#I applaud this event for being able to collect a lot of swords and being easy to grind

[mariaantonnietta]

Finally, Over 90.000, this was a lot.

Woah, this event tires me a lot but I figured it could be my last chance to get all gou's before the 10th anniversary, so I went for it.

I had fun, but not having many gous sure helped, I can't picture myself going all the way to 90.000 for a single new one, so I think I'm fine with this event until the 20th anniversary now XD

The music instrument farming was plentiful. And my honebami has really bad luck with the cards, and monoyoshi does bring luck, but on the second try you use him as captain (nah, just random, but fun headcanon for my citadel)

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

The snowy mountains of Dragonpierce

Crystal icicles can be nice to look at, but they are a pain to deal with. The mountains would be a good place to explore some more if it wasn't for the sheer cold. I applaud Connie and their friends for braving the cold and spending a good part of their vacation time here for team building activities.

Dragonpierce is one of those places where looks can be deceiving. Appearance wise it looks like any other snowy place. But when you step inside it's brutal, to say the least. Amber, Bennett, and Xiang are the real MVPs for keeping us from freezing to death with their pyro powers.

It's a shame, really. I want to explore more of the mountains - it really is a fascinating place that's full of resources we can use at the camp. The glacial gyroids were a nice find along with various plants and berries I've never seen before. But the risk is too much, especially for non-seasoned outdoors people like us. I doubt even an experienced adventurer would want to set foot in the mountains without at least three backup plans or something.

Connie and Pai are back again with their team for another retreat. Things have been going a lot better for them, especially now that they have more allies as well as no immediate threats looming ahead. In fact, it's been a little slow as things outside their control has forced them to put their main mission on hold for a bit. Though that doesn't make Connie any less busy, especially now that they're moving up ranks with the Adventurer's Guild so they're up for a promotion soon.

Turns out it's a good thing we planned this adventure because it's been a while since the original team last hung out all together. Luci and Amber have stepped back a bit to focus on the Knights so they've been eager to meet up with Connie again. Noelle, Seraphina, and Xiang have been stepping up the ranks as well, becoming part of Connie's main team for missions. Xingqiu and Bennett have been helping with the new recruits as well as building up their skills.

In terms of combat, Pai says they've improved by a lot. It also helps that they have more members as well as the fact that Noelle and Seraphina are powerful healers. They still have a long way to go in terms of being in the same league as other seasoned adventurers so that's something for them to keep working towards.

Not too long after Connie and the gang first visited the camp, Xingqiu's best friend Chongyun offered his assistance. He's a psychic exorcist with telekinesis and cryo powers. Connie had ran into him a couple times before, tagging along with him on investigations regarding reported sightings of evil spirits.

The next teammates to join were Meggie and Di, both who work at a bar/cafe. Meggie's a friend of Amber's from Stone Bridge, a neighboring town of Bonsai. Meggie is a bartender/astrologer who just moved to the city in hopes of a new start. She says she's not too keen about being a bartender but she has to pay rent somehow - she refuses to monetize astrology, something she takes seriously. Connie says whether you believe her or not, she does possess strong intuition when it comes to reading people.

I have to say, some of her observations about me were spot on. I barely know her and she managed to get a glimpse of me just by reading the stars. I don't know too much about astrology - and it's not something I want to overly look into - but I like to have an open mind. Even if astrology isn't real, I believe some people are highly intuitive - it's a trait that you can't hone in on, you either have it or don't.

Di is a waitress who's from Spring Valley, not too far from the city. She comes from a family of hunters and is a master archer with the power of stealth on her side. She's quite young so Connie has kinda unoffically adopted her. Apparently she's been going through some stuff at home, so that's why she started working at the bar despite being underage. It's not an ideal situation, particularly due to the fact that alcoholism is a thing in her family so obviously she tries to avoid falling into the same path. No wonder Connie wanted to take Di under their wing.

Then along comes Lan, a renowned captain/pirate who's traveled around the continent at least three times so far. She came to the rescue after a mishap with explosives temporarily put Connie out of commission. Apparently someone at the Adventurer's Guild thought it was a good idea to set off explosive barrels at a high cliff to extract some ores. Lan happened to be around the area when Connie literally landed in her arms.

Lan hardly spends time on land as she's always out on the open seas, so she's kinda a legend around these parts. She said she heard about Connie from Xiang as they often write letters to each other, so she was hoping to meet the honorary hero one day. And so fate decided to literally hand Connie to her, which is quite funny.

I mean, imagine falling off a high cliff and landing right in the arms of this badass pirate captain? If that happened to me, I wouldn't know what to say or do.

And finally, there's the newest team member, a conqueror of demons named Xiao. He's basically an immortal being who has been protecting the land for thousands of years, often lurking in the background. Pai never expected him to offer his assistance considering that he usually avoids interactions with others. Connie was surprised too, though they had been working together a lot since having to defend the city so that's probably why he decided to stick around.

Considering how he keeps his distance from mortals, it's also a surprise that he came along for this trip. He does admit that the only reason he reluctantly joined in was to take the opportunity to observe the team, which makes sense. Pai says he's been helping out a lot in terms of improving team combat skills so that's why he needs to know how well everyone fights and what needs to be worked on.

While the others are off doing various activities, Xiao stands in the sidelines, watching over everything. He seems like the type who takes their responsibilities seriously, the kind you shouldn't mess with at all unless you have a death wish or something.

As for this gyroid event, we're gonna use the gyroids to forge weapons designed by Luci, Xingqiu, and Connie. With the team growing and moving up in the ranks, they're in need of more advanced weapons. Noelle's claymore is pretty worn out while Di's bow isn't exactly meant for combat. Connie still has their trusty sword, but it'll be in need of upgrades later on while Xiang's looking forward to switching out her old polearm for something more sturdier. According to Connie and Luci's research, glacial gyroids can produce a range of high quality weapons. In short, it's something to take advantage of as forging weapons is expensive and hard to come by.

While the mountains of Dragonpierce are hard to navigate, Connie says it's nothing compared to the snowy mountains on the outskirts of Starcatcher and Bonsai Harbor. Over there, you can freeze to death if you're poorly prepared, so most adventurers avoid it like the plague. The sheer cold is strong enough to knock you out if you don't have adequate warmth, not to mention the fierce monsters that roam about. As a result, Connie rarely takes commissions to go there, but it's not something they can avoid entirely, not with their standing as of now.

I don't think I'd survive the mountains over there - Dragonpierce is already pushing my limits. I get that Connie and the others want to collect gyroids, but using the mountains for combat training seems a bit risky. Though it's kinda in the middle of nowhere so I guess it makes for a good training ground. Something about the extreme cold helps to put them in the right mindset? I mean, there's other places where they can train that doesn't involve them risk freezing to death but then again I know nothing about fighting and stuff.

I have to say, it's cool to watch them show off their combat skills and powers. Connie's come a long way as a leader - that's what I call growth! Pai continues to cheer on from the sidelines while offering commentary once in a while. I wonder if one day she'll join in on the field too but I feel like that's asking too much of her.

As much as Connie and Pai are thick as thieves, Pai can be a bit exasperating. Maybe that's why she gets along well with people like Connie and Jamie as they both are kinda jaded and have a low tolerance for bullshit, therefore they can keep her in rein. Also, it's funny whenever Connie roasts Pai because let's face it, she had it coming. Like Pai, we love you, but sometimes you need to step back and be quiet.

