#I can’t put into words how much I love this podcast very good

[comicallysmallcereals]

(Kinda skrunkly old art under the cut)

do I think they could be canon no….

do I think it would be unendingly funny if they somehow got together? Yes absolutely.

[jolieblack]

Jolie’s thoughts on

The Dancing Men (Sherlock & Co. podcast)

OK, deep breath.

What a ride.

There’s a reason why I’m so late putting my thoughts into words this time round. This case really hit different, at least the final 15 minutes did.

Let’s talk about the earlier four fifths first… Lots of great moments as usual!

John getting into another tussle with London water fowl. "Get a life!" Who needs to get a life, we wonder fondly.

"I bring soup, glorious soup!" - So sweet! Even sweeter with the reversal at the end.

"Never mind Sherlock, his best mate is that bloody microphone." - Not the most hilarious punchline ever, Stamo, but what I love most about this comment is how John doesn’t find it funny at all.

John being a tech nerd with the audio editing of the cryptic message! Pop culture knowledge and tech nerdery doing what Sherlock Holmes couldn’t. Wa-hoo!

Another highlight: The Stamfords singing for fun (and John ruining it by insisting on singing along). And *then* the Stamfords becoming absolutely instrumental in making the final musical puzzle! (Not that they couldn’t just have used a regular recording for their trap, like Abe did for his message to Elsie, but then where would have been the fun. I’m surprised that Sherlock can’t hold a tune, btw. I’m even more surprised that he was trying to sing for an audience.) But the whole music puzzle theme was lovely altogether. Very clever, very creative. "The Police! It’s The Police!" 😂

Not entirely sure what to think of the NYPD behaving like a third rate action drama NYPD… but yeah, we got the message. And I guess it was also a necessary preparatory scene for the end of Part 3. I mean, there’s actually no way in hell that the London police would set a trap for a murder suspect pretty much with the main objective of killing him right away, rather than arresting him. There’s also no way in hell that the London police would shoot at two nerds running around in their crime scene just like that. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I was left wondering after Part 1 what the significance of the Lost Rivers of London was going to be. That mention and the explanation seemed just too random to be random. And then it came back in part 2… And then I turned out to be right. Yay!

Poor harassed Inspector Martin is a whole mood. 😆

And then - tadah - we finally find out about "Lestrade"! 🥳 Didn’t I say she was the character I was most interested in meeting? Love "Gwen", which I’m taking as a nod to "Greg", my personal favourite Lestrade of all time. Also, good choice to make her a very high ranking officer, to explain why it’s OK for the police to cooperate with an irregular freelancer like Sherlock (a major headache in any modern adaptation).

"A lot has changed in those 8 seconds" - This is just bound to be another absolute classic in our fandom.

John playing a BBC presenter! Dream on. And boo John for not acknowledging how absolutely correct Sherlock’s comment about war never being "other news" was. I love that they got to officially hijack the actual BBC for their stunt though.

John getting a too-tight bullet proof vest and making a new friend. 😝 Seriously Sherlock, your status was never in question here.

"Don’t stereotype Americans!" - "He’s from Chicago, for God’s sake!" - Love how John just never takes his own advice.

And THEN…

I have so many questions. Sherlock and John should have so many questions, too, for themselves and for each other.

I would like to know what John thinks it is that makes him run after Sherlock into situations so frightening and dangerous that he literally wets himself. That really is no joke.

I would also like to know why these two are convinced that they’re fine going after an armed, mentally unstable killer on their own, especially when a police team armed to the teeth is standing ready just around the corner. Is an unhealthy adrenaline addiction a necessary prerequisite of being Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson, and if yes, will we see (hear, I mean) them actually talk about it, reflect on it, deal with it? Nobody forced them to confront Abe with zero backup like that. Are they just OK with it?

Yeah, like all of you, I forgot about the bullet-proof vest, too. Not that I could tell, in audio format, that John *didn’t* get shot in the head or in the leg or in any other place that might as well be fatal…

The way Sherlock says "please" kills me.

As does the way he goes back and forth between "John" and "Watson" in this scene, depending on whether he’s being coolly calculating or horribly worked up emotionally.

Is John actually telling Sherlock to shoot Abe before Abe shoots them (again), when Sherlock is about to drop the gun? Our Jonk, who hates gun violence and who keeps telling Sherlock that he can’t just shoot people, even if they’re very bad people?

I won’t be shouting and screaming and yelling about Sherlock completely losing the plot and taunting and abusing a dying man (a certified mentally ill man, too) and - according to the official transcript - actually strangling him, too, because we’ve been doing nothing else for a week now. But I want this addressed, too. I want this to be reflected on by the characters. I want them to figure it out live on audio where that came from and what it means. If I was John I’d be effing *scared* of my flatmate after this, even if he called me his best friend in the same breath.

A lot of us are seeing the parallel to the showdown of the first episode of BBC Sherlock, of course, and what Sherlock does to the dying bad guy in that scene… and I think it’s legit to wonder what this parallel means for the podcast. Especially since it has no equivalent in ACD canon. ACD’s Holmes does taunt bad guys sometimes after they’re defeated, but only ever verbally, and not when they’re physically hurting, let alone dying. And he sometimes lets fate run its course, rather than stepping in and saving a bad guy from the consequences of his own actions (like Baron Gruner, or Charles Augustus Milverton), but that’s only *allowing* bad things to happen, not actively inflicting physical and/or emotional pain on an already suffering/dying villain with his own words or hands. BBC Sherlock could plausibly do it because that was still the Sherlock without John, the Sherlock before John, the Sherlock that eventually got changed for the better by John’s positive influence. Here in the podcast, Sherlock has been sharing his life with John for months already and he’s *still* doing this? I find that disquieting, to say the least.

I guess what I want most from this episode is CONSEQUENCES. And I’m worried that we’ll just not get any. Starting with John needing at least one broken rib after being hit by a bullet at such close range, if not several. But more importantly, consequences in terms of "what the fuck did we do there and let’s count in how many ways it wasn’t OK". I mean, seriously, our boys are in for YEARS of therapy now.

I am so curious to find out just how badly that will all be glossed over in the upcoming episodes. I mean, I know this is fiction. I know the Podlock Universe is a place where you can be back making music within a day or two of shooting yourself in the head and being in a coma. But I don’t want realism for the sake of realism, I want it for the sake of the characters' journeys and their relationship.

I also want to know how on earth Joel is planning to top this one once he gets to the Three Garridebs.

[tame-a-messenger]

Ok I’m glad that we’re getting sword af again but I’m disappointed it’s audio only. Like is it bad that this announcement kinda ruined my day a bit? One of the things people like the most is seeing the cast interactions I mean a majority of the posts I’ve seen about sword af are about their interactions and reactions to things (and several posts about the seating arrangement for next season only to get no seating arrangement 😔). Also like I don’t really do podcasts. I can’t focus on audio only things for that long and (even though I’m definitely going to try to listen to season two) I don’t think I’m going to be able to listen to season two because I can’t focus that long when there’s no visuals. Everyone keeps saying budget is the reason for it to be only audio but smosh mouth and smosh Reddit stories are their podcasts but both of them have video too. Cut the video for smosh mouth if you have budget problems not the show where acting and reactions and interactions are so important. This is just going to hinder the sword af experience like I don’t understand why they did it?? I just can’t believe they delayed sword af season two for like 5 or 6 months only to make it audio only. I’m so sad that I’m probably not going to be able to enjoy season two as much because I’m not going to be able to get into it like I can when I can actually see everyone.

