#I barely interact with the Discord despite reading everything

[atomskdluffy]

I finished Tchia today! It's a wonderful little open-world exploration game full of collectibles and cosmetics, with a story and map based on New Caledonia (an island nation off the coast of Australia). The game is even voiced by local talent, and only in the two languages spoken on the islands! The big gimmick is the ability to Soul-Jump into animals and objects, which is just as fun as it sounds! It's a short game even if you go around collecting everything (which I did), and it's a very chill experience! I would certainly recommend it!

[ohdeerfully]

hii! i just read everything you've posted and am obsessed. can you possibly write an alastor x fallen angel!reader? i would just love to see the interactions! -🐈‍⬛ anon

HIII 🐈‍⬛ im sorry this took one hundred thousand days to write. but at least its fairly long!!!!!! 4k words

honestly i cant imagine alastor warming up to an angel very quickly, like he would probably haaate reader for a long time before being like "actually u know what <3"

though that being said this can definitely be read as a platonic story since theres no romance (though maybe ill write a romantic fallen!reader someday)

anyway hope u enjoy!! mwah!

Welcome to Hell

alastor x reader TW: heavy descriptions of gore WITH the reader, reader is heavily wounded, alastors a dick, cursing obviously, thats it i think join my discord!

PLS READ: im putting the story immediately under a read more because it jumps really quickly into gore, so if ur uncomfy with that please dont read on!

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“Hey, bitch,” A dangerously whispered voice spoke in your ear after you shooed away a small demon, sending all the warning bells in your body ringing. You stood and braced yourself to run, but—

The sensation of bone and arteries being savagely torn from your shoulder blades sent flaming, white hot pain through your body, setting every nerve ablaze and prompting a scream of agony through your lips. Your throat quickly became sore with the intensity of your cries as you crumpled over yourself, tightening your arms around yourself in a useless attempt at comforting the pain away.

Knife-like sensations rolled through your body, leaving you struggling to catch your breath and see through tears. You lifted your gaze from your trembling, bloody-gold hand onto the two who stood above you, one looking down with a twisted smirk and the other a disgusted sneer. The man still held your ripped wings between his claws. You could barely hear the ambience of terrified screaming that surrounded you through the heartbeat in your ears.

“Angels like you sicken me,” Lute said, chin tilted up in superiority. “You don’t even deserve that title.” She brought a foot up and then down onto your shoulder, shoving you onto your chest. The movement made you scream as another flash of pain ignited in your back. You balled your hands into fists, pulling them against your chest as you pressed your forehead against the hot ground, trying to catch your breath once again.

You sat, hunched, for what felt like hours. Maybe it was hours, as when you finally came to your senses the atmosphere was eerily silent. Adam and Lute were long gone. You only heard the faint noise of cannibalistic demons tearing apart bodies, and the occasional rustle of trash or paper being thrown in the wind across a deserted street. The recognition made you sit up—oh, shit, too fast. Your vision practically vanished as your head became light. You tried to catch yourself with your hands before you fell backwards, but considering the nature of your wound; ripped flesh directly over your shoulder blades… your elbows buckled at the intense sting.

I’m so fucking stupid, you cursed yourself as you contemplated your situation, deciding that it would be better to not try to stand up and walk around right now. Honestly, you’d be surprised if bloodloss didn’t kill you, considering the glistening puddle that had formed around you. You had managed to slowly scoot into a somewhat secluded corner and rested your head against the brick wall. Uncomfortable, but all things considered… it might as well be a five star hotel bed to you. Your eyes shut.

“Come on—...never know-”

“If you think— unpredictable—”

The two things you noticed when you came to were a broken conversation and an uncomfortable prickling sensation on your skin. You struggled to crack open your eyes, dried blood nearly pasting your left eye together. When you finally managed, you still had trouble focusing.

Two blurry, tall demons stood in front of you. Despite the fact they were demons, it felt considerably less imposing than the two that were in front of you earlier that day—was it still the same day? Still, you were on high alert and grabbed for where you thought you had left your weapon. You palmed at empty concrete. You cursed both at the lack of your tool for self defense and at the fact the two noticed you were now conscious.

“I do hope you don’t mind,” An amused bark of laughter erupted from the taller of the two, which forced your gaze back towards them. “We confiscated your little prong for our safety.” You blinked rapidly, squinting slightly till you could finally focus your eyes and actually get a good look at them. Surely enough, your trusty spear was held tightly between red claws.

To your right was an oddly friendly looking girl with blond hair and the reddest cheeks you had ever seen, who stood with a slight bend at the hip and hands on her knees as she peered down at you. Her brows were turned up and furrowed with what you guessed was worry, although the thought was shocking considering… the circumstances, you mused gravely when another rush of throbbing pain coursed through your body, reminding you of the giant wound on your back. You hadn’t noticed yourself wince, but the woman in front of you did, what with the way her hand shot forward as if wanting to help you. She paused, unsure.

You turned your head to the voice, taking in the demon next to her. He was just a bit taller, and incredibly… red. Red coat, red hair, red eyes… a little excessive, maybe—though, it didn’t really matter what you thought of his fashion choices, because the overwhelming and ominous feeling of dread ensnared your thoughts. He bent at the hip in a similar manner to the girl next to him, though the movement seemed somehow much less natural. The ever-present radio noise in the air increased in volume as his face inched closer. Meeting his gaze seemed to cause your mind to fill with a buzzing emptiness, prickling your entire being and causing your skin to tickle with goosebumps. Although you’ve never met him before, you knew by aura alone the power he held, especially over you in this situation. It was frankly obvious that he knew, too, for he stood with practiced leisure, leaning his weight onto his cane with one hand as he fidgeted curiously with your spear in the other. You immediately switched your gaze towards the friendlier of the two, who still seemed to be fighting a mental war, her still outstretched hand twitching as she considered her next move.

With a brief, sideways look towards her companion, she smiled gently and outstretched her hand in your direction. You eyed it suspiciously, gaze flicking between her and her hand. She had to have ulterior motives, right? Maybe she was just leading you somewhere where you could be finished off. Or something. Adam always insisted that the demons were far to “fucking stupid” to know how to hurt, let alone kill an angel, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t resort to various strange experiments and tests. They were demons, after all. In Hell.

Though, you had to admit to yourself with a sigh, at this point, I’m not any different than them. You figured “fallen angel” could even be a worse title than demon, because how horrible of a being do you have to be to fall from holy stature? Was saving the life of a demon, a child, at that, so evil?

It wasn’t worth thinking about, you decided. You were here. In Hell. Fuck.

You raised an embarrassingly trembling hand and cautiously received her own, and fought yourself to keep from ripping away as her slender fingers wrapped over yours. You were watching her movements sharply, nearly flinching when her black manicured nails glinted as they caught a light. Even still, her expression regarded you with so much undeserved compassion, a softness in the subtle curve of her eye, that you let your shoulders relax. She pulled you gingerly to your feet, and caught you against her steady shoulder when you nearly fell.

“I’m Charlie, by the way,” She said. Although she seemed hesitant earlier, every minute that passed seemed to confirm some unknown idea in her head as she slowly grew more vibrant and excited. Even still, she remained otherwise calm and gentle, her body holding strong to support nearly your full weight. She shot a look at the other demon.

“Oh! I apologize for my manners,” You weren’t even lookin at him—his voice alone sent a weird feeling down your back. You turned to look. “Alastor! A pleasure to meet you my dear, quite a pleasure!”

You finally turned to look, and noticed he didn’t hold his hand out, but rather the blunt end of your spear. When you reached to grab it, maybe to yank it away from him—not that you had any intention of fighting back at this point—you found that he still held a vice-like grip to it. When your fingers closed around the stick, he merely shook it, as if the weapon was an extension of his own hand. You weren’t really sure whether or not to take it as an insult.

Charlie seemed indifferent to Alastor’s antics, and you started a bit when she seemed unable to control herself any longer, and began blabbering about some hotel and some plan she had. She spoke with such a furious speed that you wondered if anybody could decode her words. She paused, suddenly, to take in a long breath, but the other demon interrupted her before she could begin again.

“Charlie, while I love watching you try so desperately, I’m not sure beings of their ilk are fit for your idea.”

Ilk? Sure, you understood him holding caution to your presence, considering you were an angel, but come on! Circumstances have changed for you! You opened your mouth, planning to make some retort (that you had not yet planned out) but Charlie quickly beat you to it.

“No! Alastor, come on, I know they’re… was one of them, but that gives them all the more reason to want to follow my plan… right..?” She looked down at you, where you still leaned heavily on her shoulder as the three of you slowly walked down the street. You honestly weren’t sure what they were talking about—you barely managed to catch a single word she rattled about earlier. You gave a weak shrug and a nod, just to be agreeable.

Alastor only gave a dismissive ‘hmm’ in return, and picked up his pace to walk in front of Charlie and you. In fact, he kept his pace and just continued walking away, down the sidewalk, around a corner, and gone. Personally, you didn’t mind. The air was noticeably lighter without his presence.

Charlie sighed in defeat, but didn’t mention it. She seemed accustomed to his behavior. You silently expressed your sorrows for her; even if he was nicer than he appeared, which you doubted heavily, he was likely still an exhausting guy to be around. 

The walk was long and unbearably painful for you, each labored step sending pulses of sore pain through your body, and your back occasionally exploding in needles that would halt you in your tracks. Charlie was incredibly patient, and you couldn’t even begin to word how thankful you were for her. Being one of two demons you had encountered since falling, you began wondering what else was in store for you down here for what you assumed may be the rest of your eternity.

You didn’t have long to ponder, as it seemed enough time passed since the extermination for demons to start their usual routines. And man, what routines they had. If you weren’t in imminent danger, you would find the scene almost comically chaotic. There were projectiles smashing through windows, sending shards everywhere, and fires erupting from said windows. Your eye caught the glinting of weapons in the hands of various demons, which some were… actively using to stab another demon. And, of course, when bodies fell there were at least two pit-eyed cannibalistic creatures that would descend on the corpse like starved dogs. You clung close to Charlie, who seemed unnervingly calm in the situation. Surprisingly, even with the lack of a weapon or any means of self-defense, nothing came at you.

Seeming to sense your unease, she looked at you with a calming smile. “Charming, huh?” She joked lightly. She grimaced slightly at the sound of a scream being cut short by a loud bang. “It’s not usually… this bad. They’re just worked up after extermination. That’s when the crazies hit.”

Yeah, you silently mocked. Yeah, starting fires and murdering people is being ‘worked up.’ Cool. You only nodded in response, not really finding anything nice to say. And, honestly, anything you said would probably seem hypocritical given the fact you were an exterminator mere hours ago. Luckily for you, she seemed content enough at that. She started to talk again about where she was taking you, a bit slower this time, obviously half focused on keeping you supported.

“So, my Hotel kind of just started, and Alastor is in the process of making a commercial to get some attention. I think he said it would be done today.”

You nodded wordlessly. Part of you felt a little guilty, not having much to say despite Charlie’s efforts to welcome you and take care of you, especially compared to her constant rambling. She didn’t seem to notice, though.

She re-explained her whole idea, undeniably proud of her plan. Sinners working on themselves to get redeemed? To leave Hell and climb those glittering steps to Heaven?

Absolutely unheard of.

Maybe it was your internal biases talking, but you could not imagine the possibility. If it was possible, why hadn’t somebody showed up at the gates from Hell before? You held back a roll of your eyes, feigning support and interest to the best of your ability.

After an achingly long journey, you finally reached the stone path that led to a rather plain, but tall building. It looked sleek and well built, but you couldn’t help but notice the tacky blinking lightbulbs that formed arrow shapes towards the entrance and the huge, spelled out name of the hotel. 

Hazbin Hotel.

You stifled a laugh as you looked up at the signage.

“Well! We’re here!” Charlie announced, brandishing her arm forward and sweeping it in a ‘viola’ motion. Your eyes traveled over the expanse of the property, noticing how many windows lined every wall. Were there that many demons here?

You were answered nearly immediately when Charlie opened the door to the hotel and you found yourself in a nearly empty lobby. It was kind of sad, honestly. There was a cat-like bartender and a long-limbed pink demon splayed across the couch, but other than that…

The demon next to you scratched the back of her head, and gave you a light smile. She jerked her head towards the door as if inviting you, but to be fair you didn’t really have any choice but to go wherever she led you.