It's fun seeing them train and figure out their team dynamics. Like how Xingqiu and Chongyun work well together by coordinating their powers to freeze enemies. So naturally, Connie and Xiao want to utilize that. Xiang, Connie, and Lan also make a deadly combo with Xiang's pyro combined with Lan's electro causes an explosion. Throw in Connie's wind storm and you've got your enemies cornered in a pyro and electro tornado.

At the campsite, everyone's got their own thing going on. Amber's gliding around as usual, practicing her archery as well and bringing fruit for us in the process. Lan, Seraphina, and Xiang have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen and they really like spicy food. I mean, they literally eat hot chilis like it's nothing - it's kinda scary. I though Rika was crazy when it came to spice but I think these three are in another league.

It's a shame. really. Because if it weren't for the intense heat, I would be able to enjoy these dishes more. They taste good but the spice...why must I be weak?

Di and Noelle have taken an interest in finding materials like plants and rocks. They're really good at discovering new stuff like unusual seashells that contain iron that can be extracted or poisonous weeds that can be used to make potions. Di has her methods of handling dangerous plants safely by infusing her arrows with cryo and shooting at them to temporarily make them safe to handle by putting them into a bubble until they can be stored away.

Bennett and Xingqiu have been showing Chongyun around the camp, teaching him a bunch of stuff in the process. Apparently he doesn't go out much so things like camping is completely new to him, so he needed some time to get comfortable. He comes across as a serious person, kinda innocent and naive though, but dedicated nonetheless. I think with Xingqiu around and Connie keeping everyone in rein, he's been able to loosen up a bit.

Pai's been having fun - she's either off doing her own thing and getting into some sort of trouble or bothering someone. It seems like the others have joined in on roasting Pai when she finds herself in a mess that she caused. It's also nice seeing Connie loosen up too, probably since they've gotten comfortable in this unfamiliar world. Pai says they've been making friends and allies left and right - from ordinary citizens to people among high rankings, even some gods as well - it's pretty wild actually.

Of course, Connie remains humble and shrugs it off as it's nothing. They say the high ranking people are just like everyone else, but as for the gods, it's best to exercise caution and expect the unexpected. Also, Connie's at the point where if they hang around certain places for too long, then one of their new friends will whisk them away on some adventure or job. It's only happened a couple times so far but Connie has a feeling that as time goes on, it's gonna become a regular thing, much to Pai's frustration. Connie says they don't mind too much - at least for now.

Since the gang will be coming back in the future for another camp event, I wonder how much things will change by then. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Connie's friends as well as hear more stories about their adventures. I just hope no one insists on doing combat training in Dragonpierce again - unless they're gonna collect gyroids too.

Either way, I think I'll pass on the freezing mountains - I think that's one area I don't mind putting off exploring for a long while.

[swanqueeneverafter]

After The Sunset, Pt.21

Camelot. Present. (Regina and Emma walk through the castle grounds talking animatedly.) Emma: "How could you just forget?" Regina: (Innocently:) "It must've slipped my mind." Emma: "Uh huh. All right so what exactly are we here for?" Regina: "Queen Guinevere asked me at our wedding reception whether I'd be happy to judge Camelot's annual tournament for the knights of the round table and beyond. Apparently you have to be of noble birth to compete." Emma: "And why wasn't I invited?" Regina: (Defensively:) "You were... sort of. (At Emma's look:) Oh come on, Emma. You're my wife, of course you were invited." Emma: "Hmm." Regina: "All right, fine. There may be those in Camelot who still believe you're the Dark One." Emma: "What?!" Regina: "These are simple people, Emma. While the realms may be joined, news still takes time to travel. There is no WiFi or telephone poles out here." Emma: (Folds her arms:) "Okay, I'll give you that. So what are your duties as judge?" Regina: "Well, I'm told there are many events, from sword fighting to jousting." Guinevere: (Approaching:) "But the most prestigious event is the horse race. (Smiles as she joins them:) It takes place across the length and breadth of the gardens." Emma: "So that's what the hay bales are for?" Guinevere: (Nods:) "Yes, to be used as hurdles for the race." Regina: "So what does the winner of the race receive?" Guinevere: "The tournament's highest honour. The winner is declared tournament champion, is presented with a trophy and gets to dance and have dinner with our guest judge." Emma: "Woah, wait a minute. (To Regina:) Did you know about this?" Regina: (Wide-eyed:) "I had no idea." Guinevere: (Stepping in:) "It's true, Emma, she did not. I'm afraid this is a recent development. You see, I usually dance with the winner myself but, everyone was too intimidated by Lancelot to enter." Emma: "So you promised them a date with my wife? (Emma and Regina exchange glances:) Well there's only way out of this." Regina: (Nodding:) "Absolutely, I'll-" Emma: "I'm entering the race." Regina: "...Step down. (Upon realising what Emma has just said:) You're what?" Guinevere: "I-I don't think that's possible. We already have a full field of twelve entrants." Emma: "Then that makes me lucky thirteen. Look, the rules are that you have to be of noble birth to compete, right? My parents are Prince Charming and Snow White, so I'm god-damn royalty. Sign me up." Guinevere: (Nods:) "I'll inform the attendants." (She turns and leaves.) Emma: (To Regina:) "There's only one person who's dancing with you tonight, and that's me." Regina: (Beams:) "My hero."

Wonderland. Past. After The First Curse. (Tiana stands at her window looking out at the night's sky when her mother approaches.) Eudora: "So, are you ready to don your crown and meet your subjects as their queen?” Tiana: “Yes. (Eudora reaches up and places the crown on her daughter’s head:) But on one condition. You come out to meet them with me. You’ve served these people so well in these dark times, I can't think of anyone I’d rather have at my side to continue to protect them.” (Mother and daughter leave arm in arm to face their subjects.) Courtyard. (Tiana smiles and motions for the crowd to quieten their applause.) Tiana: “Thank you all for coming to celebrate the beginning of a new era for Wonderland, and to remember how lucky we are to live in a time of peace and prosperity.” (Suddenly, lightning splits the sky and Gothel appears beside the stone statue that used to be Drizella.) Gothel: “Look at all this. Did you really think this would be a day of celebration?” (Thunder cracks and the rest of Gothel’s coven appear behind her. Raising their arms, they use their combined powers to free Drizella from her confinement.) Tiana: “That's impossible. Blood magic can't be broken.” Gothel: “Not by any single person, but together, this family can do anything. (Kneels beside her protege:) Come, Drizella. Soon the prophecy shall be fulfilled. The suffering shall begin.” (Drizella manages to give a wicked smile before disappearing with Gothel and her coven of witches.)

Camelot. Present. (Queen Guinevere and Lancelot stand applauding at the judges table while the last few riderless horses cross the finish line. Even those who managed to remain mounted upon their horses show signs of foul play. Carrying the trophy towards the victor, Regina smiles sweetly at the runners up, many of whom sport black eyes, bloodied lips and bruised egos.) Regina: (Reaching her wife:) "You brute." Emma: (Smiling down:) "Hey, if they couldn't handle a little friendly competition they shouldn't have entered." Regina: "I'd hardly call some of those kicks friendly, Emma." Emma: (Shrugs:) "I won, didn't I?" Regina: (Grins, holding up the trophy:) "Yes, you did." Guinevere: (Calling from the dais:) "Ladies and Gentlemen, your tournament champion: Lady Emma!" (There is a mixed response from the crowd, some cheering and applauding as others boo Emma's tactics.) Regina: (Dryly:) "I see you've made some more friends." Emma: (Disregarding the trophy:) "Leave it here, I've already got the prize I want, and I intend to collect." (Taking her wife's outstretched hand, Regina allows herself to be pulled up into the saddle behind Emma, leaving the trophy on the ground.) Regina: (Chuckles:) "Emma, the castle's that way." Emma: "Oh, we're not staying here." Regina: (Confused:) "Then where are we going?" Emma: "There." (Regina looks to where Emma is pointing and smiles, wrapping her arms tightly around Emma's waist as they head towards the Dark Palace.)