Also the wording really got me too like “rejoice!! 80% of what made sword af so good has been taken away!!! Hazzah!!!” Like wtf?! I keep seeing people saying we should be grateful we even get a season two and like yeah. I get that but also it’s going to be a completely different experience now and we have a right to be a little disappointed about that. Idk I’m just disappointed and a little upset but I’m going to give it a try and hopefully I’ll be able to enjoy it still

I’m happy it’s not dead in the water too, but at what cost?

Having it be audio only???? like how can you miss the point so badly?? 

THE FUCKING SEATING ARRANGEMENT POSTS IM GONNA CRY

I want to talk about the possible reasons they changed it to a podcast but I’m honestly too confused to even think of reason they would change it at all? Like it got similar views to most of the other content they put out at that time?? it wasn’t that different? And the community LOVED IT! 

“Everyone keeps saying budget is the reason for it to be only audio but smosh mouth and smosh Reddit stories are their podcasts but both of them have video too“

(maybe not so much Reddit Stories because they make bank $ off those videos) BUT SMOSH MOUTH?? Like we could have had at the very least 1 steady cam pointed at them (or if we want the very least- a recording of them in a zoom call (I’m assuming the reason it’s going to be audio only is because they’re filming sessions at home through zoom/discord??) I would literally take that over no visuals

They said S2 was dropping Dec 10 2023 (holy fuck I went to fact check and they removed the release date off the end of the video..)(I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be sometime in Dec) then they pushed it back with no new release date- THEN THEY TAKE BACK THE VISUAL ASPECTS????? WTF

Thanks guys, really, thanks....

“the wording really got me too like “rejoice!! 80% of what made sword af so good has been taken away!!! Hazzah!!!”

Actually had me seething. I can’t believe they phrased it that way. 

Don’t get me wrong. I love Sword AF. That’s exactly why I’m so pissed off about this whole debacle, they teased the FUCK out of S2 only to strip it down to the absolute bare bones. 

I just don’t understand why they would do this.

[twistedwonderlandobsession]

Hi! I was really interested in this post and I thought that I’d try it! 

My ingame name is Flick, she/they, I’m b-day twins with Leona, and I’m 15 going on 16 soon! (So no staff matches, please!)

I’m an introvert, and I’m on the spectrum. Probably ADHD or OCD? I’m still on the waiting list for a psych evaluation. I tend to overshare and get defensive easily.

I can’t stand clutter. If I’m in a messy environment I can’t function. I’m only productive if I need to do something I’m interested in. My lifestyle is based on my mood, so it fluctuates a lot. I consider myself to have pretty intense mood swings.

I like sunshine, grape juice, graphic novels, writing, drawing and cats. I dislike bugs, clutter, my siblings, hot weather and alarm clocks.

I’m homeschooled b/c my experience in public school wasn’t good. I hyperfixate on things. The current object of my obsession is Twisted Wonderland.

When in a good environment, I perform very well academically. I enjoy being physical (like in P.E.), but haven’t recently.

My life is kind of in a slump right now. My mental health is high, and I’ve been working on improving myself, but I haven’t gotten anywhere with social or physical health.

I’m hoping to change that soon and get out of my comfort zone. I want to have friends and be able to not get flustered or freak out around people. That’s a big goal of mine.

I think I’m a little like Rook, but I only focus on the beauty in art. Not people or architecture, just art. I feel happiest when I find a graphic novel that boasts the art style I admire.

Okay, sorry if that was too long! Thank you so much for looking at this, I look forward to seeing who I’ll match with! (Please do platonic and romantic!)

I match you with Kalim Al-Asim

(platonic)

The First Impression:

As soon as Kalim accidently made eye contact with you one time in the hall he was immediately attached to your side. Determined to be your friend.

The Relationship:

No matter how much you "overshare" kalim was right next to you eagerly listening to each word like a podcast....he may not remember all of it but he tries! No matter how defensive you become this clueless ball of sunshine was never taking any of it personally and always tried to make you more comfortable with him. Honestly it's hard to tell if he is extremely patient with your mood swings or just dosen't notice them.

Any intrests of yours are always fascinating to him, and as soon as you mention any Hobbie Jamil is physically holding him back from spending hundreds of thousands on supplies so he can join your fun. Though after Jamil is done wrestling him feel free to talk his ear off about your current hyperfixation. He is eagerly listening while nodding.

Being homeschooled and a bit deprived of social interaction was something both of you had experienced when younger and while kalim may refuse to feel negativity about this experience burying his emotions deep deep down it dose give him something to relate to you about.

Knowing that you love sunshine he always would try to get you to hang out at a park or eat outside with him, but would always avoid Scarabia or any hot and humid places prioritizing your comfort above all else.

As soon as he head you mention once in passing that you wanted to get out a bit more and make more friends this boy was all over it, dragging you around and introducing you to everyone he knew, constantly encouraging you to step out out your comfort zone.

He means well just put your hand on his shoulder and tell him to slow down a little.

I match you with Jade Leech

(Romantic)

The First Impression:

Jade was intrigued by you, or rather more specifically your tendencies. Granted, that they were nothing too outlandish but nonetheless the variety of emotions, reactions, tendencies and appearance mixed together at times could be quit the contradiction and always made his eyes linger on you whenever near

Why He Fell:

Honestly no one knows why Jade fell, perhaps not even Jade himself. Granted even if the Leech twin did happen to know it was very unlikely that he would tell you. Though over time it became clear how he would subtly glance around the room, or how he would casually inch twords you, even getting to the point where he would randomly muse to himself about whatever had your focus raising his voice ever so slightly louder than usual or interject in your conversations. Soon this turned into light touches such as picking a leaf off your uniform or brushing your hair out of your face, which became bolder casually grabbing your arm or shoulder to steer you eventually morphing into him putting a arm around your shoulders or resting his chin atop your head.

The Relationship:

When you did begin dating the closer you got the more that it was clear that Jade was in no way the more reasonable twin, he just happened to be more composed and less upfront than Floyd was. This was made clear the more time you spent with him being just as chaotic as his brother, having a tendency to hang around whatever he had deemed amusing.

Being that he has a rather moody brother himself the male delt with your mood swings quite well, even if they were particularly bad at times he always managed to take whatever you threw at him with an amused smile already being adjusted to have to live with a rather unpredictable and moody person since birth.

He was eerily good at picking up on your mood, interests, and current hyperfixations. Always knowing just where the line was and making sure to never cross it. Despite his surprisingly teasing nature at times that to some may come off as intimidating and everything in-between your relationship was built off of a mutual respect for one another's boundaries and care for eachothers needs.

It was good for him that he noticed how much you loved the sun and enjoyed being active, using this information to his advantage he began taking you on hikes with him. After a while of this happening he happening to note you tended to have more energy the day after and seemed to be more positive and productive causing him to make these hikes a annual thing making sure you have them at least once a week if not more.

As soon as you accepted Jade Leech as your partner that was it, there was not getting rid of him. There was no way he was letting you go over trivial fights and such like most relationships downfall. As far as he was concerned he was just waiting for the time to pass till he could legally make you his life partner. Though despite this he never stopped working on maintaining your relationship and keeping clear communication about the important things so that one day he will be able to get a ring on that finger. Though until then he'll just enjoy the ride.

