#I can hear y’all saying ‘you big slut’ rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnii-143 · 7 months ago

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Seungmin

(7/8)

MDNI 💖

Mafia bosses have it hard. So busy, and stressful. Kim Seungmin. The love of your life. You love him dearly. And he loves you…you think. He’s so intimidating and hot. You can’t choose what to think. “Excuse me, pup? Hello?” He says slightly irritated snapping in front of your face drawing you back “sorry, what?” You mumble. You’re sitting on the edge of the big desk, in arms reach of him. “As I was saying…” you tune him out quickly. You’re never sure why he dragged you to this meeting. Don’t get me wrong. You’ve missed him…you’ve even been teasing him all day. Wearing the tightest little pink dress you own. Not long later everyone leaves and it’s just you and Seungmin. He quickly grips your hips and throws you into his lap, shooting you a tense and intimidating glare, “what the fuck are you doing!?” In a low growl which just goes into your aching core. “Doing what?” You ask softly and he’s grabs a handful of your hair causing a whimper from you and pulls you close to his face with a smirk across his face. “Don’t. Even.” He chuckles and pulls you into a kiss. Working fast and Wasting no time, stripping you of your clothes, and bending you over the desk. Using his tie to tie your arms behind you. Then flipping you over, Gripping your throat and he peers down at you. “Fucking slut, so wet for no reason.” He growls and you can feel him hover over your entrance. You expect him to thrust into you, as normal. But you feel and cold metal stretch you out, a loud moan to escape your lips. And you glance down to see the tip of his gun inside of you… you try to say something, anything! but then he moves it deeper and deeper inside of you. “Gon’ cum like this for me? Huh slut?” He growls out as he thrusts the gun in and out of you, with his free hand he rubs figure sights on your clit, which sends you toppling over the edge and the knot in your lower stomach snaps. Forcing the most breathless, pornographic moan out of you. You lean back on the desk to catch your breath, then slowly prob yourself up to see your boyfriend licking your release off the gun. Fuck…he’s so hot… you try to reach out to him but get a brutal reminder that your arms tied behind your back, you groan. How can you palm his rock hard dick with no hands?! You softly giggle, and press your knee softly on his bulge. He groans loudly and glares at you, the roughly flip you over and you can hear his pants fall to the floor, wasting no time to trust all of him into you. He’s not exactly girthy. But long and slender. He starts to move at a quick pace. “Is this what you wanted?” “Fucking slut” spitting his normal array of dirty words at you… “answer me!” He yells out and lands a hard slap on your right cheek, he’s never done that. But my fuck. You moan loudly, and he laughs dryly at you “fucking sicko-“ he slaps you again. He finally hits that perfect spot your walls clenches around him. “C-close…!” You moan out, and he hits that spot repeatedly as your eyes roll back, your orgasm hitting you like a semi-truck and your vision goes white. His follows not long after and he collapses on you. He speaks in a whisper “good girl…”

Suddenly Jeongin’s voice booms in the hallway…

“Seungmin, what the fuck are you doing in there?!”

A/N I’m back! Guess who’s a little stupid! I’m so sorry for kind vanishing. It’s theatre season, and my dumbass when long boarding in BOOTY SHORTS. And the got sick ☺️. Anywho. Hopes y’all liked it. Working on a daddy 2chan fic rn. She’s eating. Love y’all. Remember to rest, eat and drink water! Love you always and forever, byeeeee💕💕💕

#stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids x you #skz scenarios #skz smut #stray kids x y/n #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids x reader smut #stray kids smut #seungmin #skz #seungmin smut #seungmin stray kids #seungmin x you #seungmin x reader #seungmin skz

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bittersweetmorality · 4 years ago

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— chuuya boyfriend headcannons (sfw & nsfw)+ drabble

☾ genre: SFW and NSFW Headcannons (NSFW section is marked-- 18+)

☾ pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x GN!reader (reader is given the name ‘mommy’ in the drabble)

☾ warnings: none for the SFW– general smut for the NSFW ??

