#I completely understand why she feels betrayed by Lucia

[thatoneluckybee]

...WELL THEN

KIRSI BABY NO

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

White Lies (Pt. 11 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

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{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

×

Guilt

The first feeling to wash over him when he opens his eyes is bliss. Pure, and utter bliss, a kind of happiness he didn't even know existed. Seeing (Y/N) peacefully sleeping on his chest is more than he deserves... And that's when it kicks in, and the joy is corrupted, overcome by guilt.

He can't believe what he did. He betrayed her on a whole other level. This isn't fair to her, not when she believes they're married. He's too buried in this lie, and last night, he did the only thing he never thought he'd do.

But how could he not? He's in love with her, he wants to be the father of her child, and there are times, and they come more often every passing day, that he's completely overcome by the fake life he's living. There are moments where Keanu is her husband. The lines are so blurry right now that he can't separate things. He can't tell the difference anymore.

Running a hand through his hair, looking at the ceiling, he smiles as she moves a little in her sleep, snuggling closer to him, a warm hand on his bare chest. (Y/N) is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. And everything drives him in. Her voice, her smile, her laughter. The way she walks, the way she talks to her unborn child when she thinks he's not listening.

He tried. He really did, but look how much he failed.

All this had an expiration date. And in the very beginning, he couldn't wait for that day. When she would remember and would go on with her life, picking it up where she left it, and forget about him. But with time, things changed. And now, he knows he can keep this up forever. (Y/N) won't remember, and Keanu can make this real. Fake the papers, he knows people who could do it. She'd be his wife.

But his love is too strong to do such a thing. He can't bring himself to do this. He has to tell her, everything. The lie, the reason, and explain it wasn't his idea. He also needs to tell her about his feelings, because they're the only real thing in this mess. And if the heavens listen to his prayers, if some kind of miracle happens, maybe, just maybe, she'd still love him. Marry him, for real this time.

Keanu could only hope. The pregnancy is not at risk anymore, and despite the doctors saying he should still keep the act, Dr. Harris assured him (Y/N) is strong enough now. And he has to tell her. And so he will. He just needs some time away from all this, away from this place, to enjoy this while he still can because he knows how insane it is. That the chances are she'll go to Argentina with her mother-in-law, and he'll never see her again. And if that really happens, he won't blame her.

Because after everything he did, for taking her as if she was his last night, he doesn't deserve this bliss. But he wants it, and he can't bring himself to end this without some more time with her. Something he will remember and cherish for the rest of this life if this is bound to break.

The morning light is what welcomes you back to consciousness. Closing your eyes tight before opening them up, you take a deep breath. The air is cold, you can feel it on your bare shoulders, but the warmth coming from Keanu keeps you from complaining. The first thing you remember is what happened last night, and your cheeks go red. Smiling a little, you softly caress Keanu's chest with your thumb, not sure if he's awake yet.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He says, and your smile only gets brighter. You love the pet name.

“Morning.” Pushing yourself up with your elbows, you place a kiss on his chest, right on his heart, then on his collarbone before finally reaching his lips. “Did you sleep well?” The question was supposed to be simple, but the smirk comes from somewhere inside you and you're sure it just changed the intonation of the thing.

“Very well.” He mutters, a hand coming to caress your cheek. Keanu sounds weird, a weight on his voice.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you let yourself sink back to bed, lying beside him. “Did I... Did I do something wrong last night?” You can't help but ask, the euphoria vanishing quickly as you try to understand why he seems so... Sad.

“Of course not.” Turning on his side and encircling your waist with a strong arm, pulling you closer, he shakes his head lightly. “It was amazing. You were amazing.”

“Then what's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, sweetheart. Everything is so perfect that it looks like a dream.” As he speaks, you move closer, feeling as his hand rubs the small of your back.

“Uhm... I think–” The doorbell cuts you off. “Who could that be?” It sounds like a whine.

“Lucia.”

“What?” Moving away from him, you sit up. “What is she doing here?”

“She came to visit you.”

“Oh...” Who could blame you for forgetting she was coming today? You're not a fan of her, and what's going on here is far better. “Can't we just–” The cold air on your torso makes you pull the sheets to shield your body, trying really hard not to let Keanu notice how red you must be. “Can't we just pretend we're not here and stay the whole day in bed?” You're not even done speaking when the doorbells rings again.

“She already dislikes me, if you don't show up, it'll make it even worse.” Sitting up, he pulls you into a kiss. “I'll dress up and open the door for her. Go take a shower. I'll make you something to eat.”

“Alright.” Sighing, you purposely climb past him to get off the bed. Keanu gives you a look, that you choose to ignore, pulling the sheets with you as you move to the bathroom.

“One more thing.” He calls out, right before you close the bathroom door shut.

“What?”

“You don't need to cover up. You're beautiful.”

Moving to the side so the door will hide your face, you bite your lip. “Thanks, babe.” You manage to push out, closing the door.

Once you're done washing yourself, you put your hair up on a ponytail and a light blue dress. Taking one of Keanu's hoodies to protect you from the coat, you move downstairs, and the only reason why you're smiling is because you smell of bacon. It was the first breakfast Keanu made you, and it feels kinda nostalgic. It is one of the oldest memories you have.

“(Y/N),” Lucia calls as you're making your way to the kitchen. Keanu looks over his shoulder, and you give him a forced smile before turning on your heels and moving to the living room. “I missed you so much!” Lucia pulls you into a hug.

“Hi, Lucia. How's everything?” You don't like Lucia. And Lucia doesn't like your husband. And Keanu, being a gentleman, won't admit he can't stand her, but you know that's how he feels.

“I'm great. Tell me about you.” You both move to the couch, taking a seat. “How's the baby? Have you come up with a name yet?”

“We're still thinking... But we agreed on not telling people until we know for sure.” Deciding to just let it out before she asks, you try not to let her notice you feel a little uncomfortable when she touches your belly.

“Have you... Have you considered Daniel?” Lucia asks, her voice breaking a little. Shrugging your shoulders, you shake your head no. “D-doesn't this name mean anything to you?”

Obviously not. But you won't be a bitch about it. “No, it doesn't.”

“Alright.” She mumbles, clearing her throat. “So, how's this little one?”

“He's great.” You say, a hand coming to your belly.

“Or she,” Keanu adds, and you roll your eyes.

“Quit spying on me, babe.” You raise your voice, and there's only a low giggle in response.

“Is he spying on you?” Despite the clear joking tone you had, Lucia sounds... Genuinely worried.

Chuckling at her expression, you sigh. “We're just joking around, Lucia.”

“Honey...” She takes both your hands on hers, as she does right before telling you how you can trust her if Keanu does anything. It's quite tiring, actually. She can't seem to understand he's a good person. Maybe it's the age thing... But that's not her business.

“I know what you'll say, Mrs. Davis, and I assure you there's nothing to worry about. Keanu is a gentleman, he hasn't pushed me into anything.” You don't want to talk to her about that, but you don't have a choice. Every time this happens, you just hope to say the right thing to make her let it go. “Everything we've done was because I was ready.”

“What do you mean by everything you've done?” Her tone changes suddenly, a lot harsher than before, and her hands squeeze yours.

You weren't talking about that... And you didn't think that was exactly where her mind would float too. “Mrs. Davis, this is between me and Keanu.”

She giggles, fake and loud, and in a sudden motion, Lucia gets up, walking fast to the kitchen. “What did you do to her?” She's already yelling when you finally reach the kitchen, a finger on Keanu's face.

“Mrs. Davis, I–” He starts, but you won't let him do this. Lucia was your mother's ‘friend’, or so she says, and you won't let her put Keanu in this position.

“What do you think you're doing?” Moving to stand between him and Lucia, you raise her voice above hers. “What gives you the right to come to my house, put your nose in my life, and yell at my husband?” Being rude wasn't the intention, but you're suddenly angry. Blame it on the hormones, blame it on the fact that you don't like Lucia at all, or on the fact that she ruined a perfectly good morning.

“Am I supposed to smile and nod when you go around letting him have you?” Her disgusted tone takes you by surprise. Why is she talking like this? What's wrong with this woman?

“My private life is not your business, and if you haven't been paying attention, Keanu is my husband.” Stepping forward, you stare into her eyes. “And I won't have you talking like this.”

Lucia laughs, pacing around a little, a hand covering her mouth as if you just told a joke.

“This man is not–”

“That's enough.” Keanu suddenly shouts, and it startles both of you. You never heard him yelling, and that's completely new. “I won't let you speak like that in my house. I know you're important to (Y/N), but the only thing I won't allow is you ruining her progress. If you keep this up, I'll have to let her doctor know about your behavior around his patient.”

After his thunder voice is gone, you're left in silence. Deep, uncomfortable, tense silence. Lucia seems to be broken though, her face dropped, and both her arms rest on the sides of her body. “I think you should leave now, Mrs. Davis.” You say in a low voice.

She nods, eyes on Keanu. “You'll pay for what you're doing.” Is the last thing she says before storming away, taking her purse and leaving the house, pulling the front door so violently you wonder if she broke something.

Running a hand through your hair, you take a deep breath, turning at Keanu. “What the hell was that?” You mutter, still trying to understand that just happened.

“Are you alright?” He comes closer, and you immediately collapse on his chest.

“I'm alright. She's a bitch.”

“Don't think about it. Let's eat.”

Nodding, you wash yesterday's dishes as he finishes breakfast, and you both sit down to eat. Power is back, thankfully, so you decide to watch some TV as he showers. Laura calls, and you invite her over for dinner. Keanu will have a co-worker, so you'll just need to add another plate. And, after all this, you need to talk to someone.

You're skipping through the channels when Keanu comes back downstairs, and when he settles down next to you, you immediately snuggle closer, until you're pretty much lying down, and you're the little spoon, back pressed against his chest.

“I invited Laura for dinner.” You tell him, still looking for something to watch.

“Are you planning on setting her up with Robert?”

“Is Robert single?” You didn't have this in mind, but now you do.

“He is.”

“Then I'm setting her up with Robert.” You quickly make your mind, carefully turning around on the couch so you're facing Keanu. “I'm sorry, by the way. I didn't think Lucia would explode like that.”

“It's alright, beautiful.” He smiles, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I was thinking... We should take a trip. Two weeks and only if your doctors say it's alright, of course. Just so we could stay away from all this for a while.”

Smiling, you peck his lips. “I'd love that. Could we go to the beach?”

“Wherever you want, sweetheart.”

“Will it... Will it be like a second honeymoon?” You can't remember the first, but you figure it's no good to bring this up now.

Keanu giggles, caressing your chin with his thumb and index finger. “Anything you want.”

“Well, I'll need a new bikini because these two won't feet on the one I have.” You gesture at your breasts, still growing a little. “I could call Laura and we could go shopping.”

“Let me talk to the doctors first. Because there's no way I'm taking you away if they think it will be dangerous.” Keanu reminds you, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright, sir.” Moving on the couch, you start climbing on him, until you're straddling his hips. “But one day I'll be one hundred percent fine. And this won't be a problem anymore.”

“Of course.”

“So... Did you lock the front door?” You ask, placing both your hands on his chest.

“I did. Why?” When you don't answer, but just smiles and sits up, arms around your waist as he captures your lips on a kiss.

• • •

Laura has a perplexed expression on her face as you tell about Lucia. You don't mean to gossip, but Laura is pretty much your best friend, and you need someone from outside to help you understand what the hell happened. Seated on the downstairs balcony, you cross your arms, leg bouncing as you let out the whole story.

“That's crazy.” Laura bursts out. “I get it that you're important to her and everything, but you're an adult, even though you lost your memory. And you have the right to make your own decisions.”

“Thank you.” You breathe out, throwing a hand in the air. “She snapped out of nowhere. And the way she spoke to Keanu? God, I almost considered slapping her in the face.” This makes you giggle, and so does Laura.

“Look, I was... Quite unsure of this in the beginning. But I wanted you to figure things out on your own, and let you know I was there if something happened.” That's true. Laura is always around, and, if anything backfired, if something bad happened between you and Keanu, she'd be the first person you'd call for help. “And with time, I saw that you were doing fine. And I know you love him, and he loves you. I'm sure because I spoke to him myself.” With a sassy smile, she leans back, resting against the chair.

“You did what?”

“I spoke to him.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Nothing matters to me. The age difference, the memory loss, it doesn't matter. The important thing is the feeling. So yes, I called him and had a long conversation about you, and I'm convinced that man in there loves you more than anything. You and this baby.”

Laura sounds so damn sure it brings tears to your eyes. Covering your face with both hands, you start crying. “Stupid hormones!” You exclaim, body shaking with the sobs.

“Oh, (Y/N).” She gets up and hugs you, bending down a little. “I didn't mean to make you cry.”

“It's from happiness, so don't worry.” Calming down, you take a deep breath as she pulls a nearby chair and sits next to you. “Anyway... I'm setting you up with Robert tonight. Keanu's friend and co-worker.” You mutter, wiping the tears away. “So let me know if you like him or not, alright?”

“Alright.” She agrees with an eye roll.

Despite having your mind floating to two different things: you and Keanu, and Lucia's outburst, you manage to enjoy dinner. Robert is kind, and you do think this whole thing with him and Laura could work out.

But in the next days, what you really want to know it about the trip. Things have been getting even better between you and Keanu, you're growing a lot closer now that you're both living like a married couple. And going somewhere else with him would be absolutely amazing. At first, Dr. Wright says it's alright, but some exams will be needed to see if it would be safe. Dr. Harris on the other hand said that you're ready. Your mind is ready, and you hope with all your heart that your body is too.

It takes too many days for Dr. Wright and the others to finally allow you to go. But only for two weeks, and whatever you'll be staying, it has to be near a hospital, just in case. Keanu said something about having a helicopter ready to take you back to New York if something happens, but you don't want to believe he'd do such a thing.

But when you're getting inside the plane, heading to Miami, you're cheerful. You're determined to make this trip amazing, for both of you. This is a mark, a rite of passage. From this day on, you'll forget what happened, you'll forget that you lost something. You can either suffer for the rest of your life for everything you lost or enjoy what you have. And you'll enjoy it because what you have right now is wonderful.

×

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x01- Previously on...

Welcome back!! I’m so excited to be writing one of these again. I think this hiatus has been the longest I’ve gone without new Diane Lockhart content in ten years, and it sure feels like it. A lot of important stuff has happened in the time since TGF season four ended (not concluded—ended). Most notably, CBS All Access became Paramount+ and suddenly started offering a lot of content I care about! I kid. 2020 was quite an eventful year, so I was curious how television’s most topical show was going to take it on. TGF is always forward-looking, but too much happened in 2020 to be ignored. And while I didn’t think TGF would have much to say about the pandemic, it seemed impossible to imagine a season five that pretended it never happened. Going into this premiere, I was expecting that they’d either skip COVID entirely or include very few references, but after seeing this episode, I feel like the writers took the only approach that made sense. And that is why they are the writers, and I'm just some girl on the internet who writes recaps.  

Anyway, before I dive into the episode, I should also note that my pandemic boredom spurred me to actually pay $30 to watch this episode early as part of the virtual ATX Festival. Yes, I paid $30 on top of the money I spend every month on Paramount+ for this show. But I write tens of thousands of words about each TGF episode—are my priorities really that surprising? I note this not to brag or even to poke fun at myself, but because watching the episode before I knew a single thing about it (not even the title!) completely changed my viewing experience. I’ve never had an experience like this with TGW or TGF. I’m one to search for critics tweeting cryptically about screeners and refresh sites looking for background extras (haven’t done this in the TGF era, though) and read every single piece of press I can find. For any big episode, I usually know the outline of what to expect going in (I even knew about Will before the episode aired in the US!). Not this one! So, I got to be surprised, and I had to—gasp—formulate my own opinions before I knew what anyone else thought! It was really pleasant, actually. I think the structure of the episode worked extremely well for me because it caught me by surprise... and also because I’m the kind of person who somehow managed to write a college paper about Previously On sequences.

I see Tumblr has made it so that “keep reading” expands the post in your dash instead of opening a new tab. I absolutely hate this. Here is a link to the post you can click instead of the keep reading button! 

The ATX stream started mid-sentence, meaning I missed the “Previously On... 2020...” title card and skipped right to Adrian saying “I’m retiring.” It was pretty easy to pick up on the device (the directness of the scenes at the start, their cadence, and their placement in the episode made it clear this was meant to mimic a Previously) but the second title card hit way harder because... well, I had no idea if this was meant to be 2020 or some moment outside of real time until a bit later in the episode.  

Man, before I get any farther into this, two things that I don’t know where else to put. First, this episode had to cover so much ground. They had to write out both Adrian and Lucca—more on that later--, figure out how to deal with all of 2020, figure out how to either wrap up or continue all the truncated season 4 plotlines, and set the stage for a new season... in 50 minutes.  

Second, just wanna shout out the Kings’ other Paramout+ show, Evil, which you should absolutely be watching even if you hate horror. Evil is a Kings show, so it is unsurprisingly topical (sometimes evil takes the form of racism or misogyny or Scott Rudin) and at times very, very funny. I would be recapping it if Paramount+ weren’t attacking me personally by airing it at the same time as TGF. Ever hear of too much of a good thing, people?! (On that note, I am VERY upset with myself for not having made a Good vs Evil joke about the Good shows and Evil. I didn’t even think about it until Robert King made the joke on Twitter, and it was right fucking there. How did I fail so miserably?!)  

So STR Laurie, who wants a 20% downsizing, is still a thing. Noted.

This scene with Landau is the only one in this previously that is actually old footage, right?  

