#I can't write this fic because I'm not a therapist lmao

[generic-sonic-fan]

Fics I'll never write:

Shadow and Omega get into a fight one day and Shadow ends the fight with "why are you so angry and unreasonable all the time, huh? Everyone says I needed a therapist, why don't YOU go see a therapist?" To which Omega laughs, of course, until Shadow says "I bet you wouldn't even last one second in a therapist's office."

So of course, E-123 "can't say no to any sort of challenge from the ultimate lifeform" Omega parks himself in the office of the specially-licensed GUN therapist the next morning.

And then the rest of the fic is from the baffled perspective of this poor therapist trying to figure out robot psychology. Both she and Omega are in agreement at first that therapy probably won't work on him since he's just a robot and that it'd be better for him to see a programmer-

-until the therapist starts to see some behaviors that look an awful lot like abandonment issues. And she has to convince both Omega himself and everyone else in her department that she's onto something and that talk therapy might actually increase his efficiency on the battlefield.

[ceilidho]

How dark would you go with a Ghost x reader scenario? Cause I'm honestly liking the dubcon prompt you did with the therapist reader ngl...

I have a lot of ideas that border on darker themes for Ghost! The way I prefer to write him (at least in regards to ghost/reader fics - with ghostsoap I prefer him nasty and mean with a little dacryphilia kink....actually i kinda like the dacryphilia kink for ghost/reader too LOL) is gruff and stern, but with a softer underbelly.

(slight nsfw  🚩 under the read more but nothing graphic)

That being said, the way I headcanon Ghost is the kind of man who purposefully keeps 99% of people at a distance. Doesn't give them access to his inner life, doesn't spare them any thought or feeling - he's only there to engage with them in whatever way the situation calls for (work, a service of some kind, etc).

He's also the kind of man that deep down really wants to rescue things - anything lost or abandoned. But he also adamantly rejects that part of himself (i.e. he's clearly a dog guy, but he can still make some pretty dark jokes about dead dogs....it's just how he operates, he's hardened himself).

But the second someone slips past his defences and somehow worms their way onto his good side, he's all in. The flip side of his coldness is complete fixation, red hot.

So in that plane crash au, where he's suddenly in an intensely dangerous situation with this girl that maybe he's been distantly aware of and interested in (but never letting that interest sink its claws in fully), that obsessive part of him completely takes over. He has to provide for her, has to keep her close and hunt for her and keep her safe, and that compulsion doesn't wear off when they're back in civilization.

(also, this is personal, but I rreeeaalllyyyy like some of those writers that do like "pervert 141" aus where Ghost can't stop touching and manhandling you because he's just brimming with pent up lust/frustration/testosterone even if you're a bit whiny about it or unsure of whether to say something. I don't think I could write those well but god i EAT them up)

THAT BEING SAID, For ghostsoap I'm kind of insane LMAO. I desperately want to write a toxic "bdsm au" universe (that 'verse where people are either sub/dom/switch biologically, like omegaverse but for bdsm) where ghost makes soap subdrop just because he can and to prove that soap is his ❤️ 🚩

[wanderingelvis]

lil update... 🧚

so......

lately my anxiety has been bad, due to a lot of personal reasons and as a result, the stammer/stutter i've had since i was a little girl is a lot worse than it usually is. i've had a lot of speech therapy throughout my childhood to help me get it under control but sometimes i go through phases where it comes back a lot worse and i find it really hard to get my words out and this summer has been one of those times

it's a bit of a vicious cycle because my stutter gets worse because of my anxiety but then my stutter causes me more anxiety but i'm trying really hard to try to make it better

i've always loved writing because i can't show my speech issues through writing (even though i've noticed that pretty much all of my reader characters in my elvis fics trip over their words at least once in each piece of writing lmao) and writing really helps me actually

i know i've been a bit inactive here this summer but i wanted to post why that's been the case, i've seen my speech therapist a bit more than usual and it's just been a bit chaotic but i've received so many lovely messages and requests and i promise to post more, especially as it gets colder and i don't have to be out as much (autumn is my fav!!!!)

that's it really, i suppose i wanted to vent and talk about it because it's not something i normally do... who knows, maybe i'll write a fic with a reader that struggles with her speech, i know elvis would be patient with her

[mousydentist]

my favorite fics that i wrote and why

So, first I'll explain. I'm gonna being reccing my own fics which I'm not super sure how to do cause I mostly just yeet shit on ao3 and let the fates decide, and I'm never sure what's like, too much? Like I see other people rec their own fics and I'm like (O O) how do i do that. Like idk why I have this resistance to like, telling people that I like my own fics? So today I said fuck that, everyone's gonna know now.

And I've just been doing not so hot recently for a number of reason and I figured like, I've been obsessing over so much, why don't I get to be excited about the good things? So anyway, these are my favorite fics that I've written, not just the ones that have done the best or whatever, just my personal favorites, so without further ado...

(quick fyi, all of these are locked so you need to be logged into ao3 to view)

First up is sorry that i can't believe anybody really starts to fall in love with me , don't ask why the name is so long I just like the song lmao. This one's special to me cause it was my first KPTS fic. Is it the best? No. Does it have a super deep meaning? Nope. But it's cute and it's mine so I love it. Next!

the imperfect art of making it. Very self indulgent. I wrote this for the endorphins fic fest which gave me the motivation to write, but really I just loving transing my characters, and soft KimChay deserves lots of love.

Next up, do you look up to the sky? My first whumptober fic and the first one I wrote bc as soon as I looked at the prompts I was like "oh Kim's getting locked in the fucking basement for sure" and then he did! Success. Also KimChay are a pstd4ptsd couple, I won't be taking questions at this time.

This is getting longer than I thought it was gonna be but fuck it, I told myself I was doing this to remind myself why I like writing and that I do actually enjoy it so the longer the better tbh bc it means I really do love it. It's not a bad thing if all of my fics have a special place in my heart, right?