Storybrooke. Present. Mayor's Office. (Hook explains to David and Zelena what's happened.) Hook: "I was transformed into an ogre, I couldn't get anyone to understand or help me." Zelena: "An ogre? (Looks him up and down:) Okay, I can see that. But how did that happen?" Hook: (Hesitates:) "That doesn't matter right now. The point is, just before I was transformed, I got a message from Henry. He was calling for help." David: "What did the message say exactly?" Hook: "Just that he was in trouble and he asked for me and his mothers to come save him." Zelena: "That's it? He didn't give any indication as to where he was?" Hook: "No, and it wouldn't matter anyway. I received the message weeks ago. There's no telling where he could be by now." David: "Well, what about a locator spell?" Zelena: (Shakes her head:) "Locator spells are best used over a limited area like a town or small city. With the realms united, you could be walking for days trying to find him." Hook: "She's right mate, besides, Rumplestiltskin was headed back to his shop to fetch that globe of his. With that, we'll be able to pinpoint exactly where Henry is." (Snow White enters.) Snow White: "Oh, Hook, thank goodness. We've been trying to reach you." Hook: "Reach me? For what?" Snow White: (To David:) "You haven't told him?" Hook: "Told me what?" David: "It's Lily. She was injured while trying to track down a murder suspect." Hook: "Track down a- What the blood hell's been going on?! I’ve got to go see her." (Before Snow can stop him, Hook leaves the room to go check on his daughter.) David: “Was there any change in Lily’s condition?” Snow White: (Nods:) "Yeah, she’s completely fine.” David: “Oh, so Maleficent cured her?" Snow White: “She may have, but I didn’t see her. David, you’ll never guess who I saw Lily leave the hospital with." Arendelle. Night. Queen's Chambers. (Having successfully avoided being seen by any of the palace guards, Lily and Elsa make it safely to the queen's chambers.) Elsa: (As Lily kisses her neck and backs her towards the bed:) "I really should heal your wounds more often. (Thinks:) Not that I ever want to see you injured again." Lily: (When they reach the bed:) "Shh. (Lowering them onto it:) Just consider this my way of saying thank you." (Elsa smiles and kisses Lily, pulling her down on top of her, before reaching up and running her fingers through Lily's hair. Breaking their kiss to remove her top, Lily surges forward to claim the queen's lips once more when the double doors burst open.) Anna: "Ah-ha!" Elsa: "Anna!" Anna: (Shocked:) "Elsa?" Lily: (Reaching for a blanket to cover them both:) "Get out of here!" (Shaking herself from her stupor, Anna quickly turns and runs from the room. Sitting back on her haunches, Lily looks to Elsa.) Elsa: (Grimacing:) "Well, I guess that was one way for you two to meet."

Storybrooke. Mayor's Office. Continued. (Zelena and the Charmings discuss Henry.) Zelena: "Enough with the dragon drama, what are we going to do about Henry?" David: "Well we have to tell Emma and Regina." Snow White: "But we don't know where they are either." David: (Calling:) "No, it's no good. It's going straight to voice-mail." Zelena: (Rolls her eyes:) "If only you hadn't shamed them into taking a vacation, they'd be here and I'd be at home. If they're off traveling the realms, it could be weeks until they get your message. There aren't too many cell phone towers lining the yellow brick road, you know." Snow White: "Oh, David, she's right. What are we going to do?" David: "Our priority has to be Henry. He's the one we know is in trouble, so we have to save him." Robin: (Enters the office, followed closely by Will, and slams Alice's letter on the desk:) "Alice left on some secret mission by herself and didn’t tell us where she's going." Zelena: "Ugh, there's a lot of that going around lately. I'm sorry, darling, but I can only handle one missing person at a time." Robin: "I'm not asking you to handle it. The only reason I'm here now is because Will begged me to tell you first." Zelena: "Tell me what?" Robin: "That I'm going after her." Zelena: (Stands:) "Oh no you're not young lady." Robin: (Groans:) "We can't keep having this same argument. I'm going after Alice and that's all there is to it. (Robin turns to leave but Zelena grabs her by the arm. Taking a pin from her hat, Zelena pricks Robin's finger with it then her own:) Ow! Mom, what the hell?" Zelena: "I'm sorry about this, sweetie, but I just can't cope with the idea of you traveling across realms without a clue as to where you're going." (Zelena holds up the pin and it begins to glow green before fading away.) Robin: "What the hell was that?" Zelena: "Blood magic. Now, you're free to search every last nook and cranny of Storybrooke for Alice, but that's all. If you try to cross into another realm, the blood magic will keep you here." Robin "I don't believe you. This is so unfair!" (Robin furiously storms from the room.) Zelena: (As he turns to follow:) "Oh, Will? (Will turns to face her:) Thank you. (Mutely, Will nods, then follows after Robin:) So, now that's settled, how do we go about finding my nephew?" David: (Thinks:) "Actually, Alice’s secret mission just reminded me of something. I may have a way to find exactly where Henry is." Enchanted Forest. Past. (Anna is walking to a farmhouse. She knocks on the door and David opens.) David: “Can I help you?” Anna: “I hope so. Are you David?” David: “Yes. Yes, I am.” Anna: “Great! So, I got your name from an old friend of yours... From Arendelle.” David: “Arendelle? You know Kristoff?” Anna: “What makes you think it's Kristoff?” David: “He's the only person from Arendelle I know.” Anna: “Okay. He didn't tell me that. Hard to be on a secret mission when you don't have all the facts.” David: “What's the mission?” Anna: “I just told you it's secret. But he told me I could trust you... Just not with the mission.” David: “Okay. What's your name?” Anna: “Joan.” David: (Suspiciously:) “Your name's not Joan.” Anna: “You're smart, too. That's good. See, I have to give a false name for your safety.” David: “You're wanted?”

