#I can't use my characters on business cards and shit because they all just people! they'll think that's meant to be me or something!

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

You know I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel for extra credit in my assignments when I’m trying to pass-off my fursona as some kind of clever marketing strategy

[the-clay-quarters]

Okay this took me three days bcus I spent Way too long thinking about it but! here's my guys in @t6fs' template!

The only bit of this that was left blank for non character reasons is the dreams- I avoid all the dream cards in game to avoid nightmares, so I don't really know the vibes oops. Oh, and the key items are distinctive things they carry regularly, excluding things they'd own at home. Otherwise, detail bits under the cut! I ended up with a lot of notes and wanted to ramble, it's really fuckin long <3

Silverstein

"His" pet is Pembroke's Half-Wild Mandrake (from bag a legend). They both agree that it is still hers, it's just hard to take care of in the middle of the city so it lives out with him. Otherwise, he keeps no pets.

Apathetic but also opinionated: On most things, he's very apathetic, simply agreeing with other people's decisions. On the other hand, though, he is strongly revolutionary and aiming for a lot of change... Not that he'd tell you that, not that you should know.

Dreams: It's canon that clay men can't dream :( No rights

Habitat: He likes being out and about, he spends most of his day out in the streets. He does a lot of "low skill" but high strength work, like moving services or construction.

Both hot/cold and coffee/tea are Neither for clay man reasons: Very high and cold temperatures cause him issues in different, equally annoying ways, and he can't eat/taste either, so no preference on food or drink.

Items: The gloves are clay stained, actually, and primarily on the inside. He started collecting first city coins for heart's desire and just has a habit of keeping some on him now. Horse head amulet... fear of death and uncertainty about the particulars of clay men :)

Flower, white rose: Did you know all the funky coloured roses (ie blue or rainbow) are made by dying white ones? :)c

Animal, saint bernard: Big but fairly gentle and lazy, would be a guard dog if asked but is mostly content to just sit

Element, rock slide: Change! Upheaval! Rocks :3

Pembroke:

The pet is her hunting dog, lovely lil thing <3 She doesn't keep many pets as she's a very busy person (and wouldn't want to put that on her poor housekeeper) but a good dog is always useful.

Rude-polite range is because she defaults to, and is usually, quite polite but often is also overcome with the need to be an absolute lil shit. Duality of man <3

Lodgings: Rooms above an ex-bookshop, now her tailoring shop!

Enemies: See: habit of being a chaotic lil shit. Apparently people don't like it when you think their party is too boring and try to spice it up smh

Items: A wedding ring with no match. A pocket watch to keep a tight schedule. A weapon of some sort, picked from a diverse collection. A travel sewing kit for rogue buttons and popped stitches. A hat pin, back up weapon :)

Flower, green dahlia: .......This one's mostly a pun off of Delia ngl

Animal, borzoi: Fancy and elegant looking, but still a hunting dog. Pretty but vicious~

Vincent:

The pet listed is a frost-moth but they have so. many. bugs. The phosphorescent scarabs are also pets. They have spiders. They keep any and every type of bug to either study or have as a pet. Please never visit their flat if you don't like bugs.

Gender: Bureaucratic misunderstanding. They filled out various forms wrong when they were first travelling to the neath, rolled with the neutral pronouns, realised they like it more than they probably should, and simply refused to think about that at all

Logic-emotion range is them trying to lead with logic but also having high anxiety

Lawful-chaotic and apathetic-opinionated are also anxiety, honestly. Though, for the latter, they are just quiet about their more out-there opinions, especially in the realm of politics. It's a culture thing kinda sorta, if I get into that here it'll add like 3 paragraphs at least.

Cultural identity: Catalan! Very proud of that! But won't default to that and will usually say they're Spanish. I can't get into that for the exact same reasons as the last point oops

Allies: This guy ☝ is depressed and isolating themself

Remember vs forget: When you're this far from home, your culture comes just from your own memories that you can't afford to lose. But also fuck wouldn't it be nice to simply forget the things causing you anxiety.

Items: Big round glasses to counter their shortsightedness. Bugs. Anti spider goggles that aren't prescription, both because they were originally lent and because they don't usually need to see very far with them on. Catholic rosary, worn under their shirt. Bugs. Surface currency, specifically Spanish pesetas, sent from their parents. Bugs. Bugs. More bugs.

Flower, forget me nots: Blue, anxiety coded, pretty <3

Animal, mantis: Awkward looking, vibes <3 Also, specifically hierodula papua bcus it's blue!

[cerastes]

Since you like talking about relationships, I've got one I've been rotating in my head but can't really figure out: Kal'tsit and Muelsyse. They're both extremely long lived and, judging from Mumu's song, it's a major source of pain for her. But their personalities, at least on the face, are so totally different. I imagine they'd take quite a while to figure each other's shit out, since neither seems inclined to speak clearly or trust anyone more than necessary, leading to a dynamic that evolves quite a bit, and for a long time, perhaps to the confusion of less observant peers.

With both being practically the urban fantasy equivalent of long lived archmages with aching hearts, as well as experts on their particular fields, there's quite a few parallels one could make between them and their interactions would be very fascinating indeed!

However, I think you touched upon something that I think is both important and a bit different from how you put it: A main difference between Kal'tsit and Muelsyse is, in fact, that Kal'tsit does allow herself to trust in others, while Muelsyse keeps her cards close to her chest, even among those who she supposedly trusts.

Kal'tsit isn't naive, but she does in fact allow herself to trust others... A whole lot, in fact. She believed and trusted Theresa, and still tries to carry out her goals, she trusts in Amiya, not just because Theresa chose her, but because she really believes she's got what it takes. She trusts Rhodes Island Operators so much that, even though she's a powerhouse herself, she doesn't handle everything that Rhodes Island has going on and even has some Operators she implicitly trusts enough to let them handle some seriously dangerous stuff either under her or by being her extension in other endeavors she can't be there for personally, such as Margaret Nearl and Elysium. Reluctantly, she trusts in Doctor's abilities and temperament, in part out of necessity, in part because love it or hate it, Theresa did trust Doctor quite a lot, and so she'll trust in Theresa's trust.

Muelsyse, on the other hand? Her 'trust' is hugely utilitarian. Her choice of joining up with Rhine Lab was born out of necessity, as she judged that Kirsten and company would be her very best bet to achieve her own goals, but that backstabbing environment doesn't particularly allow one to make good friends or trust anyone too easily. In fact, during Mansfield Break, Muelsyse quite literally couldn't compute why Silence would be helping Anthony (Mountain) without ulterior motives: The fact that Silence would do it first and foremost out of the goodness of her heart was unbelievable to Muelsyse, because it goes against everything she's learned, especially in Rhine Lab. In a way, one could argue this is where she started changing a little, and it brought to mind how Saria was legitimately trying to be there for Ifrit because Saria legitimately holds affection for her, which Muelsyse thought was a load of barnacles before, at least without any sort of further objective or ulterior motive. Hell, Muelsyse's character song is a perfect fit for her: Chipper and energetic, yet, the lyrics are very sad and lonely.

I think a dynamic between Kal'tsit and Muelsyse would fundamentally be very... Curt, initially. All business from Kal'tsit's end, because Muelsyse has yet to earn her trust, all plastic smiles and idle hands from Muelsyse, because unless Kal'tsit can verifiably be of use to her beyond being a bigwig at RI, she doesn't need to know her.

But Kal'tsit grows on you, you know? Doctor's not the only one with those people skills... Perhaps they are at another level altogether, given they can handle even the freakiest freaks and weirdos and wrangle friendship out of them, but to say Kal'tsit isn't formidable in the arena of trust is but a lie. She'd get in, I'm sure. Muelsyse would see someone akin to her in ways other Terrans simply could never achieve, and while they are very different in terms of demeanor... Well, so are Kal'tsit and Closure, and Kal'tsit and Warfarin, two good friends of hers. Kal'tsit can definitely deal with Muelsyse's antics, and I think Muelsyse would enjoy seeing someone so similar to her in so many ways that can also allow herself to trust others. Maybe Kal'tsit could be important in just that: Muelsyse allowing herself to trust more.

[notoriouslynoone]

HEAR ME OUT-

I have come from the abyss to make a proposition.

We all know the ikemen series can get admittedly a little interchangeable with some of the thems and characters. Not that there all the same by any means, but you could most definitely switch up the cast without sacrificing too much plot, or atmosphere. So, a little worm crawled in brain a while back and refuses to die so...I guess I'll pass it along....

You might've seen the Villains/Prince card gotcha colab they did a month or more ago with Jude and Liam. It was relatively well received, yet I'm servierly disappointed this concept hasn't been played around with much in the respective fandoms.

So, since Cybird gave us some princely villains, I've come armed and prepared with the alternative.

"But the princes are all to sweet to become villains!" you cry.

Oh, ho, ho~ How wrong you would be.

The curses of the Crown members actually correspond with the personalities of the Rhodolite princes quiet nicely and we must remember that they fundamentally change how one naturally goes about their life. It's an entirely different mental strain that I think in the cases such as Leon's (whose self righteousness is glorified in its own right) could bring out some juicey aspects of their character we wouldn't otherwise see. (Honestly Leon was too perfect, I kept wondering when he was gonna go savage, nope...never did. I really want him to go all William on some evil...if that makes any sense.) Not to mention we'd go from the "we care because we're family" group dynamic, to the "well, shit i guess we're sorta family" dynamic. (Chevalier and Clavis being begrudging childhood friends working as business partners? Yes please!)

So we got (as I see it)-

A monarch-Leon

Fox- Nokto

Mirror- Clavis

Fairy- Chevalier

Huntsman- Jin

Throns- Luke

Sariel fulfills the role of the tall, dark, and dominating leader. (Not that Victor is...wait, nope, wedding event. Epilog)

The only issue I had was with Yves and Licht. They just don't fit, right? I mean honestly-oh, wait....

These curses change their holders more than any of the others. Really-would Elbert be a normally traumatized dude without his obsession with beauty? And Liam...

Well, that something else completely- but back to Yves.

My conflict regarding him came from the initial comparison I made between him and Liam. They’re nearly opposites when you think about it, or at least not the neat squeeze the others were logically beyond them both being cat-coded, until...

The fits.

This curse is particularly sinister due to them and it was when I began to think of the fits it all came together, ish...it's not like I've really flushed it out or anything.

Yves can't kill.

It's a horrific embarrassment for him as a member of the queen's secret army, of course, one the others make do to point out early in Emma's stay as fairytale keeper.

"We know how to cover eyes, just fine. Don't we Yves-ie boy?"

He grunts, pout twisting into a snarl. "I've never closed my eyes! I can stand it all just fine, thank you! I just like to have a little control over myself, unlike some people!"

"Aw, but what's the fun in that? Don't you ever want a taste of the 'darkness'," Calvis snickered, fingers quoting the air.

"I taste enough as it is, thank you."

"So you really haven't..killed? Her guts lurched, rejecting the abnormality of the sentence.

"What-of course I've killed! I'm apart of Crown! You saw us murder a man, remember?"

"It was mostly Leon," Licht flatly chimed.

Yves shot him a glare full of daggers. "The point is that I have-"

"Not on purpose." The room stopped, turning toward Nokto and his silver smirk. "It's why you joined, isn’t it? How’s it going by the way? Any trouble with the fits?"

Not everyone is rude about it. Actually, there's an overwhelming amount of support working in the background. They give him important, granted safe, missions that allow him to explore and exploit his curiosity without fear of cracking under the weight of it. Our princey boys would be a lot more resistant to their curses than our villain babes. In Yves case, he is so repressive he lives in fear of zooting out everyday for a whole different reason than Liam.

Liam's fits are connected to anxiety, grief, depression, guilt...

Well for Yves it's fear primarily. Don't get me wrong, there's self-loathing in there, but it's almost like a defense. So, due to events of the past that would be drawn out over the course of 18 chapters, he is terrified to kill, yet has and certainly will, but avoids doing so at all costs. (Which some of the others secretly respect him for. )

He takes it upon himself to survey Emma as fairytale keeper-to ensure her competence, NOT because the situation sucks and she must be so scared and everyone’s so scary-

Then of course it becomes exclusive, because he's safe and the missions are easy...

Until it's not.

He wants a challenge, something really plump to sink his teeth into. (Emma has really done a number on his confidence at this point.) They give it to him and it goes well, that is until one of the left over thugs, (which ever one tried to have a monolog, you know) grabs Emma when he's distracted. The situation turns, some of the dudes are up. They rough him around, threaten her, that sorta thing, then one pushes him down.

"You might as well go home kitty, you can't do shit to us."

He gets up, hand grazing the touch of metal at his side. It slips from its leather bed. He approaches the bastard tormenting Emma and plunges his knife between his neck and spine. One guy tries to get him by the shoulders; he turns and stabs him in the gut. The rest back away, he steps forward, both hands clinging to the now dripping blade-

And lunges.

Emma doesn't even have time to breathe.

(Does it look like Yves? Probably not, but for a 15 minute 2am pen-sketch it's okay. It's actually what inspired me to write this whole thing.)

He twirls around to face her, so, so happy and it takes everything not to scream. She smiles instead, moving towards his open arms, her own broadly spread.

"You did it!" Her body collapses against him, trembling. "That man, he-I...thank you."

Something dark passed through his gaze, then sank into the crook of her neck. "You're welcome..."

So yeah that's what I got. Cool, ay? Come on, it'd be fun....

Still unsure abut Licht, kinda feel like you might have to make up a curse for him. Big bad wolf or something...more or less to match Nokto. They are twins after all.

Welp thanks for reading if did!

Peace~

[pastel-rights]

Rate your friends

oh this anon finally decided to come around [insert tracy happy here]

uhhh it'll be underneath the cut because it's gonna be. long as hell BWAHAHA apologizing ahead of time if I get sappy 😶‍🌫️

sap

sap

sapppp

Rina [ My first real internet friend 🫡]

RINAAA I see you. I see your art. I perceive you.

And, even if we don't talk as much as we used to in the past, you'll always be the first of many great people I've met. And, I really love and appreciate your presence in my life. Dare I say it was life-altering!!

Ocean, Shamia, Arella, and all your other ocs, I'm cradling them in the palms on my hands so so lovingly. I have so many things I need to tell you to be honest !! But goddamnit I have work every night so I'm always busy doing something wahhhh

Anyways.

New Shamia reference when? I need to draw her and her blonde bitchass dog [ jack ] again they're so funny and I miss them 😭

Blue [ My lifelong irl to internet friend ]

From an IRL friend to now an online friend, we just can't get rid of each other. You're so cool...

You don't use tumblr so, I won't talk much further... but I do appreciate you. And all your silly Itto shrine moments.

Tae [ My Beloved Wife 🫶🏼]

She's the Cro to my Lee.

The Shuichi to my Kaede.

The President Barbie to my Stereotypical Barbie.

The Kafka to my Bladie [ unfortunately /lh ]

Theeeee Raiden Ei to my Yae Mikooooo.

My wife is many things to me!! I really really love your art and your writing, and you're always so kind and funny and I just wanna grrrrr I just want to hold all your ocs and all your muses so close I love them all 😭😭😭

although

YOU.

YOU

FUCKING

ASSHOLE /lh

THAT ORPHY EDIT. THOSE KAFKA BLADIE EDITS. THAT PEACE AND FRIENDSHIP TRIO EDIT. TRYING TO GASLIGHT ME INTO THINKING EVERYONE ELSE ISNT REAL. THE MURDER. THE KIDNAPPING. THE DART. THE FUCKING DART. OUGHHHHHHHHH

I HOPE YOU FALL THROUGH THE SKY, JOHN. KER-FUCKING-SPLAT, BITCH. I think you've driven me insane. A little bit.

But.

We're so good we are so good. Don't even WORRY about it.

Sam [ My Infamous Brother-in-Tumblr Law ]

Sam you're so. /pos

I think the Immortalpheus AU has permanently altered my perception on life.

Your writing is. well. it's painful /pos

You're so cryptic and really funny yet you and your sister make me say some weird shit during work. Like the uno cards and the Dazai shenanigans and Immortalpheus moments and whenever you drop some life shattering fics and shit you drop on others.

Crazy.

You're a very nice and fun person, all jokes aside!! You're very cool and very amazing and a delight to game with and just fun to be around??? your AU lore and your bots and everything is just so.

mwah

good friend good friend!!

french /j

Piano Immortalpheus forever immortalized isn’t that funny

Navi [ My detective in arms ]

NAVI.

OUGH.

THOSE VERITY JOURNAL ENTIRIES.

IM SO.

OUGHHHHHHH

Your art and your way of expressing your characters and your son in your writing are just soooo good I rotate them in my head so often.

Whenever I see you posting about your crimes to Tumblr, I simply giggle. Get em, Navi!!

We don't talk very often but like. I'd love to talk more. plot. commit shenanigans. heart hands.

Fifi [ fucking fifi /lh ]

I want to clasp my hands around your neck and rattle you violently /lh /pos

How are we friends /lh

We've been friends so long, it's kind of insane??? I remember first talking to you during Amy's opening event and everything just sort of spiraled from there... and every day with you is. an experience!! /pos

Still waiting for the Tower Bifty interaction fr fr [ they try to murder each other within the first five replies /j ]

Carrie [ my favorite mike enjoyer ]

CARRRIEEEEE

Number One Mike enthusiast the real Mike enjoyer.

Im always so giddy whenever you occasionally message me, even if it's just to check on me or show me how you torment Sam /lh and your writing and way of interpreting differing IDV characters and skins is so good??? I love reading them they make me so giggly.

Overall 10/10 friend would ramble to given the chance

Pins [ my boss /ih ]

MAFIA FISHHHHHHHHHH

stunning

beautiful

talented

pink enthusiast

My actual best friend, dare i say the bestest friend in the world???? every moment I spend with you is a blissful and amazing moment, and you've been through so much with me and the fact you stayed throughout it all????

I'm just... really glad you chose to stick with me this long. I can be a very abrasive and impulsive person, and yet you care for me, even with all my flaws and I think that just... says a lot about you.

You're the Jade to my Chiaki.

The Rook to my Epel.

The Deuce to my Ace!

Also your art just solos everything I glow whenever I see it

Skye [ my twst buddy !! ]

Grabs you

Holds you

Rattles you

Is friend.

