so sorry. I got so caught up in other things I stopped posting ;_; I’ll get it all up today.

AO3: here Fanfiction.net: here

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Chapter 44 - Support

Curly waited with Rae until they’d lowered the casket holding her big brother into the ground. Tim hung back as well, promising Mrs. Mathews he’d bring her back home afterwards. As they were walking back to the truck, she turned to the oldest Shepard sibling. 

 “I didn’t get to thank ya,” she mused. 

“For what, kid?”

“For...everything, Tim.” Curly handed her the umbrella and hopped into the truck to give them some privacy. “You...you’ve helped me in so many ways.”

“Rae-”

“Ya pulled me outta that dark shithole I was in and made sure that I didn’t go back into it. Even if I wanted to kill ya for it.” She huffed a laugh, her eyes burning, hand wrapping around the Christopher medal. He gave her a slanted smile, so much like his brother’s. 

“It ain’t nothin’, kid. I told ya, we hoods gotta stick together.” She smiled back at him. Finally, a genuine smile. But, she shook her head.

“No, Tim. It’s everything.”

The three of them made their way back to the Mathews house for some food. Rae and Curly sat down around the coffee table with Two-Bit and Soda, who were trying to teach Carrie and Chrissy how to play poker. Honestly, they had horrible poker faces. It made her smile-even laugh. 

They all stared at her in surprised silence for a moment. Even she caught herself. She looked back at them, eyes wide. Finally, Carrie smiled at her, relief written all over her face, and they went back to their game. 

They next morning, Curly had to go back to the reformatory. They stood on the Shepard’s front porch, nearly nose to nose. A car was waiting for him down at the curb. Mrs. Mathews had let her spend the night, knowing they wouldn’t get to see each other again for months. 

Rae pressed her forehead against his, threading her fingers through his. 

“You’d better call me,” she ordered. “And behave, okay? It’s...easier when you’re here, ya know? Don’t need ya gone longer.” He smiled and caught her lips in his. She pressed her body against his and for a few long seconds, she was able to forget everything. When he pulled away, she was breathless. But, he slid his hand out of hers and then he was gone. She felt the loneliness begin to crush down all her progress, but tried hard to keep her chin up. At least she could still hang out with her other friends, right?

The nightmares started that night. Every night, she’d relive Dally’s death as she dreamed. When she’d wake up, she’d be drenched in sweat, on the verge of screaming the words she’d screamed that night. In the morning, Two-Bit found her curled up on his couch without a pillow or blanket. The second night, he offered his bed to her again (“no funny business, I promise”). The third night, she took him up on it and crawled into his bed. He woke up as she was getting comfortable. Once she’d stopped moving, he wrapped one of his hands around hers. When she woke up the next day, his hand was still there.

School was another story. 

When Rae started going back to classes, her days were long. She and Two-Bit met Ponyboy at home every morning and walked or drove to school together, where’d they’d go their separate ways. She shared some classes with Chrissy and Carrie, but the others dragged on. The other kids couldn’t coax her into shooting spitballs, and for once the Socs left her alone. She’d meet the boys again for lunch, and Carrie took up Johnny’s empty spot most days, now a full-fledged member of the Shepard gang. Rae knew Ponyboy was miserable, too. It was spelled out on his face. She wanted to help, but how could she help him when she could barely help herself?

When the day was done, they’d part ways with Carrie and head back to the Curtis house for the afternoon. Most days Two-Bit took her home so they could spend time with his mother and sister. Some days, she’d cook at the brothers’ house. Some days she’d wander down to Shepard territory and hang out with Angela or Tim, just for a change of scenery.

Everything just seemed...so grey.

On her dark days, she went to the cemetery, sitting in the dirt by her brother’s grave or leaning against the stone, homework notebook in her lap, books spread out on the ground around her.

On his dark days, Pony joined her. Darry had found them there one day on his way home from work, a worried look on his face. The youngest Curtis brother told her the next day that they’d had another fight, but this time Soda lectured them both. They thought maybe they’d finally come to an understanding between the three of them. 

Everyone knew, of course. The entire school. Then entire town. Hell, probably the entire state.

She should’ve expected that after a few excruciating days, Cherry Valance would find her in the bathroom one morning after she’d had enough and just had to get out of the classroom. Rae was leaning over the sink, splashing water on her face, trying to even her breathing out, when the redhead walked in. She paused, hands full of water, then dropped it into the sink and turned the faucet off.

“Hey, Rae,” the Soc said, softly. 

“Hey, Cherry,” she greeted the girl, wiping her face down with a paper towel. “Still don’t want any sympathy, if that’s why you’re here.”