Ok last of the non dead dove ones is i should have kissed you. I don't exactly have a reason, I just think it's a good fic.

The next ones are dead dove cause I have two modes which are cute fluff and illegal <3

chay and kinn and chay. This thing is my baby. I love him with my whole heart. I wrote him in discord messages on my walk to and from classes. This is one fic that I would not be ashamed to say I've read several times over. This is the fic that I think of when people say "write the fics you want to read." This was also a spite fic which makes all of that even funnier lmao

Willow Dancin' On Air. This one's not dead dove but it is KimVegas so eh. But this is another fic I wrote purely for myself. I just wanted some fluffy lil somethin somethin and now every time I listen to this song I think of this fic

Ok last one, Why minors shouldn’t gamble. This one also started on discord and was written in my notes app at like. 9 am while I was still in bed lmao. Because that's where inspiration peaks. And it's hot idk. omegaverse will never not be be a special interest of mine, hopefully one day we can find out what happens when Kim joins the party, I'm genuinely curious.

OK! So. That was something. Tbh I feel a lot better lmao. My therapist would be so proud of me if I ever told her I write fanfiction pff. Normalize reading your own fics over and over. I'm saying that directly to myself cause I see all these like motivational things about writing and then I don't believe them, what's that about?? Doing this reminded me that I actually like the things I create, highly recommend. Now I'm gonna get myself a glass of water cause for the next maybe 12 hours I'm changing my life!! I'm doing self care!!! Woo hoo!!!!! Now to post this before I remember that other people can see it :) Ok bye ✌️

[writing-hat]

hi!

i noticed in one of your recent reblogs you mentioned your ninjago oc ava, and i just wanted to say I ADORE HER. literally within the first five minutes of her introduction in bbnb i was freaking obsessed - shes so cool and level headed, but also sooo kind and she makes me want to become a therapist lol. shes probably one of my all time favorite ninjago ocs i’ve heard of!!!

she’s officially jays therapist now (which good for him he definitely needs one 😬) and im just so happy, because i wasn’t sure going into ch. 15 if you were gonna bring her back or just leave her as someone jay met in skybound but who he doesn’t try to reach out to after. knowing that we get to see more of her is so great!

anyway, yeah, i just wanted you to know just how much i love ava and how overjoyed i am that we’ll get to see more of her in the future.

oh also i was wondering if you had any good skybound aus you know about - whether on ao3 or tumblr - that you could share? im always looking for new ones lol

thanks for being such a good writer!!! (i’ve read bbnb 16 times now lmao send help)

-smiley anon :)

heyy sorry for answering late again!

RAAAA I'm so happy when people say they like Ava!! She's my forty years old child that I really like to write. I hope you will like what I have for her in the future!

yeah she was always meant to come back lmao she's very much needed currently and I can't wait to write more about her :D

I've given some reccomandations in the other ask but regarding skybound there should be a lot available on ao3 (there's obviously @/mondothebombo's fic "when you think you're all alone", but there is also @/yourlocaltripleabattery who has a list of the longest fics based on seasons! And there's quite a few fics there that I did enjoy!! Definitely check that out)

But yeah I. I'm not the best person to ask reccomandations for now I'm so fucking sorry aaaa

Thank you for the ask smiley anon! see you around!

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol. 15

Hi friends!!

Welcome to week 15 of The Spreadsheet Digest! I read a lot of angst this week.... but there's plenty of really good smut and fluff to balance it out, I promise! Also 3/10 fics are from one author, but I promise their stuff is to die for.

You can find the Spreadsheet here and all of my previous rec lists here.

Recs under the funny BTS pic from Triple Frontier

Birds of Prey - a Tommy one shot by @toxicanonymity

I normally wouldn't rec a tommy fic, but!! First of all Toxic wrote it so like... duh. Second of all it's kind of a sidebar to her Raider!Joel series and I'm assuming it kind of comes into play later in that series so like you should read it. Also it's fucking delicious. Raider!Tommy is sooooo fucking hot.

Fall Apart, Again - a Joel series by @wildemaven

AHHHHH THE TWIST!!! Healthy dose of angst right up front in the first chapter with these lovely hints of more to come AND THEN!!! there's a twist. I can't tell you about the twist because that would ruin it, but like I thought I knew what it was, right? And the thing I thought was gonna happen did and I was like oh! I called it. But that was a fakeout. There's a bigger twist. Fucking.... wild man. You gotta read it. (Oh and wildemaven writes so beautifully. The descriptive language is to die for). Get it while it's hot kids.

Breakout - a Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Boxer (now trainer) Joel!! Reader has an asshole boxer bf! I hope Joel gets to beat the shit out of Tyler tbh. I really fucking love Ren's writing style and the way she builds up the characterization. Like we learn so much about Joel's life and personality, Tyler and Reader's relationship dynamic, Reader's sort of (as yet unknown to them) kinship with Joel, Sarah and Joel's relationship, and more all in 7K words. This fic is going to be so fucking lovely. I think it's one of those "Oh my god that poor man deserves to be happy for once in his miserable little life" fics and I LOVE those.

This is the Way - a Din one shot by @psychedelic-ink

I thought this fic was gonna be silly! And I mean I guess it was. Certainly no angst. But if you think accidentally moaning This is the Way would be silly.... you think wrong. The way Mando responded??? Good god this fic is hot, y'all. I just like... does Din have a breeding kink? Is it the fact that she said it when he creampied her and like... the marriage vow thing is "we will raise warriors" ??? Sorry I'm speculating a lot here. I just... anyway yeah feral din. very hot.

The Art of Healing - a Marcus Pike series by @northernbluess

This is such a gorgeous fic. It has a lot of discussion of ED recovery, so please read warnings and take care of yourself and don't read if it will hurt you BUT!!! The way the topic is handled in the fic is so fucking beautiful. Marcus is a precious angel baby and Jo is so so so strong and wonderful. It's really lovely to follow along with her therapy and see what she paints. It's also incredible watching her bond with Marcus grow. It's a slow burn, therapist x OFC, with lots of angst but also so many of these like... really tender and sweet moments. It's so clearly a story that is coming from the heart and I adore it and can't wait to read more.

