#I cannot express to you how excited I am to be done with ____ of ____ titles

[knightyoomyoui]

Rather Be

ft. TWICE's Jeongyeon (x Male Reader)

TYPE: Fluff, Angst GENRE: Romance, Drama, Slice Of Life REQUESTED BY: anon who asked for this: "Hi knight-nim, glad that you are back and lookong forward to your fics. Is it possible to request a Jeongyeon slice of life as an idol fluff fic about how she navigates her love life especially during her hiatus era and her comeback and her new youtube shows. I am a sucker for fluff with a tinge of angst and a supportive couple. Thank you." I hope you liked what I made for you and hopefully it reached your expectations!

WORD COUNT: 7083 ADDITIONAL NOTE: This might be one of my favorite fics I've made. I've enjoyed writing this a lot (which is why I exceeded to my 3k word limit) and I think I really went deep onto their personalities here. Probably because most of the dialogues here was like these were all I would like to express to Jeongyeon personally. Love my bias!

DONATE OR REQUEST FOR COMMISSION HERE: https://ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui ===000=== An unexpected and saddening news was released right during the month of October which was TWICE’s 5th anniversary since their debut and the hype as well for the release of their upcoming 2nd full album titled ‘Eyes Wide Open’. It is said on the link that was posted by the agency itself JYP Entertainment that Jeongyeon, one of the members of the said group is suffering both from a severe anxiety attack and a herniated disc injury on her neck. This requires her to be on hiatus for an indefinite period of time, resulting for her to be pulled from the promotions of their album including their live celebration of their anniversary on YouTube.

The conditions were mutually agreed both from JYPE and TWICE, especially to Jeongyeon who is the most affected here. After the announcement was posted, it spreaded through the K-Media articles as well as globally for all of the ONCEs to see. The fans were disheartened from the idea of how Jeongyeon is suffering right now and disappointed of the unfortunate timing it occurred. Without any choice, the fans had to express their thoughtful and caring messages for Jeongyeon’s speedy recovery while others combined it with criticizing the agency for another mistreatment of their idols. Jeongyeon saw everything in the social media.. Despite the heartwarming messages being sent to her by ONCEs, the quivering feeling inside of her cannot be shaken away of what her current unstable state has been caused. Remembering what the doctor have said to her that the primary thing for her to do on beginning her recovery is to keep her distance away from the public and take some time-off she needed for herself. The burden of stress and guilt taking an effect of her led to Jeongyeon deciding that she wants to retreat back on her hometown of Suwon. She informed her sister Seungyeon about this and immediately accepted. However, she mentioned that she’ll be only taking her there and won’t be much in around as she is in a middle of filming a new series, but she promised that she’ll visit from time to time as long as she can monitor how she’s been doing. Touched by her sister’s love for her, she is determined now to depart temporarily from attracting an attention to the flashing cameras, public’s eyes, and the relentless pressure of the industry putting her on.

===OOO===

It’s a 30 minute drive from Seoul to Suwon. Before packing her belongings and drive away with Seungyeon and her recently bought car, she said goodbye to the girls and thanking the staffs including JYP himself for allowing her to take a break, in which it was done with pure intention as they believe everybody deserves to be and nobody should sacrifice their lives for exhaustion. She saw the signage that says she’s near now to her destination, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to atleast crack a smile for a little, as she couldn’t hide her excitement to relive the nostalgia she had on that place. Now arriving to the province, Seungyeon parked the car to the familiar placed standing still and looking just as great as the last time they left here to pursue the best of their careers. They unloaded her things and approached the house where they were greeted by Yoo’s longtime helper Mrs. Song. She was stunned to see two women who were once little to her eyes, now a fully grown up and looking prettier than ever. “Hi, Mrs. Song.”

“Oh my Jeongyeon and Seungyeon-ah, it’s been a long time since you two went here!” Mrs. Song went to hug them both in which they giggled in response. “Look at you two looking like a grown-up women now, it has been a while isn’t it? Last time we’ve been together, I had to babysit you two and keep your playfulness in control.” All of them laughed at that memory. “We missed you too, Mrs. Song. We apologize if it only had come to this where we have to go back here. It’s busy out there in the city and… it’s an urgent matter.” Mrs. Song nodded, as she understood what Seungyeon is referring, which was their phone call last night. “I get it, and I can’t demand selfishly.” Her expression shifted into a softer one, turning her attention to Jeongyeon who is looking exactly as what she’s expected. “What did they do to you there, hmm? I heard what happened to you, Jeongyeon-ah. Have you’ve been tiring yourself too much on your work?” She held Jeongyeon’s hands which began to tremble. Meeting her eyes, she was shocked and devastated to see her the younger Yoo cry in her grasp.

“Aigoo, they’ve been too harsh on you.” Mrs. Song quickly hugged Jeongyeon into comfort. Seungyeon witnessing this scene tugs her heart and at the same time feeling sorry for her sister. “Don’t worry, I will take care of you here, okay? Enjoy your stay here, forget all of those you left behind for a while. This is about you that you have to be focused on first and they can’t stop you for it. Okay?” Jeongyeon nodded and answered in a muffled sobbing tone. “Yes, ahjussi.” z

“Ssshhh, save your tears, my Jeongie. Let’s take it here inside and continue. Here, let me help you two grab your things to your rooms.” Mrs. Song said as she rubbed Jeongyeon’s back before letting go and went through the luggages. ===OOO=== After an hour of reliving the old memories and catching up the lost times with their beloved helper, Seungyeon regrettably informed her that she has to go now for her schedule. Mrs. Song wished her goodbye and a safe trip back in Seoul while repeating what she advised to her in relation to Jeongyeon’s situation. Seungyeon keep it in mind and hugged Mrs. Song in gratitude. Jeongyeon stepped near at the car and watched her sister enter. Rolling down the window, she peeked at her vulnerable younger sister and aims to set some reminders. “Call me anytime if you need me, okay? Keep me updated on how you’re doing, you know I’ll always be concerned of you, especially mom and dad. Got it?” “Alright.” Jeongyeon nodded. “Have to go now, bye and love you!” “Love you too, noona.” Jeongyeon waved her hand and slightly smiled for her sister as she watched the car start to move and disappear through the distance. Mrs. Song smiled at the interaction of the two from the balcony before calling Jeongyeon. “Jeongyeon-ah, let’s go. I could take some help on the kitchen for our lunch.” “Okay, Mrs. Song!” Jeongyeon responded after rotating her body to face her. She entered the house and locked the gate. ===OOO=== The next day, Jeongyeon began to list down the things she wanted to do, motivated to heal and put herself back together again. Now convinced and contented on her procedure of self-therapy she arranged, she didn’t waste any more time to check them off the list. She started by reconnecting with some old friends in which they welcomed them back with open arms and offered assistance to her especially after what they have learned of her current struggles that brought her back to Suwon. Jeongyeon appreciated it and gladly granted them. She also went to revisit some of the places she has been since she was a child and other places where it was added during the length of time they departed to Seoul. She made sure to capture everything and add it to her gallery to compile once she feel like reminiscing again and see the progress of her hiatus.

She was also joined by Mrs. Song on exploring some new activities to discover and probably consider it to be added on her new hobbies. She was taught on how to paint to canvas, forming a clay pot, baking a cake, gardening and others that will surely gain her peace and relaxation that she craves to have. The past 5 days has been awesome for Jeongyeon. Despite the conflict both on her mental and emotional well-being, she is constantly attempting to fight through all these now that she is encouraged to do so with the continuous addition of everything and everything she loves back into her life. Which now then leads to this one particular moment when she was walking through the seashore in barefoot, wanting to feel the sand along with the splashes of the water and the breeze of cold air hitting her skin, her hair and dress flowing freely through the direction of the wind. Jeongyeon was so focused on viewing the emerging sunset from the sky when she was distracted by an accidental bump to someone. Her body flinched and got alerted at the impact that they both took. Believing that it’s her fault for being too oblivious and clumsy, she checked on the guy who abruptly fixed his camera and wiped it lenses. She noticed that it was a photographer she had just collided with. “I’m really really sorry, mister. I didn’t saw where I was heading towards at, I was looking at the sunset.” She apologized deeply to the guy who is bowing in front of her, still on aiding his camera. “No problem, just try to be careful next time.” The guy said. “But… how about your camera? Is it okay? I can pay for it if-” “No, you don’t need to. It didn’t had any cracks or whatsoever.” He began to straighten his posture after wiping the lenses with his shirt. “I’m really sorry again-” As their eyes met, both Jeongyeon and the guy couldn’t believe what faces they were seeing so closely. Both were in denial, but as further close inspections and such, they have confirmed each that it’s really who they think they actually are.

“J-jeongyeon?!” “Y-YN, right?” They’ve been greeted themselves by another familiar person that they’ve gotten closer with during their time here in Suwon. Jeongyeon and YN are staring at their former high school classmate. However, for YN only; it means more than just that which the latter doesn’t know at all. “W-what are you doing here? When you have been in here?” YN asked Jeongyeon, highly confused. “I’ve been here for 5 days now.” Jeongyeon answered. “I thought you are now in Seoul, like you know… being an idol. Are you for work as well?” “No, I’m not currently active in work right now.” Jeongyeon. “Actually, I just returned here to have a vacation, you know…. Take some time off.” “Ahh… well if that so, well uhh hi. Welcome back and… long time no see isn’t it?” “Yeah… how long it has been?”

“8 years I guess, or maybe more than that.” “That’s pretty damn long indeed.” They both chuckled. “Wow uhh, really I really didn’t expect that you’ll visit here again, seriously.” “Me as well, but I realize that I did needed this to you know…  take a break through everything.” “Why? Is something wrong going out there? Are they not doing well for you?” Jeongyeon remained silent and frowned. YN received the imaginary answer and an idea formed in his mind to create a necessary action to it. Meeting again this woman that made an immense effect to him since back to when they were younger, he don’t want the time to be ruined because of the ongoing suffering she must’ve been containing within herself, simply because of looking back at the numerous times that Jeongyeon made his days complete.

Determined to help her, he spoke cautiously at her. “Would you want someone to talk with and listen to whatever that’s bothering in your mind? Deep talks about life and some stuffs.  I’m available.” Jeongyeon looks at him and agreed to his invitation. “You sure it’ll be fine to you?” “Absolutely, why not? Especially when people needs to have a company to share things they haven’t been able to release. And it seems to be you right now sooo… as a friend, I’m willing to be the one by your side for that. Also, I’m just capturing the shore anyways so I’m not bothered.” “O-okay.”

“Where do you want us to talk? I suggest for us to remain here, Would it be perfect to do it in  a perfect scenery like this?” “Yeah, this would do.”

Jeongyeon and YN sat together in the sand, facing the waters and surrounded by the sound of nature that is effectively providing Jeongyeon the peace she has been searching for. YN lets Jeongyeon initiate to begin their conversation, starting off with detailing how is her life doing rn in Seoul and what happened in the middle of her successful career of being an idol that made her end up in the place where it all began for her.

“So… what brought you here in Suwon? Are you longing for your memories you’ve made here, chasing for solace, or… other than that?” “I’m here to rebuild myself on my own. I mean, I have my personal therapist to aid me but… I want atleast contribute something on the process of healing by myself. To feel that I can somehow… help myself in my own ways and value what I have become for the better.”

“Therapist?”

“I’ve been taking treatments, both physically and psychologically. Well, because of what happened to me. I got an anxiety disorder right when we’re on the road to preparing for our comeback and our group’s anniversary as well.” Jeongyeon’s voice starts to shake, holding her impending emotions.

