#I can't help myself I love their frienship so much

[celestialsyndicate]

**General trigger warning for talking about people who support @ b*se/fakeclaiming **

It really feels like I only come on here to vent but it seems like so much of the community feels confined to not speaking. I spent enough time feeling trapped with no voice.

I heal in spite. What do you get for surviving? You get people who side with your abusers "oh they never would have done that" "don't drag a dead mans name through the mud"

You get fake claimed or live in fear not speaking up about the horrors of survival due to people thinking they are judge and jury on what happened to you. Like someone who hasn't suffered could even think to understand. It's pathetic and weak. You have to dig for answers no one else will tell you. You fight more battles alone than understood. It's learning to support yourself because everyone is actively fighting against what is best for you. It's learning there is true evil; and becoming a face for it when you say survivor. Meaning people leave you behind when they're too terrified to believe in a world where people choose to be cruel for fun. It's being laughed off when you have fought through the unimaginable. It's begging for recognition and aid from doctors who should know fucking better but often align with truly evil people or even are themselves. It is sheer fucking terror, and bravery. It is rage and malice, and fucking bravery. It's learning to live from scratch. Teaching yourself love and frienship and trust while knowing the world will hurt you and can. It's being so cripplingly alone because there's so much pain inside you can't voice. Pain you don't want to hurt others with but that eats at you like acid. It is healing in spite. What do you get for it? Fuck off with fake claiming. Fuck off with your stupidity of thinking these things aren't real. Fuck off with your constant support of abusers. Fuck off with your belittling people who are SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU COULD FUCKING IMAGINE. Do you know what it takes to look at death and survive? To wish you could have died and live? To continue living? It is pure fucking agony, and you don't understand the word. You are weak. To think we are lying. To want to live in your pretty rainbow world where none of this happens. Where no one gets dissociative disorders and RAMCOA. In your bubble wrapped fantasy life. You are so. Fucking. Lucky. Shut the fuck up, sit down, and listen. You don't know. You don't know what it's like. You waste of fucking thought. You get nothing for all this trauma. You heal in spite. You heal for you. You heal to have a life at all. You build yourself from the ground up. I didn't get supportive parents. I didn't get supportive therapists. I wanted those things. I deserved those things. I didn't even get cops who helped me. I got survival. And you know what? I MADE SOMETHING OF MYSELF.

Stop and think. Look at the fucking words coming out of your mouth. See yourself for what you are. If you stand with abusers and belittle victims, what are you? Do you want to be on the side that treats people like play things? Do you want to be evil? Your words are nothing in comparison to what we are capable of. You will never understand.

[themoonlily]

HI OMG I AM SO OVER THE MOON TO HAVE FOUND YOUR TUMBLR—

Sorry, I'm just really over the moon. Your many posts about Lothíriel and the Rohirrim and EVERYTHING LOTR has made my day. I have found my jackpot haha to scroll through your blog and procrastinate while excusing myself as doing some research about LOTR. Bless you and your brilliant blog. Have a great day/night!

Oh, right, may I ask your experience getting into Éothíriel? Did it happen the first time you ever read LOTR or until much, much later? (which is what happened with me and now I can't stop ahh)

Thank you so much for your lovely message! I'm glad you enjoy my tumblr. :) I think at some point I was quite frustrated with how little you see stuff about them online, and then I decided to be the Éothiriel content I wanted to see in the world. :')

As for I got into this ship - I've loved LOTR since I first saw the PJ films, but didn't really engage in any fandom things until the Hobbit trilogy came out: it was at that point that my obsession with Tolkien really took a turn for the worse, so to speak. Even before then, I had especially liked the parts with Rohan, but I decided to try reading LOTR for the first time in English, and I quickly fell in love with the character of Éomer. And I started to devour everything I could find about him, so of course I eventually found out about Lothíriel.

