#I become 800 times more normal every time I go home because I’m able to exist in multiple rooms without third-wheeling two fuckheads

[cartoon-skeleton]

one of my roommates just told me they read my comic… holy shit good thing I didn’t make it a thinly veiled story about how much I hate my roommates like I almost did

[thecaroliner]

After almost six months I think I’m finally ready to talk about what happened to my dog to get it off my chest and maybe this will help others prevent this happening to their dogs.

About 2-3 ago we began noticing a few changes in Chibi that we just associated with age. He was 10-11 at that point so obviously he was slowing down a little bit but we also noticed how itchy he had become. It seemed like all day every day he was gnawing and scratching at himself, sometimes to the point of drawing blood. His vet basically shrugged and said “idk try this prescription shampoo” we tried it. There was a small improvement but really didn’t do enough for him. As time went on he became more and more miserable so he was finally prescribed a pill and a monthly shot to help with the itching. Again, it did ease his symptoms somewhat but not like it should have. His vet seemingly just didn’t care enough to try anything.

So last year he began losing hair, like a LOT of hair. Especially on his tale. His underside was slimy too, and he smelled awful despite having a bath pretty much every other day. It was getting to be a little gross to even pick him up. He was freezing all the time because of how little hair he had.

So finally, in around January, I took him to the vet one day because his eyes were leaking really badly. The vet seeing him that day was like a traveling vet and it was her first time at that clinic. She was much more concerned about his itching and lack of hair rather than his eyes, and when I told her his history she said “well it sounds like the regular vet has just been trying to put a band aid on his symptoms and not get to the root of the issue.” I am eternally grateful for this woman because she was determined to find the cause of it and it lead to a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. All his symptoms, his lethargy and itchiness and hair loss, his overproduction of sebum was all related to that. Pretty much within a few days of him receiving thyroid medication, he was like a new dog.

He suddenly had energy again. He would play and run around. His hair began growing back and he stopped itching and smelling bad. My baby, who we were afraid was just slowly dying from age, was like a puppy again. I am so so so grateful that he got to spend the last few months of his life full of energy again.

And then came April. One night, after a completely normal day with him, and he threw up around 11 pm. No big deal, he throws up from time to time. But then he did it again, and again, and again rapid fire. He was shaking and walking around like he was scared. Three years prior, he had shown these same symptoms and the emergency vet concluded he had eaten something toxic (to this day we have no idea what it could’ve been) and in kidney failure but was able to get him on some fluids and meds and he was good as new.

Mom and I were afraid this was happening again, so at midnight we loaded him into the car and took him to the ER vet. $800 and some fluids later and they said “well, he could possibly have pancreatitis but just monitor him and follow up with his regular vet.”

We take him to the vet a few days later. “Oh, I see he was diagnosed with pancreatitis.” We were shocked because the ER vet said it was maybe a possibility and not a definite. But okay, he has pancreatitis. So now he has to be on an extremely bland died of boiled chicken and rice and some prescription dog food.

He did fine for the next week or so, but then one day just stopped eating. He didn’t even want his favorite snacks like peanut butter. He just sat around the house, but he was sitting up as though laying down would be too difficult for him. He kept begging to go outside and try to potty but he couldn’t. Even days later when nothing was in his stomach at all he was trying to go.

I take him to the vet one morning and tell them the symptoms. “Well, just get him to eat a bland diet and it’ll ease his symptoms” he. Is not. Eating. I went home frustrated. That afternoon he seemed to be in tremendous pain so I took him back, and this time they weighed him. He’d lost 4 pounds in just a matter of days. Not one person at that vet office seemed even mildly concerned about this.

This bitch of a vet tech pulls me into a room and goes “okay, so tell me exactly what is going on because you and your mom keep giving us conflicting answers about if he’s eating or not, so what’s the deal” HE. ISN’T. EATING. My mom and I were both telling them that. I don’t know what the confusion is. He got more fluids and we left once more with no answers.

And then 4 days later he was gone. On his last night he began sounding really congested when he breathed and the next morning the vet said his pancreas was just failing I guess and the mucus he was producing was from his lungs and there was nothing they could do. And that was the end.

I found out shortly after that undiagnosed hypothyroidism can lead to pancreatic issues and failure in dogs.

My baby suffered for 2 years because his vet didn’t bother trying to really fix his problem. And then he finally, FINALLY gets to feeling normal again only to go from a little sick to dead in just 2 weeks.

It really just felt like the vets office was in the mindset of “oh he’s old so we aren’t gonna bother doing much for him”. Life expectancies for his breed can go up to 15-17 years so he probably still had quite a life left ahead of him.

I miss him so much.

[epigstolary]

Out and About

I think I have the most fun when we get to go out and spend time together, just the two of us. I’m sure that’s not uncommon for someone in a relationship to say -- but most couples don’t include someone who’s 800 pounds.

No matter how many times it happens, I never get tired of seeing the alarm on people’s faces wherever we go -- the sight of you laboring up behind me, rolls of fat wobbling all over your body, red-faced and sweating, breaths coming in ragged gasps, all your effort focused on just advancing forward and controlling the movement of your bulk as best you can with your overmatched frame. The staff of whatever store, restaurant, theater, or other place we happen to be visiting clearly terrified that you, putting the morbid in morbid obesity, will become an emergency for them to deal with at any moment; but having to keep up their best customer service face because you’re joining me, a normal person who isn’t a walking heart attack waiting to happen. The obvious effort it takes them to ignore the literal elephant in the room never ceases to amuse.

And then there’s how other patrons react to you trying to operate normally in an environment your engorged body clearly isn’t suited for anymore. Most public spaces aren’t designed for someone with a 100+ inch waist, and they always show some vicarious embarrassment at seeing you try to perch your extra-wide ass on two chairs in a restaurant, or struggling to squeeze your bulging love handles into two theater seats even with the middle armrest up. They studiously avoid looking like they want to look at you, despite their morbid curiosity, even when you’re lumbering by them in the aisle or next to their table, your heavy footfalls and labored breathing all but impossible to ignore. Most of them must wonder how you can stand to have grown as huge as you have. Little do they know how recently you were more or less their size, and how hard you had to work to accumulate this much lard on your body.

Your reactions are always adorable, too. How self-conscious you look when you see the furtive glances of the other patrons in your direction, silently judging you for letting yourself get like this and still expecting to be able to go out in public. The pleading look you give me when I make you struggle to the buffet counter to get your next plate, or to the lobby for yet another round of movie snacks. The snide comments about your size or lack of fitness from the bolder customers or staff — the kind that turn your already flushed cheeks bright red with embarrassment. You know the shock, revulsion, and disdain in everyone’s minds must be far worse than anything they would say within earshot of you.

But when we eat, you have every reason to suspect it’s far worse. However self-conscious you may be, however hyper-aware you are of their judgments on your gluttony, you’re too used to the scale of your usual meals to limit yourself. When your routine at home involves eating a family-size portion for every meal and snacking almost without interruption in between, there’s no way an ordinary serving will satisfy you. And so you find yourself returning again and again to the buffet line, your burgeoning belly and tits heaving and wobbling as you fill plate after plate to take back to your seat; or ordering multiple meals under the questioning gaze of the waiter, who takes in the hanging rolls pushing out from your undersized clothes and whose raised eyebrows wordlessly communicate the question, “Are you sure eating all of that is a good idea? Aren’t you fat enough already?” The other customers, too, look like the same question is on their minds, watching your fat bob up and down with each bite your take of your oversized meal, undoubtedly adding even more blubber to your excessive bulk.

It’s in moments like these that you’re most keenly aware of just how outrageous your body is to an average-size person. A typical civilian wants to diet at the first appearance of a muffin top or softening midsection; your waistband disappeared long ago under a belly that hangs over your knees, whether sitting or standing. Normal people would hide their legs at the first sign of dimpling cellulite; whereas you proudly display legs bigger around than most people’s waists, your thighs bulging out to fill the space between your legs, and the rest of the massive, wobbling rolls piling more pressure on the bloated feet anchoring you to the ground. They work to have toned arms and a lean upper body; but you’re content to have arms laden with blubber, so puffy that your wrists and elbows are completely obscured, so heavy you can lift them to feed yourself another mouthful of food only with conscious effort. When you’re not eating, you have to rest them on the thick flab of your chest, the rolls on your forearms folding and bunching atop the two massive tits plopped on that out-of-control belly. To these people, your body is a monument to a lack of control, a cautionary tale about what unrestrained gluttony can do to someone. It’s a wreck, and you’re a subject of revulsion and pity, buried under hundreds of pounds of bad decisions that you have to waddle around with every day.

But that isn’t what I see. I see someone who eats exactly what they want, has made their body exactly what they wanted it to be, and does exactly what they want to do whether they’re too fat for it or not. Sure, you might say that I’m the one who made you this way, that you never wanted to get this huge, or that you’d never subject yourself to the judgment and derision of the public if I didn’t require it of you. But would you really have let me keep encouraging you if you didn’t want a life like this? Would you have kept eating if you didn’t want to be wobbling on the edge of immobility? Would you pass up all those snacks and buffets and feasts, just to avoid the odd comment here and there about being too out of shape to haul your lard-packed body anywhere outside the house without looking like you’re about to collapse?

I think you know the answers to all those questions. And I think it’s why, however much you whine and wring your hands, you never refuse to go out when I tell you to. Because you want to be the fattest one in the room just as much as I want it for you. You never feel fatter than when all eyes are on you, when you can shock a room with your immensity, and when you know you’re offending someone just by being super-morbidly obese and existing around them. It drives them crazy that you’re quadruple the weight of a regular person and you haven’t eaten yourself into a power chair or hospital bed yet. And, deep down on some level, you love every last second of it.

So really, we may as well enjoy it while we can. One thing is true: you won’t be this size forever… not if I can help it, anyway.

[musicallisto]

Hi, congrats on 800 followers! Can I please get a Six of Crows ship? I’m have short brown hair (I dyed red last week) and green eyes. I don't mind if im shipped with a girl or a boy. I like reading (no romantic novels), music and photography. I'm Aquarius. I’m very curious. I'm a little shy and even cold at first. I’m not good with feelings, I mostly keep them to myself if I can, but I care deeply for my loved ones and would do anything to help them, even if I'm not very good at giving advice. ☆

hi! here’s your vanilla milkshake, I hope you like it! I ship you with jesper fahey!

You don’t imagine the extent of my joy to be able to add a gif of an actual real person for Jesper... however shall I survive until Aprid 23rd?

For the longest time, you thought the world started and ended at your corner of Fjerda, in your frozen estate by the True Sea.

You were descented from minor Fjerdan nobility, and your father, jaded by Court Life and its political intrigues - and, unofficially, penniless after giving his all for the sempiternal wars on Ravka -, had decided to leave the capital and retire to his family’s estate by the sea a few years after you were born.

All you had ever known were the large, marbled corridors you’d spend entire afternoons wandering, daydreaming about adventures in the confines of the country - or living the lavish life of a true Fjerdan princess, in an outrageously enormous bed of satin sheets...

The house was spacious and beautiful, with a marvelous view over the sea, gently carrying its boats to and fro before you - and you’d stay there on the balcony in your flowy white dress, admiring the ocean until you couldn’t fight the chills of the night creeping up your spine anymore; but as tranquil and languid as your existence was, it was also terribly lonely.

All you longed for was a sibling, a friend, a partner in crime, someone you could explore the world and go on quests with...

... until a lighting bolt tore the silence, one night.

You couldn’t sleep, so you had gone on a walk by the shore as you often did - your father was never worried about it, since you knew the rocks and their cracks like the back of your hand, and would know the way back home even with your eyes closed.

But you were so absorbed by the distant twinkling of stars that you didn’t notice the shadows creeping up behind you until it was too late.

Screams in a language you can’t understand; an arm around your neck in a chokehold, another slipping under your knees; you thrash around, slice all you can, bite and claw at all you can grasp...

Your abductors know better than to let Fjerdan nobility get away from their grasp. They don’t know exactly who you are - but they’ve guessed from the distinguished aspect of your house that there’s a fine sum to gain from whoever will be willing to pay for you - your father for a ransom, or anyone else, in Kerch, who’ll make good use of your services.

Those brothels in Ketterdam pay good money for young girls, they hear - even more so for a Fjerdan pearl.

When they throw you on an overloaded carriage like a potato sack, you’re still yelling at the top of your lungs, pleading for your father, for one of your maids, for anyone to help you.

But no one hears.

You shed all the tears you have in the first night, tossed around in a dark chariot, off to somewhere unknown. Your father hasn’t prepared you for this - nothing, not even your books nor your fantastical imaginary adventures...

But you don’t intend on being sold off that easily. So you devise a plan to get away.

The first opportunity to break free presents itself when your kidnappers force you to board a ship; but they manage to catch you before you’ve run very far.

But second time’s the charm; with nothing better to do during the voyage than to bide your time and gnaw at your bonds, you’re able to slip from your captor’s watch, and blindly run through the harbor - just to get as far as possible from the stench of this floating carcass.

The first thing that strikes you is the odor. You’ve known the sea forever - it’s clear and bright as ice, and smells of fresh mornings and cold salt; never of this green rot that festers everywhere in these streets... and all those chimneys, all those people, who stare you down as you run down these grimy streets, barefoot in your off-white dress...

You understand that you’re farther from home than you’ve ever been, and it’s not a thrilling adventure, it’s terrifying and overwhelming, and you want nothing more than to burst into tears.

But you don’t, because a pair of strangers flag you down in a language you don’t understand.

A tall and lanky dark-skinned boy, wearing vibrant fabric and a self-assured grin; and possibly the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in your life, all bright eyes and genuine frown.

Paralyzed, you open your mouth, once, twice, incapable of making the slightest sound; until the girl notices your visible discomfort, and, eyeing your pale eyes, asks in the slightest of Ravkan accents;

“Are you Fjerdan?”

You nod with all your soul. You’re ready to cling onto them both for dear life.

“What happened to you?”

Your voice fails you - you can’t explain it - you haven’t even comprehended it all. You were curled up in front of the fireplace just the night before...

“Do you have anywhere to go?”

You shake your head with despair, trying to blink back the tears.

“Come with us. We know someone who’ll help you.”

You don’t mull it over very long. Maybe it’s your sheltered uprbinging that has made you naive; maybe it’s the curiously comforting warmth you see in the Ravkan girl’s eyes; but you simply have no better option, and you can’t understand a word of Kerch, or wherever it is that this barbarian folk speak.

Although your two saviors start arguing, probably about whether or not they can reasonably take you in, your tear-stained cheeks and desperate vulnerability are enough to convince them - so you follow them.

Into the lair of the Dregs, of whom you’ve never heard - and of Kaz Brekker, who you know very well.

After all, he’s the infamous gangster who invaded your homeland, broke into the Ice Court, and stole the Shu boy - or so you saw your father read in the papers. To know that you are under the same roof as that lowlife would be enough to give your father a heart attack...