“No, I-,” she started. “I just...had no idea you were related to Dallas Winston.” Rae leaned against the porcelain.

“Did you know him?”

“Not very well. Saw him a few times at the rodeo and, of course, the night Bob died.” She tilted her head. She’d heard what happened at the drive-in. There was a silence between them. 

“So…,” Rae said, shoving her hands into her back pockets. “Is...there somethin’ ya want?”

“Oh, no, I just-”

“Cherry, I really appreciate that ya tried to get me out. And that ya tried to help my friends while I was gone.” She crossed one leg over the other. “I think that I could prob’ly like you, ya know. But if ya just wanna be secret bathroom friends, I’m gonna have to pass.”

“Well,  I just thought...maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be seen with you outside the bathroom.” Rae gave her a slanted smile, copying Curly’s famous grin. 

“Maybe you’re right.” She uncrossed her legs and stood up straight. “I’d better get back to class. I’ll be seein’ ya, huh?” Cherry nodded and Rae made her way over to the door. She paused halfway out. “Oh.”

“Yes?”

“I ain’t ever gonna be sorry that Johnny defended himself and Ponyboy, Cherry.”

“I know.”

“But, I am sorry that Bob died the way he did.”

Before the redhead could respond, she let the door swing closed as she returned to class. 

On Friday afternoon, Mrs. Mathews took Rae out of school early and drove her down to her new therapist’s office. Her stomach was doing nervous flips as they waited to be called back, but when it happened, Barb squeezed her knee. 

“The easier you make it, the faster it’ll go, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll give it a real try.”

“Good girl.” 

When she’d sat down and introduced herself, the therapist sat down across from her, pen poised to write in the notepad sitting in her lap.

“Look, I ain’t here cause I wanna be, ya know?” Rae started. “I don’t like talkin’ to people ‘bout our problems, but the court ordered that I do this...and if I don’t try, I gotta keep comin’ til I do.” She took a deep breath. “So, I ain’t gonna hassle ya. I’ll tell ya what ya wanna know and I’ll start from the beginning.”

“I appreciate that, Miss Winston. Would you like a cigarette before you begin?” The therapist opened up a pack sitting on the table next to her. 

“Thanks, but no. I don’t smoke. Is that really somethin’ you should be askin’ a teenager?”

“Well, I find that it helps...calm my clients down before they start talking about... particularly traumatic events. Why don’t you tell me about-”

“I know you wanna know about my life- and my brother’s too,” Rae said, cutting her off, knowing what she was going to ask. “It ain’t been easy, I’ll tell you that. I know you wanna know about...well, what happened and how I ended up in this situation…”

After the hour was up, she met Barb back out in the waiting room. Her foster mother stood up as she and her therapist approached. 

“How’d it go?” Mrs Mathews asked, pulling Rae’s hair over her shoulder. 

“I think it went quite well,” the other woman responded. “I think Miss Winston is well on her way to recovery, but there are still things we can work on in future sessions. Okay?” Rae nodded. “It sounds like she has a great support system at home.” 

“She sure does,” she said, quietly. Barb smiled down at her. Her therapist bid her farewells until next time.

“How about we go pick up Keith from school and go grab a shake?” Rae smiled as well.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

[dracpuncher]

killjoy writing prompts: a drowsy, calm morning with Jet; Kobra snapping at someone in anger; the Girl asking Ghoul increasingly deep questions; Party getting lost on a walk

 Okay, so this is gonna be a long one, sorry about that:

   The Girl knew something was up, something was weird. The air was a little to cold, it was soothing yet unnerving at the same time. Whenever something strange was going on, the Girl would figure it out, always. 

    She decided to start her search for The Thing That Was Weird with Jet Star. She hopped down from the booth she had been perched on, and made her way to the kitchen. As she was about to step inside and interrogate Jet Star on his knowledge of The Thing, she stopped abruptly before the closed door hiding Kobra and Party. 

    She heard party hiss something to Kobra, but she couldn’t quite make it out. Something was definitely strange, something had to be wrong, because Party was supposed to be loud and happy and strong, not quiet and hissy. She pressed her ear up to the door. “Why? Why do I have to tell you every single detail of my life? Can’t you just back off this one god damn time?” she heard Kobra snap. She pulled away from the door as a sick feeling approached her. Kobra and Party weren’t supposed to fight, not like this. The feeling of dread overpowered her curiosity, and she moved on.

