#I can't Positive Think my way out of my own trap 🙏

[spotlightstudios]

Can someone please just bonk me over the head so I start feeling good about Work again?

[verdantwyrm]

Hi omg just wanted to stop by and dump my thoughts on Mouthwashing because I just watched a playthrough a little bit ago and agree with your post about Curly so so so much.

I am also starting this out by saying that I am also a victim of repeat sexual assault and at one point was trapped in a situation where I physically could not get away from my abuser like how Anya was trapped on the Tulper. So, to anyone reading this, please know that I'm not speaking out of my ass either. Thanks. 🙏

I really don't think Curly realized what Anya was getting at at first. We, as the audience, like you said, have the information given to us by the game to understand just what it is Anya is getting at, but Curly doesn't. All he knows is that Anya is pregnant, reasonably less than happy about it, and that Jimmy is the father, and he's not happy about it either.

When Anya says, 'I told you.' in response to Jimmy being the father, I don't think she meant that she literally told him? If that makes sense. I think she was referencing back to points like the conversation about the door locks, etc. Things that, if you don't have her perspective and knowledge of what happened, if you can't see the dead pixel that she always finds, all you're going to get from that is seemly.. I don't know? Fairly mundane bits of small talk in any conversation. Anya is often in the medbay and Curly is often in the cockpit, so I'm sure it seems like something that would come up as an odd sort of stray thought and not what it really was. That being Anya probably lamenting over the lack of locks for the rooms after what'd happened to her. :(((

I think it's in that moment where Curly starts to realize that he WAS missing things. Because I do think Anya also saying she told him is that she at some point at least alluded to Jimmy being a piece of shit to her in some form. There's really no way of telling to what extent, but it's likely that it wasn't very explicit. I could hardly even speak on what was happening to me when it was happening because I was constantly in forced proximity with my abuser every day. That's terrifying, and I really wouldn't blame her if she only managed to say that she didn't like the way he was treating her or didn't like working with him, etc. because I couldn't even get that out back then.

Obviously there's really no way of knowing, and I really really don't want this to come off as possibly victim blamey because that's not at all what I mean. Because I very much understand the fear and wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't able to say anything. After all she was going to be stuck with him everyday for the better part of year, and it's clear that he was at the very least capable of getting violent given that she'd hid the gun.

That gun I think is also another factor that causes Curly to miss things initially. His assumption is that Anya is going to hurt herself, that she's going to kill herself. There are points where Curly is purposefully shown to be more fatherly in some aspects, when he tells Anya that he would've done anything (to presumably make her feel better about whatever he assumes is making her suicidal), in the end where he is forced to watch the TV with the Mother Goose song playing (the song that mentions a meal or something of the sort for Mother Goose) while he is forced to eat part of his own leg, etc. He is portrayed as a protector, a caretaker. Both in his position of responsibility to protect his crew and his position of power that should logically make him capable of doing what needs to be done about Jimmy, which he ultimately fails at because he simply didn't realize soon enough.

Whether that be because he's clearly not all there even from the beginning. (He gives clearly practiced responses to Anya for his psych eval, but mentions to Jimmy that he's obviously not doing great.) Or because of his implicit bias, or any number of other things. Because of the position he's in to have to break the news that his crew that he clearly cares about is getting laid off. Because he's under the impression that Anya was going to kill herself because of it. Maybe because it was a matter of mere hours between Anya telling him and Jimmy crashing the ship. Who knows.

I think if I he had been given more time that he would've done something, but it is also not lost on me that he didn't get that time because the game is a commentary on not doing something soon enough, rape culture and all that entails. Curly very clearly cared about his crew, and again him being purposefully portrayed as the protector and caregiver will forever eat me up inside because he didn't realize or act soon enough and the guilt had to have been eating him up inside after the crash. Maybe he could've done something before, but now he's just as powerless to stop it and he can't do anything but watch.

ANYWAY, sorry that was so long!! I had a lot of thoughts and while I don't think he's innocent and is certainly flawed, I do think the comparison of him being equal to Jimmy just isn't correct. He was working with so little context, the knowledge that Anya was presumably suicidal, and upon realization if he even managed to get that far before the crash, the question of what to do next? How to keep Jimmy away from her, how to protect her and everyone else on the ship.

You have completely taken the words out of my mouth! Thank you so much Anon, and as one victim to another I really appreciate your feedback and i appreciate your lengthy response just all the same! I genuinely wish more people were willing to read between the lines and understand that how it went on the tulpar with Jimmy, Any and Curly, it was probably the best thing they could do at the time with the given tools at hand.

I made a point about how Curly probably had no idea that Jimmy was going to react like this, how could he have prepared for a literal murder-suicide thats just not something you prepare for even if you know the person to be destructive, I again mention how shocked Curly is that he even went through it! Its an insane thing to do!!