Is friend shaped.

Approved /lh

Four [ floyd kinnie moment ]

Stop tormenting me with the take a break floyds you SCARE me

Never will be over the fucking

Ghostbusters Floyd edit

I flex my Beans Floyd in memory of you

You’re not dead I think you’re just somewhere in the distance squeezing someone like your life depends on it

10/10 friend when we ignore the four imposed breaks /j

Beth [ my favorite aesop and naib enjoyer ]

You.

Holds you gently.

The Aesop player

The Panda Naib haver.

The beloved

The silly.

✨ Beth ✨

Your art? Immaculate. I such a adoration for your art, and whenever I’m able to catch your drawing streams??? I’m just in awe!! Your colors and outfit inspirations are just so cute so nice so well done???

You’re so. You’re so cool uwahhh

MarioGuy [ where do you keep coming from I know damn well it isn't the door /lh ]

I feel like you kind of just break into my house sometimes and make yourself known before randomly disappearing through a non existent back door /pos

You’re a delight to be around!! Every match with you is a bit. It’s uhm. Something!! /lh

Please stop breaking into my home

Rice [ i occasionally remember that Mi Bianca thing and cry a little ]

Every time I see you pop up in my notifications I just smile and giggle.

We don’t talk often but you’re just so cool and awesome and your muses are so funky fresh and your art is so good and ????

Yeah.

Klai [ you. ]

You.

Chaos gremlin.

You never learn.

But you’re funny so I guess it’s okay.

Your art is so. It’s like a shiny gem 💎 and I WANT it. Holding it hostage.

My precious friend’s doodles.

Never trusting you to prime a cipher though. No hard feelings /lh

10/10 friend!! 0/10 decoder though /j

Orange [ ORANGEEEE my favorite chaos gremlin ]

ORANGEEEEE 🍊

So funny

So talented

So cool

So so cool

Your art is so good, you’re so funny and talented and a wonder to talk to. Your ideas are so creative so unique and yet so unequivocally you and I just…

I love it!!

Orange stop being so cool /j

Clown [ the greatest step-parent on the scene!! ]

This is utter insanity Clown you can’t be EVERY MUSE’S step parents there has to be a LIMIT!!!

A LINE in the SAND!!!!

Clown PLEASEEE

But also your art.

I’ve talked so much about everyone’s art

Yours reminds me of the feeling of waking up on a snow day and realizing school is canceled.

It’s always such a delight to see!!

And while every time you open your mouth, I get a little more worried about you, you’re so so cool /lh

Lupi [ you. x2 ]

imagine arson? imagine it no more im approaching your house at rapidly increasing speeds with my hello kitty lighter /j

Sleepy [ 🫡 ]

Sleepy!! 🫂 so cool,,, you’re so cool,,, /pos

Emma [ Sorry. Only one monster lover can exist in this server peacefully. GET EM. - emma ]

The caption says it all.

Also Tatya stop accidentally seducing all the muses or nearly getting stabbed or exploded or hypnotized you are worrying the GIRLIES! /lh

Al [ you have the vibes of the drunk wine family member in a /pos way ]

I don’t talk to you often but whenever you come around, it makes me so giggly. You’re very funny and your art slaps!!

Joe [ joe the silliest ]

JOE

Joe

Joe!

Your art? Funky fresh.

The lore? So interesting I love the little snippets I see floating around.

You’re so creative

Your Embrace is so funny they scream sacrificial lamb uncle who’s kind of fun at parties /lh

They’ve also got a really nice and warm personality, chaotic yet chill and relatable.

Kind of reminds me of Sam but without the entities 🫶🏼

Nakki [ you. x3 ]

Grabs you like a squeaky toy

That’s it that’s everything tbh

Kory, Boris, Brian [ and the rest of the McMun's Hut /lh ]

And this goes out to all my friends and acquaintances in the McMun’s hut! What is wrong with all of you /pos/lh (except you Boris, you’re an Angel)

Everyone there is super chill and super nice, and they’re a lot of fun to be around. So many differing personalities yet it’s always a vibe somehow.

[davosmymaster]

What Oscar Isaac character would survive in the last of us do you think?

AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS QUESTION THANK YOU SO MUCH NONNIE!!!

For starters, I think Marc and Jake would definitely survive. (It could take a toll on Marc definitely, but I think that at some point he would realize morals are not useful anymore.) By association, Steven would do it too. Jake would be Dark!Joel 2.0

(In fact, @loki-hargreeves and I have been thinking about what if Marc was Joel's son. I mean, Marc is 36 and Joel 56 so it would be completely possible. Sarah would take Randall's place. It would be amazing to see father and son reconcile at some point. Lots of angst. And this is what we imagine Marc Spector (former Marc Miller) to be:

WILLIAM TELL. (The Card Counter)

I wanna believe that he for sure would do survive too. Maybe he would become an actual officer and that's his way of surviving. Maybe he will just hang around the QZ. In any case, he is a very capable man.

KANE. (Annihilation)

KANE FOR SURE. You hear me? like KANE. Especially the Kane at the end of the movie. He is a menace. I love him so much. He would make it 100%

Pre-canon Kane would join the fireflies and risk everything for a cure. I bet my right arm.

Now... Nathan Bateman (Ex-Machina)

Ohhh shittttt. This man has all the money in the world, but he didn't get all that money just by chance. He earned it because he is extremely smart and manipulative. This man would THRIVE in TLOU. He would found his own QZ or some shit. He is a natural leader despite not wanting/loving the idea of people around him. He knows what buttons to push, and he has knowledge that FEDRA wants. He is 100% surviving TLOU even if he is not fighting clickers himself

And the last character to survive is... Poe Dameron

Just because I refuse to believe he would get killed. I feel like he is a bit too enthusiastic and hopeful for TLOU torture so Im not so sure about him. Still, I wanna believe Poe would survive. Certain people would kill me if I didn't mention him here.

Other characters such as Santiago... I don't think he would survive. Maybe it is because I don't like him very much but he is too greedy for TLOU. He would get killed by raiders or FEDRA for sure.

Duke Leto... he is so far from TLOU that I can't even imagine him in the show. I'm sorry🤣🤣

Jonathan would die on outbreak day trying to protect his daughter. He also likes pancakes too much not to have them for breakfast😂😂.

Blue Jones I think he would survive for a while but eventually get killed the same way David got killed because this man is a little too deranged. He would survive if he got good business partners (don't wanna get too dark in this... but I mean... the man "owns" a few beautiful girls... David vibes in here).

I think that's all. Thank you so much for this. Had wayyy too much fun!!!

Love you

💕

[turtlecleric]

Okay. I'm rereading Symphony after the Chapter 20 bombshell because I am so Very Unwell, and I'm keeping track of my thoughts here. SPOILERS for Symphony, obviously. I quote the fic a lot, and those quotes are in bold.

[I'm making a new post for this so that it's not so obnoxiously long and annoying for everyone's dash after I finish each chapter. I'll just update this one post instead of adding more and more reblogs.]

Last Chapter Reread: Chapter 20!! This post is finally complete!

Chapter 1

I'm just... I can't stop thinking about Violist-chan right now. Even from the very first chapter, it's established that she (in my opinion) is the type of person who really goes above and beyond to be thoughtful and considerate and just plain nice to people (as long as they aren't complete jerks obviously).

She put together goody bags for her neighbors because she was going to be practicing at home for a bit, and these bags had "ear plugs, ibuprofen, a small gift card to one of the local coffee shops, two homemade cookies, and a card with your handwriting on it" as well as her cell number so people could ask her to stop if need be, like???? Are you kidding me???? That's so much effort and time and actual money spent that she put into that, and she wasn't even close to any of her neighbors (at the time) or anything, she was just being considerate. And then at April's door she offers to go get more cookies for them just to prevent any sort of argument over the cookies. Then offers Casey a discount on violin lessons. Then offers to let him use and potentially buy one of her old violins since he doesn't have one. GIRL. LEO IS RIGHT. YOU'RE TOO NICE.

On another note, have we seen the diagonal neighbor yet that wasn't home when Vi was distributing cookies? I can't remember. I wonder if they're going to be important. I'm not dismissing ANYTHING anymore.

Oh my god. Her talking to April about becoming friends -> Quick, what’s something friends do together?! “We can… grab coffee sometime?” Shit, shit, that’s a date thing, right? Fuck!

Then just after, when she's alone -> “…Friend,” you echo stupidly, trying to think of when was the last time someone had called you that. To put it gently, that's not the word most people use to describe you. THIS HURTS ME. VIOLIST DEFENSE SQUAD ROLL OUT FOR REAL, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?? SO WHAT, HAVE PEOPLE JUST BEEN NEGLECTING AND USING HER HER ENTIRE LIFE??? I'M SO ANGRY. (But also, Grace and Sinclair are perfectly nice and friendly... I feel like Vi really struggles with making and keeping friends? So she just. Keeps herself so busy that she doesn't have time to think about how actually lonely she really is?)

that little mindfulness trip you were pretending you were definitely going to take this year no really this time is also off the books

She straight up does not take care of herself and kind of knows that? She's never her own first priority. God.

A sense of unworthiness slides down your spine like ice; it doesn’t feel proper for you to receive praise for something that should just be normal.

The first time I read this I remember thinking that she was such a good person for this mentality, but now this makes me think of the (Stupid girl. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid) stuff we've been getting lately. I'm so sad for her, I wonder if she's always struggled with negative thoughts and feelings about herself and the relationship with Alopex made it worse?

You look tired, you think, studying the bags under your eyes and the frown on your face. Do you always look this tired? Is this the face everyone sees you wear? Is this how the world knows you?

Once again. I am so sad for her.

When April runs into her and her laundry goes everywhere and she just. 'It's okay, I got it, go on, don't worry' like I'm??? SO????? I'm not mad at April or anything obviously, but this is just another instance of Vi putting herself last, behind literally everyone else. ALL SHE DOES IS GIVE GIVE GIVE.

What an excellent introduction to her character.

---

Chapter 2

Vi talking about the proper sitting technique with Casey - "You’ll get used to it. Maybe someday you’ll be like me and that’s just how you sit now.” 

This is hitting me because yes obviously she's a professional musician so it makes perfect sense, but also the idea of doing something that starts out as uncomfortable for so long, over and over and over, until it feels natural to you... kind of like how she's made being alone (in the ways that matter), staying busy, and putting others first into her normal.

God. Casey still, even after so long, having to remind himself that his life is no longer a genuine toss up every day. "Plenty of time" must have been such a foreign concept that he still struggles with at times.

Vi is genuinely so funny. I need to shower her in compliments immediately.

Ooh, you misread that one. ... “Sorry, I just assumed-"

GOD. Vi seeing a relationship between Casey and April where there wasn't one (yet). This hits different after chapter 20. Fuck.

you’re kind of desperate for pleasant things at the moment

I'm going to cry. This is literally only the second chapter and nothing has really happened yet but I'm really realizing how much I love Vi and want her to be happy. I want her to be taken care of so badly. My heart aches for her.

Donnie: "I apologize. I misunderstood.” HM. ANOTHER NOD TO MISUNDERSTANDINGS. This has GOT to be intentional. I'm so angry (impressed).

Vi, to Donnie about Casey: "if I find out that you’re being a dick, we’re going to have words.” She's so fiercely protective of others. But for herself??? Nah. Let it go, be the bigger person, blah blah blah. I'm going to fling myself into the sun.

---

Chapter 3

Baking apology cookies for April and Donnie. ONCE AGAIN. VI IS TOO NICE. GOD.

“Typical Donnie stuff,” April says, opening the oven to check on whatever smells amazing inside. “Being a smug little buttface. Jumping to conclusions. Running his big mouth.”

YEAH. YEP. TYPICAL DONNIE STUFF. GOD.

Vi just. So easily and quickly forgiving Donnie after their first meeting. Despite her justifiable anger. I'm. Gritting my teeth. (I LOVE Donnie, I will ALWAYS be a Donnie girl, but I cannot help being so, so angry with him after chapter 20.)

Leo's first appearance!! God I love him so fucking much. (I cannot wait for his talk with Vi whenever we finally make it to Saturday in the fic. I'm also slightly terrified that whatever he tells Vi will be some sort of... betrayal? I don't think my heart could take being upset with both Donnie AND Leo... we'll see.)

The pressure that Vi felt while Leo was studying her... I'm still wondering if the pressure was an actual like... mystical thing, somehow? Or if it's just his Presence, if he's just that good, that he can make his scrutiny something almost physical.

him not knowing you well enough to know you don’t normally look this exhausted

Is that even true, though? I feel like Vi IS always exhausted. How could she not be? Literally HOW does she even function, honestly?

"They’d have to get through me if they wanted to do something, and god, April, I was hoping they would, all but begging them to, I was so fucking mad—”

Once again, she is so fiercely protective of others. And I'm almost... worried about it. She really does throw herself in harms way without a second thought. I almost wonder if... some part of her welcomes some kind of... punishment or backlash or something. 'Better me hurt than anyone else' kind of thing, you know? And there was a line a few paragraphs before that - you tug on a lock of hair to distract yourself from getting too worked up - and that, paired with the recent things she's been doing in 20 and 21, gripping her arms and leaving crescent marks, pressing into the bruises Donnie left, only forcing herself to eat in front of Leo so he doesn't worry... all of that is very familiar to me in the worst way. I'm so worried about her.

you look up to see three faces looking at you with various levels of awe. It makes you sick, seeing it, knowing that they think you’re something incredible when you’re just doing the bare minimum. Your arms fold, nails digging into your biceps - again, I remember reading this the first time and thinking she was so great, and she IS, but I'm so so WORRIED about her. Also, once again, the digging nails into her skin thing. Worried. WORRIED.

(I love April so much. God. She deserves more love and attention from me, she really is such a good friend.)

Leo, you note, has been quiet for this entire conversation. You notice it suddenly ... Even when you look at him and his eyes meet your own, staring, staring, he doesn’t say anything, and his face is blank.

I'm obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with whatever is going on in his head. I'm obsessed. I was obsessed then, I'm obsessed now, I will stay obsessed. I love him.

“This was—so amazing, oh my god,” you tell April and Casey. “I’m so glad we’re friends. Can we do this all the time? I’ll bring cookies and bread and stuff.”

SHE'S SO LONELY. SHE JUST WANTS FRIENDS. VI, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO GET THEM TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. I'M SO GODDAMN SAD.

Leo saying Vi is good with people. And Casey earlier saying that Donnie is NOT good with people. And just. Chapter 20, with her blaming herself for not seeing what was going on. For thinking she's so stupid and everything is on her. Chapter 21, with the (Did you try?). I'm so so angry. I'm sick with it.

Vi is so smart. Putting things together and making connections and realizing things that others might miss - even Leo acknowledges it. So having the chapter 20 realization... more and more I'm convinced that, yeah sure Vi is an unreliable narrator, but I REALLY feel like Donnie is just a fucking idiot (I mean that so affectionately, I promise).

"I’d… like to have more nights like this one. To. To have a family. If I can.” “You can,” he says, reaching out a hand and laying it over yours...

Then Leo talking about how you're like Donnie, implying how it'd be fun to watch Vi and Donnie get closer... does Leo feel guilty over this now? Now that Vi is so fucking... Hurt? Does he partly blame himself for the pain she's experiencing now?

you do feel a small twinge of sympathy for how easily he dismisses his troubles

OH OTHERS DISMISSING THEIR TROUBLES???? HM. HM.

Finally, sure you’re alone and no one’s here to ever know, you let yourself cry.

Seriously, I am on the Violist defense squad for life. I would die for her. God.

---

Chapter 4

Normally you’d ignore it [her phone going off], since it’d be something innocuous like a bank notification, or maybe something as spicy as a wrong number. But you have, like, friends now. 

:( just. Reiterating how goddamn lonely she is. My eyes are actually watering over this. WE'RE NOT EVEN TO THE BIG STUFF YET AND I'M SO FUCKING SAD.

having to do a double-take when you see yourself looking positively ghoulish

Does she ever describe herself as looking good?? I'm thinking back to the aquarium, surely she thought she looked nice for that, at least, but aside from then I can't remember??? Has Donnie even once called her beautiful or pretty or even nice looking? I can't REMEMBER and I'm having FEELINGS about it.

Agreeing to make Casey some bread immediately upon being asked, even though she'd have to go to the store to get everything she needs. I get the feeling she is like 'if I make myself useful, if I pair my presence with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around' and I don't know how unconscious that whole thought process is for her but I'm seeing it a lot.

Now that you’re keeping your window locked pathologically, the old game of sneaking in via the fire escape is off the table.

Wait... did I miss something about the window staying locked? Hang on what the fuck. Is this a throwaway line or does this mean something? HANG ON I'M PANICKING NOW WHY WAS THIS ONCE A THING BUT NOW IT'S NOT????

the more you forget to eat during the season

Do not like this. That it's just normal for her to forget to eat so often during the season. This is probably just me looking into it too deeply, I know people do this all the time, but I Do Not like it and I need someone to take care of her so badly. Like Leo has been doing lately, tbh. She deserves the world. (Am I... falling in love with the fucking insert character? I might be. Dammit.)

(Mikey appears!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH)

Donnie to Vi at the store: “You look a lot less like you got hit by a garbage truck."

BOY IF YOU DON'T- HHHHHHHH I'M FINE.

“I’d been under the impression that you had your feelings hurt by what I’d said,” he says, raising his fingers and curling them into quotes around the word. ... "...apologies are dumb.”

Clenching. My. Jaw. I love him, I find him so charming and funny, but knowing about chapter 20 just has me so full of rage that these little comments are killing me now.

Aaaand Vi agreeing to make Leo cookies now. Once again. Doing things for others. Almost constantly, honestly.

it’s more a stress thing than a hobby [Vi talking about baking]

Hm. Her stress response is to be busy/useful to others. Hmmmmm.

While making bread for Casey, she made a whole other loaf of bread just for Leo. And then when Casey slips up about saying he'd never touched an oven before - you shrug one shoulder to show you’re chill with the secret. “…It’s, uh. Not impossible to believe, I guess?” you say, hoping to comfort. - she is always so focused on making others feel better. Constantly. Repeat after me: trauma.

