#I can't run very much but I do a mean putter

[giantkillerjack]

I started saying things like "oh dearie me" as a joke, but of course it eventually just became a natural part of my speech

Which is frankly excellent personal character design on my part because it didn't actually make me not foul-mouthed, I just now also mix in the swearing vocabulary of a gentleman Hobbit ("SHIT! BALLS! GOLLY! FUCK!!!")

But also an unexpected lovely side effect is that now when I fuck up in a very small way, I automatically go like, "Oh my! Oh dear!! Oh, Jack, you silly goose!" Like a fussy grandmother.

And I have found that it is actively harder for my anxiety to catastrophize or contribute to negative self-talk when I mess up because there is now also a little hobbit man puttering around the scene going, "oh heavens oh golly gosh oh dear!!! ... heck!!!!!"

[teddy06writes]

Whumptober Day 22 - Alfie Solomons

Alfie Solomons x gn!reader

Prompt: Chronic Pain

Trigger Warnings: Swearing

Summary: Getting Alfie to take a day off when his sciatica is bothering him is a full time job.

You woke to the sound of your husbands grumbling as he puttered around you bedroom, getting ready for the day. While it wasn't unusual for you to wake around this time, and watch the few peaceful moments he would have during the day, you could tell that something was off.

Propping yourself up on one elbow, you watched as he leaned heavily against the dresser, muttering a curse you couldn't make out. You recognized the odd shift in his stance in an instant.

"Are you alright love?"

Alfie startled at the sound of your voice, looking up and across the room at you, "Hm? What? I'm fine, treacle, you just go back to bed now, right?"

You sat up properly now, raising your eyebrows and crossing your arms, "Alfie..."

"'s just me sciatica, love, nothin' to worry about."

You let out a judgmental hum, and thinking that was the end of it, he went back to digging around in one of the drawers for whatever shirt he was looking for. Finally finding whichever one he was looking for, he straightened up, moving across the room stiffly, and muttering to himself, "Now where the bloody hell did I put..."

Without a word you slipped out of bed quietly, darting through the silent house to retrieve his cane from where he had left it in the study the night before.

When you returned, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, running his hand over his beard.

"You ought to stop leaving this around." You said, handing the cane over.

He sighed but took it gratefully, "Thank you, treacle."

You sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, nudging his shoulder with yours, "Maybe you should stay home today. I know you don't have any important meetings."

"Maybe not any meetings, but inventory is coming up, and I need to go over the adding before my next meeting with that fuckin Shelby wanker," He rubbed a hand over his beard once more, "And it really ain't that bad."

You tried to hold back a scoff, nodding seriously, "Oh yes, of course. And none of that could ever be held off till tomorrow."

"Well-"

You cut him off, pressing a kiss to his temple and standing up, "Right. I'm going to go make some breakfast."

A few minutes later, you were halfway through scrambling some eggs when Alfie lumbered into the kitchen, leaning heavily on his cane. You pursed your lips, but said nothing, turning to the stove top.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Alfie reluctantly taking the pain medication he'd been prescribed for particularly bad days.

"Are you sure you can't just stay home, Alf? If it's bothering you that much-"

"Don't you go trying to tell me what to do-" He pointed a finger at you, "I am a grown man, I can take care of myself thank you very fucking much."

"That doesn't mean you should have to," You moved your pan off the burner, moving to wrap your arms around his waist, "Let me take care of you, darling."

Almost automatically, his arms were wrapping around you in return, but he kept up his grumbling, "I've got things, treacle, right, that I need to do, and I'm fine anyway. Just making a big fuss over nothin."

"Mhhhm. What if I just go call Ollie myself and tell him not to let you into your office, hm? What then?" You asked, pulling away enough to look at him.

He wagged his finger at you again, "Ah, but Ollie's to scared of me to keep me out all day."

"He might be scared of you threatening him, but I think he'd be more scared of disappointing me." You said gravley.

Alfie locked eye with you for a long moment, and a battle of wills commenced. You would keep this up all day, even if it meant following him all the way to the bakery, sitting in his office all day, and not letting him get one ounce of work done, for your begging him to take a load off.

You knew that, and he knew that. It took a few long moments before he finally looked away, conceding.

"Right, fine. Since you put it that way."

You beamed, pressing a kiss to his whiskery cheek, "Wonderful. Now, you sit right down there, and after breakfast I will run you a nice, hot bath."

[animehouse-moe]

Mobile Suit Gundam - The Witch From Mercury S2 Episode 10: The Woven Path

So two things to start. I apologize for not getting this post out until today, but it was Father's day on Sunday (I'm not a father) so was spending time with family. Secondly, really cool that Ryusuke Tarou did an end card for GWitch. They're a super cool illustrator that has just what you need when you want to see all your favorite characters happy and free of trauma, living it up in the modern day. Their Twitter is full of fun and wholesome illustrations.

Anyways, the episode at hand. A lot going on, a lot of callbacks and references, and a lot of importance pieces. Unsurprisingly, that means a lot to talk about! Well, waste not want not, I'll get started.

If it wasn't already clear, Quiet Zero is a very large piece of religious symbolism coupled with the concepts of life and death, and it's not exactly subtle. The episode starts off with a Gundnode that is placed squarely within the cross that appears on Quiet Zero, evoking comparisons to crucifixion in regards to the sins that innocent Eri is forced to bear.

From the unsuccessful attack on Quiet Zero that brought the Gundnodes out, we bounce around establishing where all the characters begin at this episode. Finding Miorine holed up in her room, the Earth house puttering about getting prepared to follow Suletta into battle, and Suletta herself talking with Elan.

I thought they did a really good job of handling the interaction between this pair, as Suletta sits on the same bench she waited at her Elan for. The current Elan doesn't sit down though, rather he faces away from Suletta. I think it's a nice touch to keep this pair's relationship distant and on different wavelengths, and in part to show this Elan running away from something yet again. It's a great little piece to his character, that thanks to Suletta's words and Norea's book, allows him to see why someone would rally against the fear. For something greater than themselves, something that they want to protect or save.

Skipping ahead a little bit between the buildup, Guel comes to Suletta to offer her a chance at redemption. Just as she did for himself, though this time in the form of a duel.

I think it's great, and I also think it's a solid callback to Utena. I also hear there's a similar scene in an older Gundam series, but I'm a first time watcher (essentially) so I wouldn't have known otherwise. Anyways, choosing fencing as the form of combat was a really great decision on Guel's part. Half ego, half character, he challenges Suletta to a form of duel that can't be fibbed or faked, one that relies on the moment itself rather than careful planning or preparation. He wants to fight Suletta to prove himself, but to also allow Suletta that opportunity. He doesn't want to hold Miorine over her, nor does he want Suletta's pity. He wants to stand alongside her, to be shown to be equals through the purest comparison possible. I love it, I really do. I love how much our little Bob has grown into a man, but truth be told, thanks to that piece towards the end of the episode, I'm scared for him.

Anyways, here's the super smooth fencing sequence.

So, Suletta wins the duel, and with it the chance to talk to Miorine. I think it's very endearing, and like many have said prior to me, does a great job of allowing Miorine to quite literally open her own door. Before that though, she's crushed under the weight of her own actions, unable to move forward. Suletta doesn't offer her mother's hollow words to justify sacrifice, but rather approaches Miorine as someone who shares a terrible burden as well. I could say a lot more, but I'm going to summarize with this: it's the inverse of Suletta's experience at Plant Quetta. It's Suletta reaching out a caring hand to support Miorine through her fear of violence and death that stains her vision red. Suletta herself admits to her actions at Plant Quetta to establish that comparison for this moment.

Through this conversation, she uses a lot of the words that her mother gave her. That she was protecting someone, that it was the right thing to do. She does very well at realizing her mother's grasp on her in her own way, and in experiencing senseless death first hand, comes to understand how terrible it is. And of course, Suletta is a curse breaking machine through this second cour/season, as she continues to reference her mother's words in opposition to them. What I really love is how she's internalized the original phrase, and subconsciously uses it now, in her own ways, to uniquely support and encourage the characters that need it. It changes bit by bit each time we hear it, but it's still there, and it's still Suletta's version.

Suletta does successfully encourage Miorine, and coaxes both a potential death flag and future date out of her once-again fiancé, and we get a really impactful scene of Miorine moving forward to open the door on her own.

While the act is her own, she still has Suletta waiting on the other side to support her. Suletta still extends a hand out to Miorine, like her own mother did back on Plant Quetta. But rather than excusing or justifying Miorine's actions, she's accepting them alongside Miorine, providing a hand to hold onto while she fights onwards. What I really like with this scene is its subtleties. Suletta's hand reaches out further than Miorine's, but despite that action of reaching out, she places her open hand beneath Miorine's to allow Miorine to reach out for Suletta as well, and when Miorine does reach out, there's hesitation at first. And then there's the ending scene of their hands intertwined, where they both appear in the center of the frame without one side greater than the other. Really small details, but I think really important in regards to how the pair are interacting with and approaching each other. It's incredibly cute, and is only further bolstered by the use of a piano rendition of the opening song that punctuates this entire interaction.

With Miorine out of her room, the plan to begin an assault on Quiet Zero can begin, as Suletta climbs into the monster Calibarn to prep.

There's not a whole lot to comment on as Miorine retakes the reins of the Benerit Group, and even pays a visit to Shaddiq prior to the Calibarn testing. The real impactful piece is Miorine during Suletta's permet score testing. Despite the pain that Suletta's in as she climbs the scores, Miorine is the one that pushes her through to success. I think it's really great how much confidence she has in Suletta through this sequence, and that it all melts away when she reaches the needed score.

