#I can & will argue the last sentence of this post if anyone wants to

[wwilsonbarness]

I messed up.. (part 2)

pairings:  bucky barnes x reader

summary: Bucky tries to apologise for the things he said... do you accept?

warnings: angstttt, some fluff, anxiety?, idkk i think that's all :)

word count: 2535

a/n: I'm so sorry it took so long for part 2. I hated what I first wrote and my week ended up super busy. I'm so scared to post this lmao I hope it doesn't disappoint!

Feedback, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) 

I do not give permission for my work to be copied, reposted or translated on any other platform.

part one

masterlist

Sam insisted you took it easy for the rest of the night, he brought you dinner in bed, checked on you every hour, and brought you everything you could need. You appreciated it but at the same time you just wanted to lay in bed alone and cry. For the first few hours it was out of sadness, seeing Bucky that angry with you made your chest ache, the thought of disappointing him was something you couldn’t handle, but as the hours passed the sadness slowly turned into anger. The more you replayed his words in your mind the angrier you got, how could he imply you didn’t care about your baby? 

Ever since you were a little girl yourself you had wanted to be a mom, it was your dream and Bucky knew that.You had both spent countless nights talking for hours on end about how excited you were to have a baby together, you thought he was excited too but were you and your baby just a burden to him? A problem he had to sort out? Did he even want this?

Hours had passed and you were starting to drift to sleep when you heard voices outside your bedroom door. Part of you wanted to stay in bed and ignore whoever it was but when you heard Bucky’s voice you jump out of bed. 

“I just want to check if she's okay.” You hear Bucky’s voice through the door, slightly louder than he normally speaks, a clear sign he was getting frustrated. You hear a second voice but you can’t figure out who it is until you move closer, it was Sam.

“You… chance..screwed up..” It’s muffled but you can guess what he said. You keep walking closer to the door and go to open it as you hear a third voice. 

“Barnes, you need to leave her be, you’ve done enough tonight.” That was definitely Tony, he was the only one to call Bucky by his last name. 

You weren’t ready to face Bucky yet but you didn’t want to have to listen to them arguing any longer so you opened the door, to be faced with Bucky standing right in front of you, Tony to the side of him and Sam a few doors down outside his room. 

“Can you guys argue somewhere else please?” Bucky’s head flys round at the sound of your voice. He instantly looks you up and down, focusing on your bump for a few seconds longer than anywhere else, which reminds you of how he had looked at you earlier. You bring your hand up to your stomach without realising. 

“Doll, are you okay?” You could see the concern in his eyes this time but you couldn’t get past the anger you were feeling. 

“I’m fine, Bucky. I just want to sleep so can you three go somewhere else if you’re gonna shout at each other.” Bucky’s face started to lighten up in relief for a second but tensed up again as you continued. 

“I’m sorry, can we please talk?” He starts to walk closer to you but you flinch and move backwards into your room. You weren’t scared of him but you couldn’t handle this tonight. Bucky’s face drops as he watches you move away from him. “Doll I just want to-” 

“I don’t have the energy tonight Bucky, please can you just leave me alone.” You look at each other for a few seconds before you plead again, “Please.” Bucky slightly nods his head but you don’t wait for any other type of response before you close your door. 

You lean your head against the door as it shuts, taking a deep breath in as an attempt to keep yourself calm. You hear Bucky and Tony throw a couple more sentences at each other, resulting in Tony asking F.R.I.D.A.Y to lock your door to anyone but him and Sam. You didn’t want to shut Bucky out but the things he said to you really hurt your feelings and if you were to talk to him about it now you would end up saying things you regret. You just wanted and needed time to yourself to calm down. You climb back into bed and go to sleep to try and forget about the whole situation, it takes a few hours but sleep finally washes over you. 

You could only sleep for a few hours before your morning sickness hit. Without Bucky there to help you like every other morning it was a lot harder to deal with. After sitting beside the toilet for a few minutes you manage to run yourself a bath and relax for a bit. You wanted to put off talking with Bucky as long as you could, you knew he’d already be awake as he was every day, probably in the kitchen making breakfast. 

You hear a knock at your door as you're in the bath which brings you out of your thoughts about Bucky, but when you reach the door all that’s there is a tray with waffles, fruit and orange juice on it. You pick it up and place it on your desk to find a note, recognising Bucky’s handwriting straight away you pick it up.

I’m sorry for everything I said and did. I want to make it up to you when you are ready to talk. I know you’ve probably been unwell this morning so I hope this makes you feel better. I put some gummy bears on the waffles since I know you’ve been craving sweet things. I love you and baby so much - Buck x 

You feel your eyes tear up as you read each word, and even though you’re mad at him all you want in this moment is for Bucky to hold you. You quickly get dressed and start to walk towards the kitchen, hoping he’s still there. To your luck he was still hovering around the cooker cleaning up his mess from cooking breakfast.

“Buck?” His head whips around at lightning speed to the sound of your voice. He takes one step towards you before stopping himself, remembering how you reacted last night. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you more.

“Doll, are you okay?” 

“Mhmm, can we talk?” Bucky lets out a huge breath he wasn’t aware he was holding as you speak, he wants nothing more than to talk to you. 

“Of course doll, wanna sit over here?” He points his hand towards the couch in the corner of the room. You nod your head and walk over. When you both sit down it’s quiet for a few minutes, both of you equally scared to break the silence until Bucky speaks. 

“Are you scared of me?” He asks, tone soft as if he’s scared of what the answer might be.

“No, Bucky I’d never be scared of you.” His shoulders start to relax in relief but not for long as you continue. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not mad at you.” 

“I am so so sorry y/n, I promise you I didn’t mean anything I said, I was just scared which I know isn’t an excuse but it’s the truth. My worst fear is losing you, and now with the baby on the way I’m even more scared of losing you both. When I heard Sam telling Tony and Nat that you were seen with a bump it was.. It was like my brain just took over, I kept imagining you being hurt and I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened. I can’t lose you, either of you. If you let me, I promise I will try my best to make things back the way they were.” 

Bucky’s speech took you off guard, you were expecting and hoping to speak first so you could get everything out while you felt able to, you had to try so hard to hold back your tears. You could tell he was sorry and honestly part of you just wanted to say it’s okay, tell him you forgave him, that everything was fine but the other part of you was still focused on his horrible words yesterday, and you knew things would never be okay again unless you told him how he made you feel. “I just need to get this off my chest Bucky, I know you’re sorry but I still need to say this. He nods his head to show he understands you.

You take a deep breath and prepare yourself to speak. “First off, I just want to make it completely clear, that” you bring your hand to your stomach and cup the small bump you have, “I love and care so much for this baby, more than anything or anyone else in the world. So when you said that to me, said that I.. That I didn’t care, it really really hurt me. I know I went against what we agreed, I know I scared you, but that didn’t give you a right to talk to me the way you did.” 

“I kno-” Bucky tries to respond but you don’t let him. Your voice is beginning to shake and there are tears starting to fall from your eyes. Bucky’s heart was breaking at seeing you so upset.. all because of him.

“No, please let me finish. I.. I know you care about me and our baby, I know you do but you went way too far. You were so worried about other people hurting me you didn’t realise that you were the one doing it.” 

You can hear Bucky swallow deeply as he listens, his eyes growing wetter with every word, it was hard for him to hear but he knew everything you were saying was true. He had done the one thing he swore he never would, he hurt you and he wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself for it. “You promised me that you would never hurt me, and I believed you.” Your voice cracks with your last words, and the tears finally escape. “You made me feel like we were burdening you, like we were just a problem to you, something you had to deal with.”

Bucky desperately wants to reach out and comfort you but he stops himself. He keeps his eyes locked with yours and you nod your head a little, a silent way of telling him that it was his turn to talk. He nods back and readies himself, he had a lot he wanted to say but now he’d heard how much he had hurt you, it was like his brain had forgotten everything. 

“You have to know that you both are the most important people in my life, you could never be a burden to me, ever. I'm so sorry I made it feel that way. Y/N I know I hurt you, I want.. I need you to know that when I made that promise I meant it, I’ve never intended to hurt you, and for the rest of my life, as long as you’ll have me I promise, with every single part of me that I will care and love for you and our baby.” You are starting to choke up at what he is saying but try so hard not to let it show. 

“I’m not going to lie to you, I’ll always be scared of something happening to you both and nothing’s gonna ever change that, but I know now that I need to find other ways of working through that. I’ll do anything it takes for you to forgive me. I want to be there for you and our baby forever.” He looks down to your bump, his gaze softens, a slight smile grows, and with a quiet, soft voice he continues. 

“I can’t wait to see you be a mom, you’re gonna be the best there is. I really mean it, our baby is so lucky to have you as a parent.” When he looks up he tries to understand how you’re feeling but your face is pretty much blank, you were in shock. You’d only been in two relationships before Bucky but not once had either of them apologised for something they did, now Bucky was practically begging you to forgive him, you didn’t know how to take it. You just knew you couldn’t lose him.

“Buck.. As much as I hate how you spoke to me, I don’t want to let this argument get between us, I want things to change. I know you are scared and I understand that.. I’m scared too, but we can get through it together. We are strong enough to not let this break us apart, okay?” 

Bucky lets out a huge breath he didn’t even realise he was holding in. “Doll, I want nothing more than for us to be okay.” 

You stand up and put your hand out towards him, “Come on, I got you something.” He hesitantly grabs your hand, and follows you to your room. Just as you reach the door he stops, and drops his hand out of yours. “Bucky.. It’s okay you can come in.” 

“Are you sure?” He asks hesitantly.

“I’m positive.” He smiles slightly at your answer then follows you in.

“I got youu…” You trail your words out as you dig for his gift. “This.” You pass him the teddy, expecting to smile but instead he frowns, rubbing his thumb over each word as he reads it. 

“You don’t like it?” you ask him, taking a seat next to him. 

“I do,” He forces a smile out, “I’m just worried I won’t be a good dad. I’m just scared doll.” He looks up to you again and sees your eyes still glossy, and he feels he has to defend his words. “I am excited, please know I am. I just don’t wanna mess up again.” He reaches out to touch your stomach and you see him hesitating so you put your hand on top of his and gently push it onto your stomach.

“It’s gonna be okay Buck, I trust you.” You lay your head on his shoulder and cuddle into him, “We’re gonna be okay.” 

“I love you both so much.” 

“And we love you too.” Just as you finish speaking your stomach rumbles, which startles Bucky.

“Oh my god. Was that the baby??” 

You had to hold in your laughter as you replied to him, it was way too early for the baby to kick. “No Bucky, I’m just hungry.” He follows your gaze to the tray with the breakfast he made you. 

“Dolll… you didn’t eat?” You shake your head and Bucky stands up and brings it to bed.”Wanna share?” 

“Of course.” He picks up a gummy bear but before he can put it in his mouth you grab it.

“Hey!” He looks at you confused. 

“Sorry,” you say between your giggles, “you aren't getting any of the gummy bears, baby wants all of them.” 

“Oh yeah? Baby wants all of them? Sureee.” You were both laughing now, as you tried to get all the gummy bears before him.

tags: (tagging everyone who was interested, sorry if I miss anyone!)

@missvelvetsstuff @learisa @pattiemac1 @satanstittyss @opheliabarnes @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @kandis-mom @lokislady82 @k4t13l0u1s3 @jbbarnesgirl @nikkivillar @sarahjoestewy-blog @aboobie @queerqueenlynn @shabanggg @topguncultleader @wintrsoldrluvr @invalid-croissant @ada728 @that-girl-named-alex @spoopiloops @mayusenpai666 @paarthurnax59 @cl7ire @hereforfun22-blog @almosttoopizza @trixiekaulitz @aweleyirene @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @mavrellover91 @yeselmolovesyou

[supersoakerfullofblood]

Dialogue Tags and Action Beats, Pacing and Scene Development; a Brief Overview

I've seen a few "dialogue tags to use instead of 'said'" posts now, but most of the tags provided by these posts are trying too hard and are much more distracting than "said" would be. "I'll kill you," he declared; "It's okay," she exonerated; He remarked, "He shouldn't have done that." These are clunky to varying degrees, and if you don't recognize that now, you will with practice.

The truth of the matter is that "said" is pretty much always blank space that the reader will skim over without a second thought. It's maybe the only word we have with this function, and it should be treated as such! So why don't we use dialogue tags that add meaning to the dialogue? Something like "argued," "rejoiced," "remarked"? You can, and these should be used now and then (maybe not "rejoiced"), but overusing them weights down the prose, and in general, they should be replaced by action beats or description.

In much the same way adverbs and adjectives should be avoided if the noun they modify already has the qualities of its modifier, wordy dialogue tags should be avoided if you can show the character's emotions through other means. Dialogue tags are telling; action beats and description are showing. Look at these examples:

He remarked, "I can't believe it's not butter."