“Ooh, fresh meat,” The pink-ish demon with a striped top shot upright, eyeing you wryly with a cocked brow. He stood and took long strides forward, one pair of arms on his hips and the other crossed under his rather… voluptuous chest. 

“Eyes up here, toots,” He snapped a finger, but when you met his eyes you could tell he was all jokes. You gave him a tight smile in response.

You heard the sound of quick steps and an already aggravated looking face appeared from the upper level, quickly descending the steps. You felt an ice-cold feeling of familiarity when you saw a gray-skinned, white haired angel—or, well, fallen angel at this point—stop in front of you. She apparently felt a similar feeling, though her response was much more rapidly aggressive. With a narrowed eye and tense shoulders, she manifested an angelic spear and held it at the ready. You tried to remove yourself from Charlie’s hold, desperate to be able to defend yourself even in your sorry state, but her protective grip held you fast against herself. You struggled only for a moment, but the exhaustion coursing through every vein stopped you. Man was she strong.

“What is someone like them doing here,” The other questioned in a hiss, her lips curled in a sneer. She eyed you up and down suspiciously, likely analyzing your capacity of harming anybody in the room. Admittedly you couldn’t blame her caution. 

When your lips parted, planning to shoot an accusatory in retort, the tip of her spear shot to your lips, effectively shutting you up. There was a look in her eye, behind the rage and caution, that you somehow recognized as a silent plea. A plea for what? To stay quiet? Not state the obvious recognition you two shared? Did the others somehow not know she was an angel? Whatever it was, you obliged and swallowed a lump in your throat.

“Vaggie, please,” Charlie spoke in a tumble, rushing her free hand to press the point of ‘Vaggie’s weapon away from your face. “She’s practically one of us now. Don’t go threatening my new guests every time they walk through the door! We can’t scare them away…”

“Angels aren’t guests Charlie,” Vaggie’s voice seemed strained as she held pinched fingers on the bridge of her nose. “We literally just had an extermination.”

“I know,” Charlie pressed, the tone of her voice conveying some sort of desperate ‘just go with it and calm down.’ “But… obviously she was an outcast, unwanted by Heaven. Just like us, right?” 

You furrowed your brows and looked at her through the corner of your eye, but decided not to fight for your dignity. She wasn’t even wrong.

Vaggie seemed easily defeated by Charlie’s words, yielding quickly to her words and putting her spear away. You briefly wondered where your own was. Charlie gave Vaggie a thankful smile, a light kiss on the cheek—to which the angel blushed—and led you carefully into a nearby room. 

It seemed to be some type of medical room, and Charlie quickly got to work dragging a warm rag over the dried blood that left streaks down your skin. You grabbed her wrist, and she looked up at you, a little confused.

“I can wash myself, I’m not that useless,” You argued, using your other hand to pull at the rag.

“But, you can barely—” 

“Charlie,” You said, more stern than you meant to, which you immediately regretted after the taken aback expression on her face. Considering you barely spoke a word since meeting her, it was no wonder she seemed surprised at your sudden brash tone. You tried to speak more gently. “Please, just let me wash myself off. I’ll need your help dressing my wounds, anyway, it’s the least I could do.”

She pondered for a moment, but nodded, smiled, and left you to it. She left the room with a quick ‘call me when you’re’ done, closing the door with a gentle click. You sighed, finally enjoying a moment of privacy. You looked at yourself in the mirror, a sick feeling churning in your stomach.

It was still you, staring back, but it somehow at the same time wasn’t. Golden streaks tainted your gray skin, crusts of blood still grabbing at the corners of your eye and matting your hair. You briefly brushed a hand through the strands, but promptly gave up after your fingers caught on multiple knots. You’d have to wash it out.

For now you focused on just wiping the blood and grime off of your skin, especially around the wounds. You were incredibly tender when you reached your back, elbow bent awkwardly over your face as you tried to reach the marred flesh. You tried positioning your arm under your armpit, hoping for a better angle, but it was still no use. Even when you managed to get close to the wound, every touch sent stinging pain down your back. On top of all that, you could barely see where you were dragging the damp cloth, neck struggling to crane enough to look in the mirror.

The door opened suddenly, and with it a sense of impending doom and static sensations encased you. You froze, eyes darting towards the entrance. Even though you knew exactly who would stand there, you still couldn’t help the sick surprise that twisted your gut.

Alastor stood in the entrance, eyes half open and brows raised as he examined you bent in so many awkward ways. 

“How’s our new vulture doing,” He asked suddenly, eyes lighting up in an overly cheerful manner. He entered the room without much invitation, circling you. You felt like prey being stalked and toyed with by a wolf. Your eyes diligently followed until he took up a spot behind you. “Charlie got caught up in something, so she asked me to help you.”

You watched him in the mirror as he looked down at the torn flesh of your back, his long, clawed finger tapping at his chin while his other hand thrummed against the head of his cane.

“A ghastly sight you are,” He commented, meeting your gaze in the mirror. His hand pointed down at your back. “That wound of yours is rather unpleasant, too.”

You frowned and opened your mouth to shoot something back, though you didn’t know if you wanted to throw curses or insults back at him. Any words you may have said died on your tongue as the look in his eyes darkened, and his smile curled impossibly higher, more sinister. 

He leaned down, positioning his head just next to yours, still meeting your eyes in the mirror. Every inch of proximity caused the prickling on your skin to increase, and the static in your ears to grow louder.

“Let’s patch you up, then!” He straightened himself out, walking towards a cabinet and quickly grabbing various tools from different shelves. “While I’m not in the business of playing doctor to someone like you, I can’t deny the Princess.” His voice seemed all too cheery for the rude words he spoke, and that smile on his face never faltered. You briefly thought about him referring to Charlie as “princess,” but quickly dismissed it. You’d think about it later—right now, you had to be ready to make a run for it in case that feeling of doom that loomed over you came to fruition.

Alastor approached you again with a small tray of medical supplies, and pulled thin gloves over his hands with a brief snap, saying something about the importance of being sanitary, but part of you wondered if he was just making more jabs at you regarding his disdain for angels.

Surprisingly he seemed to know what he was doing, working quickly with different types of wipes and stitches and gauze. He was being rougher than likely necessary, pretending to accidentally poke a claw into your open wound and pressing his tools far too firm against your sore skin. You bore it with gritted teeth and narrowed eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of putting you through a miserably painful half hour. 

After it was finally over you drew out a long sigh and watched as he discarded the gloves and washed his hands. And washed his hands. And washed his hands. And… still he’s washing his hands. You began to wish you counted the seconds.

He turned to you after finally finishing up, shaking water off his hands. He didn’t seem to recognize that he was flicking droplets directly on you. If you weren’t in such a weak state and absolutely terrified of him, you probably would’ve made some effort to stop him, but now… you opted to let him get away with it. For now.

“Now, if that’s all…” He turned, waving a hand at you dismissively. “I’d prefer you keep out of my business from here on.”

No fucking problem, you agreed to yourself. He didn’t even have to ask. You couldn’t imagine bearing to be around him unless absolutely necessary. Though, in an effort to maintain pleasantries…

“Thanks, though,” You called, not trying to hide the hint of dislike in your tone. Your words made him stop, hand just barely hovering over the knob to the door. After a brief moment, his head turned slightly, just enough for him to look at you out of the corner of his eye.

Although it was brief, you saw a glint of what you assumed was malice in his eye as his lips twitched and curled, momentarily revealing the black of his gums. His face quickly returned to his regular facade of cheer. He opened the door, not saying anything in return, and quickly took his leave, slamming the door behind him.

You drug your hands down your eyes, looking at yourself once again in the mirror. Cleaner now, but still rough. You thought deeply about what your future here would be like, especially around Alastor. If he was truly Charlie’s right-hand-man, you doubted avoiding him would be easy, despite how desperately you wanted to.

Yeah. This is Hell.

[daisyanonnl]

THIS IS A COPY AND PASTED REPOST FOR THE PURPOSE OF SPREADING THE MESSAGE AS PORTER HAS NOW TURNED OFF REBLOGS ON THE ORIGINAL POST, THEREFORE MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR OTHERS REBLOG MY STATEMENT UNDERNEATH HIS POST. THIS VERSION WILL CONTAIN AN EDIT WITH ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

Hello, I am the victim in this situation. I am using an alternate account in order to protect my identity. I planned not to address this, but I feel like I need to in order to leave no room for misinterpretation and to bring myself mental peace. Trigger warning for grooming and tickling. Please read at your own discretion!!

Me and Porter had been friends for half a year. I cut ties with them soon after when I realized what was happening to me. This was the DM I received from a concerned individual within his Discord server that really solidified the gravity of the situation for me:

They then proceeded put me in contact with another concerned party after this DM. One of concerns they showed within the DM regarding the "sketch pages" is referring to these sketches that Porter made featuring both of our Welcome Home characters made in an online drawing game.

The images above showcase his adult OC Porter tickling my OC, who is a teenager. Given the age of my character and the fact that I am a teenager too, he shouldn't have made these. Regardless of if I started it or not. The responsibility lies with the adult, not the child. No adult should ever indulge in these actions alongside a child, as it's highly inappropriate. Especially since it has been proven that tickling has previously been a fetish for him. Even if it isn't anymore, that doesn't negate the inappropriate nature of his actions towards me.

Another concern raised later was regarding a "fanfiction" Porter wrote including his OC, and a caricature of me being tickled by his character. Again, the character included is supposed to represent me - a minor. I will warn in advance that the screenshots below may or may not be slightly out of order.

Think of this what you will, but this is not appropriate behavior to engage in with a child, regardless of the circumstances. Porter has not deleted this fic, which makes me highly uncomfortable to know that he is actively has this saved even after everything that he has been found guilty of. Another individual within the server voice chat advised Porter not to write this, as it would be extremely alarming, and not okay. This was said when he mentioned writing it, before he actually did. He agreed, even acknowledging the dangerous nature of doing this. And yet, he still decided to go through with it later. This, however, barely scrapes the surface of the disgusting and alarming nature of his DM's and messages in his server towards me. I will apply a trigger warning accordingly for grooming with what is about to be shown.

(His profile picture is censored because it shows artwork made by an individual who is uninvolved, and I do not wish for them to be found via this artwork and possibly harassed.)

He has stated before multiple times within voice chat that if our messages were exposed into the public, he could get into serious trouble. Despite this, he persisted. His discord admin excused his actions on account that I "consented" and was comfortable with this behavior. But the glaring problem here is that minors cannot consent.

It was in his hands to make sure he kept me safe, and he failed to do so. He knew that I am a vulnerable, neglected, touch-starved and attention-starved teenager, and that I would not question him. No matter his "intentions" with me, it is still clear to see that he groomed me. Grooming does not always need to be explicitly sexual to be considered as such. Grooming is not a black and white issue. It's a very nuanced subject and can be hard to detect by even adults. He has also compared our interactions to "sibling tickle fights".

I've personally never seen siblings tickle eachother while calling one another "cute", using pet names, and putting one another in a "lee" and "ler" category. These are behaviors that I've seen strictly in the fetishistic areas of the tickling community. I've also never seen this behavior shared between parents and their children. Even if this was "play" between siblings or parents and their kids, it wouldn't make it any less alarming. This is not simply "innocent horseplay" as he tries to say. This is something far more sinister.

I come from a very broken home. Porter made me feel special. He made me feel safe. He made me feel cared about and loved, more than any adult figure in my life has made me feel, and for this reason I grew heavily attached to him. He knew full well about my home situation and my fragile mental state, and this is why he felt content to take advantage of me. He was also aware about my emotional attachment to him. Himself, as well as his close friend circle who were also very close to me, acknowledged that he is careless in how he interacts with younger individuals. This gives even more reasons for him to stop interacting with minors altogether.

Another individual within his friend circle, who works closely with preschoolers may I add, has been defending this disgusting behavior and insisting that what happened to me wasn't grooming, and that I'm "hurting real victims" by saying this. This individual goes by Beauregardent/Museicorne/Darlingdoeling on most platforms; one being Twitter.

This message was forwarded to me by an uninvolved third party.) This absolutely shattered me. It felt as if they literally spat in my face. I am absolutely appalled and horrified that this is an opinion held by someone who works with toddlers between the ages of 3-5. It does not matter if it was "intentional" or not, what matters is that he was still complicit in acting in this way towards me. The fact that he has stated many times that his behavior could get him in trouble, is very evident that he knew what he was doing was wrong.