☾ w/c: 1,978 words

☾ a/n: hey lol :D as a certified chuuya fucker, i just had to. i literally have like three other chuuya drafts that i’m currently working on. hopefully they turn out like i want and i can post them bc :| the chuuya tag is starving. anyway i hope i can populate it just a tad. thanks for reading bugs !

— SFW

lemme start off by saying that he will treat yo ass RIGHT. ON MY MOMMA.

not to bring his trauma into this already but :| my man has major abandonment issues. he will not do anything to jeopardize your relationship, and he honestly just values your happiness above anything else

you just know how much he cares about the fellow members of the mafia– even though they don’t requite the same amount of love that he gives them, he still loves them wholeheartedly

even dazai

little shit

his love language is definitely touch and gift-giving. no i don’t accept criticism because i’m right

you’re telling me he wouldn’t absolutely spoil you with expensive gifts ?? mans is a mafia executive– he’s making hella bank, and he is spending it all on you

he’s also definitely a pretty clingy significant other, but good luck trying to get him to admit that :|

his life is… well… yaknow

there’s always a lot going on there..... he’s stresst

he wants nothing more than to just hold you in his arms after a long day-- especially if he just came back from a hard day at work

times like this are when he’s most clingy-- he feels like he almost lost you, and now he never wants to let you go

many, many times he’s fallen asleep like this; you’re basically suffocating in his grip as his eyelids flutter closed, either on the couch or your bed

but of course you’re not going to complain

and he’s so glad you don’t

he’s also the type to almost never explicitly say that he loves you at first, it’s simply not something that comes naturally to him

instead he indulges in his love languages profusely, and he just hopes you get the message

he’s also afraid that you’ll leave him if he says something like that, so for a long time he doesn’t :(

so when you come home to a bottle of expensive wine wrapped in an exquisite red ribbon, you know he just wants to tell you how much he loves you

eventually, of course he’s comfortable with you enough to say it, and it comes completely natural

and since he’s such a romantic, he says it every morning when you wake up, and before you go to bed without fail

he’s definitely the type to show you off too

like, as he’s having a conversation with someone, he’ll suddenly get really loud when talking about you so everyone within a three-mile radius can hear

“well, you see i would go out drinking with you tonight, but i actually have a date. with my partner. you know them, right? here’s a picture i took of them a few days ago, just look a-”

also: biggest hype man

you could open a jar of jam and he’d be like “holy shit, you go babe”

nakahara chuuya kiss me rn challenge

anyway, basically he’ll love and support you no matter what

like truly you’re like a walking ray of sunshine to him

anyway !!!! DATES !!!!!!!

dates with chuuya are planned. always.

like i SAID he’s a hopeless ROMANTIC MY GOD

he absolutely loves picking you up at your doorstep and taking you for a ride around town on his motorcycle

speaking of which, your arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing him tight as he drives the bike is literally his favorite thing in the world. oh my god you’re going to make him melt

and i know for a fact your first kiss with him was after he dropped you off at your door when your first date was at its end

it was almost completely perfect honestly, except when your faces were just mere inches from one another, his hat bumped into your forehead and fell to the ground

baby was so embarrassed-- he went bright red and picked up his hat, basically shielding his face

he just wanted the date to be completely perfect– and it was!! until that happened

but obviously you just let out a light giggle and pulled him against you, and he quickly closed the gap between your lips

also, chuuya sleeps in

he sleeps a lot <33

that being said he loves lazy mornings

it’s well past 11, but you’re still laying in his arms– who is he to get up?? and disturb the peace??????

he will not.

also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t even emphasize this enough, but please comb your fingers through his hair

there’s a chance he might melt into a puddle on the spot and never recover but still

on the rare occasion where he’s the little spoon--

(which, speaking of which, @dazai-centric has a headcannon that chuuya always insists on being the big spoon no matter what, but on rare occasions he lets himself be wrapped up in your arms and THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.)

anyway, so on this rare occasion

where his head is basically buried in the junction between your shoulder and your neck, and you just rake your fingers through his hair softly

he dead. dead as hell.