Anna: “Look, I don't know if I can be more clear... Secret mission, your safety. Let me start over. I'm Joan. Can I sleep in your barn?” David: “Sure, Joan. Anything for Kristoff's fiancée. (At Anna’s look:) The ring. Congratulations.” Anna: “Thanks.” David: “Well, I guess I'll find out your name at the wedding. Uh, the barn's out back. You can stay the night. (Notices somebody is coming:) You should hurry and get inside. This is a bad time.” Anna: “Who's that?” David: “That is someone you don't want to mess with. They call her Bo Peep.” (Bo Peep steps out of her carriage and approaches while Ruth joins David and Anna outside.) Bo Peep: (Walking with swagger:) "Do you want a glass of tea, Bo Peep? How about a cookie, Bo Peep?" David: “You're not here for tea.” Bo Peep: “Well, the boy's got that right. Who's that?” Anna: “My name is Joan.” Bo Peep: “Adorable. You know me, Ruth. You know what I want. My payment.” David: “Your extortion.” Bo Peep: “Call it what you like, but you and your flock are safe as long as you pay me what's due.” David: “It's... It's been a slow month.” Bo Peep: “How about this... You just figure out how to pay me what you owe me by tomorrow at noon.” David: “We... You've got to give us more time.” Bo Peep: “I don't give anything. But perhaps if you hand over your steed, I'll allow another day.” David: “No. No deal. That... That horse never leaves my side.” Bo Peep: “Then tomorrow, when I come back, if there's no payment, you keep the horse, and I take your farm. (Slamming her crook into the ground:) And you can work off your debts as my slaves.” David: “Mother, we don't need this. Let's go. We can leave this place and start over...” (Bo Peep uses her magic on David and Ruth, sending them crashing to the ground.) Bo Peep: “You can't go anywhere. You're branded now. This stick is how I find my flock, and you're now one of my sheep. And if you don't like it, pay me what you owe me, or this farm and your lives are mine.” Enchanted Forest. Present. The Dark Palace. (Regina looks at herself in the mirror and chuckles at her full length ball gown.) Regina: (Turning to her wife:) "Emma, what are we doing?" Emma: (Approaches, wearing her own matching gown:) "I... kinda have a confession to make. When I told you that 'Rapunzel' was my favourite fairy tale, I wasn't being totally honest." Regina: "Oh?" Emma: "Well I mean, it's partly true. Growing up I did feel as though I was trapped, waiting for someone to come rescue me from the group home. A-and you were right, I did enjoy climbing that tower. But if I'm being honest, I kinda related more to... Cinderella." Regina: "Ashley?" Emma: (Smiles:) "Well no, not her specifically, but her story, I guess. When I saw all the other kids getting chosen and adopted over me, I felt just like Cinderella never getting to go to the ball."

Regina: "Oh, Emma, I'm so sorry." (She turns away.) Emma: "Hey, wait, what are you sorry about?" Regina: (Turns back:) "All your life you've dreamed about going to your ball, and here I am with two left feet. Even at our wedding, I kept stepping on your toes." Emma: (Soothingly:) "That was because you were nervous. All the realms of story were gathered to watch our first dance, there was way too much pressure to-" Regina: "But I'm a Queen-" Emma: (Putting her finger to Regina's lips:) "You forget that I know you, too. The night we married, it wasn't about the Savior and the Queen. It wasn't even about Madam Mayor and the Sheriff. It was about us, Emma and Regina, and that's all that mattered. That's why you stumbled and stepped on my toes a few-" Regina: "Twelve. Twelve times." Emma: (Smiles:) "You were taking your first steps, not as Queen, but as my wife." Regina: (Nods:) "I never wanted power. I wanted to be free, and you gave me that." (They kiss.) Emma: (As they part:) "So, I was thinking, now that we're both getting the hang of this marriage thing, that we'd try again with our first dance?" Regina: "Oh Emma, there's nothing that would please me more but-" Emma: "Shh. (Holding her hands out:) I'll lead you through. (Regina places her hands in Emma's and allows herself to be pulled into hold:) Just breathe, relax, you've got this." Regina: "We don't even have any music." Emma: "Not a problem." (Emma clicks her fingers and, magically, the room is filled with music. They begin to dance, swaying to the music and never taking their eyes from each other.) Regina: (Frowns a moment then smiles as she recognises the melody:) "You were singing this in the Wish Realm." Emma: (Beams:) "I know. When you came and rescued me." Regina: “It’s perfect.” (They laugh and continue dancing. Spinning and swaying to the tune of 'Some Day My Prince Will Come'.)

[altimys]

Winter 2018 anime reviews

Hello, hello. This is a follow-up post to my initial impressions post. I’ll detail how my perception of the animes changed over the season.

Also note that I will not review Violet Evergarden since I’m way too far behind on it. I’ll finish it sometime in the next season once I’m free.

Dropped Animes

The ones that were unbearable.

Citrus

3/10

Like mentioned in the post from the beginning of the season, it just had this unrealistic, trope-driven, incest (but not really) story. Mostly style and little substance, but not even my style. Well, do take this with a grain of salt. I didn’t even finish the first episode.

Pop Team Epic

7/10

I definitely appreciate the experimental and sarcastic nature of this anime. But it wasn’t really worth spending an extra 15 minutes to watch the same thing a second time, especially since I didn’t find all the skits funny. I probably would’ve watched it if they were broken into seven minute segments.

Sanrio Boys

5/10

Too cheesy. Thanks for the “be yourself” message, but I’m not really interested in bishounens parading this every episode. The protagonist’s broken relationship with their grandmother as a sad backstory made me facepalm very hard. If you had advertised this to me about 6 years ago, I may have gobbled it up, but nowadays it’s not my taste.

Darling in the Franxx

5/10

I didn’t pick it back up, and I didn’t really see anything major from twitter or tumblr, except for gifs of the pink haired girl being with her sexy-cute charm. Y’know, the kind of charm where she’s designed to be appealing in a sexy, vampiric way, but she’s doing something cute like licking her fingers after eating a slice of meat or something. Normally I’d not mind this so much, but remembering how typical the protag was, it definitely gave off the manic pixie dream girl vibes. Art and animation I saw was great though! Unfortunately.

Osomatsu-san

5/10

Skits really fell flat this season. I knew that S2 would lose some drive after the stunt they pulled for the finale of S1, but a lot of skits were utter nonsense. I enjoyed the ones where they experimented with the complexities of each character’s personalities (i.e. Choromatsu and Ichimatsu’s awkward interactions), but it was like wading through a swamp to get a chuckle. I watched most of the season then dropped it, since it wasn’t really worth spending time not having fun.

Mediocre Anime

I don’t know why I watched these but I did.

Garo Vanishing Line

3/10

The story was killing me so much in the end that I would multitask when watching it, and I’m not a natural multitasker. It was just bad writing. Nothing really made sense, and it was quite predictable. Like Sword’s sister came out of nowhere (after she died for Sword’s sad backstory) and was suddenly had HACKER SKILLZ. And I was almost positive that in S1, Sophie’s brother was taken away from her by force, not him wanting to join the El Dorado project. Whatever, does it even matter? The best thing of the season was probably Luke getting a haircut and ditching that awful trenchcoat. Do not recommend.

Touken Ranbu Hanamaru

6/10

Guilty pleasure of the season. Still managed to enjoy the nonsense, with the musicals, and these bishounen and moeblobs being one-dimensional. I did appreciate some of the character interactions and the references to Katsugeki Touken Ranbu, but with these kinds of animes, I really can’t say it’s quality. It’s meant to be aimed at a certain audience, and knowing that I am part of this audience makes it enjoyable to watch. Wouldn’t recommend unless you really like bishounenified swords.

Ms. Koizumi Loves Ramen Noodles

6/10

I previously wrote that I was interested in seeing the stalker girl’s infatuation with Koizumi-san turn into a relationship. Of course it didn’t happen. Yuri? In your dreams. I do applaud this anime for going in depth into the ramen culture and making me hungry every week. There were some hardcore facts about ramen’s origins and experimental ramen. You could tell that they did a lot of research (or were sponsored well). I ate an average of 1.5 packs of instant ramen each week, partly thanks to Koizumi-san. How can I not eat noodles after watching it? Not really any substance to this anime unless you like hearing about ramen facts and watching anime girls foodgasm.

Average Anime

These I could recommend with disclaimers and not feel bad about it.