And with that success, the Earth house bolstered by the Benerit Group sorties to challenge Quiet Zero. It's also here that my panic attack for Bob begins. He's sortied in his own Dilanza when a Schwarzette appears and fires on him, with his own brother piloting. I'm scared for two reasons: the last time Guel fought family in space his father was killed, and his brother is piloting a Gundam. This means only one of two things, Bob dies, or his brother dies. I can just barely bare Guel losing his brother as well, but losing Bob himself would be heart crushing at this point.

Anyways, onto Suletta and Calibarn rallying against Quiet Zero! I really liked this piece because you can tell that Eri is in fact, holding back against her younger sister.

Also, Calibarn is Caliban from Prospero

Yeah, that's on me, I forgot to add it in the last episode where the name was revealed. I was more so irked by the fact that it was the convenient existence of another Gundam, that I completely spaced out on the fact that Calibarn was foretold by the existence of Aerial and Prospera. So yeah, my bad, but GWitch is still holding itself close to Shakespeare's Prospero, with the ideal of bringing Ericht back to life (which is a power that the play version of Prospera does wield).

Anyways, how is Eri holding back? Well, glad you asked! It's pretty clear to see in this one sequence here. The Gundnode has several arms which wield several beam sabers against Suletta and Calibarn's one. Child's play to understand that Eri could have ended the fight then and there, but instead opted for a more even playing field for Suletta. Really nice touch to show the love that Eri still has for Suletta.

And the icing on the cake, Ericht now appearing above her own casket. The whole idea of a cradle existing within her own casket, where she typically resides is a lot, and speaks to Prospera's grief for her lost daughter, so this sequence takes a different approach. Suletta's only ever seen Eri as Aerial (well, she used to, now they're separate), so the concept of her being "dead" doesn't ring true for her.

It's here that we find our episode's end though. Left on a cliffhanger, waiting to discover the fate of many of our characters, and what will become of Suletta and Ericht. Lots of great stuff, and I'm very curious to see if GWitch will stay true to it's Shakespearean roots.

[guilty-pleasures-and-dead-doves]

[Free Wolf, She-Wolf] Chapter 4

Chapters post

Chapter 3: Sweet reasons, ‘stupid’ reasons

[Chapter 4] Giving Honor, Giving Away

The Emperor sat on his upholstered, reclining throne, and waited.

He played none of his vinyls, smoked none of his cigars, drank none of his booze. None of it would succeed in distracting him, and he wouldn't enjoy any of it.

He knew Croissant and Exusiai were pretending to not watch him with concern, as they puttered around and tried to look busy. Normally he would have given them some kind of tasks to distract them.

But he needed them on-hand and ready for whatever happened next. Much as he hoped for the best, he knew to prepare for the worst.

Besides, they were all waiting for the same thing.

The three of them perked up at the sound of Sora's door finally opening. While they hadn't looked forward to the possibility of waiting for hours or even until the next morning, at least that would have been a good sign.

They heard no screaming, shouting, crying, or words at all. Two sets of footsteps leisurely moved up the hall, together.

Texas and Sora emerged into the common room, holding hands, and looking surprised to see their boss and coworkers waiting for them.

Sora blushed, smiling wide enough to split her face in half, and tried to hide under Texas's arm. Texas reflexively hugged her tight to her side, but had to frown because she couldn't fake her customarily apathetic expression.

Everyone stood like that for a bit, not knowing what question to ask or what answer to give.

Exusiai spoke up first. “Spill! What’s going on?”

Texas had to think about it a moment more. “Sora and I are going Bison-hunting.”

Exusiai pumped her fist and cheered, Croissant sighed in relief, and the Emperor hid the relief in his own sigh with very real annoyance.

“Did it have to be Eurill’s brat?”

“Did you have a better suggestion?” Texas asked.

“I knew I shouldn’t have taken that kid on as a temp. Eurill planned this, and he’s never going to let me live it down.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for doing what you need to do. It’s lame.”

"I owe you a lot."

"You don't owe me anything. You're my employee; you work for your paycheck."

"Would you walk me down the aisle?"

An involuntary squawk leapt out of the Emperor's beak. The girls — including Texas — all struggled not to laugh at him as he tried to pretend that didn't happen. He turned his back on them.

"What do I look like, your father? You couldn't afford the rates for my time. But I suppose I could consider it a favor to the company's first employee."

"Thanks, Boss. It means a lot to me."

He twitched, stilled, then whirled around to face them again. "Well! If it means that much to you, then you're the one doing me a favor! So then you don't have to go on talking about how you owe me anything. We'd be Even Stevens."

"Right."

"Right!" He thought desperately of some way to change the subject. "Exusiai, Croissant! What are you doing still standing around and gawking? Can't you see we need to be throwing a party? Ex, go get a cake. Crois, go get the pizza!"

""Right away, Boss!"" the two said, saluting and running off.

The Emperor tried to retreat into his vinyl collection, looking for appropriately celebratory tunes, but Texas had more to say now that her coworkers had left.

"Boss, what would happen to Penguin Logistics if this works?"

He paused, but didn't turn around. Dismissively, he said, "Penguin Logistics may have started with you, but it doesn't have to end with you. Are you underestimating me? You think I can't continue to compete with Eurill just because you and Sora defected?"

"Exusiai might take her sister up on her offer."

"Of course she will," he said with casual certainty.

"Wait!" Sora cried out. "We can't all leave you at the same time!"

The Emperor sighed, gave up pretending to look at his collection, and pushed his ever-present shades to the top of his head. He waddled over to Sora and took the idol's hand in his wings, as he gave her an understanding look with his own eyes.

"Sora, I'm old as balls. Older than nomadic cities. Older than Yan. I saw the end of this game before I started it. I knew this was coming eventually, after we got back from Volsinii.

"I've had a lot of fun. You girls really made it great, and I'm looking forward to however much longer the game will last.

"Don't spoil my game by trying to keep it going into overtime. I can always find a new game to play. Heck, I've left a few old ones on the shelf to make time for you girls. But you don't have so much time, so worry about yourselves!"

Sora dropped to her knees and threw her arms around the beast-lord. "But can you still be our Emperor?"

He chuckled warmly, patted her head, and dropped his shades back over his eyes. "Babe, you can't escape my empire that easily."

====

Chapter 5: Sex and Legacy

[feuervogel]

Even if you do get paid vacation, a lot of families can't afford to go anywhere, and 80% of the country is nowhere near a beach. (By which I mean "you have to drive for 2 days straight to get to the ocean." You might have lakes closer than that, but the lake isn't the beach.)

My mom was a secretary. At one job, she was the only person who could do payroll, which was run every Wednesday (maybe Thursday? idk it was 30+ years ago) (side note: do you think she was paid commensurate with her irreplaceability? hahahhahaha lol). So when she took time off, it was always Thursday -- Tuesday so she could run payroll.

Her idea of "vacation" was basically not going to work, puttering around in the garden, or cleaning the house. Catching up on all the things she didn't have time for as a divorced mother of 2. You know. (My mom: pioneering the staycation before it was cool.)

My dad's family went to the beach (a 6-8-hour drive from us, because they didn't want to go to the one in our own state, which was still 3-4 hours depending on traffic lol, the DC metro area has always been a nightmare) somewhat regularly, I guess; the whole mess of us went to the Outer Banks for a week the summer I was 17.

My mom's siblings all had/have much better-paying jobs (with paid vacation or that pay enough that not working for a week won't ruin them) and go places and do things.

But, as I say very regularly, the US is not a civilized country.

I think adults need summer vacation. Like let's just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I'm so tired.

[sunlightandsuffering]

I can see on her first birthday with Eren, he tries to do everything that he wasn't able to last time. Mikasa is really lowkey and doesn't make a big deal out of her birthday but Eren on the other hand? It's the most important day of the year, their anniversary is the second. He has to go all out for his girl. She deserves it. Also I can see the man slathering himself in frosting and say that HE'S the birthday cake (don't worry he has an actual cake but what is Eren if not a little kinky?)

it's MIKASA'S BIRTHDAY!!!! So that means all these birthday ideas gonna come true!!!

Mikasa is happy, truly and wholly happy. It's her first birthday ever celebrating with Eren and she's so excited just tp hangout with him. A nice dinner at home, relaxed, maybe some cake or maybe they could go on a romantic walk to the bakery she likes. Blushing as she presses the key into the lock of their apartment door, the opportunities are endless.

He'd been so sweet today too, sending her about a thousnad birthday texts and checking up on her throughout the day, it's perfect. She's so happy he'd agreed to keep it lowkey, unlike their anniversary, that had not in fact been lowkey at all.

She's nervous with anticipation, a little afraid to see whats behind their apartment door but as she opens it up, she's relieved to find her boyfriend in a chefs hat running around with his apron cooking away. "Mika! My beautiful birthday girl!" He sings, putting down his oven mitts to grab her face, raining over her with kisses to her nose, eyelids, cheeks, everywhere. "Thank you Eren," she beams, dropping her bag down in the entryway, using him for balance as she takes off her boots before leaning up to give him a proper kiss.

"Watcha cookin?" Mikasa questions as Erens leads her to sit down at the barstool so she can watch him cook. "Pasta! I'm making seafood spagettini, I think it's very fancy." It smells entirely too good, he most definitely got a recipe from Carla or something.

Mikasa smiles as she watches him, he's so cute, puttering around, making sure the pasta is cooked, straining it while he keeps his eyes on the prawns.

But she wants to help, so she starts setting the table for them to which Eren protests that the birthday girl isn't allowed to lift a finger! BUt she does so anyway, all too happy, that warm feeling bubbling up inside her.