and ERRRRM. kisses with him are just……… wow…………

naturally, he always wants to be the best at everything-- it’s just his personality

and kisses are no exception

he has to be the BEST

and he is

so, kisses are always so passionate and rough

okay hold on maybe this should go under the NSFW category 😐

ANYWAY!!!! 19472946/10 boyfriend

— NSFW

so rough sex is very common for y’all 😁

he likes to take his frustrations out from the day like this, and honestly you don’t complain

he definitely has a high sex drive so 😁

obviously you have an established safe-word and talk about everything before anything transpires because the LAST thing he wants is to hurt you in any way

but if you ask him to spank you he is definitely not gunna say no <3 chuuya said spanking kink

speaking of kinks

bondage xoxo

this goes both ways— he likes to tie your wrists to the headboard with rope and tie your legs down if you’re okay with it

for him, he likes his wrists cuffed to the bed

but he definitely doesn’t like all of his power stripped away by having him completely tied up

also he loves eye contact

that’s why missionary and mating press are his favorite positions <3

he likes to grab you by the jaw and make you look at him when he’s fucking you

“hey, hey, princess what did we say? if you want to cum, look me in the eyes when i fuck you, yeah?”

he loves praise and degradation equally

but if you’re degrading him don’t go too far :((

degrade slightly him while he’s on the bottom and he’s putty in your hands

now, if you praise him while he’s on top, get ready to not be able to walk for the next 3-5 business days because that’ll feed his ego a LOOOT

and he’ll just get lost in the moment because he loves you....... so much

he degrades you slightly, but only during foreplay

he calls you his little slut, or his whore

“aw, so wet for me and we’re barely getting started, doll. such a little whore, aren’t you?”

when you actually get into it, it’s all praise from him

he wants you to know how important you are to him, how good you feel and just everything on his mind

he loses his filter in the moment awn god

“so fucking perfect, i only want you. you’re mine. god, you feel so fucking good.”

he loves to hear you too-- it really feeds his ego

but sometimes if he’s really had a rough day, he’ll make you gag on his finger or wrap his hand around your neck

he doesn’t squeeze too hard nor genuinely make you gag, he just likes the way your eyes are barely able to meet his because he’s making you feel so good

but ANYWAY pet names are a MUST with him

he calls you doll, sweetheart, princess, baby, dove, doll

basically every sweet name under the sun during sex

he likes you to call him sir 😁

this man has no shame when it comes to noise

like absolutely none

since he’s possessive, he wants people to know he’s fucking you, and how good he feels because of you

no one else can make him feel that way and he wants everyone to know

so he’s LOOOUUUDD,,,, especially in your ear

he likes leaning down and moaning in your ear, just to get a reaction out of you

he makes fun of you for it later on, and you have his full permission to smack that smug little smirk off his face

but the amount of times you had to stop mid-way because y’all got knocks on your door from your neighbours 😐 they’re so sick of y’all

on average, you have sex at least 4 times a week

that’s not including quickies tho

did i mention that chuuya loves quickies <3

especially when it’s in his office and he fucks you on his desk

and because he doesn’t care who hears him-- you bet your ass the entire Port Mafia has heard you

he likes to go down on you for quickies more than actual sex, and he will respectfully never decline a blowjob

because he’s a gentleman

anyway

sorry to any of y’all who have a breeding kink,,, but chuuya definitely does not

he’s so afraid of having kids

moving on

onto sub!chuuya

did somebody say SWITCH 🤨☝️

chuuya did <3

now for a long time he doesn’t really let his submissive side out because,,, it’s a really vulnerable part of him yaknow?

but after a while, and after he’s completely trusted you to take care of him like that

oh boy

bottom bitch <3

still loud as HELL

except it’s less of moaning and more of whining

he’s such a whiner

and a brat

mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mo

also i don’t really know how else to describe it but-- if you force him to look you in the eyes and use a stern tone

..........dead. dead as hell.

now take this drabble as a tribute to sub!chuuya

“and why should i listen to you? what are you gunna do?” chuuya furrowed his brows at you, as if he was challenging you.