"You’ve proved yourself to be a capable consultant."

Pursing my lips at this comment from Donnie.

You’re almost certainly projecting, but you tuck away the feeling nonetheless.

Pursing. My. Lips.

Vi: “…Sorry, I’m, uh. Kind of new to the friend thing. I’m still learning.”

Donnie: “Well, that won’t be a problem you’ll have for long. Practice makes perfect, and as a perfectionist myself, I’ll ensure your training will be thorough.”

This just. I. I know I've got a lot to reread before we get to the "relationship" but like??? I can't remember, but is he still under the impression that he's training her in friendship while he's fucking her? Yes, it's an experiment, but?????? Even then?????? I'M?????? I cannot fathom- I just don't- UGH THIS STUPID FUCKER

---

Chapter 5

God. The insights into Donnie's issues. Hits me just as hard the second time around. It... does soften my anger with him a little. To remind myself how intense his touch aversion was/is.

My heart still aches for Vi, obviously, but my heart aches for Donnie, too. He's doing the best he can with what he's got - like most people. I love him to death and I want him to be happy, too. He's not the villain. He can be a jerk, yeah, but the bombshell in chapter 20 to me really is just a misunderstanding. He's not being cruel. He just doesn't understand. (UNLESS I'M WRONG. IN WHICH CASE. DEATH.) But genuinely... it's just a tragic situation right now. Anyway, back to chapter five.

“…Can you check up on him for me?” you ask Leo, bringing your hands to your chest and curling them together in a self-soothing gesture. “I’m worried I might have upset him, somehow. He was okay until I asked him about it.”

Sorry I'm back on my "Vi deserves the world, she cares so much about others, always thinks of others and tends to blame herself for things too often, I'm going to lose my mind" bullshit.

"…He seems lonely.”

YOU SEEM LONELY. VI. I AM HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN.

---

Chapter 6

You, for one, are still feeling a little awkward from whatever hot mess had happened over dinner last night and hadn’t felt comfortable being the first one to reach out despite Leo’s wordless promise that things were fine.

Donnie, it seems, does not share the same issue, or at least has overcome it. …Then again, it’s completely possible that you’re overthinking all of this, you suppose, texting him back as if nothing had happened.

I can only wonder about the difference we'll see between this and what happens when Vi and Donnie talk now (after the incident in Chapter 20). I'm HOPING there is open and honest communication... but we'll see.

You’re not exactly sure what’s going on between your ears, but it’s starting to leak out and project your thoughts onto others, making you see things.

:( so mad at myself. So goddamn mad I never saw the unreliable narrator thing coming. She WASN'T just seeing things here, but still. Little hints here and there like this are slapping me in the face now.

"I don’t want you to hurt your hand.”

Your chest squeezes a bit at his care

The bar is on the floor honestly. She needs someone to care about her enough that something like that doesn't give her that kind of reaction.

(Even with my anger and sorrow for Vi, Donnie still has me falling for him as I reread this. God.)

[April talking] “…I knew you were a good one,” she says, causing you to scoff and turn your face when you feel it warm. “Nuh uh, you’re gonna take the compliment this time, girlie.” Yes April!! My girl!!! She really is so amazing.

“Wow! I see no one but Donnie loves me,” you gripe

Hey what's up I'm crying

Vi making a mental note to make everyone a batch of cookies... I won't repeat myself. Okay, fine, I will - if I can manage to stay useful, if I can pair myself with things they like, maybe they'll keep me around.

(On a side note........ Mikey refers to Leo's thirst traps on his So-Shell account...... I would like to see them)

“Any idea why Donnie’s looking at you like you’re the first slice of pepperoni pizza from a particularly yummy-smelling box?”

Leo once again teasing you about Donnie...

[Vi Talking] "This is so nice. I like hanging out here.”

WHY CAN'T I HUG HER. WHY. LET ME HUG HER.

Jeez rereading this reminds me just how much Leo was sort of playing matchmaker between Vi and Donnie. He HAS to feel guilty now. Mad at Donnie, yeah, but also so guilty over all the things he did to push and encourage and tease.

You’ve been hugged more in the last few days than you probably have your entire life, and it feels so, so good, like you’re loved and you belong and they’re telling you that with their bodies as much as their words.

ONCE AGAIN. MAY I PLEASE HUG HER. That section is about how Donnie hasn't had that in a really long time, and that is heartbreaking, but I'm still really focused on Vi. Please let me hug her. Please.

---

Chapter 7

It’s tempting to think about the small things he’s done that could be him reciprocating your feelings; how he lets you into his lab, how his eyes consume you, how he lets you touch him, seems to crave it even.

[Through tears] yeah. Easy.

he’s an attractive genius ninja who could have anyone he wanted. And you’re just… you.

JUST YOU??? YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING. I WILL KILL FOR YOU, VI. FUCK.

Vi is so fucking funny. And smart. Well, of course, she's a perfect match for Donnie, and I love Donnie, so it makes sense, but still. I hate that she thinks so lowly of herself.

“Challenge? Absolutely not. I’m not even remotely dressed for that,” you deny, hesitating when Leo rolls his eyes. “…But I guess I can do one song.”

She sees Leo roll his eyes and relents. ONCE AGAIN I may be reading too into things, but I'm getting this... feeling about that. Idk. She WILL chew you out if you're an asshole. She WILL bicker and banter and razz. She isn't a pushover or anything at ALL, but... idk what I'm trying to say. This is making me think that, at least with people she really wants to like her, any sign of them being annoyed or upset by her has her internally scrambling to fix it. I'm probably just protecting here but. Idk.

Leo winking when you go off with Donnie. :(

“I don’t… like it when people touch me,” ... “—but it feels different when it’s you,” he says, and this time when his gaze meets yours, your breath latches in your throat like a lock and his eyes are clouded with a hesitant clarity, like he knows exactly what he’s saying but he doesn’t understand why he’s saying it.

Come on. Come ON. He doesn't understand. This HAS to mirror him not understanding the nature of their relationship later on, right??

It’s possible, you suppose, that you’re misunderstanding what he’s implying—again projecting what you want to hear on his words.

Flinging myself. Into. The sun.

[Donnie's] tone tucking into a more clinical tone like a safety blanket

Just like how viewing the relationship from a strictly clinical, experimental point of view protects him. Am I reading into this right? This is still early, before Vi sees them as having gotten together, but it mirrors what happens later, right? It's a defense thing for him, to see their activities as strictly an experiment and to not let himself look any closer whether he realizes it or not?

(GOD. JUST GOTTA TAKE A BREATHER HERE. THE TOUCH STUFF. I'M WEAK. STILL. I'M WEAK. I CANNOT COMMENT FURTHER ON IT BECAUSE I JUST. GOD.)

“What? I can’t compliment my bestie and her fine legs?” Leo coos, reaching over and flicking your nose gently.

“Leonardo,” Donnie warns, folding his arms.

I'm sorry. What other way is there to read this aside from Donnie already feeling a little possessive over Vi? Also I'm glad Leo is giving her compliments pretty often. SOMEONE needs to.

So many little things that indicate Donnie likes her, really truly likes her... HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BLAME VI WITH ALL THIS BUILDUP AND EVIDENCE. I'M FUCKING. UGHHHH

---

Chapter 8

Having such amazing friends wants you to reach out and have a little piece of that, maybe learn how to be a little amazing yourself, too.

You ARE amazing. I'm crying in the fucking club over Vi. What the FUCK.

God. The anti-mutant guy in the coffee shop. Once again she so easily sticks up for others without a single thought to her own wellbeing. Also, the random guy that stepped in and started beating that fucker... again, I'm not letting anything go. I wonder if he's actually just a random guy or if he's important/will come back into play. Also, Vi getting hurt and thinking "it better not stop me from practicing" like??? I SWEAR. (Workaholic. Must be useful. Must keep going so I don't have time to wallow in loneliness. etc.)

Just noticing, again, how Vi tries so hard to respect boundaries. Not asking April about Casey's past while she talks with April in the coffee shop, even after April lets a little comment slip. She tries to respect boundaries so hard and takes on so much emotional labor. That's not nothing.

Donnie tells her to send another pic of herself in the bath. Says he noticed she wasn't wearing her perfume recently. I'm sorry. WHAT is platonic about that. Literally I do not fucking understand. God. Just fucking shoot me.

Irritable, you at least make yourself useful and clean your apartment

The way she phrases that. Make yourself useful. I'm. SIGH. I need to hug her. It's not a want, at this point, it's a need.

you watch as his brows furrow again, his lips pursing. “…I don’t like this.”

“The bruise? Me neither. It fucking hurts.”

“Someone else’s handprint on you,” he specifies.

Come ON. And then saying he enjoys touching her. COME ON. How is he not in love with her? He's GOTTA be.

She calls him beautiful. He. He doesn't say it back. This kills the man (the man is me). He does say he's enjoying holding her hand, but that's tied back to the experiment. I'm so sad.

When Leo accidentally hurts Vi by pressing the bruise and she is like "it's fine I'm fine" AND moves away so Donnie doesn't touch her because she's hyper aware that Donnie doesn't want Leo to know about the touch thing?? CONSTANTLY. THINKING. OF OTHERS.

“…You don’t even get how incredible you are, do you?” he asks, causing you to roll your eyes. “You seriously don’t see it.”

YES LEO. YES. TELL HER. I'M SO!!!!! UGH.

---

Chapter 9

Wearing a line into your rug, you shake your hands as you fret, brain racing a million miles an hour while your muscles buzz with the need to be productive.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm so sad for her. This is one of the million little things that makes me worry so much over Vi. The need to be productive, the anxiety over it even when she has a legitimate reason to take it easy.

[Leo] His frown deepens, eyes going a little dark with anger. It reminds you, a bit, of the energy you’d felt before he’d known you; when a simple stare had all the hairs on your body standing on end, paralyzed, a rabbit before a stalking wolf.

Sorry, wolf Leo? Sorry, villain au? Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh OK ok sorry I'm back to normal Sorry

You swallow at the sight of it, and, needing to soothe, change the subject before he can really engage with it

Needing to soothe. God. GOD. Seriously, I cannot stop thinking about how this might be a result of trauma just because I see it so often with Vi. Like she's... taking responsibility for other people's potential negative emotions/reactions when it's people she's close to. Feeling the need to do anything she can to prevent a blowup or whatever. I'm unwell.

Leo may be better at reading people than you, but you’re still really good.

This kills me. I'm TELLING you, man, Donnie is in love with her and she thought it was a relationship because it SHOULD be, it WOULD be if Donnie wasn't oblivious to his own feelings (or maybe he has different views on what a relationship is? Maybe there are unspoken laws in his head about what constitutes this sort of relationship vs that sort of relationship? Idk I'm honestly sort of an idiot so I'll just have to wait and see what Sam reveals about all this, but I can't help reeling all over again when lines like this pop up).

[Helping Leo relax and sleep] It’s not practicing, but it is something productive you can do, in a way. The need to be useful. Again. I'm crying.

“Want some water? I’ll grab us something.” ... “Sure,” you tell him, knowing he needs to take care, to provide in order to feel in control,

Even letting someone else do something for her is framed as her trying to be useful. I'm FUCKING crying.

So you sit, quiet, letting him use you,

That wording. Letting him use you. God. GOD. I'm not joking when I tell you my heart fucking aches for Vi. This isn't anything bad - she's just helping Leo get some sleep - but the phrasing of letting him use her. I'm so deeply unwell.

[Leo says] “You n’ Donnie really are perfect for each other.”

Yeah. Fuck.

“You work too much, you know that?"

YOU'RE RIGHT, LEO. YOU'RE SO FUCKING RIGHT.

...peering into the plastic bag to find a sweet spread of sushi. Wow, Leo really felt bad about the drool thing, you muse.

Alternatively, he appreciates the fuck out of you. Hang on I'm gonna look Too Hard at this real quick. The idea that Vi naturally defaults to Leo getting her nice sushi because he feels guilty rather than thankful. The idea that she isn't doing anything worthy of appreciation or praise, but rather that he mostly just feels obligated to make up for drooling on her. I need to hug her please. I'm actually begging at this point.

[Thinking about Donnie] It’s ridiculous how he can be so smart and so stupid at the same time

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. FUCK.

“It’s just so funny to think of him apparently hating classical music now, because before, he always used to listen to—” Casey starts lightheartedly, though his jaw snaps shut and his face goes very, very still. Terrorized eyes snap wide on your face like he’s seeing you for the first time, like you’re a myth come to life. ... “…Oh, no,” he warbles, his lips quivering as he looks at you like he’s seen a ghost. Then, with a jolt, he shakes his head, clutching at the back of his nape hard and looking off to the side, a tormented fake smile on his face that looks sharp as a knife and like it’s cutting him just as much to hold it. “I-It’s nothing, just… Just thought about something I’d heard when I was a kid, once. I just… suddenly realized something, is all.” ... He looks like he has War and Peace on the tip of his tongue as he nearly consumes your face, memorizing it even,

OH MY GOD. OUCH. HAHA. HA. YEAH. OKAY. YEAH.

It makes you clutch your biceps, nails digging into your flesh, muscles pulling tight as you fret, fret, fret.

There it is again, the nails digging into skin. A little thing, but it has the potential to be dangerous, or even to hint at something dangerous being a possibility in the future. (Me projecting, projecting, projecting, always.)

God. I'm falling in love with Donnie once again. When will I be stopped.

“You—I’m so mad at you for doing this when I told you not to, but also this is the most amazing thing anyone’s ever done for me, and I want to thank you but I don’t have any cookies on me at the moment.”

Hey look I'm gonna Read Way Too Into Things again. She says this as if her words mean nothing. As if saying thank you and verbally expressing her gratitude is not enough, so she has to do something (be useful be useful be useful) to really be expressing her gratitude. (I get that sometimes words don't feel like enough, especially when we're so overcome with gratitude and we want the other person to REALLY get how thankful we are, I promise I get that, but it's just all these little tiny constant bits that have me seeing innocuous things like this as so much more. I'm sorry, again, I'm probably projecting.)

Also, just saying this so I have it on record, but Donnie has very firmly confirmed that he has befriended her, here. Just saying. For my sanity.

(The touch stuff. I'm on fire. I am burning as I type. God.)

[Raph] “Don’t mention it. Worrying is what I do."

That comment makes me so sad. Everything makes me sad. I'm a sad sack over every single person in this goddamn fic.

(Third Law. I'm soft.)

Leo calling Vi a "lovely lady" - once again, thank God someone is complimenting her.

Leo giving Donnie a flat look... I need to know what is going on in his mind like I need air.

LEO ASKING IF EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND CALLING HER HERMOSA AND BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

---

Chapter 10

Mikey is so!!! I love him I love him I love him I-

(Mikey calls her cute in the group chat 💕 sweetest boy)

Vi making more cookies for the boys. Again. (Useful useful useful)

Huffing out in relief, you smile and nod, showing him the ulnar flossing exercises

Vi feeling relief that Mikey asks to see the wrist stretches... relief that she is being useful. Relief that she can help. Sigh.

When Donnie is laying on the cot, he asks Vi to stay and: the angle he’s using to tug on you is encouraging you to lie down instead. You hesitate, swallowing thickly, causing him to huff out an annoyed sigh, his eyes falling shut into a frown.

“If you’d rather go find Leo—”

“What? No,” you say, baffled he’d even think that. You try to remember the words he’d used yesterday, when you’d asked for a hug, ready to use them against him. “It’s just that this is a… a rather large escalation of contact.”

“Oh,” Donnie says, his frown smoothing out a bit. “Not really? It’s essentially the same thing?”

“…But in bed?” you clarify, wondering if maybe there’s some kind of turtle-brained thing that makes horizontal touches no different, or if you’re just overreacting.

HANG ON. THIS HITS DIFFERENT NOW.

he starts the music and then tucks back into you like that’s just what the two of you do.

...Donnie doesn't have a lot of friends, either. Do you think he really doesn't see the stuff that's happening as romantic? Does he think, even once the sex starts, that it's not unusual for friends to engage in that sort of thing as long as they agree to it beforehand? Or is he so deluded into thinking she wouldn't want him romantically that HE'S thinking she sees the experiment as the only reason to do that stuff with him, so there's no way they could really be together in a romantic relationship? (I'm trying so hard to understand and give him credit here. I'm gonna have to reread chapter 20 again for what he says exactly because I feel so stupid.)

Eager to stop what looks like an imminent meltdown from Mikey, you step forward first and start piling food onto your plate. “It looks great, Mike,” you tell him, both out of honestly and also to get him to look at you and smile instead of glaring at his brothers.

Once again Vi is taking responsibility for preventing conflict/negative emotions between people she cares about.

You’re glad your back is turned on the way to the table when he says that, as none of the turtles see the way your face crumples just a little at the wave of emotion that grips you when he calls you family.

(Lonely lonely lonely) let me hug her!!!!

Leo calls her a pretty girl when he's on the phone with Donnie in her apartment. Once again, I love him SO MUCH for being loose with his compliments, because Vi deserves people who will make her feel good about herself, but also he's clearly riling Donnie up with comments like that - what way is there to read it other than Donnie liking Vi romantically and feeling possessive over her? Everything points to Donnie either just being dense about his own feelings or not fully understanding what a relationship IS if he really doesn't see them as in a relationship by chapter 20. Unless I'm so incredibly missing the point, which is always possible because I am, in fact, an oblivious idiot most of the time.

---

Chapter 11

("lbjean_87’s Insta profile" is a reference, I'm sure, but idk what exactly other than the "87" for the 87 tmnt cartoon)

The whole interaction with Barry where he says Vi is having a positive impact on the boys... and she's uncomfortable with the implication that she's doing something special, struggling with someone pointing it out, struggling to accept that she is a special person who positively impacts others...

Barry hums thoughtfully. “I see. It is not that you are self-depreciating. You are, in fact, just an idiot.”

Hm. Just pointing this out because I forgot about it. It's so ingrained for her to diminish what she does for others, and he sees that I think... but also. This line from Barry being in THIS chapter, where the whole misunderstanding STARTS.

“Why are you sorry?”

You exhale a sharp breath, running a frustrated hand through your hair. “I’m sorry he found out? That I didn’t keep our promise not to let anyone know? That he tried to hug you and you freaked out? That I haven’t been helping you with your touch thing as much as I’d hoped I was? I mean, fuck, pick one, dude.”

