#I based this pose I saw on Pinterest and the whole photo just reminded me of Quinn

[jirachuuu]

Spotlight 🫣

[portfoliociara-blog]

My 20 Images ! And a bit about them

I naturally go for an 80s style and disco balls are a huge aesthetic of mine, especially when reflected. This was purely for a backdrop workshop we did and instead of the studio I used a location kit for my set up. I was majorly inspired by Chloe Sheppard, an instagram artist.

a totally unplanned image when I was in Birmingham, my friend went up for cigarette and I loved the whole perspective and composition . i love the structure of this image and I feel the bird passing in the sky gives an extra touch to the fact it’s high up and it also creates a peaceful aura to the image. 

We were heading to the train station after a shoot for fun in Birmingham when the sun was setting, the silhouette was on purpose. i took only one image as we had to be quick but I couldn’t resist the colours and the setting!! I also love the edit.

This image originally was a test shot in the studio for a natural lighting workshop however when looking back at all my images alongside this, they were just not as strong! I really feel the reflector creates a beautiful ‘stripped back’ look to the image and when viewing it you can imaging it being so rushed and busy behind the camera whilst my model is looking elegant and calm.

This image was taken for my 1st year exam, we were given the word ‘labyrinthine’ in which, as long as we could back it up, take it to anywhere we wanted through our images. I decided to go down the route of ‘twisted’ to then ‘twisted bodies’ not my usual style in terms of editing as I usually am a huge colour enthusiast however i love the aesthetic of this image so much.

This image was taken to test out the 80mm lens at college and the settings used for this image were F number 4, exposure time 1/80 and focal length 85. The colour is my favourite thing about this image, using studio and backdrop i wanted to create a bold statement. I feel if I had used any other colours eg. blue for the backdrop, this image would not have worked so well, I also added a grain edit as I do to majority of my images as I love that almost film like texture. 

The settings used for this image were Focal length 90, f number 9 and exposure time 1/60. And the purpose for this image was for a studio based assignment! I wanted to portray young ‘puppy love’. This image is part of a series but I felt this was the strongest, within the series many poses were captured to show different emotions in which love can make you feel! This in my opinion is called ‘dreamy’ but I love to hear other people’s interpretation of it! I knew for sure that I wanted a rich red with this shoot to really show deep feelings.

This was another unplanned image whilst on a non-college related shoot. We stopped to get a drink in costa and my friend turned around, I just thought the set up looked cool how he was holding the flowers that matched his t-shirt. I loved how no one was staring at him as it was an unusual thing to take inside, I just wanted to capture the moment! I then later edited it and really loved it, it was taken in a Costa in Birmingham. 

For a street photography based assignment I decided to take straight-ups for my final 10 images as it meant I could kind of make it my own, I don’t usually like street photography so this way I could complete my assignment and  not have to be specifically on the street and I could focus more on the fashion people were wearing and choose the people I photographed . whilst on a London trip, i asked this cool looking shop worker in Notting hill if i could photograph him and he was very friendly and confident. This was definitely my strongest image of my 10!

This again was for a studio based assignment on a projection workshop which actually I experimented with before my tutor brought it to the class! The settings used on my camera for this image was 88 focal length, 5.6 F number and 1/60 exposure time! I love strong images to project and the strong oranges and reds of the flames really spoke to me, i got my model to wear all black as it compliments the fire well. I was intending to create this alluring image and I think I achieved it!

When in digbeth before a gig I decided to spend the day on a shoot! I took this image with the same pose and same place earlier in the day and decided to come back at ‘golden hour’ as the lighting is always more rich and the colours are always shown better, I love it . the difference was incredible. 

The settings used on my camera for this photo was 24 focal length, F Number 4 and 1/60 exposure time. I chose a pink and red gels to create this 60s look for my studio based assignment, I chose the black bodysuit as I feel it compliments it all so well as well as my model’s dark hair. Her pose was to suggest that she was an attractive women, she’s very wanted and she knows it, I could imagine a women in the 60s doing this sort of arm rested pose, stood in a bar in order to get attention from men.

Again this was taken at ‘Golden Hour’ I love working with natural lighting as you can’t recreate it within studio which makes it so magic. I originally took this image landscape and I included a lot more of the scene however I cropped it down to be more portrait which really did make the image so much stronger than it was before which was just a ‘nice’ image. 

This shoot was planned however the snow was not! but i’m so glad it did, the white floor and footsteps make this image stronger. I made the most of my surroundings and got my friends to walk up and down to add a bit more than just a ‘white floor’ to my image, I feel it makes her outfit stand out a lot more too. 

