#I could write second chance romance forever actually

[shoopsthereitis]

I know im biased bc ive written it multiple times but there is just something so !!!! about second chance romance jegulus. I have so many feelings about it

[happy74827]

Contagiously Human.

[Brian Moser x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Killing was always the easiest part for him, but this… you… well, as fate would have it, that created a new problem for him. {GIF Creds: brothermoser}

WC: 1881

Category: Plot-Driven, Maybe Some Fluff/Angst…?

Someone asked me if I’d ever thought about writing Biney… and well, I decided to put my thought into actual words 🤷‍♀️

Just for some minor clarification, this is pretty much a “what if” fic in which Dexter does not end his life. This being said, I picture this taking place around season 5-6 ish.

『••✎••』

Hesitation.

The thing that makes or breaks a killer. The line that separates predator from prey. It's the pause between life and death, the time a man takes to make the decision, and whether he'll live to regret it or not.

He’s never had hesitation. Not once. In fact, he relishes in it; he finds peace in knowing that he can decide one way or another and be content with either outcome. It makes him a dangerous man, unpredictable, a ticking time bomb.

His baby brother, his blood, had the disease. The disease of being too much of a good person, feeling guilt, having morals, a sense of what's right and wrong. He was weak, he hesitated, and he wasn’t even aware of how much the disease was eating him alive until that Trinity Killer came around.

He was supposed to protect his brother, save him from himself, and show him the proper way of things. The way of survival. Of the hunt. But no, Brian wasn’t there to catch him. To stop him.

So, as all good brothers do, he’s here to fix him. To set him straight and rid him of the disease. Forever.

It's an easy task, really. His little brother is so trusting and caring that he'd do anything for the ones he loved. Why not start by showing him why he shouldn't?

Because clearly, the loss of his apparent wife wasn’t enough. He needed to understand, truly and absolutely, that the world would only disappoint him. It's a harsh lesson but a necessary one.

So, that led him to you. His brother’s friend from school. The woman, aside from Dexter’s poor excuse for a sister, that his brother actually cared about.

Just like him, you were naive. Trusting, too. Friendly to everyone, completely unaware of the monsters that hid in the shadows. His brother included.

You might’ve never killed someone, but with everything else, it was clear why his brother was so interested in you. He always loved the innocent ones.

So, the question was, how would he go about it? He could take you somewhere, but the element of surprise was an important factor. You had to believe you were safe and comfortable before he could make his move.

A Debra repeat? Or a more... Unique approach. He'd think about it, plan it out, and strike at the perfect moment.

He wouldn’t hesitate, after all.

When the day presented itself, the stars had aligned, and everything was just right; he made his move. It was noon, a warm Sunday.

You were in your little bookshop, reading one of the books in your free time. Business had been slow today, as most people were enjoying the weather.

You never saw him coming. He was the type to blend into the crowd, the type that you'd see once and forget about. The type you'd pass on the street without a second thought.

He had his ways, of course, and his way was simple. A simple, kind greeting. One that had your eyes lighting up as if you'd never seen another person before.

He was charming, handsome, the perfect man to lure you in. You didn’t stand a chance.

That's what led him here, picking up your fallen book and handing it to you, watching the smile that graced your lips.

A romance novel, of course. How ironic.

"Oh, uh, thank you. That’s very kind."

You smiled, a hint of blush dusting your cheeks. Far more tame than that Debra woman, thankfully. He didn’t have to fight back the urge to roll his eyes.

"Tea and romance? Can’t say I blame you." He pulled a gentle grin, one that had you blushing further, more so of embarrassment this time.

"It's the first of a series. A favorite, actually, I’ve been rereading it." You explained, holding the book to your chest. He didn’t miss the way your thumb rubbed over the spine, fond and gentle.

Just from that, he knew. He was going to have fun with you. “Believe it or not, I read the first one too. A few months ago, actually. It was quite the page-turner. The ending had me on the edge of my seat, I swear."

You laughed, soft and airy, and for a moment, he found himself smiling genuinely. His lie was working, and he couldn’t believe it was that easy.

"I've only heard mixed reviews on it.” You spoke, moving to place the book back on the shelf. "I'm glad to hear you liked it. Marienne’s death was hard, wasn't it?"

"Very." He agreed though it was a lie. He had to pretend he cared. "It was a shame; I really enjoyed the character."

"You did?" You raised a brow, surprised. “Most people didn’t. Given that she doesn’t even exist.”

Shit.

He cleared his throat, a slight pause. He was so blinded by the idea of finally getting to his brother that he'd forgotten.

You were a reader, an author; of course, you would know the ins and outs of the story. The characters, the plot, and every little detail. Why would you not?

First rule of hunting. Don’t get cocky.

"Alright, I admit. I've been caught." He gave a small shrug, his voice holding a hint of sheepishness. Maybe you’d fall for it. “I couldn’t help myself; I figured you wouldn’t appreciate my love for fantasy books."

"Fantasy?" You tilted your head, and he knew. You bought it. You were a sucker for fantasy; you didn't like it when others looked down on them.

"I'm a bit of a nerd. Guilty pleasure."

"I didn’t peg you for the fantasy type…” You raised your eyebrow, though a smile still rested on your lips—a look of amusement.

"Really? Most people can't seem to look past the collared shirt.

"No, it's not that. It's your aura." You shook your head, and now, it was his turn to raise his brow. What the hell did that mean?

"My aura?"

"Those books in your hands..” You nodded towards his bag, a small smirk pulling at the corner of your lips. "You're definitely not a casual reader. My guess is everything in there is a throwaway.”

"And that means...?"

"You're bullshit through and through. You don't like romance or fantasy. In fact, I think you absolutely hate it."

Oh. Oh, you clever thing. Now, he truly understood why his brother connected with you so much. You'd figured him out, and yet, you had no clue. You were clever, smarter than you let on.

"Alright,” He held his hands up in mock surrender. He was enjoying this; for once, someone could see through his façade. See his true self. It was a rush.

“If you’re so smart, what do I like then?"

"Hmm, let's see...” And just like that, you were off with him in tow. You were taking him along on a trip through the shelves, looking through the genres, searching and searching.

He was intrigued, his eyes locked on you, his ears drinking in the sound of your hums and contemplation. Your mind was running, spinning, thinking. You were truly in your element.

"Well, let's start with what I know. You like horror." You said, turning towards the horror section and picking up a book. "You seem like the type who enjoys the dark side of humanity and likes to see the bad guy win."

Damn.

He was almost impressed. Almost.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Eyes. They tell the most about a person. You’ve seen a lot, and it shows. I could tell just by looking at you. Your eyes are... Cold. Empty." You said, and it was then that he realized you were more observant than you appeared. Naivety might’ve not been a part of your personality, but trust was. You trusted a lot. Too much. “Are you a cop, by chance? You've got the whole detective thing going on."

"Prosthetist, actually." He answered, his hand reaching out and picking up a book at random. He wasn't a fan of fiction, not really. He preferred nonfiction; it was more realistic—less pointless details.

"Oh, wow, I was completely off. I didn’t expect that." You mused, looking up at him with those eyes. You had such an expressive face; it was amazing how easy you were to read. He could practically see the gears turning. How could he use this?

"Expected an axe murderer, did you?" He joked, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Maybe. Wouldn’t that be a twist?" You grinned a glint of amusement in your eye. “Speaking of, that’s probably what you like. Thrillers. Those kinds of stories are full of twists and turns. No one is who they appear to be. Kinda like you, hm?"

"Ouch."

"Sorry, am I being too honest?"

"No, I like it. Keep going." He was having fun. With Debra, it was exhausting. She was so stubborn, so headstrong, she never listened. It took him about three coffees just to have enough patience to deal with her sob story.

But with you, you were a breath of fresh air. He didn’t have to force himself awake or hide his boredom. He could just enjoy it, relish in the moment, and the fact that you were so easy to play with.

You pulled out three books: two thrillers and one horror. A classic and a new one. "These are what I recommend. Start with Primal Fear; that’s the one I believe you'll like the most. The first one might take you a while, but if you stick with it, the sequel will be worth it.

He reached forward, his hand brushing over yours, his touch lingering as he took the book. He purposely brushed his thumb against the back of your hand, just enough for a spark to go through your veins.

He saw the way your breath hitched, and he smirked. This was too easy.

"Thank you, you've been a great help."

"One more thing before you go." You spoke, stopping him. His eyes moved up from the book to your own, and there he saw something that made him falter.

Something that made him freeze longer than he should have.

You had a fire behind those eyes. A flame that burned with a passion, a curiosity that threatened to eat him alive. A want, a need, to get into his head. To peel him open and look inside.

Your eyes weren't cold or empty like his. They were alive. Full of life.

"Books don’t impress women,” Your voice was low, a secret, something meant only for him to hear. “It’s the passion that opens their hearts. You have nothing if you can't show it."

"I think I've misjudged you." He spoke, his hand resting on the shelf above your head. He had no choice but to lean closer, and he felt the way your breath fanned across his skin.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You're a lot more than you appear, aren’t you?"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

The question was left unanswered. He didn't give a response because, in truth, he didn't know.

He left that day not with his brother’s cure or even the thought of him. He left with three books.

Three books and the disease he believed to be immune to…

Hesitation.

[@numetalnerd2007] Since you asked, I figured this would automatically mean you were interested. At least I hope you were 💀

That being said, please be nice to me for this one since it’s my first time writing for Biney here (and I haven’t rewatched season 1 in forever), so his character probably isn’t 100% solid. It’s a work in progress 🙏✨

Also, for all my Joe Goldberg fans out there, did you catch the reference I made? I see a slight resemblance between Brian and Joe, so I wanted to sneak it in a little something. I think it’s the hair, honestly.

[namfinessed]

so close - m.yg.

genre: major angst, fluff, second chance romance (13.5k)

summary: words are not enough for people who are so close and so in love, or a fic in which yoongi loses you but will do everything in his power to win you back.

note: writing after so long felt liberating, i hope you feel through my words.

this one is dedicated to my soulmate, @hopefuldreamlove​

masterlist 

“you know what? i’m done, i’m fucking done with your nonsense, i hope this stupid roof falls on your head!” your screams bounced off the walls loudly as you dragged your bags to the front door, you no longer recognized yourself.

when had it become this bad?

“i hope so too, at least that way i don’t have to hear you scream like a banshee on drugs, just get the fuck out already” yoongi huffs as he matches your vicious tone, but his chest tugs at him, begging him to move and stop you before it was too late, before you actually left and never came back. but his pride was stronger, he wasn’t going to beg you to stay, he was stubborn enough to pretend this didn’t affect him at all.

you don’t respond or even turn back to look at him one last time, you slam the door and trudge your luggage impatiently to the elevator.

yoongi couldn’t move, he watched the front door with pursed lips, he couldn’t believe that after all this time, this was how you two were going down.

he should’ve stopped you; he shakes his head at himself, he shouldn’t have even let the fight get so far, he should’ve stopped the second your voice wavered with unshed tears halfway through the argument but he didn’t, he waited for those tears to turn into simmering anger and yoongi didn’t do anything to make you stay. as always.

that was why you fought in the first place because yoongi had seemingly given up on putting any effort into your relationship.

halfway through the parking lot, you pulled your suitcases behind you with heavy steps, letting out puffs of breath with furrowed eyebrows, and then you paused. your heel stuttering as you narrowed your eyes, your hands loosened around the handles of your bags.

why should you leave?

you both were still owners of that apartment, both of you paid the rent and if you left now, you don’t even have a place to stay and you didn’t want to inconvenience your friends because yoongi was being an asshole, you also didn’t want to go through the trouble of finding a new apartment when you had a perfectly available one right above you (with three bedrooms!).

you smiled wickedly, if yoongi thought he was getting rid of you this easily, he was dead wrong because now, you were determined to make his life hell by living right next to his door and doing everything you could to make him uncomfortable.

yoongi didn’t hate a lot of things, but his personal space was always important to him and you were determined to make that space as worse as it could get and if he had a problem, he could always leave and find another place, he had the money to buy another apartment anyway.

with that happy revenge plan, you walked back to the elevator with a bounce on your step, you couldn’t wait to make yoongi’s life miserable.

yoongi, on the other hand, had been watching the clock since you walked away, it took every fiber of his pride to keep himself on that couch and not run after you but eventually, he knew that he needed you, he couldn’t ignore his sinking chest forever, so he ran to get his car keys, begging and praying silently that you hadn’t gone too far.

he reached for his phone as he made his way to the door, already texting your friends to see if you had gone to them.

imagine his surprise when you slam the door open just as his hand moves towards the door handle, he jumps back with a pounding heart and a rush of emotions fills him.

a mix of relief, remnants of his previous frustration, pure joy, and cockiness fill him as he sees you back in your home, his hands almost grab you into a hug but instead clench into fists and tighten beside his body.

“missed me already?” his lips curl into a smirk and your glare hardens, but you give him the sweetest smile in return, and yoongi’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion.

you looked furious when you left so, yoongi didn’t understand the smile on your face even if his heart jumped at the smile he hadn’t seen for a while now.

“don’t flatter yourself, min yoongi, i’m not back for you, i’m back for my apartment” you sing to him as you purposefully shove his shoulder on your way in, even running your suitcase on his toes accidentally as you walk past.

he winces and curls to grab his stinging foot, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” yoongi growls, any idea of needing you had left him swiftly as his anger returned with a vengeance.

“oops, sorry, didn’t see your foot there” you tried not to snicker as you said but you still had that shit-eating grin on your face and yoongi huffed, annoyance filling his every crevice.

“okay, what are you doing back here? i clearly remember you hoping that this roof falls on my head, did you come back for it to fall on yours too?” yoongi followed you as you walked to the guest bedroom, his footsteps speeding up to catch your pace but you remained one step ahead.

“you mean, what am i doing in my house? i don’t know yoongi, what do people do in their houses?” your voice was sickeningly sweet and yoongi ran a hand across his face in exasperation, “this is our house, can you stop being sarcastic for one minute and give me a straight answer?”

“as far as i remember and you are free to correct me, both of our names are on the lease, making both of us rightful owners, why would i go anywhere else when i have a home right here?” you level your glare with him as he stares back with an unreadable expression, “are you doing this just to be petty?” yoongi thought you had come back for him but now knowing that you didn’t, filled his chest with a bitter, ugly feeling.

“i have no idea what you are talking about, i am just choosing to live in my house” you shrug your shoulders as you put your clothes into the guest room’s closet, yoongi looks away with furrowed eyebrows, “stop calling it your house, it is our house” your hand paused at the longing in his voice but remembering all the nights you went to bed crying because of him, pushed you to just keep arranging your things.

“it is mine and yours, not ours,” you concluded and yoongi tried to shake off how heavy your words made him feel, “besides, i won’t even be bothering you anymore, think of us as roommates and nothing more until i find a new place.”

“roommates?”

“roommates.”

“you are going to find a new place?” yoongi asks, shifting on his feet, it was strange to see you occupying a different part of the house.

“of course, why would i stay here with you for longer than required?” you planned to just ruin his life for a little while and then leave to a place where you could finally breathe.

you just staying here would ruin it enough, you thought.

“you shouldn’t even be staying here right now” he bit back, masking the ache in his heart with insults he normally wouldn’t even think of uttering but that confirmed it for you that your decision to stay bothered him and that satiated your petty heart.

“if you have a problem with me staying, you can leave and find a new place” you gave him a large, sarcastic grin and yoongi’s eyes further narrowed on you. “i don’t give a fuck about you staying or leaving, just stay out of my way” yoongi mumbled and slammed the guest door shut.

you rolled your eyes as you continued shoving your belongings in place, you couldn’t wait for this lease to be over, just as much as he did.

-

the lease was supposed to be renewed after three months and you were hoping to find a place by then because as much as you taunted yoongi, you were planning to move out the next chance you get because you couldn’t stay around him and hate yourself for liking him still.

you spent the first two weeks, mostly staying out of home, you couldn’t stand seeing him working all day, even at home. that was why you two had fought and ultimately broken up over, and as much as you hated to admit it, you were hurt that he didn’t even try to change his ways.

your eyes glared at the eggs sizzling in the pan sitting in front of you as your hands tightened impossibly around the spatula you held.

were you supposed to cook eggs with a spatula?

were the eggs supposed to look that dark in color?

was whatever you’re holding, even a spatula?

your head tilted in confusion as you tried to rake your brain for things you learned from cooking shows and let out a sigh of frustration as the eggs you flipped had smoke coming out of them.

you never had to worry about cooking, as busy as yoongi got, he always made sure you at least had leftovers to heat up before he left for work but you would rather plunge yourself on a bed of legos than ask him to make your food.

besides, you could do this yourself, you have done much more difficult things than this in life, a couple of eggs and bread weren’t going to be that hard.

“are you seriously using a scooper?” you heard a low, groggy voice from across the room and you sucked in a breath, face heating up in embarrassment.

so, you weren’t using a spatula after all.

you stiffly nodded and yoongi snickered, “if you need a ride to the hospital after eating whatever you made, i will be happy to take you.”

you turned around with an annoyed huff, “as if you have time for anything besides being holed up in your studio, i will die before you even come and get me.” yoongi’s jaw tightened as you pointed your spatula (scooper) at him, and then, he released a long breath as another grin graced his face, “so, you agree? you agree that you will end up in the hospital after eating this?”

“even if i do, i don’t see how it’s any of your goddamn business, min yoongi, just make your fucking breakfast and don’t be such an insufferable roommate” maybe your words were harsher than needed, but you couldn’t stand being around him and not hurt him, as he had hurt you over the course of the past few weeks.

yoongi didn’t retaliate which only made you feel worse, but you held your chin high in defiance of your own guilt as he did exactly as you told, he kept quiet and made his breakfast.

and of course, he made a huge spread of everything from bagels to smoothies to chocolate pancakes, he put them right in front of you as he sat on the opposite side of the long island table as you stared down at your burnt eggs and bread with a clenched jaw.

for yoongi, work could wait right now but annoying you couldn’t.

“i hope you enjoy your breakfast, y/n, if you can call it that” yoongi gave you his brightest smile yet, the stretch on his face covering the otherwise sarcastic tone “because i know i will enjoy mine” he finished by shoving a forkful of the cream cheese and chicken bagel that he knows is your favorite. he knows how much you loved it when he made it for you after a night full of love and attention.

you glare at him with annoyance crawling up your arms and legs as he lets out a moan of approval at the bite, obviously putting on a show to piss you off more, your mouth waters involuntarily as he chews slowly with nods and loud hums of satisfaction but what finally drives you mad, is when he lifts his head from eating and gives you a cheeky wink.

your hands gripping the table's edge turn white as you forcedly push your body away from the table, abandoning your sad excuse of breakfast and stomping out of the room.

you hate that you can hear yoongi’s sinister laughter even after you slam your door shut.

-

this is what continues for you both, you accidentally unplug his computers, he accidentally drops juice on you right before you go to work, you accidentally break his speakers, and he accidentally puts your night plushie in the washing machine and reduces it to nothing but a shapeless fluff. the cycle continues, both of you determined to not let the other breathe peacefully, every night you slept while making a plan to destroy his day, and every morning you woke up to execute it.

it was childish, immature but it gave you the satisfaction you craved. seeing his usually passive face become irritated or waking up to his screams of frustration and curses filled you to the brim with joy.

you did start to question why you enjoyed it so much though, sure you wanted to give him hell but the whole process of planning it wasn’t what made you satisfied, it was purely his reaction to it.

“you just want his attention again” your dear friend, jennie, mutters as she glares at you while sipping her bubble tea. you immediately scoff at her; she had no idea what she was talking about.

“no, i want him to suffer” you correct her and she shakes her head at you, putting her drink down and leaning forward with furrowed eyebrows. “i worry about you, you know.”

“why? i’m perfectly fine” you shrug because you don’t see anything that she needs to worry about, you are moving on, you are making yoongi suffer like you wanted to, your work performance is still intact, and everything was smooth sailing. “no, you are not. i thought it was weird that you wanted to stay in the same house as your ex, but i didn’t say anything because you were in a sensitive place then. now, you have to admit that you are delaying staying away from him.”

“i’m staying in a house that i own and that i am paying rent for, it has nothing to do with min yoongi.” you jab a finger on the table as irritation fills you, but you also feel embarrassed? humiliation crawls on your insides as you try to maintain a passive face. jennie’s face softens and she reaches out for your hand, “i know how much he hurt you, don’t punish yourself by thinking you have to prove to anyone that you want to hurt him as he did you. your pain doesn’t need justification.”

-

you couldn’t sleep that night, all you could think of was jennie’s face as she uttered those words, her gentle hands keeping you anchored to the real world, the world where min yoongi shredded you to pieces without caring or knowing about it. before you know it, you feel tears escape down the side of your eyes and your hand shakily reaches out to muffle your sobs.

why couldn’t you just stop caring?

why couldn’t you up and leave?

what kept you tethered to a relationship that was void before you ever called it off?

and why couldn’t you just fucking stop crying?

you wanted to let your hand go, so yoongi can listen to your wails, to what he’s done to you, the damage he’s caused, the broken pieces that you struggle to pick up, maybe in some sick way, you want him to come and wipe your tears away, maybe you just want him to show up this once, to make up for all the months he didn’t. but you don’t let it go, you hold it tighter against your face because as much as you want him to know, you can’t. you can’t have him find out that your tears were because and for him.

-

you didn’t have to justify your pain but you did have to prove that you were moving on, so against jennie’s and all your friend’s better judgment, you decided a date night would just be enough to prove that you didn’t care about yoongi or whatever you had with him anymore.

you hummed lightly as you got your favorite dress out, it had an open back and whenever you wore it, yoongi couldn’t stop touchin-

this isn’t about him.

you huff in annoyance at your own thoughts as you lay your dress down on the bed, you are not thinking about him, not today and not ever, today is only about your date, you are going to have a good time, get lightly tipsy, and maybe even have a full-blown make out session if you get drunk enough for it and you will not think of yoongi at all.

you took a deep breath in as you started doing your makeup.

how long has it been since you got ready for a date? at least, a date that didn’t get canceled as soon as you were ready. your makeup brush slows in your hand as your heart starts feeling heavy again. you didn’t bother getting ready for anything if it was not with yoongi even when he canceled, even when he pleaded with you that he would be there and left you hanging.

you gave such little regard for yourself and you feel angry that you didn’t put yourself first, that you didn’t fight him right then and there, you feel irritated that you quenched your needs for as long as he made you wait.

 you start getting ready with more aggression after that, you were definitely going to put yourself first now, yoongi gets none of you. you don’t need him for anything anymore.

except for maybe one thing.

you stand in front of the mirror with a scowl, your arms awkwardly bent to try and zip your dress up but your fingers are just out of reach for it, you start to hop awkwardly hoping that somehow hopping around will magically zip your dress up and start to groan in frustration.

“are you auditioning to be a kangaroo?”

you pause with gritted teeth at his amused voice coming from the doorway that you didn’t realize was wide open all this time.

this can’t be happening right now.

“can you fuck off?”

“and you will go out with your zip wide open, got it, i will be taking my leave.” He snickers and starts to head out, only to pause when a whine comes up your throat, you bite your lip to swallow your pride because you don’t want to ask him, but you have no choice.

“yoongi, can y-“

“can i?” he turns around in a flash, leaning against the doorway with a smirk on his face, that you want to slap off.

“can you zip my dress up?” you mumble out in a rush and shift your feet to face him with half your body. yoongi whistles, looking away, acting like he didn’t hear you at all, and your eyes drop into a glare, you can already feel your irritation crawling up your skin.

“you heard me, stop acting like a kid.” you scowl at him as you stomp your foot.

“i did but a ‘please’ would be nice, you know, zipping a dress is tough work and i can’t just hand it out for free.” he was enjoying this way too much but his heart was dipping continuously as he kept looking at you from the corner of his eye.

when was the last time he saw you, all dressed up?

why can’t he remember the last time he took you out?

why can’t he remember the last time he fell asleep and woke up with you?

he clears his throat loudly as he makes his way across the room, your glare stays on yoongi as he approaches you but you don’t miss how his eyes stay downward as he walks with slow steps. you tilt your head in confusion as you push your hair to the side, to let him zip you up.

but he never does.

he stands behind you, looking in the mirror as you hold your hair up, he looks at you through the mirror, and your eyes meet his.

yoongi doesn’t look away.

you don’t look away.

your zip is long but forgotten.

and suddenly, you feel like the room is running out of air for you to breathe in.

you hadn’t been this close to yoongi in so long.

you can’t tell if he’s thinking the same thing, you can’t tell if he’s finding it hard to find air right now too, you can’t tell if his heart is beating as loudly as yours.

but sorrow fills you because, in all these months, yoongi has come this close to you, only to zip the dress that you’re wearing on a date with someone else.

“yoongi.” you whisper, so quietly, so delicately, as if you can’t bear to utter his name but you have to.

“right, zip.” he shakes his head at himself, quickly looking downwards and his hand’s ghost on the skin exposed to him, yoongi is suddenly unsure if he can zip you up or not, he’s unsure if his hands will let him only zip you up, he’s unsure of where that would lead to.

“where are you headed to?” yoongi tries to sound casual as clears his throat and his fingers finally catch the small zip at the dip of your dress, he takes his sweet time dragging it up, his eyes savoring every inch of skin he hasn’t touched.

you hesitate, you don’t want to tell him. actually, maybe you do, maybe you wanted him to know before but after the shift in the very air around you, it feels wrong. “a date.” your answer leaves you in a choke, just as he finishes pulling the zip all the way to the top.

he removes his hands from you like he’s been stung, and he steps back, yoongi doesn’t even breathe as he stands unmoving.

air rushes in your lungs once you notice the conflict in yoongi’s eyes, once you recognize the conflict forming a knot in your stomach and even air seems like too much for you.

the moment is over and you can feel your defenses climbing up too.

you are ready to fight him, you are ready to argue that you both were done, and that what you do with your time is none of his business and it never will be, and that you can kiss, fuck, do whatever you want with whomever you want.

because you two were done.

because you two were done.

that statement didn’t feel real until this second. something about the statement felt like the most incorrect thing in the world to yoongi.

but he won’t say it.

he won’t hurt you anymore.

he can’t hurt you anymore.

“have fun.” his words are low, and curt and they fall into the silence around you both in a loud thud as yoongi quickly walks out of the room.

you are left in your dress, with a date you were going to be late to and a heart so heavy, you feel that you will drop it at your doorstep before heading out.

-

“isn’t that so exciting?” your date beams at you.

he’s cute, well accomplished from what you’re told and he seems interested in you.

you wish you could say the same.

but all your responses to him have been one-line sentences and tight smiles.

along with your pre-existing obsessive thoughts of yoongi and that goddamn zip, guilt bleeds into your system and so does dread.

guilt, because your date is as good as dates come, and he already mentioned that he would be more than willing to take time out for you and that he will be available whenever you want, that the next date will be whenever you are comfortable.

which should excite you.

which should delight you.

it should make you the happiest person in the world that he’s so openly giving you his time even if you are meeting him for the first time, it should make you the happiest that he seems enamored by you, that he wants to know so much about you. your friend had mentioned that this guy had been asking about you for a while and that when she asked, he had jumped in joy at the idea of going on a date with you, this should make you happy.

but it doesn’t, it sits bitterly in your mouth that it doesn’t make you feel a single thing.

you felt a million more flutters, kicks, and tingles in that one-minute yoongi zipped your dress up than you have for the past hour sitting opposite to your date.

dread also, slowly but surely, starts to consume you from the inside out. it scares you that maybe you will never feel all of that with another person, that you have somehow run out of sensation when it comes to someone else, it scares you that this might be forever, that you will never truly move on, that you can ever only pretend to move on.

maybe if someone else touches you.

maybe if someone else feels you.

maybe you have a chance of forgetting the ghost that yoongi left on your skin, maybe if someone else kisses you, you will be able to forget how his lips felt.

maybe if someone else could be exactly like yoongi but not like yoongi at the same time, you can survive this.

there’s no one like yoongi.

and you can’t do this anymore.

you stand up abruptly, your mind too loud to let you sit and listen to one more word that didn’t come from yoongi. your date sits up alarmed, quickly reaching for your hand to ask you what was wrong, to check up on you.

he is touching you.

his hands grip your fingers tightly.

he won’t let go until you do.

there is security in his touch.

but.

nothing.

you feel nothing.

your breathing stills at the realization.

your body doesn’t even bother with his hands on yours, it doesn’t even register that a person is holding your hand, asking if you’re okay. your body hates you.

before you know it, you are rushing out a half-assed apology and running out of the restaurant leaving your date confused and hurt.

you wish you could turn back and tell him you felt the same.

you were confused and hurt too, just for someone else.

-

a defeated weight held your head down as you walk back to your home.

the home that you share with your ex.

if you were in a better mood, you would maybe laugh at the situation you’ve put yourself in, maybe laugh at how ridiculous all of this is but you can’t bring yourself to even walk without feeling like the world was crashing on you.

yoongi heard your footsteps out in the corridor and he jumps back from the door he had pressed his ear against, running to the couch before you reach the doorknob. and just as the door clicks open, he snuggles himself into the blanket on the couch and evens his breath to pretend like he’s just casually fallen asleep on the sofa with a movie playing.

he wasn’t pacing by the front door a million times, trying to listen in to when you would come back.

he wasn’t going to reach for his car keys and come to find you.

and yoongi definitely didn’t feel the jealousy burning in his throat since the second you walked out for a date with someone else.

yoongi hears a thud and opens his eyes to the smallest amount he can see.

and he sees you.

that dress still takes his breath away.

but he can hear your breathing too.

it’s uneven, rough, and too quick, just like how it always is when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated.

yoongi stiffens in his position, both concern and anger filling him and the blanket slips from his shoulder a little.

was it because of your date?

did he do something to you?

were you alright?

his heart thumps uncomfortably as your step near his figure, he doesn’t know if you can tell that he’s pretending or not.

then you sit right by where he’s laid, on the floor, another defeated sigh leaving your lips, and yoongi wonders of the ways he could kill your date for making you like this.

little did he know, it was because of him.

“i can’t do it, yoongi” you whisper, seemingly to no one even if you use his name like you don’t want him to hear and yoongi confirms that you believe his act.

“i can’t seem to move on” a sad and tired chuckle follows that sentence and yoongi’s skin burns underneath the blanket, he’s never heard you this way. “and i know you have, i know you moved on a long time, long before we ever broke up but i can’t. even if you have, i can’t.” tears build in your eyes as you try to blink them away, you felt ridiculous, talking to him when he was asleep.

but you couldn’t help it, there was so much you wanted to say but you never got the chance to.

“i can’t hate you for moving on, but i can hate our situation for making it so hard for me to move on, i can hate myself for ever loving you, i can hate a lot of things” you nod to yourself, yoongi’s fists curl on his chest, if only he could throw the blanket away and take you in his arms. if only it was that easy.