Again, she takes on so much responsibility and guilt. I'm SO interested in learning more about her relationship with Alopex (and any other trauma that may have contributed to all of these things I'm noticing that she does).

Okay nobody panic but I'm finally to The Point where they establish some things and set up for the bombshell.

“…Intimate touches,” you repeat, turning back to look at him once you’ve pulled yourself away from the brink of flying right out of your own skin. “Like… what, petting? Kissing? Sex? What are we talking about, exactly?”

“All of it, ideally,” he says. “I’m quite curious to study how I’ll react, especially considering the whole touch aversion situation.”

Curious how he'd react... oh my god. He doesn't say anything about a relationship at all. This is killing me. It's all focused on the experiment. I'm a fucking fool.

“…Do… Do you wanna try it?” you ask, a tiny glittering light threatening to bloom like a sun in your chest. “…Us, together, I mean?”

Okay yeah. "Us together" could just be read as "us doing those things together" rather than "us being together in a romantic relationship." Goddddd.

Giddy excitement spreads over his face unlike what you’ve seen before. “Really? With… With me?” he asks, and god, the sight of him so openly happy makes you fucking ascend.

So the first time, I read that as 'you're really open to dating me (and all the things that come with that)?' But now it's ONLY 'you're willing to do sex stuff with me/to help more with my touch thing and sate my curiosity?' SAD. DEVASTATED. EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED.

“Of course, I—” ... “Donnie, I… of course. I’d be stupid to say no, right?”

“Oh, that’s such a relief,” he says, closing his eyes and sighing into your palm. “I’ve been making spreadsheets of things I’ve wanted to try for several days and wondering how best to bring it up, especially considering—well. It’s quite helpful that you did so yourself. Excellent work, consultant.”

Fuck. FUCK. Consultant, he calls her. It really is still an experiment to him at this point. And the first time I thought it was just a cute tease, a bit of funny flirting, but it WASN'T. FUCK. Sam is a genius. I hate myself. He's focused on the spreadsheets and things he's been wanting to try for his touch aversion. He's giddy because of that, not because he's getting into an official relationship with her. (I still think he's in love with her and maybe just doesn't realize it fully, but holy God his words are actually focused on the experiment here.) What would he have said after "especially considering" if he hadn't cut himself off??? FUCK.

[Vi talking] "We’re partners, now, so we have to take care of each other."

Partners. Still worded to fit with the experiment mindset, so of course that wouldn't tip off Donnie. Fuck.

[Donnie talking] “I’d… like to keep this between the two of us as well, for now. To the confines of the lab. While we establish the parameters.” ... “I have no interest in keeping anything a secret. I only want to improve the quality of our partnership's results before sharing, nothing more."

Again, it's not named as a romantic relationship. He just calls it 'this' and a 'partnership' when he talks about their arrangement. (The clinical talk... 'improve quality of results before sharing.' Fuck. FUCK.)

Rereading the sexy stuff is fucking PAINFUL now. Oh my god.

“Don’t move,” he growls, making you freeze in place even as his brows furrow hard and his grip loosens almost immediately. “I—Sorry. Sorry, I—I don’t know where that came from.”

Stuff like this has me wondering again if he really doesn't understand what he's feeling with Vi. And that lack of understanding is reinforcing his focus on it being an Experiment, because he wants to understand how he's responding and why, to understand what he's feeling, and to do that he needs to gather and study data.

Donnie goes stiff when April calls and asks if Vi is with Leo. That's not the first time Donnie does something that indicates jealousy or possessiveness over Vi, but what if it's something else? It's only with Leo that I can remember, but I thought that was because Leo is the only one constantly hanging out with/touching/complimenting Vi, but what if it's something else regarding Leo? I really do not know what else it could be, but... I'm trying not to assume things anymore that aren't confirmed through dialog.

you sigh, turning your face into the pillow and inhaling deeply. It smells like Donnie, making your toes curl in delight. Pulling away, you look over to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, studying you. “…What are you doing?”

Yeah if they're not in a relationship it makes sense for him to react like that. (I'm so goddamn sad)

“You… promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind about this, right?”

“About… us?” you ask, and when he nods, you sit up, pressing your forehead to his. “Donnie, I—”

“—Promise?” he interrupts, making your mouth close.

“…Promise,” you tell him. And, since it’s clearly so important to him, “You promise? You’ll tell me?”

“I won’t change my mind,” he assures, making you shake your head. He sighs. “Yes. I promise.”

Hits different. God. I need to be in this fucker's head. I need his exact reasoning for thinking he won't change his mind. Is it curiosity regarding the outcome? Is it because he really likes her (and recognizes that)? I don't know!!

D - Just informing you that the nap did indeed take place.

V - i’m so glad!! thanks for letting me know

D - It would be a poor business exchange if I didn’t.

BUSINESS EXCHANGE. FUCK. I'M GOING TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC.

---

[Through tears] Chapter 12

Vi is so happy. So happy that she's helping Donnie with touch, Leo with sleep, Mikey with his hands (useful, useful, useful). So happy to be in a "relationship" with Donnie. She is so happy, and I am so, so sad.

Sinclair (I think it's Sinclair, Vi doesn't know/remember her name yet and I'm just a terrible with my memory) refers to a Ren. Renet, maybe?? 👀

You leave a little bit earlier than you usually do since you’re meeting Leo for lunch

YES there's a little bit of that positive influence on Vi bc of the boys! Leave practice early baby!!

Drinking with your neighbors, a boyfriend, lunch with your best friend… It feels like you’re cheating, a little. Like you’ve gotten something you don’t completely deserve.

[Clutching heart] that's a one-two punch. Vi calling Donnie her boyfriend in her head, and then Vi feeling like she didn't EARN the happiness she's feeling. OUCH.

Oh FUCK. The whole interaction with Leo in the kitchen. So many things. Leo's reaction to you confirming that you touch Donnie and that Donnie touches you. Vi doing that thing again where she digs her nails into her skin. Comparing Leo to a wolf and Vi to a rabbit (stop it blurple villain au, STOP IT, I'm trying to focus). I'm not gonna copy paste the entire section, but Leo's reaction is SO.... hang on

“Him wanting to put his hands all over you? Wanting to touch you? Mark you up? How far have you two gone, huh? Should I just pick a place on you and see if he’s touched that, too? Or is that another thing I’m not allowed to know?” ... “Why are you the one he—” Leo snarls

Is he really just that angry and bitter because Donnie hasn't let his family touch him in so long? Because Donnie hasn't let LEO touch him in so long? Because, relatively quickly, Vi has managed to push past that barrier when Leo couldn't? Or is he mad because it's intimate touches, specifically? Why exactly? Because Leo likes Vi? I don't think that's it, but again I'm trying not to assume or overlook things. Leo was playing matchmaker with them so hard toward the beginning, and now he reacts like this? What did he think was going to happen? Do you remember him asking Vi if she was single and saying she and Donnie were perfect for each other? Because I do. Did he want them together but assumed they wouldn't be touching no matter what since that's been Donnie's default mode for so long? I'm so dense I do not understand. LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. LEOOOOOOO.

Your back hits the wall behind you hard as you flinch away instinctively. ... Your arms have covered your face, your whole body quaking as you fight to make yourself as small as possible. ... when you don’t move, when you can’t speak ... taking in your terrified posture ... You close your eyes, feeling the tears continue to stream down your cheeks. Clenching your teeth, swallowing the adrenaline rushing in your veins screaming for you to stay still and not move ... He’s safe! you scream to yourself, trying to remember that it’s gospel. He’s safe! He’s safe! He’s safe! ... Sobs tear out of your lungs in massive heaving rolls that leave you shaking against him.

Is Vi's visceral reaction of fear ONLY due to Leo being Just That Scary? Or has she experienced physical violence from someone close to her before? She can stand her ground against asshole strangers that actually try to hurt her (for example, the guy from the coffee shop and guy in the park - or wherever it was, I don't remember and I'm not there yet, but it was when she fell in the water sticking up for Raph), chase after mutant silverfish with a music stand, react quickly to protect the kids when shots are fired, run to Dakota after the bomb goes off, etc. etc. And those were Real Dangerous Situations, too. The difference here is it's Leo. Her best friend. Someone she's close to, someone she trusts. When it's a person like that, she freezes in fucking terror... and remember the other times she's tried to step in when someone close to her starts getting angry? To soothe, to deescalate...

He’s safe. He’s your best friend. He’s family. He’s Leo, and the fact that even a tiny piece of you was afraid of him—it horrifies you. ... “I-I’m sorry, too. I-I didn’t mean to—I don’t know why I—I know you’d n-never—” “Instinct,” he cuts off clinically. Hollowly. “You were scared. I scared you.”

I think I'm looking too hard at this maybe. She's horrified that she was scared, and she says "I don't know why" she reacted like that, and if she'd experienced violence with someone close to her in the past surely she would've thought something about it, connected those dots in her mind at that point? I don't know. I suppose we'll have to wait and see what Sam reveals, if anything. Like I said, maybe I'm reading too much into this.

“…Donnie and I are dating,” you tell Leo, feeling him go rigid against you when you tell the secret that feels so stupid to keep if it means losing him. “I… I asked him out yesterday, and he said yes. But he wants to keep it quiet for a while, while we figure everything out, so…”

Pain. Pain and agony and suffering. She says this to Leo in no uncertain terms about what she means, whereas with Donnie it could have been taken a different way and apparently WAS. Fuck.

“He… he talked about missing hugs?” Leo echoes, sounding a little broken.

This Whole Thing hurts just as much the second time around. Ouch. Owie.

"I have no idea what’s safe to talk about with you people, so I just assume everything’s off limits until I hear otherwise!”

Again, she's so careful to respect boundaries.

[Leo] He tilts his head when you come inside, grinning at you and patting the ground between his legs as he spreads them and wiggles his feet like he thinks he’s adorable.

BECAUSE HE IS ADORABLE. DAMMIT. THIS IS A DONNIE FIC. I AM A DONNIE GIRL. STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH LEO AS WELL. (/pos of course, ALL of this is positive, I promise)

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m just a little meow meow.”

FUUUUUCK I LOVE LEO SO MUCH STOPPPPPPPPPPPP

“…Don’t tell him,” Leo pleads quietly, making you pause where you were reaching out to grab your laptop. “Tell who what?” “Donnie. That I know. …Don’t tell him.”

Do you think Leo remembers saying this and feels guilty now? Do you think he wonders if you had been given the green light to tell Donnie that Leo knows you two are "dating" that maybe the whole miscommunication thing wouldn't have spiraled and gone on as long?

“Just kidding. You’re so gullible,” [Donnie says]

Just. Just putting this here. For the record. For future reference.

“…Does Leo do this to you?” he whispers, entranced. “…Does he make you have goosebumps, too?” His thumb finds the edge of your nipple through your bra and shirt,

God. Hits different. He's actually fucking yearning here isn't he. Yearning for her and not even realizing he has her?? Again, does he think this is something friends just do? Was he wondering if Leo touches you intimately, as well??

(The kissing is so fucking hot. A wordsmith as always, Jesus CHRIST, Sam. But also reading it with the constant voice in the back of my head saying "he doesn't see them as dating" over and over and over IS SO. I don't have a word for it but it's killing me.)

[Donnie, after you stop kissing] “Sorry. I suppose I did, uh. Get a little over-eager there.”

the silent promise you made to one turtle versus the explicit one you made to another and how they stand at odds with the other.

^So many lines now are hitting me differently. God.

[Donnie talking about Leo sleeping on Vi and therefore making her smell like Leo] “I really don’t—I’m starting think he does it on purpose to irritate me, specifically.”

So if Donnie doesn't see them as together, doesn't see Vi as his... what does he mean here? Does he recognize that he feels possessive but doesn't fully understand why? Or does he really just not like the way Leo smells???

Donnie talking about how he smells that she's aroused, admitting that he is aroused... taking about it so matter-of-factly. He's separating romantic and sexual feelings so completely in a way that Vi doesn't, in a way that the reader wouldn't. (Is that the whole point that I'm missing here? That he DOES separate sexual and romantic relationships so CLEARLY in his mind? And that's why he can yearn for her, think he doesn't have her even while they're fucking and spending so much time together and doing things that couples DO?)

Donnie referring to the Third Law as the reason that he gets to learn how to make her feel good... almost like that's his sole reason or like that's his excuse for doing so...

“…I’m not particularly interested in my brothers smelling you like this,” he mutters

Because it would cause a stir? Because he wants the experiment to continue without outside influence? Because he simply doesn't want them to know his business? Because he knows she would be embarrassed? LET ME IN YOUR HEAD. YOU AND LEO BOTH ARE KILLING ME.

---

Chapter 13

Goddammit I lost my notes for this chapter and had to try and remember what I had already written TWICE because I'm a mobile user who is also an idiot. Anyway.

The beginning of my notes for this chapter was mostly me gushing about how much it made me smile. It's the one where Vi gets sick and goes to the store to get cat food for the neighbor. (Basically - I love Vi, I love the boys, I love the group chat.)

When the neighbor gets mutated, Vi pushes Leo out of the way so that she is the one pounced on instead of Leo. There was no real danger, but she didn't know that when she reacted. It kills me that in her delirious, can barely think straight, actually thinks she's hallucinating state, her instinct is to take the hit for Leo. (Better me than you, you're more important, I can be useful, I'm useful, useful, use me use me use me FUCK)

So many lines hit different with Donnie... she's sick and going to sleep in his room, and them interacting alone here (with my knowledge of chapter 20) makes my chest ache.

She says she missed him -> For some reason, he laughs a little at that. “Is that so? What prompted the thought?”

Her shirt is all sweaty and he tells her to just take it off, but then -> “I’m curious to see if my body temperature will help with your fever.”

They're in his bed, lying together, and she kisses him -> “D-Don’t do that here,” he stutters, sounding a little like it’s a significant effort to tell you. “I don’t want to start something we aren’t—aren’t planning on—”

A little later -> “…I want to…” he trails off in a breathless tone, pressing into your throat a little harder than usual. ... “Wanna what?” you ask, prompting him to shake his head. “It’s nothing. Get some rest. I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”

I'm in so much fucking pain.

Vi goes to the library for books on PTSD to help the fam. She spends time reading and taking notes and just. God. She's such a good friend. (Use me. I need to earn this love. I need to be good and useful.)

Leo has his insomnia. (He has something else, you know, you just know, but until he decides to do his little secret-spilling venture he told you you were due, you’re in the dark on that.)

Is this something we might find out about during their talk on Saturday??? I hope so.

You don’t know anything about Raph, you mourn, underlining his name twice on your notepad in a bit of self-loathing. So much for him being family, you think sourly.

It's hardly her fault, but again she's putting it on herself.

At the end of the chapter, she wakes up to realize that Leo saw the evidence of her reading those books and taking notes and working to make herself more helpful (USEFUL) in her free time. He knows how hard she's trying to help. So you think he feels guilty over that, too, now? Again, all she does is give give give, and even when she does allow herself to take she feels that need to earn it, that need to be worthy of it.

---

Chapter 14

DAKOTA APPEARS. LIGHT OF MY LIFE. DARLING GIRL YOU DESERVE THE WORLD I LOVE YOU.

Yeah there it is! The confrontation with the guy in the park. Raph is so right to be worried because she IS going to get hurt if she keeps this up.

[Raph talking] "you can’t be stupid like that,” he says, making you flinch. 

Time for me to Read Too Much Into Things again. I've noticed, even before chapter 20 when it gets really really bad, she often refers to herself as stupid or uses stupid as an adjective when describing what she's doing. Her flinching when Raph uses that word specifically has me wondering if that word was used against her a lot in the past (by Alopex maybe?) or if she's always had A Thing about thinking she's stupid.

Raph gives you a small crooked smile. “Well, it sure made him mad thinkin’ you was my girl. So maybe you should just start datin’ a mutant real open-like.” 

You give a wet laugh, rubbing at your eyes hard. If only he knew. “Yeah. That… That sounds like something I’d like.” 

Hey what's up I'm CRYING

(Also, once again, every time Vi refers to Donnie as her boyfriend in her head, I suffer)

[Leo talking about Vi having no self-preservation instincts] “Oh yeah? Looks to me like you wouldn’t know fear if it—” he starts, only for his jaw to clamp shut and a stricken look to cross his face.

I know this is him remembering when he scared Vi in her kitchen, but JUST IN CASE their talk on Saturday reveals anything I'm keeping this here for my own future reference.

Not helping the desire is that he’s wearing those fucking sweatpants again. If he were any kind of perceptive, you’d wonder if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing when he put those things on his ass

First of all, SWEATPANTELLO SJSJZBAKXH. Second of all, "if he were any kind of perceptive" has me eating through the drywall.

Oh my god. When Donnie brings up what happened in the park, he just says he made her a new phone and then "There was mud all over the processing board, which, speaking of, I hope you weren’t injured?” I'm getting a little bit of whiplash here. He was so angry over the bruise she got, but with this his reaction is less intense. And I'm remembering after one of the attacks with Dakota that his reaction wasn't as intense as I expected, either. But then with the guy on their aquarium "date" the reaction was WAY more intense. Hm. I almost need to look at those instances side by side once more after I catch up to 20 on this reread.

Also idk why this popped into my head just now, but I'm wondering if something happened between Leo and Donnie in the past. Something more than just the fact that Donnie doesn't let Leo (or the rest of the fam) touch him. There are so many times where Leo like... gives Donnie a blank/weird look or reacts a certain way when Vi talks about Donnie or even riles Donnie up by making Vi smell like him, making little comments about her being pretty or him being her favorite or whatever... a bunch of things that COULD just be Leo being a little shit but could also be something more (something like Leo liking Vi, sure, but I really don't think so??? More and more I wonder if it could be something that's related to an incident in the past between the twins??). God I cannot WAIT for Leo and Vi to talk on Saturday.

Vi says she doesn't talk to her family anymore because they're so anti-mutant and they had a huge falling out. I'm still wondering if there was some kind of abuse she suffered from her family, as well, even if she doesn't recognize it as having been abuse. (Racist family members being cruel to you hits close to home, I'm almost certainly projecting.)