You’re half convinced that he’ll throw you back to the streets, but Nina and, surprisingly, Jesper as well, plead in your favor with a greatly convincing fervor. You learn that it’s probably because Kaz has much greater worries on his mind - the criminal group is planning on retrieving one of their own from the clutches of a treacherous business partner, or so you’ve gathered.

Either way, you’re more than happy that the terrifying and redoubtable Kaz Brekker is leaving you alone, and that you can enjoy Jesper’s company.

You two become unexpectedly good friends overtime. He comes to visit you at the Crow Club, where you’re staying, almost every day. Yet communication is not your strong suit, especially in a language you don’t understand at all, and you don’t fancy yourself a particularly enthralling girl to be around.

Not when one has lived the life of a criminal, a sharpshooter, a wanderer, a playboy... well, all those things that Jesper prises himself on being, and all those words he’s taught you in Kerch.

(That and the curse words, of course, that you’re a bit intimidated to use at first, until they slip out of your mouth one evening when you drop your plate at dinner with the Dregs, and the entire canteen falls dead silent.)

“Did she just say ‘fuck’?”

“I think she just said fuck.”

“See, Matthias, she wasn’t immediately struck by lighting by Djel’s hand. You won’t die if you say it.”

Speaking of Matthias, he’s also a good friend of yours - it’s comforting and refreshing to have a familiar face around, one of Fjerdan roots and mores.

Although the rest of the group says you’re not that Fjerdan.

“You’re one of the feisty ones, at least.”

“I’m not ‘feisty’. Shut up, Jesper.”

“Ah, I see you’ve been working on the vocabulary I taught you!”

Matthias and you both have a lot of soul-searching and unlearning to do about the outside world - you were raised in particularly bigoted environments, you somewhat less than him. The hatred for the Grisha he’s been taught by the Drüskelle is fear in your case; you’ve been brought up on bedtime stories of bloodthirsty Grisha who devour unruly kids, and war and devastation caused by their unstability and blasphemous magic.

It’s even more of a shock to you when you learn Jesper is a Grisha.

Unbeknownst to you, you’ve started to fall a little for him - how could you not? He’s funny, charming, sarcastic and witty; always has the best stories to tell, and despite it all, sincerely cares for you amidst the chaos of their heist and revenge plans.

But to learn he was the kind of monster - no, the kind of creature - no, the kind of person, you force yourself to correct mentally - that you had been taught to fear for your entire life...

“I’m so sorry. You should never have been there.”

He’s pacing back and forth in your room after a shootout has gone awry and you were caught in the crossifre; it’s the first time he’s ever had to use his Durast powers to get you of the mess - and normally he wouldn’t have, because it’s a secret he wishes he could carry to the grave, but the fear of losing you was too strong...

“Thank god that I was there, though. What would you do without me?”

He’s fidgety and restless, nervously playing with his pistols, and his nervous laugh is all but genuine; and you’re huddled up on your bed, staring him down with wide eyes.

“Jesper, you...”

“Yeah, maybe not the best moment.”

“Jesper...”

“It’s like they have a knack for knowing exactly where we’re gonna be and when...”

“Jesper!”

He abruptly turns to look at you, and his eyes widen. He’s starting to understand, almost, but refuses to believe it. Your voice is a murmur, and you can hardly hold his gaze.

“Jesper, are you... going to hurt me?”

His words die in his throat. He remembers where you’re from... the garbage that they must have filled your ears and head with from the day you were born... how feverish Matthias was with Nina... he looks at his hands, and his Materialki magic rumbles like a dark curse.

“Y/N, you’re scared of me?”

The sheer hurt in his voice breaks your heart. Even though you’re trembling, you let him step closer to you, slowly. It’s Jesper in front of you, not some ungodly monster from legends... Jesper, your Jesper...

“I’m... I’m sorry...”

He cups your face in his hands, warm and just a bit moist, and stares into your eyes with a vulnerability you have never seen in him.

“I’d never do anything to hurt you, Y/N, I swear on my life. All I want is you to be safe...”

Safe from me, if that’s what you wish, he thinks for a split second, but you don’t give him time to doubt; you’ve captured his lips in a frenzied kiss, and hold on for dear life onto his lean shoulders.

Fjerda and its blind hatred is very far from you, now. You're locked in Jesper's embrace, and you won't have to hear their lies anymore.

You know you have nothing to fear from him; not now, and not ever.

800 follower sleepover CLOSED!

[backtobackbakubabe]

I am the Alpha Now Part 12

Bakugo X Reader (There’s a bit of smut in the beginning) 

Words : 3133

Masterlist

Reader is from America and somewhat of a delinquent with an alpha quirk that allows her to turn into a wolf as well as bond with dogs. She is sent to UA to straighten out her attitude. She ends up in a power struggle with none other than our favorite hot head. Words in Italics are words said telepathically.

You didn’t leave the dorms once that weekend. True to his word Bakugo was there for you the entire time and helped in whatever way he could. He even went out of his way to cook foods that you were craving. And those weren’t the only cravings he satisfied. Your room has become a den of absolute sin. It didn’t matter what you were doing or where you were. As soon as the feeling started to coil in your stomach, the feeling of need, the feeling of desire, he was there. There wasn’t a surface that wasn’t christened at this point. The bed, the floor, the desk, the shower.

Right now was no exception. You had been casually studying for your upcoming finals. There was just something about the way his voice sounded when he corrected you on something. The way his hands looked when they took notes. Your thighs started to press together, and your breathing hitched. You couldn’t hump like rabbits all weekend. You needed to actually study.

Bakugo could tell you were growing uncomfortable, and started to scoot closer to you. You could feel how exhausted he was, no doubt from all of your uh… extracurricular activities. You started to protest when he reached for you but one look from his smoldering red eyes had you squirming. He reached around your waist and pulled you into his lap your back against his chest. His chin rested on your shoulder as his thighs spread your legs open. His voice, softer than usual, vibrating down your neck as he continued to ask you questions. His lips leaving soft kisses in the spot where your neck met you shoulder. 

You let out a shaky breath and tried to clear your head, he was asking you a question. What did he say? Can you even remember? Are any of your senses even working right now? When you didn’t answer he bit down on your shoulder, “Come on pup, stay with me. What quirk style is best when going against a villain with an electricity based quirk?”

You yelped but that little bit of pain was enough to boot your brain back up, “Uh… ?  An earth style quirk?”

His hand slid across your thigh and entered into your pajama shorts. While his other arm wrapped around your hips. “Good girl, now tell me… What do you do if a villain has a fellow hero hostage but you are outnumbered?” His fingers were tracing your most sensitive area through your underwear making it hard to even think straight. If he wasn’t holding you to him, you would have fallen over.

“T-Technically I’m supposed to wait for back up a-and follow but not engage… but- but.”

Bakugo’s fingers started to slip past the waistband of your underwear, “But what?” Damn that husky voice.

You leaned into him, inhaling his sweet burnt sugar smell, “If it were you… I’d burn the place down to get you back safely.”

His fingers thrust inside of you as he cooed in your ear. “I believe that’s my line pup.” His fingers pump in an out of you while he assaults your neck with kisses. “I’d do anything to get you back. I’d break any rule, I’d burn down the world if it meant keeping you safe.”

Your back arched as you finished on his fingers. Breathing heavy as you slowly came back down to reality. When your head finally cleared you could feel Bakugo kissing the top of your head. “You know I don’t know what I’d do if I had to get through this alone. It would have been torture. I know it’s been more than you bargained for.”

Bakugo’s arm tightened around your waist. “This has been the most exhausting weekend of my entire life… but it’s also been the best. How much longer do you think this is going to last?”

You snuggled deeper into him, “I don’t know, but it dose seem to be slowing down. In the past it’s lasted anywhere from three days to a week. I should be back to a normal level of horny by the time finals start.” Bakugo chuckles and slaps your ass. “I mean not that I’m complaining but it will be nice to get back to reality. I think I’ve started to forget how to behave outside of this room.”

You scoff, “You never knew how to behave to begin with baka.” He started tickling you, ‘What was that? Baka? Who you calling baka? When did you even learn that?”

Between your laughter you pushed away from him, “You literally call me baka like 800 times a day. I asked Kiri. So technically I learned it from you… BAKA” He swatted your ass again before announcing he was going to take a shower and tossing you off his lap and on to the bed like a sack of potatoes.

You had class in the morning and finals started tomorrow. This was the last week of class and then you would graduate and have to make a decision. You pulled up a new tab on your laptop and started looking at available apartments in the area. Your jaw dropped when you saw how expensive they were. Like how in the hell where you ever going to be able to afford that? You then googled to see how much the average low rank hero makes in Japan. Oof. You knew there was no way your parents would help you. You kind of burned that bridge a long time ago.

You wondered if any of the girls would be interested in rooming with you, but then you remembered you hadn’t really made an effort to get to know anyone outside of Bakugo’s small squad of friends.

You groaned as you continued scrolling through the offensive apartment listings. Bakugo came out in a pair of sweatpants toweling off his blonde hair. 

“Oi… what’s with the angst. What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“Oh you know… the fact that’ll I’ll be homeless this time next week… just casual things.”

The bed squeaked as he landed on the bed beside you, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

You pointed to the webpage, “These are all ridiculously overpriced. I have absolutely no money to my name. How the hell am I supposed to magically have enough to pay rent… or even a deposit?”

Bakugo shrugged, “Is that it? I had just assumed you’d come live with me?”

Your eyes narrowed, “Come live with you? Like with you and your parents? Who I haven’t even met yet because you insist they’re crazy?”

He flicked you between the eyes, “No dumbass. I’ve told you like ten times that I’m moving into a townhouse with Kiri, Deku, and Todorki.” You rubbed the spot he had just flicked, “Actually no… you haven’t. This is the first time I’m hearing about it. I think I would remember if you told me you were going to live with Todoroki and DEKU? DEKU? You hate him!”

“I… I don’t hate him. I just… it’s complicated. Icy hots dad is paying for it on the condition that we all come work for him for the first year or so after graduation.”

You crossed your arms over your chest in a pout. “Well that’s just great. You already have a job, a place to live, and I would just be a mooch. Does that place even allow dogs. What about Mercy? What if I can’t find a job. I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you guys. I wouldn’t want to be a stay at home roommate either… I don’t know even know how to cook. What would…”

Bakugo slapped his hand over your mouth, “Oi what the fuck. Where did all of this insecurity come from?” He cupped his hands around your cheeks and make you look at him. “I have no doubt you will be able to find a job. You have a badass quirk. I know because I struggle to keep up with you on a daily basis. Second you would never be a mooch. I would have no problem with you being a stay at home roommate, wife, mom, whatever. But I know you and I know you wouldn’t be happy with that. Third…. If they’ll accept four idiot guys with destructive quirks then I don’t think they’d care about a dog.. besides I’m sure there’s like laws that would make it impossible from them not too considering he’s part of your quirk.”

You could feel yourself start to relax into his touch. He was right. You were overreacting. “It’s just a little overwhelming you know? Sure I’ve lived here for almost a year, but I’ve been on campus the entire time. Once I leave it feels… I don’t know more real.”

He ran a hand through your hair, “You’re not having any second thoughts are you? Because I’ll tie you to the bed if I have to. I’m not letting you go back to America.”

You giggled, “Oh you wont let me huh? And who said you could stop me?”

He leaned forward until his forehead touched yours, “Like I said before. I’d break every rule to keep you safe. I’m not above kidnaping.”

You gave him a soft peck on the lips, “You really are getting soft babe.”

He rolled his eyes before laying down and pulling you with him to spoon you, “I am not soft! I just so happen to like you more than most people.”

You poked his chest, “Most people? So there’s someone out there you like more than me? Let me guess? All Might? Kiri? Oh I know it’s Deku isn’t it?” It was his turn to groan, “Shut up about Deku already. It’s bad enough were about to be roommates. Just because I may or may not respect him a little more now, does not mean we are friends.”

Bakugo went to fetch Mercy who had been roaming the grounds of UA. Anything to not be near the two of you while you were in heat. You both ended up drifting off as soon as he returned. Finals exams started tomorrow, and you needed all the rest you could get.

The following morning went as usual. Bakugo would sneak out back to his room while you got ready and then return to walk you to class. You felt so amped up today you were practically glowing with energy. It could have been a result of a good night sleep or the fact that you were getting treated right by your boyfriend allll weekend.

Today’s portion of the exam was written. You knew you aced it. And you only cheated twice. You telepathically asked Bakugo two questions, mostly because you couldn’t remember what the words meant in English. He scolded you but helped you anyways. There was no way you could get caught anyways.

The second and third day were practical exams. A lot of basic fitness and quirk demonstration.

Today was the fourth day and today was it was sparing. It was like a mini sports festival except the only people allowed to come were hero agencies looking for new recruits.

You gave it everything you had, you needed to compensate for the fact that your Japanese sucked and honestly your strategy was a little lacking as well. Bakugo was way calmer than expected, but that was probably because he already had a job after graduation. You both make quick work of your sparring opponents until it was just the two of you left.

You stepped up to your side of the mat, Mercy at your heels, “Go ahead and take a break Mercy… I don’t think I’ll need you for this.”

Bakugo’s smirk took over his entire face, “Oh getting cocky already are we?”

You returned his smirk, “You’ve spent close to a year fighting me, and by now I know all of your tricks.” You took a fighting stance, “Besides now..” “I can get in your head.”

Bakugo if only for a moment paled as you lunged. He avoided you at the least second blasting into the air and sending an explosion in your direction. You wanted to do this as long as possible as a human before shifting. You wanted to prove you were more than your quirk. But unfortunately he was just too damn fast.

You closed your eyes to shift. Bakugo knew what was happening, he had seen it hundreds of times. So he used this to his advantage. He went to tackle you right as you shifted. He ended up getting you in a headlock. You bucked trying to get him off. You were reminded of the first time you spared with him. He had done the same thing. He held you in a headlock until you nearly passed out, ordering you to submit.

Well you had come a long way since then. You went on your hind legs like you were about flip onto your back, but instead you shifted back to normal grabbing Bakugo by the hand and flipping him over you. The second he hit the ground you were back in your wolf form. Pressing your massive paws into his chest. “Damn pup. So you want to play it rough huh? I know you heal fast so don’t expect me to go easy on you…” His palm came up and sent an explosion right into your face.

You yelped and jumped off. You could smell your singed fur and it fueled your anger. You both continued to go back and forth until you were on the brink of exhaustion. You only had one trick left up your sleeve. Something you had been working on in private with some of the others. Something Bakugo didn’t even know about.

“Oi come on pup! You that tired already? Where did all that energy go?”

