#I can't even tag this as anything listen
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everyone talks themselves into a life that suits them best
#i'm sorry the vision is nonexistent but i see it. his wordinggggg is so lila...#l'amica geniale#s4 spoilers#my brilliant friend spoilers#l'amica geniale spoilers#lila cerullo 🫀#franco mari#elena greco 📝#also elena leaning in to listen to him with so much affection. she's hearing lila i am 100% sure of it#she is instinctively responsive to anything lila-like#i hate how the screencap can't capture it. she shifts all of her weight on her arm and leans forward#like she wants to swim in that conversation#i love how... words are losing their meaning links to lila re: the solara article... she arrives to the same conclusion...#but elena refutes their statement. she writes about them. ughhh#also ADORE how visceral franco's description is. literally lila during the earthquake and just lila in general#she's alwasy using bodily fluids as metaphors... infection as a synonym to dissolving boundaries.#like... i can't even#i actually have a more elaborate lilafranco web weave in my drafts that discusses everything i mention in these tags but#i can't really post that yet#ferranteposting
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What if Christos Lawton is the one responsible for putting I Say A Little Prayer For You on the official George Hodgson playlist. What then. On the one hand I would have to set myself on fire but on the other hand it would be FANTASTIC news for whoever authored my all time favorite post on the Cold Boys Kink Meme
#I just love the way it's worded. There's something so beautiful about it. Something freeing. Why shouldn't they indeed.#The odds of this are probably even worse than the standard ''1 out of however-many-songs-on-the-playlist chance'' for various reasons.#But I can't stop thinking about it.#Can't believe this prompt is unfilled btw. especially after witnessing the camp discord during the infamous Garrigan/Harris video call.#The RPF fandom very clearly yearns for. well. the RPF.#also yes that link does lead to the famous Epaulette Shimmying video. of course. god bless. my favorite video in the whole world <3#Starky's Original Posts#ok last time I made a post and deliberately did the responsible thing#and kept my ship tag out of the first five tags so it wouldn't pollute the actual ship tag seen by everyone else#but then to my horror it showed up there anyways#hopefully that doesn't happen again smfh#hodgving#the terror#''so did you finally fuckin--'' NO I'm not allowed to look/listen til Tuesday at the earliest. OCD said so and also at this point I need it#to bait myself into getting through the day. there's too much to do and my will to do literally anything at all#is at just about the lowest it's ever been#I haven't eaten anything besides a few crackers and pretzels for three days.#good good. it isn't even hungry anymore. it doesn't even want to live.#BUT. I WANT GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3 SO WE PERSIST
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What is with the practically psychotic hate for Lance Stroll? I'm not even his fan- more indifferent- but the hate he gets is sickening. Like just see the recent 'Never have I ever' vid- so many top comments on youtube, instagram etc. are just spouting shit about him (attacking his looks, calling him window licker wtf etc.) based off the 'Never have I ever stood up someone question' (and of course they conveniently ignore all the other drivers that also said they have because it's trendy to hate on Stroll).
Of course, standing up someone sucks but first of all we have no context at all, and more importantly, it's clear the commenters don't actl give a shit about that because they're only hating on Stroll. This is literally just one instance of the way these F1 'fans' are so quick to seize any opportunity to put down Lance. Honestly, it's so off-putting, pathetic and sad.
#he's not even one of my faves but the hate in the f1 fanbase for this 25 year old is crazy#don't give me the 'his daddy bought the team!! he's so shitty!!'#he may not be the best driver but he's still a good driver#he got a podium in his rookie year for goodness sake#also one of the youngest polesitter#yes he was blessed with a rich family but god forbid a father loves his child and would do anything for him#he's usually good in the wet/mixed conditions too#but if you listened to ppl on social media you would think lance can't even walk in a straight line#im so done lol the f1 fanbase is so toxic#esp those on twitter/insta#honestly I doubt those type of 'fans' actl watch the races#they just do monkey see monkey do#and hate on a fucking mid-20s dude 💀#their lives must be incredibly sad to waste time spreading hate like that#lance stroll#f1 2024#honestly this isn't even about the never have I ever vid#it's more about the general and practically fervent hate ppl have for lance#which is so overboard#lance puts in the effort everyday but these ppl will have you believe he sits arnd throwing moneg everyday#this is the man who drove despite his hand injury last year for goodness' sake#the way some ppl talk about him will have you thinking he murdered their family#also he's just thr to drive??? idk why ppl go all up in arms to hate on everything he does from his looks to how he talks...#and in general the hate various drivers get is so weird#*money#<- too lazy to edit my tags lol
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why is everyone suddenly jackdoctor posting. like i'm not complaining i've just been indescribably sick over that entire storyline for years so it's funny to see it picking up steam again