Beauregardent and Porter's server moderator have both stated that he committed "groomer actions" but that he's not actually a bonafide groomer. This point is obviously chocked full of nonsensical semantics, and to say this is spitting in the face of not only me, but other victims who have been in my shoes and have been traumatized. It's literally like saying: "Well, the kidnapper did kidnapper actions, but they're not a kidnapper! They had good intentions when they kidnapped that child!"

Surprise, surprise. The floor is made of floor.

The fact that Porter has turned off and hidden certain comments on this post shows me that he is not willing to face the consequences and rightful backlash from this situation. He has proved that he is only trying to save face.

This situation has traumatized me greatly and has caused me extreme emotional distress. These are the effects of grooming. The individuals who confronted me about this situation are also victims of grooming, and have compared their situations to my own to further emphasis their concerns. I have also spoken with many other victims of grooming after this situation, and all have expressed their grief and heartbreak for me. A majority of them approached me first.

This is really all I have to say for now, and if any additional information is needed I will update this post accordingly. I believe I've covered the entire basis of this situation, on my side at least.

This post will serve as a compilation of necessary evidence for others to view and make educated decisions. As well as to make my statement and my opinions, and my sheer pain with this situation be known. I don't wish to address this any further for my own mental peace and safety. This account will remain, as I do not plan on letting my pain go unheard, nor do I want Porter to have ample room to misinterpret and get away with what he did to me. I am healing. I'm taking the necessary steps to feel better after what happened. Thank you.

EDIT:::

I know I said I wouldn't address this further, but I feel it is necessary to include an extra piece of information which has been brought to my attention.

It is apparent that Porter is attempting to make a comeback even after all of this happened. This is very concerning. I'd like others, especially minors, to be aware and stay safe. If you click the notes on this post and view the accounts of individuals that liked it, you will find that some of them happen to be minors. I'm very worried for them, and frankly appalled that Porter is trying to sneak his way back onto Tumblr after everything he's been found guilty of. He also still has minors in his Discord server - one of which is being protected by an adult who stated they were only staying there to keep the minor safe in Porters presence, as the minor is not willing to leave the server.

After I contributed my statement to his original post, he switched off the reblogs. I was already well aware that he wasn't willing to take proper accountability for his actions, but this has given me even more proof of such.

This is all for now, and I may make more updates if anything vital comes to light. Love you all. Thank you for hearing out my story. Please stay safe and cautious. Especially to all of you younger individuals.

[bellybiologist]

Tallying up the Year

I hope you guys' december (which is almost over already, wtf) is going/has gone well! 2024 is upon us.

This christmas weekend, I mostly found myself thinking about how this year went, and honestly? despite all the things I haven't gotten to do, I still managed to accomplish quite a lot.

Me typing this rambly post out is less anything anyone needs to read, but more to remind myself of Things That Got Done™ than anything else because sometimes... I forget I do be getting shit done! And it's important we remind ourselves of the work we do.

The Things That got Done™

I advocated for my own Health. I scheduled (and went to!) so many doctor and dental appointments this year, holy shit. But, if the last few years have taught me anything, I simply have to put in the effort. I got my colon mostly sorted out, started a new regimen for my skin and hair (after chopping it off) so I'm feeling better, schedule an appointment with the optometrist in January, and even got lots of issues with my teeth fixed. Granted, our broken medical system made it incredibly stressful, and i spent thousands of dollars on the latter that I will be paying off til next july BUT!!!! This section is about the good things.

Started Streaming Again! I've been missing streaming since I stopped way back in I believe 2020. It was a fun way to interact with followers and supporters, so I'm glad I'm back to it on a regular schedule, with many of the old regulars still joining me while I work. Speaking of which:

I finished 43 total stream doodles. While I'm only filling a handful a month, it's definitely adding up! 40+ boys in the span of 5 months is nothing to scoff at, and that's not even considering that I'm doing this alongside normal patreon work.

I finished 39 total commissions this year. I'm definitely still going quite slowly, and I thank everyone who has been extraordinarily patient thus far, but I'm happy to say that my pace has been decent... at least relative to previous years. I got more done in the last 5 months than i did in the roughly year and a half period before 2023!

Replaced SEVERAL appliances that broke down. My computer moniter, my microwave, my refrigerator... all failed on my this year, and it took some work, but I finally managed to get them all replaced! So far, everything is working fine, but next on my agenda is to save up for a new desktop. This one I use for work has been at it since 2017, and it's about time to look into upgrading.

My Google Drive is Looking Nice. It's still not perfect, but I'm still immensely proud of how it's shaping up. There's still some curating of older pieces to do, but I've found a stride where I'm regularly updating it for people to peruse.

=====

Now despite these W's, I still got a long way to go. The things below could be considered resolutions for 2024, but that feels cursed to call them that. They are simply:

Things I Want to GET Done

Adding more YCH Figures. I was definitely expecting to have more to choose from by this point. And I really need to update some of the older ones too, because I think they've aged poorly. I got some neat suggestions and hopefully will find some time this week to showcase them in my discord to collect some feedback before releasing them.

Do more involved pieces/projects. I want to do more things like Comics, or simply pieces that I work on over the course of several sittings, ones where I can experiment and fiddle and practice!!! I rarely ever get to do that these days (I've only finished a few Big Personal Pieces this year), and I need to find time and energy to do them more because those are the things that truly make me feel like I grow as an artist. (and maybe I can find a shading style I actually fucking tolerate.). I also want to get more OC development and stuff done too, cuz I really didn't draw my children a whole lot this year!

Make more fucking Money!!!!! Let's not kid ourselves. I want to get to a point where I'm not just barely meeting the monthly quota. How to get there? I don't know, honestly. Things are so very stacked against artists right now, so it really does feel like the only thing that can be done is Not Give Up. Which I won't do. If/when I go down, I'm making it everyone else's problem. Trust. 😏

Save up to Visit the Boyfriend. I haven't seen him since January 2022! Big goal is to be comfortable enough to where I can fly my ass up there and smooch him. 👏🏽

======

I won't lie, i'm going into 2024 quite anxious and still scraping by by the skin of my teeth (that I'm still paying for). It's going to be a BIG year cuz oh boy, it's election year, there's plenty of family developments i gotta keep an eye on and work to be a part of... not to mention all the horrible stuff going on still (free palestine!).

Here's hoping shit goes our way this coming year! And let's get ,more strikes going so everyone is getting their fucking money!!! :V

[thekingwhowouldhavebeen]

Michael In Prison

Character List: Michael C!Dream C!Sam C!Quackity

Trigger Warning:

Read at your own risk

-Child Abuse -Child Neglect -Depictions of Torture and Abuse

Note before going into this- I saw the-final-sif’s Convict Childcare au and please note that there is no correlation! I created this AU on the Rainy Weather discord server and only found the child care au today! However, it is really amazing and please please go check it out. I binged reading it all day and its so so good!!!

----------------------------

This is an Au where the events that led to Sam getting Michael happened a LOT sooner than planned. In his panic of not having anywhere to place Michael, Quackity comes up with the ‘brilliant’ plan of “Why don’t we put Michael in with Dream?”

Lets get into the Au then :D

-Dream is a Dragon Hybrid, specifically an Albino Ender Dragon. He used to have wings, however Sam cut them off after a month or two in the prison due to them being a ‘security risk’ and the amount of times Sam got hit by them. Now, most of his draconic traits are patches of scales, fanged teeth, horns, sharp nails and his vertical-slit pupils. He can also snarl, growl and purr but cannot breathe fire (well he can, but its a huge risk since it can burn him from the inside). He has a lot of draconic instincts as well, and falls into a more ‘feral’ state as his mental health decreases. 

-Michael is of course a baby zombie Piglin, and technically an ‘enemy’ to End Creatures. He used to be terrified of Ranboo when he first met him, but now he doesn’t have the instinct to be afraid of End-Born Creatures. He was found alone in the Nether Wastes by Tubbo and Ranboo, and loves his parents very much.  He cannot speak, both common and Piglin (he’s completely silent), but knows a few signs such as Food/Hungry, More, Tired and a few similar things just so he can start to communicate with his parents. Tubbo and Ranboo are learning to really understand sign first before they start really teaching Michael. 

-Sam originally had Michael in his base, however stuck between guarding the prison, letting Quackity in and out, potentially having to heal Dream and then having to also take care of a high needs child, found that it was much too difficult to juggle everything. Next he puts Michael in one of the jail cells, but then finds that Michael is not doing well since he is a Piglin and needs social interaction. That's when Quackity comes in and says “Why not shove him in with Dream?”

-Sam says no at first, deciding to put more focus on ‘caring’ for Michael, but finds himself growing increasingly frustrated. Michael is constantly terrified of him, crying a lot and Sam gets headaches every time he enters the cell. Then he thinks “Hey, if anything, Dream will kill Michael and put me out of my damn misery...and properly piss off a lot of the server since Michael is MUCH younger than Tommy”. He doesn’t even consider the idea of Dream actually liking Michael.

-About 3 weeks of Michael alone in the cell, he is then transferred to the main prison cell. 

-He is rightly terrified of Dream at first. He had no idea what to expect of this strange person who smelled of blood and stench, or what this person would want from him. So for the first few days, he’s keeping his distance despite shivering and craving contact. It isn’t until Dream makes the first move, asking him if he wants to come over to him with slightly opened arms that gets Michael to throw himself into his arms and being brought into a tight hug. 

-That’s the start of their bond. Dream is giving Michael most of his food, even if its barely enough to keep Dream functioning. Especially since they only seem to be getting a potato each and Dream is giving Michael half of his own potato. Dream keeps Michael warm, and tries his best to entertain him with stories of adventures when he was younger, or pretending to find shapes within the lava. Sometimes if Dream can find the strength to do so, he will sing Michael lullabies when he’s having trouble sleeping.

-Dream teaches Michael proper sign. Wanting to communicate with the little Piglin more now that he finally has company. He knows sign through both Callahan and a desire to be able to communicate with a lot of people (he knows quite a few languages and learning Spanish through the torture sessions with Quackity). Michael is a quick learner, and seems to take Dream’s teachings really well. 

-Once Michael asks what happened to Dream, but Dream just plays it off like “I got hurt, but I am okay now little one”

-Its about a month until Quackity decides he wants to return. Annoyed that Sam has been keeping him from Dream for so long, and says he can handle a stupid Piglin. Plus its just a kid, what could Michael do?

-So he returns, and immediately when Dream realizes as he hears Quackity’s voice, he tells him “We have a new game now, I want you to close your eyes and face that wall okay bud? Put your hands over your ears and I want you to count all the way to 100, if you mess up, start over okay?”

-Of course, Michael listens. He can hear Dream’s urgency, and does what he says. He keeps going, restarting since he still is so young and can barely get to 20 without messing up. He only stops when he feels Dream’s hand on his shoulder to which he opens his eyes and looks at Dream. There seems to be fresh wounds, and Michael can smell the pain radiating off of him. 

-Dream teaches Michael how to sign his name that day, as well as Ranboo’s and Tubbo’s name. Michael then spells out Dream’s name, before signing ‘family’ with a bright white smile. Dream just pulls him close. 

-Quackity comes back every day. Michael only looked back once, and wakes up with squealing nightmares when he dreams of Dream crying as Quackity sliced across his skin. 

-Dream stopped screaming or making noises. He knows that Michael knows something is wrong, but he refuses to let the kid know the extent. Quackity hates it, and deals his frustration out with more grueling and horrifying methods of torture. All to get Dream to scream. 

-Quackity once tried to target Michael. Grabbing him and bringing the knife to just garner some reaction out of Dream. This resulted with Dream’s hands around Quackity’s throat, his claws digging into his neck as he snarled and threatened “Don’t you EVER touch him again”. Sam had to rip Dream off of him and Michael went running to Dream who wrapped himself around him protectively. 

-Dream sometimes purrs when Michael is having a hard time calming down. Michael usually falls asleep when he does so. 