You had learned that if you focus really hard you can force your alpha authority on other people. It’s very brief, a minute at most. But that’s all you needed. You built up what energy you had left and growled at him, giving it all the alpha power you had. You could see his eyes glaze over for a moment, just a moment, but it was enough. You pounced. “SUBMIT”

Bakugo struggled to clear his head… “I… I..sub..” He slapped himself in the face. “NEVER!”

Before either of you could continue Aizawa stepped out and stopped you, “I think that’s enough you two. I think you’ve proven well enough what you are capable of.”

As soon as you both were out of site and in the gym he pulled you aside to an empty hallway and pushed you against the wall. “What the hell was that pup? I’ve never seen you do that before? That was so fucking cool!” He was kissing you now hands reaching down to pick you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and deepened the kiss. You would have kept kissing him too if someone hadn’t cleared their throat.

Both of you broke apart and snapped your heads in the direction of the interruption. Of fucking course, it was Aizawa. “Well I came to congratulate you two and remind you that you have interviews tomorrow. Bakugo yours is more of a formality, but y/n… you have multiple offers as well. One of them being with Endeavor. Apparently, word has reached him that you’ll be living with apprentices and there’s no way he’s not going to try and take advantage of that.” He looked really uncomfortable. “I’m only your teacher for two more days so please… for my health and sanity. Keep it in your pants until then.”

You both waited until he was gone before busting out into laughter. Bakugo kissed the tip of your nose. “Looks like we might be working together.”

You took his hand and headed towards the dorms, “We just might..”

The next day was the interviews. There were several rooms set up with different agencies. In the morning you checked in and received your schedule. Bakugo’s interview with Endeavor was right before yours. You both headed that way. Your phone buzzed when you arrived at the door. The previous person was still in there, so you sat there next to Bakugo as he waited and pulled out your phone.

You had an email from an unknown username. Weird.

When you opened it you felt tears well up behind your eyes. You saw pictures and videos from your time as a vigilante in the states. There was even mug shots. Yes plural, you were arrested multiple times. There was a time you weren’t proud of and you did a lot of stuff that sometimes kept you up at night.

The email read,

Dear y/n, We were very impressed with your performance during your final exam yesterday. The way that you not only kept up with but almost tamed Bakugo Katsuki. Now that is something. We did a little digging and we found some very interesting videos of you. We wonder how your boyfriend would feel if he knew about your body count. How future employers would feel if they knew you had a bit of a villainous streak. We’ll make you a deal… In exchange for these videos never being released…. We need you to do us… a favor. Don’t worry about finding us. We’ll find you. Look forward to talking with you. - LOV

Your palms started to sweat. Bakugo nudged you with his elbow, “Hey you okay pup?”

You shoved your phone in your pocket, “Yeah just a little nervous is all.”

He kissed your forehead, “Don’t worry about it, you’ll do great.”

You nodded as the door opened to signal that it was Bakugo’s turn. “Hey babe, did you mean it when you said you’d burn down the world for me?”

He quirked an eyebrow at you, “Uh yeah… why? You planning on doing something stupid?”

You did everything you could to keep yourself from crying, “No of course not. I’ll leave the stupid behavior to you… Good luck in there. I love you.”

He could feel how heavy your mood got but he didn’t have time to think about it as he was being ushered into his interview. It didn’t sit right with him though. In fact, it bothered him the whole time Endeavor spoke to him. He reached out to you telepathically, “Hey are you sure you’re okay?” No response. His heart started to hammer in his chest. “Y/N!” Again, he was met with silence. He reached out to find your location like you had taught him… and you weren’t there. Bakugo jumped up from his seat and threw the door open.

The hallway was empty, but Mercy was still there… “She left me too…..”

****************************************************************************************

TAGLIST: @tspice283 , @realityisoftendisapointing , @imbi-101 , @thoughtfulpandazine2 , @hotarumorikawa , @huh-iwasntpayingattention , @starfishlovingbnha , @weebnumber3622 , @mixedfeeelings , @munchmunch01 , @inumorph @xxoperatexx 

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//goodbye, my princess. akaashi keiji//

Request:  Throne Room Thursdays yay!! Could I request Knight!Akaashi and Princess!Reader with the prompt “I vowed to your dying father to keep you safe, so get the fuck behind me.”

Warnings: Blood/Violence

Word Count: 1.8K

Notes: This was literally supposed to be like 800 words.  How did I get here? also me shamelessly writing a prologue to my Oikawa fic that went up today O O P S

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  Everything had been peaceful for so long, so why now?  What about the peace treaty?  Did that piece of paper mean nothing?  It had been so long since the first time that you had heard your people’s screams and cries for help.  But, now ten years later, those mournful screams were echoing all around you again.  The clang of metal on metal as swords were swung in a heated battle to save the kingdom.  

They had come in the night, cloaked in inky darkness, to launch their attack.  The loud noise of a projectile coming into contact with the palace gates being the only warning that they had arrived.  And within minutes, he was there.  Just like he always was when there was the threat of danger.  His normally messy black curls looked even wilder as he had been yanked from his sleep.  Those normally tired eyes carried an extra wave of exhaustion, but nothing could mask the looks of distress evident on his face.  Akaashi Keiji had been peacefully sleeping before he was called to do his rounds of duty, but the sudden crash that had the ground shaking beneath his feet had jolted him awake.  The other knights around him were scrambling to get their armor back on.  It was the hurried mannerisms of those around him that had him quickly on his feet, his armor clanking heavily with every step as he ran towards the main section of the castle.  The princess.

Akaashi could see the banner of the Riviere Kingdom rustiling steadily in the breeze of the night.  An enemy no one could’ve anticipated, but here they were, trying to storm the castle anyway.  His heavy hand on your door accompanied his desperate pleas.  “Princess Y/N!  Princess, are you alright?”  He was expecting a lot of things, honestly.  He was expecting you to be fearful, the memories of the last attack plaguing your mind.  He was expecting tears and gentle shakes of your body.  Akaashi, however, was not expecting you to fling yourself onto him when you pulled open the door.  The sudden momentum had him stumbling back, but he still wrapped his arms tightly around you, letting you bury your face into his neck.  “Princess, we’re under attack.  I need to get you to the safe house.”

“What about my parents?  Are they coming with us?”

“No, my princess.  I was given the orders that if this day were to come, look out only for you.  I’m sorry, but I assure you that the other knights will escort them as well.  Come, we don’t have much time.”

And with a slow nod, you took his outstretched hand and let him lead you away, down, down, down spirals of stairs.  From above, the sounds of battle began to intensify, fear halting you in your tracks.  “Princess, I know that you’re worried about the king and queen, but please, we must keep moving,” Akaashi pleads, tugging your hand gently.  

It was only then when the shouts of soldiers began to echo through the darkness that Akaashi Keiji halted in his steps too.  The grip that he had on your hand tightened fiercely, the slowly darkening look on his face was illuminated by the low torch light.  There were heavy footsteps, dozens of them, all coming closer and closer to your very location.  He pushed the torch into your hands, drawing his broadsword from its sheath.  “I need you to make a promise to me, your highness.  From this moment forward, you will do exactly what I say.  If I tell you to run, you run and you will not look back.  If I tell you to hide, you put out that torch and hide.  Don’t come out until I say so, do you understand?  Can you promise me that?”

“Akaashi-”

“It is my duty to protect you at all costs and that is what I’m going to do.  Your life is much more valuable than mine and I will do everything in my power to protect it.  Please, make me this promise, Princess.”

 “I promise, Akaashi, but only if you promise that you will come back to me.  I don’t want to lose you.”

The knight that had been by your side since you were fifteen could feel his heart pounding in his chest.  He had been with you every step of the way and there were times when it felt like more than just a work-only relationship.  The way that you joked around with him while he watched over you during your equestrian lessons, the light punches to his arm when he whispered some snarky remark back to you.  There was so much laughter and joy that encompassed the two of you that this moment was such a startling comparison, but his first priority right now was to keep you safe, not place that long-desired kiss to your plush lips.  “I can’t promise you that, but I swear on my life that I will do what I can to make you happy." 

Your hand reached up to gently stroke his cheek and in the dim lighting Akaashi could still make out the sorrow written in your eyes, unshed tears glistening softly.  This shouldn’t be happening, not now.  You should be asleep, head resting on your down pillows, nestled under your blankets, preparing for another day of lessons and carrying out your other royal duties, but instead he was pulling you through the dark tunnel system beneath the castle in an attempt to get you away from your home that was crumbling to the ground with every passing second.  

“Halt!” A voice barks through the darkness.

“Princess, get behind me,” Akaashi mutters softly, but you were frozen in your spot, body too stiff to even make an attempt to move.  His hand gripped the back of your dress, roughly tugging you back, shielding your body with his own.  “I made a vow to your father and this kingdom to protect you, so get the fuck behind me and when I tell you to run, you need to run, are we clear?”  That sudden icy edge to his voice caught you off guard.  He was normally so gentle, so teasing in all of his remarks, but this was a new side to your knight that you had never seen.  This was your knight in the brink of battle, sword drawn, ready to do whatever he had to do to withhold his job as your protector.  

“Hand over the princess.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Don’t make this difficult on yourself, boy.  You can comply with us or we’ll be forced to do this the messy way, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that.”

“I am Akaashi Keiji, loyal knight to the Gledria Kingdom.  I take orders from my king and my king only and I was ordered to protect the princess no matter the cost, so I guess we’ll have to do this the messy way.”

The Riviere knight clicked his tongue, shaking his head slowly as he pulled his own sword from his sheath.  “Bad choice, boy.”

Akaashi’s sword raised to deflect the incoming blade, the clangs of metal on metal echoing through the tunnel.  A quick shove and a well aimed kick to the center of the chest sent the other man stuttering back, a devilish smirk adorning Akaashi’s lips.  

And it should’ve stayed that way.  The tides should’ve been in his favor.  He was younger, faster, smarter, but the flat of a sword aimed expertly into his side had him doubled over from the pain of the impact, the joints of the armor leaving just a sliver of skin exposed.

But, that was all it took.

It was a sickening sound, really.  The metal piercing through flesh, the sharp breathless gasp escaping Akaashi’s pretty lips as he fell to his knees.  That soft “Run”  that struggled to pass as he just fell further onto the ground, one hand still gripping his sword, trying to fight the best he could, the other pressing firmly into his side to try to stop the blood gushing from the fresh wound.  

But, despite everything he had told you, you couldn’t run.  You couldn’t just leave him here to die alone in a dark tunnel where no one would find him until his corpse started to rot and smell up the entire palace.  “K-keiji-” You whispered, falling to your knees beside him, trying to cradle his body against yours, but you were only shoved away with a firm arm.

“I told you-” he paused, searching for air, “to run.  Please-”

“Then you have to come with me, Keiji, please.  I can’t make it all on my own.  I’ll help you, but please, get up, Keiji.”

He weakly shakes his head, but when you pull his body back towards you, he doesn’t have the strength to oppose.  He knew this day would come.  The day when he would finally be forced to leave you, but he just never expected it to be this soon or to happen like this.  He had always imagined it to be sending you off with a warm smile as you were taken to your new home in the Riviere Kingdom.  Cradled in your arms, bleeding all over your silken nightgown as his vision wavered was the goodbye that he never anticipated.  “I-I’m sorry, my princess.”

“I know, Keiji, I know, but please, don’t speak.  Save your strength so we can run away, okay?”  The sleepy smile graced his features as he gazed up at you, eyelids becoming heavier with each second.  Your hot tears streamed down your cheeks and dripped onto his face.  “Please, stay with me.  I’m not ready to say goodbye.  Keiji, please,” you whisper, desperation creeping into each and every plea that you uttered to your fallen knight.  

It was almost automatic, the way you leaned over him and pressed your lips to his, finally being able to kiss the knight who had been with you through so much.  He released a weak laugh as you pulled away from him.  “What was that for?”

“Because I love you.  I always have.  No one has ever made me smile like you have and no one ever will.  Please, just hold on, Keiji.”

“Well, I hate to ruin this beautiful moment, but seize the princess,” the Riviere knight ordered.  It was only a few seconds, before you felt hands wrap around your upper arms, hoisting you to your feet, letting Keiji’s slowly dying form fall the rest of the way to the ground.  

“What? No! Let me go! Please!” You shout, struggling to escape the tight grip, but no amount of protesting was stopping the soldiers from dragging you away from the scene, your desperate pleas mixed with sobs echoing off the walls and into the dying knights ears.  “Keiji!”

“Goodbye, my princess.”

[slowly-writing]

Part of the Family: Part 8

Avengers x Kid!Reader

Part 1  Part 9

Word Count: 2635

You’re still feeling antsy later that night and you can’t fall asleep. You had texted MJ for a while, but it was late and you didn’t want to keep her up all night. You decided to grab a snack around 1am and saw the TV in the common room was still on. You walk in to turn it off only to see your mom sitting on the couch. She’s staring off in a daze, obviously not watching the movie that’s playing in front of her.

“Hey mom?” You call softly, drawing her attention. “Is everything okay?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, everything’s fine sweetheart,” she smiles at you, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I can tell something’s wrong, you don’t have to tell me what it is but I can sit with you, if that’s alright?” She smiles, a bit more genuinely this time, and pats the spot next to her.

“I’ll always say yes to time with my favorite teenager,” she says and you chuckle softly. She wraps her arm around your shoulder and you sit in silence for a while. You’re half paying attention to the weird action movie when her voice draws your attention. “We had a really hard time on that mission.”

“In Sokovia? What happened?” You ask and you feel her arms tighten around you.

“A lot. It got really bad. I didn’t think we were gonna make it out.” You stiffen slightly and look up at her to see her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I thought it was over, and all I could think about was that I was leaving you alone again. Wanda, she has these powers. She made us see things, our greatest fear I guess. She didn’t know what she was doing, she thought she was on the right side. But I saw you. You were all alone again and scared and then it almost happened. One mission and you almost lost your whole family in one fell swoop.”

“I wouldn’t have made it,” you say softly as her tears start to fall.

“I like to think you would. But these missions…they’re not a joke, y/n. Things get dangerous really fast. All you want to do is help, use the gifts you have for good, and I love you for it. Seeing your face when you came back from that first mission, I think that was the proudest moment of my life. Knowing that my daughter was so happy to be able to help people, I like to think I did something right to help you become that way. In that moment, all I wanted to do was send you on every mission that I could, see that joy in your eyes and see the good you could do in this world,” she smiles at you as she wipes the tears.

“So many of our missions are running in and out of bases with barely anybody there. We knock a few people out, grab what we need, and leave with barely a scratch. I forget how dangerous this job is but then I go on missions like this and I remember what we’re really up against. I remember it’s not always Hydra agents who think they’re saving the world or stupid kids who think on the right side of the fight they know nothing about. It’s people who are truly evil, people who want to destroy this world and will go right through us to do it. I remember why I didn’t want you to go on missions in the first place.” Her voice cracks and you take her hand.

