#I can't believe I read those things as a kid I think it genuinely made me a more cruel person

[clfixationstation]

I just remembered the time I was a summer camp counselor and I tried to read the first Harry Potter book aloud to my campers, and I had to skip over so many fatphobic lines

Because why would I just expose these perfectly nice kids to a bunch of mean comments, played off as comedy, that they would use as ammunition against other kids and themselves? It's just plain cruel. Joanne was incredibly fucking weird for that

[sturnlsstuff]

MISSED YOU | chris sturniolo

| ".... god, i hate that i missed you so much"

pairing: dealer!chris x fem!reader

summary: your dealer has been out of town for almost two weeks and after he's finally back, he texts you needing to see you.

warnings; smut, dom!chris, sub!reader, p in v, pet names, praising, unprotected sex, dirty talking, hair pulling, rough sex, car sex, crying, public¿ sex, cursing, mdni

a/n: literally my first fanfic after a looong time so please bear with me, if its bad... you know why. english isnt my first language so sorry for any mistakes! also its a little long 😭 part two here !!

~~~

she laughed at some joke her friend made and took another bite of her pizza. it was late friday afternoon, she and her bestfriends were hanging out, since there was nothing else to do. everything was great, until her phone buzzed. she looks at her screen, immediately smiling when she sees his name. she wasn't even aware that her lips had curved into a smile.

her friends were too busy with their own conversation, so she uses her moment and grabs her phone, reading the message from chris. she hasn't heard from him in over two weeks, she had no clue what he was doing, or where he was. she also didn't want to ask, hating the feeling of being too desperate. and it's not like he owns her any explanation either.

chris: u busy?

she bites her lip, fighting the urge to smile again as she replies back.

y/n: hi to you too

y/n: yeah im out with friends, whats up

chris: having fun?

chris: when u gonna be home ma?

y/n: like in an hour or so

chris: can u hurry up? c'mon kid i miss ya

y/n: you do???

she can't help but genuinely grins this time, her eyes widen a little. did he miss her? or was he just saying that to make her give in? he always knew how to talk to her, to make her going feral over him. but she wanted to believe he means it this time.

chris: hell yeah i do

chris: get ur ass out here

she looks at her friends, that were still yapping about something, that she couldn't care less about right now. she needed to see him. he never said he missed her before.

y/n: then come pick me up, im sending u the address

chris: omw gorgeous

chris is already in his car, when she sends him the address. not being able to see her for over two weeks, made him think. A lot. he has been her drug dealer for over a year now, there was tension between them since the beginning, so it didnt take them long to finally fuck at some party a few months ago. and since then, it's happening every now and then, usually they meet to smoke together, then they end up all over each other.

after a few minutes, he parks the car in front of the pizzeria, finally seeing her. she made a stupid excuse for her friends to leave, not being able to hide her excitement, so they just could assume what was going on.

chris gets out of the car, looking her up and down, licking his lips as she was only wearing a black crop top and baggy camo pants. he personally loved those, especially on her.

he opens the door for her, a smirk playing on his lips. "get in."

she tried her hardest to act casual, but just seeing him after a while, in all black outfit, was enough to make her dizzy. and she could swear he got a haircut. his hair was so much shorter, and she loved it.

she smiles, keeping the eye contact while getting inside the car. he closes the door, his eyes roaming all over her body as she walked towards him. he snaps back to reality, getting to the other side and climbing back into the drivers seat. he was feeling so many things that he couldn't express.

"missed me so bad, you couldn't wait an hour, huh?" she speaks up, putting on the seatbelt and looking over at him, while he starts the car.

she notices the way he looks her up and down, his eyes stopping at her exposed skin a little too long.

"i've missed my favorite customer." he smirks, going back to the eye contact.

"yeah, your favorite customer... right." she says sarcastically, trying her hardest to keep her cool and not to blush under his stare.

he grins before replying, focused on keeping his hands on the wheel instead of her body. it was getting harder with every second. "yeah, the one i always gotta give free stuff to."

"oh, dont act like i force you to do this..." she scoffs, still looking at him. "you know i always want to pay you."

"i know y'do... doesn't mean i will stop givin' it to you for free though."

"see, and that's crazy."

chris rolls his eyes, loving and hating at the same time, how she always had to talk back to him. he's driving, planning to go to her house, but the way she's looking right now, and especially her attitude, is making him crazy. he feels his dick getting harder with every second.

"whatever, ma. i know you secretly like it."

"yeah, sure." she mumbles with sarcastic tone, her eyes still watching him. seeing him driving was one of her favorite things in the world, he always looked so good. she appreciates, that he gives her stuff for free or cuts down her prices, but dealing was his job, he was making money out of it, so she always felt bad when he didnt want her cash. "what made you busy for so long? thought the cops caught or some shit"

chris bites his lip, his eyes glancing over to her for a second, before focusing back on the road. he never felt so desperate like right now, just having her in his car like that...

once he hears her question, he snaps back to reality and smiles. "the cops? please, sweetheart, they can suck my dick."

chris changes his direction, spotting an empty parking lot and he drives there. "i was out of town, had to deal with some business... nothin' to worry about now." he explains, parking and turning off his car, and his stare travels to her, scanning her face and body. "you're so curious...."

she nods, now understanding why he wasn't texting her these past two weeks, she was a bit ashamed 'cause she honestly thought maybe he got bored of her, so she didn't text him either. she still got some weed until yesterday, so she also had no reason to.

"why would you stop here?" she asks, looking at him with a little frown, but once she sees his smirk, the realization hits her. the excitement filling her body, the tension between them so noticeable, it makes her shiver.

he stares at her for a moment, adjusting his pants and then suddenly he unbuckles his seatbelt, sitting back in his seat so there was more space now.

"c'mere."

her eyes travels down on his lap, seeing the noticeable big bulge even through his jeans. she blushes slightly, looking back at him, the smirk still playing on his lips and it makes her weak in her knees.

"chris..." he cuts her off by reaching over and grabbing her chin, tilting her face closer to his.

"y'gonna do what i said, or keep talking back?"

she immediately unbuckles her seatbelt, moving over the center console and she gets into his lap, straddling him. she wasn't gonna act like she didn't miss him too, because, goddamn, she did. she presses herself onto his hard dick, watching him closely, and seeing how desperate and frustrated he was right now. It made her feel a little bit of a power, that she decided to take advantage of.

"now, was that so hard, ma?" he smirks even more, trying to hide his growing need for her, but his hands moves to grip onto her thighs. he felt the urge to touch her all over.

"you know, fifteen more minutes and we would be at my place-"

"you really think, i would wait fifteen fucking minutes, when i havent seen you for two weeks, and you look like that?" he loves the way she looks at him, with such admiration. she was so pretty in his eyes, he never felt this type of desperation for anyone ever before.

"and who's fault is that?" his hands grips her tighter and puts her closer in on his lap, making a little bit of friction, that he so desperately needs. his fingers digging into her skin, while he stares into her eyes.

"shut up for once, yeah?"

"make me." she smirks, challenging him. he doesn't have to hear it twice, loving the attitude she's giving him right now. his hand moves up from her thigh to the back of her neck, pulling her face closer and he kisses her roughly, grabbing her ass with his other hand as he does.

she smiles against his lips, immediately kissing him back with the same intensity, and she grinds down against his clothed dick, feeling her own need growing with every second. she missed the way he kissed her, she missed his lips, his hands all over her, his body against hers. she missed him and she hated to admit that.

she slides her tongue into his mouth, he bites her lip in response and lets her lead the kiss. moving up his hips to feel her more and not being able to hold back, he groans against her lips. he never felt so needy before. he pulls away for a moment to speak, and starts trailing kisses down her neck, squeezing her ass, before his hand moves up, caressing the skin on her exposed stomach.

"god, i hate that i missed you so much."

it slips from his mouth, he doesn't think much about it as he sucks on her skin, but for her it meant everything. she tilts back her head, giving him more space and she grinds against his lap some more, running her hand through his brown hair. he lets out a growl as she grinds down on him, making him even harder and he bucks his hips up again. lifting up his head from her neck his stare finds hers, the noticeable lust in his eyes made her bite her lip to hold back a moan. the smirk coming back to his face once he notices her flushed cheeks.

"what 'bout you, huh, ma? missed me too?"

she closes her eyes, their face so close to each other, it makes their lips brush when she replies him back.

"yeah... i did"

he grins, his hands playing with the waistband of her pants. that's all he needed to know, that she missed him as much as he missed her. even though they both were aware, they should'nt.

"how much, hm?" he unzips her pants, she lifts herself up, gripping his shoulders to balance herself and helps him take them off. then she straddles him again, trying to hold back her smile, but not being able to.

"want me to show you?"

he groans after her words, feeling her wet panties pressing against his hard dick and he bucks up his hips again, being so desperate, that he was ready to beg her. he starts marking her neck again, his hand traveling between her legs, massaging her clit through her underwear. her breath hitches in her throat, she lets out a little whine and grips his hair slightly.

"so wet already... shiiiitttt... all this f'me, huh?" he says against her skin, bitting on it slightly and making her moan. he adds more pressure, circling over her clit. "lift this shit up."

his tone demanding, he wasn't asking. she lifts up her top, revealing her breasts. he looks at her now, his eyes going back and forth between her tits, and her face. "fuck... not wearing a bra? fuckin' slut..."

he licks her hard nipple, then starting sucking on it. her hand tightens in his hair, tilting her head back and she lets out more whimpers. she was supposed to be the one in control this time, she craved it and saw how needy he is, but the way he's touching her, makes her losing her mind. he then pulls her panties to the side, running his fingers through her wet folds and suddenly putting one inside her. not even giving her any time, he just starts pumping in and out, adding another finger after a moment, now stretching her out. he pulls away from her nipple, looking at her face.

"c-chris..." she moans quietly, trying her hardest to keep the eye contact, but struggles to do so. her hands now traveling down his chest and unbuckling his belt.

"yeah, ma? y'like that?" he tries to keep his cool, still working his fingers inside her dripping pussy, curling them and making her whine in response. "look at you... so, fuckin' desperate on my lap. missed my fingers, huh? want some more?"

she desperately nods, squeezing around his fingers, but once he feels that, he pulls them out immediately putting them in his mouth to lick them clean. she whines, pouting her lips when he stops.

"show me how much you missed this dick then."

she bites her lip, unzipping his pants and with his help, she pulls them down to his knees, his boxers following after a second. chris leans his head back against the seat, gripping her hips as she gives him a few strokes before pulling her underwear to the side. she runs her thumb over his tip, collecting the precum and spreading it all over his cock, using it as a lubricant and then she lowers herself slowly on his cock, the movement making them both moan out loud with pleasure. she stays like this for a moment, needing to adjust after these past two weeks without him.

"fuckk...so tight...your pussy was made f'me.." he groans, tightening his grip on her hips and he watches her closely, as she finally starts moving on him. he’s holding himself back from moving up his hips and taking over, trying so hard not to thrust into her. he loves the feeling of her body against his and he’s missed it so much. he needed it, he needed her and he hated that. the feeling just kept growing, making the space in the car feel even smaller.

he pulls her back down into another kiss, this time more sloppy, continuing to move his tongue against hers, tasting her. she kisses him back, starting speeding up her pace and now bouncing on him harder. his dick hitting just all the right spots, making her moan loudly while chris tries to focus on the kiss and not to lose his composure. he wanted to take over, he always did, but the feeling of her riding him like that, has him gripping the seat. he grits his teeth, trying to keep himself together and he knows his patience wont last long. he looks up at her again, his eyes glued to her face.