Unexpected Margo Martindale! Yay! (Ruth Eastman is a character who is so much more effective on Fight than she was on Wife and I’m quite glad they’ve had her appear on Fight several times. It kind of redeems season seven. Kind of.)

I don’t think the writers intentionally chose for Adrian’s book deal to be with Simon & Schuster because it is the most politically fraught publisher (the number of stories about controversial memoirs they’ve picked up in 2021 alone...) but I kind of like that Adrian’s Road Not Taken involves S&S. My guess is they chose S&S because it is owned by ViacomCBS.  

“Years ago, I wanted to create a law firm run entirely by women, but it never worked out. So, why not now?” Diane says to Liz. One of the advantages of having twelve (!!!) seasons of Diane Lockhart is that we’ve seen what she’s talking about. And we’ve seen her put this idea forward multiple times, too. I have my reservations about Diane’s brand of feminism, and I’ll say more about how fraught a Diane/Liz firm would be as the show explores the potential issues there, but on the surface I’m kind of excited about the prospect of a Diane/Liz led firm. Diane has wanted this for ages, Liz is a good partner, and this actually makes sense (unlike the nonsensical Diane/Alicia alliance of late season seven, where the only rationale was “well, Alicia needs to betray Diane in the finale, but they’re not on good terms. So maybe we make them business partners so then the betrayal stings more?”). Plus I fully love that Diane would end up running a firm with Alicia’s law school rival.

(Has TGF mentioned that Liz and Alicia were law school rivals? No. Am I still clinging on to that as a large part of Liz’s character? ABSOLUTELY.)

Julius is on trial for Memo 618 reasons; Diane is defending him. So this is still happening. (There’s more old footage here.)  

Do they put these references to one/two party consent in these episodes as a wink at the fans? It has to be intentional. (Please do not ask me what the actual law is on this, this show has thoroughly confused me.)  

I knew Cush was filming stuff for TGF, but I didn’t know it was for the premiere. She was just posting about it a few weeks ago, so either they shot a lot of it right before air or she posted a while after filming. Anyway, yay Lucca!  

Bianca’s still around. And, TGF gets to shoot New York for New York, since Bianca is there. I do wish TGF could do more location shoots; there’s something about seeing an actual skyline that feels more real.  

Bianca wants Lucca, who has never been outside of the country (except to St. Lucia, as Bianca reminds her) to go to London and buy her a resort. It’s supposed to be a three week stay and Bianca’s already arranged childcare. Speaking of children, because of COVID and filming constraints, that’s Cush’s real kid in this scene! You can’t really see him, but I recognized his curly hair from Cush’s Instagram, and the Kings confirmed in an interview.  

Adrian wants to write a book about police brutality cases he’s worked on. Ruth very much does not want him to write that book. She wants him to write a book without substance about how white people and black people can work together. He, understandably, has no interest in writing this book. (Also, you can see in the background that Ruth doesn’t think Biden’s odds of winning the Democratic primary are good—there is a big down arrow next to his picture, which definitely dates this scene.)

Oh, David Lee is in this episode. He acts like an asshole towards Marissa when she’s trying to help him.  

Marissa, not happy with the lack of respect, calls Lucca for advice ��for a friend.” Lucca mentions she’s in London and Marissa does not believe her and keeps going on and on about her frustrations and her new desire to become a lawyer—quickly.  

Marissa wanting to become a lawyer because she “hates being talked down to” is not a plot I would’ve expected but it’s also one that makes a lot of sense. I think Marissa’s used to being respected and praised even when she’s doing things that aren’t glamorous, so I see how she’d get very restless when she’s no longer outperforming expectations and is instead taken for granted.  

Bells toll in the background on Lucca’s side and Marissa asks where she is. Lucca again notes she’s in London and Marissa still doesn’t believe her.

I’m going to miss Lucca so much, especially since we’ll also be losing a lot of the Millennial Friendship scenes with her. Cush is fantastic (even if she never really got enough to do here) and she plays so well off of the rest of the cast. I even sometimes liked the writing for Maia (who?) when she had scenes with Lucca, Lucca is that good.  

Jay wakes up sweating and unable to breathe, so he deliriously calls his father-figure Adrian. This whole scene is shot like something out of Evil and (I’m getting ahead of myself here) this plot is the only thing about this episode I felt was a misstep.  

“I think you’re my father,” Jay says to Adrian. Heh, I didn’t catch this line the first time around (maybe subliminally I did, since I just called Adrian his father figure lol) but I love that it is included here. Adrian and Jay’s relationship definitely deserves a goodbye.

Adrian calls an ambulance and also gets to Jay before the ambulance somehow. Adrian notes that Jay might have “this thing from China” and... we’re doing the pandemic, y’all. (Minor nitpick: on March 13th, 2020, when this scene is dated, COVID was not “this thing from China”-- we were all aware of it. March 11th was the day Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they’d tested positive and the NBA shut down and travel was restricted and every single brand that had my email sent me a message about their plans and measures. March 12th was the last time I was in my office, and we’d been getting emails telling us to wash our hands and prepare to work remotely for weeks. I went to San Francisco in mid-late February and distinctly remember deciding to leave a burrito unattended on a table while I washed my hands because I was paranoid about COVID... and then I remember making a specific trip to Walgreens to buy hand sanitizer so that didn’t happen again. My point is, Adrian lives in the same world I do. On March 13th 2020, he would not be treating COVID like it was some new thing he’d vaguely heard of.)  

(I am going to nitpick this timeline, but please know that I’m only doing it because I can, not because I think it’s necessarily a bad choice. Lines like this do feel a little forced, but I see the reason for introducing COVID as something new rather than going for the line that’s exactly historically accurate. I also am pretty sure there are references to dates in March/April in s4 of TGF that are now going to be contradicted by this episode, but I truly do not care. The writers get a pass on this one.)  

We skip slightly back in time to the beginning of March after the MARCH 13TH title card, or maybe this is supposed to be after March 13th and my own memories are preventing me from believing these face-to-face interactions were happening. Who knows.

Michael Bloomberg is... here, again, I guess? He asks Diane to assist with a Supreme Court case about gun control. I guess it does add some weight to the plot and make the stakes feel higher.  

Oh hey, this case is the 7x17 case!!!! Love that continuity.  

Diane and Adrian are both at the office late, working, and there is an unnecessary split screen that feels even more unnecessary when you consider that the editing alone was enough to create the parallel.  

Diane and Adrian have a nice convo (which I’ll really miss, their dynamic is great and this really feels like a successful partnership) as they wait for the elevator. When the elevator dings, they nearly tumble down into nothingness because... the elevator never came. Apparently this is a reference to an law old show I’ve never seen that killed off a character this way, and it’s meant to be a wink at how they are not going to kill off Adrian.

I do not know why I remember this, but I do: after they killed off Will, a critic (Noel Murray; I just googled to confirm my memory) who didn’t want to spoil things tweeted, “Exactly 23 years and 2 days ago, Rosalind Shays fell down an elevator shaft.” Please tell me why I remember this reference that I didn’t even understand well enough to have tracked down the original tweet in under a minute. (https://twitter.com/NoelMu/status/447942456827326464)  

Back on this show, Diane and Adrian share a drink and talk about their wishes. Diane wants to argue in front of the Supreme Court, and Adrian encourages her to speak up. His own near-death experience motivates him to trash the book Ruth has him writing, and Diane trashes the (bad) legal strategy someone else prepared for the Supreme Court.

DIANE IS WEARING JEANS!!!!!! Tbh, I think my favorite part of this episode is how many slice-of-life scenes and settings we get. These are always my favorite moments. I love the satirical and political stuff too, but the character moments are what get me invested enough to write these. (Yes, Diane in jeans constitutes a character moment.)  

Diane tells Bloomberg she wants to be involved and advocates for herself. Kurt gets a call on their landline (hahaha) from Adrian.

God, I love Diane and Kurt. Not only is their banter fun, you can just see a different, more relaxed side of Diane in these scenes. Diane tells Kurt she has good news for herself, but bad news for him since she’s arguing for gun control. She asks him to help her prep for court, too.  

So this is before Jay is rushed to the hospital, because now we are back at the hospital with Julius, Diane, and Marissa. I do not believe any of these people would be setting foot in a hospital like it’s any other day on March 13th, 2020. But I'm trying not to nitpick.

I get why they chose to give Jay a rather severe case of COVID. I just don’t get literally anything else that follows from the initial shock of Jay having COVID.  

I see why the writers chose March 20th (the actual Illinois stay at home order) as the next date for this timeline. I still do not believe that people were in this particular office on that date.  

You know what else I don’t believe? That RBL just shut down for two weeks and was like, no work is being done. Did law firms really do this? I can believe it if it’s an excuse to cost-cut, and I know there were massive layoffs, but this seems... really weird???  

Why are they setting up a teleconferencing infrastructure (didn’t they have one at LG? In season five?) if they are not planning to do work?  

Lol Diane explains what Zoom is, very slowly. She asks everyone to “download a program called Zoom.com” which is one of the first Zoom jokes I’ve chuckled at in a while.  

Marissa is not happy to hear that there’s no work for her in a work-remote world (this I believe 100%), so she calls Lucca again with more questions about law school.

Love these NYC and London location shots. Wish they could do that for Chicago.

Lucca asks Bianca to help get Marissa into a law school, fast, and Bianca tells Lucca to use her name... then offers her a job.

Marissa is at the office, alone, boxing up her things, when one of the office phones rings with some dude offering her a spot in a law school class. I guess we are really all-in on this! (Why would Lucca have given a firm phone number not specific to Marissa, though?)

Adrian and his corrupt girlfriend decide to shelter in place together. I still do not understand why he is okay with her being corrupt. I also don’t really understand why they’re going from talking about sheltering-in-place to George Floyd. How did we just skip from late March to late May? Are Adrian and corrupt gf having a conversation about sheltering-in-place two months into sheltering in place?  

Okay, I am not doing so good at this no-nitpicking thing. Again, I understand why they need to merge several scenes into one to keep things moving. And I guess they could just be getting around to this conversation.

I’m going to nitpick again, I can’t help myself. How did we just go from a scene of Adrian specifically talking about sheltering in place to a scene of Adrian bursting into a bustling and maskless DNC headquarters room? How!? The only masks in this scene are on TV!! There are like ten people in this scene!  

Anyway, more importantly, Adrian tells Ruth off and screams at her that she needs to listen to him instead of acting like she knows the way forward. He is completely right.  

Why is travel from London closing down in May 2020? Is it because this scene is supposed to be at a different place in the episode? Liz is asking Lucca to come back home from her three week stay in London (which has now lasted three months but travel is just now closing down), and Lucca’s hesitant to come home.

This is all happening via Zoom, btw. Lucca’s in her hotel, Diane and Adrian are at their respective homes, and Liz is in the office. All of this feels right. There is a chat off to the side of the screen where you can see Adrian and the others discussing how to unmute on Zoom. Very real. Though probably not very real in late May 2020. Feels more like April. I am convinced this scene got spliced in later to help the episode flow because everything in this scene (except the TV footage that definitely was added later) feels like it should be happening in the March section.  

Lucca mentions that Bianca offered her a job, and at this point we as viewers know how things are going to go—Lucca's going to end up taking it. Liz types in the Zoom chat that they don’t want to lose Lucca. When Lucca tells them how much Bianca’s offering ($500k/year, go Lucca!), Diane types “Shit.” into the chat. “Shit’s right,” Liz replies. “Yes... What should our counter be?” Diane replies. Lucca is kind enough to point out the messages are not private (again, this feels like March not May) but I think knowing that their reaction to topping $500k is “shit” tells her all she needs to know.  

Diane’s background still says that RBL is a division of STR Laurie. Weird how little we are hearing about the overlords except the 20% staff cut.  

Liz and Adrian chat and decide the only way to keep Lucca is to make her a partner. Which, yeah, if you’d just made her a partner years ago when you told her she was in the running for partner and then offered it to fucking MAIA, maybe she wouldn’t be considering Bianca’s offer. Lucca is definitely one of RBL’s stars, and I don’t think she’s wrong to feel like they don’t value her enough. They treat her well enough to be upset about losing her, but not well enough to have already made her partner and not well enough to actually give her authority (even though she runs a whole department). I’d be pretty unhappy too. It kind of feels sometimes like they take her for granted, and I don’t know that Lucca is one to feel like she owes a company anything. She’s more of an “I’m out for myself” type.  

Madeline and the other partner we’ve seen a few times who isn’t Liz/Diane/Adrian, walk into the office (wearing masks! Which they take off as soon as they enter a room with Liz! Without asking her if she is okay with this! TV logic!) and ask who is replacing Adrian. They think this is a good time to reevaluate having a white name partner of an African American firm, and they are spot on. Liz tries to deflect, noting that Diane is already a name partner and was before Liz even joined, but Madeline and other partner (whose name I really wish they would say so I can stop calling him “other partner”) won’t let up. Their position is that Diane shouldn’t have been made a name partner then—all she did was bring in ChumHum, an account that quickly left the firm. Good point.  

“What is this firm if it’s not African American? It’s just another midsized all-service Midwestern law firm, one of 50,” Madeline argues. The other partner says Liz needs to remove Diane and promote two African Americans to name partner. Liz laughs and asks if they mean themselves. Madeline does not—she's concerned about the number of black associates they’re letting go. Liz heads out, but this conversation is very much ongoing.

And I think it’s a very interesting dilemma! There’s a lot of mileage the writers can get out of this, because I don’t think there’s a right answer or a wrong one. It’s all about what Liz decides she wants the future of the firm to be. If Liz chooses Diane, she might be choosing something that works for her personally or that she thinks is a safer financial bet—but she’ll be choosing to work at a firm that can no longer be thought of as a black firm, and she’ll be choosing to move away from her father’s vision for the firm. And since the plot hinges on what Liz will decide rather than what’s objectively the right path forward, there’s a lot of interesting tension there I can’t wait to see.  

(My favorite thing about Adrian leaving is that Liz will likely get more to do, especially when it comes to managing the firm. Adrian tends to speak up first, but Liz is more than capable of managing without him and I’m so excited to see what she does when her ex-husband isn’t constantly talking over her.)  

Marissa and Lucca video chat with Jay. He’s still in the hospital. One thing that bugs me about how this episode handles COVID is that I never really get the sense that any of the characters are particularly afraid of the virus. Maybe none of them were. But you’d think you’d see a little of that fear, the weird dance of trying to assess others’ comfort levels with masking, etc., in an ep specifically about living through this time. ESPECIALLY since someone they all know and are close to has been hospitalized for MONTHS with this thing! It’s just so weird to go from a scene where people wear masks until they come in contact with other people (when masks matter the most) to a scene of someone in the hospital with COVID.  

And now Jay’s weird hallucinations start as his battery dies on the video chat. I really, truly, hated these hallucinations. I was ready to be done with these from the second they started. They’re weirdly shot, they go on for too long, and they feel like the clunkiest parts of Mind’s Eye when Alicia starts having a debate in her mind about atheism mixed with the (far superior) hospital episode of Evil.  

I don’t have much to say about these hallucinations except that I hated them a lot. When there’s the reveal that Jay is hallucinating a commerical, I almost came around on the hallucinations because that’s kind of funny and inspired. And then several more hallucinations popped up and they had a round table and Jesus got added to the mix and I was like, nope, this is bad in a very uninteresting way. I reject this.  

I feel like the Kings didn’t have much to say about COVID, the actual virus. This episode is definitely more about what the characters’ lives were like during COVID and not the pandemic itself. I think they likely got a lot of their COVID commentary out of their system with their zombie COVID show The Bite (I have not seen The Bite due to it airing on Spectrum On Demand, which I have no way of accessing. Like, I would have to move and then decide to pay for cable in order to watch it.) I also suspect a lot of their commentary on COVID isn’t going to be specific to the virus and is instead going to be about things like mask-wearing and vaccinations becoming political. And, really, that’s just a new variation on talking about polarization... and they’ve been talking about polarization for years.

In fact, they even wrote a whole series about an outbreak of a (space-bug-spread) virus that caused political polarization before Trump was even elected. BrainDead is basically commentary on the pandemic before the pandemic even happened. Soooooo I get why they are more interested in recapping 2020 than in doing a Very Special Episode about themes they’ve been talking about for years. (I still think they would’ve benefitted from at least one character being afraid of getting sick or getting their family sick.)  

There is likely some interesting content in these Jay hallucinations. I hate them so much I cannot find it. You know when you’re just on a completely different wavelength than the writers? This is an example of that.  

Also I’m not a fan of the shadowy directing. I think this is meant to look cooler than it does.  

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely love the “Previously On” device for this episode? It’s such a fun, propulsive way to get through the slog of 2020. Scenes can be short and to the point, and each scene has to do a lot of lifting to fill in the gaps. I think that leads to scenes that are better constructed and telling on lots of levels—where are people when they’re quarantined? Who’s wearing casual clothes and when? What about this scene defines this character’s life at that moment in time?  

Bizarrely, even though this episode is pretty much all plot (this happens! Then that!), I actually found this to be one of the most character-driven episodes TGF has ever done. There’s a lot of story, but most of that story is about how the characters reacted to 2020 rather than overarching plots that will weigh on the rest of the season. This episode covers a lot of ground, but it does it with character moments that resonate.  

Now it’s July and Diane’s prepping to argue in front of the Supreme Court. Kurt’s helping her witness prep and it gets a little personal... and that ends up turning Diane on. Good to see McHart hasn’t lost its spark. (Remember how Kurt cheated on Diane in season 7 of Wife? No, me neither, because that never happened.)  

Corrupt judge is back. Adrian playfully tries to distract her from work. Then he takes a video call from Liz, who updates him on the conversation she had with John (so that’s his name) and Madeline. I guess that part of May was close to July? Anyway, Adrian isn’t surprised to hear that people are upset at the prospect of Diane being one of two name partners.  