I don't want to absolutely claim that Curly is innocent, because he isn't, but a bystander cannot be the oppressor. And alot of people tend to forget that the main problem, the actual villain, the real antagonist of the story is Jimmy, and people are more concerned with catching strays of "who dunnit" than accepting and trying to work through Jimmy's actions and the consequences of them. I do not think Curly is completely innocent, but he was a god damn good captain in the short amount of time he was even made aware of the situation.

Curly is not a misogynist, he didn't "let" Jimmy rape or hurt her, or anyone for that matter and he definitely did not want any of this to happen. He loves Anya, he loves his crew, and he does care about them. But there was so little he could do in the time he was given, in the circumstances, he did the best he could

[lylahammar]

Do you have any tips for developing a healthier relationship to being fat? I'm fat and have a uhhhhh very negative relationship with the physical appearance of my body, despite treating my body well on a physical level. I read a ton of fat liberation stuff and fat positive studies and while logically I know that being fat isn't bad and has no bearing on morality, personality, etc, I still can't seem to apply this reasoning to myself. Most of the content on the internet is geared towards cis abled woman when I'm a trans disabled man, so that probably contributes to some extent, but idk. It also doesn't help that attraction-wise I'm definitely drawn to people who are the exact opposite of me physically (tall, lanky, angular, etc). I've been trying for years to even just be okay with my appearance and none of the common advice has worked. I pretty much only feel okay with myself when I forget that I have a physical body. Your fat positive content makes me really happy and you seem to have a positive relationship with your body, so I thought it was worth asking if you had any tips for me or anyone else who might need them.

Feel free to disregard this message if it makes you uncomfortable! You don't know me and I don't want to put my feelings on you. I appreciate any response you might give, but I also don't want to breach any boundaries. I hope you have a nice day!

-🧪

Hello!! I've been thinkin about this question since you sent it yesterday, it's a very good question but also a toughie 😅 The thing to keep in mind is that internalized fatphobia isn't a problem caused by personal problems, it's almost entirely a societal thing. I've been working on my body image issues for a long long time now, and honestly sometimes I do still feel down about my fatness. BUT it gets easier and easier as you get older, I promise you that! Especially if you keep working on it. So here are some tips I can think of:

Try to consume a lot of body neutral media! For me, body positive stuff can get a little grating and actually do the opposite of its intended purpose, because the constant focus on "everyone is beautiful!! Love your fat body!" can start to feel... I don't know, like it's drawing attention to it too much, and making it less normal. I like media in which fatness is portrayed as normal and doesn't get alienated so much, even in a positive way. A few good recommendations I can think of off the cuff are Dungeon Meshi (can't help plugging my fave manga heheh, Ryoko Kui is just so loving in her portrayal of different body types), Steven Universe, Hairspray, and Porco Rosso. Couplagoofs on Instagram, tiktok, twitch and youtube are really good influencers for this, watching their content has helped me a lot with my own body image! I've heard that Shrill is a good show for fat representation, but I've only seen this one scene (which is very good) so I can't speak definitively about it's quality! If anyone else has any good suggestions, please reply with them 🙏

Stay off of tiktok until you feel more comfortable with your own body. Tiktok is kind of a trap, because it'll put a lot of really great diverse body neutral stuff on your fyp to lure you in, but then it'll shut you down with the most hateful shit you've ever seen. And if you're not on the body neutral side of tiktok, you'll be in skinny town USA thirst trap hell forever lmfao it's just like not worth it

Surround yourself with accepting people. It's especially helpful to seek out other fat/fat positive friends (especially of the queer and neurodivergent variety). Fat people are everywhere, we're way more common than society and media would have you think!! It's good to have people around you to remind you of that 😁

If you have the money for it, try going on a special shopping trip to find some clothes that make you feel really good. Go alone, unless you have someone who you feel 100% comfortable with, because this trip should be about your needs and whatever makes you feel happy with your own body. You don't need anyone else's opinion for that! I know that this bit of advice is a little cliche, but it's just what has helped me personally.

This might be just a me thing, but practicing with drawing fat bodies has probably done more for my body image than anything else. It forces you to spend a lot of time looking at fatness and really growing to understand it and accept it. I've got a pinterest board for fat poses that I've been collecting (which I've just realized only has feminine people in it, I need to fix that >:/ ). Fat Photo Reference is another good site for practice, but it requires a password, so if anyone wants to get in then just DM me! Self portraits are also a great idea for this, especially if you find fatness beautiful in other people but not yourself, like you've said! Maybe give it a shot on a day when you're feeling up to it 💛

I hope this helps!! I'm not an expert on this, so my advice might be just as cliche and unhelpful as everything else out there 😅 but this is all just from personal experience. Fatness is normal and healthy and beautiful, so I hope you can come to accept your own soon!! 🙏

[self-indulgent-devils]

do you think mammon would have sex in his spider form?🙏🙏🙏 do you think he can lay eggs or something????🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 y'know i meeean if there would be some fem!reader with weird kinks or something.....