"fuckkkk, ma.... takin' all of me so well... shit..." he hisses, when she speeds up even more. "so good.... s-so good f'me...."

she grips into his shoulders more, moaning loudly at his praises and she continues moving. chris is in complete ecstasy as she picks the pace up, a feeling like he hasn’t experienced before. there's just something about her on top and taking what she wants, that's got him feeling so many things at once.

“fuck.. just like that” one of his hands grab her ass, giving it a squeeze and then slapping it. "fuckin' slut... you like it? fucking in my car? takin' it just like a little bitch.... yeah? shitttt..."

he moans now not being able to hold back, and he starts thrusting into her. she gasps for air, her eyes closing shut as she tightens around him. "oh, wanna cum, huh? not yet darlin'...." he grips her hips more, his tip hitting her g-spot with every move.

"chris i-"

she cuts herself off with another moan, not being able to think straight. she digs her nails into the back of his neck, her head falling down on his shoulder and he immediately stops. her eyes snap open, she lifts up her head to look at him, a smirk playing on his lips.

"you better don't look away f'me, ma.... wanna see your pretty face y'know? and keep makin' those sexy little sounds...got it?"

she nods, but it's not enough from him as he speaks up again. "use your words baby, c'mon... you aint that fucked out of your mind yet, hm?"

"i got it, just... please..." she whines, moving her hips, wanting to bounce on him again, but he stops her. she pouts. "chrissss......"

"get to the backseat." he demands, after scanning her face for a while. he wanted to give her all the pleasure she deserves. he wasn't even thinking about himself, he couldn't care less about his release. he just needed to make her feel good, making sure no one else can do what he can.

she pulls away from him, now moving over the center console again, struggling a bit but she gets into the backseat. chris obviously smacks her ass as she does, what makes her squeak.

"chris!"

but he just smirks, pulling off his pants and boxers all the way down and throwing it on the passenger seat, so it wasn't in the way. he gets on the back himself, there was little space, but enough to get into his favorite position. chris puts his hand on her back, forcing her to get on her knees and hands on the seat, as he positions himself behind her. chris loves the way he can get her all desperate and begging, so he teases her now. he moves his tip along her folds, making her whine. then he slowly puts it in, but after a few seconds he pulls back again.

"chris...." she whines, knowing he's playing with her now.

"yeah, baby?"

she bites her lip, her face pressing into the seat and she lifts up her hips more. "stop teasing me, please...."

he grins even more, slapping her pussy with his dick and then he suddenly pulls his cock all the way in, making her gasp and scream out of pleasure. the new angle let him hit all of her sweet spots.

"whatever you want, princess." he starts thrusting into her with a very intense and fast pace, going as deep as he could. the car now filled up with her moans and the sounds of skin slapping against each other. he grips her hips tight, keeping her in place. he can feel her squeezing around his cock again, and he lets out a growl. "c'mon.... cum all over me...wanna see you while y'do..."

chris moves one of his hands, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back, having a good view on her face. her mouth wide open, letting out loud moans, her eyes rolling back.

"oh my god!" she cries out, gripping the edge of the seat like her life depended on it and she releases, the wet, squelching sound coming from her now louder. he groans, kissing her neck and whispering into her ear.

"you feel so good... cummin' like that f'me... such a good girl.."

she moans, squeezing around him again, the overstimulation now making her shiver as he keeps going with the crazy pace, not slowing down at all. he lets go of her hair, her head immediately falling onto the seat and he grips by her hips again, making sure she feels him as deep as he wants her to. he growls, being on the edge himself.

"i'm... close.." he mutters, throwing his head back. "gonna fill you up, yeah?"

she whines nodding desperately, but then he smacks her ass giving her a sign to answer verbally.

"shit! yes, fuck, yes chris, please!" she feels tears filling up her eyes from the pleasure, a few of them coming down her cheeks moment later. chris bites his lip, feeling her tightening around him. he moves one of his hands between her legs, now rubbing her clit, while still thrusting hard into her, but his movements getting sloppier. she cries out, her legs trembling and his dick twitches, finally cumming inside her, his warm sticky release filling her up and dripping out of her. he curses under his breath, digging his fingers into her skin, leaving bruises as he does. she feels him cumming, and the overstimulation from him lazily massaging her clit and still hitting her g-spot, makes her finish again. the pressure in her stomach now becoming too much, unable to hold back, she feels the liquid squirts out of her in waves.

his eyes snap open, looking down at her and he growls. he slows down until he eventually stops, after they both ride out their highs, this time not wanting to overstimulate her. looking at the mess she made, he can't help but feel a bit cocky about it.

"shit, ma.... squirtin' all over me, huh? is it how it is now?" he smirks, a little surprised that he made her do that but he couldn't be more proud. he pulls out of her, letting go of her hips and her body immediately falls onto the seat. she's breathing heavily, not being able to reply yet. "that's my fuckin' girl.."

he runs his fingers along her inner thigh, collecting her and his cum and he leans in a bit, covering over her. he looks at her fucked out expression and the smudged mascara on her cheeks. "look at me."

she opens her eyes, her mind blank, body shaking. he puts his fingers into her mouth, she immediately cleans them up, tasting both his and her release on her tongue, making sure she keeps the eye contact with him while she does that.

"you're so hot." he says now kissing the tears on her cheeks away. "took me so well..."

she smiles, seeing his flushed cheeks and messy hair sticking to his forehead. it was her favorite view.

"y'good, kid? don't go all mute on me now.."

"don't call me that...." she mumbles, trying to get her sarcastic attitude back, but she was absolutely spent right now. "i'm fine."

he just grins, gently patting her cheek before he pulls away. she slowly lifts herself up, trying to fight her trembling legs and she sits up now, facing him. not being able to do anything more yet, her glare moving to her legs and the seat she made mess on. she feels her cheeks growing hotter, now suddenly embarrassed and trying to ignore his stare. this never happened to her with him before and she didn't know what he thought about it.

"sorry about... the seats" she mumbles, grimacing.

he raises his eyebrows, now seeing her embarrassment and he doesn't understand why. it was a little surprising but he felt so proud. he already wanted to make her do it all over again. "you f'real? don't even say sorry, ever again."

she's still not so sure, blushing even more as he wipes her cheeks from the smudged mascara and then runs his hand through her hair, trying to fix it a little bit. he smiles softly. "gonna clean this up later, don't you worry 'bout that, okay?"

chris then reaches into the center console for the tissues, grabbing them and spreading her legs with his hands. she watches him closely seeing how he starts just gently cleaning her up. this simple movement makes her feel the heat rising from her cheeks down to her neck, so she just covers her face with her hands shyly. not really being able to understand why is she so embarrassed this time, he grabs her wrists, forcing her hands to move away from her face.

"y'gotta be kiddin' me. don't hide from me, ma." chris mutters. "not when you made such pretty mess in my car."

with a quiet sigh, she lets him take her hands off of her face. she chews on her bottom lip nervously while he goes back to cleaning her up, touching her slightly as she was made from some kind of glass. it was even cute, how he just made sure she was fine. it's not their first rough sex, but this one was definitely more intense and for some reason felt so... different. she had this strange feeling in her chest, just seeing him focused on wiping her legs and how he didn't seem to care about his covered in her release seats. once he's done, he sits beside her, wrapping his hand around her shoulder and pulling her close. she doesn't like the silence, even if before it was never awkward, this one was bothering her as she couldn't stop feeling unfamiliar emotions.

"i ran out, by the way." she suddenly blurts out, making him laugh. there was no way in hell this girl was real.

"yeah? good to know. gonna give y'some more later."

"im paying this time."

"oh, you've paid enough already." she immediately looks up at him, smacking his shoulder and he chuckles in response, pretending to be in pain. "woaaahh, bein' a little brat again, hm?"

"that's not funny, im giving you money." her tone shows no objection, he smirks and nods, knowing he won't take anything from her anyway. they sit like that for a moment, before he speaks up, knowing he will get another hit after that.

"soooo... round two?"

"christopher, i swear to god."

_____________________________

a/n: oh my god this seems sooo long 😭 tell me what yall think, i feel like i kinda fucked up with the whole dealer vibe but lmk please! i honestly enjoyed writing that so who knows..

[lianasyappingsession]

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗜𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲.

˚ ༘♡Carl Grimes x reader

"there's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on"

cw: teen angst, mention of canon-violence & death, reader is Negan's "kid", swearing, slightly angst inner monologue, etc. tropes:enemies to lovers, slow-burn, found family summary: you have been with the saviors for years, so how did one line-up, no, one boy, change the way you see this ruined world? a/n: the timeline of canon twd events is sorta out of order, it's been awhile since i watched s7 when daryl was held by negan so everything is completely by memory yet the point still stands. hopefully this makes sense. not proof-read.

You shouldn't be doing this. What you were doing went completely against everything you've been taught. Everything. It was early morning. Maybe around six or seven. You don't exactly know. The one thing you do know is that Negan won't be around for a few hours as he's got a ton of shit to handle. Even though it was early morning you had been up for hours thinking.

Thinking about your current life. Thinking about how those around you treat each other. So cruel. Thinking about the way Negan, your mentor, treats you. Thinking about those people at the most recent line-up a few weeks ago.

About how awful all the blood and sounds of muffled cries were. About how you sat there on the uncomfortable gravel road and did nothing but watch the way Negan treated them, the same as the other two groups. It was the same yet arguably worse than Hilltop or the Kingdom. At the time it happened it didn't really matter to you. "Typical fools who messed with the wrong people" You thought. You thought that because that's what you were believed to think. Everyone wants to believe that they're the good guy. We're not. Nobody really is. You remember glancing at the pale, long-haired teen and seeing how his un-intimidated look turned into the look of a scared teen. At that moment you realized that he was no different from you. You guys may have been on opposite sides but you were both on opposite sides of the same coin. You can't describe it, but seeing him in that vulnerable state for those few seconds did something to you. It's like reality just smacked the hell out of you. And then a few days later when Negan and the Saviors went to go claim their stuff you were face-to-face with that teen again. By then you had learned his name, Carl, he was the son of their leader. You could see the resemblance. Hell, you could see a whole lot more than just the family relation Carl had with Rick, you saw this young teenage boy as a person. Carl was a person. A human. He was a kid. Just. Like. Yourself. The feeling was insufferable. Seriously. It made you sick. Up until seeing Carl you hadn't seen another teenager your age. You felt as if you were alone in his cruel and unforgiving world. But you weren't. Not anymore. Sure, you two haven't spoken a single word to one another, (unless you count the time you explained to him what a "south-paw" was right before Negan almost made his own father cut his arm off), but you've watched how he interacted with his people. His family. Those were his people. The people he trusted the most.

And perhaps it was simply because you hadn't really seen how the Hilltop people lived, nor the Kingdom folks, but being exposed to this much genuine love made you feel... off. It made you feel weird. You hadn't seen people actually care for one another in years since your dad died. Your dad died towards the beginning of when the world went to shit. It was just you two, then your scared and small world became a little bigger once your dad met and started to work for Negan. Your dad died a few months in yet Negan kept you around. You were like, thirteen, so obviously he's not THAT cruel. He kept you under this wing, made sure you ate and got treated well. He was, in a weird way, your father. Eventually your world became even bigger once the small communities like Hilltop and the Kingdom got introduced. You thought this would be an opportunity for a bigger safe space, more faces, new people, new stories, etc. But it wasn't. It wasn't and after a few years of no social interaction with kids your own age it took a toll on you. Maybe it wouldn't have been so, so bad if Negan had been around more but he had "important" stuff to handle. He always did. You felt alone. This feeling of loneliness and the regret of hurting people was too much. You realized you didn't want people to fear you. Fear was not the way to get respect, respect had to be earned. Trust had to be earned. Relations were never going to form if you kept on like this. All of this is exactly why you are where you are currently. On the south side of the huge Sanctuary you quietly and quickly wandered the halls and searched for the holding cell. The cell that the man, Daryl, was currently held in. You had to ask one of Negan's "wives", Sherry, for some info. It took some time but Sherry had always been sweet to you so she eventually caved in. You eventually start to hear a faint sound of a somewhat familiar song, Easy Street, playing in this certain hallway. As you got closer so did the music. You eventually found the source of the sound, a small radio, sitting on the outside of a large metal door. You reached down and lowered the music a little in order to hear your own thoughts. Should I really do this? Maybe I shouldn't.. No, No, we're already here. Sherry already knows. I have to do this. I have to.