“aw, baby,” you leaned down from your position of straddling him, caging his head between your arms. “you still have so much to say even though your hands are handcuffed to the bed. so bold, aren’t you?” you stroked his lower lip gently, and he whimpered lowly in response.

suddenly, you sat up, getting into a position to prepare to get up off of him completely, “but, you’re right. what am i going to do? i guess i’ll just leave you here for the rest of the night. go-”

“WAIT!! NO- I-” he bit his lip to stop any more words from escaping him.

“’wait’? is there something you wanna say, baby?” your legs trapped his once again.

“... please.”

he averted your gaze, and you reached down to grip his jaw sternly, moving his head to face you completely.

“please what?”

no answer.

“you know i can’t read your mind, baby. you’re going to have to use your w-”

“please fuck me.” the words tumbled out of his mouth, almost too quickly to even be audible, still, your lips shifted into a gentle smile.

but you weren’t completely content with him yet.

“and what’s my name?”

“...mommy.”

“and you want mommy to fuck you, is that right?”

“...yes. please...”

you planted a passionate kiss onto his lips, and upon breaking it, you shifted closer to his ear.

“well, i can’t say no since you asked so nicely, now can i?”

masterlist

#chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #chuuya x you #chuuya scenarios #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd smut #chuuya imagines #chuuya fluff

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stonerbughead · 4 years ago

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Maria watches friday night lights (#28)

5x05 here we go!

click below for all my nonsense:

“It’s the path to salvation, gentlemen.” Lol love me an Eric Taylor-ism!

Eric is...grilling meat in his office..???... while talking to Vince about his parents and TMU tryna recruit illegally?! What is the south 🤷🏻‍♀️

Holy shit, they have to play a team 250 miles away? Wild. We love an away game episode. Omg Buddy Jr.’s style....such a douchey time sartorially.

“Play Taylor Ball wooooo!” OMFG this dude is WILD, I know he’s been a coach for awhile but damn.

Ooooh Jess and Vince flirting before they get on the bus!!! Cuties.

Awww Tami keeps trying to call Julie, so sad. My heart! she just misses her daughter.

Awww is Tami making a friend? Girls’ weekend! Yes she deserves it

Lol the freestyling on the bus, amazing (with an extra lol @ Eric trying time sleep while they’re rhyming)

Omg and now of course the bus is pulled over on the side of the road! Classic!

“Triple A is for women. We’re men we don’t ask for directions and we fix our own cars.” EW BILLY toxic masculinity express

I know Jess asked for this job but like ew ten dudes peeing on the side of the road and you’re the only vagina owner around for miles? Help!

Ew Julie this romance is an awful decision, and why is this fully grown man flirting with her at a poetry reading and trying to get her to leave to get...fry bread with him? Ew.

Oh wow they’re literally going to Kingdom, Texas. Welcome East Dillon Loins. Lol Eric told the front desk to look into it 😂

Omg Eric is so confused by the hotel’s key cards 😭 I’m dying! this is so funny with the team being typical teenage boys in the background.

Billy as a coach is too much. “Get pissed!!!!!” “Tomorrow night I will be given satisfaction. Is that understood?” “Coach.” “Yeah?” “This is supposed to be a walk through.” “We’re done.” Stop it😂

lol the detail of the one woman with kids fleeing the hotel pool as soon as the thirty teenage boys jump in? so good and accurate.

I feel like this deal with Vince and his dad and Eric isn’t gonna work out...

I hate this TA! “oh I’m so *quirky* with my fry bread place I found by ‘getting lost’.” Yeah Buddy you also stalked a freshman girl to a poetry reading and whisked her away from her studies. Smh!

Oh wow I love how they show that Eric can hear Tinker, Vince, and Luke like right away, standing outside the hotel.

“It’s too damn quiet. I miss my cop cars and crackheads.” Me when I’m out of the city for too long lol

This is a wholesome talk, reminds me of the riggins-saracen field talks before big games.