His eyebrows rose. "I can't believe it's not butter."

"I told you not to do it," she cried.

Her body shook; words rasped her throat. "I told you not to do it."

"Cried" and "remarked" here aren't bad, but they are weaker than they could be. In the first example, "remarked" indicates tone, but it doesn't do anything else. "His eyebrows rose" indicates tone and also develops the scene. It places the character in the reader's mind's eye, and we understand how that specific character reacts to margarine. How would a different character react differently? This dialogue feels embodied; it belongs to a specific body, a specific host. The second example is embodied too, and a little flowery, though not excessively so. We see how a character reacts to whatever "it" is, and we aren't told how they react. How does she cry in the first sentence?

The debate about dialogue tags, however, misunderstands what tags are actually for. Probably 10% of it is imbuing meaning where there is none (a simple word like "whisper" is a great replacement for "said" when used with restraint), but 90% of it is about tempo/flow/beat/pacing/whatever you want to call it. Read these sentences:

She said, "This is none of your business, and you aren't telling anyone about it."

"This is none of your business," she said, "and you aren't telling anyone about it."

"This is none of your business, and you aren't telling anyone about it," she said.

These sentences convey the same information, but to the careful ear, they carry a world of difference. The first reads snippy, like a terse command; the second gives some added gravity to the second half of the quote, landing hard on the last clause; the third one may be effective if the character is responding immediately to something another character said, since there isn't anything to preface the dialogue, and there's nothing halting it in the middle. All this happens in the two syllables of "she said." Use this word to affect the flow of your writing; use this word to affect how people read your writing. Another sin of other dialogue tags is that they may have too high of a syllable count to warrant use. "He expostulated" is a wild distraction from otherwise smooth prose. "She interrupted" is also clunkier than just having the character interrupt with your choice of dialogue tag/action beat placement or omission. In general, I'd be wary of any dialogue tag longer than two syllables.

Wordy dialogue tags can also be avoided by seeding description in your conversation scenes! Just as the world still operates when we have conversations, so too should it for your characters. Here's an exchange from a story I wrote:

He smiled. “Sleep well?” “Girls were up late.” “Is that a yes—” “No. I didn’t sleep.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “They were screeching.” The crowd caught up with them, swallowed them, and they were carried along the cement. “Oh.” Carmen paused. “Sorry.” “It’s okay.” “Is it all bad?” Bodies shifted in the crowd, and Piper glimpsed Beatrice again. Familiarity warmed her chest. Here was the world outside the camp; here was everything Piper knew. She stood between Beatrice and Carmen and lived again in band class, lived again on the bus home, let public streams flood her roots and grow her as a social monolith, an independent and undisputed landmark in her social circles. But at camp, she was little more than Beatrice’s friend, than Carmen’s apocryphal lover. “It’s not all bad,” she said. “Bea is here. And you.”

Description can easily mold into a character's internal monologue, as it does here. You can also go straight to the monologue if you'd like:

Was she sad, Piper thought, or coy? No, it was the start of a joke. “You didn’t think you were a big deal?” But Beatrice didn’t smile. “I didn’t think people cared that much.” She drew her hands close on the table, covered right with left, and looked into her knuckles. This was defeat, Piper recognized. Beatrice conceded, but of her own will. Piper won, but her score was sour, and Beatrice seemed to crumple her arms into the abject statue of her body. And Piper felt as she never had before, as if a storm of locusts ate at the border of her stomach, as if her skin turned to deep and polluted waters, as if moving one hand or twitching one muscle would irrevocably alter the course of life; the drumming of a finger would set off some idle paranoia in Beatrice, or a sniff of the nose would throw her from the wide window, drop her thirty feet down the wooded hill, and crack herself in two on the base of an implacable oak. This was grief, Piper felt, or something approximating it, something resembling internally a dark and blank horizon, something feeling as a stone feels in a pond whose size may only house that stone, something taking shape in the woman before Piper, shrinking now to a girl, now to someone uninspiring in a world of couplets. Piper sat still, because she did not know how to affect the world without ending it. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Imagine if the second example read:

"You didn't think you were a big deal?" Piper said.

Beatrice frowned. "I didn't think people cared that much."

Piper frowned because Beatrice was sad. "I'm sorry."

Much weaker! Why is the description so long in the second example? Because it's a big emotion! In the world of pacing, big things get big descriptions. In both examples, you feel exactly what the characters are feeling, even though I never used a dialogue tag besides "said." And I used "said" a few times to affect the pacing, which adds to how you perceived the characters. You understood the characters because stronger, more descriptive, more pacing-aware things replaced what could've been clunky tags.

Still, you can do whatever you want with tags, beats, and description. I've read incredible prose with zero tags and sparse beats, prose with paragraphs of beats and plenty of tags, and anything in between. It's all a matter of style, which is to say, experiment! Writers will be stubborn and say things like, "I don't use anything besides 'said' in my prose" or "I'll never use 'said' in my prose again," but neither of those are your personal style. They're declarations that you'll die on this hill you don't fully comprehend, to take a stand on an idea you've never genuinely played with. Go full maximalist; go full minimalist; find what feels right for the pacing you want to incorporate into your style, and recognize how pacing changes depending on the context and content of a scene. Nearly every word is permissible somewhere, it's just a matter of finding the right scene for it. And "said" is permissible always.

[unluckilyimnot]

do you know who much am i in love with tsundere man ???

i wanna kiss raichi's face sooo bad, with lipstick on, all over his face, until he tripped over his words and is all blushyy

don't forget cuddles and sitting on his lap like AAAAA

i love your loki and sae's making out writings btw 🫶 can u do the same thing but with raichi but in this version?

making out - raichi, isagi

mlist || rules || requests are open :)

note : thank you sm for your request, both of you ! they're so cute, as you should queen (in a neutral way) i love them a loooot too. i post this Isagi one at the same time bc i did them with a similar vibe

I've been busy these day im sorry ! And I have a busy weekend as well with my gf so I'll do as much as I can today and post it later !

Raichi acts tough but deep down he knows he can’t fool anyone when you order him around.  You two invited some of your friends over tonight to have a nice dinner together and you kept calling his name to get things done. He tried to boss around a little at the beginning, saying he was talking with the tip of his ears red but you just had to whine a little please for him to be by your side in a second. He's the grumpy type, but still ready to help whenever he's asked  to. 

He spent the whole night eyeing you from head to toes. His hand lingering on your thigh below the table and your seemingly innocent gaze let him know you get where he wanna go. He's a little impatient but that's nothing you can't handle.

When you finally say goodbye to your last friends, you stretch your back as soon as the door is closed. 'What a night' you thought, excepting Raichi around you but he was nowhere to be seen. Taking a few steps to the kitchen to find him cleaning up a little. Leaning against the door frame, you stared at him until he noticed you.

"You're less clingy suddenly." You spoke as soon as his eyes lay on you, a cute smile on your lips. Lips that got his attention all night. He shook his head, muttered things you couldn't understand but still amused. 

"Come on, leave all of this. I'll take care of that tomorrow." Taking his head in yours, you dragged him along your bedroom and kindly pushed him on the bed. "You weren't that concerned about the dishes earlier," you whisper in his ear, slowly taking a seat in his laps.

Cuddling up against him, you played with his hair while debriefing the night with him. Your arms lay around his neck and, despite his red cheeks, his hands finally hold you closer, rubbing your back in a needy way. His eyes on your lips once again, you're sure it's already messed up so you don't mind making it worse. 

When Raichi finally cuts your chat by kissing you like he wanted all night, the shadow of a satisfied grin on your lips. You broke the kiss and chuckled. 

"What's so funny ?" He barked like he always does, making you laugh even more. 

"Nothing, you're just cute." You answered, shutting him up with a kiss before he can argue. Pecking his face over and over again, all over his face not without leaving a red tint at the same time. His poor soul can't even speak a full sentence without stutter before grabbing your face and kissing you again. 

You deepen the kiss instantly, done joking around and finally into it. You put his hands back on your back and thigh, feeling his short nails digging into your skin and you're here for it. It's intoxicating, you're lost in the way his tongue licks your lips, making you smile. You didn't realize how both of you wanted it too until now. 

Your hand slowly drawing circles on his shoulders, you were thinking when you could finally take his shirt off when you felt his hands coming closer to the zip of your dress. He started pulling it down, exposing your bare back for him and only him. You glared at him in an amused way. 

“I'm helping you.” He defended, putting his hands away from you to try to annoy you in some way. You shook your head with a loud chuckle. 

“Go ahead.” you said before pushing him down on the bed, kissing him again. 

Isagi is too cute for his own good, you’re sure of it. He can’t be rude to save his life. Well, besides football. With you he’s a sweetheart, always saying yes to anything you ask, even the weirdest things. So you like to mess with him a little. A sly smile forms on your lips before you hand your phone away.

“Yoichi I wanna try something !” you cheered, leaning on his shoulder, taking a look at his phone. He wasn’t really doing anything, only scrolling through his social media.

“What is it ?” he’s used to that, you wanted to try silly thing you saw on internet. You’re always after him to try tiktok trend, he’s sure it’s that once again. You grinned, taking his phone from his hands and tossing it nearly yours before sitting in his laps. You already got him gulped hard. Not that he’s not used to it, it’s even a position you like to cuddle but something in his mind tells him that’s not related to cuddle.

His hands find your waist, laying there comfortably, waiting for your next move. You get closer, your chest flat against his and you take his warm cheeks between your hands. He blinks a few times, already anticipating but flustered at the same time - not trusting that smile of yours. You cradle his face a little, pitching his cheeks and leaving small pecks here and there, on his cheeks, his nose and finally his lips.

“What do you wanna tryyy ?” he whined trying to escape the kisses attack but you shush him quickly, kissing him seriously this time. He takes some time to melt into the kiss, pulling you closer. You shiver at the coldness of his cold hands crawling under your shirt, meeting your warm skin and you smile in the process. His hands go up and down, smoothing your skin, grabbing it a little too hard from time to time, making you moan but mostly chuckle.

“You’re so cute Yoichi.” you purred in the middle of the kiss, leaving small pecks on the corner of his lips.

“Am I ?” he grinned, happy to realize one more time the effect he has on you. It’s easier for you to know how he feels so he appreciates it when you vocalize it. You can already feel him hard under your weight and decided it wasn’t too early to grind on him, wanting him so bad already. Just so he knew, you know.

Taking this as a green light, his lips started going down your neck to your shoulders, kissing it all the way, biting from time to time just to feel your hand pulling his hair at the tingling sensation. He loves that a lot, sometimes he’s a little brutal just for you to pull his hair or scratch his skin at the pleasure. He likes to mess around too, not that he’ll tell you. He likes the way your gaze darkens when he acts innocent. He has his way.

Coming back to kiss you after almost eating your shoulder, one of his hands stays on your hip, encouraging you to move in a back and forth motion ; hoping he will not be the first one to ask for more. But deep down, he knows he won’t or else you wouldn’t almost be riding him already. You were the desperate one this time, but it’s ok. He likes to take care of you.  

I hope you liked it ! ♡

[falling-star-cygnus]

somebody reblogged my appleradio post and tagged it as "not a ship" ...

anyway, budding qpr Lucifer and Alastor because i love them :D Duckie Deer pt.1 {pt.2}

{Lucifer is hunched over his new desk in Charlie's hotel, his grin bordering on maniacal as he puts the finishing touches on his newest rubber duck. In a flourish, he holds the little thing high- or as high as he can feasibly reach anyway- in the air}

"Now presenting..."

{The King of Hell pauses for dramatic effect, despite not actually having any audience except the judgmental stares of his scattered ducks}

"The Wendigo Peace-Offering Red Radio Rubber Duck! ...That switches hands!"

{Lucifer grins a bit more genuinely as the little thing teleports from one hand to the other, twisting into the shadows between his fingers and out to his palm. The more tolerable version of it's intended recipient, he thinks}

{For the sake of Charlie, he had begrudgingly decided to try and befriend the agitating Radio Demon. After all, if they were going to be sharing the space here for the foreseeable future it only made sense for them to get along, right? Or at the very least, try to tolerate each other}

{And what better way to do that then with a rubber duck?}

"Heh heh heh..."

{The king chucks the duck at the door}

"Who am I kidding, nobody wants a rubber duck look-a-like. That's weird, it's a weird gift!"

{As Lucifer rants, he fails to notice the rubber contraption nailing the object of his ire in the forehead. It bounces with a squeak into red tipped hands}

"I'd argue talking to yourself is weirder, your highness."

{That familiar mocking drawl and static covering, the sarcasm on his title, it causes the king to whirl around. Alastor is indeed standing in front of his door, pinching the horn of the duck between his claws with a raised eyebrow}

"Alastor! Just the annoy- uh- just the demon I wanted to see. At this exact moment. ...How much of that did you hear?"