“Oh god, I’m sorry about that Jeong.” YN became speechless as he watches Jeongyeon making her fragile self in notice in front of him. He couldn’t imagine that she has to reach this stage of her life where she grew to risk her emotional health in shambles to the point that not just a single simplest comfort would be enough for her to recover. “Tell me more about it. Why did you ended up being very anxious and just everything that stirs up inside of you? Were you being pressured in your work?” “Guess you can say so.” Jeongyeon tilted her head, now hugging her knees as she stares at the sea in deep thoughts. “I’ve always regarded myself as the least popular member of TWICE and I get that. It makes me believe that I just don’t do something that interest the fans to like me as much as the rest. Maybe I’m just not that talented or possess a likeable personality unlike my co-members. A boring person, if that’s how I can put it.” “But I admit, just because I believe that I am like that doesn’t mean I just want to be that way and have no any plans to change who I should be. It hurts me still, deep inside I want to prove that i’m not who they think I am, that I know I can still improve and show them that I’m just as the same level and feel like I deserve to be in TWICE.” “So I began to work my ass as much as I could. Every day I would spend my entire day just singing and dancing our choreo for More and More -it’s a song we released this year- in our company. I was so eager to cure this sickness of me always forgetting the choreo and try to find the spots where I think I lack at until… I didn’t think of the consequences anymore. All I wanted is to give what I got that this industry requires me to be.” “Then what happened?” “One day, while I was dancing together with the members, I felt a stinging pain on the back of my neck after we did like a move that requires our head to spin. Since we do numerous takes, we have to do it again and again. I was just so tired at that moment and when I felt that I just neverminded it for a while, but when I got to rest for minutes… and it proceeded to worsen starting on the next morning after I woke up.” “At that moment I just know this will be bad, so I kept it within myself as to not make my members and the staffs worry too much that may disrupt our preparation for the comeback. Thankfully it didn’t, but it started to distract me a lot when we also have to rehearse too for our virtual concert with ONCEs. My neck hurts a lot whenever I move, to the point that I was crying it out when I got to be alone, for no one else to see.” “Until one day, it couldn’t be helped, I was accidentally caught by our eldest member and my bestfriend Nayeon holding my neck. She scolded me when i revealed to her that i’m in so much pain and I’m keeping this to anybody for the sake of our project. Then, she advised me to report it to our company’s medical partners and… it was shown that I have a neck injury called herniated disc. It’s simply a dislocated disc on the weakened part connected to my spine.” “After that, my worries and fears increased about the possibilities of what this may cause my group’s activities and to what I worked hard for. You know, I always have this weird sense that I… can call it if there’s gonna be a trouble.”

“And… it came true?” Jeongyeon nodded, her tears now began to flow in her face. “I was diagnosed with anxiety attack as well when they did checkups on me. They have decided to put me into hiatus in which they had to receive my approval first for consent. As much as I don’t want to, seeing the members suffer more because of how stubborn I am made me surrender for good. I told them okay, and they did the announcement, and yeah, it sucks that i didn’t had to last long for me to promote our new album and join them on the celebration. I was supposed to be there with them today but… it’s just too much for me to handle.” she sobbed harder. “And now I’m here in Suwon to step away from being the center of attention because of condition, I don’t want to distract them too much from our album’s promotion. I listened to what my doctor said, because I couldn’t contain this feeling of of disappointment I just gave to myself and the fans who were still there to support me. I always let them down, YN. I’m trying so hard to forget them, distracting myself or taking my meds but I rather just end up costing me with insomnias at night or have a panic attack. I’m just scared at the thought that maybe I should not perform again due to how insufferable and failure I’ve become.” Jeongyeon continues to pour our her exhaustion and pain from going through all of these challenges she had to encounter in the peak of her career. Her sobs became louder and her body shivers both from the cold temperature and the amount of crying she’s having.

Meanwhile, YN sinks everything that Jeongyeon shared and it ached him imagining how much she sacrificed before her body gave up on her. He just watch Jeongyeon become emotional in pity which immiedately making an impact to him as well. Not only because of her hardships or her being a friend that had to be in that scenario… but especially with the fact that this is woman she loves that he had to learn she was struggling in her life despite being successful.

And he wasn’t there for him to guide and support her in all of these. Snapping back onto reality, he founds himself to be sitting inches close beside to Jeongyeon. He may have not been able to do what he wanted but now that he has the opportunity placed for him at this time, at this very moment, he knows there’s only way to make things right. He’ll be one to pick her up when she’s down. Jeongyeon felt warmth around her body. Opening her eyes, she saw YN embracing him to the side, trying to ease her emotions. She appreciated the gesture and she actually like how gentle and safe it makes her feel. “I know what you feel, Jeongyeon. Afraid that everything you’ve poured a lot of effort and strategies just to ensure that you’ll reach expectations and requirements just so you won’t lose the purpose of what you have. I know because I’ve been there, but the opposite is that I relate because I actually lose what I wanted to have unlike you who already grabbed it.” YN proceeds to share his own story that might motivate Jeongyeon. “You know I always dreamt of becoming a songwriter right? Back when we were in high school you’ve seen me tried to compose or write my own songs and some went well. I just didn’t have like enough equipments to give it more life, only the guitar that my dad has given to me would do the bare minimum.” “Well… unfortunately that dream had to die, after all I’ve done just to prepare myself to enter college with Fine Arts in Music or offer somebody to get my song. Nobody liked it, and coincidentally I happen to look for more money when my father became sick with diabetes. We didn’t had enough money to give him continuous treatment and medicines. I did try to perform everywhere, I do receiving some but still not enough. Then it made me understand it all too well that this may not for me when my mother happens to be granted by my aunt in States a business to build.” “You see that cafe that was closed there? That’s ours by the way.” YN said, pointing at the particular spot. “Really?” “Yeah. I made it official and clear that I have to give up my dreams through the pressure and desperation to make ourselves stable in life and to treat my dad. Fortunately, he’s been keeping up really well these days. Me and my mom are still working hard to run the cafe. So yeah, what I can only say about your side is that don’t let your dream end just because you don’t satisfy and fulfill what the people wants from you. We are bound to make mistakes and we can’t always satisfy ungratefulness. I mean, there’s always a time, just trust the process without any rush. 

And why give up when you’re at the stage of your career where you have it all? It depresses me already to give up something I want to achieve, what’s more for you?  Just because of them? Jeongyeon, those people aren’t your fans if that’s the case. You’ve spent all those years giving everything to the world. If you feel anxious that you agreed to take the hiatus, well damn them because you deserved it. It’s completely okay to give something back to yourself, and if you’ve been giving everything to the world that you weren’t been able to do that, and they still don’t like you for it, then they don’t deserve you. Jeongyeon, the real fans who loves you don’t just wait for you to come back as an idol. They wait for you to comeback as the best version of yourself.”

Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to shed some tears again because of your uplifting words you have in store for her. Your whisper and mellow tone of speaking it close to her ears is make her feel light around your arms. “Your anxiety manifested because of overthinking yourself to enhance your image as a member of TWICE. But… your worth shouldn’t be measure just by how you should perfectly perform on stage. You’re already enough just by being you. I know you want to improve, but don’t let it be driven by criticisms and insecurities. Jeongyeon, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t owe the world often a fantastic performance. We are bound to have our limits, and I suggest that you do what you do because you love it not because people out there expect you to be.”

That concluded YN’s advice for her. Jeongyeon assured that she’ll apply it within herself because she didn’t want to make your well-spoken thoughtfulness be wasted for nothing. She is so overwhelmed that she’s to one you’ve expressing that amount of care you can develop and protect for the people that you’re close with.

Only if she knows the wider aspect of that which urged you to do what has to be done. “Thank you, YN. I am pleased, so much with your kindness.” Jeongyeon mumbled into your shoulder, her soft voice hitting your heart. “It made me miss you a lot.” “I-I missed you too, Jeongyeon. That’s why.” YN almost went stuttering as he blushes intensely at Jeongyeon’s confirming her longing for your presence. Both of them went silent as they enjoy the night with them unbothered that they’re still within each other’s embrace, in their minds motivated to do the right thing that benefits each of them.

===OOO===

Beng a man of his words, YN’s proposal to guide Jeongyeon on rebuilding her confidence and get her back on the right track began the next day. Mrs. Song who learned about the encounter Jeongyeon had to his former classmate and friend and surprised her with the most important and reliable advice she needed right now was happy to see that it made Jeongyeon to look on the positive side. That’s why when she excused herself again to her parents to meet him at the designated place, they didn’t hesitate to do so, for the sake of her happiness.

Jeongyeon went to YN’s cafe and they began chatting, this time about random stuffs about their lives that happened during those years when they separate ways. YN discovered that Jeongyeon is currently learning how to brew different types of coffee, an idea popped in his mind after realizing the perfect timing. He offered Jeongyeon an additional tutorial with him and even a part-time job for her to pass some free time on, in which Jeongyeon who was first shy and shocked at the offer, accepted it afterwards.

Week after week as Jeongyeon’s bond with YN lasts through the journey of her reigniting the joy of reality becoming an idol without the pressure, their friendship deepens into something more. Jeongyeon showcasing her talent and him allowing to play the guitar for her after a long time of quitting suddenly reminds him of why he loved music. He was helping Jeongyeon to become a tough idol to handle the public in reception to her performance, yet it also created a strong effect in his soul to carry that creative passion that he once had for music.

That one night, as YN and Jeongyeon rode a bicycle together after closing the cafe, they were sharing laughters and remarks through their random conversation. As they suddenly brought up those times when they were in high school together, something inside YN made him bravely admitted something that he’s been keeping for very long. Maybe it’s due to the fact he’s trying to sweep aside that Jeongyeon is scheduled to return in 2 days back to Seoul to meet her therapist regularly. “Jeongyeon, can I be honest with you? I… I just thought nobody has even mentioned this to you from one of the people you’ve met during your pre-debut days. Or probably there is but they haven’t got the chance to say it, so I’ll do them the favor.”

“Hmm? Which is what?” “I already knew you’ll be a very famous idol someday.” YN said with a smile. “In fact, I hoped and prayed for this and it happened. I’m even glad that I appeared out of nowhere around of you to see that it did, and… I’m just so happy for you, really.” “Come on YN why are you being like this?” Jeongyeon whined playfully. “I’m about to sleep when I reach home, I don’t want to burn my eyes with tears again.” “Sorry, I just… wanted to release it, you know. I’m taking all the chances tonight and definitely tomorrow before you uh… leave. Again..” His chuckle slowly died in the end. “But thank you for that. You were right, I mean there’s others who have told me that they called it of me becoming a member of TWICE, but that was when they started to root for me since SIXTEEN era. But you… you were the first to do so, and it’s special to me because out of everybody, you were the one from outside my career who truly supported me.” Jeongyeon smiled brightly as the moon displayed above her. “Please do so, what I’m working hard for, it’s also because of you now.”

YN’s chest tightened in joy hearing such sweet dedication from her. “I-I never stopped, that’s why I’m doing this for you too.” “Good, and also I wish you can the same thing for your dream of being a songwriter, YN. Don’t you have anymore desire to do so? I’m not forcing you but there’s still time to-” “Actually about that…” YN paused for a moment as well him paddling the bike. Jeongyeon was perplexed on why you suddenly stopped, her concern of the possibility that she made you mad grew.

“I-is everything o-okay, YN?” “Y-yeah, it’s just…” YN huffed some air before facing Jeongyeon, preparing himself for something. “Uhm there’s last thing that I want to get off my chest, after many years of keeping this a secret to myself.” “I-I’ll be listening. You can talk it to me, YN.” YN took another breather and continued. “Okay. So you do remember that I wrote songs before right? I couldn’t help it, even when we’re at school I always find some time to draft it all.” “Yeah, you’re a full built musician since then, YN. I was just saddened that you decided to give it up. You have so much potential, if I recall correctly i’ve read one of the lyrics and it was so well-written.” “Yeah, and I said that those words all came from my heart. Do you still remember that?” “I am.” She nodded. “Jeongyeon… out of everything I’ve spent my time doing songs, that piece was my proudest work of mine.” You smiled genuinely. “How remarkable was it to made me keep it to myself after all these years whenever I go, just for instances that I have to be ready when I wanted to perform.” “That song was always the one I play the last, saving for the best you know?” 

“I bet the people would applaud you and leave them with their ears blessed and smiles across their face.”

“They are. I have no doubts about it. And I’m glad they love it just much as I am making it for you.” Jeongyeon became silent. Her eyes fixed at YN, she was stunned at the last words you’ve mentioned. Her lips shuddered, prompting to speak in the midst of bewilderment. “YN… that was for me?”

YN pulls out his phone and tugs off its case. At the back, there was a folded paper with ink marks behind it, a hint that has filled with handwriting. You unraveled it, and Jeongyeon saw the familiar outline she complimented years before. “I actually don’t know why I haven’t removed it now that my dream is done. When you left, I began to lose the motivation, it was like a part of it disappeared with you. Then the family stuff followed, I just… ran out of the passion I needed. But now I realized why I still singing it everywhere for years, keeping it with me, giving this crumped sheet of paper a purpose… because there was always a reason why.” “That’s you, Jeongyeon. I may have given up my dream but the love that I used to create my own masterpiece, it never went away.” Jeongyeon’s eyes became watery at your confession. She was oblivious for a long time that while she was wondering if anybody would found her dearly, there was always this one guy who remained faithful and loyal for him. Despite through the unfortunate circumstances and challenge he had to surpass, the value of the love he developed because of her was used not only to continue living his life, but to keep his most cherished talent alive as well. YN endured that for more than a decade, only for Jeongyeon. “I believed in you, I supported you, I did it all just to know how you’ve been doing. Then I heard the news that you were hurt.” “You don’t know how much I wanted to visit you, but I know it won’t be that easy knowing about the industry you are in. That’s why all I did instead is to pray for you to get better, and hope for miracle atleast, that we’ll see each other again.”