Liz is at the office in workout clothes and I love it!

They’re losing 15 black associates (and Adrian and Lucca) and 4 white ones, Liz says. This sounds like a very big problem. (I’d be curious to know what that is as a percentage of the firm and how the racial composition shifts.)

Liz knows it’s not exactly up to her if Diane stays on as name partner (the other partners get a vote, but I think Liz knows she has a lot of sway here). She’s also wondering if Biden could win, and if so, would it be to the firm’s advantage to be black-owned? Interesting.  

“Well. If you’re thinking it, then Diane’s thinking it, too,” Adrian says. He’s right. “White guilt. It runs verrrrry deep on that one, huh?” Ha. He is right about that, too. I actually can’t decide which of these interpretations is correct, because it could be either even though they seem contradictory. (1) Is Adrian saying it with a hint of mockery because he knows Diane will fight for her partnership even as she would say she’s a huge supporter of black businesses? (2) Is he saying it because he knows Diane would have enough white guilt to realize what her presence as a partner means and think through the implications? I think it is, somehow, a combination. I’m interested in this line because this whole dilemma (from Diane’s POV) is something that’s very familiar. Diane’s always been an idealist who will betray her ideals for personal gain. That sounds like an attack, but I mean that as neutrally as I possibly can. There are so many examples of this that this is kind of just a character trait of hers at this point. Usually those ideals are about feminism, but this situation seems closely related.  

Adrian overhears Corrupt GF talking about Julius, Diane, and Memo 618. You would think she would wait to have this conversation until there is no chance of Adrian overhearing, because if Adrian overhears, he might...

... do exactly what he proceeds to do and hop into a car with Diane to give her a heads up. (I think I’m just going to have to accept that the mask usage rule on this episode is “we use masks to show that the characters would wear them, but we don’t want to have scenes where characters are fully masked because that’s annoying.” If that’s not the rule, then why else would Adrian be masked outside... and then take off his mask as soon as he gets into a confined indoor space with Diane?  

Baranski looks ESPECIALLY like Taylor Swift in this scene.  

Adrian tells Diane what he knows. He dug deeper after overhearing Charlotte, so he has even more info. “If you tell me, I will use it,” Diane warns. Adrian knows that, so he takes a moment to decide. And he decides that he cares more about Diane and Julius than about his relationship with a corrupt judge.  

Diane and Julius are masked in court. Visitor and the judge are not. They use masking in a clever way in this scene: Diane uses being masked to her advantage because it means no one can possibly read her lips, so she can use the info Adrian fed her against Charlotte without any fear of spies. Charlotte, who is unmasked, guards her lips with a folder, as the Visitor watches interestedly.  

Diane convinces Charlotte to recuse herself. Charlotte says she’s making a mistake; Diane does not care.  

The new judge is, unfortunately, the idiot who doesn’t know anything about the law. Uh oh.

Charlotte decides she’s done sheltering in place with Adrian. He tries to talk through the conflict, but Charlotte says “You made your choice, Adrian. Julius Cain over me.”

“The choice was about right and wrong, Charlotte,” Adrian tries to explain. I mean, yeah, but if you’re dating a judge who has admitted she’s totally corrupt, didn’t right and wrong go out the window a while ago?

Adrian seems to think the other people involved in the events are bad and Charlotte is good. I am not convinced. I don’t think she’s the big bad, but I don’t think she’s good.  

Charlotte points out that he invaded her privacy. She is right about that. “You said the choice was between right and wrong. Turning over my emails was the choice,” she said. I get her POV. But also, she is corrupt.  

I do not like the way the part of the scene where Adrian physically restrains Charlotte to keep her from leaving is shot. I don’t think this is an abusive scene but I think it should’ve been shot from a little farther back so we could see it’s more like Adrian reaching out in desperation than trying to choke Charlotte. Because it very much looks like he is trying to choke Charlotte.  

He tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it’s too late and leaves. “Maybe you won’t be with me. But you keep down this path... you’ll be done, I’m telling you, you’ll be done.”

I think something that I’ve been missing in these interactions is that I didn’t quite realize until this scene that the Adrian/Charlotte dynamic is more interesting than Adrian liking a corrupt judge. I think he truly believes Charlotte is a good person who got caught up in some bad stuff, and that she can bounce back from it. I’ve always seen Charlotte as someone who is corrupt for herself and then ended up going along with the corruption of others, too, so I’ve dismissed her and the relationship. This is the first scene that has felt real to me, and the first scene where she’s felt like more than a caricature. Kind of sad it’s the last she’ll get with Adrian—now I’m actually starting to find her interesting. Notice how in these last few sentences I’ve used her name instead of “Corrupt GF”!  

Charlotte says she loved Adrian too, but that’s not enough. Awww.

He can’t really be surprised though, can he?  

Now it is August and we get to see Diane and Liz react to the announcement of Kamala Harris as Biden’s VP pick, and I would like to thank the writers for giving me the opportunity to see Diane and Liz react to this. It’s kind of fan-service, but it’s also a nice tie-in to the girl-power theme of the Diane/Liz alliance.

Diane and Liz realize that Adrian’s probably not a good candidate for 2024 if the DNC only wants one black candidate and Harris is the clear front-runner. Liz suggests keeping him on as partner instead, in a way that very much implies this would be her ideal solution. Diane, being Diane, says she was liking the idea of an all-female firm. Liz hesitantly says she was too, and Diane senses the hesitation.

“Let’s look again at which associates to fire. I’m worried we’re losing too many African Americans,” Diane switches the subject. How have they still not made this decision? If any employees know downsizing is coming, and they’ve had months to act on it, assuming there are jobs elsewhere, people would’ve been jumping ship by now.  

But that’s not the point of this scene. The point of this scene is that Liz corrects Diane: “Black. You can just say Black people.” Very nice moment underlining the tension. Diane means well, but she’s still acting like a white lady who doesn’t know how to act around black people... and she wants to (and, I guess, already does) run a black firm. Major yikes.  

Marissa and Lucca are talking again. Marissa does not want to be in law school—she just wants to be a lawyer. Lucca won’t accept Marissa’s refusal to memorize meaningless rules: “Marissa. I know that you know how to play the game, but you have to pass the bar to get into a position to play the game.” Why does this line make me love Lucca? This line isn’t even anything amazing. It’s just a line that cuts through the bullshit and makes a good point.  

Marissa keeps going, insulting all of her peers and teachers, and Lucca figures out how to cut through that, too: she tells Marissa that she’d hire her as a lawyer if she killed someone, but only if Marissa passes the bar. Marissa is instantly intrigued.  

“Why are you leaving here? I’ll miss you,” Marissa says.  

“Because they won’t pay me what I deserve,” Lucca says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I thought they fired you.”  

“But they didn’t mean it. It’s like the smoothie place—they kept trying to fire me and I just kept showing up,” Marissa replies. That checks out. (Love the callback!)  

Lucca tries to get Marissa to come over to England. Marissa shuts that down as Lucca gets a news alert—and it’s not good news.  

Our next date is September 18th, 2020 and I will get my nitpicks out of the way up front! I don’t really know why it is daytime for Lucca when she reads the news, considering it was already the evening in the States when the RBG news broke. And, also, it was Rosh Hashanah, so Marissa probably would not have been sitting in her bedroom studying... she most likely would’ve been with family or friends. OK I’M DONE. FOR NOW.  

Diane is getting ready for her arguments in front of the Supreme Court. It’s almost time! She’s in casual clothes but has on a wonderful mask. She’s standing in front of Kurt’s guns to make a point (love that she’s using her video call background to her advantage) and there are several people in her bedroom getting the tech all set up. I have noted before that they only built one set for Diane’s apartment, and it’s just a massive bedroom. Diane choosing to be in front of the guns does a nice job of cutting off my question about why she’d be arguing in front of the Supreme Court from her bedroom rather than the home office she absolutely would have.  

Kurt walks in and tries to shake hands... he’s clearly not very COVID paranoid, and Diane seems to be, and... that’s something I might have wanted to see? How was Diane okay with Kurt taking risks that also affected her?

Diane confirms she intentionally chose to stand in front of the guns. That’s when Kurt gets the push notification. He pulls Diane into the bathroom to show her the news. He hands her his phone and Diane’s face falls. She starts tearing up. “2020 just won’t let go,” she says, speaking for us all.

Normally I hate things that are like, we’re going to contrive this so the news hits at the worst possible moment! This works for me, because the Supreme Court plot for Diane feels more like something that exists to be a through line for the episode. It would also be a little hard to work in RBG’s death as a main plot point—and it is definitely important enough to be a main plotpoint—if it didn’t also affect something in the world of the show.  

Also, another reason I like this contrivance is that it makes it all the more powerful when Diane says, “It’s over. He gets to nominate someone. Another Kavanaugh! We’ll have a conservative court for the next 20 years. My whole fucking life!” She’s not thinking about how this affects her case (and that case is basically a life-long dream for her). She is thinking about way bigger things, and knowing that her mind goes to the bigger things before the personal with news like this really underlines how big of a deal RBG’s death was.  

Diane tells Kurt, “I don’t deserve you. You don’t agree with me.” “I can still feel bad for you,” he responds. He holds her while she cries.

Jay’s hallucination thing is back. Now Karl Marx is here. So is Jesus. I’m so done with this. It’s nice to get a break from writing.

Malcolm X is also on the roundtable and now they’re talking over each other in that way that everyone on this show always does. (RK gave an interview about Evil where he said he likes having the children on that show talk over each other because he grew up in a household like that. I did not need to read that interview to understand that RK likes scenes where people talk over each other.)  

If anything happened in those hallucinations, I missed it, because I didn’t pause the episode. Because I do not care about the hallucinations. Because I hate them.

Now it’s November 2020... Diane’s watching election results and rocking back and forth. She tells Kurt he can go watch Fox News in the other room (so they do have more than one room!). He says he’s fine—he thinks Diane needs it more.  

“Yes, but Kurt, if you stay, I know this isn’t sensible, but... Trump seems to get more votes whenever you’re sitting on this couch,” Diane tells him. Ha, I relate to this kind of superstition so hard. “Are you serious?” Kurt says. “I am so deathly serious,” Diane responds. “Whenever you’re sitting here, Arizona goes for Trump. Humor me, please. Just go in the other room.”  

When Kurt tries to kiss her, she pulls away: “No, no, no. No kiss. If you kiss me, we’ll lose Georgia.” This scene feels so, so real and perfectly captures what it was like (at least for me, though I don’t have a Republican husband or anything) watching election results come in.  

“Uh, if you lose, we’ll be fine, right?” Kurt asks. “Kurt, let me just say this. I’m only saying that we won’t be fine so that the universe will grant me a win,” Diane responds. This scene is so fun and so good! It simultaneously captures a relatable mood, adds some levity, gives us a window into Diane’s life, and shows some of the tensions in her marriage?! I want this all the time!  

Kurt leaves the room. Diane pours more wine.

Later, with Diane still rocking back and forth with anxiety (just you wait for the several more days this will drag on!), Kurt brings in the champagne. “That was for when Hillary won. I can only drink it if Biden wins,” Diane protests. Did I also refuse to drink any celebratory alcohol until things were absolutely certain? No comment.  

“It’s odd you progressives resisted religion. You seem to have a hundred religions to take its place,” Kurt says, speaking on behalf of the writers’ room. (This joke doesn’t get written if the writers don’t believe this and probably even see it in themselves.)  

“Go away, Trump. I mean Kurt,” she shoos him away. Have I mentioned yet I love this scene?  

“Love me even if you lose?” he jokes (though I do wonder if this isn’t that joking? I think it is, but he keeps saying it!) as Diane gestures at him to get out.  

I could do without the joke about Diane’s heart on the TV for a couple reasons. One, it goes on too long. Two, I was very worried something would actually happen to Diane. You’d think that would make the scene feel more tense, but it does not, because it takes me out of the moment.

“Ok, God. You know I don’t believe in you. But I will believe in you if Joe Biden wins. I’m sorry. I know that that’s not what Jesus taught. There’s nothing in the New Testament that says, ‘Believe in me, and I’ll make sure your candidate wins,’ but I need Joe Biden to win. I’m sorry, God, but I just do. I need some faith.” This is a little much but... yeah. Also, is this the first time Diane’s flat out said she’s an atheist? I think it is, though I’ve assumed as much for quite a while.  

The next day in court, masks are no longer required if you’re a series regular and votes are still being counted. I remember those days. Marissa thought Diane was checking in on Jay... Diane was not. She was checking on vote counts.  

Apparently Jay’s finally being released from the hospital!

Bad news for Julius—the idiot judge finds him guilty of some nonsense charge and sentences him to seven years in prison.  

Diane says not to worry, and Julius asks “Why not?” Good point.

Then we have election results! We skip, specifically, to December 14th and the electoral college vote. I’m a little sad we skipped over the huge party that was November 7th, but I get why they’d rather keep things moving along. I think showing November 7th in an uncomplicated way would’ve just been too close to fanservice. But, man, what a day.  

Diane, in a red hoodie with leopard print that she somehow manages to still look classy in, is ready to pop champagne. Then she hears that on January 6th, a joint session of Congress will count the electoral votes and there might be a debate. “Nope. If I open it now, something bad will happen,” she reasons. “I’ve waited four years. I can wait another few weeks.”

It’s been almost a year and they’re still somehow negotiating with Lucca, but I understand why they’d space this out across the episode. Otherwise we’d have to say goodbye to Lucca in the first like, 15 mins of the episode and all those scenes would be in a row. I can forgive (and still nitpick) choices like this when the reasoning behind them seems sound.  

Adrian says they don’t want to lose Lucca. He, Liz, and Diane are all in the conference room, and they ask Lucca for a yes or no on their latest offer by the end of the call. Diane offers Lucca partner—she'll be the youngest partner in the firm’s history—and she’ll get a $500,000/year salary. Adrian tries to sell her on being part of American history by being part of the firm.

“We are a black firm, Lucca, and we need you,” Liz says with a lot of passion for someone who knows she might very well partner with Diane. Diane looks at Liz with a bit of suspicion at this, wondering if Liz is showing her cards.  

Lucca manages to make the wifi malfunction (or she gets very lucky) and uses the disconnection to call Bianca for a counteroffer, even though they said they needed a yes or no on the spot.  

“They used George Floyd because they want you for less. They have never appreciated you as much as I do. All those scars, all that time being taken for granted and undervalued has made you a fighter. It’s made you someone I now want,” Bianca tells Lucca. She gives Lucca a counter offer of $1.3 million and the title of CFO. Lucca takes it. Is there really another choice? (If she were concerned about loyalty to the firm and the partnership was what she wanted, she probably would've just taken it.)  

(Also, the partners can’t really act like Lucca is making history by being the youngest partner ever when they passed her over for partner two years earlier and offered it to Maia! To MAIA! Who had like three years of work experience! And yes I was fine with Alicia and Cary getting partnership offers with four years but, one, that was a scam, and two, Alicia and Cary actually worked. Oh, I see I still hate Maia with a passion. Back to THIS season...)

Lucca apologetically informs Marissa she’s leaving and the offer was just too good to turn down. I believe it. I also believe Lucca wants that job more. What has loyalty to RBL gotten her? She's someone so talented and good at her job that she just gets job offers from acquaintances all the time (starting with Alicia!). RBL appreciates her, but just enough to appease her while still undervaluing her. I don’t know that I would’ve believed a plot where Lucca actively job hunts, but I definitely believe this.

“Marissa, we don’t have to work together to be friends,” Lucca tells Marissa. I’m going to miss this so much. Why is this the best material Lucca’s gotten in ages?! I think one of the things that makes Lucca such a great character is that you can see why everyone instantly wants her on their team. She’s a fantastic friend (without giving too much of herself), she’s not a pushover, and she is incredibly sharp and able to get to the heart of any situation. I love her and I’m sad we won’t get to see more of her.  

(On that bit about friendship—I can’t write about Lucca’s departure without writing about the moment I realized just how great of a character Lucca was. It was in 7x13, when Alicia has her breakdown that’s seven seasons in the making... and Lucca supports her. But the writing, and Cush’s performance, never make it feel like Lucca exists to be a part of Alicia’s story. Lucca seems like her own fully formed person who happens to be supporting Alicia at this moment. I don’t think I can overstate how tough of a task it is to get me to care about the other person in a pivotal Alicia scene, especially when that other person was added to the cast in the final season and many suspected she’d just be a replacement for a different beloved character! Anyway, Lucca’s been great for years, and I’ll miss her.)  

Just when I thought I couldn’t hate the hallucinations more, we get a hint that they are going to continue: Jay sees one right after he learns that Marissa’s used her quarantine to start law school and he’s done nothing.  

Jay says he carries a gun now and it’s “performative.” I have no idea what that means and Marissa and Lucca don’t seem to, either.  

Another thing I like about Lucca’s final scene is that it isn’t rushed. We have time for all that, and also for Lucca to tell Marissa about the time she stole her breakfast sandwich, and for Marissa to react to it, and for Marissa to find Lucca’s Birkin bag, and for Lucca to tell Marissa to keep it, and for Marissa to react to that, and for Lucca to sappily say “think of me when you use it,” and for Marissa to nonsensically reply, “you think of me when I use it,” and there’s still a little bit more of the scene after that!  

Marissa’s silly line makes Lucca tear up. “God, I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says. “I’m gonna miss this. You make me smile. I didn’t smile much before you guys.” Awwwwwww. This is also so true to character! Her friendship with Alicia aside, Lucca’s definitely said before she’s not one to have friends (which is hilarious because she is, as I've said like 100 times, a fantastic friend and also just like, the coolest person??? Who wouldn’t want to be HER friend?!).  

