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Josh: sometimes queer men have had to do things they aren’t proud of out of a sense of self preservation

Buck, later that night: babe I think it’s so sexy how you threw the second brick at Stonewall

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Buck brushing his teeth and accidentally going too far in, choking a little on his toothbrush, tears spring to his eyes: I should call him

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Lowkey we don’t talk enough about how Tommy was just totally chill with flying a helicopter in the middle of a hurricane to land it on a capsized cruise ship on a hunch. Like this man had zero self preservation. Like yea he knows Hen and Chim, but they weren’t exactly besties. Like they’re friends but not ones that you hang out with all the time. Yet he was totally fine with potentially losing his job and his life. The “our people are what make life worth living” line is really taking me out tonight guys, I’m sorry. But like he didn’t have people before, he wanted people so bad, he didn’t even think his life was worth living. He had no skin in the game to save Athena and Bobby. No one would’ve blamed him if he said no. But he was totally willing to do it because what else is he gonna do. And then 6 months later the man he loves tells him that he makes Buck’s life worth living. And being the reason someone feels their life is worth living makes Tommy feel like his life is worth living too. So much so that the potential heartbreak Buck could cause him scares him so much he runs. Because now he has self preservation. He’s preserving his heart and breaking it all at once. I’m gonna jump

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The world is still hazy, fuzzy when he comes back around, blinking against the stark neon ceiling lights of the hospital room. Wow, it‘s been a while since he‘s been in ome of those for more than an hour to get a scrape fixed or a wrist bandaged after an xray. He blinks, grunts, his throat like sandpaper, his chest hurting when it expands for an inhale.

God, he must have come down hard. The last thing he remembers is getting into the chopper for a call. Just a big stretch of blank afterwards.

There‘s movement to the side, a tall body unfolding itself from the chair by the wall, dark blue LAFD uniform, the shade Tommy would recognise everywhere.

“E—,” he starts, just a croak. A cup with a straw is lifted to his lips.

“You almost made it into the river,” Eddie announces. “Still too close to the banking though, not quite deep enough to catch the entire impacts.” He patiently waits for Tommy to take a sip before setting the cup back down. “Concussion, bruised ribs, one broken shoulder and a bit of water in your lungs. The way you were still strapped in when we got to you was almost enough to drown you after all.”

“Evan,” he tries again, the name as painful as the inhale he needs to form it.

Eddie’s eyes narrow, his lips going thin. “He dragged you out. He was the first in the water and he got to you in time and he dragged you out.” He takes a deep breath. “He asked me to stay with you so you wouldn’t have to wake up alone. I’m doing this for him, not for you.”

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(thinking about this post a bit)

“You weren’t asking me to move in with you,” Tommy said with a terrible, sad smile. “You were asking your boyfriend.”

Buck squinted, confused. “You… are my boyfriend?” That strained smile somehow became more terrible, and Buck realized he’d slipped up.  “Were. Were my boyfriend.”

Tommy sighed. “Quick pop quiz for you, then. Name three of your former boyfriend’s hobbies.”

Bucks brow furrowed deeper, but for the moment he decided to play along. “Uh, movies? Basketball. MMA, Muay Thai, stuff like that.”

Tommy nodded. “Full points. Now, basketball is not something I play at home, so that’s not relevant, and I can see exactly where my DVD collection would fit, no problem.  Muay Thai, though… where does my equipment go, here?  My mat and bag? And, hey, here’s a hobby you didn’t mention: tinkering with classic cars.  Where does my car lift go, Buck?  Because it sure can’t go in that parking space out front.”

Buck felt his face starting to go red, and dropped his eyes.  “You’ve made your point,” he mumbled.

“Have I?  And what is that, then?”

“That I wasn’t thinking about you, when I asked you to move in.”

“No, you weren’t,” Tommy agreed.  “The same way you weren’t thinking about me when you talked about this cool, confident, comfortable gay guy you admire.  I didn’t come out until after gay marriage was legalized, Buck.  There’s nothing impressive about how many people I hurt—myself included—by being unable to live with my truth.  And I don’t—I don’t have gay friends, you know?  I’m not in the community that way. I’m not an activist; I don’t even go to Pride.  That guy you were talking about—he does sound admirable.  He sounds great.” Tommy’s voice cracked.  “But he doesn’t sound like me.”

Unable to bear the silence, Buck fidgeted with his shirtsleeve and asked, “So… that’s why you broke up with me?  Because I didn’t know you well enough?”