Exile - a Javi P series by @jksprincess10

Ok big warning up front -- she killed steve lmao. That's how reader ends up being Javi's partner. I really love how Javi's dickish demeanor from early season one is being played up here. Big fuckin fan. I just know this is gonna be a beautiful smutty enemies to lovers extravaganza.

Only Angel - a Javi P series by @tieronecrush

I really like professor peña. Like it makes a lot of sense that he'd do that after retiring. I love the concept of this fic so much. And the tension is being built up so fucking well. Javi pining and chastising himself. The subtle mention of reader doing something to support herself that is definitely not TAing. I would be more than happy to be Javi's extraneous circumstance. Anywayyyy I fucking love this and I'm so excited for the next chapter ahhhh.

-------------- oldies but goodies ------------

I grabbed a giant chunk off the older half of the sheet so there's a pretty good section where it's just one author lol. Oh and a lot of these are on AO3 but several of the stories were also posted on tumblr, I just read them on AO3 for whatever reason.

One Thing I'm Missing - a Joel series by @joelscruff

Sex, Drugs, and... Tacos - a Dieter one shot by @absurdthirst

Deseos Profundos - Javi P one shot by @absurdthirst

Le Trio De Fleur - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Chemical Feelings - a Din one shot by @absurdthirst

Menace - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain

I'll Never Fall in Love Again - a Dieter series by OonaJaeAdira (on AO3)

Stress Relief - a Javi P one shot by ezrasbirdie (on AO3)

Waterproof - a Dieter one shot by LeslieLyman (on AO3)

Starlight - a Din Series by LovelessDagger (on AO3)

Let the right one in - a Joel Series by LaMorenadelAtl (on AO3)

Dark but just a game - a Joel One shot by devilmademewriteit (on AO3)

Celestial Navigation - Dieter Series by @write-and-buried

Extra Whipped Cream - a Dieter Series by @pettyprocrastination

----------------------

Happy Reading!

[wraithdance]

wait omg @mikichko

kiko your tags on my fic im gonna cry!! Putting them under the cut because I need to talk about the feels so sorry I'm gonna ramble!

#imagine my surprise when i go into this and see 'avoidant reader' and go 'oh thats me!'#fully expecting some light funny laughs about a reader who pushes this beast of a man away#only for you to fucking snipe the shit out of my soul and perfectly encapsulate my life and the emotional state im in

Listen I swear it was supposed to be funny and smutty but somehow it just got out of control and veered into me unpacking some shit lmfao. I'd already planned out writing something heavy and angsty for simon months ago but describing the scene with Foxy leaving and saying the dreaded words made everything else jump out. I love the reader inserts everyone else does but until now, I don't think I realized how much I just needed to see someone who was purposely a bitch and an absolute mess that could still be worthy of love. I'm not interested in heavily promoting this to the fandom because it's a project of love for myself and other avoidant/traumatized/bitchy girlies (gn)

#the therapist shopping#the break up text#the categories#holing yourself up and only presenting pieces of yourself to people that seem palatable#the strained relationship with parents *oof*#not bringing a single partner around them either#the grippy sock drawer

Yes!! omg I was so nervous about adding those parts because I've always had such a difficult time explaining the humiliating cycle of needing more mental help than 'Live, Laugh, Love' can get you. Especially when you have a history of trauma and poor parental relationships. it's so difficult to explain to people who don't get why you can't just move on, or WHY you can't just open up. By the time I was done writing I was like well fuck... I'm not sure if anyone else will even like this fic but it means a lot to me that you could identify as well and I hope I can turn this into something comforting later down the line.

#even the small scene where reader is about to open up to Duckie and finally accept the lifeline...#just for the universe to laugh and remind them that eventually even in the hard moments they'll pull away from them right as they reach out#jesus christ this had me crying on the couch#calvary you are evil (lovingly)#i absolutely adore you.

Please I started crying while writing that. I couldn't help but think at my irl Duckie. It wasn't intentional that I created her character to be similar to how me and my best friend are but it just happened organically lmao. they are so sweet and will not leave me the fuck alone even when I'm isolating/being a bitch. Truly such a good friend to me and my actual platonic soulmate and I just ended up translating the guilt I feel towards them .

But yeah I adore you back and sorry if this hurt too bad! I'm working on the next part now and I'm hoping to soothe things with Soap smut lol

[freeuselandonorris]

For the director thing please! For Monday's (my absolute favourite. My Roman Empire. My one true love. My revisit this when I'm down fic)! A little insight into Lando's thoughts throughout him and Oscar before they talk in the hotel room and actually establish what they are. ♥️

hiii anon! sorry it took me a few days to get to this but i ended up rereading the entirety of monday before i answered it lmao. thank you so much for asking about this fic though, it really is my baby and it makes me so happy that people are still reading it and loving it as much as i do - especially that it's a comfort fic, because it was a huge comfort to write, too ❤️

under a cut because this got long!

