llewellynz

[llewellynz]

thinking about this a lot today

[llewellynz]

Tim: what's the meanest thing you've ever done?

Jason: i know you expect me to say trying to beat you to death that one time, but in the league i once told Damian that Talia was lying about his heritage to manipulate Batman and his actual father was Lex Luthor. so that.

Tim: ?!

Jason: yeah i faked a DNA test to prove it and he believed me for like 4 months.

Tim: holy shit

Jason: to be honest the meanest part was probably putting hair removal cream in his shampoo and convincing him he was going bald due to genetics. he was nine.

Tim: you are my hero. hear me say these words. I. Love. You.

Jason: i know buddy. i know.

[llewellynz]

The fire in the circle of stones crackled in the night.

Then — because the battle was done, because they had been travelling together for months, and because this might be their last conversation — the fighter said, “Can I ask a personal question?”

The wizard stopped writing in her notebook mid-scribble. “Uh,” she said. And — possibly because the battle was done, and because they had travelled together for months, and because this might be their last conversation — she answered, “Possibly?”

“How do you do that?”

“How do I do what?”

“That. The thing you do when you talk without moving your lips.”

“…Oh.” The wizard closed her notebook.

“Because I know it’s not telepathy,” the fighter went on. “Telepathy goes straight to the brain. You don’t hear it with your ears.”

“Right.”

“And I didn’t want to question it, because we were busy and there were more important things going on.”

“Of course.”

“But—” The fighter waved her arms vaguely to sum up the past few months. “And now that everything’s kind of settled down, I just — I have to know how you do it.”

The wizard nodded.

“So if it’s not telepathy, is it some kind of — I don’t know, sound magic? Do you manipulate the vibrations in the air? Is it something like that?”

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s—”

The wizard pursed her lips. Then she reached up and pulled the corner of her hood open.

A tiny, black-feathered face poked out from between her curls.

“Uh,” said the fighter.

“This is Raspberry,” said the chickadee in the wizard’s voice. “She’s my — I guess you could call her my speaking-aid familiar.”

“Oh,” said the fighter. “Oh!” she said when her brain caught up with her. “Sorry, I had no idea.”

“It’s fine,” said the chickadee — said the wizard. “I try not to let people know.”

“Well — thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” The chickadee wriggled back into the shade of the wizard’s hood. The wizard turned back to her notebook.

The logs in the fire shifted with a soft, crunching noise. Sparks whorled up in a spiral.

“Sorry — can you cast spells if it’s technically someone else speaking for you?”

“It’s my words, isn’t it?” said the wizard.

[llewellynz]

Moment of zen

In a time full of change and uncertainty, allow yourself a gentle break—a kind moment to clear your mind and find peace. Like this bat ray gliding effortlessly through the blue, a shark cruising with quiet confidence, or a giant sea bass drifting in the gentle sway of the sea.

[llewellynz]

NO*Loza’s Lovely Sorpresa [Pedigree]

🐱 Norwegian Forest Cat

📸 Sofia Leonsen [NO*Loza’s]

🎨 Blue Tortoiseshell with White

[llewellynz]

Every person in a position of political power should have their daily needs matched to the lowest class of their country.

[llewellynz]

"accessory not supported on this device" yes it is you stupid slut. thats headphones. you've known each other for years

[llewellynz]

i want to talk about real life villains

Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.

Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.

I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"

I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.

And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.

He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.

John Hammond.

probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.

If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.

Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.

book spoilers below.

In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.

He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.

In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.

THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.

I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.

In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.

I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.

Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.

And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.

I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.

Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.

[llewellynz]

[llewellynz]

[llewellynz]

Poorly drawn Clefa line [redo]

[llewellynz]

Walked into a bar and saw this

[llewellynz]

Outlive the motherfucker. That's what you're going to do. Survive and thrive out of sheer spite if necessary. Live for the day that nature takes it's course and you wake up in a world that no longer has them in it.

Apply where applicable. Repeat as necessary.

[llewellynz]

So you found a dead body in the woods

The worst thing you've worried about, going on hikes, happens. This happens often, in the grand scheme of things. It's always joggers and dogwalkers and hikers. My unlucky day came on October 24, 2022.

So what do you do when you find a dead body?

Look in the other direction and take a breath. Panic wont help you or them.

If you are comfortable, approach them and try to help. If not, it's okay. I was unwilling to approach (they looked real dead) and my 911 operator was 100% totally supportive and okay with that.

Walk a little ways away. There is no reason why you need to keep staring at them. It's okay. Seeing a dead person is really wack!

When you've caught your breath, call 911. My first thought was "Oh god, I don't want to talk to cops." and, good news, it's not cops! 911 responders are different people. They are trained to talk to you, to reassure you, and to help you. They are there for you. They understand you are freaking out. They are kind and patient.

Your new buddy, the 911 person, will help you figure out where you are, exactly. They have access to your location via cell-tower and GPS, but if, like me, you were off-trail (oops), they might need your help navigating to you. I offered to also send a photo, and he provided an email, which he received immediately. I deleted the photo I took right away.

Hang out on the phone with your dispatch friend. They're going to want to keep in touch with you as the paramedics approach. Are you freaking out by chattering too much? Are you freaking out by being dead silent? Both are okay! Apparently, my panic response is to become Super Midwestern Chatty. I was able to make him laugh, which I count as a win.

Holler to the paramedics. My paramedics came deep into the ravine-filled woods, about six men, steering a rolling bed thing. We shouted at each other until they made it to the body. It would have been funny, watching them fumble along, if it wasn't so serious.

Get out of there! The paramedics don't need anything from you. They're busy doing their job. They shooed me back to the trail and to the parking lot. I didn't have to go anywhere near the body.

Meet cops in the parking lot. In my situation, the cops didn't want anything from me. They were just picking their noses in the parking lot while the paramedics did the real work. The cops said thanks for helping, while covering their bodycams, because they're pigs.

Go eat donuts. Christ, that was a lot. Let yourself comedown and get some sugar to kickstart your system.

Feel good that you gave a family closure. Yeah, that sucked. Yeah, your therapist is going to hear about this. Yeah, next time you come to this location, you're going to need a friend with you. But you did the right thing. You'll never know their family, but know that you gave them closure.

[llewellynz]

[llewellynz]

The School of Venus, or the Ladies Delight Reduced into Rules of Practice (1680) a surprisingly modern exploration of sexuality written in the form of a dialogue between a teenage girl and her more experienced cousin. Read more about it here.

[llewellynz]

First ape to go to the watering hole with a container and put some of the water in it so that they could drink more later without returning to the watering hole must have been lauded as a fucking genius.