[actualbird]

this is gonna be a long ramble that trails off into different directions

so i was listening to episode 75 of this podcast called Lingthusiasm all about linguistics (highly recommend it, it's a great read and my god they have TRANSCRIPTS which is GODSEND for me who can only listen completely focused if i have an accompanying visual component) and this episode is named "Love and fury at the linguistics of emotions" which is all about words and emotions.

again, i highly recommend this podcast, ive only listened to a few episodes but it's so delightful to anybody interested in languages. this episode particularly piqued my interest because im Obsessed with the Concepts Of Emotional Articulation both as a writer and reader (how to communicate emotions effectively in literature), and as a person (im not great with emotions! i have a very low empathy, recognizing both my own and other people's emotions is very difficult for me!).

anyway, great episode, but when they got to THIS part of the episode, it piqued my interest in a different way (colored text added by me for emphases):

Gretchen: There’s this really fun paper about how kids learn emotion words and develop their emotional expressions, and I think the thing that’s the most fun about this is that it puts into academic words what is probably familiar territory for a lot of people if you’ve met a few kids. Here’s a few quotes from this paper. It says, “By the time language begins, towards the end of the first year, emotional expression is already well-established. Children do not need to learn the names of the emotions in order to tell other people what they are feeling.” Lauren: So, as a translation, just because kids don’t know the word for “sad” doesn’t mean that they can’t be very, very sad at you by screaming in your face. Gretchen: [Laughs] Yeah, I think that’s basically what it’s saying. Lauren: Hm, yeah, that makes sense to me. Gretchen: “But they do need to learn the language to tell other people what their feelings are about. Language does not replace emotional expression, rather children learn language for expressing and articulating the objects and circumstances of their emotional experiences while they continue to express emotion with displays of positive and negative affective tone.” Lauren: Kids can laugh and cry. Gretchen: And throw screaming tantrums on the floor, yeah. Lauren: And throw absolute meltdowns. But they have to learn to talk about these things as well, which is why so many children’s books spend so much time talking about the emotions and the feelings of the characters because it’s a really great space to practice doing that in.

and that piqued my interest because.......as a child i do NOT remember reading any children's books about emotions!! because i am filipino, most of the children's books that were around and were what he had at home alamat, or local legends/myth/folk stories. and many of them were not talking about emotions but about THE CONSEQUENCES OF WRONGDOINGS

SO MANY CONSEQUENCES

EVERYWHERE

here are two examples off the top of my head of stories i read as a child

in alamat ng ampalaya (legend/origin story of the bitter gourd), in a land of vegetables all the vegetables had great colored clothes and flavors and the ampalaya was so jealous of all of them that he stole everyone's clothes and wore them all at once. then the clothes and flavors all mixed, turning his appearance wrinkly and his flavor terrible

alamat ng pinya (legend/origin story of the pineapple), a spoiled daughter who doesnt know how to do any housework has to take care of her ailing mother but doesnt know where any of the things are so her mother says "i wish you had several eyes so you could find things" and then the daughter turned into a strange fruit that would become the pineapple

so like. the only emotion i truly learned as a child was anxiety and fear because yOU BETTER BE GOOD OR ELSE YOU'LL TURN INTO PRODUCE

anyway great podcast

[mangoposts]

OK STAWP i’m the one who posted the alahna rant and i saw someone say they hated madi , i didn’t know if i was safe here BUT

by no means do i hate or dislike her BUT I DO THINK that girl is too serious sometimes like

like also her online presence too becoming so mysterious and stuff like i get that she wants privacy but alahna is just like so raw and real like I JUST LOVE HER

idk in the vids w madi the vibes aren’t 💯 (they’re still good vids but) like that’s what i was trying to say in a very nice way like with alahna it just seems so much more fun like u guys just DONT GET ITT

like pls the alahna vids are soo chill and natural and i feel like with madi it’s kinda (forced isn’t the right word but i can’t think of anything else) like yes they’re close friends but like

i really don’t know how to explain it it’s like the way they act with each other?? and i’m aware we’ve only seen what’s on camera and we have no idea what happens behind the scenes but i’m just comparing the on camera relationships

i could talk about this for days but like with alahna, the friendship was so like comfortable like the type of friendship where they would like swear at each ither and call each other names and stuff (as close friends do like u know they’re not being fr), but then with madi it just looks more surface level (again i’m not saying they’re not close but LIKE ITS SOO DIFFERENT) like they’re just nicer? or being more like refrained

i hope this makes sense i’m trying so hard to put my thoughts into words😭😭

Idk i think Nick is extremely close with Madi it’s just not put online as much, he talks about her in podcasts all the time, knows everything about her, has a matching tattoo with her, has her photo framed in his bedroom. Like definitely they have a real genuine friendship, he does pick on her and try to play with her a lot as well. But that’s just Nick, i know Chris and Matt also like Madi and i feel like it’s because they know they can trust her. But obviously they aren’t as close with her the way Nick is. Definitely they were ALL closer with alahna and their relationship was much different since they were kids and they spent more time growing up together. But i do think Nick is almost equally as close to Madi the way he was alahna.

A part of me feels like they’re not trying to make the same mistakes of the past by putting too much of their friendships online, since that’s probably the main reason of what drove them and alahna apart and they don’t want history to repeat itself 🤷🏻‍♀️ Im not sure, im not Madi’s fan or anything but i just don’t think the idea of Nick/the boys not being close with her is true

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi JWB! Aisha this side 😊

How are you doing? I hope everything is fine with you and I genuinely hope and pray that you are doing good, because though I don’t know you personally but with your blog and podcast and everything you put out there, now you’ve become a part of my life. Whenever I feel low or miss iss pyaar ko I just open your blog and then there comes a big smile on my face and I forget what I was stressing about. So thank you dil se for existing and making us happy with all your love and warmth through your blog.

Lol this long above message might make you feel emotional but trust me whatever even written is true.

So my ask is,

Well we all know how Arnav was very bad at expressing love initially though. It was During Akash and Payal wedding he concluded to himself he loves Khushi.

But Khushi being filmy and dramatic to the core, understood what love is and knew she has fallen in love with Arnav, way before even Arnav even wanted to admit that to himself. So why didn’t Khushi confess to Arnav that she loves him.

These days I mean not literally, but from quite a recent times…women confessing their love first, they go for it confidently if they believe in their choice and love and ask out the guy.

So I wonder why didn’t Khushi take the first step. Well I know Arnav being Arnav any girl would think twice if the boy has dark, intimidating and angry personality. But since Khushi had started getting the acidity and dhak dhaks, wasn’t she sure enough to herself if that’s the guy. Or was she waiting for him to have same sort of feelings for her or so??

Because when that Shyam wrote on the mirror to meet on terrace and when she misunderstood that it was Arnav calling her on the terrace, she kinda knew that he wants to discuss something about their growing attraction towards each other.

So with that thought in mind, I wonder why didn’t Khushi confess to Arnav first that she loved him.

Well, I hope you share your thoughts on it and I’d love to read them coz you write those so sweetly and everything you interpret from your pov always makes sense to me. Hehe!!

Lots of love JWB! and I hope I haven’t written a long ask that would make you sleep while reading, haha!

Tumhare jawab ka intezar rahega 💗

Love

~ Aisha

Hello Aisha!

Apologies for the delay in response! I am doing well and thank you so much for the genuinely sweet message. It made my day. I am so touched. All I ever intended was for some little fun over here and your words just made this a very special place 🫂

Have you heard of the phrase once bitten twice shy? That’s the case for Khushi. During Diwali she was head over heels in puppy love for Arnav - they even nearly kissed - but it was all over in a smoke and Arnav had very cruelly stated that it could’ve meant something for her but for him neither she nor do any of their mutual moments mattered.

So when Khushi gets feels again for Arnav and he’s being sweet - she doesn’t want to get hurt and is very confused where it’s coming from. He’s been kind before, he’s even softly flirted before - she is taken aback by the open flirting and interest he shows to her.

Is she imagining things? Is Arnav going to break her heart again? She simply isn’t ready to harbor anything romantic for him and is more anxious than flustered by the romance.