She puts the placemats out and the dishes with forks and knives before heading to the fridge to grab their pitches of water, only to be immensely confused because she can't even reach the pitcher due to the sheer number of whip cream bottles sitting in the fridge. "Umm Eren?"

"Yeah baby?" "Why did you buy so much whip cream?" She can hear him yelp and something fall and she turns to look but he stops her, "I'm fine baby, don't worry about it, umm just close the fridge I'll get the water. I umm I just thought it might be good to have some extra." Extra? There are six cannisters on the top shelf alone.

"Okay," she says suspiciously as Eren shoos her to the table, claiming the pasta is almost ready.

For the most part, after that she forgets about his weird whip cream obsession. The pasta is amazing and she gets lost praising him for it and afterwards she finds out he'd already gone to her favourite bakery and had them make special flavoured cupcakes for her. He sings her happy birthday quite dramatically, using his spatula as a microphone and it's really the greatest day ever, everything she could have asked for and more. And at night, after he tells her to go relax, he'll clean up he disappears. She's in bed, reading the new novel he got her when he wanders to the bathroom with a large bag. "Whats that babe?" "Nothing!" His voice is too high-pitched but again, she writes it off as she hears the shower start. Twenty minutes later, Mikasa finds out what was in the bag. She hears the sounds of sensual jazzy sax music, and looks around wondering if it's coming from their open window. No, it is not. Her boyfriend rather dramatically kicks the door to the bathroom open and Mikasa discovers what all the whip cream was for. She brings her hand to her mouth to stop her laughter because Eren is naked, beautifully naked save for the whip cream artfully covering his dick and two hearts around his nipples. He leans against the door, looking all to put together for the picture he currently presents, "I hope you have room for seconds Mikasa, because dessert is served." ANd then as if to punctuate the point he sprays some whip cream right into his mouth from the cannister.

Best Birthday Ever.

[jingyismom]

Another twt threadfic import! Wangxian, 9k, post-CQL getting together Explicit, No Warnings POV switches wildly at will, and LWJ gets drunk but nothing happens at that point! Proceed for humor, tension, sweetness, and spice.

Anybody else think about what would happen if post-CQL, pre-relationship wangxian were traveling and Lan Do-Not-Indulge-In-Pleasure Wangji walked in on his very good friend Wei Wuxian...

...Indulging In Pleasure?

First, he would Run. Door slammed shut. Possibly colliding with a few walls while he tries to figure out how to Get Away to Meditate Immediately.

Wei Wuxian comes after him asap to apologize. There is a lot of overlapping apologizing, and little to no eye contact.

Maybe after, though, Wei Wuxian would feel a little...frisky. And a tiny bit defensive. "Lan Zhan, everybody does it!! It's not THAT upsetting!"

Lan Wangji cuts a glare at him. "Everyone does not do it."

Wei Wuxian suddenly has a lot of new things to think about.

(This is only ONE interpretation of Lan Wangji's relationship to self-pleasure...but it's a pretty fun one imo)

Wei Wuxian can't stop thinking about it. Has Lan Wangji really never...like NEVER never...is that. How could he even ask that? He can't, right? It'd be weird.

It Eats At Him. He loses sleep.

Coincidentally, so does Lan Wangji. They both lie awake at night in their shared room, very determinedly Not Thinking About the things they have learned.

Lan Wangji recites rules for hours trying to get the image of what Wei Wuxian looks like when he's doing THAT out of his mind.

Maybe, ages after Wei Wuxian thought Lan Wangji had fallen asleep, he hears him shift. It's a small sound but Wei Wuxian knows Lan Wangji doesn't move at all when he's really out.

"Can't sleep?" He says into the dark.

Lan Wangji takes a long time to answer. He's debating pretending not to hear. "No."

Wei Wuxian sort of thinks he knows why, but isn't sure exactly WHY why...like. Is Lan Wangji freaked out and disgusted? Is he confused? Is he...intrigued?

"It's because of the rules, right?" He asks instead. "It's a Lan thing."

Again, Lan Wangji takes a long time to answer.

It is only partly true. It is a rule, in a way. At least, that's how Lan Wangji had interpreted it when he was young. But it became a mixture of habit and shame, of self-disgust. And then after Nightless City, it simply did not occur to him. His body did not seem to work that way anymore.

He can't say any of that.

"Yes." It's not entirely a lie.

The horrible inconvenience of his body working that way, again, now, is another thing entirely. He does his best to ignore it. He does not want to address it. Meditation is his best friend once again.

"I really thought you'd started bending rules," Wei Wuxian muses aloud. "That's such a...specific one to stick to."

Lan Wangji has no answer for this. He honestly agrees.

After a pause Wei Wuxian goes on. "You never even thought about it? What about if you marry? Or what if you NEVER marry?"

Even in the oddly comforting unreality of the dead of night, Lan Wangji can't begin to discuss most of this.

"You said yourself no woman would want to marry me," he deflects.

"Ugh, did I?" Wei Wuxian says. "I suppose I did. Stupid. Anybody would be crazy not to want to marry you."

The silence after this declaration is particularly loud. Wei Wuxian covers it with an awkward laugh. "Anyway, I guess you probably think it's just another way the rest of the world is...gross. And...debaucherous. Huh."

Lan Wangji hears the self-effacement in his tone. "No. It is natural."

Wei Wuxian goes silent for a long moment. "Then why the rule?"

"It is...easier," Lan Wangji struggles to merge truth with the fib. "To deny one's—it is not a question of judgment. Do not worry, Wei Ying."

Wei Wuxian huffs. "I'm not worried, Lan Zhan." Well, he's not anymore. But then he processes the rest of it. "So. Then, it's less of a rule? And...more of...a...guideline?"

Lan Wangji says nothing. He's already said too much. He should be asleep. He should have pretended he was.

Wei Wuxian doesn't know why he's pushing this so hard. He can't make his mouth stop saying words, carried forward on a tide of morbid curiosity and an abstract sense of unjust wastefulness. If Lan Wangji is going to miss out on the natural pleasures of life, he at least wants to understand.

"That's a lot of years of dedication to a not-rule," he says.

Lan Wangji is silent, again.

"Must be difficult," Wei Wuxian insists.

Lan Wangji resists the urge to say both "it isn't" and "it is."

"You're not even curious?"

Lan Wangji is not. He understands the concept. Understands the truly unsettling ferocity of his own feelings, his own desire. Understands that some things, once begun, have a way of getting under one's skin and living there. The combination of these things is unthinkable.

"You could ask, if you were," Wei Wuxian goes on, unperturbed. "I don't mind."

This is not what Lan Wangji thought he meant. His mind is suddenly bursting with the most inappropriate of questions: mainly, horribly, "What do you think of, when you do it?"

"I would not," he manages to say.

"No, you wouldn't, would you," Wei Wuxian concedes. He is aware, distantly, that he is trying to cover up the acute awkwardness of being caught with his dick out with the hazier, less severe awkwardness of talking too much. It doesn't stop him. "You're not made of jade, but you do like to pretend you are."

He knows, immediately, even before Lan Wangji's sharp intake of breath, that he's said the wrong thing.

"Ah, Lan Zhan, I didn't mean that. I didn't." The silence is accusing, unforgiving. "I'm sorry. That was wrong."

Lan Wangji just lies there, silently blindsided. This is how Wei Wuxian sees him. Not as the bloodless statue of a man others see, but as a man desperately trying to realize that vision. And this...all of this, has only reinforced it.

"No," he says quietly. "You are right. It is easier."

"You keep saying that," Wei Wuxian says after a thoughtful silence. "Easier than what?"

This, Lan Wangji does not have the words to explain. There is no way to encompass the depth and breadth of it.

"It is time for sleep," he says.

Wei Wuxian chuckles darkly. "It was time for sleep ages ago. But alright. I can take a hint."