“We did.” Jeongyeon smiled through her tears. YN nodded and bowed his head in guilt, he didn’t want to make her emotional again but he sweared that this will be the last. Jeongyeon came out of her bike and stepped forward closer to YN. She lifted her chin to see his bittersweet face. His mood went upside down when he suddenly felt her body wrapped around his. “Don’t be sad about whatever it is, YN. I want you to know that after everything you told me, I became happier and grateful that I got to have you through my difficult process of healing.” Jeongyeon started to sob harder in his shoulder. She felt his large yet tender touch gliding on her back. “I’d be willing to do it always if it’s you.” he replied. “Thank you for holding my hand and reminding me that I’m stronger than I refuse to be.”

Jeongyeon leans away from the hug and stares at him, this time not only with impression but with adoration. The urge complied her to push her head forward and lay a kiss on his cheek, startling him. She smiled sweetly and grinned. “Now that we’re exposing our secrets here, I’ve also started to convince myself that not only you’re good hearted person but… you’re actually good looking too.” “W-what…” “I like you too, YN.” Jeongyeon stated, making his mouth open in amazement. “I know its not as much as you’re expecting me to say but-”

“No, I don’t care. Having you is already enough.” YN nodded and shrugged it off. “I know we can’t rush things, so take every time you got. B-but Jeongyeon, are you sure you want to be with someone like me?” Jeongyeon furrowed her brows as it clicked to her the negative thoughts you were trying to imply. “What? That you’re not as successful like me? That I’m an idol and you’re just a stranger?”

“Yeah, exactly.” “You said it yourself, I don’t care. As long as we learn how to keep supporting each other  without losing ourselves in the process, we’ll be fine. I know it’s a shot in the dark, but I’ll take it. Will you?”

Jeongyeon’s assurance instantly erased all of YN’s mindset of inadequacy and insecurities. “ You gave me a chance, Jeongyeon. Why won’t I do the same?” And they both laughed at their mutual arrangement.

===OOO=== Jeongyeon has finally returned to Seoul. As per the schedule, she met her therapist and examined her through narrating whatever she did during her time off. From revisiting her hometown, staying in her childhood house, meeting loved ones, especially reconnecting with YN. The therapist took all of that in a positive note. Due to this, she made an evaluation that this is an advantage to make her recovery faster and smoother. She learnt other coping mechanisms—meditation, journaling, and understanding her triggers. She made a promise to remain in contact with YN despite being distant again from each other. Jeongyeon can notice how YN’s sweet talking at her is greatly increasing her love for this man. However, it wouldn’t be the same as having his presence being around her, that’s why it causes her discomfort everyday not seeing him physically when she’s alone in her place.

Months later, Jeongyeon made her surprise appearance at the 2021 Seoul Music Awards to join her fellow members of TWICE to receive their awards. It became the headline of numerous articles and became trending all over social media. Not only did the fans and the K-Pop community acknowledged the return of the idol, but also to her new appearance. She was touched at all the welcome backs she received, but she also can’t dodge the toxic comments about her new look from toxic bodyshamers who most of them just simply hate TWICE and had the opportunity to find something to bash her on. Her return resulted to a mixed emotions for her, but she tried to be composed. She just turned her attention more on being with her group, with her family, her therapist, and YN.

Returning to vocal and dance training after months of rest feels harder than she imagined. Her stamina isn't what it used to be, and self-doubt creeps in. She tried to mask it in during their promotions for Alcohol-Free, until a clip from her fancam was leaked spotting her wincing in pain whenever she dances that requires head movement made her wondering if she’s still not truly back as what it seems to be. A candid moment with YN reminds her that her artistry is about authenticity, not perfection. She tried to live up to it, but the desperation ran wild inside of her to the point that she’s starting to forget it again. It then went blank when she requested at their choreographer to teach her for almost an entire day just to execute the choreo of Perfect World well. Her struggle triggered her anxiety and panic disorder again, causing her to take another hiatus in August 2021. She couldn’t take it anymore, she then requested for her manager and driver to pick up YN from Suwon. As he finally arrived to her location, her longing for his company activated, hugging him tightly and tears burst out of her tired eyes.

“You’ll get through it, Jeongyeon. I won’t go away, I’ll be here for you.”

“You better be. I thought I could manage to stand up for myself.” She muttered. “But I got lost again.” “It’ll be okay. I’ll make sure you will be prepared as much as you need to be. Learn to disregard the unnecessary, Jeongyeon. What matters is what holds importance to you.”

===OOO=== Through YN’s stronger guidance, Jeongyeon became steady at her pace again. Her appearances on their 1st English Single “The Feels” made a lot of positive reception both for her and the company, stating that it’s impressive and respectful on both side agreeing for the sake of making the vibe of their comeback “complete” without causing any harm, especially to Jeongyeon’s current state. The girls including the staffs met YN and learned about their relationship, in which they both shared their decision to keep their relationship private. The were still grateful for their support and wished them to stay strong together. Luckily, after almost a year of recovery, Jeongyeon was then cleared by her therapist to return full-time as an idol starting with the title track of their 3rd Full Album, “Scientist”, in which YN attended on every music shows and fanmeets to support Jeongyeon for the first time. More comeback eras have passed, Jeongyeon remained on doing well as she took things slow and focused on a healthier schedule that was granted to him by her company after standing up for herself, a demand that she’ll do everything on her own terms now with their group projects as well as her doing solo. She had photoshoots, a cover, and even hosting her first YouTube series.

Last year, Jeongyeon made a comeback of writing a song called “Bloom” for their mini-album “With YOU-th”, which was inspired by her experiences with YN when they reunited at Suwon. She felt proud and overwhelmed at the highly positive reactions from ONCEs, with others claiming it as their personal best track in the album. While scrolling on her tablet, she came across of a post by a ONCE featuring a beauty appreciation of her. She saw the comments of the said post, and again the inevitable, she came across some negative comments about her weight gain. She was about to be sad hen she heard the bathroom door open, revealing YN in a freshly new bath. She blushed at the sight of your manly figure but her heart moved in euphoria when she was flashed by his smile.

“You busy?” She looked back again at the screen of her device, but unspokably, her eyes went towards the comments of her fans defending her. A smirk crept up on her lips before shutting off her tablet. “Nope. Why?” “I just wanted to talk to you, I didn’t want to disturb you onto something.” “How thoughtful of you.” She rolled her eyes and laughed. YN joined her on the bed, sitting on the edge as she faced her. “I wanted to say thank you. For bringing me here to Seoul for a new beginning, the help you gave to my mom on our cafe, and… what we have right now.” he holds her hand and cuddled it on his cheek. “I made a promise, I might as well fulfill it, especially because it’s for you.” Jeongyeon said. “Take it as a return for everything you did for me… and also, I can’t let us be apart again.” She locked his hand stacked against hers. “I’m never going anywhere this time. There’s no place I would rather be if I’m not with you, Jeongyeon. I love you.” “I love you too.” After they shared a passionate kiss and another quick one on her forehead, YN excused himself to buy dinner while Jeongyeon reopened her gadget, switching back onto the Notes app she was typing at before she took a short break while scrolling through X. She reviewed again his part and her unfinished part on the song you and her will both collaborate to write for the first time, as well as now both being a songwriter and an artist for JYPE respectively.

===END===

[beomiracles]

𝓦𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒' 𝓦𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

hii ! in spite of my account currently being shadow banned I still wanted to make a little wrapped of the year that was. (I've seen a lot of creators on here do it, though I'm not sure who started it so if you know of anyone I can credit for this please let me know)!

#serene adds ✎.. where to even start >.< ? in February of 2024 I started writing/or more like dumping my thoughts onto a doc and then posting them lol. I never in a million years excepted to finish the year with nearly 1.7k followers and so so much support. This year has allowed me to express myself creatively and explore the world of literature in ways that has both challenged and helped me grow immensely and I'm forever thankful!

𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 None of this would've ever been possible without you guys ! Your continued love and support for this little blog is what keeps me going and interacting with you guys never fails to make me smile <3 I love to be equally excited over the things I write with you guys, and you've never done me wrong in any way. I don't know how to ever express my gratitude towards you enough, but I do truly, love each and all of you <3

..and now for the wrapped !

𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝟑 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

THE REDEMPTION OF CHOI YEONJUN At 2085 notes trocyj is without a doubt my most popular fic of the year! Posted all the way back in July yet it still gets recognition almost everyday, I'm beyond amazed. You guys liked the concept just as much as me and I'm so excited for its long awaited sequel to be released soon!

NOONA'S ROOM With 1044 notes Noona's Room proudly takes second place, and I'm so happy with this fic! Definitely wasn't one I expected to blow up like it did but I'm forever thankful nonetheless. Brother's best friend trope is a classic :3

THIN WALLS Now this one took me by surprise.. Posted in literally February of 2024, Thin Walls is my second oldest work, ever. The writing is beyond poor and the parts are short. However I can't deny that there's a certain charm to the grammatical errors and the awkward story telling. It shows my growth in a beautiful way I think.

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐎𝐅 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

A MOMMY'S BOY

I think it goes without saying that this fic is beyond my favourite. I talk about it too much for it to go unnoticed. AMB is one of my most emotionally deep works and I think that the storyline flows in a perfect way. The characters are fleshed out to my liking, the smut is divine and ties the plot perfectly. The ending is my favourite ending to ever have written, the way the title ties into the story has me on the floor, in all, I love A Mommy's Boy and will continue to boast it for as long as I live.

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒 One thing about me is that when a fic sticks with me, it sticks. I have read so so many beautiful works this year, but the three that stood out the most to me would be the following:

Divnity for the Damned by @koqabear The storytelling of this fic is so compelling, it draws you in like no else, immersing you completely in the plot. I love the dream aspect of the fic (without spoiling too much) but it's such a niche yet important detail to the entirety of the fic that I feel most writers would just skip over. The ending catches you so off guard yet it's so completely perfect and makes so much sense that you wonder how you couldn't have seen it coming yourself. Perfect fucking fic, cries.

.3:13 a.m. (m) by @agustdiv1ne Onto my long vampire agenda. I've consumed every pixel of vampire!txt that I could possibly get my hands on. This I read back in march, but it's the one that has stuck with me throughout this year and that's why I feel it deserves this mention. The writing, the longing and the yearning. The way he literally cannot hold himself back, I am going to die on the vampire beomgyu hill and I shall do so with pride. This fic had everything I'm looking for.

(sort of) fucking annoying neighbour by @hyewka This fic. I love the idea of cocky Yeonjun being put in his place. There's just something so oddly satisfying about the whole build up of this, the growing tension, Yeonjun's cockiness but also his blatant obliviousness is fucking perfect. Then again, anything by rana I will absolutely devour like I was on death row being served my last meal.

𝐆𝐎𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 This year has been on my mind a lot, huge things are to come my way, like graduation! And while I'm nervous as shit for most of them, I can't help but feel a sense of excitement too! This year is going to be my year, and I have so many aspirations for it !

I want to finish Criminal Conscience! The series has been on my mind a lot recently and it's something I've been meaning to get around to for the later part of last year as well, I'm hoping that now can finally be the time!

I want to experiment with different au's, explore the depth of my writing skills.

I want to write something big.

And most importantly I wish to be happy and continue to thrive on this blog <3

2024 was amazing thanks to you guys and though I've had a lot of hardships outside of Tumblr, being on here always made me feel better. I'm wishing for an even better 2025 for all of us ! Love, Serene.

[banannabethchase]

We Could Be a Sweet Team - also on AO3

~

Ayda has never had ice cream before, and Fig simply must fix that fact.

~

Fluff to combat the angst that is real life! I hope you enjoy :) Title from Ice Cream by New Young Pony Club

~

Fig yawns and rests her head on Ayda’s shoulder, doing her best to stay awake on the final stretch of the drive home. Today’s was a short drive, all things considered, but she’s still tired.

“Fig, if you continue to sleep on my shoulder, it will be difficult for me to drive.”

“I’m comfortable,” Fig mumbles. “You’re like a warm blanket or something.”

“One traditionally sleeps under blankets instead of on them, but the sentiment is charming.” She nods her head down to tap it against Fig’s head then lifts up.

“Fine,” Fig groans. “Are we there yet?”

“Momentarily, I would predict,” Ayda says. “I am excited to stop by Basrar’s for the first time.”

“You’ve had ice cream,” Fig says, snorting. “The magic doesn’t, like, make it special. It’s still just ice cream.”