By Haldi she wants him to take the first step. Of clarifying what’s between them. Why did he buy bangles? She’s actually asking him to rise about the silence of whatever’s between them. To give it a name.

But when she watches him be a waiter, happily, while serving food to her guests that’s when we see a huge change in Khushi. She starts testing romantic waters again.

This time fear is replaced with anticipation. She’s more participative in whatever he’s showing. Hence she gently asks for his opinion on the saree and can’t wait to hear what he has to say because everything feels so good to be true.

And unfortunately in her case, it was.

Hope you had a good time reading this answer as well!

Best,

- JWB 💕

[ririretry]

A Brand Freaking New Year

My mom told me and my brother that we have to come up with some New Year's resolutions by the end of the week. I haven't started thinking about it, which is totally fine.

"It's only Wednesday," she says with no idea with what she wants her resolutions to be.

I'm not one that believes in New Year's resolutions. I used to, but then sometime, somewhere, someone on the internet told me that they're unsustainable. MAKES TOTAL SENSE! I agree! We write down a bunch of fluff that we think we can tackle by the end of the year, and by the 3rd week, we give up. That and my favorite argument that I always used was the whole, "why do you need one day to define your whole year" thing. Like, someone can make goals at any day of the year, why does it have to be January 1st - "if you really wanted to reach your goal, you'd start right now." And yeah, I get all of the sentiment. I understand. We're all little weak-minded individuals that need instant change and gratitude and can't handle the necessary means that it takes to set goals, fulfill them, and continue trudging through a generally sucky world.

But, here I am! About to write down some resolutions. I really think that I can do it this year. Looking back, I did do a few things on my vIsiOn BoaRd considering I looked at that thing once. It was very pretty.

ANyway. On with it

1. Reestablish healthy levels of dopamine

My only issue is my phone consumption and automatically, my social media consumption. THROUGH the roof. Embarrassingly too high. Makes me sick, frustrated, and unruly. I hate going on my phone, but I literally cannot help it. It really do be an addiction, so I'm gonna do whatever it takes to actually not be obsessed with my phone. Starting rn!! Timers to Snapchat and Youtube were set. I deleted Instagram off my phone because that's honestly an easier one to delete. Twitter and Instagram are still on my laptop, and I'm gonna keep that because I'm easily less likely to go on my laptop to scroll on the media. I also don't watch Youtube on my laptop that much?

2. Become my own best friend

Haha! I hate myself! Nothing new, but I’ve been slowly becoming my own friend again. Not yelling at myself all the time - allowing myself to make mistakes - not expecting perfection - not invalidating my own feelings - trying to build my own confidence again - being sure of my words and self even if I’m unsure, being sure of my uncertainty..... A lot. Yanno maybe take myself out on dates and make time for me. I just want to trust myself again, and be my own friend. I deserve that level of respect and love to myself especially if I provide that for my friends. 

3. Invest in my hobbies, skills, and interests

With my newly established dopamine, I will also make more times for things that matter in my life such as: painting, drawing, guitar, bass, podcasting, writing on here perhaps, etc.. This goes hand in hand with my first resolution, so hopefully this comes naturally. I am a little nervous because I have neglected these things before as I’ve gone on this journey multiple times. I am going to have to figure out how I’m going to allot time to these things. These things require effort, and being on my phone did not. I’m naturally a tired person, but maybe that was my phone. I dunno! We will SEE!

4. Create meaningful relationships

I haven’t been the type to maintain friendships. I’ve gotten better. I have three solid lifetime friendships, which is more than most people can say and I’m so endlessly grateful for them. I have 4-6 solid good friends, which is also awesome, and a bunch of acquaintances that easily could be great friends had I put a little more effort. I’m not looking for more friends because I am very content with the people that I have, but I do want to make every interaction I have with someone meaningful and positive. This requires a little more effort in reaching out, keeping and making plans, and establishing a solid friendship even if it doesn’t last forever. I say this mostly because I’ve closed myself off to people - mostly unintentional, and I want to understand others more. 

5. Mind, body, soul

Journal/Read, exercise/eat healthy, pray

Seems self explanatory, I’m pretty decent at like 1.5 of them. Praying is gonna be tough, but I do want to appreciate it more. But that want must turn into action, so I will pray. Maybe just listen at first, which I have done, but seriously like. It’s another outlet. I love my religion and what it stands for, so I should make time. 

6. Understand my career better

 Side quest, but a very important side quest. I wanna know what I might get into. How to do it. What can I do to understand it, so I wanna take a lot of time to really dig in and invest in my future. 

FINGERS CROSSED FOR NEW HORIZONS

[witflitmanict]

A question for the youths

One of the things I find myself thinking most often when I talk to people younger than me is “Do you realize how fast things changed?”

I realize how old I must sound saying this, but the thing about working with children the entirety of your “adult” life is that you are just used to sounding old. It can’t be helped. When you make a living off of caring for the safety and wellbeing of others, and have a responsibility to educate and help raise them…you are going to sound old.

So I accept that I sound old here. Just as I accept that there are people out there who would consider my ripe old age to be old. It’s only fair, I certainly thought people past 30 were old for most of my life. 

But I don’t mean to sound old here. And I am not trying to talk about how things were in the old days. Certainly I am not trying to tell anyone that things were better in the past. I am simply amazed at how much has changed so fast. 

I was born in 1990. I am a queer, white, working class person. I went to schools that were pretty shitty, in a town that was shittier, until I moved to a new better school in a bigger more diverse but honestly just as shitty town. I was, thankfully, raised by very open minded people who did their damndest to instill in me the value of treating everyone around you as the complex being they are. This has always put me a bit at odds with much of society. 

When I was in school other students asked me if I was gay. They called me a fag, a lesbian, a freak and they suggested it would be better if I was dead. I was 12. 

While I never said the word, I had no problem having “tough, criminal” or “typical teenage boy” characters say the word fag. I type it here because it is what I typed then. It was thrown at me, and I had characters throw it out as a way to demean their enemies. I also had them say things were “gay” and that one I cannot promise I never used. 

When I was in school no one thought twice about the fact that we only had one black student in the class. And no one intervened when one other black student, a girl, came to school and students riddled her with questions like “Why do all black girls have short hair?” or said things like “Can I have her on my team? I heard black people are good at basketball.” I went home one day and asked my parents what the word “N****” meant and they told me in horrified voices that I should never say that word and asked me where I had heard it. When I told them, they told me they were not surprised, and to tell the teacher should I ever hear them say that word again. A similar thing happened a few years later with the word “ch***” thrown as my close, Asian friend. The students who said these words were told off by the teachers and principals, and maybe got detention. Nowadays, words like that usually mean an automatic suspension at a minimum. (At least where I am).

By the time I reached high school this was changing, admittedly. It was also a much more diverse area. But I have no doubt if I went back and talked to many of the students of color at my high school, they would have plenty of stories about microaggressions or even simple aggressions that were never dealt with. 

But it goes beyond the obvious things. Today I listened to a podcast where one of the hosts mentioned working on a show that’s whole premise was to take angry, nerdy boys and young men who had been unlucky in love, and teach them how to woo a woman. They told them that their anger towards women was legitimate, and could be used to attract them (although probably not in so many words). The other host asked when this was, suggesting the early 2000s. The first host hesitated a moment, before saying he thought it was as late as 2010, possibly even 2012. 

I was in university by that point. But that checks out. The word “incel” was only just starting to come into the vernacular. People at my college knew that “gay” was now a word that should not be said but back home even other “progressive” friends still used it to describe things they did not like. I believe “cringe” is probably closer to what it meant by then. No one had told the world that black lives matter, trans people only existed on the fringes of society, and women should be happy that they now had important jobs and know that sexism (like racism) was over. 