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Two. Jackbox Shenanigans

warnings: swearing word count: 2.6k (not including pictures) behind the screen (irl dream x reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

Y/n flinched awake, startled by the sounds traveling from the kitchen. Once again, the frosty air pricked her skin, trying to convince her to not move, to stay in bed under the warm blankets. Despite the feeling pulling her into her bed, she rubbed her eyes and sat up, grabbing her phone from her nightstand. Texts from Karl flooded her screen and she replied as she took her comforter off her mattress and wrapped it around herself. She pattered to the source of the noise to find her roommate was making food.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Naomi asked, eyes wide with concern as she looked at Y/n. "I dropped a pan."

Y/n, who was observing the world through one squinted eye, shook her head and she sat at the counter in the kitchen. "No, I should be awake anyway."

"You're usually awake much earlier. Late night?"

Y/n nodded. "George streamed and we all talked for a little after."

"Oh, yeah, I watched his stream this morning..." she started, eyes focused on the food in front of her but Y/n still caught the mischievous glint in her roommate's eyes.

"Of course you did," Y/n laughed through a yawn. "That's your lover."

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Maybe if you gave me his number he would be."

"He doesn't give it to many people. I just barely got it and I've been friends with him for a year. I'm pretty sure Karl doesn't even have it."

Naomi groaned, though Y/n knew it was a joke... for the most part. She got another text from Karl, and consulted Naomi for a second opinion.

"Should I post this?" Y/n asked, lazily holding up her phone with a picture on the screen. Naomi squinted as she looked back over her shoulder. "Karl keeps yelling at me too."

"Yeah! That's a cute outfit. Make sure to credit Karl or he'll yell at you for that as well."

"No chance I'm doing that."

.

Incoming FaceTime... karol <3

Y/n hit accept and held the phone up to make a face at Karl. He mimicked the position. "Hello, sir."

"Hello, ma'am."

"What are you doing?" she asked him, walking to the bathroom to brush her teeth, her comforter dragging on the floor behind her as it continued to protect her from the cold.

Karl got distracted and started messing with something out of the camera view. "Um, trying to figure out what to do for my stream tonight. What about you?"

"I'm waiting for you to give me a fit check!" Y/n yelled. Karl quickly looked at the camera and smiled. He set his phone down on his desk and ran backward so his whole body was in frame. He posed awkwardly a few different ways before running back and resuming his position.

"Yes!" Y/n hyped with a mouthful of toothpaste. "Let's go, Karl! Karl with the old man sweater!!"

He giggled. "You're the one that told me to buy it."

"Because it's sick. Doesn't mean it didn't belong to an old man before you."

Karl pouted before his face lit up. "Guess what. I met a girl."

"Oh?" Y/n cooed. "Where? Do you have pictures? Is she cute?"

"She's Jimmy's new cameraman. Camerawoman. I don't have pictures, and yes. She's very cute." His cheeks turned red and Y/n smiled, flipping off the bathroom light and heading to her closet. She threw her comforter back on the bed and tried to pick out an outfit.

"Come on, bud, elaborate. What's her name? Have you asked her out yet?"

"You don’t get to know her name, I don’t want to jinx anything. Plus, you’ll just look ‘Mr Beast crew’ and find out anyway. Also, no, I haven’t. I'm pretty sure she thinks I hate her because I have not said a single word to her. I get so nervous when she's around I freeze up and just like... act weird. And then as soon as she's gone, Chris freaking roasts me so bad."

"Aw, I can teach you how to flirt if you want!"

"Yeah, okay," he scoffed, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"What's with the attitude? I'm great at flirting."

"No, you're not. I watched Gogy's stream last night."

"What does that have anything to do with anything?"

"I heard the way you spoke to Dream."

"What?!"

"You have zero game, Y/n. Absolutely none. Zilch, if you will."

"Yeah, because I wasn't flirting with him?"

"Not successfully, at least."

"Karl, what?" Y/n laughed but she was so confused. "No part of me was trying to flirt with anyone in that stream."

"Oh, come on," Karl groaned. "Don't do this again. Don't pretend to not like a guy and then cry to me when you're wack ass attempts don't win him over."

"Karl," Y/n started, looking directly at him. "I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I wasn't flirting with him. I do not like him."

"I'm just saying, you talk about him a lot. Like, you always panic when he interacts with your posts because you're scared he's going to DM you right after. And you gush about him a lot."

"I do not gush. I admire the hard work he puts into his videos but I talk the same about him as I do with George and Sapnap. The only difference is I'm friends with them and not Mr. Minecraft. He's intimidating, that doesn't mean I have a crush on him."

Karl stared for a moment, trying to read Y/n's expression to detect any lies. "You'd tell me if you did, right?"

"Karl, I tell you everything. I'd tell you if I murdered your family." They both laughed. "It's impossible to hide anything from you, you're my best friend."

"Okay, sweet, but please don't murder my family, just to be clear."

"I won't. I love your mom too much."

"Well, how was meeting Dream, then? Despite apparently not being in love with him?"

"It was cool. Terrifying because it felt very forced but the four of us hung out on the call after George ended his stream and he was much more relaxed."

"That's true. Aren't we all?"

"Not you! You're the exact same person on and off camera. Just a little ball of giggles."

Karl giggled which made them both laugh more. Suddenly, as if he completely forgot until that moment, Karl sat up quickly and yelled, "What am I going to do for the stream?"

Y/n shrugged. "See if anyone wants to play Jackbox. Chat always loves those and it's relatively easy to throw together last minute. You just need to find people that are free to play."

"Genius. Who should we invite?"

"We?"

"Yeah. It was your idea, you have to play."

"But, I've never played! And I barely know all your friends so I wouldn't get half the inside jokes. I'd be a boring addition."

"Please? They're your friends too! You just talked to Sapnap and George for four hours yesterday and George was the only one playing anything. That's friendship if I've ever seen it."

"But... others.... like literally everyone besides Sap and George...."

"Things like this are how you get to know them better. Besidessss, you're never boring."

"Fine, I'll play."

"YES!" he shouted. "Okay, who should we invite?"

**********

**********

Y/n huffed and scooted her chair closer to her desk. She pulled up Discord and hovered over the voice chat everyone was in. An overwhelming number of voices chaotically spoke over each other as soon as she joined.

"Oh no," she mumbled.

"AYYEE!!" a voice yelled, the green bubble lighting around Quackity's name confirming her suspicions.

"Aye," she said back less enthusiastic. "Hi everyone."

"She's here!" George cheered.

Y/n could hear Sapnap huff. "Finally. Geesh."

"This isn't even your stream, calm down." Y/n's eyes scanned the names on the left to read who else was involved in tonight's games. She had suggested a few people to Karl but wasn't sure about the final list. Besides the boys who had already greeted her were BadBoyHalo and Dream.

"Hello, Bugsy! It's nice to meet you! I'm BadBoyHalo."

Y/n smiled widely at his voice. "Hi, BadBoyHalo! Nice to meet you too."

Her eyes slowly traveled to the last name on the list, which had yet to greet her. She wasn't bitter, but she was curious why he hadn't said anything yet. The boys hyped up him talking about her so much but she had yet to feel that energy from him. She picked at the bottom of her hoodie, eyes darting between the names as they lit up when someone spoke.

"Is Dream still AFK?" Sapnap asked.

"I think so," Bad replied.

Maybe that's the only reason he hadn't said anything. Y/n felt stupid for thinking it had anything to do with her.

"He's probably coding something or something like that," George teased.

"Haha nerdy ass man," Quackity cackled.

"Language."

"Don't you also code shit, George?" Sapnap called out. "You're probably helping him test something after this, huh? As Quackity said, nerdy ass man."

"You know what, Sapnap? I'm not sure I like your attitude all that much."

Y/n smiled. Despite feeling nervous, she was already having fun just listening to everyone talk. The real nerves would kick in when they were live in front of tens of thousands of people and she would have to be funny.

A message popped up in the general chat, notifying everyone that Karl was joining the voice call soon so they shouldn't say anything bad.

"Everyone say something weird," Quackity directed.

Discord dinged and Karl's name joined the list on the side. "AAAHHHH-!" he started yelling over everyone to let them know he was here in case they were saying anything bad. With his luck, they were going to say stuff anyway to mess with him.

"So, yeah, that's how I lost my virginity," Quackity said as if he just finished a story.

"To a prostitute?" Sapnap added quickly. "Wow, I never thought you... oh Karl!"

"Language!" Bad gasped.

"What the..." Karl laughed loudly. "What did I just join?"

"Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry," Quackity apologized, which was hard to make out since he was laughing so hard, surprised at what Sapnap added to his joke.

"Bad, you can't say language about a prostitute," Sapnap defended. "That's really rude of you. Maybe it's a little unconventional but they're just tryna make some money the best way they know how."

George laughed with Quackity as Bad sputtered. "I-I said language about what Quackity said!"

"What, virginity?" Karl asked innocently and Bad yelled again.

"Bad hates people who have had sex!" Y/n called, causing Quackity to laugh loudly.

"Bad! How could you?! That's so messed up!"

"Wait, guys, is everyone here?" Karl asked.

"Dream isn't. We don't know where he went."

Karl groaned and started typing something, presumably yelling at Dream to join.

"Let's goooo! We're popping off!" Quackity started saying, stalling. "We're popping off!" George joined him, becoming absolute fools to keep the chat entertained.

"Okay, he's here!" Karl said. "Everyone's here!"

"I'm here, I'm here, sorry. I was... yeah, sorry," Dream stuttered out.

"Welcome back, Dream!" Bad chirped.

"Hello!" he replied. Unexpectedly, his next greeting was directed at Y/n. "Hi, Bug."

Y/n instantly got shy for no discernable reason. She blamed it on his voice and its ability to manipulate emotions any way he wanted. That and she was getting attention from someone first. "Hi," she squeaked back, hoping the contrast of her icy hands would cool her face enough to focus on the game.

"Bugsy, you are adorable," Bad stated simply.

"Sapnap! What did you just send me?" George asked loudly, and just like that, the attention was off of her and she could breathe again.

"What?" Sapnap feigned innocence.

This was going to be a long game.

"Let's play!" Karl decided. "Should we warm up with some Quippy?"

Y/n focused intensely on her answers, silently hoping the others would find her funny.

"Oh my gosh," she mumbled as everyone else finished writing. "Y'all, I'm about to get Quiplashed so hard. Don't make fun of me."

"I seriously doubt it," Dream said. "You can't possibly be worse than George at this game."

"Shut up, we always-  it's like 3 am my time. I can't, like, think of things 'cause my brain isn't functioning."

"Yeah, that's why," Sapnap teased.

"Surreee," Dream said.

The first round wasn't too bad. Y/n was in 5th place but she got quite a few laughs so she didn't care too much about where she stood. She got a notification from Dream on Twitter as everyone laughed at one of Quackity's answers.

Y/n looked back at her screen and saw the new prompt and answers. She read them quickly as everyone was laughing and with a few seconds left to choose, voted for the one on the left. It was funnier anyway.

She loosened up substantially after another round, and she knew it was mostly because Dream had reached out to her. Something about him comforted her and made her feel safe, which warmed her heart.

"Bugsy! What the hell, that's so messed up. You're so messed up," Quackity yelled, laughing at the answer on the screen. They were playing Survive the Internet and her comment got taken way out of context, just as the game intended.

"Oh my gosh!" Karl cackled loudly. "Bugsy, I didn't know you felt that way. Oh my gosh? They're just kids?? Bugsy out the gang?"

Y/n hid her face in her hands and laughed. "Noooo!! Wait I never knew- I didn't know I was ever in the gang?"

"She really said, 'infant children? slaughter them all'," Sapnap joked.

"You know, I think you'd get along really well with Technoblade," Dream added. "Though his specialty is orphans, as it appears."

"No, no, no, whoever wrote that heading is SO messed up!" Y/n defended, rereading the heading that made her comment look bad. She knew it was a game but all the attention on her was making her embarrassed. "Who would think to put that?"

"Everyone cancel Busgy!" Karl yelled.

"Karl, no! You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"I don't know how I feel about my best friend killing children..."

"Karl!!"

"Nooo," Bad protested softly. "I like Bugsy. Don't cancel her."

"Everyone vote!"

The article with Y/n's name turned out to be Dream's. "Dream! What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled, causing him to wheeze loudly.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wanted point."

The whole night ended up being like that. Y/n had a lot of fun and by the end, she felt a lot more comfortable with all of them. Quackity, Karl, and Sapnap were loud and very high energy while George and Bad were quieter. Dream was half and half, sometimes matching Quackity's volume and sometimes going a while without saying a word. Overall, Y/n had a lot of fun and hoped to let back in the gang in the future.