SO. first of all, one thing i was really conscious of trying to do when i was writing monday was to have the miscommunication - and the communication - almost run in cadences? so instead of them just absolutely not getting it and then having one big confrontation, they have a number of false starts where they gradually get closer and closer to where they want to be. and that's because i wanted to give them both enough hope to keep coming back, without having them thrash it all out too early on and then losing the momentum. (i also think it's generally more realistic when conflicts build and build like this rather than going from 0-100 in the blink of an eye.)

obviously in the fic we're only getting oscar's side of things, and oscar is very good at compartmentalising and telling himself something that suits his worldview even if it's not actually true - this, i think, is his biggest failing from an emotional perspective although it's a trait that serves him very well as a driver. so what he tells himself is lando being unbothered and casual is actually lando trying very, very hard to protect his heart, and not to embarrass himself. there are hints of it (for instance, when oscar sees lando's eyes light up after he thinks oscar's going to come back to his hotel room in bahrain; max telling oscar lando falls hard; the moment in the hotel room where oscar is doing such a terrible job of communicating what he wants to lando and lando just goes along with it all and agrees anyway because he's so desperate to tell oscar what he wants to hear.)

for most of this fic, lando's pretty scared. not in a horrible way, exactly, but he finds oscar opaque and difficult to read, and he's far more aware than oscar thinks he is of all the potential ways this could go horribly, horribly wrong, from ruining their working relationship to a forced outing. he's thought about it all in GREAT detail (hence the moment where he tells oscar he'd had to text his therapist after bahrain).

this is another reason why there are a series of moments where they gradually establish to each other what they are and what they mean to each other: because lando doesn't quite trust it, or oscar, at first. he really likes oscar, but he can't really read him or his intentions (hence why he eventually says but it's not obvious to oscar, which is one of the biggest transitional moments in the fic because it's the point where lando chooses to be honest and upfront about his feelings instead of trying to defensively hide them, and the honesty breaks through to oscar, who can finally see how he's coming across to lando and why it might be confusing).

and because they're so hopeless at communicating to each other with their words, a lot of these moments come through gestures or talking around the subject instead - lando posting the photo of oscar on .jpg and making it the cover image, oscar offering to 'watch a film' with lando instead of asking him to stay the night, the running theme of bringing each other sweet treats (which i chose deliberately not just because oscar talks a lot about how much he likes chocolate but also because of the connotations of it being a slightly forbidden pleasure for an elite athlete) - even that moment early on (which i added at the last minute and has now become one of my favourite scenes in the whole fic) where they're on the plane and lando essentially forces oscar to pet his hair. lando doesn't really know how to talk about these things, but he can figure out how to act in a way that shows oscar how he feels, or at least a safe glimpse of it - because after all, he's used to using his body as a tool to get him where he wants to be.

[steddielations]

I'm not looking to start The Discourse so if you don't feel like answering this I'd totally understand, but I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like I'm losing it when I see people complain about how supposedly Eddie focused everything. I struggle to believe how these people can be serious about this. almost every fic ever in some way involves Eddie being a bad or downright terrible bf and it's always so OOC because people like to make Steve really angsty. Or the ones that really get me are the ones where Wayne's relationship with STEVE is focused on more than Wayne and Eddie. Half the time it reads like a small but loud chunk steddie of fandom don't even really like Eddie, he's just there out of convenience. I do understand the appeal of that for people who really love Steve but like, it shouldn't come at the expense of Eddie as character. Some of these fics you could easily replace him with other characters and it'd make no difference to the fic. Like I said, totally understand if you don't feel like answering this, I genuinely don't mean to be bitchy cause I don't like yucking peoples yums, but it did feel like I was in the twilight zone for a while seeing people's complaining, so I just wanted to have a little rant 😭

I’m glad to know someone has had the same experience as me! Like I’m not trying to dissuade people from writing Steve centric stuff or even complain, but truly I don’t understand when people say steddie fics are majority Eddie centric. I filtered this down to just the steddie ao3 fics but it’s not even close

And these are just the ones that are tagged. Personally I consider a fic to be Steve centric just based on if it has majority Steve focused tags, like Steve has bad parents, Steve needs a hug, hurt Steve, stuff like that and then it doesn't have any Eddie focused tags. Which is majority of Steddie fics and again I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that's how it is. Also on tumblr, in my experience, I'd say 8 times out of 10 when I come across a steddie fic it's Steve centric. I only notice because I look for Eddie centric stuff personally because there's such a lack of it. That's also why I started to pretty much write only Eddie centric stuff too. But I'm also careful not to erase Steve's trauma or demote him to the stand in perfect boyfriend or erase Robin's role in his life and replace her with Eddie, but I can't say the same with the way majority of Steve centric fics treat Eddie's character.

I think having an issue with the way Steve and Eddie are most often characterized in Steddie fics is a different conversation. I'll be honest, most of what I come across in my opinion is the writer projecting onto Steve and then Eddie's either the perfect boyfriend who talks like a therapist and has a magical healing cock, or he's the worst person in the world just to manufacture Steve angst. I have some major gripes about fanon Steve and fanon Eddie too, I have to steer clear of a lot of fics and keep my mouth shut to avoid discourse. Not saying I have perfect characterization or anything, but I definitely go against a lot of fanon popular stuff. I understand that some people hate popular fanon Eddie (so do I usually lmao) but its clear that it's being projected onto canon Eddie too. I see a lot of Eddie hate from people that ship steddie and that's fine, I'm so used to seeing Eddie hate it doesn't even faze me anymore, but I don't understand how you fixate on a ship that you hate an entire half of.

I'm glad you brought up the Wayne thing because that bothers me so much, I've spoken to a friend who noticed this too. To be clear, I love Wayne and Steve fics, I've written Wayne and Steve fics, but there's a difference when it's a fic about Wayne and Steve developing a familial relationship and when the whole purpose of the fic is Wayne growing closer to Steve than Eddie, choosing Steve over Eddie, loving Steve more than Eddie, etc. Especially when the fic has Eddie as a neglect/abuse survivor, honestly I just think it's weird to write a story where a neglect/abuse survivor's only caretaker is choosing someone else over him, and it's supposed to be a good happy thing? Also when the writer has clear disdain toward Eddie, Idk, maybe take your Eddie-hating lens off for a second and get some perspective on what you're writing. And the crazy thing is, those types of fics are usually received really well. I don't know, it's just not for me.

Anyway, this is the most discourse-y I've ever been on my blog lmao. I'm just at the point where I don't care anymore, everyone's voicing their opinions so I'll voice mine too. Thank you for sending me this, I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way!!