She says she has to go because she’s getting too emotional and says goodbye. She’s also super sappy and when Marissa says, “you were the best,” she responds that they were the best TOGETHER! Awwwwwww.  

What a nice, fitting goodbye for Lucca. There’s no bad blood or fireworks—she just makes a change like a lot of people do. I’d like to think she’ll still be friends with Marissa and Jay after this. I don’t want too many Lucca references in future episodes, but I would really like it if we see Marissa and Jay update each other on the latest from Lucca, or if a scene begins with Marissa closing out an Instagram post from Lucca of her kid, or something. I wouldn’t want clues about what Lucca’s up to, but I’d love to see that she’s still a part of Marissa and Jay’s lives.

Now it is January 6th. Liz, Adrian, and Diane sit on the floor of the mostly empty office, watching TV coverage and drinking. It’s so relaxed it’s almost surreal, and it, like many other moments in this episode, feels like a slice of life. Everyone’s dressed casually and no one is worried about appearances or looking like the boss.  

“God, have you ever seen anything like it. It’s so fucked,” Diane says. Adrian’s more optimistic—the courts rejected most of the challenges to election results! “System worked,” he says. “Yay.” Liz says in response. She’s not as optimistic as he is.  

“Liz. Liz. Sometimes when things work out, there is no parade. There’s no congratulations, but I’ll tell you this: We live to fight another day,” he explains to her even though she makes a good point that a system just barely hanging on doesn’t bode well for the future. (She doesn’t say all this, but that’s a very loaded, “Yay.”)  

“Yeah? Then why are you leaving the law?” Liz asks. Diane seconds to the question.

Adrian announces he’s still retiring—and he’s moving to Atlanta. He wants to go to the south to help “create and consolidate political power.” He’s excited to start over and inspired by Georgia going blue. This is a very nice exit for Adrian. I fully believe that he’s interested in political organizing, that he’d be good at it, and that he’s ready for a change. I don’t think he’s always the most progressive person (of the three in this scene, Liz is absolutely the most progressive one, though Diane probably thinks she is!), but I absolutely think he thinks of himself as an activist and I believe that if he’s going to step away from the law, he’d do so to make a move like this.  

Adrian—and Lucca, but especially Adrian—probably both got better exits thanks to the events of 2020. If Adrian had just left to be groomed by the DNC, that would’ve been a predictable and boring ending for him. His candidacy would, obviously, go nowhere, and the whole thing felt weird from the minute it was introduced. But this? Adrian being energized—like so many others were—by the ways the world changed in 2020 and using his already announced departure from the firm and recent breakup as a chance to start over and make change? This is great!  

Adrian asks Liz and Diane what’s next for them. Liz says that she thinks the Biden admin will be better for black businesses. Adrian asks if they’re replacing him, and Diane says, “I think the big question is, are you replacing me?” She’s smart. I like how this scene goes from friendly to tense very fast, with everyone kind of testing the waters. Adrian tries to force the conversation, Liz opens with something vague yet pointed, and Diane speaks what’s previously been unspoken.

Liz says it’s not her intention to push Diane out. “I can’t change the color of my skin,” Diane replies. “I know,” Liz laughs. Audra’s delivery is fantastic on that line.  

“Hey, I’m gonna fight for my partnership,” Diane says. “I know,” Liz says. The tone of this scene is so different from previous partnership drama on these shows and I’m excited about it. This is just a bunch of adults talking about business decisions with each other and treating each other as equals?? It's not backstabbing?? Or drama?? No one is hiding things?? It’s refreshing and I hope this plot stays like this. We’ve done so much partnership drama that I think drama that stems from a real, pressing question that has no easy answers and isn’t anyone’s fault is going to be much more fruitful for the show.  

Adrian heads out—ah, I see now this scene is set in his empty office and this is why they are on the floor—and gets a nice last moment with Diane. And then they give him a last moment with Liz, which I knew they would but was still glad to see.  

Liz asks if he knows what he’s doing—he says he’s not sure.

Adrian asks if Liz knows where she stands regarding Diane. “It’s going to be interesting,” Liz says. I don’t think she’s decided what she’s going to do yet.

It wouldn’t be an Adrian and Liz scene if Adrian didn’t have some unsolicited advice. “Diane’s a terrific lawyer, but this firm belongs to you.  Your dad built it. He did, Liz. Despite all his faults. You got to run this place the way you want. This is a black firm. And after today, the world needs black firms. You got me?” He tells Liz. He makes it seem like Liz gets the choice and then tells her what to do. She says, “I got it,” signaling she understood him but not that she necessarily agrees.  

I cannot wait to see what Liz does next!!!!!!! About this but just in general!!!!! Without Adrian there giving her constant advice I feel like she can grow so much and the show will have to give her more to do!!! I think Adrian, for all his many wonderful qualities and all he brought to the show, can suck all the air out of a room with his charisma, and Liz usually ends up suffering as a result. She’s such a capable lawyer in her own right, but Adrian has a way of making it always seem like he’s right—even in arguments she wins. I’m excited to see Liz lead (or stumble at leadership; she is fairly new to management) without Adrian’s direct influence.  

Liz walks Adrian out and it’s cute. They run into Marissa and Jay. “Everybody fun is leaving,” Marissa notes. Liz is minorly offended, but playfully. Heh.

Adrian asks Jay how he’s doing; Jay says he’s a long-hauler but he’s doing okay. I like that they included that moment in Adrian’s goodbye sequence. It’s a very little thing, but it underlines that Adrian cares about Jay.  

Then Liz interrupts to note that Trump pardoned a lot of convicted and corrupt Republican officials....... including Julius.  

Everyone celebrates, but especially Diane and Marissa. Diane lets out her wonderful laugh and then we, finally, get to the credits. Because now that the previouslies are over, it’s time for the real show.

The credits are absolutely delightful, btw. I was a little worried some of the kittens would blow up, though! Once I relaxed and realized what they were up to—literal puppies and kittens because Biden won—I couldn’t get enough of these credits. They work so well because they accurately capture the way I (and all of these characters, except maybe Julius and Kurt) feel about the election results, but it’s so exaggerated that you know the kittens and puppies aren’t a realistic representation of our new reality. They’re just too good to be true, but you may as well enjoy them for a minute. I’m sure we’ll be back to exploding vases next week.

What a great episode! My timeline nitpicks and whatever they’re trying to do with Jay aside, I was blown away by how well the writers managed to move on from season 4, tie up loose ends, and write out two main characters. And they did it all while making me revisit the events of 2020, a year I don’t think many of us want to spend much time thinking about! This episode was enjoyable, fun, emotional, and clever. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the season, but I’m definitely excited about the show in a way I haven’t really been in quite some time.  

This season’s naming convention seems to be titles that end with ... and only have the first word capitalized. I want to see more. 

Season FIVE? There have already been as many TGF seasons as there were TGW seasons prior to Hitting the Fan?! Time flies. 

Please writers: No topical episodes this year-- no pee tape, no Melania divorce, no Epstein. None of that business. 

Sorry if I repeated myself here. I never proofread these things, and I wrote half of this on Saturday and half of it today (Wednesday) and the days in between were an absolute blur so I cannot remember if I said the same things about this episode twice. 

[thesleepykuma]

How I would change Gou to make it more palatable to me personally

The restrictions I’m making here are that I can’t completely overhaul the plot, I need to tell essentially the same story but make the best possible version of it I can

Drop the sea of fragments scene in episode 2 so that everyone is rightly confused until nekodamashi and gou onlys don’t see characters show up and not be heard from again for half the show

Make tataridamashi an episode shorter and give that time to satokowashi because it desperately needs it. You can abridge some of the scenes that came straight from the original to make the that happen. If a scene doesn’t have something relevant to sotsu and it’s exactly the same as the original we don’t need to see it.

A giant plot hole in the story is that Rika and Satoko study to go to St. Lucia’s for years and at no point do we see Shion’s reaction to that despite her and Satoko being close. The easiest way to fix this is to make the school not St. Lucia’s so that the girls can convince themselves that this school is different . If it must be St. Lucia, give them some reason (a different headmistress, maybe) to convince them that the school has changed . Or just make Rika so stubborn they aren’t willing to listen. In any case, we need to see this confrontation between shion and the girls happen.

Remember in the second loop where Satoko says something along the lines of “I wanted to suffer my hardships with you, not be looked down upon with pity”? That’s actually a real important quote that gives context to satokos frustration, but because we don’t see rikas actions in that loop we can’t understand why she feels that way. Give us a scene that makes us understand why Satoko thinks that Rika has turned from her best friend into someone that’s looking after a lost puppy. It’s important that we understand why Satoko feels that’s what happened even if it isn’t rika’s intention.

Shift some of the blame to Eua by having her suggest ways to get Rika to change her mind instead of just saying “what are you going to do about that?” And listening to Satoko monologue.

Show us the loop where Satoko refuses to go to the school and goes to the same high school Mion went to. It’s calmer and much less stressful, but she’s lonely without her best friend who had been practically her sister since childhood. Desperately lonely. She can’t take it.

It turns out that Rika has been hiding quite a lot of things from Satoko, including where her beloved Nii-nii is. Since she’s elected to see some of Rika’s loops (not all 100 years worth of them in this version) she can see that. Show how that makes her feel. It will cement her opinion of Rika as a liar who has betrayed her multiple times over and bridge the gap from her attitude before seeing the fragments to after them. It also shifts more blame to Eua because in this version Eua is purposefully only showing loops that paint Rika in the worst light possible.

Make Satokos feelings less creepy obsession and more bitter resentment. She can’t abandon her best friend entirely, she wants and needs her. But first she needs to teach her a lesson for ‘betraying’ her.

In this version Satoko calls Eua ‘Oyashiro-sama’ and Eua goes along with it and gives Satoko her blessing as the ‘priestess of Oyashiro-sana’. This solves this issue in Nekodamashi where Satoko appears to declare herself the priestess of herself.

[lieutenant-amuel]

Hi! I want to talk a little about Elena and Esteban's conflict in season 3. I understand, everyone has their own opinions and points of view about any situations, but I've just tired of hate to Elena (especially on Twitter) and that she acts like "a jerk" because she couldn't forgive that person, whose mistake led to the death of her parents.

I love Esteban. He is one of my favourite characters, and I can't blame him for everything. But in the same way, it's just a biassedly to deny how indescribable his guilt is. Not only for Elena, whole of their family, but for the kingdom as well.

Elena can't forgive him, and it quite is obvious. She lost her parents because of him, she was trapped in amulet for forty one years, she didn't know what happened to Isabel and her grandparents. Who knows, maybe, Elena had been thinking for so long that all her relatives are dead? After all, she couldn't know exactly what happened.

Yeah, surely, she was freed. Luisa, Francisco and Isabel are alive. But why nobody noticed, that Esteban lied to Elena in King of the Carnaval? Of course, he was afraid to reveal his dark secret, but Elena supported him, because she knew how strongly Esteban loves his family, and she refused to believe that he could hurt and betray his own family. Things might be little different, if Esteban accepted Victor's words and confeesed to Elena of his misdeed. She would be mad (as we've already known), but Esteban could prove his love to Elena, helping her to catch Victor and Carla eventually. But he was a coward and chose to continue hiding the truth by lying. I understand, he regretted about he has done (what perfectly represented in Something I Would Never Do), but he had to admit everything himself, then his family could react completely different, than that we saw in Magic Within. Ultimately, Esteban has hidden the truth for three (!) years after Elena was freed. That one of the reasons, why Elena is mad at Esteban - he lied her and even didn't think to tell her everything. She just can't trust him and his words after that.

Learning the truth, Elena made an absolutely right decision. Esteban helped Shuriki to overthrow the existence reign, because of what Raul and Lucia, king and queen, were murdered. He literally broke the law, and in fairness, he couldn't fail to receive a punishment. Of course, he is member of royal family, but he didn't just broke a law, he is reason of death of his own aunt and uncle.

So I think, the punishment, Esteban has got, was fair. Maybe, Elena must forgive him, being more merciful and compassionate, but Esteban's mistake isn't kind of deeds which possible to forgive. Not so fast, anyway. I mean, Elena is very kind, understanding and placable person. She just needed time to figure out what happened and understand her own feelings. I don't believe, that Elena could be mad at Esteban for that long. She would forgive him after one or several months, because she still loves him and perceives as a brother.

But Esteban made his bad situation even worse, escaping the prison and helping Delgados. After that act he has completely lost Elena's trust to him. Can we blame Elena? I don't think so. Esteban lied and betrayed her before, yes, he was sincere during the trial, but eventually he betrayed her again, acting like a coward. It just is impossible to forgive Esteban after he has made the same mistake twice.

Elena is furious, and not without the reason.

She didn't want to listen to Esteban either in Captain Mateo, nor in Dreamcatcher, because she didn't expect to hear anything but lie. She can't trust him after he has done. And now I don't talk only about what happened 40+ years ago, I talk about every Esteban's mistake, including what happened recently.

Some of fans don't understand, why Elena didn't give to Esteban a chance to explain himself. But didn't she did? Esteban got a chance during the trial. Elena listened to him and made fair desicion. She did what she thought was right, Esteban was disagreed and did what he thought was right as well. He hided behind her trust, lied to her, betrayed, was a reason why her parents were dead. What he would say for himself. He is apologising? Well, I don't think this argument could change Elena's mind. Anyway, Esteban did nothing to fix everything he has done, he just made things even worse to himself than before.

All of her feelings and words in Dreamcatcher confirmed that Elena still loves him ("I miss you. And I'm angry at myself for missing you!"), but she can't accept what happened. She can't forgive him, because he caused her a lot of pain. He hurt and disappointed her, what she clearly said in that moment.

So, was Elena right saying that Esteban isn't a family anymore? On the one hand, no. He is still her cousin, and Elena's words obviosly made a decisive step for Esteban's future path. But on the other hand, Esteban's deeds are saying for themselves. What is he doing, isn't the way how members of family bahave. Helping Delgados and joining Ash, Esteban decided himself what he prefers in life, and Elena's words confirmed it.

Anyway, I don't hate Esteban. As I said, I love him, and he is still one of my the most characters in the show, not speaking about that how complex and interesting he is. I just try to evaluate the conflict between them reasonably and objectively.

I would like to read your opinion about their conflict, but with constructive criticism and weighty argument.

Thanks everyone for reading!

[ladyborel]

Another Truth Revealed

Etien woke in her room feeling washed-out and creaky. It had been a long number of days, and she was considering taking this one off. She felt like something was pulled in her arm, and her shoulder blades felt too tight.

Maybe she’d simply slept wrong. She still wanted a day off. Hadn’t she earned one?

She stayed lying down, but stretched, her joints popping as she squeaked a little. She relaxed, then scratched at her ear, and the memory hit her. The memory of someone else scratching her ear.

She rolled onto her side, cushioning her head on her arm. Perhaps he didn’t know. It was possible he didn’t know many Miqo’te, and probably—hopefully—none that would have had cause to tell him anything about their ears.

Whether he knew or not, it had been a deftly affectionate gesture. It was… intimate, almost lover-like, the way his fingertips had grazed her scalp near the base of her ear.

Though, there was the fact that had his hand been a bit further forward, the action would have been near to feeling her up in public. Not that she would have complained if he had—she shook her head to clear it of the thought.

It was too early to be thinking such things. Even if she’d slept pretty late.

She had to go talk to Aymeric, after leaping into his arms one day, then bawling all over him another. But if he was too busy to be her emotional support, he was probably too busy to hear her out now.  

She sat up, stretching again and rubbing her eyes. She might as well get dressed, mull it over. See what there was to be had in the marketplace. Get her battle clothes fixed up.

She slipped from bed, pulling on some simple clothing and her boots, sliding the rest into a bag. As a final touch, she looped her scarf around her neck.

There. She was ready enough.

Her journey through the streets of Ishgard was shorter than she had anticipated, but it ended the way so many others had—Etien stood in the middle of Saint Valeroyant’s Forum, Firmalbert giving her a little wave.

She had nothing to lose, other than a little bit of her time.

Well, she supposed she might be a little hurt if Aymeric did let her in, and she did tell him how she felt, and he didn’t return her feelings. But having him as a friend was immensely more valuable to her than any pain would overpower, so. Nothing to lose but time.

She strode through the doors of the Congregation, then her gait took a bit more of a hesitant dint. She went over to the guard, and without speaking, he opened the door to inform Aymeric of Etien’s arrival, then gestured for her to enter the office.

Now that she was really going to do it, her nerves were getting the better of her, and she walked as if she were on a tightrope on her way to Aymeric’s desk.

“Etien. Is everything all right? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hello, Aymeric. Everything is perfectly fine. I came here to talk a little. Are you busy?”

He pushed the papers in front of him to the side. “Not for you.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Why, thank you. I appreciate that.”

“So, what is so pressing that you had to come right here?”

Etien laughed, her eyes shutting slowly like they had that time they’d spoken at the fountain outside the Congregation. “I… well, actually, your office may not be the best place for this.”

“Oh, indeed?”

“If you want to stay here, we could, and I suppose we could be sure of privacy here, but… maybe we could go on a walk?” She asked, folding her hands so she had something to do with them (and she could keep a lid on her sweaty palms).

Aymeric stood from his desk and walked to the door, Etien following him, a tiny smile blossoming on her lips.

“Lucia!” He called. “I’m leaving on my lunch break early.”

“It’s hardly 11, Lord Commander!”

“Etien has need of me,” he said with a small smile in her direction.