    “What’s up, Baby Star?” Jet called as she shuffled into the kitchen. “Something’s wrong, Jet.” she proclaimed. Jet took a moment to think, looking up at the dusty, banged up ceiling.  Jet gave a calm smile and said “Kobra just hasn’t had any coffee in a while, everything will-” 

    “No! Not like that! It’s more complicated. Something’s off with, with everything! And you gotta help me find what it is!” the Girl interjected. As much as she wanted Jet’s help, she knew he wouldn’t get it. He doesn’t really think like that.

    “Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be fine. D’ya wanna come sit with me for a while, sunshine?” Jet replied, laying his head against the flimsy edge of the folding chair he was relaxing in. 

    “I’m busy, but maybe I’ll getcha later! Where’s Ghoul?” the Girl asked, skipping to the door.

    “He’s by the cell tower, where you’re supposed to stay away from, so why don’t ya just hang-”

    “Got it, thanks!” she chimed, skipping away before Jet could express anymore stupid safety concerns. The Thing was more important than that. She galloped out of the house just in time to miss Party slam the front door and head out on a search of his own.

    After a few more minutes of excited galloping, the Girl came upon Fun Ghoul, waving a bent metal pole around. “Ghoul, the desert is weird and so is whatever you’re doing, why?” the Girl shouted, hopping over to Ghoul. “Oh, hey kiddo. You know, you aren’t really supposed to-” Fun Ghoul started.

    “Wrong! That doesn’t answer my question Ghoulie!” the Girl chirped, bouncing up to him.

    “And what exactly was your question again, Baby?” Ghoul said, dropping the pole.

    “My question is, why is everything so off today? The whole entire desert is weird! Can ya feel it? You always know what I’m talkin’ about, Ghoulie! It’s just a little too cold, and Kobra and Party are fighting, and now that I think about it, Jet isn’t stressed! He’s been complaining about the car for days, but he’s totally fine now, and then you’re over here waving a stick at another giant metal stick, so what’s goin’ on?” the Girl said, grabbing Ghoul’s hands and giving him a way-too-serious look.

    “Uh, maybe the Witch got bored and mixed things up today.” Ghoul replied, unsure if his answer would satisfy her.

    It made sense to the Girl, but she didn’t think that was really The Thing. “Ghoul, why are things weird sometimes?” she asked, in an almost scared voice.

    Ghoul paused, and looked up at the sky. “Things are weird all the time. I guess some days things are just extra weird because… because the Witch is extra bored.”

    “Why does the Witch get to decide how weird things are? Why can’t we decide?”

    Ghoul had no idea. The Girl had hoped Ghoul would know what The Thing was, but he was just as curious as she was. Ghoul knew he had to find a way to back out of that question, though. He couldn’t take the pressure of giving her the wrong answer. What if he said something really messed up on accident and upset her? Just as Ghoul was about to switch the subject, he turned around to see the Trans AM pulling up with Kobra looking nervous at the wheel.

    Ghoul and the Girl exchanged confused eye contact. Maybe Jet had snapped out of it and sent Kobra to drag the Girl back?

    As they approached the rolled up window of the front seat, Kobra quickly spat out, “Party.”

    “Party what?” Ghoul asked.

    “Gone.” Kobra said, turning his head to face away. The Girl immediately hooped into the back seat. Ghoul followed her lead, and he hopped into the car too.

    “Gone where? Is he alright?” Ghoul asked. Kobra didn’t look at him, he just put his hands on the wheel and turned the car around. The Girl thought maybe Kobra knew what The Thing was, because he knew almost everything, but she knew he wouldn’t say.

    “They had a fight. He probably went for a walk. More like a stomp, actually, he always does that when he’s mad.” the Girl chimed.

    “Let’s stop at Chow Mein’s. Ask around there.” Ghoul said. It was a long and unpleasant car ride. The Girl pondered options of what The Thing could be, and Kobra pondered options about what he could do the fix the Flaming Pile Of Shit that this situation had become. Everyone was relieved when they finally pulled into the pile of kinda flat sand that in some ways was a parking lot. 

    “I’ll go in, why don’t you guys hang around here, blast some tunes?” Ghoul said. There was no response, so he just scattered off into the store.

    “Holy mother of fuck, Jesus on a stick, what perfect timing you have, darling!” Show Pony sang as Ghoul rushed over to them. “Found him halfway to Zone 4, fallen off a motorbike that most definitely doesn’t belong to him. Poor baby doesn’t even know where he is, thank god he was wearing his helmet.”

    Ghoul stood wide eyed as he watched Party wipe the blood from under his nose and say, “Okay, so this is gonna sound stupid, but how exactly did I get this banged up?”

    “He’s asked me that 4 times already, I can give you a lift to Dr. D’s if ya want. He should be okay, just keep him in bed for a couple of days, that should be no problem for you.” Show Pony winked.