Junji Ito Collection

6/10

Like with most animes with short stories, there’s a handful of good and bad stories. Since the source material is pretty good, there’s more interesting stories than not. There are definitely some that are ridiculously stupid, but if you are in search of horror anime, this is one you should watch. I wouldn’t say it’s equivalent to Yami Shibai, but it’s good. The animation can’t match the signature entrancing horror that Junji Ito creates, but it’s a decent adaptation. One minor quip I have is that they reuse voice actors in each skit. Might be a budget issue, might be something else. It’s not a big deal, but mostly noticeable to me because Hoshiyan’s voice is too recognizable for me. lol. Oh yeah, the short story with the oil was absolutely disgusting. I enjoyed being grossed out.

Gakuen Babysitters

6/10

It’s like a shoujo but with toddlers. Cute interactions, likable characters. Of course, it’s a light-hearted story, so I guess I shouldn’t expect too much out of it. The comedy bits are well-written, and the art style is absolutely adorable. Great casual watch if you want to feel fluffy without the bullshit of shoujo romances.

Laid Back Camp

7/10

As the title suggests, it’s a pretty laid-back anime. I love the different personalities of the female cast. They shone quite well through the segments of texting. The way that they texted felt friendly, and I felt that I was part of this silly chat group. Also enjoyed learning a lot about camping supplies (and the little pinecones that squealed were so cute). Makes me consider wanting to go solo-hiking or camping to be able to enjoy nature. I’m really glad it covered winter camping, because that’s something that most people never consider, so you get to see the different equipment, activities, and benefits. Recommend if you want something chill with a well-written cast, but not a character-driven story line.

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens

7/10

Surprisingly, I liked it quite a bit. I was actually expecting this one to tank, because it had a predominantly male lineup, was about assassins, and had a crossdresser. Sounded like someone picked things they thought would appeal to the general public and made an anime of it. Thankfully, I was wrong. Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens is actually based off a light novel series, which really shows through the thought-out plot and layered characters. I wouldn’t say it’s as crazy as Durarara!!, but some of the twists are quite interesting. I also really enjoy the diverse cast and their interactions: Lin Xianming, pseudonym for a Taiwanese assassin who also happens to crossdress; Banba Zenji, a playful, seemingly idiotic detective with a deck of tricks up his sleeves. There’s also a canonically gay character, an ex, a child, a hacker (with an interesting backstory), and more. And these characters make mistakes, get injuries, and have flaws. I’m hoping for a second season, because watching this was quite nice each week.

Karakai Jozu no Takagi-san

7/10

If you wanted fluff with actual romance, here’s the one for the season! There’s also quite a bit of comedy added. I did feel sorry for the protag Nishikata for falling victim to Takagi’s pranks every time, but I always looked forward to what she was going to do, and how it would fluster him. I think the romantic buildup was well-paced throughout the season. Kudos to whoever paced it, because they danced around with my feelings like an expert, giving me enough of a taste to feel the flutters of romance in my stomach, but not enough to make Nishikata and Takagi an item. Some of the skits were directed very well, with surprisingly effective cinematography (see the rain and umbrella skit). The ending was really cute, and I’m pretty encouraged to read the manga to get more content.

Mahou Tsukai no Yome

7/10

Nothing really jumped out at me. I feel like the actions of the characters didn’t follow a logic to it that made me understand the character better. Nothing really sparked an interested in wanting to cheer the characters on. I really felt passive in watching events happen to Chise and Elias, and the ending wasn’t particularly spectacular either. I think it’s a decent one to pass the time, but I could not get invested in the plot or characters.

Koi wa Ameagari no You Ni

8/10

This anime certainly isn’t for everyone’s tastes, but I think I really appreciated the latter half of the series more than the first half. The surface-level summary is about the age-gap romance, but once I was able to hear Kondo’s internal thoughts, especially about being older, the nostalgia of youth, and trying to pick a passion back up, I started enjoying it a lot more. I especially loved the scenes when he would banter with his college friend Chihiro. The only downside of the latter half of the episodes was the awkward tension between Akira and her friend. Her friend would just yell at her, and Akira would take it, and then not really consider it. And somehow it’s resolved. Well, other than that, I did like the characters and ending a lot.

Kokkoku

8/10

I rather enjoyed the setup and the unknown mechanisms of the system. The enemy really had the advantage in intellect and strength, and it was interesting watching how the characters tried to get around that. The last three episodes were a little flat, and the plot armor (kind of) and last bit of exposition was almost unnecessary, but it was there to give us a happy ending, which I did appreciate. Love the grandpa. I’d say this anime did a pretty decent job at the action and strategy, and the ending wasn’t blowing my mind, but I do really commend it on the setup.

Exceptional Anime

Worth your time.

A Place Further Than the Universe

8/10

Drama about girls aiming to go to Antarctica. Strong female cast, with a pretty believable depiction of average high school girls and how they might react and pursue their dreams. The voice acting was pretty spectacular for this show, especially during the second to last episode. ;) I think this anime is very real with what it’s like with concepts we usually don’t think of: having ambitions, lacking ambitions, making friends, losing friends, finding closure. It was rewarding to walk with the girls in every step of their journey. Animation quality was pretty awesome too. I also cried a bit at the end. I didn’t think I would enjoy an anime about high school girls going to Antarctica, but hey, I loved it.

Hakumei to Mikochi

8/10

It’s a slice-of-life about a pair of thumb-sized forest dwellers. Hakumei, the more adventurous of the two, works as a handyman and has a determined attitude. She’s still a very considerate person and is full of compassion and a heart to help others. Mikochi is a bit more reserved and particular. She’s famous for her cooking and has a passion for textiles and clothing. Both characters compliment each other well, and it’s cute seeing them bustle about their daily lives. You also get to see into the lives of other characters they meet, and it feels an established world with all it’s quirks and culture. The general feel of this anime is relaxed and storybook-like, similar to the same kind of vibe I get from Ghibli movies. I honestly thought this was a children’s anime during the first episode. It could be, but I enjoyed it a lot.

[centerofstupidity]

Petra Pan Chapter 1 Part 1 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Chapter Summary: Our story begins with Eirwen Darling participating in a fencing tournament. 

Of course, we are constantly reminded every five seconds that he is a saintly guy with awesome sword fightin' skillz.  Which means Eirwen must be the Chosen One.  

Nota Bene: Even though the story only has nine chapters, each chapter is very long. So I have decided to take each chapter and break them up into several parts. 

“En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play in the middle of a large hall.

The first sentence in and I’m already cringing.

The line “that were standing in the field of play on the middle of a large hall” is awkwardly worded.

The sentence can either be “En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play 

OR "En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the middle of a large hall.

Eirwen Darling’s opponent - Thomas Paisley - 

He is also known as Character Who Disappears After Chapter One

So Thomas moves forward and lungs his foil at a guy named Eirwen. 

Eirwen deftly parried the attack,

I'd expect a fencer to be competent.

 and was about to riposte when loud, overzealous female cheering coming from the stands distracted him.

This isn’t Eirwen’s first competition.

And he is an athlete.

Which means that he should be able to tune out the screaming fans and focus on the game.

Also, every fencing match is timed. So…

“Darling! Darling! Darling! My Darling! My darling!” the girls all chanted in lovesick voices.

The tips of Eirwen’s ears turned red out of embarrassment 

and he groaned.

"Attractive girls fawning over me is such a drag!"

 “Ugh. What do they think they’re doing? This isn’t a basketball game!”