You slowly unlocked the door and pulled the chain off. You waited a few moments and glanced at the clock, 7:02. "Good. Right on time for the guards to be on the east side of the building." You think. Gosh, you hoped this worked. You slowly start to pull the heavy metal door open. It was pinch blackness in the small room. A little cold as well. Peeking inside you see the color of an orange shirt and pants in the corner. A man. Daryl. "Um... hi." You sound super unsure. Almost as if you stumbled into the wrong room. "Look, uh, you don't have a lot of time. You can go out the south side of the building, today's Thursday I think so the guards shouldn't be on this side. You should be able to leave.." You quickly explain.

He stares at you for a few moments then speaks quietly. "Yer his kid, huh?" You nod slowly. "Yeah, but uh, that's not important right now. You need to leave. And whoops, it's a shame someone forgot to lock this door.." I say nonchalantly. I leave the door cracked slightly and bend down to turn the music back up a little. Right before I do I glance at you, "Good luck, you're gonna need it."

Once you're sure the door won't close you back up and then quickly turn on your heel and book it down the hallway. The sound of the music covers up the sound of your loud leather books hitting the floor tiles. You actually did it. For real.

You didn't feel as terrified as you thought you would. No. You felt slightly proud..? Whatever this feeling was it felt good. You ran down the halls and eventually made it to a staircase. You stopped to catch your breath. You knew someone was going to get in trouble for your random act of kindness but you didn't care. Fuck it. Fuck it all. You were no longer a scared little kid. You knew right from wrong and everything the Saviors have been doing is wrong, so wrong. You were getting out of here. Today. Now. You were going to choose your own life. Be the person you wish to be. More importantly, you were going to see Carl again. See Carl and this time properly talk to him. Prove that you were nothing like your da- Negan. Nothing. You were a little nervous now that the adrenaline was slowing down but for the first time in years you felt a small sense of hope. You felt good. You finally got the courage to be your own person. You were your own person and you hope that maybe the people in Alexandria would understand that. You needed them too. Not just Carl but Rick, Michonne, Maggie, all of them. And you were going to prove it. If it was the last thing you do, that would be it. So, did you really uproot your life of safety and disobey your "people" in order to free some random guy? Yes. At least that's what you tried to convince yourself that was the reason. It was totally that and not because deep-down you secretly found the young teenage boy cute. Totally not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

p.s: this is my first time writing something like this so hopefully it's good! may or may not make this isn't a multiple part series so yaaa idk

[letteredlettered]

Hello!! Firstly, I'd just like to say I've recently discovered your drarry work, and I have been reading your entire catalogue of it for the last week. Pulled all nighters can't stop reading it, reading it. I devoured The Boy Who Lived Twice in one sitting and I couldn't believe how well crafted it was. Blew my mind.

Now, all of this is to say, your prose has this elegant straightforwardness that is so succinct, so clear and so evocative. Your dialogue is absolute *perfection*. What are your influences? Books or authors you feel made an impression on you? I'd love to know what you read, because god I love what you write.

Thank you! I'm so glad you like my fics.

Jane Austen is a huge influence. Whenever my prose feels indistinct and overburdened, I return to her. She says things extremely sharply and cleanly.

Sarah Rees Brennan was a huge influence on me in terms of POV. I tend to write a very tight third person, so tight that the reader can generally see things the viewpoint character cannot. Check out the first book of The Demon's Lexicon series for one of the best examples of this I've read.

I spent a lot of time with Robin McKinley as a kid. I don't think that our styles match very well; she can do an ethereal, fairytale tone that I've kind of given up on. But what I loved best about her was that she could do that tone but then write something incredibly down to earth. I would check out Beauty or Deerskin for my favorite examples of this.

I actually also came into the style I write now writing for Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS) fandom. While most of the stories I wrote in that fandom didn't have very sharp dialogue, I remember writing a story (a WIP still languishing on livejournal, sadly) where I realized I had "found" my voice and style. It was extremely dialogue-heavy. BtVS was famous at the time for its extremely fast-paced, idiosyncratic, snappy dialogue. The dialogue is now considered dated, and the creator is a douche, but imo it's still great writing, especially the early shows. I still go back to it sometimes to figure out a conversation with multiple people, or to work on my humor.

As for authors that have made an impression on me, I'd check out George Eliot. My favorite book is Daniel Deronda. It has wonderful dialogue, especially for an older book. Dickens, Dostoevsky, and Hugo all made pretty big impressions on me as well; I think these big, hefty books with really big ideas really influenced my language, even though I would by no means call my style 19th c.

I'd also check out Rainbow Rowell. I wouldn't say she influenced the style I write with now, because I had it before I read anything by her, but she's one of the few contemporary authors I read and think, "Yeah, I'd write it like that." I think anything by her is a great read that can give you a lot to think about in terms of style.

In my mind, Sally Rooney is a little like Rowell in terms of a cleans style that packs a sharp analysis. I'd call Rowell more comfortable, funny, and genuine, while Rooney is a bit aloof and literary. I actually don't like the stories in her books very much, but I found Conversations with Friends particularly refreshing in terms of writing style.

C.S. Pacat's Captive Prince series also left an impression on me. It has a clean, simple style, with a narrator who doesn't see everything the reader does. And I also did learn a lot from the use of the word "said," in those books--it was something I already knew! and yet.

I think some fanfic that made a big impression on me is The Paradox Series, by wordstrings (Sherlock/John, Sherlock BBC), Spice, by eimeo (Kirk/Spock, Star Trek TOS), Children, Wake Up by hollycomb (Kylo Ren/Hux, Star Wars: The Force Awakens) and Tarnished Gold, by prim_the_amazing (Shen Yuan/Luo Binghe, Scum Villain's Self-Saving System). The styles in these fics vary, but each bowled me over at different points with how beautifully something was articulated or how spectacularly a scene was crafted. I think about Spice all the time in particular.

I'd also say that if you're thinking about dialogue in particular, I also love both Oscar Wilde's and Tom Stoppard's plays.

If you are a writer, I did write a series on writing dialogue. Check out the tag "lettered writes dialogue". The first post is here.

[withahappyrefrain]

for bradley and birdie! but i feel like he’s the one who doesn’t like scary movies 🤭

purposely suggesting a horror movie (even though they know they themselves hate horror movies) just so they have an excuse to cuddle up for the night

A chance to combine my love of horror movies with Bradley & Birdie? Don't have to tell me twice!

"Whatcha wanna watch?" Bradley's mustache tickles your cheek, then your nose when his lips move to kiss you there.

"Is it my pick tonight?" You giggled, fingers gripping the cable knit sweater that currently adorned his body.

"Sure is, got full reign Birdie." His words give you pause. Full reign? Did that mean-

"What's that horror movie you always go on about?" Bradley confirms, as if he could read your mind. He couldn't lie, your raised eyebrows kinda gave it away.

"You mean Hereditary? You would be okay watching that?"

Bradley nuzzles against your body, his head laying against your chest, your fingers toying with his sun kissed hair as he nodded.

"If it means I get to lay like this, absolutely," Bradley's words are genuine, so you grab the remote to find the chosen movie.

"This movie isn't that scary. It's creepy, but it's not scary." Bradley has now put all his body weight on you, like a mustached weighted blanket. Your fingers were idly scratching his scalp with your nails. If Bradley was a cat, he would absolutely be purring.

You could only chuckle, having seen the film over a dozen times, "Famous last words Roo."

"Like the kid is creepy and clearly grandma is haunting Toni Collete." so he had been paying attention.

"It's a slow burn, that's all I'll say," was your final warning. If it weren't for Bradley loving wrapping his arms around you, you would have been able to adopt a more serious tone. But how could you when he kept trying to get as close to you as physically possible?

Bradley shrugged. He was active duty in the Navy. Horror movies weren't his thing, mainly because he always thought he had seen enough in his lifetime.

"Birdie, what the absolute fuck?" You simply giggle, a stark juxtaposition to the image of a decaying head on the screen.

"It only gets worse," your tone was bright and happy, not matching the words at all.

"This is your favorite? You're sick, you know that? Might have to send you away," he rests his chin on your chest, looking directly at you with a lovesick expression.

"Oh, I one hundred percent would have been sent to the sea side for hysteria in the early nineteen hundreds," you grab a piece of popcorn, popping it into your mouth, "I think we should bring that treatment back. Going to the beach would probably calm me down, especially if you're playing football there."

Bradley scoffs, mocked objection lacing his words, "You really can't stop sexualizing your old man, can you?"

"It's better than making grandpa jokes. I still can't believe you were too old during the Naked Brothers Band era," you roll your eyes, although a smittened smile remains on your face.

"And I still can't believe a prime television network named a show that. So like, how freaky does this get?" There's thinly veiled concern in his question.

"Oh, we haven't even reached the tip of the iceberg," you pause, "Just let me know if it gets too much. We can watch something else, like Airplane or-"

Bradley shooks his head, "No, this is an important movie to you, I wanna watch."

It's then you realize that Bradley isn't in it for the spooks, or those Pillsbury ghost cookies (though they are a treat). No, he was sitting through this movie to be with you, to hold you.

It almost made you want to stop the movie before it got to the fucked up part.

Almost.

[ilsolefiesta]

the unpleasant thing about asteroids

hello-hello, long time no see! this month has been crazy, but here we are again. today I want to talk about an important topic that might make some people disappointed or even angry with me. some might say that I don't understand astrology at all.  the issue I want to raise is the total madness surrounding various asteroids and their persona charts. take it easy, it's not more than a fun addition to "real" astrology. 

however, the fact that people have become suddenly obsessed with finding their Aphrodite asteroid in order to check if they are necessarily extremely beautiful... (note: guys, Aphrodite is simply the Greek name for Venus, which was already occupied...)

or Boda, for example. how will my wedding look? c'mon, Boda was only discovered in 1938. unlike the main planets and objects which have been observed since ancient times, and some for at least 200-400 years, modern asteroids discovered recently may not actually have any patterns yet. and the names are mostly given according to astronomical standards and the imagination of those who discovered them. sometimes, I come across really bizarre and far-fetched facts that are presented as genuine astrological observations. and many people become really disappointed when they don't find Fama in their 1st house/Leo/5 degree. do you want me to create a similar "100% true" fact right in front of your eyes? if asteroid Mr. Spock (2309) forms a conjunction with your Venus, then "Star Trek" is destined to be your favorite movie. (well, the asteroid actually gets its name from the discoverer's cat)  absurd, right? another example: there's an asteroid named Tomhanks (12818). oh. my. god. it falls to my 1st house! (I'm not kidding, btw) does it mean Tom Hanks has a great influence on my life or personality? I couldn't even remember his face until I looked up a photo...