Ayda is quiet for a moment, then more than a moment. It’s long enough that Fig feels…itchy.

“Ayda,” she says, as gently as she can get it, “you have had ice cream before, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t,” she says quietly.

“How have you never had ice cream before?!” Fig flails up and stares at her. “How are you an actual human – part human, at least, whatever – without ever having ice cream?!”

Ayda slows at the stop sign right before Basrar’s parking lot. “Fig, I grew up on a pirate island, raised by an aasimar. I incinerated almost anything I touched when I got too excited for the first four years of my life. Forgive me for being blunt, but I am a very intelligent person and I cannot find a path for success in that pattern for an ice cream trip.”

Fig settles into the passenger seat as Ayda parks. “Oh. Right.” She fights the urge to confirm once again. It seems impossible. “Are you okay?”

“Always, with you,” and Ayda is so sincere and so real it makes Fig’s heart hurt a little. She smiles to Fig, with something a little aching behind it. “Now, let’s go inside. I miss our friends.”

Fig smiles. “Me, too.”

Ayda, in her way, takes Fig’s hand and they walk in. Kristen is in the middle of a very emphatic sentence, arms thrown in the air, while Mary Ann looks on with blank half interest.

“Are you done?” Mary Ann asks.

Fig snickers as Kristen’s face burns almost as red as Ayda’s plumage. “Done?!” Kristen yells. “You think I’ll ever be done?”

“What’d we miss?” Fig asks, shoving at Fabian’s shoulder to scoot in.

“Kristen and Mary Ann are in an argument about the best sign a person is fit,” Mazey says, patting the space next to her for Fabian to scoot in more.

“I suggested a perfectly thrown aerial, but I was immediately yelled at,” Fabian says. He leans in and sips his milkshake. “Kristen said it has to be the amount you can lift, Mary Ann said weights are for bitches, and they’ve been yelling ever since.”

“It’s a bit disturbing,” Gorgug, with a truly haunted expression, says.

“You sure you don’t mean hot?” Fig asks. “Because I remember the last time she annoyed you.”

Gorgug flings ice cream at Fig, and Ayda reaches out to catch it in midair, turning it into milk and whipping it back around to hit Gorgug in the face. At least, it was supposed to. He shifts backward just enough and the now milk slaps Mary Ann in the side of the head.

“Oh, goodness,” Ayda says, flickers of flame dancing around her cheeks. “Hello. I am so sorry. That was supposed to hit Gorgug, as it was aimed for my paramour.” She bows. Fig thinks Ayda may be perfect. “Ayda Aguefort. My apologies.”

Mary Ann, as always, is completely undeterred. Fig wants to learn her ways. She tried once, but it ended with her stomping out of the room, furious. “It’s fine.” Mary Ann whips out a surprisingly long tongue and cleans the ice cream off. “It’s my ice cream, anyway. You’re the principal’s kid?”

Ayda nods and glances at Fig. “Yes. I’m Ayda Aguefort.”

“Cool,” Mary Ann says. “I’m Mary Ann. Do you like Quokki Pets?”

“Who?”

Mary Ann sighs. “Fig, nobody but you. It sucks.”

“I can’t get anybody else to understand how cool they are!” Fig says, sitting on the bench and patting for Ayda to sit on her lap. “Let me see your new ones.”

It had started as a straight up lie to make Mary Ann like them, but Fig had gotten into Quokki Pets just on a whim and it was the easiest way to keep in contact with people other than crystal messages when she and Ayda were off on their travels. Mary Ann would add details of what happened at school or games in the little blurbs of their Pet Chats, and Fig would find out all the little stuff nobody else thought to tell her. She misses the big things, like Kristen and Cassandra alone saving a hoard of possessed water genasi from a poorly controlled pharmaceutical waste dump and Fabian’s winning pass during Homecoming, but she also misses the little things. Hallariel’s weird pregnancy cravings. Adaine’s new bedroom setup. Gorgug’s Cloefca design. Mary Ann tells her all about it in the messages.

Fig had saved the one that said Fabian got pooped on by a pigeon today at practice and made it her phone background. It’s been there for months.

“Figueroth!” Basrar says, eyes sparkling. “It is good to see you again! It is not as fun with your friends without your shenanigans.”

“You say fun, but I think you mean chaotic, and I’m good with either.” She turns to Ayda. “What do you want?”

“I – don’t know?” Ayda looks at Basrar. “Which of your ice creams is best melted?”

Basrar’s expression shifts to one of alarm. “Fig, I do not understand –”

“Gimme the usual and one scoop of your five best sellers,” Fig decides.

“Fig,” Ayda says, and it’s almost charming how bad she is at whispering, “I don’t eat ice cream.”

“You didn’t eat ice cream,” Fig corrects. “I got this.” She frowns. “Wait. Stand up.”

Ayda looks baffled, but she does as Fig requests. Fig loves her. Basrar balances the five ice creams on his arms as they appear and sets them down on the already full table. Fig will make it work.  

“Okay, now sit.”

Ayda sits. Fig straddles her lap.

“Whoa, whoa,” Fabian says, hands up in front of him. “Keep that for the bedroom.”

“Don’t be stupid, Fabian,” Fig says, getting a spoonful of ice cream. “I’m giving her a new experience.”

“That does sound like something I’ve said in the bedroom,” Kristen says, almost wistfully.

“If you make me suffer the idea of Officer Kristen again, I’m creating another simulacrum and sending her to kill you.” Adaine looks dead serious, and Fig takes the moment of distraction to put the spoon to Ayda’s lips.

“Quick,” Fig murmurs. “Before it melts.”

Ayda leans in and takes the ice cream, eyes widening. “Oh!”

“No sex at the table!” Riz barks.

“If this is sex, we’ve been putting in way too much effort,” Mary Ann mutters. Gorgug chokes on his milkshake, Riz yelps in horror, and it gives Fig the chance to give Ayda another spoonful of ice cream. Her eyes flutter shut, almost transcendent. She smiles around the spoon. Fig feels victorious.

“There,” Fig says, finding herself a little breathless. “Now you’ve had ice cream. What do you think?”

Ayda opens her eyes slowly and gives Fig the sweetest smile the world could have ever dreamt of. “I think,” Ayda says, “I would love anything you gave me.”

Kristen starts making gagging sounds, which is pretty rich coming from somebody who used to pull handcuffs out of her backpack while looking for her lunch at school.

“Oh, can it,” Fig snaps. “Go text Tracker or have sex with corn or something.”

Ayda stares. “There’s sentient corn in Elmville?”

“No!” Kristen shrieks. “I do not have sex with corn!”

“She masturbates with corn,” Fig clarifies. “It’s the same concept.”

“I’m going to run into the woods,” Riz mutters, slinking into the seat. “Maybe rat city will be easier to handle.”

“Are you kidding?” Mazey asks. “They’re rodents. They probably talk about sex even more than them.”

“Let the record show I didn’t say anything about sex until Kristen mentioned Officer Kristen,” Fig says. She gives Ayda another bite, sure to keep the spoon in the cup of ice water next to her to cool it down between bites.

“Fabian mentioned sex first!” Kristen says. “You suck. Go be gay somewhere else.”

“We’ve been gay somewhere else for months,” Ayda says, grinning.

“Yeah, what a shitty welcome,” Fig says. She wiggles a little to get balanced, and there’s a tiny lick of flame that dances across Ayda’s cheeks. Just for the quickest flash of a second. “Haven’t any of you missed us?”

“We have,” Fabian says. “But now you’ve shoved a dirty spoon in my water, like, eight times, so the effect has worn off.”

They chat and eat ice cream and tip Basrar absurdly, until the group of them is walking down the street toward Mordred Manor, approaching familiar lights as the sun dips down below the horizon.

“We look like hooligans,” Riz says gleefully. “Watch out, world, the Bad Kids are stepping out.”

“That was the dorkiest thing you could have said,” Kristen says, not even looking up from her phone. She grins.

“I know that smile,” Fig says. “Are you texting Tracker?”

Kristen’s eyes flit over to Fig. “What? No. Who’s Tracker?”

“You are so stupid,” Adaine says fondly, resting her head on Kristen’s shoulder. “I adore you.”

“You’re no help,” Kristen grumbles. “Yes, I’m texting Tracker. We’re…trying the friends thing. Before anything gets too romantic again. Don’t want to rush into things this time.”

“Can’t relate.” Fig grabs Ayda and spins her into a dip, kissing her long enough that even Fabian starts awkwardly clearing his throat.

“I get you guys are, like, living together now, but this is a lot.”

Fig pulls away. “Mom!” She grabs Ayda by the hand and drags her up the steps of Mordred Manor, throwing herself into her mom’s arms in a way that she hasn’t done since she was very, very small.

“I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder,” Sandra Lynn chuckles. “Hey, sweetheart.” There’s a press of lips to the top of Fig’s head, even though she’s far taller than her mother now. “I missed you, too.”

Fig pulls back to see Ayda looking a little uncomfortable, a little awkward, until Sandra Lynn pulls her in for a hug.

“I’ll burn you!” Ayda half squawks.

“I have burn cream,” Sandra Lynn says. She holds Ayda close, and there’s no signs of panicked flame. Ayda looks relaxed.

The hug lasts long enough for the rest of the group to shuffle into the house, and it’s Ayda and Fig and her mom hanging out on the porch. It feels more natural than Fig could have expected. It feels easier than it has since before high school.

“I’m glad to have you back, even if it is just for a short time,” Sandra Lynn says, kissing Ayda’s forehead briefly then pulling away. “Ah. Forgot.”

Ayda, looking a little baffled, blinks. “Sorry. I run warm, as I am a bird of fire.”

“No need to apologize, kiddo,” Sandra Lynn says, and Fig’s not sure she’s ever loved her mom more. “Alright. Let’s head in. You all got ice cream already?”

Ayda lights up, and Fig’s heart does a really weird flippy thing that could easily be a severe medical illness she decides to ignore. “Fig gave me ice cream,” Ayda says, basically floating into the door. “Real ice cream. Still frozen!”

Sandra Lynn listens intently to Ayda speaking about the best ice cream she tried – the strawberry cheesecake was her winner – as they enter the living room. Gorgug looks completely disinterested as Fabian, Adaine, and Mary Ann appear to be in some sort of argument.

“I just suggested the Quokki Pets movie again because your ideas suck,” Mary Ann says, like she’s vaguely engaged in the conversation. There’s probably other things she’s more interested in than the move, as she’s seated in Gorgug’s lap, but Fig’s begun to think she just likes arguing.

“Stop insulting my movies!” Adaine yells. “It is not my fault you were all raised on Elmville trash! Get some taste!”

“I am not sitting through another one of your artsy fartsy movies that are all in fucking Elvish,” Fabian says. “And I speak Elvish! What about Gorgug?”

“I don’t really care what we watch,” Gorgug says, his hands around Mary Ann’s waist. She’s been good for him, Fig thinks. He looks relaxed. “But, um, something in a language I understand would be nice.”

Riz opens his mouth, almost definitely to suggest one of his weird history documentaries, when Kristen giggles. It’s unexpected enough that she wouldn’t be advocating for Imagine Me and You for the millionth time that the room goes silent and everybody looks at her. The silence seems to last long enough that she looks up. “What?” Her cheeks flush. “Yeah, okay, why is everybody staring at me?”

“Go fuck a corn,” Ayda says gleefully. It’s – it’s not quite what the moment called for, exactly, but Fig can’t help but burst into laughter at Kristen’s befuddlement. The rest of the room shifts from giggles to raucous laughter suddenly enough that Fig can dive to the TV and turn on her favorite movie. She knows well enough by now that it’ll be background noise within a few minutes.

Kristen throws herself across Fig and Adaine, resting her head in Ayda’s lap as they take over the couch while Riz perches on the top of the cushions behind Fig. Fabian and Mazey commandeer Jawbone’s recliner. Gorgug and Mary Ann stretch out on the floor with Boggy settling on Adaine’s knee, but close enough that Mary Ann can reach out to give him pats on the top if his round head. They talk and tease, and Fig realizes how much she’s missed this in the first semester she’s been away from Aguefort. She wipes at her eyes right before the dramatic ending of the movie. She would have gotten away with it if her elbow hadn’t bumped Kristen in the shoulder.

“Are you crying?” Kristen asks through a handful of popcorn Jawbone had brought in around the hour mark.

“No,” Fig says. “Shut up.”

“She is,” Ayda says, snuggling more into Fig’s side. “But it’s because she loves us all very much.”

“Not crying,” Fig lies.

“We missed you too, Fig.” Adaine bumps her head against Fig’s. “And we love you, too.”