“When we decided to go down with the ship… I hated myself for leaving you alone, but it was okay. Because at least you weren’t there. None of us were coming home, but you weren’t part of that. You’d make it out. That’s why I don’t want you out there. I need you to be okay.” She finishes and you sit in silence for a few moments before you respond.

“I know you want me to stay safe, mom. And I get it, but that isn’t a choice I can really make anymore. I was talking to dad earlier, about what these…powers I guess, have taken from me, and it’s a lot. I can’t be normal anymore and that sucks. If I could flip a switch and get rid of them, sometimes I think I would. But I can’t, so here we are.” You say softly.

“By any semblance of logic I shouldn’t be here. Some scientists in a lab decided to play God and I’m the product of it. That shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I somehow got here and got in a position where I can do a lot of good. And that’s a really scary spot to be in. I think all of us can agree on that. No matter what the moment was, we all had a moment where we questioned if we were right for this job. If we were good enough to be what people think we are,” you say, trying to put into words the thoughts that have been swirling around your head since Fury showed up all those years ago.

“None of us know when our time is going to come. I could walk outside tomorrow and get hit by a car, and that could be it. Well… I don’t think a car could do it, a train maybe,” you joke and you hear your mom laugh lightly. “My point is, we don’t know what’s waiting for us, but we do know we can do a lot of good before it comes. I didn’t ask for these powers, but I got them, and when you can do the things that we can do and you don’t, and then bad things happen, they happen because of you.”

“When did you get to be so smart?” Your mom teases and you smile, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“I had the smartest Avenger as a mother, a little was bound to rub off on me.” She smiles and kisses the top of your head.

“You going out there still really scares me,” she says softly and you smile.

“It scares me too. Anytime any of us put on our suits and walk out the door I’m afraid of what’s waiting. But if we let that fear stop us, then those guys win. We can’t stop everyone, and one day one of us is bound to go down. It’s just statistics. We can only cheat death so many times before it catches up. But if they don’t go through us, they’re going to go through a lot of innocent people who can’t do anything to stop it. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

“I get it, I’ll let you go on the next mission,” your mom says and you laugh. “I love how much you care. Never let go of that, love.”

“I’ll do my best.”

xxxxx

“Hey Wanda, so as you saw I kinda don’t have my bike anymore and therefore I can’t drive us to school today,” you say sheepishly at breakfast the next morning. “It’s like 5 miles, we can jog there if we leave soon, get some extra conditioning in? I don’t really know if your powers work that way but-”

“That sounds good to me,” she cuts you off with a smile and you nod, calming yourself down a bit. Maybe it’s the leftover emotions from the day before, a lot happened, but you’re still really antsy.

“Hey mom? Can you pick us up after school? I don’t wanna make MJ walk that far,” you ask her and she pauses.

“How long have you been driving her around on that bike without a helmet?” she asks and you wince.

“Since...uh, since you started letting me drive it to school,” you say softly and she rolls her eyes.

“Seriously, y/n? And you never got pulled over?” she asks in disbelief.

“Well…I may have gotten pulled over once but when the cop saw the last name on my license he apologized and let me go?” you say and Tony immediately starts laughing.

“He apologized?” he asks through his laughter and you nod.

“Perks of the entire NYPD respecting the hell out of your parents and also being simultaneously terrified of both of them.”

“So, really this is your fault,” Tony says to your parents who both glare.

“How is that our fault, Stark?” Steve asks.

“Well, you’re the ones who adopted the kid and made her famous,” Tony says and Natasha rolls her eyes.

“Not like we had much of a choice. We avoided it for as long as we could,” she says and you furrow your brow.

“I’m going to choose to ignore how much that makes it sound like you regret adopting me,” you say softly and your mom immediately jumps up and walks over to you.

“No, y/n. That is not at all what I meant. I was talking about everybody knowing who you are. I have never for a second regretted adopting you, okay? I love you so much.” You nod at her.

“I guess you couldn’t have dad carry me away from movie theaters forever. Anyways, about that ride?” you ask, wanting to change the subject and she smiles apologetically.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I leave for a mission in a few hours,” she says and you nod looking at Clint.

“I’m going with her,” he says and you sigh.

“Dad? Can you pick us up?” you ask.

“Sorry, doll. I have a meeting with Fury this afternoon.”

“Tony?” he shakes his head.

“Bruce?” He makes a similar gesture and you groan.

“There’s 800 people living in this tower and not one of them can pick me up from school?” you hear Wanda laughing and you glare before she covers it with a fake cough.

“You run a 2 minute mile and bench press 600 pounds. Pick her up and run here, lazy,” Clint says and you roll your eyes.

“I may just do that,” you say getting up to leave.

xxxxx

“Hey, how are you doing today?” MJ asks as you jog up to school and you smile and pull her into your arms.

“Is it too cheesy if I say better now that you’re here?” you ask and she rolls her eyes.

“Yes. It is much too cheesy, so don’t say it,” she says, but you can see how she’s smiling slightly.

“Got it,” you say softly before heading inside. When you walk through the doors you see Flash standing in front of Peter and you immediately glare. You’re getting really sick of his games. You see Flash push him and Peter stumbles into a row of lockers, trying not to give away his powers. In reality it probably had very little effect on him, but that’s not the point. You storm over and grab the straps of Flash’s backpack, slamming him against the lockers he just pushed Peter into. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t beat the shit out of you right now, Thompson,” you growl and his eyes go wide. “Please, you always have something to say so why don’t you tell me why you deserve to walk free after how you’ve been treating Peter? That kid has been nothing but kind to everybody here, so tell me, why should you get away with how you treat him?”

“Y/n it’s okay,” you hear Peter saying next to you but you don’t back off.

“You see that? Even after the way you treat him he still comes to your defense,” you say, your voice dangerously quiet as you push him harder into the lockers. He’s too afraid to even speak.

“Y/n, calm down,” you feel MJ put a hand on your shoulder and you exhale slowly.

“If I EVER catch you messing with him again, you and I are gonna be right back here. And you won’t be walking away next time. Do I make myself clear?” you say and he nods, “I said do I make myself clear!”

“Yeah-yes. I’ll leave him alone,” he says and you hold him for a second, trying to convince yourself to let him go.

“Good. Now stay the hell away from my family,” you say, dropping him after a few seconds and he immediately runs away. You turn around and see everyone in the hallway staring at you and your breathing starts to pick up again. Your eyes flit around until you find the familiar brown ones that never fail to calm you down.

“What do you need?” MJ asks quietly as your eyes meet.

“I need to get out of here. Now.” She nods her head and grabs your hand, leading you towards the bathroom and closing the door behind you. You immediately sink down against the wall, pulling your knees up to your chest and holding your head in your hands, trying to control your breathing.

“Hey, look at me,” your eyes shoot up to where MJ is crouched in front of you. “Just take deep breaths with me, slow deep breaths. There you go, you’re okay y/n. Everything’s okay,” you let her voice calm you down as you catch your breath.

“Okay, I’m okay,” you say, moving to get up but she takes your hand.

“Just take a minute, there’s no rush. Just give yourself a minute to calm down,” you nod your head and she sits with you until you’re ready to go to class.

xxxxx

“You’re kidding me, right?” MJ asks and you raise an eyebrow at her.

“You wanna walk 5 miles?” she shakes her head, “Didn’t think so, hop on.”

“This is ridiculous,” MJ says as you crouch to give her a piggyback ride. You had put your homework in Wanda’s bag and stashed yours in your locker so it didn’t get in the way.

“Well it’s our only option until I get my bike back, speaking of there’s a motorcycle shop on the way home, can we stop and buy a new helmet?” you ask and they both agree.

Twenty minutes later you’re slowing to a stop in front of the tower, “see it wasn’t that bad!”

“Everyone was staring!” MJ argues and you roll your eyes.

“I’m Black Widow and Captain America’s kid. People stare at us no matter what we’re doing.”

“Whatever,” MJ says taking the black helmet out of your hands, “I’ll give this back to you next week, okay?”

“Uh, sure. Why?” you ask a little confused.

“You’ll see,” she says with a smirk and you just shrug before unlocking the door.

xxxxx

“I finally got the bike back,” you say, spinning the keys around your finger, “you don’t have to be embarrassed anymore.”

“About damn time,” MJ teases pushing off your locker, the new helmet in hand. “I brought your helmet back.

“Oh no, you can have the new one, I’ll take the old one,” you offer and she rolls her eyes.

“Stop being chivalrous for five seconds and look at it, Romanoff-Rogers,” she says shoving it towards you. You turn it over in your hands and see your shield on the back.

“You painted this?” you ask and she nods with a grin. You smile at her briefly before pulling her by the waist and crashing your lips into hers. She freezes for a second before placing her hand on your neck and kissing you back.

“Finally!” Peter yells and you pull away.

“You have really shit timing Parker,” you groan before looking down at MJ.

“I guess that means you like it?” she says with a smile and you grin.

“I love it,” you say before pulling her in again.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @freerebel @prizmix-and-friends

series tag list: @hannahsairwave @niquey-salvatore @ibe-anne

[thrivingandsurviving]

What is this...--08/26/2021

Last night when I got to bed around 4 A.M. I started to get really emotional. Even more so when he turned over and held onto me. I started to tear up and just slowly fell asleep.  You can love someone so much but know deep down that it isn’t working.  When we first started talking he told me, “You are so beautiful, you seem too good to be true.”  I guess, having health issues, student loan debt, and wanting a baby...Broke that illusion he had of me.  Since being with him, I’ve noticed how my mental state keeps going down, and becoming worse… Since my miscarriage...Even worse… That it’s all my fault. That mindset can’t leave me, it got engraved in there because of me being with him. Every promise he makes, breaks. His words mean nothing. Especially when he twists them when he is fighting with me and he makes me feel like I’m the insane one. I had to write out what goes into my head, or what he says to me, to help me leave this darkness I have going on with my soul.---It currently has thirty-three to it:

GET a better job

YOU NEED TO MAKE more money

DO MORE

YOU NEED TO DO BETTER

If YOU can barely do XYZ, why would I think you deserve marriage? A Kid even?

You don't meet the "Credit Score" level to be Wifey material

JUST WAIT until Spring…(Spring is gone… Summer is almost over)

I work outside all day, YOU need to work full-time and clean the House full-time bc I pay the house bill- But I pay for gas and electricity...Doesn't matter.

YOU'RE too far into debt for us to be able to do anything

YOU'RE TOO BROKEN

If YOU WANT special food(recommended by doctor),buy it yourself.

I don't Twist words, You're making it all up.

Why are you so selfish?

I don't guilt you 

I don't gaslight, do you even know what gas lighting means?

I want us to be more physical like blow jobs, hand jobs, to see if I can finally get you off…-- Why don't you touch me?--- Bc I'm scared and you complain too much…You're just not listening to me...No I am… Then why won't you do what I say? --i've never had this issue before…

I'm scared if I told you I don't want a kid you'll leave me…. Yes I will bc I'm almost 30 and You're wasting away my fertility

When YOU want to try for a baby, you'll have to be on top only(again me doing all of the work)

Hey if you're breaking down let's talk- He ends up talking over me and that's it… and thinks I'm A-OK the next day and makes remarks that puts me down, "Jokingly."

YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BE BROKEN

Who is going to help you? Because I won't. YOU still owe me $800. 

I'M TOO SCARED TO COME TO MY BOYFRIEND

I FEEL ALL ALONE

I don't have family near me

My only "best" friend no longer talks to me…. 

I have a learning disability since birth-repetition is my friend

I was denied financial aid…. Because I had 79 Credits…

I have to wait 4 weeks to see an update…for my APPEAL for Financial Aid.

The bathroom was supposed to get done in the winter. Well if you want it done,how about YOU CALL people to get it done

I'm trying to organize, can you help me…. You're only trying to organize because you want a baby…. That would be a perk, however I want to go through all of my stuff and you'll get your garage back to normal too.

Wear makeup, show yourself off more, you don't make an effort anymore.

Why can't you be more like Courtney(Stay at home mom who doesn’t have a job)

…"because Complex wordplay is too hard for you"

[thatonegirlcalledtoxic]

This is my suicide story.

I was taken in by the officers called to check on me. They came, called by my concerned best friend who didn’t want to lose me. They asked repetitive questions that increased my anxiety. A ciclical array of query’s all in an attempt to coax me into saying outloud I was suicidal. Little did I know that once I’d said it outloud, I had just relinquished all personal freedom.

I was taken to my local hospital in the back of an ambulance where an EMT assistant, in an attempt to make conversation and fill the sound of my muffled sobs, started listing all the (material) reasons to live. As she ran on her fatuous listings very quickly mutated from all the reasons you should live to her explanation of how her job made her feel better about herself and that’s why she’s alive. After a vapid ride I’d later have to spend $800 on, I was sat in a busy ER while nurses threw looks of distain on my sob swollen face. Sat in the hall of the ER I waited for my badge weilding handlers to pass over my paperwork and tried not to continue sobbing. I thought about how crazy I must look. I thought about how insane I felt, With every fiber, I felt crazy. How every face that walked by was laden with pity or distain. I thought about my father in the waiting room and the guilt that splayed my heart strings like a harpsichord and plucked each like a masterful bard.

As if turning a coin between ones fingers, I rolled a train of thought through my mind. I thought about what one of the officers had told me as he walked me handcuffed to an ambulance. He talked about his brother, how he’d committed suicide and how he never wanted any one else to feel that pain. He continued on about how much his brother was loved and I absorbed his words. I know guilt wasn’t his intention, his words were meant to affirm my worth, but I weighed his words as I sat in this 1990s hospital chair, I couldn’t help but feel like a prisoner weighing their shackles. It’d been ten minutes. I thought about my situation from both sides, from his side I seemed selfish and confused. Turning up the good and happy things in my life, in choice of self pity. Refusing to recognize that there were people in my life who cared. To him, I was seeking attention. I flipped the coin. To me, he was ignorant. Thinking any of my actions were made without the full consideration of the people in my life. That’s why I’m here. I tiptoe. I appease. I always have. I make sure everyone else is happy. Maybe that’s why people like me seem so selfish, because others have become accustomed to our accommodation. I live with a mind that doesn’t stop and considers all. I know exactly what I’m doing with every step I take. I’ve already contemplated the consequences. I’m not seeking attention, I seeking some sort of confirmation that I’m normal. And even if I’m not, that it’s still okay.

I turned the coin over in my mind. Both sides made sense. Both sides seemed right, just one stung a little more. I looked at the ER exit. I could walk out. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve walked out. It’d been thirty minutes. After some prodding by the officers to get a nurse to check me in, they finally gave me an arm band and put me in a room. The lady who checked me in rolled through the conversation like a checklist, take off my clothes and jewelry, yes it had to come with her, no I couldn’t keep my phone, yes even my underwear, yes she had to check my personal ‘areas’ in case I had drugs on me, yes I had to pee into the cup, yes I had to get blood work, yes I had to stay over night, no I wasn’t allowed my rosary.