Omg Tinker took mini bar shit and watched porn? Dying 😂 “My roommate’s in there having a film festival rn so let me tell him to stop.”

Wow these kingdom assholes are talking so much shit!! And the refs aren’t doing anything!!

Did someone just say “go back to Africa?” to them?!?! Jesus Christ mask off huh? Fuck these racists!

Oh gr8, Karl from TMU in Vince’s dad’s ear, I’m sure that’ll end well.

Yesss East Dillon!!! Take it back!

“I’m glad you won your game, but I need you to calm it down.” Knew this front desk guy would show up again.

Aw poor Jess got pussyblocked by the team. Boooo

Ew Julie’s still driving around in the car with this douchebag who’s “showing her how to get lost” and has now said the line “I can’t stay out much longer, I need to work on my thesis” two times??? Get out of here, this dude is a corny creep!

Ew now creepy Derek is talking about him and his wife Alison who “like each other but don’t love each other” or “the other way around.”

But at least julie’s mentioned Matt now...he is not just a guy in Chicago! Ew this is gross.

“Quit getting grease on the cards.” Lol Buddy is too much.

Where did Hastings take them lol

“All the way to State,” Vince and Luke in the trailer. Awww.

Aw, Tami having her girls’ night! “I’ve been drinking.” “I’m with laurel, and we’ve been drinking.” “What are y’all wearing?” “Okay I gotta go now.” LMAOOO

“This man called me his brother and last year he punched me in the face.” Lol Luke and Vince really have come so far.

Drunk Luke is so funny omfggg and damn! Buddy Jr. managed to make out with someone? I’m impressed.

“I would walk through fire for you guys.” “That’s love.” Omg no Hastings looking at the actual bonfire and saying “you would?” Don’t make him prove it!!

“Is one of you Julie Taylor?” OMG IS THIS THE WIFE???

“No no no. You’re not special, you’re not the first.” Damn Alison, you’re yelling “Julie Taylor is a slut” all through the library but also like why are you still married to this guy who preys on 18 year olds? once a cheater always a cheater I am just AH!

Omg what! are they branding Luke?? Ew

“Doesn’t look that fun actually.” Same buddy jr, same!

“Idiots.” Correct response, Jess. Poor girl. Didn’t even get laid and now she has to bandage up these hungover teenage boys.

Gracie is soooo cute

Oh nooooo did Julie just come home bc of the TA thing.....oh no....

“Coach, this is my team, I ride home with my team.” Okay Vince 🥺 my heart

Did they almost leave Buddy Jr. behind while he was leaving the “how about that second coming kingdom” thing on the sign?? Ah round of applause when he boards the bus! They’ve all accepted him now! Nice.

“Coach are we home yet?” “Nope but we’re getting there; slowly but surely we’re getting there.” Beautiful. What a show!

#maria watches friday night lights #mine #friday night lights 5x05

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bellamysgriffin · 8 years ago

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dana watches lucifer (2x11)

yo guys i’m back and i’m vvv happy to be liveblogging again

it feels so weird to be watching without my dad guys he’s driving my sister to oklahoma but usually we watch together

anyway

this clip of chloe saying her speech at the courtroom on the previously on - LIKE I NEED REMINDING

it’s making me emotional and the ep hasn’t even started yet

pls tell me they kiss i want them to so badly

my cat is strangling me with her love rn and i’m.... trying to type

“i hate ketchup” that’s so romantic

ARE YOU KIDDING I HATE MYSELF THEY WERE SO CLOSE

“i’m glad she showed up she kept me from making a big mistake” I’M SUING FOX AND THE WRITERS WHAT THE HELL

trixie is back i missed her

“they’re a wonderfully scrumptious start to your day”

ok now i’m imagining maze and trixie grocery shopping

trixie Knows and ships deckerstar

trixie KNOWS

MAZE I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY FAVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

i missed that whole scene by squealing abt maze lol

maze craves validation bc she wanted chloe to be happy

aw chloe maze tried so hard don’t tell her that

it’s ok chloe i forgive you

CHARLOTTE no

i’m already mad at her

my tv is glitching so y’all better provide some quality gifs

“it’s about chloe” and then instantly he turns into Protective Boyfriend™

ok charlotte ships deckerstar too and she’s back on the good list

she was nvr really off it i have a weakness for lucifer women

“you don’t have to prove anything to me” that was something very nice said very harshly