“Sappy,” she squeaks. But she really never has felt so loved as she does right now.

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

Yknow what. I’m not done complaining about dc. I started bitching in the tags of my prev post & i have more feelings. I get a stack of dc every month & we’ll take the vertigo (i refuse to call it anything else if only cause it’s shorter) stuff out i still have like 6 titles a month. That is if dc decides they’ll actually put out a jsa issue that month. The ones I’m most excited to read rn? Flash, Birds of Prey, & Green Arrow. Why? Cause the characters feel like the characters i fell in love with & the story is actually compelling. Yes, green arrow is suffering hard from the crossover shoehorning but the whole physically cannot occupy the same time and space as the people you love is a legit issue for Ollie & fascinating gotcha from Merlyn. Like, it’s novel! And I’m curious to see how it shakes out. The weird string theory/comic book physics around the speed force that spurrier is doing in flash is honestly REALLY cool. I’ll be the first to say i couldn’t care less about the speed force. It works cause it’s plot the only reason the flashes study it is cause they’re a bunch of adhd scientists who can’t help themselves & the writers feel the need to put their stamp on it. The whole weird dimensions & alien beings & time cops is super strange but hella compelling & the way it’s affecting the characters & eroding their relationships which are so core to flash characters is really amazing I love how much it hurts. Truly i cannot wait to see how exactly this shakes out. Know what I don’t care for? Whatever the fuck Amanda Waller is doing. I, who normally hates “let’s study the speed force!” stories wishes we could get back to studying the speed force cause the whole ham fisted analogy crossover thing is so boring & not even original. I think dc has done this exact plot at least twice before. In main continuity. It pops up every couple years anymore & it will never be what the 80s x-men were & they need to just stop trying. And bop! I love bop right now! I could wax poetic about the art styles cause they’re stunning & SO expressive. In a post where I’m bitching about stories I’ll just leave it there. The story itself? Pretty interesting, if standard bop stuff at first. Gotta put a ragtag team of gals together to do something low key shady cause it’s the right thing. The team is a nice mix; tho I’m not sorry to see Harley go, she’s another character that I understand sells comics but I am so sick of seeing it is not even funny. It’s not even that I dislike her as a character I’m just over her being in every single comic. And the dimension hopping weird babs rescue mission? I’m in! Where we going next? What even is the reason? Sure, we just rescued sin in a very similar plot structure but idc! The writing is fun! The dialogue is fun! The page of Cass’s reactions to vixen’s lingerie options is BRILLIANT! Love the lineup! It’s nailing what I think jsa is attempting but in a more fun & lighthearted tone. Tbh I’m not sure cause I’m still not sure what’s going on in jsa since they seem to publish it at will every like 3-5 months so I have no real clue what’s going on in that one. And I’ve been reading it for like 2 years now. I’m so tired of Nightwing & titans. I, a titans girlie, find it so boring. They’re both boring! From go they’ve been extensions of each other which is frustrating. Some moments in each I really enjoy! But overall? I still don’t see where Nightwing is going & tbh it feels like dick has spent this whole time doing nothing. Despite the fact that we were told he did so much he got a key to the city! He did adopt a dog. That’s like the most memorable & only real thing that he achieved. Cause the foundation? He’s a bat. They all do that. And titans? Oh wow. Another Raven goes evil story. Wow. How shocking. How original. Like honestly, is there some word on high at dc about the titans not being allowed to do a story that isn’t rehashing Judas contract or trigon? Cause I cannot be the only person bored with those being the only 2 titans plots anymore.

[illegiblescript]

I made this blog for talking when I feel like I have no one to talk to. I've been using it to let out a lot of negative feelings, but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about the good stuff either.

I mean, I haven't used this blog in a while, so I've actually had people who talked to me and listened to me and hung out with me and made me feel included for a bit! I went to job corps as an office admin trainee. I finished in less than 5 months and now I have an awesome job as a title clerk/administrative assistant.

at job corps, I had a large group of decent friends and a smaller (but still pretty big) group of close friends and found myself hanging between friend groups very often. I miss them every single day. my instructor was amazing and really, because of her truly believing in me so much that I had no choice but to believe in myself, I was able to say for the first time in my life that I was proud of myself. I've been proud of things I've done, but never of myself. for a large majority of my time, my dorm was a family to me. we all lifted each other up and, even though things were going smooth because of my distance from home, I knew that if I needed someone to talk to, I could knock on any door and someone would listen. it's been difficult not having that anymore.

but after job corps, I started this sweet job! it pays well, I'm getting experience for the position I want to retire in, I enjoy what I do, and it's just me and my boss and my boss is so cool. I cannot express how much she has made this enjoyable. not only is she just an all around enjoyable person to be around, she and I both have adhd, so the way she teaches Perfectly matches the way I learn. it's unreal. I haven't even been there a full month yet (very close) and when I did orientation, I told her I had planned a trip and wanted to know if it would work for me to go on it and she was totally okay with it and keeps bringing it up, asking for pictures. ah! it's awesome!

I mean, there are not so awesome things too, but even though they really upset me for a brief moment, I've learned to handle it. before job corps, I wouldn't have reached out to a friend to talk about it, but I did and the response was what it should be when you have a friend in need and enough space to listen. long story short, I've been feeling really lonely. people like me, but not enough to make the sacrifices I've been making and that friendships require. I recently had a friend completely stop talking to me after I asked for better communication. I hurt him on accident, he hurt me on purpose in response, and although I apologized (he hasnt responded) and I'm worried about him, I don't think I want be friends with him anymore. on top of that, I've kinda noticed that no one really talks to me. if I don't start any conversations, I will not have any conversations. there are certain friends I don't expect that from, but when I can go nearly any length of time without anyone trying to start a conversation with me, it gets disheartening. I've tried not to let it bother me and I've decided to start playing viola more. I'm more excited to play viola more than I am upset about being lonely. things are alright B)

[doctortreklock]

The Derision of Sartorial Speculation - March 27, 2019

Part of my Resolution19. Read it on AO3.

Prompt: Imagine person A of your otp is reading a book late at night and person B can’t sleep so they ask person A to read to them so person A starts reading out loud and a few minutes later person B is completely knocked out and person A gives them a kiss on their forehead. (x)

Fandom: Good Omens

Words: 734

Like everything else, the clothes angels wear correspond, and since they do correspond they truly exist. Their clothes reflect their intelligence, so all the people in heaven are dressed according to their intelligence; and since one will surpass another in intelligence, one will have better quality clothing than another.

Aziraphale snorted, belatedly throwing a hand over his mouth in an attempt to stifle the sound. The figure next to him on the bed grumbled and rolled over.

The most intelligent wear clothes that gleam as though aflame, some radiant as though alight. The less intelligent wear pure white and soft white clothes that do not shine, and those still less intelligent wear clothes of various colors. The angels of the inmost heaven, though, are naked.

He couldn't help the chuckle this time. Beside him, the dark-haired being grumbled some more and sat up against the headboard, so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"C'mon, Zira," Crowley groaned. "It's hard enough trying to get to sleep without you giggling over there."

"I'm sorry, my dear," Aziraphale said, though his sincerity was belayed by the smile on his face. "I just can't help it."

"You could stop reading," Crowley interjected sourly.

"It's this Swedenborg chap," Aziraphale continued as if Crowley hadn't interrupted. "He has very...peculiar thoughts on angels."

"Swedenborg..." Crowley squinted as he tried to remember. "Swedish chap, alchemist, thought Jesus told him to stop stuffing his face?"

Aziraphale sighed. "An accurate, but limited summary, my dear."

"Well how would you put it?" Crowley asked crossly.

"A Swedish anatomist and metallurgist who believed he could talk to angels and demons and spirits and wrote a book that includes a chapter on what angels wear." Aziraphale started with a straight face and the best of intentions, but by the end he was gesticulating wildly, barely managing not to clip Crowley on the head with the thick volume he was holding.

Crowley scowled in recognition. "Was he the wanker who said the Serpent of Eden was a metaphor for the senses?"

Aziraphale pursed his lips. "And the Guardian of the Eastern Gate was a metaphor for the way self-absorption keeps you from considering doubting."

Crowley snorted in derision. "So what's he got to say that's got you in stitches? Or is it a laugh-or-cry scenario?"

"No, no, nothing like that, my dear. He just..." Aziraphale searched for a way to properly convey the sheer ridiculousness of the text. He came up empty. "Just listen."

Aziraphale cleared his throat, turned the page, and began reading, the Latin flowing cleanly and easily from his tongue. "Because angels’ clothes correspond to their intelligence, they also correspond to what is true, since all intelligence comes from divine truth."

Crowley huffed a laugh and began to sink down on the bed, relaxing into the pillows. "He obviously never saw your tartan, angel."

"Hush. So it amounts to the same thing whether you say that angels are dressed according to their intelligence or according to divine truth. The reason the garments of some angels gleam as though aflame, while the garments of others shine as though alight, is that flame corresponds to what is good, and light to what is true because of that good."

"Flaming sword," Crowley mumbled, his eyelids drooping.

"Quite. The reason some garments are pure white and soft white and do not shine, while others are of various colors, is that divine good and truth are less dazzling and are also differently accepted among less intelligent people."

The expected comment from Crowley did not emerge, and Aziraphale looked down to see the demon fast asleep. He paused in his reading and watched Crowley sleep for a moment, a soft smile spreading on his face. "Good night, my dear," he murmured, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Crowley's forehead. The demon mumbled something back that might have been "G'night, angel."

Aziraphale turned back to his book, but hesitated. It seemed quite impossible to read Swedenborg with a straight face, and Crowley had just dropped off. Besides, Aziraphale decided, the next section was on angelic housing, and Crowley was sure to enjoy listening to that.

The angel closed the book gently and set it on his nightstand. His reading light obligingly found itself dimmed, and Aziraphale settled down into the bed, curving towards his demonic companion, who curled himself into Aziraphale's warmth like the snake he once was.

They slept.

[theageoftheunderstatement]

The Sydney Morning Herald: Arctic Monkeys left planet rock a while back. Is The Car the U-turn fans wanted?

Written by Michael Dwyer, 13/10/2022

Alex Turner is looking shellshocked. The man widely hailed as one of rock’s greatest lyricists is nursing a green tea he hopes will nip his European jetlag in the bud and doing his best to answer the questions I’ve flown halfway around the world to ask him.

The Arctic Monkeys frontman says he was expecting the band’s latest album, The Car, would find them back on familiar ground following the polarising sixth album that unsettled some fans in 2018. But then he admits that they may not be “completely off the moon yet”.

Some time ago, he’d hinted that this forthcoming album would mark a popular return, of sorts, to the more sinewy live band stuff that made Arctic Monkeys Britain’s fastest-selling garage rock sensation 16 years ago.

But promises count for little when the muse drapes herself across the piano in a velveteen suit and yields a fabulous lead single called There’d Better Be A Mirrorball. If the sophisticated sci-fi of the Sheffield band’s last album, Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino, ruffled a few hoodies, The Car signals a continued, unrepentant evolution of sound and mood.

Turner agrees in his hesitant, oblique way. “I thought if I called it The Car it meant that I was back on Earth suddenly,” he half jokes. “But I’ve found it’s not that simple.”

Sitting in an otherwise empty bar at the east end of Hollywood Boulevard that’s been opened just for us, Arctic Monkeys’ singer, writer and conceptual architect looks earthbound enough in his bright blue jeans, neatly pressed khaki shirt and casually excellent coif.

He wears the job of explaining himself in the first round of another hundred interviews with a certain stoic deliberation. He’s clearly the kind of artist more comfortable expressing himself in the act of creation than in conversation, and I’m warned in advance he takes his time answering questions.

This is probably one reason we’re face-to-face here in LA rather than stumbling on the phone. Another is doubtless a strategy to regain some of the US/ international traction that slipped with that last mould-shattering album.

In truth, there’s little Turner can say that could match the wry, eloquent observations of his lyrics. “I had big ideas, the band were so excited, the kind you’d rather not share over the phone,” he sings on Big Ideas, an especially lush new track. “But now the orchestra’s got us all surrounded and I cannot for the life of me remember how they go.”

He smiles at that. “I like the idea that it knows it’s a record,” he says.

Born to a languages teacher and a swing band musician, Turner’s trademark poetic insight into his immediate surroundings was fully formed with the first Arctics album of 2006, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not. But a first-class trans-Atlantic rock star upgrade later, the teenaged rough and tumble of Friday night in the clubs of northern England has naturally given way to more surreal subject matter, seemingly informed by the showbiz cocoon that this city is renowned for.

“I wouldn’t rule that out,” he says at last, more mystified than evasive. “I think it sometimes takes a degree of hindsight to assess how much or how little a place has influenced something you’ve done.”