This was a location kit! I used a subtle backdrop to compliment the silver disco ball and it’s reflection well. i love using a Grain effect with images. I felt that because the main focus of this image was the light on my model’s face, I did not need a colourful backdrop!

This was taken in the Studio using projection, the projection was a photo of Tokyo nightlife, the shades of purple are gorgeous and my model’s dark hair and clothes compliment well.The settings i used were 105 focal length, 5.6 F number and 1/60 exposure ! I love the use of neon lights in projection I feel it creates such beautiful and bold colours more than any other image you project. 

I had this idea in mind when I went on this shoot, I was unsure on the artist that inspired me but I saw a singular image on Pinterest .i adore this edit which is C1 on the app VSCO and the colours i’ve retrieved with it I am so happy with! I also feel that my composition is good. 

I simply wanted my model to stand infront of this wall but the sun shining in his face really makes this photo! I really loved his expression, his whole stance really reminds me of Gavin Watson’s images of his mates during the MOD era. 

I always wanted to do an underground carpark shoot but this was just an image I took when we passed through one to get downstairs! I want to develop this type of shoot, the lighting of this image is my favourite. Most people feel that I should have included my models face but I really didn’t feel like I had to, I like the fact that his face is slightly shaded

Taken at ‘golden hour’ and in a carpark at digbeth.  i positioned my model near a bar to create that shadowed line across her, very powerful. I adore the pastel colours going on even within my model’s hair and makeup! they all compliment each other so so well! The way the sun is shining and creating this shadow creates a lovely aura to this image, I really wouldn’t change a thing about it! The colour and lighting is just perfect In my opinion! It really reminds me of some of Jimmy Marble’s work who is my favourite photographer! 

[rachelclewis]

Bad Trip

Not that long ago, I often traveled for work. This was when I was single and lived alone. Traveling for work became routine after a while. I would even say I got to the point where I enjoyed traveling solo. I remember one conference in particular. It was in San Diego and I didn’t know anyone at the conference or in the city, but I explored and found fun things to do. I even blew off the “networking” session of the conference because I saw a sandwich board advertising, “One Night Only: John Cleese Live!” It was a great choice; he was hilarious! I just wish I would have bought one of the t-shirts that read, “I saw John Cleese perform RIGHT before he DIED!” (This was in 2008, by the way. He is still alive.)

This was also the trip where I accidentally ordered veal because I thought “scallopini” meant “little scallops.” I felt terrible once I realized what I had done, but it wasn’t like I could give the little guy CPR once it was on the plate. So I ate it. (And goddamn it was delicious.) Then there was the supposedly haunted restaurant in Old Town with the margaritas the size of bird baths. Well, the first one is a bird bath. The second one threatens to become a facial. But I wasn’t driving, and I was without a companion to judge me, so I enjoyed both, completely.

As I said, this was 2008, over ten years ago. Many things have changed. I’m in a relationship. I have a stepson.  I had Wensley in 2008, but now he is an older dog with some health issues. (He will be fourteen years old this month.) That’s a lot of comfort and responsibility to leave behind, especially when I haven’t traveled on my own in years. It didn’t actually occur to me that I hadn’t exercised those muscles and therefore had lost all the tone until I went to Austin by myself last weekend.

I made a New Year’s goal to do more with my blog and I searched for learning opportunities. I found an online community of blogging women with a conference coming up in Texas and I bought tickets and booked a flight. I was anxious about the trip, but I have acute anxiety. I am anxious about everything.

The morning of the flight, Ethan (who is six) told me he was worried that I might get lonely on my trip and asked if I would like to take one of his soft friends (his word for stuffed animals) with me. It was such a sweet gesture and it touched me. I even took out an extra top to make space for the soft friend he selected, which was a black bear featuring a radio collar because it was purchased at a national park where bears are tagged and studied.

As soon as I buckled in for the flight, my anxiety went to work. “Why are you doing this?” It asked. “Can you even afford it? What if something happens to your extremely old dog while you are gone and you aren’t there to comfort him?” Tears welled up behind my eyes. I fought them back, but they pretty much stayed right there for the rest of the weekend.