It felt so casual to her. I finally asked when my father could come in and see me, I told her I was afraid and I wanted him by my side. She said she’d send him back ASAP and that if I needed anything else just ask. I asked for a cup of water, she smiled and said not a problem. An hour went by.

I got out of bed and started pacing, I couldn’t physically keep laying in a hospital bed where my shivers of fear were so violent the vibrations of my rib cage shook the bed. I paced. Wondering where my father was. Had he not come? Did he not care? How insane did I look? Why was everyone treating me like a hollow egg? Why couldn’t I have Advil for my migraine? Where was the nurse with the water? Never once had it registered to use the call button. Instead, a nurse noticed my pacing and came to check on me. But “checking on me” is a gentle way to say, she told me to stop pacing before they restrained me to the bed. I stopped. And began to cry as I asked her to please get my father, that he would be in the waiting room. She said she would and turned, leaving the curtain open to the hall, where a very drunk and injured man looked at me like a museum exhibit or a circus show. I was on display. I shut the curtain and laid down. My shaking only got worse. She checked on me several more times. Never once did my father come back, nor did she ever come with a cup of water. Another hour went by.

I rang the call button, hoping for the cup of water I’d oh so gently and politely asked for. By this point, I’d come to the conclusion that my father had not come at all and that my anxiety was right. I really wasn’t loved. My depression worsened to the point I began to search the room for anyway to kill myself. They didn’t have a heart monitor on me. They wouldn’t realize. I spent another hour searching.

The doctor strode in asking why I was there. As I explained why, his face twisted, mouth pursing, as he listened to a healthy 23 year old explain why she wanted so desperately to die. The hardships, the harassment, the rapes, and the stress, I unraveled my life in front of this 50 year old man. To have him look at me, and tell me that life gets better eventually, and that doing this was selfish. My heart hardened. He didn’t care. I was just a part of his job, I quieted and let him check on my vitals. He remarked about how quick my heart beat was and how unhealthy that was. I laughed. As he finished up and left the room, he asked if I wanted anything else. I looked him in the eye and said I’d been without water for three hours and my father was supposed to be waiting for me in the waiting room but he’d not come back. That I would cause a scene if I did not find out if he was there or not, and that I would make every nurses life and ever living hell on a very busy night. I just wanted to know if he was there. The doctors eyes widened when he realized I was dead serious. Five minutes later my father came back with my younger brother. They both held me as I cried. It was the most relief I’d felt all night. Five minutes after that my water came. I’d later pay $300 for that interaction with the doctor. It would later become the only worthwhile thing I was billed for.

I told my father what had happened, and silently we agreed to get out that night, by any means. My brother still sobbing, told me how scared he was sitting in the waiting room, how neither one were sure if I was dead or alive or somewhere in between. I hugged him tightly and told him I was alright now that they were there, and that was the truth. In comparison to how I felt at the beginning of the night, I was on cloud nine! They’d broken me in to the point of compliance, but I refused to stay overnight and my father and brother agreed. Our goal now was to leave together, no matter what. With my father by my side, a seemingly stable person, he flagged a nurse and asked for the dr and another cup of water. The water came quicker this time, and soon after came the doctor, my father asked what the options were and I stayed quiet. We silently worked together. The doctor told us that someone would be in to do a mental evaluation and that depending on that we’d be allowed to leave together, he left shorty after. Me and my dad came to a silent agreement, we’d lie. Another hour went by.

Finally a very disheveled man in slacks carrying a hospital laptop stumbled into my room. He introduced himself to me and started on a seemingly endless list of asinine questions pertaining to my life. As he continued his interrogation, I realized half of my problem were finances. I was underpaid and overworked, straight out of college with nothing but 3 full years experience in my field and a degree in biology. Making 29k a year. He kept going, asking whether I had a support system, asking questions about hobbies and likes. Unbeknownst to me, he was creating what they call an “emergency plan” so when I found myself in these stressful circumstances again, I’d be able to look at a list of things that included, cats, warm cups of tea, and playing sims 4, to find MEANING AND PURPOSE in these small material objects and actions. So that, next time I found myself encompassed by existential dread and nihilism brought on my the inability to support myself with a degree, I could remind myself, “WAIT! These trivial things you find nice when happy exist! Don’t you want to remind yourself that your depression keeps you from partaking in anything you enjoy!?!” For the record. You never look at your emergency plan the second time around. You don’t remember it exists until you’re cleaning out your files.

As he went on with his question, me and my father were poised and prepared. No there were no guns available to me (there were). Yes I would be going home with my father where I would be watched for at least 3 days (I went to my apt where my little brother and I cried and watched movies). All of these queries effortlessly answered and accounted for. He told me my antidepressants were probably too high a dose and that I should stop taking them. He tried setting up appointments for therapy, but those never materialized as I realized most therapy centers were open on normal business days, when the average person works. No appointment ever materialized and instead he handed me a card for a care center and he wished me the best. Soon a nurse would arrive with my clothing and jewelry. I redressed and we walked out together. A week later I’d go through something called ‘antidepressant withdrawal syndrome’, not realizing that, similar to heroin or meth, I was using an artificial serotonin to replace something I didn’t naturally produce. And so I went through drug withdrawal for about a week. I felt like I had the flu, I would throw up but my stomach still hurt. I was shaking and sobbing. I had a headache that lasted 3 days straight. I couldn’t sleep, during that time, and even began to hallucinate. I never told anyone about that, I was too afraid to go back and be treated like I was insane.

I went back two months later for a second suicide attempt that landed me in a psych ward this time. Sadly not much was different this time. Except that the nurses that tried harder to make you not feel like a prisoner. But nothing was different. I discovered direct behavioral therapy and applied it to my life but I only got a book to walk through tough times with. It’s helpful, but only as long as you remember to use it.

I wish I had a nice ending for this.. I almost want to make one up, to say that I never thought about ending my life again! That after I went to the hospital my life dramatically changed for the better and I became a neurotypical member of society. But I’d be lying. Mental healthcare hasn’t improved, One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest only showed the rampant medical abuse in mental healthcare, but fundamentally what did it change? When we have people in positions of care and power who believe themselves fundamentally better than others because of biology, we will never improve. People have a right to be sad and suicidal without being treated like they’re insane for doing so. The system is set up to break people and keep them in their place, never asking for better, and never allowing them to willingly die. I don’t have a solution to this problem, I just think more people need to know how their depressed brothers and sisters are treated by others. We’re not selfish. We are people. And we want to live. Not as cogs in a machine but as people. I’m just tired. I’m tired of police performing mental health check ups. I’m tired of doctors acting like you can’t make decisions for yourself because you’re stressed. My heart hurts and races thinking about how many people were where I was but who didn’t have someone “sane” to help them get out. How many tried once and gave up and resigned to suicide being the only real option, except now they know to keep quiet about it. Our mental healthcare system isn’t a solution. It’s a very real problem. That we need to change.

[littlemisslovelovelove3]

If this comes across your dashboard, just ignore it. I’m stressing out but it’s 4am and everyone I could normally talk to is sleeping, so I’m basically using this as a digital venting session/journal entry because it’s easier than digging out all my actual journaling stuff.

I don’t know what’s going on with me tonight but I’m feeling very off. I’m feeling an intense urge to cry like I haven’t felt in years despite nothing of importance happening. And not like “aww I’m a little sad” but like “I want to sob like the love of my life just died” cry. The ugly, splotchy face, runny nose, can’t catch your breath kind of crying session that dominated my childhood. (I had a very good childhood- I was just hella dramatic and still am. I was never a weeper, I was an all out crier)

My sleep schedule has been fucked up for like the 300th time this year where I am wide awake all night and sleeping all day, or at least some variation of that. I’m so tired all the time but there have been more nights this year than any other year in recent memory that I’ve struggled this much with sleep. I used to be out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and now it’s not uncommon for me to be wide awake at 8am having not gone to sleep at all. And I’m sure not seeing a decent amount of sunshine isn’t helping, but once I finally manage to pass out, I’m out. It’s not always restful, but it’s better than no sleep at all.

I’m struggling to focus on anything for a decent length of time- I’ve bought an ~obscene~ number of books, started half a dozen of them and none of them are holding my interest. I used to be able to fly through 800 page books in under 2 days and now I can’t even read a 472 page book in 3 weeks. I’ve read some fan fiction to see if that will help my reading slump but it’s been touch and go on those too.

I’ve tried watching tv and with the exception of the few shows I watch at night with my mother, I’ve been unable to get through any new or currently started shows. I restarted Rizzoli & Isles and haven’t been able to make it through the first season of a whopping 10 episodes. I’m beyond behind on Doctor Who, I lost interest in my favorite show of all time Buffy the Vampire Slayer, stopped Angel and haven’t been able to get through episode 2 of The Queen’s Gambit. Even picking a tv show has been hard. I was never good at making simple decisions before but now I’m hopeless.

The only movies I’ve watched lately are with my mom or the kids movies I watch with my friend’s son that I nanny for part time. He’s a great kid and I live him like he was my own, but I can’t watch The Addams Family one more time. It’s great but damn kid pick one of the other 50,000 available options.

I scroll through social media a lot but even that bores me. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, tiktok, Snapchat- none hold my attention for very long. Except maybe tiktok because I’m pretty sure it’s digital crack but sometimes even it bores me.

I’ve been awful about going to the gym. I used to go 4-6 times a week and lately it’s been once a week and only because I pay for a group session with a trainer. It’s literally me and 1-3 other women depending on the day. And I can feel myself losing endurance, muscle and strength.

We aren’t going home for Christmas and while I absolutely understand why, I’m incredibly devastated that I won’t see my sisters, their families and my extended family this year. Sure I saw my one sister and her family in June but there’s something about going home for Christmas that is always extra special to me. We’re (my parents, brother and I) are going to miss out on my nephew’s second Christmas and the first one he’ll be able to really enjoy. He was 4 weeks at his first Christmas so he basically slept the whole time. We already missed his first birthday and while we’ve FaceTimed a bunch, it’s not the same.

And I was really hoping to see my grandpa, but he’s 91 and I could never forgive myself if I exposed him to covid. But I’m also scared about the very real possibility of never getting to see him again. His wife, my grandmother died 2 years ago and if I had known that the last time I saw her was the last time, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter and told her how much I love her. I miss her every day. I catch myself still calling the house “their home” or “grandma and grandpa’s”. Calling it “grandpa’s” still feels foreign to me. The idea that I’ll be missing Christmas with my dad’s family for the first time in my life is not sitting well with me.

My head gets it- there’s a fucking pandemic raging and traveling is ill advised but my heart doesn’t care, as melodramatic as it sounds. It’s like my body wants to go home to my hometown and back to where I grew up like it’s somehow going to be a source of comfort. Even though it’s not the same as it was when I lived there. I moved away 5 years ago and it kept on growing and changing despite my naïve belief it would stay the same.

So basically I’m feeling incredibly nostalgic and stressed. My anxiety is raging and I’m pretty sure the antidepressant my psychiatrist prescribed me isn’t doing much. I’m not having dark thoughts like I was in the spring when I first started seeing him, but I still don’t feel like myself. I’m also unemployed which is definitely not helping matters. I have savings and live with family but that’s not a long term solution. But my family is all high risk for covid and there aren’t many jobs around me right now that a) pay enough and b) can limit exposure.

If it weren’t wildly inappropriate I’d drive myself to my friend’s house right now and go snuggle his dog and/or cat right now, because honestly I feel like that would help. But I’ll wait until the morning when he’s at work so I don’t scare the shit out of him. Full disclosure if you’ve actually been reading this and made it this far- I’ve been given a key and explicit permission to go to his house and squeeze his pets. Tomorrow I might actually take him up on the offer. I may even bring the dog back to my place, which again, I’ve been given permission to do.

Adult friendships are weird y’all. My friends and I all have keys or security codes to each other’s homes and using them happens on a more frequent basis than I would’ve anticipated. My house has become the Friday night landing zone for after work (for them) drinks, relaxation and occasionally dinner. Which is so foreign to me because for the last couple years all my friends lived in other cities and/or states, so actually being even somewhat social again has been jarring. Between not having friends nearby and the damn pandemic it’s been really really fucking weird.

I’m sure the pandemic is a major reason I’m feeling so out of sorts, but it’s not going away any time soon and I feel like I need to figure out some of my shit or at least find some healthy ways of coping to survive. Not anything crazy- I’m not suicidal- I’m just super dramatic and also realize that I don’t want my anxiety and depression to keep controlling me like it feels like it has been. I’m big on needing to feel like I’m in control even the littlest bit, so this whole situation is making me feel very unbalanced and I’m not a fan.

And now that I’ve at least written this out I’m actually feeling somewhat better. The stress is still here but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming as it did earlier. It helped I cried while writing about my grandmother. One day I hope I won’t get overly emotional when thinking about or talking about her, but I’m ok with that being not today.

It’s kinda cliché but the whole “it’s ok to not be ok” mantra is really accurate for me right now. I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world feeling overwhelmed right now with everything going on and I certainly won’t be the last.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Words Can’t Describe...

Characters: Chris Evans x Reader, minor characters

Word Count: 1,651

Warnings: just fluff, super sweet Chris, skiing injury

Summary: You and Chris are high school sweethearts. You’ve been through every up and downs there are, and right now, you need him for a really big down.

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me. 

This is the December 15th fic for my 25 Days of RPF Christmas and prompt: “you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”

I am doing an 800 Follower Challenge and it would be awesome if you participated! It’s still going on!

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Chris Evans became a lot of your firsts in life: first kiss, first time you had sex, first time you slowed dance together, first date, and so many more firsts you hold dearly to your heart. He is your high school sweetheart, and everyone who knew you two knew you would be together forever. Being with someone since high school is so much more intimate than anything you’ve ever experienced. Chris knows your ups and downs, has seen you at your worst and at your best, knows what you like and what you don’t like, etc. Some might think it’s annoying to have someone who knows you so well, but it works for you two.

There isn’t a holiday you haven’t spent apart except for the summer of 2009 when he went to film The Losers that came out in April of 2010. You couldn’t spend the 4th of July with him which sucked, but he was happy doing what he loves on yet another film set. You’re so proud of what he’s accomplished and the person he’s become. He’s been through so much and has gotten you through so much in your life, you don’t think you can ever repay him.

There was one time at Thanksgiving when you were supposed to cook the meal for your entire family. Chris’ and your family were coming over to your house for the big celebration. You love hanging out with his family since they are so welcoming and inviting, but there was one small issue you forgot to mention to them when they appointed you the cook: you can’t cook.

You thought you would try it this year to prove to your family you’re more than capable of living on your own. They always did the grunt work for you, but it’s your time to do things for yourself. Chris usually does the cooking, but he’s out with his friends right now, and you don’t want to pull him away from that. He doesn’t get to see them often, so you have to pull yourself together if you’re going to cook this dinner.