Lucia rolled her eyes. “Etien has always had need of you. Pray return in an hour. If I come calling at the inn and find you there–”

Aymeric blushed. “I shall return on time.”

Etien bit her lip, following him out of the Congregation.

“So, what is it you wanted to discuss?” He asked her as they passed the fountain in the forum.

Etien gently shushed him. “Come on, let’s just enjoy a little walk first. Please?”

“All right.” So, they set off, Etien doing her level best to keep up with Aymeric. His legs were so long, it was hard, but she managed to stay a step behind him, if not at his side.

“There’s nothing to guard me against,” he joked, “you don’t need to be behind me.”

“I can’t walk as fast as you,” she replied honestly.

“Ah. I can slow down, if that would help.”

“Please. This is supposed to be leisurely, after all. We have an hour and no real destination.” She shrugged.

Aymeric slowed his pace.

But by virtue of the pair of them walking side by side, their knuckles happened to brush. The first time, Etien ignored it, figuring it was simply the proximity. But when it happened again, mostly by reflex, she flexed her fingers through the gaps in Aymeric’s, then relaxed them, curling her fingers around his.

Aymeric looked down at their twined fingers first, followed by Etien.

“Oh.”

Etien pulled her hand away as if she had been burnt. “I’m sorry, I did not mean to–”

Aymeric threaded his fingers through hers again. “No need.”

With the backs of their hands pressed together, it was a more subtle method of holding hands, but they were both keenly aware of where their joined hands swayed between their bodies.

Etien wondered if anyone else was noticing.

After a few moments of that, Aymeric spoke. “Am I correct in assuming that you are still a little shaken by the events in the Vault?”

“Which time?” Etien asked.

“Either. Mayhap both. I would not blame you if so; I am as well. And if you were as distraught with worry for a friend as you said afterwards…”

Etien sighed. “I did mean that.”

“I believe you.” He lifted their hands as much as he could without stretching Etien’s arm. “We must keep each other close, then, to avoid such worry.”

Etien squeezed his fingers with hers. “Do not tease me, ser.”

“I mean it in good fun.”

Etien smiled, then looked around.

They had reached Saint Reymanaud’s Cathedral. She took a deep breath, feeling the light-headedness and butterflies in her stomach that betrayed her nervousness. She only prayed Aymeric couldn’t feel her hand sweating.

“So, if you would like to discuss that business now, we may,” she began, her voice wavering.

Aymeric stopped walking, turning to face her, but he didn’t let go of her hand. “Go on.”

“I am fairly certain that you may have noticed my affectionate behavior toward you growing more obvious as time has gone on.” She sighed. “That has happened as my feelings have become known to me. My feelings… for you. When you scratched behind my ear the other day, everything solidified. No one had done that to me before, and now I find I would not want anyone to but you.” She took a deep breath. “It only served to intensify how I feel, but I am sure you had an inkling my feelings were already intense.” Now, she bit her lip, trying to force the next few words out. “I understand completely if my interest is not returned, and I certainly hold no ill will in that case. Your friendship is very important to me, and a gift all its own, and I pray I have not caused you any discomfort–”

“Etien.”

She stopped. “Yes?”

“You brought me to the Cathedral to tell me this?”

Etien flushed, covering her face with the hand not still in Aymeric’s. “I am a fool.”

“A romantic, more like.”

She blinked up at him. “I suppose. We can speak nothing of this, if that’s what you would like. I can go and you can return to your work at the Congregation.”

“Without telling you my answer?” Aymeric asked, a little incredulous.

“I…” whatever she had to say died in her throat. “Pray continue, Aymeric.”

He slipped his hand from hers, then slid his fingers under hers again, cupping her palm on the backs of his fingers. “Your fingers are freezing.”

“I’m nervous,” she explained, a little sheepish.

“Well. That is a little flattering. In any case, I thank Halone that you said it first.”

“What?”

“I would never have poured my heart out to you like have for me.”

“Aymeric, I don’t understand.”

He kissed her fingers, running his thumb over where his lips had just pressed. “It gives me great pleasure to tell you that your feelings are requited. And to know that mine are, as well.”

“Oh!” She cried, eyes welling at the edges. “Oh, good.”

He cupped her cheeks. “Was that all?”

“That’s everything,” she breathed, moving her head to settle her cheeks even better in his hands. “Thank you.”

“I see no need to thank me.”

“Oh, no? Well then, how about this? Can we seal this with a kiss?”

“Out in a square, in broad daylight?” Aymeric nearly frowned. “I’m afraid not.”

“Right. I understand.”

“But inside, perhaps?”

Etien’s eyes widened as Aymeric (carefully) pulled her into the cathedral, settling the two of them just inside the door, not likely to be seen by anyone coming in before they had time to break apart.

He ran his thumbs over the markings on Etien’s cheeks, halfway between simply appreciating the way the little bits of sunlight through stained glass played on her skin and trying to get himself to actually make the move and kiss her.

He would have to be the one to do it, since she couldn’t reach him, and if he picked her up so she could, that would look incredibly untoward. In a cathedral, even, he could hear them say. So he bent, sighing, and pressed his lips to hers.

For all the cold outside and the hard exterior she had once put up, Etien was warm and soft and pliant as he kissed her, as if she were melting into the kiss.

Aymeric eased back a little, hoping Etien would follow him off the wall so he could get his arms—or at least his hands—around her. She did, blessedly, and even draped hers around him, too. He would have preferred them around his neck, perhaps a hand delicately trailing up into his hair, but her tight embrace  and the hammering of her heart were more than good enough.

He didn’t want to break away from her, but he was feeling himself getting dizzy from the lack of air, so he pulled away. Etien followed at first, then giggled to herself as she let her eyes open. He bent and pecked her again, over and over, until he realized that they were likely running out of time.

“We had best get back to the Congregation,” he told her in the softest of whispers.

She nodded, pulling him to her for one more kiss, this one somehow sweeter than the last, and then, they left the cathedral, hand in hand.

They would worry later about when to make their relationship known. For now, quick, giddy kisses in closed spaces would please them well enough.

[pettyelves]

keener

[ The Letter’s Source ]

keen·er/ˈkēnər/ noun 1.a person who wails or sings in grief for a dead person.

"I will remind this Council that Kurel An'Diel's removal is not yet up for debate as he has yet to fully violate the terms of his admiralty promotion. This is also not a character hearing--nor is it a platform for I-told-you-sos. I reject, at this time, Speaker Duskbringer's motion." She was on her fifth cigarette and surprisingly keeping her calm, "Kurel An'Diel's role as a husband and father is ,frankly, no one in this room's business but my own-- ...I will also remind this council that Kurel, aside from myself, is the oldest Councilor-- and did, help build this place."

The afternoon breeze shifted through the Starset Reach’s courtroom, a place they had called the Free Man’s Court. It felt hostile today, and Eilithe had readily blamed Reveria’s emotion-ruled judgement for such-- though she never said it aloud. Kur’elnth An’Diel’s name was a wired bomb as much as it was a ghost in the corner of the room. It made people angry-- it made her defensive. It was logical for people who loved her, people like Reveria, Feril, Hillier, and Clarcius to ask her why she was so vehement in her defense of a man that not two months after their marriage had wandered off somewhere into the world without a word to her. That is to say, Eilithe Duskbringer-An’Diel was well aware of how hopeless and pathetically in-love she was with her husband.

There was no justification beyond that. She loved him more completely than any man before him. Perhaps it was his unique brand of love that kept her hanging on. She was as attracted to his arrogance as she was his ambition. Kurel loved quietly, viscerally, and most importantly without expectation. 

“Arbiter, Admiral An’Diel’s vulture has just flown in. I thought you’d want to know.” 

When she left Stormwind, she had been excited or at the very least anxious. Croaks’ arrival meant news from Kurel and even if it was news that he wouldn’t be home for another month, she had opened the letter under the presence of the one and only promise he had ever made her: “I will always come home”  Every letter she ever wrote, Eilithe read three times. But not his. 

Eilithe,

The greatest and the worst secrets of my life have only ever been shared with three people in this world. Severin, Mavas and you. Lately, my list of regrets and mistakes expands by the creeping of every hour that moves beyond me. Of them all, only one do I have control over in some capacity to lighten.

When I told you about The Gate, about Archerous, and about what happened during those months. I did not tell you everything.

When Archerous demanded for its location and I refused, penance had to be paid for another hundred years. He did not choose to take Tailon, I gave Tailon to him and my sister was returned, dead.

In Severin’s devastation at the loss of his brother and his feeling that I had betrayed him, he left. For longer than I can remember, he and those of his lineage preceding him have served and sworn themselves to my family and its successors. There is more than expectation and tradition that holds him to this, so when he left me he returned to Tanaris. To serve Ammon.

By now I suspect you better realize that I did not simply vanish without cause or meaning and reading this far, you are outraged. That I would say nothing. That I would take no one.

“You can take the man out of the desert, but you can not take the desert out of the man.” A truth spoken by both my brother and lovers alike. Reveria understood that afternoon out on the pier while Eronal pleaded her case to me. Ammon’s tyranny was and never will be Deadsun’s problem. It is my problem and only mine. No argument or devotion will ever change that.

There is no good I do this world and there is no good I perhaps ever intend to do. Xavier may be the only thing of any -good- having come from me and you may have been the only thing good to have ever happened to me.

But I warned you. All those years ago. With me, there would only ever be misery and suffering. And that in the end, I would only ever disappoint you. No one survives me and writing to you, I am uncertain if I can survive myself.  You could be right, that the problem and this record of repeated misfortune is me and not the threads that puppet us. If that is true, I am too old to be changed.

I love you. I will until this body finally gives out or something takes it out. And perhaps there is some solace that I can feel the piece of you that you bound to me and know you are alive. I do not know if or even when I might return. In the event of never, raise our children with ferocity and fire.

Whatever happens. Whatever you feel.  Do not come for me. Do not wait for me.

Stay Alive.

   Kur’elnth An’Diel

She was not angry-- she was devastated. It must have been fate looking out for her that her children were not home when the first wail came from the deepest part of her stomach. Her body hit the floor their bedroom and she gave herself to crying that buckled her chest. The only thanks she might have mustered for that moment was that she could feel in those moments of anguish vast and numbing loneliness, sobbing on the floor was the most present she had been in months. 

Hours passed before she could breathe again, before she could uncoil and relax her muscles. Staring out the open balcony, she could swear she felt her soul twisting in his chest. And would it be that way, until one day he died and all at once the piece of her he took came rushing back to her?

Eilithe inhaled and sat up.

“What now?” She asked the room which accosted her with silence. Eilithe’s instinct, always, first and foremost was to run. But she had already run--she’d already kissed Death’s cheek and been pulled away. No safe house-- nor tree deep in the jungle was going to be her shelter. Her shelter was walking the sands alone to face all that he had done wrong in the world.

Would she be like her mother? 

Dear Reveria, Before I ever met Kurel--before he and I ever gave in to lust or love, before a lot of things actually I used to write letters. Some of them I thought I people would read after I was dead and it’d give them closure or comfort or maybe a final fuck you.

I stopped, eventually. It got too painful writing for forgiveness from people that were long dead and didn’t need to forgive me anyway. Anyway, it used to give me peace writing them every night-- usually to Lucia, sometimes to my children though at the time it was just Eilonwy and I. 

Right now, there is a hole in my chest and pieces keep falling out of it. It’s not just Kurel, who.. I’m sure you’ll figure out is gone before you ever read this letter. That is to say-- I hope you never read this, not until we’re old and my hair goes stark white like Endessa’s and we’re both raising grandchildren like our grandmothers.

But if you do, it means that I was out of options. It means that the ache-- not just from Kurel, but from thousands of years of disappointment, of loss of hope has finally gotten me.

I think I finally understand why my mother left after my father died, I started to understand it when I went to the jungle to die months ago but now with this finality-- I get it because as lonely as I was before, now I feel it in a sort of cosmic sense. I cannot help thinking that he was my ‘person’ -- you know, how Dianesh and Velerodra talk. 

What if he was my person and that was it?

As stupid as it must sound to you, I wouldn’t take it back. I hope that I am strong enough to stay, Reveria. I hope that you and I can be as close as we used to be. I hope that I do not run. But if I do, know that above everything. I love you. 

Eilithe

Kur’elnth An’Diel,

I bet you thought I’d be angry-- that I’d shred your letter and I would rip up all your clothes, throw the vanity off the balcony. Maybe even march an army to face Ammon and drag you back here to your home. 

I want to be angry at you. I want to spit your name the way I always do-- act like you forced me into loving you for some sick and manipulative reason. But I can’t because you tried at every turn to stop this.

One day, when we’re both dead-- I imagine yours is the soul I will gravitate to. As warped, twisted, and rotten as you were-- there is a piece of you that I know I will feel entangled with me beyond Bwonsamdi’s gate. 

I will not not rush there. Though while I write this I can think of little more than ending this pain, I know that our children need me. That Reveria and Velerodra need me. That Dead Sun needs me. You reminded me of that the last time, Kurel. 

For all the shit. The pain and rage. I want you to know, in true me-fashion, you were wrong. You promised me misery and nothing else, but that’s not what I got at all. No, I got two more beautiful children. I got confidence and strength. I got so many laughs and stories. 

You know I fell in love with you because of your stories, right?

And so this is ours. When our children ask of you-- I will not tell them you are the bastard son of Vishak An’Diel, True King of the Black Mirage. I will not tell them you were a coward who left us. I will not tell them about the fights or the leaving. 

I will tell them that we had fun. I will tell them that you were stubborn, and that you were grouchy. But that you smirked when I said something funny. And sometimes you even laughed-- deep from your belly.

I will tell them that we loved each other as hard and for as long as we could. I will tell them you are a good man. 

Until the gate,

Ei’lithene An’Diel

The letters found a home in a box buried in the back of their closest, sealed up, never to be seen. An inhale brought a final breath of his scent that lingered on his clothes throughout the space and Eilithe stood in it for only a moment longer before she pulled on a coat and headed out the door. 

@kurel-andiel​ @revthepunchbear​ @velerodra-valesinger​ [this was painful to write, but Kurel is one of my best friends oocly and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, @deadsunharbor​ would not exist without her support over these last four years. Thank you for all the stories.]

[fanfictionized]

The Hating Game - Toxic (4)

Characters: Lance Tucker x Latina!OFC

Chapter Summary: This toxic masculinity is a huge part of his personality, but Lance will have to realize that it can fuck everything up he had built up until that point.

Warnings: Tiniest bit of violence, verbal abuse, triggers for past-domestic violence

Words: 2.6k

The Hating Game - Masterlist // Previous Chapter

It had been two weeks since the last time he saw her. Since they saw each other.

And he was beginning to think that she’d finally had enough of him after his last filthy words he’d whispered into her ear.

Words of praise, really.

But Lucia was a sensitive girl.

She acted tough, sure. No one did a better job at that than her, had to keep up the façade for her sister as well after all, but that hadn’t been it.

Not truly and he knew it.

No, it had been rather the opposite he’d seen in her eyes last time - her lingering glance more exposing than her words ever could be.

He’d seen her vulnerable. Almost giving in to him.

And she couldn’t have that.

He figured she was embarrassed of having let her pride betray her and he could only smirk proudly at the thought of it.

Because he always won. This little game of theirs…

It had been pretty one-sided from the beginning so no wonder she had to pack her things and clear the fucking table because she didn’t want to admit to her own wanting.

Fine with him. He knew the truth.

And it had been enough to have kept him satisfied for the past thirteen days.

But after today he had begun to think…

That perhaps it hadn’t just been the hurt of her pride.

That perhaps she really and truly didn’t want to see him anymore.

And as much as that idea hurt his own pride- he was terrified of that.

“Hey, Ana…” He spoke up after the girl had completed another flawless run-through of their training.

He was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he approached her.

“What exactly is your sister doing?”

She tilted her head to the side questioningly. Just like her damn sister, he was going crazy. Seeing her in every little detail.

“What do you mean?” She wondered. Rightly.

“Like, what does she do for work?”

“Hm” She started, jumping off the mat “She’s a Sales Agent, I think… or could be anyway.” She shook her head.

“She’s doing that part-time and waitressing at a restaurant… also part-time.”

He had to admit he was a little bit impressed by her answer.

“So… she’s busy?”

She heard the wavering in his voice, grinning smugly at him as she already knew the answer to her upcoming question.

“Why you asking?”

“You know what? How ‘bout you do another round, kid?” He grumbled, already regretting that he ever even asked, making the girl snicker before jumping back onto the bar.

The dull clicking of heels on vinyl brought him out of his frustration.

And confusion was brought upon him as she was not only entering the gym for the first time in two weeks to pick up her little sister, but she was also- for the very first time- looking solely at him as she walked towards them.

Still, he couldn’t suppress the tiniest smile that tugged at his lips at the sight of her, trying desperately to keep it casual and cool around her.

“Hello there, darlin’.” He drawled, yet her slightly concerned look didn’t fade.

“Have you been avoiding me?” He asked and she replied with a nervous chuckle, eyes darting between him and Ana.

“Can we talk?” She said and grabbed his arm, her touch igniting fire on his skin since that had also been the first time she was ever even considering touching him.

A day of firsts. Something was definitely up.

The grip around his forearm was stronger than anticipated as she pulled him towards the other end of the room, leaving Ana to do her turns and spins in peace.

“Listen, uhm-” She still couldn’t keep her gaze entirely on him. His own smirk slowly began to disappear.

“What?” The question came out harsher than anticipated, finally making her look into his eyes. That’s when he saw it. The question she was anxiously trying to get out. It was written all over her face.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, okay?” She began, pulling her hand back to hug her arms around herself.

“What is?” He continued, stare changing into something darker as well.