{Smooth. Totally nailed that.}

{One of the hair tufts upon Alastor's head twitches in his direction, confirming Lucifer's suspicion that they were, in fact, ears. It's embarrassing how much effort it takes to stifle the coo that wants to erupt from him at the subconscious movement}

{He has a feeling the Radio Demon wouldn't take kindly to it}

"Hm... Is there any particular reason for this... look-a-like, as you called it? I can't imagine anyone in either of circles would appreciate a duck of my visage."

{Oh good. So just the last part, then. He could still salvage this}

"It's for you!"

{…Damnit.}

{Lucifer sounded too eager. Waaay too eager, actually, if Alastor's steadily raising eyebrow was anything to go by. The king clears his throat}

"Ahem. Uh- it's for you, actually. A peace offering! Since we're going to be around each a lot more often, I figured- well, we might as well try to get along- right? For Charlie's sake. Not- not because you're tolerable. Or because I like you. Heh. No."

{The deer demon blinks slowly, raising the rubber duck up to his eye by it's horn. His perpetual smile- seriously, is that thing stitched on or something? -looks painfully strained.}

"Is that so?"

{His voice is less staticky then usual, which encourages the King to keep going. Lucifer nearly lunges forward, grabbing Alastor's hands and adjusting the duck to rest in one of the Radio Demon's palms}

{He feels a little bad for the flinch and hitch if static that comes with it, but he ignores it for Alastor's sake. He'd like a comment about that even less then a comment about his adorable ears}

"What are you do-" "It switches hands!"

{Alastor quiets at that, his glare softening just slightly around the edges with a blink. Again, Lucifer takes the small allowance and runs with it. He uses his thumbs to push against the joint of Alastor's fingers, furthering flattening his palms; an awkward laugh spills from him}

"Hah- Give it a try! Just- think about it switching and-"

{The duck slinks into Alastor's other palm before the king can finish his sentence. It goes back and forth a few times, filling the deer's eyes with a sense of unguarded wonder that has Lucifer's breath hitching}

{It's gone as soon as Alastor remembers his company}

{The Radio Demon pulls his hands away from Lucifer's, keeping the duck tucked securely in his hand. The king tries not to mourn the loss, both of his surprisingly warm fingers and of the glimpse into his head Lucifer was so graciously privy to today}

{Baby steps, he reminds himself. Something dangerously hopeful stirs in his chest}

"I see..."

{Alastor looks, on some level, like he's lost his footing. He came in here expecting to trade insults like usual, no doubt, especially after getting bonked with a rubber duck of all things upon entering}

{And instead he's left cradling a gift made in his image}

"Well! It'd certainly be rude to refuse such a thoughtful gift from his majesty. Even if it's a silly one."

{It's a feeble attempt at regaining control at best, they both know it. Lucifer sticks his hand out with a flat expression.}

"If you don't like it, give it back."

{Alastor's smile tightens, just like his grip on his rubber duck}

"Now, now, I just said it'd be rude to refuse. Surely your manner aren't lowering themselves to your height?"

{And just like that, normalcy is restored as Lucifer sputters at the jab. The king stomps forward, maybe childishly but no one who matters is around to judge him-}

"What did you even come up here for? If I recall, your 'radio tower' is on the other side of the other side of the-"

{The deer demon had stepped on a wild rubber duck in his subtle attempt to keep distance between them and with a burst of static, Alastor had begun to fall backwards}

{Lucifer acts on instinct and summons his cane,- he's pushed his luck with touch already today- bracing it behind the wendigo's back.}

{It leaves the two in an... awkward situation to say the least. Alastor's long legs pulled out from under him and his lanky torso held up purely by the thin rod of his staff.}

{It leaves Lucifer looking down for once to make eye contact}

"...who's the short one now?"

{Alastor melts into shadows, still holding the rubber duckie look-a-like in one hand as he reappears behind the king. He can feel the radio demon's hand on his collar preventing him from falling flat on his face.}

"Still you, my friend."

{...friend. Lucifer could get used to that.}

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[harrowing-of-hell]

Hi! I read your meta about harrow intending to go back her body and consume gideon's soul. So what does the phrase "There's a difference between keeping a shred of dance card and saving the last dance" mean by this your pov?

For anyone who's seeing this post and hasn't seen the aforementioned meta that prompted, here it is for reference.

TLDR; The argument is that Harrowhark didn't willingly choose to stay in the River at the end of HtN. Presented with no viable alternatives to save Gideon's soul, she chooses to go back to her body, but is unable to because Alecto has already displaced both her and Gideon.

The main supporting evidence for this is that within the sequence where Harrow leaves the Canaan House bubble and ends up in the unreal version of the Locked Tomb (where Alecto's body is missing and her chains are broken), there are times in the narration where Harrow does things not knowing why she does them, or where things she expects to happen/experience don't occur.

As a reader I default to close reading when I'm trying to understand what's happening in a scene-- which means taking into account not only what is being said (the text on the page), but how the author is choosing to say it (syntax, word choice, sentence structure, etc). With that in mind, the entire ending of Chapter 53 of HtN is written less like Harrow is making a deliberate choice to stay in the River and more like Harrow is merely acting on impulse after being thrown into an unexpected situation.

---

@tiny-blackbird Sorry that it took me so long to answer this!

I will begin by prefacing that my argument that Harrow had actually chosen to leave the River is not me also arguing that Harrow was gonna completely give up on saving Gideon. I think she's much too stubborn and maladjusted to do that so quickly.

Rather, I think the scene with Magnus and Abigail was a moment of realization for Harrow that she has no choice but to go back, resume consuming Gideon's soul, and become a full Lyctor for the time being, even though she very obviously doesn't want to. And I feel like the narrative supports this view!

Here it's clear that Harrow is genuinely being swayed by Abigail and Magnus' argument and the narrative takes a moment to acknowledge that.

The "choice" being referred to is the choice of whether to consume Gideon's soul— the choice of lyctorhood, essentially— and is referenced earlier in HtN when Harrow reads the letter she addressed to herself.

But it's different now: in the Canaan House bubble, Harrowhark is realizing that she has no options available to her but to live. She's making the painful choice to say "Yes" this time.

I feel like a lot of people forget this moment when they say that Harrowhark chose to stay in the River to save Gideon's life. I understand why, given that almost directly after this Dulcinea tells Harrow about her body being controlled by something.

But I think that also fails to take into consideration that even if Harrowhark wanted to take the chance on it being Gideon who was controlling her body (even when Dulcinea herself wasn't sure), Harrowhark, again, has no viable alternatives to remain in the River (at least, no options that she knows of at the time).

I think Harrow is willing to do a lot to save Gideon's soul, and the lobotomy is proof of that, but if she goes insane in the River she loses any chance she has of saving Gideon, meanwhile if she goes back she can think of other methods. She could try the lobotomy for a second time lmao.

Back to your question, I think "There's a difference between keeping a shred of dance card and saving the last dance" is Harrow pointing out that there's a difference of hope in the comparison Magnus is making here.

In keeping the shred of the dance card, Magnus had already given up hope of continuing a relationship with Abigail, just as he is asking Harrowhark to give up hope about trying to bring Gideon back from the dead.

Meanwhile with Harrowhark— you don't save the last dance for someone if you've already given up hope that they'll show up to the dance in the first place.

Magnus had given up hope. Harrowhark has not.

What Harrow's saying is a rejection of the idea that she's merely a mausoleum for Gideon, holding onto whatever she can of who Gideon was a person.

Instead, Harrowhark is mourning Gideon's death just as much as she is eagerly awaiting, and expecting, Gideon's return. She's saying she's not so much a mausoleum, it's more like she's watching over Gideon's things until Gideon can come back to claim them.

That's what I think Harrow means by saving the last dance, and I think that's reflected in how Harrow already had a letter written for Gideon alongside the envelope that contained Gideon's sunglasses.

Even in her mourning Harrow anticipated that she'd be able to bring Gideon back.

[trialbywombaat]

🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

Okay so I might not be able to commit to 171 sentences 😂 But I will for sure give you a good chunk 💖💖💖

He hesitates, trying to figure out how much Howie knows. He never technically came out to Howie, or anyone else at the 118. He'd relied on the LA first responder grapevine, the same one that had let him know that Bobby and Athena had gotten hitched; that Chim was engaged and had a kid. He settles on a vague-ish response and presses send. Not exactly what I was asking... He waits, and wonders if it takes longer for text messages to travel overseas. He doesn't know much about the science behind it, and he's never had much reason to look into it before, but maybe Evan would know. It seems like something he'd be interested in. If it doesn't take longer for text messages to travel overseas, though, Howie is being frustratingly slow. Probably for a good reason, but it's annoying nonetheless. He swipes out of his messages app and opens Instagram. He barely uses it, and only even has an account because an ex had convinced him to download it, but now he finds himself typing 'Evan Buckley' into the search bar and tapping on Evan's profile. It's only been a few hours, but already he'd started to wonder if he was exaggerating Evan's attractiveness in his mind. But looking at Evan's profile, at the endless supply of thirst traps and selfies he's posted, it's quickly apparent that Tommy hasn't misremembered a damn thing. Evan is exactly his type. His finger hovers over the 'follow' button. It wouldn't be weird to follow Evan, would it? They've already exchanged numbers, after all. Before he can tap the button, though, his phone buzzes again. A response from Howie. Not a particularly helpful response, though. It just says, ohhhh. He watches the three little dots appear and bounce around while Howie is apparently typing more, and he tries not to think about how much he cares about the answer. Finally, another message appears. Sorry man, but he is famously into women. Okay. That's okay. He won't deny the disappointment he feels settling deep in his stomach. He really had thought Evan was flirting with him. And usually his gaydar is pretty accurate. But he's not infallible. Part of him wants to argue that Evan could be into women and men. Maybe Chim just doesn't know about it. But the word 'famously' gives him pause. There's more to the story that Tommy doesn't know, so if Howie thinks Evan is straight, who is Tommy to disagree. He allows himself to feel the disappointment for a moment, to ride it out. But he isn't going to dwell on it. It's not the first time Tommy's been attracted to a straight guy, and it probably won't be the last. He knows how this goes by now. Maybe they'll drum up a decent friendship, and Tommy will have someone to watch Fight Club with when they're back in LA. Or maybe they'll drift apart, and five years from now they won't even remember each other's names. And even if it seems to hurt a little more this time, if he can't seem to get Evan's face out of his mind, it's probably just because they've spent so long together already. Because he'd sat there for five hours refusing to move for fear of waking Evan, of losing the warm pressure of his head against Tommy's shoulder, and he'd imagined what it might be like to wake up like that every morning. So it might take him a little longer to move on than usual. But he'll figure it out. He allows himself one last look at Evan's instagram before he tries to get some sleep. A goodbye of sorts. At the top of Evan's profile he sees a notification that's just popped up. Buckaroo_Buckley_ wants to follow you. He has no choice but to follow back.

[binglepringle]

So I got accused of racism and basically called an idiot for trying to point out a flaw in someone’s argument. Not cool.

If anyone cares to read this thing, can they tell me what they think? I need other opinions <3

First off, like an utter buffoon, in my anger I blocked them before I could screenshot my replies, so you’ll have to take my word for it. If you know my account at least, you’ll know I’m not and have never been racist, or idealized the baby sister Cass trope (in fact, I detest it).

I see this meme talking about the usual: people™️ wanting Cass to fall into negative stereotypes bc it’s cute or whatever, and the op gallantly pulling up a panel in which Cass displays the opposite.

The flaw with this one was two things: the panel they chose was Helena Bertinelli in the Batgirl costume, speaking in full sentences, and it was captioned “… and she can talk perfectly well.”

Of course I don’t think Cass is some little helpless baby because “aww she can’t talk she can’t read” that’s disgusting. What I do think is that going all the way to the opposite end, saying “no Cass is perfectly fine she can talk fine she’s not impaired in any way” is ableist. Is that wrong?

Cassandra is a disabled woman, and I think that saying things like “she can talk perfectly fine” is just a bit canonically incorrect. It’s straight up denying that she has a disability, if you ask me right now. BUT.

In newer issues, where Cassandra is older, and has worked on her disability more, she’s shown to communicate in full sentences and such. It would be different, to me, if they had a picked a panel from any comic with her that came out in the last 5 years where she CAN talk well, and it’s not Helena Bertinelli in her costume.

So, I’m arguing with this person. My initial reply was just me saying that the panel was Helena, and Cass didn’t exist until later and didn’t talk until even later, with citations. I was being petty. Definitely ended up being a mistake. I apologize.

The op then replies, and I paraphrase because this happened a few minutes ago, that they have writers privilege so they’re right and I’m wrong, that my citations were incorrect because—oh my gosh—the Helena panel wasn’t a comic titled No Man’s Land, even though I said “No Man’s Land V2”, not the specific comic, and that I’m not as old as the comic, because that’s relevant/s.