Although Tolkien didn't write much about her and she doesn't appear in the story proper, I felt like there was still a lot in the story to go with - stuff that heavily implied why Éomer married this woman and what might be the circumstances of their relationship. I think it was all set up even as early as the Battle of Pelennor fields, when Imrahil discovers that Éowyn is still alive, and I think that Éomer would feel gratitude and friendship with the person who helped to save his sister (and his only living family at that point). It seems clear to me that they would interact a lot during the rest of the war and after it, being commanders in the army of the West. So he would have familiarity and probably frienship with Lothíriel's family, and it would be politically a very good match, making ties with a powerful noble House that ruled its own fiefdom in Gondor. She might even be the highest-ranking lady in Gondor at that point (excluding Arwen). Furthermore, I think it would be of great interest to Éomer (and other Rohirrim) that Dol Amroth had a cavalry of mounted knights, making them natural allies with a lot to give to each other. Éomer's heir is named Elfwine (=Elf-friend = Elendil), which also speaks of how highly he thought of the friendships he made in Gondor. 

I thought, yes, it makes sense in a lot of ways that Éomer and Lothíriel were married. But there was also a lot of potential for how their relationship came to be, and you could tell their story in so many ways, which really fascinated me. And down into the rabbit hole I went.

That's the short version of why this blog exists, really!  

Have a great day/night, too! :)

[muselover1901]

Sunshine

Hey! I know it’s super late, but AnS Week just happened to coincide with the hardest week of my semester thus far, so writing took a backseat to other life things. But behold! I have produced one piece! I couldn’t have done it without my amazing beta/supportive soul sister, @puffdragongirl. Thanks also to @akagami-no-rae for checking in with me last week to make sure I was doing okay. You two ladies are both amazing humans and I am so grateful for you. Anyway, here’s the story! Inspired by the song Pinô by Otto Totland. Will eventually be posted to AO3 once fully beta’d.

As the sun sent warm, dappled patches dancing across her head, Shirayuki sighed. The mountain air was a little chilly, but that suited her just fine. The cold northern air was well worth the escape with friends.

Ahead of her, Obi juggled a small stick between his fingers as he absentmindedly gazed over the foliage in an attempt to appear at ease. Shirayuki knew this wasn’t truly the case, as he hadn’t completely relaxed in all the years she’d known him. Always being at least a little on edge was not only part of his job, it was just the kind of person he was. She smiled at his effort.

Obi was also keeping an eye on Mitsuhide, who was just a few paces ahead of him and taking unusually long strides in an attempt to keep up with Kiki, who was outpacing them all despite her smaller stature. In his haste, Mitsuhide tripped over an exposed root and Obi chuckled to himself.

“Need a hand there, Mister?” Obi teased, eyes crinkling with the smile he tried to repress as Mitsuhide turned to glower at him, responding with a retort of his own. Kiki ignored them, as usual.

Although she was happy to see Mitsuhide and Kiki getting along, Shirayuki had to admit that since the day she heard about Kiki’s failed proposal, she’d felt her heart sink a little every time she looked at the two of them. She’d never been very good at picking up on romantic intentions, but she always thought their chemistry was obvious. And now that Kiki would be living primarily at the Seiran estate, things somehow felt even more melancholic. Starting next week, the little group she had come to love so dearly would be separated again.

Separation was nothing she couldn’t handle, though. Glancing to her side, she smiled as she noticed Zen savoring the mountain breeze, eyelids gently sliding shut and a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips as the wind ruffled his hair.  She and Zen had been separated for quite a long time, and had both grown considerably since they began their relationship, but some things had never changed. They still found solace in the wild. They still blushed at least a little when trying to be affectionate, but now that they both lived at Wilant Castle, they were actively trying to get better at that. Most importantly, they still inspired each other to be better and work harder, and Shirayuki was extremely grateful for that.

Her new position as ambassador to the pharmacies in the northern region suited her quite well, as it let her travel and interact with patients while giving her the means to tackle bigger issues, like improving the quality of care for patients in more rural regions and developing better technologies for creating medicines. However, the new workload was even more intense than it was during her time as a researcher in Lyrias. She and Zen had been spending their evenings after dinner working in the library, with books and documents sprawled across every inch of table surface they could find. Shirayuki always brought warm cups of tea to help them stay relaxed, and every once in a while, Zen would encourage her with a hand on her shoulder or a quick peck on her cheek.

As much as she loved their little routine, she loved moments like this more. She reached out and grazed her fingers across Zen’s knuckles, silently asking for him to clasp her hand in his. He happily obliged, pulling her closer as they continued to hike behind their friends.