Oh my god, yes. I feel like he definitely would. For laying eggs, I mean why the hell not? He's a giant cartoon spider guy that can change forms lol.

~NSFW Mammon headcanons~

Specifically: spider form and spider eggs, bug monster fucking. Bdsm style things mentioned too. Also will be fem!reader focused with a pussy and all. Size difference.

Obvious minors dni and if you're uncomfy with sexual content.

This is my first time writing nsfw stuff lol so uh I hope I do this well. Also hope I did well with the monster part, especially the eggs.

Without further ado, please. :)

Mammon with his darling little fem!reader. I can see him being hesitant to bring out his spider form especially during sex, but if he found someone into then he would LOVE to fuck you while he's in his true spider form. His extra legs holding you while his hands are placed by your head as he fucks you. Hearing your every sound as you get ravaged by his fucking spider dick.

He would love to keep you in his web and most definitely would want to tie you up with his webbing. Making sure you can stay still. Just uses his webs for some bdsm shit, maybe even gagging you or blindfolding you with it. Why spend money on bdsm blindfolds when he can just make his own? It's way hotter knowing you're trapped by his own webbing creations than some stuff he had to spend money on anyway.

Mammon might not think to be kinky right away. He's just going to enjoy fucking you, having you suck his dick and rub him off, getting to eat you out any chance he can. He wants you to be ready to service him when he asks. It doesn't matter when or where. If he wants something, he gets it and that includes you. But he'd not think to try out kinks right away. Especially with how much he runs businesses in hell and has a monopoly over so much, I feel like he'd be the type to not even think of it.

If you were the one to bring up kinks to him first, Mammon would be taken aback before going "Oh yeah. We could do that." Before he had a sinisterly greedy grin on you. He would most definitely want to be the dominant one unless he felt like letting you take the lead once in a while. He loves having his power, but don't think he's not into power play. He probably wouldn't be too into letting you have too much power until he learns that you have a kink for monster fucking. Knowing you love his spider form will make him absolutely let you ride him and he would love to hear you be vocal.

If he were the one to think up kinks eventually then he would probably bring close and while running his hand up and down your leg, start asking you questions about what you're into. He doesn't have much that turns him off or is a hard no since he's pretty greedy so he won't judge you one bit. And the more kinks you have, the better. Imagine as you tell him what you're into, Mammon's hand just slides up to your pussy and starts rubbing you and teasing you, feeling you and getting you extra horny as you tell him. Mammon can't help riling you up after all until you're begging him to fuck you or to stop teasing and to make you cum. He would savor every minute before taking his dick out and putting you on it so he can fuck you like crazy.

I feel like if he got really into some hard sex or some kinky sex his monster form would come out. Clearly it comes out with intense emotions like rage so imagine it comes out during some really intense foreplay or if you were setting him off as a brat or something to really get him going. And he just turns into his form, grabs you and makes sure you're positioned, then rails into your fucking pussy like an actual animal that cannot be stopped or controlled. Sending you over the edge and overwhelming you with seemingly no stop because oh you've done it now. And it feels extra good when he's in his spider form.

Imagine if he transformed into his spider form while you were waiting for him. You're there, ready for some sex and then he comes in. Ginormous with his additional spider legs and a large fucking monster spider cock. The size difference too. No matter how you were compared to him before, even if you're a much bigger demon, he was FAR larger than you now. His true form is terrifyingly large and that includes his fucking cock now too. He's practically drooling as he comes over and asks if you're ready. Not like he'd take no for an answer anyway. He's hard as hell and he is NOT going to fucking stop. He wants you and he wants you NOW.

Mammon would also love to make you greedy for him. It would drive his sin power crazy which only makes him more horny. Making you greedy for his fucking cock or for his monster form. Even if you became greedy for his fucking spider eggs. And whatever kink you had, he would love to fulfill. Doesn't matter how weird or out there it is. Doesn't matter if it's the most random thing out there. If you had a kink and let him know, he would do it for you. And ONLY for you alone. It's not often he finds a sexual partner after all so he will be absolutely possessive of you and be down to do whatever the fuck you want. And if you have a thing for his monster form and his spiders eggs? Oh he will fucking love that. Usually he just uses it to scare and hurt people that piss him off. He's not had a chance to use it during sex. So it'll be fun finally getting to fuck someone in his true form, his most natural state. Pure raw monster fucking like an uncontrollable animal that can't get enough of you. I feel like he would definitely be far harder to control and tame and far hornier in his spider form. The power in him as he thrusts his cock into you, making you scream and moan with every fucking thrust just sends him over the edge. He's gonna need to cum a lot before he starts to calm down. But if you're into his monster form and real kinky shit, I'm sure you could handle it.