“i can’t hate you, i can never hate you” you finish, your head falls with the weight of every thought you had.

if only you could tell him this when he wasn’t sleeping, if only he made it easier for you to say it to him.

yoongi’s lips purse, out of all the things he thought you would end the sentence with, that wasn’t one of them.

he was prepared for you to insult him in the vilest way possible.

he was prepared for you to blame him; he was prepared to take the blame.

but he wasn’t prepared for what you said or how you said it.

he wasn’t prepared for the sad kind of joy that filled his heart.

his joy was a paradox, too many faces for him to feel it at all.

you got up, turning the television off and pausing to look at him before you disappeared into your room and prepared yourself for yet another day of pretending to hate him.

yoongi could feel the weight of your gaze on him. he foolishly wonders if his hair is looking okay today, if the pajamas he chose today looked good on him, if he was looking presentable.

he can’t help it, you are standing in your prettiest dress and yoongi knows no one can be more beautiful than you, in that dress, in any dress, or in nothing at all. he only wants to be worthy of you.

then you do something that makes yoongi choke back a long breath.

you tuck his blanket back in place and your hands make quick work to cover his ears sufficiently.

it’s a simple action but it makes yoongi feel everything he did for you when he confessed his crush to you all those years ago.

then you step back and pad away quickly to your room and once your door falls shut, yoongi sits up immediately, breathing heavily.

he buries his head in his hands as frustration and something so similar to grief run through him in waves.

was he really stupid enough to let you go?

why did he feel regret now, when everything was concluded?

why did you have to tell him all of that?

his heart ached, his fingers ached, all of it was for you. and he looks at your door longingly.

you were wrong, yoongi thought. yoongi would die before he ever moved on from you.

and he never really let up a chance to prove you wrong.

at your door, his hand pauses in the middle of knocking when he hears your sobs on the other side.

if someone ripped his heart out, it would probably hurt less than this.

how badly he wanted to break down the door and hug you until your tears became his.

how badly he wished to caress your hair until you fell asleep.

how badly he wished you would fall asleep in his arms.

how badly he wished, against his awareness of the selfish nature of his wish, to see you in that dress one last time.

yoongi could open the door, he could do all of this, he could grant himself everything he wishes for but the door wasn’t the only barrier between you two and he became painfully aware of all the invisible barriers you both held up now.

he can’t just leave and come back when he wants, it wasn’t fair on you.

so, yoongi, regretfully and slowly, takes a step back and disappears into his studio where he catches no sleep.

but hey, he could at least finish a song that night.

that night, yoongi knew he was lying to himself if he said that he didn’t love you anymore. but he was also on thin ice with you, yoongi was going to try his best to stay on the surface.

this would be the last song he would make for a while, he had more important things on his checklist.

-

the smell of-

was that cream cheese?

your groggy, half-asleep mind somehow registers the waft of bagels and cream cheese in the air, which is enough to pull yourself out of bed.

with tangled hair and puffy eyes, you pad into the kitchen with a narrowed gaze.

of course, it’s yoongi.

you glare at his back which moves constantly to put together a cream cheese and chicken bagel which was, as mentioned, your favorite. usually, you would appreciate this view, usually, you would go give him a back-hug as he cooked for you but you knew it wasn’t for you.

“do you have to torture me like this?” you whine out, and yoongi snickers, his apron tightening around his waist as he turns around to look at you, “good morning to you too, you look bright as ever this morning” he gives you his best smile and you return a sarcastic one.

despite his aloof attitude, yoongi was trembling on the inside because he knows there is no single right way to win you back, he would have to earn it, and he would have to work on it every single day.

but if it was going to take forever to win you back, yoongi would try forever.

you buried your pounding head in your hands as you took a seat at the table, wondering how you were going to cook for yourself again without accidentally setting something or yourself on fire.

then, a glass of water with advil comes into view and you look up to see yoongi immediately backing away to work on breakfast again.

“are you trying to drug me?”

“is it working?”

you can’t help the small smile forming at his amused tone, but you don’t say anything which makes yoongi sigh in failing irritation. “come on, it’s just advil. you don’t need me to drug you, you do that with your cooking every day.”

“geez, thanks for reminding me i’m not freaking gordon ramsay in the kitchen” you continue his banter, somehow, you’re in a good mood even after how terribly last night ended. you go mute when he places a plate filled with your favorite bagel, an omelet, bacon, and even mini jam sandwiches in it.

you just stare at the plate before dragging your gaze to yoongi who turns away once again, this time with a dust of pink on his full cheeks that you catch.

“your side of the table is that way” you point to the opposite side, albeit regretfully because it’s been a while since you have had a proper, not-burnt breakfast, but he must have mistakenly placed this beautiful plate of food in front of you.

it has to be a mistake.

there’s no other reason for yoongi to feed you.

but oh, yoongi’s just so full of surprises.

“that one’s for you.” he shrugs casually as if it was normal to make you breakfast, after he’s only eaten it in front of you for a few weeks.

“what?”

“do you have hearing problems?”

“do you have mental problems?”

“yeah, but a dining table is hardly an appropriate place to discuss those, don’t you think?” maybe it was his flat tone as he said, indicative of his sense of humor, maybe you were just in a more fantastic mood than you had anticipated.

but you burst out laughing. you couldn’t help it; your laughter took over your entire system.

you can’t remember the last time you laughed like that.

yoongi had always managed to make you laugh or smile; this magical ability made you fall for him hard and fast, and after a rough day, he was the reason you at least slept peacefully, when you were together.

when you were together.

right, that wasn’t you two anymore.

that realization slows your laughter to a hesitant chuckle, yoongi wishes he didn’t notice that shift.

"don’t try to cook ever again if you want this roof over our head.” he jokes again as he sits down on his side of the table, suddenly the table seems too long to him and he hopes you’ll laugh again.

"are you saying you'll kick me out?" you dramatically gasp at him with an undeniable smile on your face.

it’s all right, yoongi will take a smile too.

"I’m saying you'll burn it down.” he continues with a playful whine that has you giggling again, swinging your legs under the table, a true indicator of your happiness in that minute which yoongi doesn’t miss.

“don’t you have work today?” you ask, finally digging into your food as yoongi does to his.

god, that’s good.

you swear his hands are magic.

“i took the day off” yoongi shrugs again, the second time he’s shrugging over things that aren’t half as casual as he makes them seem.

as long as you know, yoongi only ever took one day off, which was on your first anniversary.

he was always late to the other anniversaries.

you try not to think of that now, especially when both of you were in a civil mood.

“why, are you sick or something?” though concern fills you, you don’t let it show as you stuff your mouth.

“nope, just like that.” you hum in reply with poorly contained surprise.

“i don’t have work today either.” you don’t know why you tell him but you do.

“i know.”

“okay.”

“okay.”

you feel embarrassed at the disappointment that filled you when he didn’t say anything about it, what did you expect he was going to do, ask you for a date? if he wanted to, he would have done it when you were together.

“do you want to watch a movie?”

you almost drop your fork.

yoongi is surely full of surprises because you don’t even process his request for a second.

“what?”

“do you really have hearing problems?”

“no, i just didn’t quite catch what you said. are you asking me to watch a movie with you?” you repeat his words in disbelief, the plate of food that you loved so much, completely forgotten on the table.

“yes, that is what i said.” he confirms and you tilt your head in suspicion that yoongi notices too quickly which causes him to rush out, “as roommates.” it pains him to say it but he can’t come up with anything else to convince you.

“as roommates?” your confusion only grows.

“as roommates.”

“but why?” you can’t help but ask.

“just think of it as me trying not to be an insufferable roommate” he offers his explanation and in theory, in practicality, it makes perfect sense.

but both of you know it’s not that simple.

nevertheless, you don’t pry anymore.

yoongi’s shoulders fall in defeat when you don’t agree or deny, he just watches you continue to eat his food with furrowed eyebrows.

he took it too far, he should’ve stopped with breakfast today and tried to convince you to a movie another day, when you’ve warmed up more to him. you are probably still stuck in whatever happened last night and want your space.

“there’s this new horror one i saw on instagram the other day, i must have the link somewhere, i’ll put it on in a bit.” you look away with heated cheeks as you struggle to swallow your food.

oh.

you just agreed to the movie.

yoongi believes he could fly.

-

“man, this is not as scary as everyone said it was” you complain through a mouthful of popcorn, and yoongi nods in agreement, stuffing his face with a handful of popcorn too.

“by the way” yoongi sits up after hours of slouching on the couch and you signal for him to continue. “how did your date go yesterday?” he mutters, as casually as he could, reaching for more popcorn to avoid the tension surrounding the question.

last night comes back in flashes, your cute date, running away from the cute date, coming home to yoongi and confessing you would never get over him, covering him with a blanket and crying yourself to sleep.

shit, did he hear you?

“it went well, i came home pretty late though.” the lie tumbles out of you in lack of a better response.

yoongi knows you’re lying but he’s happy to play along with you because last night did a number on him too.

“glad to know it went well. i wouldn’t know when you came, i fell asleep watching some documentary” he munches on his popcorn loudly, he misses the error in his lie.

he wasn’t watching a documentary.

he was watching ‘finding nemo’.

and you know that because you were the one who shut the tv off.

you know that he’s lying. but instead of confronting him about that and that possibly leading to a conversation about what you uttered into the night, thinking he was asleep, wasn’t a risk you were willing to take.

“right, i did see you asleep.”

and i poured my heart out, right next to you.

yoongi in unaware his lie is caught; you prefer that he stays unaware. because if anything you said last night is what prompted him to act the way he did today, you are glad it didn’t all go to waste.

“we should sleep” he slouches back on the couch, too close to you, he’s hyperaware of your arms pressing against his but now that he’s already fallen back, he can’t quite get up as easily anymore.

he doesn’t want to get up.

“we should.” you agree.

neither of you moves a single inch.

laughter explodes into the room at that, both of your heads falling to the side to look at each other with squinted eyes full of happiness.

but when the laughter dies down and you are left to catch your breath, you are suddenly too aware of yoongi’s face being so close to yours, you don’t move away.

yoongi knows you know that you two are far too close.

he doesn’t move away either.

you start to lean in, your body is on autopilot as your hands sneak up to sit on the top of his knee, yoongi shudders from your touch.

how long had he gone without it?

how had he survived for so long?

how did his heart continue to beat without yours in his hands?

he panics internally as his hands come up to grab onto the sides of your face, like he won’t let go, like letting you go once was enough pain for him.

and when your lips touch, every bit of control you had left on your body evaporates into the air around you, you are grabbing his hair, and he is pulling you closer, and not once do you stop to take a breath.

because you know that when this moment is over, both of you won’t speak a word about it.

you can’t remember the last time yoongi kissed you this way, like his hands would disappear if they weren’t holding you, like his entire life purpose was to take your breath away and never give it back, like every part of him had been aching to do this.

and then it does end, painfully, too slowly, you pull away before your chest burns away, he pulls away because he has to.

you were right.

you don’t speak a word about it.

-

there was no ‘good night’ after that, there was no ‘see you later’, there was nothing left in that moment except the hope stored away in yoongi’s eyes. you pretend you don’t notice it as you, once again, eat the food he makes you in the morning.

yoongi knows he has to say sorry though, he hadn’t planned on that happening, he was just another lucky idiot that night, he was aware enough to know it wasn’t right for two to do that even if you’ve been together for years.

things were different and yoongi always hated change but he had to overcome this change instead of walking away from it, if he wanted to even dream of having you back.

so, he is the one who starts the uncomfortable conversation that you’d been anxiously waiting for.

“about last night-“

“you don’t have to worry about it.” you answer, as quick as lighting, and you even surprise yourself with your speed.

“oh?” yoongi raises an eyebrow at you.

what the fuck was he supposed to understand from that?

“come on yoongi, it’s not like we haven’t done it before” your chuckle following your words, is uncomfortable, tight, and completely unnatural.

“right” yoongi drawls, still not quite getting what you were hinting at.

were you okay with it?

were you not?

would he just have to kiss you again to find out?

“it was just a mistake, it happens, it’s not a big deal, i’m still moving out, you are still very much in love with your career, we don’t have to discuss it anymore” you eat as you speak, trying to bury the longing and bitterness in your voice with cold cereal.

so, that is what you meant.

yoongi doesn’t reply as his head stays down, he gets up soon after, cleaning up after himself and you, he doesn’t speak a single word or spare you a glance and disappears into his studio.

you are all too familiar with this scene.

you only watch as he does all this, you wouldn’t admit to another living soul that your heart grew heavier than it had ever been and that your chest felt tight enough to snap.

yoongi angrily walks around his studio, you could think it was a mistake but yoongi would break his computer before calling it a mistake.

but he realized he still had a long way to go.

yoongi had to be patient, he had no other choice.

but he doesn’t realize every second he goes by without telling you what was weighing on his heart, was another second your already dying hope vanished.

he can’t help but think back on the day he overheard you talking to your friend about your relationship, he subconsciously never really let go of that day, that day, he concluded that it was out of yoongi’s hands to do anything.

“i can’t believe you called, it’s been way too long” he heard your sigh of happiness outside the door, and yoongi paused, he doesn’t exactly know why he stayed to listen but he does.

your relationship, by then, had already been on the rocks, but neither of you acknowledged it.

“i wasn’t going to call, but rumi was telling me you were on a date with a certain someone” your friend sang from the other side of the speaker, clearly trying to tease you but you don’t say anything to that.

yoongi knows why you went silent, making him dig his heels deeper and listen closely to see what you would say.

“yeah, about that” you let out a hesitant chuckle, your voice struggling to keep your cheery tone. “hey, you good? what happened?” your friend’s concern was palpable and yoongi almost scoffed at her, he cared about you too, it wasn’t just her.

but yoongi couldn’t deny the weeks you both had gone without so much as exchanging a proper conversation.

yoongi would never take the blame for it, though.

“we didn’t end up going” yoongi peeks through the door to see your face turned away from the camera and he hated that he noticed the pain etched in your furrowed eyebrows. your friend stayed silent at your simple, but heavy answer, she could tell this wasn’t the first time it happened.

“but today is your anniversary?”

“it is.” you agree with a gulp, still refusing to meet her gaze.

“how long has this been going on?” her voice comes softly, so softly that your chin starts to wobble.

“nothing’s been going on, yoongi and i are fine.” you wanted to believe your words but anyone with two eyes and ears could see nothing was fine with you two.

“is that what you are telling yourself?”

“what else am i supposed to do?” your glare turns sharp and angry, you were fed up with everyone coddling you, you felt claustrophobic enough when you were with yourself.

“you know, if you want to cry, you can. none of us would judge you, you know that very well.” she tries to comfort you and yoongi’s breath turns impatient.

why was she trying so hard to convince you something was wrong, when you were telling her that everything was fine?

why did yoongi feel like she was trying to start a fight?

why did yoongi, a small part of him, feel like a fight was inevitable?

“there’s nothing to cry about, my boyfriend is just busy for an anniversary that might come again, it isn’t as important as what he does.” as you say it, a dread falls over both you and yoongi that there might not be another anniversary.

his heart free falls to his feet.

he had been busy; he wasn’t lying about that but yoongi hadn’t checked on you all this while. he can’t remember how many dates he canceled.

but that wasn’t his fault, that was life, that was his life and you knew about his life before you entered it.

it couldn’t be yoongi’s fault, it had to be yours.

yoongi’s eyebrows scrunch in bitterness at the defeat in your voice, at the absurdity of the situation he never thought you two would have to be in, at the world for keeping you apart.

he looks away just when your sobs break the silence in the room.

“i thought i couldn’t breathe without yoongi, but i am, i am living many days without him, with only glances of him, i am living and breathing.” yoongi’s head leaves the doorway before you finish your sentence. if you wanted to live without him, he would let you go, he didn’t need you to stay out of pity.

“but it all hurts, and i don’t want to do any of that without him” is what he fails to catch in his anger.

yoongi looks back at the day mournfully now, he should’ve taken you out right then and there, he shouldn’t have given up just because it seemed like you did, his head falls in his hands as he rakes his hands through his hair in agitated motions.

he wasn’t sure if he could win you back.

but he wasn’t going to give up, he wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

-

your days continued, as usual, he made you breakfast and packed you lunch, did your laundry and set them aside, he made sure you ate after you got off work and you both watched a movie or listened to songs together, or anything at all, together at the end of the day.

you were feeling good.

too good.

things were going well enough to make you nervous because suddenly, everything you knew from your breakup to the two weeks of enmity that followed those two weeks, changed drastically.

it felt like everything went back to the way it was and as much as you should be enjoying it, you didn’t, without confirmation of where you both stood, you couldn’t.

and soon, there came a catalyst that changed everything once again.

it was a mistake.

yoongi would never intentionally do this.

he took your pile of clothes as he usually does, placing them in a bucket and preparing to do your laundry along with his.

yoongi’s heart thrums in satisfaction as he places them in the washing machine, he always felt good doing chores for you, he doesn’t know why and with how well things were going, he dances and sings his way to the laundry detergent and whistles happily as he pours it heavily over your clothes, making sure to add extra fabric softener.

he leaves to do some light work in his studio, not knowing the mistake he committed.

yoongi was gunning to ruin your life, you were so sure of it.

nothing else could explain your sopping wet blouses, supposed to be white, at your feet.

you gape in horror as you pick the pile apart frantically to search for any blouses that could be salvaged, after all, these were all you wore to work, and your head falls in defeat once you see all of them in multi-colors instead of their usual stark white.

your hands tighten by your side as you feel hot all over with pure rage, you quickly grab the ex-white blouses and storm into the living room where yoongi scrolls casually on his phone, his pout whistles out tunes which fade away as he catches sight of your heavy steps towards him.

you throw your blouses at his feet and your nose flares, yoongi jumps in his seat.

“what the fuck happened?” he gasps out, not understanding the anger in your eyes.

“yoongi, this isn’t funny.” you manage to say beyond gritted teeth and he scrunches his eyebrows.

“what isn’t funny?” he frowns in confusion.

“stop acting dumb, i will fucking force detergent down your throat” that raises concern in him, he looks down at the pile of clothes by his feet.

none of the whites were whites anymore.

fuck.

“okay, listen i swear this is an accident, i’ll get you new on-“

“i wear these to work! what is wrong with you?” you point down at the pathetic pile of clothes by his feet with hands shaking from anger.

“you know, i wouldn’t do this intentionally, i am aware you wear these to work, let’s go out now and get you new shirts, i’m sure some shops will be open” he gets up from his seat, searching for his keys.

“don’t act dumb yoongi, it doesn’t suit you at all.”

yoongi starts getting frustrated, why don’t you believe him?

“let’s go and get them before the shops close” he tries to remain calm.

“i’m not going anywhere with you.” you stay rooted in your place and yoongi’s patience starts to run thin. “i’m telling you, it was a mistake, i’m not crazy enough to do this intentionally, now let’s not fight and get you shirts you need for tomorrow before we can’t.”

“don’t act like you are some hero, you are the one who ruined them!” you don’t understand why you are so angry or why you can’t seem to move from where you stood.

“and i’m trying to fix it.” he grumbles out, slamming the keys on the counter beside him.

you stare at the keys with heavy breaths and he stares at you, his anger melting as quickly as it came to the surface.

“let’s go.” he takes the keys in his hands again.

maybe it was the confusion that finally manifested with an ugly head.

maybe you hated how comfortable you got around yoongi again.

maybe you are seeing nothing but all his mistakes until that minute.

maybe you aren’t being fair at all.

but you snap.

“you think you are the only one who does important work?” you didn’t mean to get personal or bring up the topic that broke you both up again, but you couldn’t help it. your arms cross against your chest as yoongi spins on his heels to turn back to you.

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“you clearly think you are the only one in the entire world who does meaningful work, the rest of us are just slaving away for money and security, but of course, the great min yoongi works for the greater good, for the comfort of many, for millions who adore him, that is why any work that is not his, is not valuable” your voice drips with venom and mocking as you take slow steps towards him, yoongi’s face falls into his usual glare as he watches you speak.

you poke your finger against his chest, your voice quivering with poorly controlled fury, “who the fuck do you think you are? do you think that writing a few songs and getting some records will erase how horrible you make people you are supposed to love, feel? do you think that you can get away with everything because your name is not just a name, but also a brand? i can at least say that my name belongs and serves only me, can you? you are nothing but walking merchandise that anyone can buy.” again, you never meant to say all of that, you know better than to call anyone an object but that was the thing about your anger, your anger had the power of making you say the most vicious words in the world and you had never learned to control it.

“you don’t mean that” yoongi forces himself to say because those words from anyone else, wouldn’t mean jack shit to him but coming from you, they speared his heart over and over again. he waits, he waits with his sinking heart that you would agree with him, he doesn’t believe in god but at that moment, he wished for every power to let you agree with him.

the air grew heavier around you both as you let out a sarcastic laugh.

“i have never meant anything more. you fucked with my work life, you know how much of an asshole my manager is about dress codes but you did the one thing that could ruin weeks of work for me, and you did it all by yourself, so congratulations min yoongi, you have once again proved to be the worst thing to ever happen to me” you clapped slowly as you stepped away from him, your face grim and dark as you turn away.

yoongi’s heart clenches as your words circle his body in a dangerous tornado.

walking merchandise that anyone can buy.

walking merchandise that anyone can buy.

walking merchandise that anyone can buy.

walking merchandise that anyone can b-

your glare slips as the words you uttered sink into your skin, and by the time you turn back around, yoongi’s eyes already gathered enough tears that they run down his face.

“is that what you’ve thought of me till now?” his voice breaks and so does your heart. “yoongi, no-“ you step towards him but he backs away, his defenses climb back right infront of your eyes as his body suddenly looks too far away.

“that’s not fair, you don’t get to tell me now, that you thought i was merchandise, that i keep hurting everyone i love, when all i’ve done these past weeks is try and win you back.” your world stops spinning as yoongi admits to his trials.

you feel like the biggest asshole in the world.

“yoongi, you were right, i didn’t mean-“ you walk over to him with hesitant steps, he doesn’t back away this time but he doesn’t let you finish either.

“i know i’ll never be worthy of you, i know i can only try but i’m trying, god knows i’m fucking trying because even if you can live and breathe without me, i can’t do any of that without you.” your own eyes start to tear up as you reach to wipe the wetness of his cheeks and yoongi takes a shaky breathe in as his face involuntarily cuddles into your palm.

“and you were wrong that night, i will never move on from you, i am simply not capable of moving on from you, because i have never loved anyone more than i’ve loved you, i’ve never wanted someone as much as i have wanted you, every bit of me belongs to you, none of me is mine anymore. and it took you being away for me to realize that.” yoongi’s confession stops time and space. he feels exposed like someone stripped him naked and threw him into traffic but he finally lets you know everything he’s dreamed of telling you.

you press your forehead against him with a wobbling chin and cup his face with shaky hands.

“did you ever think, that by loving me, you were hurting me too?” you needed him to know the extent of his pain, the depth of his scars. yoongi lets you tell him, he needed to know as well.

“every day, i waited.” the ball in your throat gets tighter as you speak and yoongi hates that he’s the reason why.

“every single date you canceled, every night i fell asleep without you, every meal i had without you, all those days i went without seeing you, i need you to know that it killed me slowly, that it made me a shell of the person i am.” yoongi felt shame rushing through him at your words, at the pain he caused you.

he would understand if you didn’t let him in again.

he wouldn’t try again if you didn’t want him to, he has too much respect for you.

“i love you too much to not give you a chance, heck i would probably give you a chance even if you don’t ask for it.” he looks up with blurry eyes.

“but i need to believe that it will be different this time, not just know that it will be.” you step away at that, staring at yoongi who was left standing with a burden that suddenly fell on his shoulders.

how was he supposed to make you believe that?

could you not trust his word alone?

but then again, his words haven’t exactly ended things well for you both.

“how do you want me to show you?” he needed to know, there was nothing he needed to know more.

your breathing stalls at his words.

“please tell me.” his voice breaks as he whispers that, yoongi’s eyes gathering tears again and your heart falls to your feet at the redness coating his eyes.

you wished none of today would have happened.

“yoongi.” you whisper back but you don’t even know what he could do to mend things, you are not sure he can but you can’t deny him a chance.

you don’t have an answer for him.

“i am going apartment hunting soon” you confess finally, and he feels his breath get knocked out of his chest. “oh really?” he asks, sniffing as he looks away.

“my friend knows this real estate agent person who set me up for a few tours, you have to understand why i had to do it.” he knows exactly why you had to do it and he hated knowing that it was all because of him.

but he wasn’t going to give up after ripping his heart out for you.

“i’ll come with you.” yoongi nods and you frown at him, “yoongi, you really don’t have to, i know you are bus-“ he cuts you off, “i am not busy, let me come with you, i want to at least make sure you move into a nice place.” that was a total lie but it wasn’t like yoongi had a lot of options left.

you ponder for a while, and yoongi waits patiently for your answer, he won’t push you if you deny but he will be as stubborn as he can be without frustrating you.

“fine, i’ll let you know by tomorrow.” you finally give in and without another word, go back into your room. you close your door with an exhausted sigh, your face aligning with your reflection across the room.

your eyes were redder than ever and all the energy had been sucked out of your face, making you look sick and you felt sick too, your entire body was aching and you wondered if yoongi felt this way too, if he was as tired, if he felt like the world was pulling his body down, if he maybe wanted to give up because of this feeling.

you stay several minutes this way; you hadn’t thought you would call yoongi merchandise. you, of all people, knew how stressful his job got but you no longer wanted to use that as an excuse for how he treated you.

“how do you want me to show you?”

those words sent a shiver down your spine at that moment, it was the desperation that drenched his voice, the way his hands were shaking beside his body, and his eyes that looked through every inch of you, trying to find ways to convince you.

a slow knock drew you out of your mind, your hand locking around the doorknob to pull it open, and there stood the reason for all your pain and yearning.

yoongi held a tray of hot soup with ginger tea, and a bunch of chocolates, his gaze settling everywhere but at you, as he stood with shifting feet.

“you didn’t eat anything.” you didn’t realize you hadn’t eaten all day but apparently, yoongi had and that tightened your chest around your heart a little more, suffocating you with the love you held for him a little more.

with trembling fingers, you hoped he wouldn’t notice, you take the tray from his hands and place it on a table, and yoongi turns to leave, he didn’t want to bother you too much, he just wanted to make sure you ate.

you pulled on his wrist, not exactly sure of what you will do next but somehow, you needed to touch him, feel that he was real and that you both were here, so lost but still together.

“t-thank you.” you stutter out, every other word you had woven all these months stayed trapped in your mouth. yoongi stared at the hand that held his wrist, he had almost forgotten how out of breath this used to make him feel. how he used to lose nights of sleep imagining you and him, in a house, waking up next to you, falling asleep with you, long before you had both ever committed, yoongi had imagined every day in his life with you in it.

he can’t believe how close he is to losing all of it.

“we should talk, yoongi.” you feel tired but you won’t be catching any sleep in the state the both of you were in, he would spend all night worrying about you, and you would spend all night worrying about him.

yoongi silently followed you into the guest room, it was still strange for him to see you in another part of the house, he eyes the makeup that was scattered on the vanity, the clothes lying around on the sofa, your socks at the edge of the bed and as silly as it sounded, he hated that none of this mess was in the room you two shared.

“i’m still going to see the apartments” you start off awkwardly, taking a seat on the bed and yoongi stood at the corner of the bed, hating that it felt wrong to sit next to you at the moment.

when had it become so bad?

“and i’m still coming with you to see them.” he concludes and gathers all his courage before plopping down next to you. if today didn’t go the way it did, you would laugh at the distance between you two and pull him closer and tell him to stop acting funny, but none of that felt right.

“i think you understand you fucked up” you say, finally looking up at his figure next to you and you shouldn’t have, your resolve already was spread thin, and looking at yoongi didn’t help.  “i do.” he agrees and nods shamefully.

“what are you going to do to fix it?”

“anything you want me to.” his answer is quick and firm, he was prepared for anything you would ask for, but you were tired of asking.

“it’s not about what i want, yoongi. i need to believe that you want this as much as i do, and that you’re prepared to fight for it, asking me about what to do is you just handing over the responsibility to me instead of at least trying to figure it out by yourself.” he listens intently, and puts himself in your shoes.

“i took a break from work.” your eyes widen at him and you have to force your jaw shut because you could’ve imagined anything but not those words leaving yoongi’s lips of all people.

“you, what?”

“work is good, very good but it was keeping me from you and it was hard to make that decision but i can always work, i can’t lose you. i can lose millions of dollars, this house, all my clothes, everything but nothing mounts to losing you.”

you have to force yourself to look away when he says that, because you never could have imagined that you were worth all of that and more to him and you are well aware of his deep affection for his work which makes it all the more sentimental that he was taking a break for you.

“i want to be worthy of you again, i want to spend time with you, i want to take care of you, i want to be anywhere around you as long as you want me. i thought i was working for us, for us to be comfortable, but i got selfish in the middle, and i ignored the person who kept me going when it got too hard.” he pauses, his breath shaking as his eyes fall shut. he remembers the exact second his chest almost blew up at the sight of you leaving home, he never wants to experience that again.

“it’s all on me, i should’ve never let you feel like i didn’t love you, loving you is one of the only things i can do right.”

“besides music.” you add in hopes to lighten the mood and you are successful when a full grin grows on yoongi, one that has your cheeks warming up with joy.

“besides music.” he agrees, “but i’ve done it for enough time now, i just want to love you, in the way you deserve to be loved. which is why i’m asking, no i’m begging for you to let me do this right, one last time.”

“what will change? if i say, yes?”

“all my time will be yours; all of my attention has always been yours and it will remain yours, i will make your food like i always have, we will go on dates whenever we want, and we will watch all the movies we’ve wanted to watch but couldn’t, we’ll do everything we used to do but better. it won’t go back to how it was but i don’t want us to stay as the shadow of who we used to be, because we’re meant for more than that.” he says sincerely, with his heartbeat echoing in every word and you couldn’t just pretend like you didn’t hear it.

“as much as i try to will this feeling away, i can never stop hoping for us.” in the next second that he utters those words, you throw yourself in his arms, and your final resolve breaks as his shaky hands snake down the length of your back like he can’t believe he gets to hold you like this again.

the first tear slips without knowledge, secretly and it disappears in his shoulder, his tear disappears in the crook of your neck. the tears that follow, fall shamelessly, without any intention of stopping and none of you say another word, not another ‘i need you to stay because i’ll lose the important piece of me if you go’, not another ‘i love you, like i’ve loved nothing else and losing you scares me like nothing else’, all of those remain unspoken but they hang in the air around you.

“i believe, with everything in me, that we’re meant for more than this.” yoongi braves to look at you, his eyes zeroing in on the curves of your cheeks, he hates that he was the reason for the tears that have fallen on them.

he can’t let it ever happen again.

“do you?”

-

“this one has beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows, i heard you have a passion for reading, so the sunlight will be perfect.” your agent says enthusiastically as he walks you through the sixth apartment you’ve seen today.

“she also has a passion for sleeping so that won’t work.” yoongi groans as he walks behind you, your face grows red as you slap him on the arm.

“if you’re going to complain about every house, just stay outside, i will look through them.” you grit your teeth at him but your heart softens when his mouth pulls into a whine, “our house is perfect, i literally don’t understand why you’re moving.”

all yoongi has done since he’s stepped out of home is complain about every single house you’ve been to.

“the closet won’t hold half your clothes.”

“a big kitchen is useless for you.”

“this literally looks like a druggie’s hideout.”

“it’s too white.”

no, you are not sure what he meant with the last one either but all you know is that he’s whisked you away from all of them before you could even consider them as options.