Neither of them sleep.

~~~

Days pass, and they do not speak of the incident again, though neither of them find themselves capable of forgetting it. The next time it comes up is completely by virtue of a series of accidents.

At dinner Wei Wuxian, in the habit of adding more food to Lan Wangji's bowl every time Lan Wangji adds some to his, does so without looking at what he is doing. When Lan Wangji hurries to douse the fire on his tongue with water, the nearest cup to his grasp contains something else entirely.

Wei Wuxian fortunately catches him before his head hits the table, this time.

When he wakes, bleary and unsteady, Wei Wuxian hustles him up and over to the stairs before he can get loose and wreak havoc. He learned his lesson the last time.

He helps Lan Wangji up to their room with an arm around his waist, and it's necessary but still feels a little bit like a violation. Lan Wangji does not like to be touched. It is probably a blessing that he won't remember this come morning.

Wei Wuxian is proud that they only stumble once before he figures out how to hold up the hems of both their robes with his one free hand, even with the distracting, warm weight of Lan Wangji's head on his shoulder. Once in the room, however, Wei Wuxian begins to regret his strategy of supervised confinement. There is nothing to do but sit while Lan Wangji stares at him, unfocused but intent.

"Lan Zhan...are you in there?"

Lan Wangji nods but doesn't break his stare. The room feels uncomfortably warm.

Wei Wuxian rolls his head back to look at the ceiling. Maybe a couple of petty crimes are worth ending this...but no. It wouldn't do to have rumors of Hanguang-jun vandalizing farms across the land. As funny as it would be, it wouldn't do at all. Wei Wuxian groans.

He stands and begins to putter around the room, pacing when that fails. Lan Wangji watches him with his silent, heavy gaze. The room really is far too warm.

Wei Wuxian unbuckles his belt to get rid of his thick outermost layer. Lan Wangji makes a small noise and laboriously turns himself around to face the wall.

"Lan Zhan? You alright?"

"Mn," comes the reply, with an exaggerated nod.

"What are you looking at over there?" He's irrationally half afraid Lan Wangji could start hallucinating.

"Away."

"A what?"

"Looking away."

"From?"

Lan Wangji glances over his shoulder, slow and shy, his heavy-lidded eyes falling on Wei Wuxian's hands at his belt.

The room gets warmer.

"Ah...hahaha...Lan Zhan. I'm just feeling a little hot, okay? Don't spit blood."

He takes off his belt. Lan Wangji faces the wall. When he shrugs off his long, thick vest, Lan Wangji starts wobbling, and it takes Wei Wuxian a confused minute before he realizes he's trying to stand up. He rushes to help.

"What now??"

"Leaving."

Wei Wuxian sighs. It has begun.

"You can't leave, Lan Zhan, it's late. Where will you go?"

"Outside." He's tugging insistently against the hand holding onto his arm.

"Okay," Wei Wuxian relents. He does sort of want to get out of this room. Get some fresh air. "Alright. Let's go."

Lan Wangji makes a distressed noise and tears his arm away. "Alone."

Wei Wuxian stares. "You can't—why?"

"Privacy."

"You—what do you need—" Wei Wuxian deliberately drops the question. "Sorry, Lan Zhan, you can have privacy in here, OR you can go outside. Not both."

Lan Wangji pouts. It's horrible. Wei Wuxian is not equipped to handle it. He opens his mouth to distract him.

Lan Wangji speaks first. "Not me. You."

"Me what?"

"Privacy."

Wei Wuxian's brain stalls, unable to follow Lan Wangji's logic. "What for?"

Lan Wangji makes a gesture at him that manages to be sloppy, elegant, and vaguely suggestive all at once. Wei Wuxian's face heats.

"I'm--I'm not. Doing. I wasn't going to do anything, Lan Zhan. I was just taking off one layer, see? To be more comfortable."

Lan Wangji blinks, unfocused, and sways. He's silent long enough that Wei Wuxian starts to relax and hope that he might just fall asleep. Which would be a blessing, given how difficult his heavy stare and softly parted lips are making it for Wei Wuxian not to Think Bad Thoughts.

Lan Wangji, however, is trying very hard to think thoughts with very limited success.

"Why?"

Wei Wuxian frowns at him. Which is bad.

"Why not?" He tries again. His words are not very good at present.

"Why am I not comfortable? It's a warm night."

Wei Wuxian is speaking slowly, like Lan Wangji is a child who does not understand such things. Lan Wangji frowns. He understands plenty.

He shakes his head and makes the motion again, the one Wei Wuxian understood. "Why not?"

Wei Wuxian is silent a long while, his face screwed up strangely. Lan Wangji wants to pat it smooth but knows he should not.

"It's..hah, Lan Zhan, it's not like people are always...you're not always...in the mood, you know?"

Lan Wangji does not know. He cannot, at this moment, conceive of not being at least slightly aroused. And besides there is nothing different now from the time he had seen—no, he does not think of that.

"Why?"

Wei Wuxian sighs. He almost looks sad. That's bad.

"Sometimes you're thinking of other things, or busy, or lonely, or..."

Wei Wuxian keeps speaking, but Lan Wangji has stopped listening. Wei Wuxian need not be lonely. He is here. He can help. He can help with this and Wei Wuxian will stop looking sad.

"Not alone," he says. "’M here."

Wei Wuxian stops talking, and smiles at him. Good.

"That's true."

Lan Wangji nods. Good. Wei Wuxian smiles some more, and shakes his head.

"Don't you think it's time to go to bed, Lan Zhan?"

Lan Wangji's ears heat. He would like to. He did not expect Wei Wuxian to ask. He nods and takes Wei Wuxian's wrist, pulling him toward the bed. Wei Wuxian makes an odd sound when they get there, and Lan Wangji looks down at where he's holding onto him, to make sure his grip is not too tight.

"Lan Zhan, I'm not sleepy," Wei Wuxian says. "You can...you can sleep though."

Lan Wangji stares at him with that same, open-mouthed stare. Wei Wuxian's own mouth is very dry.

"Not sleepy."

"Okay," says Wei Wuxian, jittery. "Maybe. You could just try lying down. And see if you get sleepy."

Lan Wangji looks at the bed. And then looks at Wei Wuxian.

"Not sleepy."

"...Okay."

Lan Wangji tugs on Wei Wuxian's wrist. Wei Wuxian's stomach lurches. He clears his throat.

"What is it?"

Unsteadily, Lan Wangji turns toward him. He reaches for the ties of Wei Wuxian's robes.

Wei Wuxian grabs his wrists and holds them away from himself as if they're on fire. A nervous laugh fights its way out of his mouth.

"Ah, Lan Zhan, I...I'm good. I'm not warm anymore. I'm fine. Happy. Like this. Okay?"

"Happy," Lan Wangji repeats.

"Yeah."

Lan Wangji seems to consider this.

Eventually, he relents, and goes to sleep.

Wei Wuxian sits up all night wondering if Lan Wangji was actually trying to do what it seemed like he was trying to do, and what it might mean if he was.

~~~

The time after that, it is Wei Wuxian's fault entirely.

It has been three days since Lan Wangji's accidental drunken night, and Wei Wuxian can't stop thinking about the intent in his drowsy gaze, or the brief second Lan Wangji's hands were at his waist. Every night when they go to bed, the room, the inn, are different. But the tension created in his spine by the memory of wanting and being so close but so far, is the same.

Wei Wuxian wants to drink.

But he knows that he probably should not under any circumstances get tipsy alone with Lan Wangji if he wants to preserve their friendship. So drinking is out. But he needs...he feels like he's going crazy. He needs some kind of...release. And it's been days, he's been too keyed up to try jerking off since The Incident. Plus Lan Wangji has just always been nearby. Which is great, actually, he would gladly go on forever this way, but it's also not ideal when being around him at all has been getting him half hard with no way to take care of it.

But they're two mature adults. They fight monsters every day. Wei Wuxian has been dead for crying out loud. It shouldn't be hard to ask for some privacy. It's understandable that he should need some, sometimes. Lan Wangji had seemed to understand even when he was drunk out of his mind. Of course he understands—Wei Wuxian has only gone a few days and he's starting to fray, imagine Lan Wangji going all these years without. Imagine if he ever did...it

would probably be. It'd probably be...really...

He doesn't think about it. He doesn't ask.

He decides to sneak off into the woods, instead. Except, when he gets up to leave, Lan Wangji gets up as well.

"Ah...are you. Going out too?" Wei Wuxian asks.

Lan Wangji blinks at him, and backs up a step in that unconscious way of his. "Apologies. I assumed, from the hour, that you had deemed it was time for us to eat."

"Oh. We could do that."

Lan Wangji shakes his head. "I would not infringe on your plans."

Wei Wuxian cringes internally. "You're not. I was just...I was just. Going. Out. To...to walk."

Lan Wangji stares at him with new suspicion. Wei Wuxian crumbles.

"I needed some privacy."

Lan Wangji's ears heat, and his eyes slip to the ground. "I see."

Wei Wuxian turns as if to leave again, and suddenly Lan Wangji realizes that he has nowhere to go.

"Stay. I will go."

"Ah, you don't have to, Lan Zhan, don't worry about it."

"Nonsense. It is more comfortable here."

He barely gets through the sentence once it registers what he is saying. What they are discussing happening in this room. His ears are on fire.

"Yeah which is why you should just stay here, comfortable."

Lan Wangji shakes his head and moves to brush past him.

"Or we could both say."

Wei Wuxian has no idea what makes him say it. He's playing with fire, and this was not the plan. But he keeps hearing Lan Wangji's sad voice saying it is easier. The loneliness in it. A twisted part of him doesn't want Lan Wangji to be left out in the cold. Literally or metaphorically.

Lan Wangji has frozen. He does not know what Wei Wuxian is suggesting. Does not want to assume. Does not want to even entertain the idea that he might mean—

"I don't mind if you don't," Wei Wuxian goes on.

Mind? Lan Wangji does not mind. That is not the cause of the white noise now roaring in his head.

"It's up to you. We both stay, or I can go,” says Wei Wuxian.

It is childishly manipulative, transparently so. On reflex, Lan Wangji cuts a glare at him, but quickly looks away. It feels lewd to look at him at all, just now.

"You could...play a song, or something, if..."

Lan Wangji has to look at him then. He wants him to play for him while he...while he...

Wei Wuxian's face scrunches up. "That...that's probably. This is probably weird. You probably don't want to be aware of—this was weird. Forget it. You can go, I can go. I just thought you might not mind, since—"

He cuts off as if he's said something he didn't mean to.

"Since?" Lan Wangji prompts. He has no idea where the sentence was meant to lead.

"Ah..." Wei Wuxian rubs the back of his head. "That night you drank my wine," he starts.

Lan Wangji's stomach drops.

"Ah, it's nothing bad!" Wei Wuxian hurries to say. "Don't look so upset."

"What did I say?"

Wei Wuxian has been acting distant the last few days. This explains everything. He must have said something untoward. Unacceptable.

"You didn't really say anything much."

Lan Wangji's alarm heightens.

"Did I—do—"

"Don't worry!" Wei Wuxian almost shouts. He can't handle the stricken expression on Lan Wangji's usually calm face. "You didn't do anything bad."

"Then what—"

"You...sort of. You. You wanted to help, is all."