“Whatever… this is.” She was pointing a finger between the two of them.

“You’re just not someone I’m looking for right now.” She admitted, his heart rate speeding up.

Trying to keep it cool…

“In a fuck? Are you serious?”

Okay. That he fucked right up.

But he couldn’t stop himself from getting more and more frustrated, even angry with himself. Where did she get that fucking idea from anyways?

“I’m looking for something consistent. Something steady. And that’s not you, I get that and it’s okay… I- I just need to think of Ana and what example I’m setting for her if I… go out with someone like you.”

His pulse thrummed in his ears, the pressure building in his limbs. Like an itch he desperately needed to scratch but couldn’t unless he’d go fucking apeshit.

“Someone like me?“ He growled lowly, making the look in her eyes change from determined to alarmed as she heard his threatening tone.

It was triggering whole other regions of her brain she had hoped to have tamed after her last boyfriend. After his own angry outbursts…

“I don’t mean it like that.” She sighed deeply, a shaky breath leaving her.

She was trying to control the panic rising up inside her, something she couldn’t impossibly show because she wasn’t weak.

Not anymore. She was doing this for Ana, but most importantly for herself.

“It’s just… You’re irresponsible, Tucker. You don’t even know how to care for yourself. I don’t want my little sister thinking that all a guy has to do to get a woman into bed is talk to her like she’s a piece of meat.”

There. Now leave me alone.

But of cause that wouldn’t be satisfying. Wouldn’t let a man that always got what he wanted leaving all agreeing and understanding.

Lance wasn’t a naturally violent man, that blood never ran in his veins.

But- even though he hadn’t showed her- he’d let his guard down for her.

The mocking voice in his head laughed.

And you thought she was the one going weak for you. Fucking imbecile, just take a look at your own damn self.

And the fact, the realization of it… it made him more ashamed than he could’ve ever expected.

But instead of wanting to show that, his natural instinct, his coping mechanism, was to turn that embarrassment into something else; something that’d release the pressure and keep the manly façade of him upright.

It turned into spiteful anger.

And his next words weren’t even thought-through before they had left his mouth in a rush.

“Alright, princess. You don’t wanna be seen with me? Fine. But don’t act all high and mighty like you’re so much fuckin’ better. I’ve seen your thirsty stares- lookin’ me up and down sometimes like a cock-starved bitch in heat ready to choke on my- “

The impact of her flat palm on his cheek was so loud it made everyone else in the gym flinch and stop dead in their tracks, the high-pitched slap echoing like the bang of a firecracker.

The painful tingle spread through his entire face, his mouth gaping open in shock and surprise while hot blood rushed to his face quickly.

His head turned slowly as the few seconds turned into hours, the ringing in his ears slowly ebbing away and that was exactly when he saw it.

She was shaking in front of him, her entire form. Whether it be from frustration or anger, he couldn’t tell. But the tears in her eyes spoke a hundred stories.

Her jaw was clenching, teeth grinding before she got out one sentence, hissing the last few words before her voice broke completely.

“Stay the fuck away from me.”

And with that she was running off, dragging a very confused Ana behind her to disappear through the gym’s doors.

.

.

.

He had locked himself inside the office after the incident.

The event of Lucia having slapped the living hell out of him.

And even through that remaining shroud of anger and shame it didn’t take him long to realize that what he did was incredibly uncalled for. Every ever so small-minded, macho-idiot could be as empathetic as to get why she did what she did.

Yes, even he could.

He remembered the words her sister had told him mere minutes before unnecessarily talking her down and insulting her.

He had been surrounded by enough other studs and assholes his whole life to know that insulting the woman that didn’t want to fuck with them was the first thing to do. Gotta keep the ‘like a give a shit’ persona obtained.

No wonder he’d become just another one of them. Even though he had never seen the logic in said reaction as well.

But that hadn’t stopped him from doing it before to other women and not giving the slightest fuck.

So why did he feel such burning guilt now?

Because it’s her, dummy.

The voice taunted him again.

You know exactly why you care, you big, soft, teddy-bear-

“Shut up!” He growled, hitting a hand against his temple to quiet the sound he couldn’t tune out.

And it was even worse because it was speaking the truth. He couldn’t stop the nausea from flooding his senses, churning his stomach like on a ride of a cutter through a stormy sea.

But maybe he could. The one thing he could do to calm his nerves.

And that, for the first time in his life, included caring for someone other than himself.

Responsibility was something he had yet to learn.

He scoffed as he grabbed his jacket, storming out of the gym and into the already chilly night.

That girl had already figured him out before he did.

.

.

.

He had driven Ana home before. When Lucy hadn’t had the time to.

Back then he never wondered why that could’ve been the case.

Caring wasn’t common with him, he had figured that one out already.

He remembered having rolled his eyes after another stressed phone call from her unorganized sister who didn’t even have her life together enough to pick up her little sister from practice. How irresponsible.

But now, after only using his brain a little to combine the existing information he figured that she must struggle with all of it. Her sister, bills, working not only one but two jobs…

All at- what?-twenty-four?

She was a brave fucking woman. A strong one, too.

And he felt that pang to his chest every time he thought back to the words he’d said that meant quite the opposite.

Why hadn’t he just told her what he really thought?

Well… they all knew exactly why.

But he was determined to change that.

He knocked on her door a second time.

Waited and waited before it finally swung open angrily, revealing a disheveled Lucia.

The dim light coming from inside showed her blotchy complexion, her puffy lips and glassy eyes and he felt his heart sink in his chest, organs squeezing down on it the second he realized that it had been him causing that.

And just as quickly, the door slammed shut in front of his nose again.

“I’ve told you to leave me the hell alone!” He heard her yell, still standing closely, no…right behind the door. His hands were resting against the flat surface to somehow get even closer to her.

“I- I know and… you have every right…” He started, collecting his words and taking a deep breath.

“I’m an asshole.”

He heard her faint scoff.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I regret every word of it.” He said, listening closely to her potential reaction but it remained silent and the door remained closed.

“I’ve really just proven your point when I did what I did. I threw a tantrum when you tried to have a reasonable talk and said I’m immature or irresponsible and… I see the irony in that, ya know?”

She huffed.

“And I guess there’s no excuse for what I did, but I still need to tell you even if that won’t change a thing okay? And then I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

Pause. Silence.

He took a deep breath, heart pounding rapidly against his ribcage.

His body was sweating like it did when winning that freaking gold medal.

What the fuck was she doing to him?

“You’re good and you’re kind. And I’ve never… I don’t know how to handle that, okay? I’ve never had that- felt that… whatever.” He mumbled the last part, shaking his head to himself.

“My first instinct was to run from that because… I kinda- “

And those words laid heavily on his tongue. It was harder than anything he had ever done, he could positively confirm that much.

Not seeing her reaction was the worst of all. Knowing that she could still hate him for it was.

“I like you.”

The silence was even more deafening than before, like everyone in the neighborhood had suddenly decided to turn down their TVs and shut up their screaming babies because Lance Tucker had actually showed some feelings for once in his goddamn life.

He startled when the clink of the lock sounded, the door creaking open once more.

His mouth fell open when he saw her expression, cold and clinical- a look he had never seen on this loving and caring, full-of-joy girl. It was admittedly scary to see her so out of picture.

The feeling intensified when he saw what she held in her hand.

A bat swinging at her side, fingers gripping the wooden stick hard.

“You don’t know me, Lance.” And the way she used his first name sent an uncomfortable shiver down his spine.

Oh, there was still so much anger behind those eyes, he could see it very clearly.

And she’d let it out on him. She was gonna burst any second and perhaps that’d even be good to get it all out, he thought.

Before the actual words had left her mouth.

“You’re a disrespectful, misogynistic pendejo who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. You think you got me all figured out? Trust me I can read you like a fucking book.” She hissed, the sound alone making him flinch as she pointed a finger at him.

She didn’t even need the bat to intimidate him. Her words had more than enough power.

“You talk me down and make me feel like I don’t matter. Like I’m nothing. And I don’t fucking need that negativity in my life. Not now, not ever…”

She took a deep, shaky breath and the fact that her voice was wavering, showing him that she was crackling behind that layer of rage made him even more remorseful, made it all even harder to watch.

She raised that bat up until the top was pressing into his chest, applying just enough pressure to be a gentle warning.

“So get the hell off my property.”

She said before she closed the door for the last time, leaving him stranded in her dooryard with an aching feeling in his chest and the bad taste of regret filling his mouth.

#

Taglist: @culturespark

[allisondraste]

Justice

Word Count: 2003

Pairing: Alistair X F!Amell

Other Characters: Loghain and Anora Mac Tir, Eamon Guerrin

Summary: The Landsmeet does not go as Alistair hopes, and a can of worms is opened for all the bannorn to see. Thank goodness there’s no real darkspawn threat right?

AO3 link for peeps who prefer that format. 

“You have some of Maric in you after all,” Loghain admitted as he bowed his head, conceding defeat to the furious Alistair who stood before him, sword held high above his head prepared to execute him on the spot.

Alistair closed his eyes and swung down forcefully, startled when he felt his sword strike something hard and metal, a clank and a swish as steel met steel. Had the traitor decided to continue fighting after all? He reared back preparing to strike again, only to open his eyes and see Lucia, of all people, standing between him and his intended target, her own runed sword in her hand, sparks of lightning jumping from it in every direction. For the first time ever, he wished she was just an ordinary, staff-wielding mage.

She glared at him beneath furrowed brows, her eyes saying everything her mouth did not. It was almost as if she expected him to show mercy. After all the suffering they had withstood because of this man, she still did not think he deserved to die. Alistair disagreed.

“Move,” he growled, commanded even, his own voice burning in his throat. This man was responsible for Duncan’s death, for the rest of the Wardens’ deaths! Alistair has every right to kill him. He was right.

“Alistair.” His name was like a question on her lips, as if she did not quite recognize him. Her sad eyes glittered fiercely at him, in what could only be described as disappointment.

“You can’t ask me to spare him.” His voice was calmer now, but cooler than he knew he could be. “You can’t.” His knuckles were white against the hilt of his sword and he was trembling. Sweat beaded on his forehead as his chest tightened like a vice.

“And you can’t ask me to stand by and watch as you bloody your hands for no reason.” Lucia wedged her way further between Alistair and the defeated Teyrn kneeling on the floor, his daughter now at his side. “This is not who you are. This is not how we do things.”

“He would have had us killed were the tables turned,” he said, his words desperate, “He’s already tried to have us killed multiple times, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I haven’t forgotten. I just thought we were better than that.” Lucia’s voice and eyes softened. “I thought you were better than that.”

“Yeah, well maybe I’m not,” he spat. Had he not been so angry, he would have immediately regretted his tone. “Duncan and the others deserve justice. King Cailan deserves justice.”

“Revenge isn’t justice, Alistair, and you know it.” She reached out to touch him and he jerked away, his heart sinking at the hurt look on her face. “Killing Loghain here, in front of the Landsmeet, in front of his daughter, won't bring them back.

“If you really want justice for Duncan and Cailan, then let’s end these petty politics and kill the darkspawn who are actually responsible. Unless, of course, you’d rather continue this tantrum.”

“Tantrum? Tantrum? Is that what you think this is?” There were miles between them now, despite standing close enough that Alistair could feel her breath. “You know what, Luce? Let the Teyrn help you with the Archdemon.” He threw his sword to the ground at their feet and stormed out of the throne room, the eyes of every noble in the bannorn searing into his back.

As Alistair left, the room fell silent, only hushed murmurs from the galleries remained as arls and arlessas watched the theatrics in bewilderment. Heat rushed to Lucia’s face as eyes turned to stare at her. Damn him. Damn herself too, for that matter.

Her words had been unfair. Alistair blamed Loghain because he needed to. He needed to believe that Duncan’s death had not simply been the casualty of a battle that nobody was prepared for. There were so many unexpected obstacles that night at Ostagar, it was difficult to say if Loghain’s men could have made any difference at all. Of course, the Teyrn had taken some reprehensible actions against the Wardens and elves in the Alienage, but the Hero of Riverdane, the late King Maric’s most trusted advisor, could not be completely terrible.

Her stomach lurched as she looked to Anora for a response. Eamon spoke, instead, “Look what you have done, child.” His voice was condescending, and he turned up his nose at her, threading fingers through his coarse beard.

“With all due respect, Arl Eamon,” Anora said with dignity as she stood and straightened out her skirts, “Shut up.” Her icy blue eyes pierced him, so much like her father’s. Loghain beamed slightly, a soft expression Lucia had yet to see from him. “You have done quite enough.”

“Your Majesty.” Lucia bowed her head reverently, fear creeping in the back of her mind. Would Anora take action against the Wardens, or worse, against Alistair for being so insistent that her father die? “I’m sorry for -.”

She stopped as Anora glided more closely to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, her eyes glossed with tears. It was a look of gratitude and understanding that words could not have conveyed. She squeezed Lucia’s shoulder slightly before bringing her hand to her side. Her eyes steeled.

“Guards,” she ordered as she turned her head to one of the captains that stood behind her. Lucia cringed waiting to hear the words she dreaded, waiting for Anora to order Alistair found and brought back to the castle. He was a threat to her rule after all.

“Take my father to the dungeons,” Anora continued, a pained expression crossing her face as she said the words. “I am grateful his life was spared, but his crimes against Ferelden cannot go unpunished.”

Lucia brought her hands to her mouth in shock, watching Loghain kiss his daughter on the cheek as the guards took him away. There was still pride in his eyes. In that moment, she knew her decision to spare the Teyrn had been the right one. Whatever rift she created between Alistair and herself, she had done the right thing.

“You cannot possibly think this is a good decision warden,” Eamon protested, his voice cracking, “Leaving the usurper alive and his daughter on the throne.”

“And it would have been a better decision to let you blackmail and manipulate Alistair so that he would rule when it is the furthest thing from what he wants.” Lucia postured, crossing her arms.

“It doesn’t matter what the boy wants.” Eamon was furious now. “It is what’s best for him, what’s best for Ferelden.

“Do tell me what is best for Alistair,” Lucia retorted dryly, her words like daggers. “I’m so eager to hear about concern from the man who made him sleep in the kennels growing up.” There was a gasp from the galleries. “You’ve never cared about Alistair in any capacity except for his connection to the throne.”

The hall fell silent and Anora looked between Lucia and the arl in dismay. Eamon looked away and scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, and Lucia looked down at the dark, stone floor.

“Is this true?” Anora’s words were cold.

“You have to understand, th-,” Eamon attempted to plea in his own defense.

“I believe I understand quite clearly,” She cut him off with a wave of the hand, “You are fortunate that King Maric never learned of your abuse. I want you out. Teagan will take over your estate.”

“Out? Of Ferelden? Anora, you can’t be serious.” The man was reeling, his voice pitched and shaky. “It happened years ago. He’s a man now.”

“You betrayed the trust of the King! Treason, a crime punishable by death. I should think my offer of exile is much more lenient.”

Eamon growled and stormed out, scowling at Lucia as he did so. The crowds in the galleries cheered as Anora made her rallying speech to the Landsmeet. Lucia stayed and mingled for a bit after all of the excitement, but eventually ducked out through one of the doors at the side of the room. As much as she knew she should be there, she was emotionally exhausted and felt her resolve wearing away. She could have broken at any moment.

She hurried out of the palace, toward the Guerrin estate. She slowed as she navigated the hallways as reached her guest quarters, the room she and Alistair had shared just the night before. She entered swiftly, shutting the door behind her and breathing deeply as she pressed her back against the cool, rough wood. She startled when she opened her eyes. She had thought she would be alone.

Alistair leaned against the bedpost, staring into the torch that burned dimly in the sconce on the wall. He turned slightly when he heard her enter, watching her breathe and jump when she noticed his presence. He smiled, half heartedly before he looked back at the torch. It was easier than looking in Lucia’s eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here,” she muttered with a shaky voice. Her typically stoic face was filled with emotion. She was raw, and it was obvious.

“Neither was I,” he admitted with a sigh. He shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor before looking up at her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Normally it would be impossible to resist the urge to take her into his arms to soothe her, but not today. Today, she was his enemy.

“Then why?” She stepped forward, fists clenched at her side. “Did you come to say goodbye? Because that’s really not necessary.”

“About a half hour ago, my answer to that question would have been yes,” he explained with a bitter laugh, “I rushed down here to pack up my things. I was going to leave and you could deal with the Blight yourself.” He shifted uncomfortably and took a deep breath.

“Then why are you still here?” Her question was filled with a hurt so tangible it hung in the room like fog. “What changed your mind?”

“You’re not going to believe this, but... it was Morrigan.” Another bitter laugh. “She told me I was a ‘foolish child’ and that if I let you go over something as ‘idiotic’ as ‘not getting my way,’ I would regret it for the rest of my life.”

“She’s said things like that to you before.” Lucia crossed her arms the way she always did when she was bracing herself for bad news. “Why listen to her now?”

“Because this time, she was right.” He stood up from his casual lean and paced around a bit before approaching Lucia and taking her hands in his. “Luce, we’re going to battle an Archdemon tomorrow. I could die, you could die. We both could. Who knows? In any case, I don’t want to go into that battle with any doubt in the air that I love you.”

“Alistair-.”

“I am furious with you, more furious than I have ever been with you. And, honestly I don’t know how long it will take for me to stop being so angry.” He held back his tears as he spoke, his chest burning from the strain. “But I can’t handle the thought of being without you. Not now. Not ever.”

Lucia released and anguished sob, and he relented, pulling her into him and kissing her hair. She trembled under his touch, her hands clinging tightly to his shirt.

“I thought I lost you,” she cried into his chest, her words muffled.