**********

PREVIOUS • NEXT

**********

A/N: WOOO PART TWOOO!! Hope you guys enjoyed this part! Also thank you so much for all the love on the first part!! I did not expect it to get as much attention as it did!!!!!

we clearly haven’t got to dream and yn being close yet bc they literally met the day before this but i added a small little dream/yn moment :] pls let me know how you liked this part!!!!!!!!!!!! 

taglist: OPEN (at the time) @hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @letsloveimagines @erwinss @just-a-stan

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

hey, i know i don’t interact much with mechs tumblr, but for those that do: please don’t interact with tumblr user alderations. they dated a friend of mine despite a predatory age gap, knowingly involved them discussions that would trigger them and defended writing rape and underage smut of characters. details under the cut

first off, i’m writing this because it’s an incredibly triggering topic for my friend, but because alderations is such a popular blogger in the fandom, they wanted someone to warn any potential future victim. as such, i’m keeping their name out of this post. if you want more information, i can ask, but do NOT ask me who this is about. if you think you know who this is about, please don’t contact them about this, even if it’s just to check in/let them know you’re blocking alderations. we appreciate the sentiment, but this isn’t a topic they want to think about any more than they have to.

also, i have alderations blocked. we haven’t interacted, and i have no interest in speaking to someone who’s hurt my friend, especially anything they have to say in response to this post.

a slightly more detailed tw, before I begin pulling out the receipts i’ve been given: one of triggering topics is a discussion of whether or not something is considered an incestous relationship. that will be the last screenshot i send. 

proof of the age gap:

This is a screenshot of a private message between my friend and alderations. as you can see, their discord handle is the same as their tumblr url. They knew each other for a total of three weeks when this conversation took place. Despite him acknowledging the unhealthiness of any romantic interaction between the two, adlerations continued to flirt with an 18 y/o they barely knew.

defense of another mechanism writer’s rape fics:

my friend brings up an important issue. Alderations immediately shoots it down, claiming that the writer in question is totally a good person, and leverages his friendship with the writer to make my friend back down. the proper reaction to hearing someone say “hey, this person is doing someone harmful” is not to talk about how guilty this makes you feel. my friend attempts to voice their own discomfort at the friends this writer keeps, and alderations immediate reaction is to say how bad that makes them feel, and how everyone the writer knows is too nice to cut contact with. any attempt at discussing this topic becomes impossible because of this guilt-tripping, guiltripping that places my friend as the bad person for having a reasonable reaction to someone writing rape. 

alderations insists that they don’t support this kind of material, yet does everything in his power to stop my friend from condemning it. if you’re against rapefics, you should be against rapefics. you do not make an exception because your friend is the one posting it. and you do not get to claim you understand that the people you’ve been hanging out with are questionable, while making jokes about people who have been triggered by their work

EDIT (2/19/2021): someone who read this post recognized the fic writer my friend and alderations was talking about here and wanted me to add their experience of being in a discord chat with both alderations and their friend, who is aunt-zelda and sent me this message:

couldnt help but notice I think I was mentioned in it wrt that part abt an author making a note in their kinktober fic saying “stay tf away if u interact w this user”

Is that user perchance @aunt-zelda, bc if you need anyone to vouch further to the predatory bullshit of alderations being friends w her, I’m more than happy to add my voice

I was in the mechs nsfw discord for a while before I got kicked for “suicide baiting” predators (translation: telling rape/incest/etc writers to get hit by a bus) meanwhile a vast majority of fic writers in there were just tossing around all manner of disturbing assault plots for their fics, including aunt-Zelda, so u can imagine the priorities

essentially: there is no way alderations was not aware what this writer was doing. nothing my friend told him should have come as a surprise

also, this (tw incest):

it’s worth noting that, as my friend says, they have sibling trauma. topics about siblings in relationships is incredibly triggering for them, and alderations not only asked without warning, but phrased it as though it would be a fun question about polamory. i don’t know what to say to this. clearly, he was aware that it was a potentially triggering topic, because his reaction to the thought of someone he was dating (aka, my friend) also dating a sibling was to immediately cut off all contact. so like... what was the point of bringing this up, other than to purposely trying to upset your partner? do you care about winning this argument that much?

that’s really all i have to say. if anyone has any anything they’d like to add, feel free to pass them along, but my main purpose of this post isn’t a callout, or to shame alderations for their actions. it’s just my friend noticing a pattern of their behavior that’s been harmful. i won’t say that alderations is incapable of changing their behavior. i don’t want their growth to be at the expense of anyone else’s safety. If you’re a minor, please just block them.

EDIT: my friend made their own addition to this post, but because this post is still going around, and because they’re uncomfortable seeing a reminder of this in their notifications, i’m posting their thoughts below.

in regards to the screenshot above, regarding polyamory:

ive seen people in re: the original post calling it a perfectly acceptable question which it absolutely is not. if you think it is perfectly acceptable to ask an incest survivor questions about incest with no warnings and no opportunity to say “please ask someone else because this is a topic triggering to me” rethink that.

aside from a handful of jokes about religious trauma causing religion kinks, i had never said anything about sexualizing my own trauma, especially not this trigger that came about through the abuse i experienced from my brother. they knew it was incredibly triggering to me — to the point that even photographs of ink on skin can trigger flashbacks — and asked me this despite that.

i’d also like to note that not only did alderations ask this despite knowing my friends trauma, but upon being reminded about said trauma, they kept making jokes. a few people have approached me asking to know if the situation was “that bad” but that’s a conversation you need to be having with yourself. i’ve talked to friends about this situation, and all of them agreed that i had given all the information needed to form a decision. i don’t think i was wrong to assume that anyone demanding to see the entire backlog of these conversations, conversations so triggering my friend could barely even pull out these few screenshots, was approaching me in bad faith. if at any point it seemed as though i was not cooperating, it’s because having people approaching me to defend someone who i know solely as my friends abuser can be incredibly triggering. for those of you who did genuinely want more context, though, i hope this addition helps.

[appocalipse]

About thr less and less fandom interaction

In general the fandom slows down after a few months of the release of a show or season, so it's normal that fics will get less notes or the amount of fics that are written goes down significantly, because the initial hype is slowly dying. Which is sad to see, people nowadays (at least I'm guilty of it) can't hold their attention onto one thing for a longer period of time. It's also due to that we are constantly getting new stuff because of streaming. Netflix and co, come up with new stuff every month that is good so it's easy to get roped into other stuff and lose focus on that one thing.

I've been here since 2019 (not on this blog but I had another before) and basically in 2020/21 and even in the beginning of this year the ST fandom was not very active, there were less fanfics or interactions (from my perspective as I was also in other fandoms). In 2020 there was a short time during the pandemic that was pretty active, because most people had to stay home, rediscover the show etc. I found many new blogs during that time that are still around, but in those two years there were times, where they were barely online because there was no new content really.

Plus like others said, fandom nowadays is so much more spread out on different sites. For example many people here also use Discord, they have their groups there. Then we have tiktok, which no thank you for me because the takes I've seen give me a headache. Reddit is also huge, like twitter, tumblr and various fanfiction sites to publish your stuff. Sometimes I wish we could have less places, to have a tighter community.

Tumblr is my fav site despite the glaring issues we have on here, I def think due to the new labels some content gets lost because not everyone has them on but I like the vibe here more than on twitter or tiktok.

Also in terms of fics, we just had promptober/smutober a lot of stuff was posted this month, I think it's natural people wanting to get a break, recharge for 12 days of Christmas for example.

A year from now we will even have less content, until the new season starts and depending on the end of the show the fandom will slowly die out over time, as sadly as it is.

You've said it all! I agree with everything. Sadly, the fandom will probably start dying down, especially after the final season. </3

I'll be here for as long as I can, though. I love tumblr, l love the vibe as you said and for me, it's the best place to post fics and interact with the community. I think the only thing we can do for now is enjoy the time we have left, make it count, reblog, leave comments, interact…

Also, the anon earlier was saying that the interaction was dying down in all fandoms, I think, not only for ST. I have no idea why, though 🥺 I'm hoping it'll get better as we approach Christmas, seeing as people will probably have a little more time to read/write.

[hurricaneonanesthesia]

Love Like You (Dimileth Song Fic)

I’m back baby and much better than ever. I finally got some time to think and work on mending my mental health. So as my gift to all of you lovely people here’s a lyric fic with Dimitri featuring the song “Love Like You” from Steven Universe. I’ve had this idea for a little while because I was initially planning to storyboard it out and create an animatic but I am in no shape or form talented at drawing humans lol, animals tend to be more of my specialty. I still wanted to try and get this out cause I can still imagine it in my head and I don’t quite want to let it go. Reader is Byleth in this cause I didn’t want to mess around too much with the canonical cut-scenes lmao. Just a warning there are spoilers for Azure Moon so if you haven’t played that yet, you have been warned.

~Admin Hurricane

 If I could begin to be

You watched as Dimitri turned away from you, hunched over. Your hand was still extended out, despite him slapping it away. A wounded expression on your face, you gazed down at the floor sadness overcoming you. Felix only grimaced, gently placing a hand on your shoulder, shaking his head. Your eyes lingered on Dimitri for a moment longer before turning away, trying to hold back the tears welling up in your eyes.

Half of what you think of me

Dimitri could hear your footsteps drawing away, his heart aching. He pushed away all the happy memories with you, all the times he had spent with you. No, he wasn’t that person anymore. He was a bloodstained monster who didn’t deserve to walk with you. 

I could do about anything

I could even learn how to love

Was he even allowed to love anymore? He was barely a shell of his former self. All he heard were the voices of the dead urging him forward, he’ll be damned if he didn’t bring them her head.

When I see the way you act

Wondering when I'm coming back

There you were, your feet bringing you back to the cathedral. You looked towards the pile of rubble and as always Dimitri stood there alone, stoic and silent. As cheerfully as you tried to strike up a conversation with him, you were always met with silence or a “go away”. The other Blue Lions would sometimes go with you to try and pry him out of his trance but to no avail.

I could do about anything

I could even learn how to love like you

Did he even deserve you? Compared to everything around him you were like a breath of fresh air. He’s a wretch and deserved no sympathy from anyone. Yet, why did you still approach him like nothing had happened, with a soft smile on your face?

------

 Rodrigue’s death fresh in his mind, Dimitri cried out, “I always thought I might be bad, Now I'm sure that it's true,” his voice cracking from the strain of not being used, crumpling to the ground, “ 'Cause I think you're so good, And I'm nothing like you.” You watched on silently in shock as his words tumbled out. 

Dimitri continued on, “Look at you go, I just adore you. I wish that I knew. What makes you think I'm so special.” You paused, not knowing what to say, your eyes widened. “Dimitri…” you started at first, unsure of how to continue before pulling him into a hug. He visibly stiffened for a moment before leaning into your touch shutting his good eye. 

“Please free yourself from the burden that you’ve placed on yourself,” you smiled sadly cupping his cheek with a hand.

  ------  

If I could begin to do

He tentatively walked up to the balcony, his eyes narrowed against the bright lights, the cheering crowd reaching up to him.

Something that does right by you

He tentatively walked up to the balcony, his eyes narrowed against the bright lights, the cheering crowd reaching up to him.

I would do about anything

I would even learn how to love

He turned back to look at you, his gaze unsure. You gave him a thumbs up, a bright smile on your face. Reassured by you, he turned back to address the audience below him.

  ------

 When I see the way you look

Your chest heaving up and down with exhaustion, you stumbled as you narrowly dodged an attack from Hedgemon Edelgard. You adjusted your grip on your weapon, your hands breaking out into cold sweat.

Shaken by how long it took

A hand reached out to you. Looking up you found Dimitri gazing earnestly back at you. You took his hand smiling softly, as you got back up. The two of you then charged into the throne room with renewed vigor. 

I could do about anything

I could even learn how to love like you

Edelgard was kneeling on the ground. Dimitri approached her, a gentle smile on his face. “El…” was all he could muster out, reaching a hand out. A flash of silver and then red, you watched in horror as Dimitri pulled the knife lodged in his shoulder. You raced over to him, worry written all over your face. But he just smiled and pulled it out, grunting a little from pain. You examined the wound, your brow creased with worry. He took your hand in his, squeezing it gently, trying to reassure you that he was alright. As the two of you approached the exit to the throne room, he turned for a moment looking back at Edelgard’s fallen form. You grabbed his hand shaking your head. Dimitri hesitated for a moment before turning back around, walking towards the light and away from the darkness that had plagued him for so many years.