want more? my best friend has a slightly unusual internet nickname. she calls herself "Stasik", which is a diminutive of a Russian boy's name. she has her own funny story about how and why she chose this nickname, and it has become strongly associated with her personality. guess what? exactly. there is also an asteroid called Stasik (4131) and it makes me feel cringey even to write that I've checked it... well, this name is literally a part of who she is, so there must be some connection, right? it's just in her 9th house. that's all. NOTHING special. I want to emphasize one thing: I'm not against asteroids, and I use them myself often. however, there is a point where it can become a strange form of self-made astrology with even less evidence than traditional astrology. everyone has the right to believe what they want, but my opinion is like that:

some asteroids, such as "Starr" and "Glo", don't necessarily make you a star, even if they are in a harsh conjunction with your ASC. and the absence of these asteroids in "important" houses doesn't mean you lack star potential. btw, why is "Glo" associated with popularity, actually? why can't it simply represent the fact that you smoke a tobacco heater of the same name lmao? I hope you understand what I'm saying. astrology is more complex than people think, which is why it's easy to manipulate facts. that's okay, but please stay rational. I always say this, but astrology can help provide insights, but it shouldn't define or rule your life. 

take care and thank you for reading! Picture credits: mine

[evilbihan]

It's interesting how the game never calls Bi-Han a "traitor". Sure, some of the characters do, but the game itself never refers to him that way.

One of his gear pieces is called "Wayward Son" and that is what he is, someone who strayed from the right path and lost himself in his own ambition. He made one wrong choice, one he regrets, if you listen closely to his intros with some characters, like Shang Tsung or Kitana, and it's ridiculous how certain people try and write him off as an evil turncoat who is lost beyond redemption. Liu Kang will try and (at least partially) succeed at bringing him back to the light. I don't get why people are trying to deny Bi-Han any character development and pin him to that one mistake he made or force the traitor role onto him when that's never who he was to begin with.

Bi-Han is the one getting betrayed, constantly, throughout his life. His father kept secrets from him, his brothers turn their backs on him when all he wanted was for them to be part of the future he envisioned for their clan. Even Frost wants to eclipse him and will undoubtedly betray him at some point. His own allies want to kill him after he helped them escape from captivity. Bi-Han has no one he can trust. He's entirely on his own. That may be his own fault to some extent, but I genuinely can't understand how people can be so blind to his suffering or worse, want to see him suffer even more? He's already bearing the consequences of his actions and it's painful to witness.

To get back to the point I made in the beginning, has anyone else noticed how the invasions mode nodes and encounters also never call Bi-Han a traitor or anything of the likes? I've seen Tanya's nodes and even some of her seasonal skins referencing her betrayal in previous timelines, even if nothing hints at her being a traitor this time around. In Bi-Han's encounters, the game only calls him "Ice Fighter", "Chill Initiate", "Snowfall Brother" or "Matchless Cryomancer", always refering to two things, Bi-Han's skills and his affiliation with the cold. That is who he is and always was. A cold, ruthless fighter. That hasn't changed in the current timeline and it makes no sense how some fans claim he was ruined because he made one bad decision.

When equipping Johnny as the announcer voice, the most negative thing he has to say about Bi-Han is that he's bossy, as opposed to how he speaks of actual villains like Shang Tsung ("Hate this guy" etc.). There are no references to his supposed "betrayal" which is why I believe it's only going to be a small part at the very beginning of his character arc that won't hold much relevance for the future, especially as the story develops more, except to serve as a reason for Kuai Liang and him to be enemies.

The way the game speaks of Bi-Han always sounds bittersweet to me and so do the names of his skins/gear pieces. It's almost like a parent talking to or about a stubborn kid that won't take their advice. One of my favorite examples is the kombat league skin that was added this season named "It's cold outside, Bi-Han". It reminded me of Liu Kang telling Bi-Han to "come in from the cold" and I think it's heart wrenchingly beautiful how even outside of the story mode and intros the tragedy that is Bi-Han's story is being acknowledged by the game through all those small subtle references.

One could argue that I'm reading too much into these details but I think some of you don't do that enough. There's 20+ characters on the main roster, the story would have to be dozens of hours long to give all of them in depth background stories and fully flesh them out so we can empathize with their motives. It's hard to understand Bi-Han's character unless you start looking at these small bits and pieces of lore and unfortunately, not enough people do that.

[jasontoddsotherhalf]

A Short Simon Snow Character Analysis:

"Simon needed time. He needed care. He still startled at bright lights and sudden noises. And prolonged eye contact. He'd get jumpy when we were alone together." (Any Way The Wind Blows pg 85)

"On the worst days, on the even worse nights, I used to think about all the bad things that have happened to Simon– just the ones I know about. And then I'd wonder about all the terrible things that have happened to him that I DON'T know about. Twenty years of bad things. How long would it take for those painful memories to die back?" (Any Way The Wind Blows pg 86)

Simon is genuinely one of the saddest chosen ones I've ever read about, and I feel like its ignored by the fandom a lot. Like the book series is always portrayed as funny and light hearted and it is sometimes but at the root it's sad and heart wrenching. However, it's also really creative and has a tone of parallels and connections and like the whole concept of the chosen one fulfilling his purpose and no longer being needed anymore isn't used often. A lot of the times the Chosen one's issues aren't even addressed at ALL its just "Oh he went through a lot as a child but the bad guy is dead now and he got the girl (or guy) so it's fine, he's happy"

Simon was used by everyone his whole life. The Mage, the rest if the world of mages, even Penny and Agatha a bit too, (which Penny realizes and admits in AWTWB). Simon was left as a child at an orphanage where we really don't know much about his life, because he doesn't know much either. In Wayward Son, Simon talks to his therapist about not remembering a lot before he was 11 and she says the brain blocks out things that have traumatized or hurt us in the past. When Simon is 11 and comes to Watford, he speaks so little the teachers have to give him private lessons, and when that doesn't work he gets a speech therapist. A few other details a are given as well such as how Simon jumped from orphanages and Foster homes. All these allow us to infer that he didn't have a good childhood, and stuff probably happened to him.

The Mage becomes Simon's only father figure, and even then Simon says he never felt like a father. The Mage treated Simon like a weapon, and even lied to him about being his father. The Mage could have made things much easier for himself by raising Simon, but he chose to just leave him till he was 11 because he didn't feel like raising his own kid. "Maybe it's part of what the Mage did to me. He said he got me wrong, that I was a cracked vessel. I can't hold on to anything good." (AWTWB pg 65) the Mage only payed attention to Simon when it benefited him. Simon was an object to him, and if you remember in Carry On, it was obvious to literally everyone but Simon, who didn't want to believe he was being manipulated. It turned him into a killing machine.

Often times I feel as if the fandom portrays Simon as some talkative goofball, but that's completely ignoring his character. Simon says in Carry On that he doesn't think because in the end he just does what people tell him too. But that's not true. He does think, all the time, he just pushes away the stuff he doesn't want to think about, thinking about other things to muffle out these unwanted thoughts. Baz also says in Carry On that most conversations with Simon are just Simon shrugging. We feel as though Simon talks a lot because when it's his POV he's always rambling, but this is because Simon has a strong inner monolouge.

Simon had no adult figures in his life to lean on. Every character had someone, despite their maybe complex relationships. Baz has Fiona, and the two are close despite the tension and arguing. Penny has her mom and dad, despite their differences, they all love each other a ton. And Agatha has her parents, who do care about her. Simon never has a firm foundation. Not the Mage, Penny's mom barley likes him, Agatha's family only treats him well because he's the chosen one and dating Agatha, and Baz's family straight up despises him. Everyone else also has friends to lean on too, once you get later into the series. Agatha has a Ginger and even Penny, Penny has Baz and Shepard, Baz has Dev and Niall whom he chooses to sort of ghost, but also Penny. And they all have Simon. But I couldn't help but notice that whenever Simon tried to communicate, he was shut down.

Simon is bad at communicating. They all address this multiple times. But it's the fact that his friends don't even have faith that he'll survive. Multiple times from all POVS it talks about how everyone expected Simon to die, and they're all talking about how they would feel and how it affects them knowing that, but no one ever asked Simon. And Simon is aware of this too, but he just once again ignores it. No one wants a hero who's scared to die for his cause. Simon is shit at communication, but he has his own ways of showing that at least something IS wrong, that Penny and Baz have learned how to read, yet ignore when it's not convenient. Baz and Penny take Simon on a trip out to America, but it wasn't about Simon. Penny had ulterior motives, to see Micah and Agatha. Then the whole situation happened there, and though obviously Baz had nothing going on with Lamb, it clearly made Simon insecure and upset. But Baz just gets annoyed at him for it instead of trying to figure out the root of the issue.

A scene that always irked me in WS is the one where Simon comes back with his hair cut, after months of neglecting it because of his depression. And Baz says nothing, because he's too busy feeling sorry for himself. This may have seemed like a small thing but Simon literally couldn't leave the couch, for almost a year. His self hatred and issues were so bad he couldn't get up. So he finally makes this step, cutting his hair, trying to get better...and Baz basically ignores it.

Another thing is the end if WS when they're on the beach. Simon is trying to say how he feels, in his own way. That he isn't good enough for Baz, Baz should find someone else. And Baz just shuts him down, like he always does. Like he always does when Simon tries to communicate his feelings about being the chosen one, and what happened with the Mage. Then they get back to England, and Baz just acts like nothing happened. Simon shouldn't have ignored all his texts, and shouldn't have moved out leaving just a note, but he doesn't know how to communicate. No one taught him how to do this, all he knows is he needs to figure his shit out and no one currently in that situation, was really helping him.

I see a lot of people hating on AWTWB because Simon and Baz break up, because their relationship is admittedly toxic, and then get together the next day. But I think it makes perfect sense. They both love each other so so much, and they have an unhealthy attachment. Often with toxic relationships, especially when we love each other and want them to work out, we keep coming back in hopes of fixing things. Both boys have severe abandonment issues, and they don't want to loose each other.

I also see people hating on WS and AWTWB because Baz and Simon aren't all happy. Like legit, that is why I see those books getting the most hate. But it makes sense. People's pasts have an effect on them and how they behave. Simon killed the only father figure really he'd ever had. And he still doesn't understand the extent of abuse said man put him through. Simon doesn't know how to put himself first. Like when they're fighting the vampire's in WS, and simon is on the brink of death, he STILL stands up because that's what people have expected him to do all his life. Baz wants everything to be okay and happy and ignore their issues, because that's what they've done his whole life in his family, ignoring problems like him being a vampire. And what Simon desperately needs is to approach his, but he doesn't know how deep his issues run, except that he's a broken, fucked up, mess. He has ptsd, depression, and anxiety, and doesn't know how to help himself.

Overall, Simon's character holds a complexity that often times I see ignored. The story is romantic, and cute. I love Snowbaz as much as the next person. But you can't fully appreciate the story until you actually understand the depth of the characters, especially starting with Simon Snow.

Thank you, have a nice day <3

[walrus150915]

Happy pride, Nimona fandom :3

I gotcha some sketches! Gotta place them in different parts of the post so that you read everything

It's not just drawings I got HEADCANONS for you too!

Off topic but I love Nimona's design SO MUCH it's so AMAZING TO DRAW AGHHH

So

⚧Nimona LGBTQ+ specific headcanons of mine🏳‍🌈

• I've made a conclusion that if queer flags exist in Nimona universe, as well as gay drag bars (so was confirmed in the artbook), then labels DO exist. As well as good old homophobia??? I suppose????