For god’s sake, I still had to argue with people that climate change (still called global warming) was real and that not all Muslims were terrorists in 2013. 

And all of that was barely a decade ago. That seems like a long time when a decade means half your life, I understand that, but it was a blink of an eye for most people. 

But for me, and many people like me, one day I suddenly woke up and found that most of what I had been saying for years was now considered the correct, common knowledge and that I was likely behind on recognizing my own biases. I found that the same people who had once fought me on issues like whether an all girls school should accept a trans woman or whether inner city neighborhoods had an increased number of “gang members” because of an inherent problem vs a systematic one…agreed with me. And what was worse, they often tried to now repeat to me the same things I had been saying for years. It was a whiplash I am not sure I have recovered from. 

And again, this is not to say that there is anything wrong with this. Nor is it even to tell young(er) people to be more forgiving of the mistakes older people make when trying to navigate the very complicated nature of politics, race, gender and sexuality. Be angry. You deserve that. It may drive me crazy sometime but hey, I drove lots of old(er) people crazy too when I was younger. 

But I really do wonder: do young people realize how quickly things changed? Because while I want to give you all the benefit of doubt, my own experience of being a young person makes me think that you probably do not. I certainly did not have a good gauge of how much the world had changed from the time my parents were teens (in the 70s) to when I was a teen (in the 2000s) and that was a much longer amount of time. Although it now feels like very little in the grand scheme of things. 

So how could you understand it? Perhaps you can, because you have better access to the media of 10, 20, even 30 or 40 years ago than I did growing up. You can watch our old movies and be horrified by what people do and say (I certainly am). But then I find that often you question how those things could be said or done at that time. And that’s the difference. I don’t wonder about that. There was no mention of body shaming or fatphobia when the movie Shallow Hal came out.  It was generally thought of as funny, and anyone who suggested it may not be, was told to be less sensitive. I suspect it was much the same as how people felt about blackface in the 20s. 

But Shallow Hal came out in 2001. 

(Is 2001 now a very long time ago to you? My current group of students was born mostly in 2003 and they are considered adults…so I suspect the answer is yes…)

(1355)

[lulu-world]

LuluWorld, Episode 1: "How Am I Supposed To Be A Writer With This?!"

I’m sorry, what?!

“Passable“?

I just wrote the best possible paper on Pride and Prejudice this school has ever seen and I get a passable?!

How am I supposed to be the most magnificent author in this and all future days and ages if my understanding of one of the key feminist literary works is passable?!

It had to be a mistake. I was staring at the scribbled word in red pen, on the bottom of the page, under my meticulously written conclusion, cursing the day my English teacher, Ms. Austen (the irony!) was born. Who does she think she is, a descendant?

Could she be?

Let me rewind a bit.

I’m Lulu, of Lulu’s World fame. Okay, that fame part might be an exaggeration - I have a book podcast that has about ten regular listeners, and I can name three of them. Jack, Ava and my dad, and even he isn’t that much of a regular. My mom is too busy and my sister “cannot be bothered with childish takes on books of dubious quality”. She’s so annoying.

I learned to read at three.

By age seven, I had read all the fairy tale books I could get my hands on.

By age nine, I had decided.

I’m going to be a writer.

Yes.

And now, weeks before my sixteenth birthday, I am being discarded in the basket of semi-literate high-schoolers who write passable papers on serious literature.

How is passable even an acceptable grade?

“You can wipe the shock off your face, Lulu,” I heard the treacherous voice behind me.

Ms. Austen.

“It’s far from what I’m used to from you,” she said casually. “It’s written well, but you’ve completely missed the point of the novel. Excellent work, Ava,” she added casually.

My best friend did not get passable. On the contrary.

“Isn’t that debatable, though?” I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

“It is,” my teacher said. “However, you’ve set the bar high with your previous work. You’ll have to do better next time.”

Oh, so it’s my fault I’ve set the bar high. She must have thought it was such a motivating thing to say. Gah, I can’t even be bothered anymore. This is counterproductive to my work. I need my writing brain stable. I need my beauty nerves intact. Not all bookworms need to look like they’ve been dragged through mud, thank you very much, movies from the early 2000s. I just need to snap out of it, because it’s coming.

My birthday is coming and I will finally gather the courage…

To invite him.

Aren’t you just amazed at how you can do everything right, like, you’re smart, you’re doing good in school, you have friends, you have a family you don’t hate (okay, I love them), you have everything planned so well… 

And you’re a complete idiot when it comes to the guy you like?

I’m sorry. Not like. Have an epic crush on. A crush of soul-drenching, knee-trembling, cheek-exploding proportions.

And he, given my luck these days - has a girlfriend.

Of course he does.

Like he’s going to wait for me to gather the courage and say a tiny, croaky ‘hi’, at his age of sixteen, in a school full of hot girls, in the presence of a thousand batting eye-lashes? And I’m not even that shy!!!

At lunch, I had my forehead on the table, completely uninterested in the food in front of me, thinking only of how miserable I felt watching him from a distance.

Ava patted my back.

“Just screw him,” she said. “He’s not worth it, someone new will come along.”

I admire her attitude sometimes.

“I don’t want someone new,” I said, staring at my knees. “I want Lucas.”

“Who is she, anyway?” Ava asked, as I had already informed her the second I found out. It was a long, long texting sessions, with me freaking out and her trying to talk me out of freaking out.

“I don’t know. I just saw a story on his Instagram where he’d put his hand around her and plastered a tiny heart emoji somewhere between them. It was horrible.”

“The tragedy,” Ava said.

“I know you’re mocking me.”

“I swear I’m not.”

But Ava wouldn’t understand. She had a boyfriend of two years and her days of quiet romantic suffering were over. Mine on the other hand were threatening to rain on every other aspect of my life.

“What’s the next episode of The World about?” Ava tried to change the subject, in hope of me getting unglued from the table and engaged in productive conversation.

“Well, it was going to be on Pride and Prejudice, but it turns out I completely missed the point, didn’t I?" I snapped. Not at her. At the world.

I spent the rest of the classes sulking and jotting down ideas for short stories. And when I left the building, I could swear I heard a sad blues song as the soundtrack to my pathetic being.

I’m illiterate.

Lucas has a girlfriend.

I have a few hours to think of a completely new concept for the podcast.

I’ll never find love, will I?

Of course, when I got home, my dad immediately had an opinion.

“And what tragedies have the heavens bestowed upon my child, might I ask?” he quipped from behind his laptop. To the uninitiated, this would sound like my dad was a Biblical character, of the most solemn kind.

But it was his way of showing that he’s once more unbothered by my life’s turmoil, in fact - he thought banter would be more appropriate. A comic, my dad. And a horror writer by day.

“Not now, dad,” I dropped my backpack and made my way towards the stairs.

Up in my room, I buried my face in my pillow. I was preparing to treat myself to a thorough cry, it was long overdue. The paper, Lucas, the stupid girlfriend, who wasn’t even that ugly. Who am I kidding, she was gorgeous. One can’t even take a break.

And just as I was about to surrender, I felt my phone vibrate from somewhere under me.

I swear, if it’s dad with another attempt at a joke, I’ll…

But the name on the screen certainly wasn’t Dad.

My jaw dropped and my heart started pounding, threatening to rise up in my throat.

It was him.

And right under the name Lucas, it said:

Hey.

NOW WHAT?!

[survivor-marieta-islands]

Cast Reveal #2 - Sin Sazonar - New School

AJ | SHE/HER | 19 | PORTUGAL | STUDENT

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hi y'all I'm AJ and I like survivor. I enjoy making new friends, I beebop (travel) around sometimes, and that's pretty much it. I also enjoy writing and drawing. Can't wait to meet everyone!