Now spider eggs. Ooh let's talk about that now. Imagine Mammon needing to lay his eggs, getting progressively hornier as he can feel it. He essentially needs to breed and he's spending more time in his spider form because of it. Mammon locks eyes with you and instantly knows what he needs to do. Oh if he was already a monster during sex before, he's going to lose it now. Laying eggs isn't really possible in male spiders, but it's Mammon in hell. He can already take on different forms so why fucking not? Why can't he have an intense urge to mate with you and lay his eggs, probably in you too~? Bonus points if you have spider-like qualities or are a spider demon too. It'll be like a match truly made in hell.

He will be even hornier than before. He's already a greedy and horny man easily aroused especially in his spider form, but now he had the power of needing to mate making him even crazier. Taking you immediately to his web where it'll probably be a while before you leave. Grunting and moaning like crazy as he fucks you so hard, needing to get all of it out. He had never really been bothered by his spider form's hormones and mating feelings before, but having you around has driven him crazy. He wants to indulge himself in you like mad and fill you up with his cum and eggs too~ You're not gonna be leaving that web for a while. If you needed something, he would have a Robo Fizz bring it over while he's still railing you like crazy. All kinds of different positions, even laying some eggs around the both of you too because he truly cannot take it. Covering you in his cum and his webbing, lifting you up with his webs to fuck you in different positions. If he felt particularly lazy while still being horny then he'd have you do all the work while he lays back and eats like the lazy asshole he is. All while grunting and moaning like an animal in heat, taken over purely by his spider instincts at this point. He already loved fucking you in his spider form, but now it was like a whole new level of wild, kinky sex with you. He wouldn't even question if you liked it or not. You're his partner, he's going to assume you fucking love it. After all, you're the one driving him crazy like this in the first place. He's never felt such an intense desire to fuck and breed until he started fucking you and especially not until he learned you loved his demon form and he started fucking you in it. Filling you up with his cum in every hole he could manage was already fun for him, but the new egg laying along with his mating instincts was like setting his sex drive into overdrive. Oh he could go for days until he finally feels a bit of relief. His spidery cock so hard as he fucks you like crazy. And knowing that essentially his seed and eggs were going into you made him even hornier. It was the kinkiest of sex and it made him feel so alive.

Imagine after everything and even while you're still fucking, he just pulls you close and kisses you so fucking rough and hard. Just pure fucking passion as he makes out with you while you ride his cock. And after breaking the kiss, he just looks at you with his fucking smug grin. "I fucking love you, (Y/N). You're fucking perfect for me in every kinky fucking way. Don't fucking stop now, I'm gonna cum and fill you up again." Before laying his head back and moaning like a fucking beast as he strokes your hair, one of his other hands on the small of your back and pressing you against his large body. His hips start bucking into you despite having let you do all the work for the past while. Thrusting into you like you're a fucking toy as his whole length fills you up. With one final powerful thrust, cumming while making so many beautiful sounds as he moans, filling you up once again. And him just laying there happy with you on top of him. Cause there's no one else he'd love to lay his fucking eggs with. Whether it's in you or just around his web. No one else he'd love to fuck like crazy. No one else that could appreciate his spider form like his precious kinky (Y/N). That's what makes it fucking perfect to him.

[spotaus]

Gah-

Okay. So. First things first because I'll forget the tags: We talked about it briefly once, but Ccino absolutely gets a cat mask! Just a normal housecat I think (plain and unassuming, but ur 100% right about the implications! House at stand up to foes much bigger than themselves, they're loyal, *and* they keep the rats out!)

Second. Hi. Ancha may I please please request that I make this drabble part of the canon? Because you just. You managed to tie in so many things so beautifully, and filled a Ccino pothole I had, and placed all the ideas from my drabbles abd rambles into just such a neat perfect lil piece!!! Augh!!!!! (Okay we're back to internal screaming-)

Third!!! Digging into this thang like a nicely roasted chicken because!!! So many perfect moments!!!!

Okay. You got Night spot on. In the beginning he's awkward, using what little improv he's got to survive, then he's a bit more comfy showing the folks around (a space he knows thanks to Ccino) and then later as he gets more vulnerable that she'll breaks a little. I love how he reacts when pinned between Killer and Ccino for the brief moment, trying to keep that hierarchy act between them...

KILLER. I will never stop shouting his name, but he's so well portrayed here! He's sassy and playful and arrogant in all the right ways, abd he goes so far as to *tease* Night several times (which goes unnoticed basically aside from acknowledgement UNTIL he crosses the line, implying something between Night abd Ccino-). And his little "What?!" For the training- because yeah!

Night would naturally want to test his own strength in a controlled environment (ex. Killer, who has potential to be expendable if smth goes wrong (tho Night doesn't want that)), as well as *prove* his strength and capabilities to Killer to lessen chances of betrayal. And, most largely. A) He wants his potential Knight to be supervised by him alone so he doesn't get any outside influences from other combat styles or morals, and B) So he doesn't subject anyone else to Killer's murderous tendencies. Killer can't kill him, but he's certain Killer has no qualms killing others like his guard. He can't have that.