“As it turns out,” he laughed, tightening the embrace “I don’t think you could.”

They stood holding each other in the dim light, the torch slowly dying. They would discuss the details of the Landsmeet later, and the would work through it. Alistair had no doubt. But for now, it was enough to be angry together. It was enough to share rough, ragged kisses, so unlike their usual tenderness. Still being together, despite it all, was enough.

[leightaylorwrites]

Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Thirty-five - Chapter Thirty-nine)

IT’S THE END OH MY GOD

Chapter 35 - Paelsia

His sister, Eirene, had left the Sanctuary more than fifty mortal years ago.

Great, so now we get to have a pedophilic romance between Ioannes and Lucia. Can’t have YA fantasy without one of those.

Fucking hell I do not care about this chapter. Next!

Chapter 36 - Auranos

The thought of a bride so young made [Magnuts] utterly nauseous.

But sexually assaulting Lucia (she still thought they were related) doesn’t? Cool.

The chief nodded, his eyes lighting with greed. “We could become gods. Yes, this is good. We will find [the crystals] together, and we will split them down the middle - fifty-fifty.”

You expect me to believe this ruler of a whole kingdom is this gullible.

“And which two elements do you wish to possess?”

“Two? I wish to possess all four.”

“All four? How is that splitting things fifty-fifty?”

“It’s not.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know. And that’s just… sad.”

Tbh, I don’t feel bad about the chief being betrayed. Not when he’s THIS clueless.

“We are like brothers after the blood sacrifice of your bastard.”

Lmao what

Blah blah he kills the chief, it’s a plot twist

Chapter 37 - Auranos

Together, Brion and Jonas had found other boys they recognized as from their country, those who refused to surrender to this madness. There was now a group of six of them, all gathered in the protection of the forest.

Give them a spin-off, I don’t want to deal with this main series anymore.

[Ceo] was a queen now. A queen in exile.

She hasn’t been exiled, she’s HIDING.

And he had to find her. The future, both Paelsia’s and Auranos’s, now depended completely on her survival.

Or Magnuts - killing his father and becoming king, and freeing Paelsia and Auranos. Or Lucia - using her powers to kill the king for Magnuts to take over. Or you - using your smarts as a commoner to start a rebellion. Why is the narrative acting like this basic white girl is the only powerful character?

Chapter 38 - Auranos

[...] the reputation that he was the Prince of Blood had grown [..]

Lmao nope

We learn that the king actually wants Ceo in the castle, alive, because the citizens will feel more at ease with her there. I’d say this is smart for him to do but we all know it’s only so Ceo and Magnuts can get closer and Basic Caucasian Splooge all over each other.

Chapter 39 - Auranos

“Says who? A Paelsian savage [?]”

She really hasn’t learned her lesson about the racism thing. At all. You can’t have her be all “oh yeah I’m gonna help Paelsia” and then turn around spewing out racist shit again.

Some dumb shit happens with Ceo internally splooging over herself and I’m just glad this mess is finished.

If it seems the final chapters have like, no content, it’s because they’re all short chapters that are split apart for??? Aesthetic? The final 4-5 chapters could be an epilogue but I guess if the author doesn’t know the right way to do a prologue, she doesn’t know the right way to do an epilogue, either.

This book, in a summary, was underwhelming.

[radiantxhero-moved-blog]

This isn’t really something I’ve really seriously addressed before in relation to my Ike, I think? But it just struck me that I don’t think I’d ever made a post about this, and now I’m going to rant just a little bit.

Why Ike leaves Tellius.

Being a part of his father’s mercenary group was a boyish dream of his, and as soon as it was realized, I think the reality of it was immediately hammered into his head. Ike had trained in swordplay since he was a boy, but all those lessons weren’t able to prepare him for that moment he actually killed another man. True, the men he fought against on that first mission of his weren’t good people, but they were still living, breathing people. They dreamed, they lived, they bled just like him.

There wasn’t anything really special about that man, but Ike thinks back on the first person he ever killed, and it instills in him that ideal of not fighting or killing for its own sake. Senseless violence was senseless, there was no justifying it,

Taking on Elincia as an employer was something Ike took seriously, but was still relatively naive about. It seemed simple to him at first; escort her to Gallia, and they’d get the help they needed to win Crimea back from Ashnard. And then they had to abruptly flee their home, setting the old fort Ike had known as a home for most of his years to flame as they fought through Daein soldiers.

Even if he doesn’t say as such, that night was both a wake up call to the situation, as well as a bit of a blow to him personally. Ike understood the reasoning behind it, but seeing your home -- your childhood home -- burn isn’t exactly a good moment.

And then, Greil is slain right in front of him, and he can do nothing but drag his father’s body back through the forest as rain pours down. Greil speaking to him until no more words come, no more breath, only blood and rain. 

Gallia cannot help as they had hoped, and Ike not only has to take the mantle of his father as leader of the Greil Mercenaries, but he’s also responsible for fulfilling their obligations to Elincia. All on the heels of Greil’s death, and with two of the group’s members leaving. 

By this point, Ike is effectively functioning on numbed grief and anger, and his sense of duty and morality.

This was nothing he wanted, and as much as they get closer to their goal and he gets closer to some sort of closure, this feeling doesn’t really leave and even builds up. For every success, there’s some sort of drawback that just goes against his grain. Everything in Begnion is just...a mess to him. As much as he respects Sanaki for what she does, he despises how she went about getting it all done, he despises the politics, he despises the people that play the politics. It disgusts him beyond words or reason, and if he could never tread into Begnion again, I honestly think he would avoid it as much as humanly possible. Even something like being a lord or a general, something that most would see as a good thing, just doesn’t sit right with Ike for a few reasons.

Every single clash he has with the Black Knight is an outlet to his fury and his grief. The Black Knight is a man who has taken his father from him, and takes Ike’s resolve to not kill for the sheer brutality of killing every single time they meet. This man is one that Ike would risk all things to kill. He risks the war against Daein for it, and he later risks the continent of Tellius for it. When Ike “wins”, it doesn’t quite feel right, but he forces himself to accept the victory and not question it too much because if he follows that inkling of doubt, it would drive him mad.

Finding out the information Volke has about his parents, as well as the medallion is just...unnerving and heartbreaking. It shatters a lot of his views on Greil, leaving him confused and feeling almost betrayed by his father, and with no way to rectify those feelings since Greil is now gone and can’t provide any answers or anything. Not mentioning any of this to his sister was both a blessing and a curse, but Ike couldn’t bring himself to simply tell her the grisly truth.

Fighting Ashnard is a mix of things. The need to win to end this war and Ashnard’s plans to release the dark god, fulfilling his pledge to Elincia who has become more of a friend than just an employer. But, also, the fear of coming up against someone who -- in some part -- embodies that dark, secretive side of his father. Knowing that Greil had fallen to the medallion’s powers and killed his mother, facing off against a man who willingly accepted such a chaotic state of mind was terrifying. 

The rebuilding of Crimea wasn’t so bad, but as things got back to normal, that meant that -- as a “lord” and now hero of the country -- Ike is exposed to yet more things he just can’t get behind. He doesn’t want to be involved in the politics, he doesn’t want the attention of being a “hero”, he doesn’t want to stay and end up some figurehead or political pawn. He leaves. No pomp, no explanation, he simply informs Elincia that he’s renouncing his title and goes. 

And, even after all that and going into practical hiding after the war, all hell breaks loose three years later. Uprising in Daein, civil war in Crimea, and all out war between the Laguz nations and the Begnion Empire. 

Stepping in to save Lucia wasn’t an issue. Not only was it a paying job, but it was helping out people that Ike considered good friends and allies; he wasn’t going to stand by and do nothing. The same thing goes for the Laguz-Begnion war; though he has friends on both sides, technically, Ike knows that the Laguz are more in the right. But things still quickly spiral out of hand.

Fighting against former allies doesn’t sit right with Ike, even when he knows that there isn’t any other way. Learning that the Black Knight still lives is...partially expected, since his victory three years prior didn’t feel like a true conclusion, but it’s still a sharp sting to Ike. 

Things, somehow, get worse. While the waking of Ashera does rally people together to fight for the world as a united force, it still ends up putting Ike in a position he’s not comfortable with: being the commander of their united forces. He has to be tricked and pigeonholed into the position of commander. He didn’t want it back in the Mad King war, he doesn’t want it now at the potential end of the world.

Fighting through the zealots is taxing in so many ways, on the mind and body. Fighting through the tower is even more so trying. The tower itself is strange, as stated by Yune herself; it could literally fuck with their minds if they didn’t stay focused. His final encounter with the Black Knight is inevitable, and while Ike knows that there are technically more pressing matters to deal with, still prioritizes this battle over all. Magical force field that separates him from the others be damned, Ike doesn’t seem too bothered if it means killing this man.

He does get some sort of closure from besting Zelgius, but I don’t think it was as freeing as Ike thought it would be all this time. Then he gets his previously sealed memories returned to him, most notably of the day Greil went mad from touching the medallion and slayed Elena. This reopens that wound in a brutal way, and he can’t even fully process it because they still have to get through several more levels of the tower.

The dragons of Goldoa being ready to suffer genocide if it means stopping this groups resistance of the end of the world. This is just messed up on a lot of levels that Ike will never understand or want to explore.

Everything that is Sephiran.

Ashera herself. She’s so bent and warped from what she and Yune once were that it’s impossible not to pity this being. Slaying her does little to ease that sense of wrongness that came with beholding the goddess in her own madness; the entire situation just felt wrong somehow, even though it saved Tellius from a terrible fate.

It’s absolutely no consolation to know that the gods were so very human in the end. There was no greater purpose or reason for all of this, just mistakes made by beings that thought they knew better. 

What is he supposed to do now, after slaying a god? Where does he go after such a deed? Ike is once again toted as a great hero, like it was he alone that did this when there were so many by his side that made any of it possible. 

Long ass fucking story short: Ike is utterly lost as to who he is, and what he should do after this.

So many things in his life was just going from duty to duty to duty. Becoming leader of the Greil Mercenaries before he was ready or wanted to. Becoming a lord and general to complete his task to Elincia. Fighting, searching for, and eventually slaying the Black Knight to avenge his father’s death. Leading the charge against god because he is who so many look up to for strength and guidance as a leader.

All Ike ever really wanted was to become a swordsman worthy of being his father’s son. 

At his core, his desire is very simple and easy to relate with, and while he does achieve this, it gets weighed down by so many other things that I don’t think he ever gets to fully realize that he has accomplished it or think about anything else he may want to do with his life.

This is why he leaves. He’s lost, he’s tired, and for once in his life he chooses to do something selfish. Ike feels the loss of purpose after everything in Tellius starts to move its way to a better future. All he’s known is other people’s expectations of what he should or needs to do. He needs to get away from that for a while. He needs to find a new purpose for himself. If Tellius isn’t ready to treat him as the simple man he wants to be, then he’ll find someplace he can be a nobody in until he finds his center of purpose again.

Maybe he planned to return, maybe he does, and maybe he didn’t. It may not have been the right decision or a good decision, but Ike made that choice for himself.

[badoperafanfiction]

Captives, Chapter 4

Work: Lucia di Lammermoor/La Boheme crossover

Vampire!Ashtons, Fairy!Bucklaws.

Notes: Arturo and Lucia both survived their wedding night.

Main character: Marcello

Author notes: written before chapter 3, and published before chapter 3.7

Character guide

"This  is quite a life we are living, is it not?" Schaunard said, throwing  open the door to the parlor. "Our captor feeds us, bars us with palace  doors, orders our fire lit, and acts the most devoted patron a musician  could hope for!"

"He is a villain and a scoundrel," Marcello  snipped back.  Rodolfo looked between Schaunard and Marcelll,  conspicuously keeping his wide mouth shut.

They had been left  blessedly alone for the evening, and all were grateful for it, but an  air of gloom and exhaustion pervaded the air, and Schaunard could not  put his finger on it. They were all sick at heart, missing their freedom  and their home. But this, among struggles, was the least they had  endured. If Ashton had hurt one of them, or some atrocity had been  committed, then there would only be more revelry, more jokes to go  around. None of the boys ever behaved like this, except-

Except.

Rudolfo placed a hand on Schaunard's back and pulled him aside.

"We have caught sight of Ashton's mistress," he said. "She is a woman known to us."

"You can't mean--"

"Musetta is courted by the fiend."

Of course it was a woman. The only thing that could turn their heads and ruin their moods must be a woman.

“Musetta? But how did she get here?”

“The same way we did,” said Colline.

“If by that you mean in a carriage,” Marcello said. “We, bound behind and enthralled, behind bars;  she in velvet by his side.”

“It’s true,” Rudolfo confirmed. “We overheard them arguing.”

   -----

The  west wing was off-limits. The vampire had made that perfectly clear.   After the first night, Marcello had been recovering from his injuries,   and had not been tempted to make another attempt - but now he was well, and energetic with rage and jealousy. If that blasted fiend was going to  try and restrict his movements, he was going to have to keep him weak,  because no force on earth could keep Marcello from doing whatsoever he  pleased in exactly the manner he pleased to. The door was locked and the  servants frustratingly hard to coerce or seduce, but he was a Parisian  painter. He had jimmied a hatch before.

The west wing was lavish  and clean, but it was dark, almost too dark to continue. Marcello had to  take a taper from a nearby desk merely to proceed down the hall. Even  among the vampires, this darkness was eerie; lamps stayed lit in the  house so that the servants might go about their business, and since he  and his companions’ confinement, the fire stayed lit. Marcello walked  down the hall, a corridor of dancing shadows. There was a thrill to it,  and in his mind, he composed a painting; an undertone in red, bold  streaks of black dancing up the walls, a figure with a tapering going  down the way. He would call it “Dante enters Dis.”  The rug was plush, the walls lined with ugly paintings, and as he  progressed down the room it occurred to him quite suddenly that servants  entered into the west wing to clean it; there was almost certainly a  feral vampire here. A coursing of fear went through him for just a  moment, and he turned quickly.

His hasty movements doused the  flame of the taper, but in the moment before it flickered out, what he  saw made his heart stutter in fear.

There was a woman. She had smiled at him.

“Edgardo?” her voice said, a bright soprano in the darkness.

“Who are you?” Marcello asked, his voice shaking. Cold hands touched his sleeves, and he froze.

“It is I, Edgardo, your love, your bride, Lucia. Have you come for me?”

“I- I am not Edgardo. I am Marcello.”

“I have waited, Edgardo, waited faithfully for you. Have you come to me at last to forgive me for betraying you?”

“I  am not Edgardo,” Marcello tried to insist, but his voice was thin and quavering. “I am Marcello, I am not who you think I am--”

“I love  you, Edgardo,” she said. Although her skin was cold and her mouth dry,  he could feel the soft movement of breath brush forth from her lips and  onto his own. His heart was pounding now, and her arms snaked up his  shoulders. He was afraid to speak, afraid to move, because he did not  know if she was going to kiss him or kill him.

“Lucia, NO!!”

Something  pushed them away, and there was a spark of light as Marcellus stumbled  back, onto a chair. He saw Lucia clearly, now - pale and raven-haired,  in a red dressing-gown. She bore a clear resemblance to the Lord Ashton.  Sister? Cousin? Mother? There was no knowing with ageless vampires.

The  room was now lit by a face that was round, red, and quite literally  glowing. It was the fairy man who they had seen coming and going before.  His face was always jovial, but sad; now it was twisted with concern.  His arms held back Lucia, but his eyes were on Marcello.

“What were you thinking, coming in here?” he said. “My wife is mad. She might have killed you.”

“I did not know,” Marcello said. It was all he had the breath to say, collapsed as he was in an old wooden chair.

“But the west wing is forbidden  for guests! Don’t you know better than to wander a vampire’s house at night? Even the servants wait until noonday to enter, when she’s locked  up!”

In the glow, Marcello caught sight of something set against  Lucia’s dressing gown - something gold and glimmering, something he   recognized.

“What’s that?” he asked.

The fairy blinked in surprise and looked. “What’s what?”

“The necklace. The miniature. May I see it?”

“Is that what you want from her? Is that why you’re tormenting the poor girl?”

“No, you don’t understand. That- I painted it.”

The Fairy turned back to Marcello, and his face began to settle from confusion down to a calm understanding.

“Edgardo?” Lucia asked again, beginning to move this time towards the fairy.

“You’re  the painter,” the fairy said. “I understand now. Come with me while I take her to the sitting room. I’ll explain everything.”

--

“She she thinks everyone is him.”

“She  recognizes her minister,” the man, whose name was Lord Arturo Bucklaw,  said. “She knew who I was for a while; she tried to kill me on our   wedding night, when she first went mad, but, well, it didn’t stick.”   Compared to fairies, vampires were easy pickings. “She doesn’t do that   anymore, but I think... Well, I hope she thinks of me as a friend. She   may be mad, but she is my wife. I intend on taking care of her.”

A  lamp was lit, but Arturo himself provided most of the light; it was a softer, whiter light than a candle would be wont to cast.

“So those paintings I have been doing. Who are they?”

Arturo  stood and moved to Lucia, who was peacefully embroidering while   shackled to a sitting chair, a precaution Arturo had insisted on for as long as there was warm blood present in the room. “This,” he said,   holding out the necklace, “is supposed to be Edgardo. But of course you never knew his face. I was hoping that having a resemblance of him near  would help to.... To relieve her pain, a bit. My brother-in-law is   against it, but it isn’t his call anymore.”

“I take it that it was of no use.”

“No. I’m commissioning a larger one that we can place on her wall. Are you working on that one, as well?”

“I am, although it is frustrating working only from damaged miniatures.”