#UTOPIA IS UP NEXT IN MY REWATCH BRO I WILL LITERALLY DIE 😅#and i keep seeing that utopia clip someone posted that i still can't hit play on like oh my GODD you want me to die#the way it's like. already batshit crazy if you just watch dr who but then here i am having#consumed literally hundreds of hours of extra content and soso deeply ill#YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.... HHNNHNYJTNJFHFHFHFHDHB#so glad i get to force THREE of my friends to watch t.orchwood with me coz I#never got to talk abt it before and now I'll finally be unleashed. lordddddd#like ohhmy god it's not even like... like i dont SHIP them i dont think i ship anything in dw#but what an incredible story especially after you get All of jack's side of it. hough#i should whip up a list or a watching/listening order or something the catalogue of dweu in#my head has to be of SOME use other than making 3 specific ppl sit through it with me....#doctor who#jackdoctor#jack harkness#trying to start a tagging system for dw after 7 years on tumblr is gonna bite me in the ass
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guys i'm flipping out i need the wisdom saga NOWWWWWWUSDUUDUDIGK
#epic is genuinely so good for me sensory wise#it's so nice on the ears that it makes me ascend#i am addicted to epic sorry guys#anyway i hope the cast takes their time and doesn't burn themselves out#i literally love this musical so much..#i'm very excited for the next saga#i can't believe there's only like 3 sagas left that's. actually fucking crazy my god#epic the musical#wisdom saga#come to me..#jorge rivera herrans#epic is actually just my favorite musical of all time btw#i've like never heard anything like it#like i genuinely love all the songs(even if i skip them sometimes i still love them)#it's HARD to get me to do that#but epic is so ascension worthy#it genuinely has got me wanting to sing every song as i listen to it it's so good#UGK#oh shit i'm rambling in the tags again whoops
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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Sometimes you just need to talk at your brother for an hour until you figure out something you've been stuck on with your story
#shout out to him for listening to my rambles all the time#he doesn't know anything about TMA except the random bits I tell him#but he still tries and helps#even when I'm talking about gore and other stuff that unsettles him#pretty sure I used to have a personal text post tag but I can't remember what it was rn
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I am once again tagged by @radellama, thanks a bunch!
~
Last Song: Song of the Ancients / Fate, by Keiichi Okabe
Currently Watching: Still Trigun (1998), I am unfortunately too busy to watch much else (Though I do sometimes think about how much I want to rewatch TGCF season 2....)
Three Ships: Xiao/Venti, Feng Xin/Mu Qing, Minamoto Kou/Mitsuba Sousuke
Favorite Color: Still cobalt!
Currently Consuming: Nothing at the moment, last thing was some chai tea. Now I'm thinking about grilled cheese again tho...
First Ship: Leo/Takumi from Fire Emblem: Fates
Relationship Status: Unfortunately, no
Last Movie: I genuinely don't remember... It was either Spirited Away or a combined Megamind/How to Train Your Dragon movie night
Currently Working On: A lot of my current angst is actually over the fact that I'm too deep in the schoolwork trenches to actually work on any of my own personal creative projects. But, my other project besides the Genshin Poetry Gala fic that I've been working on for months now is a TGCF essay about how the main couple are representative of the story's main themes. They make my brain explode <3
~
Tagging: @hollyisanonymous, @rubberbandballqueen, @tempests-bards-and-birds, @sl33pyr3v3ri3, @stardustdiiving, @h4msanta
#tag game#I think I'm gonna just let tag game be its own tag now lol#I haven't actually been listening to much music for the past two days#I've been on more of a talking audio kick if anything at all#As for the ships aside from the obvious I ended up putting feng//qing because I cannot see myself writing hua//lian fic#Cuz the books have everything I need from them lmao#But for those two bozos? There's a reason why my roommate and I have spent hours talking about all the stupid gay shenanigans they could ha#And kou//tsuba is just because I caught up on js//hk recently and they are still destroying my heart (sob)#I can't wait until school is done so I can get back to being creative#That's what will fix me I'm not even joking lmaooo#Thanks for the tag these are always fun!! (even though it was a little similar to the last one with some of the prompts lolol)
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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thinking about how way to dawn really was like the most iconic keyblade ever that so neatly summarized riku's journey and ideals and had so much meaning and history and so uniquely his and kh3 really threw it away for a fucking car key
#katie rambles#ITS BEEN YEARS I CAN SAY IT RIKU'S NEW KEYBLADE IS DUMB#kh3 did riku incredibly dirty actually on a number of levels#i dont care if there was more s@r!ku evidence they really had no idea what to do with him#they had no idea what to do with anyone who wasn't sora#but with riku especially having such a strong character arc only to pitter out to like.#a touching but ultimately meaningless sacrifice that sora tears up spacetime to undo moments later#and exposition dumps ig#like i can't get behind his new keyblade because it really EXEMPLIFIES all the god damn issues with his handling in 3#idk i was thinking about character design and aesthetics and man. MAN! way to dawn beloved.#way to go kh writers for taking complex and well developed character and making him cardboard#his va also sounded really tired and i cannot blame him riku was so filed down from literally anything that made him interesting#he couldnt even get to wrestle with or flex his cool mentor status as a keyblade master that arc was right there#'katie why are you so upset you just said it's been years' listen.#listen kh was formative media for me (points @ username)#i would not be griping so much more in the tags if i did not invest so much of my love and care into the series#perhaps too much in hindsight#agh. urgh. ough.