“A mutant? You?” Donnie gapes, looking shocked. “You dated a mutant?” 

You bark out an incredulous laugh. “How are you surprised by this?” 

YEP. SAM IS RIGHT. HITS FUCKING DIFFERENT. GOD.

You haven’t thought about Alopex in years; it’s odd, now, how you finally feel able to do so without pain.

Ooooh boy. I CANNOT WAIT to find out more about the past relationship with Alopex. And if I recall correctly Sam has said Alopex will make an appearance and I am SO EXCITED.

[Vi talking] "I have a family again, and I have you. That’s all I need.” 

Donnie frowns, but whatever machinations are in his head are tabled when instead he just sighs

She makes that distinction here between the fam and Donnie. Specifically says "I have you" and he frowns. During my first read I thought he was frowning at the whole estranged family/Alopex breakup thing. Now I'm wondering what he thought about that comment "I have you."

Engage alarm 16-44-SD - I wonder what the significance of the numbers and letters are. Do you think we'll find out?

[Vi asks Donnie to cuddle and they're getting situated on the cot] “What are your goals for this evening?” he asks, using his hand to glide along your jaw, cupping your nape to turn your face to his. 

“With you?” you ask to clarify, and when he nods, you hum. “Don’t really have any. Just want to feel good with you.” 

Donnie studies you for a moment

Fuck. FUCK. "What are your goals" I'm pacing like a madman. WHAT IS HE THINKING WHEN HE STUDIES HER AFTER HER RESPONSE. FUCK.

“…Actually, I changed my mind. I wanna kiss you again.” 

Donnie’s smirk is a little lazy. “That was quick. I was expecting to have to work on you a bit longer for that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m easy for you. Sue me,” you tell him ... “That you are,” he agrees ... “…Want to feel good,” he murmurs against your mouth, repeating your request of him like he’s contemplating it, still. When you nod, he dips down, his second kiss a bit more

This Whole fucking interaction. My heart is shredded. Him thinking about her saying she wants to feel good, taking that as her saying the 'goal' of today's 'session' is that and then having her come using his thigh so they can achieve that 'session goal' and collect data.

[Asking if she's sure he has to touch somewhere first before she'll touch him there] “Though I suppose it’s fine. Just more data. And I’m hardly opposed to making you feel good first.”

JUST MORE DATA he says

[Donnie tells you to take off the clothes Leo lent you] Vi - “Donnie, I’m not wearing anything under this.” 

“…Okay?” he says, looking at you like he doesn’t understand the problem.

This is SO. I JUST. FUCK. Sex and nude intimacy is all part of the project. Why WOULD it be a big deal? They agreed that the experiment would include kissing, petting, sex, etc. There's no feelings involved, it's just necessary for the session, for the data. I'm Unwell.

(The sexy stuff is, once again, SO HOT but SO PAINFUL to read)

[After she comes using his thigh] “Oh, yeah. I’m gonna remember that for a long, long time. Until you one up yourself, of course.” 

“A good scientist is always seeking to extract better results from his subject matter,” Donnie agrees. 

SUBJECT MATTER. I'M LAYING DOWN ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. AND THEN IN HER MIND SHE REFERS TO HIM ONCE AGAIN AS HER BOYFRIEND. WHERE IS THAT GODDAMN TRAIN. I'M WAITING.

I wonder if Sam was writing this and smirking evilly the entire fucking time. Evil. EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL E-

---

Chapter 15

SINCLAIR'S NAME IS JUNE. FUCK I FORGOT LMAO I'm just as bad as Vi

Vi making cookies again for the 4th of July party. Then in the shower, talking to Leo about it.

“I was thinking I’d make enough cookies for you guys to have left over, since I know you like ‘em a lot. Plus I feel like I kind of owe Raph for the whole, uh, making him fish me out of the pond thing.” 

Leo doesn’t answer, you think, though you might have missed it as you duck your head under the water to get rid of the shampoo.

I was so distracted by blurple symphony au thoughts the first time I read this, but now I'm just thinking about how she worded that.

“I was thinking I’d bring him [Raph] by some bread later, too. I know we kind of worked it all out, but I’d feel better if I really had a good apology. He was pretty upset. And Donnie, too. I need to make him something. Not that he, uh, did anything. But the thought was there, I guess."

Once again, she feels the need to DO something for others. As an apology, as appreciation. Thoughtful to the point of making me worry.

(Also, I wonder if the talk with Leo on Saturday will shed light on what he was doing/thinking here while she was showering)

“Glad to be of service,” you laugh

YEAH. YOU ALWAYS ARE.

[Vi says she'll try to get Donnie to come to the party] Casey stares at you with eyes that see a little too far into your soul for your liking, but then he pulls them back and laughs like he didn’t just sear your bones. “Well, if anyone could, I bet it’d be you.”

:) pain

“He’s got me on security protocol 27-L-Alpha, but family’s allowed through on that one, so you can go ahead in,” Shelldon says

Again, I wonder about the significance of the numbers and letters. Also, FAMILY IS ALLOWED THROUGH. So Donnie sees her as family? I need to be inside his head.

She gets him to go to the party and he says she'll owe him. Is that the only reason he agrees? Because then she owes him something? Is he just hungry? Is he soft for her without realizing?

When the yokai is flirting with Vi at the party, WHAT is Donnie thinking? I must know. Vi looks at Donnie and thinks that he's 'too traumatized, probably by those fucking brain aliens, to fish you out.' If Donnie thought they were dating, would he have stepped in?

Leo hooks his head onto your shoulder, nuzzling his beak into your throat and humming like he does when it’s just the two of you. ... his fingers fluttering on your stomach as his eyes cut off to the side. He has a sharp look to his features that you’re a bit too drunk to dissect, so you just ignore it. 

I'm squinting so hard at this. This is at the party in front of everyone, but it's GOTTA be another attempt at riling Donnie up, right? UGH

(GOD. DONNIE PULLING YOU INTO HIS ROOM. STICKING HIS FINGERS INTO YOUR MOUTH. GOD. FUCK. JESUS HOLY HELL I'M ON FIRE.)

“Gonna kill him,” Donnie growls against your skin

Is he talking about Leo? WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH, HUH DONNIE? Seriously, did something fucking happen between him and Leo in the past that's related to all this? Or is this just Donnie being jealous and possessive over Vi despite them just being "partners" for the project??

He grabs your chin, holding your face to his, and you open your damp eyes to see that he’s staring at you, cataloging your every move. 

Data collection. I know I'm repeating myself here, but this is so so painful to read.

Pulling away, Donnie groans, his forehead finding your shoulder. “Fuck. I can’t believe I did that. I’m sorry,” he says, causing you to laugh. You sink your fingers into his nape, stroking long lines against worried flesh. 

“How are you apologizing right now? That was incredible,” you promise. 

“It—It was outside the bounds of our agreement. We both stated that my lab was the only place where we’d—” he starts

:( that's all I can say. Just. :(

"I’m going to go to my lab and make sure this obnoxious music didn’t ruin anything.” 

OH MY GOD. THE RECORDINGS. HIM GOING TO THE LAB TO REVIEW THE DATA FOR THE PROJECT. HOW DID I COMPLETELY SKIP OVER THIS LINE THE FIRST TIME.

Vi asks for one last kiss and then -> “…You’re getting good at that,” you murmur against his mouth when he pulls away, opening your eyes to see him staring at you with lustrous eyes. 

“Third Law,” he says

Third Law. Something I want (your help with this project) for something you want (to feel good). Fuck. FUCK.

You turn your head, seeing that he has something to say on the tip of his tongue, but he shakes it off, looking off to the side. 

“…Text me when you get home,” he says instead, making you smile and nod. 

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY. WILL WE EVER FIND OUT? I'M FERAL.

Vi tells Mikey she and Donnie are dating. Once again it's explicit when she tells others but not when she's with Donnie. Kill me. Kill me.

Again, Vi worrying so much about the boys. Wishing she could help more. Sigh.

“…Yeah. Pretty,” he [Leo] agrees, voice quiet. ... you feel a beak nuzzle gently into your hair, inhaling softly to find your scent, before he goes carefully, painfully still; and just before you finally drift off to sleep on his shoulder, you imagine, you think, the sound of creaking wood beneath a tight, gripping fist. 

Once again the first time I read this as Leo maybe liking Vi or being upset that Donnie touches her when he hasn't been able to touch his brother in so long, but... Does Leo... does Leo know that Donnie doesn't see their partnership as romantic? Does he KNOW?? Is he letting this go on because it's helping Donnie and he wants his brother to get better???? HANG ON. HANG ON. IT BETTER NOT BE. IT BETTER FUCKING NOT. PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG. Is this Leo realizing that the partnership has become sexual and that this is so much worse for Vi than he thought? MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST. (I'm wrong. I have to be wrong. I have to be reading too much into it, right? Please tell me I'm wrong I'm on the verge of tears.)

---

Chapter 16

Sinclair recovers quickly, waving her hand. “Yo. Introduce us to the cutie?” 

“C-Cutie?” Raph repeats, flustering quickly.

Sinclair (June?) has a girlfriend I know but this little interaction makes me wish Raph could get someone, you know? I wish all the boys could get someone (if they want someone, that is). I want them all to be happy so badly :(

Also Sinclair's girlfriend is a mutant. Are we gonna meet her?

You dig your nails into your biceps hard. 

I worry. I fucking WORRY.

First mention of Scheherazade - oh my god. Forever sobbing.

Leo hasn't texted you today.

DOES HE FEEL GUILTY?

Sinclair calling Vi her friend :') getting her number :') I love her

Vi is so anxious over the thought of Leo being upset with her. And then there's a line when she goes to the lair to see him - hoping you’re not being too overbearing - that has me once again wondering if she had past experiences where someone got upset and reacted badly and blamed her, or maybe if she just internalized the bad reaction as her fault and now she's always scrambling to soothe and fix? Thinking of how toxic relationships can have that affect on people, you know?

He isn’t Alopex, you remind yourself. It’s cruel to impose upon him the damaged expectations from the last relationship you’d had. Cruel to yourself, seeing darkness where there isn’t any to be found. You’re letting old insecurities seep in, you think, feeling your eyes burn a little.

Yeah, this. I wonder if we'll find out about the exact details of everything that happened? I think we will, and I'm excited.

[Leo talking] “I’ve just been… tired. Thinking about things. About what I want.” 

Tilting your head, you ask. “…What you want?” 

Leo nods, bringing your hand to his mouth to brush a kiss to your knuckles, staring at them as he brings your hand to his lap. “I’m. I’m still thinking about it. If I promise to tell you, can you give me time?” 

If I'm right. And I pray that I'm wrong. But. If I'm right. He's thinking about what's more important to him, about what he wants more - truly being a good friend to you vs. using you to help Donnie with his touch thing even though he knows what's really going on, even though he knows you think something else is happening when it's not. (If I'm right... he's using her. He's using her, after seeing how lonely she was, how willing she is to help, how desperate she is to be useful, manipulating that, taking advantage of that. Please God let me be wrong.)

Upstairs, you find Donnie sitting in front of his wall of computer screens, each plastered with an ocean of diagrams and spreadsheets. Deep in thought ... “Oh, good. I was just thinking about you,” he says

He's looking at the spreadsheets for the project. Of course he'd be thinking of her. Sobbing. Screaming. I hate myself.

[Donnie smells Leo on Vi] "Really pisses me off,” he grumbles

Again, why does it make him mad that Vi smells like Leo?

“Hm. I promised you a lesson on my anatomy. Considering I explored your genitalia, unintentional though the moment was, that does, as per our arrangement, clear you to touch mine.”

Arrangement. ARRANGEMENT. And the clinical discussion, of course. Naturally. No feelings, just a project, all part of the experiment.

“Experiential learning. Excellent. I knew you were the one.” 

The one. The one to choose as his partner on the project. Goddammit.

(God. The smut. It's so hot. I'm swimming in lava.)

“All right. Take off your pants and lie down. My turn.” 

Startled, you just blink at him for a moment. “W-What?” 

“Third Law. And I want to taste you. See if it’s different from mine. I’m very curious about the tactile nature, since it was quite pleasant on my fingers. Plus, you didn’t come. I’m not a barbarian. Now, chop chop.” 

Third Law. You did this so now I do that. It's a transaction. And he's curious about the taste and feel compared to his own. Data data data.

“…Very, very pleasant,” he murmurs to himself more than to you, 

Data. Notes. For his own future reference. Fuck.

“Only the best for my favorite turtle,” you promise, laughing and pulling away, spinning in place with your arms spread wide. “Now. Shall we work on the Turtolin while waiting for the smell of sex to dissipate? I’d rather not scar poor Leo if I can help it.”

Donnie looks like he’s contemplating something hard, but he pushes it away and nods. 

What is he thinking here? Does it have anything to do with Leo? Or the favorite turtle line?? UGH

[Vi sends Donnie a pic of her in the bath with the bath bomb he gave her and he calls] “Good girl,” he says easily, making your skin burn hot. “Now, I’m going to put you on speaker and listen as you make yourself come.”

Jaw dropping, you stutter, “R-Right now?”

Donnie hums. “Then send me another. One before. One after.”

You hear the soft click of him putting his phone down, and the familiar sound of him fiddling with his tech. ... “I’m waiting,” you hear him say.

This is SO PAINFUL now. FUCK.

---

Chapter 17

(My notes after this point include knowledge of chapter 22 aka the chapter that made me physically ill)

You find him [Donnie], as you expect, pouring over some spreadsheets. 

The spreadsheets again :(

[Vi talking to Raph and Mikey about Donnie] "You wouldn’t expect it. But he’s—he’s so kind. Always thinking about how he can help others, always looking to make their lives easier. It’s—It’s really admirable. I respect him a lot.”

Vi you're literally describing yourself.

“You had a problem. I solved it,” he says, like it’s that simple. And you suppose, in a way, it is. He just… doesn’t see it as his love language, even though it so, so clearly is. 

I feel like this is a nod towards Donnie actually being in love with Vi but not realizing it.

So. Leo shows up during turtle time.

“Actually, perfect timing,” Leo says, coming up to you and pulling you into a hug. “I have a present for you.” ... “Yep. C’mon, I’ll portal you back to your place so I can give it to you,” he says, making you look at Donnie, concerned he’s about to crack a tooth.

Even though we know he's not doing these things to be manipulative anymore (assuming we can actually trust that he was being honest about when he 'stopped completely'), it's still tainted, especially since it's in front of Donnie. The casual physical touches, calling her "hermosa." Not only am I reading this and feeling so fucking betrayed, but I'm ALSO sad because he's started feeling guilty and really truly seeing her as his best friend now (if, again, we believe his claims in 22), and the torment he must be going through, despite it being so, so deserved, makes me sad. Actually, sad isn't the right word for it, but the right word escapes me. Whatever it is that I'm feeling about this is gaping and tender and intense.

“The truth,” he says, taking the picture from you and putting it on the coffee table. “About us. About everything.” 

Not about everything, Leo. Not yet. (I think the word I'm looking for is agony. I'm not just sad. I'm in agony.)

[Vi talking to Leo] "So I just tucked it into one of those Leo will explain this someday pile.”

He stares at you for a second, then gets a melancholic smile on his face. “Yeah. That pile’s probably a lot bigger than it should be. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I told you before. It’s okay if you’re not ready to spill your guts,” you remind him. 

“That was true then. But now, you’re—” he stops himself, looking at you hard, his eyes unmoored on your face. “…It’s different. Now.” 

OOF. FUCKING. FUCK.

[Leo talking about the invasion] "Then one day, I—I fucked up really bad. I didn’t even know how bad, but I—” His voice chokes, grip on you going tight. He looks at you, eyes a little wild, and you nod. 

THIS IS A PARALLEL TO HIM FUCKING UP WITH VI. NOT EVEN KNOWING HOW BAD HE FUCKED UP UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.

And every time Vi responds so fucking kindly to something Leo says or does... at this point he's truly wracked with guilt. Every kind thing she does is another reminder of how badly he fucked up, another twist of the knife that he unknowingly lodged between his own ribs. For example: Leo stares, soaking you up like you’re water and he’s cracked earth; then, taking in a haggard breath, he continues.

And then Leo asks Vi to help Casey like she helped him and his brothers. And even here, when he's being genuine, that ask is tainted, tainted, tainted by his history of using her for his own desires.

“Thanks,” he says, true and honest in a manner that oh, this entire time, you haven’t really seen. 

God. GOD.

Vi asking Donnie about the aquarium... she doesn't use the word date. I wonder, if she did, would he have locked

There are going to be a lot of moments like that in your near future, you’re guessing, taking a long sip of water and staring at your reflection in the blank screen of the television. Little pieces you’ve seen, little hints of darkness you’re going to understand now.

Vi is referring to the fact that she knows about Casey being from the future and stuff, but this is mirroring what I'm doing. Finding little hints of darkness in Leo on my reread. God. Kill me.

---

Chapter 18

Vi gushing about Donnie to Sinclair :( and this line specifically -> "He just… gives and gives and gives.” THAT'S YOU, VI. YOU'RE SO ALIKE.

"He’s—brutally honest, but in a way that makes it impossible to doubt any compliment he gives."

Meanwhile LEO-

(I can barely focus. My heart aches so much. I keep having to reread the same paragraph over and over because I keep thinking about Leo. I really do feel so goddamn betrayed. How can Vi go on? How is she going to fucking... I've said it already but if it were me I would spiral really really bad. I was already worried about her before chapter 22. And now... I don't think Sam would do what I'm thinking of because surely there would be tags indicating that already due to their triggering nature, but I just know if it were me... I won't say it.)

Do you think, now that Donnie knows about the miscommunication, he'll go back and review their texts and his recordings to search for hints that he might've missed? Do you think he'll find something and think 'stupid, stupid, you should've seen it then, it was right there all along' like Vi did when she first realized?

I'm realizing, once again, how often Vi uses the adjective "stupid" to describe so many of her thoughts and actions. And I'm wondering, once again, how far back that habit runs. Whether it's always been there or if it started when she was with Alopex.

Oh man... when Vi gets ready for the aquarium... no. She doesn't think "I look nice" or anything. When she sees Donnie, she tells him he looks nice. Like a model, even. And he doesn't say anything about how she looks. I remember being a bit disappointed the first time I read and just assuming that he was too embarrassed or shy or something to comment on how she looked, but no. I'm a fool.