Tommy looked away. “I broke up with you because that conversation made it very clear to me that you were falling for some better version of Tommy Kinard that you’d made up in your head.  And maybe I contributed to that. We never really discussed heavy topics much, not even our dating histories.” Buck chuckled a little at the reference, and for a split second Tommy smiled for real. It hurt to see, and hurt more to see it so briefly. “But I knew. Even if I pointed out that my things wouldn’t fit in your loft, and we had a little laugh about it and decided to look for a new place to move into together… living together would force you to see who I really am.  And you weren’t going to love that guy.”

Buck blinked back tears. “Y-you don’t know that.  I don’t know that.”

“I do, though.”  Tommy smiled thinly, his eyes wet.  “No one’s ever loved that guy.”

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okay but has no one considered the obvious (tommy is an immortal day walking vampire tired of seeing the greatest loves of his life grow old and die while he stays young forever and he can't let that happen again, but things will change in season 8B when buck gets mortally wounded and bleeding out and the only way to keep him alive is by turning him)

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And perhaps you should consider WHY

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he’d wind up breaking his heart. and tommy doesn’t think that he could deal with that. because he knows how this goes. he knows what love does.

you love your parents, but they hit you. you love your father, and he hates your gay guts.

you love your coworkers, and they die, and they get fired by shiny new captains, and they lose touch when you move stations.

so what happens when you love the incredible, big hearted, hot as hell, funny, impulsive guy who historically, categorically never knows what he wants? it’s better off not ever knowing.

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Fic Rec Friday

Hi friends 💕 I figured we could all use a little positivity so I thought I would do what I've been meaning to do for a while now - share some of my favorite bucktommy fics ✨

I've had so much fun exploring this ship with y'all and hope that we don't lose this community - keep writing and keep supporting each other!

Please feel free to share your own favorites or tag anyone you think might appreciate this - trying to spread some positivity ❤️

Sick with it by @ohjafeeljadefinitelyfeel (Mellow_Yellow on ao3) | E

I've read this fic maybe three times now and it is INCREDIBLE I might just need to read it again soon. They capture Buck and Tommy at a different time in their lives absolutely perfectly. SO GOOD.

You Can Always Find Me Where the Skies are Blue by @inawickedlittletown (emquin on ao3) | M

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SOULMATE AU'S!!!! OF ANY SHIP!!!! Do yourself a favor and go read it

It feels like I'm fallin' in love by actually_allie | E

Friends with benefits to lovers. Grey's Anatomy references. Absolute perfection.

Everytime I Try To Fly (I Fall) by @typicalopposite | M

ANGST. PAIN. DEVASTATION. But so so so beautiful and so worth it in the end.

King of the Lost Boys by @trialbywombaat (summerunderthesea on ao3) | M

The royalty/magic au this fandom desperately needed 😍 if you are in need of Knight!Buck and Prince!Tommy then do I have a fic for you 😌

you may find yourself (in another part of the world) by indigostoheli | E

HISTORIC AU. BUCKTOMMY SAILING THE SEAS. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. IT'S SO GOOD.

put your hands in mine by @saybiwithme (fatedbuck on ao3) | M

So soft and gentle 💕 everything I needed after last night.

Tagging some mutuals @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @diazsdimples @bidisasterevankinard

@saybiwithme @rogerzsteven @prettyboybuckley @bekkachaos @eddiebabygirldiaz

@trialbywombaat @sirensandstories @loucifersbitch

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Get in losers. We are in our "this canon event never happened" era now.

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JOSH RUSSO I AM IN YOUR WALLS

IF TOMMY KINARD IS BACK ON THE MARKET YOU BETTER SHOOT YOUR SHOT AND BAG HIM

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👨‍🏫👨‍🏫👨‍🏫

please

Thanks for the request 💖💖💖

So he did what he needed to do. He went and grabbed her lunchbox out of her bag, and the unicorn book, and put them both next to the bean bag in the reading corner. Then he went back to the doorway, and sat down, his back against the wall, his gaze averted. 'It looks like you've got a lot of big feelings at the moment,' he said. 'That must feel really awful.' Scarlett turned and looked in Buck's direction. Her grip on the back of another chair tightened, but she didn't pick it up like she had been doing before. 'I'm really sorry that you're feeling that way,' he continued. 'I have some food and your special book ready for you. They might help you feel a bit better.'

Make me write

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🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫 GIMME GIMME GIMME I WANT ME SOME TEACHER BUCK AND FOSTER PARENT TOMMY SO BAD

GIMME PLEASE 🤲🤲🤲

Thanks for the request! Sorry for the delay - I'm just writing these whenever I get a chance.