Bro thought he was getting off easy and now he's actually gonna have to train 🙏🫡

And then- AND THEN CCINO-

Gods above, Anchas I think you killed me. His little tonal qualities in how he balances his position w/ his history with Night, how he interacts with him, how... HHH It just makes me get butterflies in my stomach, but they're all mad and furious. I mean this in the best way possible. All positive.

Okay. Okay. One thing at a time-

Ccino feels comfortable with Nightmare. Obviously he would, with what he knows, but it's sweet. The way he sits with him, talks to him, *reaches out to him*. The soft touch to the cheek broke me, because there was a VERY quick shift where Ccino clearly recognized that, maybe Night had been overwhelmed, maybe it had been too much, a lecture might not be the best. He saw that change and immediately moved from the worried nagging (a needed strictness) into comfort and reassurance, because he knew Night was starting to spiral and get afraid again.

And idk man, but Ccino just slowly talking Nightmare through it all, holding him, comforting touches, it just- raughhh I loved it... Night's paranoia spiral was so so good too, because it just felt exactly like how I've been picturing it! He's such a guy who relies on logic, and he logics himself into the worst case scenario.

AND Night's lil flashback with the palm ritual thing. That one hurt so good, it had a perfect placement...

Okay. Okay. Let's see... Dream! And Ccino's role for the twins. I love that he's trapped, that he was forces to be there (and that Night offers him freedom and is so so set on ensuring Ccino be happy even in his state-). The bit in the tags about Ccino ending up as Dream's (metaphorically, literally, etc) hit me so hard because! YEAH. They would do that. Nim would do that. Like a consolation prize. One brother gone, but here's this other one you like, do as you please. Losing my mind- and Dream in an altered state? Who knows where that would've gone???

And then the shift when Night took over, and Ccino *chose* to look after him and help and care. It just. 😭😭😭 the narrative hereeeeee

I love that you have it end with them both there, and the mask case, and Night deciding Ccino deserved a mask... it made my heart hurt so so good 🫶

Ohh this gives me ideas for other stuff now (particularly Night + Killer doing those trainings, and maybe a pre-apple incident interaction between Night, Dream, and Ccino? But who knows-)

Okay lastly other tag things:

-> No no, you got it perfect! I hadn't been mentioning it much, but Ccino is probably the STRONGEST connection + bond Night has. Period. Ccino is the only reason Night survived more than a week after the ritual (he made poor choices w/ the starving himself out of fear or poisons things, and more I think-) and so you are SO correct placing Ccino as Brother Supreme 🙏 (Also Killer getting put in his place by Night immediately felt like a 'I don't care what you say about me, but mess with him and you're dead.' Kinda moment, and I loved it <3 First time Night is genuinely scary to Killz probably-)

-> Nim's hall is 100% gonna be a Cat Space haha! Honestly I could see this very superstitious kingdom noticing an influx of cats around the palace and being helpful around the city, followed by Night's Knights all having cat-masks, and deciding Night's divine symbol is a cat (despite the Owl motif-). I think this'd lead to an influx of bad superstitions about cats, immediately followed by a healthy fear of harming a cat. (A guy who, completely unrelatedly, killed a Cat to spite Nightmare in his own time, was killed by the Knights a few days later because. People in his community were unaware he was a trafficker of people, so they assumed it was the whole cat thing. Rumors spread, abd cats were treated a lot better-) sidetracked- but yeah! Cats everywhere!! Kitties!

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Understanding

Hey @spotaus !! As promised :3 I got a little something for you!

Your drabble got me thinking and made me consider something. (also i am so sorry if i got the ages wrong. I really tried)

As always. Feel free to use whatever you want from it or just ignore what doesn't fit <3 I am just having fun and it is meant as a gift for you <3 (also to motivate you to keep writing more about it!)

*------------------------*

Nightmare gets off his horse as he stares at the castle.

Well. His castle now.

He is still not quite used to that. Refering to it with his castle instead of his mother's.

Even after almost 12 months. He still doesn't expect to see himself in the mirror. or maybe the problem is that he expects his old self. The young teen.

The weakling. The failure.

No focus.

He isn't that anymore. He now has the magic. He is the new powerful leader of his land. And he will make this work. Even if he still has no idea what he is doing.

No. He needs to get back and make sure no one tried to rebel against him. That no one tried to hurt Ccino while he was gone.

Nightmare gets off the horse and someone rushes over to take the horse. Nightmare stares at this person and figures out quickly it is the stablehand who has been taking care of the horses.

Nightmare looks over his shoulder and motions the new people to follow him. The set of brothers, the dog monster. and Killer.

Nightmare walks into the castle as he speaks "Some of the other servants will take you to your chambers to rest and clean up. Tomorrow the three of you will join some of my other staff to see what is needed and where you fit. Killer. You will-"

"My liege."

Nightmare blinks and looks over.