[wetcatspellcaster]

Honest Lie - 6, 22, 25

6. What do you need to write? Is there anything special you need to do/have to help your creative flow?

Honestly, this is an interesting question for this fic specifically, bc my writing usually comes from a place of... pure fucking spite lmao. If there's something I don't like enough, I want to fix it (in Bleeding Heart, it was all the early access bullying lol). An Honest Lie is weird because I actually really like the Astarion canon storyline - though I can't speak for patches. So in this case, what I need to write, is a few weeks of getting depressed from my angsty as fuck AU, and then I come here to be cosy and promise my OC the world :')

22. Does personal experience ever inspire your fics? What about this particular fic?

Crying. killshot.

The fun thing about me, is that I don't consider any of my OCs self-inserts or related to me at all(this is no judgement to self-insert OCs, I simply do not consider myself hot enough to hold a candle to the imaginary women in my brain and thus, I admire anyone with the confidence).

...And then I go into therapy, and my therapist asks me about my writing, and then they give me a long hard look and I say "oh, no, I get that look, but it's not me, you see. because this girl is hot :) and pink :)". And then my therapist looks at me some more.

which is a bit of an overshare, but basically it turns out that every fic I write can be archaeologically surveyed about a year after I write it for the personal experience it actually entails (yes, I'm extremely worried about Pieces).

luckily, Rosalie is 2yrs old, so I have done that work already! and oh boy, does that make writing An Honest Lie fucking weird at times!

I've been pretty open that Rose was my pandemic OC. I didn't write her based on my own pandemic experiences - it was actually that two of my friends at the time were agoraphobic, I was anxious, and I liked the idea of a magical cure for both of those things, in the form of the tadpole. But since I wrote the first fic with her, I have realised a lot about myself: I have recovered from an acute self-hating depression, and I have received an autism diagnosis, all of which seem relevant to the Masker Extraordinaire.

If I was to pinpoint the exact piece of personal experience here, I think it's the irrational fear that all recovery can be undone in an instant. That is the worry that motivates a lot of Rosalie's character. Like Rose, I really fear the moment where my progress is exposed as a lie, or the risk that one thing will tip me back into my worst moment without me having any control over it. I don't think it will happen, but I do feel like that possibility haunts my choices and my everyday life!

25. Is there anything you would change about this fic? Why/Why not?

Weirdly... I'm not sure if I'd write it? which is a depressing way to answer this question. I like it as a project, but it's a little different than my approach to other fics - it feels messier as a story. I mostly started it bc people asked for a continuation of my first fic, and I have a lot of love for A Bleeding Heart... neither of these are good motivations for a whole new fic lmaooooo. But now that I'm here, I wouldn't change anything. I've accepted it's going to be a messier, more self-indulgent project, and that while it doesn't come from my usual urge to fix things in a story, which means I have less prompts going forward, instead I just have to fully enjoy the bits I love.

behind the scenes fic asks!

[linddzz]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@gretchensinister tagged me, and I realized I can't mope about lack of interaction if I don't interact! This ended up being a really fun sort of retrospective :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44. tbh I think that's an inflated number since for some reason I posted every single chapter of the Evil Boyfriends Series as a separate ficlet??? and there's like 30 of those.

2. What’s your total word count?

349,680 if my math is right (it rarely is)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Rise of the Guardians, The Hobbit (movies), Fantastic Beasts (first movie only and wrote is in bold past tense there lmao), and now getting back into it (arguably returning to my roots of dramatic hot mess Nightmare/Dream King Sandmen) with The Sandman (Netflix)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

Safe and Distant (Thorin/Bilbo, The Hobbit)

Mahrâna (The Hobbit, Thorin POV companion to S&D)

A Study on the Habits of the Adult Obscurial (Fantastic Beasts movie 1, Newt/Credence) ((ngl I was surprised this was so high in the ranking))

The Blizzard of '68 (Pitch Black/Jack Frost, Rise of the Guardians)

The Intervention (same as above lol, man that Evil Boyfriends Series was fun)

The Device Has Been Modified (Kozmotis Pitchner/Jack Frost. Rise of the Guardians movie/novels/a wild fuckin "Jack is a sci-fi AI" AU. holy shit I forgot about this one it was a wild blast)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Rarely and not as often as I'd like. I'm also bad at responding to texts from friends tho, so it's a Thing. I love and read every comment repeatedly though!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Shiver/Tremble for the Rise of the Guardians. No question. They're also the darkest things I've written. First thing I ever wrote seemed to purge all my darkest impulses out right at the jump.

(I ain't linking those lmao. I don't regret writing dark noncon fic, or even taking on writing it from the predator POV. They're just my very first published works and shit is ROUGH.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Cultural Misunderstanding series of Safe and Distant and Mahrâna. Based on the fact that they actually ARE finished and I always held that the Evil Boyfriends Series isn't exactly a "good" ending for Jack, even if it isn't a bad one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Mahrâna had a commenter who was mad that all the dwarves said fuck because "Tolkien wouldn't have them say that."

This was on the sequel to a fic where Thorin and Bilbo explicitly touched their dicks, and thus it remains the funniest comment I've ever received.

(They also thought Thorin was too obviously Mentally Ill and since there were no therapists in Middle Earth they didn't see why anyone would put up with him. So. Y'know. Fuck that commenter in general.)

9. Do you write smut?

YUP

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Safe and Distant has been translated to Chinese, German, and Russian!

Steady Hands has been translated to Russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Tremble, the equally fucked up sequel to Shiver, was done with a co-author where we went back and forth on chapters!

Currently, Audacity in Human Form has @amahhi as my co-author, as it's written based off of our RP where I wrote Dream and she wrote Hob, and she's who I bounce ideas on for adapting it all into fic form while she also acts as my beta editor.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

This is like asking for a favorite food why. Hell some of my favorite ships are ones I haven't written fic for (Newt/Hermann, Jayce/Viktor, William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay to name a few).