It was the third time this week he'd found himself racing towards Michelle's classroom, and he was once again grateful for his aide, who was ushering in Buck's class from recess like a pro. Well, technically she was a pro - so...maybe like a really good pro? One who deserved more than whatever the district was paying her, that was for sure. He couldn't tell from Michelle's face whether she was relieved or annoyed at Buck's presence, but he decided that he didn't really care. If a kid was hurling chairs around the classroom, he was going to be inviting himself in. 'I've got it,' he told her, trying to sound reassuring and professional and helpful, rather than frustrated and just generally unimpressed. 'You can take the others outside.' As much as Michelle didn't really like being bossed around, she clearly wanted to be out of the classroom and away from Scarlett, so she turned on her heel without hesitating and walked quickly out the door. Buck assessed the situation in front of him. Scarlett was a new transfer who'd started at their school two weeks ago. She was autistic, and had ADHD, and had been expelled from her previous school because - according to her permanent record, 'her outbursts caused property damage and made her a danger to others'. Buck, of course, probably shouldn't know any of this, but he did anyway, because it was all Michelle could talk about these past few weeks, and the proximity of their classrooms unfortunately meant he had overheard far too many of their conversations. He also knew, though, through the process of trial and error, that she liked when someone sat on the floor near the doorway - below her and where she could see them, so as not to be threatening, but not too far away. She seemed to need someone close by. She liked when Buck talked. When he reminded her that he wasn't upset at her, that he understood how she felt. That he was ready when she was. And he had learned that there was a book in the reading corner of the classroom, one about unicorns, that she could be redirected to. That she could look at to calm down, while Buck offered her a snack from her lunchbox.

Make me write

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bucktommy / tevan fandom, i am parking myself here, i can't give much but i can write, and i will write every goddamn day until i physically cannot type any more if that is what it takes for every last one of us to get through all this

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prompt.

In dire need of some fluff and donesticity.they both living together. Exchanging I love yous as they leave for their shift. Cuddling in sofa while watching bad tv.

They get a little horny. Sorry if that's not your thing. It's nothing explicit though!

Buck was leaning back against Tommy's chest as they snuggled on the couch. One of Tommy's hands rested over Buck's thigh, while the other gently massaged his head.

“This show sucks,” Buck sighed, leaning further into Tommy's touch.

“You're the one who put it on.”

Buck lifted his head to smile up at Tommy. “I didn't think we'd be watching it.”

“You trying to Netflix and chill me, Evan?”

“I'm trying to get in your pants, Thomas.”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “Well, calling me Thomas is a sure fire way to not get in my pants.”

“Oh, really?” Buck asked cheekily. He started to turn, pressing a hand against Tommy's chest as he straddled his thighs. He leaned in, ghosting his lips over Tommy's. “You sure about that?”

Tommy smiled. He dragged his hands up to Buck's hips and squeezed. “Absolutely not.”

Buck had sent a silent thank you to Joey at the local Furniture SuperPlus every single day since he sold them an extra long, extra wide couch. It was the one thing they splurged on when Buck moved into Tommy's place. Not a single regret was ever had on that purchase.

Buck gave Tommy a chaste kiss. “You're soft on me, Mr. Kinard.”

“You're just figuring that out? I must not be doing my job right.”

“Oh, trust me,” Buck reassured him. “You're doing your job perfectly.” He kissed him again, deeper this time. Tongues tangling together as their hands wandered. Buck groaned as he broke away from Tommy, peppering kisses along his jaw before working down his neck.

“Evan?”

“Hmm?” Buck hummed against Tommy's skin.

“I- I'm in love with you.”

Buck smiled against him, then licked against his pulse point. “I love you too.”

“No, I- uh,” Tommy's head lolled back as Buck sucked at his collarbone. “Evan, I- I love you too, but I'm in love with you.”

Buck froze. He sat back against Tommy's legs, staring at him. “You- You're telling me this while I'm grinding against you?”

“Is that... bad?” Tommy asked, face falling slightly.

“No, no! It's just... We can't tell that to our kids.”

Tommy grinned. “Our kids?”

“Well, yeah! One day they're gonna ask about the time we told each other we were in love, and we cannot tell them it was when we were dry humping on the couch!”

“Technically, only I've said I'm in love with you,” Tommy replied, emphasizing the point by pressing a finger to Buck's pec.