“I think we’re getting pretty close to the top now,” Zen mused. Shirayuki squinted and tilted her head to get a better view of the path ahead of them. Sure enough, the trees thinned, exposing an expanse of flat, weather-worn stone where they could picnic before heading back down.

“We should probably catch up to the others,” Shirayuki suggested, shifting her bag to relieve some of the weight on her shoulder. She hadn’t intended to, but she ended up collecting quite a few specimens along the trail, so she had fallen considerably behind. Zen had been kind enough to dutifully stop with her every time she darted off to take a cutting or seed sample.

“Yeah,” Zen interrupted her thoughts with a grin. “Let’s go!” He took off at a sprint, clutching her hand tightly and tugging her along with him. Shirayuki yelped and laughed as her legs struggled to keep pace.

Ahead of them, Obi was investing his full attention on ribbing poor Mitsuhide, whose face was turning red with embarrassment. As Zen and Shirayuki approached, Zen inexplicably slowed and silenced his footfalls, creeping like a cat over the pebbles and sticks of the trail in an attempt to remain unseen. Shirayuki looked at him questioningly, but Zen held a finger to his lips and tilted his head toward the assassin-turned-knight. Mischief glinted in his eyes as he mouthed, “Grab him.”

Shirayuki couldn’t help but smirk as she realized what Zen was trying to do. Obi had long since been the trickster of the group, and he took great pleasure in the pranks inflicted on his unwitting victims. However, because of his constant vigilance, he was notoriously hard to surprise. Nearly every attempt to get back at him and catch him off guard had failed.

But now, they had an opening. Obi was fully absorbed in bothering Mitsuhide, slinging comments about how his pace seemed incredibly slow for how tall he was.

“My pace is perfectly fine for my height,” Mitsuhide countered, stiffly facing forward.

“I don’t know,” Obi sneered, “you sure you’re not just getting old?”

As Obi chuckled at his own joke, Shirayuki zeroed in on his hand, swinging lazily by his side. Now was her chance. With a quick glance to Zen, who nodded his assent, she dove for Obi’s hand and clasped it roughly in her own. At her touch, Obi went wide-eyed and ramrod straight. He didn’t get a chance to react more than that though, because Zen immediately bolted, dragging both Shirayuki and Obi along with him this time.

Once Obi got his feet under himself, he took in the situation and smiled. Mitsuhide, oblivious to what had just transpired, continued to banter.

“I might be older than you, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m outpacing you.”

“Psh—at least I’m doing my job!” Obi snickered. Mitsuhide turned to roll his eyes, but was surprised to see Obi tightly holding Shirayuki’s hand as Zen led them all barreling toward him. Before he could make a witty retort, Zen reached out and grabbed him too. The four of them went flying past Kiki in a blur of childlike abandon.

Kiki continued her steady pace, watching her friends tripping and laughing like idiots as they ran to the picnic site. A faint smile softened her face, and she sighed before running to catch up with them.

Clasping her hand around Mitsuhide’s, her smile became a full-fledged grin.

“Whose idea was this?” she shouted over the ruckus. Kiki leveled her gaze at Obi, who shrugged in an attempt to appear innocent. Next, she looked to Shirayuki, who had peeked her head around Zen to grin back.

“I’m just an accomplice, I swear!”

Kiki’s eyes settled on Zen, who was smiling and panting and looking utterly found-out. She smiled back at him.

As they reached the picnic spot, they all let go and collapsed into the soft grass, chests heaving and grinning like children. Shirayuki couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt that free with her friends. The sun warmed her face as she propped herself up to take in the view. All around them were delicate white Yujou daisies, which Mount Hiatari was famous for. Once picked, they were rumored to become imbued with a special kind of magic that would fate two people to become eternal friends. Shirayuki didn’t believe in magic, but the sentiment behind the story resonated with her. She would always stand with Zen, Obi, Mitsuhide, and Kiki regardless of the circumstances that sought to separate them.