Seven pots and pans, one burned ham, and several fried asparagus later, and you’re about to have a mental breakdown in the middle of your kitchen. Chris is coming home soon, yours and his family not long after that, and you’re not even close to being done. The turkey is the only thing you know how to cook since you slather on some spices and throw it in the oven. It’s the only thing you know how to not fuck up.

“Y/N, you home?” Chris asked when he entered the house. He could smell the food burning, but he knows how important this is to you so he decided not to comment on it.

“In here,” you whimpered. Chris enters and sees you in tears at the ruined food all around you. “I can’t do it. I fucked everything up, the turkey is in the oven, but I bet it’s fucked up too.”

“Hey, there is no reason to get upset. Not everyone knows how to cook,” he cooed and brought you into his arms for a reassuring hug.

“Our families are going to be here soon! What am I going to do? They expect a full feast when they get here!”

“Then that’s what they’re going to come home to. We can fix this,” he said positively. You give him a pointed look with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, I can fix this. Just clear out some of these pans and I’ll do the rest.”

“I can’t even cook a simple meal,” you sighed and started clearing out some of the dishes.

“Not everyone can. You’re good at a lot of things, just not cooking. But that’s okay because lucky for you, I love cooking. I’ll even let you help me. Don’t worry, I’ll be right here to oversee everything.”

“I love you,” you managed to smile.

“I love you too. Now, we have two hungry families coming over, so we need to get started right away.”

He saved that Thanksgiving and prevented it from becoming ruined for good. Both families arrived to a table full of food. It was a bitch to clean up, but you and Chris had fun. He’s saved your ass so many times, but you have your fair share of saving as well. Like, for instance, two years ago, Chris got pulled over for speeding and was arrested for it. Luckily this didn’t get out to any news outlet, so you were able to keep it on the down-low. He called you from the station to help him get bail, which of course, you did.

Chris looked so beaten up in the tiny holding cell he’s been sitting in for the past two hours. You were pulled from a work event to come get him, but you were glad to be pulled away. That work event was such a snooze fest. As soon as he saw you, his eyes lit up in hope you would come get him, but you could still see the shame behind that.

“Do you realize how fast he was driving?” the officer in charge told you once you greeted him. “70 in a 45. I should have him arrested for a federal offense.”

“No, please. Look, I know what he did was bad, but no one got hurt. Isn’t that the most important thing? At least he wasn’t driving on a crowded street. It was a back road, and there wasn’t a car around for miles.”

“Y/N,” the officer sighed.

“Please let him go. He’s not off the hook, believe you me. He’s sleeping on the couch tonight. Look, he won’t do it again. I’ll make sure of it,” you promised. Anyone who knows you knows that you can be stern and mean if you wanted to, which usually meant you got what you wanted.

“If I pull him over again, then I’m arresting him and he’ll have to go to court,” the officer sighs and takes out his keys.

“Yes, that’s fine. He won’t do it again. Thank you so much,” you sighed in relief. The officer let out your boyfriend with a glare, and you had to drag Chris out of the police station angrily.

“How did you get him to let me go?”

“That’s my uncle you dumbass. 70 in a 45? What the hell were you thinking?” you gritted out as both of you got into the car.

That was a tough situation to be in since you didn’t want to use the family excuse to have him let go scot-free. The good news is that Chris never sped again and has been a really good driver ever since. That, and you did most of the driving anyway. There’s a ton of other things you and Chris have gone through, but what you’re going through now has got to be the worst of the worst.

He took you skiing a few weeks ago, and you ended up hurt pretty badly. So badly, that you had to stay in the hospital for two months, which means you will be missing Christmas. It’s your favorite holiday since you have a ton of kids on your mom’s side that you love spoiling. It’s not Chris’ fault you wiped out so badly, but you’re angry with yourself that you thought you could do something you knew your body wasn’t ready for. You wanted to show off for Chris and look where you ended up.

It’s bad enough you’ll be missing Christmas with your family, but Chris got called to do some interviews and press events over the holiday. If it was any other time, he would have said no, but you made him take it since you’re going to be stuck in the hospital for a long time. You’ve been in and out of sleep for the past few weeks from the morphine they are giving you, so you’re not exactly sure who’s been coming and going, and who drops off what. What you do know is that when you went to sleep your room looked like a normal hospital room.

When you woke up, it was a whole different story.

Different colored Christmas lights hung from the ceiling, a small plastic tree with fake snow littered the top. The tree was decorated with white lights and small Christmas decorations. Christmas stickers are plastered on the windows, and a small section of the corner was covered with presents.

“What the hell?” you mumble.

“You’re up,” Chris grins from the other side of the room. It takes a few seconds for you to register that he's here, and a grin pops on your face because of it.

“You’re back. I thought you were in Florida.”

“I was, but I came back here. I hate leaving you on such an important holiday so I canceled everything that was planned to spend Christmas here with you.”

“You did that for me?” you squeak. “You did all of this for me?”

“You’re in the hospital for the holidays, so I came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room. I love you. Merry Christmas,” he smiles and plants a kiss to your smooth cheek.

“I love you so much,” you start to cry.

“No, don’t cry.”

“These are happy tears. I don’t know what I would do without you. I can’t imagine my life without you, Christopher Robert Evans.”

“Then you’re lucky I stuck around all these years, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N,” he jokes. He sees how tired you are, so he takes a seat next to your bed and picks up a book you didn’t realize was on the table next to you. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Okay,” you whisper and let yourself fall asleep knowing you’re always going to be caught when you fall.

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[musicallisto]

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

[dipulb3]

How the pandemic has changed Americans' spending and saving habits

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/how-the-pandemic-has-changed-americans-spending-and-saving-habits/

How the pandemic has changed Americans' spending and saving habits

Appradab Business asked readers how the pandemic has changed their spending and saving habits. Here’s what some of them had to say.

Paul Grim described himself and his wife, Michelle, as “more savers than spenders” before the pandemic struck.

Then Grim was laid off from his IT job. His wife, who is still working, has reduced her 401(k) contributions to free up some cash.

“We have been dipping into our emergency savings to cover our bills where unemployment falls short,” he said.

The couple, who live in upstate New York with their dog, Barley, are eating at home, minimizing impulse purchases and postponing pricey things like dental work.

“Once I am working again we intend to increase the amount of our emergency fund to ensure we are even more well-prepared for any potential future financial emergency, no matter how severe,” Grim said.

Jim Stearns of Alaska runs big events for nonprofits, including the state’s annual music festival Salmonfest. But his business dried up once large gatherings were canceled.

When he started collecting unemployment he was getting $800 a week, but that has since fallen to $200 a week, after the temporary $600 weekly federal supplement expired. Now he is tapping his savings to support himself and his teenage daughter.

“I’m spending very little as my savings slowly but surely diminishes by the day,” he said.

Stearns is less worried about himself than the hundreds of vendors and musicians he normally books for events. “I can limp along and survive. But the tragedy of this is this incredible trickle-down effect.”

Slashing expenses, saving more

Sarah Way reworked her family budget when her part-time job in California was cut back to one day a week and her husband’s employer temporarily cut his pay in half. Travel, dinners out and commuting expenses were eliminated by default because of the pandemic. But she went even deeper.

“We parked a car and took it off insurance. We cut cable TV. We slashed the grocery bill. After four months, my hubby’s salary went back to normal, but we didn’t adjust our budget back up,” Way said.

Instead, she noted, “We have increased our retirement savings and built a six-month cash reserve. We did complete a few house projects that had gone unfinished, but for the most part we are in better shape now than we were before Covid.”

Natalie Sawyer, a school administrator in Texas whose husband is a retired military officer and now a teacher, also took the pandemic as an opportunity to power-drive household savings.

“Before Covid, I spent money without even thinking about it. We ate out a lot and I shopped for things that I didn’t necessarily need. It was a kind of free-for-all with my money. Once Covid hit and [we] were forced to stay in, we started cooking all of [our] meals,” Sawyer said.

“With that in mind, starting in March I decided to put $500 a month in an interest-bearing online savings account just to see if I could make it work.”

Sawyer has saved an extra $4,200 so far. Even though she has resumed some shopping, she said, “I find myself not spending nearly as much as I used to and we’re still cooking a lot more at home. … Covid helped us realize that we don’t need most of the stuff that we were spending on.”

Karen Jones works in the cloud software industry in Oregon. Her husband, Kim, whose work is tied to outdoor concerts and fairs, was laid off early on in the pandemic, then brought back in June. But he was laid off again in mid-August.

Jones initially halted contributions to her 401(k) and put the money into their savings account. “I wanted cash that I could get to right away if needed and I didn’t have faith that the market wouldn’t slide further and negate any contributions that I made during that time,” she said.

The couple canceled vacation plans and paid off their credit cards. The extra money her husband got as a result of the temporary $600 a week federal unemployment subsidy went toward savings. Jones is also saving money on gas and lunches out because she has been working from home.

“We still eat out or [do] takeout once a week to support local businesses, but are not looking for any other big ticket activities such as vacations through the summer of next year,” Jones said.

Putting life on hold

Michelle Williams graduated from college during the Great Recession in 2008. And it was only recently that she and her husband, Sheldon, had felt financially and professionally secure enough to consider trading up to a better house from their starter home in Missouri. They also were going to start a family.

Now they’re holding off.

Williams, who works for her county’s public library, didn’t lose her job. But her husband was laid off in March. He has since found new work, but their household income is a little less than before. Still, Williams said, “We are very, very lucky.”

Normally she’d put any extra money they made toward their mortgage or student loan debt. And she had planned to start saving for retirement before Covid hit, but now all spare cash is used to create a six-month financial cushion should they lose their jobs in the next year or have a big medical expense. “I don’t know what might be coming in the near future,” Williams said.

Paying off debts

Kalikoweo Keolanui-Daniele and her husband, Louis Daniele, both work for a coffee producer in Hawaii and live in a remote area, where their home — now paid off — runs on solar power and rainwater. They also grow their own vegetables.

Neither has been laid off, but Keolanui said the pandemic has made a huge impact on their money habits.

She used their stimulus check to pay down credit card debt and put more money toward her auto loan so she can pay it off faster. Plus, she added, “I put at least half [my paycheck] toward savings and plan to continue to do this to build up an emergency nest egg.”

They’ve eliminated all non-essential spending — from recreational shopping to haircuts and beauty treatments. Keolanui did, however, invest in a good pair of hair scissors.

“I feel more and more comfortable the bigger that nest egg gets,” she said. “You just don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s so much uncertainty.”

Looking to buy a home

Gillian Needham, a mental health practitioner, and her partner, Mike Ryerse, were not savers before the pandemic. They used to spend most of their disposable income traveling from their home in Minnesota to see their favorite bands.

But the pandemic has provided them an opportunity to squirrel away money.

“Since Covid began, we have dropped event and bar attendance to zero and have been able to save nearly $10,000 in the last seven months,” Needham said. That money is now earmarked to help them buy their first house.

Looking ahead, Needham expects they’ll continue to save and not only because there’s not much they do during the cold winters. “[The longer] I do something the more it sticks,” she said.

‘Comfort shopping’

Anna Harrington, a college professor in Tennessee, has never been much of a shopper. She used to spend money on plants, concerts and theater. But since the pandemic, she’s become a kind of impulse shopper.

“I’m ‘comfort shopping’ the way that others ‘comfort eat,'” Harrington said. “I’m saving and spending the same amounts as before — I’m lucky that my job is secure. But this past summer, I bought the oddest things I never would have normally bought — a sunrise alarm clock, pink fuzzy bunny slippers, the entire Buffy the Vampire CD collection, and vintage furniture from the 1970s,” Harrington said.

“When the bunny slippers arrived, I thought, ‘What am I doing?'”

Donating more than ever

Harrington also said that she’s making more charitable contributions than ever, including donating her entire stimulus check.

So is Kristina Laursen-Carr, a substitute teacher in upstate New York with four children. She feels lucky that her family’s finances have remained stable. Her husband, Joseph, a helicopter pilot who is retired from the military, is the main breadwinner and works for an air ambulance company.

When the pandemic hit, Laursen-Carr no longer traveled to pick up their two daughters and bring them home from college every weekend. And the family didn’t take vacation this summer. So she used the money they saved to bolster their retirement savings and help others.

“The best thing we started to do was buy food [and other] items for our local food bank on a weekly basis. We donate between $20 to $30 each week,” Laursen-Carr said.

Doyle Tarver, a retiree now living in Mexico, said his income — from Social Security and savings — has remained steady. But Tarver said he has been spending more in recent months than before the pandemic to support local businesses, even if it means sometimes buying things he doesn’t need. And he’s been tipping wait staff in restaurants up to 50%.

“I feel fortunate to be in the financial situation I am in and think everyone in a position to help should do so,” Tarver said. “There are many out there who have lost their jobs or had their hours reduced and need our help.”

[lihikainanea]

Omg the homewrecker thing!!! I’m a “homewrecker” apparently but literally every time I never knew the guy had a SO. I always argue with people that it’s not my fault they lied and I’m not going to sit there and feel guilty because I didn’t ruin a relationship. Maybe it’s the person who openly committed to a relationship and broke that commitment. Just maybe lol

Anonymous said: Homewrecker theory? What homewrecker theory? Did I miss something juicy? Or stupid?

Neither! But alright, hear me out as I attempt to articulate this. My friends and I--one of which is banging a married dude--got into a pretty heated discussion about it this weekend.

I hate the home wrecker theory and don’t believe in it for the same reasons that I don’t believe in saying shit like men are dumb, the same reasons why I loathe lunchroom talk where all my female colleagues just piss and moan that their husbands are so stupid, for the same reasons that dudes just don’t think like that is never an excuse.

Because it single-handedly absolves all men of any blame, while simultaneously placing 10000% of the blame on the woman involved.

Like alright, I’m out at a bar, right? And I see your husband. Whether or not I know that he’s married, I flirt with him--and boom, I take him home. I’m the home wrecker because your husband is married, I hit on him, and he took the bait? You’re single-handedly basically saying that men have no impulse control, that they are completely incapable of rational thought, and that they don’t have the judgment, discretion, or moral compass to have been able to say no. To walk away.

Sorry, but I expect more out of men. And I think that until we all do, they’re going to keep getting away with shit.

I don’t believe a woman who flirts with a married man should take sole responsibility for said man ruining his marriage. That’s on him.. All she did was flirt. He could have said no, he could have walked away, he could have flirted back and not let it lead anywhere---he literally has a million other options and the one that he chooses has absolutely zero reflection on the woman who hit on him.

I don’t believe in this concept of stealing either--nobody stole your man. Your man walked. And that’s not a reflection on you, either. That’s on him--all of it.