• Nimona doesn't have a specific label because she thinks they are sorta restrictive. Also she just doesn't need one lol, if somebody asked her about her gender she'd say "Nimona"

• She'd wear the heck out of a "protect trans kids" shirt she bought no she ain't feeding into the capitalist machine she stole it

• There was something between Nimona and Gloreth but Nimona can't exactly say what for sure. Not exactly romantic but not strictly platonic. Homegirl had that toxic doomed kindergarten yuri going on😭

• Nimona doesn't look for romantic relationships. She explains it as "romance is for sappy dumb-dumbs" but in reality she just doesn't want to date and romantically love somebody who'll. Eventually die and leave her all by herself again yk (oh this got angsty real fast)

• Maybe one day Ballister tried to help her find her label (because he still tries to put things in boxes) and she just waved it off

Speaking of Ballister

• My man is transgender. Do I even have to explain. Read one of those posts that explain his transness better LMAO

• He started his medical transition as a teenager and had to fit right in not to disrupt the Institute's function. If he's a man then he has to transition QUICKLY so that others don't notice

• Because of that he's a transmedicalist and probably an enbyphobe at the start of the movie, thinking only one type of valid transness exists, and it's the one that is very binary and restrictive

• At the end he realizes the wrong of his ways and works on the internalized transphobia

• He came to terms with his homosexuality a bit easier. "It's always been boys" yk the drill

A couple of words about his boy lol

• Ambrosius is a painfully cisgender gay man. I genuinely apologize to all Transbrosius believers but he gives off STRONG cis vibes can't have a character with this surname dickless

• He's a trans ally but his opinions on trans issues were like. Very closed-minded. He supported but didn't entirely understand. Of course it changed as he went through ✨character development✨

• He was fully supportive of Ballister on his trans journey. Reassured him when Ballister felt like he wasn't enough, tried to make his boyfriend as secure as possible, loving every part of him

There should be a bunch of rather suggestive headcanons but this isn't that type of post LOL

No but think about Ambrosius kissing down Ballister's body and across his chest scars. This is my ultimate dream as a trans man

• Ambrosius also rocks a "protect trans kids" shirt that's for SURE

• He came to terms with his queerness as a teenager and had a whole crisis about it. As a Goldenloin he had the expectations of ✨continuing Gloreth's bloodline✨ thrown at him back in childhood so he sorta internalized that. Then boom, my boy is g a y and oh how gay he is!

• Click here to read about my headcanons on goldenheart when they had only started falling in love :D

• Ambrosius made inoffensive jokes about Ballister's transness. Like yk those goofy puns like "baby you put men in MENstruation", "omg does this make your parents transparent". Ballister smiled at them and rolled his eyes but also silently appreciated his bf's support, although expressed so stupidly

• He also made sure Ballister took proper care of his body because you know Ballister would not bind safely, being a dumb teen

Anyway yeah gay people

Unpopular opinion but we as a fandom should start drawing Bal with a disability queer pride flag

Side characters headcanons, anyone? XD

• Diego came out as nonbinary after the events of the movie. He got that he/they swag going on

• Also Ballister was his queer awakening FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. He had the stupidest, most childish celebrity crush on Bal. Maybe Bal formed Diego's type in men fjfhhx I like to think Diego got a boyfriend whose attitude is similar to Bal's

• Remember those news anchors? (they are so underrated omg) Well Nate Knight has a husband and Alanzapam Davis is a bi queen🙏

• Speaking of queens. Valerin is a straight ally💪💪 I imagine her being quite iconic on the Kingdom's queer side of the internet. They call her "mother" and stuff aajjaj

• the Director is homophobic, need I say more? So is Todd but I actually imagine him being a type of guy to reject his queerness

Haha mailman *winks at yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt*

• Todd had NO idea Ballister was trans. NONE

• The Kingdom has pride events!! Ambrosius and Ballister were very happy and excited to attend those as an official couple once they were out :}

• Nimona attended them every year, ofc she had to hide her true nature but it was fun for her to march along! And it was even more fun when everyone accepted her!!

Anyway yeah this was very fun to make!! Happy pride y'all, lmk what you think ;D

[account-name]

Five headcannons you have about Phone Guy ?

[EDIT: all of this was written months before the week before came out. some of my hcs have been adjusted slightly since then although most of this still applies]

yayyyyy thank you so much for the ask this is the first time i've been asked about him !!! this ended up a bit long because i wanted to fit in all my important phone guy lore because i've never gotten the opportunity to talk about him

i apologize if this is a bit all over the place and hard to read i'm not good at putting my thoughts into words

also i might reblog with more if i think of anything big i missed

he drinks way too much coffee. he needs to stay awake and alert all the time so he can continue to be productive despite his inconsistent sleep schedule (he gets nightmares which get more and more frequent over time) (and he is also being overworked which is not a good combo) (he doesn't remember the last time he's had a day off) so he uses the caffeine as a way to make up for that. plus he also just genuinely likes how coffee tastes. he also used to smoke but he stopped when his ex wife (marilyn) was pregnant with fritz, so he at least got over that one (if i didn't mention it yet he is fritz's dad btw). caffeine is the only addiction that he still actively struggles with by the time he dies.

he has a confusing relationship with his gender. i think in the normal fnaf timeline he unfortunately dies an egg and never gets the chance to think about it fully but in any au where he lives past that and learns that being trans is a thing he would proceed to have a gender crisis. (fun fact in the au i made specifically for selfshipping daydream lore he is working that out in real time) (i am supporting him every step of the way :) ) he is questioning and he has no idea how he identifies at the moment but that guy is not a man. he does still have a trans pin in the normal fnaf timeline but he doesn't actually know what it means. he found it while cleaning the ballpit one day and decided to keep it because it was kinda neat. he IS trans but he doesn't know it yet. i generally still refer to him with he/him since those are the only pronouns he ever used but depending on the au i think eventually he might experiment with other pronouns in the future. change is scary though so it would definitely take him awhile to get to that point. especially since he's been repressing his emotions for so long. (EDIT: she is now using he/she pronouns :3)

i've touched on this one before but he was working the day his son was murdered. he brought fritz to work with him thinking he could multitask but phone got caught up with work and wasn't paying enough attention to notice fritz getting lured to the back room. he didn't notice his son was missing until it was too late. he absolutely blames himself for it and it eats him up inside. he goes through a messy divorce shortly after since marilyn blames him too. poor phone guy has no one left except his bosses. at least they always cared about him right? they saw his potential when no one else did and he was their best employee. except no they didn't. william was actively manipulating him to do his bidding and henry just didn't care about him at all. poor phone guy. but he still puts on a happy face and pretends everything is fine until he can't anymore. he also blames himself for the other missing children because he was too far in denial and desperately wanted to believe that it wasn't what it looked like so he didn't do anything to stop it when other kids started disappearing. he knew what was happening he just couldn't bring himself to accept it. and then it was too late. he hates himself for that.

he's helped william hide bodies. not the missing children obviously, but whenever other employees happen to know a little too much and they turn up dead in the morning, someone's gotta clean it up. he's had to sweep so much under the rug. it's horrible but phone guy can't say anything or else it will all get pinned on him. phone guy getting framed for murder wouldn't help the situation much either. maybe it was the cowards way out to give in to the blackmail but he was put in a horrible situation and made the choice he had to to get out of it. he helped dispose bodies of his coworkers. it doesn't help that he trusted william and looked up to him for so long. he was one of the only people to ever say he was proud of him. and look where he ended up.

i can't decide on another singular hc to write an entire paragraph on so here's a bunch of small ones instead:

he dabbled in theatre in highschool. he wasn't a dedicated theatre kid or anything and definitely didn't continue after graduating but he did good

he has a beautiful singing voice. he'll get embarrassed if you overhear him though

he witnessed both bites, and sees 87 as his own fault since jeremy was following the instructions phone gave him

he's a breakfast enjoyer :)

he was born in 1957 and died at the age of 36 . fritz was conceived when he was 21

similar to his gender, his sexuality is also a mystery. he's probably ace but as for romantic orientation who knows

he likes to read. it's one of the only hobbies he has time for

he likes sci-fi and is a fan of star trek

he idly hums while he works

when he was a kid his parents had very high expectations for him and expected him to do something big with his life. they weren't bad parents but they weren't the best either. they were very strict with him especially when it came to school. (gifted kid burnout weeeoo)

he has a little sister (phone dude's mom) however he doesn't really have any contact with her or anyone else in his family at the time of fnaf as they moved away from utah and he did not follow them.

i love all the phone biology hcs mentioned in @ask-the-phone (sorry if you didn't want to be tagged lmk i can remove it) so those apply to my phone guy as well. (he molts periodically, his mouth is on the receiver, esophagus cord, ect.)

gives the best hugs

touch starved and very easily flattered

//⚠️cw attempted suicide for the next couple //

this is a dark one but he went into fnaf one knowing full well he was going die, and to an extent hoping for it. this is when he was at his absolute lowest. he was never going to get through that week. i think if for whatever reason the animatronics didn't kill him he would've finished the job himself. he's scared of death but he couldn't imagine a future for himself and didn't think he even deserved one. fnaf 1 was an act of suicide. despite this he still tries to leave helpful reassuring messages for mike to help him survive the week, even up until his last moments.

he tried to take his own life after the bite of 87. maybe also after the divorce too. it didn't work and he just had to go back to work afterward and pretend he was okay. he was not.

[ok back to the other hcs]

fritz always used to put stickers on phone's face. he continues to wear the stickers to remember him

while his head is phone shaped it's entirely biological. it's essentially like a bug exoskeleton. he was born like that and it's not questioned because that's a completely normal way for people to look. sometimes people are just phones

his head is also functional as a phone though. don't ask me how

he purrs when he's comfy.

in the movie universe he is alive and well and living a life outside of freddy's. he worked there briefly and recorded some tapes and then left before it all went wrong. i guess in this au his bosses never really saw him as anything special this time. his son still dies and he probably still gets divorced but phone is able to move on and heal and live his own life. good for him.

i think if phone guy didn't work at freddy's he would've made a good teacher

he is so full of autism

very much a perfectionist unfortunately

not easily angered, but he can get frustrated at times. he bottles it up though so he seems fine until he finally snaps

and that's the list i came up with so far :) i might add more if i think of anything important i forgot but thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to finally talk about my phone guy !!! :)

edit:

-in honor of the news, his middle name is ralph, making his full legal name phone ralph guy (because that is just so funny to me)

[sensei-venus]

Serpent-Cide (2/?)

(Unedited) (IDK what to tag for this chapter.)

(Part One|Part Two|Part Three|TBA|)

Veronica’s gaze seemed to stare into my soul to a point thought she was trying to read my thoughts. Though she wouldn't find many at this point. My only thought in the moment was trying to find a way out of this shitty situation.

“Reader can you please come over here, I have a list of students for you as well. You will need to show them around for the next week or so until they are acclimated.” she said with a serious tone. She waved a piece of paper around, pointing it in my direction. I chewed on the inside of my cheek. A few drops of blood welled in my mouth as I looked at her, but I knew people where looking at me now. I could feel their states, from both sides of the room.

This is what I dreaded about even doing this stupid thing.

Now I really did wish I would have just skipped this whole gawk feast.

I gently clawed at my backpack straps and walked over to them. Archie stepped out of the way so I could reach the other girl. I quickly and quietly took the paper from her hand. She gave only a small almost emotionless smile. It was like there was nothing there. No real feeling behind the borderline dead smile. Girls like Veronica, like Cheryl, were really good at faking those little smiles.

Just looking at her like that made me shiver a little. I tried my best to suck it up and pretend I couldn't tell it wasn't real.

Cheryl scoffed from a foot or so away from us and rolled her eyes.

“Oh of course you guys had to get tubby involved in this mess. Can't believe you talked Little Miss Lard Ass into coming out and helping you with this little degenerate fest your having.” she laughed. It echoed through the hallway. A few people laughed alongside her but I didn't pay much attention to it. It wasn't the first time she or any of these other assholes made a fat joke about me. Wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last time she heard it out of one of their mouths. I simply rolled my eyes and kept reading the paper I was given.