He admits that there were certain moments on that last album, a loose concept outing set in an off-world luxury hotel, that “connected with this place”. The space-age lounge setting could be read as a bemused metaphor for life among the pampered rock star elite. “I just wanted to be one of The Strokes,” went the first line to the Hollywood cocktail bar opener, Star Treatment. “Now look at the mess you made me make.”

Prosaic album title aside, The Car is another clever metaphor, as the leader of Sheffield’s most celebrated gang of youths continues his escape into lavishly arranged and lyrically layered territory with ample reference to the resistance he’s encountered en route. It’s an album that knows how much its precursor polarised fans and critics miffed by the piano-led departure from the Arctics’ electric guitar roots.

“The setting” for any record, he says not unreasonably, “is the situation that I felt I knew the best. With [the first album], that is what felt comfortable at that time and then as time goes on that becomes perhaps less comfortable. You start to ask the question, well, should it be comfortable, even, now?

“I can’t completely concede that I’m still writing about my surroundings in that same way but … I can’t completely disagree either. But then, I don’t know if it always has to be totally honest, either. There’s times when I think it makes sense to reach into some unknown and see what you can get.

“That whole idea of how to write, and what am I going to write about, that question feels like it belongs very much to that time after that first record. I can vaguely remember wondering, how much more of this am I going to do? Not how much more of writing about the taxi rank, necessarily, but … I didn’t see this place where we are now, then.”

How could he have? In a few days, Arctic Monkeys will be the climactic act at LA’s three-day Primavera Sounds Festival, one of precious few rock acts in a global pop landscape completely transformed since young Alex Turner thought he wanted to be one of The Strokes. Today he’s thrilled when I mention that parts of The Car remind me of Nelson Riddle’s work for Frank Sinatra.

As one of the flagship acts (with Franz Ferdinand) on leading British indie label Domino, he clearly feels a responsibility, probably even a desire to maintain a certain status quo, if not commercial then surely in terms of the bond he shares with school buddies Matt Helders (drums), Jamie Cook (guitar) and slightly later recruit Nick O’Malley (bass).

But surely he must also feel a growing disconnect between the business he’s expected to do with his band of brothers at music festivals and the more elegant, perhaps ironic, and frankly more isolated music he’s making in the studio?

“I think that’s something I was more concerned with with the last record. I remember feeling like we’re gonna struggle to stick some of these things in the set. How’s this going to play out? But in the end, it sort of worked itself out. And that gives me the confidence now to think that we can do this... With the strings element of this record, I’m probably not going to go down that road in the show. But I don’t know even that. At some point, maybe.”

Sting says — Turner laughs, guessing where this is going — that grown men can’t be in rock bands. Life inevitably draws gangs of boys apart as they discover who they are and what they want to do. In the bigger picture, it’s tempting to see the mutation of Arctic Monkeys as a neat illustration of the end of the rock age: from old school garage band to bruised solo act (in all but name) in one epic, final lap. It’s hardly fair to ask the shell-shocked protagonist to comment on that theory…

But “the way it comes together now is different,” he concedes after careful consideration. He alludes to the work he’s released in various solo and collaborative settings – as Last Shadow Puppets with Miles Kane and as solo acoustic soundtrack composer and other creative guises. They’ve slowly steered him away from the group rehearsal room process in favour of multi-track demos created solo, then presented to the lads.

So to quote his lyrics back to him, is the band really always so excited about his Big Ideas? He laughs again. “To be honest, I mean… I can’t say no, can I?”

Nothing about any of this at any point in the last 20 years has given me a reason to believe that you can go backwards.

The Primavera festival crowd is at peak sunburn when Arctic Monkeys take the headlining Sunday night stage a few days later. If I’m not mistaken, it’s a snazzy swing tune by the Stan Kenton Orchestra that heralds their arrival: nothing to frighten the kids, but not something likely to crop up on their Strokes Radio playlists either.

What follows is a cracker Arctic Monkeys festival set, mostly drawn from AM, their platinum-selling American breakthrough of 2013, an album still in the Top 10 vinyl records chart in Australia. There’s also a smattering of hits from the rest of the albums and just one for now from The Car, the ironically apt I Ain’t Quite Where I Think I Am.

“We’ll have more by the time we play in Australia,” Turner promises.

Sure enough, within a couple of weeks, three or four songs from The Car will have earned their place in the band’s setlist, even if the holy grail for any established rock sensation remains elusive: a brand new song with the clout to close the show.

“I’ll be totally honest,” Turner says. “There certainly was the thought at the end of the tour in 2019 about … ‘Let’s do some songs that we can close the show with’. That was in my head, where I thought I wanted to go, but then I sort of came to realise that it’s not there any more.

“In that moment, at the end of the tour, it seemed like it’d be easier to get back there for some reason. I don’t know why I was so naive, because nothing about any of this at any point in the last 20 years has given me a reason to believe that you can go backwards.”

What he says next might be a veiled clue about what lies ahead for him in relation to the band he might, according to the Sting maxim, outgrow and retire any moment now. Maybe this latest, unapologetic leap forward comes with an implicit invitation for his fans and his brand to simply take it or leave it. Or like his lyrics, it might just be him thinking aloud, leaving us to join the dots.

“What I do think,” he says, “is in essence, something about that initial idea of this kind of show-closer thing does feel like it has stuck around in the creation of this record. It’s just like an inverted version of what that meant in my mind in 2019.

“I’m not saying that any of these songs are necessarily going to close a show and be like that moment in the gig, but I do think there’s something … if I squint, there’s something about that feeling that does exist.”

It makes me think of Perfect Sense, the gorgeous, elegiac closing song on the new record. “Sometimes I wrap my head around it all and it makes perfect sense,” Turner sings. “Keep reminding me that it ain’t a race when my invincible streak turns onto the final straight. If that’s what it takes to say goodnight then that’s what it takes.”

I mean, if you could find yourself an audience that would allow you to finish with that song, that’s kind of unbeatable, I suggest. He considers that idea for a while, as if for the first time. “Right, right,” he says at last.

[liketheinferno2]

I cannot express the degree of unhinged cathartic mania I am feeling about the dark knight quests, huge spoilers ahead:

(I have failed) to keep this brief:

DRK as a class OPENS on the concept of putting down abusers and rapist knights to make the world safer for the vulnerable. That is what the class is ABOUT, it is the very first thing you do when that sword's placed in your hands.

Dark Knights as an in-universe concept started with a knight who cut down a pedophile priest in the street and had to renounce his title. All others carry on this legacy.

Rielle is being relentlessly pursued by a priest with a task force of knights, and if you've been paying attention to that first part, YOU ARE NOW AFRAID.

But then they reveal it's her mother who wants her dead because of dragon blood bullshit, so maybe not.

Sid has this to say when that first comes up:

I must note she denies him twice in this scene. Nonspecific and vaguely at that, but he's not talking about the specific thing she thinks he is either. He's extending a hand to say "you didn't want it, you're not tainted and I'll keep you safe from anything like [whatever happened] from now on", in a way she can relate to. I don't believe Sidurgu believes in the concept of sin as it is in Halonic faith, but Rielle does, so that's how he phrases it. He's also projecting a hell of lot in order to make this assumption, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Sid and Rielle are written as two people who implicitly understand what is wrong with the other one because they see too much of themselves in each other. Rielle should be far, far too young to be able to do this considering what Sid's been though, and Sid is frighteningly on-the-nose with most of his assumptions about Rielle despite never consulting her. Both of these reflect terribly on each other.

Rielle hides things from him for no apparent reason, even though she's otherwise extremely sensitive and intelligent. This is really common of abused kids and I like how real it is, it causes PROBLEMS.

Despite the problems it's that deep understanding that allows them to have their confrontations without any fear, the selfishness inherent in self defense butts up against the pain of watching others suffer when you could be suffering for them. Or, god forbid, no one need suffer at all...

But then Rielle says this:

The implication being that he keeps her around because she's desirable. Not only is Sid horrified by this accusation, it's also like... extremely significant that Rielle thinks this is an insult you can flippantly level at a PARENTAL FIGURE.

I'm just gonna paste a couple of the bits from Ystride here:

(Equating Rielle to her ex husband)

"Pray forgive my sins, for laying down with Your enemies."

Sid equating this to his own life SO HEAVILY that he confuses who he's fighting for also feels noteworthy to me. "At last," he says, "it was my turn." Which implies that it took a while.

It's layered. It's so layered. It's put together in the strange ways these two interact with each other exclusive of you. You're an outsider in this narrative, while Sid and Rielle are Those Who Know. If you're playing this and you know, you get clued into all these little horrors underneath what is already a harrowing story. I didn't think this game could EVER get me excited about a questline where someone other than the WOL is the protagonist going through their big journey, because I've disliked it all other times it happened, but they've gone and done it here. This was brutal and real and it barely had to tell me anything directly. GOOD CLASS.

[iliveiloveiwrite]

make me be true, make me be blue // Anthony Bridgerton

A/N: As much as I love Benedict, I also love Anthony. The last part of this is extremely inspired by a scene from The Crown - let’s see if you can guess which one! Title: Harry Connick jr - It Had To Be You

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!Reader

Warnings: arguing, an argument, lots of love and fluff, caring, established relationship, married couple, suggestiveness, female pronouns, use of word ‘wife’. 

Word count: 2.8k

As the season in London drew to a close, it could be seen on every face that they were tired of the dancing and the music and the lukewarm lemonade. It was never a comment on the talent of the musicians unless, perhaps, it was a Smythe-Smith musical. Their seasonal musical was never welcomed with much excitement, but very few could say no to the quartet of young women.

Nevertheless, whomever the artist may be, many were glad for the season to draw to a close. Sighing tiredly, you bid your goodbyes to the latest lady to draw you into conversation. Your lavender skirts swish gently under foot as you wander around the lavishly decorated ballroom, in search for your dear husband.

You spy his hair first; the dark brown hair standing a head taller than the rest of the men he currently spoke with. Repressing another tired sigh, you note that the elderly white-haired men Anthony was standing with were of large importance in society.

“The Revolution was over two decades ago, and it seems France traded in one monarch for another,” is what you hear as you sidle up to Anthony. He smiles down at you, hooking his arm through yours, before turning his attention back to the conversation.

Anthony nods along; his interest piqued but not to the point where he would happily contribute to the debate. Instead, he simply offers, “True, a king for an emperor.”

“Surely Napoleon is still in exile,” You comment lightly, eyebrows furrowing at the topic of conversation between the men. They would never see a day of war between them; having enough money between them meaning they would not have dress in a uniform. As such, there was no need for the conversation.

“Dear girl, Napoleon left Elba and landed back in Paris last week. Do you read the papers?” Lord Hugo states, a dismissive look on his face as if questioning your very presence in the conversation. He frowns at your comfortable stance next to your husband, wondering why you aren’t socialising with the other wives.

A flush heats your body; rising anger. Turning to Anthony, you squeeze the hand that rests on his forearm, a silent plea for help but your husband remains silent.

Ducking your head, you state through clenched teeth, “Pardon me, Lord Hugo. I must be making a round of the room; I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was neglecting my womanly duties.”

“As you should,” The Lord replies as you turn your back to him. You bristle from the comment, back straightening despite the corset designed to do such an action. It wouldn’t be long now until Anthony wrapped up the conversation; seeking you out through the crowd. For you however, the ball was over – nothing left to be said.

------------

Stalking through the large house, you ignore the increasing calls of your husband. Having left the carriage in a hurry of skirts, silks and ribbons, Anthony had begun immediately calling your name – wanting you to stop and wait, to stop and listen.

Even the Butler remains silent as he catches a glimpse of your face and the thunderous expression it currently holds. Silently, the Butler offers a prayer for the wellbeing of Viscount Anthony Bridgerton.

“You’re really going to remain silent?” Anthony calls from the bottom of the staircase, one foot poised on the bottom step, ready to launch himself upstairs at a moment’s call.

Pausing in your retreat, you throw a glare at your husband. A look that definitely shows you were not up for talking on the stairs.

Anthony nods, seemingly understanding this. “So it’s the silent treatment until we’re in our room,” He pauses, beginning the ascent to the bedroom he has shared with you since the first night of your marriage, “Understandable.”

You roll your eyes, walking away from the man that had managed to vex you so thoroughly.

Shoving open the door to your shared bedroom does little to siphon off some of the anger you feel. In fact, it only increases when you try to work the laces of your dress free by yourself, frustrated tears brewing in the corner of your eyes as you manoeuvre yourself into every position possible to try and free yourself.

Slumping at your dressing table, you come to realise that it was more humiliation that you felt.