“not in a fun way”

“not the slut police and i mean you not her” DAMN I LOVE CHLOE

hmmm that was a good plan while it lasted but

“jana! always with the tragic timing”

oh my god is lucifer a murder suspect again

“maybe she’d still be alive” and already he’s feeling guilty jesus i just want him to be h a p p y

also where is ella i want her on my screen right now

“ditch the loser from lux. that’s terrible, she was seeing someone else from lux?

maze is proud of herself dan leave her alone

my cat is back and ready to prevent the typing

danikeen - is that their brotp name?

ppl need to stop yelling at maze right now ok

i like his white suit a lot

her fun is being with her daughter aww

ok lucifer is actively pursuing a relationship and i - i’m emotional

“she’s spoken for” “haha no i’m not”

this guy is a dog and i hate him

ok i need linda and ella and amenadiel to cleanse my soul from that dick

“you two are a lot alike” how DARE YOU

ANOTHER murder??? things are heating up and i like it

“pretty sure you didn’t sleep with this guy” “actually ur wrong” OH MY GOD IT’S CHRISTMAS

“you’ll need a much bigger notepad”

this parade of lovely women with the song hot pants in the background is my aesthetic

“bit of a dry spell these last few months” ik this is a joke .... but that’s probably bc that’s when he met chloe js

dan don’t you dare things are complicated enough

“the best night of my life” in a bunch of different inflections is possibly the best scene in this show to date

also i love how they included a guy

and his explanations to dan omg this is hilarious

chloe is SO JEALOUS

OH MY GOD I’M SCREAMING AND CRYING

NOT OUT LOUD BUT JUST TRUST ME

ok now lucifer is sad so um.... cue character growth?

oh good more charlotte shipping deckerstar i love it

it’s still so weird that chloe thinks charlotte is lucifers ex

“last thing i need is a step-dan” “you say some really weird things man” i love their dynamic

LINDA

OK I’M GOOD BACK TO COMMENTARY

LINDA

SORRY

also linda and maze in the same scene????. christmas confirmed.

“you want me to stab this friend of yours” ok i love how maze is oblivious but also she’s Ready to Fight for linda and i’m just..... wow that’s beautiful

“that’s human” “i’m a demon” “i actually think ur more human than a lot of ppl i know” what kinda romantic bs is this??? i love it

“ur saying i’m awesome” “i’m saying that u need to say ur awesome”

“yes ur awesome” “hell yeah i am” I LOVE MAZE SO MUCH I’M DEAD

“i can describe her aura” it’s me

“i told you someone cared” i’m laughing lucifer is the best

god i missed this show

i’m gonna save this in my drafts before my computer freezes and erases the whole post again

ok i’m back

OFC CHLOE IS ON THE WALL

ok suki is who i would be if i ever met him i would just scream and shut the door oh my god

“gay best friend for now” i’m laughing

suki is hot it’s true

WHERE IS ELLA THOUGH

“do not leave town” “and abandon lucifer?” god me

AMENADIEL IS BACK

oh i forgot he’s being rude to lucifer

i forgot charlotte was still bad oh myg od

i’m a fake fan i’m sry guys

i still love them both though

if ever there was a time for ella to show up it would be now just saying

ok and she’s not there

lucifer is such a doofus i’m laughing so hard chloe is so scared

i just fast forwarded and there’s like three clones of a guy petting a robot dog and i just -

“i wanna build a cat sanctuary” god is this me

“no one wants to hear about your feline meet cute” that’s wrong i would sell my left kidney to hear about his cat

“i’m in” i love maze i just do i just i could watch her eat bread for three hours