Lan Wangji's eyes widen further. He looks absolutely horrified. Wei Wuxian wants to kick himself.

"I—it wasn't—"

Except it was sort of like that. But not in...not in a bad way. It was sort of...weirdly cute. He doesn't think he can say that. He takes a deep breath.

"It wasn't bad. Nothing happened. You just seemed...you weren't upset by the concept."

Lan Wangji stares at him.

"...But you clearly are now, so."

There is a long, awkward silence. Lan Wangji stares hard at the wall.

"It does not upset me," he hazards. He wants to be clear on this. Does not want Wei Wuxian to think him judgmental, or a prude.

"Okay."

"It is natural to require privacy for such things."

"Yes."

"Therefore I shall leave you."

"...If you like."

That strange opening, once again. The offer to...to share space, while he—

"What would you like?" Lan Wangji finds himself saying. His breath leaves him with the words.

"I'd like to know what really keeps you from doing it, even now."

Lan Wangji looks at him, shocked.

"If you just didn't want to, or didn't feel like it, that would be one thing," he goes on, "but that's not what you said."

Lan Wangji curses himself for speaking so freely, that night. "Why does it matter?"

Wei Wuxian frowns at him, thinking.

"Because sometimes, I think you find little ways to punish yourself. You don't deserve that. Especially not like this."

It feels like a physical strike, and Lan Wangji flinches from it. The worst part of it is that it might even be true.

"Pot. Kettle. Black," he counters.

Wei Wuxian huffs. "That's fair. Yeah, that's fair."

"So is your point," Lan Wangji is forced to concede. "Possibly."

Wei Wuxian's eyebrows shoot up. "Well, that...that's unfortunate."

"If you say so."

"We should do something about it."

The both of them go very still.

Wei Wuxian did not mean it to sound like such a pointed suggestion.

Lan Wangji does not know what to do with it.

Wei Wuxian laughs again, but it trails off pitifully.

"I didn't mean—" he starts at the same time Lan Wangji says,

"Alright."

They both snap their mouths shut.

Lan Wangji knows he has said the wrong thing, now. Knows he has given away a weakness, read the wrong thing into their situation, making it hopelessly awkward between them at last.

Wei Wuxian takes stock. It's rare for Lan Wangji to express himself like this. He can't shoot him down. He can't let that wounded look stay on his face.

"You could try it," he says. "I could...whatever you need." That sounds wrong. He tries again. "I could answer...questions. Or I could. Be moral support." Everything he says sounds stupid.

Lan Wangji is turning slowly pink. It's extremely fetching. Wei Wuxian can't help but try to deepen the shade, an old reflex.

"I could show you how."

It's a joke, and it's not. He meant to tease, probably. It did not come out that way at all. He can't take it back.

Lan Wangji thinks he should probably feel patronized, but his heart is thudding too hard for him to think clearly. He should say no. Of course he should. He knows what this would do to him, knows he would never be able to look at Wei Wuxian the same. He is already tortured constantly by the glimpse he accidentally stole. This would make things exponentially worse.

But at the same time, contrary to popular belief, he is only a man. How is he to deny something so close to what he has always wanted, freely given? No matter that it means nothing. He cannot quite refuse outright.

"I understand the mechanics," he says instead. Neither a yes nor a no.

Wei Wuxian smiles crookedly. "There's a little more to it than that."

This is somewhat of a genuine surprise. It must show on his face.

"Tips and tricks," Wei Wuxian says, "I know a few."

Lan Wangji can feel his face flushing now, hot and likely obvious. It is not a usual occurrence.

"I've had way more practice than you, you have to admit."

Lan Wangji generally tries not to think of it. "I suppose."

"Ah, Lan Zhan, are you mad there's something I'm better at than you?"

"Of course not," Lan Wangji replies, automatic. "You are very skilled at many things."

Wei Wuxian is grinning at him now. It feels more natural. He realizes he's been baited into relaxing somewhat.

"Alright," says Wei Wuxian, his grin fading a little, "if it's too awkward, then forget it. But the offer stands."

Lan Wangji feels very much pulled along by Wei Wuxian's current. It is a familiar feeling. He does the only thing he knows how to do any longer: he gives in.

"Alright."

Wei Wuxian blinks. In absolutely no part of his mind had he expected Lan Wangji to accept. He doesn't know what he thought. He wasn't actually thinking.

And now...

He. Well. Now he has to do as he said he would.

"Alright," he echoes back. "I...then. Alright."

It should be easy, in a sense. Once he'd become an official Jiang disciple and entered the dorms, it had become a necessity to tune out the presence of other people. But other people aren't Lan Wangji. And he can't remember anyone ever watching. That's certainly...something else. 

He goes back into the bedroom, stripping off layers as he goes. He leaves most of them on—he's pretty sure this isn't supposed to be that kind of show.

Unless it is.

But it's not.

He turns to find Lan Wangji hovering, eyes averted, very much visibly embarrassed, and he has a very genius, very stupid idea.

As a teacher, he has come to appreciate that interactive learning is a powerful tool.

"Lan Zhan," he says, "learning by doing works best, sometimes."

"That is true," Lan Wangji says slowly.

Wei Wuxian shrugs. "Just an idea."

"Clarify." He does not want to misunderstand again.

Wei Wuxian fights his own blush at being made to say it. "We could do it at the same time. I could show you and you could try it. That way I could...you could. It might help."

Help what, he's not sure. He knows how all of this sounds. And yet here they are. He just can't stop himself.

Lan Wangji is having trouble deciding which of Wei Wuxian's suggestions should be accepted and which should be dismissed. He is unversed in what parts of this might cross the line of friendship.

But Wei Wuxian is offering. And in a deep, secret place, deeper even than his hopeless love, a part of him not only wants to see Wei Wuxian this way, but wants to be seen by him. He wants Wei Wuxian to have this part of him, whether he would care to keep it or not. He wants to give it to him more than he wants to have it himself.

"How?"

Wei Wuxian has once again not thought that far ahead. He scans the room, mind scrambling.

"Well. I...could sit. Here. And then you could also...you could sit."

He's staring at his bed, trying to think of a way this is not just him asking Lan Wangji to climb into bed with him. It occurs to him that's what he's been doing this entire time. He almost panics, but then...

Lan Wangji has been agreeing.

He looks at him again. Really looks. He's embarrassed, yes. A little lost. But underneath that, he looks determined.

For whatever reason, Lan Wangji wants this.

It settles the disquiet in Wei Wuxian. There's something Lan Wangji needs, here, and he's in a position to figure out how to let him have it. That's as worthy a cause as any.

"Get comfortable first," he says. "No Hanguang-jun allowed, this lesson is for Lan Zhan only."

Lan Wangji reaches up to take down his elaborate set of hair ornaments, and Wei Wuxian turns to consider the bed. It doesn't look very comfortable to lean on any part of it, so sitting is probably not ideal. It might be a hard sell, but he sees only one option.

"Lan Zhan—"

Lan Wangji is standing behind him, undone and soft. Smaller, without his tall hair and his billowing layers. Vulnerable. Wei Wuxian's heart does something complicated but familiar, and then picks up its pace. He'll have to tread carefully. To be careful with him.

"We'll just lie down first," he says. "Get used to that and go from there."

He expects A Look at the concept of getting used to lying down. But Lan Wangji only nods at the floorboards.

It's a little bit heartbreaking. Wei Wuxian is fairly certain a comforting touch wouldn't help. He stretches out and shimmies over to the side, as far as he can go to leave room. Lan Wangji only hesitates a moment before following suit. It's unfair how graceful he is, even in moments like this.

"Alright?" Wei Wuxian keeps his voice as soft and unobtrusive as he can.

Lan Wangji nods at the ceiling this time, his hands folded over his chest as if ready for sleep.

"It's really not a big deal, once you're used to it," he says, letting his mouth run. "It's like eating, or playing music. You figure out the ways you like to do it, and

try to get better at them." 

He feels silly, giving a lecture on this, but he thinks the chatter is having the desired calming effect. Lan Wangji's breathing looks deeper. More even. But maybe he shouldn't be staring at him so much just now.

He turns to the ceiling, too.

"It's good to start slowly," he says. "Relax, get your body tuned into touch the way you want it to be. Don't just dive straight in."

There is a beat of silence, of stillness.

He actually has to do this now.

He takes a breath and pulls open his robes. Sets a hand on bare skin.

"Like this."

Lan Wangji can barely hear him over the rushing, pounding blood in his ears, in his mind, in his everywhere. He is aware of movement beside him, and the awareness that Wei Wuxian is undressing further, is bare, is touching himself, floods him with something like burning slush.

"Whenever you're ready," Wei Wuxian says, and the rustle of fabric sounds lewd in the silence. "Just touch your stomach or something. Ground yourself."

Hastily, jerkily, Lan Wangji unties his robes and tunic, opening them just enough to lay fingertips on flesh. 

He cannot get enough air.

"When that feels nice, you can try something else. Like finding other places that feel particularly good. You know."

Lan Wangji has vague ideas. He does not really know. Does not think he could find them now, like this, strung so tightly.

"And whenever you feel like it, you can move on to more things. Or even The Thing, depending on how it feels."

Lan Wangji hears the slide of skin on skin. Hears Wei Wuxian's hand moving lower. The displacement of the waistband of his trousers.

He has never been so hard in his life. He wonders if it is possible to die from such a thing. He feels as if he might.

"How is it?" Wei Wuxian asks. His voice is breathier than it was a moment ago.

Lan Wangji feels dampness bloom in his own trousers. He clenches his fists and shuts his eyes.

"Lan Zhan?"