Now, I’m not saying that women who knowingly flirt with married men are free from any guilt. But if you’re flirting with a married man--my girl, don’t feel guilty that you’re putting him in a position where he’s going to ruin his marriage.

You’re not. There are 800 other outcomes to that scenario and only a few of them result in the complete destruction of his vows and believe me, he needs to take the bull by the horns for every single one of them and he knows what he’s doing. He knows he has other options, but he doesn’t choose them. What he does is on purpose, it is done knowingly, and yeah--he is guilty as shit in it and should be treated as such.

I believe in treating men like the rational, thoughtful, capable-of-proper-judgment human beings that they are. But that also means holding them accountable for their actions, it means expecting them to behave like normal human beings and know how to do basic human survival shit like keep a home relatively tidy, know how to do laundry, know how to feed their kids, know how to watch their kids, know how to have empathy and compassion towards their partner. And I think because we have taken on this incredible tendency to just forgive them of any sins, just treat their ignorance and stupidity as if that’s what’s expected, then a complete gender imbalance has become the norm.

TL;DR: the only person who can wreck a marriage is one of the two people involved in the marriage.

I would get off this soap box but I like it up here, it makes me feel tall.

[illyrianwingspans]

Do Not Go Gentle: listen before i go

Link to song: listen before i go by Billie Eilish

Synopsis: If you know this song, you know how Feyre's feeling right now.

Song of the chapter: listen before i go by Billie Eilish Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4z1O3miesI

TW: Suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation and suicidal intentions. Please, if you are feeling suicidal or aren't comfortable reading these situations, do not read this chapter. You are never alone. You are loved, and you are cared for. Here are some helplines if you are ever feeling suicidal (both available 24/7/365):

US: 1-800-273-8255 Suicide Crisis Hotline Canada: 1-833-456-4566 Suicide Prevention and Support Canada

Ao3 Link

Chapter 15: listen before i go

Rhys

Prythian, I’d decided, was beautiful no matter the weather. Sun, rain, snow—I loved it all. 

The Sidra glowed no matter the weather as I cruised down the city’s main artery street, parallel to the river where people walked lazily beside the careening stream. Though the rain and overcast skies usually chased many into their homes, today had been warmer than previous weeks, and my legs ached to be back out on the path for a quick morning jog, like I used to do every morning. Life and work had seemed to cut into every waking moment, including the time I dedicated to exercise—it’d shown in my body composition. Eating like shit also didn’t help, but my current levels of stress always begged me to break into a bag of chips or eat the office cupcakes that were brought up to the executive floor every few days. I needed to get back to the gym, to get exercising, but any time not spent working or helping Feyre seemed wasteful and selfish.

Cassian had to stay later this afternoon, and probably further into the evening because of an issue that arose with Night Corp’s security team. Some of our agents had grown restless in the recent absence of management since Cassian was spending so much time tracking Tamlin and Lucien instead of his usual dealings. He held an emergency meeting to address their questions and concerns, which would probably extend far longer than needed. I didn’t want to leave Feyre alone, and besides, I thought it I’d spent enough damn time in that stupid office chair this week to deserve a night of quiet peace.

The condo complex, though tall and large in its occupancy, was perfect for Cassian. Spacious, enough for him and his entire ego to fit into, but minimalist in the sense that he had only the bare necessities: place to sleep, eat and shower. Nothing compared to Mor’s complex that offered an indoor gym, rooftop pool and meal plan services from a five-star chef. But my cousin deserved every morsel of glamour and luxury she wanted after the life she’d come from.

The elevator opened onto Cassian’s floor, and my heart leapt up into my chest when I saw his door at the end of the corridor. I hated the feeling in my chest, the one that kept pounding at me whenever I knew I was near her. It was sickening, the emotions stirring up within me—I could barely harness them in whenever she was in close proximity. The fluttering, the pounding of my heart, they were dangerous. So very dangerous, and all I could do was force them down as best as I could as I pulled my keys out and opened the condo door.

“Feyre?” I called out after shutting the door quietly behind me and locking the door. Silence was all I was met with. The lights in the kitchen were on, and as I slipped out of my shoes, wandering further into the house, so were the lights in her room. Quickly, I bounded up the steps to see where she might’ve been, but a quick examination of the guest room told me she wasn’t there. The bathroom was also vacant, and Cassian’s door was closed, lights off.

Unease spread within me. She wouldn’t have left. I didn’t think she would, anyway, unless she’d gone out with Cassian this morning without telling me. My fingers crept into my pocket and grabbed my phone, ready to call my brother as panic began to arise. I pounded down the stairs once more and did a once-over of the living space to confirm once again that she was gone.

I would’ve seen the slender figure, draped in a dark sweater, on the balcony if today were sunny. If whatever mysterious forces that controlled the weather had woken up this morning and decided to bathe my world in sunshine, I would’ve seen Feyre immediately, sitting on the ledge of the balcony, looking down at the city below her.

Waiting. For what, I didn’t know. But she was waiting, and the way her shoulders were slumped, the way she seemed like Atlas himself with the weight of the world on her back, told me that there was only one reason.

I’d never known fear like this as I realized she was about to jump.

My feet moved slowly. Too slowly, as if they weren’t sure if this was another one of my fucked-up nightmares, or that she was indeed sitting there, ready to leap at any moment.

I slid open the patio door. Rain fell on my face, droplets wetting my lips.

“Feyre?”

Her fingers curled tighter around the cement lip she clutched. Her knuckles were white, her clothes soaked, but she didn’t turn. Her gaze remained fixed on the ground below her.

“You really shouldn’t scare someone on a ledge fifty storeys up.”

Some sick part of me wanted to laugh. Because I knew exactly what that dry, fucked-up cynical humour was. The one born of a darkness so deep there was no way to express it but with self-deprecation.

Heart pounding furiously across my body, I forced myself to focus, to think straight. If she pushed off too quickly, I wouldn't be able to grab hold of her. If I got too close, she'd get scared and do it anyway. “What are you doing, Feyre?”

She scoffed. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“Only if it helps you,” I replied, trying to keep the cool, nonchalant tone to my voice. If I panicked, then she would panic and do something stupid, which I could never let happen.

“Tell me what you're feeling right now. I want to try and help you.”

Please, I whispered over and over in my mind, swear pouring down my back, please don't do this. Please don't leave me. Please don't do this to me.

Feyre

Over and over, I asked myself how I got here. How at this moment, everything had gone wrong before it, so drastically that I was sitting up here on a roof, waiting for the moment to strike that I'd finally push off.

I knew how I got here. I knew every curve and crevice of my life's story, every twist and malicious turn it'd taken to make my path so gloriously fucked up.

Admitting failure is the most difficult of them all because you simply aren't enough. Your efforts, your time, energy and passion are all for naught, and you're left with nothing but this big ... void.

It's hard to describe how that feeling comes and goes. I've called it failure to thrive. The person I've become was not enough to keep going.

“Tell what you’re feeling right now. I want to try and help you.”

Help me. Was there anything at this point that could help me? Fix me? Or was this ledge, this fall, all I had left?

Slowly, carefully, I let out a shaky exhale. The wind and rain whipped at my face, but I couldn’t pull my hand away from the ledge, lest I wanted to lose my balance and have it all end right then and there.

“I…” A gust of wind flew over, making me clutch the ledge tighter, “I don’t feel anything anymore, Rhys. It’s like I’m already gone.”

“Why do you say that?”

A sob bubbled up within my chest. I pushed it down, took another quick, shallow breath. “There’s nothing left for me, here. My life’s over. Whatever’s left of it, anyway.”

“Feyre, you just went through an extremely traumatic experience. It’s completely normal to feel this way. That doesn’t mean your life is over. Just because you left him doesn’t mean your life is over.”

“He came back today, Rhys, while you were gone. Him and Lucien. They know where I am, they know how to find me.” I let out a small, mad laugh. “He’ll never stop. Not until I’m right back where I was, dying slowly before my very eyes. May as well finish the job while I can, right?”

“He was here? At the apartment?”

I nodded, slowly. Unfeeling. The cold seeped into my bones, through my clothes, but I couldn’t even feel that anymore. It was like my body had already died and all the warmth leeched from my flesh.

“Did you speak with him?”

“No. I just heard him through the door. He knows I’m here. How he found me…” I shook my head. “I don’t know. But it’s not going to change, Rhys. I am stuck in this forever.”

“You’re never stuck. You’re never trapped. There’s always another way out, you’re just not thinking clearly right now.” I could hear his voice getting closer, and it made my muscles clench tighter. Too close and it would be over. “Feyre, you’re too focused in on the situation. Everything is happening so quickly, and you’ve barely had time to recover. You need to zoom out. Focus on the bigger picture.”

“I don’t think you understand, Rhys,” I countered quietly, and I didn’t care that my voice began to waver, I didn’t care that there were tears blending in with the raindrops on my cheeks, and I didn’t care that if I pushed off this fucking building that everything would be over.

My voice was riddled with uncertainty and nervousness, but I shakily said, “I, um, read this thing once in a book. How your life gets to a point where it’s all too much, and you…” I swallowed, throat dry, eyes wide, “you don’t know what to do? It’s like being an apartment building, high up in the sky, and everything’s on fire. It’s blocking your door, your only exit. The only other viable option is to jump down and hope you survive.

“You’re standing there, staring at the flames,” I said, voice trembling, “and you’re trying to weigh which is worse: the flames or the fall?”

Rhys remained quiet behind me. I took another deep breath.

“The flames or the fall?” I repeated. “It’s not that I want to jump down. It’s that I’m so terrified of the flames that I don’t know what to do. And you’ll never understand that, Rhys, until you’ve seen the flames. Until you’ve felt how they burn. Only when you’ve felt that pure terror that I am feeling right now will you ever understand why I need to do this.”

“Feyre,” Rhys wondered, his voice too close for comfort, “why did you hold on for so long?”

“What?”

“During everything that you went through, all that’s happened over the course of your life, why did you hold on?”

My mind reeled while trying to find a viable answer, a possible counter-argument, but all I was left with was the cold, whipping wind tearing at my clothes.

I said quietly, “Because I thought eventually something would change. That it would get better.”

“What happened this time? What’s happening right now?”

As more rain poured down upon me, my eyes closed, my shoulders slumped after being clenched for so long.

“I’ve been holding on to scraps of hope my entire life. Every day it just seems to be getting worse and worse, like I’m stuck in this constant never-ending cycle of misery. I can’t—“ I choked on a sharp intake of breath as my heart began to pound louder in my chest, and my lungs heaved with the burden of being alive, “I can’t feel anymore, Rhys. I don’t feel anything, I destroy everything that surrounds me, and I’m—” my voice broke, and I choked out a sob, composure finally crumbling after days of emptiness.

Darkness reigned around my mind; around my heart. For so long there’d been that sliver of light to keep guiding me forward, like the doors sealing me shut in my prison were cleaved just the slightest bit to keep me going.

Now they’d shut in on me completely. Teasing me, leading me along, making me sacrifice my flesh and blood and tears, in the hope that that stupid fucking light would some day welcome me home.

But that day never came. And now…

“I’m just so tired.”

My head dipped forward, and for a second, I let go.

But I knew there was a warm presence just behind me, fingers clutching my body before it had the chance to fall.

“I know,” Rhys assured me, “I know, darling.”

Then his arms wrapped around my waist, and I didn’t protest as he gently carried me off the concrete ledge, and pulled me into his arms.

*

We both got out of our drenched clothes. There was a trail of water leading from the patio up to both bedrooms that Rhys was currently wiping down with a towel. His hair was unkempt and shaggy, dangling around his head, and through the loose grey t-shirt I could see the movement of every muscle in his back and arms.

The adrenaline had faded, and I was back to that numbness, that apathy, that stuck to me like a second skin.

Once Rhys finally got all the water, right to both bedroom doors, he tossed it in the bathroom and closed the door.

We both stood there in the dimly lit hallway, staring at each other. I couldn’t read his face: not since we’d gotten in from the balcony. It was completely neutral, his lips and mouth forming a flat line. But his eyes gave him away, with the way they scanned my face in an unmistakable concerned manner.

“Let’s go for a drive, Feyre. Get out of the house for a bit.”

The offer surprised me, and though my bed sounded mighty appealing right now, I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to get as far away from that entire sequence of events as I possibly could.

Prythian was dark tonight, and clouds hung low with only the bright city lights shining through them, creating a silvery mist shimmering over the skyline. I leaned my head against the window, looking out to the Sidra ever flowing with its golden gleam. Rhys was quiet, and soft music played in the car that thrummed quietly through the slowly emptying streets. The closer we got to Spring Corp, though, the more the knot in my chest tightened once more. Rhys, ever the perceptive person he was, noticed and began taking alternative streets.

Breaking the silence, he said, “You can stay at my place if you want, Feyre. When we get back, we’ll pack your stuff up if you’re not comfortable there anymore.”

“He’ll still find me, Rhys,” I mentioned quietly. “He’s always following me, always watching me. Even when we were together he’d have people follow me.”

Silence. Then, “Feyre, you have an iPhone, right?”

I paused at the completely unrelated remark then said, “Yes.”

“Guessing you have iCloud. And a shared account with Tamlin.”

My eyes closed, and I swore under my breath. He’d been tracking me through my phone. By the Gods, he could know where I was right now.

I immediately fished it out of my back pocket, and after a few swipes deleted his account off my phone completely. How Rhys had figured it out, I didn’t know, but some of the tension released from my muscles, and I could relax a little more into my seat.

A few more minutes passed by until we began nearing a large complex. When I saw the “H” symbol, my brows furrowed. When Rhys pulled into the parking lot, my head whipped to meet his gaze.

“Why are we here? Did somebody get hurt?”

“Everybody’s fine, Feyre.” He said calmly, quietly. Nonetheless, a ball of worry had formed in my stomach, but Rhys’s gaze remained impassive. He pulled into a spot nearest to the emergency doors, put the car in park, then turned to me.

“I’m not forcing you to do anything, but I’m giving you two choices from which I strongly recommend you pick one. The first is to come with me into the emergency and let them check you in on a seventy two hour hold—”

My mouth opened in a gasp as I realized what he was suggesting. Incredulous and royally pissed, I yelled, “No, Rhys! No!”

“It’s seventy-two hours. They watch you, evaluate you, try to triage your case and give you an action plan with follow-ups so we can try to help you through everything you’re feeling right now.”

The indignant tears flowing from my eyes trailed down my cheeks and my neck, to my chest. Resentment swelled in my chest, and I couldn’t even look at Rhys as I ground out, “And what’s the second option?”

“I give you my private psychologist’s number and watch you call her to make an appointment in her next available slot. I personally prefer option one, but it’s your choice Feyre.”

I rested my head against the car window, and tried to quell the sobs threatening to rise within me once more. This was all too much too fast. All of it. It was like my senses were overloaded and shocked, unable to process the events that unrolled over the past few weeks. The audacity Rhys had to pretend like he could just exercise that much control over my life was infuriating. Forcing me to make decisions about my life? My health? Who did he think he was?