Smiling, she plucked a flower and shuffled over to Kiki, who was softly toying with the blades of grass growing a few inches from where her nose lay. Shirayuki silently tucked her daisy into Kiki’s ponytail before bending to pluck another. Kiki looked up at her and smiled warmly. Mitsuhide gazed out over the mountainside at Wilant Castle in the distance, but was startled to find Shirayuki tucking a flower behind his ear. Running over to Obi, Shirayuki pulled another flower, but perhaps a little too hard, because the roots came out along with a thick clump of loam. Obi looked at her skeptically as she dusted it off and removed the roots before tucking it behind his ear.

Selecting one final flower, Shirayuki turned to Zen, who had been watching her attentively the whole time. The corners of his eyes crinkled as she placed the flower behind his ear and ran her fingers through his hair before shyly looking at the ground. For some reason, affectionate gestures had always flustered her more when they were directed at him. After all this time, she still wasn’t that great at romance.

A tickle at her ear snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Zen gazing at her lovingly, a daisy of his own settling into her red hair as he thumbed her cheek gently. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the top of her head. Shirayuki sighed.

A sun-warmed breeze ruffled their hair as the five friends gazed out over the landscape, silently reveling in the peace of the moment. The pressures of day-to-day life seemed so far below them, up here on Mount Hiatari. And they knew that no matter what the future held for them, they would always have the memory of this day. They would always have each other. 

[thatweeboverthereisthirsty]

Hi, I hope that I'm not to late for the lovebug event?

Thank you for doing this event.

Dear Malleus,

I always considered you as a dear friend. But lately I've started to catch feelings for you.

I wanted to tell you my feelings for some time now, but I couldn't find the courage to tell you. My heart was going crazy, and I couldn't find the words to tell you how I feel. Honestly I kind of felt nervous to be near you.

Not that I consider you as an intimidating person. You are far to kind and caring to me. It's just that I love you so much, and I fear to lose our precious frienship. But lately it's getting harder to suppress my feelings for you.

I'll never forget the day that we met. It was kind of strange that you wouldn't give me your name. You even said that I could pick one for you. I loved your laugh and warm playful smile. When I gave you that silly name, that Grim and I came up with. I was happy that you didn't mind it. I kind of felt my heart beat faster that day.

And after all that happend at VDC, and now that I know your real name. I understand why you were hesistant to tell me your name. My friends did tell me that you are one of the stongest wizards in this world, and that I should be careful around you because I'm magicless. But I'm glad that I got to know the real you. I wish more people would know how amazing you are.

You are the kindest person I've met. You always listened and gave me advice. You helped me out a lot, and I can't thank you enough for it.

And sometimes your kind gestures surprised me. Remember when you and your fellow dormmates turned my dorm in a beautiful Halloween venue. I never had such a fun Halloween, even if the magicam crazed crowd turned it a bit chaotic. I know your intensions were good.

I hope that my letter reached you well, and I hope that you can return my feelings too.

And maybe we can admire the gargoyles together.

Love, your admirer.

( I'm glad I wrote this even if it hurts)

( guess I'm a nervous emotional wreck now)

Dear child of man,

You have no idea how thrilling it was for me to receive a letter. I hardly ever receive letters from anyone but my grandmother. She is lovely, of course, but to receive a letter from you truly made my heart pound. 

To answer your question, I do feel the same way. The day I met you flipped my whole world upside down and suddenly nothing was where it was supposed to be anymore. I found myself craving your company, desperate to gaze upon that gorgeous smile once more.

I remember telling you that I would have to find a different abandoned spot to spend my evenings, however, I simply could not resist returning to the ramshackle dorm every night in hopes that I would meet you there. That you would talk to me and smile at me. That you would treat me as someone trustworthy and safe.

The change was astonishing and soon I fell in love with our little interactions. Not long after I began to fall for you as well. I really knew I was in deep when you invited me to the VDC. As bold and daring as some might think it was, I saw the gesture in a warm and kind light. There was so much innocence and true feelings of kindness that I had to physically restrain myself from kissing you right then and there.

My sweet child of man, you have forever changed my world, and so I am asking you to become a part of it. Not just to go gargoyle watching, (which I admit sounds enticing), but to hold and care for each other. To be what you humans call boyfriends and girlfriends? 

I am truly grateful for this delightful letter. I shall cherish it forever, just as I wish to do with you.

Malleus Draconia