“no. because i’m awesome” I LOVE HOW LINDA SUPPORTED MAZE SO MUCH THAT SHE REALLY CHANGED MAZE’S ATTITUDE I LOVE STRONG FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS

“because self worth comes from within bitches” DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

my cat is back and obscuring my vision hang on a sec

ik that as you read this ur not waiting but i just want you to know that i had to wait for my cat to stop knocking my laptop over

her name is sylvester mcmonkey mcbean anyway

can deckerstar kiss already

amenadiel :’)

i kinda just want their pure brotherly love i don’t like the conspiring behind lucifer’s back

my cat and i compromised

ok i dig this jazzy piano music but for a sec i thought it was gonna be heart and soul and i was gonna die that’s my favorite deckerstar scene ever

maze looks so hot w o w

“if we were strangers you’d be hitting on me” maze is so smart dan you can learn from her

i do like him better now

oh my god i’m laughing so hard

“self worth comes from within dan” i love maze so much she’s trying so hard to help

i’m gonna scream

oh my g o d i love her so much i’m laughing

“you and me? not happening” he looks so hurt i am so sad chloe let him IN

MAZE IS SO HOT WHEN SHE’S MURDERING

aw poor jim

OH MY GOD WE’RE ONE EPISODE IN AND ALREADY LUCIFER HAS A GUN TO HIS HEAD CAN’T WE JUST RELAX FOR A SECOND AND LET HIM BE HAPPY GOD

already chloe is shook and scared bc she loves him so much

now lucifer is intrigued hm and so am i

LUCIFER STANDING UP FOR WOMEN IS MY AESTHETIC I LOVE THESE LITTLE MOMENTS

oh now he’s all “hey man we can work something out”

AW LUCIFER THINKS HE’S A GOOD PERSON

i should have seen where that was going

I JUST WANTED LUCIFER TO LOVE HIMSELF THAT’S ALL I WANTED

i guess we’re not there yet

that was badass tho

i was just thinking that we must have missed something about the package

who are these people

OH NO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO CHLOE IN THE TRAILER I’M SCREAMING

were we supposed to recognize those things

lucifer is having an ocean contemplation shot is this the bachelor orr

“really” she says not disappointed at all

HONESTLY I’M BITTER RIGHT NOW I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA KEEP GIVING US SLOW BURN BUT LIKE AW

one step forward two steps back i guess

“you deserve someone worthy of you and that’s not me” I’M CRYING THAT’S NOT TRUE BB

“that’s not what i’m saying” “i know that’s what i’m saying” WHY DOES HE LOVE TO SUFFER WHAT THE HELL I’M SAD

LUCIFER THERE IS NO ONE BETTER THAN YOU

oh my god he’s just listing why he loves her

her middle name is jane?? this is cute

“ur special and i’m.... i’m not worth it” OH GOD YES YOU ARE

OBH MNYUIAHGREJKL;

AKJSDLFPOJIA UW0AOW J

WHAT OAIEKLW;’

IJJAIOWEFJO9

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL

I’M TAKING A PIC AND PUTTING IT ONAERF[

MY WALL I WAS GONNA SAY AND THEN THEY KISSED AGAIN

OWEFIAJKML;

I’M SCREAMING AND HYPERVENTILATING WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS THE MOST ROMANTIC THING I’VE EVER SEEN

IT WAS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PECK AND THEN SHE LEANS IN AGAIN AND CUT TO TRAILER AND I JUST

ASJFDLKj[wuhiol;nkl

it really is christmas guys :’)

i don’t know what to say i love thioajefkls;d’

YES WE JSUT GOT A DECKERSTAR KISS AND THEN WE GOT LIKE FIVE MORE IN THE TRAILER IT’S CHIRAMTMIOAL;’

i love you guys i love this show i’m signing off and watching the bachelor which is never going to be this romantic :’)

#lucifer #lucifer morningstar #deckerstar #chloe decker #mazikeen #mazikeen smith #trixie decker #dan espinoza #linda martin #linzikeen #amenadiel #charlotte richards #dana watches lucifer #dana watches stuff #lucifer lb

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

Text

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years ago