The alligators are so fucking cute, which he finds absolutely absurd. 

“I like their faces, I dunno,” you say with a shrug. “Look at those little snouts! Don’t you just wanna… smooch one?” 

“No, I can definitely say that I do not,” Donnie drones. “And I’m pretty concerned that you do.” 

“I mean, soft shelled turtles are pretty aggressive biters too, right?” you point out, tilting your head and looking at him a little coyly. “Seems to me you don’t mind me kissing one of those all the time.” 

Huffing, Donnie turns his face with a flustered scowl. “Th-That’s different!”

Just putting this section here. Just pointing out how he responds. I'm just casually in agony, right now.

[Vi talking after Donnie asks for permission to kiss her outside of the lab] "Okay. Well. Consider this my blank check of consent to any and all kissing. Inside the lab, outside of it, no matter how many people are around.”

“Hm. Well. Too many people will probably ruin the results. But I’ll take it under consideration,” he says. 

Another comment that I saw as referring to the experiment, yes, but that I also thought was him flirting. Me putting meaning into his words that isn't there. Fuck.

his mouth claiming you like you aren’t already all his

Because she's not. She not his. Kill me.

When they run into the old standmate, Donnie gets so fucking mad that the guy insulted Vi. Another thing that I interpreted as romantic that wasn't.

“I’m—not particularly sure how to do this [have sex] with our current arrangement,” he says breathlessly

Damn. Even the first time they have sex, he tried checking in, tried to honor the rule she set, referred to it as their "arrangement" and everything... he truly did nothing wrong. What a massive misunderstanding. This continues to blow my mind. Damn.

She calls him cute once again, and he doesn't say anything like that back.

(The sex is so FUCKING HOT GOOD GOD)

He asks her to stay. And she does. And she's realizing she's in love with him. And I'm so, so sad.

---

Chapter 19

[Vi talking to Casey about Leo] "He’s a really good friend. I feel lucky to know him,” you tell him

Every single line where Leo is referred to as her friend has the rage flaring in my chest again.

Oh my god. I've been interested in how the brothers are going to react if/when they find out what Leo admitted (especially Donnie, obviously), but... what is CASEY going to think? He admires Leo so much. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.

man hadn’t that morning sex the other day been something else? Let’s try it again and see if we can replicate it. So your Wednesday is even lazier than usual with just the one lesson after a long morning of Donnie seemingly testing just how well sound-proofed his lab is, or maybe how loud he can get you to whine his name when you come, you’re not really sure which.

Replicate. Test. Kill me kill me kill me

The first shot cracks through the air and makes your ears ring. Without thinking, you move. Your hands clutch Dakota’s shirt, throwing her off the stage to the pit where the gunman won’t have a clear view. A second shot goes off. Before she hits the floor, you’re moving, tackling the other three to the floor underneath you. A third shot.

Again, her instincts are to protect others first.

you see Raph pinning the guy to the floor, a look on his face like you’ve never seen before. 

Actually, you realize; no. You have seen it. Once. In your kitchen. From Leonardo to you. 

Rage.

FUCK. KILL ME.

(DAKOTA. MY FUCKING HEART. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK AND REREAD ALL THE DAKOTA PARTS AT SOME POINT WHEN WHATEVER SAM HAS PLANNED FOR HER HAPPENS/IS REVEALED.)

Even after almost being shot she wants to rehearse. Be productive. Sigh.

You’re a little surprised to feel that your hands feel jittery at the ends of your arms, a bit like you have too much energy inside still. Your hold on your bow is a little wonky, too.

WHAT YOU JUST EXPERIENCED WAS TRAUMATIZING. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED. WHY DO YOU NOT SEE- HOW ARE YOU SO- Sorry I'm just. So protective of her. So frustrated that she doesn't care about herself like she should. She's in shock, huh? I'm being too harsh. I'm just so fucking angry because of how GOOD she is to others and how Leo fucking USED that. I can't fucking take it.

She's shaken up after being shot at... on the subway, looking forward to going to the lair -> Gazing past your reflection in the subway window, you watch the lights flash past in little warm blurs, and seek comfort in the knowledge that soon you’ll be with people who love you.

People who love you. Like Leo and Donnie. Pain pain pain. And when she finds Leo sleeping in his room, her softness for him, her fondness and affection... It hurts. It hurts.

She finds Donnie in his lab. I remember thinking it was weird he didn't react more strongly to the fact that she was literally shot at. He just says “I heard you had a fun afternoon,” and that's it. Honestly it still surprises me. I feel like we have seen him be protective over her for lesser incidents... remember the bruise? Remember the standmate? Why, I wonder, did he not react more strongly here? Is it because she wasn't actually shot?

He eases the tension headache she didn't even realize she had. (Vi, once again not realizing how affected she was. This mirrors her not realizing she was sick before, too.)

Turning your head when he slowly releases you, you see an ocean of spreadsheets in front of you that instantly has you looking away in disinterest before you can read a single word. 

I hate myself so much. What would she have seen, what would she have realized, if she looked a little bit closer?

“…No, I just… smelled you,” Leo says blankly, looking between you and where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around you, and you think—oh. He’s known this whole time, of course, that Donnie touches you; but this is maybe the first time he’s seen it. “You’re… really touching her.”

“I was under the impression you knew about it,” Donnie says, dropping his chin on your shoulder and raising a brow ridge at his twin.

“…I did,” Leo agrees, though his face is still as stone. His eyes focus on where Donnie’s got his arms wrapped around your middle, and for some reason, the intensity of it makes you want to wiggle away and get out of Donnie’s grasp. ... Leo, eyes focused on where Donnie’s beak is tucked into your throat ... “I like it,” Leo says, staring at Donnie.

God. Leo. Still wrestling with his anger and jealousy, trying to be happy about it, but still struggling so much.

The Scheherazade story kind of mimics Leo and Vi. Scheherazade won the kings love over time, while Vi won Leo's true affection and friendship over time. Hm.

[Vi goes] to stand out of Donnie’s lap, only to turn to him and raise an eyebrow when he petulantly keeps you pinned to his plastron, his eyes dark and pouty on his twin. “…Donnie.” ... You bat your eyelashes cutely at Leo, who gets a smug look on his face as he stretches out a hand to the side. His crescents glow prettily, and with a curl of his fingers, he has a sword in his hand to cut a portal. “One ride on the turtle express for mi tesorito.” 

“Turtle ex—?!” Donnie chokes, his fingers going tight in your flesh, his teeth pulling into a snarl. It hurts a little, and you’re kind of mortified when the squeak you make is maybe a little more sensual than it probably should be. Feeling your cheeks flare hot, you press your palms to Donnie’s shoulders, giving him a meaningful look.

“I can come back tomorrow,” you say with gritted teeth, increasingly miffed when he just shoots a glum look to his twin.

Once again, even if Leo is being genuine, this is all tainted, and it fucking hurts to read every interaction they have, especially in front of Donnie. But I also noticed another layer here. Vi is trying to behave as though she and Donnie aren't dating because Leo is there and as far as Donnie is aware (in her mind) Leo knows they touch but doesn't know they're together. Meanwhile things that seem romantic to her are NOT romantic to Donnie, so he's being clingy and she is a little annoyed/confused, because she's thinking 'doesn't Donnie know this is suspicious??' But NO. HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. AT ALL.

“Fine, fine,” he [Donnie] says petulantly, removing his arms from your waist. 

“Good boy,” Leo says with a widening smirk, squawking when you reach out and flick his beak. 

“And you. I don’t know what your game is, but stop terrorizing him,” you tell him, watching as he rubs his palm over the offended flesh. 

“Me? Terrorizing Donatello?”

“Leonardo.”

This is after Leo supposedly 'stopped completely' and yet.

“He [Casey] has a lot of secrets he’s keeping,” Leo says, softening. “They’re a heavy load. I don’t know how he does it.”

Secrets can be a heavy load, huh Leo? You FUCKING-

Leo sighs, grabbing his katana and cutting another portal back to the lair. Before he leaves, however, he beckons you close. Reluctantly, feeling a bit embarrassed and hoping your lingering arousal isn’t too obvious, you go; only to blink when he reaches out a hand and grabs your chin, bringing your face close to his as his eyes drop to your mouth. 

“…Yep. Thought so. Doesn’t take much to get you going, huh,” he says knowingly

Get your fucking hands off of her and shut your goddamn mouth. I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry. I've never been this angry in my life. Yes he feels bad. Yes he's suffering now, yes he's going to get consequences that fucking hurt him. But I don't even fucking care right now because I'm so, so angry. What is everyone else going to say? Will Leo even tell them?? I don't know if Vi would tell the fam what Leo did, because she doesn't like causing conflict. But someone needs to tell them. God. What is Donnie going to do, knowing that she's already distraught because of their miscommunication?

Vi talking to Casey, getting him to open up about the future. Taking responsibility for helping him. Even though it's upsetting. Yes, that's what real, good friends do, but it's just another example of her giving, giving, giving. How deeply she cares, how sincerely she loves those in her life, how she would willingly burn herself up for the people she loves to keep them warm. And the fact that she's taking on this burden after LEO had asked her to...

(The lavender mask thing hurts just as much the second time. Ouch.)

[Casey talking] “Apparently, you always were able to get him to do things. I remember Master Leonardo making a comment about it once when he was trying to get Uncle Tello to do something. You’d do it for her, or something.”

You wince. That couldn’t have gone over well.

I can only imagine future Leo saying that with bitterness. Was there jealousy in the other timeline, too? It's easy to imagine since we know what Leo is capable of, now. Easy to imagine a future Leo, run down and exhausted and bearing so much responsibility for the resistance and guilt over the apocalypse, letting it all build and build and build, letting it get to him after Vi's death, even if he loved her too, even if he was grieving too, and being so angry over Donnie refusing to do something, and losing his cool. 'You'd do it for her. Why won't you do it for me?'

I wonder how Donnie would have reacted if Vi HAD told him about what happened with future them. About the lavender mask.

[Vi's bath water] It’s hot when you get in; too hot, maybe. But the burn feels a little good. Tethers you into place where otherwise you worry you’d drift away to a future that isn’t yours. 

See, again, this worries me. Using pain as a grounding technique, almost. This is pretty innocent, but it hints at the POTENTIAL for going further with this kind of stuff. I do nothing but seethe and worry.

---

Chapter 20

Finally made it all the way here. Sigh. Let's read.

you find yourself drifting off at random moments, haunted by memories that aren’t even yours ... for some reason, you spend most of Friday night sobbing into your pillow ... you spend the morning in your bed, curled around your pillow and staring numbly at the wall ... you’re avoiding Donnie

Vi takes the knowledge Casey gave her so hard. Evidence, once again, of how deeply she cares, how strongly she loves, but I can't help but remember that LEO asked her to help Casey. And she honestly probably would've ended up doing it anyway at some point, even if Leo didn't explicitly ask her to, because that's just how she is and Casey is part of the family and she wants to help... but I can't help pairing her emotional turmoil with the fact that LEO asked her to take that on.

“Donnie said you wasn’t feelin’ good, but you look like shit,” he says, causing you to shoot him a wry smile.

“Thanks, Raph. I feel so beautiful now.” 

Raph shoots you a meaningful look. “I think you ‘nd I both know I ain’t the one you wanna hear that from.” 

...

“Raph ain’t mad. I’ve been Donnie’s brother for a long, long time. I know he can be a dumb dumb, sometimes.”

Everyone (I think) sees that Donnie loves her EXCEPT Donnie. Raph says he saw Donnie grab Vi at the party... do you think, when Raph finds out about the miscommunication, he might realize that Donnie doesn't understand his feelings and try to help him figure it out?

💜🐢 (6:16 p.m.)

Raph said you looked unwell today. Do I need to send Leo over to bring you to the lair tonight?

A tempting offer that makes you bite your lower lip. You turn on the camera on your phone to check your face and see the bags under your eyes, the clear exhaustion, and something else that makes you just look… sad.

sent (6:17 p.m.)

no, but thank you for offering! it’s really sweet of you.

I'm begging you to accept some comfort. I'm begging. She so easily brushes him off so she can hide how she's feeling. Please, man, she needs to be loved.

[Vi talking] "Thanks, Casey. You’re the best, and I owe you.” 

“Nah. People always look after each other,” Casey says easily, and you suppose that coming from an apocalypse-torn world forces that outlook on you pretty bone-deep. 

She's right, but also... I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this. Something about her always feeling like she OWES people for the things they do for her. Like she has to earn their kindness, always pay it back, nothing comes for free, not for you... she doesn't have that mentality regarding anyone else. Like, she doesn't expect others to earn her kindness, she doesn't expect any kind of payback or anything when she does something kind or helpful - that mindset only applies when she's the one getting something. It has me wondering, again, about the details of her past. Alopex, yes, but also with her family. Was it pounded into her head that she isn't enough, that she isn't worthy of kindness and help unless she does something useful or tangible in return? Or is this, once again, me reading too much into things and possibly projecting?

Mikey, we’re your brothers. It would make sense for us to go.

It just occurred to me that Donnie uses italics in the group chat. You can't do that in regular text chains, right? Is this like a discord-type situation? Or is it because they're all using phones (most likely) made by Donnie and he somehow added that feature? (This is so not important, I know, I know, but I'm curious okay?)

Every single use of tesorito and hermosa stabs me directly in the heart.

“You look like shit,” you hear a familiar voice call, and you look up to see Leo sitting in a fire escape, legs hanging and his arms resting against the metal. Elegantly, he drops to the asphalt, walking up to you and taking your chin in his hands, tilting your face for his examination. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” you agree, causing him to grin. “Thanks for this, by the way. I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t ask for much. And even if you did, I like showing off for pretty girls,” he flairs. 

Fury. Even now, when he's supposedly being genuine with her, I'm so angry. He even says she doesn't ask for much. He knows how much she gives, how little she takes. How much she cares. The work she puts in for others. You know the (Did you try?) that Vi has in 21? I wonder... ever since he started to really think about 'what he wants' did he have similar thoughts? A constant (Is this worth it? Is this the person you want to be? Now that you see her heart, her soul, are you really okay with being this kind of person?) - or even, as we get further and further into the fic, something like (How could you? How could you? How could you?)

“Best friend ever,” you compliment

Does he feel guilty when she says stuff like this, now? (How could you?)

Oh I forgot that Vi told Leo what Casey revealed to her about the future. Again, does Leo feel guilty? Seeing that Vi was so affected by that knowledge? Knowing that he asked her to talk to Casey, so it's kind of because of him? "I haven’t felt right in days" she says.

"I hate secrets" [Vi says] ... “…Can I ask you something?” he says after a moment of studying your face. It’s a curiously serious expression ... “Why Donnie?” ... "You’re beautiful. Funny. Have a good job. Easy to like. You could have most anyone you want. Any mutant would kill to have someone like you as a partner. So. Why Donnie?” ... It feels, a little, like that day he’d frightened you. A softer, friendlier version of it.

Yeah. Because it is. Leo doesn't hate her anymore, and she picks up on the difference even though she doesn't understand why.

[Vi talking about Donnie] he’s got this—compulsion, almost. To take care of people. He works on his tech so hard so he can be useful. He’s always texting me about not staying up too late. Getting enough sleep. Did I eat lunch. Don’t overwork myself. Take a break. He even got me to take a few days off, just to relax, and I’ve never done that before. Even though he never turns those thoughts in on himself

HE'S JUST LIKE YOU. SCREAMING THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. RATTLING HER. SO MANY THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT DONNIE APPLY TO YOU AS WELL.

“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask." ... I like him. All of him. Even if I’d never been able to touch him. It would have been him.”

Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something

Yeah. I can definitely see how this would make Leo really struggle to keep it a secret.

He portals you to just outside Donnie’s lab, and with another flash of blue, he’s gone.

The difference here, with him not even going in with her to see Donnie. Him just portaling her to the entrance and then going off... I can just imagine him spending a long time in his room thinking. Thinking thinking thinking about what he should do, after her speech.

Hearing your footsteps, Donnie turns his head, doing a double-take when he sees you, standing out of his chair and coming to stand in front of you with an anxious energy that makes you feel guilty all over again. 

“You’re here,” he says, and you nod, dropping your bag to the floor and leaning into him. Instantly his arms wrap around you, tight enough to crush the air out of you. 

Come ON. HE LOVES HER. HE NEEDS HER. COME ON.

What are you supposed to do? Sob into his arms about how you’d avoided something terrible? Him? The man who couldn’t even touch his family for years and years and years because of the awful things he’s gone through? The man who goes out onto the streets and keeps people like you safe? Why do you get to cry, and he doesn’t?

Her line of thinking here - that 'my issues aren't as serious, they don't matter, I shouldn't seek comfort, especially not from someone who does so much already' - just. No, Vi. I almost wish she would've told Donnie what she was thinking. Someone needs to help her.

(The sex is so fucking hot. I say that every time but only because it's true every time.)

He’s saying something; his mouth is moving but you’re too fuzzy to think, too lost to hear. 

God. I wonder what he said, here.

Every time she says something or thinks something about how beautiful he is, it reminds me that he hasn't said she is beautiful even once.

“I was hoping to get my mouth on your breasts again. You always make interesting noises when I do.” 

So clinical :( and then more and more until she realizes. I'm not going to put the whole thing, but God. God. It's so painful... acoustics, data, sensors, recordings, sessions, partner, spreadsheets...

“The differential in touch inhibition,” he says shortly, like you’re the one not making sense. “I’m actually quite pleased with our progress. I was listening to one of the recordings the other day, and—”

...

“I record everything,” he says, smiling proudly.

...

"This whole time. Have you just been… experimenting with your touch thing?”

Donnie tilts his head. “What else would we be doing?

God, it kills me that he just. Doesn't know. Doesn't understand. And it's not his fault even a little bit. How would he have known otherwise? Honestly? In my reread I didn't find anything he did wrong with the information he thought he had. Unless you count the 4th party, but even then it would be him not following the experiment protocol. It's still not him being malicious in any way (that I know of).

Sheets that smell like a stupid, stupid girl who put her own wishes into someone else’s words yet again.