(Tbh I wouldn't even say whether or not I write fic depends on how much I like the characters. Amahhi and I also have many rp storylines that are basically full fics of all of the above ships (shout out to the Newmann Star Trek AU that remains one of my favorites ever, along with the Willzing with Werewolf!Laurence). It just depends on if my brain figures out how they'd be written as a fic.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

A Study on the Habits of the Adult Obscurial. In my heart I still love my version of Credence, who is pretty much an OC of mine with how far I went "oh fuck that" at canon after the first movie. But between the terrible sequels, Rowling going full terf, and the fact that I had not actually plotted out a good outline and was hitting a wall.....yeah that thing's never getting finished. I recently put a note on there letting any new readers know it's officially abandoned.

Things That Were also ran into the problem of me taking on a big fic idea without the big fic planning. I had specific future scenes in my head but didn't have a strict guide on what happened when or how characters would get from A to B. That one I'm more sad about needing to give up on though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

According to friends and comments: dialogue, particularly capturing a characters voice in the dialogue and POV prose, and getting a solid characterization overall.

I'm also told I'm good at making a ship into a convincing couple and how they work as a couple.

Which is good for me, because those are my favorite things to write! Most of my fics are built on scenes of dialogue that popped into my head and the dialogue is what I have the most fun writing (hence why most of my Tumblr posts are goofy dialogue bits).

And I just like taking the characters as they are at a point in their story and going "ok, if these two get together, how does that happen?" and exploring it from there. Tbh I consider most of my successful fics to be character studies hiding in a full fleshed fanfic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

What the fuck is a story plot????

Is a plot not just "two people take 50k words to figure their shit out with almost no other characters coming in?" What the fuck is actually planning out a storyline with beats to it and an outline? (Trying to get better on the last one, Audacity actually has an outline that includes what specific RP scenes to flesh out or what gets subtracted/added!) (As far as plot goes I've now accepted that I'm not actually A Writer. I just wanna do my drawn out character studies and that's what I'm gonna do damnit.)

Besides that: laying out scenes beyond just the dialogue. Using repetitive descriptive language or getting rambly with it. I legit don't know if my occasional super short sentence lines for character reactions come across as punchy or if it's just choppy and disjointed, which ties in with a general struggle to keep small scenes flowing into each other without getting bogged down in details that fuck pacing up.

According to my various betas: punctuation is my mortal enemy, and I don't know how to make a sentence that isn't a fragment or an eternal run-on. I will sometimes fight them on my sentences and they put up with a lot.

Also, writing discipline in general. I'm uh, very bad at making myself sit down to write even when I want to, and my job tends to burn up the executive functioning points that my ADHD meds give me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Did it a little bit for Mahrâna with Thorin speaking Khuzdul, but not more than short sentences and it took a stupid amount of looking things up for a couple sentences of dwarvish dirty talk lmao.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

If we count what was actually posted: Rise of the Guardians.

But there's some notebooks rotting away somewhere with a classic early 2000s isekai LOTR fic in it with an OC that was so much like Tauriel that my old buddy and I joked that "Peter Jackson fuckin stole my OC!!" This isn't a dig at Tauriel bc my OC was rad.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Safe and Distant/Mahrâna are my magnum opus, with Safe and Distant as my personal favorite even though there are bits I'd change (mostly in the smut scene).

I think finishing Mahrâna was a bigger accomplishment and it was overall a bigger challenge to write Thorin's pathos and the mental journey he had to go through, but Safe and Distant was just FUN to write. It was the last time I was young and dumb enough to do things like stay up until 7AM writing nonstop. I think I did a good job of managing to take my strength of chronologically disjointed, shorter character driven scenes and stringing them together into something cohesive. I still like the back and forth flashbacks I did and think I did a good job making the flashback scenes related to the current storyline, even with the flashbacks being out of order.

(Ironic that Bilbo was more fun to write, when Thorin was who I fixated on more ferally and thought about more as a character. I'm having the same thing now with Hob and Morpheus lmao. I love rotating those dark, dramatic, brooding king types in my head, but actually writing the internal brooding out makes me want to chew glass and bully their dramatic asses.)

((still don't know why tf I thought Bilbo would be the virgin of the two of them, or why I have that bit in there with a fucking hobbit being a little insecure about pudge. God I was off base with that lmao))

Tagging @alienfuckeronmain, @avelera, @spicedrobot, @insufferablearchanist

[broomsticks]

Heyy! I was wondering, can you help me out with some drarry recs? I read a few drarry fics YEARS ago and honestly don't remember them at all, and the past few years, I've only read marauders era fics. I want to explore drarry a bit, but in a lot of the fics i try out the pairing seems kinda illogical. Yk like the fic just pushes them together bc it's a drarry fic but it doesn't really make sense beyond that. Maybe I've just had bad luck. But that's why i wanted to ask whether you have any recs that could get me into the pairing again. I think i mostly want canonish stuff (no crazy AUs), and lengthwise im alright with whatever, but a longfic would be nice!!

so first off - thank you for thinking of me hahaha, but I'm not the best person to ask because I don't read a ton of Drarry! (I say that and it's my third most bookmarked ship, behind Wolfstar and Jily.) it's not a ship I'm particularly wild about either, for similarrrr reasons to you it sounds like (not a huge fan of postwar redemption arc and if I'm going to read that I usually would rather read lightning gen femslash, and most of the AUs tend to read sorta 'any two guys' to me), but I have read a bunch I enjoyed and I do have a couple faves:

Listening for the Angels by @hawksquill // 12k, M

The trials are over. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are in Azkaban, the Ministry has seized Malfoy Manor, and Draco is banished to live among Muggles. His exile brings Draco more than he ever bargained for: a Squib therapist, Muggle friends, a new career, and a mysterious pen pal who helps him come to terms with what it means to grow, heal, and make amends.

lmao I know I just said postwar redemption not my jam blah blah, but the writing of this one is just lovely. it's Draco-centric and more pre-slash gen than relationshippy, but the character growth is so well done.