“we’ve talked about this, and we agreed that space could do us some good, and no, our house isn’t perfect, my bookshelf has no space left.” you complain lowly so that the agent doesn’t hear you but lo and behold he does. yoongi, on the other hand, can’t remember when he agreed that space would do you good, hell that’s the last thing he wants.

“which is why this house would be perfect for you, the bedroom offers a stunning full wall bookshelf that you can stock up with all of your reads without compromising for space!” he cheerfully chatters and yoongi’s jaw tightens, he hates this agent with all his body and soul even if he’s known him for an hour.

“i can build a bookshelf from scratch” he mumbles grumpily but he can’t help the way his heart flutters when he sees you catch sight of the bookshelf. it’s everything you ever want in a bedroom, a proper vanity, a low-set bed, perfect lighting, and of course, the majestic bookshelf.

your smile grows as you trace your fingers over the plush vanity and the bookshelf and yoongi’s face breaks into a half-smile.

it’s bittersweet, to have you, but in a different house, not the home you’ve built for years but yoongi would never deny anything that grew that smile on your face.

“i really like this one.” you beam at the agent who sighs out in relief but maintains a professional smile, “if you’re all set for it, i’ll get the paperwork ready.” he offers immediately and your eyes pass on yoongi’s figure in the doorway. he smiles at you encouragingly, as if he’s okay with it, but you know he’s not.

just then, yoongi’s phone rings and he excuses himself to step out to take the call, right before he leaves, he hears you say, “i’ll take this one” in a lovely, sing-song tone that he knows you only use when you’re truly happy. his shoulders slump but he knew that this would happen today, he had told his heart all night to not give up on him.

he answers the phone with an irritated tone, he didn’t know how to feel, he could barely listen to the person speaking to him on the phone, he wanted to be happy just for the fact that you agreed to give him a second chance, and that you were excited to spend time with him, but he couldn’t help the sinking in his chest at the thought of waking up and not seeing you.

“no, i am not coming in for work next week, i already told you this, don’t call me again.” yoongi says in a calm but stern manner, the person tries talking again but you were out of the house, and yoongi could care less about anything else.

“did you sign the papers? did you need a pen? i think i have one in my car, let me go grab it.” he rambles and hastens to make his way to the car but you bite back a smile and grip onto his hand.

“yoongi.” you step into his open arms and hug his torso, yoongi is confused but his arms wrap around you, and unconsciously you both are swaying in each other’s embrace.

the house was great but being in yoongi’s arms for these two minutes felt more like home than any house in the world and every corner of the house reminded you of the lack of his presence.

the kitchen, where he won’t cook, where he won’t make fun of your dishes.

the couch, where his headphones don’t lay carelessly.

the bedroom, where his side is neatly arranged while yours stays a mess.

the balcony, where he won’t sip his coffee dramatically at sunset to amuse you.

and the bookshelf, that he won’t help you fill with all the books he gets home, just because they reminded him of you.

you had wanted a home and space but you could find both of those in yoongi.

“you can build a bookshelf, right?” yoongi’s eyebrows scrunch at your question, he almost feels offended that you have to ask that.

“um duh, you know i can.” he whines and you giggle into his chest.

“then, i’m not moving.” yoongi’s arms almost fall away at your words, a strange mix of relief, gratefulness and content fill his every crevice as he tries not to hug you tighter, a punishment for even thinking of keeping you away from him.

and he will take this mix of emotions and remember it forever, the day you gave up on space to stay with him, he will remember the favor you did for his heart for as long as he breathes.

“i will build a million bookshelves if that’s what you want, all you have to do is stay, forever.” forever is a big word, a word yoongi never believed in, always saying that everything in life was on borrowed time but with you, it feels like too short of time.

you knew how he felt about forever so for him to say it to you, rushes into your chest and spreads with a warmth that makes you feel all things giddy and good.

he says nothing, no words, just keeps you in his arms after time had kept you away for too long.

“let’s go home, yoongi.”

[gallaghersgal]

Maggie, my lovey I come with another request for you!

The second chance romance trope, x my husband, Carmy.

Ok so walk with me here 🚶🏻‍♀️,

Carmy had one time forgotten about his anniversary with r, & she of course got very upset & sad about it. So he made sure the next day (without letting her find out) to go to the florist and place a standing order for flowers on their anniversary every year so she would never be able to tell if he forgot again.

Alright so flash forward years later, they break up. They both are pining for eachother / miss eachother a lot but Carmy was the one who called things off so R doesn’t try to contact him and Carmy is Carmy.

Their anniversary comes around and Carmy forgets of course because since they broke up he’s been even more of an animal in the kitchen but the flowers get delivered to R and of course it has the same note she got every year ‘Happy Anniversary baby, I love you always, xx- Bear’ at first she’s confused but then she is hopeful it was him reaching out to try and reconcile so she bites the bullet and calls him and is like “you still love me?” And mentally he’s like

*fffffuuuuuuuuuuck*

& has to explain that he placed a standing order so she could never be mad at him for forgetting again but he really does miss her

I’ll leave it up to you if r gets back together with him or if you want it to be pure angst!

(🤞fingers crossed it sends this time)

my dear capri, i love the exposition you've dropped in my inbox!!! here's the aftermath of receiving the flowers :(( warnings; angst, no happy ending, and swearing. also, here's the playlist i listened to while writing

from this trope list. part of my 1,500 follower celebration. masterlist -> here!

there are flowers at your door.

you've been fighting back tears the whole day. work was hell, your irritability heightened by the fact you'd barely eaten breakfast, not even bothering with lunch. it was harder now without carmen around. you've been angry all day, heels clicking in obnoxious stomps, your stomach burning and head pounding, and there are flowers at your door.

you kneel down to read the card, your heart clenching at the words. 'happy anniversary beautiful girl, i love you always. love, your carmen' a shaking hand comes to your mouth, you fumble with your keys to make it inside before you lose it entirely. he still loves you?

you dial carmen's number, hearing it ring twice before he picks up. "you sent me flowers?"

"o-oh, uh. t-that's a funny story, actually-"

your stomach twists in a knot. "i'd love to hear exactly how this is funny, carmen."

"well, forever ago, when i forgot our anniversary? i placed a standing order. so- so that way you'd always have flowers."

your heart sinks. he couldn't even bother to remember the date himself. worse, he didn't remember to cancel them. "you're fucking joking," you spit out.

"i-i'm not. baby-"

"don't call me that," you snap at him, your living room suddenly feeling claustrophobic. you push your window open to take a deep breath of the fresh air, turning your back to the wall and sinking down next to the plant he'd gifted you, moved inside to avoid the recent cold snap. a hand over your mouth muffles your sobs, your heart breaking all over again at this new information. "i can't believe you."

"i'm.. i'm s-sorry-"

"no! you don't get to apologize, that doesn't fix shit." you're practically yelling at him now, and you can hear the tears in his voice. but you don't care. it's about time you gave him a piece of your mind, hurting him the way he'd hurt you. "i thought for one goddamn second that maybe you still loved me. but- but you're just self-fucking-centered. so lost in your head you couldn't even remember to cancel flowers for the girl who's heart you snapped in two."

the silence on the other end tells you everything you need to know. you don't let him even try to continue, snapping at him, "lose my number, carmen."

there's a muffled noise on the other end, but you hang up without the chance to process it. your phone falls to the tile floor with a loud thud that echoes through your empty apartment. you flinch, then let out a noise somewhere between a scream and a sob.

the sound finds its way through your window, falling down to the street below, to the ears of the man repeating your name into his phone. "b-baby," he pleads, his voice breaking. but you've hung up now. he can't believe he forgot those stupid fucking flowers.

at least it showed him how you truly felt. that it would've been stupid to go through with it. stupid to walk up to your door with nothing but a barely planned apology to mend your broken heart.

carmen looks up to see your open window, balcony distinctly missing the potted plant he'd gifted you a year ago. a shaky hand lights a cigarette and he takes a hit but the smoke does nothing to soothe him as he draws his eyes away, turning away from your building for the final time.

[lurkingshan]

Last Twilight Episode 12

A month ago, I never could have predicted that I’d be sitting here trying to assemble some thoughts to explain how on earth this show went so badly off the rails. I am truly taken aback by where this story landed, and I advise anyone who wants to think of it fondly to just pretend it ended at episode 9, and even skip the finale if you haven’t watched yet. Before I get into it, let me just start with a word of praise for the cast, who did a great job with their performances and kept this show afloat when the writing fell apart. And boy, did it fall apart.

In my view, this narrative had three main threads it was addressing: 1) Day’s journey to accepting his disability; 2) unresolved family trauma; and 3) Mhok and Day’s romance. And in the end, it failed on all three of them. I am going to dig into this and I am not feeling particularly nice, so if this is going to hurt your feelings I suggest you stop reading now. 

Day’s Journey

Just…wow. We have been afraid of this turn the entire time and trying to hold out hope that the show would not go there, but here we are. I started laughing out loud when we got to the end of part 3 and Mhon’s phone went off with an alert for a new eye donor, and then just stared incredulously at my screen as we time skipped AGAIN to a Day whose vision had been restored for years (last week I joked to @bengiyo and @waitmyturtles that once a drama starts using time skips it becomes addictive and they never stop, and—welp!). What was this entire show for? Why did we spend twelve episodes with Day grieving his vision loss, learning how to cope, and finally accepting his blindness only to completely undercut it at the end? The first part of the finale was so much about how he was thriving—finding a new career for himself and becoming self-sufficient and growing so much on his own—only to give us an ending that implied he could not actually have his happily ever after without his vision restored. 

And this is in fact the message they sent by coupling the return of his vision with the return of he and Mhok’s relationship, and giving us a happy ending rooted in his contentment at having his sight back. They even went back to the Last Twilight mountain to completely tarnish the thematic resonance of the original scene. Calling back to the beautiful memory of Day “seeing” the sunset and experiencing “a moment so good that you feel like you can live there forever” as he accepted his disability with this scene of him seeing the real sunset with his restored vision was so hurtful to me that I actually got angry. Day didn’t need his vision back to get a happy ending, and I absolutely hate what this communicates about disabled people’s capacity to live happy and fulfilling lives. This show has created many writing sins but this is the most unforgivable to me.

Family Trauma

The show began dropping the ball on this one a few weeks ago, but this finale put the nail in the coffin. We spent most of this episode at Porjai and Night’s wedding, an event that might have felt meaningful if the show had let us see any of their romance. I’m grateful to Mark Pakin and Namtan Tipnaree for their beauty and charisma because it’s the only thing that made me care about those scenes at all. Rather than actually being about them, however, this wedding was used primarily as a clunky vehicle to deliver heavy-handed messages about “second chances” to encourage Day to get back together with Mhok (more on that in the next section). 

I did enjoy the brief nods in this episode to the brothers continuing to have newfound harmony in their relationship, but where the show really lost me was in their attempt to bring Night and Day’s dad back into the mix and imply some sort of resolution between him and Mhon. Mhon, a woman whose perspective on their split we never actually saw, whose motivation for her choices and behavior toward her sons were completely elided by the narrative, who was forgiven and made peace with offscreen during a time skip. I was never given the chance to understand her or what this relationship meant to her in the first place, so why would I care about these scenes with her making her peace with this man? I continue to be so confused about where this show chose to spend its time, and why someone with Aof’s track record on developing strong and narratively important familial relationships dropped the ball so much with her. 

The Romance

Okay, let’s get into it, and remember what I said about not reading if this is going to hurt your feelings! My criteria for considering a romance successful is I have to believe the relationship is mutual, beneficial to both of the pair, and that the couple is prepared to weather future challenges. Last Twilight’s romance fails on all three fronts, and it all comes down to the total imbalance in the relationship that persisted right through the final scenes.

This entire narrative has been Mhok bending to Day’s will, giving Day what he needs, forgiving him for everything, and letting him make all the decisions about the relationship, and the finale was regrettably more of the same. In episode 11, Mhok made a mistake when he lied to Day about turning down the job in Hawaii. But he made that mistake out of grief and fear, and Day didn’t care—he unfeelingly rejected him and his pain and ended their relationship without a second thought. That was potentially forgivable as a momentary lapse borne out of instinctual hurt, and could have been repairable had Day reconsidered soon after and extended Mhok some grace. But in this episode, we find out Day blocked Mhok and refused to communicate with him again after that night, and has left Mhok completely in the cold for three years after he failed to be perfect one (1) time.

And this episode? Was on Day’s side in this conflict. Mhok is the one to return and start pursuing Day again. Mhok is the one to broach the topic of their breakup. Mhok is the one to thank Day for breaking his heart and tell him he did nothing wrong (y’all, I almost threw something at the screen). Mhok’s grief and trauma go completely unaddressed in this finale until they try to play the Rung card for one last moment of sentiment. Day cries to his mother about how he just doesn’t know if he can forgive Mhok. And in the end, Mhok makes the grand gesture, missing his flight to go to Day and stay in Thailand with him despite the successful life he has built in Hawaii.

The cognitive dissonance I felt watching this play out was extreme. I rarely see a writer misunderstand their own characters and relationship conflict so thoroughly. In order to believe in this romance we needed to see Day finally show some empathy for Mhok, take responsibility for his own mistakes, and be the one to make an effort this time. We needed to believe that Day has the capacity to be a supportive partner to Mhok even when he’s struggling. But Day didn’t demonstrate any of that, and so I simply don’t believe in this relationship. I don’t believe Mhok can trust Day not to abandon him again when some other major life event intervenes and Mhok is less than perfect. And that’s a shame, because the show really almost had something here with these two. 

And that’s all I got. What a disappointment this show turned out to be. If you need me, I will just be over here in my little corner imagining the Night and Porjai romcom that we never got and pretending the rest of this show ended several weeks ago.

[mayabruhbruh]

What do you think of the possibility of Will and Chance happening? I feel like it would be really poor writing tbh but I feel like they will give Will a different love interest because they’ll try to make all of the audience „happy“ But that would just truly not align with the writing so far I feel like.

Love your analyses btw<3

THANK YOUU! That's so kind :) And great ask! This is definitely a topic that the ST fandom needs to discuss.

The default question when people have little to no hope in Byler is, well, who the hell is Will going to end up with? Because it’s become increasingly evident that they’re trying to set him up for a romance. The “im not gonna fall in love”, the “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, even the gif shown above. It all can be interpreted to mean that Will is going to find his person soon.

So... to be completely honest, I had no idea who Chance was until this ask popped up and I had to look him up💀. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, so I’m a little rusty on the deep lore lmao. So, in the off chance that others might also be confused, here’s a (rare) gif of him I found.

I think that’s him with the Hawkins cap on the right. Correct me if I’m wrong.

I’m not sure where the rumors that this guy was going to become a bigger part of the show came from, but that seems highly unlikely to me. I feel like they would have either hinted at it in the fourth season (like how they’re giving Patrick here quite a sizeable role so that he’ll be memorable to us later when he gets vecnafied) or they would have announced him as a more prominent character already like how they did for s5 with Holly, that one new kid character, and also how they did Amybeth for s4. Idk, maybe it’s unreasonable to think they would have to do that, but it feels quite too out-of-the-blue. Especially for a character that would take on the role of becoming our central character’s love interest, which is a BIG DEAL. Especially if it’s queer lol.

Secondly, I firmly believe that it would be a disservice to Will’s own desires to meet someone new.

Will said this explicitly in the van scene, and as of now, we’re still under the impression that Mike is his person. Forget about Mike’s issues and feelings for a second, and think about what Will is saying here. He feels like a mistake for being different, but Mike makes him feel like he’s not a mistake at all, that he’s better for being different. Mike gives him courage to fight on. Fuck. Tbh, it makes me wonder how long he’d felt this way. As a byler, you might be inclined to think his feelings have been on for forever, but narratively, he could have easily just realized his own feelings very recently, most likely sometime between season 3 and 4. It doesn’t mean the feelings weren’t there before, but realistically neither Will nor the general audience were aware of it before now.

Moving on.

Has anyone heard of the rule of Chekhov’s gun? It’s an incredibly clever and widely-used tool in screenwriting and storytelling in general that helps to clue the watchers in for what’s to come next.

Think of Lucas’ wrist rocket in season 1. When they introduced it as a flimsy-looking, no-good weapon that he’d put too much pride in at first, it gives us a good laugh and we move on. But really, it very meticulously set us up to subconsciously anticipate to see it again later. That’s what Chekhov’s gun is all about. Set-ups, foreshadowing, hidden treasures.

Another great example would be the painting reveal of s4. Obviously, after finding out that Will was painting something, bylers immediately figured it was for Mike and BEGGED and HOPED and PLEADED that we’d be able to finally see it, but to the general audience it was just another something that they’d have to pick apart and realize was actually of importance as the season progressed. (It’s also a good way of showing that the writers are fully capable of engrossing the entire fan base and general audience in his and Mike’s story. Just knowing Will had painted something and that it was for Mike created this sense of PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS AND WJATS GOING ON and whatnot that watchers are simply so susceptible to it’s insane.)

Okay, back to the van scene. Will’s confession.

Now, I’m not saying that the writers intentionally used this foreshadowing tool for us to find and understand immediately. There are plenty, plenty of instances where writers use Chekhov’s gun principle and it flies over peoples heads purposefully. What I’m trying to say is that, thematically and narratively, they would never have introduced Wills feelings for Mike if not for it to have importance to the story, or for nothing to happen with it at all. It’s a set up. And a maddeningly good one, at that. Because queer stories already do tend to fly over people’s heads, and also because there’s the added drama between Mike and Eleven that makes it seem quite impossible for any of these feelings to be addressed in the midst of such emotional chaos. But whatever. I think I’m rambling.

Basically, whether they end up together or not, whether Mike reciprocates these feelings, Will is forever established to be in love with Mike. The confession was simply too grand and emotional and earnest for him to just switch up abruptly next season when he meets someone new that he might have a better chance with. Even if there were to be a whole new arc for him where he learns to let go of Mike or something crappy like that, it would be terrible writing on their end and poor use of a well-set-up Chekhov’s gun reference. It would be like introducing the gun in the display case in scene one, then two scenes later just tucking it away into a storage closet for the remainder of the story. Like… what?

And plus, it’s HIGHLY unlikely that Will would end up with that sort of storyline next season when he’s literally WITH Mike for presumably a majority of the time (based on the set pics so far).

So that’s my debunking of the Chance rumors :) and I didn’t even get to mention how incompatible they’d be just naturally as characters. Chance, a Jason-following jock that hates Dungeons and Dragons, fantasy and nerdy things, and willingly assisted in beating up the Hellfire Club when they were trying to find Eddie. What about that at all screams Will’s type? And if you’re thinking “unconventional couple enemies to lovers”, just don’t. This isn’t a rom-com, especially for a queer plot line lol. I think it’s safe to say there’s no “chance”😉 that they will ever happen. And either way, it’d be a bummer if they did. Cus it would just be Will defeatedly settling for someone that isn’t Mike.

UGH! It makes me sad that the one thing that is firmly being teased by the writers (Will’s love playing a major role in the plot to come) is constantly being questioned and framed as different questions. “Will Mike reciprocate?” “Does this mean Mike and Eleven break up?” “Who will end up with who?” SHHH Frankly, to me this is already a win. It’s become obvious that Will having feelings for him will come up again soon, and the rest of the evidence that accounts for Mike’s end already speaks for itself, so I prefer to just sit back and watch it all unfold.

Again, thanks so much for the ask!! This was so fun to dissect and feel free to keep sending questions into my inbox. It might take me a second to post my response but I’m determined to get through all of them. Love you guys!! <3

[chimchiri]

Poll Adventure: Rarijack Dinner

Index | [prev] - Part 02 - [next] Special thanks to @babydarkstar for major support with the writing

Previous Poll:

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Minutes pass and Applejack still has no idea what to say. She’s drafted a few starters, but none of them feel right, or even like something a normal person would say to initiate conversation.

[You. Me. Saturday. Dinner?-] Delete, delete, delete…  [Hey Rarity, do you have any pla-] Delete, delete, delete…  [So Big Mac’s plannin to smoke some BBQ this weeken-] Delete, delete, DELETE.

Frustration builds—right in her chest all the way up to her ears. She can’t find the right words, and she’s usually so good at that—in her own way. 

This should be easy! It’s not a profession of undying love. 

Yet progress is a stick in the mud when it comes to her feelings for Rarity.

The legs of the chair squeak across the worn hardwood as AJ gets up and starts pacing around the kitchen, talking to herself. She takes her hat off, ruffs her fingers through her bangs, puts her hat back, runs a hand down her face. A huge, frustrated sigh escapes her when she throws her hands up.

“It’s Rarity. How goddamn hard can it be to ask her for somethin’?!”

That’s it. 

Tired of her own inaction, she slams her thumb on the call button.

Ring…

…ring…

With each ring the reality of her actions washes over her, and by the third ring she is fully aware of what she’s about to do. Her frustration morphs into panic and doubt, soaking her in dread. 

Is she actually doing this? Like…following through instead of letting her ideas fizzle out? 

This is happening, the phone is ringing, it’s sending the signal to Rarity’s device and she’s gonna grab it and answer and—

No, it’s too soon, they’ve only known each other for forever—

Before she can cancel the call, she hears a click—

“Applejack, darling!”

AJ’s gut leaps at the sound of that silky voice, clear elation in its tone and excitement at the chance to answer her call.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

AJ can feel her heart pounding up to her throat. Why is her mouth so dry all of a sudden? 

“Uhhh…howdy.”

Not her brightest greeting, but this isn’t the first time she’s acted without thinking it through. She doesn’t even know where to start.

The weight of reality makes her feel awkward, like a bull in a china shop. Too big for her britches indeed.

Silence rings in her ears.

Why is she freezing up at a time like this?

“Applejack…? Are you still there?” chimes Rarity on the other line, but she might as well be talking to a brick wall. 

It takes a few seconds of blank thought before AJ realizes it’s her turn to speak. 

“Agh! Sorry, I just—I thought I’d give you a call. See how you’re doing…make sure you—and the business o’course—make sure it’s goin’ ok and whatnot.”

She wants to smack herself upside the head. 

The business?

If she could go dig a hole outside and lay in it while the seasons change, she would; but she’s got a family to take care of and a farm to run. Surely this isn’t the worst moment of her life. Surely. But she doesn’t need to see Rarity’s face to feel the effect of her clunky greeting.

This is not like her. This is getting worse by the second, she doesn’t have a clue what to say, and she’s kicking herself for even calling. 

Why can’t she have even an ounce of the romantic charm that her parents had? Why is she so bad at flirting, especially when it comes to Rarity? When she tries to be intentional, it’s like she doesn’t know up from down; she stutters and fumbles like a bumbling buffoon. All this romance stuff seems so easy when she doesn’t care.

After a moment she hears Rarity give a little laugh, a sound like a sparkling stream running through fields of green. It makes AJ’s knees weak, a one-two punch to her joints. Elegance, grace, poise. When Rarity laughs, it’s flower petals dancing in the breeze; it’s birds chirping after a summer rain; it’s the shimmer of quartz shining in a dusty path.

“Oh, I’m spectacular, darling. Just putting the final touches on some designs for next month. I’m confident about my next line, but as always—I have too many ideas. You know me.”

AJ grins at that. “Yeah, I do. Knowin’ you, you’ve got at least a dozen too many.”

The chaotic, unrelenting artist inside Rarity used to annoy the hell outta AJ when they first met. Now she can’t help but find it endearing.

“Quiet, you,” Rarity says coyly, and AJ can hear the smile in her voice before she switches the topic, “How’ve you been, darling? You sound positively stressed.”

There it is again. The feeling of her nerves tying themselves to knots.

“I…uh…I’m doin’ fine. I just-”

“Is everything alright, dear? Anything I can do? I’m glad to offer my assistance—though nothing that could ruin my manicure; I just got a fresh coat. It’s a new formula…supposed to be hard as diamonds. Of course, I don’t believe such ridiculous claims until I try it myself…though I’d hate to push them too hard after I just had them done—Oh, but darling, please. Do tell me if everything is okay with you…?” Despite her rambling, Rarity sounds concerned. Great. And normally AJ would roll her eyes at the manicure excuse, but her nerves are shot, and that’s NOT what this is about.

“No! I mean—yes…I’m alright. Just—you know how it is. Farm and all. Exhausted,” AJ tries to give a lame excuse, though she can hear her voice break in between, and prays Rarity won’t notice. She clears her throat.

With the way it’s pounding between her own ears, AJ’s sure everyone and their mother can hear her heart beating in her chest, running like a wild horse. But that’s just what Rarity does to her.

“Oh, I do know, darling. Work can be a chore, especially for you. Ooh, we should go to the spa—it has been far too long since you spent a day pampering yourself! They have a new treatment that I just know you’ll love...”

“Yeah…yeah, that sounds nice,” AJ says distractedly, chewing on her thumb as Rarity raves about the newest spa services.

She’s blowing it.

She’s. Blowing. It.

Partly because now, she’s thinking about all that beautiful, smooth, creamy skin put on display next to her at the spa, all while she tries not to stare too much or say something stupid. It’s hard for AJ to admit to herself that part of the reason she finally took Rarity’s initial offer of a spa day was because of the promise of seeing her in way less clothing than usual. She got used to it eventually, but—did she really? Is it ever boring to see Rarity, in all her grace and glory, wrapped in nothing more than a towel? She’s all soft curves, and smooth skin, and pretty hair piled up on her head and held together with a big clip. With her hair up like that, it’s easier to see the cute little mole on the curve of her neck, one she probably forgets she even has. If AJ could, she’d lean over and press a kiss right there, feel her tremble under her lips—

“…but Applejack, really—are you alright? You don’t sound a bit like your usual sunny self.”

Fuck. Okay. Moment of truth. C’mon AJ. Stop stalling. Stop fantasizing when you could have it for real.

“Rarity, I’m callin’ ‘cause I—…well, I—“

AJ could ask her for a date, plain and simple. Which would almost surely be a confession. Something about dressing nice and holding doors (which she does anyways). It’s the most unambiguous choice for sure, but…is that what she wants? She’s never been in this situation before, wanting to change the dynamic between her and a close friend to something closer to the heart. She values her dynamic with Rarity, whether it’s romantic or not.

AJ could also just ask if Rarity wants to have dinner, no mention of a date in sight. There’s no obligation there, no real pressure to “get it right.” She knows she’s playing it safe this way, but maybe she should test the waters and make sure she doesn’t completely ruin her friendship with Rarity by confessing right away.

Either way, this means too much for her to blow it off again. She has to decide now.

Tag List: @mrrrpmeow @babydarkstar

[whoistartaglia]

hai haiii this is a req for your event!

al haitham + second chance romance

also, congrats on 1.5k followers! you v much deserve it!

here it is!! i hope you like it. i’ve been facing such like, writer’s block, recently, but i’ve enjoyed writing this.

trope: second chance romance

including: al haitham

as soon as you and al haitham could, you got married. it was a courtroom wedding. rings were exchanged, but it was the signing of the marriage document that really mattered. you were both young and foolish, and thought your love would last forever.

you were soon to learn that “forever” was only about three years and a couple weeks. you don’t even know if you could count those last few weeks, since all you and al haitham did during them was argue.

that was about a year ago. you haven’t seen him since, even though you’re technically still married. you thought the next time you would see al haitham would be in court—sooner or later you would have to get divorced—but no, it wasn’t a courtroom.

“what were you thinking?” you demand, opening the door to al haitham’s house. your old house. you still have the keys.

“i didn’t think—“

“you didn’t think doing something like that would land you in the hospital?” you lead al haitham inside and set him down on the couch. the doctor said it was only a minor concussion, but still called you in to drive him home, uncomfortable with him driving a car.

“it’s fine, really,” al haitham insists. he watches as you march into the kitchen and open his refrigerator. he hears a grunt of disapproval.

“what are you doing?” he asks.

“making you dinner,” you respond curtly. you’ve found at least some ingredients to work with.

“why?”

“are you really going to ask the person who’s feeding you ‘why?’”

al haitham promptly shuts up. he listens as you start cooking: the cutting of onions, your immediate cursing at those onions, a towel grabbed to wipe your eyes.

you… were never the best cook. that was always al haitham. but al haitham appreciates your efforts all the same, especially when you set down a steaming plate of dinner infront of him—and this time, it actually smells pretty good.

“thank you,” he says. then, somewhat bravely, “i’ve missed your cooking, [name].”

you scoff and begin digging into your own plate. “don’t lie to me.”

“i’m not lying,” he insists. “i’ve missed your cooking.”

you don’t quite believe al haitham. towards the end, you both took your own meals. actually, you stopped eating together long before you actually separated.

“i’ve missed you too, actually,” al haitham says. you slowly set your fork and knife down and stare at him.

“you’re lying to me,” you decide. “first about the food, now about… that.”

“but i’m not.”

“but you are.” you get up, take your dish—al haitham’s too, though he isn’t done with it yet—and march back into the kitchen.

“[name], please—“

“i don’t want to hear it,” you tell him. you drop the dishes into the sink with an unceremonious clang.

“but i’m not lying,” al haitham says. he’s entered the kitchen and stands behind you now.

“i don’t know that.”

“you don’t believe me?”

“should i?” you ask. you shake your head then. “it’s not the time for this. i don’t want to argue with you while you’re injured.”

“then don’t argue, listen,” al haitham tells you. “i’m not lying to you, [name]. i know you don’t believe or trust me right now, but it’s true.

“you don’t have to give me an answer now. but please—i think you should give us another chance.”

you cross your arms, conflicted. on one hand, you’ve missed al haitham. although it was an impulsive wedding and more-than-messy breakup, you miss him. on the other hand, you don’t know if you could trust him again—if you even should get back together.

“i’ll think about it,” you tell him finally. he smiles faintly, but then winces. you quickly continue, “but right now, you need to rest.”

al haitham doesn’t protest when you help him to his bedroom. you’re about to leave before al haitham catches your arms and says, “please stay, [name]. it doesn’t have to be in here, but please—stay for tonight.”

you feel like you did all those years ago when you got married—young and foolish. you know you should go. that would be the more mature and much smarter decision. you haven’t even told al haitham if you actually want to get try getting back together or not. you know you should go, but you don’t.

“okay,” you say. “i’ll stay.” al haitham gives you a tired smile, and you feel yourself blush despite yourself.

you might always be young and foolish when it comes to al haitham.

[wyn-n-tonic]

Books by Black Authors for Black History Month!

I wanted to share a list of books I love and books that I'm looking forward to reading that are by Black authors in acknowledgement of Black History Month. I feel like a lot of my fellow readers (especially my fellow white readers) always go into a, kind of, reading slump in February and I don't know if that's because the month of January is just ten years long that February feels like a hangover or if it's because they feel the desire to read books by Black authors but then the majority of what is marketed is usually books that are steeped in trauma or nonfiction books. And, like, yeah, nonfiction books are so important but when they're the only kind of book marketed it can make finding the other kinds of books that much harder but I believe that if you read the fun books and the happy books and the fantasy books it will make you want to seek out the nonfiction resources. I'm blabbering so long story short, I thought I would make a little list to do some of the legwork for my fellow readers to find stories that they can check out.

I used GoodReads links (and one StoryGraph) link, you can choose who to purchase from yourself (although I will suggest BookShop.org as your purchase does go towards indie bookstores, I also really like the Libby App which is just your library and it works with your Kindle/Nook/Kobo/iPad). All authors that I have included in this are American or have strong ties to the USA which is why I did not include authors such as Bolu Babalola, Talia Hibbert, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie but I do highly recommend checking them out if you haven't because they do write gorgeously.