Love like you

Love me like you

Want more of my writing? Be sure to check out my masterlist :)

If you wanna request something, don’t be afraid to send something my way! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

Anesthesia and I have an official Discord server now! Please be sure to join! There you’ll receive notifications for fics when they’re published right away and be able to interact with us outside of the blog. You’ll also be able to rp and interact with characters from each different fandom that I have written for. Hope to see you there, don’t keep us waiting! https://discord.gg/fEPSkXa3fT 

[tetsustation]

APPRECIATION POST !!

in another words, lina loves her friends a little too much & doesn’t necessarily know the right means of expressing it </3

cass [ @misutv ] — uh im in a sappy mood so if you’re not rockin with the sap please scroll! epic, okay. hi... lol hey. thanks for pushing me to do this. now i know you know that i love you, with my chest! from when we first started talking to all these months later, that feeling hasn’t changed (even though you took two months ALLEGEDLY to warm up). i think our friendship is unique in the sense that i really never expect anything from you, when we’re on the phone or texting it feels natural and when i think of you my first thought is that i want whats best for you. isn’t that crazy? i don’t think i say it enough, but i care a lot about you—about all of you, whatever your feeling at any given moment or whatever project you chose to pursue at the time just know i’m there to back it and never expect anything from you, besides just that—you. i hope this is making some sense, knowing me this might be a bit of a mess, a ramble even. still, i think your exceptional—inside out, i’m really glad to be your best friend even if its just through some silly little app. i appreciate everything you do for me, even if i’m shit at saying so, because its baffling that you feel so inclined to dedicate some time in your day to me—i could melt i think. fair warning, i’m gonna crush your lungs at the airport. all my love loser >:)

hesther [ @hesthermay ] — how many months has it been now? hesther, you are such a solid constant in my life and i literally cannot thank you enough. from our strangely comparative music taste to the oldest sister bonding, i really feel like your the one person i can really resonate with that i haven’t met in person (yet). even if it’s weird to say, i love reading your marvel drabbles and personal pieces because it’s oddly intimate in personal in a way that implies a lot of trust. i know i can rely on you if i need anything, and vice versa. every week i pull you into my world, and the next week you pull me into yours—it’s an entertaining constant that remains me i’m not alone in my silly little struggles. i’m really glad i met you, and i’m so grateful i get to call you my friends (and i get butterflies when you call me butterfly). not to be gross but please don’t stop being you, it makes me smile, thanks hes <3 love you. 

selene [ @hajigumi ] — hey whore (lovingly). we’re coming onto two months now and it doesn’t really feel like it but i guess i’ll take it. honestly, it feels like we’ve known each other for a really long time—maybe its the same timezone thing but you just feel so familiar. i get a little skippy when you tell me that i’m stuck with you because i really love being your friend, its such a comforting experience and i’ve grown such a fondness for you i don’t think will fade. you suck, frankly, for being so welcoming. i love hearing about your day, boring or not—and i’m grateful your always willing to be about mine. despite what anyone says, your a great cat mom and an even better friend... giggles... love you mwah.  

ly [ @kyotarou ] — i almost typed out the govt name help... babe i love you so much. it’s impressive how you put your heart into everything you do, and it’s really shocking to me when you yourself don’t realize just how much of yourself you put into the things you do. just today when you were making those little polaroids, the dedication that you had to finish them and package them all pretty was truly heartwarming. that, among many other things—including your work which is always quality despite the seemingly mass production of it. i know your younger than me, but i aspire to be like you in that respect. your wit never ceases to amaze me and i think you were one of the first people i felt comfortable thirsting with because our taste is so similar (daishou fucker solidarity i think). i have such a strong appreciation for you as a friend and i hope it stays like that for a long time. 

angela [ @oikirstein ] — i think i’m gonna take a step in the right direction and try to be civil (kidding) but bestie when you’re sending audio messages of you scream sobbing about manhwa i can’t help but giggle. something that drew me into you was your humor, because honestly, i couldn’t help but feel really comfortable with you? even one on one, its just easy to talk with you because theres always so much on your mind—so much so that it’d be impossible to be bored. NO YOU KNOW WHAT SIDETRACKING BECAUSE YOU JUST CALLED ME THE EVIL TWIN UM. angela please never change, i don’t think i could bare it. i tolerate (love) you... ig....stay swag. 

violetta [ @hikariakaashi ] — once again i am tempted to pull out the govt name HELP. that’s just how comfortable we are with each other, i think. you were one of the first people to interact with me on hq tumblr, so far back that you probably remember my red/black alyssa layout lol—but thats really shocking to me because our friendship has grown so much sense then. it makes me giggle to think that i can just text you about stupid stuff and you’d tolerate it. you’re another person i feel as though i know in real life, its just so easy talking to each other, and my only hope is that we get even closer. mwah mwah!

rissie [ @levbug ] —rissie rissie rissie! i don’t care how much we slander and tease you, i love you to bits. please because you’re so funny and easy to talk to i feel like we’re besties. i could listen to you ramble for like an hour i just wanna hug you bae, thank you for being the only armin lover in the room—it makes me feel very seen. we gotta stick together >:)

rheya [ @diorpieck ] — hey rheya twirls hair...i really have a lot to thank you for because without hq radio i wouldn’t have met over half the people on this list and it baffles me how close we’ve become since. you are such a natural leader and i feel so honored i get to talk to you (the fact that you handle me is just as surprising). thanks for looking out for me and everyone else, because i don’t think we’d be where we are without you. thank you :>

jade [ @iwaizoom ] — jade i honestly do not know how to say this but apparently i’ve followed you since like last july (this is news to me too) and i’ll spare you the speech—but in short there was some fan behavior. i truly love talking to you, its so smooth and your energy is beyond welcoming. laughing at stupid shit with you makes me giggle like crazy and i’m so glad i get to call you a friend. stay in school mwah!

issy [ @cafemiya ] — hey pissie <3 i don’t know what it is but your presence is so comforting i love just talking to you, being around you, interacting—it feels like spring if that makes sense. you’ve written a lot of my comfort fics on this hellsite and for that i am permanently indebted to you. please consider this the start of my reparations and just know your existence in and of itself makes me all bubbly (lovingly) KISS! 

nayru [ @luvoratomi ] — i feel like we’ve known each other forever even though it’s only been a few months. still, you’re so consistent which is something i really admire about you, your messages to ask me about my day or hanging out in the discord is so grounding because i know i can count on you—which sounds silly but just know despite the teasing i love you a lot <3

cal [ @lovekags ] — don’t tell anyone but you’re my favorite epic gamer cal, i know we just started getting close but you’re so incredibly cool and talking to you feels so natural! your raw skill in so many different areas is baffling to me and makes me all blushy lol, thanks for rockin with me and i can’t wait to see how that powerpoint turns out >:)!!  

[jtrbluv]

“F 2020!” - TXT

it’s 3:30am and i’m 2 lazy to make a header so here’s yoongi, i promise i have nicer handwriting

wow, i literally have no idea where to start. it’s almost my three year anniversary of being on this hellsite, but i think i can definitely say that 2020 has probably been one of my favorite years by far, and i am really grateful for it. i think 2020 was a year i was able to improve a lot in my writing despite not producing and releasing a lot of content. quarantine finally allowed me to actually sit down and focus on writing more than i ever have before, and shit, it felt good! it finally felt like i was able to write for myself and not just to please others, and it felt so rewarding rawr (•̀ᴗ•́)و

to all my followers, thank you all so so much. each and every single one of you are a huge reason as to why i’m still here and continue to write. all the likes, reblogs, comments, asks, and more mean the absolute world to me and other writers as well. i think as content creators we can all say that we all go back and scroll through all your messages. thank you for continuing to support me and hopefully i can manage to gift more fics to you this year! luv u all so much <33

to all my mutuals, whether we’ve talked once, twice, never, or a lot, thank you so much for letting me into your world! i really appreciate and luv each and every one of you and always enjoy seeing you all around my dash, we love 2 see it!! i wish you all the best and pls never hesitate to talk to me, i’ll always be here through but especially to support you and hype you all up!! >:) <33

i was going to tag people, but i don’t wanna risk missing anyone T-T. hopefully, you all know who you are :)) just know i luv u fr

lastly, here are some sappy ass luv letters to some of you in particular, sry in advance 🥶🥶

@koushiningg - yeah, of course your ass is going first. hey jae bae, bestie 4L, partner-in-crime, the one person who’s read every, and i mean EVERY single one of my fics. it irks me how much you’re always able to write out your feelings towards the people you care about, bc i SUCK at it! so yes, thank you so much for just being you, i’ll write u a sappy long letter for ur grad email but for now, thank u so much for putting up with my dumbass, listening to me ramble abt the ideas i get at the asscrack of dawn, reading my fics, supporting me in everything that i do. i love u sm fr. here is to the year that we’ve been waiting for, 2021. let’s make it our year.

@taehyungieskith - mika bae........ to think that you were still a local this year is so silly to think abt, i still remember us in the 400s and me giving u song recs in the band room GAHAHDHAJ. i love the little book club type shit we be doing, i always love ur recs duh wtf. thank u twin for always hyping up my stuff and thank god u arent on wattpad anymore mhm love u twin jumi #2 fr

@viopera - VIO!!! we’ve met recently but it feels like i’ve known u for awhile now. literally i’m so happy cuz i remember telling u to write fics and u were straight up like “no.” and now here we are RAWR! u should know this by now and u probably do but i will always be ur #1 supporter and eternal beta-reader. i hope you’re feeling better and ily my fav corpse stan and bad bitch!!!!

@bangtans-peaceful-piegon - AHH PIDGE!!! if i can remember correctly, you were one of the first people i actually talked to on the fic hub server and wow you are just the cutest and literal sweetest thing. we clicked so easily and the vibes u give off are just absolutely impeccable. i love u and i’m always here for u !!! <33

@sugacouture - AYO MEI!!! istg we literally just started talking frfr like a couple days ago but it’s like i’ve known u for years, like wtf. we literally have the same humor and vibes and it’s been rly swag talking to u. i am also more than happy to be ur eternal beta-reader and header helper if that wasn’t already clear duh <3 yeah you are so cute and you write so well that it’s unfair. mhm. unfair. *inserts that one taekook photo* love u, i’ll kidnap u and we’ll get boba and pho <3

@dreamystuffers - RACH!!!!!! rach you truly mesmerize me bc you are so freaking multi-talented, it leaves me in awe. i’m so happy you’ve continued to do what you do luv!! i will always be here and supporting u thru whatever u do!!! luv u sm!! <33

@tatastaetae - marria bby! hi!! ik we don’t talk that much but when we do you’re always such a joy to talk to! the range in ur fics is insane and i always love 2 see it! love u sm and i’m always here for u luv (i swear i’ll be more active on servers wjdjsjjds)

@pjmsdior - bella!!! we haven’t talked for that long either but i always love meeting fil moots!!! you are the sweetest thing and just know that i’ll always be here for u if u need anyone to talk to!!! if i was rich, i’d buy us both new phones in a heartbeat bc our phone literally hate us and for WHAT. kk luv u bella mwah <3

@suhdays - MO! oh my i rly do mean it when i say that u have got to be one of the sweetest and most genuine ppl i’ve met so far this year on this hellsite. ty for making me feel so welcome on the discord servers and networks despite me not being super active on there. when i do get money, i do wish to buy from your etsy shop T-T ,, you are literally the best and deserve the world mo, love u !

@jinpanman - mai! hiii!!! i know we don’t talk much but i’d just like to thank u for the sheer kindness and sweetness you’ve always treated me with! on the occasions that we do talk, you are such a sweetheart omg. ur fics are absolutely to die for and ilysm bby <3

@softguks - AHHDHJE LAUR! when i save u best 4 last <3. we’ve honestly barely interacted at all but you are the most sweetest thing ever, you make my heart full!!! i hope we’re able to interact more in the future and that u come back soon!