“Yeahhhh Cheryl, Lard Ass is just a tad bit warmer than the soul-sucking succubus that you are these days. These people came to get an education, not to get their souls ripped from their bodies in order to feed your ever-growing ego.” I muttered. It was loud enough that she scoffed in pure shock. A few people around me laughed, Betty paled a little while Veronica smirked a little. Archie’s seemed to zip his lip at the comment.

I looked up from the paper to find Cheryl glaring at me, her face turing that classic cherry red of hers. She almost looked to be steaming which was a sight for sour eyes. Digging myself into a hole with one of the biggest people in town was horrible to think about, but at this point, I didn't want to think too hard about it. Staying out of the spotlight was my thing, but dipping my toe into some drama every once in a while to piss someone like Cheryl off was worth it.

Being able to infuriate a girl like Cheryl Blossom was a treat.

A small look of genuine confusion seemed to cross some of the newcomer's faces. I didn't expect them to understand how my words burned the other girl so badly. But they would eventually learn the food chain of the school. It was just a matter of time. I could only imagine what SouthSide High’s food chain looked like. It was probably even more nasty than the one here. We had to deal with rich kids and steroid junky jocks.

They had to deal with gangbangers and regular junkies.

Both Reggie and Cheryl made a loud exit as they grew board of their surroundings. Realizing their little game was getting old for the time being.

“Any of you do a thing out of line, I'll know about it.” She hissed. Soon enough she was storming up the stairs with a group of cheerleaders. Reggie smirked in my direction. I felt like gagging at the sight. He was quick to follow Cheryl, some of the jocks close behind. The sound of their voices boomed up the staircase.

My attention was drawn back to the paper in my hand.

I felt kinda of lucky after reading over the list, I only had about four people to look after. I did find it comical that they decided to stick Jughead with me. Poor guy was already a student, he left a few weeks ago and now he's back. It's as if he was never even a student at the school, treating him like some no-name transfer student.

Said once and I'll say it again, this school blows.

The next few minutes went by in a blur as the new students flooded the table. Snatching up paper after paper until the whole table was completely picked over and cleaned. Not one single schedule or map was left. It was only a few minutes later that the excitement started to slowly die down. Small groups of southsiders started to line the hall, talking with each other and going over their schedules together. It was clear that most of them seemed to be hoping to stick together.

Wishing to be put into the same classes as one another. I could feel for them in that since, being stuck into a new school surrounded by kids that hated them already. Not just because they where in a gang, but because they came from a different side of town that was labeled a shit hole.

I tried my best to not look at them with pity, but it was hard. It was hard not to feel bad for them.

I sighed to myself and looked at the paper one more time. There was only a small scene of relief that filled me as I found one particular name, it stuck out like a thumb.

Jughead Jones, types in a bold black font.

My eyes where quick to scan the small crowed, finding his iconic beanie. That thing was like a beacon. The guy has been wearing that things since…forever? I can still remember seeing him in middle school wearing the same exact hat. He occasionally switched some of the pins on it every once in a while. But I could tell that it was the same one.

Jug and me where decent acquaintance, possibly better then my relationship with Betty. JugHead didn’t bother to make a friendship with me what so ever. He hardly asked questions, didn’t try to insert himself into my business and didn’t make a big effort to go out of his way to bother me.

Sitting in silence was good enough for the both of us.

Which was just what I wanted.

My feet carried me over to him and the little group he was talking to. Four of them stud talking about something in a small circle in whispers. As soon as I made my presence know they separated.

Looking at Jug I raised a brow, no longer did he act like the guy I knew. His stance and posture were looser than usual, more toned. He stood taller with his shoulders proud and strong.

Did Jughead grow more of a backbone sense I last saw him? Maybe hanging out in the southside did something for him. Out of nowhere I got a feeling, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stick up. Maybe Jughead finally ended up following in his dad’s footsteps. It wasn’t that out there of a possibility.

“Really can't believe they roped you into doing this. What did they threaten you with this time? It's got to be something big to get you to hang around anyone in this school.” Jug mused as he looked by way. His eyes filled with a bit of amusement. His natural sarcasm seemed to ooze out. I rolled my eyes saying “ They threatened me using the stupid ass volunteer hours, apparently I don't have any for this semester. It was either I do this or they pull something out of a hat to get me with at the end of the year. And as you can tell, no one was exactly jumping to get this opening.” I crossed my arms. He didn't say mush to that, only giving a small nod. The guy behind him, the one with the tattoo on his neck didn't seem to get it.

“What are you to scared of us? Like the rest of you shitty northsiders!” the guy almost barked. Once again rage seemed to flare up inside him, quickly bursting out of the seems. He definitely had some minor anger issues going on. His brows knitted together and his adams apple bobbed. I tried my best not to flinch at his harsh tone. Jug looked like he wanted to say something but it died on his tongue.

I snapped back “You think I really fucking care? Half of these kids have only heard about the southside, they haven't even left the this side of the tracks their whole lives. The only reason why they make a big deal about it is because it's a chain reaction of the rich people on the northside wanting to show off how classiest they are. You think I've been to the southside?” the guy was silent.

“Iv seen a bit of it but have never actually been. Last time I checked, Southsiders don't make a huge habit of coming all the way over here for fun. Iv never done anything to you guys and you haven't done anything to me. So, once again, why the fuck should I care about any of you so long as you aren't messing with me?” my tone was slightly aggravated with a sense of boredom backing it. It wasn't every day someone tried to pick a real fight with me.

Then again I had never actually met a real southside serpent before. 

There was a long pause of silence between all five of us. We all just stud around, not another word being uttered. Jughead cut the act for a moment and scratched at the back of his head. Seeming to be a bit embarrassed at the other teens outburst, even the girl next to him seemed annoyed. Unlike Jug she seemed to be more use to his outbursts, she simply rolled her eyes at him.

“Reader I-”

“No I get it Jughead, they're being cautious. But-” I paused and looked at the taller boy “Just know that I probably dislike this school and the people in it just as much as them. I don't like this school, I don't like the kids, and most of all I don't give two shits about this town. If you want to start something, take that crap to the jocks not me.” he stepped back a little bit. His face was ever so slightly relaxed. Just enough that the crease in his brow disappeared. I could still see the way his ears flushed under his dark black locks. His gaze shifted from me to the guy beside him, the shorter serpent gave him a hard look. They stared at each other for a good minute before he finally relaxed.

Jaw locked hard as he just looked back in my direction.

Shuffling a little I handed the paper still held to Jughead. He took a moment and looked it over before handing it back.

“So you got me and these guys.” he threw a thumb behind him.

“Im guessing, if you have a Toni, Fang and Sweet Pea??” I said with a little bit of question at the end. I wanted to question the name Fang but I also wanted to know the reason behind Sweet Pea. Fang was an interesting name, to say the least. But Sweet Pea? That was both sweet and odd. It wasn't a very comment nickname to my knowledge, maybe a sweet endurance kinda of thing. Never had I met someone who actually went by the nickname before on a daily basis. The girl tried to hold back a snicker, covering her mouth with her jacket sleeve which didn't go unnoticed by the others. She was quick to cough trying to cover her slip-up.

“If we could just all chill out for one second, please. Reader isn't a threat to the serpents, I can cover her on that.” Jug said looking back at his friends. They all kinds looked at each other, thinking on if they could actually trust his word. Seconds later it looked like they had reached some sort of unspoken argument. The other three nodded to one another before looking back at me.

“So do you want my help or not? Knowing you Jughead, this is a cake walk being you have already gone to school here. Do you want me to help your little friends or not? I still have to do something to at least look a little busy like I'm actually helping you guys out.” the idea to leave all of that stuff up to Jughead crossed my mind. He was smart, he could do all the stuff the school wanted me to help out with. But then it felt kinda of mean to just dump it all on him. There were three different people he would have to show around school and then to all their classes. I may be a ass in my own right but…it just seemed wrong.

“How about we split it? I already know where all of my classes are. Let's check their schedules, I'll take who ever has most of my classes and you take the ones who have more of your classes. Deal?” he quirks a brow my way. I give a small nod and watch as he collects the other's class schedules. Stepping over to me we both check over their papers.

A spark of hope went through me as I noticed only one of them seemed to have a good portion of classes with me.

Sweet Pea.

“Seems like I'll be taking Sweet Pea off your hands then.” I gave a half smile to Jug. All he did was him before stuffing the other papers into his friend's hands again. Looking over them again my eyes land on the girl. She gave me a smile but before I could even give one back, my hopes of being stuck with another girl were dashed.

The tattooed boy stepped out of the group and walked closer to me.

I could feel my eye begging to twitch behind my eyelid.

Why the fuck did “Sweet Pea” have to be what looked to be a six-three-tattooed man. One who just minutes ago was trying to get into my face.

“Well this is Sweet Pea. I'll trust you will be as nice as YOU can possibly be right. No bumping him in the hallway when you get tired of him. I know your way.”

“Please tell me you're not still mad when I left your ass in the gym that one time because you wouldn't take the hint to leave me alone.”

“Maybe I am, just a tiny bit.” he said with a bit of annoyance. Leave it to Jug to be still pissed about such a little thing.

“Now Sweet Pea, try not to bite off her head. We will meet you at lunch.” He said looking up at the other boy. Sweet Pea rolled his eyes as he watched Jughead start walking off. The girl who I could only now assume was Toni patted him on the shoulder before following Jug. Fang grinned at him and just laughed, giving him a hard slap to the should before jogging off to catch up with the other two. Sweet Pea grimaced as he watched them leave. His eyes trailed down the hall until they disappeared around a sharp corner. I couldn't help but do the same, watching them go.

“So are you going to show me around this place or what?” his voice made me shiver. It was deep and echoed. It wasn't thick but rang in my ear as he spoke. The angriness from his voice had long died. Now all that filled it was sarcasm and mischief. It was laced into a simple statement. 

“Your going to be a pain in the ass aren't you?”

All he did was smirk before ripping his schedule from my hands.

I can't have nice things can I.

(Don't worry y'all, Sweet Pea will have more attention next chapter promise! We just have to work up to it. This is a slow-building fix.😚)

[corruptedfilessys]

DISCLAIMER

This is simply an awareness post!! If you still wanna support c0stiffen or whatnot, that's fine, and I'll try my best to respect that. I simply wanna share my experiences with them and a few of their friends.

If you're an adult, you can move over to a document that I have made that includes all important information WITH screenshots and evidence.

ADULTS ONLY

If you're a minor, this post is a quick run down of what's in the document without showing anything inappropriate.

Simply explained, c0stiffen and I exchanged NSFW art and conversations whilst they were an adult, and I was 16 (and then newly 17). These include art clearly depicting sexual acts with genitals that we both drew. The ones they drew and 2 of mine were specifically of their Giarven AU (in this AU, they're supposed to be adults!)

Due to the sensitivity of this subject, I can't show proof of this here. Everything is in the document for ADULTS.

This is not to point all the fingers at c0stiffen. I did a lot of dumb stuff throughout the situation too, I should have been more responsible. Not only have other ppl (mostly minors) seen my nsfw art, many went on to do the same. One even made a whole NSFW server full of minors (c0stiffen wasn't a part of it, I don't think there were any adults there.) I feel disgusted with myself, I wish I never did this to begin with. I can't help but despise myself. I should have just left at that moment and I'm sorry.

This is not a guilt trip, I'm afraid it'll come off as that, unfortunately.

What I can show is proof of them purposefully deleting these drawings, as currently, there's only one left. That one I believe they forgot to delete as it's isolated from every other art.