.

What We Pretend We Can't See by @gyzym // 131k, M

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

the plot. the relationships. the conflict. the humanity. I remember this one totally sweeping me away! gyzym also wrote one of my favorite aziraphale/crowleys (build me a city, call it jerusalem, 3.5k, T), pre-show/dated 2012, give this a try if you'd like a quick taste of their writing, it's what motivated me to start reading that Drarry longfic!

.

I found the sentient house magic intriguing in this one:

The Claiming of Grimmauld Place by bixgirl1 // 75k, E

When Grimmauld Place begins fighting against Harry’s ownership of it, he decides he needs help to train the historic home — but little does he expect that it’ll be Malfoy who’s most suitable for the challenge. However, as Malfoy and Harry get closer, Harry comes to understand that expectations aren’t always the best path by which to guide his heart — and in the process learns just what is needed to make a house a home.

I will say this ship has a lot of a) magical theory, particularly sentient house magic, b) auror partner casefics, and c) mysterious medical maladies, so if that's something that interests you I can rec a couple more!

.

last but not least I know you said no crazy AUs, but you did also say Wolfstar, and I was just rereading this to rec it elsewhere: here's an online romance Drarry AU with HIV+ Remus and Wolfstar raising Harry. Angst, smut, fluff, family... this fic is lovely.

Dragons Don't Know Paradise by @teacup-tai // 51k, E

In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon. This is a story about falling in love online and about facing the reality of death, but above all, this is a story about hope, finding love and acceptance. (Non-magical / bookshop AU, written for the 25 days of Drarry 2020)

a couple more recs here for Wolfstar + Drarry!

[carmenized-onions]

So I just binge read Chicago's Finest, which I wish I hadn't cause it was so good that I wished I had spaced it out? I feel like Tony is just the person you want in your life. she's exactly what Carmy and everyone at the Beef really, needs. I want a Tony. Anyway, I basically love it and am looking forward to the next chapter. Also, this is not your first fic right? It would be amazing if it is, because you're such a great writer. All to say, do you have anything else posted?

You know what's funny? I completely agree. I feel like Chicago's Finest is like,,,,, built to be spaced out. Not because it's Good but just like,,,, I feel like the time between readings where you live life like,,,, flavours the story. Good to have gaps!

Ah, the gift and curse of being exactly what everyone needs fr. The Bear shifts dramatically in tone when there's just one emotionally intelligent mf in the room lmao. Everyone should strive to be the Tony for people-- I do. I was the therapist friend for most of my life hehe, so I've got a lotta first hand experience to write with lmao.

This really means the world to hear, I'm happy you've enjoyed and I'm really excited to put out the next chapter for y'all. It's gonna take fucking forever, but I'm currently noodling with it right now!!! There's a lot of moving parts, honestly, i'm biting more than I can probably chew. Eh. It'll be worth it.

But yes!! This is the,,,,, third time? I've written fan-fiction? First time was at fuckin' 13 years old writing Naruto fanfic (bad, but, fell in love with writing, so, worth it), and the second time was when I was 18/19? Writing for Detroit Become Human on here! Now, in retrospect, it's p mid. I've gotten a lot better at writing since goin' to uni for screenwriting/directing, but it's not awful. So if you'd really like to read that old schtuff, it's here! Can't super recommend it, but like, kinda fun to see how we got here.

[mr-independent]

EP 7 the Keeley is Hot Shit episode (1st of many tbh)

-- Bi Keeley from the start I'm serious. She absolutely comes onto Rebecca a million times in this episode and plays it off like a joke every time

-- there's gotta be a story behind that very pointed reminder about missing furniture. Has someone written that? Someone needs to write that

-- it takes them 2 whole years to get to that promised pillow fight, but we do get there. Patience pays, my friends.

-- god i forgot that A. Sassy's name is Flo and B. She's a child psychologist. The fact that she doesn't set off Ted's early hatred towards therapists says to me either he doesn't know or it's only people who try to shrink him that bother him which. Given the full story of his couples counselor is 100% valid actually

-- we are clearly shown how Roy catches Isaac making sure that one player is present and participating during movie night, and i don't think Roy's retirement is for another few episodes at least. Us getting to see that moment is par for the course but us seeing Roy seeing it? I'm convinced more and more that these writers absolutely intended for people to rewatch this series over and over and i love them for it

-- Michelle is being really pushy actually about the divorce papers. He got them like 4 hours ago, he's currently working, in a different time zone, and travelling with the team in a hotel right now. She's really fucking pushing for this, and. And! Having her lawyer text him at midnight as well! (which. That would be the response of someone who doesn't want to get found out. Like of she were having an affair with her therapist the whole time and if Ted found out she might very well lose custody of Henry. So. Ted and Rebecca are gonna have A Lot to talk about Very Soon in the new series bc they're both gonna be jilted exes of immoral cheaters.)

-- ok yes I'm a tedependent truther but. The evidence for Ted/Rebecca is piling up too. Either that or they're literary foils which honestly is about the same for fic writers anyways lmao

-- man Ted getting mad is so fucking jarring, o can see why he made up the Led Tasso character bc that man really needs to process his emotions better holy hell

-- the theme of this episode being repressed anger (Ted's and Roy's especially, but also Rebecca's) is such a good theme that you'd never find in another sports comedy and like. Do any of the writers need a sugar baby? I'm just saying I'm single at the moment and half in love with all of them.

-- Sam jumping up immediately to take Rebecca's coat before she goes on for karaoke....

-- Ted having a panic attack to Let It Go bc he bottles up everything and never lets anyone see how he really feels and he's so fucking sad and angry and lonely and he can't let it go bc everyone relies on him being honest and happy and strong and ....relatable

-- there's a lot of psych studies coming out now saying that adults in this age are never taught how to properly process their emotions because we always shut them down before it's fully out of our system bc that's how we were taught, to wipe away the tears and keep moving, and i gotta say that's exactly how Ted acts here. He's not allowing himself to actually confront the reality of how he feels and so it just keeps building and building and. Well. We saw how that played out.