Eirwen, fans usually cheer at sporting events.

Why are you acting as if this is Abby Normal?

Just because this is a fencing match, doesn't mean nobody applauds or cheers. 

Look at this video: 

This is the 2010 Junior Fencing World Championships in Azerbaijan. 

Every time that someone scores a point, you can hear applause or cheering. 

His fan girls were there again. 

A lot of heterosexual guys would feel flattered with receiving female attention. 

But this sends Eirwen running for the hills. 

Is he Edward Cullen in disguise? 

He glanced at them out of the corner of his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Eirwen saw someone cosplaying as Anita Blake. 

 His flush started to spread to his cheeks. 

Blushing appears on a person's face. 

It turns out the Eirwen's fangirls are holding banners and posters that say things like: ‘Do your best, my Darling!’ and ‘I (heart) Eirwen Darling’.

Eirwen hated that his last name was ‘Darling’.

You mean bitching and moaning isn't a sign of contentment?

Thanks for letting me know, KuroKoneko Kamen!

When the girls called out to him it sounded like they were using a silly pet name.

I'll let this speak for itself:

And with the way they were looking at him lustily he had the feeling he was right on the money.

Congratulations, Eirwen.

You have five more brain cells than Bella Swan. 

The reason that Eirwen Darling had fan girls in the first place

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 

was because his great grandfather Eirwen Darling was famous for being the inspiration behind the popular children’s book: Petra Pan.

...

........

.......................

................................................

That's right, gentlepersons. Girls are lusting after a guy because one of his relatives was the inspiration behind a famous children's book. 

And it gets even more creepy. It is revealed that Eirwen has a strong resemblance to his great grandfather. 

So when people pictured the boy who’d been spirited away to Neverland by Petra Pan for a series of grand adventures - 

Yeah, it's simply whimsical that a child was kidnapped by a sociopath. 

And in case anyone thinks I'm joking...

Here is an interesting article that cited quotes from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. 

they usually pictured the boy with Eirwen’s face.

Eirwen looks like his famous great grandfather. 

Eirwen’s great grandfather was dead now, but people never seemed to forget the connection.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll say it again:

Eirwen’s current opponent 

Thank you, Captain Redundant. 

and close friend, Thomas, 

This character is a friggin' McGuffin.

Without him:

Eirwen would have never fought a psychopath. 

Petra Pan wouldn't have witnessed a duel and decided that Eirwen must be the Chosen One. 

And while Eirwen was hospitalized, Eirwen wouldn't have taken him to Neverland.

So yeah, I don't give a damn about Thomas. 

We are told that Tom is "a good sport" because he waited for the cheers to die down. 

“As always, you’re popular with the ladies, Eirwen. I’m jealous.”

"Even though these ladies should not live within two thousand feet of any daycare centers and schools." 

 Like himself, Thomas was dressed in an all-white fencing uniform with a chest protector made of plastic and a lamé - a layer of electrically conductive material worn over the fencing jacket in foil that was used for detecting hits.

People who are professional fencers actually wear a uniform???

A mesh metal mask was covering his face protectively,

so Eirwen was unable to see what was undoubtedly Thomas’s amused expression.

Let's break this down, shall we?

We know that Eirwen and Thomas are wearing the same uniform...

They also wear a mask.

And this same mask supposedly makes it unable to see someone's face.

So if you can't see someone's face, then you can't see someone's body.

Which means that Eirwen and Thomas are just swinging their swords blindly.

“Do shut up,” Eirwen groused irritably,

Ah, bad dialogue tags. 

How I loath thee. 

And isn't Eirwen such a good friend?

Tom parries Eirwen's blow and then does a counterattack. 

Eirwen gracefully parried. 

We get it, K. Kamen. 

Eirwen is the best swordsman ever. 

Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

This was the London Open - a fencing competition for national and international fencers. 

Remember this, gentlepersons. 

Because later on, I will explain its significance. 

Eirwen had made it to the final,

It could be just me...

But this sentence seems off. 

Perhaps it would be better if it read: Eirwen had made it to the final round. 

and this last match would determine the gold medal winner and champion of the competition. 

If a person wins a competition, they are crowned the winner and get a medal or a trophy. 

He wanted to make the club he belonged to - the Academy Cadets Club - proud. 

People who participate in a sport or belong in a club want to do their best. 

But at least...

We are told that Eirwen needs one more point to win. 

Eirwen’s muscles were beginning to ache and a pounding headache was beginning to form behind his eyes. His vision was blurring slightly. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and looked up towards the stands.

These sentences just gave me a migraine.

A good action scene doesn't read like a laundry list. 

Instead it should have descriptions sprinkled throughout. 

What the…?

It is an apt description for this book. 

There perched at the very top of the stands was the oddest girl Eirwen had ever seen. 

And he had seen a chick cosplay as Cthulhu. 

Her wild, long, golden blonde hair with scattered braids was adorned with spring flowers and ivy vines. She was dressed in a green tube dress that was decorated with ivy, and a pair of green ankle boots made out of soft leather. 

Even more laundry list descriptions. 

And wouldn't someone dressed like that be noticed by a lot of people?

Her grass-green eyes were sparkling mischievously and an impish smile quirked her pink, pouty lips.

She looked very ‘fairy-like’ or ��pixie-like’, 

but she had no wings and was the size of a normal human girl around his age. (Eirwen had just turned eighteen).

Last time I checked, humans don't have wings.

So no shit, Sherlock. 

And "size of a normal human girl"? 

Merriam Webster defined size as "physical magnitude, extent, or bulk : relative or proportionate dimensions."

While height is the "distance from the bottom to the top of someone or something standing upright". 

An example would be: "a woman of average height"

Which means that the right word would be height and not size. 

In conclusion:

Maybe it was just how the sunlight coming in from the windows framed her body with a golden aura that made her look so…otherworldly.

Fairy cosplay? 

Because it is totally normal for someone to have a golden aura. 

Eirwen wondered in bemusement, arching an eyebrow at her.

When Eirwen blinks his eyes, the girl disappears.

What the?

So a girl dressed in a fairy outfit with a golden aura isn't Abby Normal.

But her suddenly disappearing is considered unusual.

Gotta love Eirwen's logic.

Thanks to Eirwen’s well-honed battle reflexes he just barely managed to dodge a lunge from Tom 

I know that I'm supposed to be impressed with Eirwen aka Mr. I haz awesome swordfightin' skillz. 

But it is really obnoxious when Eirwen's alleged badassery is constantly shoved in my face every five seconds. 

- the fencing blade passing his face. 

I know that I'm supposed to clutching my pearls...

But I simply don't give a damn. 

Bloody hell.

My exact words every time a character thinks or does something stupid. 

Eirwen needed to concentrate on his match. 

After taking a deep breath, Eirwen charges forward. And because the plot demands it, he scores the winning point. 

Of course the cheers are "deafening" as everybody stands up and chants "Darling! Darling! Darling!"

Eirwen had to resist the urge to plug up his ears with his index fingers. 

Look at this fencing mask:

Does it look like someone can stick their fingers in their ears?

Eirwen removed his helmet while Tom did the same. 

Wait a tick. 

Originally, they were wearing a mask. 

And now it is a helmet? 

As Mark Twain wisely said: 

So Eirwen is smirking. 

He’d won the match.

His final match. 

Because it will handle the topic of contemplating suicide in a half-assed and almost flippant manner.

Eirwen ran his hand through his "sweaty, short, dark brown hair". 