Three Words to Describe You: Devoted, Logical, Competitive

Hobbies and Passions: Drawing, Reading, Writing, and Singing on Occasion

What You're Most Proud Of: The number of places I've been to and seen so far in my life

Why You'll Win: Because I have what it takes ;)

BRANDI | SHE/HER | 26 | TEXAS | SOCIAL WORKER

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hi everyone!!!! SO HAPPY TO BE BACK! I played survivor with the stings last year and loved it (even though I lost bc of rocks 😒) right before the merge. I live in Texas, I’m a social worker, and I love to crochet and read. Can’t wait to get to get down to business 💪🏼

Three Words to Describe You: Loyal, easy going, chill

Hobbies and Passions: Crocheting, reading, listening to podcasts

What You're Most Proud Of: Finishing college! First person in my family to get a bachelor degree.

Why You'll Win: I am very motivated and excited to play this game!! Winning would be the cherry on top 🍒 if you fail to plan you plan to fail!

CLEFFORD | HE/HIM | 21 | PHILIPPINES | STUDENT

First Season: Raccoon City (June 2022)

Intro: Good day! Clefford is the name of the person that you'll love and adore. I'm 21-year-old Filipino that watches a lot of films, tv series, and reality shows. I'm an Aries and ENFJ. Life is short and the world is wide is the motto.

Three Words to Describe You: Nature, Universe, Animals

Hobbies and Passions: Watching films, tv series, and reality shows.

What You're Most Proud Of: Choosing to be always kind.

Why You'll Win: I have what it takes.

ADELINE | THEY/SHE | 22 | NEW HAMPSHIRE | NANNY

First Season: Patagonia (February 2022)

Intro: Helllooooo party people my names Adeline, or Del, i am a ginormous flop in these Skype games. I am more known in the scary terrible land of discord games, where I host EchoORG, and consistently get sniped at F6 in other ORGS! I front a punk band, love film photography, watch a lot of TV (reality and otherwise), and I write singer songwriter music! I'm really excited to give this platform another chance and prove that i can keep up with y'all :'))

Three Words to Describe You: Insane, delusional, fun

Hobbies and Passions: Writing music, taking names, being gay

What You're Most Proud Of: I am an AMAZING nanny, i work with an autistic two year old and we get each other on a level I've never felt, i am SO PROUD OF MYSELF so how much work I've put in to make his development a positive experience for him.

Why You'll Win: I think i have more experience now and hopefully enough determination

HAIRIE | HE/HIM | 28 | SINGAPORE | TECH SUPPORT

First Season: The North Sea (October 2022)

Intro: Hey hey hey, it's your boy from Singapore (yeah the timezone from the not so distant future). A year older from when I last played, don't know if I'll be a year wiser. Hobbies include travelling, water sports, Zombie shows (well mostly love alot of things in general). A Leo for the curious cats out there. I also hope I don't get the birthday curse.

Three Words to Describe You: Adventurous, Easy-going and Eclectic

Hobbies and Passions: Binge watching shows/movies, travelling, diving, Pokemon

What You're Most Proud Of: Being the first in the family to get a diploma

Why You'll Win: I relentlessly pursue my dreams. I can make it to the end and am confident in my ability to advocate for myself at final tribal.

[phantastus]

#man I said it on Fb but I’ll say it again#these are just the best!#so smooth to read#so gud#informative and funny#and relatable!#have puppo man who gets too stressed and his whole digestive falls apart#three years in we are almost at the point where we have a good handle on him#also will look into this podcast#have you listened to Magnus archives or olds gods?#I feel like you would enjoy one or both#these nice pictures#r nice

Aw thank you so much for the kind words, and also I LOVE Magnus Archives and Old Gods! I actually am not properly caught up on either, which is solely because I’m so terrible at actually keeping up with *anything*, but both are big faves (and I may be putting off listening to the rest of TMA because I don’t want it to be over, sobs).  DEFINITELY check out @unwellpodcast it’s so good! It’s also coming up on its ending, and I can’t wait to see how it all wraps up!

(also, I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD A NON-ART BLOG, forgive the very late follow lol!).

stoked that I got my ass into gear for hourly comics day this year!! not as polished as the first time I did it, but polish isn’t really the point anyway lmao.

also, shoutout to @unwellpodcast, if you like audio horror fiction about ghosts, Weird Little Towns and generational trauma, check it out! I introduced my gf to it recently and we’re really enjoying it!

[astranva]

Anything Goes Podcast | Backstage Girlfriend

Backstage Girlfriend!Universe Masterlist

Word Count: 1.4k

Category: Idk, angst-ish & fluff-ish maybe

Warning: Some swear words

Summary: Bsgf!YN sits for Emma Chamberlain’s podcast, Anything Goes, to talk about relationships after her break up with Harry and being with Joe.

.. 

“Ramble,” the podcast began with the robotic voice.

“Hello,” Emma greeted into thousands of people’s devices, “I’m actually not alone for this one,” she said, “I have Y/N Y/L/N here with me.”

“Hiii,” you said, your voice sounding as if you were smiling as you did.

“Dude, I’m literally, like, so excited to have you with me for this one.”

“I’m so excited, too,” you said, “Anything Goes has been like my best friend during so many days so I can’t believe my voice will, like,” you giggled, “Be on it.”

“I’m so flattered, I’m so flattered,” Emma said with a grin, “You know it actually means so much to me that you actually were, like, open to talk about that topic today, which is relationships, because,” she paused, “I know you’re like a very private person and things have been, like,” she paused again to find the right word, “Very hectic and just, too much for you.”

“I think I got a pretty good experience that I learned a lot from,” you said, “Like, so much was gained in the past, I don’t know, 4 years in my life–or like, it’s nearing 4. I wish I had someone stop me back then and just tell me, like,” you paused, “Don’t do that, don’t do this, avoid that, avoid this, and like, stop putting so much energy where it’s not appreciated. I wish I had someone tell me that so coming on here, talking with you, I don’t know I just feel like some sort of a big sister, maybe?” You chuckled.

“Awww,” Emma cooed, “I get that, I seriously do. Okay so, just to get it out of the way, you’re in a relationship right now, right?”

“Yes,” you replied, “I am.”

“How’s it going?” 

“Pretty well actually,” you giggled, “Yeah, I’m–I’m grateful for him and everything he’s done and still does. It’s–I think I can actually say I’m in a healthy relationship, you know?”

“That’s a huge thing to say, I’m so fucking happy for you!” Emma exclaimed, making you sheepishly giggle, “How do you come to the conclusion that, like,” she paused, “Like you pause and you reflect and think ‘hey, I’m actually in a healthy relationship right now’? Like what made you know that?”

“Alright so, my last relationship was–I don’t know how to describe it,” you chuckled, “But it just affected me so badly, you know? Like, he was a great person–an amazing friend, amazing son, stuff like that, but like, right in the middle, stuff happened and things just sort of,” you paused, “Got blurry. It’s always bound to happen when you’re with someone who’s creative and into, you know, the business. But I was getting hurt in the middle,” you said, “Like, now I go to bed, fully knowing that the person I’m with actually loves me and wants to be with me, and is just–Like, he’s not afraid of showing it, he’s not afraid to stand up for me if shit goes wrong–You know, stuff like that. They’re all things I wish I felt back then, you know?”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed, “God, feeling secure in a relationship.”

“Exactly,” you confirmed, “And I’m not saying that my ex was a monster or anything, love was definitely there. Like, I seriously don’t even feel like I hate him or want the worse for him or anything like I honestly thought I would, because I know he’s an amazing person.”