Ccino has appeared out of one of the servant secret passages and walks straight towards him. Nightmare can see, and feel, when Ccino takes in the new people and just who they are.

Ccino's face turns a bit harder and Nightmare can feel the annoyance and frustration in the air "My liege!" Ccino smiles brightly as he speaks "Have you eben succesfull in finding a possible knight?"

Killer chuckles behind him and mutters "someone is in trouble~"

Nightmare knows Killer is being sarcastic. But if only Killer knew how right he was.

Nightmare however could never be worried or afraid off Ccino. For him? Maybe. But never because of him. He gives a tiny nod. The only amount of respect their places and ranks allow them when others are near "Ccino." He waves into the direction of the new arrivals "These people will join my workers." He looks at the four new arrivals "This. Is Ccino. He is head of the house." a title that will never pass away from him. Not as long as Nightmare is in charge.

Ccino nods "Pleasure." he looks back at Nightmare "My liege. If you have the time. There is a matter we need to discuss."

Oh yeah. Nightmare is very much in trouble.

Nightmare's voice is still calm as he speaks "Very well. I will meet you in my study after i made sure they go to their chambers."

Ccino feels unamused but he nods with a bow before he leaves the hall with a quick turn.

Nightmare turns back to his new... servants? He never quite liked that word but it works. He turns to his servants and feel his tentacles slowly rise from their position on the ground. They slowly start to idle again as he makes sure the new people learn where their rooms are and where to get food.

He brings Killer to a room more seperate from the others. Beyond the guard positions. Just because Nightmare wants to give him a chance and the fact he doesn't fear him is refreshing doesn't make Nightmare forget how dangerous Killer is.

Fuck this was a mistake.

What if Killer hurts people here?

What if he hurts Ccino?

Killer looks around his room before lounging on the bed "So what is the deal with the other skeleton?" he grins and wiggles his eye brows "Little secret going on there?"

Ngihtmare needs a moment as he wonders what Killer could mean. Then it sinks in and Nightmare feels his tentacles all spasm as he shudders "No." the answer is final and harsh. Killer actually looks surprised.

Nightmare holds his sight and speaks slowly "I will only repeat this once and remember this well. I don't like having to repeat myself." he holds Killer's gaze "Ccino is head of the house. He will remain head of the house. Nothing anyone can say or do will change this." he holds his gaze before straightening himself again as he moves towards the door "Tomorrow we will start training."

Kilelr sputters "We?!"

Nightmare stops and shoots him a look "Obviously. How am I to keep track of your skills and promise if i don't oversee the training myself?" and he leaves the room.

He hurries back through th castle towards his study. Sinking in and out of shadows as his mind, body and soul all know where he wishes to go.

He stops by his study and enters it.

Ccino is already in there. Studying the old masks in the special glass casing.

Nightmare closes the door and Ccino turns to him with a glare "What were you thinking?"

Nightmare gets taken back to a year or two prior. When he was still small. When he had cut himself to practise for the ritual. He hadn't been able to sleep and had been nervous about the apple ritual already. He had wanted to practise his part. to perform a blood oath to promise loyalty until death to his twin.

Ccino had caught him with a knife out.

Nightmare blinks back into the here and now as Ccino looks at him expecting with his arms crossed.

Nightmare blinks as he looks to the side for a moment. How is it that even wiht him being taller than Ccino he still feels small compared to him? "They were innocent."

Ccino looks unimpressed as he crosses his arms "Now with less lies."

Nightmare blinks and shoot his traitorous tendrils a look. No doubt they did something to give his little slight lie away. Ccino jsut raises a brow as he taps his foot.

Nightmare speaks again "Most of them were innocent. I didnt want them to get hang for something they did not do."

Ccino hums as he waits "And the murderer?"

Nightmare looks at Ccino "how did you know?"

Ccino sighs but has a small smile on his face. an old fond feeling as ccino looks at him and the tiny part of nightmare that had been stressed relaxes. Ccino just keeps looking slightly amused "There is a reason i told you to get out more. you only hear so many things from people in the castle nightmare. You need to go out to hear everything from everyone. I know who he is because i go to the market sometimes."

nightmare gives aslow nod as he looks away. So Ccino knows that nightmare brought a serial killer home. great.

Ccino sighs and sits on the couch for visitors and Nightmare joins him instead of sitting in his own chair.

Ccino looks at him "Just... tell me what happened. Why did you decide this?"

Ngihtmare looks at his hands. again slightly shocked to see the goop. It never stains anything yet it feels like a reminder. It is dirty. it isn't the holy light the powers promised. it is weird and looks diseased which is fitting for him. someone who betrayed everyone. who betrayed his twin. He may have gone it to protect dream. But even dream doesn't see this.

Where does that leave him?

Ccino's hand rubs his cheek and Nightmare shakes himself out of it. Ccino looks so worried as he rubs his skull "Hey... it is okay... i am not mad at you. I am worried about you. I am sorry if it seemed like i was mad."