They were grabbing every straw in the bale. And here’s where I messed up: I replied. I was snarky. I told them they were grabbing straws, and I thought their argument was flawed, even though some of it was correct.

A MAJOR POINT THOUGH: in my last reply before this lovely message up top, I concluded that I thought their argument was FLAWED even though their point that people shouldn’t infantilize Cassandra was CORRECT.

Apparently they didn’t read it before responding to it, they were just so excited to point and yell “I’m big you’re little” that they didn’t see my response in which I very clearly stated that I did not like or support that trope.

Ok, I’m tired. In conclusion, I recognize now that trying to argue with anyone online is beyond stupid and will only get you called names and shouted at behind blue light. I apologize for being petty, and not just letting a (minor, in the grand scheme of things) note of ableism go and continuing on with my night. From here on out, I’ll know to never post any critical comments. It’s better for everyone to just remain calm and scroll past what you don’t like. Call this a learning experience.

My goal here is not to get any sympathy, it’s just that I’m pretty much always unsure if I did or said the right thing (in this case regarding the content of the argument, not the fact that the argument was had), especially online, so I want to get some other perspectives to tell me if I was horrendously wrong or not. This persons comment rattled me, and I know I messed up, so I want to know what someone else thinks of the situation. I also don’t want to be known as a bad person in case op had the same idea, so this is my side of the story.

Anyway, thank you if you reply. Have a good day/night.

[redthefortuneteller]

About Snake's death

*Edit: I had to edit out a mistake I made, which was that I wrongly assumed the 20+ people Agni hung upside down in London had died! Thank you for letting me know in the comments and apologies for that! The main focus of the post still stands of course, which is to consider and wonder how the rules of justice in Kuro are applied and which are the rules exactly, if there are any. I also couldn't deny myself of adding a few other things, I once again hope you will tolerate my tendency to ramble on too much!*

From what is generally understood, Yana has a penchant for punishing characters for their wrong doings. I'd mentioned before that we can see this in Snake's case with him getting cut in the same side of the neck that Phelps got the snake bite on. It doesn't look like a coincidence, especially knowing how Yana operates in terms of details and foreshadowing. *Edit: I should like to add that Phelps dying was an accident. Snake, although he wanted to kill Smile, really didn't kill Phelps, specifically, on purpose. I've read someone argue that Snake isn't even to blame for the murder as it was a black mamba who killed Phelps, not Snake. I do not share that opinion, simply because he was the one who sent the snake. But it's still an interesting thought to consider as in "what does the author think or consider in this case?"* This being said, it's still a little hard to stomach that Snake should be dealt with in this way. I will try to explain what I mean. He died not even properly acknowledging Doll's presence, nor all his snakes surrounding him. He saw Finny leaving him behind. He died alone in his mind, wondering why he had such a horribly unfair life, treated like an animal, getting tricked and lied to by everyone, not understanding why or having anyone explain anything to him about why he was made a fool by everyone.

As he had just realized he was in the middle of it all, he was killed. He was dead before he could understand what had been happening all this time. Take Agni for instance, one of my dear long time favourite characters. He died a violent death, but at least died peacefully and happy that he got a chance at redeeming himself by doing good and living for Soma, after his sinful past in which he said he'd lived a life of sin in India and that he "hurt a lot of people". He did get sentenced to death but we don't know for certain, if what he'd done included killing. So I will still refrain from taking that into account. *Edit: Here's a link to a separate post I made, explaining why I assumed Agni had killed those people in London*

So all things considered, why did Agni die with a smile on his face, while Snake died with "why-?" as his last words? Indeed, why..?

I wonder if Yana is also taking into consideration the envenomation of the soldiers in the Emerald Witch arc to up the numbers? If we were to consider this to be Yana's "sword of justice" (haha sounds quite dramatic!), should we expect to see other characters dying such abominable deaths? Because there are so many characters who have killed a lot people and others that have killed some. Starting with the Phantomhive servants and ending with Wolfram, it could be a lengthy list. *Edit: Take Baldroy for example, he likely killed too many to even count. If there's such a concept as a "sword of justice", I dread to even wonder what will happen to him in the end.* Of course, don't consider for a moment that I'm wishing such things! I'm simply entertaining the possibility of this implicit method of justice being employed by the author, if, we were to consider that Snake's death came as a sort of payback for Phelps, that is all. Part of me wishes Snake's death would have been handled with a little more gentleness and grace. As he's such a kind hearted character... he didn't even get the chance to understand what he'd unknowingly gotten dragged into. But alas, this is the Kuroshitsuji universe after all where life's injustices are abound!

Thank you for reading and a virtual hug to all of you who love Snake! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[viennacherries]

Hiya!! I finished Kiss the Cook a little bit ago and loved it!!! Your writing has such good pacing to it, I really enjoyed reading it!

I also have a request, if you're interested: Rolan (or Gale tbh, works with any spellcaster) is in the middle of casting a spell but Tav/reader wants to tease him so they either 1, pin his hands together so he can't do somatic components, or 2, stick their fingers in his mouth to keep him from doing verbal components. This ofc leads to some nsfw shenanigans lmao

(My ao3 is Nightreader13)

Hope you're having an amazing day, and tysm for making such wonderful content, love ya 💜💜

tried to post it as a gift but it didn't let me! sorry about that.

this got away from me a bit but i hope you still like it! as requested: fingers in mouth to shut up a spellcaster. rolan/tav because i have brainworms.

thank you for the lovely message and prompt and for enjoying my writing! hope u love it <3

read on ao3 here

~~~

Summary:

NSFW, Rolan/Tav

"His hands curl into somatic shapes by his sides, and you realise he's speaking the incantation for Ice Storm. You're both backed into a corner like fish in a barrel, if he lets the spell loose you know you're done for.

You don't think. You shove your fingers into his mouth."