That's another reference to Alopex, right? Cannot wait to find out more about that relationship.

If Donnie says anything, you don’t hear it.

I wonder if he said anything here. Was he still talking to her, trying to figure out what was wrong? Or watching her in confused, shocked silence? I don't know which is worse.

(It's so painful. It's so fucking painful to read her reaction.)

Tucking your knees to your chest, you sit under the water’s foray, letting it wash over you. On and on and on the little drops hit your skin. They hurt from their fire. On and on and on and on. They hurt from their ice. On and on and on and on. 

Again. Letting herself be hurt. I'm worried.

Then Leo. Covering her with a blanket and holding her. (Does he feel guilty? How could you?)

You pathetic thing, you think derisively, loathing the person you’d become once again.

Another nod to something like this happening with Alopex. Also, the self-hate. I worry worry worry.

Leo is there to see her fall apart. To fully see how the miscommunication with Donnie affected her. I'm worried that, if there's a blowout between him and Donnie, Leo will use his knowledge of how utterly destroyed Vi was against Donnie during the argument.

“What happened?” he asks, because of course he came without knowing, of course he’d seek to solve before he even knew the shape of the problem. Leo, the quiet leader, always watching, always knowing, always helping. So, so grateful for him, you sink your teeth into your lower lip hard and clutch your biceps hard enough to bleed.

"Always helping" and "so grateful for him" make my chest ache. She thinks of him so, so positively and fondly - the betrayal is so deep.

---

What a fucking roller coaster.

My conclusions: Sam is a genius. I'm a goddamn fool. I'm REALLY worried for Vi. I feel so so so bad for Donnie (looking back, I was so confused and angry with him... and it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't and I can't believe I was so blinded by my own biases that I couldn't fathom him not understanding... I owe him such an apology). I'm so goddamn angry with Leo I'm physically sick with it, but my heart aches for pretty much everyone, including Leo. And, once again, Sam is a genius.

[drunkenskunk]

So there's a fanfic I've been trying to write for the last several years, and I haven't been making much progress. On average, I've been writing 5000 words in it every 6 months or so. I keep trying to make progress, but it's difficult to find the motivation to continue, since it seems like nobody gives a shit. And it's just a feedback loop of the longer it takes me to write, the less interest there is, and the harder it is for me to motivate myself, which takes me longer to write...

But there's also another project I've been working on: creating a whole bunch of redacted documents about an OC of mine, and then putting them all together in a physical file folder, as if some fictional agency of multiverse space cops has been building an intelligence dossier. The latest document is a 10-page-long transcript of an operation where they tried to capture her, but it went very wrong.

But also, I've been trying to work on a short story about the character I've been playing in the weekly Lancer game. It's called "Scarlet's Last Normal Day on Hell's Gate," and it is exactly what it sounds like from the title: following her life on the station, the literal day before the Class 2 Printer breaks, and the campaign of In Golden Flame kicks off.

But also, I've been stressed about my computer so much that I haven't streamed in over a week. This in itself has caused a slight crisis, because see it's making me question if this whole streaming habit hobby is even worth it. I've been doing it for 2 years, and haven't seen any tangible results. It's just made me more stressed and tired and it takes up valuable time I don't have that I could've been spent trying to write or draw and oh god the streaming is why my hands haven't been working in years, isn't it?

But the computer situation is also stressful. See, I'm just knowledgeable enough about my computer to get me into trouble, but I'm not knowledgeable enough to get me out. I think there's some kind of overheating issue: sometimes, when I play or stream some games, my computer will unexpectedly stop. The fans spin like a jet engine, everything freezes, the monitors go black and display the words "DVI NO SIGNAL" and the only input it will accept is me holding down the power button to force shut down. And it's like, I don't know what the problem is. Is it the case fans that need replacing? Is it a problem with the fans and/or heat sink on the graphics card? Is there a fault in the liquid cooling system? Has the thermal paste on the CPU worn out because the computer is just over 5 years old? Or is it something else entirely that I'm just not knowledgeable enough to even be aware of?

So that means there's the issue of what to do about this computer. Because even getting it to a shop to figure out what's wrong is going to be tricky, as I don't own (can't afford) a car, so how would I get it there? And even if I somehow found a way to get it there and back, is getting it fixed to keep this old bitch limping along for a few more years even worth it? Even before (what I assume are) the overheating issues, it was still showing its age. The computer might be 5 years old, but the graphics card was low-mid range, even when I got it. And it's becoming increasingly clear that 4 tb of space split between 2 hard drives might have been fine in 2019, it absolutely isn't enough now.

But if I decide to get a new computer, the only way I'd be able to pay for it is by pulling money from what used to be the "Emergency Bug Out Fund," an amount of money I had squirreled away in case of "emergency." Problem is, that moment of "emergency" where that money could've been useful already came and went. It's not enough for me to escape the United States. And even if it was enough, I never made a proper plan, because I was too busy surviving. And even if I had enough and put together a proper plan... where the fuck could I even escape? Setting aside how hostile to trans people most of the world seems to be now anyway, the reach of the Imperial American Hegemony is global, and they've proven time and again that they do not give a shit about sovereignty or international law. And it's only going to get worse after the election...

Pulling from that fund feels like me admitting defeat. I'm going to be stuck here in this hostile police state of a country, working until I die, desperately trying to make just enough money to pay off my increasingly absurd ransom rent each month, as it feels like all the things that used to bring me joy are just causing me stress.

I'm so tired.

[wisdomshoes]

alright, I read it... I don't really understand your take on Elden Ring, if it's just dark souls 3 but worse than it's still a good game also, why does it being overrated make it worse? one of them being music is really funny to me just because I've never met anyone who doesn't like music. all around you have pretty good taste 👍

have a great day :]

i KNOW, I'm so perfect in every aspect yet no one ever compliments me. i mean they do but i shrug it off with a joke or a bit and entirely forget about it. (anyways here comes a thorough explanation on why i fucking hate elden ring) (oh god i am so sorry if you're gonna read all of this) (to prefix this i wanna say you're wonderful and i hold no ill will towards you and i don't want you to feel bad about liking elden ring or fromsoft. i love you. personally. this is not parasocial)

also elden ring is shit. it being overrated is a problem because fromsoft might just get the idea to make more games unbalanced but also make them completely without challenge by adding super op items. then again fromsoft rarely ever listens to fans. they just do what the hell they wanna even if it's shit. part of the reason why i love and hate them. end game pve unbalanced as shit. having spent 60 points on vigor should stop me from dying in two hits. enemies have so much HP it's just not rewarding in any way to fight the lot of them. unless ofc you force yourself to use stupidly op starts and items. so you lose either way unless you ride past them. dungeons are unmemorable except a few actually interesting ones. the world is rather empty and besides blowing a massive hole in the ground and burning down a tree is not really affected by anything you do. all the open world is is spectacle. just a lot of sepctacle with very little gameplay. they made multiplayer unfun. not only invading. duels (rip) and arena are just a shitfest of people only using the most overpowered bullshit and when they're not, they're using fucking magic. which if you play your cards right makes you pretty much immortal. i only found one way to counter semi decent mages. it's being a mage. only time I had fun was this one time in like level 100 arena where this guy changed his entire set to mine including weapons and kicked my ass. besides that only fun in pvp is low level. mages aren't bullshit yet, people don't use the fucking rot (mostly), people are just having fun. actually not pvp, just arena, cause when you invade low level it's always going to be a gank of one regular character and two ng+7 assholes baiting invaders. but that's just part of fromsoft pvp i suppose. the 60 euro experience ladies and gentlemen. instead of balancing it, make it so unfun for one side people will just stop playing it! what else.. they added horses but no horse combat. way to go from. status effects are just taken too far. curse is still useless though except for cheaters. status effects apply through rolls and you can easily make an instaproc build. im not sure if that happened in their previous games. all of the enemies you fight are going to or have been reused. can't have sex with the fingers. 0/10 would probably play it for another 300 hours. I'm not proofreading any of that.

but the mods are great. im not buying the dlc though. it's just going to be more of the same. i mean maybe they could improve it to dark souls 3 standards but if i wanted that I'd just replay dark souls 3. im far too busy replaying Sekiro for the 50th time though aka THEIR BEST GAME BY FAR.

also ive met several people who "don't like" or "don't listen to" music. fucking lunatics, i didn't keep contact with them. also i don't just like music, I'd be dead without music. im beyond obsessed. that's why i felt the need to add it y'know. anyways love you.

[sedgewicke]

Honestly? As far as betrayals go?

It's no Thunderdome we can't get Beyond.

I think I'll keep it in my "Look, things are gonna turn out nice for Sedge this time!" AU. It'll build character. Dalinar will get those rose-tinted glasses he's inexplicably got on for Sadeas bashed off his face with a lead pipe, which I think we can all agree is sorely needed. And Sadeas can use this as an opportunity to properly air his grievances about, namely:

1) That one time Dalinar left him and Gavilar to fend for themselves against an assassin because he was too busy being passed out in a puddle of his own sick, and after Gavilar was murdered and Dalinar sobered up, he proceeded to pull the "UM, but where were you tho???" card, and he's still doing it six years later.

Because, uh. Controversial opinion? That's some completely legitimate shit to be extremely angry about. And by golly, this method of betrayal do seem to mirror that whole situation more than a little bit. But also I doubt it'll be brought up as a Motive That Actually Makes Sense, because why not just keep sitting on this issue?

And 2) Dalinar constantly (constantly) banging on about that damn book, which Sadeas obviously blames in part for Gavilar's death ("that book ruined him"), and likely believes has something to do with Dalinar's own apparent descent into madness. But on top of that, now he's trying to get Elhokar into his weird little book club, and Elhokar is already dealing with a rapidly worsening case of paranoia (which Sadeas attributes to Dalinar coddling him, and thus reinforcing his belief that he's in danger); the last thing he needs is to be exposed to some weird old book that seems to be tied to people goin' kinda nuts. Honestly, from Sadeas' point of view, it totally looks like the Kholin bloodline has got the madness in it, and it's all coming to the surface now for some reason if only there were a common factor in all of it. And because in this AU *throws down a "Fuck you, Sanderson!" card* Sadeas really does care about Elhokar, and isn't going to try and fuck him over because he suddenly decided that he wants to be king or whatever dumb shit's gonna happen (because Dalinar apparently needs to be hilariously wrong about everything Sadeas-related?), all that is a Big Problem.

And you know what? Why not add 3) if you spent decades doing war crimes with a guy, and all of a sudden he starts acting like this Swingin' Richard pinnacle of morality and righteousness, while also going on about how you and basically everyone else sucks and stuff? Yeah, you'd probably be kinda mad about it. That deserves at least a paddlin'.

Where the absolute... was I... with thi-- right, so the point is, now that Sadeas has finally acted on these six years of compounding beef and Dalinar finally understands that "Oh damn, this guy really does hate me", maybe now they can sit their asses down, have some Real Talk like a couple of Grown-Ass Adults.

Although, damn, that is a lot of Thunderdome to get Beyond.

[be-side-my-self]

Rewatch of ONLY Murders In The Building to prepare for season 4 (V)

<Part I> // <Part II> // <Part III> // <Part IIII>

Block #OMITBRewatch if you don’t want to read notes that will have spoilers up to seasons 3. Just to make it clear, while quoting, I use M, O, C for the main characters.

Also I’m putting this under a read more because it gets long. (also, also this is the fifth part and I finally added "only" to the title.)

S2 E7

Episode of Mabel.

There is Theo and that is a really nice apartment.

M: "Is that me? Did I stab someone? Again?"

Detective Williams baby is so cute! Keith.

Mabel: "Nice accesory." Theo: *Looks down at his ankle* Mabel: "You steal jewelery from dead people, and the state gives you and anklet. Kind of poetic." Theo: *slams the mug, pissed off.*

THEO DIMAS I'm deaf. I write, or use ASL _I catch only 1/3 of what you say,_ through lip-reading.

*insert that video from american psycho about the business cards.

Theo: "When you got off the train, you were in shock so I took you to my place like creep."

Theo is really nice.

Detective Williams is so great.

.... they are so stupid it's amazing... but also that apartment is poorly soundproofed

Talking about a two-men job on the toilet is a really weird thing to say.

M: "Ah, yes. The adventures of a teenage grave robber. Got it."

Theo likes the simple solutions. Nice.

Someone with frustration is playing Whak-a-mole

Crane game... my sister is so good at it. Better than Theo.

So, how did he manage to get the ring in the crane-game? Sleight of hand? He could have put it in there when Mable did not look.

Oliver probably has probably flash-back to the time Will was a baby.

The dads are consulting.

Oh Mabel :(

Of course she is angry, her dad is dying and he can't keep his promises and she does not know.

Uh oh... glitter.

That is such a good scene.

So, the background on Mable's phone... is that her fursona?

Omg... please... I know you need to look at the lips Theo, but please look at the street.

M: "Thank you for stealing my fish."

Oh right! A blackout!

S2 E8

Sith-Avenue Slasher

Something about this was correct...

Also love the fan-made merch. All the tie-die stuff.

You always get Oliver with dips.

Howard! Go for it!!

Psycharatist: "There may be more to life than cats."

... lmao Charles and Oliver bonding over the guy who operated their knees. Besties.

Howard: "Sevenlyn Marie Morris, num num!"

Smooth, Howard!

It's actually nice to see some side-characters in that episode...

Howard and that other guy are a match made in heaven... pity it does not last :/

Also the scene with Nina and the door-man is really good.

Oh... the whole house singing sound of silence. That is such a nice scene.

:(

Mabel takes the dips with her!

lmao everyone getting drunk in the lobby XD

M: "But why are you here? Other than interrogating teenage girls? Detective Kreps: "That's just one part of the job I happen to like."

YIKES YIKES YIKES

The GLITTER!!

S2 E9

Rose Cooper and Leonora Folger are the same person iirc.

Well the alimony is probably partly your fault, Kreps.

Kreps: "And she, or he, if that is your thing, they smile at you, and your whole goddamn universe turns upside down. And that's when shit gets really crazy."

M: "That is ASL for glitter." C: "Oh, that is kind of fun."

Congrats Oliver! You are the father!

O: "There's no real difference. All the European countries are esentially the same."

... boy.

Hey, Alice!

As I said, I did not like Alice but this is really tragic. It would have been nice for Mabel to have an artist as a girlfriend.

Oh lol... Rose just acted like she was Leonora.

And... now I think I remember that Oliver is lying about being greek... but it's a white lie?

25 Willow Dr Lake Placid New York

"Excessive Force Fighting Gym" ... that sounds fun and not serious at all. But gosh the upcoming scene is so good.

Hey, Teddy!

Lmao... Oliver just going for Teddy's throat.

O: "You're my son's father, you piece of shit!"

Kreps: "If I'm so stupid, how come I was able to land the smartes woman on the planet?"

It they weren't murderers their story would have been kinda cute.

Teddy: "Ow!" O: "Can I get you something!? Coffee? Water? A swift kick in the dick?" Teddy: "Look, Oliver, let me explain--" O: "Oh no, no, no. You know you don't have to. I was up all night talking to Roberta. She told me what happened." Teddy: "Did she tell you it only happened once?" O: "She said twice." Teddy: "One night, two times." O: "Well, now you're just bragging."

Mabel figures it out but comes to the wrong conclusion... I mean I would too.

Teddy's whole family was a bunch of crooks.

Teddy: "Aren't we square at this point? You send me to jail, I fuck your wife?"

Well, shit.

S2 E10

I remember that I really enjoyed the episode.

Poppy really had a shitty life.

The Mayor... yikes, yikes, yikes...

Cinda is such a bitch.

O: "Torture? Can we torture her? Charles, get your concertina and whatever you consider your 10 most intersting stories." C *rubbing his nose with his middle finger*: "Hm, let me just muse on that, uh, for a second." O *smirks*: "Mm."

No, Oliver it does not feel like a finale yet... but at least we got to see Poppy's background story.

M: "Oliver, what did we agree on?" O: "You and Charles do the talking."

I know people who are disgusted by the inside of the tomatoe but also someone who gets an allergic reaction when eating unprocessed tomatoes. I on the other hand can eat a tomatoe like an apple. And I enjoy it.

Liverwurst? Yum. Marmelade? Yum. Togther? ... nonono

Uma is great.

Lester's (Doorman) story is hardcore.

Oliver is so fast with giving away Charles' money.

O: "The sexual energy between you two was obvious. I'd say more, but this is a family murder podcast."

Charles and Oliver doing slow motion is so hilarious.

Don't waste food.

... love how Mabel ist using the ego of Poppy to confess.

Holy shit what a scene.

I remember the first time I saw that I was so freaked out.

And the fact that Cinda is now complimenting Mabel...

Again... if they weren't murderers, I would have wished Krebs and Poppy all the best.

C: "Hallelujah! It's a miracle cure!" Lucy: "Nice. you got de-dementia'd."

LMAO... How Charles tries his best to ask out Joy and luckily she understands his grunts.

Pity, that the mural is painted over.

Also it seems like Mabel and Alice stayed friends at least. Maybe dated some longer, who knows?

Awww... Will and Oliver having a moment.

I screamed when I saw Paul Rudd in that role.

But like what kind of ass do you have to be to get on the bad side of Charles?

*dramatic yodeling*

[mcwentfandomtraveling]

:O

Not important stuff below

Just feeling lonely so I'm gonna dump whatever's on my mind

So my sister is super busy and I miss her 😢

We have a few fictional worlds we made just the two of us...and characters for thoes worlds...

We've had this as a special thing for just us since we could talk...(identical twins btw)

And recently (in the last 1-2 years) we decided to make a bookkeeper universe to look after our fictional worlds when we're too busy XD

Because why the hell not XD

And the bookkeeper universe has characters of its own!

And a few weeks ago I got us both stuff that reminded us of our bookkeeper universe (dolls, plushes, all sorts of stuff) and I just found out that I accidentally spent all the money I had on toys by accident 👉👈

Good thing I got some money today (about 300$ because SHIT would've been awful)

Anyways...now I gotta be mature and not a toddler with a credit card and cut back on the spending...

BUT I have enough to get my sister one more toy because I really wanna and I'm going to do one last farewell shopping spree to end my toy shopping every other week and save that toy for her birthday so we can have fun in the summer when we have more time together! XD

Anyways lemme tell you my characters in mine and my sister's bookkeeper universe!