Kennedy Ryan has an extensive backlog and beautiful writing, beautiful prose. She had a book called Before I Let Go (Skyland #1) come out in November 2022, it is a second chance romance between a married couple. It has been on my shelf forever, the cover is beautiful and I've heard nothing but truthfully incredible things. I have listened to snippets of the audiobook but keep putting off getting the actual audiobook because Kennedy is the kind of author I want to read the grammar, syntax, wording of everything from. This book actually got optioned to be adapted into a television show and there's a second Skyland book coming out in March called This Could Be Us that has the ARC readers going wild.

Jasmine Guillory is one of my favorite authors. She is a Bay Area native and has a law degree from Stanford. Not only do I think that she writes beautifully but I cannot even describe to you the way that I kick my little feet and twirl my hair. I feel like my favorite of hers changes. Up until a few weeks ago, I would've told you that Olivia Monroe in Party of Two was my favorite Jasmine girly but I listened to Royal Holiday to kick off my reading for January and Vivian Forest is such a beautiful character. She's a 56 year old Black woman who is a veteran social worker who thinks it's too late for her on several fronts and then she gets swept off her feet while on a vacation with her daughter AND THE ROYAL FAMILY. What?! I also think that Jasmine writes, like.... character appropriate sex scenes if that makes sense. Like, Vivian's scenes are more reserved than Olivia's were, Vivian's more closed door than Olivia's were. She also has a Beauty and the Beast inspired book called By The Book and I kept texting my friend the entire way through and then made her buy a copy so she could text me right back with all her thoughts. Amazing. I love her.

You want cozy fantasy romance with monsters and happy Black women being loved by their hot monster lovers? Kimberly Lemming has GOT YOU COVERED.

Plugging my new author friend P.J. Leigh and her book Olawu. She actually responded to my request for some indie author recs on Threads and sent me a copy of Olawu that will be here on Friday and I'm so excited. She describes it as: "Set in precolonial East Africa with romance, action, sisterhood, found family, and a feisty but flawed female lead." I cannot wait to dig into this one.

Another author who messaged me is indie author Quiana Glide. Her bio is that she is an unabashed fangirl and her books feature pregnancy trope, cosplay, professional wrestlers and cafe owners solving murders. Her books sound fucking great and they are available on Kindle Unlimited for my KU girlies (gender neutral).

Celestine Martin messaged me as well and she writes paranormal romance with Black witches, emo mermen and fae princes. I tripped over myself running to my Libby app to place a hold on the audiobook.

25 to Love! by Joye Johnson is another one available on Kindle Unlimited for my KU girlies (gender neutral). The synopsis is: "TV's hottest dating show is '25 to Love!'. To nab a guy from her past, Lola signs on as the token girl of color. All's fair in love and ratings--can a week on TV get Lola closer to the one that got away?" You know what I love? Second chance romances, besties, that's right.

Splinter by Jasper Hyde was another I was recommended. Jasper writes paranormal, LGBTQ+ books. Jasper Hyde is a pen name for Georgina Kiersten who also goes by Rian Fox. The pen name denotes the subgenre that they write. Georgina does go by they/them pronouns and writes plus sized rep and neurodivergent rep too.

Kelly Cain. That's it. That's the tweet. THE EVERHEART BROTHERS SERIES????? If you know anything about me, you know that I have a hearing issue and so I've used audiobooks before but I never really clicked with them or got the hype. Turns out I had boring ass narrators (look I did the audio version of a lot of nonfiction books I had to read about old dead white guys in college so of course I had that feeling). THE EVERHEART BROTHERS AUDIOBOOKS ARE WHAT CHANGED ME. Deanna Anthony, the narrator, is so engaging and I didn't feel like I was listening to an audiobook, I felt like I was sitting across the table at brunch having a gossip session with my bestie. If you read it and you didn't like it, that's fine, but I didn't lie to you and enjoyment of art is subjective but also you're wrong and argue with a wall.

I've been seeing a lot of talk lately about Pride & Protest by Nikki Payne. This is a Pride & Prejudice and one of the reviews says, "If you ever wanted P&P to feel more like watching a swoony, steamy episode of Insecure, this is the book for you."

Currently, I am reading You Made a Fool of Death With Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi. It deals with themes of grief and romance and also bisexual representation. Absolutely beautiful prose. Akwaeke is Nigerian and has been in the USA since college. They are non-binary and go by they/them pronouns.

I also cannot end this list without mentioning Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow. This follows three generations of a southern Black family in the neighborhood of Douglass in Memphis, TN (I was born a couple miles away in Raleigh) . Now, this book does have quite a few trigger warnings that I won't put here but I do encourage you to READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS before you purchase this book as it does deal with some pretty heavy subject matter.

I'm also going to end this by saying to keep an eye out for anything done by my best friend, the person who I have shared so many amazing, beautiful, life changing experiences with ALL OVER THE WORLD for the last fourteen years: Isana Skeete (Isana does not use pronouns). If you look at the GoodReads account for Isana that I linked, you'll see lists made with recommendations of books with queer POC rep and asexuality representation.

[klbwriting]

Broken Prism

Chapter 6

Fandom: Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Toddxfemale!Reader

Warnings: talk of violence and sex trafficking

Summary: YN goes in search of information on Robin

Notes: how many chapters/words do I need for something to be considered 'slow burn'? They haven't even spoken yet and I'm 12k words into this. I never write real slow burn so I'm sure when I hit that mark, any opinions? Thank you to those who have liked this! Comments/critiques are loved and appreciated!

You needed to get some work done before you went hunting for rich billionaires again. Your roommates had returned from their trip to find you listening to your loud ‘Dead Boyfriend’ playlist as they called it and searching everything from reddit to the dark web for information on several leads around the city. The GCPD was trying to hunt down Black Mask and finally get some information they could use to arrest him and keep him in Blackgate for a long time. You were doing your part by finding accountants, money lenders, hedge fund managers, pretty much anything that might lead to tax evasion because if there is anything you know about America, the IRS will lock you up forever if you forget to declare a penny. As ‘Afraid’ by The Neighborhood blared out your speakers your friend, Jocelyn peeked in the room.

“Are you busy?” she asked though she knew you were. You threw her an annoyed look and paused the music, locking your screen. She rolled her eyes. “Guess you finished actually working. What is it this time? Did you find a rumor about a zombie in Metropolis or something?”

“Fuck off, I’m working on a new lead,” you said. She grunted. Your friends were a little tired of you and your assumption that Robin was somehow alive. They thought you had just gotten lucky, one of the rare ‘double soulmate’ people. It happened to one in every billion people or so and they were sure that was why you were seeing color again, not some crazy idea that Robin had come back from the dead.

“I have someone you could meet, they’d be really good for you, and you know that you don’t have to be with your soulmate,” she said. You growled, the sound low and bitter. “Stop it, give her a chance…”

“I’ve given them all chances…” you started, the same argument coming back. You did this every few weeks with both of your roommates, they had someone who would be perfect for you, you tried for a while, then you found any and all reasons to leave them, listing them out until the other person was angry enough to leave you. You hated leaving people but seemed to relish in making them abandon you, that was a cycle you understood. You walking away wasn’t in the cards.

“You’ve ruined them,” Jocelyn shot back, and you just rolled your eyes. “But fine, keep searching for a ghost, a person who didn’t even want you to begin with.” That was a low blow, and she knew it the moment it was out of her mouth. The color drained from her face; she was sputtering as you packed up your laptop. You needed to get out. You would drop off what you had on Black Mask’s latest addition to his team, an assistant with ties to the Triad, and then go to Wayne manor. You had to admit she had a point. Robin had found her, probably got a better look at her than she at him, and then nothing. Either he was scared that knowing him would get her hurt or he didn’t like what he had seen, and considering her track record of foster homes, pointless romances that went nowhere, and friends that left her behind, she figured it was the second option. She knew she was a lot to deal with, too much anger and sarcasm, not enough sweet and gentle. Maybe Robin would have liked that if he’d given her a chance. She shook the thoughts from her mind as she walked down the street towards Old Gotham and the GCPD.

The deputy was pleased to see you, sending you straight up to Gordon. You glanced back to thank the deputy and noticed him on his phone. You chuckled; someone was going to get in trouble for that. Jim Gordon was notorious for taking phones off of deputies when they weren’t on patrol. You didn’t need your phone in the precinct, there were other phones, and if there was something so secret you couldn’t say it out loud then wait until you were off duty. It was supposed to build trust between the officers or something, you weren’t sure. All you knew was you weren’t surprised when a higher-ranking officer came and snatched the phone from the deputy. You knocked on Jim’s door and he told you to enter.

“YN!” he said with a smile. You smiled back. If anyone in this city could feel like a father to you it was Jim Gordon. He’d taken a chance on you back when you were on the streets pickpocketing. You had been able to steal a cop car right from the precinct’s garage and when confronted about it in interrogation later you had also stolen the handcuff keys right off the arresting patrolman. Instead of throwing you into a hole Jim had been impressed, said you reminded him of someone, and hired you. After the snipe from your roommate, hearing him so happy to see you made the burn feel better.

“Hey Jim, I have some information you might be interested in,” you said, handing over the USB with what you had just gathered. He put it onto his computer, looking over the data, nodding slowly.

“This is great, we can use this. This assistant has an interesting record, might be able to turn them into an informant if we play our cards right,” he said. You smiled, always glad to help him. The rest of the precinct could burn but Jim was a good guy, hell even the Batman knew he was trustworthy. That gave you an idea.

“Jim, can I ask you something?” you said, voice quiet. He looked up at you and you swallowed hard. “I know you work with the Batman sometimes, but did you ever know any of the Robins?” He stood, eyeing you. If you hadn’t been working with him for literally years, he might have kicked you out, told you that your services were no longer needed, but considering you had never asked anything about Batman before he hoped you weren’t just fishing for information. If he only knew how much you already found out about the vigilante.

“Sure, I’ve worked with all of them a few times, why do you ask?” he said, motioning for you to sit in the chair by his desk. You sat and he joined you.

“The second Robin, he saved me once, before I left school, I was taken hostage by to goons of somebody and he was the one who saved me, got me to the ambulance. I was just wondering if you knew what he was like? It’s been on my mind lately,” you said, trying to sound casual. Jim thought back, a stormy look on his face. You wondered what kind of memories this man had of young boys, pretty much children, taking on the lowest scum in the city. Wondered if he ever thought that Batman was unnecessarily cruel by pushing them into that life.

“I remember he was very different from the first, the first Robin was a chatterbox, always there with a joke or charming remark, very good with civilians,” he started. “The second was quieter, didn’t talk to me much, let Batman do it. The few times I met with him alone he would say what he needed to and then leave. But honestly, he was probably more caring than the first. The first one was great, did care about the people of the city, but the second one seemed to care about the lifeblood of the city, how it was going to get better. While Batman and the other Robins seemed to think that anyone could be saved, that the city could be saved with kindness and maybe a naïve love of what it used to be before Joker and Bane and all the rest, the second one would get his hands dirty. I never told Batman, but I found a Batarang in the neck of a sex trafficker who was selling underage girls to the highest bidder. That was the kind of person the second Robin was.” He sounded conflicted, like he didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing to kill that man. You didn’t see how taking a man who touched children off the streets was bad but kept your mouth shut, offering a tight smile.

“Thank you for that, I was just curious,” you said. “I need to get going, have another appointment, but as always Jim it was great to see you.” You stood, grabbing your bag.

“You should come by my place sometime, meet my daughter, she’s your age and I think you two would be good friends. Maybe meet her boyfriend too, you look like you could use more good people in your life,” he said suddenly. This was new. He’d never pushed his daughter or boyfriend before. You vaguely knew of them, had seen the picture on his desk of a pretty red head in a wheelchair and her equally pretty boyfriend in her lap, laughing, but he’d never talked about them. You felt a smile creep to your face. He must have been worried about you after asking about such a weird subject.

“Ya, that actually sounds nice,” you said, thinking about the argument with your roommate. Maybe trying to make new friends wasn’t a bad idea. You could try and if they decided to ghost you it wouldn’t matter. If anything, you were used to being left.

Your next appointment was at Wayne manor where you walked right up to the gate and rang the bell, waving at the camera. You figured this would be easiest, the tour was too expensive to do again, and you didn’t really want to come up with an elaborate plan to break into the place, but you could if they didn’t let you in now. Luckily the gate swung open, and you walked up the long driveway, Alfred waiting for you by the front door. He looked you over, seeming to listen to someone in his ear before letting you in.

“Did you scan me for weapons?” you asked dryly. He simply led you into a parlor and asked if you would like some tea or coffee. “O, tea would be great, thank you.” It had been a while since you’d had good tea and you assumed Bruce Wayne probably imported leaves straight from China. Alfred left and soon Bruce Wayne walked in, sitting down across from you on a high-backed chair. It struck you as funny that he looked like a king in a throne and you laughed, making him narrow his eyes. “Good afternoon your highness,” you said before you could think. You thought you saw an uptick on his mouth, but it disappeared. “O lord smile sometimes Bruce, your face muscles need a workout too.” That actually made him smile, but just a little. “Better.”

“What do you want?” he asked as Alfred set the tea tray in front of you, pouring you a cup. You sipped it plain, enjoying the hints of vanilla.

“I want to ask you about the second Robin,” you said. He sighed, seemingly expecting that answer. “Look, I’ve been searching for you for years just to get to know what he was like. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering about him. Please, just, why did you take him in? Was he your actual son?”

“No, he was adopted, and I took him in because, well, he made me smile. Crime alley, he was around ten at the time, little skinny thing clearly living either on the streets or in one of the crappy apartments in the area. He tried to steal my car,” he said. Your eyes widened.

“Wait, a car like the one I stole, or, the other one?” you asked, not sure if you should say ‘Batmobile’ out loud.

“The other one,” Bruce confirmed. “He was brave, reckless, but brave. I smiled for the first time since my first Robin left to be his own man. So I took in J…” he stopped and looked at you. You shook your head, still not ready for his real name. “So I took in Robin, found out his parents were dead, well assumed dead. Penguin took his father in for some gambling debts, he wasn’t ever found. His mother died of an overdose, leaving Robin alone. I raised him, trained him, made sure he was capable as well as brave and smart.” You felt your heart ache. Bruce Wayne looked haunted talking about this, and you felt the hatred you normally held for him ebb a little. You motioned for him to keep going. He took a deep breath. “Robin was many things; he was angry and aggressive as much as he was kind and passionate. He hated when criminals would hurt children, hated it in a way that I was scared of.” You thought to Jim’s story of the batarang, the memory making you a little proud. “He was reckless and quiet, but funny and could devour an entire library of books in just a few days. Alfred gave him cooking lessons and I gave him driving lessons. He was my son.” You swallowed hard, trying to fight the tears the welled as Bruce spoke of him. He sounded wonderful.

“What happened to him?” you asked. Bruce looked at you, really studying you. “Please…” you hated that it sounded like begging, but you had to know what actually happened. There were so many rumors about the death of the second Robin. You had to know the truth.

“Joker. We were doing work in another country, tracking Joker to a drug smuggling operation. I was an idiot, too high on my own importance. I didn’t stop to question why Joker had gone himself just to pick up pills and weapons. We arrived and Robin, he went to scout the warehouse where the trade off was supposed to take place while I went to a town in the south where the theft was taking place. I didn’t realize that this was the Joker’s plan, get us separated. He didn’t know who would be going to warehouse but it didn’t matter, he wanted blood.” Bruce looked at his hands and you noticed how tired he looked, exhausted of his own legend. Being the Batman must weigh heavy on him. “Robin got there, and the Joker was ready. I’m not sure what happened entirely, there was a bomb and when I found his body.” He couldn’t finish. You heard a sniffle in the doorway and turned to see Alfred openly weeping. This seemed to give you permission and the tears you had been holding in poured down your own cheeks. You wiped them quickly, hating being vulnerable in front of anyone let alone people you had only just met.

“Thank you, for um, telling me all this,” you said. “You know I never got to talk to him, but I think about him, did he ever want to meet me?” You really hoped the answer wasn’t going to break your heart. Bruce looked at you and if he could he looked more guilty.

“That was my fault too,” he said. “I thought he was too young to balance his life as Robin and having a soulmate. He didn’t only want to meet you, he wanted to watch over you. He did watch over you. I used to catch him sneaking out in the early morning so he could make sure you got to school alright, he would come back late for patrol carrying empty wrappers of Big Belly Burger because he couldn’t imagine letting his car get cluttered. He may not have met you but you were always on his mind.” You closed your eyes, but it was impossible to stop the flew of tears. You stood.

“Thank you again Bruce, I’ll show myself out,” you said, leaving before either man could do anything. You left the manor gates and stood for a moment trying to collect yourself. You saw the squad car pulling up and frowned as the deputy from the station climbed out.

“Can I ask what you’re doing here m’am?” he asked. You frowned, something felt very off right now. You stepped back, going for the switchblade in your pocket, but he was faster, the shocks from the taser going through you. You dropped the knife and collapsed onto all fours. You had been tasered before but that didn’t make it fun. The officer used this time to yank you up by your hair with one hand, the other pulling off your backpack and tossing it over the fence into the Wayne compound. He must have figured no one would notice with all that land, at least not until the landscaping was done. He cuffed you and shoved you in the car, making you hit your head on the roof. With cloudy vision from the hit you watched him start driving towards the Narrows. This was bad, very bad.

[sotwk]

Hi! What character do you think most people get wrong? Or what’s a character that you see differently than most other fans?

Hi Elleth! What a great question--and the kind of topic I'm amazed anyone wants to hear my opinion on!

I'm of the belief that there is no wrong way to write fanfiction or headcanons. I support creative freedom in all fandoms, even in one so "classic" and "high literature" as Tolkien's work. We all have a right to our own takes, interpretations, and AUs, as long as it's all done for fun and love of the original content!

Some takes on characters are more popular, some are less popular, and that's all there is.

I'm one of those writers who tend to be more canon-compliant and less "out-of-the-box" creative, whether in Tolkien or any other fandom. I guess my Type-A mind likes having a structure and "rules" to work with! I like to tweak things here and there to please myself, usually by "saving" doomed characters, but for the most part, I tend to run with what Professor Tolkien wrote and fill in the blanks as best as I could.

What do I see differently from most other fans?

I'm probably in the minority regarding Thranduil's "once in an immortal lifetime" love for his wife, his Elvenqueen, the mother of his children.

The "Eldar marry only once" custom, as described in the "Laws and Customs of the Eldar", is one that I personally subscribe to for my Elven characters, but perhaps even the most for Thranduil.

Not only does Thranduil have zero desire to marry again after the death of his wife, but he never takes interest in anyone else romantically, passionately, or sexually, ever again. Most writers enjoy giving him a second chance at love by having him fall for and/or marry someone else, and that's totally valid, but I personally don't envision that for his character.

In my mind, Thranduil in his youth was disinterested in romance, and perfectly content with staying unmarried for his immortal life. But then he met Maereth, who changed almost everything he believed about his own purpose and destiny. He saw her as his life partner, someone meant to exist alongside him and he beside her, forever, whether on Middle-earth or Aman. That's how he explained the deep affinity and immutable love he felt for this lady, anyway. She was simply irreplaceable.

Thranduil is arrogant, self-assured, and supremely confident in his attractiveness, and combining this with this extroverted, mischievous nature means he tends to be a playful flirt. But he views love as the most serious of matters, and the giving of one's heart as nothing to be trifled with.

Another unpopular take of mine is that Thranduil is not lustful or easily sexually attracted to others. He did not even feel that desire for Maereth until he had already known her for a few centuries. While their marriage included a healthy sex life that begot many children by Elven standards, without Maereth, Thranduil's interest in sex disappears entirely (again aligning with what was written in LACE).

Although I wholeheartedly agree that Thranduil is a sexy character, I suppose I just don't view his character as actually being very sexual. (Hopefully that makes sense?) There is more than enough to preoccupy him with his many duties: standing guard against The Enemy, serving his people as a good king, caring for his wife, and raising his children and grandchildren well.

SotWK Fancast: Jennifer Connelly as Elvenqueen Maereth

I could certainly write countless essays about how much Thranduil loved Maereth, but goodness, I really need to actually write STORIES about it! Part of my writer's block is probably intimidation, since I feel I have to justify Thranduil's eternal devotion to this one special person. What a lady she must be! He certainly must have had many good reasons to love her so dearly!

Receiving Asks certainly helps motivate me, so thank you again for this great question and giving me a chance to share my thoughts!

Elves HC Tag List: @a-world-of-whimsy-5 @achromaticerebus @aduialel @asianbutnotjapanese @auttumnsayshi @blueberryrock @conversacomsmaug @elan-ho-detto-elan-15 @entishramblings @fizzyxcustard @freshalmondpandadonut @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @glassgulls @heilith @heranintomyknife23times @ladyweaslette @laneynoir @lathalea @lemonivall @LiliDurin @quickslvxrr @ratsys @scyllas-revenge @stormchaser819 @talkdifferently6 @tamryniel @tamurilofrivendell

For more Thranduil/Mirkwood headcanons: SotWK HC Masterlist

Other useful links:

Introduction to SotWK

Fanfiction Masterlist

Fanfiction Request Guidelines

[bluedalahorse]

I actually don't think I know what your specific YR/Tana French crossover idea is? Besides us generally talking about how they could be in the same universe. So you should talk about that one!

Okay, this one never had any paragraphs of it materialize, but it lives in my brain and I cherish it. It’s mostly more vibes than plot points. So I’ll explain it!

First of all though, people need to stop crossing over Young Royals with Red White and Royal Blue and start crossing it over with the Dublin Murder Squad books. Tana French would write amazing YR fanfiction if she were ever so inclined.

Anyway, back to fic. Essentially when August sells Årnäs, he sells it to people who want to found a boarding school for neurodivergent kids. This would be a place away from the towns they grew up in, that’s specifically geared toward their particular learning and socio-emotional needs and so on.

15-20 years into the future, Sara takes a job at this school, not realizing it’s her ex-boyfriend’s old estate. She’s able to roll with it when she finds out, even though it’s a little strange and all. Sara works as the school counselor, and helps kids out with therapy animals and such.

Then a dead body of an Irish diplomat is found on the estate-turned-school. Like, a dead body from a long time ago, or at least from when our main YR characters were very little kids. The Irish diplomat was kind of a famous disappearance cold case, so suddenly the Swedish and Irish police are on the scene, as are private investigators Felice Ehrencrona and Holly Mackey. Both Felice and Holly are determined to crack the case before the cops do.

For the purposes of this fanfic, please assume Felice and Holly are around the same age, and also that they will end up boning one another after a late night of tacking photos, strings, and maps to a corkboard. Sapphic Felice forever and ever amen.

Meanwhile, Sara’s job is trying to keep the students at her school calm when there’s a literal murder investigation going on at their campus. Talk about disruptions to routine! It’s a difficult time.

And then… well, witnesses would help. August is decidedly not king in this universe because whatever I don’t have time for that, but he was six years old and present when this absolute Gatsby Rager happened at Årnäs, and then the diplomat went missing the next day. So he’s brought in as a witness and is getting questioned about his childhood a lot. Maybe Louise and Carl Johan’s marriage got bad because they had to cover up a murder together. I mean who knows!

Sara and August of course fall into a Second Chance Romance while they both take care of the school animals and try to keep calm. Of course they lean into other ways of releasing tension as well. Sara definitely gets fingered in a school supply closet I SAID WHAT I SAID.

Other thoughts:

Wilhelm and Simon are presumably having a nice vacation somewhere when all this goes down. As are their cats.

Maddie probably texts Felice to say the deceased Irish diplomat contacted her in a dream.

Sweden is a Republic now because I say so.

Anyway those are my Tana French thoughts. I hope you enjoyed them.

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hi I’m honestly in love with your writing and the fact that you write for male readers is just *chefs kiss 🤌* could I please request a Newt x male reader, kinda like your other newt fic except Thomas takes a liking to the reader and it’s Newt that gets jealous, while reader is just oblivious because he hasn’t really talked to the greenie and is too busy doing medjack things.

Please don’t stress to get this finished I’ll wait forever if I have to.

All the love ❤️ - Static

Ooo I'm loving the Newt attention right now, I'm obviously a Minho fan (*cough* the over 25 fics I've written for him *cough*) but Newt is easily one of my favourite characters and I'm honoured to get the opportunity to write him.

JEALOUS BOY

MASTERLIST | NEWT MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Timeline doesn't line up (or exist) but kinda movie based fic. Teresa ceases to exist because I couldn't work out how to make that work- there's enough going on.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, miscommunication trope, kind of oblivious reader, Thomas being a dumbass.

Greenie Day is always fun. It's definitely your favourite day of the month. Apart from having a fresh face to watch the other Gladers tease, you also get to celebrate with the Bonfire night.

And today is no different. You have been blessed with Thomas. He seems slightly unstable and unsure of himself, but he is definitely handling things a lot better than most of he boys do.

He's cute, for sure, but a lot of boys here are. That doesn't really matter though, because you've set your heart on Newt.

You don't really know how it happened, but the second in command caught your attention almost immediately. He's one of the more grounded people in the Glade, and he's probably the most reliably.

And Minho drunkenly told you that Newt's gay. So, you might actually have a chance.

Though, you're one of the three Medjacks, so you're normally busy with work. The Glades really isn't a place for romance, and Newt is one of the few people that is actually busier than you.

And Newt probably doesn't even like you.

Honestly, Newt hadn't even really thought about it- until Thomas beats him to it.

"Who's that?" Thomas asks as him and Newt share a glass of Gally's special brew™, sitting in front of a log, using it as a backrest.

"Who's who?" Newt asks after taking a swig of his drink.

"Him," Thomas points at you from across the Glade as you talk to Jeff and Clint, laughing as you recall some of the dumbest injuries the Gladers have had. "Who's he?"

Newt's smile falters slightly. "(Y/N)." He simply answers. "Why you asking?"

Thomas shrugs. "He's kinda attractive."

For some reason, a sharp feeling crosses through Newt's chests. He shuffles uncomfortably before getting up. "C'mon, I'll show you around."

Thomas scrambles to his feet, struggling to keep up with Newt as he effortlessly traverses through the crowd.

Newt pretty much introduces Thomas to everyone except you. And then he ends up in a fight with Gally.

Which is always a fun watch.

You remain oblivious as you continue on with your job in the day following. Normally, after Bonfire, your clientele consists of boys suffering from hangovers and embarrassment.

"Gally, if you're gonna throw up, go outside, there's only so many egg and garlic cures I can make in such a small space of time, yanno." You mumble, stirring the strong smelling solution.

"I'm not gonna throw up." The Builder grumbles as he hunches over the side of the bed.

"You'd think since you make this klunk you'd be able to handle it. Or were you just nursing your pride after being floored by a Greenie?" He glares at you as you pass him the drink.

"This klunk's gross."

"You do this to yourself."

"Hey," you look up as Thomas awkwardly knocks on the doorframe.

"Hey, Greenie, you need somethin'?" You say nonchalantly. Thomas is just another patient to you.

"Uh, just thought I'd come see what this job is about."

"You fancy being a Medjack?"

"Haven't you heard?" Gally scoffs. "Greenie here has his heart set on being a Runner." You raise your eyebrow at Gally. "Newt told me."

That's weird. It's not like Newt is the type to go around talking about everyone's business- to Gally nonetheless.

You scoff. "Well, good luck with that- you'll have to get Minho's approval. He's one hard nut to crack. Maybe aim lower for now."

"Or give up all together." Gally snickers to himself.

"Gally," you snap, "get out- you're just a whiney baby who overendulged- scram, shank."

Gally grumbles under him breath, but he does get up, even though he does nearly topple over in the process.

"You're uh, (Y/N), right?" Thomas asks once Gally is gone.

"Uh, yeah, who told you that?"

"Oh, I asked Newt. He didn't seem too pleased about it, though."

You brush off the comment, turning back to making more headache cures for the undeniable number of boys that'll be flooding into your tent soon.

"Well, you should be checking out some of the other jobs- people don't normally trail to be a Medjack very often. There's only three of us and it's harder to get in this kluck-hole than it is out in the Maze. You could be a Track-hoe or a Builder, or even a Slicer if you don't mind the blood."

"Yeah, but I want to be a Runner," you scoff, shaking your head to try and hide your smirk. Gally might be right about this one.

Thats a first.

"Oi, Greenie," Newt appears in the doorway, "the shuck are you doin'? Get your ass to the Bloodhouse, you're tryin' out as a Slicer today."

Thomas pushes his lips into a thin line, nodding at you. "See you around." You give him an awkward wave and he leaves.

"The Greenie's shuckin' weird." You laugh, but when Newt doesn't respond, you look over at him. He face looks like thunder. "You good, mate?"

'Mate' is something you only say to Newt, mainly because you secretly adore his accent but also to lightly tease him.

"Yeah," he clears his throat, "yeah, so, you think Tommy's a freak?"

"I wouldn't go that far- but I don't think we've ever had a Greenie with such a shuckin' death wish before." Newt remains silent. "You don't like him?"

"No," he sighs, "I do. The shank's got a spark- we need more of that. I just..." He trails off, making eye contact with you. "Doesn't matter. I'll catch you later."

Newt leaves as fast as his arrived, leaving you very confused and slightly lost. That's until Clint stumbles into the Med Hut with Jeff carrying him, clearly still intoxicated.

You'd been wondering where they'd been.

The next couple of days are... strange, to say to say the least. Thomas came in almost every morning to speak to you, which started causing some exchanging of glances between your colleagues.

You, however, paid no mind to it.

Newt, however, did.

"Who does the Greenie think he is?" Newt grumbles to Minho, who is mouthfuls deep in a portion of of Frypan's stew.

"This about your little crush again?" The Runner says after swallowing.

"What? I don't have a crush."

"Dude, you've been complaining about Thomas all week."

"So? I don't have a crush on the shuckin' Greenie."

"Wha- no," Minho snorts, rubbing his face in his hands at his friends own cock-blocking. "You're jealous."

"What?"

"Of Thomas."

"What?"

"You have a thing for (Y/N), and the Greenie likes him too- so you're jealous."

Newt blinks. "What? No, I don't have a shuckin' crush, okay? He's just distracting him from work, a'ight? And Thomas needs to get his ass to work figuring what job he's gonna do. This isn't about (Y/N) at all."

"You're full of klunk," Minho says after sarcastically nodding, waving his fork around.

"Mate-"

"No, you're full of klunk," Minho sighs. "You've been talking to and about this boy since he got here, and suddenly a new guy shows up, who clearly likes your 'bestfriend'," he puts that in air quotes, "and suddenly you're moping around like a shuckin' baby. You're thick as pig klunk if you ain't figured out what's going on by now."

There's a short period of silence as Newt processes everything. Shit, maybe he is jealous. He'd always liked you a little bit more than the other Gladers, but he kind of thought it was just admiration.

But he was jealous when Thomas pointed you out.

It made his skin crawl and his body burn.

"Shit," he mumbles, his elbows resting on the table and his hands in his hair. "I think I do like him."

"There ya go- shuckin' finally." Minho barks a laugh.

"So, what do I do?"