“I’ll  gladly help as best I can, but I did not know him well - we only met   once. I know Enrico would rather the name Edgardo was never mentioned in  this house again, so I’m sure he’s of poor use to you.”  Arturo moved gracefully back to his chair and sat down. Lucia smiled, muttering to   herself. “You never did answer me. What were you doing here? Surely the lord of the house warned you to stay away.”

“He did. I refused.” Marcello curled his lip distastefully at the thought of Ashton; he was sick of humiliation, of pain, of captivity. “If I’m to be kept prisoner  of his walls, then he will have to bind me up in chains to keep me more a  prisoner than that.”

Arturo was visibly shocked. “Prisoner?... Ashton has trapped you here??”

“My  friend slighted one of his vampire servants while he was in Paris,”   Marcello said. “He came himself seeking apology and retribution. When we  did not provide it, he took the the whole lot of us - myself and my   friends - as hostages to his wounded pride. We  found ourselves here,   unable to leave, and threatened with force if we disobey his commands.”

Arturo  scrubbed his face with his hands. “It’s quite a family I bonded myself  to, is it not? Even for Enrico, this is ridiculous behavior. Has he hurt  you?”

Marcello shifted uncomfortably, rubbing at his wrist   instinctively. “When first I tried to enter this wing and satisfy my   curiosity, he drained my blood until I was unconscious while the others watched. I suspect. He has stricken us or had us beaten more than once since our arrival. “

Arturo looked away and scowled. Marcello had seen fairies from a distance before, but almost none lived in cities such as Paris. Seeing him now, he began to understand what people said, about how fairies were a vision of beauty until you aroused their scorn, at which point they became demonic. The fairy’s face twisted in a way that wasn’t quite human. It made Marcello’s blood chill.

“I don’t know about the others, but he keeps you to dishonor my requests,” Arturo said. “He refuses to pay someone an honest wage to fulfill them.”

“You can free us, then!” Marcello said. “You’re like him, Lord Bucklaw, you are nobility.”

Arturo shook his head uncomfortably. “I cannot fulfill that request for you, Marcello.”

“Captivity tortures me more than his hands or fangs ever could, sir! I will gladly complete the painting, but I cannot stand another minute in this prison!”

“Calm yourself, sir!” Lucia was looking distressed at Marcello’s shouting. Artura went to her, shooshing and soothing.

“How can I be calm when my heart burns with rage?” Marcello said. “We were poor but we were free, Arturo. I would rather paint with frigid hands in Paris than stay trapped in luxury here, slave to his pride and envy.”

“That is precisely why I cannot help you,” Arturo hissed in the whistling whisper of a fairy.  He walked to Marcello, standing over him.

Marcello stood up to be face-to-face with the fairy.

“Marcello,” Arturo pleaded, “surely you know that if you ask my help and I grant it to you, you will be more a slave than you were before. Fairies cannot act out of charity. We can only bargain, and you’ve professed yourself that nothing you can give is equal in value to your freedom.”

Marcello’s heart was aflame with despair. “You’re denying me my request.”

“I cannot provide it,” Arturo insisted. “I will pray for you and I wish you luck, but you humans must tend to your own affairs.”

Marcello could barely speak; his vision was red and his lungs felt full of fire, not air. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him, and paced the dark hall, fists clenched. At the end of the hall, there was a small window; he knew this now because the sun was beginning to rise, and its light peaked through the curtain. He opened it and watched the world outside, trying to calm his nerves.

It didn’t work. After a few minutes of gazing, walked down the hall and left the wing.

[mbtizone]

Jin-Soo Kwon (Lost): ISTJ

Dominant Introverted Sensing [Si]: Jin is conservative and traditional. He has a very specific idea about the way things “should” be. After they get stranded on the island, Jin wants to be able to provide for his wife, which he does by making sure she gets the necessities (such as food and water), because that’s his job as a husband. Jin has trouble letting go of customs and usual ways of doing things once he becomes stranded on the island. Even though it’s very hot there, he still orders Sun to button her top up all the way when he notices the top button is undone and to keep her shoulders covered. When Sun wore a bikini, he angrily charged towards her with a towel, leading him to accidentally shove her to the ground in his haste to cover her up. It is very difficult for him to abandon his former way of living. Things that used to matter seemed to lose their importance on the island for many survivors, but it took Jin longer than most to adapt. He refuses to elope with Sun, even though that’s what she wants, because her father wouldn’t allow it. Instead, Jin chooses to do what is appropriate (agreeing to work for Mr. Paik in exchange for Sun’s hand in marriage). He is still protective of the watch that Sun’s father entrusted him with on the island, even though such things don’t really matter anymore. Jin postpones his own honeymoon in order to show Mr. Paik that he is committed to his job with him. Although it had been three years since he last experienced it, Jin was immediately able to tell that the island had moved through time again because he recognized the physical sensations – the white flash, the headache, and the temporary loss of hearing.

Auxiliary Extroverted Thinking [Te]: Because Jin is the son of a fisherman and a member of the lower class, he tells people that his father is dead to avoid the shame because he knows that he must shed that image in order to make something of himself in the world. He makes a pragmatic decision to move to Seoul and chose to cut ties with his father in order to do what needed to be done to advance his position in life. Jin is willing to leave Sun on the island in order to help build the raft and find rescue for her, which is the logical thing to do, even though it hurts both of them to be apart. Jin has an extremely strong work ethic. He volunteers for several efforts to get off the island, such as helping to construct a raft or signing up to assist Bernard in creating the S.O.S. sign out of rocks. While he’s building the raft, Jin is completely dedicated to getting the job done and barely takes any breaks. His goal is to get Sun off that island, and he works tirelessly to get the raft ready for the water. Jin understands the way the world works, and knows that he must work his way up to achieve success. He is okay with being part of a system and working within it. Jin has a tendency to be controlling. He tells Sun that he will tell her what to do and often barks out orders to her, as well as the other survivors. He tends to get angry when she defies him, though he eventually learns to give her more freedom and gradually becomes less uptight and domineering. Jin’s approach to getting things done can be ruthless at times. When Jin is trying to force Charlotte to admit that she speaks Korean, he threatens to harm Daniel unless she stops lying. He tells her to make sure Sun gets on the helicopter. When Charlotte asks about the rest of his people, he makes it clear that Sun is his only concern. When Sun gets attacked in her garden, Jin destroys it in order to keep her from going back there.

Tertiary Introverted Feeling [Fi]: When Jin agrees to work for Sun’s father in order to marry her, he tells her that it’s the “right thing to do.” He typically prefers to express his feelings through action rather than with words. Jin initially despises Michael because he believes him to be a thief, and is not willing to try to communicate why the watch was such a big deal to him. When Sun suggests that they try to tell the others, Jin refuses, saying “we will not explain ourselves to a thief.” He won’t tell Sun what he does for her father and keeps it all to himself. He convinces himself that he does whatever Mr. Paik requests for them, and internalizes much of the anger and guilt that he feels. Initially, Jin doesn’t want to get involved with the other people on the island. The only person he cares to communicate with is Sun. After learning that Sun had learned English in secret, he feels betrayed and briefly leaves her in order to work out his feelings. He takes some time to be alone and process his emotions again when he learns the truth about her affair, though he does forgive her because he realizes that he wasn’t the best version of himself prior to the plane crash. When he comes back to her, he makes an effort to be more involved in group dynamics. To make up for the way he treated her and to seek rescue for her, Jin decides to join Michael on the raft, and, for a while, dedicates the majority of his time to helping him build it. Jin has a strong moral compass and there are certain lines he refuses to cross, regardless of the consequences. When he’s working as a doorman at a hotel, he is firmly instructed not to let anyone like him (lower-class individuals) inside the building. However, when a father begs him for entry to allow his young son to use the bathroom, Jin obliges, letting them inside. When Mr. Paik orders him to kill someone, Jin gives him a beating instead and spares his life, knowing the kind of trouble he could get into if Sun’s father ever discovered the truth. Although Jin originally prefers to live in isolation on the island, he does make kind gestures for others, such as offering fish to his fellow survivors, and is particularly nice to Claire due to her pregnancy. Jin is extremely loyal to the people he cares about. When Ana Lucia wants to leave Sawyer behind, Jin refuses. When Michael runs off to find Walt, Jin goes after him. When Michael does this once more after they return to the beach camp, Jin is ready to go looking for him again, but Sun uses his duties to her as a husband to get him to stay and, though he agrees, he tells her that he doesn’t like being told what to do.

Inferior Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: Jin isn’t crazy about change. He is rigid in his ways and it takes a while to adjust to a new way of life on the island. It takes him a long time to come out of his shell and accept the other survivors. He initially has no desire to learn to communicate with the others and doesn’t make an attempt to learn English, even though that means the only person he can talk to is his wife. When he does start learning English, he tells Sun that he’s doing it so they can move to America when they are rescued, thinking that it’s what she wants. Jin isn’t a big idea man and prefers to do things in the customary manner. He typically thinks about the ways things might go wrong, which sometimes prevents him (and Sun, by extension) from taking risks. Every now and then, Jin is able to read between the lines and get a sense of what’s really going on, such as when he is able to pick up on Daniel’s feelings for Charlotte.

Enneagram: 1w9 6w5 3w2 Sp/Sx

Quotes:

Mr. Paik Why do you want to marry my daughter? Jin: Mr. Paik — I may be from a fishing village, but I have ambitions. Mr. Paik What are your ambitions? Jin: To open a restaurant. To one day own my own hotel. Mr. Paik What does your father think of this marriage? Jin: My father? He is dead. Mr. Paik What would you do for my daughter? Jin: Anything. Mr. Paik Even work for me? Jin: Of course. Mr. Paik Why would I give my daughter to a man who sells his own dreams so easily? Jin: Because — she is my dream. Sir.

[Jin sees Sun wearing a bikini in the water] Jin: [covering her with a blanket] What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?

Sun: What about our honeymoon? Jin: Sun, you know I want to. It’s just that right now — I want your father so see I’m committed. Sun: He won’t hold it against you. After all, I’m his daughter. Jin: In 6 months — after my management training is all done. Sun: I’m just as important as his car company. Jin: I promise — we’ll have the honeymoon — we always dreamed of.

Jin: Father. Please forgive me. I was — ashamed of you. Jin’s Father: What is she like? Jin: Beautiful. Intelligent. Hardheaded. We don’t talk anymore. Jin’s Father: Why not? Jin: Because I can’t tell her — about her father. In a good world — she would hate him, not me. Jin’s Father: It is a good world. Jin: You don’t know what I’ve done. Jin’s Father: You are my son. It does not matter what you’ve done. Jin: I wish I could start over. Jin’s Father: Why can’t you? Jin: I have responsibilities.

Jin: I’m sorry. It’s just — we’ve been trying for a year. I think we should see a doctor. Sun: A doctor? Jin: A fertility doctor. Sun: Why do you care so much about a baby you wouldn’t even see? Jin: Don’t blame my work, Sun. I work so we can… Sun: Work? When a man comes home with blood on his hands that isn’t “work.” Jin: And why do you think I come home with blood on my hands? I have blood on my hands because of your father. Because of what he makes me do! [Sun starts to cry, and Jin gets out of bed and goes to the window.] Jin: I didn’t mean to — I’m really sorry. Maybe if we had a baby your father might change his mind. Maybe if we gave him a grandchild he might give me a safer job. A baby will change everything. A baby will make it better.

Jin: Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you? What are you doing out here? Sun: What do you mean? I’m working in my garden. Jin: Come with me, we’re going back. Sun: What? No. Jin: Let’s go, now. [Jin grabs her arm and pulls her up to make her come with him. She jerks away.] Sun: What?! Jin: The Others attacked you here. We talked about this! Let’s go. Now. [Jin grabs and pulls her again. She breaks away.] Sun: I don’t need you to protect me. I’m just working in my garden. Jin: What? “My garden?” [Jin rips up a bunch of plants from the garden.] Sun: Stop. Stop! Please stop! Jin: Now you have no reason to be out here. Shall we go back now?

Sun: What are you doing? Jin: I’m fixing a mistake. Sun: You didn’t have to. Jin: Yes, I did. I need you. Sun: What? Jin: I hate being this way. Fighting. And I can’t — I can’t talk to anyone. I can’t understand them. I need you, Sun.

Jin: Are you ready for lunch? Shall we go back? Sun: I’d like to stay for another 20 minutes or so — by myself. If that’s alright with you. Jin: [Disappointed] Of course. That’s fine. I’ll see you back at the beach. Sun: I love you. [Jin stops in his tracks and kisses her.] Jin: I love you.

Tai: I’m telling you, man, this year love will find you. Jin: Well if the destiny book says it, it must be true. Tai: My grandma used this book to meet my grandfather. It never fails. Jin: What kind of woman? I mean, what’s she look like, so I’ll know when I see her? Tai: Orange. Jin: Orange? Tai: Yes, love will look… orange. Jin: I can’t take care of a woman, I can barely take care of myself! Tai: You could always let a woman take care of you. Jin: That’s not what a man does. A man needs a goal in life. He works harder than anyone. He gets promoted. Then he’ll be respected — not like the son of a fisherman. Tai: It’s just a job interview, Jin.

Mr. Kim: And Mr. Kwon? The Seoul Gateway is one of the finest hotels in the country. Do not open the door for people like you. Jin: Yes, sir. I understand. I will do my best. Thank you, sir!

Poor Man: Excuse me? Excuse me, please? May my son use the bathroom inside? Please, sir. It’s an emergency. Jin: I’m sorry, sir — hotels guests only. There is a bathroom down the street. [to the boy] Can you hold it? Poor Man: I’m sorry. He really has to go. Jin: Subtitle: All right. Go ahead. It’s to the left. But please… be quick. Poor Man: Thank you — you’re a good man.

Mr. Kim: Mr. Kwon… what did I tell you about who you let inside? Jin: I apologize, sir. Mr. Kim: Consider this your first warning. Jin: It’s just that the little boy- Mr. Kim: He can piss in the gutter for all I care. You people are used to that. If you want to keep your job go find them and get them out of here! [Jin takes off his gloves and hat.] Mr. Kim: What are you doing? Jin: [Handing him the gloves and hat] Thank you for the opportunity, sir.

SAYID: I told Jack I would light a fire. I’m not abandoning him. Sun: Sayid says– Jin: We’re not sailing anywhere! [he grabs Sun’s shoulders angrily] Sayid’s not your husband! Sun: My husband thinks we have to do as he says because he’s the only one who knows how to sail. But he’s wrong. I can help you sail the boat.

Jin: I have to adjust the sails. Sun: I’m sorry, Jin. I shouldn’t have disagreed with you. Not in front of Sayid. Jin: You shouldn’t have disagreed with me. Period. Sun, why did you come with us? Sun: You know why I came. I didn’t want to be without you.

Mr. Paik: This man has been stealing from me. I need you to put an end to it. Jin: What did he steal? Mr. Paik That’s not important! Jin: Of course… I’ll deliver a message. Mr. Paik A message won’t suffice! I need you to put an end to it. Jin: I cannot do that. Mr. Paik Of course you can. Jin: Sir, it’s not my job to- Mr. Paik Your job is what I say it is! Jin: Then I can’t work for you anymore. I quit. [Jin starts to exit] Mr. Paik You don’t get to quit! This man has shamed me! You married my daughter, Jin — that makes you my son. My shame is your shame. I need you to restore our family’s honor.

Jae: Wait! [Jin smashes Jae’s head into the door, takes him into the room, and violently throws him around.] Jin: [Punching Jae] Do you know who I am?! Do you know why I’m here?! Jae: I’m sorry. Jin: Then you know what I have to do. [Jin puts a gun to Jae’s head. Jae starts crying.] Jae: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. [Jin won’t kill him and pulls the gun away.] Jin: You will leave this country. Do you understand me?! You will leave and never come back. Start a new life. And if I hear you’ve returned — if you have any contact at all — I will finish this. Am I clear?! You don’t exist.

Jin: What’s this money? Sun: It’s from my father. Jin: Why? Sun: I wanted to get us furniture. And I wanted us to have a nice honeymoon. Jin: I can provide for us. The honeymoon, the furniture, I know it will take longer, but it will happen. And I will pay for it. I will always take care of you, Sun. Sun: I know. IN: Then give it back. I don’t want to be in your father’s debt any more than we already are. Please.

Jin: Stay close to Jack, and rest if you feel tired. Sun: Why are you doing this? Jin: Because…we have to go home.

Jin: I made… dinner. Sun: I thought you had left me. Will you let me try to explain? Jin: It won’t matter. Sun: Just listen, maybe– Jin: I know why you did it. I know the man… I used to be. Before this island, I withheld my affections… And I know… that whatever you did… you did to that man. His actions caused this. So I forgive you.

Jin: Do you think she knows he likes her? Sun: She’s a woman. She knows. [Charlotte looks back and faintly smiles at the two Koreans. Jin notices.]

Jin: Charlotte. Charlotte: Yeah? Jin: I know you understand me. Charlotte: Pardon? Jin: I know you speak Korean. You smiled when Sun and I talked about you. And you were listening to us at the station. Charlotte: I’m sorry. Perhaps I can get your wife to translate— Jin: If you continue to lie… I’m going to hurt your friend Daniel. I’m going to break his fingers one at a time. Do you understand that? Charlotte: What do you want? Jin: When the helicopter comes for you… You’re going to take my wife off this island. Charlotte: What about you and the rest of your friends? Jin: Just get her on the helicopter.

Jin: I think we moved through time. Hurley: How do you know that? Jin: White flash. Headache. Can’t hear. Happened to me before.

Jin-Soo Kwon (Lost): ISTJ was originally published on MBTI Zone