Nightmare knows ccino isn't mad at him. Not like that at least. Nightmare can feel that. But he likes that ccino still tells him as much too.

Nightmare sighs as he leans into the gentle hold and touch. Ccino had always been one of the few to hold him. As his and Dream's babysitter it had been his job. But Ccino had always truly cared about them both. The moment that Nightmare could feel emotions he had been shocked by that.

That Ccino held no hatred for him. Not even a little bit. He enver blamed either Nightmare or Dream for his situation.

Nightmare speaks softly "The... kngihts you picked out. they were amazing. They showed much promise and would have made fine warriors."

Ccino hums as he keeps rubbing his skull "But?"

Nightmare sighs "They hated me. Even if with time they would eventually grow loyal and accept their place. They would forever hold resentment towards me for making them come."

Ccino hums and nods "I get it. It were only options Ngihtmare. there will be more people who fit the job."

Nightmare feels another part of him relax. knowing that Ccino still understands him "Killer wasn't afraid."

Ccino hums questioning.

Nightmare speaks slowly "He wasn't afraid. Not of me. Not of his situation. He stood up when near me. He didn't cower and he didn't hide." he sighs as he leans into the hug. He shouldn't need these anymore. He is an adult now and not that awkward young teen anymore. Nightmare shouldn't still count this much on the other "He saw me and didn't hate me. He knew who i was and didn't hate me. It was... new."

Ccino still feels unsure but he holds him still "And that gave you hope? That maybe if soemone didn't start with that hatred they could maybe become truly loyal?"

Ngihtmare shrugs. He isn't quite sure. he didn't think that far ahead. He just didn't want to lose another person who didn't hate him.

Ccino sighs as he keeps rubbing his skull and the back of his neck "I won't say i trust him. Because i don't. And I worry about you. I am scared he will end up hurting you."

Nightmare rolls his eyes as he answers "I have yet to even lose a fight and i had almost no training." all because of his tentacles and his newfoudn power.

Ccino just holds him tighter "There are more ways someone can hurt you Nightmare."

Nightmare feels the fear of before return. THe idea that somoene would kill Ccino. "If... if him being here makes you feel unsafe i will return him to the guards."

Ccino laughs and shakes his skull "Ngihtmare I am fine. I am not scared for me."

Nightmare keeps holding him as he feels himself start to shake. fears he had been trying to ignore and push away return to the front of his mind "Waht if they realise just how important you are? What if they try to hurt you to hurt me? What if they kill you to hurt me? Ccino maybe it is better if you hide." hide... hide away... out of sight out of mind.

Ccino just rubs his neck "It is okay Nightmare. It is okay. They don't know. and even if they have an idea your reputation adn the past of this country will just make them think I am someone who will be used as sacrifice last. That i will be punished last or least."

Nightmare shakes as he keeps holding the one person who remained "What if they hurt you because of me?"

Ccino is so calm and sure "then it would be on them. Not you. You don't want others to hurt me. It wouldn't be your fualt Nightmare and I will never see it as your fault. It is okay."

Ngihtmare still feels unsure. He made it obviously clear to Killer that Ccino is improtant. Killer is smart and Nightmare has no idea what he could be planning.

Another thought enters his mind. Somethign he had found early on in his ruling.

A very very damning piece of paper. a slave contract.

Nightmare speaks softly "I am sorry you are stuck here..."

Ccino shrugs as he keeps rubbing his back "Not your fault."

Nightmare shakes as he holds him "I.... I can undo it... I can give you back your freedom..."

Ccino had been taken from his home. Sold to the castle with a very clear purpose. First to be a babysitter. and later... well... Drema had been planning to be all powerful and go from young teen to adult in just one ritual. There is a reason Ccino's age had been only 6 years older than them.

Ccino had been suposed to be Dream's from the very start.

Ccino hums "A nice thought. Not that i thought about that contract in a long time. It hardly matters nowadays. Not like I can just leave."

Nightmare feels his grip tighten and his tendrils curl around them. He doesn't want to let go of the one person who cared. The one person he could count on to help him. To give a single shit about Nightmare. But... but how long will it take before Ccino starts hating him? If Nightmare keeps him here?

Nightmare holds him close "I... I can get you a horse... I can give you gold..." He will just use some of the treasury. Ccino deserves it. "I can send some guards with you on your way. You could go wherever you want. Back to your family."

Ccino locks both his arms around his skull and hums softly. an old lullaby and Nightmare stops. The amount of memories almost hurt. It was always Ccino who held him on bad nights. Or when he was sad. Or when everyone pushed him aside again.

Ccino speaks sfotly "Nightmare. When I say i can't leave i don't mean i physically can't leave. It means i don't want to. I decided a while ago i want to stay here Nightmare."

Nightmare shakes but refuses to let go "What... what about your family?" Ccino's fmaily have to love him. Ccino is so amazing. There is no way he isn't missed dearly after he was stolen from them.