Your husband was a marvellous man; intelligent, funny, respectful and incredibly handsome. Yet, he had moments where he could so fantastically obtuse.

The moment played in your mind on a constant loop; the words of disdain from the Lord, Anthony’s silence. A constant loop in your mind; it would be a while before your mind rested enough to let you have some peace.

Brushing your hands through your hair, you loosen the pins that keep in place, beginning the painstaking process of removing them. All the while thinking that if the night had gone better, Anthony would be the one removing them, offering you a kiss for each pin removed.

--------

Anthony had taken his time walking to the bedroom, running through the events of the evening, thinking where he might have gone wrong – said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing. He found the moment; realised what he had said or rather, what he hadn’t said, and how it had come across. Lord Hugo was an incredibly influential man, and whilst Anthony outranked him in his peerage, his youth made him all but an inexperienced whelp in Hugo’s eyes.

Hindsight was truly an excellent gift to possess. He should have said something; Hugo’s influence be damned. He should have spoken up; should have defended you.

Gently, he rests his forehead against the closed door of the bedroom. He takes a deep breath and places a hand on the wooden panel; desperate to reach through to you, but he knows that there is far more on your mind than comfort at this point.

Anthony enters the bedroom slowly, closing the door softly behind him. “Are you ready to talk me now, darling?” Anthony asks, voice soft but tone wary as he takes in your defeated state.

“You humiliated me in front of that odious man by staying silent.”

His eyes widen; truly unaware of such a misdeed taking place. “I didn’t know, truly.”

“That’s what hurts most, Anthony. This is not a marriage of equals, darling. I know you love me as much as I love you, but I have brought nothing to this marriage. I did not get the pleasure to go to university despite doing so well in my studies. I cannot travel freely, and I cannot speak my mind whenever I damn well please. There are going to be some topics that I am not going to be an expert on, but you can try your best not to defend me when I get things wrong.”

“Darling, I didn’t mean any harm.”

You sniffle, wiping away the few tears that have dared to fall. “I know you didn’t, yet it still happened.”

Anthony opens and closes his mouth, searching for something – anything – to say that could make this better, but nothing comes to mind, so nothing leaves his mouth.

A pained noise leaves your lips as you turn away from your husband, reaching for your face cream, your hairbrush – anything to keep your hands busy and the tears at bay.

Finally, a sigh is all you hear, and you figure that the conversation is done for the evening. A lingering kiss is placed to the top of your head before Anthony leaves the bedroom, presumably retiring to his study.

Once free of the confines your dress, you dress for bed, crawling under the covers. Running a hand down your face, you couldn’t help but hope Anthony would join you soon. Despite the anger you felt at the man, you couldn’t fall asleep without him next to you.

---------

You wake alone. Anthony’s side of the bed is ruffled; he had joined you an hour after you had slide under the covers. He hadn’t said anything; he had simply gathered you in his arms, holding you tightly, pressing apologetic kiss after apologetic kiss to whatever piece of bare skin he could reach.

Stretching a hand to his side of the bed, the sheets are cold. Reaching for his pillow, you hold it to your face, inhaling the spiciness of whatever cologne he used last night. Keeping the pillow close, you turn onto your back, thinking over the events of last night.

You had every right to be annoyed; you had every right to feel the way you did. If this was a different society, you would not rely on Anthony to defend you – you would have spoken your mind to Lord Hugo. But this was not a different society, and its trappings were stifling. For the hope of future generations, you couldn’t help but pray things would soon change.

------------

The day moves slowly. Tea with Anthony’s mother and sisters followed by a visit to the modiste. No sign of Anthony with every visit home and your mood drops with every shake of the Butler’s head.

Eventually, you find refuge in the library, searching through the books and the papers there. It had been so long since you had read something that was not a romance. Pride and Prejudice had been published just two years ago and you had read it countless times; enjoying the author’s way with words and her creation of Mr. Darcy. However, instead of picking up the latest romance, you chose to return to the books you had so adored in your education – historical accounts of past monarchs and their reigns, accounts of wars.

It was not for the sake of Lord Hugo who sneered at you with such derision; it was for your benefit. Knowledge was free and you owned the library through marriage, why shouldn’t you take a look?

-----------

The Butler clearing his throat is what brings your attention back to the present. Having lost yourself so freely in an account of the witch hunts that had plagued the north of England; the book had caught your eye, tucked away and gathering dust. The subject had immediately caught your interest, and you soon found yourself searching for all the books you could on the subject.

Smiling sheepishly at the Butler, you ask, “Have some guests arrived? I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

He shakes his head, smiling fondly at you, “I thought you would like to know that the Viscount has returned home. He is currently in his study.”

Standing from your chair, you deposit your book on a table before thanking the Butler and rushing up the stairs to Anthony’s study. You pause just outside the door, gathering yourself, tidying your appearance and slowing your breathing to an acceptable rate.

Knocking on the door, your heart begins to pound in your chest as you hear his warm voice giving you permission to enter.

Anthony freezes in his chair when he sees you enter his study. Your eyes are bright and there’s a faint flush to your skin that has Anthony’s eyes raking over your body, curious to know what’s caused such a reaction in you.

“Darling,” He greets, voice kind and warm.

“Darling,” You reply, watching the smile grow across his face when he hears the fondness in your voice.

“How has your day been?” Anthony asks, drawing out the inevitable conversation.

You smile widely, “I spent most of it in the library, reading.”

“A new romance novel?”

You shake your head, smoothing down the skirts of your sage green dress, “The trials of the Berwick and Pendle witches.”

Anthony’s eyes widen almost comically. “I didn’t even know we had books on the topic.”

“Neither did I, but I’ve been reading through the accounts all day. It truly is fascinating. Did you know History was my strongest subject when I was in education?”

Again, Anthony shakes his head. He didn’t know; he hadn’t asked. You shrug, “Arithmetic, Geography, Latin… They never grasped me as much as History did. I would read for hours about whatever I could find: the Tudors, the Saxons, military strategy…” At the further widening of Anthony’s eyes, you continue, “I suppose as I grew older and I was then out as a debutante, I lost the habit.”

“Perhaps,” Anthony murmurs before saying, “You can always find the habit again.”

You smile widely; the grin brightening your face as it stretches to your eyes. “I was hoping you’d say that darling,” You begin, “I want to be more involved, Anthony. I don’t want to be a silent partner; I want to be there; I want to comment. I want to know what is happening with foreign affairs whether it is Napoleon or the price of tea. I want to know because I want to be on a more equal footing with you. I refuse to be humiliated that way again; it was awful, to be dismissed in that manner by that loathsome man.”

You stand before your husband, chest heaving in your restrictive dress. The words lay loud in the room; your plea for Anthony to speak up for you, your demand for further equality in your marriage.

“I called on Lord Hugo this afternoon,” Anthony states rather plainly after you fall silent, as if the meeting had been in his date book for months.

“You did?” You frown at him; wondering whether he had heard a single word that you had flung into the great expanse.

He nods. “He was rather surprised to see me. I’ll admit I didn’t plan on calling on him, but I kept thinking of last night and how destroyed you looked. I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again for as long as I shall live. So,” He shrugs, “I paid the Lord a visit.”

“How did it go?”

Anthony holds his right up and it is then that you see the dark purple now beginning to bruise his knuckles. “I may have lost my temper when I remembered how he spoke to you and how you felt afterwards,” Anthony pauses and then laughs loudly, “And I may have punched him in the face.”

“Anthony!” You berate, repressing the urge to roll your eyes at your ever vexing husband. “Is anything broken?”

He shakes his head, smiling widely, “Only Hugo’s nose.”

“My hero,” You drawl, heart racing as you take in the man that you married. The smart, brilliant and hot-headed man that you promised your forever to who had defended your honour against the man who had rudely spoken to you last night. He grins cheekily at your words, wiggling his fingers to show you that there was nothing broken – he was fine.

“You can read whatever you’d like,” He states firmly, “You can study whatever you like. Humiliate the man if there’s a next time.”

“Thank you,” You reply, holding your head high as you smile gratefully at the love of your life.

Anthony stands from his chair, having now recovered from the shock of your speech and the ease of which he can accept your demands. He had never been the easiest man to get along with; stubborn and set in his ways long before he ought to have been, but you had taken him in your stride, loving him just as fiercely as he loved you.

He rounds the desk. All the while his gaze does not leave yours. A sensual smile spreads across his face as he watches you wring your hands together – a nervous tic if there ever was any.

Leaning against the desk, Anthony crosses his ankles, resting hands upon the lip of his desk. He remains happy in the knowledge that even after the honeymoon period of your marriage was over, you would still track his every move. Your eyes dancing over his figure as he rests his weight upon the desk.

“There’s something different about you,” He finally says, breaking the silence of the room.

“Oh?” You whisper, your shoulders rolling back as you try to think about what could have changed – a new dress? A new attitude?

“You’re surer of yourself. It makes you look taller.”

“I don’t particularly think I’ve gained any height.”

“Perhaps not,” Anthony allows; a seductive smile on his face as he tilts his head to one side, regarding you. “But it presents me with two options.”

“And they are?”

“Well,” He begins, running a hand through his thick hair, “I could go and find a ladder to reach the new height of my tall wife or…”

Anthony trails off, leaving you in suspense as you find yourself taking those first few steps closer to him. Desperate to be in his arms, to be touched by the man you love - body and soul.

“Or…” You breathe; voice raspy with growing need.

“Or” Anthony beams, “She can get on her knees.”

***********

Bridgerton taglist: @heloisedaphnebrightmore @dreaming-about-fanfictions @now-its-time-for-a-breakdown @janelongxox​ @aspiringsloth20​ @wallwriterstuff​

[sovereiigna]

begin anew ( continued from here ) || for @earlharcourt​

Queen Charlotte was officially opening the season and of course, that came with the queen's usual splendor but this season was different. Of course rumors had come out that the queen was officially bringing one of her daughters to court and given her previous over protectiveness, it was quite the rarity.

As the Queen was announced, everyone turned to bow and go catch a glimpse of the princess. Many unmarried men were in attendance to offer themselves up to the princess, to gain such a rare chance of catching her eye. It was all rather desperate, or so Richard thought. Once the queen took her place, the music began and the overeager gentlemen suddenly lost their tongues. Richard had to stifle a laugh at the scene but decided to get a glass of lemonade before the circus truly began.

Richard was sipping his much needed drink when he almost dropped his glass at the near miss of a collision. “ It is me who needs to apologize, I was clearly in your way.” Richard returned the princess’s smile with one of his own. He could feel the envious stares from other men who seemed to forget that Richard was newly married and happily so. “Lord Richard Harcort, Earl of Harcourt.” Richard bowed. He wasn’t fond of using titles but given he was speaking to a princess, it was needed. “If you may allow me to ask, your highness, how are you finding the ball?” He assumed many had asked for a dance or two or did the idea of having to please the queen scare them off?

Marina inclined her head in acknowledgement. “My Lord Harcort, you are too gracious, I’m sure. The fault was mine, but as no harm seems to have been done, and I have been given the opportunity to make your acquaintance, we shall count it a happy accident! One can only hope all follies lead to such an ending,” she smiled.

She accepted a glass of lemonade from a passing tray, her green eyes sweeping the room once again. “One spends so long dreaming of this moment,” she replied thoughtfully, taking a sip of her drink as she took in the lights, the sweep of the dancers, the music and the soft perfumes filling the air. “And then quite suddenly... it’s here. There you are. Here I am. ... and words... fail to describe it.” Her grin broadened, and for an instant, she seemed no different than the other debutants, clustered in wide eyes, giggling groups throughout the hall -- young, bright, excitable, full of delight and expectation. “I find it absolutely enchanting! And how are you liking the evening so far?”

The princess looked back at him, and as she did, something flickered across her expression. She started to say something, then paused, as if she wasn’t sure whether or not to voice what she was thinking. But as it so often did with Marina, curiosity won out over prudence. “Forgive me, my lord... I recall reading of your engagement and marriage last season, but you seem... familiar. And I cannot seem to place you. You are a member of Parliament, are you not? Have you had occasion to visit the palace before?”

[thecharmedburrowspn-files]

Fic rec ask game

I was tagged by @illegalcerebral. Details for edition can be found on this post. If you/you’re fic is tagged below, please make your own rec list!

An ongoing multi chapter fic you are excited to get updates for right now

Honestly, every single WIP fic I’m following. However, I cannot express how much I need to know where @hogwartsmeangirls‘ The Untold Years is going. The OC, who is the main character, is so well developed and complex. I range from siding with the characters to being so frustrated with them. Really the writing is fantastic (Harry Potter, Tom Riddle x OFC).