~~~

Rolan's temper lands you both in an alleyway, hiding from Flaming Fists, and you do what you have to in the name of shutting him up. In the end, neither of you stay very quiet.

~~~

Rolan has a fierce temper, when it comes down to it.

It surprises you somewhat, after seeing how he let Lorroaken walk all over him. Sure, he'd backed you and Aylin up when it mattered, but it had taken weeks for all of the bruises from the previous 'master of the tower' to heal. Though, you suppose you saw hints of it at Last Light, when Cal and Lia were missing.

It has its uses, admittedly. When you were ambushed by Bhaal worshippers in Bloomridge Park, and an innocent woman was struck down by one of them, his subsequent attacks were absolutely devastating. You could've stood back and left him to it, and he would've more than managed.

The fact he looks rather pretty when he's angry is an additional bonus; all tense muscles and sharp breaths. You blame your physical reaction to watching him fight on the fact he's the first male tiefling you've been around for an extended period in years. Your stupid infernal hindbrain had been telling you to bed him since he first raised his voice in front of you at the Grove.

Unfortunately, his temper has its downsides too. Like right now, for instance.

The two of you split from the group to search for Mol, who still hasn't turned up after being snatched from the inn in the Shadow-Cursed lands. Pairs made the most sense; more discreet than the whole troupe travelling together while still ensuring everyone had back up. Astarion had smirked when suggested you and Rolan pair up, arguing it looked less suspicious if the tieflings travelled together.

"If anyone asks, you can pretend you're lovers," he'd chortled. "Oh! And if you need to hide you can stuff yourselves into an alley and-".

You had elected not to let him finish that sentence, dragging Rolan away from camp before he had a chance to protest.

It had actually been reasonably pleasant. Despite initial impressions, Rolan is rather delightful company. Sure, he's still a dick, and nearly every other sentence that comes out of his mouth is an insult, but that just makes things more interesting. You'd found you were actually enjoying spending time with him.

Well. You had been. Until now.

It was your fault. You were distracted. He'd laughed at something you said, and you were busy looking at him. You could see a peek of his canines as he threw his head back, and the movement had pronounced the sharp line of his jaw and the muscle in his neck. You'd been so struck with the sight, and the awful realisation that you were actually starting to become attracted to him, that you'd smacked straight into the chest of a Flaming Fist.

"Oi! Devilspawn! Watch your fucking step!"

The man's voice was laced with malice. It's been years since you've been to Baldur's Gate, and it seems in your absence the city has become remarkably less tolerable. You suppose it's something to do with Elturel's descent, but the casually thrown slur stung either way.

"Sorry," you'd averted your gaze in a display of faux meekness. Usually you'd have him out on his arse for talking to you that way, but the streets are crowded and full of Fists. It's not worth the hassle. "Won't happen again, Manip."

"You sure as shit better hope it doesn't, or I'll put you and your Hellspawn boyfriend in the ground where you belong." He sneered around every word, flitting his eyes between you and Rolan. "Fucking foulblooded freak."

You'd grit your teeth, and started to nod, but just as the mercenary was about to step away Rolan had piped up.

"What the fuck did you call her? Watch your fucking mouth, Nul'zereb."

And now you're here. Next to a seething Rolan, in front of a Flaming Fist Sergeant, being slowly surrounded by other Fists as they take note of the commotion.

You raise your hands up in front of you defensively, "easy, please, he didn't mean it. We've had a long journey and-"

Rolan scoffs, seemingly intent on digging his own grave. "Bullshit , I meant every fucking word. They call us Foulbloods but these imbeciles probably can't tell a shit from a stew."

You shoot him a glare, but he doesn't look at you. Clearly he plans on dealing with this the hard way. Idiot. You feel your core twist. He's going to get you killed, for sure, but the fact he's willing to fight a crowd of people because they insulted you is unfairly attractive. Stupid. Dangerous. But really fucking attractive.

"You cheeky demon bastard!" The Fist shouts at him, and yep, the hard way it is. "I'll fucking flay you!"

Rolan is shouting back now, and his tail whips around violently behind him in a display of his mounting rage. "I'd like to see you try, you spoon-eared piece of-"

Okay, yep, that's more than enough of that.

You grab his wrist and utter the incantation for Dimension Door as quickly as you can manage, teleporting the both of you out of reach of the group of mercenaries surrounding you. As soon as your feet hit solid ground again you break into a sprint, dragging Rolan with you as he makes an indignant noise behind you. You hear the group shout, and the thunder of footsteps on the pavement as they pursue you.

Luckily, clad in robes compared to their metal plating, you and Rolan are quicker. You drag him through a few side streets, and then at the last minute you duck into an alleyway. It's a tight squeeze, but it's better than nothing.

You hiss your admonishments through your teeth at him in an attempt to keep your volume down. "What the fuck were you thinking, Rolan? I thought wizards were meant to be smart! You almost got us fucking killed!"

His eyes widen in shock, and he hisses through his teeth back at you as he argues. "Are you joking? What was I doing? You're the one that fucking walked into him! Besides, did you hear what he fucking called you? I can't believe you just-"

"Shut up!" He's raising his voice with every word and you have no idea how close behind you they are. "Of course I heard, but the middle of the street isn't the ideal spot to pick a fight with a group of Flaming Fists! They would've fucking flattened us!"

He scoffs, "as if, I fucking had them."

"Oh sure , sorry, I forgot how great and mighty you are. You obviously could've taken on a crowd of twelve blokes with military training."

He grits his teeth, "I still will if they fucking find us, what sort of hiding place is this anyway? If they spot us we're fucking cornered."

"You didn't give me much choice, did you? It's better this than-"

You cut yourself off at the sound of footsteps in the street. Rolan opens his mouth to say something but you place a finger over his lips to shush him. His mouth clamps shut reluctantly.

You can feel your heart beating in your ears as the footsteps get closer. They're right within earshot now, the slightest noise will alert them to where you are. You hold your breath.

Six of the Flaming Fists round the corner, and suddenly you're peering at them from the alley perpendicular to the street they stand in, barely 10ft away. You're shrouded by darkness, but if one of them happens to look this way carefully you're sure you'll be spotted. You daren't move.

You hear muttering and turn to look at Rolan, and you realise he's preparing a spell. His hands curl into somatic shapes by his sides, and you realise he's speaking the incantation for Ice Storm. You're both backed into a corner like fish in a barrel, if he lets the spell loose you know you're done for.

You don't think. You shove your fingers into his mouth.

His head whips back around to look at you, eyes wide in shock and anger. It suddenly dawns on you that. Well. You've got your fingers in his mouth. Three of them.

Not the most elegant solution to a problem you've come up with, that's for sure. But hey, it works.

He tries to draw back to free himself, and you can tell from his eyes that he's absolutely seething, but you can't risk him speaking and alerting the guards. You press your fingers down on his tongue and push them further into his mouth. His head backs into the wall, leaving him nowhere to go, and he writhes around the digits in his mouth. You press a little deeper. He makes a quiet, strangled noise in the back of his throat, before he finally resigns himself to his fate.

You stare back out of the mouth of the alley. The mercenaries are still there, pacing through the side-streets searching for you, but they haven't spotted you yet. After a few moments, they're all out of view, and you hear their voices disappear into the distance.

As soon as you can't hear them anymore, you let out a sigh of relief.

It's at this point you remember rather suddenly that your fingers are, in fact, buried in Rolan's throat.

You turn back to look at him.

He still looks angry, absolutely. But his eyes are softer around the edges, a little glazed over, and his tail whips around wildly where it's pinned behind him. He's panting a little around the digits, and you realise there's a weight against your thigh that wasn't there before. You raise your eyebrows and smirk.

"Is that a quarterstaff in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

He scowls, and makes a noise as if he's trying to speak, but you press down a little harder on his tongue and it turns into a whine.

This is an interesting development. Not an unwelcome one, but definitely unexpected.

You feel the smirk on your face widen, "you know," you say, as if you're pondering something, "you're much less annoying with your mouth occupied."

He scowls, but his breathing harshens. You grin.

"This is the problem with wizards," you know you're goading him, but you can't help yourself. Your hindbrain has kicked in, and he's right where it wants him. "They're all talk, aren't they? Take away your hands or mouth and what are you? You couldn't even cast a simple cantrip right now, could you?"

He makes a noise like a growl, and you can feel yourself rapidly approaching the point of no return, but you're finding it hard to care with his length pushed rock hard against your leg. You push your weight against it experimentally, and he whines around your fingers.

"Gods, you make some pretty noises. You look fucking delicious when you're angry, you know that? Defending my honour in front of all those people, spitting infernal curses at them. You wanna be the only one who talks to me like that, huh?"

His eyes are locked on yours, and he hesitates.

"Go on, now, tell me the truth."

There's another brief moment of pause before he shuts his eyes and nods.

"Good boy." He groans at that, and the noise sends heat rushing to your core. "Maybe you'll get a chance, but not til I'm done with you. Wanted to fuck you since I heard your petulant grousing in the Grove, I'm gonna fucking enjoy this."

He's writhing against you now, seeking pressure against his erection, but you pull back enough that he can only brush against you. The noise he lets out is pitiful.

"Shit, Rolan. You look lovely like this. Mouth wrapped around my fingers, all needy and desperate underneath me. Suck my fingers, show me how much you want this."

He responds instantly, hollowing his cheeks around you and stroking the length of your fingers with his tongue. You moan at the feeling. His mouth is hot and warm and his tongue is enthusiastic in its movements. Your noise seems to spur him on, and his eyes roll into the back of his head as he closes them, redoubling his efforts as he works your digits. You can feel slick pooling in your small-clothes.

You adjust your stance, rearranging your bodies so that his cock is rubbing against you between your thighs. The friction is delicious, but not enough between all the layers of clothing you're both wearing. Even so, he still moans as you grind into him.

Undoing the clasps of his robes is difficult with just your non-dominant hand, but eventually you free him from the confines of his robe and undergarments, gripping his cock in your fist. The noise he makes is completely lecherous, and it has you tightening your grip and twisting your wrist on the upstroke. He's not sucking your fingers anymore, just moaning around them, but it doesn't matter. He sounds fucking obscene and you're completely addicted as you wrench every lewd noise you can from him.

He's grabbing at your own robes now, trying to undo them, but he's struggling between the movement of your hand on his cock and the distraction of your fingers on his tongue. You pull your hand from his mouth, and the minute you do he groans and pulls you into a bruising kiss. It's feral and uncoordinated, both of your hindbrain's completely running the show now, overcome with the need to rut into one another. You release your grip on his cock to give him better access to your own robes.

He makes quick work of them, pushing them out of the way and pulling your small-clothes to the side to rub his cock against your slit. You both groan, and you lean backwards into the wall behind you as you hoist a leg up to plant it on the wall opposite.

He leans into your ear, hissing in a low tone that has your walls fluttering, and you bring your hands up to clutch at his chest. "Is this why you really dragged us down here? You're that desperate for my cock that you have to accost me in an alleyway? Fucking sorcerers. So full of yourself, when what you really need to be full of is a nice fat knot."

You moan wantonly and he groans against the shell of your ear, rubbing himself against your clit. The action has you keening.

"Gods, Tav, you're fucking dripping. Not sure you even deserve anything after pissing around like that earlier. Tell me how much you want my knot, maybe then I'll consider giving you it."

The logical part of your brain knows he's as desperate as you are, hard and heavy against your core, but the feral infernal instincts that have taken over would rather die than risk him stepping away without fucking you. The words spill from you easily without a second thought.

"I fucking need it, Rolan, need your fucking cock in me. Need you to bite me and mark me up while you split me open on your knot, need your cum inside me."

He teases his cock against your entrance, but he doesn't sink in. His words are breathless. "Yeah? Yeah you need it? Need my knot?"

You wail, "yes, fuck, please I fucking need it. Had me so wet, defending me like that, wanted to mount you then and there-".

The noise he makes is absolutely ruinous, and you moan back in answer. There is absolutely zero upper brain function going on in your skull anymore, you need him to fuck you into this wall right now or you might actually die.

He seems to feel the same, and slowly he eases his length into you. He buries his face into your neck and you wail and shudder as you feel the ridges on his cock drag against your walls with every inch he sinks further. By the time he's sheathed fully inside of you, his pelvis against yours, you're panting and writhing around him. His tail reaches around and wraps around yours, and they snake together in a tight coil.

He's shown remarkable restraint given the circumstances, sinking his cock into you slowly, but as soon as you clench your muscles around him his resolve snaps. He pulls his hips back and snaps them back into you, setting a brutal and rapid pace that has you sobbing. The angle, with your leg hoisted up, has every thrust hitting the soft spot inside your walls, and when you close your eyes at the sensation you swear you're seeing colours that don't exist, that's how intense and all-consuming the pleasure is.

He teases the soft skin at the base of your throat with his canines, and the sharp drag has you whining and baring your throat to him on impulse. It's pure instinct, your body begging for a mating bite, and he growls into your skin as he gives in to his own instincts and sinks his teeth into you.

The pain shoots through you like ice in your veins, but your mind and core sing . The pinch and sting is the perfect crescendo to the mounting pleasure, and with several shaky, panting moans you come undone around him, crying out as your whole body tremors. It's the most intense orgasm you've ever had, and your toes tingle as your release crashes over you.

He cries out, releasing his hold on your throat, and his hips stutter and pace falters as he chases after his own release. You feel his knot growing every time is catches against the rim of your cunt. Just as you start to cry at the feeling, half convinced it's going to rip you in half, he sinks it fully into you and it pulses and expands as he empties himself into you with a loud shout of pleasure. With every rope of hot spend he spills into you, his cock twitches hard into that perfect spot inside you, and without warning you're met with another orgasm which has you squeezing around him as he finishes. He groans at the feeling, low in his throat, and grinds himself into you as his cock finally gives its last, valiant pump of seed.

He groans into your neck, nosing his way up your throat and planting open mouthed kisses under your ear. You whine, and slowly lower your shaking leg back down to the floor. The change in position pushes his cock into you again, and you both grunt, overstimulated and spent. You stand there, locked together and panting for breath. He laves his tongue over the spot where he bit you, sucking a mark over it. The pain is almost too much, but the primitive part of you loves the feeling and you moan despite yourself.

There's silence after that. It stretches for a long moment as you both attempt to catch your breath, stuck together in the tight space of the alley with Rolan's knot keeping you tied together. When you speak, your voice comes out hoarse and blissed-out.