I want to be completely clear: the conference was great and the ladies I met were lovely. I might even go again next year. That said, it was a hard experience for me. From the moment I entered the first event (a cocktail party on Friday evening), women were reaching out to me to help me feel welcome. Obviously they picked up my introvert vibe and reacted by inviting me into their conversations, metaphorically putting an arm around my shoulders and saying, “You’re good; We got you!” But I was not prepared for what a room full of female Texas bloggers (who refer to themselves as “influencers” and “momtrepreneurs” would be like.

These women are poised and glamourous. They are fit and fashionable, and they wear lipstick and high heels on Saturdays. Where I come from, Saturdays are for skiing, or biking, or hiking (depending on the weather). There are definitely no high heels. There may be tinted chapstick, but it has to be SPF 15 or higher.

They sell their makeup and outfits and home décor ideas on their feeds and they make serious money doing it. They have class and style and they will help you have it, too. All you have to do is click and add to cart. And that is exactly what thousands of people on Instagram do, every day. You have to see the photos of their picture perfect lives to understand it. I felt like a fraud sitting with them and taking notes on what makes the perfect Pinterest board.

I know what you are thinking. “Oh, Rachel, we all feel that way! I’m sure half of them thought you were the one that had it together! It’s just a bad case of imposter syndrome, that’s all!” No. Wrong. I can prove it. Here is a photo I found on the photographer’s site (@mandiroachphotography) in a collection of pics from the event.

In case I have to explain, I’m the one in the center dealing with, I don’t know, an entire chicken wing or similar stuck in my back teeth. If you could zoom out you would see one hundred more women just like the ones surrounding me here. Lovely, lovely, stinkin’ lovely. Not one giving themselves dental work.

Feeling out of place just made me feel even more homesick. And then, the last day of the conference, I made the mistake of checking my email and discovering that the coverage I had set up for my day off to go to the conference hadn’t been adequate. I realized that I was in some trouble with my boss and that sent me into minor crisis mode. I felt like the whole trip had been a mistake. This was just before the smaller focus group session where we discussed questions and takeaways. I had been conspicuously quiet, so the group leader asked me to share my thoughts.

“I’m totally overwhelmed,” I blubbered, the tears that I had been holding back breaking forth in a torrent and hitting the floor. “I don’t even know what an ‘instagram story’ is!”

Again, the lovely ladies enveloped me and told me I was okay. They reminded me I just needed to get one actionable thing out of the conference and hold on to that. And someone else told me something that did stick with me. It isn’t about followers, it is about authenticity. What is your “why?” That is, why do you blog? What are you bringing to this space?

So I went to the loo and washed my face. Then I went back to the table and sat down with my notebook to draft a mission statement. I didn’t figure out exactly what it was, but I realized that I do have a “why” (aside from needing a place to write and hoping someone who likes my sense of humor will read it). I want to live an examined life. Writing helps me do that examining. My hope is that sharing what I unearth will help others, too.

Whew! I got my one thing, just before the conference ended! But then it was over, and all the ladies headed off for home. I, however, headed back to my hotel. I wasn’t able to find a non-red-eye flight, and my red-eye days are behind me.

Or so I said when I bought my tickets. My hotel had a spa and a gym, surely I would be able to find something to do that last evening before catching a reasonable morning flight, right? But then I was in the hotel with sixteen hours to kill, completely stressed out about work and needing a cuddle from each of my boys, human and canine alike. As good as it would have been for me, I wasn’t going to go to the gym.

I went down to the hotel bar and started texting a friend to ask her how she got 10k Instagram followers, but we ended up talking about the conference instead. The tears came back and I couldn’t make them stop, not even when my amazing mac and cheese with brisket tips arrived. My poor waitress probably thought my best friend died. I snapped a tearful selfie and sent it to my friend, but I’m sharing it here also in the spirit of authenticity.

And the mac and cheese… (that’s cornbread and bacon butter in the background)

Throughout the trip, I kept an eye out for good spots to pose Black Bear so that I could send photos home to Ethan. I looked through them back in my hotel room and realized that, based on the photos, the bear was on the trip that I hoped to have. It seemed significant and apropos of the conference and the idea of sharing an authentic experience, versus and idea of perfection. I can’t do what those other ladies do. I am not here to tell you how to have the perfect vacation because I don’t know how to do that. I’m here to tell stories about why I spent last Sunday ugly crying in public places. I’m here to talk about how living with acute anxiety is hard. I have learned that it is possible to live a full life with anxiety, but you have to work at it. It won’t always go according to plan, and sometimes you have to force yourself to get out and do it. Luckily, there are also stuffed bears to cuddle while waiting for planes, and there is love and kindness waiting to reassure us on both ends of the trip.