Minho hesitates, before just shrugging. "You don't see me having many romantic prospects around here, do ya? Box hasn't sent my type up yet," he attempts to joke, which just earns a glare from the second in command. He clears his throat. "Look, if your jealousy is getting to you that bad, just claims what's yours."

"Minho," Newt groans, "don't talk about people like that."

"You know what I mean- just ask him out. Tell him how you feel and get you a boy."

"I don't know if-"

"Suck it up, shank- I don't risk my life everyday to come back here and deal with this klunk." Minho stands up. "Alby has you running this joint for a reason- figure your shit out."

And with that, Minho walks away, probably to talk to someone who isn't causing him a headache with romantic issues.

Newt decides to see what happens, play it by ear and stick to his job. After all, he's a busy dude and- oh my God, is Thomas talking to you again?

Newt spots you sitting with Thomas. You look almost bored, probably thinking about some kind of medical solutions instead of listening to whatever nonsense Thomas is spewing.

But for some reason, this sparks a new wave of jealousy in him. Maybe Minho's right- about needing to talk to you, not claiming you.

You're a person, after all.

Standing up, he storms over to you.

"Hey," he taps your shoulder, pulling you out of your trance, "I need to talk to you." He jolts his head in a general direction away from the small group you're in.

"Oh, sure," you scramble up, following Newt as he walks away. You can practically see the steam coming off his head.

You walk a fair few metres away, ending up at the edge of the Deadheads.

"Newt, is everything okay-?"

"I like you!" He snaps, turning around and starting you.

"I like you, okay? I like you and all your dumb medical facts and the way you help Chuck when he's freaking out. I like you, like I have a crush on you and it's freaking me the shuck out! A-and watching you flirt with the Greenie is driving me nuts!"

"I wasn't flirting with-"

"I just- Minho told me to tell you and that's what I'm going. Make of it what you will but-"

There's something about the normally calm Newt losing his cool over you that is weirdly attractive. Not only is your long-time crush confessing to you, but he's actually possessive over it. Should that be attractive? Probably not, but it still is to you.

Newt is mid-speech when you step forward, grabbing his face with both your hands and pulling him towards you. Your lips connect and Newt completely freezes.

You pull away from the blond as he doesn't react. He looks at you for a second, panic taking over you. You go to speak but no sounds come out as he starts to grin.

Pulling you back in, he kisses you again, this time actually responding properly.

The kiss lasts a couple of seconds before you separate.

"Will you please be my boyfriend, (Y/N)?" He asks you.

You smile. "'Course I shuckin' will."

Another Newt request: done. I'm slowly getting there, and I have a couple of Gally requests to get through, but dw we'll be back to our regularly scheduled Minho content first.

I hope you enjoyed :))

[ujimoo]

For Tonight, For The Weekend, Forever. | KSM

synopsis: going home for your childhood friend's wedding was the easy part, however, facing him was something else entirely.

pairings: seungmin x fem!reader, jisung x OC, chan x OC.

includes: past love, first love, angst, best friend!Jisung, weekend romance, heartbreak, second-chance romance.

WARNING: mention of mature themes, suggestive - implied sex, but no actual smut. mature jokes (one death joke, sex jokes), drinking, mentions of eating and multiple restaurant 'eating scenes', maybe more i’ve missed - let me know if i have

word count: 24,976

a.n. Here it is! My longest fic I have ever written for tumblr. As I said in the teaser, this original idea comes from the song Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, however, as you can tell, it's changed a lot since the original idea. ALSO, I just want to say a massive thank you to Galaxy from @plutominho for being my best friend, the greatest editor, the best person to brainstorm with and for being my number one supporter, I love you so much more than I could possibly describe. Thank you for putting up with me when it came to writing this fic and thank you for putting up with me in general haha.

a.a.n. parts in all italics are flashbacks!!

permanent tag list: @awooghan​ @soobin-chois @curlytxe @treetops68 @minniee-bear 

tag list: @smally97 @blueleventprint @heeverseblog​

It’s the sounds of typing coming from your best friend Gwen’s laptop that keep you awake– barely. Looking down at the book that was led out on the desk in front of you, you sigh. Your brain feels numb and everything you read leaves your mind the moment you look away. 

It doesn’t help that the library you’re currently sitting in was eerily quiet. Sure, it was late and many other students had given up on studying at this point and you couldn’t blame them, but at the same time. It was almost too quiet. 

“Did you get the invite to the wedding?” Gwen’s voice causes you to jump out of your skin. The sound of Gwen’s bubblegum-like voice definitely wakes you up. 

Rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands, you question her. “Get what?” 

“The invite,” Gwen says slowly. “To Mina and Chan’s wedding.” 

Shrugging and pushing the book away from you. You lean back against your seat. 

“I don’t know,” you starts. “Maybe, I haven’t checked my mail in a few days.” 

Glancing over at Gwen, who smiles a small smile, you copy her.

“Well make sure to check, Mina will kill you if you don’t go,” Gwen laughs. 

You nod your head as you begin to shove your now discarded books into your bag. It was late and you had had enough of trying to study now.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’ll check,” you hum. “Also, make sure not to stay here too late. At least get that Dofus you call a boyfriend-...” 

Gwen quickly cuts you off,  “not my boyfriend.”

This was enough to cause you to mentally face-palm. Shaking your head, you put your backpack over your shoulders. 

“Either way, don’t walk home alone in the dark.” 

“Yeah yeah,” Gwen says. “Just make sure to catch up on sleep okay? And actually, eat something good for once!” 

You don’t look back at your best friend, but raise a hand to signal that you had in fact heard her last words and made your way back to your apartment. 

Your apartment was small and outdated. The air was dry, yet somehow, you were sure there was mould growing in the corner of your living room and whilst you knew you should call your landlord, you just couldn’t be bothered. 

Not long now, you thought to yourself. 

It wasn’t long until you could move out and move on from the place for good. It wasn’t long until you could get a better one, maybe one closer to home. Somewhere where the rent wasn’t as hefty. 

Somewhere that actually kept the warmth in. 

Letting your bag drop onto the small couch and you ran a hand through your hair. It wasn’t until a moment later that you remembered about having to check your mailbox. You didn’t want to, maybe you could make up some excuse that you forgot or that you misplaced your mailbox key, but you knew Gwen wouldn't stand for it. 

“Shit,” you mumble, grabbing your keys once more and heading back out the door. 

Thankfully, you only lived on the first floor, so it wasn’t that much of a journey down to the postroom. 

The main entrance and the postroom were completely different to the rest of the building. They were in pristine condition compared to literally everywhere else. As if the main entrance was to lure you in. That’s how it happened to you at least, with promises of how the rest of the building would one day look like the polished main entrance. 

Promises that were never kept.

 Going over to your personal mailbox, you take the key and unlock it. There wasn’t much in there like you normally assumed. The usual; bills, junk mail, more bills. However, wedged between two letters was the card you had been looking for. 

A white card sprayed with gold edges. It was definitely it. 

Delicately turning it around and you smile lightly at the fancy lettering. This was definitely the type of invite one Kim Mina would send.  

‘You are invited to the wedding of Kim Mina and Bang Chan’. 

Closing your mailbox and quickly locking it back up. You make your way back up to your apartment. Carefully placing the invite onto your mantel above your non-working fireplace and stare at it for a moment. 

Then the moment passes and you grab your backpack once more and head straight for your bedroom. There was a lot to think about when it came to the wedding, the most notable being who would be in attendance. That thought was something you didn’t want, so for now, you’d ignore it– until you couldn’t anymore.

→→

The second time Gwen asks about the invite, you’re both walking between classes. Whilst you weren’t the same majors, you were lucky enough to finish classes at the same time. So, that’s what you would do every Wednesday since you both started that year of university:

You’d finish class at the same time, meet at the main entrance to the building, Gwen would walk with you to your next class and then Gwen would wait around for her boyfriend, that isn’t her boyfriend– long story– jisung to meet her after his own class finished at 5 pm. 

“So did you get the invite or not?” Gwen asks. “You never said anything about it last time.” 

Pulling your bag straps closer to the middle of your chest, you hum in response. “Oh yeah, I got it.” 

Gwen makes a face, basically telling you to continue, but you decide to stay silent.

“And?!” Gwen gasps. “You’re going to have to respond soon, Mina will be pissed if you don’t go, you know this.” 

“I know!” you whine. “It’s just, I know I’ll see him.” 

“And?” Gwen repeats. “This is our best friend since childhood’s wedding. Don’t let her dumb brother make you miss out on something like that and anyway,” Gwen gulps. “I’d be more scared of Mina’s wrath of you missing her wedding than of you having to face him for like four days.” 

You sink into yourself at the thought of it, “true.”

Seeing him was one thing, but Mina’s wrath was a whole other thing entirely. The one way to describe that of Kim Mina and that was the devil in human form. Sure, she was the kindest person you and Gwen had ever met. Mina would do anything for anyone she cared about, however, Mina was blunt. She was more than blunt, she was ruthless and said things how she saw them. She couldn’t sugarcoat things just to sugarcoat, but that’s what made her words mean so much more. 

All the Kim siblings were one and the same, like carbon copies of each other. Mina, her twin brother and their younger brother, Seungmin. Aka the man you didn’t want to see.

“If you really don’t want to go, then you don’t have to.” Gwen pats you on the shoulder. “But remember what I said, don’t let him be the reason for missing out on something like this. She’s only ever going to have one wedding.”

Stopping outside of the building of your next class. You nod your head. 

 “You’re right– and don’t say I told you so,” you quickly add when you see the look of mischief on Gwen’s face. “I’ll tell her I’m going tonight when I get home.” 

“Good,” Gwen smiles. “You can drive down with me and Ji.” 

You instantly let out a groan as you lean your head back., “And listen to you flirt fight or whatever the heck it is you do for like six hours?” 

“We do not do that!” Gwen rolls her eyes. “And hey, it’s up to you, I was just thinking it would save you gas money…” 

you give in instantly. Screw gas prices and their ways of rising prices. Can’t they just think of students for once?

“Fine! But I swear to God if you guys flirt the whole way I’m going to scream.” 

Gwen pushes you in the direction of the doors and repeats herself. “We don’t and we won’t!” 

you found it hard to believe her, but you decide that it was easier just to give in.

→→

By the time you got home, it was dark and you felt sticky and damp. With the changing of the weather, you had begun to dress more warmly in the morning only for you to be sweating your ass off by the time midday rolled around. To be fair, you did this every year, but still, you never learnt. 

The feeling of having to go up one flight of stairs was enough to make you feel mad.  Pulling off your hat, your frizzy hair springs up at the lack of force smothering it down. Shoving it into your bag, you put your keys in between your lips for a minute as you struggle to take off your scarf and shove that in there too. 

Taking your keys from your lips and rushing towards your door, and unlock it. Stripping off your coat in record time, you let that and your bag fall to the floor. As you stumble to the bathroom, you take off your trousers and let them trail behind you. Flicking the light on, you head straight for your shower, turn it on and as you wait for it to heat up, you go to your bedroom to get yourself a set of pyjamas for after your much-needed shower. 

The shower was nice, it was everything you needed after the day you had. You were thankful that you were able to wash away your worries about the wedding and how you were able to reminisce on the words Gwen had told you and you were even able to practice what you were going to say when you would inevitably call Mina later that night. 

You turn off the shower and step out, shivering at the cold as you wrap yourself up in your towel. You dry yourself, putting on some underwear and your pyjamas. Not bothering with anything like body cream, you make your way back through the hallway, picking up your discarded trouser, your coat as well as your bag. Hanning up your coat, and resting your bag on the couch, you threw your dirty trouser into the washing basket before going back to dig your phone out of the depths of your bag. 

Scrolling through the notifications on the lock screen, you ignore the notifications that were from useless apps you even forgot you had, like random tweet alerts from Twitter, video notifications from youtube and focused more on your text message alerts. 

There was a string of texts from a group chat you have with Gwen and jisung and you make sure to click on that one first. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:55 pm 

Gwen told me ur riding with us to the wedding… sick! 

Princess Gwen<3: 4:56 pm 

Never say that again, you’re such a dork. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:56 pm

U hurt my feelings, that is so not sick! 

Princess Gwen<3: 4:57 pm

I hate you omg

Giggling away at Gwen and Jisung’s exchanges, you type out your own message before quickly hitting send. 

y/nnie stupid: 6:02 pm

Weren’t you guys together at this point? 

Also, who changed my nickname? 

Princess Gwen<3: 6:03 pm

Yes, and who do you think? 

y/nnie stupid: 6:04 pm

The dofus?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:04 pm

DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! 

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:06 pm

I feel like u guys just like ganging up on me

Just say ur jealous of my great nicknaming skills and go

y/nnie stupid: 6:07 pm

Sure we are, sooo jealous. 

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:08 pm

BULLIES ! all of you !

Rolling your eyes and laughing at jisung’s texts and you back out of the message chain before clicking into a private one between you and Gwen. 

Gwen<3: 6:02 pm

I know you’re worried about this whole wedding thing and having to see ******** again, but it’ll be okay. I’ll fight him for you and you know Mina wouldn’t want anything bad to happen either. 

y/nnie<3: 6:09 pm

Did you really censor his name? 

Gwen<3: 6:10 pm

Of course, I did. He makes you upset so he must not be named in our sacred texts. 

y/nnie<3: 6:10 pm

Lol, i love you

Gwen<3: 6:11 pm

Love you too<3 

But, for real, the wedding will be okay, you won’t even have to leave my side if it makes you feel better. I have my own room at the hotel, we can just share so you won’t have to be alone?

y/nnie<3: 6:13 pm

Okay, would love that. I need to call Mina before it gets too late, but I’ll tell you how it goes at some point later. 

Try not to kill sung when I’m gone.

Gwen<3: 6:15 pm

Yeah, you must! 

And no promises<3 

Closing the app, you soon pull up Mina’s contact and let your thumb hover over the call button. 

It was now or never. You had to, you couldn’t push this off any longer even if you wanted to– which if you could, you probably would. 

Clicking call, you hold it up to your ear as you bite at the skin around your thumbnail on your other hand in anticipation. It felt like the ringing tone was mocking you– if it could even mock you? You weren’t so sure anymore. 

The call clicked through and the bright voice of Mina rang through your speakers and into your ears. 

“y/nnie!” Mina exclaims. “How are you?” 

  Humming, you smile as you respond,. “I’m good, how are you?” 

“Good, I’m good too.” 

you can practically hear Mina smiling through the phone and you’re is inclined to try and match it. 

“So, what are you calling for?” Mina asks. 

you quickly respond, “about the wedding!” 

“Ah, great! Calling to say you’re coming right? Cause I already have you set down as so.” 

you laugh and attempt to nod your head before realising Mina couldn’t see you. You knew Mina would do this, you knew that she knew you would go regardless of how you felt. 

“Yes yes, I’m coming so don’t think otherwise.” 

“Good,” Mina hums. “I was worried for a second there when you hadn’t responded to the invite that you weren’t going to.” 

“No, I’m coming.” 

“You better, I’ll hunt you down otherwise,” Mina adds before letting out a laugh. 

“Yeah, I know you would.” you laugh too. “And good for me, I am going so no need to get the hunting tools out.” 

You can hear movement in the background and Mina soon turns her attention back to your conversation. 

“I gotta go y/nnie, I’m sorry, Chan is going to be back soon and I’m in the middle of preparing dinner.” 

“Okay,” you respond quickly. “I need to do some food too.” 

“Yeah, you do,” Mina states. “And make sure it’s something other than ramen this time around.” 

Rolling your eyes, you hum, however, you couldn’t fight her because she wasn’t wrong. “Yes, mother.” 

Sharing a laugh, you both quickly say your goodbyes and end the call. You were actually starting to get hungry. Mina mentioning food had made you realise it and thankfully you had actually gone shopping for once, a few days beforehand. So, you definitely had something other than ramen that night. 

→→

You weren’t sure how you ended up aimlessly wandering around at some house party. Gwen had dragged both you and Jisung there as a way to 'celebrate' the that it was the beginning of the final year, but she promptly went off somewhere leaving you and Jisung alone. That was until jisung saw something or someone and disappeared without you even knowing. 

Sure parties were fun, and you liked a good party now and then, but as you stood idly, on the front porch, hoping to catch a glimpse of either of your best friends, the party had lost its spark. 

The air was still cold and your knitted jumper did just a good enough job of shielding you from it, but even with your sweater paws, every now and then a shiver would run down your spine. You wondered if it would be a good time to walk home. Sure you knew, that it was dark and it was a dumb and dangerous idea to walk by yourself, especially without informing your two best friends, but even after an hour at least, you still hadn't found them. 

It was boring, you were bored. You just wanted to go home and find something to watch and prayed that you kept yourself warm enough so you didn't catch a cold. 

"You alright?" You jump at the sudden voice next to you and turn around to see Seungmin with a concerned look on his face. 

You knew Seungmin– well knew him a bit, you had had classes together all throughout high school, but something in you changed within the last year that made you look at him differently. You weren't sure what it was exactly, but something about him made your heart flutter. 

"I'm okay," you smile. "I lost my friends, I thinking of heading home." You laugh at your words. 

"On your own?" He asks and you nod in response. "But it's dangerous, what if something happens?" 

"Eh," you push your lips into a thin line. "What's the worst that could happen?" 

"A lot of things?" He responds to your rhetorical question.

Turning your body to face him, you smile. "I'll be fine, plus if you're worried so much you could always walk me back?" 

Seungmin blinks and the sides of his mouth lift into a smile, one that makes your own even wider. You shocked yourself at your own confidence, but what surprised you more was the fact he agreed. 

"Okay," he hums. "I'll walk with you." 

"You sure?" You ask, pointing casually at the front door. "Not worried about leaving the party so soon?" 

He shakes his head and motions for you to lead the way. "Nah, the party doesn't seem to compare now." 

The walk back with him was an experience like no other and Seungmin is almost charming, showering you with compliments. Saying how the walk back with you is more fun than he's had in the past hour and a half he had been back at the party. 

So when you slow down and stop outside of your house, it's sad. You didn't want to part ways with him just yet, this was the most you had spoken to him in one go, and you didn't want it to end so early. 

Turning to him once again, you smile. "Thank you for walking back with me." 

"Thank you for your company," he smiles. 

Looking up at him, your smile doesn't leave your face and his own seemed to mimic yours. 

You couldn't tell how long you had both been standing there, looking at each other, but just like the walk, you didn't want it to end. He steps forward, leaning his face closer ever so slightly and whispers. "Can I say goodnight?" 

Butterflies erupt in your chest as you question, "In what way?." 

“A special way, with your consent of course,” he responds.

He doesn’t wait for you to finish nodding.

Your first kiss with Seungmin is short and sweet and you can taste a hint of cola on his lips. 

It didn’t matter that you had nothing to compare it to, but something in your heart knew that you'd never want to kiss anyone else if it wasn't Seungmin's lips on yours.

→→

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:05 am

We’re on our way now bishh

Gwen is yelling at me already, so pls be ready :D 

y/nnie stupid: 10:06 am

I’m ready and honestly, you probably deserve it

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:06 am

What is it with u guys and bullying me…

y/nnie stupid: 10:07 am

Love u too<3

Princess Gwen<3: 10:09 am

WTF I DIDNT YELL AT YOU YOU LIAR 

y/nnie stupid: 10:09 am

Focus on the road?!?!!!

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:10 am

She was at a stoplight

And she did btw

y/nnie SHE JUST HIT ME

SHE DID IT AGAIN

y/nnie stupid: 10:12 am

Please don’t kill each other before we’ve even left, thanks<3

You finish typing out the text, hit send and roll your eyes as you lock your phone before slipping it into the pocket of your coat. Grabbing the small suitcase you packed basically the night before, you open and hold the door open with your foot as you try to wrangle your way out. Succeeding, you let out a huff and begin to roll the suitcase to the stairs and quickly make your way to ground level and out onto the main road. 

By the time it took you to get outside, Gwen was already parked up with the trunk of her car open. She’s leant over it, clearing the bags back up so there’s a space for your stuff

“Where’s the dofus?” you laugh, your suitcase coming to a stop beside your feet. 

Rolling her eyes, Gwen motions to the space in the trunk for your suitcase. “I sent him down the street for coffee. I need it, especially for this trip.” 

Lifting up your suitcase, you attempt to slot it into the free place and your mind begins to wander. It had been a month since you had originally called Mina to tell her that you would be attending her wedding and for the first week since then, you genuinely felt okay, you felt good– really good. However, the past few days had been different. It was like all of your anxieties were inside of you waiting to escape– just like a shaken-up coke can. 

Your hands go up to close the trunk, however, it slips from your fingers and slams shut. This causes you to jump in surprise. Standing there, staring at the girl with a concerned look, Gwen tilts her head slightly. 

“You good, y/nnie?” she asks.

You quickly nod, your thoughts coming back to you. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Gwen continues to look at you but decides to move on for a moment as she checks to make sure the trunk is properly closed before going around to get into the driver's seat. Looking over the top of the car at you, Gwen finally speaks once more.

“Please sit in the front, I can’t deal with Ji’s yapping in my ear constantly for six hours.” 

bursting into laughter and clapping your hands together, you nod.. “Will do.” 

You both get into the car and you turn to the blonde-headed girl next to you. 

“I’d say, if I didn’t know you I’d say you despised Ji.” 

Gwen lets out a groan, rolling her eyes as she looks at the steering wheel in front of her. 

“I don’t hate him, you know I don’t hate him,” Gwen sighs. “He just frustrates me.” 

“Because you love him and don’t know how to tell him.” 

Gwen’s head snaps in your direction. “I don’t love him! God, why would I love him?! He’s just a goddamn idiot.” 

Staring back at her with a blank expression, you blink. “Could you be any more of a tsundere?” 

Gwen mimics her words and makes a face to herself in disbelief. She stares out of the large window and down the street. Looking out for jisung making his way back to the car. 

“And don’t try and distract me, I know you’re acting weird and that your mind is going crazy on you,” Gwen explains. 

“I’m fine,” you fake a laugh. “Finer than fine.” 

Gwen snorts a laugh, “Bullshit! You’re freaking out because now you really have to go to Mina’s wedding, and see Seungmin and there’s no way for you to back out.” 

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you look away and try to focus on something else. You don’t even try to deny Gwen’s claims, especially since she was right.

“And you’re not even fighting me on it,” Gwen tuts. “Seriously, babe, I’ll beat him up if he tries anything. I have your back.” 

You scoff and look back over to the blonde. “You couldn’t hurt anyone even if you tried.” 

Mimicking her words again, Gwen rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s the thought that counts.” 

“But is it though?” you ask rhetorically. 

“Look, we both know jisung couldn’t hurt a fly, so it’s up to me to be the badass of the group.” 

“That’s automatically Mina’s role,” you add. “And you love to burn him when he isn’t even here to defend himself.” 

“Well,  she’s not here right now is she? and of course I do, I need to get serotonin from somewhere.” 

“You need to stop being so mean to him,” you laugh causing Gwen to shrug. 

“He knows I don’t mean it,” Gwen responds, looking down to fiddle with her fingers in her lap. 

“Who knows you don’t mean it?” jisung’s voice causes both of you to jump out of your skin. Gwen looks around to see jisung is leant up against the car door, peering through the window with a tray of coffees in one hand. 

“Coffee,” Gwen hums, instantly going to grab one. “And no one it doesn’t matter.” 

jisung raises an eyebrow and looks over at you and just shrug your shoulders. Pouting, he looks back over to Gwen. “I thought I was sitting in the front?” 

“You’ve been demoted,” she says sipping away at her coffee. you weren’t sure you had even seen the girl as happy as she was with a coffee in her hand. 

“Fine,” jisung huffs. “I got you a caramel latte, y/nnie.” 

“And you’re the best,” you smile, leaning over to grab the hot drink from him.

Getting into the back seat, jisung leans forward between the two front seats. “So what were you two lovely ladies talking about just then?” Jisung cheekily smiles. “Gossiping about how you’re both deeply in love with me and can’t decide who should get the honour of dating me?” 

Gwen rolls her eyes and fakes a gag. “God, you’re obnoxious, you wish.” 

“You’re not my one-of-a-kind type of guy, sorry Ji,” you laugh, sending him a look.. 

“Well, I’ll have–” Jisung begins to speak, however, Gwen covers his mouth with her hand causing the rest of his sentence to come out in muffles. 

“We weren’t talking about that and don’t press on it okay?” Gwen asks. 

Gasping, Gwen quickly pulls her hand back before hitting Jisung in the shoulder. 

Looking back and forth between the two of you,, Jisung sighs. His eyes settle on you and frowns. “This is about Min isn’t it?” 

“Jisung!” 

“It’s fine!” you laugh. “It’s not like he doesn’t know anything about it.” 

Pushing his head back through the gap in the two front seats, he smiles, patting you on the shoulder. “I can protect you y/nnie, don’t worry.” 

It only takes one shared look between you and Gwen to turn to him, blink and burst into laughter. 

“What?! Why are you guys laughing?! I can protect her!” 

“You-” you hiccup as you try to speak. “You’d cry if he even looked at you the wrong way.” 

Jisung rolls his eyes as you both soon start to calm down, however, when you guys look at him again, both of your laughter start back up. 

“Bullies,” jisung mutters to himself, leaning back into the seat with his arms crossed. “All of you.” 

Gwen wipes her eyes, turning her attention towards the steering wheel. “Okay, okay,” she repeats as she tries to calm down. “We need to get going if we want to be there before nightfall.” 

 “Want me to play the tunes?” Jisung asks, popping his head through the gap once more. You weren’t sure where the boy got his energy from, part of you didn’t want to know. You were just thankful he decided not to drink coffee otherwise he would have been bouncing off the car walls.

“No!” Gwen cries as she starts the car. “You’ll play those stupid meme songs and you’ve been playing them nonstop already.” 

“You just have bad taste,” jisung snaps back, making Gwen gasp. 

“Taylor Swift is not bad taste and you know it,” Gwen laughs. “Mr let's be up at midnight so we can listen to midnights.” 

jisung stays quiet and Gwen scoffs to herself and mumbles something that you're unable to hear. Shaking your head, you turn to watch the world pass you by through the window. 

→→

“Can we stop to go to the bathroom?” Jisung complains from the back seat. 

“Why didn’t you go when we stopped literally half an hour ago?” you laugh as you ask him, looking over your shoulder. 

Jisung groans, sinking into his seat. “Because I didn’t need to go then!” 

“You’re a child!” Gwen cries.

“I’m older than you!” Jisung cries back. 

“By two days!” 

“Can we please stop, I need to go really bad!” Jisung begins to whine, stopping a foot. “Like I can’t even hold it, I could–” 

“Don’t you dare,” Gwen hisses, glaring at him through the review mirror. “The next stop is in ten minutes, so you better hold it otherwise if you piss in my car I’m leaving you there to rot.” 

“Okay, okay!” jisung responds. 

Watching from the sidelines, you giggle as you look back at a fidgeting jisung and then over at Gwen, you swore you could see the steam trying to escape her ears. 

It was a bit longer than ten minutes before Gwen pulls the car over and stops in one of the service stations and as soon as the car is stopped and off, Jisung unbuckles his belt and is off and out of the car in a flash. 

“At least we can get snacks?” you try and reassure her. 

Nodding along, Gwen takes her keys and opens her door and before she gets out, she turns to you. “And we’re not sharing them with him.” 

Laughing, you follow along behind her, making your way into the little shopping centre. 

Going into one of the general stores, Gwen wanders away as, you pick up a basket and begin to throw in a bunch of random snacks in there for both you and Gwen– and Jisung. Eventually finding you again, Gwen’s arms are now full of bottles of cold coffee and a few bottles of pop. 

“Don’t you want some water?” you ask as Gwen dumps all of the bottles into the basket. 

“I’ll have water when I’m dead,” she responds. 

Your eyebrows furrow together and you blink in confusion. “That’s not even the saying.” 

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Too bad.” 

Continuing to slowly make your way around the store and to waste time whilst you were waiting for Jisung to use the bathroom, you look over things you knew you wouldn’t buy. 

With Gwen following behind you this time, she clears her throat. “How are you feeling?” 

“Is this your way of seeing if I’m going to have an emotional breakdown anytime soon?” 

With a blank face, Gwen stares at you when you look away from the shelf and at her. 

“No, it’s just we’re like three hours away and just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling too bad.” 

You shrug. You were trying not to think about it, because if you thought about it then the shaken can of your emotions would explode. You didn’t want that, Gwen and Jisung didn’t want that and Mina, Chan and everyone else didn’t want that either. 

“I’m fine,” you say with a sigh. 

“You haven’t seen him since he left,” Gwen states and you nod along. 

“I know Gwen,” you say laughing. “I was there.” 

“It’s just, I haven’t said it yet, but it’s okay to be nervous.”

You nod and hum for the nth time. “Thanks, Gwen, I mean it.” 

 Gwen doesn’t say much but picks up another item before putting it into the basket and you have to shift the weight by holding onto it with your arm. Gwen sees your struggle and takes the basket from you and you both walk over to the self-service. Scanning your items and paying for them. You split the bags between the both of you and start to make your way back to Gwen’s car. 

Exiting the large front doors of the service station, you stop when you see Jisung, sitting on the hood of Gwen’s car with a gigantic cup of a drink from the fast food place. 

“That brat,” Gwen hisses. “I swear to God if he complains he needs to piss again in twenty minutes, I’m kicking him out of the car.” 

You can’t help but laugh and you laugh even more when Jisung finally notices you both at the door and starts waving frantically at you both. 

“I can’t believe I like that fool,” Gwen tries to mumble to herself, but you catch it with a gasp. 

“I heard that!” You smile wide. “You finally said it! You like him!” 

Her eyes narrow as she snaps her head in your direction. “You. Heard. Nothing.” 

“Oh no,” You giggle, walking backwards in the direction of the car as you continue to look at her. “I definitely heard it.” 

“I swear to God y/n, I’ll leave you here too.” 

“Maybe that’s what I want, ever thought of that?” 

“You asshole,” Gwen hisses, following after you. 

“I won’t say anything,” you smile cheekily. “Yet.” You add before turning around and running over to the car. 

“What’s up, ladies?” Jisung asks, taking a long sip of his drink when you stop in front of the car. 

Gwen doesn’t look at either of you before opening her car door and throwing the bags inside. Looking up at Jisung once, her eyes narrow at him. 

“If you complain you need to piss again in half an hour, you’re dead.” 

“Got it.” He salutes.

Getting off of the hood of the car, he tries his best to look inside the carrier bags. “Got any snacks for me too?” 

“No/Yes,” Both you and Gwen say at the same time. 

“I thought we said we wouldn’t share!” Gwen gasps. 

“I felt bad!” You whine. 

“Thank you y/nnie,” Jisung says, patting you on the back. “At least one of you cares about me to get me snacks.” 

“Shut up Dofus,” Gwen rolls her eyes as she gets into the car and closes the door behind her. 

“She does care,” you hum at Jisung, making him laugh.

“I know,” he smiles. “It’s just fun pissing her off.” 

Rolling your eyes, you open the passenger side door. “You two are unbelievable.” 

→→

Resting your head in your palm, your eyes linger on the boy who was sitting at another table across from you in the dining hall. Your heart swirls when he makes eye contact and smiles before looking away.  