"I'm sorry for. You know. I didn't actually mean to, if you believe me."

He laughs into your throat, and rubs his nose into the pulse point under your ear in an uncharacteristically intimate gesture, "I'm not sure I do, but I'm not sure I particularly care anymore, to be frank."

You laugh too, "fair enough. I'd do it again, to be frank."

You both break down into warm, breathless laughter as you hold eachother. Slowly, you feel his knot shrink and he slides out of you. His spend gushes down your thighs, and he bends sideways to look, before moaning and throwing his head back against the wall behind him.

"That's absurdly hot. Fuck . You're lucky I just knotted you or I'd have you again right here."

You rub your thighs together, and whimper quietly, "I'd let you."

He moans again, "don't fucking say shit like that. That's not fair at all."

You shrug, "wasn't trying to be fair. If you don't like it, maybe you should do something about it."

He rolls his head forward to look at you, opening his eyes and levelling you with a hooded-eyed look that has your core pulsing. "Shut your mouth, or I'll have to shut it for you."

You shrug, then smirk. "I dare you."

In hindsight, you think Rolan was onto something earlier. Doing things the hard way is much more fun.

[misscammiedawn]

Thanks to some chats with a friend I've been going through the Wikipedia page for concept albums and trying to give more a listen.

Every album in some respect is a concept album. There's always influences on the construction of an album of songs, even if it's just trying to replicate or build upon what was popular at the time the album was made in order to make more money. Usually the term means "tells a specific story in chronological order" but I dunno. I kind of find that reductive. I want concept albums that do have a narrative arc but aren't always necessarily telling a story.

I think there should be nuance between the ways the term is used, at least?

But, to explain, let's take Rush as an example. Our favorite band by multitudes. They have one actual concept album (Clockwork Angels, 2012) but they have a couple albums that are incorrectly titled concept albums because their A-Side is taken up by a single song telling an expansive story over several acts. But if you look more closely every one of their albums has a form of concept to it. Counterparts is about relationships (to ourselves, to one another, to our parents, to heroes, to our gender etc) and Signals can easily be argued to be the growth of a single man going from the Analog Kid who grew up in Subdivisions to the old man who is Losing It. Roll the Bones is about destiny, G/P and Power Windows are about the Cold War, Presto is about magical thinking, Test For Echo about Communication.

And... the reason I'm writing this post.

Vapor Trails.

An album that is about the abrupt and irrevocable destruction of a world in a single violent tragedy and the unfair and inescapable sentence to live in a world after the trauma.

An album that can ONLY possibly exist in the context of lyricist/drummer Neil Peart, having lost his daughter, wife and dog in separate incidents over the span of 6 months and going on a multi-year self-imposed exodus to mourn and grieve, returns to the band and decides to write music for the first time in 5-6 years...

At the same moment the World Trade Center is taken down by a pair of planes.

"Washed away like footprints in the rain Swept away like voices in a hurricane In a vapor trail" - Vapor Trail, Rush (2002)

The album combines Neil's personal tragedy with the definitive shift in political tone within the US to create an album about collective and personal trauma that also celebrates the return of the band.

But even though every song on the album is tied by this salient theme and cannot be divorced from that context (the intentional US American spelling of the album's title even plays in), it is not listed as a concept album.

What it is, I think, is a Miracle album.

And that's the type I really want to hunt down. Albums which are simply impossible to achieve outside of the direct circumstances of their creation.

Blackstar by David Bowie (for transparency, we only listened to it for the first time last week after avoiding it for mourning reasons) is an album that is a self-written eulogy for the man's career released 2 days before he died.

When discussing with a friend she said that the man died on a Sunday after putting out an album with the refrain "where the fuck did Monday go?"

That's impossibly perfect. Painfully so.

I don't know how to find them but I really want to dive deep and find those little miracles out there. Pieces of art that are simply impossible to have happened if they had not been made in the exact manner that they had been and at the exact time they had.

Anyone got any suggestions on where to start?

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Picture this for s5 guys… the citizens of Hawkins definitely still blame Eddie and Hellfire for the apocalypse, that’s for sure. So the Party will definitely be targeted by so many ppl in s5. They’ll be harassed by people that go to their school, they’ll have the adults whispering about them behind their backs, yk everyone will be going craaazy over these kids’ supposed involvement with the state Hawkins is in. And with everyone going insane over this supposed satanic cult that has brought destruction and chaos to Hawkins, everyone will be coming up with increasingly crazy theories.

Will ‘Zombie Boy’ Byers returning from the dead at twelve years old after one week of being missing, even though his dead freaking body was found, will definitely be brought up. People will start speculating, that’s for sure. And the rumours of him being gay, a queer, will definitely not help his case iykwim…

BUT HERE’S WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING! the town of Hawkins is in shambles as the apocalypse is just around the corner, and on top of that people start arguing about Will Byers’ involvement in it all. Hawkins is divided when people start taking sides… some think Will might be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ or some shit like that and that’s why he returned from the dead, while the rest believe he was involved with Hellfire somehow even though he didn’t live in Hawkins while his friends were active in Hellfire.

This would be so freaking interesting im screaminggggggg

I’m not done btw!!

What if Karen Wheeler starts insisting the whole family should go to church every now and then, because yk, the whole apocalypse thing and the whole anyone-could-die-at-any-moment thing… she starts acting strange, and Mike notices. And then he starts realising why after a few too many slips of tongue (that last sentence sentence looks so fucking weird, i should sleep shouldn’t i)… and then Karen just stops caring about holding back, and the two get into a fight when Karen reveals her concern about the whole Hellfire thing. The rumours have managed to make her question whether she should trust her son or not, and she brings up Will’s disappearance and wonders if that had anything to do with satanic rituals or something like that. And Mike is fucking FUMING, because how can his own mother think these things about him?? What has led her to believe he’s involved in satanic stuff since before he was twelve years old?? Is everyone in Hawkins going fucking CRAZY??

But Karen refuses to back down, and then she has the NERVE to bring WILL into it and goes on about how she doesn’t want Mike to hang out with him anymore because “see what happens, mike? see what happens when you’re involved with people like him?” and Mike is just NOT having it and he storms off, absolutely fuming.

And NO im not trying to make Karen seem like a bad person but like. I NEED the adults in Hawkins to go fucking insane over the situation play. Including Karen. Because ANGSTTTTTTT

the Karen and Mike angst if this happened in s5 would be CHEFS KISS and a lot of ppl would probably hate Karen or smth but like i forgive her, i can’t blame her tbh

im slowly realising that like 80% of this post makes no sense because its late at night and im so freaking tiredddsd but yeah uh. Flood this post with notes so i remember it tmrw okay? i hope this makes some sense at least so yall understand what i mean at least

[waitingandwishing]

(Cross posted on tumblr and AO3)

Prev - Next Chapter

Five wiped his nose and Y/N touched her forehead, great... It was bleeding. The both of them chased after their father and Five shouted something that Y/N knew far too well of. "Ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, μοῦσα, πολύτροπον, ὃς μάλα πολλὰ!" Five shouted. Reginald turned to look at the two teens before going back into his car and driving off.

Five sighed and Y/N rubbed his shoulder for comfort, "We'll get him next time, Five." She said reassuringly. Five shook his head.

Diego and Lila appeared next to the duo as Five confirmed that it was, indeed, their father. "Y'know, I'm starting to get the feeling that dad's avoiding us." Five said, putting his hands in his pocket.

"Hate to be the boring one, guys, but it's time we get the hell out of here." Lila said, hurrying away quickly before getting stopped by Five.

"When you say 'we', who exactly are you referring to?" Five asked.

"Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence." Lila said, looking between Diego and Y/N.

"Listen, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but whatever it is, I advise you to return posthaste." Five said with a fake smile.

"She's right, Five. We gotta get out of here." Diego said as more and more of the authorities showed up.

"I just saved your life, you kinder-shit." Lila defended, "If I hadn't stepped in, all that would've been left of you is a blazer and some bloody socks."

"And that's the problem. You're too good. You ask too many questions. You know too much." Five accused, scrutinizing the woman. "And you fight like you know what you're doing."

"He's got a point." Diego and Y/N both said.

"So I know how to handle myself and that makes me the bad guy?" Lila asked. Y/N sighed.

"Lila, he does have a point." Y/N crossed her arms, "No one who goes to an asylum and knows how to handle themselves can run up on walls and choke someone with their legs while hanging on a chandelier."

"I thought you were on my side." Lila said. Y/N grimaced.

"Since when were there sides?" Y/N asked.

"Well, whoever you are, you're in my way." Five said, "If I see you again, I will kill you." He said, grabbing Y/N's hand and leading the both of them away.

_____________________________________________________

"No, no, no. I don't understand." Diego said, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, "They keep following me."

"Who?" Luther asked.

"Those dutch psychopaths." Diego sighed.

"They're Swedish." Five and Y/N both said as the girl handed Luther some pepper and salt. Her forehead had a bandage on it from when the Swedish guy bashed her head last night.

"They're hired guns paid to eradicate us if we do any more damage to the timeline." Five explained.

"Makes sense, after all, they're Swedish." Y/N said and handed Luther the cayenne.

"Yeah, but why now?" Diego asked, "I mean... I'm fine for three months until you showed up."

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me." Luther said before turning to Y/N, "What about you?"

Y/N shrugged, "I dunno. I guess I had a little trouble but other than that, I was fine."

"A little trouble?" Five asked, "What'd you mean by that?"

"Some guys showed up and tried to shoot me dead at the house." Y/N said, "Do you want spinach with that Luther?"

"No, I'm good."

"Alright- anyways, I buried them alive and no one else bothered me for a few months until Five showed up." Y/N said.

Diego and Five looked at each other before getting back to arguing once again. "Even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world, and the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate."

"Well..." Luther sighed, "That's not exactly true." They all turned to him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Five asked, stepping in closer.

"I saw him." Luther said, still cooking his eggs. He explained how he had to beg for money and how Reginald kicked him out of the house.

"That's pathetic." Diego said, sitting down as Luther brought the pan of eggs to the table and started eating them.

"Yeah, well, at least he didn't shank my ass." Luther said.

"No, dude. He shanked your heart." Diego said.

"What, like Lila did?" Y/N asked as she put away all the spices. Diego turned to her.

"Okay first of all, ouch. Second, may I remind about how you acted when Five disappeared?" Diego asked. Y/N froze before shrugging.

"Touché, off-brand batman." Y/N said. Diego scoffed as Elliot came into the kitchen.

"Is that my bathrobe?" Elliot asked Luther.

"No."

"Look, who cares what he shanked. He knows something about time travel." Five said.

"Um... Wait, why don't you just do your thing and, uh, time travel us out?" Elliot asked. They all turned to Five as Y/N sat down in between Luther and Diego.

"Anyone care to explain?" Five asked, clearly Elliot touched a nerve. He got up from the table and went to grab some coffee.

"First time he tried, he got lost in the apocalypse." Luther said, his voice muffled by the eggs.

"Second time, he ended up without hair on his balls." Diego said and Y/N snorted at the comment.

"Last time I tried, I scattered my family across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering a doomsday." Five said.

"There's no possibility, it's going to happen." Y/N crossed her arms as Five jumped to her and handed her a cup of coffee. “Thank you.” She smiled and took a sip.

"You're all missing the big picture here." Diego said, "Dad is the ringleader of a serious cabal that's planning to kill the president."

"A cabal?" Luther asked.

"Ignore him. Look, the way I see it, we only have one option." Five said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Luther asked.

"It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together." Five sighed. Y/N groaned.

""Last I heard, Klaus was in India. Allison had a husband which is why Luther's so mopey, Diego was suddenly in an asylum, Vanya was living a good and happy life, and you were nowhere to be found." Y/N frowned.

"Wait, that's why you're eating eggs?" Diego asked. Luther sighed.

"Can one of you three just get Allison please." He said.

"You two still a thing?" Diego asked his brother before leaning in, "Do we need to talk?"

"No, like Y/N said, Allison's married." Luther sighed.

"Whoa, dude, that's rough." Diego sighed.

"I can handle it." Luther chuckled before stuffing his face with eggs with a mopey expression. He was clearly not handling it.

"I'll get her." Five said, placing his mug on the table. Y/N stood up from the table.

"I'll come." She said before turning to Luther, "Don't squeeze Vanya until she suffocates, alright?" Luther looked at Y/N before nodding. She smiled before taking Five's hand and they both jumped away.

Luther and Diego turned to each other with a nod, "Are they...?"

"No." Diego sighed.

"But..."

"Yeah, I think we all know."

_____________________________________________________

Y/N sighed as she looked around, "Now, let's see, Luthur, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Vanya. Me... We just need Ben now."

"He's here, don't worry." Klaus smiled. Y/N saw Vanya and smiled.

"I can't believe I have sisters." Vanya smiled, coming downstairs and giving the both of them a hug. Klaus came over and gave the three of them a hug.

"Oh, that's so sweet." He cried.

"No, Jesus." Allison said, pushing him away playfully.

"Hi." Vanya said, her voice muffled.

"Hey, Vanny." Klaus kissed her head and let go.

"Klaus, is Ben here?" Five asked.

"Oh, uh, no... Unfortunately ghosts can't time travel." Klaus said. Y/N sighed, he was clearly lying and she could basically hear Ben yelling at Klaus.

"Alright then, let's get started." Five and everyone else filed up the stairs to the loft.

“It’s nice to see you again, Vanya.” Y/N smiled and Vanya nodded.

“It’s nice to see you again as well. Even though I don’t really remember you, you seem nice.” Vanya said and Y/N’s heart swelled with warmth.

"Alright, first off, I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing." Five apologized, looking at Y/N for a bit before looking at all of them. "But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us."

"Oh my god, again?" Klaus gasped before looking at everyone, "All of you knew? Why am I the last one to find out about the end of- Oh my god, my cult is gonna be so pissed. Five, I told them we had until 2019." Klaus complained.

"Klaus starting a cult was not on my list of things that we end up doing throughout the universe... " Y/N muttered to herself.

"We have until Monday. We have six days." Five said, glaring at Klaus.

"Is it Vanya?" Klaus asked, taking a drink of liquor out of a red cup.

"Klaus."

"What, it's usually Vanya." Klaus sighed.

"Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya asked, trying to get to the topic at hand.

Diego handed him a file, "Yeah, we have one." Five said and handed the file to Allison. She gasped.

"Holy shit, is that dad?" Allison asked.

"Yeah." Diego sighed.

"That's him?" Vanya asked, surprised that her adoptive father was the cause of the world ending once again. Y/N sighed.

"Standing on the grassy knoll." Diego said.