“So where did it all go wrong? Or like, when did you decide that you just couldn’t and there was like, no more fighting to do?”

You took a breath, organizing your thoughts and words before talking, “I think I just realized my actual worth, you know?” You chuckled, “And look, I know it sounds like cheesy shit people say on Instagram but–something happened and it just made me realize that I was avoiding so many bottled up feelings because I was putting that person’s comfort and, like, his happiness and success before mine. Like, way before mine. And it reached the point where all these things they’re going to get on the expense of my wellbeing,” you enunciated, “So like, something happened and I just–” you snapped your fingers, “Got a wake up call or something and was like, I can’t actually do this anymore.”

“Did he try to fix it or was it, like, beyond repair?”

“It was about priorities, you know? And like, principles that I thought neither of us would ever cross but then it just wasn’t the case anymore. So I felt like I was two steps away from falling into some kind of, like, an abyss or something and suddenly it was all just scary. Like, I think I’m actually losing myself in this relationship. I don’t feel secure, I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel appreciated, I just–It was very draining and always so worrying,” you said, “Like to the point where it affected my sleep, my–my diet, my relationship with people because I wasn’t comfortable, you know?”

“Look, I don’t mean to be offensive,” Emma said, “But I’m so fucking happy you’re out of that. Because–Because, I know you, right? We’ve known each other for like 2 years and I actually got to see your progress after the breakup. It was like, you were going through moon phases, am I making sense?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, I remember you were sad as fuck after it for a long while, and then you went through that phase where you just, avoid confronting or just, reflecting on the past years of your life, and then I saw you when you got into a relationship after taking so much time for yourself and to, like, you know, give it time so it doesn’t get fucked,” Emma said, “To right now, both of us sitting on my bed. Like, I’ve actually seen it.”

“You have,” you smiled, “Honestly, I think everyone around me saw it and at some times, I was just so sure that they gossiped about it, like collectively.”

“Dude, I made new friends from yours just because we were talking about your last relationship,” she said, “I seriously had a group chat with three other friends, mutual friends, and we’d update each other on your status,” Emma chuckled, “Like, hey guys, Y/N went out of the house tonight. Hey guys, Y/N posted a story on Instagram.”

“Awww,” you cooed, “That’s so cute, I’ll actually cry.”

“For real!” She exclaimed, “I think it’s because we knew how in love you were with your ex,” she said, “Like we knew it was serious from your side, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“So, now what? Has it affected your current relationship?”

“Well, I mean of course I was like, really nervous at first,” you chuckled, “I just didn’t want to go through something like that again, like been there, done that. But my boyfriend was–and he literally still is, just, so patient.”

“He knows the deets?”

“He knows the deets,” you confirmed, “I think that’s one of the most important steps to take after a breakup and like, getting into a new relationship. It was just so important to me to be 100% honest and transparent with my boyfriend when we were, like, actually getting into a relationship or you know, when something was just going on.”

“And how did he take it? Because sometimes, some people can be like,” she paused, “That’s too much work, I don’t want to be with somebody who’s like–who had a bad experience that actually affected them.”

“No, no, none of that,” you said, “I consider myself like, really lucky. Because he was so fucking understanding, so patient, you know? There was no rush, it all just, you know, flowed so naturally. And I think that–him being like that, and giving me my space to, you know, get out there and sometimes to just lock myself in for when it got too much–these were stuff that made me feel comfortable enough in like,” you snapped your fingers, “No time. Like it all just made sense, you know?”

“Y/N, I literally feel like crying right now.”

“Noooo,” you dragged with a giggle before a sound of shuffling was heard.

“If you guys can hear movement, it’s because Y/N is hugging me right now,” Emma said.

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[spikes-jonze]

Okay this is all great so I’ll also have to put this under a read more so I can address everything!

Like you, my ranking changes all the time and I’ll have weeks where I will just listen to one song/one album on repeat, but currently I would say my ranking goes: 1.  Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action 2. Always Ascending 3. You Could Have It So Much Better 4. Tonight 5. Franz Ferdinand 

I would probably rank the same as you if I was looking at it through critically but it would pain me very much so lmao because I genuinely love every single album of theirs (I also really want a new album because I want to be able to hear all of those unreleased songs they played while touring last month without having to find videos online lol)

I also don’t rank FFS because they all consider it a separate thing so I’ll abide by that but usually it always ends up in the middle for me because it’s the first album I heard of theirs where they played a major part (long story short, I got into Sparks first after watching their documentary two years ago, really liked the FFS stuff and slowly got into Franz as they were releasing Billy Goodbye/Curious and the rest is history)

You know, Always Ascending is one that I had already liked a few songs off before I saw them play in New York last year but I didn’t really give it a fair chance until after the concert. I kind of get why some people wouldn’t have vibed with it if they were into the early stuff but I also think it’s a testament of how good they really are that even with making as many changes as they did with the line-up and the sound, it still feels like as much Franz Ferdinand as Self-Titled does. Not to mention that I can’t help root for the underdog lol. 

I always think the conversation on why people flock to certain albums is so interesting because like you mentioned, some people like the rock sound, some people like the experimentation, and some people like a mix of both. It’s funny because I’ve never liked a band where I genuinely like 90% of their music, but even the songs that had to grow on me (Huck & Jim and Treason! Animals being two of the best examples) are still fantastic. I do think I have a soft spot of RTRWRA because it was the first album of theirs I found at a record store after getting into them.

Alex’s collab with Pip Blom really is SO good, like I was obsessed from the first listen and I even made my best friends stream it to help boost it lol. It really just reaffirms the fact that I trust him when it comes to music because he really hasn’t let me astray. Last year, he had this six week residency on Absolute Radio in the UK where he would play music and interview different musicians (the interviews still exist on most podcast platforms iirc) and I still listen to some of the songs he played! 

This has gotten long but I loved reading your thoughts and it really is so nice to hear other people’s thoughts on the band and the music, please feel free to send me any more thoughts you have whenever you want!

Re: your previous post, I just have to ask what your FF album rankings are thus far! Also I’m loving that someone else is talking about the band at length, it’s been too quiet in the fandom on here haha

Okay this is such a big question I actually switched from mobile to desktop to answer this so be prepared for a novel here lol. But first of all yea I am so surprised the fandom is so quiet on here? I can almost always depend on Tumblr to have a little group of weirdos blogging about a vague special interest I develop so this is a little jarring! Especially considering I can see the fandom was once big enough that there was fanfiction written for it! Makes me a little sad that I seem to have missed it's heyday, but I'm glad there's still a few people kicking around haha.

(putting this under a read more because it got long wow wtf)

ANYWAY though onto the ranking! Now this list changes rapidly from week to week and sometimes day to day, but here is my current list descending (no pun intended):

Always Ascending

Franz Ferdinand

Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Actions

Tonight

You Could Have It So Much Better

*I adore Sparks and FFS, but since it's a dual release I'm excluding it from the list. However, if I included it I would probably put it between Right Thoughts and Tonight*

I feel like it's controversial to put Always Ascending above, well literally everything, and it's also funny because I use to consider this to be their WORST album, but it has grown on me so so much. I really appreciate that they were trying to do something new and experimental with their music and also I presume make an ode to one of their huge influences (Talking Heads). And throughout it all they continue to stick to (and in this case exceed imo) their thesis of "make girls dance". It's just so fun, y'know? So dance-able! The instrumentation is also EXCEPTIONAL on this album. The guitar licks in "Lazy Boy" are some of my favorite of any recent songs and the sparkly synth beats in Lois Lane are GORGEOUS. It honestly reminds me a lot of what they were trying to do on Tonight, where they stripped back their sound a bit. The focus is more on the drums, the beat, and the bass than the kind of punchy guitar attitude we heard on Franz Ferdinand and YCHISMB, but Ascending just takes it one (or two) steps further.