I should point out that I don't usually draw NSFW. Those pictured were some of my last ones, I made a few others around the same time and that was it. I drew 2 pieces of NSFW before this entire situation for myself only as I struggle with sexual trauma and I use it to cope. I never intended on making so many and I shouldn't have done that as a minor. Truth be told, it made me feel seen and special. Every piece got me so much attention and I didn't want it to end, it felt nice.

Something I can share as it's not sexually driven are situations where C0stiffen hurt me, knew they hurt me and still refused to apologise.

Situation 1

When I was still talking to c0stiffen, I remember them getting pretty carried away with their opinions on things. At that point it felt like it was their life goal to insult my comfort character. For context, my comfort character is Sada and over the months she just became more and more special to me, often being my only source of comfort. I won't delve into this too much, in short, I think she's misunderstood, she is extremely flawed but not evil.

C0stiffen made it pretty apparent that they hated her and never failed to remind me. In each of costiffen's AUs Arven canonically despised his mother, they even made up a lie how Sada ‘intentionally starved Arven’ and that it's confirmed to be canon. Many role plays we did of them generally stressed me out, but that's my fault for not speaking out. I inserted my version of Sada into one of heir AUs (Arven is a Prince, Sada is a queen, etc), they even made art of her

C0stiffen proceeded to mischaracterize her and make her into a bad mother again. Saying she's a bad mother for leaving her kids when literally the lore was she was about to be killed and had to flee, but I digress.

I approached c0stiffen about this as I was genuinely getting hurt, and I wanted to talk to them:

They were nice about it, I'm not saying they weren't. But not once did I get a single apology for them simply lying about her and freely hating her in front of me as if I'm not bothered by that. Also I genuinely believed my Sada was supposed to be the ‘canon’ version, I was never informed she wasn't, I don't know whether this is a lie or the truth. Take it with a grain of salt.

I'm not saying c0stiffen has to love or even like Sada, I don't care if they hate her, I wanted them to keep it to themselves and not share that hatred in spaces where I was and felt safe in. Those servers in particular were the ones I was most active in at that time. C0stiffen’s Sada and Turo are mostly based on their own parents from what they said, which is fine, but again, I don't wanna be around that.

It isn't overreacting if I'm simply stating my boundaries. And I think I deserve an apology for having my feelings ignored like this.

I'm gonna make a response to something c0stiffen said at one time. Apparently I was ‘angry’ when they said “Giacomo's mom > Sada”

Simply said, I wasn't angry, I was more hurt than angry and they have no right to shame me for that. I was simply hurt because of all the other things that were stacked onto it.

Maybe I was jealous, I just really wanted MY VERSION of Sada, who feels like an oc I had for years, to be loved like every other character. But just because of the stupid canon story, she can't. I tried so hard, I bent over backwards to get them to love at least my version of her. I'm sure if I gave the same exact story to a completely original oc instead, even them would be treated better than this.

I don't need c0 to like Sada, but I feel like they're blinded by the canon to just notice mine is different. They hate Sada so much they can't put that hate away for even an AU version that helped their friend feel loved and safe and that's what hurts so much. They treat her like the canon one and they treat that one like shit already. They need to accept the fact that they can't just dump on someone's comfort character and expect the person to not be upset. No matter how much I'll hate a character I won't make up petty lies about them to make them appear worse especially in front of someone who really likes said character, even worse if said person relates to the character. It's gonna make them feel incredibly shitty about themselves.

Apologies for the heated section.

Situation 2

During the end of July me and a friend got into a petty fight about a headcanon and I ended up leaving the server we were in to cool off. I have problems with my emotions and it's impossible to regulate them sometimes, I feel them physically, whenever I'm upset I feel genuine pain and I can't calm down. To deal with this I learned a flight strategy of just fleeing the situation to calm down and fixing stuff when I'm more grounded. I was hoping people understood that, even if they wouldn't, I was perfectly fine explaining it once I was feeling better.

The next day when I felt better, I planned on apologizing and explaining why I acted the way I did.

Long story short, multiple people cut contact with me, many people I trusted and called friends, no one wanted to hear my side of the story, everyone heard out Paltic (now former friend) who spread false rumors around me and screenshots that were taken out of context. Such as that I was a creep for sending NSFW to minors as if others weren't doing the exact same thing and I in particular was being influenced by an adult. Paltic is C0stiffen’s friend. I was struggling a lot mentally and even had a failed suicide attempt, I was easily irritated and exploded at people a lot.

When Paltic posted a “call out” post on me that was filled with what I said, things when taken out of context make me look like a bad person, etc. He called me awful for things his friends did too, but didn't call them out on it. He filled my partner with lies and that made them leave me, thinking I was a bad person. C0stiffen still failed to see how Paltic could be bad for doing this.

I made a response, which was pretty heated, I made an updated one later on. But that day C0stiffen dmed me that I should ‘stop’. That I was stressing them and everyone out, telling me that “they thought they were my friend” telling me how badly this is affecting them mentally as if I wasn't the one struggling the most in this situation. I was losing people I felt like I couldn't live without, there was a post about me that could potentially ruin my life when I did nothing wrong. I apologized for anything I genuinely did wrong.

I need to add something onto this

C0stiffen/Paltic like to use this moment to say I was comparing our traumas/using traumas against them, I wasn't doing that and in fact it was never on my mind to begin with. I brought up something that happened to them a while ago hoping it would help them see how I was feeling as the situations were similar. I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, but that's no excuse and I shouldn't have done that.

I apologized to them multiple times, at first I didn't want to as that's something they never did to me, but I wanted to do the right thing.

I wanna point out, I'm in no way saying I'm the greatest friend or person. I'm far from that, I am flawed, I do bad stuff, I hurt people (unintentionally). I have a lot of things to work on as someone whose mental health problems impact everything in their life such as behavior.

But I'm not a bad person, never did I truly had horrible intentions and wanted to hurt somebody just for the sake of simply hurting somebody. I explode, I say things I'm not proud of when I'm provoked, but nothing of those I would actually say if I was just given the chance to calm down and deal with it calmly.

It's hard to have a friend like me simply because of how much care I need, and I'm sorry for that. I'm never gonna force someone to be my friend, but I want to end on good terms. I don't see the point in treating a mentally ill person like a bad person simply because they happen to be ill and for no better reason otherwise. There's better ways to go about this than make the person feel like worthless trash. I wanna be told if I do something bad, I'm so used to my symptoms that there's times when I genuinely don't notice that I could be doing something wrong. I wanna take accountability for my own mental illness, but I'm not being given a chance to do that calmly. I am forced to admit I'm a bad person whilst everyone else are angels even though they're far from being innocent.

I don't wanna be treated like a bad person simply for experiencing symptoms I can't control or being influenced by a third party. As friends I hoped they would help me grow and deal with these things.

If they don't wanna do that, they should have calmly ended the friendship, not that they spread false rumors of me, make people hate me, and then treat me like I don't exist as if that's not gonna make me feel like I don't deserve to be fucking alive.

Conclusion

I wholeheartedly believe c0stiffen or their friends are gonna contact me in their defence. To that, I say, get the hell away from me. You aren't innocent, stop acting like it and take the fucking fault for once. I didn't start any of this.

My DMs are closed to trusted friends only for my safety. Please respect that.

[duhragonball]

It's my birthday today, and the local grocery store was thoughtful enough to stock the Dragon Ball Z Reese's Puffs, so I'm gonna try it out. Join me, won't you?

I still can't believe this is real. I mean, Reese's Puffa is kind of surreal enough as it is. It sounds like some satirical brand meant to poke fun at sugary kids' cereals. The box says "Made with REAL REESE'S Peanut Butter", the same way a fruit-flavored beverage will claim to contain genuine fruit.

The bowl on the box art is a Reese's cup, so it basically depicts candy being served in more candy. I'm old enough to remember when they would photograph cereal as "part of a complete breakfast", and there'd be grapefruits and toast and maybe a hard boiled egg. Basically they were admitting that the cereal was so unhealthy that you needed to eat three or four other breakfasts to make up for it. I just liked the photos because they were so picturesque. Ah, to have unlimited free time to prepare a leisurely 4-course breakfast while reading the paper. I just assumed everyone else was having toast with their cereal except my family, but yeah, it never really made any sense.

I haven't even gotten to Goku yet, but first I want to talk about his spoon. I don't think we see him holding a spoon very often. He's usually a chopsticks kind of guy, or he'll just use his bare hands or even dunk his head into the bowl. It kind of looks like a ladle when he holds it like that, which implies he cooked this bowl of candy soup all by himself, and he's showing it off like a proud chef. This spoon kicks ass, is what I'm trying to say.

But the real reason I bought this is because of that orange hillbilly who needs no introduction. I wasn't even looking for Reese's Puffs. It was the furthest thing from my mind. No, I was stocking up on the old-man cereal I require to survive, when I just saw him staring at me, with his friendly-yet-confident smile. Goku's not pressuring you to buy the cereal. He's sure you'll enjoy it, but it's okay if you want to take a pass. He'll just enjoy all this peanut butter chocolate goodness all by himself. Goku is truly the ideal spokesman. How can you say no to this lovable hunk?

I'm kind of out of touch when it comes to cereal marketing, but I'm pretty sure this sort of cross-promotion is a rarity. Like, they once put WWE wrestlers on Wheaties or something, but usually if the cereal companies want a cartoon on the box they'll just make their own character. Or if the cartoon people want to put their guy in the cereal aisle, they'll just commission a whole new cereal just for that brand. C-3PO had his own cereal for a while. It was pretty good!

What I'm saying is that it's kind of unusual to see a popular character like this on a cereal box. The only exception I can come up with is Fred Flintstone on Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles, but I always assumed that those were specifically "Flintstones Cereal".

Other than that, yeah, I can't think of any other examples of cartoon characters appearing on unaffiliated cereal boxes like this. Well, I drew my DBZ OC on a box of All-Bran today, but I don't think that counts.

"MY FIBER IS MAXIMUM, KAKAROT!"

I wondered what was up with the picture of Piccolo on the back of the box, and it turns out that he's one of seven different characters you can find on the back of the box. Collect them all! Aw man, that Cell one looks fucking sick! I don't know how they distributed these. Maybe they roll them out in waves and Piccolo's came first. Or maybe it's random and I might have found a Cell if I'd checked more boxes at the store. Well, Piccolo's pretty good. I guess.

All right, I just poured myself a bowl and Goku's cereal is gonna have to set course for Planet Oat. The dairy industry may not applaud my shopping choices, but I like oat milk because it doesn't spoil as quickly as cow milk, and it's got a nice oat-y flavor that compliments the cardboard taste of All-Bran.

I did not put Dawn liquid soap in my cereal. This time.

So what's the verdict here? Well, the first few bites were pretty tasty, and then I realized I was getting kind of sick of this as I made my way to the bottom of the bowl. The peanut butter flavor overwhelms everything. It has a very strong odor, so if you like Reese's peanut butter cups you can just sit this out in your room and savor the aroma. I barely registered any chocolate flavor at all. I mean, I believe they put it there, but the peanut butter is the whole story to this.

It's basically Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs from Calvin and Hobbes, only this is a special Peanut Butter variant they made. I never really appreciated the jokes about sugary cereals before. I grew up on Frosted Flakes and the like, but there were a certain class of cereals that my mom would just refuse to buy. My grandparents would have them, but I never really understood the difference between Frosted Flakes and Honey Smacks. As I got older, I ate less cereal in general, but that was mostly because I fell out of the habit of eating breakfast altogether.

But now I'm 47, and the only cereal I eat these days is bran topped with diced peaches and a couple of packets of artificial sweetener, so Reese's Puffs is way, way too sugary for my palate. It's not bad, but a little goes a long way for me.