Wei Wuxian glances over, and sees the pained look on Lan Wangji's face. He stops the light, tentative touch he's been using on himself.

"What is it?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head. Wei Wuxian frowns.

"We can stop this right now," he says. "I'm sorry if I pushed it too far. I..."

"No," says Lan Wangji. "You did not. It is not your fault. I should not have agreed."

"Why not?"

Lan Wangji does not know where to begin.

"I should have known I would not be able to."

Wei Wuxian considers this. "There's nothing wrong with not being able to...perform. Under pressure. That—"

Reflexively, he glances down at him, and learns with immediate, brain-melting clarity that performance is not the issue. The sight chokes off the rest of his words. He tries to compose himself. He’s supposed to be helping, not panting like a dog. That's just taking advantage.

"Or. Ah...Do you feel like trying to tell me what the problem is?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head and blows out a frustrated breath. "I am sorry."

"Don't apologize," Wei Wuxian says, resisting the guilt that wants to spring on him. He can troubleshoot this. It's Lan Zhan. He deserves to feel good. "Is it just because I'm here? I can go."

"No," Lan Wangji says quickly. "I will go."

"Lan Zhan..." Wei Wuxian says gently. "You can't go out in public like that."

Lan Wangji knows this. And he has had this problem before, to a lesser extent. He is very good at getting rid of it. Only just now, with Wei Wuxian's warmth palpable beside him, he finds himself unable to concentrate. 

Embarrassment and frustration are rolling off of Lan Wangji in waves. Wei Wuxian casts about, desperate for a solution to the distress he has inadvertently caused.

"Lan Zhan, relax. It's only me. We have time to figure it out. Take a deep breath."

Lan Wangji breathes. It shudders out of him.

"Can I help?" Wei Wuxian asks.

He means it in a general way.

Lan Wangji's eyes snap open and fix him with a disbelieving stare, and he hears, then, how it sounded.

But Lan Wangji looks so...helpless. Almost pleading.

He doubles down.

"Let me help."

Lan Wangji stares at him with confusion just on the edge of fear. Wei Wuxian reaches out to hover a hand over his arm.

"Can I touch you?"

He sees Lan Wangji's throat bob as he swallows hard. He gives the slightest of nods. Wei Wuxian presses down on his bicep in what he hopes is a comforting way, and sweeps his thumb back and forth. Lan Wangji is so warm, even through his remaining layers.

"It's only me," Wei Wuxian says again. He runs his hand down to the fist curled tightly on Lan Wangji's stomach and gently pries it open. He wraps his fingers around his hand and rubs the back of it with his thumb until it relaxes. "It's just us. You trust me, and I trust you, right? Nothing to worry about."

Every word Wei Wuxian says is like another blade to Lan Wangji's gut. He should not be allowing this. In the name of trust, he should not let Wei Wuxian touch him with kindness, with the assumption of pure friendship. He should stop this.

But Wei Wuxian's hand is warm on his. A gesture so simple, reducing Lan Wangji to a hopeless, lovestruck fool. He cannot pull away from it. He could not bear to.

But then Wei Wuxian is moving their hands to rest on the bed between them, and letting go. He slides his hand back up Lan Wangji's arm to his shoulder, then down just slightly. Almost to his chest. Lan Wangji cannot breathe.

Wei Wuxian goes up on an elbow, looking down at him. His robes fall open just slightly, revealing a slice of skin. Lan Wangji looks away.

"Can I show you?" Wei Wuxian asks softly. His hand is a heavy weight. He is asking...he is asking to...

Lan Wangji should say no.

He cannot say it.

He nods. 

When Wei Wuxian's hand moves, when it slides to the center of his chest and beneath the fabric there, Lan Wangji closes his eyes. The first touch is a shock. With considerable effort, he does not flinch. He does not gasp. He keeps still and quiet as the small, shivery waves of sensation roll across his body, growing and fading as more of Wei Wuxian's hand comes in contact with his skin. It rests there, then, and Lan Wangji is grateful for the pause. He needs it to calm himself, to keep from shaking out of his body and into the ether.

But then it begins to move, a slow caress, and Lan Wangji feels all of his hair stand on end.

He did not know touch could feel like this.

"Alright?" Wei Wuxian asks, his hand petting up and down the center of Lan Wangji's chest, gradually widening into oblong circles.

The bright softness of it is beginning to overwhelm Lan Wangji, the sharp awareness it brings to his body unfamiliar and heady. He nods.

They have come this far. He does not know what it would do to him to stop, now. The only way out is through.

Wei Wuxian brushes his fingers out deliberately farther, catching across a nipple. Lan Wangji does not manage to stop his shocked intake of breath at the difference in feeling, at the very pointed, very intense pleasure. Wei Wuxian circles his fingertips almost casually, and does it again. As if it is directly connected, his cock jerks, the damp spot in his trouser spreading. Again, and he clenches his teeth against the sounds working up in his throat.

"Is that too much?" Wei Wuxian asks. He feels unsteady, jittery with adrenaline and determination. He can't believe Lan Wangji is letting him do this. He knows he has to make the most of this one chance.

Lan Wangji shakes his head, and Wei Wuxian gives his nipple a gentle squeeze. At that, Lan Wangji does gasp quietly, his hands fisting tight in the bedding.

"Enough," he forces out, hoarse.

Wei Wuxian's fingers still. "You want—you want me to—"

Lan Wangji nods, his skin flushed with embarrassment and arousal in equal parts. Wei Wuxian moves his hand to rest low on Lan Wangji's stomach, and all his muscles jump and tense in response. It is too intimate, this touch, somehow. More intimate than the others. His cock aches, and leaks, and he is nearly tempted to take it in hand himself. But he is paralyzed still by fearful embarrassment, and now also by his ferocious desire, empowered by all this unexpected fulfillment of distant, illicit hopes.

He waits.

"Lan Zhan, look at me," Wei Wuxian murmurs. He doesn't think he can do this without looking into his eyes and knowing he's really alright.

Lan Wangji's eyes open with a flutter of dark lashes, and their darkness, their intensity, shocks straight through to Wei Wuxian's own arousal. He had expected discomfort and uncertainty. The nerves are there, the slight fear, too, and the embarrassment, yes. But these are nearly subsumed by stormy, determined desire.

Wei Wuxian sees now, he thinks, what Lan Wangji meant. How simply not giving in to the slightest temptation might prove easier than keeping such fierce feeling leashed. He had not realized Lan Wangji might contain such heat, such extraordinary worldly needfulness.

It's insanely arousing. Wei Wuxian struggles not to fall upon him and ravish him on the best of days, but this...

He clears his throat. "Ready?"

Eyes still locked on Wei Wuxian's, Lan Wangji nods, clear and careful. Wei Wuxian slips his hand down, beneath his waistband, immediately hot and slick. He can feel Lan Wangji's hard muscles twitching beneath smooth skin and coarse hair. He lifts his fingers to skim his knuckles along his length, and holds back a shiver. Lan Wangji is hard, and hot, and smooth as silk. And big. Really big.

Wei Wuxian's mouth waters, and that is...a new response to this type of information. He files it away to think about never again.

Lan Wangji can only breathe in short, shallow pants. The light touch is driving him to distraction, too much and not nearly enough. His hips jerk unconsciously. His focus, his restraint, is beginning to drift out of his grasp.

Wei Wuxian wraps his hand around him loosely, and strokes him once from root to tip.

A long breath shudders out of him along with a small, pained sound he does not mean to make. He shuts his eyes tight, but then Wei Wuxian lets go. Lan Wangji makes another sound. Quieter, yet more embarrassing.

"Not enough room," Wei Wuxian says, his hand flat on Lan Wangji's stomach, between his hips.

Lan Wangji does not understand how a touch that was so overwhelming a moment ago could be so grounding now. He is able to fill his lungs easier, for a moment, even though he aches for the touch to return.

"These—can I—” Wei Wuxian tugs at his trousers.

Lan Wangji nods without looking, without thinking. He does not care. Not now.

Wei Wuxian shoves them down. Lan Wangji knows he is shifting, straining for him, but cannot do anything to stop. He is bare and pleading, and he finds he cannot mind at all.

Wei Wuxian knows he shouldn't stare, but it really is impossible not to. Lan Wangji's cock is huge, beautiful, and dark with need. It looks almost painful, honestly, and Wei Wuxian very purposely does not think about how that might be particularly turning him on. Instead he does what he's here to do. He helps.

He touches him gently at first, then more firmly, each stroke coaxing another pulse of precome from his tip. Wei Wuxian didn't even know you could get this wet. But then, he hasn't really taken stock of the state of his own trousers. All of this is very new. He's honestly happy to be surprised.

Lan Wangji is shifting under his hand, breath erratic and noisy, his face contracted in an ecstatic, agonized expression. It's so beautiful Wei Wuxian wishes he could paint it. Wishes he could paint it across the backs of his own eyes and look at it forever.

"Come on, Lan Zhan," he hears himself saying. His voice sounds like a stranger's. "That's good, just let go."

Lan Wangji groans. It's low, and quiet, but it makes Wei Wuxian's cock twitch so hard he gasps.

"Come on," he breathes. "That's right."

Lan Wangji tosses his head to the side and gasps, then visibly bites back another noise. Wei Wuxian tightens his grip and focuses on twisting his hand at the right time, adding and releasing pressure in the right places.

Lan Wangji cuts off a louder sound, sweat breaking out across his skin.

"Wei Ying," he murmurs then, as if dreaming.

Wei Wuxian knows he will be hearing it in his own dreams for the rest of his life.