“Why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Jisung asks, moving to the seat in front of you, blocking the boy from view. 

Your eyebrows furrow, and tilting your head, you send a look of confusion in Jisung’s direction. “Who?” 

His face is blank like he just mentally face-palmed ten times over. He knew that you knew who he was on about, but he still gave in to your little charade. Resting his arms on the table, he leans forward and attempts to whisper, “Seungmin.” 

“Do you have to say it so loud?!” You hiss, pushing him away from you. 

He shrugs, picking up some of the leftover food that was on your tray. “Eh, I tried.” 

“You’re a pain in the ass,” you respond. 

“Who’s a pain in the ass?” Gwen asks, falling into the seat next to you with her tray of food. 

“Jisung–” 

“Say no more,” Gwen simply responds. 

When Jisung leans over to bug Gwen, you look back over to Seungmin and you smile at the way he looks over at you and slyly motions with his hand for you to leave the dining room. 

Looking back over to Jisung and Gwen, you clear your throat. “I forgot I had to do something before our next class, so I’ll just meet you there.” You said, getting up from out of your seat. 

Both of your best friends raise their eyebrows at you in suspicion. 

“Going where?” Gwen asks. 

“Just to the library, I’ll meet you at class,” and before they get another word out, you through your backpack over your shoulder and quickly make your way out of the dining hall and down the hallway. 

It wasn’t until you were a good distance away, that a hand-pulled you into an empty storage closet. 

Giggling, you lean up against the door and up at the culprit. 

“Hey,” 

“Hi, Min,” you smile, as his fingers entwine with your own. 

Seungmin stands above you, a smile playing on his lips. He squeezes your hand and takes the smallest step closer to you, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too,” you hum.  “My friends are starting to get suspicious about me randomly disappearing, I can't tell if they're picking up on what we're doing.”

Chuckling, he raises an eyebrow at your statement and leans in to place a kiss on your cheek. “Really?”

You nod, leaning into his touch.

Seungmin holds the kiss for a second before pulling back. “That’s…” he pursed his lips together. “That’s… wow.”

“Yeah.” You hesitated before you continued.

it had been six months, five hours and forty-three minutes since the first time Seungmin had kissed you. Not that you would ever let him know that you knew it down to the minute, but ever since, Seungmin would pull you into random storage closets or empty classrooms whenever he wanted attention. If you were all around your friends, he'd try his best to find signals to get you to sneak away with him without anyone knowing.

Sure, it was fun, but at the same time, it was hard trying to hide it from everyone you cared about most. Especially when those said friends knew of your feelings for the boy. You just couldn't get a grasp on how he felt in return. It confused you and made you wonder about how he truly felt about you.

"What would I say if they figured it out?" You asked. "How would I explain it? Us? Are we even…?"

You didn't finish your sentence and even in the dark closet, you catch Seungmin’s eyes widen in panic. He made eye contact with you for a second, but let his eyes fall to the floor just as quickly. “Um…”

Your heart drops to your stomach.

Seungmin notices a dejected glint in your eye as you push your lips together and sigh. “Listen, Y/N…”

You didn’t need to hear more; that was enough of an answer. But you were too frozen to do anything else.

"We're having fun," Seungmin tries to explain, however, it was going in one ear and out the other. "Why need to explain what's going on?" 

Blinking, you nod. You couldn't say anything, it was like your mind had gone into emergency shutdown mode and you couldn't bring yourself to say a word– you couldn't. And it was like you could feel little cracks in your heart forming and everything Seungmin continued to say was like an ice pick chipping away at the already-formed lines. 

"Why do they need to know our business?" This was the final blow to the ice pick he has to your heart. "Y/N..." 

"It's fine." Clearing your throat, you nod and finally gain the courage to look him in the eye. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't begin to describe, "I get it Seungmin." 

Your eyes feel glassy and you blink so quickly to try and stop them from spilling over onto your cheeks. Your hand goes limp in his. He doesn't say anything, just watches you-- examines you and you finally look away. 

"I need to get to class," 

You step away from him. His hand tightens around yours, but you pull it away.

"Y/N." 

"I get it Seungmin, I need to go." 

You quickly leave the storage closet and thankfully the hallway is empty. Hiccupping, the tears finally fall from your eyes and you wipe them away just as quickly. 

The door opens again and his footsteps fill your ears. They stop for a moment and part of you wishes that he'd come over, apologise and tell you that he'd shout about you and each other from the rooftops. However, that doesn't happen and the footsteps start up again but then get quieter and quieter before they disappear completely and the sobs you've been desperately holding in escape your lips.

→→

The sun was starting to dip below the horizon and the sky was a mix of pinks and purples. At some point during the final hours of the journey, Jisung had fallen asleep in the back seat and Gwen had turned down whatever music she had on to not disturb him. You on the other hand still had your head lead up against the window, watching the world go by. 

Originally, Gwen had curated a perfect road trip playlist that captured in her words, ‘the vibes needed for one such road trip’. However, after about four and a half hours into the drive, Gwen throws her phone at you for you to change the music into something more lively. 

Gwen turns the music down more, so it’s almost inaudible. 

“Did Mina tell you?” She questions.

Looking over at the blonde, you respond. “Tell me what?”

“She-” Gwen clears her throat. “She wants to hold a reunion dinner tomorrow night for the seven of us.” 

You blink in shock a couple of times before sinking into your seat. “Nope. She did not.”

You gaze out the window again, attempting to distract yourself with the way the scenery changed from open fields to more dense town life.

Gwen glances at you and sighs. “Y/N…”

“Don’t.” You sigh. God, this is going to suck. 

“It’ll be okay.”

“Will it?” Your mind is swarming with all the possible ways the dinner could go wrong. All of them involved your sort-of-an-ex.

“Plus, you have a whole day to prepare!”

She said it so optimistically. Your brain had already gotten accustomed to the fact that you would see him in three days. Now that time has been shortened to about 24 hours. Not even three years of forgetting he exists could prepare you for that.

You wish you could’ve just wiped him out from your memory. Maybe if you never remembered what happened, things would be different. Maybe it would be like a fresh start.

The hotel was a fairly fancy one, with large pillars around the entrance. You almost expected it to have a doorman to open and close doors as guests come and go. 

The winter air quickly nips at your nose as soon as you get out of the car and all three of you rush to the trunk to get your things out so you can head inside. 

In the next second, you’re all inside the festive-looking reception. There’s a large green tree decorated in the corner with fake gifts positioned under it.

The reception desk itself is also decorated to the nines, with lights hung up underneath the counter side and fake snow lining the floor. It also has its own little tree with a bowl of candies next to it for guests to take as they pleased.  

As you enter you can hear faint jazz coming through the glass doors leading into what you assumed was a bar. The whole atmosphere was so relaxed that it put you at ease. So relaxed in fact, it let all thoughts slip from your mind as Gwen checks the both of you in. 

The whole time, Jisung is clinging onto Gwen like a tired baby. Gwen tried to brush him off at first but quickly gave up once she saw he wasn’t going to move. Even after she’s done with your room and Jisung has to check into his own, he’s not moved a budge. 

It's only when you guys have to take your stuff and walk to the elevators does he let her escape his grasp. 

Waiting for the elevator feels antagonistically long considering you’re tired and have been stuck in the car for six-plus hours. Never had you been so excited to get into a room, fall onto the bed and let sleep guide you into dreamland. You couldn’t think about anything else about how good being in bed and sleeping the night away would feel. 

Life seemed to have other plans for you though as the doors to the elevator opened and your body went into full alert. 

Life hated you, it was official. This is why you weren’t allowed nice things. 

The doors opened to show an equally as tired Seungmin with his older brother Minho. 

There goes having even a day to prepare, you thought to yourself. 

When his eyes seem to land and focus on you, it takes a second for him to react. However, Minho is faster at reacting than he is. 

“What’s up guys!” the older boy smiles. “Long time no see!” 

“You’re telling me,” Jisung laughs, pulling Minho into a hug. “I’ve missed your face.” 

Pulling away slightly, Minho smirks at Jisung, “and I’ve missed yours.” 

“You always know how to make someone blush!” Jisung chuckles, taken to the older boy's smooth words. 

Whilst this is all going on, Seungmin’s eyes are trained on you and you begin to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. You can’t tell which is worse, him speaking to you or him not saying anything at all. Part of you didn’t even want to stay to hear what he had to say– if he had anything to. 

You’d think after three years, maybe even a hi would be acceptable. 

You were being a hypocrite though, you knew you were. Wanting him to say hi to you when you didn’t even want him to face you in the first place. It didn’t make sense.

“Or maybe you just like the attention,” Gwen mutters, before grabbing onto your hand and pulling you into the elevator. “Sorry Minho, we need to go up to our room now, long trip, you know what it’s like.” 

Minho hums and smiles, “Sure go ahead! We’ll see you guys tomorrow at the dinner right?” 

You nod silently as Gwen hums in confirmation. 

“We’ll see you there,” she smiles quickly. 

Looking at Minho you smile too. “See you there.” 

“Hey! Wait for–” Jisung begins, but it gets cut off by the closing of the doors. 

When the elevator starts moving, Gwen groans. 

“Stupid Jisung, stupid Minho, stupid Seungmin.” she continues to repeat out loud. 

Looking at her with a confused look, you blink. “You okay?” 

She jumps, turning to you like she had forgotten you were even there for a moment. 

“Huh?” she asks. 

Repeating your question, she nods. 

“I’m fine, just, I didn’t expect us to run into them tonight I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise they would be staying here.” 

Shrugging your shoulders, you let your eyes gaze back over to the elevator doors. “It’s fine, not like you would have known, plus maybe it was better this way– seeing him this way I mean.” 

“What do you mean?” Gwen questions.

“Now I can’t stress over the first time seeing him can I? Cause it’s already happened.” 

“I guess,” Gwen responds, giving herself a moment to think about it. 

“Plus I’m too tired right now, I don’t want to think anymore.” you let out a yawn and cover your mouth. Leaning into Gwen’s side, like Jisung had done not fifteen minutes earlier, you speak. “Let’s just go to our room and forget boys exist and just sleep the night away.” 

Gwen laughs and you can feel her nodding her head. “That I would drink to.” 

Soon enough, you were both in your room. With two large double beds, it was all that you needed for the extended weekend away. Claiming your bed,-the one closest to the window– you let your bags fall at the end of it before dramatically flinging yourself onto it. 

Here’s to sleep, you thought. And forgetting boys exist. 

→→

You immediately hated your dress the minute you put it on. The baby pink fabric hugged your body in the worst ways possible, and the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, the more exposed you felt. You tug at the end of it to try and pull it down more, failing to find some relief. It felt suffocating and you weren’t even sure why you packed it in the first place. 

“Can you stop worrying for one second,” Gwen says as she leans forward to apply her lipstick in the mirror. “You look hot. Let Seungmin know what he’s missing.” 

“Gwen!” you gasp. 

Snorting a laugh, she puts the lid back on her lipstick and turns to you. “What? It’s been– three years? I don’t think it’s bad to make him regret everything he did to you in senior year.” 

“It would be better if I didn’t see him at all,” you mumble whilst fidgeting with your dress again. 

“Babe, remember what I said?” Gwen asks, causing you to take a deep breath before releasing it. 

“Don’t let him get in the way this time. It’s about the wedding, Mina and Chan, not him.” 

Gwen happily hums and takes a few steps over towards you before she lightly places a hand on one cheek and kisses the other. “You got it!” 

Blinking at her, your mouth drops and you shake your head. “Ever since you confessed to liking Jisung, you’ve been weird.” 

Her sweet smile drops and slaps you on your arm. 

“I didn’t confess! I told you, you heard nothing!” 

You giggle and wipe away whatever lipstick remains on your cheek in the mirror as Gwen slips on her shoes. 

Soon after, there was a continuous knock at the door and Jisung’s loud voice echoed through it. “Come on, let’s go ladies!” 

Raising an eyebrow at Gwen, she shoots you a glare. 

“You heard nothing,” she whispers. “I don’t like that idiot.” 

“Denial,” you whisper-sing back. 

“Hurry up! They’re waiting for us!” Jisung’s voice continues to carry through the door. “Hello? Are–” 

Opening the door, Gwen speaks. “Shut up idiot, try not to disturb the whole hotel, yeah?” 

Jisung takes a moment to look Gwen up and down and clears his throat before straightening his back up. “You look good.” 

“Thanks,” Gwen nods. “You too.” 

Jisung pulls at the collar of his white dress shirt and it’s easy to notice his cheeks tint pink. “Thank you.” 

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your back and put it over your shoulder. Pushing on Gwen slightly to get her out of the door, you close it behind you. “Come on, let's go, lovebirds.” 

“Y/N!” 

When you got to the restaurant that Mina and Chan had planned for the reunion dinner, everyone apart from you, Gwen and Jisung had already arrived and sat down. You counted your lucky stars that Seungmin was already sitting in between his older brother, Minho, and Chan. 

As soon as Mina lays her eyes on the three of you, she shoots up from out of her seat and over to you. 

“Look at you guys!” She laughs, pulling each of you into your own hug. “I’ve missed you so much!” 

“We’ve missed you too!” You and Gwen say in unison. 

“What they said,” Jisung laughs and ducks away when Mina tries to hit him playfully. “I’ve missed you too Mina.” 

Going behind the three of you, she lightly pushes you in the direction of the table. “Come, come sit.” 

Mina takes her seat once again beside Chan and you take the one next to her, leaving Gwen and Jisung to sit next to each other and Minho. 

Pleasantries were passed around and you kept your eyes far away from Seungmin as possible. However, that was difficult when you could feel his eyes boring into you. It was only when Jisung engaged in a conversation with him that the sensation went away and you finally gave yourself the chance to look at him properly. 

You could see how much he had changed in the past three years since you last saw him. The baby fat has now gone from his cheeks and his hair was a lighter shade of brown than anything he had in high school. But his eyes still glinted when he smiled and you looked away as soon as he moved his head towards you. 

You couldn’t explain the way how in three years everything about him stayed the same, but changed completely at the same time. 

Tucking some hair behind your ear, you try to get your attention back on what Mina was talking about. 

“You good?” Mina asks, making you nod frantically. 

“I’m good, gooder than good.” you smile. 

Mina looks at you blankly. 

“You’re a terrible liar,” she smiles. “but, I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Me too,” you return her smile. 

“And,” Mina leans in slightly and rests her chin on one hand. “We’re going to the hotel bar after this so you won’t have to think for a while.” 

Rolling your eyes, you continue to laugh. “Mina!” 

“What?” She asks through her own laugh. “And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding, there are plenty of attractive people attending.” She finishes her sentence with a wink. 

Suddenly, Chan leans in next to Mina as well with his own cheeky smile and a raised eyebrow. “Who’s this about attractive people attending the wedding?” 

Mina rolls her eyes and pats his cheek after she’s turned to look at him. 

“For Y/N silly,” 

“Ahh, of course!” Chan laughs. “I can even introduce you to some of my friends.” 

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you raise a hand and shake your head. “No no no, it’s okay, you don’t need to!” 

“Well, I can still introduce you!” Chan smiles. “More friends are more friends.” 

Mina jokingly shrugs. “And that’s the only thing we don’t agree on, having a bunch of friends.” 

“And I love you for being your people-hating self.” Chan muses. 

“People are just ugh,” Mina begins to rant. “I like being able to count the people I love on two hands, thank you very much.” 

Whilst Mina is continuing her speech on her hate of people, Chan is just sitting there, his eyes in the shape of hearts as he watches her. It made your heart swell with love and admiration. Mina and Chan were everything good in a relationship, they were so hopelessly in love that it honestly made you kind of jealous. 

It was a love you wanted– you wished for.  

Your eyes went around the table again and once again your gaze lingers on Seungmin. Even after three years, you can’t help but look his way.

 There was the smoothest Jazz playing in the hotel bar. The boys, albeit mostly Jisung and Minho, were ordering drink after drink, shot after shot for everyone to enjoy. You were starting to feel the effects of the shots and you let out a happy sigh as you looked around at everyone. 

Your eyes linger on Seungmin’s back as he leans up against the bar and talks to the rest of the boys. Gwen and Mina’s laughter fills your ears from next to you. 

“I’m going to step outside for a bit,” you quickly say to the girls and they nod in response just as quickly whilst muttering a ‘be safe’. 

Getting up from your seat, you sway and stumble your way into the hotel lobby and out into the main entrance. 

The cold hits you instantly and a shiver moves up your spine. You wished you brought a jacket out with you, however, there was also something comforting about it. Resting the back of your head against the cold brick, you take a deep breath and exhale it slowly. 

It was like a moment of peace in the middle of a stressful day. 

“Y/N…” 

And then that moment was gone. 

Opening your eyes, you kept your eyes straight ahead. 

“Seungmin.” 

“You look good,” he starts and he takes a step into your line of sight. “And, I’ve missed you.” 

“Well I wonder who’s to blame for that,” you finally look him in the eye. 

He takes a step forward and frowns, “Y/N, please.” 

“What do you want, Seungmin?”

“To see you.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

He steps forward again, “I wish we could go back, back to then.” 

He brings up a hand and gently moves some of your hair from out of your face as he gazes into your eyes. 

Without fail, he once again had a grip on your heart. You could curse him mentally over and over again, but still, nothing would change.

“You were the one that left,” you whisper. 

“And it was so dumb of me,” he responds and repeats. "I've missed you so much." 

His hand stays resting on your cheek and you’re not long how long you’re both standing there. Staring at each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. 

His eyes flicker to your lips and back up to your eyes. “Why can’t we just go back? For tonight?” 

“We shouldn’t,” you whisper. 

“Why not?” 

Frowning, you look down at his lips as well and back up. “Because it’s not that easy, you left Seungmin. Remember? You didn’t want to date officially.” 

“And I was a fool and I regretted it every day after I left.” 

“Even if you did, you could have come back.” 

“You know that wouldn’t have been that easy either.” 

“You didn’t try,” you said, tilting your head up. His thumb gently glides along your cheek. 

“I’m here now,” his nose brushes against yours. 

All your senses were yelling– screaming at you to stop, back away. Your heart was pounding, but your mind was completely numb. Every single movement, every touch he made sent you into overdrive. 

You couldn’t tell what you’d regret more, giving in or not giving in at all. 

“For tonight?” You ask. 

He nods slowly, leaning in. “For the weekend?” 

“Don’t push your luck,” you add, closing your eyes. 

Chuckling, you feel his breath against your lips. 

“For tonight.” he reaffirms before connecting your lips together. 

The hand he has on your cheek slowly moves down to your neck as the other rests on your hip to try and bring you even closer together. Your own hands go up and you wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair.

You tried to catch your breath when your lips separate and when you open your eyes, he’s already looking at you. It’s not even a second later that you’re using your arms to bring him closer to once again reconnect your lips. 

Using his thumb to angle your chin, he deepens the kiss. The longer it went on, the more and more your soul was set alight. Every sensation was heightened.

You gasp when his lips leave yours and move frantically to your chin and then down your neck. 

“I’m sharing a room with Gwen,” you question in gasps as he settles on one part on the bottom of your neck. “We can’t go there.”

Without saying a word, he uses one hand to fish out his hotel room key and holds it up between two fingers for you to see. 

“Are you the only one in there?” you continue to question. He reluctantly draws his attention away from your neck and goes back up to your chin before kissing your lips once more.

“Yes,” kiss. “I,” kiss. “Am,” another kiss.

“So,” he kisses you again before you can continue and you have to push him away so you can even think. “Just for tonight.” 

Smiling, he takes your hand before pulling you quickly to make your way to his room. Your giggles fill his ears and your mind repeats: Just for tonight.

→→

You groan quietly, rubbing your eyes with your palms as you sit up slightly, resting your weight on your elbows. Your head hurt and your throat was unbelievably dry– you reminded yourself to never drink again, but you knew you would. 

Blinking, your sight soon began clear as you and the memories of the night returned like looking into a kaleidoscope. Sitting up quickly, you curse to yourself when Seungmin groans from next to you and rolls over, thankfully, however, he stays asleep. 

Quietly getting up, you slip on your underwear, fail to find your bra and attempt to put your dress from the night before back on. Once you’ve picked up your shoes and your bag, you turn back to see Seungmin. He’s lying on his front and spread out across his bed. 

He looks so peaceful and part of you wants to take back everything you said and jump right back into the bed and into his arms. To stay in this little bubble, where nothing ever went wrong and to pretend like you were still teenagers foolish and in love. 

It’s foolish and risky, but you take a few steps over towards his bed, lean over and lightly place a kiss on his forehead, your lips linger for a moment before you pull away and whisper. “Thank you for the night.” 

As soon as you’re out of his room, it’s like you can breathe again. 

You take your time walking back to your own room. Instead of taking the lift, you take the stairs just to give yourself more time to think. Your feet carry you up the cold metal stairs to the soft carpet of the hallways. Soon enough, you came to your own room and you find your key in the depth of your bag and unlock the door before swinging it open, taking a step inside and letting it close behind you. 

“About time you showed up,” Gwen’s voice makes you jump out of your skin. 

You let your shoes and your bag slip from your fingers and you say nothing as you walk over to your bed and fall face-first into it. 

The whole time, Gwen is watching you with a frown. “What happened?” 

It was a minute later that you pushed yourself to roll over and look up at the ceiling. “I slept with Seungmin.” 

“I assumed that considering you and him randomly disappeared halfway through the night., I just mean how? Why? I thought you didn’t want to see him at all.” 

“I didn’t think you’d be one for the intimate details,” you giggle as she fakes a gag. 

“Oh god no,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want to know anything about Kim Seungmin’s sex game, I want to know how you go from never wanting to lay your eyes on him to getting under him.” 

Your giggles fill the room, but they’re soon stopped by Gwen chucking a pillow at you, hitting you with a thump. “OW! What the heck Gwen?!” 

“You were having dirty thoughts and I don’t want to know!” 

Sitting up, you throw the pillow back to her. “You don’t know that.” 

“Yes, I do.” Gwen catches the pillow. “You had the giggle and you know for a fact that it wasn’t an innocent one.” 

You giggle again, “Cause I didn’t just go under him.” 

Thwack. 

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!” 

Rubbing to soothe where the pillow hit you, you quickly apologise whilst still giggling. 

“I’m having trouble getting a reading on you,” Gwen states. “You came in super sad and out of it, but now you’re giggling like a madman.” 

Groaning, you fall back onto the bed and look over at your blonde best friend. 

“I just–” you pause. “Well–” another pause. 

“Well?” 

“Just for tonight,” you repeat your words from last night. 

Gwen blinks, opens her mouth and closes it again. “Excuse me?” 

“Just for tonight, it’s what we said last night.” You move your gaze to the ceiling. “Just for tonight.” 

“And what does that mean?” 

“Just like it suggests, we had one night, like nothing ever happened– as if nothing changed for a single night.” 

You hear Gwen move the blankets that covered her and soon the bed dips next to you. “Babe…” 

“I know,” you fake a laugh. “I’m so stupid.” 

Gwen slowly moves the hair out of your face. When you look at her, you can see her frown. “You’re not stupid.” 

“It’s just, I knew, I knew I shouldn’t have given in, I knew I shouldn’t have let him kiss me or let it go further than it did, but I just…” Your sentence comes to a stop as you try and think of how to continue it. 

This was your mind every time you thought of Seungmin. Stuck in the middle of a forest, with no map, no compass and no way out. Lost and confused, yet every time he looked at you, spoke to you, uttered the words you so desperately wanted to hear, gave you baseless hope that he always seemed to give you. The hope that everything would work out, that he’d confess his love and scream it to the world.

But it didn’t happen then and you knew it wouldn’t happen now. 

“You’re not dumb or stupid,” Gwen sighs, putting her hands on either side of your face and forcing you to look at her. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, sure it’s frustrating but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving into those feelings.” 

“Why can’t I just move on?” you question. 

“Because feelings are fickle things and it’s just not as easy as we want them to be.” Gwen frowns. “Look, everything that’s happened with you and Seungmin, they’re– they were painful for you, and sure, it’s scared you and affected you.” 

“He just has this control over me and it’s like I can’t say no to him.” 

Smiling a sad smile, Gwen laughs slightly. “It’s love, babe.” 

“I hate it,” you laugh, but it lacks the happiness laughter normally has. 

“No you don’t,” Gwen responds. “And you don’t hate him either, no matter how much you want to.” 

Sitting up, Gwen’s hands fall from your face and you lean into her and she instantly wraps her arms around you in a protective hug. Letting out a sigh, you affirm her words. “I really don’t and I don’t think I ever could.” 

Actually giggling, you feel Gwen place a kiss on your hairline. “Oh my foolish best friend, what am I going to do with you?”

→→

Seungmin’s couch was one of the most comfortable couches you had ever had the chance to sit on. It was a dark wine red fabric corner sofa, just warn in enough that it was comfortable. 

Even though no one in their friend group knew of Seungmin and your’s ‘situationship’, the friend groups still found their way to merging– this mostly being because Jisung was a social butterfly that couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but nonetheless. Now the group was bigger, it gave you all more of an excuse to meet up and see each other. 

Which would be great if you weren’t currently upset and annoyed at Seungmin. What made it worse was that you couldn’t even tell Gwen, your best friend. Sure, you could have properly told her anyway, but you didn’t want to go behind Seungmin’s back like that, especially when he had already made it well-known how he felt about the whole situation. 

the time in the storage closet flashing in your mind constantly like a constant pain still reminding you that it's still there. 

Every time you picture his blank stare and inability to say the words you wanted to hear made your heart crack even more. However, you didn't want to let him go, sure if Gwen knew she'd probably scream about you and your worth, but that didn't matter. 

Not when your crush of the past year was actually giving you the attention you desired-- even if it was in secret. You could only do so much to show him how upset you really were. By sitting on his couch during these group hangouts, giving him little to no attention. 

Was it petty? Maybe so. But it's not like you could yell and scream at him how you felt in front of everyone, not that you'd be able to do that anyway. Not when he'd give you one look and you'd break.

You were sat wedged between Gwen and Jeongin, one of Seungmin’s friends, as you barely focused on some overplayed tv show on the tv. Gwen, dramatically lead on your shoulder with a bowl of popcorn in front of her would sometimes grab a handle full before bringing it up to your mouth so you can take some. Jeongin, laying on your other shoulder, whined randomly and complained every time the show would say a bad joke. 

The whole time, Seungmin is sitting alone on the loveseat, arms crossed and a scowl present on his face. This was maybe the third group hangout in a row where you had given the boy little to no attention, yet gave his friends (as well as yours) a never-ending abundance of it. 

Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t jealous. Not at all, not when he’s been the one to see the way your cheeks turn pink when he flirts with you. Or how smiley you get after he kisses you. But no, he wasn’t jealous that his friends were getting more attention than he was, that you were looking at them more than at him.

Kim Seungmin doesn’t get jealous. 

One would be foolish to think otherwise. 

It’s not until Mina disturbs his quiet jea– brooding time that his scowl turns into an annoyed eye roll. 

“Can you help me with something in the kitchen please.” Mina states, rather than asks with a fake smile plastered on her lips. Before Seungmin can even get a word out to complain, she holds her palm up. “Don’t even try, help, now.” 

It was times like this that made Seungmin wonder why people loved having siblings. Especially when his older brother and sister always took the chance to remind him that they were older. 

Groaning, he gets up and follows Mina to their somewhat large family kitchen. 

“What do you need help with?” Seungmin asks. 

Mina doesn’t respond as she turns to him with her arms crossed. “Why are you pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy?” 

The younger boy blinks and blinks again, “Huh?! No, I’m not!” He argues. “Did you want help or not?” 

“Of course not!” Mina hissed. “Would you rather me ask in front of your dear friends?” 

The colour drains from his face as he quickly shakes his head. 

“Look, I know you may think of me as an annoying pain in the ass older sister, but I still notice things alright?” Mina says. “And I can notice when my foolish younger brother has a new love interest, no matter how hard he tries to keep it and her from everyone around them.” 

“I don’t know–” Seungmin stops midsentence when Mina glares at him. 

“Don’t try and pull that shit with me Seung, I know you better than you think I do.” 

Rolling his eyes, he shifts his weight onto one foot. 

He hates the feeling of Mina’s eyes boring into him like she was able to peel back every layer of him. 

Again, he didn’t see the fuss of having older siblings.

“We’re–” Seungmin pauses with a groan. He hated this and he especially hated how it was Mina grilling him out. “We’re nothing.” 

“Now, how dumb do you think I am?” Mina asks, but just like before she speaks again before he gets the chance. “No, seriously, how dumb do you think I am to think I would just take that?” 

“It’s complicated,” Seungmin responds.

“Complicated because it is complicated or complicated because you’re making it complicated?” 

When he doesn’t respond, Mina shakes her head and tsks. 

“Do you want to date her?” Mina asks.

Seungmin halts for a moment before he shakes his head.

Mina sighs, “Let me guess, you wouldn’t want her to date someone else?” 

Seungmin scowls once again, this time at the subject of her question. Had he thought about it much? The idea of you dating someone else? Of either of you dating someone else? 

Not really, but would he admit that? Of course not.

“She– She can do whatever she wants.” Seungmin almost hisses. “I don’t care, like I said, we’re not dating.” 

“How do you think she feels about this whole situationship? Are you guys on the same page?” Mina asks. 

“The pages might be a bit smudged.,” Seungmin attempts to whisper, but all this manages to do is make Mina laugh at her poor younger brother.

“And that’s why you’re pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy,” She comments. “You’re trying to play this cool tsundere type that doesn’t care when all she wants is to be able to be open about how she feels for the person she likes.” Mina scoffs. “But let me tell you this little bro, it’s not cool and you’re going to lose her with this attitude. Not when she finally realises she can find someone who won’t be scared to show her off like she deserves.” 

“Whatever,” Seungmin hisses, unable to find the words to actually say anything in defence. 

“What happens when you move away for college at the end of the year? Are you just going to keep her quietly hoping for something open? Or are you going to let her go?” 

Seungmin’s silent once again and at this point, he’s letting Mina’s words go in one ear and out the other. He’s had enough of her ‘older sister, I apparently know better’ lectures. And anyway, college wasn’t for another month or two at least, the way he thought about it was you didn’t even need to know. You’d break off whatever thing you had and you’d move on with how qualms. No issues. 

“You haven’t even told her have you?” Mina asks at her brother’s silence. 

He shakes his head, “I didn’t think there was a reason to.” 

“Just so you know, the only reason I’m not beating you up right now is because you’re my brother.” Mina hisses. 

Gasping, Seungmin glares at the slightly shorter girl. “Well thanks, sis, I love you too.” 

“Don’t try and pull an attitude with me Seung, it’s not going to work because you know you’re being an ass right now.” Crossing her arms over her chest, Mina continues. “Whether or not you agree on what you want, you need to tell her about you leaving town for college. It’s the only decent thing to do, you can’t just up and leave her in the dark.” 

Seungmin just hums. 

“Seungmin,” Mina threatens.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Whatever, I’ll think about it.” 

It was only after a minute or two that Seungmin spoke once again. "Are you done lecturing me now?" 

"I don't know," Mina responds. "You done being an idiot?" 

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin makes his way back into the living room to see the three of you still sitting in the same position on the sofa. Gwen and Jeongin on either side of you, their heads on your shoulders. 

Falling back into the loveseat, the scowl returns. Mina's words echoing in his head. 