When I was a kid, old people were always griping about all the stuff they couldn't eat anymore. I remember Isaac Asimov writing mournfully about how he couldn't have an Oreo cookie, which bummed me out because that was my favorite cookie back then, and it seemed that the fate of all humanity was to be denied the simple pleasure of enjoying them.

Now, I realize that a lot of the stuff that you liked as a kid just doesn't age up with you. Your tastes change, and you gain appreciations for new things that you wouldn't have appreciated before. That's not a bad thing. It's life. Things change, and you change along with them.

Well, you and I do, anyway. Not Goku, whose Saiyan biology keeps him looking exactly the same for sixty years so he can eat all the sweetened corn puffs he wants. But I don't envy him, is what I'm trying to say. I'm watching a wrestling show on PPV tonight, my mom took me to Cracker Barrel for lunch today, and I drew on a cereal box. I can't complain.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode five thoughts

HELLO???? girl where do i even start. i May have to get some thoughts out of the way so i can properly talk about this shit what the fuck. my thoughts are goddamn incoherent 😭

OKAY start of the episode. i actually really appreciate crystal and charles having a frank conversation about like. hey kissing was nice but we both have a lot of shit going on and we're neither in a place to be in a relationship rn so let's just be friends. and it's not framed as a bad decision or for drama or anything, it's the reasonable and emotionally mature choice to make and i love that so much!!

oh my god the lesbianism.... noble was not lying there was in fact lesbians!! bro i was so excited 😭 jenny and the librarian were genuinely so cute, like when they were bonding over true crime. and when they kissed i kid you not i put my fists in the air like a highschool dad watching sports i was thrilled!!! but no the librarian had to turn murderous when jenny was uncomfortable with being stalked.... devastating 😔

i will say tho they really made me watch the aro nightmare play out. someone is interested in you, gets mad when you don't return their feelings in the way they want you to, and then tries to kill you. deeply uncomfortable, but i'm happy to know jenny canonically likes women and, if she ever feels like giving romance another chance, i hope she meets someone nice and average who doesn't stalk her. best of luck queen im rooting for you whatever you decide you want

okay the case was really interesting, i like a good bit of whodunnit. it's also a fun change from the usual, where the case they're solving is unrelated to finding a killer. very fun! i like both formats, and it's fun to switch things up once in a while

i didn't expect the killer to be so sympathetic, but by the end i was really rooting for her to go unpunished. makes sense that she turned herself in since it really was an accident, but ah well whatever she chooses to best help her move on with her life!

i'm glad those two assholes went to hell at the end tho, even if it does have some fascinating implications. like, are we talking christian hell? if so, what kind? classical, or more dante's inferno with the different levels and so on? is 'hell' just a term for an afterlife of punishment for crimes committed in life? how does all that work with demons being a thing? and why does edwin go to hell for being ritually sacrificed? they said it was a mix-up, but what kind of technicality or misfiled paperwork does that? give me the afterlife lore i need to know more!!!!

i feel like i haven't talked about crystal's demon ex in a bit so let's cover that. god i really was right in my first read of him, he really is doing all this because he's desperate to stay relevant in her life. it's honestly pathetic and idk what else there is to say about that. like it sucks that such a pathetic asshole has just enough power to keep hurting crystal, and i look forward to his comeuppance whenever it should appear

ALRIGHT OTHER THOUGHTS OUT OF THE WAY. ohhh my god so much in a few short scenes. MONTY KISSED EDWIN AND CONFESSED TO HIM?? oh my god i can't believe we got that in a netflix show no wonder it got canceled. AND THEN EDWIN REJECTS HIM?? this is so crazy im Thriving holy shit

okay i have something to say. so edwin says he isn't talking about monty but doesn't say who he's talking about, but i think he was talking about charles! like yeah it cuts to the cats and the episode ends, and that Could be implying he's talking about the cat king, but if i'm right it's just meant to indicate they were eavesdropping at that specific moment

okay let me explain my theory. there's the stuff i talked about in the past posts, about the scene where the cat king took charles' form (and i didn't mention it but. the bit in the same episode where edwin is just staring at charles' face distracted while charles talks? hello??) but what really cemented it for me was the hug this episode. in possibly the sweetest scene yet, edwin reassures charles that he is a good person, and charles hugs him. and just the look on edwin's face... the way he stands there almost stunned before carefully hugging back... the way after charles lets go and they start to leave edwin stands there a moment longer, with a hand pressed to his heart.... like i could be wrong but. i am seeing signs!!

and i think it's So interesting because charles has some kind of crush on crystal, even though they've agreed not to pursue anything there that doesn't mean the attraction is gone yknow? so im Really interested to see what's going to happen and where this is going

godd that whole scene was phenomenal. charles being afraid of being a bad person, like the jocks and like his father... yeah girl i've been there. it fucking sucks! and im so glad he had edwin there with him, who cares about his friend and knows him well enough to know how to comfort him. idk the whole thing was so good, i nearly cried when they hugged :')

very good episode! i've eaten dinner now so i'm ready to move on to the next episode, and i'm Very excited to see what's going to happen!!

[welivetodream]

Do people really think that skk hate eachother?

After the fight with Lovecraft, we have a scene where Dazai smiles at Chuuya; this is one of the only genuine smiles we ever get from Dazai. Most of the time he is playing up a facade and he is very hard to read but he always seems to smile more genuinely when he is around Chuuya, especially when Chuuya isn't looking at him.

What I think those two have are very complicated feelings that haven't changed since they were 15-18.

Skk never got to be friends, they were always partners, "Double Black", Port Mafia's prodigies. They didn't get the chance to just be kids and see the better sides of eachother, their relationship didn't grow organically over the years but became stunted at a time when both of them were only teenagers. Thrust in an environment where there's not much positivity, Skk were always at odds because of their clashing personalities and mutual dislike (and their similarities)

I don't think that dislike ever became hate. I think they did become closer as the years passed, but then of course Dazai left.

While saying Chuuya was sad when Dazai left is a way to show their care for eachother. I would say, Chuuya was REALLY angry when Dazai left (that's why he drank that expensive wine, it was out of spite). How can he leave? Does he have no loyalty to the PM? Does he have no loyalty to Chuuya? They were partners, he can't just leave without a word.

Dazai left without a word because he knew how mad Chuuya would be at him when he finds out, he knew if he thought about Chuuya there would be a part of him that wouldn't want to leave this partnership that they have had since three years. It was something that gave him excitement in this "worthless thing they call living" it was his will to live. He also didn't want the PM to think Chuuya was involved with him and helped him in leaving.

I do think Dazai leaving PM made Chuuya dislike him even more. Dazai was not only annoying, he was also disloyal.

But when it comes to Dazai, I don't think he hated Chuuya at all. His fondness for Chuuya is what makes him not want to like him. It's the same way Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor for being the only one who understands him. Dazai doesn't want to kill Chuuya, when he says "I have been thinking about ways to kill Chuuya since 7 years" it's a lie, a joke for him, a facade. He could have done that any time in 7 years but he chose not to. He knows when it comes to it, he can't kill Chuuya.

Chuuya would say he hates Dazai but goes out of his way to save him everytime. In Dead Apple, he risked his own life to save Dazai who could have been dead for all he knew. But he still took the chance, believing that Dazai would have a plan and that he would know that Chuuya is going to risk it. (Also I wholeheartedly believe Dazai has some fantasies about being rescued by Chuuya, that Mf totally does)

Their trust in eachother is so strong, that even when they are on the enemy side, they are able to work together, putting their differences apart. They have never had a "real" fight like Atsushi and Akutagawa, it's more of snide remarks and calling nicknames, like their teenage selves.

I don't think Chuuya is aware of these complicated feelings, he has manifested his dislike of Dazai's antics and personality to a point he had hidden his care for him. On the other hand, Dazai is very aware of these feelings, he knows he cares. So he fakes it, acting out as usual the idea that he hates Chuuya, because he knows loving and caring for someone does not end well for him (look at Oda). He doesn't want to lose another person he cares for.

In retrospect as memeable and funny those two "confession" scenes are in S5; it's the first time Dazai is not lying, he is acknowledging his care for Chuuya in a way it feels authentic and real to Fyodor, so they could trick him. It's their plan, yes, but the reason it feels real is because IT IS. No wonder Chuuya shot him so many times ("Dazai's being stupid again, making me feel things, embarrassing me in front of the enemy").

This isn't a shipping post, I do ship Skk, but their bond is so deep that you can look at it in a platonic way and very little would change.

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

Yuuri Katsuki has Bullied Kid energy.

Yuuri : Don't you dare see me as weak or perceive my vulnerability. Please comfort me and reassure me. I'll be constantly afraid of your reaction if I inconvenience you. Nothing scares me more than the people I trust lying to me. I'm more competent and at home in the face of people's scorn than in the face of their genuine love for me. The idea that anyone could see me as desirable is baffling. The world sees me as little more than dirt and I don't disagree with them. I am going to make them eat their teeth with their words or so help me I will set myself on fire trying. Just watch, I am the most beautiful woman in town and you will rue the day you underestimated me. How you like me now?

Victor, thinking he'd been dumped by the first person who'd made him happy in a very long time : I see this, I respect this, I am going to use the hell out of this. Hey. Hey fatty. Watch me pry the thing you love and use to cope with your feelings right out of your fingers until you lose weight. kinda reminiscent of what you did to me :) kinda sorta you know just a lil bit. You don't know what eros is? Okay, now you're just making fun of me.

Victor, after Yuuri had his katsudon eros realization : ...JFC he actually literally doesn't know. I. Uh. ...Huh. Well. Uhm. Okay. Maybe that means he doesn't get OTHER things too. He. He genuinely doesn't know what he did to me. He probably didn't even do it deliberately. Okay. Okay? Okay. I can work with this. THINK OF THE JUICY SUCCULENT PORK, BABE. ...I can't fkn believe this.

Victor, several episodes later when Yuuri reveals he literally doesn't remember the banquet: ...Well shit. The past year of my life has been a lie and I might be an asshole. Hm.

I've read some fics where after Yuuri's ED gets triggered and he crashes hard Victor looks back at all those early comments and goes 'I didn't mean it that way babe you're hot when you're fat and you weren't even that fat it was just that it could be unsafe for your joints to skate in that condition' and sure okay I get wanting to minimize the blow and Yuuri is adorable AF when he's heavier and i still enjoy those fics for the most part but

I disagree with that fully and completely cus nah, Victor's a petty lil bitch who can be cold and ruthless and isn't afraid to hurt people. Is he also warm and kind and loving and doing his best? Yes. He contains multitudes. But he was absolutely aiming to hurt, because he was hurt.

Yuuri, meanwhile, who's been bullied for a great majority of his childhood but has complete faith in Victor and unwavering confidence in his honesty - especially when that honesty fits his world view - that he has an entire Victor shaped blind spot : Eh? Pfft. He wasn't bullying me, what are you talking about? He was literally telling the truth. :/ I mean really, he was taking care of me.

Victor, falling to the ground and clutching his stomach with a groan because ooouuugghhh guilt-nausea : Y-....Yuuri.....

Yuuri : I mean Yurio can be a bully but that's just how he shows he cares so :3 Nah haha, I've had waaaay worse, trust me, lol

Yurio : ....I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of?

Victor, convulsing :

I think Yuuri can absolutely pick up on when Victor is being dishonest with him and poking his sharp little fingers into the sore spots, but more on an intuitive level that he doesn't know how to make sense of logically, so he just accepts it and moves on largely without comment a;dlkf he'll probably figure it out like fifteen years down the road when he's older and wiser and one day he squints at his husband and goes "...huh, okay" and then never does anything about it anyway because he loves Victor and forgives him and also Victor's hot when he's being mean so