"Diego and I have been trying to talk to dad about what this means." Five said. "So far, we g ot nothing."

"Can't I just-" Y/N snapped her fingers and the lamp next to Diego was crushed flat, "Kill him?"

"We're not killing dad, if we kill him, there's a chance that the future changes and we won't exist in 2019." Five said. Y/N thought for a moment before nodding, he wasn't wrong.

"He's planning to kill Kennedy." Diego mentioned.

"Maybe, but we don't know what or who sets doomsday into motion." Five said and placed the file back onto the table, "Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely different. But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right."

"Yeah, but how're we supposed to fix it if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asked.

"Oh, come on. Do the math." Diego said. "We know dad's having shady-ass meetings with shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do."

"Find dad." "Kill dad." Both Diego and Five said. Y/N raised her hand.

"I'll kill him. Since he's trained all of us, he knows all of our combat moves which means that it can't be Diego or Luther. It can't be Allison because I believe she has a range on her rumoring and dad's pretty good with long range as well, Vanya probably doesn't remember her powers, Klaus is too high to do anything which means..." Y/N pointed to herself, "I get to kill him."

"How do you think so fast?" Diego asked.

"We're not killing dad, Y/N."

"I'm just saying that if we do, I'll kill him." Y/N shrugged, "And you guys can stab the body- if there is one left- if you wanna take your anger out on him."

"None of us are supposed to be here, right? So, what if it's us?" Vanya asked, "Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald." Luther said after a moment of silence.

"And you're working for Jack Ruby."

"Allison has been very involved in some local politics."

"Okay, you started a cult."

"I'm... I'm just a... Nanny on a farm." Vanya shrugged. Y/N patted her back.

"Well I think we all know it's not Vanya." Y/N smiled reassuringly.

"What about you, Cici? You got any confessions?" Allison asked. The girl shrugged.

"I mean, I’ve been pretty chill. Don’t think I’ve done anything crazy recently.” Y/N frowned.

"Well, maybe you do, you just don't know it yet." Allison said.

"That could be said about each of us though." Y/N countered. Diego suddenly whistled sharply and they all turned their heads towards him.

"Listen to yourselves, everything in our lives has been connected to Kennedy's." Diego said, "That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting against the government, Dad is on grassy knoll, Klaus is... Doing something weird and pervy but probably related as well. See, clearly, we were all sent here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

"Actually, we were sent here to escape the apocalypse from 2019 but you can think that Diego." Y/N said and Allison handed her the bottle of liquor.  “But I don’t think Five’s gonna let you save your little boyfriend.”

Diego started yelling at Y/N before Allison chimed in, Vanya tried to diffuse the tension and soon everyone was arguing. It reminded Y/N of when we were kids. The overwhelming feeling, the overstimulation of the voices... All the good stuff. 

"Guys, you all die. I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it, but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it... In a war that never happened until we brought it here." Five said, "And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me. I don't know if the things we experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But dad will. We need to talk to him before everything and everyone we know is dead."

"Okay, I'm out." Luther said, getting up from his chair.

"Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." Luther said, "I heard a 50-year-old-man who still wants his daddy to come back and fix everything. Well, you can count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up."

"I'm starting to think that we should all get therapists." Y/N sighed and downed the rest of the liquor from the bottle.

"Hey, where're you going?" Diego asked, following Luther out of the house. Five jumps in front of Luther and sighed.

"No one leaves until we figure this out." Five said. Luther stared at Five before throwing him off the railing, Five blinked away so he couldn't get hurt.

Y/N sighed as Klaus, Allison, and Vanya stood up. Vanya turned to Y/N and held out her hand for her to take, "Are you coming?"

She smiled, taking her hand. "Sure."

_____________________________________________________

Allison growled before shaking her head, "The nerve of that man. I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. I mean, doesn't know who I am? No, no. No, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it!"

"You want some relationship advice, Allison?" Y/N asked as she spun around in the chair next to Klaus.

Klaus gasped, "Oh, yes! She gives the best advice on everything, Allison."

"Really?" Allison turned to Y/N and the girl nodded, "Wow, okay... Well, shoot."

"From what I've gathered from the thirty minutes of you venting to us, I can tell that you don't want this marriage, something you're actually happy about, to turn into your old marriage." Y/N said, "Clearly, Ray doesn't trust you because he doesn't know if he knows you." Y/N stood up, taking the bottle from Allison, "Allison, really focus on what Ray is saying without planning your response, share your feelings and thoughts openly. Honesty builds trust, but it's important to express yourself in a respectful and non-accusatory way. And also, it depends if you actually want to listen to your husband or if you just want everything to be swept under a rug.”

"Why're you so good at this? I mean, have you ever been in a relationship before?" Allison asked.

"Yes, it was her and Five for that one time, remember?" Klaus whispered to Allison. The dark-skinned woman turned to Y/N, who was drinking straight from the bottle.

"You and Five were a thing?!" Allison exclaimed. Vanya turned her chair.

"We never were a thing! Why does everyone think that?" Y/N sighed. Vanya suddenly spoke up.

"Well, you look at each other like how Sissy and I look at each other." Vanya said, "Like you guys warm each other up, like two pieces of a puzzle."

Y/N stayed silent as she spun around her chair some more, deep in thought as she remembered all those... Glances and hand holding… “We’re nothing like that.” She simply said and Klaus and Allison exchanged looks of confusion and suspicion.

"Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya suddenly asked.

"Well, it did last time, and we did everything Five could think of to stop it." Allison said. Y/N pursed her lips.

"And I think you guess how well that went, Vanny." Y/N said, stopping the chair she was spinning and taking a drink from the bottle.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Y/N or Five grew up all hot?" Klaus asked. Y/N turned to him.

"I'm right here, Klaus."

"Eww!" Allison said as Klaus got up from the salon chair.

"'Oh, ew, ew'. Please, Miss 'Luther was my lover'." Klaus mocked while making kissing noises.

"We have never kissed!" Allison yelled.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little moon-dog eyes at each other." Klaus said, "All through puberty and breakfast and all that."

"Aren't we all brothers and sisters? Or..." Vanya's voice trailed off and Allison tried to explain herself while Klaus made fun of her.

"Well, what about Five and Y/N?" Allison asked.

"When was I in the conversation?" Y/N asked. Klaus scoffed, clearly drunk and high.

"Well, actually, Y/N wasn't exactly adopted. She was there for 'school purposes' so it doesn't count." Klaus giggled.

"Okay, can... Can we focus?" Allison asked, "I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight but maybe, maybe we could at least try to save my marriage."

"You want more advice?" Y/N asked.

"No! No, because that's like... That's like asking a nun how to hump a leg." Klaus stumbled. "I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships, this one?" Klaus pointed to Vanya, "In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her name's Sissy."

"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer." Klaus said as Allison shook her head not to say anything. Y/N sighed.

"What?!" Vanya exclaimed.

"We'll tell you later, Vanya. Don't worry it's not as bad as you think it is." Y/N said reassuringly.

"Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch... For a soldier I haven't technically met yet." Klaus raised his flask, "And Luther is... In love with his sister."

"Okay, again, we are not biological." Allison said.

"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." Klaus said, "Or, when we were kids and Five used to hang out in Y/N's room while they were being nerds and banging each other!"

"I wouldn't say that was the healthiest relationship. If we're talking platonic-wise, it was you and Ben." Y/N smiled, choosing to ignore his comment about her and Five ‘banging’.

Klaus paused before giggling, "Thanks, Cici! See, Cici always makes everyone feel better even though she never feels good herself!"

"Okay, I take it back." Y/N groaned.

"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love, is how to screw it up." Klaus raised his flask. Y/N raised the half empty bottle in her hand.

"Amen." Y/N chuckled.

"How do you guys deal with this?" Vanya asked, "I mean, all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world."

"Well, I get really high." Klaus said, sitting down, "Allison... Allison... Lies to herself." Allison kicked a chair towards him. "Y/N likes to... Uh... Kill people." Y/N threw the empty bottle at Klaus, which shattered on the floor. "And you suppress your emotions deep, deep down until you... Blow shit up."

"Yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore." Vanya said.

"Well you've got six days, missy." Klaus smiled.

"What the hell are we supposed to do in six days?" Allison asked.

"Fuck up our lives in the 60s before saving the world and leaving it all behind to go back to 2019?" Y/N suggested.

"I'm gonna tell Sissy that I love her." Vanya sat up straight, "I don't want any secrets."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! You're right." Allison realized, "Yes, cause, you know, if... If it's all gonna go tits-up, the least I could do is be honest with my husband!"

"Oh... Does that mean I'm gonna have to face my cult?" Klaus asked. Y/N sighed as Vanya smiled at her.

"And that also means..." Vanya's voice trailed off. Y/N frowned.

"No."

"Yes."

"He doesn't even like me like that!"

"So you admit that you like him?" Vanya teased, "Weren't you just saying that honesty builds trust?"

Y/N sighed, rubbing her face, "Fine. But Klaus still has to face his cult."

"I just hate group breakups. It's why I stopped dating twins." Klaus sighed.

"This family's amazing!" Vanya said, raising her arms up high. Klaus and Allison chuckled as Klaus walked up to the woman and put his arm around her.

"C'mon, Vanya!" Allison smiled, "You too Y/N!" Y/N and Vanya both joined the drunken group and laughed together as they squeezed into a big hug.

_____________________________________________________

"Five?" Y/N called out. Five turned and frowned.

"What're you doing here?" Five asked. Y/N shrugged.

"I got a letter from this old dude." Y/N said as they both walked up the glass stairs together.

"Hm, makes sense." Five nodded, "So do you think the rest of our family got the letter?"

"I dunno, I went back to Elliot's place and the letter was just handed to me." The girl explained as she entered the elevator and ruffled her hair slightly.

"Well, you look nice." Five said. Y/N turned to Five.

"I... Always look like this?" Y/N said with a slightly confused expression. Before Five could say anything, the rest of the family suddenly filed into the elevator. After a while, a foul scent filled the enclosed space.

"Oh..." Allison gagged after sniffing the air.

"Oof." Five and Vanya spoke disgustedly.

"Luther!"

"Oh, my God."

“I’m killing myself.”

"Sorry, I'm nervous." He apologized shortly followed by the elevator dinging and all of them fighting for breath to get out of the elevator and away from Luther.

"Alright, when dad gets here, I'll do the talking." Five said as they entered a restaurant called the 'Tiki Lounge'.

"I've got a few questions myself." Diego said. Y/N took her coat off and sat next Five, brushing out her hair with her fingers nervously.

"Hey, we don't wanna scare him off." Five said, "He might be able to help us stop doomsday and get home."

"No, Five. We need to figure out why he's planning to kill the president." Diego disagreed.

"This is a matter of life and death, you imbecile." Five insulted as all of their family members sat down at the circular shaped table.

"Okay, yeah, maybe we should take turns talking." Vanya said before looking around and grabbing a (probably plastic) shell off of one of the tables, "Here, whoever has got this conch shell gets to talk."

"Why is Vanya having to use her nanny skills on grown adults?" Y/N asked to herself, cracking her back on the chair.

"Vanya, we don't have time for a debate." Five said, clearly stressed. Whether it was seeing his father again or the end of the world, no one really knew. But Cici knew that he had his thinking face on.

"Maybe I should lead." Allison said, taking the conch shell from Vanya, "We all know I'm a much better public speaker than the rest of you."

"Okay, Daddy's girl." Diego commented.

"Oh, jealous, Number Two?" Allison asked mockingly.

"Hey, no numbers." Diego snapped, "No more bullshit we're Team Zero."

"Umbrella Academy sounds better." Y/N said and Diego turned to her.

"I thought you hated it?" Diego asked and Y/N shrugged with a ‘I know but it sounds badass.’

"It has a nice ring to it." Y/N said and Diego sighed.

"Uh, Diego and Y/N." Luther interrupted, "You don't have the conch." He smiled innocently. Whether it was a fake one that was mocking them or a real one, Y/N couldn't tell. Diego nodded before grabbing it from Allison's hand and launching it away, causing it to shatter. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal... Reginald Hargreeves.

The old man quickly wasted no time into getting seated, "Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have, on numerous occasions, called me..."

Klaus sat down next to him with a martini in hand, obviously drunk, and smiled. "Hey, Pop. How's it hangin'?"

"... Dad." Reginald said with a frown, "My reconnaissance tells me you're not CIA, not KGB, certainly not M15, so... Who are you?"

Everyone opened their mouths, but nothing came out as they didn't know how to explain to him that they were his... Future children. "We're your children." Five said, adjusting himself in his seat. Reginald turned to him sharply. "From the future. In 1989, you adopted us and trained us to fight against the end of the world. Called us the Umbrella Academy."

"Yeah, and you were an asshole of a father." Y/N mumbled under her breath and Five kicked her leg. She winced and kicked him back before Reginald spoke again.

"Why would I adopt seven-"

"Eight. One of us isn't here." Allison said.

"Dead." Diego said, which seemed to speak enough words on its own, "One of us is dead."

"Yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba." Klaus suddenly said and everyone turned to each other, if he was talking to himself then Ben was definitely there... Somewhere, "Enough of that now."

"Enough of that now. Regardless, what would possess me to adopt seven ill-mannered malcontents?" Reginald asked curiously.

"We all have special abilities." Y/N said

"Special? In what sense?" Reginald asked curiously.

"In the superpower sense." Luther sighed, probably remembering how Reginald shanked his heart earlier the following year.

"Called me old-fashioned, but I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence. Show me." Reginald said.

"Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden." Allison scoffed, taking a sip of her drink from the tiki cup.

"We're not circus animals, okay? We're not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement." Luther said, clearly aggravated. He spent so long being Reginald's number one, his top child, and then was thrown out when he went to him for help.

 Y/N felt... Sad for him. Even if she was never close to him, she'd feel bad for anyone who felt as if their life was just thrown away.

Diego suddenly throws one of his knives, aiming for Reginald, but nearly misses him as he's able to angle it to one of the wooden beams. The knife gets stuck in the wall with a metallic thud. Reginald purses his lips, clearly not fazed, before writing something down in his notebook that Y/N noticed he had earlier. "What are you writing?" Diego asked.

"You are zero for two, young man." Reginald said and Allison snickered. Diego's face turned to anger and he quickly went to go over to him before Five teleported to him and stopped him.

"Stop." Five whispered.

"Now that is interesting." Reginald commented.

"Alright, quick run-down." Five said and started to come back to his seat. "Luther: Super strength, Klaus can commune with the dead, Allison can rumor anyone to do anything-"

"Except she never uses it." Diego said as he sat down.

"I heard a rumor that you punched yourself in the face." Allison said and Diego's eyes turned white before he punched himself.

Vanya and Y/N looked at each other with a smirk before Reginald asked Vanya, "And you?"

"Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run." Luther said.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea." Klaus said, his voice starting to slur from the drinks.

“I say it’s a great idea.” Y/N chimed in with a smile.

"It's fine." Vanya said as she picked her fork up, "I can handle it."

As everyone started to protest against it, Vanya clinked the glass and seemed to aim the sound towards the large fruit display in the middle of the table.  Y/N chuckled as Vanya looked at her with a smile before the fruit splattered on everyone, Y/N hiding herself from the fruit by ducking down. 

"Oops." Vanya said with a mischievous smile. Y/N clapped before taking a sip of her drink with a satisfied smile.

"You, young lady." Reginald pointed to Y/N, who brushed a piece of fruit off of her shoulder. "What can you do?"

"Telekinesis. Or gravity control. Whatever you’d like to call it, I suppose." Y/N said as she snapped her fingers and the exploded pieces of fruit seemed to float back onto the table.

"Impressive." Reginald muttered and wrote another note down into his notebook. For some reason, Y/N felt off. Seeing her father after years and years was messing with her head, she was older now (at least mentally) and she felt as if she knew that her childhood was... Wrong. 

And she couldn't help but use that wrongness and turn it into anger... And using that anger into her power which made it harder to control. It hurt her.

The girl's hand shook slightly as she dug her nails into her thigh. Five noticed and took her hand into his. Y/N breathed in slowly, trying not to scream as Diego argued with his father.

 "That's you. That's two days from now on the grassy knoll at the exact spot the president's gonna get shot." Diego said as he placed a picture of Reginald to the... Present Reginald? Circe was sort of confused.

"Well... I suppose you've solved it. You've single-handedly unearthed my nefarious plot. Is that what you want to hear? You fancy yourself a do-gooder? The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy?" Reginald asked and Y/N watched Diego's face turn from anger to... Loneliness. To sadness. "This is a fantastic delusion. The sad reality is that you're a desperate man, tragically unaware of his own insignificance, desperately clinging to his own ineffectual reasoning. More succinctly, a man in over his head."

Y/N clenched her hand around Five's and her eyes had a slight yellow glow to it. She felt... Angry. She hadn't felt like this since Luther suffocated Vanya and locked her in a room.

"You're w... Wrong." Diego stuttered, tears falling down his eyes as he sat down. Oh god that stutter broke her heart even more... Y/N started to speak before Five shook his head. Despite her better judgment, she held her tongue. If she got too mad, she might actually blow Reginald's head off.

"Look, forget about the president. We have a catastrophic war coming in five days. We need to figure out how to stop it." Five said and Y/N sighed as she saw Diego's tears.

Y/N sucked in a shaky breath as she took a sip from her drink. Too many emotions for one to handle tonight. Maybe she should've just stayed home.

"Men will always be at war with each other." Reginald said.

"No, this isn't just some war. I'm talking about a doomsday. The end of the world." Five said.

"Well... You're the special ones, aren't you? Why don't you band together and do something about it?" Reginald asked.

Suddenly, Klaus started choking and Y/N felt something shift in the room. Like a cool breeze, but something familiar. "I'm..." Klaus gurgled.

"Out with it, boy." Reginald said.

He started gasping, as if he needed air, before saying something Y/N couldn't believe, "Ben!"

Klaus panted harshly before falling to the floor. Five felt Y/N stiffen in his hand as he saw her seem to... Freeze. As if she was deep in thought but her thoughts were going faster than she could calculate. "Well... Thank you for coming. I've seen about enough." Reginald said as he stood up and started to leave, walking over Klaus's unconscious body.

"No, I..." Luther's voice trailed off before he gritted his teeth and slammed onto the table before standing up and ripping his shirt to reveal his ape body. "Look at what you did to me! Look at it!"

"Oh, shit. Why?" Five muttered and Y/N's other hand started to dig into her thigh.

"You in the culottes and you with the short hair. A word, in private?" Reginald said to the two holding hands.

They quickly got up, Y/N pulling her hand away from his as they followed him to the elevator. Five looked at Y/N as he gestured to Reginald and Y/N rolled her eyes. Five raised his eyebrows expectantly and she sighed. 

"You two. Come." Reginald said as the elevator doors opened and they went to the bar. "You two seem to be the sensible of the bunch." Reginald said.

"That's because we're the oldest." Five said and Reginald made a confused face. "Y'know, technically, I'm older than you right now."

"Oh... That's so weird to think about... I don't wanna think about that, Five." Y/N sighed as she took a drink of her martini.

"Cognac?" Reginald asked as Five smiled slightly.

"Just a smidge."

"I think you two get along well." Y/N said, "Maybe you should've just invited him instead of all of us."

"The other night you quoted Homer at me. Why?" Reginald asked.

"You forced us to learn it as kids." Five said, adjusting into his seat.

"In the original Greek." Y/N added.

"This world ends in five days if we don't get out of the timeline."

"Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on."

"We can do something about this one." Five said determinedly.

"Man's greatest flaw: the illusion of control." Reginald quoted.

"Except we're not all men." Y/N crossed her arms with a slight smile.

"We need your help, all right? You're our last sane option. Otherwise, I- We gotta make a deal that I really don't wanna make." Five said.

"She came back?" Y/N asked and Five nodded with a sigh. "I think she's still flirting with you, Five."

"Yeah, you think?" Five sighed, taking a sip of his drink before turning back to Reginald. "What do you know about time travel?"

"In theory?"

"In practice."

"I know it's akin to descending blindly into the depths of freezing waters and reappearing-" Reginald was interrupted by Y/N.

"As an acorn." She finished, "We've both heard it millions of times. Five more than me but every time he tried, I was there."

"What transpired when you tried traveling before?" Reginald asked.

"I botched it." Five admitted.

"How?"

"I jumped too far forward, got stuck in the future for 45 years in an apocalypse.

Then I jumped too far backwards... Except this time I brought my entire family with me." Five sighed and Y/N nodded.

"Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities. Start small. Seconds, not decades." Reginald said.

"Seconds?"

"Mhm."

"Look, no offense, but I need a bit more time for what I'm trying to accomplish." Five said, getting a bit more agitated.

"Seconds could be good. The world could end, and you'd find out what causes it by that point. You go back in time for a few seconds, and kill it before the world actually ends." Y/N said and Five sucked in a breath. She was sort of right, wasn't she?

"The young lady is correct. So much can change in a matter of seconds. One could overthrow an empire. One could fall in love." Five risked a glance at Y/N, who smiled, before turning back to Reginald. "An acorn doesn't become an oak overnight."

[thefreakandthehair]

WIP Weekend ✨

In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post.

tagged by @griefabyss69! thanks, friend! I finally get to these again because I have WIPs I can talk about now!

the WIPs:

sub eddie week

football AU

aspiring olympian days, beer league nights

lovers rage

icarus' life, chapter 2

no pressure tags: @cuoredimuschio @steveseddie @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wynnyfryd @steddielations + anyone else who wants to jump in; it's always an open invite!

snippet of football AU:

“That’s it! I've had enough! Harrington, Munson, my office, now!” Hopper’s voice booms above their arguing, echoing off the metallic lockers that surround them. Eddie’s back reflexively pulls straight as though he’s been scolded. He hasn’t felt like a kid in a long time, but damn if he doesn’t feel like he’s about to get himself grounded.  “Goddamn it,” Steve mutters, nostrils flaring and face pinching up into a grimace. “You know, I never got in trouble with Coach Hopper until you fucking showed up.”  It’s not meant to be praise, but Eddie preens all the same, tacking on a wink meant to push buttons that he somehow just seems to know to press instinctually. “Thanks, it’s a gift.”  Steve looks about ready to snap, tendon flexing from his jaw down the side of his neck, but he doesn't have a chance to snark back. “I said now!” Hopper pokes his head back around the corner, voice ricocheting off the walls.

[auburnflight]

Sooo a little bit ago, I made a post comparing 9S to Vanitas from VnC, in which iirc, I made an offhanded comment about how, unlike Vanitas, 9S drinks the "respect women" juice.

But I'm going to revisit that. Because he certainly respects 2B... at least, in the first half of the story. After its turning point, though, that becomes debatable. In fact, I'm starting to think that he loses his respect for 2B entirely, because his rage has become the most important thing driving him. And what comes along with his rage is a sense of possessiveness.

Even before the story's turning point, we've already seen hints of this possessiveness. When Adam traps 9S, claiming to be reading out his thoughts, nearly every sentence starts with "you want." And when Adam brings up 2B, it can even be argued that it's not what 9S wants from 2B that's devastating for 9S to realize (especially given that the specifics aren't even offered to the reader). It's the very act of wanting.

This refrain of "wanting" is echoed in the second half of the story, most prominently in the novel form Long Story Short. The novel has multiple passages in the second half demonstrating 9S's possessiveness over 2B and any thought related to her. She should have belonged to him. No one else. This culminates at the end of the scene where he's fighting the multiple 2B-type dummy models in the Tower:

Reconstructing 2B's chassis without his permission was unforgivable. Animating her chassis without his permission was unforgivable. That's precisely why he was going to destroy all of them. The only one who can destroy 2B is me. "I'll tear you apart... Every last one of you!" Because they were all his. He wasn't going to let anyone else have them... not even 2B.

She's not her own being with agency anymore. To 9S, she exists only as his possession, and as his obsession.

In stark contrast to the first part of the story, where 9S is kept at a distance, in the second half, he takes his wanting into his own hands. (Literally?) In situations when he's confronted with illusions of 2B's form, he violently destroys them. Even after battling the numerous 2B models, after a brief moment of rest and tenderness, he steals the corpse's arm (with which he had caressed himself just moments before, as if the corpse might be more than an imitation) in the name of his rage. Because more than remembering 2B as her own person, he has to keep fighting and fulfilling his own desires, even if it means (and perhaps even by way of) taking advantage of her.

(Man, I love that scene.)

When others attempt to remind 9S of 2B's agency, he denies them outright. He doesn't really internalize what Devola and Popola are telling him about her. (As Long Story Short in particular illustrates, he is heavily dissociating at that point.) Nor does he stop to listen to A2 and consider there might be alternatives to his internal narrative (that she was infected by a logic virus, that she wouldn't wanted him to have embarked on this mission of self-destruction, etc.). Without 2B's physical form to ground her presence in, all that's real to 9S anymore is what he possesses in his thoughts.

Long Story Short calls his thoughts and feelings toward her--the ones he experiences throughout the story, not just in the second half--"perverse." I don't currently have access to the text in the original language, so this is an interpretation of an interpretation. Still, this translation choice suggests an objectification of 2B, and this is supported by 9S's thoughts and actions throughout his bouts of fury.

There are multiple facets in which this possessiveness is tragic. First, androids are not allowed to want. Regardless of how much 9S may or may not respect 2B, the very feeling of wanting is punishable. Emotion are forbidden. Even without any questions of agency or morality that we would attach to the situation as humans, this makes 9S's feelings "perverse."

Second, unknown to 9S, 2B still exists in the second half of the story--just in a form that thoroughly evades his possessiveness. I mentioned earlier how a physical form in which to ground her presence, her agency and her wishes, has been lost. Some form of 2B's memories and consciousness does still exist inside A2, but she is apparently unable to take control herself. To my recollection, it's not even made clear whether she's actually present and can perceive what's happening through A2's senses, or if a ghost of her simply lives somewhere as memories in A2's systems. Either way, though, 9S does come to realize this, at least partially--at the last moment possible, in one version of the game's ending should the player decide to side with him.

This whole time, as far as 9S is concerned, with 2B's original body and data gone, 2B's only existence is what he's had in his head and how it serves him. But she in fact does still exist, and the power to give or take away her agency didn't even fall with him:

So that's where you were, 2B.

(I wish we had gotten a screenshot of that part. I'm sorry. T_T)

In some ways, NieR:Automata is a very subtle story, and the first half very much trusts the reader (especially in game form) to put clues together and form their own interpretation. So with his innocent and curious air, it can be easy to forget 9S's complexity as a character, and to be shocked when he's far more eager even to kill machines than 2B herself, the unit dedicated solely to battle, is. But even 9S has his own flaws, his own vulnerabilities that will drive him to madness when exploited just right. And as we can see with many of the side characters we encounter, many androids are driven to madness by loss or by their circumstances, leaving them convinced that, whether for them, others around them, or both, none of their agency, respect for each other, or meaning that they've created for themselves matters--that all they exist for is violence.

[rapunziedameron]

negativity about them wars in the stars below the cut, as well as and*r spoilers (and a tw for mentions of sa, a combination of words I never thought would go into a sentence together)

yesterday was, admittedly, not very fun. i'm not here to argue the ethics of if it should've been included or not in the show, because frankly I'm kind of tired of seeing all the discourse (and positivity) about it, and this is more about my feelings because this is my blog.

but yesterday I spiraled hard, and began to wonder if I should even...stay in the star wars fandom. it's not a new thought by any means, given how toxic the fanbase is, but I just didn't want anything to do with my strongest special interest yesterday.

cos the thing is, Star Wars has always been my escape. A lot of other media, I have to be careful with: I can't watch everything Marvel puts out, because it might include that trigger. I have to carefully research any new movies I might want to see, just in case. Playing tlou was a risky gamble, and that is mostly allegorical in the Ellie parts. I have (kindly) been banned from several titles that interest me because it'd be too triggering.

the only exception to the rule of Star Wars being a safe haven from that trigger, is Doc's existence in swtor, but Legends has always been a little [wobbles hand about it] but canon was always very safe*, to me, to engage with and to do so freely without concern, knowing I was safe from that trigger.

Now it doesn't feel safe. The line in the sand I was convinced they would never crossed has been crossed, and my trust in the franchise has been badly shaken for it. I don't care what people think about the scene, all I know is that from now on, I am going to have to be very careful in the material I engage with from now on. I'm going to have to have future projects vetted before I can watch them. I'm going to have to blacklist as many things as possible, and pray that if anyone posts about that scene, they'll tag correctly. If I want to watch fanvids in the future, I am going to have prepare myself mentally for the possibility that I will see that scene in the middle of a compilation.

For the first time in ten years, Star Wars doesn't feel safe to me. And that is a new, very uncomfortable feeling to me. Especially when it's such an important aspect of my life, when it's been my escape for the last ten years. And honestly, I still don't know what I'm going to do about it.

*it's always existed in star wars, but it's always been implicit or allegorical. rey and poe being tortured makes me uncomfortable but it's not triggering (well...Poe's is but not for that reason). on good days, I can stomach watching the prequels, or even manage to sit through solo, or appreciate leia getting to strangle that sad sack of shit that's jabba the hutt.