    Ghoul wanted to ask what that was even supposed to mean, but instead he just said okay and walked Party out the door. As he approached the car, he heard the Girl shriek “Hey, that’s it! That’s what’s weird! We forgot to put those cookies out for the Phoenix Witch last night,that’s why she’s messin’ with all of us!”

Ghoul figured it was better to let her think it was all because of the sacrificial cookies to the ‘Phoenix Witch’ than it was to have to worry about giving her some more complicated and probably messed up advice.

((Sorry this is so long hope I didn’t just waste 10 hours of your life please enjoy!)) Thanks so much for the wonderful prompts @metallicdeceiver

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. it’s 10:30 instead of 10 when i am starting this post.

i stayed up until midnight last night because i am REALLY COOL!!! then i got up at 7:40. 

i know why my dreams keep feeling so weird when i wake up. it’s because it’s an hour later than usual so the sun is directly in my face and it feels like i got up late. my dreams are me yelling at myself to get up because i am late for school. then it’s 7:30 in the morning when i do wake up.

there was something about the one last night though. dang it. i have too many things going on. can’t remember stuff that happened overnight. they might be loosely based on the bedtime stories i’ve been listening to now that i think about it though. 

the other night i was flying... i was a bird. i guess? only some of the time. i was in a house and there was a cat. i got out through the garage i think. i didn’t know what to do with myself after that though.

lately i’ve just been wanting a hug but i don’t think i’m going to get that. and if it happened in real life i wouldn’t be very happy about it.

i taught my class this morning. it went fine i think. i talked to one of my students about the grading system since he was the last one to leave. they all finished like ten minutes early so i got a nice break before my office hour. 

i felt like i couldn’t build up any momentum all day though. i went to the care area appointment i had to work on the medical drop and they told me my appointment had been scheduled for yesterday. i mean maybe i said monday? but i’m pretty sure it was tuesday because that’s what i had written down directly after the phone call, and also, the monday appointment would have been in the middle of my office hour, which doesn’t make sense.

so i was turned away. but the lady at the front counter gave me some directions regarding dropping a class so i filled out that request when i got back to the department and got that turned in. i’ve done... basically everything i can do right now. i’m still stressed. now my appointment has been pushed back for two weeks so there’s going to be less than a week before the deadline by the time i do actually see someone whose job it is to do these things.

at coffee cookie time i was so ready to have A Conversation with samantha about the “cute” thing but she never called me cute. so i had all this energy and riled-up feelings and nowhere to put them. i felt... put out. like maybe i should just never do anything about my situations and i guess they will magically resolve by themselves? because preparing what exactly i wanted to say ahead of time to break this new and very irritating pattern was just a waste of time. and i don’t have a lot of time.

maybe she got bored with me? maybe luis talked to her? he didn’t tell me he did.

oh yeah also i made muffins and brought those in for jennica’s birthday. most of us had at least one- suzanne refrained because since we just had halloween she wants to go easy on the sweets. 

i was working on grading when harrison came in to hang out. i ended up talking to him for like two hours, me and him and jennica and suzanne and then at the end luis after suzanne left. after he left i finished up my grading and then went home. i was almost hit by cars FOUR TIMES on the way home.

the first time was because i was trying to get over to the left turn lane from the bike lane. i looked back to make sure i had enough room, signalled, and started to turn when the car down the hill suddenly gunned it to try and pass me as i moved into the lane. i had to pull hard to the side, and then i was wobbling, and i still had to get over, so i moved to the left lane and got honked at long and hard by the car behind them. that was the second time.

it’s not like i wasn’t wearing headlights and tail lights. they were on and bright. i just had the batteries replaced. and i signalled, AND originally made sure i had room.

the third time was when i was biking uphill directly after the light. i pass by a parking garage. there were a bunch of cars trying to get in and out right at that second so i waited my turn. then when i tried to pass a car that had pulled out to the exit and sat there a few seconds decided to leave as soon as i got directly in front of it. again, i had bright headlights on.

the third and a half time was because both a bus and another car were parked sideways across the road.

the fourth time was when i was passing through a crosswalk. the car in front of me had stopped like it wanted to make a right turn so i stopped and let it start turning in front of me. after it passed, when i got out into the crosswalk area to keep going, it decided to get back on the road and almost hit me on its way back left.

and i had to stop so many times at the roundabouts on the way home that i never even got up into 6th gear.

it was so angering that when i got home i didn’t even want to do anything but complain about it. i sent a message asking who put the stupid juice in the water and then i put some soy thing in the oven and waited. dinner was just ok. not sure i’m gonna get those “chick’n” things again from that brand though.