-- Roy is nowhere near my type but honestly that was so fucking hot of him. Waiting all tall dark and mysterious under the red lighting, snogging the hell out of Keeley without saying a word, then fucking off to god knows where.....yeah i agree with Keeley that shit would get me hooked, too

[gigantomachy1916]

Here to distract with questions!

What is your favorite Lawmane fic that you've written to date?

What is your favorite Lawmane fic written by someone else?

What is your favorite trope in fanfiction?

What fanfic would you most like to see written by someone else?

What fanfic idea do you have that you can't make yourself write?

Favorite Lawmane fic I've written: I want to say Oleander just because it's my baby rn, but I'm also constantly worried that people hate it so idk. Liability was really easy and fun to write and still gets the most attention. Of the oneshots, even though it was my first fic, I still feel like cut open my sternum and pull my little ribs around you is one of the best, and I also have a soft spot for you grow me like an evergreen. Anyway I broke the rules of the question and named 4 fics but oh well.

Written by someone else: I constantly talk about this fic, but it's let's talk about sex, baby by benzaaldehyde, like without a shadow of a doubt. I literally didn't even like het fic before I read it, I was a slash-only girl. So it converted me not only to Lawmane but also to reading and writing about straight sex... Powerful.

Favorite trope: I like unhinged, codependent people in toxic relationships. Give me people who have never spoken to a therapist in their entire lives having deeply fucked up sex. Also a big fan of There Was Only One Bed, and generally just pining. Like, unholy levels of pining and shame--the more forbidden the pairing, the better. So I'll read like huge age gaps, power differentials, incest, whatever, not because I'm into any of those things IRL, but because they are the only things to capture the level of shame and self-loathing I want my characters to feel about their attraction to each other.

Also, this is extremely specific, but I really like fics about two people who had a strong but non-romantic relationship, where one of them was kind of troubled and fucked up, and then that person died. And then the other one goes back in time, or to another universe, or something, except now they're older and wiser and more understanding, and they see their old friend/rival/whatever except they (the time traveler) are in disguise, and they are like "I have to save them this time, I have to make sure their life turns out better" and they are super intense about it and just staring at them with love and compassion.

And it doesn't even occur to them that this could be seen as romantic, because their relationship before was so far from romantic, but the other person is like "Why is this random stranger so obsessed with me, I guess they want me?" And then they (the one who died) falls in love with the other person, because no one else has ever cared about them that much, and the first person feels conflicted but ultimately goes along with it and is finally able to make their old friend happy.

Anyway I guess I basically wrote a fanfic in this post but whatever. I have read multiple fics with that plot arc, mainly for Thorki and Snarry, and I never get enough of it.

Fanfic I want to see written by someone else: Mainly I want a few fics (Particles and Stormbreaker in the MCU, and Elective Affinities in the HP fandom) to actually be completed lmao. Other than that, I'm not really sure. I'd love to see more good Honey/Haruhi fics. And of course, I'm always down for more Lawmane. Oh, I think I'd really enjoy reading a Lawmane high school or college AU where Misa is very popular and L is a loner and she torments him by leading him on.

Fanfic idea I can't make myself write: I've had some interest for awhile in writing a long Wolfstar fic, but I haven't been able to work up the motivation because 1. It's such a huge pairing, I feel like everyone else has done it better and 2. I like writing first times, but my headcanon is that they started messing around sexually on the young side, and I wouldn't want to just skip over that, but I'm also a bit scared to write and post it, even though I post lots of other problematic shit.

[southsidestory]

4, 8 and 15 for the identity ask thingy

Thank you SO much for this ask @bakashisensei I'm super bored today ;asldkgjk

4. do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?

I'm so sorry for the wall of text ahead, but I actually need to rant about this lmao

I have a love-hate relationship with my name. I think it's pretty and that it suits me, plus I get compliments on it all the time, but dear god is it a headache.

First of all, my full name is LONG. Which makes filling out paperwork with small boxes annoying.

Second, it's inconsistent on my most important documents because it includes a hyphen, which is allowed on birth certificates but not social security cards.

Third, I grew up thinking the hyphen was between my middle names, but it's actually between my first name and my first middle name. I didn't discover this until I went to college and had a reason to look at my birth certificate.

Fourth (and worst), there's also an apostrophe in my name, which gives panic attacks to computers on a regular basis. Pharmacies, hospitals, voting registration, websites, etc. I never know if it's going to take the apostrophe or not and it's enormously irritating.

Fifth, because I go by one of my middle names, I'm constantly called the wrong name. Teachers, doctors, therapists, physical therapists, etc. They call me by my first name, and even if I correct them repeatedly, they often never stop calling me by the wrong name.

Sixth, I'm named after the heroine of Gone with the Wind. Which. Well. When your namesake is the protagonist of (arguably) the most influential racist novel in the English language? I think the problem there speaks for itself.

The lesson you should take from this: think of the challenges that might come with the name you give your child!!

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

I'm not really A Music Person, and there aren't any particular artists that I feel connected to, but there are a few songs that will make me instantly cry because of how much I feel when I hear them:

"Praying" by Kesha

"She Used to Be Mine" from "Waitress", particularly Katharine McPhee's version

"Sober" by Demi Lovato

"Sorry" by Halsey

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

Harry Potter Series (god I hate that JKR made this painful to list, but I can't leave it out if I'm honest)

A Song of Ice and Fire Series

Rosemary for Remembrance by @sintari isn't a novel, but it's better than most actual published works so fuck the rules. This fic influenced my writing style more than any book I've ever read. It's brilliant and I'll never stop recommending it.

If anybody else wants to send me an ask for the identity game, feel free. I'll try not to be so wordy next time lol