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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seven actually the most snily song in the entire universe, i don't know what to tell you.
#the things i'm forced to read in the remus tag istg#but probably many people felt the same but i'm not a ts fan. and i still tear up whenever i listen to it because its SO snily#like its cut for snily completely. i can't even code seven with anything other than snily.#oh tamino's entire discography is also snily coded ☝️
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when you get this you have to answer with 5 of ur fav songs and then tag your mutuals to do the same :) (no pressure <3)
I was tagged by the lovely @the-eclectic-wonderer, whose list of songs you can find here! Thanks for the tag :)
My music taste has become the most random assortment of stuff at this point, but I think the general consensus is that it reveals just how much of a nerd I am... in more than one way.
So here are a few songs I've had on repeat these past months!
Passacaglia by Handel [youtube / spotify] ; the amount of thinking I've done with this on repeat is shocking lol. There's something about it that makes me feel very reflective. A little sad, but a little hopeful as well -- and I've found it makes the perfect writing music because of that.
Shaffy Cantate by Ramses Shaffy & Liesbeth List [youtube / spotify] ; this is a placeholder for anything Ramses Shaffy, tbh. But considering all his music is in Dutch, and I've had basically all of it on repeat for a year anyway, I figured I'd pick the one song without lyrics so everyone can understand ;) (this one is probably his most popular song in the Netherlands, and this is one of my personal favourites)
Notturno in G Minor by Fanny Mendelssohn [youtube / spotify] ; did you know that a lot of Mendelssohn's music was actually composed by his sister, Fanny? A couple of her pieces were found years after both their deaths (if I remember correctly) and this is one of them. I listen to it a lot while writing!
Bosom Buddies by Bea Arthur & Angela Lansbury [youtube / spotify] ; I'll be honest here, it's a fun song, but the song is not why it's on my favourite songs list. It's just whenever I see the video of this performance, it makes me really happy for some reason. The reason being Bea Arthur. Oh- and it's fun to sing along to. I listen to this a lot when I'm doing the dishes
Valse Sentimentale by Tchaikovsky [youtube / spotify] ; I've listened to this while writing for about 3 or 4 years now, and what can I say? It's just a great piece of music!
Tagging @cairhienin @andromache-ofscythia @forgetmenot-blues @defenestratedcow @friendamedes, if you feel like participating! Anyone else who wants to join in but wasn't tagged: feel free to consider yourself tagged now ;)
#can you believe this is my censored list#i left out most of the ones that made even *me* go ''oh god. you nerd''#honourable mention to ''when you're smiling'' by bea arthur that i couldn't find a link to on either spotify or youtube#and that one song by shostakovich that i love but can't listen to because then it'll be playing on a loop in my head for 2+ months#also anything by chopin!! i wanted to include chopin but i couldn't choose lmao#i do have a favourite album of chopin's music but hey#that's for another tag game i guess#alys.txt#music
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URL song game 🎧
i got tagged by @angelapleasant, @yeoldecorprusarium, @blackswan-sims and @esotheria-sims and I'm finally getting around to it now because I left it alone while I was sick with covid lmao.
anyway. I don't really know the rules except that the songs are meant to start with the letters so here we are! I wasn't sure if I was supposed to resuse artists, so I didn't!!!~
P - Parasite Eve // Bring Me The Horizon
O - Omen // Bullet for my Valentine
T - Turbulent // Waterparks
E - Exile // Taylor Swift
N - N.M.E // Set it Off
T - Trigger // The Rasmus --
I - Infamous // Motionless in White
A - Abuse of SID // Hurt
L - Last Cigarette // Mothica
F - F E R A L // Bad Omens
A - As Above So Below // In This Moment
T - Telepath // Conan Gray
E - Entertainment // Rise Against
Anyways, free tag here, if you want to do this, tag me and say I told you to, because I like seeing people's music~~
#my posts#nonsims#tag game#music tag#me: alt music only!~#my spotify: has tswift and conan grey on my top artists >_>#I figured I should include them since apparently I listen to just those two pop artists more than anything else lmao#even though ALL the rest of my music taste is alt lmao#also music is not nearly as fun to listen to when you can't hear out of one ear because your sinuses are that fucked up apparently
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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