i ended up watching youtube for a million years instead of doing my quantum homework, YET AGAIN. i want to say that i’ve been over exerting myself for too long but like... i dunno, i can’t tell if i’m tired or lazy. everyone tells me how hard i work and it’s like, i took a whole three hours off today! what are you talkin about?? i only worked nine hours! IF THAT!

should just be a work machine. cranking out an entire homework assignment a day. i feel horrible for ONLY getting done one section of grading. but all these departments keep giving me the runaround and i get so exhausted running from the drc to the cwc to the dso to the physics office to the graduate advisor back to the drc back to the dso but oops they didn’t pen in my appointment for the right time come back next week...

it’s like they design it so that only people who don’t have depression can get accommodations for depression. and i don’t have any time to rest between these paperwork expeditions and homeworks due and classes to teach and grades to calculate and finances to manage and somehow still be working on therapy strategies and trying to develop social connections so i don’t feel so fricking isolated.

the longer i go without seeing the care area the longer it’s gonna take for me to be able to find an individual therapist who takes my insurance and isn’t also a hack. i am trying to delegate but unreliable OFFICIAL OFFICES make that hella difficult. and i just don’t have time to do it myself right now.

i’m too nervous to start my homework. that’s the real problem. i feel like i lost too much momentum and i won’t be able to remember anything i’ve even done in the classes up to now. and then my brain is all,

instead of giving me useful things like what we did in class last week. i lost a day of notes too because no one shows up for classical mechanics. jennica doesn’t take very good notes... i’ll have to make do with what she’s got, maybe tomorrow? maybe not. depends on what i can get done.

usually this only happens once a semester. something will slow me down for a week or two and then i’ll have to claw my way back up to where the rest of the class is.

THIS SEMESTER IT’S HAPPENED TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE PLAYING CATCH-UP, I LOVE BEING STRESSED AND TIRED AND OVERWORKED ALL THE TIME, I LOVE BEING SICK, I LOVE WHEN MOM CALLS ME RANDOMLY AND SAYS IT’S *MY* JOB TO MAKE DAD FEEL BETTER ABOUT ME BEING MAD THAT HE DID BAD THINGS AND THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS, BABY-MAN!!!

it doesn’t help on the tests either because playing catch-up is not the same as reviewing. AND i don’t have as much energy as my classmates for doing practice exams, nor do i have as much time, because since i don’t have as much energy for ANYTHING, i’m still doing this week’s homework while everyone is getting ahead.

at 10 instead of starting to write i loaded up an episode of pokemon that i never saw. the meowth one where he talks to the viewer about how he learned to talk and stuff. hashtag relatable, man. guess by the time i get my phd i’ll be a freak too.

(i already am but that’s beside the point)

something good today is that i am now only 1 week behind on grading (this week’s lab doesn’t count as behind yet). i’m going to stop grading now until the weekend, when i need to have 6 more sections done by tuesday in order to really be “caught up.” but we have a long weekend so this is fine. it’s fine. it’s fine! i’m fine. this is fine.

i don’t got time to cry.

something good today... positive self talk is hard. 

it’s harder with mood swings.............

i’ve been doing pretty good about. like. eating breakfast every day. i think i’ve only missed it once since i started grad school in mid august. and i eat at least a snack at dinner time every day. lunch has been trickier because my days are a dumpster fire of stuff to do but i try to at least have a snack then too. i think it’s been doing really good for my metabolism. and i’m just not exhausted and miserable and sleepy in the mornings! i’ve only fallen asleep in class once and it was after a REALLY miserable night. i think it was the day after my all-nighter 40 hour awakness adventure. my body realized i’d skipped a day when i did finally get ~9 hours of sleep.

you know what i like? i never talk about it any more. i liked the saturday morning sonic cartoon from like 1991. it was gucci. 

the fist time i ever saw it was from an amv set to a song i’d never heard. and now i really like both of those things. i will post it in a minute because i like it and you might too. 

like the cartoon had its strange moments but it’s an early 90s cartoon and i’m gonna hazard a guess that there were some... executive decisions in the premises of some of those episodes. and, overall, the last season, and ESPECIALLY the last five episodes, are a solid 9.5/10. i still have the box set in my room with my old writing printouts. i might... want that here actually, if i didn’t bring it along on a whim and it’s sitting with my movies and i forgot it’s there because i haven’t watched any of my movies in three months lol. 

i just never hear anyone talking about it! i found an animorphs community and that’s good. and satam sonic wasn’t exactly my childhood, i didn’t find it until i was like 13 or 14. but it’s charming, animation errors and low budget and jaleel white and all.

actually i take it back. jaleel white is the best sonic voice actor. fight me.