A completed multichapter fic that you can binge read

This one was hard because most of the fics I'm following or have favorited are WIP. So I’ll cheat a little and recommend Witchcraft by a Picture which is a dark and twisty Tom Riddle x OFC. It’s been a literal decade since I read this and I still remember it. 

A oneshot you think everyone should read

I’ve read many but it doesn’t look like I’ve saved them anywhere. :/

A fic you have re-read more than once

Ok, I’ve never read a fic more than once. I don’t know why, I’ve just never gone back and reread one. There are a lot that have stuck with me over the years and I’m going to highlight one of those instead. @valleydean‘s The Sidewalks of New York was such a fun read. It’s a 1920′s Merthur period piece. I love how the characters (and many of them!) were updated to fit the new time and how the forbidden romance was made to work. 

A fic you first read over a year ago that you want to spotlight:

@akabluekat‘s Playing with Fire. Harry Potter was my first fandom and I’ve ready a lot of different fics over the years, but never one featuring a Weasley twin. akabluekat does a lovely job defining her own OCs and flushing out the side characters. The story manages to be a good mix of cute and angsty and I am interested to see if there’s a happy ending or if I’ll be left broken-hearted. (Harry Potter, Fred Weasley x ofc)

A fic that introduced you to a new ship/character/fandom:

@darknightfrombeyond‘s Anthem of the Angels. While I had once been a fan of the show, I had never read a fic for Arrow. This story has the fun twist of being a modern day arranged marriage. You get romance and mystery from the first chapter and I can’t wait to see where it goes (Arrow, Oliver Queen x ofc)

A fic you'd recommend to someone new to your fandom

It’s a WIP but Six Mornings After (@sixmorningsafter) is a great TVD All-human AU, and is worth the read (it’s so well done!). The author has even written collections of flashbacks and flashforwards to accompany this story. (steroline and bamon).

A fic you would recommend to the person who tagged you in this game.

Based off of their recs and fandoms, maybe Rebel Columbia by @starsandstormyseas. I haven't finished it (I am behind on A LOT of fics) but the premise is very interesting .

Optional: one more wildcard choice of fic.

@wordspin-shares‘s From the Sidelines has such a unique take on the TVD-verse (giant hint the title here). It’s definitely a slow burn, but I can tell it’ll be worth it. Plus, our main oc Claire has secrets of her own to contend with (Damon Salvatore x ofc).

[itsbap]

Bang Yongguk Chronicles His Journey With ‘RACE’ In An Exclusive Interview

KHIGH: We would first like to congratulate you on your latest single ‘RACE’. How does it feel to finally make a comeback?

Bang Yongguk: I want to express my gratitude towards all the staff that helped my music to come out again to the world and I would also like to thank my fans who have been waiting for me.

KHIGH: What made you select ‘RACE’ as your comeback single? What is the message that you’re trying to share?

Yonnguk: This is a song that compares life to racing in F1. This song contains the meaning that our lives are the same as F1 sports, where we cannot finish the race if we do not stop at the pit for maintenance.

KHIGH: What was the inspiration behind ‘RACE’?

Yongguk: I got a lot of inspiration from watching F1 documentary films. I don’t actually own a car, though. Haha!

KHIGH: The music video for ‘RACE’ is so trippy and cool. Are there any fun behind-the-scenes stories while filming it?

Yongguk: I remember wearing colored lenses for the first time ever since my debut. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to wear such lenses again or not but it was a pleasant experience.

KHIGH: You were part of one of the biggest K-Pop groups and even had a successful solo career with the much-loved album ‘BANGYONGGUK’. Was it intimidating while preparing for a comeback after two years?

Yongguk: Not at all. I think I could enjoy preparing it during the break and it was a time for me to develop myself, to create more new and extraordinary music. Now I wish to tell you all my story through it.

KHIGH: We are also eagerly waiting for your next album. Are there any spoilers that you can share with us?

Yongguk: It will be a more casual album than my last studio album. I would appreciate it if you could enjoy the music itself!

KHIGH: Congratulations on also launching your own agency CONSENT! What are your plans for it?

Yongguk: My primary goal is to wrap up the Bang Yongguk albums as planned in 2022.

KHIGH: You even produced JUST B’s title track ‘Damage’ which fans loved. Is your process different when you are making music for someone other than yourself?

Yongguk: I would say making music as a producer is more exciting. The process of suggesting concepts or directions and creating music for friends is very detailed and fun. I’m also in the middle of the process to become a K-Pop producer by learning the pros and cons of it.

KHIGH: You have tried all kinds of things from producing to opening an agency and even making the documentary film ‘Breath’. What kind of projects would you like to try next that you haven’t done before?

Yongguk: Probably, movie soundtracks and acting are the projects that I’m looking forward to this year.

KHIGH: You’re known for experimenting with all kinds of genres from rock and hip hop to jazz. Would you be interested in something like Bollywood or Indian music?

Yongguk: To be honest, I didn’t get to have a chance to see much of it but I am definitely interested and enjoy learning various kinds of music from all over the world. In terms of it, both Bollywood and Indian music are very new and interesting to me.

KHIGH: You and the other members of B.A.P are still close and in touch, so what would you say if you got to have a collaboration with some of them?

Yongguk: I think we can do it together at any time!

KHIGH: Fans were touched that you still refer to yourself as B.A.P’s leader. Can we expect a reunion in the near future?

Yongguk: Realistically, I don’t think anyone can force the reunion. Each member has their own company, and we cannot just do it regardless of the business aspects. But we are still together on the ground called B.A.P.

KHIGH: They have also been eagerly waiting to see you perform live. Any plans for a concert soon?

Yongguk: Due to this Covid-19 pandemic, we are in a very difficult situation in regard to those tour projects that were being planned. I also want to go meet my fans as soon as possible. I will be praying for it.

KHIGH: Finally, any last words for your fans who were waiting so long for you?

Yongguk: I’d like to say thank you to the fans who have always been a great support to me. I will always be making great music so that I can pay back on the consistent support and love I get from fans. Love you all and thank you.

source: KHIGH 

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney​ 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end 

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

[milaswriting]

I'm really excited for the reveal of ur new wip! I can't wait!! I absolutely adore golden and it has inspired me to create my own if. Your writing is one of the best I've seen and the way you wrote your MC is one of the most realistic and human portrayal of an MC that I've seen on IF. Golden is truly a masterpiece and I cannot express enough how thankful I am that this if exists and for you as an author. I was also wondering if you could perhaps give us some more tiny nuggets about new wip. 👀

I’m crying at this, thank you so much <33 I hope you do write your own wip, definitely go for it!

I’ve been told recently that people like the realism of the MC in Golden and that really means a lot to me, small stuff like that does have a huge difference.

Tiny nuggets of the new wip 👀 I’m planning on making a Patreon this week and bits of the new wip will be available for the ‘silver’ and ‘gold(en)’ tier so I do have to keep everything sealed for those who want to subscribe to my Patreon.

In terms of progress I can give you now: the title has been chosen, the graphics have been made, character sheets for the ROs are done, I’m just over 5,000 words in to writing and I started 2 days ago… there will be a lot of MC customisation too 👀

I think there’ll be a public release for the intro post in about a week or two, and then maybe a call for beta readers if anyone wants to, and then release the actual demo (Patrons will get early access!) and then the demo will be out there - I’m hoping before the end of March.

[srbachchan]

DAY 4822

Jalsa, Mumbai                  May 11,  2021                 Tue 11:09 PM     

Birthday - EF - Deepa Krishna .. Iris -  Israel .. birthday greetings and the wishes for happiness ever .. be safe and protected .. love from the Ef ❤️

So they said you have written too much in the last few daya and  so there has to be a break .. 

Hence .. 

GN

Amitabh Bachchan 

..... but no the night is not inviting .. it sleeps for a while and wakes up .. and opens the mind and the eye to return .. return to the page of the connect for the four thousand two hundred and twenty second day .. propelling thoughts that awake get to testify information that has been questioned .. the search continues and references made be turned through several pages and pages of writing and the title is unfound ..

.. but .. and we seem to love this word ‘but’ .. but what attracts in the reading are the words of Babuji and his poems yes but descriptions and opinions on various topics and issues .. in his life in his philosophy in his belief .. and they are not put down able .. even at 4:10 of the AM of the next May day 12, it seems like an ordinary beginning ..

the absolute delight in the readings of Babuji’s experiences are so endearing that there is a sense of him sitting before me and narrating in his inimitable express of those personal moments .. vivid descriptions of events and happenings .. opinions that formed in those early years seem eternal in their content and longevity .. they prevail even now, his thoughts on contemporaries, colleagues, adversaries, public presents at kavi sammelans - poetic symposiums and the varied incidents - some humorous some distasteful some controversial , but ever ending in either the realisation of fact or misunderstanding of the people around and the organisers by them to him .. 

.. they bring the India of the time right before you .. a vivid describe of time place thought habit and circumstance , in a most academic manner .. well almost ..

.. the vastness of his knowledge , his writing is a monolithic structure of encyclopaedic value .. and as I sit in the quiet of this 2.0 ‘awakened night’ , I am in the guilt of the lack of research that should and should have been done ..

.. i do keep getting various dissertations on the research done by individuals and the efforts they make .. but I feel they are in need of assistance to carry the baton so to say forward ..

.. my uncertainty in its progress is loaded with the immaturity of my administration of how something so vast can be designed in the manner that brings the true value of its vastness .. and I must admit it is most disturbing and frustrating to sit here surrounded by his works and write about it to no avail ..

.. the world and its life is moving at speeds that cannot be imagined .. and before long all that needed reserve and time and think, shall perhaps soon disappear .. disappear without knowing what has been lost and regretfully forgotten .. 

.. generations change .. their likes and dislikes take on fresher and new horizons .. horizons that could have other eclectic thoughts ideas and paths, which could not be interested in the writings of the past .. 

.. I see it happening in our own world where each generation identifies with the present .. the past is past .. irrelevant and perhaps uninteresting .. many of the greats and their works unrecognised and never given attention to .. the talk of them by some of those that have respect for those early times is heard with an unheard surprise .. and that is as long as it stays .. its back to the present and the stage immediate .. what is today , now this very instant , is the refrain ..

.. but it is generational .. we too were the past generation and thought of the present of the time .. today that is the past and does not have meaning and effect for the ‘now’ .. LIFE .. 

.. but yes values and bearings shall prevail when the environ of the ‘being brought up’ draws their attention to certain givings that we surround ourselves in .. and the hope and prayer is that some of its elixir shall be retained, not just for the present but shall be noticed and passed on to the next .. a receipt of which , an invoice that shall have to be paid in full and final in order that the product is delivered and seen that it works to perfection .. and that AMC signed for its maintenance .. 

I write far too much .. 

And here is what justifies the above .. the extended versions of the Blog which many in the Ef perhaps do not desire .. not for any ulterior motive but length and speed and delivery of the today GEN is ‘say it , be brief, and leave ..’ .. most of the time do not even say it , for, we, they say, have our own version and opinion of it ... 

.. done and over ..

SO .. many observe that the comments when it all started on DAY 1 for several DAYS were in the 500 to over a thousand at times and now rest at the very best to around a meagre 100 .. and the conclusion then that the interest in the Blog has wained away and there is need to stop or disappear .. or search for another .. 

.. there is reason in the thinking .. 

.. why remain .. its the same routine over and over again .. what is so endearing or of interest here which cannot be topped in the T the FB and the INsta .. and the values there are different and greatly more exciting ..

.. the religious aspects on the T and the FB get the numbers .. the young their escapades, clothing and opinions get the millions on the INsta .. 

.. so what is this ‘grey’ doing here  ..?

.. a good question for which I have no answer , except that the connect even with the ONE is the draw that I value .. because that is how it all began .. just the 1 (one) response , which then drew more .. 

It is now past 5 am of the 12th of May and a few yawns appear .. which does not necessarily mean that the bed doth invite .. no .. the yawn is the human mechanism inviting the lack of O2 .. I think ..

.. and I am certain that the many scientific minded shall have a million adverse theories to it .. so let me hear them .. !!! 

Alright just did another .. YAWN .. 

I shall leave and perhaps seek the viewing in the recline of the incredible Formula 1 series , which I have to admit has been made with exceptional skill  .. the shot takings the editing the sheer pace of the series and its visuals ..  actually puts you inside those F1 vehicles of spectacular design and performance .. breathtaking  !

be in peace .. be in safety .. be in precaution .. be not lax in discipline .. be in line of protocol and advice ..

.. and be in the love that I hold you in .. ❤️

Amitabh Bachchan ... 🙏🌹

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.