- ur local laur luvbot

my secret admirer, hi! i’m not sure if you’ll see this or not since i obviously can’t tag u, but i rly do appreciate u and all the messages u send 🥺🥺 sometimes i go back to them and read them over bc they’re actually so sweet and this is my first actual anon interaction rawr ;w; like always, i wish u nothing but the best and pls take care ☀️ anon!!! <3

sending luv and good vibes to all of u for the new year, always <3

— love, jumi (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

[fairyoftbz]

let’s end 2020 on a positive note!

the clock struck midnight where I live, so I wanna say something for this new year.

for the majority of us, 2020 has been more on the negative side than the positive side. The year started well until the virus took over, locking us all up at home,  making us do with what we had to hand.

I can’t remember the last time that I smiled, but at least I’m alive and - somewhat - healthy. Reading and getting creative during this period had helped me stay sane and not go crazy. I know it’s only been six months that I’m on here (and barely active, I’m really sorry, but managing two blogs wasn’t the best idea), but I’ve met wonderful people as soon as I created my blog, as well as my 230 followers! Thank you! Not even a few weeks on this page, I was already offered to take part of a collab and I’m really thankful I got in. I can say that this helped me to open up to people and interact with other writers, otherwise I know that I would’ve stayed in my corner. Thanks to this collab, I’ve met wonderful writers that I can call now my mutuals! 💖

The sweethearts in question! (not in any order!!) :

@stealerz qiu! everything started thanks to you :) i’m really thankful that you slid in my dms to ask me for the collab, I loved being on the discord chat with all of you even if I wasn’t in the ones that talked the most. You’re an amazing person and I absolutely love everything you write, you’re extremely talented! I hope 2021 will be good to you and I wish you a Happy New Year!! 💕

@atbzkingdom dee bby I’ve already wished you a happy new year on my blog but I’m doing it again on here!! Thank you for interacting with me and encouraging me in starting this blog, even if it’s hard, I’m having quite some fun in here! happy new year love 💕

@moondeobis sweetheart!! we haven’t been mutuals for a long time but I absolutely love you! you’re so kind and precious, i really enjoy talking to you and sending you love, even though you don’t want it! 🥺💕 jkjk I love you and let’s talk more regularly love! Happy New Year! 🥂✨

@sankyeom belle!! I’m so bad at being consistent in here but every time that I’m here, you never fail to show me some love and support, and I really thank you for that! You are an absolute angel and please never change 🥺 I’ll try to be more present on here and I can’t wait to read more of your works! Happy New Year and remember to go easy on you, okay? 💕

@mae-gi-writes MAEGI!! Now, how do I say this without scaring you off... I FUCKING LOVE YOU! You are an angel, a sweetheart and I just wish I could shower you with positivity. Despite not talking too much, I love interacting with you! We comfort each other and I can’t help but consider you as an elder sister figure!! You’re amazing and talented, you have a way to say and describe things in your stories that I feel everything. I can’t even look at your works and say, “oh, this one isn’t good”, because they are all amazing!! I wish you all the best for 2020 and I love to interact more with you! Happy New Year Maegi! 🥂❤

@heartyyjeno Alesha baby!! I hope you are doing well, we haven’t talked in quite some time 🥺💕 Please remember that my dms are always open if you need it and I hope we’ll get to talk more in the future together! You’re a real gem and I like your personality a lot! Please never change, okay? You’re an amazing and talented person, never let anyone make you feel like shit! Happy New Year love! 💕

@ateez-little-star just like dee, i’ve already told you everything on my other blog but I HAVE TO say something on here as well 🥺🥺 thank you for your unconditional support and your wonderful personality, I really love you! You helped me feel loved when I absolutely felt like trash and like I wasn’t worth it, I’m really thankful of you. I hope you’ll get a more peaceful year because you truly deserve it and please come in my dms if you ever feel like you need it, okay? Happy New Year, Sweetheart!! 🥺❤

@moondustaeil @fullsunsays​ @httpsohnpouts​ @thepixelelf​ @lsangyeons​ @ukiyoexo​ Bubs!! We didn’t interact a lot but I hope we’ll do it more in the future, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like you!! You all hold a special place in my heart, even if we don’t interact on the daily / at all, I’m happy to have met you! :))

I wish everyone reading this a Happy New Year and a healthy life, wishing you all the best for 2021. Remember to stay safe and keep on doing what we’ve been doing for over a year now, I know we can do it.  I’ll take a little break due to some health and personal issues, but I promise to come back soon, heart healed and head filled with new writing ideas! I love you all, thank you for everything! ❤❤

[handthigh]

Soooo I may or may not have gone crazy and gone stupid and wrote a whole ass one shot fanfic of Tianshan in the office AU

ETA: this is now also available at AO3! (ETA 2: This is now a multichapter fic!)

Big thanks to the people over at Tianshan discord for taking a read and giving me the feedback. The fic follows right after this paragraph, with notes at the end of the fic.

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, pass me a stapler (6:35pm)

Frowning at the message notification, Mo Guan Shan wordlessly takes the stapler lying on his desk and wheels his chair out of his cubicle to pass to his next door neighbour who grins upon receiving the stationery from the redhead. The reciprocity is not returned however, as Guan Shan wheels back into his cubicle to complete a report the supervisor had dumped onto him 15 minutes before the time he ends work. It is already bad enough that he is working overtime on a Friday while being the only one stuck with He Tian, the last thing he needs is for the annoying colleague to interrupt his progress.

The report turns out even more taxing than expected, further souring Guan Shan’s mood. He glanced at the time displayed on the laptop, “6:55pm”. Great, the report’s barely done and closing time sale at the nearby sandwich shop is already over. So much for a “quick task”, he scoffs bitterly at his supervisor’s words.

As if He Tian can read his mind, comes another text:

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, are you cursing out the boss in your head again? (6:57pm)

Damn it, not another interruption. Glancing at the new message, Guan Shan cringes at the accuracy of the guess. Guilt quickly turns into irritation however, as he glares at the cubicle separating him and the culprit of these messages. This has been going on for about 3 months now, ever since he was assigned to be seated with He Tian at the corner of the office. The reason? The supervisor claims that only the short tempered Guan Shan is immune to the raven haired’s hunky looks while workers of all genders in their department are too busy admiring He Tian to work productively. Guan Shan tries to suppress his gag upon the memory.

First of all, Guan Shan does not appreciate being called short tempered. He just has little patience and a lot of irritation for mindless small talks and forced formalities, that’s all. Second of all, seriously? Of all words, hunky? While Guan Shan admits that He Tian is a looker because after all, he has eyes; but that is certainly an exaggeration. Sure, He Tian has the physique and face for the magazine covers, but he’s not that good looking. Especially not when he assigns Guan Shan that stupid nickname and constantly texts him for no justifiable reasons despite already repeating many times that he only wants to reserve the texting to a minimum and keep it strictly to work matters.

Wait, what the fuck? Why is he thinking about him again? Ugh, this is why he emphasises on keeping social interactions to a minimum! The report and the constant texting must have really gotten to him, because the next thing he knew, Guan Shan picks up his phone and types at his source of annoyance.

Me:

Yes, genius. Since you’re so smart and volunteered to OT with me, why don’t you make yourself useful and help me out with the report then you chicken dick! (7:05pm)

Normally Guan Shan tries to keep his temper in check, wanting to believe he is no longer the moody middle school boy that he was. Besides, this is the first job he managed to get right after graduating university 6 months ago, just in time before the recession. Thus, he is not trying to screw up an opportunity just because he got involved in some petty office drama. However, the combination of working overtime, growing hunger and unnecessary buzzing of his phone followed by He Tian’s unnecessary messages is making Guan Shan throw both caution and formalities out the window. 

He is not the only one surprised by his own outburst however, as He Tian guffaws and rolls his chair out of the cubicle to meet the redhead, currently glaring at him and asking what’s so funny.

“Chicken dick? What kind of insult is that? Also, I dunno, I just thought you’d never asked me for help.” He Tian replies with a shrug and his signature grin.

He Tian is not wrong - Guan Shan seldom asks for help, believing that it’s better to be self-sufficient than to rely on someone else. Furthermore, it allows him to avoid having to keep up with forced interactions with others. But it’s getting late and the report doesn’t seem to be finishing soon, and there is someone in the office right now, might as well right?

“So are you going to help me or not?”

“Sure, anything for you Little Mo~”

“Stop calling me that! Give me your email, I’ll share the document with you on the cloud.”

So, here they are at 7:30pm, working in a shared online document together - cubicle to cubicle. Guan Shan mainly typing out the content of the report while He Tian formats, elaborates and adds any figures and charts where appropriate; explaining his rationale to the other while he works.

As Guan Shan sees the report transform before his very own eyes, he is now confronted with the thought he’s been trying to will away for 3 days, ever since he overheard the company executives discuss whether to promote He Tian. 

As much as he hates admitting it, He Tian is talented and hardworking when situations call for it. Not only is he able to easily handle the tedious formatting that is typically required of such reports, he also goes the extra mile of further perfecting any tasks assigned to him. It also helps that he has great social networking skills to accompany his equally great looks, not only charming the other coworkers around them, but also clients and other company staff alike in network events. 

Attempting to ignore the ache of admiration growing in his chest, Guan Shan wonders why is someone as good as He Tian working at an entry level job like him in a medium sized company when the latter can easily negotiate for a much higher salary in a conglomerate. What he heard about his raven haired coworker isn’t helping much with his curiosity either.

While Guan Shan prefers minding his own business, he also doesn’t live under a rock. He has heard the rumours - that He Tian had interned for various big names while he attended an Ivy League business school and graduated a valedictorian. He was also rumoured to be taking over his family’s multinational company branch in China while his older brother gets based overseas to look over their international branches. Yet somehow, here he is, working overtime in a too small cubicle with an aloof coworker who has nothing to boast for. After all, Guan Shan’s resume mainly consists of mediocre grades in a local university that is far from being a C9 League, one proper internship experience and multiple part time odd jobs to help him pay his student loans. 

He Tian has everything going for him, and yet, why? Guan Shan is so lost in his own thoughts that he does not notice an arm reaching out to his laptop and folding it down, clasping his fingers that are resting motionlessly on the keyboard.

“Ouch! What the fuck?!” Guan Shan stands up and yelps in shock, spinning around to glare at the culprit. This proves to be a mistake as he realises he is face to face with He Tian, barely an inch away. 

Suddenly, the room feels hot and all Guan Shan can hear is his heart rapidly beating in his ears as he sees a totally different expression from the latter: lips twitching up, high cheekbones raised making them even more pronounced, coupled with a pair of grey eyes sparkling and curving in childish amusement. Even though he knows that He Tian is laughing at his expense, somehow, Guan Shan could not bring himself to break eye contact, wanting to look as long as possible until he commits He Tian’s genuine smile to memory.

“Earth to Little Mo, I said I was done with the report and had emailed our supervisor, and was thinking of treating you to a sandwich as a thanks for your effort.” He Tian replies, amusement laced in his voice as he breaks the silence.

“...How do you know I like…” Guan Shan dumbly replies, still feeling overwhelmed by the close contact to even retort He Tian as he feels his face getting even hotter.

Breaking eye contact, He Tian steps to the side and fishes out his car key, hooking the key ring to his finger. As much as he finds his flustered colleague both amusing and endearing, he makes sure to give Guan Shan some space in case the other gets too stunned and passes out. “Well, who else in this office eats those except for you? So what do you say, it'll be my treat and I can drive us there.” He Tian says as he leans back on the cubicle wall, spinning the car key around.

“.... Uh… mm” Guan Shan nodded, feeling too light headed to speak properly.

“Let’s go then.” He Tian steps out of the cubicle, making his way out as he turns off the office lights.

Guan Shan’s mind is reeling as he follows He Tian from behind. Why is he suddenly reacting like this? Why did he agree to have dinner with him? Most importantly, WHY IS HE SUDDENLY HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS OF THAT ANNOYING CHICKEN DICK?

God, he hates working overtime.

Notes:

If you made it here, thanks for reading! I’ve been wanting to write a fluffier, slice of life office romance with Tianshan for quite awhile now - an AU with no mafia drama, no She Li being a creep, just coworkers dicking around and relatively normal problems here and there. I only committed after getting reminded of this official Tianshan art by Old Xian on the discord. Aside from 19 days, I also draw inspiration from a webcomic called Senpai ga Uzai, Kouhai no Hanashi. I’m a huge sucker of slow burn fluffy Tianshan where Guan Shan is initially annoyed at He Tian and slowly and reluctantly falls for him. Hehehehehehehehe *continues to laugh in fujoshi*

Not going to lie, I do feel nervous posting it. However, after seeing many Tianshan fics (they are good! don’t get me wrong) that doesn’t have a workplace AU, I thought I’d manifest it onto the internet space! Do let me know what you think, as I am considering expanding this into a multi-fic once I stop being lazy. 