I have four! (Plus three but not important atm I may or may not return to that)

Basically all kinds of fantasy creatures exist in this universe...Fae, High Fae, Fairies, Elves, Yokai, Mermaids, Mermen, ect ect!

And there are different types of each creature too like for example High Fae :

High Fae of Fauna

High Fae of Light Magic

High Fae of Dark Magic

Or just some magical concepts like :

High Fae of Fire Magic

High Fae of Healing Magic

High Fae of Electric Magic

Ect ect

Same concept applies to different fantasy races like :

Yuki Ona and Kitsune hybrid Yokai

Lamia and Dragon Yokai

Pretty much you can fuse anything you see it if you want and anyone can learn magic

And everyone has a job they're destined for in this universe...

My characters are :

Nixie (still thinking up a full name for her) she is a simple Fairy of life magic and binds the souls of each of the ocs representing me most to eachother as a way to balance eachother's happiness, luck, and unseen stuff like that...she has a girlfriend who is another character of mine! Nyfane a half mermaid half dragon character that works as a veterinarian to magical and non magical creatures! And they're both really cute together! (Got a doll that reminds me of Nyfane!)

Then I have my other characters! Nyfane's mentor Emperiven who is a High Fae of Healing magic and mostly treats people but can also treat animals...

Emperiven makes sure no one dies both in the bookkeeper universe and the other universes! ^-^

Then Emperiven's lover is a High Fae of Fauna named Lyalli! She owns the place where all these characters live! Called the Keltoron cottage castle inn! It's a castle with a a cottage esthetic! ><

Lyalli let's anyone weary from traveling stay at it like an inn! ><

Lyalli can also transform into a swan! :D

And Nixie, Nyfane, and Emperiven just kinda ended up staying!

Emperiven decided to stay because the forest is a little long and treacherous to get lost in and incase anyone needed medical attention upon arrival...he also ended up falling in love with Lyalli! <3

Nixie and Nyfane ended up falling in love with the place and Lyalli just let them stay! (On top of doing thier actual jobs they also help out by working as employees of the inn!)

The technically three other characters are Emperiven's three other brothers...but I'm not quite finished workshopping them yet...

One is named Eion though...he's the youngest and a cinnamonroll...

Anyways...that's some of what's on my mind

Geez I miss my sister...

I ended up getting her a bunch of her favorite shiny pokemon to give her in Scarlet and Violett too!

I guess other then missing my sister...

My heart can't decide what fandom I'm obsessed with rn XD

Like there's this cool Ikevamp and Piofiore crossover I wanna write...but also I started One Piece and wanna simp over my newest addition to my husband collection! ><

And Glorfindel has been siren song-ing me when I'm sad to come read fics about him...

My mind is EVERYWHERE rn

And I'm lonely

Sending hugs...anyways thanks for letting me rant 😅

[bethnalgreen]

Dead Mountain preview chapters

So, the new novel in Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's Nora Kelly (and Corrie Swanson) series is out in about a week. I ordered my copy from the Poisoned Pen because I want the collectible cards. (Sorry, guys, don't really care that it's an "autographed" first edition.) I used to be a B&N bookseller, so I know people who order from there or Amazon tend to receive the book on the release date, while I'll have to wait a week or two. Fortunately, Amazon has a sample available online that I can obsess over in the meantime.

Spoilers for the new book (and previous books in the series) ahead!

Chapter 1: It's late October. Two frat guys get stuck in the snow in the New Mexico mountains. They proceed to get drunk and stoned, crawl into a cave for shelter, and find human remains.

Chapter 2: She's back! My favorite character, Special Agent Corinne/Corrine Swanson, appears. (Has Hachette fired all their proofreaders? Come on, it's kind of essential that you figure out how the first name of your co-heroine is spelled.)

It appears that Corrie has spent the past few months on boring FBI assignments after the shit-show that wrapped up Diablo Mesa. I find the mention of debriefings and lie detector tests reassuring; I wondered how much she told her superiors about what happened. Apparently, she told them everything. Unfortunately, it looks like she's gotten screwed over again with regards to commendations, promotions, etc. because of the case's classified nature. Typical. (Can't FBI agents get commendations or decorations for classified work? It seems like Pendergast has a few of those in his jacket.)

Her boss now has a case for her, and introduces her to her new mentor, Agent Sharp. (RIP, Hale Morwood.) Corrie notices that his clothes and haircut are better than typical FBI issue. He's pretty quiet, has an accent she can't quite place, and has a reputation for being somewhat of a lone wolf. Hmm, reminds me of someone ...

Anyway, her boss assigns her the human-remains-in-the-mountains case, and Corrie and Sharp leave posthaste.

Just a small rant here. This chapter states Corrie's been at the Albuquerque FO for about a year. Excuse me, it's been ALMOST TWO YEARS. She started her assignment in ABQ in January 20xx. The meat of the story in Old Bones took place in May/June. The events of Scorpion's Tail took place three months later (fall of 20xx). Diablo Mesa took place six months after that (spring of the next year). Dead Mountain explicitly starts four months later, on Halloween. That's nearly two years. Her probationary period should almost be up already. Sometimes I wonder if the authors are deliberately messing with the timeline to keep Corrie in stasis, or whether they just can't be bothered with consistency.

Chapter 3: We begin with another inconsistency. We're told that Morwood was forced into a mentoring role by an "injury," but it was actually his interstitial lung disease.

Corrie learns a little more about the Manzano Mountains region and gets snarky about the "need" for hundreds of nuclear weapons. Sharp seems to appreciate the sarcasm.

We're introduced to a deputy for Torrance County, who reminds Corrie of her "friend," Sheriff Watts of Socorro County. She wonders what Watts is up to. This is interesting ... he asked her out in Diablo Mesa, and she pretty much accepted. It's now four months later, she obviously hasn't been too busy, and they haven't gone on that date yet? In fact, it doesn't even sound like she's really kept in touch with him. Maybe later chapters will clarify this situation and explain how in the world he's surviving with only one of his Colt Peacemakers.

The deputy seems decent enough, but the big kahuna himself, Sheriff Hawley, is yet another of the male LEOs that Corrie runs into all too often. Calls her "young lady" even after she's identified herself as FBI and refuses to leave the scene (which he's stomping all over without protective gear) until the MALE FBI agent threatens him. Sigh.

Side note: I got an email from Poisoned Pen, which refers to an "evil sheriff" in this novel. Does Hawley have something to do with the "Dead Mountain" cold case that Corrie and Nora are going to investigate? On the other hand, one Goodreads review says that the plotline with Nora, Skip, and the sheriff goes nowhere. Is he just evil for evil's sake, then?

Anyway, Corrie goes into the cave and sees the human remains. And there the preview abruptly ends.

I feel like there's a lot of unpack here, and we don't even know what's going on with Nora and her billionaire boyfriend!

As much as I bitch about continuity errors in these books (I guess you never stop being a copy editor) I almost always really enjoy them. I expect I'll devour Dead Mountain as fast as I can, give it a chance to digest, and then read it again for things I missed the first time. And I'll definitely login to watch Preston and Child's appearance at the Poisoned Pen on publication day.

Anyone who reads this, feel free to speculate on what might happen in the book. I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to drag ...

[max-nico]

Amy Rose headcanons

If you have any headcanons put them in the tags, reply, or my ask box ! Any character you want me to focus on ? Message me, or hit my ask box ! Suggestions are always welcome .

Okay I don't care what canon says, Sonic's eyes are a dark emerald green and Amy's are a bright seafoam green.

You remember Amy's tarot cards? I think she has some minor abilities that have to do with witchy things like tarot cards, future telling, predictions, etc. That's why she tends to just KNOW where people are

But according to her it's "just a hunch"

Amy is very very strong, she can absolutely go toe to toe with Knuckles in hand to hand combat. I think they enjoy arm wrestling with each other, but their scores are normally tied

I also think she's the type to cheat during board games and not get caught, but also call out other people for cheating during board games since she just seems to always know ;)

Amy likes to carry Sonic to embarrass him, it's all in good fun... It's mostly fun for her.... But she would put him down if it bothered him that much

Amy can take up a whole room just by standing in it. She has a HUGE aura that everyone can feel. She's just so head strong and passionate, she's loud too, and confident. Plus her whole witch thing definitely gives her a strong aura

Amy is really in tune with people's emotions. She can feel the slightest change in people's moods which makes her really sociable and easy to be around

I think Amy dresses like,,, fairy grunge,,, if you know what that specific alternative category looks like. It has lots of long skirts paired with short crop tops, large bags, shawls or sweaters, with just a ✨dash✨ of glitter, usually earthy tones but I see her wearing a lot of white/red/green/pink (so her usual color palette)

Honestly just fairy-core in general for the most part

Amy can be naggy and a bit stand offish at times but it's just because she wants what's best for you, even if it feels like you're being treated like a kid sometimes

I also see her as the type to pack her friends lunches with cute little notes in them

Amy can't hide her emotions for shit, which is great for her friends so they all know when something is wrong.

She enjoys venting to Tails the most because she normally talks to him while he works, so all their conversations go like:

"And then he told me to GO AWAY, LIKE I DIDNT JUST SAVE HIS LIFE ! Can you believe him, Tails !?! Uhg ! He's just SO RUDE" .... "Uh huh... You're so right." .. "He should appreciate me more ! I do so much for him and what do I get back ?! NOTHING !!" .... "Uh huh... You're so right."

What can she say, she likes being told she's right.

Amy is ladylike with her mannerisms, like she sits with her legs crossed, makes eye contact when she speaks, holds her pinky out when she drinks tea, but she's not ladylike in the way she speaks. I don't think she has a big potty mouth or anything, but she can come off as rude at times. She speaks bluntly and tells you exactly how she feels, which can oftentimes lead to misunderstandings

I think Amy makes insecure men nervous, ya know like the ones who call women whores and stuff because they'll never be able to land a woman like her? Yeah, she makes those guys incredibly nervous.

I want to be her ❤️

Her quills are short, but if there's a will there's a way. Most of the time her quills (hair ig lol) are messy, you can normally tell when she's been busy just by the state her quills are in, but when she puts effort into her appearance?? Zoo wee mama them quills are gorgeous. Them bitches sleek, shiny, radiant

Amy in general tends to be radiant, mostly because of that mostly untapped magic she uses. I think she feels mythical when you're next to her, she feels powerful, and I love that for her

Alright that's all the headcanons I can think of right now, but I'll reblog with more if I think of some. If it becomes too many I'll just make post #2 electric boogaloo. Feel free to reblog with your own headcanons for her. I'll probably also do a post for how I think all the characters would dress, not just her lol

If you have any headcanons put them in the tags, reply, or my ask box ! Any character you want me to focus on ? Message me, or hit my ask box ! Suggestions are always welcome .

[makeste]

tw/ child abuse

omg I can't take people defending endeavor anymore, the man beat up two of his 5yo children, one of them to the point where he faked his own death, made his wife go crazy because of the constant abuse, neglected his other two children, he fucked with his family for 20 years and people are still claiming that he did nothing wrong???? that he feeling sorry for himself and not his victims is okay??? this man needs to be put in jail not amount of self pity can make me feel sorry for him, hes not even trying to pretend to care, I didn't had a panic attack reading that chapter where deku said that he deserves to be forgiven because he thought him how to use is quirk and beat jeanist acted as if child abuse means nothing compared to the heroes reputation because it reminded me of how everyone around me acted as if the abuse that me and my sisters had to endure meant nothing and we were just being hysterical, for readers to start acting as if endeavor did nothing wrong when we know he has, I really wish that people would stop and think and instead of pputting blame on the victims put it on the abuser (sorry about any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and i was kinda nervous writing this)

anon you absolutely have a right to not like the character or his story arc, and I’m sorry that you and your sisters went through that. you can hate him and find him unforgivable and want him to be punished, and all of that is valid. however, there are a few things that you’ve stated in this ask which are misleading and which I’d like to clarify.

1. I have never once seen anyone say that Endeavor did nothing wrong; I’m curious where you’ve seen that take. I think it’s pretty much universally acknowledged in fandom that Endeavor abused and neglected his family, and he himself even acknowledged responsibility for Touya’s death. no one is claiming otherwise.

2. Deku never said Endeavor deserves to be forgiven. what he said was (1) Dabi was wrong about it not being his business, because trying to kill Deku’s friend right in front of him makes it his business, and (2) “the past never dies, and that’s why I’m watching Endeavor real hard as he tries to be better.” the implication is that he’s not forgiving Endeavor for what he’s done, but that he is paying attention to Endeavor’s attempts at atonement now to see if he really is sincere (which he in fact is).

3. similarly, Jeanist never said anything close to “I don’t give a fuck about child abuse, how dare you besmirch the heroes’ precious reputations”, or whatever people keep interpreting it as. I’ve already written a much longer post about this, so I won’t go into it here. but again, this is putting words into characters’ mouths that they’ve never said and completely twisting their meanings around.

4. Dabi is not immune from responsibility for his actions just because his father neglected him. it’s not a get out of jail free card he can just wave around. he’s killed scores of people, and he himself nearly killed the same brother he called Endeavor out for abusing. acknowledging that doesn’t mean that someone is victim-blaming. you can call out Dabi for his shit and still acknowledge Endeavor’s crimes as well. people who are abused can and do sometimes grow up to be abusers themselves.

5. lastly, please don’t think I mean this in a harsh way at all, anon, but in the same way that nobody has the right to tell you how to feel about the story, you don’t have the right to tell others how to feel about it either. you don’t know what other people have been through, and their feelings are valid too. “I really wish that people would stop and think” implies that they haven’t already. speaking as an abuse survivor myself, I personally find Endeavor’s redemption arc therapeutic, because my abuser never expressed any real remorse for their actions even though I wish they would have. so seeing that happen in this story is actually pretty emotional for me. but that’s also a deeply personal reaction that I kind of wish I didn’t have to explain on demand just to prove that I’m allowed to participate in the discussion on abuse. basically I don’t think anyone has the right to gatekeep said discussion, or try to invalidate other people’s feelings and reactions because they don’t think they’re reacting in what they feel is the appropriate way.

Endeavor’s character arc is always going to be a polarizing one. it’s an example of restorative justice versus punitive justice, with Horikoshi generally being in favor of the former (at least from what we’ve seen). and so for the people who want to see Endeavor punished, his arc isn’t necessarily going to be an enjoyable one, because rather than taking the “put him in jail and humiliate him and make him suffer” approach, Horikoshi is instead going with the “make him take responsibility by acknowledging and doing his best to repair the harm he’s done moving forward” approach. which is a much slower and more painstaking process, and less viscerally satisfying, but ultimately more helpful to the people that he’s actually hurt. at least I think so. but again, you don’t have to agree and those feelings are 100% valid as well. I think overall people just need to stop acting like there’s an objective right or wrong way to feel here in general. anyway so that’s all I’ll say about it for now.

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

I think Gojo's more of a lonely God than a cheater. He's put on a pedestal since birth and everyone wants him for his looks/power. His friends (Nanami, Shoko) and students (other than Itadori) insult him/treat him like an annoyance. I'm sure anyone would be bothered by how the people closest to him, who are supposed to support him, constantly call him a bother and don't want to be around him, so based on that Gojo probably doesn't even think he'd be fit for a relationship when everyone always brings him down. The only one who saw him as Satoru rather than "The Strongest" is probably Geto, who was almost as powerful as he is but more importantly, treated him more like a friend.

When Gege said he can't see Gojo as being faithful to a certain woman, it's probably because we've seen how women are treated in Jujutsu society, and since Gojo is so busy, if she can't keep up with him, they'll probably hardly see each other. She would have to be a very strong sorcerer who can keep up with him and sees him as a person, like Geto. Otherwise, Gojo probably can't have a relationship with a woman because they wouldn't be able to understand each other- most people wouldn't be able to understand Gojo, actually, like Gojo can't understand most people, because of the power difference. Gojo grew up with a whole different mindset after being treated differently than everyone else. Therefore, he would need a woman who is incredibly strong, almost as much as he is, to understand where he's coming from. She'd also have to be knowledgeable enough to have a deep conversation with him about Jujutsu, morals, beliefs, and future plans to plot with him. She'd have to support him, but also call him out on his bs or when he's doing something wrong, and praise him when he's behaving well while also treating him like a human being with emotions. She would most likely be the girl version of Geto, but more patient and affectionate and teach Gojo about how to care for other people and give proper affection. Most of all, she would have to have an unshakeable character, someone who will stick to her beliefs no matter what and stand her ground, even if the world is against her (and if she's with Gojo, the world will be against her). After Geto's betrayal, she'd also have to prove that she'd never betray Gojo for him to let her in, so patience is very key for this relationship. Gojo needs a partner in crime, an equal or close to it, that he can share his life with and go to when he needs help or when he feels vulnerable, someone he can let his guard down with and trust wholeheartedly. Someone who can protect "The Strongest" or be decent enough at it. Therefore, you can see how such a person (man or woman) would be very hard to find. Geto was probably the closest one to being in a real friendship with Gojo, let alone a relationship.

Also, this is just me but I personally think Gojo's too busy to have an affair/one night stands. Gege said he doesn't sleep long and in the light novels, Gojo said he has to sightsee while on missions cause otherwise he would have no time. Gojo doesn't drink either so it's hard to see him going out of his way to the bar or wherever to pick someone up. If he feels needy, he can just get off by himself like the rest of us 🥲 He also probably wouldn't go out of his way to seduce someone, bring them home, and then kick them out when he wakes up 3 hours later. That might just be me hoping he still has his v card tho lol.

Sorry for the rant too lol. Just wanted to share my thoughts and see what you thought of this cause I really love your work and how you write Gojo and wanted your opinion 💙 🙏🤔

Omg anon do not be sorry at all for this 1000000/10 ❤🙌 honestly there's nothing I can disagree on you with becuz this is exactly how I see his character as not some cheater or player who goes around messing with people MAN GOT NO TIME FOR THAT he just wants to enjoy his life becuz he's got so much shit to do and deal with and imagine the pressure of having everyone relying on you but something tells me he was wild during his highschool days and lost his v card along the way lol man has too much ego to be called an almost 30 year old virgin