Now, the above is my list of favorites which is different from what I would consider to be objectively better music. If I was ranking this critically/professionally it would probably be this:

Tonight

Franz Ferdinand

You Could Have It So Much Better

Always Ascending

Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action

The thing about both of these lists though is that, for me, there is no bad album on this list. They are literally all cover to cover listens with iconic bangers on every. single. one. What is considered my favorite could change with my mood or how nostalgic I'm feeling that day. My personal theory on these albums though is that people's preferences are going to sway with what they like FF for. If you like them for the punchiness of their first two albums (that was such a hallmark of the post-punk revival) you probably won't like Right Thoughts and you'll probably actively dislike Always Ascending. If you like them when they're doing weird stuff you'll probably like Right Thoughts and Always Ascending much more. Tonight I think is a really good mix of both which is why it's a lot of people's favorites and a good starting point for any new fan if they only know Take Me Out and or/stuff from their debut album.

Btw it's really funny that as I saw this ask and was thinking about it, The Hard Times came out with an article of "All Franz Ferdinand Albums Ranked Worst to Best" that is almost identical to my second ranking but also pretty cruel to AA and RTRWRA :(. They also gave an honorable mention to FFS but said Call Girl was a skippable track (blasphemy). But yea, I just thought that was pretty amusing timing lol.

I really cannot wait until they release a new album because Curious and Billy Goodbye are such absolute bangers (catch me dancing in my kitchen to Curious at least once a week) and if those singles are anything to go on, the next album is going to be AMAZING.

I would also like to give a shoutout to Alex's collab he did with Pip Blom called "Is This Love?" because it's quickly working it's way up my spotify rankings of top tracks since I cannot stop listening to it on repeat, it's just SO GOOD.

Okay I'm so sorry this turned into a thesis about Franz Ferdinand, but I have had a lot of pent up obsession about this and you just gave me a world class excuse to info dump lol. I would be really interested to see your ranking as well and see how we compare! Thank you so much for the ask btw it means a lot! :)

[mongeese]

Music in Wolf 359

Hey so uhh I meant this to be a relatively short informal analysis post but then it accidentally turned in a 1150 word essay. Whoops! Anyway, it’s about the role music plays in Wolf 359, both on a practical level outside the story and a narrative/thematic level inside the story. I wrote this all in one go with minimal proofreading, so I sincerely hope it’s understandable and that my points are good. As always, feedback is welcome so long as you’re nice about it!

Here it is, under the read more because it’s long as hell:

One of my favorite things about Wolf 359 is the way it talks about and uses music. Like, the fact that the aliens are trying to contact humanity just because they want to learn how to make music is one of my all-time favorite reveals in the podcast because it’s just so profound! And it gives me a lot to try and unpack (which I am going to try and do right now).

Obviously, there is a practical element to the significance of music in the narrative. It is an audio-only medium, after all, and music provides a welcome break to all the dialogue and drama. Eiffel even references its ability to act as a way to ease the tension in Mission Mishaps: A Little Night Music, though that was almost definitely not an intentional wink to a more meta reason for the music. I’m just making a fun little reference to an episode I remember. Anyways, more to the point: music is really the only art form that can feasibly be introduced in a podcast. Theater is maybe an exception? However, I think putting a play into an audio drama would get a bit complicated on a storytelling level. Though if someone could pull that off, it’d probably be very cool, like some Hamlet vibes. But that’s irrelevant, so I digress. The point is, the medium was probably a strong motivator for the intense significance given to music.

Aside from the medium itself, the premise also lends itself to music being the connecting thread throughout the story. Now, I don’t know which idea came first: Doug Eiffel being the communications officer probing deep space, or the fact that the aliens want humans to teach them music. Regardless, those two facts are intrinsically linked. Given Eiffel’s role on the station, there is not really any other subtle way for the aliens to try and get his attention. All he can do is listen; he can’t receive any visible messages over the vacuum of space, not without a cable television to view them on, and if the aliens just spoke to him to slow burn of the plot and the eventual reveal would be ruined. Music is the best way for them to reach out in a way that fits neatly in the narrative they’re trying to build.

Now, let’s move away from external factors, shall we? I want to dive into the significance within the text. Obviously, music is significant to different characters in different ways. Minkowski is a total musical theater nut (the absolute queen), to the point of pursuing it over and over again even when she fails continually. Her devotion to music mirrors her devotion and stubbornness in all other aspects of her life, in addition to adding unexpected depth and nuance to her character. Regarding Eiffel, I think it’s safe to assume that he loves pop music the same way he loves pop culture. Plus, it’s given as one of the first and only ways he bonds with his daughter, as written in the episode Limbo:

“Doug was seeing little baby Anne pretty much every other day, talking to her every day, teaching her to play the Jaws theme on her little dinky kid xylophone, all the good stuff.”

It’s notable also, that Doug’s worst action, the thing that permanently put a wedge between him and his daughter, ended up making her go deaf. Even if she’s still able to appreciate music on some level, because deaf people can do that, it will still be a fundamentally different experience for her and Doug. I’ve posted about this once before, and I fully believe they made the decision to have Anne go deaf as opposed to some other disability because of the significance of audio and speaking and music to Doug’s life. It emphasizes how extreme what happened was, how thoroughly that mistake drove his family away from him (for good reason, I might add, I’m not trying to excuse him). I could write a whole other essay on Doug and his daughter though, so for now I’ll move on.

To be perfectly honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve listened to the podcast, and I don’t entirely remember what the rest of the characters say about what music means to them. If anyone who has a more encyclopedic knowledge of the characters and podcast wants to chime in here, I’d be fascinated to hear what sort of concrete examples there are of music being significant other than the ones I’ve mentioned. I’m pretty sure Hera is interested in music the same way she is interested in books and other forms of human art, and I have a vague memory of Lovelace mentioning a song that was important to her in one of the episodes, but the details escape me. Suffice it to say, the characters do interact with music in ways that are distinct and which reveal aspects of their character. Just goes to show that even without the whole “alien” thing, music is an important part of almost all of the major cast members’ lives.

And of course, I can’t write a Wolf 359 meta without linking it back to the anticapitalist theme of the whole story. It is so, so profound that out of all the amazing tech of Goddard Futuristics, all they are prepared to offer the immensely powerful extraterrestrial group, the one thing the aliens want is… music. Classical music, even, something that is widely considered unprofitable and frivolous as a career path, something that has little market value in a soulless capitalist world. As it turns out, that music is the most important and revolutionary thing humanity has to offer. And there’s added depth, because it’s not just that the aliens want to learn our music; our music quite literally saves Earth as a whole! Bob the alien says, that for species they decide not to bring into the fold of their alliance, they often have to destroy all members of that species. Humanity certainly would have met that fate, if not for our talent in music. I don’t know about you guys, but that drives me insane!! The fact that quite literally, humanity’s saving grace is our music? It’s such a poetic and remarkable theme to have, and one that I think is very applicable to real life. Humans have been making music for at least 40,000 years, probably more. It’s a fundamental urge, I think, to create music, whether through singing, drumming, playing instruments, whatever. Plus human’s aren’t even the only species that makes music, so you could reasonably extend Wolf 359’s statement to say that Earth’s saving grace and its most beautiful feature is its music. My favorite flavor, though, comes when you intertwine music’s importance with the anticapitalist ideas of the podcast. Because music is not inherently profitable or conventionally innovative (i.e. not innovative according to tech bros) and yet it is our most important invention. That is just such an amazing message to me, and it really, really resonates.