With one more aborted cry, Lan Wangji's perfectly muscled stomach tenses up in a shallow crescent, and he comes. Head thrown back, throat working with the ragged sounds forced through it. He comes, and comes. Wei Wuxian has never seen this much come in his life. He strokes him, and pulls him through it for what seems like forever. Finally, he quiets, and the ribbons of white shorten and then cease entirely.

Lan Wangji's breaths come hitched and wet, almost like little sobs. Wei Wuxian stares. His mind is entirely, screamingly blank.

At length, Lan Wangji's eyes blink open and look at him with bleary shock. He looks drunk. He looks fucked out. He looks incredible. His eyes are big and damp, his mouth full and red and open. Wei Wuxian wants to—but no. He can't, because—but then Lan Wangji's gaze cuts down to Wei Wuxian's lips, and—

Wei Wuxian leans down and crashes their mouths together. No finesse, no care, no gentleness. He just needs to taste him, to feel him.

Lan Wangji makes a soft, wanting sound and kisses back, sluggish but no less enthusiastic for it. He grabs him with both hands and holds on tight. Wei Wuxian licks into his mouth, hot and soft and insistent, and Lan Wangji hears himself make another awful sound. He tries to keep up, wants distantly to be good at this, feels as if maybe, somehow, if he were, he might be allowed to have it again.

This need collides with the more present one to feel the give of Wei Wuxian's lower lip between his teeth.

Wei Wuxian is the one to make a sound now, sudden and cut-off but needful nonetheless. His fingers dig into Lan Wangji's waist, slippery with come. This combination reawakens Lan Wangji's briefly calmed desire. Now that the dam has burst, he finds himself wanting all sorts of filthy things, most urgently for Wei Wuxian's spend to mix with his own on his skin.

He tries to focus on the kiss. Tries to make Wei Wuxian make that sound again.

Wei Wuxian is losing the struggle not to rut against Lan Wangji's hip. This all started because he was already going out of his mind, and now that the barrier between them has crumbled, what he has wanted hopelessly and what he needs immediately have become the same thing.

"Lan Zhan," he pants against his open mouth, "I...I need. Can I—"

Lan Wangji's fingers dig into his arms. "Yes." His voice is low and shredded. It's so hot Wei Wuxian is surprised he doesn't just come from the sound. "Please."

"Oh, fuck," Wei Wuxian mumbles, and fumbles his trousers down.

He gets a hand around himself—the same hand, still wet, and fuck, oh fuck—but Lan Wangji puts an arm around him and pulls him close, against his side. He sees, out of the corner of his eye, that Lan Wangji is—he's still—

They lock eyes. Wei Wuxian swallows hard. "Do you...do you still need..."

Lan Wangji blinks rapidly, then nods mutely.

He does not actually know. He has no idea what he needs, other than to see what Wei Wuxian might do next.

What he does is push himself up, thighs astride Lan Wangji's hips.

Lan Wangji is not prepared for it. All his breath leaves him once more.

"Is this—too much?" Wei Wuxian asks, leaning over him, breathing hard, pink with his own flush.

Lan Wangji tries not to do anything too extreme, like gripping Wei Wuxian's bare, muscled thighs with both hands.

"It is not," he manages roughly.

Wei Wuxian grinds down against him, and his curse is drowned out by Lan Wangji's sudden, anguished oh.

"Is it—Lan Zhan—is it—"

Lan Wangji's hands are fisted tightly in the bedding, his eyes squeezed shut and turned away. The pale column of his throat is exposed, tense and lovely.

"Please," he breathes.

"Oh, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian chides softly, an odd pang in his chest. "It's alright."

He brushes damp hair from Lan Wangji's face, careful not to touch his ribbon. He leans down close and kisses the corner of his mouth. He's so perfect. Wei Wuxian hates to see him seem so conflicted about something so good.

"You can let go," he says again. He doesn't know how to make him understand. "With me, you can, if you want to. I want you to. I really...if you need—whatever you want. I'm here."

As he speaks, he can't seem to stop his hips from moving, little catches of almost-friction between their cocks making Lan Wangji's breath hitch beneath him.

He doesn't know what he's doing. He could be ruining everything. But he can't stop. He's never been this close to anyone, or wanted anyone this much. And it's not anyone, it's Lan Zhan. He wants him. He wants to make him feel good. He wants to be the person to do that. Preferably forever, but he'll take just this for as long as he can have it.

He kisses Lan Wangji's jaw, his perfect throat.

"Is this good? Do you want it?" He has to ask.

"Yes."

Breathless, the both of them undone. He kisses farther down.

"Do you...do you want to touch me too?" He tries not to sound too hopeful.

A pause, then the hoarse reply. "Yes."

"Then touch me."

Another pause. Hesitant fingertips at his knee, sliding upward. The barest touch of a palm on his thigh. He places his own hand over it and presses it down.

"Hold on," he says.

Then he thrusts against him and bites down gently at the same time.

Lan Wangji grips him hard and gasps, chest heaving against Wei Wuxian's.

"Yeah," Wei Wuxian goads, thrusting again. It feels so good. It feels better than anything he's imagined. "Yeah, like this, Lan Zhan, oh fuck."

It's incredible, and yet he needs more. He does his best to line them up and take them both in hand, but his hand is only so big, and between the two of them he's pleased to say neither of them would be considered small. He tries though, and it's almost perfect. Lan Wangji beneath him, writhing and panting, his helpless little noises and upward thrusts. The slick drag between them as he holds them together. He knows he's not going to last, but he almost doesn't care. The best part is watching him.

Lan Wangji is coming apart. He is reduced to sensation, overcome entirely by the sharpness, the omnipresence of pleasure. The only thing anchoring him to the world is Wei Wuxian's soft voice in his ear, Wei Wuxian's hands on his body. He has no idea if a second release is possible, but for now he is blissfully, mindlessly tossed in the ceaseless current.

He is aware of Wei Wuxian taking his hand and moving it, and then the hot, slick mess of them pressed together in his hand.

"Ah," Wei Wuxian pants against him. "That's—good. Together, like this—oh, fuck, Lan Zhan, your hand is—I—"

He groans right under Lan Wangji's ear, and it's so obscene, so honest, that Lan Wangji's climax drags him under with no warning. It feels like every vein, every nerve bursting, filling his limbs, his mind, his mouth with something bittersweet. Like something breaking in him beyond repair.

Lan Wangji moans, long and low and pleading, as he comes. The sound, the sight, the tightening of his hand around them, are all too much. It sends Wei Wuxian over the edge after him, jolting and groaning. He looks down to watch, awed where he might've thought he should be disgusted. In the height of it, he wants to smear his hands through their spend on Lan Wangji's perfect skin, to paint their names in it.

He doesn't do that. This has already pushed through too many boundaries. He collapses into the mess instead, an unsubtle compromise, and then finds himself too weak to move.

When the euphoria fades, it hits him. What they've just done. What he's done, really. Mad with want and lacking any impulse control whatsoever, he may have just done what demonic cultivation and 16 years of absence couldn't manage. He may have just driven Lan Wangji out of his life for good. He...he thinks, probably, the effect won't be quite that drastic. But he's suddenly afraid it could be.

Lan Wangji comes back to himself warm and pleasantly weighed down. Slowly, as his breathing evens out, the comfort bleeds out of him leaving only exhaustion and nerves.

He is not sure how much he has given away, in this. How much of what he has just done can be excused. He tries to still the tremors that are still pulsing through his muscles. Tries to regain his footing, to think. It is nearly impossible with Wei Wuxian still draped over him, boneless and pliant. But he would not trade it away, not a single moment of it.

Eventually, unfortunately, Wei Wuxian lifts up and off. Lan Wangji feels a moment of stark, certain grief, and turns away from him.

"We should clean up," Wei Wuxian says quietly.

Lan Wangji nods. They should. There is...much to clean.

A hand grasps his arm, sudden and solid.

"Lan Zhan, we're okay, right? I didn't. I didn't...this wasn't wrong."

Lan Wangji shakes his head. It was far from wrong.

"Okay...okay. Then, are you okay?"

Lan Wangji does not want to lie. It is a difficult question. It is possible he is alright. He simply does not know.

"Did you know?" Lan Wangji asks suddenly, without premeditation of any sort. 

He wishes he could shove the words back into his mouth. But he cannot help but wonder. How much of this was...a knowing kindness? How much of this was pity, born of his own horribly obvious desires?

"Know what?"

Lan Wangji takes a breath. As much as he wishes he could, he does not think he could go back. Back to before he had this, knew this, felt this.

"That I wanted you."

There is a stunned silence. The hand on his arm tightens painfully.

"No," Wei Wuxian says. "You—how long?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head. That, he is not sure he can make himself say.

"Did...did you know?"

"Know?" Lan Wangji repeats, confused. Of course he knew his own desires, as unfortunate as they were.

"That I wanted you."

The silence then is suspended. The moment before a fall. Lan Wangji turns.

"You what?"

Wei Wuxian blinks at him. He really is an unparalleled mess. Lan Wangji aches with how much he loves him.

"Lan Zhan," he says, covering sheepishness with a reprimanding tone. "You didn't really think you were the only one, after that?"

Lan Wangji feels as if he is making rather a habit of complete and utter breathlessness. He stares at him, at the earnestly hopeful look in Wei Wuxian's eyes.

"I did not know."

"Well," Wei Wuxian says. "You do now. In case...in case that matters."

Lan Wangji does not know what is happening inside him, but it is riotous. He shoves it down, out of the way. This is something, but it is not...he cannot. He has lied by omission, he feels, too much now. He cannot continue.