And I was still so, so tired. I just wanted to recline in this chair and let my body go numb again.

“Feyre,” he said, but I ignored him, slipping into my own bottomless abyss never to resurface. He said my name a few more times, but I ignored him.

“Look at me,” Rhys pleaded, and the desperation in his voice made my eyes open, and my body turn so I was facing him. There he was, turned in his seat, one hand clasped on the wheel and the other on the compartment between us. His eyes were bleeding with worry and sorrow. I swallowed hard at the look, unable to take my eyes off of his.

“I’m not trying to force you into anything. I don’t want to control you or make you do something that you don’t want to do. But I…” he trailed off, and looked away for a moment into the distance where the ‘EMERGENCY’ sign glowed a bright red amidst the dark parking lot. “What happened today is not something you can brush off or ignore. I couldn’t live with myself if I brushed it off or ignored it. You need help, Feyre.”

Wet desperation streaked down my burning cheeks.

“You need help, and I want to help you, but I can’t do it alone. I don’t have the skills or education to be able to personally help you through this. But I can do everything in my capabilities to ensure that you do have the necessary people to care for you.”

More silence. I still couldn’t face him, couldn’t respond. I didn’t know how.

“Feyre.”

Slowly, so slowly, I inched my gaze towards his. Rhys reached between us and extended his hand.

“You’re not alone in this. I am here, we’re all here, for you.”

There was a cleaving, a crack in my chest, as my trembling fingers reached out and curled around his.

“What’s the number?” I croaked as I fished my phone back from where I’d stored it in the dash.

When it went through, I passed the phone to Rhys. The call was long, and Rhys’s soothing voice had filled the car for nearly twenty minutes trying to explain my situation. He’d initially put me on the phone to ensure that I consented to him sharing my private information. When the phone was passed to me after fifteen minutes of back and forth, I swallowed hard and said, “Hello?”

“Hi Feyre. This is doctor Suriel. Rhysand was telling me about your situation and I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“Um, I’m, uh, better than before.”

“That’s great. I know these are difficult questions, especially since we’re doing this over the phone, but I want to ensure that you’re safe until we meet on Monday.”

“Alright.”

“Feyre, are you still feeling suicidal?”

The question felt so loud in the small space. Rhys was looking away, out the window, and my cheeks heated with embarrassment as I mumbled, “Yes.”

“Do you feel unsafe, like you’re going to harm yourself or others?”

I bit my cheek. “Not right now.”

“But possibly if you were in a different location?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I know you have Rhysand with you. Do you trust this person?”

My stomach twisted with unease as my eyes darted to the man in the driver’s seat. After a moment, I said, “Yes.”

“Alright. My recommendation Feyre would be to check into the emergency room if you’re feeling suicidal. But if you believe that you can make it through the weekend and wait until Monday, and I know that you have somebody with you that you can trust, then I feel comfortable with you going home.”

“Okay,” I said, unsure of what else to say. I’d never spoken to a psychologist or mental health worker. It was oddly… comforting, knowing that there was somebody out there thinking it crucial I stay safe over the weekend; that I was looked after.

“If you don’t have any questions for me, Feyre, then you can pass me back to Rhys.”

“Okay.” I didn’t trust myself saying anything else, not as my throat closed up, and my eyes welled with a new wave of tears.

Rhys spoke for a few minutes longer, then set his phone back into the holster before starting the car back up and setting out to exit the parking lot. I kept staring straight ahead, unable to stop the stream of emotion on my face.

I realized that the cleave in my chest, the sliver that’d opened up within me, was that same teasing ray of light coming to settle back within me.

It’d sparked to life the moment Rhys had reached his hand out to me.

[fyrapartnersearch]

✦ —Roleplay Request [ ALWAYS OPEN ]

table of content

Introduction

What I’m looking for

Types of Roleplay

Rules and Regulations

Fandoms/ Originals

Abandoned Plots

FAQ

Final Note

Contact Information

introduction

Hi, you can call me Reece. I am a twenty-seven year old university student, who is studying psychology and english literature. A lot of my time is spent studying, thus the lack of a social life, but in my spare time I like to read, write, play video games, and watch movies, among other things. I have a variety of hobbies and love making friends with like minded individuals. Admittedly, I can be a bit shy in the beginning, so forgive me. I have been writing since I was ten, and discovered roleplaying when I was fourteen. I started out in chat rooms, bounced around forums, and was even a member of the now defunct Quizilla. I’m trying to make a comeback within the roleplay world after having to take unforeseen hiatuses due to ongoing health issues. At this time I am looking for something casual and relaxed; nothing stressful. I will list my rules and such, in addition to what I'm craving below.

what I’m looking for in a partner

Someone willing to take the time to sit down and plan out a story we’ll both enjoy.

Someone who will respect me in the same manner as I will them. It’s a two way street and I’m tired of being disrespected and harassed.

Someone who will take the time to read my rules and regulations. There have been too many instances where I’ve discovered people have either disregarded my rules or simply glossed over them. In exchange if you have any concerns please bring them to me.

Someone who understands that I won’t be able to respond every day. I’ve been dealing with an ongoing health issue since back in June and every month it’s been constant trips to the doctor. It will take me a bit, have patience with me, please. There are some days where I might only be up for talking OOC, then there are others where you might not hear me because I simply don’t feel well.

Someone who doesn’t mind that I’m that person who adores our roleplay so much that I will make everything from mood boards, edits, and playlists dedicated to our characters, ships, etc.

Someone who doesn’t mind talking outside of roleplay. Another perk of roleplay is finding friends and that’s what I seek. I would like to find someone who I can build a friendship with. We can fangirl over our story and our ships, talk about our day and slowly get to know one another. ❤

types of roleplay

basic:  Contact me with what fandom(s) you’re interested in, we’ll make a mutual decision on the choice, before exchanging oc information and discussing plots. The format is what we’re all used to: portraying our oc’s, each other’s love interest(s) and side characters.

doubles:  More or less the same as above, except if there is more than one thing you’d like to do  and are up for doing more than roleplay, than we can. I will probably only accept 2-3 per person, due to time management.

split:  The format is similar to the basic formula, we both choose one fandom of our respective sides. Then, we exchange oc information, love interests and plots.                      

split 2.5:   This is similar to the former, but different than the ones before it. Normally, a split roleplay is done where we choose two separate fandoms; but I can make an exception for a basic format if that is what you wish. Now, here is where it’s different after we choose our respective fandoms, along with our oc information we will include a big or small write up of a plot for our character and their love interest(s). Now, I will give my partner full-rein in regards to what kind of plot they want. Want a storyline filled with drama and mayhem? Go for it. Want a reverse harem storyline with four characters vying for your character’s heart? Fine with me. This is your opportunity to play out any kind of headcanons and storylines you wish. I only ask for nothing that violates my rules or limits, otherwise sky’s the limit. I will may accept 2-3 per person. If you need help with a storyline, let me know.

rules and regulations

length:

Normally, I will write one to two paragraphs on both sides. However, that is not my limit for I can write anywhere between one to five paragraphs per sides. Length for a single paragraph can range anywhere between 200-500+ words, whereas each individual side usually equates anywhere from 400-800+ words. I like to consider myself a paragraph|multi-paragraph writer, although I know a lot of people are converting to novella writers, I can accommodate to a novella partner just beware that it will take me longer to reply to you as opposed to someone else. This is due to how much time and effort that goes into novella responses. I am the type of person who likes to take the time to construct a quality response, rather than rush and send someone a response for the sake of replying. Which is why I ask, please give me time to write your response.

format:

I can write in either first or third person, despite preferring first because I can connect with my character more; I will do whatever my partner feels more comfortable with and if that’s second so be it. Also, don’t forget that roles between the two of us should follow accordingly; I play my OC, your love interest(s) and additional side characters. While you play your OC, my love interest(s) and additional side characters.

love interests, mary sues, and spotlight:

I’m lenient when it comes to love interests, as I allow more than one suitor for our characters because love triangles make the story more interesting. However, I would ask that if we just so happen to have the same choice(s) for a love interest that we don’t fight about it; instead try to sort things out. I’ve literally had someone threaten me, simply because I liked the same person as them (I’m not kidding). Second, I’m not an extremist when it comes to characters; meaning I won’t knit pick about every little thing. All I ask is no Mary-Sues and no hogging the spotlight; this is a storyline created between the two us. Let’s share it please.

spelling and grammar:

There are a lot of people who tend to knit pick about this; but rest assured I will not. All I ask is that you have a decent grasp on both spelling and grammar. Do this and we’ll get along fine; this is something that I can and will promise you.

manners and etiquette:

This should be common knowledge, but all I ask is that during our time writing together that you treat me with respect and courtesy; I will return the gesture as it is only right. I’d like us to get along, I would hate for a disagreement to ensure and there was bad blood between us due to something frivolous.

patience and commitment:

I am a full-time student, attending college and leave for school early in the morning and return home later in the afternoon; I am usually quite tired when I return home, but I try to reply to my partners as frequent as possible. However there are times, unfortunately when I cannot reply when I’d like due to an abundant amount of assignments, health issues which can lead to me becoming sick or an emergency at home. I try to inform my partners of these occurrences, but if you don’t hear from me in two weeks time don’t be afraid to send me a message and ask me about it. What I won’t accept, is being spammed every five seconds with the same message; again and again because I’m not replying like you’d like me to. I do my best to get to you all, roleplay is supposed to be fun and enjoyable; an escape from reality for both of us. It shouldn’t have to feel like a job. I will do the same for you because I understand everyone here has different lives and schedules to attend to; but please don’t ditch me half-way through the roleplay. If you need to take a break or something; then please tell me. I don’t bite- I’ll understand.

limits:

Upon sending a request please include your limits; the last thing I wish is to make you uncomfortable. My own limits include but are not limited to the following: male x male,  female x female, incest, paedophilia, and bestiality. This is where my limits stand as of now and may or may not change depending on future roleplays. If you’re unsure about something please don’t hesitate to ask me. In regards to what I will do well I am open to mature themes within my roleplays; actually, I would prefer if my partner was as well. These themes are but not limited to: foul language, violence, blood/gore (but not too heavy, please), smut, sex, alcohol, drugs ( prescription or not), mental illness, psychological themes and more. However, please be advised that I would like to keep everything to a certain level; this means while I do allow cursing, please do not have your character do so every other word. Also, I will not engage in a roleplay that is dedicated solely to sexual activities, alone. I believe that there is more to a storyline than this.

canon, crossovers and au:

I can do strictly canon roleplays or an alternate universe roleplay. Alternate Universes can range from ‘what if’ situations, different settings and scenarios. If you have an idea let me know, or we can brainstorm ideas together; I also have a list of AU prompts so let me know if you’d like to take a look at it. I am also crossover friendly

location:

I use mediums such as Skype, Discord and Kik to talk ooc, but tend to roleplay through Google Docs, Email (preferred) or Tumblr.

ooc chit-chat:

I’d like to chat on the sidelines with my partners, as it allows the two of us to get to know each other; thus making things less awkward for the both of us. Plus, I like to make friends with my partners and would enjoy the extra person to converse with.

roleplay subjects

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g-NIA7WE3wyKf6H9bVQSeBcaYR8GpeEvbxtAJF3jvSQ/edit?usp=sharing

The link above will provide my full list of fandoms (cravings included) and original prompts. Please be sure to visit before contacting me.

final checklist

Respect my limits and I’ll respect yours.

This list will be updated when I see fit

If it’s not on my list, don’t ask me about it, no offence but you’re wasting my time and yours.

Please acquaint yourself with my rules before messaging me. Failure to comply with them or in the instance of repeat offences will result in the termination of the roleplay.

Love interests are written in order of preference. If there is only one listed then that’s the only one and I won’t change it.

Listed above are the fandoms I would be interested in writing for, with them are characters who I wished played against my OC. In return, I will play a character opposite your own OC.

Please try to have at least two choices when contacting me. I will be thrilled if you have more than that.

In all seriousness don't contact me if you're going to ditch. I'm just tired of getting excited over requests and then get dropped. It's even more disappointing when it's something I was looking forward to or spent hours writing a starter. If there's something you want to be included or omitted let me know. If you need to step away from the roleplay, let me know. Please don't just stop replying or delete me or whatever. Now, if you haven't heard from me within a week or two send a follow-up message; I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes it's school, other times it's my health, there will be days where I don't have the strength to reply. Then, sometimes it's simply something as simple as an email being misplaced or a technical glitch. Regardless, I will always get replies to my partners; it just might take me longer. If you cannot understand this, then I am not the partner for you.

As mentioned at the beginning of this request I am looking for something casual and stress-free. I'm not the quickest replier due to school and health problems. Which is why I ask that you not harass me. I don't mind if it's been a few days or more and you give me a soft poke (i.e. ”Hey, I'm just checking in, etc). What isn't appropriate is sending me a string of messages in pursuit of a reply, getting angry with me for not responding, threatening to end the roleplay, or assuming that I've ditched because I haven't replied in a few days. When someone harasses me, I become stressed, when I become stressed, I will no longer want to continue the roleplay. I will simply end things altogether. Again, I don't mind a light nudge or friendly ask. Most days I'm up for OOC talk, even if the roleplay is on pause, but anything else will not be tolerated. I'm tired of it.

Be prepared to plot.

Split roleplays are an option

Double roleplays are an option

Plot Candies: Fandoms, Canon, Real world meets the Fandom world(aka: Characters from a fandom transported to the real world or vice versa), Action, Adventure, Superhero fiction, Crime, Fantasy, Supernatural, Urban Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, Epic/High Fantasy, Magical Girl, Alternate Universe, Horror, Mystery, Romance, Slice of Life, Thriller, Psychological, Drama, Mythology, Fiction, Tragedy, Time Travel, What-If (prompts),Married-Life, Pregnancy, Family, Crossovers, Reverse Harem

Genres and Themes that are a no-no: Science Fiction, Western, Post-Apocalyptic, Dystopia, Historical, Mecha, Zombies, Canon/Canon

Upon contacting me please make sure to do the following. First, I believe that first impressions matter and therefore would appreciate if you could please introduce yourself to me. I find when people contact me with simply “Want to RP” or “RP?” to be very off-putting and therefore leave me with no desire to return the message. Second, please include the following information: what you’re interested in writing for, any limits that you may or may not have (this one is important because I know everyone is different) and what type of roleplay you’re interested doing. Lastly, it would be nice if you could include any ideas you may have. If you don���t have any that’s okay, if you do don’t be shy to share. Thanks. ❤

contact information

email: x_heavenly.aura_x@yahoo.com

skype: x_keyblade.princess_x

kik: Sailor.Nyx

discord: Stray Cat #6885

tumblr: miss-mischievous-minx.tumblr.com