Buck brought his hands to Tommy's face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “I am so, incredibly in love with you, Tommy.”

Tommy took a deep breath. “Yeah?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah.”

“Because you don't have to-”

Buck silenced him with a kiss, tongue swiping against Tommy's lips until he opened his mouth and let Buck inside.

Tommy moaned into the kiss, eventually pulling away for air. He pressed his forehead against Buck's. “We definitely can't tell the kids that part.”

Buck shrugged. “We'll make something up. Stick to the 'I love you' story. That one's pretty PG.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Are you forgetting what we did on your kitchen counter afterward?”

“Okay, so we'll cut the story short," Buck whined. “Can we please have sex now?”

Tommy lifted his hips to grind up against Buck, watching as he closed his eyes and his lips parted with a happy sigh. “You know I can't say no to you.”

Buck kissed Tommy's lips, then his cheek, his jaw, his temple, before leaning toward his ear. In a whisper, he asked, “Even if I call you Thomas again?”

Tommy groaned, chills running down his spine. “You can call me whatever the hell you want,” he decided, wrapping his arms around Buck's waist and flipping them over.

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Tommy refurbished the old swing bench on his back porch himself. Replaced some of the old slats, sanded it down, stained the whole thing. Made sure it was anchored in place under the overhanging roof, safe from the rain. Got a couple of cushions for it and everything.

He’d slowly done up his whole backyard, one day off at a time. Refurbished the porch (and the porch swing), faded and worn from years of use. Resown the lawn, put in garden beds with easy to maintain plants. Got an arborist to assess the tree in the back corner. Concreted an outdoor dining area, right off the porch — with his fancy grill and an outdoor table.

Perfect for entertaining, not that he got a chance to use it.

Tommy was a social guy, always had plans, things to do. It’s just that those things hardly ever involved people coming to his house. It was always the gym, the basketball court, bars and breweries. Car shows and aircraft hangers. He was friendly with lots of people, but sometimes he wonders if he actually has any real friends. If you need another person for karaoke trivia, he’s your guy. Always down for a beer and a laugh after work. Will offer to fix your car for you.

It’s just that after all those things, he goes home alone.

He has Evan now.

Evan, who says he’s going to sleep in and then wakes up early anyway. Who tells Tommy that it’s not because his house is new and unfamiliar. It’s exciting and intriguing and cozy and wonderful and he wants to take it all in.

Sometimes, on their shared days off, they spend the morning in bed. Lazy and soft, kissing leisurely as the sun streams through the gap in the curtains.

Other times, Tommy makes them both coffee while Evan grabs Tommy’s huge fuzzy blanket off the couch and drags it out to the swing bench. Still wearing only underwear and an old shirt of Tommy’s — complete with a faded movie reference Evan doesn’t understand on the front. Lifting up the blanket, holding it out the way so Tommy can slide himself under.

It’s not even that cold, and Tommy knows that he and Evan both know this. He just wants an excuse to be close, to press himself into Tommy’s side, cradling a cup of steaming hot coffee in his hands. Tommy just wraps an arm around his boyfriend, gently thumbing at the frayed edge of Evan’s stolen shirt. Trying not to shiver at the heat of Evan’s bare leg pressing into the thin fabric of his sleep pants.

“We should invite everyone round.” Tommy says, voice deep with sleep, eyes scanning over his new and unused backyard. He feels something in Evan hitch, where his body is pressed into his. Warmth radiating out of those points of contact and settling deep in the hollow of Tommy’s ribs. Soothing the ache, just a little bit more. “Have a barbecue.”

“Y-yeah?” Evan asks, turning in place to look at Tommy, to lock eyes with him. A slow grin overtakes his face, that familiar gleam in his eye. That hitch in his chest as the last tendrils of sleep leave him.

“Of course,” Tommy says with a smile and a shrug. It was an easy offer to make. He had the space, he had the people, and it would be a shame not to use it. It felt a little aspirational when he was planning it out — his little outdoor entertainment area — for one day in the future, when he finally had the family he’d always dreamed of having. It feels closer in hand now. “You said the 118 hadn’t had one since Bobby and Athena lost the house.”

Evan hadn’t said that he missed it, missed having everyone together, but Tommy could tell. He was getting better at reading Evan, those expressions he makes, the things he holds back. So if this was something he could offer, then why wouldn’t he? It would make Evan happy of course, but it would make himself happy as well. It felt like the obvious choice.

His boyfriend kisses him, soft and sweet and tasting of coffee.