It's not like he had to tell you, it would be fine.

→→

The rehearsal dinner is in a large dining room area just off the side of the actual wedding venue. The staff had already begun setting up the room for the next day and so the were already splashes of the wedding colours as ribbons on the back of the chairs. The large dining table that was placed in the centre of the room was covered in what seemed to be a lace-like tablecloth. 

The table itself was beautiful, with two large candles placed just off the centre and little name placeholders written in the same font that had been on the original wedding invitations. Of course, Mina and Chan sat in the centre, with two large thrones that reflected silver. There were two people sat either side of these thrones with the rest of the seats being on the opposite side of the table. 

Taking your seat, on one side you had Jisung, which you were thankful for. On the other, you had one of Chan's friends from his home back in Australia, who introduced himself as Felix. He seemed lovely, which made sense considering he was good friends with Chan. Across from you, were Chan's brother and sister whereas Seungmin and Minho were sat on Mina's left-hand side. Once settled, you released a breath you didn't know you were holding when Chan's siblings did in fact sit in the seats across from you.

You sent Felix a smile after you had both sat down and said hello to each other. 

"So," Felix smiles. "You must be friends with Mina right?" 

You nod. The way Felix was smiling made you copy it in return, it was hard to not smile when you saw it. "Yeah, I am." 

He makes a face of realisation then he nods slowly. "Of course, I feel like I would have remembered someone as beautiful as you if Chan had introduced us before." 

Gasping slightly at his bold comment. You giggle, tucking some hair behind your ear. "Thank you," 

Hearing his laughter made you want to hear it more. It was magical. It made you wonder where Chan had found the boy. He seemed too good to be true. 

As you and Felix chat, you begin to feel someone glaring daggers at you. Trying to ignore it, you remain focused on what Felix is saying. 

He looks over your shoulder for a moment before gazing back into your eyes. "Just so you know, that guy over there is staring at you pretty viciously," Felix explains. 

You sigh and look over your shoulder quickly to confirm it was indeed who you thought it was. 

Seungmin. 

He's sat there, leant back in his seat at a slight angle as he's staring at the back of your head. You could tell every part of him was tense, angry. Looking back at Felix, you smile awkwardly. 

"That's," you pause. "That's complicated." 

Felix laughs, again his smile makes you smile too. "Don't worry, I get it, Ex?" He asks. 

You inhale sharply. "Eh, something like that."

“Ah, yes,” Felix nods. “One of those things.”

Your eyes fall to your lap as you nod in agreement. It had always been difficult to label whatever you and Seungmin had, not that he helped with that all that much. Maybe that thing was enough of a descriptor. But deep down, you always wished it was more than that. 

However, all of your attention gets drawn away when the sounds of Chan tapping a fork on his champagne glass. No more thinking about that thing, Y/N. At least for now. This dinner was about Chan and Mina’s thing. A thing that was definitely so much more than whatever thing you and Seungmin have– had. Something real, something you wished for on every shooting star.

"Hi everyone," he smiles awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Thank you all for being here at our rehearsal dinner before the big day tomorrow." He looks around at Mina, who's staring up at him lovingly and takes her hand in his before he looks around at everyone again. "We're really happy you could join us in making this an event to remember for the rest of our lives." He turns to Mina again, his ears already turning pink. "And Mina, I promise I'm not going to tell you my speech early, but I am so thankful and blessed to be able to love you and be loved by you. You really make me the happiest man on earth." 

Mina pouts, standing up. She uses her free hand to playfully hit Chan on the arm. "Why are you trying to make me cry in front of everybody?!" She laughs and so does everyone else. "I love you too, so much." 

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Jisung cries, breaking the sweet moment with a raised champagne glass of his own. He quickly lowers it when both you and Gwen hit either arm. "Sorry!" 

"Don't mind if I do," Mina laughs before quickly stealing a kiss from her soon-to-be husband. Chan's blush has officially moved from his ears to his cheeks at this point. His face is bright red, but no one says a word.

"Seungmin next!" Jisung laughs, staring directly into Seungmin's eyes. 

Gasping next to him, Gwen hits his arm as she hisses his name. "Jisung!" You, however, lean back slightly to look behind Jisung at Gwen. With your own glare on your face, you mouth, What did you tell him? and in return, she smiles sheepishly. 

Everyone at the table is silent, their eyes either on Seungmin or flickering between the two boys. Seungmin raises an eyebrow, leans forward to rest his weight on one elbow and smirks. "I will if you kiss her." 

Seungmin doesn't say a name, but everyone—let's be real, everyone but Gwen—knows who he's on about. Speechless, Jisung’s mouth drops and he quickly looks down at the empty placement plate. "I didn't say anything." 

Seungmin leans back in his chair before making eye contact with you. It's like all your brain cells leave you in that moment and you have to look away to try and regain a conscious thought. 

Still standing, Mina sends a glare to both Seungmin and Jisung, which they shrink at before her lips quickly form into a smile. 

“They’ll be bringing out the starter and then the first course very soon, so please talk whilst we wait.” She ends with a smile and sits, but not before quickly slapping Seungmin’s arm making him pout at his older sister. 

You weren't able to hear what she whispered to him next, but by the look on his face, he didn't look too pleased. He turns from her, crosses his arms over his chest and looks anywhere but her direction. Catching her eye, she smiles, and you smile back.

Excusing yourself from your seat, you quickly move and crouch down in between Gwen and Jisung’s. Trying to muster up the most venomous yet loving glare you could, you smile at her. “Can I just talk to you for a minute?” 

Gwen laughs awkwardly. Jisung, however, keeps his head down as he plays with his fingers like Seungmin's words are still ringing around in his head. 

She pulls her seat out and you stand as she does. “Sure.” 

Grabbing onto her wrist, you guide her out of the room, just far enough where you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hearing you both. Stopping, her wrist falls from your grasp and you turn to her. “What did you tell him?!” 

“Nothing!” Gwen throws her arms up and crosses them in front of her a second later. “…I mean, not nothing, but not everything!”

“You know how big of a mouth that boy has!” You hiss, “We can’t tell him shit unless we want him to spill it.” 

“I know!” Gwen huffs. “I just said you guys slept together, that’s it, nothing more.” 

"Gwen!" 

"I'm sorry," Gwen repeats. "I don't know what happened, he looked at me and I just had to tell him." 

"I stand by what I said before," you laugh. "You guys are unbelievable." 

Gwen blinks and opens her mouth to speak before closing it again. Once she finds the words, she says, "When did you say that?" 

You catch onto the servers starting to pass you with food on trays. "It doesn't matter," you mumble. "We should go back in before Mina starts wondering where we are." Gwen hums and nods her head, but before you can start to walk away, she grabs your wrist and pulls you into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think he'd say that in front of everyone." you hear her mumble as you wrap your arms around her. Giggling, you hug her as tightly as you can for a second making her complain. 

"It's fine," you smile. "Just next time give me a heads up you've told your boyfriend about my non-existent love life yeah?" 

"He's not my–" she starts, but soon gives up. "Yeah sure, I'm sorry," she repeats. 

Pulling away, you raise an eyebrow at her. "You didn't deny it?" 

"Everyone says it anyway," Gwen shrugs. "He's confusing, I don't know and don't try and distract me. I wouldn't say your love life was very non-existent at the moment." 

"Let's just agree to say we both have complicated situations right now?" you suggest causing the blonde to crack a laugh. 

"Sure," 

Walking back into the dining hall, you see how the servers have in fact started bringing out and placing the starters for people to pick at on a separate table. Not looking where you’re going, you startle yourself by almost walking into one of the servers.

“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, looking down and stepping aside, until you caught a whiff of one of the dishes. A server walked by with a fruit platter containing all colours of the rainbow, and the one behind them held a plate full of garlic shrimp skewers just waiting for you to grab. The smoky yet buttery aroma of steak passed you by next, pulling you back to the dinner table with Gwen in tow, who chuckled at your little trance.

Your mouth-watering, you stand on your toes as the other attendees scramble for first dibs on the incoming foods. It seemed like the steak and the garlic bread were the most popular choices, so you decide to come back for it later—there would more than likely be another plate coming anyway. Instead, something else that no one else seemed to touch makes your eyes almost pop out of their sockets in excitement.

Cheese.

There was nothing you loved more in this world than cheese and on top of that, you don't think anything or anyone could come close to it. Cheese was your best friend, sorry, Gwen, cheese was always there went something went wrong, again, sorry, Gwen, cheese was everything right in the world. Whether it was cold, straight out of the fridge, or heated up so it was warm and stringy, it was perfect. If someone told you to do something and in return they offered cheese? You’d do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked, that's just how much you loved the stuff. 

Evilly chuckling under your breath, you grab your plate and make a beeline for the tiers of different cheeses to try. You take one of every option there and make a small pile of them on your plate. Brie, cheddar, parmesan, pepper jack, gouda, and—

“Ooh, camembert!”

You jump, dropping the cheese in your hand. Who dares to take your precious cheese? Just thirty seconds ago, you were the only person at the cheese board. What could have changed within that short time frame?

A hand reaches out to grab a slice of camembert and you follow it to meet eyes with the last person you wanted there. Seungmin stands across the table, an addicting, yet very punchable, smirk on his face as he places the slice of the precious camembert onto his plate.

You wanted to smack the smirk off his stupid face. Maybe smash your lips against his before you did so.

But all you could do was blink.

“Camembert,” Seungmin states matter-of-factly, holding up a slice in his hand. You aren’t sure if you should look at the cheese or at him. “Your favourite, right?”

You look down at your plate, biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling.

Seungmin bends down, smirking when he sees your flustered state. “Hey,” he chuckles, sending your stomach into knots before you could even get food in it. “Earth to Y/N…”

You blink and blink again before making eye contact with him, and he still has that brazen smile on his face. You aren’t sure how you still aren’t used to him looking at you like that. Like you’re the only two people in the room and how it could all change so instantly and you’d still be the one left in this haze of rose. 

“Here,” he says, taking a piece from his plate and putting it on yours. You look between the slice of camembert and him, and he smiles at you over his shoulder as he struts over to his seat.

You’re left there standing in shock, blinking as you try to wrap your head around what happened.

“Did I really just see that?” Gwen asks as she steps next to you. 

Then your rose glasses start to crack and streams of real light come through. 

“Uh..” you clear your throat. “Yeah, that happened.” 

“So have you, uh, spoken to him since?” Gwen begins to ask and you quickly shake your head. 

“Nope.”

“Ah,” Gwen responds as she starts to pick up her own pieces of cheese. 

Looking over your shoulder, your eyes scan the surrounding area and your eyes widen as you find Seungmin already looking in your direction– the same brazen smile still plastered on his face. 

You turn away when you see him laugh to himself and look down at his plate. “I’m– I’m going to sit back down.” 

Gwen hums in acknowledgement and you quickly rush back to your seat next to Felix and Jisung. Placing your plate down, you slip into your seat. 

“Lover of cheese huh?” Felix laughs, looking down at your plate. Picking up a piece and placing it in your mouth with a happy hum, you nod your head. 

“Call it a passion of mine,” you say, covering your mouth. 

“Gosh,” Jisung groans from next to you. “Don’t get her started, she’ll talk about it all day.” 

Throwing your head back laughing at his comment, you can’t even begin to deny it. “I’m passionate,” you respond with a smile. 

Looking at you with a blank face, Jisung blinks. “You’re obsessed.” 

“Devoted,” you fight, sounding out the syllables.

“Obsessed,” Jisung repeats, copying your actions. 

You make a face at him before plopping another piece of cheese in your mouth and chewing away happily.

Your eyes scan the surrounding area and you feel yourself straightening up when your eyes land on Seungmin. He’s already looking at you, and you can’t tell if he looks annoyed or maybe even jealous about sitting so far away from you.

You simply turn back to Felix, propping your chin on your palm. “Now, where were we?”

“Here we go,” Jisung mutters.

You nudge him with your elbow before continuing. “Anyways… Yes, I do love cheese. But not as much as—”

“Y/N,” Jisung whines.

“Jisung!” You plaster on a cheesy grin, blinking one too many times as you turn your head to him. “Why don’t you tell them about your so-called ‘passion’,” you say, making air-quotes around “passion”, “for coffee?”

Jisung just glares at you. He keeps a straight face, but you can see the tips of his ears turning red. “You know that’s different, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Okay, and how many cups of americano have you had this week?

“Wh– I–” he sputters. “Like, six?”

You say nothing, and just maintain your gaze on him.

“…teen.”

You smile smugly. “Mhm. And somehow I’m the obsessed one.”

Something white falls in the corner of your eye. Looking back at your plate, you don’t notice anything different, except for a piece of camembert that must have rolled off your plate. You shrug and pop it into your mouth; you did have a comically large pile of it to work through, so it was more than plausible.

You look back up, and Jisung is staring above your head with furrowed eyebrows. You follow his gaze and see… a ceiling. You wonder how many of those sixteen cups of americano were from today alone.

Felix, who also seems to have spaced out for a second, looks back at Jisung. “It’s okay, man,” he chuckles, “I had, like, three cups of coffee this morning.”

“A man of culture,” Jisung nods happily, motioning to the blonde boy with a smile. 

Felix laughs, nodding his own head. “Of course, man, I need the caffeine to survive, especially with my classes.” 

“Teacher or student?” You ask. 

Somehow, and you’re not sure how, but Felix’s smile seems to grow wider. 

“Both actually,” he hums. “Well if you class it as both I guess.” 

Raising an eyebrow for him to continue, he does. 

“I’m a student teacher, currently on placement in a nursery school, but I took a week off to be here,” 

“That’s so sweet!” You smile, “Working with kids fun?” 

Felix nods again, “Kids are just amazing,” He laughs. “Every day is different and they’re so out there, you know? It’s really a fulfilling position.” 

“Sounds like you want a bunch of your own then?” You giggle, causing a pink tint to cross Felix’s face. 

He shrugs, before spluttering, “I-I don’t know, m-maybe?!” 

“Well, I’m sure whoever you’d be with would be very lucky.” You continue to giggle, nodding your head. 

Felix’s blush deepens and he nods his head shyly. 

“How about you? Seeing stuff like that in your future?” 

You shrug, picking up another piece of cheese from your plate before putting it into your mouth. You let it rest there for a moment, giving yourself time to think before you swallow. 

“Maybe,” you take a deep breath in and let it out as you look over to Felix. “I don’t know what’s in my cards yet, so maybe.” You shrug. 

“That’s a chill way to think about it,” he smiles. 

“Thanks,” you laugh. “I feel like it’s less pressuring that way you know?” 

He hums, nodding his head in agreement. “Oh yeah, for sure, everything should be done at your own pace.” 

“True, plus I haven’t even graduated yet so, I think I’ll focus on this hurdle before I think about another one that might not even happen yet.” 

Another white object falls, and this time you look up in time to catch a hand above you before its owner pulls it back. Letting your eyes fall back to your plate, there was an additional piece of camembert on top of the few cheeses you had left. You wouldn’t have questioned it this time if you hadn’t already finished the camembert you brought with you.

Your face contorts in confusion as your gaze settles on Seungmin, who barely acknowledges you as he pulls his hand away and continues to make his way around the table and to his seat. 

You blink as your eyes follow him, with your mouth open slightly in shock. 

“I thought you said it was complicated?” Felix chuckles, snapping you out of your daze. 

You nod, trying to get your brain to make a coherent thought. “It is…. We are.” 

Jisung snorts from next to you and leans to the side slightly so Felix can see him properly. “Trust me, as someone who’s seen it all since high school, complicated is putting it simply.” 

“You’re one to talk,” you mutter, shoving another piece of camembert into your mouth. 

“He’s been dropping cheese off to you like your cheese fairy godmother,” Felix chuckles again. 

“Don’t you mean fairy godfather?” Jisung asks. 

“Fairy godperson?” Felix responds. 

“Personal preference,” you shrug, “anyway, we shouldn’t let him cloud our minds with his confusing actions.” 

“Are you talking to us or yourself there?” Jisung chuckles, making you roll your eyes and playfully slap his arm. 

“Shut up Ji.”

Letting out a breath of air, you lean forward and quickly take another piece of cheese from your plate.

“I’m just saying, I don’t have an americano fairy godperson,” Jisung says matter-of-factly, leaning back into his seat. 

You just stare at him incredulously, blindly stuffing another piece of cheese into your mouth. “How would that even work?”

He shrugs. “Maybe they have a cup of coffee ready for me in the morning?”

Swallowing the piece in your mouth, you don’t break your stare. The thought of this magical fairy godperson having to memorize Jisung’s coffee order makes you feel sorry for them. You tried it once, and never again.

“Maybe they just pour coffee into your mouth,” Felix chimes in.

You snort, rolling your eyes. “That’s almost worse, it’s like a mama bird throwing up in its baby’s mouth.”

Closing your eyes, open your mouth and tilt your head up, as if to mimic the hypothetical baby bird. After a few seconds, you feel something land in your mouth, causing your eyes to shoot open and you sit up.

You pat on your chest and quickly clear your throat. You bite down on what you can taste is cheese and swallow. 

“That’s not how it went in the dream went,” you mutter to yourself as you lean back in your chair. 

Jisung from beside you blinks, his mouth wide. “Huh?!” 

Your eyes widen for a moment before your face breaks out into a smile at the boys confusion. 

“Like,” he leans forward and whispers. “Sexual?” 

You also lean forward, making him more intrigued, “Yes.” 

His mouth open and closes like a fish, “that doesn’t answer my question?!” 

“But do you really want the answer to that question though?” You ask, with a pessimistic look on your face. 

“Yes and no,” Jisung answers almost immediately. 

However, Jisung’s train of thought gets cut short when Gwen kneels down in between you two, her hand on either one of your chairs. “I’m sorry, but did I just see that right? Did he just feed you?” 

“He’s been feeding her all night,” Jisung hisses. “Did you know she’s had a sex dream about seungmin and cheese?!” 

Gwen rolls her eyes, “They’ve had sex before, of course, she’s had the cheese sex dream about him.” 

���Um, what?!” Jisung gasps as he continues to whisper. “You’ve had it with more people than just him?” 

This time it’s you that sending him a confused look. “Wait, is this about sex in general or the cheese sex dream?”

“I-” Jisung gasps. “I don’t know at this point, I’m so confused.” 

“Wait, that’s not why i’m here! Gwen hisses. “That weird moment at the food table and now he’s been feeding you all night? What is up with him?” 

“You tell me,” you sigh, your eyes linger on where he was currently sat, his attention on his older brother Minho and the two others sat across from him. 

“If I could give my two cents,” Felix leans behind your chair for the three of you to hear. “I’m Felix, by the way,” he smiles at Gwen and offers his hand for her to shake. 

“Oh, hi! I’m Gwen!” 

Their hands part and Felix clears his throat. “I don’t know what happened for things to be as complicated as you say they are, but he obviously has some unresolved feelings for you.” 

“How can you tell?” you ask. 

“Because adults are just overgrown children and I work with children every day,” Felix explains. “He uses these little things to keep your attention, any sign of that attention going away, he comes back and does it again.” 

“How are you so sure?” 

The side of Felix’s lips tilt up into a smirk. He shots a look, over to Seungmin and his smirk grows widen when he notices the boy is looking over at the four of them. “Eat the rest of your cheese quick,” he looks at you again. “I’ll prove it to you.” Looking over at Gwen, he smiles. “Gwen, you go back to your seat and act natural, you guys will see what I mean.” 

You do as he instructs, eating the rest of your cheese (even though you didn’t have much left anyway). After you plop the last piece into your mouth, you smile and hum. 

You loved cheese so much. 

You look over to Felix with a small smile. “Finished.”

“You can have some of mine,” Felix smiles and says slightly louder than normal, sliding his own plate over to you. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.” 

You exaggerate your pout as you look at him. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.” 

Even though it was an act, a pink blush still covers his cheeks as he brushes you off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

It’s maybe only thirty seconds later that a paper plate filled with different types of cheese– noticeably more camembert than the rest– appears beside you. Looking up quickly, you catch Seungmin with a scowl on his lips. 

“Here,” he mumbles quickly, before walking back around to his chair without a second to spare. 

Felix snorts, leaning backwards to send a look at Jisung and Gwen, and mouths ‘i told you’. 

“Okay,” you mumble. “Maybe you’re on to something.”

 In the next second, Gwen is back down kneeled beside you. “That was insane,” she gasps. 

“I don’t get it,” you huff. “He was the one that didn’t want anything official in the first place.” you mumble the last part, your eyes fixed on the plate with the mountain of cheese on. 

“It’s been three years,” Jisung starts. “People and their feelings can change.” 

“But…” what about what he said last night? Just for tonight? 

His words were one thing, but then his actions completely different. His words were, one time only, but his actions and the way your friends, and new friend, spoke about them, said that it was more than that. 

Why couldn’t you just read minds? You thought to yourself, at least then you’d maybe be able to tell what he was thinking half of the time. 

Looking at Gwen, you frown.

“Maybe,” Gwen sighs. “Maybe try talking to him,” her gaze narrows on you. “Properly this time.” 

Your cheeks begin to heat up and you nod. Looking at Gwen, you notice her gaze is elsewhere causing you to follow it and that’s when you see Mina talking to Seungmin. Every now and then he rolls his eyes, almost like he doesn’t like her words. 

“Maybe he’s being told the same thing,” Gwen says, patting your shoulder. 

You shrug, maintaining your gaze on Seungmin as you bring a piece of camembert into your mouth. Maybe this was a sign to talk to him.

Maybe you could give him another chance.

→→

seungmin casually slides into his chair, a smirk present on his lips as he picks at his now full plate. 

"What are you doing?" Mina's voice, fills Seungmin's ears and he tilts his head at her in false confusion. 

"What do you mean?" Mina's face is blank as she blinks. 

"Just casually dropping off cheese?" 

"No," he responds as he takes a bite of a piece of his food. "Just need to get my steps in." 

"You're full of shit Seung, seriously," she sighs. 

His eyes move to you and he watches how you speak with Jisung and whom he came to learn was Felix. He notices how Gwen leaves her seat to crouch behind you. But ultimately, he notices how Felix stares at him, his own smirk twisted into his lips. Seungmin's eyes narrows as he looks at the boy and he rolls his eyes at how Felix's laugh seems to make you smile. 

His eyes go back to you and he watches as you turn to eat the rest of the cheese on your plate and once you are in fact done. Felix smiles and moves his own closer to you. 

“You can have some of mine,” Felix's voice fills Seungmin's ears and he gets up suddenly, causing both Mina and Minho to look at him. Felix's voice still echoing in his ears. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.” 

He gets to the food table, grabs a paper plate and starts to put all of his annoyed emotions into putting the new pieces of cheese onto the plate. He wanted to say to say sorry to the cheese for being so mean, but he just resulted to rolling his eyes when your voice fills his ears. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.” 

Silently making fun of the way you said it, he rolls his eyes again before turning around. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.” 

He takes the few steps over to where you're sat next to Felix and leans over and drops the plate onto the table. 

"Here," he mumbles and he doesn't leave you a second to process and respond.

Quickly walking back around to his seat, he drops into it with his arms crossed. He stares at his own plate on his table and just by the way he hears Mina sigh and turn to him, he knows he's in for it. 

"You seriously just can't keep chill can you?" Mina asks, clicking her tongue. 

Keeping his eyes on his plate, his jaw tightens. "What do you mean?" 

"Don't do this Seungmin, not right now, this is the rehearsal dinner for my wedding!" She says emphasising the word wedding. "Don't go and try and make things awkward not just for us but for her and everyone else here." 

Seungmin's eyes look up at his older sister. "I'm not trying to make things awkward." 

Mina rolls her eyes. "You're still full of shit Seungmin and you know that. You know what you're doing and you know why you're doing it." 

Seungmin rolls his eyes and he goes to open his mouth to speak, but Mina cuts him off. 

"No, you don't talk until I'm finished." Mina glares. "Now this is my wedding, you're not going to play your mind games with her. you're not going to have her regret coming and ruining this as a memory for not only her, but for me as well. I don't care if you think I'm being a bitch here, but you sort your shit out. If you really want to fix things, you don't do it like this. If you really want to fix things, you don't sleep with her on the first night of seeing each other again in hopes of it just making things go away and making it better. It doesn't work like that." Mina exclaims, causing Seungmin to shrink in his seat.

 He didn't know she knew about that. 

Mina sighs and frowns at her younger brother. "I love you, I really do, but you have to remember everything that happened back then was because you decided for it to happen that way. Take responsibility for it if you want things to be different with her." Mina suggests, she then laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "However, I don't know why you had to pick my wedding was the right time for it."

He tries to smile as he looks up at Mina, "I'm sorry." 

Mina leans forward and messes playfully with his hair causing him to try and push her hands away. "You're my little brother and I love and support you," Mina starts, however Seungmin knew this was too good to be true. She wouldn't just praise him so casually. "But you're so fucking stupid sometimes, I mean, I love it for you, but gosh Seungmin." 

there it was. 

"Ouch, but I love you too I guess." Seungmin responds. 

"Of course you do," Mina laughs. "I tell you the truth and you know that asshole would just laugh at you." Mina's eyes flickers to Minho, who's still focused on the other two men sat across from him. 

Seungmin joins in on her laughter and nods his head. "True." 

"Just," Mina sighs. "If you really want something, go for it. If you really want something with her. Tell her, don't continue to be that dumb high school kid you were and be truthful with her and lay it all out on the table." 

"Okay," Seungmin hums. "I'll talk to her."

→→

You're slow to leave the dining hall after the rehearsal dinner, too caught up in chatting to Felix, Jisung and Gwen that you're one of the last sets of people to leave. You trailed out behind Gwen and Jisung with Felix by your side as you continued to laugh at Felix's jokes. 

You came to a stop, however, when you saw Seungmin casually leaning up against the wall out in the hallway. When he notices you, he stands quickly and takes the few steps towards you, nodding slightly at Felix. 

Patting your shoulder, Felix smiles, "I'll catch up with you later." 

Inhale, exhale. 

You nod, sending a similar smile to the boy beside you. "Okay, see you later." 

As you watched him walk away, you took the moment to prepare yourself mentally before you turned to face Seungmin. 

His hair is messier, like he's run his hands through it a thousand times whilst he was waiting for you to come out into the hallway. And his tie, once neatly laid out was now pulled loose and his top button of his white shirt was undone. 

"Seungmin," you take another breath. "What do you need?" 

"To talk to you," he starts. "about everything." 

"Everything?" you question. "Like how you tried to choke me out with cheese today?" 

A chuckle escaped the boys mouth, his lips turned up into a smile. "You know you wouldn't be mad about it if it happened." 

You snorted as you tried your best to fight off a smile. "What do you want, Seungmin? Seriously." 

"About us," Seungmin takes a step forward. "I mean it, I-" 

Seungmin pauses mid-sentence like his brain had just up and paused on him. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out and when he opens his mouth to speak once more, he sighs. 

"I don't want it to be just for tonight– well last night." He blushes, closing his eyes to avoid having to see your reaction. 

"What?" You gasp. "Seungmin..." 

You couldn't help but feel an odd sense of reversed deja vu. 

“Look, I know it probably doesn’t make sense, after everything that happened between us, but…” Seungmin pauses to take a deep breath. 

Your breath hitches in your throat. Something in you tells you that you know where this is going. 

But it can’t go that way. You know it deep down. As much as your body screams at you to give in right then and there, your brain screams over it.

“Seungmin…” you breathe out. Your eyes flick to the floor, then back to him.

You use every fibre of your being to stop yourself from stepping closer to him. Even after all these years, he was intoxicating—the right look from him could make you weak in the knees, turning you into putty. It was a mystery how you made it through the dinner.

Seungmin notices your hesitation, and gently lifts your chin up with two fingers. He then moves his hand so it’s cupping your cheek. The look he gives you is so tender, warmth pooling in his eyes, that you have to glance back down to compose yourself.

You dare to look up again, and something in you snaps. Before you could even think about what you’re doing, your hand slowly makes it’s way up his arm before going around the back of his neck.

It truly was a mystery how you made it through the dinner, you thought for a split second. But it all goes to static when you pull him against you and press his lips to his. 

His lips are chapped, like he had been nibbling on them as he waited for you. You don’t care as much as the kiss in itself is soft, sweet and a feeling swirled in your stomach like you had successfully gotten your next fix.

It quickly changes however, when his hands land on your hips, and it’s like electric shocks are sent all over your body. Sighing into the kiss, he takes the chance to overpower you and without little hassle, you let him. All you do instead is pull him closer to you– if it was even physically possible. 

“I still need to talk to you,” He pulls back slightly and mumbles against your lips. You quickly cut him short with another kiss.

“This,” kiss. “Isn’t,” another kiss. “Talking.” 

You’re doing everything you can to try and get him to stop thinking and to just solely focus on the act of kissing you. Moving your lips swiftly to his neck, you’re sure he can feel your smirk against his skin and you feverishly place kisses up and along his neck and jaw line.

“We can talk later,” he moans.

Taking your face in his hands, he angles you once again so you’re looking at him, smashing his lips to yours again, and you can’t think straight. It takes only mere seconds for you to full loose all thoughts of right or wrong.

You know what? Maybe one more night won’t hurt.

→→

You stare at the words that were displayed on your beat up flip up phone as you felt whatever vice was around your heart tighten. 

Mina: 11:45 am

Look, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but since he obviously isn’t going to tell you himself… Seungmin’s leaving for college. 

I tried to get him to tell you.

You felt your throat tighten and you did your best to clear it by patting on your chest causing you to cough. 

Pushing yourself away from your desk with your hands, you rise to your feet, before rushing out of your bedroom door, down the stairs and out of the door and away from your house in only a matter of seconds.

You could hear your parents calling out behind you, lost for words, but that didn't concern you at that moment. Not when seungmin was leaving and the only reason you knew was because his older sister was nice enough to tell you. Not even seungmin himself could get the courage to tell you- to break down his own walls ever so slightly just to give you the decency of telling you: hey, i'm leaving. 

Haphazardly typing out a response to Mina, you hit send and shove your phone into your pocket as you continue to run as fast as you could to their house. 

The adrenaline over powers the fact that you want nothing more badly as to cry. To break down and to scream to the world, to him, until your throat went dry and your lungs hurt. Because no matter how little or much he shared with others. no matter how much or how little he wanted to show the world that he cared, he still did. How, even after so many months of secrecy and silent wishes, he was more than just a senior year crush. 

He was more than just a mere moment in time. 

He was powerful, moving, frustrating in all of the best ways. He was addicting and even though he broke your heart every time he said he didn't want anyone to know about the both of you, you still foolishly stayed. Because you'd rather break your heart a thousand times by him than to never experience his love, even if it's not fully and out loud. No matter the odd and secretive the ways he seemed to share it. 

Because in those secret moments, the ones where it was you two vs the world. Where he looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky especially for him. He made all of the pain worth it, made all of the crying into ice cream tubs at two in the morning worth it. 

Sure, maybe it didn't make sense, but nothing made sense about him. Ever. You could never fully wrap your head around the enigma that is Kim Seungmin, but you knew, if you had the chance, you’d want to spend as much time as possible trying to.

Your feet stop once you're outside of his house and whatever adrenaline you have seems to wear off as the tight feeling returns to your throat. You see movement through the living room window and even when your mind screams at you to flee, your feet carry you forward up the footpath and onto the main porch. 