"Then you should know," he says, measured as he can, "that what I feel is more than wanting." Wei Wuxian continues to stare at him. Lan Wangji has to look away. "In case that matters."

"It matters," Wei Wuxian says, a thin croak. "It—Lan Zhan, how much more, exactly, could you be, ah, specific? Because I don't want to say the wrong thing, but—"

Lan Wangji cannot bear to speak of it anymore. He unties his ribbon and lays it across Wei Wuxian's palm, at which point Wei Wuxian stops speaking and stares at it, instead of him, for a long moment.

"Lan Zhan..."

Lan Wangji's heart is heavy even as anxiety sparks through his overtired veins. But then, suddenly, he is horizontal again, and there is a riot of a different sort, of heat and limbs and lips, and he is being kissed all over his face.

"How long?" Wei Wuxian is saying again, between sweet pecks and lingering presses. "You wouldn't say. How long?"

"Wei Ying?"

Wei Wuxian can tell Lan Wangji hasn't yet caught up, and it's adorable and sad at the same time. He takes pity.

"I'll go first. I think I've probably loved you since forever, but I didn't know until, well, until I thought I'd lost you, back then. How stupid is that? Now you. Tell me how stupid we both are, how long we could have been doing this."

Lan Wangji is staring at him with unadulterated awe. It's cute, but it also makes Wei Wuxian feel squirmy and uncomfortable. He kisses him again, deep and slow, a new way they haven't tried. It's extremely good.

He manages to tear himself away. "Tell me or I'll stop kissing you," he says. He doesn't even know if it's a good threat. He hopes it is. It'd get him to speak if their places were reversed.

"Always," Lan Wangji breathes, still awed, still wide-eyed and sweet. It gives Wei Wuxian pause.

Lan Wangji sees him looking back through his spotty memories, trying to fit this information into them. He feels a stab of regret that he never made it clear before now. He resolves to make it abundantly clear every moment from here on out. He surges up to kiss those memories away.

It takes a long, long time before they clean up and do anything else.

In the future, Lan Wangji still doesn't make a habit of engaging in self-pleasure. He doesn't have to. Except, of course, when Wei Wuxian realizes he's rather sad he missed out on watching.

~The End~

If you enjoyed this, you can keep up with new threads as they happen on my twitter. If you want to see me in Real Writing Mode, check out my works on ao3!

[amethystina]

As with most things, I think there are a lot of factors that play into it. The most obvious is, of course, that the source material is interesting enough to keep people engaged. It's got a depth and level of nuance that makes it very fun to explore for fans and content creators. Having a good foundation to stand on is always important and certainly helps with the amount of fanworks that can be produced.

But that in itself can't sustain a fandom or make it thrive.

Now, I'm one of those people who creates mostly for myself, for whichever fandom I want. I putter around in my corner, writing my things, drawing my art, and posting it if I feel like it. The size and activity level of the fandom has never really impacted my choices.

But, that said, I'm not immune to the rush one gets from people engaging with the things I create. It would be both ignorant and rude of me to pretend otherwise, especially considering the amount I'm given.

Engagement and community matters.

And the fact that people are excited to see what I create makes me want to create more. Would I still have created without the engagement? Yes, definitely. But the engagement helps. It motivates me to do it faster, to put more effort into it, and to share it with even more people.

I have no doubt that had I not gotten the response I did on Who Holds the Devil — to keep writing it with so much detail, to really delve deep into the characters, to explore what many now call a season 2 of the drama — that fic would have been so much shorter. I write for myself, yes, but that also means that had it just been for my own satisfaction, I could have settled for something less complex.

The insane level of detail and exploration of the characters isn't really for me.

It's for you.

My readers were the ones who motivated me to make it this big and sprawling. To actually write down what it looks like inside my head and not just do the broad strokes as I most often do when the main goal is to get the idea out of my system.

And the fact that I can tell that people are still waiting for updates, still eager for more, and still enjoying what I do makes me want to keep sharing. Especially since I'm a bit of a fandom hermit, who's really bad at seeking out other people in fandom unless they're literally in my DMs or comment sections. So this is how I try to contribute. I make things and I share them. And, sometimes, people talk to me about them and, sometimes, they talk to each other about them. Either way, I'm contributing to the discussion. To the content being created and the conversations taking place.

And, in the end, I think that's the key.

It's the sharing. The creating. The comments, the rants, the metas, the DMs — the community.

It's us.

A good source material certainly helps since that makes it easier to create but, in the long run, the only thing that can keep a fandom alive is the fandom itself. And the people in it are what makes the fandom.

So when you ask me why?

Well, it's simple:

I'm here because you are.

And I'm very happy to be sharing all this love, creativity, and enthusiasm with you all. You're amazing 💜

Everytime I meet my friends, they will be surprised that the TDJ fandom has lasted so long. And to think it is able to do so with just one season, 16 episodes, and nothing more after that.

They will ask me why? And I thought that I will pass the question on to the rest of you.

Why?

We are still here even though the drama finished airing after 2021. And I still see fics being written on AO3 as well.

[cantdanceflynn]

For the ask thing, Candace from Phineas & Ferb?

favorite thing about them: Honestly, I think the fact that she honestly manages to understand and utilize her priorities later on is very underrated. Especially later on. While her main goal may be busting or fame, she understands that those aren't gonna matter in the long run. They haven't so far. Examples of this include: Doing her best not to bust to enjoy the picnic in the biosphere with Jeremy(The Great Indoors), immediately trying to make sure she can spend the whole day with Stacy as soon as she realizes she's been neglecting her friendship with her(Canderemy) and caring significantly more that Klimpaloon gets out safe then her getting back in time(The Klimpaloon Ultimatum). This isn't really my favorite thing about her bc I couldn't choose, but it is a very underappreciated aspect of her character later on.

least favorite thing about them: Honestly besides the fact that she can be pretty mean sometimes(and so can I so I don't really hate that about her. In fact it's pretty nice to see that they didn't make her one way or the other(something that cartoon siblings fall into a LOT) when it comes to that), I can't think of a lot. I guess I'm not the hugest fan of how often she immediately thinks of ways that things can benefit her, but even then, I don't hate it? Honestly maybe it's just bc I like her so much, but it's really hard to think of what my least favorite thing is.

favorite line: Oh this is a hard one. I've got a few, but specifically four that I'm picking out(in no specific order)

1: "The flying car of the future; today.......... is pulling a bit to the right." is a classic and highly underappreciated.

2: "I traveled halfway 'round the world, and almost turned and ran away. But you helped me get my courage back, so now I've got to say. That though I've often thought of you as just a nuisance and a bother, today I can't imagine having better little brothers! And you gotta believe in something, so today I believed in you. And you came through, we made it! I've never been so proud (never been so proud)! I know at first it seemed implausible, but we accomplished the impossible! Now there's something that I've got to say out loud! Time is what you make of it, so take a chance. Life is full of music so you ought to dance. The world's a stage and it is time for your debut (it's time for your debut). Don't waste a minute sitting on that chair. The world is callin' to you, just get out there! You can see forever so your dreams are all in view!" Yes I'm counting the whole bit ok!!! It's just so good!!

3: "You see Mom! Absolutely nothing. Oh, I am thinking some very unladylike things right now." Idk this one and the bit after it is always funny(and sweet).

4: "Silly BFF. Jeremy likes me for who I am. It's like we're one. When I breath in, he breathes out. His heart says "knock knock", and my heart says "who's there". And the answer is us................" like ok i think the pnf fandom is in agreement to ignore the ending of that episodes C plot but the beginning like. Idk it means so much to me that she really gets that he likes her for who she is, even if she ends up worrying about it anyways(bc she's Candace).

Idk man there's a theme with these quotes and that theme is character development. Special mention to "Do not be seduced by the coolness" tho bc I rly like Put That Putter Away.

brOTP: I already have put her and PnF as one so instead, I think she and Baljeet should be friends. There's a lot of reasons but number one is I think it would be funny.

OTP: Jeremy X Candace X Stacy X Vanessa. Yes I know. I absolutely have to just figure out their ship name. So go with Canderemy bc that's def my fave lol.

nOTP: Once again, I don't really have any that aren't just straight up wrong.

random headcanon: Ok I went over the ducky momo accessories already, so here's one that I just love so much. Jeremy and Candace don't use a whole lot of nicknames for each other for a couple of reasons, and they aren't exactly consistent with the ones they do use. But they do have one they keep. When around pretty much anyone else and talking about each other, she's his girlfriend and he's her boyfriend. But when it's just them(or just them and their friends), she's his g-word, and he's her b-word. And they wouldn't trade that for anything. Even when they're married, it sticks. Reasonably they know that at the very least it should be w-word and h-word, and that it doesn't really work anymore. But it works for them and that's what they care about.

unpopular opinion: sick and tired of people going "she has too many awkward or mean moments." it is not her fault that you are not immune to awkward moments. suck it up/j(this is not serious at all it's just funny to me how many people do this)

song i associate with them: Breath and Do Nothing Day bc uhhhhhhhhhhhh YEA. but in terms of songs not written about Candace lol Disco! in the Panic Room. LITERALLY EVERY LYRIC IN THIS SONG FITS HER. EVEN THE ONES THAT DON'T. JUST LISTEN TO THESE SONGS OK AND TELL ME THAT DISCO IN THE PANIC ROOM DOESN'T FIT CANDACE TO A T OK.

favorite picture of them: this is my fave that isn't in all honesty super shippy or from a special bc there's too many faves from specials. I just think Temple of Juatchadoon is neat

this is mostly just proof that i need to not answer character asks when sleepy bc wow this is actually understandable compared to normal