Ccino sighs sadly "Nightmare... They have been killed a long time ago. The day i was taken the guards made sure i knew there was nothing to return to. even if i ran." Ngihtmare feels himself freeze. why... why had he thought?

Ccino rubs his skull "It hurt a lot but i accepted a long time ago Nightmare. I accepted that you two were my family now... and well... now it is just you. and it is okay. I am okay with that. I will always support you Nightmare." he grins "You may be older now but i like to think i am still the older brother."

Nightmare feels aprt of himself break as he just sinks fully into Ccino's hold "please don't also leave me." it is weak. it is pathetic. He should be stronger than this. He should have been prepared for this.

Ccino just covers his skull wiht his body and holds him "I am not going anywhere Nightmare. I will be by your side. I swear on my soul."

Nightmare relaxes and lets himself enjoy the comfort he should not need this badly. He enjoys it and can't help but let his eyes slide around the room. His sight finds the masks and remembers.

The masks are the highest honour. only shared with those most special.

He thinks something catlike will fit his older brother.

[lisxdumbr]

I think the reason why Nazuna got into singing in the first place is that it was freeing. It was an expression of freedom, although he never truly liked the church songs, and his mother had put him in, she just let him do his own thing. It was a church thing, it mattered that he did it but didn't matter if he was good at it or enjoyed it. All that mattered to her was that her son did it, and so she just let him do it. But what she didn't know is that he found a sort of freeing from these songs. It wasn't the songs themselves, the lyrics or the instrumentals, it was the time he had spent with the rest of the kids in the choir. He didn't particularly like them, in fact, he can't quite remember their faces now, but it was that he could simply interact with them however he wished. His parents weren't watching, and all his mom did was talk to the other parents- and unless he caused a ruckus, he knew that they'd speak positively about him. So, he was free, free to sing. Even though the chorus was about singing how it was supposed to, everyone was unique, and once he had found his own voice in the sea of voices of the many children present, he was finding himself. That was freedom.

sorry you are subject to my thoughts too

+ another ask:

Nazuna has felt trapped in a cage for all of his life. When he was young, he banged on the door of all sides. Many would come to visit him, admire him, as a child- but he never wanted them there. He soon came to cherish them that at least he wasn't lonely, that he wasn't trapped in a cage and alone- at least he was trapped in a cage and had some people with him. It wasn't so bad... that he could be near others- so he stopped being hostile, because they'd leave. Even if he knew that some of their interest was only because of his looks and reputation. People brought things in, it was somewhat comfortable. But he was still stuck inside the cage, trapped and in his own space forever. It was when he got to sing in the chorus that there was a beautiful sound in the cage, where he could stick his hand through the golden bars stretching ever too far up. It was a little bit, a taste of freedom- and he loved it. He pursued it, he stuck his hand further out, his voice becoming his greatest weapon in piercing the magical barrier created by this cage of his parents' "protection". At least he was grateful there weren't too many outside forces.

Even when he had gone to yumenosaki, he thought he'd been let out of the cage, but in this point, the cage had been created within his mind, wandering and aimless, until he had met itsuki shu. valkyrie had given him reasons to work hard, a concreate goal and a teacher who knew how to achieve perfection. he was to become the doll he had always been called. and he pushed himself, hard, harder than he could ever take, and thats when the cage snapped, when he released himself, he wandered again, out in the world. it was cruel and tough, until he met ra*bits and joined them, and it was then he discovered how to live outside of the cage, and even guiding others along with him.

Sorry for the late reply, you sent this the day I have my full day routine (please free me--)

BUT OHHH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOODDDDD. I love how passionate you are talking about him pls, don't apologize!!

I may not know a lot about Nazuna but I can get your point. I believe he indeed felt the necessity of being free. he wanted to stop being in the glass cage to become human (ah yes, the Valkyrie member experience) and he indeed found how to do it by encountering Ra*bits.

I actually believe Valkyrie was able to make him realize about the cage in some way? Because he formed it with Shu and he agreed to be the doll in the first place, that was the only life he knew so he took it. But after the war, everything changed, and that's where the eccentrics enter (bless them 🙏) because I do think Wataru made him realize that the cage was open the entire time and he was the one who decided to stick to it and that's SOOO IMPORTANT

The only Niichan story I've read is the one from Love it Love it (sorry I am not inclined towards Ra*bits that much </3) AND HIS DEVELOPMENT IS SO HUGE. I do believe he loves ra*bits with his life, not only because they were his key to happiness but because they gave him a purpose to pursue. And speaking of Love it Love it, I do think he sees himself reflected in Tomoya; that scene where he breaks down, I'm so sure Niichan made sure to be there because that's what he always wanted from his senpai, reliability of some sort <333

ANYWAY QIAN I'M KISSING YOUR BRAIN RN THANKS FOR THE THOUGHTS