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

[astrogone]

❝ @ mutuals, send me a 🍓 and I’ll compliment you! ❞     /     pt. 4

🍓 @glrchmp: Zacharie, you and your blog are absolutely? Phenomenal?! I honestly have not got into the playthrough of Shield / Sword yet while I do not have Switch, but of course, Leon has my heart instantly, and seeing someone so so passionate of him makes me very delighted. I absolutely adore what you have thought of him and written with him so far, and I always highly look forward to read and learn more about your Leon. It was such a wonderful moment going through your blog and seeing how would you portray Leon. Everything about him is so well thought and detailed, it is just incredible. To be honest, even if I haven’t got into the game yet, I already had a thought that Nintendo could not ever do Leon justice like how you would portray him. I hope you have at least some pride in your work because, seriously, what you touch turns into a wonderful art, and I am so grateful that I had stumbled across your blog. Anyone should, actually. You are a gem as you are a lovely person to have on my dash. I do hope we can interact more soon and have you shove me into more of the Pokéworld ( because I will admit, I’m not too hot with the lores and whatnot, and I’d love to get Deep with it, if ya get me there ) but if you are busy or anything, I’m more than okay to wait. Give you the time and space you need. For now, just seeing you on my dash makes me happy— as long as you are content, I am too. <3

🍓 @mtchstck​: Alex, first of all [makes over 100 fire / hot puns such as how your blog is hot, your writing is spicy—]. Second of all, my goodness, please know that you and Livvy are out of the world, like we truly do not deserve you two. Your developments, writings, graphics, artworks— everything that you would come up with are incredible, and just... The time and effort you would put in these delightful creations... There is so much passion in your work and I just do not know how you would come up with any of these stuff. Livvy is such an interesting and fun character to learn about, and you probably get this a lot, but I do want to tell you how much I love that you write her with life in her. In a roleplay forum I was in for most of my roleplay life, I had seen so many young muses around her age being written with these traits that were just slapped onto them or given them a tragic background for the sake of it with bare to no developments and meaningful thoughts behind them. Yet with Livvy, everything about her feels natural because you care, and it just makes me so happy to see that there are people out there like you who would hold a lot care for their muse’s characterizations. You are just so talented in everything you do and I highly admire you. Honestly, what a spark of delight and inspiration you are to have on my dash. <3

🍓 @arsonbeast: MJ, we haven’t done much together yet, but, my gosh, you! Are so cool! Honestly. I still remember our conversation during around the Fourth of July and recalling about it makes me think that you’re such a very fun and hilarious person to interact with ( and I would love to interact with you more but I’m so Fucking Slow, but... you know ). I don’t know how to explain it, but I can really sense your energy from your texts alone and I get so delighted whenever I see your posts on here / text messages. You just have a really chill vibe that makes me feel comfortable, which says a lot with me having anxiety, welp, but... Just know that you have my heart and soul. Also, I highly adore your writings with MJ— the way you would word your sentences, MJ’s dialogues, etcetera, it really captures the personality of him and it’s so much fun and exciting to read them! And his faceclaim? Epic choice, my dude, I love that a lot. I can not truly wait to see more work with him, and once I finally fucking figure out who to write / plot with him, it’ll be Over for you, so you better watch out for my dumb ass coming at your way with that, lmfao... You’re awesome as Hell, dude. <3

🍓 @fatedriven​: Neo, at the moment, we are just silently supporting each other from our tiny corners ( I am too slow and often chaotically losing my energy to reach out but! I will! Get to you soon, I Swear ), but I do want you know that I am! So so! EXCITED to interact with you more! And I ADORE all of your muses and everything in your blogs dearly MUCH! I swear, everything about your blog and creations and so forth are downright gorgeous. Stepping into your blogs for the first time was like having my eyes blessed with the sacred lights, no kidding at all!... Your muses are so unique and different from each other, it takes my breath away to see how much passion you have for all of them. Also seeing your writings? Truly poetic, oh my gosh. Your blogs are just so so delightful to go through. I love your ideas, your portrayals, and everything, like. You’re already one of my inspirations as seeing your work makes me feel motivated to work and develop on my creations, so thank you for taking the time and effort in sharing your creations on this Hellsite. They are truly amazing and I just can not wait to see more from you, as well as, again, interacting with you more. <3

🍓 @destructiveglitch​​: Myers, where to even start... I do not ever believe words would be enough, but as it is what I can offer, please, despite anything and what anyone would say to you, try to remember that whatever you create, your creations will always bring light to this universe! Every edges and corners and the insides of your creations from your muses to artworks and headcanons and writings and so forth? So well done. So so good to get into anytime, any day. And seeing your art improvement with the “silence, bottom” artworks? Incredible. It truly does show much you had improved from years of creating, and while you may experience feeling negative about your creations, I do want to give you a gentle reminder that this world is truly blessed to even look at your work. Just... the passion and dedication you have in your creations make me feel beyond delighted, and I love whatever you would post on my dash, even it’s just a silly thought. If you ever end up writing a novel or make a comic or whatever, you better let me know and I will pay to even read about it. Your creativity is too good for us. I am beyond grateful to have stumbled across your blog. You are just so sweet and fun and cool to have around, and I can not wait to make more fun memories with you. <3

🍓 @forcefuried​: Tian, you are extremely delightful to interact with and have on my dash and Discord. Just. Every time I would see your post or text message, I get so giddy and hope you are doing okay. You deserve all of the goods out there. You hold nothing but kindness and even when we have recently interacted, you make me feel at home already, and it’s... a rare thing when I have anxiety, so, I just love how open and honest and sweet you are to not just me but others as well. I have said this before, but i will not hesitate to say this once more that I am beyond grateful that you decided to check up my blog and gave me a follow because, otherwise, I would probably not get to see the absolute beauty you have in your blog. The passion in everything you create is amazing and with every thoughts, headcanons, writings, and such that you would come up with? Always a breathtaking moment. There is so much details and dedication in everything, and how you would take the time to research and pour your soul out is so admiring. You are the reason I should get into the rest of the old S.tar W.ars films as I had watched only one of the old ones, honestly, lmfao, but yeah, you are so sweet and creative, and, gosh, this world just can not get enough of you. <3 🍓 @gloryshound: Nee, wow, honestly, what did I do to deserve you? While we are starting to interact more, I must say that I truly am in love with your writings. The details, the wordings, everything about them are so great. It just catches my emotions, make me feel and think for these muses, and it really amazes me to see how you would give each muse their own voice in your writings, and I personally believe it is not that easy to do that, especially when you have a lot of muses to write at once. I find it so interesting just reading what are the themes / main focuses each of your muse have, and it makes me think how determined and willing you are in exploring more of these themes / main focuses with their respective muses, and I think that’s really neat. I love when people actually take a step back to see the potentials in the characters and use them to make more of they are given from the media. It shows that they care, and I do love when people take the time and effort in placing so many thoughts and developments in a character. You are one of those people and I hope you know that your creations are highly inspiring to many people, including myself. I am so happy that we got to meet and I highly look forward to interact with you and all of your lovely muses more. It is gonna be so amazing! <3

[takencue]

⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ candice king, cis female, she/her ⊱ i think i just saw CATHY HIATT walk across trafalgar square, singing to COME UNDONE ( DURAN DURAN ). you know, the THIRTY - ONE year old BARTENDER/STRUGGLING ACTRESS? people claim that they are just like CATHY HIATT from THE LAST FIVE YEARS. it must be because they are MODEST and CAUSTIC as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at the PETERSBURG apartment. { nia, 18, est, she/her }⌝

hellooooooo! nia right back at ya with another muse who i am really REALLLLLLLLLLLy freaking excited about. i can’t wait to rp as cathy, so please please please hmu here or on discord ( nia#8278 ) for plots!!!! yay!!! here’s cathy.

i’m using bcnoist’s candice king gif icons here!!!

say GOODBYE to wiping ashtrays at the BAR — say HELLO to CATHY HIATT: BIG TIME STAR!

read CATHY’s bio here!

CATHERINE HIATT grew up in a small east coast town in CONNECTICUT, with her parents and two older brothers and the dog.

she wouldn’t say her life was anything special. she had a lot of hope that one day she would get out of her hometown, however.

when her childhood best friend CAROL ANN got pregnant at seventeen with her boyfriend’s baby, she knew for sure she had to get out.

she moved to MANHATTAN, NY as soon as she graduated to a small cheap studio that she could barely afford with a bar tending job. 

but it’s in NEW YORK where she realized her dream to be an actress. she began to go strictly by CATHY, and whenever she wasn’t trying to make ends meet, she was trying to further her acting career.

she dated here and there. notably a guy who she gave up a better part of her early twenties for. she was certain they would be together forever, until he left her high and dry with a letter on a kitchen table breaking up with her. she never saw him again.

she didn’t get discouraged by this, however, it just made her want to succeed with acting more and she became more fervent about her work, going to many auditions as possible.

one of these attempts was a role for the female lead of a play written by english graduate student, JAMIE WELLERSTEIN. she didn’t get the part, but she did get a friendly text from the playwright, sweet - talking about how ‘ she so should’ve ‘. they texted back and forth for a month until he finally asked her out. the first date was enough, CATHY fell for him hard.

with JAMIE, everything was perfect. things moved quickly: they officially were a couple, JAMIE’s manuscript got picked up for an expensive book deal, they moved in together in a luxurious apartment, then a beautiful watch filled with future promises, then a shiny wedding band. things were looking up, even as CATHY struggled to find work.

she didn’t give up, even as JAMIE’s fame skyrocketed.

CATHY wasn’t getting any younger, and still working at the bar at twenty - seven wasn’t exactly what she had planned. the constant failure was tiring. but she kept at it, not wanting to admit defeat. of course, JAMIE supported her anyway he could.

everything was fine, she tried to convince that fact to herself. they married, they were trying for a baby, they were financially stable . . .

but still, she couldn’t shake the discouraging feelings she got whenever she attended parties with JAMIE, the way she was ignored, left alone, the way JAMIE interacted with his female acquaintances. she felt bitter, jealous, and most of all, not an equal to him.

CATHY began to distance herself from his work, and in turn, him.

she had FINALLY got her first recurring, stable acting gig with a small, low - budget touring theatre company . . . in OHIO. still not what she had hoped for herself, but it was better than nothing.

attempting long - distance over the summers wasn’t easy for them, either. it was another compromise, and at least CATHY didn’t have to attend those isolating parties anymore.

the physical distance heightened the couple’s growing emotional distance, and maybe ( CATHY still wonders to this day ) she was being PARANOID, but she began to suspect JAMIE was having an affair.

it ate at her. but when JAMIE visited the opening weekend of her show in OHIO, she thought that maybe, they could try to pull through and get better.

until he told her he couldn’t stay. he would return to NEW YORK that night, and little did CATHY know, that would be the last time she ever saw JAMIE in person.

when CATHY had returned from OHIO, too angry at him to call or text him beforehand, was just exhausted and wanted to try again with her husband.

but all that was left of him was a letter, a manila envelope with divorce papers for her to sign, a depleted bank account, and an apartment filled with shit she couldn’t afford.

she couldn’t leave the apartment for a week, too heartbroken to function properly. how could JAMIE have done this to her? 

and despite everything, CATHY was still in love with him.

she had no choice but to move back home. she began to sort through the remnants of JAMIE’s things, looking for answers. among those was fertility test results from way back when they wanted kids. JAMIE was infertile.

CATHY kept the ring, the watch, his lucky flannel, the photos, the copy of his book she bought in OHIO, her wedding dress and veil.

but after living with her parents for a year, she decided she needed a fresh start and was ready to move on. clearly, JAMIE had.

CATHY moved to london, ready for a new life, far away from CONNECTICUT, far from JAMIE ( wherever he was ).

back to bar tending, five years older, and still not ready to give up on her one true love: the stage. she’s still not over him, she knows deep down, but she’s made her next leap to at least TRY.