Tom was grinning at Eirwen cheerily even though he’d lost. 

It means that Tom isn't a sore loser, you dumbass. 

“Brilliant match.”

Don't give Eirwen a verbal handjob. 

So Eirwen shakes Tom's hand and says “Hell yeah.”

Suddenly, Tom asks if Eirwen if he is really quitting fencing. 

Eirwen shrugged carelessly. 

There is no such thing as accidentally or "carelessly" shrugging your shoulders. 

It is a gesture that a person can make. 

Eirwen replies “I’m afraid so." 

So Tom glares at him and demands “Why?”

“Fencing…just doesn’t interest me anymore,” Eirwen lied.

I'll let this speak for itself:

“Bollocks!” Tom swore in a frustrated manner. 

Two things:

Show don't tell 

And...

Tom goes on to say that he knows that Eirwen will return to fencing someday and that he is waiting for "our next rematch." 

He then adds "But next time it will be at the Olympics.”

And I just threw up in my mouth. Want to know why?

Eirwen Darling is so handsome and famous that all the girls want to bang him.

He is also the Chosen One. 

And because of Eirwen's awesome swordfighting' skillz, he could compete at the Olympics...

*deep sigh*

Anywho, Eirwen "half-heartedly agreed" and then looks at his two younger sisters. Their names are Joan and Michelle. 

And like everyone else, they are "waving and screaming his name." Eirwen grins at them. 

His sisters were utterly adorable, and the apples of his eyes.

It could be just me...

But it comes across as incredibly creepy that a brother is describing his younger sisters as being "utterly adorable."

Especially in a book where girls are lusting after the main character because his great grandfather was the inspiration behind a famous children's book.

And said main character has a raging why boner for a genderbent version of Peter Pan who is now a teenage girl with huge bazongas...

So in conclusion:

Joan was eight-years-old, and had the same boring dark brown hair he did. 

...

I didn't know that having brown hair was "boring."

She’d pulled her hair back into a serious ponytail, 

"Serious ponytail"???

I didn't know that ponytails could emote. 

"Serious ponytail" is as asinine as the term female-presenting nipples. 

Joan also wears glasses. 

Michelle, on the other hand, didn’t look related to them. 

Because all siblings must look identical! 

She had blonde hair, which she wore in two pigtails, bright blue eyes, a round cherubic face, and a smattering of freckles along the bridge of her nose. 

'Ello Laundry List O' Doom. 

In real life, a child can look exactly like their mother, their father, or both parents.

And sometimes, they can strongly resemble a grandparent. 

I don't know why K. Kamen thinks it is unusual...

Because people would generally assume that one of the Darling parents was a brunet[te] while the other was a blond[e].  

Michelle was holding a stuffed pink unicorn.

Eirwen met their gazes and held up his sword in a triumphant pose. 

So in other words...

He is posing like this:

So Eirwen is heading towards his siblings with "purposeful steps". 

Out of the corner of Eirwen’s eye, he noticed that a man in a hoodie was approaching his sisters. He didn’t really think anything of it 

Considering the fact that the Darling children are orphans and Eirwen is taking care of them...

You'd think he'd be concerned that a stranger is approaching his sister. 

Especially since said stranger is concealing their face...

until the man suddenly grabbed Michelle, who let out a surprised squeak.

Swiper no swiping!

The man kept one arm wrapped around Michelle’s waist while he turned to face Eirwen and used his right hand to lower his hood to reveal-

It was Woody Allen. 

It was Jim Graveson - an ex-fencer. 

Um... What?

Prior to this scene, Jim was never mentioned or appeared in this chapter. 

But it's painfully obvious that this is supposed to be important because of the dramatic reveal.

So...

We then get an info dump about Jim. 

It turns out that Jim attended the same school as Eirwen. He also belonged to the Academy Cadets Club. 

But Eirwen was forced to quit the club after being expelled from school for getting into fights. 

We are also supposed to believe the following: 

If he hadn’t been expelled, Jim would have participated in the London Open and probably would have ended up in the finals against Eirwen since he was a better fencer than Tom.

That requires a lot of assuming. 

Not only Jim would have to be better than Tom... 

But he would have to be better than everyone else in the fencing club minus Eirwen. 

Also, Tom would have better than all the other contestants in the London Open in order to fight Eirwen. 

It was no secret that Jim had liked to consider himself Eirwen’s rival.

You'd think that a "rival" would be a prominent antagonist and not some random guy who came out of left field. 

Jim was tall and had a lanky physique. His skin was overly pale and he had short curly black hair. He was wearing a Black Sabbath T-shirt, a pair of faded jeans and some muddy sneakers. 

Eirwen’s fan girls probably would have considered Jim to be attractive if it wasn’t for the glazed, slightly psychotic look in his eyes.

Puh-lease!

If that was the case, then you wouldn't have women lusting after Ted Bundy, Edward Cullen, and Christian Grey. 

Eirwen gave the young man a confused look. 

A person who has a "psychotic look" has snatched his sister. 

But this makes Eirwen bewildered.

“Jim.”

“Eirwen,” Jim drawled with a dark edge.

Normally, I would remark on the unnecessary dialogue tag...

But I'm still dumbfounded by Eirwen's idiocy. 

“Why are you doing this, Jim?” Eirwen demanded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Let Michelle go.”

Thank God Eirwen dropped the idiot ball. 

Even though he shouldn't have held it in the first place. 

And show don't tell. 

“Why don’t you make me, Champion,” Jim sneered, his lip curling in disdain.

When a person sneers, they are expressing contempt or disdain towards something.

So...

“W-What?” Eirwen stammered in surprise.

First of all, redundant dialogue tag. 

And secondly...

“You heard me,” Jim drawled, a glint in his gray eyes. “Make me. Fight me with that sword you’re still holding in your hand. I should have been the one to fight you today - not Tom. I would have beaten you and become champion. I’m the real champion of this competition!”

I'm sorry...

But I can't take a villain seriously who gives a long monologue. 

Eirwen shakes his head "in a helpless fashion." He then said “No way, mate.”

Jim reached behind him and pulled out a rapier - a real one with a long, thin, sharp steel blade.

Well...

It would be an awkward situation if Jim was brandishing a toy sword. 

Jim put the edge of the blade against Michelle’s throat. 

Where are the security guards?

Is anyone calling the police? 

How is everyone reacting to the situation? Especially Joan and Tom? 

Why is upcoming fight scene so fucking stupid?

And

“I said…fight me. Or else little Michelle gets it.”

"Take me seriously, even though I'm spewing cliched dialogue."

Eirwen’s amber eyes flashed with anger, and he raised his sword threateningly even though he knew a foil couldn’t really do much damage. 

First of all...

Show don't tell. 

And it begs the question why Eirwen isn't asking Tom to get security or to call the cops. 

So Eirwen asks Jim to let his sister go. 

And Jim is happier than a pig in shit because Eirwen is going to fight him. 

When Eirwen saw a thin cut form on his sister’s neck he flew into action, lunging his sword forward. 

Because when a hostage-taker has a blade pressed against the hostage's throat...

The best thing to do is to charge the hostage-taker head on and unarmed.

There is a reason why there are hostage negotiation courses and people trained in said courses. 

As for Eirwen? He has zero training. 

And what's stopping Jim from slitting Michelle's throat? 

He already gave Michelle a small cut...

Which means that Jim doesn't have any qualms about hurting someone. 