The ever familiar white door is a looming presence. It’s silently taunting you, beckoning you to knock on its wooden surface and face the boy who was about to be ripped from your world. Or don’t. You could just go home for all he cared, go back to your fantasy world where Seungmin will always be around, only to shatter your own heart when you finally wake up.

It was like some screwed up form of Schrodinger's cat—no matter what you do, you know you’re going to lose.

Maybe that is what compels you to stay long enough for Minho to open the door, a confused but content smile on his face.

"Oh, y/n, hi!" 

You attempt to smile, but it falters, "Hey."

Whether or not he notices, he doesn’t say, which you’re thankful for.

“Here for Seung?” The older boy asks, causing your cheeks to heat up as you nod quickly. Minho hums before calling out behind him for Seungmin. “Come inside, it’s getting cold.” 

“Yeah…” Seungmin’s voice softens as he looks up and sees you, standing beside Minho. “Y/N…” 

Gulping, you wave before pushing your lips into a thin line. 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Minho says, before turning to you and tapping your shoulder. “It was good to see you.” 

You nod simply, trying your best to smile as your gaze soon moves back towards Seungmin. He’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are looking in any direction that isn’t you. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Ignoring his question, you respond with your own. “Are you really leaving?” 

His head shoots up in surprise and the look on his face alone is enough confirmation, but it tugs at your heartstrings more when he asks.

“How did you know?” 

“So you weren’t even going to tell me?” Your face twists into a frown as you blink to try and stop your eyes from feeling glassy. “Do you care so little about me that you wouldn’t even tell me?” 

“How did you find out?” He rephrases his question from before as his eyes stayed on you. Boring into you like he was trying to find the centre of your soul. 

“Is that all you care about right now?” You scoff. “You care more about me finding out you’re leaving than actually telling me yourself?” You blink away the tears that had threatened to fall. This time, you were the one to look anywhere but at him. “Did none of our moments together mean anything to you?” 

You can’t tell if he’s deflecting, unwilling to answer your question or if he truly cares so little about the almost full year you had spent together. 

“That’s just what they are though,” Seungmin sighed. “Moments in time,” he crosses his arm over his chest and metaphorically sticks a knife through your chest. “But moments pass, and this is one of those moments.” 

“So they really didn’t mean anything huh?” you tsk to yourself, shaking your head lightly. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to ask, but, did I even mean anything to you?” 

“Of course, you meant something to me, you’re a great friend.” Now he’s cauterising the wound, whilst trying to shove the knife in deeper. 

It’s funny how someone in one moment could be beginning for your affection, only to stab you in the back the next. But it wasn’t just stabbing you in the back, it was full hung drawn and quartered. He was pulling the emotions out of you, the memories and tearing them to shreds in front of you like a child would rip open the wrapping paper on their presents on Christmas morning. 

“Friends, really?” you huff, “to you, we’re only just friends? Do friends really do everything we did together?” 

Seungmin slips his hands into the back pocket of his jeans as he shrugs. “Some friends might, who am I to judge?” 

“So you really wouldn’t care if I did all of the things I did with you with someone else? You know, 'cause that’s what friends do apparently.” You suggest.

Seungmin falters, his jaw tightening for a second before he relaxes. There’s something that flashes in his eyes that you can’t figure out and he just hallowly laughs.

“Of course not,” Seungmin mutters. “You can do whatever you want.” 

“So would it be wrong of me to assume that you did this with your other ‘friends’ too?” You felt a bubble get caught in your throat as you tried to keep your voice from failing. “Is that why you never wanted anyone else to know? Cause you had other ‘friends’?” 

Seungmin pauses as his eyes bore into yours. You want to look away, but something inside of you physically stops you from doing so. 

He stays quiet for the longest few seconds of your life before you attempt to speak again. “Can you at least-” 

“No,” he cuts you off, clearing his throat. “It was just you. I wasn’t and didn’t see anyone else.” 

“Were you embarrassed by me?” 

He shakes his head almost instantly and the more he speaks, the more utterly confused you’re getting. 

“No,” he says simply. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?” 

“You– You–” your mind stutters. “You confuse me so much. If it wasn’t because there was someone else and it wasn’t because you were embarrassed about me, then why? Why didn’t you want anyone else to know?” 

Seungmin sighs the heaviest sigh you think you’ve ever heard. It’s almost like he’s tired of repeating himself without ever actually repeating what he means. 

“Because like you said, they were moments in time, moments we shared together, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to be aware of them.” Seungmin attempts to explain. 

“Not even the people that would be happy for you? Care for you and want you to succeed?” 

Seungmin shrugs his shoulders once more. He’s so casual about the whole thing that it’s like a stark difference to the Seungmin he showed you in secret, the Seungmin that only you saw. 

At this point, you couldn’t tell if you had gone numb to all of your emotions, or if you were reaching the breaking point. “You really just don’t care do you?” 

“I didn’t say that” Seungmin responds rather quickly. 

“You did,” you say twice as fast.

“I didn’t” Seungmin rebuts.

“You did, you said moments pass and that ours passed. Make it make sense?” You beg, you could accept any bit of explanation at this point. Especially if it cleared up how he was feeling and made you less confused. 

However, Seungmin couldn’t do that. He just had to add more questions than answers. It was like he couldn’t help himself.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something to me.”

“Well, it meant everything to *me*, Seungmin. Don’t you get it?” Running a hand through your hair in an attempt to get it out of your face, you let a groan escape your lips. “I did everything you asked of me. I didn’t tell anyone, I snuck around for you, I let my grades slip and my friends worry about me because of you. I waited and waited because at first, I thought, this is new. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to tell anyone right away. Let us just find our place together, to make sure we actually worked well together and then maybe he’ll be comfortable sharing with at least our friends, but then I kept waiting because I care so much about you and about every single moment that we spent together and how much I didn’t want them to end that I thought that just keeping silent and continuing to wait would be enough. And it’s the fact that I’m so foolish that I could wait for you forever if you asked me to because that’s how much I love you, Kim Seungmin.” 

You only notice the tears spilling down your cheeks when you begin to taste the saltiness on your lips. 

“Love?” He whispers. “You love me?” 

Taking in a deep breath, you wipe your cheeks and find the courage inside to look at him. His eyes are soft and red like he has his own tears welling up. Your frown deepens, “would it really make a difference if I did at this point?” 

“Y/N, I…” Seungmin pauses. He opens his mouth like a fish out of water but soon finds his words. “I thought we agreed, we were just having some fun, nothing serious.” 

“I never agreed to that Seungmin,” you hiccup. “I just let myself get carried away with you because I always hoped it would change.”

As he takes a step forward, you take one back closer to his front door. 

“Do you really love me?” He asks, his voice almost sounding sincere. 

Nodding, the tears rolling down your cheeks, drop onto the floor below you. 

“I do, so goddamn much and I see now how much of a fool I was to get swept up with you.” You laugh a laugh so hollow, your soul hurts. “I’m sorry and I hope college treats you well Seungmin,” sighing, you turn and open the door. “I really do.” 

Shutting his front door behind you, your feet once again carry you down the path and you stop once it connects to the main pavement. 

Just like all those months before, you stand there, waiting– wishing for him to come outside and to bring you into his arms as he screams about how much he loves you, but just like then, he doesn’t. 

You’re left alone with your sweater paw covering your mouth in hopes of muffling your cries. 

→→

It was Seungmin pulling you closer to him that caused you to stir and wake up and it was you shooting up in bed that caused him to groan and open his eyes groggily. 

“What are you doing?” he yawns, attempting to grab you and pull you back towards him. 

"I- I should," you move just out of the way of his fingertips. "I should go back to my room, the wedding is later." 

As you're looking around for your items of clothing, Seungmin sits up. 

"No wait, just stay here and go later, we still have time." he tries to reason with you, but you just shake your head. "Come on, lets go back to sleep." 

"I shouldn't, Seungmin," you mutter, slipping back into your clothes from last night. 

Seungmin gets up, finds some of his own clothes before he turns to face you. "Why not? what's wrong?" 

"It's just… this," you motion between you two as he steps towards you. "Us, everything about this."

 "Y/N," 

Groaning, you can't stop yourself from speaking. "And I hate it when you say my name like that!" 

"What's going on? Just talk to me please." 

"You, Seungmin, you're just so confusing to me like a fucking enigma." you scoff. "You’re the one that never wanted to be open before, you said we had a moment and that it passed and now here we are now. Now you're acting sweet, you're trying to have my attention on you 24/7, you're feeding me cheese knowing it's my favourite, but then you say things like how you only want to be with me for the night, or for the weekend?” 

You look around the room before your eyes meets his and you continue your speech.

“You say my name in the way you used to say it before, like how we weren't on the same page, saying my name in a tone like you were letting me down easy and I don't want to go through that again, Min." you slip up at the nickname. "I never wanted just for the night, just for the weekend. I wanted forever then and even after all this time, i'm still a fool for wanting it now."

“Y/N, wait–” 

Seungmin attempts to speak, but you cut him off before he gets the chance to say another word. 

“And you’re asking me to stay with you, to go back to sleep beside you in your arms. I just can’t stop thinking about how after today, we’ll part and it’ll be just like it was back then, another passing moment.” You gulp and look down, hoping he doesn’t see your lips waver. “I don’t think my heart can take it.” 

Seungmin gently tilts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet his once more. His gaze is soft, his chestnut eyes swimming with a kind of warmth that almost makes you want to run back into his arms right there.

“Y/N, this…” his voice is soft, and his thumb is rubbing gentle circles on your cheek. You can’t help but lean into his hand. “This isn’t just a moment.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. You almost do throw yourself into him, you’re this close. You want so badly to just give into him for the third time, but the memories come back flooding to you before you can try.

You let out a shaky breath, and you have to move his hand away in order to get your next words out.

“Then what was it last time?”

Seungmin stays silent. His lips are parted as if he’s going to speak, but no words leave his throat. You search his eyes for an answer, noticing a mixture of surprise and shock for a second, then a flash of regret. He casts his gaze down, blinking a few times to recompose himself before looking back up at you.

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air. Your stare shifts from his eyes to his lips and back as you wait for him to speak. But still, nothing comes out. Your chest tightens at the lack of response.

A minute passes by, and Seungmin still hasn’t uttered a word. You feel crushed under the silence, physically and emotionally, and your body scrambles to find a way out before your brain can catch up.

“Wait, Y/N—” Seungmin mumbles, grabbing your hand before you can step away from him. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from looking.

“Seungmin, I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” he pleas. You don’t need to turn your head to know he’s giving you that soft, desperate look. Those goddamn fucking puppy dog eyes you always fell for in the past, and you knew if you even dared to look, you’d fall for it again.

“I can’t.” You say, shaking your hand to loosen his grip on it and begin to gather the rest of your things. “You can’t even say a word to me.”

“I am right now,” Seungmin grabs your hand one more time and succeeds in making you turn around this time. 

You huff, letting your eyes trail up to this. “Okay, then tell me. If this isn’t another passing moment to you, then what was it last time?”

You clutch your purse in your hand, watching him expectantly for an answer. But another silence fills the air, and this one is louder than ever.

You don’t let the silence go on as long this time. Instead, you sling your purse over your shoulder, grabbing the rest of your things as you storm out of the room.

“I’ll see you at the wedding, Seungmin,” you say, and you turn to look back at him one more time. It takes everything in you to keep yourself from running back once you see the regret etched on his face. “Let me know if you ever have an actual answer for me.”

→→

“Now introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Bang!” 

The room bursts into applause and as he watches his older sister gaze at the love of her life, happiness begins to overflow in Seungmin’s chest. For years, he’s watched Mina adorn pages in her journal, and, the minute she had access to a smartphone, her Pinterest, with ideas of her dream wedding. She had every little detail laid out—from the sequins on her dress to the exact shade of the streamers that graced the walls of the venue. It made him roll his eyes at the time, but to see everything actually come to life with the man of his sister’s dreams, it now makes his heart swell with pride.

As Mina interlocks with her fingers with Chan’s, the audience stands up to watch the newlyweds walk back down the aisle, time seems to slow down for Seungmin. He follows her as she swings her hands with her new husband, her eyes all sparkly as she looks around at all her loved ones. As happy as he is for her, he can’t help but feel the slightest twinge of envy. It sounds bad to say on his sister’s literal wedding day, but he can’t deny it anymore.

Especially not after seeing Y/N again.

But Seungmin knows there’s a time and place for his feelings now, and his sister’s special day is not one of them. So he swallows it down, and, as the attendees follow the couple out to the reception, he gently pushes through the crowd to meet Mina up at the front.

Seeing his sister so happy up close seems to bring back the warmth pooling in his stomach. “You… you look beautiful.” 

Mina sends him a closed-eyed smile, patting Seungmin’s arm with her free hand. “Thank you. And thank you for being here.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it.” 

As Mina looks up at Seungmin, she can’t help but feel a sense of pride at how grown up her baby brother seemed to be and how much he had changed compared to his high school self. 

Mina’s smile grew wider as did Seungmin’s, “I’m really proud of you, by the way,” 

Seungmin feels his cheeks heat up and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is meant to be about you,” 

Rolling her eyes, Mina chuckles. “It is, but it doesn’t mean I can’t praise my baby brother does it?” 

Seungmin’s eyes furrow together partly because of the question, but also because of the baby brother. “I’m not a baby.” 

Shaking her head, she gazes at her new husband quickly before looking back at Seungmin. “I don’t know. Your new brother-in-law would say otherwise.”

“That’s because he’s like 100 years old and everyone is baby to him,” Seungmin mutters, rolling his eyes. Mina slaps his arm, narrowing her eyes at her younger brother. 

“He’s 26, don’t be dramatic.” 

“My point still stands,” Seungmin continues to mutter, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. 

Seungmin lets out a silent sigh as his eyes flicker around the room. His shoulders dropping slightly when he can’t seem to find the person he;s looking for: you. 

“Why the long face?” Mina asks, “Looking for someone?” 

Seungmin nods silently, his eyes still checking around the room for you. 

“For Y/N?” Mina questions. 

Seungmin clears his throat, his ears feeling the heat. 

“Maybe…” 

“Oh…” Mina’s voice drops. “You just missed her. She caught me just a minute ago and said she wasn’t feeling good. she just congratulated me and left.” 

Seungmin’s shoulders drop and he does his best to smile at Mina. 

Mina smiles wider, in hopes of calming him, maybe even giving him some hope. “You could go ask Gwen? She’s sharing a room with her anyway, so i’m sure she’ll know more than I do.” 

Seungmin nods quickly, a hopeful smile indeed covering his face. 

When his eyes focus on Mina again, she’s already looking over her shoulder, lovingly gazing at Chan as he’s chatting with Felix and another blonde that Seungmin didn’t know the name of. 

“I don’t want to keep you,” Seungmin pats Mina’s shoulder. “Get back over to the love of your life.” 

Mina’s grin widens at the words love of your life as she nods. Seungmin could practically see the hearts floating above her head. 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Seungmin laughs and Mina just hums before she parts from Seungmin and wraps her arms around Chan’s waist when she gets close to him. Seungmin watches as Chan turns to her, his own dopey smile on his lips as he places a kiss on her hairline. 

After a moment, Seungmin inhales deeply and his eyes scan the room for his new target, Gwen. She was honestly pretty easy to find, especially when she had the loud-mouth Jisung by her side–constantly. 

When he sets his sights on Gwen and Jisung, Gwen is leant up against the wall and Jisung is basically hopping in place beside her. A concerned frown is etched into Gwen’s face and Jisung is doing his best, albeit not very well, to cheer her up. 

“Gwen, Jisung!” Seungmin calls out as he soon stops in front of them. 

Gwen stands instantly, her concerned frown now in a forced smile. “Seungmin, what’s up?” 

“Mina told me Y/N left, do you know where she went? 

Gwen’s face fell as she turned to look at Jisung. Jisung rubs the back of his neck. 

“She left, she’s catching a train back to the city…” Jisung explains. 

Gulping, Seungmin nods his head slowly. 

“If you go now, you might be able to catch her, but you have to be quick.” 

Seungmin perks up and nods his head quickly. The hopeful smile soon appearing back on his face. “Thank you.” 

Gwen takes a deep breath and slips her hand into Jisung’s and squeezes it lightly. 

“Do you think he’ll get there in time?” Gwen asks, her eyes lingering on the space where Seungmin once was.

Jisung squeezes her hand back, “we can only hope.” 

“Yeah, lets hope.” Gwen slips her hand away from jisung’s grasp and makes her way back into the crowd. Leaving Jisung alone, staring at her with a small frown on his face and his heart missing the warmth of her hand.

Seungmin gasps for breath as he rushes out of the lobby of the hotel. Resting his hands on his knees, he frantically looks around to try and find a sign of you. However, no matter where he looked nothing seemed to appear. 

Feeling the vibrations from his phone in his pocket. He fishes it out and a text alert from Mina appears on his screen. 

Annoying Sister: 5:01 pm

She’s at central station, it leaves in an hour… Good Luck!

Seungmin smiles to himself. It’s the exact sign he needs to keep going.

→→

The small ding comes from your phone as it confirms the payment for your train ticket. Slipping it into your pocket, you smile sheepishly at the ticket attendant and take the printed-out tickets from his hands. 

With a small thank you, you take your suitcase and let it trail behind you as you slowly start to make your way over to an electronic sign board to look to see which platform your train would be leaving from. 

You were lucky enough to only have to catch one train back to the main city and from that station, you could easily catch the bus back to your apartment. Sure, it would be a long journey, especially by train, but you’d rather that than have to potentially face another awkward encounter with Seungmin after everything that had happened that morning. 

Stepping up onto the platform, you find an empty seat and pull out your phone frowning at the notifications on your lock screen. 

Gwen<3: 5:15 pm

Are you sure you want to leave? You can still ride with us in the morning…

y/nnie: 5:45 pm

Yeah, It would be best. I just don’t know if I could cope with facing him again.

Gwen<3: 5:46 pm

Okay:/ just make sure to get home safe okay? 

Angling your phone up, you try to smile as you take a quick selfie to send to her. Not really caring what it looked like, you hit send and exit out of the messages app. Pulling up the gram, you scroll through your feed, randomly liking pictures posted by the few idols you liked, the random meme pages you followed and even some distance friends you had from school that you never bothered to unfollow. 

You pause, however, when a photo of Mina and Chan appears on your timeline. In the photo, they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, loved-up dopey grins spread so wide across their faces that it reached their eyes. The caption reads three cheers for true love, and your heart can’t help but strain. 

You couldn’t help but think of Seungmin and regret– not the time you spent together, but how you spent it together. It was like a moment, and it passed by so quickly without you even stopping to think about it. How, in the beginning, you didn’t want to face him, but you found yourself getting caught up with him the moment he set his sights on you. 

You wished you could go back, but it was too late. It was too late to change what had happened. You wished you could live in this fantasy of the weekend forever. You wished you could stay beside him and lay in his arms forever. 

But the moment you would step foot on the train, everything would go back to the way it was– like nothing ever happened. There would be no Seungmin, there would be another weekend of laying in his arms and enveloping yourself in his being. 

It would go back to the daily torture of university and job searching. You would go back to wishing that you and Seungmin could be more than whatever you were. 

Wishing you could go back and relive the weekend.

Seungmin’s leg bounces up and down anxiously as he’s sat in the back of the taxi cab. Silently praying that the damn driver would just hurry up already. Cursing him out mentally for not realising how much of an emergency this was and how bad Seungmin needed to get to the train station. 

All luck seems to turn on Seungmin apparently when the cab comes to a sudden halt and a choir of car horns ring out around him– including the one from the cab he’s in. 

Leaning forward, he peers through the front window. “What’s going on?” 

“I dunno,” the driver shrugs, tapping on his steering wheel. “Traffic jam or something.” 

“How far away are we from the train station?” 

The driver looks back at him with an odd look on his face, but speaks when he sees how frantic Seungmin is. “Like ten minutes if you run?” 

Digging cash out of his wallet, Seungmin throws it at the driver before hopping out of the car at lightning speed and a keep the change falling from his lips. Ignoring the way the driver is calling after him, Seungmin is too focused on running through the packed-up street. His deep breath and the sounds of his hands hitting cars as he’s sliding through the gaps to get onto the sidewalk fill his ears. 

Seungmin is sure he’s never ran so fast in his life, but as the train station comes into view, it only pushes him to run faster. 

He pushes through the crowds of people and up to a ticket guard, his words spewing out of his mouth with little care. He haphazardly pays, grabs the tickets and runs over to the signboard.

When he finds your platform on the map, all he can do is hope he gets there on time. 

Your eyes linger on the signboard overhead of the platform as the minutes until your train arrives slowly tick away. A sudden dread fills your stomach and it’s like your body is screaming at you not to go. 

Your mind and your body still burn with the memories of Seungmin’s touch, How after one night, it was like your body became more dependent– more addicted to his touch than you had ever experienced. 

A bubble got caught in your throat as the overhead announcer called out about the arrival of your train. Your stomach drops.

You’re not ready to go back to normal life. You’re not sure if you’d ever be ready to go back to a life without Seungmin. All of your being was calling out for him– calling out for a sign to stay, for a reason to stay.

But when nothing seems to answer, you round up your bags and watch as the train slows and pulls to a stop in front of you and after a moment or two, the little buttons lit up to show it was now okay to open the train doors. 

The stinging feeling prickles your eyes as you stare at the now-open door. This was it, the return back to reality.

You lift your suitcase onto the train and step on after it. You don’t bother to attempt to wipe away the tears that fall from your eyes, not when the ones you wipe would instantly be replaced. 

A voice you recognise instantly calls out from the platform.

“WAIT!”

Seungmin just barely gets onto the train as the doors close behind him. His face is red and he’s gasping for air. 

“S-Seungmin…” You blink, your mouth agape. “What are you doing here?” 

Once he’s caught his breath, he stands up straight and looks you straight in the eyes. 

“I’m here for you,” he declares. “I’m here to talk to you.” 

You continue to look at him, waiting for him to continue. 

However, before he gets the chance, the train stutters into life, causing you to fall into Seungmin’s chest, his arms wrapping instantly around you for protection.

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you stare up at him, your heart hammering against your chest. “Say what you were going to say, Min,” 

His gaze on you softens as he takes a deep breath. “I care about you,” he exhales. “A lot.”. 

Humming, you nod. “I care about you too.” 

“No, it’s… it’s more than that.”

Seungmin opens his mouth, closes it and opens it again. It’s like he’s bringing up all of the courage he needs to say what’s really on his mind. Especially when it was too late to back out now– not that he even wanted to.

He wanted to say everything he had to say, he was going to say it.

"I've been waking up daily for the past three years wishing I could take back what I said, wishing I could take back everything. But then you were at the wedding and it was like a chance to spend time with you, to relive and to act like we were back then. It was like I was given a chance to make things right by some creature above.” Seungmin pauses, he brings up his hand to lightly brush some of your hair out of your face. 

“Min…” You start, but he shakes his head before you can even continue. 

“Wait, let me finish first?” Seungmin says as more of a question than a statement. You just nod, a small smile playing on your lips.

“I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't just a moment between us. It wasn't just a moment back then, either, and I was so stupid for running and hiding, calling it a passing moment when I knew fully well that it wasn't. It never was and it never will be. Please just… let me prove it to you.” 

You feel your heart quicken in pace as he continues his speech. His eyes are so full of love and sincerity that you don’t know how to cope. 

What Seungmin didn’t seem to know was he already had your heart, he had it ever since your senior year. 

After everything, he still meant everything.

“I was an idiotic teenager who didn't know how to face or even acknowledge what I wanted. I can't go back and change that and I’ll forever regret how I made you feel back then, but I know now I don't want to make that same mistake again, I don't want to lose my chance to be with you again. So please, can we start over?” 

His hands rest on your cheeks, making sure you’re staring into his eyes as he says his next words:

“Because Y/N, I don't just want you for tonight or for the weekend… I want you forever. ”

[amndmirk]

bestie drop the Kris & Ralsei relationship rant and why there's less fandom reception for them because of archetypes. the ppl want to know.

its. ugh

im not tidying it up, ill be putting it off forever (haha krals quest reference. VIBE CHECK)

so, deltarune community, i introduce to you, a half-assed 3AM rant about kris and ralsei.

transcription below, sidebar screenshots, tldr and everything. uh, i recommend reading the post

while i still cannot pass out i figured out what bothers me about the way theyre presented and why platonic kralsei is such a craving that has no material in the fandom to work with whatsoever

we know the susie relationships. everyone cherishes kris and susies friendship. id say it comes first if anything. people vaguely appreciate her and ralsei as well - we had plenty of hangout opportunities for the two, there are even two or three comics about ralsei and his beef with her. friendship content. dynamic exploring

kris and ralsei presentation however includes but is not limited to: dry interaction (choose your flavour: kris/kris as player projection aka the thing everyone did with ch1 ralsei cutesy content), dry interaction 2.0 aka The Sillies/ralsei as sole background commenter in goofyass situations/the normal dude (may or may not include in-game shit), kris' resentment of ralsei (at least theyre getting creative), and finally mushy romantic couple shit and sugarcoating tropes

vc: and you could excuse that with a "oh, well but we dont know anything about ralseis backstory" yet we hardly know anything about susies either. we only theorise of her past related to adoption, being homeless, insert other determinators based material. we factually know very little of her, yet susie has established friendships with both kris and ralsei, even well-written fan content with noelle that is not limited by surface romance but rather the exploration of their dynamic, friends first, partners - second.

as in for either of them being morally gray? susie has no problems with that and i love her, we love her, the_newest_girl sweepstakes log hasnt changed anything. i do have a theory on how that could affect ralsei, though. might contemplate on that.

so susie has all that. kris, their nature still unknown to most, but overall sympathetic with a shade of gray morality (HEEEELLL YEAAA) has the similar spectrum. kris has all that.

with them and ralsei though? its like. not a single plate of them as a dynamic. as actual friends

and honestly its no wonder kralsei is getting rejected from lightner ship/old darkner ship communities

we present no base. no fundamental understanding or interpretation of them

...though i wish id browse through deltarune tag more legitimately and take samples every time i see kris and ralsei on-screen to have a list of categories for each interaction to sort them like legos by shapes and colours.

there was one.ONE comic of them that kept the hopes up. this is why kralsei is stayin alive. that, and tunas scarf thingy. our icon (shhhh hes seepy)

i, uh, dont have a conclusion. i remember writing it because i wish we actually came up with who they are. wish that even they had conflicts and resolutions, similarities and differences, like any other dynamic in the fanon, having multiple headcanons and interpretations.

i just wish we gave them a chance to be friends.

[steddie-island]

Forever Yours (Faithfully)

Part 3 of Fuck His Dad WC: 3,020 | Rating: E | CW: Mention of minor character illness (Wayne was sick but he got better I promise!) Tags: Steve is Dustin's Dad, Age Gap, Modern AU, No upside-down AU, Top Steve Harrington, Bottom Eddie Munson (tagged that way for the fic but they're verse in everything I write them in tbh), Fluff, Sex that was supposed to be filthy but just gets so soft (and then a little filthy) Shoutout to @rozzieroos for helping me through my men's engagement ring frustrations (why do they all look like just wedding bands???) and for planting the idea for what I wanted to do for Eddie instead.

Teaser below the cut, but read the full thing on ao3.

Truthfully, Eddie hadn’t expected that they would make it to a year. He loved Steve, but with past relationships… they just hadn’t had staying power. His longest relationship before Steve had only lasted for four and a half months. It had been nice, but it hadn’t been love for either of them. 

This was different. Steve was different. Eddie spent most of his nights here now that Dustin had officially moved out and was living on campus. He had a two drawers, a side of the bed, and room in Steve’s closet for some of his clothes. 

It was just so easy , and he was happy. 

And Steve wasn’t getting tired of him. Steve still wanted him around. Not just for sex, either– though that was still very much happening, every chance they got. But now they had nursed each other through colds, they’d had their first fight and gotten through it in one piece. When Wayne fell sick and it had been touch and go for two weeks, Steve wasn’t just there for Eddie. Steve was there for Wayne, holding his hand and talking to him, reading to him when Wayne insisted Eddie go back to class so he could have something else to focus his mind on for a little while. And when, at the end of the two weeks, Wayne was cleared to go home, Steve had Dustin help him add a ramp to Wayne’s porch, so he could get into the house with his new chair. 

So it hadn’t been expected, making it this far, but Eddie was beyond grateful that they had. 

By the time the big day rolled around, he was ready. It had taken weeks of planning, had taken help from both Robin and from Dustin, for it to all come down to this: Eddie was in his best ( i.e. only ) suit–complete with an actual tie. Dinner was finished (thanks to Robin) and just waiting to be plated up. A bottle of fancy wine (also picked up by Robin) sat chilling next to the bouquet of deep red roses that Eddie himself had picked out. He wasn’t a rose guy, but roses were romantic, and Steve liked romance. And Eddie? Eddie loved Steve. 

He’d thought about a big, intricate dinner at a restaurant, but that wasn’t who they were. Sure, they could do fancy dinners on the town, those were fun. But Eddie liked it best when they were here, when it was just their family, when he was wearing Steve’s old yellow sweater and Steve was wearing a Hellfire shirt – which he had totally earned by staying away from their games, just like Dustin had made them promise. And anyway they were his rules, it didn’t matter whether Dustin thought it was cheating or not, damn!

Outside, the sound of a car door slamming cut through the air. Eddie hurried to set the plates on the table, to get the wine poured, to make sure not a single candle had gone out in the thirty seconds since he’d last checked. He could hear Steve’s feet on the stoop, heard the key in the lock. 

He picked up the bouquet of roses, tucked a loose curl behind his ear, and he waited. 

Steve’s hands had never trembled like this before– it took three tries to get the key into the lock before he could actually go inside. Dustin and Robin both assured him he didn’t need to be so nervous, but it was easy for them to say that. They weren’t the ones taking a step off of the edge, putting it all out there only to maybe ruin one of the best things that had ever happened to him. 

Once he was inside it took even more time than usual to get his bag from around his shoulders, to get his blazer hung up. He turned– and stopped. The lights were off, and the dining room glowed instead with candlelight. They were all around the space, on every available surface. And Eddie stood in the middle of it all, lit up and looking more beautiful than Steve had ever seen him before. “Happy anniversary.” Eddie’s smile was nervous. Steve didn’t gamble often, but he would bet almost anything that Eddie’s hair was pulled back so he couldn’t use it to hide that beautiful face. “I’m sorry it’s not more, I wasn’t sure if you would want to go out– or if you would even want to do anything, I know you’ve had a long day at school and–” “Eddie.” Steve shook his head and rested a finger over those pink lips. “Breathe for me, sweetheart.” Eddie’s smile softened, and he took an exaggerated breath, let his chest fill with air before releasing it slowly. “Sorry.” “This is… perfect. You did this for me?” “Robin and Dustin helped,” he admitted. “I wanted everything to look nice for you. These are for you, too.” He held the bouquet out and Steve felt his heart thump in his chest. Maybe he would’ve been less nervous, too, if he’d had any insight at all about what Eddie was planning. He smiled and went in for a kiss that was soft and sweet. 

“C’mon. Dinner’s getting cold.” Eddie stepped back so he could pull Steve’s chair out for him.