Jim moved his sword away from Michelle’s throat to parry the attack, and their blades clashed.

Because for plot reasons, Michelle can't be hurt or killed by Jim.

If that happened...

Petra Pan won't be thinking that Eirwen is the most heroic and selfless knight eva. 

Because he is the Chosen One... *sigh*

Anywho, Michelle bites Jim's forearm. 

Jim cried out in pain.

“Ah! Why, you insolent little brat!” 

...

"Insolent little brat"?

Anywho, Jim lets go of Michelle and she lands on her butt. Then Joan picks up her sister and runs away. 

"Get back here, you little brats! You'll pay for that!"

And I thought such fantastic dialogue could only be found in The Scorpion King 3. 

Jim heads towards the girls but Eirwen blocks him. But Eirwen doesn't just stop Jim, gentlepersons. 

He "smoothly stepped into his path" and "with his fencing sword raised." 

This is supposed to be an oh so subtle indication that Eirwen is awesome badass. 

 “I thought you wanted to fight me, Jim.”

Silly, Eirwen. 

Character consistency is for squares. 

A twisted smile spread across Jim’s face.

The two young men both got into fencing stances, and sized each other up for a moment.

After the measuring contest, Jim goads Eirwen. He then let out a shout and attacks Eirwen. 

Eirwen easily blocked the reckless attack with his fencing sword. Jim attacked swiftly again and again, but Eirwen continued to deftly block all of Jim’s attacks.

We get it.

Eirwen is allegedly a badass swordsman. Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

Jim was beginning to get pissed and frustrated. 

Letting out a roar, 

Because he is doing a lion impersonation. 

he swung his rapier in a fierce sideways slash. 

Forgive me for not quivering with fear.

So their swords clashed... And thank God, we don't hear about sparks flying.  

Anway, Eirwen's sword breaks. 

Eirwen leapt backwards instinctively, narrowly avoiding the tip of Jim’s sword from grazing against his chest.

I know that this book is hellbent on painting Eirwen as an epic badass...

But I'm not impressed. 

Anyone with more brain cells than Bella Swan would dodge an attack. 

No point had been earned yet though.

Because when a person is in a life or death situation... 

It is important for that individual to be crowned the champion. 

But then Eirwen realized with a sinking feeling in his chest that he should have just let Jim’s sword graze him and lose this impromptu match.

Besides being dead as a doornail...

Eirwen wouldn't be an epic badass who is destined to become The Chosen One. 

Bloody hell. Why am I even playing along with this lunatic? Who the hell cares who wins or loses at this point?

Because buddy boy, once rigor mortis sets in... 

Jim can track down your sisters and brutally murder them. 

Now Eirwen only had the pathetic stump of a fencing sword left to defend himself with while Jim had a real sword that was deadly sharp and dangerous

Well, trying to fight a psychopath instead of calling the police is fifty shades of stupid. 

So...

There was this sinister leer on Jim’s face 

*sigh* 

If Jim was anymore cartoonishly evil, he would be kicking a puppy. 

as he pointed the sword at Eirwen.

Eirwen didn’t fear death.

And I thought Rooster Teeth was the only one who had such an aversion towards show don't tell. 

In fact, he would welcome it, but…

If he did that, he can't pork a buxom Peter Pan. 

And sweet Jesus here comes even more stupidity... 

“Jim, stop this now. You’re already going to be in so much trouble for this.”

That's putting it mildly. 

I don't think the police consider kidnapping and attempted murder to bothersome. 

Eirwen gave the young man a beseeching look. 

It's bad enough that Eirwen is the Chosen One AND an alleged badass swordsman...

But he is now Sir Galahad. 

“Do you really want to throw your life away for this? For one silly match? It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. As far as I’m concerned you’ve already won this match!”

...

...........

...........................................................

Unfortunately for Eirwen, Jim is not moved by the speech.

Jim replies that he hasn't won the match yet and “Not until I make you bleed!”

Shit. 

An apt description for this book. 

Eirwen realized he had no choice but to fight Jim seriously. 

And Eirwen's inner God stopped doing the safety dance. 

So, the two guys charge each other and Eirwen's cheek is sliced. 

And because Eirwen is wearing Mithril plot armor, he disarms Jim. But he doesn't just disarm someone. 

No, no, no! Only a filthy peasant would do something so mundane as that. 

Eirwen sends Jim's sword flying up in the air. But wait! There is much, much more! 

Eirwen spun and caught the sword by the hilt, and pointed the tip of the rapier to Jim’s throat. 

Anywho...

Eirwen tells Jim to yield but Jim refused. 

 Jim reached into his hoodie and pulled out a handgun. 

Remember when I promised to explain the significance of the London Open?

If so... *offers a platter of cupcakes *

Anywho... This whole situation is fifty shades of stupid. 

The London Open is for national and international fencers. 

Which means that there should be security guards.

And newfangled technology called metal detectors. 

Because with lax security, you are asking for trouble.

But silly me, things like logic and common sense doesn't exist in this book. 

People immediately screamed at the sight of it and began to run for the exits in the hall.

Nobody was alarmed when a kid was held hostage by a psychopath.

Or when said psychopath demanded a duel with Eirwen. 

They only freaked out when the psychopath brandished a gun.

Eirwen looks at the gun and sighs. 

“You have got to be kidding me. Bad form, mate.”

I know this is supposed to another subtle sign that Eirwen is honorable and a knight in shining armor...

But this makes Eirwen look like a moron. 

“Eirwen!” his sisters cried out simultaneously in their worry.

So Jim points the gun at Eirwen's sisters. 

Eirwen’s eyes flared in alarm. 

Having a burst of fire shooting out of your eyes must hurt like a son of a bitch. 

No! 

Anyway, Eirwen jumps in front of Jim. He then tries to take the gun. But Jim pulls the trigger. 

Eirwen looked down and noticed the bright red spot spreading on his shoulder, blooming like a red flower on his white fencing uniform. 

Wow...

Just like Cassandra Clare, K. Kamen writes weird similes. 

And like a honey badger, Eirwen doesn't give a shit. Instead, he thinks: Heh, I’ve been shot.

Eiwen wondered dazedly why it didn’t hurt. 

Maybe it is because Eirwen took some morphine.

Or...

It is because the author doesn't realize that if someone was shot, they would be in pain. 

Suddenly, Eirwen grins as he starts to lose consciousness. 

Hopefully this has killed me. That’d be great.

You know what?

This is the first time that I agree with Eirwen. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Eirwen caught sight of a flash of gold and green.

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

A green mist enveloped the handgun 

and it was wrenched out of Jim’s hand and sent flying, 

It could be just me but...

I think the word "wrenched" should be replaced with yanked. 

skidding across the gymnasium floor.

The gun flew out of Jim's hand.

Unless Jim was on the floor, the gun would have flown through the air and hit a wall. 

Jim loosed a cry of alarm and he too went flying, 

First of all, show don't tell. 

Also, the word "loosed" made my head hurt. 

It would be better if the sentence read: Jim screamed and he went flying. 

but Eirwen hadn’t touched him. 

Huh…? What’s going on?

Something supernatural, you twit. 

“Eirwen! Eirwen!” His sisters were shouting his name,  but they sounded so far away.

Um... 

Why are his sisters the only ones concerned about Eirwen?

Wouldn't Tom be upset?

And where is he? 

This was the last thing Eirwen remembered before he lost consciousness.

And unfortunately for the reader, the story continues.